#in such a nuanced game like houses. it's sad that one of the only female villains just couldn't be written AS a legit villain
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Dead Island: Definitive Edition (PS4)
Developed/Published by: Techland / Deep Silver
Released: 31/05/2016
Completed: 10/11/2023
Completion: Finished It.
Trophies / Achievements: 41%
After playing through Until Dawn and Dead Space I wanted to keep the Halloween theme going, and so, somewhat randomly (cough saw it was installed cough) chose to play this, and didn’t actually realize until I sat down that I went from Dead Space to Dead Island like I’m about to play a Dead Rising next or something (I’m not.)
This was a daft choice for the Halloween theme; When I think Halloween I think ghosts, witches, Draculas and that, probably in a spooky house, maybe doing the monster mash. Zombies on a tropical island? It just feels… unseasonal.
Of course, and to this game’s detriment, you only really enjoy the island resort vibes for really a couple of hours of this game, before you’re shunted into a pretty generic town with (boo!) lengthy sewers. (I suppose you do go to a jungle after that for a bit.) It’s all a bit emblematic of the game, which has a fairly enjoyable loot shooter-adjacent design (you don’t do a lot of shooting, mostly hitting zombies in the head with blunt objects) but seems to suffer unforced errors all over the shop, some of which are, at best, very problematic???
I’ll start with that, actually. Developed by Techland, a Polish company, the game has incredible “I’ve never met a Black person” energy. I played through it as the rapper Sam B and he’s an absolutely brutal stereotype that makes Barrett in Final Fantasy VII look like a nuanced portrayal. It gets worse, however, as once you get to the jungle you start to deal with the local indigenous population, who are portrayed… just imagine all the stereotypes. Yeah, all of ‘em.
The narrative, overall, is a pretty unpleasant mess, with the male characters hideously unsympathetic (some really dark stuff is implied to have happened to one of the female characters, and the male characters’ response is actively hateful.) It makes the game literally impossible to recommend, and being originally developed in 2011 doesn’t feel like much of an excuse.
(Interestingly, the developers of Dead Island 2 worked with a diversity council to try and avoid these kind of problems, which would make me think “good on Techland” but Dead Island 2 was developed by entirely different developers and went through development hell for eight years. So that’s, uh, that.)
It’s all so… unnecessary, as well. As a loot shooter-like (is that a genre?) it’s not exactly like you’re there for any sort of story other than “survive” with most of the pleasure in getting bigger and better blunt objects to hit zombies in the head with. Even here, taken alone, it’s a bit hard to recommend. Combat is clumsy (I never felt satisfied in my understanding of either my or enemy attack distances) the loot is often insanely underwhelming, and the upgrade trees are a mess (there’s an entire tree for your “fury” power that I doubt any player of this game ever upgrades ever.) It almost feels like a shame losing interest in this before you’re halfway done (before the story starts getting really stupid) because the first hours are oddly well paced; the introduce human enemies with guns what felt like right at the point where you’d be getting bored with just hitting zombies, and it’s sad that it’s not long after that you find yourself stuck in boring, samey sewers for what feels like forever, and then you’re just stuck chewing through this until you finish it by defeating a hilariously underwhelming final boss.
Anyway. I played this so you don’t have to.
Will I ever play it again? I think the concept is strong, actually, zombie loot shooter-like, so part of me is like “Maybe Dead Island 2 is ok? I mean… different team! Diversity council!” but this was just so underwhelming I’m sure if I want a loot shooter-like I can do better somewhere else. And I’m definitely not interested in Techland’s own follow up, Dying Light.
Final Thought: Oh hang on, I just noticed I own Call of Juarez: Gunslinger, and that’s a Techland joint. But I own it, so I’ll have to play it. A game set in the old west? That can’t be problematic at all! I’m sure it’ll be fine!
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#gaming#video games#games#txt#text#review#ps4#dead island#dead island: definitive edition#techland#deep silver#2016
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Spring 2021 anime overview: Quick Takes
Now for my Spring 2021 anime thoughts! I’ve decided from now on if a season’s like, 20- to-24 episodes I’m just going to wait ‘til it’s done to review it unless I feels super passionately, so though I watched To Your Eternity (it’s good!) and MHA (eh), I’ll comment on them next time. Also, for the record, I watched the first eight eps of Joran: Princess and Snow of Blood but I dropped it because it had clearly crossed the line from entertainingly dumb to boring dumb.
I will probably give Supercub and some other stuff a shot later, this was a stacked season! May give updates on all that later, but this is what I have for now.
ODDTAXI
Quick Summary: A mild mannered middle-aged walrus taxi driver is drawn into a case involving a missing girl, yakuza, Youtube clout-chasers, manzai comedians and idols with big secrets.
It’s rare to walk away from media and be like “that is a singular experience I will definitely never see repeated again” but ODDTAXI is definitely one of those. A tense noir thriller murder mystery starring cartoon animals that spends an entire episode detailing the one (cat)man’s very fall into darkness triggered by addiction to gacha games and an online auction for a novelty eraser? Also there’s a porcupine Yakuza who speaks entirely in rap? Also there’s tons of meandering conversations about stuff like manzai comedy and the struggle to go viral on Twitter?
Admittedly, I had a hard time getting into the first episode, the dry meandering humor not being enough to hold my attention while I was sitting still, but once I watched this while I was working out at the end of the season, I found it an easy binge. A ton of characters with dark secrets or dangerous ambitions, each with their own part to play in a tableau of intersecting events- and it all actually comes together really well.(As for the female characters, it’s a pretty dude driven story, but they do get nuanced characterization and even some good heroic moments from one of them.)
It’s a great example of a carefully planned narrative paying off, with all the twists appropriately seeded and foreshadowed to reward viewers who paid attention. Even when it ended on a perfect “OH SHIT” moment and denied me closure, I couldn’t help but respect it. If you that all sounds interesting to you, definitely check out the first couple episodes and see if you like it- you’re likely to have a memorable, satisfying experience!
Shadows House
Quick Summary: Emilyko is a ‘living doll’ who’s told she was created to act as the ‘face’ of her shadow master, Kate. The shadows and their ‘dolls’ all reside on the mansion and are required to pass a ‘debut’ to prove they’re a good pairing. If they don’t pass, they might be disposed of. And so the mystery of the Shadow mansion grows...
This slice of gothic intrigue was my favorite of the season, tied with ODDTAXI. With an interesting premise, slightly tense undertones and a strong focus on character building and relationships, it kept me hooked the whole way through. And for any squeamish fans put off by the hype about it, don’t worry, while there are some suspenseful elements, I wouldn’t qualify it as horror. I thought the relationship between Kate and Emilyko might end up being a completely sinister one, but it’s thankfully a lot more complex than that and it’s really interesting to follow how both their characters and relationship grow. The focus of the show is, unsurprisingly, on the “dolls” slowly discovering their autonomy and personhood as they struggle under the rigid system imposed on them by the mysterious elders of this weird Victorian mansion. Can they develop a more equitable relationship with their shadow “masters” (who are also shown to suffer under this system)? There’s a lot to dig into there, and the show has the characters develop through learning to understand and appreciate each other, which is pretty heartwarming. Our hero, Emilyko, is the typical plucky ball of sunshine (they even nickname her sunshine), but she’s also shown to be clever in her own off-the-wall way and she bounces off the far more subdued and cynical Kate well, not to mention the other ‘dolls’ she ends up befriending.
What’s more, the show spends plenty of time to developing several other character pairings and combinations, and they all have their own interesting dynamic that makes you want to see more of them. Same-gender bonds are at the forefront of this show, and many of them are ripe for queer readings (I definitely appreciated the healthy helping of ladies carrying ladies), but even outside that it’s nice to see a show where a strong, complex bond between girls is at the forefront. My only real complaints about the show are the anime original ending is noticeably a bit rushed (though it’s not too bad, and leaves room for a season 2) and I wish the animation used the whole “shadow” theme more strikingly (like the opening and endings do)- instead the colors are a bit washed out which makes the shadows blend into the background sometimes. The “debut” arc also drags a bit in places, but it makes up for it by having a lot of good character integration.
I hope to check out the (full color)! manga soon and see more of this quirky, shadowy story. There’s some physical abuse depicted, sad things happening to characters and naturally the whole “oppressive familial system” thing, but otherwise not much I can think of to warn about. I give this one a big rec, especially If you’re a fan of gothic fairytales and stories of self discovery.
Zombie Land Saga Revenge
Quickest summary: In this sequel season, everyone’s favorite zombie idol group must claw their way back into prominence after a disastrous show- the fate of the Saga prefecture LITERALLY depends on it!
This was a fun follow-up to the first season- if you liked the first zombie-girl romp, you’ll probably enjoy this one. In fact, there were a couple areas it improved on- namely, Kotaro failed, ate crow and embarrassed himself a lot more this season, which made him more likeable (as did the fact the girls gained a lot of independence from him). This season also shed more light on what the ‘goal’ of this zombie raising project is and what kind of shit Kotaro got involved with to make this happen, and it’s appropriately off-the-wall and ridiculous. We finally got some backstory for Yugiri too! I wish it had focused on more of her interiority, but she got to be a badass in it, and it was a treat to see this zombie idol show turn into a period piece for a couple episodes (also her song ruled).
Tae also got a cute focus episode and there was a particular SMASHING performance early on! Also That revelation last season that had the potential to turn creepy hasn’t yet, and hopefully never will. The finale was heartwarming with big hints of more drama to come- I’m definitely down for more zombie hijinks!
Vivy: Flourite Eye’s Song
Quickest Summary: A songstress AI named DIVA (nicknamed Vivy) is approached by another AI named Matsumoto, who says he’s from the future and they must work together to prevent AI exterminating all of humankind 100 years from now.
This show is absolutely gorgeous visually with some really nice action scenes, but when it comes to the story my feelings basically amount to a shrug. It’s fine! I guess! Vivy starts out as an interesting layered character- and I guess still is by the end- with her stoic but stubborn determination bouncing off her fast-talking bossy partner Matsumoto well. She never listens to him, which is delightful. The way the show took place over the course of 100 years was an interesting conceit as well. However, it bought up a lot of themes and then sort of... dropped them. For instance, Vivy interprets her mission (PRIME DIRECTIVE if you will) as protecting humans at all costs, no matter how destructive said humans are or what their fate is supposed to be, and is perfectly willing to murder her fellow androids to do this, showing she inherently thinks of androids (herself and her own people!) as less worthy. Which is a little alarming! There’s a very dramatic point in the show where they bring this up as a potential conflict for her character but then it’s sort of...dropped. Pretty much.
