#im having a really rough time rn i need this stupid thing to be real to fix everything | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

zeltqz · 2 years

Text

who’s caving first? || haruchiyo sanzu.

S U M M A R Y: When Sanzu only wants to spend time with his sister to get to her best friend .

W A R N I N G S - oral sex (face sitting), haruchiyo is desperate, so is reader, senju is innocent bless her, rough sex, fem!reader, pet names, teasing, sexual tension, slight enemies to lovers —you gotta squint tho—

W O R D C O U N T - 6K YEEAH

N O T E S - im actually really proud of this. HEHEHE HOPE U GUYS LIKE <333333. Also if there’s any typos pls ignore. I’m so tired rn

T A G G I N G - @magentaviolette @gajeelstan @nalyana @luvhaitani @keisaint @imjustaweirdnerd

“…chiyo. Haruchiyo!”

Sanzu snaps his head up to his sister as she’s giving him a confused yet disappointed look. “What?”

“What?” Senju scoffs, “what do you mean what? You asked to come over for ‘bonding time’, now you’re not even paying attention!! What the hell Haruuuu--“

Ugh. She’s whining again. Haruchiyo fights the urge to tell her to shut up, instead he puts on his best poker face. “Sorry, I got a little distracted.” He continues swiping the egg wash on the crust of the pastry.

“Hm, with what?” Senju rolls the dough between her hands, cringing at the way the flour sticks under her acrylics. It’s going to be a pain to clean that up later.

“My…thoughts.”

He’s not lying. If his thoughts were a person called Y/N, then he’s on point. It’s hard for him to focus on literally anything from the way at this angle he’s standing at, he has perfect access to Senju’s backyard. By the pool, you’re too engrossed by your phone to notice the way he is staring at you from over the top of Senju’s head.

Ah, great. He’s distracted again, too focused on the way your feet are kicking the water from where you sit at the pool ledge. Each splash generates a ripple that flows for a couple seconds before disbanding. It’s not the water physics he’s distracted by.

It’s what you’re wearing .

Of course it wouldn’t be appropriate to be wearing something baggy and flimsy during summer—especially if you’re by a pool. But you really didn’t have to wear something so revealing. It’s killing him inside knowing that you’re off limits because you’re ‘Senju’s friend’. That stupid rule made by literally nobody but society. He’s not sure if Senju cares or not if he fucks you, but it’s still an awkward thing to ask someone.

Sanzu looks down at the small bowl where the egg wash is—was. Now empty as he’s been mindlessly brushing the liquid onto each pastry that Senju placed onto the tray.

“Oh, is it finished?” Senju has to place her hands on the counter to lift herself up a little bit to see over the bowl from where its placed by Haruchiyo. The empty carton of eggs next to his hands also catching her eye. “We ran out of eggs too… Y/N!”

“What?!” You call from outside, still engrossed in your phone. The slightest faintest smile is on your face as you bite your lip reading your messages.

Haruchiyo can feel his fingers tighten against the handle of the basting brush. His lips curling downwards into a frown, eyes narrowing when he sees you giggle into your palm. Who the fuck are you talking to--

“I need you to go to the store for me!” Senju’s loud voice reminds Haruchiyo to keep his poker face back up, masking his true hidden intentions, the real reason why he came here.

No, he doesn’t care about bonding time with his sister, nor does he care for some goddamn pastries. What he does care about, is getting a taste of you, a glimmer of body underneath him, hear your moans as he fucks you slowly—or do you like it rough and hard? He can feel his cock twitch in his pants when you enter through the sliding doors, readjusting your bikini top straps over your shoulder. He doesn’t miss the way the strap exposed a little bit of your right boob from the movement.

“Store? For what?” You don’t pay Haruchiyo anymind at all, and he doesn’t like it. Maybe because you know what he’s here for or maybe because you just don’t like him. The second option seems more appropriate—the first option would only suffice if you were a mind-reader or psychic (highly unlikely).

It’s safe to say that Haruchiyo isn’t the most approachable person. You initially tried to become his friend now that you were best friends with his sister, but he never showed you any mind.

Maybe it’s because of the way you dressed? Looking back, three years ago, you weren’t the best dressed… only wearing baggy shirts and trousers to cover up because the boys at your school were complete total perverts. Senju understood, she even joined you in the baggy shirt gang club whatever stupid nickname you both called it.

It was dumb, you looked homeless at times, wearing clothes twice your size with no makeup done because who were you trying to impress? That’s probably the reason you think Haruchiyo doesn’t like you.

According to Haruchiyo’s sources—it was correct. He hated the way you dressed, because you reminded him of his god-awful sister. The two of you would wear the same hideously big clothes and it just looked awful. He hated it. He hated you. He hated his sister.

Hanging out with the Haitani’s (not willingly—it was more mandatory by Manjiro, to get along for the ‘gang’s sake’) altered his taste in women. Haruchiyo was never one to chase after a woman, like Ran’s sorry ass, or go on his knees and propose to a girl like Rindou’s desperate ass.

But it was quite clearly obvious that the three of them lived very different lifestyles. Haruchiyo had a simple timetable to follow. Fight. Kill (sometimes). Eat. Sleep. Repeat.

Boring lifestyle—sure. But he was satisfied.

The Haitani’s, on the other hand. Go out. Party. Clubs. Sleep with a random chick from said club. Sleep (especially Ran). Simp (cough Rindou). Repeat. It was crazy, but they aren’t called the Rulers of Roppongi for no reason.

It was tiring at first, being out with them almost all day until Ran decided it was time for his slumber. But gradually, he started to enjoy it. He even found himself attending a club on his own once. After a lapdance from one girl and a bunch of hickies from another (at the same time), he then came to the realisation that he loves women.

Loves them so, so much.

So when he saw you, without that ridiculous outfit, for the first time. His dick twitched, and he knew what time it was. Sadly enough…the damage was already done. You hated his guts and you assumed he still hated yours after three years of slandering you along with his pain in the ass sister.

It was a bit hurtful, to hear those crude comments about your clothes.The only thing keeping you afloat was you knowing that you didn’t actually dress that way--only to keep all the boys staring another direction and not at your body.

The second you graduated high school, you never wore those hideous outfits again.

“Eggs. Like two more cartons, I think. No--no scratch that. One carton is fine.” Senju washes her hands under the sink, trying to get all the flour and batter off her hands so she can grab her wallet and give it to you.

“One box, okay…” You’re still on that stupid phone. Put the phone down. “The small box or big box?”

“No. Not box, carton! Don’t come back here with 40 eggs in a big box, we’re not a farm. And put the phone down!”

You sigh and turn off your phone. The click your phone made as the screen went black made Sanzu almost shed tear from sheer joy. He silently thanks Senju for that, because now he gets to see your pretty face not smiling down at whoever the fuck you’re texting.

“Okay! One carton. Six eggs or twelve?” You reach your hand out, grabbing Senju’s contactless card from her grasp. The second that card is in your hands, you’re already pulling your phone back out, distracted by another notification.

Sanzu can never win.

“Six. I’m almost done with these pastries. I’m gonna go pack now.” Senju hurries up the stairs, leaving the two of you alone in the kitchen.

You can feel him staring at you, despite your eyes fixated on your phone. It’s getting a bit uncomfortable now, feeling his piercing green eyes burn holes into your skull, as if he’s waiting for you to say something. A puff of air escapes your nose as you look up at him, not noticing the way he flicks his gaze up from your chest to your eyes—trying to seem as respectable as possible.

“Do you want something from the store?” You don’t really care if he does or not--you just felt the need to say something to dispose of the awkward air in the room.

“Nah.” He’s about to run a hand through his hair, only stopping halfway when he can feel the stickiness of the eggs practically glueing his fingers together. “I’ll just wait till you come back.”

“Yeah… speaking of. How long are you planning to stay here? Because Senju leaves for her trip in three hours.”

He shrugs from the sink. “Dunno. I’ll stay however long I want. I pay for this house.”

You make a noise of disagreement. “Actually, Omi does.”

Omi? Oh--his pain in the ass brother. “I own Takeomi, sweetheart.”

You can’t help but cringe at the nickname. He’s getting way too comfortable for your own good. Sanzu dries his hands using a paper towel, then makes his way onto the couch. For some reason, your eyes follow him the entire time, even subconsciously walking over to the wall that divides the kitchen and the living room, leaning against it as you watch him kick his feet up onto the glass table in front of him.

“You’re getting awfully cosy. You staying a while?”

However long it takes until I fuck you.

“Yeah, think so.”

There’s a thump on the couch next to him as you plop down, resting Senju’s card on the back of your phone case in your right hand. “Any reason for that?”

Sanzu literally cannot focus, cannot keep his eyes on your face—your pretty face. Not the way you’re body is on display like this. He thanks the world for a little something called peripheral vision, making side eye contact with your tits as he’s looking dead in your eye.

Fuck, they look so pretty, even from the blurred angle. He wonders how they’d feel in his mouth. Are your nipples hard and perky? Or soft and supple? Wonders how they’d feel in his mouth, wonders how they’d feel pushed up against his cock.

He’s never been tit-fucked before, but he can picture it now. You, on your knees in front of him as you press your tits together, sliding them up and down his cock to milk hi cum. Fuck—would you lick the cum off your face, or would you let him cum on your tits.

He has to calm down, he can literally feel himself getting harder as he loses himself in his thoughts. “Reason for what?”

“Reason for staying as long as you want?” You stop and shift so you’re facing him fully now, your arm resting along the back of the couch.

This angle is even worse. Now he can see the curve of your body from top to bottom.

“I mean,” he also shifts so he’s facing you fully, “I could say the same about you. After all, this is Senju’s house. You’re also a visitor.”

“But, I’m her friend .”

“And I’m her brother.”

There’s something about the way he’s looking at you as he talks to you that has you wanting to rub your thighs together. But you know if you did, he’d catch on rather quickly. The last thing you’d want is for him to have something to taunt you with.

Those three years were painful enough.

You glare up at him, fingers tightening against your phone before standing up. “I’m going to change.”

Before he could even protest, he was forcefully silenced as he watched you walk away. The view from the back was even better than the front. “Fuck.” He whispers to himself before sinking back into the leather couch.

He drags his eyes along his sweats, thanking his past self for choosing black sweats today instead of grey. What’s worse than having a boner in grey sweats is being caught having a boner in grey sweats.

He’s managed to get rid of his boner by the time you’ve come down the stairs, dressing in a simple black hoodie and some matching joggers.

He’s missing the sight of your body already.

“Okay, I’m going now.”

The time it takes you to run to the store and back is enough time for Senju to finish packing her bags, asking her brother to help her carry it outside to her car while she takes the pastries out from the oven. Fresh and hot, she packed them in three big clear containers before shoving them inside a plastic bag.

By the time you walk in through the door, the smell of fresh break and cookies make your mouth water. Then you frown, realising you went all that way for some eggs just for Senju to finish baking. “What the hell, Senju? What did I buy this for?”

“I’m sorry!! I read the timing wrong, I’m supposed to be there in an hour from now, and--” Sanzu places his hand on her shoulder, calming her down.

“Relax. Go, take your pastries and have fun with your friends.”

He tries his hardest to sound as caring as possible—in actuality he just wants her out of the house now. He finds you’re much easier to break down and get under your skin when Senju isn’t around. This icy cold exterior you create only when she’s there.

Typical. Acting big and bad in front of a friend, but crumble the moment they’ve left.

He can’t wait to push your limits.

You wave goodbye to Senju and lock the door behind you. Heading straight over to the kitchen, you empty the bag you got from the store, placing the eggs over by the side and taking out your packet of gummies you bought for yourself as a reward for going all that way for Senju.

She wouldn’t mind if you bought a small treat for yourself.

You decide to stay in the clothes you went out in, too lazy to go upstairs and change into your pyjamas when what you’re already wearing is comfortable. You manage to watch an entire season of your favourite show, munching on your gummy bears while guessing the flavour as you blindly chew them. A little game you came up with to keep yourself occupied.

It’s not until it’s dark outside, the flickering lights outside by the pool illuminating to light up the backyard. You notice it’s been fairly quiet around the house—and that’s odd because you have a visitor.

You haven’t seen him since Senju left, and that was-- you pick up your phone from where it was sitting next to your legs and turn it on to read the time--yeah, it’s been almost 8 hours since she left and there’s been no sign of him.

That’s odd.

The flicker from one of the bulbs outside catches your eye, reminding you it’s time to head upstairs. That light always creeps you out whenever you’re over here. Grabbing your blanket and your phone, you start to make your way up the stairs to Senju’s room.

She allows you to sleep there whenever you’re staying over. Your roommates over at your house are too annoying to deal with, so you come over to hers to lay off steam. You weren’t expecting her older brother to be here though.

Humming the theme song of the show you were watching, you reach the top of the staircase, only to bump into a hard figure. Your eyes were so fixated on the ground you didn’t notice Sanzu was actually on his way downstairs, preoccupied on his own phone.

The reason you almost stumbled down the stairs wasn’t because of the contact, but instead the shiver tracing a slow line down the length of your spine as you stared up at him shirtless. The initial shock is what causes you to almost stumble down, but then he reaches out quickly, grabbing onto your wrist and pulling you back up to the top.

“Y’alright?” It’s a simple question that deserves a simple answer. It’s a shame your brain isn’t functioning at the moment, eyes too focused on the way the water from the shower he just took drips down his chest, tracing over the very faint lines of his abs. To be honest--you were not expecting this. He never seemed like the type to work out, a very lanky individual, but the physique he wears is almost perfect.

His body is nothing too flashy, yet you can already imagine placing your hands on his chest, running your fingers through the indents of his faint ab outline. The water drops just make it even hotter aswell—your dirty brain replaces that with the moisture coming from your tongue as you mark up his chest with kisses.

You shake your head. No, this is wrong. This is your best friend's brother, but he’s so hot— “No.”

“What?”

You snap your mouth shut, realising you spoke out loud. Sanzu looks down at you, a confused glimmer in his eye as he tightens his hold on your wrist, repeating his question. “I asked if you were alright.”

“Oh.” Yeah, m’alright. You forget to voice the words outloud, only realising you spoke in your head when Sanzu doesn’t let go of your wrist, actively seeking your answer. “Fuck--sorry I gotta go.” His grip on your wrist slips rather easily as you slide your body past his to get past the stairs, heading straight towards Senju’s room.

Your body makes contact with the door as you lock it from behind you and slide down the door onto the floor. You fight the urge to scream into your hands. You’re a sick human being. Thinking about kissing your best friend’s brother’s chest? Do you have no shame?

It’s embarrassing. Senju’s been such a great person to you throughout your entire friendship, and to think this is how you repay her. You slide into her bed, hoping and praying that these thoughts were a one-time thing. When you wake up tomorrow, he will be ugly Sanzu again--the one that makes your blood boil just hearing his name, the one who’s so hideously attractive it makes your thighs rub together to stop that tingle from reaching your pussy.

