#jeff seagull maybe
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Now I think I should start calling you Jeff...
This is so funny
Jeff and his bike Jeffrey
I have been called much worse things.
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Stupid, silly Namor or Attuma fic ideas. Don’t think too hard about these they’re just funny little ideas. Pls tag me if you write or get inspired by any of these. Like always, there are no rules:
1. The reader is labeled as the village idiot because she likes to sing with her head underwater to "sing to the mermaids". The village ridicules her for it. One day, she is swept out in a riptide, and no one is willing to come to her aid—no one from the village, that is.
2. Reader is full of bad puns and dad jokes, much to the chagrin of Namor/Attuma. "Why are seagulls called seagulls?"
“Stop now.”
“Because if they flew over bays, they'd be bagels! Oh hey, What did one wave say to the other?"
“I swear, if you make one more ocean related pun, I will murder you on this island and tell everyone you died in a shipwreck."
"...well, someone's salty."
3. You put a message in a bottle and set it out to sea in the hopes it’ll reach Namor/Attuma so you can be pen pals. “Oh my god I love you but you’re so stupid.” They say because you have no idea that’s not how mail works.
4. You’re in love with Namor/Attuma, but you’re also obsessed with monsters and cryptids so you keep asking them questions like “Is the Kraken real?? What about 6 headed hydras? Have you seen Nessie?? Are they friendly? Darling tell meeeeeee”
5. Reader does that stupid prank thing where she pretends to do a magic trick with an egg and a bottle of water. She’s like “Ok now look inside” and squeezes the bottle, spraying water in Attuma/Namor’s face and runs away cackling.
6. You introduce Namor/Attuma to a wonderful human invention - Water beds. They are less than amused. Reader, consider your sexy time privileges revoked😑
7. Attuma/Namor trying to teach reader combat and how to fight like a Talokanil but reader keeps making it sexy and Namor/Attuma is like “Ok maybe we should stop. You’re not even listening to me or learning anything properly!” And reader is like “Oh I’m learning all the right techniques perfectly. 😏😘”
8. Those videos from EVNautilus of the people in a submarine coming across a dumbo octopus and a googly eyed stubby squid but instead it’s scientist reader being shown Talokan by Attuma or Namor and fawning over the sea creatures because they’re just little guys. Sweet underwater babies. And reader being like “it’s just a baby can I adopt it pls” 🥺 and Namor or Attuma being like “pay attention. Remember why we’re here.”
9. “Your child brings home a raccoon, mistaking it for a cat and begs to keep it” trope but instead it’s Namor/Attuma and their child has brought home an anglerfish or some other hideous abomination of the sea. It’s surprisingly docile and follows the child around like a pet anyway so can we keep it??? Please father 🥺
10. Namor and Jeff the Land Shark crossover. That’s it. That’s the post. Reader wants to adopt Jeff as their child. He’s just a baby 🥺
11. Peter Pan “They were just having a bit of fun, weren’t you, girls?”
“We were only trying to drown her” Mermaid Lagoon AU
12. “General, I’ve brought the cartographer into the war meeting today. I believe you owe her an apology for ruining all her maps when you stab them to dramatically mark a location.” (What if the “cartographer” is actually Attuma’s small daughter or sister drawing doodles of maps and playing pretend/mirroring what her dad or brother does because she wants to help and it’s all in jest hehe)
13. 2 days ago you went to an animal shelter and adopted the most adorable cat. What you don’t know is, he’s the reincarnation of an Aztec god. Your food offerings are unacceptable and that ugly small box that feels like it’s made from scratchy carpet will not do. No. He’ll be sleeping in your bed with you. Don’t try to lock him out; he’ll just scream and sing the songs of his people until you let him back in. (Or maybe through a magic mishap Namor has been accidentally transformed into a cat. Yeah Namor as a cat AU. I told you these ideas were silly.)
14. “Would you still love me if I was a worm” meme With Namor or Attuma but instead it’s “Would you still love me if I was a sea cucumber” or something ocean related
15. Namor or Attuma are taking their daughter trick or treating this year and ask what she wants to be for Halloween. A superhero, a mermaid, a princess? No. She wants to be a horseshoe crab. Possible Modern AU.
16. Reader goes to the beach often and befriends the seagulls/pelicans. So they start to bring her gifts like shells, rocks, etc. Except one day they bring you a golden bracelet, beaded necklace, or jade earrings (your choice of which). It’s unlike anything you’ve ever seen before. A few days later, Namor shows up at the beach, looking very annoyed as he asks for his necklace/bracelet/or earrings back.
17. You and Namor or Attuma meet on the beach in your special spot. You don’t get to be with him often considering he’s kept away by his responsibilities and loyalty to Talokan, and you’re human. It’s usually your only chance to have time where you can just quietly love each other. Except a stupid fucking seagull or pelican has been following you to both the beach and your home; squawking incessantly, wreaking havoc and basically cockblocking you. Untitled Goose Game AU but it’s a seagull/pelican.
#namor x reader#attuma x reader#namor imagine#namor x you#namor x y/n#namor fic#don’t examine these too closely#Dumb thoughts and ideas for silly time#sort of crack!fic ideas if you will#fic ideas
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Just finished running a truly unhinged pirate-themed dnd oneshot (maybe the most unhinged I've ever done, which is saying something for me) for @knowlesian, @chuplayswithfire, and @epersonae and it was one of my favorite sessions I've ever run. It featured shrooms, a communist seagull, ghost gameshow host Jeff Goldblum, a character fucking the sea, another character seducing 5 apparitions of Edward Teach wearing different wigs, pissing off a tree, and so much more, all ending with the party finding a Deck of Many Things and pulling like 8 cards. Truly I will never get over this hahahaha
OH MY GOD EDIT BC I FORGOT TO TAG MY LOVE @swanofmischief
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||The Pastas At The Beach||
this was originally like an entirely different post but ehhh this ways better!
disclaimer Im setting this like, at a beach with a boardwalk and such next too it? Public beach, small time vacationing!
and that they conviently like..pass as human
I hope you guys enjoy!! remember too check out my announcement board!
taglist: @frozensriracha @creepy-bi-day @capricornartistsstuff @krayolacolor
Jeff the Killer
Jeff doesn't really do much at the beach
The salt water irritates his skin and he burns easily, doesn't want too deal with it
Spends most of his time asleep
Hogs all the damn towels by sprawling out all over all of them
Gets sand over everything that they brought with them
Forgets how wind works and it gets everywhere
When its time for some of em too go get food, he always fucking goes
Wants too walk around and do something, and maybe not get blamed for all the fucking sand when everyone sits back down
He wears one of those like protective long sleeved shirts? and red swim trunks that are just somewhat obnoxiously bright
While getting the food he has a brilliant idea
Befriends the fucking seagulls
Lures them back too their umbrellas and just vibes with his bird army
atleast he's not alone anymore?
Ben Drowned
first off I know like he doesn't go swimming
but imagine if he did
his fucking goggles get filled up with blood
gets weird ass tan lines from the blood on his face like, when he's not swimming
has too wear the goggles when he puts on sunscreen-
ok ok thats it
fucker wears like mountain dew swim trunks
and those arm floatie things despite not going anywhere near the water
He tries too sit around Jeff but that gets boring fast-
Just walks the fuck off without telling anyone, on a journey for adventure
Will spend literal hours sitting underneath the boardwalk until someone finds him
After that they get him like one of thise beach toy kit things
Sally's nice enough too fill the bucket with water too, so they can make sand castles and stuff
She walks along the shore line with him, gets pretty shells too
Also if Ben were too go in the water
He's a fucking shark magnet with all that blood-
But don't tell him that, he won't come back too the beach
Ticci Toby
Toby is very excited too go to the beach
He didn't get out much as a kid
Siked as hell too get in the water
Drops his stuff off as soon as possible and runs right into the water
And thats when he realizes he can't fucking swim
Awkwardly flaps his arms around until a wave moves him along too back where he can stand
Everyones kinda confused when he comes back like "?? You were so excited, what happened?"
"I can't swim :(("
Cody volunteers to teach him right away, like the great brother he is
The thing is Cody is a horrible fucking teacher
Another few minutes of Toby getting owned by some waves and Cody just screaming stuff like
"Use your arms Toby- no not like that how I showed you- no I'm not going too help how are you supposed to learn-"
That's when Kate drags him back too shore and Doby and Brian teach him instead
In a bit he learns and ends up having a lot of fun
I feel like Toby would really like boogie boarding?
A lot easier then surfing but still a good time
Also they have too tie a red scarf around his arm so they don't loose his ass in a crowd, or in the water
Third Base
so far, Doby's the only one on this list who actually came prepared
I feel like he'd use one of those face lotions that has SPF 30 in it already?
Smart enough so he doesn't have too smear sun screen around his face, can just use the spray stuff and get going
Also has shoes and sunglasses too go with each like swimsuit/outfit he brings
Mans is put together
Really likes collecting shells and stuff
Walks with Sally, shows her how too find them
Wakes up kinda early as it is? So its easy for him too go too the beach early and find the shells before the tide pulls them back out
It's one of his favorite times, actually
The suns just rising, a few shops are opening, only a handful of people are on the beach
Does it everyday as his "alone time" before everyone else wakes up
Spends most of his time with everyone kinda relaxing?
I can see him really liking those beach volleyball games
Or just playing frizbee in the shallow water!
Really, really enjoys making sand castles
Builds a moat and everything so it stays up when the waves start coming closer
X-Virus
Cody, another kid who never got much beach expierence
But acts like he did
Buys one of those waterproof, phone lanyard things
Forgets too fucking close it properly
Doesn't have the first idea of what seagulls are like
"Oh come on buys its fine-" gets fucking owned for his cheesestick
Lowkey scared of them after that
Refuses too eat on the beach after that
Sits with ben under the board walk and curls around his chips
Spends most of his time in the water
Wants too see how far he can go before the lifegaurd calls him back
Finds it funny as shit too just slowly go deeper while grinning at them
Until a wave slaps him in the back of the head
And then he gets scared of the deepwater too
After he looses Swimming Coach privellages gets really fucking salty and sulks on the beach
Kate takes pity on him and walks around the boardwalk with him
But he also didn't know you have too reapply sunscreen after you go swimming
Gets really really bad sunburn
Jeff, Ben and Toby take turns slapping it whenever he gets too cocky
Masky
This is gonna be a Dad Tim one, fight me
Really has no idea what the fuck is going on, but still manages too keep everyone together?
Tells the same story, atleast twice a day, about the killer wave that almost took his shorts off
Gets in fights with seagulls whenever they get realitively close too the group
Also buys one of those crappy beach wagon things too put their stuff in
Buys a mug and cheesy beer koozie
Doesn't enjoy the beach that much but gets excited too go?
Ends up sitting down for most of the time unless he gets dragged on walks
Might just kinda walk until the water is at his knees and just kinda stand there, and nod a little
Giving mother nature his approval
He takes Sally out and holds onto her stomach, lifts her up over the waves whenever they come
Asks her what she can see, before he drops her back down
Tries it with Ben, gets kicked in the gut-
Favorite time is when it's dark and they go
Not for a long time, just a few minutes too walk along the shore before it gets dark
Hoodie
Designated photographer
Is supposed too be taking photos but mostly gets footage of the stupid shit that happens
Like Jeff not being able too figure out the dishwasher or Clockwork wrestling with her dresser where only half the drawers worked
Just kinda sits back and watches things go up in flames
He's the designated like playlist guy too?
On the drive over, whenever he got bored just
"Hey what song should I play?"
And watches chaos ensue
His vacation is watching everyone else have a bad time
Makes up for it though, saves them a shit ton of money by making dinner every night.
I feel like he genuinely enjoys late nights on the beach, like Tim
Gets some beautiful photos of the water, and people taking walks that he's pretty damn proud of
Maybe once or twice he'll join Doby for a walk too get pictures of the rising sun
Likes getting small things from the gift shops
Shark teeth, maybe a cheesy snowglobe
Something silly but nice too remember the trip by
Eyeless Jack
first things first, ya know those double-lens glasses?
Like you flip up the sunglass part and theres normal lenses underneath?
Someone gave him those
But their are crappy eyes painted on the normal lenses
He's very confused but its just ridiculous enough for him too like
The beach isn't his favorite place, I HC him as nocturnal and most things are open during the day
He takes too the rides and crappy carnival games that are open late at night
He can't see everything super well but makes up fun things for himself
Enjoys going on rollercoasters that he has no idea what the hell the drops look like
Fucking hates bumper cars
Can't tell where everyone's coming from or when
More nerve racking then fun
Whenever they go to the beach beach he just kind of chills
Akwardly curls up on a towel because he's big as shit
Where ever they stay he walks around, uses his echo location shit too find out all its quirks
"This walls more hallow then that one- those support beams in the lobby are doing a very shitty job of keep things together"
Loves sitting out on the balcony and just smelling the salt air, listening too people laughing and the ocean waves
Just the small details a lot of people miss
#Jeff the killer#jeff the killer headcanons#ben drowned#ben drowned heacanons#ticci toby#ticci toby headcanons#third base#third base head canons#doby doggers#x virus#x virus headcanons#masky#masky headcanons#hoddie#hoodie#hoodie headcanons#eyeless jack#eyeless jack headcanons#creepypasta#creepypasta headcanons#slenderverse#slenderverse headcanons
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Can you do a newtmas oneshot based off golden by Harry Styles?
(This takes place post Scorch Trials(movie) and pre Death Cure (movie). Also, headcannon that Thomas is pansexual cause I've always felt like he wasn't just attracted to girls and I need more pan rep. The rest of the favorite song writing prompts will come at some point next week for sure, I'm tagging @perseusjaxon cause this is the first Newtmas I'm writing and I feel like they would be proud of me and how far I've come)
•••
I'm out of my head and I know that you're scared because hearts gets broken. -Harry Styles, Golden.
