#ive been wanting a pet so bad
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I'm so tired. I feel like I'm nothing to the one person in my life who was supposed to be there with me through everything. It's all over. It's still over. Nothing is changing, especially how I feel. It hurts so much every day. I'm so tired of feeling like this and idk how to change. The number of nights I end up crying thinking about us, and about you, and about your new life, and the future we don't have anymore and will never have. Wondering what I'm doing and why I bother. I do it for you, and sometimes I find some motivation to grow and heal from the fact that I'm here, so I may as well try to stop suffering. But when I'm up too late, I wonder why. You made me promise, and I did because I love you, but if you don't feel the same way, why am I trying?
Why couldn't you just talk to me? Why didn't you want to try to make things work? I know you tried, and things were hard for you, but I tried so hard to make them easier, and instead of working with me, you just quit. And now I'm the guilty one for making you try so hard for so long and not getting anything out of me and it looks like I never tried, but I asked you so much and so often to help me in specific ways that you just. Wouldn't. You wouldn't listen to what I needed, you just tried to help in your own way, which is something of course, but at a certain point, is it?
And now. I keep trying to ask for help, and you always say you'll be there for me, but you never text me back. I keep making an effort to make plans, only for you to cancel again and again. I'm so tired of being ignored and blown off for days at a time only for you to turn around and worry that I'm mad at you when I can't respond to the text you sent me two hours after I went to bed until noon because work was busy. I'm tired of feeling stupid. I keep trying to ask if you'll go to this movie with me, and you can't even tell me yes or no. Every time I bring it up you just stop texting me back until the subject changes. I know I should take a hint, but you always turn around and tell me not to put words in your mouth. How am I supposed to not do that when you won't speak to me? I have to make some sort of assumption.
I'm so tired of not knowing what to do and always always always being wrong and never getting an answer when I ask you for help and guidance on what to do. You keep hovering in my life, making me feel stupid and leading me along just to watch me trip and fall so you can pick me up and tell me how much you care before you go home and ignore me for another week. I know you don't know what you want, but it's clear that it's not me, so why keep doing this to me?
#i keep getting closer to my limit#i need help so baf#and now that i have health insurance and can#see someone again#work has me out of town 4.5/5 weekdays#do i see a doctor in the city im working out of?#not sure how i would when i work 10-8:30#or 10:30-9#ive been wanting a pet so bad#to help with the loneliness#but who knows how long ill be doing this for work?#and then winter will come#im so fucking scared for my first winter alone#i want to run away#but I cant do it on my own#i dont know what it would solve.
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somewhat satisfied with this... pretty butterfly man...
#didnt want to diverge too drastically from his canon palette#but butterflies never retain their caterpillar colors so. blue-green & pink howdy supremacy#and a lot of butteflies have black bodies/legs and also dark gradients on arms/hands Absolutely Fucks#so he gets fancy black gradients! and cool wings!#his wings were a Bitch to do ngl#also fluff... butterfly fluff...#in my mind the back of his hindwings have big ol eyespots on em & smaller ones on the forewings#which you can kind of see#scribble salad#welcome home#welcome home puppet show#howdy pillar#yassified howdy <3#i didnt have to make him pink. but i did. for all of our sakes.#pink/teal is The color combo no i dont take criticism. im right.#its like the bad bitch version of red/blue#WAIT IMPORTANT QUESTION. googling if butterfly fluff is soft#probably... ive always been too scared of hurting them to pet the ones ive caught/held#theyre not as sturdy as moths or bees. both of which are very soft and i wish they were dog-sized#so i could have a honeybee pet.#GETTING OFF TOPIC ONCE AGAIN#howdy Is very sturdy tho! so it'd be totally safe to-#actually yknow what im gonna stop right there
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have just been introduced to a kitten named rascal who lives on my floor and whose babysitters (who are not his owner?) were trying Really hard to goad me into adopting which like. he's a little baby and he's so so so silly and he barely even bit me but like also. this cat isn't yours???? anyway if the owner's giving him up then I might finally have a cat which like AHHHHHG
#i wanna cat SO BADD#but also i dont think this is the best environment to have ANY non-tank pet tbqh#and i dont wanna have to give him away if my housing situation changes bc my parents house wouldnt work#(one of our dogs has a pretty strong prey drive and i dont wanna risk it)#also the poor guy seems a bit skittish and i think the 2 big dogs would scare him#and then there's the 'is he my cat or your cat' thing w my roommate#i think the answer would be hes my cat bc shes more ambivalent but she can actually take him home so like#and ive pretty much been banking on going home after college anyway so like??? in the long term where would he go???#but also my dogs are getting older.. maybe by then they'll be gone and that problem'll go away#but hell my room there's bigger than my dorm room so even if we kept him in there it'd be a better space than here#it'd be a step up#ugh idk. i think it's a bad idea to have a cat in rooms this small in general. but i don't wanna see him go to a shelter either#like he's young and cute so maybe it'll be easier for him but he's also not super cuddly with strangers as far as i can tell#idk... im worried about him.... poor little rascal#like one of the girls mentioned being mean to him and i dont want him to be mistreated#like shining lights in his face and stuff#idk... sigh......#im considering transferring schools at some point. worst case scenario is i go somewhere they dont allow pets and i have to#either find a foster parent or give him away completely#but i really dont wanna have to do that if i can help it. i never want to put a pet that loves and depends on me in a situation like that#much less me like id bawl my ass off#but if theyre treating him bad then even if my situation isnt perfect wouldnt taking him in be in the right anyway?#but how long does that stand for? until i can find him a better home? ughh
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the worst bit of prose ive ever written.
