#it was a learning experience so that hopefully he’s better in his next real grown up relationship
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I hope Garry knows if there was an empty night sky with only one shining star that star would most likely be him and if I’d ever metaphorically give my nose to anyone, it would be him. All in the will. Burn the body (other than the nose that’s for Garry) if the vamps are hangry they can have the last of my blood. I also have bought several homes for him (Garry) to have in the future, I became a certified property owner and real estate expert for Garry and the munches. I also bought jojo a little hobbit hole next to the Munch’s residence. Lucas and Max have a cozy apartment and I’m funding Wolfgang’s finding myself journey. If they don’t live in it it’s okay it’s fine they can rent it out, I bought the whole complex if that helps any. I will be hiding in a bush if gunther and Lilith at some point renew their vows.
I can always count on Garry to be either hanging from the ceiling by talons he’s suddenly grown or swinging off of some light fixture and if he is in someone’s grasp he’s either in his own world, growing teeth/gum to skin or being held up by a most likely flailing limb. I feel like Lilith could do acrobats with him in one hand, like casual conversation no pause no acknowledgement and keep a hold of him while he’s just wilding and having fun. He’s probably a goblin or a little flying chipmunk or squirrel in one’s purest form. He has seen wonders beyond comprehension living in that household and I can only applaud him.
Also, I will wait patiently for Lucas and Max’s return. Once that time comes I’m sure I’ll suddenly learn how to properly and consistently with great skill and eagerness, do roly polys. No I can’t do it at the moment and I don’t think I have any real interest in those sorts of sports and expertise but this whole family makes me feel like seeing max and Lucas’ being in that moment when the time comes in real time. Finally, runs around so happy for them, I will suddenly wake up knowing how to do a roly poly and probably my life will just feel better in general with the knowledge of seeing them connect and grow. No matter what path they take, I just want them to heal and come to be happier and happier. I love the both of them so much and I truly wish the best for Wolfgang and everyone else too.
I hope you have a wonderful break I’m sure this is creatively fulfilling for you and a passion project it goes without saying hopefully but thank you for sharing it. Your love for these characters these people basically at heart is amazing, heart warming and seeing a new post from you is always a little box of care, dedication and magic, they’ve brought many people together I’m sure thanks to your effort in making what you post a reality and I truly thank you for existing, that goes for anyone in the world but I hope this just is a reminder I don’t know how to say it the most accurately but thank you for the munch story for what you share of yourself in general and I hope life’s treating you well. If not I hope you feel better soon.
If this even gets seen by you or anyone else, embarrassing truly I wanna run into a wall cartoon style fall to the ground due to impact, bounce right off of u will, this to the floor, comical hanging tongue out of mouth x’s over eyes u get the picture.
I feel so much passion for someone else’s page/story, maybe it’s the autism speaking but I can’t imagine not being able to atleast recognise the amount and degree of care and passion you put into the munchs/whatever else you may post and feeling genuinely glad and happy to see someone sharing and bringing something of themselves to life with such adoration & attention. I feel like a lot of people feel quite strongly about the munch story regardless of being neurodivergent or whatever their background/certain aspects, but in my case, being autistic myself, something that obviously affects my experience of the world, coming across and delving into the munchs and seeing such joy and drive and visceral love that I always feel alone in, in the community in general but especially the part that uses the sims to tell their stories, has been amazing and made me so grateful for being able to see what you and others share. It makes me want to go on and on which I can and do e.g, but the difference being I feel like I’m seeing possibility and gaining an understanding that I can see and find people similarly interested in storys and lives fictional or otherwise. Being diagnosed recently, it’s made this all fit together in my brain more easily why I felt so drawn to story tellers here lol. Being a lover of story telling, literature, thank you for existing and simply letting others see and be immersed with you. This isn’t my first time on anon here yikes and sorry, I can’t do a tldr for something this long fuck but Thankyou. Rest up! 💕🤞🏼
Lucas and Max poster in my hallway !!
Sorry if this is a lot it’s a bit of personal anecdote I hope I don’t make you or anyone feel inconvenienced or like hurt, the munch’s have always meant a lot and with this new step forward and newer revelations in my life they only seem to grow fonder to me. Peace and love, I hope everyone’s trying to treat themselves more kindly
i ADORE to hear your thoughts always !! and YEAH spins you around really fast yeaheyaheyaheya love the mutual understanding here. glad we are all on the same levels of sickness over them
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Back in 1991 I was a college student in the music program at Douglas College, 20 years old in May 1991 (a month before I turned 21). I was not finding college much fun and my educational difficulties were showing up full force.
Then along comes Timothy Zahn with a continuation of the Star Wars saga that I had grown up with. Gen X were the target audience as children for Star Wars back in 1977 when I was a kid of 6 years old at least when Star Wars came out in April of that year. And the entire trilogy (Star Wars, Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi) were complete and released in the theatres by the time I had turned 13.
So as a young adult, what’s now referred to as the Legends series of books were a part of my life. I would save up and buy each one as they came out, reveling in the further adventures of Luke Skywalker, Han Solo, Leia Organa (now Solo) and their growing family. Some of the events in my own personal life (in general my luck with women mirrored that of Luke Skywalker who couldn’t seem to find a match even if he tried. I mean, look at his track record (the woman who tried to kill him back during the Rebellion days then there was Gaerial Captison, a few others here and there, Callista (the Bodysnatcher) Ming) and well, Mara… who finally in the Legends became his wife).
The relationship of Mara and Luke was one that really struck a close chord because to me Luke was the “everyman”; the hero of the story; the one everyone wants to be. And what I really wanted at the time,considering the circumstances of being in an abusive situation with my mother and her narcissistic traits, was an escape (from reality, perhaps); someway to get out of the situation I was in. So Star Wars was a way, when I wasn’t working at selling houses which frankly was no longer enjoyable by the time 1998 rolled around, to escape the abuse and BS at home.
Narcissistic parents and their enablers want you helpless and strip away your emotional supports and they did that quite well. If you’re doing the math, I was 29 at this point.
The Hand of Thrawn duology of Ghosts of the Past and Visions of the Future had come out and we saw Luke and Mara get engaged.
And well, I had met (online) my future wife and was on the phone with her a lot. This was wayyyy before everyone and their dog and cats. having their own personal cell phones. Cell phones and pagers (remember those?) were the realm of business people. I was in real estate, so I owned one of both.
I rolled a sabacc on that one. We’re 23 years together as of next month. We’ve been through ups and downs that probably would have broken up most couples including my mother’s meddling. But the choice that I made was to stick with my wife: to get away from my mother who had done nothing other than to beat me down every chance she got.
In other words my relationship with my wife saved my life.
And that’s also a reason why Star Wars is so important to me. It provided an escape and a bit of sanity in an insane situation and allowed me a bit of time to plan my escape. I left my parent’s hpuse in March of 2000. 4 months before my now-wife came up from the States and 5 before she and I got married (parents were not invited - her mother due to logistics because of her being back in the States, secondly, my parents weren’t due to my mother’s abusive controlling behavior and my dad because by now he’d become her enabler). My uncle; my mother’s flying monkey had predicted our marriage wouldn’t last.
23 years and every wedding anniversary that passes is lile another happy “fuck you” to my uncle.
This is one of the reasons why I’m disgusted with the sequel series. Everyone goes through trials and tribulations and they grow, learn from their experiences and mature to become hopefully a better version of themselves.
Rey on the other hand is a Disney’fied version of their typical Princess stories. There’s no growth at all other than the time she was on Jakku. There was the “immediate learning” of her Jedi skills with very little training - a kind of Mulan’ish immediately good at everything. There was no connection at all with Rey as a character.
But then again if one likes their stories to be all fluff and light, then fine. But don’t disrespect the original characters while doing it.
Turning the hero character into a miserable old grouch who lives like a hermit who tosses his father’s lightsaber when he originally treated it with reverence is not subverting the plot.
It’s being a dick and ruining a much loved character just for a cheap laugh. Yeah, I’m pretty angry with the sequels because when I was a kid, I idolized Luke Skywalker and Han Solo.
I looked forward to the sequels, hoping that they would do justice to Lucas’s vision, but we got a disjointed plot, “Somehow Palpatine returned”, Super Rey Palpatine and bitter old angry OT characters who were characterized as incompetent. And what enraged me the most was that we got this.
The final insult from Disney’s screwing up the sequels so badly was after filming TLJ, Carrie Fisher went into full cardiac arrest on an aircraft and passed away. There is now no way to rectify the mess that the House of Mouse has made to Star Wars; the franchise that I love more than any other sci-fi franchise. I grew up with this franchise and while I’ve grown out of what Lucas had termed as the target audience, when someone messes with the memories of your childhood, screws up your heroes, yeah, you get mad.
For me, Star Wars was my happy escape and thanks to Rian “Ruin” Johnson, it’s tainted irreparably. Harrison Ford may have wanted out but the rest loved their characters. And Mark Hamill wanted his character treated with some respect but instead of Luke Skywalker, the noble Jedi, he got Jake Skywalker - the down and out green-milk guzzling irritable hermit who “doesn’t give a shit no more!”
Disney has gone full on and said that anyone who dislikes the sequels and dislike the way Rey is written are old racists and white misogynists who live in their mom’s basements.
Well I ain’t white, I don’t live in my mom’s basement, I wish women got treated more fairly, I’m more liberal than conservative and I’m frankly pissed that my childhood film heroes got so disrespected. OK granted, I may be old and not a kid any more (my wife would beg to differ. She says I’m a 2 year old in a 53 year old body) but I still love my Star Wars with the exception of the sequels.
And Legends will always have a special place in my heart because it got me through the toughest part of my life.
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Oh, here's a prompt! Nie Huaisang travels back in time to ensure that Jin Guangyao stays away from the Jin sect. When he gets back, he's disturbed to find that not only is Meng Yao now his stepbrother (or has at least become a very respected disciple of the Nie sect), but is also now engaged to Lan Xichen. Cue screaming and/or fainting. But at least Minjue is still alive, right?
It was surprisingly easy to make it all happen, much to Nie Huaisang's surprise. In stories time travel was always so complicated to orchestrate, with so much to plan for... but Nie Huaisang had just done it, and it seemed to be working well.
His first stop had been to Meng Shi, shortly after the birth of her son. He could have gone back further and prevented her from ever having that son, but... but at the end of the day, he'd been impossibly fond of Meng Yao even if he'd grown to hate Jin Guangyao. The solution, then, had been to visit his mother and make sure she didn't fill her son's head with impossible dreams.
It had taken some money to get Meng Shi out of the brothel for a few days, and she'd been quite suspicious of him at first. But Nie Huaisang had been a gentleman, and she'd warmed up to him a little. She'd even given up on trying to seduce him once he'd explained that while not opposed to feminine charms on occasion, he mostly cut his sleeve. She'd acted quite sorry for him when he'd explained that actually, he'd just gotten out of a long relationship that had ended badly due to some trust issues and a the betrayal of a man they'd believed to be their friend. Meng Shi had shared a few stories as well, some her own, most her colleagues'.
By the time they'd arrived in Lanling, Nie Huaisang had become quite attached to Meng Shi, and decided he might change his plans a little, depending on what would happen in the next few days.
Meng Shi was not happy to meet other women who'd had the dubious pleasure of sharing Jin Guansghan's bed. She was even less happy to talk to them and learn that none of them, not a single one, had ever received money or attention again after he'd left them, not even those who'd had a child. One of them, the servant of a powerful family of merchants, had gone begging at the door of the Jin sect when her three years old daughter had fallen sick with something nobody understood. She'd been sent home under threats of a beating if she ever showed up again, and her daughter had died.
That had been nearly four years earlier. Jin Guangshan hadn't been sect leader yet, but he'd been his father's favourite and most spoiled son, so he would have had the power to do anything he pleased, including sending a doctor to his daughter, or having her brought into Jinlin Tai to make sure no dark spirit was attacking her. He wasn't even engaged to his wife at the time, so it was impossible to use her to excuse his lack of care. And he'd known about the child's sickness, because he'd happened to be passing by when the mother came begging for help. It was he who had ordered she be sent away, annoyed by her crying.
Meng Shi had gone paler and paler as that poor woman told her tale of sorrow, clutching her son tighter against her chest. When Nie Huaisang and her had returned to their inn, she had asked him why he'd wanted her to meet those other women.
“I just don't like what he's doing,” Nie Huaisang replied, a little embarrassed that he hadn't thought she might get curious. It was stupid of him. Meng Yao surely couldn't have gotten his brains from his father after all.
Meng Shi, sitting on her bed, rocked her infant son in her arms in silence for a moment.
“They were all weak,” she said after a while.
“Who?”
“Those other women. They were all weak.”
Nie Huaisang tensed, fearing that she might announce she was cut of another cloth, that she would persevere where they had given up, but Meng Shi only sighed and kissed her son's forehead.
“He picked them so they were young and would have no one to turn to. Servants and prostitutes and unwanted daughters... he picked us so we'd have no one to turn to when he'd abandon us, no one to defend our honour and force him to pay for the children he made us have. Women like us, it's our own fault for getting pregnant in the first place, isn't it?”
Nie Huaisang stared at her, and realised she was right. He'd been so busy collecting names, he hadn't paused to wonder if there had been a pattern to Jin Guangshan's actions.
“Are there any more you want me to meet?” Meng Shi asked.
“No, she was the last one.”
“Then I suppose we'll started heading back to Yunping City tomorrow. I'll have to make new plans for...”
“No, we're not going back,” Nie Huaisang announced, startling her. “It's too unfair if you go back, you deserve better. Both of you deserve better!”
She blinked a few times, and gave him an amused smile, still rocking her baby. She didn't believe him, of course. Nie Huaisang could hardly blame her for that. After her last experience with a cultivator...
But Meng Shi really did deserve better. Nevermind that in a future he hoped to have now prevented, he'd desecrated her body to get back at her son, this was a different thing. Meng Shi was not a bad person. He'd once thought her guilty of ambition at least, but after a couple weeks in her company, he realised she'd just been desperate for a chance to escape her lot in life. He couldn't really hate her for that, even if it had led to such tragedies after her death.
Nie Huaisang liked her now that he'd met her, and he couldn't condemn her and her son to a worse fate than what they'd have known without him.
He needed a plan.
He needed a smart plan.
He had a plan.
“So, I might have lied a little, you're going back to the brothel,” Nie Huaisang said, earning an unimpressed smirk. “But not for long! I'm going to try something but... would you be willing to lie about who sired your son?”
“Why not? At this point, the truth won't get me much.”
“Perfect. Then I'm going to warn my sect that I have fathered a child, and that I'm unable to care for it at the moment. I'll have to write to them but... but I know Nie zongzhu will immediately send for you. He'll probably ask after me, he hasn't seen me in nearly a decade, but I know he won't have forgotten his cousin Nie Xingyu, and he'll do what's right for my son and his mother.”
And there was no risk of the real Nie Xingyu ever returning to ruin that story, Nie Huaisang knew. His father's beloved cousin, who'd become a rogue cultivator after an argument with their grandfather, had actually died a year or two before Nie Mingjue was even born. A Night Hunt accident, one which Nie Huaisang had discovered by chance while investigating some of Jin Guangyao's crimes. But he remembered his father always hoped to see Nie Xingyu return, always speaking so highly of that cousin who had been almost a brother to him.
Nie Huaisang's father would be delighted to meet his cousin's son, and if “Nie Xingyu” asked for it he would buy Meng Shi's contract in a heartbeat. It would only be a matter of convincing sect leader Nie then, and Nie Huaisang wasn't worried about that. His father had kept all the letters his cousin used to send and read them to his sons, so Nie Huaisang was confident he could imitate his prose and handwriting, not to mention he too carried the Nie seal to mark that letter.
At worst, if it didn't work, Nie Huaisang could always find the money somewhere to buy that contract in person and try to find somewhere to leave Meng Shi, but he'd rather know that she and Meng Yao were safe and sound in the Unclean Realm.
Meng Shi, of course, looked unimpressed by his plan. She still thought he was lying, or trying to sell wonders like other men before him so they could share her bed for a reduced fee, or demand more of her than they'd paid for. Nie Huaisang didn't mind. If people's opinions of him mattered, he would have chosen a different way to avenge his brother, wouldn't he?
-
It took nearly a month after Nie Huaisang had brought Meng Shi back to her brother, but one morning, from the room he'd rented across the street, he saw a small group of Nie cultivators go in. His father was among them, and when they excited the building, he was carrying little Meng Yao in his arms and chatting cheerfully with Meng Shi who seemed shocked at this turn of events.
Unseen by her Nie Huaisang smiled, and went to activate the talisman that would take him back to his own time. Hopefully this would have been enough to save Nie Mingjue. And if it hadn't... well, he knew how to travel to the past now.
-
Nie Huaisang opened his eyes. He was in his room, and yet not. This was what used to be his room when he was young, before he became sect leader. A little smaller, a little more private, with a view on a small private garden where he kept his favourite birds. Hisroom, the one he'd always preferred, and had only abandoned in a desperate attempt to be the leader he'd thought his people would need. If he still lived in this room, then it meant Nie Huaisang wasn't sect leader.
Delighted by this apparent victory, Nie Huaisang sprung to his feet and rushed out of the room, only to run head first into someone.
He'd ran into that person enough times that he knew them instantly, even before seeing their face.
“Well someone is in a hurry,” Nie Mingjue said with a laugh.
A laugh.
Nie Mingjue was laughing. Nie Huaisang couldn't even remember the last time he'd heard his brother laugh like this. Not since the Sunshot Campaign, he thought.
“Your cousins haven't arrived yet,” said someone standing just a step behind Nie Mingjue, her voice also full of laughter. “You didn't oversleep, don't worry.”
It took all of Nie Huaisang's willpower to look away from his brother (Nie Mingjue, happy, laughing, healthy) but he managed it, because that other voice was a little too familiar.
It was odd to find Meng Shi in her fifties when just a few hours ago, Nie Huaisang had seen her in her early twenties. Her hair had turned grey, there were wrinkles on her face, and she had exchanged the bold colours she used to wear at the brothel for the muted tones the Nie sect favoured. It suited her. Growing old suited her, if only because she would never have had the chance, had Nie Huaisang not changed her fate.
“I think he's not quite awake yet,” Nie Mingjue teased when Nie Huaisang stared too long, poking his little brother in the shoulder. “But at least I don't have to drag him out of bed. Can I leave the rest to you, auntie?”
Meng Shi smiled, and assured him she'd make sure Nie Huaisang was ready for his cousins' arrival. Nie Mingjue thanked her and left. Nie Huaisang almost ran after him, suddenly needing to touch him, to hug him, to make sure this was real, that he had truly...
“Now it's finally you,” Meng Shi noted, earning a curious glance. “I've realised a few years ago that you looked oddly similar to the man who helped me. Too similar to simply count it as family resemblance. But until today, you didn't look quite right either.”
When Nie Huaisang could only blink at her, she laughed.
“I thought so. I've been wondering for years, but... you did something to change what was meant to happen, didn't you?”
“I did. I wanted... I needed to save certain people.”
“Your brother,” Meng Shi guessed.
Nie Huaisang nodded.
“And my son?”
He nodded again. “Where is he? Is he well? He learned cultivation, right?”
Meng Shi smiled proudly. “He's one of the best in his generation, people keep telling me. He's married now, and living with his husband, but they come visit often. They wanted me to come live with them in the Cloud Recesses, but it's too cold for me over there, and I like the friends I've made here in Qinghe, so I... is something wrong?”
Nie Huaisang nodded, then shook his head. “His husband?”
“A-Yao is married to Lan zongzhu,” she explained. “I would have preferred if he'd married a woman, but Lan zongzhu is a very good husband to him, and they always seem so very happy when they're together. It's all a mother can truly wish for, isn't it? To see her child settled and happy.”
Nie Huaisang said nothing.
He did not run back into his room, didn't hurriedly prepare some ink so he could draw another time travelling talisman and set things right. It was tempting, so tempting. But Nie Huaisang resisted that temptation, and forced himself to smile.
“I'm so happy for them,” he mumbled after a while, and hoped he would learn to mean it.