Thomas quietly rolled away from Ares and stepped over Frypan. Everyone was fast asleep but his head was still turning. Pounding. He couldn't stop thinking about how fast everything happened. WCKD coming in, and taking Minho with them.
And god, Teresa. His stomach churned just thinking about the look in her eyes as she stood in the helicopter with Ava Paige, knowing the damage she caused to him and to everyone else. He trusted her with everything; his thoughts, his feelings...And she stabbed him in the back.
He stepped away from the docks, from everyone sleeping and into the common area before sitting in the grass. He just needed a second. 'I just need a second to breathe. To zone out. To stop thinking about Teresa.'
He tried the technique one of the Gladers gave him so long ago, he couldn't remember if it was Jeff or Alby, to think about a fake scenario to bring yourself out of your current scenario even just for a moment of peace.
'Okay, the beach. Waves against my legs, the salty air in my face, scratchy sand in my clothes, seagulls being annoying as all hell...I turn around and see...her. Her hair, her eyes...'
'Thomas...,I'm sorry. I had to do it.'
"Thomas?" Newt's voice called out to him, both startling him and making him slightly flustered. "You alright?"
"Yeah, I just... " He trailed off for a moment, looking at the moon above the water. "Can't sleep. What are you doing?"
"Same as you." Newt offered as explanation before sitting on the grass beside him, looking at the skyline. "We didn't have stars in the Glade. Makes you really look at everything in perspective."
Thomas nodded, feeling as if there was a frog in his throat. The feelings he had felt for Teresa in the Glade, and for Brenda in the Scorch...He was now feeling those feelings for Newt; and maybe they had been there longer, but with everything that had happened, they were only coming to fruition now in the dark, their faces only being lit up by the night sky.
"You miss her, don't you?" Newt asked with sympathy in his voice, because Thomas knew that he knew. They all did, he sucked at hiding it.
"Yeah, I do. But it's confusing." Thomas started, and before he could stop himself, he was pouring himself onto Newt, just like he had with Teresa. "I know, that in the Glade...I loved her. I think I was in love with her. And then everything in the Scorch happened, and Brenda and I bonded and I fell in love with her while feeling Teresa pull away, and now I...I want her back, but not as a girlfriend. I don't think of either of them that way anymore."
"Is there a reason why?"
"Stress, for one." Thomas spoke softly, remembering the absolute storm of a fight he and Brenda had before she suggested they break it off for awhile, but she also knew. He had confided in her shortly afterwards that he had feelings again, but for someone else. "There's also someone else. Someone else that I think I'm falling in love with."
"Who?" He asked, and Thomas couldn't stop himself as he inhaled deeply while putting his hand softly on top of Newt's before looking him in the eyes and seeing the realization hit his best friend.
"I'm scared, Newt. I don't know if I'm strong enough to fall again, but I don't know if I'm strong enough to be away from you either. And I understand if you like someone else or just don't like me-" before Thomas could continue rambling, Newt put a hand on Thomas' face and pressed his lips against his, sending fireworks down his spine and butterflies through his body.
When Newt pulled away after a minute, he had a look in his eyes. Full of hope with a small amount of smirking as well. "I should've asked first. But, Thomas?" When Thomas locked eyes with Newt, he heard the words he didn't know he needed to hear. "I'd never hurt you like that."
Thomas leaned forward, and pressed his lips back against Newt's, feeling him smile against it.
And he knew that Newt could feel it too.
#tmr#the maze runner#newtmas#thomas#newt#thomas is pan change my mind#dylan o'brien#thomas sangster#thomas brodie-sangster#mythical-syurp#thanks for asking!#favorite song writing game
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- once upon a december ( 𝐄.𝐕. )
anastasia!au. 1900s!au. after [y/n]’s narrow escape from the alexander palace, she lost most, if not all, memory of her childhood, only remembering the tiny details that would help her later on in life. this is the first part of a duology.
THIS FIC CONTAINS a generalized russian accent; this story is both of my own creation and inspirations (listed below); mentions of death.
A/N - layout by @adoresobs!
INSPIRATIONS - @zodiyack ‘s princess. anastasia (1997).
TRANSLATIONS -
бабушка! Помоги мне! не оставляй меня здесь!! (babushka! pomogi mne! ne ostavlyay menya zdes'!) - grandmother! help me! don't leave me here!
медвежонок! я не могу с тобой связаться! (medvezhonok! ya ne mogu svyazat'sya s vami!) - little bear! i can't reach you!
пожалуйста, не оставляй меня здесь одну! (pozhaluysta, ne ostavlyay menya zdes' odnu!) - please don't leave me here alone!
медвежонок! (medvezhonok!) - little bear!
мой медвежонок? это правда ты? (moy malen'kiy medved'? rto pravda ty?) - my little bear? is that really you?
[y/n/n] didn’t recall much from her life. at night, she would lay in her small cot in the orphanage she’s been in since as long as she could remember (literally), and just think back on her life, index finger tapping on the hand that was folded on her stomach, foot twitching as a cold breeze blew through the room. nobody knew anything on where or when she was born but generalized where she was from by her accent. her w’s turned to v’s, rolling her r’s whenever it was not necessary, and her th’s turned to either t’s or z’s. given by this, the overseer at the orphanage decided to call her the “little russian”. she gave her a fake birthday and age and decided that it was good enough. on some of the nights, she cried, not being able to see any familiar faces that she has possibly seen before coming to the orphanage, chest heaving as anxiety coursed through her veins, freezing her to her bed.
she’d go to sleep, head pounding, temples wet, curling into her body like she was hugging herself. her fingers cradled the necklace around her neck, the small disk engraved with together in london. during these moments, bright blue eyes would appear into her memory, a boy with dark hair and pale skin smiling up at her, and every time she tried to reach him, he would disappear into oblivion. she later learned to just stay put, watching them from a distance away. these dreams would seem so short, but when she would wake, the sun was already peeking through the windows, the lace curtains not stopping the harsh rays from reaching [y/n/n]’s eyes.
she hated waking up. hated the fact that those blue eyes she’s fallen in love with would vanish when she opened her eyes again to meet the brand-new day. her eighteenth birthday was coming up, and with that meant that she would have to leave the orphanage for good. she would miss little natalie, who hugged [y/n/n]’s legs every time she got scared, who would run into her arms and hug her as tightly as she could every time she saw the older female.
stepping foot into the snow, [y/n/n] breathed in the chicago air, which would get quite disgusting (according to [y/n/n]) during certain days, and she avoided all of the areas that would get especially rough. she walked, cheeks bitten with cold, breath coming out in little clouds in front of her mouth, arms hugging around her as she set her eyes on the city. she had to get a job, she knew it, despite not have worked a paying day in her life. she could get a cleaning job, maybe, since she was basically in charge of cleaning the entire orphanage as the younger kids played around. the older males would just sit around and talk, pretending that they were full grown men in a country club, apple juice taking the place of actual whisky. they never paid attention to [y/n/n] as she scrubbed the floor with a soapy rag, knees aching after having spent a few hours on them, making sure all of the mud and dirt was gone, a thing of the past.
she didn’t care if she had to stay on her knees again, just as long as she had enough money for food and an apartment. maybe she could live in a settlement house, where the progressive women opened their doors to immigrants and people in need.
“mrs. mcdowell, I’m back,” the young adult stepped foot into the house, taking off the small bonnet from her gibson bun, sweeping back a few of the tendrils of hair behind her ear. she put up her bonnet on the coat rack, feeling the overwhelming sense to take off her corset and lay in bed, but her grumbling stomach protested, asking for food aggresively as her feet carried her into the dining room/kitchen area.
“i made some glazed ham, carrots, mashed potatoes, and some bread rolls if you want any,” the older woman ladeled a heaping scoop of said things into a china plate, picking up the silver platter mountained with yeast rolls. "i’ll pour you some whiskey,” she settled everything down and busied herself with taking the cork out of the clear ornate bottle she always poured her bought alcohol into, left hand carrying a small lowball glass.
“i’m too young, mrs. mcdowell,” [y/n/n] objected, taking off her white apron and settling it on the back of her chair. the other woman held up a finger, wagging it from side to side as she moved to put the whiskey down, the brown alcoholic liquid sloshing inside of the lowball glass. “you work too hard, child, you deserve one glass before bed,” she remarked. “and i’ve told you to call me marie when we first met, did i not?” she raised an eyebrow as she set the alcohol down in front of [y/n/n].
“you did,” [y/n/n] nodded, picking up her fork and began digging in, eating as fast as she could in order to get to bed quicker and see those blue eyes again.
lately [y/n/n]’s dreams have become a bit more vivid, making her see images of fire and a large train driving away, picking up speed as a little girl screamed, “бабушка! Помоги мне! не оставляй меня здесь!” a small hand shot out, dainty fingers reaching for the mature hand that had stuck out from the back of the train, “медвежонок! я не могу с тобой связаться!” with this indicator, the young girl’s leg ran faster, heart beating against her chest as she tried to reach the woman with the white hair.
“пожалуйста, не оставляй меня здесь одну!“ the girl cried, and their fingertips touched, the older woman’s lithe fingers wrapping around the girl’s wrist, but a rough bump on the track caused them to slip, the bairn flying back and hitting her head on the pavement. her eyes closed, pain exploding on the back of her head, breaths shallow.
“медвежонок!”
[y/n/n] woke up with a sharp breath, a cold sweat lining her body as she panted, and she sighed, pressing the heels of her hands into her eyes. she hated that dream. hated seeing the grandmother’s face of anguish, hated seeing the fires blossoming everywhere, and especially hated the young girl’s cries for help. she must have been very important if she was scared to be in a place like that.
“next!” a man by the name of stone gossard yelled out, eyebrows furrowed as he shook his head, taking notes on the pad of paper he brought. “next!” came in a girl with [y/h/c] hair, wearing a white lace dress with fur lining, a part that kept her neck and wrists warm in the cold winter air outside. she carried a broom in hand, “i’m sorry, sir, but no one is out there anymore. that seemed to be the last one.”
stone’s furrowed eyebrows deepened, picking up the photograph of grand duchess [y/n] romanov, and realizing that they looked very similar. she would be the perfect bait for that $15,000 the dowager empress marie was willing to give to the person who found her last granddaughter first. stone thumped his fist on the table, causing [y/n/n] to jump in the air. “how would you like to be [y/n] romanov for a while?” he smirked at her. “i’ll give you half the profits.”
“how much is the profits?”
“$15,000, and. . . from what i see you doing, you are not of high standing and could use some money.”
[y/n/n] looked at the floor, calculating how much half would be. $7,500 would still be a lot of money, she thought. she could use it for a new house, a new car maybe.
“alright, i’ll be your grand duchess for a while,” she smiled at him.
[y/n/n] looked out of the ship’s window, head resting on her hand, watching seagulls fly and people walk past. she didn't want to leave her dorm, feeling a little sick at the moment, but she was bored out of her mind. the book she brought with her was already read twice, and the other form of entertainment was music, but the dining hall was closed until dinnertime. “dowager empress marie is currently in london,” stone had informed her when he asked her to pack. a few days had passed since that interactive, they boarded on a boat from ellis island in new york and were now on their way to london.
[y/n/n]’s dreams have taken a toll on her, the young girl no longer wanting to see the fires and the woman that struck a chord on nostalgia in her heart. but why did she feel like she remembered that place despite her not remembering what seemed like half of her own life?
the two of them met jeff ament, someone who used to be in the russian court, and during their travel, jeff made [y/n/n] study everything she could on the romanov family if she were to fool marie. it was everywhere, so many names and faces to remember, but she knew she had to do it.
“shoulders back and stand up tall,” he scrutinized her way of standing. “and do not walk but try to float.” he gave her an encouraging smile, lending her a gentle hand as he helped her sit like a royal. “now, elbows in and sit up straight. and never slurp your stroganoff.”
“i never cared for stroganoff,” [y/n/n] said delicately, making jeff smile widely.
“spoken like a true romanov.”
“now here we have kropotkin, who shot potemkin in the botkin,” jeff pointed at two faces in the book he held. “and dear old uncle vanya loved his vodka,” another face. “got it, [y/n/n]?”
“no!”
“the baron pushkin, he was short. count anatoly had a wart. count sergei
wore a feathered hat.”
“i heard he’s gotten very fat,” stone added.
“and i recall his yellow cat,” [y/n/n] got excited, pointing a finger in the air, smiling as jeff rose an eyebrow at stone.
“i don’t believe we told her that.”
stone shook his head in disbelief, eyes wide as they looked back on [y/n/n], who was merely looking at all of the photos, mumbling to herself, trying to remember all the names and important events they were involved in.
five days later, the boat landed in england, [y/n/n] breathing a sigh of relief when her feet touched dry land again. stone grabbed her hand and led her through the crowd, muttering something about meeting up with a man named edward vedder (preferred to be called eddie), who was close to [y/n] before the revolution happened. since the day of her family’s demise, he has been searching far and wide for the last grandduchess, the love he held for her still unbreakable despite it being almost 12 years since they last heard of her.
[y/n/n] shook her leg in the car as stone drove down a narrow road, men in clean business suits and women in colorful dresses passing by them, head resting against the window. “how much longer until we get there?”
“however long it takes,” stone grumbled, tapping the wheel with a finger, breathing deeply as the scenery changed. “he’s already in marie’s house, we’ll meet him there, and you just answer marie’s maid’s questions as truthfully as you can. is that simple enough?”
[y/n/n] nodded her head quickly, remembering the crash course he and jeff gave her. her heart beating quickly in her chest, anxiety coursing through her veins, but she cleared her throat and opened the car door, breathing in the scent of roses that were planted in the garden in front of the house. the necklace around her neck felt heavy for the first time in years, and she and stone walked up the large steps to the door. “what if i fail?” she asked him.
“then we don’t get the profits,” he knocked on the door, the sound of shuffling coming from the inside.
“coming!” a female voice calling out from the inside. [y/n/n] crossed her arms, waiting patiently as the lock turned, opening to reveal a plump blonde woman, possibly in her late fifties, beaming up at them brilliantly. “we’re here to see dowager empress marie,” stone informed her. "i believe i’ve found [y/n] romanov.”
