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#just shat my pants btw
aces-basement · 2 years
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Chaotic Ace (Gorillaz) x Reader that borders on explicit but isn't and is written by someone with 3 braincells on the verge of a breakdown just for u anon
(it's not explicit but I don't want minors to read it anyway. Minors DNI!)
You were walking home from work. It was late. And cold. And you wanted to get home more than anything.
There was an alley. A scary one. A dark, wet, cold one. One you've never been in when it was dark. But it was a shortcut. And at this point? If you got shanked and left for dead that might not be so bad
Anyway you decide to go down the alley.
It was.
Quiet.
Too quiet. Not even a cat in the dumpster or anything.
Oh hey speakin of dumpsters
BAM! Ace stumbled out of one wowww
You jumped and shat your pants figuratively
He tried to be menacing but he got his leg stuck on the side of the dumpster. He was stuck. Hanging by the foot. Out of the dumpster.
He looked. So disappointed there. Dangling in the moonlight. He sighed long and hard. "......Can you help me down."
"Yeah sure stranger" You unhooked his boot and he fell on his face. You heard glass shatter
"Ah jeez, alright," The tall stranger brushed himself off and got the sunglass bits out of his eyes. "Well I was gonna mug you but I t'ink the moment's passed"
"Uhuh"
"Yeah.."
"You are the worst criminal I've ever met. Can I go now?"
He stuffed his hands in his pockets. "Aw, yeah, sure. Go." But this man. This legend. This absolute goblin man. With his head hanging low and his little puppy dog eyes looking everywhere but at you. You couldn't leave him because you are the protag of an x reader fuck you
Anyway this blushing idiot was waiting for you to leave and you wanted to. But no you didn't because Ace is hot. Anyway you said "I like your eyeballs. Do you smoke weed"
This. Flustered him. He looked right at you and stuttered "No??? That's just- that's just how my eyes look."
"They're nice. So are your ears. And your skin. They make you look like a gross elf. Slash affectionate btw"
"Are you trying to flirt? Because you ain't great at it. What does that mean."
"Ok well since you're the CEO of flirting why don't you show me how it's done." You snarked
"Alright."
BOOM. Next thing you knew you were pinned against the wall. You looked up at him. Surprised. He had one arm against the wall, leaning into you.
"Hey."
"You smell like cheese"
Boom. Pocket knife to your throat. He didn't seem to acknowledge what you said. Uh oh. "I'd watch my tongue, toots. Don't want it on the cement." He growled
"This isn't flirting this is um what is it this is uhhhh"
"Violence? I dunno" He shrugged
"Yeah that's the word keep going please."
"Alright." He smooched you up your arm, then to your neck, before BITING your neck
"OW!"
"Sorry too much?"
"NO"
So he smiled and nibbled you some more, before pulling your hair and making out with you against the moldy ass brick wall mmmmm that's scrumptious. Then you took him home like an alley cat and yall lived happily ever after
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axylaj · 1 year
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2012 raph playlist!!
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Explanation and evaluation:
OK SO I HAVE SOME RAPH PLAYLIST HOT TAKES!!! Yes, I think his playlist would be angry, mostly 80s and 90s rock, probably a lot of rap new and old. I also think he’d listen to some emo stuff too but that might just be self indulgent lmaoz.
HOWEVER, there is a lot of emphasis on raph having a soft side in 2012, which is why I think he’d be a HUGE female pop star fan. He’s a diehard swiftie (shat his pants when the new album came out this year and was in a funk for days because he couldn’t get concert tickets) knows every Shakira and lady Gaga song by heart, cries whenever como la flor comes on etc etc.
Say what you will, (I think I’m pretty on the nose abt this but whatever) but there’s a reason so many female pop artists have a massive and insatiable fan base, it’s because their music slaps and raph is there for it!
I feel he’d have the most overlap with Mikey and Leo in terms of what he listens too, btw Leo playlist may shock and surprise you when it comes out
His top 5 genres would be:
•80s-90s rap
•rock
•2010s pop
•metal
•punk rock
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viadama0-0 · 1 year
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my movie ratings ( my taste are questionable)
Suzume - live laugh love suzume 10/10
Waktu maghrib - shouldve learned my lesson from Qodrat im never watching Indonesian horror movies 3/10
Pengabdi setan 1 and 2 - i actually liked this , i watched it bfr waktu maghrib and qodrat. 8/10
Luckiest girl alive - 8/10
Re/member - an 9/10 girl the way it was perfect but there's a slight plot twist that makes zero sense
A good nurse - 10/10 based on a true story
A chalk line - going in expecting nothing but it gave everything 8/10 i would say its decent
The host - 7/10 Hunger - shes a ten. loved everything about it the acting, metaphor, cinematography and the plot love love love
The sadness – 8/10 if you like gory movie go watch it . I love zombie movies but this one is fucking disgusting cause they still can talk like normal humans. And the scene with the one eyed girl in a wheelchair ughhhhhhhh.
Hard candy –8/10 i feel like it could’ve been better if they actually prove what the guy did and there was this one scene where elliot page castrate the guy it was so disturbing. I love elliot page‘s acting i love the way she talks ughh i just love her. The ritual - 8/10 i usually hate horror movie thats based on a cult or ritual but this one was good and fast paced . Plus there was minimal jumpscare which what i really like in a horror movie. AND what i love about this is that the demon or wtv looks real and was fucking scary . like if i saw that while hiking i wouldve shat my pants and literally let it kill me and rather than being chased by it istg. Dungeon and Dragons - shockingly a 9. the humor and the characters i just love it. they didn't unnecessarily squeeze any romance or whatsoever. love the the cgi i think looks real enough for me. the red witch i think sofina was scary af ngl . would i watch it again on purpose probably not. kids and family friendly approved. even if this love disappears from the world tonight - 10/10 fuck i watched this without knowing what I'm getting myself into. it was so good that i wrote this while watching it. It was all happy and shit IN THE BEGINNING. love the change of POV mid movie. Not for the soft-hearted girls. Definitely will recommend this if you wanna watch a tearjerker. Honestly i relate to izumi so much that it physically hurts me to watch this. in another life they got married with twins and adopted 3 cats. Btw at first i didn't wanna watch this cause the fl and ml used to act together in a drama where the were BESTFRIEND like super platonic, their relationship was like siblings. so yk it feels like incest at first.
your name engraved herein - 7/10 watched it cause people said its sad and suprisingly it actually is the ending was cute tho but i feel like it couldve been shorter plus one - 10/10 manifesting a relationship like this please they are sooooooooooooooooooooooooo funny together.
the hangover -10/10 this would be one of my comfort movie if i need a laugh or just to look at dilf bradley cooper
something borrowed - 7.5/10 I FEEL LIKE THE COUPLE IS CUTE but bcs the guy is engaged to her best friend so its wrong okayy tapi idk theres no way to justify it and wtv. but there was a small plot twist and now everyone is happy . plus ive been searching for 2000s romcom for a while now glad i stumbled into this. plus the FL is so cute.
inception - 10/10 watched it bcs of christopher nolan stayed because of Elliot page if i had known he was in it i would have watched it sooner. plus the cast ,top tier istg.
life - 9/10 watched it for ryan reynold and jake gylenhall. it feels weird watching ryan reynold in a serious movie even though he was still acting like himself. the ending thoooooo i was speechless
made of honor - 5/10 when the guy wearing a skirt shpuld have been a red flag not in a fashionable wayits just doesnt suit him. and honestly the male lead should have realized sooner that he likes hannah. btw i bet hes gonna cheat on her given his history.
bullet train - 1000/10 I LOVE THIS MOVIE SO MUCH THAT I WOULD RECCOMEND THIS EVERY MOVIE NIGHT AND SLAP PEOPLE WHO PLAYS WITH THEIR PHONE
you know what imma make another blog just for movies since i love it so much
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margaglitterdeath · 3 years
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Richie Tozier in one of his specials: "no, no, no. No, stop clapping for my husband! That guy's an asshole...He is so much fucking funnier than me it's infuriating..like that epic shit master plan he pulled the other time. Listen, listen!- We were in grocery store, he made an eye contact with some random lady and suddenly there was police comming after me! NO. I will not elaborate. OF COURSE I WILL elaborate, for fucks sake..why would we be even here then for?!.. So The Thing Is that that absolute motherfucker spent our Bali vacation learning the morse code.. the fucking MORSE CODE!! And i was like - 'Ok, sure.. what a nerd, am i right??' ..like no thoughts head empty i did not think it's gonna be that relevant for me..like 'whatever'.. But what happed was that, that Bitch of an asshole started blinking the goddamn SOS in morse code on random people in public when he doesen't like my jokes -WHICH IS FUCKING ALL THE TIME!! WHAT THE FUCK MAN!? THAT SON OF A LITTERAL BITCH WAS BLINKING SOS LIKE BEYONCÉ IS GETTING GRAMMYS AND I DIDN'T EVEN NOTICE!! FUCK! And it just Went South™ this once 'cos he blinked at some lady that understands morse code and she decided to not take a chance on it being just a joke!! (which is like so fucking wonderfull of her!.. i mean everyone lets clapp for her. let's clapp for Sandy-that's her name! fucking Sandy! i love that woman.. such a good thing to do...) It just soo happend that it ended up real shitty for me!. THE FUCKING COPS CAME LIKE 'SIR, TAKE A FIVE STEPS OFF THAT MAN. RIGHT NOW, SIR. THERE'S BEEN POSSIBLE KIDNAPPING REPORTED, SIR. MOVE, SIR, NOW' and i am standing there, in the middle of a candy aisle, next to my pain in the ass of a husband, frozen AF wondering like 'what in the goOd dAamn funKy Jesus chrIst fuck is happening right now ??' while EDDIE is loosing his shit laughing, taking the fucking stepps off of me.. Can you imagine that situation? Can you imagine that explenation that continued??? I almost shat my good pants AND FOR WHAT?! I GOT OWNED! Like how am i EVER gonna top this? Hmm?! Fucking asshole pegged me so hard! The dedication! That fucking malice! The work and patience put into his evil plan! I cannot compete I have a god damn ADHD - I could Never!!... christ. ....I love him. SO. MUCH. he is so awfull. I'm gonna go home blow him so hard... god."
"And btw we stayed friends with Sandy..we send each other Christmas cards, now..Ours are addresed to Miss Sandy the Savior.. "
i mean..tell me it's not true😎🥺✨🌚🌝👁️👃👁️👌✌️
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haik-choo · 4 years
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request: can i maybe get some dating kuroo headcanons? 🥺 btw love ur writing, it's amazing 💕
request: Hello! I absolutely love your hc/scenario first kisses! Could I ask for a first kiss hc with Kuroo please? ✨😁
a/n: i’ve combined these and decided to do a little “dating kurro” with the first kiss and stuff hehehehe <3 thank y’ll for loving my writing!!!
