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9w1ft · 7 months

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Hi! I'm a longtime kaylor lurker, but I saw you and your anons were trying to think through the reason for this Travis Kelce push and I thought I'd share some perspective as an American who's not exactly a football fan per se, but is from an area of the country where football is very popular so I'm kind of an ambient fan by default. I'm very sorry this got a little long, but I do think there are some really interesting dynamics at play here, but the tldr; is - broad appeal for the American premiere and politics.

There are some optics about Travis Kelce that are I think getting lost in the NFL-to-Swiftie translation that may be important. He's a famous football player, yes, but NFL fans skew heavily towards older men in non-urban areas, which also means NFL fans skew conservative. Travis Kelce promoted Bud Light when transphobes in America were boycotting the brand, and is also partnering with Pfizer for a public health campaign to promote the COVID-19 vaccine, which is very controversial for American conservatives. He's also known as a very stylish man (which is weird to say but is pretty uncommon among American athletes, especially white ones, and he's well-known for it) and before Taylor, all of his known/rumored exes have been Black or mixed (I could write an essay on the racial dynamics alone of this weekend, but... suffice it to say it's there and messy). I'd also heard rumors that he was closeted before he got together with Taylor, but I never really looked into them that deeply so I don't know how true they are, or whether they arose just because he dresses well and doesn't usually date white women (sad but true that for a portion of Americans, that would be enough to make them doubt his masculinity and therefore heterosexuality). Which kind of gets to my point - before this, a lot of the more conservative wing of NFL fans saw Travis Kelce as controversial, "beta", not sufficiently manly, despite the fact he is a champion football player. I know all of this sounds a little insane, please remember that these are the people electing Donald Trump and going after drag shows and banning books with LGBTQ+ people in them.

So, with that slightly more nuanced image of Travis Kelce, I think that makes the clearest takeaway from this weekend, at least for me, how extremely traditional all-American it was. Football player, blonde girl cheering in the stands with his mom, driving off in his convertible after the game, them making a point to correct the initial reporting that she had paid for people's meals so that he's the one renting out the restaurant for her. To be clear, this isn't really how Travis Kelce is normally seen, and already I've seen some hit tweets with people dunking on conservatives criticizing Kelce for being insufficiently manly by responding something along the lines of "uh, he won the Super Bowl and bagged the world's most famous pop star, I think he's doing okay" - so, reading between the lines, he's performed (specifically) white masculinity very successfully. And for Taylor, too, I think we've already seen a lot of people saying how she's finally with a "real man" - he's very tall, he's very athletic, he's American, I think a lot of the joking anti-Joe "he's got a real job" comments fall into this bucket as well. She is performing white American womanhood in a very specific way, a large part of which is that she's being framed as not the 'dominant' partner in the relationship in the way she was in her relationship with Joe (by virtue of their differences in wealth and success).

So I think this is re-orienting both of their images into a new, very traditional, Americana-inspired direction. I don't think this is a market Taylor has really gone after maybe since she moved into pop in the first place, but especially not in recent years, when she swung very hard into a much more urban liberal niche (basing herself more out of NYC and London than Nashville, associating herself musically and socially with people like the Haim sisters, Phoebe Bridgers, MUNA).

I don't think we can know exactly why she's leaning this direction yet, but if I had to guess it's more about the American documentary premiere. In Hollywood, typically for the biggest box office impact you want a "four-quadrant movie" - one that appeals to the four biggest demographic quadrants (male/female and under 25/over 25). Taylor Swift's fanbase skews female and young, with a solid presence over 25 as well, and like I said earlier, the NFL's fanbase skews male and over 25. I don't think showing up to a football game will make a bunch of NFL fans suddenly want to see her documentary on opening night, but it may make them more inclined to go see it with their girlfriends, wives, or daughters a few days later, instead of staying at home, and that would have a very big box office impact.

I also think she *might* be looking at the political optics, and wanting to not only move on from MH but also put herself in a kind of solidly centrist-liberal place (she likes good ol' American football but also the vaccine! she votes Dem but she's not one of those New York liberal elites, she eats chicken tenders with seemingly ranch! - truly seems like this is a couple tailor-made (or maybe Taylor-made ;) ) to appeal to swing voters), which I think is very much where she tried to position herself with Miss Americana as well and which seems relevant given her voter registration push recently and as we move into an election year. I'll be very interested to see if she does anything further politically, or says anything about politics in her documentary again. Between her voter registration effort and his Pfizer partnership and the timing of both, politics is actually the angle I'd bet on driving this.

hi! thank you for sharing these thoughts, it provides more context for everything! i do think it shapes her persona in the public eye, and it’s interesting to think how that might benefit her in ways other than a profit motivation

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decimadragonoid · 2 months

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Here's some more Dragonball Z fanart featuring some of my favorite characters: Guldo, Chiaotzu, and Gohan. However, this art piece isn't exactly a happy one. You probably might get the hint as to why I say this already, but I'll give you some details.

As a lifelong fan of Dragonball, I was shocked to hear that the creator of the series, Akira Toriyama, had passed away roughly over a week ago. It was like reading news articles about how Toriyama-san was about to announce some new projects and spinoff works he was working on; then, suddenly, the next day, I found out that he was gone. According to official reports, Toriyama-san's cause of death was acute subdural hematoma. Basically, this is a form of severe head injury in which bleeding fills up the brain area and causes brain tissue to compress. I will leave a hyperlink in case anyone wants to know more about it, but anyway, back to Toriyama...

When I was much younger, I would watch Dragonball and Dragonball Z on Cartoon Network's Toonami and Miguzi segments. Sometimes I would find myself hurrying back home or to my grandma's house from school and my afterschool program to catch the latest episode. I would watch Goku's adventures religiously and see what kind of friends, rivals, and enemies he'd make along the way. I was also a big fan of the Dragonball Z video games, including DBZ: Budokai, The Legacy of Goku, Dragonball FighterZ, Super Dragonball Heroes: World Mission, and DBZ: Kakarot. I would play DBZ: Budokai 3 non-stop with my cousin whenever I went to his house to play his PS2 with him. I still wish I had my PS2 so I could relive my DBZ gaming memories, but I still have Dragonball FighterZ, Super Dragonball Heroes, and DBZ: Kakarot. Matter of fact, I want to return to Dragonball FighterZ at some point since the online modes have been overhauled with rollback netcode. I also want to go back to DBZ: Kakarot at some point to finish playing the game and DLCs!

Fast-forward several years later, I remember not too long ago that during the COVID pandemic, I would binge-watch the original Dragonball series and a portion of the Dragonball Z series while exercising on a machine in the comfort of my home. It was my favorite pastime and a great way for me to lose weight while doing so. In fact, I plan on continuing to binge-watch the original Dragonball Z series with the Kikuchi musical score real soon.

I'm still very shocked and saddened by the fact that Toriyama-san is no longer with us, but as a Dragonball fan and appreciator of his works, I will always keep his stories close to my heart. Dragonball is a series that has given me a reason to never give up on life and everything that I do. It's something that helps me get pumped to exercise, become a better person, and never stop improving myself in the long run. So, to give Toriyama-san a proper sendoff, I'm going to refrain from trying to collect the Dragon Balls to bring him back to life, salute him for all his hard work and his efforts to make my childhood the best childhood I've ever had, and keep his memories and works alive!

Thank you so much for the memories, Toriyama-san. May you rest in peace.

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Akira Toriyama:

April 5th, 1955-March 1st, 2024

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Please leave your thoughts and critique in the comment section, as it really helps me think about and improve my style! Be sure to reblog this and spread this around to your fellow Dragonball fans too!

Also, feel free to share some of your fondest memories of Akira Toriyama's works, whether it be Dragonball Z or anything else that comes to mind. I'd love to hear your fondest memories!

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Dragonball Z © Akira Toriyama

Fanart by DecimaDragonoid

#guldo #gohan #chiaotzu #dragonball fanart #rest in peace #akira toriyama #gone but never forgotten #thank you for the memories #life outside dragonball z #ginyu force #in my feels #thank you #childhood memories #2000s kid #early 2000s

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punkinspice · 7 months

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If you don't mind my asking, are you still Christian? I have seen your posts over time about leaving cults and whatnot, and I was curious how that impacted your faith.

