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honeyedmiller · 1 year

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Dirty Thirty // Pedro Pascal

Hey everyone :') this is my first time ever writing a one-shot/imagine on Tumblr lol, and I've decided to feed into my Pedro Pascal addiction by adding to my delusions and writing this LMAO. Hope you enjoy!

warnings: age gap (17 years- the reader turns 30 in this), swearing, smut, brief mentions of daddy issues.

word count: 5.2k

synopsis: y/n admits on Jimmy Fallon's talkshow that Pedro Pascal is her celebrity crush, and Pedro turns up at y/n's thirtieth birthday party as a surprise.

"Our next guest happens to be Hollywood's fastest rising star and first-time Golden Globe winner. She's currently taking the film world by storm with her outstanding roles in Labyrinth, Stranded, and Solitaires, please welcome y/f/n y/l/n!" Jimmy excitedly beckons your presence as you made your way onto the floor, the crowd cheering loudly.

You wave at the audience with a gracious smile playing at your lips, giving Jimmy a hug and a kiss on the cheek to greet him. You took a seat on the chair next to his desk, crossing one of your midnight blue-panted legs over the other. This wasn't your first time on his talk show, so you felt comfortable and at ease.

"It's so good to see you again, y/n. You've been quite the busy woman. How are you?" Jimmy smiles in your direction, folding his hands on top of his desk as he turns toward you, offering you an inviting smile.

"I've been great! Just super busy with filming and press tours. It's been hectic but I'm having the best time." You reply with confidence, and Jimmy asks you a few more questions about the shows you've been filming before he changes the subject.

"So, the world has to know-- is a beautiful world sensation like you single right now?" He folds his hands underneath his chin like a schoolgirl that's about to gossip with their best friend. You grinned nervously, never really liking to talk about your pathetic dating life.

Nowadays, people only wanted to be with you for the fame, and you never had any interest in your co-stars. Quite frankly, your schedule was too hectic to even think about dating at the moment, but that didn't stop you from madly crushing on amazing actor and internet sensation, Pedro Pascal.

"Unfortunately, Jimmy, I'm too busy right now for dating. When the time comes, though, I'll welcome the opportunity with open arms." You giggle softly, rubbing your hands up and down your forearms in what suddenly became nervousness.

"Do you have your eye on anyone? C'monnn tell your best pal Jimmy," he pleaded while dragging his words, "It'll be our secret... along with the rest of the world." His wit was enough to make you genuinely laugh, and you shook your head. You didn't mind confessing your crush on Pedro, mainly because you didn't think you'd ever really have a chance with him anyway.

"Fine. I think Pedro Pascal is handsome... not to mention a phenomenal actor." You exasperated, feeling your cheeks become hot knowing that your secret crush wasn't a secret anymore. Oh well.

"He is a very ruggedly handsome dude," Jimmy urges, and you nod in agreement. "Did you invite him to your thirtieth birthday party? I know that's only a few days away and everyone who's anyone is going." You hadn't even had time to think about your birthday or the party because of how caught up you've been with work and press tours.

"Honestly, I've never even met him, so I doubt he'd go," You laughed aloud, mainly to yourself. "It would be cool to meet him, though." Your eyes scan the audience, the lights too bright on stage to see clearly into the crowd of people.

"He's supposed to be a guest on my show tomorrow night so maybe I can convince him to go to your party." Jimmy wiggles his eyebrows, causing you to hit his shoulder lightly with a fake gasp escaping your lips. The audience laughed and cheered at how flustered the thought of it all actually made you, but you brushed it off for now.

Jimmy finally moved on from the subject, finishing off the interview with a fun game before you said your goodbyes to him and the wonderful audience.

It was finally the day of your long-awaited party, your best friend helping you get the finishing touches of your make-up on.

"Dude, what was that confession on Jimmy Fallon's show all about?" y/b/f/n inquires. She raises her eyebrows at you as she looks at you through the vanity mirror you were sitting in front of, as she graciously offered to do your hair and makeup. You and her met on a set several years ago, as she was your designated hair and makeup artist, and you two immediately clicked and have been inseparable ever since.

"What, about Pedro?" You rolled your eyes at her playfully, "It's not like he'd ever see it. The man doesn't know I exist." You exclaim, laughing at the foolishness.

Little did you know, that was far from the truth.

"And when he shows up at your party ready to dick you down, what then?" y/b/f/n tosses her hands up in the air, quite frankly fed up with your obliviousness. Your looks were killer and your personality was a ten. She knew any man, no matter the age, would be lucky to have you.

"Y/b/f/n!" You gasped in horror, but something deep inside you ignited with excitement at the thought of that actually happening. It made you squirm a bit in your chair, and you sighed.

"Listen, he may be older, and your crush on him may be projected from your unresolved daddy issues, but make no mistake about it-- you two would be so hot together." She nodded, satisfied with her rhetoric.

You rolled your eyes once more, "I do not have unresolved daddy issues," knowing damn well she was right because in all truthfulness, you did. It's not something you talked about often, if at all, but she knew you too well. "My crush on him doesn't stem from that, at all." You shot back finally, standing up from the chair.

You took one last look in the vanity in front of you, feeling satisfied with the smokey eye look bringing out the color of your eyes in the most sensual way. Your hair was in the most perfect blowout style, framing your lovely features in all the right places. You felt hot.

"Perfect as always, y/b/f/n." You give her a hug, which she graciously returns.

"You know I always gotta slay your looks baby. Now, we're too sober for this shit. Let's get you dressed and let's get fucked up!" She shouts, shaking your shoulders in excitement. You nodded vigorously, ready to celebrate your third decade of being on earth.

The party was in full swing and it was packed with some of the most famous faces you've ever seen. If there was a few things y/b/f/n knew how to do, planning and throwing a big party was definitely one of them. You greeted so many people and thanked them for coming, some even bringing presents for you. You felt all the love on your special day, and your best friend made sure of it. You've been working so hard recently, and you needed this to just escape, even if it was for one night.

You were about five shots in at this point, definitely feeling a little tipsy. You were able to hold your liquor well and you knew your limits, so this would be your last one for awhile. You were sipping on a jack and coke, the sweetness of the soda counteracting against the semi-bitter taste of the whiskey. You were standing in a small circle of people that consisted of Oscar Isaac, y/b/f/n, and two other of your co-stars. You were listening in to the group's drunken conversation about TV shows they were currently into, when someone behind you called your name which made you turn your back against the group.

The person wished you a happy birthday with a hug, and you graciously thanked them for coming to the party. That's when you heard the oh-so-familiar voice of the man you've been crushing on for some time now, stopping you dead in your tracks.

There's no fucking way he actually showed up to my party.

Panic started to set in, not wanting to turn around. You felt your whole body get hot, feeling a little woozy.

"Y/n," You heard Oscar's voice call your name, and you swallowed thickly. Fuck. You turn around slowly, trying to keep your cool. Your eyes flickered to y/b/f/n's face, the biggest fucking grin on her mouth. Your eyes moved to Oscar, who was smiling at you with Pedro standing right next to him. Your eyes didn't dare move to Pedro's quite yet. "I want you to meet my best friend, Pedro Pascal. I know you two've never met, so," Oscar trails off, and your eyes snap to Pedro's.

A shy smile spread across your lips, those dark brown eyes making you weak in the knees. You felt like he was literally staring into your soul. Oscar stepped to the side to switch places with Pedro, so he was now standing next to you. His tall stature towered over you, even with you in heels.

"It's nice to finally meet you, y/n," Pedro smiled and stuck out his hand, which you graciously took to shake. You felt electricity surge through your whole body at the touch of his hand, causing you to slightly gasp. Your lips were slightly parted and your breathing became uneven. You shook his hand, finally smiling.

Stop acting like a fucking starstruck weirdo, you scolded yourself in your own thoughts.

"It's nice to meet you as well," You finally squeaked out, "And thank you for coming to my party." A ghost of a smile was on your lips as you tried pulling yourself together. Your eyes scanned over his body as you let go of his hand, causing your mouth to go dry and press your legs together. Luckily you were wearing a floor-length gown, so it wasn't obvious.

He was wearing a dark green suit, which he looked absolutely delicious in. He couldn't seem to keep his eyes off of you, either, because the way your black dress was hugging your curves in all the right places was quite literally enough to send him over the edge.

He cleared his throat and fixed his collar, excusing himself from the group to get a drink. As soon as he walked away, Oscar and y/b/f/n were both looking at you with raised eyebrows and mischievous grins.

"What?" Your voice falters, being a dead giveaway that your interaction with Pedro had you extremely flustered.

"You could feel that tension from across the room. Damn," Oscar laughed, knowing damn well his best friend had the hots for y/n. "Maybe I should've introduced you guys sooner, since you know, he is your celebrity crush after all." Oscar was full on laughing as he teased you, making you retort with a pout.

"Shut up, Oscar!" You roll your eyes, a pout still evident on your lips.

