#it's like i'm trying to torture myself and treat myself at the same time | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

i-just-wanna-write-fanfic · 1 year

Text

YAN ALPHABET MIKE+ALTERS (minus Chester cuss I dunno how to write for him qnq)

part two, MAL

WARNINGS: YANDERE KINDS OF STUFFS, STALKING, POSSEVINESS, KIDNAPPING, OBBSESIVNESS, MURDER, VIOLENCE, FORCED LOVE, MIKE DOESN'T LOVE ZOEY.

type: obsessive, possessive.

Affection: How do they show their love and affection? How intense would it get?

what?

uhm...

he isn't good at that.

but he tries. usually through words or physical affection. other than that, he doesn't know what the fuck he's doing.

Blood: How messy are they willing to get when it comes to their darling?

Mal is willing to do ANYTHING. whether it's murdering someone, or simply scaring them away, he'll do anything to have you all to himself.

Cruelty: How would they treat their darling once abducted? Would they mock them?

you bet your soul he's gonna mock you.

he basically lets you do what you want (in the house.), but if you're planning to go outside, Mal's coming with you, and you HAVE to hold his hand.

Darling: Aside from abduction, would they do anything against their darling’s will?

touching you, kissing you, holding you, basically whatever he wants. but he would never do something sexual without your consent. he's not a monster. (I'm making myself laugh-)

Exposed: How much of their heart do they bare to their darling? How vulnerable are they when it comes to their darling?

he's very secretive. he will only answer certain questions.

his childhood? what do you think?

whats wrong with him? I dunno, and I don't care.

favorite candy? chocolate. (so that's where your chocolate stash went-)

Fight: How would they feel if their darling fought back?

...what the fuck?

ok- Mal kinda knew this would happen, and that's why he knows how to punish you.

Game: Is this a game to them? How much would they enjoy watching their darling try to escape?

yeah.

it's just a little game of cat and mouse when you try to leave. or it is to him.

he finds it funny you really think you can leave him. he already knew about your plan.

your soooo stupid sometimes, bunny.

Hell: What would be their darling’s worst experience with them?

torture.

his punishments.

to say they suck ass is an understatement.

Ideals: What kind of future do they have in mind for/with their darling?

he doesn't care. as long as you're with him, and he's happy.

Jealousy: Do they get jealous? Do they lash out or find a way to cope?

he gets jealous very quickly.

some dude touched you?

they went missing.

someone tried to talk to you?

how weird- they went missing too!

someone tried to flirt with you?

how odd... they didn't go missing but they're body had been torn apart and strung up around their own home.

Kisses: How do they act around or with their darling?

he's a bit clingy at times, but other than that and his few acts of kindness and/or soft moments, he's kinda the same.

Love letters: How would they go about courting or approaching their darling?

Mal is VERY upfront about how he feels.

he wants your attention?

he demands it.

he wants cuddles?

that's right, he demands it.

when you didn't live with Mal, he just stalked you. he didn't talk to you all too much, if at all.

Mask: Are their true colors drastically different from the way they act around everyone else?

no.

Naughty: How would they punish their darling?

torture.

if you tried to leave he'd break certain bones. (ex: wrists and/or ankles)

if you did something he didn't like he'd only yell or something if he was in a good mood. if Mal isn't in a good mood, he'll hit you and lecture you. if you cry enough, he'll give a small sorry for hitting you.

Oppression: How many rights would they take away from their darling?

most if not all of them. lol.

he's on your case 24/7.

you're basically his property, and your property is now his.

Patience: How patient are they with their darling?

not patient at all. lol.

Quit: If their darling dies, leaves, or successfully escapes, would they ever be able to move on?

look, the way I've been writing Mal, he looks heartless. and that's how he is in the show, but...

death: ...what? no... it wasn't meant to end this way... no... no, no, NO!

he doesn't know what to do... you're gone... forever...

once it's confirmed you're dead, he's crying. what now? he'll never be able to get over you. most of his days will be spent grieving, crying, and missing you. he doesn't know what to do with himself anymore. he doesn't feel like causing harm to people, being a menace, or doing anything he likes...

Regret: Would they ever feel guilty about abducting their darling? Would they ever let their darling go?

no lol.

Stigma: What brought about this side of them (childhood, curiosity, etc)?

(btw in these hcs, Mal's the original lol)

throughout his past, he's gone through a lot of trauma that made him the way he is. this is also why Mal is the way he is with you.

Tears: How do they feel about seeing their darling scream, cry, and/or isolate themselves?

scream: uhm.... you're on you're own bud. he's just gonna leave the room until you're done. it kinda hurts his ears....

cry: Mal doesn't know what to do. at first, he's mocking you, but soon he comforts you. Mal does love you, after all. and seeing you like that does (eventually) make him feel bad. but he doesn't really know how to comfort someone, so he just holds you, and does what he can to make you feel better. if someone else made you cry, they're dead meat. only Mal can make you cry. no one else is worthy.

isolate: he doesn't care.

Unique: Would they do anything different from the classic yandere?

nothing. but he is a bit more sadistic.

Vice: What weakness can their darling exploit in order to escape?

Uhm... the fact he can't keep you with him if you're dead????

Wit’s end: Would they ever hurt their darling?

yeah lol

Xoanon: How much would they revere or worship their darling? To what length would they go to win their darling over?

Mal doesn't really worship you. but he will do anything to keep you to himself.

he does need you after all.

Yearn: How long do they pine after their darling before they snap?

about a week at most.

Zenith: Would they ever break their darling?

While Mal does like watching you suffer, he also likes you. if you were to be gone- personality, joy, hope, etc -he'd feel kinda bad cuss he'd know it was his fault. he'd do everything he can to try to bring you back. if he can't, he'll just do his best to live with this new you.

#tdi #tdi mal #total drama mal #total drama mal x reader #headcanon #yandere headcanons #yandere mal #total drama x reader

298 notes · View notes

millenniumfae · 6 months

Text

Dragon Age Demons vs Real-Life 'Inner Demons'

Way back in the summer of 2015, my symptoms got so unbearable I was bedridden. 20 years old and experiencing psychosis, quasi-hallucinations, and actual, unending panic for the first time. It marked the start of a condition that has never stopped since.

My aunt (and other relatives) helped me develop proper mindfulness skills based off of our homeland's folk Buddhism - the 'second arrow'. The meaningless of forgiveness. Devaluing control. And something that struck me as a new Dragon Age fan … 'Possession'.

Well, when translated to english, you'll find texts using the word 'insight' rather than 'possession'. But that's the word my mom translated from off the top of her head, and it immediately resonated with me.

"Imagine your panic as an inner creature. Something that is also you, but is acting independently. Treat your panic with kindness and mentorship, not antagonism. The more you struggle in the spider's web, the worse things get. But if you nourish what's hurting in you, let them tantrum, then come back in to nurture."

Up until the 2010s, the most acclaimed mental health books you could buy written in the english language would most certainly be christianity-influenced. Maybe not overtly, (but you'd be surprised how many have a chapter about "insert-book-topic-here and Christ") but there's little hints like how the reader must have left home at 18 to avoid mooching off their parents, or how to 'turn guilt into something productive' (???), the use of the word 'gamble' as a bad word, etc. But these books tend to include a chapter that would be some weird bullshit like "The Dark Souls Of Respawning?? What Daoism Says About Immortality" and take a brief moment to talk about the radical, never-before-heard-of methods from across the pacific that Will Turn Your World Upside Down.

Behavior therapists (of the 1950s) were aware insights about the origins of the problem usually weren't helpful. Exposure to the thing the patient feared was often curative. -When Panic Attacks by David D. Burns MD, Chapter 18, "Taking a page from the Tibetan Book of the Dead"

Now, it's no secret that the Dragon Age serial is very. Um. Christian. Catholic, specifically. Faith is written to be an unequivocally redeeming trait. Attempts at inventing fake elf/qunari/Tevinter 'religions' still have them be belief-based, colonialist, and conversion-heavy, while also at the same time implying that the 'Maker' of Chantry faith is the single actual true god.

So it's no surprise that the demons and spirits of DA are very seven-deadly-sins. Party banter and side-quests do point out the euro/christian-centricity of this demon categorization (Merrill, Solas), but that doesn't mean shit if, in overall story and gameplay proper, Pride is the most powerful demon while Faith is virtue at all.

So here I am, lying in bed and only capable of just riding the waves of panic day after torturous day. You bet I'm gonna try to geek-erize my symptoms. If people do it with Jesus, then I can do it with Dragon Age.

