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ashecampos · 3 months

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ANYONE BUT HER 3

JANIS IMI-IKE X FEM READER

Part one part two

Warnings - smoking, alcohol, drugs, swearing, cheating, mentions of anxiety.

The POV switches between reader and Janis (I use — when I change the POV)

there will be more parts to this, make sure to reblog and comment and I will get the next few parts up as soon as I can, happy reading lovelies 🫶🏼

“and where have you been?” My best friend Tess says while she sits on my bed, cross legged, her gym clothes still on. She smirks at me before throwing my pillow at me face, earning a groan from me. “Tee I feel like shit, no abusing ur token gay today please” I look over at her before falling next to her on my bed face first. “What’s wrong? Did Bea or Jason approach you again? Look when I come back to school tomorrow I’ll stick by your side to make sure they piss off yeah?” She states proudly.

Tess has been my best friend since middle school, we can’t actually remember how we became friends but our closest guess would be that we got sat together in some class, the rest is history. She got put into a different high school freshman year, however she is being transferred to Evanston for the rest of high school.

I lift up my head and smirk “oh yes my princess in shining armour please save me from this distressing part of my life” I say dramatically, rolling over to face her fully. She smiles back, shoving my shoulder a little laughing, her face lights up and she scoots forward a little “oh before I forget, this girl in my bookclub called Cady said we can sit with her and her friends at school, she’s really nice, and her friends sound amazing” she says while grabbing her tote bag off of the floor and pulling a book out, swatting me on the head with it “now read and we shall watch a movie of your choosing later” she hands me my book off of my cabinet.

——-

Cady walks into my basement where me and Damien are already sat down gossiping about todays events “hey guys where did you two disappear to earlier?” She says while plopping her backpack down and sitting on one of the beanbags. I look over to Damien begging him to not say anything, but let’s be real it’s Damien. “Damage control, little miss lover girl may or may not have overdosed a little” he says, earning a slap on the arm from me “for one” I look over to Cady pointing “she didn’t overdose, two she got spiked, three don’t call it damage control, im really worried about her” I say with a sad smile. Cadys phone pings a few times earning an ‘ooo’ from Damien, she picks it up and smiles “oh it’s my friend Tess, she’s just transferred to Evanston, I invited her to sit with us if that’s cool?” She says vibrating with excitement.

Great another new friend. Actually this might take my mind off of y/n, seeming though she hasn’t stopped ringing through my mind since that one gig.

—-

“Y/n/n. Wake uppppp” I am shook awake by Tess, “cmon we fell asleep” she says, my body jolts up, how did we fall asleep? What time is it? I look over at my alarmclock, it’s only 6am. Thankgod.

I roll over to face her and she smirks “hey do you have any clothes I can steal?” She laughs before getting up out of the bed and grabbing me by the ankle and pulling me with her to my closet. “Ugh fuck you and your strong rugby arms” I curse her out half asleep as im being dragged across my room.

I sit up and she is raiding my closet. Groaning I lay back down on the floor, she walks back to my bed, clothes in hand then back to my closet. I start laughing “you’re in the closet” I say squinting up at her with a smirk. She kicks my shoulder and throws some clothes on my head “cmon goofy, get your emo ass dressed” I stand up and we get changed.

Upon entering the school, Tessa is stared at by every man we walk by, we attend classes together, I thank every god in the sky that me and her have all of our classes together. The day is going smooth until third period art, we walk into the room, she is told to sit in front of me, that’s when Janis strides into the room, immediately noticing the blonde and freezing up.

The story is, Tess is Regina Georges cousin, she attended the same middle school, was indeed apart of the plastics. However Tess had no part of the downfall of Janis.

Tess turns around to me “is that?” She asks leaving the question open. “Mhm” I groan back to her. “As in your longtime crush Janis?” She mocks me, with a sweet smirk. I throw a pencil at her as Janis walks by, sits down next to us. “Hey Janis, y/n here has told me so much about you” she continues, making me regret being born. The class goes by, I end up drawing sketches of people in the class, while my dearest best friend talks to Janis, telling her embarrassing stories.

——

Walking into that art classroom was my worst mistake of the day so far. As soon as I walked through that door, I saw her. Tessa George, or as she goes by now Tess. You see the problem with Tess is that she is one of the kindest souls to walk the streets of suburban Illinois, however she is regrettably related to the one and only Regina George. In middle school, Tess was there for me when we were both plastic but when Regina ruined my life she was out of town and didn’t find out till I was long gone and expelled.

“Heyy Janis, y/n has told me so much about you” she says happily, meanwhile y/n groans a little and puts her face in her hands before slowly putting her head on her desk while Tess continues to talk about y/n, spilling secrets and telling stories. “Oh and then there was the time she tried to fight a man a foot taller than her when she was drunk” the blonde continues her rant. My eyes flicker from y/n to Tess, I never knew y/n was even friends with Tess, never mind best friends. Tess sounds really good for y/n. The bell chimes to indicate lunch has started, Tess grabs her phone and squeals causing y/n to roll her eyes, I try to ignore them, I start to pack up, grabbing my bag “Cady said meet her outside, she can’t wait to meet you” Tess said, grabbing y/n’s arm and dragging her out of the classroom. So Tess is cadys mysterious friend.

…

I walk to outside and find Damien, we end up sitting under our tree, I pull out my cross stitch and start sewing the rest of the eye I have been working on for this art contest. I hear leaves crunching and look up to see Cady, Tess and y/n walking over. “Oh my god, is that Tessa?” Damien starts to freak out. “Y/ns best friend Tess, Regina’s goddam cousin Tess?!” He exaggerates but shuts up just before they reach us. They all say hi and sit down. Y/n sits next to me, Tess and Cady sit on the other side of Damien.

“So Cady tell us about this Aaron dude you cannot shut up about” Tess says while nudging Cady. to this all of us snapped our heads toward her “Samuel’s Aaron Samuel’s?” Damien asks “oh no Cady no” I continue “are you unwell?” Damien leans forward. “Wait you like my brother?” Y/n speaks up making everyone stay quiet, I look over and she shakes her head “Cady in the nicest way possible be careful, things with him and Regina ended horribly, and I don’t want him to be hurt” she says protectively “well things ended horribly with you and Bea but I don’t see Aaron sticking up for you” Cady bites back. A few seconds go by in silence before y/n stands up “sorry I have to go grab my charger from the art classroom” she says, Damien and his quick thinking blurts out “Janis can go with you, she left her needles there” which makes me look over and mouth ‘what?’ To him.

Y/n starts to walk away not waiting for me, which would be my que to get up and follow her, I stumble up and run after her. We end up in the art classroom, she grabs her charger and turns to leave but I grab her arm. “Wha..” she starts to say “what’s going on with you?” I cut her off, she looks at me as if she’s trying to analyse me to see if she can trust me. “Nothing in fine” she shrugs “no no your not now tell me what the fuck is going on” I push further, walking to the door and locking it. I walk back to her and hug her. She stumbles back a little but regardless her arms wrap around my waist. “Sorry” she mumbles into my shoulder “maybe let’s try explaining our actions instead of apologising for them” I say while rubbing her back. “Jason got his friends and beat me up, I rely on drugs to cope, my brother is in love with the queen bee of the school. Everything hurts jan” she says while tears stream down her face. I pull away from the hug and wipe her eyes. “Okay so we keep you away from Jason, we find better ways to deal with pain and we ignore the fact Regina exists mh?” I push some hair out of her eyes. She stares up at me before stepping forward a little, wrapping her arms around my neck and pulling our faces together, she pulls me into a kiss. My fingers graze her hips and I use the loops of her belt to pull her closer to me. She starts to pull away to say something “this isn’t going to be awkward later right?” She questions, “no..I really don’t think so” I say pulling her in again, deepening the kiss.

——

(With Damien and the girls)

“So shall we talk about the elephant in the room?” Damien says as Janis and y/n walk away.

“What the fact that those two would make an adorable yet scary power couple?” Tess quips back to the boy, in return he clicks his fingers and points at her “truth” he says smirking.

“So how do we get them together because I know Janis is as stubborn as they come and y/n well y/n is just y/n” Damien laughs.

🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼

Heyyy my gayssss, I hope you liked this chapter, it is a bit happier than the last one. The next chapter should be up in a few days, thankyou for reading.

#reader insert #x y/n #mean girls #meangirls2024 #mean girls the musical #janis imike #janis x y/n #janis x reader #janis #janis imi'ike x reader #janis imi'ike #janis ian #damien hubbard #reader #wlw #Janis being adorable #enemies to lovers #friends to lovers #cady heron

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tabr1-s · 21 days

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sunday rant and personal frustrations with him that i begun to write at 6am running on an entire 3 and a half hours of sleep (my cats woke me up.....)

(tldr at the end. i might be as bad as Sunday in terms of yap mileage (yappage) but i'll do one better than him and provide you with the concise version if you scroll all the way down.)

i have never felt such intense emotions about a character's moral viewpoint... Ever. and i've liked characters that were mass murderers before. morals (or lack thereof) usually never played a significant role in whether i liked a character or not (unless they did something i considered worse than plain ol murder, then i wouldn't associate with them), and 99% of the time i could find the character's motivations understandable under the circumstances that they were in.

and, technically, i can understand where Sunday is coming from too.

but that doesn't stop me from being Absolutely pissed at him.

(sunday-esque yap about myself incoming, i will eventually get to the point (which i will highlight))

as someone who has been told that i have "ocd features" Multiple times by my psychiatrist (practically each session) i understand the need for control. my obsessiveness manifests in the form of feeling the need to control practically everything - my current obsession for control being my own emotions, which extends to needing to control entire situations, and in turn makes me severely overthink all the possible outcomes to those given situations. i've also been guilty of controlling others before, and having the mentality of "i know what's best for you". hell, i still feel like that a lot, but i really try to push it back.

and this need for "control" is mainly the reason why i even find comfort in fiction. because it's oftentimes very predictable to me (it also made me think of how i do not find any interest in reading books, but i love writing stories of my own. particularly fan-fiction. and the only time i can feel comfortable enough to feel romance is towards fictional characters - because i control the narrative! it's something to think about.). if i like a character or a narrative, it's easy for me to pick apart where the writers will go with that story. and, even if the story turns out to disappoint me/be different than what i hoped for, i would still be Prepared for that possibility.

i somehow... failed to prepare for what would happen with Sunday.

i had set my sights on the wrong thing for 2.2. i invested my whole energy on trying to comfort myself that hoyo wouldn't take the ipc colonialism route (basically turning out to be capitalist/colonialist apologists) with penacony (which i Guess will be explored in 2.3? but now that i have some more context on the story and how it's unraveling i'm not as anxious about it anymore), that i overlooked a lot of other things that could've gone wrong.

namely, my favourite hsr character to be... Like that. (i'm not even being intentionally vague. i'm just dumbfounded)

i had Heard of the theory that Sunday is possessed by Ena (which didn't particularly make sense to me, and i refused to look at leaks concerning Sunday lest they upset me. either way i Really hated that theory. plus, Sunday being said to have ocd would've been an incredibly cheap way to foreshadow that he's "possessed" by the Order. you can't just create your first(?) important/playable character that has a confirmed mental illness and then go "it's okay actually he's Normal! he was just possessed". i took this very personally. and still am.), and saw a lot of theories concerning his involvement with the Order as well. i shut it all out, because i didn't like the implications of that.

which in turn made me Not think/comfort myself regarding the possibilities that he truly Was connected to the Order.

