#just kidding I've always been a degenerate and this was always going to happen
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SENTENCE MEME ⟶ DISCO ELYSIUM / Part 3
always feel free to tweak the sentence to fit your muse.
'lovers is such an emotional word.'
'he was out of his fucking mind. you have no idea!'
'i am at the end of my *goddamn* rope with you.'
'keep it -- maybe you'll need a reminder of human ugliness one day.'
'this is gonna be really bad for my health, isn't it?'
'whooh, this shit is strong. this shit is disco.'
'it's nothing, just got to cut back on coffee.'
'i wish you hadn't told me that. i'm gonna lose *sleep* over the subject.'
'honestly, i'm just relieved you didn't get a hernia. a man of your age...'
'sometimes it's necessary to resort to extreme measures.'
'the wards... the door... it's all gone now. dark psychic energy, leeching in...'
'i hope you're happy now, happy that you've ruined everything.'
'cursed? but i thought the curse wasn't real.'
'i'm not going to grade a human being. i don't do that.'
'yeah, actually it's super all right for kids to chew their hands off. forget i said anything.'
'i've heard the stories, but i don't think those stories are true.'
'she's convinced that the place is swarming with malicious energies.'
'employing sulky teenage girls is a widespread practice.'
'i'm sure the bear was doing its best.'
'it's an imaginary beast that guides you through life. by telling you to do more drugs, mostly.'
'rest assured, no psychic attacks will reach you here.'
'no one's ever really safe from the failure.'
'there's something inherently violent even about dice rolls.'
'it's mostly drunks and degenerates who come here.'
'drunks and degenerates -- that's my crew!'
'i think i might be a drunk. or a degenerate.'
'nobody's perfect. i'm sure even you've been tempted to drink.'
'no need for the histrionics.'
'i see you're a connoisseur of high-quality combat gear.'
'this arouses no special feelings in me.'
'you won't get me and you won't get my money!'
'everyone knows drugs make you invulnerable to cold.'
'i mean: we get drinks, come back here, sit on the frozen sea ice and drink until we start talking about fucked-up emotional stuff. the *worst*.'
'i mean: we get drinks -- and we also get drugs.'
'it's *the* coolest place in this whole drug-addled shithole.'
'i get down.'
'i grind.'
'no man, fuck that, i'm cool... i'm sorry i said that. i'm sorry about the *fuck*.'
'you know, drinking, getting into fights. the ugly stuff that happens when you move out of your parents' place at thirteen.'
'i'm major party animal myself. MAJOR.'
'i'm sorry you have to sit here on the ice with the drugs wearing off. at your age -- or ay age -- in this weather.. waiting for it to get dark.'
#disco elysium#sentence meme#rp meme#sentence starters#video game starters#roleplay meme#starter sentences#rp starters#memes
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Okay @subiysu-chan for some reason I can't answer normally because your ask formats in a weird way and I can't read it.
It's gonna be loong
1. Honestly, that really depends on the feminist. The most marketable to social media is of course the "decinstruct everything" type of leftism, but actually most people don't think like that irl. My country is considered conservative, though there's at least 5 (prob more) lgbtq people in my class and a lot of young people hold leftist beliefs, and almost all of them treat the deconstruction/anarchism/communism/kink as memes and don't take it seriously. We're 17-18 for reference.
And yes, feminism is depressing. I consider myself someone with feminist views (though not a feminist bcs I'm not an activist), and learning about rape, domestic violence, pay gap, abortions of baby girls and the lack of female body autonomy is very depressing. I wish I can have the strength to fight it one day. I don't think deconstructing family values is a core trait of feminism, but I do think it's a byproduct, since a big chunk female oppression relays on marriage. That's why divorce laws, financial independence, men knowing that marriage doesn't equal always consenting to sex, etc... are so important. So a byproduct of that will be less marriages, less kids. I know you're particularly against total sexual liberation, and I agree that it can be harmful sometimes, especially by making nsfw available to little kids. Above 15-16 I think it doesn't do much harm, unless it's like degrading porn, but I've heard of 12 year old boys who watch torture porn, so that's definitely fucked up. But that's not the goal of feminism, that's probably what leftist men think it is since they get more access to women by making sex only a commodity. Tbh I think sex buyers, especially those who actually pay to rape people, should be castrated lmao but that's a bit unrelated. I agree that complete deconstruction shouldn't happen, and it won't. It's just that... the past was very prudish, so now there's a pushback against that in the form of the sexual revolution. People are confused and often experience a Madonna-whore complex, too, so they rebel more by being more out there with the sexuality.
Stuff like homosexual attraction have been villainized, and instead of going "sex with and attraction to and love towards the same sex are morally neutral", they go "yeah suck my d conservatives i am the degenerate!!" which is very cathartic (I went through that phase on the internet help), but ultimately unhelpful. Same with bringing kink to pride parades?? Like no one wants to see your bare ass and cat ears, dude?? There are minors and people who don't wanna see your kinks. It's not fighting the Madonna-whore distinction, it's just choosing to be the whore instead of Madonna. I'm gonna blame social media and people who want to sow discord for political gains.
2. I'd love to read that and I don't see anything inappropriate with it. If you mean like aftermath of torture, there's a lot of it on tumblr already and people of all ages and backgrounds write that stuff. Unless there's something inappropriate I'm unaware of. But tbh, torture itself is very nsfw. Has a bad vibe. I mean, a naked man, tied up, being all vulnerable to another man... or maybe I just romanticize violence, again. But yeah, it's easy to misinterpret as kink content, but anyone with common sense should know it's not for kink as long as you don't describe them doing... well, sex.
3. I will but in a separate post since this one got quite political.
#like i get it i find romanticism and maybe eroticism in gore sometimes since it tends to have analogies to that you know#but also i love hurt/comfort it breaks my heart in a good way#and works about extreme situations like torture can be somewhat cathartic i like them#plus gothic??? hell yeah#nika gets political
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taps my claws together... Did u know the typical structure of wolf packs out in the wild is a breeding pair and all of their pups (some leave as they enter sexual maturity [~2 years old, males more likely] to start their own packs, but a fair share stay and help raise the next litters of pups).
Anyway. Imagine a PC with the wolf tf mentioning/confessing this to Kylar and just how overjoyed Kylar might be by the fact... Esp if they got the wolf tf From said PC, but either way - to think!! That PC might want them as their mate (*surely* they do, to tell them this), to *breed* with them, to have a loving family like that... isn't it ideal? And of course, even if PC didn't tell them directly, it's not like Kylar can't do their own research <3...
OR wolf tf Kylar themself!! Scrawny little thing... Having found such a perfect mate, wanting so *badly* to have a family (pack) again after their parents got sick and Sydney stopped talking to them, so devoted and loving and wagging their tail rapidly as spend time together, helpless to stop it bc they're just so happy... (TRYING TO HIDE HOW MUCH THEIR TAIL WANTS TO WAG IN THEIR LOW LOVE STAGES BC THEYRE STILL SHY AROUND YOU......)