Hello! I don't mind you asking at all, and I am happy to talk about it, it's just that it's a very touchy, complicated, controversial and long answer that I don't always know how to answer it in a way that makes sense. (this may get really deep)

If I were to be 100% honest, I will admit that I personally no longer believe in or identify with being a Christian or the Christian faith.

As to what I believe in currently, or what I'd call myself now? I really don't have an answer to that. I guess you could say I'm currently leaning more towards being an agnostic and sometimes atheist? But honestly, the things I may agree with today, may change tomorrow. and I'm sure the things I will believe in currently will be completely changed in a year. And.... I am ok with that. I want to be questioning and to have an open mind to things, opinions and questions and to have the permission to be wrong and to change my mind on things as I learn new or more information.

This is not a choice that I've come to easily, or glibly. It's been a process I've been in the past 3 maybe 4 years of my life, and I think in the last year is when I've chosen to leave the faith. It's a place I never thought I would be in and it's involved a lot of pain, confusion and trauma and healing in my life. There is a whole ton more I could go more deeply into, but I don't feel this is the right post to do that, and I don't quite have words yet to explain or describe everything.

As far as the cult thing goes, there were and are a lot ways that I was raised and taught to believe in, that by definition, was a cult. There were a lot things that were abusive and still traumatize and cut into me deeply and I am in the process of recovering from and untangling the things that were taught to me and it still brings up a lot of trauma for me, of which I am thankfully getting help for.

I also joined a well known Christian organization around the age of 21/22, and was in it for over 2 years, until Covid hit and I had to go home. And the more time I was out and after a ton of research and studying, I will be honest and say that that organization is a cult, and it did leave a lot of mental and financial wounds on me that I am going to be recovering from for a long time. Did I learn a lot from that experience and grow from it? Yes I did, but it is an experience and chapter of my life that I am glad is over.

I know that from the short examples that I've given it's really easy to say that that really wasn't true Christianity, or it was just people poorly misrepresenting the word and love of God, or worse, blaming me and saying that I was never a Christian to begin with, which I can't even begin to explain how much and how deeply into the faith I truly was, and how hurtful that allegation is.

...And maybe all of that is true... And maybe it isn't....

There is a lot of pain, betrayal, anger and grief that I am still healing from and will be healing from for years to come. I don't want to live in a state of bitterness and anger and blame of the things that were done to me. But I also want to admit and be honest about the wrongs that were done to me and the abuse that was done to me in the name of Love.

I need time and separation, but mostly I need love and understanding. It's one of the most painful and isolating experiences I've ever gone through in my life, and so utterly earth shattering and life changing and most of the time you can't even talk to your family or friends about it because you are so afraid of the way they will react and what they will take away from you.

A lot of this is very surface level of my journey through this "deconstruction" of faith if that's what you want to call it. There's so much more that I could go in depth in, but again I don't always have the words or mental fortitude to really get into a lot of things.

If you still have questions I'll try my best to answer. I know this is a really sad and hard thing for a lot of people to hear, and yeah.

It is sad. It's devastating.

There are days I wish could go back to the way it was, or that I could fully go back into the faith.... but I can't. And, despite the excruciating pain and grief that I've been going through, I ironically feel so much more freedom and peace than I ever did in religion. Which I know is hard to comprehend... it's hard for me to explain.

I'm sorry for the ramble and the heaviness. But I guess now's as good a time as any to finally admit this about myself and where I am at.

My final thought is to please have so much grace and understanding to people in your life who are going through a similar process to me. If you have friends or family in this same process, please just be kind to them. They didn't ask for any of this, and many times these doubts and questions came from things out of their control, and they're simply trying and surviving the best they can. There is so much pain there that I'm sure they haven't expressed to you because they are afraid of losing everyone and everything that they love, simply because they do not believe in the same thing anymore. So just love them, and hold space for them and don't argue or defend, as that will only push them away further. And also be open to them. They may have very important and valid insights to things that you may have become blind to. If you really believe in a loving, kind and gracious God then he would be doing those things for these people 10 fold.

#OOF #this was a lot heavier than i intended but I think it needed to be said #its been........ a very very long journey that i am still coming to terms with #but its also a journey that i am so glad to be on #faith #deconstruction #cults #christianity #tw trauma #sorry op #long heavy sigh #welp #here goes nothing #if you have more questions or just wanna chat my dms are open

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beardedmrbean · 1 year

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A convicted sex offender in Oklahoma shot and killed six people – including his wife and her three children – before turning the gun on himself, police confirmed Wednesday.

The details come after 39-year-old Jesse McFadden and the bodies of seven others were found on a rural property near Henryetta, Oklahoma – about 90 miles east of Oklahoma City on Monday.

Okmulgee Police Chief Joe Prentice said the victims had been shot one to three times in the head.

The victims were McFadden’s 35-year-old wife, Holly Guess, and her three children, Rylee Elizabeth Allen, 17; Michael James Mayo, 15; and Tiffany Dore Guess, 13.

Two teen girls Brittany Brewer, 16, and Ivy Webster, 14, who were visiting the family over the weekend, were also found dead.

Police found the seven bodies amid a search for McFadden after he failed to appear at his long-delayed jury trial on Monday in Muskogee County.

McFadden was sentenced in 2003 to 20 years for first-degree rape of a 17-year-old. He was released three years early despite facing new charges of using a contraband cell phone in 2016 to trade nude photos with a 16-year-old girl.

Now family members of the victims are questioning why McFadden – despite facing new charges that could send him back to prison – was freed after serving only 16 years and nine months of his original 20-year sentence.

The Oklahoma Department of Corrections did not respond to Fox News' request for comment on the matter.

Court records show McFadden was charged with the new crimes in 2017 after the young woman's relative alerted authorities.

Set free in October 2020, he was arrested the next month and then released on a $25,000 bond pending the trial, which was repeatedly delayed, in part due to the COVID-19 pandemic.

Ominous text messages obtained by KOKI show McFadden appearing to blame his accuser – now a 23-year-old woman – for ending his "great life" and saying that he was determined not to go to prison.

"Now it’s all gone," he texted. "I told you I wouldn’t go back."

He added: "This is all on you for continuing this."

McFadden married Guess in May 2022; what she knew of his record isn't clear. Her mother, Janette Mayo, said the family didn't learn about her son-in-law's criminal history until a few months ago.

"He lied to my daughter, and he convinced her it was all just a huge mistake," Mayo told The Associated Press. "He was very standoffish, generally very quiet, but he kept my daughter and the kids basically under lock and key. He had to know where they were at all times, which sent red flags up."

#nunyas news

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arizonaconservativegal · 1 year

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Hi there. Californian desperately looking to flee this coming summer. Was once considering Arizona but I’m concerned that the election chaos of CA is in AZ too and now you have a Democrat governor. Is this still a place I can safely flee or is AZ lost like Cali now? Honestly asking. I don’t want to absorb the work and expense of relocating just to be in the same place.

I might give it a year and see how much Katie Hobbs is able to bypass or bully the legislature. I think they'll be able to keep her in check but they have an unfortunate habit of being certifiably insane so I hate to put all my hopes on them. In general, I don't expect the next four years to be super fun here but I wouldn't say the fight is over yet. Our state party doesn't know what the fuck it's doing but if they get their shit together, the state is very winnable. We may have had a big influx of Californians moving here since covid but this is still a slightly right of center state.

I'll give you my usual warnings about moving here:

If you're renting, you should know that housing prices in the cities / larger towns have shot up about 50% in about four years and show no signs of slowing. Be ready for that. I don't know offhand what the trend has been for the more rural areas, but I imagine it's gone up a fair bit too. Still much, much cheaper than California though.

If you're buying, you need to very thoroughly dig into the water rights where you buy or you might find yourself in a lot of expensive trouble very quickly. This is especially true if you are looking at a rural area but several unincorporated areas on the edges of Phoenix have learned the hard way recently that hiring water haulers isn't cheap.

In most of the state, illegal immigration tends to be more of a political issue than a daily life issue but for areas on the border and along major drug corridors, it is a very serious problem. Good luck getting into a hospital in Yuma - they're overflowing with illegal immigrants. I also personally know people who cannot go outside on their own property at night because the cartels use it to traffick all sorts of things and they will shoot you if they see you.

