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princecharmingmendes · 4 years

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Valentine's Day | Raul Mendes

"When you think you're going to be alone on Valentine's Day, your friend with benefits simply shows up and takes you away on a surprise road trip, the only problem is that you and Raul swore that no feelings were allowed, and it gets harder every second that passes by to keep that promise"

Shawn | Peter

*I'm so incredibly sorry I took so long to finish this, but here it is, the last part of the Valentine's Day triplets "collection/series", hope you enjoy it!

*Word Count: 7.3K+

*Warnings: cursing, a lil bit of angst, haunted house content and clowns (just in case).

*Posted: February 24th, 2020.

-*-

The “v” day. I think I can say that for most people I know, or you’re so excited to spend it with your loved one or mostly bitter cause you’re so single it hurts/ dreaming about the perfect day, there are obviously exceptions, but this are pretty accurate. I’m pretty much in the second category. I had flings and untitled relationships before, but never had the chance to actually do all of those cliche things, like go on a fancy dinner or have a chill date at home on sweats and fuzzy socks, never got flowers at school/work, cute messages and chocolates. I didn’t even wanted expensive gifts and flash mobs on Times Square, just wanted to feel loved and cared for by someone that’s not my parents and friends. And this is year it’s not going to be different.

I’m technically single, I just have a fuck buddy and he’s not taking me out on a romantic stride through the park. I mean, Raul’s not that type of guy, at least didn’t show me any signs. We met through Peter since I’ve been working on the same place as him for a few years now and since then we had an agreement, no feelings allowed, only sex. He works a lot and all the time he has, he likes to dedicate to his family, for me was awesome for the same reason, I focused so much on studying and working that I had no time left for a serious relationship, so this seemed perfect at the time. The only problem was the “no feelings allowed rules”, I fucked that up pretty badly.

At the beginning wasn’t hard, we would meet at his place or mine, have sex and the other would leave as soon as possible, and it was great, he might seem as a cold person but he’s a really great lover. The problem started when he came to my place at a particular hard day at work and I insisted on him opening up, that I was there for him. We ended up not doing nothing besides cuddling and he stood the night, and from that things changed drastically. He started asking me to stay the night, we would randomly go out to eat and we would talk a lot. Raul understood where I was and so did I, he tended on shutting people out cause he didn’t want so seem fragile but deep down he’s softer than Peter, he just showed that rarely and to his family, the reason? Trusted and loved the wrong person, and I wasn’t very far from that.

The problem? I fell for him and he didn’t. Not that I asked or anything, I just knew, he would always shut me off when we got too close and he kept saying that this situations between us was perfect the way it is, and he’s really grateful that he has me on his life and that understand his needs. So yeah, not admitting that I actually do have feelings for him and screw this up, I’d rather have him like this than not at all. That’s why I’m sitting on my living room one day before valentine’s day, considering leaving tomorrow after work to my grandparent’s ranch or the beach. That’s why I almost had a stroke when my phone started ringing, Raul’s name lighting up the screen.

“Uh, hey... everything okay?”

“Oh, hey, darling, are you busy?”

“Not really” I said scrolling down the site for plane tickets just in case I wanted to go somewhere else “I just wasn’t expect any calls”

“Oh, sorry, what’re doing tomorrow?” he asked and my heart dropped.

“Tomorrow?! Nothing?! Normal Friday stuff, maybe go away for the weekend, why?”

“It’s valentine’s day!”

“I know, that’s why I’m leaving” I said chuckling.

“Oh... do you have anything planned specifically or bought?”

“Like plane tickets?”

“Yeah”

“No, I’m going through options right now, any suggestions?”

“I actually do”

“Oh, okay, I’m listening”

“Why don’t you come with me on a trip?”

“Hm... what?”

“Oh, come on, I know you hate this day and probably will be stressing yourself if you stay at your home alone” he said and suddenly U couldn’t breath.

I told Raul once that I didn’t like this date in particular, too many expectations were broken on this day, spent a lot of v-days crying or moody cause some stupid boy didn’t think I was good enough. I didn’t expect him to care enough to remember.

“What are you talking about, Raul?”

“I... do you want to go with me on a road trip?”

“Don’t you have shifts to cover or things to do?”

“No, got my schedule clear in caw you wanted to go out with me”

“Oh... but I...”

“You’re the boss on your section” he said cutting me out “and I talked to Peter, he’s going to cover for you”

“Hm... I...”

“Stop trying to find excuses, princess, c’mon, let me take you on an adventure”

“An adventure?”

“Yeah, what do you say about camping? You told me you never camped before”

“Oh, you remember?”

“Of course... so, what do you say?”

“Okay, I guess I don’t have a choice”

“Mhmmm, you’re right, so... can I pick you up at seven?”

“When are we coming back?”

“Sunday after lunch”

“Okay, okay, seven it is”

“Great! I gotta go now, but I’ll pick you up tomorrow”

“Do I need to take something specific?”

“Oh, yeah, it gets cold, but we’re staying in a cabin, so it’s not going to be that bad and I’ll be there, ooh, and please don’t forget that pretty lace baby blue set you bought last Sunday, I assure you you’re not going to regret it”

“Fuck you” I said chuckling and he giggled.

“I gotta go now, princess, text me if you need help with anything”

“Okay, bye, Raul”

“Bye, baby” he said hanging up.

Baby?! What was that?

-*-

I swear that I tried to keep calm and not read too much into it, but it was impossible. Why did he invited me out on Valentine’s day? How he remembers that stuff I told him?! Why does he care?! It’s impossible not to feel anything.

I couldn’t sleep at all, I spent the whole night playing possible scenarios in my head and checking every single thing that was on my bag. When the alarm rang in the morning, I felt like I was about to die, out of excitement or out of lack of sleep. But I got up and started getting ready for the day, I opted for almost no makeup, hair in a messy bun and comfy clothes that still looked cute, just in case. At seven I was already on the lobby of my building waiting for him, and when I saw his jeep parking right in front I almost died. Raul got out of the car and waved at me, so I walked to him, only to be squeezed in his huge arms in a bear hug.

“Happy valentine’s day” he said in a playful tone.

“Haha, very funny, mister cupid”

“What?”

“Well, you helped both of your brothers on V day”

“Oh yeah, true, so... excited?”

“Yep”

“Great, so am I, can we start this weekend?”

“Sure” I said and he kissed my cheek softly, leaning down and grabbing my small suitcase from me and putting it on his trunk, walking to the passenger’s door and opening it for me.

My heart stopped when I saw a beautiful bouquet of sunflowers on the seat and I froze.

“You told me you liked sunflowers” he mumbled with his hand gently placed on my lower back.

“I did” I said barely louder than a whisper and looked up at him “why?”

“You said you never... you’ve never received flowers before... and I thought maybe you’d like it” he said looking away and scratching the back of his neck with his free hand, a slight blush raising up his cheek.

“I liked it, just didn’t expect it” I said and he looked down at me, I stepped on my tip toes and kissed his cheek.

He pressed me tighter against his chest and wrapped the arm that was already on me around my middle, keeping me close to kiss me. I wrapped my arms around his neck for support as he deepened the kiss a bit more.

“Good morning” he said in a deeper voice and with a smirk laced on his features, but his eyes were still soft.

“Morning” I said chuckling “can I get in the car?”

“Oh, sure” he said giggling and letting go of me.

I hopped on his car as he went to get in on his side, quickly leaving his spot and driving to I don’t know where. He started driving away and turned up the radio, humming to the song lightly and placing his hand on my thigh. Right there, I felt my heart on my throat and I couldn’t breath for a second. He can’t do that and expect me not to fall for him, I mean, that’s fucking impossible, how could you not?

An hour later, he stopped at a diner in the middle of the road and got out of the car, and I was so distracted, lost on my own thoughts, that I didn’t notice him coming by my side and opening the door for me. He chuckled at my wide eyes and little shocked noise while he helped me out. He picked a table at the corner of the place and sat down beside me.

“So... what is your kidnapping plan?”

“Well... I though that we should have breakfast first and I love the food in here”

“Great start” I said and he giggled.

“Thanks, princess, then we’ll go to the campsite for you to get to know the place and get settled in our cabin, and then... well, it is supposed to be a surprise”

“More surprises?”

“Do you want me to ruin it?”

“I... yeah?” I answered and he chuckled.

“I’m taking you to a carnival that’s near the place we’re staying... you also said you missed this kind of things”

“If I didn’t know you, I’d say you’re after my heart, Mendes”

“I might be” he said winking at me and giggling.

Poor thing, didn’t even know that his sort of joke almost killed me every single time.

-*-

Around 1 pm we decided it was time to go, after all I was starving, we’ve been walking since we got here. The place was breathtaking, there were so many beautiful views, but nothing will beat the lake that’s actually kinda close to our cabin, that’s absolutely adorable. It really seems like a dream come true. We spent a lot of time talking and he told me he’s so happy that his brothers are finally in a relationship that’s healthy and apparently going to last a long time, but he said he also felt kind of empty, since even his baby sister had a boyfriend. Quickly we changed the subject cause it was getting a little bit emotional, I don’t know if I’m ready to deal with his soft and fragile side without saying how I feel, so I’d rather avoid it, even though it seems kind of selfish.

The ride was not too long and very pleasant. Raul knows how to have a good time and he also makes sure everyone around him, at least that he cares about, feel the same way. He parked perfectly and smoothly, and when I hoped out of the car, he had a cocky grin on his face that he just justified as ‘you looked amazed by parking skills’ and I decided not to say the opposite to avoid a fight. He can be very competitive in everything. He bought our tickets and we got in, practically sprinting to find something to eat, at least I was starving.

After a whole bunch of food and his predictable not so funny jokes, we finally started taking a look around to decide where we would go first. We decided to go to the craziest rides first so we wouldn’t get the worst lines since people were eating or didn’t arrive yet. After that, I decided I wanted to get a henna tattoo on my forearm like I did so many times as a kid. Raul was patiently sitting beside me with his tattooed arms showing and attracting many curious looks from kids and other type of curious from some giggling teenage girls and even grown up women.

“Hi” the little voice sounded from behind us and we turned around to see a little girl standing there, holding a backpack.

“Hey, are you lost?”

“No, sir, mommy’s right there” she pointing to a woman standing beside the line on her phone.

“Okay... how can I help you, missy?” he asked with the softest look on his face.

“Did you got all of those with her?” she asked pointing to the girl that was currently drawing on my skin.

“I did not, these are from a few months ago”

“But why don’t they have any color?”

“I think they were out of ink” Raul said and the girl seemed to be thinking about the possibility.

“Can I make them prettier?”

“Of course, how’d you do it?”

“I have some markers, can I paint them?”

“Yes!” he said offering his right arm to her and she grinned big, showing of her missing tooth right in the middle.

She grabbed in her little backpack a pencil case and revealed more than what seemed like a thousand markers, so she started going through the colors and picking a bright pink one, starting to fill Raul’s tattoos with the girly shade. Raul has a beautiful smile gracing his features as he looked so intently at her artwork, her little tongue poking out between her lips in concentration, the scene was absolutely adorable, so cute it was starting to hurt physically.