That Sanzu .

Morning comes and you’re eager to go downstairs, hoping that your prayers have been answered. Sanzu would be back to being hideous and you could spend your week here in peace with 0 dirty thoughts. Easier said than done right?

He’s still shirtless. All morning. Afternoon too. And evening.

This is getting ridiculous at this point. Like it is hot outside, but to be shirtless all fucking day? C’mon. He has to be doing this on purpose. He must’ve seen the way your brain short circuited last night on the staircase with just a glimpse of his chest that was even barely visible due to the darkness from the lack of lightbulbs in the hallway.

He has to be doing this on purpose.

You disregard everything your brain was convincing you not to do yesterday, and chose to walk around the next day in just a t-shirt and panties. Is this a little weird? Yes. Are you going to stop? No. You could feel his gaze on you—well on your ass and thighs, the t-shirt riding up your thighs with every movement you made, exposing more of your skin to him.

Sanzu couldn’t help but think you had beaten him at his own game. It’s no secret he did walk around shirtless to try and fluster you, but you managed to compose yourself. But him right now? Seeing you in just a tight shirt with straight up panties underneath—fuck they were black too. His weakness.

He can’t take it anymore. It’s only been a couple hours and he’s already giving up on the imaginary game you both created.

“Turn around.”

You pause your movements, hand frozen over the freezer door. Over the curve of your shoulder, you can see him standing behind you, wearing a shirt this time. It’s a shame honestly, but you’re not complaining. No more temptation.

“What do you want?” You choose to ignore him, bending down to the bottom shelf of the freezer to pull out a popsicle. It was extra hot today, you needed something cold to suck on. You know he’s staring at your shirt as it lifts up over your ass, exposing your panties on full display. You know the popsicles are in the top drawer--but that doesn’t stop you.

By the time you grab the one you wanted, you take a stand up and take a step back to close the freezer door only to walk right into his chest. You’re about to make a witty smark remark about how he needs to learn personal space, when he leans forward, his chest pressing against your back. The words die down in your throat as he practically pushes you up against the freezer. His hands slide down your body slowly, too slow for your liking. His fingers slide down to the hem of your shirt, lifting it up slightly before sliding his fingers up your stomach. You can’t breathe like this, breaths come out heavy as you try to focus on the feeling of his hands tracing onto your stomach. They leave your stomach, sliding down to your hips where he dips a finger underneath the fabric, lightly touching your skin with soft touches that have you burning up with heat.

His fingers feel so… you can’t even describe it. It’s only a couple touches and you already feel your panties getting damper with every lingering touch he gives you. You throw your head back onto his shoulder as he begins to press kisses down your neck. From this angle, it’s a little uncomfortable having to strain your neck all the way back to give him more access--but it’s worth it. It’s so worth it. His soft lips feel 100x better than the simple touches of his fingers.

You swear the heat radiating off your body is enough to match the weather outside, you feel the packet of your popsicle start to drip as it starts melting.

You bite back a moan as his fingers slide down to your panties, about to press onto your clit before the heat suddenly disappears and it’s now you can feel the cold press of the popsicle packet digging into the skin of your fingers. Coming back to your senses, you lift your head back from his shoulder and open your eyes. You didn’t even realise you had closed them. Fucking Haruchiyo .

“Excuse me,” he says, opening the freezer door. You stand there, jaw dropped to the ground as you watch him pull out a packet of frozen peas from the drawer.

“Are you—are you kidding me?”

“What?” He asks almost like he’s genuinely confused as to why you’re reacting this way.

“Why did you-- you kissed me!”

“I needed to get past the freezer.” He laughs, biting his bottom lip as he watches your whole world unravel and fall apart. It’s working. Ran’s advice is working. Get her needy and desperate for you, then she’ll come begging to you for more. He can see it in your eyes if your voice wasn’t enough evidence as is. The way it wavers ever so lightly, voice a tad bit higher than your normal pitch, the way your chest is still rising and falling faster than usual. This was so brilliant.

“You don’t s-seduce people into moving out of the way, Sanzu.”

The stutter? God, you were easier to break apart than he thought. “Yeah?” He steps closer to you, towering over you as he watches you try your best to keep a decent poker face on, meeting him head on with a stern expression, only to fail the moment his hands land on your hips. “Who said I was seducing you? That sounds like a you problem right there.”

Oh this fucker . You know exactly what he’s doing. He’s met his match alright, thinking he can play you, then get you to question whether or not your feelings are real or not from his actions.

“It’s not?” You alter your voice slightly, getting on your tiptoes to make your move—or better yet leave your mark. You brush your lips against his neck ever so slightly, feeling him tense up as the hot air from your nose tickled his skin. Holding the popsicle in one hand, you use the other to run your fingers through his long hair, kissing the smooth skin on his neck ever so lightly. Using the same feather light he kisses he littered all over your body.

Sanzu bit his lip, grip on your hips tightening as he felt your lips move across the sensitive skin on his neck with his ease. He almost moans when you kiss up to his jaw, tongue licking a stripe up his skin before tracing the length of his jawline with kisses.

The moment you reached his chin, you pulled back slightly, looking him eye to eye as your lips practically brushed against his own. “Hi.” You whisper, dropping your eyes from his own down to his lips, those same ones that were on your body not that long ago.

His eyes scan over your face, lingering a little too long on your own lips. It makes you feel naked and vulnerable under his stare. It’s overwhelming, yet you find yourself leaning closer, and closer. Your lips touch, but it’s not a kiss.

You almost have him. So close.

The moment he’s leaning forward, you’re pulling back, arms stretched out as you yawn loudly. “Fuck, I’m so tired.”

You don’t even get the opportunity to walk away, leaving your plan ticked off with 100% completion, because his fingers are grabbing onto your chin, forcing you to face him as he presses his lips against your own.

In case you tried some slick shit again, he locks you in with a huge hand on your hip as he works his mouth against yours. You drop your popsicle, it lands on the floor with a squelch next to the frozen peas.

The second it hit the floor, your hands were on him, grabbing onto his hair to scratch at his scalp as he kissed you feverishly. “Fuck…I’ve wanted this—f-for so long.” He pants against your lips, not even giving you a second to respond as his lips are back on your own in a heated makeout.

Your response is faint whimpers and moans as he coaxes your mouth open with his tongue, licking and sucking his way into your greedy mouth. He has an iron grip on your hips as he lifts you up and off the ground, your legs immediately wrap around his waist for support.

You’re being placed onto the couch, back hitting the soft cushions as you scramble up on your elbows to watch as he strips his shirt off. You don’t get time to look at his chest properly this time when his hands wrap around your ankles, tugging you closer to him. You slide off your elbows, back onto your back as he’s hovering over you.

“I wanna get this done quickly--” he’s unbuckling his pants and you watch as he can’t even be bothered to pull them down all the way down and off his legs, reaching inside his back pocket to pull out a condom. “Wanna do the honours?”

You frown, puffing out your upper lip as you grab the condom from his hands, sitting upright as you pull his boxers down. His fingers find themselves on your face, cupping your cheek as he looks down at you, “Why’re poutin’?”

“Because…I expected—y’know…”

“I don’t know.”

You rub your thighs together and watch as his eyebrows raise. “Ah, I get it now.” He takes the condom from your hand, intertwining your fingers together as he pushes you back down onto your back. “You one of those, right?”

“One of what?”

“Foreplay bitches, always want to be carressed and shit, ‘m I right?”

Isn’t that the bare minimum..?? You slowly nod your head and watch him chuckle, pressing a kiss to your forehead. “You’re cute Y/N. I’ve never done foreplay before, but I’ll try it, for you. Kay?”

“Okay…”

You let him kiss you again, and you can tell he’s genuinely trying this time, his lips feel more tender as they slide against yours. The hairs on his neck stand up when he hears the deep satisfied sigh you let out, hands climbing up his face to cup at his cheeks.

He has a hand sliding down your body to your panties, hooking a finger underneath, pulling back just as fast as it snaps against your skin. You squeal into the kiss, his tongue easily sliding in the moment your mouth opens.

You eagerly suck on his tongue as his fingers slide up your shirt, resting directly atop your boob. He pulls away with a satisfied smirk on his face, “No bra?”

“It’s hot.” You feel him squeeze your boob, moulding it in his hands as he half heartedly listens to what your excuse is.

“If it’s that hot, you shoulda jus’ walked ‘round shirtless.” He’s sliding your shirt up and over, your arms lift up to allow him to fully remove it. “Fuck—knew you had nice tits.”

“I do?”

“Um, yah.” His chuckle is breathless, seeing you splayed out beneath him…so lewd,so sexy. Just like he’d pictured. Your breasts on full display,all for him. He latches and sucks on your nipple a bit too rough from what you’re used to, but you strangely like it. Liking the way his teeth scrape against your skin, the way his flicks your nipple with his tongue at a pace that shouldn’t even be possible.

“Oh my god—haru..” You breathe, scowling when he laughs against your nipples. The hot air from his nostrils doing nothing but adding more sensation to your sensitive buds, muscles flexing causing your breast to twitch inside his mouth.

He continues his ministrations, sliding a hand down past your panties, pressing up against your slit. You can feel him barely digging into your folds, only a light press, can feel the slick sticking to his finger as he drags his hand away from your cunt. You watch with open eyes as he puts it in his mouth---a taste test.

Something changes inside him. He’s sitting up, dragging you along with him roughly. He’s positioning himself to lay down and you think you can tell what’s about to go down.

“No.”

“Don’t be a pussy.” He grabs at your hips and pulls you towards him. There’s enough of a gap between your pussy and his face, sliding through that said gap so he’s looking directly up at your clothed pussy.

“Sit on my face.”

“N-no.”

“Why not.” You gasp when he peels your panties aside, a soft gasp leaving his mouth when he sees just how wet you are.

“I-it’s embarrassing ..”

He looks around the room dramatically, fingers still digging through your folds carelessly. “Nobody’s here but us princess, now--” He grabs your hips, ignoring your yelp in favour of tugging you flush against his face, “Fuck—that’s it.”

He begins to eat you out, tongue sliding up and down your folds, loud moans leaving both your mouths; yours are almost sobs, the way he’s fucking into your cunt with his tongue, lips circling around your clit.

“Fuck—you taste, s’good—s’amazin’ for me.”

“H-haru! Ohmy--“ you’re fighting the urge to rut your hips down, not wanting to suffocate him. Hell, he’d probably like that---the sick bastard. “Yes, yes yes.” You chant over and over again, shamelessly rutting your cunt harder onto his face, to get the feeling of his nose brushing against your clit. “Shit! I’m close—Haru—I’m--“

He moans as he feels your walls clench around his tongue, briefly pulling out to stuff a finger inside, moving at the same pace his tongue was. You moan out his name as you cum on his face, riding out your orgasm as he suctions around your clit, lapping up your juices from your cunt.

“That was so hot.” He lifts you up and over him, resting you beneath him. He grabs the condom where it dropped on the couch and rips it open, rolling it down his length. He hooks his arms under your thighs to spread you out more, enjoying the view of you spread out, cunt wet and pulsating with the need to be filled.

“Ready?”

“Yes. Put it in please--“

You scream when he slams himself inside with a simple thrust, his cock curving in all the right directions, tears pool in your eyes as you’re unable to adjust to the stretch of his cock.

He doesn’t give you any time to prepare yourself, time was already ticking with all that foreplay. He needs to feel you cum around his cock now. His speed is fast, calculated, each slap of his hips against yours reaching directly into your cervix.

You’re loud. Louder than you’ve ever been before.

“God—so hot, think I’m gonna cum soon--“ his voice is strained as he fixes his gaze on his cock as it slides in and out of you. He’s holding your legs apart by the ankle, spreading you out in the way he seeks fit.

You’re not prepared for when he suddenly pressed downwards, folding you in two as he continues his hard thrusts. The couch is shaking as you moan his name out, over and over, the power behind each thrust is harder than the last.

His rhythm is getting sloppier, you can feel his cock twitching inside you that you know he’s close. What’s his next move--? Will he come inside you? Or pull out and cum on your face? He seems like the type to enjoy facials.

“S-sanzu--“ you whimper when he looks down at you, “cum on me… please.” You don’t care where at this point--as long as it’s not inside. You’re not ready for that yet.

“Fuck,” he grunts, throwing his head back and repositioning his hips to slam harder into you. You grip onto the nearest cushion, grip so tight you swear you can rip the fabric off if you tried hard enough. “That’s it—cum around my cock, sexy.”

You can’t help it, body spazzing violently as you hide your face with the cushion, muffling out your moans as you cum on his cock.

His movements still and he’s quick to pull out of you, ripping the condom off and tossing it somewhere across the room. His hands are fast, jerking himself off before he throws his head back, moaning quite loudly as he splashes ropes of cum on your chest, aiming for your nipples but some lands on your stomach.

“Oh my god.” He watches with wide eyes and heavy breaths as you dip your fingers onto the pool of cum on your chest, scooping some up with two fingers, stuffing them into your mouth, moaning obscenely around your fingers as you suck the residue off.

“Next time,” you take another scoop, but instead of eating it, you play with it, stretching your fingers far apart to see how far it stretches before it eventually snaps, “next time cum inside me.”

“Next time?” He leans forward to kiss you, groaning a bit at the salty taste of his cum, but it fades away with the way you’re licking into his mouth. You hum and nod into the kiss, fingers sliding behind his back to leave scratch marks that have him shuddering.

You break the kiss to bite at his bottom lip, “Yeah, next time.”

Sanzu thought this would be a one time thing—hit and dip—as the old saying goes. But seeing you there, looking up at him so deviously—he doesn’t think he can fuck another woman that’s not you again.

#—tr </3 #sanzu x reader #sanzu haruchiyo x reader #sanzu haruchiyo smut #haruchiyo smut #sanzu smut #sanzu haruchiyo x you #tokrev sanzu #tokrev #tokrev x reader #tokyorev x reader #tokyo revengers smut #tokyorev smut #tokyo rev smut #sanzu scenarios #sanzu imagines #zeltqz

2K notes · View notes

vickyskpopkingdom · 3 years

Text

Baekhyun :: working blues

request: Hii! Im rlly into baekhyun's new album rn and i was hoping u could write a fluff where ur just having a rough day and he sings u to sleep pls!! Rlly like ur fluff writes btw 💕💕

thank you so much for your kind words! i haven't written about exo in a long, long time but i hope that you still like what i came up with!

warnings: overworking, stress

1.8k words, gn reader

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sometimes you felt like the world was collapsing on you. The weight on your shoulders got too heavy at times and you were just tired. So tired, so tired. Today was one of those days.

The work you had to do didn't seem to end. At this point you couldn't even count how many e-mails you had answered, how many texts you have read, how many calls you made and how many words you have written. Your eyes were so tired they started to water at the sight of the bright screen of your laptop in front of you. When had it become so dark around you? Hasn't it been noon just a few minutes ago?