We did manage to hold on to the corporation commission, which regulates the power companies, so I'm not too worried about this unless the legislature does something dumb, but we do need a new power plant soon or we may be looking at rolling blackouts in the not super distant future... I think it'll be okay but it would have been good to have a Republican in the governor's office to smooth that process a bit.

We have a very low income tax and property taxes tend to be low for primary residences. People think this means we are a low tax state. What they forget is that we have a very high sales tax - nearly 10% in some areas. All said and done, we're fairly average for total tax rates when compared with other states. It's still a lot better than California, but I don't want you to be surprised.

You need a car to get around here. Public transportation exists but isn't very functional and nothing is close enough to walk. Make sure you get a new Arizona plate (you only need one) because otherwise everyone will see your Cali plates and automatically hate you.

And the last warning I have is that yes, it really does get fuck-off hot here in the summer. Expect temperatures to never fall below 100 for the entire month of July. If Phoenix doesn't get a straight week of 115+, that's a mild summer. If you're from LA, you probably know what to expect. Otherwise, make sure you have a good AC system - and you want AC, not a swamp cooler. Trust me.

All that said, it's really a great state to live in. It's raining today and that's a rare enough event that everyone gets excited for it. There really is nothing like a southern Arizona sunset. Jeans and a button down shirt count as formal attire in half the state, especially when paired with cowboy boots. Most of the population is from somewhere else so you can find restaurants with quality food from anywhere you like. In most of the state, you will literally never have to shovel snow or scrape ice off your windshield. We have all the major sports franchises so you can go to big games when you want and they don't totally suck but none of the teams are good enough that anyone really expects you to root for them over your home team. We have more biomes here than any other state in the country so whatever kind of environment you want, you can get. Natural disasters don't happen in most of the state - the worst thing is forest fires in the north which are usually manageable. We have a weirdly huge historic car community because our climate is so dry that the cars don't rust. People put Christmas lights on cacti. Haboobs look like the apocalypse is rolling in but are really just a funny word for the newscasters to say a lot. You will see people wearing a bolo tie unironically. I once saw a woman put a tumbleweed in the back of a minivan. I love it here.

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nostalgia-tblr · 1 year

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woodelf68 59m @nostalgia-tblr yes of course tell your story about Covid and your building.

OKAY AM GONNA.

I probably need to provide some cultural context to start us off: I live in the UK in council housing, which other places may call social housing or possibly government housing. It's owned by the local authority and the bit I am in was built in the 1960s post-war "knock down all these slums and replace them with nicer housing" era. This particular development goes up and down a street and is a mix of maisonettes and flats. These homes don't have their own wee individual lawns but we have communal areas with a mix of paving and grass and the occasional tree. Since these aren't attached a particular tenancy/home there's no specific person that's responsible for them so the council do the big maintenance tasks of keeping the trees under control and - the basis of our story today - mowing the grass areas. Someone comes out in warmer months in a wee lawnmower-buggy thing and drives around and BEHOLD the grass is cut.

But then... THE RONA!!

The UK went into our first Covid lockdown near the end of March 2020 at which point the council by necessity paused routine maintenance on their properties. They'd come out for an emergency but anything that could wait was left to, well, wait. As you might suppose, this included the mowing of those communal lawns.

My building has grass on two sides and it grew as grass does and by the start of summer 2020 it was getting fairly long. Eventually someone - I don't know who - got hold of a lawnmower from somewhere and cut some of the grass. The whole area's too much for one person really but they did a good chunk of it. And over the next couple of weeks more and more bits of grass were cut. I saw at least two different people with two different mowers, so it wasn't all the one person. So now we had nice neat lawns, all done by the tenants of this building. Hurrah!

You're not supposed to plant anything on these lawns. (The one at the back is "a drying green" apparently, where we're meant to be able to hang out washing done in our laundrette. Which we don't.) A few years before someone planted a few flowers and then those swiftly and suddenly vanished and we all got a letter reminding us not to do that. But now the council weren't coming out to look at these things anyway, were they? And we had this nice neat lawn (or two, really) and it was summer and we were in and out of lockdowns with less to do than we usually would have. So someone planted some flowers anyway. Fuck the council! We can have flowers for now! And then someone else did. And so it spread. At time of writing in 2023 the edges of the lawns are mostly flowerbed with various pretty plants in them.

Other things started to appear. Garden lights. A couple of bird feeders. Plants in pots at people's doors. There's a barbeque grill round the back of the laundrette that gets used now and then. I don't know who owns it but it didn't used to be there and I'm fairly sure it isn't supposed to be there either. Soon the outdoor areas were like a big garden. People kept cutting the grass.

Normal building maintenance is back on and has been for some time now, so we've had the grass cut properly. Repair people and even Housing Officers (the people who are meant to tell us not to do these things) have been and gone and the gardenyness (that's a word, shh) remains. It's quite nice out there now and sometimes on the way back from the shops I go past the flowerbeds to see what's new. I don't know why this has been allowed to stay - it might be that nobody has complained and that it encourages the tenants to keep the whole area neat and tidy. Either way, it's nice.

And so that is the lovely wholesome story of how COVID made my building pretty.

#it me

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prismatoxic · 10 months

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this is going to be a very long and very personal post, but i've been thinking about it for a while. it's about my old FP i mention sometimes.

it's almost 4k words long, so. be prepared for that.

i got this question on retrospring a few days after paris blew up on me.

it is a very innocuous message. probably from a friend, maybe from a stranger; i won't know unless they tell me. it's the last question i ever answered on retrospring, though i have gotten harassment since that i did not answer, forcing me to shut off anonymous messages.

the exact timestamp is Sunday, May 29th. the last time paris messaged me was Tuesday, May 24th. i had to go into our old server to find that date. i don't have a good memory, but i also hate to look at anything from their old account. so, the message on retrospring: a seemingly insignificant event, but dated so close to the breakdown that is serves as a much more accessible reminder of how long it's been.

"about 1 year ago" is the immediately visible timestamp on the message.

2 years ago, paris was my best friend.

though, thinking about it, maybe that isn't true. it isn't what i called them. mikee is my best friend, and i consider jesse to be there as well. i have never wanted to dethrone them from that spot. that term is special to me. (see, now, why my earlier post mocked myself wanting to be everyone's best friend? i won't even use the title for more than 2 people.)

no, i called paris my "queerplatonic partner" or my "platonic soulmate". qpp, usually. in hindsight it is so blatantly clear that i was obsessed, that i was attached in such an unhealthy way; i did not recognize myself as having BPD at the time. so, in the end, paris was not my qpp, nor any manner of soulmate. they were my "FP", or Favorite Person: a BPD term i would say is akin to "hyperfixation", but on someone you personally know.

i don't want to openly pass judgement on paris here, because that's not why i'm writing this. they're long gone and goading people to be as upset as i am serves no purpose. however, i will say this: they encouraged my behavior. my obsession. i believed, in a sense, that the pedestal i had put them on was in some way parallel to the one they had me on.

there was no pedestal under me, though.

paris and i met sometime in September of 2020. potentially on the 15th, as that is when i created our roleplay server. it was in a proship fandom server for a website i used to moderate. (i don't know if that site is ever going to manage to get finished, now, but i still have hope.) having just gotten very into souyo, i was hunting for roleplay partners, and said as much in some channel or another. paris, at the time, was playing P4G for the very first time. we got to talking. i made our roleplay server, and for two years, we would only ever talk therein.

today, there are 77 threads in that server for different roleplay plots. some are very long; others, very short. i was (and am) unable to focus on any one thing for any real length of time, but paris was accommodating. they were happy to do new plots as i came up with them, and they pitched their own from time to time. most of them are souyo; a handful are for our bancho triplet au; there are some akeshus, and one or two banpegos. we came up with a lot of ideas. a lot of aus. sometimes we'd redo an idea; sometimes we'd branch off from something we'd done before.

we roleplayed every day. i knew their schedule and they knew mine. our responses were quick and snappy, and if we couldn't keep up, we'd talk about it. we talked A LOT. very rarely on the phone or VC, usually in text. they do not live in the US, but we exchanged numbers anyway. we talked so much and so often that it drowned a lot of my other relationships out; i can be very single-minded in my obsessions. i almost lost several people.

i almost lost the love of my life.