#Meng Shi#Nie Huaisang#xisang#xiyao#mo dao zu shi#mdzs#jau writes#this was super fun to write thanks for the prompt!!
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flashes. (dick grayson x reader)
I’m not really well-versed in DC, at all, but I wanted to give this a shot. let me know what you think! It’s a bit of a mess, so please take this with a grain of salt and some grace. sorry if he feels ooc; I tried my best but I am by no means an expert or even an amateur. please be kind. idk if i’ll write anymore for him, but i wanted to try. it might be trash but it’s out there now xo
--
It’s not like Gotham is known for being a walk in the park. The city is all alleys in the middle of the night, dark vapors rising from sewers, and secrets in the shadows. At least, in your experience.
There were no gated communities or fences to keep the darkness out in the apartment complex you lived in with your family. Only survival and common sense keeps you returning to your bed and food on the table.
So, when your younger (genius) brother is offered a scholarship to Gotham Academy on what feels like a whim, the world shifts.
When your mother still works, though, it means you are the de-facto adult during the day. Your job keeps your busy in the mornings, hers during the afternoon and night. You’re just getting into learning what it’s like to handle a job and bills of your own, even though you’re still living with your family (part of it is to save money, part of it is because you just don’t want to leave). Your family is the only real home you have ever known. Why leave to only find inadequate housing where you have to worry about your safety and theirs separately?
So, like every month, you swap out of your work clothes, put on your newest (at least 2 years old) pair of jeans on, the only blouse you own that hasn’t faded or stretched or shrunk from countless wash cycles, and grab the bag you’ve stored in its own special place in the cabinet by your family’s loud, old, run-down fridge.
You chance a ride on the bus, hopeful for no public catastrophes today. You listen to your small, but loved, playlist through the one earbud that works during the ride and you almost want to leap with joy when you step back down on concrete like this is what it is like everyday.
The architecture is a thing to behold. There is no wonder why this is acclaimed as the most prestigious private school in Gotham. Light is everywhere, and it’s like the outside world doesn’t exist. Every month you step on this campus it’s like you’ve never seen it before.
The grounds are meticulously groomed, everything in lines and straight edges. Concrete and nineteenth century buildings both cast heavy, sharp shadows in the late afternoon sun. There are some students lingering about, all grouped up and chattering in their similar uniforms. Compared to public art, haphazard graffiti, and buildings of all shapes and sizes, this place feels foreign. Different. It makes you feel strange and unwelcome; like entering a different world altogether.
When you enter the pristine, elegant office, the entrance door propped open, there’s two figures you immediately spot: the secretary and the man standing in front of her. Your brother is yet to be found. He’s running late again.
“Hi, hun, take a seat,” Grace’s sweet voice soothes from her position behind the desk. “He should be here any minute.” The man standing in front and a little to the right of her glances behind for second, casually swiping a look at you, before he turns forward again.
“Thanks, Grace,” You exhale as you sit down.
The chairs are nice, soft fabric and cushioned, but small. You so desire to bring up a leg to draw close to you, but it’s impossible without making yourself a human pretzel. And you don’t want to dirty it with your less than perfect shoes so, instead, you chose to bring the bag onto your lap and you pick at your cuticles, resisting to bring your nail to your mouth and chew on it anxiously.
There’s never been anyone else in here when you’ve come before. Grace can make polite chatter, but then she leaves you in relative silence. It makes you feel anonymous. The man uttering sweet words to the secretary and then glancing at you again before sitting down next to you does not. You stop fidgeting with your hands and intertwine them together instead.
A flash of the ceiling’s fluorescent lighting on glass against your eyes is what you first get a taste of, then all polish and silver, or something like it, cradling a wrist. The watch looks heavy, expensive. It looks like it could buy your family a newer, safer, apartment in a suburbia far away from here.
“Hey,” Smooth as honey it drips out, and you are drawn to blue eyes and ebony hair. There’s a softness to his face and his eyes are warm. It would only take an hour, you think before you stop the thought from going any further. An hour to do what? You’re not sure, but the list expands the longer you take him in.
The first thing you ever learned on the streets when you walked by yourself to work was how to be aware, vigilant; on guard. Men were unpredictable creatures who were driven by greed or lust or power, and any of the good ones were swooped up and carried away to better things or dead before any second glances could take place. Or carrying on just fine behind their high fences and impenetrable walls. Just because this one introduces himself first does not mean he has proven otherwise.
“Hi,” is all you can offer, a quirk of lips to his gesture of kindness.
You glance towards to door before your eyes make their way back to him. The gesture doesn’t offend him. There’s a familiarity to his face, but you decide to not spend time right now trying to figure it out. It already only tells you one thing: this guy is way out of your league.
Grace gets up from her seat, rounds her desk, and makes her way out of the office, leaving you two alone. You watch her the entire time.
“You waiting for someone?”
“Yeah,” You nod even as the word comes out, “My brother.”
He leans back like he’s got all the time in the world, and there’s a perusal that makes you taste butterflies and gulp down caution at the same time. You wonder if he saw the scuff marks and stains on your worn-out sneakers, or if he notices that you still haven’t had the chance to wash your three-day old hair and that’s why it’s up and back, and that your blouse is definitely from the clearance rack at Goodwill.
“Your favorite one?”
Out of self-preservation, you try to hide the reaction to the humor you feel, “My only one.”
“I think that’s the same thing.” You almost want to roll your eyes. But there’s a genuineness in his conversation, like he means the words he’s saying to you. Like this isn’t a game.
“Sure,” You shrug, “You’re allowed to be wrong.”
“My name’s Richard.” It’s old-fashioned. It’s something you don’t really hear rolled off of tongues in your neck of the woods, that’s for sure. A hand comes out and rests halfway between you and him, and it’s one of the most graceful things you’ve ever witnessed in your entire life.
“It’s nice to meet you.” You smile. Your hands stay clasped in your lap.
“You gotta earn a handshake from my sister,” A voice pops up from the open door way. You swing your head around and watch for a moment as your brother makes his way towards you.
“Hi, J,” Your stand, open your arms wide, bag moved from your lap into one of your hands. His solid presence allows a brief hug before he steps back again. “Sorry, I don’t mean to be rude--”
The man sitting next to you has chosen to rise as well and you’re closer than you thought you would be when you turn back to him. You notice now that your height means your eyes literally meet his lips straight on. There’s a curve of a smirk there for a flash of a second before it straightens back out into the smile you saw at first. The rest of your sentence is forgotten. He takes one, two, three steps back.
“You got them all?” The question saves you. Your brother pulls you back to him as you hand him the brown plastic bag. In it? His favorite snacks from the liquor store on the corner (the nearly sold-out, hard-to-come-by ones).
“Every last one,” Your hands come to his cheeks, turning his face to each side.
You have to reach up now and it strikes you just how much he’s grown even in the past month. You both spend much of your time on the phone with one another. These monthly meetings set-up frequently enough for deliveries and some quick face-to-face time and seldom enough to avoid embarrassment (that’s what he says anyway).
He brings the chip bag out and holds it up, “You even got these.”
“Geraldo got them special order just for you.”
“Tell the old man I said thanks,” He smiles like he’s seven again, spoiled and self-indulgent. “Richard” is still standing behind you and to the side, silent. You can feel his eyes flipping back and forth between the two of you.
“Of course,” Your hands smooth over his shoulders and brush away imaginary dust. “Mom sends her love and says she’ll try and call you on her lunch in a few hours.”
“Yeah, I know. I’ll make sure I answer.”
“Thank you.” You exhale an affectionate sigh.
Avoidant loner that your brother can be, there’s a reason you both want him here. He’ll be able to do the things you only dreamed of when you were his age. And one day, hopefully, you’ll all be out of this hellhole, onto better things.
“I gotta go, but thanks for these. Even though you should be saving every penny,” He chides, holding up a finger like his words are somehow a threat.
“Okay,” You chortle like you wouldn’t give everything up for your brother in a heartbeat. There’s another quick hug before he’s looking back at the man behind you, who is still standing there like some sort of stealth ninja.
“Like I said man,” He nods and there’s something in his face that changes as he looks at “Richard”, “You gotta earn it.”
It’s with those parting words that he begins to walk out. You stay stock still for a second before you leap after him, “I wanna hear all about what happened last week with Cara tomorrow on the phone!”
Your brother, a mile away already on longs legs, shouts something indistinguishable back at you from down the hallway, his figure turning a corner.
“Who’s Cara?” The voice brings your back to reality.
You sweep your palms against your jeans and turn back to face the man with a three-piece suit and a watch that probably costs more than 20 years of your salary. Oh God.
“This girl my brother asked out the other week. I bribed him with some of his favorites so he would tell me what went down.” You shrug your shoulders, not worried about spilling the tea about your brother’s romantic life.
“Does he know that?” His arms seem to relax a little more and you think you could stare at him all day.
“Eh,” You say, creeping back towards the open door. Your small crossbody bag is already on you and there’s no reason to sit back down. Richard follows you as you, apparently, both start to make your exit from the office. Nothing about it feels unnatural. “Sometimes you got to persuade instead of demand.”
“Ha,” There seems to be something you are missing based on the way his mouth curves and his eyes spark, “That’s the truest thing I’ve heard in a long time.”
“You’re welcome. That’s the only one that comes for free!” Your arms swing back and forth. “Anything else is gonna cost you.”
The hallways usually feel like a labyrinth here, but you don’t feel lost this time.
“What forms of payment do you accept?” You pretend to be thinking, but really you’re just glancing between the different features of his face. You’re not sure you’ve ever met someone like him. You’re not sure you ever will again.
“The bank’s closed right now, actually,” The wariness is back. This guy walks like he’s used to treading on perfectly paved gold streets in his shoes. All you’ve ever known is cracked cement and rusted pipes that burst underground. “But I think it’ll be back up and running soon.”
He doesn’t falter and there’s no anger or hurt in his expression at the metaphorical rejection. Instead, it looks something like silent patience. Maybe even acceptance. This guy could totally not be interested and you could just be being (too) ambitious. The door to the open courtyard, and your way home, is already before you both.
“It was nice meeting you Richard,” You say as you begin to take steps forward. Your hands nervously hold the strap across your torso. You take a few more steps before his words turn your head back to him.
“You can call me Dick,” He says with ease. The tone makes you feel like he’s speaking a language you don’t really understand. His blue eyes seem like they’re on fire; a contradiction, you know. There’s something about him that almost makes you catch your breath. You’ve never been been winded by just looking before.
“Maybe I’ll see you around.” You offer, hands squeezing your bag strap.
“I look forward to earning that handshake next time!” He calls out when you’re several feet away.
I think you’ll earn a lot more than that, you almost say, but refrain.
Instead, you wave back to him once before making your way out of the courtyard, caught between staring at your shoes and looking ahead to make sure you’re going to right way. You smile and daydream the entire bus ride home. Blue becomes your favorite color.
#help ive never written for dc before#i dont know what im doing#be nice please#dick grayson#dick grayson x reader#dick grayson x oc#dick grayson x you#dick grayson x female!reader#richard grayson#richard grayson x reader#dick grayson oneshot#dick grayson preference#richard grayson oneshot#nightwing x you#nightwing x reader
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Could you please write post Kingdom of Ash fic where Aelin has to go back to Doranelle with Rowan on important business or something and she deals with her trauma going back/ meets Rowans family/ Rowan repairs his relationship with his cousins? Pretty please 🥺
loved this idea and had so much fun writing it!! combined with the modified prompt of “living is so much harder than dying. are you sure youre fit for living?”
here’s day 5 everyone!!
~~~
It had been three years since Aelin Galathynius had stepped foot in the City of Rivers.
Her first two visits to Doranelle had been… less than pleasant, to say the least. Most sane people who had gone through what Aelin had would never get within a hundred miles of the city. But, Aelin had never been one to allow a shitty experience or two keep her away.
In the three years since the end of the war, Terrasen had slowly been rebuilt. Aelin had gotten used to her role as queen, had gotten used to peace. Although it had been hard and strenuous work, it was worth it. Every struggle and late night, argument with lords and advisors, had led to happiness for her people. Aelin would do just about anything for them.
Part of being queen, Aelin had quickly learned, was responding to correspondences from other kingdoms. Sometimes, they weren’t all that bad. She liked to write to Dorian, enjoyed the sporadic letters she received from Manon. But there were plenty of others that were less fun. Taxes, proposals, budgeting.
But, a few weeks ago, she received a letter from Rowan’s cousin, Sellene, the new Queen of Doranelle. She invited both Aelin and her husband for a diplomatic visit to her lands.
“Are you sure about this, Fireheart?” Rowan had murmured to her one night, curled up in his arms in bed. “You don’t have to go.”
Aelin understood his concern. The last time she had been to Doranelle, she had been beaten and bruised within an inch of her life, patched back together, only to go through the process again the next day. Maeve had certainly done a number on her. But Aelin would be damned if she let the bitch get the last laugh.
“I want to go, Ro,” Aelin assured him. “I want to see where you grew up, get to know your family better.”
I need to go, is what she didn’t have to say, but knew Rowan understood. Aelin had conquered many of her fears in the years since the war, but there were still nights she woke up screaming, still nights when it was impossible to tell the difference between the darkness of night and the darkness of the iron coffin.
She needed to go back to the place where she had been brought down to her lowest. Needed to prove that she was strong, and that she had triumphed.
And so it was decided. The queen and king consort would sail east.
They stayed a week in Wendlyn with Aelin’s cousin, Galan. Since he had sailed to her aid during the war, they had formed a closer friendship. It was good to see him, to see the kingdom from which her mother hailed.
From there, they traveled by carriage to Doranelle.
“Much nicer than the first time we made this journey,” Aelin remarked one afternoon from the comfort of their carriage, resting her head against Rowan’s shoulder.
“You certainly smell better.”
Rowan earned himself a slug on the shoulder for that little comment.
They passed into the City of Rivers discreetly, not truly wanting to deal with a huge welcoming party. Aelin convinced Rowan to take a day to themselves, for her husband to show her the city itself. The beautiful, simple lives of the citizens of Doranelle. How Rowan had grown up.
It was a perfect day. Aelin loved seeing Doranelle in all its glory. It was truly a work of art, unlike anything she had ever witnessed in her years traipsing the continent. They wore hoods despite the mild, spring weather, the both of them far too recognizable now to move freely without some sort of disguise. It brought her back to the days of being Adarlan’s Assassin.
Rowan brought her to some of his favorite places growing up, showed her a block that sold the traditional street foods of Doranelle for lunch. He bought her some sweets and took her to a lovely park, where they lounged under the shade, just talking and sharing kisses. He took her to a nice restaurant for dinner, snagging a private back room for just the two of them. It was all perfect.
And then the next day, they woke and readied themselves to head to the palace. Aelin managed to wrangle her husband into something nice, though he protested it on the basis of it just being his cousins. She wouldn’t hear of it.
That first day in Doranelle, exploring the streets as nothing more than another citizen, Aelin had been nothing but content and relaxed… but the first sight of that wide, curving bridge that would lead them to the palace had her heart beating just a little bit faster.
She remembered the last time she had crossed this bridge beside Rowan. She had still been going by Celaena then, freshly nineteen, just stepping into her power and her status. Terrified, though she never would have admitted it then. She had already been falling in love with Rowan, and her newly healed heart certainly wouldn’t have survived losing him.
She knew Rowan noticed the small change in her demeanor, feeling him squeeze her hand comfortingly.
They were greeted by Sellene, who was just as elegant and beautiful as Aelin remembered. It was clear she had stepped into her role as ruler with dignity and grace. She embraced Aelin like she was an old friend, making her feel truly welcome.
They were shown to their rooms, given time to settle in and refresh themselves before they would meet in court before dinner.
Their quarters were lovely: bright, open, and airy. The glassless windows allowed for the sweet spring breeze to blow into their room. There was a large bath that Aelin had full intentions of making use of that evening. Hopefully with Rowan. He wouldn’t need much convincing.
Some of Sellene’s ladies came in to help Aelin prepare, making sure her hair was thoroughly brushed and gleaming, twisted up in perfection before placing her crown on top. Her gown was a lovely piece of Terrasen green and intricate silver embroidery.
By the time they were both ready, they made quite a pair. Striking, indeed. Aelin made sure she complimented her husband thoroughly as they made the short trip from their chambers to the throne room.
It managed to distract both Rowan and herself. She barely took in the halls they walked through, some of it twinging deep recesses in her memory, like some sort of dream. But, she forced herself to focus on Rowan, the man she loved, lest the memories get the better of her.
The next thing she knew, they were being announced as they strolled leisurely through the crowded throne room. Fae nobility bowed and curtsied as they walked by, sending them wide, broad grins.
The throne room was so different than Aelin had remembered it. When it had been Maeve perched on that throne, it had been cold and quiet. It had somehow always felt like a trap. But, with Sellene as queen, it was bright and full of life. Music played, people laughed and smiled. It was… good.
A half hour passed by busily. Aelin was introduced to some of Sellene’s courtiers, reintroduced to Rowan’s other cousins. People gave her their thanks, commended her hard work and sacrifice during the war.
It was hectic enough at the beginning to keep her mind thoroughly occupied. Chatting and charming and laughing. It took a while before there was a lull in the conversation, when Aelin wasn’t listening to someone or speaking herself. But, it finally came.
Aelin took the rare moment of solitude to take in her surroundings. Rowan was across the room, talking with his uncle and cousin, Enda. He looked happy, relaxed. She loved it when he smiled.
She looked away from her husband, glancing around the room. Despite her better judgements, her gaze snagged on that throne. It almost looked non-threatening in the late afternoon sunlight, but her gut still twisted. Images of a pale woman with dark hair and a spider’s smile flashed to her mind unwillingly. She flinched, eyes screwing shut and willing the memories of Maeve away. She was successful at first, but not for long. Images and snippets of voices, of screams that she didn’t know came from herself or others, assaulted her all at once.
Aelin’s breathing sped up, her heart hammering beneath her ribs. She felt the phantom bite of broken glass in her knees, heard Maeve’s cruel laughs. She saw Fenrys, heard his cry when Connall spilled his own blood right there by the throne. It was so clean now. Like none of it had ever happened.
But no. That had been real. The other images Maeve had sent her weren’t but…
Suddenly, the airy throne room was too small, too packed. Aelin felt ill. She ducked her head down, slipping out as discreetly as she could manage. The moment she was sure she was out of view, she bunched up her skirts and ran.
Her body remembered the way down into the depths of the palace, though she had never navigated herself. It had left a mark on her soul. She would never forget.
The dungeons below the palace were a stark difference from the open, bright architecture above. It could have been a different world. It was just as dark and cold as Aelin remembered, as it was in her nightmares.
She wasn’t sure how, exactly, she knew which of the near identical, dismal cells had been hers but… she knew. She hesitated outside the door, amazed by just how ordinary it looked. Who would have guessed that she had been held and tortured behind that door for two months?
Aelin pressed her palm against the door, the magic left in her recoiling at the iron she sensed. These dungeons had been built to keep people with magic contained. They had been well designed.
She pushed into the room slowly, using her magic to light the torches lining the walls. She wasn’t sure what she had been expecting to find: a coffin, blood stains, iron chains waiting just for her. But… it was empty. Even the stone table she had been chained to while Cairn carved her up was gone.
Just… nothing.
Aelin wasn’t sure how long she stood there before she sensed a familiar presence behind her. She was wrapped in the familiar scent of pine and snow, Rowan’s warm body standing just behind her. He placed a broad hand on her shoulder. “I thought I’d find you here.”
A tiny smile curved her lips, though she didn’t bother looking back at her mate. “You know me well, husband.”
There were a few beats of silence. Aelin didn't have to be looking at Rowan to know he was carefully considering his next words. So, she did him a favor, and spoke first.
“There’s nothing here,” Aelin said simply, stating the obvious.
“No, there isn’t. Is that a bad thing?”
A tiny shrug. “I don’t know. Yes? No?” Aelin hung her head in defeat, covering Rowan’s hand with her own. “Sometimes, it's hard to believe it all really happened. Without the scars, without the coffin… it just seems like something I dreamed up. I know I didn’t but…”
“But what, Fireheart?”