A quick glance through your bedroom window and towards the clock on your wall told you something different. It was already eight p.m., the streetlamp outside your window was the only source of light right now other than your laptop. With a sigh you leaned back into your chair and tried stretching your arms as well as your neck and legs. Every joint in your body seemed to make a protesting cracking noise and as you tried to massage your neck, your muscles burned with protest.

You sighed again. Maybe you really should invest in one of those fancy office chairs that claimed to be a blessing for your whole body. At the thought of the price however you shook that thought out of your head.

Standing up you got through another round of stretching your whole body and decided to check out the kitchen for food. It only hit you as the dim light of the fridge illuminated your face that you were supposed to go grocery shopping today. Empty shelves greeted you back and your stomach grumbled angrily.

You tried hard not to scream out of frustation. Nothing wanted to work your way these days and you were honestly so tired of it. For some time you were able to tell yourself that everything would work out and that you would find your working blues again but that was yet to happen. Quietly you closed the fridge door again, sliding down against it to the floor.

The project you had been assigned at the start of last week was way more complicated than you had anticipated, the sources you were thinking of using turned out to be a scam. Adding to that the promotion you had been so sure of getting had been given to someone else and while you could understand that they deserved it, you were sure that you would have deserved it as well. Not only was your fridge emtpty but you had been neglecting your healthy eating habits for quite some time now, which only frustated you more.

And today all of these things seemed to add up all at once, crushing you under their weight.

When was the last time you really had a good nights sleep? You had worked late and gotten up early, eating only bits and pieces of instant food, sitting at your desk all day and falling into bed only to repeat the same cycle over and over again. Right now you were fighting to keep the tears at bay but the merry-go-round in your head kept spinning, piling up more and more worries.

When was the last time you had seen your friends? When was the last time you even properly talked to them? You were always telling them that you were busy with work when they asked to hang out. They never pressured you to still come with them but you knew that they would love to see you again even for a few hours. Yet you still could not get yourself to take their invitations, the thought of your unfinished project sitting in the back of your head constantly.

When was the last time your boyfriend--?

Just as the tears started flowing down your face the doorbell rang. Its sound surprised you so much that you jumped up, your heart beating fast. The clock in your kitchen read nine p.m. One hour went by while you were staring holes in the walls and drowned in your thoughts.

You couldn't really think of a reason why someone would visit you this late, on a weekday nonetheless. But not answering the door wasn't an option either, you would just start to worry about 'what-ifs'. So you decided to take a peak through the peephole in your door.

Your heart picked up its pace at you saw a familiar face illuminated by the light of a smartphone-screen, lookin worried and confused. Fumbling with your keys you opened the door and the person looked up from their phone.

"Hey Bambi, are you okay?"

Baekhyuns voice filled your ears as soon as he looked into your face. He eyed you up and down, making sure you were alright. "I texted and tried to call you for at least two hours now. There was no reaction from you whatsoever."

As you allowed him to step into your home, you sighed. "Sorry, I threw my phone across the room at one point and didn't pick it up again."

Your boyfriend chuckled as he got rid of his shoes and coat, placing both neatly onto their usual spots in the entrance of your flat. Just the sight of him, doing everyday things, smiling, talking was an instant boost for your mood. Now that he was here you fully realized just how much you had missed his presence.

"Why would you throw your phone?", Baekhyun questioned.

You made a dismissive move with your hand, not wanting to talk about the infuriating call you had to make a few hours ago. "I was frustrated", you only said.

Together you and Baekhyun made your way towards your bedroom. Just as you stepped into the room and turned on the lights you remembered the state you left your working place in. But it was too late to make him turn around now. Quickly you tried to tidy up the place a little bit, hiding the traces of your overworking as Baekhyun cleared his throat to gain your attention.

"Are you drowning yourself in work again?"

You stopped dead in your tracks. This wasn't the first time he had seen you piling up work on your shoulders and ending up being unable to do anything else. Back then you had promised him to take better care of yourself or at least take real breaks once in a while to catch a breath.

"Maybe...."

Now it was Baekhyuns turn to sigh. "Did you eat today? And before you answer i mean 'eat a proper meal'."

Picking up your phone from the floor you sat yourself down on the bed. "No, not really. It's just this project..."

Baekhyun shook his head at you, but you still noticed the small smile on his face. "You are such a hard-working person. But you need to allow yourself some time to breathe, you know?"

His voice was calm, sounding like music to your ears. Even after all this time you had been in a relationship with him you were still surprised by how easily he could make you relax.

"Yes, I know."

"And since I am such a caring and awesome boyfriend", he said, rustling with a plastic bag you only now noticed in his hands, "I brought you some food."

As you looked into his smiling face you couldn't help but ask yourself how you got so lucky.

The meal was good, it was your favorite and having Baekhyun by your side made you feel even more grounded. It almost felt like you gained new energy after a week of complete exhaustion and constant worrying. While you were eating the both of you talked about everything and nothing, catching up, telling stories and sharing your newest netflix suggestions.

The evening proceeded and your eyes landed on the clock again. It was late, if you were still caught up in your workaholic-lifestyle you would have already been asleep right now. However surprisingly you currently were not even close to worrying about getting up the next morning. What bothered you most right now was that this evening would end and eventually you would have to go to sleep an wake up in the morning, getting back to your work.

Baekhyun seemed to notice the frown on your face sooner than you could hide it again. "What's wrong?"

You shrugged. "This is nice, simply being together with you. But you probably have to leave soon and then tomorrow I have to work on this stupid project again."

"I can stay the night, if you want me to of course."

"I didn't want to pressure you into--"

"You didn't", he interrupted you, before you could end the sentence and feel like you made him stay against his will, "I actually wanted to ask if I could stay anyways. Tomorrow is one of my free days. I could even keep you company while you work."

Your chest felt warm at his words. "I would love that."

Soon you two found yourselves back in your bed, bodies entangled with each other, quiet breaths sounding through the room. You could feel your eyelids growing heavy, but as soon as you closed your eyes all you could think of was the next morning, the project, the unanswered emails, the calls.

"Still can't calm down, Bambi?", Baekhyun whispered in your ear, while slowly stroking your hair.

With closed eyes you shook your head. "I can't take my mind off of work."

The next thing you heard was quiet humming coming from Baekhyun. You could feel the vibration of his vocal chords against your own body. His voice really was a blessing for everyones ears, he could carry emotions through singing that you weren't even able to put into words. His songs made you happy, they made you cry occasionally, they made you feel calm or made you miss something you didn't even knew existed. It was a gift.

His humming transformed into words, calmly sang into the otherwise dark and quiet room.

It's a night filled with a single stream of light

You're my timely rain, Bambi

I don't want to waste even a second of this night just

being the two of us

As you listened to his singing, you could finally feel your muscles relaxing, your brain calming down and your whole body drifting towards sleep. There were no worrysome thoughts turning your mind upside down anymore, there was only Baekhyun and his voice filling your head with images of your favorite places, your favorite memories and him. The warmth of his body under the blankets made you feel safe, at home. This was were you belonged.

And while Baekhyun continued with the song you fell into a deep sleep, one that you deserved after all the work you had done. You already knew that you found your blues again. Everything would work out again, just like you had always thought yourself. And all you had needed was just a small push in the right direction from the right person.

I don't want to wake up from this dream, keep this tempo

I hope the sun doesn't rise while I keep my eyes closed

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I really hope you enjoyed this one! It was nice to write something again but I do feel like i am a little bit out of training i guess haha

and also if you feel like the reader in this scenario, please remember that there will be better days & that life is more than working day to day! take a break, make some tea, get some fresh air and get back to your work with a fresh mind; you can do it!!

#baekhyun #byun baekhyun #bbh #baekyhun imagine #baekhyun scenario #baekhyun fluff #x reader #baekhyun x reader #gn reader #exo #baekhyun bambi #exo scenario #exo imagine #exo x reader #baekhyun fic

68 notes · View notes

aangfanclub · 4 years

Text

liveblog s2 ep2: the cave of two lovers

sokka has the best hair. kataang stans get rights ig

Levi, before its even started: this one looks like its about love and uhh i dont like that. Thought love was canceled ever since yue turned into the MOON

WE ARE BLESSED WITH HAIR DOWN SOKKA AGAIN

Omg we love to see fun chill times with the gang

Ohhhhhh are we getting some kataang content rn??? Oh? I can get behind it

Sis: Momo and sokka DO have the same vibes. I refuse to elaborate

That hippie is keanu reeves !! specifically as bill or ted

Zuko said i was in a bush for 5 minutes and i wanna give up on life jskdfkls

Sis: zuko needs hair advice from sokka

Ooooooh appa looking SO cute with the hippies

Sokka be roasting katara at every turn djsfkjksd

The hippies said Sokka u need to learn to vibe for real

Wait hold on isnt omashi just a city?? How is bumi a king?? IS HE JUST THE MAYOR ?

Abby: i hope they keep these flowers in their hair for the rest of the show

Okay does Katara's hairline have a slit in it? Or are they really short bangs????

[Argument abt katara’s bangs. Eventually we just agree that sokka’s the only one with good hair in this show]

Aang is so happy this is all ive ever wanted

We are danging to the song these earth nation hippies are SO valid

The guy got the chorus and levi exploded “THAT’S WHAT THIS IS FROM??? IVE HEARD THIS ON TIKTOK SO MANY TIMES”

Omg this slaps SO hard

Aang deserves a flower crown and im so glad he got one

Yes. we always only need to be doing what makes appa comfy

[to the tune of secret tunnel] BUZZCUT ZUKO! UNCLE IROH

Someone adopt zuko and iroh and feed them. They’re like college boys who dont know how to do their own laundry

Sokka congrats on being the one with the braincell this episode

I love these hippies but they are all SO stupid

YES we’re travelsers,,,, of COURSE we have names,, zuko how have you managed to look so evil for so long when youre so stupid sjdlfkskl

Mushi and junior. Im going to die

Abby: this is how i feel at six flags trying to read the map

Bro: sokka hates this tunnel bc he doesnt believe in love

When u invite a random scarred child named junior into ur house and he spends the whole time eating ur food, giving 1 word answers, and staring at the wall dramatically thinking abt his tragic backstory

WOLF BAT WHAT

Yall are NOT making appa comfortable!! Get ur priorities straight!

Bro: appa’s bouta go sicko mode on that bat for real

Sokka imagined a world in which he was stuck with hippies and SCREAMED dkjsfsjdhk imagine,,

Is zuko gonna get? Human connection????

Matching burn scars? the Romance

We are vibing SO HARD to all of these songs dsjkfjkf u have no idea

[sis: imagine being named zucchini. Bro: imagine being named abigail. Sis: STOP IT THAT WAS SO MEAN]

Thanks sokka’s instincts!

IVE HAD AN IDEA FOR LIKE AN HOUR NOW JDFKLJKSDJKLSKL ME

The power of love always so strong omg

Katara said “what if we k’d in the secret love tunnel.. Hahah just kidding ....unless.?”

SHE REALLY DID OMGGGGGG

Aang said oh uhhh,,,, I suppose we could k for the greater good

Katara is so salty ksdjjkdsjklsdkljsdkjl

ID RATHER KISS YYOU THAN DIE THATS A COMPLIMENT AANGDJKKDS THIS IS WORSE THAN DO AN ACTIVITY

Sis: man BOTH the boys in this show have top notch game ive GOTTA say

[bro:: ok but he was frozen for 100 years, sis: that has no affect on his game!!!! Bro: maybe it DOES]

Im a sucker for zuko being polite. That boy says thank u once and i believe in goodness

Zuko just stole their horse thing?? Rough

Bro are they gonna K IN THE DARK?????

Kataang stans have rights i guess

Bro those badgers can earthbend??? Can animals earthbend??????

Sokka play a love song i swear its ur time to SHINE

SOKKA DROP UR FIRST SINGLE

Absolutely they kissed. 100% they kissed. This is the sweetest purest episode

“We let love lead the way” sokka did not even bat an eye jkdsjsdkl

Keanu stop pretending to have wisdom to give djsksdj

Oh katara is SO blushy they DEFINITELY kissed in there i am losing it

Oh no oh NOOOOO omashi!!!!

Bro: what about king annoying??

We stan kataang i guess. Sokka still has the braincell tho

#liveblog

105 notes · View notes

splendidshinobi · 3 years

Text

FULLMETAL ALCHEMIST 2003 LIVE REACT: EPISODES 16-20

well we're back after a short break from last episode's explosive discoveries

episode 16: that which is lost

lust plz fuery has never spoken to a hottie before

you know what i need an alcohol

pause

ok im back

roy r u a masochist

bradley youre lying about marcoh

wait...why does bradley think the philosophers stone doesnt exist?? um

omg why is team mustang running their mouths rn

edward that was SNAPPPPPPPPPPYY

mustang please shut up

armstrong is top tier

always has been

alphonse is as precious as ever i see

yes tell him edward cause 2003 roy mustang cut off my big toe

nina flashbacks ope

scar be holding kids hostage now? aight....

damn marcoh whad did u do!!!!!! homie stabbed lust

it wont work but im proud of the effort!!!

alphonse is lost???? not my son!!!!

a farm boy hello farm boy

drawing passed down the armstrong line for generations

oooooh ed droppin the ishval bomb

GIRLY JUST STOLE HIS LEG???? MAAm

how did he not feel the nerves coming apart from his body

also girl that wont work for your dad hes probably 85 times taller than ed

al getting deep with farm boy

ALPHONSE

ED HOW DID YOU REATTACH THAT LEG YOURSELF

whats going on here anyway

just to talk about ptsd and stuff ig??

why does ed just tell anyone now that al lost his body sir keep it to yourself

HAHAHAHA "YES????"

i love them

episode 17: house of the waiting family

"no family waiting" edward...pinako and winry are rolling over in their graves

awww light purple worksuit love the look win!!!

proud of u for growing ed

ed your heart eyes are showing

this episode is so far like the same as fmab 6 so i feel like theres not much to say

oh a weird cow and a girl

nelly or whoever has a big ASS FOREHEAD

oh the beginnings of al's identity crisis i see

hahaha armstrong

AL OF COURSE YOU HAD FRIENDS BABYDOLL

where did armstrong come from

sry i stopped paying attention for a sec

SEE THIS IS WHY I WAS LIKE HOW TF DID ED CONNECT HIS LEG HIMSELF LAST EP

ed and winry are god tier ship no matter the medium

major spaz

oh winry is gonna open that watch

i guess they dont need to go to freaking rush valley and have paninya steal it if they already did the birth arc with gracia instead ugh

ed were you showering in your boxers

my son is so stupid

GO OOOOOOFFFFFFFF WINRY ROCKBELL!!!!!!!!