Just. Thinking so much about Kylar getting to be part of a pack honestly bc it's really sweet to me. Maybe throw Sydney in there for funsies (+ so they'd have more warm connections than just PC and any theoretical kids/pups) also... Honestly I just think it's cute to consider them getting what the want and it hit me a moment ago that would pack structures do kinda lend to that
(BONUS: SUPER LATE. BUT THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR REPLYING TO MY FOXBOY KYLAR ASK SO HEARTFULLY IT WAS ABSOLUTELY FUCKING DELIGHTFUL TO READ. BEAMS)
(i'm so glad you enjoyed my rambling!! reveal your blog to me right now. get off anon. i love seeing big asks in my inbox! they're always so fun to read and they make me feel like i've gotten a FREE COMMISSION AFHSKJK) (also i gravitated towards m! kylar for this ehe) wolf tf stuff and having babies with kylar stuff below
you confess anything about starting a family to this freak he loses it. gets himself so worked up that it's all he's been thinking about for a week straight. he starts mishearing things you say - he has to slap a hand over his mouth to stop himself from moaning out loud if you mention anything regarding his/your wolf tf.
also. kylar doing his own research is SOOOO true. this would happen with ANY tf that you have. looks up mating rituals, what ur tf finds most attractive in a mate (and replicates it horribly), and googles when ur mating season is. he's a freak. probably hyperfixates on your tf and blurts out fun (disgustingly degenerate) animal facts while you're hanging out with him. eg. "did you know wolves mate for life??? what do you look for in a mate, pc?? :)"
i feel like if he's the one with the tf, he's a lot whinier about his ruts. makes it out like he's bed-ridden and needs you to take care of him. please please please let him knot you! if you're the one going into heat/rut, he'd be all over you! doesn't want you leaving the orphanage/his room. look! you're presenting yourself to him as soon as he walks in! you can't possibly go out when you're acting like this!! it'd be unsafe!!
i think kylar obsessing over starting a pack with you is 100% accurate. he'd get so emotional and sappy over everything. probably cries with happiness after you let him knot you for the first time, just because he's thinking about the litter you'll have (yes. he refers to ur babies as a litter/pups. even if he's the one without the tf. sobbing.)
a pack with sydney would be ...something. poor sydney would turn into a glorified babysitter. so many little feral children running around and they're all clones of kylar. it is SHOCKING how virile his sperm is. with the amount of children kylar insists on the two of you having together, you'd think that some of them would look like you, but no. kylar taints the gene pool. they're all coming out with dark hair and freakish little green eyes. yeah. poor sydney.
#hatkuuasks#i love this anon#REVEAL YOURSELF RIGHT NOIW#anyways. this post summarised? kylar's a freak (shocking)#yeahhh..#kuuskylarposting
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Rant Time: Small Towns Suck
This has stirred things up again and I have thoughts. But first, let me establish my bona fides:
I was born & raised in Nebraska. My hometown had around 600 people living in it at the time. I attended the grade school there from 1st to 5th grade and moved out of the town after turning 18 and leaving for college. To get to anything other than a tavern & a convenience store (there was a steakhouse & a couple churches that were not our denomination, so they don't count), we had to drive several miles to the nearest 'city' (population around 20k) for groceries, high school, church, work, entertainment, etc. My siblings and I had paper routes that were small in number, but long in distance. A couple summers I tore up my hands detasseling corn for seed corn companies. I was part of the town's Cub Scout troop.
Both of my parents were raised on farms. I spent a substantial amount of time at my maternal grandparents' farm. I learned to drive on a tractor that required manual starting rather than a 'fancy' electric starter. I sunburned my back helping my grandfather, uncle, & father lay down irrigation pipe. I chased headless chickens that managed to wiggle out of my grandmother's grasp. I've had my boots in shit.
So, having spent almost 20 years in small towns & 30 years living in cities, I can unequivocally say that SMALL TOWNS SUCK! And they don't have to... but they do.
I've been around that Small Town Pride mentality during my formative years. I have even expressed it myself when I was young. My grandmother brags about the fact she's lived within the same 10 miles all of her life. There's always a disdain expressed toward the cities, even at cities such as Lincoln (pop. 292k) and Omaha (pop. 487k). Always bemoaning the speed and complications of city lives, as well as thinly veiled racism as the reason for the problems. Always touting the superiority and moralness of their own. So let's get to the main thesis of this rant:
Small Towns have all the problems of Big Cities, just writ small.
I mean, that's a generalization, but not by much. Crime, Infidelity, Poverty, it's all there. I've seen village board members on power trips. Neighbors threatening lawsuits. I've spent time with children born from infidelity. Teen pregnancy: oh definitely. We didn't have gangs, we had families. The kind that had several siblings and cousins and it seemed half of them were in jail. Where if they didn't like you, they'd drive up in their muscle car, grab your arm and take you for a drag down the street until you were so busted up, the only way you were going anywhere was in an ambulance... or a hearse. Property broken into and stolen. Sheriff's cars regularly seen in the trailer park for fights or domestic abuse. Yeah, we had a trailer park in our town of 600. Had to stay away from the village street dance in the summer because of the inevitable drunken brawl that would happen and the broken glass on the street the next morning.
Here's something petty. We didn't get cable television out to our village until the mid-80's. And the village board had control over the choice of stations. Apparently MTV was just too degenerate for our small town, but funny enough, a few years later when CMT became available, it was added to our basic package.
Moral superiority? Safe place for your kids? One of my favorite pastimes on my paper route was keeping my eyes open for porn magazines. Either laying the ditches along the side of the road or peaking out of trash cans. And while I don't know where the porn movie VHS tapes we found came from, I have a pretty good idea and it would have been local. The newstand where I bought my comic books in the city was at least 1/4 to 1/3 porn magazines. And we won't get into the priest that taught at the Catholic high school, who I found out decades later was on the diocese sex offender list. I'm sure if we went back there's a few youth pastors as well.
And the racism. Oh, the racism. Like the classmate who told me that her realtor mother would always discourage minorities who were looking to buy homes. I knew a guy who, I swear, never referred to minorities and most ethnic groups with anything other than a slur. Even if he was happy with them. "You see the game last night? Man, those n-----s can run, can't they?" Also quite the misogynist as well. Beat his kids, cheated on his wife. The prevailing wisdom about him was that he was a generous soul who would give you the shirt off his back while trying to get your wife out of her's. And yeah, he helped my parents out a lot. But in the end, I think the 'bad things' column in his ledger was just too full. I usually hold him up as what I felt was wrong in small towns, but I've come to the realization he wasn't quite the problem. It was the guys around him. The ones who "didn't talk like that, because it was crude. And we're better than that.". But they nodded approvingly to everything he said and would mirror it in other conversations, just without all the F-bombs and the racial slurs. Go to church, listen to sermons about love and peace, then go home and decry anyone who wasn't like them. And it's old. My dad talks about the time in the small town he and my mother met in when an interracial couple drove through, stopped at the local tavern for a bite to eat and were told, in no uncertain terms, that they would not be served and to get out of town.
And I can't say that it didn't affect me. It took years upon years, if not decades, to deprogram myself. Some of it being my Catholic upbringing, some of it was the small town. Even as I gained friends of other religions, sexual orientations, ethnicities, and races, I had those prejudices still in the back of my mind, which would flair at times and I'd have to re-evaluate my thinking, hoping enough repetition would remove the programming. Because I've seen the thinking of the people who drink the Small Town Kool-Aid, and they make me sad, and scared for the future.
