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mceproductions · 4 months

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Best of 2023 Music #6: *NSYNC “Better Place”

Unexpected trilogies can bring unexpected results and surprises.

One of the biggest nobody saw coming when it came to Trolls 3, involved a bit of history being integrated into both the plot and reality.

Branch was unexpectedly revealed to have been part of a band with his four older brothers named BroZone. Of course creative differences in trying to make a family harmony would result in the classic break up trope we’ve seen many times before.

But at the wedding of Gristle and Bridgette band leader John Dory would come back into Branch’s life sending him Poppy and Tiny Diamond on a trip to save the other brothers from a pair of singers wanting to have their own musical experience.

The final scene would reveal one more secret as Branch was part of another group setting the stage for a reunion of the members of *NSYNC for the first time in 20 years.

And with this jam about ironically creating the perfect harmony we saw that Justin, Lance, Chris, JC, and Joey still have what we’ve seen before from them.

Time really does improve things.

SUM 22: The third Trolls film would unexpectedly bring back the members of NSYNC for a reunion and jam that served both the movie and reality quite well.

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pbnmj · 9 months

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never before seen middle part comic noir… I’m obsessed u draw him so nicely 😭😭 so blessed

NOT THE LAST MIDDLE PART COMIC NOIR I INTEND TO DRAW!!!! age discourse/noir timeline discussions i see on the dash have started to make me think about the overlapping year (1933....) and how that could be tied to the 'canon event'. and specifically the potential of comic!noir having a crazy angsty bittersweet time about itsv noir having longer with robbie because he happens to be born earlier in his universe. but also comic!pete having to grapple with knowing what happened to robbie in his universe and how he can't stand by and watch a version of himself lose robbie when he could change things. which is why i have this draft of a page :)

AND GOD DUDE THE WAY U DRAW COMICS NOIR (baby... baby boy) ABSOLUTELY HAS PLAYED A PART IN HOW I DRAW HIM !!! he is so devastatingly young in your depiction of him and i felt like the way i drew the comic version of him had to change and adjust towards that!!!! i love the comic art but that is not a 16-17 year old kid and i swear if the comic reflected how young he was i would have had the world's worst category 10 woman moment

#so what if im playing fast and loose with the idea of spiderverse canon.' miguel wouldnt let' BLAH BLAH MY CITY NYEOW!!!!!#all the stuff in my psd folders are just noir comics that are wips. i must find time to line color and post them #the other itsv noir-robbie comic technically takes place almost concurrently with this one...#where 90214B is going through the same motions as comic 90214 . canon events will be disrupted. i promise.#anyway yes. noirverse enjoyers grab your screentone brushes!!!!!!!!!#my art #noir #sooner or later i will unleash a bunch of noir comics into the tumblr stratosphere. only the rsi holds me back #and i do not think this has to be said but ofc ur art kills me. every day. i love ur noir comics so dearly #and you are ofc the noirobbie pioneer who got me to read 08-09 again because i was enjoying ur content so much!!!!#and for the better. i have become so much worse about noir!pete #i have to save him. he's so fucking young (<- cannot save peter parker because he is lines on a comic page) (<- also a tragedy enjoyer)

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luck-of-the-drawings · 4 months

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EPISODE 2 AND 3 HAVE BEEN SOOOO FUN im already so emotionally attached to each of these characters.. if anything bad ever happens to any of them im killing everyone and then everyone.

