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adifferenttime · 3 years

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Andrew Ryan vs. Robert House

On almost every House post I make, someone in the notes will reliably reference Andrew Ryan. I totally get it - they look similar, they're based on the same guy, the parallels are so clear that the NV dev team added an achievement for killing House with a golf club - but I think these commonalities tend to engulf both characters, blotting out some of their more interesting ideological/personal differences. It's useful to examine them in relation to one another, but part of that is figuring out what distinguishes them, which is just what I’ve attempted to do.

It's difficult for me to talk about Randian objectivism because I don't think it's sound enough to address on its own terms, but considering this is the philosophy Andrew Ryan has adopted, I kind of have to. What I’d identify as the core premise of Randian ethics is this: altruism is a moral wrong. Some Randians have argued that isn't really what they believe - that the real point is anything resembling altruism is self-interest in disguise - but they're departing from the beliefs of their icon when they make those claims. Per Rand:

The irreducible primary of altruism, the basic absolute is self-sacrifice – which means self-immolation, self-abnegation, self-denial, self-destruction – which means the self as a standard of evil, the selfless as a standard of the good.

The way Rand defines altruism is by linking it to self-sacrifice, which she uses to differentiate it from kindness or benevolence. Aiding others at no cost to yourself is benevolent, but not altruistic, and therefore not evil. Sacrificing your happiness to help another human being is, from Rand's perspective, evil, as is any philosophy that prioritizes the other at the cost of the self. This whole idea has been broadly rejected by most scholars on account of it being really fucking stupid. What justifies the leap from "man is naturally selfish" to "selfishness is good"? If selfishness is moral, wouldn't the most moral behavior be to exploit others through whatever means necessary, favoring force over the market? Rand defines happiness as "using your mind’s fullest power," achievable only when you "do not consider the pleasure of others as the goal," but why is this the only definition? What if your only options are self-sacrificial in nature? How do you weigh them if neither sacrifice is linked to values, individual achievement, or "your mind's fullest power" at all? Rand didn't care because she was too busy trying to ethically justify cheating on her man with her best friend's husband, but nonetheless, this is the philosophy Andrew Ryan’s adopted. He claims that "Altruism is the root of all Wickedness," in what's almost a direct quote from Rand herself.

To that end, Ryan builds a system that doesn’t just accept selfishness but actively incentivizes it. Every other principle he expresses is subservient to the ideas that selfishness rules man, and that for Ryan to act on his own selfish impulses is the highest good in the world. His lesser political principles (individual liberties, negative rights, the creation of a stateless society) don’t matter to him as much as the central precept from which they stem: that selfishness is his moral imperative.

What is the greatest lie every created? What is the most vicious obscenity ever perpetrated on mankind? Slavery? The Holocaust? Dictatorship? No. It's the tool with which all that wickedness is built: altruism.

It doesn't come as a particular surprise to me when he starts imprisoning dissidents or executing rivals or banning theft (standard practice in most societies, but not what an egoist would pursue; if you can get away with taking it, you deserve to have it, or so the thinking goes). I’ve seen him described as a hypocrite, but I don’t think that’s necessarily true considering everything he does is in line with his opposition to altruism. He'll adhere to his other principles only if they don’t sabotage his pursuit of personal power. This is evident in the fact that he only adopts a negative perception of Fontaine when his own interests are threatened, but doesn’t give two shits what Fontaine might be doing to sow conflict and harm people before that point. A guy named Gregory asks Ryan to step in against Fontaine early on before Fontaine's fully established himself as a threat to Ryan's power, and Ryan's extremely blase about it.

Don't expect me to punish citizens for showing a little initiative. If you don't like what Fontaine is doing, well, I suggest you find a way to offer a better product.

Contrast this with how he reacts when Fontaine has risen as a genuine business rival. This is from the log titled "Fontaine Must Go."

Something must be done about Fontaine. While I was buying buildings and fish futures, he was cornering the market on genotypes and nucleotide sequences. Rapture is transforming before my eyes. The Great Chain is pulling away from me.

This double standard is the natural outgrowth of his prioritization of self-interest. If your most deeply-held belief is that you should never give up your interests for others, ancillary rules become flexible in times of personal crisis, and Bioshock makes the case that putting someone like that in charge of a city will leave you with a crumbling, monstrous ruin.

Superficially, House has some similarities. Ryan executes political rivals; House has you blow up a bunker of his ideological opponents. Ryan is the highest authority in Rapture; House is the absolute monarch of Vegas. Their goals and moral codes, though, are almost diametrically opposed. When you ask House why you’re expected to trust him when he’s openly admitting to installing himself as the despot of the New Vegas Strip, he says this:

I have no interest in abusing others... Nor have I any interest in being worshipped as some kind of machine-god messiah. I am impervious to such corrupting ambitions.

Most of his resources are devoted to large-scale, impersonal projects, aimed either at building the power of Vegas or securing his long term goal of “progress” as he sees it. He’s rejected selfishness as a moral good because House is very far from Randian objectivism. He's a Hobbesian monarch.

In that respect, he shares an outlook on human nature with Ryan that I deeply disagree with (that human beings are essentially selfish), but in terms of what that means for the structure of a utopian society, House takes a very different position. From his perspective, human nature breeds suffering, not industriousness, and the only way to stamp out conflict - and, in a post-nuclear age, ensure the continued survival of the human race - is through a strong sovereign. The purpose of a state as laid out in Leviathan aligns very, very closely with the one House expresses.

...the foresight of their own preservation, and of a more contented life thereby; that is to say, of getting themselves out from that miserable condition of war which is necessarily consequent, as hath been shown, to the natural passions of men...

The monarch's successes are reflected in his society and the well-being of humanity as a whole. To subvert his goals is to subvert society's goals, and to doom humanity to the war, death, and suffering that exist in a state of nature. When you destroy his Securitrons/kill him, he doesn't plead for himself or get offended on his own behalf. He accuses you of betraying not him, but mankind.

Single-handedly, you've brought mankind's best hopes of forward progress crashing down. No punishment would be too severe. Fool... to let... personalities... derail future... of mankind? ...Stupid! Slavery... the future of... mankind? What... have you... done?

An important corollary of this idea which again distinguishes House from Ryan appears in Leviathan’s description of the political/moral responsibility of a monarch to his subjects:

...that great Leviathan, or rather, to speak more reverently, of that mortal god to which we owe, under the immortal God, our peace and defence. For by this authority... he hath the use of so much power that, by terror thereof, he is enabled to form the wills of them all, to peace at home, and mutual aid against their enemies abroad.

Hobbes and House give the monarch virtually unlimited power but match it to the monarch's duty, which he lives to fulfill. His obligation is to speak for the people, act for them, and protect them from all threats, internal and external. House generally abides by this, orienting his decisions around his goals for society irrespective of the personal cost (the negative consequences of his actions are a product of his fucked evaluations of what’s best for society, not personal greed). It’s not just a departure from Ryan’s philosophy but a complete refutation of it. He's almost died for what he's misidentified as the greatest good.

Given that I had to make do with buggy software, the outcome could have been worse. I nearly died as it was…. I spent the next few decades in a veritable coma.

This is not the behavior of an egoist. This is the behavior of an extremely arrogant but marginally altruistic (from a Randian perspective lmao) guy. This is some distorted “from each according to his ability” shit if you’ve managed to convince yourself your abilities exceed those of everyone else who has ever lived and that you can get the Mandate of Heaven by being really good at statistics.

The reason these guys develop such similar structures and hierarchies despite the ideological gulfs between them is because both of them are elitists who’ve experienced a massive failure of self-consciousness. They’re unable to conceive of other people as being fundamentally like them. Ryan separates people into the clearly-delineated classes of “producer” and “parasite,” ignoring the fact that everything he’s ever “produced” was reliant on a huge, coordinated effort between workers, architects, accountants, middlemen, and others, all of whom, in conjunction, contributed more to the realization of his dreams that he ever could have alone. Rather than realizing his own position is more parasitic and reliant on other people’s labor than that of anyone else in Rapture, he adheres to his doctrine of selfishness even when it’s not reflective of reality and is ruining the the lives of an entire city of people. He deludes himself into believing he’s a superman among ants instead of one flawed man who is reliant on the goodwill of others to help him survive, as are we all.

House, too, thinks he’s exceptional. Unlike Ryan, he acknowledges the necessity of the worker to a functioning society, but while he’ll accept his reliance on that labor, he doesn’t trust the laborer enough to share political power. House knows he’s invested in humanity’s survival and the creation of a better world, but he refuses to consider that he might not be alone in this goal. He chalks up the existence of the Legion to fanaticism/the ambitions of a sultanistic dictator and attributes everything the NCR has done to greed, without it ever occurring to him that the massive harm these nations have done was partially motivated by the same goals he’s devoted himself to - and that the atrocities he’s committed since his rise to power are, in some respects, very similar. House knows himself to be invested in the well-being of humanity, but he’s too arrogant to ask himself if his methods are wrong or trust other people to build a new path, one that doesn’t necessitate his complete control over the land and people of the Mojave. Ryan and House’s worldviews are distinct, and their flaws, as highlighted by their respective narratives, say some interesting things about how each set of devs view power and the pitfalls of elitism.

Anyway. If you put these two men in a room, they would probably try to murder each other, and I think that’s great.

#Robert House #Andrew Ryan #fallout meta #bioshock meta #fnv #bioshock #fallout new vegas

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rphelperblog · 2 years

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Divergent Rp meme

“We believe in ordinary acts of bravery, in the courage that drives one person to stand up for another.”

“Becoming fearless isn't the point. That's impossible. It's learning how to control your fear, and how to be free from it.”

“I have a theory that selflessness and bravery aren't all that different.”

“Fear doesn't shut you down; it wakes you up”

“Sometimes crying or laughing are the only options left, and laughing feels better right now.”

“A brave man acknowledges the strength of others.”

“I am selfish. I am brave.”

“Politeness is deception in pretty packaging.”

“Then I realize what it is. It's him. Something about him makes me feel like I am about to fall. Or turn to liquid. Or burst into flames.”

“It must require bravery to be honest all the time.”

“Who cares about pretty? I'm going for noticeable.”

“...there is power in self-sacrifice.”

“People tend to overestimate my character,”

“Human reason can excuse any evil; that is why it's so important that we don't rely on it.”

“lies require commitment.” “Two things you should know about me; The first is that I am deeply suspicious of people in general. It is my nature to expect the worst of them. And the second is that I am unexpectedly good with computers.”

“He told me once to be brave, and though I have stood still while knives spun toward my face and jumped off a roof, I never thought I would need bravery in the small moments of my life. I do.”

“Maybe there's more we all could have done, but we just have to let the guilt remind us to do better next time.”

“A chasm reminds us that there is a fine line between bravery and idiocy.”

“We kiss again and this time, it feels familiar. I know exactly how we fit together, his arm around my waist, my hands on his chest, the pressure of his lips on mine. We have each other memorized.”

"But what would we say? 'I didn't know you that well, but I'm sorry you got stabbed in the eye'?”

“You know I'm getting a little tired of waiting for you to catch on.”

“It isn’t right to wish pain on other people just because they hurt me first.”

“Part of me wonders if this is a suicide mission disguised as a game.”

“He acts so tough that he’s probably afraid of marshmallows

and really bright sunrises or something.”

“I have your back. I didn't mean only when it's easy. All the time.”

“And I'm the kind of person who does not let inconsequential things like boys and near death experiences stop her.”

“But I will find new habits, new thoughts, new rules. I will become something else.”

“We believe in bravery. We believe in taking action. We believe in freedom from fear and in acquiring the skills to force the bad out of our world so that the good can prosper and thrive. If you also believe in those things, we welcome you.”

“I like to think I'm helping them by hating them. I'm reminding them that they aren't God's gift to humankind.”

“human reasons can excuse any evil.”

“If you are really one of us, it won't matter to you that you might fail. And if it does, you are a coward.”

“You are holding a loaded gun, you idiot. Act like it.”

“Hearing him talk about his mother, about his intact family, makes my chest hurt for a second, like someone pierced it with a needle.”

“I hear my heartbeat. I have been looking at him too long, but then, he has been looking back, and I feel like we are both trying to say something the other can't hear, though I could be imagining it. Too long - and now even longer, my heart even louder, his tranquil eyes swallowing me whole.”

“I wish I could say I felt guilty for what I did.

I don't.”

“It isn't just brave that she died for me; it is brave that she did it without announcing it, without hesitation, and without appearing to consider another option.”

“It was him or me. I chose me. But I feel dead too.”

“Half of bravery is perspective.”

“There is power in controlling something that can do so much damage - in controlling something, period.”

“I want to be brave, and selfless, and smart, and kind, and honest.”

“It's easy to be brave when they're not my fears.”

But maybe what I saw as fearless was actually fear under control.”

“Sarcasm is always at someone's expense.”

“My father says that those who want power and get it live in terror of losing it. That's why we have to give power to those who do not want it.”

“One choice can transform you.”

“What do I believe? I do not know; I do not know; I do not know.”

“Humans can't tolerate emptiness for long.”

“Valuing knowledge above all else results in a lust for power, and that leads men into dark and empty places.”

“Sometimes it isn't fighting that's brave, its facing the death you know is coming.”

“That is death - shifting from "is" to "was.”

What good is a prepared body if you have a scattered mind?”

“Those who seek peace above all else, they say, will always deceive to keep the water calm.”

“My problem might be that even if I did go home, I wouldn’t belong there, among people who give without thinking and care without trying.”

“I ignore my fear. When I make decisions, I pretend it doesn't exist.”

"I like how you look. You're deadly smart. You're brave.”

“To me there's a difference between not being afraid and acting in spite of fear, as he does.”

“I would rather be dead than empty”

“I want to break something, or hit something, but I am afraid to move, so I start crying instead.”

“The cruelty of fate is that I must travel with the people I hate when the people I love are dead behind me.”

“the first time is always the hardest.”

“I traded cowardice for cruelty; I traded weakness for ferocity.”

“If you don't like something, change it. You are not a tree.”

“I note how calm she looks and how focused she is. She is well-practiced in the art of losing herself. I can't say the same of myself.”

"Stay away from him or I'll decide I no longer care.”

“why is your heart racing?”

“That’s my girl. Tough as cotton balls.”

“What irritates me most about him is his natural goodness, his inborn selflessness.”

“Well, I already know what happened to my face”

“Sometimes I just... want to see it again. Want to see you awake.”

“I am fed up. I am fed up with tears and weakness.”

“I get up, because I’m supposed to, but if it were up to me, I’d stay in my seat for the rest of time.”

“Maybe I was afraid to trust him with something so personal as my devotion.”

“One choice can transform you—or it can destroy you. But every choice has consequences”

“Any idiot can stand in front of a target. It doesn't prove anything except that you're bullying him. Which, as I recall, is a sign of cowardice.”

“All three combined is...a different kind of stupid formerly unheard of by humankind.”

“I feel myself acting like a lunatic, but I can't stop. It would be like refusing to breathe.”

“There's a difference between not being afraid and acting in spite of fear.”

“Don't try to define me”

“We should think of our family. But. We must also think of ourselves.”

“I will be my undoing

If I become my obsession.”

“What makes you different, makes you dangerous.”

“though he does not touch me, he steadies me.”

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dukeofonions · 4 years

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Deceit’s Somewhat Acceptance Arc (And Why It Feels Off)

So I was gonna do the video game post first, but then I remembered I’d started this one before I left for the weekend and decided to finish it. As a result, it’s kinda messy and my thoughts are all over the place, I had to delete and rewrite is several times, but I think I managed to get my overall thoughts there.

As always, this is just my opinion. You are free to agree, disagree, or feel completely indifferent towards a random person who spends their free time dissecting fictional characters.

We all good? Let’s go then.

I won’t lie, Deceit was the best part of this video. I didn’t think he’d be included as much as he was. Originally, I thought he’d be content to lurk in the shadows and let Thomas deal with the repercussions of not heeding him in the first place and leave him to sort through the mess himself without his help. Possibly having a cameo in the end, foreshadowing some major event that’s soon to take place, but I was completely wrong and he got the best freaking entrance and completely owned the episode.

It was great, seeing him take on his role of self preservation and defend Thomas, who was being harmed unknowingly by Patton with how far he was taking things. He encouraged Thomas to start taking better care of his mental health, was given a seat at the table, and even showed they could trust him by revealing his name: Janus

It was wonderful, beautiful, and I have a lot of issues with this.

Let me explain, on its own, the whole scene building up to Deceit revealing his name, and the following aftermath, is perfect.

What feels off to me is Janus himself, he feels like a completely different character compared to the Deceit we met in Can Lying Be Good? and saw in action during Selfishness vs Selflessness

To start, let’s briefly go over Deceit’s character throughout the first 5 episodes we see him in before we get to POF.

