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fandomfluffandfuck · 10 days

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I've always had a thought of Pornstar au with Stucky but I never have enough time to write one, mainly bcs the words won't come out and i fucking hate myself sooooooo

I'll just punch my idea here for you bcs so suddenly, I can't stop thinking of Pornstar!Seb HAHAHAHA but I'll stick with my original idea of STUCKY instead of Evanstan although I do love those two idiots AHJSSJJE

Right uhm, anyways, this prompt started off with well, porn, obviously bcs I'm a budding artist who wants to practice nsfw stuff (ehem😌😌) and the first place I went to for pose references were Porn sites

I was hit with sudden inspiration out of nowhere when I got reminded that Steve was a fucking artist SJIDHEIJEUR my mind is then consumed by the idea of one Steve Rogers, scrolling through a porn site looking for pose references when he stumbles into a single account

It's nothing special to be honest but what catches his eye is the full sleeve tattoo on the stars left arm. Curious, Steve checks the account out and discovers Winter_Soldier who's got quite the following. Steve is immediately enthralled at the sight of the man and his silky brown hair, the only thing visible about his face being his bright steel blue eyes. Winter is thicc, chest big enough you could fuck a dick between it and a pair of thighs Steve's sure enough could crush a water melonn NGHHHH don't even get Steve started with his dick, a pretty thing thats anything but little

Bucky might like to bottom but he could fuck if he wants, those sessions where he'd bring another pornstar over for a joint video and he'd practically fuck them to the mattress. Steve salivates at the thought of getting bedded by Bucky, brain just gone at the idea of having Bucky spread on his bed for him to take or of Bucky between his legs, ready to fuck him stupid

He's so adventurous too, his videos containing multiple angles of him fucking his thick ass onto an equally thick dildo, voice slightly muffled from behind the mask but still loud enough that Steve could pick up his mewling ramblings. Winter has a seductive voice that melts to a whine whenever he's got something in him and What's supposed to be Steve looking for pose references and practicing his anatomy's ends up with him furiously jerking off to this gorgeous man

Steve has never seen someone so enticing before, the way Winters body would curve and bend, slick hole making way for the thick dildos he liked to shove in. He fucks and liked to talk, his god given voice rumbly as he spoke to his audiences, taking requests or just simply dirty talking GOOD LORD AJDHWJRHRJJEEJ Steve can't take his eyes off the monitor and his hand off his dick, eyes always coming back to the intricate robot like design of Winters left arm

Somehow, Steve manages to finish his practice but not before he nearly bled himself dry with how much he jerked off. His sketch book suddenly filled with a brown haired masked pornstar. Some hour later, he stumbles out of his room and into the shared kitchen of the dorm he's renting. He nearly trips when he finds his roommate James cooking some dinner

He's been rooming with James for nearly a year now but they're not really close (yet). In Steve's opinion, he's too pretty for his own good and Steve can never talk straight or properly whenever James is the one he's conversing with. James is very sweet though (he told Steve he could call him Bucky bcs that's what his friends call him), voice soft and always drowning in the oversized hoodie he favours. He's not small by any means, with a wider set of shoulder than Steve but he's definitely shorter by a couple of inches.

Steve's always ogling at Bucky whenever he could and he always thinks that his hair is pretty but a detail catches Steve's eyes with how he tied his hair in a messy bun as he cooked. It looked similar with... Steve freezes on the spot, staring at Bucky like an idiot. There's no way right?? It must be just a coincidence!!

Instinctively, Steve's gaze falls onto Bucky's left arm, covered with the long sleeves of his hoodie. Steve has never seen Bucky with his clothing off or just a simple sleeveless outfit and Winter did have a few tattoos, the most prominent one was the full sleeve on his left arm... Steve shakes himself. His roommate can't be the pornstar he's suddenly addicted to, that's just rude to assume

When Bucky calls him to share the dinner, steel blue eyes curved in a somewhat familiar smile, Steve's throat dries and he doesn't know if he hates or loves the possibility of his absurd idea

In the end though, it's not him who makes the official discovery. Instead, it's Bucky who makes the reveal when he finds one of Steve's sketchbook laying around, filled with sketches and practice of a familiar brown haired star in different positions and angles

Steve's all bashful at being caught with his 18+ content and Bucky practically drills his new obsession out of him with a glint in his eyes. When Steve confesses the fact that he's been having fantasies about Winter and woke up every morning with a boner, religiously coming to check Winters account for updates or live sessions, Bucky practically grins like the cat who got the cream, the shy facade giving away to Steve's dirtiest dream

"So you like my voice huh?" Bucky murmurs where he's coiled like a snake on the couch, his eyes going lidded as his voice dropped a few octaves. Steve is frozen at the other end of the couch, surprise and something else shimmering in his guts

"Tell me, Steve.. Do you keep coming back to my account because I provide you with good practice material or is it because I turn you on?" Bucky practically purred, uncoiling and starting to crawl his way to Steve. Considering that their couch isn't that big and neither of them are small, Steve suddenly has his dreams on his lap

"I just needed practice," he weakly says and Bucky's lips curve into a smirk that would follow Steve to his dreams, face finally full with his bright eyes. Ever so slowly, Bucky leans until he's got his lips straight to Steve's ear, squirming on his laps and arms around his neck

"I could give you a live modelling session," he whispers, breath hot against Steve's flushed skin. He shivers and Bucky's next words makes his hand come up to Bucky's waist to squeeze tightly.

"And if you want a live demonstration with yourself included.. well, I can give you that too."

AHAHAHAH I don't know what to do with this prompt but plssss it's been haunting me (HAH), anyways, tis just a tease but they basically fuck (obviously 🙄🙄) and we can have the dynamic of Bucky happily expanding Steves sexual experiences and Steve happily allowing Bucky to expand his sexual experiences SKWJJEJEJE

-🫠🫠

related to this

I feel that, words are hard, but don't downplay what you have because what you have FUCKS!!

Also, I love that. Sometimes you gotta go to the source for references 👀 I get it. That is SUCH a great idea, though! I fuck with that so hard! Artist!Steve looking for inspiration and stumbling onto pornstar Bucky... 😮‍💨😮‍💨

And pornstar Bucky, who's thick with INK?

Kill me. Oh, wait, you already have!

Jesusss.

He's a switch, too? I'm salivating. The mask?? The whimpering? I'm being murdered! 😫 WOOF he does sound so damn enticing. Fuck.

THE PLOT THICKENS!

Roommates??

I do not have words. Brain scrambled. Useless. I am fucking obsessed with the idea of Steve going from avid consumer of Bucky's pornography to being a part of it. Living his fantasy. Actually.

Yes!! I would love to see this written because imagine all the shit they could get into! All the kinks they could explore (especially exhibitionism, getting off to being watched). All the toys that I'm sure Bucky has. Expanding on how it comes out, too, would be so good. Draw it out. Build it up. Does Steve catch him shooting porn when he's supposed to be out? Is it not confirmed like that? When does Steve see him without long-sleeves on for the first time? Is it in private? Is it in public, and he has to act normal? Does Bucky make Steve stutter through it and ask himself if he does porn, by chance, or does Bucky easily handle it, grinning and nonchalantly confirming it? Plus, building up to Steve's first time on camera would be killer. His nerves and excitement and then his embarrassment when he gets on camera and he's so revved up that he cums so fast.

God.

You could go so many ways!

Either way, written or not, this AU is going to live rent-free in my head because 🤌🏻yes🤌🏻

Imagine all the "roommate walked in on me" fantasy porn they could shoot 😮‍💨😮‍💨

#asks #🫠🫠 anon #anon provided writing #bucky barnes #steve rogers #stucky

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forever-fixating · 2 months

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WIP Wednesday

I was tagged by @onthewaytosomewhere. This week I'm sharing a one-shot I've been working on. I was possessed by the demon that is Nicholas Galitzine who bombarded my poor fangirl heart with both Mary & George and The Idea of You trailer. I haven't been the same since, and I refuse to admit just how many times I've listened to that fucking song. (Spoiler alert: it's a lot.)

Anywho, I was inspired by that kiss in the trailer (Anne, Nick, I am just a simple bisexual person. You can't just DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT and expect me to have a normal response!!!) and the wonderful story Clean Slate by smc_27 on AO3 and of course, my fandom bestie @priincebutt The Story of Us to add my own popstar age-gap AU into the mix. I hope you enjoy this nonsense as much as I enjoy writing it. Should be ready soon. Toodles!

The band joined them twenty minutes later, and Alex announced, “I am starving. Are you ladies hungry?”

Henry stood as the girls giggled and nodded. They followed behind as the group headed outside to a large black SUV. The girls joined June and Nora in the middle section, and Alex grinned, “Guess you’re stuck in the back with me, Uncle Henry.”

Henry rolled his eyes as Cash opened the door for them. “Henry is fine, thanks.”

“Yes, he is.”

Henry’s heart skipped several beats as he climbed inside the SUV. Was this man hitting on him? He suddenly felt flushed and tugged off Pez’s jacket, trying to calm his racing heart and mind. He scooted against the other door for some distance, only for Alex to move to the center of the seat, their knees grazing each other. Henry, grasping for any semblance of control, called out, “Seat belts, girls!”

June and Nora turned to look at him, and June said, “They’re all buckled up. My mom drilled that into me and Alex’s brains growing up.”

“You two look cozy,” Nora said with a smirk.

Henry gave a nervous chuckle and said, “I’m just happy to be somewhere quieter. I don’t know how you all do it night after night.”

“I thrive on it,” Alex replied, leaning back into the plush leather seats. He looked at Henry through eyelashes that didn’t seem real outside of fiction. “Doesn’t matter if it’s ten people or ten thousand…being surrounded by a sea of people all there to see you. It’s out of this world.”

Henry relaxed into his seat as they pulled away from the stadium, Alex’s cologne filling his senses. It was spice, leather, and a hint of something floral—pure intoxication. The girls chattered in front, and Alex asked, turning his body toward Henry, “So what do you do when you’re not busy being the best uncle ever?”

Henry shrugged, looking down at his hands holding the leather jacket. “My life is quite dull. I volunteer at a youth shelter, help my best mate at his art gallery, and write.”

“Oh? Anything I’ve read?”

Henry hesitated. It wasn’t that he was embarrassed by his work. He had it on good authority that, past the smutty allure, his fans genuinely connected with the characters of his books. But the subject matter was decidedly graphic and not something he wanted to discuss around his twelve-year-old nieces. Finally looking at Alex again, he said dismissively, “Probably not. I write for myself and a small but passionate audience.”

Alex was undeterred. “Try me. I read constantly, especially when I’m on tour. If anything, it will give me something new.”

“Fine,” Henry replied, rolling his eyes. “My most popular series is probably Dark Olympus. As a queer teen, I was obsessed with Greek mythology and-”

“Wait,” Alex said suddenly, his eyes widening, “you’re George St. James?”

It was Henry’s turn to be surprised. “Wait, are you seriously saying you read that series?”

“Dude, I’ve read everything you’ve ever written, even the straight stuff! The Beast was part of my bisexual awakening!” Alex exclaimed. He leaned forward, smacking the back of the seat, and said, “Nora, June! This guy is George St. James.”

The two women spun around, June saying, “No way! Oh my God, I just finished rereading Blood on the Tide from your Crimson Sails series. I’m obsessed! Please tell me you’re working on another book soon because I need it like yesterday.”

“Seriously,” Nora seconded, her curls bouncing as she nodded. “We’ll give you whatever you want if you give us advanced copies.”