awwww theyre at the house

omg winry's got the light they were talking about

she loves them so much

dont forget 3 oct 10?????? nah 11 homie

anywayyyyy

episode 18: marcoh's notes

before we start ROSS AND BROSH MAYBE PLEASE???? wouldnt put it past them to take them out

huh???? lust looks like who now

side note my sister, who is watching brotherhood for the first time, had the idea to make gluttony shaped stress balls like HOW CUTE????

anyways

edward is an absolute nerd

"not as if the library is going anywhere" sure sure dont jinx it armstrong

OMG ROSS AND BROSHHHHHHH

HEART EYES

hahahaha edward on the floor

"I THOUGHT YOU'D BE FULLER AND MORE METAL" BROSH PLEASE!!!!!!

oops bye bye library

guess we're off to see sheska again

sheska is definitely a lesbian

i mean shes like amestrian velma dinkley

sir r u really gonna transmute the ashes

i-jesus

i mean i think of this everytime i see sheska i think about how crazy having a photographic memory would be but how crazy would having a photographic memory be

s2g hughes' eyes are literally like highlighter green

why is alphonse such an angel!!!!!!!

whenever hughes goes off by himself i get nervous because 03 can do anything...like expect the unexpected when it comes to 03 honestly

so um is lust....scar's brother's gf or something?

oh i forgot i was reacting and now the episode is over hahaha okay

episode 19: the truth behind truths

the kids have it ROUGH

maria ross mom friend vibes rn

oh my god edward

the tea cup...al's face...my kids

03 ed is so depressed my god

both ed and al need a hug

ooooofffff 5th lab

i guess we're gonna see barry again since they decided to introduce alive human barry for shits and giggles

the boys are gonna SHIT. THEIR. PANTS. when homie shows up

hold on

aRE THEY SAYING BLOCK???

yEAH

I googled it and Brosh is also pronounced as "Bloch" which i guess makes sense

so thrown off but im dumb as heell so

hahahaha with the barbed wire

hi scar ya too late pal

kinda vibin with these background tunes

spoopy

ummm scar what r u DOIN

what the f alchemy is that

oh great scar is going to the 5th ig

envy i missed u!!!

oh imitating my son? rude

“the guards are idiots” well here we go slicer bros and barry

to be honest if i ran into a booby trap smorgasbord in real life i would Die

there they are the armored palz

THE BOULDER AND HE’s SMALL

HAHAHAHA

um was that

greed? lying down in a purplish aura thingy?

um sir?

*rewinds 10 seconds to check*

yeah

number 48 is kinda snatched though???

gasp! a blood seal!! what who knew!!

episode 20: soul of the guardian

im just impatiently waiting for the barry reveal at this point

but ed and 48 are just doing their thing ya know

for an episode with two fights, they sure do a looooottttt of talking

yessssss here we go barry the chopper

ok i do prefer this in manga/fmab canon though

cause its so funny when barry is offended that al had never heard of him and he thinks he this prolific serial killer and al is like

well um im from the country sooo

but anyways yeah i totally forgot he kidnapped winry in this what an odd choice fr

AL’S FACE HHAHAHA

“no im not a crook” of course not alphonse

tbt to my first time watching fmab and being like “...kyo????” as soon as barry started talking

here comes lil slicer

there he is!!! bros just being bros

i TOTALLY FORGOT ABOUT SCAR JESUS CHRIST

um where’d he go he was just here

seriously where tf did he go

gonna have to rewind in a second but maybe im just stupid

actually i am stupid thats a well established point

oh here we go al’s full fledged identity crisis subplot

oh baby

ok now that ive got to the end lemme rewind and see if i actually saw scar or if i blacked out for a hot sec

OHHHHHHH HE WAS PICTURING SCAR’S DESTRUCTION STRATEGY it was a lil baby flashback

yeah i truly am dumb

we’ve known for awhile now

#carol watches fma03 #carol's remaining brain cells #fma 03 #fullmetal alchemist #ive been watching like 1 a day not that anyone cares #THUMBS UP EMOJI

4 notes · View notes

kinktae · 4 years

Note

I’m so proud of you for not only finishing the masterpiece that is Bitchin *chef kiss* but also getting the final chapter out when you were hoping. Every little win should be celebrated so make sure to give yourself some credit x

bitchin 10 asks (finally!)

thefouranemoi said: just finished bitchin! it was soooooos soooooooooo good! im a sucker for a really good slow burn but this wasn't dragged out or overly dramatic. it was perfect and im so glad y/n and jk have each other. thank you for such a series!

sadlemonboy said: i read bitch’n 10 on the bus and was trying so hard to just not cry. i was so good i love it so much. just like thank you

Anonymous said: WHAT'S WITH YARA AND TAE??? ARE THEY TOGETHER??? WILL WE EVER KNOW???

Anonymous said: Buttt just out of curiosity what happened with Yara and Taee, did they became fvckbuddies or smth

forvever-ddaeng said: STOP IM FUCKING SAD ITS OVER :( WHEN I READ “I SLEPT WITH ERIK” I WANTED TO STAB MY EYES OUT LIKE WTF BUT THE PAPER WAS HONESTLY SO FUCKING CUTE IM SO HAPPY WITH HOW THIS TURNED OUT I LOVE YOU AND YOUR BRAIN 🥺 p.s. do you think you’d ever do a drabble or epilogue where we get more of yara and tae? Totally cool if you don’t want to I was just wondering

O.O

Anonymous said: BITCHIN PART 10 WAS SO GOOD!!!! I WAS CRYING LAST MIGHT, THINKING THAT Y/N AND JK WERE JUST GOING TO PART WAYS,,,,HEKDHBFKD FUCKIN HAD ME SCARED. OMG SUCH A GOOD SERIES!!!!! I CAN'T WAIT FOR THE NEXT ONE.

Anonymous said: AHHH I LOVED BITCHIN SO MUCH!!! This has always been one of my favorite fics right from the beginning and probably will always be one of my favorites. You did such an amazing job. I’m sad Bitchin era is over but I’m excited for whatever era that will be next:) Thank you for writing this, ILY

Anonymous said: THANK U FOR BITCHIN IT WAS AMAZING

Anonymous said: Bitchin was one wild ride 😭😭 I loved it and can’t wait for more of your rewind series 🥺💕💕

Anonymous said: 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺💜💜💜😩😩😩😩- my reaction to bitchin final (for now)

Anonymous said: REST IN PEACE BITCHIN AAAAKAAKK.,?!@ FOREVER IN MY HEART GOD DAMMIT I CANT STOPCRYING ARE U HAPPY ROSE DID U LIKE CRUSHING MY FEELINGS LIKE THIS OIOOHNMY GOD 😭😭😭😭

jessiejellybean said: The only thing I can say about bitchin finale is GAJSOSLALHSISSAOWLLANSHSJAKA SERIOUSLY ITS SO GOOD THIS SERIES AS A WHOLE IS UNBELIEVABLY GOOD 10/10 WOULD RECOMMEND

Anonymous said: bitchin was so good😭 i am BEYOND devastated knowing that ill no longer be getting notifs on another update🥺it was so fun to be a part of this journey consisting of having to anticipate for another part to be posted for as long a month! but never have i regretted any second of waiting bcs the result came out so well written and interesting u might as well make it into a hard copy or a movie and get paid loads🤩 keep up the good work❤️

Anonymous said: Funnily enough, you were the first EVER bts blog that I followed because I thought you were funny as hell. Then, you posted part 1 of bitchin and on god I swear I signed my life away for bitchin!jk 🤡. I've officially lived through an era 🥺🥺. I'll miss them but I'll always be the biggest yaraxtae whore 🥵💦 -♒

sydney--chan said: This might sounds totally stupid or whatever, but bitchin' means a lot to me and I'm so happy that you decided to share it with us. Not to get all sad n shit but I started reading this during a really rough period in my life. This story allowed me to forget about all the stuff that was going on, even for just a little bit. This story means so much to me and seeing it end is like making me 😭😭😭 this is the perfect story and I love you and thank you for creating such a beautiful story

Anonymous said: THAT WAS SO GOOOOOOOD the way u wrote about jungkook’s feelings tugged at my heartstrings like my heart physcially legitimately hurt ur writing was so spot on!! all the details!! Totally worth staying up even though i have class tm

Anonymous said: miss rose i just wanted to stop by and say thank you for always giving us such masterpieces. as a jk whore (ot7 whore in general but ya know) bitchin was just *chefs kiss* i literally looked forward to Sundays bc I knew there was a chance a new chapter would be posted lol. I am sad to see bitchin end but am also suuuuper excited to support your new fics and anything else you come out with. you’re the best. love ya 💕

Anonymous said: Bitchin' 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 I'm going to say this for the umpteenth time... IT WAS SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO GOOD. It's one of the best fanfictions out there and I'm gonna re-read it at least five more times. Thank you so much for blessing us with this bounty! Take care! 💜💜

koru-rhi said: I should really be asleep but I had to finish Bitchin & I went back and reread it from the beginning to the end and I just want you to know how much I loved it! It was a beautiful smuttyfluffyangsty ride and I can’t wait to read more of your writing! I totally lost it at Everything I Didn’t Say 😫 btw.

Anonymous said: Wow bitchin is over... what is there to look forward to now on this app :(

Anonymous said: I AM NOT CRYING, YOU ARE ALL CRYING I CNA IT THE END DNDMSM MY POOR HEART. AGHHHH SNAMAMA PLEASE,WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME. YOU ARE KILLING ME. I DON'T KNOW IF I AM SAD OR HAPPY OR BOTH.

Anonymous said: UGH! bitchin 10 was amazing *chef’s kiss* I sobbed, I felt their earnest love for each other. A real roller coaster just like my emotions rn. Ngl I sound like a middle aged white mom giving a book review 💀 anygays I just wanted to say that I love ur stories and they’re always so well written

betysotelo18 said: Bitchin'...has me in tears! For some reason I thought this was going to have smut...Who needs smut! This was PERFECT! The damn piece of paper made tears roll down my cheeks! I loved every single chapter. Thanks for sharing

deewhalien21 said: Waiting bitchin part 10 was hell, couldn’t imagine living without them now😔 I’m going to miss them, like a lot. And thank u for good memories with these people mam, thank u for making me experiencing heart break that I could never have. I’m waiting another great stories❤️😔

lalumaia said: That was just perfect, Rose. Thank you, I love you

Anonymous said: hi, bitchin was soooo good and every time you uploaded i felt so happy and excited for the next one, thank you for all your work!

Anonymous said: when i saw the warning said “angst” i was so worried they wouldn’t end up together :( thank you for this rose this was such a beautiful story and experience!!! love u lots angel

Anonymous said: ROSE HOLY SHIT THAT WAS SO GOOD !!!!!!!!

unknowntalesx said: ROSE IM CRYING WHAT THE FUCK I LOVED THAT SO MUCH MY HEART WAS BEING SQUEEZED AND TORN AND I HAD/HAVE LITERAL TEARS RUNNING DOWN MY FACE

Anonymous said: OMG CANT BELIEVE BITCHIN IS OVER 😭😭 i loved everything from the beginning till the end 💜 THANK U FOR WRITING SUCH AMAZING STORY

Anonymous said: On god bitchin is the best series I’ve ever read on this app. The ending was great too! Just sad that it’s over :( thanks for writing it

Anonymous said: FAM YOU GOT ME CRYING IN THE CLUB WITH BITCHIN PT. 10! I absolutely adore your work so much and Bitchin was absolutely beautiful and so fantastic to read. I love it and you so much! Thank you for giving us something so beautiful ❤️ P.S. now take a long break girl because you deserve it

Hi friends! I can’t even begin to explain how much every single comment/like/reblog/ask in regards to bitchin has meant to me

#ask

22 notes · View notes

captainillogical · 5 years

Text

Devil’s Ballroom ch.3

A year after the events from the earth’s final attack, Little Homeworld is finally complete, and there’s a new jazz bar where gems and humans mingle and drink. - As you’re typing back a reply, someone pulls the stool out next to you and takes a seat. You see a sliver of pink out of the corner of your eye as you try not to actually Look. Oh god. It’s her. God can’t help us now.

Spinel/Reader

collab with my lovely wife @firstofficertightpants

She sets her mostly empty drink down on the counter, and turns to look at you when Bismuth walks over again, stealing her gaze right back.

“That was nice, Spinel. I think that was my favorite song of yours yet.” She says to her. “You want another round?”

“Aw jeez, thanks I guess, Bis.” Spinel says sheepishly. “And yeah, I think I’ll need it tonight.”

You pretend that nothing weird has ever happened to you at all in your life, and down the rest of your drink. You want like, 5 more of these and then you'll be able to deal with this.

Y/N: Yeah. I remember the night. She's also sitting right next to me. Uh.

Alex: for real

Y/N: I might be internally having a panic attack.

Bismuth pours Spinel her drink, and she sighs. "It's just, today was kind of rough. Blue called and wanted to apologize for things that she doesn't need to be apologizing about, and I kind of wish they'd calm down a little and let me exist in peace."

Bismuth nods. "Steven has talked a lot about them. They seem really difficult to be around, if I'm going to be honest. They don't quite get.. real people problems."

"You have no idea." She replies, and takes a long drink. “They don’t even understand privacy. I couldn’t do anything without them basically following me everywhere. It was stifling.”

“Seriously, I’m not sure what I expected from the Diamonds, but if you told me that 5000 years ago, I wouldn’t have believed you at all.” Bismuth says, “I’m just glad you have some much needed breathing room.”

“It was long overdue. Several months in their presence was more than enough.”

Bismuth gives Spinel a tired smile, and turns to you.

“How are you holdin up there, Y/N?” She hands you another drink. “You’ve only been here 25 minutes or so, and you’re on your 3rd already. That kinda night?”

“Err, just in the mood I guess.” You reply and laugh. You weren’t trying to eavesdrop. Bismuth turns away to a couple of other patrons and busies herself making a few mixed drinks for them.

Alex: dude kick her for almost killing ur dad

Y/N: What, and get myself killed? Fuck no.

Alex: ur a pussy

Harper: did she say anything about you taking a pic?

Y/N: No! Please don’t curse me.

“You know, if you wanted a pic so bad of myself, you could’ve asked.” Spinel says, turning to face you directly. You stare at your phone and can feel your face heating up for being called out. You can feel your mouth working way faster than your brain can even comprehend.

“My friends are shitheads and didn’t believe me when I said I saw someone cute on stage.” You say, and immediately shut your mouth. If you could sink into the floor right now and disappear forever, that would be great. God doesn’t grant you this though, and you curse him for it. “I mean.. I’m sorry. That was rude of me to do without your permission.” She grins.

“Ya know, I didn’t actually see who did it, I just saw the general direction of the flash and walked towards it, and happened to find an empty seat next to someone looking fairly nervous.” She laughs. “Way to out yourself there.”

You look at her. Fucking goddammit. “I seem to be doing a lot of that today. Ughhhhh.” You drag your hand down your face in dramatic fashion, and take a drink. You’re starting to feel the alcohol slowly take a small bit of effect. “Song was nice by the way.”