in the summer of 2021, paris was taking a trip to the united states to get vaccinated for Covid, and they made plans to stop and see multiple people. in between other plans, they made just enough time to see me for 3 days. they were seeing their older friends for much longer, but i didn't question it, i didn't worry. i was so sure that i was so special to paris. i trusted them so much that the fact that they refused to allow me to interact with their core friend group just bounced right off of me.

in retrospect? ouch.

the visit was fine. paris finally convinced me that i was allowed to be disabled, that i was allowed to rely on support like the electric carts at stores and stuff. they had clashed with devot in the past, but the two of them got along fine for the visit. i was so thrilled; my two most important people, getting along? what could be better? the three of us had lunch and went to ikea. then i hung out at paris's hotel the other two days.

even when they were visiting their other friends, we were talking near-constantly. at some point, my obsession reached a very unfortunate peak, and i decided that if i was that obsessed, clearly i was in love with them. they were (and are, presumably) polyamorous, and i thought maybe i was too.

this isn't a part i want to talk about very much, because it's humiliating and painful. i tried to negotiate an open relationship with devot, and as a result, i almost lost him entirely. it was a very hard time for us, and it made me realize that i loved him way more than i could ever love someone else, even paris. if pursuing paris meant i would lose devot, then i simply wouldn't pursue paris.

paris knew my intentions and knew my ultimate decision. however that made them feel, i can't say. i don't know.

you see, towards the tail end of their trip, they suffered a familial tragedy and their return home was delayed. (or maybe they did make it home, but not for very long? my memory is fuzzy and i absolutely do not want to comb through our server to find it.) their family was in the US and that's where they needed to be for a while. i don't want to go into more detail than that; it was a very personal time for them. we did not talk a lot during it. they said, "i can't carry you right now".

maybe that was a clue as to how they viewed our relationship. i don't know. i assured them i wasn't asking for that, that i could carry them, but all the same they needed their space and i gave it to them. i had permission to send messages with the understanding that there would be no response, so i did.

in lamenting my mental state during all this, jesse (you may recall him being a best friend) suggested to me that maybe i possibly, perhaps, had BPD. he explained it to me and may have also directed me to some sources. it was eye-opening. it forced me to confront my actions and alter my behavior in ways i never realized i needed to do. in terms of paris, however, it came too little, too late.

this part of the story i have told before; i mean, i've told it all before, but i think i was more descriptive at this point. as paris recovered from the tragedy and began returning to normal life, they did so increasingly without me.

conversations in our server were short and uneventful. they were not up to roleplay, which i understood; i searched for other ways for us to connect.

they abandoned their persona 4 twitter and made a new one. they claimed persona 4 had become a trigger. i don't know why, and they never explained. it seemed that the biggest connection we had was now in the past, but i was so deeply, wholeheartedly invested in our relationship that i didn't let it get me down... too much.

the thing about the decline of our relationship is that it was not all at once. it was an accumulation of things, increasingly large signs that they were done with me. the persona 4 abandonment was one of those signs. another, how they were publicly interacting with their older friends, but no longer with me. yet another; they got into no man's sky, but when i finally got my hands on a copy to play with them, they stopped playing. or maybe they just stopped posting about it.

they did not post in our server unless i prompted them first. they did speak in our server with our mutual friend priam, but... just to talk to priam. ask them for advice on the french language, mostly, for a novel they had started to write. anything i said was quickly glossed over (not by priam, though; priam and i are still friends and i love him dearly).

this went on for 7 months.

i know that figure because just before i purged my vent twitter, i went back to the very first post i'd made about the situation. i posted a lot about it... almost every day. i also cried almost every day. i was trying to take it in stride, at least publicly, but in private i was falling apart. paris, who used to like every post on my vent twitter to let me know they were reading them, had stopped doing so. they also never asked me about any of the posts, which they used to do. at some point i figured they had most likely muted my account.

it doesn't feel like it was 7 months. it feels like it was much shorter. how could i have been in so much emotional pain for 7 whole months? i know i was hiding it from everyone as best i could, i didn't even tell my therapist; how could i have done so for so long? but my vent twitter proved the timeline. 7 months.

devot's not blind, of course. he knew something was up. i very rarely told him anything about paris, a point of contention between us. i knew he didn't like them. i didn't want to make it worse. however, i am nothing if not a paper-thin pane of glass when it comes to the phrase, "are you okay?", and eventually i had to tell him why i was so depressed.

he didn't know how to help. the only thing he could do was provide me with the matches; i had to burn the bridge myself.

he told me, early on in my relationship with paris, that they had told him something. (i didn't know they'd spoken outside of my personal server at all.) they told him that my obsession with them wouldn't last, that eventually i would find another interest and move on.

it was a gut-punch. our relationship meant everything to me, but they only saw me as an obsessed little fanboy, at least at the time. and it felt ironic, because they had moved on from me, not the other way around.

paris was (and presumably is) very serious about the privacy of 1 on 1 conversations. they never ever divulged things that happened between them and someone else that seemed in any way "personal." they expected this of others, as well; they told devot what they said in confidence. of course, his loyalties lie with me and absolutely not with them, so he told me anyway.

now, let's step back, for a moment. i want to try and paint a picture of what it was like being in my shoes.

i trusted paris. everything they had ever said to me was taken at face-value and believed. they had proven to me (or so i thought) that they always spoke their mind, were honest, and cared about me very deeply. i trusted them to tell me if something was wrong. in those 7 months, i asked them directly if anything was bad between us. they assured me we were fine. all the while, i knew they were hanging out with their older (real?) friends and generally ignoring me. i knew they had come to loathe the media that brought us together. i knew that they didn't want to play games with me, even their supposed favorite game.

i knew that they were shutting me out.

but paris never communicated this. they were visibly moving on without me, but i trusted them so much that i willfully turned a blind eye to it, waiting for the day they'd be "ready" to talk to me again. then devot told me about what they'd said, and finally, i started to split.

splitting is another BPD term, though it has its uses in general psychology as well. it is primarily a defense mechanism, mostly against The Big BPD Fear, abandonment. splitting is to see a situation and black and white and take a side. there was no longer nuance to the situation; there was paris is my friend, or paris is my enemy.

i was reluctant to let it happen. i resisted it. splitting and my natural empathy are extremely at odds with one another; i tried to convince my brain that paris was still my friend, that there were reasons for all of this. these were conscious thoughts, but the split was not a conscious choice.

i resented paris. either they apologized to me, and fixed things, or they didn't and that was that, it was over. very new to the concept that these were unproductive thoughts, i didn't know how to combat them.

i made a tweet on my vent twitter.

as i said earlier, i had come to assume that paris had simply muted my vent twitter; they had gone through so much, clearly they couldn't carry me, as they said... so i made a vague tweet that wasn't really vague, assuming they probably wouldn't see it anyway.

to paraphrase, as the tweet no longer exists: "you said once that i would get bored of you and move on, but you're the one who moved on from me"

they had not muted my twitter, they were just ignoring it. i know this because they finally messaged me first, and it was about that tweet.

the first volley of messages, sent in our roleplay server, was very clipped but mostly civil. they were disappointed in me for resorting to such a low tactic as to post a passive aggressive tweet instead of coming to them about my concerns.

