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somekindofpoet · 1 year

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Like A Movie

Summary: Reader is a struggling screenwriter but things start looking up when they get a surprise visitor who wants to buy their movie.

Jenna Ortega X Fem! Reader

Word Count: 2.8K

A/N: This takes place 10 years in the future. I’m suffering some serious writers block on my other fic and hopefully this helps. It feels weird to write about a real person, but it came so easily I couldn't waste it.

Part II Part III Part IV Part V Part VI Part VII Part VIII Part IX

You’re an up and coming screenwriter. You just retired after twenty years in the military, and now you’re living in a tiny apartment in LA. You figure you spent your youth doing a job you hated, sacrificing everything and for what? Now you’re going to live out your dream.

The truth is, you’d written page after page and screenplay on screenplay on screenplay and you had nothing to show for it. You sent them all out, hoping and praying for a bite. But now it’s been a year, you’re 38 and the only thing you have to show for your efforts is an apartment full of stacks of haphazardly bound paper and a serious caffeine and nicotine addiction.

Until now. You had written a full feature film, probably the 100th one you’d finished. You stuck it in a drawer months ago, but decided to pull it out and rewrite. You wrote until your fingers ached and your eyes burned. You edited until you felt as if you cut actual pieces of your soul out and threw them away. And finally, you had your final draft. When you printed and bound it, you didn’t think twice about it. You’d figured it would probably end up in the pile of your other stories, gathering dust and resentment.

Your sister came down from Northern California to visit you, and one day while you were out she’d picked up the script and read the entire 120 pages. She was beside herself. She hounded you until you gave in. The compromise was you’d only send it to A24, not even gathering the hope that anyone would read it. And you thought it had been dumped in the trash, until you got a phone call.

You were standing in your kitchen watching your espresso machine spit its sweet lifeblood into your oversized mug when your phone rang. You considered not answering. You hated talking on the phone, and it was an unknown number. But this is Hollywood, so you know you’re obligated to pick up in case it’s an agent.

“Hello?”

“Hello. Is this the author of Secessus?” A man’s voice comes through the phone.

“Uh, yes?”

“Are you currently at your apartment?”

You look around, confused. You walk to your kitchen window and look outside, but all you see is the bag lady rummaging through the dumpster.

“Yeah. This is creepy, I’m hanging up.”

Your last sentence fell on a dead line. The person on the other end had already hung up after you had confirmed you were home. You shake your head and pick up your mug, taking one last glance outside.

“Weird.” You say as you shuffle back to your desk. Your computer is open to a new script you’re working on, this one is a spec for tv. You figured you’d try your hand at a multi-episode plot and hope to get picked up for a writers room on another show. If you weren’t going to write something original, at least you’d still get to write something.

You’re about to start tapping away at your keyboard when there’s a soft knocking at your door. You glance at it, then at your phone. None of your friends ever came over unannounced. They knew you hated that. So who the fuck was this?

You get up, and tiptoe to the door. At least if you’re quiet you can look through the peephole and see who it is without alerting them to your presence. This way if it’s someone you don’t want to interact with, you can go back to your desk and pretend you aren’t home. You stand on your tiptoes and close one eye, pressing the other to the small glass window in the door.

All you can make out is a small figure, like really small. They’re wearing a bucket hat but you can see brown hair falling over their shoulders. The person is clearly nervous, and you can see them spinning the rings on their fingers. It’s a girl.

You lower yourself back down, frowning. It was a rare occasion you turned a girl away from your door, but you had no clue who this was. You get back on your tip toes again to get another look. She’s looking right at the peephole, and even waves at it. You can’t tell who it is because she’s wearing massive pittvipers under her hat, effectively covering her face.

You lower yourself again, more confused. You shrug to yourself and figure ‘what’s the worst that could happen? She tries to sell me a bible and I tell her I’m a big fat lesbian. Byeee.’ Before opening the door you look down at yourself. You’re bra-less and wearing a white ribbed tank top (formerly know as a wife beater but now affectionately dubbed a wife pleaser) and gray sweats. You are perfectly aware that you look like shit, but you don’t care. Maybe it’ll scare the girl away.

Another knock raps against your door, this time louder and more frantic.

“Hello? I know you’re in there can you please open up? I really need to talk to you.” The girl says from the other side.

She has a sweet voice, high in pitch but not piercingly so. You sigh in resignation and grab the doorknob. The damn thing wasn’t even locked. You swing the door open and blink at the sudden blast of sunlight in your face.

The girl is there, bouncing on her toes with anxiety. She looks up at you, and you think she looks shockingly familiar. You can’t quite place it though, not with the hat and the sunglasses. She’s wearing a baggy white shirt with a green hem and denim jeans. She’s casual but you can tell that it’s calculated. She’s trying to blend in.

“Uhm, can I help you?”

“Are you y/n?” She asks.

“Yes? Is this a joke? Did you have someone call me?” You’re slightly worried now, and still half blind from the sun shining in your eyes.

“Can I come inside?” She asks, glancing behind her nervously.

“Are you in trouble or something? Am I being roped into like some action movie scenario?”

She laughs, and you can’t help yourself but think it’s a pleasant sound. She still seems so familiar. Maybe if your damned eyes would adjust you could figure out who this woman is.

“I’m not in trouble, I just want to talk to you about your script. And I’m pretty sure there’s a paparazzi in your neighbors trash can.” She says, glancing across the parking lot.

You smile, “Oh no, that’s just Janice. She’s the bag lady.”

The girl looks at you like you’re crazy. At least you think she does, because you can’t see much of her face behind the giant reflective glasses she’s wearing. You find yourself feeling slightly indignant. Who is this girl to look at you crazy when she’s the stranger knocking on your door and asking to come inside?

“So?” She says, still looking up at you.

“Oh, uhm…” you hesitate. Your apartment is a disaster. There were scripts and coffee cups everywhere, and likely a pair of socks or two. “This is about Secessus?”

She nods, raising her eyebrows above her glasses. Is she getting impatient? The stones on this girl. You sigh and relent, stepping to the side and waving your hand inside to usher her in. She hurriedly slides past you, her converse squeaking on your wood floors. You shut the door and turn to her. She’s staring at your living room.

You grimace, “Oof, I wasn’t expecting company so…it’s a mess.”

She approaches a stack of scripts and runs her fingers along the cover page. When she speaks her voice is quiet, almost reverent. Like she’s speaking in a church.

“Are these all screenplays?”

“Yeah- wait, you haven’t even told me your name dude, and you’re in my house. How do you know about Secessus?”

She doesn’t turn around, instead thumbing through the script you know is called Green Ties. You wrote it two months ago and have yet to revise it.

“Because I read it.”

Realization dawns on you, “Oh you’re from A24?”

She hums, “You could say that. Sometimes.”

She takes her glasses off but she’s still turned away from you.

“Sometimes? Are you like an agent or something?” You ask as you move around her into your living room.

She looks up at you and you immediately know who she is. How it took you so long is still a mystery, but now that you can see her of course you know her. Brown eyes, a spattering of freckles across the bridge of her nose, the most perfect cupids bow lip.

Jenna motherfucking Ortega.

“That’s me. Except it’s Marie, not motherfucking. Although that would be a pretty dope middle name.” She replies with a shrug.

You hadn’t even realized you said it out loud. Your mouth is hanging open and you’re eternally grateful you set your coffee down or it would be on the floor. Along with your pride. You glance down at yourself now painfully aware that you look like a bum who hadn’t showered in a week.

“Jenna Ortega. In my apartment. Read my script.” You think you may be going into shock. She does too.

“Do you want to sit down?” She’s worried, you can see it on her face.

You nod and gesture toward your dining room table. It’s the only surface that isn’t covered in your manuscripts. You grab your coffee from your desk and sit with it at the table, your hands shaking as Jenna sits down across from you. You set the cup down, mentally kicking yourself

“Would you uh-do you want an espresso?” You’re scrambling now, desperately trying to make this scenario less fucking weird.

She smiles at you and pulls the hat off her head, shaking her hair free. “I’d love one.”

You get up, far too quickly to be considered normal but you figure that ship has sailed now, and make her a cup. As you’re waiting for the machine you begin to gather your senses, willing yourself to be a normal human being for once in your life.

“So, uhm, I just want to apologize. If I had known,” you pause and lean into the counter, looking back at her. “I would have been more…presentable.”

She leans her elbow on your table and rests her head in her hand, still smiling at you. Why is she smiling at you?

“I prefer it this way. It feels more real.”

“Well it feels pretty fuckin unreal to me right now.” You blurt out before you can stop yourself. You grimace at your words but she laughs again. Before you can say anything else the espresso machine chimes telling you Jenna’s coffee is ready. You turn and grab it, quickly setting it down in front of her.

You sit back in your chair, then stand back up when you realize, “Oh shoot do you want anything with it? I have sugar cubes and oat milk, if you’re into that.”

She shakes her head no and blows over the top of the mug, “This is great, thank you.”

You sit back down. You know you’re being a fool. You just can’t get your feet under you. She’s still smiling at you, her eyes shining. She looks exactly like her pictures, maybe even better in person. Her 20s have treated her well and she wears 30 like a goddess. You close your eyes in frustration, seriously what is wrong with you?! Get it together y/n. You take a deep breath and open your eyes again. She’s watching you closely, half hidden amusement on her face.

“So. You’re here about my movie?”

She nods, her face lighting up like she’s just remembered why she’s here too. “Yeah! A24 gave me the script last week and once I picked it up I couldn’t put it down. I’ve read it at least ten times now. I’ve even found myself rehearsing all the lines for all the characters, I’m obsessed.”

You’re dumbfounded. Jenna Ortega is sitting at your kitchen table and she’s obsessed with your script. You briefly wonder if you’ve ascended into an alternate universe.

She takes your silence as an invitation to go on. “So I wanted to come here and meet the person who wrote it. I want to make this movie. If you’ll let me.”

“You. You want to make my movie?”

She nods, sipping her coffee. “I’d like to be in it too, obviously. But A24 would produce it. It’d be my directorial debut. But like, if you’re not cool with that we can hire someone too.”

This whole morning must be a dream. You’re dreaming, you decide. And if this is a dream it doesn’t matter what you say.

“You’ve got to be shitting me right now.”

She laughs again, you feel proud. That’s three times in the span of ten minutes you’ve made Jenna Ortega laugh. But of course this is a dream. So you’re great.

“I’m not shitting you. What do you think?”

“I think I’m dreaming.” You say.

She laughs again. You’re crushing it.

“You’re not dreaming.” She reaches across the table and grabs your hand. You KNOW you’re dreaming now because Jenna Ortega is holding your hand. “See, I’m real. You’re real. And we’re going to make your movie.”

“Holy shit.”

“You haven’t said yes yet.”

You nearly fall out of your chair. “Yes! Yes a million times yes! You can act all the parts, direct it, produce it, burn it to the ground for all I care, are you kidding me?”

Her laughter is quickly becoming the soundtrack to your morning. “I don’t think I can act all the parts, and A24 is on board so we just need to cast the rest.”

You feel like a fish, your mouth is moving but absolutely nothing is coming out. She pulls her hand back and takes another drink of her coffee.

“I’m sure this is sort of overwhelming. But I want you on set with me. And I want you to help me with the cast. If you agree, the studio already has your contract drawn up. They’ll pay you for the script and we’ll start in two months.”

You take a sip of your coffee, then look deep into the cup. Did your sister slip shrooms in the espresso again? You look back to Jenna, she’s patiently waiting for you to answer her.

“I’m sorry,” you say, “I’m trying to get it together right now. But yes. To all of it. Yes.” You run your hands through your hair, a nervous habit.

Jenna grins at you over her mug. She has her fingers interlaced around it and she’s clinking one of her rings against the porcelain. If you didn’t know any better you’d say she was excited. Thrilled even.

“Great!” She says, “I’ll let them know.”

You nod. Thanking the universe she’s already read the script because she would probably think you were an idiot if she didn’t know that you could write. You could not pull it together. This morning was just so WEIRD.

“Do you usually make house calls to writers?” You ask her, attempting to compose yourself.

“No. This one is special. And now that I’ve met you, I know I made the right decision.” She downs the last of her coffee and stands.

You stand with her, and move around the table as she makes her way toward your door. You lean around her when she’s in the entry and open it, letting her out. As she’s about to step outside she turns to you.

“That coffee is incredible by the way. How do you feel about this time tomorrow?”

“How do I feel?”

She nods, pulling her hat and sunglasses back on. “Yeah. Do you mind if I come back by to go over the details? I’d stay longer today but I have to go to a casting call.”

“Uh, of course. I’ll have a cup waiting for you.”

You mentally pat yourself on the back. Good job y/n, so smooth, much rizz.

She grins even wider and turns on her heel, heading down the stairs, leaving you standing in the doorway, awestruck. You watch her as she gets into a town car waiting in the parking lot, and wait till it drives away before you close your door.

“What the fuck.” You say quietly, “wait what the fuck?!” You yell this time.

Excitement pumps through your veins and you can’t help yourself but to dance a little jig around the stacks in your living room. Your script is bought! You’re making a movie! Jenna Ortega is coming back to your apartment tomorrow!

