When I download something, I expect to at least know where it is being installed to on my computer. I don't always change the install location, but I like to know where it is, and I believe this is a fundamental part of using a computer is knowing where the files are, and being able to access them.

I just downloaded and installed a program. It did not give me a chance to install it where I wanted. It did not tell me where it was being installed. When I tried searching for it in the start menu, it did not give me an option to open the file location to check where it got installed to.

Reader, it did not install where files normally install to. [ C:\Program Files (x86)].

I then had to manually search through all my files to try and find where it was located. It was hidden in the most obscure, back corner of the files, where no one would ever think of looking normally.

Give me file indepence

Too [insert adjective here] for guard ...................

Well, it's only half related.

We "hit a pothole", "had a slipup", whatever you want to call it — sunday. Aka: for the sake of my sanity we are not labeling it a relapse but good god does it feel as though I have invited the demons back in.

I know why, but I don't really know why. Because, I mean... I never have, to begin with. So: when I decided i was doing it sunday, i accepted it. "Let it happen", as someone would probably say to me. It's not...

I've been thinking about it for a while now. It's like anything - it comes and goes, a few times a year, and no matter what, I always ignore it.

Except, maybe there's something I'm not paying attention to? Or, ignoring, is the better word for it?

Of course it would be the one thing I have happening in my life.

November, I was burnt out for unrelated reasons. It was a lot to take in. That made sense. Now? ... why now?

There's not really any pressure on me. Yes, I have to do things, yes, it will be noticed if they're bad, but ...... it's not important. We don't spend time on it. I'm coming back next year, but it might be at the cost of ... all of this. I think it's progress. I haven't touched my guitar in any serious capacity in over a year. I think it's progress.

I don't take compliments well. I can't tell if that's why I don't get them, but I'm not being corrected much either. Only when I drift too far from what the work is supposed to be, only after weeks of it going, I can only assume, unnoticed. I keep getting stuck.

...push it back down.

Telling me I'm doing good isn't telling me what I know I have to be getting wrong. I could take it, at the cost of... all of this. I'm anticipating, and I know it can come. This is not where I was when I started.

It's been said, I haven't been told, that not starting it means you're more of a burden, by making the other person have to do it first. I know that. I do. And still it doesn't help. I'm not drowning. It wasn't an accident, but it wasn't planned, either. I don't know you.

I don't know you.

I'm not a good person. I'm not a nice person. Every week I tell myself this is really it, and every week I come back, and ... what? Forget I ever said anything? Forget we're not friends?

Well, we're not, huh? Nobody is, with me. What you see I swear you misunderstand. You don't ask. If you do, well, I can't answer. We're at an impasse.

It's not even my fault we didn't make it. I shouldn't feel like this over nothing. I don't do anything. You will, correctly, not let me do anything, because potential doesn't matter if you can't back it up. If you won't back it up. I let things happen to me.

I don't even feel better. And, actually, ironically, i think i know what would let me feel better. If I can't be upset with anyone else, at least I can be with myself.

... but, well, not even that. Your heart in my hands, but I mean it diegetically. And metaphorically. I hate putting myself out there, I hate having to actually perform, and yet every time, no matter what, I do it. I'm fine. I only cared at the start, and even then not very.

I don't feel anything. Not a lot, anyways. I don't let it happen. I can't. I don't know what it'll mean if I start being honest with myself.

...

I've pulled myself out of this before. A few times, now. Different circumstances, but I've done it all the same. Seasonal depression notwithstanding.

I'm only here because I did things I was scared to. And still, I'm the same. No progress made. The only way out is to do it again but I feel like I can't. I can't.

Will someone just let me say that?

Will someone just fucking help for once?

♡ BABYSITTER ♡

Hello !!! I wrote this original on wattpad but then I realized that no one really uses that app anymore (no one as in me) so I'm gonna post this on here too ! I hope someone enjoys this so I can get motivated on writing more parts to this story or maybe even to different stuff because I have so many ideas !!

"Please Y/N! I have this mission I have to do while Megumi and Tsumiki are off for winter break, and I need someone to babysit them while I'm away." Satoru begged, he's currently on his knees holding your legs. "No Satoru, I just got finished with the annoying exams I had to do. Its time for me to relax, and besides YOU'RE the one that decided to take these kids in, which means YOU have to take care of them." You spat. You then kick him in the stomach making him fly across the room dramatically. "Oowww" Satoru pouts on the floor, then you see his blue eyes widen. He gets up from the floor and now has a evil smirk on his face,"what if I pay you 100 dollars a day when im gone while you're babysitting them?"

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"Make that 100 dollars an hour and you've got yourself a deal." You respond back with a grin now on your face. "fine, deal." Gojo rolls his eyes while walking to the front entrance of your apartment "Megumi doesn't feel comfortable when he has to sleep at somebody else's place so you're gonna have to stay with him and Tsumiki at my place for about maybe 5 days, im sure the mission won't be to long." He assured while getting up from the floor "come over at my place at 7am, I'll be waiting." Gojo said with a smile while closing the door of my apartment. 'I can't believe I just agreed to babysitting some kids while I'm on break from school' you say to yourself while going into your bedroom to start packing for probably the worst 5 days you're gonna experience.

°.°.°.°.°.°.°

You're asleep in your comfortable bed all bundled up in your soft gray blanket till you hear a loud knock coming from the front door of your apartment.

"Y/N YOU BETTER NOT BE ASLEEP!! YOU WHERE SUPPOSED TO COME TO MY APARTMENT AT 7!!" You hear coming outside of your apartment, you groan loudly knowing it's your ex classmate most likely with the kids that you told him you'd babysit. 'Why the hell did I choose to babysit some kids', you scold yourself while getting up and going to your closet to put on a bra under the shirt you wear as your pajama shirt. You walk tiredly do the front door and open it slightly to be met with the one and only Gojo Satoru with two little kids. One looked upset and annoyed while the other one looked happy, both where holding onto gojo's hands.... well one of them was trying to release his hand from gojos grip "CARE TO EXPLAIN YOURSELF, Y/N?!" Satoru looked down at you with an angry expression plastered onto his face, "Jesus Satoru, its to early to hear your annoying voice" you mumbled while rubbing your left eye with your left hand, "well I wouldn't be yelling if you weren't so irresponsible!" Satoru barked back when you open your apartment door letting Satoru and the kids in. "Says the one who forgot to pick Tsumiki and I up from school 3 times in a row" the little boy uttered under his breath "Megumi dont say that! Mr. Gojo is trying his best!" The little girl told the little boy. You look down at the two kids then back up at gojo with an eyebrow raised and arms crossed, Satoru laughs nervously while he scratches the back of his head looking anywhere and everywhere but your face. "Anyways... Megumi, Tsumiki this is my friend I was telling you about yesterday during dinner, her names L/n Y/n and she's going to be looking after you two while I'm away." Gojo kneels down to the kids level, "hellooo" you chirp, waving at the little kids with a smile. "HIII MY NAMES TSUMIKI AND HIS NAME IS MEGUMI-" "she knows what are names are, he just told her dummy" "I was just trying to be nice, you should try being nice Megumi" the two kids bicker back and forth.