(i had been having no luck getting them to talk to me; our last exchange in that server was nearly a month prior and lasted about 6 messages. perhaps you can imagine why i didn't think taking my concerns to them would work.)

i was not present when they sent these messages, and didn't get to say anything before they left the server. i did return to my computer not long after, however, and realized, with equal parts regret and relief, that it was over.

then they dm'd me, something they had not done since we very first started talking.

the dms were vicious. they had only gotten angrier after sending the first wave of messages and wanted me to know. devot had betrayed them by telling me what they said, and i betrayed them by repeating it on my vent.

i watched each message roll in, one after the other, numb. i considered replying. i never did.

they called me selfish. hungry for attention. everything was always about me. they said all that happened was they stopped initiating contact, and i had the nerve to claim it was abandonment? in the server, they said they expected me to tell them if i had an issue with them. in the dms, they professed to feelings they had never told me they had towards me.

they said they didn't know what they were even trying to accomplish, that i wouldn't even care. the messages stopped.

their twitter was abandoned; in time, their discord was as well. they never blocked me, simply... vanished. their friend list was wiped clean, their icon blacked out. i think it only didn't happen immediately because they needed to retract their presence from everything they modded and collaborated on. why not delete the discord? i don't know. i'll never know.

it's still there, black icon, no friends, no profile. our exchanges are intact. every other account i ever knew them to have is abandoned as well. if i had to guess, they don't go by "paris" anymore. they told me they had changed before, that "paris" was the longest-running identity they had. they loved being "paris". i'm sorry i ruined it, genuinely.

so, May 24th, 2022. a Tuesday; devot would have been off work. i don't remember if i cried. i think i was just sort of bitterly relieved. i think i said "good riddance" on my vent, after blocking their accounts.

that's the thing about defense mechanisms, i guess. they can work. yet, as time passed, the full weight of it all came bearing down on me. not just the end, but every part before it: the grief of it all, of losing paris, piece by piece until there was nothing left. them claiming that the "only thing" they had done was stop engaging with me first was laughable, but maybe to them, that really was the truth. i said it before: it was an accumulation of things. straws on the camel's back, you know how it goes.

it was never just about the roleplaying, or even the conversations. i tried so hard, for so long, to find something else we could do. i trusted them when they said we were fine. i trusted them when they told me they loved me. i trusted them in every way i could trust a person.

paris said once that they didn't believe in empathy. they said it was essentially "mind reading", that there was no way to know how another person was feeling, so how could you know you felt the same? hyper-empathetic, i stayed quiet. they were smarter than me, and more worldly than me; they probably knew better.

"about 1 year ago," says retrospring. i remember when it said only days. when it said a month. when it said 7 months. (that might be when i made my last post on the subject.)

shortly before that day, i finally told my therapist what was happening. it was my very last appointment with him; i'd been seeing him for 4 years. he was moving onto a private practice and could no longer take my insurance.

i said it had all began about a year after paris and i met, and he posited a theory: perhaps it was the honeymoon phase. those tend to last about a year, he said. maybe they had simply gotten bored. he did not say it unkindly (he was very good at his job, and i trusted him very much), but it did strike a chord in me. i thought maybe it was too simple an explanation, though, and after all, we were qpps. how could they just get bored?

i don't think we were qpps at that point. (arguably, we never were, but as a label we shared, i think they had agreed on it at least for a while.)

the explosion a scant few days later did not feel like boredom, it felt like vitriol. like resentment. it felt like they had wanted to say those things for a long time. but it had been 7 months since the possible end of this "honeymoon phase," so maybe. i guess i'll never know.

i have become very bad at keeping up with roleplay. even if it's the same short style, or even if they let me switch between ideas constantly. even if it's souyo. even if they're my friend. even if i'm having a great time. at some point, the mental block rises up, and even though i'm not thinking about paris, i know that's where it came from. devot is the only one largely immune to this effect; we still roleplay constantly, though i do at times fall into slumps even so.

i keep trying; i love to roleplay. it's my favorite hobby. but every time i try, it stops dead by my own hand. even if i'm actively trying to prevent it.

...but otherwise, i think i'm doing better.

my approach to relationships is different. i know what i'm capable of, if i get carried away. i'm careful, and i try to keep track of my emotions about a person. i also trust people a lot less, and fear abandonment a lot more, but i'm aware of it and trying to do something about it.

devot and i are doing much better; he doesn't have to compete with anyone anymore. i have a lot more time and emotional energy for him. i love him very much, and i'm so grateful he stuck with me. i'd be nowhere without him.

the roleplay server i made for myself and paris sits at the very bottom of my server list, tucked into a folder with the server we shared with priam. i don't want to lose the memories, but i never even look at them, so it probably doesn't matter either way. maybe someday i'll use some of those old ideas. i already did, with one; one of our roleplays was the basis for my oc nate, who i made well after paris was gone.

i do not ever want to see or speak to paris again. luckily, the feeling is most certainly mutual.

tomorrow, in about 12 hours, i will be speaking to my new therapist. he is the second i have had since the one i had for 4 years, and the first since then that i actually think i mesh well with. i think i'll tell him all of this. hell, i might even read the post to him. we'll see.

is there a point to all of this? kind of. mostly it's for me, a retrospective of what happened. it's also just informative for the people closest to me who i have likely not told everything in this much detail. if you read it and get something out of it, that's great.

it's been "about 1 year," according to retrospring. i think i like that metric better than the exact timestamps of paris's final messages to me that discord gives. the era of "tox and paris" burned bright and burned hard, and died out very quickly. it's probably for the best. i am healing, and i don't know if i'd have ever gotten better if they kept me around. there is a long way to go, but... i have hope, honestly. i think i'll be okay.

#tox.txt #this is wildly personal i'm not kidding. you don't have to read it if you're not interested #it's about BPD and obsession and grief and i'm really only posting it publicly bc like...#idk man i want it to be somewhere i can share i guess. this one doesn't go into the void #tagging so i can find it later...#The Paris Saga

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sextonsharpwinhalstead · 2 years

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Do you know anything about the number of episodes for the resident season 6, it seems they only ordered 13 maybe with the option to order more which is so weird if they wanted have ordered more they would've done it from the start I'm so annoyed I just read a tvline interview and it seems Conrad is going with cade but it won't stick and the person he ends up with isn't the one he chooses at first which ??? How are you gonna do all that in 13 eps. I can already see what's going to happen they're gonna waste time giving us cade and Conrad and once they give us a hint of Billie the show is going to get cancelled and we'll get nothing like we don't have time for this bullshit this is s6 not S2 they should've just had him choose billie from the start do we'd get them for 13 episodes instead of one and then it's gone. It reminds of macriley, Macgyver kept fucking giving us a relationship no one wanted and when they were starting to give us THE ship the show was killed, we all love a slow burn but these writers never learn

I don't. I know there were only 13 the year before because of COVID and maybe they feel like they can tell enough story with that many. If they do the 'see-as-we-go' deal they may order more if the series is doing well and commit to more episodes for renewal. It just depends.

I just had an ask that basically gave that premise. I HATE like HATE that option. Cade has walls up, for good reason, and I'm glad Conrad and Devon and the gang were able to make her feel like family but she doesn't even seem interested in him and he is recreating his dead wife. Like I don't want that just to be the reason why she doesn't want him because feelings change and she may feel ready later and that feels like a triangle no one asked for. If Billie and him had spent the last season with equal time...maybe this story could've been pulled off but I just don't see enough of what's there or could be there. They haven't had enough scenes. Also is there ever going to be discussion about what it takes to help run the hospital for Billie or are we sidelining that for this.

But you're right, it's a tale we ALL could write. I wasn't apart of the MacGuyver fandom but this happens CONSTANTLY! I'm in the middle of it on another show and ready to get hurt again on my newest obsession. Pitch, Sleepy Hollow, Recovery Road, Chicago Med, The Good Doctor, New Amsterdam, Twisted, Person Of Interest...etc. It doesn't matter it just seems to repeat. Either via cancellation, talent leaving, or a mixture of both, this is a very exhausting pattern to witness on television regardless of supported ship.

#fox the resident #the resident #billie sutton #conrad hawkins

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a-cometinthesky · 4 months

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Day 4 : Places you want to visit

This should've been written like...three years ago, but yeaa we're here anyway

● Oceans

Everywhere I go, the ocean is the only thing on my mind. To witness both the sunrise and sunset, to merely gaze at them, capture a couple of pictures, and afterward, fix my eyes on them until they disappear. I yearn to etch their beauty into my mind's film reel, to replay those breathtaking moments. The magnificence of the ocean and the sun, the melodies of the wind and waves - their tranquility compels me to plunge in and let everything inside my mind drown. I'm deeply in love with the ocean.

I remember planning a solo trip to Semarang, considering the idea of heading to Karimunjawa as it's relatively close. However, transportation to Karimunjawa proved challenging; the schedules didn't align, and there were no daily ferries. To convince myself to go, I playfully invited a friend, but they declined and suggested Yogyakarta instead. They agreed to Yogyakarta and asked me to find train tickets. I searched but couldn't find any. It's disheartening. Traveling during the Christmas holiday is always bustling, right? It just wasn't meant to be for us to go together. As my friend inspired me to consider Yogyakarta, I contemplated taking a travel service from Semarang to Yogyakarta. I began drafting an itinerary, intending to arrange accommodations, plan visits, decide on transportation, dining spots, and, most importantly, which beaches to visit. The itinerary is still a mess. I'll continue tomorrow.

