imagine sitting next to sam winchester in prelaw 101 and you’re like can i borrow a pencil and he hefts his backpack onto the table and it’s noisy and lumpy like he’s got a bunch of coins in there and he rummages around and pulls out a pencil and you’re like thanks. do you have a sharpener by any chance and he pauses and looks between you and his bag a few times and reaches in and hands you a pocket knife

sam winchester pride

i have a new fic <3 hiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

it’s s1 sam coming out to dean. was THIS close to making the ending sam ugly crying alone but even though dean Is like. microaggressions boy he’s not going to be a bitch about it all that’s out of character. i think he does try very hard to support sam. like he’s not an ally but probably because he doesn’t really know what an ally is. 

anyway wtf am i even saying.

___ Sam has a headache. Dean comes by, ruffles his hair, slouches into the couch. Sam licks his lips, looking away from the screen. It has loud, bright cartoons on it and in the prickling sense of dread he’s carrying with him, the stimulation is too much. 

Half of the headache is from a hard hit he took to the head, lingering pain. The other half is stress and dehydration. Unless beer counts as hydration, then in which- well, he’s covered. The screen of the television is cracked through; it’s playing Friends reruns. 

He stands abruptly. 

“Sammy, I swear to God, if you start pacing again-” Dean warns, throwing a pillow at him. Sam ducks it, somehow. His body takes up half the room. It’s hard to find space. 

He can’t help it. His feet get itchy, his legs pull tight, and it’s nice. Nice, to put in his earphones and walk around for a little while. “I’ll go out to the parking lot, promise. I won’t bother you.” 

He smiles slightly at Dean, but his brother isn’t much looking. 

The parking lot of the motel has the sticky feeling underfoot of summer heat on asphalt, and sweat. The crumbling pollen and flowers from the trees have made his half-present allergies flare up. As a kid, Sam would have allergy seasons that ran out of sync with everyone else’s. 

Go three years without a single cold, until one awful summer would come and he’d sneeze and sneeze and sneeze. He recalls: Oregon, in a rainy patch. It had been a relief to wash all the yellow pollen away with the weekly downpour. Another thing about Oregon, he’d had a best friend there. A girl. 

Huh. He tries to tuck his smile away, but it comes through like the sun through clouds. Sam looks dumb, doesn’t he? Some goofball pacing around a parking lot and smiling to himself. 

After about ten minutes, maybe more, his pace slows. The scenery is getting too humid. He wants to roll back into bed, into those cool sheets. 

“Sammy? Is that you?” 

Sam kicks his shoes off into the dirty corner. Dean’s left a bootprint on the floor there. If Sam was looking for a fight, he’d say something. “It’s me.” 

“You got a call. Someone left a voicemail. For you.” 

His voice is sharp, pounding hail on cement. “A call?” Sam replies dumbly.

Dean nods his head over to the answering machine. “I’ll put it on for you.” 

Sam’s heart begins to slow to a rolling stretch of highway. The cars moving across it are few and far between and his breath is short and dangerous. 

“Sammy?” The effusive warmth dies down after the nickname, realizing Dean’s heard it through. The voicemail, the nickname. “You gave me this number the other day. Outside the Jewel Osco?” 

He laughs. It crackles over the phone in a friendly way. Friendly the way he kissed tiny little butterflies onto Sam’s collarbones, the way his house was cool in the summer night. 

“I guess you’re a big-time developer and all so I’m not sure if you even care. But I have the jacket you left with me? The other night?” 

He clears his throat. “If you want it back, you can drop by.” The voicemail ends. 

“You leave your jacket at your friend’s house, Sammy? Come on, it’s just like you’re little again. You want me to pick it up for you?” 

Sam realizes two things: Dean hasn’t caught what the message means, and Sam wishes he would have. 

“Dean?” 

“Mmm?” 

Sam has never been able to cry with dry eyes. He can’t hide the shaky undercurrent to his voice. His eyelids feel like cement but he keeps staring at Dean. A flush of fear is blooming high on his cheeks. 

“Me and that guy, we’re not just friends. Or whatever.” 

Sam went calling for information, at his house. Said he was a real estate developer, even though the back of his neck went red with the obvious lie. The suit was cheap and he was young. He’d gotten the information and then this guy, his name is Jude, had kissed him. Sam left the suit jacket there. He’s glad he’s getting it back, all things considered. 

He still doesn’t know what possessed him to hand over his number after buying peanut butter and sandwich bread two days later. A crack in his self control, maybe. 

“What do you mean…” Dean isn’t making jokes, at least. Sam squints hard at the floor. His head feels like a matchbox. Being struck over and over again. His headache is back, erupting with a vengeance. 

“Sam, is it something- Dad did? Is it something I did? To make you, uh.” 

Sam shakes his head, sighing deeply. He wants to be a bitch about it and spit out something sarcastic. “What do you think you could have done?” 

Dean shakes his head. Murmurs, “I don’t know,” almost that Sam can’t hear him. “I guess you’re the type, though, Sammy.” Sam knows what he means by that. “As long as you don’t go around falling in love with some starry eyed dude. We still have to find Dad.” 

“About that. Don’t tell him.” Sam pointedly raises his eyebrows. Dean doesn’t have a great record of choosing- choosing him, his secrets that he keeps tight in his fists. He doesn’t have a record of letting any opportunity to be a good son slip by. 

“Sure, sure.” Dean frowns. “Hey, what about Jess? Did you lead some poor chick on up until-” 

“Shut the fuck up.” Sam’s hands are suddenly shaking. Dean leans back. He’s not the shrinking type, his shoulders stay up and guarded. “I’m not gay, I’m- I’m something else. Both, you know?” The inside of his cheek is bitten raw, he can taste the fleshier bits coming alive. 

“I don’t think that’s how it works, Sammy.” 

The telling was easy; now it’s muddier. Sam wades in anyway. “Who here is the expert, you or me?” The sick dread has risen in his stomach and is now lapping at his sodden brain, pulling him under. It’s hot as hell out but he pulls the blankets over his legs. 

“Sorry. Bad take.” 

“I loved her-” Dean doesn’t like hearing about Jess and Sam cuts himself off. 

“Never mind. I’m going to go get more beer.” Dean leaves. 

Sam looks between the ugly green blankets, the TV still on, the white, unearthly light seeping in through every crack. When he told Jess, she lit up with it, went on to ask him questions, run her fingers through his shower-damp hair and let him talk. 

Dean bursts through the door. “Sammy, I really do want to say- thank you for telling me. You wanna talk about it more, we can go get your girly coffee drink and we can talk about whatever.” 

The aimless tears in Sam’s eyes finally come to the surface. “Oh, come on,” Sam groans. “You don’t have to act like I’m that-” 

Dean interrupts him. “Here, Sammy. Here. The way I see it, you’re like Chandler Bing now.” 

Sam blinks at him. “Dean, he’s not-” 

“Well, maybe not in the show, but everyone knows he’s gay anyway. You’re like Chandler Bing. If you want to go with me and get a coffee, uh, tell me about the guy action you got at Stanford, I’ll be your Joey.” 

Sam swipes the back of his hand across his eyes. If tears were blood he would look like a murder victim. Dean approaches him nervously. “Seriously.” He wrestles Sam into a tight hug, holding him for a long few minutes. 

“Do we still have painkillers around? I have a headache.” The walls (brown wood and decades out of date) are no longer closing in on him under oppressive heat and thoughts of Jess. Dean isn’t mad. Just- just Dean. 

Life returns to normal.

Pressentimento

Never Be The Same - Part 7.

Pairing: Sam x Daughter!Reader, Dean x Niece!Reader, Castiel x Platonic!Reader.

Summary: To save Dean’s life, Sam changes a big part of his past, hoping that he’d only forget memories with his college girlfriend. But, not only he changes his life, he also creates a new one.

Word Count: 2332.

Warnings: None.

A/N: Yes, I’m back after over a year and a half. I know I’m a dumbass for making y’all wait for so long, but, honestly, I want this to be a fun writing, so I try not to pressure myself. Won’t make promises. Either way, always love to know your opinions. Hope  you enjoy this comeback haha!

Pressentimento masculine noun 1. act of feeling in advance, more through emotion than reason, the occurrence of a future fact; suspicion. "I have a p. that this will not work" 2. knowledge of what will happen, obtained by intuition; forecast, hunch, omen.

You still hadn't explained everything to your father nor your uncle. Cas remembered one of the episodes that occurred with you when you were younger, around ten or so. It was hard for you. Every time you tried to explain yourself, things were hard to explain. All the time, something blocked you from exposing the fear inside you, the fear of letting things out.

The way their "new" memories came to them didn't help. It was so unpredictable. Cas remembered you praying first and then, mixed memories, tiny ones, which made him assume a lot about you already; and worry as well. Dean remembered more, like the time Sam was soulless and you lived with him for months, you concluded he was remembering things by the impact they had in his life. As for Sam, well, apparently things were coming more chronologically for him, but a little late, since he also had a lot of Camila to remember.

You tried to think how to talk to them about your crisis. The big ones. It was so complicated. When it started happening, you had your godmother to help with calming down and understanding how sensible you were; but even Vanessa had to talk with the Winchesters to fully understand what made you so much stronger and sensitive. Anyway, she wouldn't help you now that she was in the list of people to whom you never existed.

Oh, and your mother...

Looking at pictures of her nowadays became an addiction. You couldn't sleep before searching a little more about her, not that you've been having much sleep or any of this helped. You wish so bad you could talk to her. And now that Sam told ya you reminded him so much of Camila, you really studied her, trying to find the resemblance.

How would you tell them there's more? More of you to worry. You wanted to wait for a time when the memories hangovers weren't so heavy on them. They were all trying to act normal, but it was obvious - you've never been at home for this long, they were never so quiet. Dean wasn't even drinking, to make sure he wouldn't be more confused.

You were lying down on your bed, trying to ease the headache. It was normal to have a day just to be tired, but after the all day just resting you still got a headache by night. Went to get a pill to make it better and when you swallow it, you realize something.

"I don't exist." You whisper to yourself.

For the first time in that day, you felt useful. Even with the headache, you got in front of the computer and started to do your thing. For some reason you got happy when you confirmed your theory.

"I was never born."

"You gotta stop thinking about that." Dean warned you.

"No, I mean... I don't exist."

The three men stared at you with confusion, you repeated.

"I don't exist."

Still nothing. The room was filled with silence while you hoped for the clicking in their minds. It never came. You sighed.

"I never existed! Never did anything!"

Sam looked at you like he was starting to worry, while holding a bowl with cereal. Just like Dean, who chewed his, probably thinking you've gone crazy.

"I don't understand why you're so excited saying it." Cas finally said.

"Isn't it obvious?" They once more, didn't react. "There are no records of me, at all. Nobody knows about me. I only left the bunker once."

"What's your point?" Dean asked.

"We should keep it that way."

"What? Why?" The brothers said together.

"Well, if nobody knows I'm here, we're in advantage. It's always good to have a secret backup, right?"

"Like... as a surprise element?" Castiel suggested, you nodded. "Y/N, you don't truly expect us to treat you like a secret weapon..."

"Hell no." Dean agreed.

"It's not like it."

"Well, I don't see your point." You father stated. "I know this seems messed up, but, we can fix it. Don't worry."

"I'm not worried, I'm thinking!" You made them quiet. "C'mon, think with me: I barely left the bunker, how could anyone know about me?"

"We know about you." Dean answered.

"But you've seen me. And your memories, are just yours, this doesn't mean the world knows about me."

"Ok, but you'll need to use an ID sometime. Or will you live forever here, inside the bunker?"

"Dean, you should know it's easier to make a fake ID look real if there isn't a real one to prove the fake one as fake."

Sam took a deep breath.

"Ok, so we leave it as it is. How much long do you think it would last?"

"Not much, I know. But at least, for a while it could be useful."

"I don't see how, Y/N. I'm not using you as my secret-spy-soldier or whatever."

"Sam is right. It's not worth it."

"Castiel?" You looked at him, only to find the agreeing look. You looked down.

"Look, how can you be sure nobody else remembers you?" The angel tried to clear your mind.

"For most people I know, I never happened. And the others, will probably only remember me when they see me, if they do. Until then..."

"That's not right." Sam interrupted. "I had this feeling about you, before we arrived on that day; like I left something behind, but I couldn't remember why."

"So did I."

"I got one your prayers for not getting news from us." You stood there, silent.

"That's it? A feeling you forgot something?!" You left for your bedroom, a little ofended they didn't listen to you. Your idea was good, logical. You genuinely thought they would see it as a good thing out of all this.

Reflecting on it, you finally notice: you may not know your family as well as before. At first it sounds crazy, but this is all crazy, ain't it? And after doing their exercise for a couple hours, thinking about your childhood, the events that crossed it and when it all began, you got yourself some questions.

You fell asleep while still thinking, trying to find logic somewhere and always getting to the same point, a lost point. Somehow while sleeping, you had no dreams, didn't wake up once; not even the fact that you were with a jacket bothered you.

"Hey, man. You good?" Dean noticed Sam squeeze his eyes.

"Yep. Just those flashbacks. I hate to have them by day, but I can't sleep no longer."

"Like a constant hangover, thank God it's not a heavy one." Sam did not answer. "Sam?"

"Right..." Sam stared at the floor, seeing stuff in his mind. He blinked multiple times after a little.

"You all right? You seem shocked. What did you remember?"

"It's just... Y/N's suggestion."

"Dude, that was today."

"Very funny!" Dean smiled a little to ease his brother. "It got me thinking. Why would she want that?"

"Honestly," Castiel entered suddenly. "I think she is trying to get something good out of this."

"Good? I see her point, but..."

"Not good." Cas interrupted, correcting himself. "Useful, at least."

"It's not as useful as she thinks." Dean says as if it's obvious.

"It's the only thing she has to offer." Castiel putted it in a weird way, but made sense. They silented for an instant. "Still, how does that has to do with your flashback, Sam?"

"I thought that maybe I should listen to her. Maybe there was a point."

"You, Sammy, considered the possibility of being saved by her?"

"Obviously not. I wondered: what if her non-existence helped her get away from this craziness. Like, she could get to any school if we put some effort."

"You concluded it fast." Cas commented.

"Well, yeah. Then I... questioned." Sam felt the gazes at him. "How did she get dragged into hunting in the first place? Why did I not stop it? And one more thing popped up: why did I leave college?"

"Isn't it obvious?" Dean couldn't understand his brother.

"Dean, if it wasn't for my anger towards Jessica's death, who knows..." He explained. "So why I left Stanford, making Camila stay behind and after weeks drop out too?"

Castiel took a seat.

"Why did you?"

Sam opened the door, showly. You were in your bed, far from his atmosphere, enjoying a rest you needed. He passed the door carefully, took a look at your room and turned the lights off. Ever since that hunt days ago, when he saw you sleep at the motel bed while he was reading about the case, the day he woke up before you and as you slept in the car coming back home, Sam felt peace as he watched you.

It was the moment he could breath easily and a little relaxed. You were resting, next to him, nothing could hurt you in your sleep. There, you were safe and wasn't leaving soon. So he couldn't help watch you once more; just stood by the door for a couple seconds, smiled at the taught of you having a break from this madness for some hours. Grabbed the door and heard your move, turning to check if he had woken ya.

