Everybody Wants to Rule the World

Jon: Dad, come on. Of course Damian and I aren't going to take over the world.

Clark: I know, son. I-

Jon: I mean, of course we've talked about it.

Clark:

Clark: What?

Jon: Well, yeah. I'm one of the most powerful beings on the planet and Dami was literally raised to rule humanity.

Clark: Now, hold on-

Jon: And let's be honestly, we'd be a much better option than most of the other people vying for the job.

Clark: Son-

Jon: But we've discussed it and the logistics are just too complicated right now.

Clark *sweating*: Jonno-

Jon: I mean, first we'd have to decide on how to conquer the world in the first place. Like would it be through shadow Government, hostile takeover, enslavement...

Clark: Oh my g-

Jon: I thought Armageddon style might work. You know, less paperwork. But Dami's got OCD, he can't handle that kind of disorganization.

Clark: *horrified*

Jon: So, yeah. You have nothing to worry about. Dami and I have no plans to take over the world.

Clark:

Clark: T-that's.... great to hear, b-buddy.

Jon: At least not for another few years.

Clark: I'm sorry, wha-

Imagine if Jeredy knew about cloning thing, and if he and Jon would end up together, imagine if they'll just made their own clone. To Chase, it could be a bit of nightmare since all cloning thing he experienced, and just sees vietnam flashbacks. And or if Sophia allowed poly relationship, this thing could be even weirder for Chase to experience. Chase, living with two dads, one mother, step brother from dads, and son-brother Six, and having Six's other father nearby in jail.

Also, imagine if Six would not feel good after he got away from his normal family members, and so Chase and Sophia would stay sometimes with him for a night.

Also, imagine if Six actually had hair, but just Klipse was shaving it cause otherwise Six would be Jeredy.

Considering that Jeredy made Lock using Chase’s DNA, that man would do it and make a clone. Jeredy has much morals on using his family as Klipse, but makes that it’s a lighter shade of gray. Don’t fight me anon, those two used their children and made them go through hardship with no warnings about how mentally hurt they’ll become.

Yet, the question would be ‘Is Jon okay with this?’ Like Jon went AWOL from STORM because he didn’t like what they were doing, so would Jon actually be okay with having a child via cloning? Like Jon knows his clone would be loved, but considering some of Team Core Tech are actual orphans and they’re cool with Jon, wouldn’t Jon just adopt first before going straight to cloning?

And Sophia? Yeah, I only said the poly thing as a joke. She needs to run and take the boys with her. Run girl run for your man prefers someone else now.

And Chase? I think he needs to get a job soon because idk how much STORM would pay for therapy, but he’s in there now after Six told him that therapy is good for the mind. Heck, since my fic Six is married to a sovereign, Chase could just call Six for a familial asylum and a therapist. Which Six would grant because Six is also having Vietnam flashbacks after hearing what Jeredy is doing. Like if Six is the unfavorite of both families in his mind, he’s having a mental breakdown hearing that he’s never going to be family in Jeredy’s eyes and helping Chase escape Jeredy is his way to spite that man because Jeredy can’t touch a literal royal consort or else he’s facing the wrath of a dictator.

Still if the family is going through a poly, Chase, Sophia and Six are the most sane members in that family. Well, yes Six went psycho in season three, but like he’s not out there making his family messier than normal. And Chase and Sophia appreciate Six more than Jeredy because he’s actually sweet and loyal to them. Like every single time Six does miss his Klipse family, Chase and Sophia are there for him as he is there for them, and they let Six know he can always visit the remaining Klipse family members and have an actual nice family meeting with Hargrave, Dom, Drezz and Dawnmaster. Preferably without Jeredy to ruin the mood.

Also, Six cannot grow hair and he is happily fine with that. He really can’t stand Jeredy and looking like him would annoy Six. Ironically, Alex is nicknamed Six’s mini clone and he grows a ton of Suno colored hair, but he styles it like Eira so it’s fine.

If I Was A Flower Growing Wild And Free All I'd Want Is You To Be My Sweet Honey Bee Chapter 3 (Harley Quinn show, Harlivy, temporary Ivy x Kiteman, pregnant!Ivy)

Chapter 2 Chapter 4

Warnings: main character death (don’t worry, it’s not one anyone likes), violent murder, misogyny, body shaming

Harley was a bit awestruck as Ivy came out of her room. Over the four months Ivy had been pregnant Harley thought she somehow got prettier every day.

She looked like she was a bit further along than she was, they guessed she’d been accidentally helping the baby grow faster with her abilities. Currently she was in a floor length green dress with spaghetti straps and floral print. When they’d gone maternity wear shopping Ivy got frustrated at the lack of options in green and only agreed to get anything after Harley offered to dye it for her. Harley thought she looked like a goddess as she sleepily made her way to the kitchen. Her face falling as she noticed a gift basket on the counter “Oh, god..”

“It’s from penguin again.”

Ever since the news of Ivy’s pregnancy got out Oswald had been well and truly stricken with baby fever. He’d been absurdly nice to both her and Harley lately. “How does he keep figuring out what my favourite foods are...” Ivy mumbled, surveying the basket, angry that she actually appreciated it.

“He invited us to the lounge again.” The invites they’d been getting had seemed actually genuine this time.

“Let’s go.” Ivy said.

Harley sat up straight from we’re she’d been laying on the couch “What? He’s been inviting us for months and you wanted him to fuck off, now you want to go?”

“I’m getting stir crazy I guess.”

Frank laughed “Those hormones are no joke, Ivy actually wants a social life now.”

Ivy used her vines to shove Frank in a closet.

“Speaking of social life, how was your date with Chuck?” Harley asked.

Ivy got quiet, their date had just been both of them watching tv at her apartment “It was cool I guess but...”

“But what?”

“He is acting like I’m...not pregnant, I don’t know, it’s weird. He’s acting like I’m not carrying his kid right now.” Ivy sighed “I guess I’d be weirded out if he acknowledged it too much but he was acting clueless as to why I was going to the bathroom so much and why I couldn’t get comfortable. Maybe he’s in denial..”

“Or maybe he’s just stupid.”

That made Ivy laugh despite herself but she soon go serious again “I feel awkward around him like I can’t ask him to rub my back when it hurts like I ask you to.” As Ivy thought about it she realized she rarely had to actually ask Harley, the other woman always just knew when she was hurting. “Maybe you’d make a better baby daddy than him.” Ivy said absently, tracing circles on the counter top with her fingers.

Harley felt her face get hot “I’m gonna get ready.”

It only took a few seconds after entering the lounge for Oswald to make a beeline for Ivy and Harley, Ed in tow. “So glad you could finally make it, ladies!”

“My eyes are up here, fuckface.” Ivy said, as she noticed Oswald staring at her baby bump. Ed looked a bit dejected as Oswald cleared his throat and continued talking to Ivy “You know, I told my staff to serve you...and your emotional support clown,” he gave Harley a glare “anything you want, on the house.”

Ivy was a bit taken aback, she had only been planning to stay for a few minutes but she was kind of hungry and definitely didn’t feel like passing up free food.

Ivy was sitting by herself now as after they’d eaten Harley had migrated to the bar. She didn’t feel totally alone as she looked down at her stomach, she gently traced the floral patterns draped over it and got sort of lost within herself until someone sitting down next to her distracted her. It was Oswald “I wanted to talk to you about why I invited you here.”

Ivy gave him a look that said ‘get on with it’.

“I- uh...wanted to offer to cover all of your medical expenses for the rest of your pregnancy..” there was a shyness present in his voice.

Ivy’s brow furrowed “Why?”

“I-I’m just looking out for my fellow crimina-“

“You want to start a family but riddler isn’t sure and or doesn’t want to so you’re using me as an outlet for your pent up need to care for a baby?”

“Yes, ma’am...”

“Okay.”

“Okay...what?”

“You can pay for my medical stuff.”

“Oh, thank you!” Oswald said excitedly “You’re doing me a huge favour.” He said before getting up and walking away.

Ivy thought it was the other way around but brushed it off. Before she could get back to her thoughts someone else sat beside her. It was the scarecrow.

“What do you want?” She nearly growled.

“I was wondering if there have been any takers for the little one yet?”

“Why are you asking?”

“Well, I’d be willing to take it off your hands.”

Ivy had unconsciously wrapped her hands and some of her vines around her belly protectively “So you can do what? Experiment on them?”

“Yes.”

“No thanks.”

“Oh come on, it’s not like you want it.”

“Just because I’m not keeping the baby doesn’t mean I don’t care about them at all.”

“I would pay you a lot for it.”

“No thanks.”

Jon frowned “Have it your way.” He said coldly as he got up and walked away.

The next day Ivy was still a little spooked from Jon’s offer and feeling a bit guilty for different reasons. Harley and her crew had a meeting in the abandoned mall for the first time in a while to plan a heist only to figure out that none of their plans worked without Ivy. Ivy could tell everyone was a bit disappointed which made her feel guilty which had caused her to start crying. King Shark had made her a smoothie to help her feel better which she was still sucking on. Clay face and king shark left already but Dr. Psycho was still there while Harley was cleaning up. Psycho turned his attention to Ivy “This is exactly why I’ve always thought giant women are the ones who should handle having kids. When my ex-wife was pregnant she didn’t even show.”

Ivy rolled her eyes, trying to ignore him as he continued.

“Normal sized chicks just get fat and useless and ruin everything, and then they stay ugly after the pregnancy. You’ll probably look especially horrible since you looked anorexic befo-“

Ivy’s vines suddenly wrapped around Psycho’s head and neck quickly separating his head from his body and crushing it.

“Ivy!” Harley had only just turned around after finishing putting stuff away “I was about to do that!” She stomped.

“You should’ve called dibs.” Ivy stood up “I feel extra shitty now..”

“Do you wanna go get ice cream?”

Ivy’s spirits lifted a bit, Harley’s eagerness to make her feel better causing her to smile “Yeah..that would be nice.”

WILL AND BILL!!! bonding over music and horror movies!

AHHHH I LOVE IT!!

i could totally see will having been totally freaked out by horror movies as a kid, but after the upside down thing, he doesn’t really react to them

like the jump scares still that used to make him jump out of his skin no longer have much of an effect anymore

but billy loves horror movies. always has and always will. he likes the gore, he likes the fucked up mindset of the villains, and he laughs at jump scares

so all the party kids are going to the movies and steve and billy are babysitting because they have to (well steve’s there voluntary, billys there because his dad told him not to leave mac alone with “those boys.”)

but billy was in the aisle seat, will next to him, steve on the far end and all the other kids stuffed in between

and just as some lady is being hacked to death, billy chuckles at the same time as will, and in that moment, the boys looked at each other and burst out laughing together

dustin shushes them both from next to steve, but that just makes them laugh harder. on the screen, the crazy murderer is killing another person but the two williams just keep laughing

it isn’t discussed afterwards. every thinks billys a psycho, as usual, and think that will was just going along with it

one weekend, a few months later, there’s another horror movie is in the plans for that night, but prior to that, the kids are doing a whole buffet dinner at the byers house

jonathan is playing music from the stereo and all party members are required to bring some sort of appetizer or food

(they’re all hoping for mike’s mom’s meatballs)

but as they all file in one by one, the food builds up on the table and they’re just waiting for max (because those meatballs look so good and they promised not to eat until everyone got there)

and soon the roar of the camaro is drawing closer and soon max and billys arguing can be heard from beyond the door

joyce opens the door and they immediately stop arguing and put on sweet smiles

billy’s arms are holding about four tupperware containers and max is holding absolutely nothing

there’s a different baked good in each container, the kids notice as billy sets them down on the table

“so who has the good music taste?” billy asks in reference to the music playing that he’s humming along to

“mine and jon’s” will peeps up as he tries to swallow a meatball

“so much better than max’s madonna shit,”

will chuckles and max slaps billy’s shoulder at the comment

“max the cookies are good!” dustin says after a few minutes of conversation

“billy made ‘em!” max says with a bright smirk and billy’s face morphs into one of pure murder

dustin opens his mouth and let’s the bits of cookie fall back onto his plate and billy is still attempting to murder max with his eyes

will is starting to chuckle, then giggle, then he’s full on laughing at the image in front of him: dustin still has his tongue hanging out of his mouth, max is chuckling, billy is angrier than ever at his newly discovered hobby, and mike and lucas are still chowing down, partially oblivious to the situation

billy turns to a cackling will and let’s his own laughter trickle out and soon he was laughing as well

the two williams laughing away, weird looks from all around them

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A ROMANTIC CRISIS - Modern JonSa

***

Summary: What do you do when you have a crush on your brother's best friend?

And what if he's also your friend?

What if he freaking bites your lip after giving you a cupcake?

Sansa Stark is panicking and it's all Jon Snow's fault.

***

Notes: Prequel to “A Family Crisis”. One shot, can be found here as well.

***

Sansa Stark had been a very girly little girl. She wanted to be a princess; she loved unicorns and fairies, cupcakes and rainbows. She wore pink and danced ballet and baked cookies.

Catelyn was beside herself with such an adorable daughter and Ned was a proud dad, who called his daughter “princess” every night at bedtime, before kissing her forehead.

As Sansa started to grow she kept the whole girly thing in her life. After she passed the phase in which she thought boys were gross, she started dreaming about prince charming, a spring wedding and happily ever after.

She had a list of attributes for the perfect boyfriend and she knew what type of guy she wanted. Sansa imagined a million times how it would be to find this boy, dreamed of sunset kisses, rainy kisses and of everything sweet and gentle.

Then… Life happened.

For such a romantic Sansa had the worst taste in men. It was bloody ridiculous.

First, there was Joffrey, her first boyfriend, back in senior school. He was everything she’d wanted back then: handsome, rich, well educated; he was like a prince.

Only… He wasn’t.

Joffrey was a piece of shit. Unfortunately it took too long for Sansa to see what everybody else could see. It actually took him slapping her in front of his friends for her to understand. She had forgiven his cruel words, the way he spoke about her family –even though she shouldn’t have – and how he tried to mold her to his taste.

The slap she couldn’t forgive.

So it was goodbye, Joffrey.

She had a brief thing with Willas Tryel, Margaery’s brother, but it never went very far. She’d also rather not talk about that creep Petyr Baelish, who was her teacher on her last year and tried to manipulate her.

Then she went to college and fell head first for another piece of shit: Harry Hardying.

Harry was different from Joffrey, that’s for sure. He wasn’t deliberately cruel, he was a sexist pig, that’s it. He wanted her to be by his side whenever he “needed” her, being pretty, or having sex; and when he wanted to be alone, she had to be a good girl and wait for him at home.

After Harry –and a frightening encounter with Ramsay Bolton, the fucking psycho –Sansa had sworn off guys and this whole romance bullshit.

No more love stories, no more sunset kisses and no more fucking clichés.

God, she hated clichés.

And what was she right now?

A fucking cliché!

Why? Because she had gone ahead and fell in love with her brother’s best friend.

God, this was ridiculous.

Why???

Actually, she did know why, and –in her defense- it wasn’t like she had a long time crush on the guy. Those stupid feelings were brand new.

As opposed to her siblings Sansa had never been particularly close to Jon Snow. They all saw him as a brother and she only saw him as Robb’s best friend.

She wasn’t really mean to him, just indifferent. Jon was a bit of weirdo, always brooding, looking like someone had kicked his puppy or like he needed to be fed a sandwich.

Yes, she could admit that she had admired his form in school, but that was only because Robb had all but forced him to join the rugby team during their years at Senior School and he had started to get a pretty great shape. However, this was a platonic admiration. He looked good, she acknowledged that.

So, she didn’t have a crush on him during senior school and she didn’t get jealous over whoever he dated at the time.

Jon was Jon and that was all that Sansa saw.

Curiously, it was Harry who changed that.

She was home for Christmas when she saw a picture that made her stomach turn. Harry was at some party with two girls sitting on his lap; the subtitle to the picture said, “Enjoying being a single man.”

Most his friends had given “likes” to it, laughing that his “shackles” had been removed.

Sansa couldn’t believe that he was doing that; it was downright disrespectful, almost cruel. If Harry didn’t want to date anymore he could have just broken up with her.

She called him, decided to get an explanation. Harry made himself the victim as he called her crazy, controlling and paranoid, he said she didn’t trust him and was chocking him, and that there was nothing wrong with the picture.

Sansa had thrown her phone across the room, hidden her face in the pillow and cried. That was how Jon found her, 30 minutes later.

Poor guy. He had only gone there to call her for dinner –he was also staying there –but he sat down and listened to her until Arya came looking for them.

They became friends after that.

Jon was so fucking caring and generous. He was a great listener and his advice was amazingly insightful.

Slowly they started to get closer and closer: friends, drinking buddies, shopping companions –poor Jon, he was a true hero.

Cue in an inappropriate crush.

Sansa felt like screaming.

She tried to fight it, she really did. She was sure that Jon saw her only as an annoying little sister.

She was being ridiculous. This was ridiculous.

