one line in trimax that's always stuck with me is from chapter 65, right after wolfwood's death. when vash is sticking the punisher by his grave and he says "it was part of his life". that phrasing is so interesting to me. the neutrality of it is one thing that gets me, i think. it was part of his life. for better or worse, whatever it was, the punisher was wolfwood's.
It's pretty easy to think that the punisher might represent violence, the eye of michael, the role of assassin that was forced onto wolfwood, the loss of childhood. but it's not really presented that way, not overtly anyways. we never see wolfwood shun the punisher, he's not conflicted by his use of it. he never considers abandoning it for some other weapon. it's his weapon. he doesn't discard it when he eventually decides to take a more vash-like approach and actually let people live. he pretty easily accepts it as his own, a tool he can use. (to be fair, at least part of that is probably because the punisher is a very good gun.)
the punisher can still represent the harsher aspects of wolfwood's character, the violence he's committed, that he's capable of. that's an important part of his life! and the idea of it as representative of his violent adolescence, childhood that was stripped away, goes along with this - it's literally a cross to bear. but besides showing his past as a burden, i think of the punisher as being a cross of responsibility. when you have a gun you have power, agency - you have a responsibility to make a choice. that's what wolfwood tells vash in chapter 4.
the ability to take a life, the burden of it, is literally his cross to bear. that ability - and that responsibility - was given to him by the eom, literally in terms of the gun, and in terms of his skills. but the eye doesn't think twice about killing people. for them it's not really a choice, a responsibility, it's just a given. but wolfwood can't accept that. he's constantly considering the choices he makes.
so the punisher isn't only a symbol of the eye of michael, of the path that he was forced onto. it's also a way of expressing autonomy. the eye gave wolfwood the gun, but he decides how to use it and what it means. for much of the story wolfwood struggles to decide what to do, he's a very conflicted character. but eventually he resolves to use it against chapel, against knives, to help vash, and protect the orphanage. the gun gives him agency.
so the punisher was part of his life. it was the tool that he used to commit acts of violence, acts that he was forced into, but also the tool he used to break free.
it's heavy for vash, too. he's not exempt from that idea, the idea of responsibility. as wolfwood said much earlier in the story, vash has always been able to sidestep the question of "what do i choose?", because he's only ever given himself one option - everybody lives. and he's always succeeded. but as wolfwood says, "the day will come when you'll have to choose". one day, it's not going to work.
and of course the story progresses, the stakes ramp up, and vash learns more, goes through more, and is pushed to his limits. i think by this point, by wolfwood's death, and maybe because of it, vash has realized that he might have to make that difficult choice in the near future. that's one reason why he wants to "do him proud". he has a lot of reasons to say this of course - to not let wolfwood's sacrifice go to waste, for example. but if we're thinking of the cross as responsibility, then vash is saying he doesn't want to forget the lessons he learned because of wolfwood. wolfwood has always grappled with responsibility, with what the right thing to do is. and the right thing is often not easy. vash hopes that when the times comes for him to make a choice, he'll make a good one, one that does right by wolfwood's memory.
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yet another oc that only exists because i wanted to write something very specific
(middle is a little older, hence her scar healing. i like to think she gets a glass eye at some point)
anyway this is mira! (they/she) since that wip is almost 20k words and counting i won’t give away too much but long story short she’s the result of meta going “one last time, i promise” and adopting yet another kid
also galaxia kinda indirectly picked the name :)
i’ve mentioned before that i headcanon that pretty much all astrals are autistic and this is just kinda an extension of that. whereas meta tends to suppress his emotions and conform to others, mira…doesn’t. she gets uncomfortable and upset and lashes out at people easily, and working through their emotions is no small task.
the main reason i chose to write them that way was for the sake of narrative but i’ve grown attached to it because there’s a lot of ideas there i’d like to explore. stuff about navigating emotions and relationships when existing is so suffocatingly uncomfortable. it’s not something i could center around Kirby himself, but i think it makes sense with a post character development meta knight.