“Oh, thanks.” She looks a bit surprised, like she’s not used to compliments. Hm.

“I’m not so musically talented myself, but uh. I can make some mean enchiladas. AND I can make a calculator spell the word “boobs”.” You say, like it’s somehow impressive.

“What’s an enchilada?” Spinel looks at you suspiciously. Oh right. Gem.

“It’s.. food. Hold on.” You say and pull up an internet browser to google the definition of enchiladas so you can show her a pic. You see the group chat go off a couple times and keep swiping away your friend’s rapid texts, knowing that they’re asking you too many questions right now and you’re determined to show this alien one of your favorite foods. Tonight sure is a weird night. You find a good pic of enchiladas, and turn your phone towards her. “See? Tortilla, cheese, meat. Great stuff. You can even change some of the ingredients and make them a couple different ways. All pretty good if I do say so myself.” You say as she looks at it, and you can see your phone chime with another message notification. You pull your phone away quickly before she has any chance to see whatever the fuck your friends are talking about.

“Humans are strange.” She replies, a pondering look on her face. She takes another drink and sets the glass down gently, keeping her hand lightly on the glass. You notice her fingernails are short and clean. You wonder if they grow like human nails? You wonder how similar gems are to humans in general. “You guys have to eat to survive? And you all grow so much all the time, and you’re constantly changing. You can’t even grow limbs back, or shapeshift. What’s the point?”

“The point?” You laugh. “I mean, science IS advancing and we can grow organs from plants, in a lab. Can’t grow limbs back.. yet. I can’t exactly change being human. Besides, you gems as a race don’t exactly look like you have any fun at all. Being human is all about having new experiences.” You say.

“Well, maybe I’m having fun now.” She says, tapping the rim of her glass. You kind of look at her for a second. She seems to be tapping her left foot on the side of the stool, maybe kind of nervously? Her hair is up in a ponytail, and she's pushing some of the fringe behind her ear. She’s cute, you think to yourself.

“Oh?” You say as you smile slyly into your drink. You think you see her blush a bit.

“It’s been a while since I’ve been here. Last time wasn’t so nice. Some guy tried punching me, he was drunk and recognized me from the earth attack last year. Bismuth had to kick him out.” She says stiffly, and takes a drink. “I’m sorry about that, by the way.”

“My dad almost died.” You say. She winces.

“I am really sorry. I do regret how I dealt with my entire situation.. I’ve had a lot of time to think about it." She sighs. "I’m just glad no one actually died. And thanks for not cursing me out, for all of this."

"He's hard to kill, anyway."

"What?" She says, staring at you incredulously.

"My dad. He's done so many stupid, dangerous things that I remember from my childhood. He must have some kind of divine blessing, because even when he fought that gator off grandpa's porch, he came out without a scratch. And that was one really pissed off gator." You say. Spinel laughs heartily. She's actually really cute when she laughs, and you can't help staring for a second. “There was also that one time this guy attempted to rob us at a gas station, and he took the bastard down with the unopened energy drink from his cup holder. You wanna know what he had to complain about afterwards? That he had to now go buy another energy drink. That’s my fucking dad, I guess.”

“Your life sounds interesting.” She says in reply. “I can tell that you love him though.”

“Yeah. He’s kind of my entire life. He’s all I have left of my family.” You say, smiling. “He’s a good dad. He tries his best.” You hear your phone chime a couple more times, and roll your eyes. They’re so fucking needy. “My friends are extremely obnoxious, and must know what I’m doing at all times. You have anyone like that in your life? Because I could pawn off Alex on you if you want.” You grab your phone and open up your group chat to see what they’re talking about. There’s quite a few missed messages.

Harper: she hasn’t said shit in a while and i’m kinda worried.

Harper: what if she got kidnapped. D:

Alex: shes probs in the middle of a bar fight tbh

Alex: im pretty sure that alien started it or something

Alex: she was probs all like “im gonna kill ur planet now and finish u all off!!”

Alex: and Y/N was like “not on my watch BITCH” and decks her

Alex: the whole bar claps

Harper: shut up it’s been like 10 mins and she hasn’t said anything and i’m nervous.

“I have a few people who I’d call friends here. Bismuth, Lapis, Amethyst.. Steven. I kind of feel like I’m bothering them when I’m around, in general..” She says, swirling the drink around in her glass. She regards it, lifts to her lips, and takes a drink. “Steven sometimes asks how I’m doing.. I know he cares. I have a hard time letting myself be honest with him. Cause.. you know. He’d try to solve all my problems. And I try to deal with them on my own.”

Y/N: I'm not dead. We're talking. She's nice.

Alex: wow are all genocidal maniacs nice i wonder

Harper: TALKING. YOU'RE TALKING TO HER

Y/N: YES WE'RE TALKING.

Y/N: She even apologized about my dad, and the entire shebang, really.

Y/N: She's nice conversation, anyway.

Harper: whoa she apologised?

Alex: youve got to be kidding me rn

Alex: lemme just go revive gengis khan so we can have a nice chat over tea

Alex: this is absolutely nuts why am i the only sane one here

Alex: im gonna go fucking feral

"It's such a Steven thing to do, too. You should've seen how he was when he found out about my mother." You laugh, and set your phone down on the counter. "He literally tried to go out and find her. He's such a sweet kid, but I had to break it to him that even if I knew where she was, I didn't want to see her."

Off to your left side, you feel someone approach you at the bar. You turn your face to see who it is. It's a man who looks a decade older than you are, and you've never seen him before. He nods to regard you.

"Can I get you a drink, beautiful? You look absolutely lovely." He says, leaning in slightly.

"Thank you, but I'm alright." You put in your best polite, but fuck off smile.

"You're just going to say no without even considering it?" He smiles, and you hate it. He's giving you terrible vibes and it's making you uneasy.

"I said I'm good."

"Yeah bu-" He starts, but Spinel cuts him off.

"She says she's good, pal. Leave the dame alone." She crossed her arms over her chest, and glares at him.

"Damn fine, stuck up bitch. Didn't want to talk to you anyway." He spews, and leaves to the other side of the bar. Thank god, you think to yourself.

"Thank you for that." You say to her, seriously relieved. "Fucker needs to learn how to take no for an answer."

“Yeah, well. No one harasses a girl on my watch.” She regards you carefully. “Do you mind if I ask you something?”

“No?” You lift an eyebrow in response.

“What happened with your mother?” She says, grabbing for her drink and taking a sip.

“Oh. Um,” You’re a bit surprised that she seems to genuinely care. You’ve known her for all of like.. a half hour. “She left when I was 5. Just had enough of dad and I, I suppose. Dad says it just came out of nowhere, and he has no idea what happened. We were a happy family, and then one day after dinner, she went into their room, packed some things in a single bag, and left.” You pause to take kind of a long drink. “And no one knows where she went. It’s been 17 years. Not a single word. It actually really fucked me up for years. I felt abandoned and absolutely worthless. How could you raise a child for 5 years, and just fucking bounce? Like, did she read a manual on how to fuck up your kid and give them emotional problems for the rest of their life? God, what a fucking bitch. I can’t even IMAGINE doing that to a kid.”

Spinel is staring at you with wide, shocked eyes.

“Eventually I ended up gaining some friends that helped me get over it, for the most part. They’re stupid and I love them. And if they ever found my mother, they would murder her in a heartbeat.” You say, chuckling. Spinel is still staring at you. “Are you okay? You ask.

“I’m fine, it’s just.. I don’t think I’ve ever met someone like me.” You watch her fiddle with her fingers. She moves slightly, and you see her shirt open, heart gem glimmering in the low lighting. You don’t want to be caught staring at it, like a crow to a shiny object. (You want to touch it. You want to touch it bad. Is it warm? Is it cold? Is it smooth? You need to know.) “I also had a very important person abandon me. The MOST important person to me, actually. For uh.. 6000 years.” You look up and your eyes make contact with hers.

“What.” You say. “6000 years.”

“Yeah.. It’s kind of embarrassing now, though.” She shrugs. “But it was terrible, and now I’m here. I’ll never get closure the way I want from Pink Diamond, because she’s gone forever. Anyway,” You kind of want to hug her. “I’ve been surviving, and I think I’m doing okay.” She smiles slightly. Bismuth is suddenly in front of the two of you.

“I saw some commotion all the way from the other side. That guy bother you? Want me to deal with him?” She says, all while refilling Spinel’s drink without even asking.

“Nah, he fucked right out of here when Spinel told him off.” You say, and finish the rest of your cider. Blegh. Warm.

“Is that so?” Bismuth say, grinning. She’s pointedly looking at Spinel. Spinel is giving Bismuth a dirty look. Oh my, what is going on there? You feel your bladder cursing up a storm inside you.

“Bismuth, I’d like another beer please.” You slowly get up on sleepy, wobbly legs. “And I’ll be right back, gotta pee.” You turn and look at Spinel, who looks back. “Guard my purse.”

“Cannnn do.” She says while taking another drink.

You make your way slowly over to the bathroom that was actually just 15ft away from you, and go over to one of the stalls and plop down onto the toilet, pulling out your phone to look at group chat.

Harper: so my brother got catfished again

Alex: LMFAO

Harper: how many times is this? 4? for fucks sake

Harper: he’s 29. you’d think he’d have his shit together by now, but noooo.

Alex: that is honestly the saddest thing ive heard

Alex: wins most pathetic man of the month

Y/N: oof.

Y/N: Yeah that’s just sad.

Alex: Y/NNNNNNNNNNNNN!!

Alex: how are yoooouuuu

Y/N: I’m fine. I’m having a nice time.

Harper: you still hangin with the not-evil-now alien? :p

You choose to reply later, and instead finish your business in the stall. You come out and wash your hands, making sure you wash them thoroughly. You never know what kind of germs are in bar bathrooms. You’re drying your hands when you hear the bathroom door open, and someone is walking in. You turn to look, and it’s a familiar figure. A man.

The man from earlier.

#spinel #spinel x reader #spinel su #steven universe #spinel self insert #fic #my fic #devils ballroom

78 notes · View notes

spacejew · 4 years

Text

oops accidental personal post I guess

It's weird that I almost feel the need to go here to personal blog again because of a handful of irl friends following what was supposed to be a private personal Twitter in theory, just for like, idk, internet strangers and friends I made online not those imported from meatspace. Also those character limits... Suffocating.

Anyways yeah things are kinda stable but dissapointing lifewise? I'm definitely in a rut and stuck somewhere I'm desperately trying to get out of. Also like. idk. Gender shit. I think I really fucked myself over hard when I made the decision a few years back to conviously bottle up all my dysphoria and trans feelings and bury them and repress them hard and just live as a very gay and feminine bi boy and like. hm. I think I've been happy since? But im thinking now that maybe. Because that's still a part of my psyche that haunts me every day. I might actually have been mildly depressed this whole time and like, still struggling to make important life decisions because of the anxiety of that. Idk. Maybe if I got a therapist and realistic attention to that all those years ago and it turned out to be very real n legit and i got to make tough choices and live my truth, I would be equipped now to actually be joyful and able to fully focus on hard work and taking risks and putting myself out there and being successful and shit. Idk idk idk. I just have to wonder if all this time I've actually been quite unhappy and filling the void with dumb shit and a good deal of dissociation and complacency. Idk. what I'm saying is maybe I made a big mistake there lmao and could've started transitioning, if that's right for me, 4-7 years ago maybe, who knows. Haha so fun. Fuck me. Big Regrets, lads. But also I still don't know if that's right. Which probs means it is who am I kidding. Oof. But it's ok life is a journey I'm full of wise shit and I know it's not the end of the world. It just kinda. Makes me so sad on behalf of the old me who would cry so much because of dysphoria and living in this body in this life. She knew. I don't know why I buried her alive like that. Anyways.

I spent all year struggling to make an animated short (which ended up being kinda long tbh like 10 minutes?) by myself mostly, just me and my mental blocks and executive dysfunction and shit, but I was v passionate about it and worked hard and got to actually bring a whole vision to life, with basically nobody to tell me what to do, just give me feedback that I wasn't obligated to follow. It came out pretty nice and I'm very happy that I got to tell exactly the story I wanted and try a cool new look and I just wish I gave myself more time to work on the actual animation part but I put my heart and endless weeks and months of refinement into the storyboarding and script and every little detail and I really feel accomplished and like it paid off -- and I even got to do a private screening at my summer camp job that I was called in to do one more time at the last minute right when I finished my film, it was a miracle and so perfect, everyone cried and truly loved it and felt touched by it. And then I went to animation festivals! And all this cool shit! But... I haven't been able to figure out a public screening thing yet. And I feel like all my excitement is gone now. And I really wanted to polish the look and some backgrounds a little, just some very quick rerendering and comp, but. I feel like too much time has passed, i just feel dissapointed. I haven't put it online yet cause I haven't done my public screening, cause of my stupid anxiety about little details and overall idk imposter syndrome I guwss I feel more ashamed of it than proud of it even tho it's probably good, and like I feel that everyone was excited to support me but probably nobody cares anymore.

Basically I had all the wind taken out of my sails. Oh and right when I was trying to get it off the ground I guess and push through, my grandma died. I'm so heartbroken I loved her so fucking much and. She never got to see the film cause of my stupid bullshit. I feel so bad about that. So so bad. Ugh. And it's a film very very hilariously blatantly directly based on me and my feelings and my real family history, ultimately besides other main themes it's about talking to your grandparents and family about the past and your current feelings. And in it the main character, a girl, cough cough even though it's basically me, cough cough go figure, gender shit, anyways the climax is her going back in time to talk to her great grandma, and it's very emotional and my best friend of like almost 10 years now composed and recording a music for that scene for me. And now when I eventually screen this, my entire family and also myself is gonna get torn to shreds by this scene more than intended because my own fucking grandma, who I was excited to show this film to more than anyone on earth, passed so unexpectedly without seeing it. Fuck. Why didn't I send it to her when she was in the hospital? Obviously cause if I did that that would make it real and she wouldn't get better and all I do is live in denial. Ugh. Anyways yeah. The point is I'm stagnant and in a rut right now and just want to move forward and focus on making new work and just get a real career relevant job already. Tough year hit a well needed high and now petering off back into misery. Not to be dramatic. I'm ok tbh I have a part time I'm slowly getting sick of and a loving supportive partner and some very good friends, tho not as many as I used to see regularly and that's kinda sad too. That's your 20s babey.

