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random-iz-stuff · 2 years

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My thoughts on ZADR:

I’m completely neutral on it. I don’t hate it, I don’t mind seeing it, but I also don’t actively ship it (although this is mostly because I like the idea of Zim being aroace and not because I dislike the ship itself). And here’s why.

DISCLAIMER! VERY BIG DISCLAIMER!

I am not a proshiper. If you ship pedophilic or incestuous shit, you will get no defence here. Get lost and don’t come back. I’ve seen enough shit in other fandoms already.

I’m saying this because ZADR is believed by many to be a proship, which is why many people dislike it. When in reality, ZADR isn’t a proship and I explain why in this post.

I just wanted to say this to reiterate that I am not a proshiper, nor do I condone proshiping. I’m constantly paranoid about people getting the wrong idea or misinterpreting me and really want to avoid that. I’m not looking for drama or a fight. That being said, if you ship pedophilic stuff, incestuous stuff, beastiality or any of that horrible stuff, get the fuck off my blog. You aren’t welcome here.

DISCLAIMER OVER!

Now onto why ZADR (and other ships involving irkens) isn’t a proship or anything really worth throwing a fit over.

Dib is canonically 12 years old. That’s a fact. But the thing is, while Dib has a canonical age, Zim doesn’t, and never will. Zim’s age is up to viewer interpretation.

Zim’s age, despite what many people believe, isn’t set in stone.

Zim’s age was never mentioned in canon. In fact, not a single irken has ever had their age revealed.

The wiki seems to have pulled the “Zim is 160 in human years and 16 in irken years” fact out of its ass because I can’t find a source for it anywhere, plus the wiki has a tendency to make stuff up and present it as fact with no evidence. So it isn’t a reliable source of information in any way.

Jhonen has stated Zim’s age three different times (that I know of), and he’s changed his answer every time, calling Zim a child, an adult and a teenager. So he obviously doesn’t have a clue of what Zim’s age is and most likely never really meant to give Zim a canonical age in the first place when he created the show. So not even the creator of the show himself is a reliable source of information when it comes to Zim’s age.

Although Zim’s age is never explicitly mentioned, we get some possible small hints in canon. HOWEVER, these hints all contradict each other and can go either way in proving that Zim is a child or an adult.

Zim could be an adult because he has a high ranking military job that seems impossible for a child to achieve (an invader, at least before his first banishment) plus he worked as a scientist before, so he’s held multiple adult jobs. He also seems to be the same height as other (presumably) adult irkens. He also has a long history involving his scientist job, his joining of the military and his entire work up the military hierarchy to become an invader, plus his banishment to Foodcourtia, which probably all happened over a long course of time. He’s also allowed to pilot a ship and other various vehicles, which, assuming that irkens follow the same sort of rules for ships as we do for cars, shouldn’t be given to children. It’s also revealed in The Trial that irkens can live for several centuries.

But on the other hand, Zim could very easily be a child or a teenager because the empire may use child soldiers, which does have some possible evidence like Smeets graduating at the age of 10, irken military equipment seeming similar to video games and the fact that the irken empire is a power hungry dictatorship. It would also explain why Zim chose to infiltrate Earth by posing as a human child attending a human school, along with the immaturity and pettiness that Zim shows throughout the series. Not to mention the fact that Zim is directly implied to be particularly young by irken standards, with the Tallest mentioning in The Trial that Zim is supposed to have a trial in several centuries, but they chose to force it to happen now, implying that Zim hasn’t hit the age where a trial usually happens, which is presumably adulthood or later. Zim being a child or a teenager also explains why the Tallest are so immature, as they are the same age as Zim, so if he’s not an adult but is instead a child/teenager, the Tallest are as well.

So the evidence goes both ways. Zim’s age is entirely up to viewer interpretation. If you believe that Zim is an adult, he’s an adult. If you believe that he’s a child, he’s a child. If you believe that he’s a teenager, he’s a teenager. Zim’s age is a literal question mark, and unless new, official content is released that explicitly confirms Zim’s age, that’s not going to change. As mentioned before, Jhonen Vazquez, despite being the creator of the show, isn’t a reliable source because he’s contradicted himself at least three times now and doesn’t seem to have given Zim (or any irken for that matter) a canonical age in the first place.

And going by those rules when you look at ZADR, you quickly realize that the entire dynamic of ZADR and every other ship involving irkens in any way also depends entirely on viewer interpretation. If you interpret Zim as being a child that’s a similar age to Dib, he’s a child that’s a similar age to Dib. If you interpret Zim as being an adult, he’s an adult. Zim’s age is a blank space that you can fill out however you want.

ZADR is only a pedophilic proship between a child and an adult if you believe that it is a ship between a child and an adult and/or you actively make it that way when making the content, because Zim’s age is whatever you say it is. A random number generator could be used to decide Zim’s age and it would be equally canon as everyone else’s opinions regarding Zim’s age, including the words of Jhonen himself.

So long story short, ZADR isn’t a problematic ship unless you make it a problematic ship or it is explicitly mentioned to be a problematic ship in whatever work of fiction you’re seeing it in. So just don’t make a big deal of it and ignore it if you don’t like it.

#invader zim #ZaDR #I’m making this post because every time the invader Zim fandom gains a bunch of new members #they almost immediately declare ZaDr a proship and start getting into fights with older members #and I’m tired of seeing it happen again and again #Zadr is only a proship if you decide that it is a proship #it’s Schrodinger’s proship #this is what happens when characters are not given canonical ages and are implied to be children and adults simultaneously #it is left up to viewer interpretation to decide because there is no canonical answer #this is coming from a person that doesn’t care in the slightest about shipping in any way so you know it’s genuine #I am panicking over posting this because I’m scared of sharing my opinion online #especially something like this because this kind of stuff is how flame wars happen #do people even use the phrase ‘’flame war’’ anymore or am I using that completely wrong?

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aseriesofunfortunatejan · 10 months

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I honestly don't know how to preface this or what I'm going to say at all... but I am known to be a citizen of France, and you may have heard that we're facing a bit of a Situation at the moment.

I can't really explain everything right now, I wouldn't know how to go about it and it is unfortunately my bed time. Please try to learn about the situation from other sources and give it the respect it deserves.

The short of it: a cop shot a kid.

Nahel was 17 years old. Though the cop first claimed he acted in self-defence (and the media ran with it immediately - a mix of the horror that is the quest of a constant stream of live news, and the media's willingness to defend the police force) there was video evidence of him threatening Nahel with a gun alongside a colleague, being in no danger whatsoever. This was a racist crime.

Racism, notably racism towards Arabic people, is rampant in France. Police violence has also been rampant since Macron was first elected.

This has led to an outcry notably from teenagers - some very young - who live in impoverished areas. On top of many other protests, there have been many reports of violent degradations in the streets. Lots of fires. Many stores broken into and ransacked. The situation is very messy, with local populations unfortunately being the first victims of these acts of violence - most notably because our recent protests (due to Macron's government abusing Article 49.3 yet again to force a retirement law the majority of the population was against) brought light (...yet again, but in this case, very recently) to the fact that our government literally does not give a shit about protests or what happens in the streets.

The biggest problem here, however, is that those degradations are extremely over-represented by the media, while the ongoing acts of police violence... simply aren't. You have to be involved, know an organisation that's in the know, or generally be involved in leftist political spaces at least online to be aware of it. Over 3 times the amount of cops that was sent to repress the recent protests about the retirement law is currently being sent to go after minors in the streets. Cops have been reported to use lethal weapons. Portrayed below: witnesses in Marseille state that a random young individual who wasn't doing anything wrong was beaten by at least 5 cops. Video evidence shows him on the ground, unconscious, abandoned.

From a compilation by Révolution Permanente. Translations by yours truly.

And this is just a random example. Young people, most of them minors are being arrested en masse, a lot of them at random. As was already the case during our recent protests, but is worsened by the fact that our police is deeply racist, living conditions in police custody are indescribably bad. Lawyers in Paris allege that they were not let in at first (supposedly to "protect them") and as such, many minors were left in police custody for 24 hours without being able to speak to a lawyer, despite many of them having a clean record. Due to requests from our minister of justice, those who are put on trial are given much harsher sentences than they would have been for the same offenses under other circumstances - many minors are being given prison sentences. Witnesses allege that defendants are being judged unfairly, punished without sufficient proof, and given harsher sentences by Judges than were requested by the prosecution.

What Macron wants and has always put in action is for France to be a police state. He encourages police violence, gives more power to the police, and ignores protests until they go away. He has done it many times. During our recent protests, members of the government themselves stated that they were simply waiting for the population to get tired. It's worked before with the gilets jaunes protests.

And the propaganda, with help from unfair representations of what is happening in the streets by the media, is working. A GoFundMe was started by a member of the French alt-right to support the ("family of the") cop who killed Nahel and currently has over 1 million euros in donations. (GoFundMe has stated that this fundraiser does not go against their ToS - though from reading their ToS, by being in support of a criminal act, abuse of power and discrimination, it... should.) The fundraiser for Nahel's mother, who just lost her 17 years old son, only has a little over 300 000€ right now. I have no words for how I feel about how deeply racist our population is... how comfortable people are in spreading copaganda and racist rhetoric online... but one thing is for sure: if anyone needed any help, the propaganda is everywhere, and it's working.

(Edit: One last note. Just two weeks ago, a 19 year old black man was shot in extremely similar circumstances. Until protests started following Nahel's death, it wasn't covered by the media. No one heard about it.)

#france #police violence #tagging because i ended up writing a lot

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macbooth · 1 year

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Instead of learning my lines please enjoy a short list of insults Moth LovesLaboursLost spouts ranked from most to least warranted

(source: I’m currently playing Moth and these are the lines I’m not learning. also, some insults may be missed - this is because they were cut from my production cause half of what Armado and Moth say in the original text is just kinda bullshit)

(this is also just entirely for myself and will be incoherent to everyone else)

12. (most) ”They have been at a great feast of languages and stolen the scraps.”

Banger line. Also Holofernes, Armado, and Nathaniel all do just say words cause they think they sound smart. This was very warranted.

11. “Thrice worthy gentleman!” (derogatory)

Holofernes was being a prick giving Moth a non-speaking walk on role and then giving himself Three Whole Roles in the play within a play. This was very warranted.

10. “You must send the ass upon the horse for he is very slow-gaited.”

Calling Armado an idiot and also an ass. Even without him having not gotten most of Moth’s very good jokes up until now this would always be appropriate. This was very warranted.

9. “Offered by a child to an old man; which is wit-old.”

More making fun of Holofernes and Armado. Leaning on the ageist side but they were being cunts and unfunny cunts at that. This was quite warranted.

8. (”A most fine figure!”) “To prove you a cipher.”

Moth was basically doing Armado’s job for him and also smarter. Bit mean to say that you make him entirely pointless just cause he’s a bit dumb though. I mean, they do, but you don’t always have to say it. This was quite warranted.

7. “Most silly sheep with a horn.”

I will always support making fun of stuffy old professors that take themselves too seriously. Holds the same energy as that video of Richard Ayoade and Noel Fielding making your mum jokes. This was quite warranted.

6. “Lend me your horn to make one and I will whip about your infamy: a gig of a cuckold’s horn.”

Part two of the silly sheep one. This time it’s more theatrical though which does inherently make Moth a bit more of a kickable child. Once again though, Holofernes is a prick so... This was kinda warranted.

5. (”She deserves well.”) “To be whipped; and yet a better love than my master.”

Jaquenetta doesn’t deserve to be insulted. However this one is a double whammy and Moth is absolutely correct that she deserves someone better than Armado who is, as we have established, an idiot. This was kinda warranted.

4. (”I am all these three!”) “And three times as much more, and yet nothing at all.”

Man, Moth, Armado’s agreeing with you. You don’t gotta be a little shit about it... like you’re right but god, dude. Chill out for a second. This was kinda warranted.

3. “And that’s a great marvel, loving a light wench.”

Jaquenetta still doesn’t deserve to be insulted. She’s my babygirl. She does sleep around but that’s not your problem, Moth, you’re like 5. This was not warranted.

2. “I will praise an eel with the same praise.”

Just accept the compliment you kickable child. Armado’s calling you quick witted, don’t be a cunt. This was not warranted.

1. (least) “The hobby-horse is but a colt, and your love perhaps a hackney.”

What the fuck bro. This was absolutely not warranted.