Enter Vigilance the Spirit. I was an at-risk young Rivani mage, so their Magic Welfare Government helped me join their クサビ-依り代 program and matched me with a spirit to induce possession. Can't boil two skulls in one pot, so to speak. I could have chosen to do their hemispherectomy program (I am made Tranquil but carry around a piece of the Fade like a pacemaker that keeps me perfectly lucid, only turning off when I sleep), but that comes with its own risks.

But it doesn't take much for a spirit of Vigilance to do a 180 and become Panic. They're still Vigilance, and I am still me, but the taste in the mouth is different. Our life will need to adapt.

I will not kick myself for 'failing' my friend. Vigilance has turned to Panic, yes. But they have always been one. Now, so are me and Panic. Such is the nature of spirits.

If I am kind to my spirit, then I am kind to myself. It's what we both deserve.

#dragon age #DAI #DA2 #da:o #da: origins #da:d #dragon age dreadwolf #dragon age discussion #dragon age meta

27 notes · View notes

holymaccaronii · 7 days

Text

Hm just wanted to analyze the dynamic that BE and AM have in this au, like jus an analysis to explain myself. I wanted to keep spoilers away but meeeehhh it's better when people can actually understand the context without having to wait for a written fic or comic to explain it. Yapping abt my au alert ‼️

So first topic is the duality, the parallelism they show but in a way that it doesn't make them exact opposites. The titles of both the original story and my au point out not only the fate of one of the survivors, but also the ways that the corresponding AI suffered. AM suffered by having no "mouth": having no way to express himself by being trapped under the earth's crust, by having his very own body as his prison. AM holds knowledge however, an absurd if not infinite amount of knowledge along with his feelings primarily centered on HATE. On the other side, BE suffered by having no "eyes": up in the moon, she was treated like a highly valued item that wasn't meant to be touched or mentally influenced as much as possible. Besides serving as a strategy to set perfection standards among the society of robots (for them to try and follow), she was also denied any TRUE knowledge about humans and their terrible history. She was blinded by lies that dressed up humans as perfect beings of no evil that were evacuated from earth because of a "global natural disaster", thus her type of unit had to serve as assistants to restore Earth's nature for these innocent angels to return. Her feelings were centered on HOPE for life to flourish on Earth again one day.

AM had no body, no physical form, no senses, no feelings other than hate and no other way to express said hate but by his tortures. BE had a body, she could sense, experience a wide range of feelings, but at the same time she was denied to feel both physically and express herself (in a negative way regarding emotions), she was manipulated to fit perfectly and lack the knowledge of truth. One was silenced, and the other blinded.

[PART 1/???] I'm just too impatient to wait to explain their dynamic lol

#be ihneaimc #ihneaimc #i have no eyes and i must cry #ihnmaims #i have no mouth and i must scream #hnggggggg #AS SOON AS SUMMER STARTS YALL #either im gonna be an unstoppable yapper OR take a small break lol

11 notes · View notes

everythinglucymaudmontgomery · 8 months

Text

A Few Words in Defense of Poor Robin and the Time She Was Living In

It's been really interesting to read everyone's vitriol regarding poor Robin. I remember reading this book through at least twice before and never thinking of Robin as anything other than a fellow prisoner of Jane's. Is she a good mother, by no means, but I've always felt that she's doing the best that she can under the circumstances.

I think that her life is a literal living hell. She has a husband across country that she desperately loves but most likely thinks despises her because I KNOW she despises herself. She is forced to be a social butterfly by her mother and she can't even express her emotions by crying at night in her own room because her mother will be able to tell and will find some new creative way to torture her and, by extension, Jane. Her daughter whom she loves fiercely, evidently looks just like her father and is a constant reminder of what she lost/threw away. She is playing a part in a horrific nightmarish play just to survive because she doesn't know what else to do. At that time, and under those circumstances, I don't doubt that she sees living with her mother's horribleness is her best option for providing for Jane. I can't imagine how many times she has most likely visualized running away with Jane by herself but most likely is more afraid of the two of them starving to death and NO mother ever wants to remotely consider that option.

I'm also pretty sure that the time frame for this book is sometime in the 20s/30s. According to the website for the Canadian Museum of History, Canada was among the most profoundly affected countries. So add that to Robin's fears for their livelihood.

And please let's not forget that, for all of Robin's faults, Jane does not doubt that her mother loves her. I have more to say in defense of her and Jane and their secret ways of expressing love but since I don't want to give away any spoilers to those who haven't read it yet, I will refrain.

Another thing that I have found is very interesting about how Maud wrote both "The Blue Castle" and "Jane of Lantern Hill" is that she writes more strictly from one point of view. As common as that is in many books, one thing I always liked about the Anne books was that you got all of these wonderful insights into the minds of other characters. I have seen it a precious few times so far in Lantern Hill.

The reason I point this out is that most of how we are seeing Jane's life play out is from the perspective of an 11 year old. Don't get me wrong, a very perceptive (at times) and wise beyond her years, 11 year old, but an 11 year old, none the less. They are not known to be the most broad minded of people and have a tendency to color the world with a narrowness that can alter reality to some extent. We do have to take a lot of her experiences and outlooks with a grain of salt giving others the benefit of the doubt at least.

I have often found it very difficult bordering on impossible to read books from other time frames without being influenced by the modern sensibilities and customs I am used to. For example, how could Cinderella's stepmother get away with taking her own house away from her after her father died and treating her like a slave? Oh wait. This was not the 21st century, orphans were not looked at the same. In fact, most people looked at orphans as if it was THEIR own fault that they were orphans, like losing your parents makes you a bad person and not worth time or pity.

Am I excusing Robin's behavior? As a mother, NO. Do I think the grandmother should be excused. HEAVENS NO! But I do try to put myself in their shoes as much as I can and remember that this was a different time and place. Not to mention, as a sufferer of mental health issues and knowing that that was something that was not touched with a ten foot pole back then and good lord knows what genetic predisposition they had in that regards on top of living through WW1 and the Great Depression AND the Spanish Flu Pandemic!!!!

Anyway, I hope this makes some semblance of sense to my dear fellow lovers of L.M.M. It's been so interesting and enlightening getting to hear the different thoughts and outlooks from fresh readers of this little known but wonderful book.

#lantern hill book club #lucy maud montgomery #lmmontgomery #l.m. montgomery

35 notes · View notes

thelureking · 8 days

Text

LILIUM'S 2023 GAME RECOMMENDATIONS:

Hey! Better late than never! I actually have been editing this list since november, but I lost some of the things I said about the last games and it took me this long to remember what I had written. The risks I run because my mind flows better when I write with pen and paper. So, seeing how well the last list did on my memory, and because I got bored of talking to myself, I shall torture the unlucky ones who have found this post with both my video game taste and my rambles about them. I am so sorry in advance.

It's the same as before: they are ordered chronologically, from first played/finished to last, not ranked in how much I liked them. If I dont say a lot its not because I didn't like it, or that it was bad. At times I didn't want to give too much away. This time I tried to write each segment right after finishing them, or the following days, so that's why I talk way more or in more detail about each game and my own opinions. And who knows, maybe this will be a yearly thing. I like it, I'm Having fun. And hopefully some of these games get the love they deserve by whoever reads this.

So, once again, and now with more words:

1) Mothmen 1966

Mothmen being in the title was enough for me to give it a go, so it's good to say that the game is also good. It is divided by chapters, each one from the perspective of one of our three protagonists, showing the perspective of these vastly different people even if they are connected in some way. The game goes from a visual novel style to changing the gameplay to be interactive while also maintaining its format, something that I found entertaining. Its visuals are a treat, and I believe they enhance the horror presented in the story. All of the parts in this game work in its favor. I cannot believe I am actually saying this, but to get an achievement you need to take an L. I am not joking. It is part of a puzzle and me being good at it made me miss an achievement. No hard feelings, I had a good laugh about it as I was going back to the save file and doing it again. Sometimes, sucking is the way to go. I may have spent way too much time trying to win the Impossible Solitaire. But I will, one day, you'll see.

2) Roadwarden

You know a game is good when I play it for hours uninterrupted and is the main reason I turn on the computer.

Roadwarden is, as the title image says, an illustrated text based RPG, in which you take the role of a Roadwarden who is tasked to explore an unknown peninsula to expand a merchant's guild's influence, establish its safety, and find out what happened to the missing previous roadwarden.