Henry must be in a coma, and this was some bizarre dream his drug-addled mind conjured before his siblings pulled the plug. How else could he be sitting in an SUV with one of the most popular bands in the country, who are apparently fans of his books? Penelope and Grace turned their heads as well, Grace giggling, “Are you talking about Uncle Henry’s smutty books? Our mum says we aren’t allowed to read them.”

“With good reason,” Henry said sternly, looking at his bemused nieces. He returned his attention to the trio and said, baffled, “I’ll get with my agent? God, this is so bizarre. I can’t believe you’ve read my books.”

“It’s all Alé’s fault,” Nora said, winking at the singer. “When he finds something he likes, his little ADHD brain latches onto it and falls down an obsession rabbit hole.”

“Shut up, Nora,” Alex said through clenched teeth. The calm and confident veneer from earlier was shattered, and Henry marveled at how alarmingly human Alex was then. But, to Henry’s immense frustration, that made him all the more charming and attractive. He needed to get a grip. This was nothing. It wasn’t ever going to be anything. This was just three very kind young popstars sharing a meal with two fans and their awkward-as-dog’s-bullocks uncle, and that was it.

Again: Nicholas Galitzine, this is all your fault.

Cover Art because I'm a nerd and enjoy having art for my stories on here:

#wip wednesday #red white and royal blue fan fiction #nicholas galitzine #the idea of you #popstar!Alex #rwrb #red white and royal blue movie #red white and royal blue #firstprince #alex claremont diaz #henry fox mountchristen windsor

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pippin-katz · 9 months

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Post Red, White, & Royal Blue Viewing Thoughts

Okay, I have now watched this film from start to finish four times since it dropped, and I think I'm ready to share my thoughts. This is a lot of thoughts, so if you click "keep reading", be prepared to read.

Total Word Count: 6,579

Part One: First Impressions

After the first watch, I didn't really know how to feel. I finished it not feeling very satisfied.

After the second watch, it clicked.

I adore it. It is a beautiful movie full of hope and love and it is definitely one of my favorite movies now.

I realized that I had watched it wrong. I was enjoying myself watching the film, but my mind was far too focused on thinking about what would and wouldn't be in the movie to truly watch it for the movie it is. This movie is not the book. It's not trying to be. It is a separate entity with its own unique take on the story. It is an adaptation, not a recitation, as Matthew Lopez put it.

If you watch it focusing on the book and wanting it to be a perfect copy, you will be disappointed. However, that's part of the point. It is not trying to recite the book.

Part Two: Film VS Book Format

In order for a perfect, 100% accurate recitation of the book to film to even be possible, a series would have to be made. Red, White, & Royal Blue is not a very long book, but it is truly stuffed to the brim with content. Casey did not have to worry about a budget or time constraints when they wrote it. That meant they could write lots of scenes with the side characters, and whole side plots without a problem.

That is simply not possible to do in a single movie. That is not what the format of a film is made for.

That's why sequels and series exists. That's why the television format exists. Multiple plot lines can be explored at once and you have more time in total, however the trade off is the audience dynamic changes and the risk that brings.

A series needs to have a strong concept in order to for it to successfully hold its audience and keep it watching through to the conclusion of the plots. It's bit different now due to streaming, but with series, if your audience does not remain interested and active, you may not get to even finish telling your story. All that time spent on the side plots and great scenes is wasted because you never even got to follow through with the main plot, let alone those.

A movie is made and then it's done. They can't unmake it. That story is always going to be told from start to finish in that movie, however it tells it.

With the way the industry works nowadays, getting anything more unique than the expected blockbuster movies to be made is difficult. The corporate side of the film industry has practically made it impossible to make anything that doesn't already belong to a franchise. I have not seen a trailer for a romance centered film in what feels like years.

This is a romcom, which have already been struggling, but also a QUEER romcom. It's incredible that the movie was made at all when you think about Hollywood and its absurd views.

We've already seen that Red, White, & Royal Blue got an R rating in the US despite not really showing anything actually explicit. Matthew Lopez even voiced that he believes if it had been a straight couple, it would've been PG-13. I believe it 100% would've been PG-13 if it was a straight couple.

To anyone who might be wondering why the rating matters, the maturity rating of a movie can heavily impact its audience and marketing. Obviously, an R rating steers away any preteens and parents with kids, but it also puts a preconceived notion of the movie's contents into the heads of anyone who sees the trailer.

When you see that R, you expect either heavily graphic sexual content, extreme violence, or vulgar language, sometimes all three depending on the movie. There are lots of adults who are fine with the idea of a bit of sexual content in their media, like a scene that implies it but cuts away or shows the bare minimum of the actions for the viewer to get the idea. But I think a lot people draw the line at something graphic enough to get an R rating, like Fifty Shades of Grey for example. They're going to the theater to watch a romance film, not a pornography film.

Red, White, & Royal Blue already has to fight for its audience by being a queer romance, and getting an R rating adds an extra hurdle that impacts what kind of audience will even consider their movie.

All that being said, it would've been unbelievably difficult for Matthew and the rest of the production team to secure a series rather than a movie.

Part Three: Adapting Your Point of View

In the case of this adaptation, it is not meant to be the book. After I realized this, rewatching the movie as the movie fixed my reaction.

It recontextualized the movie for me. I stopped sitting there like, "oh he didn't say this line" or "damn they cut that scene" for the entire thing. I approached it as a separate entity, so they didn't "change" the story, so to speak; I completely pushed the book aside and focused on the movie.

Lots of things are different in the movie world, but instead of focusing on them being different from the book, approaching it is as the standard of the movie allowed me to appreciate it. Some examples:

So Henry's last name is different; not to them! To them that's always been his name!

So June got removed; not to them! To them Alex was always an only child!

So Luna got removed; not to them! They don't know who that is because he never existed in their world!

The book still exists the way it has always existed. It is not changing, and not going anywhere. It's world will always be there within those pages. The movie exists someplace else, in its own world. What makes it an adaptation rather than an original story is the common denominator of the main characters and their relationship. Everything else is secondary.

Part Four: Cuts

To expand on that last statement, everything other than Alex and Henry's relationship is secondary. Their story, their scenes, their dynamic comes first before anything else. They are more important than June, than Nora, than Pez, than Luna, than anyone else. Their dynamic is more important than the campaign, the divorce, than the sexuality crisis, than Nora, Pez, and June's polycule, than the Powder Princess, than anything else.

Alex and Henry's relationship is the most important thing.

It's not a story focused on Alex learning his bisexual identity. That's a side plot.

It's not a story focused on Nora and Pez (and June in the book) hooking up. That's a side plot.

It's not a story focused on Beatrice's past with cocaine. That's a side plot.

It's not a story focused on Luna's role in exposing Richards. That's a side plot.

People need to understand what a side plot's role in a story is. It pulls away from the main story to discuss something different, but relevant. They're good for development, filler, or connecting dots between major events, but without them, the primary plot should be able to stand alone.

Red, White, & Royal Blue's plot stands alone. The plot of the first son of the president of the United States falling in love with a prince from Britain is an independent storyline.

With Alex and Henry, they're rivals-to-friends-to-lovers, so there is so much to say and show with so little time. It's not like two best friends realizing they're in love; their bond has been on screen the entire time already, it just changes into something more. It's not like a meet-cute where they go on one date and fall madly in love in minutes. Alex and Henry have to dislike each other, then build an understanding that they can like each other, then further that understanding into loving each other.

That takes time! Think about how many pages of emails are in the book! Those are there to show the reader the progress being made between them, and there's a lot of them, probably canonically more than the ones we get to read. A movie can't spend half its runtime narrating emails, it does not have time for that.

Believe me, someone adapting a piece of media that they love, as much as Matthew has said he loves the book, does not take pleasure in removing things. You find interviews he has done where he's talked about it, and admitted to having to be very ruthless when it came to cutting things. We know that the original cut was three hours long! He did not set out to hurt your feelings by removing and changing things.

Part Five: Miguel & The Waterloo Letters

Aside from the obvious removals, I think the biggest change in the movie is presence of Miguel. I've seen a lot of people already unsure or hateful of his character, though he did not bother me that much because I see what he's there for.

Miguel is a combination of Liam's character and Luna's/Richards' plot line.

Liam is obviously in the book as part of Alex's realization that he's not straight. He's the "I've played around with the idea" character. They have that phone call about their past "relationship" and he's done. Other than that, he's a cameo role that shows up like two times.

Miguel flirts with Alex and he gets a bit embarrassed/flustered because we learn that they had a make-out session while naked in a hot tub. Alex does not flirt back with Miguel; if anything, he ignores the insinuations that he's clearly making. He actively refuses to acknowledge their hook up when talking to him. He's not looking for a relationship with him, despite being aware that Miguel definitely wants to hook up with him. This is a symptom and storytelling method of giving off the impression that he's not really sure about his sexuality. He's not in complete denial, but clearly not super confident in himself to even acknowledge Miguel's attempts at flirting with him. It can be swept under the rug or brushed off. He only acknowledges Miguel's attempts to hook up again after he's slept with Henry, after he's become more comfortable and confident in his bisexuality.

Miguel is also a substitute for the Richards plot line, specifically the exposing Alex part. He's not the same as Luna by any means, but he was someone Alex was friendly with that turned around and stabbed him in the back, which is what he believes Luna to have done for most of the book. Miguel is clearly the one who got ahold of the emails and leaked them, filling in for the role Richards' campaign has. He's the one who has his team stalk Alex to expose him. Again, Miguel is not Richards by any means. He does not actively stalk Alex, but he fills in the role of the person behind the leak for nefarious reasons. Richards wants to expose him to win the election. Miguel wants to expose him for his journalism and because he feels personally slighted by him. It's not the same, but it works. They're both self-serving reasons for why the emails got leaked.

Part Six: Keeping It Light

I've definitely seen some people upset that the leak wasn't played as big of a deal as it was in the book. I think this change is tied to the role of Miguel filling in for Richards, and I believe it's intentionally not as intense as the book.

They have made it clear that the movie's goal is lift people's spirits, to give them hope and courage for the future, to make them feel seen, and bring joy.

The side plot of Ellen's competitor legitimately stalking her son and setting him up is fucking horrible to say in the least. That part of the book is the heaviest of the despair and public humiliation that hits them.

While it's important to the plot that the emails get leaked, I think Matthew made a point of skipping around it a little because it would've brought the entire tone of the movie down to a truly depressing state. It's heartbreaking to read, and probably would've been absolutely devastating to watch, and while there's angst, Alex and Henry's story is meant to be a happy one, an inspiring one. They would not have had the time to properly engage with that level of angst and then get out of it without the viewer getting whiplash.

I think that's probably also why the conversation with the king was far shorter than the conversation with the queen in the book. With the goal being to make people happy, spending too long on the seriously negative parts of the narrative would have been problematic and counterproductive. Like I said in part two of this essay, Casey had all the time in the world to set that up and drop that bomb on the reader, and then all the time in the world to get Alex and Henry to climb out of the hole they'd fallen into.

The movie doesn't remove all the angst and heartbreak, but it does its best not to pull the viewer out of the fantasy. When something on screen hits too close to reality, when it's not supposed to, it can ruin the movie experience.

I just watched Indiana Jones: The Last Crusade the other day, and legitimately had myself yanked painfully back into reality with the Nazi scenes, specifically the book burning one. That movie takes place in the past, the idea being that things aren't like that anymore, but with the way things have been going in America, and specifically in the state of Florida, where I live, it was too much. It used to be ridiculous to watch historical fiction where Nazi's hung swastikas everywhere and burned books, but now I see pictures of modern day swastikas being worn and flown and it crushed me. I couldn't enjoy the rest of the movie, despite it obviously being a piece of action/historical fiction about the Holy Grail, not actually about WWII.

