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fabulouslyflamboyant5 · 2 days

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The Unrighteous Knight Part 4

pairing: azriel x second archeron sister!reader

summary: when your past makes its way to your present, you have no choice but to face what you desperately tried to bury.

warning: canon typical violence, mentions of s*xual as*ult, themes of depression and su*cidal thought

word count: 1.5k

a/n: if you couldn't already tell, life hasn't been the greatest lately. writing has always been therapeutic, a comfort of sorts. so this fic has unintentionally progressed into something much darker than I intended for it to.

part one part two part three part four

The task of understanding oneself is easier said than done.

It is, in theory, a time for serendipity and unwavering resolve. Questioning is encouraged for it is sure to call forth inner peace.

In practice, you have experienced only chaos. Self-destruction of the highest level; the complete and utter repentance of self-fulfillment and appreciation.

You are destined to be happy, in the same ways your sisters were destined to be great.

And yet, you are the epitome of misery, lacking in accomplishments and cauldron blessed feats.

Rejecting opportunities is something favored by the weak, so you aren't quite sure why you seem to be doing just that.

Standing in front of the marble lined mirror, its obsidian edges sharp and artisan crafted, you cannot help but resent everything bestowed upon you.

Immortality, oftentimes revered by mortals, is no more than monotony dragged out over eternity.

Why is it you fight, would it be so difficult to give up?

Perhaps Azriel was only acting on your own subconscious ambitions that fateful night. Had he struck the littlest bit closer, just enough to pierce the fragility of your lungs, you could be resting contently in whatever fire ridden land you are destined for.

You mistake your tears for rain, not realizing the moisture cascading down your face is a product of yourself until you focus in on the image presented within the mirror. Occurrences such as these are rare. You devour sorrow with ease, but the physical act of crying is a poison you are yet to find an antidote for.

It's unfamiliar.

Almost as much as the thought, or impending reality, of being face to face with Azriel.

For the first time since the incident, you will be training with him again. Though Nesta did not outright mention he would be present, it would be foolish to assume her failed ministrations were not a warning.

So now, as you stand before your own reflection, crying, and cursing the universe for your creation, you wonder.

What could I be, if I were to leave this all behind?

Who may I have become, had I never been corrupted?

You imagine, for the first time in years, a better future for yourself.

And god damn, if it isn't a wonderous thing.

You lower your hands, resting them on your womb, and let your mind go places it had nearly forgotten. The montage is blurry, like a notebook immersed in history. But it is still there.

You’re still there.

Visions of clandestine ballrooms, all too tall bed chambers, and joyous smiles haunt your mind.

It’s supposed to be beautiful, it was beautiful.

But you know what comes next.

Chandeliers fall and their crystals scatter, a shack is built and the desperation for money has your body ravaged.

You clutch your stomach, never as flat as your sister’s, and let your body give into the tragedy you are reliving.

The sound that you release is not one you are familiar with.

It's primitive, wretched, horridly grievous.

Richoteing off of your bedroom walls, you claw at the pristine floor until your fingers are stained red, maimed into something else entirely.

As your voice rises in octaves, the crystals within your room begin to tremble. You sense their clattering, feel the vibrations of their destruction as they crack into pieces too small to be made anew.

You pay no mind to any of it. Not even when the grandiose chandelier bursts, leaving behind only linings of darkened copper.

You raise your head so it is no longer touching the floor and admire the destruction you have caused. Crystal fragments fall and swirl across the room. Their edges, sharp and jagged, wedge themselves into your exposed skin all while your back is reserved for the larger pieces of the bunch, supplied by none other than the chandelier that once hung proudly.

You think you may be bleeding, if the crimson droplets trickling across your body mean anything, that is. And yet, you fail to register the pain of your flesh being split apart.

A disease of the mind is what truly plagues you. Haunting you, playing out within your heart as if its curtains never even closed. And it’s ironic, because you lived it. Witnessed its rise and fall. Bathed yourself in its glory and scrubbed yourself of its grime. The curtains did close, for you were the one pulling them shut: The sole actress in the tragedy that became your life, remembered by no one, and loved by only the forgotten.

