#it was moreso the discord that needs to change and as someone whos been there its been as horrible as that since the time of those scs | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

lovelylivelyv · 5 months

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Beware This Person

Before we begin, obligatory disclaimer: do NOT harass the person I am about to bring up. I don’t want things to spiral out of control and I am simply here to warn you guys about a potentially harmful person I advise you stay away from. Ok? Good. Also a TL;DR is at the bottom of the post just in case.

It has been brought to my attention that someone I had beef with on Discord took to Tumblr and has been badmouthing me for months. Sidetable-Drawer (also one of the mods on Hottoepecker) and I met in a Foster’s Home For Imaginary Friends server though I came across her blogs around the same time. We initially got along well, but then I noticed her behavior would change when it came to disagreements. It got to the point where I felt she was getting extreme, and she blocked me shortly before leaving the server entirely. I thought that would be the end of it, but I find out that two months after she left the server (and two months before the post was sent to me with monthly reblogs), she made an entire rant about two sides of the fandom. However, I noticed for one particular side she seemed to talk less about the side in general and moreso one person, and that person is me. Since she blocked me and made me powerless to defend myself on the post itself, I’m here to warn you all about her behavior.

The post is about how the “Bloo is basically Cartman” and “Bloo did nothing wrong it’s everyone else’s fault” sides of the Foster’s fandom are really annoying. But when she talked about the latter, she brought up multiple things I did specifically, in addition to how her saying she won’t pretend Bloo is an UWU Soft Baby or whatever was something she only started saying after I had the audacity to claim…that the rest of the main cast are flawed individuals that likely don’t understand the weight of their actions against Bloo (ex. excessive yelling, hitting, double-standards; for more info watch The Hidden Pain Of Blooregard Q. Kazoo). For the record, I never claimed “Bloo did nothing wrong”, I only claimed “Bloo deserved better”. But enough about that, I’m going to point out the tip-offs that give away she’s using me to cover up how she’s actually a bully.

“Guys he's just a goofy little asshole who's fun to watch (most of the time) but sometimes needs to be thrown against a wall.”

-She said this a notable amount of times in the Discord server and it sounds unironic. I don’t want to read into this too much, but I firmly believe children don’t deserve to be abused. Yet I’m the demonizer?

“He’s got his own problems…but it also doesn’t justify him being a jerk.”

-I never said his reasons make it ok for him to be a jerk, all I said was he has reasons for acting out. Understanding is not the same as excusing. This is also the same person who thinks Mac was in the right for abandoning Bloo twice but three a fit when Bloo dared to “cheat” on Mac with another kid later on (she can believe it if she wants, but I find it funny that she makes excuses for Mac while having a zero-tolerance policy for Bloo).

“I've seen some people come up with BS takes defending everything Bloo does and throwing every other character under a bus and demonizing them (we had an entire video post about FRANKIE derailed with a reblog about how everyone is "too mean" to Bloo. Please make a new post for your bad takes)”

-As I said above, the first half is not true. Sidetable-Drawer specifically accused me of demonizing them when I explained how leaving Bloo to die in the pilot episode despite mustering the courage to save Mac mere seconds later was the catalyst for his behavior. As for the other…yeah, I derailed one of her threads (because she mentioned Bloo was being a little shit for wanting credit for a rescue), but it was one time. A singular time. This is hypocritical of Sidetable-Drawer to complain about because she’s guilty of doing the exact same thing MULTIPLE times. She not only derailed Bloo conversations to gush about Mac, but also invaded Gloo shipping spaces and constantly called me and others disgusting proshippers over a HEADCANON. Here are some screenshots of Sidetable-Drawer’s continuous derailments, as well as others trying to get her to stop ship-policing: (for privacy sake I’m blocking out all pfps and usernames aside from mine but will put “SD” next to Sidetable-Drawer’s messages)

So much for not burning me at the stake. Imagine calling my opinions bad takes when she’s the one actively harassing others over a ship she can’t accept is genuinely harmless, simply because it doesn’t fit her interpretation of a tweet Craig McCracken made. I’ve talked many times about how the aging thing is not necessarily set in stone for Bloo because of the existence of loopholes (Land Of The Flea) and the implication that Mac’s subconscious reason for creating Bloo was to have the big brother Terrence should have been, so I’ll just leave it at that.

“He's a funny jerk. Sometimes you just have to leave it at that.”

-Mac is a happy little kid, you could just leave it at that too. But you love to dissect how he’s a powerful character for coming out of his trauma a better person and theorizing how Mac’s life used to be before the show’s events. Why shouldn’t Bloo’s complexity be talked about? It sounds like you take issue with the idea that Bloo can be as layered as his peers.

“People are allowed to like Bloo but people are also allowed NOT to like him for these reasons, and you have to deal with it.”

-Then why did you accuse me of demonizing the main cast for saying the others needed to do better too? Why did you harass Gloo shippers to the point of trying to guilt-trip them out of shipping it? YOU’RE the one who’s not allowing people to think differently from yourself.

“(In the tags) Sometimes I remember that horribly squicky ‘Bloo Defense’ video and die a little bit. Sometimes you need to back up and tell yourself…it’s JUST a drawing :p”

-Ship-policing wasn’t enough for you, now you’re policing character analyses just because my view is wildly different from yours. How would you feel if someone told you that for saying Mac deserves better? You yourself are adamant against using “it’s just a cartoon”, but I guess you have no issue using it when someone else’s opinion doesn’t fit your idea of how things should be. Also if you really hated my video that much, you could have left a comment on the video proper instead of dragging my name in the mud for months.

All of this happened over simple disagreements I tried to be polite about despite her ignoring boundaries and shaming others time and time again. Normally I don’t respond to hate comments, but after having to deal with Sidetable-Drawer’s behavior on Discord for months and eventually finding out how she went out of her way to mock me and leave me powerless to defend myself, I knew I had to speak out about all this. If anybody figured out she was actually talking about one person and knew it was me, I could have been harassed. If I can help at least one person avoid being on the receiving end of her bullying, so be it.

TL;DR A Foster’s Home fan vilified me for having a different perspective, disguised a Tumblr post and subsequent reblogs targeting me to be about another group of Foster’s fans, and I’m warning others to stay away from her so they don’t go through the same thing if not worse.

#important #foster’s home for imaginary friends #fosters home for imaginary friends #fandom discourse

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rue-bennett · 1 year

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i can't believe i'm saying this but i cried last night because of tumblr. like ugly cried, with sniffles and all. it's just not what it used to be, you know? many of my friends are inactive and i don't know what happened to them because one day they simply stopped posting. i tried making new friends and reached out to some people and got straight up ignored. my gifs (and i gif super popular fandom) went from guaranteed 1k-2k to barely 150-200 notes. last night was final straw - i was hoping to join a gifmaker network (not even for the reblogs, but just to have people who are on the same boat, to make new friends, to learn something new) that has a private discord and they told me they won't take new members, but someone from there reached out to me privately (because they felt bad) and told me that people there were making fun of me and my application and just in general. i don't understand how this site that was so open to people and interconnected by fandoms and crossovers could became so clicky. you can't sit with us, that sort of vibe. and i'm just done. i spent five years here and i regret it now. i'm sorry to vent like this to you, but you are always so kind and thoughtful in your responses to different people. i just need someone to tell me i'm not a acting like a baby about this all :(

No that’s honestly really messed up, I am so sorry that happened to you and I’d do the same. I’ve had my ups and downs and suspicions about that sort of thing in the past and that’s just awful. I do think the site has changed in a lot of ways. I definitely don’t use it the way I used to (maybe that’s more me changing than the site though? Who knows) but so much has changed, especially being a gifmaker/creator. Those people absolutely suck and you deserve so much better. Keep doing your thing and unfollow all those assholes because damn.

There really are still nice people on this site, I’ve met some of my irl and online best friends here. I think it’s definitely become less, idk, open or full of messages versus how it used to be? Idk if it’s aging user base or if people are just here moreso to post than to chat (and they do that on other social media now) or what. Maybe someone else can explain this better or has a better theory than me. That said, I’ve been here since 2015 (deep breaths about the passage of time) so I get it. I’m so sorry dear, pay them no mind if you can help it. Assholes will be assholes unfortunately but you’ve got this💙 there are so many kind people here that I’m so thankful for and I know you’ll find yours, it just might take some time.

#asks #anonymous #tumblr

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electricea-archive · 2 years

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——— BASICS !

(PEN)NAME: I mainly go by Jassi - some people call me Jas. I’m cool with whatever you want to call me, so long as it’s not rude.

PRONOUNS: I’m okay with people either referring to me as she/her or they/them.

ZODIAC SIGN: Sagittarius/Scorpio cusp.

TAKEN OR SINGLE: Single and cool with it! What matters most to me is finding contentment with myself. I’m in no rush to get into a relationship but I’m also the type of person to go with the flow. Things can change in an instant but I’m happy with how things are right now.

——— THREE FACTS !

I used to do group RP’s primarily on Tumblr - I don’t even know if they’re really a thing anymore but in my early days, it was pretty fun and I met some cool people.

Among some of my jobs have been a call center, a pet store, a kindergarten class room, a retail store and a filing job. My current two jobs are grocery and working at a movie theater. I hope to someday work at a bookstore.

My favorite candies of all time are those little sour watermelons. Can’t get enough of those. I can’t stand those little Werthers candies - they just taste gross to me - I’ve never been big on a lot of ‘caramel’ or ‘butterscotch’ flavors. The only caramel I like is in Caramilk bars and sometimes, I’m in the mood for butterscotch pudding.

——— EXPERIENCE !

PLATFORMS USED: In the past, I used to use Chatzy fairly often which brings back some memories. In my early days, I wrote on Bulbagarden and Habbo Hotel. But right now, my two platforms of choice are mainly Tumblr and Discord.

——— MUSE PREFERENCE !

GENDER: I would say male muses, more often than not - I wish I could point to any one concrete reason, but I just don’t resonate with a lot of female muses. I write maybe one or two on Discord and they’re very infrequent.

LEAST FAVOURITE FACE(S): Dylan Everett - he’s a Canadian actor, who was on shows like Wingin’ It and Degrassi. I don’t really have an issue with Dylan, moreso that one of my more horrible group experiences involved a particularly nasty mun roleplaying as a character that he played on Degrassi. His character on the show was heavily speculated to be gay and canonically had depression. This mun would take these headcanons to extreme, quickly having their muse become extremely attached to any male RP blog that would show them even the slightest hint of attention. To any other muses, especially female ones - they were extremely nasty and had a habit of picking fights. They would often treat other female muses in the group as their ‘love rivals’ and would often initiate threads with these muses, usually under the pretense of them hanging out or studying together, only for the thread to quickly spiral into complete insanity when they would begin threatening these female muses and writing their character holding knives to their throats simply for ‘standing in the way’. OOC, their behavior was also completely wretched and they posted someone’s IP address over a petty dispute over Demi Lovato music. Definitely ruined the faceclaim for me after that.

MULTI OR SINGLE: Single blog for now - I’ve speculated about doing another blog which is still very much a work in progress but I’m trying to take things slow because good things come to those who wait. I’m often reluctant to go multi because I usually know Ryuji will win out and I won’t be able to divide attention evenly between the two.

——— FLUFF / ANGST / SMUT !

FLUFF: I love it - it’s like a warm hug and just what you need on a crappy or boring day. I’m always in the mood for fluff.