@dearkozume because you wanted me to tag you in posts!!! <3
[DATING AND KISSING KUROO]
-kuroo
kuroo tetsuro.
general dating headcanons:
you CANNOT tell me that this man doesn’t like to show you off. like not in any objectifying way, he literally just loves it when you look good for yourself and flaunt it. he’ll be your HYPEMAN
likes to randomly scare you and then after making you nearly shit your pants he’ll make fun of you for the way you got scared and almost shat your pantaloons 
you either have to do stupid shit with him and you’ll have to deal with the consequences or you’ll DO the stupid shit WITH him and ENJOY the consequences. it’s chaotic, it’s amazing
you know this boy is smart AS HELL, so you two do a bunch of study dates where you think you’ll actually fool around but then he drops a stack of practice worksheets and your desk and forces you to do them until they’re all you can see when you close your eyes
he’s reliable and observant, and can tell when you’re feeling down in a heartbeat, but he himself is a little constipated when talking about problems in the relationship. he would rather glaze over them lowkey, but he knows that isn’t healthy
when you sleep in the same bed as him, you have to bring your own pillow because he uses the two he has to smoosh against his face, ears, and hair
likes to put his chin on top of your head when cuddling, whether he’s facing you or you’re facing away from him 
WILL make tiktoks with you but only halfheartedly. he’ll always be the first to comment on your tiktok or post and it’s always “look at my baby 🥵🥵 🥵”
i know he’s depicted as a sex god, and i’m not saying he’s not good at that stuff, but he still definitely gets flustered if you ever make the first move for anything at all, even if it’s something with you kissing his cheek in public he just gives you this little shy glance because. he shy :((((
if you go to his games and wave at him, he’ll wave back at you looking like a wacky inflatable tube man, his teammates make fun of him but it made you smile so. worth it
when you comb through his hair with your fingers they get stuck in the tangles and then he drags you around the house with your hand basically attached to his head. its great
first kiss headcanons:
you’d be the first one to kiss him because he’s really patient and wants you to set the pace for the relationship
it’s probably be during a study date when he’s frying your brain and you are BEGGING for a break but he’s just like “you can’t even balance chemical equations yet you absolute idiot. you’re not getting a break until you can balance them”
and you just refuse to do them and stare up at him defiantly. he stares back. you’ve been staring at each other for a minute, both refusing to give up. and you decide you’ve had enough and you just shoot up and plant a FAT kiss on his lips and it even makes a smacking sound
and you get up from the bed AND rush out of the room into the kitchen where you proceed to stuff your face with snacks and sustenance with red ears, trying to eat your embarrassment away 
and kuroo’s just. sitting there. frozen and red and confused.
like you???? just????? tricked him????? but you also???? kissed him???? is he annoyed or happy
he is both
and when you come back he’s put all the study materials away and just looks at you and says “i put the stuff away can i have another kiss” while sitting on his bed criss-cross applesauce with his hands clasped in his lap
general affection headcanons:
during school (highschool or college), whenever he sees you, he’ll jog up to you and put his hand on your waist and kiss your cheek or temple and ask you about your day
in the privacy of his own home or your own home, he will come up behind you and squish you in his arms or squish your face with his hands and kiss your face everywhere humanly possible
nips at your ear playfully to get your attention when you’re cuddling
his kisses on your lips are slow and chaste, whenever he pulls away there’s always a smooch sound and it’s <3<3<3<3<3
if you’re sitting on the couch longways with your legs stretched out, he will lay his w h o l e body on top of you and bury his face in your stomach and might even blow raspberries on it
you pinch his butt. it’s a crime if you don’t
he likes to wing his arm ALL the way up before unleashing it’s power on your ass and the slap is all you can hear for the next five minutes as you hold your ass with his hand print on it
likes it when you get engulfed by his hugs or whenever he’s sitting down and you hug him tightly and he feels like you when he hugs you
sleeping with him is the WORST
he literally has NO manners when it comes to sleeping with someone. deadass takes the covers and pillows and doesn’t care if you’re cold. 
him: suffer, bitch.
doesn’t need a whole lot of affection, but he doesn’t want to be the one that initiates affection all the time. he likes to feel wanted, so even a small test of “i miss you :(” makes his heart ZOOM
love this boy and his bed head PLEASE
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vizowrites · 3 years
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Does anyone else want to know the story behind Blitz's panic buttons like some of them make sense right like the deranged client button, Stolas. But then you get to some of the others and it just brings about more questions. Like the client giving birth one. Did this happen more than once? Or did it only have to happen once before Blitz was like "nope never again I'm adding a button so this doesn't happen again."
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THANK YOU SO SO MUCH FOR ASKING ME THIS BECAUSE IT'S SOMETHING I'VE MEANT TO MAKE A POST ON BUT I KEEP FORGETTING!! I actually do have a personal headcanon for how these buttons came to be--and that headcanon iiiiiiiiis:
The buttons are in the exact order of the events that caused them to get added onto the panic board. :D
So, in order, Blitz has felt the overwhelming need to get Moxxie, Millie, and/or Loona's attention while in his office because.....bitch needs more coffee, shat his pants, had a horny client, had a deranged client [I love that this one came after the horny client btw :D], had a client give birth, saw a fucking ghost, and--last and debateably least, the most recent addition of Stolas.
I just.....I'm laughing even as I type this, I just can't deal with the implications there are here. XD
So the "More Coffee" button is absolutely no surprise. Blitz has a caffiene addiction and this is actually something that I'm going to be writing up about more in a separate ask so be on the look out for that one in the future if you want to hear more of my thoughts on it!! Then, sometime down the road, he shat his pants--which, honestly, again, I'm not completely surprised by. But THEN we get to "Horny Client" and this actually interests me for two reasons: 1. I love that it's shown but never spoken that Blitz is like.....one of the hottest people in Hell considering how many people either have or are currently wanting to get into his pants, and 2. Blitz didn't want to have sex with the horny client so hard that he decided to install a panic button for when it happens. I think the second one is particularly interesting because it made me realize that for as dirty as Blitz is, and how unabashed he is when it comes to going all in when he does choose to have sex with someone else, he's never really been horny on main himself. I almost wonder if it has something to do with my first reason where he just knows that he can get sex when he wants it, or if he just genuinely doesn't stress out too hard over sex, but either way.....it kinda makes me wonder just how many times he's had to press that button.
And also, I think, adds a whole extra weight to the fact that Stolas has his own button but that's jumping ahead a bit.
Then we have "Deranged Client" which.....yeah. That one's also pretty par for the course. It's Hell, it's kind of expected that most of the Sinners that are going out of their way to pay I.M.P. to take out someone who's still on Earth would fall into that category. XD
But THEN we get to the client giving birth, and the thing that fascinates me about this one is the fact that it means that Blitz has some clients who aren't Sinners, but Hellborn like himself. See, Sinners [the formerly human souls who populate a good portion of the Pride Ring like Angel Dust, Alastor, and the three Vs] aren't able to reproduce. Therefore, if there's a client in Blitz's office who's giving birth, that client has to be one of the Hellborn [an imp, hellhound, succubus, demon royalty, or some other being who has only ever existed in Hell before].....which opens up some very interesting doors. Why would a Hellborn want to kill a random human on Earth?? My personal headcanon for this is that it only happened the one time, and it was a succubus who was trying to get Blitz to kill the human who knocked her up because he refused to pay child support, and she ended up going into labor in the middle of his office from getting so riled up about the whole thing. :P
And then as if the "Client Giving Birth" button wasn't crazy enough to think about, then we get to "Ghost", which just has me like.....how the fuck does that even work?? Ghosts are in Hell?? Though that makes me wonder if perhaps what it is is that, much like how on Earth, we hear stories about humans being able to see the spirits of those unable to pass on, maybe it works in a similar way in Hell with the Hellborn?? So you can have ghost imps and hellhounds and all of the other naturally born denizens of Hell just kind of pop up randomly on people when they're going about their business. If that's the case, that would honestly be kind of hilarious--and it would be an interesting answer to what happens to the Hellborn when they die, as--unlike Sinners--they do appear to have lifespans and naturally age. I'm really interested to hear what you guys think about this one tho!! How do you think ghosts exist in Hell?? :D
-takes a deep breath-
.....And I don't even really want to say too much about the fact that Stolas has his own button, but I think it says a lot that for someone who supposedly went into this "transactional fucking" arrangement willingly, Blitz still found it necessary to install a button to let the other people in the office know that he didn't want to be alone in the room with Stolas anymore.
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the-acid-pear · 3 years
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Tumblr refuses to let me reblog the post again, so this is the second part of me reading the second btg book! ☺️
Still Chapter 211
Son on son violence
Chapter 212
This dude pretty cute ngl
Shit, rip
AAWW HIGH 5 🥺🥺
It's almost like they are a regular father and son 😭🥺💔
Chapter 213
Look how thigh those shirts are hehehoho 🥴
OYXITSITDITDLTD
Ooooh there goes my man Jyaku ready to kick some ASS
🥺😭💞
Baki really just forgot his mom eh, thought you were getting stronger for HER smh
Oh Jyaku vs Retsu? Nvm Jyaku i can only hope Retsu is nice w you
I like how most are like, confused over who to cheer for lmao
I know he won't make it but I'm cheering for Jyaku btw i like him more <33
Chapter 214
Love that title, can't believe Jyaku is gonna ask Retsu out 😍 /j
He really is just honest Igari
I love that he apologizes
Chapter 215
OJFOYDITDISTOTDG
HIS FACEEE THIS FUCKING CLOWN 😭😭😭
THIS IS JUST SO FUCKING FUNNY
Chapter 216
Burgir
GHZJDUDDRHD THEY ARE SOOO MAD
That smile so cute...
Jyaku is a king
Love it when Retsu throws that pose, though y'all know why
HDGSSGSGF you are coming to Japan wether you like it or not 🔫
Chapter 217
Finally Jyaku got serious too
WITH HIS TOES 😭
King is just obsessed i luv him
HEHE HAIRY LEGS
It does seem like Jyaku is trynna confess his love jfnshdshdf
Chapter 218
I remember i almost laugh cry with my dad when we saw this
His damn beard... 💔
THE HAND OF THE TRAITOR
He has a good point
They be calling my man Jyaku a masochist noooo yfjdhdgs
Chapter 219
Okay seems kinda into it <:/
Old man? He doesn't look that old Baki :/
That was so smart 🥺
Chapter 220
Retsu calm down please you are gonna break his back
Oh my god Retsu, oh my god.
He did apologize at least
Chapter 221
Damn dude be a little more gentle with him
Oh, get was picking him up, okay
FR FR
🥺🥺🥺
FARHDHDYFTH THE KINGGG
Chapter 222
I love how everyone completed him (except Yujiro but not surprising), these warriors are such a good team
I want to eat an apple too now
That was fast
I got distracted watching a vsauce react video sorry
Okay I'm glad a comment actually mentioned Sik
Chapter 223
Had to take a uh idk 5 hour break bc lights went out :/
Feet be fuming lmao
Ohhh that's a cool analysis
Chapter 224
What a good punch
That "please",,,
Poor Li man, having to see his brother DIE /j
No, Viêt Long, i have not been hit by a truck before.
Chapter 225
It's so funny how Jyaku lost bc he fought a main charac and only those win
Sad day for the Chinese citizens
Mf got tits in his back
This is gonna be so goodddd
Chapter 226
Look at the size of his tits, the slut
INSTAGRAM INFLUENCER POSE WOOO
These two are cool fighters
Chapter 227
Old man showing skin
His smile is so fucked up lmao
Chapter 228
Baki what the FUCK are you wearing?
I just remembered when Hana did a flip, that was so good
Retsu babey 🥺
I love how confused Yujiro looks
Chapter 229
Hey, i recognize that name...
