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ruewrites · 3 years

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Wait asks being open means requests are open right??? If yes OH MY GOD IVE BEEN PRAYING FOR THIS DAY SINCE AGES

Could you pls pls pls pls do a dialuci fic except it's a royal au? Like dia and Luci are set to get married but Luci didn't want to until he saw Dia?? I know this isn't your primary ship but it would mean the WORLD to me (*˘︶˘*).｡*♡

Meeting His Prince

AO3

Ship: Diavolo/Lucifer

Word Count: 2008

Warnings: None

A/N: Hi Anon! First of all, thank you. When I finished up WBT, I was thinking about writing a royalty au, and this request acutally made me plot it out. I guess this will be a psuedo prequel to it? But I want Dialuci to be a ship in it. Anyways, I hope you enjoy this!

Lucifer had his clothing pressed and his crown polished. A crowned prince had to make a good impression being the shining jewel of the growing empire of Arcadia. Yet it wasn’t his clothing that worried his father. It was Lucifer’s expression.

To say he was happy was far from correct. Lucifer never gave much thought to marriage. Honestly, he’d be happy ruling Arcadia without anyone by his side. He’d spent much of his time caring for his siblings and learning how to rule over the kingdom, so an heir wasn’t an idea he was fond of. It was something he knew had been expected of him as well. Producing a strong line of future kings and queens to lead Arcadia had been in the stars for him according to his father.

Perhaps he had read the stars wrong.

The memory of Father bursting through the palace doors uttering curses under his breath. Apparently the prince had been rather persistent with his demands. His father wanted to make an alliance with this kingdom horribly so. Apparently the prince was rather effective in the way he ruled and was a skilled strategist. He would be a powerful addition to Arcadia, but he was stubborn once he’d made his decision. Strategist indeed if he could get the King of Arcadia to give into his demands. The anger in the king’s eyes when he told Lucifer that he had been chosen burned Lucifer’s very soul.

Lucifer knew where this anger was coming from, not that he cared all that much. He’d never really given too much thought to what his paternal figure wanted from him. Why start now?

His siblings had all had varying reactions: sighing about the ‘romance’ of the situation, poking fun at him, and in some cases offering sympathy. He just wanted to stay neutral about it. The end goal for him was to be a worthy future king of Arcadia, this was just a stepping stone he had to take to get there. Other issues surrounding this engagement could be figured out with time. He had time. He just needed to stay level headed.

He hadn’t noticed the clock ticking down to his wedding day, he hadn’t even realized that he’d never met his fiance despite the flood of letters that were sent his way once a month. It seemed odd. Lucifer wasn’t really sure how to react to the attention and aggressive affection. The entire situation felt more like a relationship with a paramour rather than an arranged marriage for the good of their kingdoms. For now, it was best to push it to the back of his mind and deal with it when the time came. There wasn’t any point in fighting anything lest he cause conflict that would certainly affect more people than just him.

Ah the life of being a royal.

Lovely wasn’t it?

The day of the foreign prince’s arrival, Lucifer spent hours pacing around the palace overlooking every tiny detail. Of course he could change his mind at any moment and Lucifer couldn’t have that happen. This was for the good of Arcadia. He glanced over the arrangement of food on the table one last time before letting out a sigh.

Composure was key.

He was the pride of Arcadia.

Nothing could break him.

Nothing could throw him off guard.

Nothing-

“Lucifer!”

Lucifer didn’t even have time to process the situation. Strong arms wrapped around him, suffocating him in a tight embrace. He struggled, gasping for air and attempting to escape from the steel grip capturing him. When he did manage some distance, his hair was a mess and his clothes were disheveled.

Golden eyes met his own, sparkling like gold coins reflecting the summer sun.

“You’re even more beautiful in person,” the other prince’s voice came out as a whisper, as firm hands gently cupped his face, “You’re as radiant as an angel-”

He was a puppy. A giant puppy.

“Oh how lucky I am to be married to such a gorgeous man.”

“We’re not married yet,“ Lucifer hoped he didn’t sputter as he pulled away. This was hardly the professional meeting he’d been expecting. This was their first time meeting before their wedlock, and Lucifer had been thrown off balance.

He could do professional.

He couldn’t do whatever… whatever this was.

“Well, we’ll be married soon.”

“Your Highness-”

“Diavolo.”

Lucifer stopped in his tracks. All he could do was stare at those big shiny eyes. “Excuse me?”

“Please call me by my name. I’d like to hear how perfect it sounds on your tongue,” Diavolo repeated.

Heat rose into Lucifer’s face and he hoped it didn’t show. Quickly, he turned away and started walking towards one end of the table. “In any case, you’ve had a long trip. Why don’t-”

No sooner had Lucifer sat than Diavolo swooped in to scoot a chair closer to him. This man really didn’t have any sense of personal space did he? This was unfamiliar territory. Lucifer expected him to sit on the opposite end, allowing him to keep some distance between them. That’s how people were to stay. At a nice, respectable distance to be observed and to exchange pleasantries, but no closer. Diavolo was a stranger, yet he refused to act like one.

“I want to know everything about you,” Diavolo sounded as if he was marvelling at a being from another word. It was an unsettling feeling, “You’re favorite music, what you like to do in your free time, everything about you.”

Lucifer scooted away ever so slightly. Diavolo followed.

“Why would you care about any of that?”

This was business.

“Because we’re getting married.”

That didn’t mean he had to know anything about Lucifer.

But Diavolo had a nice laugh. It was booming and made Lucifer’s lips twitch upward ever so slightly. Everything about him was warm. Warmth Lucifer had never known before.

He tried to touch his face once more, Lucifer turned away. It was instinct. Lucifer wasn’t accustomed to being touched.

“You act like no one’s ever acted like this with you before!”

“That’s because no one has,” his eye glanced toward Diavolo, “My family isn’t exactly touchy.”

More specifically his father. He didn’t like touchiness, he thought it would make them weak. Therefore, physical affection wasn’t common when their father was around, especially not with Lucifer. He was their crown prince. He needed to be strong and rule without anything in his way.

Diavolo’s demeanor changed, his shoulders fell, his eyes widened, and his mouth fell.

“Don’t apologize. It’s not anything worth pitying. It happened and there’s nothing that can be done to change it,” he sighed, leaning back in his chair, “It’s what he thought best for the future of Arcadia.”

You threw a wrench in his plans.

And for that, well, Lucifer couldn’t help but feel a little satisfied. After pushing him and his siblings to follow certain path all of their lives, it was nice to see something not go as planned for a change. Lucifer wouldn’t be having heirs, and that was fine by him. Any interruption counted as a victory for him, no matter how small.

“I am sorry,” Diavol’s voice was more even and calmer than it had been before, “For how I have been behaving though. It must have been startling to you. Please forgive me.”

Lucifer turned his head back towards him and quirked his eyebrow.

“My own father was very affectionate when I was young, I suppose I just miss it, and I’d like to share that with you, if you’ll allow me.”

Lucifer thought for a moment, allowing silence to permeate in the room. If asked, he’d say he did it to make Diavolo sweat, but in reality he was genuinely thinking it over. “I suppose, perhaps with time.”

The way he beamed made Lucifer’s heart skip a beat, “Then let’s get to dinner and start to know each other a little better, shall we?”

***

Enjoying the evening had not been on Lucifer’s list of things to do, but he wouldn’t complain.

“You like dogs? I could get you a dog as a wedding present.”

Lucifer laughed, “Father wouldn’t allow it. He’s not fond of animals.”

“Well he can’t stop me from getting a present that you would like. “

This man defying his father? Heavens help them. Perhaps Lucifer liked him a little more than he thought. It wasn’t something he was used to. He’d never had a relationship like this before. This was the first time he felt like he’d had a genuine conversation with someone outside of his family. For once, Lucifer felt a little relaxed.

Diavolo was genuinely interested in what Lucifer liked. He wrote down how Lucifer took his tea, wanted to listen to all of his favorite songs with him, and what he liked to do in his free time. He wanted to play chess with him and spend time with him in any way he could.

It made Lucifer’s feel warm and his chest lurch. He loved the smile that found its way onto his face and how Diavolo’s voice surrounded him. Perhaps he’d found a new favorite song.

He felt like he’d known Diavolo for ages.

He made it easier for Lucifer to breathe.

“Diavolo-”

Diavolo froze. His eyes went wide again, “You said my name.”

Lucifer didn’t get a chance to move before he was being lifted off the ground and spun in the air. Diavolo’s booming laugh surrounded them.

“Oh you said my name! And it was perfect! More than perfect!” he lowered Lucifer only to bring him into a kiss. Now it was Lucifer’s turn to freeze. His face quickly turned red as his eyes flew open. He stiffened, and tried to bring himself back. He’d never been kissed before. A crown prince had to be careful when it came to his image, and he’d had more important things to focus on than starting romances that would lead to nowhere. He’d always known he’d be married off to someone else, so he didn’t really see a point in seeking out others for romance.

Lucifer never thought about what it would be like to be kissed.

He wasn’t exactly sure about what to think now.

When Diavolo pulled away the terror seemed to set it. “Oh I’m sorry! I- I went too far-”

As he mumbled, Lucifer felt himself come back. It was when he realized how nervous the other prince was. He was energetic and was the opposite of Lucifer himself. Instead of going silent like Lucifer did, Diavolo seemed to ramble even more. With a chuckle and the shake of his head, Lucifer put his finger tips under Diavolo’s chin and brought his focus back to him.

Lucifer wasn’t one to be won over so easily, but there was something about this man that made him think their union wouldn’t be a bad one. Perhaps he could make his life a little more interesting.

If he could force his father into doing something that he didn’t want to do, like agreeing to the condition of Diavolo getting to marry his crown prince, Lucifer figured he would like him.

“I will have to kiss my husband eventually, you’re an awfully excitable man Diavolo. I think I quite enjoy that about you,” he smiled, before placing a gentler kiss onto his lips.

If Diavolo wanted to play the role of adoring husband Lucifer wouldn’t stop him. Maybe marriage wouldn’t be as bad as he thought. Perhaps he could rule Arcadia with another person effectively after all.

When they pulled away, Lucifer caressed his face, “I think I could see myself participating in acts of affection in private.”

He and Diavolo walked a little closer on the rest of their stroll, and he found himself leaning into his shoulder every now and again.

Perhaps he could get used to this.

Perhaps he would lead Arcadia into a new age, and be an even better ruler with Diavolo at his side.

It would be a future to look forward to.

#ruewrites #anon #ask #anon ask #royalty!au #arranged marriage!au #obey me #obey me diavolo #obey me lucifer #dialuci #diavolo x lucifer

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calumcest · 4 years

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love would burn this city down for you

this fic is brought to you by the following: 1. my deep love of malum 2. my deep, deep love of cities 3. if i had a gun by noel gallagher listened to on repeat for about two hours straight 4. a very comfortable spot and too much time to think

There’s something so comforting about the city.

Calum remembers the first time he’d got it, that rush of everything and nothing and beauty and reverence as he’d stared out at the brightly-lit scene before him, overwhelmed and trying his best to drink it all in. Fuck me, he’d thought, a delicious numbness licking at his nerves. I’m fucking irrelevant.

(It was the first time he’d ever known peace.)

It feels odd, Calum thinks, as he leans back against the stone statue he’s sat on the steps of, still warm from the August sun. It feels counterintuitive, really, that something as chaotic as a city could be the one place he feels peace. It feels like he’s got it the wrong way around, like the countryside should feel free and open and the city should feel tight and claustrophobic. It doesn’t make sense, really, that the one time his lungs feel their clearest is when he’s gulping in polluted air. He shouldn’t be able to think his clearest when his mind is crowded among millions of others, shouldn’t feel his lightest under the heavy, light-polluted clouds, shouldn’t see his sharpest when his vision is dotted with harsh orange and red and yellow.

He does, though. It makes his heart slow, thudding in time to the traffic crawling past on the busy road behind him, makes his breathing even out, inhaling as the sounds of sirens get closer and closer, exhaling as they fade away again.

There’s nothing quite like feeling irrelevant. Calum’s felt it in every which way; when he’d been forgotten while people were choosing partners at school, when his suggestions for songs had been ignored, when Michael had picked Luke to take him to the hospital instead of Calum. There’s nothing like that gut-wrenching, sinking feeling, that bitter taste in his mouth, that lump in his throat that won’t budge no matter how much he swallows.

There’s nothing like this, though, either. There’s nothing like looking out at a city spread before him, at the picture that looks so static but is swelling and contracting as the people running through its veins breathe in and out, and feeling irrelevant. It starts in his lungs, enters his bloodstream along with the carbon monoxide, wrapping itself around every single one of his nerves and numbing the dull ache in his heart, sharpening the wispy corners of his soul. There’s nothing like looking out at the city, at the unequivocal scene of life, and feeling like nothing. Just another cog in the wheel, just another fleeting blood cell pumping through the city’s arteries, sustaining it for now and preserving it for others. He’s nothing, to the city. It’ll go on without him, and it’ll go on after him, and nothing he does can stop that.

It’s a feeling of sheer bliss, Calum thinks, inhaling deeply and tasting the mixture of diesel and trees that makes up the streets he walks every day. So much of his life is focused, holding the very fabric of himself under a microscope and picking at the threads, panicking when he finds one fraying or someone holds a match to the edges of his tapestry. Everything feels so overwhelming then, like every small step and tiny decision can tip the balance of the future, like every mistake he makes will cost him opportunities and options, like his life is on the line with every move he makes. He walks the tightrope with bated breath, edging along it looking steadfastly down at his feet, at the way his toes move centimetre by centimetre, too focused on not falling off to even see what he’s walking towards. It doesn’t matter, though, he thinks then; just don’t fall.

Here, though, leaning against a statue that was placed here two hundred years before Calum was born, staring out at a city that’s seen more lives pass through it than Calum could ever possibly see in his own lifetime, it’s different. Here, he doesn’t matter. Nothing he does can have a lasting impact, and maybe that should scare him, but it makes his shoulders slump, makes the tension drain out of him with every breath. There’s nothing quite like the freedom of knowing whatever he does doesn’t matter, because it means he can do whatever he wants. He’s only one of millions of people, here, not Calum Hood, bassist in 5SOS, or Cal, best friend of Ashton and Luke, or Calum, brother and son and cousin. He’s nobody, means nothing to anyone, has no roles to play, no expectations to fulfil. He’s just him, and for once, that’s enough.

Calum never tells Michael he’s here, but Michael always knows. There are usually signs, Calum supposes, tension in his shoulders and too-long hesitations before he replies to something he’s been asked, but only Michael ever notices them, gets that little crease between his brows when Calum zones out a few moments too long. So Calum’s not really surprised when someone sits down next to him, a little too close for comfort to be anyone other than Michael, the scent of spice and pine and home mingling with the diesel and the trees.

“Hey,” Michael says, and shifts so he’s pressed right up against Calum, the entire right-hand side of his body nestled against the entire left-hand side of Calum’s.

“Hi,” Calum says. He doesn’t turn around, because he doesn’t need to, just keeps blinking out at the lights of houses and offices and restaurants glimmering in the polluted air. Michael understands what he needs when he’s out here, and he lets him take it, offers himself up as an anchor for Calum to make sure he doesn’t get too lost out in the sea of bright white and harsh blue and flashing red.

Michael doesn’t say anything for a while, just lets Calum be, lets him breathe in the diesel and the trees and the spice and the pine and stare out at the tiny lights, each one a sign of a life and a story, until they dance behind his eyelids. Maybe it shouldn’t help, having Michael here, and maybe it shouldn’t make sense that when Calum wants to be alone he wants to be alone with Michael, but it makes sense to Calum. Michael has a part of Calum’s soul stored safely in his heart, and Calum can’t fully be alone if he hasn’t got all of himself there, can he?

Calum doesn’t know how much time has passed by the time Michael speaks again, can’t tell whether it’s been minutes or hours, no sun to tell him it’s past his bedtime or almost time to get up again, but it’s been as long as Calum needs. His lungs are full now, carbon monoxide and nitrogen dioxide, and his heart is thudding slowly, beating in time with the flashing beacons on the top of the skyscrapers in front of him, and his soul is curled in on itself, rippling in the warmth of its peace.

“Are you ready to go?”

He is. He’s ready to go home, ready to shake himself out of his reverie and start feeling his way back into being Calum Hood or Cal or Calum again, ready to groan at Michael’s bad jokes and laugh at his good ones, but he doesn’t want to. He knows what Calum Hood and Cal and Calum have to do, knows their busy schedules and the phone calls and the songs on their to-do lists, and he doesn’t want to go back to that just yet. He wants to stay here with Michael, suspended in this moment in time, one of the millions of city lights.

“Yeah,” he says, but he doesn’t move. Michael hums next to him, like he sort of gets what Calum’s saying. Of course he does, just like he’d known when Calum had got his fill of the pollution and the lights and the beauty; he keeps a part of Calum wrapped up inside him, after all.

“D’you want me to stay?” he asks. Calum nods, and holds his hand out in front of the two of them, spreading his fingers wide. Of course he wants Michael to stay; he’s never wanted Michael to go.

Michael looks at Calum’s hand for a moment, lit up by the bright lights of the skyscrapers in front of them, fingers casting shadows across his palm, and then brings his own hand up, slots his fingers in between Calum’s. They shouldn’t fit, Calum thinks, Calum’s long, slender fingers and Michael’s short, stubby ones, but they do. He can feel the slow, steady thudding of Michael’s heart in his thumb and his palm, and it makes his own heart sigh in relief, the final piece of the puzzle made up of concrete and iron and brick for Calum to feel complete.

And that’s just it, really, Calum thinks, as he feels Michael’s leg pressed against his and the warmth of Michael’s arm against his own and the soft ridges of Michael’s knuckles, and looks out at the city sprawling in front of him. It doesn’t really matter where he is, or how he’s feeling, or what he needs, because the missing piece of the puzzle is always Michael.

He squeezes Michael’s hand gently, briefly, trying to get across in the gesture what he knows he won’t be able to express in words, and out of the corner of his eye he sees Michael smile, a small, genuine smile that plays at the corners of his lips, and then he squeezes back. He gets it, even though Calum doesn’t have the words to say it.