"Maybe he can finally cure y/n's dry spell." y/b/f/n said slyly, and you felt your whole body get hot once again. It's true, you hadn't had sex in months. You blamed it on your busy work schedule, and while half of it was true, you didn't want to blame your illiteracy of flirting or putting yourself out there.

"You bitch! That was supposed to be our secret. Way to put my business out there." You half-joked, and you were only embarrassed because she was telling the truth. Your body craved to be touched so badly, but your right hand really wasn't cutting it for you anymore.

"What'd I miss?" Pedro rejoined the three of you, but he was being coy. He overheard y/b/f/n talking about your... dry spell. He held a glass of whiskey, neat, in his hand, his eyes finding yours once more. You blushed a little as he took a sip of his drink, not breaking eye contact even once.

That single look alone was enough to make your panties wet. God, this man was so hot. Clenching your thighs wasn't going to cut it anymore.

"Just about work and stuff." You answered him while shrugging, looking down at the marble flooring beneath your feet.

"And stuff?" Pedro repeated, more as a question. Oscar and y/b/f/n exchanged glances, that thick tension between you and Pedro returning once again.

"Hey Oscar, come with me to get a drink." y/b/f/n suggested, and Oscar caught on immediately as he held out his arm for y/b/f/n to hook onto. They both disappeared within the crowd, leaving you and Pedro both to your erratic thoughts.

You peered up at him through your thick false lashes your best friend had put on you, not being able to form a single damn word. The affect this man had on you drove you absolutely insane.

He suddenly smiled at you, raising the glass in his hand so it was just below eye level to you. "Happy birthday, cariña. Salud." He cheers you, clinking his glass with yours. This time, both of you took a sip of your drinks without breaking eye contact with each other.

You're not sure if your sudden boldness came from the previous five shots you've taken, or if it was the unbearable tension between the two of you, but you held out your hand for him to take. He looks down, almost immediately lacing his fingers with yours. You felt heat rise to your cheeks from his touch, loving the way his hand felt in yours.

"Do you wanna, maybe, go upstairs?" You ask him in the most confident way you could muster up.

A look of shock flashes through his eyes, but is quickly replaced with lust and desire. He ran his tongue over his bottom lip and gave your hand a slight squeeze. "Lead the way."

Your heart skipped a beat as you nodded, leading in front of him with your hands still intertwined. You knew it was too crowded and people were too drunken to even think of looking for you and Pedro, so you thought this was the perfect opportunity. You lead him up the steps to your bedroom, stopping before the door. You unlaced your fingers from his and opened the mahogany wooden door, stepping inside and he follows suit. You shut the door softly and lock it, just in case.

Your nerves return again as you face him, the full moon beaming into your large-windowed room. The moonlight hit his face perfectly, showing off all of his handsome features.

"So." You began, feeling a bit awkward again. Pedro chuckled at your shyness. He thought it was cute how flustered he made you.

"Do I make you nervous, mama?" He asked, his voice low bedroom voice immediately taking effect. Holy fuck.

You gulped at the pet name, feeling your core heat up even more than it already was. You were pretty sure if he even touched you, you'd orgasm. "Wh-what?" You whisper, losing all of your cool in that moment.

"I said," Pedro steps toward you, towering over you once more, "Do I make you nervous," he leans down to your ear, "mama?"

You couldn't hold it in anymore. You groaned at the pet name, looking up at him pleadingly. He got his answer right then and there, closing the space between the two of you. One of his hands firmly grasped on your hip, the other flush against the small of your back. His brown eyes bored into yours, and you were left wanting, waiting, anticipating.

"Well? What do you want me to do, cariña?" His breath was a mix of mint and the whiskey he was sipping on. He tilted his head, looking at you expectedly.

"Kiss me, please." Your voice was barely above a whisper, but Pedro wasted no time. He closed the distance between you two, finally encapturing your lips with his. You both moan into the kiss, fervor running through the course of your entire being. His kiss was gentle, yet so passionate. Your hands found their way into his hair, tugging slightly which caused him to moan into your mouth. He pulled away from you slowly, cupping one of your cheeks while moving his thumb back and forth, breathing staggered.

Your chest rose and fell rapidly, searching his eyes for any hint that he wanted to stop. There were none.

"Get on the bed," He demands, his eyes watching you as you moved past him and sauntered to your bed, clad in satin sheets. He smirked to himself as he noticed the sheets. "Fancy." He tilts his head toward the sheets, moving to you. You sat upright on the bed, arms straight behind you to hold you up.

He knelt down on one knee and if your dress wasn't on, he'd be eye level with your core. The thought of that made you dripping wet. You bit your lip as he moved his hands to unbuckle the straps of your heels you had on, kissing you right below the inside of your knee on both legs before he dropped your heels to the floor.

He stood up to look down at you, admiring you laid out on the huge bed.

"My god, mama, you're so beautiful." He rasps, unbuttoning his jacket. You quiver at the sound of his voice, becoming more needy as the seconds go by. He moved himself so he could lean over you, one knee between your thighs. He grabs the fabric of your dress from the bottom, sliding the material up your freshly-shaven and lotioned legs. He stops moving the dress up when it was around your hips, and his vision was now met with the black lace thong you had on, which was now soaked. He looks at you for approval, and once you gave him the okay to touch you, he moved his head down between your thighs.

He started to kiss in between your thighs, lightly biting the same spots he kissed which made you yelp in surprise. Pedro smirked at the sound, continuing the journey of his mouth to reach your core. He kissed you through your panties, making you moan loudly. You were glad the doors in your house were heavy and the music downstairs was blasting, because quite frankly you didn't need nosey people knowing you were about to get fucked by one of the hottest men you've ever laid your eyes on.

Pedro moves his hands to hook into the sides of your panties, tapping the sides of your hips. You raise your hips so he can slide them off of your body. He tosses them to the side of him on the floor, grabbing your hips and dragging you to the edge of the bed. He was on his knees at the foot of your bed, mouth salivating as he took the sight of your glistening core in.

"You're this wet and I haven't even touched you yet, cariña. What am I going to do with you?" Pedro was dragging out the teasing, and he knew you wanted his touch so bad. He wasn't helping his case either, because he needed sweet release from his pants that seemed to get tighter around him every minute that passed.

"Fuck me. That's what you should do." You retort, and that was enough to make him lowly growl and move back down between your thighs. He finally kissed your core and started lapping away, his mustache and beard immediately covered by your wetness. His skilled tongue felt heavenly against you. You couldn't help but start writhing once he pulled his tongue away, sliding two fingers into you. He wanted to see you lose it over his touch, and my god, were you the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen.

He moved his mouth back down, lapping you up once more. The sound of him eating you out and your moans, which were getting louder, echoed throughout the room. You felt a burning desire in the depths of your core, knowing you were close to a sweet release.

"'M gonna cum, oh, fuck." You cursed aloud, your legs starting to stiffen.

"That's it mama, just for me," Pedro coaxed you, his fingers moving at an even faster pace, curling inside of you. You convulsed around him on his command, your head spinning as your orgasm ripped through you. You cried out, your thighs pinching together at the overwhelming high you just experienced.

No one has ever made you come like that.

Though you were still shaky, you stood up and reached toward Pedro to unbutton his shirt. You moved the soft material down his toned, tan arms, admiring the view just as he'd done to you earlier.

"You're so handsome." You wrap your hands around the back of his neck, bringing him closer to you. He smiles softly at your compliment, dipping his head down so his lips met yours. You kissed him with all the passion you held, wanting him to know just how much you wanted him without saying a word. You tasted yourself on his tongue and could feel how soaked his beard really was.

You turn him around and gently push him onto the bed. He stares up at you as you slowly take your dress off, letting it pool around your feet on the floor. You didn't happen to be wearing a bra with the dress, so you were now completely naked.

Pedro groaned in lustful agony at the sight of you, resting his forehead on your stomach as he wrapped his hands around the back of your thighs. He kissed your stomach softly, almost pouting when you moved back from him.

"It's my turn to take care of you." You purred, causing his eyes to widen. You pushed his shoulders down gently, but with enough force to assert some sort of dominance.

You loved being a switch and loved the fact that Pedro was letting you be one.

Your nimble fingers move to Pedro's belt buckle, getting it undone in a swift manner. You unbuttoned his pants, moving the zipper down and he immediately lifts his hips so you can get his pants off of him. He moans at the sweet release from his pants, just aching to be touched by you.

You swallowed thickly once more as you looked down at his briefs, his bulge as clear as day. A surge of confidence washed over you, knowing that you turned him on like that.

You reached up to rest one hand by his head, the other one reaching down toward his briefs. You began to palm him, multiple low groans escaping from his mouth.

"Fuck, I need that pretty mouth of yours already." He whimpered, grabbing a fistful of your hair. You finally decided to stop your teasing and relieve him of his misery. Grabbing his briefs in your hands, you pulled them all the way down and tossed them onto the floor with the rest of your guys' clothing. You stared down at the beautiful man in front of you, naked and clearly unafraid. You were basking in the sight, wondering how the hell you even got to this point in the first place.