#sophie speaks#series:www#the reason what we want reads as a delirious ramble is because it is. me and fevers are too close#i am sick again. ouchies. trying my best#i think ive been sick for a while I'm only just now trying to fight it back and it HURTS. fuck chronic pain/illness#my face hurts so bad man it feels like I've been punched in#what i get for petting my cats L
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i had a dream i had a beautiful loving friendship with gus fring to match the one where i was besties with mike. im so broken take me BACK!!!!!
#i could FIX him#alsooooo jesse was there i think he like. helped save gus at some point idk#i was like god damn best episode EVARRRR. heartbroken#i dont rlly remember the details i kinda slept like shit so im a bit scrambled#but ik we were fucking around w like.. game code? to make a pet shop?#so fucking random#we made a starfish and fucked up dog. there was a pool. a guy tried to kill gus. OH#he got shot and i had to stop him from bleeding out until the ambulance arrived#also he called. and cus they were super busy he was like ‘i can provide information aboyt felonies. also i have been shot in the chest’ LOL#wtf mike got shot in my dream abt him too. why thats so random#there was also a separate dream abt ummm. idk some sort of puzzle thing we had to do as a team…? saul was there. he set a fire as a scheme#but the fire ppl wouldnt come until he said there were ppl inside 😭#idk if i ever talked abt the mike dream here actually.#we were just friends…. besties… and he got SNIPED…….. and i tried to save him but he died#it was so sad the next day i was sad like all morning#feels similar now. miss u gus#^^^ EFFECTS OF ZERO FRIENDS#ummm anyway. more updates#i bought a meta quest like on impulse cus i saw they were cheaper now. the thing fucking sucks but vr is so awesome#ive been mostly playing beat saber cus my room is teeny tiny so i cant rlly safely turn#i started making my own map w a patricia taxxon song. SUPER fun i can see this becoming a new hobby#ive also been fucking around in vrchat a little. that shit is mindblowing#so immersive. its like unbelievable#ive only been playing that solo rn bc im shy and also testinb how well my laptop csn hsndle it LOL….#but its so awesome. i feel like a little kid#i had to get a better headstrap and face pad bc the stock pne is So bad. like i camt wear it for more thsn like 20 mins at a time#so maybe when that comes i will muster up the courage to go into public worlds#best world i have visted so far. udons bird sanctuary. i think irs called#U CAN FEED DUCKSSSSS. WAAAAGHHHH#one day i want to make my own avatar too. im feeling the inspiration
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? Olive has the same meow for "please come pet me while i eat" and "please come here and play with me" now, which only developed after i bought her a new toy (quickly became her new favorite) which is interesting. maybe this is a general meow for "pay attention to me" now .. she no longer really meows for being pet while she eats anymore after buying this toy for them both, for some reason, which is good (that was a REALLY bad habit of hers ive been trying to wean her off of)
#her meow for ''please play with me'' USED to be a very high pitched cry which changed#i feel like ive been playing with her in the same amount as i used to though so i dont think its that#she has the ''pet me while i eat'' habit because as a kitten my family had many adult cats that used to bully her#so i would make sure they didnt push her away from the food dish by staying near her when she ate. which she then wanted into adulthood#i then specifically would feed my cats upstairs in my room after that went on too long#that was a combination of a lot of bad things all at once that she grew up in (family only giving cats one food dish & free feeding them)#i would later atleast convince them to add a second and third dish to different areas that i'd maintain#while having my own food and water up in my room for my cats#.. still .. there were 7 cats.#its a lot better now though. there's only 3 cats that live in that house now. and i took my two girls with me here#i get to care for them how i'd like now .. its better that way#she developed the very high pitched cry when i left for a year while i was trying to sort out my living situation.#apparently she used to meander the house carrying a toy around and looking for me the year i was away#i know thats a separation anxiety thing (she also does this when i go to work and go to sleep) but she'll do it for play as well#they both have different toy collections and styles of play they prefer that im trying to add to and expand#i wanna get one of those kick-y toys next. those fish that wiggle. i think Olive specifically will LOVE that#Hope is more of a ribbon-toy and laser light girl. Olive likes to kick and kill her toys but has overlap with toys Hope likes too