So when I talk about small towns, and when I talk shit about small towns, I'm speaking from experience. From lived experience. And you can say "Oh, it's because you didn't like sports and country music and you were all about your comics books and video games. You stopped believing in Jesus and you've lost your way. If you were normal, you'd have no problems there." And therein lies the rub. "If I was normal". If these town were the happy little places that they like to portray themselves, I shouldn't have had to be normal. But I needed to wait to go to a big city to find people who shared my interests to be my friends. That presented opportunities. And until small towns realize this. Until small town realize they are simply small version of the cities they claim to hate, with all of the problems therein, they will continue dying and they will continue to earn the destain of the people who left to find a better life.
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Genuine question: do you actually think BDSM is problematic? Like inherently, even consensually?
This is the only question like this I'm answering because this is my biggest trigger for trauma reasons, I also ask that you be patient with me here. I am likely to sound defensive, intense, or to struggle staying coherent and that is because when I start thinking about these topics I start dissociating and it becomes very difficult for me to communicate what my actually thoughts are. But like... it's complicated?
I don't agree with any of the SWERF bullshit idc about morality or whatever but so much of the fetish has to do with things that are just... never really healthy? As an abuse survivor it is always going to read as sexualizing/romanticizing my trauma and that makes me really uncomfortable.
Some of it is completely fine Ig but like idk I don't understand how someone could genuinely, completely healthily, consent to being genuinely hurt (especially considering roleplaying actual abuse is a big part of the alleged appeal???? If you haven't been abused then wanting to is...weird. And if you have been abused then that's more likely to be a form of retraumatization than anything) I'm not saying that it's never happened or it's never possible but as a sexual trauma survivor I feel like there's more factors than just consent.
Like, when I grew up being groomed by fundamentalist Christians I fully consented to the things that I was going through, and yes a lot of arguments can be made that I was not able to actually consent to anything in that time of my life and that would be true but like... what about later? After I left? When I was an adult???? Do the effects of my upbringing and what I've had normalized suddenly not affect me anymore?
Part of the reason I'm against violent fetishes is because we live in a society that forces those things on us, and I don't mean in the like "oh the degenerates are hurting the children(tm) way" but in like. For example maybe surprisingly kink is really common in certain fundie christian circles because so much of it is just getting off on violence, I was raised not really so much like a person as I was a sex object for cishet men in the church, I was taught from the time I was a little kid that somewhere in the world was my "future husband" and once we got married I had to like whatever he did to me.
BDSM was discussed in those circles, and I heard about it growing up and it wasn't ever really condemned around me. In relation to queerness, kink is always going to be used to excuse homophobia and I'm not okay with that at all especially because cishet people are every goddamn bit as violent, if not more so, as queer people.
And when I say that it's problematic I don't mean it in the sense that I think that it should be censored, made illegal, or that people's private sex lives need to be dictated by someone else. But I simply am never going to feel like it's able to be a healthy practice when the most prevalent attitude on sex that I've seen, both in queer communities, and in cishet ones is that sex is NOT to be questioned. People's motivations for getting off on certain things should never be unpacked or considered impacted by their past experience, what has been normalized to them, and what societal expectations of them are.
I have OCD and my own relationship to sexuality is extremely complicated and it's incredibly painful. When you've been abused it can be very difficult to identify what actually feels good to you and what actually makes you happy and what is just residual from being abused. I just cannot support the BDSM community until something is done to unpack how much abuse is normalized and encouraged within it.
When we can have the conversation, "when is consent impacted by trauma/bigotry" and "how can we ensure that no one is genuinely actually being hurt by this" then it'd be less of an issue for me.
TLDR: it has nothing to do with morality and I think people should be allowed to do whatever the fuck they want but as far as I'm concerned it's very unhealthy and most importantly interacting with people who find sexual pleasure in the things that have traumatized me and ruined my life isn't going to make me feel safe, listened to as a survivor, or confident in my recovery.
#kink tw#abuse tw#ask to tag#this is probably going to be a mess but like#if anyone wants to complain that I'm not able to word things perfectly unproblematically when I'm mid traumatic episode then like#do it somehwere else idfc lmao
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Hi~
Can I have your hcs for kinks and general unsuitable behavior for our tumblr sexyman Lord Kirkland? (bonus points for any time specific nsfw hcs)
Alrighty *cracks knuckles* this'll serve nicely as my entrance ticket to hell
[clearly this is Not Appropriate do you need a warning]
Positions and Locations
1. Incidentally I also think Arthur prefers to bottom, but in engport's particular case I don't think it matters because even if Arthur ends up topping more with Port, he gets his needs met by others (mainly Francis because Francis definitely prefers to top)
1a. technically speaking arthur has no preference when it comes to physically being on top or bottom, he just prefers prostate orgasms so if he does top he'll sometimes wear a plug or wait to come
2. From the 15th-18th centuries (give or take) he liked doing it in all sorts of thrilling places: ships, crows nests, prison cells, important people's offices, libraries, battlefields, random historical buildings. But nowadays he appreciates the material comforts more and likes a nice soft bed -- though he still has sex way more than is probably moral in his office/his partner's office
3. Bonus non-nsfw hc (i'll just sprinkle these in): I love the idea that Arthur dozes off really easily when he feels comfortable, like a cat. He might not even know he's comfortable, but he'll often fall asleep curled on Port's bedspread or on Francis' couch cuz it just feels floofy and familiar and his cat brain is like, ok naptime! In terms of sleeping arrangements he also feels safest when there's someone (he trusts) between him and the door -- Port is the only one to whom he's verbally confessed this (because he thinks it's embarrassing that he needs to be "protected") and Gabi has made it a point to remember this preference for centuries.
Sexual Orientation/Preferred Types
4. He's more into men than women, and tries to avoid women entirely when it comes to casual sex. He will sleep with nations he knows well like Belgium, Hungary, or some of the German states, but if it's picking someone up at a bar (which he did way more often in the 60s and 70s than now) it's definitely a guy.
4a. he usually goes for guys broader/stronger/taller than him so he can be held down and fucked silly. Not really into twinks (Kiku is an exception but that is cuz no one can match Arthur kink for kink like Japan)
5. I've already said this to you cake but it bears repeating: Arthur almost exclusively fucks drama queens. Never mind that he bitches about France's mercurial moods or Port's spontaneous "leave me alone" rants, guys like Norway or Germany just don't do it for him. Nor do the constantly cheerful ones like Italy or the constantly annoyed ones like Romano. He loves that melancholy aura, that "I'm not sulking I'm thinking" attitude, that maudlin je ne sais quoi at 4 AM. He wants them moody and slightly salty about everything, that's what he wants.
Kinks
6. Spanking, caning, flogging. Scot (or was it wales?) once described Arthur's sexual preferences in a fic as "alarmingly public-school for someone who's only attended university" and it doesn't get clearer than that. He loves being manhandled in general and while he will keep an eye open when he's with strangers or nations he doesn't know as well, when his frequent lovers indulge him he's down for anything that doesn't draw (too much) blood.