I think it's also why they removed the Luna and Richards plotline, because an older Republican politician using their position to take advantage of young girls and boys is very, very dark. It's too close to what we hear coming out of the news every day.

I can also see this being the reason they decided to keep Ellen and Oscar together in this version. The book has the time to go into how their divorce both negatively and positively effected their family dynamic.

I saw someone complaining that Oscar talking about his and Ellen's relationship being a risk didn't work because they were still together, and the conversation in the book is to make Alex realize that it's worth it even if it doesn't work.

Yes, that's the point in the book. That is not the goal in the movie.

Again, they wanted this to be a fantasy romance that uplifted everyone. Approaching that decision with the more pessimistic idea that they probably wouldn't work paints a different mood than the hope his parents being together gives Alex for him and Henry. These are two entirely different approaches! It's intentional!

If Red, White, & Royal Blue had done more with those parts of the book, it very likely would have pulled the viewer out of the immersion and remind them of the depressing realities of real life, which is not the goal.

Part Seven: Intimacy

I was absolutely blown away by the intimate scenes in this movie. I'm demisexual, on the the ace-spectrum, and I am not personally a fan of sexual content in film. This is mostly because it's usually poorly executed, unnecessary, or over-the-top. It pops up in places it doesn't need to be, and makes me roll my eyes or get pissed off.

Part of this frustration undoubtedly comes from my bias as part of the queer community, and I'm willing to admit that. I've developed a slight bitterness towards most portrayals of straight couples in media from it being shoved down my throat my entire life.

It was new for me to see intimate scenes with a queer couple, or rather a gay couple specifically. I have encountered lesbian sex scenes, like in Wynonna Earp. However, I had never seen two men together. I think the reason for this difference is fairly obvious, as it's been widely known for some time that lesbians are very often fetishized by straight men, who are unfortunately the majority of higherups in Hollywood. It is far more likely to have a straight executive sign off on a lesbian sex scene than a gay one, because to them, women together is "fun", while men together is considered "uncomfortable".

This is not to say that gay men aren't fetishized, because they unfortunately are too, but only to point out the disproportionate amount of lesbian intimacy vs gay intimacy in film.

The point being that I had never seen two men be intimate with each other on screen. I was nervous going in because of my issues with most sex scenes, but there was something magical about how they handled them in this movie.

Like I said, I hate when sex scenes are tossed in for no reason, but in the case of Alex and Henry, it is a core part of their relationship and its development. It was the first time I watched a sex scene start without going "here we go with the sex" with a sigh. Their sexual dynamic is part of their dynamic as a whole, that is a key element in becoming closer and understanding each other more.

The thing is, I say all that knowing that there is still a lot of "gays being horny" moments in the book, some of which making it into the movie. What was wonderfully done about that though was that the fast and aggressive encounters were limited. They didn't show any further than making out and the motion of taking off pants. All of those horny moments were handled perfectly to provide the right amount of comedy and yes, sexiness, without shoving it down our throat (pun not intended).

I personally don't need to see a guy giving another guy a blowjob in a romantic comedy film! Ace-spectrum or not, if I wanted to see that, I'd go to a porn website like everyone else. Romance and pornography are not the same thing! Having them go far enough for the viewer to know what they were doing without showing it was perfect.

That brings me to the sex scene. Yes, the work of art that is their first time in Paris.

I said before that a lot of sex scenes make me annoyed or roll my eyes, because most of them are just thrown in for the sake of playing to their audience. In this case, this scene was not for the audience.

I've seen several people say this, and I have to agree, that watching that scene feels like you're intruding on something very personal and it is the truest example of intimacy I've ever seen. It's the most graphic scene in the film, yet it does not show the graphic parts, if that makes sense. Yes, they're naked, and you know what they're doing, but they don't film them in a way that made me uncomfortable, aside from feeling a bit bashful because, I mean, have you watched the scene?

There's no showing of their genitals or private areas at all. It's almost entirely focused on their faces, and the few cuts to their bodies only include Henry's hand on Alex's back and shoulder, in his hair, and the two of them holding hands. This is because they're not just "having sex", but as Henry put it "making love". Yes, that's a bit of an old fashioned way to put it, but it makes far more sense than simply saying it's a sex scene.

It's not just "two characters have sex whoo!". They're not crazily fucking like porn stars. They're clearly going slow and cherishing each other. It's almost impossible to put into words how intimate the scene feels and how not like a sex scene it feels despite being one. There's only some soft instrumental as the background as well, not some pornographic moaning and whatnot that you might find in other movies or shows.

This is all coming from a demisexual who has no interest in sex and gets genuinely annoyed with how often it comes up in film. That is how different this scene was. Their intimacy coordinator, Robbie Taylor Hunt, deserves a huge bonus.

Part Eight: Taylor & Nicholas

I mentioned this in a post before the movie came out, but I'll gladly say it again now that I've seen it. I've never seen a couple on film convince me so entirely that they were two real people in love, and not just fictional characters. It's astonishing to me, and I cannot put the feeling into words. I've seen couples in real life that look less in love than they do.

Both of them deserve awards for their performances in this film. Their chemistry on screen together is indescribable. They are amazing in every way. Both of them nailed their characterizations and nailed their dynamic together.

I had never seen either of them before this, and I can say that I desperately hope they are given the opportunity to be in another project together after this. I've been reading the interviews that were conducted prior to the strike and my respect for the two of them is immeasurable. They are both incredible actors and they did not take the responsibility of the representation lightly, and you can tell. You can tell through how electrifying the two of them are in every scene they share and in their individual moments of standing up for themselves.

Alex's speech about the queer community was beautifully written, but Taylor's execution is what drove it home. The energy he put into Alex on a whole truly brought him to life. Nicholas is one of the most expressive actors I've ever seen. His facial expressions spoke so much with no words in the way Henry has to because he's not allowed to share his thoughts.

I have so much respect and admiration for them, and I hope that even though they can't say much at the moment, they can at least see the impact they've had after just the first day of it being available.

Part Nine: Queer Identity

"The conformity of the closet cannot be answered with the forced conformity in coming out of it." - Alex Claremont-Diaz

I have never heard such a beautiful sentence regarding coming out. It could not be more perfect, especially considering how people immediately started assuming that Taylor and Nicholas are straight men playing queer roles.

As far as I know of, neither of them have publicly discussed their identities, and they do not have to. That does not give anyone the right to assume they're straight. If they are, I see that only as another testament of their skill and talent as actors. If they aren't, then they aren't and maybe they used their own personal experiences as part of their performances. Either way, they don't have to tell us. They have a right not to.

Nicholas obviously did a fucking phenomenal job with Henry and was amazing in portraying how that lifestyle can effect someone like him. He was truly heartbreaking to watch in his sad scenes.

The multiple lines where Alex discusses being bisexual are fantastic. The B is not silent! Having his bisexuality continuously reenforced to the audience was a great call, and they did it without being obvious about it. It's not like he's saying it every five minutes, but he doesn't just say "I like both" and never mention it again. He specifically uses the label bisexual when speaking to Henry and telling his mom. It's important for people to hear that word and be unable to ignore it.

Even though Alex had less of a crisis about being bisexual than in the book, there was still an arc to his confidence in his label. You can feel the uncertainty early on through Taylor's performance. Alex pretends to be suave and confident, but as soon as he goes to tell Henry his label, it takes him a second to say it. Then in Paris before their first time, he admits he's never had sex with another man before, and is clearly nervous. Taylor nailed those moments where Alex's confidence cracks. And you can see Alex become more comfortable with the label as the movie continues. When his mother asks, he's laughing and simply says "I'm bi" without any preamble, unlike when he needed a minute to breathe before saying it to Henry.

Speaking of his mother, although they didn't have the time to do the PowerPoint presentation, they still made sure to have Ellen not just be accepting, but supportive too. She doesn't just say "okay, that's cool", but takes it seriously as a part of her son's life. As embarrassing as it is to have your mom talk sex with you, it shows how she was immediately prepared to help him feel safe and healthy while being in a relationship with a man. She did not tiptoe around it or shy away from it. That is not just acceptance, that is support. That is important.

This movie is important in so many ways. It is honestly still hard to believe it exists.

Part Ten: Pacing

The film moves fast, but this is because the book also moves fast, but the film has way less time to get the same point across. I may be in the minority, but after I disconnected the book from the movie, I didn't feel like it was rushed.

Here's the thing, a lot of movies have a nasty habit of being stuffed with filler. There's so much unnecessary stuff that's put into films to pad the runtime, make it longer. Most people don't really think about it, but it's actually super common, and annoying for those who notice.

Red, White, & Royal Blue does not move too fast. It simply does not waste time.

The minimum runtime to be considered a feature length film in the US is 60+ minutes, but a lot of movies nowadays try to get closer to 120+ minutes, which is a big difference. Consider the original Avengers film, 143 minutes, which is a lot, and then we got Avengers: Endgame which was 183 minutes.

For some perspective, The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers released to theaters with a 179 minute-long runtime, but the extended edition runtime is 235 minutes. The Lord of the Rings films are notorious for their extended versions and the fact that they are extraordinarily long. Almost everyone who watches the extended edition trilogy spreads it out over several days, if not a week because it is too much to watch in one sitting unless you have the entire day free.

These massive numbers come from the fact that they have a lot to show, most of which is vital to the plot. Too many movies now add unnecessary content to make their runtime longer.

There is not a single scene in Red, White, & Royal Blue is meaningless. Even the fun montage scenes like those at the lake house are there to communicate the development of their relationship, and how far they've come.

While we can see their love showing up early on, obviously they lead with friends-with-benefits relationship that makes for most of their physically shared time being sex centered. The lake house shows them genuinely enjoying being around each other outside of that context, like reading together on a hammock or Henry doing drunk karaoke. Their small conversations are picked carefully to showcase their banter, then their growing connection.

The story is about them, and therefore, there's no point in taking a winding sidetrack to go into the details of Alex's college classes or the campaign progress. That's all great for the book, but in the movie, they don't need to do that, and the decision not to was the right one. It only would've taken the focus off of them.

They have a lot to do with just them. There's no reason to drag their feet around, so they don't! There's no point in spending fifteen-twenty minutes to show something they can accomplish in five. There's no point in dragging out the passage of time.

The fast pace only doesn't work if their progression as a couple isn't believable, and we've already established that their progress as a couple is perfectly balanced.

That's my take on the pacing, that it's not rushed. I prefer them just going, not wasting any time. That's the other part that makes the cuts not bother me.

As much as I love so many scenes that didn't make it, they didn't need to be there for the story to progress as it needed to. Trying to cram more in would've only made it hard to keep up with. That would've made it rushed. The way it is is fine.

Part Eleven: Texts VS Emails

I saw some complaints that they didn't continue the way they did the text messages with the way they did the emails, and I have to say, I disagree that they should've.

The texts are conversational and work really well to have pop up graphics and edits, but those emails are letters. They are a lot more serious, and using purely voiceover is far less distracting. You can focus purely on what they're saying and the inflection of their voices. It also gave them a chance to show the progress of time through Alex's campaign work.

Most of their emails are exchanged over a period of time where nothing particularly interesting is happening. They are the interesting thing. Alex is busy with college and Henry's just doing his royal duties. That doesn't make for the most entertaining action on screen.

