#jjmaybank
Text
Wanted
Paring(s): JJ maybank x fem!reader
Summary: in a world where someone had everything, she still got treated like she was nothing. all she wanted was to be wanted.
Authors note: I wanted this piece piece to be as real as possible. It's not simple, its messy. We've all gone back to that one person we know we shouldn't just because being alone seemed worse. Also she gets absolutely railed so that helps. So please be kind to her lmfao.
Rating: smut, 18+, mdni, ANGST
Song rec: making the bed by olivia rodrigo
Part 1: Guilty
Bored.
I was so incredibly bored. I leaned against the built in bar as I watched Topper and Kelce take body shots off some tourists they invited. The loud bass of the music did little to tune out the annoying voice of Amy Culpo, who stood next to me, and rattled on about my mother’s latest line.
“I mean, it’s absolutely stunning.” I know it is. I was there when she designed it. “Any chance you have tickets to her next show?”
Ah, there it was. The brutal truth he reminded me of all those months ago. Every interaction was a strategic move to climbing the next prong on the social ladder. Everyone always wanted something.
I used to fight that notion. I thought I was better than them because I actually cared about other people. My wealth did not define me nor how I treated other people, but despite every effort I made both before and after him, I realized none of it mattered.
I couldn’t escape my wealth. It was permanently engraved into my body and no matter how hard I tried to scrub, it wouldn’t go away. I’ve now fully embraced that ugly truth and decided that I might as well use it to my advantage. I almost always had something that others wanted and I just had to figure out what they were willing to give. I didn’t need any more money, but there were things that were far more valuable. Favors, tickets to the hottest openings, plane rides. Since everyone already saw me as a spoiled little rich girl, I might as well play the part.
‘Depends. Are those last season MIU MIU?” I asked, tossing a look at the shoes on her feet.
“There from the season before-“ I pulled a face at her words. Before last season? I wouldn’t be caught dead wearing anything last season let alone the season before.
“Oh honey, if those are two seasons old, then I highly doubt you have anything I want.” The shocked look on her face dulled the aching pain that seemed to permanently reside in my chest.
“I can charter a plane-“
I raised my hand to silence her. “You don’t have your own?”
What was she even doing here?
This was a new little project of mine. I tossed away all those societal niceties that did little for me in the end. I still couldn’t get anyone to stay. This was much more fun. You’d be surprised by how much stuff you could get away with if you cut out all the bullshit.
Amy’s cheeks flushed red and maybe once I’d have felt bad or be disgusted by how I was treating her but I was numb. I realized nothing really mattered. Whether I was nice or rude, people all wanted the same things from me. At least this way, I could armor myself.
“There’s my pretty girl.” Warm hands curled around my waist, tugging me against a hard body.
I rolled my eyes. I wasn't his anything, Rafe knew that but he’s always had a flare for the dramatics. Tom Ford’s Noir de Noir filled my nose as I swatted at his hands, hands that I’ve grown quite familiar with.
“You left me.” I shot him a bratty look, one he met head on with a smile. Amy still stood there awkwardly, clearing her throat in an obvious attempt to gain my attention.
I turned around in Rafe’s arms, debating my next move. Almost immediately his chin came to rest on the top of my head while his arms curled around my front.
My eyes shot one last distasteful look at her outfit, before tossing out my arm in the opposite direction. “Shoo.”
She huffed before stomping away but not before shooting me one final glare. A look that would have made me cry before, but now it simply dinged off the impenetrable armor I’ve suited myself with.
“I was hoping it’d build character, but clearly that didn’t work.” I could hear the smile in his words as he pressed a kiss on the top of my head.
“The entire conversation was dull. She didn’t even have a jet, plus her shoes were two seasons ago.” I shuddered in disgust. Could never be me.
Rafe clutched his chest in mock disgust,”Not two seasons.”
I let out a huff, my chest going warm at the teasing glint in his eye.
There was no spark. There were no butterflies. Just familiarity and warmth. It was safe. We both knew what this was and expected nothing more. For now, we were just having fun. Despite the fact that I spent most nights at his place and rarely found myself without him.
I’ve found somewhat of a friend in Rafe. Someone to share the burden of being from a family like ours. He understood me. He enjoyed shiny things just as I did.
We spent a lot of our time going to the mainland because the idea of running into him still sent me to my knees. This was a small island. One that he was spending all his time running around with her instead of me. Rafe never said a word about it, never mentioned his sister or her pogue friends. And for that, maybe I do love him a little.
“You make fun of me now, but you’d still be wearing polo shirts and plaid shorts if it weren’t for me.” My hands smooth down the front of his linen light blue shirt, the first several buttons open paired with some black Gucci slacks and a black belt from Dolce & Gabbana. He no longer looked like a frat douche but a member of upper class society.
The same can’t be said about his friends.
“C’mon. Top and Kelce want us over there.” Rafe grasped my hand and tugged me in the direction of drunken yells. I pursed my lips but trudged behind him. The idea of being thrown up on was less than appealing, but being by myself was even less appealing.
“Hey guys.” Rafe nodded at them, taking a seat on the adjacent couch, a table with all sorts of drugs littered on it in between them.
The pair of them were obliterated, both their pupils blown wide and their speech slurred. That didn’t stop them from tossing me a sloppy grin and shouting a greeting.
The spot next to Rafe was vacant but on the other end was a couple gnawing each other's faces off that had me scrunching my nose up in disgust. He surely didn’t expect me to sit next to that?
He didn’t even bat an eye, instead Rafe patted his lap, tugging at my hand to sit down. “Wanna drink, baby?”
I nodded, deciding to once again indulge. It was better than feeling that stabbing pain that burned in my chest. It was a horrible solution but one that Rafe always supported, in fact he often took part in self-destructing with me. We were done with trying to be perfect for parents who couldn’t give less of a fuck.
A red solo cup with a familiar yellow concoction was waved in front of me. The pungent scent of tequila burned my nose and I shot him a secret smile. Rafe’s blue eyes narrowed in on me, glued on my smile before he shook his head in amusement.
“That’s the kinda night we’re going for?” He asked, his hand slowly gripping my thigh.
“Unless you don’t want to?” I sighed dramatically, pushing his dark blonde strands back from his face, something I knew he loved.
“If I ever say no to that question, feel free to shoot me.”
A giggle escaped my lips as I tapped my cup against his before bringing it to my lips, tilting my head back and zeroing it out.
The tequila left a burning trail down my stomach that I welcomed. It meant I was one step closer to not feeling anything at all.
“Another?” Rafe’s eyes pointed at my now empty cup and I nodded.
Being responsible was so overrated.
Lifting his hand up, almost immediately two younger boys, about 16, appear. Rafe pointed at me, muttering something before the pair nodded and took off.
I raised my eyebrow at him, confused.
He just shrugged, leaning forward to touch the golden pendant that hung from my neck. “I promised them tickets to the Charleston basketball game if they did whatever I said.”
“Why?”
“I was bored,” He hummed in response,”This is new, it’s pretty..”
I smiled back at him, the very picture of nonchalance, before replying,”Thank you. You bought it for me.”
His ocean eyes rested on me, the infatuation clear as day that had my stomach clenching. “Course I did. I have great taste.”
Rafe gave me his card about two months ago, not that I needed it, but he enjoyed taking care of me and I didnt mind. Plus, whenever he made me mad, I made sure to run the bill up, hoping for some type of reaction but it only left him amused.
Nerves gnawed at my stomach at the intense eye contact. Maybe the lines have blurred slightly. Clearing my throat to try and break the tension, I tossed my hair over my shoulder. “Want to see what else you bought me?”
“Enlighten me.”
I flashed him my freshly manicured nails, “What do you think?”
Rafe caught my hand, a half smile painted on his face, and kissed it. “Is that passion pink?”
“It’s actually bubblegum blush.”
“Beautiful, baby. I love it.” His words burned into my chest.
It was hard to describe. His approval had butterflies thrumming in my stomach. Maybe it was because we were stuck in similar situations, but his approval suddenly meant something to me. Being with him meant I wasn’t alone.
“You know we’re right here, right?” Topper's voice cut through the tension and I let out a laugh, relieved to look away.
“Fuck off.” Rafe laughed, regaining his composure as well.
Topper leaned forward holding out a black AMEX for me to take. My eyes paused on the card before shooting him a flat look.
“Are you kidding?”
Topper gave me a blank look, not a thought behind those eyes.
I rolled my eyes and stuck my nose up in mock outrage. “Rafe does it for me.”
The annoyed look on Topper’s face sent a thrill through my body. He was the easiest to rile up and Rafe knew it as he hid his chuckle with a quick cough.
The hand on my bare thigh slowly drew circles, the action almost unconscious, which had my brain blanking. It was a relief to not think. To not remember. To not feel.
“Are your hands broken?”
“No. I’m too pretty.” I shrugged, batting my lashes at him.
Topper openly scowled at me, his eyes dropping to where Rafe’s hands held me tightly. “What happened to the nice little girl who cried about everything?”
“Lay off.” Rafe snipped, leaning forward and snatching the AMEX out of his hand. His movements were quick and precise, with ease that only came with experience.
He separated the coke into three lines, one for me and two for him, just like always.
Bending over, I snorted the line quickly. Turning to hand Rafe the hundred dollar bill, his fingers dust off any remaining powder off my nose, before he bent over and did the same.
I leaned back into Rafe, the mixture of the tequila and the sting of the coke had me feeling sublime. It was a perfect balance. The alcohol got me warm and buzzed while the coke kept me awake and alert, an upper and a downer, a perfect description for every emotion in my body.
“I grew up.”
Topper hummed. “You certainly did.”
For the next hour, my mind never drifted to him. I enjoyed having thoughts that were my own, that didn’t revolve around him. Instead, my thoughts focused on the man below me. Rafe was always touching me. Even more so than usual, his hand never left my body once. If I let go of his hand to reach for my drink, he’s just moved it to my thigh. It was almost possessive which was odd, we didn’t do possessive.
Every couple moments, he’d pause in the middle of a conversation to press small kisses anywhere his lips could reach. It seemed performative, but I just couldn’t prove it.
“You’re thinking too hard.” His hot breath hot against the shell of my ear.
I said nothing for a moment before licking my lips and muttering,”Are you okay? You seem more clingy than usual?”
He just nodded, pulling me to his hard chest, his eyes darting to the side. “I just like having you with me.”
The sentiment was sweet and my heart tugged at his words. But, I couldn’t let go of the feeling that I was missing something. “I like having you with me too.” I allowed myself to give him a sliver of vulnerability, something I’ve avoided like plague, because it was true. He made living just a bit easier.
My head began to spin as I felt the lines of our odd friendship begin to blur. I knew neither of us would admit the sudden shift but it was there. I could tell with each lingering gaze and those secret touches. Maybe there was something here. I just had to give in.
“I’m glad you came to your senses,” He responded, but once again his eyes are not on mine but darting around me.
“What does that have to do with anything?” My voice comes out hushed, hoping it would get him to lower his voice.
My smile from his previous confession dimmed. Nerves slowly began to surface as I tried to read between the lines.
“You do belong with me, at least that's what you scream every night, isn’t that right baby?” He was boasting, loud enough to have his boys give him lame-ass high fives.
The small burst of happiness curdled like old milk in my stomach. I wasn’t a prude, not by a long shot, but I was a private person. Rafe knew this and he was still flaunting our private moments in a way that made me feel dirty.
“Stop talking about me like that.” I said, “What’s gotten into you?”
I felt Rafe go rigid under me. Frowning, I tilted my head back to make sure he was alright but his eyes were glued ahead.
“Rafe, I’m here for my stuff. Where did you say you put it again?”
My head turned and my stomach did a backflip. Sarah stood at the entrance of the room, looking immensely uncomfortable.
John B stood behind her, his big brown puppy-like eyes widened at the sight of me on Rafe’s lap. Or maybe it was because of the coke laid out in front of me?
But wherever he was, JJ wasn’t far behind. John B whispered something in Sarah’s ear, her eyes jumped to me for a split second before returning to his. She nodded and John B made a beeline for the other room.
I let out a choked laugh. I’m sure he was going to report back to his little lap dog. What were they even doing here in the first place? It’s not like Rafe knew-
My brain clicked into place. The constant need to touch me and the over the top PDA was because he was here. Rafe knew he was here and wanted to rub it in his face.
Rafe’s words were never for me. They were for him.
None of this was real. Not the endearing names, not the proclamations of affection. An ice bucket of realization poured over me and I felt like a fool. A fool for thinking that somebody else could want me, could maybe even love me.
Fuck this. Fuck both of them.
“You knew.” I accused, shoving his hands off of my body.
Rafe said nothing, but the flicker in his eyes gave him away. I wasn’t safe with him either. Embarrassment oozed into me, the feeling painstakingly familiar. We agreed to never make each other feel this way since our parents did it enough, but he did it to me.
Don’t think. Don’t feel.
Snatching the cup out of his hand, I forced it down, gulp by gulp, wincing at the burn. Straight tequila. “Babe-“
“Shut up.” I hissed, moving off his lap and shoving Topper to move over. Everyone always wanted something from me.
They never just wanted me.
Maybe I was defective. I had to be.
JJ didn’t love me when I was me. When I cared about other people and sacrificed pieces of my happiness for them.
Rafe didn’t love me now. When I was a spoiled brat who treated everyone like a transaction.
It didn’t matter if I was nice or a total raging bitch. Either way, I couldn't get anyone to love me.
I was just the stepping stone they used before they found the person they really wanted to be with. I was just there to make them feel good about themselves. For them to take and take just to toss me aside when they were done. Leaving me a shell of a person with no one, not even myself.
I guess, I was impossible to love.
“Line it up, Topper.”
“Can I at least get a please?”
“Be lucky that I’m even talking to you.”
Topper scoffed but did what I asked, lining up two lines of chalky white powder. “There you go, princess:”
A rolled hundred dollar bill was held out in front of me. Plucking it out of his fingers. I bent over the table. Don’t think. Don’t feel.
Dragging the cylinder bill down the crystal snow powder I’ve grown to love, I inhaled deeply. The chemicals flowing through the nose. I could practically feel the coke dissolving into my bloodstream, my body vibrating in response.
Dropping the bill on the table, I tilt my head back, begging my brain to shut off. I closed my eyes and chose to focus on the beat of the music that had my heart thrumming in my chest.
Then it happened.
All the air in the room was sucked up. The hair behind my neck stood up and my body suddenly awakened in a way it hadn’t in months.
My body recognized him before my brain did. The moment I opened my eyes, his eyes clashed with mine.
JJ.
It was like seeing him for the first time, a memory I thought I would never get the chance to feel again.
Heavy set blonde brows framed his bright blue eyes beautifully, the strong cut jaw that was currently clenched, and his lips soft and pouty, tightly pressed in a flat line. This face, his beautiful face, wouldn’t be complete without some mark. A bruise, a soft purple and yellow hue, decorated his cheek bone. His bottom lip busted.
He was so beautiful.
My body reacted before my brain could follow. I stood up quickly, too quickly that the blood rushed to my head and the room seemed to spin.
God, he was beautiful. And I fucking hated him for it. He was supposed to be like me, a complete and total mess, but instead, he looked the same, even better actually.
That thought alone had me ready to jump off the balcony.
My movements were clumsy and I drunkenly stumbled while standing still, his eyes clocking that in seconds.
Despite the loud music, I noticed the silence coming from the couch.
My eyes jumped to Rafe. All the laughter around us died off and everyone was exchanging nervous looks. It didn’t take a genius to read the room and the situation I’ve somehow managed to put myself in.
Blue eyes flickered between the two of us. It cracked my chest open wide and opened the floodgates I’ve been trying so hard to keep closed.
The crushing inescapable weight of shame hit me first. I was plastered, obviously so, and high as a kite. The evidence of what I’d been doing displayed out in front of me like a flashing sign. And I was fucking the one guy he hated.
It was unreasonable, I know. He left me and even pushed me in the direction of the one guy he hated and yet, I was the one feeling bad. He hasn’t even opened his mouth yet and it’s been turned onto me. But love never makes sense. It made the most sane people lose every coherent thought, I was the prime example.
“You should probably go, bro.” Rafe said, his tone was anything but.
He moved from his spot on the couch and stopped beside me. Rafe shoved a hand in one pocket while the other reached for mine, but I folded my arms across my chest. Mostly because I was mad at him, but a part of me didn’t want JJ seeing that.
JJ didn’t spare him a second glance.
He had on a dark blue short sleeve button down shirt with black cargos and chunky black boots on his feet. A backwards red hat settled nicely on the blonde mass of wavy hair and his shark necklace hanging against the exposed part of his chest.
It was so JJ. All of it, right down to the colorful bracelets that littered his wrists.
A hand grasped my chin and tilted up. I held my breath. His fingers slid along my jaw and he rubbed his thumb over the skin. His eyes felt like lasers, honing in on every detail of my face.
I swallowed audibly. JJ leaned in closer, bringing his height down to mine. His thumb brushed a soft stroke below my nose while his lips brushed against my ear.
“You had a little something on your nose.”
JJ let go of my face, his expression hard. Then he brushed past me, leaving a gaping wound in his wake.
Tears burned behind my closed eyes. He didn’t need to say it because I already knew what he was thinking. Sure, JJ smoked some weed but he never touched any of the hard stuff, not wanting to pick up the same habits as his dad. Hard drugs were a hard limit for him and he found me snorting several lines of it.
I went and became the very thing he hated, just like he wanted. It didn’t feel as satisfying as I thought it would. Instead, I felt like I lost another piece of myself.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” I said to Rafe, finally gathering the courage to open my eyes.
He shuffled beside me. “Him being here wasn’t going to change anything.”
We both knew that was a lie.
“It’s him, Rafe. It changes everything for me.”
Rafe scoffed and shook his head. “You’re really going to try and go back to that?”
“I’m not saying that-” I spluttered out, outraged as his voice continued to carry across the room.
“He didn’t want you.”
People around us began to whisper, their heads huddled together with their phones out. Wet hot tears threatened to fall as the control I took months to master began to unravel.
“Yeah, well you don’t either.”
“What the hell are you talking about? Before he got here, everything was perfect.”
“I’m not stupid. You think I didn’t notice what you were doing? That wasn’t for us, that was for him.”
“I didn't mean for you to think I was using you-“
I gripped his chin, and pulled his face down to my height, my eyes brimming with angry tears. “You don’t use me. I use you.” I shoved his face back, needing to collect my composure.
Everyone’s eyes were on us and I was desperate to save face. It was the only thing I had left.
“Get the fucking picture?”
“Crystal clear.” He responded through gritted teeth, his eyes hard.
“If you want a whore, go buy one.”
Rafe cleared his throat, his face iced over. “I thought that’s what I was already doing.”
I stood there for a moment, not understanding what I did to deserve to be treated like this by not one man but two. I felt like an idiot. Like the stupidest fucking person on this god forsaken planet.
Two hours ago, I thought that maybe Rafe had feelings for me and played with the idea of exploring that with him. And now, I was a gold digging whore.
I felt another piece of my heart break off, mourning the loss of the only friendship I really had.
Pressing my hair down with my hands, I look down to fix my dress, swallowing as I went, hoping to pull myself together and buy some time.
“I’m glad to hear how little you think of me.” I sent him a sad smile,” I guess I’m keeping up with everyone’s expectations.”
I stepped around him, heading to the direction of the bar, the adrenaline from all the excitement having effectively killed my buzz.
Staring at the bottles of liquor on the counter had me frowning, all being some bottom shelf brand I’ve never heard of. I moved around the bar to the cabinets behind it, looking for the good tequila. It was the least Rafe could do seeing as though he just blew up whatever the fuck we were doing.
Spotting the only tequila I drank, I grabbed the entire handle. Twisting the top off, I tossed it aside carelessly before taking a healthy swig. Then another. And another.
I stumbled into another room, shoving people out of my way. I ignored the angry shouts because I was way past the point of caring. I just-I just wanted to see him.
As if someone heard my thoughts, I spotted JJ leaning against a wall with a lit joint dangled between his fingers and a beer in the other.
He had so much charisma, it demanded the attention of the room. People gravitated towards him all the time but he refused to see himself that way.
Even now, he stood surrounded by several people, including a girl who was too close for my liking, and they were hanging onto every word. All of their bodies angled towards him, nodding along. The people around them curiously moving in to hear more of the story that had so many of them laughing.
It was almost ironic. It was the point I was trying to prove all those months ago. Kooks vs. Pouges was bullshit. Because, right now JJ is telling a story to a bunch of Kooks who were eating it right up. Neither parties cared about their status, they just wanted to socialize and have fun.
Why couldn’t he see that?
The organ in my chest began to flutter, the butterflies erupting in my stomach at his nearness. Panic began to set in. I thought I’d pushed it all down.
All it took was seeing him. Just once. For the last couple months of progress to be thrown out the window. I made sure to not feel anything anymore, because the alternative destroyed me. And yet, there he stood, looking like every dream I’ve ever had, and completely disarming my very being with one look.
I never wanted to feel that way again. My heart was open and my soul was bared, but I was naive. I thought love was supposed to be empowering. But really, it was poison. It slowly entered your bloodstream, coating every vein before slowly taking over every organ. It leaked into your brain and made you lose all common sense. The poison tricked you into thinking that certain treatment was okay because at least they were here. At least, they still wanted to be with you because they love you, right?
But eventually, like all things lacking an antidote, it began to cut off your oxygen. It curled around your lungs and squeezed until you gasped for breath with tears staining your face. It didn’t matter how much you screamed and shouted, nothing came out. The last organ it takes over is your heart. That silly little organ who was so trusting begins to pump faster, desperately trying to get that oxygen to your brain, because maybe then you’ll finally be able to think clearly. But in the end, it slows down. Each pump is slower than the last until finally it comes to a stop. The heart broke.
It’s the closest thing to dying I’ve ever experienced.
It was like drowning on dry land.
His words did not leave me dented, but destroyed.
I lost my sense of myself. I lost my identity. I put on a performance every time I left my house, wanting to see just how far I could get away with treating people the same way they treat me.
At first it didn’t feel good, but now I didn’t feel anything at all. Or so I thought until I saw him again. And I just want to see that he was doing okay and maybe, if I can admit it, to see if he still loved me, however little that may be.
I watched from my spot on the other side of the room as the crowd began to disperse, leaving JJ with some blonde. I vaguely recognized her from a shoot for one of my mom’s brands. I believe her parents worked in the fashion industry as well. Which would have been fine, had she not said something that had him give her one of those rare smiles, the ones he used to give me in private.
Nausea roiled in my stomach, maybe it was all the tequila or maybe it was seeing him smile at someone else when all I wanted was for him to smile at me.
She leaned into him, a coy smile played her lips, running her fingers down the shirt I bought him, which basically made it mine. And I hated when people touched my things.
The mix of tequila and coke emboldened me. I found my feet moving in their direction before I could stop myself.
“I wouldn't waste your time.” I could not get myself to stop talking.
“Why’s that?” The blonde’s eyes narrowed, her cheaply manicured hand resting on JJ’s bicep.
“JJ doesn’t go for kooks or so I’ve been told.”
“Maybe he just didn’t go for you.” Oh, how cute.
“Oh honey,” I sighed dramatically and took one step towards her, tilting my head to the side, dragging my eyes up her body, in obvious distaste. “Are you new here?”
“Well, yeah but-“ She tried to explain.
Clearly, she needed a run through on how the social ladder worked here. I was at the top and everyone else was at the bottom.
“Your mom works for some brand from Paris right?” I watched as her eyebrows pulled together in confusion.
“She does. We moved here because she’s doing a collab with-“
“With my mom.”
“So I suggest you take your hand off of him,” I smiled on cue, my tone dipped in sugar before batting my eyelashes at her innocently,” Unless you want her blacklisted?”
I could see her debating what to do. She didn’t know if I was bluffing but she'd learn rather quickly just how far I was willing to go.
“Hmm, cute shoes.” I hummed, “Chanel?”
She nodded, apprehension on her face.
“Won’t be able to buy those anymore if your mom doesn’t have a job.”
Her hand fell and satisfaction settled into my like molten lava. “You can go now.”
The blonde pursed her lips and stalked off, leaving me alone with JJ. “Trying a new type”
“And what type would that be?”
“Desperate.”
JJ tipped his mouth, saluting me before taking a sip of his drink. His eyes already glazed over from the joint in his hand.
“A thank you would be nice?” I muttered, taking another pull from my tequila. I couldn’t talk to him sober or I’d lose my nerve.
“A thank you?” He appeared almost amused, adjusting his red hat.
“Yeah, I just saved you.”
“I didn't realize I needed saving.”
“Self-preservation was never really your strong suit was it?”
JJ laughed, his eyes straying to the bottle cradled in my arms. “I could say the same thing, Princess.”
Fuck him for calling me that. So what, I’ve learned to indulge just a little. It made everything in my life a little more manageable.
“It’s called having fun, JJ.” Pouting as he snatched the bottle from arms just as I went to take another shot. “Since when did you become the responsible one?”
JJ leveled me with an unamused stare.
