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#its giving find me in the future
soupmanspeaks · 2 months
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headcannon michael was a tinkerer in general, but more so understress (hence Helpy, PanManStan, #1 Crate, Mr.Hugs, ect) so whenever Glamfreddy's circuts are a bit overworked he'll go to his greenroom and just start building stuff lol
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puppyeared · 3 months
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i am playing professor layton and the curious village on my ds. very fun!!!
I don't know if i'm very far in because most of the time spent in that game was me being confused and bad at puzzles. it's fun though.
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!!! im glad to hear youre enjoying it!! its one of my fav titles and honestly such an underrated series, id love it if more ppl gave it a try!
the puzzles can be difficult but very rewarding!! i used to dread them as a kid but now i find them nice and challenging. the math ones are still hard, but if u speak to Flick at the cafe he'll give you chess puzzles which i think were my favorite ^_^
#its nice because its story driven but gives u enough room to do the puzzles on your own to make progress.. and the rewards like#the gizmos painting pieces and furniture for the minigames are also a nice bonus because it gives u a little extra incentive to solve as#many puzzles as possible!! ngl i didnt know how the hotel room minigame worked but i had fun completing the painting and robot dog#plus the variety and the fact that u dont know which puzzles youre gonna get makes it interesting. and theres no harm if u cant finish or#end up missing some because you can find them in the riddle shack or just do a different one instead and its fine. very cool#i have dyscalculia so the math ones have always been hard for me and id need my brothers help so we'd work on it together#or i'd just search up the answer as a last resort............#actually im gonna save u the trouble. if u get the camera case puzzle the answer is 95. ITS FUCKED UP I KNOW BUT ITS 95#it took me like 2 hours with my brother just to figure that out and i dont want anyone to get a headache from that one ITS FRUSTRATING#ive only played curious village and pandoras box bc its the only ones i had as a kid. replaying pandoras box rn actually!!!#i have cracked versions of unwound future and azran legacy which come after CV and PB BUT my version of unwound future is broken#it freezes on the opening cutscene every time i try to play it which SUCKS bc i really wanna play the games in order. maybe ill emulate it#professor layton#ask#answered#yapping#doodles
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opbau · 4 months
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strawhats and bending elements for this au:
Luffy - water
Zoro - earth
Nami - water
Usopp - fire
Sanji - earth
Chopper - non-bender (reindeer)
Robin - non-bender
Franky - non-bender
Brook - air
Jinbei - non-bender (fishman)
little bit more explanation under the cut
Luffy
my man cannot turn water into ice or fog and doesn't have the strongest control in the world, but in terms of raw power? pretty fucking strong
to be clear, he can manipulate ice, fog, snow, etc. but he can't alter whatever form it's already in. Nami gets a headache if she thinks about it too long
learned a little bit of waterbending from Shanks, but never really had a teacher
Zoro
strong earthbender with much better control than Luffy
can only bend earth
metal, sand, gems- nothing. he is very much a one trick rock pony
he only learned the basics from his village's earthbending teacher and devoted a majority to his time to swordsmanship so. yeah
Zoro doesn't even know what the hell sandbending is until they get to Alabasta
Nami
one of the few strawhats to have a formal teacher and learn more than the basics
Bellemere was a great teacher. but. yknow.
Nami learned most of what she knows from waterbending books and scrolls that she stole over the years from other pirates and rich people. And she's learned a lot compared to the other strawhats.
To keep this brief-ish, she's practically a master at waterbending, save for healing. For the life of her, she couldn't really get the hang of it and none of the scrolls or books she had picked up over the years were at all helpful in explaining it. She's still working on it.
The unfortunate part of this is, while she has great control and precision over her bending, her power is... lacking. Which is where the 'practically a master' vs. 'an actual master' distinction becomes important lol
Due to amazing forethought, Nami is perceived by the outside world as a non-bender. Even some of her enemies think she's a non-bender. Nami really doesn't want people to know how good she is at waterbending because that would make her more of a threat and her pretty little heart wouldn't be able to take it if her bounty increased, Robin, so could you do her a big favour-
Usopp
christ where do i begin
the only firebender in Syrup Village. Yasopp is a known pirate and firebender.