Alex's devotion to Texas in the book is his binder. It works really well in the book because we can hear Alex's thoughts, considering there's not much actually said about the binder. He has that confrontation with that guy in the White House, but the binder is his private, secret project. Hearing his thoughts and feelings directly works better than how it would've played out if they did the same thing in the movie. It would've been some shots of him with it, foreshadowing and hinting at it, but its true importance would've been lost on those who haven't read the book.

Instead, they were direct about it. He tries to get his strategy implemented from the beginning, while in the book, it's a secret plan that he doesn't intend to share yet. Instead of the argument with that coworker, he has the argument with his mother, which hits the beats of his desires for Texas. He wants to go out there and make them feel heard and reach out to the younger population, and that's exactly what he tells his mother in that argument.

Having him working on the campaign during that stretch of time between Paris and the lake house accomplished what all those thoughts and emails and Luna's role did in establishing what politics means to Alex, what Texas means to Alex.

Being able to watch him working while hearing him and Henry write to each other through the emails was a perfect blending of two parts of the book.

And again, their phrasing in the emails is very different from the texts. The pop-ups would've felt a bit odd. In the texts where they do that, they're bantering back and forth, sending the articles, and sharing interests, but in those emails, Alex is talking about the pressure he's under to succeed and Henry is talking about how inspiring he is. It's better to keep the audience focused in on them rather than the fun graphics and whatnot.

Part Twelve: Alex's Speech

I've been seeing some people upset about the changes to Alex's speech, and I have to say that I feel like they're overreacting. What he said in the movie was so, so important, and for the people who are freaking out like "he wouldn't confirm their relationship without talking to Henry first", do you not realize that people can have an unspoken understanding?

We don't get the same conversations, but Henry is obviously scared about going public, but he never gives off the impression that he doesn't want to, or that he wants to lie about it. There's also the undeniable fact that they had conversations we did not get to see, book based or not.

You think they didn't say anything else to each other the rest of the night after the V&A visit? You think we got all the emails they shared over the year they were seeing each other?

This is one of those moments where I'm like, "get over yourself" to those people. Who do you think knows Henry better? You, or the actual character he's in a relationship with?

Part Thirteen: Important Messages

Another thing I've been seeing driving me up the wall is people complaining about some of the messages from the book not being in the movie, and again, I have to say, do you not understand what an adaptation is?

The message of this movie is the primary message of the book. That love should not have to be justified to others.

That's essentially what Henry says to the king near the end. He directly questions him about maintaining a traditional royal image, and puts the king in the position of having to admit his discriminatory views. The king had been skirting around it, saying things like "your love is genuine" and whatnot, but still forcing them to lie and hide, which Henry puts his foot down to. He doesn't let him get away with dancing around it.

Henry's line of being who he is and not who they want him to be is powerful and potent. He refuses to keep justifying who he is. Philip refers to their love as a mad infatuation, and Henry shuts him down. He and Alex are in love with each other, and he is not going to pretend otherwise even though he's scared.

That is the core message, that love is love, and love wins.

The other messages are still in the book. They haven't gone anywhere. They simply did not fit into the movie format, but that does not mean they're not going to be heard. The opening credits tells you right off the bat that this is based on a novel, and those who enjoy the movie are likely to go read it afterwards if they hadn't previously.

Trying to cram too many themes and messages into one movie can destroy the impact of all of them. Sometimes it's better to focus on nailing one major theme and making sure that it hits powerfully than bouncing all over the place in an attempt say as much as possible. Messages that are alluded to or mentioned, but never followed through on harm the movie more than their inclusion helps it. It makes them feel hollow, like they're just there to be like "see? we're talking about this important stuff, give us credit".

I feel like people deep down know that, that if they had tried to fit everything they would've disliked it for a whole different reason, but they're still so determined to be cynical and negative that they can't acknowledge what the film did say.

Part Fourteen: Final Thoughts & Cake

Congratulations if you've read this far! I did not expect this essay to be as long as it was, but everything I wanted to say needed more explanation, which led to more branch offs, and that's why I ended up sectioning it.

I can safely say that I absolutely adore this movie. I am going to be watching it on loop for the next couple days since I have the house to myself for the weekend.

This movie is definitely its own entity. It is unique from the book, and should not be judged by how "accurate" it is. It's a different telling of the story, and a fantastic one. It deserves to be appreciated, and gushed about.

If anyone tries to bring you down with their negativity towards this film, ignore them. I don't mean people who are politely providing valid criticism. I mean those people who have been basing their opinions entirely on how the movie compares to the book, and deciding that any changes made automatically makes it inferior. The people who are ignoring all of the fantastic aspects of the movie because they're so wrapped up in their own head.

I'm finishing this off with that reminder, that the movie is not trying to be the book. Please keep that in your mind when you watch it. For those who may have felt a similar feeling of unsatisfaction after watching it for the first time, rewatching with this as your focus may allow you to find what you were missing from the experience before.

To put it into a simple metaphor, Red, White, & Royal Blue is a cake. Yes, I'm aware of the irony, but it works very well here.

Let's say that the base story of Red, White, & Royal Blue is a chocolate cake.

The book can be a chocolate cake, with buttercream between the layers, pink icing, and sprinkles. The movie can be a chocolate cake with chocolate mousse between the layers, blue icing, and flowers.

They are both chocolate cakes. They are the same and different at the same time. Most people are going to have a preference, but that does not mean you can't enjoy both.

You have two chocolate cakes! It's a win-win!

And to the people who are simply trashing this movie, I'd like to stop and ask you something. How is it that the original author, and creator of these characters and story, approves and loves this adaptation, but you can't?

I'm an author myself, and I'm fiercely protective over my characters and ideas, and immediately get my claws out when someone suggests a major change I disagree with or a false interpretation of it.

Casey themselves has said basically the same thing I did at the start of this when I explained that the movie exists separately to the book, and they love it. If the original creator loves it, sorry, but I really don't give a damn what you have to say about its "accuracy".

To everyone else, remember to try and not let people's negativity influence you too much. If you love the movie, you don't need to justify it. You're allowed to.

Thank you for reading this. Seriously, fucking congrats if you made it this far. I'm expecting this to get like no notes and still spent an entire day writing this lmfao

#red white and royal blue #rwrb #rwrb movie #rwrb book #rwrb thoughts #rwrb spoilers #alex claremont diaz #taylor zakhar perez #henry fox mountchristen windsor #henry hanover stuart fox #nicholas galitzine #matthew lopez #firstprince #history huh #bet we could make some

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posthumousvigor · 9 months

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You know, I think its kind of cool how plot holes and bad writing encourage creativity in an audience. When I was a kid, I thought that the reason Anakin personally late-term aborted all them kids was because he wanted to ensure they were killed quickly and as painlessly as possible. I thought it was some sort of twisted compassion meant to show how his character had become corrupt yet still fundamentally the same. In trying to understand why something without sufficient explanation was happening, I gave the story new depth and meaning. Not like I'm a genius or anything, just an audience member taking part in creation.

I talked to my dad recently about the star war and he was surprised about the whole Force Jesus thing because this whole time he thought it was Palpatine's ~evil machinations~ or whatever. For over 20 years this man thought my boy Sheev abducted shmi and artificially knocked her up little green alien style as an experiment to create the most powerful force user. Which is kind of convoluted but I like it better than Jesus Christ Superstar laser sword edition full color vhs 50% off at walmart. Here's another person building their own art in their mind based on filling a hole (lol) left by the original media.

I mean, it happens in fandom all the time. Idk how many arguments I've seen where one or both people are duking it out based on... something that never happened. But in their beautiful mind palace it happened. And that would be such a wonderful phenomenon if they could only stop whipping out slurs every time they start to lose the argument. Keep on fighting those cuck windmills buddy I'm sure it'll work at some point

I'd still prefer a well written story, obviously, but I just love how people can't help but be creative, even if its 1999 and they're just in the car on the way home from the movies trying to work out what all that midichlorians shit was about. The collaborative process of creation can't stop, even if everyone held hands and agreed to never tag anything as #meta again. Art is never finished.

Anyway remember when everybody was foaming at the mouth over Jar Jar Binks was a Sith Lord theories? Good times

#star wars #anakin skywalker #obi wan kenobi #star wars prequels #the clone wars #jar jar binks #i guess #any jar jar heads out there?

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chordsykat · 8 months

Note

Do you have tips on writing strong and even powerful characters who are OCs? I am new to Metalocalypse and I want to write some stories but I don't know how to make a character feel like they're not too overpowered and they fit naturally in the story. How do you do it?

Gosh, Anon, I wanted to point you to an answer I did for this question a few years ago, but... it's been a few years and Tumblr's search function is... Tumblr's search function. So let me just go around again with this one..!

Let's start with the obvious: Metalocalypse is a wonderful opportunity to write a bunch of stuff that's utterly ridiculous and you should not be afraid to do it. People who tell you "you can't have crazy/supernatural/magic powers" in this universe are clearly watching a different show than the rest of us. Go nuts. It's fine.

So, typically my response to this question is the standard one you'd get if you just googled "how do I make a character not feel overpowering" - which is, anything is possible if you write it believably enough. And that is a big part of it, but lately I've looked into the nuances of this just a litte further than I have in the past, and can add a bit more to this wisdom.

Especially. ESPECIALLY-especially, if you're introducing a character into an already-established world, pay close attention to one thing: How are the established characters relating to the type of character that your OC is.

This goes beyond them being powerful, too. Maybe they're normal and pretty vanilla. Maybe they're a bad guy. Maybe they're a bi-monthly curated box of snacks -- hell, I dunno! But whatever they are, your goal in that introductory story should be to not just showcase who this character is - but in order to endear the audience to them, you must make the canon cast believably respond to the type of character they are, preferably in the most interesting way possible. That's it. That's your biggest job as the writer when it comes to making... well... any kind of character introduction, I'd suppose. Another way of saying this would be, don't come out of the gate giving them a gold star in the form of plot-armor and intrigue because this is their story. I'm not saying it isn't their story, but give the audience some credit and make your characters earn their spot as central cast members. Remember: no matter the writer's skill level, readers are always stingier with their gold stars.

Consider Nathan Explosion meeting a random fan who he invites back to Mordhaus, for no reason, versus Nathan Explosion meets a guy who can shoot lightning bolts out of his ass, and he invites him home because in his mind he's already got about fifty new ideas for drinking games with this dude. Both are perfectly viable stories, but if I'm honest, the second one sounds more believable, despite the superpowers, does it not? In the first one, it's less so not because the person is a normie - but because there's literally no reason for Nathan to drag them home excepting the fact that the character exists.

The trick to making characters likable lies in the audience's trust that you're going to handle the characters they already know, in a consistent and in-character way. That's it. You earn it with them, there, and I guarantee they'll eventually stop riding on the shoulders of the canon cast and start willingly hopping onto your OCs' as time goes on.

So once you have this conflict planned out (and make no mistake -- meeting someone new for the first time is often one of the biggest conflicts in any "new kid in town" story), you just gotta make sure your character is consistent with who they are -- both in abilities and limitations. The usual "don't warp the world around them" rules apply. I trust you know how to keep your own character in-character, so the rest is just assuring everyone else is also going to be acting appropriately. That's it.

Anyway, hope this helps as an answer, Anon. And I hope you share your stories with us when you finish them! Best of luck - you can do it! :D

#answered #writing #original characters #mtl oc

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rain-fluff · 3 months

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Journal Two

It only took me a few days to finish but Hana Yori Dango has inserted itself into a small part of my brain and heart and has encompassed my entire attention span; fully fleshing out into a brand new hyperfixation that I never thought could possibly develop before I started my binge.