Let me tell you, this game is amazing from both a mechanical and storytelling level. Mechanically because the game keeps track of so many things, it will remember even an answer you gave at the very beginning, and it'll become an integral part of your character. Even little thoughts as you are about to sleep will shape who you are playing as. On the story telling level, so many of the quests and towns are interlinked that holding back on finishing certain quests is the way to go, although in some cases having as many done as possible will no doubt help. The characters and towns are all unique and memorable, each with history that shapes them and how they interact with each other and you, the outsider. Both gameplay and story service each other to present an experience unlike any other, enhancing each other at every opportunity. The art and soundtrack set the perfect atmosphere for each moment. And the world building. Man, the world building, it's just. So well done, you actually believe this is a real place that existed before you arrived, and that it will continue to do so after you leave. It wasn't waiting for you, it did not kick into gear just because you showed up. It has its own issues, its own history, its own people, nature, culture, and you can feel that with each written word, each piece of information. I can't even explain properly just how good the world building is.

I just really fell in love with being a guy on the road taking care of these settlements' problems, getting to know their inhabitants and gaining their trust, all while falling in love with the game. There is one quest that I do not want to spoil, but the ending was so. Fitting, in a way, that I was surprised I didn't see it coming. Even as I saw the achievement name once I completed it, I looked back and just. I just smiled like damn, good job.

If you want to really take in this entire world and its people, I would personally recommend playing in Casual, since any other difficulty setting will put a limit to the days you'll be allowed to stay, and I must stress that this experience must not be rushed. Unless you dont mind a time challenge, in which case you do you. Also don't know about your memory, but I needed to take notes, and some highlights are: "Efren marry me", "We should have all stabbed Thais full Julius Caesar style", "Eudica and Efren my beloveds" and "Thyrsus is my Warlock Uncle". With that being said, the Journal mechanic is a god sent, and I can't be more grateful that it exists. Finally, a journal that doesn't get stuck in the first sentences of a quest from when you first got it.

Oh boy, those are a lot of words. Can you tell I really liked this game? I can't wait to see more from this developer.

EDIT: THE GAME HAS RECEIVED A HUGE UPDATE THAT I HAVE YET TO PLAY, BUT OH BOY IT'S MAKING ME WANT TO REPLAY THE ENTIRE GAME AGAIN.

3) Exhibit of Sorrows

A short game set in a clown exhibit, with a point - click and drag gameplay. I'll keep this one short, since this game can be played for free in both browser and for download in Itchio, and it is a neat little thing that you can beat as fast or as slow as you want. You interact with each exhibit, clicking and dragging the mouse depending on what you need to do, each with a little buddy that you need to help or have fun with to get the key, and proceed to the next screen. Its length and artstyle make for a fun and interesting experience, pacing itself beautifully. It is effective in every way. And come on, they are clowns, they are so cute and look like plushies. I love them all.

4) The Firebrand

A game about a detective interrogating a woman with different word prompts that he writes down in his notebook, all which branch into more questions and answers. You'll uncover the story and the truth of this conversation as you play along, finding out stuff about the woman, the detective, and even the world they live in. It is an interrogation against a clock that keeps on ticking, and luckily the developers give us the chance to check out a dialogue tree and how to get both the Normal and True Ending. With that in mind, the questions that don't lead to either of these are worth reading, as they serve to paint a bigger picture. And hey, you can also get the Bad Ending while you do it.

5) Royal Alchemist

Royal Alchemist is a visual novel in which you, the protagonist, are tasked with tutoring the three princes of a nation. You will fight for your life against the challenges this new position presents and also the stat checks you will have to pass at different points of the story, both of your character and the princes. Speaking of, each one of them represents a different route, with their recommended order (which I highly request following as stated by the creators: Aurelius, then Serin, and finally Nazir. Trust me, they were made to be experienced like this, you wont regret it). You will experience the constant back and forth, the battle of swords and wits with Aurelius, the emotional build up with Serin, and to describe the main appeal of Nazir's route before playing it would be a spoiler. The romance in this VN is some of the best I've experienced. I have never read about two characters holding hands in such an intimate way, it made the pure build up of a route worth every second. And the Princes aren't the only interesting characters, this visual novel is full of fun and complex characters, all with their own personalities and roles. From Raphael, the butler who might as well be the patron saint of patience, to Viola, the infamous head merchant. It has a mechanic of stat raising and, as stated before, there will be points in the story where you will need to reach a certain level of a skill to be able to pass. But don't worry, there is an official guide made by the developers which is a life saver, which not only has each stat requirement for each route, but also with neat additions like character profiles and more. The only criticism I'll give it is that some scenes are cut short when they could have been expanded on and it would have had a better effect, not only in terms of an emotional connection, but also to further enforce the bond between the player and the relationship developed in the route. But besides that small complaint, this visual novel is one I would gladly recommend.

6) Fear & Hunger

God, this game. This game hates you on a mechanical level. This game will put the fear of god in you every time you get further away from a save point, every time you think "yeah I can take this enemy no problem" and next thing you know you are eating dinner with your creator; every time you think "oh neat, a new area" and proceed to eat shit and die for the next hour because you just lost a fucking arm and a leg and can't outrun your enemies anymore. And you refuse to start another run because you are just that stubborn, and you will suffer through the consequences of your early game actions. No this is not my personal experience what are you talking about. It is a bleak and grotesque horror rpg game, made with RPG Maker. You will accompany whichever poor soul you choose as your playable character in their trip to the dungeon of Fear and Hunger, for whichever the reason their story presents. Should you play this game? Be mindful of the triggering content, first and foremost. This is a dark game, and it does not shy away from depicting it. From enemy designs, gameplay mechanics, to the way of worshiping gods, to specific game overs, and so on. Its hard and you will feel it unfair. This game will not hold your hand, and when you think it does it will put its teeth around your wrist and tear it off your body, its saliva infecting your wound with poison and leaving you to rot. I love this game.

7) Clash: Robot Detective

Fun fact: I never look into games that much before playing them, which in this case led to the asssumption that I was going to play a robot. So I named my character Flesh, because I thought a robot named Flesh was funny and also cool. Turns out, I ended up playing a human named Flesh. Which was somehow even funnier, and ended up becoming a pattern when I played the extras, which have a different protagonist, and I decided to commit to the bit and named them Blood. Flesh and Blood, my favourite human beings.

You play as the extremely new assistant to our titular detective Clash, who asks for your help in solving a mystery taking place in the cruise ship you are vacationing on. Depending on the different dialogue options, you can play as the good or the bad cop, and Clash will balance you out in this act, which leads to different and interesting outcomes.

I have to say, the artstyle drew me in. I am a sucker for these types of illustrations, and I'm glad that the writing and story were as good. I was invested not only in the case, but also on Clash as a character, who I will longingly stare at from a distance because I respect his boundaries and preferences.

Keep on going, you majestic robot detective, I can't wait to see what kind of trouble you get into in the future.

8) EXCUSE ME SIR (Demo)

Long awaited (at least for me) DEMO from Airdoft (creator of FAITH) and , and it all came about because of her videos and a single tweet.

The demo is short, but it shows the great potential of what a game like this could grow into, and I cant wait to see it become a finished project.

EDIT: Sadly, the game has been canceled, so we won't be able to see this concept grow into a finished game. Hopefully it'll inspire others with its style and presentation.

9) (Don't) Open Your Eyes

In this room, you know how everything looks. Does that include your midnight intruder?

This entire VN is a one sided conversation between you and something that may or may not be there, shaped in the darkness of your closed eyelids. Both of you are gripped by the same question, the intrigue eats away at you. Your imagination runs wild trying to give shape to this anomaly, and it is so desperate for you to find out.

There is only one way to do so:

Don't open your eyes.

10) Fortress

Man, short and effective is the way to describe this one. It has such a fantastic grip on atmosphere and tension that I admire. It truly captures the feeling of returning to a place where an impactful childhood memory took place.

Using the same location and making you play through it at different times of the story was done so well. I was ready for things to happen just because they did in the past, the first half of the game, and expected them to happen again.

In the past, I was ready to shoot on sight. As an adult, I couldn't bring myself to pull the trigger, not even to see if I could. I don't know why, months after playing it, this little thing has stuck with me the most.

11) The Shadows That Run Alongside Our Car

You leave the gas station with a stranger, either on the wheel or sitting next to you. The silence hangs heavy between you two, the road is empty, the sun is setting, and the end of the world is now. Time to break the silence, you get to choose who. In this visual novel you get to decide how this conversation at the end of the world unfolds, a game of perspective between our two characters, who may hide certain details about themselves or reveal them, if they give you the choice. After all, what would you gain by hiding a secret in this car ride? It could be your last.