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I think if I had a pet cat I would be physically unable to get mad at it. That cat could literally set my house on fire and kill my dad and I’d still be like “Silly kitty :) How did you get into the gasoline and lighters? :) That’s not a cat toy! :D You’re lucky you’re so cute or you’d be on trial for arson! :D”
#Im petsitting for a friend this week and their cat is SO friendly#So weve been hanging out and Ive been petting him so much and AAAAA#I WANT A CAT SO BAD DAMNIT#But still he was literally biting my laptop screen and I was acting exactly like this#bird chirps
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goin thru it lads, pls ignore
#just got some extremely bad news about my last childhood pet being put down tomorrow#and i want to be there when it happens but my dad is giving me so much push back abt it#and i also found out that my friend's bf cheated on her so i want to go there and cheer her up but im gonna also be devastated abt my dog#and idk if i can even bring it up to my friend bc she has a lot of trauma around her own dog dying a few years ago#so i dont want to bring it up at all but also#would it be worse to hear about it or to find out that i didnt say anything and she doesnt get to say goodbye either#and its going to be hell to be around my dad because he's upset too and will definitely take it out on me#he can just be really cruel and thoughtless#the whole situation is absolutely fucked and my mom isnt even here to support me and i feel so lost and bad#ive been crying at work all day and my dad is angry that im going to take the day off tomorrow to be there but i can't NOT be there#ANYWAY sorry this is so negative
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something difficult about writing/storytelling but only in short disconnected bursts is that writing anything longform is very difficult. there isn't as much time to practice long-term character development or subtlety (implying character instead of immediately clarifying) when its not really meant to go anywhere but a notes app. its a little frustrating...i'd love to do something more longform though. i've considered maybe just doing some short writing scenes in my various original universes a lot recently mostly because i just havent had time to draw anything fancy recently </3 maybe that would be something...
#briefly talked about it with a coworker today bc i mentioned my brother makes music#and she got excited because she paints and she showed me some of her work (beautiful btw!!!)#and said she hopes he pursues music and doesnt get his heart crushed by retail like we do#we still make things but ive been thinking about it...it really is like#i feel like ive had less TIME to make things but ive also developed more interest in my own ideas#and in constructing them on their own terms. its hard to describe and even harder to share because its#not churning out fanart for a response i guess?#i dont know. i do feel more satisfied with what im planning but theres less to share#anyway i promised her i'd show her my art sometime so essentially i have to flee the country now#she does lovely work she paints pictures of pets and it seems so nice. she seems so happy with it!#its like...i love it. im a little jealous of it. i feel so much pressure to Do Something New with my art#try to craft scenes and settings (i think setting is such ann important part of storytelling but i have so much trouble drawing it!)#and try new compositions and poses and just not have everything look the same all the time#its led to a lot of work im proud of but its also hard to create under those expectations...#i wish i could find a niche and settle into it comfortably. i think fun character drawings could be that for me#but its...it frustrates me to post those because it feels like if its easy and i like doing it and how it turns out then im not trying#okay i think im done now. sorry for these rambling introspective posts lately lol im#trying to warm back up to posting so i can use this website again (despite how very very bad it is)...#i want to see my frieeeeeends <//////3 i want to be here without running away <///3
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omg hey hotties 😭😭 im back !