You gently grabbed him in your hand, pumping his length slowly. Your thumb ran over the tip, making him hiss in pleasure. You smiled at his reaction as you brought the tip of his length to your mouth, kissing it once, then swirling your tongue slowly-- teasingly.

You ran your tongue down the bottom, going slow enough to have Pedro squirming underneath you.

"Please, y/n," He begged, breathless, "I need to be inside that pretty mouth." That was enough to make your bones jump. Hearing him say your name like that made you want to do unspeakable things with this man.

Relaxing your jaw, you took his full length into your mouth, moving your head up and down at a steady pace.

"That's it, mama, right there," Pedro praises, making you moan against him. "Just like that." His voice was strangled, and when you licked a bold stripe up his protruding vein that was on his length, he gripped your hair tighter and let out a loud moan.

"Fuck, you're so good at this," You picked up the pace, using your hand where your mouth couldn't fit. "Fuck, y/n, princess, I'm close." You felt the tip hit the back of your throat, and that sent him completely over the edge. He cried out your name as he came, feeling the warm liquid shoot down your throat.

You swallowed after he was done, wiping a dribble that got onto your chin.

"That was so fucking hot," Pedro looked at you, breathlessly. "C'mere." You moved up to him and he gave you a rather needy kiss.

"On your knees, princess." He smirked, and you did as you were told. He drank in the delicious sight before him-- your ass up, waiting for him to absolutely demolish you. You got butterflies just thinking about how you'd feel around him.

Pedro stood on his knees behind you, kissing the lower middle of your back before smacking your ass. You gasped at the unexpected contact, but that just made your core clench with excitement. He grabbed onto your hips, steadying you as you felt his length rub up against your ass.

"Are you ready, mama?" He coaxed, fingers digging into your hips slightly. You felt yourself tremble with excitement, barely being able to form any words.

"Yes," you're breathless, anxious and needy. Never in a million years did you think this would become your reality.

You felt one of Pedro's hands leave your hip, taking his length into his own hand as he positioned himself to your entrance. He slowly pushed the tip into you, making you gasp with excitement. You couldn't wait any longer, so you pushed your hips back onto him so he fully sank into your heat.

Groans left both of you, you getting used to his length and him getting used to your tightness. You stayed still for a full second to fully adjust to each other, and then he started to move. Really move.

Your breath almost got knocked out from your lungs as he slid backwards, then came back forward full force.

"Fuck," you gasp, gripping onto the satin beneath your fingers. You grit your teeth with how much he filled your wanting, aching heat, hitting just the right angles as he began to thrust even faster. You started to catch onto his rhythm, moving your hips back with force.

The sound of skin on skin slapping harshly rang throughout the room, moans and groans slipping from both of you. Pedro moved his hand, sliding it up the front of your body, finding its way to your neck. He spread his fingers out, so he had a tight grip on either side of your throat.

Holy. Fucking. Shit.

He used the hand wrapped around your throat to coax your body upwards, so your back was against his chest. His hot, staggered breaths met your ear, making you moan. He moved his other free hand off of your hip, slipping it between your legs. His fingers started to rub soft circles around your clit, and the stimulation from it all brought back that warm, patronizing heat deep within.

He was absolutely enthralled with the way your body fit so perfectly with him, enjoying the fact that he was going to be the culprit of your undoing soon enough. You just felt so right on him, your pace and movements flowing with him so naturally.

"Fuck, princess, you feel so good," He groans into your ear, his hands simultaneously tightening around your throat and working at your clit faster. You knew you were done for, and all you could do was just let yourself enjoy the ride... literally.

His thrusts started to become sloppy and his breath was so rigid and uneven, he could barely hold on much longer himself.

"Cum for me, mi amor." He groaned, and his voice was enough to tip you over the edge, once more. That white, hot feeling in the pit of your core exploded, ripping through you once more as you moaned his name so loudly, not really giving a fuck if any of the party guests could hear you riding out your orgasm.

He slipped out of you and seconds later, you felt warm liquid spurting onto your backside as a string of profanities left his mouth. You slumped down onto your bed, completely spent and out of breath. You heard him get up from the bed, walking to the left of your room where the bathroom happened to be. He returned shortly after, cleaning up your backside with a towel before laying down next to you.

You peered up at him, brown eyes already looking back at you. He was trying to steady his breath, hand reaching up to move the hair from your face.

"That was," you trailed off, letting your lungs catch up on the air they were lacking, "So fucking amazing." You said timidly, suddenly feeling shy. All that you could think about in that moment was that Pedro Pascal was literally in your bed. What the fuck?

"It was," He chuckled, reaching his hand out to your chin so he could tilt it up, pressing a soft kiss to your lips. "You did so well, mama. So tell me... now that you've been fucked by your celebrity crush, will you go out on a date with him, too?"

Your eyes widen in horror, feeling embarrassed that he actually heard about your confession. You groan and bury your face in your hands, making him chuckle.

"Of course I'll go out on a date with him." You laugh, uncovering your face. He grins, taking one of your hands and kissing the back of it.

You're both so enthralled with each other that you almost don't even hear the knock on your bedroom door.

"Y/n, are you in there? We want to sing happy birthday to you!" Y/b/f/n called through the door, her voice muffled.

"Just a second!" You yell in a panic, scrambling off the bed as you go to pick up your dress. Pedro is slightly amused, watching you slip the long gown back on over your body. He gets up and dressed, only taking a couple of minutes.

"Can you zip me up?" You ask him, turning your back toward him so he can easily access the zipper to your dress. You feel his warm hands trail down your back, sending a shiver down your spine. He zips you up slowly, loving the feeling of your hot skin beneath his fingertips. He kisses your shoulder once you're zipped up, and you turn back around to face him. He looks down at the floor, suddenly noticing your lacy underwear at the bottom of his feet.

He bends down to pick them up, not even bothering to hand them over to you. He stuffs them in the back pocket of his pants, giving you a cheeky grin. He leans down to your ear, pressing a feather-like kiss onto it.

"C'mon birthday girl, let's go celebrate you some more." He whispers, kissing you beneath your ear this time. He spins you around and ushers you to the door after you check your hair and makeup.

You totally look freshly fucked, and quite frankly, so does he. You really didn't care, though, because you were feeling so euphoric at tonight's events altogether.

Best. Birthday Ever.

#pedro pascal imagines #pedro pascal #pedro pascal smut #pedro pascal x y/n #pedro pascal x female reader #pedro pascal one shot

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lastweeksshirttonight · 9 months

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Did you want my notes on Strike Force Five episode one? No? TOO BAD! YOU'RE GETTING THEM!

(Heavy spoilers for episode 1 if you plan on listening soon!)

- I love the show's overall vibe and the "roles" that all of the guys play. It's definitely a free-wheeling, off the rails kind of show, where everyone is rambling over each other; the personalities involved can make or break this kind of podcast, and everyone thankfully is playing to their strengths.

Kimmel serves as the overall show runner and is seemingly the only one endeavoring to keep anything on track, which is a slightly thankless job with this group, but he's got a soundboard and all his radio experience guiding him. Colbert also leans into being the other "elder statesman", as it were, but is much easier to derail (and provides his own episode eclipsing derail I'll talk about later). Fallon is surprisingly reserved and a bit awkward - I'm not the hugest fan of Fallon, but in this podcast, that energy serves him pretty well. Kimmel introduces Seth as "the cute one" and he seems the most neutral so far, just there to ask questions and crack jokes. And John is their super sarcastic "evil teammate" who occasionally interjects to just destroy everyone. Perfect dynamics, 10/10, no notes.

- Seth qualifies his eyes as ocean blue. John says they're Gatorade blue. I don't think I've ever laughed harder at a description of someone's eyes.

- There's a point where I assume there must have been a really blunt edit, because Fallon changes the topic abruptly to having a doctorate. Otherwise, I love the image of Fallon just sitting on that revelation and WAITING, BURSTING to talk about how he has a doctorate, while everyone else talks about Kimmel getting paid summers off.

- Everyone mention multiple times that they have sponsors and are doing this show to help pay their staff during the strikes, which is lovely. This does not mean they aren't taking the piss out of their sponsors. I never thought I'd hear worse ad copy reading than I do on The Jeff Gerstmann Show (I love Jeff, don't get me wrong, but his ad copy screaming is hilariously bad), but the Casamigos ad in this is something else. John spends most of his reading time shitting on a bleeped-out competitor that he calls "not fit for human consumption", Stephen says "you're gonna wanna wipe your ass with it" and likens it to the smoothness of sheets you make love on, there's a disembodied "woo" at some point, Seth stumbles all over a few Spanish words, and Fallon delivers his lines in his awful fake French Timothee Chalamet puppet voice. It's pure chaos and I love it so much.

- Kimmel referring to "the despicable Matt Damon" made me so happy.

- John has never done a deposition. Kimmel saying "I'm surprised you're not in prison" gets lost which is sad, that's a fucking hilarious joke.

