#just know that I am screaming internally and also it's 2:38 AM and like the worst time to think about important things. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

jorisjurgen · 17 days

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Mao Maud: 1, 2, 4, 6, 7, 9, 11, 12, 15, 16, 17, 19, 23, 24, 26, 28, 37, 38, 42, 46 im so fucking sorry im so so so so

I'm also going to take my other (non-krosmoz, they're all from a different fandom) ocs for these asks because unlike Mao Maud I had actually thought about them in-depth before this point because I'm a blabbermouth.

Also if you don't stop apologizing I will attack you violently with a deadly weapon (in my imagination due to the fact I am not in america and in real life it would be bad.)

What motivates your character?

Mao Maud: the desire to escape her old life, despair.

Ko'Kalavari: thirst for knowledge, and later, desire to help people.

Mathias: his friends and fear, and later, desire to help people.

Estaera: the desire to survive, thirst for treasure, despair.

2. How does the public view them? (Doesn't have to be anything major, it could be classmates, friends, strangers in the park, etc.)

Mao Maud: The public doesn't notice her.

Ko'Kalavari: People are very racist to her.

Mathias: Outsider. He doesn't belong.

Estaera: Gaudy peacock of a person.

4. Does your character care about their reputation and/or how others perceive them?

Mao Maud: She will die if people don't like her, but she'd like people not to think about her at ALL.

Ko'Kalavari: She'd rather study temporal cross-timeline shadow magic and lichification of the undead... Wait, what do you mean people fear that?

Mathias: He NEEDS to be perceived as good, and sadly, it means that everyone sees him as a sucker-up on the political ladder. Though them not taking him seriously doesn't end well for the nobles — sucker-up or not, he is ambitious.

Estaera: Cares about reputation, good and bad, equally. Their dream is to be a celebrity everyone knows has committed atrocities and can't prove anything against <3

6. What, if anything, sticks out about their appearance?

Mao Maud: She just looks like any old ecaflip, eh. She likes red a lot, so that probably sticks out.

Ko'Kalavari: She has fully black fur. It's pretty rare.

Mathias: Orange eyes. Very tall. Light teal skin.

Estaera: Redhead. Green eyes.

7. Is your character good with kids?

Mao Maud: No. She is afraid of them.

Ko'Kalavari: Yes. She LOVES kids. But she shouldn't be let near them due to the necromancy and vampirism. She wouldn't hurt them, I just think she's a bad influence + most people fear magic.

Mathias: He's wonderful with them. Like Kalavari. But unlike her, he also doesn't have unsavoury and dangerous interests, which is even better.

Estaera: They think they are, but they aren't. They wouldn't scream at a child, but they would get exasperated and leave, or unironically make fun of/argue with a kid.

9. What emotion does your character feel most frequently?

Mao Maud: Shame, deep-deep shame, for her entire self. "Sorry for my me" kinda character.

Ko'Kalavari: She is in awe of the beauty of the world. Also fear. She gets herself into a lot of trouble with forces even she can hardly comprehend.

Mathias: He tries not to feel emotions. But when he does it's probably shame, or tiredness. Life is a burden on him.

Estaera: Despair internally, and a small shade of whimsy from how little they care about life anymore. Life is a joke, and they are a clown.

11. What events in their past helped shape and influence them into who they are today?

Mao Maud: Having other kids throw fireballs at her, and her dad's death. She can barely remember him. She wishes she could.

Ko'Kalavari: Her kind and loving parents who instilled her with a love for travel and passed away peacefully of old age. Also being forced to eat human flesh once, while already travell—-

Mathias: Being beaten by his mom, and eventually beating her to death when he was 20, and running from the law ever since.

Estaera: Being beaten by their mom, developing alcoholism, and running away from home, falling into a life of crime.

12. What are some of your character's pet peeves?

Mao Maud: Joris, Kerubim, and Atcham keep vital information about the house and their relationship from her because they Forgor or "Didn't Think It Was Important" or "Didn't Think It Would Come Up"

Ko'Kalavari: People don't trust her just because she is a cannibal necromancer vampire witch who studies interdimensional time-travel magic that is reported to make its users "disappear from existence".

Mathias: People asking about his past.

Estaera: They have some specific ass alcohol and cheese opinions.

15. What habits does your character have?

Mao Maud: Fiddling with her clothes and hair because she's constantly nervous.

Ko'Kalavari: She dog-ears her ancient manuscripts. Remarkably casual about the most insane things.

Mathias: Smoking and hurting himself. He's scared of accidentally becoming addicted to something that muddles his mind (he's Seen The Horrors), but he has long accepted that life is simply unbearable if he doesn't do that.

Estaera: They're The Horrors that made sure Mathias DOESN'T have substance abuse issues besides smoking.

16. What is your character's relationship with their family?

Mao Maud: She feels like a disappointment to her mother. Her mom grew up on Rok Island, after Ogrest's Chaos, completely cut off from the outside world — while she grew up somewhere in Amakna, constantly travelling between Rok Island and her home, because her mom wanted her to be a huppermage. She wishes she was born a huppermage immediately, instead of being born an Ecaflip, and she isn't good at huppermagic at all.

Her mom has accepted it — she isn't a bad woman! She just loves her culture and wanted to raise Maud within it. There's no huppermage supremacy sentiment there. She loved her cat husband a lot too, and tried to get Maud into ecaflip stuff too (very cornily, and sadly, she is BAD at it, she doesn't get ecaflip beliefs at alllll.). But childhood bullying and projection (and the protectiveness her mom has due to the bullying) have Maud convinced that this is a deep-seated flaw within her.

Ko'Kalavari: Wishes her parents could have lived forever. I think seeing them age made her afraid of mortality. I think she was really close to them, and hasn't had success in establishing other close relationships since then. So she had to leave, and search for something more. It's one of the reasons she never wants to die too.

Mathias: Killed his mom who liked him more than Estaera and so, beat him less. Hates her, but wishes he had not done that. Misses Estaera a lot. Wears the earrings he gifted to them that they left at home, together with all of their other belongings, while running away.

Estaera: Ran away from home. Feels like they failed their mom, and if they worked harder she might have liked them more than their adopted "brother." Misses said adopted brother. Wishes they could meet again. Is weirdly not mad about Mathias killing their mom.

17. Overall, is there anything special or peculiar about your character compared to others in your story?

Mao Maud: Not really. She is an average girl. I think she's gifted in Ecaflip magic — on the clairvoyance side of things, when she really puts in the effort, but there's thousands of people just as gifted at that as her. Like literally one of her three employers.

Ko'Kalavari: She's the chosen one and it might be poisoning her brain with ideations of domination and power (literally on a cosmic level). Sadly.

Mathias: He's the chosen one, or fakes his way into being one, which is the same thing. Sadly.

Estaera: They're the chosen one, and also a partial soul-shard of a dark evil god of chaos. Sadly.

19. Summarize your character's goals in one sentence.

Mao Maud: Become normal.

Ko'Kalavari: Stop end of the world + become powerful.

Mathias: Stop the end of the world + end slavery via becoming a warlord on Vvanderfell.

Estaera: Don't let the only people who gave them a chance die.

23. If your character is at a loud, people-filled party, how would they act?

Mao Maud: She starts to cry. Nobody knows why. Not even her.

Ko'Kalavari: She's in her prettiest dress and she is so ready to be beautiful and pretty. Ends up leaving early due to boredom but liked the beginning.

Mathias: Soaking in the vibes. Listening on to conversations.

Estaera: Actively taking experimental party drugs.

24. From childhood to their current age, how has your character changed?

Mao Maud: Got more and more embarassed. I think it would help her, to know, that there are people out there far more embarassing, and yet happy. Like, at least three of them, all men, all in their 600s.

Ko'Kalavari: Got more and more scared of death. But... while she is ready to do anything for knowledge, and to save her own life, there is a sort of maturity obtained when she realizes, just how sick it makes her feel to take the lives of others for her selfish goals. She has to find a balance between the horrible things she is ready to do, and the horrible things she cannot do.

Mathias: Felt more and more responsibility. For Estaera's fate. For his mother's death. For his own life. For the lives of his lovers. For the House, for The Guild, for The Country, for The Continent, for The World. In the end it was too much, and he gave up. He will not be responsible anymore, after he fakes his death and leaves everyone.

Estaera: Got worse and harsher, if we're talking about childhood->canon events. Became a different being, if we're talking about post-canon->ko'kalavari's era.

26. What are the top three most distinguishable personality traits of your character?

Mao Maud: Clown the Jester. Weirdly endearing. Scared.

Ko'Kalavari: Fun-loving. Amoral. Scholarly.

Mathias: Ashamed. Secretive. Dead inside.

Estaera: Bojack Kinnie. Party animal. Desperate.

28. What emotion is the most unfamiliar to your character and how do they deal with it?

Mao Maud: Confidence. She doesn't even notice it, when she gets confident — and she keeps being confident as long as she doesn't acknowledge it.

Ko'Kalavari: Empathy. She doesn't really understand other people, at least not until after maturing. But truly connecting with, and understanding other people, is one of the wonders of the world to her. It's special.

Mathias: Pride. It's so rare for him to feel pride, and he feels a bit shameful, when he does. But... he tries to savor it.

Estaera: Happiness. They can't deal with it. It makes them choke up.

37. What does your character want to change about themselves?

Mao Maud: She wants to be a normal well-socialized member of society who has skills that aren't related to "doing huppermagic badly" and fumbling through her words.

Ko'Kalavari: She wants more power and knowledge. Always more. To protect herself and be respected and never die.

Mathias: He would like to be able to change things, but he doesn't really have hope. So, he'd like to have more hope in life. He really wants to have hope.

Estaera: Nothing. Everything. Yes. No. Honestly — they know they're awful, but they're under the impression that they cannot change. In some ways, they're right — they have no home, they're a criminal, they're addicted to multiple different substances. They have no way out of the life they fell into. But taking out their frustration on others has always been their choice.

38. Someone your character dislikes goes up to them and confesses. How does your character react? (Doesn't have to be a rejection.)

Mao Maud: She accepts and then ghosts them, moving to a different city.

Ko'Kalavari: Blushes and fumbles through a refusal.

Mathias: Politely declines. Very graceful and kind throughout the interaction.

Estaera: Humiliates them publically, says they'd rather fuck a cactus, and tells them "kys".

42. What is one thing that your character dislikes about themselves? ("Nothing" is also a valid answer.)

Mao Maud: Actually weirdly not a lot. She hates how talentless and spineless she is, but these aren't innate qualities of her character. She's hoping that working at a real job will fix her.

Ko'Kalavari: Her own actions. She is afraid of half the things she does. Why can't she stop digging through ancient dark magic tomes and summoning demons? The world may never know. But really — she hates how powerless she is. Like an insect. She wants to be powerful, deadly.

Mathias: He's a coward. It shows in many ways — he doesn't like being honest with people, and he doesn't take action when injustices happen. When he attains power — he is forced to play the long game, painfully aware that, technically speaking, he has the power to help so many people.

Estaera: Everything. They disgust themselves completely.

46. Does your character specialize or have remarkable talent in anything? If so, what is it?

Mao Maud: You see..., one of her main talents is inspiring 3 men in particular to pity her.

Ok I'm joking — I think she has some talent for fortune-telling and predicting the future, more than Kerubim (he's so lucky that he can predict what will happen, and Ecaflip has canonically given him future visions). She's not the first nor the last Ecaflip to have prophetic visions, but it's not a normal thing. I think being a maid for the fam, and connecting with her Ecaflip heritage for the first time that way, lets her actually work on this gift.

Ko'Kalavari: She is a walking, talking, cat-shaped, magical nuke. Also, she is good at healing and surviving. Very interested in how human bodies work and how to fix them up (both so they DON'T die and AFTER they die...). She is very young for someone who has a ko' scholar honorific.

Mathias: Politics. Also, while for Ko'Kalavari magic is a natural gift, learning it came hard for him — so he knows a lot about theories, maths, geometry, and biology of it. It made him a gifted enchanter first and foremost — when he can't rely on his strength, he can rely on the way he enchanted his items.

Estaera: They have a magic disability, so they can't use it too much — but it does mean they don't get hurt as easily. They like to use their small pool of power to do illusion magic and employ psychological warfare and human engineering in combat. They are very manipulative, even outside combat. Also, very skilled at ruining lives. Even their own.

#estaera oc #mathias oc #ko'kalavari oc #mao maud oc

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ennui-gt · 3 years

Text

Here it is. A Piece Of Borrower Content Written Entirely In Stream Of Consciousness:

AN: so this is incomplete and very…needs revisions to the timeline to incorporate some things I added later! It’s the original universe that Mira’s from! I edited it like Slightly to just change Ross’s name to Ross (if u see Max anywhere that’s his old one I just felt like changing it so that’s just him but different. Anyway) Everything's under the readmore tab, cheers!

The Library Fairy:

Basic Plot (Chrono, comic starts from human perspective abt the ‘legend of the library fairy’ ig maybe. Nothing here is permanent cept the characterization)

Part A

1- Mira is borrower currently chillin in a college library

2- She lives off of the cafe on the second floor nd reads lots and lots of stuff about everything when the upper floors close (lower floor open 24/7 but upper floors r vacant p much after 12:00 AM)

3- she starts getting increasingly curious about human stuff cos she’s literate nd books r pry neat

4- it starts one night when she spots an unattended notebook and a half eaten blueberry muffin, nd it’s 12:30 so nobody’s coming back in atm (it’s the 80s so no laptops for the plebians quite yet)

5- so she goes ‘welp’ nd takes part of the muffin, then sees the work on the page and goes ‘hmmmm this is incorrect’ so she helps our and leaves notes here n there to point the kid in the right direction and puts down some book refs for further study bcos at this point she’s been there for 2 years and she knows where most things are

6- she stays behind to see if the human comes back for it, hidden in a hidey hole near the desk

7- human comes in, sees notebook, practically melts w relief nd stuffs it in his bag

8- next day human comes back nd leaves nother notebook and a cookie, along w a hidden camera

9- Mira goes ‘o boy, this a trap, innit’

10- Mira then decides ‘eh whatever I haven’t had contact w anyone in years now so I might as well’

11- she steals the camera film nd leaves a lil scrap of paper saying ‘nice try ;)’ on it

12- student comes back, sees paper, goes ‘dammit’, then leaves note addressed to the ‘library fairy’ and another cookie, as well as more of their work for her to help with

13- bout a decade goes by and now the “Library Fairy” is an urban myth, it’s currently 2003 so she’s also wound up on the school’s unofficial Wikipedia page under ‘local cryptids’

14- most library employees know of her but they don’t go looking out of fear stemming from superstitions bout her, somehow the legend grew from ‘can’t be photographed’ to ‘a student once saw her and died that day’

15- there’s now a small shrine devoted to her where ppl bring offerings hoping to get good grades in return, sometimes they will leave papers for her to proofread nd stuff

16- new prof (named Alexei) finds online article thinks he Knows What’s Up bcos he had a borrower friend as a kid, but they left when borrower’s fam found out about them knowing each other

17- he leaves note wedged in one of her secret entrances behind outlet, asking if she can meet w him at some point

18- Mira, already In it, goes ‘Okay. Alright. This has gone on for long enough. Time to go and never return’ but ofc she’s curious as all hell and like she decides she will at least honor the guy’s request for a convo b4 she goes, but on her terms and w/o speaking face 2 face

19- they Talk in the library after hours, bcos he paid off the janitor to let him stay after hours nd most of the student employees recognize him as a prof nd leave him alone

20- they talk again for every subsequent night

21- she uhhhh finally decides to reveal herself nd prays that her hunch was right nd he won’t try to grab her or anything

22- he doesn’t but she’s nervous so she winds up gettin caught in her own climbing rope like idiot, is now dangling from ceiling in tangled mess

23- he stifles chuckle nd she says smthn sarcastic

24- he moves closer and offers to untangle her

25- she’s like ‘please’

26- so he do, but her grip on the rope slips nd he has to catch her

26- so now she’s in his hand and he just sets her down and now he’s a bumbling embarrassed mess bcos he said he wasn’t going to hold her and he just did and o dear pls forgib him

28- nd she’s like ‘dude u just saved my life it’s fine ur fine chill’

29- internally she’s going HOLY FUCK AAAAAAA but externally, her human’s already worked up enough as it is so she’s gotta b the level headed one

29.5- after a while they both kinda get used to each other more, he gets tenure, they celebrate, some more stuff happens, Aleksei got married (not to Mira, Mira hasn’t actually rly thought about being in a relationship w anyone cos she’s laser focused on gaining as much knowledge as possible)

30- eventually Alexei’s like ‘hey so I’m dean of faculty for the biotech branch now uhhhh would u like actual job teaching students? Cos, uh, you can do it remotely thru online lectures n stuff, no in person interaction, and I uh was just kinda wondering—‘

31- she’s like ‘yes. Yes!!! LET ME HELP PEOPLE OFFICIALLY KINDA’

32- so now she’s a professor, and has revealed her Secret a few times here n there to a number of the faculty, nd she has recorded her own findings in a personal journal

33- ‘humans will treat u like a human if they think ur human first. The kids call it ‘catfishing’’

34- enter Ross, an mall goth who accidentally tripped headfirst into a premed program

35- Mira’s favorite field of study is bio so naturally she’s his prof for a majority of his classes

36- being the good boy that he is, he now knows Mira’s secret. There is an Entire Chapter on him finding out and legit just continuing their conversation as if everything was normal bcos he thought that was how he was supposed to handle the situation

37- then she says ‘u can ask questions, u know’ he’s like OH THANK FUCK CAUSE I HAVE SEVEN HUNDRED OF THOSE

38- and now he kinda knows what to look for in terms of ‘do borrowers live here check yes or no’

39-in his apartment, the answer is yes and he mistakenly kinda stumbles upon the mom one night when he wakes up in the middle of the night for Snack and opts to pretend like its not happening. Unfortunately the thing she was trying 2 borrow (piece of crumb cake for Son Boy’s birthday) is the thing he wants 2 eat so he’s like “uh. ‘Scuse me, ma’am.” and he peels back the saran wrap on the other side of the plate, takes piece, nd then leaves some there for her

40-so now the woman is like ‘welp guess it time 2 Leave’

.1- she and husband Talk

.2-they decide it best 2 go

.3-theyre Packing

.4-lil bab Ellie confused

.5-hawk attacke

.6-cut to Ross

41- Ross also happens to work at a bar and he goes outside for a break

43- he finds smal child—smol smal—on the sidewalk and said child is missing an arm, nd has lost a lot of blood, so he’s uhhhhh Losing It highkey

43.5-parents r nowhere 2 b seen, but the hawk is nearby and circling. Ross gets an idea of what just happened

44- he up and leaves work, thankfully his apartment is above the shop so he jumps up the fire escape w the child and

45- he make tourniquet

46- he calls Mira nd asks her 2 come over to ASAP. he’s A Mess at this point

47- it is Very touch and go, kid needs blood, Mira is the only viable donor so she’s just gotta pray that the blood type is fine and won’t kill him

48- and then eventually they manage 2 stave infection thru antibiotics properly dosed to his size, Mira does Math and Prays basically

49- ‘bout a month in, kid wakes up

50- kid doesn’t rember much since he’s only 3

51- hes v scared of Ross at first but over time he gets used 2 the human

52- kid (elliot) starts 2 call Ross ‘dad’ after a while

53- Ross: *internal screaming but in a good way*

54- the end kinda for now

Part 2

A- New Borrowers In The Building

—three of em. paranoid dad, mom, nd daughter that’s Elliot’s age so he’s pumped

B- Elliot offers them a place 2 stay briefly

C- he knows by now bout like, how borrowers don’t typically interact w humans and Auntie Mira’s a bit of a weird case so he just doesn’t tell em bout his dad being the human

D- the kid finds out first nd doesn’t tell the parents, but they figure it out later kinda and think that it’s a ‘o god he’s being kept as a pet’ sitch so they’re >:| abt it

E- they move out and try to take Elliot w them (by force bcos they think he’s brainwashed) but he escapes and makes it to Ross, who’s like “uhhhhhh”

F- and the mom come out the hole near the counter n starts yelling at Ross, who is…kinda used to it since Mira brings in ppl who need help from time 2 time and they typically don’t react well when they’re lucid enough to understand what’s going on. He’s just not used to being questioned about his own kid

G- so they’re like “WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING WITH HIM”

H- and he’s like “r…raising him???”

I- and Ellie steps up and he’s like “this is my dad. I decided he was my dad when I was three. He’s being a good parent”

J- and Ross is like “yeah what he said. I’m a good parent.”

