#rudy pankow angst
Text
Wanted
Paring(s): JJ maybank x fem!reader
Summary: in a world where someone had everything, she still got treated like she was nothing. all she wanted was to be wanted.
Authors note: I wanted this piece piece to be as real as possible. It's not simple, its messy. We've all gone back to that one person we know we shouldn't just because being alone seemed worse. Also she gets absolutely railed so that helps. So please be kind to her lmfao.
Rating: smut, 18+, mdni, ANGST
Song rec: making the bed by olivia rodrigo
Part 1: Guilty
Bored.
I was so incredibly bored. I leaned against the built in bar as I watched Topper and Kelce take body shots off some tourists they invited. The loud bass of the music did little to tune out the annoying voice of Amy Culpo, who stood next to me, and rattled on about my mother’s latest line.
“I mean, it’s absolutely stunning.” I know it is. I was there when she designed it. “Any chance you have tickets to her next show?”
Ah, there it was. The brutal truth he reminded me of all those months ago. Every interaction was a strategic move to climbing the next prong on the social ladder. Everyone always wanted something.
I used to fight that notion. I thought I was better than them because I actually cared about other people. My wealth did not define me nor how I treated other people, but despite every effort I made both before and after him, I realized none of it mattered.
I couldn’t escape my wealth. It was permanently engraved into my body and no matter how hard I tried to scrub, it wouldn’t go away. I’ve now fully embraced that ugly truth and decided that I might as well use it to my advantage. I almost always had something that others wanted and I just had to figure out what they were willing to give. I didn’t need any more money, but there were things that were far more valuable. Favors, tickets to the hottest openings, plane rides. Since everyone already saw me as a spoiled little rich girl, I might as well play the part.
‘Depends. Are those last season MIU MIU?” I asked, tossing a look at the shoes on her feet.
“There from the season before-“ I pulled a face at her words. Before last season? I wouldn’t be caught dead wearing anything last season let alone the season before.
“Oh honey, if those are two seasons old, then I highly doubt you have anything I want.” The shocked look on her face dulled the aching pain that seemed to permanently reside in my chest.
“I can charter a plane-“
I raised my hand to silence her. “You don’t have your own?”
What was she even doing here?
This was a new little project of mine. I tossed away all those societal niceties that did little for me in the end. I still couldn’t get anyone to stay. This was much more fun. You’d be surprised by how much stuff you could get away with if you cut out all the bullshit.
Amy’s cheeks flushed red and maybe once I’d have felt bad or be disgusted by how I was treating her but I was numb. I realized nothing really mattered. Whether I was nice or rude, people all wanted the same things from me. At least this way, I could armor myself.
“There’s my pretty girl.” Warm hands curled around my waist, tugging me against a hard body.
I rolled my eyes. I wasn't his anything, Rafe knew that but he’s always had a flare for the dramatics. Tom Ford’s Noir de Noir filled my nose as I swatted at his hands, hands that I’ve grown quite familiar with.
“You left me.” I shot him a bratty look, one he met head on with a smile. Amy still stood there awkwardly, clearing her throat in an obvious attempt to gain my attention.
I turned around in Rafe’s arms, debating my next move. Almost immediately his chin came to rest on the top of my head while his arms curled around my front.
My eyes shot one last distasteful look at her outfit, before tossing out my arm in the opposite direction. “Shoo.”
She huffed before stomping away but not before shooting me one final glare. A look that would have made me cry before, but now it simply dinged off the impenetrable armor I’ve suited myself with.
“I was hoping it’d build character, but clearly that didn’t work.” I could hear the smile in his words as he pressed a kiss on the top of my head.
“The entire conversation was dull. She didn’t even have a jet, plus her shoes were two seasons ago.” I shuddered in disgust. Could never be me.
Rafe clutched his chest in mock disgust,”Not two seasons.”
I let out a huff, my chest going warm at the teasing glint in his eye.
There was no spark. There were no butterflies. Just familiarity and warmth. It was safe. We both knew what this was and expected nothing more. For now, we were just having fun. Despite the fact that I spent most nights at his place and rarely found myself without him.
I’ve found somewhat of a friend in Rafe. Someone to share the burden of being from a family like ours. He understood me. He enjoyed shiny things just as I did.
We spent a lot of our time going to the mainland because the idea of running into him still sent me to my knees. This was a small island. One that he was spending all his time running around with her instead of me. Rafe never said a word about it, never mentioned his sister or her pogue friends. And for that, maybe I do love him a little.
“You make fun of me now, but you’d still be wearing polo shirts and plaid shorts if it weren’t for me.” My hands smooth down the front of his linen light blue shirt, the first several buttons open paired with some black Gucci slacks and a black belt from Dolce & Gabbana. He no longer looked like a frat douche but a member of upper class society.
The same can’t be said about his friends.
“C’mon. Top and Kelce want us over there.” Rafe grasped my hand and tugged me in the direction of drunken yells. I pursed my lips but trudged behind him. The idea of being thrown up on was less than appealing, but being by myself was even less appealing.
“Hey guys.” Rafe nodded at them, taking a seat on the adjacent couch, a table with all sorts of drugs littered on it in between them.
The pair of them were obliterated, both their pupils blown wide and their speech slurred. That didn’t stop them from tossing me a sloppy grin and shouting a greeting.
The spot next to Rafe was vacant but on the other end was a couple gnawing each other's faces off that had me scrunching my nose up in disgust. He surely didn’t expect me to sit next to that?
He didn’t even bat an eye, instead Rafe patted his lap, tugging at my hand to sit down. “Wanna drink, baby?”
I nodded, deciding to once again indulge. It was better than feeling that stabbing pain that burned in my chest. It was a horrible solution but one that Rafe always supported, in fact he often took part in self-destructing with me. We were done with trying to be perfect for parents who couldn’t give less of a fuck.
A red solo cup with a familiar yellow concoction was waved in front of me. The pungent scent of tequila burned my nose and I shot him a secret smile. Rafe’s blue eyes narrowed in on me, glued on my smile before he shook his head in amusement.
“That’s the kinda night we’re going for?” He asked, his hand slowly gripping my thigh.
“Unless you don’t want to?” I sighed dramatically, pushing his dark blonde strands back from his face, something I knew he loved.
“If I ever say no to that question, feel free to shoot me.”
A giggle escaped my lips as I tapped my cup against his before bringing it to my lips, tilting my head back and zeroing it out.
The tequila left a burning trail down my stomach that I welcomed. It meant I was one step closer to not feeling anything at all.
“Another?” Rafe’s eyes pointed at my now empty cup and I nodded.
Being responsible was so overrated.
Lifting his hand up, almost immediately two younger boys, about 16, appear. Rafe pointed at me, muttering something before the pair nodded and took off.
I raised my eyebrow at him, confused.
He just shrugged, leaning forward to touch the golden pendant that hung from my neck. “I promised them tickets to the Charleston basketball game if they did whatever I said.”
“Why?”
“I was bored,” He hummed in response,”This is new, it’s pretty..”
I smiled back at him, the very picture of nonchalance, before replying,”Thank you. You bought it for me.”
His ocean eyes rested on me, the infatuation clear as day that had my stomach clenching. “Course I did. I have great taste.”
Rafe gave me his card about two months ago, not that I needed it, but he enjoyed taking care of me and I didnt mind. Plus, whenever he made me mad, I made sure to run the bill up, hoping for some type of reaction but it only left him amused.
Nerves gnawed at my stomach at the intense eye contact. Maybe the lines have blurred slightly. Clearing my throat to try and break the tension, I tossed my hair over my shoulder. “Want to see what else you bought me?”
“Enlighten me.”
I flashed him my freshly manicured nails, “What do you think?”
Rafe caught my hand, a half smile painted on his face, and kissed it. “Is that passion pink?”
“It’s actually bubblegum blush.”
“Beautiful, baby. I love it.” His words burned into my chest.
It was hard to describe. His approval had butterflies thrumming in my stomach. Maybe it was because we were stuck in similar situations, but his approval suddenly meant something to me. Being with him meant I wasn’t alone.
“You know we’re right here, right?” Topper's voice cut through the tension and I let out a laugh, relieved to look away.
“Fuck off.” Rafe laughed, regaining his composure as well.
Topper leaned forward holding out a black AMEX for me to take. My eyes paused on the card before shooting him a flat look.
“Are you kidding?”
Topper gave me a blank look, not a thought behind those eyes.
I rolled my eyes and stuck my nose up in mock outrage. “Rafe does it for me.”
The annoyed look on Topper’s face sent a thrill through my body. He was the easiest to rile up and Rafe knew it as he hid his chuckle with a quick cough.
The hand on my bare thigh slowly drew circles, the action almost unconscious, which had my brain blanking. It was a relief to not think. To not remember. To not feel.
“Are your hands broken?”
“No. I’m too pretty.” I shrugged, batting my lashes at him.
Topper openly scowled at me, his eyes dropping to where Rafe’s hands held me tightly. “What happened to the nice little girl who cried about everything?”
“Lay off.” Rafe snipped, leaning forward and snatching the AMEX out of his hand. His movements were quick and precise, with ease that only came with experience.
He separated the coke into three lines, one for me and two for him, just like always.
Bending over, I snorted the line quickly. Turning to hand Rafe the hundred dollar bill, his fingers dust off any remaining powder off my nose, before he bent over and did the same.
I leaned back into Rafe, the mixture of the tequila and the sting of the coke had me feeling sublime. It was a perfect balance. The alcohol got me warm and buzzed while the coke kept me awake and alert, an upper and a downer, a perfect description for every emotion in my body.
“I grew up.”
Topper hummed. “You certainly did.”
For the next hour, my mind never drifted to him. I enjoyed having thoughts that were my own, that didn’t revolve around him. Instead, my thoughts focused on the man below me. Rafe was always touching me. Even more so than usual, his hand never left my body once. If I let go of his hand to reach for my drink, he’s just moved it to my thigh. It was almost possessive which was odd, we didn’t do possessive.
Every couple moments, he’d pause in the middle of a conversation to press small kisses anywhere his lips could reach. It seemed performative, but I just couldn’t prove it.
“You’re thinking too hard.” His hot breath hot against the shell of my ear.
I said nothing for a moment before licking my lips and muttering,”Are you okay? You seem more clingy than usual?”
He just nodded, pulling me to his hard chest, his eyes darting to the side. “I just like having you with me.”
The sentiment was sweet and my heart tugged at his words. But, I couldn’t let go of the feeling that I was missing something. “I like having you with me too.” I allowed myself to give him a sliver of vulnerability, something I’ve avoided like plague, because it was true. He made living just a bit easier.
My head began to spin as I felt the lines of our odd friendship begin to blur. I knew neither of us would admit the sudden shift but it was there. I could tell with each lingering gaze and those secret touches. Maybe there was something here. I just had to give in.
“I’m glad you came to your senses,” He responded, but once again his eyes are not on mine but darting around me.
“What does that have to do with anything?” My voice comes out hushed, hoping it would get him to lower his voice.
My smile from his previous confession dimmed. Nerves slowly began to surface as I tried to read between the lines.
“You do belong with me, at least that's what you scream every night, isn’t that right baby?” He was boasting, loud enough to have his boys give him lame-ass high fives.
The small burst of happiness curdled like old milk in my stomach. I wasn’t a prude, not by a long shot, but I was a private person. Rafe knew this and he was still flaunting our private moments in a way that made me feel dirty.
“Stop talking about me like that.” I said, “What’s gotten into you?”
I felt Rafe go rigid under me. Frowning, I tilted my head back to make sure he was alright but his eyes were glued ahead.
“Rafe, I’m here for my stuff. Where did you say you put it again?”
My head turned and my stomach did a backflip. Sarah stood at the entrance of the room, looking immensely uncomfortable.
John B stood behind her, his big brown puppy-like eyes widened at the sight of me on Rafe’s lap. Or maybe it was because of the coke laid out in front of me?
But wherever he was, JJ wasn’t far behind. John B whispered something in Sarah’s ear, her eyes jumped to me for a split second before returning to his. She nodded and John B made a beeline for the other room.
I let out a choked laugh. I’m sure he was going to report back to his little lap dog. What were they even doing here in the first place? It’s not like Rafe knew-
My brain clicked into place. The constant need to touch me and the over the top PDA was because he was here. Rafe knew he was here and wanted to rub it in his face.
Rafe’s words were never for me. They were for him.
None of this was real. Not the endearing names, not the proclamations of affection. An ice bucket of realization poured over me and I felt like a fool. A fool for thinking that somebody else could want me, could maybe even love me.
Fuck this. Fuck both of them.
“You knew.” I accused, shoving his hands off of my body.
Rafe said nothing, but the flicker in his eyes gave him away. I wasn’t safe with him either. Embarrassment oozed into me, the feeling painstakingly familiar. We agreed to never make each other feel this way since our parents did it enough, but he did it to me.
Don’t think. Don’t feel.
Snatching the cup out of his hand, I forced it down, gulp by gulp, wincing at the burn. Straight tequila. “Babe-“
“Shut up.” I hissed, moving off his lap and shoving Topper to move over. Everyone always wanted something from me.
They never just wanted me.
Maybe I was defective. I had to be.
JJ didn’t love me when I was me. When I cared about other people and sacrificed pieces of my happiness for them.
Rafe didn’t love me now. When I was a spoiled brat who treated everyone like a transaction.
It didn’t matter if I was nice or a total raging bitch. Either way, I couldn't get anyone to love me.
I was just the stepping stone they used before they found the person they really wanted to be with. I was just there to make them feel good about themselves. For them to take and take just to toss me aside when they were done. Leaving me a shell of a person with no one, not even myself.
I guess, I was impossible to love.
“Line it up, Topper.”
“Can I at least get a please?”
“Be lucky that I’m even talking to you.”
Topper scoffed but did what I asked, lining up two lines of chalky white powder. “There you go, princess:”
A rolled hundred dollar bill was held out in front of me. Plucking it out of his fingers. I bent over the table. Don’t think. Don’t feel.
Dragging the cylinder bill down the crystal snow powder I’ve grown to love, I inhaled deeply. The chemicals flowing through the nose. I could practically feel the coke dissolving into my bloodstream, my body vibrating in response.
Dropping the bill on the table, I tilt my head back, begging my brain to shut off. I closed my eyes and chose to focus on the beat of the music that had my heart thrumming in my chest.
Then it happened.
All the air in the room was sucked up. The hair behind my neck stood up and my body suddenly awakened in a way it hadn’t in months.
My body recognized him before my brain did. The moment I opened my eyes, his eyes clashed with mine.
JJ.
It was like seeing him for the first time, a memory I thought I would never get the chance to feel again.
Heavy set blonde brows framed his bright blue eyes beautifully, the strong cut jaw that was currently clenched, and his lips soft and pouty, tightly pressed in a flat line. This face, his beautiful face, wouldn’t be complete without some mark. A bruise, a soft purple and yellow hue, decorated his cheek bone. His bottom lip busted.
He was so beautiful.
My body reacted before my brain could follow. I stood up quickly, too quickly that the blood rushed to my head and the room seemed to spin.
God, he was beautiful. And I fucking hated him for it. He was supposed to be like me, a complete and total mess, but instead, he looked the same, even better actually.
That thought alone had me ready to jump off the balcony.
My movements were clumsy and I drunkenly stumbled while standing still, his eyes clocking that in seconds.
Despite the loud music, I noticed the silence coming from the couch.
My eyes jumped to Rafe. All the laughter around us died off and everyone was exchanging nervous looks. It didn’t take a genius to read the room and the situation I’ve somehow managed to put myself in.
Blue eyes flickered between the two of us. It cracked my chest open wide and opened the floodgates I’ve been trying so hard to keep closed.
The crushing inescapable weight of shame hit me first. I was plastered, obviously so, and high as a kite. The evidence of what I’d been doing displayed out in front of me like a flashing sign. And I was fucking the one guy he hated.
It was unreasonable, I know. He left me and even pushed me in the direction of the one guy he hated and yet, I was the one feeling bad. He hasn’t even opened his mouth yet and it’s been turned onto me. But love never makes sense. It made the most sane people lose every coherent thought, I was the prime example.
“You should probably go, bro.” Rafe said, his tone was anything but.
He moved from his spot on the couch and stopped beside me. Rafe shoved a hand in one pocket while the other reached for mine, but I folded my arms across my chest. Mostly because I was mad at him, but a part of me didn’t want JJ seeing that.
JJ didn’t spare him a second glance.
He had on a dark blue short sleeve button down shirt with black cargos and chunky black boots on his feet. A backwards red hat settled nicely on the blonde mass of wavy hair and his shark necklace hanging against the exposed part of his chest.
It was so JJ. All of it, right down to the colorful bracelets that littered his wrists.
A hand grasped my chin and tilted up. I held my breath. His fingers slid along my jaw and he rubbed his thumb over the skin. His eyes felt like lasers, honing in on every detail of my face.
I swallowed audibly. JJ leaned in closer, bringing his height down to mine. His thumb brushed a soft stroke below my nose while his lips brushed against my ear.
“You had a little something on your nose.”
JJ let go of my face, his expression hard. Then he brushed past me, leaving a gaping wound in his wake.
Tears burned behind my closed eyes. He didn’t need to say it because I already knew what he was thinking. Sure, JJ smoked some weed but he never touched any of the hard stuff, not wanting to pick up the same habits as his dad. Hard drugs were a hard limit for him and he found me snorting several lines of it.
I went and became the very thing he hated, just like he wanted. It didn’t feel as satisfying as I thought it would. Instead, I felt like I lost another piece of myself.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” I said to Rafe, finally gathering the courage to open my eyes.
He shuffled beside me. “Him being here wasn’t going to change anything.”
We both knew that was a lie.
“It’s him, Rafe. It changes everything for me.”
Rafe scoffed and shook his head. “You’re really going to try and go back to that?”
“I’m not saying that-” I spluttered out, outraged as his voice continued to carry across the room.
“He didn’t want you.”
People around us began to whisper, their heads huddled together with their phones out. Wet hot tears threatened to fall as the control I took months to master began to unravel.
“Yeah, well you don’t either.”
“What the hell are you talking about? Before he got here, everything was perfect.”
“I’m not stupid. You think I didn’t notice what you were doing? That wasn’t for us, that was for him.”
“I didn't mean for you to think I was using you-“
I gripped his chin, and pulled his face down to my height, my eyes brimming with angry tears. “You don’t use me. I use you.” I shoved his face back, needing to collect my composure.
Everyone’s eyes were on us and I was desperate to save face. It was the only thing I had left.
“Get the fucking picture?”
“Crystal clear.” He responded through gritted teeth, his eyes hard.
“If you want a whore, go buy one.”
Rafe cleared his throat, his face iced over. “I thought that’s what I was already doing.”
I stood there for a moment, not understanding what I did to deserve to be treated like this by not one man but two. I felt like an idiot. Like the stupidest fucking person on this god forsaken planet.
Two hours ago, I thought that maybe Rafe had feelings for me and played with the idea of exploring that with him. And now, I was a gold digging whore.
I felt another piece of my heart break off, mourning the loss of the only friendship I really had.
Pressing my hair down with my hands, I look down to fix my dress, swallowing as I went, hoping to pull myself together and buy some time.
“I’m glad to hear how little you think of me.” I sent him a sad smile,” I guess I’m keeping up with everyone’s expectations.”
I stepped around him, heading to the direction of the bar, the adrenaline from all the excitement having effectively killed my buzz.
Staring at the bottles of liquor on the counter had me frowning, all being some bottom shelf brand I’ve never heard of. I moved around the bar to the cabinets behind it, looking for the good tequila. It was the least Rafe could do seeing as though he just blew up whatever the fuck we were doing.
Spotting the only tequila I drank, I grabbed the entire handle. Twisting the top off, I tossed it aside carelessly before taking a healthy swig. Then another. And another.
I stumbled into another room, shoving people out of my way. I ignored the angry shouts because I was way past the point of caring. I just-I just wanted to see him.
As if someone heard my thoughts, I spotted JJ leaning against a wall with a lit joint dangled between his fingers and a beer in the other.
He had so much charisma, it demanded the attention of the room. People gravitated towards him all the time but he refused to see himself that way.
Even now, he stood surrounded by several people, including a girl who was too close for my liking, and they were hanging onto every word. All of their bodies angled towards him, nodding along. The people around them curiously moving in to hear more of the story that had so many of them laughing.
It was almost ironic. It was the point I was trying to prove all those months ago. Kooks vs. Pouges was bullshit. Because, right now JJ is telling a story to a bunch of Kooks who were eating it right up. Neither parties cared about their status, they just wanted to socialize and have fun.
Why couldn’t he see that?
The organ in my chest began to flutter, the butterflies erupting in my stomach at his nearness. Panic began to set in. I thought I’d pushed it all down.
All it took was seeing him. Just once. For the last couple months of progress to be thrown out the window. I made sure to not feel anything anymore, because the alternative destroyed me. And yet, there he stood, looking like every dream I’ve ever had, and completely disarming my very being with one look.
I never wanted to feel that way again. My heart was open and my soul was bared, but I was naive. I thought love was supposed to be empowering. But really, it was poison. It slowly entered your bloodstream, coating every vein before slowly taking over every organ. It leaked into your brain and made you lose all common sense. The poison tricked you into thinking that certain treatment was okay because at least they were here. At least, they still wanted to be with you because they love you, right?