Usopp never had a firebending teacher. He did, however, have ample amounts of earth and water benders to watch from afar. He taught himself bending, in a way that works for him. It is far from traditional firebending, but hey it works.
Somewhere along the line- maybe around Loguetown or after- he learns that firebenders really can shoot lightning and it wasn't just a myth. He blows himself up a lot trying to create it on his own before some lady on an island they stop at explains the right way to do it and demonstrates. Usopp still blows himself up, but now his form is correct.
While the other strawhats tend to weave their bending into their fighting styles somehow- or at least use it to aid them in battle from time to time, like with a boost into the air via rock- Usopp never uses his bending in a fight. He likes his bending and all, but he's the sniper and he has a bag of explosives on him so uh. No.
one day, post-Wano, Usopp has a really good day before bending practice and accidentally discovers his ability to combustion bend. He doesn't know it's combustion bending though, because all that comes out are little sparks of fire, like a sparkler. No one else knows either and he just uses it as a party trick.
Sanji
dear god this one is gonna be. AA.
all of the Vinsmokes are earthbenders. Sora is not. Sanji is.
After escaping onto the Orbit, Sanji decided the best way to never be found again would be to never bend again. Ever. (also because those 3 bastards and Judge were earthbenders and Sanji hated them)
He had an earthbending teacher, but anything that wasn't a superhuman feat was deemed a failure so Sanji never actually learned shit from that teacher. He also just wanted to cook all the time, so he never practiced.
Point is, when he's stuck on that rock with Zeff, he has the power and control to lift a rock, but nothing heavier than something he could physically carry himself.
Zeff is a non-bender. While the Baratie has it's fair share of benders, Sanji is Zeff's son and when Zeff offered to teach him how to fight one day, what was Sanji to do other than accept?
Sanji never told Zeff he was an earthbender, but he had a feeling Zeff knew anyway.
Sanji never told his crew he was an earthbender either. This was less of him actively hiding it and more out of habit. He loved them, but he didn't really see a need to explain it to them when it didn't matter. He wouldn't see his 'family' again and he could fight just fine without it anyway-
[Whole Cake]
Sanji: Hm. Hm™
He reveals he's an earthbender post-WCI. Zoro forces him to learn the basics and also adamantly insists that he knew the truth the whole time (he didn't. he's embarrassed). Zoro starts saying some super smug stuff now, like "is that any way to talk to your teacher?" and related lines. Think Zoro's thing about ranking and always insisting he's above Sanji and now that he's got the opportunity, he's gonna enjoy every moment.
(He's also gonna have some kind of earthbending specialty, but I haven't decided yet. Leaning towards metalbender though.)
Sanji faces the firebender rumours instead of Usopp. Both of them are incensed by this bc Sanji wants people to think he's a non-bender still (connection to Zeff) and Usopp is just mad people don't think he's a firebender (quite literally his own fault).
Chopper
always thought bending was cool even if he couldn't do it
Doctor Hiriluk was a non-bender too. Sometimes the two of them would talk and make up impossible scenarios that benders might do and laugh their heads off.
Doctor Kureha is an earth bender. She isn't a metalbender, but everyone besides Chopper thinks she is.
Robin
she comes from a long line of waterbenders, but she and her mother were both non-benders.
The scholars on Ohara were benders of all types and specialties. Fire, Earth, Water, Air all living in harmony and all that. Real shame. Anyway.
Because of Nami's "i'm totally a non-bender teehee" scheme, Robin has become the "strawhat's waterbending witch" that some people spread rumours about. The gist is that Nami begged her to help and Robin thought it'd be fun. Misleading people with her ability and those rumours never gets old.
Franky
non-bender in a family of 1) a fishman, 2) a mermaid, and 3) Iceburg (annoying waterbender his age)
Water 7 is known for a majority of their people being waterbenders. The Franky Family is mostly made up of non-water benders.