Actually, despite the premise, the show doesn’t dip into the “AI rights” as much as you think it would with the main theme being more about Vivy’s search to find her own creativity and discover what it means to ‘pour your heart into something’. Vivy herself doesn’t actually care if she has rights or anything. Which is in some ways fine, because ‘AI as an oppressed class’ has been done to death, but IT’S ALSO KIND OF IN THE PREMISE, so that means that the show just shrugs really hard at a lot of the questions it brings up basically just going “humans and AI should work together probably” and that’s it. There’s a lot that feels underexplored. The antagonists in the show also either have motivations that don’t really make sense or have boring hackneyed motivations. In the finale in particular, it feels like a lot of things happen “just because” and it falls a little flat.
I also have to warn that one of the arcs focus on a robot ‘pairing’ where the dude-coded robots actions toward his partner are straight up awful and rob her of her autonomy, but it’s played like a tragic love story. I suppose you could read it differently too, but it definitely made me go ‘ew’ the story seemed to want me to sympathize with this robo dude,
Overall, I wouldn’t anti-recommend this show, it’s an all right little sci-fic romp (and definitely SUPER pretty). My favorite element was definitely the episodes where Vivy develops an entirely new (an loveable) personality, because it played with the idea of of an AI getting “rebooted” really well and interplay between her two “selves” was done really well. But there are a lot of other parts of the show that just feel...a little underexplored and empty, making me have an ‘eh’ feeling on the show overall. It’s definitely an ambitious project, and while it didn’t quite stick the landing, there’s something to be said for a show that shoots for the stars and falls short over a show that just languishes in mediocrity.
Fruits Basket The Final
Quick summary: The final season of that dramatic drama about that weird family with a zodiac curse and the girl who loves them.
It’s very weird that after not cutting a lot out, they kinda sped through some material for, you know, the finale. I guess they thought they couldn’t stretch this final arc to 26 episodes? Or weren’t cleared for another double cour? However, though there were a couple places that felt awkward, despite being a bit condensed it mostly held together pretty well for a D R A M A T I C and ultimately heartwarming conclusion. I was really disappointed they kept the part where Ritsu cut their hair for the ‘happy ending’, I thought their intro episode not showing them in men’s clothes meant the anime had decided their presentation didn’t need to be “fixed” but WELL I GUESS NOT. That was the only big upset for me though, otherwise the adaptation went about how I expected, sticking to the source material. Furuba has a lot of bumps, from weird age gap stuff to ...gender, but it also has a lot of important feels and great character arcs. It was a gateway shoujo for many and has its important place in animanga history, so I’m glad it finally got a shiny, full adaptation.
#anime overview#spring 2021 anime#shadows house#oddtaxi#zombie land saga#fruits basket#vivy: fluorite eye's song#zombie land saga revenge#fruits basket the final#anime#my reviews#long post
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Jamie Johnson 5x10 Review
Tonight was a surprisingly busy ep that did a good job balancing angst and levity. Let’s dig in!
Dillon finally went home tonight after what was probably a couple of weeks. The show continues to do great work with Dillon’s sexuality. Graham begins to make amends by coming of his own accord to the Walker-Cotton house and apologizing to Dillon but he hasn’t magically become a good person. He wants Dillon to keep his sexuality a secret which Dillon pushes back against but as loathsome as Graham can be he does have a point that being openly gay could very well derail Dillon’s football career; after all it’s the same conclusion that all the gay professional players in Britain have reached. This whole story line has been surprisingly nuanced especially for a kids show. Shaun Duggan mentioned that Graham would have a journey of his own and I would assume we see more of it in the final eps
One thing I do think the show has failed to do is include Dillon’s mom. Presumably they don’t have the actress this season but we really needed to see her support Dillon on screen when his dad and brother are homophobes. Hopefully they bring her back in S6 (and bring back Elliot)
It’s a minor detail but I really liked that when Alba comes into the living room to share her news that through the window we can see Graham walking towards the front door; it shows a real attention to detail on the part of the production team. Also the ‘’We Are Family’’ poster with the rainbow on the kitchen wall while Dillon and Graham talked was an inspired touch
The small moment when Dillon asked Becky and Dawn what he should do was really cool; seeing adult lgbtq people give advice to kids dealing with their sexualities is rare on tv in general, on kids tv it’s virtually unheard of; Cami and her gf trying to help Bobby on Doafp being the only example that comes to mind. The show did a great job normalizing lgbtq parents and families and there was an excellent implicit contrast drawn between the loving and supportive ‘non-traditional’ Walker-Cotton family and the cold and strained ‘traditional nuclear’ Simmonds family
I’m so glad that Ruby and Alba have finally been adopted and the photo album Becky and Dawn made was very sweet. I wonder if they stick with Osborne as their surnames or start using Walker-Cotton
Dillon being second in the credits? We love to see it folks
Zoe gets a recruitment montage for a heist soccer game so her and Kat can have one last chance to impress Geri Seddon who apparently doesn’t work very hard at her scouting job if she’s missed all these players. In the first good deed Jamie has done in weeks he calls up Jack and she gets Archfield to play against Zoe’s ragtag team. To the show’s credit Archfield pretty easily wins the day at Goodfield as they realistically should. Zoe and Kat get into Hawkstone though and Alba gets flagged as a future talent so all’s well that ends well
Zoe vaguely apologized for being an ass to Jack and she finally did the right thing with Kat and returned the pendant which which Kat promptly lost again. Zoe treating other girls as the enemy has been a core part of her story since she joined the show back in S3 and it looks like that’s behind now as her and Kat are real friends
I think Mike calling for girl power was the funniest line of the night
This Eric/Aisha/Freddie love triangle is a right mess but I’m finding myself invested regardless. Freddie and Aisha have good chemistry and their commentating was cute. Freddie not knowing Kat’s last name was funny as was Aisha’s observation about Mike’s yelling. Aisha was also right about peanut butter and honey being a delicious combo
We got a refresher on Eric’s sad backstory, brutal that he hasn’t seen his mom in 2 years. Well I’m sure that Eric’s issues with abandonment won’t come into play as Aisha and Freddie grow closer! Imagine tuning into a livestream for a football match only to hear two 13 year olds get into a pissing contest over a girl they both fancy
Also nice to see the kids be kids and go to the cinema
This show has really done a good job with diversity especially since the series isn’t set in or around London (S1 was filmed in Nottingham and recent seasons have been filmed in Wales). In particular, JJ has avoided having their two black male characters, Eric and Freddie, fall into stereotypes. As much as I can’t fathom why the show needs this love triangle, it is refreshing to see two black kids shown as the closest thing this show has to romantic leads. American kids shows have done a great job with female black characters but when it comes to black male characters things are much worse. Zay on GMW largely fell into the sassy black friend stereotype. As for Walker on Andi Mack, the less said the better about how he was romantically involved with two girls of colour only to lose out to two white boys before being written off as a shoe gifting player in a way that played into harmful stereotypes about black men being promiscuous
Another ep where Jamie basically just makes a cameo but because the show has such a wide bench it doesn’t hurt the ep at all. Boggy is basically Jamie’s housewife at this point and it’s sad as hell to watch
I think this is the first time Jack has been back where she hasn’t had a scene with Jamie. The official insta account reposted someone asking the show to make Jamie and Jack a couple, we’ll one day learn if that was straight baiting
Interesting to think about how different the show would be if Jack was still a main, would Dillon’s story be getting nearly so much focus?
Looking Ahead:
Liam thinks Aisha is Eric’s soulmate? I wouldn’t have pegged him for a romantic at heart. I love that he keeps bouncing around the friend trio trying his chances with a new member every week, at the beach he tried with Freddie and now he’s trying with Eric
It seems likely that Eric is denying that he likes Aisha because of his abandonment issues and it looks like he skirmishes with Freddie on the field. I wonder if he’ll be honest with anyone about his feelings
Boggy’s breakdown is upcoming, I really don’t think he’s Jetpac11. Looks like 5x12 is the video game tournament with the Jetpac11 reveal, I still think it’s Archie Royle, but Jethro Stevenson would be a great twist
I lean more and more towards Dillon signing with the Northport Rovers as a way to forge his own path and because he trusts our problematic fave Duncan Jones to stand firm against homophobia. It would also bring Duncan’s S5 story full circle, he was so focused on trying to bamboozle Jamie into signing for Northport that he overlooked the other very talented player he had right in front of him. It seems like Dillon’s story line is trending towards him wrestling with coming out publicly as a professional player in S6 and proving to himself, his father, and the world that an out gay man can be a professional footballer
Until next week Jamie Johnsoners
#Jamie Johnson#Dillon Simmonds#Alba Osborne#Zoe Moore#Jack Marshall#Ruby Osborne#Graham Simmonds#Eric Atlee#Freddie Seo#Jamie Johnson Reviews
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It’s been mind-boggling to watch White Fragility celebrated in recent weeks. When it surged past a Hunger Games book on bestseller lists, USA Today cheered, “American readers are more interested in combatting racism than in literary escapism.” When DiAngelo appeared on The Tonight Show, Jimmy Fallon gushed, “I know… everyone wants to talk to you right now!” White Fragility has been pitched as an uncontroversial road-map for fighting racism, at a time when after the murder of George Floyd Americans are suddenly (and appropriately) interested in doing just that. Except this isn’t a straightforward book about examining one’s own prejudices. Have the people hyping this impressively crazy book actually read it?
DiAngelo isn’t the first person to make a buck pushing tricked-up pseudo-intellectual horseshit as corporate wisdom, but she might be the first to do it selling Hitlerian race theory. White Fragility has a simple message: there is no such thing as a universal human experience, and we are defined not by our individual personalities or moral choices, but only by our racial category.
If your category is “white,” bad news: you have no identity apart from your participation in white supremacy (“Anti-blackness is foundational to our very identities… Whiteness has always been predicated on blackness”), which naturally means “a positive white identity is an impossible goal.”
DiAngelo instructs us there is nothing to be done here, except “strive to be less white.” To deny this theory, or to have the effrontery to sneak away from the tedium of DiAngelo’s lecturing – what she describes as “leaving the stress-inducing situation” – is to affirm her conception of white supremacy. This intellectual equivalent of the “ordeal by water” (if you float, you’re a witch) is orthodoxy across much of academia.
DiAngelo’s writing style is pure pain. The lexicon favored by intersectional theorists of this type is built around the same principles as Orwell’s Newspeak: it banishes ambiguity, nuance, and feeling and structures itself around sterile word pairs, like racist and antiracist, platform and deplatform, center and silence, that reduce all thinking to a series of binary choices. Ironically, Donald Trump does something similar, only with words like “AMAZING!” and “SAD!” that are simultaneously more childish and livelier.