“You are ridiculous.” Margaery informed her, rolling her beautiful eyes. “No straight guy goes shopping with a woman if he doesn’t have every intention of fucking her.”

“Jon isn’t like that!” Sansa defended automatically.

Margaery snickered. “Keep telling yourself that.” She put her sunglasses back on. “Just seduce the man already. You’ll see I’m right then.”

The thing was, even though Sansa liked this idea, she had no idea of how to do it. Margaery had some ideas, but Sansa refused to dress something ridiculously short in front of him or make him jealous.

She wasn’t 15, for fuck’s sake.

She was going to be mature about this and maturely pretend that she felt nothing until it passed.

It was a very adult decision.

It was! It was a solid plan and she had every intention of sticking to it.

If it failed completely it was Jon’s fault and nobody else’s!

Lord, talk about embarrassing.

She had just finished the last test of that year at the University and was considering spending the whole day under her blankets when her doorbell rang.

Sansa considered staying right where she was, but years of being the polite and well-mannered girl couldn’t be ignored. She got up from the bed, still in her pajamas and half walked, half stumbled to the door.

When she pulled it open she had not expected to find Jon on the other side, but he was there anyway.

Sansa wished she had the strength to close the door on his face –his ridiculously handsome face –and run back to hide under her covers. However, this was Jon Snow, wearing jeans, a leather jacket, a freaking wool scarf, with his head a mess of dark curls and a smile on his lips.

What sane woman would close the door?

“Hey.” She smiled at him.

“Sorry. Did I wake you?” Jon asked embarrassed.

“No.” She replied quickly. “I was just being lazy.”

“You have the right to be lazy sometimes.” He smiled at her.

Sansa finally recovered her senses enough to realize they were still standing by her door. “Come in.”

Jon entered her apartment and she noticed the pink box in his hand.

“Are those…”

“Ridiculously expensive cupcakes?” Jon finished for her. “Yes, I bought them for you. I figured you deserved them, since you finished your tests.”

He offered her the box and Sansa almost cried at his thoughtfulness. Why did he have to be so amazing?

She went to sit on her couch, while Jon left his jacket and scarf on the hooks by the door. She opened the lid and saw four heavily frosted and decorated cupcakes.

“These are really great, Jon.” She giggled. “Want one?”

“No, thanks.” He sat by her. “If diabetes has a face… That’s it.” He indicated the pink cupcake she selected.

She showed him her tongue. “More for me.”

God, those cupcakes were overpriced, but they were amazing.

Jon started chuckling and Sansa turned to him confused. “What?”

“You have frosting all over your face.” He informed, a fond smile on his face.

Sansa felt her whole face getting red. “Oh my god! Where?” That was what she got for trying to bite the whole thing.

“Here. Let me help you.” Jon stretched his arm and brushed his thumb against the tip of her nose.

Sansa was still feeling pretty embarrassed –what was she? A child? –but those feelings took a turn when Jon brought his thumb to his mouth.

Sansa was almost certain she had an orgasm.

Jon was looking at her in a way she couldn’t explain. It was… Different. It was like he was seeing her for the very first time. He stretched his arm again, but this time he was closer than before and Sansa didn’t remember moving at all.

His thumb brushed her chin and he once again brought it to his mouth.

“Done?” She asked breathless.

“Just a bit more.” Was she crazy or had his voice gone all husky?

Okay, there were getting closer somehow and Sansa had no idea of how, because, this time, when Jon reached for her he barely had to stretch his arm. His thumb grazed the curve of her lower lip ridiculously slow.

After everything that had happened to her, Sansa had started to believe that whole sparks and fireworks thing was a lie. But the way this simple touch radiated through her body…

Time must be working slower than normal, because Jon’s thumb hadn’t even reached the middle of her lip when Sansa decided to say something. “Stop stealing my frosting.”

Stop stealing her frost? STOP STEALING HER FROST? Oh Lord, she was pathetic. Who said things like that?

She did apparently.

“No.” Jon said simply. “It’s sweeter than I thought. Now I want a bite.” He spoke the whole time looking at her lips.

Sansa wasn’t sure when he moved. She just knew that one moment they weren’t kissing and the next they were.

Not exactly kissing. Actually it was way hotter than that. Jon had bitten –bitten –her lower lip and sucked it gently and Sansa felt it all the way down to her toes.

She forgot how to breathe and she was pretty sure her heart forgot how to beat for a second.

Jon let go of her lip and Sansa… Well, she jumped on him. Like… Literally.

She gave him no warning, or time to brace himself. She just put her arms around his neck and kissed the hell out of him.

In her defense, he did start it with the whole lip-biting thing, and her reaction was completely justified.

At least she tried to see that way later, when she felt so absolutely humiliated by the way she threw herself at him.

In fact, it was so strong –was she that desperate? – that he fell on his back, against the couch’s arm, and she was sprawled on top of him. She kissed him, her mouth opened over his, her teeth tugging at his lips.

Their position was very uncomfortable, but she didn��t even think of stopping; not when he was kissing her back, his hands traveling up and down her back, never going too low.

Then she did the most stupid thing ever: she stopped. She paused the kiss, just for a second, just to catch her breath, but Jon had opened her eyes, and so had she.

It was like being dosed with a full bucket of icy water.

She could see the moment he realized exactly what they were doing, his expression going quickly from shock to panic.

Sansa scrambled off him to her feet so fast she almost fell. Jon also got up quickly, looking like he had no idea of what he should do that moment.

So, he made it worse by speaking.

“Sansa, I am so sorry. I shouldn’t have done that.”

Well, that was just great. He regretted kissing her, seconds after doing it. All she could think about was how his lips looked swollen and pink from the kissing, how she could feel her face sensitive from where his beard had scratched hers and he’d said sorry.

This was terrible.

“It’s okay.” She said, her voice tremulous. “I just remembered I have some things to do…”

She just wanted him to go, that was all, because this was awkward and embarrassing.

“Yes, of course.” Jon jumped at her words and she thought she couldn’t hurt worse than she did, but she was wrong. “I’ll just…” He pointed at the door.

He was so obviously shaken and uncomfortable with the whole thing that Sansa couldn’t even begrudge the fact that he wanted to leave this fast. She kind of wanted him gone as well.

“Yeah, sure. Call me later.” She gave him a weak smile.

“Yeah, I will.”

She didn’t think he would, but she smiled at him anyway and watched him go so fast, he actually left his scarf behind.

Once the door closed behind him, Sansa fell on the couch. She noted absentmindedly that she had sat on the forgotten cupcake.

This day really sucked.

XxX

Jon Snow was the worst friend ever.

He truly was.

Not only to Sansa, but also to Robb and the whole family. You don’t lust after your best friend’s little sister, even though it wasn’t just lust, and you sure as fuck didn’t kiss her like that.

He had bitten her lip!

Sansa must have thought he was some kind of pervert or something. This was such a mess.

He should have kept his distance. The moment he realized he was feeling differently towards Sansa he should have stayed away.

Theon used to say that every boy (or man) at some point had had a crush on Sansa Stark. Theon himself had no shame in admitting to anyone –Robb included –that he had a serious crush on the oldest Stark girl when she was around 15.

Robb would bark at his friend to shut up and proclaim Sansa too smart to ever fall for Theon’s tricks.

However, Jon knew that Theon was right. Jon had had a crush on Sansa too, when she was 17.

He never opened his mouth about it to anyone –much less Robb. He felt silly for thinking about her at all, because Sansa was going out with Joffrey Baratheon then and he was a rich boy from an influential family. Jon was aware that Sansa barely knew he existed outside of being Robb’s best friend.

Crushes are crushes and eventually they go away, just like that.

Now… He wasn’t so sure if his crush on her had truly faded at the time or just remained asleep until this moment.

He never expected them to become friends, much less after so many years of knowing each other, but he loved it. Sansa was crazy smart, funny and charming.

She was the whole package.

“Oy, why are you brooding so much, Snow?” Tormund demanded.

Jon sighed. “Nothing.”

Edd and Davos traded looks, but it was the older man that spoke. “Come on, Jon. You’re even quieter than usual.”

Jon had studied to be a civil engineer and he was currently working on a construction site with those men. They were all good men and they’d become quick friends.

Which made them very nosy.

“I did something stupid.” He admitted.

“You?” Edd asked incredulous. “I find that hard to believe.”

“I kissed my best friend’s sister.” He informed them.

Edd made a face. “Big brother is overprotective?”

“A lot.” Jon sighed. “And I understand it, Sansa is…” He sighed again.

“Wow.” Tormund looked amused. “You got it bad, Snow.”

“Shut up.” Jon grumbled.

“Right… But what happened exactly?” Davos wanted to know.

Jon gave a simple explanation of the day before, editing the most explicit details –like the part where he bit her.

“I don’t see the problem here.” Tormund declared. “She kissed you back.”

Jon opened his mouth to deny it, but then, for the first time, he allowed himself to think about it. He had spent the whole day martyring himself and never considered that.

She had kissed him back.

Sansa had kissed him.

“Oh.”

The three other man traded looks again. “You just realized that, didn’t you?” Edd asked.

“I… I guess so.”

Tormund rolled his eyes so hard that Jon worried they were going to fall off. “What’s wrong with you, boy? Girl kisses you, you kiss her back, and –like a gentleman –carry her to her room to fuck her.”

“Hey.” Jon’s look was full of warning.

Tormund just snorted. “Stop being a pussy, Snow.”

“Robb’s going to kill me.” Jon predicted.

“His sister is a big girl, Jon.” Davos said patiently. “I’m sure she can make her own choices.”

“But what if…”

“Snow!” Edd barked. “Stop stalling. Call the girl!”

XxX

“I’m so stupid, Marge. Why did I do something so stupid?”

Margaery rolled her eyes. She let Sansa vent for another minute as she watched the girl in front of her paint her nails. She really liked this shade of red.

“Are you done?” She asked Sansa.

“What do I do?” Sansa wanted to know.

Margaery rolled her eyes again, happy that her friend couldn’t see her, since she was on the other side of the line.

Mary, the girl doing her nails, gave Marge a sympathetic smile.

“Fuck him, I hope.”

“MARGAERY!”

“Sansa, he bit you.” Margaery reminded her. “Do you have any idea how hot that sounds?”

“But…”

“Sansa Stark, you either call that boy, tell him you want to fuck him, marry him –whatever –or I swear I gonna lock you two in a room and only let you out after you fucked.”

There was a prolonged silence from the other side, while Mary looked pretty impressed by Margaery’s threat.

“Sansa darling, are you still there?” Margaery asked.

“Yeah.” It was weak, but it’d do.

“Great. Hang up, call Jon. Get laid.”

“Ok…”

Margaery was feeling pretty satisfied with herself right now.

XxX

“Jon.”

“Sansa.”

Silence from both sides.

“Is this a good moment to talk?”

“Yes, I just got home.”

“Good.” Silence. “So…”

“I think we need to talk, Jon.”

“You’re right. Can we… Let’s have dinner.”

“Tonight?”

“Tomorrow.”

“Ok… Are we… Are we ok, Jon?”

“Of course! We just… I really think we should talk.”

“You’re right.”

Silence again.

“So… Tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow.”

“Where?”

“Wanna come over?”

“Better if you come here. If I go to your house we’ll eat pizza again.”

“What’s wrong with pizza?”

“No pizza in the middle of the week, Jon. That’s the rule, remember?”

“How can I forget? Your place then.”

“See you tomorrow.”

“See you, Sans.”

XxX

Sansa was in total control of herself. This wasn’t different from all the other times Jon had come over to have dinner with her.

They’d done it a thousand times.

They had never kissed before, but dinner, sure.

Sansa had taken a serious decision: –a very serious one –they needed to talk about it. It’d be terribly awkward, probably a bit humiliating, but it’d be fine in the end. Jon was a nice guy, so he’d never make her feel bad about something like that.

She just wanted to talk about it because she was scared that –if they didn’t –they’d grow apart. She preferred a thousand awkward conversations than losing Jon’s friendship.

Yes, she had heard what Margaery had said, but… She was still worried.

Sure, Jon had bitten her first –she was never getting over that –but he was the one that said sorry and that he shouldn’t have done it; so she was confused.

She wanted to believe that Jon didn’t see her as Robb’s little sister, but it was a bit difficult when he said shit like that.

Why dating had to be so difficult?

Not that she was dating Jon. Or that she thought they were going to date. It was just the general idea of dating.

She was pretty sure Jon would never want to date her. She was way different from his other girlfriends. She was almost sure she wasn’t his type.

Lip-biting excluded.

She could be mature. This was going to work out very well. She knew.

The doorbell rang.

Oh heavens…

XxX

Jon took a deep breath before pressing the doorbell. It was just dinner with Sansa, they’ve done it a thousand times before.

But they’d never kissed before.

He needed to make things right between them, which meant doing whatever she wanted. He was willing to pretend nothing ever happened if it was what she wanted, he just didn’t want them to become strangers.

Jon could handle anything but that.

The door opened, revealing Sansa. “Hey.” She smiled at him, but her smile was tremulous, like she wasn’t sure of anything. “Come in.”

Jon entered and showed her the ice cream he had in his hand. “I brought dessert.”

“Great.” Her smile was a bit more sincere now. “Come to kitchen. I have to put the casserole in the oven.”

Jon followed her silently to the kitchen, then put the ice cream in the freezer. “Sansa…”

She turned to him, the casserole on her hands. “Hum?”

Jon took the thing from her and put it on the counter. “I…” He took a deep breath. “Are we okay?”

Sansa opened her mouth, then closed it, then opened again. “You mean after you bit me?” She offered a bit dryly.

Jon cleared his throat again. “Something like that.”

Sansa crossed her arms. “Why did you do it?”

Jon could give her a thousand different answers; he could lie, he could give the answer he thought she wanted to hear, he could protect himself.

However, now, standing in front of her, he only wanted to say the truth. So he did.

“Because I’ve wanted to do that for a long time.” He replied honestly.

Sansa’s arms went slack and she looked perplexed. Jon wasn’t sure if it was a good sign.

“Sansa, I…” Lord, this was hard. “I’d never do anything to jeopardize our friendship, you know that, so if what I did was…”

He never got to finish that thought, because Sansa just grabbed him by the shoulders and pulled his mouth to hers.

She was kissing him.

Sansa Stark -The Sansa Stark -was kissing him! Again! She pulled him to her, she covered his mouth with hers.

Jon was in Heaven.

He kissed her back, pouring all his feelings into it. He sucked at speaking about what he felt, the words never came to him; he hoped that Sansa could understand him like this, that she could feel his love.

The kiss slowed, until they finally stopped. Jon cradled Sansa’s face between his hands, not letting her go too far. He dropped his forehead against her and gave her a gentle peck on the lips.

“If it’s a dream…” He murmured. “I don’t want to wake up.”

Sansa giggled breathlessly. “I’m glad you bit me.”

Jon groaned. “I wasn’t planning on that…”

She cut him with a short kiss. “It was hot.” She admitted. “Seriously hot. And there was I thinking you didn’t see me as a girl at all.”

Jon stepped back -just enough to be able to look into her eyes -and frowned. “Didn’t see you as a girl?” He snorted. “I’m quite aware of the fact that you’re female.’

She slapped his shoulder.” I thought you pictured me as Robb’s annoying sister.” She clarified.

“I tried to convince myself that was the case.” He admitted with a grimace. “I tried to think of you as Robb’s little sister, so I wouldn’t have to think about all the things I imagined…” He cut himself and cleared his throat.

Sansa arched a brow. “You imagined…” She prodded.

“Doing to you.” He finished.

“Oh…” Sansa bit her lower lip. “How detailed was your imagination?”

Jon looked at her with interest. “Very detailed. Explicit, actually.”

“Is that so?” She hummed.

Jon just nodded, fighting off a smirk.

“I think we should discuss that in detail.” Sansa concluded.

“I agree. But first…” He took a deep breath. “This… Us… I want it to be for real.”

“Me too.” She agreed, giving him a peck on the lips.

“So, before any of those detailed fantasies… How about dinner?”

Sansa groaned. “You seriously wanna take me out for dinner first?”

“I insist on a proper date.” He spoke solemnly. “I’m not an easy guy, you know?”

Sansa slapped his shoulder. “Not funny.”

“Date?” He offered, his hand touching her face.

“Date.”

They shared another kiss, then Sansa pulled back. “How are we going to tell Robb?”

“Oh fuck.”

Part 2 of the “Brave” Connection in Season 2: Tears Aren’t a Woman’s Only Weapon

This is part 2 of my post discussing the scenes in season 2 that are pinpointed with the word “brave”. 

Predictions that comes from the first part is the kidnapping of Sansa by Cersei based on the parallel between different characters linked by the Lannister lion necklace. Furthermore since I predict that Sansa is going to be pregnant when taken by Cersei, some scenes I discuss there can be interpreted as a clue that the child would probably be a bastard. The last prediction I discussed there supports the theory that Jon is going to lose an eye, possibly as a price to pay for stealing back Sansa from Cersei.