Franky didn't really care about figuring out bending as much when he was younger and after the Sea Train incident and he built himself back up, he couldn't bend a thing. He doesn't really know if he just fucked himself up hard enough he couldn't bend anymore or if he never could bend in the first place. He doesn't really care though, too busy being Super!
A lot of outsiders think Franky is an earthbender, specifically a metalbender, because of his whole cyborg thing. Also the no shoes thing. After joining the strawhats, the metalbender thing sort of holds up, especially post-timeskip with his General Franky.
There are also groups of people who are like "this guy is from Water 7, are you kidding? he's a waterbender for sure." They also point to the fact that he's always wearing a speedo and thus always ready to get wet.
The rumours are pretty funny to listen to and he and Robin love to just hang out on an island incognito (or as much as Franky is capable) and just listen to rumours about themselves and laugh about it. They share what they hear with the crew too.
Brook
he doesn't use his bending often, but there are occasions; can do loads of funny little tricks that he taught himself during That Time. He's also quite good at propelling his body high into the air for surveillance.
Not exactly a master airbender, but does have the basics down, like Zoro. There are attempts to mimic Sanji's Sky Walk- more for entertainment and curiousity than anything- with varying levels of success (Brook kicks himself too high, doesn't kick at the right time, etc)
Learned about 'gliding suits' (created after he died) and refuses to ever wear one. Adamant that if he must wear traditional airbending clothing, it's flowy stuff or nothing. (he's shy about form fitting clothing being too close to the skin. well, not that he has any-)
Jinbei
literally the exact same. Fishmen can do all the same things in canon, but they cannot be benders. Reason being: every single one of them is uhh, hmm. best way to say this is waterbenders, but to the left.
Fishmen can manipulate water with their hands but only if they're touching the element itself; they can't turn it to ice or anything like that, but the tradeoff is the immense amount of power and precise control they can more easily learn than humans... or smth like that
honestly, Jinbei's just here to chill in this au and probably unintentionally give Luffy bad waterbending advice (it's advice for Fishman Karate which isn't the same, but it's pretty close right? And Luffy keeps asking and insisting he teach him, and well, who is Jinbei to say no? Surely, Franky, who came to watch, will tell him if he's giving the wrong idea-)
Nami yells at both of them. Then yells at Franky because of his waterbender conspiracy theorists.
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note-boom · 1 year
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Okay but after watching and hearing about Untold Origins, I am....actually slightly hopeful for a happy-ish ending for BSD?
I know we're years away from the manga actually ending, should all go well behind the scenes, but even so, the way the ADA - the organisation that Atsushi (our protag) is involved with - was created gives me hope.
Because you have these two loners, one alone by his own will and his fear of himself and others. And the other alone all of a sudden after a secluded but happy life with loving parent, growing slowly to fear the world. Yet in each other they find a family and find a new present, find meaning and colour in each other.
Fukuzawa learns to overcome his past, and Ranpo grows to look forward to his future. And together they create a place where their present will be safe, where they can help not only themselves but a very cruel world.
In addition, at the start, they are both (in essence) extraordinary but completely ordinary people. As in, Ranpo doesn't actually have a special ability despite his unusually high perception and deduction skills, and Fukuzawa doesn't yet know of his own ability and only has his near inhuman swordsman skills. And in that ordinariness disguised under extraordinariness, they affirm each other's humanity.
It's just so seriously special to me, as much as it's funny, that the founders of the supernatural-based agency weren't special in the sense of having supernatural powers. I can't quiiiite articulate it into words but there's SOMETHING in there about how the ADA was founded on a baseline of finding the extraordinary beauty of just being your own weird kind of human being, no powers needed. That, actually, being extraordinary was still being human.
And where I'm going with all of this is to say that...well, look at all the members of the ADA. And look at the way the agency was founded, by whom, and what it represents. The ADA was started on a basis of actually helping someone who felt alienated from the world find their place in it while also protecting them from it, and we SEE in Ranpo and Yosano and Kunikida - even in Katai, honestly, though he left - how it did exactly that. Helped someone perhaps not find meaning in their future, but definitely find love and hope in the now.
