#ive had the 60s one for about a year & just found the 70s one at a bookshop yippeeeeee
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two catalogues of collectors items from the 60s and 70s.
60s was published 1999, 70s was 2001.
#ive had the 60s one for about a year & just found the 70s one at a bookshop yippeeeeee#60s#70s#collectors items#60s decor#70s decor#60s nostalgia#70s nostalgia#1960s#1970s
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Dude I am super excited to read about Eldritch Duke and Eldritch Bain’s backstory!!
im soo mad i had such a comprehensive answer to this post and tumblr ATE IT so now i gotta rewrite the whole thing from memory. hell on earth :[
alright i CANNOT take credit for eldritch bain thats @des-paa-cee-toeee BABYY!!! eldritch duke came about on a whim before i knew abt despaa’s take on eldritch bain but it was soooo fun learning abt this bain and throwing ideas at the wall (discord dms) to see what stuck (exploded in the microwave). i cant speak to bain's origins bc im still learning them myself but ive got some eldritch duke facts down. readmore placed below to contain the brainspill ^_^ (and it really is one hell of a brainspill like it got way longer than i intended so sorry in advance😭)
right so dukes a university student in the late 60s/early 70s(?)
hes taking part in an archaeology project with one of his classmates in a forest near his uni (studying bone fragments, arrowheads, just collecting random samples) and keeping audio logs of the whole project
his classmate strays too far and messes around in a bunch of forestbeings' turf
the beings retaliate by possessing/driving the classmate mad
classmate offs duke via rock crimes (fly high babe) and duke gets to spend some time getting acquainted with the spirits in the trees
one of the forestbeings decides that that was kinda fucked up in hindsight and takes pity on duke, searing life and consciousness back into his broken body and resurrecting him from the mud as a nothuman trapped in a mostly mortal vessel (you work with what ya got)
this process might take a while but idk if itll make up the 20 yr gap in his lifespan yet (give that hes 20ish in the 70s and shows up in pd2 in 2017 as a 50 yr old and not a 70 yr old)
i just think hes neat!
tbh idk how i actually feel abt writing this duke au given that i think im also writing some other stuff rn but i looove gnawing on it when im spaced out during class its like my screensaver. i actually started a little smthg as a sort of taste-test for this au where its a police report on the case of duke's initial disappearance in the 70s, documenting the weird facts from an in-universe after-the-fact pov (i am such a sucker for dramatic irony its not funny) and working through the story in the form of aforementioned audio logs. pasting the scraps below
~
Friends initially report 20-year-old August Lindenhurst missing on August 18th, 1968.
Over summer break, Lindenhurst had been taking part in a month-long personal project proposed by 19-year-old Gillian 'Gill' Dorsey, both students at Dennington University. Classmates became concerned when the project's allotted time period ended and Lindenhurst had still not returned to campus. He and Dorsey were last seen entering the forest behind the main building (see map in addendum 2A) with bags one month prior. Investigators organized search teams, which found their equipment still intact in a makeshift bell tent approximately 1.8 miles from campus, and CSI later noted that the project seemed largely archaeological in nature. Around the same time the tent was discovered, a welfare check conducted on Dorsey's dorm discovered her partially decomposed body still in bed (Dorsey case filed separately, though it shares many unusual circumstances with this one).
CSI recovered a collection of microtapes from the tent in the forest, dated throughout the month as audio logs leading up to Lindenhurst's disappearance. Detective Greene was able to transcribe a majority of the logs’ content despite questionable integrity following recent storms. Following analysis of the tapes, the Lindenhurst case was changed from missing persons to homicide. Transcripts deemed relevant to the case are attached below (transcripts for the rest of the tapes available in addendum 2F).
~
and then the transcript of the first tape starts! from there the rest of the story plays out over multiple tapes as duke n his classmate (using gill dorsey as a placeholder name for no reason in particular) pick through tiny buried oddities over the course of about a month. all the while we see signs that theres Something In These Woods thrown in (discussing strange dreams in passing, unidentified voices heard on tape, odd changes in behavior seen in casual conversation, etc) leading up to the discovery of The Final Tape later on in the case, recorded on the day the project was supposed to end
~
The original recorder was recovered in a clearing approx. 600 feet from the tent. Clear signs of a fight present in surroundings (see addendum 3A-3G). Blood at the scene matched with Lindenhurst. The recorder still contained the most recent (presumably final) microtape inside. Det. Greene reassigned for transcription.
~
and then we get into the nitty gritty of the day of the attack. the report basically concludes with “well that was fucked up” given that lindenhurst’s killer classmate is also dead under mysterious circumstances (found in bed with their mouth and lungs all full of dirt, more thoughts on that but this post is more than long enough rn) so theres kinda. no one to prosecute. the story itself ends with the whole case file being completely wiped by bain, revealing that we were just reading the report along with him the entire time as part of a background check on duke. hes troubled by the implications to say the least, like sorry man you found more than you bargained for in this funky crime grandpa!! the whole ‘coming back nothuman’ thing isnt super covered in this version of the story bc it is still just a police report and obvs cant have ALL the details but that does still happen
thoughts n suggestions n corrections welcome i love having thoughts and making words i love it to bloody pieces. i love kneading ideas in my brain like dough. also ty for reading this far mwah 😭 😭 😭
#nonpd2 mutuals if u see this NO tf u dont. im sorryfhrjrgjg#this is the first time ive ever posted fandom writing anywhere and it might just be the most embarrassing thing ive ever done#i keep telling myself 'do not start a writing blog babygirl thats the devil talking' but it gets harder every day... the ultimate temptation#the way this is a mile long in my post editor has me running and hiding like i genuinely cannot stfu abt this old man. im squeezing him#SORRY IM SO SORRY IM BOWING DOWN WITH MY FOREHEAD ON THE GROUND AND CONTINUOUSLY POURING DIRT OVER MY HEAD AS PPL WALK PAST IM SORRY#normal content will return eventually i promise im just. so soooo im srsly going thru it#AND TY despaaceetoeee for the submission TY for the lore TY for the encouragement i owe you EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!
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Papa speaks! Q&A with Ghost’s Tobias Forge ahead of El Paso show
By Vincent Arrieta / El Paso Inc. Feb 25, 2022
“Ghost is a little bit more androgynous, and that may be a little bit of a red flag to some people”
Swedish heavy rock show-stopper Ghost is coming to El Paso, co-headlining alongside Volbeat at 7 p.m. Monday, Feb. 28 at the Don Haskins Center with special guests Twin Temple.
El Paso Inc. caught up with the band’s front man, Tobias Forge, who on-stage, leads the band of nameless ghouls as the devilish Papa Emeritus IV. He spoke about Ghost’s upcoming fifth album “Impera,” his love for “divorce rock,” and whether he’ll ever work with Taylor Swift’s producer.
Q: Tell us about your love for Blue Öyster Cult.
I think that the BÖC thing has been a little bit overblown because people at the beginning of our career were skeptical. They thought we just copied everything from them because we made a sort of 70s rock with fine-tuned vocals on it.
This is in no way or form or shape a diss towards BÖC, I am a fan, but they have never really meant as much as people think. I love a lot of that 70s divorce rock – big, grown men rock as opposed to punk rock. ... In general, bands like Boston, Foreigner or Genesis are probably higher up on that sort of AOR list for me.
Q: Did you call it ‘divorce rock?’
Yeah! Because they were always about divorce. They were always about love. If you listen to Boston, Journey, Kansas, Toto – it’s always grown men going though a divorce. … It’s always ‘Oh Diane! We spent some years together…’ you know?
That’s why I call it adult-oriented rock. It’s nice hi-fi, well-produced, with really good vocals. I love that stuff, and Ghost was always inspired by that, combined with more youthful extreme rock, punk, and metal that has a little more of an adolescent bite to it.
Q: Many metal bands are afraid to get too hooky, but bands like Ghost and Volbeat often flash a hooky set of teeth. Is part of that being from Sweden, where many pop music producers/writers are from?
I’m very radio driven. I had popular youth culture since day one. There were no boundaries. I was exposed to a lot of music.
My Mom was born in the 40s, so she had the whole 60s thing: Beatles, Stones, Pink Floyd, Janis Joplin, Jimi Hendrix, Bob Dylan, Neil Young. My brother was very much a music lover. I got hard rock and punk rock from him. He liked a lot of pop music as well.
All of that combined is definitely why Ghost is what it is. It’s a combination of top 40 rock music from the 80s – and that could be anything from Nik Kershaw to Survivor. “Total Eclipse of the Heart,” “Moonlight Shadow,” “Owner of a Lonely Heart.”
Q: Funny that you mention ‘Total Eclipse of the Heart’ because Bonnie Tyler covered a Blue Öyster Cult song on ‘Going Through the Motions.’
I think what has really polluted the (metal) genre over the last 40 years is that a lot of bands have always played rock music in order to sound like a specific band. In the 70s, every band wanted to sound like Led Zeppelin, Deep Purple, or Black Sabbath, depending on your level of stonerness, I guess.
Or, if you like makeup, you wanted to sound like Kiss or The Sweet. In the 80s, you had your Judas Priest fans, your Maiden fans, your Venom fans, and your Kreator fans.
If you go down to the demo level of bands that never really made it, they sound like a clone of those bands. And if you look at a band photo, all of them are wearing shirts from that band.
I was always keen – even in my old death metal bands – to combine influences. Whatever I was listening to found its way in there, like melodies. They were hidden, but I could still point at something like, a transition that was taken from Blondie or whatever…
Ghost is a little bit more androgynous, and that may be a little bit of a red flag to some people.
Q: Have you ever wanted to work with Max Martin, the producer for Taylor Swift, Katy Perry, P!nk, The Weeknd and Coldplay?
That would be great! We’re sort of in each other’s orbits in a way. Klas Ahlund (producer), who I’ve done two records with, is very good friends with him. …
One thing that’s important to know when it comes to songwriters and co-writers is that the ones that I’m working with are the ones that I do have a relationship with and have already worked with. We’re working together because we have a thing ...
I’ve been trying to write with others, but it doesn’t work, because if you don’t have a spark, then it doesn’t work.
Q: Every Ghost record had a different producer until now. What made you go back to Klas?
The thing is you need to keep moving so that you don’t get stuck in friendly comfortable mode. “Meliora,” the record I made with Klas, was really good, but the recording and the production itself left a few things to be improved. ...
When time came to record “Impera,” the writing and demoing had been done in 2020. But in early 2021, the American producer who was supposed to make the record couldn’t come because of the travel restrictions, and I couldn’t go to America.
And because Klas is also a very scheduled person, he had a project lined up that fell through. All of a sudden, he had a few months off, and I was like, “That is well-timed, because I don’t have a producer, would you like to produce the record?”
#the band ghost#tobias forge#interview#can we stop asking him about Blue Öyster Cult now?#thank you lol
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Iconic Fanfictions ive read two years ago and what I currently remember of them:
I will premise this by saying that these fanfics were famous only in certain specific niches of the internet, and that when i say that a work is badly written or i critique it in anyway it?s just my opinion from what i vaguely remember, whihch might not be correct.
Fanfics below the cut: filthy lucre, asotm, twist and shout, the hat and lung fics, anatomy of a fall, throam, unholyverse. feelfree to add what you remember of “famous fanfics” you’ve read.
tw for mentions of: sexual assault, violence, animal abuse, pedophilia and some other upsetting topics.
The Milk Fic
Oh my God this was bad but not nearly as extreme as other fics. An iconic and shocking read i do not recommend, but if you really want to read it it will not ruin your life, your month at most.
From what i remember at least the sex was consensual aaaaaaand i don’t remember any other good/decent aspects about it.
Very famous, a lot of ppl have read it, gerard way said it was “well-written” but honestly it wasn’t.
( original? ryden version) 4/10 because of lack of actual crimes.
Filthy Lucre
So bad i don’t remember the plot. They’re prostitutes i think? there definitely was an abusive relationship and the sex scenes were so bad i had to skip all of them, meaning i read the whole thing in half an hour.
Really terrible, they don’t end up toghether and that’s the only interesting element. I recomend no one reads this unless you are literally dying of boredom.
(frerard version) 1/10 because its a completed work, but at what cost
Twist and Shout
This is considered one of the good ones and you know what? for iconic fanfiction standards it’s not bad at all, decently-written with actual characters that don’t feel, like most fanfic characters, like bad ooc versions of the original.
How about the overcomplicated plot tho? I don’t remember a thing except for the homophobia (its set in the 50s-60s), the war, the Elvis songs, one cute sad beach scene and one of the protagonists dying of aids. Maybe they also watch star trek,idk; lots to unpack.
If you want to suffer and you have lots of free time i recommend it, i skipped most of the sex scenes but there is an actual plot so that was not a problem.
(original Destiel version) 8/10 bc I don’t remember how they handled the aids thing but it made me uncomfortable, might be just bc of the upsetting subject matter but i don’t remember
The Hat Fic
DO NOT READ THIS THING. Go read the milk fic if you want weird but not this one please. A milk enema is NOTHING. Contains animal abuse and i don’t remember how consensual the whole thing was.
I CAN ASSURE YOU THIS MAKES ME WANT TO PUKE TO THIS DAY I FEEL SICK WRITING THIS. There is a whole subset of early phanfiction centered on being as disgusting and upsetting as possible and i think this started it.
I higly doubt anyone got off on this but still the possibility unsettles me.
(original phan version ) -8233983743764346/10 should be illigal to talk about it. We should all agree to Damnatio Memoriae this thing.
A splitting of the Mind
Some people insist on treating this as one of the good iconic fics but it’s bad.
So bad its actually an interesting read if you feel like analizing some text, trying to see what is so appealing about it, despite its evident flaws.
The age gap is 19-16 so not as bad as the Other Iconic mcr Fanfic About Doves that i did not read bc from what i remember it was basically pedophilia/grooming but i might be wrong. God the bar is so low
Portrayal of mantal illness and trauma was truly a shitshow, the writing was not great but also not horrible. The sexual assault elements upset me greatly but it might be just bc of the subject matter
pros: unreliable narrator done decently, ray toro’s character saw the future looking in cereal, characters are characters and not merely names (not to be confused with actual good characterization), nothing else.
(original frerard version) 5/10 for the effort honestly, but i do not recommend this unless you are mentally ready for some heavy topics handled poorly.
The Lung Fic
This was written with the goal of shocking the reader, in the same vein as all hat fic/ milk fic copycats.
Should be more upsetting, given it contains gore, pedophilia and a bunch of other disgusting madness (maybe mpreg?), but it just reads as a fanfiction taboo list.
Not worth reading at all, clearly intentionally designed to shock and disgust to the point where it’s obvious.
0/10 i don’te remember which version, irrelevant, don’t waste your time
Anatomy of a fall
Contains ghosts, high school au, possibly resurrection or death, idk.
