I've been reading the Percy Jackson books for the first time over the past two weeks! Just finished "The Battle of the Labyrinth" last night (which btw is my favorite of the series so far!!)

I have now gained a new obsession but it might not be what you think

Hi spooky month fans, I'm back from the store and I got art

(Reblog if you like!!!)

i hate I HATE I HATE I HATE STEM programs i NEED to buy microsoft excel because the stupid free version doesnt have the stupid features i need AHHHGHGSJRHFSJDJKGKLFG im going to start killing and biting my professors and lab techs FUCK MY LIFE

rule no.1 when it comes to blocking people

if someone is harassing/making you uncomfortable/won’t stop dragging an argument

don’t under any circumstance tell them your blocking them cause then they’ll start talking all this sh-t and it’s just not gonna be a good time for you

just block em don’t say anything

just block

and they’ll never be able to say anything worth your while cause you blocked em

easy peasy lemon squeezy

Lysandre.

“You think you’re a funny man, huh.”

(HEY YOU KNOW THAT PERSON WHO'S NOT YOUR THERAPIST THAT YOU'VE BEEN WAITING TO FIX YOU FOR MONTHS?) (THEY WILL NOT FIX YOU!!) (STOP EXPECTING THEM TO FIX YOU!!) (IF THEY COULD HAVE THEY WOULD HAVE!!) (IT'S TIME TO FIND A BETTER APPROACH TO LIFE!!!)

LISTEN i know the focus of this week for the tumblr ted lasso community fans is the keely+colin+trent of it all, but I’m absolutely enraptured by ted’s mental health journey this season

i want to make a full post with everything so far but that will have to come later. for today it’s just: the ripping of the believe sign and the speech is SUCH a fundamental turning point for him. the moving away from external validation and fixes to the internal. the transition from blind positivity—the kind that comes from straight up refusing to see the negatives—to acknowledging the hurt and the pain and believing in hope anyway.

so much of this is tied up in the father/son dynamic w henry and ted and his father too. ted confronting the fact that his son is not perfect and has the capacity for harm. that maybe that isn’t a reflection on henry or his parenting or even on his own personality but jsut the truth… people cannot be happy all of the time. “if I’d just followed your advice, none of this would have happened” and that being something ted learned from HIS father… something ted is realizing might not be great advice to live by. that it’s not possible to never be angry or sad or hurting. that ignoring these things won’t make them go away.

the way that his thinking is changing!! it’s smth we see w the resurgence of the panic attacks and the way he deals with them also. moving away from just ignoring or distracting himself to push through. the repetitive reassurance that the people he loves more than anything are still here (he’s okay. he’s okay.) the way that reflects back on his own trauma and how accepting that is part of moving forward. “we all deserve to be loved, whether we’ve been hurt or hurt somebody else.” god. cannot wait to see where this goes from here

(and fyi next week’s episode is for sure named for the famous van gogh painting. the one he made to decorate a studio shared with friends, during a time in his life where he was not suffering but rather medicated and receiving support from people who loved him. one way or another this one’s gonna hurt)

You know what, I was ranting about shit to a certain Chinese friend of ours and I'm directly gonna say it, its absolutely fucked up now that I'm actually thinking about it that @/sophieinwonderland accused me of being pro-CCP and pushing CCP propaganda

Like a while ago when I found out about it, it was so wild it was funny, haha chinese people this that assuming we are all CCP haha classic racist fucking bullshit

But its only when I started explaining the history of attrocities and shit situations my family's home country INDONESIA was put through did I realize just how especially fucked it was.

