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firemenenthusiast · 1 month

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—“let it grow”

jann mardenborough x fem! reader

summary: nothing left to do when jann finally gets a new haircut except going absolutely feral

content warnings: 18+, smut, porn with plot, fluff, sub! jann, soft jann, whiny whimpery jann, restraint (?) jann being tied up, oral fixation, p in v (wrap it bro), f! masturbation (reader putting on a show for jann), cum eating, cumshots, pussy job, slight size kink

a/n: @imjustheretoreadsmuthaha had me promise to write some smut so yall have them to thank

looking at the last couple of years it can be said that there’s a surge in the sport’s popularity. not that it wasn’t ever popular but recently there are newcomers to the car racing fanclub. it attracts new big companies to invest and offer sponsorships to the label making jann busier than ever.

-especially it being almost the starting of a new season and all. sometimes he’s too caught up with work that you cant help but feeling left behind. he’d be out at the most random times of the day sometimes even when you’re getting ready for bed. that’s the norm you have to accept knowing your boyfriend does not have a fixed working schedule. when danny manages to slide them in for a meeting with a new client, he needs to be there. he’s become too busy that he doesn’t even have time to get his hair cut. his adorable undercut has now fully grown to the same length of the rest of his hair.

you dont really mind his grown hair because you get to enjoy watching him getting ready, putting products into his curls. one of the things you find him adorable for is the fact that he takes good care of his hair so eventho its grown, he keeps it neat and healthy. you can sit and watch him for hours on end, especially after he had left for a particularly long period where he doesn’t really have time for all the products. so when he comes home, you both will spend the free time just talking and enjoying each other’s presence while he grooms himself. sometimes you’d even help getting the back of his hair where he couldn’t see or reach. or when he got tired from doing the rest

“but its getting too long babe, i need to keep it short for the balaclava” he defends himself. he’s been complaining about how his hair’s getting into his face when he wears the helmet and how uncomfortable its becoming. you pout at his reasoning, not wanting him to cut his hair. “nooo please keep ittt,, you’ve never let it grow ever. plus you look-“ you trail off from your sentence, turning your head to a different direction. too shy to admit it. he searches into your face, raising his arms. “i look…?” you turn your head even further as he follows, chasing your face. “-hot.” you say under your breath. his cheeks heat up at your words before deciding to tease you

“come again ?”

“no”

he let out a laugh as he pulls you in for a back hug, his large arms squeezing your sides. he rests his head on top of yours, swaying the both of you. “im sorry baby but i need to, okay?” you purse your lips shut, pouting. you keep quiet as you give him a look. “i’ll take that as a yes ?” he quickly give you a kiss before planting a peck on your forehead, reaching for his jacket from the couch. standing beside the doorframe, you watch him as he gets into his porsche. you wave at him, smiling as he drives off, thinking about how he’s probably gonna get a haircut.

his first race of the season is this weekend so you have to leave for the airport tomorrow. as you’re packing his and your stuff into the luggage your hear the front door being unlocked. he’s back. you continue arranging the clothes so they can all fit, subconsciously anticipating for the suprise of seeing his new haircut. you hear him calling for you from downstairs before his voice’s getting nearer. the door to your bedroom swings open to reveal an excited, jumpy jann with a huge smile across his face. “honey, im homeee” he jokes, acting like a husband who just got back from his 9-5 job. this is the jann you’d get called a liar for when telling his team about his behaviour. they dont believe that he actually acts like this around you. but jack does, he knows how jann actually is. you turn to face him as you’re being met with the fresh haircut, making him almost unrecognizable. it reminds you of when you first met him years ago. when he just got into racing, back when he was so shy to people and to you. especially you. if you could comically describe the feeling you’re feeling rn, it is as if your heart just got shot by cupids arrow. awestruck. it’s like having a crush on him for the second time. not like you’re not crushing on him every other day but the haircut makes you want to do things to him. you feel heat creeping across your cheek before rushing to your core.

seeing you quiet and not returning any reaction panics him. every possible scenario of you breaking up with him because of that haircut plays into his mind. “baby..?” he steps closer, slowly walking towards you. “hey look, if you dont like it i can- um, i can wear my durag all the time. you like it when i do, right ?” he offers, him internally panicking shows the most adorable side of him. not in a million years does he want to do anything you dont like. you get up from the floor just as you finish up on packing. “lemme- let me get that,,” he quickly reach for the luggage to help you zip them up. you walk to your bed, footsteps heavy as he follows from behind like a lost puppy. he’s worrying hard that you’re being quiet. as you lay your butt on the soft material he kneels before you, looking up at you with eyes filled with panic and worry. “please say something baby” you look down at him rubbing at your legs before reaching down to cup his face, smoothing over his also newly shaved skin. gosh he looks so cute

you trail your fingers from his cheek to his mouth, feeling his plump lips before pushing your fingers past them. he closes his lips around your fingers, sucking at them as you push down on his tongue. “you’re funny, jann” he blinks, listening attentively before you continue,

“you’re funny if you think you can look like this and expect me to not fuck you”

he shakes his head thinking you’d want him to deny it. your pull your fingers out, strings of saliva attached to it as you wipe it on his cheek. you tsk at him being silent. “do you remember when we first started dating ?” a smile creeps onto his face as the memories slip into his mind. he nods. “-you looked exactly like you do right now.” his smile grows wider. a lot about him has changed but one thing that wont, is how he’s willing to let you fuck him dumb anytime. especially when he deserves it. wasting no time, you lean down to crash your lips onto his as you fingers rake up the fresh undercut he just got. a shiver goes down his spine feeling the tips of your fingers graze the back of his head before they pull at the strands at the top. your noses bump against each other as you suck on his bottom lips hungrily. the haircut’s really making you go feral.

you get up from the bed ushering him to do the same. the kiss got interrupted for a second before you pull him down by his crewneck, making him lean down. he returns your kiss sloppily, spit getting smeared all over your mouths before you pull away to take a breath. his mouth chases yours, not wanting to stop kissing your lips ever if he could. he begins to suck at your tongue as his lips continue lapping at yours like a starved animal. just as you pull away he let out a whine in protest. his eyes droopy, lips shiny as he steps back, obeying your hand on his chest before you push him onto the bed. as soon as he’s settled he’s quick to take off his sweater earning a giggle from you. as his hand move to reach the hem of his sweatpants next you stop him, “ah-ah” while grabbing his hand. he smiles sheepishly as he obeys, settling his hands on his sides instead. you get off the bed to pick up something off the floor hidden by the luggage, holding it carefully to not let jann see what it is. you climb back onto the bed, straddling him before you grind teasingly against his prominent bulge. he lets out a soft moan thinking you’re gonna make him cum soon. you chuckle at his response before grabbing both his hands and bringing them to his back before tying them together with his tie that you just picked off the floor. you didn’t tie it tight but he knows not to break the knot. he’s learned his lesson the hard way. you climb off the bed before taking off all your clothes at the edge of it, making sure he’s watching