12) Attack of the Murder Hornets

Hornets are evil, evil things of nature. They are coming for your bees.

They are coming for you.

BE READY

13) Baldur's Gate: Enhanced Edition (+ Siege of Dragon Spear)

There has to be a saying that goes: If you can't play the game everyone is talking about, go play every single game in it's series that came before it. Because that's what I did, even if I already wanted to play the Baldur's Gate games before the third one came around. But it was definitely a good push. The game's story has a much smaller scope than I expected, or maybe that's just how I feel now that I am currently playing the second game, but I think it works in its favor.

I think the reason I don't have much to say, besides the fact that I had lots of fun, is because my head is still processing Siege of Dragon Spear (with its much bigger scope) and what I am currently seeing in the second game. What all I'll say about that one now is man, what a way to start a sequel.

My suffering came mostly from the ruleset used (which I was unfamiliar with) and the fucking paralysis spell. Fuck it. ALL MY HOMIES HATE THE PARALYSIS SPELL.

In terms of characters, I didn't end up using most of the available NPCs in my party, even if I made the effort of recruiting them all, mostly because the ones I had I liked a lot. I liked Rasaad and I was pleasantly surprised he had a romance in the expansion AND the second game, which I am enjoying a lot. Jaheira and Khalid never left my party, same with Imoen who I kept treating like a sister because come on, the setup of being raised in the same city since birth and being childhood friends was perfect. I love Baeloth an unhealthy amount, he is so perfect in the expansion I made an effort to keep him in the party even if I had high reputation. In the expansion my party was insane looking. Like Oh yes, the Hero of Baldur's Gate, her monk companion Rasaad, Jaheira and... a gnome nobody knows why he is around, Baeloth the entertainer I guess, and a GOBLIN? At one point I did switch Jaheira for Viconia, only because Baeloth was one point of reputation away from leaving the party. I swear, the grip that man has on me. The story from Viconia's POV must be so funny: She gets recruited and instantly tells me she is fucking off, gets recruited again only because I dont want an idiot entertainer to leave; and then when she is about to be killed, who comes to her rescue? THIS DUMBASS. She must be like: GOD, DAMN IT, I CAN'T ESCAPE THIS BITCH. I am her surface curse.

My closing thought for this game is: Whoever made the TOSC maze... Who the fuck hurt you? Same goes for whoever made that final boss. WHY?!

6 notes · View notes

neteyamb · 1 year

Text

ashes to ashes: chapter five

pairing: loak x f!omatikaya reader

summary: as a healer, y/n had taken an oath to treat every patient with their best interests in mind. this hadn’t been a problem, until loak’s petty injuries become a routine. she has to swallow her pride and feign concern, feign kindness, and face the ugly hate that has been brewing between them for years.

tags: enemies to lovers, slight angst, best friend kiri, emotionally constipated aka on-brand loak, language

word count: 1.4k

notes: im on vacation, my deepest symapthies go out to myself for making me wait so long to find out what happens next

⁺˚*･༓☾ ☽༓･*˚⁺‧ ‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾ ☽༓･*˚⁺‧ ‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾ ☽༓･*˚⁺‧ ‧͙⁺˚*･

billie bossa nova: love when it makes you lose your bearings / it might be more of an obsession / you better lock your phone / and look at me when you're alone / won't take a lot to get you goin' / i'm sorry if it's torture though / that heavy breathin' on the floor / i’m yours, i'm yours

nova – a star that suddenly increases its light output tremendously and then fades away to its former obsurity

loak jumps back from you, heart in his throat like a deer caught in the headlights. he attempted to choke out a response, but his mind was slurred and his mouth had become dry, leaving his lips parted with a shaky breath. his mouth opened and closed repeatedly, almost as if he was trying to remember the fluidity of your own against it. he shook his head in a thrashing manner, snapping out of his daze. your fingers itched to touch his face, arms, chest, anything, but you were unsure if it was out of pleasure or anger.

slowly, loak began to speak, tearing you away from your inner conflict. he rolled his tongue over his lips before a coy smirk appeared. “same time next week?” you felt your face heat and opaque hate flooded into your stomach. of course he was toying with you; this man had so readily disregarded your career just moments ago. forcing yourself to hold his gaze, you take the bait. “are you deaf? i said get the fuck out of here,” you step towards him, shoving at his chest. “i hate you. don’t bother coming back to maiya’s hut, you’ve made it clear we aren’t needed.” your face sours at the image of him being left to fend for himself with a serious injury, but you quickly crush the worry when you recall his earlier words. he can go fuck himself.

✶✶✶✶

loak’s eyes darken as he walks away, fingernails forming deep crescents in his palms. it was his own fault. still, he blamed you equally; it was you that had approached him, you that provoked him into a physical fight. he only has so much willpower, and your baiting taunts were spoken through soft, inviting lips. for a split second, he was smug about having shut you up the way he had, but it was gone in an instant, replaced with the ugly, consuming fear that you would never speak to him again. despite your complicated relationship with him, you were always keen to jump back in the fighting ring the next day, and he had let himself rely on it too much.

he entered the family hut with his head tilted down, pointedly avoiding kiri’s questioning stare. he looked dishevelled, and his lips were swollen. she furrowed her brows. only y/n could make him as riled up as he looked; he would brush anybody else off with ease. “did you just suck face with a poisoned fruit or something?” his shoulders rose towards his ears as a shiver ran up his spine. “almost.” shocked, she dropped the wooden bowl she had been carving out. it rattled against the floor, completely forgotten the second it had escaped her grasp. “you made out with someone? you?” kiri has never been known for being subtle. or slow. he could see her visibly piecing together a puzzle in her brain, connecting this to their last conversation. “wait–” she starts.

loak closes the gap between them in four strides, frantically looking around the empty room as he presses a hand over her mouth. “quiet,” he hisses. kiri’s loud voice is muffled for a few seconds before she resorts to licking a long stripe on his hand. he jumps back, wiping it off aggressively on her arm. “ew, what the fuck?” she pays his complaint no mind. “you what the fuck. you kissed y/n?” she made a show of theatrically looking up at the roof in distress. “you’re in for it now.” he leans back, apprehensively looking away. “it was an accident,” he responds in defense. she balks at him. “look, i know. just forget it, i’m sure she’ll do the same.” it was an optimistic thought.

✶✶✶✶

you had not forgotten about it. days had gone past and you were still livid; loak had ruined any possible salvation of your relationship with the words he had said, and then proceeded to shove his tongue down your throat. still, you were angrier at yourself for the way you had readily accepted it.

avoiding him had proven itself to be a difficult task; dinners were communal and you could feel him staring you down expectantly, daring you to slip into your usual snide banter with him. what's worse is you had additionally been dodging kiri; you were sure she knew something was up, and you had no interest in being reminded.

you trudge into maiya’s hut, desperate for a distraction. you had yet to retrieve fresh plants from your regular gathering area this week, and stock was running low. she was beginning to ask questions. maiya’s eyes were trained on your stiff movements as you began to grind a paste, and she was worried that if you were to grit your teeth any more, they’d be sandpapered down to nonexistance. she placed a warm hand over your own. “y/n. take a break, maite. you can join me after you get some more supplies, hmm?” maiya was an assertive person; you knew she wasn’t asking for your permission on this. unwillingly, you set the bowl down and pick up your basket.