But eventually, like all things lacking an antidote, it began to cut off your oxygen. It curled around your lungs and squeezed until you gasped for breath with tears staining your face. It didn’t matter how much you screamed and shouted, nothing came out. The last organ it takes over is your heart. That silly little organ who was so trusting begins to pump faster, desperately trying to get that oxygen to your brain, because maybe then you’ll finally be able to think clearly. But in the end, it slows down. Each pump is slower than the last until finally it comes to a stop. The heart broke.
It’s the closest thing to dying I’ve ever experienced.
It was like drowning on dry land.
His words did not leave me dented, but destroyed.
I lost my sense of myself. I lost my identity. I put on a performance every time I left my house, wanting to see just how far I could get away with treating people the same way they treat me.
At first it didn’t feel good, but now I didn’t feel anything at all. Or so I thought until I saw him again. And I just want to see that he was doing okay and maybe, if I can admit it, to see if he still loved me, however little that may be.
I watched from my spot on the other side of the room as the crowd began to disperse, leaving JJ with some blonde. I vaguely recognized her from a shoot for one of my mom’s brands. I believe her parents worked in the fashion industry as well. Which would have been fine, had she not said something that had him give her one of those rare smiles, the ones he used to give me in private.
Nausea roiled in my stomach, maybe it was all the tequila or maybe it was seeing him smile at someone else when all I wanted was for him to smile at me.
She leaned into him, a coy smile played her lips, running her fingers down the shirt I bought him, which basically made it mine. And I hated when people touched my things.
The mix of tequila and coke emboldened me. I found my feet moving in their direction before I could stop myself.
“I wouldn't waste your time.” I could not get myself to stop talking.
“Why’s that?” The blonde’s eyes narrowed, her cheaply manicured hand resting on JJ’s bicep.
“JJ doesn’t go for kooks or so I’ve been told.”
“Maybe he just didn’t go for you.” Oh, how cute.
“Oh honey,” I sighed dramatically and took one step towards her, tilting my head to the side, dragging my eyes up her body, in obvious distaste. “Are you new here?”
“Well, yeah but-“ She tried to explain.
Clearly, she needed a run through on how the social ladder worked here. I was at the top and everyone else was at the bottom.
“Your mom works for some brand from Paris right?” I watched as her eyebrows pulled together in confusion.
“She does. We moved here because she’s doing a collab with-“
“With my mom.”
“So I suggest you take your hand off of him,” I smiled on cue, my tone dipped in sugar before batting my eyelashes at her innocently,” Unless you want her blacklisted?”
I could see her debating what to do. She didn’t know if I was bluffing but she'd learn rather quickly just how far I was willing to go.
“Hmm, cute shoes.” I hummed, “Chanel?”
She nodded, apprehension on her face.
“Won’t be able to buy those anymore if your mom doesn’t have a job.”
Her hand fell and satisfaction settled into my like molten lava. “You can go now.”
The blonde pursed her lips and stalked off, leaving me alone with JJ. “Trying a new type”
“And what type would that be?”
“Desperate.”
JJ tipped his mouth, saluting me before taking a sip of his drink. His eyes already glazed over from the joint in his hand.
“A thank you would be nice?” I muttered, taking another pull from my tequila. I couldn’t talk to him sober or I’d lose my nerve.
“A thank you?” He appeared almost amused, adjusting his red hat.
“Yeah, I just saved you.”
“I didn't realize I needed saving.”
“Self-preservation was never really your strong suit was it?”
JJ laughed, his eyes straying to the bottle cradled in my arms. “I could say the same thing, Princess.”
Fuck him for calling me that. So what, I’ve learned to indulge just a little. It made everything in my life a little more manageable.
“It’s called having fun, JJ.” Pouting as he snatched the bottle from arms just as I went to take another shot. “Since when did you become the responsible one?”
JJ leveled me with an unamused stare.
I huffed, blowing a stray strand of hair out of my face. “Tough crowd.”
JJ snorted, pushing the leaves of a nearby plant back before dumping the remaining tequila. My mouth dropped open as he wasted every last drop of my liquid courage.
How the hell was I going to talk to him now?
I pursed my lips, “That was mean.”
“I’m doing what your boyfriend should have done an hour ago.” His gaze fixed on my face, the intense stare causing my cheeks to turn red. God, would he stop staring at me?
“He doesn’t tell me what to do.”
“Then he shouldn’t have left you alone.” His tone laced with annoyance, “You have all these fuckers staring at you and you’re wasted.”
I tilted my head back to stare up at him, the annoyance I knew came from a place of panic. That was just how JJ was wired.
“So you’re in love with me?” Someone come arrest me, because I cannot keep my mouth closed.
JJ shook his head clearly fighting back a smile. “You’re so crazy.”
“What else could that mean?” I asked truthfully and I knew I had a love struck smile on my face. One that I’ve only given to one man in my life and he stood in front of me.
I just wanted to be near him. I wanted to hear his laugh and see him smile.
His face softened at my words. “Are you okay? Does he take care of you?”
“Of course, I’m okay. Why do you ask?”
“Only one of us is fucking loaded.”
I rolled my eyes and plucked the joint from his fingers. “Correct me if I’m wrong, and we both know I rarely am, are you not high too?”
“Not from cocaine.”
“Already back to judging so soon?” I mused, taking a hit off the joint, the familiar stinging sensation wrapped around my lungs and squeezed. “Careful, I might think you care.”
Kill me now. Thank god, he took away the tequila.
“Who said I ever stopped?” My heart lurched in my throat.
I blew the smoke out slowly, my fogged up brain rushing to keep up with his words.
Someone stumbled in front of me, slamming into my shoulder sending me flying forward into JJ’s arms. Something cold and wet splattered onto me, the bitter liquid dripping down my legs.
“Are you blind?” I shouted, shoving another drunk party goer off me. Looked like a tourist.
She held her hands up in apology.
“I’m so sorry. Here, let me help.” To my absolute horror, this fucking tourist used a napkin and went to scrub the stain. Are these people animals? This was custom versace.
“Stop!” My cheeks flushed, from the weed or from my constant streak of bad luck. “Clearly, you’ve never owned anything worth keeping but this is Versace, you dick.”
I needed to go home before I burned this entire house down.
“Is that how you talk to people now?”
I let out a loud groan. “Oh fuck off, JJ.”
I shoved him away from me, before grabbing the skirt of my dress and heading into the nearest bathroom, which just so happened to be Rafe’s.
In reality, I just needed to get away from him. I needed my hands to be busy so that I couldn't grab his face and kiss him. Because I really wanted to do that.
The sound of footsteps have my eyes widening in panic as I take in my ruined dress. All because of that blonde asshole next to me, if he hadn’t showed up, I’d still have my tequila and my sanity.
“I wanted to talk.”
I made a noise at the back of my throat. That didn’t sound like JJ at all.
“Fine, whatever. Close the door.” I didn’t need a million other people to see me lose my shit. I was already at my quota for the day.
Jj stared at me with a confused look. “Close the door.” I nearly shout as the footsteps get closer but he moves just as quickly and slammed it shut, putting the lock in place.
“I just got this piece too.” I grumbled, huffing at the stained skirt. It was the Medusa 95’ Cut Out Mini dress in a stunning pastel pink. And now ruined with a beer stain from that horrible girl outside.
“I remember this one.” JJ spoke from behind me. Of course he did. He remembered everything I bought.
He always demanded fashion shows after all my shopping trips. He knew nothing about clothes but he always paid attention to me. He used to sit for hours while I prattled on and on about clothes.
“Unzip me?”
“I’m sorry?” He choked out, setting his beer down.
“I need to clean it before it stains. Unzip me.”
In hindsight, I was goading him. I wanted to see what he would do. I could tell he was already on edge since seeing me with Rafe. I wondered what a little push would do.
Neither of us moved for a beat. JJ puffed out a breath from his cheeks before he walked toward me slowly. I remained stock still, watching his every move in the mirror. “It’s not like you haven’t seen it all before.”
My heart fluttered at his nearness. Something I wanted since the minute he turned around and left. Home, I wanted my home back.
I jumped up at the feel of his warm breath against the back of my neck, goosebumps rising instantly. The tug of the zipper had me swallowing the lump in my throat. His other finger caressing every inch of skin, the zipper surrendered.
The sound of the zipper stopped but he never dropped his hand. Instead, I watched as JJ swallowed before lifting his head, those storming blue eyes connecting with mine in the mirror.
I stood on my Magda Butrym Appliquéd satin sandals and a flimsy pair of tiny panties.
“I feel like this is a test.” I watched his Adam's apple bob as he swallowed.
“Is it?” I mused, tucking a loose strand of hair behind my ear.
“Yeah and I’m failing.”
The pads of his thumb brushed along my bottom lip, dragging it down slowly. My lips parted as a soft whimper escaped.
“You’re still so beautiful, it hurts.” He murmured, almost angry with the revelation.
Blistering hot satisfaction dripped over me.
JJ’s other hand grazed my bare back, the contact immediately chasing my back to arch. Sparks of sensitivity erupted from my skin as my body trembled with hot desire.
His hand moved higher, gripping onto my hair before wrapping the long strands around his hand, tugging my head back, demanding my attention.
He stared at me with heavy lids, eyes like ocean blue blades. My body began to heat up.
JJ’s eyes dropped back to my lips causing me to the lick them quickly. He backed me up against the Jack and Jill sink, my back resting against the cool granite counter.
I blinked slowly, making the decision for him, angling my head up and smashing my lips to his.
A groan ripped from his chest as he met my kiss with the same crippling desperation. His rough hands dropped from my face to my hips, his nails digging crescent shaped marks in the skin.
My legs began to slightly shake as his tongue finally brushed against mine. Oxygen was something neither of us needed as we fed off each other's energy.
His tongue licked and twirled around my own, another moan vibrating between us. JJ’s large hand trailed up skin, goosebumps appearing in its wake, before locking around my throat.
His grip was strong, not enough to cut off my oxygen but enough to garner my attention. He pulled me up to my tippy toes by my neck, my nipples brushing against the rough fabric of his shirt making me gasp at the contact. His mouth clashed with mine once more, his lips wrapped around my tongue, sucking gently before pulling back and biting out a curse.
My hands were desperate as they began to unbutton his shirt quickly, pushing the fabric off his shoulders. JJ whipped off the shirt just as my hands began reaching for his shorts, my fingers fumbling with the button.
The laugh he let out was devastating. His smile was purely lethal for my heart. “We got all the time in the world, princess.”
My stomach clenched at the nickname he gave me all those years ago. But, we didn’t. We both knew this moment would end the minute we came to our senses.
JJ unbuttoned his pants and dropped them in one smooth movement before pressing his warm body against mine once more.
“Up, baby.” My arms wrapped around his neck immediately, my nose grazing his. JJ gripped my thighs tight as he placed me on top of the counter.
He rested the palm of his hands on either side of me, enclosing my frame, daring me to move. JJ leaned down, his lips leaving phantom kisses along my collarbone, nipping as he went along. He stopped at the swell of my breasts, both hands encasing my heavy aching breasts before pressing them together.
He pressed scorching hot, open-mouthed kisses on every inch of exposed skin. His tongue pressing against my swollen nipples before closing around one and giving a strong suck. I was a mess beneath him, my chest heaving with heavy pants.
He nipped and tugged at the soft flesh of my breasts, leaving small purple love bites scattered on my chest. He pressed a kiss on each one, a pleased hum echoing within the bathroom.
JJ dropped to his knees slowly, each hand running down my bare legs. I wanted to see him.
I leaned back on the palm of my hands and arched my back in a teasing invitation. Pulling my legs from his grasp, I propped my feet up on the counter, but kept my knees bent, the tops touching.
The utter obsession that painted his face had me biting down on my lip hard enough to draw blood. “Please, Jayj.”
He stood stock still, similar to a statue. It looked like he almost stopped breathing as I slowly pushed my knees apart. I was drenched, I could feel myself soaking the skimpy fabric of my thong, my thighs glistening with the evidence of my arousal.
JJ’s eyes went black, locking in on my wet pussy before jumping back up to me. His hands found my thighs and roughly dug into the skin to keep my legs from closing.
He leaned forward, his index finger hooking the front of my thong before curling the fabric and tugging it up roughly between my lips. “Fuck.” I mewled, watching as he pressed his face between my legs and inhaled deeply.
I could feel my clit throbbing, needing to be touched. With one more tug, JJ slaps the side of my thigh, having me lift my hips up to take the last piece of fabric off my body. An insatiable grin formed on his face that went straight to my clit.
The first touch onto my lips had my hips shooting off the counter, his touch like electricity. He blew a breath against the aching skin, his hot mouth watering at the sight of me. Two fingers pushed apart my drenched folds, rubbing against the sensitive skin again and again, turning me into a mindless puddle.
He smirked at my trembling legs. “You okay, baby?”
“Fuck off.” I responded through gritted teeth, trying to gather myself.
He dipped forward, gathering saliva before slowly spitting it out, the stream of spit pattering against my spread lips. The sound was obscene.
“That’s not very nice.”
Tears of frustration began to build up as I discarded my hands into those loose blonde strands, knocking his hat off. “You love it.”
The grin he sent me was feral and I knew this was exactly what I needed. “I sure do, princess.”
He enclosed his mouth against my swollen clit and sucked roughly, a loud shout erupting from the depths of my chest. JJ parted my lips again, forcing his tongue inside and out, again and again, devouring every inch of my pussy.
My cunt clenched against his tongue making him moan loudly. My body was burning as he swirled his tongue along the bundle of nerves once more. Another cry left me as I tried to find something to grab onto. His tongue lapped up all the fluids that continued to come out and I found myself forgetting how to breathe.
I pushed his face deeper, grinding against his nose that continuously rubbed against my clit, my fingers tugging at his hair, needing a release. The knot in my lower stomach began to tighten as I whispered his name again and again like a prayer. The sound of my breathy pleas spur him on as he slipped two fingers in my pussy, meeting no resistance.
The squelching noises had me throwing my head back against the mirror which had begun to fog up. I clenched around his large fingers that rubbed against my sensitive walls wanting him to lose control.
JJ curled his fingers upward causing my knees to buckle and my mind go blank. I was close and he knew based on the tremors the shook my legs. I could barely hold myself up as everything went fuzzy.
A choked moan escaped my lips that curled into a ‘o’ as his mouth sucked that rigid spot of flesh while his fingers continued to hammer into me. The invisible band snapped and as a wave of pleasure washed over me. My body finally began to relax as I tried to catch my breath, my chest rising and falling dramatically.
I spared a glance at him. JJ’s eyes were low, eyes pitch black and glued to my face, and his cheeks flushed red. He looked pussy drunk.
“Looks like I have to clean you up.” He mumbled against the flesh of my thighs. My eyes rolled to the back of my head as his hot tongue began to catch all the arousal that dripped down my thighs. I was sensitive and tried to move back, but his hands locked around my thighs to keep them open. Shives forced their way up my spine as he lapped all my fluids up, humming as he went along, not leaving one bit of skin untouched. JJ pressed one last kiss before pulling back and licking his lips.
My heart hammered through my chest and vaguely though my haze of pleasure did I hear a murmur.
“Huh?” I felt him smile against my thigh, clearly finding my delirious state funny.
“Barry, man, have you seen her?” Rafe’s voice drifted under the door.
I froze at the sound of his voice, my eyes darting to JJ who just smirked from his spot between my legs.
“She’s right here, man.” JJ whispered, straightening up to press a kiss on the crown of my head. I shook my head at him, my eyes wide with a silent plea, but JJ disregarded it.
“She’s a little busy at the moment.”
I shook my head, pressing my palm against his mouth, his next words coming out muffled. He never knew when to shut up. The last thing I needed was Rafe finding us in his bathroom.
I kept my hand on JJ’s mouth until footsteps faded and we were alone once again.
JJ nipped at the palm of my hands, his tongue slipping out. My face screwed up as I let out a squeal, “Ew, Jayj.”
“Shouldn’t have tried to shut me up to protect your boyfriend’s feelings.” He said the words lightly, but I could hear the slight edge in his tone.
Pushing him off my softly, I hopped off the counter with shaky legs. “Since when do you care about Rafe’s feelings?”
I winced as I tried to take a step, my knees nearly knocking together from the aftershock. JJ always left me a shaking disheveled mess afterwards, but I felt lighter, because he was looking at me the way he used to.
And, I wanted that to last just a bit longer.
“I don’t care about his feelings-“ He scoffed, before pausing at the teasing smile on my lips. “You’re fucking with me.”
“Too easy.” I let out a shriek of laughter as JJ's arms wrapped around my waist, lifting me up in the air.
That was how I found myself sweaty, pressed against Rafe’s sheets, struggling to breathe. The violent sound of skin slapping echoing in the room, my raspy moans intertwining with his hot pants.
One of JJ’s hands gripped the back of my head, pinning me to the mattress, the other pushing down on my back, forming a deep arch, to pull his cock in deeper.
I couldn’t register anything he was muttering as he bottomed out since of me, my mind go blank. My walls spasmed against him with each rut of his hip, sucking him back in every time he pulled back.
I was soaked, my pussy dripping around him. The sopping wet noises spurring him on, his pace quickening with those deep purposeful strokes.
I couldn’t focus on anything but him. The smell; the feel of him. The way his cock continued to brush against my cervix made me borderline delicious.
“Fuck,” JJ shuddered, rolling his hips in and out of my pussy had me clamping around him once more, a tidal wave beginning to build up inside me.
I whimper left me, the coil in my stomach pulling tight as I searched for a release. The tip of his cock pressed into me repeatedly, forcing my legs to shake once more.
My hands searched for something to hold onto as I tried to anchor myself from being drowned in pleasure. “J. J, I-I cant-I’m gonna-“
I felt his pace begin to pick him, his cock twitching inside me as he continued his movements, grinding his hips against the globes of my ass, until there was no space between us.
It was like he was imprinting himself into my skin. Like he didn’t want me to forget him.
As if I could ever forget JJ Maybank.
My whines got louder, his words becoming more and more depraved. His large calloused hands ran all over my body like he was etching it to memory.
Quick and quiet gasps bled from my parted lips, as he hammered into me from behind, his hands lacing with mine against the sheets.
The coil in my stomach snapped, white flash blinding my vision, this orgasim more intense than the first. I could feel myself coating his hips and upper thighs, fluids dripping on the sheets.
I could hear JJ’s voice whine, he began to babble nonsense under his breath, with each languid thrust.
My heartbeat was in my ears as I pushed my hips back to match his thrusts, wanting him to finish despite all my sensitivity coming to head. His nails dug my hips, my cunt suffocating as he continued to grunt his cock into me.
“Fuck, Kiara.” His grunt echoed in the room.
Kiara?
I went numb. I couldn’t breathe-I couldn’t, I needed-
Bile coated my throat as whatever childish hope I had shriveled up in my chest. So I laid there, not knowing what to do, as JJ continued to pump in and out of me, but the soft intimacy we shared before dissipated.
Why did no one ever pick me? Why didn’t anyone want me?
I let my body go limp even though everything in me wanted to shove him off, but I just couldn’t get myself to move.
That was all it took for JJ to realize the slip of his tongue. JJ froze behind me as I shoved my face into my arms and choked on a gut wrenching sob.
“Fuck, I-hold on,” JJ’s panick was audible as he slowly pulled out of me. I cupped my mouth to try and muffle the scream I wanted to let out.
His blue eyes widened in horror at his mistake but it was too late. The words were already burned into my mind, replaying on a torturous loop.
JJ’s hand reached out for me, but I shrank back, scrambling to the headboard, desperate to put distance between us.
I curled into myself, pressing my back hard against the headboard, willing for myself to disappear.
“What did you just call me?” My chin wobbled. I tried to remind myself to breathe but with each inhale, my lungs were saturated with pain.
“I-That was an accident.” He stuttered, raking his hands through his hair roughly.
“Get out.”
“It just slipped out, I didn’t mean it.”
“Get the hell out, JJ.” I yelled, and pointed at the door with a shaky finger.
Like I said, his words never dented me, no they completely destroyed me. They cut me like a freshly honed razor blade.
And I was going to die of blood loss if I didn’t get him to leave this room. He had no problem leaving me then, why was he fighting it now?
Was he thinking about her the whole time he was inside me?
Thought after thought haunted me. Was he comparing our bodies? Was he comparing the sex?
Mortification had my stomach churning as I debated what to do next. My body was wound tight, on the verge of hyperventilating.
Did he love her? Did he love her like he used to love me? Did he fuck her the way he fucked me?
I hated him. Before him, none of these thoughts would have crossed my mind. I may have been alone but at least I liked who I was. I never would have questioned myself the way I am now. But after him, the only thing I hated more than him was myself.
“Was Kiara not available,” I murmured, “so you came to the one person you knew would say yes?”
JJ didn’t find my joke funny. The air was tense, as if we were trapped in a steamed up bathroom, making each breath harder than the last.
“Kie and I aren’t together.”
“JJ, you know where the door is. Use it.”
“I don’t want to leave.” He shook his head, his eyes flickering with something heavy.
“You had no problem doing it before.”
“That was-“ JJ squeezed his eyes shut, his fists clenching and unclenching at his sides. “I shouldn’t have done that.”
He shuffled closer to my body, but still wasn't touching me. I nibbled on my bottom lip and wiped the remaining tears from my cheeks hastily.
“I’m sorry.” He said, clearing his throat. “I am so so sorry.”
I lost my grip completely as those eyes perverted mine. His eyes were so blue, it was easy to get lost in them.