…
It takes a special kind of ignorant for an author to choose an example that illustrates the mathematical opposite of one’s intended point, but this isn’t uncommon in White Fragility, which may be the dumbest book ever written. It makes The Art of the Deal read like Anna Karenina.
Yet these ideas are taking America by storm. The movement that calls itself “antiracism” – I think it deserves that name a lot less than “pro-lifers” deserve theirs and am amazed journalists parrot it without question – is complete in its pessimism about race relations. It sees the human being as locked into one of three categories: members of oppressed groups, allies, and white oppressors.
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This dingbat racialist cult, which has no art, music, literature, and certainly no comedy, is the vision of “progress” institutional America has chosen to endorse in the Trump era. Why? Maybe because it fits. It won’t hurt the business model of the news media, which for decades now has been monetizing division and has known how to profit from moral panics and witch hunts since before Fleet street discovered the Mod/Rocker wars.
Democratic Party leaders, pioneers of the costless gesture, have already embraced this performative race politics as a useful tool for disciplining apostates like Bernie Sanders. Bernie took off in presidential politics as a hard-charging crusader against a Wall Street-fattened political establishment, and exited four years later a self-flagellating, defeated old white man who seemed to regret not apologizing more for his third house. Clad in kente cloth scarves, the Democrats who crushed him will burn up CSPAN with homilies on privilege even as they reassure donors they’ll stay away from Medicare for All or the carried interest tax break.
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Corporate America doubtless views the current protest movement as something that can be addressed as an H.R. matter, among other things by hiring thousands of DiAngelos to institute codes for the proper mode of Black-white workplace interaction.
If you’re wondering what that might look like, here’s DiAngelo explaining how she handled the fallout from making a bad joke while she was “facilitating antiracism training” at the office of one of her clients.
When one employee responds negatively to the training, DiAngelo quips the person must have been put off by one of her Black female team members: “The white people,” she says, “were scared by Deborah’s hair.” (White priests of antiracism like DiAngelo seem universally to be more awkward and clueless around minorities than your average Trump-supporting construction worker).
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The downside, which we’re already seeing, is that organizations everywhere will embrace powerful new tools for solving professional disputes, through a never-ending purge. One of the central tenets of DiAngelo’s book (and others like it) is that racism cannot be eradicated and can only be managed through constant, “lifelong” vigilance, much like the battle with addiction. A useful theory, if your business is selling teams of high-priced toxicity-hunters to corporations as next-generation versions of efficiency experts — in the fight against this disease, companies will need the help forever and ever.
Cancelations already are happening too fast to track. In a phenomenon that will be familiar to students of Russian history, accusers are beginning to appear alongside the accused. Three years ago a popular Canadian writer named Hal Niedzviecki was denounced for expressing the opinion that “anyone, anywhere, should be encouraged to imagine other peoples, other cultures, other identities." He reportedly was forced out of the Writer’s Union of Canada for the crime of “cultural appropriation,” and denounced as a racist by many, including a poet named Gwen Benaway. The latter said Niedzviecki “doesn’t see the humanity of indigenous peoples.” Last week, Benaway herself was denounced on Twitter for failing to provide proof that she was Indigenous.
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People everywhere today are being encouraged to snitch out schoolmates, parents, and colleagues for thoughtcrime. The New York Times wrote a salutary piece about high schoolers scanning social media accounts of peers for evidence of “anti-black racism” to make public, because what can go wrong with encouraging teenagers to start submarining each other’s careers before they’ve even finished growing?
“People who go to college end up becoming racist lawyers and doctors. I don’t want people like that to keep getting jobs,” one 16 year-old said. “Someone rly started a Google doc of racists and their info for us to ruin their lives… I love twitter,” wrote a different person, adding cheery emojis.
A bizarre echo of North Korea’s “three generations of punishment” doctrine could be seen in the boycotts of Holy Land grocery, a well-known hummus maker in Minneapolis. In recent weeks it’s been abandoned by clients and seen its lease pulled because of racist tweets made by the CEO’s 14 year-old daughter eight years ago.
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Letter to Tom Hiddleston
As I posted before I saw Tom in Betrayal in London, I wrote a letter (composed on the computer then transcribed by hand on nice stationery, which caused some flare-up of my tennis elbow...) to give to him after the show. I didn’t get into the stage door line fast enough to be able to see Tom; he only went partway down the line before going back in. (I’m not sure if that was his idea or his handler’s. Charlie Cox, meanwhile, did go all the way down the line; I got his autograph on my program and a couple of photos of him, though not with him.) But some house manager/handler person was collecting letters, cards, and gifts, and when I asked skeptically whether he would actually give them to Tom, he said, “100%”. So in theory, Tom actually received this and might read it. Maybe it was dumb, or presumptuous, or outright rude, but I expressed my condolences for what the MCU did to his character. If Tom isn’t actually as depressed about it as he seems, it won’t matter -- he’ll ignore it like the rest of the nonsense fans probably write to him -- but if he is, maybe it’ll help a little to know he has allies.
Anyway, here’s what I wrote.
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Dear Mr. Hiddleston (or Tom, if I may),
I’m a philosophy postdoc at [redacted], in London for an on-campus interview for a lectureship at [redacted]… which actually isn’t until next week; I extended my trip a few days on the front end so that I could catch one of the last shows of Betrayal before the run ended. It’s more than a little silly, but I’ll admit that a large part of the reason I was hoping [redacted] would invite me for a visit no later than mid-June was so that I’d have an opportunity (or excuse) to come see you act in person.
Like many people you’ve heard from, I’m sure, I became a fan of yours through your portrayal of Loki. I was blissfully ignorant of the MCU until 2015, when a friend invited me to see Avengers: Age of Ultron. My interest was piqued when I learned that Joss Whedon wrote and directed it, since I greatly admire his work. So of course, because I wasn’t raised by wolves, I had to go back and watch all the previous MCU films in chronological order. I wasn’t really hooked until I watched Thor, but not because of the title character.
Loki’s story was deeper, more tragic, more Shakespearean than I expected from a comic book movie, even in this golden age (though perhaps not from one directed by Kenneth Branagh). It was striking that the villain (seemingly) died not as a direct result of his wicked actions, in the Wile E. Coyote-like fashion favored by Marvel and Disney movies, but by suicide, prompted by his father’s rejection. He was three-dimensional, flesh and blood, and never lost the audience’s sympathy even in his cruelest moments—like Shylock, Cassius, or Macbeth. Then, when Loki turned up again in The Avengers, more desperate and ruthless but fundamentally the same proud, wounded spirit, I was fully drawn in. (Whedon’s incisive writing certainly didn’t hurt.)
I needed to know who played Loki with such poise, charm, and pathos. After getting caught up on the MCU (including another nuanced, twisty, show-stealing appearance from Loki in The Dark World), I needed to find more of your work. I watched Unrelated, Archipelago (ouch), The Deep Blue Sea, and the Henry installments of The Hollow Crown. I went to see Coriolanus when it was shown in a local movie theater; I watched Crimson Peak, The Night Manager, and I Saw the Light when they came out.
And the amazing thing all of these performances had in common is that you disappear into each role, inhabiting each character completely. You make the most diverse characters equally believable, from the selfish frivolity, with an undercurrent of sadness, of Freddie Page or Prince Hal to the grim inflexibility of Caius Marcius to the inscrutable chameleon Jonathan Pine and, of course, the mercurial, self-destructive Loki. When you speak Shakespeare, the words flow as naturally as if you grew up in Elizabethan England, and the meaning comes across so lucidly that I feel like I did, too. I had no idea what Coriolanus was about when I went to see it (generally not recommended with Shakespeare), but I found myself as effortlessly caught up in it as if it were an episode of Game of Thrones. Nonetheless—and this is what drew me to your work in the first place—you put the same kind of thoughtfulness and conviction into the most (apparently) frivolous roles that you do into Shakespeare.
I haven’t heard anyone say this or ask you about it in interviews, maybe because they know you wouldn’t be able to say anything publicly if you agree or maybe because there are so few people who feel this way, but I want to express how sorry I am about what was done to your character, how thoughtlessly all your masterful work and dedication were thrown away—in Infinity War, yes, but even more insultingly in Thor: Ragnarok. Maybe I was just imagining it, but I sensed from your comportment during the press for Ragnarok, however gamely you talked up the humorous new tone (you are, after all, a professional), that you weren’t entirely happy with the way Loki and (to an even greater extent) Thor were “reinvented”—or, more accurately, bowdlerized, made into caricatures rather than characters: Loki was turned into an effete, hedonistic cartoon cut-out “trickster” who betrays people for shits and giggles because it’s “in his nature”—completely disregarding, or rather attempting (successfully, for most audiences) to erase, his complicated, compelling motives for his misdeeds in previous films; and Thor was turned into a compassionless, narcissistic bully (however much the movie tried to make out that Loki was the narcissist) and, to use some technical terminology, a fratty douchebro. This mean-spirited retcon, which gleefully mocked its predecessors and the people who liked them (especially with the parody of Loki’s death scene in The Dark World), was not the conclusion to the trilogy that Thor, Loki, or their fans deserved. It was not the conclusion you deserved, after the heart and soul you put into the character.
All that is to say: even if Marvel didn’t understand or appreciate what they had in your Loki, some of us do, and we are grateful for the dignity and compassion with which you incarnated a character who suffered from emotional abuse, social ostracism, and mental illness (Ragnarok cannot make us believe that all of these problems are mere “childish fixations,” to quote the director, or a lazy failure to “grow and change”). I hope the Loki TV show turns out to be worthy of the character as you, Branagh, and Whedon shaped him, not another cynical effort to cash in on Loki’s fans while making no secret of the contempt in which we are held, especially because most of us are female, and bowing to the dislike of the Reddit crowd that can’t understand why a cerebral, slightly androgynous, morally ambiguous character is more appealing to women than the standard self-certain male power fantasies (must be because women always go for assholes, right?). I haven’t decided yet whether I want to subscribe to Disney+ so that Marvel knows exactly how many people care about Loki, or boycott it in protest of how the MCU has treated Loki and his fans. Maybe I’ll compromise by using someone else’s login…
To conclude (finally; we academics tend to wax long-winded): Thank you for all your magnificent work, which clearly demonstrates your respect for both your craft and your audience. You’re a true artist, and you manage to elevate everything you act in (your eyebrow movements furnished most of the sincere pathos in Ragnarok). I hope you will continue to act both in the theater, which is obviously your true passion, and in film and TV so that your work is accessible to a larger audience. Or do more of those National Theatre Live things; best of both worlds.