"Sorry."

"Don't be." Your voice sounded lazy. "I have a light sleep."

"So do I." You nodded. You knew it. He regrets commenting it.

"What is it?"

"Nothing. Go back to sleep."

"No, tell me." He understood you couldn't sleep anymore.

"You don't want to talk now."

"It's about earlier, I know." You said while rubbing your eyes. "Just spit it." He gave in and sat in your chair.

"Why do you wanna do it?"

"Why don't you?"

"Why would I?"

"You've always wanted this." He gulped.

"What? No!"

"You never wanted me to be in risk, you hated the fact I made you all vulnerable, now nobody knows I'm here. I know this isn't permanent and things can change, but for now, you could finally be at peace. Nobody knows me, none of you have to worry."

Samuel digested everything you said and got his answer prepared fastly enough.

"For a long time I asked myself if Jessica never died, would I be here? And you know, as things turned out to be, as I found out more and more throughout the years I got the answer." He paused. "I would. Because if it wasn't Jess, it would be Dean or dad, or a friend."

"What do you mean?"

"I left college for revenge." You got surprised. "It wasn't Jess. Not anymore." That sounded weird. "I made a choice and I know now that somehow, at some point, no matter how many times... I would make that choice again. As soon as somebody I care about got in danger. So I left college. For you."

Sam got back from his first hunt after two years. Camila was waiting. They talked and she was serious when she told him to call Dean. Leave as soon as he could. She said she had a bad feeling, he had to find his father. Was something repentine, fast and clear - the fear in her voice stopped Sam from questioning.

"The way she talked to me... her eyes, getting sudden tears. At first I tried to calm her, jokes on me, I blamed her hormones. Camila proved me wrong. I knew she had that sometimes, like with tests or bad decisions, maybe something simple like knowing staying in was better than going to a party. She was always right. If not totally right, fast enough to avoid regret." He looked down as her voice came to his head and repeated her words. "'This is your family we're talking about, Samuel! Your child's grandfather.' She screamed. I was scared." You two laughed a little. "She begged. Aggressively. But, I didn't leave because she did."

"Why then?"

"I called Dean to get back there and pick me up because once we talked, I got that bad feeling too. And was suddenly afraid. Afraid something would happen to either of you." You stayed silent. "I hoped things would be more simple, soon I'd be back and things would go back to normal. You would be born and grow up, normal. We would be a family..."

"Please, don't say normal." He smiled.

"Your mother's bad feeling... I don't know what is was about exactly. She got scared too in that moment and it was the only time I saw her that scared. But I know that mine became true. Only, it was even worse. There was no blame. Of all things that happened in those months, how worried I was with my father, you, Camila and even Dean... The hunts, the confusion and overwhelming information all at once. The fear. Your mother's death was the most sudden and painful." You saw a tear run down his cheek, followed by a couple more. Sam had more to say but you spoke before, in the heat of the moment.

"She knew." He looked back at you, now with red eyes. "I think she knew something bad was going to happen."

"She knew we would be in danger." By we, he meant himself, his uncle and your grandpa.

"No. Not that. She knew that something terrible was happening already and would get worse. But she didn't tell you to go to stop it." His tears froze, lost in your words. "Like you said. Camila was always right about this bad feelings. She was certain." You were sure thanks to your own experience with it.

"About Dean needing me more than her?" You denied.

"About you needing the rest of your family once I was born."

Harmonized Souls

So I was blessed with getting to create a story for the @wincestsoulmateszine  Pairing: Wincest Author Notes: Soulmates, soul songs, au no Angels, Sam’s powers.  Summary:  Everyone is born with a tune one that grows as you do until it becomes your very own song waiting to find its matching one. You can also read it on AO3

Dean felt himself go hollow as Sam's matching cords went silent. He couldn't breathe it was as if part of his soul, part of him had withered up and died the moment Sam took his final breath in his arms.

He couldn't live like this.

If it could even be considered living.

He had seen firsthand what losing a soulmate could do to someone, his dad, Bobby and Rufus just to name a few. Dean didn't want to live like that, hollow and waiting for death to claim him so he could join Sam.

"So let it end!" Dean heard himself shut at Bobby when he said something about the world ending. It was like he was underwater hearing things muffled and he didn't care about the world not when his had just ended.

There was nothing left that mattered to him.

He wanted others to feel the agony that was ripping his soul apart at this moment staring at the lifeless body of his soulmate Dean let himself be pulled into his memories anything was better than this.

Everyone is born with a tune one that grows as you do until it becomes your very own song waiting to find its matching one.

At four years old Dean Winchester didn't care much about soulmates or soul songs. He wrinkled his nose at the thought of that. He had much more important things to focus on like his new baby brother.

Samuel Winchester was a happy baby but there was no missing that he was happiest when being held by his big brother.

There were nights though, rare nights when Sam would act up and cry and until he was placed in Dean's arms and Dean began to hum the song that only he could hear, his soul song.

Sam would stare up at Dean completely entranced as he sang softly and Dean felt like nothing could top this moment.

Sam was four when he finally began understanding the tune he was hearing, the one that grew louder when Dean was around.

Still, at that innocent age, Sam began humming the tune under his breath as he pranced his teddy bear, that Dean had given him, across the sheets of the bed in Pastor Jim's house in the room that he and Dean shared.

"Sammy, where did you hear that song?" Dean asked as he stared at Sam wondering if he remembered him humming that tune all those years ago.

Lifting his head Sam studied his brother and Dean knew if it had been anyone else that had interrupted Sam's playtime he would be pouting and giving them his full puppy dog eyes but when it came to Dean Sam would give him his full attention.

"It is the song I hear in my head." A thoughtful look appeared on Sam's face, "It gets louder when you are around."

Dean didn't understand how could Sam hear his heart song, the only other one who was supposed to hear it was his soulmate. At the age of eight going on nine staring into the beaming face of his baby brother, the one person that Dean loved more than anyone on Earth was his soulmate and when he accepted that knowledge something seemed to settle in him and he felt whole for the first time.

Taking a seat beside Sam he began to hum his song and it didn't take long for Sam to join in and the room was soon filled with the joyous music of two soulmates finding one another.

+*****+

Dean was Sam's first.

His first kiss. Sam remembers how shy and awkward he was when Dean smiled that smile that is just for him as he stroked Sam's lower lip with his thumb before lowering his head and pressed his lips against Sam's.

Sam felt his song burst to life as it entwined with Dean's, the two of them moving in complete harmony.

That first kiss leads to their first night where Dean laid Sam out beneath him and took his time worshiping every inch of Sam's body, laying claim to his soulmate and making sure that no one could ever doubt that they were meant to be.

Whispered I love you were exchanged as their jointed bodies moved in time with the song that they could only hear, the song of their two souls confirming they are one.

Now just because one finds their soulmate doesn't mean that everything is perfect, it doesn't work like that. Soulmates still have their fights, their doubts and worries. Sam and Dean had their fair share of them.

Time and time again their bond was tested but never was great as when Sam went to Stanford.

Sam wanted out of the hunting life but it was everything to Dean. Stanford was Sam's dream school but as he looked at the acceptance letter he knew he wouldn't go if it meant giving up Dean.

Slowly closing his fist and crumpling the letter Sam chose to let that dream go only for another hand to wrap around his own and Sam found himself staring into the green eyes of his world.

"Where you ever going to tell me?" Dean asked in a low voice as he took the letter from Sam's hand and began smoothing it out.

Sam could hear the hurt among their soul cords and his heart ached for the pain he caused Dean. "I was. I wanted to tell you. I did!" Sam cried when he saw the disbelief mixing with the hurt in Dean's eyes and he needed to make things right, "I just didn't know how."

"Were you planning on leaving me, Sammy?" Dean hated how hurt he sounded as he asked that question but he needed to know the answer.

Sam moved with all the skills he had learned as a hunter and before Dean could register what was happening Sam had him pinned to the wall, "Never." Sam hissed out his sunflower eyes shining with unshed tears. "I could never leave you, Dean, you are my everything. I had this foolish dream where we could leave the hunting life behind, I could go to school and you could follow your own dreams. Where we could settle down as normal people and just be us."

Pressing his forehead against Dean's, "But that wouldn't be us. I know how deeply you love being a hunter and I couldn't take that away from you. I couldn't rip something you away from the life you love for my selfish wants."

"They aren't selfish Sam," Dean whispered. He loves hunting it is a part of his life but he loves Sammy more and the fact that Sam was willing to give up his dream because he loves him more made Dean fall deeper in love with Sam. "You know there are probably hunts in California." Dean drawled out.

Sam's head snapped up and he stared at Dean in pure awe and a little bit of hope, "Dean are you saying what I think you are saying."

"I am Sammy, if you want to go to Stanford then I am coming with you. After all, we are a package deal." Dean reminded him before he pressed his lips against Sam's in a deep kiss.

It hadn't been easy telling their dad but in the end, John understood, he didn't want his sons to go through the pain of living without a soulmate.

Jessica Moore had been sunshine on a cloudy day and in another life, another time Sam might have fallen completely in love with her but even though they were apart their heart songs still hummed in the back of his mind a part of Dean was always with Sam.

Of course, that didn't stop their friends from talking and hinting about when they were going to start dating.

Sam felt himself panicking he didn't know where he gave them any idea he was interested in Jess, he talked about Dean all the time.

Jess could see the panic in Sam's eyes, "I like you Sam Winchester but I can see that your heart is taken and I am still waiting for my soulmate. I'll make sure our nosy friends remember that you have a soulmate." Sure Jess thought Sam was hot but he was so deeply in love with Dean, she could hear it when he talked about him, it shone off of him and his Dean smile outshone the sun.

+*****+

Tossing his keys into the small bowel by the door of the apartment Sam shared with Dean he let out a small sigh he missed Dean something fierce but Dean was on a hunt and he wasn't sure when he would be back. Sam was just glad that Cabal was free to go with him.

Moving throughout the dark room, he couldn't be bothered to turn on the lights Sam sensed he wasn't alone, he might have taken a step back from hunting but he remembered everything he had been taught.  

Sam waited until the other person was in the room then he struck soon two bodies were dancing a familiar waltz.

The moment he heard his song cords burst to life Sam knew who he had pinned under him before the cocky voice drawled out, "Whoa there tiger."

"Dean." Sam could feel his heart pounding in his chest, Dean was here, at last, he was once again reunited with his soulmate he finally felt whole.

"I missed you too baby boy." Dean purred before kissing Sam deeply on that Sam happily returned it had been too long since they felt each other's bodies. Even if Dean had only been gone for a week.

Once they were the desire to relearn each other's bodies was sedated Dean uttered a sentence that would drag Sam back into the hunting world, "Dad's on a hunting trip and he hasn't been home for a while."

+*****+

Pulled out of his memories Dean knew what he had to do. "I know you are going to hate me for this but I can't live without you, Sam. If I can't have you back I am going to end up joining you." Dean knew it was the truth without Sam there was no point in him living.

+*****+

Azazel the monster that had destroyed their family was finally dead.

"How long did you get?" Sam asked in a broken voice.

"One year and it was worth it. I couldn't live without you." Dean knew that Sam wasn't happy with the deal he had made with a demon.

"And you expect me to be able to live without you? To know that you are trapped in hell, being tortured because you sold your soul to bring me back!" Sam could understand why Dean did what he did because if it had been Dean he would have done the same thing. But he only had a year, one year to save Dean from his deal and if he had to he would walk into hell itself and pull Dean out.

"I'm going to find a way to save you, Dean, no matter what," Sam vowed and Dean could feel it across their bond Sam meant every word.

"Just don't do anything that would damn you, Sam." Dean pleaded.

Sam's eyes blazed, "Then I will happily damn myself if it meant saving you."

+*****+

One Year Later

Sam felt the matching cords growing stronger the deeper into hell he went. He nearly crumpled at the sheer pain Dean was going through at that very moment and it filled him with even more rage.

He had failed. He hadn't been able to break the demon deal even with the help of Ruby and her training. He had been powerless as he watched Dean be torn to shreds by hell hounds, hearing him scream.

Something powerful in him had awakened as Lilith stood above him gloating about Dean's fate and Sam had enjoyed pulling her essences out of her host body and ripping her to shreds until there wasn't even a wisp of her left.

He had lost count of the crossroad demons he had summoned forth to make a deal only for them to end up the way Lilith had. Sam had felt nothing as he tortured demon after demon to find a way into Hell. He saved their host but each demon met the same end.

It wasn't long before word reached even the deepest part of hell that Azazel's chosen Boy King had embraced his powers completely and was on a vengeance-filled one-man war on all demons until he was allowed into hell.

Demons always thought of themselves first and there were those who didn't want to feel the wrath of the Boy King of Hell and they helped him find away if only to gain mercy from Sam.

Sam, who had felt Dean's pain along their bond, whose song was filled with nothing but agony and pain, had no mercy left and they met the same fate as all of those who crossed Sam's path.

Even the mighty Alistair, head torture of Demons and breaker of souls was no match for Sam. He knew that this was the one responsible for Dean's suffering.

"S...Sammy?" Dean managed to get out as he stared into Sam's smiling face, "Please no. Don't use him." Dean didn't think he would survive if Alistair used Sam to torture him.

Sam's heart ached at the fear in Dean's voice and the fact that Dean was begging, Dean never begged - well unless they were in the middle of some fun times - Sam wanted to bring Hell down around them and make sure that no other innocent soul went through pain like this. "I'm real Dean. I am here and I am getting you out. I promise." Sam vowed.

With utter gentleness, Sam gathered Dean's soul into his arms and a piece of his heart unfroze as Dean snuggled into his hold and he spotted the amulet around Dean's neck. Even in Hell Dean carried the symbol of their bond.

Demons and souls cowered away from the power coming off of Sam in waves, not since Lucifer himself had they felt anything like this. Like the Red Seas, the demons parted as Sam moved towards the entrance.

Just as he reached the entrance Sam stopped and looking over his shoulder he announced, "All innocent souls here because of the demon deals they made are to be released and never again shall an innocent be brought here."

The demons could only nod they didn't dare go against one of Azazel's chosen, they were powerless against the likes of Sam Winchester.

+*****+

Touches full of tenderness and love were what Dean awoke to.

"Sammy?" Dean didn't want to believe it, didn't want to open himself to a new trick from Alistair.

Then he heard it the soft humming of a tune only he and one other knew. He had tucked his soul song deep within him, in a place that no demon could reach.

"Sammy, is this real?" Dean asked in a hoarse voice.

Sam's beautiful face came into view and his eyes were full of love as he wrapped Dean's hand around the amulet. "It's real Dean. I told you I would save you and we never have to worry about demons coming after us again." Sam promised.

Using what little strength he had Dean tugged Sam down onto the bed, it had been so long since he last held Sam. Nuzzling his nose into Sam's neck Dean breathed in the scent that was distinctly Sam, he felt Sam's song cords wrap around his and once again they merged and sung in harmony.

"I think we have earned a long vacation," Dean commented and Sam's laughter filled him with warmth, it would be a long time before the memories faded but he had Sam by his side and that would help in the healing.