...

well, rest in pieces, me - it's always the things i don't pay much attention to/ignore/fail to think about. which is actually a bit strange because i was not expecting him to be an entirely sane person from the start - he was a politician type, a leader, and a manipulator, to name a few things. that much was obvious. in 2.0-2.1 i wouldn't have been surprised if it turned out that he was the one that "killed" Robin. again, nothing was out of the question. but, 2.1 showed a different side of him. one that cared for his sister and (seemingly) listened to her and cared about what she thought. so they became quite a comforting little sibling duo to me. tragic, yet you could depend on their mutual trust in eachother... or so i thought.

and then he... went and did all That. which just showed me how, despite him caring for his sister, he was still putting other things above her.

to conclude with my yap: in a sense, he is just my "grim reflection of the self". and although i feel sympathetic towards my past self and how naive and selfish i used to be, there are some flaws of mine i will never forgive myself for. and, Sunday, in a way, reminded me of... Everything. it was almost triggering.

(hey, writing this all down in one place helped me calm down! (it's a neverending cycle that will continue tomorrow. all it will take is seeing a post concerning him and his sister and i'll get pissed anew) yay!)

the point(s) (aka my qualms):

- how sunday manipulated robin + was planning to use her in the charmony festival to complete his plan. she was going to be an unwilling participant in creating a "utopia" that she would've been absolutely against, but he didn't stop to fucking. fill her in, maybe? talk it out? the sheer disrespect on the concept of free will and on the fact that your own sister is a human being of her own sickens me

- he should've cherished the relationship he had with her (x1000 because that's the ONE FAMILY MEMBER YOU HAD LEFT AND THAT IS SUCH A PRIVILEGE!!! IMAGINE HAVING SOMEONE CARE ABOUT YOU WHOLEHEARTEDLY AND THEN YOU GO AND THROW IT AWAY!!! YEAH I'VE ALMOST DONE THE SAME EXACT THING MULTIPLE TIMES (AND STILL WOULD) BUT THAT'S WHY I ALSO KNOW HOW MUCH OF AN ASSHOLE MOVE IT IS!!!)

- he forsook his own self and shoved down his own biases and interests (fucking rat. you can't change the fact you're human and i'm very much saying that from experience) to become something Grander than life itself and in fucking turn isolated himself and shut out the one person who actually cared and then had the Gall to complain about being misunderstood/alone. (when you're finally sitting in your unreachable throne in this "dream" that you've created, who will you blame for being lonely? who will you blame when you have no one to fall back into? no one to support you? when everybody you did this for forsakes You?)

- HE DIDN'T EVEN HUG ROBIN BACK AT THE LAST SCENE. LIKE SHUT UP ABOUT YOUR FAILED PLANS AND COME DOWN FROM THE CLOUDS A LITTLE - THE JOY YOU SEEK FOR IS RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU!

- all i hoped for was that sunday and robin would reunite and get the chance to be happy together, and the only true reason i'm mad is because i'm guilty of a lot of the same self sacrificial behaviours as him and very much understand the sentiment of "my loved ones would be better off without my negative presence and influence". but instead of empathizing with him, i feel betrayed. i thought he was better than me. i thought he was someone worthy of admiration, and that doesn't come easily from me. despite all the warning signs i fell for his obvious facade, and i Very rarely get taken by surprise - especially in a way like this.

- if it wasn't for the fact that Robin would feel sad if Sunday died i would personally go and strangle him myself

tldr; i'm just a big baby that placed a lot of faith on Sunday and his relationship with Robin post 2.1 and my ego took a Huge hit once he turned out to be just some immature emo idealist type. (come on, man - i genuinely thought you were better than me! someone worthy of respect! and i usually have a feeling of superiority over others! this was the biggest compliment/act of faith i could give! (talking to a wall (fictional character (I'M FUCKING UPSET))))

#despite all this i do not hate him. i'm just really disappointed at how he acted with robin #i will still be pulling for him; at least that way i'll be able to have both the siblings on the same team #^(haha it's like they never got separated! i'm completely fine and not delusional)#honkai star rail #hsr #hsr 2.2 #hsr 2.2 spoilers #sunday hsr #hsr sunday #robin hsr #hsr robin #ramblings #1442 words and i could've written waaay more if i didn't get tired/bored of this

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ladykailitha · 1 year

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Star Child Part 7

Yes, you’ve read that right, I am back with the rockstar AU. I finally got part 8 done (this one ends in a bit of a cliffhanger) I’m still not sure where this story is going other than knowing the ending. That I’ve had since the beginning. So I don’t know how regularly this will update. Plus I have three other WIP that need to be worked on as well. But I hope this chapter was well worth the wait.

We meet Steve’s bodyguards and Eddie has an encounter of the dangerous kind.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6

***

Steve arrived in LA three days later, a day before he needed to be in the studio. Which meant that he would have a day to relax in his pool before being locked into the studio basement for the next two months.

Okay, so that was an exaggeration but that’s what it felt like the last four albums. When he got to his house, he found the most unlikely of pairs waiting for him. They were both in black suits and button downs. His was a light green and hers was pink.

He was tall. Taller than Steve by a lot. His dark skin contrasted with the freckled red-head next to him. Her long hair was braided to the middle of her back and she was short, barely coming up to Steve’s chin.

Janice got out of the car. “Steve, these are your new bodyguards. Lucas Sinclair and Max Mayfield.”

Steve looked at them blankly. “Yeah, okay.”

Lucas caught his look and laughed. “I’m just here to pull her,” he jutted his thumb at Max, “off bad guys to limit the liability.”

Max just grinned.

Steve huffed out a laugh. “So how is this going to work?”

“They will go out with you whenever you leave the house,” Janice explained. “So be sure and call ten minutes before you leave, so that they can arrive. If you have a schedule for the studio, please have your manager forward it to us. Schedules are great for us, but bad for you, because people can pick up on it and stalk you.”

Steve bit his lip and nodded. “I just want to let you guys know that I’ve had trouble with my security spying on me for the label, so if anything gets back to them that I don’t want them to know, your ass is grass faster than you can blink.”

The other three shared glances, but all nodded. “You have our discretion,” Janice said.

Steve nodded. “I go into the studio at 10am, but I run every morning at 6am.”

Lucas and Max shared a glance.

Lucas sighed. “I guess I’ll be digging out my running shoes.”

Steve chuckled. “You think you can keep up?”

Lucas laughed. “Just try it, pretty boy.”

Steve let himself into his house and sighed. It wasn’t one of those white, sterile monstrosities that other celebrities tended to go in for. It was warm and welcoming and everything his parents’ house never was.

He immediately went for the pool, opening the sliding door to his backyard. There on one of lounge chairs was his favorite person in the world.

“Robin!”

She looked up from her magazine and grinned. “Steve!” She jumped up and gave him a hug and big kiss on the cheek.

“You ready for this?” she asked gently. “Just two more months and you’ll be free to be you.”

Steve sighed. “Yeah I know.”

“The label called me yesterday,” she said leading him over to the chairs and sat him down.

“What did they want?” Steve asked, wearily.

“They’re pissed,” Robin said. “They were expecting you to take longer for the five albums and are threatening legal action.”

Steve’s eyebrows went up. “Holy shit!”

“Don’t worry, I’ve contacted a good contract lawyer,” Robin said, putting her hand on his knee. “We meet with her tomorrow.”

Steve sighed. “I didn’t do anything wrong. They wanted five albums, I gave them four platinum selling albums and about to give them another. They can fuck off.”

“I think they were expecting you to take longer than six to eight months touring,” Robin said.

“I don’t like performing, everyone knows that,” Steve groused.

“I think people might disagree with you after seeing the Love Loud concert,” she said, sing-song.

He laughed. “Okay...let me amend that. I don’t like performing pop.”

Robin laughed with him. “I don’t know why they tried to box into that. Think of how much money they would have made if they had given you creative freedom?”

Steve shook his head. “I know, right?” He got up. “I’m just gonna change into my swim trunks and be right back out.”

She nodded. “And don’t worry about the contract. I made sure it was air tight in our favor.”

Steve grinned.

Eddie was lying in bed at their hotel in Austin, Texas, thinking about Steve. He was always thinking about Steve, so that wasn’t new. But was new was that he was thinking about writing a song about Steve.

An actual fucking love song.

Corroded Coffin had dipped their toes into the love ballad pool a couple of times in the past when Eddie got infatuated with a boy. But this felt different. This felt monumental. And he didn’t know what to do about that.

So he did what he always did when he needed to relax, he called an Uber and got decked out in finest threads. Then he asked the driver for the best gay club in town. Usually Eddie asked the boys to go with him, but he wanted to lose himself in the music for a bit.

He wasn’t stupid. He let them know where he was going and set up an Uber for them to be taken to the club later.

When Eddie got to the club, he knew it was his kind of place. There were two crossed guitars behind the name saying “Upside Down”. The bouncer at the door was a tall, thin man that didn’t look like much, but Eddie didn’t doubt that the man could toss the most determined drunk.

The man barely glanced at him before making a check mark on his hand and waved him through.

The inside was wicked cool. It had Tesla coils and plasma balls that were red, giving off the effect of red lightning hanging from the ceiling.

The dance floor seemed to pulsate with sickly red cracks.

Eddie pulled out his phone and took a couple pictures sending it to Gareth with a message to get their asses down here.

Usually he would loosen up with a beer, but he wanted to get to that dance floor. He pulled his hair back and slipped into crowd that was practically hopping with the music. He let music take control and began to sway. He let his mixed up emotions about a certain teen idol go and just listened to the beat.

The music washed over him like waves. He wasn’t sure how long he was out there, but he began to feel fatigue in his bones and thirst in his throat, so slipped back out into the club proper.

But before he could make his way to the bar, two large men directed him to the VIP suite.

Sitting on the dark red sofa was a gorgeous man in a white suit. He was slim with sharp cheek bones, his blond hair was shaved on the sides, the top swooping over his left eye artfully.

