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wavesoutbeingtossed · 2 months

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The whole discourse about the privacy/secrecy/support thing has been sitting with me for a few days (I mean other than it always does to a certain degree) thanks to all the excellent discussion happening and I know I'm not saying anything that hasn't been said a million times before, but I think what we're seeing and what we're going to learn (e.g. from TTPD) is that it wasn't just the support issue, but how it was shown/handled.

We've all gone out of our way to show that introversion =/= lack of support. Someone can be shy, reserved, etc. and still show up for their partner, whether in public or at home. To chalk any of the differences up to the clash between introversion and extroversion is unfair to folks who count themselves among either tbh.

@thisisctrying said something the other day that hit the nail on the head about how if that support had been offered in private, there very well may not have been a Joever to begin with, or at least not at this point in time. (Sorry for loosely paraphrasing, and for namedropping you! Long time listener, first time poster.)

If this were a case where the "shy" partner said, "I am really uncomfortable with the spotlight personally and do not want to court it, but I will support you in your ambitions and offer you whatever you need to make them happen and make the glare bearable," I suspect that would have gone a long way to making Taylor feel seen and comfortable in pursuing her goals in the way that she now has. Again, that might have been more akin to the balance that seemed to have been struck around 2019 from what we can see, but even speaking in a general sense, there are lots of couples out there, celebrity or not, that have similar approaches where there are highly driven people and busy careers involved.

(A famous example being Dolly Parton's marriage. Tbh I know next to nothing about her and Carl, but she's always heralded as an example in this regard, because her husband is famously uncomfortable with the spotlight and hasn't accompanied her to public events in decades, but she's said that she never minded that because that was always work to her, and what was important was that he supported her in pursuing all her career goals and basically ensured she had a place to call home to return to at the end of the day.)

We're kind of in a brave new world with her current relationship because it felt like, at least at the start, we were maybe watching her figure out her boundaries in real time as to what she was comfortable with or not and adjust accordingly. Like so many have said, I fully believe the extreme privacy thing was initially driven by herself and her experiences in 2016, and she needed that quiet time to recover from all of the things and figure out how to exist in the world again.

Stating the obvious, it seemed like eventually privacy was equated with secrecy, turning the relationship and the celebrity into the elephant in the room and something to never be spoken of to the outside world. People are free to choose whatever works best for themselves and their relationships, and for some the separate public lives might work, but the “kept me like a secret but I kept you like an oath” theme is all over her work and it’s clear that it’s a sore spot for her, because she’s been made to feel shame just for the life she leads so many times in the past.

What I’m trying to say is that it’s pretty obvious something Not Great was happening behind the scenes, which didn’t just amount to “she wanted to be a public celebrity and he wanted to be a private hermit.” (Also, in case anyone forgot, this is a person who also chose a public-facing career who also has to engage in press for it, but I digress.) As her career reached new heights post-folklore, if she had the support at home to do all the things without judgment and with encouragement, and in turn offer the same support to her partner, she may have very well lived just fine with that, not unlike Dolly Parton’s case.

By reading between the lines in all the press since, as well as comments on tour and general ~vibes~ with TTPD teasers, it seems like one of the issues was that that was likely not the case. There was all the stuff that we saw — the reticence to acknowledge each other in the media (particularly on one side), the lack of public support even at events at which they were both in attendance for their respective jobs, the great lengths they went to not to be photographed together at events they attended yet no problem taking pictures with other friends and coworkers, the jobs that separated them, the withdrawing from the public even for work accomplishments, etc. Which could all be manageable if a couple chooses to do so together and are not inherently a sign of trouble in themselves.

But what we’re seeing now I think is a reflection of the things we weren’t seeing then, and it seems to indicate some very deep hurt. (I know, call me Captain Obvious.) And like so many have been saying, it feels likely that that part of that hurt is rooted in that very lack of private support where a person would expect it from their partner. Obviously as a Taylor fan blog I’m going to be more inclined to understand her side of a story, but tbh, it’s also because… this is sooooooo common, and something I’ve experienced in my friend group. (@taylortruther is right when she says most breakups are the same one way or another lol.)