Kaku just too op
Yujiro you are gonna pop your testicles if you do that with your leg
Chapter 230
God that's such a good threat
Love Retsu's confusion
Damn bitch you saying we gotta keep up w this whore cuz you were too slow? Ffs Kaku 😢
I love when you can tell someone is still hanging around just quietly by seeing their response in a comment
Chapter 231
God this just feels so good, to see Yujiro actually scared 😍
YOOO THAT'S POG
Chapter 232
I wanna finish this book and start the next one grrr
This fight is so satisfying
That last bit is so cringe but whatever that's okay
Fight so controversial comments were deactivated
Chapter 233
Itagaki hincha de boquita el más grande? 😳 /j
Okay yeah it IS just rude
Hohoooo shit getting nice
Chapter 234
This asshole lmao
Yuji-chan really went "how many times do i have to teach you this lesson, old man?!"
Mfs be doing Jojo references in the comments lol
Chapter 235
GTFO WITH THAT LOGIC RETSU IM SORRY CHINA IS LOSING BUT GET LOSTTTT AJSGAJGS
Ffs Kaku you are doomed 😢💔
Yujiro so strong my mouse disconnected
Chapter 236
Abs in his back...
Crying and shaking that is NOT true
DON'T FEED HIS EGO, KAKU
LIONS CAN BE KILLED BY TIGERS TOO!!!!
I thought Yujiro was bleeding for a second there smh
Chapter 237
OKAY YEAH IT IS HIS BLOOD ITS COMING OUT OF HIS NOSE ITS NOT MUCH BUT HE BLED
THE HEAD APPLAUSE
HE'S SO UPSET LMAOOO
Yujiro surprised is good shit
GSJDUFTHSTD
KAKU YOU LEGEND LMAO
Kaku has boyboss energy
Chapter 239
This cover almost gives me a stroke
I love how they all just shat their pants
These minor Chinese characters were so good tbh, sadly i don't think they will ever return
Don't worry Retsu, we the viewers have seen a man revive before
King i don't think any of us understands
It really is
CAN MEN IN THIS FRANCHISE JUST OPEN BOTTLES REGULARLY?!
Oh my god i though Yujiro was sitting on the air for a second i almost cry 😭
Coca cola must have paid Itagaki /j
Chapter 240
Oh so the Kaioh part takes the name, not the surname
...is Yujiro wearing a floral shirt? 😭
I LOVE THAT ENDING SO MUCH 🥺😭
Jyaku has his eyes fixated on Retsu eh, proud of having him come to Japan lmao
Chapter 241
HORRIBLE fit Baki
CHILDHOOD SAGA PART 2? 😰
Jk though i do miss Yuri 🥺
Oh hey Jr
You gonna fuck his girl, bro?
Chapter 242
So straight forward lmao
I'm starting to appreciate Baki's feminist ass every day even more
AAAA GRANDPAAA 🥺🥺💞
This page didn't allow me to call two mfs virgins smh, 1984
Chapter 243
Grandpa they shrunk you
Chapter 244
Kings idc about this
Okay true but also he's 70 dude pls... Though idk if this guy will go thru worse than Jack lmao
Such a nice lad
Chapter 245
Baki being such a feminist icon is so meaningful considering how his parents were,,,
MY MAN IS BACKKK AND AS DAPPER AS EVER
Doppo he's called Ali Jr how are you surprised?
OH MY GOD I JUST REALIZED HIS EYE PATCH HAS A PATTERN THAT'S SO COOL 🥺🥺😢💞
These men love throwing their glasses eh
Chapter 246
If only Igari and Toba had done this lol
OKAY THATS COOL I LIKE THAT
Me lo re devaluaron a mí pelado eh
HEHE OOOOH NICE 😳
Scenes that give me a boner
CHU...
Such a good callback...
Chapter 247
My man got serious, sweet
Doppo has been trying out his luck a bit too much like he's been betting with his life an uncomfortable lot like king do you need to talk? Are you okay? First asking Gouki to kill him now this like, is everything alright Doppo?
YEAH A BIT FUCKED UP TO THINK ABOUT
I love that blocking technique
OSHWOWHIWWH "gay ass Orochi, out of option so he touching dick" SHUT UPPP 😭😭💀
I really wish he got kicked in the nuts again see if he's still using his technique
Chapter 248
Poor guys thought he was bout to get murdered
A kiss? 😏 /j
When i saw this in the anime i actually thought Orochi was going to die, i was gonna get sooo angry
Chapter 249
What a way to cockblock em
Feminist icon
Jack is that the only sweater you own?
Chapter 250
I have been thinking of that scene of him eating the whole steak a lot
Jr like 🥺
Imagine being stupid enough to tease Jack like, i get he defeated two masters but they are NOTHING compared to this monster
Imagine jack just smoked some weed right there lmao
Jack needs to bite people more
Chapter 251
My shitty ass son gave me parkinson's
Jack that's not how human anatomy works what the fuck did Kureha do to your body spine?
Chapter 252
DAMN JR WHAT A FAT ASS
Looked like Jack was going for a handful
Those techniques must fuck your neck up so bad
Okay Jack you are going a bit far now don't cha think?
Chapter 253
You are tempting your luck sunny boy
Look at that, you pissed him off!
You cannot just know out jack hanma bro
HHH
This was so stupid yet, unironically, iconic
Chapter 254
Bruh i thought it said Pog 😭, ain't manslaughter poggers Mr Hanma?
OKAY THANKS JACK
Such a simp he downed that coffee cup
Grandpa put here cockblocking
Chapter 255
"no he didn't >:/"
These two masters are a pair of fucking idiots like understand this i love my grandpa and i love my man but mfs have to take the L for this one time sksgwjgshgw
Gouki bro my senses gonna shut down if you put your sucks against the dirt again OUGH sensory hell 😭
FOR FUCKING REAL JR
STOP ENABLING THE OLD MAN!! WKSGKSGSJSHDD for once I'm on Viêt's side 😭
Chapter 256
Hoho Gouki out here getting a panty shot 😳
Grandpa i love you but this was unnecessary
Chapter 257
Kozue should wear a Korn tshirt
GET HIS ASS KOZUE
OWHWLWGISGSJWG 😭😭 MF JUST STANDING THERE LIKE A FREAK I LOVE HIM BUT I HATE HIM SM!!!
Love how consistently round his hands are, king got no knuckles
HEY DONT CALL MY MAN A FREAK KOZUE
King hasn't changed his clothes ever since i see
His shoes look so nice...
OKAY OKAY HE HAS A POINT AT LEAST, HE AT LEAST ACCEPTED HE LOST BUT HE'S STILL BUTTHURT FROM IT SKSGAJGS BUT HE ADMITS IT!!
Doppo i love you but shut UPPP you lost get over it!! You are just going for the rematch bc you have the higher ground against a injured guy!!! Like Shibukawa didn't have time but you were already getting serious!! Hhhgrrrrrr doppo i love you but I'm going to bark
Hehe nvm he still hella fine... keep talking king 🥴
This was so mean of him sjsgwjwg
Chapter 258
Low-key starting to believe these two mfs plotted against Jr sjshsj
THAT FACE AKSGWJGS just 😐
If i didn't know you would get your ass handed in a plate i would be a lil mad he's planning on being that savage
He has been thru worse, sunny boy
Niceee
Tbh. I don't care anymore. Doppo is in the wrong, but GOD I'm a simp and i love seeing him fight 😍😍🥴
Yeah a comment mentioned it, we all were on Jr side until he threatened to kill Doppo Orochi like, even if not everyone here is as horny as me we all like an og fella
I also love how the prisoners really changed them all, the scars (both physical and mental) those 5 left will be remembered lol
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whole-lotta-hoes · 3 years
Text
Whole Lotta Hoes| Crack Fanfic Mini Series
Episode One: Zeppelin Is No More
Episode Two: Looking For A Job
Episode Three:
Episode Four:
Episode Five:
Warning:
This will cause you to lose a couple of brain cells and question your sanity. It will include a shit ton of weird shit and things that don't make sense at all. Do not read if you are not ready for any of this, read at your own risk.
Cast:
John Paul Jones (Main character)
Robert Plant
Jimmy Page
John Bonham
-------------------
Led Zeppelin is a band apparently. It's just a bunch of horny mother fuckers put together to make songs about sex. John Paul Jones was laying in bed with Robert Plant which he has no idea how that happened. He hoped nothing weird went down between them cause Jimmy Page would be so mad. oh jesus oh god you do not want to make that mother fucker mad. He'll literally turn you into a cheeseball and eat you. John got out of bed only to see that John Bonham was standing in the corner eating swedish fish gummies. He was not going to question it.
"Want some?" Bonzo asked him and he held one in his hand.
"I don't know you what the fuck!?" Jonesy yelled. He went to the baffroom and spotted jimmy trying to swim inside of the toilet. He believed he could do it if he tried hard enough.
"the oil supply demand is sky rocketing these days!" jimmy yelled as he got out of the toilet.
"Bitch do not touch me with your boo boo water," He warned him as he grabbed a toothbrush to use as a weapon. He learned how to make a knife with it in jail.
"Penis guitar playing is totes fun jonesy, you should try it," jimmie added. Oh mother fucker he is a heterosexual lad. Or that is what he said the other day when he ate some of robert's caramel popcorn. man he wondered how he even ended up in that stupid band. who's led and why does he have a zeppelin? you know some guy named their kid zeppelin but he claims that he didn't name him after the band. wait what were we talking about?
The band all decided to head to mcdonalds to eat happy meals. jimmy tickles.
"Guys! oh my god you will not believe it but britney is such a slut! ugh! can't believe she left me for a fish lookin' mother fucker-"
"No one gives a rats ass about your weird horny ass!" jimmy cut him off by yelling at robert. God damn that shithead has a huge ego but a small dick. Jonesy never understood why people liked him so much. He once stole his favorite pair of jojo siwa socks and claimed he never knew he owned any.
"You motherfuckers we're supposed to be going on tour!" Bonzo yelled as he swooped the food off the table.
"suck my asshole bonzo!" jim yelled.
"calm down pagey, he's just a meanie," robert added as he patted his head.
"y'all need to start realizing that no one likes you both!" jonesy snapped.
"shut up you're literally ugly and small and the bassist of led zeppelin and you look like heman with that stupid haircut of yours" Bonzo said as he ate jonesys burgers. damn that hurt.
"You know," jonesy began, "i don't need this job"
"what job?" robeet askes.
"shhhhh let the weirdo speak," jimmy said as he stuck his finger into his mouth.
"without me you will all suck asshole and no one will actually like led zeppelin," he explained.
the three slowly looked at each other and began to laugh their asses off at him.
"You act like you matter so much," robert added.
"shut up cheese cream! you're literally big and ugly and you look like you are 50 years old!" bonzo said as he drank his milk. that was funny. Jonesy felt his blood boil and grabbed his happy meal and stormed out.
-
It was the day of their shit concert. led zeppelin were backstage preparing to cause a dismother and set things on fire. preferably roberts underwear that pretty much doesn't exist in this case. the band stepped on stage and the crowd went wild.
"hello bananas-" That motherfucker fell forward into the drum set. oopsies. jimmy ran to him to make sure his hoe isn't dead or alive. fucking bon jovi.
"oh shit! robert plant is down!" he yelled. jonesy was absolutely done with them. they are nothing but a bunch of dumb fucks who ruin everything. He took out his laser penis and shot jimmy and robert to death.
"oh Motherfucker has a fucking laser pp! hija de su pinche madre!" jimmy yelled as he split in half. robert died again. bonzo just sat there blown away by the fact that that john paul jones just killed the front man and the guitarist of Led Zeppelin in front of millions of people. he was impressed.
