If it’s okay, can you do Alastor x Reader where Alastor catches you relapsing after a fight with him? If it’s too much, you don’t have to do it. Just wanted some comfort for what I’m going through. You’re also a very good writer! Keep up the great work! xx

Hey anon - I hope you are doing well. I couldn't let this one sit too long in my inbox... Whatever you are going through: I hope this will help you with a bit of comfort. (I do hope I didn't misinterpret your ask...) I send you the biggest hug, my dearest! <3 TW:Self Harm,Depression,Angst - Minors DNI - 1.3k words

You were doing so well. So, so well.

Arguments with Alastor occurred from time to time, but you had done so well in not letting them become full-blown fights. His rationale and your restraint had always managed to hold the worst at bay and settle any troubles with a few deep breaths, calm words and a compromise. It was something you were hugely proud of, something you had never been able to do before, and with him - you finally seemed to manage.

But now, after a tirade of harsh words, hurtful remarks and slammed doors you are alone in your room, curled up in a bed that feels much too big and streaks of cold tears on your cheeks. Immediately after you stormed out Alastor's radio tower you regretted your tone, regretted what you said, the way you got irrationally upset and how you provoked him - just to hurt him. You were unfair, cruel even, and the worst part was you didn't mean a single thing you said in the heat of the argument. Of course, Alastor said some choice words to you too, nasty things said in cold calmness, but only in reaction to your emotionally charged onslaught. And it didn't change the fact that you had done him wrong, over a fucking triviality that spun out of control.

It doesn't change the fact that the feelings and thoughts you feared slowly return, thoughts of your inadequacy, your worthlessness, your shortcomings all coming back into your head in one big punch of guilt and insecurity. Spiraling, you feel yourself getting more and more tense, like a pressure cooker without a valve, ready to burst. Your chest hurts - no, everything hurts: Your chest, your arms, your head, your heart.

You had done so well.

But you are desperate, panicked - you've pushed the one person away that was able to ground you, the only one that could make you feel safe and strong enough to withstand this urge, this need to hurt, to release. You bury your nails in your thigh, but it is far from enough. He must hate you now, and could you blame him? No, no you couldn't, and you push yourself off the bed, almost frantic.

Release, release, release - where is it? The shame you hid when you first moved into the hotel, the valve you had used so often to momentarily drain yourself from this burdening pain, the tool you had to use because you weren't reborn in hell with the fortune of sharp talons.

The loose floorboard creaks under your erratic steps. Ah. There. Hidden under your feet, untouched for so long. You start to cry again as you kneel down, lifting the panel. You feel like a failure.

Sorry, I am so sorry, your head chants as you reach for it with trembling hands, please just let it be a little less, just a tiny, little...

"Darling..."

You freeze. His voice is quiet, tune- and toneless echoing from behind you. It sends a new shiver through your tense, quivering body. Your hand hovers over the small object but you can't move it away, eyes squeezed shut in defeat. Your brain races, thinking of anything to say but coming up empty.

"My sweetling, whatever you're looking for under there...", he continues slowly, softly, each step of his dressing shoes against the parquet resounding painfully loud in your ears. You're so mortified by him catching you in the act that the tight coil in you seems ready to snap. "...will not do you any good."

He halts when when he is next to you, kneeling down. You feel his shoulder brush your back as he lays a clawed hand on yours and gently pulls it away from the hole in the floor. Your shoulders begin to shake with ragged sobs and his tender touch on your cheek prompts you to tilt your head, face hot, and to look him into his eyes that seem both understanding and sad.

"Harming yourself will only make you hate yourself more than you regrettably already do."

You try to breathe, but fail miserably, choking on the air around you. How could you justify what you were about to do, how could you hurt him again like this, with this action, with this thoughts, after everything you both have worked for? You had done so well - Why didn't you have it more under control, like you should?

"I'm sorry, A-Alastor... I'm sorry, s-so sorry, please..."

He pulls you into him, his arms wrapping around you in a tight, steady embrace. One hand comes up, stroking your hair in tender movements, shushing you quietly as he lets you sob into his shoulder. The longer he holds you the easier it gets to draw deep breathes, until you finally manage to draw in the air that your body lacked so much. With each rise and fall of your chest, you feel a tiny bit of the panic fade, as if his soothing static draws it out in humble waves, soft and soothing around and inside you.

"I know, darling...", Alastor murmurs, kissing the top of your head and tightening his hold, "It's all long forgiven already."

A shattered sigh escapes you. How could he do all this for you? Accept you, with all the flaws and mistakes and shortcomings? How can he forgive you with such gentle ease? And still care for you, despite and including it all, why? How?

"Please don't hate me..."

He only loosens his grip when you stop trembling, carefully taking your chin between his claws, prompting you to break the chain of self-degrading thoughts and silencing the whispers in your head as he locks his eyes on yours.

