it's being a while since i've come across your art, i love the way you draw pets, they look so cute!!! 🥺

Hello!! Aww It's been kind of difficult lately, emotionally and financially and that's why I've hardly been drawing, I honestly miss it hehe

So ...Sorry for that, here's a drawing I've made some time ago, just for myself

Thanks for reaching out!❤ And thank you! I really love to draw pets and funny animals!!

after (jjk) - 005

pairing: patient!oc x patient!jungkook

genre: friends to lovers au, kinda a hazel and gus trope, | lots of angst, fluff and suggestive themes

warning: this chapter gets extremely dark 😭 (nothing new lol)

authors note: omfg im so sorry it’s taken me so long to post 😩 the schedule might change from now on bc my schedule changed 😅 but hope u guys enjoy it 😩😩

there's a phobia called agoraphobia. it’s basically the fear of places and situations that can cause panic, helplessness and/or embarrassment. usually, i can deal with it. but things like cringe worthy scenes and overly cheesy romance is unavoidable.

especially being friends with jeon jungkook.

i knew better than to hand out my phone number to just anyone, but i thought maybe jungkook would be so busy with his own life, he would leave me alone.

for his parents' sake, i hope he had unlimited talk and text for his plan. the boy texted me first thing in the morning and every hour or so. he would call me at night, sometimes even facetime me, just before he went to bed. and even when we would hang up, he would still text me goodnight.

the only other person i would talk to everyday, other than my parents, is hoseok. hoseok was my older cousin, but one of my closest friends as well. but even hoseok gave a break during the day to allow some “me time” for the both of us.

jungkook was relentless. he would always text me “good morning sunshine” and then text me “good night my moon”. what the hell even was that?

as much as it was annoying, it was endearing in a sense. i guess it was nice to have someone other than family constantly checking up on me. but some part of me couldn’t help but wonder if it was because of what namjoon had said and if he felt obligated to have to talk to me.

i knew jungkook wasn’t like that. but a small part of me couldn’t help but convince myself that it could be true.

“so the guy texts you all the time? it’s not a big deal,” hoseok said, sitting across the island in his kitchen. i stuck my fork into my bowl of fruit, impaling a small blueberry in the process.

“i mean, it’s not but it’s weird. hobi, i’ve never had someone crave to talk to me so often. and i swear it has to be because of what our counselor said,” i mumble.

the thing about hoseok is he has an aura that gets you to spill all emotions. much like jungkook. but the difference between the two of them in my life is that i’ve known hoseok a lot longer and can confirm he can keep his mouth shut.

“well contrary to your belief, you’re a decent person to have around,” he shrugs, giving a strawberry in his mouth. i snort at his comment and roll my eyes.

“wow, what a compliment. it’s a wonder you’re single,” i chuckle, shoveling the fork full of blueberries into my mouth.

“i’m single by choice. what about you?” hoseok smirks, wiggling his eyebrows at me.

“what’s that supposed to mean?” i asked, laughing at his expression.

“what?”

“the whole thing?” i respond, laying my fork down onto the counter, leaning onto it with my elbows, forearms flat as i folded my hands.

“i’m single because i choose to be. i prefer comforting solitude than forced company,” he shrugs, continuing to shovel fruit into his mouth.

“forced company?” i ask.

“yeah. like, just because we’re together, they feel obligated to HAVE to hang out with me or invite me everywhere when, in reality, i don’t give a damn. i mean, you know me. we both value our solitude and respect that. but it’s hard to find someone that understands that. and then i’m the bad guy for wanting alone time when really, it’s a mental health break,” hoseok explains, his eyes locked onto the bowl in front of him.

his statement surprised me. he was always such a people oriented person. as kids, he was the first to make friends between us and always such an extrovert. it kind of hurt to know eventually his whole personality switched. but maybe being so wrapped up in my world and in my own issues, i failed to acknowledge the people around me.

the atmosphere changed after that. almost as if there was a sad reminisce in the air.