By the way, for those who aren’t convinced that Sansa is going to be pregnant, would Bobby B screaming it will? Back in part 1, I establish a link through the word “whore” between Sansa and the characters that were used to foreshadow her faith.

Robert Baratheon and Eddard Stark in 1x05 - The Wolf and the Lion

No? Well, here in the second part I will discuss the foreshadowing that supports my prediction that Sansa is going to be pregnant when taken by Cersei and that someone is going to try to kill the baby (like the dialogue above telling you). I can only make guesses on who that someone is, but I propose the possibility for that someone to be not Cersei.

Please don’t be mad at me for this, I am so horrified by it too and I could be totally wrong about this and I hope I am wrong, but I found what I found and now I will let you guys decide whether I’m a complete psycho or not. Please stay tune for this very heartwarming prediction....

First again I’m going to point out Jonsa parallel in 2x06/2x07. This is where Ygritte is telling Jon that he is brave and Sansa telling Sandor that the same.

Ygritte to Jon Snow in 2x06 - The Old Gods and the New

Sansa Stark to Sandor Clegane in 2x07 - A Man Without Honor

Therefore I marked “brave” as a word where we should be paying attention when it is said. There are two other scenes in season 2 with “brave” dialogue and I have discussed the other one in part 1.

Now I’m going to discuss this one where we have Gilly saying it to Sam when he saved her from Ghost.

Gilly to Samwell Tarly in 2x02 - The Night Lands

What scene that follows after that?

A. Shot. Of. Long. Claw. Need I say more?

Then what?

Sam is asking Jon to help him help Gilly.

Sam wanted to take Gilly away.

So that’s stealing away a pregnant woman. 

A fun bit: will Sam be delivering the baby as well?

Now that was sweet. Here comes the bitter part. Gilly is afraid that she will have a baby boy.

But then ran off before finishing her sentence because she’s too afraid to tell Jon what would happen if she has a boy.

Do we know anyone who is afraid that she won’t have a baby boy?

Sansa Stark and Septa Mordane in 1x04 - Cripples, Bastards and Broken Things.

Sansa is afraid she will have a girl, because a queen’s duty is to provide an heir for the king. A baby boy is a king’s heir, and an heir with a claim to throne becomes a threat to a residing power.

Wait, but I was wrong about something. There is another instance where the word brave is used in season 2.

Catelyn Stark in 2x03 - What is Dead May Never Die

And after that, what was happening in Renly’s storyline?

Your enemies aren’t happy about us. They want to tear us apart. And the best way to stop them is to put your baby in my belly.

Margaery Tyrell in 2x03 - What is Dead May Never Die

How many times have the show put out the importance of an heir for a dynasty? There’s one with Daenerys, with Sansa and Tyrion, and so forth. And how does one produced an heir? By conceiving, carrying and give birth to it.

Cersei Lannister to Sansa Stark in 2x09 - Blackwater

Cersei was talking about seducing Stannis Baratheon, but that’s not the only way to use what’s between a woman’s legs. It is also used to give birth to a king’s heir. The parallel between Sansa and Elizabeth of York is well known, and forgive me if my English history is informed by The White Princess, but in that show Henry Tudor had to make sure EoY can bear his children before marrying her and making her queen. After she’s pregnant with his child, then Henry married and crowned her. His heir helped him lock his claim to throne, especially that this heir have a claim from his mother’s side too, a strong York name. Their first boy is technically a bastard and he died before becoming a king.

I recently read a post by @fortunatelylori saying that child birth is woman’s battlefield in the medieval times. Look what is Cersei saying to Sansa here when they are being attack by Stannis.

At that time Sansa was having her period. Probably the next time she will be in labour to give birth to the king’s heir.

Again, for the question on whether the child will be a bastard or not, there’s some clues here. Cersei also told Sansa that if the city is sacked the women who was with them will be raped and

Come the morning she will no longer have a bastard in her belly because she has gave birth to it.

Now let’s go back to the Gilly episode. After we talk about Gilly giving birth to a baby boy, we are given this scene.

Ross and Littlefinger in 2x02 - The Night Lands

She’s talking about a baby who was Robert Baratheon’s bastard who was killed because they are perceived as a threat to Joffrey’s kingship. That baby was a girl and was killed all the same. Imagine if it’s a boy.

Then Tyrion sent Janos Slynt to the Wall because of this.

Tyrion Lannister to Janos Slynt in 2x02 - The Night Lands

Furthermore some clues that may perhaps show that the baby will be killed by somebody who is paid to do so.

Janos Slynt to Tyrion Lannister in 2x02 - The Nights Land

Tyrion Lannister and Bronn in 2x02 - The Night Lands

So, who will be ordering the kill? Let’s take a look on our possible perpetrators.

First up, Cersei. D’uh! She’s the one who would be kidnapping Sansa after all, to take revenge for her first born son. Wouldn’t it be fitting for her to kill her first born child too? Plus, Cersei now has an army which she paid for. However take a look at this dialogue.

Tyrion Lannister to Cersei in 2x02 - The Night Lands

No, it was Joffrey. Would Cersei have the heart to kill babies when she has loved her own children very much? Especially if it’s Sansa’s baby who would be the bastard child of her brother? Sansa, with whom she have complicated and twisted sort of mother-daughter relationship? I kinda think this will be Cersei’s turning point. What if her mercy towards Sansa will be her doom? What if it is a point where the younger more beautiful queen cast her down? What if it’s when she could no longer do what’s need to be done to stay in power.

When you play the game of thrones, you win or you die.

Cersei Lannister in 1x07 - You Win or You Die

I did unspeakable things to protect my family. Or watch does being done on my orders. And whatever I imagine necessary for the safety of House Tyrell, I did. But your sister has done things I was incapable of imagining. She’s a monster, you do know that?

Olenna Tyrell in 7x03 - The Queen’s Justice

What if the most ruthless player in the Game of Thrones, as proven by the statement by Lady Olenna above, couldn’t imagine hurting a child?

Cersei Lannister to Sansa Stark in 2x07 - A Man Without Honor

Cersei has maternal affection towards Sansa like she’s somewhat her own daughter when she’s really not, and that is the irony of her own advice. 

Shae to Sansa Stark in 2x09 - Blackwater

And when Sansa gave birth to a child then there it is the grandchild that was promised. (Thank you @une-nuit-pour-se-souvenir for reminding me of this scene)

Cersei Lannister to Catelyn Stark in 1x01 - Winter is Coming

I think I’ve made my point. Cersei is definitely the top contender but the story could choose not to go that way. So now on to the next. The Night’s King is also an obvious candidate because he is already killing babies and Gilly’s son was supposed to be offered to him. There’s nothing to discuss here. It is indeed a very possible option. An option I would hate because that sounded like a j0nerys dream plot. I’m afraid a magic incest baby is already trademarked by them, so I’ll just mention it because it has to be mentioned, but no I don’t like it.

Now next, answer this fun trivia. While Lena Headey said that she is rooting for her character, which actress who was so horrified by her character’s plot in season 8 that she had to walk around aimlessly for hours?

Her stan will have my head for even trying to suggest it and it’s true, it’s quite a wild and baseless accusation and I have no material to back it up save for the actress’ reaction to her character’s plot (and it could be a reaction to any number of things). I haven’t found any foreshadowing to suggest she is capable of and will kill babies for power. However, she has the motives to do that. Obviously, a nephew who has better claim than she is and has an heir from a woman with a great name gives a motive. Especially that she is incapable of producing an heir for herself and she’s avoiding to deal with this small issue. Also, what if she got pregnant and had a miscarriage? Wouldn’t that send her to the edge? Guys, I’m so scared of a j0nerys marriage at this point. Why? Call me insane, but how about a parallel between Jon and Renly Baratheon?

1x05/7x01 and 1x06/7x07

I know, I know, the dialogue parallel is a bit flimsy, but whatever.

So we have a brother-sister-spouse trio. Jaime-Cersei-Robert, Loras-Renly-Margaery and now maybe Sansa-Jon-D*enerys. One sibling is married to another person while being in love with the other person (whether it’s incestuous or gay). Each have an expert swordsman; Jaime, Loras and Jon.

I mean, I’m sure they’ll give us a jonsa ending, but I think they will fucked us up first. Again, this prediction could be insane, but if it happens, I’ll be prepared. (no, I won’t, I will never be prepared for a j0nerys marriage). Imagine, the j0neryses will have their wedding and the jonsas will have their romance but not in way that each shippers really would have wanted it to be.

And I know, the politics doesn’t make sense for a j0nerys marriage bla bla bla, but Jon’s obsession protecting the people from the Night’s King made any normal politics becomes insensible if I may argue. And beside, again, I still believe we will get jonsa at the end.

Say, if Jon married D*ny while having an affair with Sansa and both got pregnant it would made sense for one to want to kill the bastard baby. And what if she had a miscarriage? Remember that Renly was murdered by a shadow baby. If it’s going to happen in a less literal sense with Jon, perhaps he doesn’t want to marry D*any but he has to because she was pregnant. When he could have married the one he really wanted! That’s kinda like being stabbed in the back by a shadow baby.

I’m just putting it out there for consideration, that is if this theory made any sense at all from the first place.

Littlefinger in 2x02 - The Night Lands

Could you write something sweet for Norman? ^^

((Always!  I doubt you care but I went on IMCDB so now I have to share this info. The car they drive in this is a 1947 Ford Coupe, only relevant cause this exact car was used in Psycho IV but also due to the fact that, while in the original Norman is never seen driving, every notable car in the film is a Ford due to the fact that the company was funding his television show. So know you know I’m a huge dork, and some useless trivia! Anywho, spot the movie references (Are they even references if I’m directly alluding to them lol)! Bonus points if you can figure out the film they end up seeing. ; ) Warning: This started out sweet and fluffy and it still ain’t smut but I was listening to Britney Spears when I wrote this, it gets pretty suggestive, and y’all make-out so I figured I should say something.

Business at the motel had been very good lately. While the creation of the highway had initially nearly drove the place out of business, just recently, a new factory complex had moved its central location to a town right nearby, leading to a large increase in foot traffic around the motel. While it did mean you and Norman had to work pretty hard to keep everything running tip-top, the extra spending cash laying around was a pleasant change. It allowed for nights like tonight. You and Norman had been planning a date night for awhile now, just a chance for you two to get out of the motel for bit. You had arranged for a trusted friend of yours from in town to watch the place for a bit. That way no profits would be lost, and Norman wouldn’t spend all night worrying something was happening to it.

You two decided to go to the movies together. Norman had confided in you previously that he never really got to go on dates in high-school. And how, while he didn’t mind too terribly, there was a part of him that felt like he’d missed out. So, you figured this was a nice place to start. The evening started nicely. He picked you up at the door to your room, clutching a modest bouquet, and beaming like a teenager watching his prom date descend the stairs. He fidgeted in the doorway as you found a vase for the flowers. With one last check that you had everything you needed for the evening, you headed out. You made sure your friend was all set up in the motel lobby, Norman nervously going over the rules and “Just-In-Cases” for what must have been the fifth time. You helped reassure and usher him along out to his old Ford, deciding against the sometimes 20 minute battle to get your old junker kicking. 

 When you finally reached the cineplex, the sun had begun to set, casting a warm pink over everything it’s rays could reach. The theatre was largely empty, which is what you two preferred, and why you had chosen to go on a weekday. There were a meager selection of movies to choose from, not unusual for the small town. “There’s the nuclear fallout flick with Gregory Peck?” you shot Norman a teasing glance, “I heard that heart-throb Anthony Perkins is in it…”

  “Wh-Wha-” he sputtered, “How-How about this one, it-it’s ab-bout birds. And it’s by the man who made Rope…”

You glanced at the poster for Tippi Hepburn’s debut thriller, “Mmmm, maybe…though I’ve heard it’s not very scary…and the director tends to be hit-and-miss. Oh! There’s that one comedy with Paul Newman on a chain-gang, that could be fun? Or…” you gasped, “That one!”

  “Al-alright, that could be fun. He was in The Graduate, and that was well-liked…”

You grinned and took his hand in yours as you ordered two tickets. You lead him to the snack counter and, ignoring his insistence that he be the one to pay for them, you bought him a bag of red vine licorice to nibble on throughout the movie. The man had such a sweet tooth! The theater was otherwise empty and you two made your way through the aisle til you were smack dab in the middle. As Jon Voight drove from Texas into New York on that rickety bus, you leaned against him. He stiffened under you momentarily, before relaxing into your touch, resting his head on yours.

  Some time had passed and Joe had finally met Ratso before you felt Norman’s fingertips brushing questioningly against your knuckles. You smiled and took his hand in yours. There was an awkward, but somewhat funny (at least on your end) moment during the scene in the movie theater. It was amusing to watch your boyfriend squirm in his seat and get all red in the face. Every time one of the more dirty scenes would come on, Norman’s breath would hitch a little. Even in the dark theater, you could see the tips of his ears and neck turning scarlet.

  During one of the more relaxed scenes, you leaned over the armrest and pressed a kiss underneath his jaw bone. He inhaled sharply, but kept his eyes trained on the movie.You pecked him on the cheek before trailing kisses down his neck to the collar of his shirt then back again. You felt him gulp as you made your way to his collarbone. He murmured out your name and squeezed your hand. “Uh-huh?” you whispered, “What is it, honey?” He made a keening noise low in his throat before turning and pressing his lips to yours. You couldn’t help but smile against his mouth as his hands slowly moved to cup your face. All this time together, and he still touched you like everything was his first. Your hands moved to rest on the front of his sweater and you bit at his lower lip, earning a soft and muffled moan from your boyfriend. 

In a rare move of him taking the lead, he buried his hands in your hair. The kiss deepened, and before you knew it, his tongue was in your mouth, tasting like peppermint and candy. Your hands traveled down to rest against his hips and he subconsciously bucked up into your touch, no pressure where he really wanted it. Due to the nature of the theater seats, there wasn’t much room to maneuver but you made due, practically crawling over the armrest to press against him. You broke apart for a moment to catch your breath, Norman always kissed like a man starved, taking your breath away literally. You leaned your forehead against his and chuckled against his mouth, breath coming from both of you in short pants. “Baby…” you murmured.

  “Mhmmm”

“I think the movies about to end…”

He tucked his head into the crook of of your neck, “Y-Yeah?”

   You looked up at the screen as Joe Buck closed Ratso’s eyes. “So pretty soon the light’s are gonna come on…”

Realization hit him and he whipped his head up, “Oh-oh goodness.” He hastily tried to smooth out his beshelved hair and sweater, pulling it down over his lap a bit. You giggled and brushed your fingers through your hair, you decided against telling Norman about the small hickey poking out of his shirt collar. The credits rolled and with and unspoken promise to pick-up where you left off at home, you both made your way back to the car. The car ride was a bit awkward as you tried to ignore the tension that was building as you got closer to the hotel.

  “What was your favorite part of the movie?”

“I’ll a-admit I was a l-little, erm, distracted. I couldn’t really p-pay attention.”

You gave him a wry grin, “Guess we’ll just have to go there again…”

He turned to you wide-eyed, before shaking his head and smiling. You were going to be the death of him.

Heartstrings, chapter 22:

DANY IV - It’s A Little Dragonwolf

I'm so very sorry for the long wait. OMG! Oh well, I guess this is a gift that just keeps on giving, right? Haha..ha.. *hangs head in shame*

Anyway, @helloimnotawesome, I know you're not feeling well at the moment so I hope this can maybe provide you a little bit of a respite. Much love!!! 

Without further ado: 

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"Happy nameday, Jon," Theon uttered quietly, a trembling hand holding out a large, rolled up sheet of paper, held together with a bit of red string.

Like a timid animal, Theon had carefully approached her and Jon as the two of them sat snuggled up together on a bench in the lemon grove. My absolute favourite part of the garden. Smells like home - and next to Jon it feels like it too.

Dany was sure the festivities were still unfolding in the dining hall. Everyone knew Jon needed occasional breaks from social gatherings, so no one in the family batted an eye when the two of them went for an evening stroll in the garden.

This, however, felt like a moment between Jon and Theon so she moved to get up and give them their space.

"No."

The urgency in his voice caused both her and Jon to look up.

Theon took half a step to the side before stopping himself, immediately casting his eyes downwards and instead taking a large step backwards. As if frozen in place he kept is head down, eyes fixed on a spot somewhere near his feet. He looks like a beaten dog that just remembered defending itself would only ensure more beating.

Viserys had warned them that Theon might not ever behave 'proper' human-like again. 'Might' being the most hopeful projection. It was like saying there might be world peace one day. It made Dany's blood boil with rage and simultaneously shattered her heart in a thousand pieces.

She still clearly remembered what state Jon had been in. He'd been all hurt, anger and outright rage. 'It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.' At the moment she couldn't remember where the quote was from but it sounded like something President Tyrell could've said. Jon would rather die fighting than not fight at all, but Theon..sweet Theon..had no fight left in him.