In his debut, Can Lying Be Good? He spends a majority of the episode disguised as Patton. Pushing Thomas to lie to his friend in order to spare their feelings and to avoid the possibility of Thomas being hurt. He’s shown to enjoy the distress the others are going through as the situation becomes more and more uncomfortable, and even gets close to being aggressive when Thomas decides he needs to be honest in this situation. Once it becomes clear Thomas won’t listen to him as Patton, he drops his act and reveals himself.

Immediately, we are given the impression that this is not someone we can trust. From the music, to Deceit’s entire demeanor, even the Sides’ reactions to him are enough to enforce that idea, as well as Deceit’s reactions to them.

With Logan, he immediately silences him, growling almost as if he’s annoyed and has had to do this before. He doesn’t really pay Logan any mind after his reveal and ignores him for the most part and Logan is more than eager to expose him for what he is.

Roman states that he “Hates this guy and his creepy snake face” while adding that he’s “Very kind” which Deceit responds to by giving him a false compliment. Showing right away that this has also happened before with these two (Logan is about to comment on the exchange but decides not to bother)

Virgil clearly has some deep rooted animosity towards Deceit. With the glare he shoots him and the two immediately throw insults at each other which comes back to play in almost all of their interactions.

We don’t really get much in terms of what Deceit’s character is really like with this first episode. We know he can be a threatening presence, but also has a bit of a goofier, dorky side to him as well. At this point, we’re not sure what his goals are or what his relationships with the other Sides are like (It’s obvious they all don’t like him) but for a while, this was all we got.

His next appearance was a brief cameo in Logic vs Passoin where he showed up after Logan exclaimed “I won’t have you lying to yourself!” Where he gave an evil chuckle, flipped Thomas off, then sank out without a word. This still didn’t give us much in regards to Deceit’s character, other than enforcing the fact that he didn’t like Thomas and showing that he had a bit of a mischievous side as well. It did, however, show that Thomas was easily distressed by him and wasn’t entirely on board with having Deceit for a Side yet.

After that, he disappears for 2 episodes before showing up during the end card of Embarrassing Phases, which is one of my favorite scenes in the series, and one that now causes a bit of problems which I will get back to later. Just note that this scene once again reinforces these things about Deceit: He is a threat, he can’t be trusted, he still has a bit of a goofy side, and on top of that his rivalry with Virgil is expanded upon and the idea that these two have a history is put up front and center.

Then finally, we get our first official episode that takes all we’ve learned about Deceit and amplifies them in Selfishness vs Selflessness. What we get is a character that can be cool and charismatic, but can also be silly. It’s still unclear what his overall goal is, and he delights in being proved right and winning against the others.

An interesting thing to note here is that all of the interactions Deceit has with the other Sides in CLBG Come back into play here.

He ignores Logan and keeps his input limited, he uses flattery on Roman to sway him to his side, and of course him and Virgil still have their rivalry, revealing more and more just how much Virgil hates Deceit. We also finally get to see his relationship with Patton, and see that he seems to hold almost the same amount of animosity towards Deceit as Virgil does. Thomas himself isn’t as frightened by him anymore, and is willing to hear him out, but he still doesn’t trust him.

Throughout the “trial” Deceit openly mocks the others, discredits them, and when he “wins” he rubs that victory in Thomas’ face and is shown laughing and celebrating while the others are at the lowest they’ve been. Things then take a turn when Roman decides to sentence Thomas to go to the wedding and give up the callback, which clearly distresses Deceit to the point where he nearly has a breakdown due to the others not being able to comprehend what he’s trying to say. Which is basically, selfishness isn’t always a bad thing, which he articulates a lot better in POF, but we’ll get back to that.

He leaves the episode shortly after Logan shows up, but not before delivering this rather ominous line: “It’s clear you all don’t want to listen to reason (while the embodiment of Thomas’ logic and reasoning is standing right next to him) but hear this: I’ll always be a part of you. I’m not going anywhere, and there are smarter ways to get people to do what you want anyway.”

Does that sound like a threat to anyone else? Or is it just me? Keep in mind at this point, everyone is still very much against Deceit, and he clearly is about to change tactics when it comes to dealing with them and getting what he wants. Another important thing to note is that this is the last time Thomas sees and deals with Deceit directly before we get to POF.

I should probably bring up Dealing With Intrusive Thoughts because while Deceit isn’t in the episode, he is mentioned a couple of times by Remus, who implies that it was Deceit himself who’s responsible for sending Remus out to antagonize the others. While this can’t be confirmed, Remus claims that Deceit said “You’re wanting to be more honest and be direct dealing with your issues, no longer will you deceive yourself about the ugliness within you.”

(Admit it, you all sang that and added the little “Neat!” at the end. If you don’t, I’ll know you’re lying.)

This shows that Deceit is switching things up and making good on his “promise” that he made at the end of SVS by forcing Thomas to accept yet another part of him that he doesn’t like. One that, by comparison, is much worse than anything Deceit could bring to the table.

His next actual appearance is another cameo in Are There Healthy Distractions? where all he does is take his hat back from Roman and berates him for it. The only significant thing to happen here is Virgil’s reaction to seeing him, which again, I’ll get back to in a moment.

This was the last time we saw Deceit for awhile, we were then subjected to a long drought between episodes as people waited to see the aftermath of the wedding that was the main conflict of SVS. Keep in mind again that so far, Deceit has remained relatively the same mysterious, slightly villainous character that we’ve seen throughout his 5 appearances thus far in the series.

So you can see why some people would be shocked when he suddenly does a complete 180 and is going about promoting mental health while acting silly around Thomas and befriending Patton, the Side he went head to head with during his last main appearance, and is now being offered a seat at the table while showing genuine concern for Thomas and aiming to protect him, which goes to show that he cared all along.

Right?

Uh, yeah, I’m not buying it.

Well let me clarify, do I think Janus is evil? No. Is it impossible for him to actually care about Thomas? Of course not.

And do I think it’s possible for him to change from his villainous persona to a more friendly one? Absolutely.

The problem here is that it doesn’t feel earned. We’ve only had one full episode with Janus before this, and even in the brief appearances we got his character remained consistent throughout them all. It’s almost like there’s a piece of this puzzle missing, and I have a theory as to where it is.

In short, Janus has not been fully accepted yet. Thomas trusts him, and even Patton does now, but does Roman? Don’t make me laugh.

Logan? He was once again removed from the discussion by Janus, which is a running theme with these two, so I doubt he’d be quick to accept someone who continuously silences him unless it benefits him.

And the biggest factor of them all, Virgil.

He hates Janus, every interaction these two have had is filled with insults, glares, and Virgil becoming more aggressive than he’s ever been towards anyone in the series.

Just look at him in ATHD, when Janus shows up hardly anyone pays him any mind. Heck, Remus has continuously popped up throughout the episode and no one has batted an eye, not even Virgil. But as soon as Janus shows up he goes feral, hissing at him while Janus pays him no mind.

What is going on here?

It’s glaringly obvious that something has happened between these two, something that won’t be easily swept under the rug when it comes up.

For one thing, just compare Virgil’s relationship with Janus to his relationship with Remus. We see at the beginning of DWIT that, of course, Virgil is hostile towards Remus and hates him, while being distressed by him. The two know each other and seem to have a bit of a history of their own.

What’s the difference between Remus and Janus?

Well, Virgil gets over his fear of Remus in just one episode. By the time it ends, he isn’t bothered by Remus anymore and tells him as such. Remus even seems to be kind of fond of him as well. And when Remus appears again in ATHD, Virgil doesn’t acknowledge his presence at all. Yet when Janus shows up just to retrieve his hat from Roman, he goes into fight mode and probably would have attacked if he’d stayed for even a minute longer.

And if you need further proof, look no further than the end card of Embarrassing Phases and Janus’ parting words to Virgil: “Just be sure to keep up that personal growth Virgil. Who knows? Maybe soon you could be rid of us all.”

Again, does that not sound like a threat to anyone else? And why would he say that to Virgil? Is he implying that Virgil is trying to escape from them? Actually get rid of them? There’s so much that this could mean in regards to Janus’ character and what his motivations are, but then POF comes around and suddenly this doesn’t line up with his character at all.

Don’t tell me you could look at Janus at the end of this episode and say that this is the same guy. He’s gone from leaving an episode with a threat: “You’ve seen the last of me” “You could be rid of us all” “There are smarter ways to get people to do what you want anyway”

To this: “Take some time for yourself, Thomas.”

As well as rejoicing in being told he was right and advising Thomas to stop overthinking everything since, as we’ve now seen, it does not help him in the slightest.

So… What are we missing? What the heck is going on?

Well, I said it before and I’ll say it again: Janus hasn’t been fully accepted yet.

Really, only one Side out of the four main Sides has accepted Janus. This Side just happens to be Patton, Thomas’ morality, and the one thing that stood in the way of Janus getting his voice heard. Because as long as Thomas viewed lying as wrong, he’d never listen to him.

Now that he’s proven that isn’t the case, and that he can help, Patton (and therefore Thomas) no longer sees him as evil.

But again, Roman, Logan, and Virgil have yet to do so. We know how Roman and Virgil feel about Janus, but we have yet to get Logan’s clear view on him since every time Janus has shown up, he’s been left out of the conversation. Though it’s safe to assume he’d be somewhat bitter about that.

The main thing is that something has been set up between Virgil and Janus. Something happened to make them enemies and that can’t be ignored, and I believe this will be addressed soon.

Because if it isn’t, and Janus is accepted immediately by Virgil, then all this would just be explained through bad writing. Which, again, I don’t believe the team is incompetent by any means. However, I do think that this all happened way too fast.

Let’s look at Virgil for a moment, we got plenty of time to know him throughout season one. We got to see him in more of a villain role, and saw him gradually become closer with the group. We saw hints of him wanting to get along with the others and be a part of them, but ultimately, decided for himself that he was doing more harm than good and so, ducked out.

We had 12 episodes to get to know Virgil before Accepting Anxiety came out. 12 episodes as opposed to Janus’ 5, two of which were nothing more than brief cameos and one his introduction where he was only truly himself for the ending.

Really, Janus only had 3 episodes where it was relevant to the plot, and only 1 of those was a full episode, which was immediately followed by him being accepted and acting more like a good guy who just has a bit of a chaotic streak in him as opposed to the mysterious, charismatic Side who works in the background.

Now, the way I see, there are two ways to justify this sudden change. The first is what I said before, that Janus hasn’t been fully accepted yet and needs to be accepted by Roman, Virgil, and Logan first before this can be achieved.

And the other thing, which I hate to consider as a possibility, would be that Janus is putting on an act.

Think about it, Janus realized at the end of SVS that his methods were not working. So he changes his approach, ditching the villain and becoming a hero. He literally appears at the end during a boss battle and puts himself into the role of a protector, defending Thomas from Patton’s harmful behavior. He acts more silly, loosening up, showing genuine care for Thomas.

Then the biggest red flag, his name reveal.

As I watched the scene I couldn’t help but find it oddly reminiscent of Virgil’s own name reveal. From the build up, to the delivery, it all felt strangely familiar, almost as if it’d been rehearsed. Manufactured to get the exact reaction from the others (in this case Thomas and Patton) that he wanted.

Virgil revealing his name was a sign that he trusted the others, and I believe Janus knew this and thus, used it to his advantage.

And guess what? It worked like a charm. Thomas and Patton immediately began trusting him, Patton even went to him for advice after Roman left. Could you see Patton doing that at the end of SVS? I certainly couldn’t.

Now I’m not saying this is actually what happened. For all I know, Janus was being completely sincere when he shared his name, and it really was a personal moment. The only reason I have such a hard time accepting it as genuine is because, as I keep saying, none of it matches up with how Janus was before POF.

Until this point, his character has been consistent and stayed pretty much the same, but now he’s completely changed. And I know it’s normal for characters to grow and change as a story progresses, but again, it just happened way too fast for this character in particular.

This isn��t helped by the fandom’s complete 180 in regards to Janus. Before this episode, it was still pretty common for him to be seen in a mostly negative light. People outright hated this character, and attacked people who liked him. Then Remus came and wasn’t shown nearly as much hate or negativity as Janus was. Now all of a sudden Janus is a “Good uwu boi” and everyone loves him. I haven’t seen one person doubt Janus’ change of heart. Which is surprising because given the fandom’s treatment of him in the past, I’m surprised this hasn’t been more common.

But then I remembered that another Side is currently being thrown into a negative light, which is Roman. He’s been thrown under the bus after his recent actions at the end of POF, all while Janus is now being held up on a golden pedestal.

Honestly, I’m debating ending this post right here because this next part delves way too much into conspiracy territory, but since this would be kind of an awkward ending I’ll go ahead and just throw the idea out there anyway.

So, it’s been established that the Sides are aware that what they’re doing is being viewed by an audience. Roman, Logan, and Patton have all addressed the audience directly before. Virgil has given direct glances into the camera, and of course Thomas greets the audience in every episode and closes each one out with a message at the end of every one.

In Crofters: The Musical Roman outright addresses the fact that Logan has become more popular than him. Implying that somehow, he has access to that information. So if Roman does, then why wouldn’t Janus?

Why wouldn’t Janus be aware of Roman’s insecurities? Why wouldn’t he use this to his advantage and spend the entirety of SVS boosting his ego since he knew that’s what he wanted?

What if Janus, being aware of the audience and how they view the Sides, knew that all he needed for his plan to succeed was not only to convince Thomas that he could be trusted, but the audience. He knows that they don’t like him, so what does he do? He puts himself into a much more positive light, while Roman is put into a position where he’s made out to be the bad guy?

And if this was the case, then it worked. A majority of the fandom now loves Janus while Roman is being left behind. He’s the perfect scapegoat, a distraction from the real plans Janus has in store.

But that idea is so far out there and paints Janus as more of an actual villain when really, I don’t think he is at all.

What’s most likely is that we’re going to learn what happened between him and Virgil, and then watch as Thomas and the others rethink their decision to trust him.

I don’t think Janus is evil, this series is constantly pushing the message that everything isn’t all black and white. Janus, like everyone else, just wants what’s best for Thomas but has a different way of achieving that goal.

My hope is that the writers are aware of this and have a plan for Janus’ character to develop more. Because if that isn’t the case and Janus remains a “good guy” from here on out then all of Janus’ previous appearances would be rendered meaningless.

He’d might as well be a completely different character at that point, because the Deceit that I (and many others) became invested in and loved since his first appearance would be gone. Replaced with a softer, less complex, less engaging “uwu soft boi” that now seems to be the fandom favorite.

Which makes me curious, if Janus is revealed to be lying to some degree, and was tricking Patton and Thomas, would everyone go back to hating him again? Would they give him a chance to explain himself and grow, or would they go right back to seeing him as nothing more than the evil villain they believed they were introduced to back in CLBG

Okay, that’s pretty much all I’ve got on this topic. It’s kinda messy by my standards and I’m sure I repeated myself a lot. So you are more than welcome to critique my points and debate them with your own. Just to clarify, I still love Janus. And I stand by the fact that he was the best part of this new episode. I just hope that this isn’t all the development he gets and that he continues to have his ups and downs.

And come on, how could they possibly pass up the opportunity to do the “Liar revealed” trope with the literal embodiment of Deceit?

#sanders sides #janus sanders #virgil sanders #patton sanders #roman sanders #remus sanders #fandom criticism

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megashadowdragon · 3 years

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why ben solo deserved better

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comments on youtube:

You may think Ben Solo did not deserve mercy, but let's all remember this is a FICTIONAL universe and fictional characters. It's ok to indulge in wishful thinking, even if Ben would not be received with welcome arms on Earth even after his redemption. Dealing with a complicated character like that and trying to find a way to give him a future in the story is hard, I will admit. It's hard to know where someone's role in society is after they've betrayed and murdered since our answer usually ends in their execution or incarceration. But imagine an ending where Ben Solo is willing to answer for his crimes, Rey contends for him, and the future of the galaxy has hope. What we were given was NOT hope. Ben Solo simply deserved a better ending than he was given. He wasn't a soulless monster like Palpatine. He had remorse. He hesitated. His anger was fueled by his mistreatment and feelings of abandonment from his family. Comment below and tell me why/why not Ben Solo deserved a better ending. Even if you don't agree, do you think his abrupt death was satisfying?

I agree with a lot of your points. He 100% should have survived and it doesn't make any sense to me that they killed him off. Ben should have been given a chance to live and atone, he could've spent the rest of his life being a better man, despite other people scorning him at first. Ben and Rey are so powerful - they are stronger together and could've helped so many people in the galaxy. Surely there would still be pockets of the First Order out there - or whole planets of innocent people still enslaved that need their help. ( I have to point out that it was never clarified how many people knew kylo ren was ben solo and its quite likely that only a small group knew ben was kylo ren so you wouldnt even need to consider the galaxy at wholes reaction for they could just claim kylo ren was dead while ben solo was still alive (people didnt know anakin was vader for years ) and poe in resistance reborn talked about ex imperials atoning for their actions so poe and the people who knew ben was kylo ren would be willing to accept ben coming back and atoning for his actions . no prison or exile he would ahve a happy ending with rey on naboo the place where anakin and padme would have raised luke and leia anidala being torn apart was the original sin ) ( I am sick and tired of redemption equals death it sends the message that if you mess up and go down the wrong path the only out is death that the most you can expect is finding a cause to die for its bs the notion that he had to die is bs

“the redemption = death bs doesnt give hope to anyone its like if you mess up you cant just make up for it

ben deserved better because in the 30 years he lived he wanst truly happy and calm until his last 20 seconds of his life”

Western story writers and directors are too set on the idea of redemption of villains through death, it's an unhealthy all too common message I don't agree with, Vader's sacrifice meant something because he saved his son, but what about Leia? What does her sacrifice mean? Why is the final shot just a lone Rey in the desert with a robot? I'll never understand these decisions, it just doesn't work.