“her highness does not want to see any more people, but i’ll see what I can do,” the woman said. “come in,” she moved out of the way, the two young adults stepping in the amazingly furnished home. a man with dark brown hair and brilliant blue eyes looked up from his spot on the couch, and the sight of him caused [y/n/n] to gasp. it looked like the man from her dreams. were her dreams premonitions? did they tell her of who she was going to meet or had already met? but brown hair and blue eyes were common traits, so she just shook her head and tried to take him out of her mind. why did he feel so familiar though? “sir,” the woman, who had introduced herself as ethel, said, “if you would please take a seat. i’ll be interviewing [y/n/n] alone in the other room.” stone nodded and sat down, ethel taking [y/n/n]’s hand in hers and leading her into another sitting room.
eddie’s head perked up at the sound of the girl’s name, since it sounded a lot like a nickname for [y/n]. But [y/n] was said to be dead, though marie and eddie didn’t want to believe it. they were the ones who tried to help her escape, after all. but. . . the key word was tried.
“alright,” ethel’s motherly tone resonated from out of the room, “ [y/n/n], meet dowager empress marie feodorovna, mother of tsar nicholas ii. your grace, mr. stone gossard believes her to be grand duchess [y/n] romanov.”
marie looks at her, a hard expression on her face, looking at her from the tips of her toes to the small stray hairs on her head. “you certainly look like my little bear,” she comments. “but are you really my little bear?” she raises an eyebrow at her. “sit.” [y/n/n] moves to sit in the large armchair need the fireplace, marie sitting across from her.
outside, eddie listened to the conversation going inside the room, straining his ears to hear everything. “where were you born?” marie asked the female in front of her.
“peterhof, russia.”
“when were you born?”
“june 18, 1901. i am currently 19 years of age.”
“what was your favorite thing to do when you were younger?”
“pull pranks on the household staff,” she remembered short tidbits as this queenly woman quizzed her. “i used to kick and scratch at my playmates, too. because of this, I was called imp by father.”
“did you have any pets?”
“we all did, but mine was jimmy, a cavalier king charles spaniel. he was killed in a fire,” tears flooded her eyes.
“what was your favorite subject in school?”
“i hated school,” she shook her head. “i would always try to bribe my tutors into giving me good grades. it didn’t work most of the time.”
it was time for the hard question. “how did you escape?” eddie perked up, pressing an ear to the door, wanting to hear what this girl said.
“i don’t. . .” [y/n/n] shook her head. “i. . .” she cuts herself short, furrowing her eyebrows as she looked down at her hands, neatly folded on her lap. “the wall in the palace moved. there was a young boy with brown hair and bright blue eyes. his name. . . it started with an e. . .” all this information came pouring out of her, and she wondered how she was remembering all of this now. “but he was my best friend. he didn’t care if i kicked him or scratched him, and he told me he loved me the same day we were escaping. and then, i remember an older woman, holding out her hand for me from the back of a train. she kept yelling that she couldn’t reach me, and i kept begging her not to leave me alone. and everything went black. that’s all i remember, i’m sorry.” she looked up to see the empress staring straight at her, tears in her eyes, flooding them as her chin trembled.
“[y/n]?” marie breathed out. “мой медвежонок? это правда ты?”
all of her childhood memories came rushing back, the warmth of her grandmother’s touch, the scent of the cologne her father always wore, her mother’s hair tickling her cheek whenever she hugged her. everything. “it’s really me, baba,” she nodded, sobbing as marie hugged her tightly, crying everything she has been meaning to cry for all these years. she remembered seeing her family being killed in front of her, seeing the blood seeping out from the bullet wounds from the back of their heads, the adrenaline she felt when she fled the scene, angry men cursing at her.
“i’ve waited for so long!”
TAGLIST:
@stateofloveandvedder @state-of-love-and-lust @honeysympathy @grossgold @sea-sxns @d-arknecessities
#eddie vedder#olivia vedder#ed vedder#harper vedder#eddie vedder imagine#eddie vedder x reader#pearl jam imagine#Pearl Jam#anastasia au#alternate universe#1900s au#historical imagine#historical au#historical fiction au#historical fiction imagine
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I Can't Lose You // Part 2
David was furious. He could no longer handle what he had been witnessing for the past hour. Jeff had been sitting way to close to Natalie for David's liking and whispering nothings making his 'assistant' laugh her heart out. She was smiling at him the way she had never smiled at him! David wanted Natalie's heart eyes only for him and not for some other man.
Oh man, David realised, he was so fucked. He never got this jealous over some girl. But this wasn't some girl, this was his Natalie. David took a breath and looked at Natalie. When was it that she became more than an assistant? More than his best friend?
Was it when se was there with him till 4 am when he edited his vlogs or when she was running him errands while being jet lag? When did her long stories sound like sweet harmonies to him? Fuck, out of all the people he could fall in love with, he fell for his freaking best friend.
After a restless night of Natalie tossing around her bed, today was shooting day and Natalie had a lot on her plate for the day. Nick, the science guy, was going to arrive any moment and they had to carry out this made-for-YouTube science experiment. While Natalie sorted David's flights for the next week's show in statten Island, Jeff came and sat next to her on the comfortable white sofa.
"Hey, Nat. Watcha doing?"
"Hi, Jeff. I'm just doing the usual 'assistant' stuff. David has this show in a Statten Island college next week so I'm just booking flight tickets." said Natalie, while quickly tapping away on her Macbook Air.
"Statten Island, eh? You know who's from there? Me." said Jeff, pointing to himself, "which means I'm half seagull and half garbage"
A laughter escaped Natalie and filled the living room of David's house. It quickly caught David's attention. Natalie couldn't escape his gaze and both were caught in an unspoken moment. Natalie was the first one to break away from David's gaze, remember what he had said last night to Jason. He had basically called her boring and thought that no guy would ever kiss her. How could she let herself develop feelings for a guy who thought she wasn't exciting enough for him? Damn, Natalie.
"Nat!"
"Hmm, David?"
"Let's go" said David as he picked up the keys for his ferrari.
" But where? Isn't Nick coming over? What about the science experiment?" said a puzzled Natalie.
"Change of plans, he texted me a list of stuff we need so gotta go to nearby home depot" lyingly said David, he just wanted to be alone with Natalie. She he hadn't talked to him much since yesterday night. He thought that maybe she was sick and tired after a long day but today seeing her laugh with Jeff with no worries on her face, he couldn't stomach the fact that she was sick last night. Had he done something to upset her?
"But I brought everything he texted me, I don't think I have missed anything" said even more confused Natalie.
" Oh, yeah you bought stuff for other experiment. I just talked to him 5 minutes ago and we decided on doing this experiment which could possibly break the Guinness World Records, so we gotta bring some more containers and he'll probably bring other chemicals " said David, quickly coming up with a theory to support his earlier lie.
" okay, let me grab my purse and glasses"
Natalie left the room and heard Jeff say
"So why do you need your ferrari to go to a store? Isn't that what you call a 'perfect - for- date' car?"
"Ah, dude nothing like that. Just felt the need for speed" David said jokingly, while making finger guns at Jeff.
Before Jeff could grill David anymore, Natalie reentered the room with her hands full of stuff.
Both buckled in, silence surrounded David and Natalie. Natalie's mood had become sour soon after hearing David's comment about 'need for speed'. Why God, why did she ever develop feelings for this idiot who thought of her nothing more than a friend?
"So, you and Jeff seemed quite cozy this morning on the couch" David said breaking the silence, his grip around the wheel suddenly tightened. He couldn't even confront her without getting angry.
"What are you trying to say Dave?"
" I don't know, should I know if you're having an affair with one of my friends? I mean I AM your boss and would not be pleased with that" said David with his jaw muscles clenched.
"WHAT? what the fuck dave? Are you implying that I'm having an 'affair' with Jeff? Since you're my 'boss', please enlighten me how you came to this conclusion?" shouted an angry Natalie. She couldn't believe what she was hearing, an affair? With JEFF?
" There is no need to shout at me. I'm saying what I saw. You were clearly enjoying talking to him evident from your loud af laughter!"
"Excuse me, wait a fucking minute. Am I not allowed to laugh in your house?!"
" No, laugh as much as you want to but what you're not allowed to do is waste my time. You're supposed to be my assistant and not some social butterfly who needs to speak to each of my friends when they come to the house!"
After uttering those words did he realise what he had done, he had just accused Natalie of being 'useless'.
Meanwhile, out of anger, David's foot hit the gas. Now they were going at a speed which was suitable for a racing ground not streets of L. A.
"DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE! I do ALL the work I'm supposed to day as your fucking assistant. Never have I ever said no to your menial tasks or shooting idiotic vlog bit. And here is what I get for doing all that, being accused of being a useless assistant!" Natalie could feel tears brimming, anger did that to her. But she felt more than anger, she felt hurt.
" I can't believe this, earlier you calling me boring and now this, fucking useless. What do you think I am? A ragdoll? Do I not deserve an ounce of your respect, if not as an assistant then as a friend?" a tear tricked down her cheek.
Before David could say anything, everything went black.
#david dobrik#davidsvlogs#david x natalie#datalie#bestfriend#sad one sided love#love story#love#zane hijazi#liza koshy#natalie mariduena#natalie noel#carly and erin#jeff whitek#yotuube#yotube
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🍩 shared between Ula and Atlas X3
A donut from a donut shop
“Auntie! I want that one!”
“No, I want that one!”
“Guys, there’s more than one. You can each have one, and we can even buy some when we exit the park.
“Yay!”
Autumn had finally arrived meaning that certain things had now arrived. One of these, was Ula’s birthday, the self proclaimed spookiest birthday of them all.
This year, once again, she had decided she wanted a halloween horror birthday.
“Ama, which one are you going to want?” asked Ula’s dad who of course also came alone, the infant siblings having been left to stay with their grandparents so the amusement park would not overwhelm them.
“Hmmm, that one!” Ama pointed at a treat placed on one of the rotating displays.
“Can I have two of those as well please?” Jelly asked the employee who placed the treats into a box that contained previously chosen ones. “Atlas, what doughnut do you want honey?”
“Um…”
Before entering the amusement park, the family decided to visit Voodoo Doughnut.
“I say you try voodoo bubble, or the voodoo doll one!” exclaimed the birthday girl, looking at all the possibilities she could order. “Or maybe…”
“How about that one?” Atlas pointed at a doughnut that was covered in cereal. “Is that one good?”
“I actually haven’t tasted that one yet.” Ula tapped her chin. “Maybe you can try it out, my mom’s buying two for each one of us for now.”
“Well, I’ll take one of those then.” Atlas slightly nodded before turning to Ula. “Are you also gonna get one?”
“Nah. If I don’t like it, I won’t finish it and I don’t want to waste my mom’s money like that.” Ula shrugged. “Now come on, pick your other doughnut!”
_____________
“So, is it good?”
Now that all the morning doughnuts had been purchased, the group sat down at one of the tables outside of the small donut shop.
Atlas was seated beside Ula who watched him eat his new treat, stopping with his mouth full.
“Hm?”
“I asked if the doughnut’s good.” Ula giggled to herself before a piece of her treat into her mouth.
“Do you wanna try it?” Atlas offered his doughnut over to Ula who blinked in surprise.
“Oh no, that’s your doughnut.”
“But you didn’t get any for yourself, and it’s your birthday.”
“Nah, I’m okay. I have some gummies to keep me going for now.” Ula waved a hand in reassurance. “I just wanna know if the doughnut’s good or not.”
“It is.” Atlas nodded before tearing a piece of his doughnut, once again offering it to Ula. “You should try it.”
“Atlas.”
“You’ll like it.”
“It’s yours. I can ask my mom to buy me one.”
“You said you didn’t want it just in case you didn’t like it.” Atlas made a face at Ula who gave a bit of a pout, this prompting him to wave around the doughnut piece. “It’s really good.”
“Fine.” Ula huffed, finally reaching out to grab the piece but was surprised when the piece disappeared all of a sudden.
“You were too late.” sounded another voice, making Ula and Atlas turn to see Bubbles casually enjoying the swiped away piece. “Can I have another one for Jeffy?”
“No!” Ula exclaimed, even going as far as placing herself between her cousin and friend to shield Atlas’ doughnut. “Shoo! Shoo!”
“Don’t talk to me like I’m a seagull!”
“Girls!” Jelly’s voice sternly spoke to them, making the two glare at each other before Bubbles finally went back to sit with her twin.
“Well, there’s only one piece left.” Atlas looked down at what was left of his doughnut. “You can have it.”
“You sure?” Ula tilted her head before seeing Atlas nod. “Okay.”
She then took the piece from his hand, soon enough eating it and...smiling widely.
Somehow, this made Atlas grin as he saw a familiar twinkle in her eyes.
“That was good!” she exclaimed, then reaching over to grab the doughnut box before opening it and reaching inside. “Here.”
“Hm?”
“Here, take this doughnut.”
“I thought you didn’t get one.”
“I didn’t, but my mom knows Jeff and Bubbles too well.” Ula smiled at Atlas.
“I can’t I already ate a whole doughnut.”
“No you didn’t.” Ula giggled, then splitting the doughnut in half before offering one piece to Atlas. “Come on, doughnuts are best when they’re shared.”
“Well,” Atlas now smiled as he took his piece. “I guess you’re right.”
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What’s Out This Week? 10/30
With Halloween approaching, do you need a comic to read while you’re waiting on trick-or-treaters to ring your doorbell? Or maybe some costume inspiration? There’s some awesome comics out this week that might pique your interest!