So why can't I believe that given what the ADA stands for - a family, a bright present, a place where one can rediscover their humanity and find a place in a seemingly meaningless world - the manga won't end with something like the way Untold Origins ended? People coming together and fighting their way through the everyday, just content in the fact that at least for now, they're alive and together?
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catboyfurina · 3 months
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One of the really irritating things about that 'oh QPR is just friendship, clearly you've never had friends, lmao loser' discourse is that (and there are many irritating things this is just one of them) even in QPRs that ARE just friendships with a new fancy label.... like...? There are many kinds of friendship that people just have because it's easier than not. And there are friendships that you think are going to be incredibly lasting, but then they date someone new and suddenly you're no longer a priority. The QPR label lets people attach an intentionality and priority to their friendship that really is not guaranteed..... like also not every QPR is this way etc etc but even when it is Just Friendship T M its still like entirely reasonable to want to use that label to signify that it isn't casual
#beeep#like this isnt to say casual friendships are BAD but for alloros its kinda like. there is a typical way to denote a relationship#is intended to be very lasting and very stable and it has its own special word and its normal to look for it etc etc and#like why are u begrudging aros the same thing. just cus they dont wanna kiss??? ridiculous#<-guy who was having Emotions about how boyfriend is a really nice label cus it lets me know its On Purpose and not just Convenient#but like yeah. idk if im arospec or not im kinda giving up on the having a solid orientation thing cus thats hard but... the knowledge that#your loved ones will move on and find someone they love the most and then in the future youre nobodys priority and u cant blame them but it#hurts. well thats really scary. like constant unrequited love but nobody understands because the unrequited love is friendship and they lov#you like a friend ! except they don't realize how different the intensities are anyway. this was a fear of mine when i was id'ing as aro an#it isnt an unreasonable one i think. also may have been somewhat sponsored by being the Convenient Friend and not ever a Best Friend but#yeah. in conclusion. even if a qpr is just another name for a friendship there is a REASON they want to use that term for it and its not#just lmao shitty losers. its because the world is really hard to navigate alone and people want to signify that commitment ! raaaaaaargh#anyway im probably not fully aro ive decided. like probably the cupio label is not correct like i previously thought. but i think that#people are ridiculously mean to aros and like. kinda treat them like they are stupid????? or childish??? anyway#turns out i may not be aro however i believe in their beliefs (i could elaborate more on that but i suspect im running out of tags)
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elegyofthemoon · 5 months
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listen i also think 2b is hot but also i am very very tired of walking into the tags every now and then only to see sexy art of her this is not what im here for im here for the existential crisis
#snow speaks#i would talk more about nier automata if i could but ALAS EVERYONE IS TOO FIXATED ON HOT 2B...#I GET IT ME TOO !!!!!!!!! BUT ALSO PLEASE I JUST MISS THE EXISTENTIAL CRISIS THIS GAME GIVES ME GIVE IT BACK#aughhhhhhh#if i could id replay the game all over again#im at a point at least where i barely remember anything but quotes every now and then#so if i could play it then itd be like playing it entirely fresh !! and thatd be nice#but alas i cannot :(#and tbh like.#the thing with nier is that its not even the characters itself that gets me but the whole theme and story#the characters are only pawns and tools to the rest of the story#yes sure they have their own backstories and stuff but i think i could not appreciate them without enjoying the story itself#like i just love love love nier for how it focuses a lot on the idea of seeking out purpose for yourself#'a future is not given to you. it is something you must take for yourself.'#throughout the entire game you see the androids/machines try to find purpose and meaning in this otherwise meaningless world#does it blow up in their face? yes but to them that is a purpose to live#and enough to keep going#is that not what we're all doing? trying to wade through the waters of this world in hopes that we'll find a purpose to keep going?#i whhhhh i miss you nier automata#i miss just how much this game means to me and how it played a lot into shaping my view on reality and living#i dont think my words will ever suffice how much i love it#but i love it a lot#but yeah also like dont take this the wrong way either its just. im tired#if i could id kiss 2b but alas it was not meant to be :( (shes so pretty)#anyways hi#ACTUALLY IM NOT DONE HOLD ON#LIKE LISTEN#theres also this thing about attachment and suffering too that plays into it#the cycle of life and death and the cycle of attachment and suffering#many times these purposes these androids and machines find wind up blowing up in their face due to needing an attachment to their identity
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thebirdandhersong · 1 year
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sometimes it is weirdly cathartic to watch a woman go insane on the screen/page/stage. I get that. Expression of our negative emotions so openly and unashamedly portrayed, which we are not allowed to/ought not to/were raised not to express in such a way in public or whatever. It can feel like some sort of release to see that. However. Watching Alina go from punching Nikolai in the face for lying to her to straight up murdering a crazy lady high on magical people drugs with the very same power that the Darkling used was so disconcerting that I leaned away from the screen.