The whole Rey replaces Ben in the Skywalker line is just disgusting. Ben was "bad" so he didn't deserve the name but Rey is perfectly "good" so she does? Kids, if you ever do anything bad watch out because your family will find a good kid, replace you, and act like you never existed. Love Disney for that message.

. There’s a clear reverse Anakin/Padme thing going on for me as is. I just think they could have gone for that full reversal, where Ben lives instead of dies like Anakin essentially did when he became Vader. And then I’m always reminded of how little Ani wanted to “free the slaves” ... and while he didn’t have to take that literal route, atonement, or working to break broken systems, would have been a wonderful close to that part of the story as well. I thought it would be nice to tie his and Finn’s stories together a little in that regard.

I don't think they ever understood what they had story wise or character wise. I don't think they ever knew what message these movies were supposed to have. TROS kept making strange story decisions without thinking through their implications. With regard to Ben Solo, they give us two fake deaths after multiple characters sacrificed themselves for him, then kill him off for real. That's the kind nonsense you find in the D-grade movies mocked on MST3K, not a Star Wars film. Worse yet, they offer the audience no catharsis for Ben's death. It happens suddenly; Rey had already given her "life force" to both the giant snake and Kylo/Ben and she's fine. So the audience doesn't expect Ben to die when he gives his "life force" to her. Then after his sudden death, he's not mourned. Rey barely reacts. He's not mentioned and his sacrifice is never discussed. Then we don't even see his Force ghost. The air got sucked out of the movie and it just ends with a thud. It's like if Titanic had ended with Rose saying, "Oh well, I guess I'll just marry Cal" and it's "The End."

Ben Solo definitely deserved better & I truly thought we would get a happily ever after, a reversal of Anakin & Padme’s fate. I also thought the stormtroopers would side with the Resistance & that the reason Leia’s allies didn’t respond at the end of TLJ was because most were disguised as stormtroopers & mingled among the First Order. 🤡 I think the Skywalker saga has ended but the Solo saga will continue. 🤞🏻 The majority of fans LOVE Kylo/Ben and that’s a fact. The general audience loved & rooted for him without ever knowing his heartbreaking backstory & that he had been targeted by Palpatine from conception. Let’s hope Disney/Lf has an ace up their sleeve.

I actually thought Ben was going to live because JJ kept marketing the film as being happy, uplifting, hopeful, and Ben's arc being "fun." In 2015 he called Star Wars a "fairytale." I had been waiting for Ben to reunite with his mother since 2015 & since 2017 to end up with Rey. Neither really happens because Ben dies, thus turning Star Wars into a tragedy that pretends it's not. We didn't even get a mother/som forceghost visual reunion as a "consolation prize". I was so sure we'd get an actual living redemption arc because I thought forgiveness and the healing of the family was their intention , but nope, just a complete annihilation of the Skywalker family. I left IX feeling depressed for all of Christmas break. ...And don't even get me started on the retcon of TLJ's Rey Nobody background setup and theme.Show less

You have to ask yourself this when thinking of Ben and Anakin. If Anakin fell to the dark side because he had an unhealthy selfish love for Padme but Ben rose from the dark side because he had a healthy selfless love for Rey. What message does it send to have both characters have the same fate when it comes to being with the women they love? (Split apart) What's the point of the saga if nothing anyone does means anything? JJ and Chris failed to ask themselves these important questions.

the theme of the original trilogy was love, hope, family, forgiveness, redemption

lucas described the star wars as a space fairy tale soap opera about love, family , hope forgiveness, redemption the skywalker saga is a family saga about the skywalker family killing off ben breaks that for it ends the saga in tragedy where every last skywalker has died the line has ended palpatine won bens abusers won

george lucas quote about story being a family-oriented fairytale of hope, love and redemption (not to mention he hates killing anyone unnecessarily bens death wasnt necessary and goes against star wars themes

George Lucas: *talks for forty years about fairy tales and HEAs and not wanting to kill characters

( this is why lucas didnt kill any of the main cast be they the trio or otherwise and chewbacc killing off ( killing off ben goes against that ( ben was a mc he was part of the narrative trio ( no matter how many antis try to claim otherwise and claim it was rey finn and poe when no ) or act like bendemption wasnt set up from day one. ( ben, rey, and finn were all main characters

on the comparison between benVader died as a middle-aged man in ill health with two living children who would carry on in the light after a golden period in his life where he was a prosperous jedi knight, Ben died a healthy 30-year-old with no family or good phase in his life, plus Vader's sacrifice was instrumental in his redemption while Ben's sacrifice happened after redemption out of narrative contrivance, they are not the same

@emeraldspiral

@a-manda-lorian

@frumfrumfroo

#ben solo deserved to live #ben deserved better #save ben solo #anti tros #star wars #ben solo #ben solo deserved better

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conaionaru · 4 years

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Honor and Blood (Ivar the Boneless)

Brother and Sister

Synopsis: Silas and Vanya talk on her name day. The pregnancy is coming to an end soon.

Warnings: Silas, Toxic family, sibling rivalry, mentions of murder, angst, fluff

Tags:

@queenbeeta @heavenly1927 @xbellaxcarolinax @shannygoatgruff @lol-haha-joke @youbloodymadgenius @didiintheblog

P.S. Anything in cursive is Old Norse. Anything in bold and cursive is a memory.

I don’t own the gifs. Also, thank you for your support. I really appreciate it. If you want to be tagged please write me<3

f there was one thing Vanya hated, then it's definitely seeing Silas walking around looking down at everyone. Or maybe it's just Silas himself; after all, he isn't exactly the most likable person. Stithulf is probably the only one who truly cares for Vanya's cruel brother and not for his title. The blond knight seemed to her like a good influence on her brother. He cared about the people and Silas's survival, which no one else bothered to do up until now. She just hopes that his concern is sincere and not a front he put on to win her trust.

"I was never happier that I didn't have a sister. Just imagining him as our brother in law makes me sick." Sigurd commented, sitting next to her on his bench, tuning his oud as she stitched a pattern on Ubbe's new shirt.

Vanya shrugged at his choice of words and looked down at her stitching. She was so absorbed into her thoughts and watching Silas that she butchered a part of her work. The ginger cursed under her breath and tried fixing it. Her husband's older brother snickered at her adorable rage, but shut up when she glared at him.

"You do have a sister now. And she doesn't like you talking about her brother that way." She snapped angrily as Sigurd raised an eyebrow at her tone.

"Please don't tell me you like him. I get that he is your family, but Silas doesn't seem like a good brother. When was he ever nice to you?" Sigurd asked, thinking back to his own brother. He and Ivar were brothers, but if someone were to treat him the way Silas treats Vanya, he would kill them. Only Sigurd gets to insult Ivar and get away with it. Afterall they are brothers; it would get boring if everybody were nice to each other.

Vanya saw Stithulf leave her brother's side and walk over to the other knights, both Silas and the knight seemed annoyed and sour. "When were you ever nice to Ivar?"

"When he was a babe. Things were easier when he couldn't talk."

"You mean when neither of you talked." Vanya pointed out, walking over to her brother's side, gathering all her courage to talk to him. "Are you alright?"

Silas glared down at his redheaded sibling and walked away from her. He stomped his way past two of his knights who looked at him, terrified. "Get out of my way, you lowlife filth!" He spat at them as they made a path for him.

"I am sorry, I am sure you bathe regularly. Have a nice day!" Vanya apologized in her brother's stead as she heard Sigurd run after her, cursing her sudden getaway.

"Stop following me!" Silas spat at her, turning on his heal. His nostrils flared in rage; the king looked like a bull ready to charge. "What do you want, Vanya?"

"I want to talk. Like civilized people would."

"Do you take me for uncivilized, you worthless bitch?"

She definitely didn't miss these types of conversations with him. Why does she even try? "I don't want to fight. I want to talk to you privately, without it seeming like you will kill me."

Silas huffed at her comment and mentioned for the shore. She sat down on the pier to rest her legs while he stood over her, glaring at the water instead of her. "Talk, or I will leave."

"What did you argue with Stithulf about?" She tried not to sound demanding and timid to soothe his anger a little bit. It would be easier if he were less murderous.

Silas sighed and gave her a letter from his pocket. It held the royal seal of Slegia, which could only mean that their mother sent it. Vanya opened it and read over the writing in astonishment. "Dear King Silas, I wish to inform you that I got married again while you were away. Me and Lord Ceolmund will continue living in the castle. Have a safe journey, and greet Vanya for me. Greetings, Queen Mother Siflæd." It was short and to the point, and an obvious dismissal of Silas's authority as she married without his consent or knowledge.

"She did it to spite me. I forbid her to bring any more lovers to the castle, so she married the one that would anger me the most." He seethed, tearing the letter out of her hands and ripping it into pieces that he threw into the sea. "I want to raise my armies and cut off his head!"

"Maybe she did it out of love. Or she is with child. Whatever the reason, he is our new father now. Murdering him isn't a wise choice." Vanya reasoned, trying to remember if she ever met this Lord Ceolmund.

Silas shook his head and slammed his hand against the post he leaned on. Vanya jumped at the sudden outburst. "Oh, he is as much of father to us as Siflæd was a mother. Ceolmund is rich and young, a perfect victim to her charms. The moment he returns to his senses, she will drop him, pregnant or not."

"If you know that, then why fight with Stithulf? Why plan a murder if the outcome is obvious?" Vanya pressed, trying to decipher her brother's thinking process.

The King spat on the ground in disgust and looked at her stomach. "Because this poses a problem for my marriage."

"Your marriage? You will take a wife?" Vanya questioned, failing to imagine Silas as a husband. He always seemed like the type that wouldn't marry even if his life depended on it.

He leaned into her face and smirked. "I am supposed to marry Lady Eoforhild. She will give me an heir and connect Slegia with Ecbert. Considering that she is his brother's granddaughter, he will support us against threats to keep her safe. But Mother destroyed the plan the moment she married that halfwit."

"How does that destroy your plan? You can still marry her."

"Ceolmund is Eoforhild's father, you dumb cow. The deal was to marry her, as it is the honorable thing to do after I took her maidenhead, leaving her no longer a virgin and unfit to marry anyone. She seduced me at a dance on my name day, that bought dishonor on their family name, so Ecbert offered me her hand in exchange for his armies. They keep their reputation and get some form of power over Slegia, while I get allies and heirs. And that option is now out of question when Mother went behind my back and married my betrothed's father!"

"And now the church won't allow you to marry her anymore." The ginger sighed in defeat, seeing the reason behind his anger. Their mother destroyed a chance of protection and the poor girl's life.

Silas rolled his eyes at that and looked back at Sigurd, who stood behind them, glaring at Silas as if he will beat him with his oud soon. "Mother did it to gain back some sense of control. She has been throwing tantrums since you left; she is humiliating herself and the whole kingdom. She always hated being in the background; that's why she acts out like a child. Just like when Father was alive. That's the truth of it all."

Vanya knew what he was talking about, when Osmond was still alive Siflæd paraded her lovers around to spite him and his lovers. Their relationship was anything but love; they hated each other and fought daily behind closed doors. After his funeral, the vicious cycle was over, and she could do as she pleased. That is till Silas got fed up with her behavior and forbid her to take any more lovers. And now she married his future father in law.

"The truth is always either terrible or boring. Why can't there be a middle ground? Like she married him out of love and not spite."

"She doesn't know love, not to me or anyone else. She is a dark pit of hate and selfishness. Siflæd never held her tongue about me being a monster, but we both know she is no better. The only difference is that I have no problem showing it." He sneered in his rage, stomping off to either brood or plan murder. Whatever it was, Vanya understood his feelings. A perfect opportunity thrown out of the window because Siflæd got something to prove.

"Well, that was eventful," Sigurd commented, helping Vanya up. The ginger flinched in pain, causing the Ragnarsson to panic. "Is it the babe? Is it coming? Please say no, you can't give birth here!"

Vanya rolled her eyes at his hysterics and wrapped her arm around his. "Just a kick. The child is stronger than one would think." Sigurd sighed and helped her walk back to the Great hall to collect her stitching.

"A gift, Princess. A pretty rose for a pretty girl." A woman stopped them, giving the Saxon a flower before walking away.

"Well, that was strange," Vanya muttered, cradling the gift in her hand, smelling the sweet aroma.

Sigurd snorted and pointed at the rose. "Maybe it's an offering. Hvitserk heard some people say you are Freyja or Frigg in disguise."

The pregnant girl gawked at him in shock. How could the people even think of her as a goddess? What about her seemed divine and godlike? "I am not a goddess, Sigurd! I am human, just like the rest of you. I'm not special, who am I to think I am special?."

"Pretty, smart, kind, selfless, lots of patience considering your husband. You are right, nothing special at all. I guess we are all just naive." The sarcasm was strong with that one, and it made her smile. It was nice to be seen, but she would prefer a little less worship. She wasn't a god or anything near Freyja and Frigg. Vanya is and always was a plain mortal born into money. There are thousands of them all over Midgard. "And you should get used to getting gifts. It is your name day today. You are seventeen now, Little bird."

Vanya chuckled and smiled at the passing people. A year ago, she wasn't pregnant, married, or living in Kattegat. Things change so fast it's almost scary. Everything she went through in the last year feels like it happened a decade ago. "Oh I will still complain about getting gifts, I will just limit for Ivar's ear before we go to bed.

"Well, I hope you won't complain about my gift. I think you will like it."

"No promises, Brother." She teased as he snorted, shaking his head.

#ivar the boneless #ivar lothbrok #ivar ragnarsson #ivar x oc #ivar imagine #vikings imagine #vikings #history vikings #original character #original female character

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galvanizedfriend · 4 years

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Klaroline Fic Rec - Day 3

Klaroline Fic Rec Event 2020 - Day 3: Angst Title: The Amazing Klarolijah Series (a name I totally made up) | Part I Elijah | Part 2 Caroline | Part 3 Klaus Author: @itsnotacrimetoloveyou Summary: A three part master piece in tiny drabbles about a one-sided love triangle between Klaus, Caroline and Elijah. Warnings: You might fall in love with Elijah, just saying. Status: Complete (unfortunately)

Why you should read it:

LISTEN. I am going to talk for a bit, so bear with me!

Anyone who follows me here knows about my CRUSADE to find good Klarolijah triangle fics. I'm kind of obsessed with the dynamic of that trio. But recently I came to realize that it’s not just anything involving those three that will pander to my (apparently very sensitive) tastes. And these three drabbles are EXACTLY my number.

I feel like I have a duty to honor these. First, because it's a rare occurrence. And second, because I know first hand, and probably better than anyone, just how much @itsnotacrimetoloveyou DISLIKES writing about this. Over the course of hearing me ramble nonstop about Elijah's many qualities, she has become allergic to him in any context where he gets near Caroline. So the fact she put her talent into writing these, and came up with three MASTER PIECES is not to be underestimated.

All three of them are so very short, but they pack SO much into them. They are three different sides of the same situation, three completely different POVs, and yet, when combined, they are so very telling about the greater context of this story. It's beautiful how they come together to paint a bigger picture. It's a mark of fantastic writing and world crafting, and when you think this is something she isn't even particularly comfortable writing, it just makes it all the more impressive. Luiza has a true talent for great drabbles, but I think she really knocked it off the park with these three (am I biased? maybe. am I sorry? not at all)

On Elijah's POV, we see how desperately torn her is by his feelings. He knows he's going to break his family apart by pursuing it, and so he, as always, relinquishes it completely in favor of his brother, ever the selfless martyr that he is. And yet - and this is where the beauty of this great character building lives, even in such a short story - Elijah is not at all at peace with his own choice. He's bitter and longing and pining desperately for something he knows he cannot have. He can't help it, just as he can't help the guilt. Of course he would be drawn to her. When you think about it, it makes perfect sense. And yet Caroline is completely taken with his brother. There's such intense suffering behind his feelings for Caroline that I just - UGH! IT GETS ME RIGHT IN THE FEELS!

Elijah is a Mikaelson through and through, even though he disguises his monster with flashy suits and a veneer of politeness. He’s every bit as ruthless, selfish and damaged as the rest of his family, but he is also a caretaker. He takes responsibility over his family. And this tiny little piece showcases both sides of his personality so well.