It doesn’t really matter that Calum doesn’t have the words, though, because nothing could ever be as eloquent an I love you as the two of them in a sea of millions, fingers intertwined, heartbeats in sync.

#malum #5sos fic #5sos fanfic #5sos slash #5sos fanfiction #i wrote this all on my phone so i SINCERELY apologise for errors #please be gentle on it for that reason i dont ever write on my phone but i had no choice #cant be lugging my laptop out w me

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hermionegranger56 · 4 years

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ok lads its time for my breakdown of folklore, something absolutely no one is asking for but here we are!! this album. thIs ALBUMMMM. dear GOD. the intersection of my two favorite things, taylor swift and indie folk???? i feel like i’m dreaming. when she announced the surprise drop i literally burst into tears and evidently for good reason lol.

anywho here’s the thing. Red has been my all time favorite album for 8 years now. it holds such an important place in my life and i never thought anything she did could come close (though Lover almost did). but this. THIS IS BETTER THAN RED

the lyrical genius is unmatched here. taylor isn’t just writing songs here, this is POETRY. every song is nuanced, intricate, devastatingly beautiful, with words that’ll haunt me for a long time. and the fact that it’s stories, literal folklore, no longer just about her own life is incredibly creative and is executed so well for someone who has interwoven her life into her entire body of music thus far. folklore blends facts with fiction so seamlessly and is a true exhibition of taylor’s power as a songwriter.

and the vibessss!! from haunting heartbreak songs, to ethereal lost-in-the-woods vibes, to a comforting return to her old self, this album has everything. taylor is without a doubt one of the most versatile artists of our generation, having success and skill in multiple genres and folklore only solidifies this fact.

ALL RIGHT KIDS LETS JUMP IN

the 1: hell yeah explicit tswift give it to me lol you ARE on some new shit!! ok when i first listened to this i hadn’t read her statement about the other perspectives and i was about to RIOT about her and joe breaking up (like they could ever lol). this is such a catchy beat, such a casual?? look at such a painful feeling? a really good start to this album. the part where she goes another day waking up aLONE killlllllls me wow

fave lines: “in my defense i have none/for never leaving well enough alone”

cardigan: (don’t get me started on the mv it’s gorgeous) YES THE TEENAGE LOVE TRIANGLE suchhh a good concept!! the melody of this song is unreal, the chorus makes me want to scream it’s so beautiful, the i-i-i is SOMETHING ELSE. it’s crazy how just the melody makes betty’s pain so palpable, but so enchanting at the same time. it’s bittersweet and cinematic and i’m in love. PETER LOSING WENDY GOD. easily top 5 song here

fave lines: “when you are young they assume you know nothing”, “cause i knew you/ heartbeat on the high line/ once in 20 lifetimes i” “you drew stars around my scars/but now i’m bleeding”

the last great american dynasty: watch hill!!! her watch hill house!! i live near there!! oh i think this song is so clever and i love how it ties into mad woman as well as harkens back to starlight. i LOVE the way she ties her self in, “and then it was bought by me” like ughhh her mind? and its catchy AF

fave lines: “i had a marvelous time ruining everything”

exile: YOU KNOW HOW TO DO AN INDIE ALBUM??? BRING BON IVER INTO THIS SHIT!! wowww this song is haunting and is definitely the “i’m you but stronger” version of The Last Time. the overlap of both of them singing and their parallel lines are flawless. i could play this on repeat for hours and contemplate my whole existence

fave lines: “you never gave a warning sign/i gave so many signs”

my tears ricochet: ok somehow a track 5 with tears in the title is not the saddest song here but DAMN is it good. I love the visual of someone watching over their funeral and reacting. the music is stunningggg here. ALSO i am pretty convinced this is about the whole scott/scooter drama, like the lyrics fit so well? and she said it was the first song she wrote so the timeline kinda fits?? geniusss

fave lines: “I didn’t have it in myself to go with grace”, “and if i’m dead to you/why are you at the wake?”

mirrorball: ohhhh this one is so pretty!! it just makes me want to dance around the kitchen with the person i love??? its comforting, ethereal, happyyy ugh i love it. I also think it could be about her relationship with her fans? like her music shows us different sides of ourselves idk? or just absorbing into a relationship?

fave lines: “on my tallest tiptoes/shining just for you”

seven: i’m gonna call this now: this is going to be the most underrated song on this album. it is STUNNING. POETIC. HEARTBREAKING. the music is so hauntingly nostalgic. and the lyrics, holy absolute shit. they’re a delicate testament to childhood, memory, and innocent love. it’s gut wrenching and i love it so so much

fave lines: “i’ve been meaning to tell you/i think your house is haunted/your dad is always mad/and that must be why”, “and just like folk song/our love will be passed on”, “before i learned civility/ i used to scream ferociously” ALL OF IT

august: and now we get the girl james cheated with’s perspective, which i think is great. its sunny, wistful and sad underneath all that beautiful production. when she slides from the chorus to the “back when we we’re changing for the better” and hits that “mineeee to lose” GOD, it just fills your chest. i feel like even if you never have, this makes anyone feel like they know exactly what a summer fling feels like. one of my faves

fave lines: “august slipped away/like a bottle of wine”, “cancel my plans just in case you call/ and say meet me behind the mall”

this is me trying: the slow pacing of this melody serves to show these EXQUISITE lyrics here. this is so intimate and personal and i feel like everyone can relate to this feeling of just trying to hold on and put on a brave face?

fave lines: “they told me all of my cages were mental/ so i got wasted like all my potential”

illicit affairs: ok all you need to know about this one is a) I’m obsessed b) this is the closest she has come to creating a bridge that makes me feel like the All Too Well bridge has, like scream sobbing in the car type vibe??? its unreal. and this song makes me feel that shitty feeling of: “this was supposed to be casual but oops its very much not” hmmm maybe that’s where the scream sobbing comes from hahah

fave lines: “don’t call me kid/don’t call me baby/look at this godforsaken mess that you made me/you showed me colors you know i can’t see with anyone else”

invisible string: this. THIS is probably her most stunning love song. like. i thought it was Lover. i was wrong. this one is confidently from Taylor’s perspective, about Joe and dear lord i want a love like theirs. and shit does this song put the folk in folklore, the music is so simple and gorgeous and harkens back to her country roots without losing this new sound she has. and the first few notes remind me of Mystery of Love by Sufjan Stevens so instantly im sold. this and betty are tied for my number 1, it’s just too beautiful

fave lines: “time curious time/give me no compasses/give me no signs” “isn’t it just so pretty to think/all along there was some invisible string/tying you to me”, “cold was steel of the axe that i had to grind/for the boys who broke my heart/now i buy their babies presents”, “hell was the journey/but it brought me heaven”

mad woman: FUCK YOU FOREVERRRRRR!!! yes taylor said fuckkkk ugh i LOVE this vibe, the revenge of the mad woman that the town cast out is so eerie and powerful, i’m obsessed. it ties back into the maddest woman of TLGAD and it feels like a spiritual sequel to The Man, the same feminist thread weaving through it. the lyrics are razor sharp and biting, i love it

fave lines: “and you poke that bear/till the claws come out/ and you find something/ to wrap your noose around”, “it’s obvious wanting me dead has really brought you two together”

epiphany: so uhhh THIS is the saddest song on folklore. fight me. the seamless comparison between wartime and the pandemic and waiting for some epiphany that could make sense of all the horrors surrounding the both. idk man, as someone who’s been a covid nurse since March, i just….this one HURTS. similar to Soon You’ll Get Better tbh

fave lines: “hold your hand through plastic now/doc i think she’s crashing out/and somethings you just can’t speak about”

betty: OH I LOVE IT WITH MY WHOLE HEART! this is such a TRIUMPHANT return to old taylor, it is so joyful but sad at the same time?? the harmonica?? the last part of the love triangle?? it sounds like Taylor Swift and Fearless all grown up and it makes me ache for back then, but love where we are right now. tbh the first time i heard this i sobbed through the whole thing just out of pure nostalgia. she’s back but at the same time she never left. this feels like a love song to original fans and it. is. incredible. my favoriteeee goddd

fave lines: THE WHOLE CHORUS BABYYYYY

peace: it’s gorgeous, especially the guitarrr ugh. this feels like delicate’s quiet older sister. i think it’s definitely about joe and how taylor, despite loving him, still has these insecurities and fears about what a relationship with someone in her position could be like? like there will be struggles, but he’s her family and she “would die for you in secret”. stunning

fave lines: “i’m a fire and i’ll keep your brittle heart warm”, “the devils in the detail/but you’ve got a friend in me”, “give you my wild/give you a child”

hoax: i’m surprised she ended it on a sad one (but we still have the lakes!!) but this song is hauntingly beautiful WOW. every line of this absolutely floors me. i think this one will also be largely underrated, but it is pure poetry and deserves so so much hype

fave lines: “stood on the cliffside/screaming give me a reason/your faithless love’s the only hoax i believe in”, “it still hurts underneath my scars/from when they pulled me apart/but what you did was just as dark” “my kingdom come undone/ my broken drum/ you have beaten my heart”

ANYWHO TAYLOR HAS PRODUCED HER BEST WORK TO DATE AND IM READY FOR SAD GIRL AUTUMN

#taylor swift #folklore #tswift #folklore the album #taylor swift folklore #ts8 folklore #folklore era #betty #august #cardigan #exile

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songisforyou · 4 years

Text

Now We Sit in Your Car, and Our Love Is a Ghost (5/8)

I keep playing on repeat / the same set of memories / I’m in the passenger seat / and you are there next to me.

The first boy I date is one I learn to care for on a twenty-four hour drive to Colorado, and on seven-hour drives to and from Kentucky. I don’t think I am ever in love with him, but I learn to love asking him questions in the bubble of the front seat, the night flashing by outside. Inside that bubble, there are no secrets, nothing is too stupid to say, everything we say is full of meaning, and I get to choose the music for hours on end.

I like the way the hours slip away when they’re ours / and I like the way the highway waves goodbye behind the car.

I remember the boy distinctly drenched in the gold of sunrise on the drive back, crossing state after state until the sunrise becomes a sunset and we finally find home in the middle of the night. I sit next to him, trying to memorize his profile, wondering if he sees me the way I see him: beautiful. Wondering if he sees me the way I see him: in great detail, observing the angle of his wrist, one hand holding the bottom of the steering wheel, the way he sings along quietly when I pick the right song.

I know you like wide open spaces / and long horizon lines. / The sun sets in the rearview mirror, we’re / almost out of time.

I write songs about him. They are songs about cars, about sitting next to the driver. Of course Lorde, too, falls in love in a car, and the car serves as the vehicle to convey her love story.

The journey starts in Pure Heroine. In Pure Heroine, “400 Lux,” Lorde sings, “you pick me up and take me home again / head out the window again,” and the chorus calls to mind endless cookie-cutter blocks passing by in the suburbs, the roads “where the houses don’t change / where we can talk like there’s something to say.” She captures the magic of feeling important, of how the car can turn the trivial into the essential, the mundane into the meaningful, providing the closest thing to freedom that she can find in suburbia.

The final track of the album, “A World Alone,” opens “That slow-burn wait while it gets dark / bruising the sun. / I feel grown-up with you in your car. / I know it’s dumb.” I think of this stanza all the time. I play it on almost every car ride when the sunset begins giving way to dusk. The sentiment is the same as in “400 Lux,” where the car becomes a place where we are important. We can fall in love because we can talk to each other here, and in this car, we inhabit a world alone. Maybe it’s stupid. It’s almost unbearably tender, the simple music behind the words, the lone notes, the space around them, the gradient of soft color against the car, the lump in my throat. Maybe I look back one day and think that the things I said were trivial, not as profound as I thought, that I was just a kid—but it doesn’t matter. In those moments, we believe in what we say to each other. We hear each other.

Lorde doesn’t have a driver’s license (to this day). Like me, she is always in the passenger seat, never alone, never an independent traveler, always existing in relation. In his car, she must have felt like an adult. I wonder if she wanted to reach over the seat and touch his face, if she kept looking at him when he was looking at the road, drinking him in, waiting for his eyes to flicker toward her and back to the street, if she sang harmony along with the radio and wondered if he thought her voice was pretty (it’s unconventional, a low, alto growl, but it becomes addictive, works its way into the heart of the listener)—if she did all the same things I did, craved the same things I craved, worried, like I worried, that she was making too much of these moments. Is it stupid?

In Melodrama, we hear the aftereffects of the love, the memory of it. The two songs that mention his car are “Hard Feelings” and “Supercut,” a song about the end and a song about remembering the beginning after the end has come.

In the first, she writes “now we sit in your car / and our love is a ghost.” I swallow these words on long car rides with my ex, when we are in the same group for weekend climbing trips. In the second, the ghost is explored. A supercut is a montage, and Lorde’s is one that cuts together “all the magic we gave off / All the love we had and lost.” In her head, the same moments replay — “In your car, the radio up / In your car, the radio up.” The line repeats itself like the memories, abruptly cutting back, somewhere between supercut and short-circuit. “We keep trying to talk about us / I’m someone you maybe might love.” The song calls back to “400 Lux” and “A World Alone,” a beautiful representation of the way we remember our relationships, our habit of recalling the best parts, of getting lost in nostalgia, finding ourselves wrapped up by the ribbons that tie us to the people we loved.

The love is remembered in one car; the post-breakup recovery in another. “Liability,” one of the most vulnerable, heart-wrenching songs on Melodrama, expresses Lorde’s attempt to come to terms with her breakup, opening with “Baby really hurt me / crying in the taxi / he don’t want to know me.” She is no longer welcome in his car. He doesn’t want to know her (“he,” not “you,” a far cry from the intimacy they shared). Instead, we imagine, he has put her in a cab. A stranger drives her home. Similarly, the entire album begins with “I do my makeup in / Somebody else’s car. / We order different drinks / At the same bar.” We know from this line that she is going to the same place as he is, but she can’t go there with him. She has to take someone else’s car. To begin the album this way is to emphasize the excruciating awareness Lorde has of their parallel paths and the distance between them.

The recovery, in the end, requires finding a new way to move through the world. “I ride the subway, read the signs,” she sings in the second verse of “Writer in the Dark.” In real life, while writing the album, she “took lots of subway rides, auditioning rough mixes of songs on cheap earbuds, which helped give her a sense of how the music would sound in daily life.” The subway is independent, solitary. It enables her to focus on her work. It doesn’t require her to dedicate her attention to the person next to her, the way conversation in the car does. It might be something like her new life, the one where she faces thousands of strangers every night instead of facing the specific person she once loved from the passenger seat. On the subway, in the stadium, she is always on display yet perhaps often unseen, unknown. She has emerged from the privacy of a love affair (in his car) and the privacy of her own heartbreak (in another car) into the individual-yet-communal and decidedly-unromantic experience of public transit. Perhaps it reminds the girl she used to be, when she wrote, “we ride the bus with our knees pulled in” (“Buzzcut Season”) or “we count our dollars on the train to the party” (“Team”), before the complications of the relationship took over. But perhaps it is different — now, there is no mention of anyone else with her. The independence is more complete, if bittersweet.

I take the train from school back to my city. I’ve never driven anywhere alone, since I didn’t get my driver’s licence until a week before I returned to school for senior year, where I don’t have a car. Sometimes I remember the bubble of my ex-boyfriend’s car, but I also think of the way I can put in my headphones on the train and just sit with my own thoughts. It’s a lonely release, a haunted freedom.

#lorde #text post #text #writer in the dark #hard feelings/loveless #supercut #400 lux #melodrama #pure heroine #liability #green light #song is for you #five of eight

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asexualastarion · 4 years

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For the album ask game... how about The Black Parade?

oh ABSOLUTELY. i LOVE you. this is all subject to change at the drop of the hat bc im wishy-washy and i love all of these songs anyway so

this got WAY too long so i am putting it under a readmore shhvkldlkdgjlkdsj

not including b-sides:

1. Teenagers- kind of a basic pick i know, BUT, in my defense, the song slaps. it’s such a fun song, especially when you’re singing it at the top of your lungs. the guitar part is super cool too- im trying to learn it rn but it’s a slow process bc im bad at guitar.

2. Mama- what can i say. it fucks. the old time-y feel, the harmonies/background vocals, the layers. the guitar goes so fucking hard. banging lyrics- “you should’ve raised a baby girl, i should have been a better son”??????? songs to be trans to.”but the shit that i’ve done with this fuck of a gun” is the kind of lyric that you can only properly convey if you’re screaming it at the top of your lungs. the whole ending is just. mind blowing

3. The End.- LISTEN!!!!!!!!! the end is WAY TOO FUCKING UNDERRATED!!!! oh my goddd i love it so much. i love it SO much. it’s such a perfect beginning to the song. the lyrics are great (”now come one, come all, to this tragic affair” if you look in the mirror and don’t like what you see, you can find out first hand what it’s like to be me”, “another contusion, my funeral jag. here’s my resignation, i’ll serve it in drag. you’ve got front row seats to the penitence ball, when i grow up, i want to be NOTHING AT ALL!!! SAVE ME!!! GET ME THE HELL OUT OF HERE!!!! SAVE ME!!! TOO YOUNG TO DIE, AND MY DEAR!!! IF YOU CAN HEAR ME JUST WALK AWAY AND TAKE ME!!). the bit with the snapping and the ooooohs is fun too. such a good song, it could honestly be 1 or 2 but my ranking system isnt based in logic and makes no sense to even myself

4. House of Wolves- house of wolves was my favorite mcr song for a good chunk of time, but as a result i’m kinda burned out on it, which is why it isn’t higher. however it is still number four because it’s objectively a fucking amazing song. the guitar is so fuckin fun, the lyrics are great, and it’s just. fun to dance around and sing it at the top of your lungs. you better run like the devil cause they’re never gonna leave you alone!!!!! tell me i’m a bad, bad, bad, bad man!!!