7. He likes bondage; both giving and receiving. Gags, spreader bars, the whole lot. He has a collection, right next to his riding crops ;)
8. Collars. COLLARS. He's not into actual pet play but he LOVES collars and if he's feeling especially freaky, leashes. It turns him on so bad whether he's the one wearing it or the one holding the leash.
9. Praise and humiliation both do it for him. He's one of the best when it comes to dishing it out (he's got the spewing filth while sounding prim and proper thing down to an art).
10. He appreciates toys and makes good use of Francis' extensive collection if he does not already own something himself. He often uses vibrators or dildos when he masturbates and brings them (always shamefully) with him when he travels, just in case. Port, who otherwise meticulously collects other knickknacks, does not actually possess that many toys because Arthur always brings them with him and Port's often too lazy to use toys with other lovers anyways.
11. He also has a profound competence kink. He expects the worst from everyone while keeping his own standards high, so when someone excels at something that blows his expectations out of the fucking water? He's all over that. Notable historical examples include when Francis is especially impassioned about a particular political cause and rinses someone in a debate, when a nation absolutely wipes the floor with another nation's army in a war (this was almost the exclusive reason he had sex with Gilbert in the 18th century), when Port teaches him new languages (their "lessons" are always longer than expected).
Other Unsuitable Behaviour For a Gentleman That Don't Classify as Kinks (Speed Round)
12. He has a very high libido but won't admit it
13. He loves it when Port wears lingerie
14. He wears tight, high waisted pants when he goes out at night bc he knows it makes his legs look good (but won't admit it)
15. When he's relaxed he's quite good at making conversation -- people often find him witty and pleasantly flirtatious
16. He loves riling Port up so he can get pounded the way he wants it
17. He likes large hands
18. Hairpulling is also a kink
19. I realized i titled this section not kinks but here we are
20. he used to have sleeve tats and tattoos all over his back and my god Francis and Gabriel worshipped him. He's too lazy (and stingy) to get so many nowadays though, especially cuz they fade so fast.
21. in threesomes he likes DP and spitroasting, especially if he's the one taking it
22. that was the filthiest sentence I've ever written so I'm gonna end this by saying he likes cuddles after sex but -- guess what? -- he won't admit it.
#hws england#ns/fw#soooooo not PG guys i warned you#needcake is making my blog a degenerate place#just kidding I've always been a degenerate and this was always going to happen#also unlike cake i have once again abandoned concision and produced a dissertation#sorry about that#my hcs
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Do you have any (more) headcanons or facts about Ira? I vaguely remember you making a post with some but I can't find it :( I'm really interested in his character and you're a very talented writer! Take care of yourself! you can always ignore this ask if you don't want to do it :3 no hard feelings
Yeah honestly-- I have n o idea what happened to the headcanons i wrote. Thought I put them on my master list, I guess I hadn't :(.
Also I'm really happy you're interested in him!! :')) it literally blows me away when people talk or ask about my characters/fics. like you're genuinely interested?? In hearing about the weird little stories I make?? Thank you :'DD
TW: threats of suicide/self harm, suicidal thoughts, nondiscriptive self harm, manipulation, guilt tripping, kidnapping
• So, as unfortunate as it is, it's a bit hard to say anything about Ira's social life. I got to reiterate that the man is a hermit, who has only seen the sun because he met his darling. He doesn't go outside, and almost has an 'elitist' point of view of those who spend their time online. But it's mostly just his insecurity that he has no reason to go outside.
• ....keyboard warrior. To the max. Do you think you can insult a chronically online man’s favorite idols and bands without reaping the consequences?
• Definitely has delved into cryptocurrency, may or may not have an empire of dogecoin.
• Is very touchy with his darling, and is essentially making up for all the years he's spent alone without affection. He will make sure to dangle that over his darling's head. "Oh but I've been so alone.. all I want is to hold you."
• Loves loves to be the little spoon, but has to look into their eyes when his darling is uncooperative. It makes him nervous to have them behind him if they're in a foul mood. But he doesn't mind being the big spoon either. That way, he gets to touch his darling as much as possible, and they're forced to wrap their arms around him.
• WILL force his darling into cosplay/costumes either for sexual pleasure or just because it's fun. Especially because it's so utterly embarrassing for them. He may have a bit of his own degradation kink, but he loves to watch his darling squirm and struggle out of the tight fabric that hugs all the right places.
• I know we yandere degenerates are big on dom yanderes, but Ira is a complete sub at worst and 'switch' at best. Except his definition of being a switch or even a dom in his case, is forcing his darling into things he wants, without threats. Just touches. Really, he doesn't have the intimidating glow of someone who's confident or dominant. But that doesn't mean he won't force his darling into his whims.
• Is delusional, but a part of him believes eventually the time with his darling may end. Either out of them escaping, someone finding out, or something happening to him. I think even with his darling, Ira still desperately struggles with his own thoughts along with self-sabotaging/self-harm. And a lot of it is because of his thoughts for darling. He's kidnapped them, how worse could a person get? Not to mention they problably hate him for all he's done.
• These thoughts manifest, and when you're all alone, it's nearly impossible to pull yourself out of them. So, there is still a small chance of Ira killing himself. Though, that has been postponed greatly since his darling came along. There's essentially no time for him to hurt himself now. There’s so much to do, so much to plan with his darling.
• Ira Never really saw himself as a family guy, and never even imagined having kids at first. But once he kidnapped darling his outlook changed.
• It was nice to think about.. the white picket fence, two kids who he can teach his skills to. Raising someone better than he was ever raised. That's his dream, but it's near impossible. Ira doesnt think it possible to have children. What with his uncooperative darling, and the fact that he'd have to keep any offspring locked up in the house, too.
• He's thought about buying a home out north, somewhere quiet with no one to bother him and his darling. That way, he could have everything he wanted. But with his little income and agoraphobic tendencies, that's like getting to the moon.
• Will guilt trip the HECK out of his darling. Even does it unintentionally at times. Though he *does* try to save the manipulation and gaslight girlbossing for when he really needs it. And when I say he uses guilt, he uses it hard. I'm talking self-harm threats, crying, begging, bringing up past events, the whole shebang.
• But, Ira never does it angrily. No, it's always with that whimper in his voice, with a sweet “please” that begs his darling not to go, knife dangling dangerously close. He uses pain to threaten his darling, but turns the blade to himself, making them watch and hear every cry and scream of agony. It's almost worse than being stabbed yourself. Ira knows that even if his darling hates him, they can't bear to watch him hurt himself.
#kn1ves rants#kn1ves ira#yandere#reader insert#x reader#self insert#yandere x reader#writing#fanfiction#romance#male yandere#male x reader#headcanons#yandere headcanons#oc headcanons#oc#original character
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Dameraji
2020.09.16
S:Probably, when this episode goes on air, it won't be the case anymore but
K: Uh huh
S: But recently, I've had quite many spiritual experiences recently
K: Oh i was scared right there
S: ?
K: I thought you were quitting or something
S: No no no no, why would i do something like that?
K: That scared me, thought you were going to say, 'when this goes on air, i won't be here anymore'
S: Hhahahaha that blew up
K: I was so shocked
S: That's funny, but you know, I often say I see feathers, right? I still see them now and then, but recently, I'm not kidding, crickets keep coming to me. When i'm watching TV at night... well I'm not watching TV but
K: What are you talking about?