“Is the pretty girl your girlfriend?” she asked as she was picking out another shade.

“Her?” he asked pointing at me with his free hand.

“Yes, is she your princess?”

“She is, she’s my girl” Raul said as he looked at me, making me blush furiously.

“Helen! What are you doing?? I’m so sorry, I’m so so sorry” the woman the little girl pointed earlier as her mom got closer and grabbed her backpack.

“It’s okay, she said she could make them prettier, I really don’t mind” Raul said smiling at Helen and she smiled at him.

“They are prettier, right?” Helen said.

“They are so much better, thank you, Helen” Raul said.

“Thank you, and I’m sorry” Her mom said holding her tiny hand “we gotta go now, your dad is waiting, say thank you to the couple and say goodbye”

“Thank you, princess, thank you...”

“Raul” he said smiling at her.

“Thank you Raul, bye bye” she said waving.

“Bye” I said smiling.

“Thank you again, and I’m sorry, have a nice day” her mom said and walked away with her.

“She’s cute”

“She is”

“You do this a lot?”

“What?”

“Let random kids draw in your arms?” I asked playfully.

“Actually I do”

“Really?”

“Yeah, sometimes at the hospital, when they’re too sad I kinda feel like I should do anything to help, you know? I mean, it sucks for us to be there, now imagine for a little kid”

“That’s actually really sweet, but I should’ve guessed it”

“Why?”

“Remember when I asked you if you could see my friend’s son? Julia’s son?”

“Wait... yeah, Lucas right?”

“Mhmmm, let’s say you made a good impression and not only by your looks”

“So you’re saying I’m attractive?”

“I wasn’t... but I also can’t deny, anyway...”

“Why are you blushing?” he asked with a boyish smirk.

“Am not”

“Yes you are! You look so red it seems like you’re ‘bout to explode”

“Fuck you!”

“Language, princess, there are kids nearby”

“Anyway! As I was saying... she couldn’t shut up about how good you were with her son, how dedicated and sweet, and she was also drooling over your appearance”

“I wouldn’t blame her” he said winking at me.

“Your charm doesn’t work on me”

“I doubt that” he said leaning closer to me slowly, eyes trailed on my lips.

“You shouldn’t, I’m imune to you and your tricks”

“That’s a lie” he said lower and I could literally feel his breath on my lips.

“It’s not”

“Oh it is, princess, and I can prove it to you” he said brushing our lips together.

“All done here” the girl drawing on my skin said stopping me from giving in.

“Thanks” I said getting up and checking her drawing.

It was a beautiful drawing of a Lily, my grandfather’s favorite flower.

“Hey! I love lilies” okay, I wasn’t expecting Raul saying that.

“So does grandpa”

“Cute” he said placing a strand of hair that fell form my bun behind my ear “ and oh... by the way, I’ll prove it to you later” he said before placing a quick kiss on the spot behind my ear that always made me weak on the knees for him “we should get some ice cream or something, at least it’s dried, don’t want to ruin her artwork”

“You’re probably right” I said cleaning my throat.

“Would you ever get a real one?”

“What? A tattoo? I’ve wanted one for a while but never got the guts to do it”

“I can take you if you want”

“Really?”

“Yeah... how about next weekend?”

“Yeah, I can do that”

“I can’t believe you’re actually going to have a tattoo, can’t wait to see that, princess” he said wrapping his arms around my shoulders.

-*-

We spent pretty much the whole day going to those attractions and I have to be honest, I was having the time of my life. He’s been treating me like a princess and doing all of these cheesy couple-ish things, and even though that’s all I’ve been dreaming of recently, this is also making me feel like we could be more than what we are, but I also have to keep in mind that this isn’t happening and I could almost feel my heart breaking. He’s just so sweet and so funny, and this feels like a date all the time, even though I know this is just so I don’t feel miserable, but at the same time... Ugh, I don’t know, this is just confusing.

Currently we were sitting by a food truck eating ice cream, and I couldn’t stop myself from watching all of his features closely, letting the imagine sink on my brain. He looked so soft with a pink and baby blue ice cream cone as the sunset light his his face on the right places, making me feel something fluttering inside of me. We were talking about the most random topics possible, but he was cut mid sentence and I just stood there staring at him, waiting for him to continue.

“Everything okay?”

“Oh, yeah... it’s just that there’s something in your face”

“Oh” I said rubbing my cheek “there?”

“No, let me just...” the phrase trailed it off as got closer and tried to wipe my face with his thumb, and I swear my breath got caught in my throat. His thumb gently whipped my face and he sucked it clean, and I simply couldn’t stop starring “there you go”

“Thank you” I mumbled softly still too caught up on his hazel eyes.

“What do you want to do now?”

“Haunted house?” was the first thing that popped in my mind that wasn’t too flirtatious.

“How old are you? Three?!”

“No, just think it’s a fun thing to do”

“You can go, I’ll wait here”

“Are you scared, Mendes?”

“No, just don’t like it”

“Why?”

“I just don’t see the hype on it”

“It’s pretty cool, c’mon”

“Fine, only if our last attraction is the ferris wheel”

“Really?” I asked biting my lower lip.

“What? Afraid of heights, princess?”

Not really, just scared of being completely heartbroken on valentine’s day.

“Naaah, you’re the one scared here’s thought you’re tough, Raul”

“I am” He said straightening his posture to seem bigger than he already is.

“Cut the act, if you’re not afraid of it you’re going with me”

“Fine, but you’ll come with me to the ferris wheel then”

“Okay, deal, now let’s go” I said getting up and grabbing his arm.

“What? Now?”

“Yeah, you promised me marshmallows and a campfire”

“Okay, let’s do it then” he said getting up as well and grabbing my hand.

We went to the line that wasn’t really that big and from the corner of my eye I saw Raul bouncing on his feet. It was pretty hilarious seeing a guy this big, who dealt with a lot worse situations on a hospital as pediatric surgeon, with a bunch of tattoos (a few colored with pink ink by Helen) and piercings, nervous about a hunted house made for teens.

“Raul... if you don’t want to go... it’s”

“I’m going” he said cutting me off and looking at me.

“Okay, okay, good, cause we’re next”

He took a deep breath and pulled me into the house. It was a classic hunted house at the beginning, with some stuff jumping at us and screaming, it was fine. But as we got deeper into the space, things started getting a little bit scarier. It was no longer machines, but people with really great makeup on actually starting to follow us around, making us actually run through the rooms like our life’s actually depended on it. I was actually having fun, giggling through the process until one of the last rooms. We got in and it was all dark, with only one light in the middle of the room that was pretty low. I could hear water running somewhere and there were a bunch of piles that I couldn’t recognize, and that was all the noise and shapes I could actually see.

“What do you think this is?” I whispered to Raul who was standing behind me with one of his hands on my waist.

“I don’t know, princess, but it’s oddly familiar” he said pulling me closer to him.

“Yeah, I think it’s from...” my sentence was cut in half as that song started playing and the light lit up enough to see a pile of ‘bodies’ laying around.

It was the classical scene from ‘It’ in the swell. When I looked to one of the corners, there he was, someone dressed as Pennywise smiling wickedly at us and I felt my heart stop. When I was younger, I was so damn afraid of clowns, but as I grew older, I thought that fear was gone, I haven’t been scared for ages and I don’t what it was, but this was the creepiest things I’ve ever seen. I guess Raul sensed that I wasn’t okay and grabbed my hand, dragging me out of the house before anything could happen. He gently sat me down on a bench that was behind the house and offered me his water bottle, that I gladly took and chugged it down.

“Are you okay?” he asked softly as he crouched down to be on my eye level.

“Yeah, just got a little...”

“I know” he said holding my hand and kissing my knuckles.

“I’m better now”

“Sure?” he asked and I just nodded “wanna go see if we can get a huge teddy bear?”

“Why?”

“It’s valentine’s day, princess, I think you deserve it”

“Okay, then” I said smiling and getting up.

Raul took the opportunity to place his hand on my lower back, slowly trailing down to end up on my back pocket, giving me the opportunity to stop him. That’s one of the things that always makes my heart beat a little faster. He’s known for his one nights stands and temper, but very few people know he’s actually a really selfless lover and always makes sure the other is extremely comfortable with everything that’s going on, and he can also be extremely sweet if he wants too. And that’s the problem, he rarely shows this side of his to people, so that’s why no one knows what he’s really like.

We went to a tent where we had to drop as many cans as possible to reach to the huge bear, with ping pong balls. The guy said we could make a pair and try it, but no one got the teddy bear yet. I think Raul felt challenged and said we could do it without blinking, he payed and turned to me, placing the bucket with balls in front of us. The guy started the timer and we started shooting as much as we could, throwing three balls at once and it was simply impossible to drop on of the cans specifically, even though we hit it a bunch of times. The guy announced time was off and that we didn’t make it, with a cocky grin on his face.

“There’s something wrong with that can, we shot it a million times, you’re fooling everyone” Raul said.

“Sorry you couldn’t impress your date, maybe you should find someone who could actually drop a few cans”

“I could if you didn’t glue it or something, and she’s not a date, she’s my girl” he said playing with his rings, which meant he was nervous.

“Yeah? Prove it, pretty boy”

“Look...” Raul started saying but I placed my hands gently on his chest and his voice died on his throat.

“Let me just see if I get it” I said turning my head to the guy from the tent and batting my lashes at him “all I have to do is drop all the cans with the bucket we gave to us, right?”

“If you want the teddy bear, then that’s it, but you can pick the prize from the last round”

“Okay, can I play again and then pick the prizes?” I asked as sweetly as I could.

“Sure, ma’am”

“We’re not going to play again” Raul said looking straight at the dude.

“Please” I asked turning my face to him and rubbing his chest gently “just trust me” I asked pouting and he sighed, nodding.

“Fine”

I smiled at him and placed a chaste kiss on his lips, making him grin.

“Ready?” I asked Raul as we got back to our places and he nodded “go!”

We started throwing everything again and dropping all of them again, and as I imagined, the same can didn’t seem to even move even though we kept throwing all the balls on it. I suddenly grabbed the metal bucket and threw everything and was on it on the floor, throwing the bucket itself and finally dropping the last can. I turned to both of them smiling widely and they stared at me in shock, Raul’s face quickly turning into a boyish grin and the guy seemed angry.

“That’s not valid, I said...”

“You said that I had to drop all the cans only with the material you provided me, I’m pretty sure you gave me the fucking bear and that cute set of pillow of ‘Mr. Right’ and ‘Mrs. Always Right’”

“No fucking way, you can’t...” the guy started but Raul grabbed him by the colar.

“Give her what she asked for, you’re the little shit here who cheated on the first place, now, the fucking bear” Raul said in a raspy voice that almost had me and the guy both fainting, but for very different reasons.

“Okay” he said grabbing both of the requested items and giving it to us.

“Ferris wheel?”

“Do we really need to go?”

“Yeah, I went to that haunted thing, you’re coming with me”

“Fine” I said and went to wait in line while he placed the bear and pillows on his trunk.