You stop dancing, the realization spreading over you. Jenna is coming back over tomorrow. You look around. You have some work to do before she comes back. You pick up your phone and call your best friend, you’re going to need his help if you’re going to get this place cleaned up.

He picks up after two rings.

“Nando. You are not gonna believe the fucking morning I’ve had. How soon can you get here?”

#jenna ortega x reader #jenna ortega #jenna ortega x y/n #Wednesday #vada cavell #tara carpenter #jenna ortega x fem!reader

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quaranmine · 3 months

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How do you go about writing mysteries? Like how your firewatch one has its slow drip of discoveries and backstories and stuff. I keep getting totally lost, cuz I already know my endings, and keep forgetting the audience doesnt and shouldnt know the same. Mysteries are fun. They are also the hardest thing ive ever tried to write.

Honestly, mysteries are SO hard. I don't really know how to write them well either. And your ask honestly surprised me some, because up until this point I have never really considered my AU to succeed as a mystery. There is some legitimate mystery in the story (as to where Mumbo is) but, as it becomes clear in chapter 10 I think, most of the things about the Forest Service, Grian's conspiratorial thinking, and finding someone to blame are just set dressing. Or, to give myself more credit, more character study than reality. Something I've had written in the outline since day one is "Is this a mystery, or is Grian just convinced it's a mystery?" Half of the mystery in the story is finding out what actually happened, and half of the mystery is actually just a character study on Grian's grief and thought processes.

I going to put the rest under a cut, it gets kind of long. I can probably talk about my AU forever honestly. And if anyone reading this isn't caught up to at least chapter 10 this will spoil things:

But anyway. I think the best advice I have is to work backwards. You say you already know your ending so it seems like you're doing that already. I knew from the moment I started working on the story how it was going to end, so working backwards from that is a matter of arranging things to be in the places you want them. Having a complete outline also helps because that's what helped me create that "slow drip of discoveries and backstories" because I wanted to reveal things at a relatively steady pace. As for forgetting that your audience doesn't know things...idk I just try to focus super hard on what has/hasn't been revealed and where everybody's povs are. I think that just becomes a learned thing. I don't just know more than the audience, I know more than all the characters too, and I have to make sure they all operate on exactly what they currently know. I think rereading your already-done work as you go helps to refresh you on this.

Another hard thing about mysteries is like....trusting the audience to make connections. I think that I often overplay my hand and spell things out because I am inexperienced in knowing where to draw the line. For this AU, I didn't really intend it to have any big twist ending. I wanted the truth to be telegraphed as the audience uses their own logic to realize that Grian's POV is biased. And even though I haven't released chapter 11 and 12 yet, I....think I succeeded? Based on the difference in comments from chapter 1 to chapter 10, I think most of my readers are where I want them to be. But I didn't know that until I actually released the chapters. Anyway, I think the surprise is less about what the answer is and more about how it all goes down.

In terms of backstories, Firewatch AU has an almost parallel "before" section. There is never a "flashback" to before Mumbo disappeared. The first scene of the story is the ground zero and we never go before that. So the timeline of the story is always "contained" despite skipping around sometimes? Over the course of the fic I slowly introduce scenes that eventually lead us into exactly how Grian got here in the present-day plot. Pretty much all the "before" sections emphasize one way or another that Grian has been struggling.

I guess I can summarize my intentions with the chapters? There's a specific structure to them and their purpose (if I could help it.) Sometimes I feel like I have this story structured within an inch of its life, which is one reason that I have been able to post as I go without needing to make any retroactive changes to already done chapters.

Chapter one: establishes the central problem in the story, introduces the main characters to each other, and introduces Grian's goals. Honestly, I think this is a great first chapter since it introduces everything it needs to. It swaps time periods more than any other one but that is because I specifically modeled it to reflect the intro of the game Firewatch.

Chapter two: introduces fire as a major plot element, and serves as character development and relationship development between Scar and Grian. Also introduces more of Grian's grief, his thoughts about search and rescue, and specifically (vitally, to the plot) allows Scar see just a glimpse of what's happening with Grian that Grian isn't telling him.

Chapter three: mostly vital character development (especially for Scar) and relationship development; I've got to set them up as becoming friends before the big stuff kicks in. also, fire lookout knowledge!

Chapter four: first big clue (found by chance, not by Grian, which sort of emphasizes the idea of things being out of anyone's control that comes up in the narrative a lot.) Bigger spotlight on Grian's emotions (understatement of the year.) Scar gets officially looped into the Real Story. From this point on the plot progresses relatively regularly.

Chapter five: more character development, and another backstory hint about Scar. also, now that Scar is looped in, he gets to contribute information to the plot by bringing the newest clue (that builds off the information revealed in chapter four) (hey grian, it turns out when you communicate to people they can assist you)

Chapter six: this chapter is mostly a flashback section, which i wanted to avoid in chapters but IIRC it was simply too long to include with chapter five. This section with Pearl serves to emphasize a few different self-destructive tendencies Grian has (isolation, his living space, his financial situation, etc.) And finally, more information Scar gives him since he has contacts from working there so long. Also, from here on out Grian's conspiratorial thinking grows.

-> side note, one part of this story being a mystery that was difficult was that like. without internet research being available in the 80s, most "detective" actions would naturally involve talking to people, interviewing, looking at documents, etc. but since grian is Alone, in the middle of the Wilderness, he has none of that. it's, uh, difficult to introduce clues when the main character has little ability to find them. I had to sit down and be like, realistically HOW can he solve this without just wandering around in the woods endlessly? It's not a fun story if all he does is hike around the forest. In the game Firewatch, that sort of worked, but that's because you're controlling Henry. It doesn't translate well to reading. But with Grian entirely on his own, exploring the forest is the only "tool" he has. So Scar is a useful addition since he actually knows people to talk to that Grian doesn't and can move things forward by bringing more information to the table. But I have to proceed carefully to ensure he isn't just a deus ex machina for any hard parts of the plot. Scar talking to someone off-screen can't solve every problem in the story or else it's a bad story.

Chapter seven: some conflict/roadblocks introduced, because Scar cannot just endlessly poke around and find information without repercussions. also, the govt loooooves to make information available only to specific people. you can and will get slapped on the wrist if you consistently overstep the boundaries of your job. also, i need Grian to contribue his own piece to solving the mystery without Scar, so with his boots-on-the ground he finds the trail Mumbo took to get to from point A to point B. He gets a dangerous idea that will later escalate the plot closer to the climax, since we're officially in the second half of the story. There's a flashback that is purposefully the first part of the story so far to have someone outright state they think Mumbo is dead (and of course it's Jimmy.) Ends with more character development for Scar.

Chapter eight: WOOOO SCAR CHAPTER! but not before some egregiously obvious foreshadowing and a distinct reminder that this is a story about fire. i break from my deep character pov for the first time just to give the readers some scientific and historical background. we finally learn more about Scar, which should in theory retroactively piece together why he specifically wants to help Grian so much: because he sees his own experiences reflected in what Grian is living through now. also, since so much of this story is Grian isolating himself and pushing help away, it is vital for him to be shown someone else Does understand him

Chapter nine: beginning of the end pt 1 of 3. we re-center fire as a risk in the story again. grian commits a few crimes, because his main motivation this whole time has been information. and he simply can't get that information sitting in a tower by himself in the woods. he is desperate to find puzzle pieces to slot together so that everything makes sense. this is also the height of his conspiratorial thinking and there's a big disconnect between how he views other people, and their actual actions. I initially didn't want the story to "leave" its main setting, I wanted it to be a bottle. But that just didn't work in practice when plotting this out.

Chapter ten: beginning of the end pt 2 of 3, and we bring the flashback scenes full circle by including grian's decision to become a lookout in the same chapter we learns he gets fired. a somewhat anti-climactic reveal of there not being all that much conspirarcy to Mumbo's disappearance, in a way that hopefully is not disappointing since hopefully everyone reading realizes Why grian was convinced of this and Why he's wrong. woooo fire again! the return of the mystical bike location that was introduced early in the plot! grian finally being forced to reckon with things he's been avoiding thinking about all story! a fallout between our beloved main characters at the 11th hour!

Chapter eleven and twelve: ???? coming soon but you can guarantee they'll deal with the loose ends here since this story is standalone in its plot

So, idk if that type of analytical breakdown is useful to you. But you can kind of see how my plot was guided by the constraints on my narrative--a lot of my choices involved either needing different characters to help grian, or needing grian to go somewhere else. but i constantly wanted to make sure that it made sense for Scar to help Grian, that Scar never overstepped his place in the narrative by being "all-knowing", and that all of Grian's decisions are driven, even to the point of Problems, by his grief. Also, to kickstart the plot, I needed at least one major shake-up to happen (in this story, finding the bike) or else Grian probably would have been just as doomed as everyone else to look in the wrong places. Since it's more or less a cold case, a breakthrough needed to happen to move things forward. So I suppose what I needed was: first, to know the ending I needed to get to; second, to know where I was starting; and third, to provide at least one major clue to give the characters an opportunity to unravel the rest.

Also, this is less about mysteries and more about characterization, but when writing Grian I put Mumbo at the highest priority in all situations. This means he is willing to tank his financial situation, his jobs, his relationships with his friends, and even commit crimes for Mumbo. He consistently does not consider his own future when making decisions. He's reactive and more than willing to take things to the extreme, which I think makes him honestly more fun to write about. I think his Drive pushes the story even when there's just dialogue sitting in a fire tower. One thing I never wanted to do in this story was soften characters' emotions or actions into something "easier."

anyway, this is a story about trying to find logic in places where there is none, coping badly and learning to cope, accepting support from others, grief, and finding closure <333 thank you for your ask it was very sweet to be asked for advice and hopefully SOMETHING in this essay helps <333

#twirls hair hiiiiiiii #i can analyze like every bit of this au like an english assignment u have no clue #i think uhhhh half my enjoyment in writing is not just writing but engaging in analysis of things. it is Enrichment for me #there's so much to talk about with the theming in this story honestly. i do A LOT of things on purpose in this fic.#this story is not gonna join the ranks of the Literary Greats but it is my first shot at trying to do many things and i've enjoyed it a lot #from here on out any other story i write (that i take as seriously as this) will just continue to get better because i learned a lot here #hc_firewatch_au #quara asks

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between-thepages · 5 months

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20 Questions for Fic Writers

I was tagged by @gabetheunknown, thank you <3

how many works do you have on ao3?

Currently 88, I am determined to make it to 100 before the end of the year.

2. what's your total ao3 word count?

29,604

3. what fandoms do you write for?

The Witcher Books/Games, Silmarillion, Lord of the Rings and sometimes Endeavour/Inspector Morse when the fancy strikes.

4. what are your top 5 fics by kudos?

In the Morning (Glorestor)

Dance to the Firelight (Rorveth)

Eating Love (Rorveth)

Mirror Image (Rorveth)

Body and Soul (Yenralt)

5. do you respond to comments? why or why not?

I respond to them, I love comments, but I'm slow. Also, there are only so many variations of "Thank you" one can type in a day before it starts feeling ridiculous. I promise I'll get to your comments before Christmas!

6. what is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

my Iorveth/Cedric drabble from last spring. I had to cope with the Ending of Lady of the Lake.

7. what is the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Probably Beautiful like Starlight, but even that isn't really all that happy... I am writing a followup to it at the moment though.

8. do you get hate on any fics?

So far, only from a certain someone for shipping the wrong characters, but i usually have my comments restricted to logged-in users, so leaving Anon hate isn't really possible.

9. do you write smut? if so, what kind?

I will write everything once and then decide if I'll do it again xD Expect it to be at least somewhat kinky.

Also, it has to fit into a drabble or two, I can't really write long-form smut.

10.do you write crossovers? what's the craziest one you've written?

I haven't yet, I will write a Witcher/Silm crossover one day, just so I can get some of the ladies to meet

11. have you ever had a fic stolen?

I don't know, but I doubt my drabbles are interesting enough to steal.

12.have you ever had a fic translated?

Not officially, but I am trying to translate some of my fics myself. No idea when I'll be done there, though.

13. have you ever co-written a fic before?

14.what's your all time favorite ship?

As a multi-shipper, all time favourites are hard, because all i need are three compelling arguments and I start shipping another pairing xD

I guess Fingon/Maedhros is one of the pairings where I am least likely to read a fic if they are partnered with someone else.

15.what's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I'll burn with a light of my own, because I started it for a flashfic challenge right before my silm hyperfixation hit full force, so Witcher is a bit on the back burner at the moment. It also needs some serious plot outline to develop further, so the continuation really depends on my interest the next few months.

16.what are your writing strengths?

I have been told I am good at writing short stories, which is great because I love writing drabbles.

17.what are your writing weaknesses?

long plots, probably. I always struggle with reaching wordcounts and making my stories interesting.

18.thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

Depends on the language and usage. I love things like terms of endearment in another language (I made up a nickname for Isengrim to use for Iorevth, after all), but I do sometimes get annoyed with the random elvish words in Tolkien fics.