"I could never, darling, even if I tried. But you need to understand: You are fighting the most vicious and cruel enemy there is, my love.", his face is void of the smirk he often wore, the one he doesn't use to tease or ridicule, or mock, it's his serious smile. The one he wears when he's about to be blunt. "Yourself."

A sudden rush of fresh tears cloud your vision. He's right, you know he is - you have always been your own worst enemy. Never giving yourself a fighting chance, the help and care you didn't feel you deserve. It felt so tiring, hopeless, in these moments where you fell victim to your weakness and turned it all onto yourself.

"I'm... so weak."

"We all have our battles. And this happens to be one you exhausted yourself to win on your own. However...", he offers you a sweet smile, taking your hand, "...it's a battle you don't have to fight alone anymore."

He takes your face into one of his large hands - the warmth of his palm is soothing against the rawed skin of your cold cheek as you instinctively lean into it, chasing the gentleness of the touch. The smile he gives you is more serious than you've ever seen before, and he lifts his other hand, waving his fingers for a split second in the corner of your eyes - the loose floorboard squeaks as it magically sets itself back into its place and seals itself with the flooring, eliminating the option of taking it off again. Alastor sighs, tilting his head to recapture your gaze.

"Whatever angry words are exchanged and however vexed we might be with each other... please, my love, let me hold you together in my arms when you threaten to fall apart like this."

How long he held you in his arms that night, settled in your bed instead of his as you usually did - you didn't know. How many soothing touches he planted on your body – you didn't count. All that mattered were the soft kisses that he pressed on your cheeks, the way he held your hand, fingers entwined with yours, and the soothing words he repeated to you, over and over like a mantra.

"You are doing well, my love."

I thought about how you could use healer kid whose name I forgot (sorry --Galli??) talent to make stones look like gems. Legal ways to make a bit of money. And I thought of performance costumes. Even non dancer MCs have contact with the Silken Sands, I bet. And having costumes with real gems might just invite unwanted attention, protection or not. but if you have the performance costumes adorned with just stones? they're worthless to steal, but you could make them look like gems for the performance itself a couple hours every evening or for however long the enchantment lasts. Likewise if you do want to scam gem merchants (it would only work once, probably, but some are maybe just visiting? do keep track of which ones you approached at least, since they talk to each other) and you mix pretty, normal and worthless stones with gems, make it seem like an inheritance that you can't acclaim and sell it to the merchant whole.. instead of believing the gems turned into stones, if there were normal stones in there to begin with they might think someone messed with the inventory instead or something similar. Mix in a couple low quality real gems, to confuse the issue and it becomes a matter of ratio not whether the gems were real in the first place. And I feel like higher end jewelers might know something about fake gems and have protection measures in place. So it'd be middle tier merchants and smaller one time profits (but still profits). Or stupid proud nobles, who'd rather swallow the loss than admit they've been scammed by super ostentatious low price ornaments full of sparkly gems they could get for cheap bc the stupid merchant fell in love with them or they were so clever at haggling. Or just entertained enough to never check the ornament again anyway, bc it was never about that. One more use could be an appraisal scam of sorts, where people bid money on whether a stone is a dud or not. Rule number one though, never show Galli's face, since they're too memorable! Another possible use is to steal real gems and leave the fakes in place so it isn't discovered until way later. So yes. I thought about the applications a little. It was just an immediate throwaway line by MC, but I think that meant they already had a plan or two half formed about that. Still need to gauge what healer kid (or not a kid, but not that old yet, either) would be comfortable with. Scamming already struggling low tier merchants might just be too mean.

Charcoal, I always love reading and re-reading your asks and comments because they're always so insightful!

You're not wrong about being able to incorporate Galen/Gally into your plans. Especially with his new friendship with Asfia. But first you'll have to learn a little more about him.

whumper: You do not deserve my kindness.

me: 👀

whumper: You have not earned my kindness yet.

me:

People are allowed to dislike you - even hate you, and sometimes, it won't be because of things you can change. That's hard, I know, but you wanna know a secret? The inverse is also true. People are allowed to like you - love you, even, for just being here. And you wanna know something else? Even if somebody disliked you, that doesn't say anything about your worth. Your value isn't determined on how many people love you.

🐰🌧️

What was iroh’s wife like

Too good for Iroh.

I was fourteen when Iroh got married. His wife was the perfect princess, strict, strong, loyal and intelligent. Not the kind of princess who tries to send secret intimate letters to stinky peasants behind her prince and husband's back, but Iroh never appreciated his privileges.

She was so strong and proper that she could afford to be kind. No one could resist her charm. Everyone wanted to please her, she had a curious effect on people. My father was very nice to her, too (because, of course, she never sneezed into the portrait of his dead wife, unlike his other daughter-in-law), and for a while he was in a better mood, even around me. She was even nice to me too, probably because she knew that even at such a young age I already held immense power and deserved the recognition of a proper prince. She used to ask me to show her my best firebending moves. Maybe that's what it feels like to have a mother.