The line was a little longer than usual, sunset was starting so it would be a pretty view when you hit the top. Raul has his arm around my shoulder as soon as he got in it with me, we had a casual chatter until it was our turn to hop on the seats. He placed my legs over his lap, keeping a hand on my thigh as the other one held my hand. There was a pleasant breeze hitting us and I payed my head on his shoulder as the attraction started working. I could easily picture us as a real thing when he acted like that, so soft and sweet, without the whole sex part of our relationship’, but unfortunately I had to remind myself every time that this was just that, nothing less and nothing more.

“You’re gorgeous” I heard his raspy and low voice and turned to face him.

“You are too” I said as I felt the blush rising on my cheeks.

“And cute” he said chuckling and turning a little bit sideways, so I was still comfortable with my legs above his, but he could pull me closer and keep his arm on the backrest of the seat “do you ever wonder about the future?”

“Hm, yeah, I want to be able to still live in Toronto, but also would like to expand my job a bit more”

“No, I know that... I was asking about your personal life, I love to hear about your job but that’s all you seem to talk about”

“Well, that’s all I think about”

“Don’t you think about a serious relationship or settling down?”

“Sometimes, I just try not to focus too much on it... you?”

“Me?” he asked and looked straight ahead, giving me the opportunity to analise his face better with the orange and pink glow lighting up his greek god like features “I’ve never really thought about it, at least not since my last girlfriend... I mean, I know I’d love to be a dad and getting up to do pancakes on a Sunday and all that cute shit, I just thought for a long while that I wasn’t ready for that yet”

“She didn’t deserve you” I spilled it out before I could hold it back and he just chuckled looking at me through the corner of his eye.

“I wasn’t the best boyfriend”

“That’s a lie and everyone knows it except you, Raul” I said and he just shrugged “I’m serious, I’m not your girlfriend and you did all of these little things for me, I can’t even imagine what you did for her, and... are you even listening?” I asked as I noticed that he was staring at me but his mind was somewhere else.

“I’m sorry” he mumbled cupping my face gently with one hand “it’s just... you look so good right now, I just keep getting lost in your eyes”

“Any girl would be lucky to have you, or to call you hers”

“It’s a shame they can’t though” his gaze kept falling to my lips as he spoke.

“At least they get to kiss you”

“Hmm no, they don’t, but you do” he said softly as he crashed our lips together on a tender kiss, the ferris wheel on top, just like those cliche movies I like to say I hate but at the end of the day I’m always watching them and crying my eyes out.

His hand on my face kept lightly caressing my cheek with his thumb as the other pulled me closer by my waist, placing me practically on his lap. I threaded my fingers on his chocolate locks and moved without breaking the kiss to actually sit on his lap, earning a little strangled moan from him. His lips were moving in sync with mine in a way I haven’t felt before. It was obviously filled with desire and passion, but at the same time was loving and like he had all the time in the world to kiss me, deepening it slowly, letting his hand on my leg trail and gently squeeze my thigh.

It was vicious kissing him and I couldn’t stop myself from getting lost in all the sensations he was providing. I could feel him everywhere -on my tongue, on my lips, on my cheeks, on my sides, on the back of my neck, under me; his scent was all I could smell and he was all I could taste. The only sounds I was able to hear were the soft ones we couldn’t hold back and my heart beating wildly in my ears. It’s like my mind went completely blank and I swear I never felt this way by only kissing him or anyone without second intentions. Even though it was passionate, it wasn’t with sexual intentions, it was something much deeper than that.

He pulled back for air after what felt like a lifetime but not enough time altogether, but his hands didn’t let me go anywhere, not that I actually wanted to. He rested his forehead in mine as we caught our breaths, the two of us grinning like idiots as the wheel started going down. He placed a chaste kiss on my lips one more time and just stared into my eyes, like he could see my soul.

“I wasn’t going to talk to you about it today but....” he mumbled softly, his voice deep and with the raspy tone I love way too much “...when you asked me about the future, I said and still try to say that I’m not ready yet and that I don’t know, that I don’t think about it, but that’s a lie, I’ve thought about it recently and that’s all that’s been on my mind lately, and maybe it is time to settle down”

Holy shit, that’s what this whole trip thing is about. He’s about to say that what we have is over. That was a goodbye kiss or something like that, oh my God, that’s what Peter meant when he told me to be careful when he first heard about us. Raul’s collection of broken hearts were huge and everyone knew it. I should’ve known better.

“Raul... I don’t want to talk about it, please” I said getting away from his touch to clear my head

“But, Y/N” shit, he didn’t even called me ‘princess’ or whatever.

“Don’t, please don’t do this to me, I don’t want to go through this again”

“Okay, do you want to go back to the cabin?” he asked and I nodded, bracing myself as I finally felt the temperature falling “are you cold? Do you want my jacket?” he offered and I shook my head.

We hopped off the attraction as soon as we could and walked to the car in a deafening silence. The drive to the campsite seemed longer than it actually was, he kept stealing glances at me with a concerned expression all over his face, but I kept my glare outside the car, curled into a ball on the passenger seat. As soon as the car went into a full stop in front of where we would spend the night, I got out and went straight into the bathroom, locking the door and sitting on the floor, finally letting all the emotions I was holding back flow out into tears.

I finally thought I’ve found someone who could be the one for me, he actually treated me right and cared about me, but apparently I don’t get to have a happy ending. I’m just tired of always being the second choice or the ‘good time call’. And with him, I finally felt like I might’ve been the one. I guess that’s why everyone falls for him. He makes us feel special and then get bored, just to mine onto the next one. And the worst? He doesn’t do it on purpose, he told me he’s not the one to catch feelings and he did everything the promised, I was the one reading too much into it. And it’s all my fault.

Once I got over my pitiful situation, I got up and decided to shower, taking my sweet time to try to relax and get that boy out of my head. When I was done with it, I went back to the room wrapped up on a towel and there was no sight of him at all, but his stuff were still there, so I took the opportunity to grab a pair of a white lace lingerie (since all the pieces I brought were similar, I had to pick one), sweatpants and a hoodie. I changed into it and braided my hair loosely, grabbing a pair of uggs I went out to try to find him. Only to see him sitting by a campfire with a backpack beside him, wrapped in a blanket and holding a stick into the fire with a marshmallow on the end. I don’t know if he noticed me, but if he did, he didn’t show, he just stood there, staring at the flames with a sour expression.

“You should grab a blanket or go back inside” he mumbled after a while, making me jump because I wasn’t expecting him to talk to me at all after my little shit show.

“Hm, actually, can I talk to you?”

“Sure” he said sighing and eating the sugary treat, I took a deep breath and sat beside him on the wood improvised bench.

“You did the campfire”

“You said you wanted one, I wanted to do as many things you wanted today, and besides, I’ve already brought the wine and marshmallows”

“Yeah, I noticed your efforts, thank you for that” I said and he nodded.

“It was worth it” he said and the awkward silence was starting to come back until I decided to break it.

“I’m sorry, about the way I acted, there’s just no excuse for what I did, you’re trying to talk to me and I just snapped at you for no reason, I’m so sorry” I said looking at the fire.

“It’s not your fault, maybe we weren’t ready to talk about it”

��No, it is, I got everything wrong and didn’t even let you finished... we’re friends, it’s my job to listen to you and help you when you need it”

“I’m sorry”

“I’m sorry too” I said softly and curling myself into a ball to not freeze to death.

“Hey, come here” he said opening his blanket for me to get closer to him, and I obliged happily, being quickly engulfed in his warmth and his scent “if I give you a marshmallow, will we go back to normal?”

“Sure” I said smiling at him and he chuckled.

He offered me a glass of wine and I could not refuse it. We spent what felt like ages just talking about random stuff and eating marshmallows, holding each other to keep us warm. Raul really is amazing and I don’t know if I’m ready to loose all of this, I hope we can still be friends after this.

“So... can I ask you why you’re crying?”

“I wasn’t” I said hating myself from being so transparent.

“Princess...”

“I just... it’s stupid really... and you probably already imagine why so...”

“Oh, yeah, sorry about that”

“So... who’s the lucky girl?” I tried changing the subject a little.

“Lucky girl? Honey, you’ve had like a glass of whine, are you already drunk?”

“What? Don’t act like I’m the crazy one, I know okay? I’m over it, I just want to be a good friend and get to know her”

“Get to know who, Y/N?!”

“The girl you’ve been thinking about settling down and stuff, there’s a girl, right? Isn’t that why you want to end things with me?”

“What the hell are you... oh my God, Y/N!”

“What?” I asked and he started full on laughing “it’s not funny, you know?”

“Shit, sorry, princess” he said trying to hold back the laughter “there’s no girl, I’m not seeing anyone but you, thought you knew that already, and I’m not ending anything! Are you crazy? Why would I do that?”

“I don’t know, maybe you got bored and I don’t know, Raul, I just... I guess I got too confused about today and then you started talking about how you never thought about the future until now”

“Oh no, no, you got all wrong, there’s no other girl and I’m not bored, how could I be bored around you? You’re everything that’s been keeping me sane lately, I need you so fucking bad” he said looking quite desperate to make me believe on him “I know I suck at communicating and I need to work on that, but I thought that this was already too obvious”

“What?”

“You don’t know?”

“Know what?”

“Jesus Christ, you don’t know? What does all of our months together and today mean to you?”

“That you’re very loving and caring when you can, and the best friend I could ever had”

“Is that all? Nothing else came to your mind?”

“Hmm... no?”

“I’m fucking head over heels in love with you, dumbass”

“Wait a second... what?!”

“That’s what you heard, God, I can’t believe you didn’t notice!”

“How could I?”

“I took you to my parents, I dropped a lot of shifts just to cuddle the fuck out of you when you have a bad day or are your period, you’re the only one besides my family who’s seen the softest side of me, the only one besides my brothers who I tell everything to, the one I took five days off work to organize and take you to this trip on valentine’s day to keep you from being sad and also taking you on a date without freaking you out, to me we’ve been a lot more then special friends for ages now and I’m so sorry for that, I made the rule about no feelings allowed and I broke it, and I know you don’t feel the same, I just never thought you’d be so sad about it, or I wouldn’t even mention the subject of the future...”

“Shut up for like a second” I said cutting him off “are you telling me you’ve been in love with me this whole time and didn’t say a thing?”

“You’re crying half an hour ago, how did you expect me to tell you that earlier?!” He had a point. And I can’t believe I never noticed all the stuff he did for me and only me “Hm... can you say something?”

“Well, I guess I’m pretty dumb, cause I was crying cause I thought you wanted someone else and that hurt like hell cause I fell for you too”

“Are you kidding me?” he asked with the biggest smile on his face, he could literally light up the whole carnival if he wanted.

“Nope”

“You actually fell for me? Like I did for you?”

“Just like that” I said grinning like a freak.

He cupped my jaw with his massive hand and pulled me in for a kiss. It was like there were fireworks everywhere. His lips molded into mine like they’re made to be glued together forever. His tongue swiped on my bottom lip asking for me to open my mouth, which I did without even blinking, making Raul let out a soft groan, pulling me to straddle his thighs as he deepened the kiss, and not long after, trailing the down my neck with opened-mouth kisses, making me whimper lightly and soon I felt his smirk against my skin.