#cw blood #cw vomiting #jrwi fanart #jrwi show #jrwi suckening #ARTHUR BENNETS DRY HUMOR IS SOOO FUCKIN FUNNY OH MY GOOODDD the sleepin upside down bit omg..#i love drawing him with just the same stoic expression. he is a stone cold pillar of ice to me. one that loves his little kitty kittyyyyy #i loved watching him work with emizel aswell the dynamic is SOO FUN #I LOVE THAT EMIZEL IS SO FOND OF CATS TOO LIKE RAAAHH THATS SO SWEET.. pepper is his favorite cat....#the part with him defending pepper was SO CUTE UGHH i love emizel he is so small and sharp and pointy AND YET #there is LOVE IN THAT BOYS MOSTLY DEAD HEART I TEEELLL YOU HWAT!!! and in other news:#i love love love the concept of 'royal shut-in gets lost in the big city' MY BABY BOY SHILOOO I ADORE HIMMMM #AND DEACON WAS SOOOO NICE TO HIM givin him a place to stay n helpin him dress up for the party and taking him around town to see the sights #im in love with deacon i love him soooo much. AND ALSO. ABOUT SHILO.#HE CAN EAT FOOOOOD LIKE SURE THE GARLIC GOT HIM BUT WE GGOOOTTA GIVE HIM A MILKSHAKE OR SMTH #LIKE I THOUGHT IN THE FIRST EPISODE WHEN HE SIPPED SODY N NOTHING HAPPENED. I THOUGHT THAT WAS JUSTA FLUKE #BUT NO ITS A PATTERN ITSA PATTERN HE CAN EAT FOOD!!! BABY BOY CAN EAT FOOOD!!!!!!! FEED HIM MORE FOOD!!! food is the best human creation #I HOPE MORE GOOD THINGS HAPPEN TO THESE BOYS. especially since. well. okay so ive seen the 4th episode. sigh.#like holy fuck. hey ep4? what the fuck? hey you just let that happen? what the fuck. what the FUCK. EPISODE 4. HEY WHAT THE FUCK #THAT DIDNT NEED TO HAPPEN. OH MY GOD. THIS BETTER END WELL. IN TWO WEEKS I KNOW YALLRE GONNA BE SCREAMIN TOO BC OHHH MY GLOD. WHAT THE FUCK #EPSIDOE FOUR STILL HAS ME FUCKED UP SO BAD OH MY GOD. I WILL NEVER BE OVER IT. HOLY SHIT. WHAT THE FUCK. WHAT THE FUCK. WHYYYYYY. NOOOOOOO!

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gilsart · 8 months

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some weeks ago i started writing as a daily exercise again and now i'm here, it's 3:45pm, fields of gold playing on loop, writing the first ever hetalia fanfiction in years. 16 year old me would be so proud

#rambles #hetalia #yes it's gerita. of course it's gerita.#better known as “let me unapologetically make these two idiots kiss in the places i grew up in”#would never wish that upon my worst enemy honestly #but hey some introspection here and there #some felice/feliciano (he is felice here. i like felice more don't come at me) hating himself here and there #some ludwig being soft #just a sprinkle of ''i'll take care of you'' ''it's rotten work''#i'm so sorry #gerita

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dootznbootz · 2 months

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I think some folks MAY have gotten the wrong idea about how I feel about Circe with some of my posts. So, to clear the air...

Homies, I love that fucked up sorceress.

I love how we're never given a reason why she turns people into animals. That's so funny and so awful. And another potion-making magic gal?!?! I love that she's just basically vibing on an island doing whatever she wants. I even love the fact that she scares Odysseus shitless! She's morally gray and that's why she's FUN.

I just sincerely hate when people try to girlboss her or have her be a victim of SA when she never was Looking at you, Miller. Especially when she was actually the one who coerced Odysseus in exchange for his men being transformed back into humans. And even then, while he was clearly afraid of her, (it's in the language of the Odyssey) she likely meant him no harm after a certain point. He just didn't know that.