Smiling Sam ran his fingers through Dean's hair as he hummed their soul song out loud just for them.  

An Open Letter to Supernatural

[ Spoiler warning for 15x20, obviously ]

I understand that a well-contemplated complaint about this ending cannot be made without first reading the original, pre-COVID, script of 15x20, but in the long run, the initial plan is not what will be remembered. 

What will be remembered is what this show created. What it became beyond two brothers driving around the country, hunting monsters. Characters were introduced and developed, and in that, Sam and Dean Winchester become so much more than two kids living on the road. In the past 15 years, the cast, and thus the family, grew to something that would be unimaginable to those who started this project back in 2005. Not only did the characters and their stories become meaningful, but the show itself grew into, well, a family. The fans who have kept this show alive since Day 1 have come together to form what I believe is the greatest community in pop culture. 

What hurts the most is that this finale did not do any of that development justice. 

The finale (and consequently the episodes leading up to it) reverts back to the story between only Sam and Dean. While some see this as an ode to who they are--their brotherhood and familial bond being the heart of their values and the root of their characters--I cannot help but see this as a rejection of their experiences this past decade and a half. 

What’s worse, episode 15x18 confirmed one of the most pure and powerful and goddamn beautiful romances that television will ever see. This story of an angel who abandoned his family and the only beings he’s known for thousands of years, all for one person. I knew from the instant the screen faded to black on November 5 that the story of Castiel will always be remembered, even if his feelings were unrequited. Castiel will always be remembered. 

And then there’s Destiel. I was genuinely impressed that this show would even grow to include a queer angel, more importantly, a queer character in a leading role. The queer-baiting and the “bury your gays” trope both make this confession and its lack of acknowledgement that much worse (and is worthy of an entirely separate open letter for another night). It matters less if Dean does or doesn’t reciprocate these feelings and more that it’s wrong that he completely ignores it. Cas’s love confession, this beautifully tragic and tragically beautiful emotion coming from a being who wasn’t supposed to feel emotions at all, is something that, unfortunately, will become a secret that dies with Dean Winchester. 

It’s truly a shame that the writers of this show let that happen. 

We haven’t even touched the fact that Castiel’s death was an act of sacrifice to save Dean. Dean’s limited reaction and lack of mourning* tears apart this phrase that has become pivotal to the entire show and fanbase: “Family don’t end in blood.” While it would be a lot to ask that Dean rescue Cas from the Empty and resume their cycle of rescue and resurrection, I think it’s only fair that Dean take the time to fully accept Castiel’s actions and words for what they mean instead of simply moving forward as if they never happened.

What’s more, Misha Collins is one of the greatest and kindest people in this world, and he’s poured his heart and soul into Supernatural, just like everybody else. He’s spent 12 years on this project, and the final two episodes hardly mentioned his character. He didn’t deserve this. It’s heartbreaking that his last credit on this show will be a prank call from someone trying to impersonate him, and not something that pays tribute to such an important character and important actor**

The most devastating part of this ending is what happened in 15x19. Pardon my French when I say that that episode, the ultimate climax of the season and latter half of the series, was a piece of dog shit. It’s incredibly frustrating to invest in 15 years worth of television and look forward to this ultimate battle between two average boys and God the Almighty Himself and to instead watch a 6-minute long fist fight on the beach with the only dialogue being variations of “seriously guys, stay down.” 

My issues with 15x19 lie less in the storyline that was chosen and more in how they were presented. I am completely on board with Jack taking God’s power and eventually becoming the new God, but the episode was far too quick to have any real meaning, and, as stated before, Castiel’s sacrifice, which allows Sam, Dean, and Jack to do what they do in 15x19, is hardly mentioned.

Most fans agree that 15x19 was far too quickly paced. The plot with Michael and Lucifer was questionable to begin with, but should have been an episode on its own if it were to be perused at all. Michael’s story in particular could have been fleshed out to reiterate this theme of overly loyal sons and their fathers, as well as their relationships with less loyal siblings, but was instead reduced to about 20 minutes of screen time. 

Though this is less important, Lucifer’s plan to make a new Death felt like a cheap cop-out just to close the storyline with Death’s book, but we can finish that discussion another day. 

The general fan reaction to this atrocity of an episode was that this was meta, and according to Becky, the ending was supposed to be dog shit. This, along with the untouched storyline started when Cas died, gave fans so much hope that the finale would be this amazing piece of art that puts Supernatural in the history books. 

While it’s obvious that an hour cannot perfectly tie up every single event and arc with a pretty little bow, it can at least...try. Any finale should, at minimum, pay tribute to what the show started as (which 15x20 did well) and what it became (which 15x20 failed to do miserably). 

In addition, a reference to character back in season 1 is incredibly frustrating when recurring characters with actual, well, character go unnoticed. I mostly reference Eileen here, but this also applies to Jody and Donna. Nobody even mentions the other wonderful friends who have helped Sam and Dean along their journey to Heaven. If family doesn’t end in blood, then why doesn’t it extend to include Castiel, Jack, Mary, Rowena, Charlie, Kevin, Jody and her girls, Donna, and so many others?

Dean’s death was sad, I’ll give them that (and honestly, I was expecting it). However, considering that this man has defeated apocalypses, killed Death, and taken down God, his death via nail in the wall was incredibly anticlimactic, and something that could literally have happened at any point over the 15 seasons. While Dean’s death was obviously not my ideal ending, I think it could have worked if it were done properly, and in this case, it was not. That said, I do appreciate that Sam did not try to bring Dean back, as that would indicate literally no growth at all.

Dean’s funeral was...pathetic, to say the least. Sam being the only person there was depressing considering that Dean had lots of other close friends (and you’d think that Jack would pay his respects, but apparently not), however, this is likely a scene that was impacted by COVID and the availability of some of the cast, so I will not dwell on that scene.

Dean’s time in Heaven complicates matters even more. Firstly, Bobby confirms that Castiel is no longer in the Empty and has been in contact with Jack. I would have loved to see this reunion; Cas is essentially Jack’s father, and I would have loved to see how their upgrading/remodeling of Heaven brought them closer together. I understand that the writers were trying to focus this finale story on the brothers, this goes back to my earlier point that you cannot simply ignore everything that that this show has grown to include. Bobby’s explanation also begs the question of why Dean had no intention of seeing Cas (or Jack, for that matter) again now that he has the opportunity.

Secondly, Dean’s instinct to go directly for the Impala was very in-character, however, the editing implied that driving was all Dean did until Sam died. As we know, Sam dies of old age, likely (completely guessing here) upwards of 40-50 years from Dean’s death, and that is a very, very long time for Dean to simply driving around the mountains. It would have been nice to see Dean reunite with other family and friends who are also in Heaven, however, again, COVID restraints.

Sam’s ending was similar to what I and a lot of other fans imagined (not necessarily wanted, but predicted) it to be: kids and a wife, living a normal, monster-free, life. I hate to believe that he doesn’t end up with Eileen (to my recollection, his wife was a blur in the background, and it is unclear if she was meant to be Eileen) however that might just be my bias and appreciation of Shoshannah Stern. While I’m glad that this storyline gave Sam the room to grow and develop without his brother, it also completely ignores everything that he’s been through this past decade and a half, and that is something that should not happen. Sam grew and changed so much since he left Stanford and leaving that life, the life of a hunter, behind feels very counterintuitive.

Let’s not even discuss the wig that Jared wore. It reminded me of the Cain wig that Rob wore in the Hillywood parody.

What shocked me the most at the beginning of this episode was the lack of a “The Road So Far” compilation. I hoped for the full song with a recap of all 15 seasons, or, at minimum, the typical single-season recap. “Carry On My Wayward Son” is such an important part of the show and the culture of the fan base, that it seems almost sacrilegious that the season finale not begin with this song and a memorial to the events in the past season (or series).*** I’m very happy that it was included at all, but I was shocked when Neoni’s cover took over.

No disrespect to Neoni; those girls are incredibly talented and I love their music, however, a series finale of a 15 season long show does not feel like the place for a cover when they already have the rights to the original, and the original is so iconic.

Lastly, I want to acknowledge Jensen Ackles’s reaction to this conclusion. At a con panel about a year ago, he said that he needed to be talked into agreeing to this script by Erik Kripke himself, because the ending just wasn’t sitting right with him. So many fans took this to believe that he was homophobic and afraid that of Destiel becoming fully canon, and he got so much more hate than he deserved, because ultimately, he was right in his first opinion. This isn’t the way this story should have ended. Jensen explained that he had been “too close” to the story, and that it took a more holistic view from a step backwards (the audience’s perspective, as he puts it) to agree on this ending, but honestly, nobody knows Dean Winchester better than Jensen, and he knows what’s best and what would be the best way to finish this character’s arc. I think fans and Jensen alike agree that this wasn’t it.

I sympathize with all of the cast and crew members who disagree with how this show ended but are bounded by contract to support this show no matter what. Especially Misha and Jensen.

Over all, I believe that Supernatural will go down in history (in internet communities, at least) as one of the greatest shows ever. While I do agree that the writing quality in terms of both dialogue and plot declined as years passed, the community, the family, that this show created cannot be ignored because of a poorly written/planned ending. I think that the fandom will collectively let go of this disaster of an ending that we were given and will, just like Sam and Dean, write our own stories. I have full faith and confidence that Supernatural will not be represented by this finale episode, but by the beautiful stories, amazing characters, and the family that this show created and what the fans have chosen to do with it.

Sincerely,

A Fiercely Frustrated but Fiercely Loyal Fan

* I do not count that last clip of Dean crying on the floor as mourning. In my mind, that was a reaction, not an emotional healing and overcoming, if that makes sense. I argue that if Dean were to fully mourn and process everything (like Sam did in 15x20) we would have seen at least a bit of that on screen. 

** This is where I would have loved to see some of the original scripts. I hope that the writers initial intentions were to have Misha more involved in these last two episodes than what was likely a voice memo created in 10 minutes tops at Misha’s house.

*** The strange montage at the end of 15x19 makes so much more sense. I still would have preferred that montage at the beginning of 15x20. This also shines light on the video that Misha posted. What would we do without him :)

Was it ever mentioned on the show as to why Dean didn't take off with Sam when he left for Stanford or join him later ( I m only in S6 now) or was it one of the things the creator/writer fucked up? Normally I like to stay away from spoilers but I m curious about this one considering Sam comes before anyone in Dean's life (atleast that's what I was fed on Tumblr before watching the show). S2 is the only one I liked for S&D so far.. others were good as well ( don't get me wrong) but it only made up for good TV. S4&s5 trust issues, in s3 Dean thinks it's okay to die unless he is the one to suffer ( from experience it's always the people who are left behind are the ones who suffer the most and I hate the feeling) and s1 was just getting to know the characters. On S6 right now and there's a lot of mystery around Sam and I m enjoying it. Speaking of mystery one of the things that kept me going was Sam's character and his journey. The character is so mysterious, secretive, talks very less: truly a rare kind of character may be the credit goes to the actor for portraying that way along with the creator. I would like to see a lot of growth for this one and hoping I will get because there's 10 more for me to watch and bonus that actor is HOT! I feel like I took a tangent from my question. Anyways hope I can finish the show before the finale.

Wow. Glad you get all that out of your chest honey 😆 

Now, to answer your question. If you take off you tumblr glasses (some tumblr gifset & meta are pretty delusional & don’t reflect on what’s canon on the show, at all *not thinking about any shipper in particular 😇*) you can look at Kripke’s story without bias. He always said in interview that season 1 to 5 was told from Sam POV and true, he is the center of the story. I’d say season 1 is more getting to know the brothers dynamic & through the episode we get that Sam & Dean are very different. Sam is angry, rebellious. He doesn’t want the life their dad has set for them. Dean is the good soldier. Following his father’s orders. There’s a lot of speculation around Sam leaving. What we know is that, despite moving around a lot, Sam achieved to get to Sanford, and that he had a very complicated relationship with John, fighting a lot cause he didn’t want to be a hunter, poor Dean acting like a buffer between the two of them. Leading to Sam & John last argument “If you go, stay gone” and Sam leaving for good. I get why Dean stayed with John. He couldn’t leave him hunting alone. + Sam made clear that he wanted a normal life so Dean left him be. Until he couldn’t anymore. And from them, it was clear that all they had was each other (tumblr got that right 😜) #TheShowWeLove 

Let me know what you think fo the later season :) And agree about Sam. I love him with all my heart. I hope he gets the ending he deserves.

Winchester Child 3 of 4 (thanks John)

Warnings: None, spoilers for Supernatural’s earlier seasons Words: 2500 (I swear I don’t feel like it’s that long) Summary: A short where you are another one of John’s bastard children who grows up with the family but never really feels apart of it until much later.  Reader: 2nd-person, female pronouns A/N: I’m trying to do some writing while I have spare time and it’s not going great but the best way to move past it is to force yourself to write more so I tried to write a short on an idea for a reader-insert I’ve had for a while :)

The night air never made you shake as hard as you did that night. Maybe it wasn’t the wind that caused your discomfort, but the yelling as your father, John and half-brother, Sam, fought. Beside you was your other half brother, Dean. You stood between your brothers with Dean closer to your father. You were freshly 18, a year and a bit younger than Sam. 

After the death off his wife, John had turned to a rather unhealthy form of grieving. One night, after finding a baby sitter for his two young children, he encountered a rather pretty woman who took pity on his situation and offered him a night of free beers and other activities which resulted in you. Unfortunately, like many women the Winchesters encountered, your mother didn’t live long after birthing you and informing John of your existence. Now stuck with two babies, John really did try to make you someone else’s problem. He could barely take care of two kids, how was he going to take on another, not to mention a girl? Yet, despite all he tried, you just seemed to stick. Now one could get rid of you no matter how hard they might have tried. So you grew up as the illegitimate Winchester girl. The black sheep of the hunter family.

John never really looked at you the way he did Sam and Dean. Dean never recognised you as his sister. It was hard enough for him to relate to Sam, who’d never met his mother, but even harder for him to relate with you. You were only half his sister and a burden on top of that as for many years of his younger life he was stuck looking after you and Sam. But hey, at least you had Sam. Being very close in age and slightly less traumatised than Dean, you got along very well and would always be on research duty. In many ways, you two were the same. You both caring and thoughtful and neither of you had a good relationship with your father. The difference was Sam had a goal and aspirations. He wanted to be a lawyer and he wasn’t going to let anyone stop him. You, on the other hand, had no idea what you wanted to do and never got the opportunity to explore your passions. 

You’d never forget the sound of John raising his voice like he did that night. Even as you heard it all you already knew what was going to happen. Sam had made up his mind. He was going to Stanford and he wasn’t going to let his dad bully him out of it anymore. Sam had spoken to you about it the night before and offered for you to go with him. You were old enough to enrol in a nearby community college and crash with Sam in whatever little apartment he could get his hands on. You both knew you wouldn’t get into a course at Stanford- you didn’t have the education thanks to the constant travelling- but Sam assured he’d make it work. You turned him down, though. You couldn’t stand up to John as Sam could, and you couldn’t bare to become a burden on Sam when he finally got to get away from it all. 