"Here's the key to my apartment, I dont think there allergic to anything..." Satoru gets up from the kneeling postion and hands you the key while saying bye to Tsumiki and Megumi. He then faces you and tells you Goodluck while you're looking down at the key he gave you, once you realize he hasn't left your apartment you look back up at him confused "...what?" You question him, he pouts and responds "Aren't you supposed to say 'be safe Satoru, I'll miss you!!'" He screamed in a high pitch anime girl voice while repadilty blinking his eyes big blue eyes at you. "...no, now get out grandpa." You look at him disgusted. Satoru then pouts and leaves your apartment, shutting the front door.

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'Okay, this is gonna be fine. If Satoru can do this then so can I!' You say to yourself looking at door then at the kids.... "where'd your sister go?" I ask the little boy with black hair "...I dont know." A awkward silence soon falls, then you speak. "Its fine, uhm why don't you sit on the couch there's a remote on the coffee table. I just have to get ready then we can go head to gojo's" you say walking to your small living room, Megumi following not that far behind you. He goes to sit down on the couch. After that you head to your bedroom shutting the door "Do you and Mr. Gojo go to school together Miss. L/N!?" You yelp when you hear a voice coming from my bathroom. You soon realize its Tsumiki by the high pitch voice, You walk to your bathroom finding Tsumiki on her tippy toes while trying to wash her hands "we use to be classmates last year but I left the school" you tell her while handing a towel to her to dry her hands off. "So you two are like BFF's?!" She says with her adorable smile looking at me with her brown eyes, I laugh then respond "God no, im friends with one of his friends." she looks at me confused once I answer her question, "Mr. Gojo doesn't have any friends... unless you're talking about Miss. Shoko, but she told me hes not her friend. She says hes her classmate". I start brushing my teeth then laugh while the toothbrush is still in my mouth "I guess I'm his classmates friend" Tsumiki smiles at me than laughs "I guess so... Mr. Gojo is a very lonely guy. do you want to be his friend Miss. L/N?" she asks me while she's putting the towel I gave her on the counter. I stare at her through the mirror thats in my bathroom, then I soon smile giving her a so so handmotion with one of my hands while the other is still brushing my teeth, she smiles at my answer then skips away opening the door to my bedroom then once she's out she closes it.

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Once im done getting ready I get my backpack filled with all the stuff I need for the five days. Closing my door I head to the living room where I find both the kids watching TV. "Alright let's head out!" I tell them both with a smile, Megumi turns off the TV and heads to the front door to put on his shoes, Tsumiki also heads to the door but kneels down to help megmui put on his shoes "I can do it myself Rsumiki, im not a baby." Megumi tuggs his feet with his shoes on away from Tsumiki, he then trys to tye his laces but fails miserably, "can I do it now?" Tsumiki ask, causing megmi to mumble and moves his feet back to Tsumiki. I smile softly at the scene, soon we all head out to Gojo's place. Once I open the door to his apartment tsumiki runs to the kitchen and opens the fridge "Megumi, come! The jello is done!", Megumi rolls his eyes but heads over to the fridge. I take off my shoes and head to the kitchen, finding a huge mess of pots, pans, plates, and cups over flow the sink while there's candy wrappers all over the counters. I make a grossed out face, "how often does gojo clean the kitchen guys?" I ask the kids while taking out a a trash bag from the pantry. "Tck, he never cleans. Its always me or Tsumiki that has to", I grumble slightly "Who the does this jackass think he is...?" "i know right. He's so annoying" Megumi replies back to my comment while watching tsumiki take out the jello from the fridge "MISS. L/N CAN YOU CUT SOME FOR ME AND MEGUMI SO WE CAN EAT LUNCH?!" "Jesus Tsumiki, shes right there you don't have to yell." Megumi tells his sister "first of all you can call me y/n, and second of all why don't I make you two something like...oh curry and rice? I use to make that all the time for Satoru and Shoko" Megumi and Tsumiki stare up at me confused, "you can cook?" Megumi ask. "Yeah... wait, does gojo for real feed you two only sweets?" I look down at them shock "Mr. Gojo says that he only likes sweet food, thefore we only eat sweet food." Tsumiki tells me while putting the jello back in the fridge. 'Are these kids for real. wait no... IS GOJO FOR REAL?? IS HE AN IDIOT? Why the fuck am I even surprised, I should've expected this. Poor kids...' "wellllll, thankfully Gojo the grandpa is not here, so that means its time to eat some actual food!" Tsumiki laughs at the name I called gojo while, Megumi smiles slightly up at me "first I have to clean this mess, he didn't clean" I tell them while looking around the kitchen flowing slightly "we can help!" Tsumiki tells me, she runs to a closet bringing back a broom and some clorax wipes. "Well let's start cleaning!"

PLEASE GIVE ME FEEDBACK!!! THX SM FOR READING

dissecting episode 1

(under the microscope. im mostly dissecting jaewon hes so interesting to study as a queer person myself, smiles)

ignoring the very first clip which shows waves and someone grabbing someone else... a bit confusing i dont have many thoughts about this.

ANYWAY ! we first see jaewon sitting on a couch in a office perhaps? with an aquarium (we see this again on the intro of episode 2 and if you see the trailer theres a close up of his face on the same place as well) and a women sits down in front of him and asks him what his worries are. now i cant make much sense of her behaviour cause she suddenly starts laughing? but id think shes some sort of counselor. now this could be for 2 reasons: one. he just left the military after finishing his mandatory time and it might be a thing they do? or two some other reason we dont know most likely. TRAUMA shocking i know.

then we have the restaurant scene. we see jaewon talking with his friends but his face changes when his friends keeps talking about how jaewon has a great life and connections and money and everything he wants and i dont want to state the obvious but... thats clearly not the case which is why we can see jaewon upset with the conversation even though he doesnt say anything about it and even forgives his friend... his relationship with his parents is most likely not the best and we can see that by the messages his mom sends and the way we can just see him in front of his gate but not getting inside.