Is this show the greatest masterpiece that has ever existed in our current plane of existence? Not really. Is it a good portrayal of romance involving healthy and communicative relationships? Absolutely not. But it's the type of dumpster fire I simply can't look away from because the dramatics and emotional declarations of love professed by the characters are written so expressively entertaining that you can't help to wonder of what comes next. It's a great show to shut your brain off when you're in it just for the drama.

Besides that, there's something about the art style that's so charming that I wish is still practiced with today. Not to discredit newer ones because there are unique ones that stand out visually like Demon Slayer or Spy x Family but it doesn't quite capture the same flare you'd see in old 90's anime. Or I could just be bias entirely and have rose tinted goggles with anything that's from the 90's or 2000's that I never realize I have on 24/7 so to each their own really.

While I do appreciate the way the characters having better growth and development in the manga, I do feel that the anime had smoother delivery when conveying the overall plot. There were quite a few arcs and characters that I was shocked to learn was completely omitted in the anime. However, it's also not surprising considering even in the official manga; it doesn't really effect the core story asides for maybe developing rooms for the main characters to interact and grow.

The ending of the anime itself was also much more satisfying in comparison to the manga in my opinion but still gives the audience a satisfaction of having the main couple only loving and trusting each other from the last few chapters and beyond. Overall, this is definitely a series I wouldn't mind rewatching over and over again (surprise I already am) and will cherish alongside many other favourites.

In other news, my family had gathered for my brother's 31st birthday this weekend at a nice Italian restaurant we used to frequent. I think it has been at least a year since I've last went so imagine my surprise when my mother told me she frequents there for lunch every other week with her friends. It was an enjoyable dinner nonetheless, the margherita pizza will always be my favourite menu item and the tiramisu was a delightful palette cleanser later on.

The more I keep writing, the more I wonder if I can maintain a readers attention with my journaling. I'm a natural introvert who prefers my own company most times and often stay at home. I don't particularly have strong commitments to my hobbies either so I worry how much content I can truly provide as the semester goes on. I need to start digging deep with my hobbies again.

-rain

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buildabruxa · 2 years

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day 2

Hello, void.

Tumblr is so much different than it was in like, 2011. Like I still have my main tumblr around here somewhere, and I know a lot of my friends are still on this site, but I want to be able to chronicle everything without writing for an audience. Screaming into the void has always been the great thing about tumblr, but making this blog I see how much things have changed. Fuck you, Yahoo.

(Wait, Yahoo still owns tumblr, right?)

Anyway. It's 9:53 am and this is what my morning has looked like so far. I took my Adderall at 5:20 this morning again when Kraken got up, then slept a little more and got myself up at 7 (again, still, SO EASY?!). Sleeping last night was a little difficult - I'm from a desert city, so it's in my blood not to consume too much water. Like a cactus. Plus, I found out I may have esophageal dysphagia (you mean it isn't normal to need liquids for food, and most people don't choke on thick foods?!) and I've always hated swallowing (shhh). I hold liquids in my mouth for a stupid long time. But yesterday I was SO THIRSTY. I always wondered how and why Kraken drank so much water. NOW I KNOW. Plus, I stopped taking the oxybutinin because it was causing bloating and making my eyes dry, which is hell with aging eyes and contacts. So I had to get up to pee last night three. Separate. Times. I did not rest well. And my night twitches got way worse, like my body was powering down from the Adderall. So I let myself sleep until 7, got up, and then

-tried to wake up Naruto, asked if he wanted eggs

-made us tea and him eggs

-went down to switch laundry, realize I didn't run the dryer, run dryer

-tried to wake up Naruto about 6 times between 7:20 and 7:50 (did he eat his eggs? fuck no. After complaining to the psychiatrist that I don't feed him. Sir, you are 15, and you haven't eaten the breakfast I've made you before summer school AT LEAST four times. I do not work, thanks to you attacking Kraken and me needing to take off time to get your mental health sorted, therefore making me lose my job. I can't keep wasting food like this. Ass.)

-Inflated Naruto's tire for school, which didn't need inflating, but he insists it does. He just is huge and I have to check the weight limit on his bike to see if he needs a bigger one. (220 lbs and 5'9" at 15, holy shit. I'm 5'3 and his father is like 5'6". I have no idea where this came from.)

-ran more laundry

-took out Courage, dusted the leather couch in the garage

-watered plants, refilled makeshift birdbaths

-contacted lawyer re: OVI

-reached out to friends to reform our stitch-n-bitch group

-reached out to Viking to tell him I love him, even though we don't talk much anymore

-reached out to friends to plan a dinner for friend who is moving

-did wordle, framed, heardle, Animal Restaurant, and nyt mini

-did more dishes (a fucking Sisyphean effort, but I find I don't mind dishes as much now?)

-folded a bunch of laundry

I have a whole list of shit I need to do but this blog isn't for tracking that, just for seeing what the changes in my life are like. One thing I'm noticing is that I can pick up something and put it back down without my brain going "no no, need to do this this and this and then finish and THEN do that thing" and then hating itself for not knowing where to start/finish.

Also, food tastes bomb af but I don't wanna eat anything past a few bites. I eat for fun, so this is ... disappointing. I also had to quit weed because they're gonna drug test me to make sure I'm not on anything illicit and that I'm taking my meds and not selling them. PLUS I have to figure out drinking again since now I'm on Prozac AND Adderall and it's risky to drink. So I have an asshole 15yo who smokes and vapes and won't fucking quit, and I can't have SHIT for vices to deal.

Other than that? I feel pretty good. Now that my brain isn't bogged down with all the stress of shit executive dysfunction, I can think about things more clearly and enjoy more things.

#adhd parenting #adhd #adderall #prozac #med tracking

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in-superbloom · 3 years

Text

did you ever hear about the girl who got frozen? (a.i.)

right where you left me: prologue

pairing: ashton irwin x olivia jones (oc)

warnings: uhh a kinda grieving theme i guess? but no deaths. it has a sad tone overall, but nothing major (in this chapter hehe). foul language because i can't help myself. the tiniest mention of alcohol, but as a memory. think i should probably warn you that this contains a very sad ash. also not much dialogues. this is mainly for explanation and introduction, but very important for the story. if you find anything else that might be triggering, please let me know so i can add it here !!

author's note: oof okay. so. this is the prologue of a series very very dear to my heart that i've been working on for what it feels like my whole life but really it's been just a few months. but i'm in love with the story (which rarely happens with my own writing) so i hope you can enjoy it too !! this is also my very first time posting a fic since 2013 so pls keep that in mind <3 no i am not shaking as type this ofc not also: although i have the full story ready in my head, this is the only chapter that's written. i wanted to wait until i had at least a few ready before posting this but i'm too anxious for that lmao just saying this bc it will take a good while until i have any more chapters, so <3 (p.s.: i went over this thing a million times since may so if you find any errors pls look away, i'm not fixing this thing anymore. thanks <3)

another note: anna from the future here to say that i completely forgot about the playlist i made for the story lmao here it is in case you're interested k thanks bye <3

credits: title is from taylor swift's song right where you left me. model in the picture: paola locatelli. banner by me.

i also wanted to take a minute to thank some really nice friends that i've made here over these past few months & that i'm extremely grateful for @wastelandcth @suchalonelysunflower @littledrummerangie i cannot thank you babes enough for inspiring me the way that you do & for letting me yell about this to you && for encouraging me so much 🥺 i'll never be able to explain just how much this means to me, so i'll have to settle for saying thank you at any change that i can get <3 i love you all 💜 also gem my baby, thank you for the inspo with the banner 💚

@bluesdelis look babe i did it 😌 you know how grateful i am for you & for you letting me have a breakdown every week about my writing for the past 8 years so let's not dive into that or else i will write something bigger than this prologue jsjsjdjd love you 🖤

i hope you all have a good reading and a nice day ♡

let me know what are your thoughts about the fic ! ♡

word count: 4.1k

☆☆☆

Cold. That was the first thing that Olivia’s brain processed.

Still with her eyes closed, she buried herself more into the duvet, while her arm blindly reached for the furnace in human form that she calls boyfriend. However, as soon as her arm was only met with cold sheets, her eyes shot open.

Blinking the sleep away, she sat up on the bed, searching for the infamous red clock resting on Ashton’s bedside table that was supposed to look like a vintage alarm clock. Olivia had ordered it online at an auction website a couple of years back, as a gift for his 23rd birthday, since it was something he had mentioned multiple times prior that he was looking for, but still hadn't found. But when it finally came in (two weeks after the due date), it looked nothing like the picture she saw on the website. Feeling beyond frustrated, she wanted to send it back immediately and ask for a refund and maybe leave a not so polite review on the seller's page. But Ashton stopped her right away, laughing like the situation was absolutely hilarious to him, while saying, 'I like it, it’s quirky'. So, the clock stayed and found a home right next to him in their room.

Some days, however, she would wake up at some ungodly hour because of the blaring noise of the only ringtone the clock had. But whatever annoyance she could feel towards the object, it always vanished as soon as she felt Ashton's lips gently touching her face in a good morning kiss before he would get up to start his day, leaving her to catch some more hours of well deserved sleep.

As the furthest from a morning person as a touring musician could possibly be, Olivia had always feared that living under the same roof as Ashton would turn her into an early bird like him, but she's thankful that it never happened (not that he needs to know about that).

When she sees the red clock, she smiles at the sudden but welcome memories of them flooding her foggy brain, but frowns slightly when she realizes it reads 12:13 pm. Ashton rarely lets her sleep past 10 am.

Gathering all her strength and will, she rises up from the bed, smoothly picking up a grey wool sweatshirt from the chair (way too baggy on her slim body, but it smells like him), pulling it over her head and relishing on the soft material warming up her body. Making her way to the door and calmly going down the stairs, she can’t help but stop for a minute to admire the picture frames on their walls, one in particular catches her attention – probably one of the most prized pictures and memories they had. It felt older than it actually is, but it was around 4 years ago, she's sure – a little while after the two of them met. The picture was of their group of friends that still remains the same: Ashton and his best friend, Luke; Olivia, her best friend, Calum and their old hometown friend, turned into Calum’s new friend at college, turned into everyone’s friend, Michael; and her then newly band members, Suki, Eli and Ravi. Together, their group was the life of the party through all their college years, and it showed by the big smiles and drinks in hands they all had in the picture. It was a very special night, the first time Olivia’s little band played for the public – for a small audience sure, but it was a wonderful night nonetheless. What a long road it had been since that night.

Her nostalgic thoughts were interrupted by a shiver that went through her whole body, and it made her realize how oddly cold the whole house was, not only their bedroom. Which, granted, it was November in New York and the weather was just getting colder, but that’s exactly why Ashton always made sure to keep the house warm enough. As much as she loved the chilly season, the warm weather always reminded him of his hometown, and who was she to deny him that?

The smell of fresh made coffee could be sensed even before she reached the kitchen. Arriving there, the curly haired woman still found no signs of her boyfriend, so she went straight after the coffee maker pot sitting on the far left corner of the cream marble counter. Smiling softly at the tons of memories of Ashton's sleepy figure making their favorite beverage, she reached for a coffee mug on the cupboard on top of the counter and poured the remainder of the hot liquid on it (it's her favorite mug, if she must choose – it was a gift from a fan, and it had printed on it a collage of the pictures of her and Ashton that were posted on social media through their first year of relationship).