Cause back in the whole cold war shit Indonesia has a supposedly pretty good guy as the founding President and what with the whole anti-communist vs communist push, and HONESTLY at this point I don't even know if they were thinking of discussing allying with the CCP because of all the fucking American propaganda

But seeing as Indonesia was communist in ideology, America literally fucking assisted in staging a coup that pushed both anti-communist rhetoric AND SPECIFICALLY anti-chinese rhetoric that resulted in the fucking bloody massacre of Chinese citizens in Indonesia. Literally people who were BORN and RAISED in Indonesia that had Chinese blood and were just as indoneisan as everyone else born and raised there were literally hunted and killed for being fucking Chinese because America both supported and helped push the rhetoric that Chinese = Communist = Bad = Murder them

And so Im fucking sitting here, with my parents having LITERALLY BEEN CHASED OUT OF INDONESIA FOR BEING CHINESE AND ACCUSED OF BEING EVIL COMMUNISTS BECAUSE THEY WERE LITERALLY BEING CHASED IN THE STREETS, having this white fucking bitch from America saying that I am ACTUALLY a secret CCP fucking agent trying to push fucking CCP propaganda

I'm sorry, I'm not.

My dad also was not

Unfortunately fucking Americans pushed that anyone who is Chinese is automatically CCP and that literally resulted in the death of A LOT of people like my dad who BTW has a lot of trauma for completely unknown reasons

Anyways I'm fucking pissed off. And ya know what, if I didnt have the fucking bitch blocked and probably wasn't also blocked by her, I would just @ her directly cause fuck you and the literal rhetoric that lead to fucking massacres of a "third world country" that literally jsut wanted to be left alone

And FYI; the coup resulted in the placement of a heavily corrupt western-ideology leader which directly increased the sheer amount of corruption in Indonesia but ok.

Like theres a whole fucking book on it that I haven't read cause it pisses me off but my sister read it and was like "lol yeah the US admitted to it" and its literally called the Jakarta Method

I probably missed some details and got it wrong cause shocker, I'm talking from my culture's lived experience and passed down fucking cultural trauma but whatever.

It's really fucked up.

Don't quote me on this cause I probably again, got details wrong, but that fucking rhetoric undeniably - by americas own admission - resulted in the death of many Indonesians on the premise of Those Evil Chinese Communists. I'm hesitant to post this cause again, I am speaking from released American documents and my family's personal reports and peer's reports so there might be errors, but ya know what, white americans?

Fuck off. Even if I got the details wrong in some places, it doesn't fucking matter because dear white americans, you still killed millions of people in indonesia in your crusade against communism so please miss me with accusing me - a first generation child from an Immigrant from Indonesia - an Evil Communist.

The sentiment in Indonesia still persists, enough so that when I met someone who was from China (who had a relative who was born and raised in indonesia) heard I was Indonesian-Chinese widened his eyes and went "ohhhhh" and commented that his relative doesn't go home to Indonesia anymore because its fucking dangerous.

Its fucking stupid.

Right so... been going crazy trying to catch up on the explosion of stuff peeps have been doing since the EPIC: The Musical Ocean Saga release, but. Got some downtime now, and I just wanted to post my reaction to listening to the songs, 'cause it was wild bro.

Fyi, this is all taking place at around 11:30 pm 24th Dec for me, as I'm an australian, so that would make it... uh, 8:30 am 24th Dec for americans I think? Idk, timezones are weird bro. Basically, I listened to the songs and then wrote down my immediate reactions at like 1 am lol.

*ahem*

OK HOLY SHIT HOLY FUCK. OK OK. They came out for australians. They CAME OUT FOR AUSTRALIA!!!!

I was on dicord, right? And then another australian says they're out, and i'm like wait what but there's still like 16 hours till midnight in est, but i look up 'luck runs out jorgre rivera-herrans' on yt (cause it's a unique name) and scroll down and FUCK IT'S THERE!! THE STANDARD AUTO TOPIC VERSION!! IT'S NOT EVEN MIDNIGHT HERE YET?? (23:24 at the time of discovery. The vid says it was uploaded 3 hrs ago already)

The piano. I heard the first notes of piano and ohhhhh shiiiit it's actually happening!!!

i opened the door and called out to mum 'cause i was still in disbelief and she was still awake and i was like "mum... i think it's out" or SOMETHIG LIKE THAT IDK THE EXACT WORDS. She said jokingly she'd thought i had an existential crisis and GIRL IT KINDA FELT LIKE IT?? I WAS NOT PREPARED! I WAS SUPPOSED TO HAVE ANOTHER 16 HOURS!