ANGST: I do love my angst but sometimes angst that’s especially on the heavier side can be difficult for me to focus on. You ever just get a little too much angst to the point where you want to write happy things instead? That’s me sometimes. Angst is amazing but you have to be in the right mood or headspace for it.

SMUT: I’ve mentioned before that I’m okay with ‘fade to blacks’ or explicitly mentioning our muses have/had a sexual relationship. Someone made a good point about focusing on the intimacy and the romance as opposed to just writing porn for the sake of the porn and I agree with that.

PLOT / MEMES: Definitely plot OOC but I can wing it as well. I feel perfectly comfortable with sending people memes and initiating things via memes, though after a certain point, I do hope that will be reciprocated to some degree. I’m also more than okay with receiving memes - ecstatic even! I’m grateful to every person who sends a meme.

TAGGED BY: @more-than-a-princess (Thanks!)

TAGGING: Honestly, whoever wants to try this! This was a really interesting questionnaire and I hope you were able to learn a thing or two about me! Now, I can’t wait to learn about you!

#( ooc. )

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memorymistress · 3 years

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{jeon yeo-bin, 28, cis woman, she/her} || min-ji nam is a mutant with the ability of memory manipulation they’ve been in new york for two years where they spend most of their time as mortician. when i think of them, i think of the name of a childhood friend you can’t quite remember, ink bleeding through a page, hands that don’t warm up, a long black coat with two buttons missing.

nam min-ji was the first child and only daughter to two loving parents. she’s born in a small fishing town in korea. she’d remain an only child for four years, until her brother was born. her first seven years were unremarkable, then her parents pack everything and move to america for a work opportunity for her dad. she has an eidetic memory, which helped a lot during her schooling. she speaks two languages: korean and english, along with a small bit of french thanks to a required high school class. her life is normal, and she pursues a degree in chemistry with a minor in photography, and the former would lead to her pursuing an associate’s degree in mortuary science. after seven years of college, she’d shadow a local funeral director for a full year before going off on her own. her work has taken her all sorts of cities, even back to korea for a short stint. now, she’s back home in new york, running her own funeral parlor for the past two years.

those are the facts. that’s her life story.

it’s all wrong.

nam min-ji was the first and only daughter to two loving parents. she’s born in a small fishing town in korea. she’d remain an only child for four years, until her brother was born. when she was five, she started a game that would entertain her friends and other neighborhood kids. if she touched their hand, she could tell them what they had for breakfast, what their mother had told them earlier in the day word for word, or what they’d gotten for their last birthday. the kids were amazed at min-ji’s ability, and begged for her to teach them. she’d just smile. by six, kids would come up to her in school for help remembering where their house was, what the teacher had said an hour beforehand, or other things their little minds couldn’t quite recall. but min-ji always could.

the fun and games ended when her teacher noticed how children flitted to and from her desk. she wanted to know what was going on, as the disruptions were becoming a nuisance. min-ji, a little kid and proud of what she could do, wanted to show off to the adult. she grabbed her hand. images filled her head of a man yelling, and she could hear her teacher yelling back, something about money and cheating. min-ji frowned at her teacher, and repeated the exact words the man had used at her. the adult flinched and looked at her in horror.

it was the beginning of the end.

she’s sent to the headmaster’s office. neither them or the teacher could decide what was there to do about her. was she spying on the teacher? had her parent’s heard and told her? any rational conclusion couldn’t fit as how had the girl been able to say exactly what the teacher’s husband had? at the mention of touch causing it, they came to one solution: min-ji could no longer have skin to skin contact at school. she was to come everyday in gloves.

little min-ji became a pariah in a matter of days. there were whispers of what caused her new daily accessory, why the teacher wouldn’t even look in her direction anymore, if her ability to look in the past was actually a curse. her parents took her to different doctors, all of which had no clue what caused min-ji’s abilities.

a year after her incident at school, a group of kids a grade older than her cornered min-ji in alley. they grabbed her hand and yanked a glove off.

“show us your magic trick, freak.”

min-ji, in tears and scared as the other kids pushed and smacked her head, discovered a new skill she had. as her hand was placed in one of bully’s, she saw a blur of memories and shut her eyes tight. she wanted it all to stop. stop. stop. STOP. and then it did. she was back in her own mind, and a sense of calmness washed over her. the other kid wasn’t so lucky. he dropped her hand and looked around.

“where am i?” their group’s eyes widened. “who are you?” he questioned. unable to understand what was going on, the children screeched, one pulling on their now confused friend away from her.

“get away from her! get away!” they yelled to each other.

word was spread around. the boys’ parents are furious, claimed min-ji cursed their son. the entire town was aware of min-ji’s...quirk now, and they were furious. nothing her parents said could soothe the angry mob. a sympathetic doctor had contacted them, and let them know of a school that taught children like her in new york. her parents had no other choice, as they were just as worried about their daughter as much as their neighbors were scared of her.

within the next few months, her family were moved to a two bedroom apartment in new york. in another week, min-ji was enrolled in the xavier institute. the harassment from their town, move, and overall culture shock of a new place had shaken min-ji. she didn’t understand what made her so different, made her so hated.

slowly, she became to understand it. as she met the other kids, she could see their various talents and how hers weren’t just an everyday oddity. for awhile, things improved. she still wore her gloves, but with one on one teacher instructions, she learned to control and sharpen her abilities. there were still bumps and dives in the road, but nothing too bad.

then, she took off her gloves one day. she’d met someone she’d wanted to hold hands with, to touch without fabric as a barrier. it was a mistake. she wasn’t ready.

her excitement caused her to push her own memories onto her current crush, so much so they felt like they were experiencing it. for the first time in more than half a decade, she saw the emotion she saw in those kids’ eyes in the alley. fear.

the other students started to avoid her. they’d flinch if she even brushed past. they were all different, but now people realized fully what min-ji could, the extent of it. how do you know if your memories are your own? is she messing with us right now? i feel like i’m forgetting everytime i’m in a room with her. min-ji realized even mutants couldn’t resist acting on their panic.

still, there were a couple of people who stayed by her side, were friends with her. it didn’t ease the sting of people being scared of her entirely, but it helped her cope. as soon as she graduated, she was out of there. professor xavier had been kind enough to pay for her schooling to a university. she flourished there as no one knew she was any different. her parents were proud, happy that she’d grown up to be the woman she was. they found her choice of career a bit funny, but were glad she knew what she wanted to do.

it’s during her year shadowing a funeral director things are thrown awry. the president confirms the existence of mutants. people will find out. they always want to know why she wore the gloves.

with mutants coming out of the shadows, she panicked even moreso. she left the city, wanting as much distance between her and the school as possible. then, she couldn’t run anymore. she was in charge of someone who turned out to be a mutant, as well as their friends who attended the service. one had the ability to see other people’s mutation. he pulled her aside, began peppering her with questions. her repeated denial was met with an invitation. they had a group of mutants, people to test their powers with. if you don’t let it out once in awhile, you’ll explode. that conversation kept her up for weeks, until she finally gave in. it was uncomfortable at first, as she was resistant to revealing her abilities. when she did, it wasn’t fright that met her. it was amazement.

she’s thriving again, but this time as herself. her true self. everything was going well, she was happier than ever. her powers weren’t a curse. they could make people happy, make her happy, like they had as a child.

but she started to use it too much. she overexerted herself. she began having ideas, ways to speed up mutant acceptance. as she discovered she didn’t even need to touch people to look into their memories, to change it. why couldn’t i just meet the president, rewrite his history so he comes up with stronger mandates for mutant protection? some were for it, most were wary. you’re going off the deep end. take a step back. she didn’t care, she had a gift and wanted to use it. the amount of bodies coming into the parlor that were mutants had skyrocketed over the years. something had to be done.

the group agreed, just not with her. a plan was made with the other telepath among them as the main player. with their abilities, as min-ji slept one night, they put a stop to min-ji’s fantastical plans by erasing her knowledge she was a mutant at all. it took some time, to fill such a large part of her life enough that she wouldn’t be suspicious.

it worked. min-ji started over without knowing it, and has been living that way for the past eight months. she wore gloves because her hands were always cold. i was born to be a mortician, huh? she’d joke to people once she told them her line of work. it’s normal. she’s normal. nothing could change that. right?

okay so hi! i would love to plot with everyone and write with everyone! i’m izzy aka bells (i answer to either!) my discord is gaytendo#6961 or you can im me on here!! i can’t wait to write and talk with all of you!!

#do you recognize the face in the mirror? —「 appearance 」#i've got a suitcase of memories that i almost left behind. —「 musings 」#everybody cut footloose! —「 walkman 」#oh. you just reminded me of someone. —「 answered 」#say you’ll remember me. —「 interactions 」#you thought this was an intro? it was a tag dump all along #death tw #bullying tw

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myaekingheart · 3 years

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As I approach a very raw and emotional arc in the story that I’m writing, I’ve been thinking a lot about comfort characters, coping mechanisms, and fandom. Specifically in the lens of curating your own fandom experience and trying to navigate other people’s perceptions of your comfort characters.

Like, one of my favorite things about fandom is the fact that we have this tendency to so often latch onto characters that mean something to us or that we see parts of ourselves in. We get really, really attached to characters and fall in love with them and even create these fabricated narratives (that are sometimes also romances, self-insert or not) as a way to feel some sort of bond with these characters. We feel like we know them and end up feeling like we share some sort of fictional relationship with them and it can be extremely comforting. It can be extremely comforting using that fictional relationship and the stories we weave as a way to cope with things we’re dealing with in our lives, to work through these complex and raw thoughts and emotions in a way that foregoes more dangerous routes. The intrinsic value of hurt/comfort and even whump in transformative works in terms of coping with mental, physical, and emotional pain cannot be ignored. And this is great! The right to take a comfort character and use them as your own personal coping mechanism is truly one of the most wonderful things about fan culture.

If this was all there was to it, then that would be fine. And if you’re kind of solitary in your fandom endeavors, then that’s likely all there is to it. When you start engaging in fandom and with other people, though, I feel like that’s when things can so easily go awry. Chances are, you are not the only person who takes comfort in a specific character. And you are not the only person who uses that character to cope and process through transformative works. It’s an amazing feeling to find someone who shares the same love for a character that you do, and who is on a similar wavelength as you in terms of using that character as a way to cope, and the things that you each use that character to cope with. But then there’s the darker side, when people use your comfort character to cope with things that make you uncomfortable. Or even just use them as a player in a story that makes you uncomfortable. It can be extremely difficult to be so deeply attached to a character and your own personal solitude in them, the idea of them protecting you from something bigger than yourself, and then so suddenly find someone else using that very character to create stories heavily focused on the very thing you’re trying to combat. The most common reactions, I feel, are typically anger, fear, confusion, hurt, distrust, disgust. A part of you might even begin questioning how well you even know this character to begin with, or if everything you’ve thought you understood about them was way off the mark and you’ve been fabricating this false, out-of-character idea of them. But more than anything, you begin to feel like the one character in which you sought comfort has been turned around to hurt you. And that can be an extremely distressing thing to try to manage.

It can be even more difficult when the version of this character that is so heavily focused on something that’s harmed you is widely accepted or at least presented in a fandom space. It can feel isolating, like you constantly have to watch your step and vet everyone that reaches out to you or follows you. It can be tiring. It can leave you feeling like you just want to remove yourself from fandom spaces entirely. A personal example: one of my favorite characters is very commonly presented in fandom in a way that feels very close to an incident from when I was younger that traumatized me. And seeing this character presented in this way can be incredibly distressing, disturbing, and disgusting. More often than not, I end up having this very visceral reaction that leaves me nauseous, angry, and self-conscious. Because seeing a character I love occupying a space reminiscent of someone who hurt me is unsettling, and even moreso when it’s so much harder to avoid.