One partner is resentful of the other’s success, or resentful that the other’s priorities begin to evolve as new experiences unlock new goals, or feels the other’s ambitions are not worthy of pursuit, and coupled with perhaps their own struggles in the same domain, it’s easy to see where that can chip away at the other partner’s morale and faith in the relationship. I know I’m just speculating here, but I also don’t think it’s totally unfounded. (Again, because a) I’m picking up what she’s putting down and b) it happens to sooooooo many women even among us dull normals.)

With all the pointed mentions about how much Taylor feels supported in her current relationship and how she in turn loves to offer the same show of support to not only her partner but other loved ones, how she’s stepped out more in the last year to a whole host of events, how she’s mentioned feeling like she locked herself away for years and she’s just proud of her partner and happy she can show up for him even if the chaos around it is unsettling, it paints a picture of what perhaps was happening before last year.

To feel like you’re all alone in carrying the weight of the relationship (or burden of it), of twisting yourself into knots to accommodate the other person’s boundaries (or insecurities) but not feeling reciprocity for your own has to be so painful. (The idea that it may have been even darker and to have a partner not only be unreceptive to your own needs but even perhaps resentful/dismissive/belittling of them is even more painful to think of. I guess we’ll find out when TTPD comes out if that was the case, too.)

At a certain point, that lack of acknowledgement will force your hand to be able to reclaim yourself. And it feels like the further removed Taylor in particular is from it, the more she moves from being sad about the life she felt she gave up by leaving, to angry at the life she felt she was giving up by staying. Especially being in a relationship now where it seems like everything comes much easier, where she can be open about the person she’s with and show up for them, all the stuff that seemed as challenging as climbing Mount Everest in her past is nothing more than a molehill at best in her current life.

TL;DR: I don’t think it’s privacy that inherently spells doom for a celebrity relationship like this; it’s the mutual support and respect that does. If Taylor had felt that in the later years of her previous relationship, I think we could be seeing a different, though not necessarily unfulfilled, person right now in 2024, who’d be happy on tour but whose personal life would look a little different. But it seems like by losing that support she lost parts of herself, and we’ve seen her reclaim that in spades in the last year, and perhaps to degrees she didn’t even realize she could from before all the Bad Stuff started happening in her young adulthood.

I know this was extremely long-winded and unnecessary, especially about total strangers we only know through scraps fed through the media, but I just always bristle at this idea that issues like these boil down to “personality differences,” as though one person wants to live in a city and the other on a remote island, or some shit like that. The whole support (and gender tbh) issue is one that’s just very close to my heart because again, I have seen it play out with so many of my friends in long term relationships and marriages and I just think people in relationships (and women in particular in some circles) deserve better than to feel like they’re being, well, tolerated.

#thisisctrying and taylortruther sorry for tagging you two!#can remove if needed!#but you guys made me think a lot #this was inspired by a conversation i had with a friend the other day #where she relayed an argument she had with her partner #who basically felt slighted that he wasn’t getting acknowledgement for all the housework he does — which is. just. the dishes #and she was like ‘wow congrats you’ve done the dishes — i do every other fucking thing to keep this household afloat in ways you see #and don’t see and i never ask for praise because it’s just stuff that needs to get done because that’s how you support your family’#and it just reminded me that some partners (and a certain kind of man in particular) just… think their struggles take precedence #when their partners drown in them everyday but keep things afloat out of necessity and are never recognized or supported for it #(my friends have shitty husbands/boyfriends can you tell lol)#long post #again the way i just feel like i know the vibes of ttpd in my bones are 😵‍💫#i feel like i have a lot more thoughts but I’m trying to be more gracious and less parasocial so #also just want to again defend the introverts of the world by reiterating that being introverted does not mean unsupportive #being a shitty partner does though!#writing letters addressed to the fire #it’s also just like… i feel like if Taylor had had even a modicum of the support in private and even public she needed #she’d probably still be with you know who and wouldn’t have considered leaving let alone doing it #because it would have felt like enough and like it was what was needed for both of them #whereas we’re seeing a completely new side of her open up now because this is the first time she’s ever had that support from a partner #in her adult life at least #and it’s like it’s opening up things she didn’t know she needed or wanted

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moeblob · 28 days

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Deacon loves two things: Ymber and digging himself a grave.