The best use of other languages is if it is used to confuse the POV character, but then it has to be somewhat consistent.

19.first fandom you wrote for?

Sunrise Avenue xD But I never published any of it. The first fanfic I published was for Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion.

20. favorite fic you've written?

She came in through the window because it got me into a new kind of rarepair hell <3

Tagging @she-who-drank-vodka-with-cats, @aretuzagradschooldropout and @gleamingsilence, I'm late to this so I really hope I haven't accidentally tagged someone who already did this <3

#tag game #my writing #fic recs

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frstcorinthians · 2 months

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fic writer ask !

thank youuu @almost-a-class-act !!

How many works do you have on AO3? just six! i haven't been posting for long

What's your total AO3 word count? roughly 48.6k

What are your top 5 fics by kudos? 1. graveyard shift - which still surprises me lmfao it's the oldest one i have so i guess it makes sense?? the people are clamoring for fun retail worker content 2. cowboy cassanova - i still dont think i spelled that correctly. alas. jake seresin nation rise up 3. rest your head one more time - and here comes rooster with the steel chair! 4. maybe everything that dies someday comes back - i Will get this to the number one spot its literally the best thing ive ever written and ive barely started 5. angels that have no place - coming in clutch, my most recent fic

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not? YESSS i love them i always reply they make my heart very full

What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending? i think the answer has to be the half-dozen ive left fully unfinished. nothing more depressing than that

What the fic you've written with the happiest ending? probably angels, given that it's the only one i actually finished. winning by default, it would seem

Do you write crossovers? i don't currently but there's still time. i'm not opposed to it!! i just havent gotten around to it yet

Have you ever received hate on a fic? nope! there's still time

Do you write smut? If so, what kind? i do lmfao i don't think its very good?? but its usually surrounded by at least a semblance of plot

Have you ever had a fic stolen? not yet. there'd better not be time for this one.

Have you ever had a fic translated? no, unfortunately!

Have you ever co-written a fic before? also no but....if anyone's out there......

What's your all-time favorite ship? OH MANNNN i don't even know

What's a WIP that you want to finish but don't think you ever will? rosary-strung, my weird nonsensical self-indulgent sandman fic. maybe once season 2 comes out i'll get sucked back into it? it needs some serious reshaping and revision to make it make sense at all, though

What are your writing strengths? i think i'm good at describing feelings! i think i tend to use weirdly specific metaphors and sensations when i describe them, so i think it sticks in the mind well.

What are your writing weaknesses? i'm bad at getting everything i'm thinking/picturing out onto the page, as in i'll make some jumps that make sense to me because i can see the whole picture in my head, but i forget to put them down onto paper, so the reader is like "what..just happened"

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic? i wouldn't dare, unless it's like a canonical thing a character does? like if its a term of endearment or something, that's a thing real people i know in real life do sometimes, so it wouldn't seem so out of place i think.

What was the first fandom you wrote for? wayyyy back when in elementary school i wrote REAMS of h*rr* p*tt*r fanfiction. in my defense i was in north carolina and ten.

What's a fandom/ship you haven't written for yet but want to? the pacific! i'm finally watching it now and there's a lot more to chew on and wrestle with, which is...maybe not a thing for fic to do; or maybe it's the thing only fic can do. we'll see. also mota because some ocs have wandered into my mind and won't leave. they also won't pay rent help

What's your favorite fic you've written? my nebraska fic, hands down. its my baby my everything my darling my firstborn. i love her and she loves me.

i will humbly tag @venus-haze @blood-mocha-latte @shoshiwrites and @latibvles !! if you've already been tagged my apologies it's late late late in north carolina

#aleks.txt #whew this one was a doozy and also a fun trip down memory lane #aleks.chat

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monkiebois · 1 year

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So I was looking on Notion to get an outline for "several" fanfics I want to write....but um...what's your preference for the template you use?

my favorites so far is the revision template. specifically the flower revision. but i did edit it a bit. ad bc ive been dying to talk about my notion page im gonna talk about how I've utilized this tool :D

i censored alot for spoilers :3

so first here i changed the top right bit. but i kept the rest the same. i have the project details. the plot and summary. and then extra details on the right. like tags and main themes

then i added the heart and on the left side i added a cast list of characters.

then in the little dropdown thingys i changed up what exactly i wanted to put in them. swithced em around to fit my personal writing style.

then i added more dropdowns for the multiple arcs of the fic. this is just where i drop in events (yeah its gonna be a long fic aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa)

then chapter outlines to organize the events by chapter

character arcs to make sure i keep track of each characters development

aaaaannndd some stuff ive already written

the art tag currently has nothing in it. the brainstorm dump is for when i have a bunch of random ideas and need to drop em somewhere for me to organize into the other tags later on. or dialogue ideas.

and thats how i use it

heres the one im using in this . i use this one for a woven song rn but im experimenting with another one and lfm

heres a nicer and better organized list of all their writing templates

#notion #fanfiction #a woven song

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bucktommys · 10 hours

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20 questions for fic writers!

am EXTREMELY late to the game but kisses to @usereddie @buckactuallys and @gayhoediaz for tagging me mwah!!!!

how many works do you have on ao3?

on hammersmiths, 24!! across my other 3 gazillion ao3 accounts i have done a quick tally and it’s 58 LMAOO tho i am sure i am missing some

what’s your total ao3 wordcount?

we’re just gonna stick to hammersmiths lest this get ridiculous for me sdgfhds but 237,307!!

what fandoms do you write for?

currently 911, but i have also written for percy jackson, ted lasso, stranger things, outer banks, glee, teen wolf, skam and the wilds. also again probably some more i am forgetting HAHA

top 5 fics by kudos:

everything’s coming up milhouse

in your darling i trust (lafd updates 1&2 slay!!)

you’re my whole house

your dreary mondays

if you say it with your hands (idk why this one surprises me?? i always forget about her HAHA)

do you respond to comments?

eeeek i do not dsgfhsdhfhfd but rest assured i feel extremely bad about it. i always intend to but sometimes i just get overwhelmed and don’t know how to express my gratitude in ways that arent “thank u so much!!!!!!” in my head i am greeting everyone who comments with a big sloppy wet kiss tho and i read every single one upwards of 8 million times

what’s the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

hmmmm i am admittedly a happy ending truther. i don’t think ive written any angsty ending fics

what’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

all of them!!!

do you get hate on fics?

i am very fortunate in that i don’t!! or if i do it is very very infrequently. Mostly it is just people kindly pointing out that they can tell im british (listen pls…..i will sacrifice so much including pavement and rubbish bin but u will have to prise my british spelling out of my cold dead hands.)

do you write smut?

LMFAOO definitely not where would i even begin. i have written 1 sex scene ever and it took me about 2 weeks

craziest crossover?

ive never written a crossover i don’t think. although back in the day i did write a pjo x house of anubis crossover now that was wild

have you ever had a fic stolen?

back in ye olde ff.net days i had a few fics that were generously copied but not in recent history!

have you ever had a fic translated?

i don’t believe so!

have you ever co-written a fic before?

yes yes i LOVE it

all time favorite ship?

omg how to choose. i mean buddie 5eva. like literally 5eva. having said that percabeth will always always always have such a special place in my heart as will evak

what’s a wip you want to finish but doubt that you will?

OOOO ok listen never say never and i do desperately want to finish it but the buddie actors au. eventually it will b finished. eventually.

what are your writing strength?

i think dialogue!! and my characterisation i think im ok at!

what’s your writing weakness?

PLOT HAHAHA. girl plot WHO

thoughts on dialogue in a different language?

i mean i love it.

first fandom you wrote for?

percy jackson baby!

favorite fic you have written?

OOOO hmmm. i love lafd updates. i also love the taylor book fic i wrote recently i think it kinda slayed. also extremely deep cut but i wrote an outer banks fic last year that i ended up modelling my dissertation on. im beyond beyond beyond proud of that one.

apologies if some of these are double tags/if u have already done it and i have missed it i have been a busy busy gal and not online much in the last week but tagging @bibuddie @bibibuck @littlespoonevan @clusterbuck @sibylsleaves @chronicowboy @buckttommy @letmetellyouaboutmyfeels MWAH !!!

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pocketofpencils · 18 days

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Questions for Writers

10000 years late! thank you @calunalilly for tagging me

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

a very modest 19 lol

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

163,620

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Last Tango in Halifax

Happy Valley

Collateral

1 Vigil fic lol

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

1: The Equation of Mass. : Caroline/Jane christmas fic. My first ever loooooooong one.

2: I Want You To See Me: Caroline/Gillian. Glasses are annoying, lets kiss about it.

3: Welcome Home: Vigil fic lol First ever thing I published on the internet.. Only 412 o words, thought people would hate it but I still get kudos and bookmarks on it 3 years later lol

4: Brunhilde and the Bastard in the Barn: Catherine/Jane Current WIP/Pain in the arse lol. Getting ready to wrap it up :')

5: Pain and the Passing of time: Caroline/Gillian. First LTIH fic, in first person *gag*. Makes me cringe, but also surprises me that I wrote that!

5. Do you respond to comments?

I try really hard to! My inbox overwhelms me sometimes haha! But I appreciate and read every comment I get! So thank you to the like 2 people who are probably reading this haha.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

It is yet to be written! But I do have a mildly angsty one in mind.. Not a not happy ending.. Just happyish lol

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Equation of Mass I guess. Most Fluffiest

8. Do you get hate on fics?

No! Thankfully. I only write there for fun. Any hate (that isn't warranted of course call me out if I fuck up) would probably make me stop posting haha.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Yes.. Im a much better smut reader than writer I can tell you that lmao.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

I mean at this point I think we have just accepted Jane into the Happy Valley landscape, so much so that its sometimes hard to remember she's plucked straight (or gay ;)) from another show. So I guess almost all of my works are crossovers haha

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

lol hands off my garbage

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Ive had to explain words to my American friends.. does that count?

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I just did my first colab with @calunalilly! I think were going for another..or 1000 <.< lol

14. What’s your all time favorite ship?

All the pairings I write for are my faves. i also love Mirandy :')

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Lmao well anything Ive started I always have doubts I will complete. I am (very very slowly) writing my first book...and I have doubts but I am working through them!

16. What are your writing strengths?

I dont really know.. I think jokes? Funny is most important!

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

lol Grammar, formatting, imposter syndrome, actually writing lol. All things that I am working on. I also need to plan better to stop writing plot holes lmao. remembering fic is just for fun!

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

Do what you want bro lol

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Published: Vigil.. I also wrote some unpublished Killing Eve and Doctor Who fics that will never see the light of day as I wrote them by hand (lol) and lost the notebook I wrote them in. So I hope who ever found that notebook enjoyed them lmaoooo

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

ahhhhhh I dont know. I think Year of the Dog was the first one I wrote and was like: "Ok I can do this writing thing".

Everyone I would tag, has already done it so... :)

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blackkatmagic · 2 years

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I think I've read about 8 of your longer fics (20k+) in the past 4 days after having some of both your star wars and naruto fics in my marked for later for probably about 3ish years now and I'm kicking myself wishing I had done it sooner because your writing style has an ironclad grip on my soul... plots like a direct iv line of crack into my veins... Normally I'd comment my thoughts on your fics directly, but I just have so many things going through my mind completely unrelated to your fics that it felt weird to try and fit them into a comment.

The clone wars has had a chokehold on me practically since the first episode was released, mostly because, despite the victories they achieve throughout the series, we know the inevitable conclusion, we know what's gonna happen, and watching it is like a slow motion train crash I can't look away from. I am TRANSFIXED by it, by the heartbreak it puts me through to think about fate and no matter how much the characters struggle, their stories are tragedies through and through. God it hurts so much (which is probably why I obsessively read fix-it fics lmao). You're honestly the kind of author I aspire to be with so many intricate plots and ideas, frequent updates and oneshots, incredible use of language to the point I am either on the edge of my seat in anticipation or bouncing off the walls in despair or glee depending on the situation. You're so talented, it just makes me happy to be able to read something you've written. (Also you're the reason I actually know who Jon Antilles is and I am very grateful for the exposure to a new blorbo lmao)

I mostly just want to ask if there's a fic (or fics) you've written that you wish had gotten more attention, you're especially proud of, or just holds a special place in your heart because I want to read those (or reread them with care if I've already consumed them in my weekend binge). I think you're just neat-o, a swell little lad (gender neutral), and a complete badass all in one and it makes me want to appreciate your favorite parts of your past works❤️

This whole message makes me just. incoherent. Thank you so much??? Words cannot express my delight in your enjoyment, and I fully agree about the tragedy of TCW. It captures my personal imagination in a way a lot of media doesn't, and the tragedy and potential to avert that tragedy makes me a little manic sometimes.

As far as fics....most of my fics get a fair amount of attention, but currently the one that's eating my brain is what if a dawn of a doom of a dream, because I love character growth and that fic is going to be concentrated character growth. The other one that I particularly love because prose is like a wolf at a live heart, which is honestly one of my favorite things I've ever written.

