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melanielocke · 3 years

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Lost in the Shadows - Epilogue

AO3

Taglist: @alastaircarstairsdefenselawyer @foxglove-airmid @alastair-esfandiyar-carstairs1 @justanormaldemon @styxdrawings @ipromiseiwillwrite @a-dream-dirty-and-bruised

Previous Chapter: Chapter 35

This is the epilogue and final chapter. While there are some loose ends and I might write a sequel one day, I have currently have no plans for one so it would take some time. As it is I'm working on a Frozen TLH story (chapter 1-3 are currently published), and one post CoI story titled "We bury the sunlight" so look out for those.

Alastair decided to move in with Jem at the end of the summer. He had managed to finish decorating his bedroom just in time for the first week of university, which he was excited about starting. He wasn’t sure why, but he’d expected Jem to be overbearing and constantly worrying about his mental health. He’d always thought that was what a psychiatrist did, he guessed, just like his father had always feared Jem would know about his alcoholism from just looking at him.

He’d learnt that wasn’t the case. Jem was a doctor, he couldn’t read minds, and although he was there for Alastair when he needed him, he was family and not his doctor, which was an important distinction. Jem gave him lots of space, and the ground rules were mainly about keeping everything clean, which was no problem. Jem also preferred it to know if someone he didn’t know was visiting, but that rarely happened since Alastair only had a few friends and the only one who hadn’t known Jem before was Kamala.

It was nice, having so much space to himself. Jem had changed a lot about the house, it didn’t look like an exact copy of the house he’d lived in when he was very young. Cordelia and his mother still lived with Risa, with him gone it fit a bit better, but they were in the process of getting the house back.

He saw Thomas regularly, and they had sleep overs once a week. Alastair had bought a new double bed for his room mainly so they could share the bed. Thomas was currently adapting to student life, but had vowed to Alastair that he would not drink any alcohol. Alastair worried that would severely limit Thomas’ social life, but secretly he was very happy Thomas would do that for him. Lucie had also decided they would all start playing DnD with her, and although Alastair still didn’t understand much of the game, they had fun. Thomas, who had been in Lucie’s previous campaign as well, had helped him with his character. Right now, the group consisted of Lucie as the story teller, or dungeon master as the game called it, and Thomas, Cordelia, Kamala, Eugenia and him as the players. Alastair played a warlock, which he felt suited him. Warlocks also got nightmares they never asked for all the time and were constantly exhausted, not to mention they made deals with otherworldly beings. Perhaps it fit a little too well.

He’d also decided to take lessons in ballroom dancing, with Kamala as his dance partner at the student dance association. He almost had something that resembled a social life, which was both very new and very weird. As it was, they both were quite good at dancing. Kamala had taken two years of dance classes too, although it had been years, and together they could figure out what they remembered and how to do it. Both had been forced by their father at the time and it was much more enjoyable now that they’d chosen to pick it up again, not to mention it was nice having a dance partner he matched well with.

Thomas was still considering starting dancing, but finding a partner who was tall enough for him would be a struggle. Alastair could follow decently and dance with Thomas, although he still noticed the height difference, but with the lack of men in dancing most teachers would rather pair Thomas with the tallest girl available.

He felt like for the first time in years, he was sort of happy? Happier than he used to be at least. He still had nightmares, flashbacks, all that, and didn’t think it was going away anytime soon. If anything, EMDR made it harder, but that was to be expected. He’d known that during EMDR he’d have to talk about everything, and although in time that would make it better, at first it just brought everything to the surface. He’d learnt not to plan anything else on days he had EMDR, except maybe cuddling with Thomas.

Although relationships were still new to him, any relationships really, he was getting more accustomed to having people around who cared about him. Not just Thomas, but Lucie and Cordelia, who had just started their last year of school and came to him for help with their math homework, Kamala and Eugenia, who he’d been spending time with at the dance studio. He often visited the Lightwoods too, and he felt welcome there. Gideon and Sophie had made a habit out of inviting him along with any family outings. He’d never felt so welcome before, it had taken some time to work through that.

‘You’re going to love my gift, I promise.’

Tomorrow was Alastair’s nineteenth birthday, and Thomas was sleeping over the night before.

‘What is it?’ Alastair asked.

‘A surprise.’

‘It was worth a try,’ Alastair said. ‘How was your visit at Matthew today?’

Alastair had spoken to Matthew once. He didn’t think the two of them would ever be good friends, but they could move past school and tolerate each other’s presence. Thomas had spent the day with him today, shopping. Matthew apparently loved clothes even more than Alastair did, and had an unusual and extravagant taste.

‘Awkward,’ Thomas said.

Alastair frowned. ‘Why was it awkward?’

‘Well, he’s the only other man I know who is interested in men and has previous, uh, experience. So I figured I’d ask what to expect and what to do. It was a very uncomfortable conversation.’

Alastair started laughing. ‘You could have just asked me.’

‘I know, but I thought it would be nicer for you if I had some idea of what I’m supposed to be doing,’ Thomas said.

Alastair put his hand in Thomas’ hair. ‘That’s sweet.’

‘From now on I’ll be asking you my questions,’ Thomas said. ‘Of course, the internet has also been helpful.’

‘As long as you know where to get your information,’ Alastair said. ‘Porn isn’t real and not a good source. But I don’t mind if there’s things you don’t know yet, because I know enough.’

They had sex for the first time that night. Alastair felt it was the right time. Of course, having sex the night before his birthday wasn’t new to him. The previous years he’d spend with Charles ever since he’d turned sixteen. It was far better with Thomas. Not because of experience or anything like that, but because Alastair felt comfortable, because he was absolutely sure he wanted it and felt like he could ask Thomas to stop if he wasn’t comfortable anymore. Thomas was a little clumsy, but Alastair didn’t mind. He would get better at it with some practice.

The next morning, they went to the Victoria and Albert museum. It was early on a week day and neither of them had classes today. Thomas had been surprised at first by how empty his schedule was but had ultimately discovered much of his free time was spent on assignments and preparing for lectures and classes. Fortunately, it did mean they could easily plan such trips on times it wouldn’t be crowded. Alastair still didn’t like crowds and didn’t think he ever would. Thomas had grown over his fear of them, but he also preferred the quiet. It was much nicer this way, taking his time to let a piece of art wash over him, undisturbed by other visitors. Thomas made the occasional comment. He’d taken art history in school and could name the different styles and put works in the context of the time period. Alastair didn’t say much in response, just nodded. He felt he didn’t have to.

Thomas had promised him his gift after coming back from the museum, and Alastair was starting to get curious. Thomas had hidden the gift somewhere in Jem’s house, so Alastair wouldn’t even be able to guess from the shape. He hadn’t bothered to look for it, but had been tempted. As much as he liked the small smile on Thomas’ lips as he said ‘not yet, mi Cielo,’ Alastair was not fond of surprises. He liked to know what to expect with a three to five workdays advance notice for anything out of the usual.

‘You’d think no one has ever given you a birthday gift before,’ Thomas said. He paused. ‘Wait, is that it? Did you not usually receive gifts?’

‘No, I did, from my mother and sometimes Cordelia.’

Charles too, Charles had had a habit of giving him expensive gifts. Or gifts he’d found among his mother’s things, he guessed. Alastair had not seen him again now that he was back in London, for which he was grateful. Gideon had spoken with Charles and told him he knew what he’d done and wasn’t welcome at his house anymore. Apparently Charles had been very angry about that, but Gideon had told Alastair he was welcome anytime and it was his responsibility to guarantee his safety. Alastair appreciated that.

‘Have you been asking them about it all this time too?’ Thomas asked.

‘No just you. But you made a big deal out of it by hiding it someplace here,’ Alastair said.

‘Alright, I guess you can open it,’ Thomas said, who left and came back to the living room carrying a very big box.

Alastair carefully opened the wrapping paper, making sure nothing tore. He wasn’t sure why exactly, but he’d always opened gifts this way, as if he intended to reuse the paper, something he’d never done.

‘I thought, with how impatient you were, you’d rip it all apart,’ Thomas said.

‘No,’ Alastair said.

‘You can rip it, it’s no problem,’ Thomas said as Alastair was struggling to get a piece of sticky tape off without damaging anything.

‘No,’ Alastair said, even more determined to get everything off properly.

Once he’d gotten it open and folded away the colorful wrapping paper, Alastair revealed something that resembled a hamster cage, but bigger. There were two floors, the top open and the bottom offering a little more darkness with a little home in there an animal could hide in. There was a wheel, several balls, and a little hedgehog plushie.

‘I know you were planning to get a pet hedgehog, so I researched what it needs. This has most things it needs to live in, you just might need to add a heat lamp because hedgehogs need a warm environment.’

‘I’d been looking into what I’d need too,’ Alastair said. ‘Jem is alright with me getting a hedgehog as long as I make sure to keep Church away from him. That shouldn’t be a problem, as I would put the hedgehog in my bedroom and Church doesn’t go there.’