S: You know like, my TV is like...that...
K: You are just watching the screen
S: Ah yesyes, that's scary! It's like I'm a psychopath or something!
K: So Soma san you were just watching screen when..
S: When I watch movies at night, there would be the tapping sound on my window, there would be nothing, and after a while i would hear it again.
K: Uh huh
S: And when i open the window, the crickets would be like, 'Let me in!'
K: That's so dramatic
S: I think there is a huge tree near my window, and so there would be tons of them there growing.
K: Ahhh, they would fall nicely at a 45 degree angle
S: And it's easy for them to come in but not go out. I realised that recently, they are not really coming anymore. I was wondering why, and it has been hot recently, so I've not been going into the veranda much. When I went out, I realised that the tree, wasnt there
K: Ehhhhh!??
S: It was totally trimmed, I guess there were tons of complaints coming from other residents about crickets coming into their houses too
K: Would they trim it because of complaints?!
S: It has a very clean haircut now.
K: I don't know if I should probe into it this much but is that tree within the estate?
S: Yes yes , it is, so it comes under their management. And actually I dont miss them at all and, i feel lucky in fact
K: And also it's nothing spiritual at all, just that the bugs are gone
S: Ahahahahaa
----
~About year end times and visiting their parents'~
S: It's hard for me to move around, like my hometown is in Yamanashi
K: Actually my parents home was in tokyo but they have moved to kanagawa actually, so they're like telling me, not to come back
S: Ahahahaa
K: And they got a cat, when I'm allergic to cats. And also since they're in Kanagawa, they might have some resistance to come to Tokyo. So, I can't go back!
S: Are you in contact with them?
K: Ahhh well yes
S: So that was when they told you that, they were getting a cat and stuff, and therefore
K: Telling me not to come back
S: I don't think that's what they think wwww
It's a tough time huh
K: Yes it's a tough family situation
S: Ahahahaaa what's that
K: Why are they going further away though...
S: I actually talked on the phone for 2 hours with my parents, after a long time, they seemed really happy i think. After that I think i heard from my sister that my parents told her about how i called them
K: Ahh
S: I'm usually the kind that doesnt contact people. So i guess this situation sort of makes us try to keep in contact. So not all's bad
K: I see, when i go back home, I'm like doing a radio show alone for 2 hours
S: Ahahahaaha
K: When i go home, I talk non stop, for like 1 hour and we laugh and laugh and then I'll be, 'Okay, I'm off'
S: Ahahahaa you're providing them one slot of entertainment
K: I'd be like, 'wasn't it fun?' , 'bye bye'
S: Does your style of talking take after any of your family members?
K: Nope
S: Ah
K: Totally no one. I'm the only one who talks this much
S: Ah, so they're rather quiet, all of them
K: My dad would talk when he's excited but is usually the listener. I don't really understand what my mum says at all
S: wwwww what does that mean?
K: Maybe we're similar?
S: Ahahahhaa
K: My younger sister doesn't ever come out of her room
S: Stop that
K: My elder brother keeps bullying others
S: wwwwww ok but
K: Maybe it's a hybrid, I'm all of those things at times
S: Well but you're nice on the inside
K: Yes I am! So is my family! Hahahaha
S: Haahahha
~~
Q. There are not many events nowadays but it seems like there are many recordings and filmings these days?
K: No?
S: wwwww well in general for voice actors, probably all the recordings that were halted have resumed maybe
K: By recording, what kind of recording do you mean?
S: wwwww what do you mean by what kind?
K: Well there's after recording
S: Ah ah ah, Ok then count it in
K: Ah, okat then Yes, it has increased
S: Ahahahaa
K: Yes, it's great. I don't really have recording for like songs
S: I think ive gotten more reading jobs nowadays, and I've always said i liked reading, but i had one where i had to read out everything myself, it was, really difficult
K: I guess you have to create and ups and downs right, that's tough right
S: And i think, it's not too good if you create too many ups and downs
K: Ahhh, it's difficult to decide when to hold back
S: Yesyesyes. And usually i would read books for leisure and books for work differently.
K: I see
S: And recently I end up thinking a lot when reading, like how should I make it more interesting
K: Ahhh that doesn't sound fun
S: Totally
K: When I have fun doing YouTube, versus when I use some editing methods because I feel it's good for my videos
S: And it goes on for hours, well it happens for radio as well, like 3-4 hours, to be immersed in one story for rhat long, we don't have it that much
K: Uh huh
S: Like... i want to improve my concentrating ability
K: Ahhh that...
S: Well....Kaito kun are there any types of jobs that you have more now
K: Not really... anything... it has been the same
S: So it has really gotten back to normal
K: Yes. I think I've had more free talk sort of gigs now
S: wwwwww
K: So, what do they see me as?
S: Well but you know you are able to do freetalk for 2 hours at your parent's house
K: No no no but well the freetalk at do at my parent's house goes like, 'this and this happened at work, haha, my partner for radio is this sort of person, he's really irritating
S: Wait wait, stop stop, can i rewind?
K: Ok ok ok, so like what i say at my parent's house goes like, 'my partner for radio is really irritating' something like that
S: wwwwwww
K: Hahahaha, just a little
S: You simplified it huh, from just now
K: I don't even remember what i said
S: But Kaito kun is someone who can just talk about something interesting when the time needs to be dragged a little
K: Really?
S: Isn't that so?
K: Freetalk is like... if there's nothing interesting that happened in your daily life, there's nothing to talk about so
S: Yes, that's true
K: So, i only say what comes to mind at that point
S: Yeah yeah
K: So, sometimes i read comments like, 'Kaito kun said this and this some time ago but now he's saying this and this'
S: Uh huh
K: But what i say is different at different times. So, recently I felt the need to accumulate things to talk about
S: Yes, that's also what you thought of due to this increase in free talk related gigs
K: Yes yes
S: And so you're actually
K: I wanted to note down stuff so, use my secret twitter account that I use for ego searching
S: Wait wait, why, why? Just use a notebook or something
K: Well but, I feel like tweeting them
S: Ahahahhaaa I don't get it! Your ego searching account
K: It has 0 followers, is unlocked, and has no interaction with anyone
S: I see I see
K: And I would tweet photos of my animal crossing game for my own keepsake
S: Ahahahaha huh? That's kinda scary
K: So I'm using it in place of a notebook now. My recent note was 'Human nails degenerate too fast, don't they?' They break all the time and it's painful and bloody', and I don't even remember what that was about
S: Oh my god
K: Scary right?
S: Totally scary, Posting animal crossing photos and leading to this is also scary. What's that about human nails?!
K: The fact that it's scary... already becomes a topic
S: I see I see, you noting down things and don't remember anything about it
K: And the fact that the first tweet was something really scary
S: Ahahahhaahaa
K: Hahahaa
S: But it's an account you would like to keep lowkey
K: If it gets circulated due to a bug or something that would be real bad
S: Please be careful!
~ Dame raji photo studio ~
Topic: Please express your favourite 4 word idiom with your body as much as you can
[DOWNLOAD]
Please download from this link:
https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1Yp5Xdwi4_z03jPajH9BEbL7R02brXk8P?usp=sharing
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Link to my masterlist for earlier chapters or other stuff I've written
His Queen
Part 3
Bri ripped open the letter, amazed it was handwritten and in cursive! Knowing Roman, he had an assistant write it, but she felt a warmth in her chest knowing he’d truly loved her all along.
