wallmark doodles because i have a problem

Also for a moment i had a mark headcanon that he used to have legs but then had a serious injury causing him to use a stand

But then i remembered all the other mannequins

ALSO I FORGOT LAMEPERT HERE

i hope i die, you broke my heart

reconsidering my future my career my major type beat ( i am too stupid to do anything that matters and im really gonna do it one of these days )

trigger/content warning eating disorder vent

I am so god damned tired of having a fucking eating disorder. this shit never seems to get better it only ever gets worse and worse and worse. i am like purging about half of what i eat these past few weeks and like idk its bad but im losing weight. its so stupid cause like it controls so so manyt of my choices i am so tires of it being my reason behind so much of my motivations and actions. no matter how i move on from other things that is the one thing that seems to stay, anf like not only stay but progress and get worse and like cause way way more issues than it has ever fucking been worth. I am so tired of my fucking brain yelling at me for eating, or like for simply not moving enough during the day and then ending up eating. I cant even fucking enjoy almost any food at all and its gonna drive me crazy, if i enjoy it too much i want more and then i have to throw it up. every little thing that causes me issues i decide that the fix to that is for some reason binge-purging and or starving myself or excercising until i cant move. i just want to stop its been like this since i was like fucking 13/14 its horrible i am so so so tired. and like finding eating disorder social media has been amazing in some respects but in others it has made things so so so much worse. I wasnt able to purge before i found a few specific threads on eatind disorder forums, and like eating disorder tumblr and twitter and instagram have given me so so much community and feeling understood but also has given unhealthy tips and habits. and information and images that i will never unlearn. Through them i have met people years ago that i am friends with still and for that i will be so so thankful but the damage it has caused also is quite extreme and i dont know how i will ever come back from it. i havent been able to eat without thinking about the calories or what i have to do or if i should throw it up in years. it fucking sucks im so done. everyone is like you need help you need help you need to eat you need to get it together. talk to me. i can help. i wont eat until you do. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST SHUT UP IT ISNT ABOUT YOU JUST SHUT UP. this is so so much more than i ever thought it would be, i miss my life before i didnt have this, before it was fuciing ingrained. my worry now is if i will ever be able to recover. i have been tracking calories, restricting, bingeing, purging for years now, i dont know how i could ever really grow too far beyond thay it has become such an integral part of my life. i feel doomed. there doesnt feel like hope, there isnt a light at the end of the tunnel anymore, it went out years ago.

Ok so im trash and I love reading a/b/o fics like sometimes they just hit different with the found family trope

ANYWAYS I've seen a lot of svsss fics where shen yuan is transported into an a/b/o world snd is obviously like struggling handling all of that like how to be an omega/alpha or whatever

But how fuckjng funny would it be if he was originally from an a/b/o world and was transported into some weird normie world where none of that is a thing and he has to handle dealing with a world where an entire silent language (like body language) is suddenly gone, and if he had a dynamic like lets say omega, suddenly not having to go through heats and hes so used to like simple daily scent marking that he does it with his students and peers and everyone is like ?????? Why the fuck is SQQ so touchy now??? I just saw him rub cheeks with LQG and he's always tilting his head at YQY wtf???

And once SQQ finds out about SQH they both just spend all day snuggled up pack bonding even tho they don't need too and everyone is convinced they're in a relationship cause wtf is that about???

He affectionately calls his disciples his pups once and everyone is weird out and there is a whole new round of "is SQQ fucking possessed?????"

Also I just think this would make his trial funnier like "hes being inappropriate with his students!!" "I'm pack bonding u stupid fuck how will they know they did a good job or that they're mine if they don't get proper physical scent marking??" "JAIL FOR 100 YEARS!!!"

it's 2am and i'm lying in bed crying over a fucking joshler fic, this is where my life is at now i guess