‘How is Church?’ Thomas asked.

‘Usually, he is wherever I’m not. He doesn’t come into my bedroom. In the living room it can be a bit more of a struggle, as he likes to claim his space, and no matter where I sit, he gets upset because that’s the spot he wanted for himself. The only moment he tolerates me is when I’m accompanying Jem on the piano.’

Alastair had picked up playing music again after years and he tried to practice for half an hour daily. Sometimes with Thomas, singing his songs and playing more modern music. But he also played classical music with Jem, who was exceptional at the violin. Jem could probably have been a concert violinist if he hadn’t chosen to become a doctor instead.

‘Sounds like Church,’ Thomas said. ‘He won’t be a danger to your hedgehog, will he?’

‘I will keep my hedgehog in my bedroom,’ Alastair said. ‘If I make sure to keep the door closed when I’m not there, I think it’s unlikely Church will even go there. Even then there’s a cover for this hedgehog home and a little house for him to hide, and of course a hedgehog can roll into a little ball of quills. I think it’ll be fine. And my therapist thought it might be good for me to get a pet, as long as I am confident I can care for it of course. Now, can you help me think of a name? I’m not great with names.’

‘You and Cordelia have been arguing about baby names for weeks now,’ Thomas pointed out.

‘Yes, the baby should have a beautiful Persian name,’ Alastair said. ‘For pets it’s different.’

‘Or dnd characters,’ Thomas added.

‘So what if my character has my middle name?’

‘No, I like it,’ Thomas said. ‘Esfandiyar. It’s a beautiful name. For a pet I think a shorter name is better. I think your plushie hedgehog is called Mr. Prickly?’

‘I named him when I was a child,’ Alastair said. ‘I’m not naming my pet something stupid.’

‘No little pipsqueak?’ Thomas said with a grin.

Alastair rolled his eyes. ‘Absolutely not.’

***

‘You mean to say you forgot to buy Alastair a gift for his birthday?’ Lucie asked.

‘I didn’t forget,’ Cordelia said. ‘I planned to do it today, after school. How was I supposed to know I was going to get detention?’

They entered the bookstore, certain she could find something Alastair would like here.

‘Sorry I couldn’t get you out,’ Lucie said. ‘Even my dad can’t do that, but he knows it was completely unfair.’

Cordelia shrugged. ‘I finished my homework. But I’m still pissed.’

She knew teachers tended to be harsher on her, Alastair had always had the same problem, and she usually made a point to behave but she also wasn’t going to let people just walk over her girlfriend. So what if she’d gotten into a fight with a bully? He’d started it, but that’s not how the teacher who’d broken them apart saw it.

‘Alastair will understand,’ Cordelia added. ‘He was often sent to detention unfairly too. Now, which of these books do you think he’ll like?’

‘Both seem pretty good,’ Lucie said. ‘What are they about?’

‘This one’s called Malice, and is a Sleeping Beauty retelling focused on Alyce, the dark grace with powers similar to the original evil witch who cursed the princesses, and she might be the villain but she might also fall in love with Aurora. I haven’t read it, but it sounds awesome. The other is Girl, Serpent, Thorn.’

‘Oh, didn’t I lend you that one last year?’

‘Yes,’ Cordelia said. ‘It was awesome and the cover is so beautiful I wanted my own copy. I think Alastair will like it too, the world is inspired by Persian culture and the Shahnameh, which he loves, and the story is very good too.’

Girl, Serpent, Thorn was probably one of her favorite books, and Cordelia ultimately decided to buy it for herself while buying Malice for Alastair. He could always borrow the other book from her, she just wanted to reread it several times and have the gorgeous cover on display.

‘I doubt Alastair minds we’re late,’ Cordelia said. ‘He’s been spending the day with Thomas.’

Cordelia sometimes envied the amount of free time Alastair had compared to her. She hoped it would be the same once she went to university. Of course, Alastair had his memory, he only had to read everything once and he would remember forever. He could save so much time that way.

It still struck her as odd how they didn’t understand Alastair’s memory. Lucie was the way she was because her grandfather was the thief of souls. Same for Tessa, who’d gotten some of her power back after his death. Thomas had the sight because his mother did, and Kamala had healing powers because a fairy had given them to her. But no one knew why Alastair was the way he was. Cordelia knew it still frustrated him, not understanding.

‘I can’t wait until I can go to university,’ Lucie said. ‘I am so done with physics.’

‘Why did you take physics?’ Cordelia asked.

‘No clue,’ Lucie said. ‘I’ll survive another year. Then it’s English literature and creative writing.’

Cordelia wished she knew what she was going to study. Half her biology class was already working on their med school applications, but Cordelia had no clue yet. At least she couldn’t really picture herself as a doctor. Part of her still wanted to be a hero, but what if like Jem she decided to retire early? Being a hero didn’t exactly pay, and it was good to have some education. She just didn’t know what. She knew, of course, it was fine to choose wrong at first. Alastair had realized being a politician wasn’t for him, and was again starting in his first year.

‘At least Alastair promised to help me with my math homework,’ Cordelia said.

Cordelia and Lucie took the metro and arrived at Jem’s house. She’d been here frequently since the summer, and it already felt like Alastair’s house. She’d considered moving in herself too, but felt like she was still too young to move away from her mother and would rather stay for now.

Alastair and Thomas were in the living room, where an animal home was standing on the table next to a bit of neatly folded wrapping paper, not a tear in sight. Alastair had always been a little obsessive in the way he opened gifts. The wrapping paper would be thrown away, yet he always opened it with such a care and he never ripped anything.

‘Happy birthday,’ she said, hugging her brother.

He’d grown more comfortable with physical affection lately, and for Cordelia it felt like it had become easier to reach him. She’d had to get used to not living in the same house as him at first, but Alastair seemed happier here.

‘Thank you,’ Alastair said. ‘I’m officially on the waiting list for a pet hedgehog. It might take some time, but I have some of the supplies I need now. I am open to name suggestions as I have not thought of anything yet.’

‘Pipsqueak!’ Lucie called out.

‘Oddly, you’re not the first person to suggest that,’ Alastair said. ‘No, I am not naming my pet Pipsqueak.’

‘That’s because I already call Alastair that,’ Thomas said.

Alastair rolled his eyes. ‘My hedgehog will have a serious name, not something a toddler would have chosen.’

They didn’t settle on a name yet that evening. Lucie kept suggesting the kind of names Alastair meant to avoid as a joke, and Eugenia did the same when she and Kamala arrived. Kamala had a few good suggestions, and Alastair decided to look into Persian pet names.

Cordelia started feeling like things would be alright again, like things would be normal. Of course, she could never be sure. Tatiana had not turned up again, Gideon had reported her missing and so far the police had no leads. Cordelia didn’t think they’d find her, and she wondered if Tatiana would come back. There was no chance she could bring back her son, not anymore, but Cordelia feared she might want revenge. Right now, she tried not to worry. She would be prepared, yes, but she would also continue to live her life, go to school, worry about things normal girls her age should be worried about. Alastair seemed to be doing a little better as well, although she knew his EMDR days were hard. He was playing music again, and Cordelia loved to listen to him play the piano while she was here.

‘Do you want to play something?’ Cordelia asked at some point, gesturing to the piano.

‘Of course,’ Alastair said. ‘Thomas, I need your help.’

‘I didn’t bring my guitar,’ Thomas said nervously.

‘I don’t need you to play, I need you to turn the page of the sheet music. One of these days I’m going to make a copy and tape this piece together, but it’s 5 pages long.’

Cordelia would always be impressed at how fast Alastair could move his fingers over the keys. He’d tried to teach her when she was younger and she could play some simple melodies with her right hand only, but she’d never gotten the hang of playing with two hands.

‘I recognize this,’ Lucie said when Alastair was finished. ‘I think it’s in Pride and Prejudice. The one with Colin Firth.’

‘That’s possible, it’s well known. The Turkish March by Mozart,’ Alastair said. ‘I’ve been practicing this for the past week.’

‘It’s lovely,’ Cordelia said. ‘I missed hearing you play.’

‘And now you only get to listen when you’re here,’ Alastair said apologetically.

‘I’m here several days a week anyway,’ Cordelia said. ‘I’m glad you’re playing again.’

‘I forgot how much I loved it,’ Alastair said. ‘But I’m happy too. Even Church likes it when I play.’

Cordelia noticed the cat was sitting up from his spot on the couch, listening intently as Alastair started playing something else. Church might hate everyone and everything, but he loved Jem and he loved music.

Thomas continued to do his job as page turner and Cordelia could see the adoration in his eyes as he watched Alastair play. She was glad they’d been able to work it out and were still together, Alastair deserved that.