K- Ross is riding that high til the end of fucking time but like back to the story at hand

L- this is when the husband comes out nd is like “lissen. wifey. ily but that is a very big human and he hasn’t grabbed us yet so let’s count our blessings and gtfo”

M- but she’s like “uh no we stay until I’m sure Elliot is Safe and fucking Sound”

N- so they stay for dinner nd stick around a little longer.

O- Val (the kid) gets closer 2 Elliot and also Ross a bit

P- Mira shows once or twice, first time she shows up they’re like “oh god it’s the crazy doctor lady this all makes sense now” (bcos Mira does check up on as many borrower families as possible in her free time so word has got around by now Of her, and the number by which to contact her in case her services r needed)

Q- After a month or so, then they decide to leave bcos they’re like “look we get that ur son is ur son and he only has one arm and in our profession that is kind of a death sentence but we can’t have our kid getting used to dealing w humans who know about our existence” so they go and leave on a kind of sour note bcos Ellie can do anything he wants to do just as well as any other borrower Thank You Very Much and Ross is ready to fite anyone who thinks otherwise

R- Elliot starts trying 2 b more independent, basically from now on he’s like ‘I can do everything my Damn Self Thanks’

S- but uh he does it to a point where he’s going out of the way to endanger himself

T- so they get into a fite about it and ross Yells and Elliot is like ‘kthxbye’

U- and the boi just. Fuckin bolts. Runs Away. Ross is a Mess, he starts smoking again (he quit cold turkey the day he took Elliot in) to curb the depression, he’s jus. Not doin good, worried that his son is dead and the last time they talked it’d ended badly

V- FREEDOM!!!1! Except Ellie doesn’t kno how to take care of himself so it’s a rough month or so and then he runs into some other borrowers livin in their own town in the wild ig, chillin, being hella independent, and he’s like “uh yes ofc I will join u, I was w my dad for a while but.........” he neither confirms nor denies that his dad’s dead but everyone kinda just assumes.

Part 3

W-anyway a year goes by and then the borrower group gets hit hard w some kind of sickness ig. Elliot gets it too he’s basically incapacitated n drifting in and out of lucidity. So. They contact the weird crazy doctor lady who hangs around humans, a.k.a. Mira, and she’s like “oh. fuck. I know this kid.” bcos she does, u kno, and she jus treats em all for their ailment and shows them how to make antibiotic poultice thing in case smthn like it happens again. Mold. Penicillin is basically what it is

X-she and Elliot hav a Chat (Mira basically yells at him a lot) once he’s fixed up and he decides he’s gonna visit his dad but he makes it very clear that he is a Grown Up (he’s not, he’s literally sixteen), and he is living on his own now

Y- he agrees to stay for a week tho since he misses his home a lot tbh and Ross is just. Over the fucking moon to know he’s ALIVE, he’s not gonna fuck up their relationship by insisting that he stay. Or like, by keeping him ofc he would never

Z- unfortunately the borrower community put two and two together and figured out his dad’s human so they have his stuff packed up when he gets back w mira, who’s ready to go the fuck off on them

End 1:

-Ellie is living at Ross’s place atm and hopeful about the future basically. He eventually will go off on his own but he’ll keep in contact w his dad and stuff

Part C.5

55- few yrs later

56- elliot is Adult now he does adult borrower stuff

57- he moves out

58- finds nice borrower gf (her name’s Tess)

59- doesn’t tell her about his dad being human but talks about his dad a LOT

60- so when she asks to meet said father he’s just like “uh. Maybe we don’t do that actually”

61- and she’s like “y tho”

62- and he’s like “bcos”

63- anyway she decides to look into it cos she knows he goes to see his dad nd keep in touch but his dad is allegedly “a recluse who lives in the big scary human’s walls to avoid other ppl”

64- which is. Not true in the slightest tbqh he’s def not an introvert he’s just a workaholic and he Is the big scary human

65- anywho they run into Val and her wife and she’s like “how’s Ross been?” And Elliot is acting Very Suspish so she, being Smart, calls it immediately and is like “oh shit u haven’t told her yet have u”

66- Tess: “told me what”

67- Val: “El’s dad is a human, bro.”

68- Tess: “I’m sorry?”

69- this results in a Big Fight and they separate for like, a month. Elliot blames Val bcos he’s being irrational and doesn’t wanna admit to the fact that lying to his girlfriend for over a year was Real Bad Actually, but over time he’s like ‘yeah it’s my fault sry for snapping at u’ cos he works thru his emotions n stuff

70- Eventually gf comes back cos she’s like “ok so. I understand why you lied to me about your dad. It was a dick move but I do get it and I still care about you a lot. I would like. To meet him.”

80- this is a lie she does not want to meet him she is doing this bcos she does not want to lose Elliot and that outweighs the fear of his dad

81- so they go to meet him but she’s just kinda. Behind the wall at first like “that’s a crazy big human this is crazy ur crazy it’s time to gO”

82- Val is also there bcos she hasn’t seen Ross in a while

83- they eventually coax her out of hiding

84- and by that I mean Val picks her up and drags her out into the open by force bcos she basically freezes up the second she catches sight of Ross and Val’s like “u didn’t come all this way for nothing, bich”

85- they have a Painfully Awkward First Meeting, Tess is trying her best but oh god he’s just too fucking. Larg. Ellie ur dad too big

86- tbh tho the ice kinda breaks after Ellie and Ross get into a fight over smthn stupid (im thinking Elliot grumbles bout Ross’s hair being unruly and he’s worried that mira’s using it like a personal storage system again and Ross is like “I’ve been keeping better track of that actually” and then like a little line of paper clips and a few hand-bound notebooks tied together w some string fall out of his fucking mane and he’s like “I can explain”

87- “dad you can’t keep letting her use your hair like a fucking NEST”

88- Tess is laughing now cos god damn this was not what she was expecting

89- that’s it the end it ends w Tess laughing at them being idiots good times r had by all

Uhhhh that’s it so far. I have More but it’s kinda jumbled rn and I need to fit stuff in places. Anyway.

#was gonna make this into a comic lawl #if I like actually manage to get off my ass over the coming weeks I probably will be able to do that! but yeah #also this was once posted b4 and I deleted it but it’s back now say hellow #Library Fairy #oc: Mira #oc: Ross #oc: Elliot #oc: Tess #oc: Val #oc: Alexei #anyway yeah here it is behold #the uhhhhh most slice of life thing I have ever created

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thomasharpole · 3 years

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Jubilance - 7/28

A evening with the Dave Matthews Band in Tampa, FL

I am still trying to piece together and process what I experienced last night in the sweaty mess of a pit, watching some of the most talented, world-class musicians weave unforgettable songs and melodies together with us. The last 2 hours of this show amounted to the most powerful and most spiritual experience I’ve ever had seeing live music. Words, especially in English, fall short of my experience and don’t do it justice. It seems futile to write about it, and yet I want to preserve this night in my writing and internalize the lesson from last night as much as I can.

To stand so close at a show is something I had only done 10 years ago, but I wasn’t ready at the time to understand what I was seeing. As a musician, to watch these men last night, who I have now listened to for the better part of 20 years, genuinely felt like spending time with family or the closest friends of your life.

I could see everything. I could see the smiles, the laughter, the concentration, the emotional highs and lows, and the chemistry of these humans on stage together. I could see Carter’s love and thrill for each band member, his genuine undying smile and extraordinary speed and language he speaks on the drum kit. I could see him feel every single cymbal hit before it even landed. I could see Jeff and Rashawn’s friendship as two brass players, and the way they observe each other through their intricate solos. I could see Fonz get giddy during certain musical moments. I could see Tim’s immense concentration and what feels like his access to another dimension in the way he speaks through his guitar. I could see Buddy fresh and fly demeanor, his constant smile while playing keys, and how he is so deeply appreciated by the other legacy members of the band. I could see Dave’s raw outpouring of himself into every song he sang, his soul eternally begging to be released and shown to the world through the language of music. I could also see the warm twinkle in Dave’s eye from 25 feet away, you could tell that he, who feels like a lifelong friend to all of us, felt right at home and his presence communicated something like “I am so thrilled and happy to be here with you, my loving family, after so damn long.”

The venue disappeared for me because we were so close. I felt like I was in a small room with these guys. I was listening to exactly what I would want to hear and watch if I knew I had one evening left until my life was over.

Below are a few moments from certain songs that I wish to hold onto forever.

Setlist and moments:

**I felt the show really started to take off from JTR onward, so I’m going to start song comments at that point.

Tripping Billies Raven Seek Up So Right When The World Ends Seven You Might Die Trying Satellite The Riff

JTR: the pit crew was absolutely thrilled when JTR started playing. “Rain down on me” resonated deeply with a crowd and musicians who were so brutally covered in the sweat and humidity of the evening, it felt as if everyone in this moment resigned to the extreme physical state we were all in, and the musicians were right there with us. The way the horns built the the jam motif in the end of this tune, teasing and getting snagged on the same melody (between 4 and 6 time sig) until their final release in the last 8 bars. The way Carter carries the group through the end, with Dave high stepping along the way… just fantastic.

The Song that Jane Likes: Sweet song, amazing visuals behind the stage, and first time playing this year on tour.

Typical Situation: Something happened at this point in the show that changed the dynamic of the rest of the night. I watched Carter and Dave come alive during this tune. First, to see Carter playing shaker, mallets, and drumsticks on one song and switch effortlessly between them was awesome. But when this song went into the 7/8 chromatic jam during the middle of the outro it was off the charts. Buddy was hammering the keyboard, Carter was slamming the china cymbals, and Dave was DANCING harder than I’ve seen in 4 shows. The pit sang this one loud.

Do You Remember: Endless 90s nostalgia for me. The visuals of the bicycle evoke extremely colorful feelings of my childhood on Ivy St. The endless summer days, the laughter and sports and quiet evenings outside. My dad sitting on a chair watching us. I could write pages on just this feeling, but this song is a portal into my childhood.

Grey Street: Felt the song coming, and as Carter counted the intro out loud the tempo is so recognizable, it almost has its own identity for this song as the drums roll into the opening chord. The third verse comes back to life and the pit loves it. The girl I’m with says something about me being the crazy man creeping and I make a maniac face and she laughs. The thrill of seeing someone I know witness this song in person, up close, is overwhelmingly wholesome. It feels for a moment, as if the night has conspired to make this all happen. I almost hit the floor during the yeah scream on Grey Street after the 3rd chorus. Belted the note too hard and lost oxygen to my head, felt myself about to pass out immediately and grabbed on for dear life. The sax and trumpet duel during the outro between Jeff and Rashawn is staggering and leads us into the final riff of the song which just punches you in its goodness and power.

If Only: Just a humble little song. I need to listen to this one again (live version) to draw out what I remember from the stage.

Dancing Nancies: Dark, absolutely astounding. Tim Reynolds played the most other-worldly guitar solo with visuals on the back of broken dolls, babies, all kinds of crazy things. Dave began the song asking all the right questions about what he could have been to the audience. The hits on the outro in series of 8 were felt in my chest. Best version of it I’ve seen.

Warehouse: My all-time favorite song from this band. This intro is the most visceral and raw sequence in the show. When the sax, trumpet, guitar, and keys come together all in tremolo in 32nd notes, the frequencies and overtones created along with Carter’s enormous rapid cymbal sound is so intense you can see the physical effect it has on Dave. The closest way I could describe this intro as if the soul is being extricated by force out of the body and almost vacuumed or sucked upwards into a new reality it has to reckon with. “Only hope you’re here to pull me out, when I start going under, as the warehouse slips away” gives me chills. (To get a slight idea of what this is like, watch this clip at 38–40 mins. It’s from a different show, but note especially Dave’s viscerally clear connection with something beyond our understanding around the 39m mark.)

The strobes and lights here only add to the intensity of this intro. The huge yell before the 2nd verse. The drive into the outro. The salsa hits at the end. Rashawn just driving the trumpet to where it sounds like a different instrument. And the final lyrics in the moment of great reckoning:

That’s our blood down there⁣

Seems poured from the hands of angels⁣

Then trickle into the ground⁣

Leaves the Warehouse bare and empty⁣

Then my heart’s numbered beat⁣

Will echo in this empty room⁣

And fear wells in me⁣

Til’ nothing seems big enough to stay long

So I am going away, I am going away

The final Eadd9 chord lands as the warm summation and resolution to the song. I see the faces of all of my friends from the last 10 years that have been moved by this piece of music as well, and every place I have been in my life when listening to this song. It’s a sweet ending.

Everyday: One of Buddy’s licks on the intro to this song was a 32nd note run that blew the entire band away. He played 16 notes in under 2 seconds down the scale. Carter, who is probably the most attentive to rhythm, had his jaw on the floor. Everyone was loving it. The improv vocals. The 3 part harmonies. The crowd singing Hani Hani come and dance with me. The final build. Richness.

PNP > Rapunzel: Endlessly playful song that is perfect way to end a show. Funniest part of the show is when Dave’s string broke about 15 seconds before the outro-dance-explosion that becomes the end of this song. It was very critical that the new guitar get on before the downbeat of the outro because of how much the song picks up and to keep that energy. As Dave is bending his neck to put the new guitar on, after 3 hours of playing and probably in some pain, he changed the last lyrics of Rapunzel to: “Every single thing you do to me, my god I’m FUCKED, but I’ll do, my best, for you, I’ll do yeaaaaaa. LOL! I’m sure he’s used this change before but it was timed so perfectly with him tangled in a new guitar strap, with his head banging against the various items, knowing he had about 3 seconds to pull of this change and it was not going well.

Encore:

Singing From The Windows: I could not hold it together for this song. After a year and a half of what has felt like chaos in the lives of many people and in humanity, the acceptance and hope that pours from this song, and out of Dave, is enough to floor anyone that has an ounce of care for the rest of our species. I looked around and everyone around me in the pit was crying. Dave got choked up on this song the other night and looked like he was barely holding it together. There was a quiet and serenity for a moment without the band, and all of the focus went to the songwriter and the gripping power one man and a guitar can have on an audience of 20,000 people.

Why I Am: Man, it really felt like Leroi still carries a presence in this band and you can tell why the band sings it often.

Stay: By this point, everyone was so insanely hot in the pit that they were belting Stay knowing that it was the last chance we would get to sing together. The way Carter syncopates the china cymbals on the outro of this song has always captured me. To watch Dave dance to this one more time while the horns went off and spread his arms wide on the final 3 seconds of the song was an exclamation point on a wild ass evening.

— —

Anyway, I wish that every human being could experience what I did last night. The world would be an infinitely better place. It’s not often that we have moments in our life that alter the course of the path we’re on, but I think it’s important to recognize them when they happen.

Whatever God is or means, or exists insofar as we allow him/her/it into this world, God was absolutely radiating last night. In the faces of the people, and in the entity that lives and breathes and is created when these musicians get together on stage. There is something above and beyond human form that I am humbled to have been a witness to.

It sounds a bit wild, but we are so unbelievably bigger than our bodies trick us into thinking we are. We are so much bigger than the Warehouse that contains us. And yet, we must live and do God’s work through this physical vessel because it is the only form that we take while we’re here. We must learn from this self and feed it, nourish it, teach it to become more than what it thinks it is.

One other thought: to share this musical experience alone is wonderful. But to have shared this band with someone I love so deeply is all a person could ever ask for. It is the epitome of the human experience, that is, to watch another person receive their own gift, their own joy, their own meaning from something you believe in, and to know they will carry it with them forever. They are changed by your truth. I got to see her become fully and endlessly alive because of this music last night. And that was infinitely enough.

We left the venue on fire with gratitute. It sounds wild, but I remember thinking I could die quite peacefully at that moment! I couldn’t conjure any other thing I needed to go do on this planet. I couldn’t conjure a negative thought. It was impossible. The word “ecstasy” doesn’t do this feeling justice, because the emotions are so much further in range than just intense happiness. Perhaps “awareness” or “power” or “spiritual fullness” resound a bit more to me, but for everyone it is different.

I think what’s most special about this band is that their music permeates into the core of who you are as a human being. It’s spiritual. It’s bursting with truth. It transforms how you see the world. It becomes your attitude and your way of life. This is why these guys sold more live tickets than any other group on earth for 10 years straight. The range of emotion embedded in the music is also the perfect analogy of what we as people honestly grapple with during our journey here. The lessons are clear. The music has given millions of people permission to live better lives: with jubilance, resilience, and an understanding that joy exists even amidst the deepest of pain. Each day we have an opportunity to show someone else this honest attitude, this truth, through whatever medium we choose. It is one of the greatest gifts we can offer another person. There is no question I will carry the richness of this experience with me, from now until the end of my life. I am forever thankful for nights like this, nights that are simply transcendent.

Thomas Harpole

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#dmb #davematthewsband

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sneakerdoodle · 4 years

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I was going to release this as a long video essay but devices and software had conspired against me and eventually drained my patience, so here it is in the written form. My magnum opus. My 15 pages long analysis of the three Infinity Train seasons currently out.

1. Introduction

So for starters, I watched Infinity Train way too late, only a few weeks before the release of Book 3. And it immediately gave me MANY many thoughts, head full... Needless to say, when the first 5 episodes of Book 3 were released I was HYPED. So hyped that, being on a vacation out in the countryside, with better connection only availble upon climbing a nearby hill, I made some. sacrifices. To get there after dark, when everyone else was sound asleep.

[id: two screenshots of separate discord messages by someone with a handle “fern”, one reading “ also i decided to not risk bothering people/dogs by opening the gate, so i jumped the swamp instead, except i didn’t actually cover it, my foot got stuck, i barely saved my shoe, and i need to do that again to get back bc i am locked out”, another reading “well” with a photo of a person’s legs covered in black dirst from feet to knees. end id]

And by the rules of friendly bullying, I am now destined to have that night haunt me forever. Naturally.

[id:discord chat search results for the word ”swamp” (38 results found), cropped so that a part of one message is readable, saying “... KNOW it was the SWAMP that embraced ME, not the other way around”, another (by someone with a handle “Fleur” saying “you already DID embrace a swamp”. end id]

[id: a message from the same person saying “he asks ‘how was your swamp’”. end id]

[id: a message from the same person saying “big words coming from mx. soggy feet” with an angry red overlay. end id]

And, well. The first two Books had left me with a sense of assuredness, the underlying motif of them appearing empowering and infinitely comforting, and I was excited to get another supporting pillar in season 3. Another story to turn to in time of need to remind me that I have the power to make my life a better one, that it is never too late to make something of where I am. And, well, it's not that Book 3 didn't continue the topic of personal choice and growth, but the story it told added... let's say, more weight to the idea of personal development.

That is perhaps only natural: narratives need to grow, to develop, to take the themes explored in them further, deeper with every coil of the spiral. And a more, grave, exploration of them will only bring them closer to life. But in the aftermath of Book 3 I had to deal with a certain sense of powerlessness, not being able to fit it into a neat system, put it on a shelf in a shiny frame of witty analysis and call it a day. But, quite ironically, I believe that this exact feeling of unending change and death of comfort is the exact thing the show wants us to get comfortable with. And that's what I want to talk about here. Infinity Train's core narrative of an individual versus the wrold, individual versus change. The very concept of personhood, the relationship between the person and their environment and the way to approach it that is shown as perhaps the most productive.

I’ll start with my Many Thoughts on the first two books to explain what I thought was the underlying message of both of them.

2. Book 1: The Perennial Child and the Unproducitve Protagonist Complex

Book 1 establishes the core elements of the narrative wonderfully, the writing is smooth, effortless, beautiful and takes you on a wonderul, deeply impactful and bittersweet emotional ride. We have Tulip, The Perennial Child herself, who has to renegotiate her relationship with the world, with life, change, and other people's power to bring said change. Tulip is also to learn true connection and make peace with its price.

The narrower narrative of a story centered around a divorce is a perfect gateway into a broader one, so let's explore the specifics of the foremer first. Tulip's mindset is the mindset of a child from a dysfunctional family. The notion of blame is very strong in her perception of the world. On one hand, she sufferes from a misplaced sense of responsibility for the way things are, as she admits in her conversation with One One. That is the most natural for someone who grew up in an unstable environment, with parents whose relationship was not harmonic and healthy. A child caught in the middle of adults' anger and argumments internalizes that anger and those arguments as something having to do with them. And that's what we see Tulip go through, with her having to listen to her parents fight because of her needs.