As a vet Dany had seen her fair share of neglected and abused animals. One thing they all had in common was how well they'd responded to some good old TLC - tender loving care - and she refused to believe that Theon's heart, mind and soul couldn't be mended, at least in part, by the same. 'You don't throw a whole life away just because he's banged up a little' - her husband's words still ringing in her mind years after he spoke them by the campfire on Dragonstone. My love, how I loved your big heart and your ability to see the best in everyone.

"Theon?" She spoke as softly as she knew how to, "please look at me, sweetheart."

He slowly looked up, staring back at her with dark frightened eyes. A deer caught in the headlights.

Dany gave him a warm, reassuring smile. "Would you like me to stay while you talk to Jon?"

A barely noticeable nod was the only response given.

"Ok, I'll stay. Thank you."

She sat back on the bench, leaning her head against Jon's shoulder who in turn gave her hand a light squeeze as they shared a small smile. Now all they could do was wait. They needed to let Theon control the speed of things.

As they sat quietly, patiently waiting for their broken friend to make a move she carefully watched Theon's face. It was clear his mind was racing. His face stoic, but those dark eyes of his were swimming with emotions. He looked as if he was on the brink of bolting, yet deep-seated fears from all the years of abuse kept him frozen in place. Dany had noticed how his eyes had gradually become more expressive over the course of the year he'd been living with them at Starfall. No longer the deep dark pits of emptiness; they were slowly beginning to show a little flicker of life in there. It was that tiny bit of life that now let her know that the haunted man behind the eyes were fighting to build up his courage.

He found it.

With a resolute look in his eyes, Theon took a daring step forward and held the rolled up sheet of paper out towards Jon. Again.

"Thank you, my friend."

At the mention of the word 'friend', Theon winced.

"You are my friend," Jon repeated emphasising every word. "You were then and you are now."

Theon jerked his head a couple of times in what appeared to be an attempt to nod. A ghost of a smile flicked across his face but was gone in the blink of an eye. Wait! Are those tears?

Quickly Dany searched his face for any other signs of emotions, but only Theon's quick swipe of his hand across the face told her she'd been right. She couldn't blame him though. Jon had confided to her how Theon used to treat him like his own personal punching-bag. At the same time though the two boys basically only had each other to depend on. Despite only being a boy, Jon had quickly understood that Theon merely did what he did to survive. He was the youngest of the Greyjoys, a family who took the 'survival of the fittest' quite literally.

The entire Greyjoy clan treated Theon anyway they wanted, the degrees of degrading and humiliating treatment increasing by the day. Jon had never given her details, and don't think I could ever bare to hear it now. The only one Theon had to take all his anger and frustration out on was Jon who, with a bastard's name, no one gave two shits about. Beating Jon saved Theon a sliver of dignity in the eyes of the remaining Greyjoy family; being beaten by Theon oddly meant Jon was considered Theon's property - his pet - and therefore spared beatings by the other, and older, orphan boys.

Thus, Jon and Theon developed their mutual messed up dependency on each other for the sake of survival. After being sent to Craster's Keep Jon had no idea what'd happened to Theon, but he'd confessed to Dany that he suspected it involved Theon's uncle, Euron. Her husband had labelled the Greyjoy captain 'a complete and utter psycho'. She could only imagine the kind of abuse Theon had suffered at his uncle's hands. His uncle, his own blood for fuck's sake!

Dany considered herself lucky for never having crossed paths with any of the Greyjoys as a child. There wasn't much all of Westeros agreed on, however the collective loathing of the Greyjoys - and Boltons for that matter - was one of the rare cases.

"May I open it now?" Jon smiled up at his nervous friend whose only response was a silent nod.

Carefully untying the string and tucking it in his pocket, Jon unrolled the paper and uncovered a black and white pencil drawing.

"Oh Theon, it's beautiful!" Dany marvelled at the masterpiece before her. Beautiful but heart-breaking.

"It sure is," her husband echoed next to her, voice thick with emotion, "did you make this yourself?"

Eyes full of uncertainty looked from Jon to her and back again. "Y-yes, I did," Theon mumbled, fingertips fidgeting with the seams of his pants. "Dr. Viserys said it'd be good for me."

He speaks! The few times she'd heard Theon speak more than a few words at a time, he'd sounded like a toddler stumbling its way through 'language-ing'. This however had been a full, grammatically correct sentence. The revelation made her want to jump for joy, but instead she settled for squeezing her husband's arm extra tight. Jon responded by handing her one edge of paper and snuggled her closer to him.

Now they could both examine the drawing fully. As she initially thought the drawing was a beautiful display of skill but the scene itself was harrowing.

At the centre was a large kraken. Surrounded by ships, it was clearly fighting for survival. There were spears sticking out of its body, a couple of severed limps sinking in the water, and blood gushing from a wound to the head where a large hook was attached - the crew on one of the ships pulling on ropes tied to the hook. From underneath the water, shadows were swimming up towards the struggling kraken, pulling at its arms, dragging it down. Oh sweet Theon! Once again Dany felt her heart break seeing this shell of a man attempting to convey his soul crushing pain.

In the sky a small group of dragons were swooping and setting the ships ablaze in the background. A pack of wolves stood on the shore - teeth bared, hind-legs dug in to the ground as they too were pulling on robes. Oh! The kraken had an arm intertwined with the rope the wolves pulled at. Another arm was digging into the sand, desperately trying to hold on to something. No mistaken the symbolism; he's reaching out to us.

Teary eyed Dany peeked over to her husband. Noticing his Adam's apple bop she knew she wasn't alone in battling a wave of emotions. Although I guess I could blame any momentary emotional instability on you, she bit back a smile while tenderly rubbing a warm hand over her protruding stomach.

"Do...it..," Theon abruptly stopped himself again.

"Sweetheart, you always have permission to speak here." He still avoided eye contact. "Please, go ahead," Dany gently prodded him. Jon pulled her closer and kissed her temple.

It took a couple of beats for Theon to muster up his courage one more time.

"It is ok?" He winced but continued, "d-do you like it?"

"It's amazing and I love it!" Jon took the drawing and handed it over to Dany as he got up. Two steps and he was toe to toe with Theon. "—and so are you."

Before their broken friend could respond Jon had him wrapped in a bearhug. There was a fleeting glimpse of panic before he eased into it and all but collapsed in Jon's arms. Besides the cinnabons, this was the first human contact Theon had had in years. Dany was amazed. He must be so tired, poor thing. He's taken huge strides today. Vis would be very proud of him. I know Jon and I are.

Her husband gently rocked a sobbing Theon who was clinging to him as if for dear life. She could hear Jon's calm voice quietly speaking to their distraught friend, "I got you. It's gonna be alright. You're safe now."

She remembered the night Jon had disclosed to her - laying in his arms, all tangled up in sheets - how he'd say those same words to everyone he rescued while in the Night's Watch. He'd repeat the words to them like a mantra, over and over and over until they calmed down; minutes or hours didn't matter to him - he'd keep speaking until they understood they'd been saved. My hero. If it wasn't for the sombre picture in front of her she would've giggled to herself for secretly thinking of Jon as a hero. Well, he's a hero to me and others whether he likes it or not.

Theon seemed to have calmed down. Only a few irregular sniffs could be heard now. His grip on Jon loosened but upon seeing Dany he tried hiding his face from her sight.

"No no, we'll have none of that now, young man," Jon gently coaxed Theon's head back up. "No shame in crying. No shame in having a heart. No shame in being human." Yup, definitely a hero.

Still holding on to each other, Jon took two steps back, turned around and eased Theon down on to the bench next to Dany. Jon dug out a handkerchief from a pocket, crouched in front of his friend and carefully wiped the tears from Theon's eyes and cheeks.

"Man to man; heart to heart, Theon - we're champions you and I. We made it out. We're finding our way through."

Quiet as always Theon listened to Jon speak, fingers picking at the shirt sleeves.

"I see you out there in that lonely ocean. Fighting for your life, your sanity, your humanity. Battling the demons and shadows all gnawing, scratching and eating away at your mind. I see you, my friend. I see you. I see you." Jon took a couple of deep breaths steading himself. I know this hurts you too, my love, but remember to stay calm for Theon's sake.

Silent tears rolled down Theon's cheeks once again. Dany was fighting her instinct to reach out to him and hold his hand, maybe a reassuring hand on his shoulder. It's a miracle he's letting Jon touch him and I don't want to push him.

"I'll fight for you, Theon. Till my heart is black and blue - and longer if needed. All I'm asking is you keep swimming. It's exhausting, I know-" he wrapped his hands around Theon's- "but I'll be right here with you to keep your head above water whenever you need a break, and you can rest for as long as you need. Just please keep swimming, Theon. We'll help re-attach your kraken arms—"

"I'm not a kraken," Theon hissed.

Taken aback, her husband sent her a crooked smile. So there's a sliver of fight left in the dog after all. Good!

"I'm not a kraken; don't want to be one," he confessed weakly, "not anymore."

"A wolf then?" Jon inquired.

"I'm not a Stark."

"An orca maybe?"

Both men looked at her puzzled.

"I just thought..," she trailed off. Think before you speak, Dany. Fuck's sake! She cleared her throat. "Orcas are also known as wolves of the sea. They have several traits similar to wolves: They're intelligent, curious, playful. They're loyal and fierce protectors. Loving and affectionate, and form strong family ties. Talented and ruthless hunters."

Theon had lowered his head again, back to staring at his hands in his lap. Shit! I pushed him too far.

Still crouching before him Jon was able to see his face though, and apparently it wasn't as bad as Dany feared because her husband gave her a small nod indicating she should keep speaking.

"They're survivors - known to live and thrive both as far south as the Summer Sea and as far north as the Shivering Sea. Passing knowledge from generation to generation. Adapting to their environment they utilise different hunting techniques depending on available prey."

Nibbling on a corner of his lower lip, casting frequent glances her way out of the corner of his eye, Dany could tell Theon was mulling over her words.

"—speaking of prey," she continued, leaning a bit closer to Theon lowering her voice adding a secretive aspect to their conversation, "there are interesting reports coming from the Cinnamon Straits, reports of sightings by both locals and scientists, speaking of a family of orcas who have specialised in hunting, killing and eating great white sharks."

Wide-eyed, both men turned to her. Dany looked back with a smirk on her face. That got their attention.

"I don't know about you guys but I think that's pretty bad-ass." She dared to place her hand on Theon's lower arm as she added, "-and so are you, sweetheart."

Drawing a shaky breathe, he muttered, "I'd like to believe that."

"Believe it," Jon urged, "all of it, and all the wolves and dragons you sketched-" pointing to the paper in Dany's hand- "will be right here to remind you whenever you need to hear it."

Theon was back to his contemplative silence, meaning Jon and her were back to waiting on their broken friend to decide where to go from here. He hasn't fully retracted into his shell though. Gods please let that be a good sign.

"Being an orca sounds nice," nodding to himself he added, "I'd like that."

Jon grinned, "that's settled then. C'mon let's get you two back inside - it's getting a bit chilly out here."

She's been so focus on Theon that she hadn't noticed she was shivering; no doubt her ever watchful husband had seen it from the second it began. My hero.

As they slowly made it up the path through the garden, Theon turned to her. "If I'm an orca now...," he trailed off, hesitating.

"—yes?" She smiled reassuringly at him.

"—then..what's..I mean.."

"Just breathe, dear, take your time and you can me ask anything."

Theon nodded slightly as he stared down at his feet. Glancing up nervously, he muttered, "what about your baby?"

She flashed Theon a smile before caching her husband's sparkling eyes as well. Affectionally stroking her pregnant stomach, voice filled with pride she replied, "it's a little dragonwolf."

“Best reunion ever!” was what my 10-year-old son said when Jaime Lannister got off his horse, tossed off the hood to his riding cape, took in the bucolic setting of Winterfell, and then saw a much older, calm, 3-Eyed Raven looking at him from the grown body of Bran Stark, the young boy he had tossed from the window ledge after being viewed in a tryst with his sister, Cersei. This moment of protectiveness and brutal violence by Jaime played right into the hands of Littlefinger and helped create the bloodbath of the War of the Five Kings. And now, Jaime, a hated figure in season one, has defended Brienne of Tarth, lost his hand, and finally abandoned his now-powerful Sister-Queen, who can’t get her head around the reality that to ignore the Night King is to welcome the death of all human civilization. Jaime, mocked as the Kingslayer, seems to care these days about doing the right thing.He has headed north, most likely to offer his courage and skill to Daenerys, Jon and the crew in the inevitable battle against the side of darkness and ice. My 10-year-old, who has a bit of 3-eyed Raven in him, was on the mark with the HBO team, because the screen went black right after Bran and Jaime locked eyes. The credits rolled and I thought it before my wife said it and sipped from her rare glass of red wine, “Fastest hour of my GOT life!” Of course, as much as the White Walkers left the young Ned Umber, 10-year-old son of SmalllJon Umber, sacrificed into a blue-eyed ancient-art-project wight, soon to be screaming on the castle wall and set on fire by Commander Tollett, there will be critics of Season 8, Episode 1, but I’m not one of them. Everything is set to roll. My 13-year-old asked, “What did you think, Dad?” I answered, “It’s going to get gnarly fast.” He nodded. I asked, “Were there more close-up shots than previous seasons?” He said, “I think so.” I felt compelled to add something that sounded marginally intelligent. I tend to overstate how every line of the Onion Knight is perfect…which would maybe resonate more with an audience of silver-backs like me. I went a different route and suggested, “Arya and Gendry kinda like each other, right?” I pronounced dead King Robert’s bastard son’s name: J-endry. My 10-year-old took a deep breath and said, “Dad, his name is G-endry…with a hard-G.” Spoiler: my son didn’t use the term “Hard G”, but he will in the next few years. He cares about words. After watching the show Sunday, we all ate our pozole, and started watching the episode again, I added: “Daenerys was very sweet and kind of super smiley. She is going to get crazy psycho next episode.” This insight was followed with the quiet slurping of pork, green chili, cabbage and hominy. I pointed out how Sansa had shut down Tyrion with her line about how he used to seem smart, but now he was believing Cersei would be sending her army north. We started talking about what Bran and Jaime will say to each other next Sunday. Plus, what will happen when Brienne sees Jaime? Plus, how happy will Daenerys be when she finds out her latest fling is actually the King? The scenes with Samwell Tarly finding out about Queen Daenery’s decision to immolate Sam’s sweet, warrior brother and Sam’s abusive dad will break your heart. There is real pain and grief in Sam's eyes as the truth hits him. Daenerys is on a mission to stop the Night King, but she hasn't gained the trust of the people in her new environment. Jon Snow, who was knifed in the heart by Olly during the group knifing he took at Castle Black, still hasn't seemed to grasp the importance of selling your leadership decisions to your team. My guess is that our gang is going to have some trouble rallying to face the deathless horde, but nonetheless, as my 3-Eyed-Raven exclaimed: It was the best reunion ever! Although, it might get better when the Night King shows up...

The Best Films of 2018, Part III

Parts I and II are here and here.

GOOD MOVIES

70. Mid90s (Jonah Hill)- I usually applaud filmmakers for letting visuals tell the story instead of spelling everything out, but Mid90s needs to spell some more stuff out, especially at the truncated end. His brother brought him an orange juice, so all of the abuse is forgotten? I need a bit more there.

I was always going to be in the tank for this though, having been the same age as the protagonist at the time, owning some of the same shirts as him and hanging some of the same posters on my wall. Despite the "My First Screenplay" beef I had up top, each supporting character gets something to do. Hill shows promise as a director (and the fingerprints of his influences) by being able to shift between poles of emotions in a matter of seconds.

69. McQueen (Ian Bonhote)- Although it waits too long to get into McQueen's depression, this documentary does an adequate job of showing the ups and downs of his life. It was great seeing things I've only read about, like the Voss show.

Here's the thing though: I'm not a genius, but if I were, I would hope that my closest friends and advisers would be able to articulate what made me great. A little less "We were working sixteen-hour days." A little more "He changed art forever."

68. Beautiful Boy (Felix Van Groeningen)- For better and worse, this portrait of a parent's worst nightmare is unrelenting. Surprisingly, the toughest moment is when Nic is fierce with pride, clean for fourteen months. Because when you pause and see that there's an hour left in the movie, you shudder at how low he might end up going.

Van Groeningen's sort of french braid of past and present hasn't changed for his English-language debut, but things worked best for me when he locked in on Timothee Chalamet's mannered but touching performance. I wish the movie had a proper ending.

67. The Kindergarten Teacher (Sara Colangelo)- This takes a little while to get sick and twisted, but I liked it once it did. Part of why it works is Gyllenhaal's commitment to the role. As dark as the character gets--and the film does seem hell-bent on establishing her as a failure when I'm not sure that's true--Gyllenhaal never judges her. It's probably her best performance since SherryBaby.

As for Gael Garcia Bernal, who plays a poetry professor who kisses people and then apologizes and says that he misread the moment and acts all bashful, are we sure about him? Are we sure he's good at acting?