When Alastair was finished, Lucie decided to present her gift, which was a story she’d written herself in an insanely short time. Cordelia had read it and helped her edit, but the premise was that it was Frozen but with Alastair and Cordelia as the main characters.

‘I’m going to read it as soon as I have the time,’ Alastair promised. ‘This sounds brilliant.’

#Alastair Carstairs #Thomas Lightwood #Cordelia Carstairs #Lucie Herondale #Thomastair #Lucelia #the last hours #tlh #fanfiction #epilogue

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nearmidnightannex · 3 years

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Lil Nas X and safety vs speaking

How Lil Nas X Is Revolutionizing Hip-Hop as an Empowered Gay Star By Jem Aswad, Ramin Setoodeh (variety.com)

[...] What a difference a few traumatic months can make: The Nas who has reemerged is, he says, “a totally different person” — an outspoken and empowered gay man unafraid to express truth in his art.

Far from “Old Town Road,” the rap-country earworm that famously was recorded for $50 in a small Atlanta studio and has become the longest-running No. 1 hit in Billboard Hot 100 history, Nas’ recent lyrics, videos, TV appearances and especially public statements are exponentially more honest, autobiographical and queer. And while he avoids grandiose statements about being a pioneer or a trailblazer for the LGBTQ community — “Let’s fuckin’ go, gay agenda!” he wrote last month, tongue firmly in cheek, when retweeting that he had the top two videos on the YouTube U.S. songs chart — he doesn’t need to. His actions do the talking.

This year alone, Nas (real name Montero Lamar Hill) has released one video that features him giving Satan a lap dance — for “Montero (Call Me by Your Name)” — and another, prison-themed one that has him and several male dancers gyrating nude, albeit with their privates pixelated, in a shower (“Industry Baby”); delivered a sexually loaded performance on “Saturday Night Live” during which he split his pants and finished the song holding his crotch (that was an accident); and most controversial of all, kissed one of his male dancers full on the mouth on the BET Awards (that was no accident)...

[...] “Honestly, I believe the pandemic helped me get out of the idea of trying to please everybody, and the idea of ‘He’s a cool gay person; he’s an acceptable gay person,’” Nas says. “I used to see things like that as a compliment, but it’s not. It just means you’re a people pleaser, and they never become legends. I wanted to be even more authentic in my music and let people into my life. I’m much more confident now — in my music, myself, my sexuality, the things that I believe that I stand for.”

[...] Intentionally or not, his presence as a proud, successful gay man has led others to reveal their prejudices. At the time of this story’s publication, no fewer than five major rappers — none of whom Nas had mentioned in songs or statements — have publicly and flagrantly displayed their homophobia in response to his stance, most prominently DaBaby...

[...] Nas declines to address the issue or those rappers’ negative comments directly. “The honest truth is, I don’t want to speak on a lot of the homophobia within rap because I feel like this is a very dangerous playing field,” he says. “It’s more for my own safety rather than anything else.” Does that mean he’s felt unsafe? “Yeah, a lot of times, absolutely,” he says. “Especially after [‘Montero’]. There was literally someone who chased my car a few days after that video came out, yelling, ‘Fuck you!’ or something. And that’s when I actually started getting security.” Although he’s not sure the video is what caused this stranger to pursue him, “I feel like it couldn’t be a coincidence.”[...]

Would that any part of that could be a surprise.

#lil nas x #homophobia

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cordeliacortanaduo · 3 years

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Finished The Infernal Devices. (spoilers ahead!!!)

I have officially finished the infernal devices and I can confidently say that I 100% loved all of it. This story of the boy and girl who got to grow old together and the boy and the girl who kissed by the river a century and a half later was so beautiful and I am not ashamed to say that I was crying constantly throughout this book.

I said to someone on here that the ending of the last book was bittersweet and I would describe the ending of this one the same way were it not for the fact that Tessa got a happy ending, though not without pain. I have decided it completely impossible to decide who I like Tessa Grey with better because she is not the same with either Will or Jem, as both of the loves that she has for them are unique depending on which one she is with. She somehow managed to sum it up perfectly by saying how even though she loved Will, it did not make her love for Jem any less or make the love that she had for him weaker and vise versa. So to anyone who ships Tessa with only one of her great loves, I don’t judge you but only want to know how you can possibly choose, I mean you’ve been shown two handsome, bilingual, shadowhunter pretty boys and you can somehow choose???

Anyway, on my last post about clockwork prince I simply stated how supreme Sophie and Gideon are, which is still true, but nobody even get me started on Gabriel and Cecily. I mean I think I should first start by talking about how I love them both just because of younger sibling supremacy (said by the youngest child of 5). Both of them are also amazing if only for the fact that they are both super cool, Cecily is this super determined, wild and free spirited girl who came all the way to London to save her brother, but what makes her even more incredible is her willingness to learn and accept. She did not stick to her belief that all shadowhunters are monsters, she observed what was clearly the opposite and did not let her pride stop her from being able to accept who her brother had become and what she wanted to be. And the same goes for Gabriel, even if he takes longer to come out of his shell, it is clear that he is also observant and though loyal to his beliefs, he is not incapable of growing and learning from past mistakes and it is clear that Cecily brings out the best in him.

Sophie and Gideon were, as expected amazing, and don’t even get me started on that “veritable mountain of scones” that Sophie found under Gideon’s bed and when he announced that they were getting married without both parties even knowing. Poor Gideon was clearly going through it during this book but in the end, I like how he can be blunt with Sophie like when they talk about if she wants to ascend, despite the risk of it, he wants her to be happy. And Henry and Charlotte were also so adorable throughout the whole story, however I would like to know where on earth Charlotte gets all her energy from, I mean that girl was clearly doing the most throughout the book, and whilst pregnant !!!

Jessamine’s death was interesting because for some reason she seems more content in death than she ever was when she was alive, but who knows, it’s her world and we’re all just living in it. That Consul Wayland was one confusing cookie as well, I mean he was the good guy last book and then he for some unknown reason switched up real fast, then got beheaded? Serves him right I suppose, we don’t accept any misogyny here.

At the end of it all, I loved this book series a lot. It was beautiful, funny, tragic and even at times simple but I can’t deny that not a single one of the characters in it do not own a part of my heart. Reading about Yorkshire was cool as well considering I am also from the north although Cassie Clare did not make it seem all that nice but I promise it is not as rainy and grey as she said. Well not always anyway ;)

Now, on to Chain of gold and quite a few people on here have been warning me about it and I’m kind of excited to see just how much miscommunication can be crammed into 550 pages.

Art credit: lariablog

I genuinely love all of the work that they create so if you want to then you can look them up on Instagram >>>

#shadowhunters #the infernal devices #will herondale #jem carstairs #tessa grey #magnus bane #gabriel lightwood #the mortal instruments #the dark artifices #herongraystairs #tlhart #the shadowhunter chronicles #the last hours #chain of gold #chain of iron #gideon lightwood #cecily herondale

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filliteapot · 4 years

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i live for josei manga! it seems like there are so many series that never get a release outside of japan tho. :( what are your favorites that you would recommend?

Okay, I made some lists in the past and I’m not taking any of those I had put there back, but I wanted to make a new list of recs for a while, so I guess it’s high time to do so.

All time recs:

Ikuemi Ryo’s works: my faves are Kiyoku Yawaku, Taiyou ga Miteiru, Principal, Anata no Koto Wa Sorehodo. But. Pretty Much everything by Ikuemi is worth checking.

Tamura Yumi’s works: the obvious 7seeds and Basara aside, I beg you, read her Neko Mix Genkitan Toraji. Also, she has some quality oneshots like this one.

Okazaki Mari’s works: & (I didn’t like it when I first tried to read it, but last year I opened it and it got to my heart), Tomodachi Ijou (second oneshot is something I reread to feel better) and Suppli (love from the first page I saw)

Nishi Keiko’s Otoko no Isshou (it has some things I don’t rly like reading about and yet it owns my heart) and Koi to Gunkan (sadly, translation was dropped)

Umino Chica’s Honey and clover (and 3gatsu no Lion)

Higashimura Akiko’s works: Kakukaku Shikajika (her best work imo) and Tokyo Tarareba Musume

Yazawa Ai’s works

Attention: I know that some of these go as shoujo or seinen but it’s just bc they were published in shoujo/seinen magazines which doesn’t change the fact that these are Josei Authors to me and frankly I don’t give a damn about how they are labeled so no need to tell me about it. Thank you very much.

Stories I mention less often:

Konishi Asuka’s Haru no Noroi

Watanuki Yoshiko’s Manatsu no Delta (a real jem imo, keeping an eye on this author from now)

Fumino Yuki’s Saraba Yoki Hi (I feel like when Ikuemi’s TGM ended the Universe tossed this one to me bc it knew I needed something else with the same lvl of pain and ability to make me rage and want to die while reading but not dropping the series)

Omoide no Toki Shuurishimasu by Tani Mizue (story) and Yamaguchi Izumi (art) - I read it years ago on otakumole, not sure if there’s translation anywhere else.