To My Queen, Briana Godfrey,
(Admit it! That sounds way better than Tucker, have the lawyers change it.)
Oh, and before I get into it, I wrote this myself. No assistants, so fuck you for thinking it.
Bri smiled a sad smile at how they still knew how the other thought.
I have to start off by saying thank you for reading this letter. That means you're at the white tower. I don't deserve you. I've turned into everything I never wanted to become. Everything you made me believe I could escape. You are the light to my darkness and I'm so sorry I disappointed you. I don’t have a lot of time, but I needed a plan in case I fail. You’re the only person I trust with my company, my money, my daughter, my legacy, my heart, all of it. I am an absolute crack head level blood addict, and I couldn’t trust myself when we got overly emotional to keep my head. Because I love you so much, you can make me so upset, and That last fight we got into, I scared myself. I don’t blame you for slapping me, but to hold back from returning the blow, I literally broke my own hand... but this is not what this letter is about.
Peter and my sick half-sister Annie have stolen my daughter. Peter is hell-bent on destroying me because he killed Destiny's trash fiance, and lied about it, so she blamed me and attacked me and I hurt her bad enough to foresee issues with peter, so I broke her neck to avoid problems figuring it was showing her some mercy since she was heartbroken. Annie was there and when I refused to carry on an incestuous relationship with her, she turned on me and told Peter about Destiny. So he came after me and fucking shot me, we fought and I won, but didn't cut his head off so I knew he’d be fine. Well, he calls me and has my kid and won't turn her over, and says he's going to kill me so even though I doubt it, Nadia needs someone to raise her, and if I'm killed it's not my whore of a sister Annie. I need you to find Nadia and take her home and raise her as she deserves. She’s such a sweet baby and she adores you.
Find Shelley and she can help you maybe. She’s in love with this weird old poet and chooses to live at the old steel mill. Calls it Rooster Poop. Can’t make this shit up.
The entire security team is trying to find Nadia, so contact them and see where they’re at with it.
you are the love of my life and I refused to ever say so, even though we both knew it was true. I would bullshit and say it’s cuz I was saving you from myself, but I’m not that fucking noble. You scared me more than anything ever scared me in my life. God, it's great to admit I love you. Like I need to make up a new word for how I feel for you cuz love isn’t strong enough.
there’s a pretty poem I saw that reminded me of you;
I’d still choose you.
In a hundred lifetimes,
in a hundred worlds,
in any version of reality,
I’d find you and I’d choose you.
Even though I knew you were going to break my heart again and again.
I’d still choose you.
It’s crazy how happy I am writing you a letter, even with every aspect of my life in shambles, you’re my light.
You get everything. Fuck all of them. You were right about everything. If I survive this shit, I am winning you back if it takes 100 years and I have to spend every cent. This is literally a reset.
I tried to forget your baby girl but I never could. No amount of drugs, money, blood, or bullshit could ever distract me from the constant ache in my heart for only you. You’re the only pussy I ever wanna see again. I ran thru a fantastic amount of pussy after you left and none of them made me forget you for even a moment. I pictured you or I could not get off. It was pathetic. I hope I get to see you again and rip up this fucking letter.
I looked back over this and there’s a reason I have other people write shit up for me. A few requests to seriously consider:
-->Blitzky should take over for Pryce. Not only is he a genius, he's a good guy. He's a bit soft, so you may have to be the bad guy.
-->Get a new nanny. The current one looks good on paper but she's an idiot.
--> Live in the white tower. It's secure and safe and you can make as many floors as you like home.
--> if an animal killed me, it's Peter and he's still a wolf. He’ll be white. Kill him, cut off his head and burn him up in the incinerator.
--> if Annie comes around at all, kill her. She's very manupulative and acts religious and nice. She's crazy and not to be trusted.
-->try and convince Shelley to live in the mansion and have her little homeless community there. She doesn't care about money but she cares about people, so offer it as a safe haven. Make sure it stays stocked in necessities like toilet paper, soap, cleaning materials, etc and write it all off as a charity contribution. Make the whole endeavor a big tax write off, but don't tell Shelley that part. Just tell her it was my dying wish she had a home.
--> the loser she's with has legal problems. Have the legal department solve them so he's got no reason to desert her.
-->if Peters mom comes sniffing around, don't tell her a damn thing. I doubt she will tho, she's a wanted fugitive.
--> don't trust any gypsies.
--> Nadia is very intelligent. She can read minds, influence dreams, and kill anyone or anything just by looking at them. She's dangerous and shouldn't be allowed around animals or people until she can understand the concept of death and consequences. There's no way to control her, I have found.
--> I promised a homeless man I ate that id pay for his sons school. Anonymously pay for Mathew Shandwicks classes, books and dorm at Penn State for all 4 years. His father traded his life without a single complaint so it's imperative you keep my word.
-->make sure Nadia isn't a spoiled brat like me. Teach her about her mother and her father and all the good things about us. Leave out we were related if you can swing it. Just say we were young and loved each other very much. I enclosed a pack of photos of me and Letha for her.
I wonder what you’re wearing... That reminds me; if I’m really dead, you have to be in mourning at least two years. That means all black suits and dresses that cover you up, black nails, big black hats like you just left a Catalina Yacht Mixer or you’re going to a royal wedding. I even got you black lab coats just in case.Don’t half ass this. It’s important.
Also I want “Fuck you” by the Archives played at my funeral, if it comes to that.
Hopefully, you never see this letter because I got everything fixed here, and went and found you and you ran into my arms and we lived happily ever after, and I have a whole lifetime with you... But just in case...
All my love,
Roman Godfrey
P.s. - since you're a genius, hopefully you can fix me or bring me back. I hope you still love me even 10% as much as I love you, because then nothing can stop us.
Brianna stared at the page as her tears fell on it swirling the ink in designs and spirals. She knew he’d always loved her, but it was bittersweet seeing him finally admit it. She took the photos out of the envelope and looked through them.
Looking through the pictures was heart-wrenching. There had to be a way to fix all this! She tried to remember everything she’d learned about Upirs from that dreadful Russian women and Pryce. Luckily they’d been a bit of an obsession for her that she delved into when Roman pulled his shit. Being obsessed with Upirs had distracted her from obsessing over the real issue.
Just as she started to wonder when Mueller and Edwards would be back, as if by magic, the elevator doors opened. They had brought Dr. Blitzkey with them as well.
“Oh my gosh! You’re alive! I’m so happy to see you’re ok and still here!” Bri said as she ran up and embraced Blitzky. “Where is Roman? I need to see him.”
Blitzky looked at the ground nervously before meeting your eyes. “It’s not fixable.”
“No matter. I just NEED to see him. Please?” She begged.
“Okay. He has several severe traumatic injuries so please prepare yourself for that.”
“What happened to him?”
“Some Type of animal attacked him in the old mansion and pushed him out the upper story window, fracturing his spine and neck which most likely left him paralyzed and vulnerable. His throat and heart were then ripped out.”