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theygender · 1 year
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Idk how many of y'all watch Good Mythical Morning but I just want to say that as a gnc person it makes me so happy to see Chase get to dress however he wants and have it just be normal. The crop top he always wears during international food taste tests isn't treated as weird, that's just his cartographer shirt, and it's become such a signature look that other people have to wear it while filling in for him. He plays a few female characters that wear dresses, but the fact that he's playing a woman or wearing a dress is never treated like a joke. The actual joke is that the character he's playing is a fancy dancing cow or an alternate universe version of Little Debbie named Giant Deborah who can teleport across dimensions if you chant for her. The dress is just part of the character, and Chase just happens to be comfortable wearing dresses and really good at playing funny characters. Idk, it just makes me feel really happy to see another gnc person out there thriving and living their best life. I've always been hesitant about being out as nonbinary at work bc I didn't think it would be possible for people to just treat it like a normal thing, and recently I've been worried that once I graduate college and go on to more "professional" work my future employers may see my gender nonconformity as unprofessional, which scares me bc it's not even possible for me to conform to any gender expectations anymore. But. Here on one of my favorite YouTube channels there's a gnc person who gets to dress however they want for their job, even having roles where their gender nonconformity is important to the videos, and it's just treated like the most normal thing in the world. If that's possible then maybe the idea of finding a research job that will respect me isn't so far fetched
#good mythical morning#rambling#idk i just get emotional sometimes#as someone whos worried that even gender nonconformity would be viewed as unprofessional in my future field and frowned upon#regardless of whether i would be interacting with the public#seeing someone whos able to be as gnc as they want at a job where theyre being FILMED for the public and posted to an audience#really does kinda give me hope that i can find acceptance one day#its really cool that stevie presents in a gnc way too sometimes but shes not on camera as much#but idk. it just makes me feel happy#im watching the international foods taste test they posted today and chase is wearing an even shorter crop top under his cartographer shirt#and i was just like HELL yeah you GO king!!#as someone whos been watching the show for a long time and has also seen a lot of old episodes from before i started watching#i like seeing how much more confident chase is now that he dresses how he wants to as well#in a lot of the old videos he dressed very much like a stereotypical straight boy and he seemed a lot more shy and timid back then#now you can just tell how happy he is. he seems so confident in himself and he contributes so much to the show now#idk. i want that one day. i hope i can find a stable career where I'll be accepted for who i am#instead of having to pretend to be something else or worry about what people are thinking of me if i dont#my job now is definitely better than some of my old ones but i still dont really know what people think of me now that im somewhat out#and spending 40 hours a week walking on egg shells with your own damn existence isnt fun :( but. maybe its not forever. i hope
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salsflore · 1 year
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ummmm
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#oh mika there is beauty in life~ look at your future! everything will be worth it in the end~#my favorite image on this device btw ^#cw negative#cw vent#you know where this is going. apologies my mind is a mess and i really just need to get it out because i find its better than-#-writing a semi formal email to that One (1) emotional support organization and i’m afraid to make a call so#but i just genuinely believe things would be better off if i weren’t alive. a bit of a silly thing to jump to i know but#my tuition fees aren't cheap and i'm not even that great of a student or a daughter or a sister and i-#-have no talents or remarkable feats. i’m not impressive in any way. and i hate hearing shit about