“do you think you’re forced to keep me company?” i blurted. i couldn’t deny, the thought crossed my mind multiple times before. was everyone around me just babysitting to make sure i didn’t hurt myself?

i couldn’t tell. i knew asking would be dumb. hoseok would never tell me the truth. he’s usually a pretty blunt and up front guy, but he would never outright hurt my feelings. which saddened me even more. would he willingly lie to comfort me? knowing what i knew?

“do you think i am?”

“yeah,” i honestly admitted. we both sat in silence, taking in my answer.

it wasn’t a lie. like i said, the thought had crossed my mind. every time he placed his phone down on the table to force himself to give me his attention. the way he seemingly dropped everything immediately if i asked him to hang out with me or pick me up some place. how i never heard of him being with friends.

the more i sat there, the more i threw myself into overdrive, thinking until my head started to pound from overthinking.

“well, you’re wrong,” he sighed. my eyes flitted up to gaze at his face. he looked sullen, almost like my answer had upset him. i released a silent huff through my nose, smirking in the process.

“you don’t have to protect me,” i murmured quietly.

“my mom called me. she begged me to come home one day. i didn’t understand it at first, but she's my mom. i did as i was told. when i got home, she didn’t say anything, just told me to get in the car. i remember thinking to myself ‘what’s got her feeling this way? why is she being ominous with her actions?’ the whole drive, she said nothing,” hoseok said, a distant look in his eyes.

“she ended up pulling over at some park. it was late, so i didn’t recognize it at first. but then i realized what park it was. it was the park we went to as kids. and, again, i kept wondering to myself why she was being enigmatic with her actions. and then she spoke. she said six words and then didn’t speak the rest of the week,” he said, his voice shaken with sadness.

“what did she say?” i asked softly, my voice a mere whisper. hoseok looked up at me, his eyes glazed red.

“your cousin tried to kill herself.”

i felt like the air had come out of my lungs.

it’s funny, people like to talk about your attempts, but nobody ever tells you where they were and what they were doing when they heard the news. nobody tells you the pain they feel or the hurt. the anger or the betrayal. they pretend like what they felt didn’t happen to convince themselves it wasn’t real and they could move on. because it didn’t work and you’re alive.

but hearing hoseok tell me about his experience, it stirred something in my heart and i hadn’t felt in a long time.

regret.

“she didn’t even mention if you survived or if you were okay. that’s all she said. and because she was crying, i assumed the worst. i had assumed you died. and it felt like everything in me… stopped working. like, i forgot what it was like to not have you by my side. every… every memory, every laugh. every inside joke. it was like a corny ass film playing at 2x speed in front of me. my mind kept telling itself this can’t be real. she wouldn’t do that to me’. but the longer we sat there and the harder she cried, i couldn’t take it. i jumped out of the car and just started running. i didn’t know where i was going but i just had to run because the car was so suffocating, i thought i was gonna pass out. and i kept asking myself ‘why her? why couldn’t she just talk to me? why didn’t she tell me she was hurting? does she know how much i love her and that i would do anything to keep her here?’ and then i was pissed because i thought you had abandoned me. that you didn’t care about me or your parents or my mom. but then… once i stopped running… i felt bad for you. because i could never imagine the amount of loneliness you must’ve felt thinking the only way to solve this was to end it all,” he said through his compendious recount of that night. i could feel the hurt and regret make its rounds in my heart, forcing my body to follow. it physically ached to hear hobi recall every moment of that night. “i’m sorry,” i cried out, crying into my hands.

“that’s why i hang out with you. that’s why i talk to you. because i don’t want you to feel that kind of loneliness ever again,” he admitted, sniffling. the hurt and regret only further festered and made me cry over hard to the point where i felt like i couldn’t breathe. hoseok stood from his spot, making his way around the island. he stood in front of me, pulling me into his chest, my arms wrapping around his waist. i hadn’t hugged anyone in years, and the amount of care and love hoseok had emitted through his hug made me cry even more.

“and that’s why i’m so glad you have jungkook. because when i can’t be there, at least he is,” he explained, rubbing small circles in my back.

though my doubt was still heavy, and i felt as if he had an ulterior motive, hoseok’s words comforted me in a way.

jungkook had been nothing but kind, never intrusive or inquisitive about my history or my feelings. he spoke to me because he wanted me to know that he cared.

and for the first time in forever, i felt something else too.

hope.