Sincerely, etc.
#letter to tom hiddleston#tom hiddleston#tom hiddleston as loki#tom hiddleston's acting#anti thor ragnarok
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I HAVE FINISHED ALL THE ROUTES OF FE THREE HOUSES (for now) - SPOILERS
There’s DLC saying there will be new content and new characters and all of that starting April 30th 2020. I just thought that “new content”?! DID YOU MEAN NEW ROUTE?! I’m sorry for being dumb.
However, THIS LINK indicates that there will be a “Completely” new story.
This new update (the free one) will offer LUNATIC MODE for all ya crazy people.
https://fireemblem.nintendo.com/three-houses/downloadable-content/
Each takes about 20-25 hours depending on the time you want to spend grinding and/or exploring. If you read through every line and wait for the voice actors to finish every line, maybe it’ll take you 70 or something.
The storyline of this game was such a step up from Fates partially because the Fates storyline was shit, we all knew it, and I still enjoyed it despite having a seemingly bland cast and a terrible story. On the other hand, your weapons don’t run out of ammo. This game was vastly different with no weapon triangle, pair-ups, and all that other stuff from Awakening and Fates. Keep in mind, I’m a filthy casual that’s only played Shadow Dragon, Awakening, and Fates.
This game was so much fun. If you want to enjoy it for yourself, don’t read on because there are plenty of spoilers for the whole family!
This is the game in a nutshell: Which of you likeable people shall I kill? Yes, I find Edelgard likeable.
Church of Seiros (Normal/Casual - Black Eagles then decide not to side with Edelgard)
This route was my first. I made a mistake of not recruiting anyone else. It was a little sad without an overpowered house leader (I’m looking at you, Claude). I didn’t like Rhea. I accidentally chose this route. I wouldn’t mind doing it again, but again, I don’t like Rhea.
I played it on casual to get used to the mechanics. That and I’m a filthy casual.
I feel like this is probably my least favourite route because of the absence of a house leader and because I was so ignorant as to not recruit anyone from the other houses. I played as a male character. I chose Petra at the end. She’s so sweet and nice. She is everything that I stand for.
I would give it a solid 7/10.
Black Eagles (Normal/Classic - Choose to go against the church)
Ah, revolution. Go against the church, side with the people who murdered your father, but then realize it’s too late to go back and that Rhea. Weirdly, it made sense to me at the time considering how I felt a strong sense of betrayal towards Rhea anyway. I recruited everyone I wanted (Ingrid, Felix, Sylvain) except for Annette and Lysithea I think? I’m pretty sure I also got Marianne. I didn’t manage to get Ashe, but after a playthrough of Blue Lions, I now realize I missed out on nothing. I couldn’t use the guy. I just got Bernadetta, and despite being under levelled, she fulfilled his role and better.
Edelgard is the second strongest out of the house leaders I think. This route was fun because it was the one full of revolution. It was what would be considered as “turning evil for the sake of good”. I just remember really enjoying the gameplay and defeating Dimitri. I, however, didn’t appreciate Edelgard just stealing the last moment and killing Dimitri. You have a choice to kill Claude. In the end, Claude can live on pretty much all routes.
Again, I really enjoyed this route. I would definitely play and again, and I will. Married Edelgard with a female avatar.
Golden Deer (Normal/Classic - Fear the Deer - This is about as neutral as you can get for now)
This is arguably as neutral as you can get... for now. Claude is a great unit, a great guy, and Joe is so devoted to this role. I played in both Japanese and English (switched whenever I turned on the system). I did kind of prefer Toshi’s interpretation at times, but Joe had a ton of good moments where I preferred his voice as well. For one, I feel like Toshi has far more experience with confession scenes, so when I chose Claude in the end, Toshi delivered better there, but the localization did wonders for Joe as well. The script changes made sure that Claude became the character that everyone knows and loves.
Gameplay-wise, at this point, I just recruited all my guys and gals from the other houses and ignored A TON of the Golden Deer, and I feel no remorse. They’re alive and kicking... just not on the field. I got a ton of my Black Eagles (Dorothea, Caspar, Linhardt, Petra) and a ton of my Blue Lions (Felix, Ingrid, Sylvain, and probably a few others I’m not remembering).
Overall, I think this was my favourite route because Claude was awesome, so overpowered with his relic, and he’s just an awesome guy that should’ve been bi but the confession end card was drawn with only the female avatar which makes Edelgard the only confirmed bi out of the three.
Blue Lions (Normal/Classic - STRONG OOF)
After being scolded on Tumblr for not understanding Dimitri, I went and did the Blue Lions route!
I called this guy insane and got backlash. Let me put it this way, the Black Eagles route cuts him out to be a real big villain. He’s so fixated on revenge that he’s blinded. He causes the deaths of a lot of his former classmates with little to no remorse.
But on this route? Ah, well, he’s still like that for the first half post-time skip.
This route is rich in backstory. It paints Edelgard is such a bad light which I enjoy so much. Do I like her? Yes. But do I think this is necessary? Absolutely. That last scene was “poetic cinema”. The way the dagger worked and all those broken dreams. All the NPC deaths and things like that. Nice.
I’m still not a huge fan of Dimitri. Gameplay-wise, he was the worst and hardest to use out of the three. I’m also saying that because that person almost ruined this whole route for me.
_____________________
A quick ramble about voice actors for this game:
YOU WOULDN’T BELIEVE HOW HAPPY I WAS TO FIND OUT WE GOT TO HEAR THE JAPANESE VOICES!
As a seiyuu fan, I was ecstatic. However, I did kind of miss that Hosoya didn’t appear in this one. He was Morgan in Awakening and Shigure in Fates.
I listened to both casts, and besides a few voices (Japanese Bernadetta killed my ears), I loved both sides no matter how different they were. While some delivery was a little weak (nothing major), I found that it was generally very well-done.
Both Ai Kakuma and Tara Platt stood out to me as Edelgard. For one, Tara Platt is immensely talented. I didn’t hear Ai Kakuma around as much (I only heard her make an appearance in Kimetsu no Yaiba).
Both Kaito Ishikawa and Chris Hackney were great as Dimitri, but I think Chris gave him a bit more of a “snobbish king” kind of feel which was probably better for my perception of his character.
Joe Zieja was iconic as Claude but so was Toshiyuki Toyonaga. Toshi was far suaver and flirtatious and pulling off more of that “otome game” kind of vibe while Joe has contributed so much to the fandom outside of the actual game. It’s much harder to choose between the two for this one.
Both sides really bring it their all, and while I do have my preferences, I would be fine either way.
Of course, these lines weren’t really translated perfectly in the dub. From what I hear, there are a ton of nuances and the way that they spoke that didn’t go both ways. In the end, the gist was the same.
I might ramble further in a separate post because I wanna.
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Since I love reading your opinions, could you talk a bit more of why you like Bradley? :) Also, what do you think of Norman's other love interests as characters? (Cody, Emma, Madeleine).
Of course! A large part of the reason I like Bradley is because most people don’t and I feel like there’s a double standard placed on her as a female character. As you said, Bradley and Norman’s gender roles were reversed (particularly in season 1) and Bradley was branded the good looking, popular girl that takes nerd boys virginity and breaks his heart by rejecting him. It’s a very popular trope but it’s usually applied to male characters and those male characters (although they may be disliked by some people) generally get a pass because it’s just what they do or as jock-types they have deeply complex emotional issues which mean they use sex as a defence mechanism, so therefore it’s okay. Also, a lot of the time those guys are given some half-assed redemptive arc which allows them to make amends for their actions.
A lot of people dislike Bradley for her actions towards Norman in season 1, but in my opinion, that’s unfair. Firstly, Norman is not some precious little bean that deserves to be loved and treasured - he’s a cold blooded killer and his feelings for Bradley bordered on obsessiveness. Secondly, context is very important here and at the time they slept together, Bradley was in a deep emotional state and grieving the loss of her father. In sleeping with Norman, Bradley didn’t deliberately seek to hurt or exploit him, she just desperately needed comforting in that moment. Let’s also not forget that Bradley genuinely liked and cared for Norman and had a strong connection to him (although it was only as a friend), so her intention would never have been to hurt him. It was wrong of her to sleep with him knowing that he had romantic feelings for her when she didn’t return them, but that doesn’t make her a bad person. Also, Norman went over to Bradley’s house knowing she was fragile and clearly suspected and/or expected that they would sleep together. Norman wanted it to happen regardless of how it happened because it was wish fulfilment for him. After they slept together Norman’s sense of entitlement after they slept together was worse than what Bradley did. Whilst Bradley was fragile and grieving, Norman took a situation and made it all about him and painted Bradley as an awful person who had purposefully and cruelly hurt him. The problem with that is that Bradley was under no obligation to enter into a relationship with Norman after sleeping with him. Also, she never gave him any inclination that that’s what would happen. She didn’t lead him on or make him false promises, Norman - influenced by his feelings for her and perhaps naive and inexperienced in love/sex - made those assumptions himself. Afterwards Bradley was never rude or harsh towards Norman, she calmly explained that she didn’t have romantic feelings for him and demonstrated a great level of care towards Norman, despite his fit of anger towards her.
I definitely feel like Bradley gets a lot of flack for her actions towards Norman because she’s a girl and that male characters that have behaved the same way haven’t been treated in the same way. Also, in comparison to the other awful things the characters on the show did, Bradley’s actions do not even come close. From the beginning Bradley was a very sweet and compassionate person. Despite being popular and pretty, she welcomed Norman with open arms and involved him with her friends. I also think that Bradley struggled with mental health from the beginning of the series, but that it didn’t fully come into view until after her father’s death, and that needs to be taken into consideration when analysing her character. I don’t really think Bradley gets the understanding she deserves (particularly when it comes to her mental health) and is just written off as being Norman’s bitch-ex-friend/lover who went crazy. There’s a lot more to Bradley if you just dig beneath the surface, but because we aren’t handed everything about her on a plate people dismiss her as minor characters often are. I think Bradley’s popularity was her attempt to make up for the lack of attention/love she got at home (we know her father worked a lot and was having an affair, so he clearly wasn’t around much and their home couldn’t have been happy; we also know that her mother moved on very quickly after her “death” suggesting she didn’t love Bradley as much as a mother should), but that her popularity actually fed into her loneliness and sense of isolation. There’s a quote from Coredlia that sums this up perfectly actually:
Cordelia: Hey! You think I’m never lonely because I’m so cute and popular? I can be surrounded by people and be completely alone. It’s not like any of them really know me. I don’t even know if they like me half the time. People just want to be in a popular zone. Sometimes when I talk, everyone’s so busy agreeing with me, they don’t hear a word I say.