Hozumi’s Usemono Yado

Ninomiya Tomoko’s Nodame Cantabile

Katsuta Bun’s Chikutaku Bonbon and Daddy Long Legs (oneshot collection)

Kazuno Tani’s works (Her oneshot In The Pocket is the right mix of slice of life and fantasy-or-was-it-a-dream-like experience which I appreciate so I want more of her works)

Ima Ichiko’s Hyakki Yakoushou (not romance, darker fantasy with Japanese folklore creatures)

Kodama Yuki’s works (her stories are not my 100% faves, but I love the art and the nostalgic atmosphere)

Morimoto Kozueko’s Koudai-ke no Hitotobito (for the humour and The Poor Little Bjorn)

Yoshimura Akemi’s Bara no Tame ni (the main romance annoys me so much but this series overall does have good things so I’m putting it here)

Tanikawa Fumiko’s works (cute romance oneshots mostly)

Things that caught my attention that I still need to check out myself:

Ikebe Aoi’s works (Zassou-tachi yo Taishi o Idake)

Nanamaki Kanako’s works (Minato Machi Neko Machi)

Yoshinaga Fumi’s Ooku (an award winning thing, I’ve read the first volume and wanna continue bc it is interesting indeed but I can’t read it with a lighthearted attitude)

Shimura Takako’s Koiiji (I feel like I’ll be raging a lot while reading about unrequieted love and bad life decisions but I’ll check this one)

Opening a New Rubric: Things I Want Translated

Sugita Kei’s Chouyaku Hyakunin Isshu: Uta Koi. I yelled about it so much last year, so I want to mention it here too. The anime for Uta Koi is a rec too, but the manga has more stories and contents.

Okazaki Mari’s Suppli (I’m that “let me in” meme but “let me read it let me reaaaad” as this story got me caught with raws only - I knew it was over for me when I saw this page)

Kuramochi Fusako’s Tennen Kokekko and Tsuki no Pulse (in love with her style and wishing to get Tsuki for personal reasons)

Itoi Key’s Hana to Hoho (I loved the summary and Nishi Keiko’s comment on it, would love to read it one day)

Isoya Yuki’s Nagatan to Ao To (for the sake of Yearning and Food)

Iwamoto Nao’s works (they look so interesting and I love the style)

Nemu Yoko’s Sandaime Kusuriya Kyuubee (several oneshot collections of hers are translated, but I’m not really into them, and I want to read her longer series much more)

Ikuemi’s new series: Ichinichi Nikai and her adaptation of the novel Eine kleine Nachtmusik (looked through chinese raws > cried bc of Ikuemi’s powerful storytelling getting to me even past the language I don’t understand at all)

Anything by Katsuta Bun

Webtoons - I’m (sooo) not a big fan of this format but there are good josei-like stories in it so I decided to mention them too:

Yaggug’s Unlucky Mansion

Go Ara’s stories (some of them are pretty much pessimistic but ugh they hurt me and left a mark – yeah I’m looking at you, Teenager Younghwa)

Kim Ji Hyo’s Hans and Emily (I got such a good fairytale feeling from this one and loved the style)

Uni life stories like Cheese in the trap or Love Barometer (I enjoyed them pretty much in the past, though I haven’t finished both stories yet)

This is it. For now. I’m not sure what you expected from me when asking about josei recs, but I guess now you can see how much I love talking about it. :“)

Of course, the new josei suggestions (and asks about stories in general) are always welcome.

#replies #josei #recs #josei recs #i didn't find my old recs post so it's gonna be a tag #long post

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dvmnedsaints · 4 years

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{ cis man, he/him } ❝ name one hero who was happy. you can’t. ❞ huh, who’s JORDAN CONNOR? no, you’re mistaken, that’s actually JAMES ‘JEM’ SNAPE. he is a 28 year old HALF-BLOOD wizard who is THE DEFENSE AGAINST THE DARK ARTS PROFESSOR AT HOGWARTS. he is known for being ARROGANT, RETICENT, ABRASIVE, BRAZEN, and ENIGMATIC but also ASTUTE, ADAPTABLE, CANDID, VALIANT, and AMBITIOUS, so that must be why he always reminds me of the song SIXTEEN BY REAL FRIENDS and A DARK MASK PLACED OVER THE BEST OF INTENTIONS, YOU CAN’T HOLD THE WEIGHT OF THE WORLD ON YOUR SHOULDER TO MAKE UP FOR YOUR FATHER’S SINS, EVERYONE EXPECTS THE WORST OF YOU ; YOU MIGHT AS WELL USE THAT TO YOUR ADVANTAGE, YOUR WORLD IN ONLY FILLED WITH SUNSHINE WHEN SHE IS NEAR, DISTANT MEMORIES OF BEFORE YOU KNEW WHERE YOU CAME FROM. i hear he is aligned with THE DEATH EATERS, so be sure to keep an eye on him.

emotional abuse tw

basics.

full name : james achilles bowie wilkes snape

nicknames : jem, bowie

age : 28

date of birth : january 30, 2001

zodiac : aquarius

place of birth : paris, france

blood status: half-blood

gender : cis male

pronouns : he/him

sexuality : pansexual

family.

father : severus snape

mother : violetta wilkes

siblings : 1 older step-sibling, a twin sister, 2 maternal half siblings & 2 paternal half siblings.

spouse : TBA

children : rosalie hera olethea wilkes snape

physical.

hair color : black

eye color : brown

height : 6′5″

personality.

morality : chaotic neutral

positive traits : candid, astute, adaptable, valient & ambitious

negative traits : arrogant, reticent, abrasive, brazen & enigmatic

job : defense against the dark arts professor at hogwarts

hogwarts house : slytherin, although he only went to hogwarts for his sixth and seventh year, the first five were spent at beauxbatons.

alignment : the death eaters the order of the phoenix

background.

james achilles bowie wilkes snape. the eldest child of violetta wilkes and severus snape. the wilkes family was wealthy, owning properties through out europe, a fact that did not change after violetta’s father was killed by aurors in the first wizarding war for being a death eater. the family simply moved to paris. violetta and her siblings finished their schooling at beauxbaton’s, where she would later teach potions. in the year 2000, violetta visited hogwarts to teach for a semester. it was there that her brief fling with severus snape began, nevertheless she fell pregnant with twins. violetta returned paris without a speaking a word of the pregnancy to severus until the twins were born. it was only then that the two decided that they would each raise one of the babies and have little to no contact. violetta chose to keep the older of the two, her son james, who she affectionately nicknamed jem.

three years after the birth of the twins, violetta met and married a wealthy french pureblooded wizard, with a child of his own. the two would go on to have two children together. violetta was very secretive with jem, refusing to tell her son about his father. her story often changed. sometimes she would say that he was an old friend who died before jem was born, other times he was a spy, someone living a secret life and couldn’t settle down to have a family. as a child jem just accepted the tales his mother spun, even creating his own fantastical version of who he thought he father might have been.

jem was brought up being instilled with the idea of pureblood superiority, although he was a half-blood himself, it became something most of his family either ignored about him, or blatantly criticized the boy for, step-father often opting for the latter option. jem did everything he could to be the perfect son, but it never seemed to be enough.

when the time came for him to go to school, jem went to beauxbatons and he loved it there. he quickly became popular among his peers and excelled in his classes, but still, nothing he ever did seemed to please his mother or step-father. whenever he would argue with his parents jem would go back to wondering what his real father was like. the once sweet boy hardened. his personality completely changed when he was home from how he was at school. at beauxbatons he was charismatic, popular, the best of the best in his class. at home he was in the way, a good for nothing.

jem was fifteen years old when his mother told him about his biological father and that he had a twin sister. the two went between fighting and giving the silent treatment for what felt like weeks before jem ran away. he didn’t have a plan, he barely had any money on him, but he knew he couldn’t stay in paris another day. he wanted to meet his father and twin. maybe then he’d feel like he was more than a waste of space. he was wrong, of course. severus snape was nothing like the idea of his father that jem had built in his head.

severus took the boy in nevertheless and enrolled him in hogwarts. jem was sorted into slytherin. though his father had since retired from teaching, there was still whispers to be heard of his treatment of students all those years ago. unlike his sister, jem hadn’t grown up with his new peers, they didn’t know him, he was mysterious and new. he seemed to have a reputation before he had even begun school at hogwarts. jem decided to embrace it. if everyone wanted to see him a certain way, he would let them. jem snape became an enigma, no one truly knew him.

after his two years at hogwarts, jem continued his studies, focusing on the defense against the dark arts. four years after graduating, jem was offered the dada position at hogwarts where he has been working for the seven years since.

in the years since, jem has gotten married and become a father. he made up with his mother and reconnected with his family in france.