Thank you for coming to my Jaquenetta defence post. <3

#love's labour's lost #shakespeare #once again this is like. all to get my thoughts out of my brain #if it makes sense to anyone else yippee!! but i dont know if i expect it to

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outfitandtrend · 2 years

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[ad_1] Online nutrition coach Max Lugavere has warned his followers not to use antiseptic mouthwash. He claims it destroys bacteria in your mouth that are crucial for insulin signalling and keeping your blood pressure in check.Longevity, nutrition, brain health and performance guru Max Lugavere has taken to social media with a warning. Lugavere, who is a New York Times best selling author (and has a background as a science journalist), says that antiseptic mouth wash is best chucked in the bin, rather than used. He told his 502k followers: “Antiseptic mouthwash destroys oral bacteria that are essential for insulin signaling and keeping your blood pressure healthy.”“Don’t use it! (Or at least do so infrequently).”Max Lugavere This was accompanied by a cheeky video in which Lugavere claims to show how to use mouth wash, before simply pouring some down the sink and throwing the rest of the bottle in the bin (see below). Instagram user @caromeloalzua commented on the post, “As a dentist, THANK YOU.” Another Instagram user, @drsdestefanoraziano, wrote: “I agree! Just brush and floss well! And I’m a Dentist!” Another social media user wrote: “Woah. Shit lol it’s my nightly routine!!” Yet another said: “But my breath stinks.” Lugavere isn’t the only one to be sceptical about mouth wash. As one Quora user wrote a number of years ago (which Forbes shared in 2018): “Any mouthwash that claims to be ‘antiseptic’ or ‘anti-bacterial’ is a bad idea.” “Assuming it really does kill bacteria, it kills them indiscriminately. Only a few of the bacteria in your mouth are harmful (i.e., cause illness or cavities). The rest are part of the environment you are evolved to live in and form part of your body’s first line of defence against pathogens.” “If you kill all the bacteria in your mouth, you are leaving a hole in your immunity that something else can come along and fill. There are times when this is worth it—say when disinfecting a wound, but as a part of daily hygiene, it’s not the best idea.” The same Quora user added: “There is no medical reason for most people to use mouthwash. Most people do so because they think it will improve their breath, however, if your have bad breath that doesn’t resolve with brushing and flossing, mouthwash it like spraying perfume in a stinky bathroom—you need instead to solve the problem.”“For many, that’s cryptic tonsils, incompletely closed wisdom tooth extraction pits, or some underlying disease or infection.”Healthline, meanwhile, says, “mouthwash isn’t bad for you, per se.” Healthline says that mouth wash can freshen your breath and treat halitosis, reduce your risk of gum disease, reduce plaque build up to prevent cavities and make your teeth look visibly whiter. That said, Healthline also states that mouth wash may cause or irritate canker sores, cause a dry mouth, cause burning or pain when you use it, remove your healthy oral microbiome and (again, may) be linked with increased cancer risk. There you have it. Time to get brushing. Read Next [ad_2] Source link

#FASHIONFORMEN

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lynkhart · 3 years

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MAJOR spoilers for the C2 finale of Critical Role so read at your own risk of you haven’t caught up!

I have so many feelings regarding Caleb and Essek’s intertwining character arcs I needed to explore, so strap in folks, you’re in for a bit of a ride! (But seriously though, this is like 4000 words long, I basically wrote an essay 😂)

At the start of the campaign, Caleb Widogast was dripping in guilt and self loathing and refused to believe he could ever absolve himself of his sins. Essek Thelyss was a cold, aloof individual who betrayed his people for selfish goals, and their differing yet mirrored narratives have been an absolute delight to watch unfold.

In the beginning Caleb truly hated himself. He shot down any attempt at a compliment, described himself as a ‘disgusting person’, outright rejected the idea that he was worthy of love, and never let the blame shift from him for what he’d done. When Beauregard and Veth/Nott pointed out that he was coerced and manipulated into killing his parents, he reacts in an incredibly visceral way, and I’ve seen several comments likening it to a victim of child abuse who was groomed into believing they were as responsible as their abuser, and I think that’s exactly how it was meant to be read. He doesn’t see himself as a victim, only a murderer, and punishes himself for it every day. We see this in the way he presents himself, dirty and unkempt because in his mind he doesn’t deserve to feel good about himself in any way. Other than Nott/Veth and Beau to a certain degree, he purposefully isolates himself from the rest of the group and it’s a long time until he feels relaxed enough in their company to drop his defences a little.

(Speaking from a purely meta point of view, Liam did an absolutely phenomenal job of showing this through body language and I’d love to see someone do a compilation video of it. He starts off very hunched and guarded, leaning his body away from the closest person to him and avoiding eye contact and physical touch; but by the end stands tall and sure of himself.)

Early on there were a few moments where he had the option to do some pretty dark shit, and I’m sure there’s a possible timeline where he gave into his desire for revenge and really lost his way, but I’m glad he stuck it out and worked through his trauma in the way he did. His PTSD and disassociation when casting with fire was tragic, but over time he was able to work through it thanks to the constant love and support of his friends who kept him from going off at the deep end.

Molly’s death was the catalyst for change in a lot of the party, and Caleb is no exception. On the verge of leaving the group prior to his death, the grief they shared, combined with their frantic attempt to rescue the other half of their party put things in perspective and gradually he learned how to be a person again, to care.

Altering time to save his family had been Caleb’s only goal in life, and so when Essek and by extension, dunamancy was introduced, you could see his eyes light up at the possibilities.

A huge turning point for him is aligned so closely with Essek’s redemption arc which feels quite apt I think. When Essek confesses to his crimes, Caleb delivers a beautifully iconic piece of dialogue where he acknowledges their similarities and how much he himself has changed as a person since meeting the Mighty Nein. (Source - CR wiki)

‘You listen to me. I know what you are talking about. I know. And the difference between you and I is thinner than a razor. I know what it means to have other people complicate your desires and wishes. And I was like you. Was. I know what a fool I have been for years. You didn't account for us. Good. That is life. Shit hits you sideways in life and no one is prepared. No one is ready. These people changed me. These people can change you. You were not born with venom in your veins. You learned it. You learned it. You have a rare opportunity here, Thelyss. One chance to save yourself, and we are offering it.’

This is not the same Caleb we met back in the Nestled Nook inn way back in the first episode. While not yet fulfilled or entirely convinced of his own worth, he knows he’s on the right path. That alone is progress enough, but that he uses his own experiences to help another escape those same chains of guilt says such a lot for his development. When he tells Essek that his ‘venom’ was learned, he’s also talking about himself and his own history of being manipulated and gaslit, with the implication being that it can be un-learned just as efficiently.

Caleb Widogast is selfish no more, or at the very least, doesn’t let his goals undermine anyone else’s anymore. Contrary to what he himself might still think, he is in no way a bad person. He loves fiercely and cannot abide seeing those he cares about in pain.

Early game Essek is what Caleb could have been if he’d rejected his friends and focused solely on his own selfish goal to undo his mistakes. Both are impassive at first and see the Mighty Nein as means to an end...until they get to know them and then their fate is sealed. The Power of Friendship wins once again!

At the beginning Caleb said he wanted to ‘bend reality to my will’ (sic) and in the end he does just that, though not in the way he originally intended. Destroying the T-Dock, and by extension the one thing he’d been building towards from the start, the chance to go back and change time, for me personally was the absolute peak of his journey. I rewatched the scene where Caleb revealed the truth about his parents death today, and it was really jarring to see just how far he’d come since then. It made me oddly proud actually.

I always felt like his plan to save his parents was the one thing holding him back from truly accepting their deaths, which is why the final scene of him in the cemetery with the letters for them hit so hard. He never truly gave up hope that they’d be reunited, but ultimately he realised he was merely postponing the inevitable and never allowing himself to live his own life. While time travel shenanigans would have been incredibly interesting to explore in game, choosing to let the past lie and not go back for them finally allows him to grieve and move on, and perhaps most importantly of all, to forgive himself at last.

I know some people were annoyed by Caleb’s decision in the finale to spend the rest of his life teaching rather than continuing to adventure, but I see it as the natural conclusion to his whole arc and his own personal victory.

He looked Trent Ikithon in the eyes, a man who he’d spent years wanting to kill and run from in equal measure, stripped him of his power and his voice (and ultimately his ability to harm anyone else) and finally spared his life so he had to live with the indignity of his defeat for the rest of his miserable existence. You couldn’t have asked for a more damning rejection of everything he’d been brainwashed into believing as a child. His dismissal of Trent’s position in the Assembly played into that as well. He never really wanted power for the sake of it; he had no desire for politics, he just wanted his family back, and while he didn’t get the one he started with, he made a new one for himself in the end.

As Caduceus once very wisely said:

‘Pain doesn’t make people; it's love that makes people. The pain is inconsequential; it's love that saves them.’

Caleb gets to break the cycle of abuse and teach a new generation of mages the way he should have been, with kindness and respect, and I’m pretty sure he’d have introduced a handsome drow as a guest lecturer from time to time. 😉

Speaking of...

Essek described himself as selfish and as a coward, forever putting his own wants and desires first, yet over the course of his journey with the Nein we see his priorities change drastically.

Having friends gives him people to care about, something he’s never had before, and it changes his outlook on life completely. For me, the first time we really see this is when he joins them for dinner in the Xorhaus and stops levitating. It’s a subtle thing, but meaningful. He explains that it had become an expectation of him, a quirk he’s known for, and so to feel comfortable enough around the Nein to drop that pretence is quite bold I think.

Much later, when he chooses to destroy the mini beacon they discover in Aeor in order to give everyone a long rest before the final confrontation with Lucian, he’s essentially giving up everything he betrayed his people for, just to keep his friends safe. The existence and context of that single artefact could have had an earthshattering impact on the Dynasty’s entire culture, forcing them to reevaluate their entire belief system and attitude to the Luxon, something he’d wanted from the start, something he helped start a war for, but he offered it up as a sacrifice without a second thought.

I’d say that’s a pretty big morality shift, and I’m super interested to see if Matt reveals if his alignment changed in the post campaign Q&A. I have a feeling he set him up as a potential BBEG but the party was like ‘no, you can’t have him, he’s ours now’ and that was the end of that. 😂

I think it says so much about the other characters too, that they befriended this person they barely knew, and when he was revealed to have done such terrible things, their first reaction was to give him comfort and an opportunity to atone. Jester held his hand while he confessed, and afterwards, while they didn’t immediately forgive him, they saw the good in him and wanted him to be better, which ultimately feels like what the entire campaign was about, leaving places (and people) better than they found them. It’s obvious that he’s never really had many friends before and has therefore never had the opportunity to be emotionally open with anyone, so seeing him gradually warm up to the Nein and allow himself to soften around them was really lovely to watch.

(Obviously, from a realistic moral perspective, he still fucked up big time. He’s still a godsdamned war criminal and really should have been put on trial for what he did, but I think from a narrative and personal point of view, his redemption arc was far more satisfying, so I’m glad it happened the way it did. (And not to derail but the rest of the gang have done some pretty horrific stuff as well, though perhaps not quite on the same scale)

He has a few moments towards the end that I absolutely love because they show that beneath the guilt and anguish, there’s an incredibly sweet and sensitive soul in there, just wanting acceptance. His dry jokes which often don’t quite hit, (the ‘I will punish the bakery’ line is such an under-appreciated one 😂) his simple joy at learning to garden in the Blooming Grove, and realising that he’d never been asked what his favourite food was before was actually kind of heartbreaking, because it highlighted how lonely his life must have been until that time. There was a moment pretty early on I think when he cast disguise on the party and Jester asked if he could cast it again to change the look of her outfit a bit and while he seemed to find it amusing, he refused, not wanting to waste a spell on such a frivolous request. Cut to their time in Aeor where he burns a fly spell just so he and Caleb can flirtatiously swoop around each other for a couple of minutes, all the while trying to beat Lucian to the city.

His breakdown when Molly’s resurrection failed really cemented to me how much he’d grown as a character. He never met Molly, his only knowledge of him was secondhand, through the eyes of his friends, but seeing it fail just broke him because he knew how much it hurt them to go through it all over again.

His comment to Caleb about not admitting defeat and wishing he could do more did get me wondering at the time if he was going to try and do something crazy, perhaps sacrificing himself via the Temporal Dock to make amends or somehow forcing another reroll, but I’m glad he didn’t. The conversation following that with Fjord was one of my favourites- he shows him acceptance and belief in his potential for the future, something he’s lacked for a long time, and when Caleb bluntly affirms afterwards that he is indeed an official member of the Mighty Nein, it’s the start of the rest of his life, and something he’s exceptionally grateful for.

It all leads to that final moment in Aeor with Caleb, when, presented with the opportunity to alter time and undo everything, he chooses to accept his decisions and carry the weight of his sins for the rest of his long life. That’s...huge.

He’s essentially choosing to live the rest of his existence as a fugitive, forever on the run, with no guaranteed peace or safety. He chooses to spend his life making up for his deeds, rather than looking for an easy way out.

I think that may have had a big impact on why Caleb ultimately made the same decision, as if Essek had been up for altering his timeline I think he’d have struggled to resist it himself. The conversation they had earlier in Aeor about their priorities and resisting temptation really comes to mind as well.

Now, to the relationship.

It was subtle, and not as ‘in your face’ obvious as the other characters, but I’ve been watching and hoping for a long time and I must say, it feels good to be vindicated.

(And if you have any doubt, both Matt and Liam confirmed on Twitter that their post finale relationship was 100% romantic)

I’d been hoping that Shadowgast would be a canon endgame relationship for a while, so the finale, and the aforementioned T-Dock scene in particular had me quite literally shaking with emotion as I watched live. Here you have two men, both damaged and guilt-stricken in their own ways, who find in each other a kindred spirit and a path to redemption.

They’re both very guarded and closed off people, but Essek in particular has a definite shift in the last arc of the campaign especially when it came to his interactions with Caleb. At the start he was quite aloof and stoic, though charming, and they had an instant connection through their shared love of the arcane, (anyone who couldn’t see them making heart eyes at each other when Essek was describing the different types of magic he could teach Caleb was clearly blind) but by the end he was incredibly open to showing his vulnerabilities and that takes a lot, especially for someone whose primary focus was to stay in control of every aspect of his life. The ‘Caleb, I’m scared’ moment during the Trent fight in particular made my heart ache.