So that begs the question of what to even do about this, because I’m sure that this experience is universal to anyone engaging in fandom in one capacity or another. There are plenty of options. There is leaving fandom entirely, whether that means detaching yourself from your entire fandom experience or resorting to enjoy fandom quietly, silently, alone. This is an easy and safe option. This is like the abstinence of options. You can’t put yourself in the line of fire if you never engage in the first place, right? But it’s also incredibly isolating. It’s cutting yourself off of the positive experiences in fandom because the negatives seem to outweigh them. It’s throwing the whole thing in the garbage because one piece broke off. Another option is policing other people. This is considered in poor form. This is unhinged and unempathetic. This is the angry child stomping in the grocery store insisting that if you can’t have a piece of candy, then no one can. Because people are going to continue to write and create whatever content they want regardless of whether or not it makes someone else uncomfortable. Sometimes especially if it makes someone else uncomfortable, because that is the point that they are trying to make in their art. But also because so often the very things that make you uncomfortable are the very things are bringing comfort to someone else. It’s their way of coping, just in the exact opposite way as you. And policing them would make them feel the same way as someone policing you. It feels restrictive and hurtful and, again, isolating. So if you can’t stop other people from creating what you don’t want to see, and you can’t bring yourself to remove yourself from the situation, what other options do we have left?

Managing your fandom experience is like a balancing act. It requires not censorship, necessarily, but well-intentioned warnings. Tagging and unfollowing and blocking and blacklisting. The only reliance this has on other people is for them to maintain courtesy by listing the contents on the front page like the ingredients on a package of food. Not everyone does this, which is another problem entirely, but the ones that do are doing all that’s required of them. The rest is up to you. The rest relies solely on your ability to blacklist your triggers, unfollow people who do share content that triggers you without tagging (which can be difficult when something that triggers you is very niche and vague, like a specific perfume or a woman with blue hair). Block people who follow you that share triggering content, even if you’re not following them, because we know that even them just appearing in your notifications and the temptation of looking at their content can be unnerving--despite how much we all certainly like to believe we have some semblance of self control. Blacklist the tags that bother you so that you can continue engaging with a friend’s content even if they share things that you don’t enjoy or want to see. Tumblr makes this easy with options like Xkit and Tumblr Savior.

But what about other places? What about on Twitter and Discord and AO3 and deviantART? What about when you run into uncomfortable content that you can’t avoid? When all other options have been exhausted but you still just can’t escape it? What do you do then? I’m still trying to figure that out myself. I’m still trying to find a way to navigate certain unsettling waters in the most balanced and respectful way, while also respecting my own triggers and mental health. And sometimes it’s really fucking hard. Sometimes there’s more to it than just blocking and blacklisting. And I wish I had answers for what to do in those situations, but I don’t. Not yet. And I hope one day I will.

All of this is just to say: fandom can be a murky and dizzying experience and sometimes you’re bound to run into things that make you uncomfortable, or things that don’t sit well with you. Sometimes you’re bound to run into interpretations of your comfort character that make you sick to your stomach and want to punch a hole in the wall and delete everything you’ve ever written and shot out into the world for reasons you don’t even quite understand. And sometimes all of that can feel really isolating, or like you’re just overexaggerating and being a wimp, or like you’re being a bad participant in fandom spaces. Sometimes it can be really hard to want to stay involved in fandom when curating that experience can feel like so much work. And because as much as you can tag and blacklist and block and unfollow, that doesn’t always completely erase the feelings that running into that triggering content comes with. You can do all of these things and still feel nauseous and angry and uncomfortable and like you desperately need to reach for the eye bleach. And that can be really hard to navigate, especially when seeing that content makes you feel separated from the one character you would turn to to actually cope with this. Sometimes it can begin to feel like the way you see this character or feel about this character has been irrevocably changed for you now, because all you see attached to them now is your trigger, and that really hurts. I wish I had answers for how to manage those feelings, or how to rewire the circuits in your brain and load an old save up, to cut out the moldy part of the cheese and enjoy the rest that hasn’t yet been spoiled in your mind. I wish I had answers for how to cope with those sorts of things, but I don’t. I just hope one day I will.

#i'm probably going to delete this later #but i just needed to tap out a really shitty essay on some things that have been going through my mind lately #because sometimes it really can just be increasingly difficult to avoid triggers in fandom #but it's just something we all have to learn how to perfect and navigate properly i guess?#i don't know i'm just being stupid though #so don't mind me #long post is long #delete later #ramblings

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noxtms · 3 years

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❝ IT’S THE MOST WONDERFUL TIME OF THE YEAR ! after months of wondering whether the annual festivities that we all enjoy could even hope to proceed as normal given the current climate... the lights have been switched on in diagon alley & across the country, signalling the start of the holiday season for all ! countless members of the wixen community have worked around the clock to ensure that the 2020 winter festival is as big and as brilliant as ever, while ensuring that the safety standards now insisted upon by the ministry of magic are met ! luckily enough, this hasn’t impacted anything too seriously - the BIGGEST change for any festival veteran is that rather than finishing up each night at midnight, stalls have been instructed to join the stores along the alley and close their shutters down at 8pm sharp. all this means, of course, is that there’s just a little bit less time to squeeze in all that holiday shopping ! ❞

WHO, WHAT, WHEN, WHERE :

ACROSS BRITAIN, MONTHLONG : even outside of HOGWARTS ( where the holiday feast is rumored to be bigger than ever ), the wixen world takes the holiday season extremely seriously.

hogsmeade stores slash their prices for tourists & visiting students alike to snatch up a bargain and take the financial strain out of purchasing christmas presents, and no one goes home without grabbing a cup ( or four ) of hot butterbeer from the three broomsticks. the tree at the centre of the little town starts the month bare, but if you drop a sickle into the donation box at its base, you’re handed a tiny slip of parchment and encouraged to write something across it : a wish for the upcoming year, perhaps, or your happiest memory from the year past. the attending wix will give it a tap once you’ve finished and your parchment will fold itself into a neat origami creation, floating up to a place in the bough of the tree. by the end of the month, it’s often weighed down with these little parchment scraps - and parents often tell their children that if they scrawl a wish, it’ll almost assuredly come TRUE.

diagon alley is best known for its winter festival which takes over the street for the entire month. prices are hiked in the larger stores here ( go figure ), but luckily enough for anyone who doesn’t want to make the trek to hogsmeade, there is NO shortage of stalls along the street this time of year, selling everything you can think of - magical candles that’ll only ever smell like your favorite scent, gingerbread snacks in the shape of a number of different creatures, toy broomsticks, wooden nutcrackers that sing a little tune, hot butterbeer that doesn’t quite match madam rosmerta’s blend, you name it, it’s there ! there’s games, too, of course - snowball tosses, save the penguin stuck on an iceberg, a one time only snowman building competition on the sixteenth - though you’ll have to travel out to hogsmeade to ice skate if that’s your favorite holiday festivity. the leaky cauldron does a christmas dinner for the elderly and in need every single year, and usually, diagon alley feels more homely & KINDLY than ever at this time.

given the recent werewolf attack, there’s a rather somber air attached to it all - but a number of wix worked non-stop throughout november to ensure that the damaged stores ( including weasley’s wizard wheezes ) were all fixed up in time to be decorated. a plaque remembering the individuals who were killed was unveiled on the same evening that the christmas lights were turned on - a HUGE event in itself that families will turn out in entirety to watch, and that always coincides with the lights turning on in hogsmeade, godric’s hollow & a number of other wix / muggle settlements across the uk.

MALFOY MANOR, DECEMBER 24TH : the malfoy family christmas party is held annually on december 24th and in spite of the ‘midnight’ end, often runs well into the early morning. invites are sent out by owl on the first of the month, first to a number of influential families and then to, well... whoever’s left. all of the stops are usually pulled out - the manor is decorated to within an inch of its life ( with a christmas tree in every room open to the public ), the music is live and usually performed by someone who sounds wholly unlikely but certainly isn’t if you have enough money to throw at them, the food is prepared by the finest of chefs & there’s often so much expensive alcohol left at the open bars at the end of the night that the malfoy’s usually send people home with a bottle or two. the hosts are gracious and require nothing of ANYONE for entry other than the formal attire asked for and, if able, a small donation to the peacock academy, an institute for magical children overseas ( a well known for profit founded by abraxas malfoy and still, somehow, in the family ).

there’s always a theme for this sort of thing, and this year it’s a masquerade. masks are mandatory along with black tie, but don’t worry if you weren’t lucky enough to receive a handwritten invite - the malfoy’s don’t keep a guest list and usually end up with far more individuals attending than they pretend they planned for... though of course, it’s usually just another way to flex their wealth & importance, even after the war.

OUT OF CHARACTER :

we know that wix tend to go all out for their holiday season, so of course, december wouldn’t have been complete without some festivities to involve yourselves in and incorporate into threads ! the winter festival of diagon alley & the hogsmeade specific celebrations are monthlong, and any part of them can be used as potential settings for threads. given how quiet the month tends to be, having a setting moreso than an event was important !

the malfoy family christmas party - this year a masquerade ball hosted at the manor - is arguably the most ‘event like’ part of this whole thing, and everyone is encouraged to attend, even if you don’t initially imagine them receiving an invite ! gatecrashers aren’t really considered to be... gatecrashing, and as long as their requests of attendees are abided by, the malfoy’s never kick a fuss. just remember several rooms are off limits to the public !

much like mystery month itself, this event - most of which can be classed as a ‘setting’ rather than a standalone thing - will last the rest of december and should be considered ongoing until january first. the malfoy family christmas party, specifically, will officially begin on december 17th and run for two weeks. the start will be announced on the main and in the discord !

you are not under any obligation to pause any threads you currently have going, though we’ll likely take a vote on the sixteenth to decide whether people want threads to be paused for the party - it’ll be up to the masses !

event related starters ( including private ones ) should be tagged as nox.event010, and while the location for the masquerade will be ‘malfoy manor’, you have total freedom regarding every other possible starter you could post ! if you’re posting your outfits to the dash & not the discord channel, please tag them with nox.masquerade so we can see them !

if you have any questions or concerns please do not hesitate to message the main, and please reply with your favorite holiday song once you’ve read the post !

#nox.event010 #nox.masquerade #technically this shld have been posted on the 1st ... i dont want to talk abt it

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nobodyfamousposts · 4 years

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Miraculous Death Note

Now before I begin, the only real thing carrying over from Death Note is the Death Note itself.

Oh. And it’s going to be kind of dark. Which is a given, considering it DOES involve a Death Note.

DARKNESS LIES BEYOND THIS POINT!

It turns out that at some point shortly before the whole ��Hawk Moth” conflict, Plagg got a little petty at one point. Maybe he was jealous of all the attention Tikki was getting. Maybe he was annoyed with her attitude? Maybe they got into an argument and someone threw out an off-handed comment that Plagg can’t actually create anything except chaos and destruction?

To which Plagg replies: “WATCH ME!”

And thus Plagg, the kwami of destruction and bad luck managed to actually create something.

His creation just happened to be a Death Note. Which is naturally a source of chaos and destruction.

“Oops.”

He would never hear the end of it from Tikki or the others if they found out, so Plagg took it upon himself to quietly get rid of the cursed item.