“my sweet jann, i always miss you dearly when you’re busy” you tell him dramatically. its true tho, you do. he watches your ass bounce closely as you’re walking towards the wardrobe, glancing at him behind your shoulder. you search into the wardrobe before reaching just the thing you need before slipping it through your head. his gt academy t-shirt. the size of the shirt is just enough to slightly cover your bare pussy. you turn to look at him as he throws his head back, cursing under his breath. “fuck- is that..?” he blinks a few times, making sure he’s seeing the right thing

“yes” you confirm, before continuing

“it gets lonely, so this shirt will have to do” you say as you take a deep whiff of the scent on his shirt.

his chest is heaving hard, nervous as to find out what you’re planning on doing

“you wanna know what i do when you’re not there to help me ?” he watches closely as you walk towards the edge of the bed, climbing onto it. you start roaming your hands across your stomach before reaching up, the shirt caught together with your arm as you play with your nipples. starting off slow, you graze your nails across them before groping at your tits, putting on a show for him. you notice his cock twitching in his pants, forming a small dark patch at the tip. his mouth is slightly agape as his eyebrows furrow. “oh- fuck” he throws his head back, barely able to handle seeing you like this.

“its nothing compared to your fingers but-“ you sigh, purposely not finishing the sentence as you start rubbing your clit slowly. you look down, your fingers collecting the wetness as you spread your folds. you inch your knees forward closer to him, to really let him have a good look. “m’so wet for you jann,,” you tease, as he licks his lips, not knowing to look at your face or your hand while you play with your clit. as you start rubbing your fingers through your folds he shuts his eyes closed. he swears he almost came when you start letting out noises, the pretty little noises that could be the death of him.

fucking yourself on your fingers while wearing his shirt infront of him, you let out a moan as you call out his name in a high pitched whine. your fingers move rapidly as you feel your orgasm approaching. “m’so close jann, fuck-“ you manage to let out before the waves come crashing down, your knees growing weak. jann struggles to hold himself back from coming undone in his pants while he forces his hips down from buckling upwards. “please…,,you’re gonna-” he starts to plead before you shut him up by stuffing your fingers that were collecting your cum into his mouth. he hums at the taste, closing his eyes savouring it. you feel his tongue swirl around your fingers before you pull them out. “good boy” more precum seeps out of his hard cock as he feels himself growing harder. you lean in to kiss him, your fingers sprawled across the side of his face. he tries to prop himself up better so he can return your kiss harder but fails. trailing your kisses from his mouth to his neck, you make sure to bite and suck at the skin, gaining moans from him.

reaching behind him to untie the restraint, he looks up at you as soon as his hands are free. his eyes search into yours for permission, “can i-?” you nod at him before saying,

“fuck me jann, fuck me like you miss me”

he wastes no time flipping you over, taking the gt shirt off before pinning you down, earning a yelp from you. its now his turn to kiss at your neck, his kisses sloppy and wet. he’s sucking and biting at the skin that will surely leave marks. his hands roam uncontrollably all over your body, after being deprived of touching you. he wanted to touch you so bad but he patiently waited. he knows if he’s good you’re gonna award him. his patience earlier proved its worth now that he gets to fuck you. your arms wrap around his shoulders, pulling him closer as his hand works the hem of his sweatpants. his thick hard cock grazes your pussy before slapping at his lower stomach. you look down at his happy trail below his navel, covered by the size of his length. his hot mouth is now settled on one of your tits, tongue lapping at the nipple before sucking at it. he greedily attempts on putting the whole of your breast into his mouth, covering them all with spit.

“fuck- mhmfh,, fuck” he curses as his hand strokes his throbbing wet cock, getting it ready for your pussy, momentarily pulling away from stuffing his face in between your breasts. he decides to tease you by rubbing his length betwen your folds, spreading your wetness all over it. he grabs his cock before tapping the tip on your clit, grinning at you as he does so. your faces inches away from each other, you could feel his hot breath fanning over your face. he has one elbow propped beside your face, his eyes eyes directly boring into yours. theres a slight glint in them, making you lose yourself in his eyes. he prods his cock at your entrance before bottoming out, earning a high pitched moan from you while he let out a low groan. he rests his head beside yours for a moment before looking at you for green light.

you reach up to kiss him as you nod. he winces at the tight fit of your pussy, the warmth engulfing him, making him lost in the pleasure. your pussy always feels so good for him, always a perfect fit for his thick cock. “ahh- mfhm,, so nice- s’warm”he says as he starts moving, it didn’t take long until he starts properly fucking you. moving his hips rapidly as the sound skin slapping and a mix of you and his moans fill the room. he whines as he feel his tip nudging your wet walls, making squelching sounds. he looks down at his cock splittling your pussy open, “fffuck-!” shaking his head, the view messing with his mind. it’s all so hot to him. as he feel your walls clench around him, his free hand reaches down to rub at your clit, occasionally pressing down to add onto the pressure. your fingers graze across his broad shoulders, your nails slightly digging into his skin earning a whimper from him. his head is resting at the crook of your neck, you can hear the small whimpers escaping his lips every now and then.

his cock buried deep, fucking into your pussy as you can feel his thrusts getting sloppier. he raises his head to start kissing at your tits again, before looking up at you, putting on his pleading eyes.

“what do you need baby ?”

“can i- fuck” he gets interrupted by your walls clenching around him

“can i cum on your tits-? these- these pretty tits,,” he mumbles the last bit of his sentences as he continues lapping at your nipples. throwing your head back, you almost can’t register what he’s saying from the pleasure as you just nod. he’s been so good, he deserves whatever he wants. you let out a dragged out whine as he pulls out, hands stroking his cock rapidly as he aims at your tits. you feel his warm seed landing on your breasts as you watch him shoot thick ropes of his cum onto you, some getting on your stomach. you reach your hand to your chest, collecting some of it before sucking your fingers clean.

he looks down at your body glistening with sweat and his cum, chest heaving trying to catch his breath. he runs his hand on his forehead, just below his new haircut. “fuck” he curses, before leaning down to kiss you, resting his forehead against yours. you let a smile rip on your face, before asking, “you okay ?” he nods, “never better” you let out a small laugh as he joins you

“i should get haircuts more often”

taglist: @june-ebgert @radioloom @fuckshitslover @szapizzapanda @themoonchildwhofell @love-me-pls @imjustheretoreadsmuthaha

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dropitlikeapeong · 7 days

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First sleepover with Bf!Hunter

Some long headcannons for having a sleepover with this silly.

Genre: Fluffy shit, idk. I tried.

This is kinda long and im sorry. also its not proofread. woo hoo.

Reader's got a roommate named Rebecca because I said so. she disappears halfway through and im lazy so you (the reader) can decide if she just went to her room, went out to a party or if y'all threw her off the balcony.