Fulj hates one thing: Deacon.

#my characters #waiting on some info on the next commission so i indulged in ocs today bc i doubt i will have as much time for lil comics for a bit #deacon is so devoted hes like yeah i would kill for a deity that could easily kill anything himself but yknow teehee #and fulj just did you tell him you needed therapy also does he even know youd murder in his name #deacon caught red handed haha no of course i havent told him it should be obvious enough haha.... and its in his defense not his name :c #man really does have some issues but i love him so much and hes so devoted but like. unhealthily after a while #he does in fact need a chill pill and therapy but to be fair #ymber has needed therapy for centuries and yet he just bottles it all up and suffers so #its pretty unhealthy until they yell at each other one (1) time bc they are so insecure about things and get mad over very valid reasons #but then theyre like you know what that was necessary and i still want to stay by your side if you let me #and then fulj is like dude hey sorry you seem really happy did you fu- and ymber is like no please stop there we have not #fulj just squinting cause have not is very different than will not but whatever she doesnt wanna think about that with deacon involved ew #and eventually fulj is like hey ymber im sorry to say but i really do hate deacon and i dont even know why but he makes me uncomfortable #while deacon is just. in the room. hearing this and thinking how he knows she thinks hes weird but wow that wording hurts #and ymber doesnt wanna fill in memories better forgotten by fulj which she had forcefully removed #so he just says oh well his hair and clothing are black and you had someone in the past that you might see in him and its not a pleasant en #so you know maybe its that idk #and fulj is then WHATST i was rude to him for someone i cant even remember? lame im gonna try SO HARD to be nice to him now #and deacon just still sitting there with some food like this is v awkward and i wish i could not be here for it #and later he asks ymber about who he resembled and as ymber is descibing her it clicks in deacons head and he gets really sad #that he might somehow remind fulj of the woman she loved before she was punished for loving a mortal #and he feels kinda bad pestering her so much with his curiosities about deities and he kinda gets it #the fact hes close to ymber might remind her at the core that she was once that close with a mortal if not closer #anyway story time in the tags again #im so obsessed with these peeps and i have made them suffer so much but they do all end on a happy note #its still funny and nice to me that while fulj is creeped out by deacon and doesnt like talking to him #he still expresses the most emotions to her - he tries hard to remain serious around ymber and collected and obedient at all times #and when out and about with ymber he has to be intimidating and refuses smiling but fulj?? all sunshine and smiles and emotions easy to rea #and she is just that is so weird go away i hate you

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deus-ex-mona · 2 months

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there is only one l in lxl

#idk i just think yujiro’s standee looks oddly passive aggressive here lmfaooooooo #but. man. that sure was a lot of lxl. i think i don’t wanna see lxl for the next few days #though. that reminds me. the album is dropping in less than a month… wow. time fliessss #i hope lxl make out in the honeymoon anime while nagisa gives them the side eye in the bg. that’s all i want #chizuutan chizpost #shibaclown saturday #染BODY ONCE TOLD ME—#im so tireddddddd. i think im just gonna. sleep and rewatch all 4 p3 movies or sth. or maybe i should play p3p again… hmmmmmmm

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transformers-bold-bright-brisk · 9 months

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!ART DUMP!

Been sprucing up m concept art for my continuity and even a bit of shading/lighting techniques✨

#tf fan continuity #transformers bold bright brisk #rescue bot recruits #maccadam #transformers #maccadams #my art #WOW okay drawing is fun again woo hoo!#anyway you’ll see that I’ve been doing some character drawing study stuff just so that ic oils get a feel for the characters #I’ve reinvented how hoist’s mouth works #I practiced a neat shading style on hot shot with a tiny redesign element(the collar)#I wanted to see how a recruits optics would translate with the twinkle shape #aka my fave emoji #theeeeeen I delved into prince concept art with a palace thumbnail #also I made a scorch and medix bonding scenario because I hc them as sibling coded #and lastly drawing medix’s chassis side profile is a NIGHT-MARE