"holy shit man you really-"
nope sorry but jonesy shot him too so he died. damn he could've let him live. meanie. oh wait im writing this so i could've.... ah man im too lazy to go back and fix it. too bad we're going with this plot now. Jonesy stepped off the stage and headed to the back.
"god dammit i hate everyone in this bloody world," he said to himself. he decided to hit the pub that was nearby to enjoy himself.
As he was sitting at the counter drinking something that is an alcoholic beverage. he began to spark ideas of what he could possibly do since led zeppelin died. He thought about starting a whole new band but he remembered that what caused him to kill led zeppelin. that was out of the shopping list for walmart. next was to steal money from the bank so he remains rich but he then realized that he is a famous musician and will get recognized quickly. fuck. he then thought of changing his hair to look less like heman cause that insult hurt.
"aha!" he shouted. He finally thought of something that could get him a shit ton of money. He drank the remaining drink from his cup and ran out of the pub.
-
he put on a thicc line of eyeliner, red lipstick, a black wig, fish nets leggings, high heeled boots, and earrings. oh man this is going to be hella great. His wife walked in to see what the fuck this small ass mothertrucker was up to this time. oh man i shat my pants.
"sweetie what the fuck are you doing!?" she yelled. Jonesy turned to look at her.
"led zeppelin is no more," he responded. She was so confused and wondered how the fuck she even ended up marrying heman. she had no idea what led zeppelin is no more meant and was hella concerned for his health.
"be back in a few days," he added as he broke his ankle trying to exit the house and rolled down the hill. oops it's not up the hill anymore. guess you could really say he went down hill. i hate myself so much. he walked down the sidewalk and ended up in someone's house. Motherfucker it's jimmy page's house. he stole his nice trousers or whatever those were. my teacher walked by as i wrote that btw. turns out they don't fit him cause jimmy is also a big hoe and jonesy isn't. shit. jimmy is embarrassing asf. that was pointless of him stealing so he stole his underwear. wait he wears those? imma look it up hold on. i didn't find anything about that so im just going to assume that he doesnt.
there was a picture of jimmy when he was with the yardbirbs and golly that is one ugly Motherfucker! he stole and stuffed it into his underwear. he got out of the house full of useless shit that he did not need at all. Then he forgot what he was doing. Jonesy continued walking down the street only to break his other ankle and rolled down the steep pathway. damn he's one dumb hoe bitch.
-
His laser penis was out of control. he just wanted to have a little me time but instead shot a whole through the wall of the motel be was staying in. god dammit. he removed his pp and switched it out with a normal pp. that's odd. his plan of overthrowing led zeppelin stressed him out. what else do you do when you're stressed? well can't say cause i ain't gotta peener. he got so bored. his days of not being in led zeppelin have been lame and was the worst idea he could even come up with. he didn't know what to do know. he can't just eat your grandma over and over again. he looked at himself through the mirror and oh my god I'm a sexy Motherfucker oh yeah bitch im THE BITCH. he needed to find something that'll keep him entertained for while.
babysitting was a bad idea. he got bitten by a bunch of goblins and gave him rabies. god i hate kids.
"hello motherfucker," jimmy said.
"OH SWEET MOTHER OF GOD DAD SHOES PENIS PLANT! I THOUGHT I KILLED YOU THE OTHER DAY!" Jonesy yelled as he jumped over the couch.
"Nah bitch that was just my twin brother Jamie Patricia Page," He added. "Bitch why are you dressed like a stripper?"
Oh yeah he forgot that was what he was going to do once he killed led zeppelin. he still can but now there's a little bitch with him named james patrick page.
"we should kill robert plant," jimny suggested.
"Bitch i already killed him, you're a little too late you duck whore," he responded.
turns out he didn't actually kill led zeppelin but instead killed their twin brothers.
"You want to overthrow led zeppelin into the trashcan?" Jonesy asked. "Thought that's what you and bert wanted to do...."
"Nah man.... percy is a very stupid penguin and is meanie.... he stole my jojo siwa socks," jimmy explained.
ah damn turns out robert plant is the villain of the story and should be died. he is too powerful. his hair will slice the fuck out of anyone.
"You got a plan?" Jonesy asked.
"i say we steal his pants and burn them and use them as an alternative to oil," he explained. damn science class. then this guy named bonzo showed up and began to beat them with his drum sticks.
"BONZO CALM THE FUCK DOWN! AHHHHHHHHH!!!" james yelled.
"sorry but robert said to beat you both with them!" bonzo yelled back.
jonesy dug through his pants and took out a bunch of swedish fish gummies.
"hey look! fish gummies! come and get it boy!"
"bitch what the fuck I am not some stupid dog for you to be doing that time of shit you small Motherfucker heman lookin hoe short shit," bonzo said.
"GIMME GIMME OH SHIT!" he attacked Jonesy.
jimmy page the god of led zeppelin stood there watching while cheering them on fight fight fight! it got in here so he removed his trousers and threw them at bonzo which ended up knocking him out.
"oh shit! your pants are powerful! we can use it to kill percy!" Jonesy shouted.
"NO! JIMBERT MUST GO CANON!" Jimmy yelled and jumped out the window. all you heard was splash. that motherfucker jumped into the pool and is now wet. that's a disturbing image. Jonesy rolled his eyes and went back to doing whatever the fuck he was doing. it all of a sudden got really bright outside. oh the sun came out cause it was cloudy. but wait! Jonesy looked out the window and spotted robert plant heading towards him.
"IM THE GOLDEN GOD-" that motherfucker fell inside of the pool and sizzled. cual pinche golden god ese no mas anda haciendo puros desmadres y estupideces de mario.
that was the end of led zeppelin.
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tired-smol-ray · 4 years
Note
Ayyyy for the cute asks! Sorry, it's a lot hehe! Love you!!💖💙💗💙💖💙💕💖 Cutie pie Daisies Dovey Dreams Forever Kisses Rainbow Toot MWUAH💕💗💙💜💜
Thank you! And no no don't worry I don't mind at all, thank you!❤❤❤💓💕💙💕🧡 (pls excuse my long answers... again...)(I am sorry)
Cutie pie: most precious item you own?
Easy one! I have a box under my bed where I collect stuff that I got from friends and cinema tickets and all that stuff from days that i really enjoyed.
Andddd my "every-day-precious-item" are my key chains! I would probably cry and hang myself if I lost them whoopsie- (i was so sad when I lost my Good Omens one, rip)
Daisies: describe a moment when you felt free
Hmm, it can be both: normal school days, but where I felt really comfortable, warm, safe, happy etc. But also great days where I spend a lot of time with people(or also just with one person) that are important to me. For example when we went hiking, I felt super super great💕💕💓❤(thank you a lot mwuah) Another thing is when I am home alone and the weather is nice and I am done with my chores and can just lay on the bed and listen to nice music and not moving and just occasionally smiling.
Dovey: any paranormal/magical experiences?
Ouf, uhm I would have several things i could say here hmm
Uhm okay something like maybe I was once in a quite maniac-depressive episode? And that was this years' winter and I kinda hat two very strange and kinda scary things? Yeah idk
One was when I came back from the toilet at 3am and I was passing the living room rn to get to the bedroom and even though the lights were turned out everywhere I suddenly had a very different image in my head. So, I went into the living room, and it was dark when I did, but the next step it suddenly felt like the lights were turned on and suddenly something from the lamp started cracking and then kinda exploded and I saw fucking yellow and orange light and I immediately kneeled down and held my head to yk protect myself in case I get hurt? But... the next second I opened my eyes everything was just as dark and quiet. And idk then I kinda started crying in the bathroom bc I was scared and yeah(i would have understood it if I were sleepy or smth but I really was not)
And another thing was on the skiing week I was just sitting on the floor(like gays do)and listening and occasionally throwing in some stuff while friends were talking in our room and then I suddenly heard screams and I kinda couldn't hear the others for like 7 seconds and I nearly shat my pants bc fuck someone is screaming, somethings happening! And why is no one reacting?
(But like I think you saw my confused face after that and asked what was up. I said nothing, but well that was it, sorry hun XD)
(I am.sorry if I understood this wrong, but when I hear "paranormal" i think of something scary and the only magical thing taht has ever happened to me is you, so yeah \_(^-^)_/)
Dreams: do you want to have any tattoos?
Yes yes yes yes yes (i like the ones that would be temporary you know? Now you can get tatoos that stay for 6 months, 1 year, 2 years and stuff. I would love to get one of them)
Forever: where do you feel time stop
When we hug ówò or when I see your eyes, they are just so eternally beautiful fifkkfjfj(liek everything about you, but yk that I adore your eyes XD)
And also just generally when I am having a really good laugh with someone. Like just laughing really hard and not getting any air. That happens quite often when I am at Maqeeta's she is just a pure comedian I love her XD our energy matches a lot hehe.
And I have this kind of moments with a lot friends so I really really love that (I still can't get over "Sebastian" during our IT-class if you remember XD)(and a few other conversations :D)
Kisses: what romantic cliché do youwish most for?
I-I.... I really want to have a date(if I ever have one in general, but also just a meet-up with someone) where you uhm:
You know those picnics on a hill? And just watching the sun go down and then watch the stars with a person you really like or a significant other? It would be something that I can imagine going super well and nice and comfortbale and lovely and yeah. Maybe one day, maybe not! Hehe
A-And... something else would be to k-kiss on top of a ferris wheel? I always SWOON when I read a manga or book and that happens hehe so yeah these two are something very cliché but sound so enlightening to me
Rainbow: what was thelastline of the lastbook you read?
OwO I don't remember the exact sentence but my dear Elizabeth was being sarcastical and funny again, I love her XD
Toot: what is something you find unique about yourself?
I am uniquely annoying-
Heh, I am sorry I don't have an answer on this that is positive. But thank you for the ask! Mwuah!
OKAY PLEASE EXCUSE MY RANTS AND THANK YOU FOR THE ASKS MWUAH❤❤❤❤❤❤
Oh and btW I LOVE YOU!!