#sooooooooooooo anyways not me dropping off the face of the earth for like the entire summer vwkqmqjdhsowjwjwjenkwhwk#just had to die for a little bit u know....disappear into the abyss and all that#pls look away from all the shit im abt to throw into these tags 😁 unless u want 2 read my cringe oversharing essay for the day 👍#my summer was so silly 😍 ummmmm lets see i lost my fulltime job at the daycare bc the owner very rightfully decided to retire and close#so i was unemployed for the whole summer except for my occasional side jobs and also had to move bc of family shit#so im living w my grandma for the time being and its utterly amazing tbh my grandma and i have a really strong bond and relationship#and i really love getting to come home and see her every day. i decorated her house for halloween a week ago 🎃🎃🎃#and she couldnt stop talking abt how nice everything looked and how glad she was to have me there and i just abt broke down 😭😭😭#i did a complete fucking 180 jobwise im actually training to be a certified fire alarm inspector now LMFAO#i really really like it so far and have like a million stories already abt all the shit ive done/seen so far#im the only girl looking son of a bitch thats working and training in the field out of my entire region of the company so 🤪#literally shoved my dykey nb ass in there and now im fucking it up with the boys heyoooooo#ummm me and one of my best friends started dating bc of a miscommunication (BC OFC WE DID I KNOW I KNOW ITS SO MF GAY)#and our 4 mo anniversary will be on halloween which i think is the swaggiest fag shit in the whole WORLLLDDDDDDDD 😫🎃🖤🧡#my very beloved pet rabbit of over 8 years died quite unexpectedly in august and i was. doing pretty bad for awhile which sucked so so hard#he had multiple health issues and was over 10 yrs old so its hard to say what exactly happened. my gf and gma both pulled me thru that shit#and my besties gave me so much support and love idek what i would have done w/o them. i miss my baby so bad.#ive also had some health issues which sucks absolute BALLS#and recently figured out that the migraine/anti depressant meds ive been on for the last THREE MF YEARS have been fucking up my body lmao#but on the flipside going back 2 the positives i got to have some really incredible experiences/interactions in the past few months#and those were really huge in helping me get my shit together again#i got to take my girlboygirlfriend on little daytrips throughout the summer. i got a second tat🕷🕸❣️ (which my gf designed 😫)#i met girl queen pussy slay miss felicia day AND met the sexiest creature alive harvey guillen and he told me he liked my hair#which im still super duper normal over i can assure u 😁👍 definitely didnt alter my brain chemistry or anything#i saw gods greatest and most valuable gift to this planet on monday (mcr concert)#and had my entire mind body heart and soul so thouroughly fucked up that im still peeing my goddamn pants over it#and of course now its october :) my rotting flesh and sickened brain knows peace once more#bouta go eat up some drawtober posts right the fuck now so prepare yourselves 👁👁 also gonna be making a post on the coc blog soon as well#its already that time of year again mwhahahahahahahahahaha#so yeah 😋 my summer was goofy and silly as hell. i hope u all have been doing okay and im so happy 2 be back pls hmu if u wanna chat !!!
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Listen, love (a Zukka poem)
Listen, love, I have a few things to ask:
I have been thinking about our skins.
How
Bright the dark of your knee is to mine,
And how the red of my cheek is too harsh to yours, darling
Could you close your eyes, love, for me ?
Could you ignore the fire tainting my skin ?
Could you see the depth of me and still find me worthy of adoration ?
Could you cradle my face and kiss it, sweetheart, everywhere you can reach ?
It would sooth the aches, love, I think.
I could give you my everything, mon amour
I could let myself burn at your fingertips, darling
I could let the wave of your words drown me, 亲爱的
I could trust your hands around my neck, aakuluk.
Our knuckles meet, for a second or two-
I forget about the fire in me,
And let the sight of you so close fill me up.
Could you take my hands in yours, darling ?
Could you ?