“If you leave us- if you go to Stanford- don’t you ever come back, you hear me? Don’t you ever come back!” John had yelled. Sam had given you and Dean a sad look like a silent goodbye and left after that. 

With Sam now gone, and John growing more and more absent in your life with each passing day, you were forced to get closer with Dean. It was weird. You’d know Dean your whole life and yet he felt like a stranger to you and it was clearly mutual. Often you were chasing at his heels, scared of getting left behind. The years you spent with Dean while Sam was off at Stanford didn’t include a lot of bonding between the two of you, but you did pick up a lot of his traits that included but were not limited to: being headstrong, stubborn, argumentative, and thinking that yelling louder meant you were winning. This lead to a lot of screaming matches between you and your older brother that never really went anywhere. 

Living in close quarters with Dean and constantly butting heads caused you to gain quite the temper too, to the point that you were once 5 seconds away from getting arrested for assault after finding out Dean had let some poor unsuspecting waitress borrow your clothes after spending the night in the neighbouring motel room to the one you had been staying in. 

2005 rolled around like a blessing you didn’t realise you’d been praying for. Dean had grown anxious enough about your father’s disappearance that he’d resorted to asking Sam for help. He dragged you along for the long drive to Stanford. As per tradition, you sat in the back of the Impala. 

“You know, I’m surprised your pride calmed down enough for to actually admit needing help, Dean. I didn’t think it was possible,” You mocked from the back seat as you toyed with the cord on your walkman. 

“Yeah, well maybe if you were any help we wouldn’t be needing to go harass Sammy,” he retorted. “You don’t even want to help look for dad. All you do is whine and complain until it comes to your turn to get off your ass and then suddenly it’s not an issue.” 

“My stance on dad is very clear.”

“What? ‘Cause he said you were acting like a skank that one time? Geez, (Y/N) he’s done way worse to me and you don’t see me just up and abandoning family like that. It’s not like he was completely wrong anyway-” 

You kicked the back of the headrest on the driver’s seat. “Family- bah,” you scoffed at Dean. “Family is you, dad and Sammy. I don’t come into that equation. Never have, never will, all ‘cuz my genes are a bit different to yours.” You could see Dean roll his eyes in the revision mirror. “Just ‘cause Mary wasn’t my mum doesn’t mean I didn’t lose a mother. You don’t give Sam shit and he knew your mum as long as I knew mine.” 

From the reflection in the mirror, you could see Dean’s mouth go taut. It was something you had argued over many times and there was never any progress, so he instead he turned up on the volume on the stereo. In response, you turned up your walkman and spent the rest of the drive in bitter silence. 

Hours later, the Impala rolled up to a little flat a couple blocks from the university which you assured was where Sam lived now. It was the middle of the night and Dean was already out of the car and looking for a way to break in before you could get a word out. You raced out after him and yanked him back before he could crawl through a window. Dean went to protest, but stopped when you gestured for him to be quiet. That was one of the few things you and Dean could do and that was work well on hunts together. When one of you gave the other a signal, you would listen.

“Why don’t we use the door, Dean? Like normal people.” You hissed under your breath. Dean smirked.

“Normal people? Since when have we ever been like that?” Although he joked, he obliged and you both snuck back over to the front door and Dean knocked. You eyed him and saw he was nervous. It was weird to see him practically sweating with anticipation. You never saw that side of Dean, but before you could tease him, the door opened.

A groggy looking blonde woman stood in the doorway in a robe while rubbing her eyes and hiding a yawn. Clearly she’d only just woken up, and no wonder considering it was past midnight. “Hello?” She said with a frown.

“Hi, Jessica-”

“Jessica?” Dean scrunched his nose and looked down at you, confused.

“I’m (Y/N), Sam’s brother. We spoke on the phone last year around Christmas. This is Dean, other brother.” You smiled as recognition washed over the girl’s face and she nodded. 

“Yeah… yeah I remember. What are you guys doing here? Actually, nevermind… I’ll go get Sam.” She stepped back into the house. “Give me a minute.” She then disappeared into the living room to assumably go get Sam. Once the coast was clear, Dean grabbed your arm and spun you to look at him.

“You know her?” Dean said in a hushed voice.

“Of course I know her, Sam and Jessica have been dating for a while. And before you ask, I ring Sam every Christmas and we talk shit about you for a few hours. It’s no big deal.” Besides complaining about Dean, your annual calls to Sam also involved you catching up on what was going on in his life and getting to unload your own problems to someone who would listen. You never told Sam, because you didn’t want him to feel guilty, but you missed him a lot. 

Sam came into view a minute later, rubbing the sleep from his eyes and a large smile stretching across his face as he saw his siblings standing in the doorway. You were practically beaming and leap and him as soon as he got close and pulled him into a tight hug. You felt the rumbling of his chest as he gave a hearty laugh and hugged you back. Big hugs were something you always did with Sam before he left. You were surprised, though, when there was a pressure against your back as Dean joined and squished you in the middle. It was… a shock to be sure- Dean hadn’t ever given you a proper hug before- but it was a welcome one. 

Dean decided to let Sam get back to sleep and process your arrival and he and you spent the night in the Impala. The next morning you both met Sam bright and early at a local coffee shop to talk and catch Sam up on everything that had happened and why you were there. Sam chuckled when he saw you both.

“What’s so funny?” You mused as you slide across the seat in a booth and Dean sat beside you, giving you a slight shove. 

“Oh, it’s just..” Sam was looking between the two of you fondly. “It’s like I’m seeing double.” He finally admitted. This caused you and Dean to look at each other, where you realised you were practically wearing the same thing. You both had a grey shirt, red button-up and black jacket with jeans and boots. You even had similarly scruffy hair. As if to prove Sam’s point further, a waitress came by with an order of two coffees and two plates of fries and a burger.

“It wasn’t intentional,” you snapped. Sam’s eyebrows raised a little at the sudden burst of attitude.

“You’re like a mini-Dean.” Sam joked.

“Yeah, she wishes,” Dean teased and gave you another shove with his elbow. You grumbled.

“More like he’s an exaggerated me.” You pushed Dean back and then shuffled to sit away from him to avoid further harassment. “If you don’t stop I’m gonna start acting like Dean and then you’ll have two big babies with a bad taste in movies to deal with.” 

You decided to instead focus on eating your food and listen after that while Dean briefed Sam on what was going on. 

Neither you, Dean or Sam, had expected that after that day you’d all be travelling together again. After what happened to Jessica, Sam was back and hunting. It felt almost wrong to see him in the front seat again with Dean. Sam was the one who was meant to get out, yet here he was getting dragged back in again. You wanted to console him, but there was only so much talking he’d do before getting frustrated and wanting to be left alone. You found yourself sitting with Dean outside of whatever motel you were staying at some nights. You’d mainly talk about Sam and how you both worried about him. It seemed that finally the two of you had something in common.

Weeks and weeks of running around the States, hunting monsters and what-not, you were finally blessed with the knowledge that your father was, in fact, alive and had not had the time to get back to Dean. Instead of getting to hear some sort of praise for your efforts, John instead gave Dean instructions and lists of jobs to go finish up. During these jobs, the three of you encountered a demon named Meg. Like a lot of demons oddly enough, Meg liked to talk and revealed she had a connection to what had killed Mary. All the time you found yourself getting angrier with your father’s actions and the way he treated your brothers. It wasn’t until Dean reported what you’d found out about Meg did the Winchester father make the effort to come to meet up with you.

You stood back by the Impala while your brothers paced the street impatiently, waiting for the arrival of their dad. He arrived eventually. Dean was first to hug John, while Sam was a little more reluctant. You picked at your nails, waiting for it all to just be over so you could get back on the road. You were annoyed at your father and weren’t in the mood to be acting like you weren’t. No one seemed to notice you for a while until finally, Dean spoke up.

“And, you know, if it wasn’t for (Y/N) we never would have heard anything off that demon.” At the sound of your name, you perked up and begrudgingly walked over. Neither you nor John made an effort to hug as your brothers had. As you stood awkwardly, Dean looked down at you and saw the tight expression on your face. “Of course… you never notice when she does stuff, huh dad.” 

Nothing came from that comment and you ended up excusing yourself to sit in the car to avoid saying something you’d regret, but as you sat in the Impala with your walkman, you smiled a bit. Dean… stood up for you? Sure, it wasn’t much but it was something. Now that you had the chance to think about it, Dean had been acting differently towards you ever since Sam had come back. It was nice. Maybe things were going to start changing.

Supernatural Rewatch 01x08

Bugs

(Next Episode | Masterlist | Previous Episode)

The infamous bugs episode. Referenced multiple times, in the show, as an example of one of the worst Supernatural episodes in history. I was going to skip it in my rewatch, but then I realized there’s a lot of important conversation surrounding Sam’s relationship with John and I had to include it.

Firstly though, I wanted to say I found it interesting how the brothers treated honesty in this episode, compared with “Skin.” In “Skin” we start the episode with Dean a little judgmental that Sam would lie to his friends. We learn that Sam is comfortable with lying when it helps him hide parts of himself or his past, or when the truth would make people uncomfortable. In “Bugs” we start with the brothers at a bar, and Sam is judging Dean for “earning” money in dishonest ways, like pool hustling and credit card fraud. Later in the episode, when they meet an elderly Native American, he can tell Dean is lying. When Sam doesn’t try to beat around the bush and just asks what they’re looking for, the man says “I like him, he is not a liar.” Finally, when Sam and Dean are trying to get Matt to get his family out of the house, Dean tells him “under no circumstances are you to tell the truth, they'll just think you're nuts. Tell him you have a sharp pain in your right side and you've gotta go to the hospital, okay?”

At first glance, this seems like an inconsistency. “Skin” told us that Dean looks down on lying, but “Bugs” has him advocating for it all the time, while Sam is the “honest” one. And maybe it is an inconsistency, but I think it’s something else. Dean looks down on lying to your friends, Dean looks down on lying as the basis of a relationship. Credit Card fraud? Lying to your dad to get him out of the house? That’s no big deal, but calling someone your friend when you’ve lied to them (or told half-truths) about yourself, your family, your upbringing? That’s something he’s not comfortable with.

Sam, on the other hand, has gone to a lot of effort to not tell anyone his life’s story, he doesn’t consider it lying but he never told any of his friends the whole truth about his life. However, he doesn’t feel comfortable making a “dishonest” living, which probably has more to do with his desire to be normal. He wants to be good, he wants others to see him as good.

Now, on to Sam and John. Very obviously paralleled in Matt and his dad Larry. Matt is quickly established as a weird kid, an embarrassment. Sam doesn’t mind him, and is unphased by the tarantula, but the dad pulls him away to scold him anyway, then we have our parallel fully addressed:

Sam: (about Larry reprimanding Matt) Remind you of somebody? Dad?

Dean: Dad never treated us like that

Sam: Well, Dad never treated you like that. You were perfect. He was all over my case. You don’t remember?

Dean: Well, maybe he had to raise his voice sometimes, you were out of line

Sam: Right, right, like when I said I’d rather play soccer than learn to bowhunting.

Dean: Bowhunting’s an important skill!

There are a couple of important things established in this conversation. Sam and Dean have very different perceptions of John at this point in their lives. We learn in later episodes that John did in fact treat Dean “like that,” and I think Dean has probably repressed some of those memories, because it’s easier to believe that your dad is good and acting out of your benefit than to remember that your dad let you get arrested and sent to a home for troubled boys, or to admit that expecting an 8 year old to protect a 4 year old was putting too much weight on your shoulders. But Sam also feels like Dean was treated like he was perfect. Sam never saw what Dean went through growing up, feeling like all of their Dad’s disappointment fell on him. And, similarly, Dean doesn’t recognize the ways John hurt Sam.

 Matt: Mostly he’s too disappointed in his freak son

Sam: I hear you

Dean: You do?

(2nd Episode where the word freak is related to Sam.)

 Sam: I respected [Dad] but no matter what I did, it was never good enough

Dean: So, what are you saying, that dad was disappointed in you?

Sam: Was? Is! Always has been.

Dean: Why would you think that?

Sam: Because I didn’t want to bow hunt, or hustle pool. Because I wanted to go to school and live my life, which In our whacked out family made me the freak.

Dean: Yeah, you were kinda like the blonde chick in The Munsters (Dean trying to subvert the tension with humor)

Sam: Dean, you know what most dads are when their kids score a full ride? Proud. Most dads don’t toss their kids out of the house.

Dean: I remember that fight. In fact, I seem to recall a few choice phrases comin’ out of your mouth

Sam: You know, truth is, when we finally do find Dad … I don’t know if he’s even gonna want to see me

Dean: Sam, Dad was never disappointed in you, never. He was scared.

Sam: what are you talking about?

Dean: He was afraid of what could’ve happened to you when he wasn’t around. But even when you two weren’t talking, he used to swing by Stanford whenever he could, keep an eye on you, make sure you were safe.

Sam: What?

Dean: Yeah

Sam: Why didn’t he tell me any of that?

Dean: Well it’s a two-way street dude, you could’ve picked up the phone.

Another important revelation: We learned in a previous episode that while Sam was in college, John was bragging about him to people, he was so proud of his Stanford boy. Now we see that John didn’t just forget about his son when he left, he would drive out to Stanford to check on him. (Now, I vaguely remember that John may have had suspicions about Sam’s psychic abilities or something but forgive me if I get some of this wrong, it’s been a long time since I’ve watched these early seasons). But we learn that a) Dean seems to have a better understand of the way John works than Sam does, he understands John’s motivations behind his hurtful actions. We see later that Dean is prone to the same kind of thing, saying hurtful things to the ones he loves because he’s scared and hurt, not because he actually wants to hurt them. b) We learn that, at least according to Dean, John was never disappointed in Sam. We learn in a later episode that Dean feels like Sam was always John’s favorite, and we see grounds for it here. Even though Sam felt like a failure, because John never understood how to communicate with him, Dean, who’s mind is more on the same wavelength as John, can see that John loves Sam, in his own way. (as messed up as that way may have been)

 Sam: I wanna find Dad … I wanna apologize to him … all the things I said to him, he was just doing the best he could.

Dean: Well, don’t worry, we’ll find him, and you’ll apologize and then within 5 minutes you guys will be at each other’s throats

Sam: [laughs] yeah probably.

My Ocs

Let’s try this again Shall we!?

Kinsey Noelle

FC:   Melissa Benoist

Age: 24

Fandom:  Supernatural AU

 Pairings: N/A

Story:  Untiled

Link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13271863/1/An-Untitled-Supernatural-Story

A/n:  I haven’t written her in a while as I have no muse or inspiration for her at the moment.

Character Info:  Kinsey is the Nephilim   child of Mary Winchester and an unknown angel as well as the half-sister of Dean and Sam Winchester.   Due to her mother dying when she was born   she was adopted when she was a baby.   Her adopted Family named her Kinsey Noelle though her birth name was Noelle Rose Winchester.   Her adopted family kicked her out when she was 12 because they blamed her for not being able to protect her younger sister who got killed by a monster which Sam and Dean saved her from.  She then was raised by many hunters as she went into the life for revenge. When she is 24  her powers come into full power but  she has no idea what or who she is until Cass (spelling this was cause that’s how it is in the subtitles and Kripke said it’s that way so people wouldn’t think it was pronounce CAZZ)  tell her what she is. She then   moves into the Bunker and joins Sam and Dean in Hunting.