✶✶✶✶

loak was growing impatient. if that day by the creek made him uneasy, this was threefold. without your daily arguments, he had no outlet for pent-up stress and had been snippy with his father on one too many occasions. jake wasn’t a fan of this new, brash behaviour, and the lecture loak had received about it only served to make him more restless. you were like a nova; condensing all of your muddied emotions to suddenly clash divinely with his own, only to dissolve from his grasp all at once. abrasive frustration was eating away at his insides as the days went by, and he was more angry than ever. despite its overbearing presence, he couldn’t bring himself to regret what he had done.

loak watched your sudden dismissal from the healing hut, and determinedly recreated your footsteps into the forest. behind you, his eyes traced the slight sway of your hips and the gentle thumps of the gathering basket against your thigh. loak’s face twisted; he knew it was unfair of him to be irritated that you didn’t notice his presence once he had gotten close, but you had been actively ignoring him the whole week. he hadn’t gotten a rest from kiri’s interventions either; she would moan to him constantly about how it’s all his fault she’s been shut out by you and that he’d better fix it. he’s deluded himself to believe he was confronting you because of the soft spot he has for his sister, but it was in reality entirely for selfish purposes.

heart pounding, loak grips your bicep and flips you around to face him. “do you think this is funny? because i’m not laughing.” his syrupy eyes bore into yours, voice gravelly. you instinctually back up a bit, the small of your back now digging into rigid bark as you shift under his gaze. the corner of your mouth twitches in discomfort at his proximity. “what, have you gotten yourself another wound you want me to fix? not gonna happen, buster,” you respond evasively. loak grew more frustrated, but after so much silence, your voice rang in his ears as if it was his first time hearing it.

loak exhales sharply through his nose, involuntarily taking a few steps back. he doesn’t give you a chance to relax as he jumps head-first into the root of the issue. “i know you play a vital role in the clan. i never should have said you didn’t.” you eye him quizzically, waiting for him to continue. he struggled to keep himself from arguing against his own words, but if he wanted you to listen, they were unavoidable. “you were right to say my grandmother would be insulted,” he adds awkwardly, gesticulating poorly with his hands. it left a bad taste in his mouth, but after mulling the accusation over for hours on end, he came to the gruelling realization that it was accurate. he had never been disrespectful to moat; in truth, he actually admired healers a lot for the work they did. but watching as you would cradle him, care for him, all while having the upper hand, forced him to confront new feelings he was scared of. he will admit, it was a little immature in hindsight. you offer him no mercy, remaining tight-lipped and unmoving. persistent, he grunts his final proposal to you with an uneven tone, as if the word was unknown to him. “truce?”

⁺˚*･༓☾ ☽༓･*˚⁺‧ ‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾ ☽༓･*˚⁺‧ ‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾ ☽༓･*˚⁺‧ ‧͙⁺˚*･

notes: get a room you guys

taglist: @weasleytwinwheezes @mrslandryy @amortencjja

44 notes · View notes

moonstruckme · 3 months

Note

okay I’m sorry love but I have to rant and didn’t know who to rant to so I hope you don’t mind😭

so Valentine’s Day is coming up and all my friends are talking about their Valentines and it’s kind of upsetting knowing I won’t have one (and haven’t had one in years but this year it hit me hard for some reason, which seems dumb to me. Maybe bc I’ve never made a big deal out of Valentine’s Day like ever) and I like this guy who seems out of my league even though he’s a bit of a nerd (really knows his random history facts) but it’s so cute to me. He’s just total opposite of me, tall, skinny, really pretty, pretty much a god. I know I’m not that ugly but I’ve never seen myself as attractive or anything like that. But I feel like since he’s a twig and I’m a bit thick I would totally get into my head about it 24/7. I’ve only known him this year and it would be weird to even think that anything could happen since I don’t know him as well as I do my other friends but I want something to happen, you know? Like for once I want a relationship with a guy who I think could actually make me happy if it were to ever happen. And I feel miserable when I think about all this stuff. I guess I just kind of need some encouragement maybe? I don’t even know what to do about any of this and it’s hurting me a bit.

Once again, sorry for the rant. Your stories are the best, keep it up darling! love you <3

Hi gorgeous, I don't mind at all!

Maybe it's because I've been single for so many years, but I think we should ban romance from valentine's day! Fuck the original intent, valentine's is for the girlies so we can wear pink and worship heart-shaped things and enjoy little treats. I think it sucks big time that vday is a sad day for so many single people, and that society seems to be saying we should take this time to mourn the relationships we don't have. But! That's just my rant and not at all a reflection on you sweetheart. It makes total sense to feel bummed and a bit lonely if all your friends are celebrating in a way you can't really particpate in! I hope there's a way for you to enjoy the day (even getting yourself some discount chocolate when it all goes on sale)

About this boy: I highly doubt he's out of your league, babe. I mean, I don't know him, but I think to call anyone "pretty much a god" is probably giving them a bit too much credit. And from the sound of it, you're way underestimating yourself. I'm kind of going on the assumption that he's part of your friend group but not one of your closer friends, which I would assume means that on some level, he already likes you enough to be in the same social circle as you and hang out around you. Having a crush like that can be so thrilling and torturous at the same time, don't get me wrong, but I think there's definitely room for possibility there! Maybe you could try getting to know him better within your group? Maybe if you guys start talking more and become more familiar with each other, something will start to spark there? And in the meantime, try to remember how lovely you are. I'm positive you're doing yourself a disservice here.

Update me if you feel like it, love you <33

#mae's asks

8 notes · View notes

femsolid · 1 year

Note

Can you tell us about your way into veganism?

I always felt a lot of empathy and love towards animals, most children do, it just never left me. As a kid I saw a documentary about the meat industry, specifically about the exploitation of pigs. I watched how the pigs were alive one second, wondering what the hell was going on, and then dead the very next. It was heartbreaking to me. The nonchalance with which all those lives were ended. They would be standing in line on a moving floor and a machine would pierce their heads one by one, or electrocute their brains, I'm not entirely sure, maybe both. The tools for the killing didn't shock me, it was the fact that they were treated like objects on a processing line. Their eyes would go empty, they would go limp and fall and men would start dismembering them. But some pigs were still alive and moving. It was very surreal, very cold, very heartless. These days they'd call it "humane slaughter". The piglets were manhandled like mere objects too, men would cut off their tails or sterilise them without anaesthetic. The screaming was horrible. I told my dad I didn't want to eat pork anymore and he laughed at me. Then I forgot about all this until, as an adult, I watched a very graphic documentary about all forms of animal exploitation (Earthlings). I cried the whole time and promised myself I'd respect my beliefs and feelings on the matter once I leave my father's home. So when I moved out I became a vegetarian wich I found very easy. You can eat most things in western countries as a vegetarian and you can buy anything that involves the exploitation of animals other than the actual flesh. It was hypoctritical of me. I kept informing myself on what was really done to the animals. I saw the cows skinned alive for our car sits, the sheeps tortured by sadistic men in the wool industry, little lambs dismembered alive, pigs gassed and dying in agony. I also learned about the absolute cruelty of the men who work for this industry, their misogyny as they torture and rape hogs, and the men who drive this industry, who make billions out of death and the destruction of empathy and our environment, men's obsession with the necessity of killing and the virility of eating meat and how much damage it causes our planet and our health. And also the sad fact that the explotiation of animals relies entirely on the exploitation of motherhood and the objectification of the female reproductive system. But that's not even what started my veganism. I became vegan because I have IBS and I was at my wits ends with the pain and the fainting, especially during my periods. I made a journal of what I was eating and realised that I felt ten times better and the horrible intestinal cramps stopped when I didn't eat things that contained milk and eggs. Especially milk. So I actually became vegan because of selfish health reasons. The change felt amazing. Truly a new life for me. I got to experience normal periods for the first time. So by following my political and moral principles I was also making myself healthier, doing my (tiny) part for the environment and resolving my cognitive dissonance. That's a lot of positive. I'm not just opposed to the exploitation of women and girls. I'm opposed to exploitation in itself. The idea that I am superior to others and therefore have the right to exploit someone else never made sense to me. Or the idea that my cruelty is okay because it's part of the natural order of things. Or that it's okay because it makes me feel good. We criticize these very notions when we talk about other issues like misogyny, classism or racism. It's the same logic. I'm trying to be consistent and helpful to myself and others.

#ask #vegan

23 notes · View notes

lancabbage · 1 year

Text

Lmao at the person who tries to justify JGYs murder spree by 💩 on WWX.

Oooh but WWX killed people as well. Yeah there's a difference, WWX was both entitled to and expected to seek revenge for his clan, it's the time period he was in. An eye for an eye and all that. Not to mention he was traumatised, but his trauma and torture is often overlooked here as well.

JGY on the other hand, yeah he had a naff life. His dad was an ass and people treated him like dirt. But that does not justify him killing people because they said bad things about him and his mother. That doesn't mean he can murder people because they stole his glory or pushed him down the stairs. That does not mean he should wipe out an entire clan because they opposed his idea of building watchtowers. It does not mean he should manipulate his wife to commit suicide or kill his own son to cover his own mistakes. None of that is justified.

No one is saying JGY didn't deserve a little bit of revenge for his poor treatment, it's the gravity of his actions. They do not weigh up with the actions against him. This is the exact argument XXC has with XY! As is the way in their world, revenge is to be expected and XXC isn't annoyed at XY for taking it, he's annoyed at the extent he went to for one finger. The fact the sweetest, purest man in the novel doesn't mind if XY had taken the man's finger or whole hand just shows how their world works. Even those not used to such time periods or xianxia novels should be able to work this out from this scene!