Basketful of Heads #1 - Joe Hill, Leomacs, Reiko Murakami
The rain lashes the grassy dunes of Brody Island, and seagulls scream above the bay. A slender figure in a raincoat carries a large wicker basket, which looks like it might be full of melons... covered by a bloodstained scrap of the American flag. This is the story of June Branch, a young woman trapped with four cunning criminals who have snatched her boyfriend for deranged reasons of their own. Now she must fight for her life with the help of an impossible 8th-century Viking axe that can pass through a man's neck in a single swipe-and leave the severed head still conscious and capable of supernatural speech. Each disembodied head has a malevolent story of its own to tell, and it isn't long before June finds herself in a desperate struggle to hack through their lies and manipulations... racing to save the man she loves before time runs out.
Excalibur #1 - Tini Howard, Marcus To, Mahmud Asrar
The Otherworld is rocked by war! It is a new era for mutantkind as a new Captain Britain holds the amulet, fighting for the Kingdom of Avalon with her Excalibur at her side - Rogue, Gambit, Rictor, Jubilee...and Apocalypse. (Rated T+)
Joker Killer Smile #1 - Jeff Lemire, Andrea Sorrentino
Everyone knows The Joker doesn't have the most promising history with psychotherapists. In fact, no one's even been able to diagnose him. But that doesn't matter to the confident, world-beating Dr. Ben Arnell; he's going to be the one to unravel this unknowable mind. There's no way The Joker could ever get through the therapeutic walls Ben has built around himself. Right? There's no way The Joker's been entering his house at night...right? There's no way The Joker has stood over his son's bed, and put that book in his hands, the one with the, the, the...
Last God #1 - Philip Kennedy Johnson, Ricardo Federici & Various, Kai Carpenter
THE LAST GOD tells the story of two fellowships of heroes struggling with the same threat...30 years apart. One group will doom their world, the other must save it. Thirty years ago, a band of heroes traveled beyond the borders of creation and killed the last living god, saving the realm of Cain Anuun from an apocalyptic army of the undead. The legendary companions became the rulers of their world and ushered in a new era of peace and prosperity. But it did not last. Now the foul legions of the Last God march once more, laying waste to all of Cain Anuun and revealing that the aging fellowship may not be the great heroes they claim to be. With the world burning down around them, a new group of unlikely champions must band together and accomplish what no other has done: kill the Last God, once and for all.
Tales from the Dark Multiverse: Death of Superman #1 - Jeff Loveness, Brad Walker, Andrew Hennessy, Lee Weeks
The Dark Multiverse takes on the highest-selling comic book event of all time-the Death of Superman! In a broken world much like our own, Lois Lane, twisted by rage and grief, becomes the Eradicator and takes revenge on those who let Superman die, and the corrupt world he could never defeat. Now, with the power of a god, she's going to end the battle by any means necessary...and the Reign of the Supermen will be over before it begins!
Sandman Universe Special: Hellblazer #1 - Si Spurrier, Marcio Takara, Bilquis Evely
The second year of the Sandman Universe begins with the long-awaited arrival of one of DC's most iconic characters...John Constantine, Hellblazer!
He's cheated death and damnation more times than he can count, but never like this. Long ago, in the crucible of a magical war waged across countless futures, Constantine was murdered by an all-powerful adversary: a twisted version of Timothy Hunter, bloated with evil. But over the past year strange forces have conspired to restart Tim Hunter's tale, and somehow-amid sorcery, insanity and secret agendas-this older, wiser, wilier shade of Constantine has been dragged back with it. Unlike young Tim, John remembers every second of a life that went very, very wrong. Now he must ask himself why he, the last person in the world to deserve a second chance, has been given one. Is John Constantine here to put Tim Hunter on the right track and avert a terrible outcome? Or is it because he's the only person in existence with the guts to do what REALLY must be done? After all, he's a nasty piece of work, chief...ask anybody.
Red Goblin: Red Death #1 - Patrick Gleason & Various, Pete Woods, Philip Tan
In order to finally destroy Spider-Man once and for all Norman Osborn joined himself with the Carnage symbiote, becoming the Red Goblin! Here at last are the untold stories of the Red Goblin's rein of madness and mayhem! So grab your greatest goblin gear and rend your raiments red, for the Red Goblin rides again! (Parental Advisory)
Come pick up one of these issues, or any of the other titles we have in store!
#wotw#what's out this week?#marvel#dc#sandman#comics#red goblin#hellblazer#xmen#x men#superman#joker
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a fic tease: baseball!harry
i’ve been turning this idea over in my brain since july 10, 2016. the first line of that idea was
The team is shit, and Harry Styles is the most attractive piece they have.
jeff was his agent, of course, trying to get harry to cut his hair to look more appealing to the yankees but harry was stubborn. he wanted to stay with oakland and it was his walk year.
but THAT is a different story, i think. i’ve had this story percolating since september 2018 where i declared that i was FINALLY going to write the baseball!harry au and then promptly got sidetracked by the desus teacher au i’m currently publishing. anyway, the pics of harry throwing that ball around in hershey really put it into my head that this idea isn’t COMPLETELY absurd.
write what you know, they say, so of course harry is an oakland athletic. i’ve put links in here if you need more context. i’ll warn you -- i became an oakland fan through the process of reading fic so ... beware. this could be some dangerous stuff.
here’s the first scene of what should be a much longer fic. oh! set in 2018. at least this part is. who knows what’s gonna happen with the rest.
The average baseball game lasts around three hours. And the first nine innings? They’d been fast.
That’s right, first.
One time on the radio Harry’d said to a fellow Englishman, “being a relief pitcher in the American League, I’m never threatened with the prospect of hitting.” The last time he held a bat with the intent to swing was three seasons ago when the whole bullpen had a bet going during batting practice. He’d made weak contact on a couple of pitches and the ball hadn’t left the infield. He’d lost the bet.
But now he’s standing in the on-deck circle in the eighth hour of a baseball game. They’d lost the designated hitter in the thirteenth inning, when Phegley had taken a foul ball off his hand and Lucroy, who’d come in as DH in the ninth, had to take over behind the plate. Harry had pitched the last five outs the night before so he was officially unavailable but even with the expanded bullpen of September, he’d been thrown in for the top of the twenty-third.
It’s an inning and a half later and he finds himself faced with the prospect of hitting. And if he doesn’t manage to get a hit—Laureano stands on second, the lone man who’s played every minute of this game and he’s fast enough to score on anything that gets out of the infield—he’ll have to head back out to the mound for the twenty-fifth.
Twenty-five fucking innings. At least they don’t have to get on a plane after this game. He feels a little bad for the Rangers but they could just roll over and walk in a run if they really wanted to. Their only saving grace was that it had started as a day game. The seagulls had come and gone hours ago.
The first strains of the at-bat music he’d chosen three years ago as a joke and forgotten about pour out from the speakers and Harry has to close his eyes as the three thousand remaining fans all sound like they’ve had a laugh startled out of them. Let’s go, girls!
Roy Steele sounds vaguely disbelieving when he announces him. “Now batting, number forty-eight, pitcher Harry Styles.”
Man! I feel like a woman!
Grimshaw is never going to let him live this down. He’d never told his friend why he’d needed this particular cut of that particular song.
He knows how to look good in the box, at least. This part he’d practiced when he was small, standing in front of the TV watching the tapes his cousin in America sent every year for Christmas. He’d mimic all the batting stances and watched the games over and over again until he had every play memorized. But he doesn’t even get his feet set before the umpire is calling time from the middle of a laugh. It’s Quinn Wolcott, he’d only taken over behind the plate in the thirteenth, when Kellogg took a foul ball off his mask that rang more than his bell and they’d had to rotate in the backup. He’s laughing.
Wolcott whips off his mask and wipes his eyes on his shoulder. “I’m sorry, man, I don’t mean any disrespect, it’s just—”
Harry grins, allowing himself to laugh as well. “Nah, it’s okay, mate. I never thought I’d need it?” he offers as an explanation. “Everyone likes Shania, right?” he nods at Robinson Chirinos, the catcher since the fourteenth. He’s standing with his mask up, staring at him blankly. He spits into the dirt. Or not.
Wolcott gathers himself, finally, and Harry taps the head of his borrowed bat on the plate and raises it up over his shoulder. His approach, which he’d discussed with the hitting coach, is to look like he’s going to swing but then not swing until he’s got two strikes on him. “Maybe he’ll walk you,” Bush had said hopefully. He lets his hands pull through a few inches as the first pitch—a strike—sails over the plate. There’s a smattering of applause from the stands but his teammates are hollering words of encouragement. “Way to take!” and “Thatta baby, you got this!” Harry wiggles his bum at the dugout before taking a step out of the box.
A thought enters his mind as Chirinos tosses the ball back to the pitcher. Chirinos has caught ten inning and his knees aren’t fresh. Everyone’s tired. With one strike on him, Harry makes up his mind.
The second pitch is a big looping curveball that dives into the dirt a foot in front of the plate and gets away from Chirinos. Harry steps back and waves Laureano to third. Chirinos is cursing when he comes up with the ball and jogs out to the mound. Harry steps out of the box, leans the bat up against his crotch, and readjusts the brand new batting gloves he’d been handed when it was clear he’d have to hit. Christenson is feverishly sending signs to him but Harry just shrugs. Melvin had been thrown out in the twentieth and it doesn’t matter what the bench coach is trying to tell him because he's already made up his mind and he's sure there's no one of the field who wants this game to end more than he does. It’s the right call. He stares down the third baseline at Laureano and wills the rookie to read his mind. Bunt bunt bunt.
Wolcott makes a move toward the mound and then Chirinos is jogging back. “Pace of play,” Harry laughs as the catcher settles himself behind the plate and Chirinos spits out some reply Harry can’t make out. Probably rude, but Harry can’t care anymore. The winning run is ninety feet away and he just wants to go home.
The pitcher leans in to read the signs and sets himself to throw.
When it’s over, he’s not really sure the order of events except that Laureano crosses the plate as his own weak ground ball finds its path between the first baseman and the second baseman. Harry stops in his tracks when he hears the fans roar (or what passes for roaring after almost eight hours of baseball) and then the next thing he knows his jersey is being pulled off his body and his teammates are shouting in his face and banging on his (borrowed) batting helmet.
A microphone is shoved in his face and Dallas Braden is asking him how it feels to be the hero of this game and his dazed (does he have a concussion from the helmet-banging?) answer is interrupted with two shaving cream pies to his face and a gatorade cooler of water poured over his head. Seven hours and forty-seven minutes and when he gets into the clubhouse, finally, it’s Shania Twain playing over the speakers.
It’s September 2nd.
#my fic#fic#harry as a baseball player#is that the tag for this?????#i don't remember#please come talk to me about this.#shania twain is involved in this#there's a readmore#but sometimes that doesn't work on mobile so i apologize
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Night Castle
Hi all! I will be posting mini-reviews of my favorite parts from each TSO album! I will go over band personnel, the story, and the music! Please enjoy!
Night Castle was released in 2009, and was TSO’s second non-Christmas album! It is also their longest, with 26 total songs, and, to me at least, their most emotional album to date.
The album features many familiar faces, with lead singers being Jay Pierce, Jeff Scott Soto, Tim Hockenberry, Rob Evan, and Jennifer Cella. The band personnel is also very familiar, with Paul O’Neill, Chris Caffery, Angus Clark, Al Pitrelli, and Alex Skolnick on guitar, Robert Kinkell, Jon Oliva, Luci Butler, Shih-Yi Chang, Jane Mangini, and Derek Wieland on keyboards, Chris Altenhoff and Johnny Lee Middleton on bass, Roddy Chong and Anna Phoebe on violin and strings, and John O.Reilly and Jeff Plate on drums. And, with Dave Wittman on, as all TSO albums say, “drum, guitar, and bass inserts for those little things the rest of us forgot.”
It also features Emerson, Lake, and Palmer's Greg Lake on bass for Nutrocker!
And, not to mention the numerous amazing backing vocalists and instrumentalists!
Its a big album with big personnel, a big story, and even bigger music. Lets get into that~
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Night Enchanted
-Best hard opening to a TSO album
-HEEERE belieeeve a nigHT ENCHANTED S̸̟͋̉̔͛̀͋̃̑̑̈́̏̅̈́È̵̡̜̼̞͔̖̩̦̟̞̣͈̑̄̽̒͝E̸̛͖̯͙̜͕̟̽̈́̃̉̿̏̈͛̌͆̔̂́ͅE̵͙̙̞̯͚̹̲̟̙͐̀͑̍͊̚͜Ẹ̷̡͇̹͍̓̈́̏͑̄̅̀̎̈́̓̚E̶̛̱̖̘͓̹͍̟̭̲̲̽͋͒̀̓E̵͓̰̠̤̻̪̣̎͊̎͒N̴̢̧̜̰̦̰͓̯̗̦͚̘̝̑̔̌͂͐̀͊
-Very different song, like,,VERY DRAMATIC. ExtrEMLEY DRAMATIC
-Based on Verdi’s Requiem and Dies irae
-Has the Child Of the Night aria sandwiched in the middle
-So the falcon character sings the aria
-I don’t know how that works either
-then it KICKS IN AGAIN FULL POWER
-The pounding opening guitar motif that repeats is amazing
Childhood Dreams
-A very classical-based song, like, its very operatic
-The “controversial” song on the album. Only because people either love it or hate it. I love it. Its fun.
-CHILDhood CHILDhood CHILDhood
-Jay is singing from his SOUL here
-Lyrics are very whimsy:
“But then it's known to catch our eye
And dare us all to once more try
And with a childhood faith believe
And that magic to retrieve
As childhood dreams ...”
-Overall solid song
-The slow piano that kinda hangs back the entire time is great
-I love the way he sings the line “But suddenly inside the dark, she sees the magic of the sparks...”
Sparks
-Old-school rock n roll song
-One of my favs off the album, its just so, idk..classic sounding?