how ^_^ its okay! we all have something-#-special about ourselves! for example maybe you have really good hand writing and thats good enough ~ but that doesn't work for me because-#-i have nothing. my handwriting isn't good my singing isn't good i'm not artistically gifted i don't have some random affinity for puzzles-#-i'm not charming or somehow really good at calculation or super creative or a really comforting friend i really have nothing at all#i don’t want to die. i have no plans on doing that sort of thing anytime soon— don’t misunderstand me#i just wholeheartedly believe i don’t deserve to be here anymore not because i’m not loved. i just can’t stand myself and my teenage years-#-feel so long and i'm so fragile how much longer do i have to tolerate. i'm contributing nothing. why should my family have to feed and-#-clothe a burden like me who provides nothing. why should my friends care for someone like me. i’m not really that funny or sweet or great-#-with advice giving or pretty or helpful in any way. why is it that life is genuinely easier for others. what did i do? what can i do?#how much longer must i tolerate this? would you believe me if i said i really did try to change my mindset this time?#i have no one in real life to talk to. therapists are pricey and i don’t think mine was helping me in any way anyways. she was nice though#so every night i sleep hoping i wake up somewhere else. somewhere where i'm happier and i can live all my silly fantasies where i'm a fun-#-and lovely person who has everything she wants and nothing goes wrong ever!!#how much longer must i hang onto the little things. i’m in such an exruciating amount of pain that i want to kill myself without dying? lol#everyone repeats the same stuff. get bit#i can't rely on the joy of having coffee every morning or persevere for the sake of seeing cute cats on insta. nothing will ease the burden
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oscill4te · 7 months
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I hope they find a way for humans to regrow cartilage one day ... lifelong blue collar workers and ppl with arthritis deserve it tbh
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lilidawnonthemoon · 8 months
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💯🪐✨
#ITS SO SO GOOD OMG IM GONNA SAY IT AGAIN: WE’RE SO BACK!!!!#being completely objective this is on the top of my favorite kpop gg albums list this year!#I genuinely love every song they gave me everything they truly captured Loona’s colors so well with the lore in the mv and the sound#Loona is so alive still can’t believe they revived OEC and now this#the members get to shine more it’s like the units we always wanted f*ck you again BBC#the intro is just magical#perfect... « searching for their friends 🥹#Real World really surprised me the beginning sounds so much like a RV song I LOVE it and oh my their vocals on it are so good#really impressed by the vocals and production of this album#Colouring might be my favorite it’s very Loona makes me realise how important their vocal colors are to Loona's sound#like Gowon’s tone give it that otherworldly feeling#Newtopia ooooh yessss the instrumental reminds me of OEC the production again is AMAZING this sound suits them so well!!!#Strawberry Soda is so refreshing such ear candy how wonderful & heartwarming that Yves is part of this amazing album#can’t wait to hear more of what she writes#Day by Day is the perfect closer to this perfect album it’s so uplifting it makes me so hopeful and excited about Loossemble’s future#honestly 10/10 what a flawless redebut#went beyond my expectations#very very proud and emotional I can’t find the words#every song is on my best kpop b sides of 2023 ) / current playlists & on repeat#can’t wait to receive my physical album and for Chuu Heejin and Yves' solos then ARTMS full group debut aaaaah we made it out of the drough#Loossemble#kpop#ggs#girl groups#music#korean#2023#Spotify
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toytulini · 8 months
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splat fans be normal about japanese players challenge
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craycraybluejay · 8 months
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The fact that I'm not tall enough makes me actually want to self die. Like idc what other people say in terms of why I deserve or don't deserve to die but. If I was 6'0" I'd feel a lot less constantly depressed.