12:36AM 06/29/20

We watched mother dearest, a women beats her child with a unwrapped hanging wire, that’s when you said that’s real abuse. I don’t do that now do i? How can I be abusing you? This is real abuse you don’t know anything about it. You’re fucking lucky, spoiled princess brat! I met a homeless girl who’s parents were actually abusive you know nothing of what it’s like, it’s horrific. Some of those scenes,,make me think of you now. Sure you didn’t mercilessly beat me, but you did make me feel worthless, unloved, so fucking bad a mother couldn’t love her own child, stupid, crybaby, over anxious, judge mental, holding grudges, toxic, abusive, you screamed and yelled at me. You threw things at me once, once god that’s so fucking stupid it was only once. Fuck you. I fucking hate you, actually you don’t deserve my hate you deserve nothing firm me. You’re no different now then you were ‘the adults are talking! Don’t show ****** these Texts she’s a kid! She wouldn’t understand how brainwashed she is by you!! (I was not a kid) and I am currently especially not a kid’ so fuck you I have a right to see what you fucking write about me dumb whore! REMEMBER AT CHRISTMAS WHEN I YELLED AND SCREAMED AT YOU IN PUBLIC BECAUSE YOU FUCKING COULDNT ACCEPT WHAT YOU HAD DONE TO ME, AND NOW UPU GO JUST PLS DONT DO THAT AGAIN IDK IF I COUDL bear it 🥺🥺!! GO ABSOLUTELY FUCK YOURSELF!!!!!! YOU DONT REMEMBER MAKING ME CRY AMD SHAKE SO HARD I COULD BARELY WALK??? YOU JUST THREW INSULT AFTER INSULT AFTER ME AND FUCKING WAS FURIIOUS BECAUSE I WENT NON VERBAL, YOU ALWAYS BECAME SO FUCOKG ANGRY AT ME FOR BEING NON VERBAL IM SORRY I FUCIIKG SHUT DOWN?!!! SHWPING EMOTION AROUND YOU WAS DEADLY!!! IF IT WASNT CONGRUENT WITH YOUR FUCKING MOOD. YOU DOEVE SO FUCKING FAST DOWN WIDNONG ROADS LAYE AT NIGHT FUCKED UP WITH ME ITS A FUCIING MIRICALE I DIDNT DIE THAT WE DIDNT WVER CRAHS! GO FUCK YOURSELF FUCK UOU FUCK YOU!!!! YOU COULD HANDLE ME? YELKING YOUR OWN ABUSE BACK AT YOU GO FUCKING DIE!!!! YOU MADE ME FEEL LIKE IT WAS MY AFULT!!!!!!! I HAGE YOU

you in a corset? we stan a beautiful queen😩 that's understandable, you better be using little free time you have to rest! or i'll come to fight you!🥺 askjajk listen, my love for Harley is off the charts, she is the love of my life. her and poison ivy? perfection🥰 arE YOU COSPLAYING HER? or just wearing it? either way, that's awesome!☺️ i am currently watching Good Place, but after s2 it is meh for me. b. hero mask and brooklyn 99 are good! - thirsty teru anon

QUEEEEEEEEEEEN?! YOU STAN ME?! SOMEONE STANS MEEEEE?! IM SO FUCIING HONORED LIKE WHAT EVEN?! YOURE THE BESTEST~

I'm answering but I'm a suuuuuuper tipsy maybe a bit more than si

Idk I have been kicking it with my fambam all day and bloody marys and then shots WHOOP WHOOPl= party time

Jaysus I cant type... this is in my phone btw... lawrdy lawrdy Yeesssss I love me some harley poor baby deserves all the love espe5since the joker is awful for and to her Imma need her to experience real love in the form of ivyyy

VAT JUST FLEW BY MY WINDOW QHAT WHHHAT?! CUTIES

lawrdy I'm probably more than tipsy honestly like...what eve n

YRS BITCH CORSETS! it's an under bust tho cause I got some small tiddies... queen of the itty bitty tiddie committee boosh~ yall know what I'm saying lol I dont even know what I'm saying

Ya know what's sad and funny really is that jts only 921pm and I'm like this... bbwhahaha

God I'm terrible

Oh well I'm feeling good... kinda

I really just wanna sleep everything is spinning... tmro is the day tho for the fest and I'm super pumped...might skip out on church just so that I'm bright eyed and bushy ready for the fest... that's the saying right? Idek anymore at this point

Stupid phone autocorrect ruining my shiiit why you gotta be like such!? Huh?!