5. Welcome to the Black Parade- the big man itself. the titular song. their biggest hit. a lot of people shit on wttbp for being popular and, like, pretty much the only song of theirs to ever be on the radio anymore (and even then it’s once in a blue moon), BUT. it got popular for a reason. it’s a really good song. i love the structure of it, i love how it builds and builds and builds. the lyrics are wonderfully done- “a world that sent you reelin from decimated dreams/ your misery and hate will kill us all”, the whole “do or die, you’ll never make me” stanza is The Ultimate rallying cry. and the “im just a man, i’m not a hero” is just. ughghghdlkslakdjglsdkg. the titular song of an album entirely about death and dying and misery being SO hopeful and SO upbeat really portrays the album as a whole much differently- mcr is known as The Emo Band because, yeah, their aesthetic is dark and their songs touch dark stuff but they have never been all whiney and boo-hoo-y and melancholic for the sake of melancholy. there’s always been a positive note to their music and a lot of people just don’t get that which makes me sad. anyway. wttbp is fun and i like it and i like the drums and the trumpets at the end. marching bands fuck

6. Blood- ok so the pattern here seems to be that i favor the fun songs over the slow ones, and blood sticks with that. much like with mama, i love the old time-y feel. i love that this is like a fun little bonus ditty to end the album on. the lyrics are silly and fun and jovial, and the piano is great. love it and it makes me happy

7. Disenchanted- OUGHH. OUUUUUGH. i know cancer is objectively the saddest song on the album, but disenchanted just hits different. “when the lights all went out, we watched our lives on the screen/ i hate the ending myself, but it started with an alright scene” just DECIMATES me, man. the acoustic guitar is a nice change of pace, and the vocal performance is just. so fucking emotional. especially the “woahhhhhhhh-ohs” at the end. great song, makes me Feel Emotions

8. The Sharpest Lives- ok so i know this is pretty much in the middle of the list, but i want to stress that i dont hate any of the songs on this album, so even the middle of the list is pretty fuckin good imo. the sharpest lives makes me go batshit. the lyrics are so fucking wild. “a light to burn all the empires, so bright the sun is ashamed to rise and be” is SO fuckin sick like OH my god. what a line. also “there’s a place in the dark where the animals go/ you can take off your skin in the cannibal glow/ juliet loves the beat and the lust it commands/ drop the dagger and lather the blood on your hands, romeo” like WHAT?????????????? GERARD POPPED OFF W THIS ONE FOLKS!! also i love how at the beginning the whisper-y vocals bounce from ear to ear. also “so why don’t you blow me......a kiss before she goes” is fuckin hilarious. honestly this song should be higher but i havent gone through a phase where i’ve been obsessed w it yet so it stays down here for now. one day it will take hold and be all i can listen to for a month straight and THEN it will climb the ranks.

9. Cancer- makes me cry like a liddol baby. my mom doesnt let it play in the car cause it makes her too sad. twenty one pilots covered it and it was FUCKING AWFUL so the song is kinda ruined now cause i can only think about their shitty cover. like the AUDACITY. but anyway besides that the song is heart wrenching and amazing. the hardest part of this is leavin you!!!!

10. Dead!- look, i know technically the end. and dead! are the same song/ are just continuations of each other but i’m listing them separately bc dead! is, to me, the worse of the two. not that it’s bad or anything, it just doesn’t pop off the same way the end. and all the songs before it on the list do. however i do love the guitar at the beginning and the solo, and the “one! two! one two three four! LA LA LA LAs” are super fucking fun.

11. Famous Last Words- i used to hate this song!!!! i truly did!! it’s obvs not on the top of my list now or anything, but i have grown to appreciate it a lot more than i used to. like with wttbp, it is the silver lining of the album that betrays its optimistic side. it’s a happy final message to a dark album. the ending is fucking amazing. I am not afraid to keep on living!!!! i am not afraid to walk this world alone!!!!!!

12. Sleep- Sleep is, unfortunately, just kinda boring in comparison. i almost forgot to even put it on the list. however, i do like the “the hardest part’s the awful things that i’ve seen” and the “a drink, for the horrors that i’m in. for the good guys and the bad guys, for the monsters that i’ve been” lines. also the “three cheers for tyranny, unapologetic apathy!” line. but overall it’s just. eh

13. This is How I Disappear- i have. complicated feelings on tihid. on one hand, it reminds me of my favorite oc, re, and is on their playlist. on the other hand, i have grown bored with it over time. it just doesn’t stand out to me at all really. that being said, i do really like the “who walks among the famous living dead” and the “can you hear me cry out to you” stanzas.

14. I Don’t Love You- while i dont think idly is a bad song at all, it just simply isnt my kind of song. i do think gerard’s vocals are extremely strong throughout, especially during the “when you go, would you have the guts to say/ i don’t love you like i loved you yesterday” line. like wow ok maam please continue. but overall i just dont vibe w breakup songs bc i cant relate

including b sides: 1. Heaven Help Us

2. Kill All Your Friends

3. Everything else

4. My Way Home is Through You

my reasoning:

heaven help us is tied for my favorite mcr song Of All Time. everything about this song is catnip for lil old me. the angsty christian imagery, the vocals, the guitar. all of it. the lyrics make me lose my mind, especially the “will you pray for me? or make a saint of me? and will you lay for me? or make a saint of- cause i’ll give you all the nails you need/cover me in gasoline/ wipe away those tears of blood again/ and the punchline to the joke is asking ‘SOMEONE SAVE US’” and the “you don’t know a thing about my sins/ or the misery begins/ you don’t know, so i’m burnin! I’m burnin!!!” parts. like i absolutely vibe with this song so fucking hard. i sing it constantly, it’s great to sing (very stimmy for me), it sounds beautiful. i am obsessed with it through and through

similarly, kill all your friends also speaks to my very soul. i can’t pick favorite lyrics bc id just have to copy and paste the whole song. i love the build-up, i love the time progression throughout the song (it’s been TEN FUCKING YEARS since i’ve been seein your faaaaaace rounnnnnd heeeere), i love the “you’ll never take me alives”. literally everything about this song makes me emo. it just Gets Me. it’s literally about my greatest fear. all my friends growing up and moving away and getting on with their lives without me, leaving me to rot in my hometown waiting for them to return. we only see each other at weddings and funerals, so it’s time to kill all your friends so we can party when the funeral ends!! it’s probably tied with heaven help us, but i’m putting it at number two just because it didn’t hook me as strongly as hhu did. it’s more of a strong, steady favorite than a “this song has latched on to my very soul and i have to listen to it on repeat over and over and over again”, if that makes sense. it��s still in my top 5 mcr songs though

i never vibed with my way home is through you. i don’t listen to it often, and i just don’t really feel it. it’s not bad, it’s just. eh.

anyway if you’ve read this far down i love you so much. thank you for listening to me ramble, mcr means a lot and i love to infodump about my music tastes. i really really appreciate being given an opportunity to do so <3

#mcr #asks #anon #SERIOUSLY. ILY. MWAH.

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psychosistr · 4 years

Text

I’m With You

For Day 7 of @josuyasuweek - ModernAU/Christmas/Anything You Want!

Summary: Josuke disappears during a rain storm and Okuyasu goes to look for him. When he finds his boyfriend, though, there’s definitely more bothering him than just the cold and the rain...

Notes: The title of this story is the name of the song that Josuke sings later, “I’m With You” by Avril Lavigne. It’s one of my favorite songs from my childhood and a good one for being sad and frustrated (kind of worried what that says about my childhood, but, eh, what can you do?). Also, this again takes place in the same Modern!AU as the other stories, but it’s before they met Giorno’s group or any of the other Jojo’s/Jo-bro’s, so it’s just the part 1, 2, 3, 4, and 6 crew atm.

Jotaro-kun: “If anyone sees Josuke, text me or Jolyne.”

Okuyasu was one of the first people to read the group text, although he wasn’t the first to reply to it. The flood of messages made it hard to get a word in for a minute:

Jolyne-chan: “He went out yesterday and never came home.”

Ermes-chan: “Woah, seriously?! :O”

Anasui-kun: “Have you tried calling him?”

Jolyne-chan: “He left his phone here >_>;”

Kakyoin-kun: “Do you think he was attacked by a stand user?”

Jonathan-san: “Or one of Dio’s minions?!”

Joseph-san: “Doubt the pillarmen would go after him. Maybe he’s just avoiding you guys. Did you insult his hair? :P”

Caesar-san: “If it’s any consolation, I just punched Jojo for you -_-‘ Anyway, do you want us to look for him?”

Speedwagon-san: “Gimme five minutes and I’ll get Iggy started on it.”

Polnareff-san: “Ha! Good luck with that! XP”

Avdol-san: “I have one more client today, but I can cancel the session if you need me to help.”

Jotaro-kun: “Yare yare. Everyone calm down. This is normal for him. Sometimes he just disappears for a couple of days and then comes back. Just text us if you see him so we know he’s okay.”

Jolyne-chan: “He’s right, this is pretty normal for Josuke when something’s bugging him. We only brought it up because of the storm- we don’t want him getting sick :P”

Okuyasu stopped reading the messages for a few minutes after that, but he still felt the phone vibrate in his hand every time another text was sent.

Josuke ran away? That couldn’t be good..

He had a feeling something had been bothering him since their last fight against some of Dio’s stand-using minions. Josuke had gotten separated from the others for a while, but he’d been fine when they found him.

Well, physically fine, at least.

Okuyasu couldn’t put his finger on it, but, when Josuke didn’t think anyone was looking at him, he had this look in his eyes like he was asking himself a million depressing questions. It had only gotten worse over the days that followed, all culminating in the sudden lack of communication from his boyfriend yesterday afternoon. He’d written it off at the time as him being busy or something, and now he wished he hadn’t..

Me: “Don’t worry- I’ll find him.”

Okuyasu typed out the message and sent it before throwing on a pair of work boots and a ratty old jacket, barely remembering to grab his umbrella until he was half-way out the door. He switched his phone to silent as he left his apartment and stuck it in his pocket, still feeling the buzz of each message in the chat but not bothering to check them anymore.

After all, if anyone could find Josuke, it was him, right?

______________________________________________________________

He may have spoken too soon…

Okuyasu had spent the better part of two hours searching for Josuke, but hadn’t seen hide nor pomp of his boyfriend anywhere in the rain-drenched streets. The fact that the storm had gotten progressively worse certainly didn’t help things any, nor did the setting sun plunging the town into an even darker landscape.

Frustrated and annoyed by his lack of progress, Okuyasu was about to go check the park next when the faint strumming of a guitar caught his attention. “??” He followed the sound when he heard a familiar voice singing along to the melody. “Josuke?!” The symphony of sounds lead him to a covered walkway bridge where the music echoed off of the enclosed walls. Then, he saw him- sitting on the ground with his guitar in his lap and the guitar case set against the wall beside him. “Josuke..?” He approached the other teen, but apparently he’d caught him between songs as he’d already begun playing a new one by the time Okuyasu said his name.

“I’m standing on a bridge..” Josuke began while strumming out the notes on his guitar with his eyes closed. “I’m waiting in the dark..I thought that you’d be here by now..” He leaned his head back against the wall behind him, his soft voice enhanced by the area’s acoustics. “There’s nothing but the rain..no footsteps on the ground…I’m listening but there’s no sound…”

“……” Okuyasu frowned slightly as he listened to the sad song, deciding to close his umbrella, take a seat across from the other boy, and wait for him to finish- it just didn’t feel right to interrupt him like that..

“Isn’t anyone trying to find me? Won’t somebody come take me home?” Josuke opened his eyes again, but they went straight down to watch his hands as they skillfully played each note. “It’s a damn cold night..Trying to figure out this life..” His eyes slowly drifted up until they met Okuyasu's gaze, not looking surprised in the slightest to see him there. “Won’t you take me by the hand? Take me somewhere new…I don’t know who you are, but I..I’m with you~” The corner of his mouth lifted into a faint, barely there smile that just looked more sad and tired than anything in that moment. “I’m with you..”

“……” Okuyasu offered his boyfriend a small, hopefully more reassuring smile of his own. He even gave a silent wave, but he decided not to talk sine Josuke continued playing.

“I’m looking for a place…I’m searching for a face…Is anybody here? I know…” Josuke sighed, his smile slipping back into the unreadable expression he had when Okuyasu first walked in. “Cause nothing’s going right..and everything’s a mess..” His pitch faltered slightly on that last line, sounding like he’d bitten back a sob as his head tilted downward. “And no one likes to be alone…Isn’t anyone trying to find me? Won’t somebody come take me home..?”

As Josuke relapsed back into the chorus, Okuyasu took the chance to fully take in the other boy’s appearance: His hair still had its usual basic shape, but it was drooping considerably and had water dripping front the ends. There were bags visible under Josuke’s eyes, so he probably hadn’t slept last night. His clothes were all practically glued to him, so he must have just gotten here recently. Most disturbingly of all was the deep, painful sadness that was visible in the normally bright-eyed teen’s colorful eyes.

Okuyasu had never seen him this bad before..

“Oh! Why is everything so confusing?!” Josuke’s voice crescendoed with the intensity of the bridge, echoing off the walls so powerfully that it nearly drowned out the thunderstorm still raging outside of their shelter “Maybe I’m just out of my mi~ind!” The litany of “ye~ah”s that followed broke Okuyasu’s heart as they sounded more and more pained, some closer to sobs of anguish than actual notes, all reaching a peak when let Josuke belted out one loud final “YEEA~AA~AH!” before going quiet for a moment, the only sound being the now considerably softer playing of his guitar. “……It’s a damn cold night…Trying to figure out this life…” His voice had gone as quiet as his guitar for the moment. “Won’t you..take me by the hand? Take me somewhere new..” He finally looked back up at Okuyasu with a sad, broken smile and fresh tears in his eyes. “I don’t know who you are, but I…I’m with you~!” His voice crescendoed again, as did his playing, and he repeated the chorus a couple more times.

Okuyasu frowned with tears in his own eyes as he quietly got up and moved over to the other side of the bridge to kneel down beside his boyfriend. “Josuke..” He whispered as he slowly brought his arms up around the longer-haired boy’s shoulders on the end of the third repetition of the chorus.

The effect was instantaneous- Josuke let his guitar rest in his lap and all but melted into the tender embrace. He turned his upper body so that he could hide his face in Okuyasu’s shoulder, clinging tightly to him as his beautiful voice now let out a muffled chorus of sobs and wails that the other boy was just as willing to hear as he was his earlier song.

They stayed like that for a long time, Okuyasu letting Josuke get every pained noise out of his system until he calmed down.

After he’d finished, Josuke finally pulled away and wiped at his eyes using his sleeve, but that ultimately just made his face wetter. “Sorry, Oku-” His apology was stopped from going any further by the same arms that had been previously wrapped around him now lifting him up to his feet. “Okuyasu?”

Instead of receiving an answer right away, Okuyasu just took Josuke’s guitar from him and put it back in its case. After carefully closing it up, he next unzipped his jacket and put it around Josuke’s shoulders, not caring about it getting wet or about how cold it was now with the damp air clinging to his skin. Once his boyfriend had a warm coat on again, Okuyasu retrieved his umbrella, opened it back up, slung the guitar case’s strap over his shoulder, and wrapped his arm around Josuke’s shoulders with two simple words.

“Let’s go.”

Josuke blinked, looking confused by the statement. “Go..?”

Okuyasu side-eyed him with a confident grin. “Yep. You said it, remember? You’re with me.” He squeezed Josuke’s shoulder where his hand was resting on it, holding him close against his side. “So, let’s go.”

“!!” Josuke’s eyes widened slightly before his look shifted into a much more tender, grateful smile- one that was less heart-wrenching than the one he’d had while singing. “Yeah..” He relented with a barely audible chuckle that shook his shoulders. “I guess I DID say that..” He took the umbrella from Okuyasu and held it in the hand closest to his boyfriend in an attempt to shield them both from the storm. “Let’s go- I’m with you.”

_____________________________________________________________

Once they got back to his apartment, Okuyasu started a hot shower for Josuke and pulled out some spare pajamas for him to borrow. While he got warmed up, Okuyasu went to the kitchen to get some food prepared, figuring the other boy would be hungry since he hadn’t been home in a while. He didn’t have much to work with at the moment, but he did find some left over rice, vegetables, chicken, and even some yosenabe broth from various meals he’d had throughout the week, so he quickly threw them together with some beaten eggs to make a pot of zōsui.

By the time he had everything chopped and mixed and the pot had come to a boil, he heard the sound of Josuke’s bare feet on the tiled floor of his small kitchen. “That smells good..”

“Thanks.” Okuyasu grinned and turned to face his boyfriend. “It’s just some zōsui, but it should be pretty-” He froze for a minute when he saw Josuke standing in the doorway. He was wearing the clothes that Okuyasu loaned him, looking much better in the baggy white shirt and striped blue pajama pants than he had in his soaking wet clothes from earlier. What made Okuyasu freeze, however, was the fact that Josuke’s hair was down. No pompadour, no styling, nothing- he’d just combed it out and left it like that. “You can use my gel if you want, I’ve got plenty.”

Josuke shrugged and walked further into the room, trying to sound calm. “I wasn’t in the mood, I’ll do it later.”

Oh.

Oh no.

Josuke was NEVER not in the mood to do his hair in its iconic style. The only times he’d let it slide were when he was too injured to do it himself, and even then he complained about it until someone else was able to do it for him.

This was way worse than he thought…

“Uh, okay, sure…” Okuyasu tried not to sound as shocked as he felt, turning instead grab two bowls so he could dish out the zōsui. Once he had the bowls filled he grabbed two spoons and sat down at the small two-person table in the corner of the room. “Come on, let’s eat- I’m starving!” He gave Josuke a smile that he hoped didn’t look forced and held the other boy’s spoon out for him.

Josuke smiled back, but it still felt off. “Me too.” He said before taking the offered spoon and sitting across from his boyfriend to eat their simple but warming meal.

They ate in silence. A tense, uncomfortable one that made the weight of what hadn’t been said yet nearly suffocating to Okuyasu. He honestly thought that he might accidentally choke on the food a few times with how hard it got to swallow, but he pulled through. After all, he had to make sure that Josuke was taken care of, right? That’s what good boyfriends- and friends in general- were supposed to do, right?

……

The problem was that he didn’t really know what to do in this situation. This was probably the worst he’d ever seen the other teen since they’d met. Sure, he’d seen the faces and scars and feelings that Josuke had never wanted anyone else to see, and he knew how to comfort him and take care of him when it came to that sort of stuff.

THIS, though..THIS was new.

There was something wrong with Josuke and Okuyasu wanted so badly to fix it and make everything better, but he didn’t even know what was wrong.