-”Tell me when...Ḁ̷̯͖͉̽̎̔͋̀̽͗͐͂̊̌̇̕A̸̢̳̪͉͓̼̟͑Å̷̛̛̜̈́̆̀̆͂͋̊͐͗̔͑̇Ḩ̸͋̿̓̆͋͛͌͐͑͆̕̕Ḣ̷̨̙̺̦͚͓̠̀̿́͝H̴̗̮̎̽̀́̓̏̓̋̚H̶̼̘̩̱͖̻͎͒́Ḩ̶̢̧͓̲̼͇̼̱͓̱̞̖͕̀̽̾̒̚̕͠ͅ”
-It actually has “AHHH” in the CD booklet I kid you not
-Its a tad long ill admit but it rocks so hard you hardly notice
-The old school chugging guitar riff rocks
-”Leaving marks...SPARKS!”
-Just a classic song, nuff said
The Mountain
-eyyyy first Savatage cover- based n Prelude to Madness! From Hall of the Mountain King!
-The atmosphere is REAL
-The windy sound effect in the opening, the deep bells AH so good
-A familiar melody, and MAN they give it their best
-They speed up gradually over time, and it just gets to the point where its ridiculous how much is going on in the song
-These guys are so talented I swear
-The solo at 4:09 KICKS
Night Castle
-Jeff Scott Soto giving me life, once again
-Very different sounding song I believe, not many other TSO songs sound like it
“Am I risking my own life...my life..?
-OK also I SWEAR in the last 4th of this song, when the slow bit hits, the melody is EXTREMELY CLOSE to the opening to Mephistopheles, from Beethoven's Last Night. It may just be coincidence, but it sounds like an Easter egg to me. Or maybe I’m just crazy. AHA.
-The falling synth piano bits at 1:55. Yes.
-Song gets creepy with the minor change at the end
-I LOVE the last few seconds its so peppy and pretty, like that piano is so gentle
The Safest Way Into Tomorrow
-And I’m crying already, thanks Paul.
-They used this song for the tribute to Paul O’Neill in the 2017 live show. And i get so sad every time I hear it now. Like a melancholy feel now.
“Morpheus is at your side, offering the wings to fly, and be there..”
-Thanks Morpheus
-This line hits me right in the feels every time:
“Be there, free from Earth to sail across this night, where stars are all eternal”
-The piano build at 3:15 mmmm
-BEEEE THEEEEEERE
-BEEEEEE THEEEEEEERE
-BEEEEEEE THEEEEEEEEEERE
-BEEEEEEEE THEEEEEEEEEEEERE NOOOOOWWW
-”And tell me what you...see!”
-I cry
-Also may I note how I LOVE that every character that TSO makes looks like an 80′s rocker. Like look at my dude Morpheus. And Tran-Do. Never stop TSO, never stop.
(Morpheus^)
Mozart and Memories
-Second Savatage cover!
-Very eerie
-Fits with the “dream” thing going on in the story at this point
-The guitars are the best part at 0:42, that melody is so eerie and cool
-The pianos and strings at 0:24 hit me hard, VERY well recorded there
-It gets real fast at the end
-TSO and classical covers are such a good combo
Another Way You Can Die
-TSO got PG.
-Like look:
“And the tracers probe on
'Till a close friend is gone
And you find yourself embracing ground”
-and:
“I see a figure in my rifle sight
Who does not know that he's there
And as I hesitate to take his life
The ground explodes
My blood it flows
My heart is racing
Times escaping
As I feel it slowly scraping by”
-like holy hell
-Like I love the song don’t get me wrong
-But lord Paul went all out here
-He was NOT holding back
-PAULS GOT A MESSAGE TO GET ACROSS AND LORDY HES GONNA DO IT ANY WAY HE CAN
-That end piano drop mY HEART HURTS
Toccata - Carpimus Noctem
-TSO has mastered Christmas, TIME FOR HALLOWEEN MUAHAHA
-Literally its such a good cover. They keep the classic classical intro, with synth and guitars of course, but then they go full metal with it.
-I love the weird guitar lick at 1:49, it really stands out
-Yet another guitar solo featured song and mmm its good
-Also, the DRUMS ARE AMAZING IN THIS ONE
The Lion’s Roar
-Third Savatage cover kind of
-The second half is from Temptation Revelation from Gutter Ballet
-As a trumpeter, I love this song, as it is TSOs only trumpet-featured song.
-The first half is a very military-esque (Fits with the story, eh?) trumpet solo on The Minstrel Boy. This song is very accurate as it is usually played at military events or funerals.
-Which makes me even sadder because of the context of thE STORY
-Nice little interlude song
Dreams We Conceive
-EMOTIONS.
-The opening organ, it its me right in the HEART.
-You can just HEAR the sorrow in his voice in this song.
-The way he sings “Where the dreams die...as the blood dries...”
-Too relatable my soul can’t take it.
-His little voice quiver on the word “do” in the line ‘WHat else is the night to do..”
“As you stand all
Alone at your station
What if God doesn't
Know where you are
As you send out your
Prayers for salvation
But afraid that
They don't go that far
So you wait all
Alone in your darkness
There's a train that drives on
Through the night
And if everyone's
On it except us
Would it return for
That single life
In a city
After midnight
Neath the halo
Of a street light”
-Its just so LONELY SOUNDING this man needs a hug
Mother and Son
-I used to skip this track before I understood it in context to the story.
-Then I felt emotions
-You can find the translation HERE.
-Imagine you past self looking at you and saying “How did I become you?” TO YOUR FACE
-savage
There Was A Life
-ENTER ROB EVAN
-This song man,,,the emotions are REAL
-The way he sings the word “life” in the opening line
“Can someone tell me
Can someone say when
The writer of this story
Will just tell us how it all will end?”
-I relate too much to that
-Paul asking the real questions of life: “ Is there forgiveness for hesitation?”
-The HURT in his voice when he sings “DEAR GOD” at 3:14
-Robbbb why you gotta kill me like this
-The piano is superb at 4:22
-Captures the vibe perfectly
“Are you scared of your life?
Are you scared of your death?
Though that day will arrive
Well it hasn't come yet...”
-Calling me out like that huh
-His “ALIIIIIIIIIVE” at 8:37 oh my LORD
-I’m feeling ALL the emotions
Moonlight and Madness
-OK. So I can’t think of which piano player it was, I’m thinking either Kinkel or Weiland, I could be wrong...BUT. Paul said in an interview once that the songs piano was recorded in one take. ONE TAKE THAT INTRO. He just FLEW INTO IT PERFECTLY.
-Its a wild song, based on the moonlight sonata.
Time Floats On
-This song man..this song
-*Insert seagull meme here* “tiiiiime flllOAATS OOOOON!!!”
-It was one of the first TSO songs I ever heard
-The crazy contrasting piano bit in the middle AH its cool
-Such an eerie song really
-”Time floats on...as I write these letters that you'll never see...” ;-;
-this song has so much heart
Epiphany
-OK HERE WE GO
-TSOs longest song
-TSOs most emotional song
-I’m crying again
-The SHEER HURT and SORROW in Rob’s voice when he sings “ I fear the night, I fear the dark, I need this light...that distant spark...”
-The fast bit at 3:52...I don’t think Rob breathed once during that recording.
-The spoken part was a bold choice, TSO has never done that before. I liked it a lot, its a great addition to the song.
-The subtle harmonies in the “Somewhere”s...amazing.
-and MAN. The LYRICS.
“Did you ever walk up
To the edge of a cliff
Stare into the abyss
As your mind wonders if
You should take one more step
Further into that night
Well your mind says you won't
But your heart says you might
Would you fall through the dark
Feel the wind in your hair
Would you embrace the ground
And end your life right there
Or would god reach his hand
And that moment you fly
Or if he chanced to blink
And then, that moment you die
You die...”
-Like GEEZ that is heavy stuff
-This is the “contemplating death song”
“Be who you are
What you were
What they see
From eternity's view
Tell me which one is me?”
-Relatable. holy heck.
-He sounds like hes about to cry when he sings “Hold me close...”
-Like me too Rob. Me too.
-”This all is your....life..."
-You feel DRAINED by the end of it, like wow. The emotion, the power, my soUL. MY HEART.
Bach Lullaby
-A nice calming music box medley of the C major prelude.
-OK SO TSO SHOULD ACTUALLY MAKE LITTLE MUSIC BOXES THAT PLAY THIS HOLY HECK ID BUY 50
Father, Son, and Holy Ghost
-The OTHER most EMOTIONAL SONG on the album
-First half: pain, sorrow, regret, melancholy, slow piano...
-The EMOTION in the line “ Never quite there but it's never quite gone, you are the star that is wished upon...forever....”
-Second half: RAGE. ANGER. FIRE. AAAHHHHH.
-The main guitar riff is so heckin powerful
-Lyrics literally have this background in it: “...she raged against all those citizens of apathy and willful ignorance who lived behind the sacrifices of others.”
-The high piano swapped out for low guitar and bass melodies, a heavy mood, and pounding drums
-”...You cling to that card, Father, Son & Holy Ghost”
-You FEEL THE RAGE
-It has the most metal lyrics:
“And Christ and Confucius
Are all their words useless
We quote them in fractions
But not in our actions”
-Like WOW
Remnants of a Lullaby
-A simple, but pretty song
-Very calming, and a nice breather from the song before
-The feeling in “ What to keep, what to save...”
”Wished on coins
Childhood wings
Carousels
Still turning
Waiting there patiently
Remnants of a lullaby...”
-IM A KID AGAIN
The Safest Way Into Tomorrow (Reprise)
-dangittt I’m crying AGAIN
-album comes full circle here in the most emotional way possible
-especially when you consider the context of the story at this point aahhHHH
-Soto owns my soul
Embers
-OK, just..I love this song. Simple as that.
-This is pure atmosphere.
-Listen to it. Bonfire. Embers soaring to the stars above. Fireflies all around. Friends sitting with you at the camp fire. Acoustic guitar playing. A perfect summers night.
-Just...perfection.
Child of the Night
-Eyyyyy the aria again. It grows on yah.
-Very relaxing.
-Just brings that calming night vibe to life.
-Makes yah feel like a kid again.
Believe
-AAAAND the TSO song everyone knows for one reason or another.
-Also one of the more emotional ones on the album.
-A cover of the Savatage song off Streets
-I love this version, (No offense Jon), like idk why exactly...it just feels more..personal? Idk, maybe its just because of the sheer emotional journey we just went on lol.
-It builds spectacularly, and the emotion is all in in this one. 10/10 great cover.
Nutrocker
-YAYY JUST HAD AN EMOTIONAL AND HEARTBREAKING JOURNEY, TIME FOR HAPPY FUN CHRISTMAS EMMERSON LAKE AND PALMER NUTCRACKER SONG YAYY
-Heh I kid I kid
-It features Greg Lake on bass!
-This song ROCKS man it ROCKS
-TSO does SO WELL WITH THIS
-The fast piano, the amazingly melodic guitar melody, the rock bits with a jazz break sandwiched in between AH.
Carmina Burana
-This is also one of my favs off the album.
-I believe this is also the song that got some conservative folks mad at TSO for being “satanists” by playing this. It was the latin I think.
-Doesn’t matter, this song is epic. Very bombastic.
-It builds so well, and the repeated guitar and bass riffs make it feel so pounding I love it.
Tracers
-Ok so this song and I have history.
-I originally didn’t like this song (woah, right?)
-It just didn’t click. Buuuuut, TSO did it live in 2018, and BOI that changed everything. I loved it after that. Its top 25 TSO songs for me now.
-IDK what they did or how they did it, but after the live show, I loved it. Past me was wrong. This song ROCKS.
-The pounding opening is iconic
-The soaring guitars
-The weird interval medley at 0:49 is so cool
-The main melody KICKS at 1:00
-My fav bit is the surreal acoustic bit at 2:06
-Its SO GOOD
-The repeated 5 notes at like 1:34 are so driving
-The descending bit at 2:55!!!
-and the BUILD UP TO THE VOCAL PART AT 3:32 OH MAN POETIC CINEMA
-------
And there you have it!!! Night Castle! To me, its the most emotional album of the lot. And the most atmospheric. Its long, but its a wild ride the entire time. The story is sad but inspiring, the music is legendary, the art is beautiful, so all around, this, to me, may be their best album in terms of general scoring. What do you think?
Thanks for reading ya’ll! You rock!
#Trans-Siberian Orchestra#trans siberian orchestra#night castle#album review#metal#rock#symphonic metal#symphonic rock#text post#this took so long to re do#BUT I DID IT#music review
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Glorified G- Chapter 15
The next morning Joanne woke up early to get to the university with John, the two managed to spark a lot of interest in the students and were asked lots of questions which was a great feeling for both of them. After the lecture as Joanne and John were heading back to the car they were stopped by a group of students, the students asked questions about pursuing a career in criminal psychology. It was a great feeling knowing that they had inspired the next generation of psychologists, profilers, and law enforcers- it was such a large subject area, with so many jobs to come from it, that was one of the things Joanne loved about it. There were jobs in prisons, counselling prisoners and assessing the likelihood that they would re-offend upon release, jobs consulting with law enforcement on cases. Then, of course, there were the profilers, who could either travel around the country consulting on cases or stay in a field office consulting on local cases, like Joanne. And these were just a few of the jobs that fell under the criminal psychology umbrella.
After the chatting with the students Joanne made a trip to the shop to buy food for the picnic, she couldn’t deny that she was excited about the picnic, she really did love the guys- they’d become such good friends so quickly and she found herself loving every second with them. Joanne got carried away buying the food and ended up buying way too much food for only six of them, she’d bought vegetarian options, vegan options, everything she could find. She returned to the hotel and made up the picnic and put everything in the small basket she had bought. The day seemed to fly by and before she knew it she was heading to the beach. She had bought a maroon handkerchief skirt and a plain black vest, she had thrown on her docs, once she got to the beach she took her docs and socks off- she loved walking on the beach in bare feet, the sound of the waves crashing onto the shore, the chorus of seagulls squawking. She set a few blankets down and took a seat, she watched the waves until the guys arrived, getting lost in her thoughts.