[id: a screenshot from Infinity Train Book 1 showing younger Tulip, a read-headed girl, sitting between her two parents upset as her father is telling something to her mother angrily. end id]

Tulip also has to step in as a caregiver to a suffering adult, tucking her dad in at night; the dialogue emphasizes that their usual roles are being reversed in that situation. Growing up in the middle of constant conflicts, having to provide care and comfort and stability to someone who was supposed to take care of her, had naturally resulted in a deeply ingrained painful perception that Tulip is the one responsible for her environment, is the one to blame when it is “broken”, and is the one who should step up and fix it, make it right.

Then, on the other hand, there is the notion of blame Tulip puts on others, specifically her parents. Here, we see the same mindset but reversed: Tulip feels caught in the middle of their divorce and demands that they make it right, make it work, for her sake. She needs her family, she needs stability, she needs her parents to work out their schedules, she needs to get to the game design camp. And she is prone to seeing her parents as people who are cruelly destroying her life and her family for no apparent reason.

I am not calling her entitled, of course; ideally, stability is exactly what parents need to provide their children with. That is their mission. And when they fail, it is more than natural for children to feel hurt and betrayed. In a way, they are. Tulip's agony over her parents' divorce is never mocked nor undermined in the show, either; it is shown with the deepest compassion. So this is not so much about calling her feeligns invalid, but about looking for ways to redefine the situation in a way that would help Tulip heal. The way out of her agony seems to be to abandon the mindset that puts her at the center of her family life – and at the center of the world, in general. Things are not that simple; people have reasons for behaving the way that they do outside of how it affects her; and avoiding and rejecting that truth hurts her, first and foremost. Feeling like the center of the universe isn't so much selfish or arrogant or toxic; it's just painful, and Tulip needs to step out of it, for her own sake.

[id: screenshot from Infinity Train Book 1 showing the two adults from before, Tulip’s parents, with exaggerated demonic features, surrounded by flames. end id]

An important thing to discuss is that the notion of “blame” can only exist if there is indeed something wrong with the world. Let's go back to Tulip's defining conversation with One One, in which she gets to say some incredibly important words: “It's not your fault the car is this way.There isn't a fault, it just is.”. “No fault” can mean “no one to blame” as much as “there is actually nothing wrong with the world”. The words “It just is” carry this simple and raw reality check that forces us to accept the way things are, with no emotional withdrawal or avoidance of it.

The world simply is the way it is, and even if the way it is hurts us, it doesn't mean that what hurts us is wrong.

I would like to suggest that the Unfinished Car itself, the residents of which continue adapting to their unconventional reality and genuinely thriving in it through acceptance and flexibility, are here to emphasize that. We may not like the way things are, but that doesn't mean we should go looking for someone to blame and force to “fix” them, be out ourselves and others. We shouldn't ferociously attack what hurts us with wrenches, kicking and screaming and tyring to get it to Work Already. Sometimes the only thing we can do is to accept the reality of it, let go, and see what we ourselves can do to feel happy and content in the present circumstances.

Making peace with the way the world is, renouncing responsibility for it outside of her personal decisions, is exactly what Tulip gets to learn on the train. Being half-abducted by it during a time when Amelia has taken over and no one is there to give a nice welcoming message with specific instructions, Tulip is deeply distraught by the mysteries surrounding her, and infinitely frustrated by her seeming inability to 'logic' her way through the challenges. She boards the train as a girl whose main need is to create a semblance of control over her environment, through understanding it.

[id: two shots of Tulip’s sketchbook where she is tryng to figure out train’s puzzles. end id]

She is at the center of the universe, she is responsible for the way things are, and it is up to her to figure them out.

That is a lone, individualistic journey of a single person who only wants to deal with their own life, their own problems, and Tulip does not welcome any companions at the beginnig of it. It makes sense for her to seek solitude: she feels overwhelmingly responsible for her own little personal world, just how unbearable would it be to let it merge with other people's lives, for her to suddenly be at fault when those she cares about are hurt? Not to mention that new people are new unknowns, new factors that can make her life harder, more confusing and painful. For a person stuck in her desperate desire for control, it makes a lot of sense to prefer to deal with her problems on her own and expect others to do the same.

Meeting One One, who is the first to care, and Atticus, who is there to dispense his pearls of wisdom about the resources we find in each other, the value of friendship and its ultimate worth in the face of responsibility and risk of loss that comes with it, is what helps Tulip find comfort and humility in her relationship with others. She is simply one of the many people influencing each other's lives; she is not at the center, not at fault for the pain that comes to others, even if they were hurt through their association with her; it was their chocie to lend her a hand or a paw, and they had the right to make that choice.

Similar humility of being just one of the many is found in Tulip's relationship with the world at large, too, shown through her relationship with the train. First, she is frustrated and impatient, trying to figure out the most rational logical way to proceed in her attempts to control what happens to her next. Then, as she finds joy and connection, things become easier, she finds a rhythm that works for her, as seen at the start of “The Ball Pit Car”. And then soon after that, in swoops Amelia, ready to wreck havoc and quench Tulip's progress by trying to kill one of her friends and turning the other into a monster, and pinning it all on her.

Losing Atticus is far too big of a blow, and so Tulip gives up her lessons and falls into fatalism, feeling like she has no control over her fate, like she will never be allowed to make it off the train.

But the core component of Tulip's character is her ability to “bounce back”. She loses her progress quite tangibly, with the number going up – and yet reverses that development rapidly, when she gives it all another try and subsequently learns the truth about Amelia. Finding out that the current self-appointed conductor who has been terrorizing cars and threatening Tulip and her friends is just a person, Tulip asks a very important quesiton: “What's stopping me from doing what she did?”. She stops interpreting her surroundings as alien, hostile and created to act against her, in weird incomprehensible ways that seem to be mocking her attempts to find a shred of logic to them. Instead, she takes full control of her own actions and starts using her environment to her own benefits, much like Amelia did. But Tulip takes it a step further and approaches it in a healthier fashion. Where Amelia is desperately trying to make the world do her bidding, Tulip states a simple objecitve: help her friend, - and looks at her options.

Tulip steps into her power when she realizes her choices and actions matter and have full weight. That restores her faith into being able to help Atticus. She cannot control her surroundings fully, she cannot control how other people behave, and trying to make herself responsible for it is unfair to herself and others and hurts everyone. She can, however, make her own choices and use her own skills to strive to perserve what is important to her.

Once again, that mindset is directily opposed to Amelia's. In Book 1, Amelia is stuck in the constant attempts to recreate her life, to change the world around her, to bend her environment to her will instead of growing internally, accepting the change and adapting to it, taking responsibility for her own feelings and not for what surrounds her. The key motivation in the prison she has created for herself is grief. Unwilling to let go of the world she once shared with someone she loved, not wanting to accept the passing of something that was incredibly important to her, Amelia stagnates, rejects the thought of progress, of healing, of moving on. To start to get over such a loss is to create distance between yourself and what you are mourning. When you move on, you leave it futher and furher behind with each step. And so Amelia decides to stay exactly where she is: in the depth of soul-shattering suffering. Symbolically, she never even leaves the pod she was delivered to the train in, stays at the very beginning of her recovery journey, turns her pain into her armor until forcefully broken out of it by Tulip.

The two characters are perfect for each other as counterforces; even more so, the very environment that Amelia has created, the one that frustrates Tulip with all the unanswered questions and mysteries, is the exact one that would motivate this girl to grow. This is something to keep in mind when approaching Infinity Train's narrative: Amelia is a perfect antognist to Tulip, and it is through encountering her that Tulip grows. Amelia's mistakes result in Tulip's progress.

A key moment in the two characters' confrontation is Amelia's offer to give Tulip a car of her own, where her and her family can be pitcture-perfect and happy in the exact way Tulip wants them to be. By that point in the narrative Tulip has already had to face the truth of her family situation, the reality of it, it not being anyone's fault nor her parents' whim, sad things simply just happening for reasons outside of anyone's control. And with Amelia's offer, she has to come painfully close to the truth that she has just started making peace with once again. She has to really internalize the fact that her real parents were not happy together, and wouldn't be happy in this simulated reality; and if they were, they would not truly be the people she knows.

Tulip acknowledges the painful and beautiful truth of life: if you want to be surrounded by real people you can love, people that can love you, you need to give them the freedom to live their lives, freedom to hurt you, to walk away, to change the life you share, to have their own personal feelings that might be different from the ones you wish they had. They need to have freedom to make choices. It is scary, and it hurts, but that is the only way to have something real. While Amelia is obsessed with molding her environment in the image of her perfect life, and failing miserably, Tulip realizes that to reunite with her parents she needs to accept that, as long as they are in her life, things can change between them; and that is okay. That is the only way love can exist. With the risk of loss and pain, not any less worth it for that.

At the end of her journey, Tulip has learned the nature and price of connection, and her place in the complicated, irrational, incomprehensible world. She gets to accept that things don't need a reason for happening, that there is not always someone to blame and demand reparations from. She gets to accept that she is just one person - but that realization gives her so much personal power. As just one person, she is free from the weight of the world she used to carry on her shoulders; as just one person, she has the full scope of her personal skills and power to protect herself and those she loves, to change with the world and adapt to it, once she starts treating it as a friend and engaging with it on its own terms. At the end of her arc, she truly gets to say that she is ready for everything: she learns a whole new way to approach life that makes handling change much less painful.

She is a protagonist that gives up the protagonist complex, telling her she is the central point of the larger narrative. And through that, she finds peace and flexibility.

What is fascinating is that the narrative itself then supports that idea by removing Tulip from the center of the show. In the next book we follow the arc of Lake, my beautiful perfect child. And with it being centered around the idea of Lake's personhood and them transcending the role of a denizen, that decision could not have been any more metatextually perfect.

3. Book 2: Cracked Reflection and the Relationship between Personhood and Connection

In the first season, Lake is a side character that appears for just one episode, contributes to the protagonist's journey and is then gone. But as the story shifts and focuses on them, we see their struggle as they try to break out of the role of a 'supporting character' and prove their completion and worth outside of their contribution to someone else's story. Their intial place in the narrative and their initial position within their own story echo each other beautifully, and this is the exact kind of writing excellency that has me absolutely hooked. Thank you Infinity Train.

Quite interestingly, the idea of personhood is explored in relation to the theme of connection. Lake shares their journey with Jesse, and the two character arcs mirror each other, dealing with the relationship between personal freedom and external bonds.

Lake and Jesse operate under the same false pretense that to connect to people means to be what they want you to be, that in order to have friends you have to sacrifice who you are, what you want. They approach this false predicament from the opposite ends: Lake by avoiding any connection altogether and Jesse by readily caving in to peer pressure, adult pressure, just... general imposion of everyone else's expectations, because he suffers from the compulsive need to be liked and accepted. Lake refuses to fit in and is left to deal with their horrifying situation alone, Jesse hurts himself and those he loves in order to fit in.

It's very interesting how the narrative connects reflectiveness to connection. 'Empathy Goes', the song about friendship that Jesse sings, starts with lines “When I look at you, I see me” – words that take on a quite literal uncomfortable meaning for Lake.

[id: a screenshot from Infinity Train Book 2 of a small girl looking at her reflection in a reflective child (Lake)’s head, Lake unamused. end id]

Then the thematic core of season 2 – Lake's conversation with the dying Sieve, in which the latter torments them – introduces the thought that, by befriending Jesse and helping him grow, Lake became what he needed them to be; became his reflection.

That is, of course, not true. The idea that Lake had simply fulfilled the role of a denizen is disproven by the fact that they are the protagonist of Book 2 that goes through the same journey as Tulip, meeting the exact people and creatures and foes that influence and challenge them in the most important ways. At the end of the day, their victory was not changing their external circumstances but their internal approach to them.

As this awesome person has pointed out, that to get off the train, Lake had to embrace their reflectiveness. However heartbreaking was their enraged plea to have their personhood recognized, they never really did change One One's mind. In his perception, they remained a denizen, “so good at helping”.

The truth is, however, is that yes, Lake has helped Jesse - by being themselves unapologetically, by not fitting in, by showing him that that is an option, and in that life, you can still be loved and cared about – because Jesse without doubt cares about Lake very deeply.

But Jesse has helped Lake, too, has changed them – by giving them connection and recognition, by showing them they can be accepted and loved without the need to change who they are, without the need to tailor themselves to another person and 'mirror' them. At the end, the two get one escape for two people – because their journey was a shared one, because their paths cannot be separated, because they have influenced each other equally.

And much like Amelia was the perfect person to challenge Tulip, One One with his inability to think outside of the algorythm and acknowledge Lake's personhood, was perfect for challenging them and putting them into a situation where they had no other choice but to accept, acknowledge and appreciate the connections they have made, and the fact that those connections define them - partially.

Reflectiveness represents bonds, letting other people into your life, letting them influence you, teach you something, ask something from you – and, fascinatingly, that seems to be a part of what defines us, gives us personhood. Are we just what we do for other people? No, obviously not. Are we simply what separates us from others, what makes us unique, who we are completely on our own, with no regard to what unites us with other people, what they bring into our lives and what we bring into theirs? The answer Infinity Train provides appears to be no, once again.

Lake names themselves – finds a true, real name that they identify with, when they embrace their reflective nature and see themselves in a body of water that, yes, lets the world in, reflects it, while also undoubtedly having a life and depth of its own. Personhood, real, full human experience seems to be the subtle dance of individualism and connection, both what defines us as separate from others and what tethers us to them.

I mentioned how Lake's journey being similar to Tulip's is a part of what validates their personhood. That's one of those fascinating things in Infinity Train's writing: how the intial split of the cast into the passenger and supporting denizen characters appears almost like commentary on the protagonist complex, with Tulip actually having to internalize the idea that the world and her life are not centered solely around her, are not all about her happiness and growth, that some things happen just because they do, not because they have something to do with her.

Then, opening with a lead that needs to outgrow the protagonist complex, the show moves on to that character's narrative foil and shows them grow into the central point of the narrative, fighting to have the world recognize them as the main character of their separate, independent story. And to us viewers there is no doubt that Lake is a person of their own and has full rights to personal protagonism – they are the one we are watching, whose struggle is the focus of the Book, they are who we sympathise with in the story.

This wonderful meta decision really drills in the idea that every single character we only ever catch a glimpse of is the main hero of their own journey, and has a full life and full personhood outside of the role they play in the story we watch unravel. At the same time, as per the rules of narrating, we only see the people and events that serve the current protagonist's growth. Through that, and through being an antalogy that unravels by latching onto a secondary character time after time, book after book, exploring their own journeys and inner worlds, Infinity Train creates a breathtaking polycentric model of reality, in which every single person is the main character on their own path, with people around them contributing something of value to that path – and the main character contributing something to theirs, becoming in turn a secondary supporting character in someone else's story.

Tulip and Atticus are a wonderful example of that: embarking (hehe) on the same journey for different reasons, helping each other, accepting the responsibility that comes with being each other's friends and companions, welcoming the pain that comes with connection and at the end aiding each other in their quests. And Jesse and Lake are much the same.

The idea of companionship being the escape is only directly introduced in Book 2, but it had already sprouted in Book 1. The themes of connection, renegotiating one's relationship with the seemingly hostile world, and coming to terms with everyone's place in it as one of the many, but having endless personal power over our own narrative, are constantly and continuously present in the show, with the differnet smaller plots and character arcs beautifully overlapping.

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Analyzing all of this in the past, I felt incredibly secure and confident in the seeming underlying lesson. That there is no reason to fight the world at large, the things that are outside of your or someone else's control. And that doesn't mean “not standing up to those who are hurting others”, as shown in Tulip's confrontation with Amelia, Jesse's confrontation with the Apex. It means that some things, like where you have come from, what the relationships of people around you are, and who you have lost, cannot be changed, and our subconscious attempts to fight them only hurt us in the end.

The idea of our boundless ability to find resources in ourselves and people around us, learn from people that surround us, accept their help and offer them ours, find love once we accept the change love brings; the idea that we always have the ability to thrive in our current circumstances, once we accept that we ourselves are getting in our own way, out of the unwillingness to let go of something we hold dear; the idea that we can always, always bounce back, that it is never too late for any of us, and that true companionship will always be there to give us escape...

The idea of the world as our friend, with its own will and wishes, something that is not to be controlled and bruteforce- reasoned through, but something to engage with...

These all gave me strength, held me up, and gave me a new paradigm that allowed me to look at the reality from a place of comfort and assuredness. The paradigm of the complicated web of life where everything is in its place, where our shortcomings create valuable lessons for someone else, where our choices, even if they hurt us and others, create lessons, as established by Sieve, have their place in the big picture, like what we see with Amelia's mitakes and Tulip's progress.

Then, the idea that in that big picture, you are exactly where you need to be, always, because you always have the only thing you need to grow and recover and thrive – you have yourself and the people around you. How infinitely comforting this is, how solid.

And then Book 3 has arrived. And holy shit y’all.

4. Book 3: Cult of the Conductor and Trust vs Control

And once again, this season has not necessarily disproven all of the aforementioned stuff, just... put a lot more emphasis on the reality of pain people have to endure. In this book we had to witness simultaneously a recovery – within Grace's arc, - a descend – within Simon's, - and an actual, raw trauma, that Hazel had to suffer through on screen. We had to watch Simon murder Hazel's caregiver and repeatedly make her feel unsafe, and Grace withdraw herself and leave Hazel alone because of her ungoing identity crisis. We have to come uncomfortably close to the reality of the pain that shapes people, and with how horribly we all can hurt each other. That pain is no longer obscured by the passage of time, it's not something in the character's past. And that is... very rattling.

But, once again, the constant running themes and motifs remain. Once again, the show tackles the idea of change, of connection and the relationship between the individual and the world.

Regarding the latter, what we see with the Apex is the protagonist complex projected on a group. The Apex myth simultaneously places them at the top of the world – hence the name – and makes them the poor victims of the evil False Conductor that of course seeks to destroy them and targets them specifically. Grace and Simon developed the idea of themselves and their group as the sole people for whom the train exists, as well as the chosen deliberate targets of the entity that had taken over their environment, instead of accepting that maybe the world does not revolve around them!

Upon meeting Amelia they learn that they are not chosen, that they are not on the train because the outside world did not recognize their value, that there was never someone at the top who had their best needs in mind, and that the entity that calls the shots now does not actually know anything about them besides the fact that they exist.

The theme of connection makes a comeback hand in hand with the motif of empathy, with the book opening with Jesse's song 'Empathy Goes'. And that's what's being explored in Grace's and Simon's respective arcs with relation to denizens: their ability to show compassion and recognize someone else's personhood.

The narrative is multi-layered here. On one hand, what is being explored is a group mentality, a cult mentality that paints the outside world as simultaneously inferior and hostile, and we can see Grace and Simon accidentally inventing some pretty mean propaganda techniques. Whew, those kids. But then on the other, the idea of denizens as projections, 'nulls', incapable of actual feeling, only pretending to be real people... this brings to mind such complicated and staggering concepts as philosophical zombies or the idea of the world as something that is simply a projection of your, you currently reading thinking person, brain, where nothing is real except for your own consciousness. And since it is simply impossible to possess others and make sure they are indeed living breathing feeling creatures and not just NPCs in one wild, wild dream, empathy becomes a fascinating choice. What we're left with is 1) believing that other people do in fact feel what they say they do, 2) treating them with respect just in case or because being mean feels bad, or, 3) you know, deciding that we're on top of the world, and are the Apex predator, and everything exists for us, and we can do whatever we want with people around us.

It's interesting to see this mindset as a group mentality, but it makes sense, too; with the Apex we get to watch what happens when a group only recognizes the personhood of those that are a part of it. The thing is, there is no actual empathy within that group, either; we see that once Grace stops fitting into it as smoothly. To the Apex, she becomes a 'void', a nothing, something hollow, devoid of status and power and therefore rights and feelings that need to be respected. Simon's approach is “whatever I do not like is not real”, so by proxy, the new version of Grace is nothing, and should be erased.

This lack of empathy can be tracked deeper and deeper down to Simon as the extremely tyrannical leader, his refusal to recognize the personhood of anyone who does not agree with him. It is natural for us all to act as if what we believe is correct; otherwise, why would we believe it? But Simon takes it to the extremes, refusing to even for a second consider an alternative point of view, and ends up locked in a mindset in which he is the only person entitled to the ability to see the truth, and everyone else somehow is inferior and incomplete. That's the protagonist complex, that's the experience of a person who considers themselves at the center of the world. Why would he out of all people be the keeper of truth? He simply does not ask himself that, because he does not stop to think about the existence of others, or their experiences.