Eddie was impressed. Not his taste, even if he hadn’t been in the middle of the biggest crush of his life. But very easy on the eyes.

“Hello,” he greeted, unsure why he was here in the first place.

“Hello, yourself,” the man greeted. His voice was smooth. “I was surprised when Gorgon said that the Eddie Munson was in my club. I just had to see for myself.”

Eddie jutted his head to the door. “Gorgon the door gargoyle?”

The man smiled. “Very good. He’s named thus because he is my stony-eyed guardian.”

Eddie half shrugged. “Yeah, I can see it.” He looked around. “It’s a nice place you’ve got here.”

“Thank you,” the man said, smile never faltering. “Please sit.”

He patted the sofa next to him, but Eddie opted to sit across from him in a black velvet arm chair.

“You have me at disadvantage,” Eddie said, tapping his fingers on the arms. “You know who I am but I don’t know who are.”

The man grinned. “And if I wanted it that way?”

Eddie moved to stand up and the man held up his hand. “Please stay. I’m Henry Creel.”

Eddie settled back in his chair, wiggling, a smug look on his face. “Nice to meet you, Henry.”

The smile never faltered, but Eddie could tell that it took on a hard edge. He wasn’t behaving the way Henry wanted him to. And that made him the bitch.

“How are you like our fair city?” Henry cooed.

Eddie half shrugged. “So far so good, I’m in town for another day, but I’m not a tourist, I ain’t got time for site seeing.”

“And do you have to rush off?” Henry asked leaning forward, elbow on his crossed legs. “I mean you could send your band in the tour bus and then you could take a flight out the following day. You could be a tourist for one day.”

It was something that Eddie had thought about doing that day with Steve. Go to the children’s hospital, take a flight to Chicago. But he couldn’t do it. His band was his family, other than his uncle, Wayne.

“That’s sweet of you to offer,” he said with a grin. “But I take this gig very seriously. Maybe in a month or so when the tour’s up, but until then...”

Henry’s smile slid off his face for the first time. “I don’t believe it was a suggestion.”

Eddie ran his tongue over his teeth. He knew that the two bodyguards were behind him, blocking his exit.

“I’m not some pet you keep in a cage.” He put his foot on his other knee, making a four with his legs. “I also don’t play well with others.”

Henry licked his lips. “I have my ways. You’ll come to me. They always do.”

Eddie steepled his fingers together and pressed the forefingers to his lips. “You went about this all the wrong way. You immediately asserted your dominance. I hate authority. Oh so much. If you had been soft or even a bit on the simpering side, I would have been putty in your paws. But no...”

Henry scoffed. “I don’t beg.”

“And I don’t heel.”

They stared at each other for a moment.

He planted both feet on the ground and gripped the arms of the chair. “I also told my band I was coming here and to join me.” He looked at his watch. “About twenty minutes ago. So they’ll probably be here any minute now, if they aren’t already. And since you didn’t know they were coming, you didn’t think to tell Gorgon to keep them out.”

Eddie held up one hand and three fingers. He counted down on his fingers. Three, two, one...

“Eddie!” Gareth called out.

Henry’s head snapped up to see the rest of the Corroded Coffin boys standing behind the two guards.

Eddie cocked his head playfully. “Why don’t you tell Castor and Pollux to let my friends in and we can lots of fun the five of us. Or I could just go. This wasn’t as much my scene as I thought.”

Henry waved and the guards parted like the Red Sea.

Eddie stood up as Jeff, Gareth, and Brian came rushing into the room. He let them know he was okay.

“Until next time, Henry,” he called over his shoulder.

***

Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 Part 15 Part 16

Tag List:

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#My writing #stranger things #steddie #rockstar au #song fic #ladykailtiha writes

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hey-hamlet · 11 days

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wha!!! hope everyone is safe, including your mutual. Also, good on you for taking a break!! I have missed you but I'm glad you're being healthy and studying<33

actually i didn't tell that mutual story because i forgot to, but i will because it's kind of hilarious. i wont @ them just bc i've been rather loosey goosey with my personal information here and don't want to dox them by proxy (not that i think i would, but anyway! most of this story is actually just my complaining about the field trip but anyway. hang in there.

so! i have to take this one first year course because i only just picked my minor. people playing along at home will know im a second year who already has a degree, so this first year course is kind of killing me because its just the same content i've been taught before. nothing wrong with the course itself, im just not the target audience here.

there was a compulsory field trip which no one was enthused about, especially given it was 125 dollars and our course coordinator was kind of bitchy about it like "just don't buy bubble tea for a month and you'll be able to afford it" which. still mad about but not relevant here. we arrive and its pissing down rain. like, we are swimming in it. this rain continues the whole time.

and then as we eat lunch, the power cuts out. this is an over night trip. the power does not come back on until the next day at about noon, so we all have to hang out in the dark and take freezing cold showers - the showers were also full of weird bugs and smelt terrible. we are also in a 10 people per room situation on terrible terrible beds, and they make us wake up at 6am which is extra lame.

ANYWAY, through out all of this, we had 2 major activities, done in groups of about 8 with one tutor to each group. our tutor is basically group adult (this is a first year course and most of the people in it are like 18) and the person who knows what is going on. my tutor, who i get randomly assigned, is a delight. very funny, nice to work with, explains things enough to make sense but not enough that i get impatient, 10/10 great at their job. as a group, we all chat to eachother and the tutor.

i, as a person who has default scripts for small talk(ish) talk i run through, only have so many fun anecdotes i can tell about my life. it turns out that this is a problem.

at the end of the trip, we are sat in a room waiting for the bus, just vibing. not relevant to the story but like 3 people stacked it falling down the hill just getting to the room bc of how steep and muddy it was, i felt terrible for them, but it was also kind of funny. my tutor turns to me.

"so. do you like, have a tumblr? because i think you do."

i turn, torn between called out and impressed at the accuracy of this burn. "yeah i do - why?"

"i. think we're mutals." i blink. i do not know how to process this. they lean over.

"hey-hamlet, right?"

my soul leaves my body, then i have a moment where i am violently grateful the stuff i post here isn't *that* weird. like its weird. but. it could be so much worse.

#a little bit confused about the total lack of accessibility options for both the camp itself and the activities we were *graded* on #but #im unaware if anyone needed to request it so idk if it was a problem #also. 4 people got leeches on their eyeballs. so. hm.#asks #study talk #shout out to u tutor ur a delight i think i mentioned u on my secats (complementary)#i have no idea if it submitted bc the site did something very strange #that was a long post! apparently i had a lot to say. i should get out more during swotvac.

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spock-pewds-louise · 1 year

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Wow, uh okay so there's a thing going on with Pewds...

He got an urine infection, and that's just an annoying thing for humans to have but its apparently deadly for cats if not treated fast. Like I'm talking 3-6 days of having it untreated can be fatal😖

I texted the vet on saturday night and told them what was going on and if it was normal or what I should do, they answered at 6am on saturday (cuz who sleeps anyways? Clearly not me)

They told me to call the emergency vet and tell them, I did and he called the only open vet in the area, AND then we had an appointment asap.

I called mom and she basically ran out the door (and told me she didnt even take time to put on a bra xD)

She came and picked me and Pewds up, let me just say that shes like almost 15mins away, but she got here f a s t

We arrive and I tell the vet that hes been struggling to pee for almost 2 days, hes hissing and growling (not to me or the other cats), hes drinking water and have been kinda meh on the food.

I changed the food cuz they all started to throw up by the food theyve had for 10years...

And I told him I havent been the best at changing the litterboxes, or emptying them...

And the cats are fucking champs, they will only go in the box, even if. But it's not a "wow my cats adapted to my depression, awesome" its fucking serious, if fucked up BAD.

Because, the food I started giving them gave Pewds more crystals, cuz cat food have that for some reason, and if you dont change out sand and poop scoop often, that can ALSO give them urine infection.

AND its "common" for elderly and sterile male cats to get the infection, so that's a thing to remember.

Is it my fault? Dont know, could I've prevented it? Possibly.

Am I gonna be fucking better? Absolutely!

Back to the status of Pewds

After he stopped being all drugged up, he just looked genuinely pissed, which I get.

Drinking water, trying to pee, sleeping A LOT and only when I pick him up and put him on my lap, he starts to seem like Pewds again🥺

Headbuts, washing my face (trying not to remember hes constantly washing himself), purring and holding onto me in his sleep.

I've been inside the bathroom with him for hours, towel, a pillow and a blanket, and I've been up against a wall and Pewds on my lap or close to me as I've slept (and my neck and ass hurts like hell) hes peed on me, and I've let him cuz poor boi.

His wet food, given by the vet, that smells worse than any other I've smelled:

Come sunday night, 3am.

I've googled and learned all I wrote on top, and I'm sobbing, having a full on panic attack, just holding him and breaks and try not to cry on him.

I call the emergency vet dude again, tell him it's me from Saturday morning, update him and let him know about Pewds current behaviour and if it's ok, is it normal?

I tried not to cry on the phone, but I basically thought he was declining cuz of me.

But!

Everything is as it should be, all hes doing is normal, sleeping more is fine, didnt eat ALL the wet food? As long as hes eating, hes fine.

Randoming peeing with a tiny but of red colouring? Normal and fine.

So I calmed down, and sat with Pewds until I went back out to sleep. Woke up 3 hours later, put him in the cage and sat it in the hallway and I cleaned the bathroom, since it stank of piss, now hes just sleeping and relaxing, he seems fine, and nothing is screaming danger.

Google have helped, I talked to a dude I have on xbox cuz hes had a cat that *died* cuz they didnt catch it in time. So I'm lucky, Pewds is lucky.

Now we're just waiting for tomorrow, Tuesday, to see what the vet says.

Updates this post then.

Here is a fresh pic of him now:

#cat #cats #catlife #cat pictures #pictures of cats #cats cats cats #crazy cat lady #cute cats #sick cat #illness

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theladyofbloodshed · 2 years

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Well this expains a lot!

I just thought you were a bitch for never thanking anyone for whatever compliment they paid you.

Okay, this has pissed me off.

I get a lot of messages and I appreciate people take the time to write to me but:

I try and reply to every single one on AO3 - and I have 1654 comment threads on there.

On here, I try to reply to all of the anons I get and I do thank them (1, 2, 3, 4, 5).

I also have lots of prompts that I will get around to writing and I do apologise that they sit there for so long but unfortunately I have a full time job and sometimes the creativity doesn't flow either.

I don't always respond when people reblog with comments because I don't want to keep reblogging my writing and clogging up feeds with the same post.