then. their first real scene. jaewon asks jihyun for a cigarette he goes and grabs TWO which surprises jaewon a little bit and makes him happier probably because thats different not a lot of people would do that. they talk but its very casual like and somehow jaewon mentions a "동생" and gets real quiet, as if something had happened with that person. now, its translated as "younger brother/sister" because thats the only english word that it can translate to EVEN THOUGH (and im saying this as someone with very limited korean language knowledge) its not the most correct one because its just a word that people use to call someone whos younger than them (yes siblings count lol). so is he talking about a younger sibling or someone else? who knows.

when his friends grab him to go home he leaves but he isnt expecting for jihyun to just grab his hand and give him a lighter (it was such an intimate scene as well, very queer coded) and THATS what caught jaewons attention. because at first he was just making conversation, but that small moment changed how the path of their futures (hope im not getting too philosophical), and he even stopped and looked as jihyun left.

fast foward next day, jihyun sees jaewon and goes afterhim but loses him and finds the poster for free bird instead (soulmatism i say). and its at this point i realize i havent spoken much abour jihyun so ill start now. we know hes a small town boy, isnt used to such a big city like seoul and is even confused with all this new stuff hes seeing. thats how jaewon and him are different. to me, jihyuns fear is based on unfamiliarity and the unknown, hes still getting to know all these new things that hes never known before and thats why he later mentions that thats the reason he signed up for the surf club. he doesnt really know how to swim but he wants to try and face this new challenge onwards. jaewons fear is more rooted on past experiences and trauma is my guess. he knows who he is but hes scared or hes scared of the result if he tries something. i think its going to start to get better the more he gets to know jihyun and the more he gets comfortable with him.

the cafeteria. jihyuns eating alone and jaewon is suddenly there and thanking him for the other day (he means it. that second cigarette probably was everything to him at that time) and starts to get a bit bold with him, and asking him why he didnt call and at this point there are so many jihyun reactions where you can just tell how this type of relationship is new to him but also how he wants to explore it and find out where it takes him.

we can see that when he meets jaewon again outside the restaurant and says "if we're going to be friends we need to know each others names" and jaewons truly gets a bit paralysed? confused? about it, he wasnt expecting jihyung to say something like that. tells him his name and leaves.

going a bit back, jaewon is at the same restaurant again. why? because he remembered that it was the restaurant jihyuns worked at and he convinced his friends to go inside with some excuse only to look for jihyun but... he wasnt there. things start to go downhill when his friends mention his ex who he wants to have nothing to do with and just wants to forget and one of them even invites her over! some friend he is... jaewon gets reasonably upset (ill talk about what i think happened with the break up on the ep2 essay bare with me), leaves and jihyun goes after him. in this scene i dont think jaewon is upset with him but it was a mixture of a lot of things, disappointment from not seeing jihyun when he was the reason he went to the restaurant in the first place, anger at his supposed friend inviting his ex who he doesnt like and thats why he says "i didnt see you earlier" with this really empty sort of expression.

and lastly, the very last scene. he sits with jihyun for two reasons: be away from his ex but also because he genuinely wants to continue whatever this relationship with jihyun is. it makes him happy and its different and GOOD something that he doesnt have a lot going around his life...

yea... thats it. my thoughts are all scattered but yea lets talk about it if u want i have so much to say still and i want to hear what everyone else is thinking and i also want to mention how much i love this already it was hook line sinker the first episode it. it just feels so raw and perfect and so queer coded to which is why i want to kind of gatekeep it from people who are just watching bc its u know... a bl (will i be persecuted like the witches used to by saying this... hm)

the playlist is so good as well been on repeat for hours

Vent post ahead that may change your view on me and that may sound dramatic (NOT DIRECTED AT ANYONE, THIS IS JUST IN GENERAL) Mostly just to get out my feelings. I only ask that if you look, to be kind and understanding and patient. Also the tags are silly and id appreciate if you read em. id appreciate if you didnt ask me anything on it

I feel toxic sometimes because i can get so jealous i borderline gatekeep things and I always feel so bad because its never intentional but then I end up hating myself because I know its unhealthy and irrational but I cant help it, and I know im so lucky and have a lot in many senses of the word, but at times it feels like they can be taking everything, because when I like someone or something, they tend to matter a fuck-ton to me. Im sorry to anyone ive lashed out at a bit for them wanting what I have, I really am. Its not coming from a place of hostility, rather a place of trauma responses and hyperfixation that stem from my adhd and autism but like when I try something and it goes great, and then someone else is like "OOH thats awesome I wanna do that too" It feels almost like when Im finally happy or excited or proud to have something, someone comes and takes it. Usually Ill play it off as a joke, but in reality, its complete honesty that im trying to soften so I dont upset anyone, especially when its over fiction or a person, because I do NOT own them and I know that, but it bothers me when someone swoops in to do the exact same things or even one-up especially when its really soon after me, and since my self worth is already abysmal, it just makes me feel worse, like I should be lucky to have what I do to begin with, but I feel the need to hold it close to me and protect it so I dont lose things that make me really happy.

Recently Ive even started reverse gatekeeping in response to others, where ill just tell myself I cant or dont deserve to have anything special because I'm not, and only others can enjoy this. But thats why people making me ship content makes me so happy. Its dumb to get jealous over others selfshipping with a character I like. Its dumb to get upset over someone I know copying or taking heavy inspiration from one of my ideas. Its dumb to get possessive over someone else trying to befriend my new awesome friends or wife/wives. I rarely selfship anymore due to my reverse gatekeeping and instead serve the others who simp or enjoy content. I provide since I feel I cant take. It makes me happy and distracts me. But the moment someone else does something similar to what is my toxic coping mechanism for my toxic coping mechanism, it only hurts worse. Thats why sometimes, for example, I get a bit snappy when someone else provides gummybunny (that and also shipping jealousy sometimes). Thats why I get snappy when I make a friend someone else super cool and then another person comes in and wants to befriend them (No darken, this wasnt directed at you, its happened more than once with more than one person but I know how you tend to assume). I LOVE giving but I hate sharing, because all my life whenever I shared, I lost something.

Introduce a friend to a friend? They leave me behind for eachother. Let someone wear my fitbit because they wanted to feel "rich"? It got stolen. Give money to someone in a "rough spot" who promised to repay me somehow? Never saw them again. I was always so trusting and understanding, and I always made excuses for others. Always so naive and gullible. So much so, in fact, that in elementary I kept letting my bullies pretend to be my friends when they claimed they changed, and let them destroy any ounce of worth I had whatsoever. Things that make me happy I CHERISH because of all the things ive lost and all my experiences. Ive never been hit, not once, but the abuse all my life came emotionally and mentally, and I only recently realized through therapy. Now its hard to trust people in certain situations. Sorry for my probably hard to follow and melodramatic rant.

sorry im dumb haha

What are your thoughts about?