Her eyes burned with tears, throat tightening. “It would be… comforting, I suppose, to know that the experience left its mark somewhere else than in my head. It was terrifying and hopeless but I don’t want to forget it happened.”
Rowan stepped closer, her back pressed against his chest. He wrapped his strong arms around her securely, pressing a kiss to the back of her head. “I think you know that what happened doesn't only still affect you. I don’t think Lorcan will ever fully forgive himself for summoning Maeve to the beach that day, I don’t think Aedion will ever stop feeling guilty that he hadn’t been there for you when you needed him. And I…”
He trailed off, but Aelin knew Rowan better than she knew herself. She knew his fears, his regrets, his insecurities. Just as Aelin awoke some nights thinking she was back in that coffin, Rowan would wake thinking she was gone. Those nights, he would wrap her tightly in his arms and wouldn’t let go until the sunrise, as if she’d disappear with the morning dew.
She gave a meek nod. “You’re right.”
They stood in silence for a bit longer, stealing strength from one another. After a period of silence, Aelin spoke again.
“I thought it’d be easier by now,” she commented. “I spent most of my life struggling to survive, trying not to die in one way or another. It’s been three years of peace. I know three years is nothing to you and will eventually be nothing to me too but… when does life get easier?”
Rowan didn’t answer right away. “Living, Aelin, is so much harder than dying.”
She sighed and nodded. “You’re right. But when have I ever not stepped up to a challenge?” She looked up at Rowan and smiled cockily. He gave a breathy laugh and pressed a kiss to her temple.
“You’ve already conquered death, Aelin Galathynius,” he said. “I have no doubts you’ll conquer life just as easily.”
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Signals
Year 7 - Chapter 66
Summary: You meet up with Connor in the library but start to worry when Severus takes longer than expected to join you after his meeting with Slughorn.
Word count: 2182
Warnings: Swearing? (I supposed)
A/N: This chapter didn’t end up as I first planned, I’m started to feel a bit repetitive in my storyline, but I suppose we shall see where it takes us. Also it turned out rather short (oops). Hopefully it’s length doesn’t minimize the plot or importance of what happens here.
Previous Chapter - Chapter 1
~
Looking over at the clock on the wall in the corner of the library you’d invaded with Connor, you began to worry Severus had forgotten about your agreement to meet here after his talk with Slughorn. He spoke of nothing but his interest in joining the Society of Potioneers after graduation as a member in training these past couple of weeks, building his profile to submit the application that was due beginning of April. Slughorn was well connected, he made sure the whole world knew that, and Severus knew a reference from him would push his application beyond his competitors and better his chances of receiving an acceptance. Supporting him was the only thing you felt like you could do, completely helpless as you yourself were struggling with figuring out life after Hogwarts. But it was enough for him and you were grateful for that.
Since the start of this year, your excitement for graduation had only grown stronger, even with the weighing dread of stress hanging over you as you riffled through your career options. Nothing would please you more than to play Quidditch for the rest of your life, but the odds of being accepted into a team was very unlikely considering your age and lack of experience, but you had to try nonetheless. Severus of course had nothing negative to say about your application, pushing you to it and supporting you as you did for him.
“He’s brave for trying to get a reference out of Slughorn,” Connor commented when you told him about Severus’ adventures today. “I’ve heard rumours that asking a favour of him is like selling your soul to the devil.”
You laughed at his comparison, Connor smiling in turn. Your friendship with him had been quite the gift this year, even if Severus found him to be intrusive at time. Connor was there for you when Severus wasn’t, he was a breath of fresh air from all the drama your class had created over the years. You’d even grown to enjoy helping him with his assignments and studies despite the repetitiveness and you knew Severus shared that same pleasure despite him claiming otherwise. You were going to miss him next year and from that longing look in his eyes that appeared every time you spoke about graduation, you knew he’d miss you and Severus too.
“Severus is brilliant at Potions, best in our year. Slughorn would be a fool for not offering him a reference,” you said confidently, worry Severus was taking so long because Slughorn had decided otherwise growing like a seed buried in the back of your mind. “And if he ends up ‘selling his soul’, then I’m sure Severus will find a way to get it back.”
Smirking, you imagined him emerging triumphant after going toe to toe with the Devil himself. Severus was a rather mischievous person, ambitious enough to chase his goals, never faltering, never giving up. There was nothing you could imagine Slughorn doing or saying that would stop Severus from obtaining that reference. But no matter what happened, no matter the reason for his current tardiness, you would be there to support him, to comfort him and cheer for him.
“I’ll miss these talks next year,” Connor said with a hint of bitterness in his voice. You looked at his eyes that could brighten the darkest of nights, a smile already etching on the corner of his lips as his sadness turned into hope. Friendship had always been the strongest magic you’d known, even after you found out you were a Witch. Nothing you’d learned at Hogwarts could ever compare to the strength true friends drew from one another and when you met Severus, you’d learned of a new form of magic, one you were sure could conquer all.
“So will I,” you smiled back at him, assuring him he wasn’t the only one who cherished the sudden friendship that had grown between you. “But we’ll write to you, or at least, I will. And you could always come visit over the holidays.”
“I’d like that.” Connor’s smile grew wider, his eyes sparkling with hope, something you’d clearly misunderstood as he slowly stretched out his hand to place over yours. Your eyes shot to his in confusion, his filled with curiosity and optimism. You felt your heart sink at the realization that Severus’ absurd claims hadn’t been so irrational after all, you were only too naive, too blind to see it. You’d wanted so badly to believe the friendship between Connor and Severus could benefit them both, but it seemed like an illusion now, a blindfold you’d placed over your eyes out of sheer denial.
“Connor I-” you whispered, trying to find the words to explain you had no interest in him the way he did for you when you found yourself interrupted by a familiar voice.
“What’s going on?” Whipping your head to the side, you found Severus standing there with his arms crossed, eyes shooting daggers at you both, fumes rising from off his body. You’d never seen him so angry before, not even when Lily had stopped talking to him or when James had saved him from the Whomping Willow. You jumped to your feet in fear of whatever conclusion he’d made, needing to deescalate the situation before it got any worse.
“Nothing,” you said calmly, your eyes completely and utterly focussed on him as you slowly approached him. You felt like he was on the edge of a cliff he could never recover from if he took another step forward. Your heart raged with fright at how quickly the situation had flown out of hand and you were completely powerless to stop Severus from jumping off the deep end. But nothing scared you more than the very real possibility you were just about to lose Severus, that he’d never come back to you after stepping off the edge of the dangerous territory he was crossing now.
“We were just talking about-” Connor’s voice was so much smaller than you were used to, you almost didn’t recognize it when he spoke.
“About how you want to be with my girlfriend?” Your heart nearly stopped as he tumbled, your hand grasping to catch his, holding him tightly to try and pull him from off that cliff. He’d spoken before he thought of what consequences his words may bring, about how venomous his tone was, poisoning those around him.
“What?” You could hear Connor almost choking on the word. Daring to look back, you saw him staring at you both wide eyed with shock, the exact thing you were hoping to avoid when you’d decided together you wouldn’t tell Connor you were dating. Your own anger boiled as you saw the hurt in Connor’s eyes. Severus had gone from defensive and upset to vigorous and unstable in mere moments.
“Severus.” You spoke in a calming yet stern voice, a bit of warning thrown his way in fear of what may happen next if he didn’t recoil from where he stood. He’d already made the situation so much worse when he so bluntly accused Connor of doing something you didn’t even get the chance to correct. Things would have been fine if you’d just explained to Connor you weren’t interested, if Severus had only shown up thirty seconds later.
“I-I didn’t know you two were dating,” Connor said and you could tell by his tone he was beyond taken back by the mess that had unfolded before you. Your Ravenclaw friend didn’t know Severus as well as you did, he didn’t know Severus only tends to overreact like this when he’s under immense pressure and stress. His meeting with Slughorn hadn’t gone well, you could tell and you knew that had to be the reason why he was acting so rash.
“LIAR,” Severus howled, completely ignoring the fact you were all still in the library. You felt yourself shrivel at his sudden burst in volume, your heart racing but you kept your eyes on him, taking a step forward hoping he could still be pulled back from off that damn cliff. “You knew, you just didn’t care you filthy mu-”
“SEVERUS!” You shouted, absolutely stunned at the line he so easily crossed without a second thought. You stared at him in horror as he finally seemed to snap out of his anger fueled hysteria when you caught his hand as he hung off the cliff of devotion, a sea of darkness sitting beneath him, waiting to gobble him up. His eyes softened as he realized what he’d done, darting between you and Connor as he fell completely speechless.
Flashbacks to fifth year filled his mind as you looked at him with disappointment, his anger now transferred to you. You had that same look on your face as Lily, the same look of betrayal and resentment when he’d uttered that awful word to her. He knew it was too good to be true, that it would never last, that he was destined to live alone. A year of working at your relationship, a full year of true happiness and stability and he’d ruined it in seconds, sure there was nothing he could say or do this time to make up for it just as Lily had stated nearly two years ago.
“I think I’ll make my way,” Connor mumbled as he gathered his belongings, avoiding looking at either of you. Severus could see the hurt in his eyes, the devastation for what he’d done. He wanted to apologize, to find the magic words that would undo what he’s done, but they didn’t exist, he’d learned that the hard way. Looking back at you, he waited to watch you pack up as well, leave him and walk off with Connor, abandoning him, but you didn’t move.
“Connor, I’m sorry,” you said sincerely, apologizing for the boy who just stood there like a lost puppy, wearing a frown on his face rather than trying to reprimand what he just said.
“Don’t be. It’s not your fault,” Connor shot Severus a rather harsh look, something you never thought you’d see from the kind Ravenclaw before throwing his bag over his shoulders and walking away. Logic told you to follow, to run after Connor and explain yourself, comfort him and make sure he was okay, but it wasn’t him you worried about. It wasn't him you loved, and you couldn’t leave Severus alone now. Judging by the utter broken look on his face, he needed you more than Connor.
Severus watched with his heart tearing in half as you packed up your own things, your anger free to expand now that Connor had left. He felt tears prickle the corners of his eyes as he thought of how happy he’d been with you, mourning the loss of something so good, something he’d learned to depend on so heavily over the last few years, he couldn’t imagine living without you anymore.
“(Y/N).” His throat was so dry, your name came out hoarse as he spoke, reaching out to try and stop you, but he couldn’t bring himself to go near you, afraid he’d only worsen the situation. He felt powerless as you picked up your bag only to be surprised when you took hold of his hand and dragged him along with you. Neither of you spoke a single word as you led him out of the library, your hand holding him tightly, your anger pouring out into each stride you took.
“(Y/N), w-where are we going?” he asked cautiously, the power he held back in the library completely vanished as his voice shrank. Never did he think he’d fear you, the girl who’d supported him over the years, who’d never had anything negative to say about him, but in this moment, he worried over whatever was on your mind. He could only imagine what consequences you had in store for what he’d done, how you’d break up with him and hand him back everything he’d given you, everything that represented the love between you.
“Somewhere where we can talk without the entire school hearing us,” you gritted between your teeth without so much as giving him a glance. You could feel your anger bubbling the closer you got to the astronomy tower, once a place of solitude, friendship, love and acceptance now to be a place of rage, disappointment and devastation. You were not looking forward to the discussion you were about to have with him, something you never thought you’d have to do. It scared you to realize you didn’t know Severus as well as you thought, that he still held such resentment, such hate within him. But most of all, it scared you to realize that you might not be able to get through to him, to help him and support him like you thought you had over the last few years. You wanted so badly to believe your love for him would get you through this, but after what happened today, you weren’t sure if it would be enough anymore.
~
Next Chapter
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#Severus Snape#Severus x reader#Severus Snape x reader#Snape x reader#young Severus Snape#young Snape x reader#my fanfic#my writing#pro Snape#snapedom#female reader
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A Big Bang, Mr. Spock, A Vintage Toy, And The Newer Submissive...
After an insanely long day being a good worker bee, I was doing more work at home with the TV on as background noise. There was a Big Bang Theory marathon on and it was serving a great purpose of entertaining me during breaks in my work. Then suddenly found myself caught up in an episode where Penny purchased for Leonard and Sheldon new and mint in box Star Trek toys from the 1970s. To make a long story short, Sheldon gives in to his id, breaks open the box, and plays with his toy. This adventure turns tragic and humorous when the toy breaks and he goes to great lengths to hide this while attempting to exchange his broken toy with Leonard’s still mint inbox. Sheldon’s antics as well as the process he follows to admit what he has done provided a welcome break from my work crap-o-la. This pause in my work did spark a thought about kink and hopefully, over the next bit, you can see how Penny, Leonard, Sheldon, Mr. Spock, and a 1970’s Star Trek transporter toy made my brain think about what it is like to be newer to the lifestyle and submissive.
Sheldon’s broken transporter toy caused me to think back to my childhood and I think we all knew a kid who was always breaking their toys, on purpose and this child’s parents would simply buy them a new one to replace the broken toy. No matter how many times or the expense this spoiled youngster would just be given a new toy as a replacement. Sadly, some of these compulsive toy breakers did grow up and find their way into the world of D/S. However, now that they are all grown up the toys they are breaking are not G.I. Joes or smashing Ken and his car through Barbie’s dream house. They are preying upon and attempting to shatter something much worse, the new submissive.
I want to chat about how someone new to the lifestyle can potentially discover these toy breakers before learning this life lesson through experience. First, know these people are not dominants but are predators who are out looking to prey upon those who are new. If you have almost been or have been victimized by one of these creep-its do not blame yourself because they are very good at what they do.
I want to start by talking about an experience most people who are new have and they are hopping around Tumblr, FetLife, or the kink-friendly site of their choice on a dark, starry night and they stumble upon someone who has created an image that they are an expert. Now on many sites that are kinky-based or friendly, many people are amazing leaders within the community and they exist side by side with the faux expert and their evil spawn, the predator hunting new people. I can imagine that it can feel very challenging to try to figure out which is the wheat or the chaff, so I have some suggestions that my help identify those with bad intentions:
They will often be dismissive of others in the community. The thoughts and opinions of anyone who dissents from their views are dismissed and disparaged.
These people may use phrases like sub trainer or even scarier sub breaker. Remember, even though a person may be a new submissive, they are still unique and their likes/desires do not need to be trained and certainly not broken.
They will not want someone to seek opinions or ideas from others, especially if those thoughts vary from their own.
If they post writings and not just hardcore porn, their writings/thoughts may feature soft, sensual D/S images where the pictures are powerful, inviting while designed to mask what is hidden in the words. While not all who use words and images together are bad but it is imperative to focus on strictly the words by removing the visual from your mind.
Look for contradictions. For example, if a d-type says they are a feminist or they support women’s rights but when you carefully read their words phrases “like all women naturally desire a dominant partner” or “women were designed to serve their leader” appear.
Blog posts and their expressions will often contain references to taking, seizing, overpowering, or any other word/phrase that denotes submission is something that can be taken, captured, demanded, or simply expected. Submission can only be freely given by the submissive and I believe a dominant will never ask for or in any way attempt to coax it from an s-type.
Anything that implies a submissive is weak or not as powerful as a dominant. Submissives are not weak or in any way shape or form less than a d-type.
Do not fall for the old line that a real submissive will or will not do/act a certain way poppycock. It is up to you to decide what is real or not. Just because you want/enjoy something that someone else dislikes, does not diminish or take away from who you are or make you less submissive. If you see or hear this line of crap-o-la, know what it truly is, an attempt to bully you or someone else into doing as the dumbinant wants.
Relationships, kinky or vanilla, are still partnerships. People who are dismissive of this should be looked at with a wary eye.
Beware of fake news in writings and blog posts. Some of the more creative predators will appear to reference scholarly work to support their beliefs. Even though you see references to legitimate scholars, for example, Dr. So and So says, there never is any documentation. Writing a kinky blog post does not sound like a place for documentation, but if you are going to using other’s work to support a thesis or use a quote, documenting the source (right down to the page number) is imperative because it is the right thing to do (which speaks to the person’s honesty) but also so the reader can verify that the quote or information is not taken out of context or fabricated. Remember, “All quotes on the internet are true” - Abraham Lincoln.
Be wary of those who use dominance to hide their insecurities. No matter how accomplished an individual is, everyone has insecurities. Some claim dominance but will also deny having even a single insecurity. Should you encounter this, channel your inner Robot, “Danger Will Robinson, Danger!” Robot, Lost In Space.
Never accept or allow someone to tell, imply or suggest that you should distance yourself from family and/or friends. Those that prey often look to break a submissive from their support system.
Build friendships with other dominants and submissives so you can seek advice from them. Even if they are casual, they can be a sounding board and second opinion.
Being dominant is not an excuse to not be respectful to others. Those who express that a dominant cannot be courteous or are so cocky that their behavior is asshatted, need to be stepped away from.
The only person who knows what you want and is YOU. Do not allow others to suggest they know better than you what your thoughts and desires are.
If you feel that you are being manipulated or if a dominant is making you question your sanity, RUN! Always trust yourself and your feelings.
We all have heard the expression that life is short, but also remember there is no reason to rush into things. Take your time, learn about yourself and what you want. You do not need to jump into any relationship or be pressured to do so. It may take you years before you feel comfortable in the lifestyle. There is no hurry. Life is a journey, enjoy it.
Always be careful with the information you share with someone online as predatory individuals can use this against you. Think of it as having your “rights” read to you. Anything you do, say, or share can be used against you, so always be conscious of what you are sharing.
Building trust is a great thing but when you are vetting someone, always verify.
If the conversation is led or focused on kinky play, sex, or both, this is a red flag that this is all the individual is seeking.
Always inquire about safe words and run faster than Forrest Gump from anyone who says they refuse to use/dislikes them. Being submissive does not in any way remove your right to say no for any reason and at any time.
There is no one true way to get your kink on and what works for you is amazing. Do not let anyone tell you otherwise.
Lastly, dating in the world of kink is a very complex process. Your vanilla friends may complain about the complexities they face but do not forget that kink relationships have to work as vanilla relationships while blending in D/S. Do not fall into the trap of trying to just match fetishes because the perfectly imperfect partner will fit both your traditional, vanilla relationship needs as well as your lifestyle needs.
Thank you for taking the time to read this as I know it is a bit on the long side and many people online seem to have the attention span of a nat, so I appreciate the investment of your time. I also hope that some of my thoughts will help keep a newer to the lifestyle person from having a bad experience while giving lifestyle veterans a pleasant reminder on safely getting to know others.
As with all of my writings, please see this disclaimer.
©TLK2021
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Hi! Love your writing! Would you ever consider doing a Billy Hargrove x plus size reader? Maybe the reader is shy and nerdy so the party are always hanging around her, she's like an cool older sister to them. Billy finds the kids annoying because they're always around the reader when he tries to ask her out. Thanks!
heya love! very sorry I took my time with this but I wanted to make it perfect as a chubby girl myself. I really hope you enjoy it, this is probably the longest piece I've ever written, it's like four in one. solis x
pairing: Billy Hargrove x female plus size!reader
fandom: stranger things
warnings: bullies unsurprisingly, nothing terrible, abusive families, domestic abuse
fourth time lucky. bh.
the three times billy hargrove tried to ask you out, and the one time it actually worked.
hair pushed back, cig hanging gently on his smiling lips and jeans sprayed onto his muscular thighs; Billy Hargrove looked almost delectable as he stood, leaning against your lockers and waiting for you to show up. this had become a regular thing since you'd first started hanging out, and though the other teenagers of Hawkins couldn't work out why Billy would want to hang around for you, he couldn't care less. whenever he needed someone real to comfort him, and show him he was worthy of love and affection, you were there. you made him feel more alive, and that made him breathless ironically whenever he was around you. touch starved was never a word Billy would ever associate with himself until he met you. no matter how many girls had laid their hands on him, he needed none of them as much as he needed your touch.
already this afternoon, Tommy had tried to pull him away, promising him a girl at his party later on, but Billy simply shook his head and remained where he was. you were due a free period right now, and he wanted to skip and go hang out before the end of school when he'd have to pick up Max.
it was through Max and the gang that the two of you had met properly for the first time, and though she'd hated his insistent flirting, she had to admit that she didn't mind hanging out with you more. suddenly less boisterous and cruel, whenever he was around you, Max noticed how Billy would change. he loved how much you cared about the gang, even if he could never work out why you cared so much.
caring and sweet, yet undeniably outspoken and confident: it was something Billy loved about you - you had the capability to show so much love, perhaps because of experiencing a severe lack of it, but on the other hand, you still stood up for yourself and protected the ones you loved fiercely. your years in high school before billy had been ridden with cruel taunts and bullying because of your appearance, hence why you began hanging out with the gang, but since he had joined, people quickly learned not to mention you in the wrong way. whether it was the love he felt for you in his heart that motivated him to dish out bruises and broken bones in your honour, or the way you always patched him up after and kissed his bruised knuckles as a thank you, he wasn't really sure. in his heart, he knew it was a mixture of both.