I don’t remember this being particularly offensive in any way, but its been a long time. Then again i did not read the sex scenes so it might contain necrophilia and i wouldn’t know. (i checked and no necrophilia, just “weird supernatural sex”)
is it well written? no, but it’s not outragiously badly-written. Is it funny sometimes? yes.
In the context of this list, this might be a good one, in any other context probably not. I might be biased bc i love ghost stories in general and this one does not contain sexual assault if i remember correcly. (The bar is soooo low)
(original? frerard version) 7/10 bc ghosts and funny aND IT HAS ILLUSTRATIONS (vietnamese translation available)
The Heart Rate of a Mouse
Good but not in the classical meaning of the word. It contains some Hot TakesTM on human sexuality, substance abuse and unhealthy relationship(s).
Its set in the 70s so the homophobia is there and she is thriving. Wonderful internalized homophobia, really 10/10 for that.
The sex and the plot sometimes intersect, putting me in the uncomfortable position of having to read smut or not knowiong what is going on (0/10 ).
Well written for the genre (=beloved fanfictions that are rarely redeemable); characters are original and flawed, even interesting sometimes.
The plot is three pubblished books worth of plot available for free on the internet and that is a blessing. I suggest reading this as if all the characters are OCs and you found this book forgotten on the train and decided to read it.
But is it actually good as a story? idk its a lot honestly, if you have to quarantine for 14 days bc of covid and you don’t have anything to study, this will fill at least 4 full days of reading.
(original version)8/10 bc it has everithing but its still not a masterpiece of modern fanfic literature sorry
Unholyverse
Contains Demons, priests, scarfs, exorcisms(affectionate), vergin mary tatoos and much more. Not as carefully written as throam or tas, but it still makes it as one of the good fanfics solely for the cool factor.
It would be so cool if this was better written and a comicbook or a grafic novel with original characters.( I skipped all the sex scenes bc they made me uncomfy, as usual so idkwhat was going on there)
If there was anything extremely upsetting about this one i forgot about it (i checked: they say “ warnings for religious themes, pain, trauma, blood, torture and death”). There is a lot of plot, its not even just one fic its a whole serie.
Great for passing the time, I forgot most of it 7/10 for the demons (original version)
#throam#asotm#milk fic#twist and shout#filthy lucre#unholyverse#uhv#hat fic#lung fic#anatomy of a fall#i did this so no one has to#iconic fic list#none of them is actually good#and all of them are results of the internet's 2015's slash paring of the month obsession#fanfiction
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good god almighty. here is part 4. somehow longer than the other parts. somehow with more Emotions. i decided to not be vague and call the spades spades. this one is more nsfw because of things étienne mentions.
again, minor character death and lots of introspection ha ha .
ive been working on the beast for like almost a month now. part 5 aint even done. im so glad i hacked it up in the end.
PART IV
“The 60s were good with that – for forgetting and moving on. There was – or seemed to be this renewed sense of freedom, as if the people were finding their true purpose in the city. A great big curtain was being pulled back and we were given the opportunity to redefine ourselves. It felt like hope, in a way and with the distance put with the church, I felt I could breathe a little more and I was able to find myself. By the time Expo rolled around, it gave me purpose – something to do. The energy in the city was astounding. The projects people were coming up with – the possibilities they were unveiling – I had never felt something like that. I thought for sure this energy would see us through the next one hundred years; we’d be feeding off of it and returning to it for years to come. It would be our source of creation. Everyone seemed to be excited; the world was literally in our backyard and it felt good to bask in the attention.”
It made sense for Étienne to have Expo, considering how good he was at catering to others – at giving them the good time they wanted. He thrived in giant crowds and lived for the attention. Plus, at the time, Montreal really did feel as though it was the center of Canada. It still felt like an other-worldly experience and there were still times when Edward wasn’t convinced Expo hadn’t been one massive hallucination. And he’d only been a small part of it, unlike Étienne who had lived every stage of it.
“With the change of decade, going into the 70s, I expected much of the same – moving forward, the endless possibilities of the future and such. For the first time in a long time, I was actually looking forward to having more time – to being immortal and being able to experience every change. To make new connections. Expand and broaden the horizons and such.”
“And then it all went to shit, starting with the October crisis. There was a lot that happened in the 70’s and not everything was bad, but for me, personally, it was a series of euphoric highs and devastating lows. In the same breath of the Crisis there would be a Cup win, then there was the Exodus, the language debacles and it never seemed to end. Up and down and up and down. One giant roller coaster that never gave me a chance to catch my breath. It was hard to feel anything let alone make it constant. It took a toll – added up and left me reeling in ways I had never thought possible. I couldn’t finish celebrating the Cup that I would get notified that something terrible had just happened. I would be relishing in disco and there’d be a murder. It was too fucking much. I couldn’t take it anymore. Everything I had worked so hard to build was slowly being torn from my hands and what was left didn’t seem to matter enough. The proverbial carpet had been yanked from under my feet and no matter how many times I tried to get up, I just kept falling and falling and falling... there was no end in sight.”
Their correspondence at that time had petered off, somewhat. They’d both ended up in unpleasant situations and the last thing Edward had wanted to do was to take a pen and write to his friend to let him know how miserable he was. There’d been times when he’d wondered if his friend hadn’t found out about his fate and had left him for dead as well and it had only been later – much later – that he’d found out through Étienne exactly why he hadn’t written as often, if at all, for a few years.
“I’m not exactly proud of what I ended up doing, but it seemed like the right solution at the time. I was a mess. I needed help but I didn’t realise it and I wasn’t sure there even was such help for such a lost cause. Working the streets and the clubs were as much self-punishment as they were the only place I felt I could succeed. It was easy to spread my legs to let some random guy fuck me in an alley. It was easy to pretend to be someone else. It was easy to get down on my knees and suck them off. It was easy to let others use me as they wanted and write it off as being unworthy of anything else. This was where I belonged – with the outcasts and the has beens.”
There’s a shuddering breath that’s released and Edward has no idea if it’s his or Étienne’s. He’s astounded his boyfriend is willingly talking of this chapter of his life. It had taken years for Étienne to even speak of it to him and the confession had been a quiet halting thing that had taken him a while to piece together.
Yet, despite finding out, it hadn’t changed Edward’s opinion of him. If anything, he had found Étienne brave and courageous for telling him about it and his heart had ached for him even more. Étienne was worthy. Étienne wasn’t a failure and he succeeded at so many other wonderful things. In his opinion, he was still as relevant as before and had never been an outcast or a has been. He was still a leader and trail blazer in his own right, even if Étienne himself didn’t always realise it.
“When they gave me the Olympics,” Étienne goes on, once more showing that he is brave and more than the terrible things that he had gone through, “I hoped this would be the shot I needed – that it would be as wonderful as Expo had. If anything, it would be on a smaller scale than Expo. It would be a piece of cake, I figured. At least, they’d given me the Olympics in a timely way and not last minute. Therefore, there would be no excuses to fail. but for as much as Expo felt like a fever dream doused with magic, the Olympics were harder to get going. There were so many things that went wrong. So many strikes. So much corruption. The magic was gone. It was the opposite of what I needed and it just drove me further down my own spiral.
“So I went for the drugs and the sex. One made me feel when I was numb, one numbed everything when I felt too much. And the sex was as much a means to an end as what seemed to be the only thing I could properly deliver. So I stuck to it. Went in and out of these phases. Went on the biggest of benders, woke up in places I had no recollection of going to and such. Drove Élyse nuts. But it didn’t matter to me; I’d still be alive, so who cared what I put myself through?”
Edward wants to say that there were many who cared, but he knows that it would fall on deaf ears. He gets what Étienne means by it, but it still hurts him that his boyfriend had had to go through all of this. He gives his hand another squeeze and if anything, Étienne offers him a small smile, acknowledging the gesture.
“I was all over the place and when I finally met Koffey, shortly after the Olympics, it was quite by accident and he took me by surprise.”
“Everything about our relationship was different than the others I’d been in up until then. For starters, it didn’t happen the way the others had. It wasn’t the usual meet, sex and eventually develop feelings. He’d been living in the city for a few years when we met. He’d immigrated here, in search for a new adventure – ahead of the wave that would come later on. He’d decided to open up a restaurant, bringing us the local flavors of his own country. I stumbled there, quite by accident and I was most likely high and not even fully coherent. To be honest, I can’t even say I remember that day; he’s the one who told me later on.”
“I ended up returning. Later. On a better day. I think I was convinced it was my first time here, but Koffey was a little wary of seeing me again. Apparently, I had been a little rowdy on my first visit... Yet, he still gave me a chance and was still very polite while he served me, if a little guarded. I felt bad, so I returned and the more I went back, the more I was drawn – by him, his cuisine, and his quiet sense of humour and intelligence.”
“He eventually realised I wasn’t a complete asshole and he’d start coming to talk to me when the restaurant was quiet. He was – a breath of fresh air, really and at the time the one good thing I had going on. It felt like being thrown a lifeboat – something to hang on to while I tried not to drown – by my thoughts, my life, the shit-show burning around me. A beacon of hope and light I clung to desperately.”
“I honestly didn’t even think Koffey was interested in men. It surprised me, when one day, I hung around until the restaurant closed. I waited for him out in the back, not wanting to go home just yet. I also didn’t think going home just yet would be wise. I was still all over the place and I knew that if I went home I’d end up using or doing something even stupider. Having a friend helped keeping my thoughts on track. Koffey, without knowing what was going on in my head, helped keep my mind quiet. I wanted to know more about him and his life, so I focused on that. Anyways, it’d been a quiet night and we’d been having a grand old time chatting. I thought maybe we could walk around and bum out in a park. Summer was starting to settle in for good and it was a perfect night out. Warm and this side of humid, with a gentle breeze to make it pleasant.”
Edward has his own thoughts and ideas about the description of the weather, but he schools his face in a neutral expression and listens on.
“He was surprised to see me out back, but pleased and we picked up our conversation from where we’d left off. We ended up taking the long way back to his. I didn’t mind having to walk back to mine after and the extra detour would do me some good. However, he invited me in for a beer and I obviously said yes. He was my friend, after all and the thought of a cold beer to end the night sounded great.”
“We must have spent a few more hours drinking beer and talking and somewhere along the line, he leaned in and kissed me. Completely unprompted. I was shocked and surprised and at first he thought I wasn’t interested, since I hadn’t kissed him back. He must have apologised at least a dozen times. It was quite funny, really. I’d keep trying to tell him that it was fine, but he wouldn’t listen. And the more he went on, the more afraid he was that I’d do something to him – which was quite sobering, let me tell you. I finally took matters in my own hands and kissed him myself. We’d been hanging around together for months, by then and had I known, I would have put a move on him sooner, maybe. The kiss finally got him to stop apologising and for a moment after that all we did was make-out on his couch like all the terrible clichés in movies.” He laughs at that, fond, as he twiddles with an unlit cigarette. “It was so different, though – soft and tender. Nicholas had been very forward with his kissing that first time. I knew we would end up in his bed the moment he kissed me, whereas with Koffey – it almost felt hesitant and cautious and I thought that was lovely.”
“He still asked afterwards if I was that way, which I thought was both endearing and silly – considering I had just kissed him and wouldn’t have minded him kissing him some more. I assured him that I was and to prove my point, I kissed him again. I recall teasing him about it later, asking him if he needed another kiss to be sure I was into men. He thought I was being ridiculous, which was saying something.”
There’s a gentle, soft smile that graces Étienne’s features, not for the first time during their talk, and Edward wonders what memories his boyfriend is reliving – what images his brain has conjured for him to revisit. He’s glad, though, that despite the heartache that Étienne still has fond memories of Koffey to go back to.
“I wasn’t in love with him – not at that point, but I was certainly drawn to him. He was – beautiful. On the outside as much as on the inside; a gentle soul, really. I would have willingly gone to bed with him that night, but he insisted we wait a little and take things slow. This had never really happened and even though I was a little annoyed, I didn’t push the issue and floated back home after one last kiss.”
“He actually – I swear, the next time I went to see him, he actually asked me out on a proper date. He was too much! And I couldn’t believe that a man like Koffey, sweet and gentle and kind, would want to date me who felt broken and used and soiled in so many ways. But he saw beyond that and insisted we go on a proper date before we went to bed together and so I said yes; because I did really want him and I loved his company.”
“Our first date was nothing extraordinary, but it was nice – to be taken out – to feel as though I was worthy of someone’s attention and affection again. It was almost as good as a high. He took me out to dinner and then insisted we go to a movie and he was so gallant about the whole thing. He paid for the meal and for the ticket and don’t ask me how the movie ended, because halfway through we started making-out in the back and before the movie ended we left to go back to his.”
“Koffey was – so very sweet to me. Our first time together felt like something out of a romance movie. There was no frenetic urgency to it. It wasn’t just sex because he wanted a fast way to get to his release. He made love to me. Me! It boggled my mind. He kissed and caressed every bit of me that felt broken and used. It was – wonderful and too much and I tried changing the pace to something that felt less consuming ‘cause I couldn’t handle so much love being given to me, but he kept on finding ways to make it less about the sex and more about us and I couldn’t take it. I eventually broke down in tears.”
“And get this – he thought he, of all people, had done something wrong to me – that he’d hurt me in some way. I came clean to him. Told him everything. As much as I could. The drugs, the streets – the fall from grace. Every last ugly truth came out as he held me in his arms and made sure I understood I was someone worthy of love again. I felt stupid for breaking down and felt even worse for needing him to comfort me. And despite that, there were still things I couldn’t tell him. He tried asking about what was bothering me – because he could tell. Even when I lied – he could always tell when there was more – when everything in my head was too loud, but it was hard to explain. I couldn’t just say oh by the way, I’m semi-immortal and I represent a city. Yeah, fucked up I know, but I swear that’s not the acid talking.”
“It wasn’t stupid,” Edward breaks. He knows Étienne is in a better place now, but he also knows his boyfriend is still prone to great bouts of self-doubt that do more harm than good to him. He’d hate to think that Étienne still feels that way.
“I know,” Étienne responds quickly. Edward wonders if he isn’t deflecting, but he figures Étienne’s heart has been scorched raw enough for the day that he can let it slide for this time.
“You’ve always been worthy of love,” He adds softly and Étienne stills for a moment.
“I know.” He says again, but it sounds different this time around; a little more vulnerable and fragile. Edward wants to gather him in his own arms and hold him tightly, but instead he keeps hold of his hand and lets Étienne carry on with his story.
“I made it up to him, later, once the storm had passed. I didn’t want him to think that I would be some emotional weight to him. He’d wanted sex so I made sure to deliver. He was still very sweet and loving with me and I tried to ignore it. I focused on making it good for him so that he wouldn’t toss me to the side and in my mind it worked. Yet, thinking back, there were still times when I felt like he was onto me. Like he knew when I was faking it for both our benefits, but he let me be.”