they are very loved (omg oldee cameo???)
kirby was definitely very excited to have younger siblings after being used to being the youngest in the room for so long!! (with the like. one and only exception being gooey.) he’s super affectionate with both of them and wants to have a close relationship one day, but for now mira is pretty unappreciative of that fact lol. they don’t like being pestered for hugs
everyone else is okay tho
(i know that’s hard to read. oops. “obvious bite marks”. siblings being siblings.)
mira also has a very love/hate relationship with the egg kid, being so close in age they kinda Have to get along but in typical sibling nature they also fight a lot. sure it’s probably rough for a while but i think in the end they’d be good buddies. maybe not as close as Kirby and Bandee but still.
anyway i have a lot of thoughts and am very busy but. i’m really enjoying writing about all this lately it’s been fun ^^
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heyyy, guess who’s back with more thoughts about itoshi rin????
so, we’ve already established that rin is a very extrinsically motivated person, at least when it comes to football. he doesn’t play football for himself, and he never has. and in a setting like blue lock i just don’t think that’s a sustainably way to play football. blue lock is a place that wants people have a real love for the sport, and would play it every single day of their lives if they could. ego wants people who want to win and want to be the best striker in the world.
rin,, doesn’t really want that. sure, he wants to beat isagi and prove his brother wrong, but that’s not really a longterm, sustainable goal. what happens when he succeeds? does he just stop and say, “okay, that’s good enough”? what happens if he never succeeds? if isagi just continually gets better and better and rin never beats him in a way that makes sae acknowledge him?
having extrinsic motivations is good and normal, but you also eventually have to do things that you want to do for you or you’re going to get burnt out. and i feel like that’s the path that rin’s headed towards if we’re being realistic about this. he just goes and goes and goes in a really unsustainable way, and eventually it’s going to catch up to him.
he’s a really interesting foil to isagi, who’s motivations are almost entirely intrinsic. part of why isagi’s mindset feels more sustainable to me is because he really only plays football for himself. he plays because he really loves the sport. and we don’t ever really see that in rin, so i feel like it’s eventually going to kind of blow up in his face as we’ve seen in previous rounds of blue lock.
or i’m entirely wrong about this. idk, i’m not kaneshiro. i’m just saying that i don’t think that rin’s got anything sustainable going on in how he plays football ¯\_ (ツ)_/¯
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theories as to where Grace got the cigarette she was smoking after fucking Max's ghost:
she has actually secretly been an active smoker for a long time and always carries a pack with her
she bought a pack of cigarettes when she was on the run from the cops because she was stressed, and figuring that she had already disappointed the Lord by touching herself and lying to the police and dismembering a body, decided that she might as well relieve that stress by taking up smoking
Max died with a pack of cigs and a lighter on him and they stayed with him when he turned ghost and Grace pocketed them from his clothes after they had sex
she just found them in the school or on the ground somewhere after the Lords in Black meeting, and perhaps her mind made the association between sex and cigarettes and that's how she came up with the idea of giving up her chastity to end Max's reign of terror
Grace had immediately thought of giving up her virginity as the sacrifice after the Lords in Black meeting, and the entire time Steph and Pete are running away and tearfully coming to terms with Steph having to kill Pete to stop Max, Grace is running around the school or off to a drug store for cigarettes because she felt having a smoke after was that necessary
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okay well I said I wouldn’t be posting about this anymore but.
Alex’s response. I’m kind of embarrassed for taking the relationship stuff so seriously as now it’s clear that this is basically high school drama. it doesn’t excuse any other shit she might’ve done or anything but I don’t really think that alex deserved to have her entire career destroyed over the shit I see every day from Bug with a split dye who just broke up with Knife with an Amazon spike collar. I hope that both parties can get help and recover from this but none of this needed to be public at all much less with children involved. my heart goes out to all the kids that were affected by people who should’ve been more mature
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