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front-facing-pokemon · 9 months

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#anorith #the eyes on this model were fucked up because it's got the same transparency thing going on as flygon #and i still don't really know how to fix that so. you're just dealing with a Very close-up shot where you can't see their eyes. i've got it #easy on this one considering how far off to the side their eyes are. don't have to deal with trying and failing to fix them cuz #i can just make you unable to see them. epic win?#anorithhhh rock/bug-type i think. evolves into armaldo everyone's belovèd. it's pretty cute aaaannnnddd #it is definitely a pokémon. wow!#i think it learns some water-type moves and since armaldo is blue i obviously thought they were water-types as a kid #cuz their dex entries say shit like. they can swim!!! wow!!!! which means. water-type moves. or maybe Only one and that's just all i rememb #ered them using. or something. probably just surf #dunno i'm too lazy to check though

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killjoy-prince · 3 months

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I FINALLY GOT IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE THEM!!!!!!!

#prince's talk tag #OK SO!! I preordered this on amiami along with the rin and len version #bur for the last few months theyve been on back order so the release date kept getting pushed back #and i was cool with waiting it wasnt a big deal #but yesterday i was at kino with my friend and talking to them when my eyes saw the side that had the luka pic #and my brain was like 'why does that look familiar'#AND THEN I REMEMBER AND GASPED OUT LOUD #my friend thought i saw someone i had seen in ages and was about to catch up with them but NOPE!!!!#they only had this one and the meiko and miku ones. the rin and len ones werent there #and i just started telling my friend that ive been waiting MONTHS for this and couldnt believe i was seeing it with my own eyes #kino did price them kinda high but i decided to get it bc idk how long theyre gonna be backordered on it #at least now i have one of them. i can wait on the rin and len one #ngl they're bigger than i thought. i was expecting like tiny figures but theyre a bit bigger than a nendo #yo im so convinced that they packaged luka and kaito together bc meiko and kaito are the popular duo and luka and miku are a popular duo #so by separating them they can get people to buy both #(no separating the kagamines tho)#BUT AS A KAILUKA SHIPPER THIS IS PERFECT FOR ME #i almost didnt want to take them out of the box but i wanna display them #i cant believe there exists a box that has them both like wow i really love it #im looking at them on my dresser rn and they make me sooooo happy #man i love them!! great buy on my part #i was gonna put this with my haul post imma make rn but i wanted one with just them bc. look at them!!!

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girlwiththegreenhat · 7 months

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IMPORTANT NEWS

I SAW A CROW TODAY

THEY'RE BIG

#liz blogs #birds #we were driving and it flew from the top of the trees to the field on the other side #and i thought it was a fucking hawk or something #big.#you see videos of them on the internet and you're like 'wow thats bigger than i thought' but then you see one In Real Life and you're like #WOAH. THAT'S SO MUCH BIGGER THAN I THOUGHT #i'm stuck at home all the time and they don't come this way #i didn't even know we had crows i just see One (1) on occasion at a distance

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a-wins-a-win · 3 months

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unpopular opinion?? maybe?

Matt & Ivy have a really interesting dynamic!! both pre- and post-canon!! with or without romantic undertones!! either reciprocal or one-sided!!

and obviously it has to be handled with a particular level of care/respect BUT I think if we allowed them enough grace there is space to explore a really interesting possibility for that relationship.