I hope you enjoy, if you do, like or reblog and let me know what you think.

so this dude managed to rizz you up and now y'all dating

yay, congrats

you two have gone on several dates and shared a lot of special moments in the short time y'all have been together

yet you've never had a sleepover together

until now of course

his work schedule is done now, so bros got some time on his hands

you on the other hand are working overtime so you'll be home a little late.

but its okay, your roommate Rebecca has the day off so she'll let him in.

now you spend the rest of the bus ride home thinking about this sleepover and now the nerves are starting to kick in cause hes about to see your private space

what if he thinks your room is too messy?

what if he hates your snoring? (if u not a snorer this doesn't apply to you)

what if you kick him in your sleep?(if u not a sleep ninja see previous bracket note)

come to think of it, does he even feel comfortable sharing a bed with you? what if he wants to sleep elsewhere?

what if him and Rebecca don't get along??

or worse, they get along too well??

what if he falls for rebecca(she's gay btw)??

anyways theres no more time to stress cause you've reached your stop

you enter your apartment and Becca and Hunter are in the kitchen making dinner and chatting up a storm

Bro is invested in Rebecca's story about her coworkers that got caught fooling around in the storage room

till he noticed you of course

"babe! you're back!"

and he's scurrying over to you all smiley, greeting you with hugs and kisses

getting you a glass of water and asking about your day

just being a sweet caring bf

Once dinner is finished and you've all eaten, its decided that you gotta wash the dishes since you had the audacity to come home so late

but your lovely boyfriend REFUSES to let you do all that alone after such a tiring day, so y'all clean up together

and you're annoyingly cute while you're doing it

him flicking dish waterdrops at you(ew)

you swatting at him with the drying cloth

laughing together and making silly little jokes

y'all are cute fr

once that's been dealt with, you two can finally settle down in the living room to watch a movie

all cuddled up under one big blanket cause wdym "we don't have to share if you're uncomfortable, or if its too awkward"??

you're his baby? why wouldn't he wanna have you all snuggled in his arms all night?

but yeah, y'all picked a boring ass movie so instead of watching that shit, he starts watching your face

you're somehow a little too invested in the movie to notice him staring at you

but you eventually do notice(took you long enough)

now you're nervous again

cause whys he looking at you like that

like you're the most precious and beautiful gem he's ever seen(cause you are babes)

then he's leaning in to pepper your face with little kisses

and you're giggling trying to move away (but not really-)

and he stops before kissing your lips

cause he's a gentleman, and wants to ask first

so he does

and you let him

and y'all spend your night on the couch kissing each other sweetly, him whispering little 'I love yous' into your ear as you fall asleep.

then y'all wake up with sore backs and stiff necks cause why tf are you losers sleeping on the couch, you know that shits uncomfortable :)

#xikers #xikers fluff #xikers headcanons #xikers hunter #xikers imagines #xikers x reader #park hunter

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steffigraf · 4 months

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warning for a clearly anxiety-ridden oversharing freakout below the cut. sorry. i’m too sensitive and i’m unfortunately acutely aware of it.

tldr; im being a drama queen. gonna take a tumblr break for a week or two. to my mutuals, feel free to dm for my insta. i’ll be active until i wake up tomorrow morning and then i’m gonna zip

gonna preface this by saying this is in no way directed to the people whom i actually talk to constantly on here like you lot were lovely and im just dealing with a lot of demons in my head :(

anyway. sometimes i feel more like a product manufacturer than a person on here. and idk. i know most of you guys are really just following me for gifs and content and whatever but. yeah. idk. i guess the things i say don’t matter to anyone unless it’s funny. or if people want to call me out. not that im mad abt that exactly btw i do appreciate when people respectfully call me out for my own mistakes but. sometimes. i feel like im in a fishbowl and you’re all just waiting for me to say something wrong and cancel me. or then again, maybe most of you already think im a shit person and you just stay for the gifs. or maybe you guys think i’m a loser who has nothing to do but spend all day on this goddamn website.

and i know, somewhere inside me, that that’s not true and that it’s clearly the anxiety talking. maybe it’s just me maybe i’m making this up in my head i dunno. but i’m just kinda tired right now. too tired to battle the anxiety like usual at least. and i don’t really feel wanted outside of the content i produce, beyond the notes of my gifs or my fun posts. which ik shouldn’t matter but. i’m a pathological people pleaser etc etc.

(god, seeing this all typed out, i can’t even fucking blame you guys if you actly don’t like me cause. i kinda wanna shake myself by the shoulders and tell myself get a grip girl the world doesn’t revolve around you shut up shut up shut your damn mouth—)

i’ve been trying to manage by unfollowing and blocking a few people (which btw, if i did that to you and we used to be mutuals, it’s probably nothing personal i mostly just kept people i’m a bit closer to). but i’m still not really settled. and considering how i’m posting like every other day about feeling like shit, you guys probably figured that out lmao.

and well. on a separate note. seeing that rat’s name alone is too much for me sometimes. i couldn’t watch his game with carlos. i spent hours in his match with daniil turned away from the television, wearing noise canceling headphones while trying (and failing) to talk myself down from a full blown anxiety attack. i’ve said this before but the way people talk about him, both the fucked up silence and the justified outrage, it reminds me way too much about a family problem i have right now. hits uncomfortably close to home. prior to this i kinda thought i’d made my peace with the whole family situation but no apparently not. had he won the semis, i wasn’t even sure if i would be able to stomach cheering for jannik if it meant having to watch that man play.

so. idk. between the way actual tennis has been making me feel and the way tennisblr in general has seemed for me lately, i figure i need some space.

long story short ive been spending way too much time on tumblr this ao. and its gotten really bad for my mental health i guess. so i think i need to take maybe a week or two, to clear my head. watch tennis without opening this app every other point. spend time with people i love. get back to therapy. try to be a functioning adult.

(this is so fucking dramatic for a goddamn week of no tumblr i know that and i want to smack myself upside the head because why am i like this why do i make things snowball why why why—)

anyway. yeah. that’s it. if you actually read through all of that then. thanks. if not it’s okay too.

to my mutuals, the ones whom i’ve had at least some form of friendly interaction with in replies or dms, you can ask for my insta account btw. not that i’m crazy active on there but like. if you guys wanna be friends beyond the anonymity of this yknow. no pressure though.

#sorry to get all sad again #been editing this on my drafts all day #ive not been in a good headspace lately #*

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ivanzplaid · 2 years

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hi can you do the grabber x reader where he kidnaps you and the first or second night (he was shirtless...) you decided to bring the plate and tray back upstairs to hand it too him instead you scared the hell out of him, thinking you were escaping causing the plate to slip out of your hands smashing on the ground and he realizes what she was doing and apologize?

awe, i want this to be cute, but it might take a slight turn :) this one is super creative, a responsible reader even in times of unprecedented danger💪💪

also, thank you so much for the requests!! i think I have fouurr in the works?? its been a slower few days since i went to urgent care yesterday, still feeling a bit tired, so im sorry fir the slow days :)

but still, the engagement means so much to me and im grateful for it, ilysm <3 i don't do x fem readers, but I will do The Grabber x Gn Reader for this!!