Billy had been too caught up in his thoughts to notice you coming around the corner moments before, but when he heard your laughter bouncing through the corridor, he knew it was you. gazing on in adoration, he watched as you walked towards him, your boots hitting the ground quicker when you noticed him waiting. your smiles and soft skin just visible from your clothes made him nervous, and though he wasn't accustomed to the feeling he'd put up with it if you were part of the deal.
"hey princess, been missing you," he smirked, removing his cigarette to talk properly. up close, he made a note that you were wearing one of his old shirts, one he had left at yours one night after a fight with his father. the bitter memory of his injuries was somewhat sweetened by the memory of you kissing his wounds and holding him. he hoped you'd find comfort in him too.
"hey Billy, thanks for waiting," softly smiling back, you pressed your hands against his chest and pushed him back so you could open your locker. as you touched him, gentle but firm, his muscles tensed noticeably and he felt his heart race a little faster.
"so uhh, I had something I wanted to ask you doll," his demeanour quickly became less relaxed, and you felt yourself fill with nerves. a blush spread across your cheeks when he called you that pet name, your imagination getting the better of you. imagining him whispering, groaning that pet name in another predicament completely made your skin feel hot to the touch.
right as you nodded and he went to continue, one of the gang cleared their throats in an effort to get your attention.
you chuckled as you watched his face quickly drop. behind you stood the gang smiling up at Billy, half scared, half amused. the way you'd yelled at him in the past for even laying a finger on them made him too scared to dare do anything, but the threat remained in their minds.
the kids muttered between themselves as you and Billy took a step aside. you tried to keep your head straight as you watched his muscles tense and the st christopher bounce against his chest, but you still felt slightly dizzy. with you stood against the lockers, him mere centimetres away, your mind was racing and you just hoped he couldn't tell.
"princess..." his tone was a mix of warning and pleading, and made your hair stand on edge. Billy knew the kids wanted to come and hang out at your house, since no one else's parents would allow it. but Billy wanted you to himself for once, and when it came to you, whatever Billy wanted, he usually got. perhaps not today though.
shaking his head, Billy knew he'd lost the battle when you smiled and tilted your head at him.
"okay, but they're gonna have to make it up to me at some point," he stated, loud enough for the whole corridor to hear, turning to you with a smile, he whispered, "and so will you doll."
a few weeks later, you found yourself sat on the bleachers in the school gym, watching Billy practice. confident, proud and talented: Billy knew he was good at basketball, better than anyone else on the team, so he enjoyed the moments on the pitch. it was one of those moments where Billy felt good at something; it was something he could be proud of.
lighting up with joy, his face was always a wonder when he noticed you were watching, and it made your stomach fill with butterflies. though you were sure the guys on his team would've said something about you hanging around, you were also sure he'd shut them up. it made you nervous being in a room full of boys that had made your high school experience suck, but the occasional smiles from Billy were worth it.
the mainly quiet gym, hour long practice and shirtless Billy were all more than enough to convince you to attend every practice he had, using the space to revise or study (or spend your time gazing at the boy of your dreams). as well as this, Billy always rushed through showering and getting ready afterwards to take you to a local diner, where the two of you would hang out and waste away the evening with jukebox dancing and milkshakes.
having the privilege to be in the presence of post workout Billy was something you'd never stop being grateful for, because his bad boy act usually dropped during these times. buzzing with energy, he'd grab your hand while he drove down the endless country roads and tell you stories of running away, making a new life. his eyes would electrify, and you'd both lose track of time, playing his music way too loud and dancing badly.
hopefully, today would be no different. you both had a big test the next day and you had revised so much your brain had turned grey and blurry. Billy needed a pick me up too, since his home life had been worsening, so you vowed to make tonight memorable for him. planning ahead, you'd packed a bag with a blanket and some snacks, hoping to find somewhere to stop and have a fire.
as you finished going through your notes one last time, the coach blew the final whistle indicating practice was over. after receiving a wink from Billy and waving back to him gleefully, you began packing away your notebooks and headed for the car park, where you'd wait for him.
by the time Billy joined you, his hair still wet from the showers, you were freezing, your jumper not quite shielding from the bitter mid spring air. immediately, Billy picked up on this and before even greeting you his jacket was wrapped around your frame. it made you nervous sometimes, since his clothes weren't as baggy on you as they would be on other girls, and this threatened to wipe the smile off of your face.
"sorry I took so long doll, Steve was giving me shit," although his face showed obvious distaste for Steve, his eyes still softened at the sight of you in his clothes: "you look gorgeous today y/n, even better with my jacket."
blushing, you hugged him silently, chuckling to yourself when he slipped his hand into his jacket pocket to reach for a his lighter and cigarettes.
"there's no surprise," swinging open the door for you, he simply ignored your remark, so you continued, "what's the plan for today then?"
Billy had also wanted today to be special. he'd thought it over and over in his mind, trying to think of something good enough, a way to ask you out properly that suited you, showed you how much your deserved. he thought he'd come up with a pretty good idea, but it would have to be a surprise for now to make the reveal even more worthwhile.
"well babe, that is a surprise, you'll have to wait and see," he teased, a smirk rolling around his lips, sharing the space with his lit cigarette. hopping into the seat next to you, Billy began driving away from Hawkins high school, his palm resting gently on your thigh. a small affection you had grown to love, the feel of his palm against your skin set your body alight almost and you had to fight the smile threatening your lips.
Billy eventually let you know he needed to pick some things up from his house before you could set off together to do whatever he had planned, claiming he'd left something at home that morning. therefore, when his Camaro rolled up the street to his house, you settled into the seat, not expecting to have to wait long before he'd be back.
with the weight of his denim jacket on your torso, you fiddled with the seams of it, adoring the way it swamped your body even if you knew you probably looked ridiculous. tuning out to the situation, you knew Billy wouldn't invite you in at all, so you busied yourself organising the front seat of his car, something he'd probably kill anyone else for.
living with his father, there were certain things Billy was sensitive to, things he could piece together pretty quickly to decipher the situation. so when he saw the lights of the living room illuminating the house and heard the stern voice of his father hollering through the house, it set his body on full alert. he knew pretty quickly it had something to do with Max, since she had told him not to bother taking her home, saying she didn't want to wait until practice was over.
Billy figured he could buy perhaps another half hour to drive you home and pretend like everything was normal; the outcome would be the same regardless, he'd be blamed and punished for whatever stupid thing his step sister had decided to do.
hands shaking, Billy returned to the car, his lips pressed tightly together as he gripped the steering wheel white knuckled.
realising the tension coursing through his body, you slowly placed your hand in his empty one, holding it on one of your thighs. only moments before he'd been touching your skin with a completkely different emotion racing through his veins. he'd been overtaken by excitement and anticipation, wondering whether he'd finally be able to kiss you tonight and hear you call him yours properly. fear and adrenaline had replaced this now, and anticipation for a completely different evening set his heart beating off time.
his eyes trailed over to you for a second, a silent acknowledgement, a thank you for showing him the love he needed. whether you were good with words or not, it didn't matter since he probably wouldn't hear you over his heart pounding.
keeping him grounded, the warmth of your hands around his and the soft of your thighs held him in place; reminded him there was good in the world.
"I... Billy I wanted to say something, and I don't know if now is the right time," you started, regretting the words as soon as they left your mouth, but not being able to stop once you'd started, " you mean the world to me, and I..."
the words got choked in your throat, and though his eyes remained on the road, you felt the car pull over so he could focus on you. it was so fucking embarrassing to Billy. tonight of all nights, when Billy was planning to ask you to be his girl, his little sister had decided to sneak out instead of riding home, and got caught. his dad was furious and now Billy was livid with Max again. but most of all, he was embarrassed that his home life was so fucked up, he couldn't even take the time outside of school to ask you on a date.
processing the words you were speaking to him wasn't really working in his overactive mind, and you could tell. reaching with your hands, you held his face and as you spoke, he watched your lips shamelessly
"I'm sorry it's like this Billy. I wish I could do something. I just want you to be safe."
Billy didn't have anything in mind to respond to your sympathy with, so he simply leaned into your touch one final time.
"you should get going. I'll pick you up tomorrow morning. my dad..." he trailed off but you understood clearly.
miserably reaching for your bag, you leaned over to him and kissed his cheek before clambering out and making your way up to your house. butterflies still fluttered around your stomach at the small moment of bliss, having him so close yet so far, even if the moment was horrifically tainted.
Billy traces his fingers across the shape your lips has branded into his cheek and smiles softly for a second, forgetting himself in your love.
today, Billy had noticed something different about you. adorned in one of his borrowed band shirts, a confidence seemed to radiate from your skin, and though he didn't know what had provoked it, he was determined to keep it there.
glittering with amusement, your eyes widened as he stole your book from your hands and took the seat next to you. in the cafeteria especially, many wondered why Billy Hargrove, the legend, would sit with someone quite a bit lower down the social ladder. even so, his presence, along with the faint smell of cigarettes and aftershave, followed you in your lunch periods and you were eternally grateful. you loved spending your lunch times listening to him complain about Steve and Tommy, and you loved how he'd listen intently to your ramblings about school, home and whatever work you were doing.
whenever Billy wasn't with you, cutting remarks would haunt you like a second shadow, and though you were big enough to deal with it yourself, it was nice not having to.
as he winked at you and dropped your book back into your lap, your heart swelled a little and you didn't quite notice one of his teammates walking by, so when his voice cut through your moment harshly.
"hey Billy, I didn't realise you were trying on the fat girl? c'mon there's much better-" the boy didn't quite get to finish his sentence before Billy had him against a nearby support, clearly furious.
gripping the lapels of his jacket, Billy practically growled, "I suggest you shut the hell up before I beat your ass," before dropping him, realising the staff members had caught on to his out burst. as well as the rest of the students, whose eyes quickly landed on you, shaking and visibly embarrassed.
pathetically whimpering as he crawled away, the boy avoided your path when he noticed you snatch your bag and make a run for it. breathing hard, Billy quickly grabbed his jacket before chasing after you as you hurried outside, gasping for air. your cheeks felt like they were on fire and you couldn't help but wish it didn't have to be like this.
you cursed his athletic nature when he caught up to you almost immediately, whispering "hey, hey don't cry babe, don't cry about him, he's an asshole," over and over while pulling you into a hug.
until he mentioned it, you didn't notice you were crying, fat tears making his sweater soggy. glittering again, this time your eyes struggled to meet his when he pulled away to speak to you.
"I'm so, I'm sorry you had to do that for me Billy, I," you started in between wiping the tears away on your sleeve. wrapping his jacket around you, he smiled and replied "it's no problem, I just wanna see you smiling girl, that's all. I just lose my temper when they say shit like that because I just..." before he managed to finish his sentence, you took his hand, already half expecting but not quite believing what he was about to say. trembling but warm, strong; his eyes dropped to your hands intertwined and you were somewhat shocked to see a blush forming across his cheeks.
"I wanna look after you forever y/n. hate seeing you upset, you're too important to me," Billy couldn't believe he'd copped out with such a wishy washy answer, but it satisfied you. you knew what he really meant behind his words and you felt the same, which was why you pushed yourself into his arms again and kept your face pushed against his neck for longer than before.
the cold bite of his metal jewellery against your skin mixed with the faint smell of his cologne made you almost light headed, overtaken with love and light swarming your insides, but with his arms around your waist, there was nothing but safety to be felt.
smiling against his skin, you whispered loud enough for only him to hear,
"you're important to me too Billy, always will be."
perhaps a month or so later, Billy stood against his Camaro, a cigarette painting his lips with grey smoke, watching as you ran over to him. smiles exchanged from a distance as usual, he couldn't help but notice yours was bigger than usual and he wondered why.
knuckles clenching when he saw Steve and the children close by, following your heels, he felt worry wash over him and he became gripped by the though that Steve had perhaps made a move. Billy had always gotten the idea that Steve was interested, since you hung out more than average friends due your shared love for the kids. it could've also been a sense of masculinity that Billy had always felt he needed to uphold - Steve had been the king once and what would stop you from seeing that he was better for you than Billy would ever be?
Billy had never had to deal with feelings of insufficiency before, and he wasn't quite sure what to do. washed away as quickly as they had arrived though, he felt himself calm when you came closer and fixed his collar for him. his breath fanning against your neck as you reached to unfurl the collar, his warmth enveloped you and it took everything in you to hold back.
blissed out from just that moment, Billy took a few seconds to realise there was something in your hand before asking, eyeing the kids behind you.
"there's a fair coming nearby!" El butted in, earning a ruffle of her hair from you and a slight smile from Billy - he had to admit she was cute sometimes.
"and obviously, we're going," you proposed, half asking, half demanding.
Steve smirked at the way you placed a hand on Billy's chest, unconcerned at the glare he received from Billy as a result.
"I'm off, come on kids, you can come to mine," Steve announced, giving you a smile that just reeked of 'tell him you pussy'.
a few goodbyes were said and hugs were given, and then you were alone with Billy, Max clambering into the car to give you a minute. perhaps even she could sense what was going to happen.
Billy simply raised an eyebrow having clearly worked out there was something on your mind.
"Billy, I've been wanting to say it for a while and I wasn't really sure how you'd react, but," hot, red and fast, Billy could feel his blood pulsating as the words tumbled from your lips, but he couldn't stop looking at them.
"I wanted to know if you'd go to the fair with me, as more than just friends? I get it if not, but I like you a lot and it's kinda..."
before you could finish your sentence, Billy was asking if he could kiss you, ignoring everyone around you.
soft, warm and comforting, his lips against yours convinced you you had no reason to be nervous. the kiss quickly deepened, your hands laced through his hair and his settled on your waist.
"God I've waited too long for this," he whispered into your neck.
#billy hargove x reader#stranger things imagine#stranger things#billy hargove imagine#billy hargrove#dacre x reader#dacre montgomery#billy#billy x plus size reader#stranger things plus sizs#plus size reader#requested#soliswrites#my writing#imagine#stranger things writing#steve harrington#billy hargrove x plus size reader#plus size#female reader
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hello,how would you deal with lost ? I think i just cant make peace with it
hi :) that's a big question. Loss is such a hard thing to comprehend sometimes because whatever it is, it changes you and your life. It's always been a difficult thing for me to accept (and still is tbh) but I think the loss of a person means you're losing a part of yourself too. So, you have to learn to live with and accept the new you too. And that's really hard when all you can feel is immense pain. Grief and loss, at least at the beginning, does not give much space for reason.
I'll use a Joanna Newsom quote here to help me cuz she's better at putting it into words than me: "Everyone’s getting older. When I crossed that line in my mind where I knew I was with the person that I wanted to marry, it was a very heavy thing, because you’re inviting death into your life. You know that that’s hopefully after many, many, many, many years, but the idea of death stops being abstract, because there is someone you can’t bear to lose. when it registers as true, it’s like a little shade of grief that comes in when love is its most real version. Then it contains death inside of it, and then that death contains love inside of it." Isn't that so true? Loss and grief is inseparable from love. But it also means, your loved one, whoever or whatever it is, lives on in your love and in your memory. It's hard for us as humans, brought up in a physical world, surrounded by things, to maybe see the loss of someone as just a physical loss, a loss of a body, touch, but not soul, their memory, how they made you feel because we tend to first equate the human with the body. But they're still there in those past experiences, and those memories and feelings are yours forever. No one can take them away.
There's a really beautiful story about Kafka encountering a little girl who had lost her doll told by May Benatar:
"Franz Kafka, the story goes, encountered a little girl in the park where he went walking daily. She was crying. She had lost her doll and was desolate.
Kafka offered to help her look for the doll and arranged to meet her the next day at the same spot. Unable to find the doll he composed a letter from the doll and read it to her when they met.
"Please do not mourn me, I have gone on a trip to see the world. I will write you of my adventures." This was the beginning of many letters. When he and the little girl met he read her from these carefully composed letters the imagined adventures of the beloved doll. The little girl was comforted.
When the meetings came to an end Kafka presented her with a doll. She obviously looked different from the original doll. An attached letter explained: "my travels have changed me... "
Many years later, the now grown girl found a letter stuffed into an unnoticed crevice in the cherished replacement doll. In summary it said: "every thing that you love, you will eventually lose, but in the end, love will return in a different form.""
Time. I think it a big part of it comes down to time. It doesn't mean that time necessarily heals all wounds but I think it can help soothe them. It can help you accept the loss or teach you how to live with it.
Someone once asked me how I interpret the line "Love is not a symptom of time. Time is just a symptom of love" and I think I'd say it all rings true to me here too. Loss is part of love. I'll add it here, maybe you'll find something in that response that might soothe you <3
#i'm sorry for such a long-winded answer#sometimes i ramble too much#but i hope this helps you even if it's just a little#q and a#anonymous
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Scars You Can’t See - Chapter 7
Chapter title: Exhaustion
Word count: about 3300 words
Author’s Note: Thank you all for being so patient with me during the months this fic was on hiatus...but thankfully, the wait is over! I hope you all enjoy!
No warnings for this chapter, though it is pretty dark.
First | Previous | Next
...
The team had been working nonstop through the past several days, spending hours upon hours at different libraries throughout Westopolis and the surrounding areas. They never used the same one twice, so they couldn’t be traced. Hopefully.
Loading the full video and an explanation onto the three different USB drives they had bought took up most of that time, since it required a lot of formatting and download time and they couldn’t stay in any one place for too long. Rouge was the most talented with technology from her hacking experience, but slow Internet connections were something even she couldn’t work around.
Shadow really wanted to be a major part of the process, but his struggles with the video itself had posed serious issues for his involvement. While he had eventually been able to view the other part of the film, he’d still had a strong reaction and then needed an hour to decompress afterwards, all while feeling frustrated at (in his words) his “lack of self-control”.
Rouge and Omega were strongly opposed to that wording, since it suggested that his trauma- because it was trauma, despite his arguments- was something that he could control.
In the end, Shadow was often forced to take a backseat during much of the work, or else his mental state would be a mess throughout the rest of the day. He still helped out in any way possible, though, even if it was something as simple as going out to buy food to keep Rouge’s strength up.
Today was the final day. Team Dark was fully prepared to make a post on three of their main social media pages, and all three envelopes with the USB drives inside had been mailed out (under the false cover of being simple job application letters). They were headed to three different media organizations, which- while not necessarily mainstream- were at least somewhat reputable and sympathetic to their current cause.
While it was still unlikely that the general public opinion would change after this information release, there would hopefully be enough supporters for this to mean something.
At exactly 12:00 p.m. on Oceanic Standard Time, ten days after Team Dark had stolen their original files and fled capture by G.U.N., the videos were released out into the world for everyone to see.
At 12:01 p.m., OST, as the team watched from a public computer, the Internet basically exploded.
All three of the team’s accounts were flooded within seconds, ablaze with accusations, conspiracy theories, and more. The best were the expressions of sympathy and support, though. Those boosted the general mood in the room while providing the three with enough bravery to actually write back to a few people.
There were a few particularly vocal supporters who the team members recognized right away… it seemed that the members of Team Sonic had grown tired of sitting around while their friends put their lives on the line and were now channeling all of their frustration into their keyboards. The team’s morale only rose higher. (However, considering the depths they had been in before, this mainly meant that they seemed almost normal again.)