Moving to the glass doors that lead to the mini garden they cultivate, she didn't have to open them to spot the 6-feet-tall man sitting on a bench outside, looking oddly small in his oversized clothes, coffee mug tightly held between strong hands. Something about his figure made Olivia frown, however: he was staring with an unwavering look at her small but eye-catching pot of yellow daffodils that were almost as much of a pet to them as Stitch at this point. Sensing that there’s something definitely off about his semblance, she made a mental note to talk to him and find out what’s wrong later. So she goes back to the kitchen, knowing that he might need this quiet and private moment for himself.

She lost count of the minutes that went by (couldn't have been more than five) before she hears the garden's door opening and closing, and then his bare feet are dragging his brawny body to her. Except, he goes over to the sink, walking right through her, not showing any sign that he even saw her hunched figure over the counter table in the middle of the room.

Alright, someone's in a mood.

Olivia tries to swallow the annoyance already bubbling inside her – he knows how much she hates to be ignored, no matter how mad he might be – by trying to think of what she can say that won't piss him off. This is always a hard feat to accomplish when Ashton gets in these moods, but there’s a reason for them to work so well together.

“I missed my favorite body heater when I woke up,” she says in her best sweet voice, knowing how quickly his resolve crumbles when he hears that voice.

Still, no reaction.

That settles a worry at the pit of her stomach, because Ashton is never like this. Even when he's not in the mood to talk, he always gives some kind of reaction to her words; it doesn't matter how small, just enough to make her feel acknowledged.

When he's finished washing his mug and the few scattered dishes across the sink – she noticed that he already had lunch, if the lone plate in the drying rack is anything to go by –, he dries his hand in a towel, turns around and throws it on top of the same counter Olivia was leaning up against. Once again, he walks away not even sparing her a look.

Indignant, she leaves the now empty coffee mug on top of the table and follows him as he walks up the stairs, any determination to not aggravate his mood now well gone.

“Hey! In case you didn't notice, I'm right here. Whatever got you in this sour mood, I'm certainly not to blame, so can you stop being a child now and talk to me?!”

Ashton just keeps walking – more like sluggishly dragging his body – until he reaches their bedroom and suddenly stops just merely two feet inside the room, looking around with vacant eyes; like he was expecting to see something that wasn't there.

“Okay, that's really mature of you. Are you planning on ignoring me all day then?” Olivia questions exasperated, staring angrily at the back of his neck, where the condor tattoo lives – her favorite of his, but that sight doesn't bring her any peace today like it usually does.

Her glare only breaks when she hears the familiar sound of dog tags swaying on her right side. Shifting her gaze to the direction of the sound, Olivia notices Stitch, their small, black & white French bulldog – who she thought was outside in the garden – slowly trudging his way from around the bed until he stops at Ashton's feet, looking up at one of his humans with sad eyes. That realization only makes the worry in her stomach grow uncomfortably.

“Hi buddy,” Ashton's voice cracks a bit from the lack of use, but he smiles softly at the sweet dog, and crouches down to pet him.

Olivia can't help but gasp as she notices three things all at once that leave her overwhelmed: first, how she didn't even notice Stitch was in the room when she woke up – which never ever happens, in fact, most days he wakes her up whenever he deems her bedtime as finished and can't ever contain his excitement when she finally gets up; second, how the windows blinds are closed, which, again, rarely occurs under their roof, not if Ashton can help it. And third, how sad and melancholic the whole scene in front of her is – how sad and melancholic Ashton is. Pointless to say by now – that's also a very rare occasion.

A chill creeps up Olivia's spine, putting her body into high alert and also serving as a reminder of how everything looks out of place today. Trying to keep her head from spiraling down way too soon, she wraps her arms around herself and crouches down beside her two favorite boys, trying once more.

“Ash? Can you hear me?” even with her throat closing, she softly asks, purposefully putting her face in Ashton's point of view. Her only answer is the low whispers he's letting out to Stitch, while cradling the tiny dog in his arms, spreading gentle kisses on his head.

“I know, bud, I know. I miss her too,” is the only whisper she could understand and immediately wishes she hadn't. The weak wail that comes from Stitch's throat seems to fit perfectly with how the three of them feel.

Ashton then looks up and for a couple of seconds, and Olivia can swear he’s staring right into her eyes. But when he shows no reaction, she knows he’s just staring ahead and not at her, with that look that says there’s too much going on inside his head. She feels the urge to embrace him and get him to talk about whatever is on his mind, so they can share that weight like they always do, but when Ashton gets up from the ground and settles on the bed with Stitch, Olivia can physically feel the crack in her heart caused by the feeling she’s left with.

While Ashton is pulling the duvet over him and the dog, with clearly no intentions of getting up anytime soon, Olivia stands up on her feet with a new-found determination – she needs to figure out what the hell is going on.

This nightmare had to be just that, right? Nothing but a very vivid dream – she's had those before. Scary sure, but they always go away, and soon enough she's back into Ashton's arms, with Stitch jumping on the bed ready to lick their faces off. She just needs to wake herself up from whatever fucked up dream this is – right?

She's running down the stairs this time, frantically in search of something, of what exactly, she doesn’t know – but she knows she needs an answer. The more she looks for something, the more desperate she gets, not knowing what to look for. Then suddenly, something catches her eyes.

The white and blue calendar that's held up by magnets on the side of the fridge. She knows their calendar is red and yellow. They got it from their favorite flower market. Slowly, as if scared of what it might be there – “It's just a calendar, for fucks sake” – she approaches the damn thing. Upon inspection, she deems it as a normal calendar – she really doesn't know what she was expecting – until.

She knows what's wrong with it now.

It's November. She knows it, because the Asian and last leg of her first world tour is about to begin November 21st, eleven days from today. Right after Mike's birthday, she knows this.

Then why does the calendar say today is January 14th?

☆ ☆ ☆

Ashton woke up with a jolt. He quickly sat up, frightening the little Frenchie that was asleep right next to him on the bed. Trying to make sense of his surroundings, he roughly rubbed his face to get some sleep off of it and soon reached for the dog that was staring at him with sleepy but sad eyes. Ashton is sure Stitch understands far more than a dog is supposed to understand about their current situation.

The room is covered in shadows, almost pitch black, but he can see the sunlight even through the thick dark grey blinds covering up the windows. Ashton knows he won't be able to sleep again at that moment, so he gets up from the bed – much slower than he used to. His heartbeat is still out of control because of the nightmare that woke him up, but he can't bother to pay attention to it when Stitch is softly wailing beside him. Ashton lets out a ghost of a smile when the dog rests his head on his right upper thigh, looking up at him with an expression Ashton knows all too well.

“C'mon you little ravenous creature, let's feed you,” the bulldog excitedly jumps to the ground, already running his way down the stairs, not even waiting for Ashton to get up.

That gets a real smile out of him, but it vanishes as soon as he glances at the alarm clock on his bedside table. It reads 5:13 am, nothing out of the ordinary for him. But that small and inoffensive clock, with its red paint peeling off, holds a lot of memories for him. Memories that two months ago would bring joy to his heart, but now he almost wants to throw the object across the room.

It was a stupid thing, really. He had been wanting a vintage alarm clock and Olivia got one for his birthday. But the product they received was definitely not the one she bought, and if he's being honest, he didn't like it as much as he made out to. But seeing her so excited in the weeks before it arrived, and how disappointed she was when it did, he couldn't help but try his best to make her smile that luminous smile again. It's part of his nature by now.

That's also the reason why he lets her think that he doesn't notice when she wakes up at some ungodly hour (her words, not his) along with him, because of the annoying and only sound the alarm clock is able to produce. He always leaves soft kisses in every inch of bare skin he can find on her sleeping figure, so she goes back to the dream land and doesn't wake up before 10 am. No one wants to deal with that kind of bad humor, not even him.

As much as he likes being a morning person and absolutely enjoys her company in the mornings, he knows she'll take any and every extra hour of sleep she can get before starting the day. And that's why he loves that she's so stubborn that his early bird tendencies never got to her – he knows she feared that this would happen when they moved in together, but he met her like this, fell for her like this. He wouldn't change a single thing about her.

Ashton drags himself out of the bed, wincing slightly at how cold the wooden floors are under his bare feet. He doesn't bother putting some socks on, or a sweater – the cold weather in the house is uncharacteristically comforting to him. Nothing feels warm without her anyway.

While descending the stairs, he mentally curses himself for not being strong enough to look past the picture frames on the wall. One in particular catches his eyes – a picture from the night of Olivia's first concert with her band. The memories of that night are still painfully vivid in his mind: the laughter among their group that eventually infected everyone at the pub, Suki and Luke's first kiss and the silly smile that didn't leave his best friend's face all night, the standing ovation Olivia got after her three-songs set, and her captivating and breathtaking smile that made him realize right then and there, while watching her sway to the music, that he was definitely falling in love with her and there was nothing he could do to stop it – not that he wanted to.

So many memories held up on that wall, in the relatively short time since they met, that he can't help but wonder if that's all they'll get in this lifetime.

Ashton is abruptly taken out of his thoughts by Stitch's barks coming from the bottom of the stairs. He quickly jogs down the few steps left and goes straight after the dog's food in the kitchen's cabinet. After Stitch starts to happily devour his breakfast, Ashton goes to make his coffee, doing enough for two people like he always does, since Calum drops by most days for a chat or to drop Duke before going to work. Although all three of them know he just can't bother to make food for himself in the morning, while Ashton is the group's elected chef. Ashton always says he just needs a boyfriend – Olivia says Calum already has one who makes him breakfast every day.

He grabs an apple from the fridge and makes his way outside to their garden. Even though a lot of their memories took place there, the garden is the only space in the house where he doesn't feel like suffocating all the time. At least here, he can breathe some fresh air and look at the sky when he's feeling overwhelmed – which is basically all he's been doing for about a month now.

Yet, a lot of the garden has Olivia's name written all over.

He remembers vividly the day she came home after spending two weeks in LA doing some pocket shows, with a pack of daffodil seeds and the largest smile. She excitedly told him that a friend gifted it to her when she mentioned the little garden they were planning to build together at their new house. The friend told Olivia that daffodils symbolize rebirth and new beginnings, so as the good lover of symbolism that she is, Olivia loved the idea of having those flowers to symbolize their new beginning.

Ashton, on the other hand, wasn't a fan of the flowers at first – he just didn't see the appeal to them. But nonetheless, he indulged her, letting Olivia plant the seeds near the bench they used to sit during the quiet and unrushed afternoons, so they could admire the sunset, and she could happily look at the daffodils.

Pointless to say – the damn flowers grew on him.

Now, however, looking at them without Olivia and her contagious joy next to him, they were back to be as dull as they were before, if not more so.

Still lost inside his head without any sense of how much time went by since he sat down, Ashton doesn't hear the front door closing, and doesn't notice that he's no longer the only person inside the house until someone sits next to him on the bench. Yet, he doesn't show any sign of acknowledgement to them.

A few minutes go by before either of them speaks up.

“Luke said you didn't go to see her yesterday,” Calum starts softly, not wanting to disturb the calmness of the morning.

Ashton takes a few seconds to respond, “No point in doing that.” The black haired man licks his lips while thinking carefully about his next words.

“You know staying inside this house all day by yourself won't help either,” Calum turns his head to his left and takes a good look at Ashton's uncharacteristically hunched over figure, and immediately thinks that anyone can tell this man is not himself anymore. His second thought is that Olivia would hate seeing him like this.