Madalyn Jaymes Winchester

a/n:  Madalyn will appear in stories at different ages as I was inspired for both so her info will show the same FC at different ages with different Bios!  There is no story for her right now but I’m working on some drabbles to see how people like her before writing more.  I’ll post my drabbles as soon as I can get to a computer as I have a hard time typing long things on mobile.

Younger

FC: Young Elle Fanning

Age: 5-8

Nicknames: Maddie or Mads

Fandom: Supernatural AU

Character info:   Madalyn is the half-sister of Sam and Dean.   Due to her reminding him so much of Mary, John took her in when her biological mother died.   She knows nothing of the Hunting life and thinks her Dad and brothers are just traveling mechanics or salesmen.    When Sam left for Stanford he wanted to take Maddie with him to give her a chance at a normal life and so she could go to good schools, however John refused.   Maddie and  Dean  secretly visit Sammy every  now and then and  Maddie often runs away  to Sam’s as she wants to stay with him when   her dad and  Dean are on a hunt instead of a hotel by herself or  with some random person John  knows.

Older

FC:  Present day Elle Fanning

Age: 17ish

Fandom: Supernatural AU

Story: TBA

Link: TBA

Pairing:  her and Jack  as best friends

Nicknames: same as younger

Character info:  Maddie now knows all about the hunting life and what her family does , but she doesn’t want to have any part of it, which Sam and Dean fully support.  She has been doing online school since she was 5 due to  moving around all the time, however when  they finally settled down in the Bunker as their home she finally convinced  Sam and Dean to let her go to public school. She was very close to Charlie when she was alive, considering her the older sister she always wanted. She is currently dating the most popular guy in school and is best friends with Jack though Dean is convinced that they have crushes on each other.

 Sarah Michele Puckerman

Fc: Bailee Madison

Age: 15-19

Fandom: Glee

Story title:  “A Thousands Cuts”

Link: TBA

Pairings: best friend/brother-sister relationship Blaine Anderson 

Friend: Kurt Hummel

Best friend in Wellwood: Kinsey  Rose (fc was Melissa Benoist in Glee)

Romantic relationship: Sebastian Smythe 

 Info: Sarah is honestly based on   a character I used to RP in @wellwoodrp with the URL of @saribearpuckerman (Still on as an archive if you want to read some of her interactions). This rp was an AU glee twin Rp that was a twist on the master/slave theme where characters like Sarah, Blaine, and Sebastian were residents and characters like Kurt, Kinsey and Joe were Residents.  I just loved her and couldn’t part with her even though I left the rp for personal reasons, especially the relationship she had with Blaine known as Blarah with @justbreatheblaine​.   At the time of the RP she was 15 but sticking to the time line she’d be about 19 right now. I’ll also post info from her bio from the rp as well.

 Character info: Sarah is from the small town of Wellwood.   She is the younger sister of Jake and Noah Puckerman and due to the fact that she doesn’t like the idea of servants she has a very strained relationship with her mother.    Sarah had to transfer to Crawford her sophomore year of high school due to bullying.    At Crawford she was in the glee club, even becoming the captain her senior year. She is dating Sebastian Smythe (who was bi in the rp) and is like a little sister to Blaine Anderson. His family is basically her 2nd family and she considers   Mrs. Anderson her 2nd   mom and refers to her as “Mama A” as she lived with them when her mother kicked her out. Blaine  was Sarah’s first crush (Before she knew he  preferred  princes to princesses as she put it) and   he was the first boy Sarah ever kissed ( Blaine has having a panic attack and Sarah didn’t know what to do so she kissed him like she saw in movies  hoping it’d calm him down).    People at Crawford and Dalton   assumed   that her and Blaine where biological siblings and often referred to her as Blaine's sister during introductions. The teachers would even address her as Miss Anderson. After a while Sarah just quit correcting them.    When she left Wellwood to go to College with the approval of Blaine and Mrs. Anderson after Blaine called her Miss Anderson when he wss getting on to her,she started using Anderson as her last name.

RP BIO for Reference

Sarah Puckerman was born Jan 1 and is 15 though she often acts mature for her age, though sometimes she acts like she is five years old.   Sarah is also a very sensitive person who hates disappointing people though she can sass you at any given moment she’s actually pretty shy until she gets to know you.  She is what’s known as a “girlie” tomboy.  She likes to dress up in girly clothes, but given the choice she would be out playing sports with her brothers or any of the other boys in the neighborhood or riding horses despite the fact that her mother would try to enter her into beauty pageants and threatened to put her in finishing school if she didn’t stop which has caused Sarah and her mother to have a very strained relationship.  Luckily for Sarah though neither one of her parents are around that much  and   a lot of times her Grandma Evie  is taking care of them who herself was a servant that married a resident and understands Sarah’s beliefs on  servants.

Sarah is very close with her brothers as their father abandoned them when they were younger, and their mother was too busy going to as many social events as possible. It was left up to Noah and Jake to look out for her, and in a way raise her, though she feels closer to Jake than she does Noah.  Since Noah often took the place of a father figure to Jake and Sarah, she often sees Noah more like a father.  In fact when she was little she often called him “Daddy puck”.   Jake however is her   Jakey bear and she is his Sari bear… names that are only known to the two of them.  If Sarah slips and says it in public, Jake acts like he honestly hates that name.

Sarah is also one of the nicest Residents or so she’s told.   She refuses to let servants call her miss, preferring Sari as it is a nickname and distances her from her family or Sarah. She does not give her Servants too many things to do, or anything too hard and often chooses to go against her family’s wishes and do her chores herself, occasionally asking her servants to help her with homework, or to come to her room to talk to her about things she’s not comfortable talking to her brothers or parents about.  Sarah also has a habit of making her friends   such as Blaine, Kurt and Kinsey honorary siblings. The Puckermans are also considered one of the poorer resident families.

☆ KEY TRAITS:   Tomboy acts girlie for her mother’s benefit, shy, sassy, sweet, adorable, outspoken, independent, sensitive, and brave.

☆ FEARS:   Storms, disappointing people,   that people will hurt her or leave her like her father if she lets them in.

☆ FACE CLAIM: Bailee Madison

 ☆ FAVORITES 

 »COLOR:  green

 »SEASON: Autumn and Winter

 » FLOWERS:  White Roses, Peppermint and Marble Poinsettias.

 » GUILTY PLEASURE:  Sweets!

6.01, Exile on Main Street.

Typically when I write these posts, I try to make a joking comment, or choose a pithy reference to put in this first line, but... god i hate this too much to make jokes about it...

DEAN is attacked by Djinn. Djinn: You made it through that last trip, so how about a big, fat double dose? Bad news -- it'll kill you. The good news? At least you'll go fast. That's for our father, you son of a bitch.

and of course, it's about dredging up daddy issues. These are apparently children of the djinn Dean killed in 2.20...

You might also remember I mentioned Sam's awful promise he extracted from Dean in 5.22, telling him to get out of hunting, go to Lisa and beg her to take him in? Remember that Dean actually did that, despite it metaphorically being a final act of cutting a part of himself off in order to live this terrible half-life, going through the motions of being just another normal suburban dude living a normal suburban life (which he's professed to hate the entire idea of going all the way back to s1?) and abandoning the last link to anyone who actually knows the "real" him when he cut ties with Bobby even, all because that was Sam's literal dying wish for him? Yeah... I've written a LOT about how much I absolutely HATED this entire narrative line.

This was what SAM had always wanted for HIMSELF. He wanted to just... leave the life and "be normal." Dean has NEVER wanted this. Well, maybe he had expressed that to Sam on occasion, in a "hmm, wonder what that's like" sort of way, but at the end of the day he was ALWAYS relieved to be able to climb back in his car and take off for the next hunt. And yet, Sam is SO FUCKING SURE that Dean had always secretly wanted the same sort of suburban normal life that he himself had always fled to every single time he had the chance. Except, Dean is a different person than Sam is, and he can't as easily just cut this whole element of his life out and pretend it never existed. Sam was HAPPY for the most part at Stanford. He never told any of his friends, or even the girl he thought he'd marry and spend his entire life with, about how he was raised and what his family does. At least Lisa and Ben are aware of what Dean's life before he met them entailed so he doesn't have to lie about his past to them, but it's still clear he isn't exactly open and forthcoming about the details. And he spends an inordinate amount of energy still trying to keep the whole truth of it locked up.

From the moment Sam shows up at Dean's house, it's clear that even after a year of "normalcy" that Dean is barely holding on. But this also all speaks to the Performing Dean mask that Dean had possibly sold to Sam just a little bit too successfully for his entire life. (but more on that in the report from 6.02, since that's the main takeaway from that episode...)

What I personally find fascinating with early s6 in relation to where we currently are post 14.20 is this whole feeling of a season-long runaround that-- much like the "we have to kill Lilith!" plot of s4 had proved to be a blatant manipulation. The entire Campbell Family plotline eventually becomes... wtf-laden. Between the "secretly working for Crowley" plotline, compounded with the "monsters acting out of character" plotline, compounded with the eventual reveal of Cas's involvement in the entire narrative mess because of his desperation to keep Dean out of the Apocalypse Redux mess brewing in Heaven... well, this season feels like it just randomly chooses moments to burn vast quantities of its own structure when it no longer fits the story going forward. I feel like a LOT of Dabb Era has been a direct indictment of this s6-7 narrative collapse, using the whole BMoL as the cartoonishly Evol Fall Guys we were happy to watch burn (literally! their headquarters got firebombed!), using first Lucifer and then Nick as the pointlessly recurring distraction of a Bad Guy, with supporting parts in that narrative going to Asmodeus and AU Michael (and the whole AU, honestly, serving as a glaring proof of the futility of the apocalypse from the POV of the angels who believed since day one of creation that it was the "ending" God wanted and intended them to achieve that would bring him back to them, that would please him enough to return to acknowledge their success and reward them for achieving it. Except it was all just lies, and there was no reward, there was no paradise, only more of what they did to themselves, literally the never-ending war they brought about thinking it was all part of God's plan for creation. It was all ironically the exact future they chose for themselves. They had another choice-- to serve as the guardians of the world and humanity, preserving it as a paradise for mortality they could observe and learn and understand about the point of creation, but they chose not to learn from creation itself and instead chose to destroy it. You reap what you sow...

And what s6 sows just... hurts everyone.

Dean: you been back practically this whole time?! What, did you lose the ability to send a friggin' text message?! Sam: You finally had what you wanted, Dean. Dean: I wanted my brother, alive! Sam: You wanted a family. You have for a long time, maybe the whole time. I know you. You only gave it up because of the way we lived. But you had something, and you were building something. Had I shown up, Dean, you would have just run off. I'm sorry. But it felt like after everything, you deserve some regular life.

See... Sam has convinced himself that this Apple Pie Life he himself has always wanted was also what Dean has always wanted... and it just... really, really isn't. See 14.13 for proof of that fact. I mean, you can even look backward to episodes such as 1.08 Bugs, to 5.16 Dark Side of the Moon, 2.20 What Is And What Should Never Be, 3.10 Dream A Little Dream Of Me, 8.01 We Need To Talk About Kevin, 8.09 and 8.10, and honestly a huge chunk of s9 and how their codependency has been treated in Carver Era for hints into understanding these fundamental differences between Sam and Dean, Dean's parentification of Sam from the time he was four, and the vastly different childhood experience, and the construction of Dean's performance mask that Dabb has been systematically burning down over the last few seasons. Just look to 13.05 for the treatise on just how powerfully Sam believes in that mask, and how badly he himself needs Dean to maintain it for his own wellbeing and comfort, even to the point where Dean is literally suicidally depressed and hopeless. Because Sam was fundamentally wrong about what Dean actually wanted and needed. Even Cas, set up from the start to be the effective Big Bad of this season, literally only turned down that path to spare Dean, to protect him from becoming involved in this, mistakenly believing that he'd be intruding on Dean's happiness, from the peace at the end of his road.

Luckily I know what's in store down the line, because it's the ONLY thing preventing me from outright hating Sam for this. Soulless Sam was just as manipulative and ruthless as Cas in this season:

Bobby: And I'd do it again. Dean: Why?! Bobby: Because you got out, Dean! You walked away from the life. And I was so damn grateful, you got no idea. Dean: Do you have any clue what walking away meant for me? Bobby: Yeah -- a woman and a kid and not getting your guts ripped out at age 30. That's what it meant. Dean: That woman and that kid -- I went to them because you asked me to. Bobby: Good. Dean: Good for who? I showed up on their doorstep half out of my head with grief. God knows why they even let me in. I drank too much. I had nightmares. I looked everywhere. I collected hundreds of books, trying to find anything to bust you out. Sam: You promised you'd leave it alone. Dean: Of course I didn't leave it alone! Sue me! A damn year? You couldn't put me out of my misery? Bobby: Look, I get it wasn't easy. But that's life! And it's as close to happiness as I've ever seen a hunter get. It ain't like I wanted to lie to you, son. But you were out, Dean. Dean: Do I look out to you?

And from the end of the episode where we're given even MORE insight into just how "wrong" Sam is:

Sam: Look, I practically shoved you at them. Dean: That's a funny way to put it, but all right. Sam: I'm just saying, I really wanted that for you. And when I told you to go, I-I thought... You could have it, you know? But now I'm not so sure. I mean, you got to consider the fact that you'll be putting them in danger if you go back. Dean: So, what, it's better to leave them alone, unprotected, and then they're not in danger? I did this to them. I made them vulnerable the moment I knocked on their door, and I can't undo that. But what I can do is go with the best option. Sam: I hear you. I guess I just, wish you were coming, that's all. Dean: Why? Sam: Don't be stupid. Dean: No, I mean it. I mean, you know plenty of good hunters. I'm rusty. I did something seriously stupid going out there. I almost got us both killed. Sam: And that's exactly why I want you. Dean: What are you talking about? Sam: You just went. You didn't hesitate. Because you care, and that's who you are. Me? I wouldn't even think to try. Dean: Yes, you would. Sam: No, Dean. I'm telling you, it's just better with you around. That's all.

From my chatbubbles @ lizbob:

without his soul, Sam was freaking ruthless he said or did whatever it took to manipulate everyone, and of course Bobby would want to believe that Dean was truly happy... essentially living out the life Bobby himself lost when he killed his demon-possessed wife... I mean if Bobby could have a do-over, we know exactly what he'd do differently now... it wouldn't have taken much for Sam to convince Bobby that Dean was legit happy with Lisa and Ben, despite the evidence of our eyes that he was basically going through the motions, zombie-style

But was Dean REALLY happy with Lisa and Ben? REALLY?!

Hello, I hope your day has gone well. Do you know any fics where one of the boys is under a spell of some type? like truth spell, obedience spell, love potion and the like? not fuck or die... I know you only do Sam centered fic but if anybody can give cursed! Dean it would be great too! (so long as he tops)

Please heed the warnings on the individual fics, because some of these are dub-con/non-con due to curses that affect one or both boys and not all end happily! Also, not all of these are “nice” spells, but most lead to confessions of feelings and sex. 

give in by derangerearrangeon Ao3. Sam/Dean. Wincest. Somewhere between Ohio and Michigan, Sam gets hit with a curse. Neither of them is sure what happened—all they know is that Sam shouldn’t talk in public until they get things sorted out.