Most of the time when people reply to my fics on here, it happens when I am asleep because I live in a different time zone. I wake up at 6am and go to work and I get home at 5pm. I am out of the house for 11 hours of my day and my first priority is generally getting a cup of tea and having 10 minutes to chill and switch off as I work with 30 six year olds so I forget to reply back.

I am sorry that I forget to reply to things, but I do appreciate every message. They also take me a long time to reply to.

It also takes me hours and hours to write. Any free time I have is spent writing or replying to messages. I wanted to learn how to draw this year but then I feel like I'm wasting valuable writing time because people are keen for the next chapter.

More than anything THIS IS FOR FREE. I do not earn anything by writing fan fiction. I do it because I love writing.

Generally, I do not think I'm a rude person. I try to be approachable and respond to everything. When you call me a bitch, it makes me want to just not write anything at all because I feel horrendous. I am a very sensitive person and always worry that I've upset people. As a result, this evening I am not going to write the next chapter because you've made me feel like shit!

#my partner is also seriously unwell at the moment and we've been to hospital and called doctors many times #sorry i am not giving 100% to tumblr

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somethingusefulfromflorida · 1 year

Text

Mid-January through mid-March is the busiest season of the year down in the Keys, busier than memorial day and mini lobster season and labor day all rolled into one. I work at a motel, and we are pretty much booked solid for that entire two month period, mostly long-term tenants (rich northern tourists who live at the motel for the winter), which to me seems like a ridiculous waste of money but they're noce enough and tip well. It's the short term stays that piss me off, the less-rich northern tourists who slip into the cracks left by the long-termers, one day here, a few days there, moving to a different room every day, hyenas nipping at the scraps. They act like we owe them the world. They didn't get exactly what they wanted, so they expect special treatment to make up for it.

"I stay here every year, can you give me a discount? I know you have the lowest prices on the entire island, but I WANT LOWER!"

"I know you only had a room with one bed, but can you kick someone out and give me one with two instead?"

"You open at 9, but I want a 6AM wakeup call. What do you mean you don't offer wakeup calls? You must be new, because I've been staying here for twenty years and I ALWAYS get wakeup calls! Oh, you've been working here for 3 years and caught me red handed in a lie? Fuck you."

"I'm best friends with the owner. I'm best friends with the mayor. I'm best friends with Captain Jack." There are hundreds of bald, beer-bellied, business-owning boat captains who call themselves Captain Jack, but none of them are affiliated with the motel, so I have no idea why people think mentioning them will get them a deal.

We have 24 rooms and a maximum of 3 maids on any given day, sometimes as few as 2, but EVERYONE expects to be allowed to check in early. The maids can only clean one room at a time! Some are done first, some are done last, that's juat the way things go. I can't make them work faster! The only time we ever tell a maid to do a specific room first is if it's a room move, in which case the tenant needs to be able to hop from one to the other. I once had a lady cancel her reservation because her room was last to be finished up. She kept calling throughout the day and showing up to the office to get a status report, no matter how many times I said I would call her when it was done. She really expected the maids to drop what they were doing and get to hers right then and there; they'll never admit it, but I know for a fact that the maids will ignore customers like that on purpose and do their room last just to fuck with them, and I don't blame them. I condone it wholeheartedly.

February is a weird month because we are exceptionally busy, yet there's almost nothing to do. Every single room is full every single day, so there are lots of room moves and phone calls and packages to be delivered, but then by chance everything will line up on a random Thursday and we'll get a full day of dead silence, nobody checking in, nobody checking out. The phone will ring off the hook no matter what, but 9 times out of 10 it's a straggler asking for a date we don't have, so I can turn them away and pretend to care when they ask "now what am I supposed to do?!?" But that remaining 1 time, they'll be super flexible, I mean annoyingly flexible, they will take any and everything we have no matter how spread out.

"I'm sorry, we're booked up that weekend."

"Okay, what about Monday?"

"We're booked up Monday too."

"Tuesday."

"We're booked up that whole week."

"What about next week? What do you have available from now until April? I'll take it."

I hate that kind of person because they've never had to work a day in their lives. They're in a comforfable, insulated, rich-beyond-your-wildest-dreams fantasy world where they can decide to go on vacation whenever they want, on a whim. Me, if I want to go somewhere I have to plan months in advance, and if the date I'm looking for is booked, then I'm shit out of luck. I can't just drop everything at a moment's notice and decide "I wanna go on vacation sometime in the next month, doesn't matter when." They don't have to worry about their job, they don't need to take a lost paycheck into account, things just work out for them because they can throw infinite money at the problem.

They also expect us to control the weather. Literally. They will call us a week or a month in advance and ask what the weather is supposed to look like when they get there. My dude, major news networks can't even predict what TOMORROW is gonna look like with 100% accuracy, and you want me to tell you if it's gonna rain on St Patrick's Day?!? It's one thing to ask that question during hurricane season when we can tell them a storm has formed in the Atlantic and may be heading our way, but even then the cone changes every single day, so we don't know if there will be a storm watch or storm watning more than a few days in advance.

What do you want from me? I just work here. Your vacation is not a priority to me. You clog our streets and throw your trash into our waters, and you expect me to welcome you with open arms? These people say that they're helping the community by putting money into the economy, but TRICKLE DOWN DOESN'T DO SHIT! You spend money at a big chain store, that money stays in the chain store. You spend thousands of dollars at the motel, it stays in my boss's pockets, I don't see an extra dime; if you tip the maids, good for you, but they don't live here so if anything you're helping whatever neighborhood in Miami they live in. Tourists are killing the Keys! Literally every single business that catered to locals has shut down and become a tourist kitsch shop! We don't have a walmart or a target, so if we need anything we can't get at Publix, we have to go on a day trip to the mainland. We had a Dollar Tree, really useful, but now it's a Sandal Factory, literally a quarter mile up the road from ANOTHER Sandal Factory (the nutsack who owns them says one is for northbound traffic, the other for southbound).

Do you know how many seafood restaurants and boat marts we have down here? They pop up like Spirit Halloweens every time something closes, and then they close too because the market is saturated with an unsustainable number of restaurants and boat marts. They're not like Dunkin or Starbucks where there's enough clientele to sustain one on every street corner in the country, they're all competing for business and sucking the nutrients out of the soil, Tragedy of the Commons. Everyone wants to get in on the lucrative tourist industry, but then everyone fails and the locals suffer because we have to travel 2 hours to buy a new pair of shoes or a microwave. We live in hell! It's like living in fucking Disney World, and I mean that literally, like actually living inside the park itself. Sure, there's food and water and roofs over your head to keep out the rain, but it's still just an amusement park, not a neighborhood, so there's nothing else to do and nowhere else to go! Want to see a movie? Sorry, you have to leave the park. Do you need new plates and cutlery? Sorry, you gotta leave the park. Do you want to do anything that isn't designed to drain money from rich tourists? Sorry, you gotta leave the park. But you live there, so you have to keep coming back every night like you're on a leash.

#rant #florida keys #tourism #all tourists are bastards #the customer is always wrong #my job #work #motel #keys #the keys #tropical paradise #tropical hellscape #tropical purgatory #hell #my personal hell #living hell #go home #all customers are bastards

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valkaryah · 2 years

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I just want to thank you for having actual good criticism/critique/opinions in general etc

Elvis deserves to have a higher Letterboxd rating period I am actually so pissed and so do many other movies

I'm glad you find some value in my angry 5am movie rants, darling <3 I appreciate the kind words.

There's a lot about the current movie review culture I dislike, a lot. I think earlier today I said something along the lines "film criticism is dead and has been overrun by the scored rating" and what I meant with this is that people seem to care more about a number that ranks a movie than a paragraph or a text where there's some reflection/appreciation about the movie. What seems to matter is the quantitve form and not the qualitive form. And I think rating without an argument to justify it is just a meaningless thing, a meaningless number. I'm interested in the why the movie is good or bad or average. And letterboxd in special pisses me off because most movies's top reviews are just one liners ironic, bad, twitter-ish joke doesn't say anything about the movie itself. It's not a review, it's a bad tweet. I'd prefer a letterboxd top with actual reviews instead of "funny" one liners to a higher rating.

Although I do agree that Elvis letterboxd's rating is too low, but hey, that's letterboxd for you. Being "funny" and up on the social pedestal with "the right stance on x matter" is more important than actual sharing some critical thoughts, I guess because the later actually requires some thinking. And that's what I would like to see: people's actual thoughts and an openess to engage with clear eyes to different stories, directors, subjects and just cinema in general.

And thank you for sending this ask! I love talking about movie stuff, I hope this reply is readable and makes sense, I tried my best but it's nearly 6am here now.

#asks #í went on a rant again oopsie but movies man <3 #and also people man!!! theyre annoying sometimes

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jodilin65 · 34 years

Text

THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 29, 1990 I haven’t written in a while which I sometimes don’t. Last thing I see I wrote about was getting my hair trimmed. Linda trimmed my bangs and my top layer. My top layer was and still is pretty much fried with split ends. I have split ends everywhere. She was shocked at the weight I lost and how long my hair’s gotten. I haven’t seen her in 3 years or so. Linda hasn’t seen me at my skinniest though since I’ve gained 8 pounds. Funny thing is that it looks like I gained double, like 16 pounds. Of course, that’s cuz I’m so short. I no longer despise being short as I’ve realized the many advantages of being short as I’ve gotten older.

Andy’s here now asleep. He came over two nights ago, too. We made some calls this time. Last night we played Crazy 8’s which we haven’t done since we were kids at the beach. Also, we played the piano.

I’ll write later as I’m exhausted. For the last two months or so I’ve been sleeping at night, but I was up all night cuz I slept too many hours yesterday.

WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 14, 1990 I am waiting to have my hair trimmed at Hair Performance by Linda. My top layer is incredibly fried. Also, I need my bangs trimmed.

Brenda’s very sick today so I’m going to be going to Martha by bus and it is incredibly freezing out!

SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 11, 1990 Well, I’m not going to be sleeping for a hell of a long time. I never got up yesterday till 9pm. I had woken up in the early afternoon but felt like shit so I went back to sleep. Not too much has happened since I last wrote. I’ve done some pretty nice drawings, been pissed at Russ cuz he’s got the heat off from 11pm–6am, been a little depressed cooped up at home and wanting to sing. Lastly, been frustrated and scared over my bronchitis.

TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 6, 1990 I fell asleep shortly after 11 PM, after seeing the Tai Babilonia story, then at 1:45, I woke up for no reason at all. At least I didn’t wake up cuz of an asthma attack like I did yesterday morning and several previous mornings. I feel much better now and for the last 5 days, I’ve had 4-6 ciggies.

Soon I’m going to try to go back to sleep so I can join Andy on job-hunting trips. Not a job for me, for him of course, but it’ll get me out of the apt.