#kat answers

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jackwolfes · 1 year

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if you still wanna talk about all your other wips i’m interested!!😌

oh love i always want to talk about my WIPs 😅

to be perfectly honest i've got writer's block BAD at the minute so i'm sort of not working on much of anything atm! january 2022 i took a big month-long break from posting and am probably going to do the same again this year (save for AM AU because that's already finalised)

the ones i've been particularly focused on lately are:

a very big very dark febuwhump fic that ties together all the prompts into a big long horrible narrative (which will be posted anon to a) avoid spamming folks with daily updates and b) to avoid getting fucking murdered in case people can't read tags)

comparatively a much nicer "there was only one bed" fic set in the immediate post-canon because shockingly, i have never written a take on the "i charge a steep fee/i'd like to make a downpayment" scene

the full list of them (+ some commentary) as they currently stand is under the cut if you're curious though:

soc:

a mystery valentines day fic for my GF which is a fudge shop au

dead jesper fic, which is fully written and just needs to be edited

wylan gets amnesia au, again fully written, just needs editing

the ever persistent sugar baby au which is ticking along

mini edits to arranged marriage au, plus a fair few pre- mid- and post-fic scenes (incl

kuwesper friends with benefits fic

kylan fucking in a private theatre box

the kylan/kawesper royalty au

the wynejesper fic aka wylan's sexuality exploration time

horny rockstar au

a very soft inesper first time fic that i've been playing around with

a few character studies about houses and homes

wedding florist wylan, most of which is him being stupid

a soft fluff fic where wylan gets high and makes a mess of himself

the cowritten "jesper can't read?" fic

a christmassy fic i'm cowriting with a friend wherein jesper gets catfished

the kazper fake married/"jesper gets left at the altar" fic

a wee lil nonbinary wylan fic/study that i think would really fit a big bang if the soc bb runs again this year 👀

a kazpernej pining fic that i'm in the plotting stages for because again, writer's block

similarly i've been thinking about my summery seaside au that i want to write but don't want to start when i have so many other long AUs i haven't touched

supermodel au which, annoyingly, i'm not sure works anymore as i've set it up

cowboy au, el dorado au, summertime cabin au and domx for hire wylan, all of which i'll definitely one day return to

trc:

the year of the otp challenge which i'm going to TRY and do for pynch, although i might need to backdate the first one because writer's block

what may end up being a full length bridgerton au but is currently just titled "bees?"

the jordeclan kink fic

the adam parrish kink character study

once for a tumblr ask i wrote a short snippet for a resurrection roadtrip au that i'm holding onto to see if i might want to carry on with it, but unsure

check please:

i'm still very very very very very fond of my zimbits superhero au so that's perpetually sticking around

i also really want to write a "bitty definitely has adhd" fic that ive outlined but not done much on

i'm also very nerve wrackingly looking at writing an original work!! which is scary and big! but i'm excited about it!

#asks #anon #ive got it in my head that taking a break from writing will mean i'll never come back to it which is (SHOCKINGLY) making it worse #so im just chilling and trying to read more books and idk ill see what happens

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chasingfictions · 2 years

Note

1, 10, and 23 for the writing ask thingy :)

Tell us about your current project(s) – what’s it about, how’s progress, what do you love most about it?

hmm okay well the thing im currently actively working on (though actively is a really strong word because my job has been Insane lately) is a novel (non-fic) n she is a tiny little baby mollusk just screeching into the world so i dont wanna talk abt her (also working on a non-fic short story i dont wanna talk abt for the same reason n also privacy). but in terms of fic that i currently have open in tabs!!!!

ats season 4 for my faith series - the progress of this is pretty minimal bc im holding off on starting work on it until i make more headway on my novel outline, bc writing these faith fics inevitably takes over my life . but! mostly right now my notes are full of like, rambly ideas about how to Fix the Jasmine of It All because i want Jasmine to be a character but, by keeping connor a baby, and my determination to keep cordy herself, i need to change How she comes about . but ok the thing i love most about getting to rewrite this part is that to me ats s4 is where it All Goes Wrong. like, it's the character assassination of cordelia chase, and the show really hitting a misogyny peak which is impressive when u consider how misogynistic it already was . to me the ats s3 finale has so much promise which s4 inevitably makes mean essentially Nothing -- mostly in terms of the show's treatment of cordy. so im basically really hyped to write an s4 that is very much About cordy - about cangel! about angel working through (read: getting bullied by the entire fang gang about until he does something about) some of his misogyny, to become the kind of person who could be in an actual long-term relationship w cordy. this s4 rewrite said Angel's Madonna Whore Complex is On The Chopping Block . also im just really hyped to write jasmine. like, writing mind-altered states to me is very fun-- i love writing dream sequences and ritual sequences and intense emotions . so writing faith under jasmine's thrall ??? im hyped. also maybe half the reason this series exists is to occasion a faith/gwen fling sooooooooo.

i also have open a russian doll fluff fic - basically nadia and alan do a marathon watch of all the timefucky episodes of btvs . i simply love to Make Characters Watch TV . i LOVE writing their dialogue i love them so much. i love getting to rant about btvs filtered via the voice of nadia . the progress of this is decent !! i have like a quarter written and the rest roughly outlined

also have a VERY sparsely outlined succession fic about shiv being a lesbian . essentially a 5+1 (5 times shiv lost to her comphet and 1 time she didn't teeheeeee) . what im excited about here is simply that shiv roy is a lesbian and the world has to know. and also ive never written a 5+1 but i think the concept is just so fun.

ALSO i have another lottie lee yellowjackets fic in drafts . this is very new, mostly just popping the vague vibe of it and a few dialogue ideas into a document . but basically it's based on the new florence song 'casssandra' and it's going to be like, half taking place before laura lee's death and half after. what im hyped about this one is that lottie's precognizance makes me INSANE it makes me INSANE INSANE INSANE and i really wanna dig into just a very heavy heady fucked up littel tone here . also i just . i love lottie lee but i cant even think abt them and im excited to Think About Them In A Structured (lmao) Place bc hopefully that will make the process more tenable!!!!!!

10. How would you describe your writing process?

i've often described it as "building the ship as i sail it" . i love to outline, it's the way that i can write the quickest and with the most energy -- i like basically having little story headings for plot beats, and writing each segment, bc then i can have in my head exactly what im building towards, and can keep a sense of pacing in my head bc i know what else the story is going to contain . but also this allows me to write things out of order , while still having a general sense of the shape of the overall story, bc otherwise things can get really topsy turvy in my head.

but also im a big outliner-as-i-write. like often i will start out with a few story headings that are very sparse, and as i get the idea for one, ill get a sense of how to flesh out another, and im gradually filling in the whole picture, which each part interconnecting to and allowing me to fill in other parts.

like, i guess i write in the same way i solve crossword puzzles.

23. What’s the story idea you’ve had in your head for the longest?

ooh okay -- gonna keep it to fic bc again my original writing is my Sensitive Little Boy (and also i aim 2 have more of that published n and dont want to connect my tiny internet corner to my public writing, in the interest of current n future privacy). but!!!! the two fics ive had in my head the longest i think are both from my spike fluff series:

a spuffy happily ever after wedding fic . exactly what it sounds like on the tin . spuffy getting married - their engagement and wedding and them establishing their life together . also an Everyone-Lives fic, literally partly bc i just want it to be the fluffiest lightest thing possible, and partly bc (as ive demonstrated lol) i simply love writing a Big Chaotic Wedding Where Everyone Is In the Room and Interacting . so like, jenny is alive and wesley and and cordelia and anya and tara and fred and everybody and probably even also joyce-- not kendra just bc i cant undo her death without changing too much of the timeline? but i am Trying to find a way to work her in like, idk maybe ghost kendra is at the wedding idk guys. anyway i love this fic so much i have so much of it drafted and just havent had time 2 devote to it yet . but married spuffy is so real to me theyre SO real to ME!!!!!

a spike and harmony do laundry together fic okay hear me out. early s5 . spike finds out harmony has never done laundry . her parents always did it for her and then her minions and after that she legit panicked bc it felt too late to learn and either paid for a cleaners' to do her laundry or just kept stealing new clothes when her old ones were dirty. but then the cleaners refuses to do her laundry anymore bc she killed too many of them . spike finds this out . he's like. you cant do LAUNDRY? harmony is like what like you CAN? he's like yeah i learned last year at xander's (he's very proud). spike and harmony descend on the 24 hour laundromat . it becomes clear that spike is Very Bad At Laundry Still but Moderately Better Than Harmony . they may or may not break several washing machines from bashing them in a fit of rage. gradually harmony becomes the queen of the late night laundromat demon social scene . this fic means so much to me i could cry. also ive never written spike/harmony before and simply put i think they are so FUN . they are SO FUN.

#this was FUN #ask

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horizon-forbidden-sheesh · 4 months

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Writing Process: Google > Scrivener

When I began writing, I already had plenty of material to work from! For more details on this, read the Preamble. 💋

⚙️ When I began work on the fic, I was working in Scrivener, adapting first-person journal entries I'd drafted in my phone's Notes app. I wanted the full fic to be third-person in order to develop the background motivations for multiple characters. Scrivener gave me plenty of space to hold all the journal entries, timeline notes, and dialogue scraps I didn't know what to do with yet.

I originally planned for 10 Chapters, at ~10k words each. My initial outline looked like this:

I The Bulwark II The Kulrut III Returning IV Rest V What Was Lost VI Waiting VII The Scorcher (👈🏻 After 26 chapters and 90k words, we are currently here.) VIII Rebellion IX Endgame X Finale, or Returning, Reprise

However, I was quickly burning out due to the length of each chapter, and after asking around in Discord, I had a sinking feeling readers would be overwhelmed.

What I Did Instead:

At a certain point in April, after about ~6 months of on-again off-again drafting, I got fed up, a little drunk, and chopped up my enormous existing chapters into smaller chapters: five, to be exact. That night I posted the first one, ironically called 'The Last One.'

While I have been very selective about chapter titles, at the time, I didn't have a title for the whole shebang. But I was wine-drunk and flippant, and said "Oh just fuggin pick something u bish." So I called it 'The Marshal,' because it was just vague enough, y'know?

(I absolutely would have called it 'What I Choose,' if it didn't already exist.)

I told myself I'd post weekly. Just the first 10, ending in that bittersweet conversation Aloy has with Varl about Rost. It gave me 5 weeks to figure out how to write 5 more chapters. And I was off to a great start with 6 & 7 drafted in advance.

But then I got this comment on Chapter 6: "Looking forward to the Kulrut Hopefully we get some more of our power duo fighting together 😁"

I was... absolutely planning on skipping directly to the dialogue scene after the battle. And based on what I'd already plotted, I would need to squeeze in an extra chapter to get'er done, pushing out my 10 chapter outline. But I REALLY didn't want to disappoint anyone, especially if they were LOOKING FORWARD TO IT?!? 🥹

I was also traveling at this time, away from my computer and my stupid, bulky Scrivener file. So I whipped open a Google Doc and started firing on all cylinders to write a new Chapter 8 complete with Kulrut battle scene. And lo, I discovered:

⚙️ Writing in Google Docs gave me SO MUCH MORE FREEDOM. I could access my drafts from my desktop, my tablet, and my phone. These days, I write mostly in bed on my tablet, which is a FAR cry from the early days staying up till 2am at my desk.

It was extra comfy, because Google Docs is where I do all my client work. As I've mentioned: IRL, I'm a copywriter/project manager for print & digital design work. Mostly, I build websites, but as a freelancer, I work on a wide range of projects and the tools I use need to be flexible & accessible to a wide range of audiences.

The Google Suite is perfect for that, and I have a simple filing system for all my projects to keep things nice and neat. My writing work fit perfectly into that system, and the same flexibility & accessibility really supported my writing process.

Here's what my file folder looks like these days:

Which frankly, is a lot easier to navigate than this dumb Scrivener sidebar:

I finished chapters 8, 9, & 10 in Google Docs. I'm still really proud of myself for taking the leap and posting. Sharing your work is scary! Or at least, it was for me.

I'd never written ANYTHING on this scale before, and it felt like a huge accomplishment. I'll be honest, impulsively posting that first chapter with a short runway and a clear end-goal made it a LOT easier to be accountable. I would recommend this strategy to ANYONE!

Tips & Takeaways:

🖤 Consistency is key, but I've found it comes at a price. Trying to post once a week in perpetuity will slowly bleed you out. Wait to post until you have at least half your content under your belt, and set a clear end date—if only for your own sanity.

🖤 Be flexible in your outline!! In both Part 1 and Part 2 I ended up with an extra chapter that pushed my intended finale into the next season. I'm still glad I had an outline, but I'm grateful I left room for it to change. (This is something I would have had a LOT of trouble with 5 years ago! Personal growth FTW!)

🖤 When you start to feel like writing is just biting concrete, find the most fun way out. Is it writing the most exciting scene you can think of? Or is it looking at what you already have and finding a new way forward within your existing structure?

🖤 You're gonna be stuck with your title for the long haul, so make sure you like it. Or at least that it's something you can tolerate.