However, it wouldn't be correct to say that Simon is completely devoid of empathy. It's just that his version of it is extremely self-centered and unable to discern between his personal situation and someone else's reality. As my awesome friend @buttercup-bug has pointed out, the relationship between Grace and Hazel and Simon and Hazel is built on extending that limited, conditional empathy. As they have noted, the golden and silver masks at the start of the season that are performing the song 'Empathy Goes' represent the two of them, the golden one directly intersecting with the one Grace wears, and in general gold and silver matching their color schemes.

The position of the masks matches their position on the stage, as well: they are the two leading figures in the big messed-up play that is the Apex, removed from reality, avoiding it, living in their own little world. They perform that reality in different ways, Grace leading with smiles and emotions/emotional manipulation, Simon being more uptight and serious.

[id: two shots from Infinity Train Book 3, showinng first a scene with halves of two theatrical masks, a sorrowful and a laughing one, surrounded by undefined actor creatures; then Simon and Grace, two young people, Simon white and blonde, Grace black, with shortr dredlocs, wearing a golden masks, holding hands with each other and two other kids in a curtain call manner, with fire raging behind them. end id]

Now, returning to the empathy motif: as it was pointed out to me, the two extend their empathy to Hazel in their own ways, representing their relationship with the inner child. Grace relates to Hazel as a lonely young girl seeking connection with other children, and engages with her in a fun, upbeat way, making it so they enjoy each other's company and spend time together like friends do. That helps her get closer to Hazel, get genuinely attached and through that let Hazel influence her worldview a bit, and be there for Hazel through harder, less fun things as well, till.. a certain point.

Simon, on the other hand, sees himself in Hazel as someone stranded on the train and under the care of a denizen, and automatically perceives Tuba as a threat. And he expresses his empathy in a direct, serious, violent way, by doing what he thinks needs doing: by getting rid of Tuba without making time for smiles and fun times.

Grace is the leader, she engages with people emotionally, making them feel needed and special and through that keeping the group together. Simon is the general who leads the army in what he perceives as the Apex's attempt to protect themselves. His approach does not leave much space for bodning. And it makes sense for him as someone much more focused on safety to have his understanding of denizens as dangerous run deeper, be more at the forefront, in his focus. He’s the one calculating the “danger levels” of encountered denizens. And of course the incident with The Cat makes it much more personal. I think it's fair to assume that both Grace and Simon must've had some unfortunate run-ins with the inhabitants of the train, with Grace being initially so set in her belief that denizens are dangerous because they are unpredictable, and you never know what they will do next. Though the only time we actually see her endangered is by the steward that Amelia had reprogrammed. Either way, the two had started off feeling endangered by the unpredictable and unreliable creatures surrounding them, and probably, in their attempts to find a reason to trust each other and feel safer around each other in a dangerous and confusing world, decided that passengers must be inherently good, denizens must be inherently bad.

There is, however, no actual trust in that, none at all between them.

I'd say that “trust”' is the core motif of season 3. Infinity Train tends to adopt an aphorism that keeps reappearing throughout a season, pronounced by different characters or in different contexts, highlighting the thematic movement and change and the development of the theme within the plot. In Book 1, it was the collocation “bounce back”, as the core of Tulip's character. In Book 2, we had “You can't spell 'escape' without 'companionship'”. In Book 3, our boy Roy introduced the phrase “Teamwork starts with two people trusting each other”. Simon's horrifying rendition of it emphasized the idea that not everyone counts as a person, so not everyone is deserving of trust. You can only rely on those who fit your narrow criteria of one.

However, even when Grace and Simon were on the same side of the barricades they've built with their own hands, they could never actually trust each other. Their bond and their care for each other were extremely conditional, hinging on the ultra specific image of a passenger, and influenced by the power hierarchy they had created.

We see that Grace is reluctant to trust Simon or the Apex with the changes happening to her, with her number going down, because she didn't want them to think “less of her”. Her personal issues, her fear of loneliness and abandonment and the idea that she needs to be something specific, someone who is always strong and right for people to stick around her, have certainly played into that. Grace is so used to comforting herself through saying the world is mean to her because she is special; she wears her “special” status as a mask, she has the highest number, she is “so good at the train”, and that's what keeps others around her in this reality, keeps them needing her. But it's not actually about her as a person. But it is also just the system the two have established. Numbers are power; one's number going down is their failure.

The amount of trust only diminishes as the plot progresses, with Grace's perspective shifting but her not being able to trust Simon with those thoughts and feelings – quite understandably, since he remained adamant about his beliefs till the very end. Grace could never truly trust Simon outside of the invented value system they've been existing within for many years. And that is reflective of her constant inner struggle, not being able to trust anyone with her self, without any myth explaining why she is awesome and irreplacable. Hazel was the first person who spent time around Grace while also falling out of the equation, not being influenced by the Apex propaganda, and that is why their bond was so life-changing to Grace – aside from the aforementioned grounds for empathy.

Now, was Simon ever able to truly trust Grace? I think he desperately needed to, and facing the fact that Grace has in some ways betrayed that trust by keepings things from him was one of the things that played into him going off the rails. (...That pun was not intended. )

As it was pointed out many times by many viewers, Simon seems to know quite a lot about funerals, which means that he probably had to attend one as a kid. Then, his relationship with The Cat seems to be a metaphor for neglectful parenting due to an addiction. The Cat is a collector, her treasures seeming to be extremely important to her. The voice in which Simon says the words “She is collecting again” hints on a long, ongoing problem. Then in the memory of his meeting with Grace, we see that The Cat had actually probably endangered him on one of her car crawls. Overall, Simon's childhood seems to had been an extremely unstable one, with nothing and no one he could truly rely on, with parental figures either dying or neglecting him. It is similar to Tulip's struggle, but most likely running even deeper.

We see Simon continuously leaning on Grace, which at times causes her frustration: she snaps and asks bitterly if she always has to tell him what to do. When Grace starts behaving weirdly, starts changing, acting in a way that Simon can't understand and is not used to, he probably feels endangered, like his life is growing incomprehensible and unstable once again, like things are slipping through his fingers and out of his control.

But at the end of the day, not one of them was truly relying on the other. Grace never trusted Simon to just stick around because he liked her, she needed the upper hand, the leading position, the idea of being “very good at the train”, and the system in which they should stick together as the passengers threatened by the dangerous environment and “the false conductor”. Simon never truly trusted Grace as we should trust those we love: with the freedom for them to grow and change and still remain someone we can feel safe and happy around. Instead of taking that leap of faith and relying on her to do right by him, he was in fact leaning on the system they've created, clinging to it desperately to the very end. People may change, but the system will stay the same, as long as he doesn't reconsider his worldview, and he had decided to never abandon it, whatever happens.

The lack of trust is warranted by their treatment of each other. How could Simon rely on Grace if she had never shown him her true self? How could Grace trust Simon with her genuine self if he needed her to be something very specific and unchanging? Their bond, while being something that helped them through the lonely existence in a weird, dangerous place, was in fact incredibly, tragically toxic. That is not something that people acknowledge easily. These two held onto their semblance of friendship for dear life, but that only worsened their respective problems, made them less and less capable of actual genuine friendships.

Both of their characters are very complex and convincing, and before I speak directly of some less pleasant parts of them I want to establish that I love Grace and am so very proud of her, and glad to see that a Black woman character did not remain an antagonist and got explored deeply and compassionately. And that while I was absolutely enraged by Simon's actions throughout the season, I can also appreciate the depth and complexity of the show's writing in his arc, and the tragedy of it, and I do feel for him quite deeply.

It is also worth mentioning that, even tho they are on the older end of 'kids', they are both kids still, with their formative years spent in unfortunate, unhelpful environments, and the age of growth and self-discovery happening in an actual cult, even tho it is one they had locked themselves into.

So now, to what can be perceieved as the darker parts of their characters. A unifying element of both Grace's and Simon's characters are their desire for control. Both scared of what life would be without it, they bend over backwards to make people behave in the way they need them to.

Grace does that through emotional manipulation, she directs her entire demeanor into making people see her as the most knowledgable and powerful, someone they need. She makes them want to be a part of the gang, telling them that it makes them special and brave, as well as making them belive that the outside world means them harm, which is... a classic cult tactic. She hides the truth from them when the truth threatens her position and bonds with them. In the culmination of her personal growth, she admits the reason behind it: she did everything in her power to not be left alone. She tried to control the way other people see the world, and through that control how they see her, thinking that that will make them want to stick around. But her manipulation was what kept her from creating genuine connections, so after she first fell out of her own equation and then pushed Hazel away in the last desperate attempt to fit back into it, there was no one left around her. She made people need her cult, not her person. She never let them know the real her that would make them want to stay. The truth is that people change constantly, and we can't eternally push ourselves to live up to a specific expectation, so any attempt to keep people around with anything else than our genuine self are simply doomed.

Simon does not have the same talent for manipulation that Grace does, despite his attempts to use her own techniques on her when trapping her in her memories.

[id: screenshot from Book 3 showing Grace looking at Simon, who’s sitting next to her with a grave expression on his face. end id]

Lacking subtlty, he seeks to control the world around him through brute force. We see him repeatedly grabbing Grace in an unsettling, scary, invasive and violent manner. He is unable to influence her mentality like she influences the mentality of other people. He can't act subtly, through emotion and manipulation. And his desperation to control the world and force it to work in ways that suit him get externalized through physical aggression.

That does not excuse him, nor does his desperation warrant sympathy, but the idea of his shows of power being actually signs of powerlessness seems... captivating, reassuring somehow. People who lash out at us do so because they don't actually get to control how we feel, and never can. They can influence and wound us deeply, but they can never actually fully control us, they don’t get to rewrite us.

...Buuut back to the character analysis. Much like Grace who at the start was holding the position of “whatever doesn’t pleases or entertains me gets wheeled” (perhaps a reflection of her “never needed them anyway” attitude seen in how she feels about her failed attempts at friendship), Simon also denies everything that doesn't suit him, not just the value of it but the reality of it, too. Despite all reason, he refuses to believe that he had been living a lie for the last uhh number of years. If something isn't working the way he wants it to, if someone is behaving in a way he doesn't like, he deems them broken and wrong. As Grace points out, her memories are only a true and reliable source to him as long as he likes them, and once he doesn't, they must be lies.

Simon is the very embodiment of stagnation, complete lack of flexibility – out of his compulsive need to control the world, to have it remain the same and stable, after the turbulences of his childhood. He is very, very much like Tulip – but he is not given a chance to 'bounce back'. Amelia, another example of deep stagnation and refusal to accept the changes in the world, is allowed that decades after boarding the train. She might never leave it, but she can still make an effort, she can still grow, bit by bit. Simon never makes it to the point where he is ready to accept the reality and start making peace with it.

I assume that for the biggest part of the show he is simply constantly triggered. He spends time with Grace, like they used to, before the Apex – but they met and started travelling together right after The Cat had abandoned him. Then they encounter a child who has no one but a supposedly unreliable denizen taking care of her – another thing to remind Simon of his own neglect. Then they straight up bump into The Cat, and Simon learns that her addicition is still active, that nothing has changed, that what happened to him wasn't enough for his parental figure to reconsider her ways. Then things start changing, Grace starts behaving differently, abandones the 'passenger-denizen' binary and makes him feel more alone and directionless than he probably has been in years.

But after he traps her in her tape and returns to the Apex, there is at least a couple of month for him to get out of the spiral and reconsier. All Of That. and yet he doesn't. At this point his actions are not solely motivated by the very unstable state he was in – which is not to say that he wouldn't need to take responsibility for them either way. But a certain amount of time and distance from it all could have been used for reflection, and yet Simon stays firmly in his position of clinging to the system and revelling in the ultimate control he had found by becoming a leader. He creates a myth of Grace as someone who is worthless because she is unfit to be a leader. He paints himself as more reliable and powerful through the firmness of his beliefs. With him, you can always know what the rules are going to be, how to be the best. Perhaps, in his twisted horrifying perception, he was giving the Apex kids the stability he'd never had.

Going back to the question of why Simon was not given the opportunity to bounce back... Obviously, a core element of his character is his refusal to change in any form, and that’s on him. But with making peace with change being a big theme in the show from season 1, with Amelia doing the same for decades and eventually getting to a place where she had finally accepted it... This is a heavy and fascinating narrative decision.

It's good to consider that Amelia never actually succeeded at controlling the world in the way that she needed. Among all the characters, her grief was the most hopeless, most desperate: she tried to reverse time, she tried to bring someone back to life. Unlike her, Simon achieved some at least perceived control that he had been striving for. The danger of his character is that he executed his power over actual physical people, and he felt like he could actually decide what their life was going to be, what his life was going to be. He never got to lose it all, like Grace did. He never got to face just how hollow his illusion of control was. So in some ways within his arc him not getting redemption makes sense.

But what does it mean for the show at large, for the underlying message? It feels inconsistent with the Infinity Train's narrative to just make Simon out to be a cautionary tale of what happens to those who deny change, or a foil to Grace who did ended up accepting it; we've already established that in the show's polycentric system, every character is more than just a part of someone else's journey, has full existence and autonomy outside of that.

Once again quoting my wonderful smart friend @buttercup-bug, I want to refer to the end of season 3 in which Grace tells the ex-Apex kids that it is not fair for her to decide for them what their place on the train is, who they are, what life is to them; and in the same way, the unconcluded story of this book can be open to interpretations, with every one of us getting to choose what to take out of the simple reality of it. Simon's story simply happened. We can take whatever lesson we need from it.

But before we part our ways and each one decides what to think of the bone-chilling end of his arc, I want to point a couple more things out.

5. The Train as a Metaphor for Life

Something that has really fascinated me about the show's narrative ever since my marathon of the first two seasons is the concept of the train. One One seems so very sure the train inspires growth, and yet, as we have learned in season 3, he, the Conductor himself, does not actually know much about the passengers' life aboard it except their numbers. There is no established system, there is no assigning of the denizens, there is no rulebook for them, they are not aware of the specific problems of the passengers they meet. Passengers can actually die on the train, which is wild if the goal of it is to make them grow and flourish. We are so used to thinking that to heal, one needs a perfectly supportive, comfortable and safe environment, and yet the train is challenging, dangerous, unpredictable.

I think the idea here, with characters time after time having to come to terms with life being confusing, ever-changing, often painful and entirely outside of our control, is that the train is not necessarily there to soothe the wounds but to raise the stakes, challenging people in such a way that their choices and their actions and approach to the reality have much more serious consequences. Tulip learns to accept help and help others in situations that actually threaten her and her loved ones, while what she would risk in the past when shutting herself off was just upsetting some friends and family and, you know, being fundamentally alone. Jesse went from letting others bully his brother to balancing on the edge of selling Lake out, which would end their entire existence. Grace went from being a child who creates fights and eggs others on to do something stupid to being an actual teenage cult leader. The train raises the stakes exponentially, and that makes everyone on board reconsider the real price of their actions.

Aside from that and giving specific directions for growth through numbers, though, it doesn't really... do anything. It functions the way life functions: things just happen, people just behave in ways that make sense for them, and everyone has full autonomy. At the same time, we see characters encounter the exact companions that make them grow, the exact enemies that challenge them in the most important ways. To once again quote Fleur @buttercup-bug a.k.a. the established sponsor of all of the behind-the-scenes Infinity Train discussions, the train is both ambigious and very meta, and “acts both as a narrative arc machine in a storytelling sense and as a lesson provider in a life sense, which bridges the gap between story and reality in a really personal way”.

That is a wonderful way to put something that captivated me upon my first watch. The train is a metaphor for life. It is contrasted against the metaphor for death or non-existence: the lifeless wasteland through which it is constantly moving, the wasteland populated by soul-sucking parasites also symbolical of nothing other than death. The train is life that is always moving, never the same, outside of our control, bigger than us, not obeying our wishes no matter how hard we try, challenging, populated by other people that have their free will, which often hurts us. And yet, the train is a provider of companions, which are to be our escape. And they are not crafted or tailored to us, nor are we crafted for them - and yet as our paths intersect, we impact each other, and we learn from each other in incredibly meaningful ways.

When thinking about this, I've landed on two possibilities. Either the Engine or the Train – something separate from One One – is a great and omnipotent mind capabe of foreseeing how things would unravel to everyone's utmost benefit, placing the correct people at the correct places, weaving an incredibly complex web of connections in which we always meet the companions we are supposed to meet ot exchange lessons with... or it doesn't need to be at all. And I think I like the latter much more.

The train doesn't need to be that, because, as I've already proposed earlier, ourselves and the people around us, whoever they are, are all we ever need. Wherever you are right now, wherever the Universe has put you, you are supposed to be there, not because it has some grand plan and knows something that you don't, but because no matter your circumstances, you already have what you need for growth. You have yourself and you have other people and their stories, and the connection they can offer you. (Hazel, who is perhaps the most mature character we meet – which is tragic considering how many dysfunctional adults she has to be around – seeks to connect with everyone around her who is not outwardly dangerous, no matter how little in common they seem to have. And eventually something is found, some strand of connection, creating empathy.) People around you always have something to offer. You yourself always have something to offer.

I would hold onto that idea, as well as the idea of “bouncing back”, of it never being too late to get better. And I felt a bit off-balance when Simon was not given a chance to do that. But in a way, shifitng the story from fated encounters that kickstart someone's progress, like the one between Tulip and Amelia, Lake and Jesse, gives even more weight to this concept, by putting our personal decision to change into focus.

It's not all about meeting this one specific person who will show you the error of your ways; even more so, sometimes people who have a lot in common and mirror each other hold each other back instead of helping each other grow. Sometimes one of them changing only pushes the other further down when they refuse to accept that. And at the end, it is all up to us.

Getting a little bit existential here, but we are fundamentally the only ones who define our lone separate experience, and we are always on our own and solely repsonsible for ourselves. Connection is always there to support us, to teach us something, and playing a role in someone's life is what makes us real and vice versa, and at the same time we are all masters of our own destiny. We do not bear responsibility for other people's actions, and they do not bear responsibility for ours. Some environments are more suited for our growth, some less, but at the end of the day the choice to take whatever opportunities we have is up to us.

Which means that we don't have to sit around waiting for the Logical Point in our character arcs to achieve a breakthrough. The world is always there for us to engage with, to hear what it has to say. The question is, are we ready to accept it? To see it for what it is? With time it will grow louder, ignoring the truth we're avoiding will become harder, but the choice to listen is always ours. We can do it sooner rather than later. Or we can do it... never, refuse the reality, refuse change and the nature of life. Because we are the ones responsible. We can't blame the world for not delivering the needed lessons sooner in life, because even if it did, nothing would stop us from ignoring them. We can't feel entitled to endless lessons and endless comfort from people around us. We should take care of ourselves.

Which means that, wherever we are, at any point of our lives, we can always grow if we listen, if we open ourselves up to the truth. And the truth is that life is incredibly, undescribably complicated. It stretches across so many different individual experiences, and it does not prioritize a single one of them. We are a part of such a vast web of events and connections, and it is foolish to consider that the world is the way it is just to spite you or hurt you, or that it should change, stop and start spinning in the opposite direction just to ease your pain.

Things happen that no one is to blame for. There is no fault in the way the world is. Nothing is broken. Life goes on, endlessly, life changes, people change, people leave, people hurt us. That is okay. We can always change ourselves, we can be flexible and open and alive, we can extend our hand to the world and work together with it in true companionship.

Life is the way it is, wild and uncontrollable, and you cannot escape it, you cannot escape change, as long as you are alive. But you can make peace with that. Through acceptance, love and connection.

Gohms, creatures dwelling in the desert that symbolizes non-existence, parasites that symbolize death, are what awaits those who choose to get off the train. Those who try to escape the endless movement and challenges of life. You cannot truly stagnate, you cannot stop moving, you cannot stop things form changing, as long as you exist. As Simon attempts to control the world, still it, for the very last time, that is what happens to him. He stops existing. By refusing change, he refuses life itself. And loses it. And maybe it's not about him never getting to arrive at a point that would tip him over and change him. Maybe it's about his choice to not take all the opportunities that were presented to him before. Maybe he could've done something very different, whether that would have changed his fate or not, with whatever time he had left.

#infinity train #infinity train book three #infinity train book two #infinity train book one #meta #tulip olsen #lake infinity train #grace monroe #simon laurent #trauma mention tw #childhood neglect tw #addiction tw #analysis tag #OOF #ive been waiting to get this out of my head for so LONG

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dougiesmullet · 3 years

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Canes Training Camp Day 1 !!