I’d like to sleep with Shadow, but he keeps waking me up.

I had a great visit with Tammy and the kids, and also a great day with Brenda. Sarah’s adorable and she’s got so much hair on her head. Everyone in the family was born with lots of hair.

John came over for a half-hour tonight and met Brenda and Bill.

Oh, I wish I knew my test scores! I want so badly to go to the academy. I suppose, though, I won’t be going for whatever reason cuz I want to go badly. Of course, that is until I can get anything going musically.

FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 2, 1990 Yesterday was awful. I was so pissed at Russ. For the last 5 mornings, during the wee hours of the morning, it was freezing. Later on between 7:00-11:00, it would turn into a sauna. I woke up for two reasons. One was the fucking radiator in the kitchen would clank so loud, you could probably hear it downtown. The other is that I’d have major asthma attacks due to it. It would get so hot in here that my windows would be wet. I yelled on Russ’s machine, asking what it’s gonna take for the heat to be evened out and he stopped up to adjust the thermostat. If this happens continuously, I’ll make partial rent payments and if he fights it he’ll wish partial rent problems were the only problems he’s had with me. Otherwise, he’s a nice guy and the best landlord I’ve ever had. He doesn’t do this deliberately, he just has no brains when it comes to heating.

Today, later on, I’m definitely gonna get the fuck outa this apartment. Where to, I do not know, but I’ve got to get out.

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offmychest-official · 3 months

Note

it's been a really bad couple of weeks

i had a situation with someone i was really trying to get closer to (we're family, technically, but now that jusg kinda leaves a bad feeling with me). i had to go home early from a trip i was on to see family because of this and i was incredibly emotional being in the house we were staying in. i was feeding off of all the negative energy that was there to the point that i asked to go home and would have paid for a ticket for a 6am flight if i was allowed. i didn't care about the travel insurance or the technicalities, i just needed to get home.

once i got back, i was trying to help someone with an assignment, but i was still not in the best headspace, so i tried to guide them, but didn't really know where they were struggling. so when they asked to see my answer, i refused, saying i was uncomfortable. other people shared their answers, and i just ignored them.

i had to leave our last class early because it was loud. it's been a problem all semester that people have been chatting amongst themselves in the middle of lecture and it's pissing me off. not only is it a difficult course (integral calculus, or calculus 2) that i've dropped 3 times already because i didn't understand it and couldn't take the hit to my GPA, i am sound avoidant. the sound of whispering triggers my misophonia so badly, and even those who weren't whispering (!!!!) were still too loud. so during the mid-class break, i left, and send a message to the group chat asking for notes (which i got from a friend).

someone threw that "uncomfortable" bit back in my face. i didn't realize it right away, because i was trying to get on the bus, but i realized it. i've been trying to unmask (i'm autistic), but i feel like it's making people hate me, and i hate that i can't tell. i hate that i have to leave class because i was getting so angry i was incredibly close to telling people to "shut the fuck up". i hate that it got to that point and that the instructor just made one offhanded comment to the class about it instead of getting them to shut up in some way. i hate how i feel so stupid in that class and how i feel so stupid for trying to make good with someone who hates me anyways.

#off your chest

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dzpenumbra · 1 year

Text

5/4/23

Another night of interrupted sleep. 4 days in a row now, I think. I don't even know anymore. I'm pretty much perpetually visibly drowsy and out-of-it now.

I legit just have no clue how I'm being woken up with earplugs in. It just boggles my mind how this is possible. I wake up at 9 and the people upstairs are literally like 5 feet above my bed just stomping around and chatting it up full-voices, then the guy gets on the phone and yap yap yaps and belly laughs and then the girl starts fucking vacuuming. Who the fuck vacuums at 9AM on a Wednesday?! Same people who vacuumed at 4AM the night before Easter. I've heard them have absurdly loud sex many times now. The woman had a thing for a while where she would blast shitty generic like "Intro to Classical" music once or twice a week. Then they did the TV in the mornings for a bit. Now, I don't even know what it is that's waking me up or what to do about it.

Seriously, I don't know what's left to do. I can get a white noise machine... to put on in addition to earplugs. I just... I've tried so hard to be patient with these people. To be understanding and compassionate, to just... turn the other cheek and go... "yeah, I wish I had a life like that (in some ways), too". To acknowledge that this is kinda just a reality of living in a city apartment and being an insomniac. But like... it's breaking my will, man. I've gotten like 2 full nights of sleep in the past 2-3 weeks.

It's fucking with my mental and physical health. I'm contemplating just sleeping in the beanbag chair downstairs from now on, but I guarantee that's gonna fuck up my back... or trying to temporarily bring my mattress downstairs or something? I don't even know anymore, honestly...

I didn't choose this. I get that this is kinda what comes with living in an apartment in a college town, but like... there's literally nowhere else to fucking go, man. I'm 36. I'm single. I make absolutely nothing, not that there are even places to rent even if I did make enough to afford them. I'm not built for this shit. I came from living in a run-down old house for 5 years, and living above a quiet garage for the other 7 prior. It's been a big shock to the system in many ways. And I'm still not adjusted.

What pisses me off the most about it was that I didn't have any of these fucking problems until these new neighbors moved in. The first few months, in the dead of winter, it was fucking fine. It was quiet, shit was chill. I could barely even tell I had neighbors, just occasional coughs and dog barks. Now? Now it's like... every fucking day. Ever since these people moved in, and spring started hitting, it's just been like a fucking parade is starting after 8AM. When you go to bed around 4-6AM, this is fucked up.

So... here I sit at 3 AM. Trying to figure out what to even do. Do I get a noise generator? Do I put music on... too? Do I talk to my landlord about this? Like... ugh... I just don't even know what to do.

I've struggled with this for so fucking long. And it's really fucked with my life a lot. See... here's the thing that keeps popping into my head. I would love to be able to do RP or voice acting. I'm ridiculously addicted to this new server, and even being able to play on a different server and just... RP a bit and scratch that itch... dust off Raymond Holmes and see how people react. That would be so refreshing. OR to record vocals. Or to sing in the shower, which I have been doing pretty much every shower since I was like 13. But I do not do those things anymore, and haven't for like 5-6 months now, because I have neighbors. And I'm trying to be respectful. So, my singing is really low-volume. My RP is watching, not participating. I wear headphones 24/7. I don't even feel comfortable streaming, honestly, especially at these hours.

I just don't know what to do anymore. The AirPod noise cancelling works really well, but the batteries only last 4 hours. Google led me to Reddit, which led me to noise cancelling earplugs. They're like $300. Like... dude, I don't know if I can do that right now! That's a lot. Ugh.

I can't explain to others how precious this time is for me. The late hours. I have no problem sacrificing mornings or even early afternoons in order to preserve the peace of night. The quiet. The stillness. I don't want to give it up. And, for years, I have struggled to give it up. But now, it really feels like either I adapt to going to bed at midnight, or I get sick. Like I literally have no choice. And I guess I have a problem with that because it's not on my terms, and rarely feels under my control.

I feel a huge pressure to get to bed right now. Not just the late-night sweats from sleep deprivation, or the 5 lb weights attached to my eyelids, or the persistent tension in my jaws. Like... if I don't go to bed right now? This is just going to happen again. For a 5th consecutive day. And what I don't fully process is... even if I go to sleep right now? Like crawl into bed and nod off? I will still only get 6 hours of sleep. If they're feeling generous.

I'm literally just staring off into the distance and being grumpy now.

I called the doctors about the test results. They literally just repeated everything the doctor told me. I tried really hard to communicate like... "hey, does this... change the diagnosis? does it change the treatment? am I going to get to see a specialist about this?" But, yeah... I didn't do the steroid cream thing he prescribed me so.. I guess i'm just gonna do that the next 2 weeks. I just wish they were a bit more thorough with it, especially considering they didn't call me with my test results for a month until I finally called them. Like... at least give me a little context on what that means and what's going on with my body, not just vague instructions.

I have been a wreck today. And today, for the first time this year, I didn't do yoga. I did get groceries. But I didn't do yoga. Everything was just completely fucked and... I was mad, and tired, and just fed up... and I just didn't show up. So... yeah. Just a bad day. Therapy tomorrow, I'll see what we can do about this there. I'm so tired of getting my ass beat by the world because I'm adapted to a circadian rhythm that doesn't mesh with them. It's been so many years, so many missed phone calls, so many people giving me shit and calling me lazy. All because I just... sleep at a different time than them. And I don't even know why.

I'm trying really hard to find the silver lining here to wrap this up. I got groceries. I took my recycling out, did dishes and picked up my grocery delivery. And I made comfort food. And I put up a poster that I got before christmas. That's actually a good one. I got this poster that's a branching diagram of the evolution and classification of life. I like it. I didn't hang it perfect but whatever. So yeah, even on a day when I just want to fucking storm upstairs and shit on my neighbors' doorstep... or... as I was googling in bed as it was happening... start playing sound frequencies that only younger people can hear really loud out of a speaker placed directly under their couch... Even on a day like that... Where I'm vividly coming up with intricate and devious psychological warfare tactics - like playing baby crying sounds really loud on my bluetooth speaker right up through the ceiling as they're having loud sex... Even on a day like that, and even when running on fumes, I managed to get stuff around the house done. And that's improvement, so I'm going to give myself credit for that.

#diary #journal #online journal #stream of thoughts #stream of consciousness

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baekhvuns · 1 year

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Oh absolutely, people can hold back racist remarks as long as the player is doing well. Like what German, Arsenal and even Real fans did to Özil... nasty

Liverpool, really? I don't actually know many Liverpool fans especially in London. 🧐 I quite like Liverpool but wouldn't say I'm a big fan. Man Utd I agree, they're big, but most people still support at least one London-based club, like my friend who is a big United fan, but also started supporting Arsenal once he moved to London. ❤ Actually, this is the new Madrid coach <3 and I'm his assistant

What was going through my head the first time I met Hwa... first of all "keep the eye contact" second of all "I hope my hand isn't too sweaty" third of all "what a beautiful man" ksjsbsnsjshahsjsjs. But how did this person survive??? A few people I know saw him there too...