I tapped on the link thingy to the album in the description and then i had the album RIGHT THERE HOLY MOTHER OF JESUS. IT'S STORM. IN THE FLESH. THERE'S A FUCKING TRUMPET-

I did my civic duty and informed (read: screamed in all caps) to everyone in the discord while mum listened to the first song 'cause she said she was interested and asked and i was so excited and gave her my headphones to listen to storm and then I took em back once I was done and now it's time to go dark. I said goodnight to mum and... pressed play.

Here's the highlights:

Storm: mixing is on another level bro. The vocals, the harmonies, the chorus, and hearing all those snippets without breaks in between, actually flowing and making sense and that ending beat is AHHH-

It went so fast. It's three min long how did it go by so fast what-

Luck Runs Out: the piano is godly. They actually changed the melody of the 'you could be caught off guard' part. My first thought after ooo? Was 'damn it no longer sounds like shut up and dance w/ me' lol.

I think this one changed the most from the snippets. Jsut the way they say lines, and stray words. I love it. The harmonies-

KYFC: the intro is that one atmospheric snippet he did with the flutes!! Aeolus sounds so sassy compared to the old snippets oof hell yes! There's a small instrumental interlude between the first chorus and the crew asking about the bag which is new.

THE PENELOPE PART. OH. MY. GOD. I LEGIT TEARED UP, I WAS CRYING, I'M CRYING JUST THINKING ABOUT IT AND TYPING THIS OUT IT WAS SO FUCKING HEARTBREAKING.

Trying to hold them in his arms? Time to be that father he always wanted to be?? His eyes and heart and soul is heavy??? I'm FUCKING CRYING-

Also wow he really just stayed up for 9 days huh? Respect. Also, fuck those crewmates man. Bet they felt real stupid when it got them killed. Oh, wait, fuck it didn't Poseidon killed everyone but them oh hell nah- And Odysseus still goes to save them from Circe?? Bro. BRO. Just let them die. It ain't worth it.

And that's how Jorge introduces the land of the giants? Cool! I was wondering about that.

Poesiedon pull up! (Is it bad that i thought he sounded like ares in the pj musical there lmao-)

RUTHLESSNESS: it's here. Oh my lord it's here. Everyone stay calm. Fuck it IT'S FUCKING HERE!!

The chanting, Ody's terrified 'Poseidon...', the electric guitar on Poseidon's verse, the fucking growl in his voice is amazing, the 'Die.' is as;ihfd HELL FUCKING YES!!

I love that the 'Captain-!'s of the drowning men is more apparent here, and the silence afterwards... ooof you can hear Ody's horrified stuttered breaths and the way the lyric's changed to '43 left under your command' is soooo fucking good.

And then Ody's sudden defiance and the fucking burning in his eyes as he defies a god and escapes death- Yes. YES! It's so good-

... No wait it's over?? That's it??? WHYYYYY-

(Side note - the fact that there weren't any ads between vids is incredible and I thank the gods for this blessing.)

Ok, but all seriousness, that was incredible. I- I couldn't stop smiling. My face actually started hurting I was smiling so much. I was shaking the whole time, and I had to keep reminding myself to breathe, and- It was amazing. This was an amazing experience, and I'm so glad I could freak out to mum, and she was excited with me, and it was such a good surprise, like an actual chrismas gift from Jorge or some shit. I love it. I love this. Genuinely. It's an amazing thing he's given us and I thank him, sincerely. Thank you, Jorge, and everyone involved in creating this for people to enjoy and love. You should all be proud.

Thanks for reading me freak out, whoever made it to the end lmao. Tagging @dootznbootz because their rambles gave me the confidence to throw my own into the void. Thx :D

also an FYI anything is good with me that's in my limits and whatever we are already talking abt but dont fucking touch my tits it gets me so uncomfortable please (preferably dont mention touching them either but it's jsut kinda weird for me)

Welp....MMATS has like four chapters left including this next update jsut FYI

WIP WEDNESDAY

Not being tagged, just thought I could share some stuff I'm onto. :) Decided to tag others because I'd love to see an update from you as well (if you got sth, no pressure!).

