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obsessedwrhys · 2 months

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𝘐'𝘓𝘓 𝘞𝘈𝘐𝘛 𝘍𝘖𝘙 𝘠𝘖𝘜𝘙 𝘓𝘖𝘝𝘌 𝘐𝘕 𝘈𝘕𝘖𝘛𝘏𝘌𝘙 𝘓𝘐𝘍𝘌

ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁 .ᐟ angst, death, cursing, no happy ending, reader is female (shes for the girls 😼💪)!! Tommy is sort of replaced by reader in some scenarios. Did no proof read this again (im lazy)!!

ᯓ★

From as long as you knew, the two of you were inseparable, having knowing each other for almost 6 years. When Marlene needed some smugglers to smuggle Ellie out of the city, you happened to be one of the three and that's how you guys first met. However, on the journey of finding the Fireflies, it seemed to be full of surprises.

Just when you thought it was the end, more just show up to throw you off guard.

Going from Ellie's lame dad jokes to having to look after her when Joel was in no condition to do anything. You barely had the chance to catch your breath. In a way you were like the older sister since you were one year bigger than her. That's why when it was revealed the doctors needed to kill her to create a vaccine, you were game with the idea of massacring the whole hospital.

After escaping from the Fireflies, in a way, it's like you guys were able to build a new life at Jacksons.

As you two grew older, you found yourself developing feelings for her. You hated yourself for letting it happen but at the same you couldn't stop the crush from growing.

The more time you spent with her, the more you start to notice the little details about her.

How she bites her lips when she's shy.

How she'll look away when she receives a compliment.

How she would share her collection of cards with just you.

... and the way her eyes seem to always sparkle when she spots you amongst the crowd.

All these things just made you fall for her harder. But even in this new lifestyle, it still seemed to come with a box of surprises.

You were in your own house, inside the kitchen preparing a cup of coffee for yourself. It was almost the evening but you couldn't deny your needs. Before you could even take a sip, your front door was slammed open and you turned to see who it was. Your cup still in hand.

To your surprise, you came face to face with an angry expresson on Ellie. However there was more to it, she looked upset, betrayed. That was when you heard a voice telling you inside your head that she must have found out about the truth you and Joel agreed to keep from her.

"You fucking knew" She said. A blank expression remained on your face as you took a sip of your coffee, still trying to maintain your image at this time.

"I don't know what you're talking about" You gently place your coffee on the kitchen counter. Your words having her scoff out of disbelief.

"Don't play dumb with me! I'm not a fucking kid anymore!" She took a few steps closer.

You let out a sigh as your eyes trailed off to the window, looking at the outside. Your lack of response just pissing her off even more. Suddenly, she rushed forward and grabbed you by the shirt. Her actions getting your attention instantly.

"Look at me!" She shouted.

"Look at me and tell me!"

"Tell you what? That I killed all those people for you? That I saved you from those doctors? Is that what you want to hear?!" You raised your voice.

It was the first time she ever see you this angry and this was the first time you see her direct her anger at you. She glares at you before letting go of you, shoving you slightly against the kitchen counter which made several of the kitchenware dangle on the rack.

"How could you...?" She said, her expression now full of hurt.

"It doesn't matter anymore. It already happened. Ellie, this is your life now..." You took a step forward but she ended up taking a step back.

"My life could have meant something"

"Your life would have ended that day! Fuck... listen... Ellie... there was no way that vaccine was gonna work anyways. They were just basing it off a bunch theories. You have to understand" You said but it didn't change her mind even in the slightest. Within seconds, the hatred returned back on her face as she looks at you.

"I never wanna see you again" She said and before you could say anything else, she stormed out the house and left you all alone to your thoughts.

You sigh as you ruffle through your hair out of frustration. How could this happen? How did she find out? Did Joel tell her? Fuck... you rest both your hands on the counter top. Your cup of coffee already growing cold.

Just when you thought your life was hell, a bunch of people from somewhere had ambushed you and Joel when you guys were out on patrol.

The blonde girl you had thought was just another survivor being the one smashing his head open with a golf club and you couldn't do anything as you were knocked out. It was Ellie's cries that had awoken you moments later.

Your eyes fluttered open to be met with the sight of Ellie holding Joel close to her chest, tears streaming down her face while her clothes were dirtied with his blood. She was clinging to him like she was hoping being closer to him would bring him back. But it never happened. During his funeral, you couldn't even show up. The guilt was killing you.

You could have stopped it...

Why didn't you stop it?

Restless nights drove you insane. Apart from the checkups from Tommy, you felt like you were truly alone. You hadn't think this feeling would come to haunt you again after moving to Jacksons. Which led to your rational decision to set out on your way of finding the blonde girl behind this. Nothing but a note left on the kitchen table just for anyone who happens to look for you.

It was hard, you didn't only have the infected to deal with but also a cult. You survived and work your way closer to the location marked on your map.

But in the end, all of it didn't matter because when you finally came close to getting your revenge, you blew it, the girl's physique was larger compared to yours so she easily won over the duel and knocked you into the ocean. It was a miracle you made it to shore.

You felt numb.

Your ears ringing.

In a way you felt that you had failed Ellie.

Because you knew you were never gonna be the girl she looks up to anymore.

You will forever be known as the girl that broke her trust.

The girl she hates.

God sometimes it feels like no matter how hard you try it was never enough...

With your back on the sand, you couldn't help but chuckle a bit. It was silly but you always thought that maybe you'd have a chance with her. What a world would that be?

"(Y/N)?"

You look over your head to see Jesse standing there, your perspective upside down as he rushes over to you. Once he was sure you were okay, he started to fill you in with the things that happened after you left.

As it turns out Ellie had also set out for the same exact goal.

After you were gone, she was confronted by Tommy in hopes she knew where you were headed. To his surprise, she had no clue since the last time you guys spoke was the argument in your house.

Despite the fact that part of her journey was for seeking revenge, she was also worried for you. She had to admit. She was scared. After losing Joel, she didn't want to lose you too. However in the end when she had to choose between finding the girl behind the death of Joel and finding you, she had picked the first one.

Luckily, Jesse was able to take you to where Ellie was at. When you rushed in the aquarium, you found her hunched over and vomiting. Close-by there were two dead bodies, one of them being a pregnant woman. Almost like it was an instinct, you quickly moved to where Ellie was. A hand placed on her back and the other her shoulder.

"Hey... Ellie... its me..." You said, your tone gentle. The sight of you somehow made her relax a bit.

"I...I just... oh god... I didn't mean to..." Her eyes constantly glancing over at the body of the pregnant woman as she stutters but you quickly grab her by the side of her face before she could again.

"It doesn't matter... we have to go..." You told her but she was still hyperventilating. With your arm around her, you ended up dragging her away from the place.

Eventually on the way to the theater they were using as hideout, you guys decided to rest for a while and set up a small camp inside an abandoned book store. Jesse took notice that you two needed time alone and volunteered to keep watch somewhere else. There was tension in the air but you tried to ignore it by making sure the fire didn't die.

"You shouldn't have left without me" Ellie blurted out and you chose to put aside the twig to focus on the conversation.

"You said you didn't want to see me again... so I didn't" You said. The sounds of the fire crackling filling up the quiet night.

You were curious at her silence.

Is she thinking right now?

Did you just piss her off even more?

"You're right" She got up and suddenly began walking over to the other side of the room. You didn't say anything but just watch her rest at the corner before looking back at the fire.

Great job, you fucked up again.

The next morning, you guys continued on your way to the theater while also looking for some supplies inside the buildings nearby. You ended up checking on a small convenience store by yourself while Ellie and Jesse tried to get in the huge supermarket. You walked down the aisle and was able to find several snacks still edible. Then you saw a door.

Staffs Only.