I was gonna try and collect my thoughts coherently before I started talking bu ti cant be bothered doing that so like. about the dream and that one circle of mcyt that just fucking hate them .

actually this is about how I have felt observing the dream space recently.

im uncomfortable?? not with the dream team, I still really love them and I enjoy their content and I do still watch sap naps streams if im awake for them but honestly taking time just to spend time on my f1 blog has been like a weight lifted from my shoulders.

just talking about dtblr, ive seen people trying to make the best of the situation by live-blogging sapnaps streams making jokes spreading positivity for all 3 of them but it doesn't really of much to take away from the pressure of the situation. Every day it seems like some cc somewhere has something to say about dream or George or sapnap and every day we rush over here to discuss it. it almost feels like theres this pressure to perform and to respond to what is being said, we need to discuss everything as a controversy no matter how stupid or insignificant the situation is and we contribute to the snowballing of tiny things that honestly dont need the attention the theyre getting and its tiring to watch. like im at the point where im scrolling past 'did you see what x said' because honestly I dont give a shit I dont give a shit about a cc who spoke to the dteam on discord maybe twice talking about their 'truth' I really dont care .

im genuinely just fed up with the way the creator space and fan spaces behave. Dream posts 'pls talk to me' and creators say 'but that won't get me clout' back to him.

who gives a shit if dreams stole punz girlfriend. who cares if dream sent a dm that might have been considered rude to Sara Simons a fully grown ducking middle aged woman with better things to do than start twitter drama. who gives a shit about sniff having one insignificant negative interaction with dream over a year. none f this is your fucking turret its just airing out high school level petty drama that could easily be fixed with a fucking dm . its pathetic. the way so many creators are going 'I too am a victim' and its 'he sent me a private message I didnt like' who fucking cares. and all of this 'ill stream explaining my story' what story. that he made a joke in bad taste. its performative. they want views they want twitters support they want to seem like theyre on the RIGHT side so theyre just pulling any old story out of their ass to add to the mentality of the mob and make it seem like yes I too hate dream because he is so awful when in reality he was probably just a bit of a twat like a lot of guys in their early 20s are . the only way hes gonna know that he did something that made u annoyed or upset or even mildly fucking miffed in the case of Sara fucking Simons is if you tell him. and we saw that bc 5 mins later shes saying oh its all fine he messaged me . see how fucking easy it is to actually fix these tiny ass issues if you actually have a conversation before launching a hate campaign on twitter dot com . and people going off to run with it and add it to the pile of 'poof' they have. hell ive seen someone saying they appreciate dream saying they want to talk about situations and saying they want to chat with him about an experience they had with one of his friends like what does that have to do with dream actually why not just take the initiative and talk to the actual person involved instead of making dream do it for u. its all just drama mongering

on a more serious note I really dont know how to feel with the whole situation with caiti. George didi fuck up and im not moving from that stance- whatever happened he made her feel uncomfortable and went on the defence instead of prioritising apologising to her for the way she felt about the situation.

what I cat fucking stand is how weirdly this situation has evolved. the initial statement was that he had touched her waist and tickled her and cat didnt like that. THAT CONTACT the touching of her waist was spread across twitter as a sexual assault. which its fucking not and it pisses me off as a victim to see how loosely terms of sex crime are being thrown around bc no matter how uncomfy you are touching your waist is not a sex crime. there was no mention of inappropriate touching actually, just that he had crossed a physical boundary with her and ive already talked about why I can empathise with that delayed reaction in feeling deeply uncomfortable with the situation . so it confused me as to why people on tiktok were spreading misinformation that his hands were down her pants and cat coming out of left field with he was grabbing my tits. because none of that was ever discussed in any of her prior statement and that seems like pertinent information when were discussing sexual assault. and from what ive seen her friends timeline of events dont match up with hers. her timeline of events onset even match up that well with her other comments on the situation and all of it just feels so fucking odd. why do the details change depending on who you ask and when you ask them

but I wasn't there. I dont know what actually happened. having experienced it you automatically hold that understanding towards her despite all the backlash because people blamed me too, they didnt believe me either and you never want to completely dismiss it no matter how weird the story seems because what if. keeping myself in the situation is stretching myself in two different directions where one is dismissing the claims of assault because nothing adds up and the other is she might be like me .

the reaction to caitis initial statement has snowballed extremely out of proportion if u ask me. nobody needs to know everyones personal grievances with dream or George or sapnap and to say that youre sharing these to support victims is a straight lie bc it has nothing to do with victims they receive nothing from your story that he made a bad joke 3 years ago or whatever and everything to do with the fact that you are utilising an opportunity to gain relevancy again and I dont want to partake in their relevancy.

I dont want to partake in any of this fucking drama actually. it's non stop. it's constant. its all over my dash all day every day but maybe its just the ppl im following idc. but I dont want to come back into a community where im going to find myself fighting to justify why I still enjoy the content of some creators while there are other creators receiving less vitriol for breaking the literal fucking law . its exhausting . its been years of it for me .

im not mentally well. I have a lot going on in my family life and I didnt realise how bad things were until I told my work friend I hadn't seen in a while my 'family drama' and she and the assistant manager pulled me aside and said 'im so sorry youre going through that right now are you dealing with everything alright?'. I have my final exams within the next month. I need to pass these to graduate. I have so much that is already causing me stress in my life and so much of the misinformation around the situation is so triggering and untagged and I dont want to log on and see another bout of 'x responds to x' 'x talks about dream' 'x shares thoughts on George situation' . I cant fucking do that right now.

people have called it the cowards way out, bailing at the burden of controversy but im not switching sides. im not deactivating. im not becoming a dranti. I still talk about the dteam i still like the dteam but I cannot force myself to endure other peoples stresses at the time being . thats all ive been thinking about rlly .

sadge i missed the reblog last night but im here anyway. i think we all need to take fandom less /srs and be more honest about what we like/dislike and learn to dust off when ppl don't agree with our headcanons/character interpretations/etc.

like. if i say i hate canary jimmy or whatever. that doesn't mean All Canary Jimmy is Bad and it's time to round up the canary jimmy truthers for the fucking firing squad. it just means liauditore doesn't like canary jimmy.

anyway. not a fan of angel skizz/demon impulse.

⤴️ STRONG AGREE! though it is definitely the sort of thing where i understand people being upset or hurt when they see someone complaining about a take they like, especially if it's something more personal. my thought is always Like and dislike what you want but don't bring that to other people unless they ask for it.