Joanne heard some voices which she instantly recognised, when she turned around she saw the guys racing across the beach all carrying boxes of beer, she laughed as Jeff managed to trip Stone up causing him to faceplant, yet somehow he managed to fall while holding the beers up not smashing a single bottle. Joanne burst out laughing at the sight,
“You guys are fucking crazy.” She giggled, they all sat on the blankets and cracked open a bottle of beer each,
“Did you bring food, Jo? I’m starving!” Mike questioned as soon as he sat down, Jo grinned,
“I got a little bit carried away buying food so help yourselves.” She lazily opened the lid of the basket, the guys quickly dug into the picnic Joanne explained what everything was- pointing out the vegan and vegetarian options.
They all ate while making idle chat, the guys were still hyper about touring and Joanne was really excited for them she loved their passion for music. The food didn’t last long, the guys stuffed their faces. After many beers, Stone and Jeff thought it would be a great idea to go skinny dipping they ran to the edge of the water and as they took their tops off Joanne yelled,
“You do know I could arrest you for public indecency?” She couldn’t help but laugh as the two turned around and flipped her the bird, of course, she wouldn’t arrest them for skinny dipping- the beach was empty apart from them so they weren’t doing any harm. After a few minutes, Mike and Dave decided to join them, leaving Joanne and Eddie sitting together on the blankets. Jo opened two new bottles of beer, handing Eddie one and taking a swig of hers,
“It’s so beautiful here Eddie,” She said gesturing to the sunset and the orange that was mingling with shades of pink and red, he simply nodded,
“I used to come here surfing all the time, then I’d just sit on my board watching the sunset, then the stars. It’s always so quiet here in the evening it’s perfect.” Joanne smiled, with her left hand she began creating patterns in the sand, the feeling of the warm sand put her at ease and she felt although she never wanted to leave.
She turned to Eddie who was staring at his bandmates who were splashing each other in the face with water like children, she stared at his eyes how blue they were, it was although they were illuminated by the sea, the sun gently fell onto his face- he must’ve noticed Joanne staring as he turned to her with a small smile,
“How are you doing Eddie?” She asked, using that as a cover for why she was staring at him like a creep, she couldn’t deny that he was very attractive but she didn’t want to start thinking about him like that because then she’d end up fucking up the friendship she has, and that was the last thing she wanted. He seemed to pause for a few moments before shrugging nonchalantly,
“I’m over it- it’s done now.” Joanne sensed his reluctance to talk about it, “How are you? How’s the lecturing going?” Joanne smiled and took a sip of beer,
“I’m okay, I had to archive a case as unsolved the other day and it was the most frustrating thing to do. The lecturing is great, John is such a fucking legend- I mean if he didn’t do his research and make profiling a thing I probably wouldn’t have a job.” She let out a small laugh, “But the man is a genius, he interviewed some a range of violent offenders and managed to figure out how to categorise the different kinds of offenders. Since studying him at university I’ve been a ‘fan’-” She said making air quotes, “And now I’ve worked with him, and been invited to Quantico where it all started, I can’t believe it really.” Eddie gave her a smile,
“I’m glad you’re happy here, I can’t imagine what it would be like to literally move halfway around the world- it’s such a huge leap of faith you took.” She nodded before remembering the tale of Eddie and Pearl Jam,
“It’s only like you moving to Seattle the way you did to join the band.” She replied he shook his head,
“Only yours is a much bigger scale.” She nodded in agreement,
“I guess it was, but there wasn’t anything really keeping me there, Interpol was a great place to work and the people were great, but there wasn’t as much room for growth there. Whereas here, I’m at the bottom of a giant chain of command, which I’ll slowly work up- if they keep me here.” As she spoke a shiver ran up her spine, Eddie shuffled a little closer to her and grabbed a blanket that no one was sitting on and pulled it over their shoulders, Joanne moved a little closer to the warmth. After a few moments of a comfortable silence, Eddie grabbed her hand, the sudden contact made her jump a little bit,
“Thank you, Jo,” She turned to look at him with an eyebrow raised in confusion, “For being here, I know I can count on you.” She smiled at him and gently squeezed his hand,
“No problem.” She re-positioned so she could lean her head on his shoulder, where they stayed for a few minutes, a comfortable silence settled in the air as they watched the others all messing about in the sea.
The skinny dippers returned to get more alcohol, they’d gotten dressed and raced each other back to Eddie and Joanne as the approached all laughing and joking they were hushed, in shock the looked at the person who had shushed them it was Eddie- Joanne had fallen asleep on his shoulder, clutching the blanket to her. Mike who had been trailing behind the guys finally made it back to the group,
“Stoney! My beer!” He slurred, the sound of Mike’s voice startled Joanne who quickly sat upright, eyes wide after realising where she was she relaxed a little she stretched out her legs and handed Mike a beer.
For the few minutes that Joanne had been asleep Eddie simply sat like a statue trying not to wake her, every so often he heard her whimper or whisper ‘no’ he just presumed she was dreaming the longer she slept the more she’d talk, ‘don’t do this’ she had said at one point, it was clear as day so Eddie thought she had woken up, ‘I’m not like you’ some of the ramblings were incoherent, but the ones that weren’t were enough to make Eddie worry about her- he considered waking her, but had once read that if you wake people that are having a nightmare it can make them injure you or themselves, so he decided to leave her, at some point he began lightly tracing patterns on her shoulder before the guys had come over and startled her. Eddie thought about asking her about it, but he didn’t want to pry. He simply made a mental note to mention it at some point, she intrigued him- He couldn’t wrap his head around how she could do the job she does without not trusting people at all, he knew that her guard was up when they first met, but the more he got to know her the more her guard came down.
When it got to being time to leave Joanne gave them all a hug, when she got to Eddie she thanked him for being ‘an excellent pillow’ before pulling him into a tight hug, it was weird she hated hugs, but with the guys she felt at ease enough to hug them, maybe it was because she wouldn’t see them again for a few weeks and she would miss them- or maybe she was changing her ways, and letting people in.
#eddie vedder#eddie vedder fanfic#eddie vedder fanfiction#pearl jam#pearl jam fanfiction#pearl jam fanfic#grunge fanfic#grunge fanfiction#jeff ament#mike mccready#stone gossard#dave abbruzzese#fanfic#fanfiction
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Most surprising castings in Fairy Tale Theatre
Faerie Tale Theatre is a show full of celebsbut here are a few actors surprise me .Most of whom give good performances but they just arent people I associate with a show like this
Gina Rowlands in Repunzel
Mick Jagger in the Nightengale
James Coburn in Pinocchio
(No picture of him from the episode found so heres him from Murder She Wrote)
Klaus Kinski in Beauty and the Beast
Frank Zappa in The Boy Who Left Home To Find Out About the Shivers
Jeff Goldblum in Three Little Pigs ......Though maybe this one isnt TOO surprising
Eric Idle in Pied Piper of Hamlin
Timothy Dalton in The Emperors New Clothes (No picture since he is a narrator so here he is in the Doctors and the Devils )
Harry Dean Stanton in Rip Van Winkle
Peter Weller in the Dancing Princesses
@metropolitan-mutant-of-ark @ariel-seagull-wings @filmcityworld1 @princesssarisa
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Interview With Jeff Scott # 5 ( 2019 )
“A lot of good people invited me into their lives but I always refused, never really let people in. That’s something I still regret.”
James Ellis has been going through some periods of deep introspection, taking a closer look at both himself and the world. “I feel like I‘m headed toward new paths and challenges” he tells Jeff Scott, “and leaving a few ghosts behind.”
IT’S MID MORNING, early June in Saundersfoot. The sky is a clear blue, filled with the squawking of seagulls and passing traffic. The sun is high and bright. There’s a pleasant breeze, which is thankfully countering the humidity that hangs heavy in the air. I’m sat outside in the half empty beer garden of The Captain’s Table pub. It’s an idyllic location, especially in this weather. The kind of coastal venue any artist/ writer worth his salt would surely love. Set firmly within the picturesque harbour, near the centre of town, it has a panoramic view overlooking the bay, a plethora of moored boats and the sea beyond.
A few sips into my drink I sight James Ellis appear across the street, moving among the locals and the tourists, coming from the direction of the amusement arcade and the Sands Nightclub. He crosses the road, nods and smiles my way, then disappears into the pub’s shadowy interior. A few minutes later he reappears, with trademark Diet Coke.
As usual, I stand, we shake hands, we sit.
We’ve met before, several times in fact, even collaborated on a book together ( The Art Of Over Thinking. ) I’ve interviewed him about his books, his comics, his life, but today, we’re here to talk about the songs.
The tally of ‘songs’ he has written lyrics for now stands at 377. That’s 25 official collections, as well as six volumes of what are essentially the equivalent of outtakes. 15 years of writing, now collected on his Tumblr page ‘My Past Pages’ in its entirety. He recently finished his 25th collection, ‘Electric Hymns,’ which, of course, is why we’re here today.
It’s certainly a change of direction from his last few collections. For one thing, it’s not a trilogy or tied together be any conceptual theme, making it’s arguably his first stand alone collection since 2008’s ‘The Silence & The Sound.’ It’s an interesting mix of political, topical and personal themes, which often veer away from the more typical song structures.
This time around there’s a variety of subjects on offer, perhaps more so than on recent collections, like he’s been looking outward a lot more, rather than just looking inward, finding inspiration further a field.
He tells me he feels these new songs “feel a little bit more honest, like I was really getting at the thoughts going in my head.” Something he thinks maybe “started around the time I was writing Any Direction Home.”
He speaks of his complete lack of inspiration, which he says lasted for well over a year and he often wondered if he had anything left to say.
He also mentions that he often thinks of these songs “as neither lyrics nor poems, but something that occupies that weird space in between.”
Casually, I soon begin to prod him about the more personal aspects of his life. But as usual he’s politely elusive and only allows a real insight into himself as we properly get into talking about his latest work.
Q. So, it’s been just over two years since your last collection, 2017’s ‘The Great Migration.’ That’s a longer gap than you’ve had for a while.
I really enjoyed writing ‘The Great Migration’ but after it, my tank was pretty empty. It was over a year before I even had a flicker of inspiration. It all came in pieces really, every so often I’d write a verse, a chorus, etc, but it was all just ideas really, or just sketches for possible songs. I knew probably it wouldn’t happen properly until I felt I had something new to say, and a new way of saying it. That briefly happened last year, when a few of those ideas finally came together.
Q. You mentioned them earlier. Did they all end up on ‘Electric Hymns’?
Yeah, it was ‘Carry On & Keep Calm’ ‘A legend In The Making’ ‘Home Of The Brave and ‘When The Flood Comes.’ I was pretty happy with them and I thought I was gearing up for another collection, then nothing.
Q. So what changed? Was there a particular moment it clicked for you?
I guess it was two things really. The first was 2nd February 2019. I can be that precise because it was the night I went to the Frank Turner gig at the Motorpoint Area in Cardiff. I think I’d forgotten the profound effect live music, especially with a large crowd can have on you, but that night was a powerful reminder. It was like falling in love with music again. After that night I began to really feel the pull of writing songs again. I dived into exploring music again too, which was something I hadn’t done for a while, mainly using Spotify. I guess I’ve embraced the idea of streaming more these days as it allows me to explore the history of music without ruining me in the process. Nothing beats vinyl though! Anyway, that’s how the process really started, I just began writing more and more, then in April it started really flowing again and I was suddenly putting ‘Electric Hymns’ together. I guess it had been building up and now the flood gates were open.
A lot of it ended up being about making the best of what you’ve got, family, friends, just being in the moment whether it’s good or bad times. I guess it’s about treasuring those moments because things can often change in the blink of an eye. There’s political and topical stuff on it but within those subjects I also wanted to say what really counts is the people we hold dear, and we should try to keep remembering there’s a still a lot of good people out there despite the craziness.
Q. It feels like you were going for a deliberately different approach?
On a bunch of the songs I wanted to try and throw out the usual motifs, you know, not use the usual verses, bridges, repeating chorus kind of thing. I just wanted it to be more of a free flowing kind of thing.
Anything that felt like I might be rehashing myself just got tossed out.
I guess it was about challenging myself, keeping it interesting. I’ve got to the point now where I think if I’m not doing that, then what’s the point. I’m not always successful but when I am, it makes it worth it.
There were certainly things I wanted to write, either things I’d been thinking about a lot, or things that bugged me or were weighing me down in some way. For a long time it was just a verse here, a line there, part of a chorus. It was a continuing process, so I wasn’t particularly blocked, it was all just taking its time to properly come together.
Q. You attempted a few other approaches along the way too, didn’t you?
At one point I almost returned to the idea of doing a follow up to ‘When The Sky Fell Down’ and going back to using multi-part songs, broken up by little lyrical segues, that kind of thing, but part way into the process it all began to feel a bit too familiar, like I’d done this already.
Q. Quite a few of the titles are familiar. Are they the same songs that you previously said didn’t make it onto ‘The Great Migration.’?
It’s funny, it’s only really the titles that survived. Everything else didn’t really work. The more I worked on them, the more they changed. But the idea, the theme behind them, didn’t really change much.
Q. You mentioned in a previous interview that ‘Electric Hymns’ was going to be the title for a new rock opera you were planning.
It was, for a while, but it was only ever a working title. As soon as the song itself was done, I knew it tied far more into this collection, dealing with the living in the moment thing, and friendships. So, consequently it fitted perfectly as the overall title. I guess I stole from myself.
Q. It’s gone pretty quiet with the new rock opera and the musical ‘Hail Maria!‘ hasn’t it. Does that mean we won’t see them for a while?
I guess they’re both in limbo for now, yeah. There’s a lot in them that I like, but at this point that’s not where I’m at. If I’m doing something then it has to be one hundred percent, and as of now it’s not. I need something to spark it into life for me. That may still happen, we’ll see.
Q. The total of songs included kept changing as well didn’t it, why was that?
Well, it originally started out as the lyrics for 18 songs. Because it was the 25th collection I had the thought that maybe it should have more heft to it, but it just felt unwieldy, and some of it felt lost among the rest, so in the end it just came back down to quality over quantity I guess.