🏒 News + a few guesses/thoughts/opinions ect. 🏒

>> Most basic things are that everyone is back and there have been no travel problems for any of the international Canes. Only 38 guys are in town according to Michael Smith, so for sure smaller than you’d have normally. There are only 8 days of camp with the guys practicing every day up to the 13th with Saturday off. Group 2 practices at 9am and Group 1 at 11am.

>> Not much news about Group 2 practice, and I’m guessing it’s because it’s mostly prospects and AHL guys (Those the likes of Jarvis, Shore, the Cotton brothers, Forsling, Keane, Nedeljkovic, and more) Some of these players will most likely travel with the team as a part of the “taxi squad”.

>> The SAT line is not together for training camp and I’m thinking they’re just experimenting with lines and chemistry at the moment. I think we’ll see the three together more throughout training camp and into the season because of what they can offer the Canes in terms of offensive production. Right now the coaches and office seem more concerned on getting guys back into it and spreading out talent.

Forward lines today were as follows:

Niederreiter - Aho - Teravainen

Svech - Trocheck - Fast

Foegele - Staal - Necas

Dzingle - Martinook/Geekie - McGinn

>> The most notable thing about the forward lines is Jesper Fast being on the second line and Necas being on the third. Fast is a physical guy and so is Staal so they will probably want to balance speed and physicality. They also have Trocheck and Svech on the second line and Necas down to the third which makes sense in terms of balancing play. Trocheck and Necas play fast (no pun intended) and Svech can too if he wants. They have fast goal-scorers and physicality together on both lines which makes for a good mix if execution is right.

Defensive lines were as follows:

Slavin - Hamilton

Skjei - Pesce

Gardiner - Fleury

Ryan - Bean

>> Nothing too crazy except an extremely deep D-core, but you knew that already. Pesce is back in the lineup and seems to be fully recovered which is awesome for the Canes. I doubt they’ll switch up much here during the training camp or the season but you never know.

>> Reporters are allowed to watch at the WCC. Sara Civian and Michael Smith are included with others too (many that I’m not familiar with but I’m trying to get familiar with reporters !!)

>> Sara Civ (on Twitter): “It’s 11:42 am and SOMEONE is screaming”

>> Jordan Martinook (VIA Canes Twitter): “Good first day, it’s like we never left. Felt good out there. Energy is good. Everything went according to plan...”

In the Room: Jaccob Slavin (This is not a transcript of the entire interview, questions and answers may be edited for clarity. Only points that seemed important or interesting were included. You can find the whole interview on the NHL app or NHL.com)

Q: (in regards to training camp) So far, what’s different and what’s the same?

A: The intensity is the same, what we have to get done is heightened in the sense that we only have eight skates until puck drop... making sure we’re getting everything accomplished... it’s different in the sense of getting used to these [holds up a face mask], wearing these everywhere around the rink and in the locker room and just the little protocols we have to go through... we gotta do what we gotta do to play the season.

Q: Do you think this year will be more about execution than preparation given that you’re going to play the same teams over and over again?

A: Yeah... within a couple games of playing we’ll figure out the way we need to play. Obviously we have our system set in place and when we execute that we’re one of the best in the league... so you worded it perfectly that execution is going to be key this year, and yeah it might get old playing the same teams over and over again so it’ll be who comes ready to play and executes what their game plan is.

Q: What are your thoughts on no preseason games? Is that a pro or a con to you?

A: I think it’s a con, honestly. I think all the guys appreciate being able to play a couple at least, just working out those little kinks. I also know Roddy’s running a camp where we are ready to go without any preseason games and that we are structured well enough and have all those little kinks worked out and ready to go. So if we can get off to a good start hopefully that’ll set us up for a good push through the season.

Final thoughts:

>> The guys seem to be happy to be back !! Some have been practicing at the WCC for a while now so it’s just a bit more coordinated for them with Rod being there now too.

>> Expect to see lines change throughout the week and into the 13th. It’s never truly set in stone and they’re working with getting new guys into the system and working with the chemistry.

>> The Canes are one of the few teams who didn’t change much during the offseason or lose anyone to surgery/injury. Waddell says everyone is healthy and good to go, which it seems like from an outsider’s view. The Canes were also reluctant to trade or sign many people. Whether that was because of season constraints or cap problems, we’ll never know but it could be an advantage, especially in the beginning.

>> Personally, I’m a bit concerned with safety protocols since this isn’t a bubble anymore. The NHL has been figuring things out and HOPEFULLY are making it as safe as possible but they need to rely on players to follow Covid rules and guidelines. Since the Canes are without fans indefinitely, I think the risk for sure goes down for them, but who knows. Guys have just got to be careful.

>> I also absolutely LOVE the 2nd and 3rd forward lines for the Canes, and the Gardiner/Fleury pairing is silent but deadly. Like Slavin said, it’s a matter of getting a good start and not having to figure out problems in the middle of the season that could’ve been worked out during camp. Relying on the 2nd and 3rd line production is part of that good start; with the talent and physicality spread out, it’s a matter of those guys executing and meeting the mark.

>> 10 days till Canes hockey !! 🏒

#carolina hurricanes #canes #hockey #nhl #nhl training camp #nhl news #video via @canes twitter

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yeaahishowedupatyourparty · 3 years

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Disney’s Truth Booth.♥️

You can read this as OOC or an IC interview, I really don’t mind!

GENERAL QUESTIONS

1. Please state your full name: “Disney Cosette Hamilton” 2. Does your name(s) have any kind of meaning? If so, what is it?: “My Mum never wanted Park and I to have the same name as any other children around at the time - there were a lot of Lauren’s and Rebecca’s and so on...My middle name is my Mum’s - and my own - favourite character from Les Miserables.” 3. Do you have any nicknames?: “None that are said to my face, ha.” 4. Where were you born? And in which country?: “I was born in auteuil, which is in Paris, France.” 5. What is your date of birth?: “The 15th December 1995.” 6. Of course, the following question; what is your Zodiac sign? “Sagittarius.” 7. Do you believe in Zodiac signs? “Yes, but I don’t want to hear what you have to say if you don’t know your Big Three. I know many, many, many Sagittarius people that I can’t relate to because our charts are so different.” 8. Where do you live? “Violet Springs, it isn’t permanent. I plan to move to New York after.” 9. What is your home situation like? (ex. do you live with your family? Your partner etc.?) “I live with Brody and my two daughters, Dixie and Fleur, as you guys all know.” 10. Do you have any siblings? “I have a twin brother and two younger sisters.” 11. Do you have any kind of allergies? “Nope.” 12. Do you own any pets? If so, what kind of pets are they? “We have a dog - a Pomeranian called Marilyn - and then two ragdoll cats; Eliza and Angelica.” 13. Why did you apply to St Jude’s? “It was really by chance. I was initially going to go to Cambridge, but I also wanted to keep going with my acting career and St Judes just felt like a better option.” 14. Did you had to go through a lot audition rounds? "No, I didn’t technically audition. I was accepted on my resume and my previous work I’d done before coming here.” 15. What is the current course you’re following? “Acting for screen and stage.” 16. If you can switch courses, which one would you switch to and why? “Probably producing and directing. I feel like that’s an area I want to look into at some point anyway, whether I switch courses or not.” 17. What is your proudest project you’ve done? “Gigi on Broadway...The last person to have the role before me was Audrey Hepburn. How do I top that?” 18. What is the proudest project that someone’s else has done? “I feel egotistical for saying so because I’m in it, but Mason’s Gossip Girl was really before it’s time. I personally haven’t starred in a project I’ve been as invested in as that.” 19. Do you like FanCons? “Not particularly.” 20. What do you like about FanCons? “Meeting genuine supporters who have something to say for themselves, rather than just screaming at you and shoving a camera in your face.” 21. What don’t you like about FanCons? “The screaming and excessive selfies.” 22. A fan memory that always stuck with you? Can be positive or negative. “I’ve really started to enjoy getting to know the fans who work at our store. It’s really good to see them grow as people and have their own dreams - rather than just chase around people who are already living theirs.” 23. Your favorite event so far? “Good question, I really love Springs Festival.” 24. What kind of event would you like to see in the future? “I’d like to see more international events; we’re based a lot in London and the USA.” 25. Would you recommend St Jude’s to friends, family. etc? “Yes, but I’d push for them to go to Liberty or Sulayman if they could.”

PERSONALITY QUESTIONS

26. What are your positive traits? “Loyal, an overachiever and I’d say I have a good eye for aesthetics.” 27. What are you negative traits? “I don’t have any negative traits. Just ones people can’t deal with.” 28. What would other people describe you as? “Probably a perfectionist.” 29. What are your pet peeves? “People who put on a front because they want to be seen as a certain way. It’s so annoying that people would rather spend their lives pretending than actually working on themselves.” 30. What makes you happy? “My children.” 31. What makes you upset? “Things that have no place or excuse to exist nowadays; racism, homophobia, I could go on.” 32. What is something you love? “I love acting and fashion, also travel.” 33. What is something you dislike? “People who completely disregard veganism without really looking into it.” 34. What are you strengths? “Standing by my word and making things work in my favour.” 35. What are you weaknesses? “I might have a compulsive shopping problem. It’s completely possible.” 36. A misconception people often think of you? “I think a lot of people assume that I’m conservative or my family is conservative. They’re always surprised when we believe in the rich paying higher taxes, being pro-immigrant, being allies to the LGTBQ+ community. People seem to assume we’re all anti-that stuff.” 37. Do you have any fears? “Poor hygiene.” 38. What scares you the most? “Being satisfied. Imagine just, stopping? I couldn’t.” 39. What do you do to entertain yourself? “Work or shop.” 40. What is your MBTI? “I’m an ENTJ.” 41. How do you deal with stress? “I shop, or sometimes exercise if I’m feeling it.” 42. Are you a determined person? Are you a stubborn person? “I am absolutely both.” 43. Do you consider yourself selfish? “Yes. It’s not a bad thing.” 44. Would you like to be different? “Absolutely not.” 45. Are you more introverted (focused on your inner world) or more extraverted (focused on other people and the outer world)? “I would say I’m more extroverted. Although, I don’t agree with those definitions. Being an extrovert is getting your energy from external places; time with friends, the world around you...Introverts tend to be drained by it and prefer solo activities.”

ROMANCE QUESTIONS

46. What is your sexual orientation? “Heterosexual.” 47. Current relationship status? “Married.” 48. When was your first kiss? “I was eleven and it was at our family’s Christmas party.” 49. Do you remember your first date? If so, with who was it? What did you do? “It was with Brody, we were thirteen and it was after filming High School Musical 1...It was something really lame, like the cinema, but at the time it was the best thing ever for both of us.” 50. Have you ever experienced heart-break? “Yes.” 51. Have you ever been in love? (If yes, skip to question 53) “Yes.” 52. If no, how so? 53. How do you know when you’re in love? “You just know, I think it’s different for everyone. The same way that you know if you’re sad, happy or excited. It’s nothing special compared to those other feelings - people just put for weight on it.” 54. What would be your ideal date? “I’ve had it and it’s something I’d rather keep private.” 55. What is your perspective on marriage? “If it’s for you, that’s good, but nobody should feel pressured. Its not something you have to do.” 56. (only for non-virgins) Are you a sub, dom or switch? “I’m not answering that.” 57. What do you think of relationships? “They aren’t necessary but again, if it is something you want then you should go for it.” 58. What do you think of one-night stands? “They’re fine.” 59. Are you still a virgin? “I’m not.” 60. Most attractive trait in a different person? “Confidence. I hate talking to people who don’t mind or have no real opinions. I’d rather be with somebody who’s my complete opposite but stands by what they say, than someone who just borrows the opinions of others.” 61. What matters most to you when it comes to a relationship? “Perseverance.” 62. Are you comfortable with PDA? Or would you be comfortable with PDA? “In moderation, it can come off tacky if you do it too much.” 63. Are you more of a type to be asked out or the type to ask the other out? “I don’t pursue people. I’m only ever pursued.” 64. How do you express love to the other? “If I’m allowing you to vent to me or generally be in my presence for longer than a few moments and have more than surface level conversations, I obviously love you.” 65. Who is your celebrity crush? “Prince Harry.”

GETTING DEEP QUESTIONS

66. Do you regret anything? “No, regret is the enemy of progress.” 67. Is there something you woule like to re-do? So, start all over again? “No.” 68. What is something you would never share with anyone? “Yes, a lot of my personal memories. Some things between my family and I are just that.” 69. When was the last time you cried? Why did you cry? “It’s one of those never share things from the last question.” 70. Most memorable event that happened in your time in St Judes? This could be anything: “Can you remember when we all almost died in the Caribbean?” 71. One thing you wish you could do all over? “Nothing, didn’t I answer this?” 72. Someone you miss? “I miss my Grandmother a lot, we don’t see her half as much as I’d like. Especially now we have the girls.” 73. Something you wish you could forget? “Again, there isn’t anything.” 74. Who has the biggest impact on you? “Probably my Dad, there’s a lot that he’s taught me that I think has helped me with success up until now.” 75. What is your perspective on love? Is it beautiful? Does it scare you? “Neither. Love is something that you either choose to pursue or you do not. My perspective of love is that it’s been romanticised and turned into something where people go above and beyond to prove that they are more in love than someone else...I think love and romance get far too blurred. One is a lot better than the other.” 76. What has hurt you in the past that you don’t want others to go through? “I’d rather not say.” 77. What is something you have gained, something you have lost and something you let go of during the past year? “I’ve gained two daughters, I’ve lost too much sleep and I’ve let go of drinking. I was never a huge drinker anyway, but I drink even less now and it’s nicer than you’d think.” 78. Have you ever lost a friend? do you wish you would still be friends? “Yes and no. Anybody I lose, I lose for a good reason.” 79. Do you have any triggers? What is the history behind these triggers and are they related to any disorders or mental illnesses? “That’s a very personal question.” 80. If you could meet your 16 year old self, what would tell them? “Not to have so much self-doubt because you’re becoming exactly who you’re supposed to be. I think my 16 year old self was definitely more clued up than the average 16 year old. Also, you don’t have to dress like Cher from Clueless everyday.”

RANDOM QUESTION ROUND

81. Summer or Winter? “Winter.” 82. Cats or dogs? “Cats, I love both but cats are more independent. If they were people, they’d be better.” 83. Beach or mountains? “The beach.” 84. Phone calls or texting? “Texting.” 85. Have you ever skipped class? “Yes.”

#sjudestruthbooth #itsdisney

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theorynexus · 4 years

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Turns out I was less depressed, more angry. What will 64 have in store?!

Also known as: WHAT, WE’RE ON PART 7 ALREADY?!?!?! Meat 38, for those who don’t know. Random note: Screwing up everything and then bailing is a really horrible thing to do, and only something that an emotional child with no real mooring in reality would do. It is a shame that the answer to my question of how Dirk got so screwed up is probably simply that he realized that this was a work of fiction and then lost his grip, thinking that that invalidated his world and the struggles of everyone involved in it. I do wonder what possible recourse he thinks he can have to this, and/or if he is just desperate and/or demented, now.

Sounds like any other day before the campaign, prick. I hate that you’ve become more smug and insulting to everyone as you’ve progressed through your tyranny. Rose really was right about someone not knowing how to properly mix ideas in order to make a balanced narrative, anymore. (Not that I think Hussie’s broken like Dirk; rather, to suggest that Hussie is at least playing at not being in charge, any more. I guess that might be a prelude to passing the torch, if what I heard about him maybe handing the reigns [largely] to someone else for Homestuck^2 is correct?)

***gives him the finger***

Dave is so Dave that it puts Dirk off. This is most precious.

Pffffft. It almost feels like Dave is doing this specifically to spite Dirk, honestly.

Boooo!~ People don’t need to “get laid,” as the inexplicably popular saying goes, in order to mature/relax and become whole!

... I can’t tell if he’s being serious and accurately portraying events or if he’s doing the Dave thing and exaggerating for emphasis.

Says the guy who’s abandoning the planet and doesn’t want to think about it ever again. Seriously--- what the heck?

Yes, yes he would have. And also, I sincerely hope things don’t go that way.

SCREW YOU, AND DON’T YOU DARE BASICALLY RAPE YOUR BROTHERSON BY FORCING HIM TO HAVE SEX THAT NEITHER OF THEM ARE WILLING TO ENGAGE WITH, YOU CONTEMPTIBLE EDIFICE OF TRASH!!!

I absolutely hate this smug, purposeful hypocrisy. I can’t believe he gets off on this much inconsistent nonsense.

***eye twitches at this conceited self-loving idiocy*** (The idea of him being like a sun does reinforce Dirk’s image being similar to Yaldabaoth’s, though~)

Or, you know, put it off and reject, reject, reject that nonsense, to the point of not using your destined powers for anything but mundane tasks, losing touch with them, and not realizing that you can actually make a whole fricking great deal of a difference and improve the world you live in by using your powers when they’re needed?

Wow, stunning revelation: Dirk is the anti-Karkat. That explains a great deal-- especially since Karkat probably had ABRAXAS as his denizen.

***HEART POUNDS LIKE I’M BEING SHAKEN BY AN EARTHQUAKE, IN THE WAKE OF THAT REFERENCE*** OH MY FRICKING GOSH. DAVE AND KARKAT ARE LIKE THE REAL KAMINA AND SIMON WHILE DIRK AND JAKE ARE LIKE A TWISTED FALSE COPY OF THEM, AND MY MIND IS BLOWN. HOW THE HECK AM I EVEN SUPPOSED TO REACT TO THIS SORT OF MADNESS?!?!?!?!?!!!

SHUT THE FUCK UP, YOU CONTEMPTUOUS KNAVE!!! YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IT MEANS TO TRULY LOVE, AND YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO COMMENT ON THIS SORT OF BEAUTIFUL, BEAUTIFUL RELATIONSHIP!!!

(Hmm. I think Dirk might actually be right about Dave expecting that he’d have gone for something more. I don’t know that Dave would actually necessarily want more, though. He seemed to be perfectly fine with an intense non-sexual love bond, as of his earlier internal monologuing.)

It’s this level of frentic, exasperated nonsense that really shows that he would not be right for the role of a higher god, even if he were more stable and less selfish.

Hmm. Well, this sort of conversation needed to happen eventually, I guess. Maybe. But I am still quite disliking Dirk’s pushy, stupidly over-excited attitude about it.

You really don’t know Dave at all, do you?

***SCREAMS IN TERROR AS THE COUNTER-TROLLING DAVE DID AGAINST TAVROS IS RESURRECTED WITH A GREAT AND EVIL VENGEANCE***

WHY DO YOU TRY TO RUIN EVERYTHING IN RANGE OF YOUR TOUCH?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

REALIZE!!! REALIZE IT, DAVE!!!!!!!!! OVERCOME THIS DAMNABLE TYRANT AND RIGHT THE WRONGS THAT HE HAS CRUELLY WROUGHT UPON THIS WORLD, YOU WONDERFUL, IRONICALLY-INCLINED MAN!!!!!!!

I don’t know how to feel, right now, but I think this is a victory against a false god, and I am excited about it!

I’m glad to see you are confused and uncertain, bakayarou~

Well... if this is going to happen, at least it is going to happen more of their free will, even if this confrontation was forced by an arrogant and almost immeasurably vile being.

... I am proud and disgusted with Dirk and his foolishness--- especially insofar as he feels the need to apologize for blowing the description of something that we don’t even need to have presented to us.

It already was. I hate you so. fricking. much.

#Davekat #Homestuck Spoilers #Homestuck Epilogue #Dirk Strider #homestuck liveblog

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lesmiserabby · 4 years

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Tagged by @queen-paladin, thanks for the tag!

1. what is the color of your hairbrush? Red

2. name a food you never eat: Oh there are so many.... But the no bacon and no poutine seem to be horrifying to my fellow Canadians

3. are you typically too warm or too cold? Too warm is the one I actually notice so I’m gonna go with that

4. what were you doing 45 minutes ago? Practicing piano

5. what’s your favorite candy bar? I’m assuming this translates to chocolate bar in Canadian and I’m not super big on chocolate... I enjoy the occasional Snickers though.

6. have you ever been to a professional sports game? Canada vs someone in Fifa over ten years ago, it rained a lot which was unfortunate because soccer is very much outside. It was fun enough, but I’ve never been super into sports, my dad and sibling loved it though.

7. what is the last thing you said out loud? Not counting humming along to my piano, I said goodnight to my mom.

8. what is your favorite ice cream? cookie dough or butterscotch swirl.