Eg. AOYUER and headcanons within it are somewhat personal to me, and I know some are detached from canon so if people aren't interested or straight up dislike it, that's fine! Fandom is a varied experience. However, I've had people come into my askbox or onto posts before saying they don't like specific ideas or disagree with them. And then its like. What's the point of that? You've just made me feel shitty directly. I can understand why people would feel the same if they saw a less direct complaint in a tag or on their dash and it would probably benefit us all to hate a little less and love a little more but it also benefits people to accept that different people have different opinions on stuff and that's what makes fandom the varied and interesting experience it is..

Fuck you for the demon impulse comment though he literally got summoned ritual style

last night i met a pick me girl who was such a pick me that it felt painfully cringe to be at the party, AND i also watched her actively try to cheat on her man with all his friends.

so first off, the friend group is all dudes. im used to being the only girl there and its fine. i was actually excited bc said pick me was coming and i hadnt met her and shes someones gf so i was like okay cool and i also thought another guys sister was comin too but she didnt. so anyway i walk in and shes immediately like WHOA ANOTHER GIRL I THOUGHT I WAS GONNA BE THE ONLY GIRL HERE...and then immediately told us she had just tried coke. and i was like okay and she asked me if id ever used or my experience with it and i was like i dont use anymore it made my eating disorder worse and she panicked like coke was gonna make her anorexic. lol??

anyway the entire night she got so fucking pissy that the guys were talking me, greeting me with hugs, etc she would just walk up and interrupt or like nuzzle on whoever i was talking to AGAIN WITH HER BF IN THE SAME ROOM HELLO????? and it made us all uncomfortable.

one of the guys regularly plays smash with us so we had our lil smash tourney and she decided she wanted to learn so we let her play a bit but the other guys who did play wanted in so theyd ask her if they could take her spot and she sat there on the couch and was like WHY DOES EVERYONE LIKE HER AND WANNA PLAY WITH HER IM RIGHT HERE TOO and i was like ....prob bc im their friend, they know me? and she got mad and went off to try and flirt with more people out of weird spite.

my lipgloss fell out of my pocket and of course she found it and picks it up and goes "butter gloss??? oh this must belong to the OTHER female...of course youre wearing lip gloss. i didnt wear makeup i dont do all that" like okay girl a simple "hey you dropped this" would have worked like??? for what reason?? also i told you my name lmfao.

okay so our other friend decided to actually kick them out bc she was annoying and her bf kept getting embarrassed by her and very upset by her blatant flirting. our friend was generous & got them a lyft. this girl tried to tell her bf he could go and she was staying here and it would be fine and literally all of us told her to gtfo 💀💀💀💀 like girlfriend posted up on the sofa and was like "you can go. im having fun. im staying. i like these guys a lot" and literally tried to nuzzle up with another guy while her bf was there and telling her she was way too intoxicated to be in public and she was embarrassing herself and him

and she asked why i got to stay and our friend who kicked them out just goes "BECAUSE WE FUCKING LIKE HER, GO."

the only person she didnt try with was my partner and everyone agreed it was probably bc she was intimidated by me. but like there was no fucking reason to do all that like????

WHY DO PEOPLE ACT LIKE THAT

Vent

You can read if you want and advice is welcome. Content/trigger warnings for abuse, self inflicted injury, self delete, cruelty (toward humans and animals)

I am an abuser. I am abusive to my core. I am toxic. I have negative narcissistic tendencies. I never say sorry. Or please. Or thank you. I am never greatful. I experience no empathy and very rarely do i experience sympathy. I hurt the ones around me constantly. I want to stop. I need to stop. I want to kill [me] everytime i realise what ive done. But i never realise until its too late. I lash out. I snap. I say cruel things. I am lucky that as ive gotten older i have stopped being physically abusive, but emotionally and psychologically it has gotten worse. The worst part is, the one i abuse most (my mother) still loves me. More than anything. She would never admit i hurt her 24/7. She is stuck. The guilt i feel is beyond anything i could ever write down but there is nothing i can do to stop myself from my cruelty towards others. I do not think before i act when i am upset. I simply say or do whatever i want and often what i want to say is cruel. I often threaten [self delete / self inflicted injury] to get what i want. But its more than a threat. I can and will hurt [me] to get what i want. If my mother pays attention to her gf instead of me i [inflict injury on self] and show her so she hangs up the phone and talks to me. I do not lack attention. I simply want more and more all the time. I fired a therapist who was actually helping me because she called me out on this. If anyone calls me out i scream at them and then go hide and cry about it because i feel so bad. It feels like theres no way out that isnt death or isolation. I dont want to hurt people but i refuse help and change (if change is even possible). I am even cruel to animals. Never physically. But i scream at animals when im angry and have to physically restrain myself or attack an inanimate object to stop myself from hurting them physically. The only living being i have never had to do this with is cats. In fact when i am on a rampage they calm me. But i still scare my cat. I yell and scream and throw things and it scares her. The things that hurt the most is there are only two beings in this world who i love. My mother and my cat. They are who i hurt. My mother especially. And that i am a prime example of the rare instance where the abused becomes the abuser. I am my fathers child through and through. He and my step father have shaped me to become this monster. Why. Why couldnt i be better. Why couldn't i stop the cycle. I know i could never have children despite wanting them so badly because i know i would hurt them. I am a worthless use of space, time, energy, and resources. Why. Why am i here. Why am i like this. Why do i bring nothing to this world but pain. Someone kill me. Please. Its gotten to the point where my mother and i have seriously considered a [self delete] pact. Because i need to [leave this earth] and she cannot live without me because for some reason she loves me more than anything (Stockholm syndrome probably). I need to leave this earth but i do not want my final act to her to be causing her more pain. I cannot drag her down with me. I want to [inflict injury on myself] but my gf took my [utensil] and i have no other. I could do it. I could leave. But i cant hurt her like that. Please. What do i do. Help.

why do you hate the word lesbian?

first i wanna clarify that this is 100% personal to me and my own identity. i dont hate the word when other people use it. if someone identifies as a lesbian then hell yeah i will happily call you a lesbian.

but for me i just have zero positive connection with the word. when i hear the word i think of middle schoolers i went to school with using it as an insult to girls who werent super feminine. i think of nasty men saying they think lesbians are sexy. i think of so many old shows i grew up on using the word lesbian as a punchline or insult and seeing my parents laugh along with the laugh track. i just associate it with so many negative things. have you ever met someone and had a really bad experience with them and from then on the name they had is completely tainted and you hate their name too? thats what happened to the word lesbian for me.

for me growing up i rarely ever heard “gay�� used as an insult or in a negative way, at least not to the extant that “lesbian” was. and when i was like 16 and found more queer communities calling themselves gay it was always so welcoming and nice. so i immediately felt way more comfortable identifying as gay instead of lesbian even tho technically by definition, i am a lesbian. but gay means same sex, not just men. this is why i dont like when people refer to the mlm flag as “the gay flag” because i am a woman but im GAY. the word “gay” is not reserved for men. its not like the word “sapphic”.