Warnings: Inferred harm, The Grabber, Slight direct harm, Kidnapped reader

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Your eyes felt staked open, the unfamiliar aura of the room made your hair stick up. It hadn't been long since you were taken, everything was still impacting you from the past days, and even with your captors strange nature, he was staying true to his word, he hadn't hurt you yet. Your interactions were down to him giving you food, and him watching you. You found that when he gave you food, he'd normally return within the hour to take it, which to you was pleasant, you didn't like clutter, thats just not how you preferred things in life. So when the time came, and you saw that the tray of your breakfast still in your space, you felt obliged to do something.

It was obviously in the night now, the light faded from day and left you alone and isolated in your new little home. The door in front if you taunted you, begging you to just deliver the tray up, leave the place you've been grounded unwillingly in. In your mind, you weren't thinking of leaving, that ended up being all the justification you needed. You silently picked up the tray, two hands gripping it just for precaution before you officially stepped onto the cement stairs. Dread accompanied you, along with doubt as you made it to the wooden door, kicking you forward to just get it over with.

The wood seemed so hard to push open, but seeing as you made it this far, you rationalized your feelings, even in times where you knew your fate could end with a push of a door. With a firm tap, the door opened, displaying him. You firstly looked out of both sides of the door frame, your eyes skimming the room, appearing to be the kitchen. The mask uncomfortably stared back at you as you walked towards the man, you could see he was asleep, the eyes behind it were shut soundly, you found that this was the only way he appeared even slightly calm, which made you tense, your nerves starting to make you sweat.

A hand reached out to him, gently tapping his shoulder, with just a small action you felt your heart beating harder in your eardrums. You didn't want to frighten him, just wake him so he could take it, letting you retreat back safely, you preferred unharmed.

The air froze as your hand made contact, the silence became so loud and you braced yourself, like a bomb about to explode. And as soon as your hand made contact, it was like a trigger went off. His eyes shot open, keeping you in place, and swiftly taking your wrist, pulling you down to his level. The anger was evident in his eyes, and from his breathing livelier, a low growl emitting from him. You, obviously, yelled at this reaction. Your face contorting to a fearful and confused mix, giving no time to orally explain yourself, but your dishes did it for you. From the force of his grasp, your soda clinked to the floor, and the plate just barely managing to stay on.

You tried to explain yourself among your panicked breaths, hiccups now starting to consume you, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I- I was just trying to give you- you your dishes back, I promise," . Pleading wasn't your proudest moment, but it did make him pause to look down, which evidently did support you. His hand still latched on you, and his hard eyes glanced from the floor to you, making sense of what was happening. After maybe thirty seconds of silence, he let go of his posture and leaned towards you, bringing you towards him in return. Terror coursed through you, it wasn't your fault it broke, he scared you! But of course, now wasn't the time to argue, you couldn't tell what he was feeling in the moment.

"Listen, thank you for being peachy and bringing my plates back, I truly appreciate it, but next time, stay down there. I don't want to have to hurt you for disobeying me."

A sigh came out after, looking you up and down, the minimal sleep starting to become noticeable. You were frozen in fear from his words, they left a bad taste in your mouth the more they lingered. You noticed that he didn't put the belt down, or back in its place, and he caught on to your gaze faster than you could stop. A smirk appearing on his face as he grunted at you,

"You nervous? Ahah, its for later- don't think about it too much till then, the pain will only feel worse, alright?"

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i didd ittt🙏 again, so sorry for the wait, not feeling 100% better yet, but i am having fun writing these :)

i hope yall r having good days, and as always, thank you for the request <333

#the grabber x reader #the grabber #hot killer #black phone #the grabber x you #queer #slasher

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no-one-ever-questioned · 4 months

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having anxiety bcuse mom's giving me my phone back after school

ik i'm too far behind and am so close to getting an f/n on a couple subjcts but im just drained and struggling to care but also

ik i need to keep up, or at least do what i've been doing

the same thing over and over again, just keep it together

i can't cry when i need to and seem to want to cry at the worst times

i don't want to ask for help bcuse i've been gone for so long now why just show up only when i need help? idk i'm trying to get things back together

somethings wrong with cousin and mom wont tell me but i walked inside after walking max to hear her say "teenagers are assholes" like duh ik that and ik she was addressing her dad on the phone and kk but also something tells me its about cousin and whatever happened between them

idk what to make of life anymore and i keep telling myself it will get better but tbh i don't think improvement will be happening anytime soon and i wanna be so so strong for everyone else but it's starting to become noticeable ig sister keeps asking if i'm okay and gets mad when i say i'm fine or act "off" like what do you want me to act like??

keep going from normal talk to "professional" and like. i picked up a dictionary and it's helping me word and string sentances along and idk it's upsetting everyone else but idk how to make it stop either

siste(t) is upsetting me like she isn't bothering to like idk. i'm upset as is and she isn't helping ig. she's just idk it doesn't make sense and it might sound bad? she says she's hopeful she gets a phone before i get mine back but doesn't have an answer as to why. i've managed to be calm about everything but she just seems hellbent on pushing buttons like. she's not minding my personal space and i'm getting rather uncomfortable with the "suggestive" talk and shit just.

idk i don't want to deal with life anymore i'm so tired all the time and i either can't eat or eat too much cant sleep or sleep too much just mmmm

i dont want to burden anyone with my faults and flaws

and ofc sister apparently wants me to get with someone like. can she not stop? no. she cannot. she keeps talking about me having children in her dreams and ik its just dreams but i'm not parent material ik that much and i've never wanted to have kids but also babies are adorable?? like ik i dont want it. but im allowed to say that babies are adorable and i'd be fine with babysitting but never having one as my own like?? idk i dont make sense.

i cant tell if i'm spiralling downwards but this feels like a repeat of 13. functioning based off what ik emotion to feel and reacting how i see necessary/based on context clues and what i "should" feel while i'm either numb or upset. idk tbh just. want it to stop. my head doesnt feel right either. cloudy and like someone pulled the curtains over my windows and now i cant do anything

idk anyways rant of the day!

#tw warning #tw #tw vent #tw cursing #tw: mental health

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howdyfriend · 1 year

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Celeste LORE?? PREHAPS?? ANYA ?? A N DY ?? FUVKINB- EXPLODES

i am free from the road once more so i will answer ur ask now :)

Im going to talk about Anya and Celeste’s world itself first though so i can get into more character specific stuff.

Since they are super cool supervillains, they gotta have powers right? In this world, magic mostly genetic. There are alternative magics, think like potions and shit, but its weaker and more finicky. The most worthwhile magic is passed down from parent to child. It works like regular genetics, some powers are more dominant than others, generations can be skipped, etc. Anya got her powers from some distant aunt, and most of her close family does not have magic, save her cousin. Celeste’s family have had very strong, dominant magic, so she and her siblings all have their fathers magic. Magic is influenced by where and how your ancestors lived, Anya’s ancestors lived near water, so she has water magic. Celeste’s ancestors were the ones who would keep night watch, and as such has darkness and shadowy related powers. Not everyone has powers, and over time the number and diversity of people who can use magic has gone down.