But it’s Plagg, so he just sort of looks around briefly for anything that stands out before seeing a nearby river. He figures that’s about as good a place as any to ditch it. After all, the book is useless if it gets wet, right?

Now to be fair, it was a good idea. In theory. There were just a few minor details Plagg failed to take into account.

For one, they are already in Paris by this point, so the “river” in question happens to be the Seine. Which is a fairly popular and thus populated area.

For another, Plagg just dropped the Death Note from a height and flew off without checking to see where exactly the book landed.

In any other universe, the Death Note WOULD have landed in the Seine so this would all be a non-issue and thus much less interesting. But in THIS particular universe, a rather unlucky burst of wind hit at the right time and from the right direction just enough to send the Death Note landing on concrete instead of water.

“What’s this?”

And in front of an as of yet unaware soon to be owner of what might very well be the most dangerous artifact the world may never know.

Luka Couffaine was a normal teen. And an all around good guy. Certainly not someone with a god complex like another certain someone we could mention. Or two. Or three, if you count Kira.

As such, given that he is most certainly NOT a complete monster, when Luka found the Death Note and read through the rules, he did the relatively smart thing and promptly decided he was NOT messing with that. Nope. Not even going to test it “just to be sure”.

Of course, the word “relatively” is used because he doesn’t outright throw it in the Seine. To be fair, he wasn’t sure it could be destroyed and he was rather worried about what might happen if he should try. All the same, he wasn’t about to see it be used and possibly cause harm, even if by accident.

So instead, he put the thing in a box and hid it in his room, fully intent on ignoring its existence until he could find a more permanent place to hide it where it would never be used.

...that wasn’t to say he wasn’t tempted at times, though.

Like say, finding out his sister had been locked in a bathroom and cheated out of her place in her class picture because of a certain bully.

Or learning that said bully stole a Miraculous and almost crashed a train in order to show off.

Or dealing with his father in a more permanent fashion in case he ever tries to show his sorry face again.

Then there was this new girl who appeared. Lila Rossi.

He knew she was lying. Manipulating and enthralling everyone around her, including his own sister.

But every time, he held back. Always reminding himself of what was right or wrong. And in each instance, he always felt he made the right choice not to act, regardless of whether or not the Death Note would actually work.

The closest he had ever come to fully WANTING to use it was during the whole scandal with Bob Roth. Seeing XY taking credit for his music was bad enough. Seeing them also steal Marinette’s designs was somehow worse. But it was threatening her that made him see red and changed the melodies in his life into a discordant screech.

It was fortunate, perhaps, that he had been akumatized at that time. And it had all worked out, with everyone safe and the truth made known. He had even been able to confess his feelings to Marinette, something he had been wanting to do.

And he told himself that this was proof that things could work out. It was a sign that no Death Note was necessary. And furthermore that it should never be used.

...Then Miracle Queen happened.

That brat of a mayor’s daughter betrayed everyone. She agreed to help the madman terrorizing their city and willingly took on an akuma. She took control of everyone in the city, including himself. He only hoped Marinette had been spared, as what Miracle Queen had inflicted on him was not something he ever wanted her to have to experience.

But the worst part? Despite the chances Ladybug had given her, she had turned her back on the hero for her own selfish gain. And furthermore, she revealed every single Miraculous user Ladybug had ever called on for aid, forced them to fight for her, and had nearly gotten people killed. All for the sake of her own ego.

And not once had she shown any remorse.

He was angry, certainly.

He was tempted, yes.

And given how things turned out all right with Ladybug and Chat Noir winning in the end, he could very well have let it go just as he had with every other instance.

Except...

There was Marinette, breaking down in front of him. Looking lost and oh so pained by burdens she couldn’t share.

Except...

There was Marinette, sad and grieving after the events of that day, but unable to talk to him or anyone else about it.

Except...

There was Marinette, who right before his eyes disappeared in a burst of pink light only to be replaced with none other than Ladybug.

The hero of Paris who had put herself on the line for them all.

Who was so burdened by her role and responsibilities.

Who had lost what little support she’d had and now felt truly alone.

Marinette. Who was Ladybug. Who was Marinette. Who he loved.

Who was suffering because of that damn brat!

It was enough to break even the greatest of patience.

She betrayed everyone, he thought as he went to his room.

She stole the Miraculous twice, he thought as he reached his bed.

She’d created more akumas than any other person, he thought as he pulled out a simple-looking shoebox.

She willingly let herself be akumatized and tried to do it again, he thought as he opened the box.

She agreed to work with the one terrorizing the city, he thought as he took out the precious artifact inside.

She revealed the other Miraculous users and forced them to do her bidding, he thought as he took the book to his desk.

She had been tormenting everyone for years, he thought as he opened the book.

She hurt his sister, he thought as he grabbed a pen.

She hurt Marinette, he thought as he placed the pen to paper, marring the once clear and pristine page.

Honestly, he would be doing the world a favor.

She deserved this. If there was any justice...if ever he needed justification, surely this was more than enough.

And it would be for the best...it would be better for everyone...

...wouldn’t it?

He paused.

Could he really do this?

Real or not...could he live with himself if he actually tried this?

...

A single thought formed.

She made him hurt Marinette.

Within seconds, the first name was written in the book.

CHLOE BOURGEOIS

Little bumble bee, little bumble bee

Buzzing around, causing such a buzz

Let's see you be crushed by your dreams

He releases a breath, feeling a strange sense of relief.

Of course nothing happens.

Of course it was just a normal book.

Of course it doesn’t actually kill people.

Of course...

But at the very least, Luka no longer felt the rage.

He was still upset with Chloe, certainly. She was a vile person who had done horrible things. Hurt the city. Hurt Marinette. Time and time again. And despite all the second chances she had been offered and all the people who truly tried to help her, even defend her...even as she only hurt them in return.

It was such a waste.

At the very least, he’d gotten the feelings out and avoided being made into an akuma himself. It was too dangerous, especially with Hawk Moth being aware of his identity and even moreso with what he now knew about Ladybug.

About Marinette...

It was just a normal book. Nothing more. His writing a name and method of death hadn’t done anything. It just allowed him to vent and work out the stress. That was all, and that was even enough. But perhaps he should stick to music from here on out though.

Because a book couldn’t kill people. That was just silly.

And when Luka learned a few days later that Chloe Bourgeois suddenly died when that stupid bee signal of hers was to be replaced with a fancier version by her demand, and that new one accidentally fell on her?

Surely it was just coincidence.

#ml fic #ml crossover #death note #bad things happen #ml dark #dark luka #miracle queen spoilers #miracle queen aftermath #some people are still angry about that

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mprosperossprite · 3 years

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I Made Stuff in 2020

Shoutout to @nevermindirah for the tag

Rules: It’s time to love yourselves! Choose your 5 favorite works (fics, art, edits, etc.) you’ve created this year and link them below to reflect on the amazing things you’ve brought into the world in 2020. If you don’t have five published works, that’s fine! Include ideas/drafts/whatever you like that you’ve worked on/thought about, and talk a little about them instead! Remember, this is all about self-love and positive enthusiasm, so fuck the rules if you need to. Have fun, and tag as many fellow creators as you like so they can share the love! <3

In 2020 I re-watched Leverage, which led me to tumblr, which led me to seeing these posts about this movie The Old Guard, which led me to watch one of the best films I’ve ever seen, which led me to AO3, which led me to discord. Before falling down The Old Guard rabbit hole, I hadn’t written fanfiction since 2012. Unsurprisingly, a lot has changed since 2012 for me and for the internet. For the first time since my participation in internet fandom, I feel like I’ve found a community online and that is probably the big theme of this post: making for each other has been an absolute joy in an otherwise pretty shit year.

This is not really a year in review, so much as a last two months review (my first fic of the year was published on November 2nd) but it’s been a utterly delightful and impactful couple of months, so here we are. On to the fics!

1. The Sport of Bright Steel - This was the fic that started it all. Someone on the Old Guard kinkmeme prompted a Joe/Nicky fic from the POV of their swords and I sat down on my couch one Saturday morning and an hour later had a lil piece of fanfiction all written out. And then I panicked that it was terrible and weird and so posted it anonymously to the kinkmeme. And then someone in the discord rec-ed it in the fanfic channel and then I dusted off my old AO3 account and posted for the first time in 8 freaking years.

2. Our Toil Shall Strive to Mend - This was my second foray back into fanfic (once again, inspired by a kinkmeme prompt), and the first multi-chaptered fic I ever wrote. Big manly man with tiny human? I am weak. I love all of the Old Guard characters, but I think Booker will forever be my favorite to explore in fic. Unlike the others, Booker is a reluctant soldier and much of his pain comes from losing his identity as a husband and father. This fic asks what if Booker’s path to healing comes in the form of fatherhood? Writing the last chapter made me cry happy-sad tears for him.

3. The Perfect Shot - From the idea that both snipers and photographers are in search of “the perfect shot” came this delightfully silly little fic. Nicolo di Genova, sniper and international man of mystery, knows one damn pun/pick-up line and just so happens to find the one man (Joe, photojournalist) whom it works on hook-line-sinker. Everything about this is fun and makes me happy. Never in a million year would I have written this, if not for a very silly post on this website that someone on discord suggested as a Joe/Nicky prompt. Inspiration strikes in the most unexpected of ways. And I fucking love puns, y’all.

4. This Rough Magic - Nicky is a selkie who accidentally get himself married to unsuspecting, marine scientist Joe and it might be my favorite thing I’ve written all year. It’s a story about identity and the unexpected and being willing to take a leap of faith. This fic would not have happened without the discord, and made me so so grateful and happy to be creating with other people and as part of a community. The joy of fanfic is that it is freely created and given, and I never would have dared to write this story without the inspiration, support, and enthusiasm from internet friends.

5. Bring the World Back into Tune - aka my Book of Nile opus, still a work in progress. Technically it’s a Hades/Persephone fusion, but really it’s about finding family, finding healing, and finding love, about making meaningful choices despite whatever fate or the supernatural has in mind. I fell into Book of Nile because who they are beyond being immortal has so much in common: growing up basically ghettoized in a country that doesn’t give a damn about you, fighting for an imperial army because there were no other viable choices, knowing the pain of missing 1st families. In Bring the World Back into Tune I love that I get to explore what it means to be fated for something (they’ve become Hades and Persephone without realizing it, in addition to the whole immortal thing), and also what it means to still get to choose how you arrive at and cope with that fate. Very few people are reading this on AO3, but it’s something I love working on and through because the characters and ideas are so compelling.

Honorable Mention: Leaving AO3 Comments - One of my greatest joys this year has been in giving to others the kind of love and support I’ve received as a person who makes stuff on the internet. I love leaving AO3 comments, and applying my English major brain to what I’m reading. The things we love most are deserving of our critical attention, including and especially fanfiction. I’ve met fandom soul-mates in the AO3 comments and befriended authors. In response to a shitty anon comment on another fic, I crafted what might be my fanfic manifesto: why fanfic is the heir of western storytelling moreso than our popular media and why the “expectedness” of fanfic is in fact its greatest feature, not it’s biggest flaw. It is A+ work, if I do say so myself.

None of this would have been possible without the internet (the kinkmeme, tumblr, discord, and of course AO3) and, perhaps more importantly, without the great, supportive Old Guard fan communities. Thank you for the beautiful fic and stunning art. For the thoughtful meta and funny headcanons. For the cheering and screaming and encouragement. For the kudos and comments. We make for ourselves and each other and that’s a truly remarkable thing.