When she died, Iroh, Lu Ten, and my father got through it together. Losing his wife made Iroh and my father even closer, and there was a new kind of understanding between them. And as before, the two forgot about me again. Of all the stupid things Iroh has done in his life, letting his wife die must have been the worst. I don't think I ever forgave him.

a little evil i indulge in everyday is being the most condescending leftist possible that my extremely right wing mother, unable to respond to my accurate political remarks with any comeback whatsoever (bec she doesn't read & her political beliefs are 'i'm a muslim') snaps at me like "how DARE you talk to your own mother that way? i did NOT raise you to be a TRAITOR against your own state!"

whats the point of leftist praxis if youre just going to be mean and cynical to everyone. literally if your politics aren’t grounded in Being Kind they are worthless to me. personally i dont want subsidized healthcare and fair wages because i read that theyre Correct in a book somewhere. i just think its a dick move to have a world where people cant afford to live. conservatism isnt Mean because it’s Bad, it’s Bad because it’s Mean.

i was with you when you talked about wanting to read fanfics written by authors who read books, before you clarified you only meant Important Classic Literature™️… it’s fine if you want to read those influences in stories but it’s a bit narrow-minded to only consider those to be good literature worthy of being influenced by, don’t you think?

because me saying "no, exclusively reading erotic roleplay doesn't count" when i say i want to read fic by people who actually read books, definitely means "classic lit is the only literature worth being influenced by". come on. 2 of the 4 writers i mentioned aren't even classic authors

like I’m literally the only one of your fucking children who's on unambiguously good terms with you despite all of the shit you put me through as a child (that I’m sure you either conveniently ~don’t remember~ even though I know that you could write a detailed novel about every time I’ve ever fucked up or you Don’t Think Was Bad) and I was literally the only one of us who’s consistently shown you support and kindness during the past ten years and ever since you’ve moved in with us (because YOU couldn’t afford to pay rent) I’ve been nothing but understanding and I haven’t protested or complained Once about it and have ensured you multiple times that you aren’t being invasive and etc and I’m the Only One Of Us who kept in touch with you and told you good night while you were in the hospital and when my sister was being verbally abusive to you I gave you a fucking shoulder to cry on every single time and denounced her over and over again and not to mention I was literally The Only One Of Us who willingly volunteered to go on a special boat cruise with you on your 50th birthday (despite the fact that being away from home overnight makes me anxious and you Know it does) but yeah you go ahead and just keep on ignoring that and fixating on everything I’m Not doing right and telling me how I Don’t Actually Love You (and don’t say that you never said that shit because that’s all “You’re Not Giving Me The Love I Give You” could possibly mean.) And How Miserable I Make You (and don’t say you didn’t say that shit either!!) or w/e and keep on lumping me in with someone who literally threatened you and called you a broke bitch and a hoe!!!! whatever fucking makes you feel better!!!!!!

also re: that last post i reblogged i think back to when i was on deviantart as a kid and since the entry bar for that site was so low you'd get a lot of children and extremely amateur artists who didn't really know how to use anything other than the circle tool in ms paint and if there's one thing i learned from spending so much time on there it's that people will take the time to steal or edit your work regardless of your perceived skill level because to them it's the best thing ever made, and there's a lot of people who would pretend to be an art thief with stolen and edited work not only to undermine someone else's time and effort, but to explicitly make fun of them for the content of their work (early 2010s, so punching down at children having fun online was a legitimate pastime for a lot of people) and it's a reminder for literally anyone considering posting their art online that it doesn't matter what you're doing or how "good" someone thinks your art is that you lose absolutely nothing by doing anything you can to protect it. "nobody's ever going to steal that" isn't justified given that even if someone doesn't think it's good enough to lift, someone is going to think it's bad enough to make fun of through the avenue of "ironic" art theft and that's just as fucking awful

might close commissions soon bc i'm not as desperate for money anymore and no one's ever been interested in paying any amount of money for my art anyway LOL (where my other Completely Unmarketable homies at? LMAO) but artist friends are always always always allowed to ask me for art trades!! i'll draw one of your characters, you draw one of mine, hmu. i love drawing people's ocs it's so fun <3 <3 <3 my art blog is @angelnumber130 if you want examples of my work ALSO here's some sketches i'm currently working on, if you want more recent stuff

arguing with zionists is fucking worthless bc they only choose to acknowledge every fifth word you say, i told my sister "as a person of jewish descend i think its disgusting that israel is wants to associate all jewish people with its actions and they dont speak for jewish people, they speak for european colonizers" and she said "so you're saying all jewish people are european colonizers" no bitch, thats a whole different sentence, what the fuck are you talking abt