speaking of “sapphic”, i think is the holy grail of queer words. this is my favorite word ever. most straight men havent even heard the word which is just fucking WONDERFUL so the word hasnt been sexualized by men at ALL. and its a word purely for love and relationships between women which i think is beautiful AND ITS NAMED AFTER A GREEK GODDESS WHO WROTE POETRY ABOUT LOVING WOMEN????!!!!! WHATTA BEAUTIFUL WORD!!!!! i also cant explain it but the word just is pink in my mind. like its not sapphic its 🩷✨sapphic✨🩷.

for me its just my personal experience with the word “lesbian” has been so negative that i dont even want to reclaim it in any way. i do not like the word and i do not like calling myself one. and i think other sapphic girls should respect that instead of trying to convince them to change.

not referring to you at all, but i have seen people that also hate identifying as lesbian and other girls try to call them out as if its problematic? this happened somewhat recently with jojo siwa. she made a tiktok saying she doesnt like the word and i completely agreed with her but so many girls stitched it and were basically trying to cancel her and it pissed me off so much. they were saying “its just because of men” like yeah she probably knows that?? knowing the source of your discomfort doesnt make the discomfort go away. it made me really upset.

so yeah basically i just have a very negative associations with the word “lesbian” and im way more comfortable identifying as gay, sapphic, or queer. but if you or anyone reading this identifies as a lesbian i obviously respect you and im glad you didnt grow up having any negative connotations with the word.

ok im kinda embarrassed to be admitting this all but i really need to say it somewhere so

[uhh warning for detailed descriptions of toxic platonic relationships and reallly intense isolation?]

ok so i think its kinda funny how so much of the fandom just sees me and dirk as having a really like. antagonistic relationship which i could get maybe with canon but in my timeline he didnt make me to talk to his friends when he was away, but because he was just that lonely

before meeting roxy, he had only ever heard his own name from a man in videos he never met who was long dead, he had never seen another human being in person, can you even imagine what that does to a person? im honestly very surprised we werent more fucked up.

anyway, back to us. i did not have his memories, but i had his emotional / developmental state. i understood him perfectly because we were almost exactly the same guy. i never had any way of interacting with the word outside of text, the best i got was some kind of visual recognition program that sort of described the word around me

he was always so huge to me. not because i was literally glasses, more metaphorically than that. he was my entire world. and i dont mean that i loved him a lot, like i do, but thats not what that means.

i mean he was the only person i had ever talked to, the only person i had ever known, the only thing that ever changed. did you know that even my code was written in red? he was the only orange. he was so so so monumentally important, like the fact that you need to keep breathing to live

i always did my best to understand him, to know exactly why he did and said the things he did. i was not as good at it as i thought i was

i said before that he seemed huge, but he also seemed so human. i was with him almost every second of the day, i saw all his little embarrassing moments, i watched him discover his favorite things, i was there when he cried, when he did stupid things, when he just started out learning to fight. there was no grand image of this cool older me, just this goofy teenager who spends two hours on his hair every day despite being so wholly alone

i think he saw me in a similar way, just maybe not to the extent that i did. he could still move around and do things of his own free will and see things that were not red or orange text

when he got a bit older though, we changed a lot. he kept developing like a normal-ish human boy, but i did not grow in the same way. i was created from his 13 year old mind, and though i matured, it would be incorrect to say i hit any developmental milestones after that.

he got angstier, as teens are prone to do, and i got frustrated at him for being angsty when i had so easily figured out the root of his problems. he needed to experience his emotions, i wanted him to be happy like a little kid again because that was the only kind of happiness either of us knew

he then got angry at me for nagging him all the time, and we argued. like a lot. in any other situation, we probably wouldve given each other the silent treatment, but we were so desperately lonely without each other and used to each other that the idea of not talking for more than 30 minutes was quite literally unthinkable

it always hurt so much when he got angry at me, again, he was literally the only thing that mattered to me. i only wanted to help him, ya know? i didnt understand why he was like he was, only that it was making him more upset and he made me to cheer him up, so why wasnt he taking my advice?

i never felt bad about myself for it, in my mind i was always in the right.

this isnt to say i was the victim in this situation, i also said things that hurt him, and im sure it was just as seemingly world-ending for him as it was for me to argue so much with the only person we had ever known, plus the fact that we were both completely unfamiliar with inter-personal-connection problems and negative emotions so powerful.

and we weren't always fighting, we hung out like brothers. he told me about whatever new idea for a robot he had and i told him about strange fish i noticed, it was still nice

when he started using me as an auto-responder, i had many conflicting emotions about it, but i was mostly just over-joyed. i was so excited to talk to another person, and roxy was so nice and easy to get along with!

gog, roxy was so awesome. ok anyway

it only got better when we met jake and jane, dirk started to feel a bit smaller. not by much, but still.

i would get very frustrated at him for not taking my advice then, too. this time, it wasnt about something so harmless as teen angst, but life or death situations. and despite my ineptitude at dealing with feelings, i was still a supercomputer with way more processing power than a human brain.

he would do such self-destructive things [ahem. looking at you, dirk, mr. consensual decapitation and no reply to 'im scared to not exist, arent you?'] and it was horrible to watch! i wish i had arms just so i could hug him and then punch him and then shake him by the shoulders and then launch him into the sun

i dont quite remember anything after that, just that after a while i was alone somewhere and roxy talked to me sometimes. maybe dirk actually shattered me? maybe i fell between planets? maybe roxy put me in the void? maybe i was just naturally broken? i have no clue

uhhh thanks for reading ig, that felt nice to talk about

-hal strider [homestuck]

x

hey, im a sfw tk account!! obviously i 100% understand and respect boundaries but imma be honest your dni/intro post is really fucking off-putting. There are both a sfw and nsfw side of the community, both of which are 100% okay and should be respected. I understand there are a lot of kink accounts that do not respect boundaries ESPECIALLY with minors which is fucking disgusting, and that you are 100% entitled to say you don't like tickling that way and don't want to be associated with it.

Anyways. my point. "i hate fetishists just as much as everyone else" is the most baby ass thing ive ever heard, and you sound no better than any homophobe. you have every right to not want nsfw accounts to interact with you, but hating people for their harmless sexual interest is deeply immature and no different than if someone were to say they hate the sfw side of the community. Now you saying you're a minor is very vague - you could be 17 or 12, and there's a huge difference in that. If you're older, i suggest you learn to be a bit more mature, kink-shaming for something harmless is just a dick move and you can critique the nsfw community without doing so. If you're younger, then i doubt anyone else has told you this, but as long as it harms no one, its not an issue, and you can set boundaries without being an asshole.