He hadn’t seen it coming. These… These feelings. But after the late night talks after she had fought with Niklaus. After getting to know her… He understood what Niklaus saw in her. Couldn’t help but see it himself.

Bright and beautiful and capable of lightning the darkest moments, the darkest hearts.

From Caroline's POV, we draw the sorrow. The whole situation makes her terribly uncomfortable. She doesn't want to be the thing that stands between Klaus and Elijah, and she hates that she cannot be herself around him, afraid that he might jump to conclusions. Caroline is a very physical creature - she hugs, she kisses, she touches. That's how she shows her appreciation. And yet, despite the fact she truly likes Elijah, she cannot let herself go for a single second, not wanting to stir feelings that will cause everybody pain.

It’s so poignant, the way Caroline understands that if she were to reciprocate Elijah’s feelings, her life would likely much easier, because Klaus is complicated and full of thorns. I love that he’s not suddenly depicted as a puppy, but as someone who’s dangerous and high maintenance. And yet, Caroline also realizes that he’s the only one who loves her for who she truly is, who sees her true colors. While Elijah loves an idea. Which goes PERFECTLY with the construction of Elijah’s character on the previous drabble, and all the reasons he’d have to be drawn to her.

It would go away, she knew. They had eternity, after all. And she was quite certain Elijah was more in love with the idea of her than actually in love with her.

A lot of people had done that in her life, after all. He wasn’t the first to create an image of her and then try to force her into it. It never lasted, this wouldn’t either.

Lastly, from Klaus' POV, we get all the rage. It's not as angsty as the other two POVs, but much more gritty and violent. Klaus is possessive, he is jealous, he is dominating - the alpha male, as Caroline so cleverly put it. He loves his brother, but he is not willing to give even an inch when it comes to Caroline. His temper adds a whole new shade to the complex triangle. He is so greedy in love he wants it all, and when he sees the way Caroline acts around Elijah, immediately he thinks she's tailoring her affections for him so she won't upset Elijah. The mere touch between the two is enough to set him off. And so he translates all that into demonstrations - such as being particularly inventive with the sex just to make sure Elijah will hear them. lol Poor Elijah.

Perhaps it was hypocritical of him to call out such selfishness, but he was certain Elijah could be accused of the same crime. All these talks of uniting their family only for him to betray him in the lowest of ways.

Klaus couldn’t quench the anger he felt. Couldn’t stop this fire burning in his chest.

She was his. She had always been his.

All the nuance and the drama and the angst of this triangle, packed in tiny little pills of amazing writing (I wouldn't mind if they were longer! 😂), tie in seamlessly. It’s a beauty.

Everyone who aims to understand why I keep babbling about Carolijah and Klarolijah should read this! I dare you not to feel for my beautiful boi Elijah! 💔

Thank you SO much for writing these! 💝 And for the countless hours you spend indulging my need to ramble nonstop about those three! 😂

___________________________________

Other amazing pieces of angsty writing you should read, from past recs of mine:

Heartless by @hybridtunnelvision

Set Down Your Glass, by imperfectandchaotic

Holy Water Cannot Help You Now by @eenababysmom

#KCFicRecEvent #klaroline fic rec #klaroline fanfiction #klaroline fic #klaroline event #Carolijah #itsnotacrimetoloveyou

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because-i-was-one-of-them · 5 years

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So I rewatched Dealing w/ Intrusive Thoughts recently and just wanted to share some of my observations (both old and new):

- Selfishness v. Selflessness came out March 31 and mentions that the callback and the wedding are on April 13. In this video, Virgil mentions that Thomas is “committed to skipping a big callback,” implying that the callback hasn’t happened yet. Therefore, in-universe this video likely takes place no more than a few days after SvS. No wonder everyone’s so on edge.

- At the beginning of the video, Roman seems to be unaware that Remus was around last night - where was Roman? I’m just imagining him sleeping peacefully in his room while Remus is running around the mindscape with a knife and Virgil and Patton are freaking out while Logan keeps yelling at everyone to calm down.

- “I’m going to prohibit your breathing if you keep this up!” jesus christ virgil

- This is the third time that Virgil’s “tempest tongue” (when his voice gets all deep/distorted) has showed up, previously shown in Accepting Anxiety pt. 2 and Moving On pt. 1 and 2. I wonder if it will become important later on, seeing as he was able to use it to make Thomas listen to him in Moving On and it is somewhat similar to Deceit and Remus’s abilities (which also involve silencing/talking over other sides.)

- “You’re wanting to be more honest and be direct dealing with your issues? No longer will you deceive yourself about the ugliness within you.” I always thought of this as not something Deceit said to Remus, but a message Deceit wanted Remus to pass along to Thomas and the other sides. Of course, this just brings up more questions about what exactly Deceit wants.

- I love the little details on Remus’s outfit. The high, wide collar, the low neckline, the teeth at the end of the buckles, the eye thing on the shoulder, the ridiculous amount of lace and poofs and sparkles. Just... everything.

Virgil (to Logan): “Then why are you lying?”

- Virgil seems to have a hard time his own friends at this point. Not good.

Virgil: “Yeah, he can act like a good person, just like Deceit can act like [Patton].”

- Looks like Virgil’s still a bit upset over the events of Can Lying Be Good? Can’t blame him. Probably about halfway through the episode Virgil realizes someone he trusts is actually Deceit in disguise and he can’t even tell the others until Deceit reveals himself. I can imagine he’d be a bit paranoid for a while after that. Still, what if Deceit impersonated Patton since then?

Logan: “You all are not listening to Thomas. What he’s saying is worth noting.”

Virgil: “But what if he’s lying?” [voice cracks]

- Once again, Virgil’s still worked up over Deceit’s actions in the last video, so much that he feels like he can’t trust Thomas.

- All the sides seem to be familiar with the Duke - however, Virgil and Patton don’t understand what exactly he is, as they look rather confused during Logan’s explanation of Remus being “bad creativity” and why he exists. How did the other sides interpret Original Creativity’s split into Roman and Remus?

- I forgot how hard Virgil is on Thomas in this video. He says that “there’s definitely something wrong with him,” that he’s “not the naturally good person [Patton] wishes he was,” that he “had twisted thoughts that a stable person would never have.” It hurts my heart... Like I’m glad everything (sort of) worked out in the end, but some very tense moments here.

- I love Logan’s little grin after he’s fixed his teeth. And Patton’s soft “Wow...”

- “I can’t think of how one would fake not doing something, other than by doing something and hiding that they’re doing it.” “OOH! How fun! You know who could help us with that?” [Deceit’s theme plays] what the absolute fuck

- No, seriously, what would have happened if Deceit had actually shown up?

- Patton “That’s what repression is?” Sanders, we need to have a talk. Find you some coping mechanisms that aren’t denial or repression. But I’m glad he’s going to go easier on Thomas now, especially after his questionable actions in SvS. Still, it’s concerning that his attitude towards the ‘dark sides’ has generally been ‘this isn’t happening’ and refusing to admit that they are also part of Thomas’ personality, whether he likes it or not.

- I absolutely adore Logan in this video. He somehow manages to keep his cool amidst all the chaos, defending Thomas, trying to be gentle but firm in explaining Remus to Virgil and Patton, reassuring everyone, and just generally being really informative and amazing.

- Does Remus represent more than intrusive thoughts? Deceit shows in SvS that he also encompasses (some of) Thomas’ selfishness/self-interest - will Remus show a somewhat more helpful function in the future as well?

- “More than anything, I feel like I was struck by a... realization.” what did Roman realize why did you guys have to interrupt him “It shows you... everything you don’t wanna be.” oh Roman baby we need to have a talk “He’s gone now and he’s never coming back! Byeeeee!” roman NO come back

- Still love the last scene so much, with Virgil and Thomas... that soft “Virgil? You okay buddy?” and then Virgil looking so hesitant, so tired, admitting that he’s a little “disappointed in himself.” He feels so guilty about not being able to protect Thomas from Deceit and Remus, and that he’s actually made the issue with Remus worse. “I thought... I thought I knew how to handle them!” And he’s rubbing at his eyes, breathing hard, blinking rapidly as if he’s trying not to cry. And Thomas isn’t mad at him, he’s trying to reassure him.

- “Because I was one of them.” His voice is soft, almost guilty/disappointed in himself. And Thomas’s expression is... unreadable. He looks confused, mostly, and kind of stunned, maybe a bit hurt. He leans back away from Virgil, as if afraid, but it’s hard to tell. Virgil tries to smile, shrugs and raises an eyebrow, like “Well, now you know, Sorry,” and sinks out without a word. And when he’s gone Thomas still doesn’t say anything, he looks away and his eyes shift back and forth as if trying to make sense of it, before he notices the camera and takes a moment to compose himself before he does the usual post video dialogue. An absolutely powerful moment that makes me terrified for the next video.

#hope someone likes this? just wanted to record some stuff #this is a brand new blog don't hurt me #sanders sides #ts sides #dealing w/ intrusive thoughts #thomas sanders #sanders sides theory #sanders sides meta #my posts #my meta #long post #writing #deceit mention #remus mention

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frauleinjustice · 5 years

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Oumasai Week Prompt 2: AU

@oumasaiweek

For this, I just had to do one of my favorite saiouma AUs: phantom thief/detective! Like always, Shuichi pursues Kokichi in a chase to try retrieving the item he stole!!

Ahaha, but anyways, I hope that everyone who decides to read this will enjoy.

One of the wealthiest people in London, George Wellington, holds a dinner party at his mansion tonight. It was going to be a nice, relaxing party where people of equally high class would eat together and talk among themselves. Shuichi himself was invited by Wellington not only as a guest, but to also act as an undercover cop, so to speak. The reason being the day before the party; Wellington got a letter. It said not only will he be expecting a “surprise special guest”, but also that they are very interested in his most prized possession: a giant gold diamond ring. Wellington wanted to just brush it off as a stupid prank, but his paranoia ate at him too much to want to risk it, hence why he demanded the detective come to the party and make sure his ring will stay safe in the end. While Wellington’s...honestly greedy and uppity nature was not too appealing to Shuichi personally, he assured him things will be fine and his ring will be safe.

And at first, it really was going okay. Shuichi knows he was told to still just enjoy the party as to not worry the guests, but he still kept a careful, watchful eye. He knew the infamous phantom thief, Kokichi, was very likely the one behind the letter and was somewhere in this building in disguise.

Now at this point of the dinner party, Wellington gathered everyone’s attention so that he could essentially brag about his ring and why it’s so important to him. It was at that moment when… “!?” Confused and concerned yelps and murmurs would fill the room when there was a sudden blackout, making the room practically pitch black. Shuichi however, knew that it wasn’t a random blackout; and that insight would only be proven a minute later when the lights came back on and the shining, extremely expensive ring on Wellington’s finger...is now gone.

“AH?!” The man rises from his seat, looking at his now empty ring finger. “M-My ring!! It’s gone! Gone, gone, gone!!!” Gasps from shocked guests ring throughout the room. And before Shuichi could try telling him to calm down, in a frenzy of panic, Wellington yanks Shuichi out of his seat and grips his lapels, shaking the boy furiously. “Detective Saihara!! I don’t care if I even have to pay you £795,000: go find the pillock who made off with my ring THIS INSTANT!!!”

“Gyaaah, y-yes si-iiir!” Released out his hold, Shuichi first asks some of the guests in the dining room if they heard or saw anything suspicious during the blackout. One person that was seated closest to the door to the corridor said they heard the sound of footsteps quickly exiting the door. A nod, he knows Kokichi wouldn’t take the main exits as security was guarding the doors to the main entrance and doors leading to the back. The upper floors were not available to the public, so Shuichi quickly made his way upstairs. The corridors were quiet and all the doors were locked. He closely examines to see if any locks were broken into, any open windows, anything else that looked suspicious, etc. As he closely inspects another lock, he would hear mumbled into his ear:

“...Looking for something?”

“!!!” His neck instantly snaps to the side. It was of course Kokichi, finally making himself known. He purposely made sure Shuichi wouldn’t had spotted him, since he knew the other would’ve instantly recognized him. “...I knew you’d pop up any second. Kokichi…”

“Wow, what’s with that sour look? Aren’t you just happy to see me, Shuichi? Nishishi!” Kokichi takes a few steps back to keep some distance between them. Then from his pocket; he presents the successfully stolen ring. “Tada! Say, did you all like my little surprise? I was trying sooo hard not to laugh when everyone sounded so confused during the blackout. And then Mr. Wellington’s reaction once he saw his ring was gone!! I could hear it all the from upstairs! I nearly burst out laughing, I tell you!”

“Well Mr. Wellington certainly wasn’t laughing. I did find it odd how I didn’t spot you at all down there. Where were you even at…? And how did you cause that blackout?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know? Figure it out yourself, Mr. Great Detective!” Pocketing the ring back inside his pocket, he reaches an arm behind his back. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ll have to get going now, sooo…” Presenting a smoke bomb, he slams it down to the ground. “Come and catch me if you can!” And with that, the thief starts sprinting up the stairs.

“?!” Trying to swat some of the smoke out his vision, Shuichi runs right past it and heads in the direction Kokichi went. “Get back here! Kokichi…!!!” As he sprints down more hallways and more floors, Kokichi shoves down any end tables and vases he runs past to try tripping Shuichi up, with Shuichi dodging and leaping over any obstacle that was in his way. Several more floors would lead to the rooftop of the building.

“Keep up, Shuichiii!” He taunts with a snicker, making Shuichi huff. Because the building was a real big one, jumping down from the roof would not be possible. So; Kokichi slides down one of the drain pipes, Shuichi immediately following after. Quickly climbing up and leaping over the fence, Kokichi speeds down the street. Just as he expected, Shuichi was still not too far behind. This made the smile on his face increase even more. If there was one thing that made the detective so interesting to Kokichi: it was that even when he’s being chased by Shuichi like right now, he finds it exhilarating. He’s grown to see that Shuichi-no matter how long and far he chases him-will refuse to get off his tail until he corners him. He’s stubborn, he’s persistent. No matter what obstacles he throws in his way, it doesn’t deter Shuichi. That’s what made being chased by him so exciting.

Shuichi, in return, initially would never find having to chase down any criminal in general “fun.” He saw it solely as his job and that was that. Yet… overtime, the more he had to deal with Kokichi, and the more often he would chase him down…. He thought of himself crazy for it, but Shuichi in a way also found chasing Kokichi, specially: enjoyable, too. He jokes to himself maybe he’s getting too used to it by now, to find amusement in pursuing him.

The two now sprint down the London night streets, Shuichi bracing himself to take sudden sharp turns if Kokichi does so. The thief eventually does turn to enter a dark alley, quickly making his way up the emergency stairs. The rooftop of the current building he was on was close enough to the following buildings where a long jump could make him reach the roof of the next building. “Ah-!” A groan, Shuichi takes a moment to stop so he could back up and get a running start to leap across the rooftop and onto the next one.

A bit surprised he actually did that, Kokichi gives an amused chuckle. “Woooah! Shuichi must be really looking forward to that bonus in his paycheck, huh? Nishishi~!”

“B-Be quiet! I’m not...letting you get away..!” Shuichi utters between pants. He barely has stopped since he began chasing Kokichi, and along with jumping across the rooftops: he was becoming tired. Regardless, he wasn’t going to stop anytime soon until he had Kokichi cornered.

Eventually, Kokichi would come to the last rooftop he could jump on before he finally comes to a stop, as no other building was next to this one. This was definitely one of their longer chases, so even Kokichi was tuckered out a bit. “Hoo...man, Shuichi really didn’t let up tonight, huh! Is the stupid ring that important to you?”

“Hah...hah….” Shuichi needed a moment to catch his breath. His legs felt like lead, but he was glad he didn’t lose sight of him in the end. “It doesn’t...matter how much I care for it. It’s Mr. Wellington’s and I promised him I would make sure his ring would stay safe.” Just as he was about to inch closer…

“Ah tah tah!” Kokichi pulls out his pocket knife to keep a distance between them, making Shuichi have to stop. It was what he always did whenever Shuichi had him cornered like this, as it gave them both a minute to talk before he would escape into the night. “Good boy! But aww, how ‘thoughtful’ of you! No matter how selfish, arrogant, or full of themselves they may be… our good detective will do everything he can to solve the case. He’d probably even run head first into a spy organization and risk having his head blown off! There is such a thing as being too selfless, you knooow.”

“...Huh?” His words caught him off guard for a second. Even if masked in a mocking tone, there was a hint of genuine concern in Kokichi’s words. Initially, he could care less what kind of risky danger Shuichi may put himself into, especially if it had nothing to do with him. But that was until Shuichi just grew on him like that. When Kokichi first met him, he thought he was just another plain, boring detective that he wouldn’t think too much about later down the line. But the more he’s gotten to know Shuichi through their interactions and encounters; the more wrong he was proven. The detective is passive and reserved, yet firm and assertive when need be. He’s open-minded, does not let a black-and-white automatically categorize people as either just solely good or solely bad with no in-betweens, and most of all: very diligent with a big heart. Kokichi would never admit it to him, but he found all those traits admirable in Shuichi, and why he continues to grow more and more intrigued by him.