Through it all, G.U.N. remained silent.
The team decided not to stay at the computer for long- the organization was always watching and probably had some of their best hackers on the case already. Shadow grabbed a couple of books before they left, but none of them really even had the energy to read at this point. They’d spent so many late nights going over and over the wording of everything they would say and every move that they would make, and the replies they’d given just now were carefully considered by all three of them as well.
As soon as they made it back to the hotel, Omega whipped out his charging cord and shoved it into an outlet, and Shadow fell face-down onto the bed. “Oh chaos. Oh chaos we’re really in it now, aren’t we.”
Rouge sighed, sinking into a chair and massaging her brow. “Yes, we are. It's worth it, though.”
“I know.” Shadow muttered into the bedspread. “It’s just…” he trailed off, uncertain as to how to express his thoughts.
“...exhausting.” Rouge finished his sentence for him. “It’s tiring to work so hard on something, all the time.”
The hedgehog pointed a gloved finger at her briefly, before letting his hand fall back onto the mattress. “That sums it up perfectly.”
They lay there for awhile, just allowing themselves to rest after the frenzy of the past few days.
Eventually, though, Shadow forced himself to sit up. “So what are we doing next?” he asked, a frown set low over his eyes.
Rouge got to her feet, exhaustion weighing down her movements. “I think we should probably take a couple of days before we do anything else, hon. That was a lot of work.”
“I know,” Shadow said quickly, looking down at the mint-green sheets of the bed. “I didn’t mean to suggest that you weren’t working hard, I just-”
“I didn’t think you were.” she said gently. “I know you want to stop them as soon as possible, and so do I. But...we’re not in any shape to do much like this- being tired always makes people sloppy.”
Rouge smirked faintly. “I learned that one the hard way.” she mused, recalling a particular heist that she’d tried to pull off after going 48 hours without sleep. It had not ended well, to say the least.
“I’m gonna head down to that restaurant we looked at earlier. I need food.” the bat muttered quietly. Omega gave her a thumbs-up as she walked out the door.
Rouge wandered through the town, looking around. She saw so many different people, all of them going about their ordinary lives, and reminded herself that soon enough, the world would be just a little bit safer for them to enjoy. This raised her spirits, if only slightly. Just enough that she felt like being a little more friendly to the (likely overworked and underpaid) workers in the restaurant than usual.
In fact, she suspected that recently when she had gone out to eat, she’d come off as almost as sulky as Shadow- constant work and paranoia really took it out of a person. Today, though, her work was temporarily finished, and she could take a deep breath with, if not relaxation, then at least a certain amount of freedom.
Rouge got her food quickly, but with a (perhaps a little too) bright smile and a cheerful wave.
She left a sizable tip in the glass jar out front, all the while trying to ignore a little voice inside her head that whispered you should give that money to others, you won’t be needing it for much longer…
The bat hated trying to imagine just what G.U.N. was capable of, as well as the potential consequences of their actions. That was exactly why she spent the rest of the day relaxing in her room with Shadow and Omega, mostly reading or playing board games with them. As nice as it was to be able to relax and not obsess over sentences and file formats, they all missed being able to go about their ordinary lives, instead of having to control their every move in order to stay alive. She could feel it in the atmosphere of the room.
Out of nowhere, Rouge felt the sudden fervent hope that Shadow’s motorbike and Omega’s weapons collection would be okay. She had seen the occasional picture of Club Rouge during her time spent working, and it was all cordoned off and dark and sad...she had made a lot of fond memories there.
Whether or not some of those memories were of kicking particularly irritating patrons to the curb when their behavior went too far was entirely nobody else’s business.
Rouge hoped for another day or two like this before they had to do any more work- they needed it if they were going to succeed. Shadow had dark rings under his eyes and this was Omega’s first day in over a week where he hadn’t gotten a “power low” warning. If they tried to pull off the kind of heist she had in mind like this, they wouldn’t stand a chance.
The next morning, however, it became clear that Team Dark wouldn’t get that kind of luxury until their work was completely finished.
Allowing herself one quick yawn as she strolled downstairs (given that her fangs could appear quite menacing to those without them), Rouge traced a familiar path to the hotel’s breakfast buffet, planning to fill the gaping void that was currently her stomach.
Her shoes clicked across the tiled floor, irritating her tired ears, and the too-bright lights didn’t do anything to help her overworked senses. She seriously considered just going back upstairs and hiding under the covers for another hour or two, but the smell of pancakes and ripe fruit dragged her over to the long table that held the complementary food from the hotel.
Filling her paper plate, Rouge began to think again about G.U.N. and the various...unsavory tactics she’d seen them use over the years. Often enough, the soldiers in particular were not above frightening or intimidating those groups of people they saw as ‘threats’ while simultaneously politely cooperating with those that didn’t. While she did her best to distance herself from those kinds of people, filing a complaint would only get you a reprimand or even a hint that you might be fired. No real action was ever taken against those who had joined the force to hurt instead of protect.
She had seen, though, that the commander was definitely trying to make the organization a better place- the raid on Space Colony ARK had clearly left an impression- but that didn’t mean he was succeeding. Over fifty years of brutality, violence, machismo and deceit were not so easily rooted out, not even if the person trying to create change was at the very top. The bat had seen a few too many people being beaten mercilessly by a soldier long after they’d shouted their surrender to think that G.U.N. was all good. Indeed, fighting first and asking questions later was ingrained in the very foundation of the organization.
But whenever Rouge’s mind went down these pathways, there was one thought that always rose above the rest…
While she may have seen what they did, Shadow had lived it.
Rouge sighed, trying to control her violent emotions that always appeared regarding that particular event, and took another pancake. The poor hedgehog had dealt with so much already, and now this...she truly felt for him. They were constantly on the run, always trying to stay ahead of the entire military organization, and despite his status as the ‘Ultimate Lifeform’, she knew that he was struggling. Shadow would insist otherwise, of course, trying to carry the world on his shoulders as he so often did.
She knew better, though.
Rouge glanced upwards to get another look out the window, the general paranoia that came with being a spy too deeply ingrained in her body to ever fade. There were plenty of times when it was just a nuisance, if not embarrassing, but right now those reflexes came in handy.
That was when she saw the five G.U.N. agents talking to the receptionist out front.
She took a deep breath, standing very still at the table. Panic would not help her now. Rouge took two very deliberate, very slow steps to the side, obscuring herself behind a helpfully placed tiered food display.
The bat caught a snippet of conversation. One of the agents was talking to the man at the front desk, asking, “Have you seen someone matching any of these three descriptions?”
The receptionist frowned, leaning in closer to study the photos, and Rouge decided it was about time to get out of there.
She put her plate down slowly, and then walked purposefully but calmly back to the stairs. Once she was sure that they couldn’t see her any longer, she beat her wings and began to fly up the stairwell as quickly as possible.
Once she got into their room, she slammed the door shut, catching Omega’s attention from where he had been constructing a paper-clip chain. Rouge allowed herself two deep breaths before rushing over to the bed and shaking Shadow’s shoulder with surprising gentleness.
“What do you want?” he mumbled, his eyes only half open.
The bat beat down another wave of nostalgia for relaxing weekend mornings (focus, Rouge, your lives depend on it!) and instead gave him a sad smile.
“They’ve found us.” she said, shattering her teammates’ relative peace in an instant.
Shadow practically catapulted himself out of bed. “G.U.N.? What? When?”
“Yes, five agents, and just now.” Rouge said, beginning to pack up their few belongings.
“What shall we do?” Omega asked, an almost staticky tone creeping into his voice. It had the effect of making him sound rather more dangerous than usual, which was probably intentional. “I would be happy to burn this building to the ground. Just say the word,” he said, revving up his flamethrower.
“No burning.” Rouge said, and it was evident just how used to Omega’s antics she was that this statement was delivered in a completely calm tone of voice. “Here’s what I’m thinking. We split up- there’s only so many of them there. We’ll get out of here any way we know how. Meet up at 9:30 outside that waterskiing shop. Got it?”
“Yes.” Omega and Shadow said simultaneously.
“Alright, good. Omega, take the suitcases. Let’s go.”
She threw herself out the window as Shadow teleported the robot down into a nearby alleyway before vanishing again. Her wings folded tightly against her back as she shot down the side of the building, her fingers nearly skimming across the steel and glass. Rouge forced herself to trust in her wings, snapping them out at the absolute last moment before she could hit the ground and hoping that nobody in any of the rooms had seen much more than a red-and-black blur.
She almost laughed to herself- that used to be Shadow.
Laughing wasn’t something any of them did much anymore.
She stalked through a dark alleyway before rushing down a couple of blocks, trying to get as far away from the hotel as she could on foot without being too suspicious. By now, G.U.N. would have realized that the team did not look like they used to, which would make it a lot more difficult to escape their notice.
Rouge spotted Shadow moving quickly several blocks down, and made an immediate left to stay away from him. There was still over an hour until their rendezvous time, and until then it was best to stay away from one another. A hedgehog and a bat together would only draw the organization’s attention.
Rouge forced her legs to take one step in front of the other- she had to stay moving. The bat was...a little too used to pushing through exhaustion when simple survival was her only goal. Memories of having to hide after heists, constantly walking to nowhere just to stay away from the police surfaced vaguely in the back of her mind. Rouge was still tired from nights of obsessing and writing and rewriting with Shadow and Omega, and this new stressor wasn’t helping at all, forcing her back into the same introspective cloud that always surrounded her whenever important things started happening.
Yet at the same time, she couldn’t bring herself to feel afraid of what could happen should she get captured. It was almost as though she wasn’t truly awake. She was worried for the rest of the team, it was true, but they were all already in such deep trouble that it almost felt as though she’d maxed out on stress.
As she walked, Rouge wanted to feel something more, some sense of a higher purpose to keep her inspired…
...but when it got down to the basics, change wasn’t always glamorous court battles or powerful arguments delivered to roaring crowds. Sometimes you just had to keep pushing and pushing and pushing until finally someone took notice and listened to what you had to say. It was tiny steps, day by day, almost like trying to grind down a mountain with a single stone. Despite being part of the catalyst, she couldn’t see any of the effects from here.
Was anything even changing? Rouge didn’t know.
She shook her head, trying once again to bury these thoughts in the back of her mind. This was just like a mission. Do the task, then think about the bigger picture afterwards.
The bat briefly wondered if this mentality was why the organization had gone downhill before forcing herself to focus. Right now, she needed to use her instincts. That was all.
…
After an hour, during which she had to hide behind a dumpster (in other circumstances, she would have laughed and called it cliche) to evade G.U.N. pursuit, she met up with the other two at the waterskiing store. Thankfully, Omega had managed to acquire a new car- their old one would have to be left back at the hotel and become more collateral damage, as much as they all wished otherwise.
They’d really liked that car.
Rouge and Shadow piled in, and the bat could only feel relief that Omega didn’t really get tired like they did, so at least there was low danger of someone falling asleep at the wheel.
“We’re in the final stages now,” Rouge said encouragingly, trying to keep up morale. “Just this last heist to get more dirt on G.U.N., and then we’re free to do as we please…”
Shadow sighed. “I hope.”
“Perhaps…” Omega said cautiously, “...G.U.N. will get so busy with lawsuits that they will cease pursuing us after that. Their public image is...somewhat important.”
He didn’t sound like he believed his own words, though.
Rouge, feeling tired, had to practically beat her nagging thoughts off with a stick by this point. What if they never stop, the voice whispered. What if they just keep coming and coming until you give up because you’re just so tired of running-
“Rouge.” Shadow said quietly. “Are you doing the overthinking thing again?”
“What, hon?” she asked, feeling underequipped to have any conversation, let alone one about herself.
“The thing.” Omega called from the front seat. “Where you insist upon shouldering all of the burden simply because you’re the self-appointed team leader. That is not allowed in this car. At all.”
The bat smiled faintly. Even after all this work and exhaustion, they were still worrying about her. That kind of thoughtfulness was enough to relax her a little, and she leaned on Shadow’s shoulder.
“Let’s talk about stupid stuff for a little while.” she said firmly. “We should talk about something like, like- when we went to that one restaurant and Shadow ate like three bowls of their five-alarm chili in twenty minutes and won that T-shirt.”
Shadow smirked briefly. “It didn’t hurt at all and Sonic and Knuckles yelled at me for being a cheater. Having specially bioengineered taste buds has its perks.”
They reminisced about the good times, all three trying to keep the mood light and not discuss the elephant in the room (or car, as it were)- which was of course when they might be able to do that sort of fun thing again.
And then they were on the highway, and headed to what was hopefully the last place G.U.N. would ever expect them to be.
Central City.
#team dark#shadow the hedgehog#rouge the bat#e 123 omega#scars you can't see#sycs#as always i hope the characterization is good!#interestingly enough this fic has changed a lot since its creation#originally it was intended to be a fun action/adventure sort of thing#but now it's very different#much darker and more sad#it...could probably even be called a vent fic#at a stretch#this chapter in particular showcases that part of it#there'll be more action soon though#thanks for reading!#sol’s fanfiction
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Just Like You - Kenny McCormick(South Park)
I wrote this a really long time ago when I was obsessed with South Park. I don’t know why lmao, but here it is.
Warning: Also wrote this when I was an edgy teen™, so cringe and possible trigger warning.
~~~~~~~~~~
Welp, today’s the day...
New town. New house. New school.
My parents had gotten a better job offer here in this little town of South Park, much to my dismay. I love traveling, but moving from a large city in New York to a small mountain town in Colorado is a lot.
It should be interesting though, more opportunities that I’ve never gotten before. Although, I still have to go to school. The local South Park high school.
I put on my outfit for school and wear my black coat over it. It seems to always snow here, only on rare occasions it gets warm. I run downstairs and grab a piece of toast my mother made from the kitchen. I find a note on the counter.
Have a good first day of school, hon. Try to make some friends, and yes, that means being nice to people. Your father and I will not be back until tomorrow morning, so keep those memories of your first day in you head until we can hear about it. Love you!
My mother is a freak, I love her, but she’s a freak. I’m surprised my father has a job with all the day drinking he does. It helps him get work done, I guess.
I walk to school still eating my buttered toast. Approaching the school, I take in its features. It’s an ugly yellow color. Although, I think all bright colors are ugly. I walk in the school and all eyes are on me. I pretend not to notice. I get my class schedule and such from the receptionist and make my way towards my locker.
“You must be new. I think I would’ve recognized an ass that fine before.” A brunette says to me. I roll my eyes and huff.
“As a matter of fact, I am new. I was hoping for something better than a lame catcall on my first day, but at least you tried.” I said and patted him on the shoulder. He glared, tears filling in his eyes, and stomped off.
I bet he’s never been rejected in his entire life, poor soul.
I walk into my first class and immediately get called on. “Well, hello there! You must be the new student. Y/N right? Well, I’m Mr. Garrison and this here is my little friend Mr. Hat. Say hello Mr. Hat!”
Okay...already creeped the fuck out. Something about his southern accent and oh yeah, his fucking creepy ass puppet just rubs me the wrong way.
“Now, please, go take a seat. Wait...are you a troublemaker?” He asks.
“Oh no. Not at all, sir.” I lie. It’s easy to lie. I have a natural talent for it.
“Oh alright, I guess you can sit next to Kenny. That boy in the orange coat. You can keep him in check.”
Will do, you creepy old fuck.
I take my seat next to the blonde haired boy. He’s kinda cute actually. After class a group of boys came up to me, including that Kenny kid.
“Hi, new kid! Just thought we’d introduce ourselves. I’m Kyle. This here’s Stan, Cartman, and Kenny.” The redhead said.
“Holy shit, look at those tits!”
“Cartman!” Kyle scolded.
“Well, first off. It’s Y/N, not new kid. And nice to meet you too...I guess.” I said and walked off.
Yeah, I don’t have great people skills. My harshness has pushed people away. I’m trying to work on it. But determined from what the fatass said I probably don’t wanna be friends with those dudes.
Off to lunch, finally. Hopefully the lunch here is better than the ones at my old school. I took my tray and looked around the lunchroom. Everyone in groups or pairs. I see one empty table. I head towards it and sit down.
The food isn’t that bad, but I’ll definitely be bringing my own from now on. While I was eating I noticed people staring at me. One, that Kenny kid, and two, that guy that used that lame catcall. I got uncomfortable real quick.
The rest of school was a bust. It was boring. Now, I want something fun to do. I heard that there’s a pond near here, that sounds like fun. I asked directions to where the pond was, which I found out was called Stark’s Pond, and headed there.
I approached and noticed no one was there. Perfect.
I looked around in my bookbag for some rope, and luckily I carry some around with me at all times. I look a heavy looking rock and tie it to the rope. I’m not that heavy so it should work.
I tie the other end of the rope around my ankle. I throw the boulder into the pond and it yanks me down, breaking my ankle. It drags me down until the rock rests at the bottom of the pond.
It’s dark and cold. I’m floating, suspended in time. I look up and see the sunlight breaking through the surface of the water, but it’s not enough to reach me. My hair flies around, loose and tangling each other. I reach up and run my fingers through my soft hair.
It starts...I try to gasp for breath but it isn’t there. My lungs start to burn with fire as no oxygen reaches them and they only fill with water as I struggle for air.
I always find this part of drowning so fascinating. Your survival instincts kick in and you try so desperately to fight to survive but come up short when your lungs fill completely with water and your body becomes stiff and frozen.
I black out.
*The Next Morning*
I gasp and bolt upright from my bed.
I sigh in relief to see that I’m back again, in my new home. Every time I die, there’s always a part of me that’s afraid I’ll never come back, and yet I always do.
The first time it happened, I was 10. I was at a birthday party. It was my friend’s party cake that killed me. Someone, while making the cake, accidentally put poison in it. I don’t know how in the hell someone “accidentally” puts poison in a cake, but it happened.
I started to feel hungry, it wasn’t time eat yet but the cake was on the kitchen table and I couldn’t help myself. I took a small piece of cake, it was delicious but it caused me to foam out the mouth and have a seizure. I died almost instantly. Good thing I died otherwise the rest of those kids would’ve had a bad day.
Then I woke up in my bed the next morning.
The hardest part was that no one remembered that I died, but I did. I remember the whole painful experience, and my parents didn’t even believe me. They took me to counseling after that, not that it helped.
One day, a few weeks after the first time I died, I tried crossing the road without my parents. I looked both ways and no cars were coming as far as I could tell. As soon as I almost crossed the, a car came out of no where and completely wrecked me. Again, I woke up in my bed like nothing happened.
The day after I built up the courage enough to test out the theory that I was unkillable. My dad had a 9 mil in his safe. I shot myself, and just like that, I woke up in my bed the next day.
At first, I was insanely afraid of myself and it wasn’t until last year that I realized it could be fun.
I’ve tested out so many ways of dying. Yesterday at the pond was my first time drowning, but I wanted to get over it cause I knew I’d drown soon even if I avoided it. Next on my list is falling to my death, but besides drowning heights is my biggest fear. Heights might be a good excuse to procrastinate getting that done.
I get up out of bed and take a quick shower. I wonder if I’ll ever stop being immortal? It’s probably a good thing I am since I’ve become so accident prone.
After my shower, I quickly got dressed and jogged down the stairs, almost falling in the process. I walked into the kitchen where I saw my parents.
“Y/N! Hello, sweetie!” My mom said and gave me a hug.
“Hey.” I said.
My mom was making waffles and my dad was just sitting at the kitchen table drinking coffee and reading the newspaper. Dick never pays any attention to me.
“So, how was your first day of school? Did you make any friends?”
“Uh, not really. Some guys introduced themselves to me, but you know how I am with people. And school was fine, learned a lot, teachers are a freaky though.” I paused. “Oh, and I drowned myself at Stark’s Pond.” I said nonchalantly.
My mom sighed. “That’s nice dear.”
Ever since I’ve been experimenting with dying over and over, I’ve been telling my parents about it. They never believe me of course. Even when one time I purposely hurt myself and bled to death in front of them, but they never remember. My dad didn’t really give a shit though. Anyway...