Heechul had a bingo card and made sure not to miss anyone, he pissed everyone on every political spectrum, kinda a talent ngl

I didn't get that close to Tamino and had to leave immediately afterwards, but my friend saw him in an art gallery and took photos ❤ Seonghwa cover Tamino challenge, come on Maddox introduce him 🤲🏻 also he's coming to Canada, sadly no Vancouver :(

Yes the choice of songs for Rihanna's performance was really good, I command her for doing it while pregnant, though I think I expected something else. I saw a tweet that said "ASAP Rocky's wife Rihanna did so well during Super Bowl" HUH?! I didn't even know much about him until he collabed with Lana(?) don't say shit like that. Rihanna live was fine, but I think my expectations were higher, she's pretty charismatic, but idk something felt a bit off??? The tickets were really expensive and the concert didn't leave me 100% satisfied, but I like her music, she's a hit maker so I think it makes up to it

Once in a while people start questioning some fans and their minions come to their defence. Ofc some accusations are baseless, and I'm not gonna call everyone a stalker, but obsessed weirdo? Yeah ksjsjsjsjsahjaja. Aaaaanf I need to say this: fuck Berlin! They got Hwa at the pop up store, chased Jongho and camped outside their hotel. Also my "friend" saw them in Berlin twice and 4 times in total and I'm not having it. 🤡 I ignored all their messages lol (not just because they saw Atz, I'm just sick of them in general)

And why am I seeing videos from the same people over and over again, sigh. Whenever I see some of their watermarks I 🔫🔫🔫 those crazy Korean stans especially

Bestie last night I ate so much kimbap, tteokbokki and dumplings I almost exploded and watched YOU until 6am. 💀 then I had to leave before 11am. Buuuut I took photos with Hwa in the Valenteez booth! (We looked cute ngl)

I'm sorry, mushroom head Hwa is really a challenge for me, he's lucky I love him enough, but 🙃 Yeosang's hair though 💞💞💞

Girlie is truly fearless

Bodyguard and bodyguard at the club celebrating over 4 thousands notes

Koreans love their endo... I- anyway let him eat his noodles!!! So fucking cute stop AND FOR WHAT 😳

And rip to marsverse, I'm so sad, I didn't care for Vlive, but Universe come back! I read Hwa's farewell messages, he's so dramatic and lovely 😭💞 what are we gonna do without it :((((

Pauseeeee what JP comeback lmao what did I miss, anyways fencing? And when I tell you I did a little bit of fencing as a child... I'm not ready for fencer Hwa. Real and then he says this and we're supposed to be normal??? - DV 💖

hello!!!

Tottenham calm the fuck down challenge! Arsenal and Man City... I'm convinced you cursed them 😭 they've been doing well for a long time. You don't want me to be happy! 💔I can't even watch any matches noooooo. I saw some clips from PSG and Bayern, Bayern is really that bitch! /// Oh absolutely, people can hold back racist remarks as long as the player is doing well. Like what German, Arsenal and even Real fans did to Özil... nasty

london is what ☺️☺️☺️ what? i didn’t hear it! COME ON DID U REALLY THINK ARSENAL WOULD WIN THE PL?? WHENS THE LAST TIME THEY WON 🤨 2003/2004! PEP CAME THROUGHHH tho im upset at him bc he keeps benching alvaraz THE wc winner and refuses to get him on, maybe that’ll be the downfall🔫 LMFAOOO COME ON ARSENAL PLAYED SHIT AND U KNOW IT TOO,, no bc psg’s tactics are so shit 😭😭 bayern really came through even without lewandowski </3 yEAAAH not the media making a huge deal about eating hamburgers psg “ultra”fans jumping a bayern fan 😭😭 NOOOO THAT ÖZIL THING THAT, TO THIS DAY, UPSETS ME SO MUCH, WHAT A PLAYER!! THE WAY HE GETTING DISRESPECTED 🔫🔫 bro CARRIED ronaldo

speaking of spurs, kane is on bayern’s list for transfers, so at least he’ll retire with SOME trophies 😭😭

NOO BC THERE ARE SO MANY 🔫🔫 a lot my family over there are their “secret” fans + some aston villa ones, def arsenal too but they know they can’t win 😭😭 liverpool fell off,, van dijk salah fabinho carry it,, nunez is….I THINK U ALREADY KNOW DBDB i used to be very big man utd fan esp during ronaldo era but then man cITYYYY LMFAOOO 😭😭😭 if he’s the new rm coach, u best believe im his no7 🔫

NOOO BC THE HAND SWEATY ONE ID BE TERRIFIED TO SHAKE HANDS, this video is the closest we can get to pretending he’s a ambassador for a brand and is meeting w the celebs back stage 🫡 that fan is stronger than the navy, id be passing out,, speaking of fans…

Even though I hate SM and a lot of their recent music and decisions, Hybe is so evil for trying to monopolise shit, first Vlive, now this?! I really hope to catch a sight of Kai, maybe Baek or Shinee 😭 we'll see how it goes. /// Heechul had a bingo card and made sure not to miss anyone, he pissed everyone on every political spectrum, kinda a talent ngl

omg aren’t they trying to merge bbl and weverse now apparently??? 😭😭😭 THIS IS ABSOLUTE BS 😭😭 i feel like it’s going to influence sm’s music but maybe give them all more promos,,, chris lee keeps digging his fucking grave even more it’s ridiculous,,, kai my lord and saviour pls save sm,,, not aespa mocking him too,, his downfall began when he posted about lookas wAIT do u realize this happened all after that picture 😭😭

😭😭😭

yeaah heechul 📉📉📉 LMFAOOO UR RIGHT A TALENT not him saying trained were told to speak about him when they debut 😭😭

AWWWW,, i keep watching his interviews and he’s so soft spoken, so intellectual! and finding him at an art gallery??? man written by a women actually <3 SEONGHWA X TAMINO WHEN WHYS HE GOING TO THAT RACIST TOWN 😭😭😭😭😭😭 FUCK OFF WHO WHEN GOES THERE FOR CONCERTS WHAT THE HELL 😭😭😭🔫

i really wish she performed pon de replay too wouldve been the cherry on top, but diamonds ending was 🤌🏻🤌🏻 with the flashlights and everything! FBSKDJ NO BC ASAPS ACTUALLY REALLY COOL not more than miss riri, praise the lord by him is actually fire <3 he’s rihanna’s husband not the other way around 🫡,,, huhhhhhh ive seen a few of her concert videos i think she has more fun to the music and doesn’t tend to follow the dance fbfbjc wait are her tickets beyonce expensive??? 😭😭😭😭 i got NO CHANCE TO SEE HER NOW COMEON 😭😭😭 SHE NEEDS TO GET PREGNANT WITH AN ALBUM

no yeah the way everyone kept coming to the defence and the fansite kind of emotionally manipulated their way around was talent <3 and jongho got CHASED 😭😭😭 4 TIMES??? oh anon u already know they saw them ‘accidentally’ KDBWKDBSKCKCK SICK OF THEM JFBSNDBDKC ✨BLOCKÉ ✨

And why am I seeing videos from the same people over and over again, sigh. Whenever I see some of their watermarks I 🔫🔫🔫 those crazy Korean stans especially

HOW WERE THEYYYYYY!!!!! omg did eat the tteokbokki with the soju combo, did it have spice bc why does some korean food not have it 😭😭😭 OH U WATCHED YOU?? the new season? is it any good? heard it got a little dumb 😭😭 AAAAA DID U GUYS GET THE PC’S AND ALL??? hope u have lots of fun!! be safe during the clubing 🔫

I'm sorry, mushroom head Hwa is really a challenge for me, he's lucky I love him enough, but 🙃 Yeosang's hair though 💞💞💞 /// Girlie is truly fearless /// Bodyguard and bodyguard at the club celebrating over 4 thousands notes

LMFAOOO HEY 😭😭😭 ITS CUTE 😭😭

omg yeosang is becoming so fine with that long hair and the glasses pairing 🤌🏻🤌🏻 it is very vampire core

SHE REALLY IS FEARLESS THE WAY I GASPED WHEN I READ WHAT SHE SAID JCBSMDHDKC she a mbappe fan it seems i can change u yunjin look me in the eye, speaking of mbappe he just,, wouldn’t hurt to be a lil nice

PLS FBWMDJWK STOP IT THE BLACK HAIRED TRIGGERS SOMETHING TO ME 😭😭😭 ESP WITH THIS

Koreans love their endo... I- anyway let him eat his noodles!!! So fucking cute stop AND FOR WHAT 😳 /// And rip to marsverse, I'm so sad, I didn't care for Vlive, but Universe come back! I read Hwa's farewell messages, he's so dramatic and lovely 😭💞 what are we gonna do without it :((((

WHATS UP WITH THEM AND ENDOSCOPIES 😭😭😭😭 universe going down, then possibly mf going bbl, bbl and weverse trying to merge,,, we’re never getting SHIT 😭😭 atp they’re going to the youtube community section atp 😭😭

TUMBLR ERASED THIS PART

EGWKGFE ANON U DID FENCING??????? 1. UR RICH, 2. HOW MANY SPORTS DID U PLAY ATP I LEARN NEW THINGS ABT U DAILY😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 WHAT HAVE U NOT PLAYED,, no bc hwa in that blond and all black, giving very rich kid at those rich private academies core

IM SCREAMING DHGFLHQDGF

nowww..

???????? ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING??/ AYOO?

#✉️ : ask #dv 💖 anon

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pepprs · 3 years

Text

ok Um actually i think i need to like go get antibiotics immediately my ear hurts worse and is swollen shut ♥️

#purrs #ask to tag #it’s 6am and my whole face hurts bc of it. if this is bc of my teeth i will go fucking crazy idk if i can make it until my fucking root #canal at this time tomorrow <3! also at 4am that guy from my history class texted me and said he wished he could ‘make one of [his] usual #witty comments that make [me] laugh [my] cute laugh’ and well i think i am going to have to punch him. like shut the fuck up!!!!!!!!!!!#read the FUCKING room and stop being weird. im not saying that jokingly / lightly i actually am pissed that he’s coming onto me #in general but ESPECIALLY when im going thru it. also not to be mean but he is… like 7 yrs older than me and i am uncomfortable about it 🙊#i thought he was rly nice and friendly the first time we talked and then after class he stood too close to me and asked for my number and #said he liked my name and didn’t know why and my heart fucking sank. like he only talked to me / wants to talk to me bc he Likes me and it #ummmmm kinda sucks! and sucks for him too lkke i need to tell him i don’t like him bc it’s very… sigh. anyways my ear is KILLING me which #maybe i deserve for saying that but idk it’s just so uncomfortable and i can’t focus in class bc i can feel him looking at me and i hate it

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elldell1204 · 3 years

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Hair Me Out - Spencer Reid x Reader

Y/N wears her hair in many different styles, and her boyfriend, Spencer, seems to appreciate each one in different ways.

A/N: So, I just wanted to add, I try to make my ‘reader’ as ambiguous as possible, that way you can identify with them more. However, I struggled with this one, as I am a white female with straight hair and not much knowledge of (though deep appreciation and love for) natural or curly hair, seeing as I have little to no experience. Therefore, I have tried making this as inclusive as possible but I’m sorry if at any point seems too specific and you can’t put yourself into the story. Feel free to call me out on anything you aren’t comfortable with!