No, we didn’t get a dramatic declaration of love or a cinematic mid-battle kiss, but I’d argue that their relationship was just as, if not more intimate than any of the other main characters were. They understood each other in a way the others didn’t, their shared guilt, feelings of inadequacy and their obsession with magic forged a deep connection from the get-go. Neither of them are big fans of PDA I think, though Caleb is tactile as hell (forehead touches and kisses, oh man, I’m so weak for those 😩👌) and some of their most iconic moments have them putting themselves in harm’s way to protect the other. Essek shaking off his forced guilt trip immediately after the now infamous forehead touch in ep140 was beautifully poetic, as was using his fortune’s favour to pull Caleb out of the rubble moments before. Caleb trying to include him in his Sphere of Invulnerability in the finale and Essek staying close to him the whole fight despite being obviously terrified of Trent was the icing on the cake. It’s clear that they care for each other a great deal; whether by the finale they’d consider it love is up for debate, but we know that’s eventually where it ended up and honestly, I love that. I deeply appreciated the fact Matt and Liam both emphasised that they took their time with their relationship, letting each other heal in their own way before they took the next step. All too often in media, and real life too sadly, a romantic relationship is seen as some kind of quick fix, and that a lover will somehow complete you or make all your problems vanish. They knew this wasn’t the case here, and that made it all the better.

While I would have *loved* to have seen them together as a couple right to the very end, the change in their relationship felt right, if bittersweet. I doubt they ever stopped loving each other, and if anything, choosing to shift to a deep and lifelong friendship over a romance that would cause them both so much pain is one of the kindest things you could do for someone you love. After all, friendship isn’t a downgrade, just another way of experiencing that same love, and it wasn’t as though they broke up and never saw each other again, it was pretty strongly implied that they remained a major feature in each other’s lives, they just changed their label slightly. Caleb would hate to have forced Essek to watch him wither away, and although his eventual passing would hurt Essek regardless, incompatible lifespans being what they are, having a period of time to adjust to it, to give them a buffer between the inevitable heartbreak was actually really sweet.

Their romance was no accident, they knew going in that it had a time limit, that it wasn’t going to be forever for one of them, and the fact they did it anyway says so much. They began their adventure wholeheartedly believing that they were both, in their own way incapable of love, only to later find it with each other. Whether their relationship lasted for a couple of years or multiple decades is irrelevant, what matters is that while it did they had a happy and fulfilled life together.

I know some folk wanted Caleb to use the transmogrification spell on himself so he could live on with Essek as another elf, or make him human instead, but that would have been way out of character for both I think. If they could have backwards engineered one of the rejuvenation stations in Aeor and used it to extend Caleb’s life by a hundred years or so, so he’d have a similar lifespan to Veth, now, I could have seen him possibly doing that, so he could spend more time with his best friend too, but nothing further I think. He longed to be reunited with his parents too much to postpone death unnaturally like that.

That both Caleb and Essek ultimately chose to live with their mistakes and make peace with themselves was incredibly cathartic, and I couldn’t imagine it playing out any better.

The fact Matt has explicitly stated Essek is Demi too means so much to me personally because the latter is a label I’ve been identifying with a lot recently, and it’s so rare for aspec relationships to get any representation! It has honestly given me a lot to think about over the last few days, and I really appreciate it.

To conclude, here’s a bit of shameless self promotion. I wrote this after watching the finale and honestly feel like it sums up my feelings on the nature of their relationship pretty well.

‘A casual hand on a shoulder, a waist, a wrist; a gentle kiss placed on a forehead is common between them now, an intimacy born of trust and mutual affection. Over time it grows, like a fire born of seasoned timber; gradual and steady, no spluttering kindling that flares and sparks, but a slow burn, one which lasts.

Their love is embroidered into every aspect of their lives together. Acts of service, of comfort, of understanding.

Sometimes a kiss leads to more than a kiss, sometimes it doesn’t. Either way they are content.‘

So yeah, I love these two wizard boys so very much and I couldn’t be happier with the conclusion of their stories. ❤️

#Critical Role #Critical Role Spoilers #CR Spoilers #shadowgast #Essek thelyss #Caleb Widogast #C2ep141 #C2ep141 spoilers #critical role finale

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scavengedluxury · 3 years

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The police have been desperate to build a narrative of valiant officers defending Bristol from dangerous thugs, but the truth is very different, and they have started to trip over their own lies.

In our report of Bristol's first #KillTheBill protest we spoke about how the police lie in order to build a false narrative. We described how the corporate media facilitates this by printing their lies as undisputed fact, and how the police's cheerleaders both professional and amateur will take these lies and run with them. The past week has proven us right. Here is a run down of just a some of the lies police and their supporters have been caught out on.

7. Protesters Attacked The Cars Of Bystanders & Other Emergency Workers This was an early quote put out to portray the protesters as hell bent on mindless destruction. Reports were that vehicles that had nothing to do with the police, and were just unfortunate enough to be in a neighbouring multi-storey car park had their windscreens smashed. In later media coverage the police admitted these were unmarked police cars, the video footage shows that this was made clear by the ‘reserved for police use’ parking bays.

6. My Poor Bones! Following a police statement this story was repeated everywhere. The police said, as if a confirmed fact, that one officer had a broken arm, and another a punctured lung. Other people would elaborate further, the punctured lung was due to a police officer being knocked to the ground and repeatedly stamped on was a common story. Can you imagine who could possibly attack someone already on the ground like that? Suspicious at the number of alleged ‘injuries’ the police had suffered, activists submitted a Freedom of Information request for details on them. Shortly after this Avon & Somerset Police quietly retracted the claim, and confirming no bones were broken or lungs punctured. It was only after a lot of noise on social media, and articles in the radical press, that some mainstream outlets reported this change in story. Many original articles quoting it as fact remain online and unchanged.

5. Protesters Are Responsible For Hurting Horses And Dogs If someone told me there was a riot, and I said ‘ok, I’ll bring my dog’, and then I took my dog to a riot; I would be rightly accused of animal abuse. Yet for some reason the police expect a free pass. Let’s get one thing straight, the police don’t bring animals to protests because they love and value them. They bring them because they view them as weapons and want to use them to hurt people. At all three protests this week, police repeatedly deployed dogs and horses for hours, without caring about the risks. Luckily they also reported none were hurt. The most violence we saw towards the dogs was officers dragging them by the collar to keep them away from dropped food. Yes animals are spooked by fireworks, but better spooked and taken away than kept on the front lines as a risk to themselves and others.

4. The Protesters Struck First! An important part of any narrative, as any Star Wars fan will tell you, is who struck first. This is because few people would randomly hit someone in the street, but many of us would hit back in self defence. Early police statements in the press on Sunday night said that officers had ‘stood back’ until a police van was set on fire. These were clearly fabrications right from the start. There was footage of the police using batons to strike protesters whilst it was still day light, where as the burning van was pictured after dusk. In even clearer evidence there was footage of police hitting protesters next to the van that would later be burned, while it was very much not on fire.

3. They Made Us Do It In an echo of the language of abusers the world over, the cops insisted that they were ‘forced’ to violently attack the protest. According to them nothing else would work, as the crowd was so volatile, dangerous and aggressive. Even if the police had ‘started it’ (which they would never admit) they insisted it only escalated due to protesters. Were that true then, the expectation would be that a crowd that remained passive and peaceful would have been treated with a far lighter touch. Tuesday proved this to be yet another lie. Hours of people being hit by batons , horse charges, dog attacks, and people dragged by their hair. All whilst the most violent resistance put up was the laying of daffodils.

2. If You Don’t Do Anything Wrong, You Have Nothing To Fear A statement older than policing itself. The people who are attacked are, if not ‘yobs’ or ‘thugs’ at the very least ‘trouble makers’ and ‘criminals’. No Law abiding citizen need fear police violence. Well unless they decide something currently legal, such as protest, is a crime. So, then the police used violence on law abiding citizens. In chilling scenes on Tuesday they assaulted two journalists from The Cable, despite them showing press passes. They then detained the editor of Bristol 24/7, only releasing him thanks to the support of a near by photo journalist. On Friday they attacked a reporter from The Mirror, and ‘confronted’ a photographer. A short time after they arrested a ‘citizen journalist’ who had been streaming the protest on YouTube, first coaxing him over for a chat before grabbing him. They didn’t stop at journalists either, they attacked medics and the people they were treating, forcing them to relocate repeatedly.

1. I’m A Postman Yes, you read that right. We’ll let the victim of this particular incident speak for themselves by quoting from their social media post, which we have independent confirmation of. “This morning… I got out under arrest and handcuffed by 5 undercover police who barged into the house no masks initially claiming to my flatmate I needed to sign for a parcel (dressed as a postman) but followed her up yo my room. They told me I had been disorderly / violent which I knew I hadn’t. I was partially undressed and they were all big men and they wouldn’t let me call anyone and told my housemate to go to her room whole I was having actual panic attack and shrieking. They told me I was going to be out in a cell at keynsham police station but they needed to get a female officer over to help me dress first. I was clearly so distressed and confused BC I wasn’t even where they had placed me. Eventually they brought up a photo of a girl who clearly wasn’t me and then eventually dropped the arrest and left me but its so incompetent they could mistake me for this girl and actually get a warrant for my arrest when they can’t even catch real criminals My mental health has been pretty shit lately, especially anxiety so now this has happened and the police are responsible through treating me like a criminal and giving me no respect when I wasn’t even the person in their photo.So no I don’t have faith in the police or British justice system“

These are just the most easily provable lies that the police have told. There are many more, nearly everything they say has been an attempt to deceive. We hope both readers and writers, of the news will continue to remember that the police are not trustworthy sources.

As one commentator on twitter put it, Police statements are a lot less mystifying when you read them as what they are – propaganda by violent agents of the state.

#bristol #kill the bill #police brutality #uk politics

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harrisonsloman · 4 years

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Is Being ‘Good’ Not Enough for You?

How to be the BEST at Krav Maga

I’m not going to lie and tell you this article is about being nice and dandy. It’s not! I know you want to be the best you can be and you want to be able to kick anyone’s ass in any situation, you want to be untouchable (though you don’t admit it freely). It’s natural, we’ve all watched too much television and grown up in a world where violence has been glorified. We want to see ourselves as the hero who can function effectively in the face of adversity and stick-it to the villains of the world.

Reality is never that perfectly written, and without trying to get to the root causes of such desires, I’m just going to offer some pathways for you to get yourself closer to that destination. If you really want it, you need consistency, dedication and clear focus. On top of that, having, passion to fuel you is important.

First of all, I do not condone inappropriate use of force and actions in violent situations and conflict. Imi, the Founder of Krav Maga was a big advocate of his students being ‘good citizens’, and we hold that core value very close to our hearts.

Never-the-less, here’s an overview of my tips to becoming the Krav Maga weapon you’ve always wanted to be…

Please note that what I’m listing below isn’t for everyone! If you’re willing to go the extra mile, then you’re in for a good shot.

Train In Your Krav Maga Gym for a Minimum 5 Hours a Week. Whether you do a few classes back to back, or spread it over a few sessions, it’s important that you’re getting good exposure to training. If you see the opportunity to do more, then do more!

Get Super Fit.

Sure you don’t need to be an athlete to defend yourself, but if you want to be a WOMD then I suggest you get super fit and agile. Do lots of running, skipping, ladder drills, pad rounds, HIIT, strength work, etc. Do as much as you can so that you have the ability to defend and attack from any position effortlessly. Make sure whatever you do is functional so that it transfers to your Krav Maga.

Acclimatisation Drilling.

I first learned about this topic from Deane Lawler. The most basic way for me to explain is that it teaches you to ignore the shock of an attack and go on the offensive as quickly as possible (if not simultaneously in the worst case situation).

How does it work? The attacker will aim to stun you to simulate the shock of being hit, and you’re job is to disregard the shock and strike back. The aim is to create a pattern of instinctive countering. It becomes subconscious and really, REALLY, REALLY works magic! If there was just one idea you’d take out of this out of this whole article, it’s acclimatization.

How to drill it: Have your partner hold two focus mitts in their hands. They will attack you to the head with circular hand strikes. You must do a head cover/gunt and an immediate, powerful counter to focus mitts (remember, power is derived from speed, mass and distribution/technique; you can modify this to suit your needs, and we’ll release videos to show variations).

It resonates with me and the focus I put on teaching and training. It’s inline with Krav Maga principles and with my personal experiences in the real world. As someone who has been in many real violent situations, I can say that this form of training really gets you conditioned to the reality of these situations and to the reality of what it takes to survive.

Get The Killer Instinct.

If you don’t develop this, you’ll likely be in shit. You need to have a real brutal and vicious machine inside you, ready to switch into a bloodthirsty, cannibalistic animal that refuses to be taken down. You have to be badder than the bad. You need to get in touch with your dark side, and really embrace it to help you fight for the forces of light. If you’re too nice, you might need to work on this!

To survive real conflict, you need to be able to lift your game to a whole new intensity and you need aggression, determination, courage and a fair bit of ‘crazy’ to get through it.

Work on developing strong intentions and actions to what you need to do. Meaning paint in your mind and in your training all the tools to be brutally effective. While doing this always aim to create a mind that cannot be distracted from the task and that will do whatever it takes.

Do 30-60 minutes of Shadow Krav Maga Daily.