Thanks to @hyper-fixate @sweetlyenchains and many others for being so lovely and kind and making my 2020 better with The Old Guard fic and art and thinking and community. If y’all are inspired to do this year end recap too (whether tagged or not), please tag me! I’d love to read about your triumphs too!

#the old guard #fanfic #writing #fandom friends #tog #tog fic #fic rec #book of nile #joe x nicky

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levyfiles · 4 years

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I want to start a shyan blog but I’m so scared because I don’t know how Shane and Ryan actually feel about it which makes me nervoussssssss help

Ohhh boy, brace yourself, nonnyhunny. I’ve got some word vomit for ya

To start off with, I just want anyone and everyone who is currently new to navigating this terrain we call the internet to know one thing and that is this one very important concept. Embrace your own insignificance! The internet is a big place. I once read a post on here that encouraged new users to think of Tumblr itself like you’re walking into a Walmart. You’re not here to make friends and you’re not here to shop for everyone else; you’re filling your own cart with the things you need and like and if someone comes along and takes a long good look at the things in your cart and says, “WOAH there, eating trans fats is unhealthy for you! I never eat trans fats because of a big list of reasons! Stop buying trans fats!!” you’re gonna be both puzzled and annoyed because it’s your cart, your Walmart experience; why the hell do they care what you’re gonna get?

However! I get it, the internet is now comprised of six different websites/apps and if you’re on there, there is no way to avoid or curate a completely ideal sense that you’ve made a space that’s all your own. There are going to be people who disagree with you, people who decide they don’t like what you do, but ultimately, in the midst of all that, you’re going to find people who feel the same in whatever regard you express yourself and that’s why it’s important to just express yourself because otherwise you’re going to develop a lot of disingenuous connections with people who would likely try to ruin your life if you disagree with them on some subject or other.

Now with that whole disclaimer in mind, I also understand where you’re coming from. Putting myself in the shoes of someone just trying to participate in a new fandom where there is a lot of contention among the masses about the rights and wrongs of RPF and whether the concept fits in with a philosophical debate about human nature and the way we interact with each other, witness each other’s journeys. That’s simply it, however; it’s an ongoing debate and where philosophy and debate are concerned, I always hold the belief that an individual’s right to ground themselves and say “These are the principles I wish to abide by” is sacred and ultimately, no amount of anonymous hatred or shrieking messages of outrage is gonna change that until you yourself decide that the principle isn’t working for you personally. My principle is that it’s fiction; an AU to explore as valid and sweet to me as demon!Shane headcanons are, but moreso because I identify with queer love stories and friendships forged by strangely deep similarities and complementing souls. I also love personalities like theirs, love the idea of said friendship and what it would bring to a story about two human beings who meet by happenstance and end up building something world-changing together. Still, because I am just a writer and a consumer of media, that’s the nicest thing I can give myself, a fictional account of these things while witnessing the real version happen in parallel. I get to celebrate in the overlap of similarities the real world and my fictional account take and watch it inspire my friends and mutuals to build their own universes and it’s beautiful.

With that point being made, I also understand the reason a lot of people are nervous about being open about shipping. The backlash from a bunch of strangers seems to take on a note that would make even the nicest person sound like a puritan about to hold some extravagant witch trials. Nothing more interesting than a person claiming to do good in the world using words like “exterminate” “cleanse” or my personal favourite “purge”. I’ve read rumours being spread about shippers that take on their own life especially because it’s human nature to let other people handle the research; it’s human nature to just take a believable narrative at face value. One rumour being that shippers of this fandom write stories where we kill off Shane and Ryan’s significant others. Myself and my friends who are avid readers of the ao3 tag know that that hasn’t been the case since 2016/17 and by all accounts, I have yet to find the fic where this happens (barring a tinsworth fic I’ve only heard about). Mind you, not many of us check out Wattpad but even there it’s more self-insert friendly with themes I can’t even stomach.

Which leads me to the last point and the main reason you sent this ask, I’m assuming. Ryan and Shane’s personal thoughts on the issue. Now, it behooves me to supply screenshots and proof when I make a claim but let’s consider if instead from the perspective of two adult men who have operated online far longer than a lot of their audience. Given that I am the same age as Shane, I know what the internet used to look like and how far it’s come and RPF is not a brand new thing neither did it pop up out of nowhere when One Direction debuted. And just like fanfiction in and of itself had its pushback from media because of its demographic and absolutely because of its queer-leanings, RPF appears to get a lot of that same energy, but it’s not an inherently toxic past time. Much like any fandom activity, it can get bad because fandom is not a monolith; it’s a bunch of individuals enjoying a medium in the ways they have learned to. You’re gonna get some individuals who “do it wrong” and some who do it differently, but ultimately, just like the forums and the reddit threads Shane and Ryan trawl in their past time, there are circles you learn not to veer into and terms you learn to blacklist/block/mute. With that being an indication of where they’re coming from as internet creators, I am confident when I say that, as long as it’s not being mailed to them, linked or quoted at them, they don’t care. They would know something that gets popular on the internet summons a brand of transformative art and fiction but much like they tend to ignore thirst tweets in their mentions or the repetitive requests for the same things over and over. They’d see it and gloss right over it. Shane is the type who writes long essays on reddit addressing the things that bother him, Ryan is weird and vocal and an oversharer sometimes when it comes to things Shaniacs say to him (i.e. that Voice he did for the occasional Shaniac who approaches him). It’s just one of the incarnations of fandom that they choose not to engage with, which, good? Because it’s a fan-specific activity. Once in a while you get a creator who wants to interact with fanfiction and it goes sideways because not all stories are written for them, much like not all fanart is made with the mindset to share with them.

It’s just a regular old fan interaction and community habit that builds bigger followings.

All in all, I’m not gonna tell you what to do. Unless you mean to be in their @’s all the time or link them on discord, or put any of your content in their hands, they are not going to see it. They don’t care. What they do care about is that you’re watching, that you support them and send them encouragement because they’re creating their own medium of content and a bigger following means more people get to see it and extract something positive from it.

#shyan #discourse #Anonybae

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coastaldragon · 3 years

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Dragon Diary 1/7/21

So...this is my resolution for the year.

I wanted to start a kin-related diary. I found myself missing how often I used to muse about myself and my experiences here, and have long since felt...detached from myself. Stuck in the loop of going through the motions of “human.”

A week late on my first entry, but so it goes.

These entries will just be flow-of-consciousness blabbles for the most part. I’ll talk about any kin-related thoughts I’ve had that day, how I’ve been feeling, how my otherkinity has affected my day, etc.

I have a lot of catching-up to do with you all, so the first few entries may seem disjointed and a little long. Lets get started. This is long. And a bit negative. But hopefully they won’t all be.

cw for death and drug mention and health talk like needles and stuff

I don’t quite remember why I dropped Tumblr like I did. I think I was getting annoyed at all the UI changes, and just overall very busy with “real life.” These things happen. I slowly drift away from a platform. Sometimes for weeks, months, or years in this case. Then I’ll drift back. Kind of like a scrap of wood on the waves.

In the time I’ve been gone life has been...interesting. The source of the stress that caused me to awaken in the first place is gone. He OD’d in...2014? 2015? Some time around there. My grasp of time is worse than ever.

We hadn’t even known he’d be using anything. Turned out he was stealing my late father’s remaining fentanyl supply. One of those guys who preys on widows like my mother. He lied about everything. His entire past as we knew it was a lie. And he was just leeching off of us.

It was...hard. I was the one who found his body upon getting home from work. My mother is still traumatized, even now. Even after all he did. She did love him.

I think all that hardened me quite a bit. And I’m sad for it. I’m still trying to soften myself again, but my trust has never been shattered like that before or since.

My now health is...poor. I had a great job working at an independent pack-and-mail sort of place for a few years. Very laid back, when the customers were nice. Helped me build a lot of strength and muscle. Quite enjoyed showing off by hefting 50lb boxes onto my shoulders. Helped me feel less weak in this squishy human body of mine.

But about...2 or 3 years ago [again, time is a myth to my brain] I woke up and my shoulders were just.

Locked.

It felt like someone had stuck paint spanners under my shoulder blades or something. Not only that, but I was weak. I barely had the strength in my arms to lift a half gallon of milk in the morning.

We thought I’d just hurt myself showing off, somehow. So we gave it some time. Took ibuprofen, used pain creams. Took a few days off work.

But it didn’t get better. It got painful. And the moreso. And moreso. And then my back began to have trouble as well. It was spreading. I felt...ill.

So. Doctors. Tests. More bloodwork than I’ve ever had in my entire life. [10 vials at once for one appt!]

My primary, who is a garbage person I never wish to see again, insisted it was just a sprain. Or something. Whatever. But I knew it wasn’t. My mother knew it wasn’t. Everyone I knew knew it wasn’t.

Specialist time! At the behest of my cousin, who has a litany of autoimmune disorders, we hooked up with a rheumatologist. Who I will call Dr.M.

Dr.M is an angel on Earth. I am convinced of it. A full year he spent with me, ordering tests, trying treatments, working with me to figure out what the hell was going on. And we did. And what a mouthful it is.

Ankylosing spondylitis. No, it’s not a dinosaur. [Though I do think I’m ‘hearted for ankylosaurines...I don’t think it’s related lol!]

You can look it up if you like. But basically: My immune system is fucking crazy and attacks all the things. Most places describe it as being a lower spine disorder, and while that is certainly where its centralized in most folks, that’s not all it is.

For example mine is, obviously, centralized in my shoulders and upper back. But it does aaaaaaaaaaall sorts of crazy shit. Every day is different. Joint pain, exhaustion, GI trouble, stomach upset, lack of appetite, murderous migraines. The usual for an autoimmune illness. But also wacky shit like costochondritis [painful inflammation of the cartilage of the ribs], random organ inflammation like in my kidneys [not fun], lungs [I had a 3-month stint of chronic bronchitis last winter], and even my heart [very not fun.] Sometimes it likes to attack my “integumentary system” aka shit like my skin and hair meaning I’ll have weeks where my hair just. Sheds. Like a damn cat. It gets everywhere and w/ my long-ass quarantine hair it’s so annoying.

This attack dog immune system does mean it’s unlikely for me to catch little bugs like your common colds and stuff, which is appreciated. But it also likes to maul anything else it deems foreign. Like medication! I took Humira shots for a few months and had a “paradoxical reaction” aka it did the literal opposite of what it was meant to, because the injections pissed off my immune system so much it went scorched-earth on whatever it could. Mostly my thighs, since that’s where the injections were. I still get stabbing pain in them and it’s been over a year. [No, I don’t think I can sue Humira over this. Though I have discussed it w/ my Dr.]

This also means that if I do get sick, it’s bad news. Something strong and unique like COVID? Death. Deaaaaaaaaath. Would likely trigger something called a “cytokine storm” aka my immune system nukes everything and my organs die and so do I.

So guess whoooooooo’s been locked up at home for almost a full year now? :’)

I luckily am able to work from home, though it barely pays the bills, and my health has suffered from a lack of being able to Do Stuff I normally would.

As a result I decided to get back in touch with myself.

It started with Second Life, because of course it did. A new dragon avatar came out. Shiny and mesh and easy [by SL standards] to modify. So me and a few friends [some kin, some not] made a group for sharing stuff for the av and just hanging out. It’s fallen by the wayside unfortunately but those nights spent chilling in SL with a bunch of other dragons roaring and goofing off felt really really good.

And then I made a kin Twitter. [And found some exceptionally cool kinfolk in the process.]