#potterintro #will probs add more at some point but this has been in my drafts too long

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sarah-snook · 4 years

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Hello! If possible, could you reccomend your favorite chaptered reddie fics?

ohhh yes! i love doing fic recs!!! i haven’t been asked for one in a while! here goes! it’s my bday today so i’m gonna be rereading (or finishing) all of these as a treat haha

some of these might be in progress so just be aware of that!

ask me to stay by @feldmancorey↬ word count: 36,036 | chapters: 7/7 | rating: T

“Your lip is all busted,” Eddie said, as though pointing out that Richie’s lips were injured would somehow make it okay that Eddie was paying attention to them. Richie’s hand came up, long fingers wrapping around Eddie’s tiny wrist, and he gently guided Eddie’s touch away.

Eddie finally wrenched his eyes away from Richie’s lips and met his best friend’s gaze. There was a softness there that he rarely got to see, not even the smallest hint of teasing or joking there. It was just Richie, just Richie looking at him and Eddie looking back. For a single moment, it was just Richie and Eddie alone in the world. Nothing to bother them, nothing to live up to.

[or: the year is 1994, and Eddie Kaspbrak is in love.]

the real world by @feldmancorey↬ word count: 15,796 | chapters: 5/18 | rating: T

The lights in the Tozier house were on.

Nearly four months ago, Eddie’s best friend, Richie Tozier, had seemingly dropped off the face of the Earth. He’d stopped coming to school, wouldn’t answer texts, and stopped posting on all social media. The home phone would ring and ring until the caller hung up. The driveway had been empty. The grass on the front lawn had overgrown and wilted. The house never went up for sale but for four long months, it was as though the Tozier family had simply disappeared.Until now, with Went’s car sat in the driveway and the living room lights all flicked on. Eddie could see movement through the windows. It was as though the world had picked back up from where it had stopped, without a hint of change.

[or: after a sudden and unexplained disappearance, richie tozier returns to derry with a secret that no one person could ever hope to hold onto.]

One caramel macchiato, on me by @jem-carstairs-is-perfection↬ word count: 11,058 | chapters: 2/2 | rating: T

“Oh shit.” Richie swore and looked around hoping he’d missed another empty seat somewhere in the classroom so he didn’t have to take this one.

He hadn’t.

With an apologetic shrug he said, “I know I’m the last person you want to see right now, probably ever and trust me, I’d fuck off if I could, but that’s literally the only seat left.”

The guy sighed but didn’t move, staring ahead, perhaps hoping Richie would disappear if he ignored him hard enough.

Richie couldn’t help but share the sentiment. “I promise I’ll keep my hands to myself.”

“It’s your elbows I’m more worried about.”

or Richie and Eddie have the opposite of a meet-cute. When their paths cross again, neither is too happy about it ―at first.

Un Nouveau Soleil by @eddiefuckinkaspbrak↬ word count: 33,353 | chapters: 3/3 | rating: E

It was three months into his first year that Richie met Eddie for the first time. Edward Frank Kaspbrak. The man who would become the love of his life.

And Richie had no idea.

or: Richie is the heir to the British Throne who decides to study abroad at Harvard University. There, he meets Eddie Kaspbrak and they fall in love…duh.

The Greater Fool Series by @yallreddieforthis↬ word count: 47,573 | chapters: 7 parts | rating: varies

Begins a couple months after the end of the movie. Follows an alternate timeline in which none of the Losers other than Beverly move away from Derry, and none of them forget It or each other.

oh, somebody loves you by slytherincosette↬ word count: 12,341 | chapters: 3/3 | rating: NR

“‘I already know I’ll smell Eddie’s mom,” Richie announces to no one in particular, “I’ve never met her, but we’re soulmates. I imagine she smells like lemon cleaning supplies and antacid. Very sexy.’

Eddie lets his head drop onto the table.”

Amortentia is encountered in Potion’s class and everything goes to shit. Basically a romantic comedy set at Hogwarts. Everyone is Bad At Feelings, until they’re not.

He Asks How I Am by @themightychipmunk↬ word count: 19,369 | chapters: 4/4 | rating: T

After a year of writing to each other through an anonymous pen pal program, Eddie and Richie end up at the same school, completely unaware of their deeper connection.

Things get pretty gay.

and this is who we are by sunsetozier↬ word count: 40,763 | chapters: 8/8 | rating: M

He realizes, suddenly, that being in a position like this meant nothing to him two weeks ago. At the time, it was completely normal, holding no real meaning other than comfort and tradition – after all, him and Eddie have been disgustingly cuddly with one another since they were kids, even though they’d usually bicker while holding each other close, much to the annoyance (and entertainment) of their friends.

Now, however, Richie can feel his heart skip a beat in his chest, an undeniable thundering that echoes loudly in his ears. He can picture his younger self, as much of an oblivious idiot as he may have been, soaking in the warmth and the affection of Eddie’s touch when they hugged, shoved, or even just nudged one another. It’s funny, really, how much changes once you’re aware of how you feel.

[In which Eddie and Beverly lie to their friends for five years before finally coming out, much to the surprise of one supposedly straight Richie Tozier.]

the boy who cried (wolf) by @jortsbian↬ word count: 21,784 | chapters: 3/5 | rating: T

The following events seemed to happen in slow motion, which would probably have looked cool as fuck if Richie hadn’t been a gangly uncoordinated teen and if it had been a cool action movie instead of real life: the wolf lunged at Eddie. Richie, in a fit of anger and fear-fueled adrenaline, kicked at the wolf as hard as he could. The wolf twisted its head and sunk its teeth into Richie’s leg. Richie’s thoughts turned blank except for oh shit. Eddie screamed something at the wolf and sprayed it in the eyes with his inhaler. The wolf whimpered, released Richie’s leg, and stumbled blindly into the woods. Richie thought another oh shit as Eddie scrambled over to him and asked him—something. The world went dark.

AKA, the one where Richie’s a werewolf and that’s the least of his worries (or maybe not, but sue him for being dramatic, will you?)

call my bluff, call you babe by @hyruling↬ word count: 16,527 | chapters: 2/3 | rating: M

“Why can’t I ask Bill?”

“Because— he’s basically a celebrity too. That’s just. It’s already weird enough to people that you two even know each other, pretending to be romantically involved is just opening up a whole can of worms. I’m outside.”

“‘Romantically involved’, when did you start writing for The Sun, Eds,” Richie teases with a chuckle, just as Eddie reaches the final turn down Richie’s hallway. “That doesn’t really… I mean, people know we were friends when we were kids, so—”

“Just pretend to be my date,” Eddie says, and—

And nearly throws his phone into the fucking wall.

Thanks for Pudding up with Me by MooeyDooey↬ word count: 62,809 | chapters: 7/8 | rating: E

Eddie Kaspbrak was once one of the most influential professional chefs in New York. After an unfortunate incident in his kitchen, he loses his job and most of his earnings. Down on his luck, with no where else to go, he accepts a job offer with the ragtag ‘Prospect Test Kitchen’ in Boston.

What starts as a small passion project, making cooking tutorials online, becomes a lot more complicated and bigger than they could ever imagine when Bill brings in a new addition to their team. A comedian with a shocking background and surprise talent for culinary arts: Richie Tozier.

Eddie’s the only one who doesn’t like the new recruit, but Bill bribes Eddie into giving Richie a chance. At the end of six months, Richie’s contract will expire. Eddie will get to decide whether they offer him a contract renewal, or refuse to re-hire him.

Things are heating up in the Prospect street Test Kitchen! Will Eddie stick to his guns, and keep his dignity? Or will he get lost in the sauce?

#reddie #eddie kaspbrak #richie tozier #reddie fic #fic rec #multichapter #asked and answered #Anonymous

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uhhjemu · 6 months

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first post, here’s some art of my idiot guy sona (he’s in cardboard hell because i do not like backgrounds and i’m lazy)

#oc #oc art #artist sona #artists on tumblr #jem finished art (REAL!)

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fallafl · 4 years

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What to Read: Summer, 2020

Summer is here! I am seriously hoping this summer won’t be as hot as the previous year. I love hanging out under the sun, but burned skin is the worst. Whoever invented sunblock is an angel.

Anyway, I gather up some books that you might find entertaining to accompany you during the season. I’m thinking of something light-read with a touch of mystery, some series that will make you book drunk, a swoon worthy romance (because who doesn’t love a summer romance? Maybe you’ll find one yourself), and travel-friendly standalone novels (if we’re allowed to travel at all hahaha). I hope you find something that catches your interest!

Basking in the sun while reading sounds wonderful now. Oh and definitely with a watermelon smoothie as company. How are you going to spend your summer? Wherever you are, have a joyful one! And always stay safe :)

1. Eleanor & Park by Rainbow Rowell

“Eleanor was right. She never looked nice. She looked like art, and art wasn't supposed to look nice; it was supposed to make you feel something.”