Why does she need a reason to do awful things? Why can't she just be a goddess who does whatever she wants? That's the reason why I love her!!! She's fucked up!!! :D

I hate what the Telegony did to her as well! >:( You're telling me, this sorceress goddess, who makes potions (!!!) wouldn't have magic contraceptives??? Would WANT CHILDREN?!?! WITH THE PATHETIC WIFEMAN?! No. Fuck no. Eugammon of Cyrene, I have beef with you 🤬

Anyways!!! Understand all the "#anti circe" I have is simply Anti "Girlboss Circe" or the book. I genuinely think she's neat af as her morally gray, fucked up sorceress self and just get frustrated with...everything :'D

#I have these same feelings with Medea and Medusa and so many others. Penelope too. Let them do something fucked up just to be fucked up #I'm a “god forbid women do anything” in the sense of 'she did a fucked up thing. That's why she's fascinating. Don't take her awfulness #away from her!!! please! I wanna study her under a microscope!'😭#PLEASE #...I actually kind of don't like the idea of her actually caring about her nymphs :P maybe she “protects them” but like...#I see her as a “Why are all of you dancing? Oh. it's a birthday? hm okay. Just make sure your duties are done.” while not caring #whose birthday it is. She's not really shown to be close to them during the Odyssey and idk just seems in character for her to not give af #save me morally gray circe #<-making that a tag now because...yeah. She absolutely wouldn't save me though.#Mad rambles #shot by odysseus #anti madeline miller #anti circe #<-THE BOOK! I HATE THE BOOK! LET HER BE AWFUL YOU COWARDS #Why do women need to be SA'ed to be strong Miller?! >:(#...Ima say it. The pathetic wifeman is more relatable to me than Hot Snake Monster Lady when it comes to this stuff.😤#I just sincerely hate the fact that people erase what happened to him you know? It's silly but it means a lot to me.#Also I think she got bored of him immediately and simply let him chill at her place.#She's a goddess. She's got better things to do and she absolutely doesn't love him and he absolutely doesn't want her.#I don't have with Eugammon btw. He's dead and I'm exaggerating but I STILL hate the Telegony >:(#tw sa #kind of??? idk #barely mentioned but yeah #Calypso though?? Yeah. I hate her in practically everything except Pirates of the Caribbean because that's not Odyssey Calypso

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kitkatcadillac · 1 year

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if you piss all over a public toilet seat, and i mean just piss all the fuck over it, and then leave that for someone else to deal with because it "gives people a job to do" or it "isnt your problem" im cursing you, hexing you, dooming you a thousand lifetimes over

#like yeah okay i get the germaphobe thing and i mean dont let me as a stranger Guilt You if you really cannot force yourself to deal w/that #but for people who do this and just refuse to take responsibility and be like A Little Considerate about a space thats not theirs #im CURSING YOU cursing you cursing you. dear god #like people who throw trash on the floor in public places when theres a trash can like 7 feet away because 'gives the janitor a job'#like no. youre a slob and you have bad etiquette. outright. its so rude and nasty.#we have jobs that arent picking up the consequences of your shit attitude. i promise lmfao #skelly speaks #negative //#im on my first day of my period tho and its mega painful djdj so this is where my frustration is going LMAO #please be tidy and considerate thank you #besides like... not throwing trash on the ground makes a better space for everyone. just saying #like Everyone benefits from making better choices about making sure your trash goes into a garbage bin. thanks.

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craycraybluejay · 5 months

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i have this insanely good fic idea but its way past my bedtime.. tomorrow we write

#wincest #oh you guys are going to be in for a treat if this is your thing #any hypersexuals out here? its going to focus a lot on that and how that manifests realistically #and how sometimes you are mean to yourself indirectly because the need is stronger than anything else #lile u straight up be disrespecting yourself even tho u know u can do better #not at all a personal thing nope #anyway #hypersexual!dean and loving!sam #like big bro please stop letting you do this to yourself i will take care of you this is sad as fuck #but in a sweeter way #i dont usually like fluff but like #writing a hypersexual character getting treated with kindness and respect and love is like crack #it is so important to me #hypersexuality is a lot like other addictive/compulsive behavioral patterns #u end up in a bad place w the good intention of keeping yourself happy or content #and i think addicts deserve endless love and compassion and patience and accomodation #just #yeag