That room has to be crawling with supplies. You twist open the doorknob and began exploring inside, checking every lockers to find it rich with medicines and bandages. It's a miracle this place wasn't looted by that cult.

After your bag was filled to the brim, you started to head out but the second you take a step forward, something grabbed you by the foot which made you fall on your face.

You grunt when you felt a sharp pain on your ankle. You looked down and to your horror you found it was an infected grabbing onto you, the bottom half of its body was missing but that didn't matter right now because its grip was already digging deep into your flesh. Quickly, you took out your gun and shot it multiple times in the head until it goes limp.

"Shit..." You sigh as you rest your head on the ground to process the adrenaline, your feet kicking the infected corpse off you.

Sooner or later, you made it to the hideout with the two. You found yourself settled inside a room to rest. Your bag placed against the sofa while you ran your hands across the face. You felt tired. Suddenly when you tried to lift your feet up to lay down, you felt a sharp pain, rolling up your pants you found a bite mark just inches above the bruises.

For a moment, you thought that your heart had stopped beating. Oh shit shit shit shit this can't be real. You can't be infected. Fuck... Your panic was interrupted when there was a knock on the door. You looked up in a panic.

"Hey um... you got a minute?" She asked. It was Ellie.

You were scared and you sure as hell didn't want her to come in so you remained quiet because inside your head, it felt like there was a red alarm sounding off. You've been infected. You could turn in a few hours from now.

"I'm sorry for the other night" She said which had you look at the door, imagining it's her you're looking at.

"I just figured it'd be easier to hate you than to forgive you"

"But after what happened to Joel... I can't let that happen to us too..." You could hear her sigh on the other side.

"It'll take some time for me to forgive you for what you did but... I'm willing to try... we can start over" She said.

Damn it... this moment could have been perfect... this was everything you had hoped for but at the same time, you knew you weren't going to make it out of this room alive. No matter what you do or say, it won't matter.

"I understand if you're still mad at me. I just hope that you'll also try" You quickly looked away while trying to wipe the tears from your face.

"Maybe after this we can try living together? I mean... your house is pretty big so I thought it can be kind of lonely sometimes. We can keep each other company... start a farm maybe..." She said and you could sense she was smiling a bit from her tone.

You felt your chest hurt. Is the infection spreading already? You can feel your teeth loosening like they'll fall off. Your silence had Ellie take the hint you wanted to be alone which had her smile faltered a bit.

"Look... You're still my best friend and I still care about you so I'm sorry for always making you feel like shit. You know I love you right?" She said and you closed your eyes in hopes of stopping the tears from pouring out.

"I love you too" You mouthed the words but you couldn't bring yourself to say it because even if you did, she'll never be able to understand how you truly felt about her.

"Just promise me you won't do anything stupid again. I can't afford to lose you..."

You clear your throat, feeling it go painfully sore. How could you keep a promise like that? Just then you could hear her walk away with the sound of her footsteps growing faint.

The second you were sure you were now left alone, you hurried to your feet to look at yourself in the mirror. You panicked. Why does this have to happen?

Why did it have to be you?

You pull on your hair out of frustration but then you felt several strands of it easily ripped out just from your grip. Your eyes widened as you felt like your heart was beating from your ears.

You were worried about what Ellie would think.

She just lost Joel... now she's gonna lose you...

Fuck fuck fuck...

You sobbed almost pathetically to yourself. Not because you knew your life was over but you knew what you had to do.

It's the only thing you can do right now.

You went over to your bag and took out your gun. Maybe... shooting yourself instead of letting yourself turn could be less painful. You'd do everyone a favour.

You took a deep breath as you slowly start to point it at your head. Fuck you were actually gonna do it now.

Tears welling up in your eyes once again as snot filled your nose. You had so many regrets... so many things you never got to try.

Maybe in another life, an outbreak never happened. Maybe you and Ellie would still meet in that world. You guys could have gone to college together, maybe have coffee dates or staying up late together to have deep conversations like you two always did. You closed your eyes and let out a long shaky breath.

Maybe you guys could have been in love.

BANG

Your body falls on the ground like a sack of rice. All of your senses drowned out by the heavy smell of blood. As your body slowly started to die, you could hear the sound of the door being slammed open. A figure running over to your side to pick you up.

"Oh shit... nononono... wake up! You fucking idiot! Why'd you do that?!" Ellie cried as she hold you in her embrace.

"Fuck! Jesse! Get the med kit!" Ellie shouted but the light in your eyes were slowly dimming.

"No don't you fucking leave me! Not you too! (Y/N)!"

Her voice was now gone. It was quiet and hauntingly in a way it felt comforting. Almost like all of your problems were washed away.

There was no more surprises you had to worry about.

You could rest now.

#WOMP WOMP #sad violin noises #x reader #tlou2 #the last of us #ellie williams #ellie tlou #ellie the last of us #ellie x reader #ellie x fem reader #ellie williams x reader #ellie williams x female reader #ellie williams x y/n #angst #the last of us 2 #the last of us angst #ellie williams x reader angst

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mrvenuspluto · 30 days

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Chiron

And its unhealed wombs

This may be one of the most sensitive topics that touches on a emotionally scared, trauma based and premature wombs. This action dealing with astrology lays in each and everyone of our natal charts. Here you will get my insight, thoughts, and perspectives dealing with this comet. This comet was discovered on November 1, 1977 and said to be orbiting between saturn and uranus In 2015, astronomers said that chiron might have rings around it. On 2023, November 29, the science Institute said chiron doesn't have rings. It seem to be more like "evolving material " orbiting chiron. Im going give you my conclusion on those observations if you stick with me in a few! Well this comet was discovered orbiting between 2 of the most unique and and powerful planets in our solar system which are saturn and uranus.

We know chiron deals with " healing of the womb" our deepest emotional and spiritual wombs. Like a unreached place in our soul essence and mental breakdown. Saturn deals with discipline, structure, resilience, pain, suffering, overcoming obstacles and misfortunes and also the physical body. As in for the planet Uranus! Deals with and represents extremes, breakthroughs, your intuition, futuristic thinking, visionary, chaotic situations, innovation, rebellious, and being a raw genius. It's so much more for both, They both are very powerful in their own unique way.

I would think since this comet was discovered along side or in the energies of both of these planets it would carry alot of the same attributes good or bad. Like saturns hardships, struggles, lessons to be learned and overcome. Uranus unique and different ways of doing and handling situations, outburst and sudden changes without warning. Also the good and helpful benefits like uranus can make a person gain superior knowledge and be creative, forsee events happening and under their unusual gifts. With that saturn would give straight strength, resilience and determination to overcome any obstacle, situation, pain, and give you help with owning your new you.

Another thing, it was discovered on the date of November 1, 1977 ( 11 + 1 +1 + 9 + 7 + 7 = 36 or ( 1 + 1 + 1 + 1 + 9 + 7 + 7 = 27 ) they both equal the same equation. With that being said, they both equal 9, now 9 is a very powerful number its actually the last cardinal number in numerology. It represents you lived life, learned, endings, completions, spiritual growth, wisdom, humanitarian attributes. It also connects to alot other things in life. You can do anything with this number and dealing with math, life, spirituality numbers are everything, and have to come back to the number 9. Nothing is a coincidence in this realm we our in the same game of life, here to experience, learn, teach and evolve.

Chiron shows are deepest insecurities, wombs, weakness, problems with are mentality, physical abilities, and also are yearn for healing and helping others. Chiron is not to be cured or defeated! Its something thats deep in use that we cant remove just learn how to work with it, heal it, pamper it, attain to it, nuture it, and show others how to learn from what we been through while still in the process of healing its pain. Its like being bullied at youth, always being picked on until finally you had enough and spoke up and confronted the bully or fought the bully, win or lose! you still stood up for yourself and gained respect in the process. Even tho you dont get bullied anymore, still those images, and scenarios play back in your head of how you use to be or things you delt with effected you physically and emotionally.