Rating on Goodreads: 4.07

Genre: Fiction, Young Adult, Contemporary, Romance

First Published: 2012

I read this book long ago, but my love for it is unwavering. It’s so simple yet so meaningful, about an ordinary boy who loves an ordinary girl. It all started when Eleanor sat side by side with Park in a bus one morning. They began to exchange idle conversations about movies, music, and whatnot, then continued to sharing mix tapes and so on. Little did they know, they fall for each other. It’s not only the kind of first love romance where you’re shy and insecure about the way you act in a relationship, but also a story that pushes you to feel good about yourself. Ah, it’s really great!

Read more about it on Goodreads here.

2. After Dark by Haruki Murakami

“Time moves in it special way in the middle of the night.”

Rating on Goodreads: 3.07

Genre: Fiction, Magical Realism, Fantasy, Asian Literature

First Published: 2004

Believe it or not, I just finished this book for the fourth time. The story brings me an indefinite feel about night time. It’s in third point of view, the chapters are divided based on time, telling you a late night escapades of a 19-year-old girl in Tokyo. Mari is always insecure whenever she compares herself to her gorgeous, fashion-model sister. One night, she didn’t feel like going home, so she spent some time at Denny’s, reading a book. There, as if by fate, she met a boy, Takahashi, her sister’s friend, whom she first met two summers ago but barely recognized. That night marks the very first time they actually talk. I personally love all their dialogue. It’s very unique, simple, and very relatable. Also, you probably aware that Murakami is famous on his surrealistic plot and he did amazing in such a sleek novel. There’s romance and mystery inside, making it hard to put down. Well, a friend of mine told me she finishes it in one sitting. Worth it.

Read more about it on Goodreads here.

3. The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky

“We accept the love we think we deserve.”

Rating on Goodreads: 4.20

Genre: Fiction, Young Adult, Contemporary

First Published: 1999

This is an old novel, a very famous one. Adapted into a good movie. I am sure most of you have watched it. Charlie, the protagonist, shares his insecurities, his joy, his questions about life in a series of letters to whoever read them. As a quiet high school boy, the drama about friendships and family are surely inevitable. As we grow up, the struggles are getting real and more complex. Chbosky has created one timeless coming-of-age novel that is somewhat relatable to us, or at least it makes us reminisce about the good-old days. That’s what makes it interesting. I feel like I want to color the whole book in highlight because there are many good quotes written here.

Oh right, I already did.

Read more about it on Goodreads here.

4. Crazy Rich Asians Series by Kevin Kwan

“Just because some people actually work for their money doesn’t mean they are beneath you.”

Rating on Goodreads:

Crazy Rich Asians (Book #1): 3.85

China Rich Girlfriend (Book #2): 3.83

Rich People Problems (Book #3): 3.94

Genre: Fiction, Romance

First Published: 2013, 2015, 2017 respectively

You know, the books left me in awe because the crazy rich’s life is completely unfathomable. My jaw-dropped the most on the fact that everything about it is real (I mean their abundant, totally-unrelatable-for-a-poor-peasant-like-me lifestyle). Wealth beyond imagination is showering upon these Asians families which becomes one of the sources of their inevitable existence of discrimination. So in other words, reading this series gave me insight on these rich people’s life and culture; especially what Asians parents are looking for in a son/daughter-in-law. Rachel Chu, the female protagonist, an American-born Chinese, is such a heroine and I love her (mostly because she handles the insane situation so gracefully). She came from an ordinary background. Having no idea that her perfect boyfriend, an eligible bachelor, Nicholas Young, comes from one of those rich family, she found herself caught in family dramas when she finally visited her Nick’s family in Singapore.

Read more about it on Goodreads here.

5. The Infernal Devices Series by Cassandra Clare

“Sometimes, when I have to do something I don't want to do, I pretend I'm a character from a book. It's easier to know what they would do.”

Rating on Goodreads:

Clockwork Angel (The Infernal Devices #1) : 4.33

Clockwork Prince (The Infernal Devices #2) : 4.45

Clockwork Princess (The Infernal Devices #3) : 4.58

Genre: Fiction, Fantasy, Romance

First Published: 2010, 2011, and 2013 respectively

A series totally worth reading if you love romance. Yes, there’s love triangle in it, but trust me, it’s absolutely unpredictable. You can’t even bring yourself to choose side! I had a hard time thinking about whom the girl should end up with so I decided she should marry them both if she could. Will, Jem, and Tessa oh how can I ever get my mind out of them. This short review turns out to be a brief fangirl moment LOL. Well, I guess you can tell how much I love The Infernal Devices now. I have written a review about this though, you can check it out in this link.

Read more about it on Goodreads here.

#Book Recommendations #summer books #eleanor and park #after dark #the perks of being a wallflower #crazy rich asians #the infernal devices #book blog

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skeletonscribbles · 6 years

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Wishes - Finale

it is....finished. thank you all for the love you’ve shown this little story. I love these Losers so much and I will miss the hell out of this AU, but...this is where I leave them, so, without further ado:

Title: “The Second Star To The Right” (Richie)

Warnings: I personally am sad because it’s over but otherwise I don’t think anything except Bad Star Wars Jokes

Rating: G

Read on Ao3

Tag List: @roobarrtrashmouth @jem-carstairs-is-perfection@tozier-club @aizeninlefox @stanheartsbill@imrichie @softeds@pretzelstoday @melancholypurple@wheezygreens@ayyyymichele @loser-marsh Special Shoutout to Michele ( @ayyyymichele) for all the wonderful art she’s produced for this AU. she’s incredible and I am so fucking grateful <3

RICHIE TOZIER ATTRACTIONS CAST - JUNGLE CRUISE soon to be NOT EMPLOYED BY THE MOUSE but for the meantime, he’s in ANAHEIM, CALIFORNIA - DISNEYLAND PARK JULY 20th 8 P.M.

“I have something to say.”

If any one of the five people trudging towards Tomorrowland that weren’t Eddie had spoken up, Richie would have kept on walking. Total cold shoulder, doneski. He was tired of hashing shit out with his friends in public places, and they’d all promised to be cool at Disneyland. They’d kept that promise so far. There was no reason to ruin everything with only two park hours left in the whole fucking trip.

But. It was Eddie, so he did what needed to be done.

He stopped in the dead center of the walkway, and let Stan, Bev, and Bill crash into him like demented human dominoes.

“Richard,” Stan said into his back. Richie hadn’t turned around to assess the damage - he couldn’t, given the fact that Stan’s face was firmly planted between his shoulder blades - but the violent whispered curses and smack of hands against pavement coming from behind him suggested that Bev and Bill had truly been knocked down and were getting back up again, Chumbawumba style.

“In my defense--” Richie began, but he knew before he even started the sentence that it was fruitless. There was a 100% chance that Stan was going to shove him towards the nearest trashcan (and there was always a nearest trashcan - good ol’ Walt with his ‘trashcans every 10 feet’ rule).

His only real mistake was trying to catch his fall with his hands rather than just crashing into the aluminum menace forthright. Putting his arms out in front of him meant that he pushed open the swinging trash cover just enough to be elbow-deep in someone’s discarded Dole Whip.

“Well,” Richie said, extracting his hands and assessing the damage. “At least we weren’t in Toontown. Dunno what I would have all over my hands if we were.”

“Yeah, at least coming out of Adventureland you know that if it’s yellow-orange, it’s Dole Whip,” Ben agreed. Bev, who was still glowering at Richie, smacked Ben on the arm as if to chastise him for even speaking to Richie, and Ben was forced to shrug apologetically.

“Oh, you idiot. You deserved that.” Richie heard Eddie’s disgruntled mumbling before he saw him, but even without the visual, Richie knew exactly what his boyfriend was doing: rushing towards Richie with Kleenex and maybe a wet wipe in his outstretched hands. Richie turned a little bit to look at Eddie’s frenzied fumbling, smiled softly at the sight, and decided that it probably wasn’t the right moment to tell him that he hadn’t zipped his fanny pack back up all the way. There’d be a funnier time to break that news - like right before they were strapped in at Space Mountain, for example.

Richie took the Kleenex and looked back at the rest of their friends. Bill was examining his hands - it looked like he’d taken the brunt of the fall, as further evidenced by the expression on Mike’s face as he looked conflictedly between Bill’s stinging red palms and Richie’s face. Stan was over leaning on the nearest lamppost, a satisfied smirk on his face, and Ben and Bev were right behind Eddie, trying and failing not to giggle to themselves over Eddie’s nursing tendencies.

Even with everything that had just gone down, the energy in the air felt really chill. The seven of them were zen with one another in a way that they hadn’t been since the previous fall, and Richie was totally into it.

He turned his eyes back down towards Eddie, who was muttering to himself as he meticulously sanitized and wiped down every inch of Richie’s hands, and allowed himself to feel a little bit surprised.