You can call this whatever you want. Just ensure you’re working on your Krav Maga in a way where you’re practising your striking, footwork, and defences in the air. Focus on good form, having flow, and on working from natural positions/points in time. You want to give yourself a good contextual understanding of Krav Maga and doing it like this will help you make it all natural. You may feel awkward doing it initially, but that’s part of the process when integrating your movements so they become like second-nature to you. Remember that perfect practice makes perfect, so go in with the right attitude, energy and focus so that you have good awareness of yourself.

Repetition is only good if your technique is good. If you do it wrong, you just drilled a bad habit, so stay aware.

Ensure You’re Pressure Testing And Scenario Drilling.

You need to be running live testing drills that simulate reality as close as possible. You’ll hopefully get lots of drills in class, but if not, just organise a little group and do it somewhere on the side. I’d be looking at doing this at least 1-2 hours a week and doing as many multiple attacker rounds as possible. *Remember to always put safety first. Do it realistically, but do it responsibly.*

Do Pad Rounds.

If you don’t do enough in class, consider doing them elsewhere. You should do at least 18 x 1-2 minute rounds a week. Mix it up so that the intensity is always changing.

Spar More Than A Few Rounds A Weeks.

If you’re not sparring and trying your skills against other resisting opponents, then good luck when you deal with it for the first (and possibly last) time on the street. You can extend this to all pressure drills, multiple attackers and so on with full safety gear on.

Condition your mind.

Visualise and practice concepts like NLP (Neural Linguistic Programming; a mental patterning tool) to condition yourself for the success you’re after. Visualise all aspects of any situation, any attribute and so on to improve your mental comprehension. It has been proven that athletes who visualise and work on their mindset learn faster and perform better than those that do not.

Get A Full Contact Job.

Go be a bouncer, or take up a job as a hired hand with the Mafia. Just kidding! Working in a situation where you’re practising all your skills, including de-escalation and conflict resolution will help you. Just don’t get killed and don’t break the law! For most people this will be unreasonable, and I understand, but some of you will feel that you need to take this step, especially if you’ve never been in a real fight in your life. The alternative is to go start some fights, but we don’t advocate that at all, so don’t!

Practice 1 or 2 Showstopper Techniques.

Have 1 or 2 techniques you can use to preemptively strike and take out a threat. Something simple and direct, aimed at vital points to neutralise the threat quickly and with maximum efficiency, with minimum time and energy. Practice these techniques from positions where you look non-threatening and non-telegraphic.

Learn How To Retzev.

You need to have a good compound attack (a sequence of attacks that do not stop). The only thing with this one is that you want to keep it very simple and, like the show stopper techniques, you need to be able to drill it and rely on it. Start with a good sequence of powerful hand attacks, that goes forward relentlessly, viciously and with the prime objection to overwhelm and destroy the opponent.

Toughen Up Your Tools.

Most people will probably disagree with me, but who cares! Toughen up your shins, knuckles, forearms and body through conditioning work and hitting things. You know how it feels when you collide with someone’s shin, or their forearm on outside defences right? Well imagine it barely hurt you. I can’t tell you how many times people have wacked into my shins, and it hasn’t even fazed me, while they’re walking off to the side with regret on their faces. (All because I spent my teenage years kicking poles).

Record Yourself.

Use your camera phone, or your camera and record yourself doing different types of training. Refer to it often and use it to fix areas of concern, and/or refine upon something.

Be Open To Learning From Others.

I think to really get a holistic understanding of any topic that we need to have an open mind and not just conform and keep a status quo. Yes, if you’re really passionate about Krav Maga, increase your world-view on the topic. Learning from more than one source is not a bad thing. It can help validate things, expand knowledge and so much more. We do our best in Krav Maga Systems to give as much of a holistic approach as possible, but still, if you really want to understand the world of Krav Maga, you need to do some research and ask lots of questions.

Mirror, Mirror On The Wall.

Yeah, I say it all the time and I’ll say it again. Train in front of a mirror! You will see what you do and be able to correct it there are then. Every exceptional Kravist, fighters or martial artists I know does this!

Watch Lots Of Real Life CCTV & Combat Sports.

Balance these out. Look at how real life conflict starts and escalates and what it looks like. Establish a good grounds for reality, even if you’ve been there and done that. Train with those situations in mind, and feel free to recreate them in a scenario. Learn from them to understand the mind of you potential enemy.

Practice De-escalation In Training.

Probably the most important thing one needs is a good skills in de-escalation. Think of it as your own personal Iron Dome. The Iron Dome intercepts and destroys missiles that are aimed at targets within Israel. Your Iron Dome is constantly looking for threats in the awareness stages, but if something gets into its path it intercepts it without fail.

Look at this intercept as a pattern interrupt or a pattern change instead and make sure you’re training in how to talk down a potential threat first where it is possible. This is very important in your training and sits in the realm of knowing your stages of conflict, force continuum, and a whole lot of other things.

If you’re a bit shy in training, practice it solo (in the mirror is a good place to start). Having more than just physical skills is important. I often think about how I could talk my way out of a lot of situations because I understand what’s happening and where I am in the stages of conflict. Having such knowledge and being to apply it is really important!

Anyway, I could just keep on going, but I’ll leave it at that. These are some tips for you and I hope they help you greatly. May you walk in peace dear friend!

Source URL: https://kravmagasystems.com.au/is-being-good-not-enough-for-you/

#Krav Maga #Krav Maga System

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homosapiensapiens · 5 years

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Introduction...

Hello, and thank you for visiting my currently crap-ass blog! My name is Evan Line, I am from Ontario Canada and as I am writing this I am 17 years old. All my life I have been fascinated by the world around me, and taken a great interest in nature. As I have grown up, my interest in the planet that I live on has only grown more and more each year.

I remember being in second grade and being introduced to the idea of "Global Warming". Our teacher made us do an assignment that was pretty much just a bunch of 7-8-year-olds shittily drawing posters of endangered animals we liked (mostly polar bears) and putting some words on it. I remember talking in fourth grade about melting ice in the Arctic and how natural disasters seemed to be getting worse after every occurrence. Moving on to the sixth grade, and learning about the "Greenhouse Effect" and how we (humans) were essentially burning a hole in the ozone layer. This one really fucked up my class. I remember everyone being absolutely shocked, terrified, and confused. The greenhouse effect was all anyone talked about for about a month....but of course, the obvious panic died out. I think when you are a kid, you don't really give a damn about anything other than having a good time, and what you can't see, doesn't bother you. Fast forward a few more years to grade nine, the climate crisis is really starting to heat up, teachers are starting to tell us how to watch our carbon footprint and more people are talking about "Climate Change".

To be super honest, I never really took anything from school too seriously but I really should have. My point here is that the Climate Crisis is something I have known about for my entire life up to this point, and it is the same for pretty much anyone under the age of 20. It is the same for all those companies who knew about it as early as the 1970s but decided to stay quiet to earn a few bucks (looking at you Exxon). I woke up way too fucking late but I'm glad I at least woke up.

I am alive. You are alive. Do you know how rare that is???? We have been searching for years to find life on other planets, but we haven't found jack shit. It is absolutely mind-blowing to think that we are really alive. We live on a planet in space that just so happened to accidentally be in the right place at the right time for an explosion of life. We have water!!! We have millions of different plants! Animals! "Intelligent Life"!!!!!!! I don't know how much the average person knows about the cosmos but......we as a species know a shit ton about it......its fuckin HUGE bro it's MASSIVE. Our tiny brains would explode if could comprehend how large the universe is, and how ridiculously small we are. Here is a link to a video that will give you some sort of idea. In all of this observed universe, we are completely alone. There are 100 billion stars in the Milky Way Galaxy, most of those stars have solar systems (including planets). STILL, WE ARE THE ONLY LIFE.

And we are throwing it away as if we can afford to lose it. As if we are not some crazy astronomical miracle.

It blows my fucking mind that the most (supposedly) intelligent life ever observed is destroying its one and only home. That goes against every rule of nature???? We are not the only life on this planet!! This planet is not ours to take over and destroy!! We just happened to be here because of this planet and we! are! ruining it!! Earth has lost over HALF of its animals in the past 40 years!! There are 30 million people currently suffering directly because of the climate crisis and more than 200, 000 people die as a result of the climate crisis each year; a number that won't stop climbing! Since the 20th century, global temperatures have risen over 1 degree Celsius...1 more degree and that puts another 30% of all species at great risk of extinction. Not to mention there will be no more coral reefs, which house more than 25% of all marine species. The fishing industry is driving fish to near extinction which......over a billion people depend on as a source of food but....no big deal I guess...Wildfires are more rampant than ever. Another terrifying fact considering trees are one of our best defences against the Climate Crisis and not only is there not nearly enough now, but the ones that are on fire, have been absorbing CO2 for years and are now releasing it back into the atmosphere......for those of you who learned about greenhouse gases, have fun freaking out about that. (I'm going to stop putting links in because I think by now it is kind of obvious I'm not spouting bullshit) People don't seem to understand that freshwater is not in fact, a renewable resource and we are literally running out ???!!!?? I could go on and on and on and I will. I fucking will write huge ass things about all of this because nobody else is doing it and I'm freaking the fuck out because I want to have a life! At the crazy destructive rate humanity is going right now, I won't have a future. I will die because of the climate crisis.

And that is the most bullshit reason to die I've ever fucking heard of because it is so EASILY preventable if anyone actually cared to do anything. That is why I am starting this blog. People hear about these awful things but for some reason make no effort to learn how to change their lifestyle (and yes, that is a very very good place to start it makes a huge impact if everyone does it), so I will post a shit ton of things about how to live more sustainably and give you straight up tips on how to improve your life (and everyone Else's) in pretty much every possible way. You're welcome I guess.

Go binge watch BBCs Planet Earth and then Blue Planet and then Our Planet to get an idea of how beautiful this planet actually is, but be cautious because you will feel like hot NYC garbage afterwards for being part of a species that literally? does not fucking care at all. But you can :))

-Evan Line, a living being on planet earth

#climate crisis #climate change #eco #ecofriendly #earth #sustainability #sustainability tips #stop climate change #environmentalism #environmentalist

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thepillareddark · 5 years

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Review of the Oxford Art Degree show, both BFA and MFA

Here’s the problem.

I’m not very good at appreciating art, because I’m so fully trained at doing criticism of literature, where words can be definitely be said to be saying something, even if the expression is often unclear or imprecise. You are always operating around a definition when you use words, and those words, in prose and poetry, are always linear and therefore have a certain temporal sequence. This means I feel I can always say or do something about them if asked, because there’s stuff I can latch onto and think about.

When I’m introduced to a piece of art in an exhibition space I don’t really know where to begin: I don’t know how to look at something discontinuous like a painting or a weird sculptural piece and take a meaning away from it. I’ll explain what I mean by this more later, but the reason I’m introducing the concept is because what the degree show is, by definition (because they haven’t got the Degree yet) is bad art, or imperfect or not good art.

And that’s weird to me because when I am presented with bad poetry or prose I always know it, because you can typically hear what the author is going for, or just tell when something sucks. If you don’t believe me then just go and read any not good book then read any good book and you will immediately understand: the defence of the authors ‘intention’ doesn’t really activate because the terms of the expression (words) are such individually definite choices of meaning that it is easier to tell when something is just bad. This is very difficult for me with art, because a lot of the time I’m not really familiar with what an exhibition is going for because every exhibition is always introduced spatially and hermeneutically as NOT telling you what it is about, if anything that is the whole point of art.

Works of literature are typically introduced, or you can tell what’s going on, but at a degree show like this there is never a paragraph telling me what the work was ‘going for’ before I look at it. This makes it extra difficult to judge if it was good or not. The fundamental issue with this approach is that it DOES centre around judging, because I’m trying to say if this or that piece of visual art or literature has succeeded, or if it’s good, rather than trying to just take whatever I can away from it, or just appreciating it in a more disinterested way. Of course, I am very justified in doing this, because all these shows DO receive marks. It’s not aimless or for its own sake at all, on some level, because the point is that this is for your degree.

So the work above, which the photo is from, was a nice piece of art, but I’m not really sure if it was good or not. What it was was a video of some disabled kids dressing up in front of a green screen and singing songs and dancing and stuff. And it was really cool, the artist was like talking through it, there were some nice visuals. But it seemed like a cute, sweet thing to do for a bunch of kids, a kind of youtube thing maybe, not really art? But here the problems start, because maybe it was meant to make me think about what art belongs in a gallery and what doesn’t. It put a lot of good into the world, then evidenced that good with a video. So am I meant to look at it and appreciate that disabled kids can make art too, or to think about the function of imagination and the like, or is it more polemic and ironic, in that it argues that it itself isn’t art but should be? You see my problem? There’s so much kind of commentary on art going on at the same time as making art that I don’t know what anyone’s intention was, and so I can’t enjoy it as much. Maybe on top of everything else that itself was the point?

This isn’t a problem with my interpretation, it’s a problem with how exhibition space art has become so postmodern and obsessed with interpreting itself without telling you anything that the observer themselves feels very out of place, or very involved, or very not wanted and kind of contingent. There’s nothing wrong with this per se, it’s just a kind of specific form of art that makes it very difficult to take anything away, and exhibition space style art is obsessed with it. Of course, you could say that all art is always making its viewers contingent, that that’s just a default. Maybe so. Certainly makes judging anything tough if you take that stance.

So what about the art itself? My answer is that I though the BFA show was actually bad, and that the MFA show was even more fantastic than last year. But the reason there was such a long intro is because I’m not sure how to even approach the concept of “bad” anymore because maybe I just missed the point, maybe it was meant to be bad to make me thing, maybe a million other things.