In Shuichi’s case: initially, he thought of Kokichi as an annoyance and was full set on just arresting him and after that: done with him for good. While he still of course will try to apprehend him: as Shuichi dealt with him more overtime, Kokichi also grew on him. He’s confusing, often can’t follow what he’s saying and can’t predict him. Though at the same time… he was passionate, very intelligent, and silly in almost an endearing kind of way. All those traits made Shuichi slowly warm up to him overtime: even grow to genuinely care about him a lot.

Shuichi’s perplexed expression made Kokichi chortle. “I’m not wrong, am I? Well, not like I care or anything.” He remarks with a disinterested seeming expression, though that of course was a lie. “Anywaaay!” He starts backing up. “I’d love to stay and chat, but I’ve got other things to do, so..!” The building was not that high, so making a leap down could guarantee a safe landing if he jumps right down.

“Ah, wait-!” Shuichi starts quickly approaching him. Kokichi thrusts his pocket knife forward to force Shuichi to back up. But that made him do a pretty clumsy mistake: not paying attention to how much he was backing up and tried doing a backwards leap at the wrong moment. So instead of just jumping right off… the back of his foot slams against the ledge, making him tumble backwards.

“Ah.”

“?!”

Because of that, and with nothing to grab onto to prevent him from falling: Kokichi was going to fall off and land right on his back. Shuichi was usually not one to act before thinking, but as soon as he saw Kokichi fall… “Kokichi...!” Shuichi lunges off the roof, wraps his arms around Kokichi and makes it so that when they fall: Shuichi’s body will break the fall for him.

Miraculously, however; below was an alley with several big trash bins open. So instead of Shuichi’s back hitting the ground, both would instead drop right into one of the open trash bins and ultimately, a pile of trash bags ‘cushioning’ their fall.

“...!!!” It was rare for Kokichi, but he was legitimately stunned silent. Not just from the fall itself, but the fact that Shuichi literally jumped in to try saving him. “Wh...What…?”

“Ow, ow… never thought I’d say this, but thank god I landed in the trash…” He mumbled to himself, groaning. He releases Kokichi out of his hold, only so that he could sit up and hop out. “Definitely will need to shower tonight, ugh…” He looks towards Kokichi, holding a hand out to help him out. “Are you okay..?”

“......” For a second, he doesn’t reply. He grabs Shuichi’s hand and lets him help him out. “...Shuichi saved me...I-I’m so touched. I might just...j-just…!” He looks like he’s tearing up… but then that expression instantly changes into a big smile. “Just kidding! But yeah, I’m alri-ow!”

Shuichi gives a karate chop to the top of his head, pouting. “Honestly! Don’t be so reckless like that! What if I wasn’t able to grab you or if the garbage cans weren’t below to cushion our fall, huh?” Shuichi chides with a point of the finger. He didn’t want to scold him like that, but it was only because he was so worried Kokichi could’ve gotten hurt worse. A sigh then leaves Shuichi, now saying in a softer tone: “I’m just...glad you’re okay.”

Kokichi’s lips are pursed, an unreadable expression on his face. Shuichi could have been the one who was hurt worse. Shuichi could have simply let him fall and use the opportunity to snatch the ring back and leave him. Shuichi… could have done literally anything else than do such a bold, risky move to protect him of all people. “Sh...Sheesh. Saving your arch nemesis, then scolding him because he could’ve hurt himself? What a big softie!” Yet even Kokichi couldn’t ignore the happiness bubbling up in him, shown by the big, bright smile he gives. He didn’t think Shuichi cared about him that much. It made him so happy… if not a little flustered, making his cheeks turn a light pink.

“...I guess I am one, huh?” Shuichi teases back with a light smile. “It’s not as if I hate you, you know? I don’t even dislike you. Besides, I’d rather not have to worry to death if you were in the hospital.”

“Pfft, whatever! But I guuesss I should thank you for saving me, huh?” Kokichi steps closer to Shuichi. He hesitates nervously at first, wondering if it’d really be okay to do this. But then he tells himself just go for it and, after yanking on Shuichi’s tie to make his head come closer down to his height, leans in to leave a soft peck to his cheek. “Thank you for saving me, my beloved Shumai~!”

“!!” Shuichi’s eyes widen a bit. It made him blush pretty badly, even making his heart race a little. “O-Oh...uh… N-No problem.” And gives a meek smile, chuckling.

Shuichi’s flustered expression looks so adorable to him. He didn’t seem to mind at all Kokichi kissed him, either. Maybe, he tells himself: he can get away with gestures like that more often. “Nishishi~ you look so embarrassed!” He teases, despite Kokichi blushing worse after he did that. “Anyways, go home and shower already, smelly. You stink!”

“Wah… G-Gee, I wonder whose fault that is! You don’t smell good either, you know!”

“Wow, ruuude! And here I was, thinking about giving you the ring back… but that’s a lie!” He takes out the ring, twirling it around on his finger. “If you want it, come get it!”

“Wha, hey-!” And once again, he was booking it after Kokichi, yelling out: “Don’t try to act like you’re cool again and end up falling off another roof!”

“Shut it!” And then the two start laughing afterwards. For them both, it was strange, really. Shuichi chasing him, Kokichi being chased… and they’re both throwing jabs at each other and laughing as if they were just two close friends messing around and having the time of their life. Well, not that either of them had complaints about that. It would make them grow closer...and fall harder for each other...overtime.

#oumasaiweek #Shuichi Saihara #Kokichi Ouma #saiouma #danganronpa #Kay's writings

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neuxue · 5 years

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Wheel of Time liveblogging: The Gathering Storm ch 39

VERIN!

Chapter 39: A Visit from Verin Sedai

Where were we? Oh yes.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

“You never held the Oath Rod,” Egwene accused her.

Odd that that’s the first conclusion she jumps to. Verin has the ageless face, after all; she must have sworn oaths of some sort. Then again, I suppose Egwene can be forgiven for being thrown a little by that reveal. And for not wanting to jump to the other conclusion that might immediately come to mind.

“I don’t trust you,” Egwene found herself blurting. I don’t think I ever have.” “Very wise,” Verin said, sipping her tea. It was not a scent Egwene recognised. “I am, after all, of the Black Ajah.”

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

She!

She just!

Did that!

Just came right out and said it. I waited ELEVEN BOOKS to find out what her deal was. ELEVEN BOOKS of wondering and suspecting and second-guessing and she just SAYS IT. LIKE THAT. RIGHT THERE.

WELL NOW WE KNOW, I GUESS.

Just. Well played. So very, very well played. One of the characters who held her cards closest to the chest all series, one of the most difficult to pin down, and so of coursethe reveal is on her own terms, direct and straightforward and stunning even if it’s not completely surprising.

Well. Played.

Also I’m suspicious of how often and pointedly the tea she’s drinking has been mentioned. The scent you don’t recognise is called foreshadowing, Egwene.

Egwene felt a sudden chill, like an ice cold spike pounded directly through her back and down into her chest.

Damn it Brandon get your hemalurgy out of my WoT.

Verin was Black. Light!

Nice forced juxtaposition in the phrasing there.

Those eyes that always had seemed to know too much. What better way to hide than as an unassuming Brown, constantly dismissed by the other sisters because of your distracted, scholarly ways?

Indeed. Who looks too closely at the absentminded scholar? Who suspects duplicity of a plump older woman with ink smudges on her dress? Who thinks too hard on disturbing comments made by a distracted Brown with little attention to tact? Verin, and people like Verin, are so easily…not even overlookedso much as set aside. I wonder, sometimes, why we’re so quick in times of crisis or uncertainty to disregard those who have made it the subject of their life’s work and study. Why we hold so strongly to this notion that scholarship means setting oneself aside from the ‘real world’, even when, without the real world, there would be nothing to study.

It’s my whole thing with the ‘lol the mapmaker can’t actually navigate’ nonsense with Roidelle a few chapters back. Like listen, fuck you, I can read and use just about any map you give me. I can navigate by the stars in either hemisphere. You think I spent my Ivory Tower Years studying the earth without getting my hands dirty? I did not haul a literal bucket full of shit through a jungle in volcano-melted shoes for this.

(Yes, there are parts of academia that are, to put it kindly, Out Of Touch, and whose publications are more self-referential and inbred than your average European monarchy. But the ease with which we write off ‘scholars’ and ‘academics’ as hopeless in all matters relating to the Real World is kind of mind-boggling.)

Anyway. Rather than diving headfirst into an essay on the insidious nature of anti-intellectualism, I’ll just say…Verin really did have the perfect disguise.

Not quite as much to the reader – it’s been very much made clear that she was up to something and that the distracted-and-muddled act was very much an act – but in-world? Even in ourworld, without the insight given by the narrative, who would have looked twice?

Verin, of course, just responds to Egwene’s shock with possibly the most English thing she could possibly say aside from ‘shit weather we’re having, isn’t it?’:

“My, but this is good tea.”

I love her.

What a troll.

She just SHOWED UP IN EGWENE’S ROOM, DRINKING TEA, AND ANNOUNCED THAT SHE’S BLACK AJAH. AFTER ELEVEN BOOKS. OF GIVING AWAY NOTHING. EVEN IN HER THOUGHTS.

She is, truly, On Another Level.

I’m also just running through everything she’s ever done or said or thought in the last eleven books with the certainty of hindsight and my brain feels a little bit like one of those flipbooks you play with as a kid.

Just…*shakes head* well fucking played, Verin.

“I would offer you some tea, but I sincerely doubt you want any of what I’m having.”

Even I don’t mention tea as frequently as it’s been mentioned in these last two or three pages. What exactly is in that tea, Verin?

Egwene’s still in panic mode, and I love the way this is played out, with her thoughts scattered and frantic, juxtaposed against Verin’s calm, collected, and utterly shocking matter-of-fact, conversational, mild statements.

But while Egwene – I suppose understandably – sees Verin immediately as a threat after that admission, I…don’t.

“I compliment you on what you’ve done here, Egwene.”

‘I’m Black Ajah, but more importantly, I love what you’ve done with the room! Such a good eye for colour, and the minimalist style is so in right now. Tea?’

When you get an opportunity like this, you don’t squander it. And she is making the absolute most of her chance here, and I honestly don’t even blame her. She could say something reassuring, but where’s the fun in that? Besides, Verin has always dealt in truths, not platitudes.

I love her, you guys. I love her so much.

“It was more important to continue my research and keep an eye on young al’Thor. He’s a fiery one”

TOO. SOON.

That was rude. Fuck. Wow. Okay.

“I’m not certain he understands how the Great Lord works. Not all evil is as…obvious as the Chosen. The Forsaken, as you’d call them.”

Two things here. One: there is absolutely no way Verin is truly aligned with the Shadow. Two: she gets it. She understands what’s going on, with Rand and even, I think, with how the Shadow is manipulating him without ever having to truly turn him.

“I’m convinced that it isn’t intelligence, craftiness, or skill that makes one Chosen—though of course, those things are important. No, I believe it is selfishness the Great Lord seeks in his greatest leaders.”

YES. THIS.

THIS, EXACTLY.

Of course Verin is the one to put it into words so clearly. With one exception, they are so focused on their own power and their own promised rewards and their own plans and successes and positions of favour that they don’t even see the game they’re truly playing. They serve themselves, not a cause, and because they are intelligent and crafty and skilled, they become incredibly effective pawns in that game, set on a board they hardly understand and let loose to serve a purpose they never truly consider because they are so hell-bent on their own. And so they will destroy the world and themselves with it and never notice until their own flames consume them.

It’s also an interesting statement to consider in the context of Rand, given that Verin has just voiced her worries that he doesn’t understand how the Great Lord works.

Because Rand has an…interesting relationship with selfishness and altruism. Especially now. He has pushed himself into a state of literal selflessness – total denial of the existence of a self – but for the sake of self-preservation. He did it because it hurt too much to hold on to anything of who he was, to let himself feel. So it’s a selfish motivator…and yet, the motivation behind that is a layer of altruism, because that need for survival arises from a need to fulfil his duty to a selfless cause.

And so we go around and around in circles; is he selfish or selfless in his choice to leave his humanity and life and redemption behind? Is it more selfish to seek death or survival, to martyr himself or to endure, to live for something or to die for it?

Listen, I’m a scientist and a programmer and an atheist, and also I cannot get enough of spiralling questions of eschatology and metaphysics and fate in fiction. It’s a thing.

(And that’s not even getting into my obsession with divinity as an entire concept).

But back to the Forsaken. I think Verin has it absolutely right here – power and cunning and other abilities are all well and good, but if you want a group of people you can control and predict and move around like the pawns they are (while they believe themselves to be the players, and masters of the game), selfishness is a perfect trait to select for.

Wise of Verin to see that.

And, back to Rand for just a moment here, maybe that’s part of where he struggles: he’s too close to the Forsaken in his knowledge of them from Lews Therin’s memories to take that step back and view them as an outside observer, yet at the same time he’s so far on the other side of the spectrum in terms of motivations to see this unifying trait and understand how it works and how to use it.

“The Chosen are predictable, but the Great Lord is anything but. Even after decades of study, I can’t be certain exactly what he wants or why he wants it.”

Because, unless you’re Moridin, I think it would break your mind to truly understand what it is he wants. None of the Chosen seem to fully understand it either, because if they did, would they still fight for it? Total destruction of everything, a world remade in the image of chaos, wouldn’t serve any of their goals. And yet because of that selfishness, they are made to serve precisely that cause, and are kept blind by their own narrow ambitions to what end they truly work towards.

“And what does this have to do with me?” Egwene asked.

“Not much,” Verin said, tsking at herself. “I’m afraid I let myself get sidetracked.”

In which Verin’s tangents are more insightful than many character’s introspection. Not to mention about a hundred times more communicative, suddenly. I love when an enigma of a character finally decides it’s time to spill her secrets. It’s so satisfying.

Verin’s so proud of Egwene for what she’s done with the Tower. It’s lovely to see, not just to have someone in a position to recognise and appreciate what Egwene has managed to do, but to have it be someone who’s known Egwene since even before she went to Tar Valon, someone who watched her first learnings and chided her for her early mistakes, and also who knows and understands what’s going on, on a level that seems to be far deeper than most Aes Sedai. Verin sees. And so her praise is worth far more than most. Especially now, when she seems to be so sure that time is short, when she’s making her final play.

Egwene’s still trying to figure out what the hell is even going on here, and…

Oh.

“A number of years ago, I faced a decision. I found myself in a position where I could either take the oaths to the Dark One, or I could reveal that I had actually never wanted—or intended—to do so, whereupon I would have been executed.”

ALL THE SECRETS COME OUT.

DOUBLE AGENT VERIN.

So this was the mistake she alluded to in her thoughts. This is why she’s thought so many times about how sometimes you just have to make the best of the situation you’re given.

“Many would have simply opted for death. I, however, saw this as an opportunity. You see, one rarely has such a chance as this, to study a beast from inside its heart, to see really what makes the blood flow. To discover where all of the little veins and vessels lead. Quite an extraordinary experience.”

“Wait,” Egwene said. “You joined the Black Ajah to study them?”

YES!!!!!!!!!!

VERINNNNN!!!!!!!!!!

THIS IS EVERYTHING I EVER WANTED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The scholar driven by a desire for knowledge, faced with the consequences of that search, and choosing to push forward anyway, to sacrifice herself not by dying but by living, and swearing herself to a cause she never wanted to join, and seeing it as an opportunity. To keep studying them. HOW FUCKING AWESOME IS SHE?

“Tomas. Does he know what you’ve done?”

“He was a Darkfriend himself, child,” Verin said. “Wanting a way out. Well, there really isn’t a way out, not once the Great Lord has his claws in you. But there was a way to fight, to make up a little of what you’ve done. I offered that chance to Tomas, and I believe he was quite grateful to me for it.”

No man can walk so long in the Shadow…I wonder if Ingtar knew.

It’s such a lovely little addition to this whole reveal; Tomas is a fairly minor character, but it adds that extra bit of depth to an already fantastic scene that she found a way to offer him some small form of redemption, by joining her in hers. It ties everything together just that little bit more. There may not be a way out, but there is a way to go forwards, a way to fight.

Verin was a Darkfriend…but not one at the same time.

It’s not so different from Ingtar’s choice, really. It’s just the timeframe that’s different.

“You said he ‘was’ quite grateful to you?”

And, like Ingtar’s choice, I don’t think there’s much chance of this not being a fatal one.

“The oaths one makes to the Great Lord are quite specific,” she finally continued. “And, when they are placed upon one who can channel, they are quite binding. Impossible to break. You can double-cross other Darkfriends, you can turn against the Chosen if you can justify it. Selfishness must be preserved. But you can never betray him.”

I just love the way she gets so cleanly to the heart of it with her observations of the role of selfishness. It explains so much, so neatly. And yet they are all bound, though they claim to set themselves above everyone else; all of them must serve, in the end, but they are so easily manipulated into believing that they rule.

