ever since I saw the conversation between steve and aunt deb in 5x08 it's been on my mind. there are some definite parallels between steve and his aunt, like the fact that they have musical talent but weren't able to pursue it, they never had children of their own but they both have children they help raise that they love like their own, and they spent a long time not having that special person to call their own but once they did find that person they immediately wanted to spend the rest of their lives with them. but this bit is the one that caught my attention

aunt deb: the one thing I never gave up on was love. And I guess it never gave up on me either because HERE HE IS at long last.

steve:

i think we all have a pretty good idea which HE steve is thinking about, he even lets out a wistful frustrated long 'Eeh' sigh which is like the verbal equivalent of throwing in the towel.

his patented danny-smile makes a brief appearance, the very same one he bestowed on him just earlier today. even if the pronouns didn't conveniently match, there's only one person who makes him smile like that so I don't doubt that's whom he's thinking about in that moment. danny is, to use deb's words, steve's 'most profound and life altering' relationship, that's as good as canon.

here comes the saddest part

let the records show that up until this point cath's name does not come up at all and obviously she's not in the episode (unlike danny who is steve's date to the wedding), aunt deb is the one who brings her up because she assumes, like many people in steve's life.

just like the writers want us to think his wistfulness is about cath but steve is never the one to bring her up, other people do it, he just lets them assume in that way closeted queer people do so we aren't technically lying. he never lied he just doesn't correct people. besides it's pretty obvious he doesn't miss cath when danny is around, even she knew he would be okay without her because he has danny.

for steve it's less embarrassing to let it seem like he's pining after the one that got away rather than admit he's been in love with his best friend for years with no hope of anything coming out of that situation. he was hopeful once and we know how that turned out. 'i did' with the subtext of 'never again'.

one of my greatest pet peeves in fiction, and it is truly stupid I know, is that no one seems to understand how genuinely hard it is to kill someone via stabbing. stab wounds have a mortality rate of like 5%. especially abdominal stabbing. tv shows and movies show dudes getting stabbed one time in the lower abdomen with a tiny knife and then they fall over. like what did he die of precisely. that man died of Small Knife

because sometimes there are invisible tests and invisible rules and you're just supposed to ... know the rule. someone you thought of as a friend asks you for book recommendations, so you give her a list of like 30 books, each with a brief blurb and why you like it. later, you find out she screenshotted the list and send it out to a group chat with the note: what an absolute freak can you believe this. you saw the responses: emojis where people are rolling over laughing. too much and obsessive and actually kind of creepy in the comments. you thought you'd been doing the right thing. she'd asked, right? an invisible rule: this is what happens when you get too excited.

you aren't supposed to laugh at your own jokes, so you don't, but then you're too serious. you're not supposed to be too loud, but then people say you're too quiet. you aren't supposed to get passionate about things, but then you're shy, boring. you aren't supposed to talk too much, but then people are mad when you're not good at replying.

you fold yourself into a prettier paper crane. since you never know what is "selfish" and what is "charity," you give yourself over, fully. you'd rather be empty and over-generous - you'd rather eat your own boundaries than have even one person believe that you're mean. since you don't know what the thing is that will make them hate you, you simply scrub yourself clean of any form of roughness. if you are perfect and smiling and funny, they can love you. if you are always there for them and never admit what's happening and never mention your past and never make them uncomfortable - you can make up for it. you can earn it.

don't fuck up. they're all testing you, always. they're tolerating you. whatever secret club happened, over a summer somewhere - during some activity you didn't get to attend - everyone else just... figured it out. like they got some kind of award or examination that allowed them to know how-to-be-normal. how to fit. and for the rest of your life, you've been playing catch-up. you've been trying to prove that - haha! you get it! that the joke they're telling, the people they are, the manual they got- yeah, you've totally read it.

if you can just divide yourself in two - the lovable one, and the one that is you - you can do this. you can walk the line. they can laugh and accept you. if you are always-balanced, never burdensome, a delight to have in class, champagne and glittering and never gawky or florescent or god-forbid cringe: you can get away with it.

you stare at your therapist, whom you can make jokes with, and who laughs at your jokes, because you are so fucking good at people-pleasing. you smile at her, and she asks you how you're doing, and you automatically say i'm good, thanks, how are you? while the answer swims somewhere in your little lizard brain:

how long have you been doing this now? mastering the art of your body and mind like you're piloting a puppet. has it worked? what do you mean that all you feel is... just exhausted. pick yourself up, the tightrope has no net. after all, you're cheating, somehow, but nobody seems to know you actually flunked the test. it's working!

aren't you happy yet?

"haha these alpha trad men really just have dom/sub kinks!" i know misogyny isn't real to a lot of you guys but did you know that some people just actually do genuinely think women are inferior creatures

do u ever walk from a social interaction like damn. this is why i keep my mouth shut most of the time

my heart's full to the brim w the joy of loving btw. i'll die one day but also i won't. on account of the love.

“How is 12 year old Annabeth head of the Athena cabin??”

1. Demi gods have the life expectancy of a lemming.

2. Gifted kids often burn out by age 16 & I doubt any of the Athena teens have the energy or desire to argue with their little sister who willingly takes care of all the family paperwork.

good games i've played on itchio lately:

please tell me you love me - chat with your guild members for the last time before the game's servers are shut down

GIRLKILLER (covet) - there is a girl who looks like you, and today you're going to kill her

cover me in leaves - stuck in your small hometown, you get your first tattoo. and then a few more, and more, and more

don't rock the boat - play through the different perspectives of a women's crew team as they are stalked by something in the water

GUTLESS - you are the captain of a deep sea vessel. your mission doesn't go well

so, about last night... - you wake up sick and weirdly hungry after hooking up with someone at a party. you spend the next night trying to find her.

close the window, my love - short bitsy poem about closing the window. sound on! this creator has a lot of short bitsy works i recommend.

there is a beautiful star - just a short, cute side scroller. lots of short, lighthearted games from them, definitely recommend for a mood booster.

photography by @runaround_hound!

Eurydice to Orpheus • Nov. 2023

eurydice’s silence is resounding. you can put anything in that emptiness. —@finelythreadedsky

ur getting thinner , while she’s getting fatter & doesn’t even realize it.. keep going it’ll be worth it i swear.

PEDRO PASCAL 30th Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards (February 24, 2024)

You really think she’s your girl. My brother in Christ she’s up in here every night twirling her hair and kicking her feet to the raunchiest “x reader” COD smut on the planet.

etheral sp° (kinda)

all pics from 📌terest

(dm for credit or removal)