“Still, for as much as Koffey was good for me and to me, he wasn’t a cure to all my problems. It would’ve been too easy. He helped – more than he probably ever realised, but I was still reckless and I still fluctuated. Bad days and worse days. On those, he’d simply hold me in his arms and let me cry in them.
Sometimes there’d be an okay day. He made it tolerable. To be alive. Made the sharp edges rounder. Made me feel like I could hang on another day. And there were those times when I felt like I genuinely wanted to be around – for him. I wanted to take him somewhere or kiss him again. I wanted to tell him some funny story I had heard or simply go to bed with him one more time. So I stuck it out and tried to survive.”
“He was so kind and patient with me. He loved me, despite what I was and how I was. He loved me even when I couldn’t love myself. God, I never deserved him. He was too good for me and to me. And somehow, I repaid his kindness by making him sick and killing him!”
“You don’t know that for sure.” Edward replies quickly, without thinking.
He remembers the visit. Remembers finding out about the real significance of Koffey. Of going over to visit Étienne and finding him distraught and broken hearted. Of Étienne bringing him to the cemetery. The breakdown and the tears. The trembling murmured admissions of guilt. The dawning connection he’d made.
Edward had been in his own headspace at the time and their correspondence had petered out, hence his grasp of Koffey’s role in Étienne’s life had been lacking in some regards. But standing by that grave, with his friend opening up about him and telling him what had happened had marked Edward.
“I may as well have, Edward.” Étienne snaps. He lights up the cigarette he’d been previously playing with and takes a long drag from it. “He died and it was all my fault. I couldn’t even – I wasn’t even there when he died. I was too afraid. And ashamed. I was a coward. He’d chosen me and I may as well have tossed him out.” He flicks the ash with more force than necessary and when Edward spares him a glance, he sees the storm of hate and shame fight in Étienne’s eyes through his unshed tears. “He deserved better – after everything he did for me and I repaid his kindness by being a coward.”
Edward knows that there’s no sense in telling Étienne that it’s not his fault. His boyfriend will keep berating himself until he runs out of steam and he supposes that it’s best to let him be and wait it out. Yet, it doesn’t sit well with him to have Étienne react this way. Sure, he could have been responsible for Koffey getting sick, but at the same time, there was no actual proof. He hates that it still eats Étienne alive and part of him wants to take him by the shoulders, shake him, and tell him to convince himself otherwise. Especially if it’ll help him move on. But – he’s known Étienne for too long and knows that such actions will do him no good.
Instead, he waits and starts to itch for a cigarette of his own. He settles instead for a deep breath and then another. He thinks back to his own response to the crises. To the way he’d taken action. The misery and heartache he’d seen and lived. The friends he’d lost. The ones he’d buried. He thinks of running to Montreal to get away from it all and leaning on Étienne for a chance to forget and leave it all behind. There’s an irony here he still hasn’t fully grasped but it’s a reflection for a different day. There’s already enough that’s been looked over for one day.
“I don’t think he would have wanted you to beat yourself over it,” He offers instead. Étienne sniffs loudly and doesn’t give him an answer. Instead, he remains quiet, fighting with his own demons.
“You never did tell me why you called him Koffey,” Edward tries again, minutes later, when he feels that the mood has shifted once more and that Étienne has calmed down some. Perhaps this approach will work better, he thinks.
Étienne sniffles and rubs at his eyes, “Oh,” He starts and a small smile deigns to make an appearance on his face, which Edward is thankful for. “Apparently, his regular customers used to call him that. He thought it was hysterical and he never really liked his own name. I never questioned it beyond that and it stuck.”
Étienne grows silent after that and turns reflective. Even Mercury seems to sense the shift in mood and nuzzles her way up to his arms for cuddles. The distraction serves its purpose and Étienne focuses on her for a while, caressing her fur and scratching her behind the ears, which she seems to enjoy, if Edward is to judge by the wagging of her tail. He watches and lets them be for a while, glad the dog can help where he can’t.
“You would’ve liked him,” Étienne quietly says after a while. He’s not looking at him, hands still buried deep in Mercury’s dark coat, but Edward doesn’t mind.
“I’m sure I would have – he sounds like a great guy.”
“The greatest.”
Not for the first time, Edward wonders if Étienne’s feelings hadn’t become tainted with guilt over the years. He doesn’t question Étienne’s love for Koffey, but he wonders if the circumstances of his death haven’t left a lasting grip on him that wouldn’t have otherwise been there if the man had died of natural causes at a ripe old age. The wounds are still too raw and fresh to ask, so he lets the matter rest and figures that there will be other occasions to ask.
They fall silent after that, both lost again in their own thoughts. He hears the occasional snuffle from Mercury and sends out a silent prayer of thanks to whatever higher power there might be out there for her presence in Étienne’s life. In the few years Étienne has had her, he already sees the difference and impact she’s made in his life.
Eventually, Mercury settles back on Étienne’s side and his friend leaves a hand around her neck, absent-mindedly stroking her dark coat, while he reaches out for Edward’s own hand with his other. Edward is a little surprised, but he doesn’t mind and let’s Étienne play with his fingers. He traces the lines on his hand with the edge of a nail and draws loops with it afterwards. Edward watches the movement carefully with his eyes and finds it oddly grounding in a way. He hadn’t realised he’d felt a little unmoored by these tales and he wonders, not for the first time, just how attuned to him Étienne really is.
They settle around each other, the breeze gently ruffling their hair and Edward takes a deep breath to process some of what he’s just heard.
“And shortly after Koffey died, while I was still mourning him and hating myself for everything I had done, you came along at both the best and worst moment of my life.”
--
Part III
Part V
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for the ask game
All of them
For both of them
holy shit thats a lot under the cut :
01: Do you have a good relationship with your parents
ehhh its complicated
02: Who did you last say “I love you” to?
umm i dont remember
03: Do you regret anything?
many things
04: Are you insecure?
yeah
05: What is your relationship status?
single
06: How do you want to die?
in my sleep
07: What did you last eat?
uhhh pancakes
08: Played any sports?
i hate doing any physical activities
09: Do you bite your nails?
nope. never did
10: When was your last physical fight?
last week
11: Do you like someone?
nope
12: Have you ever stayed up 48 hours?
nope
13: Do you hate anyone at the moment?
nope
14: Do you miss someone?
yup
15: Have any pets?
nope
16: How exactly are you feeling at the moment?
bored
17: Ever made out in the bathroom?
obviously not
18: Are you scared of spiders?
yes
19: Would you go back in time if you were given the chance?
yes
20: Where was the last place you snogged someone?
bish im too young for all that shit
21: What are your plans for this weekend?
umm no plans?
22: Do you want to have kids? How many?
i dont want any kids
23: Do you have piercings? How many?
one on each ear
24: What is/are/were your best subject(s)?
math, social studies, english
25: Do you miss anyone from your past?
uhhh idkskdnfebh
26: What are you craving right now?
food
30: What’s irritating you right now?
stomach and wrist ache
31: Does somebody love you?
idk
32: What is your favourite color?
purple
33: Do you have trust issues?
not really
34: Who/what was your last dream about?
oh my god it was so weird it cannot be explained, wasnt really about someone
35: Who was the last person you cried in front of?
my sis
36: Do you give out second chances too easily?
uhh idk
37: Is it easier to forgive or forget?
forget
38: Is this year the best year of your life?
nope not at all
39: How old were you when you had your first kiss?
too young
40: Have you ever walked outside completely naked?
no ofc not
51: Favourite food?
im indecisive
52: Do you believe everything happens for a reason?
nope
53: What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night?
put my phone to charge
54: Is cheating ever okay?
depends what kind of cheating. in relationships? no. in tests? depends
55: Are you mean?
when im in a bad mood
56: How many people have you fist fought?
3-4
57: Do you believe in true love?
yeah
58: Favourite weather?
i hate all weathers
59: Do you like the snow?
yes but ive only actually gotten to see it like once
60: Do you wanna get married?
idk
62: What makes you happy?
music, books, food, people listening to me, getting my way, sleep
63: Would you change your name?
nah
65: Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?
idk depends
66: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around?
no
67: Who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to?
my dad? does that count? if not, my classmate
68: Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?
my bsf
69: Do you believe in soulmates?
umm i believe in them, but i think everyone has more than one soulmate, and soulmates can be ur friends too
70: Is there anyone you would die for?
not really
if someone wanted to really understand you, what would they read, watch, and listen to?
idk
have you ever found a writer who thinks just like you? if so, who?
nope
list your fandoms and one character from each that you identify with.
Grishaverse - nina
The Shadowhunter Chronicles - julian, emma
Riordanverse - annabeth
KOTLC - biana
The Umbrella Academy - none really
Julie and the Phantoms - julie
Brooklyn 99 - gina
Red White and Royal Blue - june
Agents of SHIELD - daisy
The Pandava Quintet - Aru
Harry Potter - hermione
do you like your name? is there another name you think would fit you better?
i like it
do you think of yourself as a human being or a human doing? do you identify yourself by the things you do?
umm? idk
are you religious/spiritual?
nope
do you care about your ethnicity?
uhh idk
what musical artists have you most felt connected to over your lifetime?
taylor, olivia, louis
are you an artist?
nope
do you have a creed?
whut does that mean
describe your ideal day.
me just reading a book and eating, nothing else
dog person or cat person?
cat
inside or outdoors?
inside
are you a musician?
yes
five most influential books over your lifetime.
i? dont really know?
if you’d grown up in a different environment, do you think you’d have turned out the same?
no
would you say your tumblr is a fair representation of the “real you”?
hmm...kinda
what’s your patronus?
idk
which Harry Potter house would you be in? or are you a muggle?
slytherin
would you rather be in Middle Earth, Narnia, Hogwarts, or somewhere else?
hogwarts
do you love easily?
yeah
list the top five things you spend the most time doing, in order.
procrastinating, listening to music/singing, reading, being on tumblr, wasting time
how often would you want to see your family every year?
ever month once
have you ever felt like you had a “mind-meld” with someone?
uhh no?
could you live as a hermit?
nope
how would you describe your gender/sexuality?
im cis and straight
do you feel like your outside appearance is a fair representation of the “real you”?
no
on a scale from 1 to 10, how hard is it for someone to get under your skin?
thats easy. 1
three songs that you connect with right now.
this is me trying, brutal, jealousy jealousy
pick one of your favorite quotes.
dont really have any
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Symphonytale Story Overview
Theme Song: Face My Fears by Hikaru Utada
Year 0 - Year 50: The Void
Gaster is stuck in the void after his world crashes. He attempts to stay sane while he tries to reconstruct his world. Failure after failure he gives up hope. He finds a connection in the core code that links his world to the multiverse. He tries everything to escape but because his code and the code of the Void are linked, he can’t escape without his soul crumbling.
Song: Echo by Gumi
Year 50 - Year 60: The creation
Gaster decides to find a way to cope with the loneliness instead. He creates two copies of himself but they are only husks without emotion or life. He finds music is the only thing left in the core code with emotion and infuses it into the soul of the copies. They come to life but they were incomplete just like he was. He edited their core code within their souls to make them unique, creating two skeletons names Rhythm and Melody.
Song: Electric Angel by Rin & Len Kagamine
Year 61 - year 68: The Notes
Gaster teaches the twins about everything. He teaches them how to speak and about what he has learned about the multiverse. The twins sing songs for him which relaxes him and makes him happy, it was their first magical ability. He thinks of the twins as his own children. In year 66 to 68 he teaches them how to use magic. He edits their code bit by bit to make them better and have new abilities.
Song: Happy Synthesizer sung by Rin and Len
Year 69: The First Lesson
Melody and Rhythm figure out how to create a portal to other universes and visit their first AU Underswap. They have fun exploring while in the meantime Gaster is in a panic trying to figure out how to get them back. When the twins finished and tried to go home, they could not get the portal to open. They attempt to ask for help from some human teenagers who happened to be anti-monster. When they started pushing Rhythm around, Melody jumped in to try to get them to stop and she was shoved and hit her head, cracking her skull. Rhythm’s attacks were not strong enough to do any damage and he cried for help as he held onto his sister. Swap Sans so happened to be walking by and scared off the teens but struggled to get Rhythm to tell him any information about them. When he fianally gets told where they are from he takes them and calls Ink. He tells Ink what happened and what Rhythm had told him about where they lived. Ink takes over and after searching he returns them home. In hopes to fix the damage Gaster edits Melody’s code to repair her cracked skull which worked but she does not remember the encounter with the humans.
Song: Strangers Like Me (duet) by Chris Villian & Traci Hines
Year 70 - Year 80: The Gap
After the accident Ink visits often and convinced Gaster to let him take the twins on outings sometimes to other AUs to play and learn. On these outings Melody spends a lot of time enjoying what the AUs world has to offer like food and scenery, she also loves to play. Rhythm tries to be with his sister when he can but while she is off playing he trains with Ink and others who will do sparing lessons with him. He desires to learn more magic and get stronger to protect his sister from ever getting hurt again but in the process starts to become distanced from his sister and father. Melody tries her best to figure out what is wrong but Rhythm never says anything. In year 76, Gaster decides the twins personality and knowledge does not match their appearance and decides to edit their code making their appearance into that of teenagers.
Song: Drift Away Duet by Caleb Hyles and Sarah Stiles
Year 81: The Fall
In his spare time when Gaster and Melody are preoccupied, Rhythm digs around in the code of the Void looking for something interesting out of boredom. He cracks a locked code on a file and finds Gasters journal and begins to read it. He reads the section he wrote on their creation and their purpose. Gaster had never told them they were created and Rhytm realized everything he told them when they were younger was a lie. He doesn’t say anything to Melody or Gaster but he begins to act more and more irritated as days went by. One day on one of the twins adventures, Rhythm returns home early and leaves Melody with Ink. Gaster tries to get Rhythm to tell him what was wrong but he refused. After pushing too far Rhythm tells Gaster what he found and demands an explanation. Nothing Gaster says gives Rhythm any consolation and they get into an argument. As Rhythm tries to leave Gaster stops him but Rhythm accidentally hits Him in his soul. Rhythm panics and tries his best to fix it but the Void begins to crumble as Gaster does. Just then Melody returns and they are forced to say goodbye to their father. Before he dies, he alters their code one last time making them adults which unlocks their full potential and he tells them to spread happiness through their music. Gaster forces them to go with Ink and the twins become orphans.