“I’m going to school now. Later!” I said, walking out the door.
Hmm, maybe I should take the bus. I wait at the bus stop, cause I don’t feel like walking to school.
“Y/N!” I flinch when I heard my name being called out. I turn to see Stan, Kyle, Kenny, and Cartman walking up to me. “I didn’t know you took the bus.” Kyle went on to say.
“Didn’t really feel like walking to school today.” I said, looking down and kicking the ground beneath me absentmindedly.
The bus finally arrived and we all walked on, I sat in the very back by myself. Until Kenny decided to sit next to me.
“Mmph!” He said, well I don’t exactly know he said. His bright orange parka covering his face made his voice muffled. I’m just gonna assume he said hi.
“Hi.” I replied.
“Mmph mmph mmph mph mmmph mmph!”
“Uh...huh?”
He rolled his eyes and took off his hood, revealing a mop of messy dirty blonde hair. “I said, how are you liking school so far?” He said.
“Oh, um. It’s okay, I guess.” I smiled.
“You guess? Okay, so I take it you don’t really like it.”
“Well, it always sucks when you’re the new kid and you have no friends.” I sighed.
“No friends, huh? Well, I’ll be you friend. I’m sure Kyle and Stan will too!” He said, making me blush. Darn. “Aw, you’re blushing!”
“Shut up. I always blush.”
“I’ll keep that in mind.” Kenny smirked.
When we finally got to school Kenny walked me to class, which was nice. He’s actually really nice and funny, also really adorable.
*A Week Later*
School so far has been good. I’ve grown really close to Kenny, since he’s basically my only friend.
Kenny invited me to sit with him at his table, I agreed. Stan and Kyle seemed to enjoy my company though, Cartman didn’t. Didn’t like me for some reason, although he could be just an asshole all the time.
As the talk started to slow down and lunch was almost over, I looked around the lunchroom to avoid small talk. I saw the guy with brown hair staring at me again, but looked away when I saw him. “Hey, Kenny?”
“Yeah?”
“Who is that guy over there?” I ask, discreetly pointing at him.
“Oh, that guy in the red coat is Clyde. Why?” Kenny asked.
“Oh, no reason. He was just staring at me my first day here and also today. He also kinda catcalled me that day too.”
Kenny noticeably frowned. “He has?”
“Yeah, but it’s probably nothing.” I stuttered a little. Kenny giggled.
“You’re cute when you stutter.” He smiled, which made me blush. “Aw, you’re blushing again.” He poked my blushing cheeks.
“Ugh, stop.” I whined, and shoved his hand away.
The rest of school was okay. Kenny stayed by my side the whole day, I didn’t mind, but he seemed like he was in a clingy mood which was weird. “I’ll walk you home.” Kenny said.
“Oh, no, you don’t have to do that.” I said.
“Nah, I insist.” He said.
Well, who could say no to Kenny. We were almost to my house, we had to cross the street first. We both walked side by side, Kenny had his arm around my shoulders to which I giggled. I suddenly hear a loud horn, I tried to push Kenny out of harm’s way but it was too late.
We’d both been run over by a semi-truck.
I gasp and bolt upright from my bed in a cold sweat.
Oh, god. Kenny. We both got hit. I tried to get Kenny out of the way, but I was too late. I let him get run over. He’s probably dead because of me.
I start to sob. He’s dead and it’s my fault. My fucking fault. God no. Why couldn’t it have just been me? I wouldn’t even care if I wasn’t able to come back, I just want Kenny to still be alive.
My alarm went off. I smashed it. I’m not going to school today. I can’t. Everyone probably knows Kenny’s dead and they’re mourning him school. I can’t be knowing it’s my fault.
My doorbell rings.
Ugh...I don’t feel answering the door. The person is now beating on the door, damn they’re persistent.
I get up to yell at the person who’s beating down my door. I mumble profanities as I answer it. My heart stops. Not literally but it feels like it.
“K-Kenny?” I start sobbing as I take the blonde haired boy in my arms, holding tightly. “I thought you died!” I sob. I pull away. His face looks like he’s in shock, also confused.
“You...you remember?” He asks.
“Of course I do! I tried pushing you out of the way of that truck, I guess I succeeded.” I sigh in relief.
“But...how? I thought you died too.” He said, flabbergasted.
“What do you mean too? Wait, you remembered I died?” I ask, also so confused.
“Y/N, I died. You didn’t push me out of the way in time, but I didn’t save you either. We both died,” he paused, “and we both remember.”
Suddenly, Kenny grabs both my upper arms and pulls me close to him and gives me a passionate kiss.
I pull away, shocked. “Woah....what was that for?”
“I’m sorry. It’s just...nobody has ever remembered me dying. No one, but you can.” Kenny explained.
“And you remember me dying?” I ask.
Kenny nods. “You’re the first person that remembers me dying too.” He says.
I don’t know what to say or do. This has never happened to me before. I think Kenny feels the same, since we’re both just stood awkwardly at my front door. I finally break the silence.
“Kenny, I thought you died, and I’ve never been more scared in my entire life.” I said, with still a few salty tears flowing down my red cheeks.
“I was too.” Kenny said. “Well, looks like we have more in common than I originally thought.” He giggled.
~~~~~~~~~~
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Chaos Rising Review (Spoilers under the cut)
Non-spoiler review:
Star Wars: Thrawn Ascendancy (Book I: Chaos Rising) is a fascinating new book by Timothy Zahn that takes us on a journey between the “present” and flashbacks, looking at Thrawn’s early days starting with the Academy. It’s an examination of how these experiences slowly serve to build him up as the character we have come to know in the newer “Imperial Trilogy”, as seen in Thrawn 2017, Thrawn: Alliances, and Thrawn: Treason.
“The peace of the Ascendancy, a beacon of calm and stability, is shattered after a daring attack on the Chiss capital that leaves no trace of the enemy. Baffled, the Ascendancy dispatches one of its brightest young military officers to root out the unseen assailants. A recruit born of no title, but adopted into the powerful family of the Mitth and given the name Thrawn.
With the might of the Expansionary Fleet at his back, and the aid of his comrade Admiral Ar'alani, answers begin to fall into place. But as Thrawn's first command probes deeper into the vast stretch of space his people call the Chaos, he realizes that the mission he has been given is not what it seems. And the threat to the Ascendancy is only just beginning.”
For me, this book has become a personal favorite on par with Thrawn (2017), and it does so by bringing an amazing cast of characters to life in the galaxy far, far away. Learning about them and how they interact with Thrawn and each other is the book’s greatest strength.
The way the Chiss culture is explored here feels fresh and gives the Ascendancy a life of its own. There is a tug of war going on between the military and the civilian side of their society, something I was looking for beyond the conflict of the Empire and the Rebels/Republic. This also means the Ascendancy has a “complicated” relationship with Thrawn that adds to what we already know is his weakness… politics.
For newcomers, this is a great starting point. You’ll get to the core of who Thrawn is and why he behaves the way he does during the “Imperial Trilogy”. There’s still a very marked difference between this Thrawn and the Rebels version, which makes me appreciate the books even more. You’ll root for these characters and wish things turn out well for them because we know that getting swept up in Thrawn’s plans can be a very dangerous proposition.
Thrawn’s genius still shines through during the battles and while we know he survives these encounters, there are consequences and repercussions for each of his victories and for the people around him. In any case, while you can obviously expect math and physics to play a big part during the battles, this might be the story with the most HEART of all the Thrawn books. There are moments of joy, sadness, fear, confusion, and a fair amount of HOPE, things we don’t always get from a Thrawn-centric story. It affected me deeply and I read it again as soon as I finished. Hopefully, you’ll feel the same way.
I'm so grateful to Zahn for writing this story and I can’t wait to see where it goes in books two and three. I highly recommend this book!
9/10
SPOILER REVIEW:
From the very beginning, I was swept up in the emotions of the story, something I was not expecting. The memories of young Thrawn getting thrown into the politics of the Mitth and the struggles of being a Navigator from Thalias surprised me by how much my heart hurt for them. And yet, there’s always a hint of hope and that reminder that someone in the universe does care, bringing a smile to my face.
Seeing a socially awkward Thrawn fumble his way through, even with his fellow Chiss, and trying to find his place in the world is a real treat. As someone who constantly checks herself about not rambling on about my interests, because I fear I’ll upset people or they’ll think I’m weird, it made me really identify with this younger version.
For the characters, the one I loved maybe the most was Che'ri, the nine year old navigator assigned to the Springhawk, providing us the point of view of a sky-walker. It can be difficult to read sometimes, how these children are experiencing their situation and the people around them in a very distinct way. I really felt her anxiety, her loneliness, her fear, and her hope. Zahn did a wonderful job with her and those with “Third Sight” Force abilities.
And speaking of Che’ri, we learn that she was the pilot who was with Thrawn during his adventure with Anakin Skywalker in Alliances! Experiencing that first encounter with the future Darth Vader, from Thrawn's and Che'ri's POV, was perfect and very sweet. I’m so glad that we get confirmation that Thrawn is actually very understanding and patient when it comes to kids. Indeed, he looks for ways to encourage them, to become the best version of themselves, as he’s helping anyone willing to learn.
The other equally important character is former sky-walker and Che’ri’s caregiver, Thalias. I have to admit, I was a bit skeptical of Thalias at first when she’s introduced to us as an adult. I loved her first encounter with Thrawn as a child inone of the “memories” chapters, but I worried for her grown-up version. I was starting to fear Zahn was setting her up just to be a romantic interest for Thrawn, and while it didn’t happen in this book, I still see the potential for that later on, especially when her goal becomes supporting Thrawn. And while it was a rocky start for me, I did come to like and appreciate her, giving us perhaps the most “humane” face of the Chiss so far. She became a favorite for me.
There was a bit about gender roles being a little too on the nose for me. It wasn't so much that it detracted from the story, but it was noticeable enough to make me raise an eyebrow once or twice. In any case, it was amazing to see how Thrawn is surrounded by capable women. The Empire Trilogy was a bit lacking with this, only having a few important females actually engaged with the main plot (Pryce, Faro, etc), but Chaos Rising was seriously an improvement.
And for people waiting for Thrass or Formbi, we don't exactly get to see them. There's one single mention confirming Thrass died but no other comment about him being Thrawn's brother or what transpired in the Vagaari incident. Instead, Thrawn mentions he believes he had a navigator older sister when he was very young and she was taken away. My mind was blown. No name was given, but I'm sure she will come up in some of the next books.
There is a callback to Outbound Flight, specifically Thrass and Thrawn’s iconic exchange about his wish to help people outside the Ascendancy. This time, Ar’alani is the one explaining they can’t do that, but she promises to support him if he gets high enough as an Aristrocra to change their policies from the inside. I think in general this sets an amazing precedent. You know me. I can't help but think about how this could influence future stories with Ezra and Thrawn. To see Thrawn's accomplishments and need to help others, even if he's forbidden to do so as well as how he risked his career again and again, going out of his way to stop these attacks, made me hopeful. I feel it resonates with what Ezra went through and reinforces in me the idea that the middle way he's looking for is them working together.
Going back to the book, while I felt the main villain (Yiv, the Merciful) was quite scary... there was something missing to make him truly memorable to me. I still can't place my finger on it. I'll need to read the book again to make a better judgement about him. In this case, I was not reading the book because Yiv felt compelling, but more about how Thrawn and company were reacting to him. And speaking of villains, the book ends with the reveal of a new enemy... but just like with Yiv, I felt disconnected from him. We only got a few lines from that one, so I can't tell for sure what to expect from him, but it seems like another guy in a long list of warlords that Thrawn will defeat. Which makes me wonder if we will get any female rivals in the following book.
In general, I loved the book. I loved the characters. I loved their struggles and how they get to solve these problems. Thrawn always has a card up his sleeve, but there will surely be repercussions for what he did at the end. We know not everyone is happy with him… but I can’t wait to find out what else he will do. In a way, this book would work as a stand-alone story if it wasn’t for that reveal at the end, so I believe anyone could grab it and have a great time.
#chaos rising#thrawn ascendancy#star wars#thrawn#review#spoilers#spoiler#chaos rising spoiler#thrawn ascendancy spoiler
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I'd like to request the RFA + V and Saeran with an MC who got radiation treatment for a medical condition, if that's alright with you! I got some radioactive iodine on the 18th for a severe thyroid problem, and I've been slowly been doing better ever since then
Hi there! I’m glad you’re doing better after your treatment! I’m sending you lots of good thoughts and vibes for feeling better. I did some research to try and write this accurately but I’m sorry if I get things incorrect but either way I hope you enjoy these!
Zen/Hyun
Zen is incredibly supportive of you.
Even before you had your treatment he was always doing everything he can to help you.
After getting your treatment he does everything in his power to make sure you feel comfortable.
He tries to make sure your home as clean and comforting as it can be.
He knows that you’re probably not going to be able to out into public places easily so he makes sure that he does all the grocery shopping beforehand so you have plenty to eat.
If it makes you happy he’ll gladly perform musical numbers for you to entertain you if you get bored or need something to do.
By far the hardest part for him is having to keep physical distance, he knows that it’s for his own safety because of the radiation but Zen’s such a physically affectionate guy that it sucks not being able to just hold you in his arms all the time.
There’s a lot of air hugs and blowing kisses between the two of you.
Although he isn’t a fan of that part he’s happy you’re getting this treatment and will hopefully only get better from here.
Yoosung
At first, when Yoosung learns that you need to get a radiation treatment he freaks out a little bit.
He isn't quite sure what all that entails but he knows that it must be serious if radiation is involved!
You take the time to explain that it isn’t a dangerous treatment at all, and while you might feel crummy for a few days it’ll help you feel better.
He starts to calm down a bit after you explain what the procedure is in further detail.
Yoosung decides to help you in any way he can, especially since he knows the first few days might be tough.
He may be studying to be a vet but he knows a few med students at his University if he has questions or concerns he’ll reach out to some of them to ask questions about the more complicated medical aspects.
For the first few nights after your treatment, he sleeps on the floor or on the couch to make sure that you get the bed. He doesn’t mind waking up with a sore back if it means you feel more comfortable.
He cooks the food he knows you like, he knows that nausea can be a side effect of the treatment so he’s careful to make things that won’t upset your stomach too much.
He’s so proud of you and is overjoyed when you start to feel better.
Jaehee
When you told Jaehee you were getting this treatment she immediately did some research.
She did the same thing when you had originally told her about your health, at this point she almost knew more about your health issues than you do.
Jaehee’s a very methodical person, she tends to think about things very scientifically. So she wants to know everything she can about this treatment you’re getting.
She learns all that she can and what the best ways to support you are.
She actually changes the hours of the cafe during the first few days after the treatment in order to help you.
Even if you aren’t able to go to the cafe Jaehee will bring home the best treats leftover from the day.
Jaehee is actually a great person to have around for this because she’s not only a supportive person but someone who is going to do everything she can to manage any side effects you might experience.
She’s a great cheerleader, you know that care and passion she puts into caring for Zen’s career? It’s even more intense with you and your everything.
You can trust Jaehee to do a good job of being there for you, she’s so grateful to have someone like you in her life and she wants to make sure you can feel and be the best you can.
Jumin
Once he learned about your condition he made sure that you were taken care of well.
You were being seen by the best doctors in the country when you were given this treatment.
He speaks with the doctors to understand what exactly this treatment does and any side effect you may experience as a result. He wants to know and be prepared for everything.
The days leading up to it are defined by almost extreme amounts of careful planning. Jumin is determined to have you be as well cared for as possible.
He’ll prepare the bedroom for you so it'll have anything and everything you could ever need. Since it isn’t safe for you to sleep in the same bed for the first few nights he insists on sleeping in the guest room so you’ll be in a place that’s familiar and happy for you.
He also makes sure to have anything you would need in the penthouse or have someone always on call to go out and fetch things for you.
He has a difficult time with not being able to be close to you, for a few days when he wants to talk to you he’ll sit a safe distance away and talk with you, he hates that he can’t be closer but as long as he can see your face he’s satisfied.
If you want him too he’ll sit and read to you while he’s sitting nearby.
His chef prepares the best meals for you, a perfect balance of healthy as well as light enough to not upset your stomach if you’re feeling nauseous.
Honestly being with Jumin during this is ideal, he’s so attentive and as long as you’re with him you don’t have to worry or ask for much.
Seven/Saeyoung
He knew about your health struggles from the moment he did his original background check.
So he’s excited about the idea of you getting this treatment. Honestly, anything that will help you to feel better sounds amazing to him.
Saeyoung has really good bedside manners if you need him to keep you positive or give you a good laugh he’s the perfect man for the job.
But if you need him to be more serious he can do that too. Your happiness comes first for him.
He does NOT like needing to be physically distant from you. Saeyoung is a pretty touchy-feely so that part is hard.
Remember the cat robot? He upgrades it so it’s even better than before. Since he can’t be next to you physically he has the cat do it instead. (Now not only does it talk it purrs like a real cat!)
Sends you lots of sweet messages. They’re very dorky but they’re filled with that Seven trademarked charm that makes you smile and your heart race.
Unfortunately, he can’t cook very well but he’ll order you whatever take out you want! And if the treatment messes with your ability to taste things he’ll make sure to get things with strong flavors or ones he knows you like to try and offset that.
Likes making jokes about the fact it is a radioactive treatment. Expect lots of really bad spider man jokes.
The second you’re able to sleep in the same bed together he declares the next day a cuddle day so he can hold you without interruption.
V/Jihyun
V is an extremely caring person. He by nature wants to help everyone he can, the same goes for you.
When he learns how this treatment could really help you he’s overjoyed. You’re one of his greatest gifts in life and he wants nothing more than for you to be the best and healthiest you can be.
He’s very doting, he’s like that generally with you but he knows that you might have a difficult time with the side effects so he prepares ahead of time for what to do when you’re having a hard time.
Maybe not the best when it comes to comforting words but his whole presence makes up for that in spades.
Jihyun just gives off this very relaxing calming energy, so even if the side effects are bothering you there’s still this general sense of peace when he’s around.
He’ll set up his easel nearby so you can watch him while he paints. He’ll create the most beautiful paintings of things you love. When he finishes them he keeps them close so you can see them, with the hopes that they’ll make you smile.
He sleeps on the couch so you can be comfortable in bed but you keep the bedroom door open so you can still keep an eye on each other.
Anything you could ever need or want he’ll get for you, since going out in public is difficult for the first few days afterward he’ll go out for you, he’ll get you anything you need or want. And oftentimes he’ll also come back with a little knick-knack or item he thought you would like.
With V you feel comfortable, even when it may be difficult, you never doubt that he’ll be there for you.
Saeran
Like this brother, Saeran also knew about your health situation pretty early on.
While he doesn’t have the same kinds of health issues as you do he understands very well what it’s like to have poor health and how much of a toll it can take.
He’s probably a little scared about the idea of it being a form of radiation.
Like Yoosung you’ll have to explain it to him, that it isn’t dangerous for you to take and will actually probably help you a bunch. But afterward, you’ll have to be a bit careful since even though it isn’t dangerous, it’s still a radiation treatment.
He feels a bit better after you explain but he’s still very anxious. You know there’s nothing you can really do about that part but you can tell explaining helped.
After the treatment, he remembers to keep a safe distance from you as much as he can. He tends to be a guy who likes to have his space but you can see the longing in his eyes during this time.
If Saeran goes out in public he only wants to do it if you’re there so after your treatment you have everything delivered to where you’re living. Thank god for 21st-century technology that now you can get your weekly groceries without leaving your house.
He fills your living space with the most beautiful flowers he’s grown. Giving you flowers is one of the greatest joys of his life and this only increases while you’re recovering from the treatment.
There’s a vase full of flowers in every room, it fills your living space with so many nice scents and makes your heart swell.
The first week after your treatment may be a bit challenging, but the two of you both have the same goal, to be as happy and healthy as you can be. Together.