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ca1e70-deactivated · 4 years
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a list of my entirely way too niche headcanons ive actually implemented for everyones imagination:
name options ive used and refuse to retire: david elizabeth strider (sometimes i dont feel like being a douche to others and saying thats not his name), harley davidson strider, and david james strider for the sake of simplicity
im not gonna tell yall the like. oc exes ive given him bc thatll take eighteen years. 
i dont rlly have an explanation on the ghost thing besides the fact he just can? ive occasionally pulled from family ghost stories and experiences bc i somehow got landed with family members who lived in a haunted house for a decade and enjoy scaring me with all the stories (including the time my cousin literally died on the kitchen floor from a bronchial spasm and one of the friends that was over asked my aunt later what was up with the old man she saw in the corner of the room that night - my cousin is fine btw shes just a huge bitch and a third grade teacher and i dont like her)
whether or not hes done drugs is based on absolutely nothing besides how im feeling in that moment. either hes the designated driver and sober friend forever or he got fired from his job after doing a line at work during graveyard with some random customers theres no inbetween (this absolutely happened @ waho. if dave works at waho hes a mess of a person and thats on the diner itself.)
ok look i hc dave w/schizophrenia besides when i was 14 i had a hyperfixation with learning about it and then at 16 was prescribed a medication and had side effects so wack my therapist genuinely thought 14 yr old me was onto something and its a weird way to cope with the idea that lady put in my head that i might “develop it in my twenties” which i turn 20 this year and i havent been able to stop obsessing and panicking over the prospect so PLEASE dont come in my inbox calling me ableist im not out here all harley quinn in suicide squad with the voices ok hes medicated, he goes to therapy, the hard fast delusion that lil cal was nearly sentient and informed bro of every single thing dave did no matter how asinine it was is no longer a debilitatingly affecting him ANYWAYS
i actually use the chicken/egg farming family pretty often just because its hilarious to me to give dave like. an actual mom and dad. hes literally an uncle to like three different kids he just never visits because they make fun of his skinny jeans and he hates one of his (incredibly bare-bones ocs all of them) brothers who threatened to bash his head in with a little league bat after dave broke his star wars lego set apart on accident (but not rlly) so their parents were like “why dont you stay with your brother in the big city for a lil while champ” and then they just never picked him back up? and thats on favoritism 
the other one is that his name is actually david reed and hes the middle child of a family of three who literally live the standard golden retriever white middle class life only they went to disney land or something equally as dumb one year when dave was like 6 and he wandered off so bro literally just went “huh free game” because frankly he was an idiot who thought maybe i should take this kid home because its real dangerous in parking lots and then it was too late to NOT have it seem like a kidnapping and thats why daves never had a summer job, seen his birth certificate, or gone to school. but vaguely remembers what kindergarten was like and having a pet dog and calling someone mom as a kid. 
im not making a bullet point about his sex life headcanons just use your imagination and acknowledge the fact bro essentially worked within the sex industry and i enjoy putting dave through trauma as a catharsis 
i stopped doing this one usually but if he did go to school hes been in percussion since fifth grade and played the drums in his high schools jazz band as well as various edgy teenager garage bands he likes to pretend dont have a youtube presence and that hes absolutely never been shirtless in front of plenty of his classmates because he wore a hoodie to a show like an idiot. idk occasionally ill put him in an actual band he doesnt hate but keeps separate from his lil turntechGodhead internet persona (which i will ALSO touch upon in a sec) until they wind up getting looped into a tour with some bigger named band that has a show in *insert beta kid here*’s city and hes gotta come clean solely so he can visit his online friend. sorry derseasterous thats the one time weve ever run into each other and i made him have a crush on one of his bandmates i was in my anti-daverose phase where i made dave a hoe and also didnt want to admit i still loved the ship all these years later 
i hate it so much but you know the whole vr loli trap voice shit that was popular a while ago? hes fucking baller at it for some reason. he did it as a joke while talking to bro and they both about shat their pants. if im feeling real ambitious, hes got a separate soundcloud solely dedicated to doing dumbass rap covers or making his own but in the voice under the pseudonym elizabeth “beth” davids that he will never admit is his. well, he will, but hes gonna be really fucking embarrassed about it. irony or not.
talking abt seperate soundclouds and stuff ive always had it where turntechGodhead was his like. essentially internet fucking persona facade shit he used because we all had that phase where we wanted memorable urls and stuff but also didnt want to totally ignore the nagging fear of people finding you in real life, until it turned into real life ppl finding you on the internet. so he also has basically an adjacent set of social media under the same name but its just a boring username i havent decided on so everyone he knows irl doesnt mix up with what hes made for himself as TG and the people he knows as TG dont know what highschool he goes to. (this occasionally comes with the territory of ppl on parp being pissed that daves “lying” or “hiding things” from his friends as if he was doing it out of spite instead of just keeping embarrassing tagged photos and videos from football games or when he ate shit at the skatepark from fucking with his “rap career”)
every once in a while i get on a kick where hes just german. like, i just replace houston texas with hamburg germany and have him apply to a university in whatever state is applicable for whoever im chatting with and it goes from there? sometimes he moved when he was little and went through the whole visa thing, sometimes he didnt go through the visa thing, sometimes hes a dual citizen because of family and shit, its all dependent on what suits the situation best. 
one that ive been fucking with for a while but hardly break out (until recently with like 5 roses in the span of one day hell yeah) is that he has a neighbor at the end of the hall who is like a thousand year old witch lady that hes basically adopted as his mother figure in lieu of not having one and shes totally cool with it, especially bc when she kicks the bucket she fully plans on giving dave all her occult stuff so her figure-skating coach and realtor daughter doesnt sell it at a garage sale and lets it all go to waste. she also once brought rose up by name in a conversation without any prompting of her existence which dave didnt realize for days, and then one time cryptically stopped and stared at an empty space in the wall, went “she has potential, you know.” then looked at him sitting on her kitchen counter with a smile “lots of it” and hes thought about that weekly ever since. (it is important to note one of the occult items he leaves her is literally her own personal book of shadows shes been filling out for decades its like a 600 page leatherbound book dave has no idea what its used for but the sheer amount of homemade spells and etc in it is like. gonna murder rose the second this chick gets her hands on it i promise you.)
theres the standard strife shit? im not rlly gonna get into those theyre all basically cookie cutter bullshit. its just standard bro and dave abuse talk. i like to inclulde the whole 24hr live cam up in the apartment that definitely watches dave in every room besides his own and the bathroom, but that quickly delves into the prospect of middle-aged men stalking him online and basically sexually harassing him in his own god damn home by talking about how they can see him just trying to take his shoes off in the living room after getting home and frankly? its not one of my best takes! but once you throw it into the headcanon bin, its there forever. 
he actually really does do something with his photography but not enough to warrant anything exciting, but he has his own branding for it and regularly takes pictures of his friends or anything else he thinks is moderately interesting enough to take pictures of, but those are just thrown into shoeboxes under his bed in favor of posting genuine shots because he wants to keep his image intact and blurry photos of jade smiling in the tree they climbed up together while bec paws at the base of it while whining isnt exactly something he wants the whole world to see.
i also pretty often but him into either paleontology OR i put him down as trying to become a mortician because he thinks handing roadkill once he graduated from museum giftshop specimens to doing his own taxidermy on the side has prepared him enough to perform an occasional autopsy and start embalming real human corpses. (sometimes i put my own desires in and make them his bc i have to project at some point and put him through the same EMT course i dropped out of bc it was one semester and he already has pretty decent first aid skills, but he definitely didnt expect it to be as fucking wild at times as it is, but whats he gonna do? get a job back at waffle house? the company hes working for just offered to pay like half his associates in paramedicine tuition and hes already got all his pre-recs done when he started for paleo. at least its a stable job and hes got the ability to be compassionate in the moment) 
im running out of things that ive done to the poor kid. OH 
hes not a virgin he had a girlfriend all four years of high school (shes also one of his optional and designated exes plz keep up) and their relationship ends in one of two ways: she dies in a car accident a week before their high school graduation, or she stops talking to him entirely a week after their high school graduation until a couple years later she gets into (guess what) a car accident with her current wife/girlfriend and dies which leaves behind their daughter. who just so happens to also be daves daughter. her name is hannah and i love her like my own but no one ever likes her and thats on the conditioning of dirk. does dave end up taking her in? yes. shes awesome and the first time he takes her to the park to like run off some fucking steam she disappears for two minutes and dave is moderately terrified until she comes back holding a dead baby squirrel and thats the moment he realizes huh maybe things really do be genetic.
ok at the bottom of the list im gonna add the couple of times hes been a camboy which usually coincides with the live apartment cam thing and the amount of people in his dms calling him hot or whatever, but typically its more of a started the day he turned 18 and basically dipped around 20 in favor of showing up randomly with no warning to complain about a video game dick in hand because it gives him an outlet that wont annoy his friends bc this is the fifteenth time hes had a lot to say this week about a certain boss battle and also the comments fuel his ego and daddy issues.
the last one wasnt the bottom but literally unless its explicitly proven otherwise every time anyone rps with me there is the underlying fact dave strider was a goalie on his high school lacrosse teams all four years and (shocker another one) definitely had the hots for one of his teammates like major hots like first gay experience hots. like it was painfully obvious that teammate also liked him back hots. like one night at a team sleepover one of the other guys was like can yall just makeout and get it over with were fucking tired and dave really had the balls to be offended and ask what the fuck they were talking about while literally sitting halfway in the mans lap bc for some reason they had to share the same chair. 
he is also guilty until proven innocent of being the worlds biggest loner outside of that sports team and even though hes literally a jock he still opts to eat his lunch alone in the hallway or something like that and has a tendency to leave girls on read, but bc hes got an in with the rest of the jocks hes basically drug around to plenty of parties and since hes conventionally attractive enough and popular in the aloof way that he is, hes got plenty of tagged insta posts and twitter directs and snapchat streaks going. 
THESE WERE ALL NO GAME AND DONT INVOLVE SHIPS BC I LIKE TO KEEP MY OPTIONS OPEN AND THEYRE LITERALLY ALL BASED OFF RPS IVE DONE I HOPE YALL JUDGE ME ACCORDINGLY
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horansqueen · 5 years
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BabyGirl 7.0
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NOTES:
♥ this is based on a concept i received a few weeks ago and ppl asked that i made a story with it. ♥ i planned 3-4 long parts but i think it’ll be 8-10 short parts ♥ 3.4k. fluff. ♥ there may be smut but i doubt it and IF it happens it wont be as explicit as my other smut works. ♥ i didn’t proofread and if you read my stuff you know i never do because im a lazy ass. ♥ idk how i feel about this chapter? only his POV btw, was easier this way. please tell me if youre still interested in this story? i feel like its dying slowly lol ♥ if you have any questions please dont hesitate.
♥ PART 1  // PART 2 // PART 3  // PART 4 // PART 5 // PART 6
              7.0  NEW MUSIC AND IMPORTANT QUESTIONS
HIM
Maybe It's time you go home.
Her words resonated in my head over and over as I drove back to my house and I couldn't help but wonder if I was really going to kiss her out of pity. I've been flooded with so many intense feelings in the past days that it was sometimes hard to unscramble. I barely understood myself, so I couldn't expect her to understand me at all.
The only thing I was sure of, is that I loved Chelsea. If I could have created the perfect child for me, I wouldn't even have came close to that perfection. She was turning me into a different man, a better one I believed, and I was so proud to be her dad it almost hurt. Still, if I wanted to be honest with myself, I shat my pants just thinking about her reaction to finding out I was her father. I could live easily with what the rest of the world would think, but if Chelsea didn't want me as a dad, I had no idea how I would take it.
I threw my keys on the counter and locked the door behind me, taking my coat off and leaving it on the couch, along with my beanie and my scarf. I walked slowly to the kitchen and opened my fridge, staring way too long at the inside of it. I was not exactly sure of what I wanted, and it made me think of her. I also was not really sure what I wanted when it came to my ex girlfriend. Did I want her to be my ex ex girlfriend? Or was I attracted to her simply because of the vestige of feelings that were once really fucking strong?
I couldn't blame her for moving away when I decided to kiss her but when I brushed my thumb on her bottom lip, I realized that even if I was not sure of the feelings we truly had for each other, I was well aware of how my body vibrated when she was near and it brought an other question in my head. Was it simply lust? Would we finally succumb to the temptation in weeks from now only to find out that it was only physical attraction? That thought made me grimace and I bent down to quickly grab a beer.
The last thing she told me was to leave and I felt like it ended things very badly. I didn't want to hurt her, and my instinct really told me to kiss her. My head, however, kept reminding me of all the wrongs she did me and it made me sigh.