- Fallon tells an amazing story about his mom being a nun for a week. She left after being reprimanded for taking Lifesavers into the nunnery and then left. My late aunt and best friend, who was also a nun, probably would have loved Jimmy's mom, as she was always going on wine tastings and picked the order she joined entirely based on who would let her continue to drink after taking her vows. Jimmy also has a picture of his mom dressed as a nun holding a doll dressed as a nun, which is absurd and adorable.

- This leads to everyone but Seth confessing that they'd all thought about becoming priests at some point. That doesn't shock me about Stephen at all, tbf, knowing how religious he is.

- I have to shamefully admit that when John mentioned that he told his father he wanted to be a vicar, my brain went to an extremely Fleabag place and I had to rewind the podcast once I snapped out of it and realized I'd missed like 3 minutes of jokes (including a fantastic one from Seth about John having a doll of himself as a child, like Fallon's mom's nun doll).

- "Don't you want a whole new crop of relatives to visit and entertain?" "Do you wanna get cancelled?! :D" The two Jimmys everyone.

- Stephen reveals who he has everyone saved as in his phone, to prevent people from figuring out who his contacts are if his phone gets stolen. John's is Joliver, which 1) was his name as written on TDS scripts to differentiate him from Jon Stewart, and 2) as everyone points out, is a VERY easy code to crack. Don't really need Sherlock for that one.

- ONE OF US ALERT: Stephen collects weird late night shit, like a hat from The Chevy Chase Show (John literally goes "WOW") and a silk jacket from The Pat Sajak Show. I am very jealous of this collection.

- Next episode everyone will talk about first episodes. I cannot wait to hear John talk about how all over the place his first episode is.

- The big story, running joke, and completely wild admission from this episode - Stephen Colbert has a pair of Nicaraguan dictator Anastasio Somoza's pants. Fallon asks how no one outbid him, and it turns out his MOTHER had them BECAUSE SHE DATED HIM. His uncle went to LaSalle Military Academy with Somoza, and Somoza stayed with them during holiday breaks. Everyone else in the room picks up on the idea that Stephen's mom probably slept with a dictator (or as Kimmel says, "made love to a murderer"), Seth claims his mom drinks coffee out of Ferdinand Marcos' skull, and every other male figure Stephen brings up for the rest of the episode is assumed to be someone his mom slept with.

If you asked me before listening to this podcast if I thought there were going to be a pile of elevated "your mom" jokes holding it together, I would have pretty strongly said "no". Surprises at every turn in this pod.

The beginning of this story also captures John SO STRONGLY, and he wants to hear everything about it. Definite Bugle vibes there, this man will never not want to hear about weird dictator facts. He also manages to completely kill Seth by saying "Anastasio Somoza's pants, brought to you by Casamigos".

- Finally, I have already sent an email to the show asking about Planet of the Bass, to make up for my complete failure to ask at the Q&A. I got y'all, we'll get this answer some day.

#strike force five #john oliver #seth meyers #stephen colbert #jimmy kimmel #jimmy fallon #literally wrote this at work so apologies for its complete lack of coherence #but spotify you ✨️fucks✨️

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supercalifragipopculturevomit · 4 months

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BLOOPERS: Burnt Cast x Today Interview (2015) This blooper cut always has me in stitches. It reminds me of those times you're hanging out with friends and it hits that hour—usually around 4 AM—when you're all sleepy and exhausted but y'all still don't want the night to end and this shared but unspoken agreement to carry on makes everyone loopy and suddenly everything—and I mean EVERYTHING—just triggers a fit of giggles. Childhood trauma? Hilarious.

Here's the main highlight of the video:

Daniel giving his best swan with that ridiculous pornstache—what more could you want? p.s. Bradley Cooper has another interview he could barely get through in a similar fashion, this time with Jimmy Fallon. Not the biggest fan of Fallon and his fake laugh but this one's legit. I was crying with laughter the first time I saw it.

#daniel brühl #tony balerdi #burnt #bradley cooper #sienna miller #interview #blooper #video #my gif

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tommydarlings · 2 years

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❝ You looking for trouble? You came to the right place! ❞

My Requests are open! ✉ I will update it everytime as soon as i post and my fics will be listed from oldest ( top ) to newest ( bottom)! ✍

Every single one is x female reader but of course everyone is welcome here ⚤

Smut ➯ everyone is there then aged up to 18 or + ☮

main masterlist <3

Who am I writing about?: Austin Butler ❣

What for kind of fics will i write?: fluff, angst & smut ❣ ✧

Join my taglist here ✧ prompt list’s ✧

my ko-fi to support me! ✧ my PayPal to support me! ✧ my Patreon to become a member!

If my 'support me' links shouldn’t be working, please click here! ✧ Why am I doing Patreon?

kinkmas masterlist ;)

PLEASE READ </3 | HELP OTHERS!!!

Enjoy reading and stay safe, ily liz <3 🎬

key:

☁ = fluff ☯ = angst ♡ = smut ✰ = favorite ♫ = song

─ 𝐀𝐔𝐒𝐓𝐈𝐍 𝐁𝐔𝐓𝐋𝐄𝐑 ─

˗ ˏ O N E S H O T S ˎ ˗

do i wanna know? | ♡ ♫ [1.2k]

Summary: You really didn't wanted to repeat the toxic realitionship you had with your ex boyfriend austin butler but let's be honest, how could you resist him when he's fucking you so good?

angel | ♡ ☁️ [1.8k]

Summary: It was austin's and yours one year anniversary, so when you give him a hoddie with a picture of you where you look like an angel, he decides to fuck you like one.

teacher‘s pet | ♡ ♫ [2.1k]

Summary: you knew that fucking your teacher was against the rules, so you hoped that your religion teacher was able to fuck some sense into you.

33 minutes of heaven | ♡ ☁️ [1.4k]

Summary: your boyfriend isn’t happy with the fact that you’ve been faking your orgasms so he proves you that he can make you cum until you physically and mentally can’t anymore, with a little twist at the end.

Die for you | ♡ ♫ [2.1k] // full work on patreon - [3.3k]

Summary: after a risky action of yours, Austin realises that he’s the only one that can teach you some respect and manners, in a very mean and kind of dangerous way.

Lost puppy | ♡ [1.2k]

Summary: you were mad at your fiancé because of the way he’s treating you, like you have no allowance to say anything, so he shows you just how much allowance you got to say something… absolutely none.

Pour it out | ☁️ [1.1k]

Summary: At Jimmy fallon's infamous tonight show, a lot of interesting and funny answers get told, but not all the questions.

Save a horse, ride a cowboy | ☁️ ♡ [1.1k] // full work on patreon - [1.9k]

Summary: 'Save a horse, ride a cowboy' is a saying that’s been in your mind for quite a long time already and you were always able to resist your wild fantasy… until now.

all good things come in threes | ♡ ✰ [2.2k] // full work on patreon - [3.8k]

Summary: After being pulled over — for speeding, by the same cop for two times already, you should have learned your lesson, right? Yeah… you didn’t — and now you've got to face the consequences.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

˗ ˏ S E R I E S ˎ ˗

—

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

˗ ˏ B L U R B S ˎ ˗

pretty princess | ☁ ✰ [0.9k]

Summary: austin is always taking good care of you, especially when your in little space.

only you | ☯ ☁ [0.7k]

Summary: from screaming at each other, to sitting on the counter top with him worshipping your body and kissing you only takes seconds.

marked up angel | ♡ ☁ [0.7k]

Summary: you just wanted him to touch you, you were so touch desperate, but in the end he actually gave you something even better.

Why aren’t you laughing anymore? | ♡ ✰ [0.6k]

Summary: You loved fucking with Austin while he’s trying so hard to make you cum, and he loves winning, seeing your tears and the realisation that you’ve lost.

A&W | ♡✰♫ [0.9k]

Summary: Being nice usually always pays off, but not when you have a very possessive and mean husband who does not like seeing you talking to other guys one bit.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

˗ ˏ I N S T A G R A M A U ’ S ˎ ˗

lil elvis | ☁ (dad!austin)

'till death do us apart | ☁ (husband!austin)

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

˗ ˏ tommydarlings thinking about… ˎ ˗

him desperately wanting to fuck you while you are on your period | ☁ ✰

size kink with him | ♡ ☁️

prof!austin fucking student!reader dumb and some sense into her | ♡

#masterlist #austin butler #austin butler ff #austin butler fanfiction #austin butler x reader #austin butler x y/n #austin butler x you #austin butler x fem!reader #austin butler masterlist

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sillygooseassociation · 2 years

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The Facts of Life

Request: i'm screaming crying throwing the fuck up about that jason blurb...now that he mentioned another baby i need you to write about telling him he got you pregnant. pretty please?

Description: Recounting the events leading up to this point of your relationship with Jason, your view of how life works changes as you prepare to tell him big news.