#obviously Matt is not ENTITLED to Ivy - im absolutely not saying that at all #and he definitely did a lot of things extremely wrong and Ivy doesn’t HAVE to forgive him - she doesn't even have to *like* him #and in many stagings she actually doesn’t at all! even pre-canon she isn't into him on a *platonic* level - which i love for her #but I also think that - misguided & clumsy about it though he was - Matt is genuinely trying his best to see her as a person.#an idealized version of a person yes. but a person nonetheless.#which is what Ivy wants from Jason (and tbf he sees her as a person also but it’s an obviously different situation)#and while you can't force romantic compatibility (that was like. the whole point.) in some versions of the show they're not-quite-dating #- in varying types of “situationship” with varying levels of commitment. so it's not insane to me to say hey #maybe they need time to stabilize themselves and figure out who they are again after the events of the show. but maybe a couple years -#- down the line they reconnect and they're both in a better place & maybe this time it can all work out.#idk I think I just see a lot of people write it off entirely - and they’re well within their rights to do so don’t get me wrong #but I don’t think it’s fair necessarily to put them in the ‘doomed to fail’ category #wow okay I care about them as a pair more than I realised #tldr; give Matt & Ivy and their relationship dynamic the grace + complexity they deserve #mouse talks bapo #bare a pop opera #Ivy Robinson #Matt Lloyd #[as a side note - sometimes I think about queer Matt & transmasc Ivy & the interesting concept of their potential boyfriendism]

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literallyaflame · 2 years

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kills me when i see two people arguing and one person is like “i am so sick of people lauding things like ‘fanfiction’ and ‘YA’ over real art. cheap entertainment is no replacement for true intellectual stimulation” and the other person is like “well maybe real art isn’t as intellectual as you think it is. people just assume that the classics are good because everyone says so. but in fact, a lot of so called ‘cheap’ literature is more intellectual because—”

intellect doesn’t exist within the pages of a book. intellect exists inside your brain. reading Shakespeare doesn’t magically increase your intellectual ability any more than reading Pokémon fanfiction magically dissolves it. a 13 year old applying critical thinking skills to a Young Adult novel is using more of their intellect than an adult reading Sartre under the passive assumption that it will make them smarter

it’s one thing to attack the thoughtfulness of a specific author—but that’s not the case here, is it? this is an argument over the reader’s intellect. “smart people read this; stupid people read that. if you don’t like what i like, it’s because you just don’t Get It.” give me a break. that’s not an objective analysis, it’s an ego-boost

#what extra kills me if that i often see where the argument is coming from #it’s frustrating to see people dismiss the entire notion of a ‘classic’#it’s amazing to read a passage from hundreds of years ago and think ‘wow. this could’ve been written yesterday’#because so many of our feelings and concerns are ancient ones #on the other hand i love cheesy fanfiction and easy-to-read young adults novels #i love stories that have a low barrier for entry #i love seeing books that were clearly written to make a 14 year old feel a little better about life #i know people who have written MILLIONS of words of fanfiction—for the joy of it #it kills me when people dismiss things that aren’t for them #and it kills me even more when they start doing it at each other #each side both attacking and defending something that can be wonderful #*young adult i’m not re-writing the tags just to fix that u can’t make me #me when i make a post

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boxwinebaddie · 5 months

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Does parental trauma run in the CD family

hoooooooooooooooooooo you know it baby! ;)

ok before i begin the cd boys are just #traumabonded from being in CD together...its not as fun or cool as it looks i swear...ill just say that. those four boys...my sons...everything and more for them...angels <3

but in the Parental Traumalypics

ravenstan wins for...Obvious Reasons.

somebody call 9-1-1 shawty fire burnin on the dancefloor ooOhwoOahooh

like when i tell you that man endured Horrors and he is my baby my baby my BABY!!! i would fight dirty 4 all the ncu styles and their loved ones...but ravenstan...i would to jail for life its what he DESERVES!!! when we finally get a raven pov flashback???? HAPPY MENTAL ILLNESS DAY EVERYONE! not a dry eye in this house! WHEW!

kyle is probably second but he is not cd but thats okay because KENNY????? IN RM?????? WHOOOOOO!!! ALSO HELL!!!!!!! THEY HAVE ALSO LIVED THRU SOME SHIT!!! AND NEVER DIE!!! SO THEY JUST KEEP LIVING THROUGH IT!!!! but no kennys relationship with their parents and like specifically darling karen is dramatic and traumatic there is a lot going on there but we gotta get to it

so i will be honest i did not flesh out the other cd boys...home lives as much as i wanted to because i was so focused on stan and kyle and getting those right...so coming soon! xx

jimmy from what i am meagerly piecing together had an OK upbringing and parents that "looked after him" but i think found his disability shameful and secretly kind of felt burdened by having a child who needed so much medical care? like emotionally and financially?