50 Question Studyblr Tag!

I saw this a while ago, and really wanted to do it, but never got around to doing it until now! 

GENERAL

What country are you studying in now? Sydney, Australia

What’s your major or specialization? none? I’m still in high school lol

What year are you in? I’m in year 9 :)

What courses are you taking (/will be taking if on break)? I take all the mandatory year 9 courses (maths, science, English, geography, history, careers, phys ed), as well as drama, Japanese, and agriculture.

Favorite course? Drama! It’s so much fun. After that it’d probably be Japanese, and then science.

What languages do you know? Want to learn? English and Cantonese (which I speak at home but i can’t read/write) and I am learning Japanese at school. I’d like to learn Mandarin, French and Latin, but I had to drop French and Latin at school because I could only study one language :((

What language do you study in? Do you think in a different language? Nup- English only! Though very very very rarely I might think in Cantonese if I’m surrounded by my family who are only Cantonese speakers

Career aspiration? Vet or psychologist?? Idk I’m still in year 9.

If you couldn’t be #8, what would you be? Doctor?? Idek tbh. Maybe a teacher but kids are crazy sometimes lol

Moment you knew what you wanted to do? Idk, my family’s been a big influence on me, and I’ve always wanted to be a doctor since I was little, but that’s changed slightly as I’ve gotten older.

STUDY ENVIRONMENT

Where is your favorite place to study? At school in any classroom tbh or in the school library

When is your favorite time to study? Early morning right after I get up or in the afternoon after school

Clean desk or organized mess? Clean desk?? Idk I try to keep it clean as possible but bc I have so many subjects books and pens are everywhere, but I clean it up quickly bc I can’t handle messy desks.

Music or no music? What type? Music. Anything tbh. As long as there’s some noise in the background, I’m happy.

Name top 3 worst distractions. My dog, YouTube, friends (when they text me and the notifications that come up on my phone)

Exam time, dress up or dress down? School uniform lol

Exam time, hair up or hair down? Hair up in a ponytail - it’s my default hair style for school and it keeps my hair out of my face, but I can still play with it :)

Favourite outfit for studying? Leggings and a T-shirt

Favourite study scent? um?? I dont really use scents when i study so ???

STUDY TOOLS

Name 5 things you would consider your ‘study essentials’. A highlighter, a black pen, white out, reinforced line paper and my laptop

Hardcopy books or pdf online? Both? If I had to choose one, probably pdf because its easier to transport

Favourite study snack? drink? Cookies/chips with chocolate milk

Favourite pen (or pencil)? Papermate Inkjoys

Favourite notebook/paper? Idk I’m not too fussy and I just buy the cheapest lol

Name 5 apps/tools that help you be productive. Google Docs (allows me to do my assignments on the go), Todoist, Google Calendar, Forest, Google Drive (textbooks + resources saved there)

How many pens/pencils/markers are in your pencil case? 4 pens, 2 pencils, 0 markers (but 2 highlighters, if they count as markers)

Backpack or purse? Backpack

How many notebooks do you have? Wayy too many lol I’ll just list the ones I use (and I’ll include my exercise books for school) so 1 for each subject except drama so 9, one for random notes, one for planning each day out (but not a bujo) and one for drawing

STUDY HABITS

How do you motivate yourself when you’re not motivated? Watch study related videos on YouTube

Pump up routine before writing an exam? Bag packed with all materials, all pens have ink, whiteout isn’t about to run out, go through notes in my head, or listen to music, and keep calm :)

Crammer or pacer? Pacer

Type of learner (kinesthetic, auditory, visual)? Visual

How do you plan? (digital, planner, lists, no plan, etc.) My diary, and I also jot things down in a notebook and in Google calendar/todoist

Preferred note-taking method? Handwritten

Do you make to-do lists? How? Yea, I just write out a list in a notebook

Do you stick to your to-do lists? Mostly, but if something comes up, or there’s a lot to do, there’s not much I can do about that

Group study or independent study? Independent, unless the group is with people who are actually going to study

Average number of hours of sleep during exam time? 7-8, pretty much what i normally get 

Ever pulled an all-nighter? Ye once, and it wasn’t even for anything important, I just got caught up in reading lol

STUDY MENTALITY

What do you do to recover from getting a grade lower than expected? I don’t normally get too worked up over grades. I’d feel a bit disappointed in myself, and it’d stick in my head for a bit. But I’d forget about it pretty quickly because whenever I get grades, its always during school where I’m with my friends, and we discuss other things to take our minds off it.