Warnings: pregnancy, mentions of fertility issues and miscarriage

Pairing: Jason Sudeikis x reader

Word Count: 3.4k

A/N: This ended up being way longer than I thought it would be and I don't know if I even fulfilled the prompt how they would have wanted, but I'm super proud of how this turned out! This was requested as kind of a part 2 to Ignore the Headlines and I ended up combining it with the jsuds x reader of Meeting the Crew. Honestly, I think this could all be a little universe, idk, what would y'all think of that? Anyway, the two connected fics are linked, though you can read this one on its own!

You were always a very logical person. Facts were facts. Plans were plans. Hopes were hopes. It was best to not confuse or combine the three. There were many points in your adulthood that solidified the importance of their separation.

Walking into 30 Rock, the uneasiness in your stomach grew despite your attempt to push it down. It was finally here. Your first day as an intern at NBC hadn’t even officially begun and yet you felt the need to keel over and throw up everything in your stomach. Taking a deep breath, you approach the front desk where you are then directed to the second floor to have your picture taken, then handed a building ID with that same photo printed on it.

After a day of being shown the ropes, you finally received your assignment. All you had ever wanted in life was to work for Saturday Night Live. Since eight years old, you stayed up late every Saturday to watch the show, it was your favorite day of the week. Your love for it didn’t deter as you grew older, it strengthened if anything. From Amy and Tina to Seth and Bill, the new age of cast members kept the legacy alive and well.

So when you were instead assigned to The Tonight Show, a little part of your heart broke. Sure, Jimmy Fallon also helped to carry on the legacy of SNL, but the seemingly fake laugh and cheesy jokes just weren’t what you were hoping for. Hope, it just didn’t work out.

After your intern year, your dreams seemed to be coming true as a position opened up for a Production Assistant on Saturday Night Live. You decided to take your chances, updating your resume with your new year of experience before you submitted your application. No hoping this time, just confident in your abilities, that the hiring team would know you were the best person for the job.

That confidence ended up paying off, being offered the job only two weeks after applying, the email offer saying the NBC family didn’t want to lose you. While you were sure that was pure horseshit automatically included in the drafter letter, you didn’t want to complain. It seemed that everything was working out in your favor, not that you were going to tempt fate by jinxing yourself.

Assigned to cue cards and props, you didn’t often interact with the celebrity guests. To be honest, that didn’t bother you much. You had met a year’s worth of stars while working on Fallon, they were nice enough for the most part. But you were just too excited about your job to worry about the famous people around you. Plus, if you thought about it, none of the hosts or musical guests of the season were particularly exciting to you.

That is, until the fourth week, when Mr. Jason Sudeikis walked into the studio on Monday morning. Jason wasn’t your favorite SNL alum, but he surely was in your top five, and you can’t deny how ridiculously attractive the man is. With your prop responsibilities, your run-ins with Jason were kept to a minimum. And by minimum, you meant a single time in which you spoke to each other when he happened to ask you to pass the sharpie on the other side of the table. You played it super cool, passing the marker to him with a small smile before looking back down to the card you were currently writing lines on, hoping your blush wasn’t too obvious.

It wasn’t until Saturday night that you became quite acquainted with Jason, well more like Jason’s crotch. Staring at his crotch for five minutes as two adults dressed like children harassed him. This situation would have been awkward enough on its own, but with him being dressed in khakis? Your suspicions about a certain size while watching him in khakis on Ted Lasso seemed to be confirmed.

Sitting in a small compartment for five minutes, only busy when handing Jason his two props, you decided to close your eyes in an attempt to ignore the view you had. That decision failed, not being able to do it for even thirty seconds. Trying to distract yourself, you thought of your plan for the rest of the evening: finish the show, clean up all the cue cards and get them in their room, head to the subway for your ride home, eat something when you get to your apartment and then head to bed, all before you then come back to 30 Rock the next day.

After a helpful host, a dirty accidental joke made by said host, and the episode coming to an end, you made your way to the card room. Less boring than it sounds, the room is lined with shelves holding every single cue card in Saturday Night Live history. The nerd in you feels like combusting every time you’re in this room. Hearing a light knock on the door, you turn to see Jason leaning on the door frame, a bashful smile on his face as you make eye contact.

“Hey, Y/N.” Hearing him say your name, you drop the stack of cards you’re holding, muttering under your breath as you reach down to grab them “Fuck.” Jason chuckles, walking closer as you stand back up, putting the stack in their spot on the shelf before turning back to him, “Am I really that horrible? I make you curse and drop things?” You shake your head and chuckle in response, looking down at the floor nervously, “No, you’re not horrible. Just didn’t expect you to know my name.”

Jason gives you a confused look as if you were completely stupid for even suggesting such a thing, “Of course I know your name. I’d be a piece of shit if I didn’t ask the name of someone staring at my dick for five minutes.” You laugh heartily, relaxing a bit as you round the table in between you two to lean against it next to where he stands. “Good to know, good to know.”

Jason turns to look at you, a small smile on his face before he looks down at his sneakers, playing with his feet a bit. “Speaking of which, I wanna apologize for that comment I made earlier, I would never mean to make you feel uncomfortable.” You smile at him in thanks, nudging his shoulder lightly with your own, “Thanks but, it's okay, I could tell you didn’t mean anything by it as soon as you realized what you said.”

He chuckles, looking at you with a joking expression, “Um, excuse you, it was totally intentional. I was just making sure you had a good sense of humor. Had to make sure the SNL crew hadn’t lost the spark since I left, ya know?” Giggling as he winks at you, you nod your head, “Ah, totally. I’m sure that’s what happened.”

Jason laughs with a twinkle in his eye, deciding to just go for it, “Really though, I’m sorry. I don’t want to make anyone uncomfortable. Definitely don’t want to make a bad impression on anyone.” He pauses, looking down nervously before looking back up at you, wearing an impish smile, “Especially you.”

At that, your face turns as red as the giant dog often known as Clifford, a response that Jason laughs at before moving, standing in front of you as he begins to end a conversation he desperately wants to continue, “Anyway, I gotta get going, don’t wanna keep the old friends waiting. You’re coming to the after-party, right? I’d love to apologize once more over drinks.”

You nod at an embarrassingly quick speed before realizing how desperate you probably look, slowing your nods in an attempt to come off as cool, “Yeah, of course. I wouldn’t miss it for the world.” Jason smiles brightly at your response, walking backwards to the door, never breaking eye contact with you. As a result, he walks into the door frame, and while it definitely hurt his shoulder blade, he would do it a million times over if it meant he got to hear your giggle that came out at his goof up. “Great, I mean, good, um, cool. I’ll make sure to keep an eye out for you.”

So much for planning on heading home after that.

You reorganize the crayon box once more, wanting it to be in perfect rainbow order. But what do you even do with the browns? Do you put them next to red because of their similar darker hues? Or do you go from purple into gray which then goes to brown? And don’t even get you started on white, does it go with the light pinks and purples because they’re all light, or next to the black as the two ends of the color spectrum? Letting out a groan of frustration, you rearrange the order again before feeling someone sit down on the bar stool next to you at the kitchen island.

“Um, baby? You okay?” Turning to Jason in exasperation, your worries aren’t gone but they are surely quieted when seeing the concerned and loving look on his face. “Y-yeah, I’m fine, just want everything to be perfect.” Jason gives you a look that seems to be a cross between compassion and pity, though you know he doesn’t truly pity you. “Y/N, you do know that my children have been to my house before, correct?”

Rolling your eyes, you give him a displeased look though his chuckle in response clearly shows that he’s not taking you seriously, “Yes, Jas, I know that your children have been here before, God. But they haven’t been here before while I have been here.” Jason nods in understanding, pulling you closer so that he can give you a reassuring kiss on the forehead, “That is true, but I don’t think it truly will matter.”

You sigh as you nod slightly, leaning into his side as you mess with a couple of the crayons, “I know, I know. I factually know that I have nothing to worry about, but that still doesn’t mean that I’m not nervous to meet them.” Jason rubs circles on your lower back, kissing the side of your head, not sure of the right way to calm your nerves but knowing physical touch won’t hurt. “And that’s totally fair hun, I would be nervous too if I was in your situation. But I truly don’t think you have anything to worry about. Daisy and Otis could be happy just sitting here and talking your ear off for hours.” You look at him with a small smile and a light giggle, “Hm, I wonder who they get that from.”

Jason takes his arm from around you, standing up as he rolls his eyes and waves you off, walking to finish cleaning the dishes, “Yeah yeah, whatever. Anyway, you love them and you haven’t even met them yet, you’ve told me as much. As long as they have someone showing them the love they deserve, they will be happy and content. Which is exactly how I’ll be too.” He sends you one more reassuring smile before turning to the sink, scrubbing the last few dishes as you walk over, hugging him from behind and kissing his left shoulder blade through his sweatshirt. “Thanks bubs, you’re right, I know you are. I just want to make the perfect first impression, I plan on being in their life for as long as you and they will have me.”

Turning off the water, Jason turns around in your arms to return your embrace, kissing your forehead before then leaning his on yours, “So forever? Because that’s what I’m planning on.” You blush deeply, nodding intently before leaning in to give him a gentle kiss, “Sounds perfect.”