Song: Lie by Ashe
Year 81 - Year 86: The Next Step
In the first few months after their father dies Melody relies heavily on Rhythm for support. Rhythm only told Melody that it was a sparring accident that had caused their father to die, he never told her what actually happened or what they were. They spend the next 5 years alongside Ink and Dream fighting against Nightmare and his gang and spreading joy like their father had wished. Rhythm became a strong fighter but rarely ever sang while Melody sang til she was exhausted sometimes. Melody hated fighting, although Rhythm taught her how she never liked fighting. Through the years, Rhythm begins to have some hateful thoughts seeing all the AUs and their occupants living happily while he and his sister fight tirelessly to protect THEIR happiness.
Song: Waiting In The Wings by Eden Espinosa
Year 87: The Offer
One night in an AU while Rhythm was trying to clear his head, he runs into nightmare. Nightmare claims he just wants to talk and Rhythm lets him, but kept his guard up. Nightmare talks with him and shares his side of the story and why he does what he does. He convinces Rhythm that it is okay to want a happy ending and to be angry that he has to risk his life for those who don’t care. Nightmare tells him he just wants to help him and his sister, he offers him a “potion” that will give him the strength he needs to make his own happy ending for him and his sister. Nightmare tells him to think about it and leaves.
Song: Let It Lie by Common
Year 87: The Change
After thinking about Nightmares offer for a few days Rhythm decides to tell Melody. Melody refuses to believe anything Nightmare said is true and tried to remind Rhythm of the horrible things he has done to AUs. Rhythm becomes frustrated that Melody won’t listen and he tells her who they really are, how they were never made to have a apply ending. They were created to make a failed scientist not go insane from being alone. Rhythm states this is their chance to find their own path and be their own selves instead of what Gaster wanted them to be. Melody still won’t side with Rhythm and he decides that he will show her what Nightmare offers that Dream or Ink won’t. He drinks the potion and becomes corrupted, leaving with Nightmare. Melody is devastated and heartbroken.
Songs:
Crossing The Line by Mandy Moore and Eden Espinosa
The Next Right Thing by Christen Bell
Year 88 to Year 108: The Fight
After siding with Nightmare, Rhythm ends up creating problems for more and more AUs. Melody and Rhythm spend 20 years fighting, Dream trying to give hope to Melody and Nightmare manipulating and lying to Rhythm.
Songs:
Ready As I’ll Ever Be by Tangled Cast
Open up Your Eyes by Emily Blunt
Here Comes A Thought by Estelle and Aj Michalka
Outer Science by Will Steton
Year 109: The Bargain
Melody is exhausted and has lost all hope for her brother after fighting for 20 years. She calls Nightmare to meet her, he feels her disparity and sadness and decides to meet her. She offers Nightmare a bargain, her life for her brothers. At first Nightmare is not impressed enough and says no. Melody offers not just to be his puppet but to be his experiment, she offers everything she is to him. Intrigued at the possibilities and her stronger musical emotion manipulation ability he agrees. They set a time and Melody says her “goodbyes” to Ink and Dream. She makes it appear as if she is finally finding hope and tells them how much she appreciates them, she then lies and says she is going on a walk under the stars. Dream could see right through her because he couldn’t feel any hope emanating from her. He secretly follows her. She meets Nightmare with Rhythm and Nightmare removes the corruption from Rhythm. Just before Melody leaves with Nightmare, Dream jumps in and tells her to grab her brother and escape. Melody refuses and tells him to look after her brother, she then leaves with Nightmare.
Song: Queen of Mean by Sarah Jeffery
Year 110 - Year 112: The Dark
Rhythm avoids any confrontation with Melody, he fears what she will say to him and feels guilty for all the things he did to people in the last 20 years. Melody is not corrupted in the same way Rhythm was and still feels some positive emotions but is constantly conflicted and suffering from the pain of the two battling sides of herself. No matter how hard she tries, she can never reach Rhythm. During these two years Rhythm is battling himself. At first he is remorseful, then angry, and finally sad. He becomes determined to save his sister, no matter the cost. Dream says there is no hope for Melody but Rhythm refuses to believe it.
Songs:
Interlude IV by Zach Callison
Good For You by Dear Evan Hansen
It’s Over Isn’t It by Deedee Magno Hall
Words Fail by Ben Platt
Year 113: The Finale
Rhythm decides to finally face his demons and confront Melody officially. He tries to talk with her and make her understand why he did what he did and how much he regrets now. When talking seems to be a lost cause Rhythm manages to trap Melody, he tries to edit her core code to remove the corruption from her and while he manages to remove the corruption it damages everything and she begins to die just like their father did. Rhythm refuses to let her go and tries to stop her death by sharing his soul with her, but instead of sharing his soul they end up fusing into one being. Melody becomes trapped inside Rhythms mind, the body is Rhythms and is in his control but he has all of Melody’s magic combined with his. Melody is finally at peace and is content just being a part of her brother and Rhythm is finally able to keep his sister safe from everything.
Songs:
Nothing left to Loose by Jeremy Jordan and Eden Espinosa
Sleeping Beauty by Namine Ritsu
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I gotta ask, what do you think all the Papa's would be doing career wise if they weren't, ya know, the Satanic Pope?
Oooooh I never stopped to think about that! But I have some ideas! <3
Also ended up giving the Emeritus line a family curse of not knowing the meaning of the word ‘retirement.’ Hard working family, I guess!
Papas/Copia If They Had a “Normal” Career
Papa Nihil: Definitely would have chased the 60′s/70′s rock star life style. He loved the traveling, the crowds, the music, and all the fun that came from it (good and bad!) Without the Satanic influence of his life, Nihil would have just been another face in the music industry. The type to be very popular and well known in his day, dwindle down after a decade or two, and then make a huge come back tour. The musician that your grandparents remember fondly but everyone either thinks he’s overdone or a classic god, no in-between. Half of his career is inspired by the on and off again love with Sister Imperator! You’ll see his music biography on TV, along with the Beetles.
Papa I: He would be SO many things, but they aren’t far off from his normal life! He would be a world renowned scholar, academic, and possibly professor. Has so many majors on Theology/World Religion, Language, World History, Anatomy, and Botany. Regularly produces published papers and articles, considered a major authority in many fields. In his brief “retirement” he also tried being a college professor to several prestigious universities- teaching the eager minds of tomorrow! He simply can’t stop working, so he took on being a professor as a break of sorts. Catch him on the History channel correcting everything.
Papa II: As much as I can see him being a rockstar like his father, I feel Papa would be heavily involved in the music and even film industry! He’s done everything you can think of! Talent Agent, Producer, Song Writer, Director! Papa has one of the strongest brands in the business and to be signed onto his label is GUARANTEED to give you a lucrative and famous career! Like his older brother, he has too many skills to just sit around and do nothing- despite his love of luxury and the rich life. Rubs elbows with celebrities, directors, and all the big shoot executives in Hollywood. Once produced a reality show just because he could and he was bored. His Recording Label will forever be his baby, and he’s gotten so many platinum artists from it. Has a particular fondness for promising rock bands or solo singers.
Papa III: Followed his father and brother into the entertainment industry! Actually started as a child/young actor who only needed TV deals to get his image out there. Became REALLY well known for a part in an ongoing TV series! Signed onto several big movies. Eventually got enough connections to start his singing career! When he was old enough he signed under Papa II’s label and got a few good albums out! Found himself increasingly restless, and turned back to acting. The older he got the more he strayed from music and went onto the silver screen! After a very good career of movies he’d go on to own several brands of fashion. Has his own shoe, watch, cologne, and clothing line. Definitely still involved in some SALACIOUS scandals, but doesn’t mind at all!
Papa IV/Cardinal Copia: Finally, in this timeline, he would be able to chase his more athletic dreams. Even though he would be a skilled academic, Copia would indulge in one of his greatest loves; dance and Theatre. Copia strikes me as the type to have a HUGE career in his younger years in Ballet and traditional dance. Classically trained, skilled, and hungry to work his way to the top. Then he discovers his love for singing and performing. Tries Broadway and the stage for a good run, but misses dancing. Goes back to ballet and tours the world and is well known for it! then he retires very early to become an Equestrian, and goes on to breed and compete with horses. Definitely a long and interesting career of many adventures and turns!
#the band ghost#ghost headcanons#Ghost headcanon#ghost bc#papa nihil#papa emeritus i#Papa Emeritus II#papa emeritus iii#papa emeritus iv#cardinal copia#alternate universe
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surveys 068.
[100 Truths by thev0iceofreas0n]
Lasts:
1. Last Beverage?
water
2. Last Phone Call?
i accidentally hit call to kile because I had his messages up. yikes. man i miss that.
3. Last Text Message?
uhhhh I think i said “thats why we are made for each other”
4. Last Song You Listened To?
forget me too by machine gun kelly
5. Last Time You Cried?
it’s been a couple days now.
Have You Ever:
6. Dated Someone Twice?
no
7. Been Cheated on?
yes
8. Kissed Someone And Regretted It?
uhhh nah.
9. Lost someone special?
very much so. I bet he reads this </3
10. Been Depressed?
not clinically.
11. Been Drunk?
yes
List Three Favorite Colors:
12. blue
13. heather gray
14. maroon
This Year Have You:
15. Made New Friends?
yes
16. Fallen Out Of Love?
not yet. I’m trying to.
17. Laughed until You Cried?
yes definitely
18. Met Someone WHo Changed You?
met them THIS year? no.
19. Found Out Who Your True Friends Were?
ooof. Man. thats a way of putting it. i found out that just because you may think your friendship with someone is an unbreakable bond, doesn’t mean they feel the same way. and that no matter how intimate and transparent you think another person is with you, the reality is sometimes you won’t be worth the truth to them. aaaaaaaaand ive learned that just because you really want to be chosen by someone, does not mean that youll be selected.
20. Found Out Someone Was Talking About You?
uhh actually yes. I found out kiles gf talked to him about me and i found out my siblings were talking about me and i found out my dads gf was talking about me
21. Kissed anyone on your friends list?
what friends list
22. How Many people on your friends list do you know in real life?
On what???
23. Do you have any pets?
Yes, 2 cats. I want to get a pupper but idk that that’ll happen for some time.
24. What did you do for your last birthday?
it was like a four day affair. traveled, was spoiled, but was so broken up and lonely w.o kile.
25. What time did you wake up today?
I went to bed around 4 and I woke up at 640
26. What were you doing at midnight last night?
Staring at tumblr hoping kile would post.
27. Name something you CANNOT wait for?
to not be consumed with these feelings!!!!
28. Last time you saw your father?
ummm... I think it was the end of may
29. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life?
yikes thats a dangerous thought.
30. What are you listening to right now?
i have gilmore girls on in the background, fans on, ac unit, and my typing.
31. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom?
Yea a boss of mine and my SIL’s father
32. What's getting on your nerves right now?
my foot and my lack of money
33. What is your real name?
Diana
34. Zodiac Sign?
cancer
35. Male or Female?
Female.
36. Elementary School?
home
37. Middle School?
home
38. High School?
home
39. Hair Color?
naturally is a dirty blonde, but it’s going to be changed soon.
40. Long or short hair?
Long
41. Height?
Like 5′9ish
42. Do you have a crush on someone?
trying not to.
43. What do you like about yourself?
i think i’m supportive, slow to anger, loyal, curious
44. Piercings?
just ears
45. Tattoos?
None
46. Righty or Lefty?
Righty.
Firsts:
47. Surgery?
none so far
48. Piercing?
My earlobes.
49. Tattoo?
I don’t have any.
50. Best Friend?
nea and gwen
51. Sport you joined?
soccer
52. Pet?
My dog millie
53. Vacation you remembered?
louisiana
54. Concert?
country thunder
55. Crush?
chris. mmmmmm mm mm.
56. Alcoholic Drink?
something that doesnt taste like it. right now probably my mint chocolate chip drink em got me.
Right Now:
57. Eating?
Nothing.
58. Drinking?
water
59. I'm about to..
type an answer
60. Listening to..
gilmore girls
.
61. Waiting for...
kile. im always waiting for kile.
Your Future:
62. Want kids?
yes
63. Want to get married?
yes
64. Careers in mind?
check back
Which Is Better with the opposite sex?
65. Lips or Eyes?
66. Hugs or Kisses?
67. Shorter or Taller?
68. Older or Younger?
69. Romantic or Spontanious?
70. Nice stomach or Nice arms?
71. Tattoos or Piercings?
72. Sensitive or Loud?
74. Trouble Maker or Hesitant? yikessssssss neither
Have You Ever (2):
75. Kissed a stranger?
lol in a way
76. Drank hard liquor?
Yes.
77. Lost glasses/contacts?
No. never had either
79. Broken someone's heart?
I was told I did a few times
80. Had your heart broken?
Yes.
81. Been arrested?
No.
82. Turned someone down?
Yes.
83. Cried when someone died?
yes of course
84. Liked a friend that is the same sex?
like romantically?
Do You Believe In:
85. Yourself?
yes, very much so.
86. Miracles?
Yes.
87. Love at first sight?
I believe that you can meet someone and instantly know theyre going to impact your life big time.. but no. I think lust is initial and love comes later.
88. Heaven?
Yes.
89. Santa Claus?
Duhhh.
90. Kissing on the first date?
In rare circumstances
91. Angels?
Yes.
92. Sex before marriage?
not for me. that will never be my priority.
93. Life on other planets?
i mean, who am I to say.
94. Life after death?
Yes.
95. Only being with one person forever?
Yes.
Answer Truthfully:
96. Is there one person you want to be with right now?
yesssssss. very badly. sadly, i don’t think we will ever actually be in person together.
97. Had more than one boyfriend/girlfrend at one time?
No. no. no. no. no. no.
98. Do you believe it's possible to remain faithful forever?
i think many people can do it. I know I could do it.
99. What's the one thing you cannot live without?
My fam
100. What's one secret you have that not many people know?
i cant post major secrets on here.
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gurl 1-99 I dare you😄
haha no if that's too much just 1, 2, 24, 32, 77, 85, 95
well I finally answered them all babe, took me a week haha 💗
1: 6 of the songs you listen to most? world away by tonight alive, you give love a bad name by bon jovi, amnesia by five seconds of summer, had enough by lower than atlantis, take it out on me by thousand foot krutch, if I could fly by one direction, I just named the first that popped in my head
2: If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? YOU
3: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17? a wind came in off the harbour, bringing the smell of the sea
4: What do you think about most? I’m an overthinker with anxiety so yeah I think about everything a lot, so I wouldn’t know what I think about most
5: What does your latest text message from someone else say? just an okay haha
6: Do you sleep with or without clothes on? with, an oversized shirt and underwear
7: What’s your strangest talent? latin maybe?