Buffy: Well, if you feel so alone, then why do you work so hard at being popular?
Cordelia: Well, it beats being alone all by yourself.
This explains why Bradley feels such a profound connection to Norman when he first arrives in White Pine Bay. He’s another lonely soul and he’s not preoccupied or concerned with popularity, so she can be herself with him. She attaches herself to him because she recognises something in him that she sees in herself. Norman also provides her with the attention, affection and love she craves, but it’s actually genuinely and unlike the attention she might get from her other friends or people at school who do it just because she’s popular and not actually because they care about her as a person.
When her dad died, I think that really opened the flood gates to all of the issues she’d been carrying around with her. The fact that her dad died at all and particularly that he had died so horrifically was obviously a huge trauma for her, but I think the biggest trauma was that it placed the unhappiness of her family into the spotlight. It seems that her mom didn’t particularly support her through her grief (we can assume her parents relationship was loveless since her dad was having an affair) and she was likely regretful of the lack of time she and her dad spent together when he was alive. His death essentially amplified the sense of loneliness she already felt to the extreme. This also explains why Bradley slept with Norman, the only person with whom she felt a genuine connection with, at this particular time. When Bradley was desperately searching for answers about her father’s death, she was practically alone in her mission. The only people that helped her were Norman and Dylan, which speaks volumes to just how alone she was. Although she was friends with Norman, they hadn’t known each other long and Dylan was nobody to her except Norman’s brother. Yet these two young boys were the only ones that even attempted to support her through the ordeal. It’s no surprise that in her heightened emotional state that her mental health deteriorated, particularly since no one showed her any real love, support or understanding. I don’t condone her murdering Gill, but she was a person who was at her wits end, suffering with her mental health and had no guidance or help at all.
The saddest part is how she died. I sincerely believe she felt a strong connection to Norman and I even believe that when she returned she realised her feelings for him went beyond friendship. There was a reason Norman was the only person Bradley trusted, why he was the one she turned to when she was in trouble and why he was the only one she felt she could open up to. It’s really sad that she was killed by Mother for the same reason most people hate her - for being a “whore” and seducing Norman. It really invalidates her character and the struggles she went through and reduces her to a shallow (and untrue) stereotype that’s so often attached to beautiful girls and women.
So yeah, I like Bradley because I think she’s incredibly misunderstood, the nuances of her character aren’t recognised and she’s unfairly branded a slut just because she’s a beautiful young girl. Bradley actually reminds me of Effy from Skins, but a less developed version because she was only a minor character on Bates and not given the same time and attention that Effy was. But I see a lot of parallels between the two characters, which is interesting because Effy is such a well-loved character and Bradley is generally disliked.
Wow, that analysis ended up being so much longer than I expected. I had more to say about Bradley than I realised.
As for Norman’s other interests, I didn’t particularly like any of them. I never particularly liked Emma because I found her to be really judgemental and have a holier-than-thou attitude. She treated Norman the same way Norman treated Bradley - as though he owed her something because she had feelings for him. I generally think she lacked in personality, particularly after she became involved with Dylan.
I really disliked Cody. I know the abusive father thing is supposed to make her more sympathetic, but it just doesn’t. She behaves like an asshole because she chooses to behave like an asshole. She’s rude, disrespectful, reckless and self-indulgent. She was bad for Norman and almost treated his mental health like a game at times.
Madeline was sweet and I don’t dislike her, but we also don’t really know enough about her for me to have strong opinions about her. I just think she was sweet but that her actions regarding Norman were questionable. Like, she was married but willingly flirted with Norman and invited him around to her house for dinner. She clearly had an attraction to him or liked the fact that she knew Norman wanted her, and she indulged in that despite being married. Of course, her husband was cheating on her so that makes it seem more acceptable, but in reality she didn’t know her husband was cheating and still should’ve been faithful to her husband.
Thanks for asking, lovely! Sorry, this ended up being waaaay longer than I thought it would be (nothing new there) haha.
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I think so too, that It IS a missed oportunity un Digimon to create a proper female caracters after Ruki, it hurts to see they just care about looks only. Sad you feel so shit about it. If you ever Go Back too Ryo and His sheaningans pleased say it. His wonderswan Incarnation is such lost Jewel, love him. His more complex and nuanced characters won me over. Do you know more writers Who wrote him nice?
Any informacion and/ or source on Network tamers, his original story before or was changed to Brave tamers? Any Background information in the Games welches please. I feel that sadly almost no Anime nowdays has great Girls WHO have more depth that being Cheerleaders or Candy eyes. If you know please Share.
Unfortunately, crappy female characters are kind of the standard for the shounen genre. You have to move beyond that to see decent female characters. I can’t tell you of any new anime/manga with good female characters because I gave up on anime years ago, and just don’t have the time to keep up with anything.
I don’t think I’m likely to go back to Ryo for a couple of years yet. I am old, burned out, occupied with work and fixing up the house, translating Final Fantasy V stuff, and just want to focus on things that make me happy right now. And shounen bullshit does not make me happy.
Everything I remember about Network Tamers: It was the working title for what would end up being Brave Tamer. Bandai had a news blurb on its Wonderswan site for it that ended up being taken down. The blurb said that Takato would join Ryo in the primitive Digital World on the quest to defeat Shin (True) Millenniumon, his final form. Much like Ken in Tag Tamers, probably. Bandai changed track later: only the digimon themselves would join Ryo, and Shin Millenniumon ended up becoming Ziyd/Zeed Millenniumon. Instead of the game being just another of the Ryo vs Mille games and a stepping stone to a new one, Brave Tamer became his videogame swansong.
I wish I could link you to the news blurb, but Bandai was very good at erasing Network Tamers’ existence from the internet. I can’t even find it on the Wayback Machine.
I’m afraid I can’t point you to fic writers who focus on Ryo, either. I just don’t read for him at all--my experience with Japanese fandom makes me uninterested in Western fandom’s interpretations, and the only thing I’m interested in reading anything for is lesbian characters because hey, I’m a lesbian, we deserve representation that isn’t bad smut by and for guys. You can find some works here on AO3; but again, can’t attest to the quality of them.
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hi, do you have any good molliarty fic recs? :)
Of course! Below are some of my personal favorites. Also, you should definitely check out @whyimmathere‘s recent Molliarty post. It’s got lots of fics and the links at the bottom lead to her huge personal collection of Molliarty stories scoured from the internet. It’s a fantastic resource for any Molliarty reader and I’m very grateful for her dedication to this ship.
In no particular order:
Say Something Ordinary by TheWormThatTurns
Chapters: 6/6Words: 5485Rating: Teen And Up AudiencesWarnings: No Archive Warnings ApplyRelationships: Irene Adler/Molly Hooper, Molly Hooper/Jim Moriarty, Molly Hooper/John Watson, Mycroft Holmes/Molly Hooper, Molly Hooper/Greg Lestrade, Sherlock Holmes/Molly Hooper
Additional Tags: Happy Ending, Unhappy Ending, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Alternate Universe
Summary:
Soul mates exist. They know one another, if they meet, by the words on their flesh. The first words they will speak to one another. Molly Hooper is one person amongst millions, if not billions, born with a banal remark on her skin. True love is hard to find. AU. f/f & f/m, mostly the latter.
The Molliarty in this story is only one chapter, but I enjoyed the whole piece very much. It even has a bit of Jim POV!
Daddy by the sublime mime
Chapters: 1/1Words: 643Rating: TSummary: “Let’s play our favorite game.” Jim says. “Let’s play pretend.” -a little dribble, in which Jim is very alive and very angry with our favorite pathologist-
A shortie, but I liked it. Bit of violence in this.
I love you as I love… by CalicoKitten
Chapters: 1/1Words: 3584Fandom: Sherlock (TV), His Dark Materials - Philip PullmanRating: Not RatedWarnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive WarningsRelationships: Sherlock Holmes/Molly Hooper, Molly Hooper/Jim MoriartyCharacters: Molly Hooper, Jim Moriarty, Sherlock Holmes, Mycroft HolmesAdditional Tags: Alternate Universe - Daemon, Daemons, Molly is a BAMF, she’s also not as innocent as everyone thinks, Unhealthy Relationships, Death ReferencesSummary:
Molly knows Jim Doyle (because that’s how he introduces himself, hands sweating and shaky, stuttering in the cafeteria) is bad news as soon as she sees his daemon grin.
That doesn’t put her off him. If anything it makes her say yes all the more quickly.
Fantastic story that makes good use of both source canons and also mythology. Knowledge of His Dark Materials is not necessary. There are a few grammar/word usage errors but don’t let that put you off—the story is so enjoyable it doesn’t matter. I’ve read it many times.
I O U by retorica
Chapters: 8/?Words: 20761Rating: MatureWarnings: Graphic Depictions Of ViolenceRelationships: Molly Hooper/Jim MoriartyCharacters: Molly Hooper, Jim Moriarty, Sherlock Holmes, Eurus Holmes, Sebastian Moran
Additional Tags: Psychopath in Love, Loss of Innocence, Molly is his queen, molliarty - Freeform
Summary:
“Are you in love, Jim? Has sentiment overcome your faculties?” (4x03 flashback compliant)
This story. It’s a WIP. Slow to update but so, so good. It’s sort of set in canon? Canon-themed, maybe? I’m not sure how to describe it, honestly, but retorica really amps it up here. Beautifully written and the author shows zero fear of taking turns with the plot.
What Sober Couldn’t Say by ribcage
Chapters: 1/1Words: 4603Rating: Not RatedWarnings: No Archive Warnings ApplyRelationships: Molly Hooper/Jim Moriarty, Molly Hooper/James MoriartyCharacters: Molly Hooper, Jim Moriarty, Toby the Cat (Sherlock)Additional Tags: Drunk Texting, Texting, Happy Ending, molliarty - Freeform, Inspired By Tumblr
Summary:
“(11:23 pm) Drinking again
(11:24 pm) And since it makes me too sad to go on my blog anymore thanks to you, I figured it’s only fair you become my new place to vent
(11:25 pm) You’re probably not receiving these messages anyway so no harm no foul
(11:25 pm) Right?”
Molly drunk-texts Jim over the course of several months.
They say that nuance is lost over text, but Molly’s pain is very palpable here. A large part of this story is comprised of text messages, but the author writes well and the medium works here. Bit of a happy ending. Love this one!