I just need to move on and make big changes. My pattern rn is like. Work fri-sun, if I'm lucky I get to hang out with friends or lovers, usually at least with my partner. on monday I recover from working. on tuesday I have dnd and usually get some stuff done but honestly just catch up on warframe with my clan friends. wednesday my partner and I got to the park and library for half the day and eat and draw and talk. on thursday I mentally prepare for work again and usually we go out to play another roleplaying game with her roommates friends. a lot of that free time that's been left unmentioned is spent being over at bae's sometimes so I don't have the ability to get much work done. Lately I've spent most of my time planning a dnd campaign which is fun but also too stressful on account of obviously I'm not playing it yet so like what's the point, sorry friends who have patiently waited for months for me to be ready to start the game for them. And also like. Yeah idk. just sad and confused and resting my weary heart and body after a very rough month after my grandma passed. But! I did accomplish a very crazy deep cleaning of my room. I threw out 14 bags of shit at the least. I wish I weighed it all, it was a lot. I feel so much more organized and cleansed from that. For the record I didn't have any trash in my room, nor was it every a mess. Just every single cabinet and drawer was crammed full of stuff and I guess I hoarded a lot of shit. I was able to throw away a lot of things I held on to be cause of sentimentality and I'm proud of myself for growing that way. So like. Idk. It's not all bad, baby steps. I still feel like I'm constantly improving as a person! I'm positive, optimistic. Just tired, anxious, and feel bad.

Also I finally got a new phone and because of my hubris I dropped it without a case and it shattered only two weeks in. The day I was gonna buy a case. But it's ok. Story of my life I guess. I can't keep everything pristine and polished forever, one day shit falls and breaks but it's still usable. It has character.

I wasn't expecting to dump everything like this, sorry yall. Thanks for reading I guess. Also I forgot how to do a read more on mobile lol sorry

#personal #capn whitey #tw death #i guess

2 notes · View notes

serenlyss · 5 years

Text

Growing Up

Rating: G Pairing: Background terumob Summary: Shigeo decides to branch out a little. Crossposted to AO3: Growing Up

Here's my second stab at @bisexualwinry‘s fluff prompts!

On an unrelated note, I've been looking for fellow mp100 writers here with the potential of creating a writer's discord! Specifically I've been looking in the mp100 fandom since that's the one I'm most active in rn but it's open to all fandom writers. I haven't created it yet bc I haven't seen enough interest but I feel like it could be a really fun place for writers to get together, find beta readers, workshop ideas, etc! If you're interested, hmu here on tumblr or my discord (LyssaGirl1998). You can send me an ask or an im, whatever you prefer!

“Master Reigen,” Shigeo says one day from his spot on the couch in Reigen’s office, “I think I’d like to learn to play piano.”

Reigen looks up from where he’s tapping away at his keyboard. It’s still odd to hear Shigeo call him that, after he’d admitted to being a fraud, but despite his insistence that he doesn’t need to anymore, he still does anyway. Shigeo reclines against the couch, one leg lifted so that his ankle rested atop his opposite knee. He has a book open in his lap, which he’s been quietly reading up until now.

“Piano?” The voice of Reigen’s unwanted and self-imposed secretary butts into the conversation before Reigen can reply. Tome leans forward in her seat, the seat that used to be Shigeo’s, before he’d stopped coming around as frequently. “What would you want to learn something like that for?”

Shigeo shrugs with a small smile, slipping a bookmark between the pages of his novel and setting it aside for now. The smiles are less rare now, more generously offered and less stifled and withheld. “It was thinking that it could be fun to learn how to play an instrument,” he explains. “I don’t have a lot of hobbies, after all.”

Reigen’s more than a little surprised that piano is the thing that Shigeo has decided to pursue. He’s never seemed like much of the musical type, aside from whatever music he liked to listen to in his free time, and he’d only ever taken interest in a few random activities, like exercising. But he’s in his third year of middle school now, and he’d finally started letting go of the tight hold he’d kept on his emotions for all those years, so it’s only natural for him to want to explore those hidden and repressed sides of himself now. Besides, Reigen finds the idea of careful Shigeo sitting at a piano quite easy to imagine, once he puts his mind to it. “Hmm, I think it would suit you,” he comments. “Why piano, though? Any particular reason?”

“Well, Teru knows how to play, and he’s even offered to teach me a few times,” Shigeo replies, his smile turning a bit more shy and fond with the mention of his boyfriend. “He’s really talented, and I bet he’s a good teacher.”

At her desk, Tome makes choking noises and pretends to be sick.

Reigen ignores her entirely. “I think it’s a good idea,” he says. Shigeo deserves encouragement and support, and if he wants to try something new, Reigen firmly believes that he should.

Shigeo, at least, seems pleased with the answer, nodding with a confidence Reigen still isn’t quite used to seeing before returning quietly to his book. Reigen lets himself stare a moment longer, noting that Shigeo’s gotten taller. It won’t be long before he shoots over Reigen’s head and starts rivaling Serizawa.

He huffs out a breath that ends up sounding annoyed, turning back to his work. These stupid kids, they really do grow up way too fast.

---

Teru and Shigeo meet after their club activities often to study and, occasionally, to have a brief piano lesson. Teru can’t fit a keyboard in his little apartment, so he comes to Salt Mid instead, and the two of them take up residence in one of the school’s open practice rooms in the music wing.

Shigeo’s fingers are inexperienced and uncertain, and he’s quick to doubt the soft way he presses the keys, so different from Teru’s quick and confident playing. He’s stubbornly dedicated to learning, though, and his ear is incredibly sharp. He picks out his mistakes quickly after he makes them, fingers jerking into the correct positions with little need for Teru to correct them for him. Teru’s quick to praise him for his progress and gentle when he points out his missteps, and they quickly fall into a routine in their lessons of sitting on the bench together, close enough to brush shoulders, Teru leaning over to mess with the music while Shigeo does scales and arpeggios and sight reads the kind of music meant for three-year-olds and pretends not to notice how the proximity makes his chest warm comfortably.

---

Ritsu hears Shigeo practice, sometimes, when their mother goes to run errands, their father isn’t quite home from work yet, and it’s just the two of them in the house. Usually it’s when Ritsu is up in his room, working on his homework. He’ll catch the faint, distant sound of piano melodies as Shigeo plays whatever comes to mind: random little tunes that Teru’s taught him, old folk songs and nursery rhymes, and occasionally something of his own creation.

The tunes start out rough and shaky, large breaks between bits of the music Shigeo hasn’t quite committed to memory yet. Ritsu wonders how he can see so little progress and yet still not find himself frustrated. He shakes his head and goes back to his homework, drowning out the quiet plinks of the piano beneath him with headphones and his own music.

---

Shigeo graduates middle school.

Reigen gets invited to come sit with his family for the ceremony, and Teru does as well. They find a seat off to the side, easy to spot but not too overbearing. The ceremony is widely unnecessary, in Reigen’s opinion, and drags on for far longer than he believes it should, but that doesn’t stop the rush of unprecedented pride he feels when he hears the principal call Shigeo’s name.

He watches, speechless, as the boy he’s known for the last five years of his life crosses the stage, and hides the fact that he’s on the verge of tears by pretending he’s sleepy and rubbing his eyes. Ritsu shoots him a look that says he sees right through Reigen’s bullshitting, but not even Shigeo’s snarky younger brother can steal his good mood away from him when he eagerly goes to congratulate his student after the ceremony has concluded.

Shigeo’s parents shell out to buy him a nice graduation gift: an electronic keyboard of his own, one that he can easily put up in his bedroom and take with him when he eventually goes off to college. It’s full-sized, with the nice weighted keys that feel like a real piano’s, but compact enough that he doesn’t need to worry about how much space it takes up. Reigen pitches in to help pay for the accessories as his own congratulations, and it’s beyond satisfying to see the way Shigeo’s eyes light up at the sight of the crisp, new black-and-white instrument already set up and waiting for him when they all go back to the Kageyama house to celebrate.

---

Shigeo keeps practicing. He gets better every time Ritsu hears him, his pacing more consistent, repertoire more confident. It makes him happy that Shigeo has found something he likes, that he’s willing to practice and get better at. He hopes he sticks with it.

---

Shigeo grows older, taller. His daily exercises with the Body Improvement Club show in the lean muscles he hides beneath the sleeves of the better-fitting high school uniform. His shoulders broaden and his face loses its childishness in favor of more mature, angular features, but it retains its softness in the laugh lines around his eyes and the toothy smile he no longer hesitates to show.

Larger hands and longer fingers make playing the piano that much easier, after the initial adjustment he has to make to account for his newfound clumsiness. He runs into things constantly now, banging his feet on chairs and tables that he swears are too far away to be problematic and hitting his head on low-hanging objects and shelves he used to be able to walk right under. He forgets sometimes that he can reach the high shelves now, the ones even Reigen can’t get to unless he uses the little step stool by the pantry.

He joins a music club at his new high school and uses it as his designated practice time, putting his hours into the well-worn pianos in the music room while the other club members hone their own talents all around him. It’s been months since he first touched a piano, and he’s grown confident and deft in the way he moves his fingers over the keys. He can sight read now, at least certain things. He plays whatever he feels like playing, not confined to classes or grades or any sort of classical training. He picks out song with tunes he thinks sound pretty or interesting and then he recreates them, with or without music, content to play on a whim instead of by necessity.

He never becomes so good at the piano that he’s asked to perform outside of occasional pieces he plays for his friends or classmates at his music club. He learns a few duets, with Teru or with friends who play other instruments, but he doesn’t perform in front of large crowds or even attempt to.He’s perfectly content to play for himself, and only himself.

---

Shigeo loves playing the piano. When he feels stressed, it’s an easy way for him to relieve some dormant energy and express those feelings in a productive way. He plays happy things when he’s feeling sad, somber things when he’s feeling contemplative, whatever comes to mind in the moment. He plays easy things and complex things, whatever sounds pleasing to the ear, and challenges himself by picking up pieces that he thinks may be a bit beyond his skill level. He surprises himself by putting in the time and effort into making what seemed impossible his new glass ceiling, and shatters it with every day he pushes himself out of his comfort zone.

Sometimes he plays out loud, for anyone to hear, and other times he plugs in a pair of headphones and plays just for himself. He plays as a break between homework assignments, putting his brain to work in a completely different way, plays when he’s feeling bored and has nothing else to do.

Sometimes he doesn’t play at all, too wrapped up in the business of his schedule as he balances occasional work for Reigen with hanging out with Teru and his brother and all of their friends. He never goes too long without playing, though, his attention inevitably going back to the keyboard set up by the window in his room, where he can glance outside at the neighbors walking their dogs down the street while his fingers drum against the plastic keys. It’s peaceful, and takes his mind off his other concerns.

---

When he finally leaves his parents’ house, he takes the keyboard with him.

#mp100 #mob psycho 100 #mp100 fluff bomb #terumob #kageyama shigeo #hanazawa teruki #kageyama ritsu #arataka reigen #fanfiction #mp100 fanfic #serendipitousfics

20 notes · View notes

faunusrights · 5 years

Text

OFFAL HUNT REMASTER LIVEBLOG // CHAPTER 6

another saturday, another series of me screaming. not much of an intro up here just a plunge straight tino desert bullfuckery. here we GO-

Then the mass at the core of them took shape, practically glowing from inside like a coal in a burner. Glynda recognized the patterns of gold surging with Aura along Cinder’s dress, the long strides which carried her over the molten remains of the stone spire.

we’re opening with this quote because i feel like i never did express how absolutely God Damn Sexy cinder is in this chapter. there is something VERY attractive abt having someone become SO POWERFUL they are completely overwhelming. this is going from a candle to a blowtorch. i’m very into it. i don’t think i ever said that before BUT HERE WE ARE.

im pretty sure this is their first real desert encounter but i wonder if glynda would have noticed any marginal increases to cinder’s fire bullshit if she hadn’t been so focused on the hunt..... but no glynda needs to whapped in her face with a wet fish before she notices JACK SHIT,

glynda yr EYES,

Even the slightest graze against her Aura invoked flash sweats, the heat of the desert paling in comparison.

i get that shit from sitting in a 24C bedroom i would be DEAD BY NOW,

i wonder how fire like this feels to cinder... ive written weiss as being immune to cold before (which is hilarious when she’s trying to articulate how cold something is to someone who actually, yknow, feels it) and im like... is cinder like ‘well this is toasty warm’... cinder whats yr body temp.... hello..........................

honestly i just wanna know, as someone who hates heat, what its like, to not hate it,

Too much, if she was being honest, but staying here meant death, and death meant failure.

my favourite character trope is people who think failure > death, and honestly it makes me think of hermione when shes like... we could get killed, or worse, expelled. im just rly enjoyin this HYPERFOCUSED GLYNDA OKAY.............. shes just so 👌 and also a moron,

“It must be the heat.”

/distantly: ‘its cause yr so hot,’

Yet for all that Cinder must have known what rushed at her back, she didn’t waver, her eyes set on Glynda, never straying.

:3c

i mean lets be real you’ll have read to the end of this chapter before reading my blathering like a total Foole so like... consider how terrifying it must be to have yr rival ignoring the danger (because she has nothing to fear) just to focus on u. so powerful! u’d shit yrself! there’s nothing in the WORLD to draw her attention from u..... Oh No,

glynda Yet again refuses to fear Anything do u kno how many times this stupid lesbian ends up in trouble because of this??? Too Many is the answer. too.... fuckign many.

Glynda was as vulnerable as a rabbit in a snare.

velvet scarlatina is en route to break yr bones,

A jolt of terrible recognition shot down her spine at the sight of Cinder Fall silhouetted against the sunlight filtering in, her dress billowing around her as her flame construct faded into nothing behind her.

i stan this Aesthetiq Bitch!!!!! like HONESTLY she stood there, waited for glynda to fuckin look up, posing, silhouetted, the billowing wind.... darth vader who? only one bitch has the pizzazz, the willpower, the flawless Look(tm), and its cinder.

It was like looking into a mirror and trying to parse the empty gaze staring back at her.

oh bitch what a good line THATS A GOOD LINE WHAT THE HELL

oh no like. thats really good, actually, like, oh no. THATS. MMMMMMM-

He would have to take her destroyed body back to Beacon, for she could never return to the only home she’d ever known by her own feet again.

WAS THIS WHOLE BIT NECESSARY??????????????? AAAAAAAAAAAAA-

god thats. Rough. like i love the whole desert arc bit thing because it is Full Of gifts but also. it takes away so much.

Cinder’s toes curled against the stone. “Leave.”

FINALLY WE’RE HERE!!!! THE JUICY BIT BEGINS,

honestly the references to cinder’s sigils are. very good. she is Hot and i would like cinder to step on me, and also kill me maybe,

Cinder stood silent and still as a queen, watching her soldiers lower their heads as they passed her by.

i was threatened and the threat came to PASS, WHAT THE FUCK,

god cinder is SO GOOD IN THIS REMASTER shes powerful, sexey, a small gay loser....................... i am Lovin It and im EATIN HER UP...... but srsly tho the thirst,

there ARE still a bunch of 👈😎👈 moments but we finally had one of the bigger juicy bits drop (AND WE HAVEN’T EVEN SEEN ALL OF THE JUICE YET..... CHUG CHUG BABEY) so its Fine and also-

Alerted by some miniscule sound, Cinder’s head turned, eyes gleaming like an animal’s by night.