Trembling, you reach for your lower abdomen and caress it with your hands, tracing the scarred edges of the brand burnt into you. Moving up, down, and all across, your fingers, even through leather garments, are still able to make out the shape of the word lining your lower stomach.

R…U...I…N…E…D

You were barely an adult when the hot iron made contact with your malnourished flesh. All you remember is the searing pain and sound of coins being retrieved. Your “innocence”, as the leader liked to call it, had been sold not even an hour before you received the label. Double, perhaps triple your age, the man who placed the highest bid on you is the one you wish the most misery.

Had it not been for your own desperation, then perhaps you would still be intact. But you were impoverished, and your sisters grew desperate. No one, you are certain, knows the lengths you went to in order to bring home a salary. Even if it was only a portion of the bid, it was enough for a week’s worth of food, a testament to the nothingness you are valued at.

You have loved and you have lost, yet you have never truly grieved. How could you? A brothel is no place to rejoice, 18 is not old enough to process the crime you fell victim to.

Practically a child when you were sold off, a situation as disastrous as the one you lived though was not something you were capable of recognizing. Had you done so, you’d have crumbled. So you didn’t think of it, you buried it deep within the soil, under an oak sapling and left behind what could have been. In many ways, it did kill you. But you never quite broke. Fractured, perhaps, but you were still whole. Your edges were jagged and all light had gone out, but you still went on.

Life, whether you wanted it to or not, still went on.

You're sisters had one another, and you had pieces of yourself. How could you have revealed such a thing to them? Life was surely difficult enough.