8: Girls… (finish the sentence); Boys… (finish the sentence) I don’t know rock? I’m not really the kind of person that puts a gender in things
9: Ever had a poem or song written about you? uhm I don’t think so, now I feel unimportant haha
10: When is the last time you played the air guitar? I’m more an using a hairbrush as a microphone kind of girl
11: Do you have any strange phobias? probably, I’m scared of a lot of things
12: Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose? don’t think so
13: What’s your religion? officially I’m Christian, I’m a bit searching for what I believe in tho, I do believe in jezus but not like walking on water and coming back from the death, I might believe in the Greek gods and nature gods
14: If you are outside, what are you most likely doing? enjoying the fresh air, going for a walk/ride and look at cute animals
15: Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? behind
16: Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band? even if you kill me I don’t know what band to say
17: What was the last lie you told? I lied about not being sad
18: Do you believe in karma? I don’t know, sometimes, but like there are people who’ve done terrible things, where is their karma?
19: What does your URL mean? it’s just my nickname, I didn’t want to make it fandom related because I’m a multi fandom and I didn’t want to have to change my url a lot, I also didn’t want to put my real name because I don’t want people to find me who I know in real life haha
20: What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength? my insecurity is my greatest weakness I think, I don’t know my greatest strength... maybe being a person who people feel loved and welcome by? Idk if people feel that way and idk if it’s a strength. If I’m gonna be poetic I have to say my greatest weakness and strength are both that I love someone with my whole heart, when I start loving you, I love you so much, I would do anything for you, but when someone fucks up, I’ll still love them even tho they don’t deserve it, so that comes with a lot of pain so yeah a weakness and a strength
21: Who is your celebrity crush? rudy pankow and dylan obrien
22: Have you ever gone skinny dipping? yes
23: How do you vent your anger? I keep everything to myself till I explode and start screaming
24: Do you have a collection of anything? music records, stones and just memories from places I’ve been to
25: Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online? neither? If I’m comfortable I do enjoy video chatting especially in times like these where you can’t speak in real life
26: Are you happy with the person you’ve become? this is hard one, I’ve never been happy with who I am, I do like me better than who I used to be
27: What’s a sound you hate; sound you love? sound I love is when you’re walking trough the woods just the birds, can’t think of one I hate, I definitely have some they just don’t come to mind rn
28: What’s your biggest “what if”? what if I keep going through and it doesn’t get better
29: Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens? yes and yes/maybe
30: Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm. my laptop and my pillow
31: Smell the air. What do you smell? flowers
32: What’s the worst place you have ever been to? xanten
33: Choose: East Coast or West Coast? uhm west coast? Idk haha
34: Most attractive singer of your opposite gender? harry styles is the first one that pops in my head
35: To you, what is the meaning of life? to find love, can be someone something, experience things that make you happy, enjoy it, learn, better the world
36: Define Art. creating something, it can have a meaning but it also can’t, a lot of people give it a deep meaning, which can be it, I just think art doesn’t always have to be deep are spectacular it can be someone making something because they have so much going in their head and they find peace in creating art and get inspired by their own experience, people also can it just do for fun, there are so many different kind of art and artists, I don’t think it can’t be defined
37: Do you believe in luck? I don’t know
38: What’s the weather like right now? rainy
39: What time is it? 9:54 pm
40: Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed? no licence
41: What was the last book you read? a fanfic on Wattpad fight or flight by ffsumth
42: Do you like the smell of gasoline? yes 🙈
43: Do you have any nicknames? lu and lulu obviously, loesje , samantha, pinguïn, polar bear, you called me lulu bear hehe
44: What was the last film you saw? I don’t remember...
45: What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had? uhm ive broken a few things, my toes and my arm, but nothing really bad actually
46: Have you ever caught a butterfly? no, I don’t want to, I have seen some really close, they’re beautiful
47: Do you have any obsessions right now? again you haha, but like all the stuff I post on here are my obsessions
48: What’s your sexual orientation? I don’t know, I think straight, but I don’t know for sure
49: Ever had a rumour spread about you? yeah
50: Do you believe in magic? I’m not certain, maybe I do :) I do live by the saying ‘just because you haven’t seen it, doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist’
51: Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong? sadly yes, like I won’t be mean to you or anything, but I will never ever trust you again, if I’m hurt I’m hurt and sadly I haven’t found a way yet to leave it behind, so I’m feeling a lot of pain and I’m never gonna forget that pain, so yeah...
52: What is your astrological sign? capricorn
53: Do you save money or spend it? uhm both? depends on how I feel and what time of the year it is, I have the bad habit to save it for a few months and then spend a lot of it
54: What’s the last thing you purchased? a apple pen so I can start trying digital art
55: Love or lust? love
56: In a relationship? with you hehe
57: How many relationships have you had? none official relationships, I’m just not lovable okay leave me alone haha
58: Can you touch your nose with your tongue? no oops
59: Where were you yesterday? home, school, therapy
60: Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you? a pillow
61: Are you wearing socks right now? no
62: What’s your favourite animal? polar bears
63: What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you? no idea haha, I don’t have one
64: Where is your best friend? at home, like 20min away
65: Give me your top 5 favourite blogs on Tumblr. this is hard so I’m just gonna name the first five that come in my head @nxsmss @rafej-cambanks @thegreatestofheck @chrlsgillespie @nedleed
66: What is your heritage? I don’t know 🤷♀️
67: What were you doing last night at 12AM? sleeping, I had to get up early today
68: What do you think is Satan’s last name? never thought about it
69: Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off? no
70: Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend? Is it bad to say yes? I mean I hate myself but I do think I’m a good friend
71: You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do? save the dog obviously!!!!
72: You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid? I think I would tell people, I’m not sure, but like so have people got the time to say goodbye the way they want to, I would travel the world I think, do everything on my bucket list, maybe some illegal stuff 🙈 (where no one gets hurt tho obviously), I don’t think I would be afraid... I mean I’m suicidal, I’ve literally been connected to death my whole life, if you understand what I mean
73: You can only have one of these things; trust or love. uhm trust I think? If I would have love but don’t have trust I wouldn’t really feel loved anyway, I do really want to experience how it feels like to be loved tho...
74: What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it? the first song that came to mind is love my life by Robbie Williams, I rarely listen to it, but the lyrics really gives a boost of happiness and confidence
75: What are the last four digits in your cell phone number? 51 54
76: In your opinion, what makes a great relationship? loyalty and trust, you don’t have to agree on everything or be interested in the same things, you do have to be there for each other
77: How can I win your heart? YOU ALREADY HAVE
78: Can insanity bring on more creativity? yes I think so
79: What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far? to get dogs
80: What size shoes do you wear? uhm 38 eu, 4,5 uk and 7 us
81: What would you want to be written on your tombstone? a loving ... I hope to be a loving daughter, friend, wife and mother, someone who was always there for others
82: What is your favourite word? fuck haha, no idk but that is definitely a word I use a lot
83: Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart. pain....
84: What is a saying you say a lot? enjoy the little things
85: What’s the last song you listened to? ignorance by paramore
86: Basic question; what’s your favourite colour/colours? uhm I do love black, I also like pastels and like a turquoise kind of colour
87: What is your current desktop picture? me and my friend
88: If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be? no one, there are a lot of people who did wrong, the need to be in jail, but I’m not saying someone deserves to die
89: What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on? what goes on in my head, how I’m feeling
90: One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed. What do you do? scream probably haha
91: You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power? teleportation, I would travel the world haha
92: You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again? when I was in Ireland by the cliffs of moher
93: You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be? uhm this is a hard one, maybe seeing my father almost dying? (he is okay btw, we were lucky), I’ve had nightmares and anxiety ever since
94: You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be? I find this so weird to say for some reason... if I have to give a name it would be harry styles I think, because damn look at that man, but I don’t know, I would rather be friends with him than sleep with him tbh, I know you can do both haha, but idk I’m not like yes I want to sleep with him haha, I think I’ve read too many fanfics about him that I would find it awkward
95: You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go? ice land or canada
96: Do you have any relatives in jail? don’t think so, not close ones anyway
97: Have you ever thrown up in the car? no, I got out in time haha
98: Ever been on a plane? yes, when I went on a trip to georgia in west asia
99: If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say? you’re all ignorant assholes haha, no idk what I would say, there are a lot of good people on this world I know, but man there is some fucked up shit, so maybe I would educate some people or it would have something to do with mental health, maybe about loving yourself or that it’s not a sign of weakness and that we should be treated as equals to physical pain, we should be taken seriously... I don’t really know, there are so many things haha
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I was tagged by @hansonobsessed thank you :) Share your top 9 favourite artists
Here's mine in no particular order:
I know this isn't really part of it but I want to talk about each band.
AC/DC- They were my favourite band since high school but I've been listening to them for my entire lifetime. I love both the Brian Johnson and Bon Scott era (we don't speak about Dave Evans lmao) I'm so glad that I got the opportunity to see them in concert, they were the best concert I've ever been to.
Greta Van Fleet- This band has been my favourite since April of this year. It's strange to think that there was a time, not too long ago, when I didn't know they existed. They've pretty much taken over my life since I first heard their music.
Pink Floyd- I've been listening to them for as long as I can remember and I've just recently became more into them. Just like AC/DC I'm into both the Syd Barrett and David Gilmour era. Even though Syd was part of the band for a short time he still made a huge impact not just for the band but for music in general.
Saint Asonia- I got to support my Canadian bands. I've been a fan of Three Days Grace in high school and college and when I found out Adam Gontier was in a new band I had to check them out. They are awesome. I saw them in concert (for only $15 each because they were pretty new at the time) They're a really cool and really underrated band.
The Beaches- Another great underrated Canadian band. They have a cool vibe kind of 60s/70s rock. They're a fun band to listen to. I first heard them on Breakfast Televsion a while back and I was happy to support an all girl Canadian band.
Heffron Drive- My favourite member of Big Time Rush, Kendall Schmidt, is half of Heffron Drive. It's strange how he ended up my favourite and he just happened to be the one who was more into playing alternative rock when he went solo. Kendall has been a huge part of my life all through high school and college. I'm hoping he's still with the band because they have made some great music.
Guns N Roses- Another band I've been listening to my whole life. Their music is part of my childhood, teen years, and adulthood. Slash is one of my favourite guitarists. He is an icon as is the whole band. One of my favourite songs of all time is Paradise City.
Queen- This band has made some iconic classic songs. My favourite has to be Bohemian Rhapsody but Under Pressure with David Dowie is a close second. Freddie Mercury was an amazing singer and songwriter. I don't mind the band with Adam Lambert tbh, he's pretty good and he's not trying to replace Freddie. He's just there to carry on the legacy, as they say the show must go on.
Led Zeppelin- Another great classic rock band. They've made a lot of amazing music. One of my favourite albums is Led Zeppelin IV, I could never get tired of it. Every song is fantastic. Although my favourite song of the band is Kashmir which is on Physical Graffiti. Every member of the band is iconic.
I will tag @peacelovekiszka @joshkiszkastolemysoul @edgeofgreta @thenewagecrisis @monardammm @thehollowprince @iamnmbr3
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Meeting Bomg, Doom-Drone Legends from Ukraine
~Interview by Billy Goate~
Doomed & Stoned continues our week of epic interviews with a long overdue conversation with the great Ukraine doom-drone band BOMG, who have been desamating stages and blowing out amps since 2010. During that time, Nikolay Temchenko (guitar), Yuriy Temchenko (bass), and Anton Khomenko (drums) have put out two mammoth LPs, an EP, and a split.
I first got turned on to BOMG's sound with the record 'Polynseed' (2013), which released the year that Doomed & Stoned was founded. I recommend starting there if this is your first exposure to the mighty trio from Kyiv.
Bomg have been gradually drifting in the direction of full-on drone metal, executed in their own authentic and compelling way, as we're about to discover as we drill into 'Peregrination' (2020) -- which we reviewed last year and Robustfellow has recently reissued.
Give ear...
You state that BOMG means “vagabond” on your Bandcamp page. Can you elaborate on how the name ties in with the band’s history and core identity?
It’s an abbreviation literally meaning “with no particular place of living”. Funny thing is that its’ meaning is degraded in common use (like “bum”), but when it was incepted (60s – 70s in USSR) those who were stigmatized by it were better off going elsewhere than being part of the regime, taking it as a positive. This became somewhat of a short-lived movement even. We think that despite being prone to misunderstanding in every way, it fits the overall vibe. Blessing and a curse. But frankly, the name is a secondary thing at best.
How would you describe your distinctive sound, to someone who has never encountered it before?
Basically, trying to elaborate and add to “Black Sabbath spaghettified” idea. We try to squeeze out any possible amount of low frequency, volume, distortion and effect saturation to the instruments, not necessarily designed for it. As of similarities and influences, it’s 60s-70s heavy psych, proto-metal and proto-punk, 80s - 90s continuation of it (doom metal, stoner/desert rock, sludge, drone doom), besides that – dub, ambient, prog rock, experimental music, field recordings and whatnot.
Peregrination by Bomg
Your new album 'Peregrination' is an explosive bombshell, massive in every respect. When was the concept for the album born?
The first track was almost ready in 2011, we played it at our first show. As of concept, it started to take shape somewhere in 2013-2014, most of the lyrics were written back then. Then it took years to “grow.” First, we tried to make it so each track would fit one side of LP, but it seemed kinda compressed and landed too quick. Then we decided not to confine it to any time limit but each track landed itself around 40 minutes, so we made sure it evens out like this in final recording.
Tell us about the recording process involved. We’re very curious about instruments, gear, amps, and the general studio environment in which it originated.
Each whole track was recorded live (took roughly four weeks for four tracks), then layered with two additional guitars. Synths, field recordings, vocals were added afterward.
Gear: we used two Tank amps (Orange/Matamp clones) made from old soviet broadcast amplifiers and Tesla Disco 240 for guitar and bass (wish our Sunn concert bass was alive at that point, but it just burns transistors when turned on – we couldn’t find an exact schematic for it, even photos of the exact amp on the web, seems like it’s from some transition period).
The drums are '70s Rogers 13”, 16” toms and 24” steel shell bass drum from '50s-'70s (mass-produced for political celebrations, weddings and funerals), coupled with Meinl hi-hats, Paiste Rude China and Zildjian Mega Bell.
Guitars used were early '00s Gibson SG Standard, '72 Musima Eterna Deluxe and ’69 Musima Record; and ‘70 Cremona Violin bass.
Pedals: Poltava fuzz-wah, Noname “flanger” that is actually phaser for bass; Tesla Vrable fuzz-wah (the seller told us that his uncle was under KGB investigation for just having it), Noname dist (most likely a ProCo Rat clone), Vox wah, Boss BF-2, Lel’ parametric EQ, Lel’ digital delay, Boss dynamic wah, Roland Space Echo for guitar.
Recording equipment: Two '70s Oktava ML-19 for overheads, '50s-'60s Oktava ML15 and ML16 for room and various dynamic and condenser mics for everything else into Pro Tools, then later in mixing/mastering stage partly routed through mixer and cassette deck using beaten up cassette for analog saturation and vibrato.