#mystic messenger#mysme#zen#yoosung kim#jaehee kang#jumin han#707#saeyoung choi#mysme zen#mysme yoosung#mysme jaehee#mysme jumin#mysme 707#mysme saeran#mysme v#mysme jihyun#jihyun kim#request#headcanons#writing#thepanshibe
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how the light gets in (ch. 10)
SUMMARY: After your home is ransacked by a group of strange men, you and your cousin are taken in by a group of outlaws. And that’s when the trouble really starts.
PAIRINGS: John Marston x Fem!Reader, Arthur Morgan x Fem!Reader
check the fic tag for previous chapters!
TAGGING: @mountainhymn @kindred-hopes @sean--macguire if you would like to be added to the tag list lmk!
NOTES: hey everyone! long time no see huh? so, obviously, it's been a while since i updated, not since jan, and honestly i expected the next chapter to be out in feb, but i ended up picking up some extra shifts at work so then i was like "ok march it is!" and now it's april lmao. like many of u i've been stuck inside because of the backstreet boys reunion tour, my entire country is on lockdown because of it, so i've been able to use the time to write! and here we are! hopefully i'll be able to get the chapters out more regularly but who knows? anyway hope you all have been well! stay safe, and stay indoors if you can! love u all!
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As you all slowly descended from the Grizzlies, you watched as the white snow slowly gave way to lush green, a sight that you hadn’t seen for months now, and you eagerly drank it up like someone being given fresh cold water after being in the desert for too long. You let out a sigh when you saw a patch of flowers, feeling like a weight has been lifted from you.
“Been a while since you’ve seen nature?” Miss Jones asked.
You nodded. “Yeah. It-it feels nice.” You smiled and watched a small bird flit from one tree to another, before flying into the horizon. “The warmth makes a nice change too.”
The other women all laughed, even Sadie cracked a smile. “Can’t argue with that one.” Miss Jackson agreed.
You looked forward, trying to see past Miss Grimshaw and the horses, but your view was greatly obstructed. You leaned over the wagon a little, keeping your hands on the sides to stay steady.
“Easy there chiquita.”
You jumped a little and looked behind you to see Mr Escuella riding leisurely beside the wagon, a smile on his lips. “Don’t want you falling overboard.”
A flush crept onto your cheeks and you timidly pulled away. “R-Right. Of course. Sorry.”
“No need to apologise.” Mr Escuella assured you, urging his horse forward so that he was beside you. “Must feel good, seeing all this after being stuck on that mountain.”
“I have missed seeing the colour green.” You admitted.
To your surprise, Mr Escuella laughed. “I can only imagine.”
Making Mr Escuella laugh made you smile, and you sat up a little straighter. “So, who’s your friend?” You reached out and gently patted the neck of Mr Escuella’s horse. The horse whinnied in an appreciative manner, encouraging you to stroke it.
“His name’s Boaz.” Mr Escuella said. “He’s a good boy.”
“A very handsome one too.” You cooed, hand going up to scratch behind one of Boaz’s ears. You furrowed your brow at the lack of reaction before you laughed lightly. “I’ve been around cats for too long.” You said softly.
“What makes you say that?” Mr Escuella sounded intrigued, and you blushed when you realized that he had heard you.
“Oh, n-nothing. It’s just...I’ve grown to expect animals to purr whenever I pet them.” You lowered your gaze, face heating up even more. “I-It’s stupid I know.”
Mr Escuella laughed again, but it didn’t sound malicious. It sounded friendly, almost fond, like he hadn’t found your admission stupid at all. “We all get used to things.” He said with a warm smile. “So, you grew up with cats?”
You nodded. “Mrs Zamolodchikova loved cats, including stray ones. There were always cats around the house so I got used to having some around. There was even a special nursery for expectant mothers and their litters.” You sighed wistfully, thinking back to the times when you would play with the cats or lounge around doing nothing at all with them in between complicated and arduous lessons. You wished you could go back to those times.
“So you’re a cat person?”
“I suppose.” You shrugged. “But only by default. I do like dogs, I just have more experience with cats. And horses of course.”
“Speaking of, your horse doesn’t seem to be too fond of Arthur.” Mr Escuella raised a brow. “I think this is the first time I’ve met a horse that Arthur couldn’t charm.”
“Oh God.” You said with a frown. “Has something happened? Did Mr Morgan say something?”
“No nothing like that.” Mr Esceulla assured you. “It’s just funny. She’s a feisty one.”
“She’s certainly spirited.” You agreed, relieved that nothing bad had happened. “It can take her a while to warm up to strangers, but once she gets used to you all I’m sure she’ll be better behaved.”
“You think you guys will be staying around that long?”
You paused, looking over at Sadie. As expected, she had been watching the interaction between you and Mr Escuella like a hawk, and she didn’t seem to be at all pleased. “We’ll see.” She said tersely.
“I’m sure Dutch won’t mind.” Mr Escuella said. “He isn’t the type to kick out two helpless women.”
“We ain’t helpless.” Sadie snarled, almost visibly bristling.
“That’s very kind of him.” You said quickly. You gently put a hand on Sadie’s knee and squeezed. “We’re immensely grateful.”
Sadie huffed.
Mr Escuella chuckled. “I’m sure.” He said teasingly, winking discreetly when Sadie looked away.
A giggle slipped past your lips and you smiled widely. “Have you been around here before Mr Escuella?”
“Can’t say I have, you?”
You shook your head. “No. It feels a little exciting, being so far east.”
Mr Escuella raised a brow. “This is your idea of excitement?” He chuckled. “Can’t wait to see how you react to everything else.”
Almost immediately you felt yourself deflate, wanting to shrink inside yourself for saying something so stupid. ‘Idiot. They all must already think you’re a child. Now look at what you’ve done.’ You looked down, wanting to avoid Mr Escuella’s gaze as your face burned with embarrassment.
“Hey, I didn’t mean anything by that chiquita.”
You looked back up shyly and saw Mr Escuella looking contrite, and you immediately felt bad. “No no, it’s alright.” You said gently. “I-I know you weren’t trying to be cruel Mr Escuella.” You could tell Sadie was bristling like mad now, but you hoped that this would be enough to placate her. “Um, if you don’t mind me asking, what does chiquita mean?”
Surprisingly, Mr Escuella seemed to be relieved that you were no longer upset. “It’s Spanish, for little girl or little lady.” He looked you up and down. “In your case I would say little lady is more appropriate.”
That made your face flush even more. No one had ever called you a lady before. In fact, ‘little girl’ had often been the descriptor of choice for most.
“I’m surprised you can’t speak Spanish.” Mr Escuella said, apparently oblivious to your embarrassment.
“Y-Yes, well, I’m afraid that part of my education had been left the wayside.” You said sheepishly.
“So what languages can you speak?”
“Russian, German, French, and Italian.” You replied.
Mr Escuella let out a low whistle. “Impressive.” He said with a raised brow. “Why no Spanish?”
You opened your mouth to reply, but then suddenly realized that you didn’t really have an answer. “I...I really have no idea.” You admitted. “I never really gave it much thought, but thinking about it now, it certainly would be useful.”
“Well, you’re clearly good at picking languages up, so if you’re ever in the mood for learning Spanish, you can just ask me.” Mr Escuella smiled warmly.
It had taken you a moment to process what Mr Escuella had said, but once you did you couldn’t help but grin widely. “R-Really?” You sat up on your knees, one hand still on Boaz’s neck. The offer had taken you by surprise, but you still felt elated. “Y-You mean it?”
“Course I do.”
A rush of excitement ran through you, and you couldn’t hold back a grin. “I-Thank you Mr Escuella. You’ve been so kind, I don’t know how I can ever repay you.”
“You ain’t gotta repay me chiquita.” He said fondly. He seemed to be on the verge of saying something else, but stopped, looking you over. “Actually, there is one thing.”
“What is it?” You asked, curious and eager.
Mr Escuella smiled wider and leaned down so that he was at perfect eye level with you. “Just keep smiling. Do you think you can do that for me chiquita?”
It was certainly an odd request, but more than manageable. You had learned long ago how to smile when it was the last thing in the world you wanted to do. “I believe I can Mr Escuella.”
He chuckled, and sat back up. “Good.”
“Looks like we’re almost at that spot Hosea was talking about.”
You looked up at the back of Miss Grimshaw, and saw that you were all coming up to what appeared to be a well-trodden path, leading into a small patch of trees. It felt strange to see so many different types in one place, but in a welcoming and uplifting way. You smiled and sat up straighter, hoping to see more. “Thank Goodness.” You said.
“Hmm, I can’t see Arthur, Hosea and Charles.” Mr Escuella noted, looking over his shoulder. “I’m gonna hang back and wait for them, make sure they get back OK.” He looked back down at you. “Don’t forget what I said chiquita.” He grinned, and clicked his tongue, urging Boaz to turn around and go back down the path.
You couldn’t help but smile. ‘He’s so considerate and kind.’
Some giggles broke out behind you, and you turned around curiously. “What’s so funny?”
“Oh, nothing.” Miss Jones said breezily, with a twinkle in her eye that indicated very much the opposite.
(You felt your stomach churn.)
“There’s a town not too far away right?” Miss Jones asked no one in particular
“Valentine I think Hosea said it was called.” Miss Jackson answered. “Real small cattle town.”
“I’ll take a small cattle town over those mountains any day.” Miss Gaskill said, and you couldn’t agree more.
Further ahead was a clearing atop a cliff, and it appeared to be just big enough for all of you. Miss Grimshaw pulled up at a far end of the clearing, and you watched as Mr Williamson and Mr Van Der Linde, who had both been steering wagons of their own, parked in different spots.
“Alright girls, let’s get to work.”
You and the other women all piled out of the wagon, and you noted Miss Jones groaning and Miss Jackson rolling her eyes as you did so.
“We need to start pitching tents.” Miss Grimshaw looked over at you and Sadie. “Do you two know how to do that?”
Sadie nodded. “I do, my daddy taught me.”
That seemed to please the older woman. “What about you [Name]?”
You immediately felt your cheeks flush hot. “I..I never...learned how to do that…” You looked down, feeling thoroughly embarrassed.
“Then what can you do?”
“J-Just about anything else to help!” You said quickly, looking up again, desperate to appear helpful and eager and, above all, of use. “You know how I said my momma was a maid? I would help her sometimes. I-I got good at it.”
“She’s very good.” Sadie said, coming to your aid. “She has a steady hand when sewing, knows how to treat all sorts of stains, and she can cook very well.”
You smiled at Sadie, grateful for the help.
Miss Grimshaw looked you over with an uncomfortably enigmatic gaze. “Show her how to pitch a tent.” She said finally. “The sooner she learns that the better.”
“Yes Miss Grimshaw.”
You let out a deep breath. “Y-Yes Miss Grimshaw!” You quickly followed Sadie to the wagon where the other women had already gathered, getting out what you assumed to be materials to pitch up tents.
“Did that old Russian widow teach you magic or something?” Miss Jones asked with a twinkle in her eye, much like the one from earlier, and a smirk on her lips. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen Javier warm up to someone that quick.”
The other women giggled, and you flushed. “N-Not at all.” You said. “I-I’m sure that he just wants me to feel welcome.”
“Oh I bet he does.” Miss Jackson waggled her brows. “Or at least, welcome around him.” She burst into giggles, along with Miss Jones and Miss Gaskill.
“Alright girls that’s enough.” Miss Roberts interjected. “Don’t want to give Grimshaw an excuse to yell at us already.” She looked over at you and smiled kindly. “Don’t listen to them, they get bored easy and just wanna have something to entertain themselves with.”
You failed to see what could be so entertaining about this, but you appreciated Miss Roberts’s words nonetheless. “It’s alright.” You saw Sadie grabbing a bundle of materials and immediately went to her side to help. “So, what do we do?”
“Gotta find some good flat ground first.” Sadie inspected the surrounding area, before finding a patch that satisfied her. “Now we gotta make sure the frame is steady.”
She walked you through the steps slowly, adding clarification when you needed it. Knowing each other as long as you both had, she knew how to explain and teach things to you in a way that would make sense to you, so you were able to follow along and got the hang of it rather quickly.
“I don’t want you talkin’ to Escuella.”
You paused, turning away from the canvas to look at Sadie in surprise. “Why not? He’s very nice.”
“He’s an outlaw.” Sadie’s words were dripping with disdain and venom. “A thief and a killer.”
“And he’s been nothing but nice.” You pointed out. “He offered to teach me Spanish, that could be an invaluable skill Sadie.”
“Don’t matter, I don’t want you talking to him and that’s final.” She knotted the rope in her hands around a stake, with a bit more force than necessary in your opinion.
You sighed, kneeling beside Sadie. “That isn’t realistic and you know it.” You said in a low voice. “Besides, we need to be pragmatic about this.” You glanced around. “We’re outsiders Sadie. Everyone else knows each other, and there are already dynamics and relationships in place, so we need to form our own. The sooner we can endear ourselves to everyone here, the better.”
Sadie gritted her teeth. “These people aren’t like the rich, upper class types you’re used to.” She said pointedly. “They don’t play the same games or go by the same set of rules.”
“But they are human, and humans are social creatures.” You gently put a hand on Sadie’s arm. “If we can befriend a few of them, it’ll make life easier for us. I know you’re an expert on nature survival Sadie, but this is about social survival, and that’s entirely different.”
A silence hung between the two of you, and you let it, allowing Sadie time to think about what you had said. “Why do you always gotta be right.” She sighed heavily. “Alright. Fine. Be friendly. But not too friendly with the men. I don’t want none of them getting too close to you or being alone with you.”
“Deal.” You smiled and hugged Sadie. Truthfully, you never understood why she was so hesitant to allow men near you. After all, no man had ever expressed interest in you before, and why should they? There were always far better, more appealing options available.
“Not bad.” Miss Grimshaw appeared to be pleased and even a little impressed, especially since this was the first time you had ever put up a tent. She looked up at Sadie. “You can help Mary Beth and Tilly with setting up Arthur’s tent.” She then turned her attention to you. “And you can help Herr Strauss with his wagon. He seems to have taken a liking to you, so I doubt he’ll mind.”
“Yes Miss Grimshaw.” Despite yourself, you could feel your cheeks going a little pink at the revelation that Herr Strauss liked you. You felt relieved and happy to know that you had already formed at least one bond, and hopefully alliance, within the gang.
You and Sadie exchanged glances before going to your seperate jobs. Herr Strauss had just finished setting up a table when you approached, and he seemed to be looking for something in his wagon.
“Herr Strauss?” You said gently, not wanting to startle him too much.
Despite your precautions, Herr Strauss jumped a little, staring at you in surprise. “Mein Gott.” He said, a hand over his heart. “You’re certainly quiet aren’t you fräulein?”
You flushed a deep red. “S-Sorry.” You said bashfully.
“Oh it’s alright.” Herr Strauss smiled kindly at you, adjusting his glasses. “Did you need anything?”
“Actually, Miss Grimshaw told me that I should help you.” You looked at his wagon. “Is there anything you need me to do?”
This seemed to surprise him, but Herr Strauss smiled. “Yes actually. I need some help taking inventory of our medicines.” He carefully pushed aside some of the crates, revealing a slightly worn leather satchel, which he reached into and pulled what appeared to be a notebook out of it. “Just go through the crates one by one and tell me what you find and I’ll make a record.”
“Of course.”
You did as you were instructed, reading out each label clearly, and waiting for Herr Strauss to finish writing before moving on. You had also decided to group all of the tonics together in groups, one for the horses, and one for humans, before further dividing them by what it was they helped with-health, stamina, or concentration-and then their effectiveness; all of which you had gleaned from reading the labels, committing it all to memory.
“You’ve already started sorting them?”
“Oh, um, yes.” You looked down, fidgeting under Herr Strauss’s curious gaze. “I-I thought it would make things easier. I can rearrange them if there’s a particular way you want them sorted.”
“Oh no no! This is perfectly fine fräulein.” Herr Strauss said approvingly, his smile and gaze warm. He went back over his notes as he inspected the bottles, double checking to make sure everything had been properly accounted for. “You’ve done a very good job, and there aren’t any discrepancies, so all in all-”
“No! Mister! Wait!”
The sudden shouts made you jump, and you looked up, heart pounding, to see Mr Duffy being dragged to a tree not too far from where you were by Mr Williamson. “Wh-what’s Mr Williamson doing?” You asked shakily.
“Looks like he’s going to tie him to that tree.” Herr Strauss replied, shaking his head. “Poor boy. Can’t imagine he’ll last long without food and drink.”
“W-Wait.” You looked back at the older Austrian, wide eyed. “You’re not-I mean, we’re not-Mr Van Der Linde wouldn’t-”
“He would, and it appears that he has.” He assured you. “I understand that this is rather shocking, but it’s how things are done here. If Dutch says he ain’t eating or drinking, then that’s that.”
“I...I see…” You looked over at Mr Duffy, feeling immense pity. “How...how long will he be...tied up?”
“For as long as Dutch says.” Herr Strauss replied. He seemed to have caught the horrified look on your face, making him sigh. He gently put a hand on your shoulder and turned you away from Mr Duffy. “Fräulein, I know that this sort of thing is particularly...unpleasant for you, being as good and kind as you are. But I’m afraid you’ll have to get used to it. Hopefully the boy will tell Dutch what he wants to hear sooner rather than later. Until then, we must follow Dutch’s orders. No food or water for the O’Driscoll.”
“Yes Herr Strauss.” You said quietly, trying very hard not to look back at Mr Duffy.
-
You helped Herr Strauss set up his own tent space and to arrange his things, and by the time you were both finished, the rest of the camp had been set up, and Mr Morgan, Mr Smith, and Mr Matthews had joined you all, and Mr Escuella with them. You couldn’t help but watch Mr Morgan as Miss Grimshaw escorted him to his tent. He moved with such easy confidence and self assuredness, that you couldn’t help but feel envious.You had no idea what it was like to feel like that, to move through the world without a single worry or care. All you ever did was worry and care.
You were quickly pulled from your thoughts when you heard Mr Van Der Linde speak. Everyone stopped what they were doing and formed a small crowd around him, listening intently, and you joined them. He was trying to raise morale, praising everyone for sticking by him, before urging everyone to pull their weight and help out.
(You fidgeted a little at that, worried if you would be able to do that.)
Mr Pearson, now wearing a top hat, emphasized the need for food, asking for everyone to contribute something. You looked over at Sadie, who was standing with Miss Gaskill and Miss Jackson, and wondered if she would be allowed to hunt. You couldn’t see why not.
“And don’t forget, whatever you get, the camp gets a slice.” My Van Der Linde pulled out a shiny red box and placed it on top of a barrel outside his large tent.
You furrowed your brow and looked over at Herr Strauss. “What did he mean by that?”
“If you make any money then you need to put some into that box there.” He explained. “To help the camp pay for supplies and the like.”
“Oh. Like taxes?”
Herr Strauss chuckled. “Yes, I suppose so.”
Once Mr Van Der Linde was done, everyone dispersed and you rejoined the other women. “So, how long do you all usually stay in one place?”
“Depends.” Miss Jackson said. “If it’s a good spot and we lay low, then usually a good few months.”
“Let’s hope that’s the case here.” Miss Gaskill sighed. “I don’t know about the rest of you, but I’ve had enough of moving around.”
You couldn’t agree more, and you were about to say as much when something blue appeared in the corner of your eye. You turned to look and saw Mr Morgan, still wearing his big heavy coat, talking with Mr Van Der Linde and Mr Matthews. For whatever reason, your full attention was on the three men, but Mr Morgan in particular. You took in his profile, his strong jaw, the broadness of his shoulders, the firm set of his mouth. Did he ever smile? You hoped you would be able to see it.
“Stay away from him.”
You jumped, turning to see Sadie suddenly at your side, glaring at something. “W-What?”
“I said stay away from him.” It came out as an angry hiss, and when you followed her gaze you saw that it was focussed on Mr Morgan.
“But Sadie, he helped us-”
“I talked with Tilly and Mary Beth.” Sadie gave no indication that she had heard you, although you were certain that she did. “And they told me what kind of person Morgan is.”
You didn’t like the sound of that. “What...what kind of person is he?”