One advice you’d give others? I mean, I’m only in Year 9 but don’t stress the small stuff? Just take life as it comes, and sometimes there’s not much you can do about what happens. Try hard, and work hard, and you’ll achieve your goals eventually.  

What are you most proud of right now? I got Dux of English last year, and got an award for outstanding academic excellence in my area in Year 6 

Favorite quote to keep you going? “Working hard is important, but there is something that matters even more. Believing in yourself.” - Harry Potter

Favorite way to destress? Socialising, drawing, or watching Youtube/movie

OTHER

Favourite 5 studyblrs? ahh there’s wayyy to many to list out: some include: @studyquill @emmastudies @studyign @optomstudies @universi-tea

How often do you check Tumblr? 2x-3x a day?? idk it depends on the day

Hobbies when you’re not studying? reading, drawing/animating, 

Favourite compulsory-reading book? There aren’t really that many books I’ve had to read... I remember once in Year 6, I had to read Warhorse by Michael Morpurgo, and I quite liked it. 

First nerdy joke that pops into your head. I once told a chemistry joke, but there was no reaction. 

All zeeeee questions

Yooo, thanks anon!1: Let’s start with a tricky one; what is the real reason you are confused right now? - Umm, honestly I gave up on feelings, now I'm just kinda chilling so, no more confusion.2: Do you ever get “good morning” texts from anyone? - Depends on the day3: If your significant other smoked pot, would you care? - as long as it wasn't like an everyday thing, it wouldn't bother me too much. 4: Do you find it easy to trust others? - I don't really trust easily, but I'm good at making it seem like I'm telling someone everything while only telling them a little. I only tell like 3 people literally everything.5: What were you doing at 11PM last night? - Watching Gossip Girl6: You’re drunk and lost walking down the road; who is with you? - Either Abe or Caitlin, definitely.7: What would you do if you found out you had been cheated on? - I'd be pissed and hurt, but there's not much you can do about it. What would suck would be wondering why you weren't good enough. 8: Are you close with your dad? - Eh, sorta. I think the fact that I'm gay really keeps me from connecting with my parents, but my dad is better about it. 9: I bet you kissed someone last night, right? - Haha nope. 10: What are you listening to? - Knuckles by Moose Blood 11: You can only drink ONE liquid for the rest of your life - what is it? - Water; you can always flavor it. 12: Do you like hickeys? - I love them, totally love them. Just don't make them obvious all over the neck, bc then it looks bad. 13: What time do you go to bed? - Either super early/a reasonable time or like 4am14: Is there someone who continuously lets you down? - Until recently, yes there was. But I'm finally done with them. 15: Can you text as quickly with one hand as you do both? - I have small hands so if I text with one hand it takes me forever :(16: Do you always answer your texts? - Almost always. If I don't there's got to be a reason for it. No one ever texts me though lol.17: Do you hate the person you fell the hardest for?- Honestly I don't hate them for me falling for them, but I have some hatred for what they put me through for so long. 18: When was the last time you talked to one of your best friends? - Pretty sure I was snap chatting Caitlin this morning. I talked to Abe yesterday for like 3 seconds. 19: Is there someone that makes you happy every time you see them? - Definitely Abe or Caitlin. They're my 2 favorite people who can always put a smile on my face.20: What was your last thought before you went to bed last night? - "This is the cutest video ever, I'm glad I was recording this"21: Is anyone else in the room with you? - Nope, I'm in bed22: Do you believe what goes around comes around? - Yes23: Were you happier four months ago than you are now? - HAHAHA NO. Oh god, I was a miserable, heartbroken mess 4 months ago. Honest to god, I would cry at least 2x a day after what I was going through.24: Is there someone you wish you could fix things with? - For a while, honestly I wanted to fix things with someone, but they want nothing to do with me, and I think it's for the best. 25: In the past week, have you cried? - Yeah, but it's because of Mother Nature haha. 26: What colour is the shirt you are wearing? - Faded