People like this become very mentally tough, powerful. We all deal with some type of insecurity i are lifes. Most people hide theirs good in front of the public or family. But its only so long you can hide lifes problems. Alot people get diagnosed with a mental condition due from chiron enabling them to participate or engage in life like a normal civilian! Hmmm what is a normal civilian, no one is normal, we all have are unique and individual personalities and wombs. Like i stated earlier stick with me and i was going tell you my insight about this comet being classified as having no rings only "evolving materials". Well look at that representing chiron being unstable, not able to have real rings around its surface. Its always dealing with change, anxiety, popups, realization situations etc. The evolving materials represents you growing, learning, the process of growth, adding new layers to yourself as time go on.

These layers may not stick on you, as fast, but over time they will gain importance in your growth. People will see you adapt to your unfamiliar situations, not giving up as you verbally, physically, emotionally and spiritually express and help others on your path. Its important and vital to learn your chiron placement, and what story its telling you will become more empowered, grateful and see life for what it is. Chiron will be a reminder why you are here, what you need to do, what you need to handle, who you really are, why you havent stepped into your authentic self. This is a long journey a journey to experience all the triumphs, confusing situations, withdraws. Its the journey not the destination! No rush here! You are in a life changing transformation. These energies you been holding in, and blocking. Of course it will take time, patience and perseverance to see yourself rise like the Phoenix from the ashes!

Thats why this little comet is like a gem or a diamond in your natal chart! You can pay attention only to the planets, placements, aspects and other asteroids that you favor. But like they say money, power dont create bliss or truth happiness. Only when you go within, and understand your deep rooted pains and insecurities you will come out light as a kite and ascend to your highest potential, knowing that its nothing under your emotions or personality holding you back from being your true authentic self at your core, and soul level.

My opinion of the most challenging house placements for Chiron. I pay attention to the house more than the sign Chiron is in, The house placement has more of a significant role towards the individual. The house represents the area of life where Chiron will trigger. Now theses are the placements i aligned in order from the least challenging to the most challenging.

12. / 9th House

Chiron here deals with your spiritual and religous beliefs. Here you need to learn how to transform your mind into more of an expansive thinking. Transformation of emotional wounds into spiritual enlightenment. You may had come from a household that does things traditional or had a one way view on life and religous beliefs. Or you could of been a person in last life who never got into anything religous or spiritual, now you are seeking truth.

To heal / need to need to search for fulfillment is what you believe in, traveling, physically and mentally. Expanding your horizons, finding your own truth and not out dated traditional ways. Find your own truth, while on this journey you will heal and help others who also are lost in beliefs, traditional ways, and stuck in being stationery in their thoughts as well expansion.

11. / 10th House

The individual here has a case with not feeling connected or belonging in the career setting. Also has a fear of failure, not achieving the high status as others or what others expect of you. Career life could feel foreign and not reachable. You will want not step up to your role in the career life or just the status that awaits you. Fear of failure will be your downfall and shame of not being recognized like you want to be viewed.

To heal/ something lays good within you, leadership skills, authority and good public image. Once you embrace your difficulties with these powerful positions you will become a recognized face for the public and show others how to become self empowered. You could be a strong influential speaker, will others striving to achieve the impossible like you.

10. / 12th House

This is where you face deep subconscious wounds and tension. Past life pain from old trauma that effected your spiritual connection to the devine. Where its hard to connect to this 3D realm and relate practically. You may have a hard time playing a role in life, society or made to fit a image that is not you. Your boundaries be nonexistent so your energies may be everywhere, which causes you to retreat for solitude and isolation.

To heal/ choosing very wisely who you let into your life, but same time let other in to help your healing power open up and you can heal so many people with your profound energy. You are blessed with a unique healing aura, touch that can help others that your powerful senses detect. You need to balance the 2 realms, spiritual and material to become more intuned and work towards your healing.

9. / 6th House

The house of service is where you deal with your open wounds and pain. You can feel like you are always needed at someones service and helping a person and animal etc. You may even be extra alert on your own health and day to day routine people may also need your help, assistance and energy. You may be preoccupied with your own self care, you may have injury to your own body you deal with. Routines, service and refinement might feel like a curse to you.

To heal/ you need to learn a profect a skill, and work on day to day routines to refine them. Also like chiron in 12th, this placement has a unique healing ability as well. Although this area comes from more of a practical stand point as in seeing things play out physically and hands on treat. As in 12th house is more of a spiritual and reiki healing. When you become of service to others as well as yourself with balance you will be on path for healing.

8. / 11th House

Anxiety and discomfort from the social sphere. You feel like you and your unique personality doesn't fit in with the social norm. You dont understand why you dont to fit in with friends, organizations, and large groups at same time you dont want to. You often feel like you just taking up space at a party or gathering! You feel like the elephant in the room. You forbid to conform, so you rather be the outcast or just not go to any gatherings.

To heal/ when being your unique self in public, around large groups then you will see your self heal, breaking free from the limitations and restrictions of expression, thinking outside the norm, this will encourage others to free their unique selves and break the chains of the restricted society. Originality will liberate your soul as well as others.

7. / 5th House

Everything stems from the pain and emotional hurt from not being able to fully express your creative side like you want. You never had a chance to enjoy fun, understand what enjoyment is. You look and view having fun and free expression as a risky situation. Your love life, dating and flirtatious side my be in and hold tied down from not knowing how to express it due to no spontaneity and rizz in your life.

To heal/ curing that inner child will be the start of healing that childhood wound. Being the kid you wasnt again, or cherishing things you once looked at as serious and no purposeful. Your creativity will be one of a kind, ideas and concepts will open doors for you and others to be more invited in their fun side. You should open your heart and curious side to love.

6. / 7th House

Challenges arise in your relationship and business aspects of life. Fear, insecurities and dealings are your deep wounds and touchy areas. When you are close to someone you cant fully be yourself and show your real personality due to fear of being vulnerable. Tension is built from not fully able to express and connect with individuals on a deep level. Old wounds from past relationships create barriers so that others cant see what you really feel.

To heal/ starts with understanding that you are coming from a place of hurt and not trusting or relating with a individual right away or never. Yoy will need to cherish relationships with a partner, love, friendship, business etc. You will have to be vulnerable at some point to get your feet wet to go through lifes experience to heal the outdated wound. Relatability, compromise and vulnerable is the key to healing.

5. / 8th House

Unseen and undelt trauma comes in and out this individuals life, bringing nothing but uncertainty, losses, death and deep transformation. You dive deep to understand every encounter in your life and search for power and control over your destiny. Everything here deals with emotional, and transformation pain. Here you deal with vulnerability as well, insecurities and trust.

To heal/ you have a healing force within you. You can understand sex, healing, intimacy, finances and deep matters. You use sex and deep connections with others to gain power back and transformation to heal your wounds. Understanding energy and how people operate on a soulful level. You know work on your shadow side to gain the knowledge to heal and to use these skills to teach, heal, and guide others to the light.

4. / 4th House

Security, shelter and protection is what these individuals yearn for. Coming from a childhood of disappointment, emotional neglect, and motherly connection,( family). Pain hits your soul just as much as your heart. Maybe chaos in the household, always moving or just a unfit house or living conditions. Here you deal with root problems that has been generational, so you can see where it all began from.

To heal/ It will start from accepting that it will take you loving yourself 1st, being your own savior, healing your own wounds, being that mother, or father that bandages your own scar up and kiss it and make it better. Your heart needs healing and you the only one who can heal it from the core everyone else can only heal the outer side. Build your own home how you want it, pamper yourself, love yourself and never neglect yourself.

