I want to just rewatch this movie over and over again, but the amount of fanfiction between my ship is so minimal that it's putting me off from rewatching it

spoken word poetry is a religion and my gods are blythe baird, phil kaye, andrea gibson, sabrina benaim, kait rokowski, olivia gatwood and most other performers on button poetry. i love and respect them so much. fuck concerts if i ever get to see these people performing in person i’d cry so hard i love them so much of course they’re on youtube and here are some of my favourites on spotify

and today in "why is fandom so antisemitic" just blocked two more followers in my sideblog, which makes it about 10 of what would have been almost 35 followers over a couple months. because the "all israelis are evil" bs is really big in mcyt circles.

also haven't watched the new season of hc because I don't want to touch the fandom anymore and enjoying things alone isn't as fun when you know there's a fandom. but also the fandom is full of people that wish I was dead so I dont want to be there either. which means right now the only things in my life are the jewish bloggers I follow (love yall) and doing daily challenges in microsoft solitaire. and university ig but it's the weekend and Im trying not to think about my homework rn

also gave up and made a "btw Im israeli plz stop following me if u want me dead" post on the sideblog. hope it works ig.

Good lord what I would give to just feel normal for once in my life

no one in my family tried to talk to me today, and every year it really hurts. it's so hard.

.

CHARLESSS

The one thing no one really tells you about is how lonely it is to be an adult.

That you will just lose all your friends one way or another;

men,

moving to a new job,

poor texting skills,

being the one who has to plan everything.

Just slowly drifting away.

"I have drowned in my sins, repented for my misgivings and prayed until daylight for seven years but nothing has been given. My lungs scar with burns etched with your name and I do not know how to make it go away."

Signed,

KB

If this is what it feels like to know someone is dying, I don’t want to actual grief. I can’t survive this now. He won’t make it and neither will I.

something so evil abt attending mental health treatment as a requisite for receiving disability benefits bc theres just no way to meaningfully consent to discussing incredibly private and awful things and refusing to go along with unhelpful and harmful treatments is proof of not needing help. u have to be humiliated and just keep asking for more

People are still out here fighting for their lives to defend b*lly and saying Eddie was boring smh. He was an angel who never hurt anyone

I wish people understood how easy it is for someone to relapse. You dont even have to say anything cruel and itll happen.

I was 10 and grandma told me I gained weight. All I did was hit puberty and my shape filled out. Suddenly i was wrapping myself with plastic wrap at night and spending hours exercising.

Mom said she had a scale I could use(unprompted) freshman year and I weighed myself and couldnt eat more than 1000cals for a few days. Then a few weeks. then a month or so. Why does a 14 year old need to weigh herself.

Sophomore year a boy told me Im attractive but I'd be prettier if I lost weight around my face. I went four days without eating and collapsed taking a shower at 3am and had to eat a banana on the floor of my kitchen at 4am because I couldnt stand anymore. I just had baby fat. I broke down in class because I had to eat a singular graham cracker.

Junior year a pro-ana account messaged me asking what the tag "e" meant on a picture of a girls outfit. It was just an outfit my character whose name started with an e would wear. I looked at their account and relapsed immediately.

Senior year I just saw a skinny girl and I relapsed. That was it. I saw a girl and I relapsed. The second time I relapsed senior year was because the girl I was Talking to called a girl skinnier than me pretty.

I am a freshman in college and relapsed because a guy who never saw my body said "I thought you wanted to be skinny" because I ate a bagel. That day I went from 3 meals to 2, then the same week I weighed myself bc of him at a fucking Petco(cant own my own scale) on their dog scale and now I'm restricting and trying to have under 500 cals a day. I plan to walk an hour to that Petco next week to weigh myself again.

Nearly a decade and it's all been random things. A sentence, mentioning a trigger, a skinny girl. Some of these weren't the other person's fault, I cannot blame a skinny girl for existing. I cannot blame my mom for owning a scale. I cannot blame petco for owning a damn scale. But holy shit theyve all ruined me beyond belief and between every one of these relapses, I truly truly believed I was recovered and never going back. Evidently I did not☹

“I wish I could be more helpful”

brb crying again.

just finished midnight mass what the fuck