red.27: Do people ever call you by your last name? - Sometimes, a couple of people I went to high school with. 28: Is anyone ignoring you right now? - Nah.29: Do you have a best friend? - Yes! I have one that I've been friends with since I was 3 (Brandi), and then two other ones that are the most important people to me; Abe and Caitlin.30: Would it be hard seeing someone else kiss the last person you kissed? - I hate this question, because yes it would probably kill me inside, but they hurt me so badly that it would be a weird feeling.31: Who was your last call/text message from? - My last text was from Reshma, my last call was from Abe.32: Are you mad at anyone? - My manager.33: Have you ever kissed someone older than you? - Yes34: How old will the last person you kissed be on his/her next birthday? - She'll be 19.35: How many more days until your birthday? - 21 DAYSSSS!!!! Unless I counted wrong lol.36: Do you have any summer plans yet? - Well, I work Sundays - Thursdays, and then Fridays and Saturdays I go out with my faves. My Fridays are literally reserved for Abe.37: Do you have any good friends of the opposite sex? - Yes, only like 3 though. Kevin, Jimmy, and Fred. 38: Are you keeping anything from your best friend(s) now? - Yeah, but it's for a good reason. 39: Do you have a secret that you’ve never told anyone? - Mhm.40: Have you ever regretted kissing someone? - Yes. 41: Do you think age matters in relationships? - Depends on how large of an age gap we're talking here. 42: Are you available? - in what sense??? I'm single if that counts.43: How many people have you had real, strong feelings for since high school ended? - 2. One ended in a mess, and this one probably will too. Oh well.44: If you had to get a piercing (not ears), what would you get? - I already have my nose, which is the only one I want. 45: Do you believe exes can be friends? - I think it really depends on how the relationship ended and the circumstances.46: Do you regret anything? - Yes.47: Honestly, what’s on your mind right now? - Tomorrow night.48: Did you ever lose a best friend? - Yeah, but it was more of like we grew apart.49: Was your last kiss a mistake? - Yes.50: Why aren’t you pursuing the person you like? - It's so complicated oh my goodness. It'll just end badly if I try anything, so I'm just going with the flow. If it happens, it happens.51: Has the last person you kissed ever seen you cry? - Yeah, we dated for 2 years so.52: Do you still talk with the person you LAST kissed? - Hahaha no.53: What was the last thing you ate? - A hotdog. 54: Did you get any compliments today? - I got a bunch of compliments on my haircut and eyebrows at work today. 😊55: Where are you going on your next vacation? - Hopefully somewhere fun. 56: Do you own anything from other countries? - Yeah, I have some souvenirs from Greece, Italy, and Turkey.57: Are most of your friend guys or girls? - Girls. 58: Where have you lived most of your life? - Florida 🙄59: When was the last time you took a long drive? - I mean every Friday I drive like an hour to see Abe. But like super long? I drove to Georgia in February. 60: Have you ever played Spin the Bottle? - in middle school.61: Have you ever TPd someone’s house? - nah.62: Who do you text the most? - I think Abe over text, but I mostly use Snapchat with Alexa.63: What was the last movie you saw? - Hush. It was fucking creepy. 64: What’s preventing your current boyfriend/girlfriend from going back to their ex? - I don't have a current anyone.65: How many boyfriends/girlfriends did you have in 2011? - I was like 14, fuck if I know.66: Is the last person you kissed younger than you? - Yeah, by a year and 3 months.67: Do you curse around your parents? - All the time, its a horrible habit I have.68: Are you happy with where you live? - I'll be happier when I move out with my fave person next year, let's just say that.69: Picture of yourself? - If anyone actually reads these, send me a "anon" and I'll post one. 70: Are you a monogamous person or do you believe in open-ended relationships? - Monogamous.71: Have you ever been dumped? - Yeah, it was a shitty feeling.72: What do you most like about making out? - Idk, it's just nice. 73: Have you ever casually made out with someone who you weren’t seriously involved with? - Hah yeah. It was a disaster though, because I ended up liking her.74: When you kiss someone for the first time, is it usually you who initiates it or the other? - I'm a wimp unless I know you like me. If I know you like me, I'll initiate it. Otherwise you'll have to kiss me. 75: What part of a person’s body do you find most attractive? - Shit, I love a good smile and pretty eyes.76: Who was the last person you talked to last night before you went to bed? - Last night?? Uh, I think I was snapping Alexa. 