I grabbed my phone and turned it on again. I had only brought it in case of an emergency but I was not going to let myself be distracted by it when I was spending time with my daughter. It turned on slowly and I sighed for the second time when all the notifications popped up. One made me frown though and I opened it, only to see an amazing picture of Chelsea on my shoulders with fireworks in the background. It was a great photo, and even if I knew it was her job as a photographer, I was still impressed by the quality of the picture. She hadn't written anything but the date and I quickly changed the background of my phone for this photo.
'Thank you for the picture Xx' i typed quickly before hitting 'send'.
I stared at the words I sent, my thumb still hovering over the keyboard of my phone, wondering if I should type anything else.
'I didn't want to hurt you. I'm happy we spent the day together,'
I debated whether or not I should try to comfort her, but no matter what I would send her couldn't be the completely truth. I couldn't tell her it wasn't a pity kiss I wanted to give her because I had no idea if it was. I couldn't tell her I wanted to try again with her since I was not even sure of my feelings. All I could do was tell her what I knew and was a hundred percent sure of.
I waited way too long for her answer, standing motionless in the middle of my kitchen, and finally gave up. I sighed, closing my eyes and sliding my phone on the isle next to me, and finally walked to my room, deciding that I needed a shower.
She hadn't texted me in a few days and although I was well aware that I had to wait for her to show signs of life, I was getting impatient. It's only on the morning of the third day without any news from her or my daughter that I got a text message from her.
'Niall I need you.'
I felt my heart jump in my chest, questioning the signification of her words but a few seconds later, I got an other text from her, clearing my doubts.
'I have to work today and I have no one to babysit Chelsea."
Her first text was not declaring her love for me in a short text message, she just needed someone to take care of our daughter while she was at work. I thought I would feel relieved but what invaded my whole body seemed more like disappointment. I shook my head slightly and finally, a smile appeared on my lips. Not only was I going to spend the whole day with my daughter but now I knew that my ex girlfriend trusted me enough to let me stay with Chelsea by myself.
'I'm on my way."
It only took me a few seconds to grab a coat and jump in my car and when she opened the door to let me in, she quickly left it open and continued getting ready.
"Thank you so much, Niall!" she expressed from an other room before coming back. "They called me last minute."
She had traded her sweatpants for a skirt and did all she could not to look into my eyes. I could understand that the last time we saw each other was awkward and emotional but I felt awful thinking things would be cold between us from now on.
"A photoshoot?" I asked, closing the door behind me and taking my shoes off.
"Oh, I wish, no." she admitted with a sigh, rolling her eyes as she ran around, trying to put her earrings on at the same time. "Being a photographer is not what I would call 'profitable', especially when you're a freelancer. I had to take a second job to pay the bills, you know how it is."
I kept quiet because I had no idea what it was. I did work my ass off all the time, doing something I adored, but not knowing if i'll have enough money to eat next week isn't something that ever happened to me.
I couldn't pretend it didn't break my heart to find out she was struggling so much and i was tempted to propose her a few solutions that I thought about. I decided against it, remembering we weren't on the best terms at the moment, but took a mental note to have a discussion with her later.
"I work in a hotel, at the restaurant during the day, and at the bar in the evening." she told me, raising her nose in a grimace. "I know, not really glamorous, but some clients pay very well."
I pressed my lips together, keeping my comments to myself, and let my eyes roam around.
"Where's Chelsea?"
"She's getting ready. She's very excited to spend the day with you. Be prepared, your day is going to be extremely long."
With a chuckle, she looked up and our eyes met, making her smile falter but mine grow. She breathed in and sighed as I took a step closer, keeping my eyes into hers.
"I'm sorry for the other day." i apologized in a very low tone. "I didn't want to hurt you. I never want to hurt you."
Without thinking, I brought my hand to her cheek and she held her breath as my fingertips brushed against her skin.  I could feel my heart throb all over my body until she took a step back and looked away, bending down to grab a toy and throw it in the hall.
"It's okay Niall." she let out, grabbing her purse and opening it to look for something in it, once again not looking at me. "We both made mistakes and now it's over, let's move on."
I didn't know if she wanted to move on from this uncomfortable situation between us, or if she wanted us to give up on the feelings we weren't sure we had, but I didn't like it. I didn't really have time to ask her to elaborate.
"Okay so I'm gonna leave you a key of the apartment, but I thought you'd want to babysit her at your place. Either way I don't mind. Don't turn off you phone, leave the sound on, and if you have any problem, just call Louis, he will know what to do."
I nodded as she kept talking, grabbing her coat and putting it on. I couldn't help but think it was too cold outside for the outfit she wore but I kept quiet.
"Chelsea! Baby! I'm leaving!" she yelled loud enough for our daughter to hear before lowering her tone. "No junk food, no chocolate or trust me she'll make you regret it. Fruits, yogurt, ice cream, it's all good. She hates fish, too, and don't let her boss you around."
I had no idea how I was supposed to remember all of this but I just nodded, trying to engrave her recommendations in my brain, although I was pretty sure I was going to forget half of them.
"I'll text you when I'm done so you can tell me where you are and I'll just pick Chelsea up, okay?" she didn't wait for my answer and handed me a key. "There, lock behind you will you?"
Without thinking, she moved closer and I held my breath but she quickly stopped herself and turned around just as Chelsea entered the room. The dynamic they had together and that intense connection was something that fascinated me, especially since it seemed like they didn't even see it. She bent down and Chelsea let herself fall in her arms. They hugged for a while, and I noticed she was whispering something in her ear. My daughter nodded a few times and pulled away as they smiled to each other before moving closer again and brushing their noses against each other's. it made me chuckle low and my ex girlfriend finally got up, caressing her face gently.
"I really need to go, good luck, Niall."
She pressed her hand gently on my shoulder and it took me by surprise, accelerating my heartbeats for a few seconds but when I heard the door close behind her, I turned to Chelsea and sent her a smile, raising my eyebrows.
"Happy to spend the day with me?"
"Are you gonna show me where you live?" she asked with a frown, ignoring my question.
"Mmhm, if you want to!"
She clapped her hands a few times, a large smile on her lips, and grabbed her pink backpack, throwing it over her shoulders
"I'm ready!"
"Woa, Chels, you may need a coat and something to put on your head too, don't you think?"
She giggled but nodded as I started searching for her stuff but when I looked back at her, she was already dressing up. She struggled a bit but I bent down to help her with the sleeves of her coat before grabbing the beanie and pulling it on her head, over her eyes. She laughed more but stayed that way until I moved the beanie up slightly, allowing her to see. I took the scarf and put it around her neck and finally, I tilted my head, asking her if she was ready. She nodded frenetically and I laughed, getting back up and grabbing the bag her mother prepared.
I locked and we walked to my car. I was nervous and excited but I didn't know if I was going to succeed this test, because that's exactly how it felt like : a test. One that I was making myself try to pass, at least.
I made sure her seat belt was tied correctly and couldn't help but glance back at her through the mirror as we drove in silence. When we walked in my house, I turned the lights on and her eyes roamed all over the living room. Her lips parted and after a few seconds, she turned to me and grinned.
"This is where you live?" I nodded and she turned again to look at my Christmas tree. "Why don't you use lights of all colors?"
She quickly turned to me and frowned as I chuckled.
"I don't know, do you prefer multicolored lights?" I asked, glancing at the soft white lights in my tree.
Without even thinking, she nodded firmly and I bent down again, unzipping her coat and helping her getting undressed.
"I'll remember that, then."
I put our coats away and we both sat on the couch. She put her backpack between her legs and quickly opened it, placing books, movies and a few toys between us.
"What do you want to do today, Chelsea?"
"You're gonna read me stories, and we will watch movies, and we will play with my favorite barbies, and we will eat, too."
"Are you hungry?"
She nodded and I told her to leave her stuff on the couch and to follow me to the kitchen. I ended up making grilled cheese for both of us and we ate quickly in silence until she just looked up at me to stare. I sent her a smile and raised my eyebrows, watching her take a sip of her glass of milk before putting it back on the table, now looking at me with a milk mustache. I tried to keep my laughter inside and just licked my lips.
"Is everything okay, Chelsea?"
Without answering my question, she tilted her head. I grabbed my water bottle and she waited until I was literally drinking from it to talk again.
"Are you my new daddy?"
I choked on my water, trying not to spill it everywhere, and coughed a few time.
"What?"
"I saw you and mommy kissing the other day after the fireworks."
She was probably half asleep and had imagined it but who could blame her? I remembered holding her mom's face so close to mine that our lips brushed. I remembered being so close to kiss her that my heartbeats were erratic. I remembered feeling her warm breath against my lips. These thoughts made me shiver and I cleared my throat, trying to find a good answer. We hadn't kissed, but my daughter couldn't understand the complexity of the relationship her mother and I were in.
"Would you want me to be your new daddy, Chelsea?"
The answer was important for me, but she just shrugged and looked down at her plate. I waited a few seconds and she finally looked up.
"I want my daddy to come back."
I felt my heart jump so high in my chest that I had to swallow, as if it went close to escape by my throat. I could read sadness in her eyes and I felt extremely bad. She was only four and was already suffering from not having a father in her life.
"Where do you think your dad is, Chels?"
She tilted her head and squinted, lost in her thoughts.
"I think he's busy being a princess."
This time, I was glad I wasn't drinking water because I would have definitely choked on it for good.
"A princess?"
"Yes." she nodded. "He can't be here with me because he has to take care of a whooooole kingdom."
"That makes sense, but why a princess? Why not a king or a prince?"
"Princesses have more fun, and they can wear nice dresses like the ones mommy buys for me." she explained, making my lips curl. "I'm sure my daddy prefers to be a princess."
Her mind was intriguing but also incredible, and that made me realize I had never really been close to a little girl. No one close to me had a daughter I really interacted with, and the fact that Chelsea was my daughter suddenly made me extremely proud.
"No matter where your father is, Chelsea, he loves you, he cares for you, and he's thinking about you. And I know he would give anything to be with you, if he could."
She nodded and sent me a warm smile that made me hold my breath. I desperately wanted to tell her it was me, that there was nothing I wanted more than to be her father, but I kept it inside and brought our plates to the counter.
"You remember that shirt you wear to bed?" I asked her as we walked back to the living room. "Would you like to hear some of their songs?"
Her eyes opened wide and she looked up at me, her chin raised up.
"Do you think my daddy likes that band?"
"No doubt."
I put my spotify on the television to make sure the music would invade the room and when I turned around, Chelsea was sitting on the couch. She looked extremely tiny on my gigantic couch and it made me chuckle. She leaned her head on it to look at the ceiling as I started the first song.
I started with "Can't get you outta my mind" and sat next to her, leaning my head exactly the way she was. She waited about a minute after the song was over and I turned my head to look at her.
"What did you think?"
She stared at me and frowned slightly.
"I want to hear an other one."
Her attitude made me laugh and I started "She's a sensation". I closed my eyes and when the song was over, I let the next one play on random and felt my heart twist when "I won't let it happen" started. For some reason, the lyrics really hit me and I tried to keep my feelings in, turning to Chelsea again.
"So?"
"I like them." she just expressed, nodding slowly.
"Yea, me too."
My phone beeped and I grabbed it, to check the notifications.
'I heard you were babysitting. Freddie and I are coming over!'
I grimaced at Louis' message but decided to ask Chelsea what she wanted. I was not against seeing Louis, but at the same time, it was going on so well and easily with my daughter that I was not sure I really needed him.
"Louis and Freddie want to come over, what do you say?"