Anyways Character Time Yay

Celeste grew up super rich. Like uber mega crazy rich. Not Jeff bezos kinda rich but really fucking rich. Eldest of four children, she grew up expected to bear the family name, business, and riches when her father dies. As such, a lot of pressure was put on to her. Everything was chosen for her. Every extracurricular, every class, even her outfits were planned ahead. She was allowed no individuality. She was the heir, designed to be a carbon copy of her father.

You could imagine how terrified she was when she realized she was trans.

She knew she couldn’t come out. While she didn’t like how she lived, it was better than the streets. So, for years, she sat on this revelation, growing more and more uncomfortable and angry at everything. She would reach out for support and be dismissed, restrictions for her behaviour were getting tighter, and the dysphoria was becoming overwhelming. That is until she saw the perfect chance to end all of this.

Her father had just wrote his will. One day, she went into his office to ask a question and saw it lying out on his desk. He had named her both sole heir and power of attorney to his estate, and knew that this was her chance to get out of all of this. Despite her increasing restrictions on her movement, she was able to secure enough cash from around the house to hire a hitman. No paper trail was left behind. Everyone in that house died that day, and she inherited huge money.

Anya grew up in a standard, suburban home. White picket fences, oak trees with tire swings, garages with suvs and minivans. Her childhood was ordinary at best. Despite a lack of expertise in the area, her parents managed her magic well and her abilities developed nicely. It wasn’t until middle school until things went wrong. She had been pestered by a small pack of bullies for a while, but had recently started escalating their behaviour. So she fought back. Small things at first, directing tap water back at their faces, causing clouds to pour rain down onto them, innocuous things like that. Over the course of middle school and high school she was starting to get fed up with the increasingly agressive attacks from her bullies, when it all came to a head on the night of her graduation when they tried to drop the stage lights onto her. She was a theatre kid though, and was able to get out of the way fast enough to not get crushed. In a fit of rage for ruining her moment in the spotlight (which they just tried to kill her with) she lost control over her powers, sucking every ounce of water out of their bodies. Feeling the adrenaline rush, she let herself go completely, savouring the power she felt. Eventually though, she stopped, and realizing the damage she caused, ran away.

She wasnt going to let up on that feeling of power though. Not a chance. After honing her newfound power on the local wildlife, she packed her bags and started life anew in a different country, becoming a hit man. One night she was approached by a young man seeking to inherit his fathers wealth. He knew he would be caught if he was the killer, so saught out her instead. He asked to frame it as a home invasion, as not only would he pay her in cash but in whatever valueables she wanted from his home. She took the deal, and got to work. After everything was said and done, they parted ways, Anya using her extra wealth to fund a far more lavish lifestyle. This lifestyle lead her to a house party, where she would meet an awfully familiar face.

Anyways they get together and decide “fuck it lets just cause problems on purpose” and become supervillains the end.

and for andy i have something planned for him ;) its fun dont worry :)

#robyn isnt the only one whocan have cryptic april dates #howdy's asks #howdy's mutuals #snatche i know this is you love ya bud :)#howdy's ocs

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sebisrotten · 9 months

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I havent been posting in a while, ive been deep in the hole.

I never write much really, but tonight i feel like a bit

Been working on a pretty big wall painting commission, that kinda goes a little off my usual style in a sense? [ being the subject im painting its the deity ganesh ] im nearish the end of it and its been good becouse for a while they've been giving me a room to be in.

Living in a house in winter now feels weird, im used to be either in a tent or in some kind of squat or abandoned building really.. for a ling time now ive been living in a abandoned lectric tower without windows nor a door, water or electricity in the middle of the woods, and that was my house last winter too. I wished so much for a house and warmth and i just used to live at the bar that was a punk community of pilgrims like me.

But now

Its.. like i cant stand to be in this closed walls anymore. Im still in the middle of the wooda in the nothing in a village so small and so abandoned there is 7 houses in total. Yet.

Feels tight

And i dont understand why i feel like this.. why am i not happy to be in the warmth for once? And just .. crave the cold uncomfortable memory of where i was. Toxic environment of self isolation yet forcing myself to be around, all the days ive spent in those long tall walls of the tower on a moldy mattress smoking on silver just to make the time pass to be able to sleep

Ive been completely clean here. Painting, i can have a shower when i want, hell, i can even eat fresh food from the garden for free

Im being as lucky as ive ever been for the past years really

im not happy

I got sick for days with fever not being able to psint much but still be there painting something

But not for the passion

But for .. finish it? So i can go away

I can go

Ive been looking a lot a this little metal box i have where i have inside the burned foil from my past smoking

I feel tired looking at it, i dont want to go bsck to it, i dont want to face really my problems either tho

Ive faced a lot this years

Ive done my best

So much ive destroyed myself as much as i could, thinking more to not hurt anyone else anymore

Still i do it, still i try not to and learn

Still im tired

I dont know where im going with this really anymore, i could go on and on for days with shit, but i guess i just need to let it out somewhat, it doesent matter if snyone reads it or in the end i just wnd up deleting this or not posting it

It feels good to let it out there

Its like screaming in the void posting on the internet

Ive been wanting to make a comic, or like to continue, or maybe post my old ones but for how much i want to do i always manage to do only rhe half of it getting occupide in surviving and or the opposite really

My hands hurts now i think im done, before i cant move them anymore for days, fucking EDS is a pain in the ass when you gotta paint

#vent #im sorry #here couple of pics to forgive me

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who-is-shades · 9 months

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raz dnd 16 mini sesh

lots of emotions from last time and also everyone in discord saying the robots are hot now lol

the robots leave the temple with senna following at a bit of a distance. parsley is setting up camp. zen guides android to the camp and he disassociates. wheatley is helping or trying to help parsley set up camp.

senna messages zen shes going to get teya and leaves. wheatley decides to learn message lol. senna finds teya thank goodness. shes doodling against a tree. senna comes over and sits nearby but not too close, watching her draw. oh its journaling actually.

senna tilts her head cutely and asks what shes doing. teya snaps the book shut quickly and senna apologizes. 'scared the life outta me did ya?' senna scoots a little bit closer. 'so uh...hell of a day right?' its been a lot for like a week lol. 'was this adventure everything you thought it would be?' senna tells teya she still has a life cause she keeps putting herself down.

teya asks what senna wanted out of this. senna gives a hollow and sad laugh. senna leans back and asks if teya will judge her. she promises not too. 'do you remember that feeling of hitting rock bottom, but you keep going anyway?' yep. 'i hoped this journey would help me take another step forward. and letely i dont know if im doing the right thing. and that scares me.' teya says she will reassure her if necessary. senna apologizes for cutting teya out. 'of course i gotta worry about you. your my little teya.' senna scoots even closer. 'i wanna tell you whats going on, but even im not sure whats happening to me.' teya says she will listen, even if she doesnt know.