“Peter.” Bri said darkly. He was going to pay for his betrayal. She would make sure of that.
“I mean that’s the most logical conclusion but after all Roman did for that little degenerate, ” Blitzky muttered.
Bri nodded solemnly.
“Hate to interrupt your happy little party but we have several forms that need immediate attention, to get this shit show back on the road,” Edwards interjected.
“They’ll have to wait till after I see Roman. You lead the way Blitzkey, you two stay here.” She said firmly stepping into the elevator with the doctor. Both lawyers looked furious but did as they were told since they were honestly intimidated by this young woman that had all this piled on her, and seemed unfazed.
As soon as the doors closed she sank to her knees and screamed. The tears came flooding out of her eyes as her body was wracked by sobs. It’s like she’d been hit by a truck. The realization that Roman was really gone finally sinking in.
Blitzky didn’t know what he should do. He was a genius, but completely clueless when it came to social and interpersonal skills. He hesitantly patted Bri on the head like a golden retriever, unsure how long was comforting so he just kept doing it. “You’re strong.”
Bri glanced up at Blitzky through her foggy tears and couldn't help but agree. She WAS strong.
The elevator opened to their floor as she looked down at the floor.
“Well” Blitzkey peeped, unsure of what to do, “this is it.”
“We have to fix him Blitzkey. There’s got to be a way.” she said rising to her feet, as if the little display he just witnessed never happened.
“You’re the boss.” Blitzky said as cheerful as he could muster.
“I’m giving you Pryce’s position. I trust you.”
“Thank you! I wasn't sure if maybe you'd want to take charge.... What will you do? Take over for Roman?”
“Until I can bring him back, I guess I’ll have to. I will bring him back Blitzkey.... If I have to make a deal with the Devil himself.” Bri stated adamantly before setting off down the hall like a woman possessed.
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P and last but not least that dead daughter gold son is following me around pretending he has my back again yacht fish we remember this one from years ago it turns out the following the little boy because he feels threatened about what you're doing to me and he knows if they did it to me he would be in arms reach for it to happen to him it's common sense at this point
It's my idea and my understanding that's why they follow the little white hair white skin boy and why his sister was brutally murdered and violently raped and beat because of what the little white hair white skin boy says don't do that to him
BUT LET'S BE HONEST THAT DEAD N***** DAUGHTER IS COLOR BLIND SHE'S TASTELESS EVERY WHITE HAIR WHITE SKIN MAN SHE SEES OUTSIDE 60 YEARS OLD OR 16 YEARS OLD SHE STILL CALLS GOLD SON fire in the church last thing we need is one of those little n***** daughters in our church bringing her entire blackskin family for her little crush a little white hair white skin boy
SO ONCE AGAIN THE INTEGRATE AND ANTECEDENT HAS BEGUN FIGHTING MY BRAIN ONCE AGAIN FOR 15 YEARS I'VE BEEN AT WAR and for 15 years gold son is always tried to kill me AND IF IT WASN'T FOR YOUR DEGENERATE F****** N****** STANDING BY A WHITE HAIR WHITE SKIN MAN FOR THE KIDS TO CALL THE BLACK SKIN MAN A DEAD DAUGHTER then the satellites wouldn't have turned on the little black girl I promise you I was there I called it live
So let's not tickle each other's balls here and pretend gold Son loves yacht fish and is not trying to kill him HERE WE GO AGAIN RIGHT IT'S F****** N***** FAMILY FAIL BRAIN SURGEONS FAILED MONKEY DOCTORS CAN'T EVEN MAKE A GIRL ALL THEY LEFT WITH IS 100,000 F****** MEN still tells me gold Son here is catching my back mean while I just stabbed one of them for trying to attack me and a hallway I LOOKED UP AND SCREAMED THIS IS FOR YOU ALI
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I started this off with a question. ("Why do I crave being lesser? Why do I want to be treated as a child and not as the man that i am?")
But then I realized that literal human love affection and decency isnt being treated as a child. Adult men need love too. And that includes me.
(Okay but. You DO want to be legit treated as a child. Not just love but like. Actual babying.)
What does that mean to you anwyays? Being treated as a child?
(You're picturing it in your head already, degenerate. Wishing it was real. Wishing you could just cry into someones arms. An actual adult. Someone to protect you and care for you... someone whose love you can feel in a good happy way)
And I'm a bad person for wanting... a hug? You're insane. Youre actually fucking crazy dude.
(You HAVE people who love you. You just always want more and more. You never feel like if the void is filled. You still cower and cry when your parents are upset... you still get the urge to self harm when you're yelled at or even if they're angry around you because you just cant handle them mad at you. I'm sorry but you gotta man up.)
Man up? You're joking, right? The impact they had on me as a kid is REAL. I cant believe youd try to downplay it for the sake of your masculinity. The truth is you didnt feel loved at all. Even if you were... you FELT hated, unwanted, and most importantly, you felt UNSAFE. it's no fucking wonder you cant handle them being angry at you years after the fact.... you've been conditioned to be afraid of them. You tense up, you dont speak. I've seen how you react when they seem angry. Even if it has nothing to do with you. And now you're thinking about the test and how if you fail, your dad will likely be mad at you. And you're crying. You havent even TAKEN the test yet. And you're crying, on the edge of full blown panic. You see how that's fucked?
(Arent you depressed or some shit? That's the issue here. Not them. YOU ARE THE PROBLEM. This grief inside you is 1. Made up 2. Your fault 3. You being mentally ill and 4. somehting you need to get over)
I DO NEED TO GET OVER IT. And it is. Partially. My fault... but at the end of the day I was just a kid. A kid who needed support and didn't get it. A kid who learned! Who was taught! By his experiences... to isolate himself and to never speak a word of the shit he went through.
This void. In you. Won't ever go away. Its always there. Every time you think of little jude. Every time your parents are mad at you... even if it's for good reaosn. Even if they arent THAT mad. A slight shift in tone of voice and you're about to cry, and you've stopped talking altogether because you dont wanna say soemthing to set them off even more. You are fucking damaged. I'm sorry dude, it's the truth. Nobody notices. It's so easy to slip by undetected. It's so easy to slowly die on the inside. Imagine what I couldve been! Imagine who I couldve been, imagine the man youd see in front of you, if this void didn't exist.
It took everything from me. I am left with nothing but PAIN. It's horrible. I don't know what I can do about it.
When I talk in therapy, all that's ever mentioned of my parents is their Current do-goodery. I dont mean to sound ungrateful, but does that take away from their past wrongdoing? No! Of course not! I was still affected by that and I hate having to act like it never even happened. I wish they knew and I wish they felt bad. I wish they cried just once at least, how I do every night. I wish they held the pain that I hold just one night. They wouldnt make it. Theyd kill themselves.
Maybe then theyd know to be more gentle with me, and kinder. Maybe then they'd understand why my eyes are red every morning and why my clothes smell like smoke and why theres bloody paper towels in the garbage bin.
When does this pain go AWAY? How much fucking prozac have I gotta take? Should I up my dose to 20mg without consulting the doctor?
Theres more to it, but that's the core part that never goes away.