66. The Spy Who Dumped Me (Susanna Fogel)- The spywork of the last half-hour is way too convoluted, but the comedy is fast and loose in service of a sweet female friendship. We're at the stage with the genius of Kate McKinnon in which I just assume that she came up with anything funny on the spot. For example, there's an off-hand joke that her character went to camp with Edward Snowden and was surprised that the news didn't mention how "into ska" he was. It's so bizarre that it had to be improv. Later, when Edward Snowden shows up as a character, I had to admit that the movie was tightly written. But I assumed it was McKinnon first. 65. Ready Player One (Steven Spielberg)- Halfway through Ready Player One, there's a sequence that takes place inside The Overlook Hotel of The Shining. The characters are walking through a photorealistic recreation of that setting, down to the smallest details, but it has been repurposed with different angles for this film. Not only have I literally never seen something like this in a movie, but I never imagined the possibility of such a thing existing. And somehow...it's corny and derivative.

So goes Ready Player One. It takes the simple pleasures of a Chosen One narrative with a killer villain, loads every corner of the frame with Ryu or Beetlejuice or a Goldie Wilson campaign poster, and punishes you with maximalism. Each piece reliably contributes to the whole, sometimes in thrilling and amusing fashion, but no matter when you check your watch, forty-five minutes are left.

When imdb came out, Steven Spielberg was one of the first people I looked up. What shocked me was how many projects I attributed to his direction when he had only produced them. In my kid brain, Spielberg had directed Gremlins or Goonies or An American Tail. They had his imprimatur of whimsy and wonder and childhood identification even if they were, you know, a bit more conventional and less purposeful than the movies he directed. Well, not since Tintin has there been a Steven Spielberg-directed film that feels more Spielberg-produced.

My favorite reference was the Battletoads. Or more accurately, imagining the seventy-two-year-old filmmaker going, "Oh, you know I gotta get the 'Toads up in this bih!"

64. Ben Is Back (Peter Hedges)- Despite a little bit of note-card screenwriting--"Get a line about how insurance doesn't care about drug addiction in there!"--The first two-thirds take their time revealing information to the viewer, dropping bread crumbs of the family history quite gracefully. Roberts and Hedges play off each other well, and their charisma powers the first half. She, of course, has an ample bag of Movie Star tricks, but, surprisingly, he already does too. You can see, in the confrontation at the mall, for example, how the mother's dissembling and conniving would pass down to him.

So it's a real bummer when the final third decides to separate the leads and rushes to a baffling conclusion. It falls apart like few movies in recent memory.

63. Avengers: Infinity War (Anthony Russo, Joe Russo)- Whatever. I admire the skill that it must have taken to balance the revolving wheel of characters--even if it does feel like check-ins half the time. The movie is exhausting in a bad way until it's exhausting in a good way. More importantly, here are my power rankings. (Their power in my own heart. Thanos is obviously the most powerful.)

1. Rocket 2. Hawkeye (Renner Season even when it isn't.) 3. The Collector 4. Black Panther 5. Thanos 6. Iron Man 7. Ned 8. Nick Fury 9. Star Lord 10. Thor (His scene with Rocket is the best one in the film.) 11. Gamora 12. Hulk (Your boy is so earnest in this. "They KNEW!") 13. Spider-Man 14. Wong 15. Okoye 16. Doctor Strange (Way cooler in this than his own movie.) 17. Captain America (His hair was beautiful.) 18. Drax 19. Pepper Potts 20. Falcon 21. Groot 22. Black Widow 23. Winter Soldier 24. Loki (Is he alive? Was he alive before this? Can he impersonate people or whatever even if he's dead? What's his deal?) 25. Scarlet Witch (Her first line is, getting out of bed, "Vis, is it the stone again?") 26. Gamora's Sister (No, you look it up.) 27. War Machine (Do you think Cheadle forgets that he's in these? Like, he misses a day of shooting just because he forgot?) 28. Vision 29. Whatever Peter Dinklage Was

62. The Old Man & the Gun (David Lowery)- Sissy Spacek's character explains, on a tour of her house, that she pulled up some wallpaper and found a signature from 1881 underneath, which is so unique that--ugly as it is--she couldn't bear to cover it. The movie is sort of about that. Does a way of life from a long time ago matter now?

Does it matter how you present yourself? How much does intention cancel out action?

The questions play themselves out in a way that is formally interesting--Lowery swish-pans and advances the scenes in a way that he hasn't since Ain't Them Bodies Saints--but informally pretty dull. Redford is engaging as possible, but I feel like I maxed out on my concern for a person who refuses to change.

I've had the Sean Penn "on one" scale for a long time, but I'm introducing the "off one" scale for Casey Affleck, who is so purposefully muted that he seems like he's going to pass out in some scenes. Keep doing you, Case. As far as acting goes.

61. Disobedience (Sebastian Lelio)- I admired how little the film spelled out about the setting and the characters' pasts. The beginning is cautious without being slow, and the women seem drawn to each other with a sort of magnetism that is difficult to pull off. While the triangle of people at the center is realistic and fair, the picture is ultimately a bit staid. I don't want melodrama out of the story either, but I do think it would work better if the characters were more passionate about anything, even the religion that makes them lack passion. 60. Crazy Rich Asians (Jon M. Chu)- This movie is sweet, and it nails the rom-com fulcrum scenes that it has to. Hear me out though: Both of the leads are winning, and Henry Golding's charm keeps us from acknowledging that his character is a psycho. Here is a list of things that, over the course of a year, he does not bother to tell his girlfriend:

a. That his family is the wealthiest in Singapore. Or wealthy at all. But more notably, he tells Rachel no details at all about his family, such as his brothers' and sisters' names. b. That he skipped an important trip home a few months ago, which caused a rift in his family. c. How to pack or dress for their trip to visit his family. d. That his mother did not want them sleeping together at her house, not that he "wants her all to himself." e. That his family wants him to take over their business, which would necessitate a permanent move to Singapore. f. That he went out with one of the women attending the bachelorette party, and that this woman has very good reason to sabotage Rachel and Nick's current relationship. g. That the wedding they're attending is also a super-rich affair that will be covered by international media. h. That the wedding party they're attending the night before is a formal affair with hundreds of guests, not the "family party" that he presents it as. By the way, this is one of the two times that he not only doesn't accompany her to an event, expecting her to meet him there and find him, but he doesn't even send a car. i. That he's thinking about proposing to her. "We haven't even talked about that stuff," Rachel tells her mother.

Communication is key, Nick.

59. Lean on Pete (Andrew Haigh)- I liked the first half and its patient doling out of information. Haigh sews quite a few credible threads to show why the gruff Dell would take a liking to Charley. When the film diverges into a drifter story, I got frustrated with it. To me, drifter characters aren't interesting because they take unpredictable actions, what enliven films, and make them predictable. A dine-and-dash is a dangerous, exciting thing to happen in a movie, but when this scared kid has already done so much similar running, it dulls that edge. This is Haigh's least successful film, but it's still empathetic and sensitive.

58. Hereditary (Ari Aster)- The first third of Hereditary is when it is at its most intimate and compact as a story of grief. And with the bridge of a genuinely shocking event, it becomes less Don’t Look Back and more of a hellish explainer.

Ari Aster is a master craftsman already, investing every element with intention, down to “Why are clocks so present in the frame?” That craft extends to Toni Collette, who is even better than she normally is. But in refusing to be mysterious and small, the film didn't connect with me on a level beyond admiration..

57. Gringo (Nash Edgerton)- The expository information about the company comes too late, the ending is too tidy, and I'm not sure what my girl Mandy Seyfried is doing in this. But it's funny overall, in large part because Theron and Edgerton bounce off each other beautifully, projecting a very specific brand of nouveau riche awful. She says, "Fat people are...hilarious," and he wears too many accessories in his pick-up basketball game, for which there's a running clock.

Many of these crime comedies fail because all of the characters are painted with the same cynical brush, but Oyelowo is so likable here as a frazzled guy in over his head, playing against the type of simmering dignity he inhabited as someone like Martin Luther King. I'm glad that he's getting at-bats with something this different.

56. Bad Times at the El Royale (Drew Goddard)- If you like table-setting (and I do), then this is going to be a fun time. Each room at the motel gets a two-sided mirror, each character is two-faced, many events are presented from two perspectives, and there's even a double in the title. It's hard not to share in Goddard's delight as he patiently lays out all of the Tarantinian pieces.

Once he has to start declaring things though, somewhere halfway in the meandering two and a half hours, the film doesn't end up having much to say. I'm not sure I wanted another Cabin in the Woods ending, but I did want it to add up to more than the modest pleasures that it does. Kudos to Chris Hemsworth and his dialect coach for finally piecing together a serviceable American accent.

55. Thunder Road (Jim Cummings)- As far as calling card movies go, this one is a pretty smart character study. It centers on how the things we find important, the impact of words in this case, can often be the things we struggle with the most, through dyslexia and spoonerisms and messed-up jokes in this case. That being said, no offense, the film would be 25% better with a more capable lead actor. 54. Annihilation (Alex Garland)- Much like Sunshine, another Alex Garland script, this story handles the mystery elegantly, with jolts of real horror, until we get where we're going, which doesn't live up to the promise. I do appreciate that it respects the viewer's intelligence--withholding answers to questions, sometimes never answering questions. I'm grateful that it exists. 53. BlacKkKlansman (Spike Lee)- Like Chi-Raq and Red Hook Summer, BlacKKKlansman would make for a hell of a YouTube compilation if you cut together its best moments. It's sharp and vital when it's at its best, which is pretty much any time it's commenting on the present, through "Now more than ever" Nixon campaign posters, mentions of how David Duke's policies might show up in Republican platforms, or the searing epilogue that brings back one of Lee's oldest tricks.

Like a lot of his recent work though, it's a mess tonally, and basic stuff like the timing of the cuts seems amateurish. I also think Lee's relationship with Terence Blanchard is hurting him at this point; the music doesn't match what's going on at all. I wish it hung together better than it does.

52. Widows (Steve McQueen)- This is the messiest film that Steve McQueen has made, which is its biggest strength and its biggest weakness. That loose quality allows for some expressive moves, such as when the alderman candidate takes a real-time two-minute ride from the poor area where he's campaigning to the tony area where he lives, in the same district. This is a film with admirable ambition to go with its cheap thrills.

But that same messiness produces as many bad performances (Farrell, Neeson, and, yes, Duvall) as it does good ones (Debicki, Henry, Kaluuya), and it elides so many moments near the end that I have lingering questions about whether a major plot point was even resolved. This is definitely the type of movie that has a three-hour cut that is better, and I still hope that director's cut doesn't waste five scenes on Debicki's prostitute relationship with Lukas Haas. (Where is his sliver of a face on the poster?)

51. The Death of Stalin (Armando Iannucci)- I feel as if I have to adjust to the astringency of any Iannucci property, and when I do, I laugh a lot. This movie is hilarious, and I'll save you from a list of the jokes that work the best.

Iannucci and his collaborators take one of the most violent, tyrannical periods of history and expose its perpetrators as sniveling, feckless children who might accidentally spit in their own faces as they're trying to spit on someone else's. Destabilizing those in power--in this case de-memorializing them--and portraying them as lost, scared humans is the goal of satire. So even though he does it so well, part of me wonders, "Is that it?" Bureaucracy is dumb? Isn't this an easy target? For what it's worth, I felt the same way about In the Loop, despite everyone else's praise. I'm waiting for Iannucci to find a weapon sharper than the middle finger.

50. Tully (Jason Reitman)- In a way, it's refreshing for a screenwriter to be bad at writing men. The outdated, clueless, manchild dad is the biggest weakness of the script, especially since everything else is pitched with such realism. There's also one scene that I hate but probably shouldn't spoil.

Put aside that character though, and this is a movie with wit, verisimilitude, and even a bit of visual agility. The protagonist--Marlo, a Diablo Cody name if there ever was one--has a special needs son, and I appreciated the honest way that Marlo's frustration with him sometimes outweighed her understanding.

49. Fahrenheit 11/9 (Michael Moore)- Fahrenheit 11/9 is diffuse, but it's effective enough to be in the top half of Moore's work. He stays out of it mostly (besides that familiar narration, as gentle as it is ashamed), but his heart is clearly in the searing Flint section. In fact, I wish he had made a documentary that focused only on that American travesty, not all of them.

He has the same challenge that many of us do--pointing out the crimes and perversions of Trump while keeping the high ground--and he doesn't always avoid the low-hanging fruit. Dubbing Trump's voice over Hitler's is the type of shit that people hate him for. At most turns, however, Moore's choices make sense. A long diversion into the Parkland kids, even though I find them kind of tiring personally, serves as an inspirational peak to the valley of any people of a generation or two earlier than them.

48. Isle of Dogs (Wes Anderson)- Many Wes Anderson movies are flippant about death and disease. When the effect works, it's refreshing and disorienting. When it doesn't, like in this movie, it feels cold, as if he's moving dolls around in a playhouse.

But in every other way, the sweet and wry Isle of Dogs benefits as a manicured chamber piece. The details are obvious (the tactile fur on all of the dog puppets), less obvious (a translation provides the legend "very sad funeral" to accompany a news story), and even less obvious (more than one joke about how many syllables should be in a haiku). If the narrative--jaded stray finds redemption through guileless child--doesn't offer much in the way of re-invention for the director, then I'm glad the large canvas does.

47. You Were Never Really Here (Lynne Ramsey)- I wanted an artsy crime film, and I got an artsy crime film. I have no idea if I liked it. It's bleak and groady, more of a violence movie than an action movie, concerned with the cycle of abuse and the oily spread of vengeance. It begins twenty minutes after most films of its type might choose to, and it begins in earnest at the hour mark. The atonal Jonny Greenwood score is a perfect approximation of whatever kind of dark clouds are floating in the protagonist's head.

Even when it doesn't work, the film is a reminder that Lynne Ramsey is a real artist. Although this doesn't come close to the catharsis and real-world relevance of We Need to Talk About Kevin, it reveals a focused point of view. Whether it's depicting a sequence through only surveillance footage or cutting to a half-second of flashback, she includes exactly what she wants to.

46. The Commuter (Jaume Collet-Sera)- I gave Non-Stop two-and-a-half stars, and this is a much more elegant version of Non-Stop. Even though it succumbs to gross CGI and outsized conspiracy, the class-conscious table setting is non-pareil, and it lets Neeson act his age.

45. Vice (Adam McKay)- Vice is a difficult film to evaluate because its greatest strength, the resolute, partisan, experimental point of view, is also its greatest weakness, the hand-holding, pedantic, antic point of view. There are moments in this film--the menu scene, the fake-ending--that are more inventive than anything else this year. And credit to McKay for a sui generis structure that covers thirty years in the first hour and two years in the second hour; if nothing else, he has the talent to make unitary executive theory fun.

It's a big, angry, auteurist, '70s swing, so it also takes a lot of chances that don't work and, quite obviously, it wields poetic license in the way that Ron Burgundy swished around a glass of scotch. Sometimes it doesn't know when to trust the viewer, like when it freeze frames and flashes "George H.W. Bush, President, 1989-1993" over a Bush-looking guy talking about "Barbara and I" as his son misbehaves in the background. Through no fault of McKay's, the story feels anti-climactic as well. Although I felt more distance than I expected from events that I consider recent history, the dominoes are still falling in the world that Cheney shaped.

One thing that is less debatable is Christian Bale's transformation into Cheney. That word "transformation" is used any time a famous person wears a wig. This performance, which spans decades and is not directly related to any of Bale's other work, is different. The portrait of Cheney is one of monolithic evil, which Bale suggests, but it's also grounded in reticent, clenched jaw micro-movements. Cheney, who is four inches shorter than Bale, seems like the smallest and biggest man in any room. At this point, if you told me Bale was playing Grendel, I wouldn't bat an eye. In fact, his Grendel might look a lot like Dick Cheney.

There’s only one war that matters... the Great War

And here we go again. Jon thinks the Dany/Cersei war don’t matter. Dany is entitled, selfish and short-sighted for saying “and I can’t pretend that Cersei won’t take back half the country the moment I march North”. Jon is fed up with her. PoliticalJon etc etc...

Of course, I don’t actually believe Jon would think so poorly of Dany. Why? Because Jon is fair. Dany’s situation isn’t ideal, but it is what it is. Jon has a major advantage over Dany (or at least, he THINKS he does) when it comes to Cersei: the North is far more out of reach from her than the southern kingdoms:

“There’s a thousand miles between us and Cersei. Winter is here, the Lannister are a southern army. They’ll never range this far North.” - Jon to Sansa, 7x01

Jon doesn’t seek a truce with Cersei from the get go, because he doesn’t think it’s necessary. NOT because it “doesn’t matter”. If one side thinks it doesn’t matter, and the other one does, what happens? If the North was within Cersei’s grasp, and the Lannister gave Winterfell the Highgarden treatment? Would it still “not matter” to Jon? Would Jon kneel to Cersei to avoid further bloodshed, because “it doesn’t matter”? I doubt it: Cersei wants Sansa’s head. Among other things. 