One piece of art had me go into a room with pink plastic on the walls, then watch a girl do a kind of cut up dance piece while weird slogans flashed over it. The plastic felt very cheap and the dancing wasn’t impressive. Kind of a cool comment on drag and personal feminism, or was it genuinely cheap?

This felt like something from the natural history museum in the kids creepy crawlies section. Was this also a bit anti-art, or just a bit shit? I didn’t not enjoy it, it gave you little flashlights before you walk into the space, and was kind of creepy in a fun way. But it hardly made me think. Was it meant to make me think at all?

A lot of the other stuff was kind of basic technological deconstruction, like a bunch of concrete loopaper, or screens showing looped images of like a 3D model of the tower of Pisa. A lot of it felt small and cheap. If everyone does deconstructed art with loose wires and building materials and ad-hoc radios and shit then no one is doing it, because there isn’t a pristine exhibition space to disrupt, which was the disruptive idea they were founding themselves on.

In a way a lot of it was sort of non-art, probably because the ideas are there but the execution kind of isn’t, if you like, so there’s a lot of travelogue pieces, and random photos, and projects which are filmed and sort of turned into art. Those felt like they also sort of didn’t belong. I guess I have a very old school view in that I believe some talent should be involved, which sounds extremely sarcastic when I write it out, but I’m sort of proved right by the fact that a lot of the best works by the undergrads were actually the paintings and prints. Here they are presented, I don’t think I have anything smart to say about them, they are just good and good to look at and polished and talented. Of course, I still don’t really have anything to SAY about them, because I’m not actually trained in it- what do I say about an image of a guy sitting on a bed drawn in a weird way? I don’t know how to say anything about it:

Isn’t that amazing? This one is also good:

There was one really outstanding undergrad piece though, which was this video:

It was of this girl doing a monologue to a presumed viewer about how much she missed them and how she just wants attention from them, how she’d put makeup on and shown up, and shown that she wasn’t really empowered, but also did the whole conversation in a kind of friendly way, like she was acting like she didn’t like you, and she broke through that to say that she was trying to stay in focus on the camera and not go off script. Saying how she just wanted to be wanted, and how if you didn’t have anything to say you could just leave. This was like, the absolute perfect piece for the Oxford art show. It was amazing for so many reasons:

1. It’s kind of about student art, in that it acknowledges that all art is made for some long off source of desire who you just want to notice you.

2. It makes fun of that idea.

3. It makes you wonder if it was made about someone real, or whether it was ironically flattering the viewer just by being there, which is sort of an ideal send up of all the criticisms I’ve made of other people above.

4. It broke the fourth wall in a double knowingly way, in that it referenced the creation of the art while also parodying the fact that everyone does that.

5. It made a joke about the viewers involvement by asking you to speak back to her, to acknowledge that she was begging for your attention, while knowing that viewers can’t speak back- which answers my original complaint about the concept of involving the viewer in the exhibition space.

6. It makes fun of the viewer thinking they are special just for appreciating someone’s art, like they deserve love for that.

7. It made a comment on student love and about being obsessed with someone while wanting to stay strong.

8. A million other things which made it a perfect comment on being a student at Oxford and on art and student art.

Really genuinely brilliant and made me think etc.

MFA

This was excellent, because it’s graduate students, which means it isn’t stupid undergrads but people of all ages from all different backgrounds who are old enough both to be smart and to be committed to work. Just a few:

Beautiful painting.

Amazing.

I love this, and it was huge, and represented a huge amount of effort.

The MFA was varied, but also brilliant. Was like a real art show at points. Which is funny, I guess, because you never get to see bad art unless you go to a show like this. I think there’s a place for it. Bad art is different to good art, and normally we all only see good art. There is another piece I want to write about bad art and poetry, or middling art and poetry, and what its place is, but that needs another article.

A final MFA piece:

Basically it was a parody high end store with stuff for sale branded with “Lyonardo” for like 1,600 pounds. The actual artist was in there as the store clerk. I wonder what would’ve happened if I had tried to buy one of the 2000 pound USB keys. I think he was actually selling them for this much. To be honest this was really funny, even though it was a very kind of on-the-nose ‘art is commercialized’ kind of piece. I walked to the end of the store and there was a secret corridor looping round. The guy asked if I wanted to go through and realise who I really am through art. It cost one pound for students, so I paid and he gave me this really OTT receipt and ticket, in a silver envelope, and of course the joke is you walk through and it just takes you out at another point in the exhibition, there’s nothing in there at all. I saw the joke coming but it was funny.

But you know what else is weird is that I liked having something to take away? I liked that I had bought something. It was an exit through the gift shop sort of moment. The MFA was a great send up of the BFA here, because a lot of the undergrads were selling shitty books or t shirts or pushing their instagrams, and this Lyonardo thing was a parody of that sort of thing, because the selling IS the art, even if it makes you feel hollow.

#Art #Oxford #BFA #MFA

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notcompliant · 5 years

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Headcanon :: The Dynamic Duo :: Steve and Bucky

This headcanon is based as a sort of meta but also default for my dynamic’s between Steve and Bucky. Please note two things, firstly this is adaptable as varying portrayals obviously have different canons and styles and secondly it is a basis for mainly my MCU default verse.

As such, if parts of it weren’t in your canon, or you really love the MCU dynamic you don’t have to worry but also please be aware this isn’t gushy and St.ucky praising. Because on this blog I will spill truth about Bucky no matter the cold chill it takes to swallow it.

Don’t worry though it has soft openings and a chance to be better. I’m just not a popular sugar coater whoops.

So on we go!

1940′s the Brooklyn Boys:

Bucky meets Steve as a young teen, helping him get out of a tight spot during a fight and taking him back to his mothers diner for patching up. The two bond quickly over sciences, technology, an enjoyment of games and a want for a better tomorrow. Becoming best friends is easy, and Bucky cared for Steve like he did all of those closest to him.

This care extended to helping Steve in other ways, some he didn’t know about. As Steve’s illnesses became worse the Rogers were struggling with paying for the multitude of medication. Already having a paper route Bucky knew it wouldn’t give much, so he began looking for a second job.

The one he found wasn’t the best of things, or entirely legal. Bucky ended up boxing for money. Already having the athleticism and training for it from his self defence classes (his mothers insistence with the turning tides of society, his father wasn’t fond of it but understood) meant that he was good. Good enough to stay alive anyway, and good enough to make some bucks from it.

Steve’s parents didn’t ask and he didn’t tell where and how when he turned up with the medication. Glad for the help, and happy to help the silence worked well and Bucky got to see his best friend keep going and well enough to be the fighting little shit he was.

Now at this point in my portrayal Bucky doesn’t have romantic feelings for Steve. More he doubles as both a carer and a friend. It’s platonic, but intense due to the twist that comes when your life revolves around keeping someone else alive. You’ve got to understand, between boxing for Steve, fighting people with Steve, spending time with Steve and studying with Steve almost 80% of his day was wholly and entirely given to Steve who became a major part of his daily routine and life. That’s important later so keep it in mind.

The War:

Being drafted was what changed Steve and Bucky’s dynamic, oddly enough. Away from Steve for an extended period of time, with the memories of games and the comfort of his friend Bucky did what a lot of people do when memories all they got.

He got rose tinted glasses.

Steve became a sort of safe space mentally along with his family, to the point that Bucky’s feeling to Steve went from the role of carer and friend to more romantic in nature. Separation makes the heart fonder and all that.

When Steve then saved him from Hydra the first time, Bucky’s mental romanticisation of Steve lingered into something close to hero worship that most people experience when being helped. Attraction comes with it. At this point, Bucky is inexplicitely heart eyes and willing to follow Steve into deadly hydra operations against any and all form of fucking logic. But hey, they’ve got their best friends back! Yay!

God don’t we wish that lasted.

TWS onwards:

Breaking conditioning isn’t easy. Contrary to MCU belief a cutesy hand touch from a pretty redhead you potentially banged one night wont do it will i ever not drag mcu? no It’s got to be something substantial enough that your mind has made it a long term memory, not a short term one.

Steve is that substantial memory.

For Bucky, Steve was 80% of his daily life for years, and then someone who saved his life, who he was very likely in love with, who he idealised. Steve was a long term memory and oof did that come back with a vengeance.

The only problem we have here is that whilst Bucky’s memory is jagged pieces and he feels affection for Steve, it’s not at strong or as all consuming as war Bucky had it. Think of it like the difference between seeing someone you love in person, and waking up from a dream you can’t really remember but you knew they were in it. You still feel warm, but you’re not all that sure why or how warm.

Steve however, is now in the situation War Bucky was in. Idealisation and Romanticising of memories and lost potential. Or, rose tinted glasses.

Problem with rose tinted glasses? They have the potential to make you blind, and in like in this case, make things worse.

Steve and Bucky’s dynamic becomes toxic. Yeah, yeah I embrace the rumble of an angry fandom with a smile as I walk back into the truth of hell. It WAS toxic and you can quote me on that.

Here’s why though since I’m going all out with this.

Steve is currently in a stage of denial, and likely due to his PTSD though remember kids mental illness isn’t an excuse to be an asshole, is currently desperately trying to cling to his image of Bucky that is right now being shredded by reality.

Bucky’s popping his Bucky bubble and Steve isn’t taking it well, it sucks all around, especially for us watching.

Steve is currently Bucky’s only source of information about his past and his identity, Bucky trusts him because the memory of trusting Steve is a strong and driving factor. Steve meanwhile is driven by having his Bucky back.

In any way.

Even if for instance he has to traumatise him into reliving potentially false memories, degrade him when he doesn’t fit the mould the way Steve wants, i will fight him for the “that’s not good enough” line alone try and stop me to outright just dismissing anything Bucky says or wants and gaslighting him into “no, no I know better! I know YOU” ( “i’m not bucky” “yes you are” “no im not” “you fucking well will be even if I have to drag you through a civil war and to wakanda by your pigtails” ring any bells?)

NOW DON’T GET ME WRONG I DON’T THINK STEVE DOES IT DELIBERATELY. Please don’t confuse me here, I’m not saying Steve is a deliberate piece of shit, only that in his own desperation he accidentally becomes the worst possible way of helping.

And uh, well, it kinda goes downhill from there. Sadly because Steve tried to protect Bucky and in doing so lost the trust of Bucky. This is especially fitting in my portrayal where IW didn’t happen, so buckle in we’re on our last legs.

Steve lied to Tony about his parents yeah yeah we all know blah blah civil war BUT what people don’t want to talk about is that Steve didn’t just hide it from Tony. He hid it from Bucky also.

Look, when Bucky watches that Video not only does he go through pretty violent flash backs and border on a panic attack, but he also comes to the realisation that he can’t trust Steve to tell him the truth.

You can see it in the way he flinches back from Steve (who is closest, reaching out, and moves first) and the way he fully intends to bolt before the real fighting starts.

In my portrayal he steps in to try and break it up, and only fights against Tony when Tony actively starts gunning for his ass. Which is fair. Well, it’s not because neither should have been in that situation and it’s a shitty situation but like, it’s fair he’s defending himself.

BUT from there on Bucky has an issue, and that issue is that he doesn’t know who he is, he doesn’t trust his own memories and he knows he can not trust Steve to tell him all of it, or be honest about it, or to not keep things from him.

Which is why Wakanda happens. Bucky no longer trusts Steve, and it’s not safe for him to be out. So he willingly agree’s to be frozen for a while, and let them see if they can help. Now in my canon once unfrozen he slips out of the hold because he desperately needs to learn about himself without Steve’s influence or control over the story. He NEEDS to find himself, he doesn’t hate Steve but he needs that.

By my main verse Bucky isn’t on either side, he doesn’t fully trust either side and he’s moving alone to try and figure out who he is and who he wants to be. Whilst the affection remains for Steve, it’s not romantic at that time, and Steve will have to earn his trust back just like all the other people who have (inadvertently or not) manipulated him.

So that’s that! Thanks for making it this far, please come and cry with me about how both of them deserve better and then please give Bucky a friend he can trust, and also build a really dramatic and heart breaking reality stucky with me thank you.

#( headcanon : bucky ) it’s like a memory from a dream #:: when will marvels reflection shooooow how unhealthy obssessive gaslighting is insiiiiiiideeeee #:: how much can i go against fandom tides before you all kick me out another blog by me

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blueinkedfrost · 6 years

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Heathers - Bud Dean

Bud Dean has about three canonical personality traits - explosives obsession, exercise/fitness obsession, not a very good parent. Four personality traits if you count his and J.D.'s sarcastic roleplaying exchanges as a trait. Everything else is absolutely conjecture.

Bud's other important trait is that, for a character who has 2.5 brief scenes in the movie, he's a real spotlight stealer. He's extremely interesting! This is why he tempts people to conjecture about him.

In terms of defending Bud, he's not the worst character in the movie! He only killed one person and a memorial oak tree, and in both cases was legally acquitted of responsibility. He's not a very good parent, but none of the other adult characters are particularly good either.

And, very importantly, what is 'Bud' a nickname for? I think his full name should be Burton, as it makes a nice little reference to Ira Levin's A Kiss Before Dying, which you should definitely read without spoilers.

Here are my Bud conjectures, in the order that we get information in the movie.

The first thing we learn about J.D.'s home environment is that he moves around a lot but there's a Snappy Snack Shack in every town.

J.D. I've been moved around all my life. Dallas, Baton Rouge, Vegas ... Sherwood, Ohio. There's always been a Snappy Snack Shack ... Keeps me sane.