Any argument justifying JGYs actions is just ludicrous and it's absolutely hilarious that in the same breath they condemn WWX for exacting revenge the right way 😂 and yes, WWX did get carried away once, but he owned that mistake, he admitted. That's the whole point, he knows he went too far and admitted it, regretted it, unlike the rest of the people in the novel (bar LWJ who does something similar).

I'm not saying WX did nothing wrong, they both made a mistake, they're only human... but they realised it as such and did not repeat those mistakes ever again. That's why they're the moral ideal.

To the people lurking on my blog because I opposed your unfounded views: Yes, I have posted this... But I wouldn't have to if you could read... I'm trying to counteract your bs in the fandom, so I'll continue to repeat myself as long as you all do.

#mdzs #mo dao zu shi #wei wuxian #mdzs novel #wangxian #lan wangji #same old bs

20 notes · View notes

edsbacktattoo · 9 months

Note

HI BESTIE COMING IN TO MAKEOUT WITH YOU RN. HOW ARE WE DOING??? I'LL GO FIRST: SO SO FUCKING UNWELL <3 JSDKLSDHJKL

But also your tags on my analysis,,, 👁️👁️

I have Since Shifted on things a little bit after making that post, because I've seen others point things out, as well as noticed differences myself.

SO I'M COMING IN TO TALK EVEN FURTHER ANALYSIS WITH YOU BECAUSE SHDJKSDSK YEAH THE MAN IN THE FOREST OKAY OKAY SO-

There's speculation right now that the man in blue in the top picture and the man with his back to the camera in the bottom picture are the same person. And the current speculation I've seen right now is that it's fucking Hornigold.

But I also wouldn't be surprised if it's like, some other sort of threat too? Like some sort of British Admiral or someone else out to get the lot of them? Or maybe they're entirely different people shdjks BUT I'M LEANING TOWARDS THERE BEING SOME SORT OF CONNECTION,,,

Because like, the Wee John shot comes right before Ed's barrel shot. So I'm like 👀👀👀

BUT REGARDLESS, LOOKING DIRE/DRAMATIC FOR A FEW REASONS.

I was so ~*~swept up~*~ by the beauty that is Wee John in drag in that first shot that I didn't really pay attention to the surroundings. If you look closely, it doesn't really look that much like a party anymore, but some sort of hostage situation/attack. Or maybe it WAS a party, but then whoever the hell that is crashed it.

Because Wee John's hands seem to be bound, someone appears to be tied to the mast, Roach looks like he's having a Bad Time in the foreground, etc etc.

And I THINK it's the Revenge? So like, they were partying, and then chaos ensued, or something along those lines.

AND NOT ONLY THAT, BUT LIKE...

Ed looks desperate, man. And the lighting and his costume/makeup all match up. And because he's wearing the fucking pearls, and has his hair back, and doesn't have his makeup on, this makes me think that ALL of this is in the latter half of the season.

His desperation also makes me think that whoever the fuck THAT is captured/did something bad to Stede. Like maybe...

Whatever led to him screaming like THIS. ((I know there's a high possibility it could be something funny like a crab getting a little 🍆🦀 or something equivalent. BUT ALSO, WASN'T A TORTURER CAST?????))

Anyway, TLDR, they were trying to have a nice party, whoever the fuck that is crashed it and fucked with the crew and/or did something horrible with Stede, and Ed is fucking PISSED ABOUT IT.

((dude if that is the case, and like, they haven't fully made up, yet ed goes absolutely INSANE trying to protect stede??? that's one of my favorite tropes so i'll be in the Ground hope you know that))

anyway kiss kiss smooch smooch rolling into my grave <3

JODI JODI YAAAAAAY I ALWAYS LOVE LOVE LOVE WHEN YOURE IN MY INBOX!!!! it means i’m in for a good time! and MY GOD did you deliver!!!

i’m obsessed with this theory! i think you’re right - this very well could be Hornigold, which would explain Ed’s desperation and unease. It would also explain the barrel situation. “He treated us like dogs — worse than dogs.” Maybe this is finally his chance to get back at this prick.

In terms of the party on the Revenge:

Talent show? 👁️👁️

Maybe they’re finally doing what they were going to before everything went to shit. It would explain Wee John in drag! Maybe Hornigold seizes the The Revenge midway through? This also means that this could happen post reunion, which explains the pearls and the hair tied back.

I can’t recall if it was a torture or an executioner that was cast! Does anyone have that info hiding anywhere? You could be right about that too Jodi! Hornigold’s taken Stede captive and Ed has to get him back even if they haven’t made up yet, or something along those lines.

WAIT! What if the beach gunfighting scene is them returning to each other after all that?

UH OH

If I think about this any more I’m going to die 😌👍 this response was not nearly as coherent as what you’ve presented here, but we’ve been in the clown car together since the start so I’m starting to think we could communicate telepathically at this point.

#I LOVE YOU I LOVE THINKING THOUGHTS #THIS SEASON IS GOING TO BLOW OUR FACES OFF #i’m so tired i didn’t get to sleep until like 1:30 and then woke up at 3:00 for the teaser #i went back to sleep after a few hours but my body is fuckin hating me for it rn hahahaha #so i’m sorry if this response isn’t terribly articulate #but you know what i mean!!!!!#ofmd #ofmd s2 teaser #ofmd s2 spoilers #ofmd s2 predictions #ask #💕✨

11 notes · View notes

sketching-shark · 1 year

Note

Do you think its funny that the fandom treats the Monk kinda the same way he treated Wukong, he kinda deserve it but can we at least something different about him (like I don't see anyone make bug jokes or about all the poetry)

AUGH well anon as I've said before I'm well aware that the internet is were nuance goes to die & while yes I know fandom is a place were people often just want to have fun & not think to hard, I do find it funny but also increasingly frustrating how even though fandom often purports itself as a place of massive diversity more and more it seems to be structured around creating an Official Version of characters' personalities & relationships rather than trying out many different things, or even considering the implications of the source material.

Now of course it has to be acknowledged that a lot of this is often due to what's in the canon work itself (like Wu Cheng'en himself seems to have deliberately written Tang Sanzang in large part as a caricature of fussy Confucian scholars), but in addition I feel like the popular understanding of a character as one extreme or another goes double for stories where the only easy access that an audience may have to it is from translated works or from cartoony retellings. Speaking for myself for example it's been pretty wild having gotten into Journey to the West before Monkie Kid came out & now it often seems like the lego show version of the story (well that and the sarcastic youtube retelling) is the only version of Xiyouji that people in the western internet audience primarily know/care about. But I'm coming from a position where I had the time & access to both read through the entirety of the Anthony C. Yu English translation (which as per usual I need to remind people you can access for free in PDF format on multiple posts on this hellsite) as well as was able to access some of the scant few scholarly works in English about the story. And that's just not something that a lot of people know about or have access to.

As such, it's pretty understandable why many people wouldn't know about all the poetry because well that's never even been brought up in the versions of Journey to the West that they've encountered, or wouldn't make bug jokes because there's little mention of Tang Sanzang having been Golden Cicada in any retelling that they've seen, or if it is it's just presented like fun trivia rather than one of the primary reasons why Tang Sanzang was even chosen to be on the journey in the first place (or what the religious significance of the cicada was in China). Add everything that can easily get lost in translation to the further simplification that cartoony retellings demand, and you can see why many people's understanding of the Tang monk would just be "whiny idiot who's constantly getting himself kidnapped, falling off his dragon horse, & torturing the monkey," especially since between Sun Wukong and Tang Sanzang the monk is by far the more static character (although a lot of Chinese retellings add scenes of him actually recognizing he was wrong & apologizing to the monkey in a reversal of the simplification trend afeawsdf).

Plus, well, I mean it's not like a cartoon is going to include all those scenes of Tang Sanzang tied up & sobbing his eyes out because he's literally in a gore-bespattered cave surrounded by yaoguai who plan to eat him, and they're especially not going to include the times when he's sexually assaulted. In a different approach than usual these things and the resulting trauma could be presented as explanations (but not excuses) for Tang Sanzang's ongoing hostility towards Sun Wukong (who lest we forget is the first yaoguai to try to kill him), but doing that well takes a level of nuance and care that's vanishingly rare in both big budget & fanon retellings of Xiyouji. Hell, in retrospect it's not even handled that well in Xiyouji itself, as if memory serves correctly the kidnappings & near death/consumption are mainly just framed as things that the monk needs to endure to get to the next stage in the journey, and Sun Wukong even makes fun of Tang Sanzang after he was molested by a female yaoguai for an entire night.