You’d been raised to keep your struggles a secret, your mother conditioned it. To open up, to share such a tragedy with anyone, would be a betrayal to the one you’d been born loving, even if that feeling was never quite reciprocated.

~~~

For hours, you lay on the hard floor. Visions of wealth, poverty, and stolen mortality possess your mind.

Your tears have been never ending and your sobs have transformed into husky whispers of shame.

All’s cruel in love and grief, for the past will always bleed into the present. Devastation wraps her hands around your neck and you urge her to press harder, steal your breath and life with it.

Nothing, absolutely nothing, is worth what you’ve endured.

It’s quiet, you're shaky breathing being the only sound within the room.

You hear the footsteps approaching and the door handle rattling, but pay no mind to it.

The fading sunlight from up above bleeds through the thin curtain, panting the man within the doorframe an angelic shade of gold.

He looks like he could be your savior. Had he put his knife through your lungs, then perhaps he would have been.

But alas, shadows dash forward and amber eyes assess the shattered crystals spread across the floor.

You see his mouth moving, hear the syllables he is spewing, but fail to interpret any of it.

His steps grow closer and panic overtakes you.

He wouldn’t. Surely, he wouldn't…

Scarred hands meet your shoulder and a scream tears through your already worn out throat. You are saying things, yelling things, but you don’t know what exactly.

You claw at his arms, praying they remove themselves from your entity.

Slowly and unprecedented, he lets his hands fall to his kneeled form. In nothing louder than whispers, he calls to you. To send you further, or bring you back, you don’t quite know.

But his eyes, those damn eyes. The same ones you’d never quite been able to walk away from, have you running right back.

taglist: @tele86 @aetherl0l @sidthedollface2 @marvelouslovely-barnes @impossibelle @chessebookgirl

#angst #acotar #azriel x reader #fanfic #a court of thorns and roses #azriel #azriel shadowsinger #rhysand #feyre #nesta #elain #cassian #feyre archeron #fluff #fanfiction #books #acotar x reader #azriel angst #sad

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badly-drawn-doflamingo · 13 hours

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This is one of my favorite scenes because of its layers and I’d like to share it with everyone!

The symbolism for every character here is rough.

The tangerine trees and flag weep as Nami and Chopper stand around Brook and Carrot.

Bellemere, with her beloved trees, and the pirate flag Hiriluk loved so fondly; they cry for they died in a similar way, and now they’ve lost another.

Brook. Has lost another. Carrot, lost a brother.

She doesn’t move, drawn in on herself as she knows the news and is handling it the best way she can as a child, however Brook does something very, very different.

He THROWS himself violently to the floor, and in a rage we NEVER see him in, not like this, he curses himself, and apologizes to the air about him, a mantra of sorts.

I don’t think it’s just an apology to Pedro, no, but to the Rumbars he failed in the EXACT same way.

To Brook, who was acting captain, those men died due to a mistake on his part, an error he didn’t think about or prepare for, and they were butchered, one after another like ants under a stronger man’s boot. The left overs and rotten remains hung about him for 50 years, and he knew he failed Yorki entirely.

He believes in this moment, that he, after being given power by Luffy, has failed Pedro ALONE entirely, just like he did before.

“If only I.”

Chopper was there with him. It was a we if anything but no, not to Brook.

“If only I was stronger,”

A chant he probably already has said before many, many times during the nights and days and hoary mornings and fantasy moments of the dusk alone and with others; if only he had been stronger, maybe those men would have made it to live like he’s been blessed to now.

Jinbe speaks up, giving advice just like Fisher would have, and now we see TWO captains, one disabled, throwing his beloved hair into the dirt, forgetting his own promise to a little boy who waits beside an aging tired man, and a man who’s lead strong since his mentor died.

It’s such a wonderful scene of morals, and reactions, and grief and loss and even PTSD.

Oh Brook,, it’s not your fault. Never was, but, will he ever forgive himself?

#whole cake spoilers #character death #character analysis #one piece spoilers #one piece #whole cake arc #brook #soul king brook #jinbe #Pedro #scene study #episode study #scene analysis #anime analysis #whole cake island

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yamsgarden · 12 days

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omggg gonna delete later and repost in a better format but THEY'RE FINALLY DONE

my pikmin keychain designs are finally done aaaa i started them last october 2023 but never got the chance to continue them because i got sucked back up into jojo OTL

i honestly have no idea if ill sell any but it doesnt matter, i just wanted to make my own collection for fun and i'm freeeeee finally AAAA PIKMIN PRECIOUS

#delete later #i love jojo #BUT FUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC #it always absorbs me away from everything else #its such a curse and a bless at the same time #tho ngl i met so many new friends... somehow #and i love them #AND THEY LOVE PIKMIN TOO #pikmin

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last-flight-of-fancy · 7 months

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some musical cookies 🎵 i've improved a lot since i did mint choco, my lines are a lot more confident and solid now <3

#i actually still like parfait's tbh. it just needs better contrast and actual. lines.#i was trying to do a more lineless style at first and eventually realised i just didnt like doing it much #so now i've got this weird hybrid style where my lines are part of the colouring stage but also its. still lines. sdhjdfsjhdsf #its a blessing and a curse at the same time. depends on the circumstances #cookie run #cookie run kingdom #crk fanart #rockstar cookie #black lemonade cookie #shining glitter cookie #parfait cookie #mint choco cookie #flight's making things again