Words couldn’t find their way out of my mouth. With wary eyes, I watched as he stood up and disappeared in the bathroom before appearing again with his shirt.
JJ reached for me before pausing, his eyes asking a silent question. I nodded, forcing myself to loosen the grip I had on the sheets.
I let him put the shirt on me, its protection better than the flimsy sheet. JJ dropped his head on my chest, his tan arms wrapped around my waist, curling himself into me.
“I’m sorry.”
I was sorry too. I waited for months for him to be back in my arms, but he ruined every independent thought I had. I couldn’t stop the overthinking. I couldn’t stop the pain.
I was hurting too, but I was the one comforting him. I was always the one comforting him. What about me?
I laid on the soft sheets and stared up at the ceiling. Our heavy breathing echoing in an otherwise silent room. His heavy arm tossed over naked torso, his fingers softly tracing the curve. The whisper of his breath caressing the nape of my neck where his face was buried. The familiar tickle of his golden strands brushing against my nose, his coconut shampoo wafting my senses.
The JJ induced haze began to clear up and the ugliness began to set in.
A single tear escaped my eye, its trailing burning it’s way down the side of my face. I loved him. Even after he willingly abandoned me. After he humiliated me in front of everyone. After he called me her name.
I couldn’t cut him out. It didn’t matter what he did to me, the minute we’re within the same vicinity, my self preservation disappeared. Then I was left, treading water in the middle of a storm, with nothing but a life jacket.
I had no one to blame but myself in this situation. I knew how he spoke to me, how easily he left me, how embarrassed he was of me. But he just smiled and it was like everything melted away.
I so badly wanted to feel again, but not like this.
So all I can do is lay here. In this bed. With a boy who made me hate the kind person that I was.
I made my bed. I didn’t realize this was how I’d feel when I lied in it. I turned into someone I hated. And suddenly I was bone-tired, exhaustion suffocating my lungs. I had no idea who I was and I was tired of being someone I wasn’t.
“Where are my clothes?” I said. God, I needed to leave this room before Rafe found me.
“I wasn’t really focused on that part, babe.” JJ mumbled, burrowing himself deeper into my side.
My stomach lurched. I thought I’d feel different. I thought that maybe this would fix everything. That in some deluded way, we would get back together and everything else didn’t matter. Like he didn’t leave me standing at the party after stomping on my chest.
“I need them.” I mumbled. I choked down the need to throw up. The feel of our sweat coating my body and his soft breaths against my skin had me almost hyperventilating.
Home, he used to be home. But, I’ve never felt like more of a stranger than in his arms right now. This was no longer my home.
Kook pussy. Daddy issues.
I fucked up. Fuck, I fucked up.
This only made me feel worse. I was good enough to fuck, but not enough to stay.
“What are you in such a hurry for?” His fingers paused their persistent movement.
“I have to get back-“
“To who?” JJ snapped.
I moved to sit up, dragging the sheet with me as I avoided his gaze. “You know who.”
He didn’t need to know that Rafe and I basically ended. I just wanted him to hurt in the same way I did.
He let out a scoff. “You can’t be serious?”
“Dead serious.”
“This isn’t like you-“
“You left. You don’t know who I am anymore.”
“Clearly,” he chuckled under his breath, “But suddenly Rafe does?”
I shrugged. “He’s my friend.”
“I don’t give a fuck who he is-“
I tuned him out. I was too busy trying to get his actual voice out of my head.
Kiara. Not me. Kiara. Not me.
It had taken every bit of strength to not chase after him that day. To not call and text, begging for him to give me the time of day. And I know, I know I should be stronger. I know I should have said good riddance and moved on, but love was never simple.
When I saw him tonight, I thought that maybe it was fate. So all the waiting, all the practice of self control paid off because he came back. But, was this what was waiting for me?
“You slept with me,” I said, “ but you’re thinking about her?”
I didn’t want to know the answer, but I had to ask it. It was just one of a million questions I had since the day he walked away. Was there something I could have done differently?
I was wracking my brain to see where I had gone wrong, but maybe I just fell in love with the wrong person.
“From what I hear, you don’t care about anything these days. Why would you care about this?” I couldn’t detect any emotion in his words, just cold hard facts.
I really was out here exceeding everyone’s expectations of me.
But, he had to know that when it came to him, I always cared too much. That’s why his words caused another jagged piece of my heart to puncture my chest.
“Why would I care?” I whispered, shaking my head at him. “Are you listening to yourself?”
Had I deluded myself so much into thinking we experienced the same love in our relationship? How could he even question that. Everything I did was always for him.
“I care about you, that never changed.”
Something pained flickered through his gaze. “Care about me? Yet your fucking Rafe Cameron.”
“You’re mad about that?” I choked on a humorless laugh,”Let me jog your memory real quick since apparently you’ve got amnesia, you were the one that told me to be with him.”
“Well, I didn’t think you’d actually do that to me.”
I threw my arms up in the air, exasperated,”Then why say it at all? Wait, I forgot who I’m talking to. You’re the king of saying shit you don’t mean.”
“Saying shit and actually doing it are two different things.”
“Well, you did do it Jayj.” My lungs hitched.
His jaw tightened, tension seeping out of him in waves.
“You left. You did the one thing you promised you’d never do. You didn’t even look back as you did it.” I shouted, tears blurring my vision as my body continued to shake from adrenaline. “All because what? Rafe hurt your feelings? Because I have more money than you?”
I wanted to understand him. I thought I did once, but the more I thought about our breakup the more I saw it had nothing to do with me. And everything to do with him.
“Do me a favor and grow up. This is the real world. You’d swap places with any one of us in a second if you could.”
JJ narrowed his eyes. “I don’t want any part of your world. I thought I made that clear.”
“I’m aware. But I was there, remember? For every bonfire, for every boat ride with you and your friends. What was it you guys said again?” It rushed out of me, “to going full kook?”
He watched me stoically, his fingers tugging at his bracelets.
“I guess you’re the only one that can have the money in the relationship?” I raised my eyebrow at him, waiting for him to respond.
The beautiful blonde boy that seeped into my bloodstream and made me love him. But, ruined us in the process. He destroyed everything he touched.
He pressed the heel of his palms against his eyes,
“What happened?”
“You want to know what happened? You fucking happened.”
That familiar anger flared in his eyes and I knew exactly what he was going to do. What he always did to me, but this time, I wasn’t going to let him erase me. Not again.
“Let’s talk about who you turned into?” JJ spat vehemently. “What? Rafe buys you a nice purse and you’re suddenly snorting lines of coke?”
“It was actually a couple purses.”
JJ shot daggers at me. “So what? You’re proud of that?” No, I only wanted someone to care about me if I died.
“I’m only doing what you told me, I’m sorry you don’t like the person you turned me into.”
I didn’t like her much either. But, JJ never gave me more and I realized he would never give me more, no matter how much I pushed. No matter how hard I tried to get him to see that I was the one he should be with.
It pained me that it took all of this for me to realize that there were parts of JJ he would never let anyone have.
“Why are you still here?” I said quietly. “I’m not going to let you sit here and make me feel like shit for how I chose to cope with what you broke.”
I was done giving the men in my life power over me. I needed to stand on my own two feet even if that meant I had to do it alone.
“Feel like shit?” JJ nodded his head with mock outrage,” Princess, you just let me fuck you in your boyfriend’s bed. I think you feel like shit already.”
He was right, but I still recoiled back at the venom he spat at me. I sagged with exhaustion. He was just lashing out the way he always did.
“I didn’t know, JJ.” My voice cracked. “I-I didn’t know. I just did what I thought I was supposed to do.”
JJ’s head snapped up at the waver in my voice. His ocean eyes showed a clear battle, one I knew he’d lose. “S-Sometimes it just felt like I wasn’t good enough.”
His confession broke me. I knew the thoughts that ravaged his brain only because those same thoughts now drown in mine.
My fingers twisted the hem of the shirt that my body was swimming in, a nervous tic I never got rid of. “But I never said that to you, you listened to everyone but me. You were more than enough.”
A tortured look passed his face, like the obvious miscommunication had disrupted everything. “I thought I was being paraded around to prove a point.”
I roughly wiped the tears that kept falling, “It’s okay to not want to struggle for everything in your life, JJ. You were exhausted and I just wanted to help you.”
“I didn’t know. I-just didn’t know.” I continued to repeat. And I didn't. I had no experience with love. I wanted him to have the world since he was born with less than most people I knew, yet he deserved so much more.
“You let your friends help you, I don’t understand how I was any different.”
His blonde hair was sticking up in multiple directions, a clear sign of his obvious distress. "Because they’re my family."
Irremediable sorrow burrowed in my chest. "But, I was your family too."
I felt layers of grief his me in waves, quick and hard, one after the other as I came to terms with the fact that JJ never considered me any part of his family.
"You were the only family I ever had. I thought I was your family.” I sniffled, my ribs began to ache from the constant crying.
A loud crack had me jump back as Rafe bursted into the room, chest heaving from exertion. He paused, his eyes locking in on the messed up sheets before dragging over to me and scanning my disheveled appearance.
I thought we hit a milestone. JJ finally started talking and letting me know exactly what was going on in that brain of his. And maybe, that would be enough for me, for now. This all happened because JJ didn’t know how to communicate and I knew that wasn’t his fault, but at one point he needed to grow up.
I was willing to hold his hand while he did it. But I watched as JJ’s eyes clocked the necklace Rafe wore with my initials. His gaze narrowed at the purse in his hand and my car keys in the other.
The jealousy was evident in the way he rolled his shoulders back, his face granite. “Cute necklace.”
Rafe smirked, tilting his head to the side. “Thanks. It looks even better swinging in her face.”
JJ’s cool demeanor dropped, his blue eyes darkened into a brewing storm. “Enjoy my seconds, bro.” He clapped Rafe on the chest.
My heart popped in my chest at his words, another bandage would do little to fix the shards that once resembled a heart. And, I knew then, that JJ confirmed the conclusion I just came to myself.
“JJ?”
“What?”
“You were right. I do deserve better than you.”
Loving him cost me something much greater: myself.
I couldn’t continue to hide myself in any man that told me pretty words. I was no longer my own person, just a mere extension of them. One that they treated poorly and only took out when they were bored. I was always willing to do what they would never do for me.
I was just a girl, in love with an extraordinary boy who couldn’t see past all the things he was not.
I walked over to where Rafe was, forcing myself to remember his cruel words also. It was the only way I could get myself to walk out of here. My eyes lingered on the necklace for a second before I pulled my keys from his grasp and grabbed my purse.
I wore nothing but JJ’s shirt, but at the moment I couldn’t care less. I left my clothes in Rafe’s bathroom, deciding it was better to leave them then spend another second in either of their soul sucking presence. I could always buy another dress.
I couldn’t buy another me. Not if I kept letting these boys break me.
This time, I was the one that never looked back.
Side note: I WROTE THIS THREE TIMES so pls pls pls be nice to me. I tried to incorporate a lot of people's ideas. I know the OC is very wishy washy but she's so real for that.
TAG LIST: @maybankslover @theficshop @cantbecreative @plk-18
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Something to Learn
Pairing: JJ Maybank x fem!reader (nickname Zee) x John B
Warning: 18+ MDNI, angst, smut, choking, hair pulling, edging, piv, mentions of drinking and smoking, bruises, abusive/toxic dad, no Sarah yet, not edited/proofread
A/N: this was requested by @lovesickformaybank ... I feel like it’s not my best work of smut :/ but enjoy!
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It was a slow night, Kie, Pope, JJ, John B and I has been bored the whole day. We’ve drank, we smoked, we went around the whole island and to the mainland. Yet we still are bored as hell.
Now we were on the HSM Pogue, all of us on the bow in a daze looking up at the night sky. The stars were different tonight, like they were calling out to me as we were moving across the small waves of the water.
It was one of the colder nights of Summer at OBX. JJ laid on his back on the bow floor with just a hoodie keeping him warm, his arms behind his head. Kie and Pope were sitting distant from each other, their legs are sharing a blanket. John B and I doing the same.
“Zee, you see that over there?” John B pointed up into the dark sky.
“Wait hold on, let me see.” I scooted closer to him, our thighs touching.
I closed one of my eyes, following up his arm to see where he was pointing at.
“Those stars? What about them?” I turned to face him, our faces just an inch apart. I can feel his breath fan over my face, I smell the mixture of weed and beer that we’ve been consuming all of today.
He smiles at me, his eyes scanning my face before turning his head away from me. “That is the Big Dipper.”
“Oh that’s pretty. Can you show me more?” I gripped at his bicep, resting my jaw on his shoulder.
“Zee.” JJ called out, making me quickly look down at him on the boat floor. “What are you doing?”
“Looking at stars.” I blinked, not knowing if I did something wrong.
“Come lay with me.” he wasn't asking, JJ never asked much.
“John B is showing me stars.”
“Constellations.” John B corrected.
“Yeah, constellations.” I told JJ before letting out a quiet huff, turning back to John B so he can show me more.
I was surprised that JJ didn't retaliate like he usually does, he always has something to say. All of today he was different, he was more quiet. I asked him repeatedly if there was something wrong but he just brushed it off with a ‘nothing’.
John B showed me so many constellations and the brightest start in the North, Arcturus. He told me how he knows all about them, and other cute little facts.
An hour later everyone began to get tired and cold, we were begging to go home where it would be warmer.
Once we docked at the chateau, everyone began walking into the Routledge home, except JJ.
“J, where are you going?” Kie asked, her body wrapped in a burrito blanket.
All of our faces looked at JJ all tired, our eyes barely staying open and our bodies swaying from exhaustion.
“Home. C’mon Zee.” he held out my helmet, his already on his head.
“J, it’s late and I'm tired. Let’s just sleep here.” I crossed my arms over my shivering body. My body swaying from the lack of sleep.
“Yeah JJ, you have the whole guest room just for you.” John B tried to convince him.
“We’re going home. Zee put on your helmet and get on.” his tone was harsh, he was demanding.
I knew not to push his buttons, especially when he had alcohol in his system. I wished everyone a good night and lazily dragged my feet to JJ’s motorcycle. I snatched my helmet from his hands and put it on with a groan.
The ride home was quiet. He wasn't singing to music like he usually does. Dead silent.
He parked his bike in front of his house, quickly putting down the kickstand and roughly throwing his helmet onto the dirt.
“J, what the hell is wrong?” I hopped off the bike and gently placed my helmet onto the handle.
I cautiously followed him up to the front door, making sure to keep quiet so we don't wake up Luke. JJ didn't answer, he just stood at the door not moving a muscle and having his back towards me.
“JJ, answer me.” I accentuated my words in a whisper.
He swiftly turned around, his hand finding my throat in seconds. His long fingers wrapped around my neck like it was nothing, squeezing just enough to restrict my breathing a bit. His eyes were dark, pupils blown. His eyebrows were furrowed and his nose flaring.
“You just really like John B, don't you?” he brought my face up to his, I stood on the tips of my toes.
I shook my head sideways, telling him a no.
“Go to the room.” He pushed me away and releasing my throat, I felt at my throat trying to inhale as much air as I can. He didnt even look at me after, he was too busy looking out into the woods.
I quietly walked into the house, seeing a limp body of Luke on the couch. I made my way to the room that JJ and I shared whenever we decided to go back to his house.
I stood in the middle of his room, biting at my nails. My eyes went wide as he stomped his way into the room, closing and locking the bedroom door behind him.
His figure towered over me, his broad shoulders and long hair casted a shadow. His finger traced my skin from my shoulder to my jawline.
His hand gripped at my throat at an alarming speed, he was holding me up to where I was once again on the tips of my toes.
“You’re gonna get naked and sit on the bed for me.” his eyes were dark, no blue to be seen.
He let go of my neck and let me start to strip. He was taking off his clothes too, his eyes watching me as I take off my sweatpants.
He pulled his hoodie off of his torso, his skin littered with purple and yellow marks. How was I not able to catch how sore he was today? He was struggling to pull the article of clothing over his head, his body aching but he tried not to show the pain.
“J.” I stood up and made my way to him, helping him with his hoodie.
His eyes didn't meet mine, he didn't want to talk about it. Luke was just in the living room, he didn't want another fight with his dad especially with me here.
“JJ.” my fingers lightly circles all of the bruises on his abs, his breath shuddering at the touch.
“Strip.” he held me by my wrists, lightly pushing me away from his body.
“JJ, can we just talk about it?” I sat on the edge of the bed taking off my hoodie, leaving me just in my panties and bra.
“I don't want to talk about this.” His finger pointing towards the biggest bruise. “I want to talk about why you were flirting with John B.”
His fingers splayed on my hips, gripping at the waistband of my underwear. His fingers feeling at the lace, twirling it in his fingers before roughly pulling it down my legs.
“Turn around.” I flipped my body with my stomach against the mattress and my bare ass hanging off the bed.
His fingers laced through my hair, pulling my upper body off of the bed. My back arching achingly. His freehand unclasping my bra, pulling it off my chest and off my arms. My tits bouncing from the release.
“You know, I never thought that I’d be dating a whore.” he muttered into my ear, his lips grazing the shell of my ear with each word he says.
His free hand comes down to my rear, a loud and hard smack caused my body to leach forward. My back arching away from his chest, his hand leaving a swelling red handprint.
“I think you need to learn not to flirt with my best friend.”
He pulled down his shorts and underwear, his free hand fisting his hard cock, using his pre-cum as lube. He brought his tip to my dripping core, dragging it around my slit and spreading the slick.
“J.” I quietly moaned out at the teasing. He was so close to my center, his tip missing it on purpose.
He wrapped his hand around my hair one time, pulling my head closer to his shoulder. That’s when he forced his dick inside of me, not letting me adjust to his size. His hips were like pistons, going in and out of me rapidly.
His groans and thrusts were filled with anger, but also lust. My skin was raw from his skin slapping against mine. My hole sore from his shaft dragging at a quick rough pace.
His hand stayed in my hair while his other take grip of my throat, holding my back against his chest. Our bodies shaking the bed, not caring if Luke wakes up from his high.
“I- Im gonna cum.” his thrusts making me stutter out with just the little air I was able to breath in.
He slowly pulled out to where his tip was in me. “No.” he pushed into me, his balls hitting against me.
I was barely holding it, the knot was ready to be untangled. My body shook from the strain of keeping it in. I can feel his cock twitch inside me, his thrusts stuttering.
“Oh fuck!” he groaned loud for the whole side of the cut to hear.
He pulled out and released onto my back, my euphoria taking a pause. He finished, but I didn't. I was a whining mess, pushing back my ass into his hard cock, trying to get some sort of movement.
“JJ.” I exhaustedly snapped at him.
“Only good girls get to cum.” his hand tightening in my hair, I winced.
“I- im a good girl.” I whined against, rutting back against him.
“Good girl don't flirt with their boyfriends best friend.” he let go of my hair and throat, pushing my body forward into the bed. He tucked himself back into his boxers and shorts, leaving me a whining naked mess.
“JJ, please.” I got up from the bed, on my knees where he stood at his dresser. “Please! I’ll do anything!”
Tears formed at the corners of my eyes, the salty liquid falling down my cheeks. It was bubbling inside me, wanting to spill over but not able to. I was so close to popping.
He found some clean clothes and went to the bathroom, paying me no attention. Not letting me finish. He was punishing me. He knew none of my toys would satisfy me. He knew my fingers couldn’t reach the heavenly areas his fingers, tongue, and cock could.
This was my punishment.
#gxdsfavgals masterlist#jj maybank#jj maybank smut#jj maybank fluff#jj maybank angst#jj obx#obx jj#obx fluff#obx angst#obx smut#rudy pankow#rudy pankow fluff#rudy pankow angst#rudy pankow smut#outerbanks#outer banks#outerbanks jj#jj outer banks
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suspicion
— pairing: JJ Maybank x Reader | Topper Thornton x Reader (platonic)
— type: angst
— summary: JJ suspects something is going on between you & Topper.
— a/n: read the message at the end :)
— warnings: mentions of cheating // cursing // violence (not towards reader) // angst
JJ left on most days to hangout with the Pogues. You began to feel quite lonely, so you decided to hang out with Topper, your best friend since 4th grade. JJ knew that you & Topper were friends, but he couldn’t help the growing feeling that maybe there was something going on between the two of you behind his back.
The trust that you & JJ had been building for years was slowly crumbling down. He didn’t trust you anymore.
One day, JJ couldn’t take it anymore. He got so frustrated with the thought of you possibly cheating on him that he needed to confront you.
When you went over to the Chateau that evening, you sensed something was wrong but you kept that to yourself.
“Hey bub” you said as you entered the house.
“Hey can you come to my room for a second?”JJ called from his bedroom.
You slowly & quietly walked to his bedroom, only to see him sitting there with no facial expression. You stood in the doorway silently.
“Umm hey?” you said in attempt to break the awkward tension in the room. JJ looked up at you and you could tell that he was pissed about something.
“What’s going on with you & Topper?” he asked, his tone sounding aggravated.
“What do yo-”
“Nah cut the shit. I know you and Topper are doing shit behind my back. Just let me know and I will end this right now” he said as he gestured between the both of you.
“JJ what the fuck? I’m not doing anything with Topper. He’s my best friend and he always has been since 4th grade” you replied, clearly getting aggravated at his accusation.
“I’ve seen this plenty of times before, Y/n. If you don’t wanna be with me, all you have to do is tell me” JJ said.