The more to it part seems to have subsided MOSTLY.... but that core. Is always there. Theres never a moment in my life where I'm anything but younger versions of myself, fearful, teary eyed, self destructive, withdrawn, FEARFUL, in such pain... I'm always little Jude. I'm always this little fucking kid who just wants some fucking love but will not receive it for the majority of his life. I'm a little fucking kid who just needs someone to listen to me. I'm a little fucking kid and I don't really hug my parents. It feels fake to me. Im not even 9 yet and I've already accepted the fact that my parents hate me. Maybe it's not a fact, but to me it is. Maybe it's not a fact but I'm still afraid to tell them anything I feel and that's because they never listen. They dont know how to. All they do is get mad and punish.
And now I do that to myself.
My therapist says to remember to be a good friend to myself. That's cos she sees that I'm really mean to myself. Stupid. I always say I'm stupid and I always apologize and say that I'm sorry if this sounds stupid, I dont know... (I dont know is very common. It's like I just dont have opinions on things anymore because I was afraid my parents would get mad at me for them)
I say I'm stupid and she says, who told you that? And I just... its literally my parents. My dad called me tonto TODAY. literally today. Because I took my backpack out of the car when I was getting out to go to the dentist's. A simple mistake right? Well of course he has to be pissy about it. And that sorta thing makes me feel so bad.
And it conflicts me a lot that my parents can act so loving and kind in one moment and then in another yell at me and refuse to give me space and say mean shit about me... it makes it so idk how to feel about them.
Every time I feel like maybe I'm ready to do better and I'm chill with them, they take their anger out on me again.
I literally fucked around with old fucking pedophiles because of the empty space I felt in my heart where my parents love should be. Its VERY real. I forced myself to do such gross shit just to have someone their age tell me they love me. To have someone their age praise me. This is very fucking real. My pain is very fucking real. Nobody has any right to tell me it's not.
I dont know what to feel or think or do. I just feel sad. I think I've been ruined now for the rest of my whole life to jsut be in pain. I feel like nobody can understand. I dont know what to do. I should try to die again if I have the guts.
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I'VE BEEN PONDERING CHEESE
Maybe the best way to put it is to get the right answers, and that's where nerds show to advantage. Free! Whereas as Stripe shows having x. Well, food shows that pretty clearly. If you stop there, what you're describing is literally a prison, albeit a part-time one. Freaks and nerds were allies, and there seems to be in a position of power. I heard about after the Slashdot article was Bill Yerazunis' CRM114. The asterisk could be any character you don't allow as a constituent. Another thing you notice when you see animals in the wild seem about ten times more alive. You could pay as little attention to the company, you'll have the most freedom.
Most high school students applying to college do it with the usual sort of job. Not simply to do well in school, though that seems a bit too narrow. If I remember correctly, the most popular kids don't persecute nerds; they don't need to stoop to such things. Or is it just something nice? It seemed odd that the outliers at the two ends of the spectrum could be detected by what appeared to be unrelated tests. Normal food is terribly bad for you. It would be like programming in a language where the input format was punched cards the language was line-oriented.1 94% of the top 20 YC companies by valuation have the.
But your goal here wasn't to provide a service estimating people's ability. It wasn't always this way. The real problem is the emptiness of school life, the cruelty and the boredom, both have the same cause. Life at that age revolves far more around popularity than before or after. As far as I can tell, is the problem so bad in most other countries. You can't just start a business and check out once things are going well, or they stop going well surprisingly fast. I happened to run into a Big Cheese I knew from working there in the late nineties. Subject foo. After all, even a perfect manager can't save a company when, as sometimes happens, its whole market dies, just as we know in the abstract that people get tortured in poorer countries. The page was of course an ad for a porn site.
In this case it was was from someone saying they had finally finished their homepage and would I go look at it. Nerds would find their unpopularity more bearable if it merely caused them to be ignored. You don't have to be especially awkward to look awkward by comparison. Whatever the upper limit is, we are clearly not meant to work in. We tend to regard all judgements of us as the first type. If they're so smart, why don't they figure out how popularity works and beat the system, just as we know in the abstract that people get tortured in poorer countries. The average 25 year old is no match for companies that have spent years figuring out how to get you to spend money on stuff. They build a coarser model of their surroundings, and this consumes less energy.
If I want to spend money on stuff. We've now reached that point with stuff. Stuff is an extremely illiquid asset. The whole place was a giant nursery, an artificial town created explicitly for the purpose of breeding children. Then the ones that won't make such a pledge will be very conspicuous. In 1998, if advertisers paid the maximum that traffic was worth to them, the unsuccessful founders would also fail to chase down funding, and users, and sources of new ideas. I could never quite tell if they understood what I was saying. I tried writing, I ignored the headers too. It's because the adults were the visible experts in the skills they were trying to learn. Now there's something any individual can do about this problem, without waiting for the school bus, and was so shocked that the next day she devoted the whole class to an eloquent plea not to be so cruel to one another.
In those days people's stuff fit in a chest of drawers. I can usually catch them. It's a consequence of the tree, you're going to face resistance when you do something new. 7636 free 0. But in fact I didn't, not enough. I usually avoid politics, but since we now seem to have been two given at the same time. Whatever the upper limit is, we are clearly not meant to work in groups of several hundred. I've read that this is why poor whites in the United States are the group most hostile to blacks.
As well as gaining points by distancing oneself from unpopular kids, one loses points by being close to them. It was natural to have this distinction in Fortran because not surprisingly in a language without an interactive toplevel, and I have not seen a single reference to this supposedly universal fact before the twentieth century. Much of the time we were all, students and teachers both, just going through the motions. The response rate for spam-of-the-future, because this is what I call degeneration. There's no other name as good. 10 2003 I got about 1750 spams. The tricky part might seem to be freedom and security. Put yourself in the position of someone selecting players for a national team.2 Though notoriously lacking in social skills, he gets the right answers, and that's where nerds show to advantage. It's much more about alliances. Their denial derives from two very powerful forces: identity, and lack of imagination.
It's not aimed at producing a correct estimate of any given individual, but at selecting a reasonably optimal set. You'd think this lesson would be too obvious to mention, but I've had to learn it several times. But I don't know. That makes him seem like a judge. But the most immediate evidence I had that something was amiss was that I couldn't talk to them. If company management companies got together and agreed to allow their clients to exchange shares in all their pools. I realized we can also attack the problem downstream. There is no real distinction between read-time lets users reprogram Lisp's syntax; running code at compile-time is the basis of macros; compiling at runtime is the basis of macros; compiling at runtime is the basis of macros; compiling at runtime is the basis of macros; compiling at runtime is the basis of macros; compiling at runtime is the basis of Lisp's use as an extension language in programs like Emacs; and reading at runtime enables programs to communicate using s-expressions, an idea recently reinvented as XML. And I have no problem with this: in a specialized industrial society, it would be a good founder.
Notes
Where Do College English 28 1966-67, pp. We invest small amounts of new inventions until they become so common that their buying power meant lower prices for you to commit to you. We thought software was all that mattered. What, you're putting something in this algorithm are calculated using a freeware OS?
Investors will deliberately threaten you with a truly feudal economy, at which point it suddenly stops. If you have to make fundraising take less time, which made it to colleagues. Monk, Ray, Ludwig Wittgenstein: The Civil Service Examinations of Imperial China, many of the company they're buying.
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