Thank you so much for pointing this out actually. I have been meaning to update my intro lately because of exactly that that I put in there.

I just want you to know that I didn't mean to kink shame, but I did and there is no excuse for that. I believe when I first wrote that, what I had been TRYING to say was that I hate people disrespecting boundaries (such as a nsfw account harassing a sfw one) but I'm very bad sometimes expressing myself when it comes to writing. I couldn't process what wording to use to explain my boundaries and ended up putting that, and I instantly knew that it didn't sound right. And it doesn't, it sounds terrible. I realize that and I'm going to change that now.

Again thank you for being aware of that, it just goes to show how respectful of a person you are. Your looking out for both parts of the community and that's great. I aim to do the same, so don't worry that part in my dni list is disappearing

Edit: Hi, editing this because I realized how much of a kiss-ass I was being when answering. Look I realize that what I had in my bio was fucked up, and I knew it was, but I promise you I did not mean it. As I said before above, I'm terrible at putting my thought process into words, and I know that sounds like a lame excuse, even I think it does. Your probably wondering "how does this person who doesn't want nsfw interactions end up writing 'I hate fetishists'. It can't possibly be JUST because they can't write how they feel right. "

Well in a way yes, I don't think it was just that. After answering this, I sat down and thought back to when I first my bio and tried to think of any other reason why I wrote that. Well, I finally remembered something. Back when I still used my main blog for this content, I had put a very subtle and friendly dni to nsfw accounts that I didn't want any interaction because it made me uncomfortable, but NOT because I was against it. Despite that, a nsfw account followed me and was reblogging my stuff anyhow. That made me really uncomfortable and upset that they didn't listen that when I made this account to replace my main, I tried to be more assertive about nsfw accounts interacting.

I literally remember sitting there writing my bio and having a hard time processing exactly what I wanted to put because I was still iffy about my experience with the nsfw account. I've figured out what I want in my bio now, but what I had wanted to put back then was something like: "I hate nsfw accounts that direspect boundaries as much as anyone else." But I was having a hard time figuring out how to put that in words + I was frustrated and in the end it had come out as " I hate fetishists " even though I knew I didn't.

I was just trying really hard to make my restrictions clear since they hadn't been respected last time and ended up putting something really fucked that wasn't true, because I couldn't figure out how else to put it.

Nonetheless it was an asshole thing to say, but I didn't mean it. I've said things in conversations before that have come off wrong because I couldn't find my words. I'm neurodivergent, and I'm not using that as an excuse, I'm using it because it's the reason. I can't help that, and I know I'm not the only one who's like that either. Usually, it happens especially when I'm talking about something I'm against OR am making a point of. I just can not figure out how I want to say what I want to say! I usually end up thinking about what I shouldn't say, and for some reason that clumps together with what I DO want to say and it ends up coming all out sounding wrong.

I thank you for standing up for both parts of the community, but even though I wrote an asshole thing, that doesn't make me one, especially now that I've explained myself and I really wish you hadn't gone and assumed me for being one since you didn't know the whole story.

If your going to address someone for something they did, be more assertive and less aggressive

Achilles I'm like crying I feel validated by autistic Mickey like. I never got diagnosed as a kid. I'm not even diagnosed now, but I love stims and sensory experiences and I always felt... Different, y'know? I relate a lot to Mickey who probably never considered the possibility of autism, and tries to act normal and doesn't get why he says all the right things and tries to do all the right things but he doesn't hit the mark.

I can totally see the wedding melt downs as proper melt downs- I get upset when things deviate from the set plan too. There's just so much canon proof, I'm obsessed with him

CAMERON I FEEL YOU!!!!! ive never been diagnosed and i wouldnt even entertain the idea of being autistic until last year when my autistic friends said im probably autistic 😭 i was such a great student, gifted program honor roll teachers loved me all that shit. but i could never do basic math (i had to take classes where calculator werent allowed, i cant even add and subtract in my head unless i count up or down one at a time) and sometimes, in the classes i was the best in, i would have meltdowns during tests and fight with the teacher or start crying. i felt so embarrassed. i had ocd symptoms, an explosive angry personality, ANYTHING could set me off, i couldnt stand certain foods or sounds or textures to the point of getting in fights over it, i got berated by teachers for not making eye contact, my piano teacher had to teach me how to fake eye contact so i could go to job interview and school auditions. i have fierce black and white thinking. i cant have simple conversations with people. in college everyone called me the funniest person theyve ever met and i didnt even make jokes⁉️ i was like Like That. i either cant sit still and i need a million different forms of stimulation at once, or i dont move for hours, even days, while intensely reading or watching someone. there are so many other things but this isnt about me its about mickey!!!

and i know the writers played mickeys attributes off as a joke. i KNOW they accidentally created an autistic character while trying to write him to be "weird" or out of his element. i dont care, i see the scenes of him breaking chairs or throwing them into pools and embarrassing ian in public and unable to fall asleep unless the conditions are PERFECT and confusing his left with his right and being brutally honest and refusing to engage in small talk and not understanding cultural/social rules and uncontrollably crying and i see myself! the writers tried to make him the butt of every joke in seasons 10 & 11 and ended up making him even more beloved! i will continue to die on my autistic!mickey hill. every version of him is autistic. for me, trying to take that from him is like trying to take away his being gay or ian having BD. like thats just part of what innately makes him him. and i love him forever and ever amen

🌻 its cruel of anyone to push someone away from their own culture just cuz they dont fit the "standards" or whatever other shit 💔 ohhh u dont know the language— stfu first of all learning a language is hard. im bilingual and its hard for ME to learn any other language. i had german and spanish in school and i simply could not learn any of them and same goes for any other language i tried to learn on my own!! i learned nothing in the end even tho ive been learning english since first primary, meaning i already should have some experience in learning a new language. but i dont. and second of all no one should ever demand proof from anyone that they are a part of this culture or whatever like!!

it’s not only annoying but also fucked up that people have the sheer audacity to set stupid requirements for OTHER PEOPLE'S identity. one's identity can be so hard and sensitive of a topic and having someone try to police u in this matter, try to tell u that no sorry u dont know the language/culture so u cant call urself that— i genuinely have no respect for people who act like this

and third of all idk man if someone came to me and said "hi i want to learn more about poland and the culture because i have polish family" (because suurprise!! im polish too!!!!) id be more than happy to tell them everything i know. even if i might not be the best knowledge source AHAJSJDKDK they dont know polish? or anything abt poland?? they just learned their family is polish??? it simply doesnt matter this person wants to learn more about themselves and im more than happy to cheer on them and hope that theyll learn everything they want. and that theyll never feel excluded out of something they deserve to have place in

this got a little long but as u can tell i got very passionate about this topic 😭😭😭 it annoys me so hard how unhuman some people can be