Junior by ll_again
Chapters: 1/1Words: 1907Rating: Teen And Up AudiencesWarnings: No Archive Warnings ApplyRelationships: Molly Hooper/Jim MoriartyCharacters: Molly Hooper, Jim Moriarty, Toby the Cat (Sherlock)Additional Tags: Jim is a cat person, Post-Episode: s01e03 The Great GameSummary:
So what’s a beleaguered pathologist to do when the UK’s Most Wanted turns up to visit her cat?
Lovely writing and ll_again just portrays Jim and Molly so beautifully. This one is a little more lighthearted than some of the other stories here. If you like sexual tension and humor, you’ll love this. It’s great!
A Bedtime Story for a Madman and a Queen by sillythings
Chapters: 5/5Words: 17411Rating: T
Summary: Moriarty stops by to tell Molly a bedtime story.
This might be my favorite of all time. Hauntingly beautiful. The author’s portrayal of Jim is so good it’s stunning. The storytelling here is masterful, and spins stories within stories. It’s dark and loving and just wonderful. Strong Sherlolly theme in this one.
Power in Potentia by sovery
Chapters: 1/1Words: 1268Rating: Teen And Up AudiencesWarnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive WarningsRelationships: Molly Hooper/Jim Moriarty, Molly Hooper & Jim MoriartyCharacters: Molly Hooper, Jim MoriartyAdditional Tags: feminist reclaimation of the text, Fairy Tale Elements, Vampires, darkish, (it’s all about the ish)
Summary:
Molly does not imagine that this is how Jim expected their confrontation to go.
Bit of formatting issues in this one, but it’s so well-written it’s worth the read. Not exactly a relationship fic, but I loved Molly in this. A good, dark story.
The Fox by Anarfea
Chapters: 1/1Words: 3767Rating: ExplicitWarnings: No Archive Warnings ApplyRelationships: Molly Hooper/Jim Moriarty, Sherlock Holmes/Molly Hooper, Sherlock Holmes/Jim MoriartyCharacters: Molly Hooper, Jim Moriarty, Sherlock HolmesAdditional Tags: Missing Scene, Season/Series 02, Anal Play, Anal Sex, Dirty Talk, Masturbation, Oral Sex, Sexual Fantasy, Unresolved Sexual Tension, Vaginal Sex, molliarty - Freeform
Summary:
“Close your eyes and pretend I’m Sherlock Holmes,” he murmured. “I don’t mind.”
Oh, the smut. In character, well-written smut. Fantastic story.
Nameless by Ridiculosity
Chapters: 9/?Words: 37733Rating: MatureWarnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive WarningsRelationships: Molly Hooper/Jim MoriartyCharacters: Jim Moriarty, Molly Hooper, Sherlock HolmesAdditional Tags: Soulmates AU, i… don’t know, Angst, Lots of Angst, Psychopath Moriarty, normal molly, molliarty - Freeform, lemon tarts, this is so trashy
Summary:
The first name was expected - even welcomed. The second, on the other hand, left much to be desired. And Jim would never understand what it was about it that was compelling. [Soulmate AU: On one hand, the name of your soulmate, on the other - your enemy. Molliarty.]
WIP. On the surface this is sort of a funny story. I smiled a lot reading this. On occasion, though, it delves into pathos, and it’s very effective. I like a bit of pain in stories and this delivers. Well-written and enjoyable.
The Rose Point Manor by BookishTea, Roz1013, stbartsmolly
Chapters: 6/?Words: 17923Rating: MatureWarnings: Graphic Depictions Of ViolenceRelationships: Molly Hooper/Jim Moriarty, Molly Hooper & Meena, Sherlock Holmes & Molly Hooper, Molly Hooper & Original Female CharacterCharacters: Molly Hooper, Jim Moriarty, Sherlock Holmes, John Watson, Mycroft Holmes, Meena (Sherlock), Greg Lestrade, Sebastian Moran, Mike Stamford, Original Female Character(s), Original Male Character(s), Jim Moriarty’s Mother, Jim Moriarty’s FatherAdditional Tags: Mystery, Drama & Romance, Dysfunctional Family, Family Secrets, Alternate Universe - Victorian, Post-Episode: The Abominable Bride, Mark Hooper - Freeform, Costume Parties & Masquerades, Love Letters, BAMF Molly, Molly Hooper Appreciation, Explicit Sexual Content, Explicit Language, molliarty - Freeform, Possessive Sex, Jealous Sherlock, Possessive Behavior, Haunted Houses, Possessive Jim, Female Friendship, Female Protagonist, Abandonment, Past Child Abuse, Emotional Manipulation, Sexual Tension, Murder, Aftermath of Violence, Violence, Minor Sherlock Holmes/Molly HooperSummary:
A young woman struggling in an unjust society takes a break from the theatrics of pretending to be her male counterpart, Mark Hooper, and decides to relax at the quiet but foreboding Rose Point Manor. There she comes to a realization that something far more sinister lurks there than at her morgue back home.
WIP. Still in the early stages but I just love the setup here. Mystery? Paranormal? Epistolary writing? Count me in. Can’t wait to see what’s next.
Quite a few of these authors have multiple stories, so I have linked their profiles too so you can check them out.
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for the 'send me a character' thing - Darry, Evie, Cherry, Mark Jennings and BJ Jackson (if you haven't read all the SE books, don't worry. and tag/send this to changesxnight when you're done cause she loves you)
(wow i wonder who couldve sent this cryptic anon) i love u too britt
Darry
First impressions?
listen,,, i was such a bab when i first read this book,, and i 100% sided w pony and so my first impression of darry was just >:(
Impression now?
if i was to write down my full impression of darry i honestly think i’d give yall like a 50000 word essay in chicago style but suffice it to say that DARRY IS AMAZING and a million percent hes the most selfless person in the whole world and honestly the only NORMAL ONE like y’all can stan soda all u want but he still eats jelly and eggs im not About it
Favorite Moment? im gonna pick three because im an actual trash can,,,
There was an uneasy silence: Who was going to start it? Darry solved the problem. He stepped forward under the circle of light made by the street lamp. For a minute, everything looked unreal, like a scene out of a JD movie or something. Then Darry said, “I’ll take on anyone.”
iconic
“I’ll be okay,” I said wearily. “How come you never worry about Sodapop as much? I don’t see you lecturin’ him.“
“Man,”- Darry grinned and put his arm across Soda’s shoulders - “this is one kid brother I don’t have to worry about."
Soda punched him in the ribs affectionately.
"This kiddo can use his head." Sodapop looked down at me with mock superiority, but Darry went on: "You can see he uses it for one thing - to grow hair on.” He ducked Soda’s swing and took off for the door.
Two-Bit stuck his head in the door just as Darry went flying out of it. Leaping as he went off the steps, Darry turned a somersault in mid-air, hit the ground, and bounced up before Soda could catch him.
ADORABLE
“Darry, do you think they’ll split us up? Put me in a home or something?"
He was silent. "I don’t know, baby. I just don’t know.”
what a Dad™
Idea for a story?
ok so i would die for any story that fleshes out the relationship darry had w his dad like im living for happy, stress-free, younger darry
Unpopular opinion?
i don’t really know that there are any opinions i have about him that would be considered unpopular? r there still people who claim he’s abusive or are they like a cryptid now
Favorite relationship?
darry x happiness
Favorite headcanon?
it’s one of mine it’s that his fave music is swing he is the ultimate Dad™
Evie
First impression?
“what’s evie short for? evelyn? evangeline? e v a n e s c e n c e.”
Impression now?
*banging pots and pans together* AN EVIE NOVEL!!!! EVIE NOVEL!!! BLEASE
Favorite moment?
Did they cry when their boys were arrested, like Evie did when Steve got hauled in, or did they run out on them the way Sylvia did Dallas?
this is the only line in the book where it talks about her doing something? like the only other lines are “we’re going to a game” and “she, along with the other rarely mentioned females in the book, are greasy like us, and the only girls we have a chance with.” so, se hinton, step up ur girl-writing game, it weak
Idea for a story?
i feel like she and sylvia would be rlly interesting together id love to see them like as tag-team scammers
Unpopular opinion?
evie is soft,,,, she is not like wild child sylvia (that’s why i feel like they’d be a good team,like sylvia gets her out on the town, evie stops her from stealing a stop sign or something)
Favorite relationship?
i believe in evie x steve i really do,,
Favorite headcanon?
EVIE PICKS WILDFLOWERS AND DRIES THEM, AND THEY CREEP STEVE OUT HE SAYS ITS LIKE THE ADDAMS FAMILY HOUSE BUT SHE THINKS THEYRE PRETTY
Cherry
First impression?
an actual literal goddess come to Earth, better than we deserve, needs a solo trip to the beach
Impression now?
an actual literal goddess come to Earth, so much better than we will ever deserve, needs 30 solo trips to the beach
Favorite moment?
Dally came striding back with an armful of Cokes. He handed one to each of the girls and sat down beside Cherry. “This might cool you off."
She gave him an incredulous look; and then she threw her Coke in his face. "That might cool you off, greaser. After you wash your mouth and learn to talk and act decent, I might cool off, too.”
i mean how could i pick any other moment,,,
Idea for a story?
literally any story where she isn’t shipped with anyone let her and marcia go on a crosscountry roadtrip where they take pictures at the grand canyon where they’re like “falling off the cliff lol scared u!”
Unpopular opinion?
i’m not sure if this opinion is actually unpopular or not but she was well within her rights to refuse seeing johnny at the hospital?? like i know this is debated a lot but she didnt owe him anything, no matter how much we love him, she doesnt have to
Favorite relationship?
cherry x being true to herself (also a version of bob where he respects that she doesn’t like him drinking around her)
Favorite headcanon?
i honestly haven’t seen that many cherry headcanons? where are they? im just gonna say i totally believe in her as a beach lady
Mark Jennings
First impression?
i loved this boy so much like you dont even understand. the only person in the book i liked more than mark was charlie (im still angry)
Impression now?
*ugly sobbing* hhe wa sjuust truin gto helpp oit brryonss momm,,.,,,
Favorite moment?
“How goes it?” I managed finally. “What’s the action like in here?”
“If I told you how it was in here,” he said, “you’d be sick.” There was a silence. Then, he continued. “I didn’t have to see you. I wanted to, though. I had to make sure.”
“Make sure of what?”
“Make sure I hated you.”
Idea for a story?
An entire overhaul of the whole book where he doesn’t end up in jail, full of hate.
Unpopular opinion?
so i’m not 100% on what the general agreement is on mark, but my unpopular opinion is i understand where he was coming from. he was trying to make money for the household that took him in when his life fell apart, and bryon’s minimum wage job wasn’t cutting it, and he knew desperate times call for desperate measures. i don’t agree with it, but i get it, and for the 213537356623465752676th time, bryon could have talked to mark. they were close, and he might’ve been able to influence him, but he didn’t try.