Gosh I love you thirsty teru anon you're so sweet 😘😘😘

I can't type anymore ita making me nauseous sorry LOOOOOOOOOVE 😖😖😖

IM SO FUCIING STUPID I MADE A SANDWICH AND FOUND LETTUCE BUT THEY’RE NOT LETTUE IT’S DECORATIVE LEAVES

i feel so fucking disgustingseeing thosephotos

theya re all our memories that we had together thigns we did together part of our fucking life

imsure using the photo ofOUR pet is gettig you loads of fucking nudes on snapchat too, what else is the point of leaving it there

im so fucking hurt and digusted everything yous aid was a fucking lie

you meant none of it no wonder you were fine the entire time you never meant anything you never meant any of it it was all lies

you know you were going to do this you knew what was going to happen and you just fucking leaad me on you fucking made me belive that you might still actualy want me

you might actually stillwant this fucking realstioshi[

you tell me you love e andyou dont want to do this and then a few weeks later youre out doing this probably fucking other girls

i hope you realise how much fucking pain youve caused and i dont care if youre in any because you did all of this 

you fucking pretend to love someone you fucking pretend to support them and when it gets to hard you still try to keep the illusion and the fucking lies going 

i cant belive i was so fuciing stupid

and i cant belive that i still love you so fucking much 

Sometimes selfcare is completely ignoring canon BECAUSE ITS SO FUCKING STUPID AND IM GONNA FUCKING IGNORE IT AS HARD AS I CANT YOU FUCIING FBUNCH AOF ASSHOLES

dont rb, dont reply

good evening its a fantastic time to remember how utterly worthless and insignificant you are in everyone’s lives and how there’s nothing tethering you to this plane of existence apart from your relentless need to be the most pathetic, desperate bitch alive whos clinging to the absolutely asinine hope that somehow, someones gonna care one day or somethings gonna work out, despite the fact you know RATIONALLY that’s entirely implausible. good good good good good good good good FANTASTIC. 

what the FOCUS of tonights show is: why the hell am i so god awful at fucking everything i bloody try why the hell am i a fucking Failure in every god damn right why am i so stupid and talentless and just fucking Tragically Bad at literally fucking everything from being a fuckin human being to fucking everything else in the a-z dictionary g do i jsut. m an i dont know why i fucking . its again a case of jesus fucking chr ist this isnt worth it- like it isnt WORTH bothering to push forward, when i know that im not worth it, when EVeryone knows that my ass isnt fucking worht it, there’s not a Single fucing cell in this meatsack thats worth anyhting at all, and its so so damn fuck inng stupid to suffer and to fucking continue to try (notttt that thst works, huh) when i know fully damn fuck ing well Garbage Can mcgee her e should just be damn dead my god my fukinggod d9gdogjd hd hehehqwirudhsifh ehehehhehaea ws FUck me man i jsut. i just fuciing want to roll over and fucking die i dont see why the fuck not.

I really hope i do well on this kohls interview next monday..... I really need this second job.. Hopefully working with children will help me in a retail job lol

.

LMAO FINE

i guess whenever i try to do somehting for myself that’s automatically a bad thing lmao im so fucking frustrated i should just not do anything ever unless you specifically condone since that seems to a recurring theme .;

being ‘oh hey you should shower while i’m at work’ then while i’m in the shower you get on your fucking break and then. then THENN you fucking get on break and it’s myfault for not being there to deal with your shityy day just like you fuciing always have atwork yep that’s totally my fault and you have every fucking right to pretend that i just don’t care right?? right??? that’s it, isn’t it? i just don’t care cuz im not there to answer every single rucking text right? right??? how dare i not be there one time for you to bitch andcomplain to, right

its not like i don’t pick you up from work or cook your meals or make you coffee or by the groceries or pay the rent not like i didn’t drive nearly 600 miles just to get out here for you to be eevn more of a suction on my personal time not like that’s not driing me up the fucking wall that we can only ever do things that you condone that you want to do even though whenever i say i’m gonna go do something by myself you give me shit for you give me a guilt trip that  ‘oh your busy’ shit or the ‘guess i’ll just do nothing since i don’t have anything to do then UGH

guess ui’ll just stop showering all together. fuck me; why does it matter

why does any of this fucking matter i shouldve just fuclked off and drove off one of htose stupid mountainsides while i was on my way here for alll the fucking good i’m doing with my jobless self.

jobless college-less self what the fuck am i even good for

apparantly just guilting into doing things and being guilted out orf my free time

i don’t fucking have free time anymore what in the fuck am i doing anymore i dont have a sense of self i don’t have a sense of anything

my keyboard doesn’t deserve this angry typing.

maybe i should jsut show you this damn vent blog but what good would that do