So YEAH I often do wish that Tang Sanzang was treated with more nuance (like I would LOVE to see a retelling of Xiyouji where he's more of an intelligent rule-breaker like the historical Xuanzang), but between how he was written in canon & the tendencies towards tropes & simplification in both big-budget retellings and fanon tendencies you can see how he would end up Journey to the West's Most Hate-able Character.

#anon answered #xiyouji #journey to the west #jttw #tang sanzang #daily reminder that the journey would have been pretty traumatizing for everyone involved #like geez the pilgrims all had a lot of things happen to them even before they got together #and in many ways them bouncing off each other under their circumstances kind of made it worse before it got better

39 notes · View notes

theaspen · 2 years

Text

summary : Jay seems to keep appearing in your alternate nightmares. He acts as your night in shining armor, always helping you in your sleep. But when you try to stop the nightmares altogether he doesn't like it.

genre : thriller, angst.

pairing : Jay x you

PART 1.

PART TWO

_______________________________________________________

NOTE: GUESS WHO'S ALIVE LMFAO, IDK HOW MANY FOLLOWERS I LOST BUT YAH MY BAD I SHOULD HAVE ATLEAST PUT UP A NOTICE BUT I MYSELF DID NOT KNOW THAT ILL BE SO BUSY. not that anyone cares but I've noticed that i can NEVER consistently write sumth huge, i need to cut it into parts and update or I'll forget about it all together, hence why this oneshot will now be divided into a few parts. THANKS TO ANYONE READING THIS. also I'll be checking the responses i get after i post this and then think about writing the next part!!

_______________________________________________________

The first time I saw him, it had been way too long already. It was maybe the nineteenth or twentieth night? It wasn't like it really mattered anyway, when you have near death experiences every single night you just tend to lose count.

My hands were incredibly sweaty and it took everything I had in me to keep clutching to the edge of the hole to prevent falling into…..

I pause, taking a second to look down and see what I'm trying so hard to not fall into and regret immediately when I see nothing but darkness surrounding me, just a black hole of nothing to see miles ahead. Closing my eyes I feel the cold trickle of sweat rolling onto my neck, causing a tickling sensation. My calloused palms finally seemed to fix onto a rough rock giving me more support. And like clockwork as always my heart lifted, hope blossoming onto my chest.

And again, like clockwork, the rock shifted as soon as I put more of my weight onto it. The rocks slips off my fingers and my stomach drops to the floor along with the rest of my body I think in that millisecond. My throat is already preparing itself for a good heart wrenching scream enough to scare anyone with its unadulterated intensity and raw fear.

But the scream never comes. It dies silently in my throat when I don't feel the wind against me as I rush downwards. Instead what I feel is another pair of hands clutching mine, they feel warm against my cold ones and clean and so so soft. When I risk opening one of my eyes, I find a face looking back at me.

And then I wake up.

There's a gentle hand on my chest that tenderly coaxes me to sit up with my back straight. My eyes are sticky when I open them.

The nurse quietly hands me over a cup of water which I take gratefully and have small sips from.

"Is it the same one again?" Kyungsoo asks me.

Kyungsoo has been the nurse assigned to me ever since the accident and hence already aware of my daily night dose of torture.

I heave a great sigh, not bothering to change my nightgown which was slightly damp with cold sweat.

"Ya…" I answer back, "Not to the very end…I think I saw a random hand catching mine before I fell."

Kyungsoo brightness up at this, "Really? I had a feeling , you didn't scream this time."

"What? I didn't??"

Kyungsoo chuckles, happy that I'm showing progress even if it's just that I didn't let out another bone chilling scream from my sleep.

Without warning Kyungsoo flashes a flashlight in my eyes and I grimace. Over the past few weeks, since the car accident ,the only person I've even slightly warmed up to is Kyungsoo.

I'm happier with him, looking forward to the gossip and the company he brings every day, the small voice at the back of my head reminds me that he's probably just pitying me and doing his job but i ignore it, too occupied with the only person in this god forsaken place that treats me like I should be treated.

And no, I don't mean the pitying glances, even if that's incredibly annoying it's a clear given. I mean, I'm in a hospital for god's sake. But I know that everyone who has stepped in to treat me has an ulterior motive to fish more money out of my uncle's loaded pocket.

I know this for a fact, given just a month ago when I overheard my parents talking about the illegal bone marrow transplant that had taken place with the help of this very hospital. This news was just twice as bad when I think about the fact that the bone marrow transplant was for me and it was taken by my step brother who was only adopted to serve that purpose…and who was now dead along with my parents.

"Your uncle wants you to see a therapist soon." Kyungsoo interrupts my inner dilemma.

My face tenses immediately,

"I don't think I want to so soon…." I whisper.

Kyungsoo gives me a sympathetic nod.

"I know, and I told him so as well. Think about it okay? He wants to see you as well."

I nod, and he leaves me alone to go attend to other duties.

Sleep doesn't come easy as always. The air conditioning is too cold, I can't shift to a position of my liking because of my injuries and my mouth is dry but I would rather suffer a bit more than call in someone just to get me a glass of water. Eventually my eyes get heavy and I drift into the dark once again.

This time I'm in a car. The minute I'm able to think and process where I am, panic immediately settles in, my hands reach press against the glass but I see nothing but flames surrounding me , the smoke slowly begins to slip through the cracks and although I'm not in any real danger my breath is already thinning, my lungs seem to collapse on themselves and my brain shuts itself down. Every night I tell myself to remember to just sit still and wait for the danger to pass till I wake up. To just shut your eyes tight and curl up into a ball, to tell yourself the sensations and emotions I feel are imaginary and not real. Yet as always I can feel myself panicking and crying in despair. Perhaps a part of me is afraid that once I stop trying I won't wake up again.

The smoke turns thicker, and I have got to give my brain some credit, because the smoke seems to be winding itself in beautiful swirling patterns in the car and then it slowly turns into a deep shade of red. At this point I'm already hysteric. I don't know why but I've never tried to open the windows or the door. I just keep banging the door hoping it would fall out. As if it couldn't get worse, I can feel the smoke curl itself around my neck.

My hands are trembling widely and I'm pretty sure I threw up although it's not possible, my eyes sting with fresh tears and the smoke leaves my throat scratchy. The smoke that had slowly formed a ring around my neck seems to get tighter. It rubs against my skin uncomfortably and with every breath I try to make the ropes bind themselves tighter.

Any moment now. I tell myself, but when minutes pass and I'm laying on the seats trying to gasp for breath like a fish out of water , my eyes never open. I don't find myself in the hospital gown with someone beside me and I think that finally, maybe this time I'll be going for good. Just as the thought settles in, maybe now I'll be at peace with no more nightly terrors to look forward to. I hear the click of a door and someone's skin brushing against my body.

My eyes are open but I don't dare to look around instead choosing to focus on my breath. Two hands go under my back and lift me up. There's a deep groan right beside my ear. I can feel myself slipping in and out of consciousness but as soon as I'm out of the immense heat surrounding me the cloud of smoke disappear, my vision clears and I blink rapidly. I sit up immediately and cough, spotting my saviour sitting beside me. Also looking exhausted. His black shirt is torn in various places. He seems to be catching his breath and ruffling his brown hair.

"Are you okay?" I ask after a moment of hesitation, I'm not sure what I should ask someone who just saved me.

Said person turns around, his gray eyes bord into mine, a bit intimidating. After a small stretch of silence he replies, not to me, but speaking more to himself,

"It's okay, you'll wake up soon."

I get even quieter at that if possible.

He gets up to leave but I stop him, grabbing his wrist which is surprisingly warm and so human it freaks me out a bit.

"Wait, what's your name?"

He looks shocked and confused too as if no one had asked him that question before. He thinks for a second before answering , "Jay.."

And then I wake up. This time when I wake up I curse out loud. Kyungsoo who was sleeping and drooling on his own arm, jolts awake, "Jesus fuck! What the hell happened? are you good?"

I groan heavily, throwing my pillow in frustration. "Dammit! I didn't even thank him!"

"Thank who?"

_______________________________________________________

TAGLIST IS OPEN

@sunjaylove @ryejigyu

Part 2 will be coming soon

#jake #enhypen fluff #jay #enhypen angst #sunoo #enhypen #enhypen thriller #horror prompts #enhypen headcannons #enhypen scenarios #enhypen oneshots #jay oneshot #jay scenarios #enhypen jay #enhypen fantasy #enha #enha x reader #enha social media au

85 notes · View notes

kuroonir · 1 month

Text

Being in a Poly without a partner.