77: Had sex with someone you knew less than an hour? - Nope.78: Had sex with someone you didn’t know their name? - Nope.79: What makes your heart flutter and brings a big cheesy smile to your face? - The cutest videos I've ever taken oops. 80: Would you get involved with someone if they had a child already? - Yeah, I don't think I would let that stop me. As long as there was nothing between them and the other person still in that sense. 81: Has someone who had a crush on you ever confessed to you? - Yeah. This kid I work with asked me out like 3 times but I keep telling him no haha. I'm nice about it of course, but still.82: Do you tell a lot of people when you have a crush? - Sometimes I will, but I won't say who. 83: Do you miss your last sweetie? - I miss the memories, not the person anymore.84: Last time you slow danced with someone? - As a joke like a month or so ago. For real, at least a year ago. 85: Have you ever ‘dated’ someone you’ve never met? - No86: How can I win your heart? - I literally doubt anyone's reading these hahahaha. But.. just talk to me honestly. I love sarcasm, horrible jokes, music. Talk to me about stupid things, and just be real. 87: What is your astrological sign? - My sign has a horrible reputation, but I'm a Gemini. 88: What were you doing last night at 12 AM? - Sleeping89: Do you cook? - I can, yes. But I only cook for special people. 90: Have you ever gotten back in touch with an old flame after a time of more than 3 months of no communication? - Yeah. 91: If you’re single right now, do you wish you were in a relationship? - I am single. I think if it was with the right person I'd want it.92: Do you prefer to date various people or do you pretty much fall into monogamous relationships quickly? - Monogamous93: What physical traits do you look for in a potential interest? - Idk honestly. 94: Name four things that you wish you had! - Money for more tattoos. - Tickets to see Hayley Kiyoko. - A rope necklace with like something cool on it. - Better shoes with more support lol.95: Are you a player? - No, but I'm a huge flirt. I'm loyal as hell when I'm with someone, but if im single, im a huge flirt. 96: Have you ever kissed 2 people in one day? - Yes, but it was during a game of truth or dare.97: Are you a tease? - I can be.98: Ever meet anyone you met on Tumblr? - I don't think so.99: Have you ever been deeply in love with someone? - Yeah, it fucked me up.100: Anybody on Tumblr that you’d go on a date with? - Yes, but I'm not giving names.101: Hugs or Kisses? - Depends honestly.102: Are you too shy to ask someone out? - Haha yes. I'm a huge flirt but unless you outright tell me you like me, I won't ask you out in fear of rejection. 103: The first thing you notice about the opposite sex? - Smile I guess. 104: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you babe? - I LOVE ITTTTT105: If a sexy person was pursuing you, but you knew he/she was in relationship, would you go for it? - Nah, I don't do homewrecking. One thing that's important to remember though. If someone is willing to cheat with you, they'll cheat on you.106: Do you flirt a lot? - I am a HUGE flirt. Honestly, we could be friends and not be anything romantically ever and I'd still flirt with you by accident. 107: Your last kiss? - My ex.108: Have you kissed more than 5 people since the start of 2012? - Yes109: Have you kissed anyone in the past month? - I think it's been about a month now.110: If you could kiss anyone who would it be? - Someone...111: Do you know who you’ll kiss next? - I have no clue. 112: Does someone like you currently? - If you do, please step forward haha.113: Do you currently have feelings for anyone? - Yeah, but I'm currently just pushing it under the rug.114: Do you like to be in serious relationships or just flings? - I like serious stuff. If I feel it won't be serious, I will say something.115: Ever made out with just a friend? - Hahahaahhaha116: Are you happier single or in a relationship? - Depends.117: Your own question that you want me to answer. Just write it.- Okayyyy