I huffed, blowing a stray strand of hair out of my face. “Tough crowd.”
JJ snorted, pushing the leaves of a nearby plant back before dumping the remaining tequila. My mouth dropped open as he wasted every last drop of my liquid courage.
How the hell was I going to talk to him now?
I pursed my lips, “That was mean.”
“I’m doing what your boyfriend should have done an hour ago.” His gaze fixed on my face, the intense stare causing my cheeks to turn red. God, would he stop staring at me?
“He doesn’t tell me what to do.”
“Then he shouldn’t have left you alone.” His tone laced with annoyance, “You have all these fuckers staring at you and you’re wasted.”
I tilted my head back to stare up at him, the annoyance I knew came from a place of panic. That was just how JJ was wired.
“So you’re in love with me?” Someone come arrest me, because I cannot keep my mouth closed.
JJ shook his head clearly fighting back a smile. “You’re so crazy.”
“What else could that mean?” I asked truthfully and I knew I had a love struck smile on my face. One that I’ve only given to one man in my life and he stood in front of me.
I just wanted to be near him. I wanted to hear his laugh and see him smile.
His face softened at my words. “Are you okay? Does he take care of you?”
“Of course, I’m okay. Why do you ask?”
“Only one of us is fucking loaded.”
I rolled my eyes and plucked the joint from his fingers. “Correct me if I’m wrong, and we both know I rarely am, are you not high too?”
“Not from cocaine.”
“Already back to judging so soon?” I mused, taking a hit off the joint, the familiar stinging sensation wrapped around my lungs and squeezed. “Careful, I might think you care.”
Kill me now. Thank god, he took away the tequila.
“Who said I ever stopped?” My heart lurched in my throat.
I blew the smoke out slowly, my fogged up brain rushing to keep up with his words.
Someone stumbled in front of me, slamming into my shoulder sending me flying forward into JJ’s arms. Something cold and wet splattered onto me, the bitter liquid dripping down my legs.
“Are you blind?” I shouted, shoving another drunk party goer off me. Looked like a tourist.
She held her hands up in apology.
“I’m so sorry. Here, let me help.” To my absolute horror, this fucking tourist used a napkin and went to scrub the stain. Are these people animals? This was custom versace.
“Stop!” My cheeks flushed, from the weed or from my constant streak of bad luck. “Clearly, you’ve never owned anything worth keeping but this is Versace, you dick.”
I needed to go home before I burned this entire house down.
“Is that how you talk to people now?”
I let out a loud groan. “Oh fuck off, JJ.”
I shoved him away from me, before grabbing the skirt of my dress and heading into the nearest bathroom, which just so happened to be Rafe’s.
In reality, I just needed to get away from him. I needed my hands to be busy so that I couldn't grab his face and kiss him. Because I really wanted to do that.
The sound of footsteps have my eyes widening in panic as I take in my ruined dress. All because of that blonde asshole next to me, if he hadn’t showed up, I’d still have my tequila and my sanity.
“I wanted to talk.”
I made a noise at the back of my throat. That didn’t sound like JJ at all.
“Fine, whatever. Close the door.” I didn’t need a million other people to see me lose my shit. I was already at my quota for the day.
Jj stared at me with a confused look. “Close the door.” I nearly shout as the footsteps get closer but he moves just as quickly and slammed it shut, putting the lock in place.
“I just got this piece too.” I grumbled, huffing at the stained skirt. It was the Medusa 95’ Cut Out Mini dress in a stunning pastel pink. And now ruined with a beer stain from that horrible girl outside.
“I remember this one.” JJ spoke from behind me. Of course he did. He remembered everything I bought.
He always demanded fashion shows after all my shopping trips. He knew nothing about clothes but he always paid attention to me. He used to sit for hours while I prattled on and on about clothes.
“Unzip me?”
“I’m sorry?” He choked out, setting his beer down.
“I need to clean it before it stains. Unzip me.”
In hindsight, I was goading him. I wanted to see what he would do. I could tell he was already on edge since seeing me with Rafe. I wondered what a little push would do.
Neither of us moved for a beat. JJ puffed out a breath from his cheeks before he walked toward me slowly. I remained stock still, watching his every move in the mirror. “It’s not like you haven’t seen it all before.”
My heart fluttered at his nearness. Something I wanted since the minute he turned around and left. Home, I wanted my home back.
I jumped up at the feel of his warm breath against the back of my neck, goosebumps rising instantly. The tug of the zipper had me swallowing the lump in my throat. His other finger caressing every inch of skin, the zipper surrendered.
The sound of the zipper stopped but he never dropped his hand. Instead, I watched as JJ swallowed before lifting his head, those storming blue eyes connecting with mine in the mirror.
I stood on my Magda Butrym Appliquéd satin sandals and a flimsy pair of tiny panties.
“I feel like this is a test.” I watched his Adam's apple bob as he swallowed.
“Is it?” I mused, tucking a loose strand of hair behind my ear.
“Yeah and I’m failing.”
The pads of his thumb brushed along my bottom lip, dragging it down slowly. My lips parted as a soft whimper escaped.
“You’re still so beautiful, it hurts.” He murmured, almost angry with the revelation.
Blistering hot satisfaction dripped over me.
JJ’s other hand grazed my bare back, the contact immediately chasing my back to arch. Sparks of sensitivity erupted from my skin as my body trembled with hot desire.
His hand moved higher, gripping onto my hair before wrapping the long strands around his hand, tugging my head back, demanding my attention.
He stared at me with heavy lids, eyes like ocean blue blades. My body began to heat up.
JJ’s eyes dropped back to my lips causing me to the lick them quickly. He backed me up against the Jack and Jill sink, my back resting against the cool granite counter.
I blinked slowly, making the decision for him, angling my head up and smashing my lips to his.
A groan ripped from his chest as he met my kiss with the same crippling desperation. His rough hands dropped from my face to my hips, his nails digging crescent shaped marks in the skin.
My legs began to slightly shake as his tongue finally brushed against mine. Oxygen was something neither of us needed as we fed off each other's energy.
His tongue licked and twirled around my own, another moan vibrating between us. JJ’s large hand trailed up skin, goosebumps appearing in its wake, before locking around my throat.
His grip was strong, not enough to cut off my oxygen but enough to garner my attention. He pulled me up to my tippy toes by my neck, my nipples brushing against the rough fabric of his shirt making me gasp at the contact. His mouth clashed with mine once more, his lips wrapped around my tongue, sucking gently before pulling back and biting out a curse.
My hands were desperate as they began to unbutton his shirt quickly, pushing the fabric off his shoulders. JJ whipped off the shirt just as my hands began reaching for his shorts, my fingers fumbling with the button.
The laugh he let out was devastating. His smile was purely lethal for my heart. “We got all the time in the world, princess.”
My stomach clenched at the nickname he gave me all those years ago. But, we didn’t. We both knew this moment would end the minute we came to our senses.
JJ unbuttoned his pants and dropped them in one smooth movement before pressing his warm body against mine once more.
“Up, baby.” My arms wrapped around his neck immediately, my nose grazing his. JJ gripped my thighs tight as he placed me on top of the counter.
He rested the palm of his hands on either side of me, enclosing my frame, daring me to move. JJ leaned down, his lips leaving phantom kisses along my collarbone, nipping as he went along. He stopped at the swell of my breasts, both hands encasing my heavy aching breasts before pressing them together.
He pressed scorching hot, open-mouthed kisses on every inch of exposed skin. His tongue pressing against my swollen nipples before closing around one and giving a strong suck. I was a mess beneath him, my chest heaving with heavy pants.
He nipped and tugged at the soft flesh of my breasts, leaving small purple love bites scattered on my chest. He pressed a kiss on each one, a pleased hum echoing within the bathroom.
JJ dropped to his knees slowly, each hand running down my bare legs. I wanted to see him.
I leaned back on the palm of my hands and arched my back in a teasing invitation. Pulling my legs from his grasp, I propped my feet up on the counter, but kept my knees bent, the tops touching.
The utter obsession that painted his face had me biting down on my lip hard enough to draw blood. “Please, Jayj.”
He stood stock still, similar to a statue. It looked like he almost stopped breathing as I slowly pushed my knees apart. I was drenched, I could feel myself soaking the skimpy fabric of my thong, my thighs glistening with the evidence of my arousal.
JJ’s eyes went black, locking in on my wet pussy before jumping back up to me. His hands found my thighs and roughly dug into the skin to keep my legs from closing.
He leaned forward, his index finger hooking the front of my thong before curling the fabric and tugging it up roughly between my lips. “Fuck.” I mewled, watching as he pressed his face between my legs and inhaled deeply.
I could feel my clit throbbing, needing to be touched. With one more tug, JJ slaps the side of my thigh, having me lift my hips up to take the last piece of fabric off my body. An insatiable grin formed on his face that went straight to my clit.
The first touch onto my lips had my hips shooting off the counter, his touch like electricity. He blew a breath against the aching skin, his hot mouth watering at the sight of me. Two fingers pushed apart my drenched folds, rubbing against the sensitive skin again and again, turning me into a mindless puddle.
He smirked at my trembling legs. “You okay, baby?”
“Fuck off.” I responded through gritted teeth, trying to gather myself.
He dipped forward, gathering saliva before slowly spitting it out, the stream of spit pattering against my spread lips. The sound was obscene.
“That’s not very nice.”
Tears of frustration began to build up as I discarded my hands into those loose blonde strands, knocking his hat off. “You love it.”
The grin he sent me was feral and I knew this was exactly what I needed. “I sure do, princess.”
He enclosed his mouth against my swollen clit and sucked roughly, a loud shout erupting from the depths of my chest. JJ parted my lips again, forcing his tongue inside and out, again and again, devouring every inch of my pussy.
My cunt clenched against his tongue making him moan loudly. My body was burning as he swirled his tongue along the bundle of nerves once more. Another cry left me as I tried to find something to grab onto. His tongue lapped up all the fluids that continued to come out and I found myself forgetting how to breathe.
I pushed his face deeper, grinding against his nose that continuously rubbed against my clit, my fingers tugging at his hair, needing a release. The knot in my lower stomach began to tighten as I whispered his name again and again like a prayer. The sound of my breathy pleas spur him on as he slipped two fingers in my pussy, meeting no resistance.
The squelching noises had me throwing my head back against the mirror which had begun to fog up. I clenched around his large fingers that rubbed against my sensitive walls wanting him to lose control.
JJ curled his fingers upward causing my knees to buckle and my mind go blank. I was close and he knew based on the tremors the shook my legs. I could barely hold myself up as everything went fuzzy.
A choked moan escaped my lips that curled into a ‘o’ as his mouth sucked that rigid spot of flesh while his fingers continued to hammer into me. The invisible band snapped and as a wave of pleasure washed over me. My body finally began to relax as I tried to catch my breath, my chest rising and falling dramatically.
I spared a glance at him. JJ’s eyes were low, eyes pitch black and glued to my face, and his cheeks flushed red. He looked pussy drunk.
“Looks like I have to clean you up.” He mumbled against the flesh of my thighs. My eyes rolled to the back of my head as his hot tongue began to catch all the arousal that dripped down my thighs. I was sensitive and tried to move back, but his hands locked around my thighs to keep them open. Shives forced their way up my spine as he lapped all my fluids up, humming as he went along, not leaving one bit of skin untouched. JJ pressed one last kiss before pulling back and licking his lips.
My heart hammered through my chest and vaguely though my haze of pleasure did I hear a murmur.
“Huh?” I felt him smile against my thigh, clearly finding my delirious state funny.
“Barry, man, have you seen her?” Rafe’s voice drifted under the door.
I froze at the sound of his voice, my eyes darting to JJ who just smirked from his spot between my legs.
“She’s right here, man.” JJ whispered, straightening up to press a kiss on the crown of my head. I shook my head at him, my eyes wide with a silent plea, but JJ disregarded it.
“She’s a little busy at the moment.”
I shook my head, pressing my palm against his mouth, his next words coming out muffled. He never knew when to shut up. The last thing I needed was Rafe finding us in his bathroom.
I kept my hand on JJ’s mouth until footsteps faded and we were alone once again.
JJ nipped at the palm of my hands, his tongue slipping out. My face screwed up as I let out a squeal, “Ew, Jayj.”
“Shouldn’t have tried to shut me up to protect your boyfriend’s feelings.” He said the words lightly, but I could hear the slight edge in his tone.
Pushing him off my softly, I hopped off the counter with shaky legs. “Since when do you care about Rafe’s feelings?”
I winced as I tried to take a step, my knees nearly knocking together from the aftershock. JJ always left me a shaking disheveled mess afterwards, but I felt lighter, because he was looking at me the way he used to.
And, I wanted that to last just a bit longer.
“I don’t care about his feelings-“ He scoffed, before pausing at the teasing smile on my lips. “You’re fucking with me.”
“Too easy.” I let out a shriek of laughter as JJ's arms wrapped around my waist, lifting me up in the air.
That was how I found myself sweaty, pressed against Rafe’s sheets, struggling to breathe. The violent sound of skin slapping echoing in the room, my raspy moans intertwining with his hot pants.
One of JJ’s hands gripped the back of my head, pinning me to the mattress, the other pushing down on my back, forming a deep arch, to pull his cock in deeper.
I couldn’t register anything he was muttering as he bottomed out since of me, my mind go blank. My walls spasmed against him with each rut of his hip, sucking him back in every time he pulled back.
I was soaked, my pussy dripping around him. The sopping wet noises spurring him on, his pace quickening with those deep purposeful strokes.
I couldn’t focus on anything but him. The smell; the feel of him. The way his cock continued to brush against my cervix made me borderline delicious.
“Fuck,” JJ shuddered, rolling his hips in and out of my pussy had me clamping around him once more, a tidal wave beginning to build up inside me.
I whimper left me, the coil in my stomach pulling tight as I searched for a release. The tip of his cock pressed into me repeatedly, forcing my legs to shake once more.
My hands searched for something to hold onto as I tried to anchor myself from being drowned in pleasure. “J. J, I-I cant-I’m gonna-“
I felt his pace begin to pick him, his cock twitching inside me as he continued his movements, grinding his hips against the globes of my ass, until there was no space between us.
It was like he was imprinting himself into my skin. Like he didn’t want me to forget him.
As if I could ever forget JJ Maybank.
My whines got louder, his words becoming more and more depraved. His large calloused hands ran all over my body like he was etching it to memory.
Quick and quiet gasps bled from my parted lips, as he hammered into me from behind, his hands lacing with mine against the sheets.
The coil in my stomach snapped, white flash blinding my vision, this orgasim more intense than the first. I could feel myself coating his hips and upper thighs, fluids dripping on the sheets.
I could hear JJ’s voice whine, he began to babble nonsense under his breath, with each languid thrust.
My heartbeat was in my ears as I pushed my hips back to match his thrusts, wanting him to finish despite all my sensitivity coming to head. His nails dug my hips, my cunt suffocating as he continued to grunt his cock into me.
“Fuck, Kiara.” His grunt echoed in the room.
Kiara?
I went numb. I couldn’t breathe-I couldn’t, I needed-
Bile coated my throat as whatever childish hope I had shriveled up in my chest. So I laid there, not knowing what to do, as JJ continued to pump in and out of me, but the soft intimacy we shared before dissipated.
Why did no one ever pick me? Why didn’t anyone want me?
I let my body go limp even though everything in me wanted to shove him off, but I just couldn’t get myself to move.
That was all it took for JJ to realize the slip of his tongue. JJ froze behind me as I shoved my face into my arms and choked on a gut wrenching sob.
“Fuck, I-hold on,” JJ’s panick was audible as he slowly pulled out of me. I cupped my mouth to try and muffle the scream I wanted to let out.
His blue eyes widened in horror at his mistake but it was too late. The words were already burned into my mind, replaying on a torturous loop.
JJ’s hand reached out for me, but I shrank back, scrambling to the headboard, desperate to put distance between us.
I curled into myself, pressing my back hard against the headboard, willing for myself to disappear.
“What did you just call me?” My chin wobbled. I tried to remind myself to breathe but with each inhale, my lungs were saturated with pain.
“I-That was an accident.” He stuttered, raking his hands through his hair roughly.
“Get out.”
“It just slipped out, I didn’t mean it.”
“Get the hell out, JJ.” I yelled, and pointed at the door with a shaky finger.
Like I said, his words never dented me, no they completely destroyed me. They cut me like a freshly honed razor blade.
And I was going to die of blood loss if I didn’t get him to leave this room. He had no problem leaving me then, why was he fighting it now?
Was he thinking about her the whole time he was inside me?
Thought after thought haunted me. Was he comparing our bodies? Was he comparing the sex?
Mortification had my stomach churning as I debated what to do next. My body was wound tight, on the verge of hyperventilating.
Did he love her? Did he love her like he used to love me? Did he fuck her the way he fucked me?
I hated him. Before him, none of these thoughts would have crossed my mind. I may have been alone but at least I liked who I was. I never would have questioned myself the way I am now. But after him, the only thing I hated more than him was myself.
“Was Kiara not available,” I murmured, “so you came to the one person you knew would say yes?”
JJ didn’t find my joke funny. The air was tense, as if we were trapped in a steamed up bathroom, making each breath harder than the last.
“Kie and I aren’t together.”
“JJ, you know where the door is. Use it.”
“I don’t want to leave.” He shook his head, his eyes flickering with something heavy.
“You had no problem doing it before.”
“That was-“ JJ squeezed his eyes shut, his fists clenching and unclenching at his sides. “I shouldn’t have done that.”
He shuffled closer to my body, but still wasn't touching me. I nibbled on my bottom lip and wiped the remaining tears from my cheeks hastily.
“I’m sorry.” He said, clearing his throat. “I am so so sorry.”
I lost my grip completely as those eyes perverted mine. His eyes were so blue, it was easy to get lost in them.
Words couldn’t find their way out of my mouth. With wary eyes, I watched as he stood up and disappeared in the bathroom before appearing again with his shirt.
JJ reached for me before pausing, his eyes asking a silent question. I nodded, forcing myself to loosen the grip I had on the sheets.
I let him put the shirt on me, its protection better than the flimsy sheet. JJ dropped his head on my chest, his tan arms wrapped around my waist, curling himself into me.
“I’m sorry.”
I was sorry too. I waited for months for him to be back in my arms, but he ruined every independent thought I had. I couldn’t stop the overthinking. I couldn’t stop the pain.
I was hurting too, but I was the one comforting him. I was always the one comforting him. What about me?
I laid on the soft sheets and stared up at the ceiling. Our heavy breathing echoing in an otherwise silent room. His heavy arm tossed over naked torso, his fingers softly tracing the curve. The whisper of his breath caressing the nape of my neck where his face was buried. The familiar tickle of his golden strands brushing against my nose, his coconut shampoo wafting my senses.
The JJ induced haze began to clear up and the ugliness began to set in.
A single tear escaped my eye, its trailing burning it’s way down the side of my face. I loved him. Even after he willingly abandoned me. After he humiliated me in front of everyone. After he called me her name.
I couldn’t cut him out. It didn’t matter what he did to me, the minute we’re within the same vicinity, my self preservation disappeared. Then I was left, treading water in the middle of a storm, with nothing but a life jacket.
I had no one to blame but myself in this situation. I knew how he spoke to me, how easily he left me, how embarrassed he was of me. But he just smiled and it was like everything melted away.
I so badly wanted to feel again, but not like this.
So all I can do is lay here. In this bed. With a boy who made me hate the kind person that I was.
I made my bed. I didn’t realize this was how I’d feel when I lied in it. I turned into someone I hated. And suddenly I was bone-tired, exhaustion suffocating my lungs. I had no idea who I was and I was tired of being someone I wasn’t.
“Where are my clothes?” I said. God, I needed to leave this room before Rafe found me.
“I wasn’t really focused on that part, babe.” JJ mumbled, burrowing himself deeper into my side.
My stomach lurched. I thought I’d feel different. I thought that maybe this would fix everything. That in some deluded way, we would get back together and everything else didn’t matter. Like he didn’t leave me standing at the party after stomping on my chest.
“I need them.” I mumbled. I choked down the need to throw up. The feel of our sweat coating my body and his soft breaths against my skin had me almost hyperventilating.
Home, he used to be home. But, I’ve never felt like more of a stranger than in his arms right now. This was no longer my home.
Kook pussy. Daddy issues.
I fucked up. Fuck, I fucked up.
This only made me feel worse. I was good enough to fuck, but not enough to stay.
“What are you in such a hurry for?” His fingers paused their persistent movement.
“I have to get back-“
“To who?” JJ snapped.
I moved to sit up, dragging the sheet with me as I avoided his gaze. “You know who.”
He didn’t need to know that Rafe and I basically ended. I just wanted him to hurt in the same way I did.
He let out a scoff. “You can’t be serious?”
“Dead serious.”
“This isn’t like you-“
“You left. You don’t know who I am anymore.”
“Clearly,” he chuckled under his breath, “But suddenly Rafe does?”
I shrugged. “He’s my friend.”
“I don’t give a fuck who he is-“
I tuned him out. I was too busy trying to get his actual voice out of my head.
Kiara. Not me. Kiara. Not me.
It had taken every bit of strength to not chase after him that day. To not call and text, begging for him to give me the time of day. And I know, I know I should be stronger. I know I should have said good riddance and moved on, but love was never simple.
When I saw him tonight, I thought that maybe it was fate. So all the waiting, all the practice of self control paid off because he came back. But, was this what was waiting for me?
“You slept with me,” I said, “ but you’re thinking about her?”
I didn’t want to know the answer, but I had to ask it. It was just one of a million questions I had since the day he walked away. Was there something I could have done differently?
I was wracking my brain to see where I had gone wrong, but maybe I just fell in love with the wrong person.
“From what I hear, you don’t care about anything these days. Why would you care about this?” I couldn’t detect any emotion in his words, just cold hard facts.
I really was out here exceeding everyone’s expectations of me.
But, he had to know that when it came to him, I always cared too much. That’s why his words caused another jagged piece of my heart to puncture my chest.
“Why would I care?” I whispered, shaking my head at him. “Are you listening to yourself?”
Had I deluded myself so much into thinking we experienced the same love in our relationship? How could he even question that. Everything I did was always for him.
“I care about you, that never changed.”
Something pained flickered through his gaze. “Care about me? Yet your fucking Rafe Cameron.”
“You’re mad about that?” I choked on a humorless laugh,”Let me jog your memory real quick since apparently you’ve got amnesia, you were the one that told me to be with him.”
“Well, I didn’t think you’d actually do that to me.”
I threw my arms up in the air, exasperated,”Then why say it at all? Wait, I forgot who I’m talking to. You’re the king of saying shit you don’t mean.”
“Saying shit and actually doing it are two different things.”
“Well, you did do it Jayj.” My lungs hitched.
His jaw tightened, tension seeping out of him in waves.
“You left. You did the one thing you promised you’d never do. You didn’t even look back as you did it.” I shouted, tears blurring my vision as my body continued to shake from adrenaline. “All because what? Rafe hurt your feelings? Because I have more money than you?”
I wanted to understand him. I thought I did once, but the more I thought about our breakup the more I saw it had nothing to do with me. And everything to do with him.
“Do me a favor and grow up. This is the real world. You’d swap places with any one of us in a second if you could.”
JJ narrowed his eyes. “I don’t want any part of your world. I thought I made that clear.”
“I’m aware. But I was there, remember? For every bonfire, for every boat ride with you and your friends. What was it you guys said again?” It rushed out of me, “to going full kook?”
He watched me stoically, his fingers tugging at his bracelets.
“I guess you’re the only one that can have the money in the relationship?” I raised my eyebrow at him, waiting for him to respond.
The beautiful blonde boy that seeped into my bloodstream and made me love him. But, ruined us in the process. He destroyed everything he touched.
He pressed the heel of his palms against his eyes,
“What happened?”
“You want to know what happened? You fucking happened.”
That familiar anger flared in his eyes and I knew exactly what he was going to do. What he always did to me, but this time, I wasn’t going to let him erase me. Not again.
“Let’s talk about who you turned into?” JJ spat vehemently. “What? Rafe buys you a nice purse and you’re suddenly snorting lines of coke?”
“It was actually a couple purses.”
JJ shot daggers at me. “So what? You’re proud of that?” No, I only wanted someone to care about me if I died.
“I’m only doing what you told me, I’m sorry you don’t like the person you turned me into.”
I didn’t like her much either. But, JJ never gave me more and I realized he would never give me more, no matter how much I pushed. No matter how hard I tried to get him to see that I was the one he should be with.
It pained me that it took all of this for me to realize that there were parts of JJ he would never let anyone have.
“Why are you still here?” I said quietly. “I’m not going to let you sit here and make me feel like shit for how I chose to cope with what you broke.”
I was done giving the men in my life power over me. I needed to stand on my own two feet even if that meant I had to do it alone.
“Feel like shit?” JJ nodded his head with mock outrage,” Princess, you just let me fuck you in your boyfriend’s bed. I think you feel like shit already.”
He was right, but I still recoiled back at the venom he spat at me. I sagged with exhaustion. He was just lashing out the way he always did.