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angellurgy · 12 days

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:]

#AAAAAAAAAAAAA FUCKFUCKFUCK #CONDTANT UNENDING SILENT SCREAMING #NO WORDS BUT FORCED TO UNDERSTAND STILL UNESCAPABLE I CANT I CANT I CANT #ill never be anything ill never be anything ill never be anything at all to any of you #too fucking tired to go out of the house for so long no way to stop being tired its all wearing down on me like a fucking curse. too much #CANT CANT CANT take 10 more days of this waiting itll just go back to normal after #TRIED TO LIVE BUT WHAT IS THE POINT WHAT IS THERE EVEN FOR ME NO LOVE NO CARE NO IMPORTANCE NO PLACE #FADING MEMORY REMNANTS OF MY SOUL DRIPPING OUT OF MY HEAD LIKE A GUTTER. NO ONE WILL REMEMBER. EVEN I CANT.#AAAAAAAAAAA rotrotrotrotrotrotrotrotrot wish i just had a fucking dad to hold me wish i had a brother to show me the loving care noone will #please. llease. please. nothing left nothing left everyone wants me less with every single post but icant stop #cooped up inside. tumblrs knly good when you have a life outside of it. i cant fight it tho bc of this fucking EXHAUSTION #caused by the emotional pain and exclusion. eternal loop. let me.out #NOT LIKE IT MATTERS TO ANYONE BUT THE FEW WHO CANT HELP. THE FEW WHO CANT MAKE MY SITUATION BETTER. I JUST WANT A GROUP.#I KNOW COMMUNITY ISNT REAL BUT I FUCKING WANT SOMETHING. PLEASE #LET ME OUT. GIVE ME LIFE. INSTEAD OF THIS CONSTANT FUCKING VOID GROWING BLACK MOLD ON THE CREVICES OF MY SKULL #aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa nothing is giving me life right now i want sometbing i cant create anything i dont wanna die but i have no choice #FIGHT THROUGH THE TIREDNESS WALK INTO THE FOREST IN THE NIGHT AND ROT.#SLIT MY WRISTS EVEN THOUGH IT WONT DO SHIT. LAY ON A BLANKET AND LET THE COLD TAKE ME #WOULDNT BE THE FIRST TIME IVE BEEN CLOSE TO IT. LEAST I CAN GO ALL THE WAY. GOD WHY DO I TRY. I WANT TO TRY. I HAVE NOTHING TO TRY FOR.#NO OTHER CHOICE.

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raekiez · 4 months

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Snake and Otacon in my post mgs4 hcs/au :)

#this takes place some years after the events of mgs4 #ik snake had a short prognosis but living into your 50s-60s is possible with werners syndrome. let me have this #snake uses a lot of mobility aids #primarily a forearm crutch; cane; and wheelchair #they are ALL camo printed bc he is annoying #he also has glasses for cataracts/general poor eyesight #snake; otacon; and sunny all live together happily #otacon and sunny take amazing care of snake; they love him dearly 🥺#snake is stubborn and tends to overdo it which causes flare ups #years of being seen more as an object for others than a human will do that to you #but hes getting better at it; sunny and otacon have taught him how to be kinder to himself #otacon kisses his hands and massages them when they're cold #snake fears otacon is disgusted by his body and pities him; but thats just snake being insecure #otacon loves him more than ever. he thinks he's gorgeous (he always hae a thing for older men-)#otacon helps snake brush his hair and teeth and dress himself when the pain is bad #sunny makes breakfast often :)#they all eat together when snake wakes up; which is usually in the late morning/early afternoon #if snakes pain is too bad theyll eat breakfast in bed together #mgs #mgs4 #hall emmerich #sunny emmerich #solid snake #old snake #disabled character #disability hcs #mobility aids

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pointsfortrying · 3 months

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Opening discord for some reason inexplicably fills me with dread but ilyall

#rye rambles #brain continues to be in a weird place but @ th besties i miss you i hope you're doing well and taking care #holds wheelford and the like 2-3 ppl i talk to in dm's once in a blue moon when adhd brain lets me #i wish i was better at staying in touch and just. talking to ppl in general #but i care for yall take care oki heart heart #actually specifies further everyone i havent talked to in a while i wish i was better at talking and staying in touch fr #wishing the best always forever

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voskhozhdeniye · 3 months

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The entire western liberal worldview is currently balanced on the ability to psychologically compartmentalize away from the mass atrocities in Gaza and what western governments are doing to perpetuate them.

