I wasn’t going to do it. She had a boyfriend, damn it. But in that moment I couldn’t think of anything else except how gorgeous she was and how I had failed to see that before. So I went for it, throwing all coherent thoughts into the pool and doing just what I had wanted to do on the night of the party.
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You Matter to Me
A fanfic where you have a panic attack because for some reason when I write fluff someone has to cry.
TW⚠️ panic attack and body dysphoria
The longer Peter was on tour the more self conscious you grew. You trusted he wouldn't cheat. Yet when you saw photos and news coverage of the crowds at their concerts you couldn't help but feel that Peter could choose anyone else and they are so much prettier. There was only a week left of his tour but you couldn't help but feel like he'd just leave when he got back. That's how it always felt. He'd get home and then he'd leave to go on another tour.
Finally Peter returned home. He barely let go of you. You were cuddled up on the couch when more news coverage of their last concert came on. It panned across the crowd and it was full of beautiful people. You tried to hold back your tears but you couldn't. You looked nothing like the people in the crowd. You felt like Peter would have been happier with any of the people in that crowd than he would be with you. So you cried, the tears only flowing faster the more you thought about it.
"What is wrong Kitty?" Peter asked, trying to get you to look towards him. You couldn't, you just collapsed into a ball onto the couch.
"What is it Kitty? I want to help you." Peter pleaded. You tried to breathe but the darker your thoughts got the more it felt like the air was thinning.
You felt Peter get up off the couch and turn the Tv off. He then scooped you up and placed you on your bed. He pulled you into his arms. Peter started to reassure you.
"I love you"
"It's going to be ok"
"Just take some deep breaths"
"Your important to me and I want to know what's wrong"
"I'm here and I'm not leaving"
Your crying slowed and the air stopped thinning and returned to normal.
"I'm sorry." you muttered.
"There is no reason to be sorry," Peter reassured you "I just want to know what is making you upset."
"You would be so much happier with one of your fans, they are all so much prettier than I am" you said as tears begin to try and spill again.
"I am the happiest with you," Peter said, wiping a few stray tears off your face. "I wouldn't want to be with anyone other than you. Tears were still threatening to spill but you started realizing that Peter wasn't going to leave you.
"I wouldn't want anyone else." Peter pulled you closer. You both laid there for the rest of the night. The realization that he truly loved you and was never going to leave you sat in the longer you laid there.
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I feel like it was easier to write for Black Butler (back when I was still actively writing it) as opposed to Twisted Wonderland.
Sure, it takes place in the late 18th century and there's a bunch I don't know about the time period such as etiquette, dressing, cuisine, history, politics, etc. but I think that was the beauty of it. Both the anime and manga were nonsensical in their own right, like the ice sculpture or curry contest episode. I know those ones get bad rep for being so out-there, but I think it was important to younger watchers and aspiring fanfic writers to see that the show and canon is not afraid to get silly and outlandish.
Write modern bathrooms, add proper plumbing and modern-day appliances, it really doesn't matter! Because in a world where chainsaws are wielded by badass genderqueer grim reapers, I don't think being entirely historically accurate matters too much. Not to say it doesn't matter, no, no, no. I always enjoy writing as close to canon as possible, that's how I indulge in fandom spaces. But with Black Butler, it's a bit difficult to know what exists and what doesn't, since it has such a blend of accuracy and a modern-spin.
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I may have put the fan next to the bowl of shit and turned it on.
I need to keep my big trap shut reaason #5476645873568
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