THE GLOWY EYES HAVE COME TO PASS THIS CHAPTER GIVES SO MUCH oh my god i have been waiting on the glowy eyes for. Years. i am 97 years old,

Instead, Cinder examined Glynda closely before crouching carefully before her, one knee pressed into the ground.

‘will u marry me’ ‘wh-’ ‘im attracted to idiots and i gotta say u have maybe 2 braincells going for u rn,’

“The great Glynda Goodwitch, on her knees before the enemy.” Cinder said, thumb smoothing an errant tangle of blonde hair out of Glynda’s eyes. “Do you understand what I could do to you?”

im losing my FUCKIGN MIND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! this is. god. u kno in films where the bad guy flirts relentlessly in a position of power.... well i never cared for it because it was almost always hetero but as it turns out, like most things, when its gay i am HERE 4 IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Red-hot and foreign, it was entirely unlike any other Aura Glynda had ever felt. In her years, Glynda had encountered hundreds of people and their Auras—but this was something dark and feral, wine-red and ichor-black, shooting scalding and angry through Glynda’s own body. A steady flow of blood or a seep of decay; Cinder’s Aura was so wild it barely felt human at all.

did i say i wouldnt 👈😎👈? jk i lied

👈👈👈👈👈👈👈👈👈👈👈👈👈👈👈👈👈👈👈👈👈👈👈👈👈👈😎👈👈👈👈👈👈👈👈👈👈👈👈👈👈👈👈👈👈👈👈👈👈👈👈👈

honestly? diesel n kc can. die,,

god why is this scene SO...... WHY ARE THEY NOT KISSING YET, IS THE THING, IS THE QUESTION, I HAVE TO ASK-- like seriously this scene became. 3x more queer than it was before. are yall seeing this shit????????????

Just who was Cinder Fall?

YR FUTURE GF AND WIFE WAKE UP AND SMELL THE COFFEE GLYNDA,

okay so. okay. did i mention i love the desert arc? because i DO and i continue to LOVE IT and i cannot wait for the bullshit that was chapter 7 now chapter 9??? did i get that right i probably didnt. BUT STILL,

anyway this chapter was powerful and gay and i loved it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CINDER, U SEXY,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

#rwby #offal hunt #liveblog

9 notes · View notes

clefairytails · 6 years

Text

lesbian tag game

thx for sending me this @redcladsheikah <3 all my lesbian friends should do this too, if you want uwu i’m too lazy to tag like 50 ppl hhhhhhhhhhhhhhh @lebians @tiedyked @talaxian @lesbian-mcelroy @ireallylikecameras

1: did you ever think you were straight?

not really, i knew i liked girls even as a child. but i did go through multiple periods of trying to convince myself i was straight, needless to say it didn’t work out lol.

2: what’s your favorite element of gay culture?

our sense of humor! it’s amazing that we’re all so funny despite putting up with so much bullshit.

3: are you femme, butch, or neither?

femme! i’ve been looking into femme history lately, bcs the idea that femme is just an aesthetic is a misconception c:

4: do you prefer to date femmes or butches?

tbh every time i declare i have a type i immediately fall for someone that’s the complete opposite of that, so i have no idea. lately i’ve been wanting a goth gf, but i just developed a crush on a prep soooo i’m terrible at self-reflection. this bitch don’t know what she want.

5: what’s the worst part about being a lesbian?

the feeling that there’s a part of you that needs to be fixed, but you can’t do anything about it. it’s like seeing a picture on the wall that’s crooked, but it’s stuck like that and you can’t ever straighten it. or having a hair out of place that keeps sticking up no matter how much you try to gel it down.

6: what’s the best part of being a lesbian?

is women too obvious of an answer? girls are angels and i’d die for all of them

7: how long were you questioning for?

pretty much never, i guess. i had crushes on girls since kindergarten, then in 2nd grade i was told girls could only like boys, so i tried my best to be straight even though in my heart i knew i wasn’t. since i couldn’t make myself like boys, i kinda just ignored the idea of liking anyone at all until middle school, when i found out what the word “lesbian” means online. of course, all the stuff i found about lesbians called us disgusting perverts, so i went through many phases of calling myself literally anything else but a lesbian. i’ve only started using the word lesbian specifically in the last few years, especially since i joined an amazing discord group. i love them so much, they’ve helped me feel so proud of being a lesbian <3

8: what’s the most annoying thing straight people do?

exist.

jk lmao, i’m honestly not annoyed by straight people, but i like making jokes as if i am. it’s hard to annoy me in general, i’ve got a high tolerance for that type of stuff. if i have to answer, i hate it when strangers (usually straight men) pry into my sex life, but i’m not really annoyed by that as much as i am creeped out.

9: what do you look for in a girl?

vampirism is my only requirement.

10: if you had to marry someone you know right now, who would you choose?

@lebians bcs i feel they’d be the most able to put up with my bullshit. everyone else would kill me on sight. if only @ireallylikecameras was still single, then when we got married we could put together our 50% employee discounts at BK and get infinite food for free, ending world hunger. i think that’s how it works, but also im gay and therefore bad at math.

11: do you have a crush right now?

does being in love count as a crush? if so, then i have three.

12: do you fall in love easily?

i crush easily, and i say i’m in love easily bcs i’m a leo (meaning i need to exaggerate to live), but actually feeling love? only once.

13: is there anyone in your life right now you think you’ll date in the future?

fingers crossed.

14: is there anyone you want to be kissing right now?

at the moment i’m feeling very touch repulsed, so no. but i also go through periods of feeling touch starved, and during those times i’d kiss pretty much anyone lmao.

15: do you think you’ve met your future wife yet?

i don’t know if i want to be married. i hate making commitments.

16: top, bottom, or vers?

i suspect i’m a bottom, but i’m also a virgin with no self awareness about what she wants or likes, so who really knows.

17: is there anyone you wish you could fuck right now?

still feeling touch repulsed, so no. also i have issues with actual real life sex. i always think i want to have sex, but when the situation becomes real, i feel disgusted by it and chicken out. i have no idea if this is some sort of asexuality or internalized lesbophobia. i should probably go to therapy lol.

18: rough or gentle?

rough, in theory. like i said, virgin who doesn’t know what she likes. but as a general rule, i don’t like slowness.

19: how many stereotypes do you fit into?

i’m fat, hairy, make lots of jokes about hating men (at least online, not in real life bcs i dont wanna get stabbed), i sometimes look like a guy,

20: what version of the lesbian flag do you like most? (butch, lipstick, original, etc.)

i like the femme one! i have it as my banner, it’s the lipstick lesbian flag without the lip print. the original flag was so fucking good, too bad it got taken by the terfs. the labrys is such a powerful image, and purple is a good color. also i saw a moon lesbian flag going around, that one is so good.

21: do you have a good gaydar?

hhhh i’d like to pretend i do but tbh i’m not very observant and straight up bad at reading people.

22: be honest, would you rather be straight?

yes and no. i’d rather have been born straight, because it would’ve saved me so much pain, but it’s a few years too late for that lol. if there was a magic pill that could make me straight today, i wouldn’t take it. i’ve been through so much as a lesbian, it means something to me now and i wouldn’t trade that for anything.

23: are you cis?

yep.

24: are you a sugar mommy or a sugar baby at heart?

hardcore sugar baby. my dream job is being an older woman’s trophy wife.

25: are you committed to someone at all right now emotionally?

hhhhhhhhhh unfortunately. i don’t want to be.

26: are you looking for a serious relationship currently?

yes, but i shouldn’t be. i don’t think i’m ready to be in one.

27: is there someone you’d like to be in a serious relationship in?

yes, but she’s straight and already married lmao. whoops.

28: do you want children?

no, i’m too selfish and irresponsible.

29: is your family accepting of your sexuality?

my mom and dad are, though they don’t take it very seriously. pretty sure they expect me to grow out of it one day. can’t blame them tho, i’m waiting for the same thing lmao. my extended family is huge, and their opinions range from being extremely homophobic to being gay themselves, but i’m interacting with them less and less as i get older.

30: how confident are you in your sexuality?

very confident, though i don’t want to be. i’m still secretly hoping one day i’ll see a guy i’m attracted to and he’ll fix me, but being realistic, i’m a huge fucking lesbian. women are enchanting.

31: are you polyamorous or monogamous?

monogamous. my insecure ass could not be poly hhhhhh.

32: what advice do you have for your 12 year old self?

be more selfish. you don’t have to put yourself second for the sake of others, especially at your age. nothing you do will matter in a decade, go fucking wild.

33: have you ever been to a gay bar?

nope. i want to go one day, but i have terrible social anxiety.

34: leather jackets or flannel?

both of those are really hot, but i’m gonna go with leather jacket.

35: describe your dream girlfriend

- vampire

- big tiddy goth gf

- nice personality or smthn

- uhhhhhhhhh tiddy

(ok but srsly, i can’t answer this question bcs i NEVER know what i want!! i always thought my type was THICC for sure, but all three of the ladies i have feelings for rn are pretty skinny and flat chested)

36: do you have any lesbian friends?

at least 50 lol.

37: what elements of gay culture do you actively participate in?

air, water, sometimes earth. never fire.

38: do you find straight people irritating?

nope, but i do find straight pda uncomfortable to look at. mostly bcs it reminds me of what i'm supposed to want. but i’d never tell a straight person that, obviously. i’m not rude.

39: would you rather adopt a kid or have a biological kid?

i’ll adopt a tortoise, and feed her any children that cross my path. but if i did ever have a child, i’d want it to be biologically mine and my wife’s. mostly bcs i’d want to know what it would look like, which is a selfish and stupid reason to have kids, and exactly why i’m not gonna lmao.

40: do you love yourself?

i’m a LEO (jokes aside, i don’t know. sometimes i do, sometimes i don’t. but i love myself more as time goes on. definitely more than i did than when i was a teen, at least.)

#tag game #long post #im a LEO

6 notes · View notes

disappolntment · 4 years

Text

undeveloped thoughts until a new psych don’t crucify me

actually don’t even read this I’m venting and it’s probably victim playing because I don’t think I’m going through a hard time ever apparently

gd my mum bitches about my little sister like she isn’t in the room with us

I want to be supportive and validating to them both because I see both sides

It’s just a bad position to be in. I love them both a lot but it happens every day and instead of her dealing with it she just yells at me about it and then acts like it doesn’t exist and my little sister doesn’t have any consequences but honestly the only person my sister treats like this is my mum?

Regardless a kid doesn’t understand?? They’re just getting yelled at

but I’m trying to get into a new psych, deal with my eczema and get back into uni/life and friendship circles

I can’t fix ur parenting for you

or mediate for you anymore and I’m asking you to stop but you’re still taking and I’m still giving but I’m a fucking pushover for people I love

I’ve been doing it my whole life. I didn’t know I had emotions until the age of fucking 21 because the only time you’d give me any form of attention was when you were crying about my dad (fuck yeah toxic behaviour I probably mimicked but my dad was also a narcissist so :) :) :) I have self professed daddy issues don’t I just have a fucking target on my head)

(raised to think now feel later tbh which is why I was so fucking dumb when trusting the first boy I slipped into bed with YIKES IM A DUMBASS LMAO he was a complete stranger in hindsight but I trusted brea’s input and honestly I think I was just connected to her? Not her fault lovely human who went through a lot also even if she hates me lmao)

Find your own fucking voice of reason REGARDLESS MUM

She doesn’t even listen to advice and just talks over me all of the time? infuriating. I asked her yesterday if she was going through a difficult time lately and she told me no? She is having the best time everything is going really well for her etc she is really excited about life and the business

She genuinely is on top of the moon every single day. But the only things she speaks to me about: her emotional baggage. stress. this needs to be a double ended stick. to get support you need to give it. because The way Annabelle talks to you is the least of my issues when I have split personalities induced by psychosis. (My own fault. I’m an adult. I’m not blaming her).

When I black out for 3 days straight and don’t remember the last 3 years of my life...

I need a hospital.

I need a good psychiatrist and I’m in a position where I am PHYSICALLY unable to get it.

I don’t need to hear your emotional baggage.

I’m going through a hard time right now and I can’t give mundane support to people.

I’m so selfish though?

deal with your own shit IM BEING AN ACTIVE LISTENER and giving you decent support and you aren’t even asking me how my day is in return.

I do it because I love you but I fucking can’t even love myself right now please stop doing this if you don’t 100% need it? I’m only one person. This is just stupid.

everything is genuinely my fault coming down from losing reeya (especially because she heavily sided with my ex after validating the abuse but tbh I think I treated her like trash so I kinda understand and that genuinely is her decision I hope she is doing well now and we have both grown idk it was probably for the best I’m so self destructive all of the time which isn’t tight in friendships but ya girls first relationship her fucking dad died in it I’m not a miracle working despite putting on a brave face. Again not her fault she had no responsibility by me at all this is a general observation

I’m not a psychologist so I don’t know who did who wrong especially after reading the messages she and joe exchanged?? But I was always acting how I felt and being honest and he was just guilt tripping me and making me feel bad about my concerns and lack of support idk how fucked up are large groups of people heavily addicted to weed and in denial about it)

(Actually in hindsight she did side with him and: It’s just so unsettling that my ex never spoke to me about the way he was feeling only to my support networks lol? Narcissist. He would always SHIT talk everybody he had ever encountered he hates everybody except the friends sexually assaulting me on a regular basis and thinks everybody is doing him wrong and I was the only reason he probably still has friends or a brother and am currently in a position where he can make his own life. bet they all fucking dropped off the face of the earth when you stopped having a hot girlfriend they could actively fondle and you to deny it. But then again prolly not y’all all into younger girls anyway??? Actively pursuing 17 yos is still a fucking crime :) :) sex fuelled perverts )

And having to admit to myself my ex actually is trash and all of these people I was convinced were lovely and good for me weren’t actually. All of these little things are coming back and genuinely no friends should be hearing them when they do? Because it did happen two months ago and I should be over it.

fuck yeah the incredible anxiety in public (only around men) I physically can’t control HAS BEEN REAL AND SOMETHING I haven’t had to deal with in so long

I literally

Just

Shut down

I can’t breathe

But I’m fucking dealing with it in a healthy manner I don’t need anybody to act sorry for me I need long term support and I don’t get that from my family SO IM FUCKING DEALING WITH IT. IT ISNT MY FRIENDS ISSUE.

but here I am playing victim because my issues aren’t even that bad 👈👈😎 and I’m okay being alive when I’m tending to my plants dog and video games

this past year has been hell on earth (I didn’t even know I was going through a hard time honestly #gaslighting) and I have a hard time creating new support networks which is fine because we are also working on thaaaaat I’m just venting Rn. I’m pleased to report I have a lovely group of friends that took me out and dropped me off at a party during PEAK SOCIAL ANXIETY I COULDNT GO ANYWHERE WITHOUT HOLDING EITHER SAMS OR JAYDES HAND they’re fucking lovely and I forget I have mental issues around them they’re actually fucking phenomenal

REGARDLESS I needed to vent a little so that continues:

yes, I can help you

but no, you aren’t getting help

********* I shouldnt need to be having emotional outbursts 24/7 for people to acknowledge they’re effecting me or I’m going through a hard time. I’m not like that!!!! I should just be able to tell them my boundaries and conveye WHATS going on and them recognise and respect me *********

If I’m being a little bitch isn’t that the point of talking about it? fucking hurt my feelings I don’t care it’s PRODUCTIVE even if you fucking need time to like sit on them I’m so understanding WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU NEED I KNOW IT CAN BE ROUGH

“Sorry” just fucking guiltrips people without change

But it also prevents you from making meaningful connections with people if you refuse to change.