Everything that mainstream liberals claim to oppose is on full display in Israel’s actions in Gaza. Racism. Fascism. Tyranny. Injustice. Genocide. Yet they must necessarily avoid throwing themselves into opposing these things there at all cost, because it would mean acknowledging that their own political allegiances are inseparably interwoven with them.

It would mean turning against Biden during an election year. It would mean admitting that their entire political posture against Trump all these years has been a phony performance, because they’re tacitly endorsing all the things they claimed to hate about him. It would mean admitting their entire worldview is a lie, and that all their critics to their left have been correct.

The western liberal is therefore in the year 2024 engaged in an exhausting regimen of nonstop mental gymnastics to avoid having an authentic relationship with the reality of what’s happening Gaza. They squirm this way and that, twisting their gaze toward empty nonsense like Barbie movie Oscar snubs and Trump’s latest instance of verbal diarrhea to avoid looking at what’s happening. On those odd occasions when they are forced to confront the reality of Gaza they start spouting gibberish about how “complicated” and “heartbreaking” it is and how they hope there can be peace as soon as possible, while frenetically avoiding saying precisely how that “peace” should be brought about.

Gaza exposes the mainstream western liberal ideology for the kayfabe performance it always has been. The job of the so-called liberal “moderate” has never been to oppose racism, fascism, tyranny, injustice or genocide, their job is to perpetually give the thumbs-up to one head of the two-headed monster that is the murderous western empire. Their job is to help put a positive spin on a globe-spanning power structure that is fueled by human blood. To help elect Bidens and Starmers and Trudeaus and Albaneses who will ensure that the gears of the empire keep on turning completely unhindered while paying lip service to human rights and social justice.

The one faint glimmer of brightness in this profoundly dark chapter in human history is that it might start opening some eyes to the fraudulence of the mainstream fake-left political faction that has been marketed to the western public as an alternative to far right depravity. That westerners might start awakening to the reality that everything they’ve been trained to believe about politics, their government and their world is a lie. Such an awakening would be the first step toward a mass-scale movement into health.

#I hope y'all understand I don't take any of these motherfuckers serious anymore.#Caitlin has a more positive outlook than I.#In DM's yesterday I likened what's happening to an abusive relationship.#Biden's entire platform right now is simply vote for me or the bad guy will win.#While he's committing the same acts #and the vote blue no matter who folks argue why one abusive spouse is better than the other.#They're like minorities if Trump wins he'll commit violence against you.#Standing Rock and Ferguson happened during Obama dipshits.#The crime bill was Clinton.#They will beat us no matter who is in charge.#The mental gymnastics Caitlin talks about is them clutching to Biden because they're afraid of Trump.#Because as I said the other day this is the first time many of them have felt what we feel.#They will cling to Biden because he hasn't torn their communities the way he has ours.#He's just let Covid rip their communities apart like everything else to them that's beyond his control.#The nature of fascism is that it devours everything.#Y'all place nice with Biden now if you want.#When it's your turn to be repressed I hope I'm alive to see it.