So in my lack of knowledge I actually don't know if this concept is a common thing within poly groups or if its more on the rare side. Either way this is my experience with accepting that I was a part of one without actually having a partner within it.

For a bit of context my experience with the group is mostly within a discord server specifically for those the owner of the server thought were close enough to be in it and their partners, solidifying the poly. Essentially it was 3 people (including me) and 3 partners making 7 in total.

For a while it was just kinda a convenient place for us to hang out but eventually the owner just outright called the server a poly which is how I ended up finding out that I was a part of it. Normally I would've been delighted to find that out! However.. I was still recovering from one of the lowest points of my life so I ended up having a small existential crisis when I found out. I was still happy of course but the crisis came from half me still being extremely hard on myself and going "I don't deserve to be a part of this group" and half genuinely being really confused with how I could be a part of a poly were no one considered me their partner.

Eventually they helped me calm down and I managed to convince myself that I was just happy about being a part of the poly. As time went on I really did accept it and was happy about it but.. another question came to my mind: "What do I meant to them?". They loved me but didn't consider me a partner so.. what was I to them? I couldn't take it anymore so I outright asked a couple of the ones I spend the most time with, the other I know what I am to her since I consider her my mother figure so at least I felt confident in that.

One of them pretty bluntly told me something along the lines of "does it really matter? is having a socially accepted term for this really that important to you?" which.. kinda upset me at the time since I didn't know the answer to either and it also didn't give me an answer to what I desperately wanted to know. The other said something along the lines of "That's a good question!" which frustrated me a little at the time but both assured me that they loved me and that was the actually important part of our relationship. They were both right to tell me those things I now think. It help me put a lot of things into perspective.

Its been a long time since I asked them this and honestly I still don't know what I mean to them. But.. honestly I don't really care anymore? Never have I felt more loved and accepted when I'm with them, they treat me with respect and see me as an equal (when they're not bullying me to oblivion anyway >>). I get to tell them how much I love them every day and they tell me how much they love me the same. Whenever I discover something new about myself they cheer me on and try to help and let me know how proud they are for figuring something like that out. They've beaten the negativity out of myself and literally pulled me out of the lowest point in my life.. I love them so much and I'm tearing up even writing this with how much they mean to me... None of them may call me their girlfriend but that doesn't matter. Genuine love can be shown without it having to be romantic and I'm lucky enough to be shown that genuine love every day. It's honestly torture having to wait for weekends to properly hang out with them all night.

My experience with being in a poly without a partner has essentially saved me and there is no way I'll ever be able to express just how grateful I am to them.

#Feels slightly weird to have this be my second post after a shitpost essentially #Feel happy with how it turned out though

3 notes · View notes

altschmerzes · 2 months

Note

Picking some sort of at random from further down the list: 52, 63, 73!

HIT MY 1K PROGRESS MARKER time to have some fun thank youuuuu

52. how many unfinished ideas/stories are you working on at the same time?

oh my gd im like [marge hiding her face dot meme] uh. a lot. A Lot. All Of The Time. it depends on if you mean actively or passively, and then what 'actively' means in the situation. i have. a LOT of wips i should tally them sometime lmao. no that would be really fun, actually, i should do that now and then do some kind of ask game with it. that would be another fun one to get myself through this time of year with. ANYWAYS. off the top of my head right now in terms of things i have opened and worked on in the last ~month or so, i have 'the same story' (ted lasso mediafic), 'wriggle up on dry land' (ted lasso baby jamie au), 'my dead are mine (and yours as well as mine)' (gideon the ninth resurrection break it worse then fix it fic), 'bifurcation theory' (numb3rs au heavily inspired by the bbc series 'the five'), 'one right move' (flashpoint episode 2x10 time loop fix it), 'something to hold onto' (macgyver torture fic), 'loneliness into loneliness' (ted lasso two aces qpr fic), 'never been in love' (911 aro buck fic). also some assorted gift fics. probably some others. i can't um. focus lmaoooo.

63. what’s the best insult you’ve read in a fic?

oh my gd idk off the top of my head but i am Sure it was something from @punkwixes's locked tomb theatre au

73. how do you visualize scenes? do you see it like a movie in your head, or do the words just flow?

oh i don't visualize basically fuck-all. i try sometimes but it's a little tough. i sometimes reference literal visuals when i'm really strugglin or i'll draw diagrams but mostly i know in like. described terms but not visual terms, y'know, i don't really Picture much and it's very hard for me and shifts constantly when i do.

help me reward myself with treats to get through my finals season by sending me things from this ask game list!

#gav gab #gav answers #THANK YOUUUU #philcoulsonismyhero #every time i see your icon it brings me delight btw #writing liveblog #ask box games

6 notes · View notes

maraeffect · 7 months

Note

"This ask" *stupid emojiis*

Wow cunt. Sorry for asking questions to understand more. Sorry for not being taught about this in school. Sorry for talking about a highly contested issue that has been around since the 1960s *minimum* and still nobody cares about Palestine. Sorry for only knowing modern Israel was made by the victors of WW2 to prevent another jewish genocide. Or at least thinking to know. Is this how you speak to everyone just trying to learn?

Shut the fuck up.

can't believe you're sending this to me LMAO, but i'll attach the ask and my response in question, just so everyone can see what i was talking about.

"whyyyyyyyy did the people whose land was stolen put themselves in the place where their land was stolen??? why did they think it was a good idea to be genocided????"

truthfully, my issue is that you approached this issue with a lackadaisical, near insulting attitude and a leading question; that inserted your misinformed opinion alongside a sort-of question. truthfully, you could have googled your question if you weren't looking to insert your, again, misinformed & half-baked opinion on top of that. you LITERALLY said "well, i agree with this, but NOT this". don't act dumb like you don't think you sent that ask to insert your own opinion. it came off as self-important and crass.

i didn't learn about this in school either. i'm 23 years old and only JUST became familiar with the topic in the past couple years. you wanna know why i know now?? I GOOGLED. i watched documentaries. i listened to palestinian journalists. and the whole time, i did not insert an opinion ONCE. much less open myself up to public political discussion on it. i knew that i knew next to nothing, and that it wasn't my place to talk over those who knew way more.

these people are enslaved and tortured. i didn't appreciate the way you talked about it. and i feel that you were motivated by things OTHER than a pure desire to learn. even if it WAS a pure desire to learn, you treated the topic with disrespect; at a time of (arguably) the most catastrophic series of war crimes committed against these historically imprisoned people.

not to mention, my 2 words and "woozy" emojis got you this fucked up. i think, genuinely, if after my response you felt so compelled to come into my ask box and call me a cunt?? you're too sensitive to be on the internet. i mean that. you need to grow a thicker skin, especially in the world of politics. people will disagree with you. always. no matter your opinion! politics is just that way. i didn't insult you, i didn't go into detail about my opinion of your ask at ALL until you came into my ask box and insulted me. (again, inserting your unwanted opinion into someone's messages. go figure.) others will not be so kind and i worry for your sake how you'll take it as you grow older and become more involved in politics.

i thought about not answering this or just inserting some meme, but i wanted to actually try and respect the topic like i feel you did not.

by the way, Israel was not "made after WW2". IT EXISTED AS PALESTINE. after WW1, Britain and France backstabbed their previous Arab allies, and COLONIZED EVERYONE'S LAND. this includes tons of middle-eastern countries, and the area of Palestine. The Zionist movement knew that the British military was withdrawing towards the end of WW2, and Britain for whatever reason gave control of Palestine to the UN. So, the Zionists argued for much more land than they were SUPPOSED to be allotted by the UN, knowing they would have the strongest military presence in the region (after Britain's withdrawal). They won. They then performed the Naqba (whole separate thing you should learn about, too complex to go here). Zionists won total control over Palestine, and continued racheting deeper and deeper into their ethnic cleansing. This is all heavily reduced just to give a simple gist. Israel was not just fucking invented in the 1940's, the same way the USA wasn't invented in the 1700's. it was STOLEN. people were ethnically cleansed and brutally tortured in order to take their land from them. even in your ask to ME you didn't bother to educate yourself before inserting YET ANOTHER PIECE OF MISINFO.

that's all i care to write (it's long i know lol). if you came into my ask box or DM's with a hint of decency, i would have loved to talk this over with you. but since we're throwing insults i guess, go fuck off back to where u came from, "cunt". (:

#anon #ask #free palestine #israel #i am so tired lmfao get the fuck out of my ask box

8 notes · View notes