3. / 3rd House

Communication, early childhood could be where your wounds are open for the world to see and touch. You feel and felt like you never was heard or tooken serious. You dont understand your power and true courage thats within you. Could of delt with bullying, teachers picking on you and siblings. Neighborhood could be a part of your upbringing that shaped and molded you. Never really spoken as a youth, observed more and witnessed alot. Maybe was peer pressured alot.

To heal / Expression, Expression, Expression, you will need to open you mind and mouth to be heard, something you were able to do. You will have to courageous and power in your ability. You will make a great motivational speaker, counselor, influential speaker as well. You have a very power gift. You will teach others how to value your own thoughts and encourage them to speak whats on their minds. Then only the healing process will begin.

2. / 2nd House

Pain and hurt comes from your value(s), you may have been without, not enough money, clothing or even the things a kid wanted. So you become extra stubborn and protective of your money and possessions. Upbringing without the full resources you wanted or needed made you dis value yourself and put shame to yourself. You seen friends, family and others getting things they wanted and needed while you watched from afar. Lack of safety and security was also a issue. Lack in assertiving ones own values and needs.

To heal / Need to acknowledge what you really value and care about. Value plays a big role in your healing process. Here you learn you only get valued or respected as much as you show it to your self. Everything you wanted in life and all the protection and security you yearned for as a youth, you will have to display that for yourself. You could be good with money, and understanding the value of something, your worth lays in your own values.

1. / 1st House

Now this placement is a mutha! It hits home and it deals with your whole core being, its like 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, and maybe 6 wrapped up in a painful burrito! You deal with anxiety, body dysmorpia, shyness, assertiveness, physically trauma, mental pain, acceptance, being good enough etc. Life is a maze and obstacle trying to understand where you fit in. Since 1st house is your personal issues, physically body you deal with everything head on.

To heal / putting yourself 1st! Being yourself, the best version of you. Its not going be a easy path, but it will be a very influential journey! Accepting that you were once a scared, shy, soul and helping your inner core up and guiding it towards the correct lane will be a big step. These people become very powerful, popular and courageous. Once you do what you want to do when you want to then doors will start to open, people will follow.

Here are a few hard aspects as well that makes chiron a very difficult situation to deal with in your life.

Chiron + venus

Square

Opposition

These people are just givers, and love to please these their partners, but at the end they become high and dry from being so overly concerned for their partner and not their own hearts and well-being. Need to learn how relationships work in give and take and balance.

Chiron + mars

Square

Opposition

You deal with acceptance, you have built up anger issues due to no releasing it, instead of speaking, showing your actions or what you feel your hold it in... not good. Be who you are and express it. Mars is a planet of action not repressing.

Chiron + moon

Square

Opposition

Repressing your emotions and holding in what you really feel can be detrimental to your health and brain. You tend to tell people you fine even when they ask and can see you are in pain. Let others know you are hurt, depressed or just need to vent.

Chiron + sun

Square

Opposition

You are the light that spose to shine and get recognized by the masses or your peers. You were that a kid who never fully expressed or showed their creativity to the world. Holding back due to shyness, or being the headline and the star that everyone looked at. You rather shy away. Not this time step out and shine.

Chiron + mercury

Square

Opposition

This is where a individual may be open up to someone or a group of people and express sooo much that they feel bad or ashamed that they were so open or just communicative. Its nothing to be ashamed about, you need to express whats on your mind and conscious. You could be a good speaker or writer.

#strength #chiron #power #asteroid #comet #planet #aspects #perseverance #resilience #struggle #mars #venus #moon #sun #mercury #Square #opposition #heart #healing

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daniel-nerd · 3 months

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(long rant incoming)

the first even transgender town council member in israel was elected in kiryat tivon yesterday!! and while this is a huge win for diversity, inclusivity and human rights, somehow even cishet white men from gaza and the west bank can’t vote. and palestinians from jerusalem still can’t vote for the government election, only municipal election!! even though the government (and for some the local council) still govern them. but in their(israeli government and other political institutions) eyes palestinians don’t count, because they’re not part of this land that we call israel, and they’re under military law instead of civilian law.

yesterday, the day of the election, i was part of a protest, a protest against the bombing of gaza, a protest for peace, a protest for releasing the hostages diplomatically, a protest for palestinian’s right to be alive.

the protest was small, and only one hour, but in that hour while the organizer read stories of survivors from gaza, depicting immoral psychological warfare and warcrimes committed by IDF soldiers, people passing by mocked us, yelled at us, cursed us, tried to argue that all of that is somehow excused and moral.

after the protest, and after we all separated into smaller groups, and went in different directions, (in order to not get targeted alone). IDF soldiers who were nearby, together with civilians, ripped photos of palestinians dying that we put up at the start of the protest. within half an hour there was nothing left, not even the strings that we hanged the photos from.

the public knows what happening in gaza, they deliberately ignore it and deny it. because accepting it would means accepting the fact that they supported the IDF, they supported the bombing of gaza, they supported and almost all of them even took part in a genocide.(in Israel, we have a mandatory military service law, which is hard to get around, and it is very common for people who do get an exempt due to medical conditions to volunteer in the military instead)

i am not scared of the truth anymore, so im going to say it. just like many others, i used to support the IDF, i used to want to join the IDF, i used to support the genocide, thinking its just to eradicate the terrorist group called hamas, thinking it was to protect us and defend, and thinking the IDF is doing everything possible to minimize collateral damage.

but with the years, every attack, every death, every news article, i came to the conclusion that so many people tried to yell at me.

at first i denied it and found excuses, then i agreed with it but watered it down and said its exaggerated. but eventually i ran out of excuses and left facing the truth. at that point i had an option, continue being complicit with the IDF knowing i support genocide, or accepting the truth and working to stop it.

my choice was obvious to me, i saw only one moral choice. unfortunately, for most israelis, the fog of propaganda is so thick that they don’t even get to have that choice, and those who do, usually choose to be complicit with the genocide out of patriotism, religious fascism or the sheer horror and existential crisis that is accepting the truth.

if there’s anything you take from this ramble of word soup, i want it to be this. think about who’s the person you’re talking to, and what mental gymnastics they were forced to go through. keep that in mind and adjust your conversation to accommodate that. the truth isn’t visible in the fog of propaganda that israeli civilians are bombarded with since birth.

if you call israel apartheid or say its a genocide you probably already lost in this discourse. they will shut their ears and won’t listen to you, thinking anything you say is hamas lies.

instead, try to walk with them, understand their train of thoughts, get to the core reasons they refuse to accept the truth and help them tackling the core of their reasoning.

they might run away from the conversation, refuse to deal with whatever they just unraveled, but in that case, you won, and pushed them one step closer to the truth.

and most importantly, don’t forget to give them resources that can help them with the next steps, we have a bunch of israeli based organizations that do exactly that, breaking the silence, eyes on the occupation, standing together, all that’s left, gush neged kibush, just to name a few. and good luck!

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starsmuserainbow · 25 days

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Before everything else, a summary in one sentence:

Please like (or comment on) this if you are alright with me interacting with you with any/all of my muses.

So, this is a… well, I’m just gonna call it an Interest Checker for all my muses. Except, it isn’t really a “checker” in the way that you see other people do. I don’t want to have a list of muses you might be interested in, that feels too much to keep up with and checking through a list everytime before sending something also kinda, doesn’t feel like my thing. No, I’d much rather simply have likes from those of you that are interested in (or willing to) interacting with all my muses, which is what this is for.

As of posting this, the muses on here are:

Starfire

Blackfire

Wildfire

Galfore

Starlight

Moonshot

Cat

Mia

Liquor

Kage

Lightning

Mar'i

Sheshe

Pyrrha

Akari

If you’d like to know more about any of these muses, please check my muses page.