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cannibalovers · 2 months

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I KNOW THAT FLASHBACKS ARE A THING BUT NOBODY FUCKING TOLD ME THAT ILL HAVE TO REEXPERIENCE THE PAIN OF MIZUMONO 2 EPISODES INTO SEASON 3?

#unfortunately and fortunately no matter how many times i rewatch a show or media whatever moment hit the hardest will always hit hard #like i will have the same reaction and emotions each time even tho i know whats coming #idk if its a blessing or a curse #especially with mizumono #hannibal #nbc hannibal #mizumono #shitpost #my post

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lover-of-skellies · 1 month

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yeah have you ever been checked for like, autism or ADHD or something like that. Executive dysfunction and that shebang

I have ADHD/ADD, but it's been a while since I had that diagnosis made. I'm not sure if ADHD goes away or not, or if I actually have something else going on, but sometimes I wonder if I should get rechecked

#anon #asks #hhhhhhhhh #its both a blessing and a curse at the same time #I'm very creative and can focus very intensely on things that are interesting #but I'm forgetful. i struggle to do things sometimes #and if i don't complete a task in one sitting then the odds of it ever being done decrease

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racmune · 6 months

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being in male dominated spaces online is like. i know its BAD but also theres something very magical of people just immediately assuming youre a dude and using he/him on you completely unprompted

#andy rambles #idk its cool and better when people dont assume FOR ANYONE #but just me being selfish it feels really good and affirming #i know that its good to use they/them until you know someones pronouns but just in my own experience that just feels .... mmmm not good #<- again. me just being selfish #but #i guess it always feels odd cause people will still assume for people they assume to be cis #so it feels a bit upsetting most times being called they by randoms #cause its almost the same as being clocked regardless of if its in a respectful way #idk #MY THOUGHTS IN MY BRAINNNN #tf2 pubs are a blessing and a curse for my transgender ass

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samwisefamgee · 5 months

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everyday I join lethal company lobby to Just Vibe and am sent Multiple Friend Request

#help #SORRY im good at video games and fun to hang out with its a CURSE not a blessing #sea of thieves was the same too man every lobby falls in love with me and i just want to play with strangers for a bit #why the instant commitment geez dinner and a movie first #and HALF the time its like bruh you called lootbugs gay no more than 20 minutes ago and you try to friend my fag ass you YOU FUCKING YOUUUU #and the other half theyre just. not my style? had more great times with randos online than i could count but not once met someone who like #i would think about continuing to hang with?#kind of a shame given this is my main recreation? feels like id have made at least one lasting buddy out of the hundreds i played like #3 hours of sea of thieves with one time or something #now to circle back this could Perhaps be due to me not accepting friend requests #but i will circumvent this issue by means of not confronting it #anyway it's fun playing with randos. hoppin in a lobby of strangers is like a jack-in-the-box of the human experience #lots of austrailians on at my 3 am makes for great convos. i sure as hell aint meeting any out in this fuckin city #or anyone else in funky distant timezones #this place is a white suburban hell and this is nearly my only decent recreation and cultural exposure pls #IM NOT EVEN THAT COOL everytime it happens i think of the hercules hades “He's a GUY' line like cmon

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exnusquam · 1 year

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[mun] note, if the interactions between our muses get deep enough for your muse to give Arceus a name, they will hold onto that name until your muse dies or otherwise stops existing.

Names are something they treasure with all their heart, to them its a sign of recognization, of belonging, and sometimes even of love.

For this reason, if they end up giving your muse a name, even if its not the name your muse told them to call them, covertly, its a sign of love from Arceus. They dont expect your muse to like it, of course, because they understand not everyone holds the same values they do, good grief, of course not. How could they?

But names, for Arceus, are a way to forge a bond that will last a lifetime to them. Even if yours has long since forgotten about them; if your muse has given Arceus a name

they will remember it. And they will always follow, if you call them by that name.

#They will however only follow on that name if its the person who gave them the name #anyone else whod call them that would not receive the same reaction #for instance; valerie has given Arceus the name ''Sona''. thats why in that thread i refer to them now as sona #and not as ''the stranger''#or ''the invader''#So if Valerie were to ever call them by that name even if Arceus werent there at that time #Arceus would always follow the call and always appear #''You called my name didnt you?"#But if for example Volo were to call them Sona by some miracle hearing that val would refer to them that way #They would not react to that at all #hed have to give them their own name from himself #but that in turn would also mean hed tie them to himself #as anyone who gives them a name does #which is a double edged sword as it gives them the desire to seek you outagain #regardless of what your relationship might be #so giving them a name is both a curse #a blessing #and a love language #Headcanons.;#Ask to tag/#lmao this got longer than expected #Necro speaks.;

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breezere · 1 year

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What brushes do you use and program?

good ol ibis paint x to draw, my brushes tho, god-

i typically rotate every so often just to see what i like atm, but the brush im currently using for doodles is this custom brush i found!