It was kind of a fucking miracle that their little orientation group of sorts had made it through the year.

More than that - it was definitely a fucking miracle that Mike was crossing over to Stan the way that he was, that their mock-exasperated nudges were still precursors to enclasped hands. It was a gigantic fucking miracle that Eddie was getting rid of the Kleenex, now, and attaching himself to Richie’s side like a sloth - a gigantic fucking miracle that Richie had to re-wrap his mind around every damn day.

Ben and Bev were...less of a miracle, but that was heterosexuals for you. Richie didn’t begrudge them their stability - in fact, he was pretty frigging impressed by it, especially given the shit Bev had gone through. (As the only two occasional smokers in the group and often the only two who had any taste in anything at all, they’d decided to suck it up and go all in on their individual friendship...and fuck, had that been a good decision. It was enough to make him almost regret heckling her at costuming before they’d really known each other, now. Almost.)

And then the biggest miracle of all was Bill fucking Denbrough, who had now crossed to lean against the offending trash can. Richie was no expert on maturity, but even he could tell that Bill was a different kind of dude now than he was six months ago (never mind the kid he’d been when he and Richie had first met). 25 years old, and Bill was finally getting somewhere.

And Richie...Richie was too. It was different, but also kind of the same, so he and Bill had a neat little solidarity that neither of them really understood going on. It was pretty fucking great.

“Eddie, did you want to say something?” Bill asked, steadfastly ignoring his phone buzzing in his pocket in favor of paying attention to his friends. Richie made eye contact with Stan upon noticing Bill’s lack of attachment to his device, because he knew Stan would notice too, and they shared an impressed eyebrow waggle before turning towards Eddie.

“Yes.” Richie couldn’t see Eddie’s face in the position that they were in, just the top of his head, but he could feel Eddie nodding against his arm. “And it’s important.”

“You’re leaving Richie for me,” Mike guessed, sliding his hand out from where it had been intertwined with Stan’s and planting it on his hip jauntily. Richie mirrored him with his own hand, bopping his hip a little to distract everyone from the fact that he really, really hated this joke.

Not that they didn’t know, anyway. Not that he hadn’t made it obvious every damn time that he was sensitive or insecure or whatever the fuck about this particular thing. But - what kind of funnyman was he if he couldn’t take a joke, right? Even if it was the same damn joke about one of Richie’s deepest fears made for a month straight .

But - there was still something different in the air tonight, and Richie could tell that Stan was in touch with it. He was less drawn back than usual; more comfortable in his own skin - if Richie was going to do an impression of the Stan in front of him in that very instant, he’d slump his shoulders a little bit instead of drawing them up to his ears like he usually did.

It was probably for that reason that Stan said “Say it, Eddie,” instead of his usual “No, you’re leaving Richie for ME,” and Richie let out a relieved guffaw.

“Hit it, Fer-gie,” he drawled, keeping Stan’s ‘say it, Eddie’ cadence, and Stan flipped him off with a sweet, sappy grin.

Eddie noticed absolutely none of the weirdness in the previous exchange, which Richie found to be equal parts adorable and concerning. He just plowed on ahead.

“I want to remind everyone that Bev and I have little legs,” Eddie said, taking a moment to glare at every single one of them individually, “and that we have been walking for four days, and when you have to jog to keep up--”

“Good point!” Bev chimed in. “You’re giants and monsters, all of you.”

“So,” Bill said, looking between Eddie and Bev in an attempt to figure out what was being asked of him. “You’re...tired?”

“And also I would like some ice cream,” Eddie finished, and immediately turned on Richie to give puppy-dog eyes.

God, the fucking puppy-dog eyes. He really needed to get better at resisting those, or he’d be at Eddie’s beck and call for the rest of his miserable--

...well, no. It wouldn’t be miserable if it were with Eddie - not by a long shot.

“I’ll buy you one,” Richie said resolutely, and then absolutely couldn’t help but lean down and kiss his smiling mouth.

(He still couldn’t really believe he got to do that whenever he wanted, when all was said and done. He wasn’t about to waste an opportunity.)

“We can afford to slow down, definitely.” Ben was smiling that soft, easy, reassuring Ben smile, and Richie kind of loved him for it. He was shutting down the ‘pack as much as you can into the last two hours’ counterargument before it had even begun. “Maybe we just do Star Tours and then head to the hub for the fireworks? If we get there early we’ll probably be closer to the castle.”

“Good deal,” Richie agreed, grinning at the thought of riding Star Tours again. He’d been making up new little incorrect facts about Star Wars throughout the trip and feeding them to Eddie, and he was hoping that by the time they finished their vacation, Eddie would have total confidence in a version of Star Wars that absolutely did not exist. He was sure that particular prank would pay off solidly someday. “Wanna walk?”

“Ice cream cart first,” Eddie insisted, grabbing Richie’s hand and leading him out towards Main Street. “I wanna bite Mickey’s ice cream ears off.”

“Bizarre and vaguely sexual of you, Eddie,” Stan commented, mirroring Eddie by taking Mike’s hand and pulling. “We’re in.”

“Same,” chorused Bev, sneaking up to push her way in the middle of Richie and Eddie. They allowed her into their sphere with matching smiles, slinging their arms over and around her. “Boys? You ready?”

Ben and Bill looked quickly at one another, and then back at Bev, and Richie inhaled sharply. There was a secret inherent in their interaction - Richie was kind of generally a dumbass, but he was good at reading a room, and what Ben and Bill had going seemed like kind of a big deal.

Was tonight going to be the night…?

Bev, for her part, didn’t suspect a thing. She waved an idle hand at them and carried on. “Hurry up, then.”

Richie bit his lip and allowed himself to be dragged along. His thoughts were racing, which meant he was uncharacteristically silent amidst his friends’ chatter.

If Ben was going to say his piece, Richie should probably follow suit, right? Not that Ben’s thing and Richie’s thing were even remotely similar, but...Richie was starting to learn that it was better to have everything out in the open.

It was funny, he thought, that wishes came with responsibilities - that he’d gotten exactly what he wanted with his friends and his relationships, and things were still sometimes hard. There was no way around having to fix his garbage communication skills anymore. Self-improvement had become a weird sort of necessity.

But. Maybe he had kind of wished for that, too.

“Eddie,” he said, willing himself to not chicken out.

They had arrived at the ice cream cart. Eddie disentangled himself from Bev, slid past Stan and Mike, and planted himself in front of Richie, eyes dark with concern.

“My whole name, huh?” Eddie asked softly, biting at his bottom lip. Behind him, Bill and Ben were finally approaching the group. They were talking in low voices, and Richie clenched his fists, wishing vaguely to have some of their strength; to be less terrified of telling the truth.

“Eds,” Richie corrected himself, pushing a hand back through his hair nervously. “I’ve been meaning...I was going to tell you something. Or ask. Maybe.”

Eddie’s eyes widened. “Richie, if this is a proposal, why did you pick the least romantic spot in all of Disneyland--”

“No, no,” Richie said quickly, putting his hands in front of him to drive home the point. “No. Uh. I got a call right before we left from the theatre I’ve been performing at, and they have an opening for a full-time member of their production team…”

“You told me you applied,” Eddie reminded him, putting a reassuring hand on his forearm. “Are you trying to tell me you got the job?”

Richie stared at Eddie’s face, willing him to express some kind of emotion for Richie to gauge, but it wasn’t taking - Eddie’s features remained annoyingly blank.

“Yes,” Richie said, closing his eyes and hoping for the best. “And. I think...I think I really want it.”

Eddie didn’t respond out loud for a moment. Instead, he slid a hand up to Richie’s face, and traced his thumb over Richie’s cheekbone.

“I’m so proud of you,” Eddie whispered, and Richie felt all of the tension leave his body in one fell swoop. He fell down into Eddie’s arms bonelessly, and Eddie stumbled backwards a little bit.

“It means that I’d be leaving the company,” Richie reminded him, lips tight against Eddie’s ear.

“But it’s a permanent position,” Eddie replied, and Richie could all but see the smile on his cute little face. “You’re going to be in Orlando, still. We’re going to be together.”

“We are,” Richie confirmed, straightening up and smiling back down at Eddie. “I was just...I didn’t know if--”

Eddie laughed sweetly and took both of Richie’s hands in his own. “Idiot. Aren’t we past this? I love you.” He tilted his face up expectantly. “I’m glad you told me.”

Richie couldn’t help but oblige him with a kiss. “Sorry I’m stupid.”

“Don’t get in the habit of saying that or it’s all you’ll ever say from here on out.” Stan was walking towards them, holding out two Mickey ice cream bars. “You’re welcome for these, by the way. If you try to pay me back by sneaking money into my wallet when you think I’m not paying attention, Richie, I’ll release incriminating screenshots into the group chat.”

“If it’s the conversation where the two of you talk at length about High School Musical, I’ve already seen it,” Eddie said, taking an ice cream bar and tearing open the wrapper.