The doorbell rings throughout the Manhattan Brownstone, the two of you heading to the door, hand in hand. Before opening it, Jason turns to you, “You’re gonna be great baby, just think, you can’t make a worst first impression on the kids than I did on you.” You push down your sure-to-be loud laughs as he opens the door, two small humans hugging him tightly before turning to you with bright smiles.

Your facts were right, you had nothing to worry about. No one can make a worst first impression than Jason.

Jason began to tease you about spending the rest of his life with you after about six months, around the same time you met the kids. His teasing turned to serious promises to make you his wife a little after your one-year anniversary. Little comments about having children together were dropped here and there. Talks of an engagement coming soon came two years in, just before meeting his Ted Lasso family, the two of you finally feeling comfortable to take the risk of being seen in public together. He then made his raging baby fever known about a month after getting down on one knee.

After four months with a ring on your finger, you had gotten in the habit of remembering to put it back on after taking a shower. The day after your engagement, Jason saw you walking around the house without it on and his heart broke just a little. You were slipping the ring back on during your morning routine when you realized it was the 15th of the month, or more specifically, three days after when your period normally began.

As soon as Jason told you that he was serious about wanting more kids with you, the two of you began trying. Of course, the actual act was fun, but he was already a bit of an older dad and he wanted to be as young as possible for any children you had. You also couldn’t wait, the idea of carrying Jason’s child and having a human that was the perfect mix of you brought a smile to your face. Your hearts were full of hope that you would be able to welcome a child into this world together.

As you realized the date and that your cycle hadn’t started on schedule, you quickly pulled a pregnancy test out from under your sink. Quickly doing the necessary steps, you sat on the edge of the bathtub as your phone counted down from five minutes, the test placed on the counter in front of you. Of course, this wasn’t a complete surprise. You and Jason haven’t used condoms since you became exclusive and you went off the pill as soon as you agreed to start trying. You planned for this, you had sex at least once a day when ovulating, you abstained from alcohol, and you even tried the old wive’s trick of putting your legs in the air after orgasming (that one was Jason’s idea). Even with all of the planning, you never expected it would work after only three months of trying.

You were on your feet as soon as the phone timer went off, turning the test over to reveal the life-changing result. Tears instantly ran down your face, having trouble believing the word on the white stick, pregnant. Just to be sure, you took three more tests, all different brands. Sure, you were crying while peeing on each stick, but how could you not? Once the three additional tests agreed with the original diagnosis, you let out a screech, you were pregnant!

Once you and Jason decided to try, baby talk was pretty much all your conversations consisted of. Sure, you still talked about your days and went on weekly dates, but at night, when laying in your shared bed - often after sex - your conversations eventually led to being about the baby. How Daisy and Otis would respond, the different names you each liked, or how long of a break Jason would take when the baby arrived. No matter what, you talked about the baby. Jason would ask things like, “When we have a baby, do you think we should move out of the city? We have the space here, but maybe a brand new house would be fun.” You would respond and you wouldn’t correct him, but every time you talked about the baby, you refused to use the word ‘when’.

Sure, you dreamt of having a child with Jason. You were perfectly content being a stepmom to Otis and Daisy, they are your kids as much as they are Jason’s. But that doesn’t mean you didn’t yearn for another child to call your own. As much as you wanted another child, it wouldn’t necessarily happen. What if you and Jason are unlucky and couldn’t get pregnant? What if you are infertile and don’t know it? What if you get pregnant and miscarry? You don’t know if you’d have the ability to try again after that. Of course, you could always adopt or find a surrogate, but to have a child this way, there was no way to know for sure that it would happen. So you stood firm in your word choice, ‘if’ not ‘when’.

When Jason entered your house that night, exhausted after a day of filming, he was overjoyed to see a receipt from his favorite pizza joint dropped on the ground. As much as he loved your cooking, some days he just needed to fill his stomach with pizza to his heart’s content, and somehow, you always knew when those days were. Sneaking up behind you as you open the lid of the delivery box, he wrapped his arms tightly around you, pressing a kiss to the base of your neck, “Hey there, beautiful.”

Smiling brightly, you lean back into Jason’s arms, enjoying his warmth and smell. You always loved the smell of your fiancé, you stole his clothes whenever possible. But with how his scent dominated the smell of the pizza as soon as he walked in, at least in your mind it did, you could already tell that your pregnancy hormones would be going crazy for his pheromones.

Pulling at Jason’s arms lightly, he loosens them just enough for you to turn around in his grasp, wrapping your arms around his neck before you pull him in for a sweet kiss. Jason deepens the kiss, running his tongue along your bottom lip; and as much as you wanted to give in, you desperately wanted to eat the pizza and also couldn’t hold your news in much longer. You pull away a bit, though Jason chases your lips, much to your entertainment. Laughing at him, you push him away slightly as you leave his embrace, sitting down at the table, “Settle down cowboy, maybe later.”

Playful pouting before laughing at himself, Jason secedes, pulling out his chair though you stop him before he can sit down, “Oh, sorry bubs, I forgot the plates, can you grab them?” Nodding happily, Jason rounds the corner to the kitchen, “What did you get up to today, hun?” Humming in thought, you remember the cute bookstore you passed that day, “Oh! I went into the cutest bookshop today, there was this whole kids’ series about soccer, well, football, and it explains the rules and everything, in baby terms of course. Super adorable. I took a picture so I can find it later, definitely need to buy that when we have the baby.”

From the kitchen, which you don’t have a view of from the dining room table, Jason chuckles lightly in response, “That’s a fun idea, but does it explain offsides? But yes, definitely need to get that for…” He trails off, to which you smile, knowing he caught onto what you said. Jason rounds the corner with wide eyes, two plates in hand, “Y/N, did you say ‘when’?” Nodding with a bright smile, your legs bounce with excitement, “Mhm, I did say ‘when’.”

At the speed of lightning, Jason put the plates down and crosses the short distance to you, pulling you into his tight embrace. He holds you to his chest, tears running down both of your faces, then squeezes you with excitement. Pulling back, he kisses you passionately while holding your face in between his hands, your tears mixing together. Pulling back slightly, he rests his forehead on yours, both of you attempting to calm your racing hearts. Clearing his throat, Jason looks deeply into your eyes with a fondness you had never seen in them before.

“We’re gonna have a baby?” He speaks so softly, almost as if saying it out loud will snap him out of his dream. You smile softly, reaching up to wipe away his tears, “We’re gonna have a baby.”

Maybe you needed to rethink your logic. Looks like hopes, plans, and facts can all come together for good things, for the best things.

#jason sudeikis #jason sudeikis fanfiction #jason sudeikis fanfic #jason sudeikis fic #jason sudeikis x reader #jason sudeikis fluff #jsuds #ted lasso #JRU

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p3nope · 2 years

Text

Old Hollywood Bloopers|| Jamie Campbell Bower

Masterlist

Pairing: Jamie Campbell Bower x Reader

WC: 1,556

Warnings: Swearing, I think that’s it

Summary: Have you seen the old Hollywood bloopers? So I had the idea of Jamie Campbell bower and Reader are in a film together and they’re on the tonight show and Jimmy Fallon shows the bloopers

A/N: Did I use the plot of “makeup”? Kinda. Do I care? No because the only good thing about that movie was the premise and Joseph Quinn

****

You were sat next to Jamie on the Tonight show with Jimmy Fallon to promote your upcoming movie you both were in. Jamie sat closest to Jimmy and you were next to Jamie as you three chatted and talked. You were sipping on your mug of water when Jimmy started speaking, “So this film is truly a work of art. It’s called ‘Indecency’ It’s a period thriller/psychological horror set in the early 1900s where, Y/N, your character-Charlotte- is plagued by the idea of her husband, Miles-played by Jamie- cheating on her with his secretary and she does everything in her power to try and save the relationship and get to the bottom of things.” You and Jamie nodded along as Jimmy spoke, he held up a cardboard poster with a screen grab of ‘Charlotte’ and ‘Miles’ holding each other and you smiled with pride as the audience applauded. Jimmy continued, “What kind-if any- preparation did you do to get ready for these roles?” You motioned for Jamie to go first, “Well-to premise, Y/N and I would get our hair and makeup done at the same time together so that we could continue creating that ‘long married bond’ dynamic and so the two of us would listen to older love songs when getting ready like Dream a Little Dream, We’ll Meet Again, or, Fly me to the Moon..Personally, I did extensive research on the way people would speak back then and such and Y/N was actually requested to have a Marilyn Monroe esc accent-Yaknow that iconic way old actresses would speak in old films?” Jimmy nodded and turned his attention to you when you started to speak,

“That is true, I went to a dialect coach just so that I could really nail that Old Hollywood accent.” Jimmy laughed to show he was engaged in the conversation before he started to speak, “It’s funny you mention that actually, because, I was told that there are a number of bloopers with you still speaking with old slang and that accent am I correct?” Jamie burst out laugh and you smiled while chuckling, “Yes that’s true, honestly I think it added to the charm.”