the qr code if anyone wants to yoink it

#ask #breezy answers #i visit the online tab on ibis religiously #its a blessing and a curse in the sense i have like 295764 brushes saved only to use the same 5 every time

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sinsofsummers · 10 months

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feeling very ethel cain, a house in nebraska-coded today no one make a SOUND if you hear me replaying the outro on repeat

#laur speaks #its like a blessing and a curse #at the same time

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secret-bug-pain-blog · 1 year

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half the time we write things it's because we look at the selection of What's Available For X Thing and because it sucks ass, we go "FINE, we'll do it ourself" and that's at its core why we write for bug fables

#we mean no offense to the vast majority of bug fables writers #but we are REALLY tired of cracking open the ao3 tag and literally the first line its 'he would not fucking say that'#we do whumpy stuff bc we enjoy it! however we really really feel that our characterization needs to Work #because if it DOESN'T match the characterization then why tf are we writing for these characters #we have One Specific Work that we dislike specifically bc we feel it falls too much into the trap of like #making the whumper and whumpee basically just The Same Personalities #we are still gonna post it ofc but we dont like it that much and we're only delaying until art gets done #we are always improving! blessing and a curse in one compact package #bc it means unfortunately some stuff we make will suck #misc.#my posts #writing #bug fables #anyways if we cannot nail down mothivas personality in a satisfying enough way to make her seem In Character #when shes a whumpee in a situation where shes highly predisposed to start fawning #then we will die. and then we'll have to do it better next time bc like fuck if we're giving up #so we're gonna make her act more like an asshole in the beginning bc thats how she Acts under stress #and then have that abrupt fakey turn to fawning in presence of an authority figure #hopefully this turns out right bc if it doesnt we Will die and it Will be this that kills us #smth smth we can't just get into and make content for things that are Purely Good its got to suck a bit #so we can get off our ass enough to go 'you're a fucking idiot and im writing this myself'

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mazojo · 2 years

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I thought I was over it but I am not. Like do y’all see that pixelated orange haired guy with the stuffy red turtle neck and ugly ass robes right there? Do y’all see how much of a loser he is and how he goes and fights people for fun because he is not like other guys (he is worst) while keeping a secret identity from his family saying he is a TOY MAKER because he cares even though he pretends to be a public menace? Do yall see how pathetic he is?? And yet he appears for like 0.5 seconds and 2 frames and I start bawling like ?? girl is this who we represent ??? Get a grip

#today I want to dedicate this post to all the Tartaglia lovers out there because we have questionable taste and we die on that hill #Guys what happens when my favorite genshin impact character is an absolute MENACE yet he is also my blorbo??? what have I become #honestly my best and worst character trait at the same time is having Childe as my favorite character. its a curse and a blessing really #i am like joking btw but like lowkey I am not ahaa its the orange hair I swear #genshin impact #childe

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florek-kun · 1 year

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hotaru has been very aggressive so the vet gave him calming meds and now he looks like a crusty old man because he's been very fussy about taking them

angry 3 year old grandpa

#my cockatiels are the epitome of feral gremlins #they are the opposite of sane and its a blessing and a curse at the same time #personal ramblings of a madman #birblr #technically????????

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muslim-flint · 1 year

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ikhwan werent kidding when they said having a haram bf Will fuck u up in a way or another . only got myself to blame but wouch oughf we're in a little bit of a pickle here boyz

#just venting but hey. its the way hes mine and someday won't be anymore and i'll never be loved that softly again 🥰🤪 fun FUCKING times #and hes not even here hes so far away. both a blessing (no Haram Premium business)#and a curse (my body feels heavy at all times bc hes not holding it :)). haha. myea #wanna know what hurts the most. the main problem is not even that hes not muslim. bc inshaAllah he will be someday ik hes getting there #no!!!the main problem is that we dont want the same life!!!and i will never ask him to stay for me!!#i will never ask him to not have kids!!for me!!!!BUT WAIT BC THE WORST IS NOT EVEN THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!#the very worst is that hes NOT okay with it!!!!!!!!and i would deal with this shit so much better. if he accepted in his heart that this #is not meant to last. bc what it fucking means is that im probably the one who will have to leave him bc he'll never do it #idk idek when like god only knows but it fucking hurts in advance :))))) what did mitski said. you love me so hard and i still cant sleep #anyweh. just needed to let it out. stay away from love yall skfjdkdj shits DANGEROUS. trixie mattel voice they dont tell u that.#rizcore #lui

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wngweis · 3 months

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i am just a snowflake, and i die whenever im out of my snowglobe. when i have to do social events. when i have to be in the presence of people, i dont share a spark of the same energy with. when i have to pretend to be okay. when...

#000 #it is soooo overwhelming to be hypersensitive #why do i have to feel everything so profoundly #its like carrying both a curse & a blessing at the same time #........

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