🖤 Do what feels natural. Everyone is different. If you're like 'okay yeah, but I really like writing by hand and then editing as I transcribe it' do that. Go bananas. Have a ball! Find your own way up the mountain. These tools may work for you, or they may send you into the pit of despair. And you should always avoid the pit of despair.

🖤 Write sober, edit drunk.

xo, Sheesh

#hfw #horizon forbidden west #kotaloy #The Marshal #the making of #writing process #writing tools #writing advice

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raven · 1 year

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this is only somewhat related i guess but i had a similar revelation about writing something original a while ago. i wrote some fanfiction online and i got really attached to the story, and at some point i realized the plot is far removed enough from the og source material that i could literally just change character names and make small tweaks and it could be just a regular book. currently working on editing/getting it published atm and it’s going well so!! :]

(also, while i agree that fanfic is not inherently made for serious critique/meaning and it shouldn’t be treated as such, i view writing fic almost the same as regular writing, just in a different context and working off another piece of media, and i’ve read a lot of fics that at leasts i consider to be genuinely good and well crafted. some of the most talented writers i know personally started out writing fanfic or *still* write it, so i don’t know if treating the entire concept of fanfic like it can’t be art at all is fair. but of course that’s just personal opinion!! i don’t think it matters much lmao but i just respectfully disagree w that part)

I hope that goes well! i know a lot of people dont like it when fanfics get published and i agree on most levels but ive read at least one (as a kid, so maybe im just remembering it as better than it was, but whatevr) where i was like the only thing about this that is somewhat similar to the source material is the character dynamics and obviously the names, like what are you doing just make it completely your own.. ok heres the thing. published r*ylo (or any star wars fanfic lol) is like garbage and trash and already overdone. but i would read, like, a published sasunaru fanfic. havent even seen/read naruto but i would read it. its just the literal nerve of publishing straight fanfiction. (the finnpoe one that people made fun of a few months ago also looked bad but everything star wars is kind of straight to me, and also bad) sorry if what you're writing is straight and especially if it's star wars but if it is do keep these words in mind.

anyways. i think it can be a useful tool in practicing writing (although there are some bad habits that are very prevalent in fanfiction) Also btw sorry the edible just hit so this migjt be less coherent. And ive read some that i enjoyed, some that were well written, etc, but its just. theres something to me that is just kind of . Self centered? and i say this as someone who has read fanfic recently like the vibes i get from the authors and myself as a reader. it's just like... Things You Like. its Stuff You Enjoy. its kind of like . its so self indulgent. (even if its like well it can be used to explore mature themes etc etc Listen on some level You Like It and its not because of its social commentary! or whatever.) Maybe i spoke too quickly on saying its "not art" but i. Well. Hm. i cannot vocalize this right now im sorry. Anyways. if u want to continue this conversation do not be afraid to dm me, these posts are just getting long and probably annoying and the edible did hit right in the middle so i didnt give it all of my best work. im like super high right now sorry bye

#long post

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between-thepages · 13 days

Text

20 Questions for writers

I was tagged by @fishing4stars, thank you so much <3

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

Currently 124

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

42,394 words (which would be a little under 342 words per fic)

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Right now mainly Silmarillion and Lord of the Rings, but I have written for The Witcher in the past, as well as some one-off drabbles and ficlets for smaller fandoms (I thought about Lewis today, maybe I'll add that to the list at some point)

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Eating Love (Iorveth/Roche)

Plough the Lilies (Iorveth/Roche, nsfw)

In the Morning (Erestor/Glorfindel)

Dance to the Firelight (Iorveth/Roche, nsfw)

Mirror Image (Iorveth/Roche, nsfw)

5. Do you respond to comments?

Yes, always! It takes me anywhere between a few hours to a few weeks though.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Nothing beside remains, Iorveth/Isenrim, part of my Scoia'tael modern AU. I'm sorry I broke Iorveth's heart

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

If you could read my mind, Anaire/Nerdanel in post YT Valinor

8. Do you get hate on fics?

So far only from the one person known to stir up trouble in one of my fandoms

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Yes! Everything I can see the appeal of is what I am open to writing

10. Do you write crossovers?

I haven't yet, but I am not opposed to doing so in the future

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

None that I know of

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

I am trying to translate some myself (I haven't gotten very far yet)

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

14. What’s your all time favorite ship?

Last time I said Russingon, but upon further thought the only correct answer can be Erestor/Glorfindel. I found evidence that I started shipping them over seven years ago, which might actually make them one of my first gay ships

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

There is a Hallmark movie-inspired Anaire/Nerdanel fic that I started last year (It's at a few hundred words right now) and while I still want to write all the Anaire/Nerdanel I can, I am not sure that one will ever see the light of day.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I can be short and to the point, which is one of the reasons I love drabbles.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

plot, the longer the worse I am. This and my inability to write a single word more than necessary is why I don't really write longfics.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I am so, so torn on this, considering I am among the people who dislike the overuse of elvish in fics. But I also just started a WIP that will require me to put dialogue in Sindarin, just for the desired effect of the reader understanding about as much as the main character. So I guess I am fine with it as long as there isn't a constant mix and match between English and foreign words, but rather whole sentences in one or the other)

19. First fandom you wrote for?

The first published was Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion, I am not revealing any before that xD

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

Grace, more Anaire/Nerdanel (also only 150 words), but I love how it turned out

(If I ever write longer stories from some of my drabbles, this one sits at the top of the list.)

Tagging whoever wants to do this, I am eight days late and really not on top of who already participated.

#tag game #fanfic #silm fic #witcher fic

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actualbird · 2 years

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first let it be said that i am a giant advocate for polycules. everyone in the nxx should be holding hands.

with that out of the way. HELP I CANT STOP THINKING ABOUT VYN/LUKE. it is now crucial for my mental health to pick up this dynamic put it in my mouth like a dog toy and bite with the ferocity necessary to break the little noisemaker. i came for luke but vyn came for ME and now i will never be free.

i don't just need them to hold hands. i need them to play mind games with each other your honor. i need both of them to be hyperaware of what nonsense is going on, analyze it and hide it behind knowing smiles. i need them to then discuss said findings and come at it from two different angles, i need to see the battle of academics and firsthand experience firsthand. i need them to have deep academic discussions about their medical fields. i need vyn to call luke out and have luke bite back with unexpected ferocity and accuracy. i want them to get into such weird niche conversations the other members can no longer follow. i want them to try and figure out what is UP with the other parties secrecy. i want vyn to say some peak horse girl shit and have lukes only point of reference to relate to the man be a mark from 2 years ago that went south. he had to tail the farrier and he now knows way too much about horse anatomy. i need luke to drink instant coffee in front of the man who got a 20 year old pu'erh cake from yunnan for the evening who is currently looking on in barely concealed horrified fascination.

tl;dr: bark bark bark

-💚

heyyo, greenheart! and also this anon who sent this ask MONTHS AGO but finally my vibes are Aligned To Talk About Vyn/Luke

GREENHEART R U PSYCHIC? AND/OR FOLLOW ME ALSO ON MY PRIV TWT? cuz just yesterday on my priv twt i briefly went mildly insane about vyn/luke and YEAH EXACTLY THEIR DYNAMIC IS SO INTERESTING TO ME

at first glance, vyn and luke seem like characters who are LEAGUES APART. but in my prev analysis, "the nxx boys and bad things", i realized a commonality when i made the diagram in there

vyn and luke are both on the active end of the spectrum, in terms of their behavior and tendencies towards their respective "bad thing" but i wont into that again cuz i already explain what i mean in the analysis itself

what i do wanna delve into is how this active-ness makes vyn and luke's dynamic so interesting. like, vyn likes being in control and uses his expertise of it with no holds barred. luke has a very clear "i'll do it myself" mindset in so many situations. in moments that matter for one reason or another, they dont idle, they act.

it's almost as if theyre both on the "offensive", so to speak

to make this clearer, i'll bring up the only thing ive written thus far that focuses on vyn and luke's dynamic (not ship but still i feel strongly about this): chapter 5 of "filler episodes of the lost gold"

as context for u, greenheart, this fic is all little inbetween scenes of the plot heavy event Mystery Of The Lost Gold that happened back in september. i very VERYYYYY MUCH RECCOMMEND u watch recordings of this event because up to this day, it's my fave tot event of all time

but yeah, in this chapter, vyn and luke hang out and it's vyn pov and i wanted to put vyn at a disadvantage but i know hes also such a perceptive and analytical person. and ive always had this feeling that of all the boys, vyn would be most cautious about luke. afterall, luke is new on the team. vyn hasnt known him as long as marius or artem. additionally, luke comes from a background of espionage. all this makes vyn wary about luke, makes vyn want to "figure luke out"

but heres the thing about luke: very often we fixate on his tank/combat abilities that we forget hes an investigator

luke, adept at solving puzzles, can easily perceive vyn just as vyn perceives him. i would even go as far to say that luke, sometimes, has the upper hand. cuz i think vyn approaches the unknown with this mindset of "what are the weakpoints?" so that he can leverage himself to a place of control

luke does that too but also hes an engineer and inventor. hes not looking just at weakpoints. to metaphorize, he looks at things in terms of taking it apart and seeing what each piece means.

all that is why that chapter ended up like that.

and all that to say the like, vyn and luke's dynamic (be it romantic ship or platonic interactions) is so so sOOOO FASCINATING TO ME BECAUSE THEYRE BOTH ACTIVE, theyre both PERCEPTIVE, but due to personality and background, that active perception is different enough to keep the other on their toes

vyn would call luke out on all his unhealthy and over excessive self destruction. luke would call vyn out acting as if the whole world will regard him only with cruelty. vyn and luke r deffo two characters that, once they come head to head, would push each other to confront things the other probably wouldve wished to leave alone.

dumb overthinking meta aside, their vibes are just so HILARIOUSLY DIFFERENT AND IT IS DELIGHTFUL TO ME

vyn: luke, what are you drinking?

luke: oh this? homemade energy drink! i call it "Raise The Roof!" haha

vyn: and what is it made of?

luke: uh. monster energy, red bull, and kool aid?

vyn, at a loss: no

alternately

luke: aw man, i passed out on my bed a few nights ago after a mission and got bloodstains all over my sheets and they wont wash out >:/

vyn: oh?

the next day, a delivery comes to luke's doorstep and it's SINFULLY HIGH THREADCOUNT SILKY SOFT SHEETS FROM SOME EUROPEAN COUNTRY

#greenheart!anon #asks #luke pearce #vyn richter #i was goin insane over vynluke on twt yesterday cuz of spicy vynluke arts i saw hAHKKJDBFKJDSF

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berryblissbby · 3 years

Text

Fiercest; devoted;

Pairing: Princess!reader x Guard/Warrior! Hajime Iwaizumi

Word Count: 9,500

Warnings: Use of blades and knives

A/N: Sooo this is the longest thing I've ever posted on tumblr and one of the longest fics I've ever written. Ive only even written a handful of things to completion before so please be kind (⩾﹏⩽). I'm currently reading TOG and this story was born from me trying to process HOF so if you see some parallels just look away! This is fanfic we borrow, not steal. And finally I must say, must I write a plot? Can’t they just learn to tenderly love each other in the end?

AND! AND! Here's the pinterest board i made for this fic, i'm so sorry that all the references are white people omg, pinterest has shit diversity.

Summary:

The moonlight won’t let you forget, the sunlight brightens the truth.

You are his princess, and he is your warrior. Raised together Hajime is your greatest source of comfort when he suddenly pulls away, igniting your temper and flaring animosity towards each other. Either under the light of the moon, or the rays of the sun, you’ll fight it out, just like always.

You were the princess of an empire. Heir of the kingdom that was the pinnacle of learning, healing and safety for anyone who wished to stay there. Books, music, and art were all treasured, and culture was allowed to thrive and breathe. Your court was beloved, held strong by devotion and loyalty, “the strongest court in the world” the people said. You were loved as well, by your parents and their people. Adored, you were their future.

Hajime was a lesser by his kingdom's terms. In a kingdom of magic wielders, he was unwanted nobility. So he was sent to you, to your kingdom, where compared to your human court, with a little magical blood in him, he would be strong. He was to be your guard, to keep you safe, and when you were ready to rule your bond would be unbreakable.

You were nine and he was thirteen . Delightfully shy- to adults- you lacked true friends. Hiding behind your mother, father or nursemaid, you could be found with your nose in a book. Even at celebrations it was the same, unless you convinced your mother or father to dance with you, much to everyone’s joy.

But then you had Hajime, and even though you were scared, with red rung hands and shifting eyes, he danced with you. Uncoordinated and silly, gentle smiles turning to grins and grins to giggles, you landed on the floor in a heap of laughter. Everyone could tell- when you were with him your timidness melts, and is met with ferocious quips and laughter full of love- that you would grow to be a shining queen. You didn’t worry, your child princess self, because when you were sat on your heaviest burden, your own little throne, he would be behind you. With his chest puffed up, his daggers sharpened and shining. Already your fiercest warrior and most devoted protector.

You grew together, his dark eyes were always watching you, blanketing you in warmth. When you learned how to fight and hold a dagger correctly he practiced with you, until your coordination and form were perfect. When you were strong enough for a sword he was right there as well, much to the captain of the guards dismay. You practiced together, but he never let you win. It was infuriating, his determined expression and unrelenting jabs. But “it’s for your own good” and you knew you'd best him one day.