Long story short, we tried to use most of the stuff we got in our studio, and at this point, it’s hard to remember every detail of the process. Referring to the environment, it is compiled of numerous weird gadgets which got to us throughout years, most of which were collecting dust somewhere for decades, and have a history (an entire topic by itself) we’re always asking for. And when used, they tell a story which then leaves a mark in recordings for sure. That was a hell of a fascinating process.
I noticed you had lyrics for each song on 'Peregrination,' but the singing doesn't seem discernable. Are there indeed vocals and, if so, how can I hear them?
Yes, there are vocals. They appear on low volume as reverberated and somewhat oscillated notes, more like presence; on high volume, you can hear words with 1-5 kHz correctly dialed in (on most audio equipment these frequencies tend to be excited, so lowering EQ at this range brings clarity), it appears as a whisper in a loud, saturated mix. Also, we added subtitles on YouTube, so you can know for sure where to find vocals. The point was to make them recognizable only with intent.
Talk about the album art. It seems there is hidden symbolism there, is that true?
It’s some sort of a window that leads to four areas, which are the visualized soundscapes to each track. There were no particular symbols, but the thing is that they fill in the picture as it is set - like a hallucination, which is often a well of meaning where symbols change and multiply interpretations, at the same time being just momentary blobs of form.
The process of making this album cover involved many iterations of drawing, running through GAN networks, editing the result to achieve the effect of a captured hallucination, close to the exact one. When hardwiring symbols directly into it, they would be eaten up by hallucinating AI. So by randomly forming a resemblance of shapes, things started popping out where they fit the most contextually - weird stuff. It’s a common thing in art to throw “open for interpretation” on everything, but this one might be.
What is the concept behind each "hobo" symbol and track on 'Peregrination'?
So, the first one means being quiet and alert, seeing what’s going on. The second one is a sign of a trolley – hopping from one soundscape to another, time travel. The third one – safe camp; it may be confusing when applied to the lyrics, but the position that is stated there facing the object is some sort of a “safe camp”, ground to stand on. The fourth one means “don’t give up”, even if applied in both meanings of this phrase to track. But the symbol references may lack context without diving into tracks.
I'm sure our readers would be most happy if you were to illuminate the meaning of each of the songs on your new album.
Well, it’s like trying to create a soundtrack to some introductory ontological theories (pretty blank, sterile stuff), realizing their intensity. Here uneven-numbered tracks touch on mind ontology, even-numbered - on reality ontology. Not diving into details too much, let them hang there.
I. Electron
Peregrination by Bomg
it's no light of star
it's a light of mind
walking thru a dream
electron shamanism
"Electron" is covering the theme of mythical perception akin to humans and the discovery that put a dent into these beliefs. Variation on a Tunguska story, mythos surrounding Tesla, how people mythologize all around.
II. Perpetuum
Peregrination by Bomg
Across desolations
Caravans astray
Sand covered roads
Forget old ways
"Perpetuum" goes more into sci-fi territory: endless cycles of dead and born-again civilizations, the Great Filter caused by cosmic events or beings themselves, and how we just might unknowingly observe such things staring at the sky.
III. Paradigm
Peregrination by Bomg
Giant web built and set in lines
It works when mind reflects
Leaving us with all the fears
Or letting them disappear
"Paradigm" is based around the tendency of the mind to confine itself into some set of ideas, building a higher fence while thinking it broadens the space. Thinking of one thing while it is the opposite, fear of the structure collapsing while an event like this would alleviate any sort of fear. But breaking a paradigm usually leads straight to the next one, to which the same attributes apply. And keeping this notion brings a safe distance to it.
IV. Emanation
Peregrination by Bomg
Now the opportunity is
To see the universe spinning
Emit structures boundless
Round its' endless borders
It's the very first the very last small moment
In periods of endless time
When the structure merge infinite
To manifest as something
"Emanation" goes somewhat contrary to the second one - a reality that may be started at some point, complicates itself, and never is truly repetitive. Also thoughts on subjective existence and the point of it, maybe being an instrument of the Universe to explain it to itself. Speculation on whether or not consciousness flows from one state to another, as energy does, returning to its inception or scattering across until equilibrium, or even said results being the same thing. And the uncertainty of these things that are left to be answered while we as beings, it seems, are just left to fade away.
Follow The Band
Get Their Music
#D&S Interviews#BOMG#Kyiv#Ukraine#doom#metal#doom metal#drone#sludge#atmospheric doom#Robustfellow#Doomed and Stoned
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On the eve of HS2, I felt I needed to reflect and write a diary entry of sorts, an ode to where I was and where I am now, a musing on how HS1 ushered in a whole new world for me. This is long and more personal than anything I’ve previously shared, but in honor of vulnerability and maybe helping someone else who’s struggling... here it is.
The most exposure 2015 me had to pop music was occasionally listening to ‘hits’ radio. My old art teacher in high school had blasted the classics of the 60s and 70s daily, so I knew those, albeit not the names, but the music, the style, the melodic tropes and such. 2015 me didn’t have much time for pop music. I was getting a fancy degree in classical music from one of the best conservatories in the world, and I’d made it there after four years with a highly abusive teacher in undergrad who gave me horrible anxiety; by the end, whenever she would walk into a room, I would get chills and start shaking. She delighted in lying to me, in calling me out in front of my peers. Worse, I was arguably her highest-achieving student. The day I got into Juilliard she took me for “tea” to celebrate, where she proceeded to spend the whole time telling me how she had made this happen, how her connections got me to NY, how I should be grateful.
Entering the world of NYC and Juilliard I was an awestruck, anxious mess. Everything moved too fast, the school was overwhelming, my studio mates were famous already, some of them having won world-famous competitions and been on the cover of magazines. I was in the elite place, a place my working class roots had never prepared me for. My dad was a millwright. He went to work every day in steel-toed boots and overalls and often returned so filthy mom wouldn’t let him wash his clothes in the household washing machine. But I was nothing if not adaptable, and grateful, and charming, and I did my best. I worked hard. But my health kept deteriorating.
All through undergrad I’d been feeling progressively worse. I had horrible acne that I presumed was caused by stress, as I’d never suffered with it in high school. I was already an introvert, but body insecurity led me to hardly ever socialize. I would spent hours getting ready for things, never willing to show my bare face. But that wasn’t the worst; I’d developed what I now understand was an eating disorder, because no matter how much I exercised or dieted, I kept gaining weight, or rather, I lost all my baby fat but remained the same scale number. I kept telling my mother I was fat. I didn’t tell her that I hated the wind, that I hated running, because it made my stomach protrude and the whole world could see the extra pounds I carried. I never made an appointment with an OBGYN because I didn’t date much less have sex, and my mother had told me, well you don’t ever need to be seen until you do. I came to NYC well versed in wearing baggy sweaters and scarfs that hid my form. And for two years, as my breathing got worse and worse, as my energy levels dropped, as my skin hurt and itched, I pushed forwards. I remember practicing one day and my eyes going black. I couldn’t see, I couldn’t breathe.
It was getting into an international competition that saved me. I got the news in early May of 2016; I jumped around my room and I started coughing, and the next day a hernia appeared above my belly button. I was only slightly worried, but I went to see the Juilliard doctor. She asked if I’d gained weight, she said even a couple pounds could do it. I was, as always, ashamed, red faced, embarrassed as she prodded around on my torso.
She said I’d need surgery. So I scheduled it in NYC for two days after my graduation. I played my recital, but with a binder around my abdomen. I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t remember my memorized music. I nearly passed out. I stumbled on the sidewalk afterwards.
When I woke from the surgery I was in blinding pain, teeth chattering uncontrollably, in shock. I couldn't open my eyes, and every breath felt like knives slicing into my chest. I heard the nurses say, “We’ve given you three IVs of Percocet, do you want us to give you a forth?” I said no, thinking, ‘what if I die from an overdose?’ After two hours my mother came in search of me. It was supposed to be a day surgery. She demanded morphine. They sent me home on it, but two days later I’d thrown up twice and was back in the ER. A CT showed I had an ovarian cyst. The doctor said to me, “It’s 28 inches. It’s the size of a dinner plate.” I didn’t understand. They rushed me back for another surgery, and asked me to sign a paper saying I wouldn’t hold them responsible if I ended up paralyzed. I signed it. I joked with the nurses before they put me under. I was shaking with pain. I thought, if this is the end, I’ve had a good life. I’ll be with my doggy, my baby puppy. I’ve graduated from my dream school. I’ve gotten into an elite international competition. I’ll go out at the top of my game. It’s okay.
But then I woke up. Over the next year, I would wish countless times that I hadn’t. I could barely walk. I couldn’t lift things like a fork, or my computer. I couldn’t shower or cough or even shit. I couldn’t practice or sit upright for more than fifteen minutes. Pain became a constant. I started to wake up with night sweats, my forehead creased in subconscious pain. I would jump at every loud noise, my heart lurching like a ruined engine, and I couldn’t remember names of flowers. I fell into a massive depression over the next few months, made worse by the 2016 election; because of my infirmity I had moved back home with my Trump-voting parents. The bravest thing I did that fall was ‘come out’ as a liberal on Facebook. My parents pretended not to notice when I stayed up late that cold November night, huddled with a blanket on the couch, crying my eyes out.
The Christmas 2016 season is a blur. I know I half lived in memories, half in grief, but all in self-pitying misery. I remember reading a passing article about Jay, not knowing who it was, and I remember adding a lost mother to the list of things I cried about. How could the world be so cruel, so unfair? My days were filled with PT and sleep, immobility and exhaustion, and questions, questions like if I can’t do what I love, what I’ve spent years training for, what’s the point? What does it mean to be an artist when you can’t do your art? What is left of me that matters? Is the future only more pain? It would have been better to have died. It would have been better to have died.
Up until this point I had been unlucky in love. I could never find men attractive, though many friends pressured me to try, which of course had led to not good things. I’d been confronted a couple times about maybe being gay, but I’d shot this down immediately, my face bright red, my heart pounding. No, that’s not it, I’m just picky. Two girls in grad school had flirted with me; I’d accidentally gone on a date with one. I’d felt deeply, gut-wrenchingly uncomfortable about her. But how could I ever unpack all of that when just coming out as a liberal had given me anxiety for days...
The new year came and I had nothing to look forward to. I could see no happy future. I wasn’t really in my right mind. I would escape as best I could, perhaps in masochistic ways; I’d watch SNL for humorous liberal comfort, and Colbert to feel some spark of angry solidarity. And that’s how I stumbled on Harry. He got me with his puns, because I love those. For the first time in months, I was giggling about something, this charming boy with curls and dimples who had replaced the scream-speech of James Cordon. For once I didn’t turn the tv off after Colbert.
I began listening to Harry’s songs. As I had no reference for contemporary pop music, his old school rock album was familiar to me in a comforting way. I knew these sounds, these tropes, and yet they didn’t feel stale to me, they spoke to something I was feeling in the present. Because the album, in essence, was about pain, wasn’t it? Pain and escaping it. The lies we tell to survive, the dreams we cling to for hope, the drugs we use to forget. I’d never bought a pop album before, Harry was my first, and I listened to it for hours every day.
HS1 seeped into my blood, but I’d been on a hopeless, aimless track for so long that the railway tie hadn’t yet switched. One warm, sunny spring day I wrote a note, filled a bag with rocks, and walked to the old bike trail, out past the freeway, into the marshes and pools of abandoned swampy wasteland. FTDT played in my head on a loop as I walked, as my brain hummed with the equation of worth. Was it worth it to stay alive?
Yes. I threw the rocks. I threw them as far as my fragile arms would allow, and they splashed into the murky water. And I turned around and called my mom to come get me. Harry had made something that was beautiful, that was touching, that was real. And if he could... then maybe I could too. Maybe I didn’t have to be just what I’d been before. Maybe I could try creating other things; maybe I could make art that, like Harry’s music, made other people feel less alone.
There was something magical about that album. Not freedom, per se, but the promise of it, a glimpse of truth that kept me hanging on.
I began writing poems again, songs. I got into an orchestra program, I healed month by month, I started carrying crystals, I found this crazy fandom and, little by little, grew to understand that my yearning upon looking at baby larry videos was really a cry of sameness that I had never before understood. After the Pulse shooting, during my horrible homebound year, I’d watched Lin-Manuel Miranda give his love is love is love speech, and I’d burst into tears. And I’d not known why. Now I began to realize. I remember the first tentative anon I sent to Phoenix @alienfuckeronmain asking if maybe I was... bi? I remember anxiously awaiting her answer, as if I needed an invitation to join the community, to be valid, to have this not just be a crazy swelling of hope in my chest. She replied while I was wandering through a corn maze in the frigidness of October. The next day I walked into rehearsal and I felt free, free of the way boys looked at me, free of being FOR them, and I’d never felt so... alive. Coincidentally I met my ex girlfriend that day too.
Through Harry I found this fandom, and Louis. Louis, who has spoken to me on levels I cannot even express, whose class and political and emotional intelligence have challenged me to stand up for things I never thought I could. For me these last few years have felt like a journey WITH Harry. As he started waving them, I started wearing rainbows, just subtly. A knit scarf, a postcard, a bag. I started writing fic, the most healing thing I’ve ever done. I learned to create art away from the singular thing I’d been trained to dump my all into, and I learned that I have so much more to offer, even if chronic pain will follow me in some way or another for the rest of my life.
I’m so thankful to Harry for taking me on this adventure with him; I don’t know if I’d have ever taken that first step by myself. It was like he held my hand through it all, like this fandom held my hand through it all. Like by being himself, Harry helped me be brave enough to evolve too.
Through the catalyst of Harry’s art I’ve experienced more happiness than I’d have ever imagined. I cannot wait to go on this next journey, a second album, and reflect on just how far we’ve both come.
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hey!! bro ur my number #1 source for lupin III content so can I ask like how in the hell I go about watching all the series / movies / etc for it in order??? I’m really pumped for the live action so I wanna at least dip into all the other stuff. thanking ya kindly //tips hat
hello!!! what an honor!! oh my… ok I’m so sorry in advance… I’ve gotten a few similar asks and I started writing out a list and it was getting over 1500 words long so I had to try to chill out…so…
LUPIN III CRASH COURSE
I’m sorry that this is so long.. and consider I cut it down! but here is my intro because I know this franchise is huge and confusing!! (I’ve had multiple instances of friends being like ‘I tried to find that Lupin thing you like but I could only find the third one?’)