Favorite relationship?
hhhhh i appreciated the mother/son bond between him and bryon’s mom? i can’t remember a lot about the nuances of this book, but whatever.
Favorite headcanon?
i honestly don’t know. im just v sad about him and i want him to grow up to have as normal and happy a life as he can manage when he got out of prison.
BJ Jackson
i know nothing about this “”””bj jackson”””””. sounds like fake news to me.
i’m gonna let @changesxnight weigh in on this one, so sorry my love
THATS IT THANK U FOR REQUESTING BRITT SORRY IT TOOK TEN MILLION YEARS
#this was so fun#if anyone actually wants me to ill deadass write an essay in chicago style on darry curtis and publish it here ill fucking do it dont test m#it might not be 50000 words tho#this was so funnnnn#it britt#the outsiders#the outsiders headcanons#se hinton#darrel curtis#darry curtis#cherry valance#sherri valance#Sherri 'cherry' valance#evie Daniels#is her last name even daniels or was that in a fic i read who know#mark jennings#that was then this is now#twttin#bryon#bryon what's his last name#bryon the betrayer#thats not fair liz#hush liz i know but im tagging it anyway#bj jackson#ask#answered#anonymous#except it's signed so only kind of anonymous#hell post#shut up liz
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SCREW TO THE LIMIT- 3
Original title: Vite sull’orlo del baratro.
Prompt: prostitution, sacrifice, danger.
Warnings: A.U., mention of sex content.
Genre: angst, drama, family, romantic, smut.
Characters: Penelope Garcia, Luke Alvez, Luke’s son, BAU team, others OC, Derek Morgan.
Pairing: Garvez.
Note: oneshot.
Legend: 💏😘😈👓🔦🐶👨👩👧👦💍🎲🎈.
Song mentioned: none.
Screw to the Limit- Masterlist
GARVEZ STORIES
PART 3
He arrives at the office with only one thing in mind: quickly finish the report on the case of a Vietnam veteran convinced he is still at war and then, he can run from Penelope. Because he likes the way she confronts him, she is tough, but he doesn’t know her true personality. She was almost playing a part and maybe it's really like that, maybe it's the technique she worked out to protect herself from the world where she sells to. And in any case, he didn’t lie to one thing: he was really assigned to the task of making sure she arrives alive in court, or rather he has tormented Hotch up to get him.
But anxiety or haste aren't bad advisers, and work, as usual, is not affected by his private drives. This is why he probably wasn’t downgraded or struck off when they found out a sentimental involvement with one of the victims of a very bad case, with an equally unpleasant ending, if not that out of that mess was born a good thing, because Adam was certainly not a mistake. However, in the environment someone still harbored a grudge against him, and the gossips certainly were not lacking, but doesn’t care, until all this would not affect his son, the only truly innocent soul of this story.
He presses the save button and sends the file to the upper organs. -Are you rushing to leave, Alvez?- he doesn’t even raise his head because he has recognized his colleague by the voice. One of Morgan's favorite activities is just making fun of him. -You're so excited at the idea of seeing that girl again, right? I'm right!- he says. -Look, you blushed!- he raises his eyes in those equally dark of his colleague. -I can’t give you wrong. I took a look at the dossier... eye candy, if you don’t mind the abundance...- Luke stiffens, hearing him speak in those terms of Penelope. The fact Morgan is a womanizer is known as much as his own reputation among prostitutes.
-You're just jealous.- he says, standing up and taking his bag, while the computer is turning off. - Hurry, that case of the bums is waiting for you... so much rubbish in which to rummage.- he smiles maliciously. -Good digging!- he greets him enjoying the grimace that appears on the face of the other.
While he drives, his mind is continually harassed by inviting images, all with only one protagonist. He closes the door with more force than usual, perhaps looking for the right attitude even in that simple gesture. He knocks, to warn her that he is about to enter. There is no noise, no sign that there is a living soul in the house. But he doesn’t want to think about the worst, even if the hand is already on the holster. His pride, or not wanting to let her know he worried about her, urges him not to call her. Of course, he is not prepared for the show that lurks there.
She is crying and this becomes clear immediately. She is curled up on the bed, in a fetal position, her face covered by a cascade of blond hair, her arms on her stomach, as if she were protecting a child. They aren’t just sobs as seen in the movies, it is not a fine drizzle but a full-scale downpour. He approaches slowly, she doesn’t hear him coming. -Penelope?- he is upset. Totally. He always hated to see women crying, perhaps because, without having to overdo the psychoanalysts, his mother was regularly beaten by his partner. And it was up to him, as small as he was, to take care of her, disinfect the wounds, comfort her. -Penelope!- he screams louder, forcing her to sit up. -What the hell happened?- the woman doesn’t answer, but the tears stop the flow.
-Nothing.- she stubborn says, like a good girl. -Absolutely nothing.- and the fact is that she is not lying to him, nothing really happened since the last time he saw her. Only she can’t take it anymore, to live like this; she misses her too terribly, just wants to shake her body in her arms, staying with her for hours to inhale her scent. But months will pass before she can do it.
-I don’t believe it. Tell me why you're crying.- he tries again with the bad manners. He takes her by the shoulders, abruptly, shakes her making them a little sick. But she remains closed in her silence. She doesn’t emit a single sound. He sighs, frustrated, letting her go just as carelessly and almost risks hitting her against the back of the bed. -I can try to help you, if you tell me something.- he feels the anger growing up inside, because, even if they met only a few days ago, he has already realized that with her, only two attitudes are possible: hard and sarcastic or delicate and thoughtful. No viable middle way.
She turns back, moving away from the bed. -I don’t need your help. You're only wasting your time, Federal Agent.- and she can’t help but make fun of him, but despite her arrogant attitude, her eyes remain flushed and her voice hoarse with the cold that has caused her to cry too much. As much as she tries to make him believe it was nothing but worse or fake, Luke is not so naive, in fact. Perhaps he never was, since the innocence of childhood was taken away from him too soon.
-Do you think I'm a stupid?- he asks, on the face printed that usual bad smile. She tries not to meet his gaze. Then he grabs her by the chin, not dosing his strength too much, making her intuit it to keep in her mind what might happen, if only he wanted it. Penelope wastes no time, digging the nails in the hands of the man, to let out blood. Yet he doesn’t give up, nor loosens the grip. -It's a challenge lost at the start, are you aware of it?- she says, almost laughing at his attempts to hurt him. -It's resisting arrest. I could denounce you and get you arrested...- just for the sake of doing it and to exercise power, that thing which, together with sex and money, governs the world. He would never throw her in jail, not a similar crap.
She doesn’t look scared at all. As Luke still take her face in his hands, she elaborates a new strategy. She starts to punch him, but they have the effect of a tickle. In any case, he still gets to let her go, only that freedom lasts too little and in a moment, she finds herself against his chest, held back by his wrists. She is really too close to him: she feels the warmth of the man, his scent (which tastes good); the head starts to turn them as she tries to avoid any visual contact as much as possible. Falling in his eyes when they are so close, it would be the end. He looks at her from top to bottom, clearly enjoying the situation. At most there will be a finger of distance between their lips, calculates roughly.
-What I have to do with you?- the tone is low, hoarse, or sexy. She doesn’t hold back a kind of moan that goes from the depths of her soul or, when she feels something substantial against her leg. He smiles, pleased with the scandal in his eyes . -Say it.- he orders, a glimmer of seriousness in her eyes. It is not just a perverse game, it is not at all having fun. He really wants to know why she's so sad... but in any case... he can’t tell him anything. Luke changes his plan. -If you don’t tell me...- the tone remains threatening but is full of mischievous nuances. The hands begin to wander over the female body: starting from the neck, passing to the shoulders, along the back, up to stop right on the border. Taking her by the hips he forces her to be even more against him.
-You can’t oblige me!- shouts Penelope, trying at the same time to get free. -It is not among the actions authorized by your role.- but the voice already trembles, she falters and seems about to collapse.
He laughs. -Do you know how much I care about the protocol? You don’t understand? It's no longer just a job.- he seems too serious, with a determined expression that really scares her. -I want to know who has reduced you so- he emphasizes the fifth word very much -and slamming him in a fucking small jail.- maybe, if he were in a slightly more cheerful mood, he would. The big hands return to the face, but this time they leave various caresses that pass directly to her heart. -Penelope, please!- now he even seems to beg her. Yet she doesn’t yield. And in the end, he wins. Without saying a word, he leaves her there, where remains a few seconds, dazed, standing in the middle of the room. He goes to put in a corner and starting to consult documents and writing something on a sheet. He brought work from home.
She observes him secretly. The movement of his hands, the muscles concealed not too well from his shirt, the veins that dart when he is nervous or agitated, his forehead wrinkled while he thinks, his feet placed in a crossed position. That it's a handsome man, she doesn’t even need to say it. The problem (one of the problems) is that he is aware of it and uses it in his favor. How much would she want to sink her hands in his hair and pull him close, as they were a moment ago, even if it's wrong, it's not the right time. But she never wanted another man as much as she wants Luke. And she is reciprocated, this he has repeatedly shown it to her. If only she had let herself go for five minutes, she would at least find out how could it be kissed by him. His mouth was there, absolute temptation and it took all her willpower, not to give up. But now she curses herself.
Regret grows more and more, until it almost fades when he returns home.
LPLPLPLPLPLPLPLPLPLPLPLPLPLPLPLPLPLPLPLPL
He went so close. Needless to lie, not to himself. If she were even minimally showed in a more available way, at this time he would probably not be here, but he would have to call a baby sitter (his sister) because he would be engaged in a third or fourth round. Think of Penelope hurts. Physical, because he can’t have her, despite having seen in her eyes that she also wants it. And it couldn't be reduced to just the physical aspect, but he doesn’t want to investigate too deeply, he's already in the shit like that.
He is ended in the same mess, this time much more intensely. He is not a kid just out of the academy and convinced he is a super hero who has to save the world. Now he is an adult man, a father (or trying to be), this is not the first case with prostitutes as witnesses or victims, since Sheyla was killed, indeed; so why he can’t get her out his head? What has she than the others? It is not even his body type, or supposedly so: blond instead of brunette, shapely instead of slim.
But he would have given much more than his badge, just to kiss her at least once.