He snuck into your room, when your chambers were too big, and the darknesses fingers too long. He stayed in the chair in the corner, and listened to you talk until your words slurred and you fell asleep. Your maids usually find him still there, curled up, in the morning.

He was right beside you when you learned how to ride a horse by yourself at ten years old, with shaky hands and gasping breaths. And when you fell off- the one and only time- he picked you right off the ground, dusted off your dress, and growled at the stable master.

He wiped the tears off your face as fast as they fell. Your little hands gripping the front of his shirt begging him not to leave.

Hajime pulled you to his chest, shushing you again. It was awkward, just two little kids clinging to each other, one barely old enough to comfort the other. But you needed him nonetheless.

He was right there the day you got it, hanging off the rails of the round pin, pumping his fist in triumph as you and your horse trotted in circles.

Looking over, a grin breaking across your face, you met his own grin. It sent shivers down your spine, blooming in your tummy. You could see it, with that feral grin on his face, you understood what type of man he would be. He truly was a warrior.

He stood behind you when you first attended state meetings with your father, against the wall with the other guards. You had been terrified. You hadn’t known, really, what they were talking about, and you had been scared that they would ask you questions you wouldn’t know the answer to. But Hajime was there, and that made your words a little more steady.

He was eighteen and you fourteen, budding into adolescence, and it seemed to be everyone’s business. He was turning into a man and you couldn’t help but notice, not that you would ever speak of it.

He was leading you horse, walking you around the gardens. He liked to pick and choose when you should be treated as a princess. With swords in your hands he tended to ignore it, but at times like these, you were an heiress and he was an indentured servant.

“I don’t understand”

“It’s a tragedy, it's supposed to make you sad!” You say. “It’s about the ‘what if’s’ and the yearning, you have to focus on the yearning.” You giggle at your words, as you drag out your syllables.

You were telling him about your latest book, and how it had left you heart broken for the two lovers. With bad timing, and greedy people stealing their chances at love, they could never be together.

You always told Hajime about your books, you couldn’t help talking about the ones that you couldn’t get out of your head. He was an amazing listener, and you appreciated him dearly for it. Even though his face would remain blank and his eyes would shift all around you, looking for threats, he would always pay attention.

He scoffed. “ Well, what if I don’t care about yearning, what if they’re just stupid? The answer was right in front of them.”

“That’s not the point Hajime,” you pout.

He scowls up at you, stopping your horse.

“What?” You can’t help but laugh at both of your dramatics.

“Just don’t let me catch you doing anything dumb like that,” he doesn’t let you answer, starting your horse walking again. ¨Idiots.¨

¨Hajime!¨

You appreciate him, in every sense, always protecting you, in body and soul.

He was twenty and you sixteen. Your temper was epic, it shook the stone walls and snapped as easily as the ribbons on your dresses. But your heart was just as easily broken. You were a slave to your emotions and you could feel it, festering in you. You would never let it show to the court, but your family knew, and so did Hajime. There was little left of the girl who used to hide behind skirts.

You didn´t know if it was a gradual process, or if you woke up to it one day, but suddenly you couldn´t stop watching him. You couldn´t stop admiring him. He was so big, and strong, and he made you laugh so hard. His hands were soft, and large. He was smart, catching things you hadn’t in meetings, and his voice would send shivers down your spine when he whispered in your ear, telling you things about the people you were surrounded by. Things that he had learned to keep you safe; precautions. You couldn't stop your cheeks from heating up anymore, they were perpetually flushed, and it was impossible to hold his gaze. Things that wouldn't have mattered before made you stutter. But what set you off, was when you would look up to him, when you expected to meet those cool eyes, they would be somewhere else.

Before, when you had been upset, you would drag Hajime to the training rooms and throw him a sword. He would let you get a few hits in, before winning, of course. But only after you got everything you needed out. He was the cool water to your raging disposition. He had a sternness to him now, even though his fiery character could rival yours sometimes, he knew when to hold back. And when he did, his easy answers and cool voice were equally frustrating as they were calming. You shared more together while in those practice rooms swinging swords than anywhere else. But now you had lost the thing that had made it better.

Now you only saw him when mandatory, behind your throne and next to you at meals. He seemed to be more interested in the guards and other warriors than you, so you ate in silence and read alone at night. You eventually requested a new guard, and your parents said no. You two were friends, and he was sent here for you, that would not be changing overnight. But he didn't feel like your Hajime anymore, your friend or defender. Because he wasn't paying attention to you anymore, not like he was supposed to. Or how you wanted him too.

It made you burn when you looked up and he wasn't looking at you. The embers in your chest that would flare when you didn't get your way, when someone disagreed with you, when Hajime said something brash, were a roaring fire. You didn't understand why things had changed, where it had come from.

You saw it, when his eyes met the older courtiers- well, older compared to you. You saw the eyes of the women on him, how they trailed over his broad back and strong arms. You knew that the lady’s had started taking their walks through the section of the palace they had previously thought of as unpalatable. They would bat their eyelashes and fan their fans in front of them as they walked past the training rooms, hoping to catch Hajime in only a thin damp shirt. It was infuriating.

You took to ignoring him, long lonely months. It was intense, the war between you both, silently throwing glances at each other, both sets of eyes holding promises of worse words to come. He was a weight behind you at all times, dragging your heart deeper into a pit of solitary despair. He left you whenever he could afford, never letting your parents or the other guards see. You were kept safe, but it wasn’t comforting like before. The walks to your rooms after dinner were the worst, the internal battle inside you was tearing you to shreds. Should you talk to him? Confront him? Bear a dagger and rough it out? But he would leave you by your door and walk away before you could decide anything at all.

You had burned too bright, the fire in you now gone. The fury that had kept you warm was nothing but a cold pit in your chest.

You were all alone, every day that knowledge split you open like a cold blade. You were determined to stay away from him, to not bother him, since he obviously didn’t want anything to do with you. But one day, it all became too much.

You had attended a dinner tonight, with a distant royal family. And they had said things to you that they had no right to say. They had spoken as if they had known you. They knew things about you that made your skin crawl. All of those things were somewhat common knowledge, but then they had started making assumptions about you, asking you things that if you were a queen you would have known the answers to. But you weren’t, you were a stupid little princess, with no one. And you felt so small.

The only thing that made it worse was when you realized you were bracing for something. After every one of their comments, you were waiting for one of Hajime's raging blows. For him let his temper go, just a little. To tell them how it was, to defend you. But it didn’t come, you looked over and he wasn’t paying attention. What happened to your warrior? Your watcher? Your protector?

You remembered a conversation between you and Hajime, before. It was late at night, Hajime was laying on the rug in front of your heart, his arm thrown over his eyes. Your book set to the side.

The candles had all burned low, but the fire stood strong. It casted a blood orange glow across half of his body, the other half a stark blue. You didn’t know if he was asleep, and took your time admiring him.

The side away from you, from your vantage point lounging on the couch, was flushed. His mouth was pulled down slightly, but it didn’t scare you. That looked like you’re Hajime, with sharp teeth and a barking laugh. Who felt everything thrown at him.

You didn’t know how he hid it so well, but he really did experience everything; he might conceal it, but it was in there.

You looked at the other side of him, the one in a cold blue light from the moon coming in your windows. You wondered if that was what other people saw, the straight backed man, who knew who he was and what he stood for.

You said his name gently, he grunted in response.

“Do you remember… that tragedy I read years ago, about the two lovers…” you explained a little more, trailing off.

He took a deep breath saying, “ yes, with the idiots.”

You don’t bother hiding your pursed lips before you say, “what… what would you do in their situation, since they’re such idiots.” You pluck at a thread on the couch, not looking at him.

From your peripheral vision you could see him turn his head to look at the flames, and suddenly a wave of anxiety hits you, you're scared to know his real answer, his honest one.

You get up and walk to the window, and the stark difference in temperature makes you shudder. It was starting to snow, just barely. The moon was so bright, causing the gardens below your window to glow. The marble walkways mirroring back the moon.

“I would…” you look back at him, with a hand still on the window sill, and almost gasp. “I would run too, because I wouldn’t know any better, just like them.” He had sat up and turned away from the fire, his whole front blue and cold.

You couldn’t stand the window anymore, and went to sit by the hearth.

You think he’s run. He’s carried himself as far away from you as he can without abandoning his responsibilities. The gap between you is the largest thing you have ever felt. A dark ravine, and on the other side was him, with his back turned to you. Everything is blue, the moon won’t let you forget, it refuses to shroud out the light, so you can’t remain ignorant. You hate it. And every day, you come closer and closer to falling into that deep crack in the earth, reaching out your arms, stretching your fingers, feeling the rocks shift under your feet, pebbles falling into the dark pit, maybe to never hit the bottom.

You couldn’t calm yourself even hours later, your mind would go back to dinner when you tried to read, and you couldn’t sleep. Sometimes, when it was too late to brandish swords or you were too young to hold one, Hajime and you would walk the palace halls. Running from guards not to be caught, jumping on chairs in forgotten sitting rooms, daring each other to grab things from the kitchen. All before putting his grumpy cool mask back on and escorting you back to your rooms. But you never dared walk the halls yourself, you were always too scared. Hajime... Hajime, he would always take you, and make you feel better.

You had been pacing your rooms, trying to find a way to fix your hurt. Trying to come up with any solution. Sitting down on your bed, you put your head in your hands, pleading with the tears not to fall. You wanted him to make you feel better again, you wanted to feel safe with him behind you, not cold and unwanted.

You didn't know what to do, really, you told yourself as you snuck your way into his rooms, holding your breath the whole way there, still scared. Closing the door behind you you leaned against it, and for a moment, it felt like before. He smelled the same and the room was so warm it made you shiver in satisfaction. But he was a warrior, so your moment of peace didn’t last long as he rolled over, almost reaching for a weapon before he realized who you were.

You tried smiling, but seeing him like that, with his dark hair messy, and cheeks ruddy from sleep just hurt you more. You couldn’t stop the quiver in your lip.

“You've been crying,” he said, pushing himself off the bed slightly. You tried not to watch the blanket fall off his shoulders.

Nodding, you turn your head, wiping away tears with your wrist, not looking him in the eyes. You took a moment, trying to calm yourself and almost took a step towards him, but you caught yourself. That made the tears come faster. If things had been like before, you would have ran to him. You won't have hesitated, you wouldn't be bracing for something foul to come out of his mouth.

But those things didn't matter, not when he finally sat up and opened his arms letting you throw yourself at him.

He rocked you back and forth, pulling you onto his lap, cooing at you. “What’s wrong, what’s the matter my princess.” The vibrato in his voice echoed through you, made you want to melt, but it was also painfully familiar.

His kind words only made you cry harder. How long had it been since you had heard him speak to you at all? And it had to have been even longer since he had been kind to you like this, only reserved for when you were totally alone, and desperately in need.

There was so much wrong, but you could only find it in yourself to shrug. He let out a scoff. Pulling you back, you tried to hide your face, but he grabbed your chin to make you look up. He swiped a thumb under your eye, catching a falling tear. You almost smiled at his frown, how you had missed it, when it only promised light scolding, not cruel disregard.

“I j-just... want you t-to m-make me feel better,” the last word comes out in another desperate sob and he pulled you to him again.

He hummed saying, “Don't tell me someone did this to you.”

You shake your head, burying your face in his chest. You didn't want to face the truth, that he had been so neglectful that he really hadn't seen what had happened at dinner.

“Let's get you to bed, okay?”

You desperately nod, you had missed this so much. You had missed his kindness so much. You almost felt like little kids again, and he led you through the dim hallways clutching your hand. Like when you had first met.

You woke up alone.

Cold, sober reality washed over you like water, slithering down your spine. Oh. Things were not back to before. You hated Before, it taunted you. It laughed at you as you broke each time the word crossed your mind. Before was better, the most shining and brilliant version of what you had lost.

He was escorting you across the castle, and you battled with yourself again. Just like always but worse, now that you knew he was still in there. The contrast ached more. You almost didn't say anything, but you passed by a set of windows and happened to look outside.

It was spring, almost summer, and everything was green again. The hills outside rippled as the green grass swayed. Beyond the grass were wildflowers. You wish you and Hajime could ride out there and lay in them. But you couldn't- or, he wouldn’t.

That makes you stop for some reason, and you walk up to the window looking out. He stops too, remaining behind you.

“Hajime,” You say quietly. He doesn't say anything, facing forward.

He wouldn’t look at you. He refused until you grabbed him as hard as you could with your little hands, not holding back when your nails dug into his wrist and forearm.

He tried pulling back, but you wouldn’t let him. Grabbing one of your wrists he made you yield.

“I’m not... we’re not going to talk about this, not yet,” he said the words with shifting eyes, not able to meet yours for too long. “I can’t.”

You had never minded him when he was his serious self, because you would always see the loving side of him eventually. When you were alone, when it mattered. But this, the firm cold shoulder, it wasn’t the protective one you were used to, it was cruel.