EDIT:

since some people are hung up on that part, no i didnt use my jewish descent against my sister, she used hers against me and i reminded her that im just as much of jewish descent as she is. this made sense to me from context as i was making the post, but in hindsight it obviously doesn't so thats my bad

also for all that u guys knew she couldve been my adoptive sister or stepsister or hals sister (which she is but we share the jewish descent)

hello, can you please genome this:

"Based"? Are you fucking kidding me? I spent a decent portion of my life writing all of that and your response to me is "Based"? Are you so mentally handicapped that the only word you can comprehend is "Based" - or are you just some fucking asshole who thinks that with such a short response, he can make a statement about how meaningless what was written was? Well, I'll have you know that what I wrote was NOT meaningless, in fact, I even had my written work proof-read by several professors of literature. Don't believe me? I doubt you would, and your response to this will probably be "Based" once again. Do I give a fuck? No, does it look like I give even the slightest fuck about five fucking letters? I bet you took the time to type those five letters too, I bet you sat there and chuckled to yourself for 20 hearty seconds before pressing "send". You're so fucking pathetic. I'm honestly considering directing you to a psychiatrist, but I'm simply far too nice to do something like that. You, however, will go out of your way to make a fool out of someone by responding to a well-thought-out, intelligent, or humorous statement that probably took longer to write than you can last in bed with a chimpanzee. What do I have to say to you? Absolutely nothing. I couldn't be bothered to respond to such a worthless attempt at a response. Do you want "Based" on your gravestone?

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Closest match: Danio rerio genome assembly, chromosome: 9 Common name: Zebrafish

Down the parsed dialogue rabbit hole again, this time looking at Ethel's Vicious Mockery lines for all the characters, and goddamn, they are brutal.

ASTARION You're one thirsty night away from betraying everyone. Deep down, you like being leashed, don't you? Is there still rat stuck in your teeth, slave?

GALE I can smell what's under those bandages, wizard. You're all rot and ruin. Come to greet death early? You'll be a lovely spectacle. Who would be jealous of you, apprentice?

KARLACH Let's pull your strings, infernal puppet. Happy to sell everyone's soul but your own, aren't you? When I'm done, even the Hells won't want you.

LAE'ZEL Your people will never take you back - illithid scum. Do you miss kissing Vlaakith's feet, gith? A toad with a tadpole! How fitting.

MINSC How quaint! The hamster has a pet. Only evil here is what's inside you, ranger. Go rub your rat, soft-skull.

SHADOWHEART You're so far up Shar's cake you can't see straight. Pathetic. Why would Shar love you when no one else does? You're no complex puzzle. Just a sad little girl.

WYLL Do you think losing that eye made you a hero? Oh, look! It's daddy's regret. Fraud of the Frontiers!

DRAGONBORN Aww, where's your clan? Bet they'd exile you for that brainworm in a blink. Bet that honour of yours shatters easy as your scales. You foul-breathed little lizard!

DWARF No flabby dwarf's a threat to me. More beard than brains, the lot of you. Bet you'd trade your friends for a trinket or two, gold-eater!

DWARF (DUERGAR) Bow your head, slave. You remember how, don't you? Grey and useless as a stone comb. I'll squeeze that stone heart until it bleeds, dwarf. Need a new master, illithid lover?

ELF Fancy yourself immortal? We'll see how long that lasts. I'll show you what a true fey does, dearie. Elves are so pretty. Pretty worthless!

ELF (DROW - FEMALE) Filthy underscum! Just another of Lolth's pretty harlots. Slaver. Sadist. How dare you judge me?

ELF (DROW - MALE) Bare your throat, spider-bait. Kneel, boy. Just like the matriarchs taught you to. Bow to your betters, boy.

GNOME Disgusting burrow rat. Bet your clan's happy you're gone! Try laughing after I rip your throat out, gnome.

HALF-ELF I wonder which parent regrets you more, half-breed. How revolting. Another thin-blooded mongrel. Half-elf. Half-human. All useless.

HALF-ELF (DROW) Even the Underdark doesn't want you, half-breed. A half-drow? How grotesque. Surprised you show yourself in public, abomination.

HALF-ORC Come now, tusks-for-brains! Doesn't this make you angry? All that bloodlust. A little tap, and I bet you won't know friend from foe! Lumbering half-orc. Twice as ugly as your parents combined!

HALFLING Come closer, little softie. You'll be tender. A tiny, sweet morsel. Just for me.

HUMAN Another human rat infesting Faerûn. A human! So desperate to be special. Pity. That tadpole actually made you interesting.

TIEFLING I'll burn you alive and everyone will celebrate. You're everyone's punching bag and no one's favourite. I see the Hells spit out another tragic little tiefling.