TAGS: @arses21434 @kathy5654 @martinab26 @reidskitty13 @jenf42 @gracieeelizabeth27 @silviajajaja @smalliemichelle99 @charchampagne14 @thinitta @myhollyhanna23 @garvezz @mercedes-maldonado @shyladystudentfan @cosmicmelaninflower @avengerquake123vanuusims @kiki-krakatoa @unlikelyfarmlamppurse @pegasus-scifichick
#garvez#criminal minds#cm#penelope garcia#luke alvez#derek morgan#BAU team#penelope x luke#luke x penelope#garcia x alvez#alvez x garcia
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LOADING INFORMATION ON POIZN’S MAIN VOCAL LEE HYUK
IDOL DETAILS
STAGENAME: n/a
CURRENT AGE: 25
DEBUT AGE: 19
TRAINEE SINCE AGE: 18
COMPANY: 99
SECONDARY SKILL: Acting
IDOL PROFILE
NICKNAMES: honey dripping eyes prince
SPECIAL TALENT:
Can cry on spot if requested.
Impersonates the legendary main vocal of gemini.
INSPIRATION: After singing in church, Hyuk found out his passion for making people smile with his voice. He became an idol so his voice could reach more people and move their hearts the way POWer did.
NOTABLE FACTS:
Started acting after staring in Heaven’s mv
Used to sing in his church’s choir
Has a dog named Trufles
IDOL GOALS
SHORT-TERM GOALS:
be the male lead in a successful drama
LONG-TERM GOALS:
as he gets farther and farther from his first passion, singing, hyuk wants to move completely into acting once his contract is over.
IDOL IMAGE
at first, he’s the bad boy with the heart of gold.
it’s an easy enough image to portray, because it’s the one closest to the truth. hyuk has the right type of face, the right type of snarl, the right way of working the camera. a well placed smirk, a scoff. years of growing rich with an asshole in the place of a father taught him enough of how to properly look like a jackass in a convincing way. but he also knows how to smile warmly, how to make whoever is looking at him at that very moment feel special, unique. the image works because the dichotomy is him, the way he feels inside. the disparity between his anger and his kindness, between his cynicism and his honest heart.
until the illusion is broken and the articles about him being a “delinquent” at school come out. his heart of gold breaks, and he’s just the bad boy. an asshole. that’s it. no nuance, nothing worth of being saved, or being fantasized about.
and it’s a punch to his gut because that’s exactly how hyuk feels. like a lie, like everything good about him it’s nothing but a façade. so he’s thrown to the curb, forgotten, just like his own group is.and it’s easy to forget him because hyuk almost forgets about himself too. now he’s just one more of the rotten members of poizn, a burden, an issue.
his father would agree.
and it stays like this until years later. his management allows him to act after years of an empty solo schedule, landing him a role that is exactly the same one he was given when he debuted. and it works. hyuk doesn’t even know how, but it does. the bad boy with a sad heart, the fallen angel. his appearance save him and he’s suddenly on the news again, not so much for his acting skills but mostly because of how he looks. there are articles about his honey-dripping eyes, about the way he looked in certain scenes. and suddenly people are calling him again, requesting him. and 99 entertainment is quick to capitalize on that.
they instruct him to be pleasant in variety shows, to be fun. they instruct him to flirt with the female guests but never go too far, respectfully. they want to cast him in more romantic dramas, to bring to poizn the kind of money and power only a strong fandom of girls can bring. and hyuk does it. does it because he’s desperate. does it because he’s good at it. does it because the only way he can get out is to play their game.
does it because he doesn’t have another choice.
IDOL HISTORY
chapter one, beginnings
he tries.
hyuk tries, hard. he tries hard to be the best son he can to a father who doesn’t deserve it. few father do, he learns later on. because most of them are too busy being fucking assholes than actual parents. but hyuk tries, anyway. his mother has died and his father raises him alone. that must count for something, right? it must.
so he tries. even if he goes home every day after school to eat dinner by himself, even when his father barely speaks to him. holidays are spent alone until he is old enough to go to his friends house, their parents kind and nice. hyuk wonders what’s it’s like. he wonders what he did wrong.
chapter two, origins
hyuk gets used to it.
he gets used to never seeing his father. he gets used to their huge house being always empty, he gets used to always having dinner all by himself. he gets used to his ways of coping - to the destructive rage that builds inside him like wildfire, to bloody knuckles that he hides so he won’t see them. hyuk gets used to living teenage years that will never amount to anything: girlfriends that come and go, friends that come and go. he gets used to spending idle time after school, getting into shit just because he doesn’t want to go home. hyuk gets used to everything.
he even gets used to the fact of knowing for a fact that he will never amount to anything. and it hurts at first, and then it doesn’t anymore. he laughs it off. what a cliché he has become. the sad rich boy. the motherless boy who turns to music to survive, who turns to violence to be able to feel anything at all. it’d be funny if this wasn’t his life.
chapter three, yearnings
hyuk craves for validation the way only a rejected kid does.
at the beginning of his high school life he ends up around the wrong sort of crowd. and it’s not that hyuk agrees with the shit his friends do, he simply goes along with it because he needs somewhere to belong. if he’s honest, he doesn’t like it. it’s not like him, not like his overall outside image that he so carefully builds. hyuk is a good boy, bright, beautiful. the golden boy with a golden voice, shining in school festivals, boosting with popularity. but he needs to be accepted. craves it. he already has an empty house, he doesn’t need another place to be ignored. so he goes along with it. he goes along when they bully the other kids, the weaker ones when they smoke behind the school building, when they smuggle drinks to their parties. he goes along when they find a target, press on, bully him for money, food. he goes along when they corner him in an alley street, easy laughter and jestering. he never does anything, he just watches.
until one day. until this one day when the boy spits back, swears at him. all of his friends look at him, waiting for hyuk to do something. he’s not supposed to take shit like this. he feels his throat going dry with fear, he feels his hands turning into fists with rage.
won’t you do anything, his friend says.
so he does.
red is all he sees. red on the boy’s face, red on his knuckles. his friends run and then his face is red with shame as he faces his father, red when the parents of the kid come after them. red on his eyes as he cries, red, red as he apologize.
and his father pays them off as he ways does. his father had bought his love for years and now he buys the kid’s silence. they won’t take him to the police, he leaves the situation unscarred. or something like that.
his father also buys the tickets for seoul. but he doesn’t take him to the airport.
chapter four, a monster under his bed
he arrives at his grandmother’s home with a lowered head and a mouth filled with apologies. his father thought it’d be best, to send him somewhere else, far away. his grandmother’s house in was the best option, of course it was. his grandmother is a strict woman, pious, made him go to church every sunday morning.
one must pray, she’d say. for your sins.
and hyuk has many.
hyuk wonders though what good can praying do. if it can make the dreams go away. he dreams of the boy, every night. in some nights he kills him, some nights he’s the one who kills hyuk. some nights it’s the very same thing as it were in real life, a morbid repetition. and it follows him for years to come, night after night, week after week. the years pass him by and even when the dreams start to fade they never truly leave. he’s always there like a ghost, a haunting of the monster he was. is. because the ire never leave him, never. he feels it and it aches, burns. like acid it gnaws his insides. but he keeps it, locks it. pretends he’s someone else in his new school, goes to church. he goes to fucking church.
he even starts singing again. he sings the hymns sunday after sunday, loses himself in the one thing he knows he does well. this one thing, his voice.
he wonders if he can be saved.
chapter five, absolution
he tries again.
at first, when the 99 entertainment scout approached him after a mass he doesn’t know what to say.
hyuk had never thought of what he’d do in the future. guilt is an all time consuming job and the future seemed like this blighted thing, hopeless. something he doesn’t deserve to aspire for. so at first he decides not to go to the audition, even throws the number of the woman who approached him in the trash. it’s his grandmother who tells him he should go.
if god gives you a gift you should use it.
so he does. and he passes the audition, hears that this is about his voice and his face. joins this company and starts from scratch on this thing everyone seems to do so well. hyuk’s dancing is barely passable, his singing and his face the only thing that keep the company interested. so hyuk dives in, tries his hardest. he doesn’t have any interest for school anymore, he goes only because he has to. he works so hard he doesn’t even have time to do anything else, arrives home only to throw himself on his bed, passes out from exhaustion. at least that works in keeping the dreams away.
chapter six, father
when he makes it, nine months after he started training, hyuk sends a message to his father. he just tells him good luck.
they barely speak after that.
chapter seven, ambers
debuting in poizn is crazy at first,, busy. their music style is not usually what he’d go for but he fits the image so well it almost feels like he chose it himself. and hyuk finds out he’s good at it. the way he looks gather attention, give him a spotlight he wasn’t expecting at first. so 99 pushes him. they shove him into variety shows, shove him in drama cameos, singing competitions. and of course hyuk starts to enjoy it, to like the stardom, the spotlight. he likes it because he’s good at it, likes it because he has forgotten what it’s like to not feel ashamed. to have people looking up to him and not down. he almost forgets he can be good at something.
he almost forgot he could be good.
chapter eight, ashes
when articles start spreading from old school mates about how he was a bully at school his company is quick at hiding everything, quick at pointing out the lack of proof. quick at bringing up old friends, old posts about how he was a nice kid. all lies and that’s the worst part. hyuk knows the truth. he knows and that is the worst part.
but even so the article takes its toll on his popularity. people are angry, many completely ignore his company’s words. he’s pulled from shows, pulled from the drama he was about to start shooting. and people notice it, the way even though 99 entertainment denied it they still pulled him out of things and it just made everything worse.
and that’s when the dreams come back.
chapter nine, burning.
there’s something wrong about him, everything he touches burns.
what is the opposite of the midas’ touch? whatever it is he feels like he’s been cursed with it. in the golden years of his debut he had almost felt like the complete reverse, like if he tried hard enough he could turn things to gold. illusions, hyuk now knows. he does.
and all the things he thought were over come back. the rage. destructive, all encompassing. he feels angry all the time. angry at his boredom, angry at the world. angry at being in a group that spends more time in the training room than actually performing. angry at his company, at his choices. angry at his father who only talks to him to remember him of who he used to be.
hyuk never believed in second chances anyway. why would he have one? him of all people? him and all his sins? he had his chance and he blew it, ruined it.
it’s done.
chapter ten, alive
when they allow him to act again hyuk almost doesn’t believe it. it’s been years since his scandal and they decide he should try again. his image is not as bad as it used to be, even though every time any article about him come out there are still people throwing the iljin word. he’s still called trash, rotten. still asked why he’s still in poizn. but that’s not surprising. it’s been years, but the public is not that forgiving.
but he accepts the offer, puts himself in public eye again. and it works.
he almost doesn’t know but it does.
it feels almost weird. being cast again, receiving calls. a song that finally, finally reaches the number one spot. hyuk never believed in second chances, but it almost feels like he’s finally getting his.
the thing is:
he doesn’t feel like he deserve it.
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