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theflyingfeeling · 5 months

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...💇‍♀️

#so i went to the hairdresser's in september to get a trim after over a year of having NOTHING done to my hair #it was in suuuuuuuuch a poor condition but i loved how long it had gotten so i suffered through the summer #i just wasn't ready to say goodbye to my mermaid hair 🥺#(i should've got it done in the spring but didn't because. well. life i guess lol i wasn't feeling very well maybe)#and so when i finally went to get it done i asked the hairdresser to cut only what was necessary #fair enough i went home only to notice absolutely NOTHING had happened 🙃#i thought i could live with it until maybe later in the winter but i was getting so frustrated with how lifeless and tangled my hair was 😭#so i booked a new appointment at a different hairdresser (a new one has just opened near me)#and aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh my hair looks and feels SO much more healthier now!! 😭 nearly teared up at the hairdresser's feeling my new hair 😂#but at the same time i'm a bit 🥲 because it's quite a bit shorter now 🥲🥲🥲🥲🥲#it's not short per se but aaaahhhh I'm having a minor identity crisis lol (no i'm not i'm just being dramatic 💅)#but it's definitely better this way. i love my hair and i'm never ever letting it get in such a terrible condition ever again 🤧#also i'm not going back to that other place again because it wasn't the first time the same person had done barely anything to my hair 🤨#i mean. i guess they just did what i had asked but...#with all the other hairdressers there's never been any problem when i told them to ''only take what's needed''#i guess she was just too cautious to take TOO much of the length of my hair but gurl what's the point if you only take like 1 cm 😐#with ''what's needed'' i obviously mean ''enough so i won't have to come back here next month'' :\#anyway! i'm happy and keep sniffing my hair (and giving myself a headache in the process) because the products they used smell so nice 💖#pointless ramblings hi yess i'm bored by theflyingfeeling

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chialattea · 1 month

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people will be so understanding of mental illnesses/ ND until they spend more time with a person who can’t get rid of the symptoms and suddenly it’s all “I think you could fix it if you just put some alarms” “have you tried doing a todo list” “have you tried simply not thinking those intrusive thoughts” gee thanks man you know who else finds living with this shit annoying? ME.

#chia’s life #genuinely fuck off #shout out to the teacher who when told I was ND said “maybe you should drop out and let someone better take your place #legit was like some people simply don’t belong in academia #woah thanks!!!#so sorry I have ADHD woman should I just kill myself #like is that it #I wasn’t even asking for anything #just some accommodations for a completely unrelated topic #and this woman was like oh I gotta make sure she knows shes worthless #I started crying on this woman’s office and she even enjoyed it #kept berating me for not living up to the standard #and being unfair to my classmates who /did/ work hard #and that I should feel ashamed of myself #lmao #remembered this because she sent me an email going #hey it’s been a while I’m still your tutor come talk to me #and I’ll help you decide your future #ma’am you told me I was too stupid to have a future #fuck off

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hylianane · 3 months

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(gets ignored by my group of friends that i’ve known my whole life when i try to ask as carefully as possible if they want to maybe go out to eat with me on my birthday): :,(

(remembers I now have new people in my life who are always enthusiastic about going out with me, and try out new games and anime just because i told them i like them, and say insane shit to me like “I really wanna do this thing but Only if you’re there as well when I do it because having you there with me is what makes it special”): :D

#it only took all of highschool for me to not be someone’s second choice #graduated from b tier friend to a friendgroup in which tiers dont exist because we all like each other tf #and maybe constantly worrying about being the next person voted out of the friendship or the weakest link is like uhh not normal actually #and whk knows maybe some day the other shoe will drop and this post will feel like a kick to the face #but today im just happy that rejection doesnt quite sting the same because i now have people who make me feel like the first choice #i think im starting to love this group of people god i’m a little scared about it. but they might be learning to love me too?#i mentioned casually how theres this one junk food place i always wanted to try as a kid but my dad never let me and-#one of my friends INSTANTLY went “Oh I’ll take you there! Promise! It’ll be so fun!” like what the fuck was that!!!#I need to be a better friend to them stat like everything they do I Have to pay them back theyre fantastic people #Six people bought TICKETS. to the FNAF MOVIE. they organized their collective schedules.#To watch a movie about a game franchise theyd never played #Because two of us!! LOVE the games. And our excited was contagious to them enough for that. What the hell