Stan sighed. “I’ll think of something else, then.”

“If we’re set with ice cream, then we should get moving,” Bill announced, checking his watch. “We don’t have as much time as we think. We should get in line for Star Tours as soon as possible.”

“We’re really gunning for good seats at the fireworks, huh?” Mike asked teasingly, clapping Bill on the shoulder. Bill smiled a little bit, but it was clear that his agreeing nod was serious - and his little glance at Ben after he finished nodding was, too.

God. It was really going to happen tonight.

“Let’s go, then,” Richie said, not wanting to begrudge Ben any last little detail. He unwrapped his ice cream bar and tried to insert as much of it into his mouth as he possibly could. “Strrrr Trrrrr awhrrrh!”

“He means Star Tours away,” Eddie translated, biting one of Mickey’s ears off neatly. “And let’s please not run. My legs are so little.”

“Walking fast?” Bill offered, smiling cheekily.

“Walking at a pace that is comfortable for everyone,” Mike said, moving to demonstrate said pace, and together they fell into an easy step.

The wait time for Star Tours was short - only 10 minutes - and they gathered at the mouth of the line for a quick moment before plunging ahead.

“We’re okay with this being our last ride?” Bev asked, leaning against the metal frame of the attraction with her hands in her pockets. “Ben, you didn’t want it to be Indiana Jones?”

Ben shook his head wistfully. “As great as that ride is, I’m good.”

She met Richie’s eyes, then, and he knew immediately what she was about to ask. “And Richie--”

“Mr. Toad and I are good for now,” Richie assured her with a wink. “No need to revisit that one. Let’s go into space, huh?”

No one agreed out loud, but Bill started moving into the queue and the rest of them were following suit, so Richie allowed himself a moment of feeling like his leadership skills had improved before wandering after them.

“Do you think that if we see the Ewoks again, Luke Skywalker will be with them? He’s their leader, right?” Eddie asked, turning towards Richie with wide eyes.

Richie slid his arm over Eddie’s shoulders in a practiced motion and made to respond, but Stan beat him to it.

“Luke Skywalker can’t be the leader of the Ewoks because his lightsaber is red and theirs are all green, Eddie,” Stan said matter-of-factly. “If you knew anything about Star Wars, you’d know that. Luke Skywalker’s only allowed to lead those guys in planes. Red Luke Leader and all that.”

Richie quickly pulled out his phone to set a reminder to thank Stan somehow for his genius addition to Richie’s newly invented Star Wars lore, and also to ask Stan how much of that he genuinely believed was true.

“Planes?” Eddie wrinkled his nose. “I thought the stereotype was that gays couldn’t drive.”

“I am very proud of the work that I’m doing on Star Wars: Galaxy’s Edge,” Ben interjected loudly, “and I cannot wait to never show any of you what I’m doing, or go to that park with you when it opens, or talk to any of you about Star Wars ever again.”

Richie laughed out loud. “Ben, buddy, you’ve got to settle down. Your emotions are betraying you. Have you ever heard the tragedy of Darth Plagueis the Wise--”

Bill turned around from the front of the queue, forehead cinched up in either stress or amusement. “Wait, no, that can’t be a real thing.”

“That’s the only thing that’s been said this entire time that’s a real thing, actually,” Mike said through gritted teeth.

“Should we watch Star Wars on our next movie night?” Bev asked, smiling thinly. “Would that resolve a few things?”

The responses to that were chaotic and entirely mixed, and Richie reveled in the fact that the anarchy he’d caused lasted all the way up until they got on to the ride.

Their simulator went through the pod-racing section, and then Naboo with the Gungans, which meant that Stan was going to be speaking in incomprehensible memes for days. Richie would have complained loudly and obnoxiously about that, but it was almost time for the fireworks, which meant that it was almost time for Ben’s big moment.

Richie didn’t want to insert himself in the middle of whatever Ben and Bill were planning, but he couldn’t help feeling a little bit nervous about the whole thing….which was weird, because he usually didn’t feel nervous about things that weren’t his.

This thing was different, though. This thing had some gravity to it, and there were a bunch of different ways it could go wrong.

First of all, Bill didn’t have an amazing track record with plans like these. Granted, Ben and Bev weren’t Stan and Mike, but having Bill involved meant that everything was probably going to be a lot riskier than it would be otherwise, and Richie was tired of risk-taking where his friends were involved. They’d agreed on no drama for this trip. This could knock that whole agreement out of whack.

Second, if Ben pulled this off...well, everything would change, wouldn’t it? They’d just finally gotten their shit together well enough to be friends again. Would they be able to survive a change at this point?

Third...well, third was Eddie, and all of the things that he was going to have to start thinking about if Ben was successful.

Third could wait.

But. First and second were legitimate issues, and it was for that reason that Richie found himself slipping away from Eddie and Stan and sidling over to Bill.

“What’s the plan?” he asked, speaking quickly and quietly so as not to be overheard.

Bill raised his eyebrows, but otherwise didn’t seem surprised that Richie was asking. “Just getting as close as we can so that Ben can do his thing when it starts. Nothing elaborate.”

“Nothing risky?” Richie asked, doing his best Stan impression. “No personal pyrotechnics, no Goofy go-go dancers--”

“Just you,” Bill joked, eyes shiny with mischief. “You’re the only risk. Don’t fuck anything up, Richie.”

“Yeah, nah, I won’t,” Richie agreed. “But. It’s gonna be okay, right?”

Bill took a moment to look thoughtful, and Richie almost rolled his eyes. It was a yes or no question, and the correct answer was obvious, but when Bill responded, Richie found himself kind of grateful that Bill hadn’t taken the easy way out.

“You know how Bev thinks our friendship is destiny?” he asked, smiling a secret smile.

“Don’t fucking beat around the bush, Denbrough,” Richie complained, tugging at the hairband around his wrist irritably.

“I have a point,” Bill said, “which is that I agree with her, except that I think that the destiny part is more us destined to want to be around each other, which is different than just being destined to be friends. We have to work on it, but we will, because we want to.”

Richie sighed. “So what you’re saying is that it doesn’t matter what we do because we’re gonna work it out in the end no matter what?”

Bill shrugged. “Sure.”

Richie thought about pressing the issue, but ultimately decided against it. What Bill said had been comforting, in a way, and that was enough.

“Why are you helping with this, anyway?” he asked instead, adjusting his glasses idly. “Aren’t you sick of being around relationships at this point?”

Bill tapped at his phone in his pocket with another secret smile. “Don’t count me out yet, Rich. I’ve got someone to introduce you to when we get back. And so...no. I’m good.” He paused, looking over at Ben and Bev, who were talking excitedly to one another as they pushed through the crowd, looking for an optimal spot. “And they’re going to be so happy.”

“I guess that’s all we can ask for,” Richie said, smiling a little bit as he watched them laugh together.

“What is?” Eddie, Stan, and Mike had caught up to them - or maybe had come back to them, Richie had lost track of them completely for a moment.

“Being happy,” Bill replied, stopping just off to the side of the Disneyland Partners statue. “Is this a good spot?”

“Yes!” everyone chorused in unison. They’d have a perfect view of both the castle and the fireworks from where they were.

Richie turned to Eddie and proffered a hand, and Eddie took it, beaming widely up at him. Seized with a sweet impulse, Richie raised Eddie’s hand to his mouth, and Eddie laughed, rolling his eyes with a quiet sort of affection that made Richie’s heart stutter a little bit. He opened his mouth to speak, but Eddie shushed him before he could start.

“Don’t say a single thing about dreams coming true or whatever tacky Disney shit,” Eddie warned amidst giggles, trying and failing to narrow his eyes.

“No…” Richie started, willing the right words to come out of his mouth, “no, I was thinking, actually…”

Eddie tugged sharply at his arm, huffing out a shaky breath. “Is THIS a proposal?”

“No.” Richie turned his head to make solid eye contact with Eddie. “No, we’ve still...not yet, sweetheart, we’ve still got some shit to work out before that goes down, I think. But I was wondering...I was wondering if you were happy. That’s all.”

The music around them swelled, and the first firework lit from over Sleeping Beauty’s castle. Eddie gasped, eyes alight, and out of the corner of his eye, Richie saw Ben go down on one knee.

Richie knew Bev had said yes by the whoops and cheers that exploded around him, but he couldn’t take his eyes off of Eddie’s face.

“Eddie,” Richie said again, willing Eddie to smile.

Eddie’s responding grin was absolutely enormous.

“I’m happy, Richie,” he replied, “I am so fucking happy.”

When Richie closed his eyes, he could see reflections in front of his eyelids - of Ben kneeling down, of the fireworks going off over the castle, of Eddie’s blinding, beautiful smile.

He opened his eyes again.

“Me too, Eds,” he said, taking Eddie’s hand and soaking in the moment. “Me too.”

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