Shortly after, while scrolling for solo travel ideas, I stumbled upon someone's brilliant suggestion to rent a car in Yogyakarta for a day trip exploring beaches. I began searching for car rental information, inquiring via WhatsApp, seeking advice, and emphasizing my desire for lesser-visited beaches. It's the Christmas holiday in Yogyakarta; undoubtedly, there will be crowds. Yet, my goal is to find serenity, hence my quest for secluded spots. It's truly enjoyable to wander around when there aren't many people. Once, during the onset of the COVID outbreak in Indonesia around early March, I traveled to a secluded spot. It was incredibly quiet, to the extent that there was a spot just for my friend, our guide, and me. It was paradise. Peace, for me, is seeking solace away from daily chaos. Isn't it exhausting to deal with traffic, crowded stations, and constantly chase after train and bus schedules every day? Embracing a slower pace in a comforting place is my idea of healing.

Let's get back to the story. After reconsidering, I didn't end up going to Yogyakarta; it's a bit disappointing. I decided to stroll around Semarang instead, spending time alone. I had work there, but I made time for solo exploration. I'd already mapped out places I wanted to visit, mainly for culinary experiences. In short, I truly fell in love with Semarang. Perhaps it's because I lived a slower life there. And the sunlight, GOD, the grace of the morning sunlight in Semarang is on a whole other level, but perhaps that's after the midnight rain tho hehe. When I returned to Jakarta, I felt like time was rushing, chasing invisible things, just as my GoCar driver once said. Indeed, time flies in Jakarta; it suddenly becomes evening, then morning again. I resonate with that feeling. I even feel like I've reached the end of 2024. You know, I've been waiting for the end of this year for two years now because it finally aligns with the New Year holiday. I'm utterly grateful, though.

● Coffeeshop

Now, onto coffee shops. Obviously, I adore coffee. It's gone beyond a liking; it's a kind of necessity, but I still love it. Skipping coffee for a day gives me a headache, and that's the truth, not a suggestion. During fasting, I struggled to decide when to have my coffee. I read that having caffeine during suhoor makes you thirsty quickly. Once, foolishly, I had an extra shot in the evening (we're dumb sometimes). Result? I couldn't sleep until 3 a.m. Haha, maybe I was overthinking or challenging myself, who knows. But after trying to have coffee after 4-5 p.m. from various coffee shops near me, I found two that don't disrupt my sleep: Starbucks and Fore. Yes, I conducted several experiments and, indeed, these two didn't affect my sleep. However, due to our current boycott of Starbucks, I've shifted to Fore. Yet, going to Fore is budget-dependent; their prices are quite high. But circling back to the 'Places you want to visit,' I'd love to explore all authentic local coffee shops in Indonesia if I had the chance. Recently, when I was in Malang, I stumbled upon a fascinating coffee shop called "Barrealloo." It was situated at the entrance of a lane, along the roadside. I accidentally found it while on my way to a meatball place. The dimming evening sunlight was captivating. I still regret not going in then because I eventually fell deeply in love with this coffee shop.

The following morning, after checking out, I went there. I recommended it to my friends who were looking for a nearby coffee shop. We were four, and as soon as we arrived, I declared my love for the place. The morning light was so natural there. The coffee shop's vintage theme echoed through its furniture, decor, walls, and almost everything. I went in and ordered the recommended drink, Butterscotch Coffee. And guess how much it cost? 18,000. Eighteen thousand!!! I asked if I could add a shot, but unfortunately, they couldn't. I also inquired about takeaway, which they also couldn't provide. I wanted to cry. Literally, I wanted to cry because I didn't bring my tumblr. Please :( I want to cry now. Okay. While waiting for my order, I took pictures of the exquisite spots. I could remember every corner of the coffee shop and hoped I wouldn't forget, praying for the chance to return, aameen. After taking numerous photos, I sat outside with my friends. The ambiance outside was fantastic, especially with the slightly cloudy weather; that day and that moment truly defined tranquility. Oh God, I really want to go back there now. Maybe we should just stay in Malang? Who are we, anyway? I don't know. Going back to my favorite coffee shop story, I wish I could visit many local coffee shops in this area, each with a unique vibe, different from Jakarta's. To me, that's what makes you miss a city, not just memories, but places that still exist there.

Ah, darn. Well, let's move on to other places, though this story could go on forever. I want to talk about three cities I hope to visit: Mecca, Kyoto, and Helsinki. I need to prepare well to write about them. But let's see ^^

Btw another couple pics from traveling around Semarang. Timeless something and the blueberry gelato (I like this one tho)

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athunbrean · 5 months

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[EN] The Legend of Zelda : Tears of the Kingdom – Review

!!Version en français disponible ici!!

[Translated from French with Deepl. May contain translation errors.]

This review contains a few mechanics and story spoilers, but does not spoil the game's ending.

1. Introduction: background, brand, console

More than six years after the previous opus, we're finally treated to the new Zelda! A long-awaited game, considering that its predecessor, Breath of the Wild, is probably one of the greatest games of all time (although it's still a little early to decide). Tears of the Kingdom was immediately announced as a direct sequel to the previous game, and from the very first trailer we noticed the blatant resemblance to Breath of the Wild. Six years may seem a long time to wait for a game that uses the same engine and virtually the same map as the previous opus, but there are two main reasons for this long wait:

- The 2020 Covid crisis. Probably the main reason that slowed down many projects, including this one.

- The last year of development. According to Eiji Aonuma, the game was almost ready in March 2022, but with its complex physics and customization (more on that later), it clearly needed time to work out all the bugs that this kind of mechanics creates.

I won't dwell on all the similarities between TOTK and BOTW - I'll mention them here - but the rest of the text will dwell much more on the differences and what this game brings to the table compared to its predecessor. But it's clear that the similarities between the two games may put some people off, myself included. The entire BOTW map has been reworked here, with a few changes, but clearly not enough to renew the feeling of immense discovery that BOTW gave us. The actions are also very similar, as is the way the inventory works. In short, this is a game that takes up almost everything BOTW had to offer in terms of its world and principles, while changing a few things about the world itself, and modifying some of its gameplay. If this aspect may seem off-putting at first, especially when we return to the main map after the "tutorial", it gradually dissipates as we clearly understand that TOTK has its own qualities which are not the same as those of BOTW. Where BOTW shone for its discovery and exploration, TOTK shines above all for its mechanics, creativity and gameplay. Perhaps someone introducing themselves to the license by starting with TOTK would have all these qualities at once? To be explored...

2. Story and Lore

A new game means a new story. First of all, a few personal disclaimers before we get started:

(1) I know very little about the Zelda timeline, because I've always found it very artificial, and above all I think games are great when they stand on their own. In short, I think one of the great things about Zelda is that you can start one at random without having played the previous ones.

(2) I've never really liked Zelda games for their story, which is rarely very deep in itself. I loved Breath of the Wild, and yet the story is far from having impressed me. But Zelda, like Mario, is a fine example of how a game can be good even if its story is insignificant.

To sum up, the game takes place after Breath of the Wild, where, after exploring the castle's basement, Ganondorf starts attacking us and Zelda finds herself teleported to the past, where she meets Hyrule's founder, Rauru, and other Zonai (her species). Throughout the game, Link will have to find out what happened to Zelda and defeat Ganondorf.

As we all know: Time travel often makes for very tricky scenarios. But quite frankly, it's well executed in this game, because time travel isn't something "easy" for the characters to do. However, there's a catch: the fact that Zelda has gone back in time can be known very early on by the player, as the cinematics leave no doubt about it. Except that the game's entire scenario is based on the fact that the characters don't know what happened to Zelda (in particular, the main quest that justifies our going to the four regions is that we're investigating Zelda's disappearance). This leads to many absurd situations where the characters have no idea where the princess has gone, even though we know for a fact that Link has figured out what happened to her, as if he knew from the start but was hiding it from the other characters. This kind of twist doesn't work in such a non-linear game, as it leads to passages that cryptically show information that has already been given to us in a literal way, often giving the impression of playing the game out of order (which is the last straw for an open-world game).