9. what was the last thing you had to drink? Sodastream orange soda

10. do you like your wallet? Very much, it’s BB-8!

11. what is the last thing you ate? spaghettini smothered in parmesan cheese

12. did you buy any new clothes last weekend? nope

13. what’s the last sporting event you watched? I dunno, probably some bits and pieces of hockey or soccer on tv?

14. what is your favorite flavor of popcorn? Very specifically love the cheddar from this local place, absolutely fantastic, 10/10. Also love Smartfood white cheddar and also just regular popcorn with melted butter.

15. who is the last person you sent a text message to? my boyfriend

16. ever been camping? yes, so many times growing up, used to go at least once every summer. I miss it.

17. do you take vitamins? I try to, I have forgotten for the past month or so, they are definitely needed courtesy of my inability to eat a lot of things.

18. do you regularly attend a place of worship? Sort of, I try to, I’m a preacher’s kid, but I also get bad insomnia - like went to work on less than an hour of sleep the other day bad - and accidentally sleep instead. It was very pathetic that I couldn’t even get myself out of bed and into the kitchen when we were doing our services as livestreams from home.

19. do you have a tan? No, I kind of did this summer but it’s gone again. Generally I try to cover myself in sunscreen and avoid tanning because I have the complexion of an anemic vampire and I don’t tan, I just burn and then it fades, and I HATE it.

20. do you prefer chinese or pizza? Pizza,

21. do you drink your soda through a straw? Depends on how coordinated I’m feeling, but probably should use my straws more often, regardless of what I’m drinking. I frequently spill water on myself when I try to drink.

22. what color socks do you usually wear? black

23. do you ever drive above the speed limit? Occasionally a couple kilometers over by accident, mostly I just walk places since I don’t have my own car. (do have my full G, cars are just too expensive)

24. what terrifies you? So so so many things. Spiders, being abandoned, losing loved ones, bitchy customers at work who don’t know how to read a menu

25. look to your left, what do you see? my wall

26. what chore do you hate most? Currently hating packing and I haven’t even started really beyond taking empty boxes from work oops

27. what do you think of when you hear an australian accent? Ok so 99.9% of the time wen I hear an Australian accent it is Siri on my boyfriend’s phone acting as a GPS and he likes to pretend to fight with Siri and be like “don’t tell me what to do” so I don’t really think anything so much as internally have a deep sigh and kind of laugh to myself. I love him.

28. what’s your favorite soda? Don’t really have one any more, used to be all over Pepsi but I’m trying to have less caffeine because insomnia and hoping cutting out caffeine helps (it hasn’t yet but oh well) so....

29. do you go in a fast food place or just hit the drive thru? I usually only ever really get fast food when I’m at work and it literally is my workplace so... I’m just already there, inside, behind the counter.

30. what’s your favorite number? A nat 20 on a D20 when playing Dungeons and Dragons.

31. who’s the last person you talked to? Not counting texts to my boyfriend, my mom

32. favorite meat? Chicken and fish, for fish specifically walleye/pickerel (ideally from NWO) and salmon

33. last song you listened to? So Soon by Marianas Trench because that piano part with Josh Ramsay’s vocals is just beautiful

34. last book you read? Currently working through Axiom’s End by Lindsay Ellis and Spine of the Dragon by Kevin J Anderson for physical books and listening to Clash of Kings for audiobook.

35. favorite day of the week? Monday because that is my therapy and piano lesson day, the one day a week I always consistently know what I’m doing, other days are uncertain because work schedule is different every week.

36. can you say the alphabet backwards? I can barely say it normally.

37. how do you like your coffee? Nonexistant, the smell makes me nauseous.

38. favorite pair of shoes? My new work shoes, specifically because they’re new and therefore not falling apart.

39. time you normally get up? Depends on what my work schedule is.

40. what do you prefer, sunrise or sunsets? sunset

41. how many blankets on your bed? 5? I think? If I counted right.

42. describe your kitchen plates: white

43. describe your kitchen at the moment: An island, cupboards, a stove, a dishwasher, a fridge, usually the dog is there begging for treats because she knows exactly where they are. I dunno, it’s a kitchen

44. do you have a favorite alcoholic drink? Mike’s Hard Lemonade is always good, I also like mixing Sourpuss with Sprite or ginger ale, I like both the raspberry and green apple.

45. do you play cards? No.

46. what color is your car? My parents have a white car, I am helping my boyfriend pay for his truck, he calls it our truck but it’s really his, the truck is silver

47. can you change a tire? I helped my dad change one once way back in high school, haven’t done it since, definitely don’t remember.

48. your favorite state or province? Gonna sound so Ontario-centric if I say Ontario but yeah.... But not south Ontario, specifically northwest Ontario, which really should be its own province. Manitoba’s nice too. Like I live here now but not big on South Ontario. Niagara is kinda pretty but please just send me back up north.

49. favorite job you’ve had? Honestly my current job. Like there are times that it sucks but I’ve been here over a year and the competition is housekeeping (dead body, deer skull, people getting drunk and puking all over the bathrooms) and that time I got screamed at by an alcoholic woman when I was 17 for “blowing off shifts” that I wasn’t even scheduled for when I had a throat infection and then asking for time off when my grandpa died (literally screamed at me day of) so like... yeah, McDonald’s is actually heavenly in comparison.

Tagging @autie-j and @bb8-boppity-boo

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sleepymarmot · 4 years

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The Untamed liveblog, eps. 33-38

Didn’t post a liveblog yesterday to avoid possible spoilers in the replies, so here it is now.

Before I proceed, here are my guesses as to the identity of the mysterious flute player: 1) Guangyao, the most obvious candidate 2) Xue Yang 3) idk, a new character 4) Guangyao is a red herring. The real villain is Nie Huaisang because that's funny

Relieved that WWX experienced the 16 years too. I was afraid he was regained consiousness straight from the moment of his "death" of whatever it was, so LWJ would be 16 years older with him which would have made the romance VERY awkward.

The room scene is beautiful, but one thing I particularly appreciate about it is that finally, probably for the first time in the show, these two are allowed time alone together in safety and relative privacy, and the scene can organically develop into a tender private moment that isn't for the camera to see or show.

"I must not reveal my identity" says WWX, who is dressed almost exactly like 16 years ago

Oh god I still can't tell apart the two young Lan disciples.

Switched to the subtitles from Viki. Unfortunately, they need to be resynced manually every time, and that, for some reason, messes up the file's internal subtitles. Ah well, I don't know Chinese anyway, and now the English subtitles actually say accurately what the characters call each other.

Feeling both represented by WWX's dog phobia and offended that it's a running joke

Oh "cool", another casual mention of supposedly likeable characters brutally beating their children :/

god, JC is really shitty at leading/parenting. "I'll break your leg", really?

"With my uncle's character, he would rather catch the wrong one than let the right one go." And execute the wrong one? Yikes

Wait, are you telling me NHS is a baddie for real lfmao

Aw, the fan scene is cute

Oh, so the first time we see Guangyao again is in a flashback about the mysterious death of the clan Nie leader. How convenient.

Stop! Making! Flasbacks! To the fucking Nonconsensual Alcohol scene! I am trying to ignore its existence! Why did you have to tarnish the current scene, very endearing by itself, with its presence?

Gasped IRL when Wen Ning's silhouette appeared. Good job writers!

Ouch, that looks painful

Oh, so the siblings weren't killed? That makes sense, if you pretend to spread their ashes on the wind, you don't need to show the bodies. Hopefully Qing survived too, but I wouldn’t expect much towards a female character from this series... Killed off the only two women, now we’re in No Woman’s Land comfortably and forever I presume

And here I thought WWX was actually going to apologize to Ning for treating him like a thing or a slave, now that he unexpectedly has a new opportunity to do so!

I'm assuming the chicken are a wedding gift joke?

WWX got so disctracted by the drunk LWJ he completely forgot about Ning smh

Maybe now it finally occurs to WWX to ask about his son...

Loving every look at how the common people interpret and interact with the epic history he participated in

I want to meet more of the recurring characters, but on the other hand: ghost town and WWX leading a field trip for a bunch of teenagers!

This show is too multi-faceted. I'm constantly going "This is my favorite part of the show: the sweet romance. No, this is my favorite: the ghosts and WWX being a cool necromancer. No, this is my favorite: the family drama. No, this is my favorite: clan politics. No, this is my favorite: WWX with kids." and it just keeps going in circles.

Aww, the kid thinking WWX is like LWJ because they're both competent leaders who make others feel safe*

And now it's an action movie where the hero and the villain exchange a whole spiral of "No, I outsmarted you first" and drop one-liners every minute. Hilarious

The kids watching two zombies punch each other through a window like a football match on TV, I'm crying

Kids: "Don't you think Light Bearing Lord is good?" WWX internally, with a dreamy smile on his face: "Haha what they're asking ME if I think the love of my life is 'good'? How would it even be possible to less than utterly admire someone who is so graceful, skillful, protective, just, kind, beautiful... Oh wait are they still waiting for an answer"

* Added after the episode: If this kid is actually Yuan and he feels this way because they're both his dads I'm gonna scream I WENT BACK TO EPISODE 1 AND THE SUBTITLE SAYS 'LAN YUAN'. TIME TO SCREAM I GUESS. I KNEW THIS NAME COMBINATION SOUNDED FAMILIAR Did LJW get beaten for bringing him in, then? Did he spend the first three years raising him? I checked the subtitles and the name Yuan is written with different characters but that's probably fine? I doubt LWJ ever asked WWX how his son's name was written, or even if he knew, he could have wanted to protect the kid's identity - he's Lan and not Wen, after all If this is true then WWX has the funniest and most valid excuse for being an absent father. Sorry I missed your entire childhood and adolescence, kid, I was literally dead the whole time But also, if this is true, why didn't LWJ bring it up immediately DAMMIT I WAS PLANNING TO GO TO BED AND NOW I WANT TO SEE THE FAMILY REUNION ASAP God, in the light of this, the silence spell scene in ep 2 becomes even funnier. The more I know about these characters, the better it becomes. LWJ's silent stare at JC, apparently, meant "Look how well I raised WWX's son. Must I also raise his nephew, since you are clearly unfit for the job?" Involving kids, especially other people's, in your powerplays is shitty, but the scene is fucking hilarious. Anyways if this ends up being a giant coincidence and the kid is given so much focus for no or some other reason you're NOT allowed to laugh at this paragraph

God, this feels like... idk any Celebrimbor/Annatar fanfic lmao. I'm in pain. Let me guess, people write very painful fics about these two right. Fuck. I'm 21 minutes in, is this going to last the entire episode aaaaaaa

Fuck. Well how am I supposed to sleep after this. This episode didn't even make me cry once, it's not that type of bad thing. And not the type where something is so brutal I shield my mind because I prefer to pretend that level of pain can't exist. It's just diabolically designed to be maximally fucked up.

#the untamed #blah blah blah

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sawyersick · 4 years

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all the questions for that ask game!!! (or as many as you want lol)

holy fuck bee............................. ok get red E its a Lot

1. You woke up naked next to the last person you texted, what would you say?

Idk what I would say but I probably wouldn’t be that freaked out... the last person I texted is a good friend/coworker and I trust him

2. What’s going on between you and the last person you kissed?

I uhhh can’t remember who the last person I kissed was because it was years ago but let’s assume it was my ex..... he was a toxic pos who tore me down because he had low self esteem so yeah I don’t really like him

3. If your boyfriend or girlfriend was into drugs, would you care?

I would be upset if it was anything more than weed or the ocassional drink or if it was a full blown addiction and I would be mad if they didn’t tell me on principle...

Also I would not be very comfortable if they did it around me because I’m a weenie despite hanging out in hardcore punk groups...... also I can’t stomach the smell of cigarettes im sorry

4. Is your last name longer than six letters?

nope!

5. Was your last kiss drunk or sober?

sober, I don’t drink

6. Have you ever wanted to have someone but you messed it up?

like..... as a significant other? I guess. I’m pretty bad at telling my feelings to people and I’m kinda clingy when I like someone. idk if I’ve ever *explicitly* messed it up tho

7. What does your last received text say?

“sick” and then the sparkly heart emoji five times

8. How many times have you kissed the last person you kissed?

lots and lots and lots.... unfortunately. we were together for a year and a half

9. Where was your last kiss at?

fuck bitch I don’t remember.............. school? my house? his house? the pool??? man the last five months of that relationship were affection-less

10. When is the last time you saw your sister?

I don’t have one!

11. What do you drink in the morning?

water and sometimes tea

12. Where did you sleep last night?

the car and then my bed when I got home

13. Do you think relationships are hard?

I mean everything takes effort... I don’t find it hard to do things for people in my relationships but I get frustrated when it isn’t reciprocated and I burn out

14. If you could go back and change something in the past 5 months, would you?

nah

15. You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, any problems?

yes....................... many..........................

16. Would you rather it be sunny or rainy?

I TRIED to be a good emo and like the rain but tbh I get really reasonally depressive so I prefer the sun 100%

17. Do you know anyone with the same middle name as you?

nope!

18. Are you wearing jeans,sweatpants,or pajama pants?

jeans!

19. Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 years from now?

hopefully!! I met this real cute punk boy last night

20. Does anyone like you?

HA I doubt it......... I usually come off as the little sister type to most people

21. Have you ever kissed someone with a name that starts with an S?

nope!

22. Is the last person you kissed gay?

probably

I suspected that he had internalized homophobia but also he was weirdly transphobic to me so I dropped it and pretended to be a cis girl around him which is weird because I think he liked boys??????????????????

23. Is there a person you CANNOT stand?

YES this girl from high school who talked about tentacle porn to school admins for no reason and did lots of other weird shit

24. Have you ever considered getting a tattoo?

yes! I have a whale on my hip and I want to get tiny scissors on my arm soon

25. In the past week have you cried?

yes I watched queer eye and a disney movie lol

26. What breed was the last dog you saw?

I follow like 12 samoyeds on instagram but the last dog I saw irl was this ADORABLE black lab who was a service dog and he rested his head on his human’s lap when she sat down in the library and I wanted to cry

27. Do you dry off in the shower or out of the shower?

I have a towel hanging right out side the shower so I grab it, then step out of the shower

28. Have you ever kissed a football player?

hm idk I think so? I definitely kissed a guy who played tennis but he forced it on me so I don’t count it

29. Do you think you’re old?

yes because I hate tiktok

30. Do you like text messaging?

I don’t mind it!! The service at my house sucks tho so I prefer cloud based texting like instagram or facebook messenger

31. What type of day are you having?

A good but slow one! I had a really good night last night so I’m just resting now

32. Have you ever thought about getting your nose pierced?

I’d honestly rather get snake bites if I were to get a piercing but in general I’m afraid of facial piercings

33. Do you prefer warm or cold weather?

warm! then I can head down to the lake :)

34. Is there a person of the opposite sex who means a lot to you?

yes! he’s one of my best friends and I talk to him every day and he lives in scotland and I’d like to meet him one day

35. Would you prefer a relationship or a fling?

relationship! Flings personally make me feel icky and I’m over that

36. Are you a simple or complicated person?

I’d like to think I’m complicated but I’m a simple man..................... you show me whale, I like

37. What song are you listening to?

any song by Liily, all day every day

38. When you say you’re sorry do you mean it?

yes! I perpetually feel bad about everything!!!!!!39. Is there a girl that knows everything or almost everything about you?

there was! but not anymore because she ghosted me for no reason40. What made you start liking the person you like now?

This person is so cute and kind and creative and nice and sweet and fashionable!!!! and fun to mosh with!!!!!41. When did you last receive a text message?

half an hour ago ish???42. What is wrong with you right now?

I am constantly depressed and there’s nothing I can do about it exceot keep myself insanely busy but that means there’s no breather for me and also I probably have adhd but can’t afford a therapist43. How well do you know the last female you texted?

FeMaLe dude just say chick

pretty well! I like her favourite band and we talk like once a week at the very least44. Does anyone disgust you?

yes my ex was very nasty and tore people down to his level and also this one person from high school who fucked over my friends 45. Would you date someone right now if they asked?

depends on who.... eye emoji............. but probably yes I have low standards46. Are you in a good mood right now?

yes!47. Who was the last person you talked to in person?

my parents? but other than that it was thanking Nick from the band Unpopular Opinion for the lovely tabling opportunity last night48. What color shirt are you wearing?

white T shirt with a cat pink sweater with a cat49. Has someone recently told you something you didn’t want to hear?

yes one of my parents says nasty things when in a bad mood50. Anyone you’re giving up on?

yes my former best friend who ghosted me and this girl who keeps flaking on plans with me and also a boy who got mixed up in weird drama with me and his ex that I never wanted to be a part of51. Do you hate the person you fell hardest for?

I’ve never really falen hard for anyone, just periods of obsession. I guess I’m waiting for that one sPeCiAl sOmEoNe

52. Have you ever thought about giving up on someone but couldn’t?

yes, but I’ll settle for waiting53. Do you like rain?

a little of it!54. Do you care if your boyfriend/girlfriend drinks?

I’d rather they not be a alcholoic because I had a raging drunk coworker who scared the shit out of me once but I guess I’d be okay with the ocasional drink/drunk night as long as they’re safe55. Have you ever liked somebody and never told them?

So many times... I keep my mouth shut because it would never work for one reason or another...... also I’m so SICK of having to make the move all the time I just want to be fawned over I’ve never had anyone do ANYTHING romantic for me 56. Do you like to cuddle?

.......................yes57. Are you shy?

not normally! I LOVE being social but in relationships yeah because I’m insecure58. Do you get along with girls?

yes? girls who don’t get along with girls are lame...... lift each other up don’t tear yaselves down59. Have you dated the person you texted last?

nope! But I’ll admit I thought about it haha60. What do you carry with you at all times?

chapstick, money, and pepper spray

ya boy don’t mess around61. If you were paid 1 million dollars to spend the night in a supposed haunted house, would you?

depends on the haunted levels, as long as the “ghost” would only watch/appear and not scream or whatever or try to make contact I guess that would be fine? but if It tries to disturb me I’m yeeting mysef the fuck outta here because ya boy needs uninterrupted beauty rest62. Do you think you can last in a relationship for five months?

yep! I dragged one out for a year and a half when I really should have ended things much sooner than that63. Think back to October, were you in a relationship?

nope! Been single for around two years now64. The person you like kisses you on the forehead, do you find this cute?

YES HOLY SHIT65. Did anything “cute” happen in the last week?

I fired some pieces in my pottery class! my mugs and bowls came out so well

and I met the cutest punk boy last night!!!!!! he’s so cute and very my type and I got to dance with him in the mosh pit!!!!!!!!!! tell me that’s not the cutest punk thing ever

66. How old are the last three people you kissed?

19, 18(17???), and 21

67. Would you rather pay to get your nails done or do them yourself?

I’ve only gotten them done once! It was very enjoyable but I’m a cheapskate so I’d probably rather do them myself68. Which do you like better- Zebra print or leopard print?

leopard print I guess69. Do you have any stickers on your car?

one! A turtle from the Maui Ocean Center. I’d like to add a few more sea-related ones and maybe a totoro I bought at a con a few years back70. Would you rather listen to Luke Bryan or Lil Wayne?

literally who the fuck even are these people71. Blackberry, Android, or iPhone?

android 4 lyfe72. When’s the last time you had pizza from Pizza Hut?

never? my DnD group would get round table or little caesars73. Do you like diet soda?

I guess? I like it the same as diet soda74. What color are the walls in your room?

one purple wall and the other three are pastel mint75. Are you 16 or older?

yeah baybee76. Do you watch Pretty Little Liars?

nope 77. Do you have a job?

yep! I’m a windsurfing instructor 78. What are your initials?

ZSKMTS

but usually I go by SS79. Did you ever have braces?

nope! I’ve got near-perfect teeth :D80. Are you from the south?

nope!

81. What does your last status on facebook say?

I talked about meeting my favourite band again!82. Do you still talk to the first person you ever kissed?

no because he forced himself on me when we were young and I think he remembers and is ashamed and also doesn’t live near me anymore 83. Are you closer to your mom or your dad?

idk, I’m close but not in different ways with both of them84. Have you ever done cheerleading or gymnastics?

I was really good at the tumbling unit in 6th grade85. What’s the last movie you saw in theaters?

Once Upon a Time in Hollywood? I don’t go to the movies much 86. Do you smoke?

no the smell of cigarettes makes me want to vomit87. Would you rather wear heels or flip flops?