Don’t Expect Any Miracles by ADeedWithoutaName on Ao3. Sam/Dean. Wincest. While hunting alone, Sam is hit with a curse. Dean knows that he should be completely focused on breaking it, but he can’t help but notice what it’s doing to his younger brother’s body. And how that makes him feel. Set in S1. (no penetrative sex)

Little Creature You Unspun by Exaggerated_Specificity on Ao3. Sam/Dean. Weecest. John inadvertently brings home a cursed book that has eight year old Sam acting out Dean’s wildest fantasies. Marked as non-con due to magically induced reasons for the sex happening. Don’t read if this isn’t your thing.(warning: extreme underage)

The Curse by awabubbles on Ao3. Sam/Dean. Wincest. Sam and Dean discover a strange monster with the head of a human and the body of a fish. But by the time they figure out what it is, it might be too late for Sam.

Let it Ride by dimeliora on Ao3. Sam/Dean. Wincest. While transporting relics from John’s old storage to the Men of Letters bunker the Winchesters lose an item with disastrous results.

Truth Doesn’t Always Hurt by wilddragonflying on Ao3. Sam/Dean. Wincest. Dean gets hit with a truth spell, and the brothers Winchester decide the best way to fix it is to kill the Trickster who cast it.Yeah. Not their greatest idea.Now, they just have to get the curse broken before certain truths come to light.(no penetrative sex, however Sam wants to top Dean at a later date)

The Whole Truth And Nothing But by dont_hate_me01 on Ao3. Sam/Dean. Wincest. After being hit with a truth spell Sam’s forced to reveal some shattering things about himself, including that he was raped and that he loves Dean like no brother should love his sibling, he runs away. Dean manages to find him almost a year later and now his younger brother is addicted to heroin and is into self-harm. Sam can’t believe that Dean feels the same about him and feels like Dean only pities him. Dean has to use a spell on Sam before Sam realizes Dean feels the same and with time and love Dean convinces Sam that they share a special bond.

The Statement of the Great Mint by dimeliora on Ao3. Sam/Dean/Dean. Wincest. Dean’s all outta gum.

Halloween by dimeliora on Ao3. Sam/Dean. Wincest. Dean and Sam are working a case when Sam begins to act strangely. A Halloween Holiday Fic (warning for bottom!Sam purists, the third paragraph has Sam topping Dean. Just skip the one that begins, “They don’t kiss” and it’s like it never happened)

By Your Command by Wincesteriffic Kaz on Ao3. Sam/Dean. Wincest. The boys go looking for a cursed amulet with the power of hypnotism and things go slightly awry, allowing them to make a long overdue discovery about each other. Set in season 1.

Fumbling in the Dark by Wincesteriffic Kaz on Ao3. Sam/Dean. Wincest. A spell steals something precious from Sam and leads to a revelation between the brothers. Set early season 2 Dean/Sam

Lost Without You by Wincesteriffic Kaz on Ao3. Sam/Dean. Wincest.Sam hits a new low and makes a confession. Post 8x06 “Southern Comfort” a little angst and a lot of cheerful naughty. (this is the results of Dean handling the cursed penny)

A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes by lordofthegays on Ao3. Sam/Dean. Wincest. After a run in with a witch, she is touched by Dean’s relationship with Sam. She lets him go, but without warning him that she put a curse on him to tell the truth. Some things, though, may be better left unsaid…(no penetrative sex)

On the Way Down by BewareTheIdes15 on Ao3. Sam/Dean. Wincest. The Winchesters have been subjected to a lot of things in the name of hunting, but the result of a spell-gone-wrong on their latest case is still pretty high on Dean’s weird scale. While their father is out searching for a way to undo the magic, Dean’s stuck in a cabin in the middle of nowhere, trying to deal with his bitchy teenage brother and his own increasingly un-brotherly feelings toward him. Who’d have thought Sammy growing a pair of giant bird wings would be the least of his problems?

Where Do We Begin by dimeliora on Ao3. Sam/Dean. Wincest. AU post season one. He wakes in a hospital, missing a limb and all of his memories. They tell him he is Dean Hunt. That his sister died in the accident that claimed his leg. From there he rebuilds with the help of his quirky lesbian neighbors and a homeless drifter named Sam. (warning: there is switching, although there is slightly more bottom!sam)

I Fear No Fate by intrepidheart on Ao3. Sam/Dean. Wincest.   In a small town like Guthrie, Montana, Sam Campbell was prepared to live out the remainder of his ordinary existence as the psychologist for the local psychiatric ward. What he wasn’t prepared for was the newest in-patient completely turning his life upside down. Armed with aggressive tendencies, an inhuman amount of snark and the firm belief that he and Sam know each other, the mysterious Dean proves to be a challenge Sam was never expecting to face. Especially since Sam has no recollection of ever meeting Dean before. (no penetrative sex)

Chosen by hunters_retreat on Ao3. Sam/Dean. WIncest. Sam and Dean go undercover to investigate a series of unusual deaths but find far more than they bargained for in the process.

Devil You Know by HazelDomain on Ao3. Sam/Dean. Wincest. Dean had never been what Sam would call “subtle.” But this was something else.

Small and Beautiful by SamuelBartholdy on Ao3. Sam/Dean. Wincest. Dean is attracted to minors. Dean is also attracted to Sam. Then Sam gets de-aged on a hunt, and Dean doesn’t have nearly as much self restraint as he thought he had.

leeches by lefj on Ao3. Sam/Dean. Wincest. Sam discovers a spell to make everybody forget him. He’s convinced it’s for the best. Pre-Stanford.

Head Case by morrezela on Ao3. Sam/Dean. Wincest. Sam’s husband thinks that he is Sam’s brother.

While These Visions Did Appear by hunters_retreat on Ao3. Sam/Dean. Wincest. John Winchester never does anything in small measure, and he takes the safety of his boys very seriously. A spell is only as good as the man providing it though and when something goes wrong there is no one left to pick up the pieces. No one remembers. Certainly not two young men who wake with no memory of each other or how they ended up in a motel together. The only thing they do know is how to hunt. It’s not as simple as that though, as the two men form unbreakable bonds and take the road to a life they never would have considered and a destiny they never wanted.

A Priori by memphis86 on LiveJournal. Sam/Dean. Wincest. He wakes up half-blind, not able to remember anything. Then Dean Winchester shows up to complicate things. (warning: there is one instance of switching towards the end)

Ashes of Another Life by lostt1 on LiveJournal. Sam/Dean. Wincest. When Sam left for Stanford, he was embarking on a grand adventure in the world of normal. Though hurt by Sam’s choice to leave, Dean kept his distance, keeping an eye on his brother from afar. When their paths finally cross again, Sam has changed far more than Dean could have ever expected. It’s up to Dean to figure out what happened during their years apart. Who is Sam if not a Winchester? Who has Sam become? And is there anything Dean can do to get him back?

Breathe by crimsonepitaph on Ao3. Sam/Dean. Wincest.  Sam and Dean have run into it enough to know that truth hurts. (the sex is ambiguous)

Amnesia by ashley_ingenious on Ao3. Sam/Dean. Wincest. On their way back from a particularly brutal hunt, Dean realizes that Sam has caught amnesia somewhere along the way. He doesn’t remember who they are to each other, or what they do. So when he starts treating Dean like a really hot guy that’s being incredibly sweet, Dean has two choices: He can try to tell his little brother the truth, or……

Tender Threads Exquisitely Finding by Xela on Ao3. Sam/Dean. Wincest. There’s distance between Dean and his brother when he gets back from hell. But time heals all wounds, right? Right. Until Sam goes missing, and Dean’s run out of time.

And the Truth Shall Set You Free by Nutkin on Ao3. Sam/Dean. Wincest. Sam gets hit with a truth spell, and Dean decides to do some digging. (no penetrative sex)

The Not-So-Bitter Sam Girl

Let me first establish that I love Sam Winchester with everything in me. I eat, sleep, drink,and dream Sam Winchester. Often times, like many Sam girls, I feel like he is treated unfairly, and that makes me bitter, but I read a lot of the meta from other Sam girls, but I don’t agree with a lot of what you all are bitter about. Let me also say, that I love Dean too. The brother’s relationship is the only reason I am addicted to this show. I couldn't care less about the monsters and most side characters to be honest, but I definitely favor Sam. I have only been watching the show, via Netflix, for just under a year, but I am a CHRONIC re-watcher. There isn’t an episode or season I havent watched at least 15 times, and some more than 40 times (yes its a sickness) the only episodes I dont watch much are Bitten and Bloodlines.  I will try to explain my view on some of the most common things I see bitter Sam girls write about, and hopefully give a new perspective. WARNING: This is indeed long, you may scroll through and read topics of interest, and feel free to send me an ask or a message about anything you would like to debate or discuss further :)

Dean gets more air time! From my point of view, I will agree this is the case, but not throughout the whole series. A prime example is the S4 episode In The Beginning, when Sam is only in the first 45 seconds of the episode. I dont consider this the show favoring Dean, but the knowledge that it was in a time when no one was sure if Jared could continue do to his mental health. He had a breakdown during the filming of Mystery Spot, and things were rocky for a while. I don’t know what was going on during the time of In The Beginning, but it’s quite possible that Jared needed time off. Granted there are no episodes were Dean is only in 45 seconds of, but they probably don’t like do episodes that the boys dont share time, after all, the show is about them both.  The Panic Room! Yes, definitely the panic room! It might be the first time I felt my bitter Sam girl come out. How DARE they lock him in a room to detox alone??? It tore my heart out! But on one hand, it was an extremely Sam heavy episode. We got to see inside his head through his hallucinations, which up till then, we’d only see glimpses. It was hard for me to piece together what exactly was going on with Sam in S4 until this episode. It was confusing. On one hand he had been his normal, cute, nerdy, sensitive self, but hiding his baddass, sexy, dark side. Up till then i thought he just didn’t want Dean to be angry with him for what he was doing, but then I realized, he was genuinely addicted to the demon blood, and didn’t want Dean to know because he’d want him (make him) stop, and he also feared Dean would hate him like a monster. He felt like he disappointed everyone he loved, even himself, and coming off felt like torture. (hence the Alistair hallucination) So story wise, we needed for him to be alone this time so WE the viewers would see what all he felt, which he may not have, if Dean sat with him to comfort him. And having dealt with addicted people personally, I know that sometimes, an addict will use their addiction for the sole purpose of having someone sit and suffer with them, which sometimes makes the addiction worse. However, the second time Sam was left to suffer alone in the panic room was 100% uncalled for (S5 My Bloody Valentine) If the writers wanted to show how bad Sam’s problem was affecting Dean, which Im sure it was... he could have prayed that prayer while holding Sam through the detox, and it would have been 1000 times more powerful. So this one, I am bitter as well.  Soulless Sam wasn’t that bad!! No, he wasn’t. I actually really enjoyed him! He was definitely hornier than our normal Sam, less inhibited,  snarkier, funnier, but still, not quite Sam. Why would Dean be so freaked out? Well, we’ll overlook Sam allowing him to be turned by the vamps, because Dean felt creeped out before then. So consider the fact that dozens of years, Sam and Dean were glued to each others hips for the most part. Especially when John left them alone as children, and since Sam was back from Stanford, and now, he was back from Hell, no one knew how, and not his normal self at all. Dean, being Sam’s soulmate, knew something was wrong, and at first was scared that maybe it was still Lucifer in Sam’s vessel. That to me, sounds like it could be scary. Think just for a moment, if the person you love the most, that you thought was dead, is suddenly back but not anything like they used to be. This would be terrible, especially if you thought there was a good chance they were actually Satan wearing their body.  Once Dean knew it was actually Sam, but without a soul, he could have lightened up a bit. Yes, I think so too, BUT Sam was still not anything like what Dean loved about his brother. Sam didnt love him back, didnt even care about him, he was Sam otherwise, but i dont blame Dean for wanting to get Sam’s soul back, especially with the knowledge that he could be fine, so long as he doesn’t regain the memories. And even if he did, there’s a good chance he could fix him.  Dean did act irrationally, wont argue, but we know they are both irrationally co dependent on each other, and if the tables were turned, Sam would have done something equally irrational to get Dean back. (As we see in About a Boy when Sam wasnt in favor of Dean being 14 so that the Mark was gone. He’d be willing to take Dean back, Mark included, so long as Dean was the Dean he knew and loved today) The narrative is heavily in Dean’s Favor! No, I dont think so. Occasionally yes, but for the most part no. When bitter Sam girls see Dean scolding or berating Sam for being wrong about something, most of the time Sam isn’t wrong about the thing. We see it, and most people see it, so the narrative makes Dean look like a douche. Yes, there are Dean girls that throw Sam hate all the time, but they’re not the majority. They’re just loud on Tumblr. Honestly, in real life, Dean girls, just like Dean’s looks, or personality better than Sam’s and thats simply taste. Tall, long haired, sweet, intelligent, badass, nerds arent everyone’s favorite flavor (dont know how that’s possible but....) thats fine, but ive yet to come across a real life Sam hater.  Theres some on tumblr and occasionally some might give Jared grief at a conference, but again, thats not the majority. And I see bitter Sam girls also throw the same hate Dean’s way too. But anyway, getting off point. Dean has always been “its not what you do but who you are” and Sam has always been “its not who you are but what you do” from early on. And we all know Sam’s view is better. Sam is always willing to talk, and give people/monsters a chance to choose good. Dean has only recently agreed to go that route too, but will still think “monster” first and then bend Sam’s direction. killing Sam’s friend Amy in S7 just because she was a monster, was a huge douche move on Dean’s part and everyone thought so Im sure. It was also the last time Dean killed someone for just that reason. Sam’s view of situations like that have always been to give the monster the benefit of the doubt if they wanted to be good, from the beginning, so that narrative has always been in Sam’s favor.  Dean was mad that Sam’s happy memories didn’t include him!! Not true. Dean may have been disappointed that Sam’s happy Thanksgiving memory was at someone elses house, but after that, Sam’s best memories were Deans worst. That’s what upset him. Not that Dean wasnt in them, but they were terrible times for him. When Sam was alone in Flagstaff with his dog, Dean was home worried sick that Sam was dead because he ran off while he was watching him. “And when Dad got home....” Dean probably got his ass beat. When Sam went off to Stanford, Dean says it was one of the worst nights of his life. Zachariah was manipulating their memories so it could appear they were happier without each other. Sam didnt get to see the part when he and Dean shot off the fireworks, only the part of Dean’s life when he was happy with Mom. I am sure that if they got to explore more of their heaven, they would have found plenty of memories that were just those two.  The writers feminize Sam and make him the Damsel in Distress!! Lord, I have seen HUGE meta on this and I disagree with so much. The male/female formula when there are two protagonists is a common formula to use. This is true, but it is not the only formula to use and its not always Sam that is feminized. Other formulas are the classic comedic/tragic, the big one/the small one, the smart one/the dumb one, light/dark, good cop/ bad cop and so on. The brother have fallen into all these formulas at different times. Sam has a few feminine qualities, it’s true, he cries sometimes and he’s generally nicer than Dean, he has long hair, compassionate and empathetic, he isnt as “butch” as Dean and is conscious of his diet. Dean also has feminine qualities, he cooks, cleans, and irons their clothes. He is very much a nurturer, not only to Sam but to Kevin, Garth and Charlie as well. Dean is much more physical than Sam is. Dean is usually the one initiating the bro hugs, and its not likely that the “Dean is bisexual” thing, would be a thing, if he initiated as many manhugs as Sam has. He cries more than Sam does, he admitted to have enjoyed wearing women’s underwear, loves chick flicks, and said “All women lie about their age” and Sam said “Wait, you told our waitress you’re 29″ and Dean said “Yes”. Often times Sam and Dean are paralleled with married couples, but not always, sometimes its siblings, sometimes best friends, sometimes Rocky and Bullwinkle LOL... but not always male/female, in fact, in the parallel of John and Mary Winchester, Sam is John and Dean is mom. Sam was named after their grandfather, and Dean after their grandmother.