This early in the movie, 'Keeps me sane' just sounds like hyperbolic banter. Later we realise that J.D. has some very serious issues, and Snappy Snack Shacks as his one source of stability in an unstable life were not an adequate means of support. When Veronica comments on J.D.'s motorbike, he explains a bit more of his background:

J.D. Yeah, just a humble perk from my dad's construction company. You've seen the commercial, right? "Bringing every state to a higher state".

Then it's Veronica who says the company name and Bud's name, 'Big Bud Dean Construction'. So the background here is:

Bud's business causes him and his son to move around a lot - we'll figure out that the constant moving and having no friends has a negative effect on his son's mental state. Maybe Bud would've been a better parent if he'd sent J.D. to boarding school. It seems like Bud prioritises his work over his kid, although in his defence he needs to earn a living.

The company's clearly doing well enough to have popular T.V. ads. Bud's very competent at what he does.

Naming your company after yourself makes you a self-made man with a high opinion of your creator. (It's not even just 'Bud Dean Construction', it's a boastful 'Big Bud'.) In contrast, Veronica's family, established in Sherwood, might have inherited money, as her parents seem to lead pretty leisurely lives.

We meet Bud in person when he walks in on J.D. and Veronica watching television (Veronica quickly removes her hand from around J.D.'s shoulders). Comparing Bud's physical appearance to Veronica's father, he has a lot more grey in his hair; it's possible Bud's meant to be older, although different people go grey at different rates and he is very physically fit.

Bud and his son communicate by putting words in each other's mouth. This roleswapping exchange is offputting, and an indication of the chaos that surrounds J.D.

J.D. Hey, son, I didn't hear you come in. BUD. Hey, Dad, how was work today? It was miserable. Some damn tribe of withered old bitches doesn't want us to terminate that fleabag hotel.

This exchange makes me conjecture that Bud's on the more misogynistic end of the Heathers spectrum, although this movie sets the bar pretty low (J.D. has the dubious distinction of 'only male character to show a vague awareness that date rape is wrong'). Veronica says 'bitch' too and she'd probably identify as a feminist, but Bud uses particularly vivid, imaginative language to denounce these women - tribe of withered old bitches, then later the judge told them to slurp shit and die. (Which the judge probably did not literally do.) This combined with the backstory on Bud's wife and Bud's dismissive attitude toward Veronica makes me think Bud doesn't think much of women.

Bud and J.D. then talk over an anecdote in "fucking Kansas", where Bud was arraigned but acquitted for illegally blowing up the Memorial Oak Tree with thirty fireworks attached to the trunk. Bud is willing to break the law and clever enough to get away with it, and doesn't care much for trees, environmentalism, or history. J.D. repeats the story as if Bud's told it many times before.

Then there's a nonverbal exchange that's quite interesting. Veronica offers to shake Bud's hand and he refuses, walking on a treadmill and giving her a perfunctory wave instead. He's clearly very interested in exercising and not very polite to her. Veronica leaves in a hurry soon after.

J.D. Veronica, this is my dad. Dad - Veronica.

VERONICA. Hi. (Bud refuses her handshake.)

J.D. Son, why don't you ask your little friend to stay for dinner?

VERONICA. I can't, uh, my mom's making my favourite meal tonight. Spaghetti, lots of oregano.

After the role reversal conversation and the handshake refusal, Veronica seems to find Bud offputting and leaves quickly. Since Veronica later asks J.D. 'Do you like your father', she doesn't find Bud likeable. However, in Veronica's second encounter with Bud, she's sarcastic about him within his earshot ('the beaver's home'), so she probably doesn't find him particularly scary or threatening.

J.D.'s last line before Veronica leaves is this tantalising beginning of a reveal, that Veronica is completely disinterested in asking for more information about:

J.D. How nice. Last time I saw my mom, she was waving from a library window in Texas. Right, Dad? BUD. Right ... son.

There's an earlier script version that gives more information about Bud's attitude here:

J.D. The last time I saw my mom, she was waving out the window of a library in Texas. Right, Dad?

BIG BUD DEAN stops rowing to grin a You-Think-You're-Tougher-Than-Me-But-You're-Not smile to J.D.

BUD. Right, son.

Bud literally killed J.D.'s mother while he watched, but instead of thinking that some kind of emotional support might be appropriate, he sees mentions of her death as a tough-out contest. Bud probably wins that contest, and along with it a 'bad parenting' prize. The way J.D. brings up his mother's death makes it feel like an unhealed wound - J.D.'s poking at the scab, trying to get some sort of reaction out of his father that he doesn't get at all.

In Bud's second appearance, J.D. and Veronica are again in the living room. Veronica threw the photo of J.D.'s mother at him in frustration, not knowing what it was. Bud walks in with a videotape, gloating over how We beat the bitches ... the judge told them to slurp shit and die. He shows the video of his deconstruction job.

BUD. I put a Norwegian in the boiler room. Masterful! And then, when that blew, it set off a pack of thermals I stuck upstairs. Some days it's great to be alive.

Bud has a high opinion of his own talents (warranted - he clearly did a good job of demolishing the hotel) and loves destruction. The video seems to be much more for enjoyment than analysing his work; he watches it and laughs. Deconstruction is a job that clearly someone has to do, and lots of people like explosions in moderation - but, for Bud, he loves them. While watching the video, J.D. clearly also starts to feel excitement and consider how he could blow up Westerburg High School. Like father, like son.

When Bud leaves, Veronica asks J.D. a question.

VERONICA. Do you like your father?

At that point in the story, Veronica's disturbed about the three murders J.D. planned and she's also noticed Bud's love for destruction - it's plausible that she asked that question hoping for a definite 'no, I'm not as destructive as my father'. She doesn't get that definite no.

J.D. I've never given the matter much thought. I liked my mother. They said her death was an accident, but she knew what she was doing. She walked into the building two minutes before my dad blew the place up. She waved at me, and then ... boom.

(The camera zooms in on the picture of a light-haired woman casually dressed on a beach, in sunglasses. The sunglasses probably symbolise 'we didn't need to find a stock photo that looked like Christian Slater'.)

Since Bud literally pulled the trigger on Mrs. Dean, it's tempting to take the way she died as symbolic of It's-Just-Possible-That-I-Might-Have-Had-Some-Issues-With-My-Husband. The death was ruled an accident; she would have walked into the building of her own will; Bud probably didn't know she was there. If Bud was a decent or semi-decent spouse, then forcing him to literally kill her was a shitty thing to do. (Similarly, Martha's method of committing suicide would've been horrifying to the car driver, but in Martha's case, she didn't know that it would be one specific driver.)

While it's not spelt out, it's easy to picture Bud as an awful or abusive spouse. Ruling Mrs. Dean's death an accident was probably quite lenient from the coroner, considering that Bud was responsible for securing the demolition site and could have been considered negligent. In this real life example where a person was killed in a demolition (it's a very sad story), the contractor's responsibility was certainly considered. In some religions, there's a stigma against suicide, which means that ruling a death accidental is considered kinder to the family. Maybe the Deans are (nominally, anyway, as they don't seem remotely devout) Catholic.

(By calling her Mrs. Dean, I'm even making an assumption that they were married, which also isn't explicitly stated - but it's a pretty safe assumption.)

J.D.'s line on whether he likes his father is I've never given the matter much thought. I liked my mother. His mother was the better parent of the two, with J.D. feeling affection for her but indifference to his father. I think J.D.'s line reminiscing about his mother is a genuine emotional moment from him. Not long after this, J.D. shoots the radio playing 'Teenage Suicide' for no obvious reason. He's an impulsive character, but also a pretty calculating one, so it's hard to understand what motivated him there. Unresolved anger from reminiscing about his mother's death seems a convincing explanation.

Bud's final brief scene in the film actually shows him in a relatively positive light. While J.D. is building the bomb to blow up the school, Bud knocks on his son's door. He's not seen, only heard.

BUD. Hey, pop, I need some help with my homework!

J.D. Not right now, tiger, I'm a little busy.

Bud tries to reach out and engage his son; his son asks him to back off; and Bud respects J.D.'s boundaries and does so. (Of course, in this particular case, obviously things did not end well.)

And then J.D. goes off and tries to blow up the school with a trigger in the basement and packs of thermals in the gym. Veronica says the line Like father, like son. She literally means that the bombing style is the same. But it's really tempting to extend her line to mean more. J.D. displays a lack of empathy and concern for human life. Could those traits be inherited from his father? Bud doesn't show much empathy and concern for his son, and doesn't seem to have any friends or any interest in remarrying. Bud's exercise habits are solitary exercise, on his personal machines (not even at the gym with other people around!). Bud shows some grandiosity in his opinions about himself, such as calling his company 'Big Bud Dean Construction' and his interpretation on exactly what the judge told the protesters. It's tempting to read Bud as the 'sociopath who succeeds in business' stereotype - someone who channels his love for explosives into mostly legal channels, is willing to break the rules (see also the Memorial Oak Tree), and doesn't care for other people's feelings.

In a movie that uses a lot of colour symbolism, Bud's colour scheme greatly varies - a red and grey tracksuit in his first scene, (bright) blue and black in his second, unseen in his third. He prefers casual clothes or exercise clothes. Red is used to symbolise power (Chandler's scrunchie); grey seems pretty neutral; blue is Veronica's colour, symbolising intelligence; black is J.D.'s colour, symbolising destruction. Power, intelligence, and destruction pretty much fit Bud's character, although it's weird to see him in blue as he and Veronica hardly have anything in common. The photo of Mrs. Dean shows her in light colours, perhaps showing that she was more vulnerable and weak.

In terms of what I like about Bud, I really like his competence and his sarcasm. He's obviously good at what he does (blows up hotels, runs a successful company, keeps physically fit). He's clever enough to blow up a memorial oak tree without getting caught. His exchanges with his son show that he's rather verbally apt. Bud seems to be doing exactly what he wants to do in life with no inner angst whatsoever, which is a lot more than most Heathers characters can say.

Overall, how terrible a parent was Bud? It's pretty open. In the suicide note for Heather Chandler, J.D. contributes Suicide is the logical answer to the myriad of problems life has given me, which you can imply that he was also using to talk about himself. 'Myriad of problems' sounds like there might be more to J.D.'s issues than 'My mom died and I move around a lot', but that's a major conjecture. Bud clearly gives his son enough pocket money to support a motorbike, a smoking habit, and a convenience store habit, as well as way too much access to weaponry. Bud's not very emotionally supportive, and rather neglectful; his son stays the night away from home on at least two occasions (before killing Heather and before killing Kurt and Ram) without Bud apparently caring much.

Given J.D.'s issues, it's tempting to blame his father to a greater or lesser extent. However, J.D. is seventeen, not seven, and responsible for his own actions. J.D.'s penchant for killing other people's bullies seems like it might tie in to past bullying he experienced himself, where if he went after his own tormentors it would be too much like admitting weakness. It's believable enough to assume his father was one of the people who hurt him, whether by action or neglect. J.D. seems to mind when Heather Chandler targets Martha and when Kurt and Ram target the nerd at the funeral, in a twisted way of showing empathy; J.D. also has some feelings for his mother and for Veronica, despite how dark he becomes. Bud isn't shown to care for anyone at all.

Through Bud's exercise obsession, he's physically tougher than his son, and he seems more emotionally callous as well. No wonder he survives the movie where his son doesn't.

Go Team Bud?

#heathers #Bud Dean #Jason Dean #fandom meta

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siriuslysnuffles · 6 years

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star-crossed lovers

JILY CHALLENGE | @siriuslysnuffles vs @nottellingu (October 2017)

@jilychallenge: social media au + youtuber lily films a challenge video with her boyfriend james and the internet loses its shit over how cute they are together–or close enough.

Read it on FF.

It all started two nights ago when Lily Evans posted a new challenge video with Puddlemere United’s James Potter–her boyfriend and the father to her three-year-old son Harry. While James and Lily were often seen in public–when James wasn’t at practice or at far away games Lily couldn’t accompany him to or when Lily wasn’t away due to Youtube or when they made sure to be extra careful when Harry was out with them (not wanting to expose him too much to the media)–the internet seemed to explode whenever they filmed a video together for Lily’s channel. She’s seen edits on tumblr based on her and James’ relationship. Although not just edits shipping her and James but her and Sirius as well with the occasional Remus or Peter. The edits always made them laugh and James scowl stating that he’d pummel them if they even dared to hold her hand. Lily would then kiss each of them on the cheek to prove a point to him; he would pout all night.

He was the love of her, and she’d often wondered whether his earlier offer was still on the table for them. He’d asked once before, and she had said no, she could tell he’d been disappointed at the time. They had fought when it happened, on the verge of breaking up–she was ashamed to admit that half of those were caused by her–when he had told her he’d been offered a position on his favourite football team. She hadn’t known what that meant for them–she was two and a half months pregnant at that point. She remembered leaving the flat James had shared with Sirius. She remembered crying in her own flat all night. She had thought of Petunia’s taunts of Lily being a whore when she’d found out from their parents, her taunts that YouTube wasn’t a real job, and she’d never be able to maintain a child on James’ amateur career nor on her profession (Petunia had scoffed here). She hadn’t cared at the time, why would she? She had James. Because she’d never even considered that she wouldn’t have James–they were each other’s first (first love, first serious relationship, first time). She had been a wreck and refused to speak to him despite how much she really wanted to. In the end, he had used the extra key she’d given to him. He had kissed her and told her he loved her even if she never wanted to marry him–which she had never said but found no reason to bring up the topic again so soon. He told her they would find a way to make it work–for their child and for them. He kissed her again before looking into her eyes, begging her in the way that often ended with their clothes on the ground and tongues in each other’s mouth, ‘Please, no more fighting.’ His voice had sound as if he were on the verge of breaking. ‘No more fighting,’ she had heard herself saying. No talk of marriage had arisen since and reading through the retweets of her latest video hadn’t helped.