And where BOTW succeeded in not repeating itself too much according to the regions, regardless of the order, TOTK, on the other hand, has a more important and complex story, it can't afford to, and so many cinematics feel very repetitive as you have to understand everything regardless of the order in which the game is made. The most blatant are the end-of-temple cinematics, which are all the same, sometimes to the word, making you want to skip them after the second time around.

The other problem with the story, which is more personal, is that it's often hard to get attached to the characters. This was already a problem in BOTW, but I think it's even more of a problem in this game: we get much more attached to characters from the past, whom Link doesn't know, than to characters from the present, who aren't really present at all. Even the sages we meet in the four regions are nice, but nothing more. This is even more true of the sages of the past. We easily become attached to Zelda and Rauru's family, but the sages of the various peoples seem very cold to us, not least because we don't even see their faces.

3. Gameplay : Powers

As I said earlier, this is the game's strong point. Very different from BOTW, which had powers that weren't very important, here they're essential to enjoy the game, even if it doesn't always encourage you to use them.

The sandbox aspect is the one that has received the most critical acclaim. TOTK's new powers include two that really encourage creativity: Fuse and, above all, Ultrahand.

- Ultrahand: This power lets you mix objects and mechanisms together to build all kinds of vehicles and tools. This is the most revolutionary aspect of the game, and what makes each game unique. Each player creates his or her own vehicles, which are often jaw-breaking at first, but get better and better the more they master this tool with its infinite possibilities. And, as ever, there are engineers at heart who will build incredible vehicles. It's a really enjoyable aspect of the game, and one that allows us to make our lives easier, or not, to our liking. Nevertheless, its main quality is also its main flaw: The game rarely encourages us to use this mechanic. This is a good thing, because the customization of our experience is total, and those who don't feel they have the soul of a builder can easily play the game without using it much, but it's a flaw, because the game doesn't encourage us at all to exploit our creativity in our constructions, for example through puzzles or the like. This sometimes gives the impression that we're making things more complicated for ourselves than anything else.

- Fuse: This mechanic allows you to mix all kinds of tools with different types of objects. For example, mix a sword with a monster's horn to make it more powerful, a brick-breaker with a rock to make it easier to destroy deposits and harvest ores, or mix arrows with all kinds of elements to modify their specificities. While the latter is very satisfying to use, as it allows for all kinds of arrow types (fire arrows, explosive arrows, tracking arrows, etc.) and is, in my opinion, much more enjoyable to use than buying arrows of each type, the rest is fun at first, but quickly becomes boring. You get the impression that you can mix your tools with anything, especially with mechanisms, but not only does the game rarely encourage you to do so, but you also come to understand that, for example, with swords, it's the monster horns that do the most damage, and so with each new weapon you throw one away to mix it with, which quickly becomes repetitive. It's a mechanic with potential, but one that's not exploited intelligently enough in the end.

Among the "main powers", we have two others that are more anecdotal:

- Ascend: This is a movement power that allows you to pass through any ceiling that's low enough. The introduction of this power makes perfect sense in a world where caves abound, and where having to go back and forth to each cave would quickly become tedious. Here, we can simply cross the ceiling to get out. Not only is this quite satisfying, but it also allows us to spice up our strategies a little, especially when it comes to attacking monster camps. But like the other powers, this one has a lot of potential, but isn't exploited nearly enough by the game! We could drool over the idea of making temples with puzzles that require us to go from room to room using this power, but it's hardly the case. What's more, this power can be a real pain to use, as it's often capricious, from the fact that it's often tedious to position yourself correctly so that the game accepts that we can cross the ceiling, to the simple fact that activating this power automatically directs the camera upwards.

- Recall: Like the others, this power has a lot of potential, especially in terms of the puzzles it can be used to solve. But since it's a pretty cracked power, you have to be careful not to break the game with it. We'll talk about the shrines and temples later, but this power breaks most of the game's puzzles. At times, you even wonder whether the game intended this power to be available at all. But on top of that, once again, this power isn't used enough. It may come in handy in some cases, but it's possible to complete almost the entire game without using it.

We also have some new sage powers which are clearly less important, but which are worth mentioning nonetheless:

- Tulin's Power: A power that allows us to make a horizontal gust of wind when we're in a paravane, giving us a boost. This is clearly the most practical sage power, mainly because it's the only moving sage power, but also because it's much easier to use than the others, since all you have to do is be in paravane and press "A" at any time, whereas with the others you have to either wait for the sage to approach you, or move towards the sage in question. What's more, you'll need this power pretty quickly to travel from island to island in the sky. The only drawback is that the button for activating the sage's power is the same as the one for picking up objects, so we regularly find ourselves in the situation where we're pushing with the wind what we intended to pick up, which can be quite annoying at times.

- Yunobo's Power: A power that allows us to roll Yunobo (a Goron) and propel him towards an area to demolish everything. It's quite fun to use when you're in a vehicle, as it automatically moves in front of you and when you press the button to activate it, it propels you forward, but apart from that this ability is rarely used, as it's neither practical nor useful. Like many of the game's mechanics, this one clearly doesn't encourage its use. The only time you'd be tempted to use it would be to shatter cave walls or ore deposits, but in the first case it takes a long time to recharge, as most cave walls have a large number of layers, and in the second case it shatters ores all over the place. What's more, the character is quite imposing, so it's quite complicated to get him in the right place to use it.

- Sidon's Power: A power that lets you create a shield of water to protect yourself, and launch a small "water blade" when you attack. This is probably the least useful of the five sage powers, because beyond the pollution phase, it's never encouraged to be used, and above all, it's not at all practical. The shield idea would be useful in combat, but it's precisely in combat that this power is the most complicated to activate, as you have to manage to go to Sidon and order him to put up the shield at the same time as fighting.

- Riju's Power: A power that allows us to send a bolt of lightning to the place where a bow arrow lands, provided the power is activated beforehand and the place in question is in the zone where the power is activated. It's a very satisfying power to use when the game wants you to, though sometimes a little tedious as the power's area of application grows very slowly, but then again, this power is almost never used beyond that, and the game never encourages you to use it.

- Mineru's Power: A power that allows us to control a Golem and assign weapons, or any other object, to its hands. The most complete power of the five, it's quite original and fun to use, but you soon realize that it's far more disabling to use it than not, so you never use it.

4. Level Design: The World and its special features

I'm going to compare it to BOTW again, but that's where the comparison is most important. In practical terms, it's the same world, the same map. Obviously, there are a few changes (shrines that change location, villages that change climate, etc.), but overall it's the same map. As a result, exploration almost takes a back seat in this game, which is a shame given that it was the great strength of the previous opus.

Tears of the Kingdom does, however, set itself apart with a few additions to the map:

- The Sky. Now there are floating islands above the entire Kingdom of Hyrule. This is what the trailers dwelt on the most, and what made fans drool the most, so that in the end it represents a maximum of 1/3 of the game... The largest island is the one in the tutorial, and it's undoubtedly the best. Except that, after a refreshing 4/5 hours, you're propelled onto the mainland and realize that all the other islands are much smaller. It's easy to enjoy exploring some of the islands, which have a number of great ideas, but the disappointment comes when you realize that the types of islands are repeated... I'm thinking in particular of the islands where you have to bring a green stone to activate a sanctuary, always with a kind of bumper in one place that you have to turn with a lever, and which is repeated I don't know how many times. In short, it's all the same, with a lot of potential but disappointing execution...

- The Underground. Unlike the sky, this part of the map (which is the same size as the surface) wasn't teased at all before the game's release. In fact, when you discover them, it creates a "wow" feeling. And in the end, although I like the ambience of these dark subterraneans and the similarities with the surface are a bit funny, there's not much memorable about them. Especially as the game doesn't encourage us to explore this place at all because there's not much to see, lots of Yigas camps that are almost all the same and give us vehicle schematics we'll probably never use. In the end, we're much more inclined to go in straight lines, as the main reason for going there is to find outfits that are marked on the map thanks to treasure maps found in chests on the floating islands. Again and again: an idea with a lot of potential, but a rather disappointing execution.

- Caves: Something a little refreshing at first, but quickly becomes repetitive and rather pointless to do. In each cave we have to kill an Elusis to loot a crystal, but the reward given by these crystals is really useless, so it feels like we're doing all these caves for nothing. Fewer caves and more variations of them wouldn't have hurt.

- Wells: Really useless, except in very rare cases (like the well in Zelda's house).