He could ask, but he knew Josuke would probably say he was fine like he always did when something was bothering him..

He could try calling Jotaro and Jolyne to see if they had any ideas, but he didn’t want to make them panic and come all the way there in the storm..

He could try distracting him with some TV or something, but it might just feel more tense and awkward..

God, it was times like these that he cursed his stupidity. If he was smarter, then the answer would probably be so much easier to see! He was so useless, he-!

“You ever wonder what life would be like if you weren’t around?” Josuke’s voice suddenly interrupted his self-deprecating thoughts.

“Huh?” Okuyasu blinked in surprise and stared at his boyfriend in confusion. “Whattaya mean?”

“I dunno..just..” Josuke shrugged, looking down at his nearly empty bowl as he idly poked at the last bits of rice and egg at the bottom with his spoon. “Have you ever thought about what everyone’s lives would be like if you weren’t in it? If they would be…better off..?” He seemed to pick up what words were about to come out of Okuyasu’s mouth and re-worded his question. “Not in the ‘I’m going to run away or off myself because I’m a burden to everyone’ way, but just…I don’t know…just asking yourself if you really do anything to make everyone’s lives any better or worse than they already are…”

Okuyasu still frowned slightly at the idea behind the question. “Geez, man..I don’t know..I’m not that smart, so I don’t really think about that sort of stuff…” He let his chin rest in his hand that was propped up on the table, giving the question some thought. “If we’re talking about me, then, yeah, some people would probably be better off if I weren’t around..I mean, my bro would probably still be alive if he hadn’t shoved me away when Chili Pepper attacked…” He frowned a bit more, the memory still painful even after more than a year had passed. He shook his head, trying to dispel the sadness as he returned his gaze to his boyfriend. “But, if we’re talking about you, then no, I can’t think of anyone who’d be better off without you around.”

Josuke gave a short, deprecating laugh, his eyes still staying on his unfinished food. “I can..” He frowned as he stirred the meager contents of his bowl endlessly while he spoke. “If I was never born, then my mom wouldn’t’ve had to drop out of school to take care of me- she could’ve gotten a good job, still lived with her family, and maybe even married a nice guy who actually loved her, unlike my shitty old man. Speaking of him, if I wasn’t born, then his marriage wouldn’t have been ruined and Jotaro’s grandparents would still be together. Then there’s Jotaro and Jolyne, who’d probably have had a better childhood if they didn’t spend it constantly looking out for me.” His grip on his spoon became white-knuckled as he talked, his shoulders trembling slightly. “My grandpa would probably still be alive if someone else had been around to save him…Koichi would still be a normal high schooler and wouldn’t have gotten involved in any of these bizarre adventures…Shigechi would probably still be alive if he hadn’t met us…” He finally stopped moving the spoon and his head tilted downward, both of his shoulders shaking now. “I just…make everyone’s life worse…”

“What about me?” Okuyasu suddenly asked.

“You?” Josuke shook his head, giving another short laugh. “You’d probably be fine without me..hell, your brother might even still be around..”

“Are you kidding? I loved my bro, but even I knew what he was doing was messed up- he’d’ve probably gotten himself killed some other way, even if you never showed up.” Okuyasu stood up from the table and walked around to Josuke’s side, kneeling on the ground so he could force the other boy to look him in the eyes. “And everything else you said is bullshit.” He held up his fingers as he counted off every claim he made. “Your mom said that she never got along with her family anyway, right? Even if she didn’t have you, she’d probably have found some other reason to leave. Besides, she tells me all the time that you were the best thing to ever happen to her! She loves you a lot, Josuke.” He smiled slightly before rolling his eyes on his next point. “And don’t get me started on your old man. He chose to cheat on his wife and then left you and your mom by yourselves- he’s an asshole, if you ask me!” He looked back up at Josuke sympathetically. “And you know Jotaro and Jolyne don’t blame you for what happened- their mom doesn’t either. They LIKE having you around- you’re practically their little brother! And Koichi likes being your friend, so he doesn’t blame you for what happened, either! Sure, his life’s gotten pretty weird, but now he’s got way more friends than he did before, a hot girlfriend, and he gets to go on awesome adventures. As for your gramps and Shigechi…” He paused for a moment, looking away with a frown. “That…was pretty bad…but Angelo was gonna go after your gramps anyway, but you stopped him from getting to your mom or anyone else…and Shigechi…well…that one’s on both of us, if you wanna look at it that way..but most of the fault goes to that bastard Kira.” He sighed before looking back up at Josuke’s face, or at least what he could make out of it with how his head was tilted down and his hair hid his eyes. “Besides, if you weren’t around, my life would be a billion times worse: I’d still be following Keicho, doing what he said and listening to him tell me what an idiot I am…I wouldn’t have any friends…and,” He reached up with both hands and carefully pushed Josuke’s hair out of his face, revealing watery purple eyes. With a teary-eyed smile, Okuyasu cupped Josuke’s face between both hands, wiping away the other boy’s tears with his thumbs. “I wouldn’t have met the guy I wanted to spend my life with.”

“!!” For the second time that night, Josuke stared at Okuyasu in surprise before his expression grew into a tender, adoring smile. A watery laugh found its way out of his throat while his hands found their way Okuyasu’s own face to wipe away his tears in return. “The guy you wanna spend your life with? You sure you can say that after just one year?”

“Hell yeah, I’m sure- I would’ve said it after one month if I’d thought of it back then!” Okuyasu smiled more, gazing at the person he loved with all of his heart. “You’re the greatest guy I know: You’re smart. You’re fun as hell. You’re cool. You’re beautiful. You’re funny. You’re talented. You’re the most amazing person in the world.” He blushed slightly and looked away out of mild embarrassment, but his smile never faltered. “We’re still pretty young, and I don’t have anything I can give you right now- hell, I can’t really afford a wedding yet..but..I know it’s true..” He looked back up at Josuke, ignoring the way his heart pounded and his face burned just looking into those glistening eyes that enchanted him each and every day. “I love you, Josuke. I don’t care if I have to wait two years or twenty years to make it official, I just know that you’re the one I wanna spend the rest of my life with. So…don’t think for a second I’d be better off without you around, because I don’t ever wanna think of my life without you in it!”

Josuke was quiet for a while, simply staring at the other boy. Then, without warning, Josuke unceremoniously slipped out of his chair and tumbled right into Okuyasu’s arms, knocking both of them down onto the ground. Okuyasu was about to ask if he was okay, when three little words reached his ear.

“I’m with you.” Josuke propped himself up on his forearms on either side of Okuyasu’s head and gazed down at him with a grateful smile and a look of pure love and adoration in his eyes. “As long as you want me around, then I’m with you.”

Okuyasu grinned up at the other teen, wrapping his arms around Josuke to pull him back down on top of him. “So does that mean I get to keep you around forever?”

Josuke laughed at that, a bright, genuinely happy laugh that was so much more beautiful than the pained and depressed ones he’d let out before. “If you want me forever, then I’m with you forever, Oku.”

“Works for me!” Okuyasu exclaimed happily before pulling the other boy down into a loving kiss, one that was quickly and eagerly returned.

_____________________________________________________________

A couple of hours later, the pair of lovers had moved to Okuyasu’s bedroom. They were currently cuddling under the blankets with Okuyasu lying on his back and Josuke lying with his head on his boyfriend’s chest as he slept. Okuyasu wasn’t quite asleep yet, but he was working on it. For the moment, he was content to have Josuke there in his arms.

He probably would have fallen asleep just like that if he didn’t feel a familiar buzzing in his pants pocket. “??” Moving as carefully as he could to avoid waking Josuke up, Okuyasu managed to get one arm free and retrieved his phone from beneath the covers.

Looking at the screen, he found a text from Jotaro that was sent separate from the usual group chat.

Jotaro: “Any luck finding him?”

Okuyasu was about to type back a simple reply of “Yeah”, but looking at Josuke’s sleeping, peaceful face gave him an idea.

He raised the phone up high and took a picture of the two of them, smiling up at the camera while gently running his fingers through Josuke’s hair. There’d be time for explanations and stories about what was said and what their plans for the future would be. For now, he just wanted to enjoy this moment.

With that in mind, he sent the picture, along with a fitting caption:

Me: “He’s with me.”

End Notes: So, for the “Anything You Want” topic, I decided to do a sort of combination “Hurt/Comfort” and “Marriage Proposal” story, just because this was one of my favorite parts with these two in the RP that these stories are based off of.

Big thank you to @josuyasuweek for doing this event- it was a lot of fun ^.^

#josuyasu #josuyasuweek #josuke higashitaka #okuyasu nijimura #JoJo's Bizarre Adventure #Jojo no Kimyou na Bouken #Modern!AU #(I know the other characters are in this but they're only in the chat so I'm not tagging all of them XP)

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callunavulgari · 4 years

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“Listen to the sound of my heart beat slow Yeah, my heart's like yours, my heart's like yours Listen to the sound, oh it feels like home When our hearts beat slow together.”

Heather’s Top 50 Songs of 2019!

dark night — philip sheppard // curse of the i-5 corridor — neko case // way down we go — kaleo // almost — hozier // dancing in a room — ezi // epic (pt ii) — anais mitchell & justin vernon // spanish sahara — foals // obstacles — syd matters // tom thumb — bitter ruin // wolves of the revolution — the arcadian wild // epic (pt iii) — anais mitchell, justin vernon // the spine — darren korb & ashley barrett // don’t think twice — hikaru utada // face my fears — hikaru utada // waves — chloe moriondo // ashes — bear mccreary // wake up, moving on — kevin penkin // paper boats — darren korb & ashley barrett // call off your ghost — dessa // power over me — dermot kennedy // a future for the krogan — christopher lennertz // mine — bazzi // bite — charlie cunningham // wait for me — andre de shields // birds — imagine dragons & elisa // crazy — patsy cline // bury a friend — billie eilish // the seed — aurora // eleventh dimension — julian casablancas // sunflower — post malone // what’s up danger — blackway, black caviar // bad guy — billie eilish // elevate — dj khalil // must’ve been — chromeo // dark matter — les friction // lark of my heart — eliza rickman // dancing on my own — robyn // hungover in the city of dust — autoheart // season of the witch — lana del rey // bird song — juniper vale // paradise valley — honey & the sting // my hallelujah — autoheart // furthest star — dirt poor robins // play dirty — kevin mcallister // it’s quiet uptown — kelly clarkson // pas de deux — michael abels // i got 5 on it — michael abels, luniz, mi // one day more — les mis cast // into the unknown — idina menzel, aurora // show yourself — idina menzel & evan rachel wood

short version | long version | youtube | spotify unwrapped

long version will lead you to the 165 song, 10 hour and 34 minute playlist which i’ve been slowly adding to since january. short version will lead you to what you see here. youtube will lead you to the playlist you see here but... wait for it... on youtube. mostly because i know not everyone has spotify. spotify unwrapped will lead you to a mixture of the long and the short version, which is pretty bloated with austin wintory songs because those are what i listen to when i write or read usually.

the long version is much improved in length from last year, which was 261 songs and 17 hours, but that’s mostly because august through december i was pretty bad at keeping track of the music that caught my attention. whoops.

and under the cut is me ranting about music, like usual. enjoy!

i. dark night || philip sheppard *instrumental*

This was my absolute favorite from the Detroit: Become Human soundtrack. I tended to prefer Kara’s songs most because they were gorgeous and haunting and just plain fantastic. Connor’s songs were mostly listened to while writing for the fandom, but Kara’s songs were what I kept coming back to. ii. curse of the i-5 corridor || neko case So I left home and faked my ID I fucked every man that I wanted to be

Sometime in January, I fell in love with eighteen wheels on an uphill climb, which was a 91k hank/connor wip by blackeyedblonde. Hank’s a trucker. Connor occasionally dabbles in sex work to keep himself alive and moving. But like, it’s so much more than that? Anyway, at some point the author linked to this song. I think it may have been on tumblr, but I fell in love with it and neko case.

iii. way down we go || kaleo Oh, 'cause they will run you down, down 'til the dark Yes and they will run you down, down 'til you fall And they will run you down, down 'til you go Yeah, so you can't crawl no more

Speaking of Detroit: Become Human (sensing a theme?), this fanvideo is one of my favorite things in the world. I had it and a couple other fantastic videos like it playing in the background while writing for the fandom. This video, in fact, is what finally made me go in search of the game. iv. almost (sweet music) || hozier The same kind of music haunts her bedroom I'm almost me again, she's almost you Wasteland, Baby was a thing that happened to me. Which would have already been enough to get it on this list, but I also listened to it on repeat while writing my first DBH fic. v. dancing in a room || ezi I know you notice, notice me I might be broken but it's not showing It's how I'm copin', copin' I don’t actually remember where this one came from. I know that sometime when March is still a bit cold, I listened to a playlist on spotify that I can’t find for the life of me. It had a lot of the songs that are about to come up on it, and before I started exclusively listening to audiobooks while I got ready for work in the morning, I listened to random fantastic playlists. vi. epic (pt ii) || anais mitchell & justin vernon And suddenly Hades was only a man with a taste of nectar upon his lips

Hadestown was also a thing that happened to me. This song makes me fucking weak. All of the lyrics are great, the whole song is gorgeous and haunting and so perfect it hurts, but those lyrics above are just *chefs kiss* vii. spanish sahara || foals Forget the horror here Leave it all down here It's future rust and it's future dust

Sometime during the spring, I played Life Is Strange and had a million and one feelings. I played both options for the ending and each one was gut wrenching in its own way. I think I still prefer the one where Chloe lives, but this song has literally haunted me ever since.

viii. obstacles || syd matters Someday we will foresee obstacles Through the blizzard, through the blizzard And this is the song that plays if you make the other choice. Again, SUPER TRAGIC, but also you know. You get to keep your girlfriend. ix. tom thumb || bitter ruin And I know I'll be burnt, but I can stand a flame or two to catch you

This was one of the songs that I discovered on the mysterious spotify playlist! Something I’d forgotten: I discovered Hadestown off of that playlist. Thanks, mystery playlist. You gave me all the ear worms. x. wolves of the revolution || the arcadian wild You're trapped inside of your own heart It's a spectators sport, just play your part You guessed it - from the mystery playlist. They’re all very reminiscent of the Hadestown soundtrack. Vaguely eerie, kind of haunting, a lot beautiful. Makes you feel like you’re a forest creature living on the edge of the swamp. You know: the aesthetic. xi. epic (pt iii) || anais mitchell & justin vernon Where is the treasure inside your chest? Where is your pleasure? Where is your youth? Where is the man with his hat in his hands? Who stands in the garden with nothing to lose I thought about only including this one instead of including part 2, but in the end I loved both too much to choose. Hadestown, man. I hope it comes to Ohio at some point in the near future. xii. the spine || darren korb & ashley barrett Fingers tied themselves in knots around the heart It beats in time I see the spine of the world

I have never actually played Transistor, which is fucking tragic because I listened to basically the entire soundtrack over and over again for the entire year. There’s at least one more song from the game on this list, but it is really wonderful. Haunting vocals, perfect for writing or reading or driving. xiii. don’t think twice || hikaru utada I'm only crying 'cause I never dreamed It'd take this long, it'd take this long Hi, I played Kingdom Hearts 3 this year. And I cried so fucking much. I had some issues with the game, namely how the ending was such a clusterfuck of boss fight after boss fight and emotional character arc resolutions so it all felt kind of rushed? But the gameplay was superb, the selfie thing was ingenious, and I did cry at least six different times while I was stressing my way through fighting boss fights with blurry eyes. xiv. face my fears || hikaru utada Oh, let me face, let me face, let me face my fears Won't be long, won't be long, I'm almost here Watch me cry all my tears

So like, if you care at all you’ve probably already seen it, but the opening cutscene of KH3 was to Face My Fears, and I’m gonna be real honest here - I didn’t like it at first. I moaned and groaned about Skrillex and how it was nothing like Simple and Clean or Passion/Sanctuary. But it grew on me to the point that it was actually my most listened to song this year. Watch me cry all my tears, indeed. xv. waves || chloe moriondo Make me into more than a goner Perhaps a little bit stronger Thicker skin, less needy, And maybe to not bruise so damn easily, but you can't

I don’t remember where I found this song either? Maybe mystery playlist but probably not. Either way, it’s pretty and uh, I too want to slow the world down. xvi. ashes || bear mccreary -instrumental- Man, oh man, let’s talk about how good of a game God of War was. It was so good, guys. The game play was excellent, the world was gorgeous, and the storyline was interesting. And the music went so, so hard. Between Horizon Zero Dawn and the new God of War, I have basically been ruined for all other games. Also, dad protagonists, am I right? xvii. wake up, moving on || kevin penkin -instrumental-

Did not actually realize this was part of a soundtrack to a game? But it’s very lilty. Has that French quirky romcom vibe to it and I listened to the crap out of it in early summer. xviii. paper boats || darren korb & ashley barrett The river always finds the sea So helplessly Like you find me

Another Transistor song. I really love Ashley Barrett’s voice. I should probably at some point play the game. xix. call off your ghost || dessa I hope she makes you happy It's just a lot to ask to watch your future walking past me

This song played during one of the weather segments of Welcome to Night Vale and made me remember how much I absolutely adore Dessa. Her voice is fantastic and I love the way that her songs flow. Also, this song gives me personal feels. xx. power over me || dermot kennedy I wanna be king in your story I wanna know who you are I want your heart to beat for me I have absolutely no idea where I heard this one. It might have been playing on the radio while I was driving somewhere? I played it a lot during the summer. xxi. a future for the krogan || christopher lennertz -instrumental- It’s been a while since I played Mass Effect, but this song came up on a writing playlist and I have been listening to it ever since.

xxii. mine || bazzi Running circles 'round my mind Even when it's rainy all you ever do is shine

Shrug emoji.

xxiii. bite || charlie cunningham Stone cold faces let you keep you poisoning your blood Cut you open then you'll see poison in your blood

Also shrug emoji? Most of the time when I’m doing these there’s fandom connatations to half the songs, but these year I wasn’t heavily invested in a whole lot of fandoms so these are mostly just songs I listened to while I was a) driving, b) in the shower, or c) while reading.