“Do you fucking hear yourself?? We’ve been together for nearly two years! Two damn years with your stubborn ass. I wouldn’t do something like that, especially not to you” you said, your tone getting much louder than usual.
“Yeah well I thought you wouldn’t stoop that low, but here we are. Get the fuck out my house” JJ said, completely done with your “lies”.
“I'm not leaving until you hear me out”
“I said get the fuck out. I don’t wanna say it again” JJ yelled at you as he punched the wall, causing you to flinch.
You stood there for a moment, trying to process what the fuck just happened. After gathering your thoughts & emotions, you left the room and grabbed your bag that was discarded on the couch.
As you grabbed your bag, you felt all eyes on you as John B, Pope & Kie had just arrived at the Chateau, having just heard your entire conversation with your now ex-boyfriend.
Refusing to make eye contact with anyone to avoid letting the tears fall, you stormed out of the house without a word.
As soon as you shut the door to the house, you let all of your emotions go. You quickly wiped your tears and went to your car, locking yourself in and not wanting anyone else to join you.
Silent sobs left your tear-stained face as you began to calm yourself down. You didn’t know who to call, so you drove to the only other place you felt safe: In the arms of your best friend, Topper Thornton.
part 2
#lulu writes !!#outer banks#obx#obx fic#jj obx#obx angst#obx fanfiction#jj outer banks#outer banks jj#jj maybank#jj maybank angst#rudy pankow#rudy pankow angst
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Six Feet Under the Stars | Rudy Pankow | Prologue
When Thea Ross comes back into Rudy Pankow's life five years after he graduated high school, he's not prepared for her to tell him their last encounter resulted in more than he bargained for.
words: 3.5 k
A/N: Oh look I finally got around to posting this. This has been edited and this version @teelagurl558 hasn’t read yet teehee. Okay I am going to bed now.
tagging people who might be interested: @pankowperfection @pankhoeforlife @sweettartforrudy
“Dorothea Claire Ross, how dare you enter this room without giving me a hug.” Chase Stokes' voice rang out across the meeting room from where he sat on the opposite side and end of the table from where the bleach blonde had just sat down. She held back the urge to roll her eyes at the twenty-eight year old, standing up to walk around the table to give him a tight hug.
“Where’s Em?” He whispered in her ear, “You didn’t tell me you got the role, bitch.”
“Mama Jen has her, Rylie said she would bring her in a couple weeks when I’m settled in my apartment.” She whispered back. “And after I got the role, I disclosed to Jonas that you are my cousin and asked him not to tell you, it was supposed to be a surprise. Speaking of surprises, he’s not here yet?”
“No. He’s stuck in traffic but should be here soon, he’s supposed to be in front of you.” He confirmed. “You’re gonna have to tell him.”
She glared at him but said nothing, pulling away to return to her seat and sip at her too large, extra caffeinated salted caramel cream cold brew. She knew Chase already had the order memorized from how long he’d been buying it for her, and she could tell he remembered as he made a gagging motion as she took a drink. With a smirk, she sent a playful middle finger his way.
“So, uh, not to pry or anything but what was that about? Clearly you and Chase know each other.” Madison was the first to speak after a moment of silence.
“Oh. Yeah, we do.” Thea confirmed. “Known him for all 22 years of my life.”
“Thea is my cousin.” Chase explained. “My mom and her mom were sisters. Thea’s mom unfortunately passed away when she was a kid, and my mom kind of took over in the mom department because no offense to Uncle Grant but he had no idea what he was doing, so she’s like my little sister. She moved to live with my mom when she was 17 and that’s when we got super close.”
Thea snorted, trying not to burst into laughter at him when he referred to her as his sister. From the corner of her eye she saw Rudy walk into the room, so she didn’t say what she was about to, just bit her lip and smiled politely at the blonde who sat down in front of her, apologizing for being late.
Throughout the table read, Rudy kept staring at her like he knew her from somewhere, but couldn’t quite place where. She knew she was going to have to tell him everything and she was dreading it. As the room cleared out, the pair stayed at the table, and Chase shot her a look as he left, silently asking her if she was okay. When she nodded, he smiled and left, leaving her and Rudy the only two still in the room.
She could see the wheels turning in his head, making her try not to laugh as she sipped on her coffee and gathered her things to head back to her apartment. Finally, with a shake of her head she spoke to him for the first time in nearly five years.
“Ketchikan High School.” She told him. “I can still read your mind, Rudeth. Just because it’s been five years.”
“I thought it was you.” He said. “Your hair changed, and uh, you look good.”
“Uh, thanks. You look good too.” She half smiled. “Hey, uh, I actually need to talk to you about something. It’s not work related and I honestly should have told you five years ago, but I didn’t know I needed to tell you.”
The blonde man raised an eyebrow at her in confusion. “Oh?”
“Yeah, uh, would you want to come back to mine so we can talk?” She asked. “I mean, if it would be okay with Elaine. I don’t want to cause an issue with her, I’m not trying to break you up over you hanging out with me or something. Not that I think she’s a controlling person or anything. Jesus Christ, I’m just going to shut up now before I have to bury myself alive.”
Rudy cracked a smile as he laughed. Thea stayed quiet as she took him in again. She couldn’t help but notice for the first time just how much her daughter actually looked like her father. It was the same crooked grin that Emma gave her on a daily basis, and if she was being honest it was probably her favorite thing about her ex best friend.
“Yeah, no, it’s fine.” he told her. “She’s out running errands then she has a meeting as well. I’ll just text her I’m catching up with you. Did you drive?
“No.” She told him. “I took an Uber.”
“Excellent, you give me the address and I’ll drive.”
So admittedly, the drive to her apartment was tense. She knew it wouldn’t be as carefree as the drives they took in high school. Chewing on her lip, she glanced at the man driving as she tried to not imagine how different her life would be if she’d managed to tell him about Emma when she found out she was pregnant, but she couldn’t help herself.
Would they still be acting, or would Rudy have given everything up to support his family? Actually, that was a stupid question because she knew the answer to that one. She knew that if Rudy had even had an inkling that she was pregnant when he moved to LA, he’d have been back in Alaska, or joining her in Florida. He’d be working a dead end job to support his daughter and would be doing everything in his power to make sure she was getting everything she wanted and more.
That had been a huge reason why she hadn’t told him, knowing that he’d give up all of his success in a heartbeat to support his daughter. She couldn’t dwell on that now, knowing that in just a few minutes he was going to know about Emma Raine Pankow, and she didn’t know how he was going to react to that. All she could do was hope that it went well.
One thing was for sure and certain, Rudy Pankow was about to get the biggest shock of his lifetime in the form of a blonde haired, blue eyed little girl and Thea wasn’t the one to blame for him not knowing, at least completely.
☼☽⋆｡°✧ ✧⋆°｡☾☼
As soon as the pair were in Thea’s apartment, she was nervous. She didn’t know how to bring it up, but knew it was going to have to happen and soon. With a sigh, she let them and made a beeline to the kitchen to find them something to drink, playing her words over and over in her head as she considered how to break the news.
“Who’s this? She’s adorable!” Rudy had picked up one of the framed photos of Emma waiting to be hung up from the counter, studying it closely. “Are you a mom, Thea?”
Okay, so maybe she didn’t actually have to tell him that she was a mom now. She did however, much to her dismay, have to tell him he was a father. That was the scary part. You can do this, Thea, just say it. Rip it off like a bandaid.
“I am. She’s four as of February 19th.” She told him, pulling two Pepsis out of the fridge and handing him one. “Her name is Emma, by the way. And her Nana and Gammy absolutely adore her.”
“She’s four?” He raised an eyebrow. “Oh fuck, Thea, if she’s four and she was born in February. I-.”
“I didn’t find out until I was already in Florida, Ru,” she said. “I didn’t have your new number and I tried messaging you on social media but you never answered. Your mom and dad, Gammy and Gamps, by the way, didn’t even know until I went back for Christmas. I was eight months in at that point.”
“Can I meet her?” He asked. “I mean, I want to meet her. What does she call your dad and stepmom?”
“Poppy and Lola.” She told him. “And Chase’s mom and stepdad are Nana and Pa.”
“So Chase?” He asked quietly, not sure if he was really ready for the answer.
“Is my cousin, Ru.” She told him. “His mom is my moms sister. But he has been nothing but the best Uncle Chase to Emma Raine this whole time.”
“Emma Raine?“ he smiled softly. “Like, after your mom?”
“Mhm” she hummed, “Emma Raine Pankow. The plan was always to tell you, Ru. You have all your rights to your daughter, you’re on her birth certificate.”
It was quiet for a moment, like Rudy was trying to absorb the information that she’d just told him. He was a father. He’d gotten his best friend pregnant the one time they slept together before they both moved to separate sides of the lower forty eight, and she’d kept it from him for nearly five years. He had a four year old daughter, and he didn’t even know it. This had to be some sort of cruel joke, right?
“Press is gonna have a field day with this, you know.” He half laughed. “”Outer Banks actor teen father” I can see the headline now. Of course, they’ll have to actually read the article to see that the mother of said child is my friend with benefits from high school turned co star. And I had no fucking idea the kid even existed.”
Thea didn’t exactly like his tone when he said that, spinning on her heels to glare at him and trying to contain her anger. Unfortunately her temper had always been an issue for her, although it had gotten better with motherhood. But standing here, looking at him with so much anger on his face, like all the information had just caught up to him, and his condescending tone made her snap.
“Excuse me?” She started walking towards him. “I tried to tell you! I messaged you multiple times, I called your mother to get your new number and she never called me back. Which I took to mean that you didn’t want me to have your number. So I made an executive decision, asshole. I chose to keep my mouth shut. You wouldn’t understand, you can’t. You don’t understand Ru, I chose to do this. I chose to keep her a secret, the only other damn person on set that knows about our daughter is Chase. This far from my first role, you can fucking google me, but you won’t find one mention of Emma Pankow on the internet, unless you follow my damn private Instagram. Which you, by the fucking way, unfollowed six days after you moved. I wasn’t even settled in Florida yet but you know what was settled already? Your daughter in my body. I chose to keep my mouth shut, to keep her a secret and not ruin your life because I chose to ruin mine!”
“That wasn’t your decision to make,” he seethed at her. “It wasn’t your right to keep my daughter away from me for four fucking years, Thea! I had no idea she even fucking existed! I lost out on four years of being a fucking father to my child! Four years, Thea! I missed it all. I don’t have a god damn bond with my daughter because of you. Yeah, we were fucking teenagers when I oh so unfortunately ruined your life, but that wouldn’t have stopped me from giving everything up for her, for you. But you know that and you still selfishly kept her to yourself for four years. You’re right by the way, I did tell my mom not to give you my new number but it was for your own benefit, Thea! I thought you deserved better than me.”
Before she could stop herself, her hand came up and made contact with his face. The force of the slap made him gasp in shock as his hand came up to run where he was sure a red mark was forming. Deep down he knew he deserved it, but at that moment he didn’t really care.
“I’m selfish?! You told your mother not to give me your phone number. I told her it was important, which she found out two months before your daughter was born. That’s selfish Rudy. If you wanted to cut ties with me you should have told me in the airport that day. Did you? No. Instead, you told me you loved me and that you would wait for me to finish high school and come to LA with you. That was the plan right? I go to Florida for my senior year and then I move in with you in LA.” Her voice was raw as she yelled at him. “So, yeah, Rudy, you missed everything, four years of it but it’s not entirely my fault, is it? You missed every doctor's appointment, every kick, the birth of your daughter. You know what else you missed? Me going back to school two and a half weeks after I had an emergency c section, against doctor’s advice, because I was so sick when I was pregnant I didn’t have any days left. You missed Chase working nights and then staying with your daughter from 7:30-4 every day so I could fucking graduate. You missed me not even getting to walk across the stage because your daughter was in the NICU with RSV and they didn’t know if she was going to make it. That was the fourth time I tried to get your number, asshole. I thought that if she didn’t make it, you’d at least like to know I did everything in my power to make sure she did. You missed her first day of preschool, you missed her first steps, first words — which was fucking dad, by the way, and you missed so many sleepless nights, you prick. Not because I was up with her, but because I was crying over you. You were my best friend, I gave everything to you, and you moved to Los Angeles and dropped me like I was nothing to you.”
Before he could respond properly, the door swung open, as she hadn’t locked it behind her and Chase came walking in, sighing and rubbing his temples as he took in the scene in front of him. Thea was seething, her chest heaving as she stood in Rudy’s face, waiting for him to respond and Rudy held a pissed off look on his face, his cheekbone starting to bruise from the force of the smack he’d taken minutes before.
“Separate it.” He demanded. “I’m serious, I could hear you both from downstairs.”
“You don’t get to come into my apartment and boss me around, Chase.” Thea sent him a death glare as she turned to look at him. He knew she was pissed so he held back the urge to roll his eyes at her.
“I have been bossing you around for twenty two years, Dorothea, and considering you can’t be trusted to not assault your fucking baby daddy? It’s clearly not stopping now.” He tried to stay calm. “Sit your ass down on that couch right now. Rudy, you can sit on the chair there.” He took a few steps into the kitchen to check her freezer for something to put on the blonde's face, deciding that the bag of frozen carrots was going to have to do before wrapping them in a dish towel and handing them over to him.
“You’re bruising, that should help a bit.” He sighed. “Now, we’re going to talk like adults because we aren’t seventeen anymore. You guys have a child together whether you like it or not. You have an amazing four year old daughter that I knew was yours, Rudy, the moment I met you. And sure, I could have betrayed my little sister and told you but it wasn’t my place and right now we have bigger things to worry about than your butthurt feelings that you didn’t know because you chose not answer your fucking phone because your child is going to be here in approximately four hours.”
“Four hours?” Thea questioned. “No, Rylie isn’t supposed to bring her for two weeks. I don’t have her room set up yet.”
“Rylie called me because she’s been trying to call you.” Chase told her. “Mom had to go out of town and Rylie has classes she can’t miss so she’s gotta bring her today. I came over to help finish getting the apartment ready, but walked into world war three.”
“Right so Rudy should leave.” Thea said.
“You told me I could meet her!” Rudy interjected. Thea rolled her eyes, but decided not snip back at him.
“That was before you called me selfish for doing what I felt was right.” She was calm, almost scarily calm. Chase knew she’d reached a point in her anger where she was so angry she was calm, and knew he needed to step in.
“Okay here’s what we’re going to do before Thea decides to break your nose, Rudy.” He started. “You’re going to leave, and tomorrow, I am going to take Emma to the beach. While I do that, you two are going to talk. Like adults, none of this screaming at each other shit. You don’t need it and neither does Emma.”
“Again.” Thea muttered. “Break his nose again.”
“I’m sorry what?” Chase questioned. It was Rudy’s turn to snort in laughter, wincing as it spread pain through his bruised cheek.
“Thea broke my nose six years ago.” He explained. “That’s how I got the deviated septum.”
“He deserved it then too.” Thea deadpanned.
“I did not!” Rudy argued. Thea rolled her eyes at the blonde. It seemed like, for a moment, they were back to their old selves.
Chase rolled his eyes, moving to stand between them as he fought off the urge to scream. He was twenty eight and it currently felt a lot like breaking up fights between his younger siblings growing up, except this time it was the woman he considered his sister and her baby daddy.
“I don’t care if he deserved it or not.” He spoke calmly. “Rudy, I am politely asking you to leave and when you guys meet up to properly talk tomorrow, for the love of all things holy, do it in a public place.”
“Why because she won’t assault me in public?” Rudy’s snark was back, making Thea clench her jaw. “Clearly you don’t know Thea very well then.”
“Pankow, if you don’t leave I am going to let her knock the shit out of you.” Chase told him as he pinched the bridge of his nose in annoyance. “You and I both know she can throw a punch, and I’m about four seconds from letting her do it.”
“Okay, I’m going.” Rudy stood up, handing the bag of half thawed carrots to Chase. “Tomorrow then. I will text Chase to tell you where to meet up.”
The Stokes-Ross cousins watched as the younger man walked out of the apartment, Chase sighing as he looked at Thea.
“You can’t just hit people because you’re mad at them.” He sighed. “What exactly happened?”
“I don’t want to talk about it right now.” She told him. “I need to get Emma’s room ready and now I have to figure out childcare.”
Chase looked at her with a frown. He knew that she was stressing out, and he didn’t know how he could help it but to help her get the place ready. The absolute one thing he knew for certain was that Rudy and Thea were a hot mess. They always had been, he knew that. He’d spent several weeks trying to get her out of her funk that she was in because of him only to have the truth come out that she’d given everything to her best friend before she moved. He’d been the one that drove her to Walmart at four am to get a pregnancy test, held her when she cried for days because it was positive and she had no way to get ahold of the blonde man.
He’d been the one to sit at the hospital with her for nearly thirty two hours while she was in labor with her daughter, then was the one who stayed with Emma during the day so that Thea could graduate. In a way, he felt like he’d been playing dad to his co-star’s child from the get go, but he was going to make sure that Rudy got the chance to be the dad he deserved to be, even if Thea wasn’t happy about it.
With a soft smile, he turned to look at the blonde girl and sighed.
“Okay” he confirmed. “Tell me what you want me to do.”
#rudy pankow#rudy pankow x oc#rudy pankow x ofc#rudy pankow x original female character#obx fic#obx#outer banks fic#outer banks#rudy pankow fic#rudy pankow fanfiction#rudy pankow angst#rudy pankow fluff#rudy pankow smut#rudy pankow imagine#obx imagine#obx fanfiction#outer banks fanfiction#outer banks imagine#rudy pankow series#SFUTS
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Daddy Issues | JJ Maybank
Warnings: cursing, violence, domestic abuse, angsty
Pairings: JJ Maybank x Female Reader
Summary: In which Y/N was looking for JJ but, when she arrives at her house, she sees how horrible JJ's home life is.
© Honeybear-Yammy, please do not steal, translate, copy, or transfer my work.
You arrived at JJ’s house. Well, you believed it was his house. You basically had to wrestle John B to get the address from him. You walked up the steps and went to knock on the door but when you touched the door, it creaked open a little. You assumed it may have just be JJ home and figured it was safe to go in. You slowly walked in and shut the front door quietly behind you. You looked around and walked into the living room. There was a man passed out on the sofa.
You assumed it was JJ’s father. You slowly walked closer to the couch and then stopped debating on if you should ask him where JJ was. You decided it was worth a shot to ask. “Uh.. excuse me Mr. Maybank-” Before you could finish your sentence a hand came around your mouth to get you to stop talking and you were pulled back, your back pressed against someone’s chest.
You panicked for a moment not knowing who it was until you saw those comforting blue eyes. You sighed in relief when you saw JJ. He slowly took his hand off your mouth and put his index finger over your lips signaling you to be quiet. You corked a brow confused but listen to the blonde boy. He started to lead you to the front door when the two of you herd movement. JJ froze. Luke had woken up.
“What’s going on? What are you doing back here?” Luke asked. From the strong smell of alcohol in the air and by the way he was speaking you figured he was drunk. “Nothing, go back to sleep dad.” JJ said. Luke got a glimpse of you in front of JJ. “Well, well, well.. whose the little thing in front of you? Luke asked. JJ mentally cursed. "Not important, just go back to sleep.” JJ huffed. Luke got up and walked over to the two of you. JJ turned around blocking you from him, trying to protect you from him. Luke simply just pushed JJ out of the way. You blinked shocked that he would act like that towards his own son.
“Who are you sweet thing, hm?” Luke asked putting his fingers under your chin, tilting your head up so he could get a better view of your face. “I- I- uhm-” You stuttered awkwardly feeling wildly uncomfortable. “You got yourself a pretty little thing JJ, why didn’t you ever introduce me?” Luke smirked looking to JJ. “Just get your fucking hands off her!” JJ yelled and shoved Luke away from you.
“Did you just shove me you piece of shit?!” Luke punched him then began to beat on JJ. JJ was fighting back, punching back. Luke got the better of him and was on top of him beating the shit out of him “STOP! YOU’RE HURTING YOUR OWN SON BASTARD!” You screamed trying to get Luke off of JJ. Tears were filling your eyes and you were panicking trying to save JJ from Luke’s verbal and physical abuse.
“Stay out of this you whore!” Luke yelled as he turned around and pushed you harshly. You stumbled and fell back hitting your head and you also twisted your ankle in the process. You whimpered loudly. “DID YOU JUST HURT HER YOU FUCKING DICKHEAD? AND DO NOT TALK ABOUT Y/N LIKE THAT!” He yelled and began to beat the shit out of Luke. You quickly got to your feet and ran over pulling JJ away from Luke.
“Come on please, let’s just leave!” You yelled. JJ got off off Luke and his jaw and fists were clenched. He got up and Luke was on his his back, his nose was bleeding and his lip was busted slightly along with bruises and cuts. JJ began to walk out with you. “Yeah… go run along with your little slut why don’t ya?” Luke said. JJ’s jaw and fists and he turned back around and punched him hard in the jaw. You pulled JJ back holding onto his arm.
“Come on JJ.. let’s just go.” You whimpered, you were scared and in pain. JJ nodded and began to walk out with you when Luke grabbed onto the skirt of your dress. You ended up tripping and fell the floor. Luke grabbed your ankle and harshly tugged you over making you scream. You tried to kick away from him and JJ was yelling at Luke to let go of you. “Let go of me!” You screamed and kicked his arm hard. “You little shit!” Luke yelled. “You’re lucky I don’t beat your fucking ass or worse.” Luke glared still holding on to both of your legs now tightly. “I said let go of me!” You yelled and kicked him in the face.