#like…15 minutes thing#Ive been talking about poetry with a friend so now I want to post some more#im definitely not obsessed with pet names what are you talking about#Uh I speak French but the Chinese and#inuktitut i looked up online so if it’s wrong my bad#fell free to correct me please#Zukka#atla#Zuko#fandom poetry#poetry#my art#one sided love#body#soft#love
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sea of thieves ships make me sad, but like, in the way that you get when you see unhealthy cat breeds. like. holy shit where are the shrouds. where are the staysails. actually where are the stays in general. there should be ratlines but instead there are ladders and they aren't even on all of the masts. who combined the clewlines and sheets what is wrong with you. do any of them even have jibs. halyards. sails past an upper topsail or a t'gallant. anything. who is breeding these ships i want to speak to the person in charge
#candy posts#unreality#<- just in case#this post is literally just me exposing myself as an obnoxious sailor but sea of thieves innacuracies are my one and only pet peeve#the ships look like plastic kids toys but in the worst possible way#''its stylised'' yeah well stylised humans still have fingers and legs and ears and shit#stop leaving out essential anatomical features just to appeal to a ''simplistic'' and ''pretty'' style. its bad for the boats.#they need shrouds to be healthy. do you want the fucking masts to topple or break. i dont fucking think so#i do actually think that they miiight have halyards but i can barely fucking tell and all the yards look pretty tightly affixed which is :/#i will not play your sailing game until you make the ships and mechanics more accurate. bitch. i will die on this fucking hill#if anyone wants to know what any of the weird sailing words in this post mean then feel free to ask me#but you may be signing yourself up for a long ass lecture#sailing terms are extensive and make no sense unless you take into account the fact that its been a thing for like. several millenia#and often words get smashed together or shortened (haul yards (function) -> halyard etc)#cant explain why theres a rope thats called a horse tho. ive never understood that one
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literally the only reason i am not in as bad a mental health place as i was in in december is bc i’m done w school now and i never have to go back or deal with being a student again if i don’t want to and also bc i know there is a high likelihood that there are some big important helpful highly desired changes on my horizon in the next few months and years. but i am really not doing good right now
#purrs#scotus leaked draft + buffalo shooting + dallas shooting + uvalde shooting + monkeypox + covid cases rising + losing my last 3 weeks of#college and graduation + losing my freedom for who knows how long and moving back home + friends and family getting covid + pushing myself#to the limit finishing my capstone + watching my loved ones suffer with the situations in their own lives = is it ethical to bring children#into this world is it reasonable to think that i will one day live with autonomy again and find a romantic partner and have a pet and enjoy#my life and see all the people i love doing the same. all ive been able to do this week outside of finishing school my job application etc#is doomscroll about the shootings and covid and monkeypox when i really should be doomscrollimg through my fucking save tag that i curated#specifically to counteract these situations and give me reasons to find hope but i don’t have the strength or see the point bc im only gonn#lose the hope again. but i know there’s a point but i can’t get myself to see it and maybe it’s bc km just so exhausted but idk. and one of#the WORST parts of this is that if the job works out i am going to have to understand that people will look at me differently part of which#means that people — STUDENTS like i just was 2 days ago!!! — will look to me expecting that i have answers or at the very least hope and i#literally do not have hope right now and after national events this month i don’t know if i’ll ever feel hope again. so it’s like fuck i#wont be able to do my fucking job that i feel called to do and want to do more than anything lol. but i already won’t be able to do it bc t#the chances that i can go to [insert convferwrnce] when it involves being on a plane and navigating people who won’t wear masks are so low#and * already snarked about it to me yesterday which really hurt my feelings like i don’t think she was trying to be mean but it’s like yes#the fuck i can hide in the van forever i do NOT want to get covid. but i also do not want to miss [conference] and it’s just so stupid that#im going to have to keep making these choices because this nightmare country has decided covid doesn’t exist anymore. idk lol#i know everything in my life could be a lot worse and also that it is objectively WORLDS better than it was very recently bc i graduated an#im done now. but this month has sucked so unbelievably bad and June is also going to be hard and im just scared i will never be happy or#hopeful again or that every time i am something new will knock it down (which is a given living in the usa lol) and that it would be#unethical to try to do the BASIC bare minimum things i have always wanted to do in my life. lole#negative tw#ask to tag#abortion tw#shooting tw#mass shooting tw#monkeypox tw
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Yknow I wrote sm long corny sad posts but I thought about it and I cried about it and I got it out and I decided instead of being sad to be inspired by all the ppl I follow who are going through so much of their own things but still manage to be charming and lively and steadfast in their goals. Honestly its wicked nice to be at a point in my life where nearly everytime I start falling apart my gut instinct is to figure out how I could make it better, even if only a little bit. What a fine way to christen the month of November lol