“I didn’t know, JJ.” My voice cracked. “I-I didn’t know. I just did what I thought I was supposed to do.”
JJ’s head snapped up at the waver in my voice. His ocean eyes showed a clear battle, one I knew he’d lose. “S-Sometimes it just felt like I wasn’t good enough.”
His confession broke me. I knew the thoughts that ravaged his brain only because those same thoughts now drown in mine.
My fingers twisted the hem of the shirt that my body was swimming in, a nervous tic I never got rid of. “But I never said that to you, you listened to everyone but me. You were more than enough.”
A tortured look passed his face, like the obvious miscommunication had disrupted everything. “I thought I was being paraded around to prove a point.”
I roughly wiped the tears that kept falling, “It’s okay to not want to struggle for everything in your life, JJ. You were exhausted and I just wanted to help you.”
“I didn’t know. I-just didn’t know.” I continued to repeat. And I didn't. I had no experience with love. I wanted him to have the world since he was born with less than most people I knew, yet he deserved so much more.
“You let your friends help you, I don’t understand how I was any different.”
His blonde hair was sticking up in multiple directions, a clear sign of his obvious distress. "Because they’re my family."
Irremediable sorrow burrowed in my chest. "But, I was your family too."
I felt layers of grief his me in waves, quick and hard, one after the other as I came to terms with the fact that JJ never considered me any part of his family.
"You were the only family I ever had. I thought I was your family.” I sniffled, my ribs began to ache from the constant crying.
A loud crack had me jump back as Rafe bursted into the room, chest heaving from exertion. He paused, his eyes locking in on the messed up sheets before dragging over to me and scanning my disheveled appearance.
I thought we hit a milestone. JJ finally started talking and letting me know exactly what was going on in that brain of his. And maybe, that would be enough for me, for now. This all happened because JJ didn’t know how to communicate and I knew that wasn’t his fault, but at one point he needed to grow up.
I was willing to hold his hand while he did it. But I watched as JJ’s eyes clocked the necklace Rafe wore with my initials. His gaze narrowed at the purse in his hand and my car keys in the other.
The jealousy was evident in the way he rolled his shoulders back, his face granite. “Cute necklace.”
Rafe smirked, tilting his head to the side. “Thanks. It looks even better swinging in her face.”
JJ’s cool demeanor dropped, his blue eyes darkened into a brewing storm. “Enjoy my seconds, bro.” He clapped Rafe on the chest.
My heart popped in my chest at his words, another bandage would do little to fix the shards that once resembled a heart. And, I knew then, that JJ confirmed the conclusion I just came to myself.
“JJ?”
“What?”
“You were right. I do deserve better than you.”
Loving him cost me something much greater: myself.
I couldn’t continue to hide myself in any man that told me pretty words. I was no longer my own person, just a mere extension of them. One that they treated poorly and only took out when they were bored. I was always willing to do what they would never do for me.
I was just a girl, in love with an extraordinary boy who couldn’t see past all the things he was not.
I walked over to where Rafe was, forcing myself to remember his cruel words also. It was the only way I could get myself to walk out of here. My eyes lingered on the necklace for a second before I pulled my keys from his grasp and grabbed my purse.
I wore nothing but JJ’s shirt, but at the moment I couldn’t care less. I left my clothes in Rafe’s bathroom, deciding it was better to leave them then spend another second in either of their soul sucking presence. I could always buy another dress.
I couldn’t buy another me. Not if I kept letting these boys break me.
This time, I was the one that never looked back.
Side note: I WROTE THIS THREE TIMES so pls pls pls be nice to me. I tried to incorporate a lot of people's ideas. I know the OC is very wishy washy but she's so real for that.
TAG LIST: @maybankslover @theficshop @cantbecreative @plk-18
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#outer banks#outerbanks imagine#obx#obx smut#outer banks fanfiction#outer banks smut#jj maybank imagines#jj maybank x reader#jj maybank#jjmaybank#jj maybank imagine#jj maybank smut#jj maybank angst#outer banks x reader#outer banks imagine#rafe cameron imagines#rafe cameron smut#rafe cameron angst#rudy pankow angst#rudy pankow smut#rudy pankow#obx jj#obx fanfiction#outerbanks angst#drew starky angst
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Life as a family with JJ maybank
Warnings:None!
#jj maybank fluff#jj mayback x reader#jj maybank smut#jjmaybank#jj maybank imagines#jj maybank x reader#jj x reader#jj#jj maybank#jjk#jj obx#jj outer banks#jj obx imagine#jj obx fic#john b routledge#john b x reader#kiara carrera#outer banks pogues#pope heyward#sarah cameron#obx fic#my fic#writers on tumblr#obx fanfiction#outer banks imagine#outer banks#maybank#tumblr milestone#artists on tumblr#fluff
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DID I MAKE YOU SCREAM?
-ˏ͛⑅ ‧̥̥͙‧̥̥ ̥ ̮ ̥ ⊹ ‧̫‧ ⊹ ̥ ̮ ̥ ‧̥̥‧̥̥͙ ⑅ˏ͛--ˏ͛⑅ ‧̥̥͙‧̥̥ ̥ ̮ ̥ ⊹ ‧̫‧ ⊹ ̥ ̮ ̥ ‧̥̥‧̥̥͙ ⑅ˏ͛-ˏ͛⑅ ‧̥̥͙‧̥̥ ̥ ̮ ̥ ⊹ ‧̫‧ ⊹ ̥ ̮ ̥ -
SUMMARY - How is Rafe Cameron, your sweet, loving, boyfriend, who seems to have done no wrong, the most wanted serial killer in the world?
WARNING - slight smut, fluff, arguing, Dark!Rafe, f!m
A/N - my first Tumblr post.
ₓ˚. ୭ ˚○◦˚.˚◦○˚ ୧ .˚ₓₓ˚. ୭ ˚○◦˚.˚◦○˚ ୧ .˚ₓₓ˚. ୭ ˚○◦˚.˚◦○˚ ୧ .˚ₓₓ˚. ୭ ˚○◦˚.˚◦○˚ ୧ .˚ₓₓ˚. ୭ ˚○◦˚
ACT I
A SCREAM echoed through the house.
Y/n sat on the leathered couch as she gripped her boyfriend's arm yet again, "it wasn't even that scary." Rafe sneered, laughing at his trembling girlfriend, "Yes it was!" she shouted, punching Rafe's arm harshly, "Can you change it now?" Y/n questions, but he refused, "I did not pay 30 dollars to watch Nun 2 just for you to tell me to change it." he argued, Y/n pouted, trying to find his lack of sympathy, "Are you trying to kill me?" Rafe frowns, "I would never." he responds, relaxing his body.
Rafe pushed a piece of hair out of Y/n's face as he gracefully rubbed the index of her warm cheek, "you'll be the death of me Y/n L/n." he stated, watching as her face turned a bright shade of red. His eyes softened as she gripped his arm, pushing his arm down so she could get a better chance at connecting their lips.
"Mmm." he hummed through the kiss, although when she pulled back, all she could find was a blushed-out Rafe Cameron. "How about, we don't watch the movie and.." she started, trailing her finger down his stomach, "Maybe go upstairs to your room?" Rafe sneered, rolling his eyes vastly "Nice try Y/n, were not missing the movie." Rafe motioned himself to kiss her again but she turned her head away.
He chuckled it off, but it kinda hurt inside. Rafe placed his hand on her back, pulling her big shirt all the way up to her shoulders just so he could cress her skin with his fingernails softly. Y/n stuck her head inside Rafe's chest, unable to watch the next jump scare that would happen.
Rafe trailed his hand all the way up her spine, then back down and onto her curves, "Ow!" Y/n shouted, pushing her face out of Rafe's chest in a swift move. "What?" he asked, unsure whether he did something wrong or not. "Watch the hands, Mister, you hurt me," she told, showing Rafe a huge scar that was on her side.
He gave her a confused stare, "Where did you get this from?" he questioned, touching it so gently, trying hard not to harm her. "Remember when I was at the haunted house? well, I kind of ran into..." That's when it hit him. Rafe knew exactly what she was talking about.
Ghostface crept out the corner, grabbing his next victim, the room was dark, and he knew that Y/n was safe at home, or at least that's what he thought. He gripped Y/n so tightly that she could barely breathe. She tried to scream, be he had already shoved the tip of the knife so far up her hip.
Rafe knew that he'd regretted that decision for the rest of his life. Not long after He got a call from the hospital, saying that his girlfriend got into an 'accident' he told her not to go, knowing this would have happened. If only she had listened.
"I'm so sorry Y/n," Rafe spoke, apologizing. "why? you didn't do this to me," Y/n declared, kissing his cheek, then pushing herself off of him and walking her way to the kitchen. "Yeah... I know, but I'm your boyfriend, I should've been there to protect you ya know?"
"You did protect me, you told me not to go, and you made It very stated as if you knew that psycho killer would've been there." Y/n giggled, pouring herself some glass of water that came from the fridge. "You my own little psychic," Rafe scrunched his face, "Yeah, and from now on, you gonna listen to me when I tell you not to go anywhere, like Toppers party, for example,"
Y/n vastly lifted her head, her eyes wide open, "But it's a Halloween party, Rafe, I bought a costume just for it." She groaned, irritated and upset, "Y/n, you not going," Rafe's voice engaged, turning loud, "You're not my dad Rafe Cameron, and plus, Ghostface hasn't been seen since last year," Rafe rolled his eyes, he already knew that trust me, however, its more of the guys, he doesn't want anybody looking at Y/n especially Kelce, he had a thing for Y/n before Rafe and she even started going out.
"No means no."
"This is such Bullshit."
Rafe made his way to his girlfriend, kissing her forehead, "Wouldn't you rather spend your night soaking in a bubble bath?" He questioned, holding his girlfriend's cheek with the index of his palm. "No," Y/n stated, pushing his hand off her cheek, and making her way to the couch, "Cmmon babe, you know I hate when you're mad at me." she only rolled her eyes in response.
"Please, I promise I'll make it up to you." Rafe gripped her shoulders, rubbing them as he leaned in to kiss her soft neck, Y/n let out a soft whimper, biting her lip as she leaned her head back, creating more room for his lips. "Please?" he asked again, finding her soft spot, Y/n could feel her legs going numb, and her heart racing out of her chest.
"Pretty please." Rafe then made his way to the front kissing her chest lightly, "fine," Y/n said, smiling at him as their eyes met, Rafe smirked evilly, grabbing her from the bottom of her thighs and picking her up from the floor. Y/n made a little squalling sound as he pushed her up against the cold wall.
Y/n pulled Rafe by the neck into a kiss, as their lips collided they moved in sync, he kissed her so roughly it was as if she was the last thing he'd ever eat, Y/n started tugging at his greasy curtain bang hair as she moaned into his mouth.
Rafe pressed up Y/n rinding on her as she was helpless against the wall, her legs still in the air, Y/n gasped at the feeling, Rafe's boner was pushing against her core harshly.
"Room." Y/n managed to get out, the overstimulation was bearable but still harsh, Rafe nodded, taking her back off the wall and walking up the stairs, slamming the door behind him.
˚ · • . ° .˚ · • . ° .˚ · • . ° .˚ · • . ° .˚ · • . ° .˚ · • . ° .˚ · • . ° .˚ · • . ° .˚ · • . ° .˚ · • . °
ACT II
...
Y/n was obviously not gonna listen to Rafe, especially after they had sex, I mean common now, does he think she's naive, or easily tricked. Y/n stood in the mirror, looking at herself.
She had a stupid sexy prison guard costume, Rafe was supposed to be her prisoner, but I guess he didn't care to show up with her, he still didn't know that she was even there in the first place.
"Hey!" Sarah Hollard from the other side of the room, making her way toward y/n, "Hey," she replied, "Where's Rafe?" Sarah then asked, confused, "he... couldn't make it," Sarah could taste the tension, she saw that Y/n wasn't happy, and normally she would just leave it because she knew her brother would be there to save the day, but it felt different, it wasn't the same.
Y/n carried her red cup in her hand, Sarah's face lightened, and the song Gasolina started playing on the speakers, basically blasting through the whole house, a grin came upon the two girls' faces, considering the fact that the song was there.
"Common, let's get you out of this corner and have some fun." Sarah tugged on the girl's costume, pulling her to the dance floor, Y/n gave Sarah a waring look, putting her cup on the table as the Cameron girl basically dragged her to the middle of the room.
As they reached the middle, Y/n was surrounded by unknown people, somewhere making out on the couch others were just taking shots from clear glass cups. Bottles of fireball and vodka filled the kitchen tables while beer cans filled the floor.
Y/n danced with Sarah to the music, swaying her hips back and forth in a swift motion as she ran her fingers through her hair, "I missed you." Sarah said yelled over the music, trying to make sure her voice was loud enough for her to hear.
"I miss you too," Y/n shouted back, giggling. The blue and purple light flickered veraciously as the two danced with one another, everything felt in slow motion, she healed onto Sarah, laughing historically.
"What happened with you and Rafe?"
"He couldn't make it," Y/n answered.
Sarah stopped her moving, completely going still, "that's weird." Sarah started, biting the bottom of her lip as she made her way to her red cup, chugging it down in one sip.
"What?" Y/n questioned, raising an eyebrow, Sarah looked hesitant, she looked at Y/n and just shook her head, "Sarah what is it." Y/n asked again, this time her voice was louder, she knew something was up, and it wasn't good news, "I'm probably seeing shit but, I swear I saw Rafe hanging out with Topper by the pool." Y/n shook her head, laughing at the fact.
Rafe couldn't be here, he told Y/n he was gonna stop by her house after the gym. Except, Rafe doesn't work out at the gym, he works out at Topper's house. Rafe wouldn't lie to Y/n, would he?
Y/n shrugged it off, remembering that she had already checked her GPS, he was at home, "Rafe's at your guy's house, I already checked." Sarah raised an eyebrow, confused as always, Sarah decided to try and change the subject, just in case she was wrong.
"uh fuck him, he couldn't even show up for his girlfriend, then he's a piece of shit," Y/n cringed, that stung a little because she knew that Rafe changed his frat boy ways just to be with her and he barely parties, plus Y/n hadn't seen him drink since that incident when he got into a fight with some guy and ended up getting jumped.
"Its alright," Y/n said, trying to set some ease to the conversation, "Who needs boys," Sarah yelled, chugging down the rest of her cup of beer and grabbing the nearest girl she saw, and kissing the living shit out of her, Y/n stood there, in shock.
Sooner or later Y/n couldn't stand the sight of her friend making out with a random person, she thought they would've stopped already, I guess not. "Sarah I'm just...gonna go," Obviously Sarah was too drunk to comprehend that she wasn't making out with her boyfriend John B.
As Y/n walked away she felt eyes on her, and it wasn't the type that was checking her out, it felt like their eyes were staring into her soul, pricing it roughly, that's when she got that feeling, that unsure feeling in the pit of her stomach. She tried to walk away, but it was almost like it was following her every move.
Y/n rolled her eyes as she pushed through the crowd, shoving everybody, she was about to get sick, and Y/n rushed, the light glowing blurry, as everybody's voice was screaming it echoed through her head, giving her a massive migraine.
"Fuck," Y/n swore, pushing her hair that was sticking up down with her hand. A scream. Somebody screamed. And now, Everybody screamed. As y/n pushed her head up to see what was causing the commotion she met Kelece, except, his throat was slit, and he was stabbed at least 5 times in the stomach. Y/n threw up everywhere.
She looked back up, watching as his blood started spilling everywhere, and standing above the body was.... Ghostface, Y/n was so close, it was almost an inch away from the crime scene. Y/n screamed, Loudly, Ghostface looked up vastly to meet eyes with the girl.
"Y/n?" the unknown voice said, however, it wasn't so unknown anymore, Y/n knew that voice from anywhere, she knew exactly who that sounded like, however, as she looked up she didn't want to believe it, how can her sweet loving boyfriend, be a killer, especially murdering one of his closes friends.
Y/n's eyes widen, she was in shock, and not the good kind, was Rafe Cameron, the boy that she had known since she was three secretly the masked killer, the boy who made her flowers from paper because he spent all his money on designer bags that Y/n doesn't even use.
The boy who calls her mommy to try and get her turned on because he wants her so bad, the boy who basically craves her taste on his lips early in the morning.
Rafe Cameron, Y/n's Rafe Cameron.
As she looked up she found herself wishing to god that if she looked at her GPS he was still at home and she was just overthinking, as Y/n rushed out the door she found herself cramming through her phone, she went on Life360, pressing on Rafe's location.
Rafe Camerons current location
453 Brooklyn Street. Aka, Toppers address.
Y/n dropped her phone, so when Sarah said that she saw him, she actually meant it, all the goodness and the things that Y/n thought about him went out the door, that day, at the haunted house, Rafe told her not to go, the room was dark, and he grabbed ahold of Y/n stabbing her, however when the light finally turned back on, Ghostface saw Y/n's face and Ran.
Everything was starting to make sense, it wasn't so messy anymore, it was all Rafe Cameron, her boyfriend, she's dating a fucking serial killer.
...
ACT III
Y/n walked through the doors of her house, still traumatized as tears streamed down her face, Kelce was a dick, but he was also a good person, most of the time, actually, nevermind, he was a person, and that was all that matters.
She threw her keys on the island, making her way to the kitchen to grab herself a cup of water, that headache still acing his skull. "Y/n thank god you're safe," Rafe Cameron said, grabbing her by the waist. Y/n quickly threw him off, "Rafe, don't fucking touch me, I know." Y/n told, pointing her finger in front of his face.
Rafes worried look quickly vanished, "Are you scared?" He questioned, his tone growing dark and mysterious. "n..No," Y/n says, her voice trembling in fear.
" Good, because I love you Y/n, and I would never hurt you."
"your not even gonna deny it?"
"Why would I ever lie to you?"
Y/n rolled her eyes, "Why?" she asked, her voice cracking, everything Rafe was to her, all the goodness was gone, and all that was left was the darkness. "I'm doing it for you," Rafe answered, Y/n didn't say anything, her face downgraded as she backed up the closer her boyfriend got.
"Bullshit, how could killing people help me?" Rafe made a noise, it sounded like a laugh, however, it wasn't, "That night, at the haunted house, I heard those girls, the girls you thought were your friends, they were talking about you, saying that you're a slut, and a whore." Y/n shook her head, in disbelief.
"I couldn't let them get away with that."
Y/n's back hits the wall, giving her no room to move back from him, "And Kelce, I heard what he did, he was groping you, why didn't you tell me?" He questioned, pushing a piece of hair behind her ear as his tone got softer, and he noticed that she was trembling.
"Because I knew you would overreact, and I was so right, he was drunk Rafe, and he apologized saying that he didn't mean to...touch me without consent." Tears streamed through her eyes, remembering the eye-flashing sight of his blood spilling out of her throat.
"See what's where you're wrong, he was planning on doing stuff to you, I saw his text message on his phone, he was gonna rig your drink."
He said, kissing her forehead lightly, "So you kill him?!" Y/n asks, shouting at him, "Yes! you make me so crazy Y/n L/n that I would literally kill for you."
Rafe backs up, watching his now crying girlfriend as tears stain her rushed cheeks, her massacre ruined, Rafe then bends down, his knees touching the floor, "But, that night at the haunted house, you...you stabbed me, Rafe,"
"I told you not to go, Im so sorry Y/n, Im so, so so sorry." Rafe grabbed her hands, kissing her fingers one by one, praising her, not wanting to let her go, "There isn't a line, in this world, that I wouldn't cross for you," he cried, Rafe Cameron cried.
"I want to spend every minute with you Y/n L/n, I want you, all the time, every day, every hour, every minute, every second." Rafe then began kissing her arm, all the way up to her shoulder then back down.
"Will you marry me?"
#Spotify#rafe cameron#rafe#Rafe Cameron smut#obx#outer banks#outer banks rafe#rafecameron#jjmaybank#rafe cameron outer banks#obx smut#outerbanksimagine#rafe cameron imagine#rafe cameron x reader#rafe cameron x you#rafe obx#rafe outer banks#obx x reader#rafe cameron fanfiction
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thinking about fwb!JJ and how he confesses he’s fucking whipped okay so nobody knows you and JJ fuck on the DL. your friends honestly just think that maybe the two of you have crushes on each other but they don't actually think anything else is going on. but boyyy are they wrong. everyone is at the beach (everyone as in the pogues + you) you're wearing your favorite skimpy bathing suit and JJ is not going for it. before the two of you got into the twinkie to head to the beach you'd had a whole minor disagreement with JJ in the chateau about you wearing that bathing suit. when you'd gotten to the beach JJ was almost over the fact that you'd disobeyed his wishes to not wear the bathing suit. that is until he has to go fetch the beer from the twinkie that had been forgotten when unloading everything down to the beach. when he comes back, case of beer in his hand he sees in a distance john b. picking you up off of the towel you'd been so peacefully laying on, throwing you over his shoulder, despite your protest, to run into the water and making sure you're nice and submerged before letting you go. you're both laughing and splashing each other when a furious JJ makes his way to the designated spot to set the beers down. when everyone is done swimming, making their way to where JJ was seated to relax and have a beer, JJ’s annoyance is clear. every time you try talking to him his response is half assed and eventually you just give up. later on when everyone is ready to leave and everything is packed up you guys make your way back to the chateau. when the twinkie is parked JJ is the first to hop out, storming off to his room in the chateau and you quickly follow. "what’s your problem, JJ?" is the first thing you ask when you step in the room. "shut the door." is all he says and of course you do as told. when the door is closed that's when JJ steps near you. "you know, i've never wanted to do this whole friends with benefits thing." your brows furrow at that. you had no clue where this was going. "do you know how fuckin' hard it is to watch guys stare at you and not be able to do anything about it ‘cause we're not together?" he had no idea how much you related to that. constantly having to watch girls throw themselves at him. "-and having to watch my own guy friends crush on you because they don't know about us. ‘bout the things we do." and you're honestly at a loss for words. "JJ, i didn't know-" and he's shaking his head before you can even finish what you were saying and reaching up to let his palm rest on the side of your face. "fuck, i know we had that shitty fuckin' rule about how neither of us can catch feelings but y/n.. i was in love with you way before i was fucking you."
#thots#jj thots#outerbanks#obx#jj maybank#jj maybank x reader#jj maybank imagine#jj mayback x reader#jj maybank x you#jjmaybank#jj obx#jj x reader#jj maybank fluff#jj maybank fanfiction#jj mayback imagine
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long time no sex - jj maybank
summary - yn goes on vacation for two weeks, leaving jj horny as ever. when she gets back, she makes a decision with john b to try to go as long as possible without doing anything with jj, which she quickly fails.
warnings - full on smut, pet names (baby, babe, darlin’, sweetheart), words such as cock, pussy, shaft and hole are used, jj with a breeding kink?, oral (f given), hand jobs (m given), unprotected sex (WRAP IT BEFORE YOU TAP IT), lil bit of fluff.
a/n - this took me like two days cause i’ve never written full on smut before and i was struggling sm, please lmk what y’all think 🙏
word count - 2,198
post number - 8
reader - she/her, fem.
after a long vacation, yn couldn’t wait to see her boyfriend. the closer john b drove her to the chateau, the more excited she got to see jj.
she’d been gone for two weeks and now she got to see him again.
“yn?” john b broke the silence.
she looked at him, “yeah?”
“please don’t fuck in my house.”
yn made the most shocked face she possibly could, “what- why would we hav- what?!”
“i know you two; you can’t keep your hands off each other for two seconds, and jj has been dying without you here.”
“in what means?”
“he got a hard on from an eighty year old woman picking up her bag that she dropped.” he beat around the bush.
yn snickered, “oh my god! should i make him wait as long as possible just to tease him?”
“yes, definitely. i’ve been meaning to get him back for his pranks recently.”
“you? you’re gonna do the prank?”
john b chuckled, “no but if i agree to it then technically i’m in on it. right?”
“suppose so.”
“i don’t think you’ll be able to go five minutes - either one of you.”
“shut up, jb.”
after another few minutes, they’d finally arrived at the small home, where jj was already waiting on the porch steps. when he saw the van pull up, he immediately jogged over to the passengers side of the van, opening the door to pull his girlfriend out.
he pulled yn towards him as soon as her seatbelt was removed. he pulled her into a hug, as she wrapped her legs around his body.
“hi, baby.” she mumbled into his neck.
jj inhaled yn’s scent, “oh, i’ve missed you so much.”
“i’ve heard.” she looked at him, smirking.
his eyebrows furrowed in confusion, “what?”
“oh, nothing, jb just told me a little something on the ride over.”
he thought for a second, then immediately knew what she meant. he dropped his girlfriend to the floor, only after making sure her feet were on the ground, before turning to john b.
“bro. seriously?”
“it was funny.”
“no, it wasn’t.” jj defended.
“it really was.”
jj turned away, “fuck you, then.”
“aw, poor little baby, jj.” yn teased, “did you get a hard on from someone’s grandma? poor you.”
“i hate you.”