“Exactly the kind I expected.” She finally tore her gaze away from Mr Morgan and onto you. “He uses force and kills even when not necessary. He’s a mean and sour bastard and I don’t want you around him. I know you feel like you owe him because of what he did, but you don’t. He didn’t do it out of the goodness of his own heart. If Dutch hadn’t been there he probably would’ve put a bullet in our heads.”
“I’m sure he wouldn’t have Sadie.” But even as you protested, you felt a chill go down your spine. “What would he have gained from it?”
“Men like him don’t need a reason to kill.” Her tone left no room for argument, so you decided not to. Instead you let her put her arm around you and lead you away to the area where the two of you, along with Miss Jones, Miss Jackson, and Miss Gaskill would sleep.
But you were able to sneak one last look back at Mr Morgan, watching as he smoked his cigarette, haloed in the light of the setting sun.
#john marston x reader#arthur morgan x reader#red dead fic#red dead x reader#red dead redemption fic#fic: how the light gets in#HUZZAH!!! A NEW CHAPTER!!!!
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"i don't want you to regret me" but for brotp eddie and Hamid
also posted on ao3
“Ready to go, Ed?” Hamid asked from the door.
Eddie spun around, looking at his outfit in the mirror with a wide grin on his face. He was wearing a brand new pale gold suit and a cape with sun patterns on it that he hadn’t been able to stop admiring since he’d seen them in the marketplace. “Ready!”
Hamid blinked at the sheer brightness of his friend’s outfit, before smiling. “Great! Thanks for coming with me! None of the others really enjoy these things.”
“I always enjoy your company, Hamid.”
Hamid’s smile brightened and he reached for Ed’s hand to lead him out the door and towards dinner. “That’s so kind of you to say, Eddie. Are you sure you don’t mind? Some of the people I used to go to school with aren’t… the nicest.”
Ed’s expression darkened, his eyebrows drawing together. “Evil-doers?”
“Well, hopefully not,” Hamid said quickly, “But they can be a bit… rude sometimes.”
“Then why do you want to go?”
“Well,” Hamid paused, thinking of the best way he could explain. He wasn’t even entirely sure himself, really, but it was expected of him. Besides, he’d just worked his way back onto his family’s good side, so he’d like to do what was expected as much as possible. At least, the good expectations. “I just think I need to go. Does that make sense?”
“No,” Ed said bluntly. “But I am here to support you! As your friend.” He smiled even wider than usual as he said it, placing a special weight on the word. It was as if it was unfamiliar to him, a special new treasure to be able to say it in reference to himself. Hamid had never asked Eddie about his past, but he had the feeling that before he’d joined the church of Apollo, before he’d met Hamid and his friends, he hadn’t had the best experiences with people.
“I appreciate it.” He squeezed Eddie’s hand as they reached the restaurant where the banquet was being held. “Two for al-Tahan,” he told the maître d’.
“Of course, sir.”
Eddie and Hamid followed the host, and Hamid stopped in his tracks when he saw who was sitting at their shared table. Oh, no.
His heart was pounding in his chest as he looked upon the image of his ex-girlfriend and his former best friend, smiling and holding hands as they sipped their wine and looked over the room.
“All right, Hamid?” Eddie asked as he felt Hamid’s hand, still gripping his own, stop him from moving forward.
“Yes,” Hamid said in a high-pitched, breathless voice. “Everything’s fine. It’s just- perhaps we should go.”
“Go? But we just got here.”
“Yes, but-“ Hamid sighed as he saw Liliana and Gideon notice him. “Never mind. Let’s just get through this.” He gripped Eddie’s hand tighter, drawing on his warmth and confidence as they reached the table.
“Hamid,” Gideon said, a stiff smile on his face that didn’t meet his eyes. “It’s so good to see you.”
Was it? Hamid remembered his last interactions with the two of them. He couldn’t say he’d ever wanted to see them again, after the hell they had separately caused him, but he recognized a man putting on a polite face for the sake of the public eye. He could play along, he supposed. Besides, arguing with them would only cause a scene, and Hamid wasn’t going to ruin his recently recovered reputation.
Hamid had grown, though, since the last time he’d had to deal with Gideon and Liliana, and he’d learned that, well, he has the power to hurt his enemies. He’d never do it, of course, but imaging their faces if he turned into a dragon in front of them…. Well, it was amusing enough to keep him going. He pasted a smile on his face that was almost real. “It’s good to see you as well. Ed, this is Liliana Beekos and Gideon Marsten-Langdon. We used to go to school together. Liliana, Gideon, this is Edward Keystone, he’s a paladin of Apollo.”
The two blinked as they took in Eddie’s blinding attire, but formalities eventually worn out and they each extended a hand to him, which he shook enthusiastically. “Yes, I can see that,” Gideon said, with a sneer that Hamid recognized but that he knew would go over Eddie’s head. There was a matching expression on Liliana’s face, but she schooled it into a polite blankness quickly.
Eddie held his cape to the side, beaming. “Isn’t it great? I got it at the market last week!”
“It’s something,” Liliana said under her breath. Hamid gritted his teeth, reminding himself that, no matter how much he wanted to, turning into a dragon and clawing their eyes out was not a good idea.
Eddie must not have heard her, because his pleased expression didn’t change as he and Hamid sat down at the table.
“So, Hamid,” Liliana asked. “What have you been doing since we saw you in Prague?”
Hamid thought that was a very generous way to say “since you had me arrested” but he wasn’t about to correct her. “I’ve been… traveling, mostly. Doing some work for the meritocrats.” He supposed Wilde still counted as one, if you thought about it loosely.
“You haven’t returned to your studies?” Liliana frowned disapprovingly. “That’s a shame. There’s a new article on the mathematical properties of dimensional distortion I was hoping to discuss with you. Professor Einstein wrote it, and-“
“Oh, we know him!” Eddie grinned. “He’s great! We should talk to him tonight, Hamid. I miss him.”
“What on earth could you possibly have to talk to Einstein about?” Gideon laughed. “The man’s a genius, I doubt he has time for you.”
Eddie’s demeanor, which had been pleasant all night, shifted, and his voice took on a hardness Hamid rarely heard from him. “Professor Einstein is my friend.”
“Einstein has been assisting us in our work,” Hamid chimed in, trying to control the situation. “Ed’s right, Einstein is our friend. He and Ed have become quite close.”
“That’s a shame,” Gideon sighed. “I’d heard the man had gone senile, but I was hoping the rumors were wrong.” His sneer became even more smug as he said, “Clearly that’s not the case if he’s spending his time with paladins. Of Apollo, no less. Airheads, the whole lot.”
Eddie stood up, towering over Gideon even more than he would normally. “I’m not an idiot. And being a paladin of Apollo is a great honor, one you will never be able to achieve. You have too much evil in side you.” It was angrier than Hamid had ever heard him, and it made Hamid stand up and reach for his hand again. Eddie shrugged it away, then turned and walked off.
Hamid turned and glared at his former friends. “The two of you are really horrible, you know that?”
“You only think that because you’ve been away for so long. Honestly, Hamid, even you could do better,” Liliana said, scoffing.
“No, quite frankly I’m not sure there is a better person than Ed in the world, and I’m more than grateful that I have him for a friend now, and not the two of you.” Hamid looked at them disdainfully and, forgoing any hope of redeeming the evening, spat, “Go drop off the side of your precious university,” then ran to catch up with Ed.
He found Eddie standing at the edge of the bridge overlooking the river, his back facing Hamid. “Eddie, I’m sorry about them. I told you, they’re all awful.”
“It’s not your fault,” Ed said. “And- they’re not wrong. I can’t- talk about that kind of stuff.” Hamid reached for Eddie’s hand again, and Eddie pulled it in front of him. “I- I don’t want to hold hands right now.”
“Okay. Could you turn and look at me?” When he did, Hamid said, “They were wrong. You don’t need to be able to talk about… interdimensional rifts. You’ve lived them, and you came out the other side a better person than either of them.”
“I just-“ Eddie sniffed, and Hamid realized he was crying. “I know that you- you’re trying to be a part of this, again, for your family, and- my family pushed me away from this, Hamid, because I wasn’t good enough. I don’t- I don’t want you to regret me.”
Hamid was overcome with the urge to hug him, but he knew his friend wouldn’t want that right now. “Eddie, I meant what I said. You’re better than all of them, and I don’t care about being a part of this life anymore if it won’t accept my friends. Forget about the banquet, okay? All I want to do is have a nice night.” Eddie nodded and Hamid pushed further. “Do you want to go to that ice cream shop we passed on the way in? Honestly, I just had to have a horrible conversation with my ex and her new fiancé, so really I’m owed a little ice cream.”
Eddie let out a soft smile. “Okay.”
They walked side by side for a few minutes until they reached the ice cream parlor, where they ordered two cones, and then sat on a bench outside, overlooking the river. “Mmmmm,” hummed Hamid as he licked his chocolate ice cream. “This is much better than whatever they would have had on the menu.”
Eddie smiled, his mood improved. “It is.” He thought for a moment. “Hamid, could I have a hug now?”
Hamid grinned and leaned over to hug his friend. Eddie was twice his size, and his hugs enveloped Hamid completely, which was one of Hamid’s favorite things about him. “I know tonight was awful, but thank you for coming with me.”
“It wasn’t too bad,” Eddie said cheerfully, pulling back from the hug. “Nothing can ruin ice cream.”
Hamid laughed and tapped his cone against Ed’s. “You’re not wrong there. Next time let’s just skip straight to the ice cream, though.”
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Festival of Lights (Fanfic)
With the help of several of my wonderful followers (including: @lgbt-fandom-fae @i-was-over-on-the-bench and anons) I was able to write a completely fluffy, angst-free, and hopefully accurately written short story about Lydia celebrating the first night of Hanukkah with Wendy, Wendy’s family, and BJ.
I cannot thank my followers enough for teaching me about Hanukkah, as a non-Jewish person the last thing I would want to do is incorrectly write about the holiday!
______________________________________________________________
Lydia had met Wendy’s family before. She had gotten to know her parents and her two brothers pretty well in the past two and a half months and she didn’t know why she was so nervous about this particular evening, but when Wendy invited her over for the first night of Hanukkah she instantly worried she’d do something horribly wrong. She had an approximate idea of what Hanukkah was, her family celebrated Christmas when she was growing up but they taught her about other religions. She just wanted to make a good impression because this was the first major family event Lydia had been invited too and she didn’t want to ruin it with her ignorance of their traditions.
“What can you tell me about Hanukkah?” Lydia asked BJ who was hanging upstairs in the attic with the Maitlands, “Wendy invited me over to her house to celebrate with her family and I have no clue what I’m doing, like I know it’s compared to Christmas but do I get her a gift? If I do what am I supposed to get her? If they pray do I join them or do I just respectfully stand there and listen because I’m not Jewish?”
“Kid you are making a way bigger deal out of this than it needs to be. It’s been a while since I’ve had a real Hanukkah but the worst thing you can do is this.” Beetlejuice gestured widely to her in general, “You freaking out about it is going to make everything so fucking awkward. Think about it, do you think this Wanda is overthinking what she’s gonna do when you invite her over to our humble abode for Christmas?”
Lydia shook her head, she hadn’t even considered Wendy mulling over the details of Christmas. It was just a casual thing in her family, they weren’t even super religious about it, when she was little they went to some church service with her grandparents but that was about it. Mainly it was just a bunch of fun little traditions and being with family.
“Just follow her lead, and bring me home some latkes. I’d kill for some good ones, my mom was a shitty cook but damn could she make some good latkes.”
Lydia spent the rest of the afternoon casually scrolling through websites on Hanukkah traditions before quickly wrapping the presents she had gotten for Wendy and her family , with the help from Delia, and her dad drove her over to the Blackwood house. Wendy only lived about a ten-minute walk from her house but since it was the middle of December in Connecticut her dad insisted on driving her over. Lydia held the presents wrapped in blue paper anxiously in her hand when he rang the doorbell. Wendy greeted her excitedly with a big smile and pulled her into a welcoming hug. She grabbed her hand and pulled her into the kitchen where Lydia could instantly smell the pleasant scent of potatoes frying on the stove, Wendy’s father yelping when some of the hot oil splashed up from the pan and onto his hand. Her brother Silas was sitting at the table playing a board game with her other Levi who Lydia was surprised was home, Wendy had told her he was in Oregon for a job interview.
“Mom, dad! Lydia’s here!” Wendy yelled
“Oh, hello Lydia! It’s so nice to have you here, Wendy’s been talking about it all day, she’s very excited you wanted to-”
Wendy gave her mom a look Lydia often gave her family members when they were embarrassing her. She couldn’t help but snicker a little now that she knew Wendy was just as nervous about tonight going well as Lydia was, “I’m excited to be here too!” Lydia set her present down on the table where a few other envelopes and small packages were being stashed.
Wendy’s father gestured for them to all sit down at the table and handed Lydia and Wendy a bowl of potatoes and asked them if they’d be willing to help him peal some more because he wanted to be sure they had enough ready so that Lydia could take latkes home for her family to try. Lydia enjoyed the process so much that she ended up helping Wendy’s father fry an entire batch of them, and while hers were more so burned than golden brown he still said they looked delicious. She helped set the table for dinner and everything looked and smelled amazing. For dinner, they had rosemary chicken, latkes, and challah bread which Lydia promptly decided was the best bread that she had ever tasted in her life. Lydia offered to help with the dishes but her parents insisted that Silas and Levi would be more than willing to clean up for them, but judging from the looks they gave their sister it was obvious she must have paid them to do the dishes that night.
For a while, the family just sat around the table chatting about what was going on in their lives and making polite chatter with Lydia who was now a lot less anxious now that the evening had gone underway. Though Wendy’s family was completely supportive of their relationship Wendy and Lydia kept their physical contact to a minimum, but still managed to hold hands underneath the table. Silas would always groan whenever he saw them doing couples stuff like hugging or holding hands, often teasing them by claiming they were already an old married couple. For a nine-year-old Silas was incredibly sarcastic, it often made Lydia wonder what it would be like if she had siblings but it had gotten to the point where Silas was like an honorary little brother. Lydia didn’t interact with Levi enough to have any kind of relationship with him so any conversation they had that night was pretty awkward in comparison to the casualness Lydia had with the rest of the family.
“Okay so this part is strange but my family likes to have a contest to see who can eat the most of this one doughnut called Sufganiyot in sixty seconds. They are like super dense and full of jelly, it’s really funny.” Wendy was already doubled over laughing while she was trying to explain the rules, “One time my dad tried to stuff three in his mouth at once and he just got jelly everywhere on the table. It was a sticky mess for like two weeks afterward.”
“Do you have to tell that story every year!” he defended, “You were like six years old I don’t even know how you remember it.”
“Dad how could I forget! I wish I had it on camera!”
Lydia lost the contest miserably, she was only able to eat about two and a half donuts before the timer went off. Silas was actually the winner eating a whole five and three quarters which was extremely impressive considering the next closest had only been able to eat four She probably could have done better but she loved the tasted of them and didn’t want to just swallow them down without enjoying the flavor. Besides the fun part was watching the rest of the family try. Wendy ended up with jelly all over the one side of her mouth. Wendy’s mom, much to her embarrassment, tried to wipe it off before Wendy ducked under her arm and wiped it off herself with a wet paper towel. Silas, feeling extremely confident from him recent victory, challenged everyone to a round of dreidle which later turned into six rounds where chocolate coins Lydia learned were called gelt and small trinkets were added to the pot and the rules seemed to constantly be changing. It didn’t really matter who was winning or losing, she was just enjoying spending time with Wendy’s family. Even Levi was warming up to Lydia, playfully teasing her when the dreidle would land on shin.
Lydia hadn’t even noticed how quickly the time had been flying by but when she glanced outside the kitchen window it was pitch blackout and the stars were shining in the sky. Wendy stood next to Lydia while the family gathered around the Menorah. Silas, Levi, and Mr. Blackwood were all wearing blue and silver yarmulkes on their heads and bowing their heads respectfully while they began to say the blessing of the evening. Lydia bowed her head respectfully and watched observantly as Mrs. Blackwood took the middle candle that Wendy whispered was called the Shamash and used it to light the first candle. While the first candle was being lit the family sang a blessing in Hebrew by the third repetition Wendy was coaxing Lydia to join them, while she wasn’t perfect with the pronunciation she managed to finish the song along with the rest of the family, “Baruch atah, Adonai Eloheinu, Melech haolam, asher kid'shanu b'mitzvotav v'tsivanu l'hadlik ner shel Hanukkah”
The Shamash had been placed back in the Menorah and Mr. Blackwood began to sing a blessing that Wendy explained quietly was called “hanerot halalu” which was customary to be recited after the candle of the evening had been kindled. The family smiled at the end of the blessing and Lydia couldn’t help but to feel to the volume of love in the household while they all stood around the now illuminated Menorah. While it was not a tradition she had grown up with it was a memory that she would forever cherish. She reached out fo Wendy’s hand and grabbed it in hers as her subtle way of thanking her for inviting her to join in the experience. After a few seconds, they all sat at the table again and exchanged presents. Levi and Wendy both got cards with a bit of money in the as well as a little bag of chocolates, Silas got a new video game and a dinosaur lego set. Lydia watched beaming as the family opened their presents from her, she even earned a smile from the hard to please Silas when he unwrapped a remote control car she had gotten him. She blushed when Wendy gushed over how pretty the necklace she had gotten her was. She immediately had her father help her put it on and was holding the blue pendant between her two fingers and grinning in glee. Lydia’s face turned even redder when she received a gift from Wendy’s parents, she and Wendy had already agreed to give each other presents on each other’s respective holidays so Lydia was thrown off guard to be getting a gift from the Blackwoods. She gently unwrapped the tissue paper and held the present close to her chest when she saw the little mason jar filled with gelt coins, her own dreidel, and a blessing written in fancy scrawl.
“I know you said you didn’t want a Hanukkah present because you’re not Jewish but my parents wanted to give you a memento to remember your first time celebrating.” Wendy smiled, Lydia rambled about how much she loved it and hugged everyone in the family. For another hour everyone sat around talking, laughing, and celebrating. It came too quickly when Lydia got the text saying he was in the driveway. The Blackwoods refused to send Lydia home empty-handed and they handed her a bag with leftover latkes and sufganiyot. Just like every time they had to say goodbye the two girls were incredibly dramatic, as if they weren’t planning on facetiming later that night, or had plans to hang out at Lydia’s house for Christmas. When they were sure none of the family members were lurking around the corner Lydia tugged on Wendy’s collar and planted a quick goodbye kiss on her lips and hugged her goodnight.
The whole car ride home Lydia talked her father’s ear off about how wonderful the evening was and how much fun she had. When she got home she searched eagerly for Beetlejuice ready to tell him all about it, she found him in the kitchen ready to light his own menorah she and the Maitlands had gotten him when he mentioned how he missed celebrating Hanukkah. She was grateful that he hadn't finished celebrating for the night, she felt bad not being there on the first night with him but he told her that he honestly didn’t mind if she spent the night with “Williomehnia”, but she still wanted to be there for him too. Lydia joined them and surprised BJ when she sort of knew the words to the one blessing. She played dreidel with him and her family while they feasted on the food the Blackwood’s had sent home with her. She quickly ran upstairs to her room and returned with a silver-wrapped present and handed it to Beetlejuice who was pretending his heart wasn’t swelling with love when he opened it to find a stuffed bear wearing a Hanukkah sweater.
Exhausted from a busy but amazing day Lydia went up to her room, snuggled up under the blankets with her cats and smiled as she thought about how a lot had changed for her in the past year of her life, and while for a long time she left like her entire family had fallen apart she was filled with pure love and joy when she thought about not only the family she had but the family she had found, and the family she had joined since she had met Wendy.
#lydia deetz#delia deetz#adam maitland#barbara maitland#charles deetz#lawrence beetlejuice shoggoth#presley ryan#sophia anne caruso#dana steingold#leslie kritzer#kerry butler#rob mcclure#alex brightman#beetlejuice#incorrect beetlejuice quotes#beetlegeuse#beetlejuice the musical#beetlejuice fanfic#beetlejuice fanfiction
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