For “other wars” not to matter, every involved parties must agree to a truce. And Jon already think he got his’s: it’s not an “official” truce, of course, but he apparently believes that he doesn’t have to worry about Cersei. Winter made the truce, in his case (although smart Sansa disagrees with this, so, hum.) Dany, on the other hand, holds lands who stands in a much more vulnerable position. 

Here’s what threatened Winterfell and its surrounding lands the most up until season 7: the wildlings and the Boltons. We’ll focus on the Boltons: if the dead were the only thing that mattered to Jon, why bothers with the Bolton at all? Why not rally wildlings, try rallying as many northern houses as possible (might not be much, but...), gather everyone around Castle Black and prepare the defenses against the AotD from there?

Oh, wait, because the Bolton might’ve cornered them and stabbed them from behind while they were trying to fight wights and WW. Or perhaps not: perhaps Ramsay would’ve sat out the war, wait for the dead to do most of the job (why risk his own men, after all) and “deal with whatever was left of them” - Jon, Sansa, the wildlings - afterward. Sounds familiar? Keep in mind that by season 6 (when he raised an army to retake Winterfell), Jon knew exactly what was the situation beyond the Wall: he had seen the Night King. He had fought at Hardhome. He knew how big the AotD was. 

He still took care of the Bolton before turning his attention to the enemy North of the Wall. Because he was trying to save his little brother? Fair enough. Except Dany also have people in the South she’s sworn to protect. Who’s to say Cersei wouldn’t swoop in the Reach, take a bunch of hostages, perhaps even children, and use it against Dany later on?

And there’s more!

Davos secures the help of house Mormont in season 6 with this argument:

“As long as the Bolton hold Winterfell, the North is divided. And divided, we won’t stand a chance against the Night King.” Davos to Lyanna Mormont, 6x07

So retaking Winterfell was part of the fight against the Night King? If this is a valid argument, then it’s also valid to argue that, as long as Cersei sits on the Iron Throne, the realm is divided, and a divided realm won’t stand a chance against the Night King. Knowing this, some good arguments as to why it should be Daenerys, and not Cersei, on the Iron Throne, are 1) Daenerys actually gives a shit about the AotD, and 2) Daenerys has more resources to fight the AotD. 

“Buuuut what if Daenerys prioritize the war against Cersei, because she said so to Jon in the dragonpit?” (This has seriously become a “canon” interpretation of her words to Jon.)

What they actually said:

Jon: so what now?

Daenerys: I can’t forget what I saw beyond the Wall. And I can’t pretend that Cersei won’t take back half the country the moment I march North. 

TRANSLATION: 

Jon: so what now?

Daenerys: I have to do something about what I saw beyond the Wall. And I know Cersei will totally take advantage of this. 

TRANSLATION (according to the antis)

Jon: so what now?

Daenerys: I know what I saw beyond the Wall was serious, but I can’t deal with it unless Cersei agrees to a ceasefire, sorry. 

WHAT I’M TRANSLATING FROM THE ANTIS’S TRANSLATION:

Me: you’re putting words in Daenerys’s mouth. Dany’s been saying for the past 2 minutes nonstop that she’s fucked: the dragonpit? That was fucked. Her family? Fucked. Legacy? Fucked. Her war against Cersei? Fucked. 

But since they seem to like subtext, guess what? I like subtext too! So much that I actually came up with my own little Dany theory that might explain a good part of her behavior in 7x06 and 7x07, including what was said between Jon and her in the dragonpit. 

Ever wondered why Dany didn’t tell Tyrion (or anyone, it seems) about Jon “kneeling” to her in 7x06?

Ever wondered why Dany told Jon about her alleged infertility?

Ever wondered what was going on in Dany’s mind when she asked Cersei (after remaining close to mute for the entire meeting) “Just the king in the North? Not me?”

Ever wondered why Dany admitted to Jon how “wrong” the dragonpit felt to her?

Ever wondered if Dany, at some point (I’m guessing while she was watching over Jon in the boat while he slept, after the wight hunt), thought that maybe, just maybe she could become Jon’s queen, in the North, instead of sitting alone on the IT, in the South? 

But would feel terribly stupid by outright saying so, since she’s the one who challenged the current queen in the first place? And believes that Cersei must be disposed of regardless, because Cersei is a psycho? And thinking that she’s too deep in already? (Quoting the late Olenna’s words: “once the cow’s been milked, there’s no squirting the cream back up our otters” GOT 3x02)

And wouldn’t want to be viewed as weak? 

And thinking that Jon wouldn’t want a barren wife anyway?

And wouldn’t want to be seen as a beggar, especially not a beggar for love?

Nor to be seen as a damsel in distress? Or as an irresponsible conqueror? 

But thought that if permanent amnesty from her was the price she had to pay to ensure Cersei’s proper behavior... what a great excuse to drop the war in the South, huh? It’s for a good cause! It’s for the people! It’s for the safety of the realm!

And thought that Jon did look a bit in love with her?

And might not mind marrying her after all? 

And if, by admitting to him that her war against Cersei was already “fucked”, that she really wasn’t all that impressed with King’s Landing (and especially not with the Dragonpit...), hoping that, perhaps (hopefully), he might get the hint that she wouldn’t mind marrying him?

And thinking that being queen in the North would be a pretty sweet deal overall? She’s home, in Westeros, with a man who loves her. Heck, she even gets to be queen (minus the responsibility of an entire continent on her shoulders). And with their combined armies and dragons, Cersei could never touch them. 

Jon: it appears Tyrion’s assessment was correct.

Dany, thinking: wait, what?

Jon: we’re fucked.

The viewer: awww, bet she was thinking about that other assessment fromTyrion (that Jon’s Snow’s in love with her)

The viewer, again: the subtext! It’s the subtext!

JTHM Pairing Playlists

Feel free to send any I should add for any pairing

Jimmy/Johnny:

I Wanna Be Like Johnny C -- Loveninjas

Serial Killer -- Lana Del Rey

Church -- Fall Out Boy

Never Wanted to Dance -- Mindless Self Indulgence

You Were Meant For My -- Ute Lemper

Evil Night Together -- Jill Tracy

Tigerlily -- La Roux

Yada Yada -- That Handsome Devil

Shut Me Up -- Mindless Self Indulgence

Monsters -- Ruelle

Nobody Move, Nobody Get Hurt -- We Are Scientists

Fear and Loathing -- Marina And The Diamonds

Medieval Warfare -- Grimes

Paparazzi – Lady Gaga

Skulls -- Bastille

I Will Possess Your Heart -- Death Cab for Cutie

The Wolf --  Siamés

Meant To Be Yours -- Heathers Musical

Disarm -- Smashing Pumpkins

Super Psycho Love -- Simon Curtis

Little Nightmares -- Brian Fallon

Bury a Friend -- Billie Elish

Copy Cat -- Billie Elish

You Don't Want to Dance with Me -- Monarchy

Stalker -- Goldfinger

Violence -- Editors

Goodnight Socialite -- The Brobecks

You're In Love With a Psycho -- Kasabien

Gently Break It -- Beck Pete

Eye -- Smashing Pumpkins

Fear And Delight -- The Correspondents

Bandages -- Hot Hot Heat 

What Did I Do? -- The Correspondents

Us and Them -- Pink Floyd

An Unhealthy Obsession -- The Blake Robinson Synthetic Orchestra

Afterlife  -- Nothing But Thieves

Downhill  -- Lincoln

Wish You Were Gay -- Billie Eilish

Honey Revenge -- Dance Gavin Dance

I Want To Know Your Plans -- Say Anything

Wicked Little Town -- The Bens

Obsessed -- Mariah Carey

Obsessed With You -- The Orion Experience

The Horror of Our Love -- Ludo

Mx. Sinister -- I DON’T KNOW HOW BUT THEY FOUND ME

Perfect Weapon -- Black Veil Brides

Love At First Sight -- Brobecks

Die Die My Darling -- Misfits

Toy Soldiers -- Marianas Trench

Stalker’s Tango -- Autoheart

Love Me Dead -- Ludo

Dangerous (feat. Joywave) -- Big Data

A Little Bit Closer -- Johnny Hollow

One of Us Is the Killer -- The Dillinger Escape Plan

Blood and Bones -- The Blake Robinson Synthetic Orchestra

Killers In Love -- Tub Ring

Edgar/Johnny:

Jesus Christ -- Brand New

Love Interruption -- Jack White

The Outsider -- A Perfect Circle

Eurythmics -- Sweet Dreams (Are Made Of This)

Blue Monday -- Orgy

Overdone -- Ludo

And So It Goes  -- Billy Joel

Rhinestone Eyes -- Gorillaz

Sadistic Kisses -- Miniature Tigers

Scream, Scream, Scream -- Ludo

Jimmy/Edgar:

Sinister Kid -- The Black Keys

3 S -- Mindless Self Indulgence

Thinking Of You -- A Perfect Circle

Closer -- Nine Inch Nails

The Sharpest Lives -- My Chemical Romance

F****t -- Mindless Self Indulgence

COLORADOSUNRISE -- 3OH!3

The Last Of The Real Ones -- Fall Out Boy

Sense, Sensibility -- Andrew Jackson Jihad

She's the Prettiest Girl at the Party, and She Can Prove It with a Solid Right Hook -- frnkiero and the cellabration

You Make Me Sing -- Kasey Chambers

Devi/Johnny:

Andria -- La Dispute

Damaged Goods -- La Dispute

What a Difference a Day Makes -- Dinah Washington

Contessa, Perdono -- Mozart

Spiders -- Space

Halloween -- Gaslight Anthem

Behind Blue Eyes -- Limp Bizkit

I Never Told You -- My Chemical Romance

On Melancholy Hill -- Gorillaz

You Make Me Smile -- Blue October

broken -- lovelytheband

All Time Low -- Jon Bellion

Sound Of Your Heart -- Shawn Hook

Stolen Dance -- Milky Chance

Calling You -- Blue October

Scared to Be Lonely -- Martin Garrix (ft. Dua Lipa)

So Close -- NOTD & Felix Jaehn (ft. Georgia Ku & Captain Cuts)

Stolen -- Dashboard Confessional

Hands Open -- Snow Patrol

Immortals -- Fall Out Boy

Hatefuck -- The Bravery

Whispers In The Dark -- Skillet

Breezeblocks -- alt-J

Touch-Tone Telephone -- Lemon Demon

A Lunatic’s Lament -- Alesana

The Killing Moon -- Nouvelle Vague

See You -- Foo Fighters

Ex Lover’s Lover --  Aurelio Voltaire

Undisclosed Desires -- Muse

Maybe Someday -- The Cure

Talk Too Much -- COIN

Favorite Sound -- Echosmith (ft. Audien)

Clarity -- ZEDD

Stay -- Kygo

You Might Be -- Autograf (ft. Lils)

I Was Wrong -- Surfer Blood

I’ve Been Waiting -- Lil Peep & ILoveMakonnen (ft. Fall Out Boy)

Happier -- Marshmello (ft. Bastille)

Angry Johnny -- Poe

Dangerous Type -- Letters To Cleo

Fear And Delight -- The Correspondents

Stalker’s Tango -- Autoheart

Dangerous -- Big Data

Are You The One -- The Presets

I Can’t Fix You -- The Living Tombstone

Tear You Apart -- She Wants Revenge

Tess/Anne:

Revenge -- Mindless Self Indulgence

Backstabber -- The Dresden Dolls

Salty Sweet -- MS MR

BLACK HOLE -- 3OH!3

crushcrushcrush -- Paramore

All the Young Girls Love Alice -- Elton John

Power & Control -- Marina And The Diamonds

Honey -- Kehlani

Begging -- Dua Lipa

The Killing Type -- Amanda Palmer

Devi/Jimmy/Johnny:

La Cenar Teco -- Don Giovanni

Dead on Arrival -- Fall Out Boy

Edgar/Jimmy/Johnny:

No One -- Andrew Jackson Jihad

I Want Love -- Silent Hill 3

Colorado Sunrise -- 3OH!3

Heaven Knows -- The Pretty Reckless

Evil -- Andrew Jackson Jihad

Somewhere in the Distance -- The Hoosiers

Seamstress -- Dessa

451 -- Brand New

Young and Menace -- Fall Out Boy

Power -- Bastille

The Last of the Real Ones -- Fall Out Boy

Too Tired to Wink -- Ludo

Black Sheep -- Metric

The Fear -- Ben Howard

Pawn Shop -- Sublime

Damn Door -- That Handsome Devil

Eff/Nny

Your Body -- Cat Dealers

Eff/D-boy

Love -- Cyber Diva

A Song To Say Goodbye -- Placebo

10 Best Movies of 2021 (So Far)

https://ift.tt/3iTu7sI

Can you ever really go home? Millions of cinephiles are likely asking themselves this as summer 2021 winds down with doubt again lingering over their favorite movie houses. For a time, theaters were once again open for big business in the U.S. and UK, and remain so in at least one of those venues. But box office reports paint an ambiguous future, and many casual moviegoers clearly remain reluctant about returning to the cinema.

Nonetheless, it’s still good to be back in those old familiar places, as well as to have an ever expanding list of options to discover on streaming. Compared to last year, 2021 feels like a sunny balm, particularly now that the heaviest hitters and biggest surprises of July and the dog days of summer have landed.

It’s why we typically save our “mid-year” ranking for that deep breath between the end of summer escapism and the awards season push that begins in September. There have been some real treats on the 2021 calendar, so whether you’ve seen the entire list below or are looking for something you missed, sit back and enjoy a collection of the best movies of 2021. So far.

10. Barb and Star Go to Vista Del Mar

Kristen Wiig and Annie Mumolo wrote and star in this bizarre, brightly colored, and utterly joyful comedy that defies expectations throughout. The two are middle-aged best friends who take their very first vacation to Florida together to visit the idyllic Vista del Mar.

But it’s not all cocktails and banana boats. Behind the scenes, super villain Sharon Fisherman (also played by Wiig) has an evil plan for the resort. With shades of the best of Austin Powers (though far more sincere) Barb and Star is a good natured friendship comedy through a surrealist lens, which could scratch an itch for anyone missing a bit of beach time this year.

9. Psycho Goreman

Unexpected gem of the year surely goes to this utterly bonkers grue-filled cosmic horror B-movie which is also really funny and kind of sweet at the same time. It follows annoying little shit Mimi (Nita-Josee Hanna) who bullies her brother Luke (Owen Myre) mercilessly. After defeating him in a game of “crazy ball,” Luke’s punishment is to dig his own grave (!) but instead the pair discover an artifact which turns out to be the key to controlling a universal evil imprisoned on earth for trying to destroy the galaxy.

So of course Mimi names him Psycho Goreman and forces him to hang out with her family and friends despite his insistence that he will bathe in their blood the moment he is freed. From Steven Kostanski, the director of 2016’s The Void, Psycho Goreman is a spot-on blend of brutal slaying and hardcore gore, a cosmic plotline involving an alien council and a wholesome family comedy. An unexpected delight.

8. Cruella

Emma Stone is a punk rock designer in the mold of Vivienne Westwood in this vibrant London-set comedy, which is on paper a prequel to 101 Dalmatians. But in reality, take it as a standalone and you’ll have way more fun.

Up and coming fashionista Estella manages to impress one of the leading designers The Baroness (Emma Thompson) and secures a coveted job at her world famous fashion house. But when Estella discovers a dark secret relating to her own past, she takes on the outrageous alter-ego Cruella to destroy The Baroness by out-fashioning her at every opportunity.

Packed with banging tunes and great dresses, Cruella is a high energy spectacle but it’s the sparring of the two Emmas that brings the real electricity. Forget any future she might have as a puppy killer, in her own film, Cruella is a legend. 

7. In the Heights

The sunniest film to hit theaters this season, Jon M. Chu’s In the Heights was as sugary sweet as the frozen Piragua Lin-Manuel Miranda hocks around this movie’s block. Based on the Hamilton composer’s earlier Tony winning musical, the picture was the rare thing: a Broadway adaptation that actually soars as high as its stage production and (rarer still) the first Hollywood blockbuster with an all-Latinx cast.

Read more

Movies

How Cruella Got That Crazy Expensive Soundtrack

By Don Kaye

Movies

In the Heights: You Need to Stay for Post-Credits Scene

By David Crow

The film came under fair criticism on social media for not being as inclusive as it could be, but that shouldn’t be the last word on such a big-hearted achievement. From the buoyant performances which have already opened doors for Anthony Ramos and Leslie Grace’s immense charisma, to the Latin, salsa, and hip-hop infused melodies which celebrate a culture long left out of the Hollywood image of American life, In the Heights is a jubilant celebration. There really hasn’t been a giddier time at the multiplex this year. Plus, those “96,000” and “Carnaval del Barrio” sequences really are fire.