“can we go in now?” john b whined.
and so, the three of them went inside.
for a few hours, yn and jj laid in bed, relaxing, with netflix playing in the background while they conversed. everything was going smoothly until yn made another joke about grandmas.
“fuck you!” jj shouted, pinning his girlfriend down to the bed. yn squealed, trying to wiggle free as the blonde boy held her down by the wrists.
“you wanna carry on?” jj raised his eyebrows.
yn held back her laughter, “no.”
“are you gonna stop now?”
the girl thought for a moment, “no.”
jj got up in yn’s face, “what’s that darling?”
“no.” she got shy, lowering her voice.
“gonna have to do something about that.” their faces were practically touching at this point; they could feel each other’s breath against their skin.
before yn could even reply, jj pressed his lips against his girlfriends, their lips melted together as if it were in their body’s nature to do so.
their lips moved together quickly, but not too quickly. jj’s left hand crept from around yn’s wrist to around her neck, while his other hand slipped down to her thigh.
he gently pressed his hand against her neck - in response, her mouth slightly opened, and a soft whimper came out.
“do that again.” jj whispered into her ear.
“i can’t just make it happen, jj.”
jj moved his lips down from her lips to her neck, nipping at her skin, softly. he knew the response he would get this time - soft, quiet little moans fell from his girlfriends mouth.
his smirk pressed against her collarbone as he left small red marks on her skin. his hands moved to the hem of yn’s shirt.
“can i take this off?” he asked.
“yeah.” she whispered.
without wasting a moment, jj had already taken the girls shirt off and it was now laying on his bedroom floor.
yn’s hand quickly got tangled in jj’s locks as his lips pressed against her breasts.
“jj” she softly bit her lip, holding back a moan.
“good girl.” he praised, “i love your little moans, darlin’, but jb probably wants you to keep quiet. can you do that for me?”
she nodded, getting a soft peck on the lips in return.
jj took his own shirt off, then his shorts, leaving him in nothing but his boxers. by now, jj’s cock pressed against yn’s core, causing a lot of friction. jj removed his lips from around yn’s nipples, going up to her ear.
he nibbled her ear gently, “fuck, you feel what you’re doing to me, sweetheart?”
“fuck me, jj. i can’t wait any longer. it’s been two weeks.”
“tell me about it.” he responded, pulling down his girlfriends jeans, before going to pull off her panties, “this okay?”
“yeah.”
jj quickly discarded of his girlfriends final item of clothing, throwing it onto the floor.
his fingers made their way into his girlfriends pussy, not moving until after he’d spit to make sure it wasn’t going to be uncomfortable, even though she was already wet.
he started with two fingers, slowly pumping them in and out, getting yn’s pussy used to the feeling again. the moans that were now falling from yn’s ears sounded like music to jj’s ears.
jj nipped at yn’s thigh for a moment, leaving another mark, before his tongue made its way to her clit. as his fingers sped up, his tongue was soft, moving up her clit, qs if he was stroking it. as her breathing got heavier, jj sped up his fingers and tensed his tongue slightly, earning godly praise falling from yn’s lips.
“fuck- jj! that feels so good!” one of her hands was tangled in jj’s hair still, while the other was gripping on the bedsheets for dear life.
jj felt yn’s body start to twitch and shake beneath him, hinting that she was close.
waiting for a whimper, which usually let him know she was going to reach her high, he asked, “you close, baby?”
“mhm-“ she whimpered, biting her lip, begging her mouth to stay quiet.
gripping the bedsheets were no longer enough, and yn gripped jj’s hair with her other hand, basically yanking at it now.
jj slipped another finger into his girlfriend’s hole, and his tongue became more passionate as he licked her clit.
“jj! fuck, i’m gonna cum.” she moaned.
“cum for me, darlin’.”
jj’s fingers sped up, going as deep as he could get them, curling them slightly, in order to hit that spot that got yn to climax.
his fingers were now covered in a sticky, cloudy substance, “fuck, baby. you okay?”
“yeah.” she breathed, “that was so good.”
jj reached for a wipe, as he wasn’t one that was much for licking his fingers clean, wiping the cum from his fingers.
“you ready for my cock now, darl?” he asked, pressing a soft kiss to her lips.
she nodded, not giving him the consent he was after.
“verbal.” he spoke, in a low tone.
“yes. please, jj.” yn was practically begging.
finally getting the consent he needed, he discarded of his boxers, also tossing them to the ground.
yn got up to kneel, and wrapped her hand around jj’s shaft. she leant over to spit, making her movements smoother and less uncomfortable for jj.
they were both aware that she wasn’t giving him a full on handjob, just getting him completely hard, but she wanted to tease him a bit. her spare hand crept underneath to jj’s balls, giving them the slightest squeeze possible; jj’s head fell straight into yn’s neck as she stroked his cock, letting out a groan into her skin.
“fuck, baby.” he groaned, “don’t play with me like this.”
she chuckled, “just getting you warmed up, jay.”
while yn stroked jj’s hard on, he went back to pecking at her neck, occasionally nibbling and sucking at her skin.
“oh my god-“ jj held back laughter.
“what?”
“i just gave you a huge hickey, babe.”
yn’s irises widened, “what?!”
she picked up the closest phone to her, which happened to be jj’s and checked in the camera.
“jj!” she scolded, “my brothers are gonna kill me, you dick!”
“i can make it up to you?”
she smirked, as jj tilted in response, almost as if he were asking an actual question. almost as if they were in sync, jj practically dove at yn as she pressed her lips to jj’s.
jj lifted his girlfriend’s leg up and pulled her closer, pressing his cock against her core.
“you ready?” he asked.
“fuck, yeah.”
jj pulled out a tube of lube from his bedside table before smearing a small amount over his cock, then tossed it onto the pillow next to them.
“condom?” he asked, checking what yn wanted.
“nah. i’ve got plan b in your drawer.”
he nodded, then he rubbed his dick up and down her folds, teasing her by rubbing it occasionally on her clit, causing her lower body to slightly twitch.
when yn gave him the okay, he slowly pressed is dick into yn’s hole, trying not to cause her too much discomfort, as it had been a while.
“you hurtin’?” jj asked, genuinely concerned.
“no, just feels a bit strange.”
“am i okay to move then?”
she nodded, “mhm.” giving him the verbal consent she knew jj was after.
jj slowly moved back and forth, pushing in and out of yn’s pussy. he leant into his girlfriend, placing one hand on her hip, and the other on her jaw, before passionately kissing her.
their lips moved as if they were molded together, when jj knew that yn was okay, from the small moan that fell against his own lips, his pace sped up.
“baby-“ yn grabbed jj’s shoulder, “fuck- go faster, jj.”
jj’s hips thrusted in and out faster than before, hitting yn’s cervix, repeatedly.
yn could no longer kiss jj; her nails were currently digging into his back, as her teeth were softly pressing into jj’s neck, “fuck me, jj.”
“i am, darlin’.” he breathed.
by now they were both a complete mess, hickeys all over the both of them, teeth marks in jj’s neck, nail marks on yn’s hip and scratches across jj’s back.
jj threw his head back, flicking his now sweaty hair out of his face, in order to see his beautiful girlfriend again.
“fuck- you’re so beautiful.” he moaned, admiring yn’s body.
she pulled jj closer to her, as his cock twitched inside her and her vision was partially covered by white spots. she kissed jj, as they both couldn’t hold back anymore - their breaths became one, as they moaned and groaned in between kisses onto each other lips.
“i’m gonna cum, sweetheart.” jj informed yn, pressing his head into the inside of her neck.
“me.. too-“ she struggled to breath out.
as they were getting closer and closer to reaching their highs, jj’s hips slapped against yn’s skin faster and harder than before, he almost couldn’t control it anymore.
“can i cum inside you?” he asked.
“yes, fuck- please cum inside me, jj” she moaned, consenting once again.
with the consent he was given, he thrusted into his girlfriend a few more times, before the both of them had their orgasms.
jj pressed his forehead against yn’s, slowly thrusting, as yn held his head.
“i love you so much.” yn whispered.
“i love you too, baby.” jj responded, pressing a kiss to her lips, before flopping down onto the pillow next to him, “ow, forgot i put that there.”
jj passed the lube to yn, who then placed it into the drawer next to her.
both their chests were quickly moving up and down as they caught their breaths.
“can i clean you up, sweetheart?”
“yeah, jay.”
jj reached to grab a tissue from the bedside table next to him, and gently wiped around yn’s now sensitive areas, wiping the substances off her, then grabbing a wipe to properly clean her. he then threw them both into the bin before laying back down, only for yn to do the same cleaning process to jj.
“i don’t understand why you never clean yourself off after me.”
“guess i just prioritise you.”
“how cute.” yn joked.
jj chuckled, “shut up. wanna stay here for a bit or do you wanna get some food and a drink?”
“i’m kinda hungry.”
“let’s get changed then and we can go grab some food.” jj responded, getting up, before pulling his girlfriend up with him, making sure she stabilised herself before he let go of her.
they both got changed before they left jj’s room and headed into the kitchen area of the chateau.
while jj made food, yn went over to john b, and whispered, “i failed.”
“i know. my poor ears had to hear it all.”
#jjmaybankshousekeeping#obx#jj maybank#jj maybank fluff#jj maybank smut#jjmaybank#outer banks#jj maybank gifs#fyp#jj maybank blurb#jj maybank x pogue!reader#obx jj#jj obx#jj x reader#jj mayback x reader#maybank#jjmaybank x reader#jj mayback imagine#jj maybank angst#john b#john b routledge#john b x reader#for you page#foryoupage#foryou#fyodor dostoevsky#tumblr fyp#fypツ
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The Fifth Day of Kinkmas: Nipple Piercings | JJ Maybank
Warnings: cursing, smut, nipple play, mentions of sex
Pairings: JJ Maybank x Female Pogue Reader
Summary: In which, when Y/N is sleeping over at JJ's house, she tells him that her piercings finally healed.
Author's Note: sorry this one is short.
12 Days of Kinkmas Masterlist
You were laying beside JJ, snuggled up in his side when you looked up at him. "Mm.. Jayj?" You asked quietly. "Yeah cupcake?" He asks. "I have something I have to tell you." You said as you sat up slowly. JJ followed you and sat up as well before looking your way. "Okay, what is it?" He asked as he tilted his head. "I mean it isn't a big deal or anything but... my piercings healed." You said with a giggle. "I- you're nipple piercings?" He said with a grin.
"Yup!" You said with a smirk. "Wanna see them?" You asked. "Fuck yeah I do!" He said as he was quick to peel your top off of your body before discarding it somewhere on the floor. You smirked when you saw JJ's face. He was looking at your tits like he was a kid in a candy store. "Well, don't just sit in stare. Come on, touch them." You said with a giggle as you moved your long hair out of the way. His hands slowly moved up your sides before they reached your breasts.
He put his hands on top of them before gently squeezing them. You bit your lip as you watched him play with your tits. He massaged them for a little bit before gently tugging on your nipples, causing you to gasp and whimper. "Fuck.." You said quietly with a sigh. JJ just smirked before leaning down to suck on your left nipple. You gasped and moaned out, running your hands through his soft blonde hair as he continued to suck on it, massaging your right breast with his hand. He sucked on it for a few minutes before pulling back.
"Well we need to give the other one love, now don't we?" He said with a grin before moving to your right tit, drawing the hardened bud into his mouth, sucking on it. You put your head back and closed your eyes but your eyes quickly shot back open and you gasped when JJ gently bit down on your nipple. He pulled back to admire your tits before looking up at you with a smirk. "I am going to have so much damn fun with these tits tonight." He said with a devilish smirk.
Author's Note: tysm for reading!
#outer banks#obx#outerbanks#jj maybank#j. maybank#jjmaybank#jj#maybank#jj maybank x reader#jj maybank x female reader#jj maybank x fem!reader#jj maybank x f!reader#jj maybank x you#jj maybank x oc#jj maybank x y/n#smut#obx smut#jj maybank smut#rudy pankow#kinkmas#kinkmas 2023#yammy's fics
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No Nut November
TW: Masturbation references. Smut. Semi-public sex. Language.
SUMMARY: Partaking in ‘No Nut November’ would prove difficult when you become a bit too needy for him to stay true to his ambition.
WORD COUNT: 1500
REQUESTED:
Anonymous asked:
Reader x one of the obx guys and him and his friends (so either the other kooks or other pogues) are challenging each other who can go the longest for no nut November and it’s been a few days and you’re being needy so you do everything to tease him until he finally gives in and fucks you
*I WANTED TO CHANGE THIS A BIT TO MAKE IT A BIT MORE INTERESTING…
No Nut November
The odds were stacked against him from the second he agreed to this display of self control; one thing he already wasn’t known for possessing. But by the two week mark, having lasted longer than anyone thought he would, JJ was busting at the proverbial and literal seam of his pants as you only made this worse. Purposely wearing only his shirts and tracing him such ways that if you’d only move slightly north, he’d certainly stain his shorts after denying himself that release for so long. But if there was one thing JJ Maybank was above all else, it was stubborn. Especially when money was on the line. And this was the deal he made with the other pogues. Two hundred dollars for who could last. But you had an ambition all your own.
“JJ?” You asked as he relaxed in the hammock, trying to think of anything but how his cock throbbed at even just the sound of your voice. He was desperate, but too stubborn to let anyone else have that two hundred dollars.
“I’m bored…”
“I think Sarah and Kie are-”
“I want to play with you…” You watched his jaw clench and his chest rise in a deep breath.
“Sweetheart-”
“Please J…I miss you…” He sat on the edge of the hammock, tapping his knee as you knew the invitation well as it was all you had for the last two weeks. But no matter how skilled he was with his fingers or his tongue, you wanted HIM. Because there was nothing like the sensation of his fullness-the closeness. And for that, you were willing to risk appearing desperate or even feral.
“I want YOU, JJ…”
“Baby, I can’t-” For this, you dropped to your knees, running your hands up his thighs and to his belt as he contracted against you.
“Is THIS worth more than two hundred dollars? Shit, J, I’ll pay you myself, just fuck me!”
“Ahem!” John B cleared his voice at your back as you turned to find Pope and Kiara smirking at your desperation.
“You’re so screwed, J…” Kie commented as he was able to distance himself from you long enough to ignore the temptation you forced on him.
A few hours later, you were all set around the inner heart of The Chateau. Some conversation of a recent movie spoken between Kiara and John B with passionate standpoints on either end as you could only focus on the fringe of the blanket at the ends of your fingers, unable to meet anyone’s gaze as you were too embarrassed. All because of a stupid deal that made you completely unhinged. And in the attempts he made to warrant a response from you, you would only ignore him, until he tried to pull your legs over him, to which, you’d just pull yourself into his room, slamming the door closed without a care of how this could embarrass him or yourself.
He waited only a short while before following behind you, finding you in one of his shirts yet again, only now, without a care to use it as a means of seduction. But the second that you would find him wrapping his arms around you, no matter how tempting his embrace had been, you pulled away from him. Or at least tried to before feeling him pull his grip to between your thighs. As you tried to fight him, but found the expert circles and perfect pressure to draw you into more of an agreeable state than what you would have preferred.
“JJ-”
He silenced you by a hand around your mouth, “You’re gonna want to keep this there…I’m not stopping until you know how sorry I am…And I know how much of a screamer my girl is,especially when I make her squirt…” You groaned into his palm as he was quick to take you to that precipice of that orgasm, only to edge you.
“JJ, Please…”
“I know what you need…And I know exactly how to give it to you…but you need to give it to me when I’m ready…”
“Please, J…Nobody has to know…Just the tip…Just let me see it-fuck…please…”
“You really love it that much?” He smirked against your ear as his hand had lowered so you could talk.
“I need it, J…Please…” You began to rock your ass against him, rubbing and circling him, before his hands stationed at your waist.
“Then we’re gonna make it worth two hudnred dollars.” He turned you suddenly on your stomach, the excitement of this moment having only been compared to that of your first time together. His hands were quick to undress himself before he would then position your hips up to him.
“You want it and you’re gonna take it, right sweetheart?”
“Yes, J-I swear to God…”
“Nuh uh…Me. Swear. To. Me.” He ordered as he bent you into such an arch that he could look into your eyes as you nodded.
“I swear to you, JJ…Whatever you want to do to me, I’m yours…” He smirked.
“Then perk that perfect little ass up for me and bounce it against me exactly how I like it…you know how…And I want you to flick yourself…do it slowly because I want this to last…” You nodded. “And you don’t get to come until I say.”
“Yes, JJ…”
“Goooood girl…” He purred, his cock suddenly inside of you as you whimpered.
“Yes…” You grunted. “YES-” You spoke again behind tear eyes and clenched teeth.
“You gonna make it worth it for me?”
“Yes…”
“Then why the fuck aren’t you moving?” You began to move forward, allowing his cock to find the familiarity of your inner walls clenching around him. With a hand to the bend of your neck, he held you in guidance to slow your desperate thrusts before you were left solely to his motions and the white knuckled grip into your shoulder.
“J Please…it’s-”
“Don’t you dare complain. I’ve waited two weeks without doing as much as stroking and you’ve been walking around making it worse…wearing my shirts with no panties-yeah I noticed…” He paused to set a smack to your ass, “Bending over and moaning…on your knees and looking up at me like you know drives me crazy…So YOU don’t get to complain.” But as he spoke these words, he would take pity on you as he had been relentless, minutes fading into an hour and beyond as he’d break long enough to prolong his own release. All the while, edging you and spouting those dirty words that kept you ready for him without aggression reaching to the forefront.
“JJ…”
“Turn over.” He finally allowed you a reprieve before you obeyed, his hands quick to pull his shirt from your torso as he was quick to attack each breast. Your fingers ran through his hair but were quickly set over your head.
“You’ve done enough…I know you’ve had to wait too…So you’re gonna come,” He was silenced by his own motions, wincing at the reinsertion of his cock to your welcoming sex, “With me…It’s only fair-”
“Please, JJ…”
“Fuck…I missed those whines…Ke-k-keep whining for me…shit…” He grunted, head folded into your shoulder as you dug your nails into his arms, his muscles contracting to each movement, before his paces grwe to that familiar speed of a near climax.
“You can stop and still win, J-” You reminded him.
“Not a fucking chance in hell. You wanted it…you’re gonna get it. All. OF. IT!” He clenched, battering into you, finger rushing across your clit as you would squirt,allowing him the perfect slick to pound his final desperate movements into you before then falling at your side, breathless, pullingyo in to him.
“To be honest…I can’t believe I lasted THIS long…” He confessed as you nodded.
“I’m sorry, JJ…For being desperate-”
“I’m not.” You looked up at him, his hand softly tracing your jaw.
“Because it means that you have 200 reasons to make it up to me.”
“200-orgasms?!” He nodded.
“Before the end of November-” Your eyes widened.
“That’s like five a day, J!”
“And this was one…” He winked. “Now do whatever you have to, get some water-shower,although that’s redundant…because when I come back…I’m using that perfect…dirty…little mouth…” You were left in awe as he moved back into the crux of The Chateau, applause awaiting him.
“Guess you missed out, JJ…” Pope teased.
“You can gladly have it. Because after that last dollar is spent, I’ll still get to have sex…” He teased as you blushed when hearing him speak in regards to you. But you couldn’t help the fact he was right…
Taglist: @hopebaker @iovdrew @penny4yourthoughts @magnificantmermaid @pickingviolets @lovedetlost @trikigirl271 @maybankslover @slut4starkey @slvtherinseeker @obxiskewl @obxxrxfes @bluesongbird @slut-era @ailee-celeste @rafesbae @pankhoeforlife @pankowperfection
#jjmaybank#jjsmut#jj maybank x reader#jj maybank smut#jj maybank#outerbanks#obx#outer banks smut#obx fanfiction#outer banks#rafe cameron
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𝘀𝗶𝗰𝗸, 𝗷𝗷 𝗺𝗮𝘆𝗯𝗮𝗻𝗸
𝘾𝙧𝙚𝙙𝙞𝙩𝙨 : 𝙡𝙖𝙞𝙡𝙖𝙬𝙧𝙞𝙩𝙚𝙨𝙨_ 𝙤𝙣 𝙒𝙖𝙩𝙩𝙥𝙖𝙙
𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: 𝐲/𝐧 𝐬𝐚𝐲𝐬 𝐬𝐡𝐞'𝐬 𝐬𝐢𝐜𝐤 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐉𝐉 𝐝𝐨𝐞𝐬𝐧'𝐭 𝐛𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐞𝐯𝐞 𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐮𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐥 𝐬𝐡𝐞 𝐩𝐚𝐬𝐬𝐞𝐬 𝐨𝐮𝐭
"JJI DON'T feel well i've told you multiple times" y/n mumbled putting her face into the pillows. jj scoffed and pulled the pillow away from her
"hun i know you don't like parties but c'mon, john b is gonna be there, kie, sarah, pope" jj said sitting beside you on the bed. you sigh and walk over to the dresser
"i'm showing up in leggings and a hoodie" y/n said grabbing a pair of leggings and jjs hoodie
"i don't care what you wear" jj said with a goofy smile "as long as your coming"
you change into your outfit and jj takes you out to his motorcycle
"jj if i ride this i'll puke" you say shaking your head
"we're taking my car"
"don't be dramatic" jj says sitting in the passenger seat of your car. you make sure the music is down so your head doesn't explode.
one of jjs favorite songs came on and he cranked the radio. you slapped his hand and turned it down.
"jj i have a headache leave the music down" you say turning into the chateaus driveway. jj nods and the group piles into your car.
it didn't take long to get to the bonfire, once you guys made it you went your separate ways.
it was an hour into the party and you haven't drank or smoked anything. you weren't feeling well at all.
jj held you in his arms as the two of you swayed to the music.
"jj i really don't feel well" you mumbled feeling your eyes getting heavy. you vaguely remember what happened next.
"y/n" jjs voice was faint but recognizable "hey love, come on"
"jj what happened" john b said running over "dude is she okay"
"i don't know john b" jj snapped. people started surrounding you and jj told all of them to go away.
"jj she needs to go home" kiara said.
"I already know that" jj snapped again. He was worried, he should've believed you.
he didn't wanna move you until you woke up.
"jj" you mumble. He let out a sigh of relief and helped you slowly stand up.
you stumble a bit but jj holds you steady.
"I just wanna go home" you whisper leaning into his chest. jj nods and walks you to your car. John b, pope and kie followed close behind.
"drop us off at the chateau, i can drive those two home" john b said. JJ nodded and took the trio to John B's place.
it didn't take long to get back to your place, jj was speeding so that could be a factor too.
"Do you need anything? '' JJ asked once he got you into bed. He already got Advil and water and put it on the nightstand.
you shake your head and jj lays beside you. he holds
you tightly and kiss the back of your head.
"I'm so sorry I didn't believe you" jj whispered. you turn to face him and cup his face
"Can you let go of me? It's really hot" you joked. jj shook
his head and held you closer to him "last time i let you go you passed out so no" jj laughed.
Of course, he's going to be overly clingy now.
#jj mayback x reader#jj maybank#jj obx#jj mayback imagine#jj maybank fanfiction#jj maybank x pogue!reader#obx fic#obx imagine#outer banks#jj maybank x you#jj maybank x reader#jjmaybank
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Linger Like A Tattoo Kiss
JJ Maybank x fem!reader
Summery: After running away from a long term relationship to chase after a summer fling, JJ is left with the pieces of what once was. He can try to get it back, but at the end of the day JJ always fucks up.(Inspired by the folklore love triangle and Normal People.)
“I really hated you for a while.”
Crickets fill the void of silence, a puff of smoke dancing from the old pot beside her, a cigarette squished out in her wilting daffodils. Her hands fist at the hems of her sweater, pulling it impossibly closer to her body, stretching out the stitching and crossing her arms to keep it in place.
“I saw a girl walk by hand in hand with this boy. He had lipstick all over his face, and I felt bad for the girl, I really did, and I had no reason to. They seemed happy enough to have each other, no wandering eyes or anything like that. I guess they just reminded me of us y’know? With the kissing and all that. Figured if we were once like that, who’s to say he won’t go and hurt her too? It’s a real cruel thing to assume, I suppose. To think love is damned just because it was for us.”
“Don’t say that.” She says it so casually that I almost miss the tears in her eyes she blinks at rapidly.
“Well we were.” She laughs bitterly.
“You always did have a wandering eye. Thought it was just people watching because I thought I knew you. It’s probably for the best that I don’t, you and your reckless thinking but you know, strangers don’t kiss like that. Almost makes me feel bad for you that in our entire life together I knew nothing about you, but then I remember what you did and I feel better for it.”
She looks up from her feet which have been crossed underneath her this whole time, shoulders pressed against the old doorframe of her even older house.
“So why are you here, JJ?” She finally asks, cardigan falling from under her arms and her fists pulling down her jean pockets.
“Why’d you answer?”
Nodding slowly, she thinks about it, smiling to herself before scooting over the threshold and swinging the door by its rusting handle.
My hand spreads flat against the chipped yellow paint, an old mark left behind from where the mail box used to be before people stopped sending letters and the metal rusted right off of the wood.