xxiv. wait for me || andre de shields Ain't no compass, brother, there ain't no map Just a telephone wire and the railroad track Keep on walking and you don't look back

And here’s the last Hadestown song on the list. It’s just... really good, okay. Really, really good. xxv. birds || imagine dragons & elisa Seasons, they will change Life will make you grow Dreams will make you cry, cry, cry

I think there’s been an Imagine Dragons song on here every year since they came out with Radioactive. This is the only song of theirs I heard this year, but pairing their voice with Elisa’s was fucking genius because this song makes me feel the chorus in my soul. xxvi. crazy || patsy cline You'd love me as long as you wanted And then some day You'd leave me for somebody new I was at a bar, and my friend has just announced that he was getting married to his girlfriend of ten years in Vegas, on a ferris wheel, by an Elvis impersonator. We started listening to Elvis songs to figure out what he’d play, and then we got distracted listening to a bunch of old love songs. This one is more heartbreak than love, but I’ve always loved Patsy’s voice. xxvii. bury a friend || billie eilish Bury a friend, try to wake up

I was really slow to the Billie Eilish train. One of my friends recommended her music and it’s just so chaotic and fantastic that I can’t believe I didn’t fall for it earlier. This song in particular was a Billy Hargrove song for a while.

xxviii. the seed || aurora Feed me sunlight, feed me air In a place where nothing matters Feed me truth and feed me prayer Aurora’s got one of those truly lovely voices. Also I like songs about how the earth should eat humanity.

xxix. eleventh dimension || julian casablancas 'Cause no one really cares or wonders why anymore Oh, I got music, coming out of my hands and feet and kisses

Back in 2011, when I was still watching Doctor Who, someone made this video which blew my little heart away. I rediscovered this song while we were driving back to Ohio from our annual beach trip and managed to get everyone in the car hooked on it for weeks afterwards.

xxx. sunflower || post malone You're a sunflower I think your love would be too much

Into the Spiderverse! Was so! Good!

xxxi. what’s up danger || blackway, black caviar I like it all on the edge just like you, ayy I like tall buildings so I can leap off of 'em

So like, that scene, right? The one that had everyone losing their collective shit? I saw gifs before I watched the movie, and goddamn, it lived up to every single expectation I ever had. I made Nick watch it with me, and he groaned a lot because honestly he is not the biggest fan of super hero movies, but even he admitted that it was the best damn Spiderman movie we’d ever seen. It was powerful and clever and heartwarming and funny and the music and animation were both fan-freaking-tastic.

xxxii. bad guy || billie eilish I'm the bad guy, duh Can you believe that I actually didn’t know about this video until @nijuukoo did art? I mean, I’d definitely heard it and liked it before hand, but the fucking video, man. That pic of Vanitas showering Ven in hearts is still the background of my desktop.(It would have been the one of him sitting on Ansem while he’s doing push ups, but it didn’t work with my screen)

xxxiii. elevate || dj khalil I jump off this building to save these civilians My strength and my honor is trusted by children I'm ready and willing to fight all these villains No chaos or killings, my style is so brilliant I really, really liked the music to Into the Spiderverse.

xxxiv. must’ve been || chromeo I must've been high when I met you Out of my mind when I decided to love you

There was a Harringrove fic that I read during the summer that made the connection between this song and modern AU Billy and Steve. I thought it was @lymricks but maybe not. Either way - I listened to this for like three weeks straight while reading about Billy and Steve flirting at the pool. Ha! Found it - you, through half-shut eyes by @brawlite.

xxxv. dark matter || les friction Bring me your soul, bring me your hate In my name you will create Bring me your fear, bring me your pain You will destroy in my name

There was an Outsider fanvid. I tripped over it.

xxxvi. lark of my heart || eliza rickman Lark of my heart - dance in the dark and say you love me Lark of my heart - right from the start and say you love me

This one was another that I found on a random playlist while I was reading and I just love the rhythm of the song. I sat right up and favorited that sucker before I lost it.

xxxvii. dancing on my own — robyn I'm just gonna dance all night I'm all messed up, I'm so outta line Stilettos on broken bottles I'm spinning around in circles Okay. Okay, okay, okay. So there was that tumblr post that went around a while back where a bunch of subway riders who just got back from a Robyn concert started singing while waiting for the train and I just. It makes me so fucking happy. Like, I remember the night I clicked on that video. I’d never heard the song before, but I didn’t need to because the level of fucking joy and unity in that video literally brought tears to my eyes. Sometimes, humans are fucking beautiful.

xxxviii. hungover in the city of dust || autoheart We’re hungover in the city of dust So let our minds run round in circles While we figure it all out

I really adore autoheart. They did Sailor Song, which was on my Top Songs post last year and honestly, according to the plays on spotify, probably should have still been on my list this year, but alas - this is the abridged version. Every song I’ve heard from them I’ve loved. The entire bridge makes me shiver, it’s just so wonderfully executed.

xxxix. season of the witch || lana del rey You've got to pick up every stitch, The rabbits running in the ditch, Oh no, must be the season of the witch In October I watched Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark and it was super spooky and really great and probably one of the best movies I saw this year? But like, also this cover by Lana del Rey was the best damn thing about it. Someone made a witchy video that was great too but I can’t find it now. xl. bird song || juniper vale Listen to the sound of my heart beat slow Yeah, my heart's like yours, my heart's like yours Listen to the sound, oh it feels like home When our hearts beat slow together

I really like Juniper Vale. I found them last year when I stumbled across their cover of Singing In The Rain, and they churn out some really quality music.

xli. paradise valley || honey & the sting So you'll have to hold me down Could you just hold me down build the levees higher This song was always going to make it to 2019′s list too. It’s just too damn good. Thank you, Wolf 359. You’ve given me a gift that is still giving three years later.

xlii. my hallelujah || autoheart Thought I found a new religion In you who was I kidding There's nowhere to go Except for under quarantine

More Autoheart! Just listen to that melody! That flow!

xliii. furthest star || dirt poor robins We'll find our hiding place Clear across the Milky Way Beyond the galaxy On the furthest star that we see

This song reminds me a lot of Muse back in their early days. I was half-napping on the couch listening to, you guessed it, a random playlist on spotify, and I liked this song enough to surface from the edges of slumber to favorite it so I could find it again.

xliv. play dirty || kevin mcallister Would you get the Devil this dance? Would you be a part of his plans? Now you got some blood on your hands

There was a fanvid. It was good and basically caught me up on Preacher. The song is also really catchy.

xlv. it’s quiet uptown || kelly clarkson Look at where we are Look at where we started Last year, this was on my list because of an EOS 10 playlist. This year it’s on my list because I still fucking love it. Also I saw Hamilton this year and it was really phenomenal. I cannot get over how good it was.

xlvi. pas de deux || michael abels -instrumental- I watched Us in late October/early November and this entire sequence was really lovely and eerie and just all around fantastic. I loved the mirroring throughout the movie, and it all came together in this stunning confrontation.

xlvii. i got 5 on it || michael abels, luniz, mi I got five on it

Us had a really good soundtrack.

xlviii. one day more || les mis cast One more dawn One more day One day more!

About a month ago I got to see Les Mis in theater and I cried like six or seven times. That is not an exaggeration I was a fucking mess. As much as I’ve adored every musical I have seen up until this point, I have never had a musical affect me the way this one did. It was incredibly powerful and the experience was worth every damn cent.

xlix. into the unknown || idina menzel, aurora Everyone I've ever loved is here within these walls I'm sorry, secret siren, but I'm blocking out your calls

Like, I know it’s cool to hate on Frozen because it got so popular, but Idina Menzel is a queen with the voice of an angel and I’m sorry, but the movies were good. Also, Elsa is very, very pretty and this shit was very, very gay.

l. show yourself || idina menzel & evan rachel wood Come to me now Open your door Don't make me wait One moment more

Sorry, I don’t make the rules. Elsa gets all the best numbers. Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays, folks. Happy listening.

#heather says what #fanmixes #2019 #music makes the world go round #new year's memes

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onepunchmiss · 5 years

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OPM s2e3 Live Blog

“The Hunt Begins”

Ok I had 3 screenshots leaked to me before seeing the episode, but only one of them was spoiler-y in that I wasn’t sure if we’d get that far in the episode. And of course not only did I not leave work early, but had to stay an hour late. So without further delay, I’m hoppin to it. Reminder, I’m watching each episode as someone who is caught up with both the manga and web comic.

Alright, off the bat we’re getting the Charanko expulsion over with. I wasn’t expecting that, but it makes sense- it’s a good hook to lead with and set up the Garou issue before actually getting into Garou destroying everyone.

BTW I am Still not over the opening theme- nope it still gets me both visually and musically. (I definitely was not listening to the song on repeat at work all day. nope. what kind of nerd would do that definitely not me hahaaaaaa)

I like that Charanko doesn’t bat an eye that The Worlds Strongest Man King is there, or Blizzard of Hell, he’s just like ‘ah they’re multiplying.’ Fuckin kek. Saitama oh sweetheart, “Silver Fang” may be cool but to us you’ll always be the One Punch Man oh dear my heart

oh OH YES Guys you have no idea how excited I am for this fight?? I know Tank Top Master isn’t really popular but like I’m a gym rat so I’ve got a soft spot for him and Superalloy. Guys, in the databook his favorite things are chicken breasts and protein. Also I mean hes actually a decent guy too, but----- Anyway, wasn’t too hard finding Garou, was it Charanko?

Oh, oh right. Let me clarify I’m excited to see TTM get some screen time. Also to watch trash son (aka Garou) kick some ass. I’m, I’m not excited about him kicking Mumen’s ass specifically. This is gonna hurt.

(garou scary face)

His faces literally make me shout WOAH at my screen ok thanks scary trash son. Ah, lookit the tanktopper army!! Fukkin Tank Top Mask is there to I’m- yes, just yes.

YES. MY BRO MY MAN KICK SOME ASS. Garou’s little ‘nani??’ omfg perfect.WAIT the little ‘haha~~’ THAT was perfect. I also need to point out here that in the manga Garou has a lot of crazy faces, like his expressions are very extra, (another way he’s a foil to Saitama, hah) but seeing them actually in motion speaking is borderline uncanny valley? They’ve creeped me out twice already and he’s been on screen for like 20 seconds? I mean i guess he IS going for the scary-monster thing, so uh, good job u freeky trash man you.

Oh, Tiger and Black Hole, I only missed you a little bit.

BOMB. ITS BOMB. YES. AAAHHH. I MEAN I KNEW HE WAS GOING TO SHOW UP IN THE EPISODE BUT IM STILL? HYPED??

Man the Garou music is really intense, holy shit. If I’m not mistaken something at least similar played when he was fighting at the HQ last episode. Honestly, I hope it’s not gonna be this sounding track every time garou gets in a fight. Cause, y’know, ge gets in a lot of those. It’s only been twice now and it’s still during establishing character moments so it passes, but I really really hope they switch it up or it will lose it’s epic feel.

Oh, there he goes with his creepy faces.

FUCK Mumen You FOOL. Also, how did you take that hit so well??? Tiger and Black hole are right for once. Oh you fools. Oh you fools. Stop it’s gonna get worse. ITS GONNA GET WORSE stOP TalKInG

Wait did Garou actually fake walk away in the manga?? I don’t remember that??? Gotta double check myself there cause that threw me off like? Garou??

Garou: 50% Uncanney Faces, 50% Badass

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand back to the freeky faces. Also, TTM’s “KUSO!!”

oh.

oh god.

The sound as he repeatedly bashes Mumen’s skull into the concrete. REPEATEDLY. my stomach. This fight is a rollercoaster of hype and pain oh no

Here have this screnecap so you can suffer, too

I must say, watching Garou fight otherwise is an absolute joy. The rest of this scene was so dynamic. I loved the way just glided through everyone and bounced around so fluidly. Keeping the water stream fist throughout it was also visually really pleasing. I need more. Give me more Garou fights, this is AMAZING. And that put us about half way through the episode like I predicted, which means I have no idea at what scene the episode will end.

“He’s here” Oh that was funny. Was that filler? I dont remember that either good shit good shit

YES IT THE

B A N A N A T I M E

TTM: “At least say I put up a good fight!!” Oh sweetheart I love you and appreciate you you did great

OH MY FUCK OH MY GOD OH FUCK GOOD OH FUCK SHIT FUCK

Oh shit that was a cool gag, how the newspaper flew past and garou just appeared. also. The most beautiful friendship is about to start and oh my god I’m so excited. Ok really I won’t lie- I would have been SCREAMING at Tareo on the screen if the didn’t just lead with Zombieman’s face in the catalog. I live for that pout. And his eyebrow is quirked like the heck u lookin at just. F. I’ve exhausted all my energy screaming at that. I’m so sorry.

Wait wait they still showed the side of his face again guys I’ve got it so bad for that 2D man help

I’ve waited so long for this scene. OH MY FUCK the little leg bob guys someone gif it NOW. I love both of them so much. Also, Tareo’s voice is adorable. Watching that kid go through some shit is gonna be heart wrenching. FFF Anyway, it looks like we are getting GoldenBall and Spring Mustachio this episode? I was torn either way if we’d see that much. huh.

Oohhh Shit Sea King and Melzalgald! Wassup flashbacks?? Oh my gosh Saitama looks so excited I think thats the happiest we’ve seen him in a long time? No wonder he takes an interest in martial arts! AH! The ticket! The ticket! The tournament ticket!! I know a bunch of people considered the tournament filler and found it annoying, but I’m so excited for it!! Like, it seriously gave me a whole new respect for Lightning Max and Snek, I can’t wait to see those boys get the spotlight for a second again!

OMFG What is this jiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii-- wtf I am Cackling?? Oh my fuck its still going this is Peak Comedy

AH! I missed them! And I wish the screen wasn’t so dark, but otherwise SEE WHAT I MEAN? Shit watching Garou move is fun as hell, even if he’s barely moving. Also, is that legit bullet fire sound effects? I also love that those two get drinks together regularly enough that Spring knew something was up when GB wasn’t there. So good so good.

Garou: “Ding ding ding” Me: glorious you bastard

Question, what the fuck is that sword made of that it shoots rainbows for miles? Is it the power of gay? I mean I personally don’t ship Spring and GB buuuuuuuuuuuuuut…………………………….

OH IM SO DISAPPOINTED GAROU DIDNT JUST FLIP US ALL OFF JUST A THUMBS DOWN CMON I WAS EXCITED FOR THAT I FEEL RIPPED OFF. Also there’s that music again, but it didn’t play the whole time thank goodness.

“Here comes the fan service to your screen” amirite?

Eh at least I got the satisfaction of watching the sleezeball get decked in the face. The brunette’s face when he asked for a kiss on the cheek is SUCH a MOOD. And oh fuck the ‘relax its for peace” Those two girls are the real stars of this episode I love them.

Obligatory “YES”ing at the screen rn hold on

OH FUCK GAROUS REACTION IS PRICELESS

Hey wait. HEY WAIT ARE THEY GONNA SHOW MY TRASH SON WAKING UP IN THE TRASH WHERE HE BELONGS??? THAT’S VERY IMPORTANT VERY

THE POST CREDIT SCENE. Genos I love you never change. Just. look at this precious boy. And the voice acting is perfect. I’m glad they ended on a humorous note this time. Gold.

IN SUMMARY: I honestly don’t feel like I have much to say or reflect on. I just really loved this episode. Favorite one yet. I mean of course I’m going to like it more as the story kicks the fuck up, but I genuinely had zero complaints, and actively enjoyed watching the animation.

Warning for next week btw, I’m going to be out of the country and also not really near civilization, so I probably won’t have wifi, so theres a good chance I wont be able to blog next week’s episode till I get back. Which I’m actually pissed about. because

WE ARE GOING TO GET TO SEE METAL BAE KICK SOME MONSTER ASS AND IVE WAITED SO MANY YEARS TO SEE HIS STUPID DELINQUENT FACE IN ACTION FUCK MY TIMING MAN IM BOTH EXCITED AND PISSED of all the weeks I had to live in the wilderness UHG. Bet your ass I’m going to TRY MY DAMNDEST to get internet next Tuesday.

I’ll hopefully see yall next week, thanks for reading!

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cherry-interlude · 6 years

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Top 10 Favourite Lana Del Rey Songs (Discography)

I’ve made posts like this before, discussing my favourite Lana Del Rey songs (or weakly ordering them despite the frequent alternations in which songs I like more), but I rarely seem to write at the moment so I thought I’d vaguely order my favourite Lana songs from her discography

10. Salvatore

This track is just a filler but I think it deserves much more, particularly as it is set apart from the rest of her music. The instrumentals and vocals, which are heavily Italian in nature, really set the scene for the beautiful landscape in which Lana is ‘working on her tan’, taking us away from the country she frequently sings of (though manages to reference it anyway) and into a different universe entirely, where the song gradually builds as does her seduction through the song. What sets this song apart is also the unusual laughing - or crying - at the start of the song which plays underneath the rest of the track, sounding like an old man who is either maniacally laughing or brokenly sobbing, which makes me wonder if he is whom Lana sings of, much to his enjoyment, or if she has left him, much to his agony, making this song’s layers become curios-er and curious-er.

9. The Blackest Day

This song is particularly special to me, not because I necessarily relate to it but because I have always been mesmerised by its beauty and emotion. It slipped through the cracks for me until I sat and listened to Honeymoon properly, and I thought it was incredible how Lana managed to convey her grief through the steadiness, building and falling along with her vocals, through the song, and it was heart-wrenching the first dozen times I heard the bridge which seemed as if Lana was losing her controlled tone from the verses. It’s an incredible track overall, with the references to Lana’s favourite musician and the way she mutters, wails and just purely sings, reminding me of the underrated Cruel World from a sadder perspective, making me wish she would sing this song live or at least push it into the spotlight along with the rest of her most-loved music.

8. Brooklyn Baby

I don’t listen to or particularly like songs I don’t relate to, particularly when they oppose me in nature - for example, This Is What Makes Us Girls - but Brooklyn Baby is one of Lana’s finest masterpieces in terms of music. It’s a charming song which strays from her dismal world of sublime sadness and instead perks up the album with a plucky guitar and Lana’s sweet vocals. Yet Lana’s vocals aren’t just sweet - they can be strong and breezy, as demonstrated in the pre-choruses - and it’s this that adds to the richness of the song. Understanding that Lana’s idea for the song is to be ironic makes it more bearable, yet it is great to hear the ridiculous claims of how no one is as cool as Lana, when compared to the much more adult and gritty opinions on ‘being the mistress’ or being abused yet nonetheless dedicated, which highlights this song as an enjoyable delight rather than a typically sad song.