“And what exactly do you expect me to do? Move on with my life like nothing happened? Like I'm not slowly and painfully losing the love of my life? Just because it’s easy for you doesn't mean it's easy for me.”

Calum closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. He knows Ashton doesn't mean it, it's the anger and frustration talking. He knows it. Doesn't make it sting any less.

“I'm not telling you to move on with your life, because that's far from what I'm doing, and I certainly don't expect you to do it. I'm just saying you need to occupy your mind or else–”

“I'll go insane? Think it's a bit too late for that,” Ashton interrupts with a bitter tone that doesn't belong to his usual chirpy voice.

“You know it's not,” Calum sighs and drinks the rest of his coffee, moving his body slightly, so he's facing the blonde man, “I got a job interview for you at that school you talked about so much last summer, the principal said you can go any day this week. I went ahead and sent her your resume as well as explained everything that she needs to know about Olivia, so you don't have to. You just gotta put on some decent clothes and show up.” he sees Ashton's face softening a little and takes it as a victory. A few beats go by and then, “Maybe take a shower too. That's gonna make you feel better.” Calum leans in closer to his friend's personal space and takes a sniff, causing Ashton to deflect from him slightly, but not to push him away – another small win.

“Definitely take a shower, you stink. When was the last time your hair saw shampoo?”

“Fuck off,” is Ashton's only reply to the younger man's inquest. But Calum can see a smile creeping up on the blonde's face, which brings out a smile of his own.

“I'll send you all the details later today,” he checks the hour on the watch on his wrist and gets up, “Just please, Ash, go. I can't lose you too.”

Calum gently lays a hand on Ashton's shoulder and squeezes a little. The man doesn't look up, but gives a curt nod to his friend, who's satisfied enough. Calum stops on the threshold of the garden glass doors to give some kisses to Stitch – who came to make Ashton company as soon as he finished his food –, and then he puts the coffee mug on the dishwater. And soon enough, he's on his way out of the door. But not before snatching a tangerine from the fridge.

Ashton is left by himself once again. As he hears the sound of the front door closing, he thinks that this might be his life from now on. Just him and Stitch, trying their hardest to make it through another miserable day without the love of their lives. While everyone else comes by just to make sure he's still breathing. Breathing, maybe, but alive?

Swallowing the tears, he looks up at the sky. It's a deep, beautiful mix of orange, pink and blue, but he knows that it won't last long and soon the rain will be pouring down. He thinks about how much Olivia loves the rain.

God, he needs to pull himself together. She would hate to see him like this. Maybe he should take Calum's offer after all, he really needs to occupy his mind.

Making a mental note to thank Calum later, and also to apologize for how rude he was to him this morning, Ashton slowly gets up from the bench to put his mug on the sink and makes his way to the living room, with the small dog loyally following his every step. He puts on some cartoon that for once doesn't remind him of her (she always lovingly made fun of him for still watching those) and cuddles with Stitch on the couch. He can take a shower later.

Not half an hour goes by, he falls asleep and has a good dream for a change. He dreams of the days he spent with Olivia in the Philippines last February, right before her first world tour started. Some of the most magical days of their lives – surrounded by delicious food, a whole new culture to learn about and the warmth of the sun. Infinite counted days full of love and passion, where they were the only people in the world.

Even his subconscious knows to hold on to that brief moment of happiness, because he might never live that again.

#anna writes #perhaps she does write after all #alright i'm gonna go hide somewhere now bye #ashton irwin fanfiction #ashton irwin fic #ashton 5sos #ashton irwin x oc #5sos fanfic #5sos fic #ashton irwin imagine #5 seconds of summer #5sos imagine #anna writes: rwylm

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fenoderee · 3 years

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Shinya [Drums] Interview

Our fourth solo interview is with Shinya, who is the foundation of the band. Shinya has been focusing on simple phrasing and groove in recent years, so how did he approach his latest album "Oboro"?

Basically I don't think about the details, I just do what comes to my mind and I don't worry about it.

-It seems that the songwriting process started very early on, but did you have the new album in mind from the beginning?

Shinya: That's right. I've been working on the songs for the new album. So we decided to release a single, and we talked about which of our existing songs we should release as a single, and "Oboro" was chosen.

-In your case, I personally feel that you've always written songs with a lot of energy or beauty. When you were thinking about the album, what kind of ideas and images did you have in your mind in the early stages of composition?

Shinya:I didn't really think about it before I wrote the song, I just started writing it, and as a result, I couldn't write anything but intense stuff.

-When you say "intense," do you mean songs with a fast BPM?

Shinya: That's right.

-There are several ways to compose a song, how did you do it this time?

Shinya: Recently, I've been using a plug-in guitar instrument that I really like. It has a lot of heavy sounds in it, so I just play it and think about what I want to do.

-What kind of composition system do you currently have at home? It is known to your fans that you are an Apple fanatic, and you seem to be changing to the latest version every year. Do you use the same kind of system for your compositions?

Shinya: It's the other way around, I'm very minimalistic now. I only use one laptop for composing.

-Do you want to install all your DTM software on the computer?

Shinya: That's right. I don't play guitar anymore when I write songs, so I've removed the audio interface. It's a very compact period.

-At the time of this writing, you are touring the country with the "Meguro Rokumeikan Gig", but if you take that computer with you, you can compose music in your dressing room?

Shinya: If I wanted to, I could, but I don't think I will (laughs).

-Did it change the way you came up with the ideas and the process of shaping the songs?

Shinya: That's right. When I used to compose, I used to play my guitar at home and write riffs by myself. But now I don't have a guitar and I'm working on it, so I think the guitar phrases I make have changed.

-So the intense songs you wrote were not chosen for the single, but do you have any plans to make it into the album?

Shinya: The song wasn't selected when it was written, so it was probably rejected (laughs).

-That's not something to say while laughing (laughs). By the way, Shinya, you're the type of person who actively goes to see other people's live performances. I think the main reason is because it's your favorite band or artist, but I also think that seeing a live performance can stimulate you in terms of calligraphy and creative therapy. Now that I have become a member of Corona, I can no longer go to live concerts, and DIR EN GREY has almost completely stopped performing. What do you do for musical input in such a situation?

Shinya: Hmmm... I don't think so at the moment (laughs). Especially when it comes to music.

-Do you ever go through various albums and videos by yourself?

Shinya: No, I don't. I just use what I have inside me right now.

-Shinya's musical tastes are well known to his fans, but is there anything new that has resonated with you during this composing process?

Shinya: Hmmm... I haven't explored anything new in the other solutions.

-Did you go back to your roots and what you like?

Shinya: No, I didn't think about that too much, I just made the songs naturally.

-How did you spend your time at stay home, as a musician and as an individual?

Shinya: I was doing nothing but editing videos (laughs). That's why I was spending most of my time on my YouTube channel.

-I've been watching it for a while now, and I'm also a subscriber to the channel, so please answer me politely (laughs).

Shinya: Oh, thank you very much (laughs).

-Of course it's fun to do, but is there anything exciting about it?

Shinya: When I was working on it, I thought that it was very similar to songwriting. You can keep working on it, and it never ends.

-If you want to be particular, you can go all the way.

That's right, even for a single video, there are endless things you can do.

-The timing of inserting a subtitle, the choice of font, etc.

Shinya: Yes, yes (laughs). Once you start paying attention to the details, there's really no end to it. It's similar to songwriting..

-Is Shinya the type of person who spends a lot of time focusing on various aspects of a song, even when he's writing it individually?

Shinya : With DIR EN GREY, I always bring the original songs to the studio before I've finished them. I know that as the members' ideas come in, it will definitely change from the shape I've created. That's why I don't go into too much detail (laughs), I only make it to a certain point because it's going to change anyway. I try to make it so that the members can understand the side of the song.

-You said that when you select songs in the band, you don't know who wrote which song. Do you ever get feedback from the band members afterwards?

Shinya: I was asked afterwards about the songs I wrote this time. "That's Shinya's song." Then, he said, "Oh, I liked it."

-So you've had that conversation? If you listen to the demo, do you know who made it?

Shinya: Yes, you're right. Yes, I don't have a definitive answer, but I can vaguely tell.

-Although it wasn't adopted, it's nice to be told that it's your favourite song.

Shinya: Well...yes, but the song selection is a majority decision.

-There are always multiple layers to a song, but each time you're inspired to write a new song from a different angle?

Shinya: No, I don't have any particular plans at the moment, since I'm in the middle of an explosive screening (laughs ). Once the songwriting starts again, I'm sure I'll be motivated like you said. I still have my computer with me, but I'm not writing songs, I'm collecting videos (laughs).

-That's a good point (laughs). You've been working on the album for a long time, what do you hope to achieve with it?

Shinya: Up until now, I've been thinking of songs that can evolve in a live setting, but this time, even if we make an album, we don't know if we will be able to perform live or tour like we have in the past. So I've been thinking about it with that situation in mind.

-In other words, rather than evolving through live performances, do you have a sense of construction that evolves completely during the production process?

Shinya: Well, to put it simply, it's a nuance.

-Do you want to take a different approach to the drums?

Shinya: No, when it comes to drum phrases, I don't think about the details, I just do what comes to my mind. I don't worry about it too much.

-What was your impression of this single, "Oboro", when you heard the original song?

Shinya: Well... I was working on several songs at the same time, and I don't remember what the original "Oboro" song sounded like.

-Were the other songs that you were arranging and pre-producing at the same time too strong for you?

Shinya: It was all very strong. The drum approach for "Oboro" was just what I thought of when I heard the original song, without any worries.

We're going to do a live performance for an audience on the 6th of May, but we don't know what's going to happen after that, so we're going to do it as if it might be our last one.

-You said that you often set up an electric drum machine at home and make drum arrangements while playing, is this the same style you used for "Oboro" and the new songs you were working on?

Shinya: When I'm thinking of drum phrases, I don't use an electric drum but just use the mouse. In the past, I used to focus on the basic groove of the song, and I used to add drum phrases while actually playing the drums. But the period of thinking while playing is over now…

-I didn't know you had such a time frame in mind (laughs). Thinking with the mouse is a way of avoiding the first days of DTM, isn't it?

Shinya: Yes, it's the way we did it in the beginning. I think the period of time I was thinking about it while I was in the city changed my way of thinking about drum place. It's hard to describe it in words (laughs).

-I'll take care of that. I'm a subscriber to the Shinya Channel, so be nice to me (lol).

Shinya: Well, I guess I should say I've got it all figured out. I've learned about the advantages of using an electric drum and the differences between using a mouse and thinking with an electric drum, and now I'm able to create phrases and grooves with just a mouse while playing the electric drum, so I think it's not a problem. I can now type in rhythms and phrases with the same time signature as if I were actually playing.

-Do you find it easier to come up with something unexpected by not thinking of phrases as you play?

Shinya: Yes, one of the advantages of playing the piano is that you can create phrases that you can't edit. You can create phrases that you can't edit with your own hands. That's why I started thinking about drum arrangements by typing with the mouse in the early days. In this song "Oboro", I used the mouse a lot in the A melody and other phrases. The demo phrases that I came up with using only the mouse were much stronger and weaker, but when I actually played them on live drums, I couldn't get that level of intensity.

-Do you mean simply the volume?

Shinya: That's right. The core of each sound has to come out properly in live drums, so even if you add a strong instrument, if it's too weak, the core won't come out. The image was different from the one I had in the mouse, but it turned out good, so I didn't have any trouble. I also thought a lot about the guitar in the drum braise of "Oboro". It's the solo part.

-It's a drum approach that is making a difference.