Also, Sam is NOT a Damsel in Distress! My friend went through S1 thru 11 and counted how many times each saved the other, and Dean only beats Sam by 3 saves. Ahead by 3 out of 240 (some episodes have more than one salvation scene, some have none or they save each other) episodes is well within the margin of error and it means neither one is a damsel in distress. HOWEVER Tumblr makes Sam overly feminine! But that’s a whole other rant.  Season 8 was a horror fest of Sam hate! Omg is so was NOT! i felt there was more love from Dean towards Sam than any season before it. This season was an emotional roller coaster between the boys, its by far one of my favorite seasons (5 and 11 are my other faves) but i think all the meta written about being a Carver catastrophe and trying to explain WHY it wasnt OOC for Sam to not look for Dean, made some of you not watch the season, or at least, not all of the season, or watched it after reading the meta and thus missed the whole point. However I will agree, like even Jared did, that Sam not looking for Dean definitely was OOC for Sam, especially only knowing what we knew in the beginning. Sam went right away to the promise the boys made not to look for each other, even though he knew Dean looked for him when he went to Hell. It was very OOC for Sam to at least try to make sure Dean was dead first, he had no idea where he was, there was no blood or body, just black goo. Take into consideration that 1) It has been said that S8 was going a different route, but the producers decided to change it, so it’s likely there was more to that story than we actually got. 2) it was the beginning of the season and neither we, nor Jared knew that Sam would later say “I lost my brother a few months back, and my world imploded and everything rained down on me, and i ran” None of us knew that before hand, and Dean was never even told. All he was really told was that Sam was alone, and didnt know what to do so he fixed up the Impala, and just drove. Took time to enjoy the good things, and get a dog and a girlfriend and a home in Texas. Will I will agree that Dean didnt have the right to berate Sam, but he had every right to be hurt and feel betrayed. Sam later turned the table and berated Dean for having Benny. Again, Sam had the right to feel hurt and betrayed, but had no right to berate him, but since they both griefed each other about how they spent the last year, Ill call them both even. This fight that was nothing less than watching a married couple fighting over each other cheating, but once Sam decides to stay with Dean, and Dean cuts ties with Benny, the boys relationship is beautiful again. I say there was so much love shown even in their fighting because we learned part of the depth in which they love each other. Not unlike a married couple.” Don’t ever let someone be more important than me” And though I know, at the end of S8 when Sam was reminded of his “failure” by Dean, Sam was ready to die, but in the middle when the trails are about to start, Dean recalls what kind of life Sam wanted, and was ready to die so Sam could have it. Watch Trial and Error, I think its a great place to see where the boy’s heads are at, at that point in the season.  Dean had no right to trick Sam into letting Gadreel possess him! Absolutely true, he had no right to do that, but Dean knew it too. He knew Sam would never agree to such a thing, and he would rather die. But Dean JUST saved his life back at the church, despite that good that would come of if it Sam finished the trials. This didnt matter to Dean anymore if he didn’t have Sam beside him. It wasn’t like Swan Song... now he KNEW what life without Sam was like and didnt want to do it again. Now he sees that Sam is moments from dying, and has an option... a bad option, but an option. He acted in sheer panic. I cant honestly say I wouldnt do that either. But immediately after, Dean had regrets and fears. Did he make the right call? Was this angel gonna take Sam over or tear him apart? Dean wrestled with this every episode till they finally got Gadreel out. He knew Gadreel taking over and killing Kevin was his own fault and whatever backlash was coming from Sam, he deserved. Now after this I fully understand Sam’s hurt 100% and I think he was even hurt that Dean chose to leave afterwards, but his words at the end of The Purge hurt me for Dean’s sake. Not “Same circumstances, I wouldnt” because of course he wouldnt do the same thing. But telling Dean theres no upside to him being alive, and how Dean tells himself that he does more good than bad, but he doesnt, and “Ill hand it you, you;re willing to do the sacrificing, as long as you’re not the one being hurt” was crushing. Dean has always been hurt in his sacrificing, it was like Sam forgot Dean sacrificing his soul for Sam to live and spending 40 years in hell. So, where I will agree Dean says some crappy things, Sam has been guilty of that too. Both have every right to feel what they feel, but that doesnt give them the right to do or say whatever they want.  Dean always gets friends and Sam doesnt! Now this I think is basically their make up, not a narrative bias. Sam learned in S1, Skin that friends are a liability and having them in their line of work, puts them in danger. Sam is kind and compassionate and the one who talks to the victims and witnesses with care so they trust him, but he doesnt try to pull them closer, to be friends, because he knows its dangerous for them, as he explained to Adam in Jump the Shark. Dean knows this too, but he needs people. He makes friends and tried to have a family outside the job... it never works out, but he still tries. I think Jody is more drawn to Sam, and probably even Rowena, it also looks like Mary is more drawn to Sam,  but Sam is still leary of being close to people. I dont think this has anything to do with the writers wanting us to think Dean is more likable, but to see that the boys need different things. Like Dean has a lot of sex, he needs physical, Sam doesn’t he needs verbal. This is why he has conversations with everyone.  Dean has more dialogue than Sam! He does, often times, I guess if its measured, Dean has probably had more onscreen lines than Sam, but I think they make up for that by giving Sam the bigger story arcs. They give Jared the harder roles to act. Dean’s arcs are almost always the same, he is either more violent, or less violent, whereas Sam has been possessed numerous times, went through addiction and withdrawal, Soullessness, fighting against himself, and acting along side his own different personas, insanity, twice, hallucinations,severe physical illness, loss of loved ones,  sexual assault, and torture, torture, and more torture. He’s been as weak as a child and yet the biggest badass on the show ever. Dont think because Dean says more that Sam doesnt impact the show just as much, if not more. If both shared the same character arcs, it would be monotonous, if Dean didnt have more dialogue than Sam, compared to Sam’s story lines, Dean would look like the antagonist. Oh trust me, I wish every episode was Sam centric, but its not, thats not how the show works, and I have accepted that.  I know I missed many more, but I tried to hit all the ones I see the most meta on. i just want all you Sam girls (Bitter or not) to know that not every Sam girl has gotten as negative of a view as many of you have. Feel free to add to this if you want to, I welcome opposing view points too :)

Rehearsal (part two of normal for once)

Normal for once

“Hi my name is (First Name) (Last Name) and I’m auditioning for the part of Dean Winchester. Thank you.” You slate, you then start performing the small monologue that you had to slightly memorize before walking into the audition. “Thank you.” You say at the end of the monologue with a small bow. You feel like you portrayed Dean’s character well, considering the fact that you live with him… but you won’t know what part you get until after callbacks and the leads of the play has been posted.

After the two days of auditions are over you check the callback list… you’re taken by surprise when you see the fact that your name is under a character name on the list. When you read the character’s name you start cracking up. The character you have a callback for is YOU. 🐝 🐝 🐝 🐝 🐝 “Hi I’m (First Name) (Last Name) and I’ll be portraying the part of Y/N Winchester. Thank you.” You slate during your callback. You take a deep breath pretending to get into character you then start the monologue. “What did you expect it to be… a man eating rabbit from Monty Python and the Holy Grail, or even a cyclops for that matter? I could’ve died tonight because of that stunt… oh do not give me that look, you know exactly what I mean. I’m not going to calm down, you used me as bait and nearly got me killed! Forget it, I’m going back to my brothers… they won’t get me killed on purpose…” At the end of the monologue you say a thank you letting the director know that you were done with the scene.

The song you have to sing to finish your audition is one you know by heart- the song happens to be (favorite song). The theatre teacher tells you when results will be posted amongst a few other things. You’re all full of nerves when the final cast list is posted- you start with the extras and well your name isn’t there, nervously you scan the leads… and your heart skips a beat when you find your name and what character you got… Y/N Winchester. You got the part of yourself and you have no idea how you should feel.

“Sam! Dean!” You say when you get home from school. The tone of your voice makes Sam and Dean come running out of the library. “Whoa, slow down there- I’m not in trouble… I have something to tell you though.”

“And that is?” Dean asks.

“I got a lead!” Sam gives you a high five and asks you which part, you unintentionally told them the play earlier then you wanted. You rub the back of your neck nervously. “I auditioned for Dean…”

“Oh hell no, that is a bit too personal. Even for you Y/N.” Dean interrupts. He said the exact same thing when you told him what the play was going to be. You roll your eyes.

“I wasn’t finished Dean… I auditioned for Dean, but I got Y/N aka me instead.” You state as you fold your arms, looking all defensive. Dean looks slightly embarrassed.

“That’s weirdly awesome.” Sam says easing the tension in the room, you crack a small smile and slowly lose the defensive look. “Okay are you going to tell us who is portraying the part of us?”

“I don’t know what they look like but I know their names: James, Jared, Colin and Mark.” Your brothers roll their hands asking for you to elaborate. “James got the part of Dean, Jared got the part of Sam, Colin is Cas and Mark is Crowley.” 🐝 🐝 🐝 🐝 🐝 In your theatre class, this kid that looks a lot like Sam walks over to you. The kid introduces himself as Jared. “Nice to meet you Jared, I’m Y/N. This might seem like an odd question but are you in the play?”

“It’s not an odd question when you’re a theatre kid.” Jared replies. You laugh. “And to answer your question, yes. I got the part of Sam.”

“That makes you my brother.” Jared looks confused. “I got the part of Y/N. According to the synopsis of the play Sam Dean and Y/N are siblings.” You explain.

“Oh that makes sense. And that is fairly ironic- your character’s name is Y/N and your name is Y/N.” Once again you laugh a little bit. 🐝 🐝 🐝 🐝 🐝 You meet Mark and Colin in your history class- Mark’s complaining about getting the role of Crowley. “What’s wrong with Crowley? He’s pretty cool.” You say. “I’m Y/N in the play.”

“I’m Mark, and that’s Colin… what’s your real name?” Mark replies. He looks a little bit like Crowley, and Colin looks a little bit like Cas.

“Ironically enough, my real name is Y/N.”

“You’re kidding!” Colin exclaims.

“Nope.”

“Either it was on purpose or purely coincidental.” Mark says. He then checks his watch. “We might want to go sit down… the bell is about to ring.” You and Colin agree, and do just that. 🐝 🐝 🐝 🐝 🐝 You, Mark, and Colin head to lunch after class, the three of you meet up with Jared. “I didn’t know you had this lunch Y/N.” Jared says when he sees you.

“To be fair I didn’t know you had this lunch either. Oh yeah Jared, meet Colin and Mark- aka Crowley and Cas. Colin and Mark meet Jared aka Sam.” You reply. “If you guys want to you can sit with me and my friends.”

“You don’t have to do that.” Mark says.

“Yes I do, I want to get to know you three before the play.” Your new friends laugh. 🐝 🐝 🐝 🐝 🐝 After school you’re talking with Colin, Mark and Jared when you see some kids bullying a kid… and well that doesn’t sit well with you. “Y/N wait!” Jared yells when you run over to the kid being bullied.

“She’s going to do something stupid isn’t she?” Mark asks, he then notices who is the victim getting bullied. “Dammit James!” He says before running after you. Colin and Jared run after him.

“Leave him alone!” You growl at the bullies.

“Stay out of this pipsqueak, this is between us and him.” A bully says as he cracks his knuckles.

“That is not intimidating. Besides there’s one thing you should know about me, I have one hell of a (writing hand) hook.” You say folding your arms. That came out of your mouth so naturally it didn’t even register that you just said a line from the play.

“Bullshit.” The bully walks towards you with a menacing look in his eyes. A few seconds later you have the bully against the wall with his left arm painfully behind his back.

“If I see you bully him ever again, I will break your arm.” You harshly warn before letting him up. The bully looks at you with a little bit of fear in his eyes. “I would get out of here before I fulfil that threat early.”

“You weren’t kidding were you?” Jared asks once the bully leaves the scene.

“I was far from kidding Jared.” You reply. “You okay kid?” The kid nods.

“James you told me he stopped.” Mark says with a sigh.

“I didn’t want you to worry.” The kid, James, replies.

“Dude, I’m your older brother it’s kinda my job to worry about you.” James hangs his head with a sigh. Mark introduces you and Jared to James, you also find out that James got the part of Dean in the play. Before you can get to really know James you hear the impala pull into the parking lot.

“That’s my ride…” You say. “I’ll see you boys tomorrow.”

“See ya Y/N.” Your four new friends reply. You shoulder your bag and walk over to the impala. You throw your bag into the backseat and sit in shotgun.

“Those guys weren’t hitting on you were they?” Dean asks as he pulls out of the parking lot.

“No, those guys are actually some of my cast members.” You answer. “And I find this odd, the kid who got your part is the youngest out of the five of us and he happens to be the younger brother of Crowley’s actor.” 🐝 🐝 🐝 🐝 🐝 “Could you two help me memorize?” You ask your brothers when you get the script.

“Who starts the play?” Dean asks in response. You open the script to the first page and plop down on the couch next to Sam.

“That would be Dean… you two are having a conversation in the impala while I’m zonked out in the backseat.”

“Well that is typical of you sis… fork it.” You roll your eyes before handing your eldest brother the script. He then starts to read aloud. Once his lines are said he passes the script to Sam. “Y/N! Get your boots off the top of the seat!” Dean says when he gets the script back, that was your cue. You signal Dean to pass you the script.

“Jeez what got up your ass?” You ask sounding exasperated. “I swear you care more for Baby then your own kin.”

“I’m going to pretend you didn’t just say that.” Dean says as he walks over to you and reads over your shoulder.

“It’s true though.” You then hand Sam the script because he has a line.

“Will you two stop?” He asks, before setting down the script on the coffee table. “I’ll be back.” Your moose of a brother stands up before walking out of the room towards the bathroom.

“Don’t fall in!” You say loud enough for Sam to hear you down the hall. You’re fairly sure that Sam rolled his eyes at that comment.

“If I do, I’m taking you with me.” You and Dean start cracking up. The terms don’t fall in and if I do I’m taking you with me, have been a running joke between you and your brothers for years. You don’t remember why it became a joke in the first place- you do however remember the situation that was going on when those terms were first said and who said them.