6. Zola

Based on a “true” story which was told via a series of tweets posted back in 2015 (and the subsequent Rolling Stone article that brought the tale to prominence), Zola is a stranger-than-fiction saga seen through the lens of social media. An ultra contemporary, experimental, low budget comedy-thriller with a backdrop of abuse and sex trafficking, the film is as willfully uncomfortable to watch as it is massively entertaining.

From the jump, Zola (Taylour Paige) is a Detroit waitress and part time exotic dancer who meets a customer named Stefani (Riley Keough) and agrees to take a trip with her to Florida to hit up strip clubs where Stefani promises they’ll make a lot of money. With them are Stefani’s feckless boyfriend (Succession’s Nicholas Braun) and her obviously dodgy roommate. Sometimes told through spoken tweets with switches in perspective, this marks director Janicza Bravo as a compelling new voice, and her cast of leads as nothing short of captivating.

How much of what you’re watching actually happened? Well, that’s the elusive quality of social media…

5. Judas and the Black Messiah

Fred Hampton was murdered with the consent and planning of law enforcement at both federal and local jurisdiction levels. That Judas and the Black Messiah made this common knowledge would be reason enough for consideration. Yet that director Shaka King tells Hampton’s story so thrillingly here elevates his film into one of the most compelling crime dramas in years—only with the FBI’s illegal COINTELPRO program being the primary criminal element.

Told from the perspective of the man who spied on the Black Panthers and eventually facilitated the raid that took Hampton’s life, Judas radiates a despairing quality which somehow can still feel electrifying whenever Daniel Kaluuya’s powerhouse performance takes center stage. Which is pretty much any time the Black Panther chairman takes the microphone. Kaluuya deserved his Oscar, but LaKeith Stanfield’s paranoid turn as Bill O’Neal, the poor bastard coerced into being a snitch while still a kid, is what gets under your skin and walks beside you after the credits roll.

4. Pig

Are there really folks out there who wandered into a screening of Pig and assumed they’d get the Nicolas Cage knockoff of John Wick? I like to think so, just as I love to imagine what they said to each other afterward. To be sure, Michael Sarnoski’s Pig sounds on paper like something in that ballpark: Cage plays a hermit living in self-exile from his past life when ruffians steal his beloved… truffle pig. In response, he comes down from the mountain, ready to reengage with the old ways.

Read more

Movies

Judas and the Black Messiah Remembers Fred Hampton Was a Man of His Words

By Tony Sokol

Movies

The Suicide Squad Character Guide, Easter Eggs, and DCEU References

By Mike Cecchini

Yet when you realize those old ways involve being the greatest chef in his state—and reengagement means partaking in a fight club that’s far more pitiful than it sounds and simply cooking gourmet meals—the more apparent it is that this is a sophisticated, nuanced allegory about grief and self-identity. Anchored by Cage’s best performance in a long, long time, Pig is a gentle and revelatory experience that slowly unpacks its brilliance piece by piece, vignette by vignette. For those coming in wanting fast food, this probably will be a disappointment. For all others, it’s a resplendent five course meal.

3. The Suicide Squad

For once the marketing wasn’t kidding. Writer-director James Gunn does have a horribly beautiful mind, and we at last get to see it fully unleashed on a superhero property. Yes, the filmmaker made many cry over a CGI tree and talking raccoon in the Guardians of the Galaxy films, but perhaps not since Logan has a storyteller seen such free rein over valuable studio IP. Gunn didn’t waste it.

The Suicide Squad plays very much like the men and women on a mission ‘60s capers its director grew up on, but that structure is channelled here through a filthy and deranged sensibility. How else can you describe a picture that makes you want to cuddle a land shark who just swallowed a bystander whole? The Suicide Squad does that and more while providing a showcase for sure things like Margot Robbie’s irresistible Harley Quinn, as well as the dregs and rejects of DC Comics who ultimately steal the movie: David Dastmalchian’s Polka-Dot Man and Daniela Melchior’s Ratcatcher 2, namely. Box office be damned, this is one of the best superhero films ever made and will be a classic in the years to come.

2. The Green Knight

When you hear the name “King Arthur,” certain elements spring to mind. It’s one of those classic properties which have been adapted, exploited, and parodied with killer rabbits ad nauseam. Even so, it’s safe to say you’ve never seen the lore become as foreboding and startling as this. Reimagined through the gaze of writer-director David Lowery, the 14th century poem Sir Gawain and the Green Knight at last takes on a trippy and witchy connotation. An interpretation that pulls as much from medieval paganism as it does obsessions with chivalry and Christian virtue, The Green Knight successfully reinvents its Arthurian quest into a journey toward certain doom.

Read more

Movies

The Green Knight: Why David Lowery and Dev Patel Reimagined Arthurian Legend

By David Crow

Movies

The Green Knight Ending Explained

By David Crow

As the central figure on that mission, Dev Patel reveals superstar charisma and the ability to completely command the screen. His version of Gawain, the wayward nephew of King Arthur (Sean Harris), is vain, cowardly, selfish, and somehow wholly sympathetic as he searches for Ralph Ineson’s Green Knight: a godlike creature who has promised to behead Gawain when they meet again. Through it all, Lowery and company craft a sumptuous world that in every shot looks like the most transportive Dungeons and Dragons cover you’ve ever seen. The atmosphere is oppressively brooding, and it will not appeal to everyone. Yet like the very best films released by indie distributor A24, there is a touch of mad genius at work here that demands to be seen and then seen again.

1. Inside

As arguably the best piece of art to come out of 2020’s torments, Bo Burnham’s Inside was not marketed or even conceived of as a film. Nevertheless, it slowly transformed into one throughout its months-long production process, which forewent mere sketch humor to reveal an undeniably cinematic, experimental, and ultimately bleak heart. In other words, it’s a perfect distillation of how all mediums are blurring into that loathsome word: content.

Through heavily edited, conceived, and revised set-pieces, the film’s director, star, writer, and composer lays his insecurities and vanities bare. Filmed inside Burnham’s home studio space, Inside is the result of the young filmmaker behind Eighth Grade becoming acutely aware he’s regressed to his early resources as a teenage YouTube star: a camera, a music keyboard, some synth programs, and hours of idle boredom.

Within those numbing hours, Burnham built something both reflective and suspicious about technology, the internet culture which gave him his career, and even his own self-image. With a catchy songbook of synthesized bangers, many of which echo ’80s pop ballads, Burnham crystallizes better than any typical three-act film the anxieties and delirium of a year spent mostly at home. He also provides a scathing critique of how our concepts of communication and identity have been co-opted and undermined by tech companies whose products incite division for profit—all while still releasing his film on the biggest streaming platform in the world. It’s a challenging, self-loathing, and haunted piece of work that will invariably become a time capsule for its moment in history.

Runner ups that almost made the cut: Annette, Black Widow, Coda, Mr. Soul, No Sudden Move, Raya and the Last Dragon, Rita Moreno: Just a Girl Who Decided to Go For It, The Sparks Brothers, Val.

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Winter Rose - One Shot - Imagine Jon Snow x Reader

Title: Winter Rose Pairing: Jon Snow x Reader Rating: +18 Word Counter: around 3900 Warnings: mature content, NSWF, smut, fluffly, virgin reader Summary: After the Battle of the Bastards, Jon returns to Winterfell and you finally meet each other after six years. You were saving yourself, hoping you'd see him again someday. And that day comes... It's just that, maybe, Jon is willing to give you more than one night stand... The story takes place after the Battle of the Bastards and Jon is declared King in the North :) A/N²: The Winter Rose is an extremely rare and beautiful flower found in Winterfell. You can read more about it, right here --> http://awoiaf.westeros.org/index.php/Winter_rose var Mariana = prompt("What's your name?","Example: Ana; Taylor...") var curly = prompt("What is your hair type?","Example: curly, wavy, straight...") var red = prompt("What is your hair color?","Example: brown, dark blonde, red...") var brown = prompt("What is your eye color?","Example: light brown, dark blue, green...") My Winter Rose "I can barely believe this is not a cold night!" you laugh, looking at the man in front of you. He's changed so much since you last saw him! He seems physically stronger and slightly taller, his hair is the same black and curly you remember and his eyes, though show a lot more experience, are still the same: carrying love and kindness even after everything he's been through, after everyone he's lost "Well, it's not as cold as usual" he agrees, smiling at you. "So why are we here?" you raise your eyebrow, smirking. You're in a cave, your cave, inside the woods in the middle of the night; it was Jon's idea and your hunch tells you what he may have in mind. "Well, it's our spot, remember?" you nod, the memories of you and Jon spending your days here coming to your mind "And you know, no one can see us from here, document.write(Mariana), my Winter Rose!" he winks and you giggle at the nickname he gave you when you were just little kids. It meant the rarest and most beautiful flower in the North, and though you don't agree your qualities could be compared, you appreciate that Jon thinks you are like this flower, it makes you feel special. "No one will come" he reassures "No one has ever come before" you both laugh "I've missed you so much!" he gently presses the tip of his nose against yours. "So have I" you murmurs, pressing your lips together in a slow kids, full of missing and kindness. You hug him, after breaking the kiss to catch some air, looking intensely into his beautiful grey eyes. The ones you missed and have dreamt about in all these years he's been away. You had never lost the hope of seeing them again "Never leave me again!" you whisper. He smiles and caresses your cheeks, gently brushing a strand of your document.write(curly), document.write(red) hair away from your face. "Never let me go" he brushes his lips on yours once more, laying his hands on your hips "Please, punch me if I ever come with the idea of going away once more!" you nod and laugh at his statement. You're not sure you'd be able to hurt him, not physically, but you know you'd do anything to make sure he'd stay forever around you. Jon slowly raises his hands to the side of your breasts, caressing the warm area, still covered by your dress. "You're so beautiful" he starts to undo the ribbons of it, taking it and your underclothes off of you. "Even more after all this time" he kisses your neck and lowers his eyes, giving your whole body a good check"How is it possible?" he jokes and you blush with his compliments. "I'm not that innocent little girl anymore. I'm a grown woman now, Lord Snow" you look down, embarrassed. It doesn't matter how long it's been since you last saw each other, Jon's never saving words (compliments) when he's with you. He always wants to be sure you're feeling in the exactly way he sees you: a strong, kind, rare and beautiful woman. You had just forgotten how loving he could be, and you'd have to get used to it again. He raises your chin, making you look back at him "Yes you are, but you're still you. Your essence is the same one I admired back then" he kisses you tenderly and lays you on the soft fabric, and once Jon adjusts himself on top of you, he starts removing his own clothes. "I've been waiting for this for so long" you whisper against his lips, your hands touching his naked and strong chest slightly "Since we were younger" you chuckle with yourself, breaking the kiss. "Wait..." he frowns "That means you've never..." his eyes widen when you nod, understanding what he meant "For the Gods, I thought that, after all this time, you'd have already been with someone else..." "You didn't want to take me when we were younger and there's never been anyone else since then, Jon" you admit, blushing more "You're the one and only person I'd ever be with" you bite your lower lip, avoiding his eyes, very embarrassed. And this is the truth: Jon is the only man in the world you'd lay with. You've been saving yourself for him since you were just a young, naive teenager, thinking he's the exactly kind of man you'd want to give yourself completely to. "I didn't want to ruin your life taking your maidenhood and leaving for the Wall afterwards" he frowns "But Ramsay... He didn't..." "He only kept me as a hostage and his personal slave. Not a sexual one. I'd probably try and kill myself if I had to have sex with that psycho" you shake your head, getting rid of the images and the terrible memories you had with the Bolton bastard. He was cruel to you in ways you want to forget, and the Gods know how hard you've been trying to. Although, you are glad, because you were, in your point of view, very lucky as he has never touched you. He was just disgusting and wicked. "I was waiting for you" you reopen your eyes and smile when you see his admiration. "Were you waiting for me even knowing I wouldn't come back?" he seems even more astonished. "Well" you shrug, biting your lower lip "Yes?" your answer sounds more like a question as you're still embarrassed. Would he think this is a childish decision? Would he rather if you had already had experience? Would he reject you for being a virgin? "You did come back, though... Stupidity?" you ask, insecure. "Not even a little" he grins, pecking on your cheek "You're amazing" he leans down to kiss you again. As Jon starts moving his mouth down your neck, shivers run up and down your spine. "Jon!" you whisper and he chuckles, his breath along your skin makes your heart jumps in your chest. "So beautiful" he says gazing at your breasts. Jon kisses the top of each one of them tenderly causing you goosebumps and your breath to speed up. Your lower area starts to get wet and more heated. Your mind takes you to the times you and Jon had uncovered each other when teenagers. It's incredible that, today, he's causing you the same feelings he had in the past, maybe even with more intensity. He lowers his head a bit and takes your left nipple in his mouth. Your back arches with the waves of pleasure coming through your whole body. You raise your hands to his black and thick curls as he sucks your already tumid bud. You start whispering his name and some other incoherent words slip out of your mouth without your permission. Jon plays with your sensitive bud by swirling his tongue around it, leaving your skin wet with his saliva, and that only turns you on even more. You never thought you'd be so anxious and so ready to receive him downstairs without being touched yet! He moves his head to lick your right nipple, slowly circling it, before changing his position and laying by your side. His hand makes its way down your body in the direction of your aleady wet, throbbing and needy pussy. Jon's eyes never leave yours and his fingers find your sweet spot, touching it carefully as if he's trying to recognise your body, or memorise it in the same way he used to do years before. He sucks your right breast like if he was a hungry young boy, while his middle finger plays with your lower lips. Jon caress your folds, opens them and teases one of his fingertips in your slit before slowly entering it. "So wet..." he moans against your bud "And so tight!" Jon moves his finger in and out of you carefully as his thumb presses your clit intensely. "Jon..." you whisper, archying your back when the goosebumps go down your belly to your wet girl, the fluids flowing down your thighs are making easier for him to move between your folds. "document.write(Mariana)!" he moans in your breasts, cautiously biting your right nipple and you close your eyes, shivering with the pleasure. "It's so good, Jon!" you get closer and closer to the edge. Your heartbeat goes to a crazy and fast rhythm, pounding strongly in your chest and your hips start moving against his hand. "Take it easy, baby. We have a lot of time!" he whispers in your skin, raising his head to look in your eyes and slowing down his movements in your slit, positioning himself back onto you. "Jon?" you ask, confused. Is he going to stop touching you? "Yeah?" he chuckles, kissing the skin between your breasts and taking his hand from your slit back to your waist "Tell me what you want!" he says still looking at you. "Hm... Won't you..." you can't complete as you feel embarrassed again. "Tell me... Do you want my mouth..." he lowers his hand again, letting his fingers play with your wet folds once more, making you moan his name "In here?" "Oh, yes!" you close your eyes, craving for that moment. "Ask for it!" he whispers sucking your nipple slightly. "Kiss me..." you beg, rubbing your hips into his fingers. "I already am" he laughs and then kisses the top of each breast. "No..." you shake your head trying to keep yourself thinking properly as his thumb restarts pressing your clit "I meant... Kiss me there" you say, opening your eyes to look into his, his gaze is locked into yours. "Where, love? You need to tell me. I'm not a mind reader" he jokes and you both giggle. "Kiss my..." you don't know why you're feeling so embarrassed, but the fact is: you were never really a potty mouth kind of person, but you can tell Jon is trying to make you speak such dirty words in order to let you more shameless "My muff?" you complete, still unsure of how to say this type of thing. "Muff?" he frowns, chuckling afterwards. Well, muff was the word your mom used to describe your female parts when you were a child. "Hm..." you compress your lips when the flush remains in your cheeks "Kiss my pussy" you correct yourself, closing your eyes again, extremely shy. "As you wish, milady" he whispers giving you a loving peck before leaning down your body. Jon kisses each one of your nipples and keeps going down your belly. You open your eyes, leaning on your elbows as he spreads your legs and leaves teasing kisses from your inner thigh to your wet core. He carefully opens your lips with his own, before licking your slit which makes you shiver underneath him. "Oh, Gods!" you whisper when he adds one finger to his act, rubbing your clit in small circles. "Moan to me!" he says against your center, his warm breath causing the muscles in your belly to squirm. "Jon!" you do as he asks, laying back on the cloth. "You're so pretty! You should see how wet, how beautiful and ready you are for me!" he keeps his voice in a low tone, making you more needy of everything he was willing to give you. "I need you, Jon!" you moan, trying to bring your legs together to get more friction, but he stops you, holding your legs as apart as they could be. "Just a moment, love!" he smirks, giving gentle kisses around your pussy. He sucks your lips and then licks from your entrance to your clit a few times, making you even more wet. You twist your fingers around his already messy hair when he gets one finger into you "Is this good?" he speaks against your throbbing clit, licking around the swollen bud. "Yes!" you nod, pressing his head to your core. Jon starts sucking your clit while pumping his finger in and out of you. Once your inner walls stretch a bit, he carefully adds a second one, and looks into your eyes, making sure you're comfortable. As soon as you get used to them, he increases his pace, feeling your soaked, soft pussy clenching around his fingers and you moan his name out loud as you're close to get your release. "So good, Jon!" you close your eyes; the butterflies in your stomach going down and down and your heartbeat growing faster when you finally reach the edge. He removes his fingers from your inside, and lowers his head to your slit, licking your entrance, tasting your flavor when he puts his tongue into your wetness. "You taste amazing, baby!" Jon says, raising his head to look at you. His mouth and beard/chin are glowing from your fluids and he licks his lips while travelling up your body. He presses his crotch, still covered in his underpants, in your inner thigh as he leans down to kiss you. Feeling your taste in his lips makes you more horny. You buck your hips up, rubbing your sensitive flesh into his hard one. Jon quickly removes his pants and you give him a good check. It's been years since you last saw him completely exposed to you and he seems bigger than before. "Are you ready, love?" he asks, caressing your left cheek. "Yes!" nodding, you wrap your arms around his neck and bring him closer to you. He gently rubs your thighs, spreading them a little bit more and positioning himself better on top of you. Then, he leans on his arms and starts pressing the tip of his cock into your slit, slowly entering in your wet core. When he stretches your walls, some kind of pain occurs in your lower area and it gets worse as he deepens his thick length inside you. "I'm so sorry, baby!" he whispers, his brows furrowed in concern, when he notes the pain in your eyes "I'll take it slow, I promise!". He does as he said and in a couple of minutes, his cock is entirely inside you, filling you in completely "Oh, love, so tight!" he moans, giving wet loving kisses along your neck. Jon gives you some time to adjust to his size, which is pretty big, and when you feel ready enough, you bring your feet up to his butt, pressing him more against your center. "Are you sure, baby? I don't wanna hurt you more..." he asks, realising your intentions. "Yes, Jon! I want you to make me yours!" you answer, pulling him down to a fiery kiss. You push your tongue inside his mouth, moving it with his own. Jon takes it as another hint to finally starts moving. He pulls his length out of you just to slowly sink it back into your folds. "You're so warm!" he murmurs, smiling at you and you smile shyly back at him. You find yourselves gazing at each other and he holds your waist still as he gently slides his cock in and out of you, observing your expressions, looking for any trace of pain in your eyes. "I'm fine, I promise!" you caress is cheek, trying to show him he can move faster. Jon leans down and takes your lips with his and starts moving his hips up and down, you can feel his manhood stretching your walls further as he thrust into your core. It's still painful, but more bearable than the moments before. "document.write(Mariana)!" He moans next to your ear, his husky voice tone sending shivers through your spine and the muscles in your belly squirm which makes your pussy wetter "So good, baby!" he pushes his length in stronger pumps. You moan his name, slowly losing your control, only realising that, when you nail his back. You give him an apologetic look as your cheeks go red again and he just smiles, keeping his pace caring and strong at the same time. He guides your hips to move from side to side, making small circles around his cock. You throw you head back, your eyes closed, when the pleasure hits you in an almost painful way, your heart is throbbing so fast that you can hear them loud in your ears "Jon!" you murmur, he's licking your neck, giving it fiery wet kisses. "Baby!" he whispers in your skin, and speeds up his rhythm, going deeper in your cunt "Look at me, love, let me see you!" he kisses your jawline and leans to one arm, moving the other down your body, between your legs, and rubbing your swollen bud with his fingers. So, you open your document.write(brown) eyes to see his beautiful grey ones gazing at your face, seeming amazed, caring and loving. You smile at him, and pulls him down to a tender and gentle kiss while he keeps thrusting into your core "I'm close baby!" you whisper in his lips. "So am I" he breaks the kiss and looks into your eyes and nips your throbbing clit. "Oh my Gods!" the delight is so great you want to close your eyes, but Jon's gaze is full of such love and admiration that you can't look away "JON!" you scream when you hit the edge, and he groans your name as well as he fills your pussy with his release, mixing his fluids with your own. You stay there, catching your breaths and normalising your heartbeats, smiling at each other "I love you" he's the first to break the silence, finally speaking the words you haven't heard for nearly six years! "I love you too!" you smile, raising your hands again and wrapping them around his neck, bringing him closer so that you can kiss him properly. He slides his tongue into your mouth, savoring your taste as he slips out of your slit. "Come here!" he whispers, after he lays by your side, pulling you into his torso and wrapping his strong arms around your body and he starts caressing your back. Laid down on his chest, you smile when you hear the pounds of his heart are still speedy. You involve his waist with your arm in a odd kind of sideways hug "You're amazing!" he kisses the top of your head and you can feel his happiness in his voice tone. "Thank you!" you raise your head to look into his eyes, intrigued by his statement. "For what?" you ask, frowning. "For not forgetting me. Or the feelings you had for me" he caress your cheek "What happened here, you giving yourself for me in this way, with no restrictions... I know what that meant to you and I want you to know much that meant to me as well..." he takes a deep breath and gives you one of his brightest smiles, the rarest ones. Jon sits up and keep you close to him, holding you by your waist "Would you marry me?" he asks, looking into your eyes. His are glowing in a way you've never seen before. "You want me to marry you?" you ask, surprised, not entirely sure you've heard him rightly. "Yeah!" he nods, and tilts his head a bit "Why are you so surprised?" he frowns. "I don't know!" you shrug, looking away, embarassed, the heat coming up to your cheeks as usual "You're the King now" you look back at him "I didn't think you'd marry me. I thought you'd pick a daughter of a Lord, or a widowed Lady or a noble girl... Not a commoner like me" you bite your lower lip. What will the nothern people think about your relationship? "Do you think the Lords will approve us being together?" "Well, my Winter Rose, they chose me as their King, I didn't ask for it. I must take more responsibilities, but from all of them, you're the only one I can choose, the only one I want to. I'd have never done anything to you tonight, if I hadn't being completely sure of what I've wanted. And I want you" he gives you a peck "They'd find a way to handle with that. document.write(Mariana), the Queen in the North, I like how that sounds, don't you?" he laughs softly. "Yes!" you smile, wrapping your hands around his neck. "So is it a yes, yes?" he asks, looking deeply into your eyes. "Yes!" you nod, hugging him tight and pulling into a kiss full of love and passion. "Great!" he grins, giving small kisses all over your face and you smile wide "Now, let's go back to the Castle before someone finds we're out and decides to look for us. I still want to keep this place for us!" he jokes, making you giggle. Jon stands up, helping you to do the same and you start to dress your clothes up. "I'm glad you brought this" you chuckle, pointing to the light fabric laid upon the cave ground. Now it has a blood stain in the middle. "Hm..." he frowns, pressing his lips in a thin line, his expression becoming suddenly serious "Did I hurt you, document.write(Mariana)?" he asks worried, looking at the red spot and then he raises the skirt of your dress, seeing your thighs, which have some blood dropping from your core "Are you feeling well?". "Yes, don't worry" you take his hands in yours, kissing them "I'm more than fine!" smiling, you press your lips to his quickly and pick the fabric up from the ground making a small ball with it "Shall we go?" you offer your right hand to him. "Yes, my Queen!" Jon grins, taking your hand and you walk to his bedchambers. ... "Ghost!" you caress the direwolf's head, feeling his warm and soft fur when you enter Jon's chambers. "He missed you!" Jon hugs you, his large and strong chest pressed against your back, he involve your waist with his arms. "I missed him too" you smile, the feeling in your heart telling you that everything is falling into its places. You finally have your lover back, and with his proposal, you'll be with him for the eternity! It's more than you've asked, more than you thought you'd ever have! "Now..." he turns you to face him "You must be tired" he winks and you nod, blushing slightly "Good" biting his lower lips, he conduces you to his bed and he undresses you before helping you to lay down between his comfortable blankets. He takes his clothes off as well, laying by your side "Sleep well, my Winter Rose, we have a lot to plan in the next days!" he smiles and you understand he's referring to your marriage. "I love you, my Jon!" you grin, cupping his face and kissing him. "I love you too, my Winter Rose!" he pulls you into his chest, caressing your back and leaving a kiss on the top of your head. You can also check the gif with a better quality right here --> https://giphy.com/gifs/rzA96QDHDlMNW/html5 A/N³: So, people, I hope you've liked the imagine. You can leave me questions, suggestions and corrections in my message box. I tried really hard to review the text as best as I could, but I'm not an English expert (in grammar/vocabulary), so I hope you understand some mistakes or word repetitions, specially because it's smutty! Though I promise you I'll improve my knowledge as I write my future imagines. I just need I little bit of patience and comprehension :) REQUESTS ARE OPEN!