'can i tell you a secret?' 'of course.' senna says she was a sorceror. her body is changing now. its never done that before and she feels angry ALL the time,like something wants to break loose. she says spingledorf tried to help and she shows teya an orb. how it glowed and began changing her faster. AS WERE TALKING THE ORB FUCKING GLOWS GODDAMN ITS IN HER HAND DAMMIT!

senna screams and drops the orb. too late. 1 level in sorcery and more physical changes! even more red scales over her body! its on her hands and neck now. its covering some of the circutry bits darn. her lower back is uncomfortable. her teeth are more noticible. SHES GROWING A FUCKING TAIL! senna is blue screening. 'do you see what i mean? i have a FUCKING tail.' shes gonna be a lot more emotional from now on. she shoves the orb back in the bag pissed.

teya hugs her aww. senna hugs her back shaking. 'i dont know whats going on but your not alone.' senna says shes scared to lose herself. 'you wont.' senna buries her face in teya's shoulder.

wheatley managed to set up the tents good job! SP is pretending to put up the tents lol. no ones really talking their all sad. parsley keeps making a fire and SP keeps messing up the fire. parsley sighs and goes to help wheatley who is stuck in the tent. wheatley goes to sit next to android. android just kinda zones out. SP looks at android and goes 'fix?' aww he wants to help him.

zen asks how wheatley is fairing. 'im tired. i didnt like that but that was obvious.' 'would you like to the on the otherside of me i have more arms?' he looks at android then shakes his head.

teya looks at senna. 'so how do you wanna handle this with the others.' 'i dont think i can hide this and its not beneficial.' teya offers her hat and senna pats her on the head. 'by the way have you noticed how you look lately?' senna puts her circutry arm by her face and says we match. teya feels her face and sighs. senna says they look pretty on her. 'you know you do that a lot.' 'do what?' 'you give compliments freely.' senna steps back and apologizes if she made her uncomfortable. 'no i care about you. a lot. and i dont know how you feel and it confuses me and i know were not on the same page and please speak im digging a hole.' senna says she likes her too and wants to get to know her more, but theres something you should know.

'im still technically married.' what. 'marriage was a business contract back home and i was lucky me and my husband liked each other. they probably never filed the paperwork for divorce.' teya is blue screening. senna tries to fix this by saying marriage was political and that most had mistresses and stuff for love rather than the marriage itself.

meanwhile parsley keeps collecting firewood and wheatley tells him 'we definitely have plenty you can sit. are you ok?' hes just overwhelmed and awkward with all that info lol.

teya finally responds! she laughs and says 'well id be lying if i hadnt taken marriage into account before with partners and i still wanna learn about you.' senna, whos ears had been flat, perk back up yay! senna giggles, picks up teyas hand and gives it a kiss. THE GAYS ARE BACK ON! time to head back to camp lol.

senna and teya are back yay! yep senna looks different now lol. zen is concerned. 'what happaned to you?' teya squeezes her hand. parsley is like wtf. 'well im a sorceror and i appear to slowly being turned into a dragon.' 'recent development?' 'within the last week yes.' wheatley says everyone has recent developments this week lol. senna shows the orb and explains it and stuff. wheatley remarks that we all have orbs! senna says thats not all we have in common. senna hands him a pocket mirror and tells him to look at his eye. wheatley says he doesnt see through his eye. senna confesses that she did it. zen says he also approved. senna apologizes for not asking him permission since he was kinda dead. wheatley says he woke up with that crack. but he does like the pattern being symbolic of the robot gods.

parsley is just like 'hell of a week.' wheatley apologizes if he unnerved any of us. parsley looks at wheatley and says he thought he died when he got turned off. 'it felt like it.' android speaks up barely. 'he can remove it.'

time for the long rest. awkward for the people stuck awake lol. wheatley goes eeby deeby for a moment but its for plot. little brother sent a message to wheatley awww. now its morning! here comes spingledorf! heres back to compensate us pog. wheatley and android dont wanna talk to spingledorf lol. teya returns a book to spingledorf. he notices senna and goes wide eyed. senna kneels down and says its ok they know. parsley decides to be a shit and goes 'WHAT HAPPANED?!' senna doesnt even bat an eye 'this is what happens when you fuck a dragon.'

spingledorf says its just her bloodline and its progressed super fast. the changes shouldve faded away. senna says the orb glowed and 'enhanced' her. parsley asks if she could grow wings and senna gets excited. dorf mentions her psyche will also take a hit. as a descedant of a red dragon shes more tempramental. he offers to take the orb back but senna shrugs and says her body is gonna keep changing anyway. dorf considers us friends awww.

items pog! parsley is shown that cursed axe! boosts his attack a bit but he gets super attached and he might go beserk when he gets attacked. nope he doesnt want it. handaxe of warning! much better.

time for teya! parsley goes to check on the firewood lol. teya gets a magic wand of wonder!

time for senna! guardian emblem! no more crits on senna or her pals! fashioned into the holy symbol of her goddess.

time for wheatley! he gets a laser pistol?! he shoots it at a tree and it leaves a burnt mark. wheatley is so excited! he shoots near parsley. he fucking shot him goddammit. wheatley freaks tf out and casts cure wounds. parsley is so pissed.

#senna #dnd #dnd adventures

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bbarican · 9 months

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⟡⋆˚☆˖°~ ♡ life updates ♡ ~⟡⋆˚☆˖°

hi, tumblr! its been a minute since i last sat down and talked about everything i feel like i need to talk about para, again, i can process these thigns and know how to move forward; on that note, here's some life updates for yall:

family:

we're okay naman, my cousin from iloilo is staying here until the end of the month kasi she's reviewing for the nclex so its nice to have an additional member to our family

i love my dogs so much, im just sad na si hiro (our baby boy) is the type na ayaw ng cuddles as in kakagatin niya kami if we even attempt to carry him so hindi ko siya ma-hug talaga

my kuya is finally coming home, and this time mas matagal siyang mag stay na talaga kasi he's going to look for work na here which i hope turns out to be successful

we're travelling ulit sa susunod na long weekend and im super stoked kasi we all havent been to this country before so its going to be super exciting

work:

september is going to be super busy pero i know for a fact na kakayanin ko naman

my two college bestrfriends turned officemates are now officially leaving the company; im torn kasi syempre a part of me is super sad na theyre leaving since it was really fun to be working in one company with them, pero at the same time im okay din with them going kasi atleast this (this company, the work i do, the people ill get to work with) will be my own ulit, do you get me? parang i was okay before they became my officemates and im sure im going to be okay once they leave too

im glad to have a few small design projects again kasi this time around feel ko mas kaya ko na to juggle both my roles as designer and as a manager (which is still such a funny thing to me; me being a "manager" pero when you look at everything i do, pang-manager nga siya)

im excited for the 15th kasi thankfully there's a big blessing coming our way which i will never get tired of thanking our company for

friends:

im worried na my college barkada is slowly drifting away pero again i just need to remind myself na we're all just busy and just because we're busy doesnt mean we're not friends anymore

im glad na we'll be doing our own things na; im excited to support all of my friends in whatever they do

shoutout to jed and chie, i dont know if you guys will ever see this but i miss you guys so much na ulit i hope we get to hang out na ulit soon

to keith as well! im glad na we're talking again and im glad youre back on tumblr

personal:

im glad na i actually get to open up to my mom na din; kanina over dinner, we talked about my (very non-existent) love life, and work problems, and how i feel sad about my friends being busy nga

and as much as at first it really is uncomfortable, i make sure to push through that feeling especially if kasama namin baby brother ko kasi gusto kong marealize and makita ng brother ko na its okay to talk about anything with me and my mom

i think i posted about this na nga pero ayun hindi na talaga nag message ulit yung guy na kausap ko before; nakakainis lang talaga kasi he asked me out on a date and i wish he never did nalang

my room is clean and my stuff is organized and im ready to stay in bed and play my silly little game on my phone

if youve made it this far into my life updates, thank you for reading

i hope you guys have a lovely saturday evening and i hope the rest of the weekend is kind to all of us ♡

#bbarican #personal #thoughts #writings #life #updates #update #dump #feelings

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polyhexian · 2 years

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The absolute overwhelming brutality with which tlt music approaches it's topics. It goes so wildly hard. He manages to hit this kind of razor sharp vulnerability that's relatable in an UNCOMFORTABLE way, not in a fun relatable way but in a way that legitimately can make your fucking skin crawl. Nobody comes close. "Drunk" is fucking incredible. I have NEVER in my LIFE seen or heard any piece of media, any piece of artwork address alcoholism the way it does. The unflinching aggression, like wailing at god and ripping your beating heart from your own chest. Open mouthed screaming. "What I want" openly craves the validity and safety of selling out, it has this weary wondering admission of yearning to stop making art and start making content in exchange for comfort and security. The relief of giving up. For gods sake there's a track on zero one where Sam haft merrily chants I JUST CANT WAIT TO DIE OH I JUST CANT WAIT TO DIE over and over again. Not even in a suicidal or depressed way, in an absolutely fucking exhausted way, I can't wait to die and stop dealing with everything. I don't want to die, I want to be dead. Lazy. LAZY!!! IM LAZY IN LAZY IM LAZY IM LAZY! The fucking point blank "it's been a long time since no mercy" breaking the veneer of relatability, destroying the ability to put yourself in the place of the songs protagonist, casting you out of the position and reminding you THIS SONG IS ABOUT ME ITS ABOUT ME ITS ABOUT ME ME ME NOT YOU, "the love I need" being a song about an abusive relationship with ones audience WHY LIVE A LIFE I WASNT MEANT TO? sunburn sunburn SUNBURN you smile and I get sunburned!!!!!!!! HIT THE SNOOZE DROPS AND IT FUCKINF... We are all so tired of COVID and no one wants to make art about COVID no one wants to talk about it and when they do it's revolting, I hate this, I am so tired of COVID I don't want to fucking watch a movie about it and then yoav and Sam drop hit the snooze on me with this lilting wailing grieving lonely plea for relief, the terror of illness and the isolation and constant paranoia fear misery agoraphobia, the betrayal and resentment of watching those around you reveal their selfish nature's, GOING OUT OF MY HEAD FUCKING WISH I WAS DEAD CUZ AT LEAST THEN ID KNOW IT WAS OVER. Ask me how I'm holding up and I will gleefully exclaim it's still the same

I'm fucking losing it dude this is the art I've aspired to make my entire life. I don't know this man and I know parasocial blablabla but I know in his work he talks so openly about the pressure of an audience and the insecurity of feeling like he's alread peaked and he will never make real art he's proud of again and my heart weeps for him because for me legitimately he creates some of the most inspiring and artistically valuable content I've experienced in my lifetime and it literally makes me feel emotions no other artist can evoke in me. I would literally kill a man if yoav asked me to

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firemenenthusiast · 1 month

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Add me in your taglist!!! also more jann fics pls, you do them so good.

I WANT MOREEE (im not greedy i swear)

—“let it grow”

jann mardenborough x fem! reader

summary: nothing left to do when jann finally gets a new haircut except going absolutely feral

content warnings: 18+, smut, porn with plot, fluff, sub! jann, soft jann, whiny whimpery jann, oral fixation, p in v (wrap it bro), f! masturbation (reader putting on a show for jann), cum eating, cumshots, pussy job, slight size kink

a/n: @imjustheretoreadsmuthaha had me promise to write some smut so yall have them to thank also sorry i have to repost 😭

“come again ?”

“no”

“you’re funny if you think you can look like this and expect me to not fuck you”

“yes” you confirm, before continuing

“it gets lonely, so this shirt will have to do” you say as you take a deep whiff of the scent on his shirt.

his chest is heaving hard, nervous as to find out what you’re planning on doing

reaching behind him to untie the restraint, he looks up at you as soon as his hands are free. his eyes search into yours for permission, “can i-?” you nod at him before saying,

“fuck me jann, fuck me like you miss me”

“what do you need baby ?”

“can i- fuck” he gets interrupted by your walls clenching around him

“i should get haircuts more often”

taglist: @june-ebgert @radioloom @fuckshitslover @szapizzapanda @themoonchildwhofell @love-me-pls @imjustheretoreadsmuthaha

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brokenmachinemusings · 6 months

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long post - discussion of did, psychosis (briefly), warning for possible unreality

did sucks because i forget a lot lol. like wdym i remember doing this or that but i dont remember 90% of it. idk how to explain this this mostly happens with us watching a show. eg: we watched jjk for example but as season 2 aired we had to rewatch EVERYTHING because we didnt remember any of s1. after watching the full s1 mind you. honestly, its a weak example but i know we had a jjk phase so its really frustrating. i sometimes forget how to draw. how to write. how to cook. how to sew. and it’s really, really uncomfortable. even my friends at times. sometimes it feels like im viewing my memories in third person. i dont resent myself, not the reasons for my trauma, nor any of it. sometimes i feel like i am a nobody. not in a negative way. in a neutral way, to explain it best - kind of like im just floating here. just a person, a thing, an atom, floating alongside everything else. i forget my emotions. i get its a trauma response, but forgetting my emotions is pretty useful to me. when i said ifs frustrating earlier, sure, it sometimes is, but i lied. i dont feel anything towards it. i know sooner or later - there will be an alter, going on about all this rambunctiously. but, well, what can i do? nothing. thats the truth of it. sometimes i get glimpses of memories. memories that i dont know, are they real, are they fake? and who knows. some of them are terrifying to think of. there have been people who have went through worse, though. surely mine must be unreal. simply a delusion, hallucination if you will. sometimes i forget we are psychotic. this coupled by the fact we have alters who are psychosis holders - or maybe our symptom manager. if that’s all because of her, she’s doing a good job. we also forget a lot of our delusions… or hallucinations… if we’re not living thru them. and well, you know how it is with telling whats real and what isnt for psychotics. frankly, we havent been able to tell if we have even experienced (positive) psychosis symptoms in the past few months. except for maybe some brief auditory hallucinations. sighs. existing is a little tiring. especially when theres alters running rampant with emotions, yet i feel nothing.