“Not the worst valentine’s day, eh?” he said kissing my forehead as we tried to recover from the kiss.

“Nope, definitely the best” I said cupping his face and kissing him all over again.

-*-

*Last piece inspired by the valentine’s day!

*Please reblog or like this post if you liked it so I’ll know.

*I’m sorry if there are any spelling mistakes.

*Please do not repost this without giving me the credit, this is a completely original piece and I do not give permission to copy this!

*Hope you guys enjoyed it!

*xoxo

-🌙

: @fivefeetapartt

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of-apples · 4 years

Text

i’m spending way too much time thinking of a good way to start this so fuck it! here we go! this messy little binch is maisie, aka pandora’s box, aka who?? aka does she even speak english?? aka oh actually if she could stop talking that would be great!! so yeah this is my child, just your regular art hoe/sad girl dumpster fire with anger Issues™ and daddy Issues™ please love her

(tw for abandonment, mental illness, death, substance use/sort of abuse)

-ok remember that time i said she has daddy issues? part 1 of that story is that her father left her and her mother when she was a baby, so that’s a super fun start to life! she grew up in park forest, illinois just south of chicago with her mom and grandmother. she was a quiet little kid who like to draw and use play-doh and play make-believe. she never had a lot of friends and she never really minded. like i guess she did sometimes? but she was mostly content to do her own thing or hang out with like one of four friends that she had

-she grew up into the weird art kid we all were knew. maisie never really spoke unless spoken to because being assertive was the worst thing in the world. and its kind of hard to make friends when you don't start conversations with people. but she had books! books were her friends! (and also a few friends, but books are more fun). but yeah that’s kind of the gist of young maisie, painfully shy and obsessed with art and reading/writing. also a nervous wreck but painting and writing helped with that.

-anyway if we’re just doing the dirty deets, then really the next thing you need to know is daddy issues part two: he’s dead! he died when she was sixteen, he didn’t tell her mom he was dying even though he knew he was and then he just fucking died and maisie was like ...i never met my dead dad what the FUCK (except she whispered it because my girl swears like a sailor but only under her breath). and her fun little ball of anxiety turned into a fun ball of anxiety and depression and she started being a little bit of a dick to her family, but only because she was sad and confused and feeling things she didn’t understand (like anger)

-and this was right around the time she was like... i guess i don’t matter? and i just want people to love me? literally anyone will do! and that is my simple way of saying sis does not care like 99% of the time if people treat her right, she does not think highly enough of herself to have any sort of standards

-and then, as she was retreating deeper into her little shell and screaming “what the fuck am i supposed to do now, universe?” her fuckin mom died. like just over a year later. she was a senior in high school. and now one of the two people she was closest two in the world was dead and she was an orphan so thats shitty. and then maisie said “you know what universe, you can go FUCK yourself” and that time she actually yelled the fuck part because life doesn’t matter, clearly. (also, technically she was an orphan but she does have her grandmother, an actual saint. we love you kuia!)

-aaand this is when her anger issues started! which makes sense, she had reason to be mad. but not necessarily at the things she ended up being mad at. which was usually other people. (who kind of deserved it? usually? just not to the degree of mad she gets) like in her defense, she usually gets mad at people when they repeat the same shitty behavior, act like a dick to her or someone she cares about, or acts like a dick to anyone really, or when they say or do something really fucked. but that’s not always the case. sometimes they accidentally cut ahead of her in line at bean me up (what? she was under caffeinated) or they took the last beer at a party (she was thirsty??) (she doesn’t only get mad at people for beverage-related things, those are just the examples that came to mind). anyway. she goes from 0 to 100 real quick, and let me please remind you that this girl does not speak unless spoken to and hates assertiveness so people around her are like???? who the fuck is this bitch?? and let’s just say the people she went to high school with don’t love her. she’s still like that at covington but she can control it more, and she actually talks to people sometimes, so it’s not quite as jarring

-ok i’m getting super tired so the rest is rapid fire: ya girl is a visual arts major, creative writing minor in her 3rd year. if you want to find her, she’ll be in the library. she actually parties a fair amount now, because substances help numb the pain and make it easier to talk to people. (healthy behavior! yay). to the few people who actually know her, she is extremely sweet and loyal. she’s pretty much always listening to music. she’s left handed and the side of her hand is pretty much always covered in ink. her favorite color is purple. she’s bisexual as fuck. there is paint on all of her clothes. she smells like an art supply store, which is often not a good thing. (although she is obsessed with this apricot moisturizer that kind of helps mask the paint fumes, idk why I'm sharing this but now you know!) classic nose in a book type person. journals every day. doodles in every class, even the ones she loves and pays attention to. always carries a book. honestly a lot of this boils down to the fact that i originally called her a manic pixie nightmare and that is a pretty accurate description.

-i feel like i’m missing stuff but i need to SLEEP. i won’t be on a lot in the next few days because i’m living that retail life and it’s almost christmas, but tomorrow night i’ll try to read everyone’s intros and send out plotting messages. in the meantime you should hit me up!! i want all the plots

-oh and she didn’t really know melanie? like at all? but melanie lived with griffin/the wolf in sheep’s clothing, who maisie is dating, so she knew of her. and also they were born on the same day. (birthday triplets with lucrezia!). please forgive my tired ass is this whole thing is a mess!

and here’s her full bio if you want to ignore how the page looks and read a lil more about her!

#covintro #idk if thats the tag but i think it is so I'm rolling with it

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jourdcns-blog · 7 years

Text

hold on a second — is that LAURA HARRIER i saw working on the sunny bay ship recently? oh wait, i was mistaken as it was actually JOURDAN DYER, a CISFEMALE who is TWENTY-TWO years old and is an intern as a KIDS ENTERTAINER. i heard when they’re not on the ship they’re studying DOCUMENTARY JOURNALISM which sounds pretty awesome! they are often described by their friends as CLEVER and COMPASSIONATE but also FACILE and RETICENT which means they are often labelled as THE HALCYON. i can’t wait to see what they have to offer on the ship!

HELLOOOOOO new friends!! i’m bay and according to buzzfeed i’m ‘random girl steve harrington’ described as ‘you don’t know how you got here, but you’re ready to throw down’ and surprisingly that’s.... accurate!! anyway! lemme introduce you to jourdan (aka lemme copy/paste a bunch of nonsense i already typed up). you dON’T HAVE TO READ ALL OF IT OKAY I JUST HAVE 000 SELF CONTROL

B A S I C S :

full name: jourdan emilia dyer

birthday: october 31st

likes: paper print, coffee, early mornings, dogs, the ocean, literature, basketball, tall socks, big sweatshirts, spring, bees, old stories, photography, national geographic, netflix, shopping on amazon prime, heated blankets, smoothies not milkshakes, rain, bonfires, sunflowers, dirt roads, fog, magic hour, witching hour, the ocean, chicago

dislikes: messy closets, spiders, wind, sandstorms, movies about sharks, ants, telephone towers, cornfields, rush hour traffic, delayed trains, basically being late, horror films, the hallmark channel, golf, math

jourdan aesthetics: overalls and old destination t-shirts, polaroid cameras–– the big ugly ones that aren’t cute and pastel, glitter freckles, sun tea, sunflowers, worn out converse, the smell of rain, natural hair, freshly cleaned sheets on a freshly made bed, long runs, old encyclopedias, ribbon, green grass, sunsets at 9pm, orange juice, murals, homemade vanilla ice-cream, sugary scented lotion, doodles in the margins of a book, color-sorted closets, bullet journals, rose gold, obnoxiously loud laughter

clever: jourdan is book smart, that can be seen on her transcripts, but she’s also very quick on her feet and good with words. she’s able to read people and situations, assess, and then choose the best actions for the best outcomes, and this cleverness is what makes her such a damn good journalist. it’s not a traditional kind of smart; it’s innovative and adaptable.

compassionate: jourdan loves people. loves people. she’s easy to get along with and has a knack for making people feel comfortable around her right off the bat, and that’s because she’s truly got a big heart. she cares about the well being of people, not because it benefits her in anyway but because she just genuinely cares. even if that means her friends label her the mom friend™.

facile: she’s easily taken advantage of, however, because she isn’t one to cause conflict face-to-face. she’s got a fear of rocking the boat which hinders her in her career, and it’s something she’s working on. her trusting nature and desire to make everyone happy makes her a pushover at times, which is frustrating for her and others.

reticent: she throws herself into making sure others are feeling okay because she doesn’t particularly like to face or reveal her own feelings. it’s always something with jourdan, whether it be ‘there are bigger problems’ or ‘I just don’t have the energy to discuss it right now’. because of this struggle to open up, a lot of her relationships are simply surface level, skin deep. very few get past that which makes for a relatively lonely life.

jourdan’s specialty id with people, pens, and paper. her interest in journalism began when she was young, forever interested in the boston globe’s spotlight team. her father gave her her first camera at the age of thirteen, and she was the only freshman on her high school’s newspaper writing staff. her love of journalism, documentary journalism to be specific, led her to northwestern university where she studies the craft and continues to push herself.

she’s adventurous, but she isn’t interested in being the face of a news station. she wants to be in the field with a notebook and her camera, living in her location and developing long stories over time. while her heart lies in the humanitarian subjects, she does have a selfish dream of being a travel journalist, hence her current internship. college is the time to be selfish, she reassured herself, so it’s okay to spend some time on a cruise ship before assignments send her to the grittier places around the world.

her thoughts are constantly running a million miles a minute, so her head is often times very scattered, and because she can’t control that curious thought process she has, she resorts to being very type-A with everything else. her notes, her room, her suitcases, and even the way she present herself are tidy and ‘perfect’.

she’s got some issues when it comes to dealing with her own problems, and she doesn’t really deal with them. instead she kind of throws herself into whatever project she’s currently working on. she was brought up to know that nothing comes without hard work, so she’s pretty relentless when it comes to stuff.

on the cruise, she’s really out looking for adventure. she wants to get a few of her own stories in before dedicating her life to the stories of others.

H I S T O R Y :

i’m not going to make you guys read everything so here’s the important bits: she grew up in the boston area, never knew her mom. she lived with her grandparents, her father, and two older brothers. dad was boston chief of police and grandparents ran a family restaurant. her dad passed away when she was 15, and her grandparents became her legal guardians. her brothers are both older, and they’re all in different parts of the country now!! uhhh yeah family is big in jourdan’s book, and if you want to read more about her past click here!

WANTED CONNECTIONS: THE U S U A L

childhood friends

roommates, whether it be on the ship or back at school!!

ride or die bffs

a sort of ~bad influence~

all the exes: good terms, bad terms, first love, childhood crushes... i love fluff. i love angst. whatever ur lil heart desires, mind prob does too

frenemies !!!

that late night, talking about the world and dreams, sitting on the deck and looking @ the stars friendship

so close you might as well be related

will they, won’t they

work buds !!

summer fling, and that’s ‘literally all it is’

bantering bffs like sarcastic as hell, kinda rude, but i’d die for u kinda thing

the confidant

i’m sure there’s a million more and i’m really best and building plots so !!!!! come @ me!!!