I kind of liken it to Scooby Doo? it stretches some 60 years and has been handled by many different writers, directors, and animators across very different eras? most important to know! the order doesn’t really matter and things aren’t really sequential (save for where the three most recent shows) so you can jump in and explore whatever seems compelling! it’s overwhelming because there is so much but also nice because there’s something for everybody! if you like fun and pure, edgy, etc. etc.
feel free to disregard everything coming… I will say my personal priority order is
- Castle of Cagliostro
- some episode of part 2
- part IV, ideally all of it! there’s filler but it’s hard to know which ones
- part I (or some episodes of it? up to you!)
- Fuma Conspiracy
- part V
- part III (it’s great too!! just not as sequential as IV and V)
- First Contact… truly indulgent but its so cute!
(below I broke down a little about each and my favorite episodes, where to find them, etc. and there’s so much more but just doing everything below is a whole lot)
TV (All the shows except for The Woman Called Fujiko Mine are on Crunchyroll!)
Part 1 (1971) - crunchyroll!
The beginnings kind of a weird feeling because the first half was directed with one vision vs. the second half being co-directed by Takahata and Miyazaki, there’s a shift in Lupin’s personality and most significantly they sought to shed his ‘sense of apathy’ and make him more of a hero? something that’s echoed later on! honestly, I don’t think the transition is as dramatic as some people find it? but it does shift across the episodes and end on a sweet note!
truly they all have something to enjoy but I made note of
episodes 2, 4, 5, 7, 9, 11, 13, 16, 18, 19, 23
for some reason? really really suggest watching the last episode! but get a bit of the first and second half beforehand!
Part II/Red Jacket (1977-80) - 155 episodes - on crunchyroll dubbed and subbed
there are a lot so I tried to narrow it down to a few of my favorites/ particularly noteworthy ones? I bolded my absolute favorites! I’m sure I missed a few but save for a few two-episode arcs you can jump in anywhere and it’ll be fine.
episodes 1-79 are dubbed on Crunchyroll! In my personal opinion the script makes it worth it!! there are a bunch of non-dubbed episodes anyway if you want to get a feel for both
(these episode titles are often hilarious, misleading, and/or horribly embarrassing?)
1 - ‘The Return of Lupin the Third’ - just a good starting point!
5 - ‘Will the Leaning Tower of Pisa Be Standing?’
6 - ‘Tutankhamen’s 3,000-Year-Old Curse’
7 - ‘Venetian Super Express’ - I want to say this is a cute little road trip episode? it’s been so long
9 - ‘Steal the FIle M123’ - this dub… madness. very strange Christopher Walken impression for absolutely no reason?
10 - ‘Bet on the Monaco Grand Prix’
15 - ‘Crude Reproduction, Perfect Frame’ - Lupin keeps committing strange and uncharacteristic crimes, but he has no memory of doing so!
29 - ‘Fly Me to the Moon’ - Lupin has some mysterious Levitation Technique and everyone is after it
32 - ‘Lupin the Interred’ A famed hitman is after Lupin!
34 - ‘But Your Brother Was Such A Nice Guy’ - this episode is one of the zaniest ones and that’s saying a lot… Vampires? Jesus? Really really funny moments though especially in the dub
42 - ‘Cruisin’ in Drag’ Lupin infiltrates the ship of a wealthy bachelor disguised as a woman
45 - ‘Diamonds and Minx’ kind of a mess of people stealing from each other?
46 - ‘The Island of Dr. Derange’
57 - ‘Alter-Ego Maniac’ - Inspector Zenigata goes criminal
62 - ‘Church of the Poison Mind’ - Jigen and Goemon stumble into a religious cult
69 - ‘Zenigata Getcha Into My Life’ - this title is awful but this episode is great.
78 - ‘Ice, Robot’ - an inventor has made a machine that can cry diamonds!
79 - ‘Baton Death March’
81 - ‘Fujiko, Men are a Sorry Lot!” - Fujiko gets engaged to a Prince, the rest of the gang goes after the monarchy’s Golden Bell
96 - ‘Lupin’s Gourmet World’ tbh this is a vore episode but there are some great gang moments here and a really fun third act
99 - ‘Fighting Jigen’ - first anime episode (I think like in history? but I could’ve misread) in stereo! And I believe the first to air of the TMS staff’s work, you can tell because the style shifts to a more Miyazaki/Cagliostro look and this will keep happening for the rest of the show
101 - ‘Fervent Love at Versailles’ - a crossover episode with Rose of Versailles!
103 - ‘The Wolf Looked at an Angel’ - Goemon is an angel I can say little else
104 - ‘The Most Dangerous Golden Bed’ - debut of perhaps the best opening! I love this episode?? so much?
112 - ‘Danger! Goemon’
122 - ‘An Unusual End to an Expedition for Napoleon’s Treasure’
143 - ‘The Miami Bank’
145 - ‘Wings of Death: Albatross’ - ah yes, one of the famed Miyazaki-directed episode, truly so worth it
151 - ‘To Arrest Lupin, the Mission at the Highway’ - another not exactly Miyazaki episode but a lot of the people he trained? They depart from the part 2 style(s) again but its a good bit of fun all around! Really lovely character animation
152 - ‘Jigen and the Hatless Pistol’ - Jigen loses his hat and thus his ability to shoot
155 - ‘Thieves Love the Peace/Farewell, Dear Lupin’ - the finale episode! Miyazaki-directed as well, and just beautiful
Part III (1984) - 50 episodes - crunchyroll!
I’m still very early in this one so I can’t say much yet! But it gets a bad rep? Perhaps for being more inconsistent stylistically and a bit on the zanier end! But I really like it!! these drawings are such a blast! I think each bit has its merits and this one is no exception. Plus with all their freedom animation-wise they can do a lot of fun stuff!
The Woman Called Fujiko Mine (2012) - 13 episodes - on kissanime for certain and I think animetake?
this is the most dramatic departure from the rest of the shows/films/specials. Fujiko Mine is the star of this part! It definitely has less obviously plot-important episodes but it’s one narrative from start to finish. I must note that it’s by far Lupin’s edgiest, I think it’d be safe to deem this part as R-Rated. There’s sex, violence, sexual violence, abuse, bodily mutilation, obsession… a gay character who gets a pretty tragic fate (at first I was excited by the very existence of an LGBT+ character but he really goes through the wringer and never gets a resolution.. I don’t want to spoil). This is probably Lupin at his ickiest? I do like Jigen’s personality here! And his dynamic with Fujiko, but it’s a lot more disjointed than the other parts. She meets each of them separately and towards the end, Lupin and Jigen interact more but there’s barely a time when they’re all together. That’s not meant to be a deterrent but personally, I’m a sucker for their friendship and love them as a group so it’s a bit of a bummer. Sequential plot-wise though! This one is definitely captivating, a bit disturbing, and there is a plot-twist that really got me. The villain design is really cool too!
Part IV (2015) - 26 episodes - on crunchyroll, also dubbed on Funimation
This part is narrative-based and sequential! It still has some more standalone episodes but there’s definitely an overarching story throughout! I think they’re all worth watching and might leave little important bits that’ll be confusing later on. Essentially this part takes place in Italy for the most part and starts with Lupin getting married to a multi-millionaire heiress/model/celebrity who wants to get into the thief business. This one feels like a good combination of old and new, it’s not quite as silly as the earlier parts can be, but it’s full of nostalgia while still feeling original. I really had a good time!
This dub isn’t bad but!! It comes with a different opening and soundtrack, I guess Lupin’s pretty big in Italy and perhaps there were licensing issues? I’m not sure? But it’s a bit of a bummer to be without the Yuji Ohno soundtrack. The alternate opening feels more like a collection of stills and footage found throughout the show? It’s not horrible, just different! Regardless, the Part IV Japanese OP (vs. the Italian/US one) is worth a watch!
Part V (2018, airing on Adult Swim right now, summer 2019!) - 23 episodes
I’m actually not done with this part but its good fun! more directly tied to part iv then the others are to each other. It’s more sequential as well with a few sub-arcs and since it fell on the franchise’s anniversary it has callback episodes with Lupin in various jackets in various tones. Interesting Lupin characterization here… he seems… sadder, wistful? and we get hints of Lupin lore! Lots of fanservice but… I love it! I still think they could’ve pushed it more? it feels somehow more reserved than part IV in some ways, which is already different from the 70s and 80s, but it’s got a lot of lovely moments!!
Films/TV Specials
From 1989 to 2011 they had a special every year!! So much!
Castle of Cagliostro (1979) - Available on Netflix!
perhaps the best-known piece of media in the Lupin franchise? And rightly so. This film is Hayao Miyazaki’s directing debut and a blast from start to finish! This characterization of Lupin is definitely Miyazaki’s more than Monkey Punch’s but that seems to be the strange nature of the Lupin franchise! I could really go on forever… please watch it!
The Fuma Conspiracy (1987) -
perhaps harder to find, but it’s on Kissanime! Goemon is getting married but before the ceremony is over the bride is taken by the Fuma ninja clan and the gang helps him to get her back as well as learn the story of a family heirloom? Really great stuff from everybody! Adorable Zenigata, the fluffiest and most handsome Goemon, cute Jigen, Fujiko, and Lupin interactions, a really really incredible car chase! Even with Cagliostro’s fame, this one has got some serious pizzazz
Episode 0: The First Contact (2002) - on Kissanime as well!
A journalist asks Jigen how he met Lupin III, this is probably my favorite TV special? And features one of my favorite opening scenes in the whole franchise. The instrumental!! Perhaps each member of the gang at their purest, whatever that means, really great moments between everybody and peak Lupin and Jigen meeting and somehow signing up to be life partners
#oh my god#i'm so sorry#please.. feel free to ignore this#lupin#lupin the third#lupin iii#lupin the 3rd#diggitydamnsebastianstan
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exam season
the last 2 weeks have been exam season. leading up to exams i ran week-long blocks of distracting websites on my mac, so I haven’t been able to get on tumblr.... so finally updating now: (more like ranting.)
one math exam left, on thursday morning
exams so far have been.... okay. none of them i feel particularly good about, but overall i think i managed to deal with the stress/anxiety better this semester than last, just a little bit
some nice things that happened before exams:
100% in Chinese speaking mock exam, listening and writing section of written mock exam. i didn’t really realise it until i looked back on my old posts and read how i felt after first set of exams just now, but i have come ... maybe not a long way, but some kind of way :] at the time i was very insecure about just myself and barely believed i could improve on my own; yet i did to a standard i never could’ve dreamed even start of this year.
somehow obtained 90% in an oral presentation i made about The Crucible by Arthur Miller. i still don’t know how I did it, but I’m glad i improved from the 60s i got last semester in presentations. public speaking still felt like hell though
top female scorer in my state for some maths competition. also have no idea how i did this, i thought i would get distinction at best.
changed piano teachers (previous teacher recommended the new one)
dress for year 12 ball next year arrived. it’s a soft grey pretty thing
my birthday was during exam season :/
also first set of my own prayer beads arrived. have been using them daily since
reflecting on each subject: (so I can read back on this after i get my marks back and be like haha.... you fool.)
Literature: better than last time is all i can say... it was okay (still felt like hell during the exam because it’s Literature) managed time during exam slightly better, I didn’t panic as much, but that’s about it lmao i’m crossing my fingers for a low 70s and double crossing for an A. i wasn’t able to or simply didn’t contribute much effort/time to literature this semester, so a B wouldn’t really be a fuck-i-tried-so-hard-why-did-i-get-this-grade kind of punch in the gut, but it would be really nice to not break an all A streak... but I highly suspect I will get a B
Methods (maths): exam was harder than i expected. hoping for a 90s though, a mark that wont bring my average down. i think i was best prepared for methods compared to other subjects, emphasis on COMPARED to other subjects. -_-
Physics: ahh physics. a whole debacle happened during the exam, please see below. other than that the exam was... kind of expected difficulty? which is difficult, but it wasn’t terrible-terrible. i’m hoping for an 80s. i really can’t hope for much, i was probably delirious half the time. i did manage to ‘finish’ (attempt every question) though i wish i got more time... i couldn’t double check many questions and there was this one question i wanted to spend more time on but oh well...
summary: i threw up once before the exam, twice during.
ate a blueberry bagel with cream cheese, with some salmon on top for breakfast. looking back, it was probably the salmon.
didn’t feel good after. got to school feeling pretty sick in the stomach and a pretty bad headache.... which escalated to one of the worst headaches ive had in the last 3 years in 20 minutes
at this point i could tell something was wrong and that i was about to throw up
went to the toilet, tried to throw up whatever was causing pain to my body, but couldn’t. only ended up scaring away some poor kid in the next cubicle
FIRST TIME: left toilet. sit still for 10 minutes outside, feeling progressively worse. go back to the toilet, then throw up a lot. gargle, wash face, go back to find everyone filing into the exam room.
feeling slightly better at this point since ive thrown up (i thought i had emptied most of my stomach by then. spoiler alert: no) and decide internally to just do the exam. (if i don’t, then i would have to fill out some form, probably do the exam way later. too annoying)
SECOND TIME: so i sit the exam. 5-6 minutes into reading time, i feel another wave of throwing up coming. i raise my hand, i’m at the very back of the hall, so examiner takes a bit to notice. my brainwashed ass brain thinks i can’t stand up and leave without the examiners spoken permission, so i persist in sitting in my seat for around 10 seconds until she’s there, i’m already throwing up in my mouth at this point. finally something snaps and i make a break for the toilet, but it’s too late and i throw up all over the floor. in the exam hall. Fuck. i immediately apologise on the spot.
examiner leads me to toilet. i throw up some more. gargle, wash face. she asks me to step outside for a couple of minutes for fresh air and i do. 5 minutes later she comes back and asks me if i want to continue the exam. i say yes. we go back in, the vomit is gone from the floor. she moves my seat closer to the exit, and tells me i can bolt out whenever i need to throw up. i sit the exam.
some time after this, the other examiner leaves a vomit bag next to me just in case
THIRD TIME: an hour in? i feel another wave coming. i grab the vomit bag, make a dash for the toilets but the stupid old door won’t open properly. the examiner helps me open the door and i throw up in the toilets, in the vomit bag this time. it’s not as much as the previous two times. tie up the bag, throw it in the bin, gargle, wash face.
instinctively i feel that this is the last time i’ll throw up, that i’ve truly emptied everything from my stomach this time. headache is way weaker at this point.
go back in and examiner asks me if i’m really sure i want to continue the exam, whether or not if i want to fill in a form excusing myself from the exam. i say no.
about an hour left in the exam, which i sit in utter peace
didn’t get any extra time.
apologised to some people around me after the exam while filing out of the hall... i suffered but they did too.
went home and drank some stomach soothing tea. slept
ate porridge for the next 2 days.