“ACK!” Luke yelled and let go of you and you scrambled to your feet. You were terrified. You were more scared for JJ than you were for yourself. JJ had to see him a lot, he was his father. You did not doubt that Luke could be capable of murder and the thought of that scared the shit out of you. JJ led you outside and you were shaking slightly and you had some bruises and a few cuts but you were not nearly as badly banged up as JJ was.
“Wait out here ok baby?” He asked. You nodded and watched as JJ headed back in the house. You got butterflies in your stomach, nervous of what Luke would do, or what JJ would do. JJ walked in and kicked Luke in his rib hard making him yell out. “You never lay another fucking hand on her, do you hear me!” JJ yelled. Luke didn’t answer so JJ hit him harshly one more time. “If you ever lay another fucking hand on y/n.. I will beat the shit out of you.” JJ growled and got up then walked back outside.
You were standing there where JJ asked you to wait for him. He walked over and pulled you into a hug, holding you close. “We need to get out of her, now.” He said. You just nodded. “Wanna go to the chateau?” He asked. “Yes.. let’s just get out of here fast please..” You whimpered. JJ kissed your head and he got onto his dirt bike. You got on behind him and wrapped your arms around his torso and he sped off.
Author's Note: tysm for reading!
#obx#outerbanks#outer banks#jj maybank#jj maybank x reader#jjmaybank#jj maybank x f!reader#j. maybank#jj maybank x fem!reader#jj maybank x you#jj maybank x female reader#jj maybank x y/n#jj maybank x kook!reader#jj maybank x oc#angst#obx angst#jj angst#jj maybank angst#rudy pankow#rudy pankow angst#rudy pankow x reader#rudy pankow x female reader#tw abuse#tw violence#tw domestic violence#tw domestic abuse#tw#r. pankow#yammy's fics
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My HUSBAND ❤
Beautiful Man. Mi Amor
@rudystree @rudysslut @rudymaybanks
#outer banks#obx x reader#jj maybank#rudy pankow obx#jj maybank smut#jj obx#jj x reader#obx jj#rudy obx#jj angst#jj maybank angst#jj maybank imagines#jj maybank wallpaper#rudy pankow#rudy pankow avatars#rudy pankow angst#rudy pankow smut#rudy pankow fanfiction#rudy pankow fluff#rudy pankow fic
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Hate to Love You - Chapter 1
Summary: You get hired for what you think is your dream job, only to hate your new employer from the start
Warnings: male masturbation, nothing else really this chapter is tame
A/N: My second series! Let me know if you want to be on the taglist. This in no way reflects my actual opinion of Rudy he definitely isn’t a cocky asshole at least not in a bad way
You were so excited when you got the call, a huge fan of Outer Banks and looking forward to being one of the actor's personal assistant. It sounded too good to be true, getting to be around the cast and witness the action first hand. You didn't know who you had been assigned to, showing up to set on the first day and being greeted by the agent who had hired you. "Hi y/n, so great to meet you in person. Ready for your first day?" You smile, shaking her hand and following her over to the trailer of your new boss. "Alright, here we are. You are going to be working for Rudy. Anything he needs, make sure he gets. If you have any questions, feel free to give me a call."
You take a deep breath, smoothing down the front of your dress and mentally preparing yourself to be face to face with the actor who brings your favorite character, JJ, to life. Your palms are sweaty, hands shaking and heart hammering in your chest. You lift your hand to knock but the door swings open, making you jump back. "Oh, hi beautiful. I don't think fans are supposed to be back here. You can go and watch with all the other girls over there behind the fence." He dismisses you immediately, leaving you standing there with your mouth hanging open at his audacity. What made him think you were some fan just gawking outside of his trailer? Your insides flushed with anger, stomping behind him and struggling to catch up with his long strides.
You finally catch up to him, his eyes widening when he sees you've followed him. He opens his mouth to speak but you cut him off. "For your information, I'm your new personal assistant. I was about to knock on your door and introduce myself before you barged out and assumed I was a fan trying to get a glimpse." "Oh wow. Okay, sorry for the misunderstanding. I'm Rudy, but I'm sure you already knew that." He winks and you only get more annoyed, his attitude pressing all of your buttons. "Yes I know who you are. I'm y/n, thanks for asking. If you need anything, I'll be around just come and find me."
You turn to walk away, planning to find the other assistants and see if any of them were more friendly than Rudy. He catches your hand, forcing your body to stop and turn towards him. "Come on now sweetheart, don't be like that. It was an honest mistake and I apologized. I can think of a few things you could do for me." His ocean blue eyes rake down over your body, pausing a little too long on your cleavage that is visible from the top of your dress. He licks his lips, dragging his gaze slowly back up your frame before meeting your eyes again. "What do you say, y/n?" You yank your hand from his grasp, utterly disgusted that he's already hitting on you, even though he really is hot as fuck. "Does that line ever work for you?" He breaks out into a breathtaking smile, your stomach doing a somersault but already chastising yourself for letting him charm you. Before he can reply he gets called over to do the next scene. You much prefer him as JJ, laid back and joking around often, coming up with witty replies to his cast mates.
The rest of the day goes by smoothly, Rudy trying to be on his best behavior but also wanting to tease you and enjoying your reactions. He made a point between takes to go talk to Chase and Drew, bragging about how hot his new assistant was loudly enough for you to overhear. Both of the other men shot you apologetic glances, knowing that Rudy had run of his previous assistants with his antics and hoping you'd stick around. By the end of the day you were second guessing your ability to keep this job, fighting the urge to tell Rudy how you really felt about all his teasing and flirting. You held your tongue, wanting to prove to yourself that you were cut out for this and promising yourself it would get better. At least the man is easy on the eyes, you told yourself, admiring his tall and toned frame. Your mind starts to wander about how his hair would feel between your fingers and you snap yourself out of it, vowing to not give in to your subconscious who was screaming at you to make a move.
The next shock came after filming wrapped for the day. In a very odd turn of events, you found out that Rudy had made arrangements for you to stay with him in the guest room, apparently not wanting you to be far away when he needed something. "Come on y/n, I don't want to call you when I need something then have to wait 30 minutes or more for you to get here. I think you'll like where we are staying. Just give me a little trust, please?" You let out a breath you didn't realize you'd been holding, resigning yourself to the fact you were about to have a very interesting couple of months. "Fine. Lead the way." You weren't sure how it was possible to hate someone you'd just met and barely knew, but you were already feeling such intense feelings of dislike towards Rudy. He was one of those guys that was aware of the affect he had on women, playing into it as much as possible to get whatever he wanted. You were sure he was used to girls throwing themselves at him, cocky attitude making it very clear he wasn't used to being told no. Little did you know he loved a challenge, already planning many different ways to try to win your affection. He was determined to have you begging for him, turned on by the fact that you openly challenged him.
Luckily the drive was short, you were anxious to shower and get to bed. He waited for you to get out of the car, offering to help with your luggage which you let him, sure he would use the fact against you later. "Here you are, home sweet home." He ushers you into a large room, four poster bed in the middle with stark white bedding. It's way nicer than the hotel you would have been staying in and you're actually grateful for a moment he let you stay with him. He ruins it with the next words out of his mouth. "I'm right down the hall if you change your mind about helping me out with some personal needs." You surprise him and yourself, shoving him forcefully out of the room and slamming the door in his face. You hear him laugh as he walks away, only making you angrier.
Your cold shower does nothing to temper the anger boiling in your system. Why did he think you’d just fall at his feet? You didn’t want to be another conquest for him, but part of your mind was definitely interested in getting tangled between the sheets. You had to admit to yourself maybe all the hate burning through your blood was something else entirely. You wrap yourself in a towel, pulling on a big t shirt and heading to the kitchen to get something to eat. As you pass Rudy’s room you hear a sound that stops you in your tracks. He’s moaning, loudly, definitely not trying to hold anything in, almost like he was hoping you’d catch him. You hear your name spill from his lips and white hot panic courses through your system, thinking he somehow has caught you. You brain catches up, realizing he’s jerking off to the thought of YOU and you back away from the door with your hand clamped over your mouth to silence your gasp. You run back to your room, shutting the door and sliding down to the thick carpet. Was this really happening? Your mind and body were at war, slick spreading down your thighs at the thought of him fantasizing about you while your brain was seething, angry that he had already reduced you to an object for him to play with. You decided to toy with him as he did you, determined to make him want you so bad he couldn’t stand it, knowing you’d get the satisfaction of turning him down each time he asked. Smug smile on your face you crawled into bed, falling into a peaceful sleep now that you had a plan. Rudy Pankow was going to beg for you, and you couldn't wait.
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𝘳𝘶𝘥𝘺 𝘱𝘢𝘯𝘬𝘰𝘸 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘱𝘴𝘥
𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞/𝐫𝐞𝐛𝐥𝐨𝐠 𝐢𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐨𝐫 𝐬𝐚𝐯𝐞
𝐝𝐨 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐚𝐥
#jellycolors#rudy pankow#rudy pankow icons#obx icons#obx sarah#obx imagines#obx headcanons#obx sarah icons#obx#obx2#outer banks icons#outer banks smut#outer banks#jj maybank#rudy pankow angst#rudy pankow fic#rudy pankow crackship#rudy pankow x reader#rudy pankow manip#rudy pankow avatars#rudy pankow edit#rudy pankow fluff#rudy pankow x oc#90’s vibes#rudy pankow fanfiction#obx cast#outer banks cast#jj maybank icons#jj maybank x reader#jj maybank masterlist
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cellophane. — jj maybank x gender neutral!reader
summary : cellophane. a thin, transparent plastic: commonly used to preserve food/leftovers for later consumption, however in your case, the very little love JJ Maybank feels for you.
warnings: angst. unrequited love? (i think that's it)
word count: 400
authors note: this song [cellophane by fka twigs] makes me cry, and i will never look at robert pattinson the same way ever again. also, enjoy my first post and please let me know what you think!!
pain? hurt? is that what you were feeling right now? perhaps it could be heartbreak? no. no words could possibly describe how you felt at this moment. your heart had been messily ripped out of your chest, no remorse on his face as he crushes the very organ you gave him your all with. you see them. in front of you. all the pieces of your shattered heart on the floor, sprawled out for all the audience to see, especially him.
but what audience? there’s nobody there but the two of you, and somehow you’re seeing the walls around you shift, a stage below your feet as everything around you fades. you’re panicking. all eyes are on you. and yet only one pair of eyes were watching you, watching your every move. waiting for you to say something. anything.
as the room begins to shift once again, the memories instantly begin to flood back, sickly sweet memories play in front of you, showing the things you were once blind to. the unloving looks, the scoffs at any little thing you said, ungratefulness, how he pushed you away constantly. the puzzle begins to piece itself together, forming a pitiful picture and answering an even more pitiful question.
no matter how much you tried to push the thought to the back of your mind, no matter how much you attempted to preserve the one-sided relationship you and JJ had, the little love he felt for you and the overbearing love you felt for him, cellophane can't protect forever, and it surely can't protect something that was never there. the question was never: when did JJ fall out of love with you? in fact there was never a question at all, only a tragic truth: he never loved you at all.
you don't feel pain, or hurt, not even heartbreak. that daunting feeling that lingers in every inch of you is realization. it’s a cruel feeling, one that tugs at every inch of you, screaming you to hold back the tears that will soon flow out of your eyes to replicate the ocean you see in his. it’s the realization that despite the fact you did everything for him, you surrendered all the love you had for him; all in return for nothing, it would never have been enough.
because there would never have been enough cellophane in the world that could preserve this one sided love.
© 2022 mechiiwrites | please don’t copy, translate or repost my work! enjoy ur stay here ^_^
#mechiiwrites#jj maybank#jj maybank x reader#jj maybank imagine#jj maybank angst#rudy pankow#rudy pankow x reader#rudy pankow imagine#rudy pankow angst#outer banks#obx#outer banks imagine#outer banks x reader#the pogues#pogues x reader#angst#angst imagine#drabble#outer banks drabble
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Guilty
Paring(s): JJ maybank x fem!reader
Summary: it didn't matter that she did everything for him. it didn't matter that she loved him. insecurities ruin a great thing, love can't fix these problems
Authors note: angsty angsty angsty, bad JJ
Song rec: grave by tate mccrae
Part 2: Wanted
Perfect.
Everything had to be perfect.
The perfect dress. The perfect makeup. The perfect boy.
The past several days were borderline catastrophic with JJ getting arrested for sinking Topper’s boat. I begged and pleaded with my parents to help me get him out, promising them anything they wanted. They asked for the one thing I couldn’t give them. JJ.
And yet, I said yes. I said yes because the thought of him sitting in a cell all alone, stuck with nothing but his thoughts made my stomach turn. He’s always thought that nobody needed him. Maybe that was something his drunken father drilled into him but it was far from the truth. I needed him.
Everything had spun out of control and it all started the minute I met JJ Maybank. But I wouldn’t trade it for the world. Being with him was like walking for the first time. Nerve wracking yet exhilarating--freeing.
My life before him was just that, a life. Everything revolved around being the perfect little daughter to my parents. Debutantes, charity dinners, polo matches, and country clubs filled my schedule to the brim but they were rarely there. My mother was running a successful fashion line, working on her latest release while my father was a shark in the courtroom. While I loved every second of splurging on clothes, lavish trips to Europe, brunch at my favorite restaurant, I was missing something. I always felt like something was missing in a world where I had everything.
That’s not to say I’m ungrateful for every opportunity my position and family has afforded me. But when you spend enough time with people you realize are only conversing with you for money or to step on you to increase their social capital, nothing seems genuine.
Everything interaction was superficial and it became isolating. But with JJ, each and every moment we shared was intimate and unfeigned.
He taught me how to surf the swells he spent hours in daily. I learned the slight touch of hand in the art of being a mild kleptomaniac. After several failed attempts and many loud complaints, I could finally balance on his dirt bike.
None of these moments could be bought with money and maybe that’s why I cherished them so much. I cherished them so greatly that I refused to let them go.
And in turn, I couldn’t let him go. Despite the ever growing distance that's wedged itself between us the moment he was released from jail. Maybe it was a pride thing, or maybe it could have been the condescending jabs my dad threw his way, but JJ had pulled away.
My father's threats to revoke the bail money hung heavy above our heads. So tonight, I was going to try and change that. I needed to bridge the gap that had us so far apart. Midsummers was how I was going to achieve that.
Closing my eyes, I took a deep breath and held it for several seconds to calm my racing heart. I open them slowly, dragging my gaze along my reflection on the floor length mirror at the entrance to the club. A silky number drapes my dainty figure in the softest brush of yellow with threaded pearls as straps. Ivory satin Jimmy Choo heels from their latest collection decorated my feet.
The familiar rumble of a truck had a grin pulling at the corners of my lips. My parents were somewhere in the building, having been on the board and needed to sign off on some last minute details.
I didn’t mind the constant abandonment. The loneliness that once clung to me had slowly evaporated the moment JJ entered my world.
Grabbing my Chrsitian Dior clutch, I headed for the entrance of the Island Club. A familiar mass of shaggy blonde hair had my feet moving quicker. The minute his face came into view I knew something was wrong.
His lips were tight in a grim line as he continuously shook his head. I quickened my steps, apologizing swiftly to several people who were trying to get my attention.
“I’m sorry, sir. Are you a member here?”
“Well, no, but my girlfriend-.”
“Then I’m afraid you're going to have to turn back around. This is a private club.”
“Listen dude, my girlfriend invited me and-”
“Sir, you need to get back into your vehicle before I call security.” The coordinator, who went by Ryan, dismissed JJ without a second glance.
JJ’s eyes narrowed. “If you’d let me speak-”
“This is private property.”
“Bro, calm down. You’re not protecting the president.” JJ huffed, shoving his hands into his pocket. His cheeks tinted a slight red which had my blood boiling.
He was person. Period. One that didn't deserve to be treated like that especially in such a public setting. I was livid at the thought of Ryan managing to make JJ feel embarrassed.
“You’re not a member-”
“No, but I am.” I snapped coming to a stop beside him, causing the event coordinator to rear his head back in surprise.
“Hey, baby. ” The familiar pull of his voice coated me like the warmest honey. A smirk tugged at his lips at the obvious irritation on my face.
Pausing to give JJ my attention, I placed a soft kiss on his lips and pushed back a wild strand of blonde hair. “Hi.”
The smile he gave me was like a sudden beam of light that hit me square in the chest.
“I am so sorry. I didn’t realize he was with you-”
“Add JJ Maybank to my member account,” My words were sharp and left little room for argument, though they were dripping with the sickeningly sweet tone I mastered at the young age of twelve. “Consider yourself up to date.”
“I’ll get it done.” With that, Ryan tipped his head and left quickly.
I bristled once more, muttering under my breath, ”Dick.” My chest was heavy with guilt at his treatment, wondering if this was actually a good idea. I gnawed at my bottom lip nervously.
This was not how I wanted our night to start.
“I’ve never been a member before.”
Not bothering to conceal my giggle, I turned around and allowed my eyes to drift over every inch of JJ. The black suit I bought him was fitted and hugged every muscle in a way that had my stomach clenching.
Sun kissed hands reached for me the moment I was within his reach. My arms wrap around the mass of lean muscles, my nose buried in his neck. Taking a deep breath, salt and sex wax filled my senses and I let myself relax.
Home. He felt like home.
“You look very handsome.”
A rumble left his chest. “My sugar mama bought it for me.”
Hiding my face in his chest, a loud laugh slipped past my lips. JJ shushed me almost immediately, “People are looking. We can’t have them thinking we’re together.”
I pulled away, trying to keep a straight face at his antics. “We are together.”
“Shit, we are?” He held out his hand, amusement and mischief dancing in his eyes. “My sugar mama can’t find out or she’ll cut me off.”
How could I not love him when he made me laugh so hard my stomach hurt?
I hit his arm with my purse in mock outrage before taking his hand while his other touched my bare back. The feel of his rough calloused hands from all his hard work has me suck in a breath. Those rough hard hands knew my body intimately, inside and out.
“Do that again and I’m finding the nearest bathroom.” JJ leaned down, his lips brushing against the top of my ear.
A clearing of the throat had us both turning our heads. My father stood there with a stoic face, his eyes promising retribution later.
Looking at my father directly in the eye, I place my arm in the crook of his, lacing us together.
“I see you brought a friend.” The last word is spoken with clear disdain.
My grip on JJ’s arm tightened. “I brought my boyfriend.”
“We’ll talk about this later.”
As if they’d actually be home, I thought but decided to keep that to myself.
Deciding that this entire conversation was pointless, I was dragging JJ away from the pair when my father grabbed JJ, whispering something in his ear.
My stomach shrunk and apprehension filled me as the light look of JJ’s face fell, replaced with a flat look and hardened eyes.
“Duly noted, sir.” His mouth curled in a sarcastic snark.
I shot my father a disappointed look. Curling myself into JJ’s side, my arm wrapped around his waist and I tugged us into the party. “Ignore him, please.”
“Already forgotten, princess.”
My eyes watch his face for any sign of distress, but find nothing. Guilt ebbed aways at my walls.
“Let’s go find Mr. Adams. He owns a chain of surf shops. I’m sure if we schmooze him, we can get you a solid job or maybe even a board.” I tossed him a wink that had him grinning.
“I like the way you think. Lead the way, gorgeous.”
Despite his hand on my back, all the warmth we had a mere moments ago was gone. I couldn’t help but notice the small distance he kept between us. One that didn’t exist until my father opened his mouth.
Several hours later, the sun had begun to set and a cool breeze now caressed my bare back. I embraced the cool breeze due to the several glasses of champagne I had.
Despite my love for the warm buzz it gave me, it did little for my bladder. “I’ll be right back.”
His eyes widened in alarm. “You can’t leave me here with these people.”
I smothered my laugh with my hand. “Did you want to come with me?”
“To the bathroom? Kinky, I’m in.” JJ responded, clutching my hand in his before expertly pulling us through the crowd.
Nothing could peel off the cheesy smile that bore my face. Despite the slight hiccup at the beginning of the night, JJ charmed most of the members with his charm and humor. I was hoping with some networking, I could help JJ get some security. I believed he was capable of doing just about anything. He had such determination and never let failure keep him down.
JJ knew how to hussle and I wanted everyone to see his potential, even if at times he didn’t see it himself.
My heels clicked along the granite floor, our hands swinging in the air. A shriek escaped my lips as JJ twirls me around, my dress swishing around my ankles. “Gorgeous.” He puffed out his cheeks, his gaze boring into mine.
Our matching grins were nothing short of radiant. Being with him was easy in a world filled with difficult people.
“Well this is disgusting.”
JJ went rigid. That wouldn’t have concerned me if he hadn’t muttered panicked curses under his breath. “If someone says one more thing to me..”
JJ never let Rafe intimidate him before but for some reason JJ seemed a little more hesitant with this exchange. Realization dawned on me. The boat. Fuck.
I let my hands fall while rolling my eyes and turning to face Rafe. There he stood in all his stuck up glory, not a hair out of place and his suit neatly pressed. He looked every bit of a country member as one could possibly be with the light blue suit paired with a white undershirt and blue bow tie, brown dress shoes on his feet.
“Don’t you have another line to snort?” I asked.
Sure, Rafe was conventionally attractive, if you didn’t pay attention to the blown pupils and the constant brush of his nose or the foggy look in his eyes.