UH YEAH OKAY SO!!! that’s my kid.... hope u guys like her!! like this or IM me for plots/tentative connections bc i am READYYYYYYYYYYY

#this is UGLY #sunny:intro #–– « oh no not this again » –– ooc.

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darrycurtises · 7 years

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hey fam, do all of the aesthetic asks

thanks sun goddess ily

Flower Crown: when did you last sing to yourself

yesterday bc i always sing in the car, i think it was me putting “starman” “here comes the sun” and “ticket to the moon” on repeat the whole way home

Fairy Lights: if a crystal ball could tell you the truth about anything, what would you want to know?

i’d like to know what the world will be like in like a century bc i worry about the world i hope she’ll be ok

Daisies: what is the greatest accomplishment of your life

well i’m a seventeen yr old and not even one of the cool ones that compete in the olympics so its either like UH starting college @ 16 or being published in an official writing anthology

1975: what is the first happy memory that comes to your mind, recent or otherwise?

last year when i went to busch gardens w my sister n my mom and i got to hold a penguin named Turkey ON MY LAP i have pictures to document this (i was chubbier back then tho no judgment)

Matte: if you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you’re now living?

yeah i wouldn’t be fucking living in florida and going to school id be using whatever money i could to travel overseas, and then i’d go on a big crosscountry roadtrip

Black Nail Polish: do you have a bucket list? if so, what are the top three things?

not an official one, just vague “i’d like to do x someday” things

Moodboard: do you feel you had a happy childhood?

yes absolutely

Stars: when did you last cry in front of another person?

last week i went to a funeral and i cried so much they got a picture w me sobbing in the background

Plants: pick a person to stargaze with you, and explain why you picked them

my best friend tomas probably because he’s the only person who wouldnt make fun of me for stargazing

Converse: would you ever have a deep conversation with a stranger and open up to them?

BITVH NO LMAO I DONT EVEN TALK TO MY FRIENDS !!

Lace: when was your last three am conversation with someone, and who were they to you?

again, tomas, my best friend. about 4 days ago?

Handwriting: if you were about to die, and you could only say one more sentence to one more person, what would you say and to whom?

oh man i dont even know

Cactus: opinion on brown eyes?

i have them and i love them. got my brown eyed angels all over the place. i know like three people w not-brown eyes

Sunrise: pick a quote and describe what it means to you personally

Oil Paints: what would you title the autobiography of your life so far?

[Redacted]

Overalls: what would you do with one billion dollars?

id get new cars for my sister and mom bc theirs are v old like ten minutes to start and cough like a smoker old, and id pay my mom’s house off, pay off my sister’s student loans, deposit a lot to my grandma who’s living in an expensive nursing home, donate 2 houston, put away more for my college, lots of stuff

Combat Boots: are you a very forgiving person? do you like being this way?

Yes and yes

Winged Eyeliner: write a hundred letter word to your twelve year old self

I don’t need 100 words I just need to tell her to shut up, stop eating so much, try being friends w the girls you don’t like, they were actually nice, you’re not as funny as you think you are save your words for later and think before you speak. Also, thanks for attaching our self worth to our school performance, this isn’t sarcastic, its turning out really well for scholarships

Pastel: would you describe yourself as more punk or pastel?

Leaning more towards pastel, but honestly the most accurate thing would be primary colors/

Tattoos: how do you feel about tattoos and piercings? explain.

I like them but not on me

Piercings: do you wear a lot of makeup? why/why not?

I usually do a quick face for school, but if im in the mood then I like to do the most just because im a teenager and im living in a time of really weird fashion and this is the only time in my life where I’ll be ballsy enough and free enough to buy and wear green eyeshadow. You think that’ll fly when im 30 w a 9-5 job? I think not. Lemme get it outta my system now, while I have ~~~being a teenager~~~ to blame it on

Bands: talk about a song/band/lyric that has affected your life in some way.

This is gonna sound really depressing but I don’t believe in love bc of the avett brothers song “January wedding. He was so in love with her when he wrote it and for years I was like “this is love theyre so in love” and then bam we get the true sadness album and January wedding gets followed by “divorce separation blues.” Who can be that in love with someone and then just. Stop. I don’t get it, love isn’t real.

Messy Bun: the world is listening. pick one sentence you would tell them.

This is too much pressure

Cry Baby: list the concerts you have been to and talk about how they make you feel.

Ive seen the avett brothers 3 times and they were amazing every single time, just wowowow I got the “fuck it, im standing up and singing” mood. Ive also seen boston and foreigner, which were also fun, but mostly bc of the 50 yr old stoners in the crowds.

Grunge: who in the world would you most like to receive a letter from and what would you want it to say?

My papa, and I’d like it to say [classified] and maybe I’d like him to say [redacted].

Space: do you have a desk/workspace and how is it organised/not organised?

I have a permanent set up at the kitchen table from august thru may, and its perpetually in disarry.

White Bed Sheets: what is your night time routine?

Face mask, hair care, moisturizer, vanilla tea, set up the coffee maker for the next morning, pack my book bag, pray, bed.

Old Books: what’s one thing you don’t want your parents to know?

I’d like my mom not to know that she’s kind of annoying to watch movies w (it’d break her heart shes so sensitive aw) and id like my dad not to know where I live

Beaches: if you had to dye your hair how would you dye/style it and why?

I have dyed my hair I went red for a bit but now its brown. Id never do anything that require I bleach it bc I love myself and wont do that to my head

Eyes: pick five people to go on an excursion with you. who would you pick and where would you go/what would you do?

Id take my mom, sister, my friends [classified], [classified], and [classified] to new york w me so we can do horrible cheesy touristy stuff, and then I’d have them go w me on a cross country roadtrip

11:11: name three wishes and why you wish for them.

If I tell u my wish it wont come true

Painting: what is the best halloween costume you have ever put together? if none, make one up.

Its gonna be this year’s ive already perfected the make up im gonna be a mime and its amazing

Lightning: what’s the worst thing you’ve ever done while drunk or high?

Literally nothing ive never gotten high bc it seems uhhh not fun, but ive gotten a lil drunk before (I don’t like to drink bc it makes my head hurt and it’s a lot of calories) but I get sad id be a sad drunk so I just cried.

Thunder: what’s one thing you would never do for one million dollars?

Anything thatd harm a person/animal. Never kill, never maim. If u handed me a gun and said “shoot a deer ill give you a million dollars” I couldn’t do it. If I had to break someones arm for a million dollars I couldn’t do it.

Storms: you on only listen to one song for the rest of your life, or only see one person for the rest of your life. which and why?

Song, bc I love people, ill just listen to a podcast while I run I guess

Love: have you ever fallen in love? describe what it feels like to realize you’re in love.

Not really, only a little bit of an “I’d like to love them” sort of thing

Clouds: if you’re a boy, would you ever rock black nail polish? if you’re a girl, would you ever rock really really short hair?

Im a girl and id never rock short hair bc I don’t have the jaw for it, and I like my long hair to make my jaw look sharper

Coffee: what’s your starbucks order, and who would you trust to order for you, if anyone?

I just get iced black tea bc starbucks coffee is ass, and id trust my mom. Not my sister or my friends bc theyd get me sugar in my tea instead of unsweet w honey

Marble: what is the most important thing to you in your life right now?

The things my life has revolved around for years lmao my loved ones and school

#if you cant tell im a fucking loser #im doing notes right now #its friday night im doing notes i should be out #but no im in and im writing notes and theyre beautiful ill post then on my studyblr #also a bonus for how fucking lame i am: i have a separate studyblr and langblr #ask #answered

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lizardswithoutlegs · 7 years

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HOOOOOWOWOAH BOY

ART ASKS

when i walk into a building i get to eat everybodys pencils and they cant say no

do it

( also thanks for asking ! )

itd bother me a lot less if everybody came to my apartment and took one of these beautiful eggs

YEAH UNFORTUNATELY IM STILL..... WORKING THROUGH THE SAME WAITLIST but im comparatively REAL CLOSE to being done with it and i should be opening up sometime later in...... the Year

Boy Have I

theres This messy thing from a while back and then also

THIS, from even FURTHER back, when i didnt realize how fucking RED all the outlines on my things were because of the monitor i was using, two for the price of one

why not both

i do Not but it you ever see me walking on the street please throw handfuls of teeth at me theyre the only things my wretched body can digest and im always hungry

OH MAN ok so, an art telephone game is based on, of course, the game telephone, where one person says a phrase and then whispers it to the next person, and so on and on until the person at the very end says whatever they heard and if its done right the final sentence is wildly different than what you started with

an ART telephone game is the same kind of concept, except one person draws out a scene or character, and then other artists draw THEIR interpretation of whats going on, and so forth until the last person can end up with something COMPLETELY different than what the first scene was

youd think thered be less room for error with drawings, but as each person ONLY sees what the person ahead of them has made, they can get PRETTY OUT THERE - im gonna be a part of pythosarts game, and theyve done a couple of em before - for example one round started with THESE as the first two drawings

and then fourteen interpretations later, ended up with these as the final two

its good its real good

I Cant Control Where Bigfoot Goes, I Can Only Take Note Of Where Hes Been

YEAH, sort of ! on the main, iguanamouth, i have a bunch of different tags for art depending on what they are but not really a catchall one, BUT i do have an art only blog where everything gets tossed over !