“Well, luckily for us, we were sent over those very bloopers-“ He pointed to the large screen the cameras didn’t catch that showed videos, “let’s take a look.”

****

You and Jamie were in the middle of a tense scene as you cowered in character behind him, holding onto the back of his steamed suit, “He’s here..to poison me. For Every Instant I am in danger until the next one-“ Jamie was turning to look at you to time him catching your now collapsing figure per the script. You gripped onto his arms for dear life as you whispered, “Help me…” You were supposed to look up at him but when you tried to move your head, your earring had caught onto the button of Jamie’s suit jacket. He hadn’t noticed and was confused when he saw you smile, “Help me dear god help me-I’m caught on his button.” Then you pulled away slightly and Jamie then realized what the problem was and he started chuckling as you continued to tug you earring away from him.

****

“Sandra just told me…That I was only-Nuts! That goddamned line I cannot remember it.” You looked at Jamie who was smiling ear to ear trying his best not to burst out in laughter at your struggling. You yell out to the director, “Let me do it again! Right now! Keep rolling!!”

You reset the scene and had gotten past that line you were stuck on for a bit and you looked at Jamie with fake anger as he yelled in character, “But I didn’t die, and I haven’t stayed away and I want that child!”

“Well you’r not going to have it!” You caught the fact you said ‘it’ instead of ‘her’ but Jamie hadn’t so he went on, “Is that so-?” “Son of a bitch I messed it up.”

****

You were holding hands with Jamie as you stood across one another “My darling, you need to get your head on straight, you’ve completely lost it..anymore of this nonsense and you’ll be sent off to the looney bin.” “Oh no, Miles…I have not lost-“ You stumbled over your words, “Oh my go- son of a bitch.”

****

“Charlotte, you must realize that he is not taking extra shifts, he’s probably off on cloud nine with that young secretary of his by now.” You were speaking to who played charlottes best friend in the film, the one who started the mental spiral. You two heard the *fake* buzzer of the door go off and you smiled taking out a match from the small matchbox in your hand as you started to unsuccessfully light the match, “Nonsense..That must be Miles now..I..I told him to meet me here.” You then gave up on lighting the match and huffed in frustration, “The goddamn match won’t strike.”

“CUT”

****

One of the bloopers, however, was all Jamie’s fault. His character was talking to you explaining how one of Miles’s good friends had been killed but he had forgotten the way the character had perished, “He flew one over there and never came up, never came back, never showed up-“ He snapped his fingers in defeat then smiled looking at the camera, “The son-of-a-bitch drowned!”

****

Charlotte was yelling at the secretary your husband was accused of cheating with, “And if this case isn’t settled by then, I’m going to give the estate away to the Salvation Army- and I knew goddamned well I was going to say it!” The extras standing around the fake office and the actress playing the secretary all burst into laughter as you smiled in defeat.

****

During one of yours and Jamie’s faux heated arguments you were chasing after Jamie while yelling but you were so in it that you forgot a whole line, “You know good and well I don’t care anything about your-! AHHHHH I FORGOT THE FIRST PART!!” You yelled as you quickly whipped around and ran back to your starting place.

As the scene continued (correctly) you both weren’t one hundred percent sure the blocking of the cameras, which is what lead to Jamie’s second screw up, “Oh, well I can’t be around you when you at like this!!” He yelled in anger at you before starting to storm off, but when the camera moved to follow suit he accidentally looked right into the lenses and he stopped in his tracks, frazzled, “Oh! You’re following me! I didn’t know that!” He exclaimed as he started laughing as he turned to walk back to his original place to find you keeled over laughing and holding your stomach.

****

In one of the more passionate scenes you were in Jamie’s arms, slightly dipped as you two had just departed from a long and loving kiss and you started to speak. Your overwhelming feelings for Jamie messed you up, “What was it? What was the bury-the-…son-of-a bitch.” Jamie smiled down at you and your heart did flips. As you stumbled to make the mess up an external responsibility, “That-that line was screwy!”

****

Charlotte had to talk to a doctor a bit of ways into the film, “Do you think this mania comes from the fact that you feel threatened by this Sally-Anne?” You rolled your eyes as smoke left your slips from the cigarette that you were smoking, “Isn’t it obvious? There isn’t enough uh…god- I don’t know what the hell I’m talking about I’m sure. Why did you-Why did you-? I don’t know why you hired me..Oh nuts.”

****

A scene of the first meeting of Charlotte and the infamous secretary, Sally-Anne. You waltzed through the door to the office and stuck out your right hand and spoke, “How do you do? I’m very glad to meet you-“

“Wrong hand!” The director yelled out and you started to walk backwards while stating “I knew as soon as I did it!”

****

A flashback of Charlotte and Mile’s wedding night; You were standing across from Jamie as he was handing you a glass of fake wine, “Don’t spill your drink” It was written to be a funny smart-ass remark and you had a line to speak but something came over you to just stand in front of him shooting daggers from you eyes and he whispered, “are you alright..?” You continued staring until you brought the glass to your lips and muttered, “Schmuck.” And as soon as you finished the word the two of you burst into contagious laughter.

Later in the same scene You were in the most luxurious wedding gown and flowy veil as you sat on a bench and you were supposed to turn to look at him after he had spoken his line but all you could do was speak while facing away from him, “I can’t-I can’t move my head because my whole goddamned wig will fall off!”

****

Applause and laughter erupted throughout the live audience as you and Jamie laughed while leaning on one another and you spoke between giggles, “Wow, I never realized how funny I could be without a script!” and Jamie turned to you while shaking his head, “Oh hush, love, a script can’t write your quick wit.”

#jamie campbell bower #jamie bower x reader #jamie campbell bower x reader #jamie bower #stranger things #oneshot #fluff #Jamie bower Campbell #Jamie Campbell

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il0veyoujk · 2 years

Text

Cherry face

This is a tickle-related ff, if you are not interested in it, please keep scrolling

Summary: Nefeli (17) witnesses the boys having a tickle fight and she gets flustered

Warnings: None

Notes: This ff is requested by @sugary-sweet-anon, I hope you'll like this, love! I am so sorry this took forever to write!

Situation: Group tickle fight

Sentence starters: “Let's count how many ribs you have, hm?”

Lots of love Nef 💕

“BWAHAHAHAHA NAHAHAHAO AHAHAHAHA PLEAHAHASE!” Taehyung’s loud, almost deafening, laughter was filling the whole practice room. The youngest member of the band was on top of him, pinning his arms above his head and wrecking his ribs with unstoppable scribbles and pokes while Taehyung was laughing his heart out. Everyone knew how much of an evil little bunny Jungkook could be when it comes to tickling and everyone was afraid of his side. And yet, he chose to drink the last banana milk in the fridge.

“Aww Tae, you are way too ticklish to steal from me!” Jungkook exclaimed while he was shaking his index and middle fingers on his best friend’s upper ribs, only to make him cackle even crazier than he already was “Let's count how many ribs you have, hm?”

Today was a busy day. BTS was preparing an appearance on Jimmy Fallon’s show for next week, and they were all crazy about it. However, the crazier they were getting, the hyper they were becoming. And the higher they were becoming, the more playful they would be. So now there the two boys were, both of them laughing and having a tickle fight.

“No no no noOHOAHAHAHA AHAHAHA PLEAHAHAHASE!” the young lad screamed loudly the moment Jungkook even touched his lowest ribs. And even louder when he started pinching softly all over it.

Jungkook’s smirk was reaching his ears at this point. Getting revenge was one of his favorite things in the world, especially like that. His soft yet teasing fingers were pinching, kneading, and poking all over his friend’s ribs, counting them one by one “Oneeee...” he exclaimed, pinching multiple times Taehyung’s first ribs “Twoooo...” his fingers turned into mini claws, crawling all over his second ribs and wiggling like small worms “Threeee” the fingers were now poking and tasering all over the third ribs of Taehyung’s, making sure they were making the young lad howl in loud, almost hysterical laughter.

“AHAHAHAHA JUNGAHAHAHAK YOU SUAHAHAHACK SO BAHAHAHAD AHAHAHA!” Taehyung dared to squeal in between his laughter, not really taking into mind the position he was currently into.

A loud gas escaped Jungkook, who immediately stopped tickling his best friend, letting him finally breathe “What did you just say?!” he faked a shocked, offended expression, putting his hands over his chest dramatically “Oh you are so in for it right now, Kim Taehyung! Say your last words!” he exclaimed, getting ready to attack the poor singer again.

However, before he could even bring his arms down on his well-pinned underneath him friend, he was already on the floor, giggling and squirming around unstoppably “You didn’t really think we wouldn’t remember you are ticklish as well, did you?” someone could recognize Jimin’s adorable voice coming from above Jungkook.