Warnings: Slight sexual themes, swearing, normal Criminal minds stuff (let me know if I missed anything)

wc - 3,217

Dutch Braids -

You and Spencer had just gotten off from work about an hour ago after a gruelling day with an equally stressful case. Which is why as soon as you were both showered, dressed in the comfiest clothes you could find and waiting for the takeout to arrive, you were both sprawled out on the couch in front of a movie, having no energy left to talk, let alone move when there was a knock at the door. Seeing as you were the one with less of the other person’s body parts draped across you, you got up and answered while Spencer didn’t move an inch. You couldn’t blame him; the poor boy was exhausted.

Around twenty minutes later, you’d both eaten, leaving your plates on the coffee table in front of you with the mental promise to wash them later, and were back to snuggling into each other, getting as close as you possibly could to soothe each other after the day you had. Your head was tucked neatly into Spencer’s chest, your knees drawn up to near your chin in the foetal position, making yourself as small as possible. Spencer was the opposite; spread like a starfish with his arm around your back and his head rested against the back of the couch.

If someone were to ask you what the movie was about, you wouldn’t have a clue where to start. Truth is, you felt like you were stuck in-between both the lands of sleep and consciousness, due to wanting to spend some time with your boyfriend (despite him being your work partner for the best part of sixteen hours) but also wanting to sleep for three days. In attempt to make yourself just a little bit more awake, you started trying to focus on different things around you. First it was the quote on the front of the main character’s t-shirt, then it was the Metro you could faintly hear as the last train of the night rattled by, then it was Spencer’s finger tracing up and down one of your braids that you’d done quickly after your shower.

“Spence?” You murmured the first words spoken in practically an hour.

“Hmm?” He hummed in response, his half-lidded eyes shifting to your face that you had lifted to face him.

“What are you doing?”

“What do you mean?” His voice was merely a whisper, and if you weren’t listening for it, the only way you’d know he was speaking was from the vibration of his chest.

You gestured to your hair with your finger, and only when he realised did he stop what he was doing and chuckle lightly and dreamily.

“Oh, sorry, I’m not sure, it just feels soft, I guess. I’ll stop.”

“No, no, it’s okay, you can keep going.” You smiled at him, mustering up the energy to lean up and press a sweet kiss to his lips before retracting back to your previous position.

Ponytail -

To say you were having a bad day was an understatement. You usually like to try and stay as positive as you could be when chasing a serial, paedophilic murderer, but there’s only so many deep breaths and coffee breaks you can take before you really start to get pissed off. Not only had you been stuck in hot and sticky Texas for near a week, but you had also been put into single rooms at the hotel you were staying at. Now, not to sound ungrateful (because you very much are of the fact that you at least have a roof over your head), but only having one single bed to a room means that you can’t snuggle with Spencer after a long day, and these were proving to be very long days.

And to add to the problem, Hotch was constantly on edge since the start of the case, with the victims looking a hell of a lot like Jack, and when you were the closest person to him on that first day when his tensions finally boiled over, you had been the one in the firing line of his rage. Which you can take. You knew he didn’t mean it, and if he had to take his frustrations out on someone for a few days so he could do his job with a clearer head, you were happy to be the target.

But now after a particularly rough six days, your patience was wearing thin, and everyone on the team could see it, which is why they offered you and Spencer any jobs they were assigned that would get them out of the stifling police precinct. And you knew they had good intentions, but even that was starting to annoy you.

So now you were sat at the table in the conference room, a pen between your teeth as your eyes frantically search over the evidence you have piled in front of you, desperate for the answers to this case to fly off the page and hit you smack dab in the forehead so you could just go home and have a fight with a pillow or something, anything to destress.

You heard the footsteps coming from the doorway, but you refused to turn around. If it was Hotch, you swear to god you might actually lose your job with what you were thinking of doing if he was short with you one more time. If it was Morgan ready to hand you a first-class ticket to visit the slightly wrinkly and very smelly coroner again, you might actually flip the table.

“Hey, Y/N.” Spencer greeted you warmly, sitting on the table to your right as your eyes slowly lifted to meet his. No, not Spencer. Hold it together, Y/N, hold in your rage, he’s done nothing wrong. “Oh, I haven’t seen you with your hair tied back in a while. I like it.”

Such a sweet statement, and yet it broke you. You could see in his face the moment your eyes lit aflame with anger, and you couldn’t miss the harsh swallow he took to brace himself for your fury.

“Well, Dr Reid, let me teach you a lesson, shall I? 3 reasons. One, it is way more practical for kicking someone’s ass, and right now, I would love nothing more than catching the sleazy son-of-a-bitch who is deriving pleasure from this,” You gesture violently to the crime scene photos splayed out in front of you before continuing to spit your venom. “And beating the living shit out of him until he’s crying out for his mommy. Two, do you know how many officers have tried to flirt up a storm with me in the past week? Way too many to count on one fucking hand! One even went so far as to try stroking my hair like a goddamn cat, and so to avoid that situation, I have put it in a ponytail, because if anything of that nature happens again, I won’t hesitate to break someone’s arm. And three, I usually have it down because most men think you’re dumber when you play with your hair, or I can play seductive to get what I want without a warrant fifty percent of the time. But seeing as we have absolutely nobody on the suspect list right now, and the sheer fury I possess at this moment, I don’t foresee the possibility of me needing to be either of those things, do you?”

Your lungs were heaving once you were done, and poor Spencer looked like you just told him you were a Russian spy sent to kill him. Your eyes were locked onto each other’s, and when you came back to reality from your rant, you recognised the softness and love in his that you were grateful for every day. Granted, they were a little masked by fear right now, but you’d admired him often enough to be able to spot even the faintest hint of your favourite emotions.

You let out a deep sigh, signalling you were back to your normal self as much as you could be right then, before dropping your head into your hands to rub your eyes with the heel of your palms.

It was then you felt the unmistakeable warmth of Spencer’s hand rubbing soothing patterns on your back as you gathered yourself together, bringing tears to your eyes as you opened them once more to face him.

“Oh, Spencer,” You whispered, grabbing his hands tightly with yours, lifting them to your lips and pressing sweet kisses to his knuckles. “I’m so, so sorry. You didn’t deserve that at all.”

“It’s okay, my love.”

“No, it’s really not. I never should have raised my voice at you, especially when it’s not your fault at all that I’m frustrated.”

“Y/N, I understand.” He smiled at you, a small and sympathetic one, but it calmed you nonetheless as he stood, pulling you up from the chair to wrap his arms tightly around you. You gripped onto him like he might run away if you didn’t, breathing in the warm scent that is so unmistakeably Spencer. Your vision was now cloudy with the tears that so desperately wanted to spill, but you were adamant you wouldn’t give the local cops the satisfaction of seeing you with wet cheeks. Luckily, Spencer knows you better than anyone.

“There’s a park a few minutes’ walk from here with a small duck pond. Would you like some fresh air?”

You nodded frantically against his neck as you finally let go, allowing him to lead you out of the precinct, hand in hand, his thumb running softly over yours as you walked.

“I don’t deserve you.” You mumbled, leaning in closer to him as you carried on down the path.

“Nonsense,” He whispered, pressing a kiss to your hair. “We deserve each other. Just remind me not to get on your bad side; I like having both of my arms functional.”

Bed Head -

A blaring alarm at 6am has to be up there with one of the most annoying things on the planet, and I work with Derek Morgan. You let out a groan, your arm floundering around to find the source of the wretched noise. Groaning in defeat of not being able to do it with your eyes closed, you cracked one open, locating your phone, and finding sweet relief in the snooze button. A very overexaggerated yawn left your lips as you attempted to stretch your arms over your head in an effort to wake up, only to find one immobilised in the grasp of your boyfriend.

You took advantage the rare opportunity of waking up before Mr Alarm Clock himself (also known as Dr Spencer Reid) by allowing yourself a few minutes to admire his form in the golden sliver of sunlight escaping the outside world through the gap in the curtains. It was only when your alarm went off again after the five-minute snooze timer did you try to wake him up.

“Spence, baby, time to wake up.” You whisper, attempting to gently coax him from his slumber. When that didn’t work, you laced your fingers through his mousy-brown curls, scratching lightly at his scalp, just how he likes. Only then did you receive a response in the form of a muffled groan into his pillow.

“C’mon, my love. We need to get ready for work.” You spoke softly, pressing a delicate kiss to his forehead.

You chuckled lightly, wrapping your arms around his torso as your legs entwined. “Okay, my sleepy darling. But only five.”

“Mmm, five more minutes.” He mumbled, nestling his face into your hair as he pulls you closer than you thought possible.

Safe to say you took breakfast to go, just so you could bask in each other’s embraced for a little longer than five minutes.

Post-Sex Hair -

You climbed from his lap gently, unsure if your legs could hold yourself up as you panted heavily. Practically throwing yourself down beside Spencer on the bed, he took the opportunity to grab your hand, lacing your fingers with his as you laid your head on his chest. You were both still a little dreamlike in your post-orgasmic haze, and when Spencer began to press kiss after kiss into your hair, you didn’t hesitate to enjoy them.

“You’re so beautiful.” He whispered into your hair, punctuating his statement with a final kiss for good measure.

You looked up from your position, shifting slightly so you were face to face, and scrunched up your nose. “Really? Even with sweaty sex hair?”

He chuckled, and you followed with a giggle of your own as he leant over to capture your lips in a sweet kiss. “Especially with sweaty sex hair.” He whispered with a joking edge to his voice, his lips brushing with yours.

“Well, I’m pretty sure the team wouldn’t love my sweaty sex hair, so I better hop in the shower.” You smiled, kissing him quickly once more before climbing out of the bed and walking towards the bathroom, a sway to your hips.

As you reached the door, you turned to shoot a smirk over your shoulder at the blissed-out boy behind you. “Oh, are you not joining me?”

You swear you’d never seen the boy move as fast as when he clambered from the bed and chased you into the bathroom.

Straightened -

There was something about going undercover that equally excited you and creeped you out. Especially tonight, when you were having to go under in a club to catch a guy who was killing adulterous wives. You were the closest person in the team to his type, so it was a no-brainer to choose you, really. Didn’t mean you were happy with it, and it seemed that Spencer wasn’t either, if his clenched jaw was anything to go by.

Well, you were going to do it no matter what, so why not get yourself dressed up and try to bring some joy back to a less than ideal situation? That is why you were stood in the locker room of a precinct on the west coast in a red crushed velvet minidress with black heels, a fake wedding ring and straightened hair, and you couldn’t lie, you were totally feeling yourself.

“Woah, Y/N, you look…amazing.” You heard Spencer say as he entered the room.