JJ snickered beside me, his hand softly tapping my ass twice in support.
“JJ, go get me a drink.” Rafe cocked his head.
“I’m actually a member here now.” JJ responded, his hand caressed my cheek softly.
Shocked painted Rafe’s face. “That’s not poss-”
Kelce and Topper stood beside him, both in colored pressed suits as well. They kind of looked like the-”You powerpuff girls have fun.” JJ said with a crooked smile and a tip of the hat.
He seized me by the wrist and strode over to the exit. Relief at his plan to avoid a fight was fleeting at Rafe’s next words.
“If I knew a trailer home and food stamps was all it took for you to open your legs, I would have tried a long time ago.”
JJ jerked around in seconds, ripping out of my grip. He stalked towards Rafe, drawing his arm back before connecting with his jaw.
A shout passed my lips, my hands covering my mouth in horror as JJ struck Rafe twice more, one blow hitting him directly on the nose. Blood began to gush out of Rafe’s nose, staining his dress shirt a deep crimson. “Say that shit again. Say it.”
Rafe let out a mirthless laugh, his lips pulled at the sides revealing his red stained teeth. “Once a pogue, always a pogue. Isn’t that right, JJ?”
Kelce jumped into action, his arm wrapping around JJ’s neck, pulling him off a Rafe into an effective headlock. That’s when I noticed two more hulking figures and suddenly we were surrounded.
“Five on one, Rafe? Really?” JJ choked out, tugging at Kelce’s arm.
Without thinking, I walked behind Kelce and slammed the metal clasp of the bag against the side of his head. Once. Twice. Three times. “Let go of him!”
Kelce let out a yelp and jerked back, causing his grip on JJ to loosen just enough for him to get free. I went towards him in an instant, but he pushed me behind him as he surveyed the remaining men in front of us.
Whispers dragged my attention from the scene in front of me as I locked eyes with several members who had poked their heads into the locker area. Shit, this really wasn’t good. I needed to get JJ out of here as soon as possible. I didn’t want to give my father any more ammunition against him.
Clutching his arm, I tugged him once more towards the exit. I could hear more activity outside the locker room which had me pulling at him harder. I wasn’t going to let Rafe make him look bad in front of all these influential people. Over my dead body.
“People are coming. We have to go.”
His chest rose and fell with quick breaths, his steele blue gaze not leaving Rafe’s.
“I’m serious. For me, JJ, please?” My final plea seemed to have pulled him out of his angry haze. Without wasting a second, he let me pull him further and further away from the group. Lacing his hand in mine, I made quick work of fixing his suit and his hair, pressing soft kisses as I went.
“Whenever you’re done slumming it, you know where I am.” Rafe called out from behind us, earning us enough leers from fellow members.
He tore his hand from mine. “Fuck this.”
Apprehension coursed through me.
I could feel the storm brewing with each step he took. I trailed behind, my small steps nothing to his long strides. Rafe hit a nerve. One that JJ refused to acknowledge and let fester for months now. It was the elephant in the room any time I offered to pay anything at all. It bothered him, all the money my family had.
“Ignore him, Jayj.” I called out from behind him but his steps never faltered. “Rafe was just trying to get a reaction out of you.”
I could hear the soft melody of the music drifting over the wind from the party that was supposed to fix all our problems. Perhaps I was sticking a bandaid on a gaping wound.
His shoulders were tense as he stopped a couple feet in front of me, shaking his head. Nerves had my stomach in knots. I only had one shot at trying to fix this. Feelings were never JJ’s thing. He spent months fighting our attraction before he finally gave in. Dating a Kook was never something JJ considered.
Unfortunately, it was something others thought as well because they never failed to remind him. My father included.
So here we are. JJ was backed into a corner and like any wounded animal, he had two choices. He could concede or attack and I knew JJ like the back of my hand. He would never give up, so instead he’d go for the throat.
Too bad it was my throat he went for.
“I understand-” I stopped speaking the moment JJ whipped around, his eyes cutting me deeply.
“You don’t.” I didn’t respond. My eyes lingered on his busted lip and bruised chiseled face. “You don’t understand so please don’t try to make me feel better by pretending that you do.”
I pursed my lips. JJ was right, I didn’t understand what it was like to be in his position, but that didn’t mean I didn’t care. That I didn’t want to take away every ounce of pain if it meant he would be happy.
“You’re right. But Jayj, it’s Rafe.” I argued softly, not wanting to draw attention to us. “He always says shit like that to rile you up but you’ve never let it bother you before. Why now?”
JJ’s face flushed. “Because he’s fucking right. That’s why it bothers me.”
My lips wobbled and I pressed them together. I had gone out of my way to ensure he’d never feel this way. I guess I failed.
I moved closer, my steps unsure and clumsy. “You never said anything.”
My hand rested against his chest, and I could feel the familiar pounding of his heart.
“That’s nothing new.” He lifted his shoulder in a half shrug.
That did little to ease the emotional storm brewing within me. Every interaction since he was little was nothing short of violent and negligent.
He wasn’t used to softness and kindness. We were trying to navigate in uncharted waters but we’re thrown off the boat every time the water got choppy.
“We can go. Let’s just go, baby. Let me just say bye to my parents-“
“Stop.” He demanded, his tone serve. So unlike JJ.
I dropped my hand and instead chose to focus on the sound of our breathing. I had to keep my head on straight, because I could tell he was already building up his wall so high, making his fortress impenetrable.
JJ had never had a consistent thing in his life and I’ll be damned if I let that happen to us.
Squaring my shoulders back, I faced his heated gaze head on. If he wanted an argument, he’d get one, but we’d both be leaving together.
I had no intention of going anywhere.
“Stop?” I echoed, raising my brow.
His eyes were as cold and hard as obsidian. “Yes, stop. How is leaving going to solve any of this?”
“You’re picking a fight with me for no reason. I’m not the one you’re mad at.”
JJ raked his fingers through the sun bleached golden strands causing them to fall along his forehead. “Maybe I am.”
My eyes widened at his words. What had I done? He’d shared every bit of his world with me and I only wanted to do the same.
Was that not what people do when they’re in love? Aren’t you supposed to share your interests with your partner and aren’t they supposed to want to know them?
“For what?”
He tugged at his shirt collar. “Why am I here?”
My brows furrowed in confusion. Why would he even ask that?
“Why am I here, at this Midsummer's bullshit?”
“Because I wanted you to be.” I smoothed out my hair to give my trembling hands something to do. “It’s something that matters to me, it’s not bullshit.”
I had spent months planning this party since my parents were on the board. I wanted everything to be perfect for them and for him. It all seemed silly now. A part of that stung deep in my soul. Bullshit was never a word I used to describe any of the interests he showed me, yet he so easily spouted it at me.
JJ stayed quiet but continued to fidget with the silver ring on his finger. I wanted to close the distance between us but didn’t know how.
“Don’t let Rafe of all people ruin this. His opinion means nothing.”
He lifted his chin. “It matters to your dad.”
I barely held back my wince. “He doesn’t get a say in who I date, JJ.”
“Oh, are we lying to each other now?”
“W-What do you mean?”
“Are we going to pretend that you don’t care about what your parents think?”
I took a step back as though he hit me. “Stop talking before you say something you’ll regret.”
“Everything you do is to get their attention. You’d die without their approval.”
In a manner of speaking, he was right. My parents barely paid me an ounce of attention and it was hard not to think it had to do with me. There must have been something wrong with me for my parents to not want to spend time with me. I spent the majority of my life trying to live up to their expectations hoping to be the daughter they always wanted, but nothing worked. I couldn’t get them to love me.
And he threw it all in my face.
I stared at him with tears in my eyes, hurt and stricken.
At the sight of my tears, he looked away with his jaw clenched.
“Why are you with me?” He hissed, holding out his arms. “It’s not like I can take you to dinner in Paris or buy you the clothes you like so much.”
Insecurity was a cruel thing. It had the power to turn someone as confident and sure as JJ into a puddle of irate nerves. And as his insecurity continued to dig its hooks further into his skin, he continued to rip into me, piece by piece.
“Because I love you. Because you make me laugh.” My voice raised, my hands clenched into fists by my sides. “Where is this coming from?”
Anxiety wound its way up my throat clocking off my air.
“You’re fucking shoes are four grand. Do you know what I could do with four grand? I could get the power turned on in my house, or better yet, pay for the house.” The look he shot me had me wanting to be six feet under. He’d never looked at me like that before. He made me sound vapid and superficial. Like I didn’t spend most of my time on his side of the island.
The guilt I felt early came back tenfold. Guilt for my position. Guilt for the money my family had. Guilt for the things I enjoyed buying, both for him and myself.
Maybe I was just as bad as Rafe.
Pain sliced my chest as his gaze continued to penetrate me like bullets.
“The other side of the island is starving and everyone here is drinking champagne and gambling a mortgage for fun. It’s disgusting.” JJ began to pace, shaking his head in disbelief. “You had me kissing ass to all these people, and for what? A job? Stop trying to turn me into something that I’m not.”
I wrapped my arms around my waist. “That wasn’t what I was doing. I was trying to open doors for you so you had options. All I wanted was to help give you a fighting chance.”
“I didn’t ask for your help.” The words continued to pelt at me, hitting my heart every time. The pressure in my chest only tightened further.
“Isn’t that what you’re supposed to do for the person you love?” My voice shook, matching the trembling of my body. “It never mattered before.”
I'd never been in love before him. I didn't have anything to compare it too since the most affection I get from my parents is a card on my birthday. I thought by doing everything they didn't do for me, supporting and comforting and physical touch, would somehow translate into love.
“Of course it mattered. You’re a fucking Kook.” The raw and angry words seeped into my veins, the audible crack of my heart echoing for all to hear.
My throat constricted. Enough, I couldn’t hear anymore. No, no, no. But JJ seemed to have other plans.
“I mean, I’m standing here in a custom Tom Ford whatever that could have fed me for months. I’m out of my element and it makes my skin fucking crawl. John B is getting sent to CPS and Pope is getting jumped and I’m here at some stupid dinner with the people that did it to him. What does that make me?”
My chest cracked open and my heart caved in. I finally saw the broken boy in front of me. Bruised and broken, completely uncomfortable and unsure of himself.
“Kiara’s a kook.”
“Kiara’s different and you know that.” It remained unsaid but I knew what he was referring to. Kie was a hippie rich chick who didn’t enjoy all the things I did: designer clothes, luxury dinners, expensive food. In other words, I was a self absorbed kook princess that didn’t care for those around me.
It didn’t matter that I spent most of the summer with JJ helping him fix homes in the cut. It didn’t matter that I donated to charities or helped send care kits to those on the cut after the hurricane. It didn’t matter that I spent almost all my free time with him and the pogues just as Kiara did.
To him, I represented everything he hated. It didn’t matter that I loved him so deeply I defied my parents. It didn’t matter that I upended my life and chose to be with him. He could never see past the money, something I had no control over.
I may have been standing in custom Christian Dior and Jimmy Choo, but I’ve never felt more cheap as JJ continued to cut me down with each word.
“Do you want me to apologize?” My pulse spiked as a burst of adrenaline had me spouting the truth. “I had just as much a choice of being born on figure eight than you did on the cut.”
He looked at me like he hated me. “I don’t know how we deluded ourselves into thinking this could ever work.”
“You don’t get to stand there and make me feel guilty for who I am. Just because I have money and like nice things, doesn’t make me an asshole. I’ve treated everyone in my life with kindness. Don't group me with them.”
JJ scoffs, pointing at the crowd on the dance floor. “Them? Them--means your parents, baby”.
“I’ve never treated you less than me.” It was a last ditch effort.
“At least I know what Kook pussy tastes like.” He went for the kill. “Money and daddy issues.”
I stilled. The world stilled. Vicious hurt curled its way into my soul, etching every bit of it until I no longer existed.
Like I said before, I had no intention of going anywhere. But, I guess to JJ, he always had one foot out the door.
I think I stopped breathing. I blinked at him, hoping cameras would pop out and the whole thing came out as a prank. But, no cameras appeared.
Just him and I stood, in a field, an arms length apart but a universe away.
“You don’t mean that.” The words came out strangled. “Take it back.”
He said nothing. I had to bring a fist to my mouth to try and block out the harsh sob that threatened to escape.
“JJ, please.” I begged, my hands catching his arm. “Let’s just go.”
His normal vibrant eyes regard me coldly, a muscle jumping his jaw. I was drowning in my emotions. Everything had escalated to a level I couldn’t fix, because he wouldn’t let me. The bathroom seemed forever ago in the scheme of things. I can see the battle in his eyes of whether to give into his self destructive behavior or to come back to me.
Any hope I had of him coming back to me dissolved in a matter of seconds. A security guard came up behind him, gripping JJ by the forearm and tugging us towards the front of the party. My eyes widened in horror as I realized they were going to parade him around in front of everyone which would just humiliate him more.
“Jeez Daryl, could you loosen up your grip,” JJ complained, attempting to jerk out of the large man’s grip. He didn’t so much as flinch at each of JJ’s gripes either.
"What do you think you're doing?" I snapped, "Let him go, Darryl."
Darryl shook his head and gave me an apologetic look. "No can do. Mr. Cameron complained."
JJ Scoffed. “I can let myself out. I have two legs.”
“JJ, please stop.”
“I appreciate the discretion, Daryl.”
He self-destructed right in front of me. JJ grabbed a drink off an unsuspecting member and chugged it down before tossing the glass on the floor.
In the end, JJ was always going to be JJ. I saw the moment he decided to destroy everything we had. It was a slight shift in his body and that penetrating gaze of his hardened into a cruel amusement. JJ shrugged my hand off his, before his eyes flitter across the crowd as though he's looking for someone. Then I watched as they landed on a familiar brunette.
“Hey, let him go. I’m a member of this club and I invited him.” Kie shouted at Darryl who paused for a brief moment. I could see her parents trying to discreetly get her to stop but Kiara refused. At the sound of her words, an appreciative grin tugged at JJ’s lips.
It didn’t matter that I had said the same thing hours ago. It didn’t matter that I not only defended him but made him a member. I liked shiny flashy things and she didn’t. Apparently, that made her better than me.
“Mandatory power hour at Rixon’s, Kie.” He shouted, pointing at where she stood in front of her parent’s. “Pope, you as well, alright?”
I had a disposition for loving people too much, no matter how they treated me. And for the first time in my life, I didn’t care that I wasn’t presentable. I didn’t care that tears were falling down my face or that my hair was a mess. I didn’t want to be left behind. He promised.
“Let me come-”
Exasperation filled his features. "Take a fucking hint. You can go be with someone like Rafe now. You two deserve each other."
“Alright, Kie c’mon.” He didn’t spare me a second glance. I had to watch as Kie took off running towards him with Pope in tow. JJ held out his arms to catch her, arms she happily jumped into. John B lets out a humored shout while JJ spins Kiara around and they take off.
Leaving me all by myself. My parents nowhere in sight.
And suddenly everything hit me at once. My dress was too tight, my heels were pinching at the skin on my feet, the music was too loud, my hair was a mess. Nothing I did was right. Once again, I was left alone. Abandoned by the one person I thought would never leave. All because I loved him too much and he hated everything I couldn’t control.
I stood there, feeling like a silly little girl in a silly little dress I spent hours looking for, urging him to look back. He never did.
Authors note: I hope I hurt your feelings because I hurt my own writing this :) pls let me know what u think!!! I love hearing from you guys
Tagging my favs: @maybankslover @sipsthecoffee @alyisdead
#outer banks#outerbanks imagine#obx#obx smut#outer banks fanfiction#outer banks smut#jj maybank x reader#jjmaybank#jj maybank#jj maybank angst#jj maybank imagine#jj maybank imagines#jj maybank smut#jj maybank fanfiction#rudy pankow#rudy pankow smut#rudy pankow angst#obx fanfiction#outerbanks fanfiction#outerbanks angst
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Fucking Spiderman
Pairing: JJ Maybank x pogue!reader
Warning: underage drinking, fluff, like 2 kisses
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I would be lying if I said that I didn't have a slight crush on JJ Maybank. Not slight, it’s a huge crush. But you know the rules, Pogues don't mack on Pogues. It’s stupid but it keeps us in check, except Kie and Pope.
I mean, I’ve known all of them since Kindergarten. It would be weird. People always see us as a family, like siblings. I hated that, we all did.
Tonight we planned on having a night in, calming ourselves after John B’s charges were dropped. We all got into the Twinkie and headed into town, stopping to get some beer and a few bags of chips.
On our way back, JJ started making plans. We all knew he wanted to make up for the time that we thought Sarah and JB were dead after the storm.
“So tomorrow?” the blond turned around in the passenger seat, looking at the rest of us in the back.
“I’m doing nothing as always.” I leaned back into the seat.
“Umm, I think Sarah and I are gonna go back to Tannyhill to get some of her stuff.” John B spoke over the music, Sarah agreed with what he said.
“Y/n and I can help.” JJ patted JB’s shoulder. I honestly didn't want to go to Tannyhill after all the things that's happened, so I shook my head to JJ.
“JJ, I’m just grabbing some essentials and hang with Wheezie.” Sarah didn't want to hurt his feelings, but she hasn't seen Wheezie ever since she's arrived back at OBX.
“Yeah yeah.” he rolled his eyes as we arrived back at the hot tub.
We all crawled out of the van and grabbed all the groceries. We quickly stripped down to our bathing suits and turned on the hot tub. The couples sat next to each other in their opposite corners, while JJ and I sat across from each other.
“How about you guys? Kie? Pope?” JJ asked as he took a swig of his beer. “Nevermind don't even answer that.”
I giggled as he mocked them to me, pretending to make out with the air and saying cheesy flirty things.
“Okay. Y/n, wanna go out on a date?” he wiggled his eyebrows.
My heart stopped. Did I really hear JJ ask me out on a date?
“I- Um I have a boyfriend.” I winced at the stupid lie.
Everyone stopped what they were doing and whatever conversation they were having.
“No way.” Sarah looked at me with a shocked smile, and so did Kie.
“Since when?” Pope questioned.
“Yeah, since when? I’ve never heard you say anything about a guy?” JJ widened his arm and hooked each one on the side of the hot tub.
“Pogue or kook?” John B asked, Sarah nodded at the question.
Fuck. I am in too deep.
“He’s a kook.” I gave a thin smile.
“Oh wow! Leaving us for a kook?” JJ yelled in sarcasm and earned a middle finger from Sarah. “What’s his name anyways?”
“Um. Peter?” I looked away trying to hide that I am lying.
“Are you telling me or asking me?” JJ questioned, his eyebrows raised.
“Peter. It’s Peter.” I can tell by everyone’s faces that they are thinking off all the Peters on the island.
“Peter Jameson?” Pope eagerly asked.
“No” I shook my head, crossing my arms.
“Peter Andy?” Kie asked.
“Ew!” all of us said in unison. I would never date a 40 year old that smokes like 3 boxes of cigs a day.
“Just tell us his last name.” John B playfully slapped my shoulder.
“Parker.” my body sunk lower into the water.
“Peter Parker?” Sarah said out loud.
“The fucking Spiderman?” JJ asked as he stood up in the hot tub. His hands on his head as if he was going crazy.
“Ye— well… no” I said before sinking my whole body under the warm water.
I could hear their laughs above the water so I raised back to the surface, wiping the water off of my face. My whole body went hot, and it wasn't the jacuzzi doing that. I was embarrassed.
“Do you want me to hang upside down, y/n?” JJ asked as he started to climb out of the hot tub, doing the Spiderman landing pose.
Pope, John B, and Kie started to fake sling webs while Sarah was dying from laughter, clenching her stomach.
“JJ, get in the Twinkie.” I demanded as I stomped out of the hot tub.
JJ whispers an “okay.” I just know he was looking back at the group and was shrugging his shoulders.
I opened the back door of the van and told him to get in before me. I closed the door to give us some privacy.
“Okay.” I breathed out all shaky. “Okay, I freaked out so I said that I had a boyfriend.”
I crossed my arms over my chest as JJ’s face showed that he was amused.
“I’m serious JJ.” I slapped his arm.
“Oh I know you are MJ.” he teased
“I just- I’ve never been on a date before. A-and I really like you so I just spat out that I'm dating Spiderman” I confessed to him.
I heard him chuckle. His tongue on the side of his cheek. I couldn't tell if he was mad or just laughing at me.
“Y/n, everyone has their first times.” he was more serious and genuine now. “So, let me take you on your first date.”
I dropped my head down to my hands. “J, I don't want you to take me on a date because you pity me.”
He pulls my hands away from my face, holding my wrists lightly. “I want to take you out on a date because I like you, not because I pity you.”
His smile always made me smile, he had that effect on me.
“You're not pranking me right?” I looked around the van. “C’mon guys its not funny haha.”
He looks at me like I'm going crazy, his mouth open.
“Its not a prank huh?” I looked at him for answers. “God I keep making a fool out of myself.”
I groaned and laid down on the back seat.
“So MJ, will you go out on a date with me?” he held out his hand.
“Yeah whatever” I playfully rolled my eyes as he pulled me up to sit straight.
We sat there in silence, my eyes staring at his lips.
“What? Have I been talking to you with something on my face?” he rubbed at his cheeks.
“Come here.” he ducked down to not hit the roof of the van but brought his face close to mine.
My hand cupped his jaw, rubbing his cheek pretending to take off whatever he thought was on his face. I pulled his jaw to mine, our lips connecting. His lips were soft and warm, I can taste the beer on him.