Jimin was scribbling his neck with his sharp, blunt nails, touching every sensitive nerve on his neck while he had trapped his younger friend in between his legs from behind. Jungkook on the other hand was giggling like a madman, trying to wiggle out of the young lad’s legs and fingers, but it was useless. He may be taller than Jimin, but his neck is always a melting spot of his!

However, what made his laughter grow was Taehyung’s fingers digging into his hips. Kneading and squeezing there, Taehyung had decided to show no mercy to his bandmate “Coochie coochie coo!” he giggled while he was digging into Jungkook’s hipbones, listening to his laughter filling the whole room.

“NAHAHAHAO PLEAHAHAHASE STAHAHAP AHAHAHA!” the young lad screamed in laughter, thrashing around in Jimin’s and Taehyung’s arms. He was trying his best to pull his arms back down and roll away, while his hips were bucking in the air unstoppably in his attempt to throw all the tickly fingers off him.

Looking at each other, the two bandmates only shook their heads and kept their attack on, not ceasing it in the least. Ever since they debuted, the three youngest were teasing each other unstoppably, and that usually resulted in major tickle fights. And there was only one way to make it stop. Apologize. Or run out of breath, which is the most common, but still, they had options. So Jungkook asking them to stop was doing nothing more than making his friends chuckle amused.

“You know what the magic words are, Kookie!” Taehyung bent down and blew a small but way too ticklish raspberry on Jungkook’s bare tummy, which was exposed due to his shirt raising up. Teasing him with a few side pokes here and there, the young lad kept teasing his friend while he was blowing numerous berries all over his tummy.

Jungkook screamed at the top of his lungs when Taehyung blew a super extra-long raspberry on top of his belly button, shaking his head to add to the ticklish torture “BWAHAHAHAHA NOHOHOHO!”

Jimin chuckled as he was wiggling a single finger on the crook of Jungkook’s neck, only making him scrunch up his shoulders and let out babyish giggles in between his roaring laughter and the loud raspberry noises “You are so ticklish, aren’t you?” he smiled as he kept going with his assault.

“So are you...” the three boys were too busy to notice that another person had joined them in the room.

Turning around and stopping their assault, the three boys saw Nefeli standing there with her arms behind her back and looking at them with the reddest face they had ever seen. The trainee they had come the closest with was staring at them from the corner of the room with a small, shy smile.

“What did you just say?” Jimin narrowed his eyes, and slowly let go of Jungkook, with a playful glimpse in his eyes.

Followed by the other two lads, they all walked up mischievously to the young girl, cornering her while they were wearing an innocent smiles. Jungkook was trying to ignore the pants that were stuck in his throat and catch his breath from the short yet severe tickle attack, and his famous bunny smile was of course placed on his face.

Nefeli’s face was heated up and her lips had curved into a small, yet flustered grin. The poor girl. The boys had no idea what they have done to her. Seeing a tickle fight was sending waves of shyness and at the same time, waves of wanting to be tickled at the same time. What the boys didn’t know was that the young girl did like getting tickled and seeing them like that was only making her want tickles more.

However, she’s been in the company for about three months or so. She wasn’t ready to ask for it. Not even admit it to them. At least not just yet. Their friendship was still new. So she wasn’t going to do it now.

“That-That you are just as ticklish as they are!” but she wasn’t going to give up either. Her cheeks had turned red and in her stomach butterflies were interrupting nonstop.

Looking at each other, the boys smirked wider. Taehyung even folded his arms over his chest and leaned against the wall, already planning his attack in his mind. They already had decided they were going to get her back for what she just said, the second she interrupted them.

“Yeah but it’s not like you are not” Jungkook butted in, inching closer and closer to the shy girl, increasing the blush on her face.

Taking steps away from him, Nefeli was trying to cover up her torso with her arms while she was getting more bashful the more Jungkook was covering the distance between them. She only shook her head though, the shy grin almost reaching up to her ears “No I am not...” she mumbled just the moment her back touched the mirror behind her.

“Well then, you don’t mind that, right cherry face?” Taehyung raised his index finger and poked her side unexpectedly, right below her lowest rib. Not too hard to hurt her, but hard enough to tickle Nefeli like crazy and make her let out a loud squeal.

The young girl flinched away, biting her lip to stop the sudden giggle that was ready to escape her “Ohoho-Of course not!” Nefeli successfully swallowed her giggle and wrapped her arms around her torso, trying to protect her sides from the tickly hands.

Backing away, the young girl didn’t notice that the more she was fending off, the more she was closing the distance between herself and Jungkook.

Jungkook fastly wrapped his arms around her waist and scooped her in the air. Wiggling her around, he made the young girl giggle in enjoyment “Ah look what I got guys! A shy little bunny!” Jungkook teased, bouncing her a little to make her giggle more.

“Why is the bunny so red? What’s wrong, little bunny?” Taehyung chuckled, tasering Nefeli’s sides, making her squeal loudly.

“I think she is too red to answer us! We should do something about it!” Jimin giggled too, approaching the two and grabbing her legs, and helping Jungkook lay her on the ground.

“Pleahahase let me gohoho!” she squealed, not really doing something to stop them. To be honest she didn’t mind it one bit.

Pinning her arms above her head, Jungkook sat on them as Jimin and Taehyung were taking their places next to each of her sides “I guess we should make her tell us!” Taehyung smirked, skittering his fingers underneath Nefeli’s shirt on her tummy.

His two other friends followed, attacking her other side and her armpits. Nefeli shrieked in loud laughter, bouncing on the dancing floor unstoppably in her attempt to pull her arms down as fast as he could “AHAHAHA NAHAHAHAO I HAHAHAVE NOTHING TO TELL YOHOHOU!” she screamed, but the boys had none of it.

“I think the bunny has a fever!” Jimin suddenly exclaimed like he wasn’t currently tormenting someone, kneading the soft side of the girl with his fingertips.

“Nah, I think she is just too hot” Taehyung kept squeezing and pinching around Nefeli’s belly button and tummy. He was hiding a small, evil smirk like he was enjoying it. Which he was. Like the rest of the trio ticklers.

“Oh come on guys, it’s clear! She is shy!” Jungkook used his baby voice to emphasize the last part, knowing full well what he was doing. He was using his nails to scribble the exposed underarms and armpits of hers, making it tickle way more than it usually would.

The two other boys let out a long, teasing ‘Ohhhh’, stopping for a split second their assault as they did so and then proceeded to tickle her way harder than before.

“But why? Why are you so shy, cherry face?” Jimin giggled, raising Nefeli’s shirt and blowing a small raspberry on her side, making her scream louder and thrash around even more underneath the three singers.

Ignoring completely her pleads for mercy and almost hysterical laughter, the three boys were smirking widely. Their fingers were tickling the young girl more than they usually would, due to all the teasing. And they would all enjoy it equally.

“AHAHAHA THAT TICKLES AHAHAHA!” Nefeli screamed between her loud laughter, wiggling around and trying to pull her arms down.

“Aha!” Taehyung suddenly exclaimed, smirking and started poking teasingly, activating his baby talk “Does someone like the tickles? That’s why you are laughing so hard? You just looooove, being tickled, little bunny?” he trailed his words to increase the anticipation.

“Aw I think you are right Tae! Look how happy she looks now we are tickling her!” Jungkook giggled, speeding up his fingers in excitement.

“Aw tickle tickle tickle Neffie! Look how happy you look when you get the tickles! I guess we should keep tickling you until infinity!” Jimin kept repeating the tickle word, clearly noticing the major effect it had on Nefeli’s already deep enough blush.

Before the young girl could disagree though, unstoppable raspberries were already attacking her sides and tummy “AHAHAHAHA NAHAHAHAO PLEAHAHAHASE AHAHAHA ZARA HEHEHELP ME!” she screamed loudly.

Zara was Namjoon’s makeup artist and she and Nefeli were good friends. However, the young artist was nowhere to be found and even if she was, she wasn’t going to help her friend anyway. She knew she was enjoying it.

“Ahahaw, why ask for help if you like the tickles so much, little bunny?” Jimin chuckled, before blowing another raspberry on her side, sending her into a new round of hysterics.

As Taehyung and Jimin were alternatively taking turns blowing berries on her sides, Jungkook was busy poking around all over her ribcage while showing his adorable bunny teeth “Coochie coochie coo...” Taehyung giggled, shaking his head on her side to add to the ticklish sensations.

At this point, Nefeli’s tummy was aching from all the laughter and her cheeks were stretched. Her laughter had almost turned silent. That was the signal for the boys to stop and let the poor girl go.

Pulling away and smirking down at her, Jungkook ruffled Nefeli’s already messy hair “That was fun, you have to admit that!”

Nefeli though only glared at him and stuck her tongue out before smirking widely “Yeah but you know someone here didn’t get his tickles yet”

Everyone’s eyes turned to Jimin who gulped and started walking backward, grinning nervously “Hehehe um... Bye!” he chuckled and rushed out of the room as fast as he could.

“Get him!” Taehyung yelled and all three got up and ran behind him. Soon the whole BigHit could hear the hysterical laughter of Jimin's.

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