HONESTLY THE ADVICE i got is basically what all art advice is gonna boil down to eventually - you gotta just. do it. you gotta DO it

absolutely nobody you know who draws things well started out at the level theyre currently at, and putting down the things youre visualizing onto paper is a combination of getting the the technical aspects down as much as getting the idea in your head

and that goes with figuring out anatomy and how bodies are put together ! ive got to use references for a Million things,. especially the dragon hoards - theres absolutely nothing wrong with using references for your drawings ! and being able to create accurate representations of things without looking is something that comes more with drawing something over and over and memorizing the body shape more than just, feeling like you should KNOW how to do something

so dont beat yourself up for needing references. if youre trying to shy away from them a little bit but still cant make something look nice without em, try using several different reference photos to put together an entirely different pose ?

theres ALSO the SHRIMP METHOD, which is great for practicing and getting good at one particular thing - this probably isnt SUPER HELPFUL but good luck !

god i tried. exactly ONCE maybe fourish years ago but it wasnt art, i was trying to stream the lion king movie and i had no idea what i was doing, i didnt realize i needed to wear headphones so the sound wouldnt snowball into a feedback loop of my own voice that never ended but i kept laughing and it kept distorting worse and worse, like the audio version of saving and resaving something as a jpeg

it was just me and my friend ronni in the stream and ONE other person who never left and never said anything and i kept addressing them out loud like WHO ARE YOU and that only compounded the noise problem and eventually i gave up

anyway i havent tried since

i uhhhhh dont think i COULD, really - fear especially is something thats kind of subjective and one persons Big Terror could be neutral or even cute to another person

like for me i used to have a lot of childhood fears about the ocean, and how deep and dark and vast it was, to the point where i couldnt play a lot of water levels in video games, even ( but i had almost drowned several times when i was Very young which probably had, a little somethin to do with that )

maybe sometime ill try to explore things IM afraid of, but its hard to encompass a psychological response in an image !! could be a fun experiment, though ! !

a few PLANT ANIMAL AZKZ, HUH, DONT HAVE A WORKING Z KEY

SHIT DUDE THESE ARE... SO GOOD thats the official name EVEN IF i didnt use. a daffodil as the flower base. it doesnt matter

yes

i got A BUNCH of flower and plant themed suggestions and theyre all REALLY GOOD ( way more than these ) but straight up im taking a break from em for a while - if anybody is else is reading this though you should definitely tackle one of em

WASABI ASKS

Do Not Feed Animals The Paste

i keep going back to read this ask because you could replace wasabi with my name and its the exact same. its the same. i feel like i have to hide somewhere

this was real and this is the award they gave us

there were other awards but the judges refused to give them out. they burned them in front of the other dogs. we won

it depends on the age ! wasabis pretty much an adult, so her sheds are pretty infrequent ( usually once every 7-8 months ) BUT when she was still growing back like 6 years ago, she would do a full-body shed every other month !

wasabi accepts tokens of appreciation in the form of : fruit, green beans. No Exceptions

i would never seperate wasabi from her hands

absolutely..... not. not even a little bit h h hh a this isnt a disney animal companion, i dont even know what “kind of like a dog” means with , a lizard who cant make any vocalizations or get up on their hind legs or NOTHIN sometimes if i hold a piece of fruit on my hand and she reaches for it she gets confused on whats what and tries to bite my fingers instead

ONCE WHEN SHE was attacking her reflection in a mirror i put my hand in front of her face to break eye contact and she SUNK HER TEETH RIGHT IN THERE but immediately let go like “oh whoops”

lissten . . . wasabi is so sharp, just absolutely everywhere, and these are the sharpest. the grabbers

heres a lil battle damage from earlier today actually

this is pretty tame BUT the long long lines are from claws, and the thinner, closer together ones are from holding her and her scales scraping against the skin. so not even just the Body is completely safe ! this is not an animal youre gonna wanna get your face real close to if theyre in a walkin mood

she doesnt even MEAN to scratch the shit outta me, its just kind of a byproduct of being a big tree lizard. her tail is absolutely the worst thing to get hit by though. the WORST. lucky me she doesnt attack anything that isnt a dog or a vacuum cleaner or her own reflection

ahhh i got her when i was 16 ! and i dont know her exact age but she was somewhere between 3-6 months when i get her - SHES probably closer to 9 years, but ive had her for about 8

LENGTH THOUGH...... the last time i measured her she was just barely under four and a half feet, but that was a few months ago and its possible shes. Just Slightly larger. shes currently sleeping as i type this so i guess we will never know

duel me

too late for coats..... its all tail action now

ROCK ASKS AND ALSO ASKS ABOUT PUTTING ROCKS IN YOUR MOUTH

oh MAN i feel you . . . . . . . . . . i dont think i could actually Bear To Eat any for real but some of em. just. they. i gotta. just. bite on em a LITTLE just a little bit, a tiny bit, a nibble

when i was real young i used to tap things against my teeth to tell what kind of substance they were made of based on the feeling/hardness/density WHATEVER and i still sometimes do it when im checking stuff out and. it uhhhhh sure is interesting finding out not a lot of people did that

a handful of these delicious raw agates, just for you

please stop spying on me

i DO NOT but you may eat this piece of bornite

meet me at the airport and ill cover your bus fair

theres a lotta different ways to figure out what kind of rocks you got but when you have absolutely no clue on where to start your best bet is to search for the biggest distinctive features of it, and try to narrow it down based on the results

like for something like these pieces of chalcedony, you could try “waxy green translucent mineral”, and from the search results find a few candidates that might be what you have on hand, and then look into each one to see if you can get a definite answer

ive got a handful of rock and mineral guide books that i always pick through whenever i snag something im not sure of, and if youre REAL into it those are always something you could start keeping an eye out for

now this is a REAL superficial way to telling what something is and wont be useful for a good chunk of minerals ( as a lot of samples can look really close to something else ) and THIS is a much more in depth way of telling something apart, but its also a lot more time consuming ! so good luck. and good eating.

Just Try And Fucking Stop Me

ANIMAL ASKS THAT ARENT............ ABOUT MY LIZARD

im married to this one actually

fuck. ok. heres. a secret. a In the ask Post secret. wasabi goes through a period that lasts a month every single year where she carries eggs in her gut, and spends that month not eating and digging around in everything, trying to find the right spot to lay these eggs. and. when it happens i never know what to do with them, and i dont want to just THROW THEM AWAY so i. eat them. i eat the eggs. i fuckin eat the eggs dude

Theyre All Goddesses

unless you plan on having your lizard roam around outside whenever they want, the outside environment doesnt really matter much for most reptiles as long as you set their habitat up right ! BUT i do know that australia has bans on certain reptiles ( iguanas are one of them ) and so youre gonna have to look up whats actually available in that area

bearded dragons are native and those are always a good option, but so are a lot of geckos - its really gonna depend on what youre into ( but i dont really recommend anoles if thats an option, because theyre fast as Hell and dont like being handled )

what the fuck is a bee

oh geez im sorry ! i remember going through this with spiders a lot when i was younger to the point where looking at photos of em used to be a fuckin, TRIAL

you could try a really gradual exposure deal, where you start off with getting comfortable with just images, and slowly working your way to dealing with one in a controlled setting ( like a petstore, maybe ? not HANDLING em or anything, but just being near one in a way where its absolutely impossible for them to touch you )

the shitty thing about this kind of phobia is that even if you KNOW its irrational theres sometimes not a lot you can do about it, but if you can stand looking at photos of them you could try learning up about them, and finding out the types of species youre likely to encounter around your house, and seeing how many ( if any ) are ones you should avoid ?

i know some people that have major problems with snakes are because theyre unsure if the ones they find are poisonous or not, and it might go a long way to confirm that the reptiles you meet wont be able to harm you even if they TRIED ( which is gonna be the case with a lotta house geckos, they cant do SHIT youre a GIANT )

very VERY few lizards have venomous bites, and the worst most of em can do is give you a bloody finger if theyre large enough, and even then its usually not much worse than a cat scratch !

still though, if youre really serious about trying to get past this, dont force yourself too quick into what you think you SHOULD be, and take tiny steps outta your comfort level when you can

this probably isnt uhhh SUPER helpful hh hhah but good luck ! shit im going through this post and its like ALL reptile photos. im sorry

i feel about them, with my hands

MMM it shouldnt HURT them unless theres something Really wrong, considering its a natural procession of growth, BUT its definitely itchy as hell, to the point where reptiles trying to remove it will drag their bodies over stones or walls tryin to get it off

sometimes wasabi drags her whole hind foot over her head like a dog to get it off and it is. a Sight

ahhh honestly there arent a lotta reptiles thatre gonna do much more than TOLERATE the touch and not really, enjoy it, like a dog or cat or bird

but speaking from experience with wasabi, youll probably want to avoid most the head and stick with the top of the back near the sides - wasabi doesnt enjoy having her tail messed with much either, but shes ok with her dewlap and feet being touched

the most important thing to keep an eye out for when youre touching one is their body language, because THATS gonna be a dead giveaway for whether you need to back off or not

closing their eyes is a sign of stress, not enjoyment ! same with tilting the head back, but if thats ALL theyre doing then youre probably not gonna face any retaliation

B U T if theyve got an extended dewlap with a raised body or tail off the ground, not a good idea to interact with em ! thats a defensive posture, and you risk getting hit with a tail or even bitten if your hand gets too close

youve got more to risk with males, who are way more territorial and generally larger, but if they seem pretty chill when you approach and dont stand up and stare at you, youre probably in the clear

COCK of the ROCK

I HAVE im so jealous of anybody whos got to see one in person - actually handling one is a level beyond that which i could even comprehend

OTHER THINGS.....

no but i was bit by a pigeon once

this is the only joke i know

i fuckin WISH !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ayy im into it - honestly i havent been following the band so much as just kinda, picking up whatever anybody else mentions and so my knowledge on Gorillaz Lore is pretty uhhhh h hh h scattered but im definitely interested in seeing where this goes

i remember watching the first and second season and it being pretty good - some of the episodes and jokes are hit and miss but you absolutely got me with the creature and alien design

havent seen any of the third season yet though !

i mean the fruit ones could be pretty up there

how bout. an abstract concept. who cares about physical forms wheres the dragon of melancholy

why come theres nothing to eat in my apartment but bread. im good otherwise but its all just bread

i havent watched either of em in YEARS and YEARS but i distinctly remember. these lil dancing mushrooms

oh wait FUCK

FUCK !!!!!!!!!

no... NO.... she is not allowed to eat ANYTHING from the plan shelf, try as she MIGHT

im a little mad that this sill isnt bigger because the only other one that gets sun is in my room and wasabi WIll... absolutely eat those. no doubt. a convenient and expensive salad, for my awful gremlin

god im looking at these and its all jade plants isnt it

little golden books taste the best but they can make you sick if you have too many at once. my favorite genre for snacking is sci fi fantasy but anything over 300 pages tends to get a little tough if you dont break it up with smaller chunks. non fictions always a gamble because the taste is wildly different each time but you can usually tell how ripe it is by the cover color

ayy im already a big fan of some of their stuff, ive got a couple songs from them in my music tag - im especially into i miss you and their shut up and bring it here remix

TOP FIVE THINGS

this is barely related but once i filled up a bathtub with water and then dumped about ten bags worth of mint tea into it and then just. soaked around in the tea. listen it was really nice. id try the cheese

i dont have any ships but i was on one of those model pirate boats once for a school trip. our boat was named naruto and the other one was named sasuke and the captains shouted “make them kiss” and ran them into each other. everybody on board drowned

youre trying to trick me into googling yoshi without shoes and its not going to work

me reading this message from the safety of my apartment :

nice try, but wrong again ! : )

THIS IS GOOD info, thank you

oh SHIT the other side of paradise, take a slice, life itself, and season 2 episode 3 are all my Big Faves

the way you phrased this makes me think you already have a strong opinion on it

hey uh. coming from a person who was absolutely CONVINCED that theyd be dead in the future when they were 12, a not insignificant part of that was me feeling that there was something irreversibly wrong with me for not behaving or acting in certain ways based on what was going downstairs

and obviously im still HERE but it means i can understand how devastatingly terrible it can feel when youre that young and it seems like the way you behave and feel are flawed, or dirty, and anything that can lessen that feeling and make you comfortable in your own body is huge, can save your life

not that im saying its always a LIFE OR DEATH decision !