Then came Othercon the virtual otherkin convention and OtherConnect, the Discord spawned from the community that rapidly formed within the con. Othercon felt incredible. Panels and lectures about the history of otherkinity and alterhumanity and how we are today and rep in the media and just so! Much! Cool! Stuff! And tons of great kinfolk too!

To not only be within a community but seeing others like me and speaking with them, not just typing back at words on a screen. It was...so very, very reaffirming. It felt like a second awakening almost. I wanted to cry for finally, truly not feeling alone.

And now I’m here. Because I need to be. Because something, deep down, is telling me I’m going to be needing myself sometime soon. So I’d better get started.

I hope I don’t drift away on the tide again. I’ve missed this site, worse for wear as it is.

But I’m a bit tired today. A nasty headache lingering from yesterday’s nastier flare up. Accursed cold fronts. I used to enjoy them but not so much these days. Ah well.

I know there wasn’t much kin talk in this first entry, but as I said, we had a lot of catching-up to do!

#Diary 2021 #dragonkin #otherkin #I'll tag these for now but if folks would rather I didn't I'll keep them to myself. :>

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doubt-is-the-origin-of-wisdom · 4 years

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Trixter mentioned being unsure if they were truely multiple or if they are essentially sectioning off part of themself.

I don't feel it it my place to try to address that for them, nor do i really have the knowledge to do so even if they wanted, as i am not in their head.

But what they said did get me thinking about us. I will work... not quite chronologically, but vaguely so.

So I'll begin at when Trixter brought up having aspects. Always defined as a sort of... part of them but also in a way seperate. So not alters as the word is typically used, though i must say that there is a type of multiplicity that accounts for minimal separation. I will find the graphic if i can after i write this.

But yes, Trixter sharing that with us is really what made roan start to actually look at the rest of us. Not just sometimes feel us then pretend like it didn't happen, or at least didn't feel like it wasn't quite them.

And when they began accepting our presence... they didn't feel like we were really seperate from them either. Well. They did think i was, at least moreso than the others.

My theory on why they saw us as perhaps states of being, but not beings in ourselves, is that we... werent really able to be.

Up until this point, we were discouraged from existing at all. The few times (i believe) any of us controlled the body was... misunderstood (sometimes intentionally so) to the degree that i still don't know if it was one of us or roan.

It is still difficult to tell which of us perhaps encouraged certain events to happen because... roan would not recognize us, not really, and certainly didn't care to recognize distinctions between us.

That changed eventually, obviously. It first began to change when roan moved out of their parents house. There is still... a degree of restriction, certainly, from kelly. But nowhere to the degree it was.

Moving out allowed them to begin to... look at us. Sort of. To hear me when i couldn't help but say how srupid they were being. Um, chain and i are the only ones we can even maybe remember something of before roan moving out. Well. Blacklight as well. I am still unsure about them so I'll mostly be ignoring them in this.

I think fox was too scared to do anything and... well life just didn't feel the need to. And obviously they were unwanted so why would they push?

Once roan was out of that house they slowly started to be able to... recognize us. They still didn't know us (and as i will get to later, we also didn't know ourselves really), but they knew my chastisement wasn't from the same source as chains rage, even if it was at the same thing.

Then when trixter shared their aspects with us, it allowed roan to gather the courage to actually confront and try to understand us.

In the start of that? There wasn't much to see. Id said we didn't really know ourselves and that is true.

They tried to ask us things. Who we were. We had no idea how to answer. We'd never been able to discover that for ourselves, so how would we know? When Trixter named us, the names felt right. So then we had that, at least.

But then roan was curious for Quite A While. Are we really just... sort of altered expressions of them? Or are we our own people. We certainly had no idea at the time. And even now, while we have an answer, it isn't simple, nor can we be certain.

What I'd say now? Is that we are separate people (or whatever). But that may not have always been the case. And it may be that if roan hadnt proceeded how they did, maybe we wouldn't have developed to be as individual as we are now.

How they proceeded was this. They were trying so hard to get themself together. Which, while not a bad thing to do, wasn't fueled by only great reasons. And they felt an urgency. To get their shit together as fast as they could.

So they were really obnoxious about trying to figure us/them out. Maybe that wasn't bad, but it was tiring. They'd never asked me about things before. I only ever pushed if i had a solution that they were trying to ignore. And then they started asking me questions i had no answer to.

Like who am I? Do i actually have any connection to Odin? Who is fox? What about the rest? Are we just part of them? Were we always here? If we formed at some point, why? Was it coping bc of ralphs shit? Was it coping because they were lonely?

I was always pertty sure the answer to the last question was no, considering we couldn't help when they'd have needed us for lonelyness reasons. For everything else though, i didn't know, and i didn't know how to find out. And i had to say that.

I hate that.

Fox was the first to... come into themself properly. They were really lonely. Even before the break up. They needed to talk to people as them. They didn't want to talk as roan because they wanted someone to care about then. And... especially when they felt like Trixter didn't really?

Even though they weren't going to try to die neccessarily... they probably essentially would have if roan had taken too long to let fox talk to people. They didn't, obviously.

I am actually quite... happy. With how roan handled themself after the breakup. I tried not to coach them unelss they needed me to. And it turned out i didn't need to.

But to the point, they pretty much immediately encouraged fox to talk to people on discord with their own avatar and name.

With time, as fox came into themself more, they started coming out and doing things. Which, as it happens, they love doing. So they did it alot.

During this time, roan was engaging with all of us more. They asked us all to come out at some point.

It took a while for each of us to come into ourselves. Arguably, we still are. Perhaps life and i more than the others, at least when it comes to physically existing.

I do think roan could have lived their entire life, even having stopped trying to ignore us, as seeing us as just... sort of estranged parts of themself. And i don't know that they would have been incorrect to do so.

Lifes idea of... well... life makes sense to me. I think its plausible that whatever makes us up is a part of roan. I dont think everyone has... other... living persons (or whatever) as part of them. And i think many that do may simply never experience a sequence of events tbat would arouse those parts into.... more consciousness.

And outside of simple conscience, developing something as... intricate as a personality? Or, maybe not even developing but... rebooting? Remembering isnt quite right but i don't know a word that fits quite right.

I don't know that that could have ever happened without having space for us to physically exist and interact with, even if its confined mostly to one house and constricted time wise, it still feels like that was important.

I think... ill go back over that list of questions. And answer what i can, as well as i can, now.

Who am I? I'm Third.

Do i actually have any connection to Odin? I still hate not knowing and not knowing how to find out...

Who is fox? An entirely too loveable idiot.

What about the rest? Well Chains a cunt. Life is strange, not in a bad way, but they are perhaps the least developed (perhaps B is but i dont want to delve into them) and they are... elusive at times.

Are we just part of them? Hmm... perhaps. But i wouldn't say just part of them. I don't think it is as simple as Same or Other, and especially not in the past, even just a handfull of months ago. But now, certainly, we each are ourself, and i still would say that in a way we are part of them. Not because we are them, though.

Were we always here? I think so. I dont know for sure, but i believe our... essense was. Though perhaps our conscienceness had to be woken.

If we formed at some point, why? Was it coping bc of ralphs shit? I think coping with that could easily have been the catalyst for waking us. I can't say for sure, though.

Was it coping because they were lonely? Still probably not.

And finally i want to address that roan has always said i felt different from the others. That it is easier for me to conceal my thoughts and feelings in their entirety from the rest. I do not know why this is. I have thoughts, but none i am confident enough in to state here.

#08:54 #9-21-20 #for posterity

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illlogicals · 4 years

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☆ﾟ*・ﾟWOAH is that BRANDON SHAPIRO ? i’ve heard they’re a DARK WITCH working here as a SECURITY GUARD. they came here because HE NEEDED A PROPER JOB AFTER HIS ‘ACCIDENT’ and they’ve been working here for A LITTLE OVER HALF A year. as a 29 / 29 year-old, i’m sure they’re skilled. someone told me they’re IRRESPONSIBLE & UNTRUSTWORTHY but i think they’re RESOURCEFUL & AMBITIOUS. i can’t help but think of A PERSONAL COLLECTION OF SPEEDING TICKETS, A HISTORY OF BAD DECISIONS, AND CONSTANTLY BRUISED FLESH when i look at them.

no. you aren’t going blind. I did actually finish an intro for once.

imma try to keep this super short n’ brief because knowing me I’ll probably end up changing little details here and there as I develop brandon more. theres a TLDR at the bottom. im a lazy b-tch so i would skip to that first.

da basics

brandon shapiro is a 29 year old dark witch from ipswich, massachusetts. reigns from a long line of (mostly) dark witches so forgive him for having the ‘im a pureblood’ type attitude. baby boy’s an east coast blue blood. he thrives in making himself high and mighty when he’s got the $$$, the name, and charm to back it up.

moving onnnn and skipping over his childhood because that’s pretty much irrelevant, when brandon started developing into darker magic more he started obtaining ‘friends’ that would constantly bring him into these sketchy situations. eventually he would consider himself a witch for a hire because that’s pretty much what he was before even knowing about elysium.

he’s spent time in his late teens/ early twenties living in los angeles, new orleans, boston, seattle, and other various places in the states depending on whatever job he had. these were normally gigs to help break into museums, banks, jewelers, etc. but then there would be jobs deeper into the dark web which brandon and his band of idiot money crazed googlies didn’t think would ever be too ridiculous for them since the more dangerous the job the better the payout. which brandon doesn’t need, it’s moreso the thrill. an adrenaline junkie.

his last job, before everything went to complete shit, required brandon and his friends to get involved in pulling a spell against a casino table for their buyer to have his pickings win in his favor. this ended up going on for two nights before brandon ( and apparently only brandon ) got caught by the attention of some supernatural mob boss who just so happened to own one of the combo casino/hotels on the vegas strip.

to compromise, you know to not be murdered for cheating, brandon agreed to work for these people for free and offer up the names of his old comrades so the mob could have good faith that these terrible, awful, and manipulative people would never come back again. brandon loves his life and will pick it every time. he doesn’t know what happened to his old friends nor does he really care to find out.

he’s been living in miami for the last two years under the mob doing way risker jobs with very little payback. which has to be karma for giving up his friends but he’s not one to ponder his faults. anywayssss, his official last job ended up getting him arrested due to some unfortunate circumstances. turns out there were people watching brandon ever since he landed in miami. he was being watched, and watched, and watched and they finally caught up to him. and you know what this fool did? gave up information to them about the mob he was working for and where they could find these people if they ever wanted to focus their attention on the real criminals. the agreement ended up with allowing brandon to sort of walk free as long as he does his part in not falling back into the old ways he’s grown stupid to.

originally he was going to move back to massachusetts, but he ended up crossing paths with someone who knew of a place he could work at if he was ever interested. turns out it was a school in new york. and while brandon managed to enjoy life everywhere else, he figured new york would be a piece of cake.