He pulled away with a smirk on his face.
“Usually I would do that after the first date but okay!” he clapped his hands as he pulled my face into another kiss. It was deeper this time, our tongues clashed.
“JJ...” I pulled away trying to breath.
“Oh shit please tell me that was your first kiss.” he closed his eyes and crossed his fingers waiting for my answer.
“It wasn't.” I broke the news to him and he groaned.
“Damnit I was so close” I laughed at his theatrics.
“Let’s go back to the group.” I pulled at his arm as we open the van door, my arm linked in his and my cheek resting on his bicep.
#gxdsfavgals masterlist#jj maybank#jj maybank fluff#jj maybank angst#jj maybank smut#obx jj#jj obx#rudy pankow#rudy pankow fluff#rudy pankow angst#rudy pankow smut#obx fluff#obx angst#obx smut#outer banks#jj outer banks
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no words
#drew starkey x imagine#rafe cameron imagine#rafe cameron#rafe cameron x reader#rafe outer banks#drew starkey x reader#outerbanks rafe#drew starkey x y/n#drewstarkeydaily#rafe obx#jj maybank#jj maybank angst#jj maybank imagine#jj maybank fluff#rudy pankow#jj maybank x reader#jj maybank x you
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intimidated
pairing: jj maybank x kook!reader
word count: 5.3k
summary: you’re there for jj when it matters most. (inspired by this post)
warning(s): sprinkles of angst, but fluffy in the end.
a/n: the song i had in mind while writing this was intimidated by kaytranada & h.e.r <3
jj maybank masterlist
© goldenroutledge || do not plagiarize, repost, or translate my work in any way
JJ Maybank didn’t need handouts. As he told it, his independence was his most valuable asset. It’s what made him a pogue through and through. “Is freedom anything else than the right to live as we wish?”— An Epictetus quote JJ scribbled down, bored as ever in his freshman English class. His life motto condensed into twelve simple words, whether his newfound ‘freedom’ was out of his control or not. Either way, he played the cards he was dealt.
His friends— no, scratch that— his family, were his escape to comfort. A soft, pillowy landing from the nose dive that was his life. A foreign concept to him until he met John B, then Pope, then Kiara, then you. A refuge of safety, ironically enough, given the many times you all had looked death in the face.
Even though the pogues had already started wearing matching friendship bracelets that Kiara made by the time you came along, it was a smooth transition when you were welcomed into the group with open arms. By some more than others at first, given your kook status. But just as they’d embraced Kie, your initiation into the group was no different.
While it took time for JJ in particular to come around, his reservations were understandable. At first, you gave him his space and he gave you yours. Always letting him set the tone and lead the way.
As time went on, JJ soon decided he wouldn’t mind having you around him all the time, there was no going back. JJ loved to the point of no return, and it was incomparable to anything— or how anyone else could ever make you feel.
At times, he felt like that was all he had to offer. Nothing but fierce loyalty and protection over the ones he loves most. But you. To JJ, you were the fine line between hideaway and heaven itself. Even if he thought he may not end up there, he was sure that it would be you he’d meet at heaven’s gates.
Amongst any conflict or tension within the group, you always provided a safe haven for him to retreat to, though he had difficulty admitting it. In a way you had a solution for everything. Keeping tensions low and spirits high in the process. You were the original peacemaker of the group, before his precious gun came along.
Right now, it was almost all he could think about while he sat there, beer in hand, listening to John B and Sarah argue in the distance. How he wishes you were here, to ease his nerves and settle the anxiety simmering in his chest.
JJ hated this. He hated that nobody seemed to get along anymore. With all that was going on with the others, he wouldn’t even think to mention his problems. The looming eviction notice on his house, one of few things he had left on this island. While everyone’s lives continued to progress, JJ’s was at a standstill. No job, no parents, and now his friend group was falling apart at the seams. And with everyone else occupied these days, he was alone.
JJ, selfless as usual, would hate to bother you, no matter how badly he wanted to. He knew you’d have some inspirational shit to say to him. Though he’d poked fun at it sometimes, he’d never needed anything more right now.
The sound of footsteps came before JJ saw them, watching Sarah storm off and away from John B as he stood there, tense and silent.
JJ could be hot headed at times, that was no secret. He could understand his friends' quarrels to an extent. But he couldn’t look past the fact that you all were supposed to be sticking together, especially right now. When he said that nothing good could happen once you all returned to Kildare, he knew he was right. Call it a gut feeling.
-
Naturally, Sarah told you everything. Confidant, mom-friend, advisor— all titles bestowed upon you by your close group of friends over the years. You’d always tried to be as neutral as possible in times of conflict. Though in matters of the heart it was nearly impossible.
Days after her fight with John B, she found herself laying on your bed, venting all of her bottled up frustrations about him and the state of their relationship.
“I’m a mess, Y/n. I feel like such a mess.”
You looked at her sympathetically, knowing there wasn’t much you could do. Just listen, just be there in her time of need.
“So, I took my bag from the Chateau and I left. Kie’s parents told me I couldn’t stay, then I went to JJ’s and he wasn’t home. He’s working at Guffy’s again last I heard.”
You briefly glanced up at the mention of JJ’s name— and it didn’t go unnoticed by Sarah. Instead of divulging about it, she continued her rant.
“Then I was just wandering around, because it’s not like I had anything better to do. And who sees me drinking at Tiki Bar? Topper.”
“Topper?”
“Topper.”
You internally cringed at the mention of the Thornton boy. He was always nice when you saw him, nothing bad nor good to say about him. But you knew deep down he was Sarah’s achilles heel. He reminded her of everything she once had, the person she once was. Lately, you couldn’t help but crave some normalcy too.
“So.. what happened?”
She sighs heavily, dropping her hand across her eyes. “We went to Mase.”
“Alone?”
“We went with some people from KDC. The old crew, Kelce, Phoebe…”
“Is that it?”
“We made out.”
Sarah squeezed her eyes shut in fear of your reaction, knowing it’d probably show on your face before anything.
“Oh.” You swallowed back any judgment you might’ve had, compartmentalizing your love for John B and choosing to hear Sarah out. “And how do you feel about it?”
“Awful. I mean Topper has been so good to me lately with everything going on, he’s always there to pick up the pieces and I just feel bad. It was a mistake.”
“It can’t happen again, y’know. Not if you want to work it out with John B.”
“I do, I wanna work it out with him.” She urged. “And then the next morning we had breakfast. Kie came into the restaurant and saw us together and I think she got the wrong message. She said she’s staying out of it but I can tell what she’s thinking.” Sarah takes a deep inhale, and a deep exhale to follow. “What do I do, Y/n?”
It still baffles you at times that you’ve become the voice of reason. You hope Sarah doesn’t notice that you feel uneasy about the whole thing. “Just… be honest. Don’t let John B find out from anyone other than you. He’s gonna be upset but he has a right to be.”
The blonde sits up, crawls over to you and envelopes you into her arms. “Don’t know what I’d do without you.”
-
Sun reflected brightly off the boats docked at the marina, the two smoothie cups in your hand sweating from the sweltering heat. Your family's boat was kept here at Guffy’s; particularly when your parents weren’t in town to cruise around the island and daydrink with their kook friends.
At least you had an alibi, just in case you happened to run into JJ. The two medium strawberry banana smoothies you carried might need some explanation, though.
Ever since you all had made it back to the island, JJ had been hard to track down. He was rarely in one place for too long. So where else better to catch him than at work?
“Y/n? How are you doing today?” Billy questions from a distance away, putting on his friendliest smile for the daughter of his best clients.
“Can’t complain. Happy to be back.”
“And it’s good to have you back. Everything alright with the boat?”
“Oh yeah, everything’s fine, I just realized I left behind my favorite sunglasses.” You explained, hoping your excuse sounded authentic enough.
“Alright. You take care, now.”
“Actually… I was wondering is JJ around?”
“Maybank? He was here a few days ago.”
“Hm, I could’ve sworn he was working today.”
Billy sighs, eyebrows furrowing. “Listen, Ms. Y/l/n, I know you want to advocate for your boyfriend and all but JJ can’t work here.”
Confusion spread through your features this time as you genuinely had no idea what the man was getting at. You chose to not correct him when he’d mistaken you for JJ’s girlfriend.
“Don’t get me wrong, he’s a good kid. I know he wants the job back but Guffy put a pin in it. I’m sorry. Really not much I can do.”
You forced a polite smile on your face as the dots connected, remembering the melting smoothie you held in your left hand while your half-finished one remained in your right. The two of you exchanged brief goodbyes before you quickly left the marina.
If JJ really hadn’t been working at Guffy’s again, where the hell was he? His act of disappearing was unmatched, but so was your skill of guessing.
If a game of hide-n-seek is what he wanted, a game of hide-n-seek is what he will get.
-
Grass brushed against your ankles as you approached JJ’s home, your steps careful as you looked around for him.
Going to JJ’s home was forbidden. When Luke was around, that is. He was a phantom— an ugly, dark presence looming over the quaint home that would otherwise feel serene. The chirping birds in the trees couldn’t tell the difference.
You haven't been here many times. The times you had been here weren’t anything you nor JJ wanted to remember. The feeling of uncertainty creeped into your mind from your past visits. You never knew what to expect.
To your left, there was a beautiful, never-ending view of the water past the grass of the Maybank’s yard. You hadn’t noticed that before. This spot had probably seen some beautiful sunsets. In a moment of imagination, you almost pictured sitting there with JJ on the plush green, hand in hand, watching the warm hues of the sky melt into a dark night.
The caution tape wrapping around the wood of the house caught your interest as you made your way onto the porch, also noticing the eviction letter left on the door, moving closer for a better look.
“Y/n?”
JJ called out, appearing from around the corner of his home, startling you out of concentration as you re-read the notice again and again.
As if you didn’t come over to finally see him in the first place. Though you couldn’t speak— for once unsure of what to say. ‘Sorry you’re getting evicted?’, it just didn’t sound right. Then again it might’ve been better than standing frozen and staring at him, silently, like you were doing.
“What are you doing here?”
“I- um…. I brought you a smoothie.”
You held out the cup, approaching him and handing it to him. He stood there dumbfounded, eyebrows furrowed. His lips eventually pursed into a smile as a way to say thank you. This wasn’t the relaxed JJ you were accustomed to; nonetheless he was still the JJ you loved.
“Why are you here?”
“I told you. The smoothie.”
“You came all the way out here from your mansion on Figure 8 to bring me a smoothie?”
“What?” You scoffed, his tone dictating where the conversation was headed. Most likely nowhere.
“Go back to reading by your pool or something. You shouldn’t be here.”
“I haven’t heard from you in days, JJ. I’m just checking up on you.”
“So what? You touring around the Cut now? Delivering smoothies to lost pogues? Is Heyward’s your next stop?”
He resumed tinkering with his bike, and from the looks of it he was working rather aggressively— desperate to distract himself from the conversation at hand.
“I miss my best friend. Am I not allowed to miss you anymore? I mean it’s not like we were stranded on an island together… not knowing whether we would live or die!”
“Well, we’re not exactly a big happy family right now. You should know that.”
“Yeah. John B and Sarah are on some kind of break. But that doesn’t mean I can’t see you, that doesn’t have anything to do with us. I thought we were past the whole picking sides thing.”
“I’ve been busy.” JJ shrugs.
“Busy working? At the job you lied about having?”
His eyes snapped to yours immediately. Your heart clenched as soon as the words left your mouth, you didn’t mean to go too far. But at least you had his attention.
“What, are you stalking me now? Or did you hire a P.I. to figure that out?”
“Hilarious, JJ. I was at the marina earlier to grab something off my boat. Actually hoping I would run into you but, whatever.”
“Yeah. Whatever.”
A few moments of awkward silence lingered between the two of you, as you kicked a pebble around with your foot.
“I know you don’t owe me anything… but you could’ve just told me.”
He paused his movements, thinking about how he was going to respond.
“Tell you what? That I prefer mixed berry over strawberry banana?” He jested, smiling to himself.
“I’m not talking about the smoothie, idiot.”
His eyes drifted over to his home, knowing exactly what you were thinking, just afraid to acknowledge it.
“My problems aren’t your problems, Y/n.”
“And I know that. I just wanna help you, however you’ll let me.”
“Well, you can help me by not helping me. I’ll figure it out. Always do.”
“All I’m saying is you don’t have to figure it out alone. I’m here.”
At that, he dropped his tools, running tense hands through his hair. “But you aren’t here! You don’t have to live like this and you should be glad that you don’t!”
He raised his voice at you, frustrated. JJ was never good at putting his feelings into words, especially when it came to actually expressing them.
He didn’t know how he could tell you about everything. The worst day he’s ever had, the lowest he’s ever been. He couldn’t see a way in which he could tell you all of it and carry on the same. You were always a constant in his life. He needed it to stay that way, by any means necessary.
“That doesn’t make sense, JJ. What’s the point of having anything nice if I can’t share it with the people I love?”
The both of you were taken aback at what your explanation implied. In actuality, it took all of your power not to say those three words to him outright. But you couldn’t, not like this.
“You don’t have to pretend to care that much. I’m sure you can find another community service project to focus on.”
“Community service?” You chuckled emptily, baffled at his ridiculousness, though deep down you knew this was how he dealt with things. He simply didn’t know anything other than defensiveness. “That’s what you think this is?”
JJ closed his eyes in exasperation, wishing this conversation away. He could hear it in your voice, your feelings were hurt. Maybe not as bad as when your 8th grade crush asked someone else to the Valentine’s dance— but even a little was too much.
“If you’re gonna reduce our decade of friendship to me doing charity work, I guess there’s no changing your mind. I’m just wasting my breath.”
The words were stuck in his throat. He wanted to apologize instantly, but now he wasn’t sure if his apologies were something you’d wanna hear at the moment. He wasn’t sure if you’d believe him.
For all the disingenuous apologies he’d accepted over the years, he’d hate to put you on the receiving end of one. Even if his heart truly was in the right place, JJ couldn’t muster up the courage to show it.
“You don’t have to antagonize me. Because everything you’re blaming me for, it isn’t my fault. Just like this isn’t your fault either.” You gestured to the eviction notice at his door.
“Yeah.” He mumbled. “You’re right.”
“Say what you want about me, but I just wanna know that you’re okay. And if it’s an apology you’re looking for, you’re not gonna get it. I’ll never apologize for that.”
He nodded, unsure of what else to say. All he could do was try to understand.
Realizing he had no further comments, you turned your back to leave.
“Will I see you at the Chateau tomorrow?” You asked over your shoulder, hope remaining in your voice despite the uneasiness that remained between you two.
“Don’t count on it.”
“Alright, well… bye.”
JJ waves, before muttering a monotone ‘thanks for the smoothie’ as he watches you go.
-
Since returning to the island, it was an unspoken thing that you all were to meet up at the Chateau at some point. And with all the new developments in your lives lately, these meetings were much needed.
Pope handed you a beer as he came into John B’s living room, opening one of his own as he sat down beside you.
John B and Sarah seemed to be laying low, but it was clear they were back together or had come to some sort of resolution.
Kiara was going on about how much shit her parents had been giving her lately. They’d been hovering— watching over their daughter’s every move from the moment she set foot on the island again.
Pope told the group about how Cleo had won over Heywar in record time, much faster than John B or JJ. Pope’s parents simply wanted the best for him, and knew that the danger and mischief his friends came with couldn’t be productive.
“We’ve been best friends for what…? 13 years?” John B recalls. “And your dad can hardly stand the sight of me but Cleo won him over in a few minutes? How?”
“Are you surprised?”
“Not at all.” John B holds his hands up in surrender to Cleo, Pope smirking beside her as he witnesses the interaction. “Just confused.”
“I have many superpowers, John.”
“Apparently! Winning over Heyward is like, unheard of in this group. At least for JJ and me.” John B explains, sipping his beer.
“Speaking of, where’s he at?”
At the shift in conversation, you can feel several pairs of eyes fall upon you. All you can do is act as normal as possible, tipping off any of your friends always ends badly in the case of keeping a secret. Until the cat’s out of the bag, your friends will make it their personal mission to reveal whatever it is you’re hiding.
You raised your eyebrows, pretending to only catch onto their stares moments later. “Why’re you looking at me?”
“No reason. It’s not like you guys are secretly together or anything.” Pope mutters under his breath, catching a glare from you at his false claim.
“We’re not. I wouldn’t know where he is.”
John B hisses, pretending to shiver. “Is it a little chilly in here? Or is that just Y/n’s cold shoulder?”
You roll your eyes, further proving his point until Sarah chimes in, pondering if she should speak up about what she knows.
“I actually stopped by JJ’s the other day. He.. wasn’t home.”
“Oh yeah, didn’t he go fishing? Probably not back yet.” John B remembers.
“I don’t think he’ll be going home anytime soon.”
At this your eyes meet Sarah’s hazel ones, full of hesitation. You shoot her a look of ‘whatever you’re about to say, don’t’, and you hope she is wise enough to pick up on it.
“Why is that?” Kiara questions, confused.
“He got evicted.” Sarah blurts, regret spreading through her expression as she sees you react; you don’t react. And that slightly terrifies her.
“Really?” Pope asks in disbelief, though not too surprised. More so disappointed that his best friend had to endure this, silently at that.
“Yeah. When was the last time anyone’s heard from him?”
The group silently recollects for a few moments, Kie pulls out her phone to review her latest texts with the man in question.
Instead, you’re wondering how the hell Sarah even knew about this to begin with. How long could she know about this and just stay silent? Forget not telling the group, how long could she keep this from you? How could she not help her friend who was clearly in need of support?
“How long have you known?”
Sarah appears confused, wondering where your line of questioning is coming from.
“I- uh. After John B and I fought I went there, remember Y/n? I was hoping I could stay but he wasn’t home. That’s when I saw the eviction notice.”
“And you waited, I don’t know, a week to bring that up?”
“Y/n, it’s not like I intentionally kept this from you, okay? We know how protective you are over JJ.”
Her words strike a cord within you, already on edge regarding JJ Maybank because of your argument with him the day prior. It was still a sore subject, even more so made by having no one to confide in about it.
“It’s not about that, Sarah. You didn’t even have to tell anyone at all but you didn’t think to maybe find out if he’s okay? At the very least?”
“I was a bit homeless at the time, Y/n, sorry about that.”
“Oh, right. You were too busy hooking up with Topper to care about the well-being of our best friend? Good to know the bare minimum is impossible for you.”
Sarah scoffs, John B shakes his head in exasperation. Kiara stays silent mostly, being no stranger to your and Sarah’s sister-like fights. She couldn’t even disagree with you, though with her parents keeping her on lockdown it was hard to do anything about it. She wasn’t in a place to have an opinion.
Pope and Cleo shared looks, communicating wordlessly as they had grown to do. Being away at Heyward’s kept them out of the loop quite a bit.
“JJ will figure it out, Y/n. Relax.” John B reassured. Though he was defending his girlfriend, now that they were in a ‘good place’ again, you felt anything but reassured at his carelessness around the subject. You’d think of all of you, John B would understand the most.
“Relax? Why should I relax if JJ is in trouble? If anything, you’re too relaxed!”
“I’m sorry you feel that way but you don’t have to take it out on Sarah, this isn’t even her fault! Not all of us want to fight your battles.”
“If you had any sense left you’d realize this isn’t about me. This is about our friend, who I thought we all cared about. At least enough to share this kind of news. We’re talking about his well-being here, I mean he’s losing the house he grew up in and nobody seems to care about that?”
“If he wanted us to know, he’d tell us.”
“Like he’s ever going to do that! You know better than anyway that he won’t!”
“It’s not my problem.”
“Mhm. It’s a shame JJ’s busy solving all of yours.”
“Y/n, please. Can we just have a chill night?”
“Aren’t you supposed to be his ‘best friend since the third grade?’ Because you don’t fucking act like it.” You huffed, standing up to get rid of your beer can. At this point you were rambling to yourself, more than okay with the group hearing what you really thought about them and their carelessness for the situation.
“Indeed. Which is why I don’t need to force him to tell me shit, okay?”
“Why are you such an asshole, John B?”
“Y/n, I just found my dad. So, excuse me if JJ’s living situation isn’t at the forefront of my mind.”
“I never said it had to be, but you’re acting like you don’t even care!”
“I do care! We all do!” John B shouts. “And maybe if you’d let up on him he’d actually come to you about this stuff!”
“What are you talking about?”
“I’m saying, maybe JJ would give you the love you so desperately crave if you weren’t fucking suffocating him.”
“John B!” Kiara warns.
Sarah held her face in her hands, knowing John B had crossed the line. Maybe he had one too many beers in his system. Either way, hell was about to break loose. And when it came to JJ, hell hath no fury like you did.
Your head felt like it was about to explode. How could your friends seem to be so comfortable with this? The same friends that claimed to leave no pogue behind, to never turn their back on one of their own.
If that was true, then what was this? From the looks of it, nobody even pretended to give a damn.
“You’re fucking terrible, John B. This isn’t even about me at all! You just can’t stop deflecting from what a shitty friend you are. I mean, JJ would die for literally every last one of you guys. And he almost did! On multiple occasions! But instead you’re gonna neglect the one person who's seen you through all your bullshit and as soon as it’s over you’re gonna pretend like nothing happened? Like the Earth is back on its axis? The world doesn’t fucking revolve around you, John B. That’s just not- that’s not something you do to someone you love.”