i guess if youre viewing it as adults forcing a child into making decisions that you dont think theyre capable of understanding its easy to be hesitant about getting behind it, but nobody is forcing a child to be trans. nobody has tricked them into feeling this way. you cant just walk in and get started on treatment on an immediate whim - some programs require 2 YEARS of concrete evidence before theyll even consider it

i feel like you should try speaking to the parents of trans children before you really put down a concrete opinion on whether this is a good or bad thing, and seeing the difference ( if any ) its made in their lives

people whove detransitioned, or found they had ultimately a different identity than the one they were exploring could also be an avenue to look intto ! i have several acquaintances who, after a period of years, found they werent trans but wouldnt take back the time where they were figuring out if they were, and i know this doesnt invalidate the friends i have who ARE

ultimately this is what it boils down to for me : Its Sure Gotta Beat Being Dead

i WILL give you that ive definitely seen a lot of overreactions to seemingly innocuous topics on this website

but youve also got to keep in mind that everybody who is saying these things MEANS them, and to them theres a completely reasonable explanation to why they feel that way

im not saying you should blindly accept any criticism you get, but to instead try to get a grasp on WHY theyre responding the way they are instead of immediately dismissing it

its because i cant drive and they wont let me sit in the front on account of the smell

NICE THINGS

AHHHH I GOT.. a bunch of other really sweet messages to the point where id feel weird about putting em ALL UP BUT... IF YOU SENT ME SOMETHING i can promise i absolutely saw it and it made my day better and just, holy shit, thank you for taking time out of your life to say anything to me at all

because you didnt have to, even a little bit

youre all beautiful and im kissing you on the mouths all at once. no take backs

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kaedekayano · 7 years

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001; Kanzaki and Kayano. 002: Gakushuu Asano

oh boy i’m abt to get so excited and emotional fuck adkaldjahdhdjsd

kanzaki/kayano

when I started shipping it if I did: i don’t remember tbh. i always lowkey shipped it haha, but i don’t think i really realised it until @wassailtofivehundred was like !! yukikae !! and also i saw cute fanart and i rewatched a couple episodes (kyoto trip ehh) and i was like, fuck i really ship this. also a lot of it was b/c around december (the time i published be your own hero) i started liking kayano a lot more and then that made me salty bc nagisa/kayano was so poorly written and an injustice to her character. she deserved a person who she had actual chemistry with, and i think kanzaki is definitely that person (or one of them).

my thoughts: pure!! good!! beautiful and amazing!! i love it!! so much!! i’m working on a v v long yukikae kayano-POV fic right now and i’m excited to show it to y’all b/c i have trouble expressing how much/why i love characters/ships until i have a fic to support it, haha. but anyway i think kanzaki is really good for kayano b/c she’s so understanding and caring, and kayano is good for kanzaki because — look they just care so much abt each other okay they’re so Good.

What makes me happy about them: so good. so pure. so beautiful. they’re just healthy for each other and i love the idea of kayano’s best friend supporting her through all the shit she’s gone through because fuck, man, kayano’s mom and sister are dead, the only “friends” she had, she built her friendship on a lie, the teacher she tried to kill and then turned out not to be guilty is dead anyway (bye bye, purpose that kept her going for a year despite all her issues), the person she was for a year was a lie but — not all of it, okay, deep down kaede kayano/akari yukimura is still a good caring person and kanzaki knows it even if she did lie and the two of them supporting each other and I just — yeah

What makes me sad about them: i’m always full of salt about kayano so :/ i don’t like it when people don’t acknowledge the kayano arc happened/kayano’s real personality is very different from the one she pretended to be/she lied to the class for a year? yeah matsui just decided to forget about it and sideline her because he’s a shit writer and what the fuck is continuity, but that doesn’t mean you should follow his example. so it’d be great to see those issues acknowledged!! give me kanzaki understanding kayano did fucked-up things and is a messy person who was not the kind, cheerful, sweet girl she pretended to be and loving her anyway!! (acknowledge and justify the kayano arc for why it happened without throwing logic out the window, and i’ll personally send you a thank-you card)

things done in fanfic that annoys me: there are two fics on ao3 for yukikae, lol (i’m planning to remedy this because inexcusable!!). one is kayano third wheeling karmagisa w/ like 5 lines of actual yukikae (no offense to the author, the fic is fine, it’s just Not Yukikae). the other is green’s fic and admittedly there isn’t a lot of overtly romantic yukikae but it’s a really good fic and there’s good worldbuilding and concepts and y’all should read it

things I look for in fanfic: having it exist. that’s what i’m looking for. that being said, see above rant, because while there aren’t many fics about kanzaki (beautiful daughter pls love her more), there is plenty of fic about kayano and it is almost never accurate. it makes me sad. accurate, well-done characterization is what i Live for

Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: both of them, okuda. as previously mentioned, kanzaki, maybe yada? for kaede, rio, also yada, maybe kataoka (it’s mentioned kayano admires her and i don’t think that was a lie, akari seems like the type of girl who recognises and respects strength and competence in people). um. the 3-E girls are all good in general haha, the only person i can think of off the top of my head i’d say no to is okano with kanzaki because okano dislikes her and kanzaki is uncomfortable with that, so. :/ although seeing them work past it (and okano getting past her own insecurities regarding her femininity) would be cool, so even then, i can’t say Absolutely Never. just not nagisa/kayano pls

My happily ever after for them: sometime in their mid/late-20s, they move into an apartment together and own lots of books and cute stationery and various trinkets. also a cat. maybe other pets, like a hamster or a dog. kayano is a successful actress all over again but keeps her relationship with kanzaki not secret but lowkey. kanzaki is away from her parents and likes her job and reads a lot of books. their friends come visit them pretty frequently and the neighbors think they’re adorable. they’re happy.

who is the big spoon/little spoon: omg fuck i suck at this kind of thing. i think kayano would be the big spoon and kanzaki the little spoon but i don’t think they’d mind switching

what is their favorite non-sexual activity: um theyre fond of reading and decorating things (apartment they move into together) and baking and taking walks together. probably taking walks with the dog tbh. that was like 4 i dont know sorry im still in the developing stages of headcanons for these two ive only been highkey invested in this ship for like a month and a half okay

gakushuu asano

How I feel about this character: today i started thinking about him completely out of the blue, with no prompting, and then i sat down and wrote 4 pages in my notebook about an AU where ikeda doesn’t die and gakuhou remains a good dad. last sentence is “in another world, gakushuu asano is healthy and happy and okay.” this is pretty much how i am all day every day i love this child so much he’s just. i see a lot of myself in him (hes relatable okay) and he’s so amazing and brilliant and full of curiosity and potential and i!!! love!!! him!!!! i want him to be happy so much!!! i love him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

All the people I ship romantically with this character: karma (obviously haha), um. fuck. im really fond of renshuu (like really fond) but i usually ship it as ren having a one-sided crush on gakushuu that eventually concludes in ren realising shuu’s crushing unattainability (also i hc gakushuu as ace arospec and he’s kinda ehhh abt romance in general. projecting? me? yeah) and dealing with it and they become really really good best friends even tho it makes ren’s heart hurt a lil bit but mostly its okay. fuck i had a fic abt this i started months ago that i never finished i gotta do that but yeah i envision the virtuosos’ dynamic as being very very complicated in general. oh yeah i cant believe i said i ship karma/gakushuu only once in this post so far so anyway i ship karushuu i love karushuu karushuu is love karushuu is life

My non-romantic OTP for this character: the virtuosos of course its not like i wrote like 1k+ of meta on this hahahaha also gakushuu/isogai, gakushuu/kataoka (why cant we see his respect for her acknowledged as well i know isogai gets his own ep and all but kataoka is still important and is also a class rep :/), gakushuu/nagisa a little bit (i used to be super into it and i still kinda like it), i actually really like the idea of platonic!karushuu because those two are cute boyfriends but working their way from enemies to rivals with grudging respect for each other to best friends?? it’s good

My unpopular opinion about this character: he and karma are not the same person or quite frankly anywhere close to it. there’s lots of parallels they’re good narrative foils but seeing people act like gakushuu is just a recoloured karma makes me sad. pls no my son is so complex and wonderful and different pls pls understand this he’s not just karma akabane with orange hair he’s his own character and such a good one

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: he goes to MIT and is separated from his father’s awful awful toxic influence and lives a happy brilliant successful life and is emotionally okay. i mean it’s not non-canon hahaha but seeing it onscreen would’ve been cool. we can assume that happens anyway tho b/c it’s gakushuu. uhh seeing him interact with his mom onscreen (or like, seeing his mom at all) would’ve been really cool!!! for who i imagine his mom as, i pretty much just think of @cosmicyue‘s hideko asano headcanon :)

my OTP: karushuu obviously. ohh man i love these two nerds so fucking much okay. they hate each other so so much but they also have this respect for each other alright if i start talking about why i ship karushuu (something ive actually never done on this blog bc i dont want people to think im trying to push karushuu on everyone ajdkakdkajsh; theres hardly a shortage of karushuu shippers around) then im gonna b here all day and this is already really long. ill shut up

my cross over ship: none i dont rlly think about AC in relation to other fandoms tbh

a headcanon fact: i have so many. fuck. um one of my favorites (ive mentioned it before but) is that the asanos are both fluent in 3+ languages and they talk shit about people they look down on in those languages when they’re around those people, just to make people uncomfortable.

send me a ship, a character, or five characters

#gakushuu #ac #ask #yukikae #anonymous #also if my complaining abt nagikae bothers anyone (which i totally understand dw) let me know and i'll tag it :)

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deadcactuswalking · 6 years

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REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 26th August 2018

There are many, and I mean many, new arrivals this week so let’s just get on with it, I’ll try to keep everything brief.

Top 10

“Shotgun” by George Ezra stays steady at the top, as does its runner-up.

Yep, “In My Feelings” by Drake featuring City Girls is a non-mover as it stays at number-two.

“Eastside” by benny blanco, Khalid and Halsey, on the other hand, is moving up a spot straight to number-three. I’m legitimately surprised at how quickly this is increasing, but I really doubt this is going anywhere higher than here.

Oh, and we have our first of two top 10 debuts this week, with “Promises” by Calvin Harris and Sam Smith entering the charts at number-four, which would be impressive if it weren’t Calvin Harris and Sam Smith, who do stuff like this all the time.

I am happy that Loud Luxury and brando’s “Body” is entering the top five here, as it ascends a spot to number-five. The song’s really growing on me.

“God is a woman” by Ariana Grande takes advantage of the Sweetener album release and increases by six spaces to number-six. Not complaining at all, I like this song.

“No Brainer”, meanwhile, by DJ Khaled featuring Justin Bieber, Quavo and Chance the Rapper, has fell hard, four spots to number-seven.

Oh, and you know how a lot of artists stylise their songs in different ways? Well, Ariana Grande did that with every track from Sweetener (except one or two exceptions) and yeah, especially with the exceptions, it looks so unprofessional and lazy. I bring this up because the next song is called “breathin” and it’s by Ariana Grande featuring ILYA, debuting at number-eight. Come on, guys, your song title looks like a text message. At least it’s not in the same route as Aphex Twin or Lil Yachty, and their messy tracklists.

“Girls Like You” by Maroon 5 featuring Cardi B has not moved at number-nine.

Neither has “Taste” by Tyga featuring Offset, still barely clenching on at number-ten.