Those two terms were first said on a hunt in Wisconsin. That particular hunt happened long before Cas showed up your lives, in fact it was one of the first hunts that happened after dad went missing and you and Dean got Sam from Stanford… Sam told you not to fall into the lake, and being five you just looked at him with innocent eyes and said that if you went into the lake Sam was coming with you. 🐝 🐝 🐝 🐝 🐝 During rehearsal you notice that James is acting more like Sam then Dean; Jared’s acting more like Dean then Sam; Mark is more Cas like and Colin is more Crowley. “Hey guys, I know the people that our characters in the play were based on…” You say one day at lunch, as you rub the back of your neck. “And no offense to you but you guys aren’t really portraying Sam, Dean, Crowley and Cas right.”

“You personally know the people our characters are based off of?” Mark asks. You nod. “So what do you mean we’re not portraying them right?”

“Well its just that you got the personalities swapped. Jared is acting more like Dean, James is acting like Sam, Colin is basically playing Crowley and you’re playing Cas.” Your friends look confused.

“Y/N has a point, I’ve met the people she’s talking about. And you four swapped personalities.” (B/F/N) says as she sits down at the lunch table with everyone. You joked with (B/F/N) that she’d get the part of Rowena because her roll as a witch in Wizard of Oz- she didn’t get Rowena’s part though, she got the part of Meg.

“You know what- I could pull some strings to help you four get your characters right.”

“I have a feeling a ‘but’ is coming.” Mark says.

“There is. You guys better not be blabbermouths about this okay.” You pull out your phone and your friends see the anti-possession symbol as your wallpaper, but they don’t say anything about it because you brought up a certain photo. “These are the real Sam, Dean Cas and Crowley.” You point to each person when you say their names.

“I don’t even think that we’re even the right heights to be these guys.” James says. Causing you and (B/F/N) to laugh.

“James height doesn’t matter, your character matters. If you get Dean’s character spot on that will make all the difference.”

“Thanks Y/N.” James smiles slightly. “You haven’t told us who the real Y/N is though.” Your stomach drops you should’ve figured that question would pop up. You sigh and run a hand through your hair mussing it up.

“Well Y/N doesn’t have a photo of the real Y/N Winchester on her phone… you see Y/N Winchester disappeared years ago. Supposedly she’s our age, but no one knows if she is alive or not.” (B/F/N) says coming to your rescue and that also means you need to buy her food. Damn.

“True, Y/N Winchester and I happened to be great friends before she vanished. I was always spending time with the Winchesters. I still do but it’s not the same- Sam and Dean don’t call me by (initials) anymore. They used to do that so they wouldn’t confuse us.” You add in, saying a very convincing lie. It was so convincing that (B/F/N) tells you after school that if she didn’t know the truth she would’ve believed it. 🐝 🐝 🐝 🐝 🐝 “Got a bit of a situation.” You say when you get back to the bunker.

“And that is?” Sam asks arching a brow.

“The guys got the personalities of their characters wrong.” You got into the habit of calling James, Jared, Colin and Mark 'the guys’ it’s a good way to keep everyone straight. “So I told them I know the real Winchesters- so when James asked about me (B/F/N) decided to say that Y/N Winchester disappeared years ago.” Sam and Dean start dying with laughter.

When learning the songs the choir teacher liked to pick on you- not in a bad way, they were doing it praisingly. The theatre teacher did it too because you were off the book within three weeks while Colin, James, Jared and Mark still had the scripts in hand a month into everything. 🐝 🐝 🐝 🐝 🐝 “What are you two idjits doing here?” You ask, when Sam and Dean randomly show up during practice one day.

“What can’t we stop by and say hello to you?” Dean replies. You roll your eyes.

“Hilarious Dean-o.”

“Hey Y/N aren’t you supposed to be on stage with us?” Mark asks as he hops off the stage’s apron. He then walks over to you.

“Not this instant. My cue for this scene is when Sam says the mark is affecting you Dean.” You reply looking at him. Mark glances at his script and sighs. “You know my offer still stands about helping you guys memorize.”

“Have you met my brother? He’s just as pigheaded as Dean.” You know that Mark is referring to Dean’s character in the play, but your brothers don’t know that.

“I am not pigheaded.” Dean says clearly offended. You turn your head and body toward your eldest brother arching an eyebrow.

“I beg to differ.” You retort. “And we weren’t talking about you Dean, we were referring to the Dean in the play…”

“Y/N you’re needed on stage.” Mark interrupts. You run onstage just as Sam/Jared was saying his line. Dean/James grabs your arm, it wasn’t hard though… James learned his lesson the hard way. When the director was first blocking this scene he grabbed you hard enough that your instincts kicked in. You elbowed James in the ribs and then flipped him on his back… the director loved it so much that they incorporated it into the blocking.

“Dean, let our sister go.” Sam/Jared says as you flip Dean/James on his back.

“I can take care of myself Sam. I’m a hunter too you know.” You state. Mark/Crowley walks out on stage. “Well well well if it isn’t the d-bag galore. What brings you here oh king of Hell?”

“Can you be anymore sarcastic?” Mark/Crowley retorts.

“Hello, Winchester.” You do the action that Gabriel did when he said- hello trickster. Your friends try not to break character each time you say that line you become a sass queen.

“Y/N, do you have to do that every single time?” Jared asks completely breaking character.

“I could be even more sassy if you want me too.” You reply.

“No!” All of boys reply at the same time. 🐝 🐝 🐝 🐝 🐝 Eventually the other leads give in and take up your offer on helping them memorize. You told Sam and Dean ahead of a time that the guys were coming over.

There is a knock on the bunker door. “I’ll get it.” You say setting down your book and putting your gun in the waist band of your pants. You then answer the door and there are your four friends.

“Hey Y/N.” Mark says. His eyes then notice the gun. “Is that a firearm?”

“Yes… sorry, it’s a rule you don’t open the door unless you have a weapon on you. Also uh don’t be surprised if Sam and Dean see if you four are human.”

“What does that mean?” James asks.

“I’ll explain once all of us are inside.” Once inside you lead your friends down to the library. Sam is on his laptop and Dean is almost asleep. You decide to be a bit of a troll, you then turn up the volume on your phone and ask Mark to text you.

Mark is slightly confused but he does so two seconds later your screaming goat notification goes off startling your brothers. “Damn it Y/N.” Dean says. “I really wish you’d change that.”

“Why it’s so fun to make you jump. Anyways the guys are here so I can help them memorize.”

“That works.” 🐝 🐝 🐝 🐝 🐝 While you are helping your friends memorize their lines, Crowley randomly shows up in the library, ironically enough you were on one of your many sass the king of hell lines. “Really Y/N?” Crowley asks after you say your line scaring the ever loving shit out of you.

“Fucking hell Crowley don’t do that.” You say turning to face the demon, who doesn’t look amused.

“Uh Y/N… I thought that line came later in the play.” Mark says. You look at your friend and chuckle.

“I wasn’t talking to you Mark… that one was strictly for the actual ruler of hell.”

“Oh okay… my fault.” He pulls out a quarter and puts it on the coffee table. The five of you had a game going on that whenever someone messed up or broke character they’d have to put some money in the middle of all five of you and whoever messes up/breaks character the least wins the money.

“What is going on?” Crowley asks, clearly confused. You put a slightly crumpled dollar on the table then turn to face Crowley. You then explain the school is putting on Supernatural the musical.

-to be continued-

Wincestmas Day 8

Excerpts from the Journal of Robert Singer

April 5th 1986 –

Got a call today from John Winchester, he needed a favor.  Should’ve told him no straight off.  He shows up with two kids askin if I’d keep an eye on em while he hooks up with Elkins to do a hunt.  Son of a bitch didn’t even wait for me to say yes or no, just dumps the kids and takes off.   Cute kids, quiet though.

May 1st 1986 –

Found out just today, Sam’s birthday is tomorrow.  What the hell kind of father leaves a kid on his birthday?  Good thing Dean finally started talking, I was beginning to wonder about him.  He’s awful quiet, like he’s thinking about things all the time, studying on the situation like he might have to run or fight.

Sam’s the complete opposite.  That little boy could talk your ear off, then go in for the other one.  And questions!  Lord have mercy I can’t believe that child is only gonna be three tomorrow.  He sounds like he’s ready to argue a case in front of the Supreme Court.  He’d make a good lawyer, come to think of it. 

At least I got both of them on a schedule with bedtimes and such.  Finally got Dean to eat.  That was a battle let me tell you.  Every single meal he’d sit there, staring at his plate until he was sure Sam was finished.  Then he’d eat about half of what I gave him.  Only I didn’t know that since he was taking the leftover food, wrapping it up, then hiding it in their room.  Took me a week to figure out what the ungodly smell in there was.  Then I found the stash of half rotten food.  Dean was so scared I was mad he almost made himself sick.  What the hell happened to this child that he thinks I’m going to beat him for hiding food?  And why does he think he has to hide food to start with?

June 14th 1986 –

Wonder of wonders John actually called to check on the boys today.  Didn’t want to talk to them, just wanted to know if they were behaving.  I gotta wonder how broken you have to be to only care that your children are obeying the rules.  Not if they are happy or healthy or if they miss you.  I understand he lost his wife.  I lost mine.  But I didn’t have kids to raise.  These boys need their dad, not some drill Sargent. 

Little Sam cried when he found out John called because he didn’t want to leave here.  I asked him why and he told me he and Dean wanted me to be their daddy because I was nice to them.  Almost broke my heart to hear that little voice tell me how John would beat Dean with a belt if Sam did something wrong. 

I finally got Dean to trust me enough to talk to me.  He told me he hid the food because lots of times they didn’t get enough to eat and later Sam would cry he was hungry.  If Sam cried John would beat Dean with a belt because it was Dean’s job to take care of Sam, so if Sam was crying Dean must not be doing his job. 

Dean would wait until Sam was done eating, make sure he said he’d had enough, then Dean would eat half his food saving the other half for later when Sam would say he was hungry.  After hearing that I got to looking at the boys real close.  Noticed Sam was chubby with healthy pink cheeks.  Dean was a little too thin, not enough to notice right away, but if you looked careful you could see the dark circles under his eyes, the way his ribs showed a little more than most boys his age, the same for his arms and legs, a little thin. 

I had to excuse myself to go check the oil on my truck after that.  Good thing I had a clean handkerchief with me, ended up getting something in my eye.

June 3rd 1991

John dropped the boys off for the summer, at least he told them goodbye this time.  Mighty nice of him considering they probably won’t see him again till Labor Day.  After that he’ll have school to babysit them all day.

Signed Dean up for summer baseball and Sam for soccer.  Sam’s team won the championship last year, so they are pretty excited to have him back. 

I guess I’m kinda lucky the boys are as close as they are.  They don’t seem to mind having to share a bed, makes it easier on me since I only have to clean out one room for the both of them.  Watched them for a while today.  Sam just lights up whenever he manages to make Dean smile.  And he tries all the time.   That kid can be so goofy I swear.   I honestly believe that Dean would die for Sam.  He looks at Sam sometimes like he’s the only person in the world.  What they have shines off them.  It’s like they’re more than brothers.

September 28th 1997

John and the boys got here late last night.  John and I are leaving today to take on a big vamp nest in New Mexico.  Sam and Dean are staying here to field phone calls and basically look after the place.

Sam was acting strange, well stranger than a normal 14 year old acts when he overhears his dad telling his older brother, he’s leaving the Impala with him so he has somewhere to take his dates instead of sneaking them into his room while he’s gone.  That boy had a look on his face like his heart was breaking right in two.

Then as soon as John walked away, Dean went straight to Sam, put his arm around him, messed up his hair and told him not to worry, he wasn’t planning on going on any dates that week.  It would just be the two of them, fishing, maybe some trips to the arcade, any geek boy movie Sam wanted to go see and whatever old moldy cowboy videos I had.  Gotta admit that last one stung a bit. Old? Moldy? Chisolm Trail is a classic!

Anyway, Sam lit up like the Captain of the football team just asked him to prom.  Then I heard Dean call him “baby boy” and it clicked.  Sam’s in love with Dean.  And I’m pretty sure Dean feels the same way.

I see the little touches, the smiles.  I see how they look at each other when the other isn’t looking.  Gotta be honest, I wish it hadn’t happened, but it did.  They fell in love.  Both of em being guys is one thing.  People have gotten a lot more tolerant of that lately.  But them being brothers, yeah that’s gonna be an issue.  I don’t have a problem with it personally.  As long as no one is forcing anyone to do anything against their will.  From what I can see, Sam is so willing he can barely contain himself.  Dean must be tryin to hold out till Sam’s a little older.  Good for him.  Hope they make it.

December 31st 1999

New Year’s Eve at the end of the millennium.  John, Sam and Dean are here.  Sam and Dean are together.  John of course, doesn’t know.

I caught sight of ‘em out back arms around each other, full on kiss.  Have to admit, brought tear to my eye the way they look at each other when they think no one can see them.  I truly believe in my heart those two are true soul mates.

Told John I was takin him out to my favorite bar to get drunk and find a willin’ gal to kiss our ugly mugs at midnight.  That should give those two a few hours to be together without having to pretend.  I’d be hard pressed to describe the looks of excitement on their faces when they heard. 

March 4th 2001

Sam’s acceptance package from Stanford came today.  Full academic scholarship for four years.  I’d be impressed but I know this is going to kill Dean.  I think Sam know it too.  I could hear it in his voice when I called to tell him. 

August 12th 2001

Spent most of the day dealing with the mess Sam left when he got on that bus for Stanford today.  Between John saying he’d better stay gone and Dean so hurt I’m not sure he’s gonna make it I’ve had to go to the liquor store twice today. 

September 1st 2001

Couldn’t take it anymore.  Sat Dean down and told him I knew.  He tried to act like he didn’t know what I was talking about, but once I made him understand I was truly okay with it, he broke down. 

I gave him $1000 and told him to go to Stanford and be with Sam.  Don’t tell anyone you’re brothers.  Get a job and a place to live then be together.  Told him I’d deal with John.  Figured I’d just say Dean needed to hunt on his own.  Never saw anyone so happy to do a complete lifestyle 180 in his life. 

October 31st 2005

Called Dean.  Told him no one’s heard from his dad in a few weeks.  He’d better get Sam and get here asap.  He said Sam might not want to come but he’d do his best.  I asked him how the two of them were doing, he said great.  Since it was free, Sam was living in student housing, but the two of them spent almost every night together. 

Sam had a girl room-mate, they were best friends.  Dean hadn’t met her yet, but said if he didn’t know how much Sam loved him he might be jealous.  Then he laughed.  Never get tired of hearing those boys laugh.  They really don’t do it enough.

November 15th 2011

Dean told me about Sam being tricked into getting married to some weird stalker girl while I was off hunting Vamps in Oregon.  Said it shook him up so bad he’s gonna propose to Sam and wondered if I could get them fake I.D.s for Iowa, since it was legal for them to get married there, as long as they weren’t brothers. 

Congratulated him and told him not to expect me to walk either of them down aisle.  I lied.  If they asked, I’d do it in heartbeat, the idjits.

written by @debivc78