You turned your head and smiled at him, feeling a little flustered as his eyes trailed over your form. You attempted to push your dress further down your thighs as he walked to you, his hands encircling your waist from behind and his head perched on your shoulder.

“It’s not too much is it?” You mumbled, looking down at yourself to do a final once over.

You felt his fingers under your chin, lifting your head to look him in the eyes through the mirror, ones filled with love and a hint of desire that set your skin aflame. He brushed your hair aside from your neck to trail kisses down the side of your throat, eliciting a breathy sigh from your lips.

“No, Y/N, you look badass.”

You giggled at the word that seemed so foreign coming from Spencer, but that was soon muffled when he spun you around by his hands on your hips and his lips hungrily met yours. Your lips moved against each other’s, his tongue coming to swipe at your bottom lip in a request for entrance. You granted it, and soon you felt your back collide with the cool metal of the lockers. You grabbed a fistful of his shirt as you explored his mouth with your tongue, relishing in the taste of him. You laced a hand up into his hair as you felt a hand that he had at your waist moving to your ass, gripping it roughly, causing you to moan into his mouth.

“Reid? Y/L/N? You two lovebirds ready?” You heard Morgan mock from the doorway and you both immediately jumped apart like some sort of invisible wall had shot up between you.

Looking around to see that Morgan wasn’t in your eyeline, given that the lockers luckily blocked you two from his view. But not from earshot, seeing as you could quite clearly hear his hearty chuckles as his footsteps got quieter and quieter.

You looked up at Spencer, his hair dishevelled and his tie askew, a look of both embarrassment and amusement at being caught making out like two horny teenagers adorned his face. A grin broke out on your lips, which he mirrored, and soon you were both laughing hysterically as you sorted yourselves out in the tiny little mirror on the wall, attempting to make it look like you weren’t a few seconds away from tearing each other’s clothes off, before re-joining the team in the conference room.

Messy Bun -

Ugh, cold and flu season. You swear you never make it through it unscathed. And it seems as if your battle was commencing today. You woke up feeling dreadful; runny nose, scratchy throat, constant sneezing, and red-rimmed eyes. Attractive.

There was no question in having to call in sick, so after throwing your hair up in the messiest of messy buns and locating the snuggest blanket, you dialled the number. You could practically hear the wince from Hotch when you started having a sneezing fit down the phone. Now you weren’t sure if you could look the man in the eye when you went back.

Once that torture was over and done with, you were feeling sorry for yourself and decided on a warm cup of tea and a dose of shitty daytime television. You were halfway through some over-enthusiastic talk show when you heard a knock at your door. Refusing to leave the blanket behind that you’d burrito’d yourself in, you shuffled over to the door.

You didn’t expect a very sympathetic looking Spencer on the other side of the door, but that doesn’t mean it wasn’t a welcomed sight.

“Hey.” You croaked out.

“Hi. How are you feeling?” You gave him a look that said it all, and he chuckled lightly. He lifted the bag he had in his hand. “I brought the best cure I could think of; chicken noodle soup.”

“I don’t want to get you sick, Spencer.” You whined, wanting nothing more than to curl up into his side but holding onto your selfless and rational thoughts by a mere thread.

You smiled at that, stepping aside to let him in. He passed you and went and got comfortable on your couch, grabbing a fork on the way. When you met him in the living room, he was ready and waiting for you with his arms open for you to snuggle into.

“Don’t worry about me. Now come on, your soup is getting cold.” He smiled, making grabby hands at you.

You made your way over, sinking into his embrace as he passed you the container and your fork. After a few mouthfuls and several minutes of listening to his steady breaths and thumps of his heart, you were feeling much better.

“Thank you.” You mumbled once you were finished and had placed your empty container on the coffee table in front of you, nuzzling further into Spencer’s chest. “I love you.”

“I love you too. Now sleep, I’ll still be here when you wake up.”

Didn’t have to tell you twice.

#spencer reid #Spencer Reid fic #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid fluff #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid smut #spencer reid angst #Matthew Gray Gubler #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid x you #mgg #mgg fluff

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samtheflamingomain · 2 years

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the graphs don't lie

I did a sleep study last week. Out in 20 minutes, didn't wake up at all till they forced me awake at 6am. Told them it was exactly as if I'd slept at home. Compared to most of the other patients looking zombified by a terrible night's sleep, I was fine.

Yesterday the doctor showed me the graph and gave my official diagnosis of an ailment I've known I have for 8 months.

I have IH, idiopathic (unexplained) hypersomnia (tired a lot). Although it felt like a completely normal sleep, I only got around 15 minutes of REM (opposed to the normal cycles of 60 min 2-4 times per sleep) and never hit deep sleep at all. Literally 0%. This more than anything absolutely shocked the doctor. Even those with a bad night's sleep don't spend anywhere near the 90% of time I spent in Stage 2.

Deep sleep (stage 3) is the part that regenerates and refreshes your brain. For 6/7h of my sleep, I was in something of a limbo, stage 2.

Stage 2 is meant to be a 20 minute occurrence before entering and after exiting REM. A little buffer for your brain to chill. Instead I just went there and stayed there. This is the one stage where the brain really does almost nothing. Probably cuz I'm constantly tired and it always wants a breather, and has little time to do much cranial paperwork (stage 3) if you get what I mean.

But I realized I had IH 8 months ago, only officially conformed yesterday. I've never had a medical professional say "You have this disease". More times that I can count, I've been told I'm tired because of lack of exercise, bad diet, my meds, depression. But I have clocked months at a time without being medicated, where I exercised, and when I had a good diet, literally with the sole purpose of proving to doctors that this is not about meds or living a healthy life. Most continued to completely disregard this fact and point out that, did I know, clonazepam can make you tired? Yes, I know. Which is why I forced myself to get off every drug to prove my goddamn point that "clonazepam sleepy" isn't the fucking answer. Unfortunately, most doctors are fucking idiots that aren't qualified to manage a lunch rush at McDonald's.

But today, finally, during a 20-min video call, the Dr. never once attributed my exhaustion to anything but IH. She said that she spent a longer time than usual looking at my study and my (admittedly very large) file. It took her several hours. She realized that in 8 years, there's never been a change in my fatigue despite hundreds of changes in other areas like meds and diet, leading her to believe that this isn't just a part of my many mental illnesses nor benign factors like diet.

I'm on 9 meds and have a billion diagnoses. Hell, let's list 'em: Bipolar 1, Anxiety, CPTSD, BPD, OCD, Anorexia Nervosa, EDNOS, Schizoaffective (4/5 psychs agree, one would argue full-on Schizophrenia), Psychosis, Depressive Catatonia, Addiction (smoking, weed, alcohol), and I'm sure I've forgotten a few dozen more.

Any time before today, a doctor would always throw a dart and pick one medication or mental illness and blame the fact that I have not woken up refreshed in 8 years on whatever their dart hit.

But she put in the work, ran the metaphorical numbers and came out with, "despite all your meds and all your mental illnesses, I am diagnosing you with a disease of exclusion."

"Disease of exclusion" means it's the only answer after accounting for (excluding) every other possibility. It's extremely hard to get diagnosed with one, especially with my phone book of mental illness and accompanying pamphlet of drugs.

But she's right and I've known it for 8 months when I finally discovered IH's existence. I was only diagnosed as Bipolar and not Depressed after my first manic episode at 20. For 7 years prior, I was Depressed, and pissed through dozens of drugs in that time. Then 7 more years of Bipolar drugs.

I think the key thing that made her take me seriously is the fact that I'm on a dose of Adderall that would usually be reserved for the worst sufferers of ADHD. And I can easily pass out an hour after taking it. That's probably the biggest thing that points to IH: even Cocaine Lite can't make me feel awake.

IH has no cure and few treatments besides throwing Adderall and Ritalin at you. But those 2 drugs are nearly identical; if you've tried one you've basically tried both, along with their other siblings I can't name.

But Modafinil is different. It's only ever used to treat Narcolepsy. I do not have Narcolepsy Type 1. I don't even have N2. But after N2 is IH. So by chain of command, it has a chance of working, as IH is technically in the Narcolepsy family.

It's a bit unfortunate, to me, that it took the many, many months of sitting on the sleep study waitlist just for my self-diagnosis to be confirmed and then for a doctor to tell my psychiatrist to get me off Adderall and onto Modafinil. This reads as unfortunate to me because, a week ago, I spoke with my psychiatrist and asked if there were any other drugs like Adderall that might be worth a try, and he said no.

Ritalin is out because I had a psychotic episode after one pill. Luckily, this was when I was already in the hospital. But I actually did name Modafinil because I'd heard of it. And he. Said. No.

So if he doesn't listen to the sleep doctor telling him to put me on it, well, I get to play "wait 6-18 months to find another doctor who will". I'm not a registered patient of the sleep doctor so any recommendations go from her to my family doctor to my psychiatrist. Family doctor is stuck in "must be diet/exercise" mode. Psychiatrist is in "let's get this 5m phone call over with cuz nothing's gonna help you" mode. Finally I get someone in "let's actually think things through for more than 20 seconds" mode and she can't actually give me the one (and quite literally the only) drug that could fix me.

This is already a novel but just one more thing.

I'm Bipolar 1 before anything else. This means, especially since I'm on Adderall which should never be given to Bipolar people, I'm in a state called hypomania. Just one level below "mania", which is one of the few mental illnesses that is portrayed relatively accurately in media. So think that, but a little less intense.

Before IH, I was diagnosed with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, despite only having 1 of dozens of symptoms. I didn't get headaches or days where I couldn't leave my bed. I'm literally just tired. 10/10, 24/7, 365d/y. No exceptions. The only reason I'm able to go to sleep is not because I get sleepier but because I decide it's time to take the sleeping pill that will knock me the fuck out. If I don't, I can very easily just stay up all night, and barely feel any different the next day with the exception of hallucinations. This is because you can't, by definition, get more than 10/10 tired. If that's how your entire life is, your brain adapts to the point where it never says "hey, I'm exhausted, let's sleep." It only ever says "damn I'm tired and could sleep at any moment if you let me".

A lot of people don't realize this, and when I tell them I've been up for 3 days they always say something like "guess you aren't always tired haha I'm very clever." No. I simply either chose not to sleep or realized it was already 6am and might as well start another day. I cannot emphasize it enough: 10/10. 24/7. 365d/y. For EIGHT YEARS.

I'm Bipolar and barely feeling anything from 40mg Adderall. This is not normal. While I'm relieved the doctor didn't do the thing all the other ones did, she still handed me a death sentence in the form of never, ever feeling awake again.

Stay Greater,

#ih #idiopathic hypersomnia #narcolepsy #depression #sam

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