So I'm tagging; @imaginarycyberpunk2023, @medtech-mara, @elvenbeard, @humberg, @ugh-my-back, @itzsassha, @kittenchrissy, @hydrasshole, @spicyraeman, @bnbc, @drunkchasind, @morganlefaye79, @gloryride FYI: some of you are currently hyperfixating bg3 I know; doesn't matter to me. You are welcome to share wips of this as well (even I'm not into it) bc you may have followers that may be interested to see that as well?

—

At first

So, last weekend I've been producing a little mass of Ryder in things VP I can now scatter over the next few weeks — at the cost of entirely neglecting my other boys once again. As always I feel bad about it, because they deserve attention as well (especially JJ bc he got the least atm, but @gloryride takes so pretty shippy pics of Enzo and him lately, I'm always melting when I get to see them! I'll give him and them love soon too I promise!). It is what it is — Ry happens to be my personal fav. I have to accept it and say it is okay.

— NPV

Some of you know I have him already as npv and I was about to get things ready for others who might be interested in taking pics of him or/and befriend him with their own ocs.

FYI: His npv is not only for me! So feel free to ask me about him. I do not bite (but he does) :)

However, just by using his npv version only a few times I knew I need more than the 15 outfits he already got due to story related things and general vp ideas with two or more ocs in my head. So only after like what? — barely three months he's going to receive an update with the rest of his outfits to be added. There's only one permission I'm waiting for. If I do not receive an answer in the next days, these two outfits will be added without that specific piece.

— VP

I. Nice pics

That I took a mass of him mainly happened bc I needed 2-3 pics for my info pdf as I grew tired of some older ones (without raytracing) and I was missing one for Formal, Summer and one for Merc anyways as well as the Special category, so I took pics in one of the outfits that are presented there.

I'll post them during the next few weeks. It's just pretty pics since their intention is more or less focused on the outfit in general.

I'm trying to get more interesting shots in between but I'm super critical with myself thinking my ideas aren't 'great', ' very conceptual' or 'interesting' enough (I do not feel forced to do it in the fandom, but I know I should do it ore often bc it is my job life too) – I do think the same about may daily business work and yet I receive comments from coworkers like 'You're so creative with this one' and 'glad I took your expertise', so I can't be that uncreative, heh?.

II. Sneak Peak

Y'all may have noticed that there's a new harness out for both female and male and ofc I was all bats about how it looks on Ry. So here I can show you his fine belly for now:

My Idea was to take pictures in green light (the Afterlife stairway). But once I started colorgrading afterwards in Adobe Lightroom, I almost deleted the entire green because the brown makes him look way more "realistic".

I'm torn between doing all pics this way or split it up into both. The green def. has a nice catch but I'm so sold to the colorgraded version. I want to bring him back together with Thyjs there anyways, so maybe I'll use the green for them instead and then pics in the Afterlife stairway make more sense (if I try think story wise) rather than jsut a nice photoset with lots of skin that could have been shot anywhere since you do not see wehere it is exactly. Next days will decide what I do with the green or not.

III. Reshots.

Ryder is turns 1 this year! September 17th is his creation day (his birthday is October 31st though). <3 So I took the opportunity to look at his first pics I did back in the day, where I had zero clue what to do with him. A few characteristics were set; like his black clothing only concept but in general I didn't know how he would react in pictures. Today I know!

Here's a another sneak peak. Taking him from emotionless oc to German Raver Dude™. <3

Fun fact: I forgot to add his blade cyberware back then on the first day and redid the pics already the next day (Sep. 18th) with the blades but left this pic on the left out bc I didn't like it that much. He looked at me like a psycho and made me think "Will I like you?"

Last year I tried to make my pics colorful, because Cyberpunk is a colorful game after all, but I forced myself to do bc usually my style is and always has been like the colors are in the right picture; desaturated, with a nice noise. I'm happy I went to retake his first pics and I'll continue with a few (e.g. The Atlantis, Konpeki red maybe too).

— FIC (snippet)

Here's one of my rp answers of a deep talk Ry and Arki are having during a rooftop party. It's only my reply so it's why Arki does not say anything here.