If there ever come more muses than this, I’ll probably repost this because that’s the easiest way to keep track anew. Sorry that at that point you’ll have to be bothered to like it again, but, it’s gonna be my way of making sure to not overassume things when I add someone new.

A few “terms and conditions” below:

If you’re meaning to like this for/from a sideblog and don’t want to do it with your main for whatever reason, please feel free to just tell me outside of this and I’ll probably comment your sideblog-url down here myself so that I actually have it on this post for looking for it.

If you aren’t fine with all of them, don’t worry, that’s totally fine too! It’s totally okay if you don’t like this post, I won’t hate you for it or anything ridiculous like that. You could comment here with mentioning with whom (if more than we’re already interacting with) you’d be okay, but you absolutely don’t have to. I’ll just stick with what I - through IMs or by what we’re already doing - know you’re okay with, in that case.

If you intend to remove your like again after a short while - if you’re one to regularly clean up your likes, for example - I’d more appreciate a comment on here, because that actually stays. Otherwise, a removed like (or you can always ask me to remove a comment too? I think that’s possible for the OP to do?) means to me that you are no longer interested in all of them, for whatever reason.

Obviously, if we ever are no longer mutuals, I understand that as you not “liking” this anymore either, whether or not your like or comment is still here.

Liking this doesn’t mean you get something from all my muses instantly. You might never get anything from them, or not from all of them. It’s mostly just a reassurance for me when I want to like call-things or send things in or like suggest plot-ideas or something, that I know ‘oh yes I can suggest/send muse x to this mun because they are alright with my other muses’ when that muse of mine might never have interacted with yours yet.

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bunnakit · 7 months

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last twilight e3 thoughts feelings etc

so in the past ive watched the episodes and digested them and come back and rewatched to put together my thoughts but im kinda crunched for time today and have a mountain of work to do sooo i'm just gonna do this in one sitting and i'm so sorry if it's not as good or as coherent as what i usually deliver aaa. it's also going to be a bit longer than normal probably but i'll try to cut down on stuff that seems unnecessary or maybe just too obvious to comment on.

OH ITS STILL REALLY LONG EVEN WITH EDITING I'M SO SORRY.

oh them being playful with each other is everything to me. oh my god and Mhok learned, he listened to Porjai and he learned to organize and clean and do things with Day as an active participant so he knows where everything is and is taking control of his own life. oh we're only 3 minutes in and i'm emotional, okay.

i do love that we get to see the way Day has isolated himself and that while his family haven't helped there's also a large part of it that is his doing. ive said it before but when you're newly disabled it can be so so easy to isolate yourself. hell, i've been diagnosed for almost 10 years and i still do it from time to time as my condition worsens because it's hard. there are so many questions you have to answer, there's the anxiety of not knowing if people are going to be accommodating to your needs, and sometimes it takes twice or even three times the energy it used to take before because every action is a little harder now. it can be terrifying to put yourself out there again and you will lose friends in the process. there will be people that don't understand, that find you to be an inconvenience, that won't make accommodations for you, and it will hurt every time but saying goodbye to those people is always ultimately for the better - but it doesn't make it hurt less. as much as i'd love the realism of it, i hope we don't have to see Day go through that.

Day's story about his friend is interesting, too. he says he doesn't want to be pitied by his friends but the thing is. they just did that, they accommodated their friend, and from the sound of it they did it without judgement. so why couldn't it be the same for him? it just shows more of his anxiety and his fear.

"once i'm ready you'll be the first to get my invitation card." Porjai and Mhok's friendship means so so fucking much to me.

"i felt like my life was worthless. all i saw in people's eyes was insult."

screaming. crying. throwing up. i don't need to say anything about this but i thought you all should know it made me ill.

here's the thing, my best friend and i dated in high school, we were 16 and fucking stupid and toxic and our home lives were shit and we took it out on each other and we made each other fucking miserable by the end of things. we didn't talk again for over five years. it took time to come back together, to heal and accept our own faults in what went wrong. we stumbled here and there as we came back together but now? almost 10 years later i don't know what i'd do without him. that's my platonic soulmate, that's the one person besides my husband i can share anything with. fuck, he knows more about my life than my husband does because he was there to see me at my worst, at the scariest point in my life where i almost wasn't around anymore to see tomorrow. that kind of friendship is so fucking special, i cannot even properly put it into words, and for Mhok to keep that? to have that with Porjai? i'm so fucking glad he has that. i'm so glad he got to keep his platonic soulmate.

small aside, i love that Mhok consistently announces himself to Day. it's a little action but it's so considerate. he's honestly doing such an incredible job.

Day puts his sunglasses on like armor; like they can shield him from the judging stares or looks of pity he can't see. maybe someday he won't need them, not because his heart has hardened to take the blows, but maybe because he knows Mhok is by his side. because remember - it's the way they look at us.

"i heard you wanted to take time off and focus on badminton" Night i'm going to drown you in your own toilet. this is just furthering my thoughts from episode 2 that Night is ashamed of his brother and his condition, or perhaps that the family is trying to hide his condition for some fucking stupid reason.

the bravery it took Day to come here and admit whats happening to his is huge, but i'm also in love with the admissions admin saying sure, you can have time off, but you're not allowed to quit. you're not allowed to give up on yourself.

"we must live with hope, Day" and that's it. you have to. you just have to. every day is going to be so hard and so much, you'll have good and bad days, but at least in all those days you'll have hope. and maybe someday that hope won't be for new eyes. maybe that hope will turn into acceptance, into determination, into pride at what you've accomplished in spite of it all. in my opinion, hope is an amazing fuel but it's not sustainable, it's just a vehicle to get you to where you need to be.

Mhok asking a blind man for a tour, oh fuck fuck fuckfuckufkcufk-- Mhok essentially saying show me your world exactly as you remember it, let me in. see how things have changed and how they've remained the same and do it with me by your side.

THE WAY MHOK SHIELDS HIM AT THE LIBRARY. DAY DOESN'T NEED TO WEAR HIS SUNGLASSES LIKE ARMOR BECAUSE MHOK IS BY HIS SIDE AS HIS SHIELD. chewing my own arm off brb.

"and you also have me. nothing to be afraid of" because i will always shield you, i will always protect you, i will stand by your side AAAA--

on part 3/4 now, i promise i'll shut the fuck up soon. if you've read this far pls take this as a smooch checkpoint, i'm giving you a little forehead smooch. have you had any water today? taken your meds? relax your shoulders, unclench your jaw.

ok back to it - Mhok continuously having Day make his own selections in these various machines. Day's fate is in his hands, he can do these things himself, but Mhok will be there with him the whole way.

"my eyes don't work well but my legs do just fine." this is such a massive leap from the man that wouldn't even leave his bedroom, from the man that was suffocating in his environment. Day is no longer a dying man, a shambling corpse. he is an active participant in his own life again.

"stay close to me, that's all i need" bitch i'm gonna throw up, you can't just hit me with that after that's all i've been saying this whole time what the fuck.

OH FUCK ME. okay. alright. hang on. so when they enter the shop Mhok describes it to Day, explains where the jeans are, where the shirts are, asks him what to do and what he wants to take a look at. this is a direct antithesis of Night in episode 1 asking where Day was going to wait for him, where he could leave him so he could get his shit done. Day isn't being asked to wait, to just sit idle while life passes him by, he's being asked what he wants to do, where he wants to go, what he wants to see. FUUUUUCK. and knowing Mhok is doing this because Day expressed that he liked dressing nicely? how the fuck am i supposed to just go to my job like a normal person after this episode.

wow the shirt buttoning scene just made me so mentally ill. right now, Mhok is doing his job. he's helping Day get dressed. but someday? someday this could be Mhok dressing Day not because he needs him to help but simply because Mhok likes doing to for Day. there's the sensuality of caring for your partner, of running your hands over the planes of their shoulders, of skimming your fingers down their chest to pluck every button. it's an exploration and a declaration of love. if we get this again in a future scene and it's something like that please remember me fondly because i will perish.

at the bookstore Mhok recognizing Day doesn't want to wait, but Day has become so accustomed to the other people in his life telling him what to do that he falls back into that behavior - but Mhok doesn't let him. he prioritizes Day's needs and desires, even if it's something as little as finding a book, without being asked.