Game of Thrones - s07-03.

So Jon actually shows up with five guys to meet the daughter of the man who brunt his grandfather and uncle, when everyone told him it was a bad idea, with the purpose of mining dragonglass.

Well, I do hope you still have that teleportation spell around, because you’ll need it to get all that dragonglass in time, right? Or perhaps he expects Dany will provide the men for that?

Anywayyyyyyyyyyyy.

“I’m not a Stark.” Dragon suddenly appears.

SMOOOOOOOOOOOOOTH, sooooo smooooooooooth.

Aaaaaaaaaaaand here we go, the so long awaited first meeting between Daenerys of the House Targaryen, the First of Her Name, The Unburnt, Queen of the Andals, the Rhoynar and the First Men, Queen of Meereen, Khaleesi of the Great Grass Sea, Protector of the Realm, Lady Regnant of the Seven Kingdoms, Breaker of Chains and Mother of Dragons and….

Jon Snow.

The… hum. King in the North.

You know what? That made me laugh like hell, actually, but I think it was more like… nervous laughter? Thank the gods for Davos, that man is gold, I think he’s like the only character I still like on this show, with Theon. When he tries to bond with Missandei? It was so cute and silly, I loved it.

We are now watching the two rulers we’re supposed to root for, because they’re supposed to be the most legitimate, kind and competent ones and they are…. Acting like toddlers? Daenerys is like: “blablabla my birth right” and Jon goes “blablabla white walkers”? Dany expects Jon to bend the knee without knowing anything about her, except the fact that she’s the Mad King’s daughter? And Jon expects Daenerys to help him defeat the White Walkers when they’re supposed to be gone for so long people think they’re legends?  Okay maybe the fact that she has three dragons when they were supposed be extinct should allow her to think that what was supposed to be impossible may be possible, but still. She can’t believe the word of a complete stranger, right?

And then Tyrion asks: “If it doesn’t matter anyway then why don’t you bend the knee?” or something.

MY THOUGHT EXACTLY.

If it’s about not wanting to break the promises Jon made to his subjects, to the Northern Lords, then why don’t he tell her that? “I’m sorry, I’d bend the knee if it meant getting your help against the White Walkers but if I do so, everyone in the North will feel betrayed and I’ll lose my people’s trust, I can’t do that, but if you help me defeat the WW, then the North will see you as a good and rightful ruler and then I may be able to pledge my loyalty to you without losing all my allies.” There. Done. And Daenerys is supposed to be smart and kind, so she WOULD understand that.

But no, it’s probably more interesting to watch them bicker like an old married couple because it’s supposed to build up sexual tension for the Boat Sex™.

Ugh.

Oh, look, Varys the King of Timing shows up to tell Dany that she just lost two allies. Looks like she needs Jon Snow after all.

How convenient.

Tyrion and Jon’s scene on top of that cliff was… sad? Sad because instead of having a meaningful scene between two characters who have a lot in common, between someone who gave an excellent advice to Jon and made him see the world differently and think about a lot of things, they decided to make a joke about who’s the best at brooding.

We’ve sunk this low.

Back to King’s Landing. What more can I say about “Euron Greyjoy” that hasn’t been said already? He’s ridiculous. I feel sorry for that poor actor who has to tell lines like “does she like a finger in the bum?” and pretend it makes him the biggest meanie and scariest man of this season. I feel sorry for Ellaria and her daughters, whose characters were completely destroyed.

I don’t know what we were supposed to feel during that scene between Cersei, Ellaria and her daughter. If we were supposed to feel sorry for Ellaria, you failed. But I truly feel sorry for Indira Varma, because she’s amazing and her reactions could have been heartbreaking. But I just felt like it was fair. Like she was getting what she deserved, for murdering an innocent girl and her lover’s brother. I was on Cersei The Psycho’s side and I really didn’t want to feel like this, but that’s how I felt because of how incompetent D&D were with their dealing with Dorne’s plot.

But of course it didn’t last long, because we get to have a new incestuous sex scene between Cersei and… I don’t know who that man is. Really, I have no idea who he’s supposed to be. This is not Jaime Lannister. This is an empty shell who’s just here to fulfill D&D’s fascination for unhealthy and useless relationships. And it gets worse, because of course she doesn’t care anymore if someone sees them, so the handmaid gets to witness Cersei and Jaime in bed together.

“I’m Queen now.” Right, of course, forgive me, I should have thought of that. No Queen nor King ever were deposed because they weren’t acting like they were expected to.

Let’s go to Hogwarts, for a change of scenery. Sooo, Sam Potter broke the rules and took great risks to cure brave Jorah, so Mester Slughorn-Dumbledore gives ten points to Gryffindor! I knew at this point that Jorah would be cured and that it would be too fast. But that fast? I mean, the Mester told Jorah he had one night to decide if he wanted to kill himself or be sent with the other stone men to die slowly, right? So Sam cured him in ONE night? This is ridiculous.

WINTERFELL. You know what? I was so glad to see Sansa doing such a great job at ruling. Finally, we got to see her, the Queen in the North she should have been. Finally, she proves how smart and efficient she is. And by the gods, how GOOD it felt to see her destroy Littlefinger everytime he tried to speak. Until, of course, he said something that was supposed to be smart and meaningful, making her doubt again. It was so good, why d’you ruin it? Seriously, WHY? We all know at this point that Littlefinger will try to turn Sansa against the other Starks or a part of them, we all know that he’ll probably succeed a bit, or completely fail and then someone will kill him, he’s useless, WHY d’you keep him around?

And once again, it gets worse.

Bran is finally home.

Bran, my sweet summer child, is back to Winterfell.

I should have been in tears. Maybe I have high expectations concerning the Stark children reunions, but I think I’m entitled to have them. All the others are dead. She doesn’t know where Arya is, so she probably thinks she’s dead too. She lost everyone and she gets to have her baby brother back. I saw that on her part.

But what the hell. Did they do. To Bran? Is this their version of a wise boy? This emo creepy thing that don’t even SMILE when he’s finally reunited with his big sister after years?

If they wanted to show us that becoming the Three-eyed-raven (crow) changed Bran, maybe they should have shown it sooner? And that sceneby the weirwood…. Jesus Christ, that scene by the weirwoods!!!! I felt so SICK! I’ve never felt this sick in front of GoT, and god knows we’ve seen a lot of useless and badly written violence in this show, but THIS!!!!!

Her baby brother just deadpans how beautiful the night was when Sansa got raped. How beautiful she was in that dress, the night she got FUCKING RAPED!!!!!

WHY?

WHAT is the meaning of this??? What are you trying to achieve???? Is this supposed to show us that Bran lost a part of his humanity when he became that thing he can’t even EXPLAIN!!!!!!!!!!! Well it doesn’t WORK! Because it’s too much, too soon!

And why can’t he explain what it is? Because it’s too complicated for his silly sister who doesn’t know a thing about mystical stuff? Or because D&D actually have NO IDEA what it truly means? I’d bet on the latter…

Now, the… Mh. Battles? Can we even call those things ‘battles’? Tyrion telling what happened ruined it. Casterly Rock looked like shit. I still don’t see the point of taking Casterly Rock, Tyrion said it himself that Cersei expected him to attack the castle, SO WHY D’YOU DO IT???????????? WHAT IS THE POINT?

Oh I know: if Daenerys showed up in King’s Landing, she’d wipe the floor with Cersei’s ass in 3.4 seconds but that can’t happen because we need her to keep the throne and be the evil queen for the whole season so let’s make Tyrion do stupid things instead.

Sure.

Highgarden was as ridiculous as Casterly Rock. Seriously, if you’re going to be lazy about it, why d’you even mention it? Do it completely off screen, have Tyrion make a report to Daenerys about their defeat, have Jaime back to King’s Landing to tell Cersei he defeated the Tyrells, DO NOT bother with these ridiculous castles.

The Tyrell’s sigil is a golden rose, so of course they suck at war and lost their castle in three seconds. I mean, A ROSE!!! They didn’t stand a chance!!!!

Why do people keep warning Jaime about Cersei? I mean, when did he show people (except Brienne in s3  when they were still trying to follow the wonderful character development GRRM gave to Jaime) that he was more than her lap dog and the Kingslayer? At this point, shouldn’t Olenna think that he’s just as crazy as her?

Wait no, I think I know what they’re trying to do. They’re trying to prepare the audience for the moment when Jaime will finally stop following Cersei around (as he should have like…. Two seasons ago?) and probably even betray her. So you’re hinting that even if it makes no sense but you’re not hinting the dehumanization of Bran before he ends up telling his sister how gorgeous she was the night Ramsay raped her?

Wow. Great job.

Olenna dear, can I borrow your cup of poison? I think I’m going to need it.