Lily skimmed through the reply section of her latest Twitter post which was filled with requests for a proposal between Lily and James–not realising that Lily was a hundred percent for it.

She scrolled through her feed when she stopped at one of Sirius’ tweets. It read, ‘Am i invited to the wedding?’

Lily typed in a quick ‘wanker’ comment before logging off and setting her computer down.

‘Have you seen the amount of tweets and comments your latest video has gotten, Lil?’ James chuckled as he approached her , ‘Six hundred thousand in the past two days, it’s insane.’

‘Half of those are probably girls fawning over how fit you looked when you took off your shirt.’

‘So you admit I’m fit,’ he said placing a quick kiss on her mouth, ‘and don’t be a hypocrite, I’ve seen you fawn over my delectable abs plenty of times.’

‘I’m entitled to fawn over them whenever I like.’

James threw his head back laughing, ‘Lily Evans, are you objectifying me? What will the tabloids say next?’

‘James Potter: major football star or major ego?’ she teased.

‘You’re mean,’ he pouted as he sat down and wrapped an arm around her waist.

‘You’re a prat,’ she replied.

‘Yeah, but I love you, Evans,’ he kissed the corner of her mouth gently.

She blushed slightly, snuggling deeper into him, ‘I love you too, you prat.’

(video)

2:40

James smashed the chocolate cake into his girlfriend’s face, laughing as she pouted at him. He placed a kiss on her cheek causing her to beam at him. His heart felt like it would explode at that look, he’d give her anything to continue giving him that look.

1:38 PM

from wormtail to ‘james sucks at football’: did you see rita skeeter’s new article

from padfoot: why would i?

wormtail: [sends magazine titled ‘Is Jily Done?’]

padfoot: no way!

moony: does james know?

wormtail: he hasn’t answered my calls

padfoot: fuck

(IS JILY DONE?: HOW THE A LIST COUPLE IS OVER BY RITA SKEETER)

Despite Youtube sensation Lily Evans’ newest video with Puddlemere United’s James Potter, the former ‘it’ couple seems to be heading down a dangerous path. The couple has been dating since their last year at Hogwarts (a Scottish boarding school for the supposedly gifted) where Evans herself according to our sources was said to have once announced her hatred for the supposed father of her child.

Her latest video shows the couple laughing and seemingly in love, but this writer got an inside scoop on what’s really going on with the couple. A close friend of theirs* dished out the gossip on the couple’s constant arguments, Potter’s irresponsible parenting and his inability to commit to one girl.

Potter was seen with the Holy Harpies’ Emmeline Vance just a week ago in what seems to be a very flirtatious conversation with Vance in which Vance even placed her hand Potter’s bicep (see photo below). James Potter’s inability to commit after six years must be a painful heartbreak to Lily Evans and her three-year-old son Harry. In Potter’s defence, it could be the girl he’s the willing to commit to and not the commitment itself.

Until next week when we uncover the truth behind another mysterious Youtuber.

‘Oh no,’ James groaned as he saw a magazine with a picture of him and Emmeline Vance on the front cover and the title, ‘IS JILY DONE?’ instructing him to turn to page nine and ten for details.

He had just been on his way to pick up Harry from his parents when he had caught sight of not one but multiple magazine covers bearing similar titles. While Emmeline was a very pretty girl who he was fairly certain did fancy him, he loved Lily–the woman who not only was he everything, but who was also the mother of the three-year-old he was certain was his and no one would ever beat that. The photo obviously didn’t show the way James had inched away from her or the awkward air that emitted from him.

He read the titles of the other magazines in the store: Potter’s New Flame, the Puddlemere’s Harpy, Star-Crossed Lovers, the Future Mrs Potter, Evans v. Vance.

James could see a few people with their phones out and keeping a distance from the corner of his eye.

Great, he thought. The last thing he needed was another magazine proclaiming his apparent love for Emmeline Vance. He placed the magazine back and quickly made his way through the aisles to pick up sushi for Lily and him along with some sweets for Harry and a few ingredients Lily had actually put on the grocery list.

(video)

3:59

Lily sat giggling in her seat as she watched the chocolate syrup run down her boyfriend’s face. He began nuzzling into her neck, smearing chocolate across her neck and face.

'Stop it, you prat,’ she said as she shoved him off, pouting at him.

The screen jumped to a different scene.

(deleted scene)

'Stop it, you prat.’

'But you look so gorgeous, Evans,’ he cupped her face gently. 'I love you so bloody much, Lil.’ He could see her face inching towards his. He let his thumb caress her cheek slowly, 'You love me, yeah?’

'Of course I love you, you dork.’ James’ lips crashed onto hers, he let his lips move slowly, his tongue teasing hers.

'Mmm…the camera…’ she pushed him away slowly.

'Just delete it,’ he kissed her again, not caring that they were both covering the other in even more food.

(text)

3:28 PM

(Prongs renamed ‘james sucks at football’ to ‘sirius is an idiot’)

prongs: fuck is right. rita’s not the only one who’s written an article. i’m on my way to get harry from mum and dad’s. idk what i’m going to tell lily.

padfoot: it’s not true though, right?

prongs: of course not, you wanker! you know i love lily.

padfoot: good, because i’d have to fight you if you hurt her.

moony: if lily didn’t beat you to it.

wormtail: she is rather scary.

prongs: you’re all terrible, the lot of you.

Lily saw the notifications on her laptop and selected a random one. She almost choked on her tea as she saw a photo of Emmeline Vance flirting with and touching James, her James.

STAR-CROSSED LOVERS

Emmeline Vance and James Potter met at the recent football game that took place in Glasgow, Scotland. While James Potter was away on tour, his girlfriend and mother of his son Harry James Potter was at their home in Brighton, England unsuspecting the heartbreak that would soon take over.

Anyone can see the look of love in which Potter looks at Vance. Two star-crossed lovers forced apart only due to their different teams–a pair of teams which have been rivals for the last decade–but due to Potter’s forced commitment to Evans and her child, Potter and Vance may never be.

'Take that, Vance,’ Lily mumbled bitterly as she continued to read comments debating whether Lily or Emmeline was better suited towards James (her heart broke a little every time she read someone calling her a slut and saying James deserved better than her, her heart broke more when they said he was only with her because of Harry). Some questioned whether Lily would date another marauder–as Sirius had jokingly referred to himself as and the name in the plural had been used in reference to the rest of the guys as well since–if she and James really did break up.

(video)

moments before 4:39

'Please, love,’ James groaned as he selected to drink lemon juice.

'You have to it’s part of the game,’ she laughed.

'I wouldn’t make you do it,’ his pout almost had her. 'Plus, it’s called eat it or wear it not drink it and die.’

'That’s besides the point, and you would absolutely have made me do it.’

He cupped her face again, 'I’ll do anything, Lil.’ His eyes were wide and dark and so hypnotizing. 'Please?’ He looked just like Harry did when he pleaded for something, and she couldn’t help but smile goofily at her boyfriend’s antics.

'Fine, just this once.’ He swooped in and kissed her cheek before she could react. A blush presented itself on her face. She looked at him adoringly, no matter how much of a prat he had once been, he somehow won her heart. She saw him look at her just as lovestruck.

(January, unknown year, Lily is two-months pregnant)

'Say something, James,’ the almost twenty-year old begged of him.

'Marry me,’ the words slid so naturally from his lips.

'I…what?’ Whatever she had expected it hadn’t been that.

'Marry me, Lily Evans,’ his eyes looked into hers, pleading. His hands cupped her face gently into his palms. His eyes drinking in her expression, 'please?’

'I’m sorry but I can’t.’ He shut his eyes, releasing her from where he held her. He got up from his seat next to her, 'I can’t be here right now,’ he uttered whether to himself or to her, she wasn’t sure.

'James, please don’t…’

'I love you, but I can’t be around you right now.’ With that he left, leaving her to cry her heart out.

(two weeks later)

They had barely spoken except to fight–even in the things she found endearing like James’ hair ruffling seemed to be a reason to start a fight.

'You’re so frustrating,’ he screamed at her, his face burning at that that point. 'All you ever do now is start fights.’

'Like you never start anything, Mr I’m So Perfect.’

'I don’t know why I bother any more.’ She wouldn’t admit how much that hurt her to hear.

'If you don’t like it then leave. No one is telling you to stay.’ Please don’t, she thought.

'It’s my flat.’ He ran his fingers through his hair, 'I’m leaving.’

'It’s your flat, like you said. I should be the one to leave.’

'That’s not what I meant.’

'What do you mean?’ her voice had gone softer, more vulnerable than it had been for the last few weeks. James could have swore he heard a whimper.

'I got offered a spot on Puddlemere United, my favourite football team. He looked at the shocked look on her face, the hurt.

'So…you’re leaving?’ Her voice displayed all the vulnerability she felt.

'I…maybe…no…yeah.’ She could see the uneasiness he felt, the indecisiveness.

'Have a nice life, James Potter.’

She attempted to keep her emotions in check. 'Lily, please.’

She could hear the regret in his voice, she just couldn’t make herself care at the moment, 'Goodbye, James.’

She left to her flat where she finally allowed herself to breakdown in tears. James was her first love, her only love really. She briefly considered not having the child or giving it–them–up. Yet she could imagine giving up any child that was part James. She didn’t know what she’d do without him. She was only nineteen, she didn’t know how to be a mother.

She ignored his texts, his calls, and his emails all week. It was better this way she rationalised. She looked at her stomach sadly, 'I’m sorry, baby, I don’t know what to do.’ She thought her eyes would be permanently red from all the crying.

She was lying on her bed when she heard a door open. She panicked for a moment before remembering who else had a key, and she wasn’t sure which alternative she preferred.

The door to her bedroom opened slowly, 'You can’t ignore me all week, Lily.’

'What do you want,’ her tone tried to be cool but came out slightly shaking.

He walked towards her and pressed his lips to hers. His lips moving gently over hers, his tongue begging for entrance. She hated herself for kissing him back.

'I love you, Lil,’ he said as he tore himself away from her, 'I love you more than anything. I don’t mind if you never want to marry me. I love you and want to make us work–for us and for the baby.’ He crushed his lips against hers again. His hands gripping her hair, pinning her to the bed.

'And you won’t leave me?’ she said tearing herself away, letting his lips fall onto her neck where he clung to her.

'No,’ he let his lips pepper kisses up her neck, 'You, I’ll never leave.’ He raised his head to look into her eyes, 'But please, no more fighting,’ his arms gripped her waist harder and let his other hand run through her red locks.

'No more fighting,’ she promised before kissing him once more and perhaps a few times after that.

(present)

'Lil, where are you?’ James asked as Harry clung to his back. 'Get off, Har-Bear,’ James said as he bent down.

'Why?’ he pouted as he was set down.

'I want to find mummy.’ He said as he looked around the room to make sure she wasn’t asleep on the sofa as she often did. 'Are you hungry,’ he added to his son as an afterthought.

Harry shook his head, 'I ate at grandma and grandpa’s. They even bought me an ice cream for dessert.’

'Okay,’ he ruffled his son’s hair affectionately. 'I’m going to check on mummy, I’ll be right back.’ His son nodded before turning his attention on the sleeping cat.

'Hey, love, are you okay? It’s about five in the afternoon, and you’re in bed.’ He went to her side of the bed and began stroking her hair gently. She mumbled something into her pillow.

'What was that?’

'Everyone wants you to marry Emmeline Vance and thinks Harry and I are holding you two from eloping and being in love.’

His heart hurt seeing his lovely girlfriend hurting over what some idiots who couldn’t mind their own business wrote, 'The internet is ridiculous. I love you and Harry more than anything and if it makes you feel any better, my phone’s been blowing up with tweets of how cute we are and how much of an idiot I’d be to break it off. I rather agree, you’re quite the catch.’ He kissed her head gently, 'You’re an excellent mother, funny, intelligent, gorgeous, and you tolerate my awful jokes.’

She laughed, rolling over to lie on her stomach, her watery eyes looking up at him, 'Your jokes are rather awful.’

He moved to lie down next to her. 'Emmeline Vance has nothing on my love for you.’

'Promise?’ she asked as she snuggled closer to him.

'Promise.’

If there’s one thing the internet could see–no matter how much the internet deluded themselves into thinking otherwise–it’s that they were in love.

'Hey, Har?’ James shouted from the bedroom.

'Yes, daddy?’ Harry said, running in with the cat in his arms. James laughed at his precious son.

'Can you go get mummy’s present? The one I showed you yesterday.’ Harry had a big smile on his face as he sped away with Godric still in his arms.

'What present?’ Lily asked sleepily.

He kissed her temple, 'Stay awake and you’ll find out.’

'Mmm…you’re warm,’ she mumbled, snuggling closer.

'I got it!’ Harry rushed into the bed, jumping up and down as James attempted to take the object out of Harry’s tiny hand. When James finally managed to achieve his goal, he crawled out of bed, this caused Lily to whimper at the loss of contact.