THE LAST PAGE IS MISSING.

(because one can't see his future and the other can't see in the future, but also because they'll make their own ending, they'll face that when they get there, but they'll do it together -- what if i lost my shit completely of it?)

when Mhok leaves Day to get him a drink the camera is focused on Day and the clear warring emotions on his face but if you look in the background Mhok hesitates, he stops and turns a few times to look at day. he's reluctant to leave him and worried. Mhok worries so much but it's always so understated or in the background, covered by the emotions of others he values above himself. (or overlooked because of 'what type of person he is')

while its anxiety inducing i do enjoy this regression of behavior because adapting to a new life is hard. you will regress, you will stumble, you will fall into old habits or sometimes old fears will return. its what you do after that that is important. the one thing i hope doesn't happen is i hope this doesn't cause a rift with Porjai. i think Mhok needs her right now, maybe not forever, but definitely right now.

HE PUT ON THE FUCKING SHIRT. THE FUCKING SHIRT DAY COULD SEE FROM MARS. OH MY GOD. i know this doesn't need to be commented on, i know it's obvious, but FUUUUCK.

Day's mom trying to weaponize Mhok's past and Mhok taking the ammunition from her hands and telling Day himself. the acceptance of the past and the determination to move on and grow from it. Day's refusal to let the past repeat itself with a new caretaker. whoo boy.

and again Day wants to see Mhok, because even bruised and battered Mhok is worth seeing.

if the last episode ends with "sweet dreams/good night" i will be burying myself alive, thanks.

tagging @benkaaoi and @callipigio as requested (if you want to be added to my last twilight meta tag list just let me know!)

THE PINK SHIRT RUINING HIS BAD BOY IMAGE BECAUSE IT IS BEING RUINED. HE'S MOVING ON, HE'S GROWING, HE'S BECOMING A NEW PERSON. FUCK OFF.

i'm so so sorry this was so long, every episode makes me feel more and more things and makes me analyze shit more and more.

#last twilight #last twilight the series #ltts meta #bunn meta #mhokday #morkday

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bingoboingobongo · 1 year

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task force 141 + christmas day

Characters: Simon "Ghost" Riley, John "Soap" MacTavish, Kyle "Gaz" Garrick, John Price, Alejandro Vargas, Rodolfo "Rudy" Parra

Warnings: none

A/N: oh lordy i can't believe it's christmas already. keep sending me requests so i have stuff for january por favor. merry happy to all u guys

alright so the big day has finally arrived

christmas

it's been snowing for the last week and the trend continued today which means rudy is ecstatic because it's always been his dream to have a white christmas

he's also one of the first people to wake up and he has to fight the urge to run around and wake everyone else up

another person of the first people to wake up list is soap and unlike rudy soap does not fight the urge

he goes throughout the base blasting christmas music (mariah carey ofc) and shaking everyone out of their beds

ghost's been up for a while (as expected) and is already waiting in the kitchen with a cup of tea as everyone else piles in

pretty much everyone is in pajamas or sweatpants

rudy and soap are wearing their favorite ugly christmas sweaters tho

and as price starts up a pot of coffee the gift opening ensues

they all let rudy start out because he's literally trembling with excitement

of course everyone chipped in to get rudy his dream lego set this year

the ferrari daytona sp3

but in addition to that ghost somehow managed to get rudy a mint condition, never opened, ferrari f1 racer set

and for those of y'all who aren't familiar with legos (pretty much the entire team except rudy) this is a huge deal because the set has been retired

rudy was so excited he couldn't stop himself from running up to ghost and giving him a massive hug

ghost awkwardly let him but mainly because rudy looked so happy he couldn't say no

and yes rudy spent the rest of the day raving about how cool the set ghost got him was

the next person to open up their gifts was price

and apparently all his coy hinting worked because he got what he wished for, a heated weighted blanket

unfortunately (or maybe fortunately idk u decide) his hinting worked a little too well because gaz, soap, and rudy all got him one

so now he has three

in addition to that alejandro got him a super nice bottle of macallan whiskey

and ghost got him a really expensive set of cigars

after price went gaz

soap felt so bad for sitting on and breaking gaz's speaker that of course he had to buy him a new one

it's bluetooth of course and very nice

that being said the gift is technically from soap and price because the speaker was pretty expensive (but really good quality)

alejandro and rudy both chipped in and got gaz a really nice pair of noise cancelling headphones so that he wouldn't have to deal with the task force's nonsense anymore

and gaz had recently mentioned how he had gotten back into listening to the weeknd

and ofc ghost bought him two vip tickets to the weeknd's after hours til dawn tour

gaz literally freaked out when he saw the tickets like im talking jumped up out of his seat jaw dropped wide open

ghost let's gaz give him an awkward hug too because he doesn't want to kill his mood

and then it's alejandro's turn to open his gift

and low and behold what does he see when he opens up the wrapping paper

of course it's his dream gift and like the one thing he wished for

a brand new ps5

everyone on the team chipped in to pay for it

and they got him a few games too

then next it was ghost's turn

he wasn't expecting much and he was pretty surprised when he opened his gift

he got all the books he wanted of course, plus a few extra

soap got him the metamorphosis by franz kafka

gaz got him the picture of dorian gray by oscar wilde

alejandro got him journey to the center of the earth by jules verne

rudy got him the count of monte cristo by alexandre dumas

and then somehow, price managed to score a signed, first edition version of treasure island by robert louis stevenson

ghost was literally speechless for the first time in his life when he realized what he was holding

like his hands were literally shaking and he had to put it down because he was scared he would ruin it

he tried to interrogate price and find out where he had got it from but price wouldn't say anything

and then last but not least was soap

he was getting kinda nervous as everyone opened up their gifts because it didn't look like there was gonna be any for him

and the ghost opened up the last box and soap's heart pretty much broke

but before the sadness could fester too long everyone dragged him to the garage

and low and freaking behold what does soap see

but his dream gift, the yz250 sitting in front of him with a bow on top

and soap freaked out he was literally bouncing off the walls in shock

it turned out ghost knew a guy who knew a guy who knew a guy

and so he was able to get the bike at an insane discount

and with everyone chipping in, they were able to get him a helmet/gear as well

and again soap was literally freaking out

he tried to hug ghost, who declined at first but then gave in

after gift opening was over they all went to have lunch and the kinda split off to do their own things

simon "ghost" riley:

alright so the first thing ghost does is take his first edition treasure island and sprint to his room

like i cannot emphasize to you enough how insane of a deal this is

because not only is a first edition copy valued at literally ~$10,000, treasure island has an insane amount of sentimental value to ghost because that was his favorite book as a child

that being said ghost was literally terrified to touch the book

like he put on his gloves and anything

the book was in really good condition and even the signature looked like it was in mint condition

i mean again ghost was just in awe completely shocked

he ended up tucking it away in his safe because he was too scared to read it

he ended up brewing himself a cup of tea and reading the count of monte cristo to relax

and if you're there with him than congrats u get to see a new side of ghost, nerd!ghost

because he will not stop raving about the first edition treasure island

he'll also give you your gifts in private

and they're everything you ever wished for

including something you didn't even remember wishing for until you saw it

and then he's more than happy to spend the rest of the day hanging out with you while he reads