“P-please! Please, Y/n/n.”
Looking at her watching me, I see that she doesn’t hate me like she said she did, not anymore. But she doesn’t love me and I can see that too. It’s like I’m nonexistent to her, neither good nor bad.
“I know I hurt you, believe me I do. I just need you to hear me now so I can explain myself.”
“I’ll never love you again, if that’s what you want.”
“I don’t expect you to. I just hope you’ll hear me and understand that I still do.” The screen door that separated the wooden one and the humid outdoors shook the whole frame of the house when it slammed shut again, her bare feet padding across the splintering wood to lead me away from her front steps.
“I haven’t seen you in months, JJ. You had all summer to make me see you and you wait until August is over? Did you enjoy spending July a bachelor too much or did you forget about me when you were six shots deep at the boneyard?” She tries to spin her anger like it’s a joke, but when she turns her head I can still see the twitching of her bottom lip. She pulls the soft flesh between her teeth to keep it still.
“I didn’t think you’d want to see me.” She laughs.
“You were right.” I smile back at her, but it’s strained.
“Would it be wrong of me to blame it on my father?” I ask only half serious, hands stuffed in my front pockets and feet dragging in the dirt next to hers.
“I don’t think it would be wrong. Manipulative, maybe, but not wrong.”
“Well it’s true.” She scoffs, rolling her eyes away from me.
“You don’t believe me?” I ask, eyebrows furrowed.
“I think it can be half true. Maybe, if what you claim is the reason, your father did influence you to do what you did, but he did not make you do it. You did.”
Looking at her, though she sounded like she was smiling, I find that she was not. She even looked distant, detached from the conversation and uninterested at best.
“I don’t need to tell you how he gets, but I owe it to you to explain it to you now.” She stops just short of the old hammock strung from a big oak tree and a weaker dead one. It reminds me of the one back at the chateau, only more well loved and faded than John B’s.
“You don’t owe me shit.” She acts tough but she doesn’t move either and it tells me that she really does want to listen. At least part of her, anyway.
“Usually I don’t believe the shit he says. He’s a bitter drunk, he won’t even remember what he was thinking in an hour. But when he brought up your name, I don’t know, I couldn’t not buy it a little bit.” I scratch my arm and she says nothing.
“I mean, what would he know about young love? Abusive fuck with an absent wife, no love in his bitter old heart for his only blood but damn it beats when he’s beating on me. Guess I saw myself in him, to be honest. I’m always angry, and I’ve gotten better at hiding it but I’m furious just the same. I’m afraid I’ll inherit more than his temper, I’m already halfway to being knee deep in my own shit.”
She rolls her lips between her teeth, breathing out calmly.
“I don’t feel bad for you, JJ. I wish I did, I really do, but I just can’t. You’re a nice boy, you have decent morals and a good group of friends. It’s evident in you, no matter where you get it from. You are a bad person, I won’t lie to you and tell you, you aren’t because you are. Maybe I do feel bad for you then, but not because of what you’ve done but because you’re just now realizing it.”
“Y/n/n.”
“Look, you told me to listen and I have. You told me your half but I don’t owe you any of mine. You broke it, you don’t get the privilege of fixing it.”
When she turns on her heals I can see the dirt caked onto the bottom of her feet and I can feel it too. The same feeling of running wild when you’re still so young and naive to the real world and all its issues. I can feel the dirt between my own toes even if it’s not there.
“I won’t stop trying, you know.” I call out flatly.
“I already told you, I’ll never love you again JJ. I meant it.” She sighs heavily, spinning to walk backwards.
“I don’t need you to love me, I just need you to like me again. And I won’t stop it until we laugh like we used to.”
She doesn’t talk, but I catch her smile. It looks like shes not with the way her face scrunches in the fading sunlight but her lips are too upturned for her to not be.
“You came back.”
“I told you I would.” I smile with half my teeth, a toothpick dangling from my bottom lip and a new cut caked in dried blood evening it out on the top half.
“You were never one to keep your promises.” She talks from the windowsill by the kitchen. I can see her knees just under her chest and her socks scrunched up. She’s got her bottom on the counter and some baby carrots between her fingers drenched in ranch. Crunching away at them and double dipping.
“Maybe all this heartbreak has you losing your mind. I never broke any promises, I can promise you that Y/n/n.”
“You promised to always love me.” My confidence falters, she’s got a winning smirk and her knees beneath her now. Her elbows sit on the wooden frame and her head leans over the window to talk to me more clearly.
“Who said I stopped?”
I had her, I could see it in her eyes that I had her.
Y/n was never the strongest willed person I knew, but she had dignity and lots of loyalty that made her tough to crack. Even then, years of friendship built as a foundation for a long term relationship and a steady heartbeat in her chest made it hard to stop contact all together, even if she knew it was for the best. Which is why I knew I could crack her eventually, just not this quickly.
“Well,” she sighs, throwing her legs off of the counter to rinse her dishes in the sink. Her shorts are wet on the hems from the pooling water she sat on and her shirt is faded from the sun and the quick dry cycle on her dryer, “I guess I’m the one who couldn’t keep that promise then.”
“You don’t love me?”
“J,” she breathes heavy through her nose, “I loved you for so long, even before you knew. God, I think if you weren’t so blind you could have seen it too. You might as well have hung the stars and the moon for me. I loved so hard for so long. What we had, JJ, what we have done. We’ve done so much good for one another.” She sighs, hopping back up into her previous spot and leaning in just a little closer so she can rest her head on the windows frame. Her leg dangles outside of the house and her arms wrap around the knee of the other tightly. She looks smaller like this and I can see the darkness in her eyes clearer now.
“What if I never move on?”
The question lingers in the air like the cigarette smoke that danced in the sky last night.
“I can’t make you feel something you don’t. I guess that’s the scary part. I can keep reminding you of what you did and you’ll never quit, will you?”
I shake my head.
“You know I love you.” My elbows rest against the wooden plank underneath the bend of her knee. If I lean too close my thumb would brush against her skin and she’d surely run.
“And I know it’s hypocritical for me to say when all is done is done, but there is no girl, no person that will ever make me feel the same way as I do for you.”
It falls silent between us and I can see now that her sad smile has turned into a frown, like some guilt has started to eat at her when she has nothing to feel sorry for.
“I’ll stay.” I hum softly, a quiet promise just between us, “And I’ll never leave again. You don’t have to love me like you once did, but I do think you make me a better person.”
“And if I go?” She mumbles back, eyebrows relaxing into her sunken face and slouched posture. She looks tired, a whirlwind of a spring leading into the fall taking all her old charm from her aching bones.
“Then I’ll follow you. Wherever you go, I’ll be there and we’ll be okay.”
She looks at me unsure, unbelieving and she’s smart for it. There’s not a thing I’ve proven to her that shows her I’m reliable, not a bone in my body has the ability to be that for her all the time. But I’d like to be if she’d let me again. And I would fuck it up this time.
“It’s over now, anyway. I guess it’s a stupid question to have asked when there no point to it. Guess I just wanted to know the answer. Make me feel better.”
That was the thing about Y/n, she always spoke her mind full and true no matter what. She doesn’t need to tell me why she’s said something but she always does. Even if she hasn’t done anything like she’s done now. When we were dating I thought it was because she could never stop talking, but looking back on it I guess she was never really loud. Only at parties and when she was scared. She rambles when she’s nervous I’ve realized, and I think it’s funny because it also means she can’t lie because either way the truth will come out.
“Sorry.”
“No, don’t be.”
Silence fills the space between us again, her body fidgeting at how close we’ve gotten, breaking her unwritten rule of keeping me at an arms length.
I can see her fingertips searching for her old lighter and her pack of cigarettes. She was never really a smoker, only doing what everyone else had done but I assumed she had picked up the habit while I was away. It made me sad in a sense, not because they were being used, but because she had always been that girl in middle school who would keep them away from all of us. Weed? Sure! But she was smarter than me and most of the other kids who were broke and just wanted some relief, so I guess my heart just hurts seeing how she doesn’t really care anymore.
“Do you want one?” I shake my head no.
“Since when do you smoke?”
“Since when do you care?” The paper is between her lips, balancing on the sticky pink lipgloss she’s coated on her lips.
I shrug, looking at her manicured hands, delicate and smooth cupping around the end where the flame lights just below the end of the cigarette to keep the wind from blowing it out.
“Just didn’t read you as someone who would.” She laughs.
“Yeah, I was kind of stuck up when we were younger, huh?”
“I don’t think thats the right word.” She looks at me, taking the stick away from her mouth and tipping her head back to blow the smoke out.
“What word would you use then?” She smiles down at her hand, rubbing her wrists down her legs and her cheek against her knees.
“Careful, probably.”
She sticks out her tongue, groaning and sitting back against the window frame.
“Might as well call me boring then, right? Can see why you would want to run away with someone so much more…exciting.” She rolls her eyes playfully, lifting the cigarette back to her lips.
“How many more times are you going to say it?” My fingers wrap around the stick, lifting it to my own lips and covering the mark her own had made before putting it out against the back of my hand.
“Me saying it less won’t make it any less true.”
Maybe a smart ass would be the right word to call her. Heartbreak be damned, she was always quick on her tongue only now she had motivation to shoot for the kill.
“Have a nice night, JJ.” Her legs swing over to the cool counter tops where she scoots herself down and back onto the floor. I can see she’s wearing a baby blue bra when she bends over to shut the window, not that I was looking, and she smiles unenthusiastically until she’s turned the corner out of my sight.
“You’d think after a month of this you’d be bored.” She laughs, mittens covering her fingers and a soft cardigan over her heavy sweatshirt. Her nose is numbing from the cold and the grass is crunching underneath the winter frost.
“I could never be bored of you, Y/n/n.”
She opens her mouth to speak, but bites her tongue with a gentle smile. Her cheeks glow and her eyes avoid looking into mine. The plants by her feet are long gone, only weeds that have frozen left behind among the cigarette stubs from all of our small talk by her windows and on her porch. Even with the constant sweeping, we’ve both picked up on the habit and we burn through them each meeting.
“Well, I’m not so sure about that.” She laughs more to herself than to me, hands crossed under her arms and shoulder pressed against the door.
“Why’s that?”
“I don’t know, I suppose I’m just not all that interesting of a person. Not much about me that makes me special.”
Theres a bitter windchill that weaves its way between us and a relentless shiver that travels up my spine and down to my fingertips.
“Well I think you’re plenty interesting.” I smile proudly, almost foolishly at her and wait for her reaction.
She only hums with a puff through her nose and nods, and when her eyes flicker back up to mine they seem a little bit more focused in on me than before.
“I think you’re very pretty too, by the way.”
She laughs again, holding her index under her nose and crinkling her eyes.
“Don’t.” She braces herself further into the doorway and lulls her head back for a moment before coming back.
“Well it’s true!”
“I would hope so, I mean we were together for, how long?”
I fake offense that she doesn’t have the days counted down like I do. Years to months to days to hours to seconds, I have it all calculated in my head.
“You’re relentless, do you know that JJ?”
“I’ve been told a few times, yes.” It’s my turn to laugh, shifting from the heals of my feet to the balls of my toes. I shove my hands deep into my pockets and pray she doesn’t see the blue of my lips and send me home.
It goes quiet for a brief moment, our breathing pausing in our throats and the cold air releasing foggy puffs through the parts of our lips. It doesn’t get as cold as it would up in New England here, but the frost still nips away at the thin skin I’ve grown and bites at the tips of my fingers and the bottoms of my toes.
“How’s Pope doing?” Her breathing has gone heavy again.
I know she’s specifically asked for Pope because he’s the only one who truly saw my faults. John B and Sarah far too woven into their own web of unfaithfulness and Kiara too unbothered to care. Pope was always the most sensible out of us, so when I came home after nearly half a decade unfazed and claiming to have ended things without solid grounds to stand on, he let me have it. In his dad’s truck, specifically.
Driving downtown to the rich side of the island with bags of groceries slung over each shoulder and the bumps in the road shaking the plastic outrageously loud. I told him first, and part of me knew he would see my mistakes and call them out, but I hadn’t and I didn’t want to. I’d never seen him so mad, threatening to pull over if I didn’t make things right.
You can’t force a person to love someone forever, and you can’t force a person to change their behavior if they can’t see it’s broken. Pope couldn’t have done anything to make me go back. If I had, I would have faced her teary eyes and sad smile telling me that she was alright as long as I was well. She believed me when I said we were better for it, and sometimes I wished that I had picked a girl who could fight.
“He’s well. His dad too, actually. Started making deliveries to the far side of the island to make more money. By this time next year hopefully he’ll be on his way to college.”
“Well, he always was the smart one.”
She smiles underneath her mitten clad hand, looking at her feet.
“We all got lucky, you know? Having someone like him around. It’ll be weird without him around so often anymore.” My thumbs press harder into the bottoms of my pockets to savor the warmth radiating from my thighs.
“I like Pope, he always was my favorite.”
I nod, smiling into the silence again.
“Is he still your best friend, then?” She asks plainly, not really looking for much of an answer.
“No.”
She cocks her head, leaning all of her weight into the wooden door frame.
“Why’s that then? Has John B finally made you lose your mind?”
She never really did like John B. He was loyal and she respected him for it, but he was just like me. He was good but he wasn’t a good person.
“No.” I answer again, trying to hide my growing smile, “You are.”
“That’s funny.”
“It wasn’t a joke.”
She laughs through her nose.
“Yeah well, we barely talk so, I don’t think I can be your best friend.”
“Well you are.”
“Well then thats sad.” She looks at me sympathetically, sticking out her bottom lip in a pout.
“I don’t get to do this with anyone else.”
“Do what?”
“This.” I motion with my hands. “Just sit and talk, even if it’s only for a moment. I guess I just feel better around you, I can’t explain it.”
She’s nodding her head thoughtfully at my words, pulling her mittens off and holding them in one hand carefully.
“JJ.”
I hum, looking up from where I’ve began to stare a hole into my boots.
“You should come in.”
“Okay.”
It’s been too long since I’ve smelled the warmth of the inside of her home. Soft vanilla mixed with the citrus and salt that can only be found in places surrounded by ocean. Yet, I can’t find this smell in any other place. Her perfume lingers beneath the surface of the smell but I can’t quite recall the name of it anymore. It drives me crazy when everything smells like her and I go mad wondering why I would have chased after another girl when I already had her.
“Sorry for the mess.” Her house is small, maybe just a bit smaller than mine but it’s nicer than mine.
She kicks a blanket that has fallen off of the arm of her plush couch into the corner, and I pick it up.
“No, it’s perfect.”
She laughs, opening the door to her room and situating herself underneath her worn in white bed sheets. I hesitate, unsure if she’s welcoming me in with her, though I wouldn’t mind just laying on the floor. She has this soft carpet by the side of her bed that would be comfortable enough for a short time. But to my surprise she does open the bedsheets, scooting over and letting me sit underneath the thick layers.
“I still don’t forgive you, by the way.” She mumbles as I climb in beside her, crossing her arms to prove something.
“I don’t expect you to.” I smile at her, and I catch her vaguely smiling back.
Sitting waist pressed to waist, the heavy comforter weighed down by her stack of blankets piled on top shifts into a tent as she crosses her legs. She pulls it up to her chest so she can hold it under her arms and I wonder how she’s not hot even in the winter chill. I can feel my own sweat sticking to my skin underneath my clothes. Her lighter flickers beside me, a ball of smoke tumbling past her lips before she passes it to me. She lights another for herself.
I laugh at a thought I have, but it comes out stiffed with the paper caught in my mouth.
“I bet you’d pretend not to know me if we bumped into each other.”
The smoke from the blunt I dangled between my fingers disperses into the air leaving a faint smell of weed behind in its wake. I can feel it on my teeth too when I smile.
She doesn’t say anything, staring at me with a gentle smile and serious eyes. Her watchful expression makes me realize how depressing my words were and how true they could be. I swallow, looking down at where the blankets have pooled in my lap.
“Sorry.”
“I would never pretend to not know you, JJ.” She looks at me honest.
“I don’t deserve that.” I confess to no one in particular. I just say it out loud as it comes to my mind and let the reality behind it sink in like a knife to the heart.
“You did bad things.” She swallows, “But you still stuck around after. You promised to make it right and you are. I guess what you’ve done doesn’t seem so bad to me now, even if it is, is what I’m trying to say. Compared to most people, you were actually pretty nice to me.” She smiles sadly and all I want to do is to wrap her in my arms and press soft kisses along the top of her head, but it’s no longer my place to do that and I’ve made it so.
“I wish it were different.”
“How?” She looks at me pitifully, water collecting on her lower lashes. I’m not sure where she’s put the burning paper, if it died between her manicured fingers or if she rubbed it out on one of the books beside her bed, but it’s no longer in her hands when her arms fall heavy against her duvet in defeat.
“I wish we never dated, at least not so soon.” It’s my turn to swallow now. “We would have been better for it. If we had grown up a little first.”
She shakes her head, looking back down at her covered lap.
“No, I don’t think so.”
“Why?”
“I think we’d grow, but not by much. Growth doesn’t fully change a person and by facing adulthood I don’t think it would have made us end any differently. At the end of the day I’ll still turn to my cigarettes and you’ll still be drunk in the boneyard talking to some pretty tourist.”
“Well I like to think so.”
“And I think you’re naive for it.”
By now the smoke has dwindled down to fog around the room and the old blunt has died out between my index and my thumb.
“I would have done it differently.”
She hums, tell me more, it says.
“I would have bought you flowers. Not only on the special days but just because I love you. Wouldn’t need a reason to show it to you and I wouldn’t be stupid enough to run away from you either.”
I could list everything I could have done better for her endlessly but it doesn’t change the fact that it’s been done.
“We’re still so young, it’s hard to know where things start to go wrong.” She tries to reason, and our eyes avoid the others wearily.
Neither of us talk, listening to the whistling wind banging on the large windows and feeling the faint chill seeping through the walls.
“I don’t drink anymore.” She looks at me.
“Good for you.”
“I do stupid things when I get drunk, I get sloppy I suppose. Talk to people I shouldn’t, hate the wrong people and make everyone feel bad. I don’t really like that feeling. I don’t like being a bad person.” I confess, looking at her and remembering how she’s confirmed my deepest fears without knowing.
“You can be intense but eventually you mellow out and you’re okay again.” She shrugs.
“I know, and I know everybody knows I don’t mean it but if I can prevent it I will.”
She nods again, eyebrows furrowing and her teeth catching her bottom lip. She looks to me with a serious expression.
“What about you. Would you love me if you met me now?” She asks.
“I’ll always love you.”
“But if you didn’t know me, if you didn’t love me. If I was just some girl you’d seen on the beach or in town. Would you be able to love me then?”
“Eventually, yes.” I admit. “I like to think that in some fucked up way you were made for me.”
She smiles at that, picking at her nails shyly.
“Yeah?” She looks up at me with shy eyes.
“Yeah.”
The grass under my feet is soggy, but the warm sun beating down on our shoulders slowly dries it and the dripping leaves above us too. It wasn’t a long winter, but it never really is here. Spring had rolled around just a few months ago with endless showers and relentless sunshine following behind it. Pollen dances in the air in a heavy dusting and the bees have begun picking out the prettiest flowers and the early summer air hangs humid around us.
“You disappeared for a while.” Her hands fold underneath her elbows. She’s swapped out her heavy cardigans for graphic baby tees and faded jeans. Her hair is lighter now than it was in the winter, and she has more freckles on her face.
“It’s only been a few weeks.” She looks at me and I swear I can’t read her so I clear my throat.
“I picked up some shifts with Pope. Trying to save up some money so I can finally do something with myself I guess. You know, I was never really the smartest with my money.” She laughs.
“Sorry, I don’t mean to be annoying. Just…missed you is all.” She smiles up at me with a look I haven’t seen in some time.
“You could never be annoying.”
“It’s funny because I was over here thinking that you probably hate me. It’s kind of pathetic because you weren’t really gone for long, but you’re really the only person who still talks to me.”
She leans back against the old wood of her house, her face finding shade underneath the small overhang of her porch.
“I never hated you. I could never hate you. I think you’re really awesome.” I confess and it makes me feel a rush when I say it.
Y/n swallows hard and I can see her smile falter when she looks back up.
“Well…I like you.”
“I like you too.”
She smiles at me and I can’t tell if it’s the birth of exclusivity or friendship blossoming between us.
“I wish I could read your mind.” She mumbles out, stepping closer.
“Why?”
“You’re confusing.”
“Well, I don’t think I am. Maybe you’re confusing yourself.”
“No, it’s definitely you.” She smiles.
“I saw Kiara last week, while you were away. I thought about asking about you but then I figured it might have been weird because it wasn’t really my business. But then I noticed she was wearing my old shirt. I knew it was mine because I used to leave it at your house when we would fall asleep before I could crawl out the window. I never took it back and she was wearing it.” She breathed through her nose, “I guess I was just confused why you kept it. I mean, we agreed that we were better for it, you were so convinced that if we saw other people we would be so much happier. You saw another girl all summer, so I guess it just confused me why you wouldn’t have tossed it.”
“Maybe I wanted an excuse to see you again.”
“See, you’re confusing.”
“I don’t get your point.”
She huffs, hanging her shoulders and rolling her eyes.
“Someone who falls in love with someone else doesn’t keep their ex girlfriend’s shirt, they don’t worry about the next time they’ll run into each other.”
“Maybe I was just being a good friend.” I shrug, smiling as I stuff my hands into my pockets.
“Don’t do that.”
“Do what!” I throw my arms up playfully and I can see how hard she’s fighting against a smile.
“Well were you? Being a good friend, that is?”
I shrug.
“Maybe, I’m not sure. I mean, I guess I never really thought about throwing it out because I was so used to you being there. You never said you wanted it back so, I never asked you. It’s funny too because when Kiara found it, she told me the same thing. She said it was stupid of me to keep something that wasn’t mine and took it. But I guess she didn’t have the heart to give it back to you either.” I find myself rambling.
“What if I wanted it back now?”
“Well do you?”
She shakes her head and all of our words seem to die on our tongues.
“She never stayed the night, by the way.”
“What?”
“The girl, the one I saw this summer.”
“Oh.” I see her cringing at the mere mention of the girl, Amanda, I think was her name but the whole summer was a drunken blur and the only times I ever saw her was after I was six shots deep and in need of a distraction.
After a five day bender and the hard reality of sobriety I came to my senses, she was nothing more than sex. Still, explaining that to Y/n wouldn’t have helped my case. It would have only made both of us feel bad. I left her for another girl who I didn’t even really like and nobody knew why.
“I don’t think it’s important, but I thought you’d want to know.”
“I’m not mad anymore, about her.”
“Well are you still hurt?” She looks at me through her lashes, index fingers picking at the skin around her thumbs.
“Sorry, stupid question.”
“It doesn’t hurt as much anymore.”
“But I still hurt you?”
“JJ.” She sighs, hands finding their way around her stomach.
“I still feel like kicking myself every time I think about it. You were always so good to me, you are. You let me into your house and you give me all these chances even after I fucked it all up. I don’t know why I did it, and I hate myself for it everyday.”
It goes silent for what feels like the millionth time today.
“I don’t know what you want me to say.” She looks at me carefully, fingers pulling at the fabric around her waist like it’s suffocating her.
“I don’t expect you to say anything.”
She nods, “Okay.”
“Do you think you’ll ever forgive me?”
Theres a pause, and her eyes move back like she’s thinking really hard for her answer.
“I already have.”
Her words don’t give me the clarity I hoped they would. In fact, they make me feel worse. Even after I hurt her, left her alone for something not even half as good. I played two girls in the span of three months and I paid little to no consequences. She let me show her how sorry I was when she shouldn’t have and now all I can picture is her sorry face when I told her it was over for the first time.
“Do you think I’m naive for it?” She asks quietly.
“For forgiving me?”
“No.” She shakes her head. “For falling in love with you again.” I don’t know how to answer her when she consistently leaves me speechless.
“I don’t know.” I look her, hoping to find an answer. “How do you feel about it?”
“I don’t know, thats my issue. I can look back on something and think I know what I felt at the time but, I don’t know. When it’s actually happening, I guess I have no idea how I feel or how to think.”
“Then how do you know you love me?”
“I don’t know. I never have a clue. I guess I just feel different around you than most people. But it’s not as obvious as other people make it sound, it’s the little things.” She confesses.
“I can tell you how I feel, if that would help.”
“Okay.” She nods.
I take a second to gather what I have to say in an effort to avoid some sort of word vomit from spewing out, but it’s to no avail.
“I thought you were shy when I first met you. Normally for me, I wouldn’t stick around for long because even with talkative people I find myself annoying. I hate the sound of my voice after some time. I figured I’d grow tired of my own voice quickly with you.”
Y/n looks at me, trying to figure me out.