“Well,” you spit out, ripping your wrist from his grip, “ when you can finally tell me your secret, it better be important, because right now I don’t appreciate being ignored- ignored and...” you struggled to find the right words, your chin quivering, eyes filling with tears. Unloved? Unprotected?

“Whatever this is,” you gesture at him, the venom in your voice dissipating with each syllable. Until each blink yielded more tears.

¨You´re dismissed,¨ you tell him, you could make it to tea just fine by yourself.

You were furious, angry, livid. The only thing that dosed the ever flaming embers in your chest was the announcement your father made. You had known it was coming, but him telling everyone solidified it.

He had called you and Hajime to his private rooms a few nights before, you two had met in front of the door.

You were to decide which member of your court would take the oath to be your protector and advisor. Everyone knew it was going to be Hajime, but sometimes a ruler didn't have such loyal followers, and they would choose from a selection. But your father wanted to follow tradition and tell you properly. You had come of age, it would be time for you to take up more responsibility, and this was the first step.

You could feel him standing next to you, facing your father and mother where they sat. The emers in you were doused, replaced by a rush of freezing water that contrasted your hot tears. You couldn't imagine spending the rest of your life like this. You would be a horrible queen if this was the future that awaited you.

Before he made his oath to you, there was to be your birthday celebration. A frantic day of eating, receiving gifts and dancing. Who would you dance with?

Tight lipped, you thanked your parents and walked out. You could hear Hajime behind you, and you didn't try to quiet your ragged breathing as the tears flowed.

They had threatened to fall when your father stood up at dinner and told your court.

It was your birthday, you hadn't danced with Hajime, and you always danced with Hajime. Everytime you could, you let your face relax and your smile melted away. You were exhausted. But someone asked you to dance.

The man no older than Hajime, with fluffy brown hair and beautiful brown eyes, asked you with a hypnotizing smile. He spun you around and said the most outrageous things in your ears, you couldn't help the grin that spread across your face.

You would pass a couple and he would share their most treacherous secrets. Nothing too bad, just outlandish enough that you would blush and want to hit him- only lightly.

He asked you again and again, until you finally had to say no, your face was hot, your skin was covered in a layer of perspiration and you were sure that your hair had fallen out of its updo.

You made your way back to your seat on the dais, next to your parents. You didn't realize that Hajime had moved from his spot on the wall, blending in with the other guards, to stand behind you.

Taking a seat, you hear a scoff. Straightening your back you almost don't believe it. Maybe it was the exercise, or the fact that you were feeling loose after laughing so hard. Or maybe it was because you were actually having fun, but you found that tonight- tonight you had energy.

You could feel it in your chest, that scoff has blown a harsh wind over those embers, fanning them a glowing orange.

“Yes, Hajime,” you say, slightly turning your head in his direction. You tried to keep your tone light.

He grunted, not saying anything. You place your hands in your lap. He won't even give you words.

“Tell me,” you say, face blank, friendly tone gone.

“Nothing, Princess.”

How dare he scoff at you and pretend you were the crazy one.

You spun in your seat. There he was, in his nice uniform, with your kingdom's mascot and colors. Your mascot and colors. Your kingdom's mascot and colors. The kingdoms that you would rule, mascot and colors.

The blades strapped around him were intricate; polished and shrap. He looked straight forward, not acknowledging you. He looks good, something inside of your chest whispered, but was whisked away as your eyes caught on the dagger on his belt, with the same color jews as his uniform

You stood up in a flurry, so fast that he only had time to brace himself before you were grabbing the back of his neck and pulling him down to your level. Nails digging into him all the while.

“Follow me,” you say through gritted teeth. Pulling back looking him in the eyes, you tell him exactly what he needed to know. It was an order, an order from his future ruler. The exchange was so fast you knew no one would see it.

Spinning on your heel you walked down the dais and straight into the crowd of dancing people as they desperately tried to not step on you.

“Princess,” Your father said from his seat behind you. You knew he was objecting at your rudeness, but you didn't care, the act of disobedience spurring you on. You hear the music halt, only for a second, but you keep moving.

You could feel everyone's eyes on you as you made your way further and further towards the doors out of the hall. Each breath wasn’t enough oxygen, and your vision spotted, but the chills rippling over your skin were addicting.

You knew Hajime was behind you.

You didn't answer any of his furious remarks as you grabbed his forearm, dragging him through the palace. You turned down a certain hall and he stopped talking.

You threw open the doors of the practice hall, letting go of Hajime’s arm. Marching down the long open space, so big it could probably hold dozens of bodies, you open one of the cabinets across from the row of tall windows. The room was dim, and you don´t think of lighting candles.

Selecting two swords, you slide one to him across the floor, to where he stood still at the door. He stopped it carefully with his boot, as it spun towards him.

Looking up from the sword, he says, ”No.”

“Pick up the sword, Hajime,” You say from across the room, sword in your hand. You’re not sure why you threw it at him, he already had one on his hip. Maybe because it was unfair, that he could always have one and you could not.

He scoffed at you, leaving it on the ground.

“Pick it up,” You growled.

He didn't have time to roll his eyes before the twin dagger to the one on his belt landed in the door frame, next to his head.

You watched his eyes flick to your hand, smoothing out your skirts, hiding the slit that led to your thigh. You switched your sword back to your dominant hand, breathing already ragged, not looking away from those sharp eyes as he picked the sword off the ground.

You stayed exactly where you were as he walked towards you.

“You are b-”

“I don't want to hear any of what you have to say about my behavior.”

He rolled his eyes, stopping in front of you, getting into his proper stance. You mimicked him.

“You are being a brat.”

You swing for him, and he easily blocks, sending your sword arcing through the air, still in your hand. He sends a shallow jab at you, which you take a step back from.

“What right do you have judging the people I spend my time with?” You say, jabbing right back at him, which he blocks with a sweep of his sword. “And when am I not?”

You go for his left, which he dodges, and as he came around spinning to face you again, he swung low at the wide skirts of your dress. You hear it rip and feel the cold air hit your calves. Taking two steps back he observes you, lowering his sword, intentions clear.

He thought that would end your little fight.

He thought that the ruining of your dress would make you stop, that you were shallow enough to ask for his mercy just because of a tear in your skirts. It made you furious, knowing he wasn't taking this seriously.

You feint lunging at him, he swung from the right, and you blocked, swords suspended in the air for just a moment.

“Stop it.” You say, voice almost a whisper.

You grunt and pull back. Circling each other, you watch as the moonlight brightens his face. The circling continues, and no words are exchanged, giving you time to think about what had been said, only making you more upset.

You had faults, in moments like these, you couldn't hide your next move, anger making you just want to act. You swing at him, and he blocks. While your sword is up, he takes the chance to roll, and shove you backwards away from him. A dirty trick.

“Stop what?” He says to you, looking at you from where you had stumbled a few steps away, face blank.

You looked at him, with his back to the windows, face shrouded in darkness, and you hated him.

Before you could think about it, before you could flinch and regret your actions, your arms were arching up, throwing your sword across the room. Watching as Hajime involuntarily followed its arch through the air, sinning blade spinning over handle, until it landed in a clatter. You watched him all the while, and saw his shocked expression before he could hide it.

“I am your princess,” You growl, his head snapping back to you.

“I am your princess!” You yell, taking a step towards him, chest pressed to his.

“I am your Princess!” You scream, shoving him backwards toward the large windows.

You pressed against him, leaning him back against the window sill. You stretch to your tiptoes, your hands clutching his shirt as you stare into his eyes. With all the venom you can manage, panting, you say, “I am your princess! I am your princess and you will do as I say!”

“What are you doing?” He asks, eyebrows furrowed. You barely hear his words, or his sword clatter to the ground, your breathing too ragged, your heart beat too loud. You could feel it, in every part of your body, it echoed through you.

And in that moment you can almost see him. That flash in his eyes, that tone of voice, his breath fanning over your face. He was your Hajime, only for a second.

“Stop it,” you say, losing momentum with each word, “stop it.”

He finally tugs himself free, ripping your hands from him. He doesn't let go as he presses you a few steps back and leans down to look into your eyes.

His eyes were dark, and you lost him again, the Hajime you want. You yearned to bang on his chest and beg for him back, but you don't dare break the delicate dance you two were in.

“I see them,” you hiss, trying to get in his face, “I see how they look at you.”

“Who?” He spits.

“Your courtiers.” You say the words as if it's a curse.

He throws your hands down, taking steps to the door, still facing you.

“Nothing?” You ask. “You never have anything to say anymore.”

“Why does it matter?” Squaring his shoulders he looks at you straight on.

“Wh-”

“Why does it matter if they look at me?”

“It- I-”

“Tell me why it matters, Princess, and maybe we can talk. I don't want part in your tantrums.”

You watch him walk away, listening to every fading step, until you only have your breathing to fill the silence.

You couldn’t stop thinking about that night, it made you sick, haunting you with the memories of what you had said to each other.

Maybe you had been wrong. Wrong to order him to follow you, wrong to act so brash, wrong to scream at him, and to accuse him of those things.

You scolded yourself for acting that way, to let your temper control you. It had felt good, until you had crashed.

The option-less future spread in front of you. What would you do? Exhaustion was seeping into you, a new type of tired, one that you would do anything to amend.

If your temper wouldn’t fix your problems, you would have to try something else, even if it burned you from the inside out.

You called him to your rooms, something you had never done before. There was no need to call upon each other, you always knew where the other was

Hajime found you in the chair in the corner, the one he used to stay in; you rarely used it.

The last rays of evening sunlight were shining in your windows, cascading over your body.

Your face was illuminated by the sun, every beautiful line and imperfection was open in the light. It made you glow, like you should have been kept in a painting so you could be adored forevermore. You were golden, hair caught fire, glowing like a beacon of truth. The heir of an empire, the hope of thousands.

“Majesty,” he bowed, something he had only done a handful of times, for special occasions. It felt forgien and stiff doing it there.

“Iwaizumi” you said, it sounded like a song, a sigh and a prayer and a plea. But it wasn’t right.

When was the last time you had called him that? Never, a furious voice in the back of his mind told him.

“It’s almost time for me to choose.”

He stood up straighter, meeting your eyes for the first time. There wasn’t that look in them like before, of hurt and hardness. Determination that you would power through. It was just a fact.

It was almost time for you to choose the person of your court to swear a never ending bond with. To protect each other, in body and soul, to in turn protect your kingdom.

You looked down at your hands, and he was compelled to take a step forward to make sure he heard you, but not too close. He had a feeling that if he took another step he would see your red rung eyes, and he didn’t want to think about that.

“I want it to be you… I'm sorry for that night, for yelling, and trying to cut you into pieces. But…” You take a deep breath and look out the window. “ I don’t know what’s changed, and I’m so sorry for how I’ve acted, and whatever I’ve done, but I want it to be you”

With those last words you looked him in the eyes. The anger was gone, and all he saw was a tired princess. His tired princess. You didn’t break his gaze, not saying anything more .

He almost wanted to question you, the maturity in your words shocking. But he stayed quiet; that wasn’t his place anymore.

You had said your peace, he knew, as he looked into your eyes, with your face passive. It was his turn now, to come to you and bear his teeth, to gouge the hurt out of his chest in to lay it bare for both of you.

Hajime had a memory he kept close to him, right on his hip. He might have kept it on his ribs, the ones that protected his heart, if that was where you kept daggers.

It was the winter solstice celebration from years before. Hajime and you were in your parents' private rooms, giving gifts.The two of you sat on the floor next to the fire, with your parents on the couch in front of you.

“Now this one is for both of you.” Your mother explained, handing you both identical boxes. “Open them at the same time.”

You gave Hajime one look before tearing into yours. He didn’t get to see your reaction as he worked on delicately undoing the ribbons, but he heard your gasp.

Resting in your hands was an exquisite, shining dagger. You gently held it up, and both your heads turned in to stare at it.

“Oh my…” You gawked.

Hajime went back to his gift and opened it to an identical dagger. Twins.

He held his up, and you two compared.

They had blades of shimmering silver, with curved tips that looked sharp enough to split hairs. The handles were of matching silver formed into delicate patterns, inland with jewels that matched your kingdom's colors. The metal reflected the light of the fire behind you, flickering gold and orange, like the blades held the sun.

Looking up to your parents your father explained. “I had those made for the two of you.”

You waited, but that was all he offered. Hajime watched you balance the dagger in your hand, turning it over and examining it.

“They’re beautiful.” You say.

“I would hope that you don’t use them on each other, and only wear them for celebrations, but I doubt that is something that will happen.”

Hajime chuckled, looking down at his own dagger. The king might not have said it, but he had a feeling he knew what the daggers were for.

They were the two of you. Cut from the same stone, at each other with blades as sharp as diamonds, all while in your shining castle.

They were to remind you where you came from, that you two were one in the same, and that you were to work together. Much better to mar an enemy with the same blade than have the one that matches your in your gut.

“Thank you,” he said.

Hajime looked at you, and you were smiling. Leaning over, your grin was feral, and he couldn’t help the electricity that went down his spine.