She looked up, meeting Egwene’s eyes. “‘I sear not to betray the Great Lord, to keep my secrets until the hour of my death.’ That was what I promised. Do you see?”

…oh.

Oh, Verin.

The tea is poison and this is her final play. Killing herself in order to betray all of her secrets, because it’s the one loophole open to her. The only way to share the knowledge she spent decades collecting.

Decades of secrecy and evasion, of hiding behind that distracted scholarly mask, of observing, unseen, from within. And it all ends here, in a single hour of honesty, with the captive Amyrlin she can look at and be proud of.

VEEEEEERRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

She joined them to stay alive because the alternative was death and now she’s choosing her own death as a way of allowing herself to betray them THIS IS TOO MUCH.

“A curious hole in the oaths,” Verin said softly. “To allow one to effect a betrayal in the final hour of one’s life. I cannot help wondering if the Great Lord knows of it. Why wouldn’t he close that hole?”

Because no one selfish enough to serve him would ever think to use it. Because to use it would be an act of absolute altruism, anathema to any in a position to do so.

Except Verin.

“Perhaps he doesn’t see it as threatening,” Egwene said, opening her eyes. “After all, what kind of Darkfriend would kill themselves in order to advance the greater good? It doesn’t seem the kind of thing his followers would consider.”

What she said.

Or…maybe it’s almost meant as a taunt, a cruel reminder of the cost of betrayal. A way of saying to those who might be considering it, who might be regretting their choice, ‘you can betray me but to do so demands your death’. A loophole kept as a warning sign, and a way of making any who might be wavering turn back.

Egwene shook her head. It seemed such a tragedy. “You come to me to confess, killing yourself in a final quest for redemption?”

Not quite, I don’t think. She wouldn’t waste all those years just to gain peace of mind in a confession. She’s come to share knowledge.

IN THE FORM OF HER NOTEBOOKS.

ALL HER NOTES.

THIS IS GOING TO BE GOOD.

“Every woman in the Brown,” Verin said, “seeks to produce something lasting. Research or study that will be meaningful. Others often accuse us of ignoring the world around us. They think we only look backward. Well, that is inaccurate. If we are distracted, it is because we look forward, toward those who will come. And the information, the knowledge we gather…we leave it for them. The other Ajahs worry about making today better; we yearn to make tomorrow better.”

That, right there, is a perfect and utterly lovely redemption of the stereotype of the scholar. Thank you for this.

The desire to leave something lasting, to not just know but to share that knowledge with those who come after, to lay the foundations for future generations to learn from and to learn beyond. A distractedness that comes not from ignoring the world but from looking to its future. A study of the past or the present for the purpose of that future. This is absolutely beautiful. I want it framed on my wall.

I love Verin so much.

“That tome is the…work. My work. The work of my life.”

The work she is quite literally giving her life for. It’s sad but there’s this sense of absolute triumph to it as well.

“Names, locations, explanations,” Verin said. “Everything I learned about them. About the leaders among the Darkfriends, about the Black Ajah. The prophecies they believe, the goals and motivations of the separate factions. Along with a list, at the back, of every Black Ajah sister I could identify.”

And with that one book, with this one hour, with this single but incredible act of betrayal that should be impossible, she’s just dealt a potentially crippling blow to the Shadow.

It costs her life, but she’s done what so many aspire to: created something that could change the future. All that knowledge she gained, all those years of studying, and now she can leave it in the hands of someone who can use it. She can quite literally hand it to the next generation, leave the knowledge she gathered in the hands of the one who will shape the future. It’s a quite victory, witnessed only by Egwene, but what a victory it is.

I. LOVE. VERIN. SO. MUCH.

I just.

I love this tone of triumphant sadness, of a sacrifice that is the exact opposite of in vain. She’s dying for this, but in doing so she’s achieving the the epitome of her Ajah’s ideals. She’s carrying out the most thorough betrayal the Shadow has perhaps ever seen, and handing Egwene information no other Aes Sedai has even come close to managing to uncover.

Her life’s work is thorough and practical and meaningful and could quite literally help save the world.

“I doubt I caught them all,” Verin said, smiling. “But I think I got the large majority of them. I promise you, Egwene. I can be quitethorough.”

And this is one of those things that could so easily tip over into deus ex machina territory – handing a protagonist a list of everyone in the secret evil organisation that’s been causing problems for the whole series and also several centuries previously, right as we move into the final act? Giving her a list that multiple characters and plotlines have been spent trying to find even part of? – and yet manages to avoid that entirely because of how perfectly Verin’s character has been written since the beginning.

Because this doesn’t even remotely come out of nowhere. This has been seeded from the very start, even if I never would have been able to say that this is specifically what it was going to come to. Verin’s been there almost from the beginning, and she’s been so clearly up to something, yet in a way that never quite reveals exactly what…but the fact that she’s been around, and keeping the reader guessing, makes this kind of reveal work. Because you know that somekind of reveal must be coming. And everything she’s done up until now fits so perfectly in hindsight, and makes absolute sense, and it all feels like a natural and surprising-yet-inevitable end to her storyline.

It doesn’t come out of nowhere; it just finishes and ties off what has been there all along.

Egwene looked down at the books with awe. Incredible! Light, but this was a treasure greater than any king’s hoard. A treasure as great as the Horn of Valere itself. She looked up, tears in her eyes, imagining a life spent among the Black, always watching, recording, and working for the good of all.

“Oh, don’t go doing that,” Verin said.

I mean, if I were someone who cried at books, I’m pretty sure I’d be doing the same.

I’m glad that not only does Verin see and understand and and appreciate all that Egwene has done, when so few others are really in a position to, but Egwene understands just how much Verin has done and sacrificed, and what it means.

“This is worth one woman’s life. Few people have had a chance to create something as useful, and as wonderful, as that book you hold. We all seek to change the future, Egwene. I think I might just have a chance at doing so.”

And I’m glad that Verin herself understands just how much of a victory this is, and sees it as such. This is worth her death, and she knows it, and so there is a sense of peace and acceptance rather than tragedy.

Magic bookmark! I want one.

“I will admit that the poison was a backup plan,” Verin said. “I am not eager for death; there are still things I need to do. Fortunately, I have set several of them in motion to be…seen to, in case I do not return. Regardless, my first plan was to find the Oath Rod, then see if I could use it to remove the Great Lord’s oaths. The Oath Rod appears to have gone missing, unfortunately.”

Saerin, Egwene thought, and the others.

How beautifully ironic. They’re using the Oath Rod to try to find the Black Ajah, but because they have it, a Black Ajah double agent couldn’t use it to free herself of the oaths preventing her from betraying the Black Ajah without killing herself.

Also, the Oath Rod itself seems like a bigger loophole than the ‘hour of my death’ phrasing. Or would a Black sister not be able to voluntarily free herself from her oaths because to do so would be a betrayal of the Dark One? Maybe it only worked with Talene and any others because they didn’t decide to renounce all oaths that bound them; they were forced to? Otherwise it seems like a huge vulnerability, to swear Black Ajah members to these binding oaths but leave them free to unbind themselves should they so choose.

Verin, at least, seems to think it might not have worked, even if she hoped it would.

What are the other oaths they take, I wonder?

“One of the Chosen is in the Tower, child. It’s Mesaana, I’m certain of it. I had hoped to be able to bring you the name she was hiding under, but the two times I met with her, she was shrouded to the point that I couldn’t tell.”

I mean, I think you can be forgiven for not uncovering the secret identity of the Forsaken you’ve identified in the Tower, given everything else you’ve done, Verin. I’m also anything but sure of who Mesaana’s hiding as. I suspected the Brown who helped Elaida with the coup, but now I can’t even remember her name (which is kind of unlike me; I have crap memory for people’s names IRL but I’m great with fictional characters) so that tells you how sure I am.

“So many decisions you must make, for one so young.” […]

“Thank you, Verin. Thank you for choosing me to carry this burden.”

Verin smiled faintly. “You did very well with the previous tidbits I gave you. That was quite the interesting situation. The Amyrlin commanded that I give you information to hunt the Black sisters who fled the Tower, so I had to comply, even though the leadership of the Black was frustrated by the order. I wasn’t supposed to give you the dreaming ter’angreal, you know. But I’ve always had a feeling about you.”

It is a lovely way of bringing so many things full circle here. Egwene being set to hunt the Black Ajah all the way back in TDR, and Verin giving her the information, and choosing to trust her with the dream ter’angreal…and now Verin coming to her, and choosing to trust her with her life’s work and her secret and her redemption, and handing her the key to the puzzle she was set to all that time ago.

And this whole scene has been full of this sense of mutual recognition and understanding and respect between them; Verin of what Egwene has done and Egwene of what Verin is doing here, with her last act, and what it means.

So much trust, and oh, how it is rewarded.

Trust usually is, in these books, on the rare occasions that it happens.

“You will be Amyrlin. I’m confident of it. And an Amyrlin should be well armed with knowledge. That, among all things, is the most sacred duty of the Brown—to arm the world with knowledge.”

HAVE I MENTIONED THAT LOVE THIS? BECAUSE I LOVE THIS. THIS IS SO GOOD. It’s just a slight…shifting of angles, in a sense, on the usual perception of Browns, but it casts so much in a different light, and it’s beautiful. We’ve almost exclusively seen the Brown from an outside perspective, and they almost always are portrayed as distracted, esoteric, intelligent but more caught up in knowledge than in anything ‘useful’, absentminded…and Verin doesn’t contradict that so much as shine a light on everything behind it. She gives the Brown Ajah depth, and with that, purpose and meaning and value. To arm the world with knowledge. That is a sacred duty, and a necessary one, whatever the knowledge may be.

It’s what Rand himself was trying to do, by setting up his schools in order to try to preserve something against another Breaking of the World.

And it’s just so, so nice to see, after twelve books of fond disdain for the Brown Ajah. To have them redeemed this way, illuminated this way. To have the narrative itself illustrate the fallacy of such a limited view of scholarship and knowledge.

“I’m still one of them. Please see that they know, although the word Black may brand my name forever, my soul is Brown. Tell them…”

“I will, Verin,” Egwene promised. “But your soul is not Brown. I can see it.” Her eyes fluttered open, meeting Egwene’s, a frown creasing her forehead.

“Your soul is of a pure white, Verin,” Egwene said softly, “Like the Light itself.”

Verin smiled, and her eyes closed.

Ahhhhhhhh.

What a perfect farewell to such a fantastic character.

It’s a completely different context and manner of death, but it still puts me in mind of Ingtar, and his final redemption. The way his last words were ‘for the Light, and Shinowa’ as he turned at last away from the Shadow, after Rand offered him understanding and his blessing and, through that, redemption. Egwene does something similar here, in promising to let the others know the truth—and what a beautifully sad last request that is, to have done so much and to just want it known that she was truly of her Ajah, that she did what she did in the service of the Light—and in that last evocation of the Light, and the sense of peace it brings.

Goodbye, Verin. You were every kind of awesome and you will be missed. But damn, what a way to go.

It felt callous to double-check, but there were some poisons which could make one appear to be dead and breathe only very shallowly, and if Verin had wanted to trick Egwene and point a finger at the wrong sisters, this would have been a wonderful method. Callous indeed to double-check, and it made Egwene feel sick, but she was Amyrlin. She did that which was difficult and considered all possibilities.

Callous, but good to be certain. She trusts Verin, and admits and accepts that trust…but that doesn’t stop her from doing the pragmatic thing just in case. And yet – perhaps more importantly – her ability to do the pragmatic thing, and her consideration of all possibilities, does not prevent her from trusting. She doesn’t step across that line into paranoia; she’ll check because it’s a possibility she should be sure to eliminate, but she will also trust. She’ll do the callous thing when necessary, but she doesn’t allow that callousness to become her only mode.

Her heart trusted Verin, although her mind wanted to be certain.

That’s a good way of putting it, actually. And she can balance those two, rather than blocking one off. No point not double-checking, but she can use that as a way to affirm her instinctive want to trust, rather than as a way of rejecting it completely.

All in all, they’re each incredibly lucky the other turned out to be worthy of that trust, aren’t they? If Verin were Black Ajah in purpose as well as in name, or if Egwene were truly powerless or incompetent, that could have gone very badly for one or both of them.

And now she has a babysitter again. Good timing, all things considered; she could have shown up five minutes ago and then where would they be? Still, I can absolutely sympathise with Egwene’s annoyance at someone interrupting what otherwise promises to be a solid chunk of reading time.

Slow clap to Egwene for managing to hide a bodyin half-truths.

She would simply have to wait. And read.

And RAFO.

Kind of literally.

She shoved aside the longing to embrace the Power and create a ball of light by which to read. She’d have to be satisfied with the single candle’s flame.

There’s something about this that feels rather…fitting. Symbolic, even. The Amyrlin Seat, the Flame of Tar Valon, dedicated to the victory of the Light, imprisoned and effectively powerless but for a single candle’s flame, with which to reveal the secrets that will help her bring down the Shadow. She doesn’t need enormous power, or a force of light; she will make do with a single candle’s flame. One candle against the Shadow, but it can be enough.

Especially contrasted against Natrin’s Barrow, just before this. Where all the light the Dragon Reborn with the Choedan Kal could summon couldn’t seem to keep the Shadow at bay and, if anything, seemed only to help it.

I just like the contrast of images, and of the moods the evoke. Rand, illuminated to the extent that he looks like little more than Power and light made flesh, and yet everything about it is cold and frightening and ominous. And then Egwene, quiet and unable to channel and alone in a dark room with nothing but a candle, and yet there is a sense of hope and energy and victory, of a much-needed true victory for the Light. Even if it is only a small candle against so much darkness, it is enough.

She’s gone straight to the list of names at the back of the book—I guess Egwene doesn’t share my aversion to spoilers.

Katerine, Alviarin, Elza, Galina, Sheriam…all names we already know, so far.

Steel yourself, Egwene, she thought, continuing to read down the list.

Steel yourself, as she reads through a list of women’s names. How…perfect. That has to be deliberate.

(A list of dead women’s names, one could argue; it seems unlikely most of them will be allowed to live).

She worked through the feelings of betrayal, the bitterness and the regret. She would not let emotions get in the way of her duty.

Here, again, we have a slight similarity to Rand that is actually more of a difference. True, she steels herself against the names on the list, hardens herself to face them. But more accurate, perhaps, to say she prepares herself to face them. She knows it will be hard, knows it will hurt – it already does; some of those names are already shocking or painful. This is not an easy task. And she also knows she can’t let emotion overcome her, or get in the way.

But she doesn’t shut it out. She works through the feelings of betrayal. She allows them to exist, and processes them, acknowledges them before setting them aside. She lets herself feel, even as she reminds herself to not let that get in the way of what she must do. It’s not a binary switch, a complete suppression of emotion to the point where she denies even its existence. She’s just…doing something difficult, but something that must be done. It hurts, and that’s part of it, and she can steel herself against it to some extent, but she doesn’t try to block it off entirely. She just has to get through it.

There’s a difference between setting aside emotion in order to approach something rationally and trying to shut it off altogether in an attempt to avoid the pain it causes.

Her role as Amyrlin demands that she read these names, and deal with the truths they reveal, and figure out what to do about it. And so she will, and she’ll do that even though it hurts Egwene to have to read them. But she doesn’t deny that part of her that is Egwene, that part of her that does hurt. She just works through it and puts it to one side for now, because now is a time for being Amyrlin.

Moria? Isn’t she the one who convinced the rebel Hall to vote in favour of an alliance with the Black Tower? Damn. I liked her; that was a good speech.

Each name was like a thorn through Egwene’s skin.

At least it’s not (yet) a white-hot line of fire across her soul.

I have to say, it’s not easy to make a character reading a list into an interesting or engaging scene, but this is well done. There’s a palpable sense of tension running through this whole section, even if most of it is simply names strung together with brief interludes of Egwene’s thoughts on them. It draws the reader’s focus alongside Egwene’s; we’re seeing these names through her eyes, an relentless assault of name after name that she has to confront, some of which area easy or mean very little, and some of which are harder, but she can’t dwell on them. The fact that we do only get those brief thoughts from her, before returning to the list of names, helps drive this feeling of urgency and also of…Egwene trying to hold herself together, in a way. Of pushing through and steeling herself and having to just keep reading, keep confronting truth after truth, trying to keep herself rational and calm and together.

So Elaida is not Black Ajah. Or at least, Verin was all but sure she isn’t. That’s no more surprising to me than it is to Egwene, but it’s good to have sort-of-confirmation.

Hi Nicola. Perfect timing yet again – both interruptions have come exactly when they’ll be the least incriminating or disruptive. First right after Verin died, and now right as Egwene has finished reading and hidden the books.

Hidden notes in the food; we’re deep into intrigue territory now.

And now Meidani stops by…and the ruse is up. Verin is very obviously dead and Meidani is understandably a bit ‘um what the fuck why is there a dead Aes Sedai in your bed’.