'Come back.’ Harry and Godric replaced James’ place, snuggling Lily which in turn caused her to erupt into giggles and place kisses all over her son. 'At least one of you loves me.’ Her eyes had once again shut, the tiredness pulling her in. 'Mmm…nevermind, Harry snuggles better than you do.’

Harry looked up as his father let out a low chuckle, 'Fair enough, love.’

Harry watched as his father walked back over to the bed before pausing to tie his shoe, or at least that’s what Harry thought. Harry didn’t understand why he needed to tie his shoe when he could be cuddling with him and mummy.

'Hey, love, open your eyes for me,’ his fingers had begun tracing up and down her arms until they finally fluttered open to see him down on one knee.

'Hey, Lil,’ James began nervously as he three* sets of green eyes focused on him.

'Yeah,’ she probed, her eyes having widened upon seeing him in his current position, his fingers clumsily taking a ring out of a box.

'Marry me, will you,’ his voice was vulnerable, his eyes shut as if that wasn’t quite what he had meant to say–or more likely how he was meant to say it.

She moved closer to him, slightly moving their son in order to reach him. She leaned forwards and gave him a quick peck on the lips, completely aware of their son watching their every movement.

'If I must,’ she teased as she pulled away, pulling him up to the bed. She hugged him to her, snuggling into his chest as he placed a kiss on her head whilst Harry cheered, with Godric purring his approval.

From then on, no one on social media spoke about how Lily interfered with the star-crossed lovers but rather how radiant Lily Evans would look like in her wedding dress.

Notes for the asterisks.

For the one regarding Rita’s inside source, it was not Peter. I imagined it as Petunia, mostly because of what she had to say about James.

The three pairs of green eyes for the second one refers to Harry, Lily, and the cat.

#jilychallenge #au #jily oneshot #siriuslywriting #oneshot #muggle au #au oneshot #social media au #youtuber au #friends: marauders #couple: jily #c: infant harry #engaged: jily #insecure!lily #football james au #domestic!jily #tw: abortion mention #tw: cursing

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outfitandtrend · 2 years

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#FASHIONFORMEN

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aiaranradnay · 7 years

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the SOS

A/N: this is for @frickfracklesackles challenge which i was supposed to post like ages ago.. so sorry about that.

my prompt : “zombie apocalypse with quote “To the well-organized mind, death is but the next great adventure.” ― Harry Potter and the Philosophers Stone”

pairing : Dean x Reader

word count : i don't really remember... its way above 500 *rolls eyes*

warnings : meh... idk. Its flangst ... and character death..? yea..

Beta-ed by the host of the challenge @frickfracklesackles thank you so much :)

feedback is very much appreciated even if its just a ‘fuck you’ ;)

Loud mullet rock blared through the speakers of the sleek, black car as the boys drove towards a town in the middle of nowhere. Sam was sitting shotgun, buried in the pile of research and maps.

This little town didn’t even exist on the maps, yet suddenly it was all over the news. Apparently they had launched a new video game – a real life-like experience with uncut gore, blood, and high end graphics. Now, that wasn’t a big deal; kids these days often pulled up a new stunt, got famous and made the town proud. The real deal started when the ‘life like experience’ turned into ‘real life’ itself. Things escalated from bad to worse and soon the boys were packing up for a road trip to this particular town. Dean was currently drumming his fingers on the steering wheel, his mind preoccupied by the SOS message he had received that morning and wondered if they would get there fast enough to save the sender. His foot subconsciously hit the gas, accelerating further.

They had been over the case files at least a hundred times by now, yet they were clueless. The few survivors they interviewed were a dead end, either too petrified or too awestruck by the events to give out sensible info. The SOS sender was now unavailable – this was terrible news. Dean sighed heavily, trying to convince himself that nothing was wrong. You were a highly experienced hunter. There was no way that you could’ve been outsmarted by some crap game. He smiled a bit, remembering your love for video games. You must have been real pissed about the case. By the end of day two, the only info they had managed to dig up was that the main theme of the game was a zombie apocalypse, the only goal being survival. The game was available in the town’s only cafeteria. It was a new place, built just a few months ago. All players were to sign in and provide some minimal details so that the game could program itself to the person’s liking. Each person that had played the game was convinced that they were out there for real. The first few to play, who were now dead, hadn’t survived the apocalypse in the game either. Over the days, people managed to complete the game, but now lived in the trauma. One even committed suicide, convinced that he had been bitten by a zombie and hence was a threat to the town. The boys had no clue about the creator – what new monster they were dealing with.

With the time running out, they were left with one choice... to simply wing it. Gearing up with the usual defence ammo, they set off to the café. One game of rock, paper, scissors later and Dean was walking to the game station in the café while Sam watched the perimeter for the troublemaker. Dean nervously sat to play, entering the details into the screen and waiting while the game loaded. A sudden shock wave coursed through his body and he found himself lying on the barren grounds of the game world. His green eyes wide with shock and alarm, he hurriedly pushed himself upright. Looking down on himself, he inspected his change of clothing; gone were the layers of flannel, replaced by survival gear, his usual handgun in a holster. He also carried a fully loaded machine gun, another two rounds of its ammo strapped to his belt. He hardly had time to admire them as the first horde of the dead men appeared. It was slow and foul. About a score of zombies – decaying, mutilated and gross looking, trudged towards him, their arms outstretched, a low rumbling growl of hunger echoing through the place when they spotted him. Dean knew that guns weren’t exactly the best weapon choice when it came to zombies, but it was definitely better than having nothing. He pressed the trigger, shooting a few right in the head, bringing them down. A few more of the undead joined in, their pace more hurried now. Dean backed off slowly, shooting down the newcomers that simply kept coming, before he turned and sprinted off, trying to find safer grounds.

He soon reached what looked like a cluster of abandoned buildings. Slipping into one of the rooms, he inhaled in wheezes as he calmed his racing heart. He needed a strategy. To face the zombies head on was plain suicide. From what the other surviving players had said, he had to trust ‘the girl’. “Find the Easter egg... she’ll help you win” they had said. He had no clue what that meant and wished you were around. He sighed, wondering why you’d sent the SOS... this case was totally your forte. A sudden whoosh of cold breeze broke his train of thought. His hand immediately found his gun, clicking off the safety catch, ready to fire. A soft ‘plink’ sounded from across the room. He raised his gun in the direction of the sound, steadily moving forward. The sound repeated - this time from the opposite end, and again from the other side. He soon was whipping his head around like a mad man, trying to find the true source of the sound. Was it the monster they were hunting? Suddenly, peals of laughter filled the air; high pitched and melodic causing Dean to freeze. No it couldn't be. He throat went dry with disbelief. That was exactly how you laughed.

Was he missing you that bad now?

"Oh my god! You should have seen your face. You looked spooked." Dean swung around to see you standing there at the corner, laughing your head off. Your hands rested on your hips, trying to hold yourself steady while you guffawed. Your words came out in a broken string of phrases, interrupted by hiccups of laughter. Dean simply stared at you. You still looked the same; your soft hair framing your face, your eyes shining even brighter with the tears of laughter, your lips parted as your gasped for breath. That whole look of pure happiness you had upon seeing him.... almost as if you'd never parted ways all those years ago, and yet, you were so translucent. It was all so surreal. "Y/N?" He reached out, his hand seeking you, wanting to be sure that you were real. Just as he touched your shoulder, you dissipated with a hiss. He withdrew his hand, cursing under his breath. "Dude! Don't do that. You're wearing iron you dumbass" he subconsciously twisted the ring on the his finger. You had gifted that to him two birthdays ago. You popped back on the other side of the room. "Y/N..." he started. “What is all this? Are you a - a - " You dismissed his question "I'll answer everything later Dean. First you gotta tell me. Do you know what you're hunting? Is Sam with you?" "Um yeah... He was, before I got sucked in here." He stated." And no... we don't know what we're dealing with." "Ah shit! I hoped you would figure it out. That's why I sent you the SOS message. Without knowing what the creature is, Sam's toast. We have to get it before it finds him... And the only way out of here is by finishing the game. Come on now... We got zombies to kill." You said while heading out, signaling him to follow. As the two of you hurried past a few buildings, you continued to tell him what you'd learnt. "It's a trickster... An actual one this time. I’ve got a stake in my car. We just need to get outta here." You suddenly stopped and raised your hands, making a rusted truck go airborne and sent it flying towards the oncoming zombies. Dean joined in, shooting down as many as he could. You bashed a few zombies into each other. Blood and goo seemed to spray everywhere. Within no time, the two of you had reached your destination; a train station. “This is where it ends,” you said, turning to Dean. “You see that train there? That’s our ticket outta here... and it leaves in ten minutes. The problem however, is the horde of zombies that’ll be here in about two seconds. You gotta climb aboard and leave, I’ll hold them off. Hurry now!” you motioned, not looking at his face. Dean didn’t budge; instead he just loaded his guns and stood by your side. "I'm not leaving you here by yourself, sweetheart. We're gonna get out of this together." You gave a small nod before preparing yourself for the fight, reigning in all your power. This fight would need much more strength than usual; you'd probably even disintegrate due to the exertion. But that was a headache left for later. The first wave of the undead came at you, their pace surprisingly quick. You concentrated hard, making things fly into the nearest group of uglies. Dean tried his best to assist you, shooting clean headshots. The two of you made an excellent team, and together you were unstoppable. While you crushed them, Dean bashed their brains out with the hilt of the machine gun, the bullets emptied a long time before. The battle was almost won. Then, the ten minutes were up. Your attention was now divided, as you concentrated on holding the train in place, forcing it not to leave and fight the monsters at the same time. The strain was tearing you apart, and you were sure to snap in no time. If you lost control of this, you'd go wild and beastly and probably even kill Dean in your fit of insanity. Dean seemed to notice your exhaustion and took the lead. The two of you backed off towards the train as fast as you could while fighting. As you hopped onto the train you let go of the restrain, causing it to jerk ahead before gaining full momentum and thrusting you two out of the game world.

An hour later, the boys were in the café, cleaning up the mess. Between the two of them, the trickster stood no chance of survival. Dean had plunged the stake deep into its heart while Sam distracted it. You had stayed out of the scene, not wanting to startle Sam and throw him off his game. However, you had to face him at some point... and the opportunity presented itself when he came to rip the game lines off the power board. As his hands found the main cord, the air around him turned colder, and you shimmered into existence. His hands immediately found his gun, his eyes wide in shock. Dean hurried from across the room. "Sammy don't!" "Put the gun down, Sammy" you chimed, "I'm just here to talk." The boys had a million questions to ask, but one look from you shut them up. You then told them your story. You’d come here for the game, not really realizing that it was a potential case. You just heard the praise of the game and had popped up to try. Once in the game, you realized that something was terribly wrong. However, the only way out of the game was by playing it till the end. So you played. You were the first one to finish the game and come out victorious; the only player to have successfully defeated the game. Upon further investigation, you realized that the other players were dead and it was all some kind of twisted joke of a trickster. By then, the trickster had known who you were; he'd ambushed and killed you, just when you were calling the boys for backup. You’d chosen not to leave and tethered yourself to the game ever since; the gamers who played after that had your help in winning the game. The only reason you'd stuck around without turning into an angry damned spirit was because you expected the boys to come and had willed yourself to stay sane at least till then. Now that the case was done, it was your cue to leave. Dean seemed heartbroken; he was blaming himself for what had happened. Sam excused himself, knowing the two of you needed to talk. "Dean..." you started. "It’s not your fault, okay? I knew I was dying when I sent that SOS. stop blaming yourself, there's nothing you could've done.” he refused to meet your eye, his expression pained, his face looking way older with grief. When he finally looked at you, his eyes glistened with unshed tears of guilt. “Come on Deano! You gotta cheer up! The case is done!"

He sighed wearily. "So what’s next? You’re gonna die... for real. How is that supposed to be a happy thing?" "Dean! I'm going to another world altogether! I’m gonna experience an afterlife! How is that not fun and exciting?" He raised his eyebrows in disbelief. “Only you can be crazy enough to be excited about dying.” he huffed. Your eyes sparkled with excitement. "To a well-organized mind, death is but the next great adventure...” you smiled, "...and this is gonna be the biggest adventure of all time." Sam had returned by the time your conversation ended. "Thank you for coming, boys. You are the best family I’ve ever had. Burn the game, just in case. See you in a billion years... wish me luck." you smiled broadly, winking a goodbye. The whole room was filled with hues of orange and gold as your translucent frame lit up, and you found your salvation. The boys piled into the car, ready to leave, But Dean still seemed sombre. "You know what sucks, Sammy?" The younger one simply raised his eyebrow in question. "I never got the courage or the chance to tell her that I loved her."

Sam was rifting through your belongings, the ones that Dean had insisted they take after they failed to find your body. A packet of letters addressed to the boys fell on his lap. "Actually... Dean?" A lone letter sat in the younger Winchester's hand as he read through it. "I think she already knew it." He held up the letter for his brother to see. "Dear Dean, By the time you get this, I'm pretty sure I'll be dead. But i do owe you an explanation, so here goes… The reason I left all those years ago was because I fell for you... and I knew you felt the same when I heard you talking to Sam. But we couldn't have been together. I have too many mistakes on my name...mistakes that could harm you. You are an amazing person and i am blessed to have had you in my life. Take care of yourself. I'm sorry Dean... I love you too. Yours forever, Y/N."

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