Chemistry: it was.... okay. i did finish and attempt every question. there were a couple of questions in multiple choice i was iffy about and a question in short answer i was like um... what? to, but other than that it was.... eh. i didn’t study much for it, so whatever mark i get i deserve. if i do defend myself it was 3 days after the shit show that was the physics exam, and i felt sick for at least a day after.... but yeah. should’ve tried more.
during reading time, the examiner who saved my life put the vomit bag on my desk in the physics exam came and asked me if i was feeling better
i said i’m feeling good thanks : )
like an hour later? i feel sickness coming. not stomach this time, just general sickness. somehow i get a fever and subsequently, the FLU in the middle of the chem exam-
i highly suspect i got it from the examiner
come back home to find out that i really do have a fever
this was yesterday. yes i’m sick now. like, more sick.
Chinese: this was today. i’m still kind of too traumatised to reflect on it properly. Chinese is the only subject that ive studied the yr 12 course for this year, so this exam really counts. like 35% of my final grade counts kind of counts. and i did pretty bad. like pretty bad. it was definitely more difficult than the mock exams, and the recordings in listening section were quicker than previous years. the writing section was... traumatising while writing i kind of had a wave of anxiety/panic hit me? i could feel my heartbeat my face was burning and i started sweating ;-; and even the reading section, which is usually okay, was a bit hard. i’ll get the marks back and my final grade for this subject in December - we’ll see until then. got a slightly overdue birthday present before the exam tho :)
So yup. that’s my exam season. i’m typing this instead of studying for my maths exam day after tomorrow but hey, i’m sick and need rest, right?
overall, these exams i managed to keep control of my stress a bit better, i wasn’t so overwhelmed like last time. last semester i could barely live, literally. this time i made the habit of living at the library which i found really helpful and comparatively productive, i’ll definitely be using that strategy more often. i’m just glad i managed to study SOMETHING or prepare for exams explicitly this time, because i was simply too overwhelmed to do that last time. i improved. maybe not by much, maybe it doesn’t seem like much, but it’s better than none...
i’m not saying i don’t have regrets or shortcomings in these exams. i definitely do. DeFinITEly. but doesn’t mean i didn’t improve. i did improve. just, maybe not as much as i wanted.
i really learned to the bone this time that learning during the semester is so, so important. i think that’s just a wisdom i’ll have to carry through the rest of my academic career.
wish me luck for my maths exam on Thursday
my friends and ive already planned an outing for after the exams :)
also getting overdue birthday presents next monday! :D
#exam#high school#student#exam season#exams#study#studying#studyblr#chinese#sick#mental health#stress#overwhelmed#anxiety
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Witchy QnA
1. Are you solitary or in a coven?
Solitary!
2. Do you consider yourself Wiccan, Pagan, witch, or other?
Witch, or Enchantress if I wanna sound fancy
3. What is your zodiac sign?
Leo sun, Aquarius moon, Leo rising
4. Do you have a Patron God/dess?
Nope
5. Do you work with a Pantheon?
Nope
6. Do you use tarot, palmistry, or any other kind of divination?
Tarot sometimes
7. What are some of your favorite herbs to use in your practice? (if any)
Im just starting to get into more physical items. I was raised to do most things mentally.
8. How would you define your craft?
Im not sure? Green but a lil eclectic
9. Do you curse? If not, do you accept others who do?
I dont think of it as cursing. More so protection from certain people.
10. How long have you been practicing?
I found out about what I was already doing as being Witchcraft a couple months ago. But Ive been using Tarot, using kitchen Witch spells, as “prayers” as spells since I can remember
11. Do you currently or have you ever had any familiars?
Nope. I hope to have one soon though
12. Do you believe in Karma or
Reincarnation?
Absolutely believe in karma. Reincarnation, possibly. Its definitely something I think about
13. Do you have a magical name?
Nope.
14. Are you “out of the broom closet”?
My whole moms side practices casually, so I mean I guess? But I havent referred to myself as a Witch or something like that.
15. What was the last spell you performed?
I enchanted a ring I got. Also, a money spell that worked but uhh its definitely showing me that I need to work harder.
16. Would you consider yourself knowledgeable?
Im pretty decent. Most of what I look up is common knowledge to me
17. Do you write your own spells?
I havent yet, but I also dont do many spells verbally. I more so visually manifest
18. Do you have a book of shadows? If so, how is it written and/or set up?
I do, Its just a plain lil notebook, I have just some basic reference sheet type things in it.
19. Do you worship nature?
Absolutely
20. What is your favorite gemstone?
rose quartz. or tigers eye
21. Do you use feathers, claws, fur, pelt, skeletons/bones, or any other animal body part for magical work?
I dont particularly enjoy using animal/ human materials. I use natural things, like dirt and water.
22. Do you have an altar?
Not so much a physical Altar, but my bed is definitely my safe space and I can clear my mind here the easiest.
23. What is your preferred element?
Water, but fire always make me wide eyed and curious. definitely curious. but its destructive potential scares me.
24. Do you consider yourself an Alchemist?
Not art all haha
25. Are you any other type of magical practitioner besides a witch?
Im not sure!
26. What got you interested in witchcraft?
realizing that I had been practicing for my whole life and I hadnt known before
27. Have you ever performed a spell or ritual with the company of anyone who was not a witch?
yeah, with my mom and her mom. I just didnt know at the time. We do protection spells often.
28. Have you ever used ouija?
yup! with my mom and her mom. Its just a family thing we do every time we all get together. I grew up thinking it was completely normal.
29. Do you consider yourself a psychic?
My mom says I used to be. I used to dream about natural disasters before they happened as a kid. I dont think im too good anymore. just empathetic.
30. Do you have a spirit guide? If so, what is it?
I dont think I do. If anything, I do feel a feminine energy? dark (like a shadow, not negative) and watery is the best way I can describe it. But its not a human entity. Just energy.
31. What is something you wish someone had told you when you first started?
That not everyone believes what you do. And its totally okay! Just maybe dont loudly announce your Ouija board antics with your science teacher in middle school.
32. Do you celebrate the Sabbats? If so which one is your favorite?
I havent before, but im going to try to this year
33. Would you ever teach witchcraft to your children?
Absolutely. I want my son to grow up the same way I did around magick. Itll be normal for him.
34. Do you meditate?
Sometimes! its definitely something im trying to do more often.
35. What is your favorite season?
Fall and Spring! Theres so much change
36. What is your favorite type of magick to preform?
Im not sure yet! Ive only just started branching out and actually considering what ive been doing all my life as magick.
37. How do you incorporate your spirituality into your daily life?
Daily affirmations/ protection spells, I manifest me and my sons happiness and safety every day.
38. What is your favorite witchy movie?
I dont think Ive seen any haha
39. What is your favorite witchy book, both fiction and non-fiction. Why?
The Darkest Powers books by Kelly Armstrong. More supernatural (vampires, werewolves, stuff like that) but I loved it growing up.
40. What is the first spell you ever preformed? Successful or not.
Knowingly, a protection spell from someone who had hurt me
41. What’s the craziest witchcraft-related thing that’s happened to you?
Im not sure! I can see auras if i really focus and can tune into someone, so maybe when i saw a family member with a pure black aura? That was freaky
42. What is your favourite type of candle to use?
I dont use candles! Bonfires or fires in fireplaces usually, to burn a paper if needed. Again, I dont trust myself with fire very much.
43. What is your favorite witchy tool?
My crystals and my tarot. They all have vibrations. Everything does but especially those, because im so connected to them
44. Do you or have you ever made your own witchy tools?
I want to! Havent yet
45. Have you ever worked with any magical creatures such as the fea or spirits?
Spirits, yes. I can call on family that Ive known in person for protection. Been doing that as long as i can remember
46. Do you practice color magic?
I used to! i dont really anymore.
47. Do you or have you ever had a witchy teacher or mentor of any kind?
My mom, aunt, and grandma!
48. What is your preferred way of shopping for witchcraft supplies?
Dollar store, thrift store, antique stores (though im always hesitant to use something that belonged to someone else. If there isnt a close emotional attachment, there wont be any noticeable vibrations.
49. Do you believe in predestination or fate?
I think theres a general way that things can happen. More like a decide your fate book. There are multiple options, it just depends on what you choose.
50. What do you do to reconnect when you are feeling out of touch with your practice?
Meditate, or go to the lake.
51. Have you ever had any supernatural experiences?
ohhhh boy. I got stories.
52. What is your biggest witchy pet peeve?
People thinking theyre better bc they have a crap ton of materials, thinking im less than because I visualize easier than with material items.
53. Do you like incense? If so what’s your favorite scent?
I do, I just cant very often. I have a child and very smell sensitive people livingg with me
54. Do you keep a dream journal of any kind?
I rarely ever remember a dream, so no
55. What has been your biggest witchcraft disaster?
Im not sure ive had one yet
56. What has been your biggest witchcraft success?
I havent seen who i dont want to see since protecting myself
57. What in your practice do you do that you may feel silly or embarrassed about?
Everything, haha. I think thats why I enjoy visualizing instead of rituals or verbal stuff.
58. Do you believe that you can be an atheist, Christian, Muslim or some other faith and still be a witch too?
Absolutely!
59. Do you ever feel insecure, unsure or even scared of spell work?
yes, I feel like it //can be// kinda like a genie in a bottle type thing. Itll work, but not without a price.
60. Do you ever hold yourself to a standard in your witchcraft that you feel you may never obtain?
Nope
61. What is something witch related that you want right now?
A cauldron to mix and burn things in haha
62. What is your rune of choice?
I dont know yet! Runes are something Im looking into
63. What is your tarot card of choice?
My birth card, the Tower.
64. Do you use essential oils? If so what is your favorite?
I love lemon and eucalyptus
65. Have you ever taken any kind of witchcraft or pagan courses?
nope!
66. Do you wear pagan jewelry in public?
Nope
67. Have you ever been discriminated against because of your faith or being a witch?
No one that would feel that way knows anything about it
68. Do you read or subscribe to any pagan magazines?
nope
69. Do you think it’s important to know the history of paganism and witchcraft?
Yes. Its like knowing world history and us history, We need to learn from the past.
70. What are your favorite things about being a witch?
I feel powerful, and connected and accepted by nature.
71. What are your least favorite things about being a witch?
having to tiptoe around things around certain people
72. Do you listen to any pagan music? If so who is your favorite singer/band?
Nope! ill have to look into it
73. Do you celebrate the Esbbats? If so, how?
I havent fully figured out what i want to do for the moon cycles yet, but I definitely want to. the moon and water are so closely related
74. Do you ever work skyclad?
No, but i mean.. maybe one day?
75. Do you think witchcraft has improved your life? If so, how?
I feel like i have more control of how im able to use my emotions and feelings
76. Where do you draw inspiration from for your practice?
The energy i talked about before.. It gets more intense and stronger sometimes, and i know i need to put more time and effort into my practice
77. Do you believe in ‘fantasy’ creatures? (Unicorns, fairies, elves, gnomes, ghosts, etc)
no, but i do believe in energy. not ghosts per say but definitely energy
78. What’s your favorite sigil/symbol?
I try to make most of them myself. I have one for protection while driving that i use for me and my boyfriend a lot. And one for the safety of my son.
79. Do you use blood magick in your practice? Why or why not?
Not as of right now. I did bleed onto my tarot cards on accident though..
80. Could you ever be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t support your practice?
Theres a difference between “doesnt understand and doesnt care to” and “fully doest support and refuses to let you practice safely”. I dont mind the first, but wouldnt stay with the second.
81. In what area or subject would you most like your craft to grow?
Reading auras, and tarot. Also just connecting with nature more
82. What’s your favorite candle scent? Do you use it in your practice?
I love fall scents! but no, i dont really use candles
83. Do you have a pre-ritual ritual? (I.e. Something you do before rituals to prepare yourself for them). If so what is it?
Meditate and protect
84. What real life witch most inspires your practice?
My mom honestly lmao. i dont think she views herself as a full witch though.And my aunt
85. What is your favorite method of communicating with deity?
I dont worship dieties. But i like to just be in natural and connect emotionally, nonverbally to this energy Im somehow connected with.
86. How do you like to organize all your witchy items and ingredients?
In this lil wooden box my mom gave me for my birthday to hold the tarot cards my grandma gave me haha.
87. Do you have any witches in your family that you know of?
my mom. aunt, and grandma. I know my grandpas grandma was a voodoo witch too.
88. How have you created your path? What is unique about it?
I havent seen much about nonverbal, mostly mental witchcraft. So i guess thats one unique thing.
89. Do you feel you have any natural gifts or affinities (premonitions, hearing spirits, etc.) that led you toward the craft? If so what are they?
A couple things. Feeling vibrations, the connection to nature, auras, growing up surrounded by it.
90. Do you believe you can initiate yourself or do you have to be initiated by another witch or coven?
I believe you can initiate yourself. I dont feel the need for someone elses validation is i know my connection with nature is real
91. When you first started out in your path what was the first thing or things you bought?
crystals, lmao
92. What is the most spiritual or magickal place you’ve been?
The southern oregon coast. honestly everywhere in oregon feels so alive and vibrating so heavily with energy. The water and the lush greenery is perfection.
93. What’s one piece of advice you’d give someone who is searching for their matron and patron deities?
I have no idea, I dont follow a deity
94. What techniques do you use to ‘get in the zone’ for meditation?
quiet, listen to music i like and that help calm me, slightly cool, a breeze is good. the sound of real water flowing from a lake or ocean. recordings of water dont help me. sometimes white noise if theres too much noise
95. Did visualization come easily to you or did you have to practice at it?
visualization is the easiest thing for me. ive always daydreamed so heavily that itll be like im dreaming with my eyes totally open and tracking.
96. Do you prefer day or night? Why?
early mornings, right as the sun is coming up.
97. What do you think is the best time and place to do spell work?
I like doing spell work before bed, when the moon is bright enough to light up what im doing
98. How did you feel when you cast your first circle? Did you stumble or did it go smoothly?
I dont know if it counts as casting a circle? but i visualize a swirling white ball of energy, starting out like a strawberry size in my hands, and every time i breath in, it gets bigger. Its a protection circle. i learned to do it at like?? 3 years old?
99. Do you believe witchcraft gets easier with time and practice?
Yup!
100. Do you believe in many gods or one God with many faces?
If i had to guess, id say multiple gods/ goddesses. one entity shouldnt have that much power imo.
101. Do you eat meat, eggs and dairy?
Ive been trying to go vegetarian, and i eat minimal eggs and dairy.
102. What is your favorite color and why?
dark, smokey colors. grey, black, dark muted purples, navy, smoky pink.
103. What is the one question you get asked most by non-practitioners or non-pagans? How do you usually respond?
I dont have many people im even slightly into that stuff, let alone a witch. So usually just “how do i cleanse my house? i think its haunted” type stuff
104. Which of your five senses would you say is your strongest?
Feel, haha, physically and emotionally.
105. What is a pagan or witchcraft rule that you preach but don’t practice?
Always properly cleanse new materials, haha
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