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startingfires · 7 months

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exploding my flatmate with my mind

#she cannot for five seconds put herself in other people's shoes #she cannot help but meddle and be so fucking annoying #just get out!!!!!!!!!#stop!!!!!!!#how she simultaneously acts like i'm a helpless child and yet has no regard for anyone but herself is fucking beyond me #i really don't need this #i really don't #she's fucking hoovering and singing and being loud and knows full well that i was asleep not to mention that i'm the one that does the #hoovering #seriously what the fuck #and it's not like the place was dirty and she's been asking me to do the hoovering for days #fuck no #it's literally fine and i was going to do it later today anyway #and she fucking came into my room yesterday to wake me up bc “it was already 11:30” like???????? ok????? what's it to you??????#let me sleep???????#literally what the fuck #it's not my fault you have no hobbies that don't involve being annoying to other people and don't know what to do with free time #don't take it out on me if you're bored and have nothing better to do bc you suck #i'm so done #i'm so so done #ramblings of a rafaela

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suncaptor · 8 days

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there's something specifically inside my head that is closing up that makes trusting anything so hard. i have to manually keep my mind open to the potential of anything being significant. i am so used to things being bad and things hurting and things not working and being powerless that it takes an exorbitant amount of mental energy to make sure I don't let myself shut down possibility. and I do it because I never want a certainty inside of me besides love to rule anything. but I want my brain elastic again. i want it open like breathing. it doesn't erase the unfairness or the critique or any of the bitter-built philosophy.

#it's so hard to describe what I mean. i think it's the combo of the like. specific part of my brain's development + the amount of trauma #I have endured + the degree of which that has been taking place on a backdrop of the world being incredibly injust no matter what I do #this is very very silly but the extent of how much this impacts me was made clear by how like. closed off I was to even liking an album by #my favourite singer. like obviously I am obsessively keeping myself open I would never let my preconceived sense of doom and stubbornness #control my willingness to let things in #but it shouldn't be so hard to keep my mind open to things like... liking my favourite musician of most of my life's music...........#and that's a VERY silly example but that's why it's easier to talk about. it takes so much work to be open enough for things like therapy #or religion because they've damaged me so much #how am i supposed to handle this on a backdrop of constant constant helplessness in the face of living insecurity and illness and trauma?#the problem is if you try so so so hard again and again and remain hopeful regardless of how illogical that hope is #but you get let down so constantly since you're never stop trying ever even when systems fail you again and again #and you're watching horrible things happen and everything that shapes you is horror #then regardless of how much you try it's so hard to let yourself let go of the very realistic lived experience of doubt and critique #and I DO. do NOT get me wrong. I am obsessive and refuse to be my own problem #but the act of doing so shouldn't be like this. it's in everything i do. from simple things like listening to new music to even the mere #possibility of a future #i am very worried this one is going to be misinterpreted bc I AM NOT saying I'm stubborn in the face of systems that have repeatedly failed #me. I AM NOT. I am saying to not be shouldn't take this work when it envelops the rest of my life.#if anyone reads this far please please acknowledge the degree of which I almost pathologically try again and again when I can guarantee #nearly everyone wouldn't and still fight to keep myself open to hope because that's just something in me that is like that. but BEING like #that is. repeatedly putting yourself in situations where you are powerless already and helpless to get better and then are hurt more and #there's no way to escape it's just the repeated nature of it and then trying to not be the issue.#it's the problem in itself.#my ambition SHOULD be smarter.#god I'll go into this when I fully understand it another time. i don't think i have this phrased in a way to make all the dots of what i #mean correlate in the significant ways to anyone but me #but hey i guess i'm expecting anyone to read this in a light to misperceive me in the first place instead of accept maybe I'm not explainin #well or giving me the benefit of the doubt. see.#delete

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