“But you’re really not all that shy, you’re just careful. You think before you speak and maybe that’s why you don’t do a lot of it. Because you know what and when to say things and what sounds bad before you say it. You never know how you feel, but you know what you think and I think thats twice as important. Our conversations were different because of that. I could talk for hours and because I was talking to you I never focused on the sound of my voice or how tired I was of hearing it, I only thought of you. I guess that’s the scary part of it all, falling in love, that is. You don’t know you’ve done it until you try to think of something else and you realize you haven’t even tried to think of anything else without everything leading back to that one person.”
“That’s kind of scary to think about.” She laughs half heartedly.
“Because it is. That’s the fucked up thing about it all, nobody tells you that falling in love is more of developing an obsession to another person. It’s wanting to be around them all the time and praying every second you’re away from them that they’ll come around again soon. It’s the inability to let go after you swore to yourself you were done and it’s why I keep coming back to you.”
Theres a pause. I don’t realize how red my face has gotten until I stop talking.
“I think we’re probably just sick.” She smiles with her teeth, pushing my shoulder back to walk past me. We’ve left her front lawn so many times before. I’ve chased her across her lawn and rolled with her in the weeds, but I’ve grown so used to the faint glowing of her front porch lights and the flickering of the fairy lights strung across the door that it always catches me off guard when she moves away from the doorway.
“I think you’re probably right.”
“Then maybe we shouldn’t be together, then. Maybe you were right. We were better for it.”
“Well, I don’t think that’s true.”
“How could you not? You said it so you must believe in it.”
Shes playing with me and she knows it. Even though Y/n claims she’s hurting less and less the more we open up, I can tell theres still a wound bleeding somewhere deep, someplace within her that likes to see me frantic.
“Maybe I did then, but I don’t now.”
“Why?”
“Well, then you were just my girlfriend.”
“And I’m your ex now, so I guess it’s probably worse.”
It’s my turn to laugh now.
“No. I think it’s different now because I’m not only in love with you, but I love you.” I feel like I’m seven again, running around the blacktop and chasing around Y/n and tugging her by her pigtails. I feel like I’ve just confessed my school crush to her and it’s thrilling but horrifying all at once.
“Do you love me enough to be honest with me?” She smiles wider.
“I love you enough to do just about anything for you.”
“Did you ever see me in her?”
Somehow every time it gets good I am reminded of my past. It’s my karma. I’ve hurt her so it only makes sense for her to want to know everything before I earn her heart again.
“All the time.”
For the first time in forever, she steps closer, her hands resting on my waist gently and her breathing shallow against my neck.
“How?” Our noses practically touch when I look down at her.
“She was quiet, careful. She was never as smart as you but if I was drunk enough I could have made up anything. You guys would have been best friends, I’m convinced, if it were a different lifetime. Same jokes, same hobbies. The only difference was her heart.”
I find my hands threading themselves between the stray hairs by her neck, and I can see how her eyes relax the closer I inch towards her.
“You were much softer than she was, and I realized then that I only really ever wanted her because she reminded me so much of you. And it’s weird because I already had you.”
For a second I think she’s going to kiss me, and for a second I know she thinks so too. But her hands slip away from mine and her head ducks beneath my hands to unthread them from her hair to get away. She’s clearing her throat and mumbling soft apologies as she makes her way back up to the porch.
I feel angry, and I know it’s not my right to. I had her and I lost her through my own actions. I have no one else to blame. Yet, I find myself feeling vulnerable in a way I’ve never felt it before. It makes me feel sick knowing how close we got to fixing things and how quickly it was stripped away. I feel useless, and I figure it must be how Y/n felt when I left her and told her it was for the best.
“So that’s it then? What, we just tell each other we love each other and we pretend it never happened?”
“JJ, please.”
I can tell shes tired, conflicted over her own actions, but I can’t wait any longer to figure it out.
“I know it’s my fault but I’m trying to fix it, fix us! I miss you, more than anything and I can’t talk to anyone like I talk to you. I don’t know what else to say, Y/n. I love you, I love you so much it drives me crazy and I fucking miss what we had.”
She doesn’t say anything.
“JJ, I told you when you first came around. You knew this. I won’t fight for us, I can’t do that again.”
“So then why do you let me stick around?”
“Someone ought to hold you to your words. If you’re going to stay, then stay but I won’t fight for you if you leave.”
“Well I wish you would.” I can feel myself growing angry. I wish I didn’t get that from my father, his temper. I wish I was more like Y/n, more level headed and calm. But I was born angry and I am because I remember the way I ended things and I remember how quickly she accepted it.
“You lost that privilege when you left me for her.”
“Don’t throw that at me, we both know you couldn’t even argue with me then!”
“How could I, JJ? You’d made up your mind, why should I stick around if you’ve gotten eyes for someone else?” Her throat is scratchy, she doesn’t even have to look at me for me to know she’s trying not to cry. I want to beg her not to, because I know I won’t be able to withstand her wet doe eyes, but I’ve done it to myself.
“You know that’s not what happened, I told you what happened!” I feel the way we’re both growing tired. We get good and we fall apart.
“If you want to talk, we can talk but I can’t give you what you want. I can’t fight for someone who’s not even mine.”
“So then you want to see other people?”
“I never said that.”
“Well you implied it.”
She doesn’t say anything, shoulders shaking over the old railings of her porch. Her breathing is heavy but she doesn’t speak.
“So I guess if you want to see other people, then we should see other people.”
“Do what you want JJ, but just don’t come back here.”
She doesn’t mean it, we both know she doesn’t. She told me months ago she would never love me again, and though she has grown to find room in her heart for me, she’ll never let me see her vulnerable again.
I can feel the dirt coating my socks as it kicks up behind me. I’m not walking fast, but it feels like it with how dizzy I’m getting. Her door shuts with a slam and I swear I can hear a faint cry echo through her kitchen. But I’ll never know because I was too careless to try and knock.
It’s a different girl every time, but they’re all the same. John B gave me shit for it last summer when it first ended. I claimed to be chasing something better but they were all just different versions of the same girl.
There was always something off, the hair, the smile, the laugh. But if I drank enough and squinted hard enough I could almost see Y/n again and it would help convince myself that I was fine with her absence.
I find the fog of the early summer bonfires to be suffocating now, even with the solo cup in my hand and consistent pats on my back from classmates and old friends. I’ve flirted with half the island by now, I’m sure of it, and I probably look a mess but the tourist in front of me doesn’t seem to mind.
She looks like my Y/n too, they both like the same music. I wonder if I’ll accidentally call her the wrong name later tonight.
I told Y/n I stopped drinking, but I never promised it to her. So I suppose that’s how I ended up back where I started, trying to drown out my own issues with a warm beverage and a random girl.
I haven’t really been listening to what she has to say, I can only wonder what Y/n would think about her and if she would approve. It makes me feel sick knowing how many people I hurt in the process of healing, and I wonder if you can even consider it healing at this point.
“JJ!” A soft voice breaks through a loud crowd, dashing through the center of a bonfire to find me hanging back along the outskirts.
The girl in front of me shoots both of us a dirty look and walks away without saying a word.
“Y/n?” My vision is blurry and I wonder if it’s really her or if I’ve drank far too much.
“You’re drunk.”
“What?” The cup in my hand finds its way into the hot sand and over the intense stench of alcohol I can smell the welcoming scent of her perfume.
“Do you take me as a joke?” Her eyes are watering, shaky fingers wrapped around my wrists. I can see the faint flickering of the bonfire illuminating the side of her face. She looks so pretty like this, so tired.
“What the fuck are you on about, Y/n?”
“I let you into my home, into my bed; my bed!” She restlessly pokes her finger into her chest, clammy hands gripping onto my skin harder than ever.
“Well I didn’t make you!”
“You didn’t make it easy either!” She shoots daggers in my direction, stray looks from passersby’s tell us to quiet down.
“Yeah whatever.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” She all but begs.
“You could have any boyfriend you want, you know. Boy’s are consistently falling in love with you, from what I’ve heard.” I slur, my right foot falling in front of my left and still Y/n holds me in place.
“Stop that, stop it now JJ I don’t like it.” She pleads through her gritted teeth.
“Right.” I roll my eyes.
“You don’t hate me. You told me so when I asked you, you even told me you liked me so stop being mean.”
“Maybe I’m just immune to you.” I try and joke through foggy memories and a sloppy smile, “Because I knew you before, in school when you still wore pigtails.”
“Right, when I was ugly and pathetic? You obviously don’t know me now JJ if you’re acting this way.” I ignore her insults, I couldn’t even process them if I tried.
“No, you were never ugly or pathetic.”
She looked at me, confused, not sure where this fight is leading us and unsure if we’d ever bounce back from it. Even sober our conversation is unclear, weaving between different topics and creating sore spots that’ll surely kill us soon.
“I know I’d be a shit boyfriend if I were yours. I’d rather anyone else, even the guys on figure eight who spit on me when I walk by.”
“JJ, you’re drunk, let me take you home, we can figure it all out soon.” My hands rip themselves from her grip, stumbling back into the sand.
“Why do you care so much JJ? Let me take you home, we can talk in the morning.”
“Because I’m selfish and even though I know you’d be happier without me I can’t even stand the thought of you being happy with anyone else but me.” Looking at my feet, I feel the tears falling from my eyes onto my feet buried in the sand. “Y/n I need to know if you love me or not.”
Neither of us can speak, and it feels like everyone around us can’t seem to find the words to explain out situation either.
“JJ.” She pleads softly.
“I probably should have mentioned this before, but I was seeing someone.”
“I know.”
“No, you don’t.”
Y/n doesn’t say anything, she doesn’t even breathe, and the quiet is so loud that I can’t help the drunken rambling that leaves my mouth. “That girl, I can’t remember her name now, but the one I had last summer, I saw her up until the fall. I asked her out too. Should have mentioned that before but then again, I feel like you hardly ever let me in anymore so.” I shrug, and because of the way my eyes so heavily avoided her’s I almost missed the way she looked at me like I was poison.
“I called her by your name, that’s why she said no.”
The world seems to fall quiet around us, stray smoke from the nearby fire weaving between us and sticking in our hair and on our clothes.
“Why are you telling me this? Is it because you’re trying to be such a good friend, is that it, JJ?”
“No—yes, I don’t know, I just needed to tell you.”
Her sniffles are deafening, I feel sicker than before hearing her fighting her tears.
“Oh god, oh my god!” Her hands cover her face, pulling down until her hands clasp tightly over her quivering mouth.
“I’m sorry, I want to fix things, I thought if I told you, you would like me better!” I try to rationalize but she only shakes her head.
“I thought it would be different, you know? I really did believe you when you said we were better for it, having taken a break to grow and learn. But I’m just as naive as I was when I was yours and I’m just as stupid for taking you back!” She spits it like venom, still backing away.
“You said it yourself, I’m not a good person.”
“That doesn’t mean I didn’t believe you could be one.”
It’s quiet again between us, and her touch on my skin lingers like a tattooed kiss, her words replaying in my mind.
Y/n believed we could work it out, but she was smarter than I was and more careful too. She knew better than to chase after something that was never meant to work out.
“I do love you, I really do. What we had, what we have done. We’ve done so much good for one another.”
“No, no.” I try to follow her, but my feet fail me. I fan barely walk straight, let alone chase her.
“You know I love you, Y/n, you have to. I’m never going to feel the same way I feel for you for anybody else.”
She looks at me and it tells me everything I need to know.
I can promise her all my love and all my heart but it’ll never make us right, not ever again.
When she leaves, it’s quietly, the frame of her body losing its color in the darkness of the early summer night. It reminds me a lot of how this all started, and I feel sick.
I could stay as long as I wanted, but the truth was my devotion did not matter anymore, because she was always destined to go.
#jj maybank x y/n#jj mayback imagine#jj maybank fluff#jj mayback x reader#jj maybank x you#jjmaybank#jj maybank x reader#jj maybank#jjmaybankangst
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you belong with me
pairing: jj maybank x bestfriend!reader
summary: reader is in love with jj, but jj’s dating another girl…
warnings: unmutual pining, minor profanity, poorly edited, cliffhanger (sorry i got lazy), short pt. 2 if people want it idk, little angst and fluff
approx. reading time: 8 minutes and 30 seconds
writing inspo: you belong with me (taylor’s version) by taylor swift
masterlist :)
“wait what?” i exclaimed. i was sitting in sarah’s room listening to her talk about her day at the beach with the pogues.
“yes i swear! he brought emily there and had his arm wrapped around her and everything! didn’t even surf, which is crazy for jj.”
“so he must be serious about this girl, right?” i sighed as i layed on her bed. i couldn’t believe it. jj maybank? in a relationship with a kook girl?
“i mean i don’t know much. but if i’m being honest, he didn’t seem that interested in her.” she talked as she curled her hair for her date with john b. i stayed silent. i couldn’t believe it.
————————————————————————————
“hey y/n!” i stopped in my tracks. i knew that voice all too well. and it was the voice of someone i had been ignoring for the past two weeks. i turned slowly to face him.
“hey.” i said looking at the floor. purposely avoiding eye contact. it wasn’t that i didn’t want to see jj, i did. but it hurt to know he was dating someone else. especially emily, someone who was drastically different from me, from all the pogues to be honest.
“i feel like i haven’t seen you in forever. what’s up with that? sarah told me you’ve been sick, but i told her that was bullshit. you haven’t gotten sick since like the 3rd grade.” he grabbed me by the shoulders playfully. i look up to see emily staring at me from the bar.
“uh yeah. i don’t know what happened. probably got it from my parents after they came back from new york.” it was a lie. my parents hadn’t been to new york in ages.
with emily giving me a death stare and jj touching me, i was feeling claustrophobic and a little freaked out, “anyways look i’ll see you later. i have to get home and get some homework done.” i turn around and start walking before he can begin a sentence.
————————————————————————————
you're on the phone with your girlfriend, she's upset
she's going off about something that you said
‘cause she doesn't get your humor like I do
my eyes were closed while i sunbathed on the beach before i was interrupted by another call on my phone.
jj <3 - 3 missed calls
jj <3 - calling now
“hello?”
“y/n? y/n! hey how- how are you doing?” he stutters a bit.
“hey i’m doing fine? are you okay? you sound a little weird.”
“i’m good just pissed at emily.” he huffed.
“ahh emily. so how is your new girlfriend?”
“she’s pissed at me for some lame joke i made with pope. and she called attacking me and shit because i was being a douchebag or something.”
“ha what else is new.” i joke. and he laughs which stops my heart for a minute. i pause then ask,
“what was the joke?” i ask, curious to know why emily would be so upset.
“i told her the dress she was wearing looked like a hospital gown and she got all pissed. wasn’t even a good joke…” he mumbled.
i laughed, he was right. it wasn’t, i could think of thousands of jokes better, but i could tell it must’ve been an attempt to make emily and pope laugh.
“i guess she doesn’t get your humor.”
“guess not…” he sighs then starts again,
“hey l was wondering if you wanted to hang out later. i don’t know i’ve been feeling really distant from you recently.
“yeah i’m sorry about that, um so like with the pogues or…?”
“nah just yo- sorry hold that thought emily’s calling me and i really don’t want to make her more mad. i’ll call you back.”
he never called back.
————————————————————————————
im in the room, it's a typical tuesday night
im listening to the kind of music she doesn't like
and she'll never know your story like I do
a week had passed and he still hadn’t called me. i wasn’t even trying to ignore him anymore, he just was never around. school had ended and summer break had finally begun. and still no call.
as i layed on my bed and sang along to “the blue” by gracie abrams, sarah tries convincing me to talk to jj.
“why don’t you just call him? see what’s up? it’s not like him to be this distant. it’s with john b too, hasn’t been to the chateau recently. and you know how his dad is.”
“a shitty father is what he is.” i spit out. even though i was irritated at jj for not even trying to keep any communication between any of the pogues my hatred for luke will always be worse.
i sit up, “look he’s probably fine and with emily. i’ll talk to john b to get him to chill. but honestly i don’t think jj wants to keep contact with any of us. if he wanted to he would have.”
“i don’t know, you should call him. emily has like tied him up all for herself. have you noticed that?”
but she wears short skirts, I wear t-shirts
shes cheer captain and im on the bleachers
dreaming 'bout the day when you wake up and find
that what you're looking for has been here the whole time
“i mean i think everyone has. or that fact that she’s nothing like any of us and exactly like the type of girl he would make fun of.”
“a kook princess, like what i was.”
“exactly. i don’t want to judge him but why would he go into a relationship with someone who he so obviously doesn’t like?”
“something is up y/n. go figure it out.” she grabbed my car keys and pushed me out the door.
————————————————————————————
standing by and waiting at your back door
all this time, how could you not know, baby?
you belong with me, you belong with me
i take a deep breathe before knocking at his door.
no response. i knock again.
“hello! anyone home?”
“shut the hell u- y/n?” jj opens the door.
“hi- hey i just came to check on you. can i come in?”
he turns back, no doubt looking for his father. “probably not the best idea.”
“yeah- yeah uh wanna go to mine? so we can talk?” he nods and shuts the door behind him. he doesn’t make eye contact but all i can do is stare at the blood on his face and knuckles.
oh, I remember you driving to my house
in the middle of the night
im the one who makes you laugh
when you know you're 'bout to cry
and I know your favorite songs
and you tell me 'bout your dreams
think I know where you belong
think I know it's with me
i unlock my house from the back door to hopefully not make as much noise. my parents couldn’t find out i was sneaking in a boy in the middle of the night. i hurriedly close the door to my room and turn to him.
“are you okay?” i spill out.
“yes.” he’s quiet, that’s not the jj i know.
“you know you can talk to us, right? like any of the pogues, we’re here for you. i’m here for you.” i move closer and touch the blood on his forehead, and he winces. his head is sticky, like if he had been sweating. and i can’t decide whether it’s because of the humidity or if he was fighting with his father. probably both.
“luke?” he just nods. my heart breaks for him. i grab his hand and let him sit on my bed. i grab my first aid kit and rubbing alcohol and get to work on the blood and bruises on his hand and knuckles.
we sit in comfortable silence. but it was mostly me waiting to see if he was going to talk about his dad.
“i didn’t want to ignore you guys.” he speaks so low, i almost couldnt hear him. i kneel down so i can look at his face.
“then why did you?”
“i- i told my dad something, stupid i know. but he blew up on me a couple weeks ago. told me his boss had a nice daughter named emily my age. said if i could get with her, he’d get more money or some shit. i don’t know i guess i wanted to make him proud. so i- i started dating her. kept fucking it up and he would beat the shit out of me. didn’t want you guys to see me like that.”
i sighed. my hands were holding his for comfort. something we’d done since we were kids but felt really unfamiliar now.
“what’d you tell your dad to make him set you up with emily?”
he coughed, “told’m that i loved someone.”
my heart dropped for the second time in two months. why did i even think for a second that’d i’d have a chance? i told myself we belonged together.
“oh.” i got up and released my hands from his. suddenly feeling very uncomfortable. i cleared my throat.
“um well, i have some sleeping bags in my closet and if you want you can sleep in my bed or um whatever feels more com-“
“i told him i loved you.”
#jj maybank#obx#obx fanfiction#obx cast#obx fic#jj mayback imagine#jj mayback x reader#you belong with me#fearless#fearless taylor’s version#taylor swift#jjmaybank#outer banks#obx fan fiction#jj maybank x you#jj maybank fluff#jj maybank angst#angst#outer banks jj#jj outer banks#obx imagine#obx netflix#obx jj#obx3#obx season 3
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Guilty
Paring(s): JJ maybank x fem!reader
Summary: it didn't matter that she did everything for him. it didn't matter that she loved him. insecurities ruin a great thing, love can't fix these problems
Authors note: angsty angsty angsty, bad JJ
Song rec: grave by tate mccrae
Part 2: Wanted
Perfect.
Everything had to be perfect.
The perfect dress. The perfect makeup. The perfect boy.
The past several days were borderline catastrophic with JJ getting arrested for sinking Topper’s boat. I begged and pleaded with my parents to help me get him out, promising them anything they wanted. They asked for the one thing I couldn’t give them. JJ.
And yet, I said yes. I said yes because the thought of him sitting in a cell all alone, stuck with nothing but his thoughts made my stomach turn. He’s always thought that nobody needed him. Maybe that was something his drunken father drilled into him but it was far from the truth. I needed him.
Everything had spun out of control and it all started the minute I met JJ Maybank. But I wouldn’t trade it for the world. Being with him was like walking for the first time. Nerve wracking yet exhilarating--freeing.
My life before him was just that, a life. Everything revolved around being the perfect little daughter to my parents. Debutantes, charity dinners, polo matches, and country clubs filled my schedule to the brim but they were rarely there. My mother was running a successful fashion line, working on her latest release while my father was a shark in the courtroom. While I loved every second of splurging on clothes, lavish trips to Europe, brunch at my favorite restaurant, I was missing something. I always felt like something was missing in a world where I had everything.
That’s not to say I’m ungrateful for every opportunity my position and family has afforded me. But when you spend enough time with people you realize are only conversing with you for money or to step on you to increase their social capital, nothing seems genuine.
Everything interaction was superficial and it became isolating. But with JJ, each and every moment we shared was intimate and unfeigned.
He taught me how to surf the swells he spent hours in daily. I learned the slight touch of hand in the art of being a mild kleptomaniac. After several failed attempts and many loud complaints, I could finally balance on his dirt bike.
None of these moments could be bought with money and maybe that’s why I cherished them so much. I cherished them so greatly that I refused to let them go.
And in turn, I couldn’t let him go. Despite the ever growing distance that's wedged itself between us the moment he was released from jail. Maybe it was a pride thing, or maybe it could have been the condescending jabs my dad threw his way, but JJ had pulled away.
My father's threats to revoke the bail money hung heavy above our heads. So tonight, I was going to try and change that. I needed to bridge the gap that had us so far apart. Midsummers was how I was going to achieve that.
Closing my eyes, I took a deep breath and held it for several seconds to calm my racing heart. I open them slowly, dragging my gaze along my reflection on the floor length mirror at the entrance to the club. A silky number drapes my dainty figure in the softest brush of yellow with threaded pearls as straps. Ivory satin Jimmy Choo heels from their latest collection decorated my feet.
The familiar rumble of a truck had a grin pulling at the corners of my lips. My parents were somewhere in the building, having been on the board and needed to sign off on some last minute details.
I didn’t mind the constant abandonment. The loneliness that once clung to me had slowly evaporated the moment JJ entered my world.
Grabbing my Chrsitian Dior clutch, I headed for the entrance of the Island Club. A familiar mass of shaggy blonde hair had my feet moving quicker. The minute his face came into view I knew something was wrong.
His lips were tight in a grim line as he continuously shook his head. I quickened my steps, apologizing swiftly to several people who were trying to get my attention.
“I’m sorry, sir. Are you a member here?”
“Well, no, but my girlfriend-.”
“Then I’m afraid you're going to have to turn back around. This is a private club.”
“Listen dude, my girlfriend invited me and-”
“Sir, you need to get back into your vehicle before I call security.” The coordinator, who went by Ryan, dismissed JJ without a second glance.
JJ’s eyes narrowed. “If you’d let me speak-”
“This is private property.”
“Bro, calm down. You’re not protecting the president.” JJ huffed, shoving his hands into his pocket. His cheeks tinted a slight red which had my blood boiling.
He was person. Period. One that didn't deserve to be treated like that especially in such a public setting. I was livid at the thought of Ryan managing to make JJ feel embarrassed.
“You’re not a member-”
“No, but I am.” I snapped coming to a stop beside him, causing the event coordinator to rear his head back in surprise.
“Hey, baby. ” The familiar pull of his voice coated me like the warmest honey. A smirk tugged at his lips at the obvious irritation on my face.
Pausing to give JJ my attention, I placed a soft kiss on his lips and pushed back a wild strand of blonde hair. “Hi.”
The smile he gave me was like a sudden beam of light that hit me square in the chest.
“I am so sorry. I didn’t realize he was with you-”
“Add JJ Maybank to my member account,” My words were sharp and left little room for argument, though they were dripping with the sickeningly sweet tone I mastered at the young age of twelve. “Consider yourself up to date.”
“I’ll get it done.” With that, Ryan tipped his head and left quickly.
I bristled once more, muttering under my breath, ”Dick.” My chest was heavy with guilt at his treatment, wondering if this was actually a good idea. I gnawed at my bottom lip nervously.
This was not how I wanted our night to start.
“I’ve never been a member before.”
Not bothering to conceal my giggle, I turned around and allowed my eyes to drift over every inch of JJ. The black suit I bought him was fitted and hugged every muscle in a way that had my stomach clenching.
Sun kissed hands reached for me the moment I was within his reach. My arms wrap around the mass of lean muscles, my nose buried in his neck. Taking a deep breath, salt and sex wax filled my senses and I let myself relax.
Home. He felt like home.
“You look very handsome.”
A rumble left his chest. “My sugar mama bought it for me.”
Hiding my face in his chest, a loud laugh slipped past my lips. JJ shushed me almost immediately, “People are looking. We can’t have them thinking we’re together.”
I pulled away, trying to keep a straight face at his antics. “We are together.”
“Shit, we are?” He held out his hand, amusement and mischief dancing in his eyes. “My sugar mama can’t find out or she’ll cut me off.”