“Verin Sedai was poisoned by a Darkfriend shortly before her conversation with me. She was aware of the poison, and came to pass on some important information to me during her last moments.”

I love half-truths. An elegant lie spoken with not a single untrue word is honestly a thing of beauty.

Meidani paled, then looked at Egwene, likely wondering how she could be so callous. Good. Let her see the collected, determined Amyrlin. As long as she didn’t see a hint of the grief, confusion, and anxiety inside.

She can be that collected, determined Amyrlin…but she also doesn’t deny that the rest exists beneath that surface, even as she maintains it. She can hold a separation that isn’t a true denial or suppression. She can be callous when necessary, but she can also still feel that grief and confusion and anxiety.

And she also doesn’t spend time hating herself for having to be callous when callousness is necessary, because she accepts that necessity. She may not like it, but she doesn’t turn it against herself, doesn’t direct that pain inwards as some kind of punishment. Whereas I think part of the reason Rand has reached a point where the only way he can endure is to deny all feeling whatsoever, and simply accept that he is damned and there’s no point trying to save any part of himself, is that he internalised too much of that anger and pain at what he had to do, turned it into self-loathing and used it to punish himself for what he must do. And so now the only way he can be callous when needed and do what is necessary is by becoming that entirely; otherwise, the pain of his self-hatred at having to do any of it becomes too much. Easier to just accept that he’s damned and have done with it; he still hates himself but now he doesn’t have to fight against it.

Whereas Egwene doesn’t allow necessity to develop into that sharp-edged self-hatred, because she understands that it is simply necessity, and that she, Egwene, is still there beneath it. She can work through the emotions she feels and set them aside when needed, but she doesn’t spend time inflicting pain on herself as punishment for what she must do. Instead she embraces the pain she must endure, because she can hold onto the knowledge that she is doing all of this for a purpose, that there is a reason for both the pain and for the harder things she has to do, and that it will be worth it. That she’s fighting for something important enough to make those things worthwhile.

That all makes far more sense in my head than I can seem to get it to on paper but I tried.

Meidani’s basically here to act as a news feed: Elaida’s still Amyrlin but the Hall is pissed off, mostly.

“They informed Elaida that the Amyrlin was not an absolute ruler, and that she couldn’t continue to make decrees and demands without consulting them.”

Must—not—make—political—analogy—

“[Saerin] also noted that your own insistence that the Red Ajah not be allowed to fall—spread by a group of novices who overheard you—was part of what kept Elaida from being deposed.”

Sucks when doing the right thing makes your life harder. And yet she couldn’t have done anything else; she is here to heal the Tower and she cannot let another Ajah be broken apart if she is to do that. This is just a test of her resolve, really.

It smelled of a compromise; Elaida had probably met in closed conference with the head of the Red Ajah—whoever that was, now that Galina had vanished—hashing out the details. Silviana wuld still be punished, although not as strongly, but Elaida would submit to the will of the Hall.

But at least the government will remain open and the Aes Sedai won’t have to work without pay.

So not a perfect outcome, but it definitely seems as if things are tipping, slowly but more and more, towards Egwene. Though this may have played out too soon; it wasn’t quite enough to push Elaida over completely, and now the issue has been resolved, so there will have to be something else to push them again.

Luckily – for a given definition of luck – Tuon seems to have set something in motion that could do precisely that…

Given just a little more time, Egwene was confident she could get the woman overturned and the Tower reunited. But dared she spend that time?

She glanced at the table, where the precious books lay hidden from eyes. If she staged a mass assault on the Black Ajah, would that precipitate a battle?

Somehow I don’t think you’re going to be given the chance to find out. I’m not precisely sure how Egwene’s timeline lines up with Tuon and Rand’s, but I rather doubt, given the pace this book is setting, that Egwene’s going to be given much time to consider how to proceed before events decide it for her.

“I want you to report to the others. They must take Alviarin into captivity and test her with the Oath Rod. Tell them to take any reasonable risk to achieve it.”

Or not. Alright then. Egwene’s not wasting any time.

She may not be able to act on all of Verin’s information immediately, but she certainly isn’t going to just sit on it and wait for some sort of opportune moment. Fair enough; this is important enough and bigger than any personal goals she may have. Once again she’s putting the Tower ahead of herself: it’s not about becoming Amyrlin or gaining power for her own ends; it’s about healing the Tower and part of that, now, means taking the steps she is now in a position to take to eliminate the Black Ajah if she can. She’s not going to wait until it would give her a strategic advantage if she can do something about it now. And that is impressive. It would be so easy to hold everything back, to wait and make it part of a play for power. And maybe it still will be, but if it is, it won’t be because she’s withholding information or delaying acting for the sake of her own goals. It will be because that coincides with what she can do for the Tower in any given moment.

“It’s well known that [Nicola]’s one of your greatest advocates among the novices.”

It was odd to hear that of a woman who had effectively betrayed her, but the girl couldn’t really be blamed for that, all things considered.

How easily she can brush off that betrayal, now.

It’s growth even from Honey in the Tea, when the thing that broke Egwene’s determined calm was seeing Beonin and thinking Beonin must have been the one to betray her. Now, she’s moved past the point where it matters who betrayed her and why, because because again, it’s not about her, and holding a grudge against a novice won’t help the Tower, so what’s the point?

So Egwene sets Meidani to the task of ensuring that Alviarin is captured…and then just tells her essentially ‘oh and hide the body on your way out’. Bless.

And then she puts herself to sleep for a quick dream visit. Now that her bed is vacated of the corpse. I just…wow, Egwene. Wow. She has things to do and a Tower to heal, and she’s not going to let anything stand in her way. Or lay down and die in her way, as the case may be.

While she waits, she’s following all the possible trains of thought regarding Sheriam being Black Ajah, which basically results in a mess of what-ifs pretty much designed to cause system overload.

I do like the way we get a full three paragraphs of it; it conveys the full sense of both how tangled everything can get when you know even one person is Black Ajah, and the sense of panicked back-tracking trying to find all the possible places that could have had an effect, and also the sheer overwhelming impossibility of doing any such thing…but the difficulty of switching off that line of thinking, once you’ve started it.

What of Egwene’s own rise to power? How many of the Shadow’s strings did she dance on without knowing it?

That way lies madness, Egwene.

This is an exercise in futility, she told herself firmly. Don’t go down that path.

I should have just turned the page. But yes, that. It’s so easy to get caught up in that tangle of hypotheticals to the point where you paralyse yourself in terms of doing anything at all for fear of making things worse…but that’s not going to help anyone. She can’t look back; all she can do is look forward with more information now than she had before, and try to make the most of the situation she finds herself in. Trying to figure out all the possible ways in which she was pushed into it is tempting, but ultimately isn’t going to help her get anywhere. Find the winning move based on where the pieces are now, rather than wasting time trying to figure out how they got there.

For a moment, she felt herself to be the country girl many thought her to be. If Elaida had been a pawn for the Blacks, then so had she. Light! How the Dark One must have laughed to see two rival Amyrlins, each with one of his loyal minions at her side, pitting them against one another.

It is good that she can recognise this, though. She can’t afford to dwell on it, but she’s not arrogant enough to think that she’s somehow exempt from this manipulation. And there is a bit of anger at herself here…but she fairly quickly shifts it and refocuses it outwards rather than inwards, into determination rather than self-destruction:

Whatever his plan, she would fight him. Resist him. Spit in his eye, even if he won, just as the Aiel said.

There’s nothing she can do about what has already happened except learn from it and keep fighting, and find a way to move forward, find a way to turn what she has now into a position of strength.

“Siuan,” she said curtly. “You may want to summon yourself a chair. Something has happened.”

Siuan frowned. “What?”

“First off, Sheriam and Moria are Black Ajah.”

Don’t waste any time there. She did tell Siuan to summon up a chair, I suppose she figures that’s warning enough. I’m with you, Egwene, I hate small talk when there’s shit to be done.

“I need time to plan and think, an evening perhaps.”

An evening to process several decades’ worth of spying and research and a near-comprehensive list of hundreds of Aes Sedai who secretly serve the Shadow and to figure out how best to deal with all of that doesn’t seemlike too much to ask, especially as she’s not even getting any kind of overtime pay, but this genre being what it is…not sure you’re even going to get that much, Egwene. Think fast.

“This could be dangerous.”

And the award for UNDERSTATEMENT OF THE AGE goes to SIUAN FUCKING SANCHE.

“Are you still captive?”

“Not exactly. Elaida has—” Egwene hesitated, frowning to herself. Something was wrong.

You’ll have to be more specific, Egwene. The list of things that are wrong could fill Verin’s journals several times over.

Oh.

Shit.

She didn’t even get ten minutes, much less an evening.

Nicola shaking her arm. “Mother,” she was saying. “Mother!”

The girl had a bloody gash on her cheek. Egwene sat up sharply, and at that moment the entire Tower shook as if from an explosion.

And it was shaping up to be such a quiet, relaxing, peaceful evening.

Oh shit she can’t channel, can she? That’s uh….Bad.

It wasn’t Tarmon Gai’don, but it was nearly as bad. The Seanchan had finally attacked the White Tower, just as Egwene had Dreamed.

And she couldn’t channel enough Power to light a candle, let alone fight back.

GODDAMN IT SANDERSON THESE CLIFFHANGER CHAPTER ENDINGS ARE KILLING ME. Have some mercy for those of us who make terrible life choices and decide to liveblog these books!

Next (TGS ch 40) Previous (TGS ch 38)

#WHAT DID I EVER DO TO DESERVE THESE CLIFFHANGERS #Wheel of Time #neuxue liveblogs WoT #The Gathering Storm

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beyondthetemples-ooc · 5 years

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SALTY ASKS uhhh, 4 8 15 16 & 23?

Thank you, Randy!

4. Do you have a NoTP in your fandom? Are they a popular OTP?

- Keep any and all romantic BB/Rae away from me. I don’t care what version, what AU, what rationale, I just don’t like their dynamic. I see absolutely NO romantic potential there. (I have seen.... two stories, in the entire history of Me Reading Fanfiction, wherein they were in-character, developed, and actually okay together. And one of those was my very favorite Raven RPer.) But the vast majority of the fanbase? Yuck. One or both are always out-of-character. Things are taken out of context. The foundation for their relationship seems to be whipped up from nothing. Canonically, they... literally mocked each other in the cartoon, barely even spoke to each other in the original comics, only had a relationship in recent comics when the writers had them Very Out of Character (or randomly got smacked back together, esp. in the end of TT v3? why even bother???)... It’s just, a really bad ship all around. I will unfollow people for not tagging it, it’s that bad. Bro-ship between them is on thin fucking ice.

- And then there’s... t/endershipping. (In Yugioh-- Ryou and Yami Bakura.) Oh gods. This one’s worse. Because it is legitimately an abusive dynamic. I mean, bullying, forcing someone to go against his wishes, threatening his friends, twisting selfish actions to say they were selfless, literally injuring him to use his injury as blackmail, not to mention inuring him in the throes of will-battle, and then there’s the literal spiritual possession thing. You know, “forces your will/consciousness to fuck off so I can do whatever I want in disguise as you” kind of dynamic? What the Fuck? There’s no trust, no respect, literally NOTHING to build ANY kind of POSITIVE relationship on, and all the TRAUMA that spirit put Ryou through is absolutely NOT the kind of thing that should make ANYONE fall in love?! I genuinely WORRY for the people who see what the spirit of the ring did to him, and think “they’d be cute together”. Gods. Gods!

(I’m also hugely squicked out by memory/shipping, Ryou+Aigami, because? What? The fuck? Did you not SEE what he DID to him?! FUCKING NO?? But luckily the t|endershippers tend to be the memory/shippers too, so they’re fairly easily blocked.)

- I also have jas|pis blacklisted because Canonical Abusive Relationships are Not Dynamics I Enjoy At All, thank you. Especially not when their conversations sound like something right out of the things I witnessed in my mother’s own life. (I have no idea how popular it is because I’ve been blacklisting and blocking it since the moment I found out it exists.)

- Also: It’s not at all popular and not something I see often, but: I’m just squicked in general by terra\ven, because while I can see how a thing might be developed, I’m not the kind of person who can look at their Canon History and Interactions and think, “How romantic!” Bad communication, festering hatred, picking at each others’ weaknesses, mutual toxicity, and attempted murder don’t make a good backdrop for a relationship. Yikes.

8. Have you received anon hate? What about?

Kind...of? I’ve gotten asks hating on blog appearances, fandom opinions, and General Negativity, but nothing hating on me as a person.

The headcanon blog I help moderate got an ask once that could’ve started a shipping war (basically like, “How can people possibly ship RobRae?”), but I like to think I handled it well because I redirected that before it could explode.

Honestly, most of my anon hate came from fanfic.net reviews back in the “mary-sue” witch-hunt days. (The funny thing was, at the time I didn’t even know what that accusation meant. 8P )

15. Unpopular opinion about the manga/show?

I liked the Yugioh manga better in black/white than in color! (The! big! mystery! about! Ryou’s! eyes!! continues!! to stump!!! and frustrate me!!!!! For context: this one character has had his eyes colored brown, green, blue, lavender, gray, black, dark purple, magenta, red, and seafoam green! [x] What the HELL color are his EYES.)

And for the record, in the advance copy of the “Games” graphic novel my dad gave me, there were Certain Pages still in either ink-work or black/white coloring that I really liked more than the final product. That book is colored GORGEOUSLY, don’t get me wrong! But the pure linework shows a lot more of the “line of motion” and TEXTURE details that my non-visual brain can Grasp And Parse and Feel Things About much moreso than a colored page.

Also: Raven is a big softie deep down inside. Comic, cartoon, you name it. I don’t know why this is so controversial because it’s Genuinely Canon as Hell, but even some canonical writers miss out on this, and it’s like? guys have you READ a Raven comic???

16. If you could change anything in the show, what would you change?

RYOU BAKURA WOULD BE MORE THAN A GODDAMN PLOT DEVICE. As mentioned in the Other Answered Ask, this drives me to absolute annoyance and disappointment and disdain. (This is specifically directed at the “show”, of course. The manga [and even season 0!] did a much better job of, you know... remembering that he is also a human being and not just a shell that has a conveniently-possessed antagonist necklace.)

It’s just the treatment of certain characters for me, I guess. I’m really bad at looking at a canon and going “This Event Would Be Different” otherwise. Especially when I’m emotionally attached to the Canon Events...

Except “Titans”. That fucking stunt they pulled with Arella, one of the most strong-willed, independent, perseverant, traumatized female characters to ever rise fully above her past and find her own way in the worlds-- in MULTIPLE worlds!-- and they made her the lackey of the monster she has always defied. It STILL pisses me off. (There are other things I’d change about Titans-- many others. But that AU is so far off the mark that it would take a collegiate-length essay to “change” it just right.)

23. Unpopular character you love?

Jericho! Arella! Malachite! Rorek!

Joey is such a sweetheart and has such a unique and versatile power. Arella is such an inspiration and proves time and time again that she’s stronger than her trauma. Malachite just had so much POTENTIAL as her own character and I wish we had seen more of her as an individual. And Rorek of course? God those eyes and that hair trigger the demigray. (And I headcanon hardcore that Malchior used Rorek as a template for how he looked, sounded, and acted, and of course Rorek wrote the book, and I fell as hard for Malchior as Raven did. So like.... kind of a scapegoat to redirect that love, but it makes me happy, okay.)

And Mismagius, which I don’t understand because surely I’m NOT the only strategically-minded lover of the Ghost type? And I’m certainly not the only witch who practices pop culture magic with Pokemon (and Mismagius is literally based on a witch and called “the magical pokemon”)? But hey, loving the underdog has been my lifelong specialty. 8F

#rhs answered an ask #rhs makes yet another post about teen titans #rhs steven universe #rhs yugioh #impulse goblin

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yyh-revival · 6 years

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What are your headcanons on Kuronue? /how do you characterize him?

Ah, Kuronue, the fandom’s favorite sweetheart that has an actual screen time of like 3 seconds. We all agree that he’s Yoko’s boyfriend, right? Like, that’s canon, isn’t it? Or fandom canon, at least? I’m a bit rusty on this movie (Last time I saw it was the abridged version Lanipator did on youtube… it’s pretty funny even if its a million years old)

So you guys probably guess I’m a slut for canon so let’s start off analyzing this shit from what we can actually deduce from the show.

Under cut!

So, the problem with Kuronue is that this awesome looking bat demon’s appearance was stolen by that shapeshifting demon, so most of the time we see “Kuronue,” we’re actually looking at a different demon.

There are only two ways we can judge his character then, by his 1 second of screen time and Kurama’s reaction to how the shapeshifter is acting.

For simplicity’s sake, I’ll go chronologically.

Remember that Kurama is extremely intelligent, so if he doesn’t pick up on this being a shapeshifter, then he’s playing Kuronue’s part pretty well.