7. Shades Of Cool

My terrible opinion of Shades Of Cool was, at first, that it was boring, not at all interesting and too weird for me to get my head around, yet giving it several listens really struck me just how incredible the song is, from the breathtaking music to Lana’s coy yet strong vocals - much like in Brooklyn Baby - to the emotive lyrics. Just the opening music to the track is enough to raise goosebumps, with the tentative steps that match her voice perfectly before it grows to an explosion of vocalising and music that seems to come from her heart rather than instruments. The clashing bridge is also now a favourite of mine, defiantly demonstrating her emotions as rather than being careful like in the verses instead being this strangely hypnotic noise, and I can say I was absolutely mistaken when I first claimed this to be a boring song.

6. Art Deco

The lyrics may be simple but somehow Art Deco never stops being one of my favourite tracks. The hypnotic music, which I describe as ‘aquatic’, sets the tone perfectly and automatically gives the feeling of calm on the listener, distancing from some of the more fiery tracks and instead is refreshing as a song. It doesn’t mean much in terms of lyrics, as the verses are just about the type of person I could never relate to, and the choruses are mostly basic, but the feeling the song gives me is incredible. The gradual build, with the final chorus feeling much more powerful and emotive than the rest of the song, leaves a flourishing finish, whilst maintaining the same feeling of contentment each time I listen to this song. What would make the song more perfect is if it had a music video or a live performance from Lana to bring that feeling and dreamy world to life.

5. Born To Die

There are many songs on Born To Die that I do love, but if I had to pick just one to put on this list, it would have to be the album’s title track. My favourite song on the album is Blue Jeans, yet this track somehow has more meaning to me personally rather than just the story I’m being told through the track I favour, and I can relate somewhat to Born To Die, for many reasons. What makes me like this song more is that it is one of the first which really made me listen to Lana Del Rey, with Young and Beautiful, Video Games and Put Me In A Movie being the first few, yet Born To Die was something else entirely and seemed to take me to another place that still felt in my world. The lyrics, which surely can be applied to many people and situations, always relate to me no matter who or what is surrounding me. There’s also the instrumental, the violins and the steps that lead into the verse, then the much more dramatic burst of the chorus which gives the song a film-feel, which is what I enjoy about Lana Del Rey’s music. It’s such a Lana Del Rey song, a memorable classic from her discography, and the greatest example of why she is brilliant when it comes to her music.

4. Ultraviolence

Because there are previous posts where I have talked about Ultraviolence, I won’t repeat what I’ve written but Ultraviolence is definitely one of Lana’s strongest songs in terms of music, as the clanging cacophony of chiming bells and shaky violins sets the tone perfectly, the slightly-off feel and the low-fi quality shows the instability and abusive romance, which doesn’t make this purely a song.

3. Cruel World

Like with the track Ultraviolence, I have gushed over Cruel World many times before, particularly when it comes to the luxuriously low-fi rumble of guitars, drums and Lana’s vocals which incredibly show her anger throughout the track, particularly when she claims she is “crazy”, an atmospheric track which is brilliant to listen to whenever you feel just as deranged as Lana within this song. It is one of Lana’s best songs by far, as passionate as it is sexy, as sad as it is empowering, and it paints the perfect image of Ultraviolence itself - unpolished yet undeniably brilliant, Lana’s finest album in terms of instrumentals.

2. Music To Watch Boys To

This track definitely managed to fight its way onto the list after years of not really listening to it as much as the rest of her music, yet Lana’s beautiful and unusual atmospheric aquatic dream, Music To Watch Boys To, is a hypnotic masterpiece and one of her best songs. It may be slow-paced and quiet song, a homage to the people that pass Lana by, but it’s a soothing, sensual track which includes different vocalisations that layer this song as much as her emotions do throughout it, whilst maintaining a cool, careless feel despite the theme of the song. The lyrics which keep the rich imagery often within Lana’s music make this the perfect glimpse into Lana’s mind, and the Fantasia-feel creates a world rather than merely a track.

1. Cherry

Though it isn’t impactful the same way as Lana’s stronger tracks such as Born To Die, Ultraviolence or her other well-known songs, it’s still a fan favourite and my own personal favourite. Though it keeps with the theme of sadness, unreliable people and Lana’s typically Del Rey imagery which she lists within the track, it’s still a seductive and strong song, twisting the idea of being broken into being able to be stronger from it, as Lana doesn’t lose her brilliance within this song. The instrumentals make this even better, with the Ultraviolence-feel of guitars and drums - though more polished - whilst maintaining the feel of Lana’s latest album.

#lana del rey #lana del rey songs #salvatore #honeymoon #the blackest day #brooklyn baby #ultraviolence #shades of cool #art deco #born to die #cruel world #music to watch boys to #cherry #lust for life #writing #my opinion

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celesticidal · 5 years

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list the top ten songs you can’t stop listening to lately, then tag some folks ... listen, if you want to do it, then absolutely do it and link me because I fuckin love music, you nerds. tagged by @ninemoons42.

1. mirah - gold rush | this is just one of those songs that when it crops up on my playlist, I end up repeating it like 10 times before I move on because it is absolutely that beautiful and gosh I love everything about it.

2. puscifer - green valley | weirdly enough, I only really started listening to the full puscifer catalog after APC dropped their newest album, and this is my standout favorite. the dirge feel, the harmonies, the reaching electronic heartbeat -- it’s so good.

3. a perfect circle - by and down the river | listen. listen. I know that eat the elephant is basically old man yells at clouds and millennials: the album, but there’s a magic equation to APC that’s always absolutely done it for me musically, and this song in particular really highlights the fact that after a decade they haven’t lost their touch at all. (also? fucking james iha, oh my god)

4. nick cave & the bad seeds - distant sky | the biggest heartwrecker I’ve encountered in like a decade. watch that, try not to lose your whole entire shit when a wet-eyed Nick sings those wrenching last lines. I’ve kinda adopted this song as the conclusion of my canon-compliant cornyx ficverse, though I’ve got some reservations about it.

5. coeur de pirate - ocean’s brawl | the fight song to end all fight songs imo. another one of those songs that ends up getting played 10+ times whenever it hits play. the buildup to this titanic struggle is just phenomenal, underscored by one of my favorite lady voices out there.

6. little red lung - our ghost | unpopular opinion: florence’s music is generally amazing, but her cover of stand by me was disappointingly bland and terminally uninspired, owing the entire weight of its gravitas to the fact that we all fell in love with the boys. anyway, this is what’s playing through my head at the end of ffxv.

7. pim stones - we have it all | WILL SOMEONE PLEASE WRITE A STORY BASED ON THIS SONG AND VIDEO PLEASE. I guarantee that if this song starts playing, I will lose a whole half a day just listening to it on repeat and thinking about bad end AUs where my ship of the moment just goes down in flames, but in a beautiful and decadent way like something out of a Lana Del Rey song. This is probably my number one can’t-stop-repeating song, and the only reason it’s lost traction at all is because eventually I do get sick of it. For like a week.

8. kishi bashi - in fantasia | I can be kinda hit or miss with KB’s music, but god this one is like a punch right to the heart. it’s layered and complex in a way that keeps me coming back for more because every time I do there’s something new to hear. video nsfw for UGLY CRYING IN YOUR PLACE OF EMPLOYMENT.

9. okkervil river - another radio song | if someone tags me in this meme fifty years from now, this is the song that’s going to remain on this list. I want it carved on my tombstone. it’s everything to me -- and proof that no matter how much time goes by, I will always be a sucker for indie bands led by songwriters who can’t quite sing but can set the world aflame with perfect lyrics.

10. shearwater - jet plane & oxbow (full album stream) | miri ... miri, you’re cheating. yes but also the thing is, every time a jp+o song comes up, I end up listening to the whole album so not really?? Just grabbing the link meant catching the first few bars of prime and whoops, here I am, listening to it again. IT’S SO GOOD and proof that JM did right for himself when he stepped away from the super distinctive Shearwater sound they’d perfected during the island arc albums. honestly, the only bad thing I can say about the record is that, because it’s a 2016-dated political protest record, you’re not really able to walk away from the moment.

#miri does a meme #so many music opinions #gonna lose half my friends list to that florence opinion but i stand ... by ... it

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aleinackleswriting · 6 years

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broke inside

I had to redo it on a new side for reasons.

So, here it is. My first try. As mentioned, my english isn’t that good and this lil story here was more for me to work through something that happened recently. Unfortunately, there wasn’t a Jensen nor a Jared to help me through it, but I had someone else.

Warnings: triggerwarning? depression, a lil bit of fluff, worried Jensen, no pairing, friendship, but overall it’s very depressing though. Gif is not mine.

“I am okay. I am fine. I am okay.”

You hold onto yourself, rocking back and forth, repeating the words over and over again. You didn’t know what happened. You were fine. At least you think you were.

It was a typical day for you. You went to work. You did your job. You were good at what you did. Everyone came to you, when they needed help. They ask for your opinion, reached out to you, when they needed a second pair of eyes. And you did it, even when you struggled to keep your own work on bay. But you still helped them. It was in your nature.

It was how your mind and body worked.

Actually, when you think about it now, you realized the mistakes you did in the past. You weren’t fine, not at all. You just pushed the demons away, every fucking day. You fought against them and it tired you out. And the act you had to keep up took a toll on you as well.

“I am fine. I am okay. I am fine.”

You didn’t stop repeating these words. You desperately hold onto them, like they were your air. Your words were barely a whisper. Your mind was drifting back and forth between right now and the past days. Your mood shifted from high to low. It all started when you realized that your friend was lying to you. The one person you trusted the most. The one person you relied on the most. She backstabbed you without second thoughts and the fun part of this situation? She thought you didn’t see it coming or even recognized it. Oh hell, but you did. You recognized all the little things. How she pulled away from you. How she talked with another people about you. How she humiliated you in front of others. But you didn’t say anything. Why would you anyways? It didn’t matter. She was the one. The prom queen. You were just… you. And you were not enough. That’s what people have told you over the years. You. Are. Not. Enough.

“I am okay. I am fine. I am okay.” Your voice was horse from all the crying but you kept it up. Over and over again. “I am okay. I am fine. I am okay.”

“I think you’re not.”

A deep voice interjected your mantra and you let out a small scream. Bright green eyes looked at you worried. You let out a sob again and looked away. You felt embarrassed, you felt naked. You didn’t want anyone to see you like this. A freaking broken mess just scattered pieces of who you really are.

“Do you need help?” He sat down right next to you and you immediately slid a little bit away from him. He held his arms up and eyed you again. “Hey, I won’t hurt you. I’m just worried. “

“Why, Jensen? Why are you worried? Why would it matter to you anyways?”, you asked him, your sight blurry because of all the tears falling down your cheeks.

“Because you are my friend!” He took your hand in his, but you pulled away with all the strength you had. You didn’t want him to touch you. “Y/N?”

“Just let me.” You let out a heart wrenching sob again. “Let me be. Go, go to Jared. Have some fun. Just let me stay here on my own. I know you don’t want to be here anyways. I am alone and I am okay with it.” There it was again. The lie you told yourself on a daily basis. You weren’t okay with being alone, but you were used to it.

“Are you serious? You are not alone, Y/N! Nobody is. What happened to you?” Jensen asked, not hiding that he wasn’t okay with the way you thought about yourself. “What did they do to you?”

“Well, that’s the thing”, you laughed sarcastically, “nothing. And that’s just it. They. Did. Nothing. They just started to pick on me a bit and I brushed it off. I thought it’s just a phase, you know? That everything will fall back into place. But it got worse. And I found myself doubting me. And to be honest I kinda found myself telling me that I deserve it.”

“Y/N…” Jensen started again, but you kept talking and ignored his words.

“And oh well, I kept the act up. I am a pretty good actress, I think. Maybe I should try out for a role on the show and then they can suck my imaginary dick and choke on it. I kept my walls up and fought away the demons. I didn’t answer their messages immediately. I didn’t write them on my own, when I hadn’t had to. I built this barrier between them and me. But somehow, it cracked, I think. I don’t know how and I seriously don’t know how I ended up here. Broken inside. Not feeling alive anymore and the worst thing? I can’t remember why I broke down in the first place, Jensen. I didn’t hear any song. I didn’t read anything which could have triggered it. It came out of nowhere and it scares the hell outta me. And I feel guilty for pulling you into this and burden you with all my dark thoughts, especially since I do know you have to keep your anxiety at bay as well. And then you have Jared, your brother not by blood but by choice and heart who needs you as well. Just forget it, okay Jensen?”

You got up and started walking. You had your arms around you, shivering and sobbing. You felt guilty for what you just did. Why did you tell him all the dark thoughts roaming around your mind?

“I am fine. I am okay. I am fine.” You started again.

“For fucks sake,y/n, WAIT!” Jensen yelled and when he caught up with you, he forced you to stop walking. He stood right in front of you, his hands on your shoulders. You were too scared to look up, afraid you would see hatred and disgust in his eyes and you had enough of this.

“Look at me, Y/N. I mean it. Look at me or I swear to god I will force you.” Jensen’s voice was hard and your heartbeat was rising every minute. “Y/N, please”, he begged you and you slowly raised your head, prepared to see disgust and rejection. When your y/e/c met his, you were taken aback.

A small tear found its way down his cheek and a rush of guilt went through you again. “Jensen, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to…”

“Could you please shut up for a second and listen to me? Could you that for me? At least I deserve this after the whole speech you just gave me, Y/N.” He wiped away the tear and you shut your cakehole and bit your lip. “All the things you said? Lemme tell you something, sweetheart, they are bullshit.”

“But..”, you said, but Jensen looked at you with an intense stare. If you wouldn’t have known it better, you would thing you were literally “eyefucking” with him. That’s what they write down in the script, when Dean and Cas have an intense glare. You held your hands up in surrender, but immediately wrapped them around yourself again.

“You matter, Y/N and you are not alone. Yeah, maybe you were. In the past, you might have been alone. But things change. And you have changed. Screw those people who don’t appreciate who you really are. Fuck those who are trying to pull you down, just for the fun of it. You fucking matter, Y/N, to a lot of people. Think about it: what would JJ do, when you aren’t there at her birthday? She loves you, from the bottom of her heart. She would be devastated.”

“Playing the kid card. Smart move, Jay. Smart one”, you huffed and rolled your eyes. “You know I don’t like it when you pull the kidcard.”

“I’m not playing any cards y/n. I just want to let you know that you matter to people. To my daughters. To my son. To my wife. And most of all, you matter to me. I know you have a hard time believing it, but remember what I said once to you. All those years ago, back in Los Angeles…”, Jensen said and smiled at you.

You sighed. You remember exactly what he said all these years ago. But things have changed. And it took you off guard that Jensen remembered it anyways.

“What did I tell you, y/n?”, he asked again and took a step towards you.

“You said that I’m family, no matter what. You said that I can count on you. You said that no matter what, you would always have my back. But things have changed, Jensen. We aren’t those people anymore. We have changed… We don’t fool around anymore, don’t spent the night together. You are married now and have a beautiful wife and family. I don’t fit there anymore…”, you said.

“Yeah, we aren’t sleeping with each other anymore but that doesn’t change the way I feel about you. I still love you. You are my family. And I have your back. Believe it or not, I do. And if I have to? I would pull Dean out of the closet, hunt down these bitches and then we would have the time of our life!”, he said, laughing a bit what made you laugh. He pulled you into a hug and you laid your head down on his chest. His heartbeat calmed you down and the tears slowly stopped falling down your cheeks.

Jensen would always be your rock. He would always be the one person, who will bring the light in your dark. He was the one who knows you better than anyone else.

He was your best friend. And nothing could change that.

“Am I allowed to join? Is this a group hug thing? Hell, I don’t care, I need a hug.”

Jareds voice chirmed in and you felt a second pair of arms wrapping around you. You smiled. Not much, but a small smile was forming on your lips. This was your home. This was your family.

“Hey, y/n?” Jared whispered quietly.

“Hm?”

“Always keep fighting, okay? You are not alone and we have your back. No matter what.”

“Thanks, Jared”, you said in a broken whisper.

You felt loved and the feeling of being alone slowly faded away. When you looked into Jensen’s eyes, all you could see was love and even a little bit fear. “Remember what I said back in LA as well?”

“It’s okay to be scared, as long as it doesn’t take over. Don’t let the demons win.”

“Yeah. Don’t let the darkness eat you up. There will be a light at the end of the tunnel. And I promise you, I will drag your little ass through the darkness to the light”, Jensen laughed.

“And I will gladly help him”, Jared said.

“Thank you, guys.”

This wasn’t the first time you had broken down and it wouldn’t be the last. Hell, you also knew that it was just a matter of time that one of the men in front of you will break. Because, truth been told, everyone at some point struggles with life. As long as you have someone that has your back, you can keep going. They will pull you out.

Always.

#jensen ackles #Jensen #Dean #Winchester #Supernatural #Jared Padalecki #Jensen Ackles x reader #Jared Padalecki x reader #Fanfiction #always keep fighting #broken

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marksarmel · 4 years

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What I’m Consuming 07/14/20

I haven’t done one of these mainly because I didn’t feel like talking about frivolous media consumption while the world is on fire, but we still here. Let’s get on with it.

George Floyd video - I didn’t want to watch this because I just didn’t want to see a black man die. Again. If you haven’t watched it you should. To see and hear a grown man call for his dead mother is heart wrenching. It’s terrible. It’s disgusting. It’s merciless and it’s absolutely necessary. We must not turn away from this horror because it makes it too easy to ignore. This is what happens just down the street, on the “wrong” side of the road, and right next door. In the video one witness makes the comment, “He is human bro.” This says it all, but allow me to pile on. George Floyd is human. The cops are blithely inhuman.

George Floyd witnesses - Witnesses ask/beg officers to stop kneeling on George Floyd’s neck. They are casually ignored. That very nature is the terror here. A man’s life is slipping away and the guy could be casually eating ice cream, texting someone, or waiting for the light to change.