I love heels but I LIVE in flip flops bc california88. Is your phone touch screen?

yes???? damn when was this ask game made89. Do you normally wear your hair straight or curly?

straight.......... I’m too lazy to curl it 90. Have you ever snuck out of your house?

nope! I’m a weenie 91. Would you rather swim in a river, lake, or pool?

the ocean!!!!!!!! But I guess a pool bc I’m afraid of the flesh eating bacteria in freshwater lakes92. Have you ever made out in a car?

no but I HAVE made out on some random person’s lawn lmao93. …Had sex in a car?

no I’m a virgin 94. Are you single or in a relationship?

single pringle who loves to mingle 95. What were you doing last night at midnight?

selling my art and listening to cool bands and dancing with cute punk people!!!96. When’s the last time you saw fireworks?

the day after the fourth of July 97. Do you like the camera on your phone?

yes! I just got a new phone and the camera is way better than my old one

the low lighting setting is c r i s p 98. Have you ever had a friend with benefits?

I made out with this one friend of mine like twice and then I never did it again bc I felt icky 99. Have you ever passed out from drinking?

no I don’t drink100. Are you friends with people on facebook that you actually hate?

NAH BRO YOU GOTTA UNFRIEND THE FUCK OUTTA THEM NO RAGRETS 101. Have you ever had a pregnancy scare?

nope I’m a virgin102. Name your favorite Kesha song:

Liily? did you mean Liily???? my favourite Liily song is Wash, Toro, or The Weather103. Do you have any tan lines right now?

yeah one from the ring I wear every day and like a shorts tan from summer104. Would you ever wear cowboy boots with shorts?

hell yeah but ONLY if the cowboy boots are bright red or hot pink no exceptions

#long post #ask #bumbleberrybee

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shiorita · 5 years

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The 100, 601,

I need to write about some stuff, but today I watched the 601 so, let's go first with the review. I'm going to play it again not to forget anything, so this is going to be chronological. (They are 43 points).

1) The 100 intros are one of my favorites ones among tv shows. They tell us a lot of information with it, practically every place they are gonna visit and on which characters they are going to focus. This one is also refreshing because we stop watching the same places we already know (Polis, Arkadia, Allie laboratory, etc.) It's nice to see new locations. About characters, they put Shanon Kook and Henry Ian Cusin on credits, so I guess Kane is going to appear again. And they are going to focus on Jordan! YAY! (I miss Mondy and Harper already).

2) Raven being a bitch part.1. (I address to this later, but let me express my thoughts during the episode). You kept your humanity because of people around you were eager to risk their souls from maintaining intact yours. I'm not sorry for not forget that Finn went to jail and send to the ground to die because you wanted to spacewalker even when you know that the lack of air kills people in the ark.

3) Zaven. Just because. Ok. Whatever.

4) Jordan. Jordan tries to be attentive to everyone on the ship. I loved that Marper used Clarke's parenting book so he knows the good things about everyone and he's not prejudging. I think every time I see Jordan, I'm going to scream internally: Give me Monty and Harper back! I miss them! Also, I can't wait to see his face when he eats something that wasn't an alga. It'll be marvelous!

5) Emori, nobody asked you! Clarke wasn't even interested in talking with you guys, so leave her alone. Moreover, you accused a random guy of torture you, so they try radiation on him because you were scared, and I pretty sure that if the guy wasn't there, nobody touched you because Murphy was on your side and Clarke would be on Murphy's. I get you were scared but so was Clarke, so back off.

6) Echo is cool. My Bellarke heart hurts because of Echo sides with Clarke.

7) Bellamy's face when Clarke comments about him putting O on coma shows guilt. Interesting.

8) Abby looked at Jordan as he was a magician. Who's the 100 deus ex machina? Of course, it's the purest and impossible to forget Monty Green.

9) Echo being cool, part. 2 (I trust Monty)

10) Bellamy is now the leader, and it's kind of funny because he already agreed with Clarke to go down and check the planet, but since Echo agrees with that too he decides to send everyone down.

11)Raven being a bitch, part 2. Ok, girl, it sounds you are on the defensive.

12) Bellamy-I-am-your-father, part 1. (You stay with the kids until you know how to behave appropriately)

13) ECHO! I love this girl. She doesn't even care that Octavia hates her. She wants Octavia being near Bellamy. She called Octavia "one of their best warriors," and she's damn right but also she's brave because, well, yeah, Octavia has a right to hate her. (Echo being cool, part 3)

14) What do you mean late, honey? Because I think Echo is not thinking about surviving but forgiveness. She doesn't want Bellamy dies before he could get on terms with his sister. Love this girl.

15) Miller! I was mad at you last season, but it says a lot about you to say sorry to Bellamy. He forgives you because I think it's easy for him to blame Octavia for everything (ey, Octavia used to do precisely the same. I don't know why it's easy for Blake siblings to blame each other. I guess because at the bottom of their hearts they know they are always there while if they get mad with other people, they lose them).

16) I saw many gifs that show how Bellamy and Clarke look to each other while they descend to Alpha, but I think all of them are looking at Zach like: save us, please! Not the Bellarke moment I was waiting for.

17) I got that feeling from gifs, and there is it again: Echo rolls her eyes while Clarke talks to Bellamy. I'm sure she knows about their story, but it can help. How the hell is she not going to fall in love with Bellamy?

18) I thought the "he'll come around" goes for Murphy. I don't mind if Zach doesn't come around. I don't care what he thinks about Clarke at all.

19) Has anyone anything better than "we're back, bitches"? Thank you, Monty.

20) Raven, if you want to forgive Abby, do it. If you don't want, don't. But using her guilt to make you feel better because you expect her to disappoint you, it's not healthy, and it's going to solve anything. I get you are mad, but you have been upset since your first appearance, so it's up to you.

21) Octavia and her little tear. Where's my brother? (So many parallels with these two I can't wait for a Blake hug)

22) Emori, Bellamy and Clarke's faces when they see Murphy is okay. They're going to kill him one day.

23) It's sweet how Bellamy looks at Echo like "do you want to go to the lake" and she is like "no." They remind me of Finn pulled Clarke to the first lake the delinquents found in their first trip.

24) Jackson and his "oh my god. We are aliens" was priceless. If only he could spend time with Monty, the two couples could have a good time together. I suddenly remember how well Miller and Harper got on. And now she's gone, and Miller can't repair the damage. Poor kid.

25) When you realize how poor your choices were, you can be honest about yourself and try to be a better person. I'm not talking about forgiving yourself but not being a jerk to anyone. If Miller did, the rest could do it.

26) I think the forgiveness thing is not a Bellarke thing anymore. Not only because it's the main reason Becho begins but because everyone needs that. They need to learn how to forgive others if they want to be able to a)forgive themselves and b) be happy. So, guys, if you need forgiveness, it's okay, I give it for you!

27) Yours too, Murphy! Clarke is kind of tired of your shit. Just give her a moment or leave her alone. By the way, I want my sarcastic Clarke to come back. I still remember how bad as she was in the first season when she didn't weight the future of the human race on her shoulders.

28) I love to see how they grow up. Like, they are not these bunch of kids that are sent to the Earth to survive (or not). Like, they are prepared for everything. It also reminds me at the beginning of the second season, when they are ready for the poison smoke.

29) And of course, Clarke has to jump into the danger to save Zach. Do you want acts? They there are. At least you can say thank you. But okay, you open the Raven's development arc. May we meet again.

30) Raven, honey, what's it come from? If you don't want to be near Abby, don't interfere in her business. It's simple. Stay away. The fact you go on and on, it's because you want to hit where it hurts. And that's not only self-destructive, but it also makes people around you leave you.

31) Talking about people who like to hit where it hurts. I like Miller is on Clarke's side.

32) I loved Emori's face when Bellamy said he trusts on her on being a pilot.

33) I want a spin-off about Becca.

34) It's kind of weird to see them dealing with a civilized place, not just forest and ruins.

35) Hello, kleptomania.

36) I still remember the lesson Jaha gave to Octavia. He explained everything so well that it makes "easy" to forgive him. But yeah, she's kind of right about Kane and Abby. They chose to hide behind the rulers (Jaha, Octavia) to make their own treaties with the enemy but when they were their own enemies (on the bunker, on the ark), they forgot about their responsibilities even when they were the ones the rulers chose to trust on the most. I get Octavia's fury, and I like to see that she does not enjoy seeing Kane suffers and tosses blood. By the way, I think she burnt the farm because the perspective to spend another day in the bunker was making her sick. She understood how hard was for everyone to survive, so she took the responsibility (My sister, my responsibility; I bear it, so they don't have to) and blamed, if and when Wonkru could leave the damn bunker. If Kane and Abby can forgive Clarke, Bellamy, and Jaha, the hell they can't forgive Octavia.

37) Raven is waiting for Abby to disappoint her (at this moment, I can't think that it's a disappointment. You girl want Abby to be an addicted again, only to make yourself feel better. I leave you to figure out what's your problem. And... Abby decides to be done with Octavia and Raven's shit and stand for herself. "Never again" Or what you want to think about me, it's up to you, I'm done.

38) Knocking On Heavens Door is on the playlist. Murphy! Sing that song!

39) Murphy singing was priceless. It remains me that time, in Bellamy's all-terrain, when Monty and Jasper were still alive, and Bellamy and Miller were also there, and they only sing. The beginning of season 3. One of the few moments I saw them enjoying being alive.

40) People who live here left everything so well that it seems they were waiting for someone to appear and survive for its visit. Just in case. Where the hell are they?

41) Bellaaaaaaaaaaaarke. Ok. Calm down. So, he said the I'm sorry, and I love how Clarke panicked when she realizes that he knows and he can judge her. I think she realizes that she was in love with Bellamy at the end of season 5 so she's not ready to confront him yet. And I guess he always believed that his love was a one-sided one, so she will never like him as he likes her, even they are very good friends. So they try to be cool to each other but... it can't help it. They're flirting. As in the Unity day episode.

She is the only one he could talk about Octavia, the one he could trust in being this hurt brother who still loves his sister. I wish Octavia would've (go to school). He speaks to Clarke about Octavia in a softer way than he did with Echo because only Clarke had seen him trying to approach his sister uncountable times before. "She'll come around," Clarke said, and she was right, but now Bellamy feels that if he did things in another way, his sister would never become who she is now. He thinks that part of her dark development is on his fault and he only wants to admit it with Clarke.

42) Bellamy calls Echo to show her the book, and he gives it to Clarke. Suddenly he forgets about Echo being there... I understand why Echo crosses her arms, which it's usually a sign of protection or defensiveness.

43) Clarke is the first one to realize Emori is attacking Murphy and she runs toward him. Guys, you don't deserve that girl.

Conclusions? I think we are going to see a development for Raven, who, by the way, has sex in the first part of the episode and has a blood test in the second part, and I watch so many tv shows to understand that as... is she going to be pregnant? Because if it's true, well, finally, her love life is not going to disappear because an actor signed a contract and she might understand how it was for Clarke when they put Madi on risk.

Who the hell took their ships? The good news, at least for Echo, is Octavia is already wake so she can defend everyone.

I completely in if the season is about characters talking about each other. These people need lots of psychological treatments. They need professional help. Why are there only three doctors in the damn place? Why don't they train anyone? What would happen if Clarke, Abby or Jackson disappear? At least Monty taught Jordan to be an engineer.

See you next week. I still want to talk about other stuff, but I've been writing this post along an hour, and I need a break (Also, English is not my native language, so it's kind of tiring)

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books-and-birds · 5 years

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all the even #s

Hey, thanks Anon! I love talking about myself. This is gonna take a while...

2. A picture of me

I’m technology incompetent so ill try upload that after this

4. Last time I cried and why

Yikes! 2 weeks ago because I didn’t do so well on my math class this semester and I hate feeling like a failure

6. Favorite band

Dawes. Theyre kind of folk kind of rock and its my main driving jam

10. Biggest turn ons:

fuck.. um... girls? Anything girls do? when a girl looks at me??? Good shit

12. Ideas of a perfect date

Picture this: Its raining outside. We’re both in pajamas. We make hot cups of tea and cuddle into bed under fluffy blankets and watch a movie together. Its supposed to rain all day, we have nowhere to go. We cuddle. You let me be the big spoon,

14. Piercings I want

I already have my nose and two on my ear, I don’t really want anything else. I went with my friend over winter break to get her nipples pierced and it looked really not comfy

16. Favorite Movie

Depends on the day. Life of Pi, RENT, Dead Poets Society, All the Star Wars except Phantom Menace, I just saw into the spider verse and that was pretty fucking rad.

18. Phobia

Dirty band-aids in swimming pools. NOPE.

20. Height

5′8′’. Small for my family of goddamn giants

22. Shoe size

Womans 8 1/2, mens 7

24. Do you smoke, drink, or take any drugs?

Only socially

26. Whats one thing you regret?

Not being more aware of the impact of my words at a younger age. Not apologizing when I had the chance. Not trying harder to stay in touch.

28. Favorite ice cream

TUMBLR DON’T HATE ME BUT I DON’T LIKE ICE CREAM

30. What does your last text message say?

Its me threatening my friend that I get the naming rights if he accidentally gets this girl he’s seeing pregnant. And I have name ideas to get this kid bullied his whole life through.

32. Have you ever painted your room?

Pepto Bismol Pink. Middle school was a TIME

34. Have you ever slept naked?

In the summer? Almost nightly. This actually led to a super weird interaction with a surprise visitor to my room recently. Good story/

36. Have you ever had a crush?

Right now my dude

38. Have you ever stole money from a friend?

40. Have you ever been in a fist fight?

Define fist fight. Maybe?

42. Have you ever had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back?

Ouch, classic lesbian experience. That’s a yes.

44. Have you ever made out with a stranger?

Yep. At a music festival. It was a dude actually, I guess everybody goes through a straight phase in college, huh?

46. Have you ever left your house without telling your parents?

What, like sneaking out? I never had to. MY parents were super relaxed about that sort of thing. They let me have my own life. I’m also a middle child in a huge family, they couldn’t keep an eye on all of us.

48. Have you ever ditched school to do something more fun?

My friends and I had like 25 senior skip days our senior year. One time I had skipped school but my little sister called me asking to drop off a math textbook so I walked into school in flip flops and board shorts and looked the secretary in the eye and told her I was dropping this off. She knew I went there. She said nothing.

50. Have you ever seen someone die?

yes

52. Have you ever kissed a pictue

Does it make it weirder if I say it was a picture of a horse?

54. Have you ever loved someone or miss someone right now?

I’m missing all my college friends right now. I feel like I can be a more open, authentic version of myself around them.

56. Have you ever made a snow angel?

My whole childhood. New York, baby!

58. Have you ever cheated while playing a game?

Have you ever been a child? Of course.

60. Have you ever fallen asleep at work/school?

Yes to both. But actually I work at a school so double yes to the first one.

62. Have you ever felt an earthquake?

No but thats like a weird childhood fear of mine. What do you even do in an earthquake? Are you really supposed to take cover under a desk or is that just a weird thing they teach in elementary school?

64. Have you ever ran a red light?

Multiple times. All accidental. I scream the whole time like a fucking pterodactyl

66. Ever had a detention?

Once. Totally deserved it.

68. Ever hated the way you looked?

Who doesn’t from time to time? Most of the time I’m pretty comfortable in my skin and it took me a long time to get this way.

70. Have you ever pole danced?

Took a trial class with some friends once. I sucked!

72. Have you ever been to the opposite side of the country?

Yup! Its wonderful, maybe i’ll even live out there some day. I know its not the opposite side of the country per say, but Arizona has a pretty special place in my heart.

74. Have you ever cried yourself to sleep?

Nope. When I’m that sad i’m too much of an attention whore to go cry by myself.

76. Have you ever done something you told yourself you wouldn’t?

Who hasn’t? I’m not exactly the same person 16 year old me had hoped I would turn out to be, but I wouldn’t change a thing either. I love who I am now, mistakes and all.

78. Have you ever slept with someone at least 5 years older or younger?

79. Have you ever kissed in the rain?

Yup. Not romantic at all. Very wet. 0/10

82. Have you ever had a dream that you married someone?

Multiple times. If i crush on someone too hard I inevitable have this dream.

84. Have you ever got your tongue stuck to a flag pole?

It was a light pole

86. Have you ever been a cheerleader?

No, but once I got dressed up as our opposing teams mascot and had to sword fight our high school’s mascot and lose on purpose.

88. Have you ever brushed your teeth?

What would you do if I said no? How would you react to that, huh? Would you really want to know? What would you do with that information?? Think before you ask.

90. Have you ever played chicken?

On peoples backs, just straight up running at them, and on a horse! I won two out of three of these. I got a concussion from the other one. Guess which one.

92. Have you ever been told you're hot by a complete stranger?

Yes but it was a drunk girl so it was a genuine complement. Same girl later threw up on my front lawn, so you win some you lose some I guess.

94. Have you ever been easily amused?

Every damn day of my life. My friends describe me as pathologically optimistic.

96. Have you ever mooned/flashed somone?

Lets just say I've been to New Orleans and I’ve earned my beads on Bourbon street.

98. Have you ever forgotten someone’s name?

Have I ever remembered someones name? Who are you? Who am I?

100. Give us one thing about you that no one knows

I am the director of a Ballroom Dance team at my college but I don’t know how to do the International Tango. :{

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bite-off-everyones-heads-blog · 5 years

Text

Answer the following questions in-character.

Then tag three people. Feel free to add some questions of your own. TAGGED BY: Stolen from myself and then left in my drafts for months. TAGGING: Whomever

1) WHAT GENDER ARE YOU?

“Male. For both of us, I think.”

2) WHAT IS YOUR AGE?

“Thirty three. No idea how old V is.” “Age is irrelevant.”

3) DO YOU WANT A HUG?

“...Uh... Heh...”

4) DO YOU HAVE ANY BAD HABITS?

“God knows, too many...” “Bitch, I’m perfect.”

5) WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE FOOD?

“Tater tots, chocolate and human flesh.” “I like the first two. But I’m always down for an american cheeseburger!”

6) WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM FLAVOR?

“We both like chocolate.”

7) ARE YOU A VIRGIN?

“Nope.”

8) HAVE YOU KILLED ANYONE?

“I mean by myself… No but V...”

“Bullshit you basically fed me a couple of guys! Changing after you’d already grabbed him and already opening your mouth! That was all you Eddie!”

9) DO YOU HATE ANYONE?

“Nobody currently alive, but there was this one asshole high schooler who took the last Reeses cup from a store last time we visited New York and… I dunno I had a bad feeling about that kid.“ "I liked him! He smelled strong!”

10) DO YOU HAVE ANY SECRETS?

“Yeah cuz the fuckin bug up my ass is public knowledge.”

11) WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SEASON?

“Not winter.”

12) WHO ARE YOUR BEST FRIEND(S)?

“I got everyone I need right here.”

“…Scream was pretty cool. Too bad they died. I’m lucky to have Eddie though!”

13) WHAT ARE YOUR HOBBIES?

“I mostly just listen to music. Work out, watch movies. Can’t go to any concerts, too loud but I keep busy.“ "He literally never stops masturbating!” “Okay that is NOT true!” “But they won’t know that.” “Ugh… Ignore him. He’s an asshole.”

14) WHEN IS YOUR BIRTHDAY?

“January 21st for me. I dunno if the Other even knows his Birthday.“

15) ARE YOU NICE OR MEAN?

“Yeah we both have our asshole moments…”

16) ARE YOU SOCIAL OR SHY?

“A social lifestyle disagrees with us.”

17) WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR PARENTS?

“My Dad was an asshole. I never knew my Mom.“

"My species reproduces asexually and I never caught the name of who spawned me.”

18) WHAT’S YOUR WEAKNESS?

“We do not like loud noises or fire”

“Heights and social situations.”

19) HOW LONG CAN YOU STAY UNDER WATER?

“We do not need to breathe and we like the water! We can stay under as long as we please! Even with Eddie inside us!”

20) WHAT DO YOU DO ON A REGULAR DAY BASIS?

“Interviews, editing, that kinda shit. My job. But I’ll put on a movie or something or maybe do some reps if I’ve got time.”

“Vore.”

“What the hell is vore?”

“Google it!”

21) DO YOU LOVE SOMEONE?

“I still got a bit of a thing for Anne but, if she’s happy, she’s happy and Dans a decent guy.“

"Fuck Dan! We will win her back!” “We’ve got each other, though.”

22) EVER WORN A DRESS?

“I have not.”

23) WHAT DO YOU CONSIDER FUN IN THE DAY TIME?

“There’s a nice quiet little greasy spoon that serves the biggest gyros pita I’ve ever seen nearby. It’s good. Otherwise, I dunno sleep.”