"YESSSSS!!!"
I watched her throw her tiny arms in the air and it made me laugh as I answered Louis' message. I was ready to give her anything she wanted, and although I knew it could be dangerous, seeing Chelsea happy was pretty much my only motivation for... everything.
"Maybe we could order a pizza for dinner?" I proposed. "What do you prefer on yours?"
"Cheese and mushrooms!"
"Mushrooms?" I asked with a chuckle. "Really?"
She nodded quickly and I decided to put on a movie she had brought while I would order. She sat better on the couch to watch what I thought was 'Open Season" and I walked to my room, sitting on it as I ordered pizza with my phone. As soon as I hung up, my phone beeped again.
'Order pizza, Neil. We're hungry!'
His message made me laugh and I shook my head, only sending him the emoji of a thumb up. For the first time since I found out Chelsea was my daughter, I felt at peace. I knew I would have to tell her who I really was at some point, but I didn't want to focus on that. I wanted to focus on spending time with her, getting to know her, and allowing her to get to know me too. I wanted to be a part of her life and it seemed like we got off to a good start, and I didn't want it to end.
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larriefails · 5 years
Note
It’s also the small things. Stuff like how they constantly hate on Harry, Jeff, HSHQ, the snowman, Elf or everyone really when Harry only just hangs out with Ben and / or James. If he’s out papped with them it’s worse. They all hate it, want to ‘free harry’ or don’t understand how and why he can be with such horrible people. Completely dismissing the fact that ALL the boys are friends with them. Niall being on the show and TWEETING about Ben & James too? No negative words, just love & support 🙄
I’m not the biggest fan of Ben and James because some of the things they’ve said are meh, but they’re not like, an issue... They’re normal people that have said stupid shit. Like most of us have in our lives. But like I said the other day, there’s this need to paint Harry’s situation as dire to match it to their perception of Louis’ situation, so they attack it from every angle they can. Harry is godfather to Ben’s daughter, like at one point you’ve got to stop. Nobody is forcing anything on Harry
The sitcom, my god, what a nightmare. They shat on it from beginning to end because Ben made one stupid joke about Harry bringing “A listers” back when he lived in his attic. They went on and on how it was reinforcing Harry’s “womanizer image” and how misogynistic it was gonna be. RIP it was none of it. Harry’s character doesn’t hook up with anyone, he has one ex girlfriend and that’s it. In one of the first episodes he brings a friend back from a party, introduces her as his friend, says they’re going to sleep, there’s no implication that anything other than sleeping is going to happen. No wink from the other characters, no “oooooh” from the audience, no smirk from Harry’s character.
I mean, there wouldn’t be an issue if that had happened. Harry isn’t a virgin and he’s certainly had sex with women. Anyone that hasn’t gathered that by now has some serious denial issues. There’s nothing wrong with sex at all.. On top of that, the character wasn’t even supposed to be actual Harry, it was just that his situation was inspired by him. But even with all those disclaimers, nothing actually did happen. This sitcom that was supposed to be super misogynistic and reinforce the idea that Harry can’t keep it in his pants (which is certainly not an idea that’s out there right now, btw, it hasn’t been in about six years now), in the end it did none of that. Harry’s character doesn’t even kiss anyone!
He and Ben’s character o to an NBA game and Harry’s character advises Ben’s character to look away so the media doesn’t try to say they were looking at the cheerleaders’ asses... That’s how non-misogynistic non-womanizer this sitcom was. And Larries still had a problem with it. They called it “shitcom” because they’re really clever with nicknames. They refused to watch it and still scoffed at the idea that it was on air. They cheered and celebrated when they thought it was being canceled (it wasn’t, it hasn’t been canceled as of now).
They said it “erased Louis from Harry’s history”... And that was the crux of it. That was their problem with it (that and that Harry’s character wasn’t gonna be a gold star gay UwU). Harry’s character wasn’t in a band, so he couldn’t have moved in with his bandmate prior to moving with his accountant. It was also a shitty storyline because in reality, Harry moved into Ben’s attic because the lease of Princess Manor was up. All of the members of 1D had to buy houses. Harry and Louis weren’t that close anymore and they both had enough money to afford their own mansions, so they bought their own mansions. It wasn’t funny or witty and it didn’t really allow for the flow of a pilot.
The biggest issue the Larries had with it (the only issue, really), was that they still cling to the idea that Harry never really moved in with Ben. That he and Louis have secret houses together all over the world and that Harry living in Ben’s attic was a cover up for why he was never at his London house. And they go on Larry Lore discourse on how Harry’s London house is so public and the window faces the street and there’s a GASP bus stop a few feet away and how fans camp outside. Blah blah blah. The problem with that? How do they explain that Harry has been living in his London house since moving out of Ben’s attic. Every time he’s in London he’s at that house. We have leaked pictures of him with his friends and his family at that house. Fans have met him outside that house. He goes jogging or to the gym blocks away from that house. He recorded a good chunk of HS1 in that house (because it has its own recording studio). Larries truly lose no matter where you look. Reality doesn’t favor them in anything. So what do they do? They throw tantrums, like spoiled children. They hate Ben and James because they “push narratives” (aka, acknowledge Harry’s actual life) and “use him” (aka, exist near him)
I really went on a tangent here for a little while, but I found myself in the end, I think
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loyallogic · 5 years
Text
The Slightest Gap between Success & Failure
This article is written by Ramanuj Mukherjee, CEO, LawSikho.
So when I was a toddler in primary school, at some point in standard 3, I began to top in my class.
At that age, for some reason, I had a nemesis (at least in my toddler’s eyes at the time) in my class. He never left an opportunity to bully me, mock me or even hit me.
He tried to establish that he was better than me and I wanted to prove him wrong with all I could manage.
So when the results came out, I asked him how much he scored. It was some mediocre marks while I had topped in class, scored full marks in maths and was on top of the world at the time. I wanted to claim victory by rubbing it on my nemesis’ face.
We think children are innocent, but just see what is going on inside a 7 year old’s head and you will be shocked.
Anyway, he had a comeback for me. He said you think you are smart because you got some marks? My mother said I am very smart and I can score even more than you if I just concentrate on studies. It’s a different thing that I don’t want to do that.
How accurate. It was prophetic. I still remember him saying those things while getting red with indignation. Sometimes the people we do not like, teach us the most important lessons.
Most of us can get the things we want. We just don’t do what we have to do to get them. We all are doing these self sabotaging activities in some area of life or the other. Most probably in all areas!
The only other thing I remember about my classmate so vividly and clearly is the incident where he shat his pants in class 2 and was sent home and three benches had to be evacuated because of the disgusting smell. Being as petty as I am, I heartily laughed at him until he was escorted out of the classroom.
No matter how much I grow up, I never outgrow that competitive kid who wanted to outshine everyone else and took pleasure at my supposed enemy’s humiliation.
I can now think back rationally and realise that he was a kid raised by a single mother, who worked incredibly hard to give him an education, and he suffered from all the problems a boy faces from not having a father figure in early childhood. I should not have been so hard on him! I can comprehend what a little prick I used to be as a kid. Maybe we could be good friends if we were not so petty and unnecessarily competitive.
Btw, even now in our school WhatsApp group he doesn’t let go of any opportunity to mock me, usually about my political views. He got an engineering degree and went on to do well in his career I believe and I am glad that it all worked out nicely for him.
But forget that story. I wanted to tell you about this phenomenon in our lives, and it’s all pervasive.
We usually know what to do, and still we don’t manage to do it!
We can all have the achievements we want, only if we concentrate and focus on them!
And the shocking thing is that we don’t despite those achievements being so near our grasp.
We tell ourselves stories about how hard it is to get there, and what crazy sacrifices we have to make in order to be successful, which are usually totally wrong. Most of the times, these stories were passed down to us by people we trusted as children.
The primary school kid knew it, and most of us grown ups forget about it. We behave like we are forever trapped where we are in our lives, except that the reality is we are only trapped by our refusal to do what it takes to grow.
At primary school level, studying is very easy. There are these tiny, illustrated books. Anyone can study for a few hours and crack the exam. Even in lower high school classes, such as standard 6 or 7, I could study for 10-12 hours before the exam for most subjects and score near the top of class. I occasionally even topped. I wasn’t good with articulating or structuring my answers at that point, and if I did know that skill, I have no doubt that I would have topped without breaking a sweat every single time.
This is true for most of us. Even if you would have taken 20 or 30 or 40 hours compared to my 10-12, that does not change the situation much, because 40 or even 50 hours in 6 months is no big deal really. If you study the whole day before exams also, it’s barely 4-5 days of dedicated study per subject.
If that’s hard for you, try studying a little throughout the season. Studying with focus for a couple of hours a day for a month could make one score really well. Still, most people didn’t score as per their hopes. Most people struggle with academics.
Why?
We all heard it. We are still blind to it.
People who are not good at academics are told that they are not studious. They were told that they need more discipline. Practice, practice, practice, and do it all day – we heard. We were told we need to study day and night and only then we will have a bright future and a great career.
What a terrible and wrong thing to teach to kids. And at least I grew up with that misguided belief. I suffered my entire childhood and young adulthood under the burden of that unnecessary notion.
I think a lot of us were turned off by the idea that if we are not studying all the time then we were not doing enough. 
If I tell you that is untrue, many of you will find it super hard to believe!
We were put off from academics by the idea that good students must study a lot, all the time, round the year. Even though I was doing well in academics, I grew up with the feeling of inadequacy and insecurity that I was not doing enough.
I wish someone told me that I need not study day and night, all the time, to be successful.
I needed consistency over intensity. I didn’t have to be 100% intense 100% of the time. If I was 20% intense for 20% of the time it was more than enough.
I just needed a strategy. I needed a clear game plan. I just needed a couple of hours of focused work, and that too not every day. 
Things got better in college somewhere right in the middle of it, when I was able to get rid of this notion, and wanted to optimise the time I had for studying. 
I was doing a lot of side hustles to earn money and build up my blogs like CLAThacker, iPleaders and A First Taste of Law (now shut down). I managed a team of 20 law students for my freelance business on top of that. I also mooted, and did a lot of other extra curricular activities. I needed to save time so I could continue to earn without jeopardizing my academics.
I looked for ways to study less and score more. And that’s how I began to get even better academic results.
When you follow a well planned strategy rather than generic wisdom that if you study a lot you will get a lot of marks and that you need to be a bookworm 24×7 to be a topper, you are more likely to do well.
When you break down what you have to do strategically and find easier ways to accomplish those sets of small and defined tasks, you do way much better with way less work, because your efforts are concentrated, focused and systematic.
Like I say often, systematic work always trump will power and good intentions.
The other major lesson I want you to take away from this is that it’s important to avoid bad advice. There is a lot of it around you that holds you back. Such advice will come from your parents, teachers and peers. Very often, they don’t know what they are talking about and are just passing on what they have picked up from others.
Get your advice from the best sources. Real experts who are recognised as thought leaders doing breakthrough work rather than the next person who is not successful in his or her own life. It’s possible today to go to such sources thanks to incredible growth in information technology and the internet.
Get your advice from people who can afford to charge for their advice! If they are charging for it, or if it is a part of their job, that means their advice is market tested and validated, or else they won’t survive in the market in the first place!
Also, we have a lot to unlearn. A lot of what our teachers, professors, seniors and other people in positions of authority have told us about how to succeed needs to be questioned and scrutinized. 