TLDR. homie is a dark witch with a rich family. he got into shady business as he started developing his powers more and that lead him to be caught by a supernatural mob boss and then later eventually people who wanted to take said mob boss down. he took a plea both times he was confronted by these people, offering extange of information for his life, and once that part of his life was over he met someone who worked at elysium and they told him about the school. now he’s here trying to live a normal life.

connections

brandon has been at elysium since september/october-ish. I’m open to all connections but there is a very important one that I need filled and it just has to be the person who met brandon while was in miami and told him about the school. they’d primarily would be the reason why he moved to new york and possibly his first friend around here yada yada. I need this. halp me.

then of course all the regular schmegluar friends, enemies, and eventually fwbs. I say eventually beause b’s a little too fresh to getting him caught up so early on not that that stopped him from banging diego in the back of some city bar. and I’ll be doing a plotting call for him eventually. so keep an eye out for that.

etc

SO YA. this is brandon. im having him not really tell people too much about this little secret life prior to the school. he’s definitely going around telling people that he got into a really bad accident while being a firefighter in seattle. sorry this intro sucked. I’m awful at doing these !!!

i’ll be on discord for most of the afternoon while I order pizza and watch trolls 2 with my younger cousin. wholesome content from your dear ol vic.

#elysium:intro #‘ 𝐁𝐑𝐀𝐍𝐃𝐎𝐍 𝐒𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐈𝐑𝐎 ∕ 𝚊𝚋𝚘𝚞𝚝

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consequencesofargentdawn · 5 years

Text

My experience as a Grim Gest member from 2017-2018

I don't necessarily want you to post this as the screenshots I have would not only eliminate my anonymity but also don't carry enough weight on their own to be really effective in showing their deplorability. However, I'm fine with you guys posting the one screenshot I linked if you want because it showcases the ridiculing of a previous member. That being said the image is from November 2017 so I don't know if you do. I moreso want to share my experience being in the Grim Gest from roughly November 2017- March 2018.

I joined their ranks because I'm incredibly fond of the undead in WoW, and for the most part had a lot of fun roleplaying with them. For all their OOC faults I do truly think that they're decent roleplayers IC. The first few months were fine. I got to know the active members and had a lot of fun, but after a while of being in the guild we got a new member who was rping a dark ranger. A lot of us really disliked him as he constantly used the "I'm a dark ranger" card to silence other guilds and members, acting like his character was more important. He constantly used anti-living godmotes in his rp, famously doing a Sylvanas banshee scream in a campaign that he said would "deafen any living who could hear it" and as a result pissed off a lot of other horde members ic and ooc. A lot of us wanted him to tone it down, but Morsteth repeatedly defended the rp saying it was good and that he really liked the character. One day however (I forget what he did) the guy was removed from the guild as the officers persuaded Morsteth to kick him. Morsteth then decided to do a complete 180 on his opinions of him, and kept saying "I don't know what I was thinking that guy was awful" going as far as to eventually compile every cringey thing the guy had said ooc (shown below):

and posting it presumably in the vile PCU discord. I thought it was funny at the time but ultimately it was pretty much a character assassination of this guy.

Later on I noticed in their discord a lot of onesided political discussions taking place, one of which was on the topic of white privilege and black lives matter. I argued with Morsteth and co. about it for about a day and was essentially ganked over my opinion. Morsteth became pretty upset with the argument and stripped me of my roles, restricting me to typing in a "Toxic Lair" channel, telling me that he would talk to other officers and decide my fate once he was home despite having heard the "ooc is ooc and ic is ic" meme. That night I received an apology from Morsteth telling me "Alright, basically it comes down to our personal argument and I think we both should have left it earlier, so it's not a one-sided thing so I don't really have a reason to "hate" you or ban you from the guild as you didn't do anything wrong. Just typed some mong stuff in my personal opinion." he even admitted to "blowing [the argument] out of proportions" and apologised for putting me into the lair channel. I was a bit sceptical of this and had been having a hard time irl, but eventually I said I would stick with the guild instead of leaving.

Afterwards a lot of the members were a bit quieter with me, I was ignored frequently and was feeling strange about the whole thing. During this period I became pretty depressed and started to talk to one of the high ranking but not officer members who had been in the guild for ages. He was pretty chill and offered me a lot of advice in dealing with things, and I refrained from talking about my sadness in guild chat, only speaking to this one guy on days I felt awful. Time passed as normal in the guild, but as it did I got a little more bored with WoW. Content had slowed down and my schoolwork was catching up with me so I had informed the guild that I would be more inactive as I had school stuff to deal with. I had also made the apparent mistake to gush about my excitement at the introduction of dark iron dwarves and void elves to the alliance, saying that I was going to make one. Over the next three months my sub died, and to fill gaps of boredom I played other games that I happened to own instead of wasting money on a sub I wouldn't fully use. After 3 months inactivity I was kicked which honestly is fair enough. I asked why I was removed and I was told that it was the inactivity and also because I was apparently becoming alliance in bfa despite never explicitly deciding to do that or saying I would. I explained that I wasn't intending to play alliance and that I had been busy as my exams were coming up, but Morsteth told me that I had been playing games that weren't WoW in my freetime, but in reality I'm prone to leaving the launchers open for games sometimes. I convinced him that I'd sub back in a week once my exams finished and I attended a few rp events and spoke in discord frequently.

Exactly a week after I was invited back I saw that Morsteth was insulting some guy by calling him a soyboy. I asked why he used that insult when there was little evidence linking soy with femininity or emasculation, cited a few credible sources and was met with "my brother works in chemistry and he says its uncertain if it does impact men or not". I naturally thought this defence was ridiculous and argued with him that he didn't have any credible sources, resulting in his enragement at the fact that I believed his brother wasn't knowledgeable about the chemistry of soy. I saw how the argument was going to go and decided to halt it, apologising for arguing with him and stopping the conversation, he hesitantly agreed and saw that we didn't need to argue about it. A few minutes later I spied a Morsteth is typing in the chat, and quickly typed something along the lines of "dude if this is a 3 page rebuttal to the argument that we stopped telling me about how I'm wrong I swear to god dude" and seconds after sending this he posted two paragraphs of soy information trying to disprove me. Likely consumed by rage at this point he quickly typed "ok that's it" and booted me from the guild. I pmed him saying "are you this pissed over a fucking argument? You wanted me gone a while ago, come on be honest dude" to which he replied "you dont see it yourself but ur basically an edgy teenage jerk that rly annoys people to no end while contributing nothing to the guild, so just please stay with elder scrolls online" followed up with "you are annoying dude not just to me". Then he blocked me, and I was incredibly upset. I was so annoyed that I had spent a year in this guild for it to be over because he couldn't man up and shake hands over a soy argument. In my anger, I made a video of the image with Why can't we be friends playing in the background and uploaded it to my channel, titling the video "The Grim Gest in a Nutshell".

I was pmed later on by his lackey Seth (who I've seen on here being victimised by the guild, how ironic) who told me multiple times that I was the one in the wrong, that I was an idiot, that I was actively making the guild worse being in it and that I would never find a good guild again as I had messed up with the GG. This did nothing but piss me off further but I got over it after a long time. I left the horde as a whole and faction changed my undead to alliance, no longer wanting to play on a side populated by arguably deplorable people. I stayed in contact with one of their Officers who thought it was extreme for me to be kicked over the argument, he tried to convince Morsteth that it was a rash decision but told me that I'd probably never be invited back which I was fine with. I began rping on the alliance and managed to avoid a lot of drama in the next month before seth messaged me again.

I got a message telling me that I needed to take down my video immediately. Apparently when Morsteth tried to show another guild footage from a past pvp event he told them to search up the Grim Gest on youtube, and my video was the first to appear. I was told by Seth that if I didn't remove the video the Grim Gest alongside the other PCU guilds would mass flag every video on my channel (which I don't really care about). I told Seth that I didn't care at all, and if he wanted to flag me then he could go ahead. I messaged my officer friend who told me that Paingriever and Morsteth were attempting to compile all the dirt they had on me and make an equally defaming video despite me only posting a selfie into the discord and perhaps once or twice saying that I was depressed in discord, there was really zero dirt to find on me. I told Seth that if Morsteth wanted to talk to me he should do it himself, and got no response and remained blocked on discord by the baron. Eventually I was convinced by my officer friend that it was probably the right thing to do to move on and delete the video, but with all the utter bullshit I've seen on forums from Morsteth, alongside the COAD posts that showcase his idiotic shenanigans I felt like I had to get this off my chest.

A final meme comes from a campaign I took part in, where some dwarves were swearing excessively IC. I almost fell off my chair when I saw several Grim Gest members saying that it was making them feel uncomfortable despite a long running meme in their discord being an emote that read "unsafe" being posted whenever someone swore, it was explained to me that they had a member who always complained that swearing made her feel unsafe, and after she left they used it sarcastically at any complaints made about swearing.

In short; I utterly detest Morsteth and the rest of the PCU, these guilds are the reason that I don't rp undead anymore, which greatly upsets me as they remain my favorite race in the Horde. Perhaps once they mess up hard enough and are punished I might finally be able to play the race that I love, but that seems like an impossible future.

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maximvms-blog · 5 years

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HEY HOW’S IT GOIN’ GUYS. it’s ya girl aura and i’m back for veritas: quarter quell edition ! i’m a 20 year old garbage can ( she / her or they / them pronouns plz ) from pst timezone. as you can clearly see, i am a mess, but i’m here to have fun and get to know all of you guys !! i can’t WAIT to unlock the mysteries of this rp, and i know for a fact its going to actually destroy me, so heads up: i’m diagnosed babey and cry over everything all the time. that being said, i also love pain so while i may be crying, i am also THRIVING !! i’m also an artist so i hope ya’ll are ready for me to occasionally draw the shenanigans that happen here. it’s gonna be a TIME !

anyway, enough about me ! click the neat little read more button to get to know my baby boy, maxi-pad. if you like what you see, also feel free to hit that ♥ and i’ll pop into your tumblr or discord ims to aggressively keysmash a plot out. sounds good ? GREAT !! can’t wait to talk to you all asfkalsdjfasfd i’m so excited !

skeleton: the ace faceclaim: froy gutierrez name: max thomas gender & pronouns: cis male ( he/him ) age: twenty-two major: zoology clubs: captain of the track & field and football team ; student government secretary living arrangement: auberlin apartments / apartment 01 employment: unemployed, but occasionally volunteers places & does odd jobs for those that need it

[ GENERAL ]

first off, some links. you can find his dossier HERE ( featuring a bio / some stats ) & his pinterest board HERE !!

his name is maximilian anthony thomas ( if he turns out to be the killer i’m gonna laugh because i really did give him 3 first names ) but honestly just max is fine ^^

he’s the child to two ABSOLUTE UNITS of women. both of them are olympic medalists in the athletics category. even his sperm donor dad ( who, yes, also helped raise him ) was a big time baseball player who now coaches one of the best international teams, so to say that he is SPORTS BOY would almost be an understatement.

his sport of choice is easily track, but he also really enjoys baseball, basketball, soccer, and, later on in life, football. if it’s got a ball or allows him to run, chances are he plays it.

he was winning medals as early as 7 years old and had enough for a full wall by the time he was 10. boy is a legacy and it SHOWS.

he doesn’t like it when people try to give him things just because of his name or who his parents are. he would much rather get things through his own hard work. at the same time, he hates losing and is willing to do not so great things in secret if it means he’ll win.

captain of the track & field team during the spring / summer and captain of the football team during fall / winter. he also might be in the student government too so rifp his schedule. boy is ALWAYS busy.

LOVES HIS TEAMMATES SO FUCKING MUCHHHHH !!!!!! they’re his family.

he also does a lot of charity events cuz his parents raised that shit in him ( they literally met at a charity triathalon ), so he goes to quite a view galas and whatnot. LITERALLY HE’S SO BUSY THIS BOY NEVER HAS FREE TIME.

is surprisingly really well versed in art & art history due to one of his moms being a HUGE art history buff. literally his family did an art tour vacation once where they just went across europe & went to a bunch of galleries. basically he may seem like a dumb jock, but if you mix up a renoir & a monet, he WILL call you out on it.

absolute sunshine boy !! loves to smile & laugh & love !! is so passionate about everything !

however, he has some really bad jealousy and pride issues, as hinted at earlier. they’re easily his greatest vices in equal measure.

he’s emotionally fragile so if he snaps, it can get pretty scary, but he’s really good at hiding that side of him. granted, bottling it all up probably isn’t the best either . . .