Climbers

There’s one. Literally one song has climbed by any notable amount. Other than one song, the biggest we have outside of the top 10 is by three spaces, so, yeah, the 14-spot climber, and the only climber worth talking about, is “Don’t Leave Me Alone” by David Guetta featuring Anne-Marie, now at #23, which I’m not necessarily bothered about at all.

Fallers

Now here is where it’s at. Let’s talk about all the relatively notable fallers, sorted by genre.

Starting with pop, we have “Youngblood” down eight positions to #15, while “If You’re Over Me” by Years & Years is down four spots to #33 and “2002” by Anne-Marie is down five spaces to #37.

EDM really suffered this week, though, as Jonas Blue’s “Rise” featuring Jack & Jack has descended 12 spaces to #17, Tiesto and Dzeko’s “Jackie Chan” featuring Preme and Post Malone is down a whopping 16 spots to #24, while Calvin Harris and Dua Lipa’s “One Kiss” slogs down six spaces to #28, right next to “Ocean” by Martin Garrix featuring Khalid, down four to #29.

Hip-hop and R&B had tough drops as well, hell, you could argue, they struggled even more. “Don’t Matter to Me” by Drake featuring Michael Jackson jumps down nine spots to #27, as Drake’s other track “Nonstop” has stopped gaining any traction down four spots to #30, while ZieZie’s “Fine Girl” is down five to #35, as Nicki Minaj’s “Bed” featuring Ariana Grande absolutely collapses by a whopping 16 positions straight to #39, ironically a spot away from #40, which has its spot taken by “I Like It” by Cardi B featuring Bad Bunny and J Balvin, down nine spaces from last week.

Dropouts

Usually, when there are a lot of losers, there come a lot of songs dropping out of the charts as well, and it’s not any different this week, as “Better Now” by Post Malone is just forced out of the charts from #16, with “STARGAZING” by Travis Scott closely following from #27. “This is Me” by Keala Settle and The Greatest Showman Ensemble is also out from #39, joining another soundtrack single from Mamma Mia! Here We Go Again, “When I Kissed the Teacher”, out from #40. The absolutely wretched “Barbie Dreams” by Nicki Minaj is out from #36, while “First Time” by M-22 featuring Medina is also pushed out from only #24. Wow, it was a massacre in terms of losers and drop-outs, probably due to the immense amount of new arrivals, despite a surprising lack of returning entries from the late Aretha Franklin, and any at all, for that matter.

The Ed Sheeran Update

Where’s Ed Sheeran, you ask? Well, “Perfect” hasn’t moved from #61 and “Shape of You” is down four spots to #80.

NEW ARRIVALS

Alright, I’ll try and keep all entries of a decent yet not extensive length, especially since there are freaking seven of these to talk about.

#36 – “In My Mind” – Dynoro and Gigi D’Agostino

So, from what I can gather, Dynoro is a mysterious UK producer who just recently made his breakthrough with this mash-up. Yeah, this is a remix, I suppose, but this is borderline mash-up as it not-so-subtly intertwines elements from both the 2012 track “In My Mind” by Ivan Gough, Feenixpawl and Georgi Kay and the hook of the song “L’amour toujours”, a song released in 2000 by Italian DJ Gigi D’Agostino, which was a smash hit in a lot of Europe, but didn’t chart here in the UK. Yeah, so they’re sampling two songs, one of which is a quite memorable and some may say nostalgic track in order to lazily find a way for people to remember their song so they can get a hit without much effort. All that aside, is the track good enough to redeem the shady business practices? No. Not really. As I said, it’s basically a mash-up so it’s hard to really judge the song on its own merits, especially as it’s just some generic house with a rather ugly bass-synth wobble and a mind-numbingly repetitive hook. Not feeling this one’s concept or execution, at all.

#31 – “Happier” – Marshmello and Bastille

Oh, hey, Bastille, doing another track with an EDM producer for no good reason! I do like these guys, though, they’ve made some damn good, catchy, fun indie pop and pop rock in the past, and I still return to some of their hits like “Good Grief” and “Pompeii” to this day. The collaboration they had with Craig David was... okay, but knowing Marshmello’s track record of being mostly utter garbage, I don’t exactly have high hopes, and after listening, I can’t blame myself. It has some pretty okay skittering percussion and some nice strings in the pre-chorus, but the drop is so weak, man. Bastille’s lead vocalist is not straining himself at all, but he’s not putting much effort in either, some of this just feels like talking over copy-and-pasted guitar strumming and a synth in the drop that sounds like it has better things to do than spending time with a hack like Marshmello. It probably does, to be perfectly honest. That last pre-chorus is pretty cool, though, because the members of Bastille actually get some good guitars in, and there is a bit more “oomph” to the production generally. That drop sucks so badly, though, God. The song ends with “I will go”, which is somewhat amusing, I suppose. Skip this.

#26 – “TOOTIMETOOTIMETOOTIME” – The 1975

Okay, first of all: what on Earth is that godawful song title and what the hell does it mean? Secondly, the 1975, what on God’s earth are you doing, and why?

It’s dancehall-ish pop. It’s tropical, vocal-sample-infected dance-pop with some Caribbean influences that are now typical of modern British popular music, with some awfully autotuned vocals from our lead singer, Matt Healy, here, who said just a few days or weeks prior, that no big rock band is doing anything unique or interesting right now, compared to what the 1975 is doing... you say, as you make one of the most predictable, trash-tier electro-pop songs I’ve ever heard, taking a page out of the Imagine Dragons’ book of separating yourself entirely from the rock scene. Healy’s band is one of the most popular rock bands at this point in time, so it’s expected for them to make some pop tunes, but given Healy’s pretentious lyrics in the last two tracks they’ve released, which I didn’t like as much I wanted to but at least appreciated for what they tried to do, as well as his recent statements, this song just seems rather hypocritical and (not like Healy would have changed this) borderline unlistenable and amateur. I can’t even say I expected much better.

#22 – “sweetener” – Ariana Grande featuring Pharrell

This is the first of two songs to debut from Ariana Grande’s newest, recently-released album Sweetener. Now, I haven’t listened to the album in full yet, but I am looking forward to as the singles seemed promising. I loved “no tears left to cry” and liked “God is a woman” and “the light is coming” a hell of a lot, so I’m excited to check out the record. The title track, however, does not really show any of the promise I saw in those singles. Jesus Christ, this is bad.

It starts with a pretty monotone piano melody while Grande sings pretty greatly as always, but then the percussion and bass kick in for a repetitive, kind of nonsensical hook, which is just pretty insufferable, while in the verses, Grande prefers to talk-sing over Pharrell’s goofy “sheesh!” ad-libs, which also repeat throughout the rest of this song, for some inexplicable reason. Yeah, I’m assuming Pharrell produced this, and I’m also assuming that whoever transcribed the Genius lyrics to this, who had to listen to this on full blast God knows how many times just to get the accurate transcription of those Pharrell ad-libs, because they seem to be subtly different each time and while I appreciate attention to detail, I hate when that detail goes into something as moronic and pointless as Pharrell ad-libs. This gets a “sheesh” from me.

#16 – “All I Am” – Jess Glynne

Oh, okay, more Jess Glynne, we needed that after the trainwreck that was “I’ll be There”. So, what specific parts of her potential will be wasted in this song? Actually, wasn’t this promoted by Spotify ads? It must be good then. Well, it’s not bad, but it’s not particularly interesting either. It’s just some desaturated piano and annoying yet only brief vocal samples backing some house-like rhythm and Jess Glynne’s as-pretty-much-always fantastic vocals, which are only really all that prominent in the catchy hook. The wobbly synth-bass that shows up throughout kind of feels somewhat out-of-place but it’s also barely noticeable outside of the verses, so, call me stumped. I have no opinion on this song whatever – the pros outweigh the cons but there are simply not enough of those pros to make it all that good. It’s okay. It’s not like I’d change the station but it’s not like I’d turn the volume up or anything.

#8 – “breathin” – Ariana Grande featuring ILYA

So, this is the ninth track from Sweetener, featuring production, instrumentation and uncredited background vocals from Ilya Salmanzadeh, or ILYA, and it not having Pharrell related to it at all should be good, right? Well, kinda? I love the vocals here, but I’m not surprised by that at all, instead I’m surprised by how fun this instrumental is for such a dramatic song about anxiety. There’s a barely noticeable bass supporting a pounding drum beat and some nice synth and piano melodies, as well as what I assume are pretty rapidly-clapped handclaps in the second verse, and the drop is pretty fun too, with Grande ad-libbing over what could either be some strings or vocal manipulation, it’s anyone’s guess, but you know, it sounds good enough, despite doing absolutely nothing for me. It’s listenable and I’m not going to say it isn’t a damn good attempt at an inspirational anthem, but I’m not really all that in the know about why this song was any special, out of all the songs on the tracklist. Maybe when I listen to the rest of the album, the reason will be is that the rest is pretty terrible, and knowing Pharrell and his attempts at producing modern pop music, that’s probably the reason, but I’ll see. For now, this is pretty okay, but I don’t see it growing on me in time as much as stuff like “Better Now” and “One Kiss” have.

#4 – “Promises” – Calvin Harris and Sam Smith

Now, part of me hoped this was going to be utter rubbish so I could ask Calvin Harris to “promise me no promises”, but even if it was, I don’t think it’d be all that worthy of any jokes being made out of it. There’s some nice UK Garage-influenced percussion that Sam Smith usually excels in, but those backing vocals are bloody awful and the laughing is obnoxious, and Sam doesn’t seem to be putting any effort in at all. It’s not even catchy, and the piano is nothing more than an additional instrument to add to what seems to be some kind of experimental minimalistic artsy masterpiece I just don’t get, I don’t know, I seriously don’t see the appeal or any reason I should write more than I already have. What is the point of this existing? I’m curious.

Conclusion

I don’t have much passion for this show in particular anymore, and it’s weeks like this which get me to that point. When the artists aren’t bothering whilst making the art, why should I bother analysing it? Anyway, since I kind of have to, Dishonourable Mention goes to The 1975 for “TOOTIMETOOTIMETOOTIME”, yep, that’s right, it’s not even getting Worst of the Week despite being one of the worst songs I’ve ever heard. The song that does its job as a pop song with the least care is “Promises”. Worst of the Week goes to Calvin Harris and Sam Smith for making a song that shouldn’t and probably doesn’t actually exist, yet here it is, and I don’t understand how this song even got in the top 100 other than star power. It’s not catchy, it’s not interesting and it’s barely even an accessible pop song, it’s just noise, with no real hook or anything that grabs me. Best of the Week goes to nothing and there’s nothing that is an Honourable Mention here, so why not tie Dishonourable Mention with Dynoro and Gigi D’Agostino for one of the laziest hit songs I’ve heard in a while, “In My Mind”, and introduce another category: “Sheesh of the Week”. The song that is just hilariously dumb and maybe even so bad it’s good gets Sheesh of the Week, and it’s pretty obvious that Pharrell and Ariana Grande get it this week for the category’s namesake, “breathin”. See ya next time!

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