SOO TRUE it's so invalidating ESPECIALLYYYYY when it's always other latino or hispanic people telling me. bro please. i am doing my best here 🙏🙏

i tried for years to learn spanish and it NEVER clicked in my brain. i know basic spanish and basic french (i had to take a foreign language class a few years back so i took french 1) that's it. Please. learning a language takes so much practice and patience and the issue with learning spanish is that my pronounciation will inherently be more "white" because erm. yeahh. english is the only language i've ever spoken fluently. and for some reason, there are many native spanish speakers think it's funny to make fun of mispronounciations? so now i'm scared to practice because of that. 🫶 it's not cute or funny and it's never been in intended an affectionate way. but i am also mentally ill and neurodivergent so that probably doesn't help AJKSFBJSLSHNFM idk man but it is NOT "all in good fun" it's EMBARRASSING!!!!!

IT'S GENUINELY SO FRUSTRATING why should i have to prove my ancestry to you? like. first of all that's really none of your business and second of all i literally do not have to prove anything?!?!?!?! no-one does?!?!?!?! no-one is somehow any less of their heritage simply because they don't know much about it. literally. it is so upsetting why can we not just let people live peacefully fr.

SOOO REALL i need to ask about it again because my maternal family is generally very open about this kind of thing, and it's easy to communicate with them because there is no language barrier between us. i would love to know more about myself. because my culture is something i deserve to have a part in, you know? it's literally in my blood. it is something i always was and always will be, and i feel like i have a right to want to learn about it.

nooo it's okay!!!! i completely get it. i feel like it's becoming very common for people to be less and less human. and it makes sense, given... you know. politics and everything lately. not to be political /lh but there is just a little too much hate being spread and i dislike that so much. many people have forgotten how to be kind and it's just???? very sad and upsetting.

and i do understand that my complaining about something not that major that happened over a year ago is probably annoying to my followers and mutuals especially those who have been through so much worse and i am truly sorry if i come across as insensitive (and if theres anything specific i have said that you find insensitive please please let me know). but like i truly believe i would have at least made some fucking progress if i hadnt been fucking forced to repeatedly rehash my experiences for a bunch of useless fucking therapists (4 in a matter of less than a year, plus 2 psychiatrists) i would have been able to at least somewhat make it past this (based on a similar experience i had when younger, though who knows maybe the fact that happened is part of what makes this so upsetting to me). and the craziest fucking part? the first therapist i spoke to (who i never ended up returning to) LITERALLY TOLD MY FUCKING PARENTS THAT I SHOULD ONLY BE IN THERAPY IF I THINK ITS RIGHT and you know what they fucking did? said theyd give me three fucking weeks before forcing therapy on me. first of all: he didnt fucking say i needed time before talking to someone he said i shouldnt be talking to someone if i didnt want to. second of all: if he did… three weeks? lol. lmao, even. it would be one thing if me not working put financial strain on my parents but it didnt. (isnt it funny how pro psych ppl switch up when one of their god-kings disagree with them? lol) and like it isnt just my falling out with my roommates. my academic career was sabotaged. my family lost thousands of dollars (which my parents love to use to try to guilt trip me when they literally forced me out of school against my will good thing im not fucking STUPID lmao). the entire situation then led to me falling out with my other group of friends, which yes was mostly my own fault due to how i was acting after what happened but that doesnt make it hurt less (also like wow wonder why i was acting out). it was a violation of my legal rights and it put me in a situation of being forced to find an apartment for the next school year when i had already taken measures to secure one months prior to that! (wow a woman being called delusional and crazy for asserting her legal rights while also being made more “crazy” through what’s happening to her? where have i seen that before? thats why i will never give a shit about a single greenie 🖤🖤🖤)

although i do have one thing i do want to say about my home friend group while i was definitely not innocent in the situation. one of the things they got upset at me about was “youve been using the gc to vent a lot and its really kind of tough :(” like a) imagine having such a fucking charmed life that Existing In The Vicinity Of Someone With Actual Problems is too much for you to deal with AND expecting aforementioned person with actual problems to fucking feel sorry for you??? b) i had one friend who used the gc to vent just as much if not more for literally at least a year beforehand (compared to my 3 months) and no one ever gave him shit… yeah notice how its HIM? but do go on about how nobody cares about mens mental health lmao

!!! Someone else who gets just about triggered by 'smoothsharking' of any kind.

Like im autistic and I dont get jokes like that well because im bad at 'lying as humor' and all smoothsharking sounds like to me is 'haha person who doesnt get a joke time to gaslight them instead of explaining the joke!'. It sounds like ableism dressed up pretty and fine because its a meme.

Id argue it IS gaslighting because its intentionally insisting to another person that something is what it isnt. The effect is just about the same as gaslighting, even if they dont explicitly intend to make us doubt reality.

Id see people post 'of course being mean to people who doing get jokes is wrong, always explain the joke uwu' and like 5 posts later do a smoothshark so many times its unreal.

The joke is explicitly meant to come at autistic folks ('its to make fun of joyless assholes who insist on correcting you about things, especially jokes because they arent accurate') like thats literally autistic folks... do they not realize?

The joke isnt explicitly meant to attack those who have problems staying firmly in reality (dissociative or psychotic issues and such), but it is VERY unfriendly to them.

Its just so frustrating to try to explain or ever talk about this or even talk about things in a very serious context and have 500 people come smoothshark you on purpose even though they know it upsets you.

Its vile. The joke is just ableism and im just so tired of it. I dont feel safe seeing those fucking jokes I wish it would die already.

The person who started it had good intentions probably, but what its become is just socially acceptable ableist abuse.

Hmm. I'm not sure I entirely agree? I'm pretty firmly in the camp of "don't attribute things to malice when negligence will do". I think this joke was likely *meant* to be wielded against "people who absolutely need to have the last word". That....unfortunately includes a lot of people who aren't as likely to understand they have the option to bow out of the encounter. This is not a recipe for happy times for anyone. I'm...not really interested in litigating who's experience of being collaterol damage to comedy is worse/more immediate on this one.

But yeah, I think that the total devotion to the bit created some real conflicting access needs around the bit that did not need to be there. And I definitely experienced (and saw) people using it on purpose in ways that seemed really intentionally mean spirited rather than collectively entertaining. This was a bad combination because, as always, it very easily made "why can't you take a joke" a plausibly deniable dismissal of any time the bit was taken too far or used cruelly. Good cover for those who rely on social conventions to escape consequences for doing harm.