Q. How did you choose what got included and what didn’t? Was it about theme or were there some songs that worked better than others?
Actually, I think they all stood up, so it was definitely more of a case of the theme not fitting as well. They’ll see the light of day at some point.
Q. Can you tell us anything about them, perhaps a few of the titles?
Yeah, I can. The ones I pulled out were ‘Saints Of Modern America’ ‘The Way You Do Anything ( Is The Way You Do Everything )’ ‘The Importance Of Being Kind’ ‘Chasing The Sun’ and also ‘Atomic Sunrise.
‘Saints’ was actually a multi- part song and was going to be the centre piece of the collection, but it felt like it unbalanced the whole thing somehow. ‘The Way You Do Anything’ was too similar to things I’ve put out in the past, and the latter three just felt like they needed a bit more work.
Q. There were others too weren’t there? It sounds like it was prolific period.
I suppose it was pretty productive because there’s still a bunch of stuff left over, a lot of which is pretty much finished. Obviously there’s the five songs I cut, but yes, there’s other stuff too that got left off it.
Q. Can you give us any titles? It’s okay if you don’t want to go into specifics.
Let me see, without being too specific about it, there’s ‘Just Like Tom Petty’ ‘Ashes Of Us’ ‘The Girl With The Rose Tattoo’ ‘Cry Like A Child’ ‘Cut To Bleed’ and ‘The Ballad Of Mikey T & Big Dave.’ They’re all working titles at the moment, so they may well be called something else entirely by they time they get released out into the world.
ELLIS HASN’T REALLY explained the process and the ideas behind specific songs for a while. It was something he did regularly up until ‘Age Of The Restless Heart’ but in the spirit of doing things differently and keeping things fresh he’s agreed to do just that for this interview today.
1. Live Your Life ( Like A Revolution )
Well, the title itself had been hanging about for almost two years. It first turned up when I was working on the unfinished rock opera that I stole the ‘Electric Hymns’ title from. It had a whole set of different lyrics then that related to what was going on in that particular story, which were about living the rock and roll dream. Put plainly, it didn’t work.
The title did though, and I knew it needed to be about something else, something that earned that title. Eventually it tied in nicely to what I’d been thinking about lately, about living in the moment, not letting the good times pass you by. In the end it just kind of found its place.
Originally there was a whole other section that was more political, playing up the revolution side of it, but it just didn’t sit right with the first half. It was too much of an abrupt gear change. I liked that section a lot though, so in the end, I pulled it out, expanded it and it got to become its own thing, which is the later reprise version of the song.
2. The Ground Beneath My Feet
There’s been no relationships to speak of in the last two years, not in the romantic sense anyway, but I’ve built some solid friendships, some of the first proper, real bonds of my life, and as a consequence I’ve made a concentrated effort to spend more time on my older friendships too, value them more than I have in the past. That was something I really wanted to write about in a lot of these newer songs.
I had the chorus for the first part, then most of the rest of it came together in one sitting. For a few weeks I thought it was a done deal but when I eventually read it back something about it just didn’t track right. So, I fooled around with it a bit and what ended up happening was that it a lot got shifted around quite a lot, moving verses, etc.
It’s about how I’ve learnt to better value friendships. For a very long time I was a kind of insular person. I mean, I could be social and I could party with the best of them, but the rest of the time I retreated big time.
A lot of good people invited me into their lives but I always refused, never really let people in, that’s something I still regret. I still struggle with that, but at the same time I’ve got a lot better at it as well.
3. Carry On & Keep Calm
This is one of the few songs on ‘Electric Hymns’ that came pretty much fully formed and I think that was largely due to the inspiration. It was written back last August when a friend of mine was going through a tough time. She was carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders and I wanted to let her know things would get better for her. It just flowed, like it was me talking directly to her, which I guess I was.
4. A Legend In The Making
Well, that started out as a poem. Every year I try to write something for my nephew’s birthday, as it feels like something unique I can give him. Maybe one day he’ll look back fondly on them in years to come, or not!
I’ve written a bunch of long form poems for him, even a short story. For his 7th birthday though, the deadline was approaching fast and I had nothing. I’d planned to do another short story, but there just wasn’t enough time. Thankfully though, inspiration came at the last minute and a poem came together pretty quickly. And as it did it struck me how much it felt like a spiritual successor to ‘Ode To You ( Song For Jayden)’ from ‘The Great Migration.’ So, with a few tweaks I adapted it into the lyrics for a new song and I think it worked out pretty well.
5. Home Of The Brave
Well, that was never meant to be on the collection at all. It’s possibly the oldest song on any of the collections. I think the original version was written way back in 19998, maybe 99. It was just something I found in an old box of papers. The odd thing though was that it tapped into a lot of things I was thinking about last year. It got tweaked a bit, but it hasn’t really changed too much from that version.
6. Song Of The Refugee
One of the advantages of this collection being written over about ten months that the inspirations came to me in some interesting ways rather than me looking for them. ‘Song Of The Refugee’ started out as a poem I did for one of my nephew’s school projects and when I looked at it, I thought there might be something more to it, worth exploring.
I think the title speaks for itself. It’s about the world we live in right now, and the struggles some people have to go through. There’s a couple of topical things on ‘Electric Hymns’ which was never intended, but if these things are in the air you can’t help but pick up on them.
7. When The Glory Fades
It’s no secret I was a bit of a hermit in my mid twenties and this song is about the group of people who invited me into their lives and helped me bring myself into the world again. I just wanted to give them a shout out. It was a special time for when I briefly let people in.
This is another one that flowed pretty easy, though the end section did undergo a few rewrites as I tried to fit everyone I wanted to into it. That last bit, where I namedrop everyone from that time, was particularly inspired by Frank Turner’s song ’I Knew Prufrock Before He Got Famous’ which is why there’s a thank you to Frank at the end of it.
There’s been certain songs over the years that I’ve deliberately based on particular favourites of mine by other artists, such as ‘Snapshots In Sepia’ and ‘Everyone Says Hello.’ I suppose it like the old folk tradition of repurposing, and I’ve felt honour bound to acknowledge that inspiration each time its happened, especially if it sails closer to the original source than I expected. It doesn’t happen often these days, but when it does it just feels right to do that, pay the proper respect.
Originally parts of this song were in the title song and vice versa, but as I was working on both of them the various parts all kind of found where they properly belonged, kind of telling me where they wanted to go.
8. 100 Acts Of Kindness
Of all the recent songs I’ve written the lyrics for this one by far went through the mill a bit. In fact, there’s a whole other version that exists, about twice as long. It was that way for a while, but every time I went back to it something just didn’t sit right. In the end, what I realised is that it was over written. Not just that, but the second half felt like it belonged to something else entirely. So, I reluctantly lost that half, but in doing so it worked far better, sometimes less is more I guess!
Basically it’s about trying to find a connection with someone, about realising that adversity in our life is something that’s best faced shared.
9. When The Flood Comes ( Up Upon A Hill )
‘Flood’ came about in a funny way. It was originally two songs, well two unfinished songs, snippets really. And they were going to stay like that too, just these two short things, like interludes or something. Both of them have that biblical imagery thing going on, which eventually set me thinking of them as companion pieces of sorts. It was only after a year or so of them sitting around that I realised they belonged together, and that they worked better like that too.
That’s something I’ve noticed happens a lot to be honest, where I completely fail to see what’s staring me in the face. In art and life! ( Laughs)
10. St Jude’s Garden ( Light Of The Morning Sun )
St Jude’s Garden felt like one of the pure ones. It just flowed out beautifully.
It was pretty easy and that’s pretty rare. I was driving home one day and the first two lines or so just popped out of nowhere. I don’t even know what the inspiration was, suddenly they were just there in my head.
It was the last thing to come and felt like what the collection had been missing, especially after I pulled ‘Saints Of Modern America.’ It felt a different type of centrepiece to that, but all the same, still a centrepiece. Maybe it was divine inspiration ( laughs ) who knows. I was just very glad it came along when it did as it felt like the collection was faltering a bit. I even briefly toyed with it being the title song.
11. The Last Fierce Charge
The last thing I expected was to write a song about bloody Brexit, I mean, of all the things to write a song about! But it was the first one I finished. That was a surprise, but it also told me I might be onto something, that maybe I could write about the political through the personal.
What I really wanted to say in this song was no matter what happens in life, we’ll muddle on through, find a way, same way as we always have.
12. ( Live Your Life ) Like A Revolution/ Reprise
This is the more political part of the song I cut that got used as a reprise.
13. Electric Hymns/ Let The Band Play On
This is about my love of music, plain and simple, about how it’s saved me so many times in my life, got me through so many things. It’s also about how it brings people together, forms friendships, relationships. It’s about the human equation of it. It was such a part of my early life, especially my teenage years, and I think it’s only grown to be an even more important part of it as I’ve gotten older, experienced more things.
Like I said, parts of it came out of the same sessions as ‘When The Glory Fades’ but on the whole, once I figured out what went where, it just flowed.
Q. So, is your official Tumblr page ‘My Past Pages’ still an ongoing work?
Well, it took pretty much two years but everything is out there now, and what isn’t, I guess I’m not really happy about releasing out to the world. People can visit the page whenever they want, the archive section is easily accessible and they can read pretty much every lyric I’ve ever written, right up the new stuff from ‘Electric Hymns.’ From this point on I’ll only post something when I’ve got something new, otherwise it’ll stay dormant for a little bit. I’m pretty happy with the body of work on there though and it’s nice to have it all finally in one place.
Q. Any ideas what’s next? Will the songs you mentioned earlier end up on a future collection or will they be released separately?
I’m not really sure. I guess I’ll just see how it shakes out. I never know what I’ll actually end up doing to be honest. ( He smiles ) I guess we’ll see.
I’m quite keen on doing a collection that’s very narrative driven, very lyrically dense, where each song is like a little story, a kind of filmic thing, putting myself into a character, the thing that Springsteen in particular excels at. I tried it once with the aborted ‘Kingdom Road’ stuff, but of course, that got lost along the way. So, yeah, it’d be a nice challenge to do something like that again, but in a different kind of way.
WE TALK A while longer, about music, books, films, TV, etc, but it’s getting busier now, the background noise is less palatable, and I sense he’s getting restless as a result. “I like people,” he tells me, “but in moderation.” So, our conversation comes to an end. We stand, we shake hands, then with a smile and a wave he disappears into the afternoon crowds.
And watching, I can’t help but wonder where his journey will take him next.
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How would my perfect day go? Wow, I thought you’d never ask.
So it would start one night at 6pm-ish. I would show up at Taylor Swift’s house and we would order pizza. Then we would eat pizza with Joe, the ladies, and Benji. The pizza is really good and we are all just having a good talk at dinner. Taylor and Joe are drinking her favorite wine, and I’m drinking la croix. After we are all finished up, Taylor and I will head to an ice rink near her house(the rink lets us use it for a couple hours because it’s good publicity of Taylor Swift has skating at your rink). We will skate until we feel like stopping. It’ll be cold, but we will have a great time skating and talking, and I’ll tell her all of my hockey stories. Then we head home and bake some cookies and have a karaoke dance party. Obviously, we’ll wear matching pajamas. This will last ALL. NIGHT. LONG. She will pull out her guitar every once in a while and maybe play Long Live/NYD from the rep tour or Enchanted/Wildest Dreams from the 1989 tour on her piano. It will be AMAZING. Then we will wake up early the next morning and make waffles and get coffee and tea. We will bring our food outside to her deck and watch the sun rise and chat and eat our breakfast. Once were all finished up and the sun has risen, we will start scrapbooking. We will scrapbook until we don’t have anymore scraps to book. By the afternoon, we will both have finished scrapbooks, and we will give them to each other like friendship bracelets. Then Taylor and I will hug one last time I will have to be on my way home. I’ll be remembering yelling 22 and TIWWCHNT at the top of our lungs and singing All Too Well and YAIL together while she plays the piano. I’ll hold onto the memories, and they’ll hold onto me too. Then I will go home and change out of my matching pajamas with Taylor Swift and put them in a case so I can look at them every single day. As soon as I get changed, I’ll head over to Ryan Keslers house with one of my dogs. I’ll walk into the door and see Andrea(Kesler) making chicken parmesan with Makayla by her side helping her by sprinkling cheese. Ryan will helping by watching Ryker and Kingsley and changing their new third daughters diapers. My dog will go in the backyard and play with their dogs. I will head straight to the kitchen to help Andrea make chicken parmesan because we are cooking for a lot of people. As we are cooking, Ducks players and theirs WAGs and kids and dogs walk in and greet everyone. It’s a party. Soon enough, dinner is all done and a few of us help serve dinner. Everyone is loving the chicken parmesan and Texas toast(I insisted) that we made. Then, we all drive over to the Honda Center. The boys have a game that night against the Buffalo Sabres with everyone’s favorite Jeff Skinner and the guy we miss dearly Brandon Montour. All the WAGs and kids fill up a box to cheer the boys on. The game is a nail biter and goes into OT. Ryan Kesler smoothly skates up the ice, dekes out Brandon, and takes a shot at the net which is wide open on the left side. It floats into the back of the net like George Washington the seagull floats on the 1989 cover. The pond is going crazy. We just won the Stanley Cup. They let me go onto the ice to celebrate with everyone because I planned the pre-game dinner. That is the start of a new tradition. I head home and pet my dogs. I check Instagram, pray, and then fall asleep. It was a good day. Thanks for listening to my TEDtalk
@taylorswift @taylornation @nhl @nhlducks @ryan-kesler
#taylor swift#taylornation#taylurking#ts7#taytay#tswizzle#taylor talks#ts7 theories#ts7iscoming#benjamin buttons#anaheim ducks#ryan kesler#hockey
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Pitchfork Music Festival 2017: 7/14-7/16
Clif’s Cassette Collage
BY JORDAN MAINZER
Last year’s Pitchfork featured wild-card non-headliners and a deep rest of the festival. This year? Not so much. LCD Soundsystem headlined last year’s Lollapalooza Sunday, and this year saw them headlining the first day of a smaller festival. Saturday featured a massive farewell tour in the form of A Tribe Called Quest. Sunday’s headliner was Solange, an artist coming off of her career best work that held up even in the face of her more famous sister’s equally strong work. There were reunions and rare performers. This was going to be the biggest Pitchfork ever, right?