#rambling#i love my friends i love my family i love my pets and my stuffed animals#i love my sweaters and my blankets and my sheets and my jewelry and my socks#i love my favorite brand of coffee and precious moments and candles and vodka#i love the glow in the dark stars on my ceiling and the real stars in the sky and the clouds and the rain and the changing leaves#i could go on but the point is made#no wait one more. i love how stubborn i am. i refuse to make my life worse for the sake of feeling worse and im so proud of myself#this is deep enough in to say ive been wanting to hurt myself soooooooo bad lately like for months.i never thought id feel like this again#but im so glad to know i have reasonable ways of managing it and taking care of myself at the same time#like i love being sore after exercising and the pain of stretching and i will never hurt myself intentionally again amen#like literally there is no reason for me to treat myself poorly when i wouldnt treat another person like that#i have to do the best i can for me because no one else will and i need to be the best i can so i can be for the ppl i care about
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hate hate hate when people aks your advice & then ignore it
#i should say beg actually. she begs for my advice on dog stuff#& then ignores me#‘why is he doing this’ ‘how do i deal with this’ ‘ hes sick what do i do’ ‘what should i do about this’#& then when i give her the answers in the gentlest way i can so she doesnt feel bad (even tho she should) she doesnt listen to me anyways#todays wasnt that bad but i rlly didnt want to answer cuz i didnt want to feel like… too involved ig idk#she asked me what to name her new puppy. obviously im not just gonna tell her what to name her fricken dog thats over stepping#but she cant leave well enough alone. so i said wjat we do (which has also been reinforced for me because freds dog trainers say the same#figure out what kind of vibe you want for your pet. the name helps shape who theyll be so u gatta figure out what u want first#i also said how there doesnt need to be a name rn she can think on it#but does she listen to me? no. ‘hm idk what vibe i want. i want a name now so i can call him’#why ask. why.#also the fact that she got this dog also rlly ticks me off lol.#because the other one is under a year yet & if anybody reads these… then u know she still hast gotten a vet. since october#now im gonna have to fake being happy even tho this is an awful idea#itd be one thing if she didnt beg for my opinion & then completely ignore it. while pretending like she’s actually listening to what im say#maybe you should have found a fucking vet for the first one & actually work w it before getting another one#& ofc it is a puppy. which are terrible. ik her bf is gonna be so fed up with the two dogs#i dont want to hear it anymore i dont want her to ask me things ive tried & im done#i hope everything works out the way they want but i rlly rlly doubt that
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I'm starting to see ppl talk abt updating their artfight pages and at first I was like what why it's still months away and then it hit me that by months it was two months and now I'm just silently sweating as my anual side project to remake the eternal gales refs and give them all icons comes back to haunt me
#rat rambles#oc posting#well I mean the good news is that all the staliens are already done and Ive already started on the human kids#the bad news is that theres still 5 more refs for me to remake and 9 icons if I decide to commit to that#the only one Ill probably force myself to do is sprinkles since shes the only stalien that doesnt have one and I dont want to leave her out#the human kids might just not get them tho especially since theres other characters Id like to make refs and icons for too#not as many newbies to the field this year which is a good thing since I do not have a lot of space left for new characters lol#Im probably going to take it easy this year in terms of my goals for artfight since last year I crashed and burned Hard#hopefully Ill have the time and motivation to draw a decent amount but if I dont Ill try not to be too broken up about it#especially since Ill probably burn myself out a bit doing the last minute ref rush lol#its not necessary especially since all the guys who needed the new refs most got theirs but Id like for them to be on the same page#I also went ahead and cleaned up my page a lil bit to make my life easier in the future#I should probably update bios and stuff but I dont feel like it Im too tired#tomorrow Im definitely going to need to clean some more as I have been for nearly every day#I mean guess thats why Im here in part#last week of pet sitting tho so soon Ill be back home again#Im not sure if Im excited or dreading it cause while I miss my family I also have been rly enjoying a house to myself#like its not necessary easy to do all the chores and stuff but it's a lot easier to do said chores when Im alone#and Ive actually been waking up at reasonable times too like not having my mom floating around is doing wonders#its almost making me rethink my insistence that I couldnt live alone but I definitely think itd get to me in the long term I need people#I just wish there was a better middleground since having people constantly in the house stresses me out so bad#it leads to me hiding out all day in my room and that's just not good for me#but its not like I could live by myself even if I wanted to#at this rate I dont think Ill ever move out but lets not think abt how much worse that could be for me thats future me's problem
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