#text #sry it turned out long #unreality #(briefly - just in case)#kind of just thoughts ig

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moonxdreamer · 2 years

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‼️ V E N T ‼️

you dont have to read it of course

so my mom do knows I'm a slow learner, and that i have tdah and that most times i struggle with understanding assignments and she would stright go explaining (something) fast and general (i know she was stressed and in a hurry) and well i didnt understand shit so i asked her to repeat it again and then she spit the words "you didnt understand im gonna hit you, how can you not get it" of course i panicked and i tried the best to explain to her what i did understand (it was so little) and even my grandma turns to listen i notice she was also trying to understand what she said, so i explain it to mom, and ahe goes again " i already told you how to do it, im gonna hit you if you didnt understand it" and proceeds to explain it in the same way she did the first time, my grandma then says she didnt understand it too, and all of this repeats like 3 times with us repeating and asking if it was this way or that way and she getting angrier and more stressed, and in one of those she pulled her shoe almost yelling at me "im gonna hit you already if you dont understand what i'm telling you, i already explain it to you" and i said "but not even grandma is getting it" she ignores this and keeps threatening me and asking how can i not understand it.

she explain it one more time a bit more clearer but i didnt understand the whole thing so i just nod, just so she doesnt get more angrier but she does and thats when my grandme interfers and explains what she get, i know shes trying too but seems like she didnt get it right too and mom says no, so i go to the place where she wants the stuff done and i explain to mom what i get, my grandma tells her what she get too and mom repeats it like three times again more clear and detail until we finally get it, then she goes to work clearly angry and some minutes later i do the stuff

the thing is, that she has been threating me all my life, she used to hit me multiple times when i was a kid, she knows im afraid of her for hitting me, not just a slap but a thing with a belt, my fellow mexas/latinos will get it, she doesnt hit me anymore since im 18 now but what she still does is threaten me, telling me that she is gonna hit me and then yelling at me, i have told her before to not do it anymore and that i wont let her hit me again but she has been refused to, saying that is the only way i get to do what she wants, it makes me so uncomfortable and at the point to cry, this time i manage to keep my mind cold but other times? i just collapse, i cant keep this up, i do want to talk about all of this with her but i know what she will say, its one of the reasons i want to go to therapy but she doesnt want to,

now, i know you dont have to read all of this, you dont have to replied or comment but if someone does:

am i being ungrateful if i say this to her? i really dont want to make her uncomfortable but with this im putting my own mental health at risk, im just tired of this

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halfmoondaze · 2 years

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Suspicions

Part 1

Their love blossomed the more the saw each other.

Being aware of the unwanted attention and hate that could come with dating in the entertainment industry, Jack and Y/N made their best to keep their relationship out of the spotlight, especially now that all eyes were on them following the release of their collab song “Fragments”.

Jack being previously involved in several relationships, he felt different about this one. It felt genuine and pure. It was the only think that was only his and naturally, he felt the need to protect it as much as he could.

Seeing at first hand the scrutiny that can come with opening the door to unsolicited opinions of people hiding behind a screen; about the ones closest to him, he decided to maintain a low profile.

Following the Met Gala, rumors started going around that y/n and Jack Harlow were seen leaving together the Tom Ford Met Gala After Party.

The following morning Jack made an appearance at Power 106 Los Angeles radio station.

“We have Jack Harlow in here. Thanks for stopping by”

“Of course. It’s good to be here”

“You must be tired from last night”

“So the met gala was last night. How was it?”

“Well, I heard about the Met Gala growing up but it wasn’t until the last few years that I really figured what is was. It wasn’t neccesarily something I fantasized about as a kid but being invited to the it, made me feel good. Made me feel validated”

“Y/N was also there”.

“She was”

“You guys collaborated on her song ‘Fragments’. Did you got to record the song together?”

“No, but she’s a great artist. I’ve been wanting to do that for some time, and I figured it was time”

“So, a few weeks prior to the release, you guys did a live together and you seemed like you had great chemistry. Is there anything there?”

“Nah, we're just friends. Can we get back to the music?”

“Yeah, yeah back to the music. We were talking about this Rolling Stone Interview…”

Following this interview, every interview he did after that, the same question regarding his relationship status kept being brought up. And he was getting frustrated about it, and it got to a point where he started saying he was single in hopes the rumors would die down.

When Jack arrived back to y/n’s apartment after doing interviews all day, she found Y/N laying on the couch mindlessly scrolling through her phone.

Upon noticing him she dropped her phone and shifted her attention to him.

“Hey, how was the interview?”

Jack leaned to her and pecked her lips.

“Its was alright, they asked me about the Met Gala, my music, you…”

“What did you say?”

“I kind of diverted the attention to the music”

“Oh”

“What was that?”

“What was what?”

“That. Your mood shifted when I said I changed the subject”

“It’s nothing” she said getting up from the couch.

“Clearly something is bothering you. You can tell me”

You sighed.

“Jack what is this?”

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t know why I get the feeling youre planning on hiding our relationship for the sake of your career”

“What makes you think that?”

“You keep telling everyone who asks that you’re single”

“Y/N is not like that. Im just trying to protect you, I don’t want you to have to deal with all that shit”

“And you though it would be a good idea to say you were single?”

“Y/N-”

“I’m not trying to put you in an uncomfortable spot here. But its hard to see you being flirty with everyone else and denying that we are together. It feels like you’re trying to hide me and it hurts. I don’t want to be your secret”

“I know, I know. I just need more time”

He pulled her into his embrace, and he held her for a while. Y/N decided to just drop the subject because she really didn’t want to start an argument, but she held onto his last sentence.

Ignoring his management advice, he decided to push back the release date of his album. which was initially set to be released on May 6.

The following day, he announced on his Instagram the new release date with the official tracklist.

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jackharlow: 5.06.22

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metta_conchetta sheeeeeeesh

jhfan 1 👀

djdrama king shit

jhfan 2 My bday. Thanks Jack

jhfan 3 drop it now

fergie 🔥🔥🔥🔥

However this move, created a lot of discussion on twitter, regarding the new song he added on the tracklist, "Lil Secret".

What everyone didn't know was that there was a new song added to it. "Blade Of Grass".

After his last conversation with Y/N, he spent the following week at the studio, and he barely was able to see y/n as he ; and this obviously lead to more arguments.

Jack could only bite his tongue and make everything to diffuse the situation but he was scared that this could be the reason he could lose her.

On June 5th, the album released. And everyone was talking about it. Especially about "Blade Of Grass"

At the end of the song, you can hear y/n faint laughter before the song ends.

The following morning Jack posted on his Instagram.

jackharlow: Met you in the dark, tryna put the light on you

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