Well, only if you’re talking about the length of the lines. Instead, Pitchfork somehow retained its intimacy (besides those lines). Much of the music was undoubtedly laid back, even the hip hop sets decidedly minimal as opposed to past ones by the likes of Kendrick Lamar and Chance the Rapper. There was room for the experimental, the theatrical, and the combination of the two. Overall, the festival continues to book daringly and, more importantly, more women and people of color than almost any other major pop music festival. Like last year, there was no one true standout the way there has been in past years, but there were still sets that exceeded, met, and performed below my expectations.
Read on as I sort the many different sets I saw into distinct categories relating to everything from content to how they fit within the quintessential festival experience.
THE NOSTALGIC
Ride
It may have been delayed by over twenty minutes. You may not have been able to hear lead singer Mark Gardener that well. Their new album may be just okay. But as soon as Ride played the opening notes to “Seagull”, you knew exactly why even a 20-years-later version of the band is booked late in the day to play a major festival. Simply put, the songs from Nowhere and their early EPs were flat-out gorgeous.
The Feelies
Talk about a band that takes their time, whether it’s releasing albums or even just building up a song. The Feelies took from their earliest (Crazy Rhythms and The Good Earth) and their latest (2011′s Here Before and this year’s In Between). Lead singer Glenn Mercer’s gentle voice may have sounded a bit weak at times, but the band’s jangly guitar pop and krautrock arrangements were perfect for grooving on a temperate Saturday afternoon.
Arab Strap
One of the best sets of the festival came from a band that I love that I totally expected to not translate live. The Scottish electronica-imbued spoken word from Arab Strap sounded great, with more singing and noise than expected. Front-man Aidan Moffat sucked down Four Star Pilsners and complained how hot the stage was as if they were litanies in one of his songs. His penchant for remembering the lyrics of his own songs is impressive, and even if he had to read them by the time the anthemic “The First Big Weekend” came along, he was just as much the star of the show as the rest of the band.
THE OLD-TIMEY
Hamilton Leithauser
The Walkmen were always a band whose slower songs recalled waltzes or stories told by your grandparents. Hamilton Leithauser & Rostam Batmanglij’s I Had A Dream That You Were Mine one-upped that last year, with its clinking pianos and string flourishes going for an unabashedly retro aesthetic, including everything from doo wop to folktales. Live, Leithauser and his band recreated that perfectly. He’s always had a hell of a voice, his wail equally as strong as his Dylan-esque sneer. “Rough Going (I Won’t Let Up)” was an exemplary intro, “A 1000 Times” a giant sing-along, “1959″ an effective vocal solo as opposed to the duet album version.
As Joey Purp played from the Blue Stage, Leithauser recalled being sonically overwhelmed by the nearby XX. “Everybody left NYC...because they couldn’t afford a practice space without a fucking band next door,” he shared before launching into the gorgeous “Where The Truth Is...” Old and bitter’s never sounded so sweet.
THE MELANCHOLY
Angel Olsen
As a band in matching suits entered the stage, I thought to myself, “Am I really about to see Angel Olsen?” The last time I had seen her was at Lincoln Hall on the Burn Your Fire For No Witness Tour, and apparently, she’s gotten way bigger since then. Her set started out strong with some country-indebted kiss offs: “High & Wild”, “Shut Up Kiss Me”, “Give It Up”, and “Not Gonna Kill You” all retained both the treble-heavy sheen and lyrical rawness of their studio versions. But the back half of the set was enough to put you to sleep in succession. Half Way Home’s “Acrobat” is a great song, as is “Sister”, the laid-back and jazzy “Those Were The Days”, and “Woman”, but after the first four in a row, they only served to bring you down.
Weyes Blood
Natalie Mering’s amazing, Joni Mitchell-esque voice is best suited for a club setting. Even last year’s Weyes Blood album Front Row Seat to Earth, a characteristically upbeat one for Mering’s standards, is not really ideal for a weekend day festival slot. Her voice on “Generation Why” and “Used to Be” was stunning and she either sang by herself on stage or played keys in front of her band, and the lap steel guitar on “Seven Words” gave a haunting quality to that song, but the set overall was too low key to keep non-die hard fans interested.
THE MIND-NUMBING
Colin Stetson
You know what you're getting with Colin Stetson, but that doesn’t stop him from mesmerizing me every time. His Pitchfork set was his most impressive from a curatorial standpoint. Stetson picked songs that showed off his limber playing (“The Righteous Wrath of an Honorable Man”), creative percussion (“Judges”), and even Aphex Twin influences (“Between Water and Wind). Earlier this year, Stetson released an album that was good but didn’t offer much new, but during his Pitchfork set, Not one song sounded like another.
William Tyler
The word “virtuoso” is tossed around a lot, but it’s actually appropriate for William Tyler. With a great band at his side (including Phil Cook, doing double duty with Tyler and Hiss Golden Messenger), Tyler played most of last year’s Modern Country to sheer perfection. From the summery “Sunken Garden” to the described “country meets krautrock” of “I’m Gonna Live Forever”, the set was unexpectedly loud and jammy. The percussion breakdown of “Gone Clear” was even more haunting than it was on record, “The Great Unwind” noisy. He closed with “Highway Anxiety”, whose recognizable opening riffs caused anything but a sense of dread--more a sense of comfort and calm amidst a sea of festival-goers.
THE BLISTERING
Jeff Rosenstock
The most energetic set of the festival came from something I never thought I’d ever hear at Pitchfork: something resembling ska. Indeed, Jeff Rosenstock and his band played songs off of last year’s Worry to devoted fans who knew every single word. Rosenstock took the opportunity to do what he usually does--be a shithead with a sense of humor. The dynamic frontman walked out to Weird “Al” Yankovich Red Hot Chili Peppers parody “Bedrock Anthem”. He had the crowd do two different waves. He had a couple great wisecracks (“I'd like to give a shout-out to the Pitchfork worker who got fired for booking us at this festival.”) and admitted that he and his band received $7,500 to play, a hefty sum for self-labelled shitty punks but not for pretty much anybody else. All this Rosenstock brought with the desire to get the crowd to shout along, mosh, and look out for each other.
The crowd moshes--and cools off with sprayed water--during Jeff Rosenstock
Danny Brown
I’ve seen Danny Brown 3 times at Pitchfork alone, and he gets bigger and better every time. Far from the sex-obsessed weirdo who had just released XXX a year prior in 2012 (ok, not that far), this year’s clean-cut Brown didn’t need much besides his usual DJ. Without much of a breath, he burned through favorites like “Side B (Dope Song)”, “Monopoly”, and “Growin’ Up” before playing off of last year’s landmark Atrocity Exhibition. The four-punch of “Ain’t It Funny”, “Really Doe” (which he impressively delivered considering the best part of that song is Earl Sweatshirt’s verse), “When It Rain”, and “Pneumonia” showed that every time the workman comes to Pitchfork, he has a new batch to add to his growing list of classics.
THE POLITICAL
Madame Gandhi
Four years ago, Madame Gandhi found herself on a Pitchfork stage drumming for M.I.A. Four years later, she opened up Pitchfork on the same stage, this time her own show. She still did plenty of drumming--as did many of her dancers, all clad in yellow hazmat-looking suits--but mostly rapped and ready feminist literature. Too easy? Maybe, but the energy she brought to even a capella performances of her songs attracted crowd members looking to dance and feel empowered.
Priests
"You want something to move away for / A reason to colonize,” belted Priests singer Katie Alice Greer. Her stage presence and siren of a voice may have distracted a festival crowd from how subversive her lyrics are, especially on catchy songs like “JJ” and post-punk stompers like “Nothing Feels Natural”. Priests aren’t a perfect live band, either; the guitars on “JJ” were a bit out of tune, bassist Taylor Multiz’s mic was turned down too far on “Suck”, and “Nicki” was messy. But what’s important is that the same band who released Nothing Feels Natural was on display. (Drummer Daniele Daniele admirably performing the spoken word of “No Big Bang” was certainly a highlight). Love ‘em or hate ‘em, there’s nobody like Priests.
THE DISAPPOINTING
Dirty Projectors
Dirty Projectors played Pitchfork in 2012 at the top of their game, Amber Coffman and company’s harmonies the clear highlight, Dave Longstreth’s melodies and craftsmanship translating to the stage. This time around, even with the help of former Battles member Tyondai Braxton, it was painful. “Impregnable Question” missed Coffman. Longstreth’s singing on “Keep Your Name” was as out of tune as Brian Wilson was last year. “Little Bubble” failed to captivate anybody. “Up In Hudson”, the most in-tune, still ended up boring me to the point that I wanted to wait for Arca more than watch Longstreth continue to fall apart in front of an audience.
George Clinton
I could tell that George Clinton and Parliament/Funkadelic were amazing, great players, funk masters, and rappers. But this was just the classic case of bad sound and mic leveling issues making what could have been a highlight set exactly that: a big “what if.”
THE DAY-SAVING
Nicolas Jaar
At first minimal and noisy, which didn’t go well among the crowd dealing with the uncharacteristically dwindling July evening temperatures, Nicolas Jaar eventually led into a bass-heavy set more dance than anyone could have imagined. He occasionally sang-spoke into the mic but mostly stood at his laptops, his stage lights a blazing orange, his music drowning out American Football on the Blue Stage. For those wanting a party set from The Avalanches, who had to cancel their performance, this was the next best thing.
A Tribe Called Quest
I could have put A Tribe Called Quest’s set in many of these categories, but when they came on, all I could think about was how thankful I was to hear something truly energetic. The pinnacle of all no-bullshit hip-hop sets at Pitchfork, the now-trio launched right into “The Space Program” from last year’s excellent We Got It From Here… Thank You 4 Your Service. From there, they played highlights from that album but mixed in all the classics: “Excursions”, “Bonita Applebum”, “Electric Relaxation”, “Check the Rhyme”, “Can I Kick It?”, and “Award Tour”. Q Tip not only rapped but sounded great--at a stage earlier in the day experiencing sound problems, his voice rang clearly to a crowd wanting to hear him preach. Best, when any Phife Dawg verse came up, they let it play sans interruption, the screens on each side of the stage focusing on the empty microphone.
LCD Soundsystem
If I had to withstand any of Dirty Projectors and then leave Arca early, then LCD better put on a show. They did. They headlined in 2010 around the release of This Is Happening, maybe the best show I’ve ever seen. This time around, they played virtually the same set they did last year at Lollapalooza plus the two released new songs, the building “Call the Police” and night-time ditty “American Dream”. They may be a bigger band now, and they’re certainly older, but in the time they’ve been gone, you grow to appreciate not just their live brilliance, but their ability to get even curmudgeons to dance. Murphy may still be snotty; thankfully, he can still write great songs.
THE EARNEST
Vagabon
Infinite Worlds, the debut album from Vagabon, is one of the strongest debuts of the year, so it was quite the move to open with one of its most powerful songs, the slow-building “Cold Apartment”. The rest of the set, though, showed off singer and guitarist Laetitia Tamko’s finger picking and vocals. Her voice in particular was beautiful when isolated among minimal instrumentation, though at times when she tried to rise above louder songs she was out of tune. Even if not picture perfect, Tamko was not only happy to be there but left it all out on stage, performing album highlights like “Cleaning House” and “The Embers”.
The crowd watching Vagabon very intently
Hiss Golden Messenger
Hiss Golden Messenger’s brand of country rock may have fallen on deaf ears at a festival very slowly embracing genres previously maligned by the bleeding edge hip. But that’s not the fault of the band. Running through tracks from Haw, Lateness of Dancers, Heart Like a Levee, and an upcoming album, they may not have won any new fans but confirmed for the faithful why they belonged, their pleasant and easy going instrumentation and lead singer M.C. Taylor’s existential laments making for a reflective set. Their final song, a new one called “When the Wall Comes Down”, is about exactly what you think it’s about (wait six more months for an overabundance of released “wall”-related recordings), but it was none the less powerful and a statement of togetherness.
THE THEATRICAL
Kilo Kish
The set from frequent Vince Staples collaborator Kilo Kish started out with her sitting on a chair reading a copy of The New Yorker, pretending not to notice the audience. You can guess where it went from there. While her voice always sounded good, her interpretive dancing, props, and forced falls to the stage made me want to roll my eyes more than clap. With only a DJ to back her up with tracks--a strange mix of R&B, hip hop, and jazz beats--it made for one of the more disappointing fests of the festival.
PJ Harvey
The last two albums from PJ Harvey--2011′s instant classic Let England Shake and 2016′s mediocre The Hope Six Demolition Project--are both concept albums. When the first nine songs you play are from those albums, and in mixed order, it comes across like a Decemberists set on steroids. Entering with a marching band (her band consisted of both longtime collaborator John Parish and the very active ex-Bad Seed Mick Harvey) and a sax in her hand, Harvey came across as equally witchy and goofy. The jazzy “Let England Shake” went along with the black and white video of the performance, but it wasn’t until she performed three 90s favorites that the crowd went wild--“50ft Queenie”, “Down By The Water”, and “To Bring You My Love”. For how good those three sounded, the set was worth it.
#pitchfork#pitchfork music festival#nicolas jaar#vagabon#hiss golden messenger#kilo kish#pj harvey#ride#The Feelies#a tribe called quest#madame gandhi#arab strap#arca#hamilton leithauser#angel olsen#weyes blood#colin stetson#william tyler#jeff rosenstock#danny brown#priests#dirty projectors#george clinton#lcd soundsystem#solange#vince staples#parliament/funkadelic#phil cook#glenn mercer#aidan moffat
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