How could I not love him when he made me laugh so hard my stomach hurt?
I hit his arm with my purse in mock outrage before taking his hand while his other touched my bare back. The feel of his rough calloused hands from all his hard work has me suck in a breath. Those rough hard hands knew my body intimately, inside and out.
“Do that again and I’m finding the nearest bathroom.” JJ leaned down, his lips brushing against the top of my ear.
A clearing of the throat had us both turning our heads. My father stood there with a stoic face, his eyes promising retribution later.
Looking at my father directly in the eye, I place my arm in the crook of his, lacing us together.
“I see you brought a friend.” The last word is spoken with clear disdain.
My grip on JJ’s arm tightened. “I brought my boyfriend.”
“We’ll talk about this later.”
As if they’d actually be home, I thought but decided to keep that to myself.
Deciding that this entire conversation was pointless, I was dragging JJ away from the pair when my father grabbed JJ, whispering something in his ear.
My stomach shrunk and apprehension filled me as the light look of JJ’s face fell, replaced with a flat look and hardened eyes.
“Duly noted, sir.” His mouth curled in a sarcastic snark.
I shot my father a disappointed look. Curling myself into JJ’s side, my arm wrapped around his waist and I tugged us into the party. “Ignore him, please.”
“Already forgotten, princess.”
My eyes watch his face for any sign of distress, but find nothing. Guilt ebbed aways at my walls.
“Let’s go find Mr. Adams. He owns a chain of surf shops. I’m sure if we schmooze him, we can get you a solid job or maybe even a board.” I tossed him a wink that had him grinning.
“I like the way you think. Lead the way, gorgeous.”
Despite his hand on my back, all the warmth we had a mere moments ago was gone. I couldn’t help but notice the small distance he kept between us. One that didn’t exist until my father opened his mouth.
Several hours later, the sun had begun to set and a cool breeze now caressed my bare back. I embraced the cool breeze due to the several glasses of champagne I had.
Despite my love for the warm buzz it gave me, it did little for my bladder. “I’ll be right back.”
His eyes widened in alarm. “You can’t leave me here with these people.”
I smothered my laugh with my hand. “Did you want to come with me?”
“To the bathroom? Kinky, I’m in.” JJ responded, clutching my hand in his before expertly pulling us through the crowd.
Nothing could peel off the cheesy smile that bore my face. Despite the slight hiccup at the beginning of the night, JJ charmed most of the members with his charm and humor. I was hoping with some networking, I could help JJ get some security. I believed he was capable of doing just about anything. He had such determination and never let failure keep him down.
JJ knew how to hussle and I wanted everyone to see his potential, even if at times he didn’t see it himself.
My heels clicked along the granite floor, our hands swinging in the air. A shriek escaped my lips as JJ twirls me around, my dress swishing around my ankles. “Gorgeous.” He puffed out his cheeks, his gaze boring into mine.
Our matching grins were nothing short of radiant. Being with him was easy in a world filled with difficult people.
“Well this is disgusting.”
JJ went rigid. That wouldn’t have concerned me if he hadn’t muttered panicked curses under his breath. “If someone says one more thing to me..”
JJ never let Rafe intimidate him before but for some reason JJ seemed a little more hesitant with this exchange. Realization dawned on me. The boat. Fuck.
I let my hands fall while rolling my eyes and turning to face Rafe. There he stood in all his stuck up glory, not a hair out of place and his suit neatly pressed. He looked every bit of a country member as one could possibly be with the light blue suit paired with a white undershirt and blue bow tie, brown dress shoes on his feet.
“Don’t you have another line to snort?” I asked.
Sure, Rafe was conventionally attractive, if you didn’t pay attention to the blown pupils and the constant brush of his nose or the foggy look in his eyes.
JJ snickered beside me, his hand softly tapping my ass twice in support.
“JJ, go get me a drink.” Rafe cocked his head.
“I’m actually a member here now.” JJ responded, his hand caressed my cheek softly.
Shocked painted Rafe’s face. “That’s not poss-”
Kelce and Topper stood beside him, both in colored pressed suits as well. They kind of looked like the-”You powerpuff girls have fun.” JJ said with a crooked smile and a tip of the hat.
He seized me by the wrist and strode over to the exit. Relief at his plan to avoid a fight was fleeting at Rafe’s next words.
“If I knew a trailer home and food stamps was all it took for you to open your legs, I would have tried a long time ago.”
JJ jerked around in seconds, ripping out of my grip. He stalked towards Rafe, drawing his arm back before connecting with his jaw.
A shout passed my lips, my hands covering my mouth in horror as JJ struck Rafe twice more, one blow hitting him directly on the nose. Blood began to gush out of Rafe’s nose, staining his dress shirt a deep crimson. “Say that shit again. Say it.”
Rafe let out a mirthless laugh, his lips pulled at the sides revealing his red stained teeth. “Once a pogue, always a pogue. Isn’t that right, JJ?”
Kelce jumped into action, his arm wrapping around JJ’s neck, pulling him off a Rafe into an effective headlock. That’s when I noticed two more hulking figures and suddenly we were surrounded.
“Five on one, Rafe? Really?” JJ choked out, tugging at Kelce’s arm.
Without thinking, I walked behind Kelce and slammed the metal clasp of the bag against the side of his head. Once. Twice. Three times. “Let go of him!”
Kelce let out a yelp and jerked back, causing his grip on JJ to loosen just enough for him to get free. I went towards him in an instant, but he pushed me behind him as he surveyed the remaining men in front of us.
Whispers dragged my attention from the scene in front of me as I locked eyes with several members who had poked their heads into the locker area. Shit, this really wasn’t good. I needed to get JJ out of here as soon as possible. I didn’t want to give my father any more ammunition against him.
Clutching his arm, I tugged him once more towards the exit. I could hear more activity outside the locker room which had me pulling at him harder. I wasn’t going to let Rafe make him look bad in front of all these influential people. Over my dead body.
“People are coming. We have to go.”
His chest rose and fell with quick breaths, his steele blue gaze not leaving Rafe’s.
“I’m serious. For me, JJ, please?” My final plea seemed to have pulled him out of his angry haze. Without wasting a second, he let me pull him further and further away from the group. Lacing his hand in mine, I made quick work of fixing his suit and his hair, pressing soft kisses as I went.
“Whenever you’re done slumming it, you know where I am.” Rafe called out from behind us, earning us enough leers from fellow members.
He tore his hand from mine. “Fuck this.”
Apprehension coursed through me.
I could feel the storm brewing with each step he took. I trailed behind, my small steps nothing to his long strides. Rafe hit a nerve. One that JJ refused to acknowledge and let fester for months now. It was the elephant in the room any time I offered to pay anything at all. It bothered him, all the money my family had.
“Ignore him, Jayj.” I called out from behind him but his steps never faltered. “Rafe was just trying to get a reaction out of you.”
I could hear the soft melody of the music drifting over the wind from the party that was supposed to fix all our problems. Perhaps I was sticking a bandaid on a gaping wound.
His shoulders were tense as he stopped a couple feet in front of me, shaking his head. Nerves had my stomach in knots. I only had one shot at trying to fix this. Feelings were never JJ’s thing. He spent months fighting our attraction before he finally gave in. Dating a Kook was never something JJ considered.
Unfortunately, it was something others thought as well because they never failed to remind him. My father included.
So here we are. JJ was backed into a corner and like any wounded animal, he had two choices. He could concede or attack and I knew JJ like the back of my hand. He would never give up, so instead he’d go for the throat.
Too bad it was my throat he went for.
“I understand-” I stopped speaking the moment JJ whipped around, his eyes cutting me deeply.
“You don’t.” I didn’t respond. My eyes lingered on his busted lip and bruised chiseled face. “You don’t understand so please don’t try to make me feel better by pretending that you do.”
I pursed my lips. JJ was right, I didn’t understand what it was like to be in his position, but that didn’t mean I didn’t care. That I didn’t want to take away every ounce of pain if it meant he would be happy.
“You’re right. But Jayj, it’s Rafe.” I argued softly, not wanting to draw attention to us. “He always says shit like that to rile you up but you’ve never let it bother you before. Why now?”
JJ’s face flushed. “Because he’s fucking right. That’s why it bothers me.”
My lips wobbled and I pressed them together. I had gone out of my way to ensure he’d never feel this way. I guess I failed.
I moved closer, my steps unsure and clumsy. “You never said anything.”
My hand rested against his chest, and I could feel the familiar pounding of his heart.
“That’s nothing new.” He lifted his shoulder in a half shrug.
That did little to ease the emotional storm brewing within me. Every interaction since he was little was nothing short of violent and negligent.
He wasn’t used to softness and kindness. We were trying to navigate in uncharted waters but we’re thrown off the boat every time the water got choppy.
“We can go. Let’s just go, baby. Let me just say bye to my parents-“
“Stop.” He demanded, his tone serve. So unlike JJ.
I dropped my hand and instead chose to focus on the sound of our breathing. I had to keep my head on straight, because I could tell he was already building up his wall so high, making his fortress impenetrable.
JJ had never had a consistent thing in his life and I’ll be damned if I let that happen to us.
Squaring my shoulders back, I faced his heated gaze head on. If he wanted an argument, he’d get one, but we’d both be leaving together.
I had no intention of going anywhere.
“Stop?” I echoed, raising my brow.
His eyes were as cold and hard as obsidian. “Yes, stop. How is leaving going to solve any of this?”
“You’re picking a fight with me for no reason. I’m not the one you’re mad at.”
JJ raked his fingers through the sun bleached golden strands causing them to fall along his forehead. “Maybe I am.”
My eyes widened at his words. What had I done? He’d shared every bit of his world with me and I only wanted to do the same.
Was that not what people do when they’re in love? Aren’t you supposed to share your interests with your partner and aren’t they supposed to want to know them?
“For what?”
He tugged at his shirt collar. “Why am I here?”
My brows furrowed in confusion. Why would he even ask that?
“Why am I here, at this Midsummer's bullshit?”
“Because I wanted you to be.” I smoothed out my hair to give my trembling hands something to do. “It’s something that matters to me, it’s not bullshit.”
I had spent months planning this party since my parents were on the board. I wanted everything to be perfect for them and for him. It all seemed silly now. A part of that stung deep in my soul. Bullshit was never a word I used to describe any of the interests he showed me, yet he so easily spouted it at me.
JJ stayed quiet but continued to fidget with the silver ring on his finger. I wanted to close the distance between us but didn’t know how.
“Don’t let Rafe of all people ruin this. His opinion means nothing.”
He lifted his chin. “It matters to your dad.”
I barely held back my wince. “He doesn’t get a say in who I date, JJ.”
“Oh, are we lying to each other now?”
“W-What do you mean?”
“Are we going to pretend that you don’t care about what your parents think?”
I took a step back as though he hit me. “Stop talking before you say something you’ll regret.”
“Everything you do is to get their attention. You’d die without their approval.”
In a manner of speaking, he was right. My parents barely paid me an ounce of attention and it was hard not to think it had to do with me. There must have been something wrong with me for my parents to not want to spend time with me. I spent the majority of my life trying to live up to their expectations hoping to be the daughter they always wanted, but nothing worked. I couldn’t get them to love me.
And he threw it all in my face.
I stared at him with tears in my eyes, hurt and stricken.
At the sight of my tears, he looked away with his jaw clenched.
“Why are you with me?” He hissed, holding out his arms. “It’s not like I can take you to dinner in Paris or buy you the clothes you like so much.”
Insecurity was a cruel thing. It had the power to turn someone as confident and sure as JJ into a puddle of irate nerves. And as his insecurity continued to dig its hooks further into his skin, he continued to rip into me, piece by piece.
“Because I love you. Because you make me laugh.” My voice raised, my hands clenched into fists by my sides. “Where is this coming from?”
Anxiety wound its way up my throat clocking off my air.
“You’re fucking shoes are four grand. Do you know what I could do with four grand? I could get the power turned on in my house, or better yet, pay for the house.” The look he shot me had me wanting to be six feet under. He’d never looked at me like that before. He made me sound vapid and superficial. Like I didn’t spend most of my time on his side of the island.
The guilt I felt early came back tenfold. Guilt for my position. Guilt for the money my family had. Guilt for the things I enjoyed buying, both for him and myself.
Maybe I was just as bad as Rafe.
Pain sliced my chest as his gaze continued to penetrate me like bullets.
“The other side of the island is starving and everyone here is drinking champagne and gambling a mortgage for fun. It’s disgusting.” JJ began to pace, shaking his head in disbelief. “You had me kissing ass to all these people, and for what? A job? Stop trying to turn me into something that I’m not.”
I wrapped my arms around my waist. “That wasn’t what I was doing. I was trying to open doors for you so you had options. All I wanted was to help give you a fighting chance.”
“I didn’t ask for your help.” The words continued to pelt at me, hitting my heart every time. The pressure in my chest only tightened further.
“Isn’t that what you’re supposed to do for the person you love?” My voice shook, matching the trembling of my body. “It never mattered before.”
I'd never been in love before him. I didn't have anything to compare it too since the most affection I get from my parents is a card on my birthday. I thought by doing everything they didn't do for me, supporting and comforting and physical touch, would somehow translate into love.
“Of course it mattered. You’re a fucking Kook.” The raw and angry words seeped into my veins, the audible crack of my heart echoing for all to hear.
My throat constricted. Enough, I couldn’t hear anymore. No, no, no. But JJ seemed to have other plans.
“I mean, I’m standing here in a custom Tom Ford whatever that could have fed me for months. I’m out of my element and it makes my skin fucking crawl. John B is getting sent to CPS and Pope is getting jumped and I’m here at some stupid dinner with the people that did it to him. What does that make me?”
My chest cracked open and my heart caved in. I finally saw the broken boy in front of me. Bruised and broken, completely uncomfortable and unsure of himself.
“Kiara’s a kook.”
“Kiara’s different and you know that.” It remained unsaid but I knew what he was referring to. Kie was a hippie rich chick who didn’t enjoy all the things I did: designer clothes, luxury dinners, expensive food. In other words, I was a self absorbed kook princess that didn’t care for those around me.
It didn’t matter that I spent most of the summer with JJ helping him fix homes in the cut. It didn’t matter that I donated to charities or helped send care kits to those on the cut after the hurricane. It didn’t matter that I spent almost all my free time with him and the pogues just as Kiara did.
To him, I represented everything he hated. It didn’t matter that I loved him so deeply I defied my parents. It didn’t matter that I upended my life and chose to be with him. He could never see past the money, something I had no control over.
I may have been standing in custom Christian Dior and Jimmy Choo, but I’ve never felt more cheap as JJ continued to cut me down with each word.
“Do you want me to apologize?” My pulse spiked as a burst of adrenaline had me spouting the truth. “I had just as much a choice of being born on figure eight than you did on the cut.”
He looked at me like he hated me. “I don’t know how we deluded ourselves into thinking this could ever work.”
“You don’t get to stand there and make me feel guilty for who I am. Just because I have money and like nice things, doesn’t make me an asshole. I’ve treated everyone in my life with kindness. Don't group me with them.”
JJ scoffs, pointing at the crowd on the dance floor. “Them? Them--means your parents, baby”.
“I’ve never treated you less than me.” It was a last ditch effort.
“At least I know what Kook pussy tastes like.” He went for the kill. “Money and daddy issues.”
I stilled. The world stilled. Vicious hurt curled its way into my soul, etching every bit of it until I no longer existed.
Like I said before, I had no intention of going anywhere. But, I guess to JJ, he always had one foot out the door.
I think I stopped breathing. I blinked at him, hoping cameras would pop out and the whole thing came out as a prank. But, no cameras appeared.
Just him and I stood, in a field, an arms length apart but a universe away.
“You don’t mean that.” The words came out strangled. “Take it back.”
He said nothing. I had to bring a fist to my mouth to try and block out the harsh sob that threatened to escape.
“JJ, please.” I begged, my hands catching his arm. “Let’s just go.”
His normal vibrant eyes regard me coldly, a muscle jumping his jaw. I was drowning in my emotions. Everything had escalated to a level I couldn’t fix, because he wouldn’t let me. The bathroom seemed forever ago in the scheme of things. I can see the battle in his eyes of whether to give into his self destructive behavior or to come back to me.
Any hope I had of him coming back to me dissolved in a matter of seconds. A security guard came up behind him, gripping JJ by the forearm and tugging us towards the front of the party. My eyes widened in horror as I realized they were going to parade him around in front of everyone which would just humiliate him more.
“Jeez Daryl, could you loosen up your grip,” JJ complained, attempting to jerk out of the large man’s grip. He didn’t so much as flinch at each of JJ’s gripes either.
"What do you think you're doing?" I snapped, "Let him go, Darryl."
Darryl shook his head and gave me an apologetic look. "No can do. Mr. Cameron complained."
JJ Scoffed. “I can let myself out. I have two legs.”
“JJ, please stop.”
“I appreciate the discretion, Daryl.”
He self-destructed right in front of me. JJ grabbed a drink off an unsuspecting member and chugged it down before tossing the glass on the floor.
In the end, JJ was always going to be JJ. I saw the moment he decided to destroy everything we had. It was a slight shift in his body and that penetrating gaze of his hardened into a cruel amusement. JJ shrugged my hand off his, before his eyes flitter across the crowd as though he's looking for someone. Then I watched as they landed on a familiar brunette.
“Hey, let him go. I’m a member of this club and I invited him.” Kie shouted at Darryl who paused for a brief moment. I could see her parents trying to discreetly get her to stop but Kiara refused. At the sound of her words, an appreciative grin tugged at JJ’s lips.
It didn’t matter that I had said the same thing hours ago. It didn’t matter that I not only defended him but made him a member. I liked shiny flashy things and she didn’t. Apparently, that made her better than me.
“Mandatory power hour at Rixon’s, Kie.” He shouted, pointing at where she stood in front of her parent’s. “Pope, you as well, alright?”
I had a disposition for loving people too much, no matter how they treated me. And for the first time in my life, I didn’t care that I wasn’t presentable. I didn’t care that tears were falling down my face or that my hair was a mess. I didn’t want to be left behind. He promised.
“Let me come-”
Exasperation filled his features. "Take a fucking hint. You can go be with someone like Rafe now. You two deserve each other."
“Alright, Kie c’mon.” He didn’t spare me a second glance. I had to watch as Kie took off running towards him with Pope in tow. JJ held out his arms to catch her, arms she happily jumped into. John B lets out a humored shout while JJ spins Kiara around and they take off.
Leaving me all by myself. My parents nowhere in sight.
And suddenly everything hit me at once. My dress was too tight, my heels were pinching at the skin on my feet, the music was too loud, my hair was a mess. Nothing I did was right. Once again, I was left alone. Abandoned by the one person I thought would never leave. All because I loved him too much and he hated everything I couldn’t control.
I stood there, feeling like a silly little girl in a silly little dress I spent hours looking for, urging him to look back. He never did.
Authors note: I hope I hurt your feelings because I hurt my own writing this :) pls let me know what u think!!! I love hearing from you guys
Tagging my favs: @maybankslover @sipsthecoffee @alyisdead
#outer banks#outerbanks imagine#obx#obx smut#outer banks fanfiction#outer banks smut#jj maybank x reader#jjmaybank#jj maybank#jj maybank angst#jj maybank imagine#jj maybank imagines#jj maybank smut#jj maybank fanfiction#rudy pankow#rudy pankow smut#rudy pankow angst#obx fanfiction#outerbanks fanfiction#outerbanks angst
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Family Dinner
ReaderxJJ
Warnings:None!Fluff :)
This one is a long one so buckle up!
"I'm really not sure about this" JJ says turning to me with a worried look on his face "Jay there gonna love you" I reassure him as I quickly take my eyes off the road and look over to see him biting his lips which is something he did when he was nervous. "I promise," I say as I use one hand to hold his."I don't know," he says nervously
"If u need to leave we can but we have to go in at least okay?" I say with a reassuring smile "Mhm" he mumbles in response.My parents were having a family dinner, so they invited JJ as they wanted to meet him, and he was nervous. really nervous.We pull up at my house in the Twinkie that John B had lent us for the night. "home sweet home" I say as we both jump out of the van and walk up to the front porch
"JJ relax it’s gonna be fine I promise baby"I say softly as I give him a soft kiss. he nods as I open the front door "Mom I'm here!" I shout as my little sister comes running up to me "Lia!" I shout as I pick her up and hug her tightly "Hi!" she squeals wrapping her arms around my shoulders and burying her face in my neck.
"Lia I want you to meet JJ"I say with a smile as she lifts her face up and looks at the boy next to me "Oooo" she says and starts making kissy noises. Me and JJ both let out a laugh as I put her down and she goes running off. "Dad!" I shout him into the living room as we go and sit down on my couch. I slowly grab JJ's hand as my dad walks into the living room. I feel him tense up "You must be JJ!" my dad says with a smile as JJ stands up and shakes my dad's hand "You hungry?" my dad asks as he sits on the couch opposite us.
"Yeah starving" jj says with an awkward laugh as he sits back down next to me. "Well good to meet u JJ I'm gonna go help in the kitchen," he says with a smile as he goes back into the kitchen "See it's fine," I say reassuringly as I rub circles on jj back "Yeah your dad seems nice" JJ replies with a smile. Before I can reply Lia comes running in with her crayons and paper "What you drawing Lee?" I ask "Me and JJ," She says bluntly "Oh you are now are you?" I say as I look at JJ with a smile and then back at her.
"Yep," she says as she starts scribbling on the paper with different colours. "I think she might like you," I say to JJ with a laugh "Just a bit," he says returning a toothy smile " I really appreciate you coming," I say softly "Of course," he says in the same soft tone as I give him a small kiss on the lips "Ew!" my sister shouts as she stands up with the paper in her hand and hands it to JJ
"Why thank you," he says as he looks on the paper to see a scribble of her and JJ with hearts around the page. Lia lets out a giggle and runs into the other room "Wow cam I think you have some competition" JJ jokes "Yeah yeah" I laugh My mom walks into the living room "Sorry about not coming in sooner!”Hi I’m her mom Melanie" she says as JJ stands up to greet her but my mom just pulls him into a hug. After a few seconds, they both pull away with a smile.
"Thank you for the invite by the way it means the world"JJ says as my mom sits down in the same spot my dad sat previously and JJ sat back down next to me. "It's my pleasure I've never seen Canm so happy," she says with a serious look "Mom stop ur embarrassing me" I reply as my face goes red.
"Well I think Lia likes me even more than your daughter does," jj says to my mom with a laugh as he passes her the drawing. My mom looks down at It and laughs "God she isn't half a hand full" my mom says shaking her head. "Dinners almost ready if u guys don't mind would u guys set the table?" my mom asks her eyes flickering between me and JJ "Yeah of course" he replies. I let out a groan as he pulls me off the couch and into the kitchen. We both start making the table as my sister sprints into the kitchen
"JJ JJ!" she shouts whilst pulling on JJ's arm "What's up Lee?" he asks softly as he neals down to talk to her. my heart immediately melts. "Can u come and help me draw please please pleaseeee" she begs whilst still pulling on his arm "Go on its fine ill finish setting the table"I say with a smile as he gets dragged back into the living room by Lia "Sooo" my mom begins "Sooo" I repeat with a grin "he's a cute one" my mom says returning the grin "yeahhhhh" I reply.
I finish setting the table and look into the living room. I see j sitting cross-legged on the floor helping my sister draw a picture.
At that moment I knew.
My mom comes up behind me and rests her chin on my shoulder "You love him don't you" she says "I think I do" I say softly "Hes a good one keep him close" my mom replies with a smile " Thats if Lia doesn't steal him from you" she adds with a giggle "mhm" I laugh "Alright well go get him and your sister dinners ready" she says giving me a kiss on the cheek as she goes back to putting food on the table. "I see you guys are having fun," I say walking over to them.
"Can close ur eyes!" my sister says "Quick cover them!" she adds as ij puts his hands over my eyes. "Hello to you guys too," I say confused. "Wait here!" my sister shouts as I hear her run off and come back. She gives JJ the okay to let me open my eyes "Well I don't know what u guys are plotting but dinners ready" I say as I help jj up and we walk into the kitchen "Smells amazing Melanie!" JJ says as we all sit down at the table
"Thankyou JJ but please call me mel" She laughs We all begin eating "So how did u and JJ meet?" my dad asks as he puts another mouthful of food in his mouth.
"Well you know how I work at the surf shop? well, jj is really good at surfing so he would buy supplies at the shop then you know we started hanging out" I say with an obvious smile painted on my face as I turn to him as I see the same grin on his face.
"Aww JJ do u work?" my mom asks "Not fully at the moment but I help Cam at the surf shop a lot and I fix cars here and there" he replies as he has a mouthful of his food. JJ places his hand on my thigh as my sister begins "JJ can we show Cam our drawing after dinner?" she says across the table "Yeah of course" he replies with a smile "You guys made me a drawing?" I ask
"Yep we did," jj says with a nod as he turns me witha grin "Your sister is quite the little artist" he adds "Mhm" Lia agrees with a proud nod. We finish off our food and we all go and sit in the living room. Obviously, JJ sits next to me and My mom and dad sit on the couch opposite us whilst my sister runs off and comes back with a piece of paper.