Dave Chapelle - 8:46 - Dave dropped this on Netflix. It’s worth watching. It’s not funny as much as it’s one man’s exasperated commentary on things he’s been talking about his entire career; fear of cops, inequality, racism. If you’ve watched any of Dave Chapelle you probably know this. If you don’t you’re just not listening.

BLM Protest Videos - Watch as many of them as you can. These protests are the gesticulations of a people long ignored struggling to write themselves into their own story that has, up until now, been written by someone else.

MOVIES

I haven’t watched many new movies for obvious pandemic reasons. I think during this time it’s important to educate ourselves on what’s happening with race in America today. There are plenty of lists on things to watch and read and listen to, but I want to try to do something a little different and pair movies up with another piece of media that I think compliments it in some way.

I Am Not Your Negro - James Baldwin (2016) - To Pimp a Butterfly - Kendrick Lamar (2015) - At the beginning of I Am Not Your Negro James Baldwin is asked if things are, “at once getting much better, but still hopeless”. His response is that the real question is, “what’s going to happen to this country.” 50 years later we are still asking these same questions. There is a shot at 37:12 in I Am Not Your Negro of a white cop standing with his knee on a woman’s neck. 50 years later we are still seeing these same things. In the past 50 years we have landed on the moon, mapped the human genome, invented the internet, cloned animals, built the iPhone, gone from records, to 8-tracks, to tapes, to cds, to streaming music, elected 11 different presidents and still, today African Americans walk through the world linked to their past by the chains of racism.

Amy Cooper video (2020) and Get Out - Jordan Peele (2017) - This movie was a huge hit, but I think the ending is all the more terrifying and shows the real world horror of life in America for a black man when watched with the video of Amy Cooper. In the video Amy calls the cops and in order to get the response she feels entitled to, she tells the cops that Christian Cooper, a black man, is threatening her. Never have I seen a more clear example of life imitating art, intentionally or not. Watch the movie first then watch the video.

Hurricane - Bob Dylan (1976) - The Hurricane - Norman Jewison (1999) - Just Mercy - Destin Daniel Cretton (2019) The arrest of Rubin “Hurricane” Carter in the late 60’s led to the protest song by Dylan in 1976 which led to the movie with Denzel Washington in 1999. The movie Just Mercy from 2019 is not about Rubin Carter, but it’s about the same thing. A black man is arrested, tried and convicted of a crime with very little evidence and is later found to be innocent. It’s the song, it’s the movie, it’s the movie again. Black people are living in a real life racist horror movie version of Groundhog Day.

13th - Ava Duvernay (2016) - Ronald Reagan’s War on Drugs speech (1986)

You can watch 13th for free on YouTube.

Reagan’s speech you can watch here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gj8gAQ_cQ7Q

The film goes into great detail about the issues with America and the prison industrial complex and Reagan’s speech is just a small part of it. I see Reagan’s speech though, as something I remember in my early life. Not the speech itself, but the the War on Drugs and the “Just Say No” campaign. The War on Drugs has terrorized black and minority communities and has led to mass incarceration on a scale so large that as of 2019 there are 2.3 million people in jail. Nixon began the war on crime that laid the foundation of the prison industrial complex, Reagan built the jails, Bush filled them and Clinton created the three strikes rule which was a shot of adrenaline to this system.

The following is not something I’ve come up with myself, but it is based on facts and it is true.The US criminal justice system is NOT failing black and brown people. It is working exactly as it was designed. This system was created to destroy black and brown communities. It was created to continue the system of slavery after slavery was outlawed. It is a FOR PROFIT industry. Those who profit from it are the modern day slave owners.

MUSIC

I feel the need to articulate current events with some music. Some old. Some new.

“Strange Fruit” - Nina Simone (1965) - There has been a spate of Black and Hispanic men and women found hanging recently. From May to June there have been 6 hangings, all ruled a suicide. If you want a horrifying description of these modern day lynchings listen to this song.

Black on Both Sides - Mos Def (1999)- A honest and raw description of life for a modern black man. It is honest, boastful, and beautiful. The black man is simply put, a man. As a man he strives for love, success, and happiness. As a man he also sometimes fails. You and I are no different than a black man. In Umi Says, Mos Def repeats the refrain, “I want black people to be free.” We must all sing this same refrain.

“Changes” - 2pac (1998). Just listen to it. Then listen to again. This song was released in 1992. It could have come out right now.

R.A.P. Music - Killer Mike (2012)- Before there was Run the Jewels there was Killer Mike and El-P in the studio whipping out this AK-47 of an album. Follow this up with Public Enemy’s Fear of a Black Planet. Follow that up with some action.

RTJ4 - Run the Jewels (2020)- A 2020 soundtrack. Or is it 2000? Or 1960?

RANDOM NOTES

I’ve also recently discovered the work of Tobe Nwigwe on Instagram. Check it out @Tobenwigwe

Gil Scott Heron said the revolution will not be televised. Heron, no doubt, did not foresee a world where everyone could be a camera, or that their voices could be amplified to such a degree, but the world is being forced to examine its own disfigured self. All through the mirror in our pockets and backpacks and living rooms. One thing Gil Scott Heron was right about in his song is this, “black people will be in the street looking for a brighter day.” We must join them.

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5hfanfiction · 7 years

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Untitled (10/10)

From the Dining Table

Why won’t you ever be the first one to break?

Even my phone, misses your call, by the way,

February 2019

I stare at the girl, dumbfound and in love.

Lauren hadn’t reached out to Camila, it was already January, three months since their fight. Since their last kiss, their last touch.

Lauren pretended not to care. She assumed Camila never did.

Lauren pretended not to care when she saw Camila leaning against a building, a cigarette between her lips and bags under her eyes. Or when she saw Camila roughly push Austin away, her features distressed and sad.

Eventually, Lauren pretended not to care enough that Camila started to believe she never did. Though Camila couldn’t expect much, never really have given Lauren a reason to care.

‘How’s Camila doing?’

‘I don’t know dad.’

‘Will we go to Lauren’s place again this summer Kaki?’

‘I don’t think so Sof.’

Camila doesn’t feel clean, doesn’t feel sober.

The thoughts of Lauren keep her in a constant state of dizziness and tragic ecstasy.

She’s felt withdrawal before sure, but her blood itching for Lauren is the worst kind.

The white of Camila’s walls doesn’t soothe her, despite being her favourite colour. In fact, she’s never felt more claustrophobic.

It’s hard to remember a simple kiss, blurred by pulsating music and alcohol scented air.

But the memory of Camila’s last kiss with Lauren is fresh against her mind.

She doesn’t think the wound will ever heal.

Camila has spent her time checking her phone, a futile habit. Though there’s never a notification from Lauren.

Her thumb hovers over the call button almost every night, her sight blurry from tears and lungs strangled from missing the green-eyed girl.

Lauren deserves better, that’s what Camila reminds herself every time her thumb is a little too close to the call option, and though it burdens her with profuse sadness, she believes it to be the truth.

‘You need to go to that crappy ass music building.’ is how Dinah greets Lauren the minute she steps into the green-eyed girl’s room.

‘Urm, hi?’

‘Yeah, hi, fucking hello, hola, whatever. You need to go there.’

‘And why’s that?’

‘For fucks sake Lauren, for once just listen.’

‘Comfortable silence is so overrated, why won’t you ever be the first one to break?’ her voice fills the lonely room, her fingers dancing along a dusty piano. The hurt in her voice echoes against the walls of my heart, dense with sorrow I wish I could erase.

I never knew she could sing, or even play the piano, though I never knew much about her anyway.

I watch as she finishes the song, exhaling deeply with her gaze set on the piano. I let out a heavy breath myself, not sure how to approach her, if I should at all.

‘Oh, for fucks sake.’ Dinah’s voice comes from behind me, and before I know it, I’m being pushed inside the room, making Camila’s head snap up.

Her eyes are flush with weariness, cheeks caressed by slow tears and I find myself resenting for not being there for her.

‘What do you want Lauren? If you’re here to bask in my plight the-’

‘I’m sorry.’ I croak out, the realisation that this is the first time we’ve spoken in three months thick in my throat.

She laughs at that, wiping at her cheeks and standing up.

‘I’m the one who slapped you remember?’ she mumbles, gathering her things.

‘I deserved it.’

‘I’ll see you around Lauren.’ she makes a move to walk past me and three months of my heart crawling against needles flash before my eyes, and before I know it, I’m pulling her into me, kissing her desperately.

I expected her to kiss me back, or even push me away, so when she trembled against my lips, a sob escaping her own, I was more than surprised. It was heart-wrenching, seeing the love of my life breaking into pieces that I had no clue how to put together. To watch the lips that only deserved to be smiling breathe out desperate cries.

All I could do was wrap my arms around her, hoping they can lay a blanket of comfort over her shaking shoulders, the both of us sliding down against the wall. Silence stood still in the room, occasionally broken by Camila’s mumbled apologies.

We stayed like that for a while, the girl falling asleep in my arms, and I spend the time watching the fractured sunlight flirting against the glass, a cold breeze dancing its way around the curtain. The ill-fated evening, as odd as it may be, seemed to resonate well with me, and I couldn’t figure out why. But I’m sure the brunette in my arms had something to do with it.

I turn towards her, the sad features no longer present in her sleep, and I wonder what she’s dreaming about. If she’s dreaming at all. Lightly brushing away the hair from her face, I press my lips to her forehead.

‘Camz, wake up.’

She stirs, not heeding to my request, instead burying her face in my neck, the action making me smile, despite the tension in my bones.

‘Camz.’

‘You’ll leave.’

‘I’ll be stupid if I do, which I won’t by the way.’

She looks up at that, and it’s clear she doesn’t believe me, but I let her eyes wander around my face, hoping she finds the sincerity she’s looking for.

‘Why?’

‘I want to stay with you.’

‘I hurt you.’

‘I hurt you too.’ I mumble, not proud of how I treated her.

‘You don’t get it.’ she breathes out, getting up, her tone exasperated.

‘Then tell me.’ I reply, following suit.

‘Can’t you figure it out? You think you’re so fucking smart.’

‘Well I am smart, but apparently so are you, so tell me. What is it that I’m not getting?’

‘I hurt you, and I’m not- I’m not like you, I- I don’t deserve you, and I never will.’ she whispers, her tone numb.

Anxiety bubbled its way through my veins, and everything I told myself I should never say was clawed at my tongue, desperately wanting to be heard. Ask her to yours. Tell her you love her.

‘You can do so much better Laur.’ she smiles sadly, picking up her things and making her way to the door, a sight that crumbles my insides into pieces.

‘I’m in love with you.’ the words feel foreign on my tongue, to the point I don’t even realise I’ve said them.

Her footsteps halt, but she doesn’t turn around to face me.

‘I’m in love with you Camila.’ I say it again, walking towards her slowly.

‘I’ve been in love with you since the day you made my bed feel warm, even after you left. I’ve been in love with you since the day you reminded me that I could feel and that I was alive. I’ve been in love with you since you started telling me your stupid fucking jokes whilst ripping my clothes off. I’ve been in love with you and nothing makes me feel more than knowing that.’

The confession makes me feel weak, as though I’ve let out all the energy held within me, and my only comfort is the girl in front of me. So, I wrap my arms around her, basking in her scent.

‘I’m in love with you,’ I whisper the words against her neck, ‘I want you and only you.’

‘You’re not hungry? You haven’t touched much of your pizza Camz.’ I ask her, the both of us sitting in some low profile Italian restaurant that was sympathetic to our wallets.

‘I just- I don’t know. I’m just tired.’ she replies, the mentioned tiredness evident in her tone, but I wasn’t giving up that easy.

‘Did you hit your head? You love pizza.’ I manage to elicit a tiny smile from her, though her mind still seems to be elsewhere.

‘What’s wrong?’ I ask, hoping to actually get an answer.

Instead, her reply is a shake of her head, her eyes shying away from my own.

‘Okay. We don’t have to talk about it. But just remember I’m here okay?’

She nods at that, resuming her meal.

‘What do you say we go to yours after this and watch that movie you love. What was it called again? A Walk…?’

She mumbles something, but I don’t bother to pay attention, too busy trying to remember the name.

‘A walk… urm, fuck.’ I whisper, embarrassed to have forgotten the name of her favourite move.

‘Laur.’ she mumbles my name, and I’m almost certain it’s to turn down the idea, but I didn’t want to leave her alone. Not tonight (or ever really).

‘Okay I’m sorry, I forgot the name but it doesn’t mea-’

‘I love you.’ the blurted words cut me off, catching onto the air in my throat, choking me.

She immediately comes at my side, rubbing my back and everything tunes out, Izone out from whatever she’s saying; all I can hear is a high-pitch string of three words repeating themselves, over and over and over again. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you.

It was comically beautiful, hearing those words, in the middle of a restaurant neither one of us remember the name of, in the audience of a streetlamp that’s about to let out its last breath, flickering against the window we were seated by, the both of us surrounded by careless commotion. The girl that I was recklessly in love with just told me she loved me.

My vision blurs, and I’m almost certain that every nerve inside of me fogs into something I never thought I’d be capable to feel. Everything makes sense yet nothing makes sense at all. Adrenaline surges through my veins and I’m suddenly immune to feeling, yet I’m feeling everything at once.

‘Lau-’

I kiss her, eager and desperate, the touch of our lips burning out the streetlamp completely, and I’m sure I hear a plate drop somewhere behind us but fuck I was kissing the girl I loved, the same girl who told me she loved me back, and nothing else mattered in that moment.

It didn’t matter what happened between us, where we were, or what the future held. It didn’t matter that her confession was scattered. It didn’t matter that we had both broken each other in one way or another.

All that mattered was how her love was soaking into my bones, bringing with it a home that I thought I’d never be lucky enough to have. All that mattered was that she broke down her walls just to be with me, forgetting anything her younger-self had told her about people. All that mattered was that she was pulling me closer, kissing me back with just as much love. All that mattered was her telling me she loved me.

‘I love you.’ she breathes against my lips, and I’m left feeling hazy from tasting those words.

Though I’m sure, I’ll remember this night for the rest of my life, her raw confession engraving itself in my heart.

From the dining table.

a/n: and there it is :) I’ll admit this wasn’t going to be a camren endgame, because i suck at those kinda endings (for real, I have a million drafts for the last chapter), but I thought to try :)

Thanks again for reading, liking, messaging and all that jazz :)

#UPDATE #series #AU #camren #laurinah #based on song #angst drama #submission #Untitled

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themousai · 4 years

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Top 10 Albums Of The Decade: Jai Aronsen

Long Live The Chariot

[2010]

If you’ve listened to them before, you know The Chariot for anguished feedback and droning riffs played almost backwards paired with howling screams in a thick southern accent. If you’ve seen them live before, you can skip the rest of this entry because you know how transcendentally chaotic it is, and that no words I put in a sentence will really explain the experience. A very unique, very noisy, very talented bunch. And in 2010 they released their best album. Long Live is a blizzard of metallic feedback and the screams of abused guitar strings. This album is like being attacked.

The first track, ‘Evan Perks’ is one of the most immediately establishing demonstrations of a tone and sound you can imagine. It’s a real “get onboard or get off now” wall of sound that sort of beats you over the head, just stabbing slams which don’t follow a time signature. This is what Long Live sounds like. Even the more melodic southern style riffs toyed with are delivered with a grinding crunchy distortion and rumbling bass taking it past grunge and into sludge. The later tracks turn even darker with echoes and drawn out space while Josh Scogin’s always provoking lyrics temper them with poetry. The album is always an emotional, confronting and beautiful thing caught in the jaws of a monster. The perfect example of this is possibly the best song The Chariot have ever written, ‘The City’. I first heard this song on a family car trip. I then listened to it on repeat for the next four hours, until my head hurt from the droning so much I physically had to stop. It’s almost confusing that such a chaotic band can produce something that builds so much tension, triumphant and cathartic with some of the greatest “whoa-oh-oh’s” used by a band ever.

If you’ve ever wondered how a wall of sound can hit you in the heart, Long Live is a truly unique album by a band at the peak of their talents, aiming to punch you in the feels while it goes for your throat.

Proper Into It Over It

[2011]

Emo is an odd thing. Being a byword for “emotional” has a lot of implications. Unbearable sadness is one. But it’s not the only one, and you must present the kaleidoscope of the human heart in all its variation. Usually while crying.

This album is a tricky one to define as “emo” given that it arrived during the early resurgence of mildly sad pop punk. Are we prepared to call “soft grunge” a thing? Is “gentle punk” too far? Regardless, Proper is a bouncy, catchy and easy listen delivered with the infectious hooks of pop punk and the emotional gravity of emo. Evan Weiss’s lyrics and vocal melodies run and run, with playful sentences and gorgeous imagery throughout.

What sets his arrangement and execution apart from the slew of emo bands of the same era is the impeccably subtle technicality of it all. Like the best of the genre Proper is layered intricacies disguised as simple melodies, where even the most hummable leads and vocal runs are peppered with odd time signatures, stop-start riffs and cheeky metaphors in a way that never harms how cohesive the song is on whole. At all times, the drums, the guitars, the vocals, everyone is doing something impressive that, altogether, is harmonious and so catchy you forget how technically written it is. Hard to recommend a single song, but ‘Fortunate Friends’ is a true favourite of mine, and once learned to a followable degree is one of the most fun to sing along to at the top of one’s lungs. For a more even example of Into It. Over It.’s sound, ‘Midnight : Carrol Street’ is one of the most finely penned breakup songs ever recorded, lyrics puncturing complex emotional turmoil and boiling it down into simple, clear imagery with a cutting comprehensiveness to it.

For me, Proper is the best parts of the genre overall; catchy, deceptively technical, ever honest songs to be sung with a smile on your face and simultaneous tears in your eyes.

Wildlife La Dispute

[2011]

One of the reasons this list took so long to compose is that I knew it would involve La Dispute. Another reason, somewhat related is that I knew I’d have to try and put my emotional connection to their work into words. I know heaps of words, but none for how unique an experience they offer. There’s truly nothing like them.