at least until price calls everyone to the dining room for christmas dinner and soap starts drinking

john "soap" mactavish:

alright after seeing his gift soap has one thing on his mind and that's riding the dirt bike

unfortunately the weather outside is not the most friendly to dirt bikers

but what soap wants soap does

and so (very unwisely i might add) soap decides to try riding his bike indoors

he takes it to the hangar because it's got a lot more space but just because he has the extra space doesn't mean he's successful

it's been a long time since he last rode a dirt bike and so he almost immediately nearly ran into one of the planes

and then you and price practically forced him to stop so he wouldn't immediately destroy his bike

he was disappointed for a bit but you made it better

he gave you his gift and it was the best, most soap-centric gift you could ask for

it was absolutely perfect and it referenced one of your many inside jokes

he also let you pick one of the soap's everyone put in his stocking

you picked a fancy bath and body works one

then he spent the rest of the day hanging out with you and the others until dinner time

and you know that afterwards he's getting stupid drunk again

kyle "gaz" garrick:

alright so honestly gaz was freaking out about the weeknd tickets a lot

like it took him a good while to finally relax

and of course the other ticket is going to you so you can join him

he also pretty much immediately put on the noise cancelling headphones alejandro and rudy got him

and you just know he was listening to the weeknd's entire discography

he also pulled you aside so he could give you your gift in private

he got you some new clothes you've been wanting for a while

as well as some jewelry with your initials engraved in it

he was kind of nervous it was too much but you assured him it was perfect

he spent the rest of the day listening to music and dancing with you

as well as hanging out with the others until dinner came

and during the after dinner party gaz's speaker was the prime music source

john price:

alright so price is just ready to milk his gifts as much as possible

but before he does he knows he has to give you your gift first

it's something really sweet and heartfelt and you can tell how much he loves you through the gift

and he also got you your own bucket hat with your initials embroidered on the inside

he says you look like the most beautiful girl in the world with it on

then he drags you to his room where you milk his presents with him

he pours you a glass of the fancy whiskey while he lights one of ghost's cigars

if you smoke too he'll offer you one as well

and then he'll have you cozy up to him under one out of the three weighted heated blankets

and the two of you will just cuddle there until dinner

alejandro vargas:

alright so the first thing alejandro does after everyone's done opening gifts is hook up his PS5 to the tv

he's super excited to play some games and he brings you over to play with him

before you start though he gives you your gift

it's something you've been wanting for a while

plus an all expenses paid for spa trip at a really nice spa

then he pulls you against him and has you pick a game to play

and the two of you will play that until dinner comes

and then he might still keep playing after dinner, although this time he'll be much worse because you don't get to go through a soap party without drinking at least a smidge of alcohol

rodolfo "rudy" parra:

alright so rudy is just super duper hyped about his legos man idk what to say

his first thought is to immediately start building one of them but he has enough reason to give you your gift first

one of them is an expensive set of shoes you've been eyeing for a long time

another is a lego set of your own (because he wants to build legos with you but he also gets super defensive if you try to build his so he needs it to be seperate)

and then a super duper heartfelt homemade gift

he's really really nervous about it and his heart just about bursts when you wrap your arms around him and tell him it's perfect

and then the two of you spend a pretty long amount of time building legos

honestly you finished pretty quickly but you stuck around to watch him finish his

you also helped massage his back/shoulders whenever they would hurt from being hunched over for too long

and lord knows rudy would sing your praises so loudly for doing that

he's done by dinner and during soap's little party rudy is more than happy to be all over you

and it's easily the best christmas he's had so far

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necroromantics · 3 months

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Regarding being "cancelled"

Im not gonna address this further unless anyone needs clarification or something cuz its just drama with random ass kids who I'm not interested in interacting with

Some people dug up a fuck ton of old screenshots of shit I said in my server a year ago. Not gonna deny saying any of that, cuz I did say it, and I've said worse, and if you've talked to me at all I am always very open about this stuff.

In the screenshots I made jokes about disabled people and said I don't care if someone is a Nazi, because at the time my server had like no rules, everything was free reign (which is now changed). This is because I did not care if someone was disabled or a Nazi. It kinda comes hand in hand with ASPD, not caring unless it directly effects you. This does not mean I condone or support the things I joked about*

If you don't know what ASPD is, it's antisocial personality disorder, its characterized by "disregard for peoples rights and feelings". The reason I was even diagnosed in the first place was because I fit the criteria of crossing moral boundaries, disregarding peoples feelings, and not fitting into social norms. I was VERY bad with that in the past, especially a year ago when I was 18 years old, very deep in drug addiction, and didn't have the support system I have now.

If you want to judge me based on my past mistakes and actions, I can't control you. I don't expect anyone to like me, but I do care to get my side out too. I post here because I have fun, not because I care what people think. And if you judge me from shit I said as a drug addicted horribly mentally ill 18 yr old, then that isn't my problem.

Love the label, hate the symptoms yeah?

I don't like apologizing for things I'm not actually sorry for so this isn't an apology. I know I've said a lot of jarring and rude and fucked up things in the past, but if you know me at all then you know it never came from a place of hatred. To me, as someone with ASPD, its about proving that things like societal rules and norms aren't going to be another thing that controls you, so you just ignore them completely. This is what makes it a disorder. Cuz it's irrational and dysfunctional and causes problems like this

Also they vaguely mentioned me abusing someone who's borderline which is ??? because all the relationships with borderlines Ive been in had been very unhealthy on both sides. My mom has BPD so I know how to help those with BPD and Ive always tried my best to cater to BPDers symptoms and issues, even in the relationships where their condition got too much for me.

But yeah, I made mistakes in the past, and I'm not that person anymore, or at least I try hard not to be. I've been sober for almost a year, I have amazing friends and a good support system, I'm on medication for my bipolar disorder. Judge me from the past, but anyone who talks to me now knows that I work very hard to get over those mindsets and habits. To me, thats all that matters.

Edit: Not blaming my disorder, its just easier to explain. I'm taking full blame for what I said in the past, and I acknowledge that it was morally wrong. I said what I said. These people have been absolutely hellbent on being on my ass for months now when all I want to do is just chill out, get better, and live life. Theyre gonna keep complaining about everything I do, and I don't care to make any more edits, just wanted to clarify that Im not making excuses. Also I don't support Nazi's, I just made jokes about it. Anyone who knows me knows Im very against that shit

(I dont mean to sound callous or whatever, I just woke up to this and wanted to quickly clear shit up before it all blows out of proportion)

#tombtalk

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suffarustuffaru · 1 year

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some theorizing / meta about pride if reinsuba

i think their power dynamic is super interesting because on the surface, obviously reinhard is more powerful than subaru. theres no question about that. reinhard is the one person subaru cant beat with enough tries at rbd. reinhard has killed subaru in pride if, what, i think it was either 1,000 or 10,000 times? but reinhard only powers over subaru PHYSICALLY. mentally, reinhard is already weak, but he’s doing better in pride if purely because wilhelm was erased by the whale. we can then assume that this reinhard is not as insecure as his main route self—wilhelm was the one that blamed him for killing theresia, and heinkel was the one who defended reinhard at first before eventually growing to believe this too. because wilhelm’s gone, all of that conflict is gone—or at least mostly gone, but we do know that reinhard and heinkel make up again regardless.

on the other hand though, pride if reinhard starting off happier than main route reinhard means he has a longer way to fall. subaru specifically cant directly beat reinhard. except—the only way to win over reinhard is to fight him indirectly. his mind is easily the only weak part of him because hes still human. he already has built-in insecurities from his upbringing and how the kingdom itself has treated him as a weapon and a tool. we only see julius die on screen, and we get a small mention that felix dies later as well, and then of course theres the whole kingdom—but i 100% think subaru killed basically all of reinhard’s loved ones. of course felix is targeted because its so easy to manipulate and use him after the whale erased crusch. of course julius is targeted because hes a knight to a rival competitor to emilia. but its a great coincidence that theyre also both reinhards closest friends—its a win win for subaru. theyre stepping stones in his plan to also bring the sword saint down to earth.