She looks at JJ for a second "Go on give it to her Lee" and with that Lia comes up to us and hands me the paper “why Thankyou”I say as I look down at it to see a picture of her me and jj all holding hands "awww I love it lee" I say in awe as I pick her up and hug her tightly.
After a moment she pulls away and just sits on my lap facing me "I wanna see the drawing!" my mom says as JJ hands her and my dad the paper. They both let out a laugh and give the paper back to JJ "Me and Lee make quite the team don't we" JJ smiles as he gives Lia a high five.
"Im starting to think you like Lia more than me," I say jokingly with a smile as I put her down "Well I meannnn" JJ jokes as I slap him on the shoulder lightly "You're a good man JJ your old man raised you right," my dad says. my heart drops. jj stiffens in his seat. I grab his hand and rub my thumb against it.JJ just smiles awkwardly and shuffles in his seat.
"Well me and JJ better get going we're meeting our friends later," I say with a smile at my parents as we both stand up. "Of course, it's been lovely meeting you JJ," My mom says hugging him once again "Good meeting you too," he says with a smile "You're a good lad JJ," my dad says shaking his hand "Bye JJ!" Lia shouts running up to him as he bends down and hugs her “Bye Lee!”JJ says to the little girl as he stands back up.
"Youll have to babysit her one day with JJ" my mother says to me with a grin "I think she might like that" I say with a laugh "Alright love you guys ill see you guys later," I say as I open the door and go to leave "Love u guys thank you for dinner!" JJ shouts with a smirk. We both laugh as I jump in the passenger seat and jj drives "Well they really like you," I say with a giggle. “
Im glad I was so nervous" he responds with an awkward laugh "I knew they'd love you," I say with a smile "Your sister certainly does," he says turning to me with a smile on his face. "You know I'd love to babysit ur sister sometime you know? like your mom said" JJ says climbing into bed as I join him putting my head on his bare chest as he plays with my hair "Id like that.My heart literally melted when I saw you helping her draw" I say looking up at him
"Really?" he says showing that mesmerising toothy smile "I love ur smile you know" I say out of the blue as I look at him in awe "you do?" he questions his face scrunching up"I really do" I say with a serious look on my face "well I happen to like your smile as well" he says pulling me up and kissing me.
I let out a giggle as I prop my chin on his chest and continue to look up at him "You know me and my mom were talking about you "I say "You were? Oh no what did I do wrong?" he says a worried look painted on his face "No, it's good I promise. I was watching you and Lia play and i realised" i pause for a minute
"i love you JJ" i say my breath heavy it's not like we weren't serious of anything but this is the first time i'd ever said i love you. "I love you too baby" JJ replies as he kisses my forehead.
#jj maybank#Jj#maybank#jjmaybank#jj maybank x reader#jj x reader#outer banks#the pogues#outer banks pogues#jj maybank fluff#jj maybank smut#jj maybank imagines#oneshot#john b routledge#kiara carrera#obx fic#obx x reader#obx imagine#obx fanfiction#outer banks imagine#jjmaybank story#story#fanfiction#writers on tumblr
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sweet touch - jj maybank
⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯
warning: minors DNI! NSFW, smut, virginity loss, praise-ish talk, sexual content overall.
words count: 1.6k
author’s notes: i'm back!!! part 2 to sweet desire is finally out! you can find part one here but you can totally read this by its own. it's a bit long because as usual i got carried away with the context. :)
also happy birthday rudy!
masterlist :)
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JJ holds my hand tightly as we enter the chateau quietly, the moment that we step into his bedroom, he locks the door pressing our bodies on the wall. His tongue slips through my parted lips and fills my mouth, I wrap my arms around his neck and eagerly return the kiss, the way his hands are pulling me close to him triggers an instant feeling of arousal that spirals to my core.
He reaches down and cups my ass, he breaks the kiss breathlessly. “Is that too much?.” he asks, staring at me, my only response is to shake my head.
“You can stop me any time.” His expression is serious.
“I-i don’t want you to stop.” I whisper, he grins at my response pressing my lower body to his.
It’s true, it’s a night of firsts to me but I feel my body hot and desperate for JJ.
Plus, I’m good. I'm not saving myself for the love of my life or something like that, sex could be a big event for some people, but personally, I’m just doing what feels good, and God, this feels awesome.
“You don’t know how long I’ve been waiting for this.” he growls against my neck planting wet kisses at every spot. “you’re so hot.”
The tension between my legs grows and grows until I’m shamelessly grinding against his thigh in a desperate attempt to ease the desire.
“JJ.” I moaned under my breath involuntarily.
“Yes, cupcake,” he replies without lifting his gaze, his mouth exploring every inch of my neck while his hands are busy grabbing my body eagerly.
“Take my clothes off…please.” he froze for a second, lifting his eyes with a smirk on his face.
“Since you insist.” He comes closer to me, slowly lifting my shirt, as soon as my top goes through my head, his eyes fall into my breast, "fucking beautiful." he grabs my waist and guides me to the bed, my calves bump the edge of the bed frame.
“Lie back, beautiful.” JJ demands, I do as he says and fall back on my elbows.
I watch JJ take my pants off whilst staring at my body only in lingerie. It’s like he’s scanning every part of me to keep on his memory. He kneels in between my legs on the floor, his fingers reach my bra and tug to the side exposing my nipples.
I close my eyes feeling his warm breath on my skin, he flicks his tongue over one nipple, pushing my breast deeper in his mouth, I whimper in response, JJ squeezes the other one before releasing my nipple with a wet sound. He placed his hands on my thighs. “You okay?” I nod wordlessly.
He lowers himself, licking his lips as he watches me spreading my legs and pushing my panties off, he swallows as he could taste me already. “Fuck.” he groans squeezing my thighs. He slowly runs his finger into my folds, teasing my clit. His finger comes back wet, he smirks once again before bringing his mouth to my pussy. My eyes get shut immediately.
His tongue travels down from my slit to my opening nonstop, he licks his way back to my swollen clit flicking his tongue against it, my moans become more desperate just like my hips as it keeps rocking as he teases me.
JJ finally eases the tip of his index finger inside me, I let out a throaty cry
“Good baby?” He murmurs, gazing up at me.
“Mmm-hmmm”
JJ’s strokes are slow, his tongue is now tracing circles on my clit as his fingers inch deeper into me. He gets up without taking his finger inside me. “You’re so tight princess and, God…so wet,” he murmurs as he slowly brings his finger to his mouth, licking them. “I could keep tasting you all night baby girl.”
That’s it. I couldn’t be more horny.
As he gets up on his knees, I can’t help to notice the bulge marked on his pants, he takes his shirt and pants promptly. I saw JJ shirtless all the time and it’s always breathtaking, but this time it’s different.
“Um, J?.” I asked
“Yes, baby girl?
“Can I?” I blurred the words staring at his crotch.
“As much as I would love this, I think tonight is all about you y/n.” he approaches me
It’s inevitable to not ask for it. What’s happening to me?
“Please?” I insisted, sitting on the edge of the bed
“Fuck Y/N, are you trying to make me come right now?” he asks, grabbing my chin “You don’t have to do this.” He whispered pecking my lips
“I know”
I adjust myself sitting on my knees, my fingernails reaching right under the waistband, he brings his hands closer to mine pushing his underwear off, my hands go to feel his thighs and abs and they slide until I take his cock in my hand.
JJ hisses softly when I start moving my hand in firm strokes. I leaned forward moving my mouth closer, I tasted the precum on the tip of his cock. JJ hums in approval, I could see him trying to keep his balance standing.
The movements started slow, it was probably like teasing for JJ, my free hand reached for his balls massaging them softly, as I started to pick up the rhythm, my mouth took him further, hollowing my cheeks and fluttering my tongue against him, his hips began to twitch.
“You are doing s’good baby.” JJ praises, placing his hand on the back of my head.
It felt intoxicating, I lifted my head almost entirely off him and sucked vigorously on the tip until he was writhing, I kept taking his cock as far into my mouth as I could, swallowing around him. Each time his length was close to my throat JJ let out a curse between his lips.
“Oh fuck.” He growled as I moved. The wet sounds of my mouth around his cock filled the room, along with the heavy breathing and his quiet groans which were growing louder by the second.
“Let me cum inside you baby girl, I won’t last with this pretty mouth around me.” JJ says lowering himself, smashing his lips against mine, our tongues clashing exploring each other eagerly.
He climbs on top of my body, forcing me to adjust myself on the bed. He reaches for a condom in his drawer, rolling it down effortlessly the length of his shaft. I swallow hard, preparing myself mentally.
“Are you sure about this?” He asks spreading my legs open
“Yes.” I replied, breathing my nervousness away.
His features are serious as he brings his erection to my opening. He slides forward, and I tense involuntarily. He puts just the tip and I can feel the pressure. His cock is a lot thicker than the one finger he’d just had inside me. “Are you okay?” His voice is husky with a tone of concern
“Yes.” I say again
JJ tries to stay still, I can see him trying to control himself, It’s a weird sensation, but not completely unpleasant.
“I’m going to let you get used to it, k?” He says adjusting himself without making harsh movements.
“I’m good, Y-you can go faster,” I say
“I don’t want to hurt you, baby girl.”
“J….” I said looking up at him with doe eyes
“You look so even hotter when you beg.”
The pain is starting to turn into anticipation, JJ keeps his strokes slow without thrusting all of his length but as he reads my mind he brings his hand to my clit, massaging it helping ease the tension. I can resist lifting my hips moving close to him.
“You are taking me so well baby.” he croaks “Can you handle more? he asks receiving a nod in response.
“I need words, baby.”
“Yes J.”
“Good girl”
He takes his hands off my clit, making me whimper, but my disappointment is replaced by a wave of pleasure as he holds my waist while his erection inches out, slightly, then glides back in.
A gasp escapes my lips.
“Do that again, please.”
JJ gives me a small chuckle as he repeats his moves. His mouth finds mine in a tender kiss, and then his hips begin to move faster. I hold on tight, digging my fingers into his strong back. He sinks his hands to the side deepening the contact.
“God, you feel amazing.” JJ moans
He fills me, over and over again, each long stroke intensifying the ache inside me, my skin is hot. I need more. My clit is swollen, throbbing. JJ slides his fingers again in between my legs, giving me extra stimulation which feels amazing.
“Y-yes J, don't stop please.”
“I won’t baby, I want you to come for me, you’ve done so well.”
As he increases the pace, snapping his hips forward, his cock hits the spot deep inside, my mouth goes dry with saliva with the sensation.
“J..I-i’m gonna cum.” I arch my spine and slam my eyes shut, biting my lips containing the urge to moan loudly, my body shivered with ecstasy as JJ kept rubbing my clit. I whine with the familiar feeling of lust filling me.
“Oh fuck” he curses slamming on more time, his body slows as he grunts in a release.
His forehead is covered in sweat, his body collides by my side as we both breathe heavily.
“That was amazing,” JJ whispers “Are you ok?.”
“Oh my God, yes,” I reply, trying to control my breath.
“I guess there’s a list of others first for you right baby?.” JJ stares at me with a lazy smirk on his face.
You chuckle at his comment "Yes Maybank, will you help me with those too?"
"When can we start?."
⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯
© maybank-archives 2023 — no one has permission to copy or translate any of my works, if you see any of my work being reproduced in another platform please contact me! :)
#jj maybank#obx#outerbanks#jj maybank smut#jj obx#rudy pankow#outer banks#jj mayback x reader#jj maybank headcanon#jj maybank x you#jjmaybanksmut#jjmaybankpov#jj maybank imagine#rudypankow smut#jjmaybank#jj maybank imagines
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being friends with jj for years and yall are really keeping it in the dl that youre fucking but your new friends are constantly drooling over him asking you to hook them up and you try not to laugh in their face you really do but he JUST got thru digging you out in the twinkie and they think they have a shot? please
AHAHA this is too good 😭
okay so you and your friends decide to go to a beach party where you also end up spotting JJ. he’s nursing a beer while talking to john b. and pope. you tell your friends you’ll be right back and you go up to JJ, pulling him away from the boys and since you’ve been close for the longest it’s not unusual for you and him to run off to god knows where, so nobody really thinks anything of it. once you’re far enough away from your friends he’s pulling you close to whisper in your ear. saying “c’mon, the twinkie is unlocked.” and you know he’s insinuating a quickie. you’re both giggling as he pulls you through the crowd and when you get to the twinkie you’re pulling your panties off from under your sundress. he’s quickly unzipping his cargo shorts and pulling both his shorts and boxers down just passed his ass. you both know neither of you can go full nude because you’re on a time crunch. “we gotta hurry, j.” and you’re both breathing heavy while getting into position because it’s just so exciting to the both of you. the adrenaline rush makes it so much better and when you’re both done you head back to the beach and go your separate ways. you go back to your friends and he goes back to john b. and pope. and your friends are all like where were you?? and you make some shitty excuse about JJ needing to show you something and it’s a really shitty excuse but your friends are drunk off their asses at this point so they don’t press it any further. “so maybank, huh?” your friend says and you’re fully expecting your friend to say how you and him would make a cute couple. “he’s a cutie. do you think you could set us up? or at least just, like, introduce us and i’ll do the rest.” and your eyes go all wide because that’s your man. i mean he’s not really your man but he’s YOUR MAN!! “oh, um, he has a girlfriend.” you shrug, pursing your lips. and your friend is all disappointed now and you’re like yeahhh i knowww what a bummer!!
#thots#jj thots#outerbanks#obx#jj maybank#jj maybank x reader#jj maybank imagine#jj mayback x reader#jj maybank smut#jj maybank x you#jjmaybank#jj obx#jj x reader#outerbanks smut
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clingy - jj maybank
summary - jj and his girlfriend got into a huge argument. sometimes he needed space, but she couldn’t seem to grasp the idea of it at all.
warnings - mentions of trauma?, mentions of arguing, angst, crying, mentions of panic attacks. i think that’s it; lmk if there’s more.
a/n - this is bad. you were warned.
word counter - 563
post number - 5
reader - she/her, fem
they couldn’t even be around each other for longer than five minutes at the moment. yn thought it was the end of their relationship.
that’s how it usually went in her life.
all of her mums ex’s would break up with her after a big argument, just how they did with her aunt, just how yn’s ex’s did too. safe to say she never had a healthy relationship.
with these kinds of thoughts, yn was quick to gather jj’s belongings for him, not wanting to make their situation worse.
she collected his hair products, surfboard wax, hoodies, clothes, cd’s, any other bits and bobs of jj’s she could find and neatly shoved it all into a box.
she noticed something that also belonged to jj. the tickets from the first movie they went to. he paid for them, so they were his, right? but surely he wouldn’t want them. it finally clicked in yn’s head how many memories she was throwing away by giving his stuff back, but she knew she had to if they broke up. she held the tickets in her hand, looking at them with heartbreak in her eyes.
a tear slowly strolled down her face. not again. please not again, she begged. no more panic attacks. she had one already, picking up the hoodie of jj’s that she slept in every night. she managed to control her breaths, and quickly get herself together. she knew this had to happen.
she was quick to hop onto her motercycle and make her way to jj’s home.
she took a deep breath before building the courage to knock on the door. she got a quick, harsh response, with the door angrily flying open.
the man at the door rubbed his forehead, squinting his eyes in frustration, not even looking at who was there, “what do you want?”
“just to give your stuff back.” yn said softly.
jj looked up, “why?”
“cause we’re breaking up?” she hesitated, wondering why he was confused.
his jaw dropped slightly, “are you serious? i accidentally spilt ketchup on your dads old sweater and you’re breaking up with me? i get you’re mad; but it was an accident. why would i purposely spill ketchup on a dead man’s sweater? i’m not that fucked in the head.” the blonde went on a rant.
“what are you talking about? i don’t want this to happen, this is how it goes though.”
jj pulled yn inside, gently by the wrists, and sat her down on the couch.
“this is how what goes, babe?” he spoke softer, starting to understand what was happening.
“you argue, then you break up, then you go again, and again.”
he smiled, softly, “no, darling. no.”
“what?”
“that’s not what happens. you argue, you have time to think, then you talk, maybe someone apologises, then you let go, and pretend nothing happened. we don’t need to break up sweetheart.”
“really?”
“of course.”
she sighed, a sigh of relief, as she fell forwards into jj’s chests, a few tears sliding from her waterline, “thank goodness. my mum has really taught me wrong.”
“and all the other douche bags you’ve dated.”
“yeah.” yn chuckled.
“wait, when did you get this hoodie?” jj spotted, finding his old hoodie that went missing nearly a year ago, that he never found.
“never mind that, we’re okay again!” yn cheered, changing the subject.
#jjmaybankshousekeeping#obx#jj maybank#jj maybank fluff#jj maybank smut#jj maybank x pogue!reader#jj maybank gifs#jj maybank blurb#jj maybank angst#jjmaybank#obx jj#jj obx#jj x reader#jj mayback x reader#the obx#obx angst#obxangst#outer banks#outer banks angst#the outer banks angst#the obx angst
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Jealousy | JJ Maybank
୨୧ Warnings: cursing, smut, oral sex, fingering.
୨୧ Pairings: JJ Maybank x Female Reader
୨୧ Summary: In which, JJ gets jealous of Y/N's friendship with John B after Y/N comes back from a 2 month long trip.
୨୧ Word Count: 1.5k
୨୧ Author's Note: Damn, this was the first fic I ever wrote two years ago, it's fairly obvious by the writing lmao. I am going to be reuploading all of my fics to match the changes I am making to my blog so.
© Babeydollx 2024, please do not steal, copy, modify, repost, or translate my work.
You sat by the fire. Taking in the crisp autumn air around you, you’re happy to finally get to see your friends again, especially your boyfriend. You’ve been gone for two months with your parents because of your father’s work. JJ walks over to you with two beers in hand then passes you one.
“I’m so glad I get to see you again babe..” JJ smiled sitting down before giving you a gentle kiss on your head. You smile and rest your head on his shoulder. “I’m glad too. I really missed this.” You said as he wrapped an arm around you. “Hey! Don’t hog Y/N! We missed her too.” Kiara said with a chuckle as she sits beside you, pulling you away from JJ into a hug. You laugh and hug her back, then look over to JJ. He looked annoyed.
“Ok Kie.. I get that you missed her but, I’d like to spend sometime with my girlfriend. It’s been two months since I’ve got to see her.” JJ said with a sigh. “Oh come on JJ.” John B said as he sat down with the rest of you. “She’s our best friend too, we missed her as much as you did.” “Sorry babe.. looks like you have to share for a little bit.” You giggled softly but blew him a kiss to make him feel better.
JJ chuckled quietly and pretended to catch it in his hand and put his hand over his heart. “Okay I get that you two love birds missed each other, but please, save that shit for later.” Pope said as he sipped his beer. You jokingly flipped him off. That’s how your relationship with Pope worked, you both teased and made fun of each other, that’s how you bonded.
Pope rolled his eyes playfully and took another sip of his beer. “But really Kie, now you’re hogging her, let JB and I see her too.” he chuckled “Fineee..” Kiara chuckled and let go of you, so you went and sat in-between John B and Pope. John B hugged you, gently squeezing. You giggled and hugged him back. John B was your best friend. You had known him even before JJ met him.
After you got a few drinks into you, you were playfully messing with John B. “I- okay is this how it’s going to be? Fine.” John B laughed and started tickling you making you squeal. “I- ok ok.. I’m sorry just stop!” You giggled. JJ watched you and John B laugh and mess around, all you could see in his eyes was jealousy. He didn’t enjoy sharing you, even with your friends and seeing the way you were with John B right now made it worse. JJ looked away from both then got up to get another beer.
Pope, Kiara, and John B had already left so it was just you and JJ now. You were a little tipsy but still aware of your surroundings. JJ was drunk and sitting on the couch, he seemed annoyed. “Baby..? Are you ok?” You asked sitting beside him and took one of his hands into your own.
“Do you love me? Or are you just with me to get close to John B?” He said sounding irritated. “Wait.. JJ where is this coming from?” You cupped his face to make him look at you, worry filled your eyes. “You and John B. I saw the way you acted with him tonight. You barely even acknowledged me.” JJ frowned. Even though he was drunk he was still making sense.
“I mean.. I was with you the second I got home this morning, we were together all day today baby.. and I loved it, trust me. Nothing makes me happier than being with you but, I also wanted to spend time with you and John B, Kiara, and Pope. I missed them too baby.” You said as you frowned a little. “I- I know..” JJ sighed. “I just missed you so much and.. I didn’t want to share you. I wanted you for myself.” He said. “Mmm.. well nothing is new there..” You giggled softly. “Plus.. you wore my favorite bikini tonight. You looked… so fucking hot. I couldn’t even keep my eyes off you.” JJ said as he got close to your ear, his hot breath tickled your skin. “You have no idea how much I just wanted to fuck you.” He whispered.
You bit back a whimper. You could feel yourself getting wet. You then closed your legs tightly. JJ looked down and smirked. “Mmm.. don’t close those legs yet baby.” He said as he spread your legs again. He pulled at the strings on both sides of your bikini bottoms, making the fabric fall off, your pussy now exposed. He then did the same to your bikini top so you were now naked.
JJ studied your body for a moment biting his lip. JJ then tugged his swimming trunks off and stood up beside the couch. You giggled and got onto your knees knowing exactly what he wanted. Your mouth latched onto his cock as you started to suck. JJ let out a low groan as you kept bobbing your head now taking in his full length. JJ let out a loud moan before pulling you up to kiss you passionately. You slithered your tongue into the kiss as he grabbed your waist pulling you closer.
JJ pulled back then picked you up making your legs wrap around his waist and he took you to his room. He walked in, shut the door, and tossed you onto the bed. You giggled as he got on top of you and kissed you hungrily. JJ then kissed down your jawline, then down your neck, and then to your breasts. His mouth latched onto your left nipple as he massaged your right breast with his hand. You let out a moan and gently bit your lip. He then switched now sucking on your right nipple, massaging the left. “mm.. JJ just fuck me already.” You whimpered tugging at his hair.
“Patience Baby Girl..” He said as he kissed down your stomach. He then reached to where you wanted him most. He planted a kiss on your clit. You giggled softly and played with his hair. He then licked up your wet folds. You let out another moan as he began to pump a finger into you while licking your clit. You let out a loud moan and tugged on his hair. “I- mm.. JJ I’m close.” You moaned out.
“Then cum for me baby.” He smirked putting a second finger into you and went back to licking your clit at the same time. You kept moaning out feeling a knot in your stomach. JJ kept fucking you with his fingers faster, he was intent on making you cum right there. You let out one last moan as you released on his fingers, trembling and tugging at his hair. JJ licked your juices off his fingers then put your legs over his shoulders, positioning himself. He decided to tease you a little more first, rubbing the tip of his dick against your folds. “JJ please fuck me already..” You whimpered.
Without a warning JJ thrusted into you easily because of how wet you were. You let out a loud moan and grabbed the sheets. JJ began to pound into you. You kept moaning out and grabbed your breasts squeezing them. JJ grabbed your wrists and pinned them above your head, his eyes now trained on your breasts. He kept hitting your g-spot now making you scream.
“Mm.. you like that baby? Does that feel good?” He asked letting out a moan. You could barely form words, you were a moaning mess at this point and that turned him on more. JJ let go of your wrists and pulled out then flipped you onto your stomach. He slapped your ass hard before thrusting into your entrance again.
“Oh fuck Y/N! You feel so good!” JJ moaned out going faster. “I- fuck JJ!” You moaned out. “I- I’m close..” You gasped out and you grabbed onto the sheets. JJ slapped your ass again, there was now a red handprint on your ass. You moaned louder until you eventually reached your high and came. JJ thrusted into you a few more times before pulling out and releasing his seeds onto your back.
You giggled catching your breath and laid down. JJ laid beside you and held you close as you rested your head on his chest. “Damn.. that was.. so hot.” He said catching his breath. You giggled and bit your lip. “Yeah.. I missed our sex.”
“I’m sorry for getting so jealous over you and John B. It was dumb and childish, he’s your best friend..” JJ said kissing your head. “It’s ok baby..” You smiled and lifted your head up to kiss his cheek. “I love you Y/N.” He said kissing your head. “I love you too JJ.” You smiled holding onto him tightly. Your eyes slowly fluttered shut and you fell asleep in JJ’s arms.
୨୧ Author's Note: thank you so much for reading, angels!
#obx#outer banks#outerbanks#jj maybank#jjmaybank#jj#maybank#j. maybank#jj maybank smut#obx smut#jj maybank x reader#jj maybank x female reader#jj maybank x fem!reader#jj maybank x f!reader#jj maybank x oc#jj maybank x you#jj maybank x y/n#outer banks smut#outerbanks smut#smut#smut writing#rudy pankow#rudypankow#rudy#pankow#r. pankow#rudy pankow smut#rudy pankow x reader#rudy pankow x female reader#fanfic smut
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