There wasn’t a need to announce your departure, as it was so quiet inside that you could hear your own breathing.
As hard as it was to fight with John B like that, you couldn’t deny the weight that had been lifted off your chest. Your spirit was lighter. It was therapeutic, really. So therapeutic you felt peaceful enough to go home and take the longest nap ever recorded, maybe in John B’s own hammock just to prove a point.
Entranced in your own thoughts, you didn’t even register JJ resting in the hammock himself, hands intertwined behind his head. Not asleep, but wondering what your next words will be. The walls of the Chateau were thin enough, echoes of your voices amplified by the open windows.
He wasn’t sure if you simply didn’t notice his presence or if you were flat out ignoring him, walking past like he was invisible. Testing the waters, he called out from behind you.
“I never really thanked you for the smoothie.”
You froze in your tracks, face heating up and muscles tensing at the thought of the argument he probably just heard and decided not to barge in on.
“It’s alright. Wasn’t looking for praise.”
JJ met you halfway, taking note of your tired eyes and your feet dragging against the grass.
“So, what? You’re picking fights for me now?”
“You heard?”
“I think Ward Cameron heard. All the way from Guadalupe.”
“Stop it.” You warned, cracking a smile for a split second. JJ was good at that. Making you smile no matter the circumstances. “I stand up against injustice. That’s all.”
“Then are you still mad at me?”
“About what?”
“Yesterday. The whole… note on door situation.”
“Could never be mad at you, JJ. Especially not about that.”
He softly smiles, one that you return. It’s been a long time since you’d shared a small moment like this. Too long.
He gestures for you to come closer and slide into his arms as he’d held them out for you, just like you belong there.
“I am sorry, though.” JJ mumbles the words softly, almost into the crook of your neck as if he was speaking to you and you only. “I know you’re just trying to stick around for me.”
“Yeah. Just trying to be wherever you are.”
“You don’t have to fight for me, y’know.” I’m already here. Though you may not have caught on instantly, nothing he’s ever said has made as much sense.
“Sorry, J. Sometimes I just feel like we don’t deserve you. Like I don’t deserve you.” You admitted sheepishly.
JJ scoffs, and you’re not sure why. He’s often sarcastic, but it’s hard to tell what he’s really thinking in these situations.
“Are you fucking kidding me, Y/n?”
Your eyes meet his, hesitation behind them.
“You’re the one who doesn’t deserve me? Is that a joke?”
You looked at him as if it were obvious, like the line had already been drawn in the sand. This fact had already been decided; there was no going back, not now, and not ever.
“I know I’m not the smartest person, okay, but you’re making no sense.”
“Come again?” You asked, equally as confused as he was. It was incredulous for anyone to believe JJ of all people wasn’t worth it— as if he wasn’t worth someone who would go to the ends of the Earth for him, someone who would defend him six ways to Sunday. There was no one in your life more deserving of such a thing.
“Listen, Y/n...”
“No! You listen. Nobody should treat you like that. Especially our friends! As if their problems are bigger than yours or something. It’s just fucked up for any one of them to act like they don’t care because I know deep down, they do. They care just like I do but they just suck at showing it. Mostly John B. He sucks the most. And I’m not exempt either, I mean I should’ve checked on you sooner-”
“Shoulda, woulda, coulda.” JJ interrupted, placing his hands on your shoulders. “Y/n, it’s okay. I don’t need anything.”
“I know that. I just want to love you. Because I really do. I really love you, JJ. Like bad. So bad that it’s probably sad at this point but I really don’t care anymore! Not about what John B has to say, not about anything, because I’ll never regret it. I’ll never wish that I didn’t love you.”
That stupid weight again, feeling as if it’s taking off like a rocketship and leaving your conscience for good. It makes you want to scream the words from the rooftops. Over and over and over again.
Confessing feels good, but kissing JJ feels damn euphoric. His lips are on yours before you can even register what’s happening, too busy being self-aware to realize the way his eyes turned glossy, or the way he’s gently got one hand on your waist and one hand caressing your cheek.
“He’s got it all wrong. I love you, too.” JJ confesses after pulling away from you, briefly taking his eyes off yours to glance at the Chateau. His head shakes as he says it, that starry glint in his eyes so undeniably present. “So bad.”
He earns a giggle out of you as he mocked your words to him just a few moments ago. But now, things were changing. He couldn’t stand before you and pretend he didn’t feel the way he did. Not anymore, not ever again.
Not after you’d shown your love for him so confidently to everybody, time and time again. JJ Maybank wasn’t sure about many things in life, but you weren’t one of them. This was surely the best decision he’d made in years.
“Come over.” You whine between kisses, breaking him out of his trance. If you let him, he’d kiss you forever, and it still wouldn’t be enough.
JJ raises his eyebrows, smirking.
“For dinner. We’re having sloppy joes.”
JJ, unresisting temptation, leans in again and moans against your lips dramatically. “What about dessert?”
You give his hair a tug and kiss the smirk off his face, whispering to him a secret.
“And maybe dessert.”
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𝐑𝐮𝐝𝐲 𝐏𝐚𝐧𝐤𝐨𝐰 𝐌𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭
© Honeybear-Yammy, please do not steal, translate, copy, or transfer my work.
| $ - Smut | * - Fluff | # - Angst | ! - Dark Content |
Imagines, Blurbs & Drabbles
↳ Love At First Sight *
↳ Lover *
↳ Dreams $
↳ Brat $
↳ Just One Kiss *
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↳ nothing yet...
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#obx#outer banks#outerbanks#obx cast#outer banks cast#rudy pankow#r. pankow#rudypankow#rudy#pankow#rudeth#smut#fluff#angst#rudy pankow smut#rudy pankow fluff#rudy pankow angst#masterlists#masterlist#rudy pankow masterlist#obx cast masterlist#outer banks cast masterlist#yammy's fics
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SEVEN [THE INBETWEEN] - P4L
PAIRING ‧₊˚ JJ Maybank x Fem!Reader
SYNOPSIS‧₊˚[3k] Two weeks since John B and Sarah have been gone and the pogues decide it's time for a proper memorial to say goodbye, but an impulsive gesture leaves two of the four remaining pogues heads spinning.
WARNING(S)‧₊˚ swearing, mentions of death, unestablished relationship/unrequited love (Pope x Kiara), mentions of child abuse/neglect, general angst
NOW PLAYING‧₊˚
A/N‧₊˚ This is where things get a little tricky. Also, tumblr decided to kick me out of my mf account so thats why this is like 2 days late instead of one, I DID NOT LIE TO YALL😭 and sorry if this chapter moves a little fast
˗ˏˋ series masterlist ˎˊ˗
“RISE AND SHINE, BLONDIE.” You whispered in the sleeping boy’s ear. JJ immediately slapped a harsh palm over his ear, effectively slapping himself and waking himself up, groaning in pain as you stood by giggling.
“Fuck you.” He mumbled, wiping the sleep from his eyes as he sat up, Marley emerging next to him from under the covers. You tilted your head at the dog, scoffing.
“You do know that is my dog, right?” You asked, raising an eyebrow at a sleepy-eyed JJ who simply looked at the animal over his shoulder before turning back to you and shrugging with a sly smile on his face.
“Not anymore. Her real owner gives her bacon and she loves it.” He retorted, throwing an arm over Marley and pulling her into his side as he rubbed the top of her head. “Ain’t that right, girl?”
You rolled your eyes, your bare feet patting against the hardwood floors of The Chateau as you left the room, calling over your shoulder. “Then her real owner can clean up the aftermath when she vomits it out because she refuses to chew.” You reprimanded playfully, sliding your slippers onto your feet that were sat by the front door. “I’m gonna clean up a bit. Pope and Kie should be here soon. And I bought more cereal, it’s above the fridge.” You called out before going out onto the porch, letting the door shut behind you, the screen rattling.
Today marked two weeks since John B and Sarah disappeared.
Pope and Kiara had finally made time in their schedules to do a proper send off. Not that you blamed them — Kiara’s parents wanted her as far away from the pogues as possible, with you being a semi-exception. They’d swamped her with work after school at The Wreck, working from the time school ended until the street lights came on. The weekends were no different, with the addition of taking the car away, only allowing her to drive it on the weekdays to and from school.
Heyward had Pope doing grocery run after grocery run, as well catching some of the seafood supply himself. Pope didn’t mind though, he was working on repairing his relationship with his parents after everything that happened. Things seemed to be looking up, Heyward didn’t scowl when you all came around anymore and his mother started to greet you all again. They were easing up on the restrictions, too — allowing Pope to drive the car again and be out past ten.
You and JJ had been managing — he was taking small, odd jobs here and there. Mowing lawns, fixing cars just to keep the lights on and the water running. You did what you could — sneaking into your house, only once or twice, to take some necessities and things to sell. You’d managed to pawn off a good chunk of your mother’s jewelry and some things you didn’t need anymore. It was enough to keep you both fed and clean.
Life was starting to seem okay again. It didn’t seem like there was such a large storm cloud over you and your friends anymore. Now, you just all felt an emptiness when you were together, which was probably why you weren’t together as much anymore.
School was…well, school. You and JJ hadn’t been since it happened. No adults to force you to go, right? Pope and Kie had been a few times, but their parents allowed them some time to themselves occasionally.
Despite everything, today was the first day you all would be hanging out as a full group again. The Chateau always looked a mess but admittedly, you and JJ hadn’t been helping the place to look any better. The porch was littered with beer bottles, soda cans, snack wrappers. Things that had been piling up from your late night talks.
Grabbing a plastic bag, you started gathering all of the trash and throwing it inside, the space already looking better.
“SO, HOW ARE WE DOING THIS EXACTLY?” Kiara asked, hands in her pockets as she stood in front of the big tree, next to Pope. The sun was starting to set, casting a low, orange hue over the backyard.
She and Pope had arrived not too long ago, the gathering not being as lively as it used to be. Less smiles, less laughs. There was small talk and a few jokes here and there but it just seemed so forced, as if no one wanted to say “let’s just get this over with”.
The group had been divided, although none of you would admit it aloud. It seemed as if Pope and Kiara did their thing, while you and JJ did yours.
“We could just carve it. Might take a while, though…” Pope pitched, rubbing his hands over the top of his head and shifting his weight.
“I mean, we got all day.” JJ shrugged simply, adjusting the baseball cap on his head. “I say we carve this baby up.” He shrugged, hiking up the toolbox in his hand, the metal objects inside rattling, and walking to the forefront of the group. You walked up beside him, looking up with your hands in your back pockets. “Care to do the honors?” He smiled down at you, flicking out a pocket knife in your direction.
Taking the object from his hand, you faced the large, loud live oak tree and began carving the initials of your fallen friend into the wood.
THREE HOURS AND TWO BEERS LATER AND THE TREE WAS CARVED AND BRANDED. A tan-colored, heart-shaped splotch in the center.
2003 2020
JOHN B ROUTLEDGE
P4L
After you’d finished carving, JJ had done the honors of engraving the words with a heated piece of metal, burning the words forever into the oak. The four of you raised a beer to John B, hoping that he could feel you wherever he was.
You’d branched off afterwards, something that never happened before but you’d grown accustomed to the odd dynamic between the group now. You all tried your hardest to ignore it or remedy it but it was useless.
Pope was sitting on a log, staring at the fire JJ had started. JJ was swinging in the hammock as you made your way over to Kiara, who was sitting on the steps of The Chateau.
“Hey. You alright?” You asked, sitting down next to the girl as she took a sip of her beer, humming in response.
“As alright as I can be, I guess.” She replied almost despondently. You were all grieving in your own ways but something about Kiara’s grief didn’t seem like grief. It was like she was dealing with some other conflicting emotions on top of it all. “You and JJ have been keeping this place up, huh? I can actually see wood on the floor.” She joked lightly.
You chuckled in response. “Yeah... yeah, we’re trying. The place is one kick away from collapsing but it’s a home, nonetheless.”
“Have you been home? Since…” You nodded your head at the girl’s question, staring down at your sneakers.
“...Once or twice just to steal some shit to pawn off. I don’t really care for anything in that house anymore. Or anyone…” Kiara simply drew her lips into a thin line, nodding silently with no clue as to how to continue the conversation. So, you took the initiative for her. “How’ve you been? With your parents? Pope?”
She just grimaced and shrugged, playing with the rim of the open beer bottle. “They’re... going, I suppose. My parents don’t even know I’m here right now. If they did…” She trailed off, scoffing. “And Pope, I don’t know. He’s sweet, he’s just not…” She trailed off once again, but this time it was like she knew what she wanted to say but it was almost as if she couldn’t. Wouldn’t. She seemed weary, hesitant — eyes fleeting between your own and the blades of grass beneath her feet. “Whatever. Forget it. Me and Pope are figuring it out, I guess. I’m trying to give it a chance.”
“That’s good.” You smiled smally, nodding absentmindedly. “If it helps, he really does like you. So, even if you two don’t work out, just let him down easy. He’s our friend and a really good guy.” She simply nodded, taking another swig of her beverage and looking out into the distance. Suddenly, she was standing from the steps, hands on her knees.
“I’m gonna go get another beer...” She sighed before walking back inside.
Maybe you were reading too much into it but Kiara’s grief was seeming more like a cold shoulder...
“YOU WARM ENOUGH, POPE?” You inquired, sitting next to the boy on the log, him shooting you a small smile before returning his gaze to the flames in front of him. The fire casting an amber glow over his skin, making his eyes seem browner, almost softer.
“Yeah, a little too hot.” He chuckled lightly, leaning back further onto the wooden seat, placing his hands behind him for support. “...I meant to ask, is JJ okay? Like, actually?” He asked with a bit of hesitance, eyeing the blonde swaying calmly on the hammock. You followed his sights, spotting JJ swaying lowly before turning back to Pope.
“He’s…doing better than I expected. But that goes for all of us, I suppose.” You offered honestly. “Why’d you ask?” You questioned, to which Pope shrugged one shoulder before replying.
“I know John B was a really big part of his life. If I was as close as those two, I don’t know how I’d feel. I know we haven’t been around much, Kie and I, but he just seems…too calm.” You didn’t know how to tell Pope that JJ was far from fine. That you’d hear him crying at night, muffled as he tried to wake you not knowing that you couldn’t sleep knowing he was outside the door crying and you couldn’t do anything to comfort him.
You’d tried asking him about it yourself. He simply acted like he didn’t know what you were talking about and you weren't one to push him. Not now, at least.
“He’s handling it all in his own way.” You reassured with mild uncertainty. “But I’ll keep an eye on him. How are you, though?”
The boy drew his lips into a thin line, tilting his head to the side in thought before shrugging and looking out at the fire in front of him. “I…don’t know.” He struggled out, almost as if he wasn’t completely sure of the words but also unsure if he was truly unsure. His brown eyes met yours, slightly glassed over with frustrated tears. “I really just don’t know.”
You gave him a pitiful smile before scooting closer and throwing your arm over his shoulders. The two of you sat in warm, content silence. In all your time of knowing Pope, he was never either fully closed off or openly emotional. He was the definition of a ticking time bomb — bottling everything up until he reached a certain breaking point. But this time, you’d figured he’d had all the meltdowns he could.
AS YOU APPROACHED THE HAMMOCK, another figure became clear next to JJ’s — Marley curled up in a sleeping ball of fur next to the blonde. You chuckled under your breath at the sight, nudging the swing with your knee to prompt JJ to open his eyes. The boy peeked one eye open before the other, eyes fleeting the yard at Pope and Kiara’s frames talking at the bonfire before returning to yours.
You took a seat on the grass in front of the hammock, looking up at JJ as he made the small effort to turn on his side to look down at you without disturbing the peaceful animal beside him.
“Done being the group therapist?” He yawned, pushing the blonde locs of hair out of his face. You simply shrugged, rubbing a hand across your forehead.
“Yeah, my office is closed.” You sighed, leaning back on your palms — small pebbles and mulch chips digging into them but you were too tired to care. “But you know I’m always willing to listen for you.” You said playfully, shooting the blonde a wink. He giggled in response, leaning forward in the hammock with one hand clutching it for support.
“You promised no pushing.” He mumbled sleepily.
“I’m not pushing.” You assured, throwing your hands up in surrender. “I’m just... politely suggesting that you open up to your best friend, is all.” You shrugged nonchalantly, pretending to pick at your nails.
“Right...how about we do a little switch-a-roo then, hm?” He threw out, shifting around once more in the hammock, eyes piercing yours. “How have you been? With everything. Bree, your mom…” He trailed off, eyes never leaving yours even though you avoided eye contact the moment he started listing issues. “I mean, The Chateau is nothing compared to your beachfront palace in Kooklandia. You gotta miss it sometimes. You’re telling me you never think about goin' home?”
You snarled, shrugging off his statement. “This is my home.” You declared, drifting your eyes upwards to connect with his, the amber glow of the bonfire making his eyes appear more green-toned than blue. “I never wanted to move to Figure Eight in the first place. I didn’t care about the ocean view or the fact that our living room and kitchen didn’t have to be one room anymore.” You explained, drawing shapes into the dirt. “I feel safe here.” You muttered. “I feel safer with you guys...”
He simply hummed and nodded in agreement. “I get that.” He sighed. “I feel the same about my house. I don’t really care that all my shit is there and that I have to sneak back and forth to get what I need. My dad… he makes me hate that house. And I hate myself for being able to hate the house because of him but not being able to hate him.”
“He’s your dad, though. It’s understandable. You feel like you should love him no matter what.”
“...Do you hate your mom?” You paused your drawing in the dirt to peer up at JJ through your lashes, his eyes wide and wondering. The question caused you to feel a way you’d never felt before. It was such a loaded question and even with everything that happened, you figured the answer should be easy but...it wasn’t. Saying that you hated your mother felt like venom on your tongue. Even if you knew you had every right to say that you did.
“No.” You sighed, tucking your hair behind your ears. “But, it’s like, I don’t love her either. I just…don’t recognize her anymore. In my eyes, she’s not my mother. But in my heart, she is and always will be. And I hate that.”
The two of you fell into silence after that, the only sound being cicadas and crickets. You directed your gaze up to the sky, counting the stars and silently acknowledging constellations while JJ kicked one leg out to swing the hammock gently as he stared up as well.
You figured the conversation ended there. It was getting late and you’d scored a babysitting gig for tomorrow that was paying good money. So, you figured heading to bed now was ideal because being late wasn't. You sighed, hands slapping your knees as you stood up with a groan, stretching as JJ’s eyes drifted to your frame.
“Well, I think my social battery has officially died.” You yawned, stepping closer to the blonde to ruffle his fluffy head of hair. “Night, blond-” You didn’t get the chance to finish your sentence before JJ’s hand was wrapping itself around your wrist, pulling you down until your faces were just centimeters apart, him taking the opportunity to connect your lips with his, placing his free hand on the nape of your neck.
Your eyes went impossibly wide as the blonde pressed his lips to yours firmly, his eyes closed blissfully. A normal, friendly reaction would be to push him away, to say that you shouldn’t be doing this. But the way he was kissing you..
It was like he’d been waiting his whole life to do it.
From the way his fingers dug into your skin to the amount of force he was using to hold you in place.
Something in you suddenly relaxed, allowing you to close your own eyes and move your lips to kiss him back. Your lips moved in perfect sync with his for the moment. But you figured it would be nothing but. This was JJ, your best friend. He knew you like the back of his-
Oh. Oh, God. You were kissing your best friend. You were kissing JJ.
You pulled back so fast you nearly stumbled over your own feet, head whipping around in panic to find Kie and Pope still engulfed in their own conversation before turning back to the starstruck blonde in front you. His hair was messy and his lips were swollen with a deep shade of red blooming within the lower one. His own blue eyes were wide but you didn’t know for what reason.
You just looked at each other with an unknown expression. Terror? Confusion?
Neither of you said anything, just stared at each other, panting in panic. Your heart was beating wildly out of your chest prompting you to adjust the neckline of your top away from your throat, the material suddenly feeling constricting.
You didn’t know what else to do so you did the only thing you could do.
Swallowing harshly and touching your aching, wet lips, you swiftly walked off in the direction of The Chateau. The last thing you heard was JJ call out your name one, heart aching time before the door of The Chateau closed behind you.
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#jj maybank x reader#jj maybank#svn#jj mayback x reader#jj mayback imagine#obx jj#jj maybank fluff#obx jj x reader#jj maybank smut#jj maybank x you#jj maybank imagine#obx jj maybank#jj maybank fanfiction#jj maybank outer banks#jj maybank angst#rudy pankow x reader#rudy outer banks#Spotify
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18+ thinking about bookworm!reader playing with sub!jj’s cock while reading smut and using the book as guide to their movements 🙇♀️
mph!- baby please, please s-slow down
he stutters, gripping the sheets as he buckles his hips as your hand goes faster, your eyes following the words on paper, copying the action
calm down baby, i haven’t even got to the exciting part
you scoff, sitting on his knees, leaning down on his cock, swirling your tongue around the swollen tip before he lets out a scream, pulling on your hair.
#jj maybank#jj maybank imagine#outerbanks#jj maybank smut#jj maybank x y/n#jj maybank angst#jj maybank fanfiction#jj maybank fic#jj maybank fluff#jj maybank x reader#jj maybank x you#jj maybank blurb#jj smut#jj fluff#bookworm!reader#sub!jj#rudy pankow#routledge!reader#sorry ive been inactive#lerclec ; j. maybank
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