“I want to go inside the McDonalds playplace! But Eddie says no, we’re too big he says, it’ll look weird he says. Bullshit! I like to give Eddie good advice when I can’t come out.”

“You tell me to kill people!”

“Good advice.”

24) AT NIGHT?

“Exploring the city, eating bad people!”

25) EVER KISSED ANYONE?

“Yeah.“

26) …OF THE SAME GENDER?

“Yeah.”

27) WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE THING TO TOUCH?

“My bed.“

"Eddie. I don’t like being out of him.”

28) ANYONE LOVE YOU?

“Eddie!”

“What?”

“Eddie!!”

“You know I��m listeni-”

“I love you.”

“I love you too, ya little shit.”

29) WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE COLOR?

“That’s a stupid question!”

30) WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?

“I dunno?“

"This morning, internally when he had to get up for work.”

31) DO YOU HAVE A PET?

“I’m not a fucking pet!” “He’d eat it if I had one.” “I want a cat!”

32) WHAT’S YOUR NICKNAME?

“We don’t really have any.”

33) DO YOU CONSIDER YOURSELF A HAPPY OR A DOWN PERSON?

“I’m pretty upbeat. Life hurts, but no real reason to be miserable.”

34) IF YOU WERE A SUPERHERO, YOU’D BE…?

“I kinda am?” “No, we are not! What we are is hungry.”

35) WHAT IS YOUR CURRENT OCCUPATION?

“Reporter.” “Cryptid.”

36) WHO DO YOU KNOW THAT BUGS YOU?

“Riot was an asshole and deserved to burn to death!” “I didn’t like Drake. Also, had to interview this one jackass in prison. Real creep.”

37) WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE SONG?

“Strangers in the Night, by Frank Sinatra. Can’t beat Sinatra, man.” “We’re more of a Morissey Fan...”

38) DO YOU CONSIDER YOURSELF A WARRIOR?

“I was born and bred to be a warrior... Combat is my specialty. I wasn’t very good at it, but it was my specialty.”

39) EVER THINK ABOUT GETTING MARRIED?

“Yeah... I was even engaged once.” “We’re basically already married.”

40) HAVE YOU EVER HAD A SLEEPOVER WITH SOMEONE OF THE OPPOSITE SEX?

“Yes.” “We have no sex or gender.”

41) DO YOU HAVE ANY PIERCINGS ANYWHERE?

“Don’t need any.”

42) ARE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?

“My Dad. What an asshole.”

#Voice In My Head|Musings #Tater Tots and Chocolate|Headcanons

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chofitia · 6 years

Text

Let’s Experience Guardian, Ep. 1

Why am I doing this? (I mean, besides because @jukeboxhound watched it)

Well, I mentioned that I was going to liveblog, so liveblog I shall. I’m starting at the beginning, and when I get to the end, I’ll stop. No real schedule for this; it’s a matter of how many spoons I have left at the time.

Okay. Here we go.

(2:05) Ah. MacGuffins. So, like, the opening’s a bunch of scenes from the series. I know that it’ll make more sense as I go on, but... not right now.

(4:02) Oh, a prologue. I understand it, but... um... why? Also, I can’t help but snicker at the name “Seastar.” Thanks bunches, Love Nikki.

(4:11) Okay, real talk, if there isn’t a Gladnis AU based on this show by the end of October...

(4:37) Not!Ignis is referring to Fermi’s Paradox? And... introducing a conspiracy theory?

(4:59) And totally not because you’re a 1000+ year-old space elf or whatever and probably call projectors “electrical magic lanterns” or some shit. Is... Li Qian all right? Is she under not!Ignis’s thrall or something?

(5:41) Nope, that’s not foreshadowing.

(5:55) For real though, is Li Qian under not!Ignis Shen Wei’s thrall?

(7:00) Totally not foreshadowing.

(7:01) (Insert “Somnus” here.)

(7:30) Number 4. Of course the paranormal agency is at Number 4. But... who’d actually assign the lot that number?

(8:02) I wonder if he’s important?

(8:23) So, Guo’s our newb POV character, so that we can get to know the crew.

(8:26) Is this the set of The Librarians?

(9:08) So he is the newb POV character. I swear, if it turns out he’s got some sort of OD crap...

(9:52) Oh, hey, a naga. Though... why would she be wearing a cold shoulder top if she’s cold...?

(10:00) Okay, shapeshifting cat.

(10:16) Saiyan? They went there?

(10:47) Oh, so that’s the techie. And she’s a ghost. Cool, cool.

(11:04) For real, is she drugged or something?

(11:20) Um... okay. Foreshadowing that she’s important.

(12:02) Ah. So his OD-ness is because of nepotism.

(12:22) Dragon City? Really? Does it sound cooler in Chinese?

(12:35) If this were a shoujo manga, that shit would’ve gotten some sparkles.

(12:52) So, are we doing “There is no Division Six”?

(13:00) Okay, we’re not. Oh, and could someone who knows Chinese confirm that Zhao’s doing something like the “onee-san” vs “obaa-san” thing? Thanks.

(13:25) “Who wants to talk about mur~ders~?”

(14:02) Oh, my God, Zhao’s sarcastic flattery gives me life.

(15:40) Finally.

(15:59) Seriously, FFXV Modder Community, please put this shit on Ignis yesterday.

(17:14) Um, Shen Wei? Stop obviously pining. Also, I bet you could pinpoint the exact second that his hopes flared up and then died when Zhao said his name.

(17:46) Seriously, is this a thrall?

(20:00) Dude, if that was flirting...

(20:41) Somebody’s ly~ing~

(21:35) You know, “I know all about this and you know all about that“ is a pretty standard trope for Brotherhood-era Gladnis. Just saying.

(21:42) That’s not flirting. Nope. Certainly not.

(22:38) WTF.

(23:10) Oh, God.

(24:02) A Mystery Box and the hell is that?

(24:09) And now you’ve gone and made it mad.

(24:33) CHAOZU111!!!

(24:50) Question: If he can fight, why not fight it directly? Is not!Chaozu special?

(25:30) Which MacGuffin is in the box?

(25:56) That’s... not exactly what a scapegoat is... Unless she really did do something wrong and it’s foreshadowing?

(26:18) Oh, God.

(26:37) Shen Wei, stop being creepy.

(26:45) That. Hair.

(27:42) Uh, Li Qian? What are you doing with that?

(28:48) This troll

(29:34) This would be a set-up for a Chance Encounter, but this isn’t that kind of show.

(30:00) Ah. Does she have a Mysterious Disease?

(30:10) MODDERS. GET ON THIS OUTFIT, TOO.

(30:57) Yeah. Let’s go with that.

(31:00) Oh, fuck.

(31:10) What? That’s... not... good... educational... practice...

(34:14) Shen Wei is internally screaming, isn’t he?

(35:45) Zhao would be externally screaming, but that’s not his character archetype at all.

(35:50) Again?

(36:00) Oh, hi, MacGuffin.

(36:25) Shen Wei, please stop being creepy.

(36:47) Is he going to get a download from this?

(37:21) Uh, that thing is a shadow. Closing the door is not going to work.

(37:25) Of course you don’t. Do they fry near you, a la Harry Dresden, I wonder?

(37:50) Is the shadow-thing doing Vincent Valentine cosplay?

(38:00) God damn it, I hate being right (No, I don’t. Ask anyone.) Though... I expected it to just slide in under the gap between the floor and the door.

(38:50) What? Oh, and there goes MacGuffin.

(39:00) Okay, so he can fight it without Chaozu.

(39:38) Wow, that was resolved quickly.

(39:47) (Insert “Nox Divina” here.)

(39:54) That’s... Starscourge? I was just joking around with all of the FFXV shit...

(39:57) Thunder Grandpa!

(40:04) Oh, never mind. Ice. Wow, that black on black embroidery is so Extra. I love it.

(40:51) I wonder who you are. Really, I do.

(41:22) Shut up and let the grown-ups talk (Also a Gladnis staple, by the way...)

(42:21) So... time stopped?

(42:55) Yeah. About that...

#let's experience guardian #guardian

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video-game-imagines · 6 years

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925+ Followers *Internally Screaming*

Holy moly, you guys!! I hit over 900 followers the other day which I know for some blogs is nothing but I’m dying over here! I have literally no idea what I did to deserve all of you but you’re here and I’m so thankful! Considering I had such a long hiatus due to personal matters I didn’t think I would make it to this point but damn! We’re here! So, being so close to 1,000 followers deserves some kind of celebration because I love you all so much!

So, I know I’ve done it before but I’ll bring it back if you guys are interested... I’m talking about match ups and love letters! Basically what I need from you, my lovelies, is simple. I need a brief description of you physically (if you desire) and your personality. (What are you like? What are your hobbies? What do you enjoy/love? Etc.)

For match ups: Please include 1-3 of your favorite video game series, you’re preferred pronouns, and preferred gender of your partner.

For Love Letters: Please include the character that you would like to receive a letter from. And include your name/nickname for a personal touch. Pronoun preference isn’t necessary but you can include it if you’d like.

This can be done anonymously or not it’s up to you. ;)

Also, I saw a cute idea in a post, I don’t remember where I saw it. My apologies to the OP but it was an idea for short 500-1000 word drabbles based off of specific song lyrics. So, below the cut I’ve written up some song lyrics that are angsty or fluffy. Idea being that you choose 2 characters and one set of song lyrics and I’ll churn out a little drabble.

Important: If you want a character x reader story then please state that in your request! Include ‘The Reader’ as a character and please list your preferred pronouns. Thank you! These lyrics will be first come first served (So I’m not writing multiple drabbles for the same lyrics) So, once a set of lyrics is requested I’ll cross it off the list below!

P.S. Two regular length requests are headed your way as I have a nice little 3 day vacation from work after a very intense week. :)

1. “Breathe, release it all. Come on now, I need your love. Come on now, never give up.” Breathe

2. “But if we're strong enough to let it in, in, in. We’re strong enough to let it go. Let it all go, let it all go. Let it all out now.” Let It All Go

3. “When your world is feeling heavy you can lay your armor on me. You can lay your head down on me.” Constellate (Connor RK800 w/ F! Reader)

4. “I can't help but love you. Even though I try not to I can't help but want you. I know that I'd die without you.” War of Hearts (Desmond Miles x F! Reader)

5. “Come inside from the cold and rest your weary soul. You belong, you are loved, you are wanted. You're not alone. I've missed you so.” Welcome Home

6. “There is a light, in the dark, and I feel its warmth. In my hands, and my heart. Why can't I hold on?” Waves (Connor RK800 w/ F! Reader)

7. “But, you don't know what it feels like to fall in love with you. No, you don't know what it's like when you can't go back. 'Cause I only lose my mind when I ain't got you. And how can I not win when I'm always bound to lose.” Lose My Mind

8. “The stars, the moon, they have all been blown out. You left me in the dark. No dawn, no day, I'm always in this twilight. In the shadow of your heart.” Cosmic Love

9. “You break the fall, it’s not easy to trust. I wanna love you but I’m just too cynical. Relive the words. They never heal.” Break the Fall

10. “I just wanna be where you are. Until the life leaves my body I'll help you stand your ground. No looking back on our mistakes they can't touch us now.” Where You Are

11. “And I hope you call me when you feel alone. When you're missing home send a siren out to sea. If not for you, then do it for me.” Elephants

12. “Just let me know I'm not forgotten out here alone. The air is cold. The night is long. I feel like I might fade into the dawn; fade until I'm gone.” Far From Home

13. “Cause I wished you the best of all this world could give. And I told you when you left me there's nothing to forgive. But I always thought you'd come back, tell me all you found was heartbreak and misery. It's hard for me to say, I'm jealous of the way you're happy without me.” Jealous

14. “I will always hold you close but I will learn to let you go. I promise I'll do better. I will soften every edge. I'll hold the world to its best and I'll do better. With every heartbeat I have left I will defend your every breath.” Atlas: Light

15. “But the feeling we once had starts to fade beneath the bad. And it’s everything… it’s everything. I’m losing you, yeah, I’m losing you. And I’m almost at the point of giving it up.” Losing You

16. “'Cause I’m on fire like a thousand suns. I couldn’t put it out even if I wanted to. These flames tonight, look into my eyes and say you want me, too. Like I want you.” Hunger

17. “Once in a lifetime does not happen again. So, I took a chance in a gamblers' game put my heart on the line. And maybe I'm crazy, but I'll never regret what I said to a girl I knew, before we even met.” Running Around in My Dreams (Garrus Vakarian x F! Reader)

18. “There's something in your eyes that reminds me; the worst days of mine are behind me. My heartstrings and yours are winding down. And baby you speak, and your whisper heals my mind. You lay down a kiss where I need it the most.” Heartstrings

19. “Hoping for a moment that I turn around and you'll be coming after me. 'Cause all that I can say is that it's obvious… It's obvious you're all I see.” Stay

20. “Can we find something new that we'll never forget. If this is real, why don't we feel a little bit more? It's all that I'm asking. It's all that I'm asking for.” Real

21. “When I heard that sound… When the walls came down I was thinking about you, about you. When my skin grows old when my breath runs cold I'll be thinking about you, about you.” Skin

22. “You still get my heart racing, for you. I’ll never stop trying. I’ll never stop watching as you leave. I’ll never stop losing my breath every time I see you looking back at me.” Never Stop

23. “I knew from the first time, I'd stay for a long time 'cause I like me better when… I like me better when I'm with you.” I Like Me Better

24. “Retrace my lips. Erase your touch It's all too much for me. Blow away like smoke in air.” Six Feet Under

25. “Fools rush in and I've been the fool before. This time I'm gonna slow it down ‘cause I think this could be more. This thing I'm looking for.” Please Don’t Say You Love Me

26. “When my head is strong but my heart is weak. I'm full of arrogance and uncertainty. But I can’t find the words you teach my heart to speak. You make it real for me and I'm running to you baby. You are the only one who save me.” You Make it Real

27. “Sunshine and rain make a beautiful thing. Everything you are is everything I'm not. Night and day, light and dark. Everything I need is everything you've got. All your hate and all your love.” Hate and Love

28. “I leave it all when I feel you near. What I'm saying is I need you here. Even though love never seems to last. If you think we’ve got a chance, stay awhile.” Stay Awhile

29. “Together can never be close enough for me to feel like I am close enough to you. You wear white and I'll wear out the words "I love you". And you're beautiful. Now that the wait is over and love has finally shown her my way. Marry me.” Marry Me

30. “Is this the end of the moment or just a beautiful unfolding of a love that will never be or maybe be… Everything that I never thought could happen or ever come to pass? And I wonder, if maybe, maybe I could be all you ever dreamed.” Anywhere But Here

31. “Well, I'm not sure what this is gonna be, but with my eyes closed all I see… Is the skyline, through the window, the moon above you and the streets below. Hold my breath as you're moving in, taste your lips and feel your skin. When the time comes, baby don't run, just kiss me slowly.” Kiss Me Slowly

32. “And I do want you to know I hold you up above everyone. And I do want you to know I think you'd be good to me and I'd be so good to you. I would…” Good to You

33. “Explosions, on the day you wake up needing somebody and you've learned… It's okay to be afraid but it will never be the same. It will never be the same.” Explosions

34. “And from the ballroom floor we are a celebration. One good stretch before our hibernation. Our dreams assured and we are, we'll sleep well. You have stolen… You have stolen my heart.” Stolen

35. “I could make you happy, make your dreams come true. There's nothing that I wouldn't do. Go to the ends of this Earth for you… To make you feel my love.” Make You Feel My Love

36. “Highway run into the midnight sun. Wheels go round and round, you're on my mind. Restless hearts sleep alone tonight; sending all my love along the wire.” Faithfully

37. “And it will take this life of regret. For my heart to learn to forget. Tomorrow will be as it always has been and I will fall to her again. For I know I have come too close.” She Is the Sunlight

38. “I wish you were a bad man. I wish you made it easier. I wish you'd done something unforgivable. 'Cause holding onto you is all that I can do until I learn the hands around my throat are my own.” Don’t Let Me Know

39. “Wisdom tells me to turn away. Broken once, it's all the same. My arms will grow, chest expanding. Of all the boys you could have landed. Why'd it have to be me? You...can't take my eyes off of you.” Can’t Take My Eyes Off of You

40. “If you love me, don't let go. Hold on, Hold, on to me… 'Cause I'm a little unsteady. A little unsteady.” Unsteady

41. “Open up your heart to me now. Let it all come pouring out there’s nothing I can’t take. If it’s love just feel it and if it’s life will see it. This is no time to be alone, alone. Yeah, I won’t let you go.” I Won’t Let You Go

42. “Shadows, you took away the shadows. Before you, life was black and white. Though, tonight the room's gone gray. Golden, all the love you gave was golden. Gold that I would gladly pay, to show the love I meant to say.” The Love I Meant to Say

43. “I need you right now. So, don't let me, don't let me, don't let me down. I think I'm losing my mind now. It's in my head, darling I hope that you'll be here, when I need you the most.” Don’t Let Me Down

44. “Darling, so it goes, some things are meant to be. Take my hand, take my whole life too. For I can't help falling in love with you.” Can’t Help Falling In Love

45. “Have you ever wished for an endless night? Lassoed the moon and the stars and pulled that rope tight. Have you ever held your breath and asked yourself, will it ever get better than tonight?” Glitter In The Air

46. “You're in my arms and all the world is calm. The music playing on for only two. So close together, and when I'm with you… So close to feeling alive.” So Close

47. “So, take your time close your eyes. I will be there here with you. They may be right I may be foolish but I will wait for you.” Take Your Time

48. “Hold my head inside your hands. I need someone who understands. I need someone, someone who hears. For you, I've waited all these years. For you I'd wait 'til kingdom come until my day, my day is done.” Til Kingdom Come

49. “And when the tears you cry are all you can believe. Just give these loving arms a try and have a little faith in me.” Have a Little Faith in Me

50. “All your acting, your thin disguise. All your perfectly delivered lies. They don't fool me. You've been lonely, too long.” Dust to Dust

51. “Off in the night, while you live it up, I'm off to sleep. Waging wars to shape the poet and the beat. I hope it's gonna make you notice… Someone like me.” Use Somebody

52. “ When it's too hard and too late. When I'm too tired to run away. When it cant stay the way it was. I need you ‘cause you smash the trouble I can't take. And all the pieces of the break, evaporate” Evaporate

53. “ I don't even need to change the world. I'll make the moon shine just for your view. I'll make the starlight circle the room. And if you feel like night is falling I wanna be the one you're calling. 'Cause I believe that you could lead the way” Someone to You

54. “Let me wash away you can find me after the flood. Let me wash away. Caught in the storm, caught in the rain. Caught in the rush that hides this pain. When you love someone you find a way to stay.” Caught In The Storm

55. “I'll be the light in the dark if you lose your way. And if you wait for me, I'll be your voice when you don't know what to say. I'll be your shelter, I'll be your fate. I'll be forever, Wait for me.” Last Train Home

56. “Tell your secrets to the night. You do yours and I do mine. So we won't have to keep them all inside.” Save Yourself

57. “Give me oceans or canyons so deep they stretch for millions of miles. I’ll cross any divide, not a flicker of doubt. No danger I wouldn’t dare, to be with you.” Goodbye

58. “If I see you in my dreams tonight and you take my hands and tell me, "I've been waiting for you. Then I'll tell you, "Me too." If I see you in my dreams tonight.” In My Dreams

59. “Do you feel something pulling you back in? Do you see something you wanna see again? I could be the one. I could make it up to you.” Lonely Boy

60. “Baby I think I'm losing you, I can see it in your face. Don't leave...I need you. And I need you ‘cause lately you've been the world to me.” Don’t Leave

61. “I've been there before hoping and trying to make things right. But now I don't know. Honey, these arms that once held you are ready to fight.” Ready to Fight

62. “And I've always lived like this keeping a comfortable, distance. And up until now I had sworn to myself that I'm content with loneliness. Because none of it was ever worth the risk.” The Only Exception

63. “All my nights, taste like gold. Yeah, when I'm with you it's like everything glows. And all my days we can lay low. Yeah, when we're waking up; we're waking up slow.” Waking Up Slow

64. “Said a lot of words along the way. I meant them all while we reigned. But shores of love get beaten by the waves and after it was done I wish I'd saved time.” Tokyo Sunrise

65. “The world's such a crazy place. When the walls come down you'll know I'm here to stay. There's nothing I would change. Knowing that together everything that's in our way... we're better than alright.” Between the Raindrops

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