Shinya: Yes. I tried to make a good movement when I hit it. The form of the striking and the movement of the arms are flowing.

-You have a large number of cymbals anyway, and they are set up around the effects cymbals. Effect cymbals have a shorter blue sustain than normal cymbals. That's why when you use a lot of cymbals, do you consider the tendency of the sound of each cymbal and the length of the sustain while constructing the phrase itself?

Shinya: That's what I'm trying to do, to make it so that it's smooth and the previous movements flow. But when we were recording, we didn't talk about it that much. At the live show, I think "I used this cymbal on the recording, but I'll use that cymbal at the live show", so at the live show, I try to pursue the movement more.

-You‘re a drummer who can go beyond. You mentioned that you bring the same cymbals and settings to your recordings as you do live?

Shinya: There are as many cymbals as there are live, but the tycoons are more like two thimbles, two toms and one floor. It's a set of two toms and one floor.

-I think it's important to be careful when making drum sounds.

Shinya: Yes, it is. The drums are the most important part of the sound. I leave it to the tuner. I asked the tuner to listen to a demo of a drum phrase that I typed in with my mouse, and then I asked him to create a drum sound that would fit the phrase. I didn't start working with the drum tuner on recordings until 2019 (The World of Mercy), and he also joined me on several occasions during the tour. The sound on that tour was so good that we started asking them to play on 'The World of Mercy'. It's easier to make a good sound in a live setting, but if the tuner can make a sound that I'm happy with, then I can trust him for the recording. For the recording of "Oboro", they tuned it to the sound I had imagined from the beginning.

-I get the impression that you always do your recordings without getting bogged down, but this time?

Shinya: Just like that. We also recorded the coupling song "T.D.F.F." at that time, but we didn't get stuck. But I recorded it part by part, so it took a bit longer. If I'm happy with the intro, I'll go on to the A melody, and so on, starting from the beginning of the song. It takes a lot of concentration to record each part. Also, sometimes the song isn't written until the day before, so I haven't memorised the phrases yet (laughs). The structure of "Oboro" wasn't even ready until the day before we recorded it. So when I played it, I put the recording side by side and concentrated on each part.

-What did you think of the coupling track "T.D.F.F."?

Shinya: I didn't change much in terms of drum phrases, but I tried to give it a bit more energy. As a result, there are a little less detailed snare phrases than on the original version.

-When you do a self-remake, do you tend to go in with a different stance than the original?

Shinya: It depends on how it's arranged. If the whole arrangement is completely different, I'll consider it a controversial piece and work on it. But basically, I try not to change the original phrases. When SUGIZO joined X JAPAN, he said, "Classical phrases are all different depending on the performer, even if the phrases are not changed“ . That's why SUGIZO said he was playing the same phrases as HIDE. That's why I want to show that although the phrases are the same, they are actually different.

-It's all luck. Even though the phrases are the same, each note is different, and this progression is the growth.

Shinya: Yes. It's a bit embarrassing to call it growth, but I think it's different even though it's the same phrase. But there are things that only the ward of that time could do, but there are also things that only the ward of today can do.

-What mode are you in as a drummer in 2021?

Shinya: I don't really think about it, I just want to play a good drum.

-When I started thinking about the phrases in Mouse, it was also the time when the Band started performing and touring overseas, and the Band's drummers and musicians that I played with at festivals and other events were always saying, "The drums in DIR EN GREY are so circular and amazing. I wondered if Shinya had some kind of special meaning behind the way he phrased the songs“ .

Shinya: Even if I say I've gone back, the way I put it on is completely different from back then. I was thinking of doing something complicated back then, but now I'm thinking of making it as simple as possible. I'm saying that now, but I think it will change depending on what kind of new songs I'm going to play. I'm going to release "Oboro" as a single, but I don't think you can see the spirit of the album from this song alone, in fact I think the album will have a completely different feel. In addition to "Oboro", the other songs on the album will have more impact in the direction of things. I may have done something uncomplicated before the drums... (laughs).

-By the way, today was the first time you met your fans in Osaka, are you getting more excited about the show?

Shinya: Yes, I am. We're going to play to an audience on May 6th, but after that we don't know what will happen. So I'm going to do it with the mindset that it might be my last live. I'm looking forward to seeing how it will be expressed in the actual live performance.

Text/ YUKINOBU HASEGAWA, HIROKI KATAGIRI [GiGS/Equipment]

Photo/ REISHI EGUMA [C-LOVe CREATORS]

Translations by me.

#Dir en grey #Dir en grey Shinya #Dir en grey translation #fan translation #interview translation #Shinya #GiGS #Oboro #Dir en grey Oboro #magazine

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askfallenroyalty · 3 years

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I don't think you did anything wrong. When a story is being written, there are a lot of different ways to adress and express something and maybe that's why you're being misunderstood. I think there are just too many things to adress in this story that maybe some people will get when these things are implicitly implied and some people will not. So when a breaking point comes, they'd think it came out of nowhere. You can see this with the amount of asks you receive asking you often the same thing.

Does that mean it's wrong? Ofc not! I myself was a little bit confused with Frisk's reactions and conduct in general until you explained it in your recent asks, and I thought man, that was what I was missing!

Now, yes I believe some parts of the story could have been explained in a different way, because in my opinion there's a lot to read between the lines. If you don't try to understand the characters, you'll clearly be confused as hell. But that's why I love this story! As you said before, there's nothing meant to be black/white coded, and I really appreciate the world and the character's complexity in general. You don't have some of the answers in hand, an that's when you have to analize! (At least that's what I do haha)

I also really felt like telling you something I've been relating to, so I'm putting the respectives tw if someone doesn't want to keep reading (TW: Suicide mention).

In the DW Arc, when the Christmas and Feylow stuff happened, I realised through Chara that I was doing the exact same thing with a friend of mine. He was going through a lot of stuff, and tried to commit suicide multiple times. I was focusing a huge amount of energy on him because I was afraid to lose him, and when he suddenly stopped talking to me so he could take a break, I felt really lost. Because he was the person I talked with the most, one of my dearest friends, and the idea of losing him and not being there to stop it made me insanely anxious, because that used to be the situation most of the times. Now it's been a year since he's stopped talking to me, and I don't exactly know the reason. But I couldn't keep running behind someone who didn't seem to keep wanting me around. And if it wasn't for you, I couldn't have realized how much this was hurting me.

And now, as much as it hurts me to see him acting this distant and cold with me, I'm okay with it. I really am. Because I now have the tranquility to see him continue, even when things are not okay. I can't force a friendship and I really needed to understand that back then. I trust him as much as he trusts me.

I really wanted to thank you for writing this story because it has helped me in a way I didn't expect, and I'm sure it will help a lot of people too! I'm even learning from your way of taking and discussing things haha.

I just wanted you to have this tranquility I have with this story because I trust it'll work out and explain itself once it's finished. And I just can't express how thankful I am to be reading your story.

Thank you again,

I'm looking forward to more of your work and please, take care! Don't stop doing what you enjoy! 🦋

putting it under a readmore because of how long the ask/response is, sorry!

i’m at a loss of words because wow, this ask really hit in a way i’ve never really could of anticipated. when writing AFR, i write a story about things I felt. I’ve been Chara, I’ve been Asriel and Frisk at points in my life. I write because I need to tell their stories and make it real, specifically for my own sake of getting through my own pain and to tell the world this is who i am and that I will be ok, there is hope in this world. It’s a selfish desire for me, but ultimately that’s what art is i feel. I couldn’t draw this much and put so much time and effort into something without it being meaningful or personal.

but art is communication, and when I write to be seen and to be heard, I know there’s others who are reading and are connecting with the work. (otherwise, I wouldn’t be getting asks right? its a lonely process, i forget there’s the second half of the equation -you guys) and i’ll do my best to make sure people are accommodated and can experience this story without hurting in a way that’s past enjoying a emotionally gripping piece of media. i don’t want people to be upset or hurt for my work, and I want to ensure I can make this without hurting others.

I try to leave a lot of ambiguity and room for people to interpret stories and I don’t mind people missing the point or interpreting things vastly differently than what I intended. that’s fine, that’s what art is all about. i don’t want to hold people’s hands and tell them what’s happening or what they should feel -i want them to choose and decipher and think things over. stories should be stimulating and thought provoking, and i can’t decide what those thoughts are. I wouldn’t want to. Personally, if it means people become more confused and lost over the story -well, that’s a trade off I have to take. if it means the story is more up-to-interpretation, than it’s worth it to me.

i do regret with how fast and punchy the arc ended up, and I feel my hints may have been too weak. asriel/flowey has been bluntly surprised/asking to be killed twice, he hasn’t felt like himself since dying and has lost his support systems ect. as a person who’s Been Through Shit, I thought it was as obvious as the sun what was to come but thinking on it now?

with how distance asriel is, how limited the perspective is to chara (who hasn’t known Asriel has been going thru the same depressive/suicidal thoughts as they have this whole time) it was a shock to the system. and in a way that’s fine in my eyes if the reader was completely shocked as you can emphasize more with chara that way... but in the same sense its horrifying for them, it must be for the reader as well.

and I do feel I should of thought of a way to handle the scenario to where it was less in your-face with Asriel’s decent into desperation and attempts. I don’t want to ever show it on screen, I don’t want to ever go into detail and make it any sort of fun for the viewer. it’s supposed to be disturbing and painful and I tried to show how greatly painful it was affecting both chara and frisk. Suicide victims are victims and everyone involved suffer from it. It’s ugly and never something one should be anything but ugly.

that is my intent for it be that, but as I’ve heard from people it’s still a shock and went too far. Authorial intent doesn’t matter when people react to your stories. yes, the context can be good to have, but people’s feelings and reactions mean the world more. I hope with the added context of the complete story that helps it in the long run, but as it is I’m very unhappy with how I tackled it and I don’t really have a good answer to how I should of gone about it. but at the end of the day that doesn’t matter as it happened and I can’t change it.

i’m sorry about your friend and i’m sorry for the pain you’ve experienced as well. it’s not easy being in that position (nor is it for ur friend as well of course) and it’s perfectly fine to feel hurt and to take time for yourself to address those feelings. You, as a person, matter and your feelings are justifiably important as well. nobody asks to be mentally ill and your friend’s choices aren’t fully theirs because of that, but it doesn’t change how it’s affected and hurt you. Losing someone’s friendship has always been a painful and inevitable experience people must go thru in life. I’m sorry that you’ve gone through that, but I’m glad -so happy that my story has helped you in any amount. I sincerely wish you both the best and to heal, I’m proud of you anon for getting through this.

I can’t really express how much it means as a writer to see how my work helped you. Like I mentioned before, I write and feel like it’s by myself that makes this work but it’s a 2 way street -you guys contribute to the story and the story only exists and is perceived by you. without an audience, it really truly is just me here. what you gain and experience within a story is just as important as the writing of the work itself and I often forget that.

Thank you. This was a really nice and eye opening ask and it’s going to be on my mind for a while, haha. I hope once the story is done and I can post-correct how I handle the story, people can learn and gain meaning to it like you have. Sorry if this was a bit rambly, I’m very thankful for your response (as well as everyone else who’s messaged!) and I’m very happy and excited to continue and to do my best. Thank you all so much.

#ooc #tbd #not art #suicide #ask to tag #also sorry i do not mean to get so parasocial here! is it parasocial in this instance?#i'm not fully sure but regardless #i do want my readers to be ok and I hope its not out of line to respond like this #maybe i'm overthinking things im sorry asdfkljasd #Anonymous

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