how do you kill a hero if you cant physically kill him? you kill everyone he cares about. you kill his purpose. his purpose as sword saint is to protect the entire kingdom, and he was told—at the age of FOUR—that if he cares about his family, then he must protect the kingdom. in pride if, he essentially fails at both of those things. julius and felix and likely people like heinkel, carol, and grimm (the latter two are also people who looked after reinhard ever since he was a child, in addition to other astrea family members) are dead. the kingdom is burning and in ruin. reinhard, whos been conditioned into being the kingdom’s hero, is forcefully broken out of that in the worst way possible. look, reinhard, the entire country is broken and all your loved ones are dead and now, theres no obligation to save any of them when they’re all already gone—it’s technically what reinhard’s always wanted. reinhard’s hero image has been shattered. and im sure that in the aftermath of pride if, after subarus death, theres likely going to be at least one person out there going, “why didnt the sword saint save us? why couldnt the sword saint stop any of this from happening?”

its no wonder, then, that subaru is the one that makes reinhard—emotionally repressed and almost always collected and subdued reinhard whos always asking even SIN ARCHBISHOPS mid-fight to surrender—to feel pure hatred for the first time. that’s how subaru won over reinhard.

and now that reinhard isnt the Hero anymore, emilia can replace him—just as subaru planned.

#re:zero #natsuki subaru #reinhard van astrea #crying over them. i have many feelings over their pride if relationship.#tfw reinhard is happier and has a better relationship with his dad again but AT WHAT COST….#the emilia / reinhard parallels too are crazy…. imagine if he became hated while she became loved by the public in the pride if aftermath…#thatd be the perfect subversion of their characters sodndj #additionally. subaru couldnt save emilia. but reinhard managed to win over elsa and help emilia super easily. so now subarus made reinhard #feel a similar pain.#pride if #reinsuba

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flowernets · 8 months

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in another universe there is a south park episode that released around the time kpop started getting more recognition internationally. all the girls turn into army’s and the boys want to impress then so they tune in as well, only to get sucked into kpop twitter stan world (cartman is exclusively a girlgroup stan even though he hates women). b plot is where randy somehow meets bts. and fights them to the death or. somethinf. end of the episode no one cares about kpop anymore except the m4.

IM ALWAYS SAYING THIS ^^^^^^ they missed the chance of a lifetime by not doing a kpop centered episode and this is all great but i'll do you one better:

cartman is the one that gets sucked into kpop twt hell and sees theres a lot to gain from trolling so he becomes one of those people that just comments the most out of pocket inappropiate things under stuff that has nothing to do withWAITTTTT episode that shows that cartman was actually the one that started the stan loona movement as a way to cause mayhem on the internet. wait actually m+t shouldve incorporated the whole stan loona thing into the trolling storyline omg . i should get paid for this actually

b plot would be randy trying to actually become a kpop idol ala exp edition and failing miserably . he tries getting into like those kpop survival shows and doesnt make it past auditions and tries to sabotage the whole thing which ends up biting him in the ass later. weed is involved somehow

kyle would go through a whole moral ordeal talking about the inhuman conditions of the industry and how companies exploit their own idols and get even younger and younger ppl sucked into slave contracts and how the kpop industry relies on extreme consumerism and blind loyalty and the dangers of parasocial relationships and then the rest of the boys would be like kyle. just let it go man. here listen to eta by newjeans and kyles like sigh. well the music does slap.....

kenny would die bc he listened to 100 by superm and his brain just explodes . also kenny is a once ive been saying this for years

#ask #i put way too much thought into this...

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meguwumibear · 10 months

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okay wait im not done yet a continuation of these two pieces from Touya's pov

Touya Todoroki hasn’t gone by Dabi for a very long time. Not since he bit off more than he could chew chasing down some S-rank villain all on his own just to prove himself to his piece of shit dad and burned away most of his body.

It took less than a minute for his skin to catch and burn. He was painfully conscious for most of it. Black and bitter smoke blurred his vision, but he could still make out when the first bit of flesh liquified and sloughed from his bone like wax dripping down a candle.

He watched himself melt away until the pain was too much for him to bare, slipping slowly asleep.

Three years.

That’s how long he was in his medically induced coma.

Three fucking years.

And he remembers none of it. One thousand ninety-five whole ass days gone. Like he had simply blinked on top of that damn hill and somehow teleported himself into the future. It feels like no time has passed at all. It feels like a whole lifetime has passed him by.

The nurse nearly dropped dead when he opened his wet stinging eyes. He would later learn this was due to his tears, which weren’t very tear like at all—not the crystalline and clear droplets normal people cry—but thick crimson blood.

Back in school Touya took a theology class to piss off his father. Enji wanted him to take a chemistry or biology or even an anatomy elective to learn more about the properties of fire and how his own flames may impact his body, but Touya refused. He wrote a paper for the class about weeping statues, with a particular emphasis on the weeping Madonna who several decades ago no less than sixty people testified to have seen cry blood.

He wonders if the nurse who witnessed his own tears knows about the statue. He wonders if his pain and suffering bring him closer to his own version of holiness or enlightenment—whatever the fuck that’s supposed to mean. Touya’s never been particularly spiritual, and he’s even less so these days.

His family was the first to stop using his moniker. Enji provides many updates to the public about Touya’s health. Figures no press is bad press, and practically goes on tour, accepting every opportunity to interview and tell the world that Touya is finally awake and in stable condition.

The public never seems to stop though. No matter how many times Enji emphasizes Touya’s government name, the headlines never change.

NUMBER THREE HERO DABI ALIVE AND WELL

PROHERO DABI UNDERGOING HIS THIRD RECONSTRUCTIVE SURGERY

RETIRED HERO DABI SPOTTED LEAVING PHYSICAL THERAPY IN A RAGE

He isn’t sure what’s worse: Enji’s insistence on reminding him who he is now, or the public’s insistence on reminding him that he was once something more. Both names seem to rub salt into his already itchy wound.

What’s in a name? Are they meaningful? Do they have value? Who is he without one?

“Dabi…please.”

He liked the way his name sounded on your lips. All breathy and desperate from kissing. Soft and safe like home. No one has ever used his name like that before. You’ve never said his name like that before.

Only Dabi isn’t his fucking name. Not anymore. He’s Touya to those closest to him, and, well, if you didn’t have the good sense to call him that, you must not be very close to him at all. Which, hey, that makes sense. You’re his perfect little brother’s perfect little girlfriend. You’re not his. Even if he wants you to be.

It’s stupid to text you, but he just can’t help himself. Especially once he learns the two of you have called things off. Shouto doesn’t say why but he knows his brother has seen the hickey he sucked into your neck. He thinks about telling him it was he who marked you.

He doesn’t.

He misses you. Even works up the courage to tell you. He isn’t sure why. Again, it’s not like the two of you were ever that close.

It shouldn’t surprise him that you don’t text him back, but it does. You always text him back, even if it’s just to tell him to fuck off. Surprise quickly gives way to anger, however if only because he has always masked his hurt with fury.

It burns through him just like everything else in his life. His flames and his fury all are he ever seems to have. They’re the only two constants in his life. He’s scorching. He’s on fire. He is Dabi and Touya both. He will never be Dabi or Touya again.

#dabi x reader #touya todoroki x reader #dabi x you #touya todoroki x you #bnha x you #bnha x reader #mha x you #mha x reader

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