I’m aware that there are two main problems with my saying that. First, ninety percent of their fans became fans because of Tumblr so how much of a force for good can they possibly be. The other problem is the like-or-loathe quality of Jordan Dreyer’s vocal delivery. I can understand swinging either way on this, but objectively speaking he DOES sound like Will Ferrell crying in a phone box. That being said, they belong on this list because, objectively speaking, Jordan Dreyer is one of the most talented writers alive today. I mean that with no hint of exaggeration or hyperbole. He is not just a lyricist songwriter, nor a poet nor a storyteller. He is all of these things, and the band’s music reflects this depth of thought as justly as deserved. The album that made me fall in love was the gorgeous Somewhere at the Bottom of the River Between Vega and Altair, an anguished fairy-tale of broken hearts and love lost. The album that I’m choosing to talk about instead is 2011’s Wildlife, where the band took the relationship between narrative storytelling and emotive composition entirely stratospheric, while Dreyer flexed his muscles further with lyrics that are ponderous and measured, shockingly confronting and vivid throughout.

A tangle of loosely connected and disparate stories framed loosely by the narration of a writer coming to terms with the voices in his nightmares, Wildlife flits back and forth between revelations of unfulfilled life to scenes of horrific grief and sadness, all the while extracting an emotional thread that links them all together under a shared experience of life’s myriad cruelties and how people endure them. An old man is attacked and wounded by his mentally ill son, too afraid to recognise his own father. A teacher tells her class about a boy struggling and eventually succumbing to cancer. The fleeing perpetrator of a drive-by shooting holes up on the run and wonders if suicide is his only hope at redemption. These are specific, characterised sufferings explored with such a clarity of emotion that it’s hard to put into these sentences.

Not a word of a lie, I still to this day cannot listen to ‘King Park’ without my body involuntarily going into a mild panic attack. Between the pain in Dreyer’s voice and the perfect pacing of the instrumentation, it’s one of the most emotionally tense and heart wrenching pieces of music in existence. A warning; if you haven’t heard it, try it I guess. But just be prepared not to be able to make direct eye contact with people for a bit. If you for some reason would rather not feel like your heart has been kicked in the teeth, I recommend tracks like ‘The Most Beautiful Bitter Fruit’, which perfectly demonstrates the energetic, measured grooves and seizing delivery La Dispute’s reputation is built on. ‘Harder Harmonies’ or ‘Edit Your Hometown’ similarly display the post-hardcore roots tinged with a more post-emo sensibility, all the while with Dreyer’s incredible imagery.

If you ask me in person to tell you every amazing thing that La Dispute have ever done, you may as well move in with me because the conversation is going to take a while. I’m fully aware of how many insufferable hipster bands with tambourines and weeping singers they’ve spawned. But La Dispute is an emotional experience. Their music teaches you about yourself by making you recognise it in other people. Jordan Dreyer will be able to say in one sentence what I could not unpack the weight of in a thousand. As a work of art Wildlife is honest, emotional, horrifically confronting and relentlessly hopeful.

I cannot promise that it will make you feel happy, but it will make you feel.

It will force you to feel.

Wrongdoers Norma Jean

[2013]

If you’re an old fan, Norma Jean are an old band who changed up the metalcore scene with their first album and then could only sustain life by regular human sacrifice, leading to a constantly shifting roster of members. If you’re a new fan, Norma Jean are a band of what I like to call “tone demons”, with the guitars that sound like Satan sighing in frustration and the singer with the crazy powerful voice. They’ve been influencers on the sound pushing metalcore in more chaotic directions while maintaining balanced clean vocals and soaring melodies, gradually becoming darker and darker until their bass strings rattle your back teeth.

As a result, their albums are regularly met with high praise, nectar for audiophiles and noise junkies. But I think that their best album was released in 2013, and it was called Wrongdoers and it was just the best thing ever.

Just listen to the first track. ‘Hiveminds’ is a doomy, funky boneshaking stomp replete with bluesy riffs delivered with a crunching tone. The chaos is still there on some faster songs demonstrating the grunt behind Brandon’s voice and exactly how far they can bend their strings. It’s pretty far. The title track is another bouncy mid paced jam, soaring and brooding all at once like the sludgiest grunge band to ever write a breakdown. The album closer ‘Sun Dies, Blood Moon’ is one of the most spectacular final flourishes in heavy music, emotionally rich and aurally assaulting, building in tension with orchestral restraint and gentility before the albums slams closed like the actual gates of actual Hell. The tone of this album is the perfect blend of Norma Jean’s melody and staggering heaviness, and while their two more recent albums have been met with pretty unanimous acclaim I think that this is their finest work. However you grade the band’s back catalogue, this is what I choose as Norma Jean’s most effective strike at achieving a mood.

This is one moody assed album. The riffs are at their most head-nod-inducing, the tone is less unstably thick and bellowing but more groovy and hazy.

When people said the Blues was music that came from the Devil, these riffs are what they were most afraid of.

Dead Air Aminals

[2014]

One reason I jumped at this list was the opportunity to shout out the amazing albums that nobody has heard of. I jump at any opportunity to ram this album into people’s ears, because it’s a masterpiece buried so deep in bigger names that it’s gone largely unappreciated since it came out. I first discovered Aminals [coincidentally my favourite band name ever] once they’d broken up in 2010. I then sat on their back catalog of sporadic EP’s until 2014, when they suddenly announced they’d been back together and writing an album and it was coming out in two days. Dead Air, the album they released is a beautiful ball of chaotic evil. If The Joker had a hardcore band, this would be it.

The band occupies the perfect Venn diagram of Every Time I Die and The Dillinger Escape Plan, with technical, almost grindcore blastbeats and breakdowns tempered with an unhinged punk rock feeling to it. It’s insanely technical and unsettlingly dark, yet always tongue-in-cheek and strangely manic. It lends the composition a completely mathy chaos meaning the ebbs and flows of the album as a whole are a little thrilling. The vocals by Matthew Cugini are a high pitched wailing cry that marks a midpoint between anguished howls and maniacal laughter, keeping them magnetically chaotic and characterful across the board, always delivered with phenomenal energy. Every track is a bundle of anarchic energy, prime examples being ‘Rope’ and ‘Dirty Habits’. For a more blistering example of the album’s mathcore chops, ‘War Widows’ is a spectacular hailstorm of twangs and chugs and fury.

Another thing which absolutely must be mentioned about Dead Air is that the band recorded, mixed and mastered the entire thing themselves. A bunch of dudes in a Massachusetts bedroom brought this much sound out of their instruments and made it perfect. You’ve heard bands that produce their own stuff. I’m literally in one. They almost universally do not sound like this. This is genuinely one of the best sounding independent records I’ve heard in alternative music.

To anyone with a soft spot for the “chaotic punk rock by way of mathcore” thing, I say unto ye: if you like the flippant maniac music of Dillinger and The Number Twelve Looks Like You, if you’re getting into the new wave of sassy scene revival of SeeYouSpaceCowboy, if darker mathcore like Converge or Botch seems too serious and unsmiling for you, if you just want thirteen tracks of purely brooding anarchic essence, Dead Air is something to be treasured.

I mean, the band is called AMINALS.

How can I possibly be wrong on this.

From Parts Unknown Every Time I Die

[2014]

Every Time I Die are one of the best metalcore bands in the world. There, I said it. All their albums are fun, raucous, stomping moshing messes and they deserve the devoted fanbase they boast. Keith Buckley is one of the best vocalists in the game, with a banshee scream and a gravelly growl and some of the best lyrics in music. Some of Keith Buckley’s songs read like sonnets. All of Every Time I Die’s songs sound like barfights.

If you want the best representation, their latest album Low Teens will take you through the band’s repertoire. It’s a phenomenal piece of work, always weird and fun and beautiful. It’s probably their objectively best album, walking the tightrope between chaotic hardcore and mainstream rock with flawless execution. The album I want to talk about instead is my favourite of theirs, the darkest and most snarling of the catalogue: 2014’s From Parts Unknown.

Recorded with Kurt Ballou of Converge, this album is Every Time I Die at their most ferocious. Case in point, the first line of the album is “blow your fucking brains out”. The album runs at a relentless pace, with the groove and catchiness of a well-established ETID signature with the crushing heaviness and tone that Ballou brings out of every band he records. While Keith Buckley reached the peak of his lyrical mastery with Low Teens two years later, From Parts Unknown still sees him ducking and dodging through extended metaphors and wild, profound reflections with a joking slurring cadence and a smile you can hear. Every twang and chug and slide of every riff is brimming with roguish charm, over the top of drums blasted with incredible speed and the signature filthy rumbling drone thanks to Ballou, producer of bands like Code Orange, Trap Them and Nails. The unyielding energy of From Parts Unknown is perfectly demonstrated mid album with the track ‘If There is Room to Move, Things Move’. While the entire album is consistently dark and manically paced, this in particular sticks out as an especially frenzied moment leaping from breakneck pace to punishing breakdown with no moment to catch a breath. All the while Buckley lyrically muses on the nature of purpose, how we create meaning ourselves and the only way to live a meaningless life is to spend it pursuing some unreachable drive instead of creating your own. “Love it as it is, whatever the fuck this is. Or destroy and start again. All we are is in your head”.

From Parts Unknown may not be Every Time I Die’s most commercial work. However the pure aggression and frenzy of delivery makes it my favourite of theirs. It may not have the variation or equal lyrical prowess of Low Teens, but that is far from saying it disappoints in either area.

For pure fun ferocity, From Parts Unknown is a food fight with a grizzly bear.

Time In Place Artifex Pereo

[2014]

All the albums on this list are close to my heart. But if one has to be my favourite, it’s this one. I’m not going to be able to say everything I want to about it, but this is the album I will take into the bunker as the bombs drop. It’s the one I’ll take with me on the escape shuttles leaving Earth when the atmosphere turns to nothing. It is as close to perfect as I could ask a record to be. If I compare the talent on display, how popular they deserve to be because of it and how popular they actually are, Artifex Pereo square up as one of the most underrated bands on the planet. If you listen to one album off this list, Time In Place should be it.

Written in the vein of post-hardcore-alt-rock established by bands like Circa Survive and Envy On The Coast, Time In Place is a staggeringly rich, luscious and vibrant piece of art from start to finish. No one in this band is lagging behind. Every instrument is constantly building the melody with deceptively intricate contributions until the entire song feels like a living thing. This album is an artwork, arranged in movements, rises and falls and clashes and clamours. For the synesthetics among you this album is a kaleidoscope of summer and autumn leaves in the breeze. It’s beams of light breaking through a forest canopy. There’s a magical gentility to every note, even the heavy ones.

A special word has to be said about singer Lucas Worley, who displays one of the most deeply textured and impressive voices I have ever heard. The amount of control and range delivered with such a consistent emotion is staggering, paired with lyrics that read coherently and movingly to make clear, concise points with the emotive hit like a gently weeping freight train. Just listen to the opening track, ‘No Stranger to Worry’. If you’re not sold on Time In Place by about halfway then this band might not be for you. But you should stick with it anyway and listen to the whole song, then the whole album that follows, because you’re wrong. And you’ll finish the album and think “damn, Jai was right, that was incredible. I should apologise to him for questioning. And to Artifex Pereo for my dumb, dumb opinion.”

There’s a bunch of albums on this list that you should listen to, but listen to this one first. Time In Place is genuinely the best album of the last decade.

It changed me as a person.

It’s a warm blanket of music. Snuggle it.

Taxonomy Oranges

[2015]

Another gap on this list I should address for anyone who knows me is the distinct lack of Dance Gavin Dance. I kinda force my public appreciation for them on those around me, as terrifying a sentence as that is. They’re not on the list because picking an album of theirs as “best” would be provoking a horde of emos who have no inhibitions when it comes to cutting things. So I’m opting for the most singularly stunning gem of the Swancore movement, Las Vegas post-hardcore nutjobs Oranges.

This band is post-hardcore written like jazz. It’s entire movements of never repeating parts and winding, weaving melodies that carry on and on and never rest. This band does not write choruses or verses, they write rainstorms of notes and blizzards of chords. Their only album Taxonomy was in my ears for a full month before I definitively decided I actually liked it. It’s Dance Gavin Dance and Emarosa and crossed with the upbeat carefree math of Chon. The vocal melodies are so long and unpredictable they’re near impossible to follow, but learning them carries such a sense of satisfaction to sing along with like a genuine accomplishment. Vocalist Parker Hunt’s voice is insanely flexible, calling to mind the question of exactly how one would go about writing vocal melodies this intense and varied. Instrumentally the band strikes a balance between an early Chon with a more post-hardcore attitude to chugs and screaming. It’s impossible to pick a single song to recommend because they’re all just so damn full of stuff.

Make no mistake; this is not an easy album to listen to. It chops and changes and starts and stops and every time you hear a bit you like it’s over just as it registers. You have to pay attention to it, ride the weird wave with all the bumps and it’ll take you somewhere incredible. Every flittering melody is a joy that comes and goes almost immediately and begs another listen, never hinting at where the song is going. This kind of teasing continues right up until the literal last second of the album. Trust me, the final five seconds of Taxonomy is absolutely flawless.

The month I spent trying to decide whether I even liked this band was well invested. Oranges have produced one of the most interesting, diverse and well executed albums in the entire umbrella of post-hard-metal-emo-whatever-you-want-to-core-it. If you’re a sucker for vocal gymnastics and jazzy mathy instrumentation your mind will melt.

Remember the name. Oranges.

Awful Fruit Burst flavour, incredible band.

Malibu Anderson .Paak

[2016]

It’s time to plug that hip hop gap on the list. Whatever you think about the current state of the genre and its last decade, it’s undeniably changed a whole bunch. Naturally, picking one example to represent the whole genre is impossible, so I’m going to opt for one gem of many. Anderson .Paak is exploding in popularity over the past few years, following a few albums and in my opinion the best of all Tiny Desk Concerts. The reason I think Malibu belongs on a list like this is because it represents my favourite of the many shifts hip hop has taken in recent years, the slight resurgence of funk arrangements, soul vocals, blues instrumentation, the stuff that never really went away but hasn’t had a championing album that better invokes that musical spirit. Listen to it when you’re literally sitting on the dock of the bay watching the tide roll away. It just makes sense.

Paak demonstrates an incredible versatility throughout. He delivers raps with a laconic smiling tone that compliments how clever and cutting his words are, never aggressive but phenomenally confident. A rapper’s voice is their most unique selling point, and Paak’s is so magnetically swaggering you can’t help but let every hit land. He compliments this with an equally impressive singing voice, tone emulating Marvin Gaye and Parliament Funkadelic to create the most ideal blending of hip hop and R&B in years. The genres have always mixed well but Malibu feels like the bullseye previous attempts were aiming for. ‘Come Down’ wouldn’t be out of place on a Kanye West album. ‘Am I Wrong’ is a disco floor filler. ‘Room In Here’ is undeniable top tier baby-making-music. ‘Put Me Thru’ sounds like it’s straight off Marvin Gaye’s What’s Going On. It’s an incredibly diverse platter sampling the best of hip hop’s foundational influences and seamlessly integrating them with a specific West coast tone established in hip hop decades later. Possibly the best song Paak has ever written is ‘Heart Don’t Stand a Chance’, which really demonstrates his entire repertoire. He’s flexing, and he’s ripped. The rhymes are clever and delivered in flurries, the vocal melodies are soothing but mournful, instruments gently integrated to invoke a bluesy heartache and a charming smile.

Who’s the biggest gamechanger of hip hop’s last decade? Kendrick? Cole? Someone with “Lil” in their name? Its’ probably not Anderson Paak. He’s using tools made before he was born, not to change things up but to demonstrate how things should be done. If I have to pick a gem of the genre then this remains that gem.

It’s a true hazy sunset of an album, every song is bright orange and pale pink and deep red.

Tide’s rolling away. Wasting time.

COUNTERPARTS – YOU’RE NOT YOU ANYMORE

[2017]

I’m not sure how common the knowledge is that I’m in a band called Take Hold and the first thing people know about us is that we want to sound like Counterparts. If you weren’t aware, I am, and we do. I’ve been a fan of this band since their first of six albums and the direction in which they’ve steered the melodic hardcore genre is a direction I love. The album they released this year, Nothing Left to Love was highly praised, but I’m opting for the most distilled essential Counterparts album. In 2017 the band released my favourite of their efforts, You’re Not You Anymore.

Despite the title reminding me of that Snickers You’re Not You When You’re Hungry ad, this album is peak zero time wasted Counterparts bread-and-butter, arranged and delivered with a mastery honed over the four previous releases. As much as I love this band they struggle to keep my attention for entire albums, and usually have a few songs which feel a little filler-ish. Then they released this and my mind was changed. Every track [bar the emo ambient thirty second intro] is the recognisable signature sound Counterparts have stamped and sold for years, but far more consistently balanced.

The reason I put this album on the list is because Counterparts are one of my favourite bands and if someone wants to know what they sound like, I show them this. If someone you know needs to hear this band, you show them ‘No Servant of Mine’, ‘Rope’ and the title track. Between the three alone you have a perfect sampler of the type of band Counterparts have become over time. Those tracks in between are more examples of a solid thread of tone throughout the entire piece, with no song feeling out of place or oddly included. Brandon Murphy’s vocals have always been well delivered, and he’s arguably at his most impressive now. Not You is written at the peak of his lyrical prowess, finding an excellent balance between gorgeously rich metaphors without sacrificing a massively satisfying rhythm to his cadences. Basically the words are pretty and the timing is perfect. This is the sound which they continued on Nothing Left to Love earlier in 2019, but I choose Not You over it because of its high energy refusal to indulge. This is the essential Counterparts album, solidly representing all their other releases, resulting in a wonderfully unpredictable record made with familiar parts. The breakdowns are always satisfyingly rhythmic and leads sweepingly anthemic and brooding. The lyrics are among the most poetic on the subject of suicide I’ve read in many years.

This is Counterparts at the peak of their powers.

And that’s my ten. Please don’t be mad.

Listen to our decade wrapped over on Spotify!

Written by Jai Aronsen / Take Hold

[more decade round ups here]

#jai aronsen #top 10 #favourites #top 10 of the decade #top 10 albums of the decade #the chariot #into it over it #la dispute #norma jean #aminals #every time i die #oranges #anderson paak #counterparts #top 10s of 2010s #artifex perep

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