i think they probably saw him more as a way to get sympathy, sort of treated him like an object/joke sometimes...and the saddest people are often the funniest so i think he sort of ran with "well if everyones laughing with you, theyre not laughing at you" :( jimmy my beloved im so...but i would say there's trauma there. FS!!!!

can't say too much abt the cd guitarist ( i also am still working on him shhhh ) but he had at least one positive guardian/parental figure. also felt like he had a lot to prove, so a lot of...pressure. but i love him sm

as for the blondies gayng....KYLE???? JERSEY KYLE???????? for the fucking gaslighting that was done to him THE LITERAL LIGHTING UP OF HIS BEST FRIEND SUPPOSEDLY??? KYLE NEEDS FINANCIAL COMPENSATION UPWARDS ONE MILLION DOLLARS FOR THE PSYCHOLOGICAL TORTURE HE ENDURED JFC!!!!

also like sheila i love you sheils but she is so crazy like she is neurotic she loves kyle and kyle loves her but she definitely made kyle anxious about everything like even before stan died sheila set him up to fail...and UH GERALD ACTUALLY SET KYLE UP TO FAIL BECAUSE HE GAVE HIM UNREASONABLE STANDARDS AND NEGLECTED AND LOOKED DOWN ON HIM FOR NOT MEETING THEM AAAA gerald was openly cruel to kyle....gerald please FUCKING die! thx!

randy x gerald x burning in hell forever <3

uhhhh bebe...bebes parents love her and think shes perfect but they....do not know shes camming or that she likes women...so thats gonna be...very interesting for her...she is also still in the works 4 me

as we know stephen and linda stotch DIE FOREVER marj literally does not have parents right now because they actually disowned her like now shes rich bc of cd ( they saved her life ) but before that all of the blondies house was working 74937493 as many shifts to cover marjs rent because they love her and her parents cut her off ily marj

dont...ask me abt creek....im sorry...u know im still gathering data

but? uh clearly tweeks home life was BAD clearly he is recovering from being secretly fed METH??????? HELLO BITCH????

and i actually think that growing up craig was on serious outs with his parents ( was it the autism?? ) but now hes actually very close with them. also, awawawww, they basically adopted tweek and call him son and everything <333 im crying tricia also loves tweek...so actually craigs trauma is mild i think...wow...amazing...nature is healing

....but he is on Stripe number....709327493274 tho...like he just replaces them and theyre always stripe...im crying...are u okay baby

but to answer your question...yes...yes it does.

ITS ALWAYS DARKEST BEFORE CRIMSON DAWN, LITERALLY BECAUSE THEIR EXISTENCES WERE BLEAK! <3 SLAY OLAY

-uncle nina, ceo of traumatizing sp characters

#sorry if this is unreadable i did my best #i am still working on a lot of the backstories #BUT ITS BC RM HAS SO MANY SIDE CHARACTERS #AND ITS HARD TO FOCUS ON THEM BC RAVENSTAN AND JERSEY KYLE NEED MY FULL ATTENTION #but dawg...raven...every part of his life...he can joke abt kwording himself all he wants he fucking earned it he did his dues #like he deserves peace and if he wants to have a raeger bomb wear his silly outfits and call kyle spanish pet names to relax he can do that #he has my permission for the horrors hes seen #kyle also can do whatever he wants bc he is in a prison of the mind and thinks hes clinically insane when hes actually the sanest person #like he is SOOOO CASSANDRA CODED like no one will listen to him everyone thinks hes a basketcase but hes RIGHt #ok kennys backstory is really interesting i cant really talk abt it but i can say its fucking sad and i cry buckets of blood for them #ok jimmys also made me sad i luv him i never thought abt it wow #NOT THOMAS AND LAURA ADOPTING TWEEK NOT CRAIG ADOPTING A NEW STRIPE EVERYTIME ONE DIES #THAT MADE ME LAUGH IM SORRY HE WONT TELL U ONE DIED EITHER U JUST SEE ONE LOOK SLIGHTLY DIFFERENT KSHLSD

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