THAT SAID, HE’S STILL THE TOWN’S GOLDEN BOY !! his coach keeps talking about the 2020 olympics and he’s SO PSYCHED !! everyone in town knows his name bc he really out here being nice to everyone he meets & helping little old ladies cross the road on top of everything else he does. he’s just That Guy.

[ DAISEY ]

he had known her since they were wee babies, and they were definitely friends first. whenever they played house, he was always the dog looooong before he played her husband.

the two were always real & honest with each other, and it’s safe to say that he knew the true her before she got all caught up in her loneliness and secret hoarding.

SHE was the one to ask HIM out not long after starting middle school, making them each other’s first like . . . actual relationship. ( though tbh, she moreso DEMANDED he be her boyfriend, rather than properly asking him aslkfjasdf he could never say no to her though so it didn’t really matter )

they wound up having an off-&-on relationship for SIX YEARS. in late-ish high school, he could feel her drifting away so he told her his secret, thinking it would stop her from being bored of him. unfortunately she ended up breaking up w/ him the next day.

[ STALKING TW ] before long she was already seeing someone new. that triggered his jealous streak, and between that and his fear that she was going to tell someone his secret, he started stalking her. at first it was just lining up their schedules so he could always keep an eye on her, but eventually he got access to her social media logins and started keeping tabs on her private conversations. she’d shown him some of her own hacking tricks when they were still together, so even when she changed her passcodes, it was a simple crack before he was snooping through her shit again.

eventually she confronted him about the fact that she was constantly seeing him everywhere, though still unaware of the fact that he was the one that was hacking into her accounts. he played it off, and while she did tell the authorities about it, that was about the end of it. he stopped stalking her for a couple of years after following her to st ettienne, and things mellowed out between them.

he joined student council that year, and after that him and daisey started to talk a lot more again. they even kinda became friends again. one night, she was having a rough time so she called him. after a quiet night of talking and looking at the stars, she kissed him. it was really great, up until she shoved him away and said it was a mistake, going right back to ignoring his existence the very next day. this caused him to fall back into his stalking habits, finding them a comfort.

this time, she finds out that its HIM going through her social media, and she pulls him aside privately at the homecoming party to yell at him. she even says that she’s going to expose his secret for being such a creep. it’s then that he sees her for what she really is, rather than the rose-colored image he’d been seeing before.

that’s the last he ever sees of daisey rutherford, and he can’t tell if he’s grateful or heartbroken for that.

[ WANTED CONNECTIONS ]

okay listen i’m . . . honestly garbage at coming up with wanted connections because i genuinely want everything. friends, lovers, enemies, family — the whole shebang. i’m always down to brainstorm, so if you’ve got any ideas, even if they’re whacky, hit me with them and we can come up with something phenomenal and unique, yeah ? yeah !

the biggest actual idea i can think of is like . . . half siblings through his biological father. i think the dichotomy of that could be fun since his dad is still VERY MUCH in his life along w/ his 2 moms. TAKEN BY CASSIDY

rivals in sports could be fun ! as w/ rivals in general !

people he tried hooking up w/ to make daisey jealous when they weren’t together ? maybe ??

he doesn’t drink or smoke or do anything fun so like ?? a bad influence type connection mayhaps ?

HE NEEDS A TUTOR !!!! HE NEEEEEDS A TUTORRRRR !!!!!

bro squad bro squad bro squad bro squad bro squad. did i mention bro squad ?? ( ed is his best fucking friend so any mutual friends,,,,,, let’s squad it up )

maybe i’ll edit this later if more come to me, but for now that’s what i’ve got !! hmu if anything strikes your fancy or if you’ve got any other ideas !

#veritasintro #insert a shaky eyes emoji here #EDIT: added some additional stats

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csong-blog · 5 years

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hello, i’m mina and i’m too excited to roleplay with you all ! i’ve only recently started getting back into groups and this one really caught my eye. the roleplay is just amazing and all of your muses are absolutely wonderful. from what i can see, everyone is a great writer, intimidating, but that makes it more exciting for me. my face claim is my absolute queen soyou - feel free to add my discord - queen soyou#1226 for plotting purposes.

( kang jihyun, twenty eight, cisfemale ) by chance have you met CLAUDIA SONG yet? i hear SHE has lived in COLUMBIA CITY for TWO MONTHS and works as a HIGH SCHOOL GUIDANCE COUNSELOR. i’m surprised you haven’t met them yet but for when you do, i hear they can be quite EMOTIONAL but also COMPASSIONATE. for whatever reason they remind me of DENIM OVERSIZED JACKETS, LACED BODY SUITS and DISORGANISED NOTES. ( mina, 20, she/her, gmt )

under the cut will be a little about claudia ; please proceed with caution as there is mention of codependency tw, domestic abuse tw, emotional manipulation tw under the cut.

one would say that claudia had a little too much personality in her early life. she had always been full of energy and passion, a girl wanting to show off her creations and talents to all, especially her parents that had moved from south korea shortly before she came along. they did enjoy her company; a vibrant, polite young lady? there was nothing to dislike. she was the type to help with the washing of the dishes but then accidentally break one - her intentions were there, they just weren’t executed correctly.

ever since she could remember, claudia loved to sing and dance. she was a theatre kid growing up and her parents greatly encouraged her to take part in productions even though it took time away from her school work. she found herself taking a natural lead and even helping some of the other students with learning lines on top of home work. she always liked to lend a helping hand and that was never going to change.

as she grew older, she did take a more nurturing role with her friends. she was always the one that they came to for advice and that became her responsibility. the girl didn’t feel like she could have any negative feelings of her own so tried to make sure that she appeared happy and supportive at all times - she wanted the best for those around her, she didn’t see anything wrong with it.

however, she was sensitive and their struggles quickly became her’s. a natural empath, she found herself struggling to deal with the horrible things they were going through. her home life was stable, she had a family that loved her, teased her for her broken hangul, but they loved her and would always protect her in the way that they knew how - she was mature enough to understand that not everyone had that privilege.

it was only natural that she fell into the realm of pyschology. claudia wanted to help people, she really did, even stuck at college despite hating the whole set up of it. she was somewhat a loner, someone who kept to herself and talked to strangers who she would never see again. she missed her friends from high school but realised that the dynamic had changed and they weren’t together anymore. it hurt her, a lot, more than it probably should have done. no one seemed to need her here... she didn’t realise, but she was incredibly codependent and that’s when the pattern started.

matthew williams wasn’t the first male to give her attention in her second year but he was certainly one to make her feel safe. he was in her psychology class, a mature student that was taking it to enrich his resumé and she was taken by him. he listened to her, asked for help, gave her life advice - it seemed like the perfect match.

while he continued down the path of business after completing his bachelor course, claudia decided to stay on and get her master’s in school counseling. she didn’t want to be at a practice, she wanted to be where it really mattered and also where she had experience. if only there had been a counselor at my school i may not have felt so much pressure. however, the woman didn’t realise that she needed it.

she moved in with matthew as she believed it was the best thing for her in that moment. it was true; he was kind, loving, supportive, everything she could have hoped for and she was hardly going to throw that away. she married him when she was twenty four and he had just turned thirty one. she was convinced it was love but it turned out he was manipulating her the entire time. claudia doesn’t like to think that her entire marriage was a lie, that hurts her too much and she would rather hold on to the fond memories she has of that time in her life, even if they were few and far between...

the manipulation wasn’t noticeable to her at first, it was more about controlling where she was and what she was doing. claudia had a few friends at the school she got a job at and she enjoyed spending time with them. they had made her feel so welcome when she had first started and their personalities seemed to mesh together. after school they would go to a bar, occasionally catch a student with a fake id and have a fun time with it and would also go for meals out. it all made matthew feel invisible. he made it his mission to know where she was, what she was doing and her next plans so that he could clash with them. claudia was loyal, she would choose him over them any time.

at first, she didn’t feel like anything was wrong. they had both made sacrifices and a marriage was supposed to be work - she wasn’t about to have a disagreement with him over things so petty. however, as time went on, he became more and more angered, aggressive with her. the woman was small but she also had too much respect for him to try and fight back. at times, she felt like she had said the wrong thing and deserved it.

as it got really bad, claudia became more and more tearful at work - they even put her on a warning for walking out on a student because she was in tears. she would get up at 4 every morning to make sure the house was spotless, so he would have nothing to hate her for and she would spend the rest of her day worrying about the most mundane of things. he could always find fault with her and it would always end badly for her...

she used the school production as a great way to get away for a while, to help the drama department put on a show and that’s what kept her going. the kids did need some encouragement but she was there to give it every time and even help them with their technique. it reminded her how much she loved it to begin with and realised that she should have kept doing it.

claudia felt it difficult to ask for help as she had always being the one giving it. how could she help the students if she couldn’t even help herself? broken ribs and a collapsed lung, he was actually the one to call 911 for her. the doctors and police knew what was happening, especialy when she claimed that she slipped... the ‘split’ wasn’t easy for her. the woman felt useless wihtout him, moreso than she had done with him.

AFTER:

one of her friends at the school took her in to recover and she actually ended up moving with her to seattle before she got her own place. the other woman was kind and let her take as much time as she needed off. claudia used this time to get involved with community stage productions and it definitely lifted her spirits. being cared for while slowly becoming used to freedom did wonders for her.

she has recently got a job at a local high school and plans to move out of her friend’s house after she has had a few paycheques. she does love living with her friend and her family but now she feels ready to get her own space to truly start building herself up once again.

claudia is a very nurturing individual but also quite sensitive. if she’s uncomfortable about something, she is one to cry.

she sings in public while she has her earphones because it brings her joy.

although she finds her job challenging at times, she’s glad to be in an environment where she doesn’t feel threatened.

she wears glasses but hates wearing them.

she’s very big on oversized jackets and lace body suits. if she’s feeling adventurous, she’ll add a heel into the mix. steve jobs is also her style icon as she has so many bodysuits and sweaters that have a turtle neck - she jokes about this daily.

she’s actually taking part in the community production and she’s loving every minute of it.

claudia drops her phone at least once a week but it still doesn’t have a crack in it... she’s well and truly mastered the art.

she tends to use humour as a way to cope with her emotions. she can be the joker but when it comes to someone else, she will make sure to listen and advise.

claudia still puts others before herself so catch her trying to sort out other people’s problems and not even touching her own...

her friend knows her for taking in people in need and she has got told off for this as there are children living there and she doesn’t even know them that well - she just wants to help but doesn’t think about repercussions of her actions.

she’s really enjoying living in seattle with so many things to see and do - she’s just fallen in love with it and she’s so glad shegot away from her old life and was able to start some place new!

generally, her room is an absolute tip. she has little passion for organisation but can find things with ease if people don’t tamper with her system.

she’s a fan of a regular latte, nothing more adventurous than a salted caramel latte at christmas for her !

she calls her parents three times every week to check in with them to make sure that they’re not worrying about her. she loves them dearly and is so grateful that they’re more present in her life now !

#206.intro #codependency tw #domestic abuse tw #abuse tw #manipulation tw

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