So, Kurama gets attacked by this demon, who claims to be Kuronue, and his first reaction is to try to calm him down and talk to him. Which tells me 2 things. 1, Kuronue definitely could have a vindictive steak. If he was a super nice guy, Kurama would have called the demon out on his bullshit, saying something like “Kuronue wouldn’t act like this.” So our dear Kuro must have had some ability to be at least somewhat cruel (enough to want to get revenge on a now weakened Kurama by joining a group looking to kill a lot of innocent humans). And 2, he wasn’t too cruel or Kurama wouldn’t have even tried talking. With Yomi, he tried to steer clear of the whole “sorry I tried to kill you” thing for as long as possible, and even faced with the assassin, didn’t bring it up himself or try to apologize there and then. So Yomi is crueler, more likely to be hot-headed.

So two possibilities here. Either Kuro is the type of person who will go pretty far to get revenge when he feels he’s been slighted, but not nearly as cruel or vindictive as Yomi and Yoko. Or they were total fuck buddies with feelings and Kurama’s hoping that’ll get through to him enough that he’ll wait and listen. Or, a little bit of both.

So, the shapeshifter is using some memory manipulation crap? It’s not 100% clear but Kurama does this after their meeting:

So he’s either really fucking upset or his head is hurting for some reason, like maybe cause someone’s trying to fuck with it.

But! Here’s the thing. We Know Kurama’s head is hard to mess with. Whether the movie follows the canon of the show or not I am not 100% sure, (I mean, they do make up a whole new realm). But in the show, Kurama’s mind is incredibly well guarded. A literal mind reader can’t read his thoughts. So either this demon he’s facing is way stronger (in which case why bother with the disguise?), Kurama’s more susceptible because of the emotional connection (he wants to believe it’s Kuro), or the manipulation isn’t actually working and this is just Kurama’s actual emotional reaction.

So from Kurama, we can somewhat confidently assume that Kuronue isn’t cruel, but won’t take shit, either (so he was a nicer dude than Yoko, but perhaps not as nice as Kurama). We can also conclude that he wasn’t unreasonable, and could be talked down. And we also get hints that perhaps these two were very close.

___

So that’s how Kurama’s reacting. After that, we have only really 3 scenes we can analyze for the REAL Kuronue.

One.

Two.

Three.

So, let’s try to squeeze as much as we can from these frames.

1) We see Kuro laughing along with Yoko as they run away from a heist. They’ve been found, they’re being chased, but they have the treasure, and they’re laughing. Both of them are laughing, so Kuro couldn’t have been the “more careful” one, nor could he have been the “I’m so done” kind of boyfriend partner. He was just as into stealing shit and having fun as Yoko.

They sort of remind me of two college students who keep making chaotic neutral D&D characters. They’re not evil, they just want to have fun and fuck shit up.

2) We get this goddamn thing

in a shot as it’s cut off and Kuronue freaks out and tries to go back for it. So, there are 2 possibilities here.

Kuronue either really fucking loves this goddamn thing like, he’ll die for it, important. (As far as I can tell it’s just a pendant. Was it given to him by someone? Or was it just a regular pendant?) So depending on how important this thing is, we could judge how dumb he is here.

What’s heartbreaking is that we get these shots of Yoko:

So we can conclude a few things from Yoko’s reaction.

1) from that gif there, we see he immediately goes all “No don’t!”

So they KNOW what they’re doing is dangerous. They’re thrill seekers. They running high on the fact that they’re a hair away from death but they’re gonna make it, and gonna make it with some awesome treasure. But Kurama seems more aware of the danger than Kuro is. Yoko must know how important the pendant is to Kuro, as he’s not at all suspicious of how often the dude is fondling the thing

*fondle fondle*

But Kuro goes back for it, either thinking he has the time, or that it doesn’t matter if he does. Personally, I like to go with the “he’s a dumbass” headcanon, cause I like the idea that Kurama’s type for dudes is “loves the dark and is stupid.”

So Kuro isn’t as careful or aware as Yoko. Once again, college students come to mind. Perhaps two dudes doing drugs or drinking alcohol. Yoko has more experience or is just smarter with it, so he knows the limits. But Kuro thinks he can handle more or just isn’t thinking as clearly and gets fucked up and Yoko’s like oh fuck no, I did this I shouldn’t have brought this dumbass to this party.

Then 2) Yoko full on stops. He’s being chased, too, but he stops and stares for a good while. We get two different shots of him just watching in shock. So this tells me either this isn’t normal behavior for Kuro… and/or Yoko really liked that ass and is just super fucking shocked it’s gone. Or, also a possibility, Kuro is acting normal, but Yoko just can’t fuicking believe he just died for that goddamn pendnat wat the fuck kuro we talked about rthsi!!!

(deep breaths…)

Lastly, 3) Kuro yells for Yoko to run. He doesn’t just cry in pain or ask Yoko to save him, he sees that Yoko is frozen, and yells at him to run. This tells me 1), Kuro isn’t selfish. He could have tried to take Yoko down with him by accident, by asking him for help, or on purpose (which would make him more evil). But he doesn’t. This also once again screams “there’s something juicy here!!!”

______

SO! My conclusions?

Canon compliant/derived from canon: Kuro is

Sentimental (can’t let go of the pendant)

Willing to go great lengths for revenge… but is not evil or cruel in it.

Willing to listen to reason.

A little too quick to act

Not as careful/aware of his surroundings as Yoko

Thrill seeker

And relatively selfless when it comes to those he cares about.

Now for my personal headcanons:

He is a dumbass

That pendant was given to him by someone he cared for, either a family member or maybe even Yoko? Which I think would sweetly add to the tragic factor. If Yoko was the actual reason he died in the end, because he gave him the dumb thing…

The pendant has some small magical properties, which is why it was a worthy gift

He and Yoko totally fuck

He has a tendency to cut himself a lot hence the stupid black bandages

He doesn’t mind following cause it lets him be more of a dumbass if someone else is making the plans

he’s not really all that serious, he likely had a more comedic personality, which is why these two are laughing so freakin much, cause he brought out the fuckign happy light in yokos fuckign life and ghgjreg

So that’s my conclusion. Followers, any thoughts?

- Mod Lola

#yyh #yu yu hakusho #kuronue #yoko #kurama #yoko kurama #meta #analysis #headcanon #mod talk

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swiftwidget · 6 years

Text

I talked about this with @aoimikans and on a discord channel Friday morning, but my thoughts were a bit everywhere and I was typing on my phone. So, I’m going to write it here now that I feel a bit more ordered.

Izuku offering Mirio One for All was incredibly self-centered.

***Before I go on, I will preface this by saying I know he’s a kid, he’s still learning, he still has room to grow, and I care very much about him as a character.***

EDIT: Izuku is also usually a selfless person. This does not change that but just shows he has some area of growth needed and needs counselling after a traumatic event.

Straight to the point. Izuku’s offer was selfish disguised as generous.

At face value, Izuku offering OfA to Mirio who just lost his quirk could seem like a generous sacrifice - but with some uneasy undertones and the shock of Izuku offering to give it away. But it wasn’t generous. It wasn’t even kind.

Izuku witnessed the death of Nighteye (a traumatic event, yes), and he felt guilty that 1) Mirio is quirkless now, 2) Nighteye’s wish for Mirio to be All Might’s successor was not fulfilled, and 3) he saw Eri’s accidental uncontrollable use of her quirk and Aizawa helping him as negatives.

So instead of processing his guilt, his mourning, his trauma, he runs from it and takes the first out he sees: Offering to give Mirio his quirk.

Now, he in no way meant to be hurtful, but that was a hurtful thing to do. On top of that, he did not give that an ounce of thought.

We see him recall the moments when All Might told him he was quirkless too and believed Izuku could do something great with OfA and when he promised to twist fate.

(Hell, Nighteye’s last words to him were to say he could change fate.)

Those were huge moments. Those were promises. Those were leaps and bounds of development!

So what the hell happened?

Izuku’s fatal flaw happened. This kid will move heaven and earth to help a friend. This kid genuinely wants to be a hero to help people and has the drive to do so.

But as soon as he faces a setback that makes him doubt himself, doubt his “worthiness” of being All Might’s successor, he offers to give up. He has no strong confidence or faith in himself.

We saw it after the Sports Festival before Toshinori told him he was quirkless too. We saw a bit of it before Toshinori told him he gave him the will to live again. (I fully expect a sit down conversation between them again in which they actually communicate because poor communication in stories to create unnecessary drama is such a pet peev of mine.)

So what triggers these downward spirals?

At the SF, it was losing to Todoroki despite helping him and freaking changing his life. Then it was the shock that there was a more experienced person being considered for One for All before him, and the doubt that followed him realizing All Might was keeping that information from him.

This time?

He blames himself for Nighteye’s death.

Let me pause here and clear something up. When I say self-centered and selfish, I mean it in two ways: 1) He is an immature kid still and in a way thinks the world revolves around himself in that the world is depending on him to save it. He is trying to take it all on his shoulders.* 2) He is incredibly analytical and this is the flaw of it. When he turns this critical eye inward, self-focusing, he only sees his flaws and perceived failures. That is an incredibly hard thing to deal with. (I know, I’m a perfectionist with severe anxiety, I know how harsh that inner eye is.) It can be paralyzing in the long run.

With that in mind, let’s continue.

Izuku feels guilt. Izuku is looking inward in this moment and only seeing his perceived failures, not his successes, not his growth. Izuku is too immature to properly deal with this sort of trauma without help. Izuku runs for an out by offering to give Mirio the quirk - to let the cup pass from him because he can’t deal in that moment.

“Take this quirk because I am overwhelmed by my feelings of guilt. I want to throw this responsibility at someone apparently more worthy because they wouldn’t make the same mistakes as me, right? I want this grief, this guilt, this regret to go away and the first thing I can think of to get rid of it is to give away this quirk.”

Thank God Mirio is more mature and so incredibly kind.

He sees that Izuku hasn’t thought this through. He points out that Izuku would be suffering in his place in that case. He doesn’t feed Izuku’s developing martyr complex.** For that, he deserves all the awards. Despite losing the mentor that he had grown so close to, despite losing his quirk, he still looks out for Izuku in a way that is not self centered. That is one of the differences maturity and experience make.

But, like I said. Izuku’s actions were hurtful. Izuku put Mirio in a situation where he was forced to comfort Izuku despite what he’s just suffered. Izuku didn’t see this because he was too wrapped up in his self deprecation he didn’t think about the outcome. Speaking of which...

Izuku didn’t think things through.

If he gives up OfA now, he can’t become a hero.

I personally believe that Mirio could still be a hero. He’s had the opportunity to be trained and proved he can fight without his quirk. We’ve seen a number of non-combat based quirk heroes, and we’ve seen that heroes have some pretty amazing tech.

Mirio could still manage it with the experience he has and some tech.

Izuku can’t.

He could probably fight a bit and outwit, but as he is now, he needs OfA to be a hero. And if he couldn’t be a hero? Then what? Then what? Hand in his provisional license? Drop out of school? Go back to before? Everything he’s worked for would be for nothing. If he took the time to slow down and actually think, he would see that. He’s a smart kid when he thinks before acting.

What about All Might’s choice?

Yes, Nighteye just died. Yes, he wanted Mirio to inherit OfA. But that was never Nighteye’s decision to make. Not his quirk, not his decision. I’m honestly still salty about this. He raised Mirio to be All Might 2.0 - all the power and charisma of All Might with the added benefit of not being touched (read: stabbed through the gut). Mirio was raised to be All Might’s mirror. Looks a bit like him, similar mannerisms and charisma, his body was already trained, ... and they both lost their quirk defending a girl in harms way. And they both lost their mentor.

The world never needed another All Might, but Nighteye didn’t see that.

Nighteye didn’t respect All Might’s decision to return to hero work, he didn’t respect All Might’s choice of successor. And in both cases he lashed out and said something incredibly hurtful. That All Might was fated to die. That Mirio should have inherited OfA. (I’m still salty as the Dead Sea. (ง'̀-'́)ง I will fight someone.)

Izuku - in his downward spiral - remembers his promise to All Might but offers the quirk anyway. He doesn’t believe in himself and by extension doesn’t believe in All Might’s choice to train him for 10 months and give him his quirk and his time and his devotion.***

Does... Does no one actually care what All Might thinks? (He has flaws and contributed to all this in a way but I’ll get to that in a second.) That his legacy is his to pass on? That he entrusted not only his own quirk but his predecessors’ quirk? That he’s a pretty damn good judge of character and to him Izuku has proved himself time and time and time again? Do his opinions, his thoughts mean nothing?

What about all the help and support he’s been given?

Izuku has made amazing friends and is an inspiration and driving force for his class. He saved Todoroki from his self-hatred, he saved Iida’s life, he inspires his class along with Bakugou, he is a driving force for Bakugou as well. He doesn’t hesitate to help others. But...

But... He thinks poorly of himself when he needs help. He is overly critical of himself when he reaches his natural limit. He is overly critical when he is given help. He’s gone beyond humble and into self deprecation and blaming himself for things he cannot control. It’s part of his fatal flaw. Perhaps borne from Aizawa’s necessary scolding at the beginning and Recovery Girl’s decision to not help extreme, self inflicted injuries. He brought those on himself, and they were necessary lessons and reminders that he has limits. But he takes them to the n-th degree when he criticizes himself.

The hypocrisy or paradox of this is he thinks no less of those he has helped, but does not apply that to himself. It is another kind of self-centered, critical thought that in his mind separates him from the others. It’s no good.

If he were to give away OfA, he would be throwing away all the help and support he has been given. You don’t do that, kid... You just don’t.

Izuku has a difficult fatal flaw, and if he isn’t careful he will end up like All Might.

All Might’s flaw that did him in was his drive for revenge against All for One for killing Nana. He caved to his flaw and was rewarded with the injury in his side and his forced, early retirement. The moment he stopped acting like a hero, he was punished by the narrative gods.

Izuku’s fatal flaw is his self doubt and lack of self confidence. He is overly critical of himself. He focuses on his perceived failures rather than his growth and successes. Despite this, he’s gotten off easy so far. He has been reassured by All Might twice. But had it been Aizawa listening in? What Izuku did there was so severe I believe Aizawa would have expelled him on the spot - or at least threatened to. Wishy-washy resolve doesn’t belong in a future hero. He urgently needs to address this.

How to address this:

I think we have another All Might and Izuku heart-to-heart serious talk coming.

When I saw this image of Toshinori, I thought perhaps he felt frustrated or betrayed by what he heard. He just lost one of his oldest friends. He probably feels helpless since this was the first big raid that he couldn’t assist - and the raid and following police escort resulted in hero fatalities. And then he hears Izuku - the boy that gave him his will to live, the boy he believes in, the boy he has grown close to in a father-son way, the boy that promised to stand by him and help twist fate so he isn’t murdered - offer to give OfA away. He must feel like everything is slipping out of his control, everything he has lived is changing. He looks like he is in turmoil.

@aoimikans had another take on the image. That All Might looked frustrated because he realizes he has neglected Izuku. Neglected to properly cultivate him and care for his mental well-being. And honestly, I am leaning toward this as well because he has shown that he is aware that the kids need to have their mental states cared for too (see: what he says to Aizawa after Izuku and Bakugou’s spat).

I think this will lead to another good talk during which Toshinori will hopefully address and start to mend Izuku’s fatal flaw. To get him to realize how much he’s grown (like the before and after picture on the beach). To see his successes whether or not they are perfect successes. To get him to realize it is okay to need help (USJ, the summer camp, Kamino). To hug him and tell him that he is proud to have him as his successor.**** That Izuku needs to have more confidence and faith in himself. To help him healthily deal with loss and trauma (okay, maybe not Toshinori’s forte). To support him as he is.

To take time to fix some of the flaws All Might contributed to: That Izuku doesn’t have to have the world on his shoulders from the get go. That he doesn’t have to take on responsibility for things out of his control. That he doesn’t need to be the next All Might, but needs to be himself - to do what he can as the hero Deku. To start chipping away at that martyr complex and self deprecating inward critical view of himself. So that the next time there is a setback, Izuku doesn’t go through the same damn motions and stunt his growth.

My frustration

Honestly, the fact that Izuku keeps falling back into this same pattern without learning from it is really frustrating because dang it, he’s such a good kid and tries so hard. He just needs to have an ounce of faith in himself. Screw being “worthy” of One for All. Gran Torino was right, Izuku still sees it as more special than it is and that shackles him. He is a hero because of who he is and has grown into. One for All helped, but it is a tool, not anything sacred.

tldr: *inhale* BOI

* A flaw in All Might’s teaching that by God needs to be addressed damn it.

** All Might... talk to your son about this.

*** Mufasa voice: “You have forgotten who you are, and so forgotten me.”

**** I need quality Dad Might moments like I need water.

#bnha #mha #izuku midoriya #all might #toshinori yagi #mirio togata #nighteye #boku no hero academia #my hero academia #chapter 162 #spoilers #I just have a lot of feelings you know?#I spent 3-4 hours on this post alone...#aoimikans #swiftwidget

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