#tw dysphoria#look i like a good majority of my appearance people find me hot and i find me hot#but every time im reminded of my height i want to kill everything within a 10 mile radius including myself#tw sui ideation#microwave background of i hate society i hate not feeling man enough i hate not feeling on the same page with my body#not only do you have the most painful of problems you also arent large?? what the hell dude#whats wrong with you#stop having so many problems#turn back time be a kid again turn to a life of crime and get the hormones u need b4 its too late#manage your disability with underground docs b4 medicine is irreperablt ruined to you#be a kid again be stronger be smarter get out get out save yourself#its not FAIR#its not right#stretch me on a rack till im long enough to seem near inhuman#break my bones and put me back together until i feel like a person#work me till im sicker than before make me a killing machine make me numb to pain and limits#make me a future where i can be me even if its in a program even if im dead#i dont want to be healthy i just want to be me enough to give a fuck#i want to be free#i look around at the things i care about and i feel weary and numb. what does it matter i ask myself#if i cant experience it all as me but simply as too flawed a flesh mech to connect to. idc if people like me. i just want to be me#a constant fight for identity where everyone not helping me is my enemy. and im so ENVIOUS it makes me sick#envious of things people could never imagine being envious about. i want to leave my body forever#vent#my fight for myself takes no prisoners i will bite every bad hand and use people and be outright cruel bc that is who i am. that is how you#survive. in a world that eats you every day you require the drive and ruthlessness to eat everything and everyone else.#sometimes survival means drowning the part of you that apologizes and pleases. putting yourself first no matter what.#a hundred times id rather be selfish and brutal than give even an inch of my chance at an even okay life#if science isnt enough ill change science. if people arent enough ill change people. if nothings enough ill break all of it#i dont believe in compromise. not when it comes to me.
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horrorwebs · 11 months
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i hate my best friend earlier i was like "im scared that this guy likes me bc he said something that i would only say to people who i like, but i recognize thats its a normal ass thing to say anyway and i rationally know he does not like me, but still, my brain decided to play with that concept and made me have a terrible nightmare the other night about it and now im subconsciously scared that he will like me ( with the underlying concept of "i am scared of men")" and shell go ohohioo what if youre projecting and its actually YOU that likes him. ????? bitch did you not hear the part about having a dream where he abused me or ...?sometimes being asexual is a nightmare nobody gets it
#and i have actually considered that btw.! and no i dont like him. if i like anyone its someone else entirely.and i dont like them either so#but she did not get it for the most part which i understand my feelings are unconventional and irrational and hard to follow. but i am#quite literally scared of the concept. of a man liking me. of this guy specifically bc we are good friends why ruin it!but just guys in gen#and i dreamt he abused me.....#literal nightmare i woke up scared and confused all bc my brain hates ne#anyway. she wants to have a gotcha moment so bad#like i said before. no its not about projecting and being scared of liking him#its about being scared that someone who i care about sees me in a way i dont and demands things from me i am not willing to give#+ someone being intimidating by having more experience compared to my 0 amount#+ feeling a bit intimiddated that my new friend group will find me immature as i am the youngest one#theres a lot of complicated feelings and a lot of confusing things bc of my asexuality but she sometimes doesnt get it#its not rly about liking him. also if i do in the future i wont really give myself a headache about it ive decided to stop worrying#about things like that it never helps.#anyway this is the friend i was hopelessly in love with and i can safely say i am over her now [tangent]#anyway. idk. sometimes i feel so stupid but this fear was idk a bit more than justa silly highschool 'what if i like them'and more#'what if the people i meet want to take advantage of me and i cant learn to say no' + 'what if i have a way of self sabotaging perfectly#good friendships by implanting irrational fears into them via dream' ?#you know. a bit more heavy#idk if anyone reads my rants id you doo cool thanks but whatever this is my diary maybe i should go nack to the psychologist idk#spikeposting
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bewby · 1 year
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my phone completely stopped working and  i just started sobbing because its 7 am and i literally was going to sleep i always have so much bad  luck  i always had so many fucking PROBLRMS WITH MY LAPTOP AND IPHONE AND NOTHING GIVES ME MIGRAINES LIKE THIS I WANNa sdieeeee I WANNA DIEEE oh my god i can’t breathe like i’mCTUALLY crying i know i’m fucking insane and annoying but fuck off  oh my god
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kindaorangey · 1 year
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grrr
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