Doing this well may provide the keys to many a treasure troves of success.
Primary school or High School is easy. How about something complex like success as a lawyer?
The goal is much bigger here. So is the reward. And therefore competition. No doubt that the challenge is far bigger and problems are harder to conquer.
But even then, it is not true that you have to work on it day and night, incessantly without getting early rewards, and give up hope of having any reasonable work-life balance if you want to succeed as a lawyer, and especially if you want to be an extraordinary lawyer.
There is a school of thought that one must work day and night, without stopping, with all one can muster at building a legal career, and only then, after struggling for years and years, one can hope for some success. You don’t succeed before turning your hair grey, this school believes.
It’s all over high school again. Same misinformation. Same myth in a different form.
Or think of the belief that one has to toil in a law firm 14-16 hours per day in order to save their job or be eligible for a small bonus. And that’s apart from giving up self-respect, autonomy and care for one’s own mental health.
Why do so many talented lawyers actually go through this?
Lawyers have to walk through this hell because there are no systematic ways to prepare them for the work they have to do. They try to learn the job while doing the job, and that’s obviously very scary and difficult. 
Imagine surgeons having to learn how to do surgeries while working on live patients without ever being given any previous practical training. That’s what young lawyers have to face every day and that’s what ruins their peace and make career progression hard.
My learnings from my academic and professional life told me that there must be a better and more systematic way to train lawyers to do their job, without all these blood and tears that they are made to undergo.
And from 10 years of toiling and pursuing that idea, and contribution from hundreds of accomplished lawyers towards this goal, you have what we offer today through LawSikho. Courses that accelerate the creation of extraordinary lawyers.
We can’t make you extraordinary in a year but we can firmly establish you on the path to extraordinariness, especially because most lawyers today do not have access to such sophisticated systems to rapidly learn practical aspects of law. You will be miles ahead of most.
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So in the battleground of the legal career, you can be assured that our LawSikho graduates have the enviable upper hand, and it is a result of systematically designed regular practice. Give us 8-10 hours a week, and nothing will be the same again in your career.
So here is the offer. We are telling you to replace the vague idea in your head that you need to do indefinite but massive amount of work to succeed as a lawyer and you probably are not very clear about how that is supposed to happen.
We are telling you that we have a tried and tested, step-by-step, precise and systematic program that you can just follow without any worry and you will get to a definite point of capability and success as a lawyer.
It’s just like a 6 week body transformation program I have been following. I am on the 2nd week, and unfortunately I have not been regular and have done what I was supposed to do in 2 weeks over 2 months, but there is definitely a massive difference in how I look in the mirror, in a way I love.
Half the battle is to know what exactly one has to do.
When that is broken down, made simple and put into step-by-step exercises, achieving the goal becomes far easier, even if we are quite bad at following them.
And that is what makes LawSikho magical. We have a lot of offer, see how much you can take away.
Here are the courses we have opened for enrollment currently:
Diploma
Diploma in Intellectual Property, Media and Entertainment Laws  
Diploma in Advanced Contract Drafting, Negotiation and Dispute Resolution 
Diploma in M&A, Institutional Finance and Investment Laws (PE and VC transactions) 
Diploma in Cyber Law, Fintech Regulations and Technology Contracts 
Diploma in Entrepreneurship Administration and Business Laws 
Diploma in Companies Act, Corporate Governance and SEBI Regulations 
Executive Certificate Courses
Certificate in Labour, Employment and Industrial Laws for HR Managers 
Certificate Course in Advanced Criminal Litigation & Trial Advocacy  
Certificate course in Companies Act 
Certificate course in Insolvency and Bankruptcy Code 
Certificate Course in Advanced Corporate Taxation 
Certificate Course in Advanced Civil Litigation: Practice, Procedure and Drafting 
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fuckmybiaslist · 7 years
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Hello, could you please please give a quick highlights of the 1st hour of the bbmas? I missed the first hour. :( Also how many times, ballpark, do you think BTS were onscreen? Also, Jin was srsly giving the softest kisses all of yesterday, goodness.
JIN’S SOFT KISSES SHOOK THE ENTIRE FUCKING WORLD YESTERDAY ANON, FOR REAL.
Ok, so it’s like what - like 14 hours since the BBMAs ended and I’m still FUCKING FLYING HIGH anon, IT WAS SO EXCITING TO SEE OUR BTS ON FUCKING E ONLINE AND FUCKING NETWORK GODDAMN TV HOLY BALLS, so forgive me if I seem a little all over the place cause I am STILL just a fucking mess over all of this.
Ok, just a few highlights from the BBMAs pre-show that I can remember through the fog of excitement
- Fire comes on for the first time and I shat my pants.  Fire comes on for the 2nd time and I shat my pants.  Fire comes on for the 3rd time and I shat my pants.  Fire comes on for the fourth time and I shat my pants.  FIRE COMES ON AT LIKE EVERY COMMERCIAL BREAK IT’S UNREAL.  
- Like 1 minute into the official magenta carpet / arrival deal I hear SCREAMING.  THE SCREAMING GETS LOUDER.  I instantly know BTS HAS ARRIVED.  
- The first time they showed them on TV it was everybody getting out of the limo and they all just - BOOM THE WHOLE ENTIRE WORLD CAUGHT FIRE.  
- It was NUTS anon, E! Online was doing a backstage thing and then there was also the official billboards backstage feed, and then Twitter was going NUTS, and also V APP, I didn’t have enough devices I needed like 14 more computers to keep up with everything.  
- When they came on E! and were interviewed, ON TV, that I was watching ON MY TV WITHOUT MY COMPUTER?? I couldn’t believe it.  They LOOKED SO GOOD THEY DID SO WELL.  I can remember just being like, holy shit this is surreal for me, wonder how they feel holy shit.  The thing I remember most was their faces when the E! people showed them all the fans lined up for them for HOURS, all of the boys looked so MOVED and HAPPY!!! 
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- During the E! Online interview Jin was so happy he did a little dance and it was one of the cutest things I’ve ever seen him do which is SAYING SOMETHING BUT HOLY BALLS he was excited (they all were) 
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- That first hour was really nonstop, SO MANY PEOPLE DID INTERVIEWS WITH THEM, every time I refreshed there was another interview or Photo, it was just crazy like - I’ve been SO !!!!!!! INTO BTS for FUCKING YEARS now and to have fucking american media keeping up with me (I’m american btw), giving me content I JUST!!!!!! Couldn’t believe it.  Was so surreal (tbh I didn’t know who half the people who interviewed BTS were, just knew it was BTS’ time to SHINE)
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- Speaking of time to shine Namjoon was amazing, he held it the FUCK down and really did such a good job....I’m a native english speaker and there’s no way I could have done even half as good of a job as Namjoon did.  The rest of the guys did great too, really seemed like everybody was involved, just, they ALL did so well.  
- and the FANS - ARMY kept going the WHOLE TIME - The feeds on E! News and on the BBMAs were pretty much SOLID BTS - like - those feeds were scrolling and you’d only see ARMY on there fucking shitting their pants OR people who didn’t know BTS (yet) shitting their pants over them it really did feel like - BTS stole the fucking show from the VERY BEGINNING. They even brought up how ARMY crashed twitter several times voting I mean...
- Just seeing them there, just SEEING THEM ON THAT MAGENTA CARPET, they looked - they were just glowing, they were SHINING STARS, and the whole country fell for them the FUCKING. SECOND. they got out of that car and I started getting super fucking emotional then and I’m still emotional now because BTS DID THAT AND WE HELPED THEM DO IT AND !!!!!!!!!!!! I’M SO !!!!!!!!!!! 
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redemptiionss · 7 years
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Tagged by @timidvirgo, thanks!! :) 
A-Age: 22
B-Birthplace: The USA. 
C-Current time: 1:10 pm.... 
D- Drink You Last Had: Apple juice
E- Easiest Person To Talk To: My sister 
F-Favourite Song: I’m Deaf, so I can’t really answer this question LOL. 
G-Grossest Memory: UMMMMM............ when I was little one of my friends came over and we were playing on the trampoline and it started to smell so bad so I ran back inside, locked him outside, and hid in my Hello Kitty tent. lol..... It turned out that he shat his pants, btw. ;__; 
H- Horror Yes or Horror No: No, except for Stranger Things ((same here))
J-Jealous of People: Yes.
K- was missing?
L- is also missing?
M-Middle Name: It starts with an E. 
N-Number of Siblings: 2
O-One Wish: I have a lot of wishes. One of them is that I would grow into a better, kinder, & wiser person. 
P-Person You Called Last: I can’t call anyone lolol
Q-Question You Are Always Asked: A few! They’re not asked very frequently though “You’re Mexican? You don’t look like it” “Is your family Mexican/Hispanic? It seems like you’ve got some Mexican in you”  It’s always one or the other-- many people assume I’m just white (curse my white skin LOL) while there are some who can actually recognize that I’m Hispanic/Latina. 
“Is your family Jewish??” (I have a German-Jewish last name.) “You’re.... Deaf? I thought you were hearing. Or Hard-of-Hearing.” (Funnily enough this ALWAYS comes from other deaf ppl....) 
R-Reason to Smile: Memes. 
S-Song You Sang Last: ???? idk
T- Time You Woke Up: 10:30 am..... I went to bed last night at 2am ;__;
U- Underwear Color: Why do people need to know this smh
V-Vacation Destination: Europe, especially Italy (I really want to go back!!), South Korea, Japan, & also some parts of Latin America. :)
W-Worst Habit: ....I have a mild version of Trich.... so yeah that’s my worst habit. I’d like to think that I’m improving tho :(
X-X-Rays: Teeth & my feet :( 
Y-Your Favorite Food: My top two favorites are Mexican & Italian.  I also like some Chinese & the only El Salvadorian food I’ve ever ate is the pupusa! It’s v delicious, I would like to try more El Salvadorian food. 
Z- Zodiac Sign: Taurus. 
Agh okay I’ll tag.... @singing-with-thankfulness , @brideshead , @fullmetal-woolchemist , @mysteriousparticipation , @catcatpitat , @unconvenchinal-charm, @a-ffection , & anyone else who wants to do this... :)
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Alright so sit ur ass down cuz this is a good one. So I'm eating lunch with some fancy ass adults at a sushi restaurant (which here is served warm and has cheese in it btw) and all a sudden my stomach starts to feel like Satan is pressing down on it. So I go to the baño and nothing. I'm like ok constipation? But the pain was much worse than that and while I'm eating my cheesey sushi the pain keeps getting more intense. So we pay and I'm like guys I gotta go home I feel terrible. So I take the key and I'm walking home all the while thinking this is the longest walk in my fucking life and I'm only halfway there. The pain is getting more intense and that's when I realize I'm about to have the shits bad. So I start speed walking to get to the baño faster and I'm squeezing my booty as hard. Feels like forever but I get to the house and shove the key in the door and it's just taking so long it's not unlocking and I kid u not I literally SHAT MY FUCKING PANTS but I finally open the door and run inside to the bathroom to finish up and analyze the mess. As I'm sitting there I remember I'm in Latin America and there's a bidet right next to me. So off the pants go and I kid u not if we had them in the states I would start using the, bc that cold stream of water was just blissful. I had no idea what I was doing but I've never felt so clean after a mistake so large and that's the story if the first time I used a bidet and shit my pants. Also I threw away my underwear bc I'm not about to pay 100 pesos to look someone in the eye and tell them to clean up my shit.
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