Ryder suddenly feels understood. He shifts into an upright position, placing one knee onto the other, his foot wobbling to the sound of the music playing in the background. Arki almost sounds like he’s battling the same, but on a different level. You feel like that too? Ry’s eyes get bigger and he gives off a rather surprised look as he listens further. He decides to sip his bottle again, takes a deep breath, then shifts into another position anew, looking at the reflection in the glass. “Yeah — ‘Bad. Enduring. Aggressing. Sinister. Termination.' — or in short: 'B.E.A.S.T.' That's how I started calling it that way.” Ry states, eyes back on him. “It forces me to do -bad-. It’s sort of an -enduring- beat in my head, I can beat Beast only for a time while listening to hard rave beats. — It makes me -aggressive- to no end. It -scares- me because out of not knowing what’s happening I am frightened to see what I’ve done again because— because it only ends with -termination- for my opponents while I’m just lucky to have survived each time.” Ryder adds with a cracking voice followed by a sigh.

Arki’s ‘You are not alone, Ryder’ gave Scharfenberg, to his own surprise, hope again. “Funny,” he lets out next, another tiny laugh leaving his lips. “Never thought someone could understand me, feel what I feel. And out of all it turns out to be you.” — He explained it to V and to Thy. They tried but will never understand it entirely because they do not –thank the netlords– have to deal with it as he has. “How it looks inside me, how it screams and yells in there. Tells me how I have to do it.”  I never wanted this, Ryder thinks for himself. Must kill! Beast barks at him immediately. Halt doch einfach mal die Fresse! Ryder yells back in German in his mind, his teeth bared a little behind lightly twitching lips as his expression slips for Arki to see. “But I—” he goes on, eyes continuing to fix onto Arki’s. Fetch me souls! “— how can I win? Be good? Get rid of it — the fire, the burning voice, the constant pounds and torment? That rage?” Ry throws in one question after another, gaze fixated on the other man as if he awaits an answer Arki surely may not have for him either after he told how he feels as well. Scharfenberg takes a bigger sip and enjoys the fizzing of the beer on his tongue again for a moment. “I can't escape it. Got to go the way it chases me. It’s an endless road.” His hand reaches up to rub his beard for a long moment as he leans back, hesitating if he should tell more or not. Let Arki eventually take part of his struggle he's been battling for almost eight years now. His gaze wanders off again to look literally everywhere, legs now both bob a certain rhythm even though the background music in the distance is currently off because Vijay seems to be searching for some other tunes. “For me it's a daily and constant ‘knock-knock’ that says: "Now where is that anger? That hunger to kill? You need it. Fetch me souls”—suddenly he swings back forth again, voice getting louder, teeth baring, white rings of his optics flaring up dangerously fixed back on Arki. ”Hey! — I'm here, don't you ignore me! Let me out! They harmed you. Kill them. Let me— Let me out! Must! Kill! All!" Ryder expresses himself citing Beast under repressed anger. He abruptly takes another big gulp, and falls back into the lounge, a heavy sigh leaving his lips as he’s busy for a moment pushing Beast back.

okay that was a lot actually. I could ad way more but I'll keep that for another wip post! xD

Thanks for reading and kudos to everyone who landed here!

my notifs have bbeen really fucked altely so eventualy ill follow peopel back but jsut as a fyi i block empyy blogs that have the defsult appearance

Such Fuckin Hot Anime Men Ramblings

Like why are there so many hot men in anime and otome games... smh I mean I am so grateful but FFS it should be a crime sometimes. Like these two men I would go to hell in back for one night in their bed... Holy Fuck!! Like ramblings of my head I swear its late but I would be fine with Arnold killing me after if need be but least I would go down happy with a grin on my face. I mean looking at these guys makes my freaking cervix ache... SMH why do we even care about real life men when we can drool over our anime guys instead... Thank you Japan, China, & Korea for giving us such hot men in anime. Below both are Korean jsut FYI.

Fyi, I joined twitter jsut so I could see Sandro. I refused to tough the bird app for my entire life period, look at what your son did to me/pos

first off, so sorry. second off, THANK YOU? SANDRO BRAINROT FOR ALL