The game also introduces 5 new temples. While the games leading up to these temples are quite fun to play, albeit often a little too easy (special mention should be made of the flying boat game before the wind temple, which is a joy to play), the temples themselves don't offer much in the way of interest. For some, it's simply a matter of getting from point A to point B without much more (for example, the Temple of Water), while others have a few nice ideas but rely solely on this idea and are above all too easy to break, notably because we can climb the walls and also through the power of Recall, which can break many puzzles, already few in number. I'm thinking in particular of the Temple of Fire, which has a principle that's not so stupid in itself, but in addition to being simple, you can climb the walls, which breaks the entire temple. I'd still like to mention the Temple of Lightning, which is undoubtedly the best, probably because it's the most enclosed and the one with the most puzzles.

As far as the shrines are concerned, I know that many have appreciated the fact that they can be solved in several different ways, but I think that this has completely ruined the principle of the shrines. With Ultrahand and especially Recall, which break at least 1/3 of shrine puzzles, there's no room for puzzles and reflection. What's more, many shrines are blessings, i.e. shrines that have no riddles or anything to finish them. It's understandable when the path to get there is tedious, but having this type of shrine practically every time it's in a cave, is really tedious and takes away all desire to do the shrines themselves. Because, if you liked the shrines in BOTW, it wasn't just because you could teleport there and get presents, but above all because they were puzzle-oriented, which was a change from the rest of the game, which was exploration-oriented. But it's not all doom and gloom either. There are, of course, a few sanctuaries that stand out from the crowd and are fun to play.

Finally, a new world and new characters mean new quests! As far as the main quests are concerned, we're on the same lines as BOTW: you have to travel to 4 regions, the same as BOTW, and complete a quest each time. So there's nothing new about the main quests, only that unlike BOTW, where they are activated automatically, here they can be skipped if you're too thirsty to explore right away, which can be annoying as it would prevent you from being able to activate the towers (which are used to display the map) and prevent you from having the paravane (even more essential than in BOTW). As for the side quests, they are even more repetitive and, above all, unchallenging. A lot of "go get 10 mushrooms" quests, which quickly become irritating. There are, however, a few side quests that stand out from the crowd, such as the woodland gazetteer at each relay, which makes the relays more interesting, and which are often quite fun to do, and the gift that comes with these quests is well worth the effort.

5. Music and graphics

In terms of graphics, we're sticking with something quite similar to its predecessor, which still proves that a game can be very pretty without being 4k (although the grass sometimes reminds us of a certain Pokémon game whose name we won't mention). But this has been boosted even further. The floating islands are particularly pretty, although they all have absolutely the same graphics, which is a shame... The downside is that the Switch being what it is, there are frequent FPS losses (a problem that had more or less been avoided in BOTW, apart from in the Korogu forest).

As for the music, and the soundscape in general, we're staying right in line with what BOTW had to offer: we prefer to create atmosphere rather than leave the music on all the time. This sometimes gives the impression that the music is non-existent or unmemorable, yet you only have to skim through the OST after playing the game to realize that these tunes have clearly stuck in your head, and will do so for a long time to come. An ambitious choice, but still as effective as the previous opus, although I understand the frustration of not having such memorable melodies as previous Zelda releases have left.

6. Conclusion

I've been pretty hard on this game, and yet I'm giving it a score of 3.5/5, which is in itself a very good mark. It's still a game with a lot of great things to do, where everything beckons, and where finishing even the smallest quest requires enormous concentration because you want to do everything at once. It's a game where the hours just fly by. But most of TOTK's charm and quality are already present in BOTW, which set the bar very high. On the whole, I find this game very hard to innovate and remains in the easy suite, which was a disappointment for me. I would sincerely have preferred to wait longer for a game that kept the same formula, but with a lot more new features. Even so, I'm not at the point of thinking that this game is just "€60 DLC for BOTW". You don't need to know much about video games and code to think that, as TOTK is so technically advanced. This is a BOTW where all the cursors are turned up, the qualities are accentuated but so are the flaws, and it completely fails to be a revolution like its predecessor was. This is not to say that it's a bad game; it's a great pleasure to play, even more so if you're not familiar with BOTW. But expectations were probably too high for me, as I'd been completely blown away by Breath of the Wild. Above all, it's a game with a lot of things that have immense potential but are often executed in a very clumsy way. We hope that Nintendo will be able to renew this license and surprise us once again with ambitious, even revolutionary games.

#totk #tears of the kingdom #review #games #video games

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thecpdiary · 5 months

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Covid-19: An Ethical, Social and Moral Issue

The Covid public inquiry is exposing deep flaws in what was Covid decision making.

"With each passing week of the Covid inquiry, it is clear there were deep flaws in the way decisions were made and information provided during the pandemic. And it was both politicians and scientists making mistakes. This much was clear from the evidence given by four of the government's top Covid scientists this week." - (Source: bbc.co.uk)

There are still several concerns regarding the UK government's handling of the COVID-19 pandemic, the new mutations of the virus, and the efficacy and safety of the vaccine. Since the start of the pandemic there have been and continue to be mixed messages about the vaccine, as well as the potential side effects for some individuals. The pandemic has been mismanaged, leaving many unanswered questions and lacking support for those who are disabled or immunocompromised. Since the roadmap and the rules were lifted, the vulnerable and high risk are even more exposed to Covid-19.

The lack of clarity

While some people have moved on with their lives, others are still impacted by the virus with no mitigations in place. This is an accurate summary of many people's concerns. There is a lack of support for individuals with disabilities across the disability spectrum, as well as the potential risks and side effects associated with the vaccine that haven't been smoothed out.

We know the virus isn't over

The UK government's messaging regarding the pandemic and the virus being "over" is misleading and has lead to complacency among the general public. The mixed messages from the UK government has become misleading leading to a false sense of security, causing people to become complacent about the virus. This could in the longer term lead to serious consequences, especially for those who are immunocompromised or who have underlying health conditions.

There should be support and resources

More attention needs to be given to addressing these concerns and providing clear and accurate information to the public. Additionally, there should be support and resources available for individuals who may have experienced adverse effects from the vaccine or who have ongoing health issues related to COVID-19.

Governments still need to provide clear and consistent messaging

It is crucial for all governments to continue to provide clear and consistent messaging to the public regarding the virus since we still have it. The UK Government are ignoring the fact there are new mutations. The message to the public is clear, 'Covid is over' you don't have to worry about it. The Covid is over idea can continue to threaten reinfection. (Source: https://www.theguardian.com)

The Vaccine

Concern should go deeper, because Covid is buried, it's not dead. Perfectly healthy individuals with no pre-existing conditions have ended up with chronic illness as a result of taking the vaccine; with no pre-existing conditions, people have died from taking the vaccine, and for others the vaccine didn't work sufficiently to prevent chronic illness. The current vaccine isn't like the flu vaccine, where you are assured of protection. It also doesn't target well enough and it's not effective enough to protect or accommodate new variants, which we are seeing now.

I am not anti-vaccine I am not anti-vaccine. As a child, I had all my vaccines, including the the MMR vaccine, TB Jab, tetanus, smallpox and the polio vaccine. All those vaccines had gone through years of rigorous testing before they were unleashed on the public. My children have had their vaccines. Many of us aren't against vaccines, for many it was a moral decision on the lack of facts around a quick rollout. Many just want to be reassured. But with a 10-month roll out there were many concerns on the vaccine's efficacy and safety and how we would fare with a vaccine relatively unknown, and a roll out that was too quick.

Vaccines usually take around 5 to 7 years to produce

Vaccines take usually take around 5 to 7 years to produce, to be put through its paces on safety. Covid has been mismanaged and it's left people with a lot of unanswered questions. I think we can all agree, we just wanted a vaccine that was fit for purpose, one that protected us from further reinfection, and one that had been through adequate testing to prove its safety and efficacy. We didn't get that.

There is no redress In the meantime, there is no redress by Governments, who have failed to protect the people they serve. Many families have lost loved ones to the virus. In the meantime Covid is considered over, people are back in their lives, and the world still has the virus. In four years, there are still people like me who can't get back into their lives because of lifting restrictions. How is this right?

For more inspirational, lifestyle blogs, please check out my site https://www.thecpdiary.com

#thecpdiary #blog #covid19 #ethical #social #moral #issues

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