“Do you know what this means?” You ask. “I need to get my dresses tailored.”

Hajime ruffled your hair, but your smile was burned into his memory. One in the same. Maybe his future queen really would be as strong as him.

Hajime could learn to like that.

Hajime was trained by your father and his men to be a warrior. Your warrior. While you were trained in how to fight men across oceans and continents, he was taught how to fight men with steel and teeth. You did give him a run for his money when you brawled, but he knew that he would never want to be facing you in a killing field, with an army at your disposal.

Your cleverness was beyond him, not that you would ever give yourself credit for it. But you were still young, and when he caught something that you had missed in meetings or conversations, the sparkle in your eye, the way he knew you were in awe of him, was addictive.

In all honesty, Hajime wasn’t your only lover, or admirer, you had many. Your parents were kind to you, your father could often be found making you giggle, especially when you were seated next to him at meetings. Your mother and you discussed books and music. You would often receive compliments from your father’s advisors and friends, which always made you blush in thanks. And your mothers lady’s loved to give you advice about clothes and any romantic endeavors you might go one. Not that there were many. The boys liked winking at you, and making you blush. Hajime tried his best to keep that to a minimum. Your court did love you, they loved the princess that was bashful and kind, but had the cleverest ideas at council meetings. You were the beautiful shining light, in your beautiful shining castle, and you would keep your court strong.

Those were all things that Hajime knew well. Painfully well. Because he was always the first to notice. He had seen how they all cared and vowed to make sure that you would stay that way, that you were protected and cared for. So your light never went out, so your kingdom was always strong. He would do what he must, he would not let your court fall.

So when he had looked at you and the light in your eyes had changed, he felt responsible.

It wasn’t a bad change, just different. It only took him a short amount of time to pinpoint what it was.

He couldn’t love you, not like that. He couldn’t let himself break you, because he knew he’d manage somehow, he was always a little heavy handed.

What protector would he be if he broke your heart? If he was the first one to weaken you? To welcome you into the cruel world you would be entering, of choosing the best of horrible options, of lying and deceiving? He would not be the one to welcome you to that.

Maybe he was wrong, maybe you could take it. He wouldn’t be the one introducing you to the hurt, he could be the one to guide you through it.

He was surprised when he found you, always too afraid to wander the place at night. You were in a sitting room, long forgotten by the court, locked away and covered in sheets.

It was one of the rooms you would play in as children, with the furniture pushed to one corner; each and every one of the walls between the tall windows was covered in paintings.

By now both of you had them memorized, whether that be by sunlight, candle light or moon light, both of you knew each of them well.

You were only looking at one, standing right in front of it, your favorite painting of them all.

Hajime watched you, in the light of the moon, stare at the picture. Your profile was perfectly outlined by the stark light.

“Tell me about her again,” he asked, voice carrying across the room.

You spare him a glance before turning back to the painting.

You take a step closer and take a breath. “Her name was Kiyoko.”

You bring your hand up, and with only a finger you delicately trace the frame.

“She was the most beautiful woman in the land, and the man who painted her was in love with her, but there were few who weren’t.”

Hajime didn’t have to see the picture to know what it looked like, he had spent plenty of time looking at it with you. The girl was beautiful, with silky black hair, pale skin, and eyes that felt like they knew all, like they were windows into the fiercest storm.

He knew the curve of her lips and the mole on her chin, and the pastel color of her dress. She was framed in a sea of greenery; plants, grass and trees all around her. Despite her pale dress and cool eyes she was surrounded by orange flowers, and in the corner of the painting, were perched crows.

He wasn’t sure what made you stare at that painting like you did. Like you could see details that weren’t there. You had always said that when you looked at it, you longed for the frame to expand, for the picture to grow wider, to see what she saw.

You also had a thousand questions for her, you wanted to know her as intimately as you knew her face. But she never answered, staring back with those eyes, until only Hajime was left to answer your questions.

“She was loved by everyone, it was said that you would be blessed if she acknowledged you, and if she spoke to you, you were destined for the most devine heaven.” You move your finger from the frame to the painting, looking like you would touch it, but you don’t, only coming infinitely close.

“She married the man she loved, and had a laugh that sounded like bells.” You bring your hand down and step back from the painting.

“You would be her most devoted admirer.” Hajime said.

“I already am,” you smile looking down at your hands, “but I think she would have deserved a beautiful friendship.”

It wasn’t a real story, her name was Kiyoko, that was the name of the painting, but each time you told it, it was different.

Looking up to reply to Hajime, you met his eyes. On his face was a smile that delicately curved, turning his mouth up.

That smile… the curve of his mouth, the sharp teeth behind it. It made your knees week, the relief of seeing it again.

He took steps towards you, until you were standing shoulder to shoulder looking at her again.

“What do the crows mean,” he asked, encouraging you to keep going.

You take a moment before answering. “They’re her other admirers, only to ever love her from afar.”

He hummed, and you swear you could feel it in your bones.

You turn to look at him, right in the eyes.

“It matters… it mattered because you weren’t looking at me.”

He tried to speak, but you stopped him. “No, listen to me.”

He wouldn’t look away from your eyes, face cool.

“I couldn’t- can’t- you just… you weren’t looking at me, and I didn’t know what to do. It’s unbearable.” Your words were so quiet, always so quiet in moments like these

It seemed like he couldn’t bear to break the silence as he said with narrowed eyes. “You think I don’t know, that I didn’t see?”

“You won’t break me Hajime,” you say with a scoff. He almost flinced, coming close but stopping. Like you had seen right through him when he wasn’t expecting.

“You don’t know that,” he hissed, “I know, saw it, everything, and I made that decision. I won’t be the one to introduce you to that, to be the first one to hurt you.”

He spoke with his hands, and you watched them as they moved. They were so wide, well taken care of, you remember them being softer than expected.

“You’re supposed to protect me,” you grit through your teeth. You don’t know if he can tell how flushed you are, but you know he can see the silver lining your eyes.

“H-how am I supposed to protect this kingdom, t-this court without you! I can’t do it without you.”

“You’ll do just fine,” he said, standing up straighter.

“Don’t say that! Why would you- why would you say something like that.”

It was getting hard to get the words out, every time he spoke you ached more and more.

He was panting, like those words had winded him. His face was hard, unyielding. You wrapped your arms around yourself, and covered your wobbling mouth. A sick imitation of a comforting embrace

He didn’t know what to do. His princess was shattering right in front of him and there was nothing he could do.

There was no one to point a blade at, no where to keep you safe. Looking at the tears in your eyes, he knew that this had been happening for a while. You were begging him to take his words back, any of them, but he wouldn’t let himself.

Hajime resisted the urge to look down at his hands. He’d always been heavy handed, that's what he had said to himself. He was trying to shield you, gods-dammit, but those hands had done more harm than good when it really mattered.

All he could do was watch you crumble in on yourself, while he stood feet away.

He was clueless. He always knew what to do. Your faithful, balanced Hajime was at a loss.

You could see it, you blinked and you were there. No longer in that moon-bathed room, but outside, children again.

How old were you? Nine? Eleven? How old was he? Thirteen? Fifteen? You were just children; the same as always. Had you even grown up, were you always clutching each other like this? So dependent yet so unaware of each other?

You had never seen him like this, he lived with a sword in his hand and a shield on his back. His upper lip stiff, his will unmoving.

But the man standing in front of you was desperate, with his hands splayed in front of him, like they would burn you if he got too close.

Why couldn’’t you just say it, why were you two always dancing around it? Your own choreography, your own sacred, unique steps.

“I’m tired,” you say, shoulders dropping, eyes lifting to the ceiling.

“I am too,” Hajime admitted.

You closed your eyes tight, feeling more tears fall from your lashes. And when you opened them again, you were met with steel. Not like the steel of blades, but unforged steel, ready to be shaped, reborn.

Looking into those eyes, the irises that framed hurricanes, it felt like those roaring winds blew right through you. Breathing life into you, fanning your flames. Maybe she could answer just one question for you.

This is the last time, you vowed to yourself, no matter how it ends.

Hajime didn’t ask questions as you dragged him through the palace, his presence giving you a little more confidence than before.

Up and up you went, just when he thought you were done taking him up stairs you found another set, and headed right to the top. You only felt him hesitate once, but you didn’t look back, and he followed. You made it to the top. A tower that was once a sentries station.

“How did you… isn’t there someone working here?” Hajime asked.

You didn’t have to look at him to see the crease in his brow. “No, there’s no need to have anyone up here.”

Your kingdom had been peaceful for years, if any attacks were to come, they would not be so often as to need guards on the lookout every day. Hajime knew that, so you followed. “I haven’t been sleeping, so I’ve just been walking around at night… and I wound up here.”

He didn’t say anything, but you knew what he was thinking. You never walked alone, the fact that you had been in that sitting room tonight was shocking. But you? Wondering up here?

On one hand, you hoped that he was feeling guilty. On the other, you felt horrible for tearing him up like that. But you knew that was how he was feeling, he wouldn’t push it to the side this time. Not with it spelled out in front of him.

Crossing his arms and leaning back, he gave you a look of disapproval, but you were no stranger to those cunning eyes. You tried not to dwell on the picture before you, slowly focusing into something- someone you recognized.

You walked up to the window, leaning against it, staring at the slowly brightening horizon.

“Just tell me why.” Was all you said.

Hajime stepped forward, shoulder to shoulder with you, hand on the cool window sill. The warmth that encompassed Hajime's side almost made him purr, you were so close.

He took a moment to look at the view, the mountains in the distance, silhouetted by the rising sun. The dark sky was slowly becoming a splash of deep colors.

“I don’t just protect you, your life isn't your own. What I do affects you, what I see keeps you safe. What I let you do… it could change so much. If I stumble, if I overlook something- so much is at steak. And I know what you were thinking when you looked at me.” He paused as you nodded, and watched your eyes move from the horizon to the city nestled below the palace. “So I stopped, and you were pissed.”

“I’ll be disappointed if you say you didn’t see that coming.”

“Well, it worked to my advantage… until you woke me up that night…”

Your smile melted, but you didn’t say anything. Maybe he was bracing for something, that crackling irritation he was used to. But it didn’t come.

Hajime stiled. Maybe this wasn’t him talking to his princess anymore, as you listened, as he spoke, he realized it was his queen in front of him.

“You hurt me. You were mine and then suddenly you weren’t.” He sat there and listened as your voice cracked

“I’m sorry”

You turned to look at him. “You can’t break me that easy Hajime, we’re one and the same, in sword and devotion. I want you at my back, I want you protecting me. I need you to want the same. I thought- I thought we agreed on that. So please… let me choose you.”

“Please let me be your princess, please let me choose you, I want you to protect me, the right way.”

With you next to him he could see the sunlight reflected in your eyes, how it made them sparkle, how the roofs of your city seemed to wink up at you with the last slivers of moon light. Telling him how much hope they had for you, how they knew that their princess would keep them safe.

“I'm sorry,” he whispered.

With that admission, you threw yourself at him, wrapping your arms around him and squeezing him as hard as you could. You took a few breaths before pulling back, still keeping your arms around him, looking into his eyes.

“Let me be your princess Haji, please.” It was like you were looking for something in his eyes, not breaking the connection.

“Always,” he whispered, leaning closer, not looking away.

“But you aren’t my princess.” He watched your eyes flutter and he drew closer and closer, wrapping his arms around you, keeping you right against him. “You're my queen.”

He met your lips, and you were the sweetest thing he had ever tasted. He didn’t think he could ever forgive himself if he made you feel like you had again.

And as the sun created the mountains, and it's morning rays illuminated you and Hajime, he knew that his hands might have broken you, but they had also put you back together.

Pulling away from Hajime, you try not to look as out of breath as you felt. You stared into his slate eyes and felt like he had never left, that the time between you that had hurt you was just a memory, a distant past.

They say you can’t remember pain. Maybe its to give you the courage to forgive, to be able to try again.

You watched his mouth as he said, “I'm a fool.”

“Then that would make me a fool too,” you muse, tone playful.

“No,” he said, shaking his head slightly, furrow in his brow. “We can’t have a queen who's a fool.”

“Then what am I?”

“An idiot,” you watched his mouth as he said it. His smile was crooked, like he was trying to hide it.

“Like the lovers,” You breathe, your own smile spreading across your face.

“Like the lovers,” he repeated.

The word lovers echoed in your head when you decided you wanted to kiss him again.

With each breath, you felt the embers inside of you cool to ashes, blowing in the wind like ash.

You might have lied, that night wouldn't be your last fight, but it would never be like that ever again.

Hajime and you were once again in the practice hall, but this time things were different. You were both giddy, as the early morning sun glinted in your eyes. You tumbled and swung your swords at each other, but this time it was laughter shared between you, not savage words.

You felt like you two were dancing again. With your dress whispering around your legs, and the dagger that matched Hajimes visible around your hip, you felt like you had that night as children, when Hajime first taught you to laugh.

You weren’t upset, or nervous this time, as you gave each other bruises and sore shoulders. Because later that morning at the ceremony you knew who would be standing next to you, with his back straight and his shoulders down. Your fiercest warrior and most devoted lover.

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