(Have fun being your dad dumbass xx)

DO WRONG? ITS GOING TO BE CONFRONTED IF I LOVE YOU BECAUSE I WANT THE BEST FOR YOU AND in turn us. Stop being a bitch about it.

But I can’t even say that with complete conviction nowadays especially in the company of people after my last relationship and my ex best friend because my reactions were mine in all of it and I did lose reeya. Objectively speaking I must have been shit because reeya isn’t a dumb person?

still haven’t told my shit psych about any of this because he is cracking onto my mum and me

And actively telling me I can’t pursue uni or any goals I bring to the table. Always cuts me off when I wish to vent.

Stress

all because I saw his face today and he acted happy to see me which is a fucking lie because that man does not have a single ounce of empathy and that’s still so apparent because all he does is fuck freshly 18-19 yo’s and bitch to my loved ones how much he misses me like lmao you never even established a bond with me I was just a trophy. but anyway he has never actually apologised or attempted to rectify any of his mistakes the only thing he has ever said to me was shit like “*fake tear* you hate me” “you just want to fuck him” (I HAVE SUCH A LOW SEX DRIVE IM ALMOST POSITIVE IM ASEXUAL I DONT WANT TO FUCK ANYBODY UNLESS IM OBSESSED WITH THEM AND I WOULD TELL HIM THIS AND HE WOULD ALWAYS TELL ME IM LYING OR IMPLY IT IM JUST TRYING TO FUCKING ACCURATELY EXPRESS MYSELF AND YOURE GUILT TRIPPING ME) “I look shit (my dad literally just died and the entire Italian family is downstairs arguing about the funeral and shit talking me to my face and I’m crying about it and the only things he says is that. I yelled at him constructive things like: it probably wasn’t the time for that I just needed support for a little while?? I felt bad and started comforting him because I loved him and him being happy made me feel better.)”

Occasionally when he was drunk “I’m the best” NARCISSISTS

Such a fucking victim playing narcissist (and his brother does it too to this poor girl named Phoenix??? But she is leaving soon if Mitch doesn’t decide following in his big brothers footsteps, fucking people younger than his little brother, is detrimental. I hope they get off drugs and spend time away from mitchs family. I’m always torn between sending her a message to establish an “sos” contact in the area but Sam still lives there so that’s comforting? But also not really because that environment is not good for Sam to be in. Torn.)

You weren’t the one cheated on buddy. You weren’t the one gaslit. You weren’t the one who lost their dad and family and had no support other than “I hate myself”.

You got an angry reaction. You did something shit.

Also;

Yes, that man in public is interesting.

Yes, I am having human conversation with him and am learning things.

Yes, I am denying his advances.

No, I clearly don’t want to fuck him. He knows I have a boyfriend. You are POSSESSIVE AND TOXIC AND IN COMPLETE DENIAL ABOUT IT. I DONT CHEAT ON PEOPLE AND IVE NEVER CHEATED ON ANYBODY. I GREW UP WITNESSING THE EFFECTS IT HAD ON MY FUCKING MUM. STOP TAKING A MALE HAVING A CONVERSATION WITH YOUR HOT GIRLFRIEND AS AN EGO JAB. FUCKWIT.

YOURE EXACTLY LIKE YOUR FUCKING DAD THAT EVEN TRIED THE EMOTIONAL ABUSE ON ME IN HINDSIGHT

You. Are. Definition of shit buddy.

I told you everything and was made to feel emotionless? I literally gave you all of my emotions. Im so dumbbbb.

You had them.

Fuck you.

My emotional responses were so skewed because you GASLIT ME.

Trash is the human that gaslights a girl losing; her dad to cancer and entire family to the ordeal.

Trash is the human that says he wants to love and support a girl going through shit like that, and believes his victim playing/self deprecating ‘issues’ are bigger than hers.

You aren’t caring because you financially supported bringing me along for your life style so you can show me off?

Closure is just something I have to live without in both regards though. Which is shit because I genuinely want to grow from fucking up that friendship with reeya?? But also I’m so mad she took my ex’s side. Like... take no side at all if you can’t make a decision.

Both people could be equal parts the problem. It’s a fucking breakup.

I think I’m mad and guilty because I let joe use all of my support networks to validate himself.... but only after they validated me.

“Do better than your parents”

But I don’t understand if I should be angry or guilty over that entire ordeal?? Because I understand clouded judgement during that time and going through your own shit and hating me during that time I was a fucking DUMBASS and a sympathiser to somebody negatively effecting me “because he has done so much for me” (it should be a thankless fucking task I gave him the opportunity to leave before this entire thing I sat him down in his dorm room and said stuff in my home life is about to get rough I don’t know how I’m going to react. I’m prepared to break things off for the time being are you positive you’re prepared to do this with me it’s genuinely okay if you aren’t.)

(All in all: acknowledging so many mistakes I made like not reacting to a lot of things and giving people the benefit of the doubt; anyway I’m actively trying to correct them and it’s difficult in this environment because my families issues are mineeeeeeee B) B) B) BUT ALSO GIVING MYSELF TO PEOPLE STRAIGHT AWAY and now I have to relearn boundaries which is fucking TIGHT)

I wish them both the best regardless.

I probably did fuck it all up.

But like they’d ever tell me? Like I’ll ever get their side.

I genuinely didn’t mean to hurt anybody and was only trying to keep the peace in every regard because that’s genuinely how I was raised

But I just didn’t know that’s actually detrimental? Like people pleasing and shit (I’m growing all over again and realigning my moral compass)

So confusing because I never used to be a people pleaser with my friendship groups or anything like that.

I feel like I just unlearnt all of the information and dialogue I worked really hard trying to secure in a relationship :) I can’t even cope with my mum bitching about my little sister without having a mental breakdown now.

it’s all coming up milhouse-

my dog is fat (he got into the giant food bag like twice and almost flipped his stomach but instead put on about 50kgs so now I’m the owner of a fat Labrador) and dog aggressive now when other dogs try and hump him (it’s very weird for renny he is usually very patient but there’s a new puppy in the family so he is kinda over being the rest dummy I think)

I’m just going to invest my time into fatass and see what happens

I don’t know what I need or who to get advice from but I’m sick of joe always being in my environment nd if people don’t let me run anyway soon prolly gna neck because everybody I love sympathises with him so much which is so confusing for me it’s like people are going to fucking validate my emotions (which means fuck all now???) and also sympathise with my fucking abuser (which also needs to be validated by a psych because this is just beyond my support networks and me anyway)

👈👈😎

but alas here covid is so I can’t run away which isn’t an answer anyway but at least then maybe I can focus on myself for a day without everybody I love abandoning me

I’m a massive victim have pitty on me I hope things look up with this new psych and they don’t just convince me I’m playing victim too but invalidating everything I say. but it’s for the best because I think I get greedy when people give me a platform when I need intense emotional support (sorry you had to deal with any of this reeya)

fuck yeah

cant even blame my mum for guilt tripping me into accepting help from my ex while on holidays it’s my fault I was in that position!!!! because I’m a shit person who genuinely deserves to be alone for the shit she has done!!!! and her mother’s issues have always been hers!!!! But I just wanted to make everybody happy and you kept reassuring me it was okay!!!!!

so fuck everybody that thinks I’m a horrible person right off the bat when men are capable of making their own decisions especially when I’m giving them all of the facts???? Fuck victim players!!!!

AGAIN DONT CRUCIFY ME THESE ARE ALL UNDERDEVELOPED BECAUSE IVE HAD NO GUIDANCE AND STRUGGLE WITH INTENSE MEMORY LOSS THE PAST 3 YEARS ALL I CAN DOCUMENT IS THE WAY I FEEL AND IM SEEing A PSYCH SOON ALL I Can do in the meantime is treat the people in my current circle with respect but I’m struggling and need my family to support me emotionally a little without invalidating me? But I can’t dump all of my shit on them consistently because fuck this level of emotional baggage on anybody other than a psych or myself lmao

But that’s okay because people will never understand how the individual feels and it genuinely is up to me to deal with my own shit.

#mine

0 notes

revenge-goth · 5 years

Text

addiction: a life update

so im gonna post an update on my life. not that yall want it or will even read it but i really need this rn soo. also theres a lot im not gonna iclude bc i wanna talk about addiction. theres a lot to be said about gow i used sex as a coping mechanism, my relapses with self harm, and my journey w medications and mental illness. ill save that for another time. also huge trigger warning for addiction, rape, and suicide.

----------

i started drinking back around 2013 when i was 15. from there, i became a high functioning alcoholic for the next three years. i would always start my day drinking, always took tumblers w alcohol to school. no one really noticed until around my senior year when it really started to become more of a problem due to having been in a really sexually abusive relationship. i did it to cope with everything. i was scared about the future since i never thought i was going to make it past 17 and my 18th birthday was slowly approaching. i was scared about college and growing up and what i wanted to do with my life. i remember being really drunk when receiving my awards and scholarships at a school district function. i remember i found it funny that a fuck up like me was representing my high school and seen as a really successful student while i was masking my drunken state.

by the time i went to college i was blowing through cash for alcohol, i stole from bars, i stole from frat guys. i lied a lot. i did a lot of stupid shit.

during this though, my following on twitter was growing steadily. my drunken thoughts and actions became peoples entertainment and was sensationalized by those around me. people would recognize me as sandia goth in public, people wanted to party w me, people wanted to hang w me, people loved that version of me.

in 2017 i started abusing pills after being raped at a party. i was really drunk when it happened and i dont really remember it. that night is one of those regrets i have to carry with me for the rest of my life. at first i would abuse sleeping meds. later on i started to abuse the fuck outta my antipsychotics. eventually i was prescribed ativan, a benzodiazepine, and that was the beginning of my downward spiral. i was constantly downing pills with a bottle of vodka every night. i was always really careless. i had it in my head that maybe taking all those pills and drinking would eventually end up killing me and that one night i just wouldnt make it home. i dont remember a lot from that period in my life. i remember vague things like stading out on my dorms balcony while all the color around me was extremely saturated and everything was shiny. i remember waking up after a really bad bender in my own vomit. i remember how disappointed my sister was. i remember staring at the bathroom floor.

i hit rock bottom that december, i had tried to commit suicide multiple times in my life but this time i felt like it was a lot more real and a lot more final. it didnt happen though. i dont remember christmas and in my drunken state i lost the christmas present my sister was so excited about giving me. looking back at pictures you could tell that i wasnt there at all and that my family was taking notice.

in january 2018 i checked myself into an inpatient hospital to get sober. i was terrified. i showed up to the hospital intoxicated. they ask you a lot of questions when you come in and i remember talking about everything and just laughing about it. the assessor was really creeped out. they made me sleep it off in a waiting room before they let me into the unit.

it helped a lot and i met a lot of people i wont ever forget. it was kind of weird being the youngest there and group was rough. i remember staying in my room and not being able to go eat because my heartrate was at 52 and i felt actually dead. the withdrawal process was really difficult and staying off was even harder. the first thing i did when i was discharged was drink a whole lot, get high, and had my friends drive me across half of the valley going 90 on the freeway while blasting lcd soundsystem with the windows down at 3 am.

after that i decided that it was time to really stop. my parents had cleared out the liquor cabinet and moved me to a room downstairs with no lock where they could keep an eye on me. they found my stash and threw it out. i also started smoking a lot of fuckin cigarettes. i was sober for about 5 months.

i started drinking again but just socially. a healthy amount. i was good except for a few hiccups here and there until march 2019 when i was raped, again, at another party. i was sober this time which really fucked me up. i remember everything and still have nightmares about it. i started abusing medications again and smoking a lot of weed. i was high for about three weeks before i became suicidal and called the cops on myself so i could be hospitalized. i would end up being hospitalized for two weeks. when i got out i started snorting ambien (which is fuckin wack and i dont recommend). that landed me back in the hospital two weeks later. i would be hospitalized two more times before being stable enough to not have someone taking care of me 24/7.

and we come to now. last week i relapsed. i got really sick though bc the wine i drank was spolied. it really scared me though because i thought my braincells were dying because of all the pills i had snorted (i literally thought this) but it was just the wine. it kind of scared me back to my senses though that that path is not the fuckin way to go.

ive recently gotten back to the things i love: music and art. i reopened my tumblr acct, found my sketchbooks from high school and dug up my old music. doing all of this, including doing a lot of research on my old icon gerard way, watching life on the murder scene and crying because ive been there, and seeing frank iero live, has (as ridiculous as it may sound to most that someone you look up to can be a saving force) made me consider getting clean for 2020. for real this time.

sometimes i miss her. the sadia goth everyine loved and looked up to. i lost a lot of friends when i got sober and even more followers. thats not important in the grand scheme of things, it was an empty sense of validation for me. whats truly important is that im not her anymore. im me. addiction prone, mentally ill, over medicated, lonely, sad, artistic, gives no shits, emo trash, goth icon, uses way too many gerard way references, astrology loving, empathetic to a fault, me.

i know that this is something im going to struggle with for the rest of my life, but i really want to go forward knowing that im trying my hardest and giving it my best shot. this is possibly my hardest feat, my biggest challenge in life, but im trynna make it and ill sure as fuck never let it take me alive.

xoxo,

-sandia goth

(alondra)

0 notes

survivormontenegro · 5 years

Text

Episode 15 (Finale): “I COULD LITERALLY WIN A TUMBLR SURVIVOR SEASON WHAT IS THIS LIFE” - Ali

Did that vote make me a villain? Cuz I don't think I can avoid that anymore. But did it screw my chances of winning? Did it add to my resume? Did it make sense? Who do I work with next? Do people understand that Ali is gonna win this game? Is Ali gonna win another immunity challenge? Can I get him voted off or is it smarter to get him to vote with me, because its Benj and I and we need one more. I have more questions after last night than I started, but knowing that Benj was going to vote Jones I didn't think I had much of a choice.

JONES WHEN U SEE THIS ILY IM SO SORRY :((((((

youtube

breakdown.

Seamus enjoyed seeing me suffer with maths and black rotating puzzle

Ok so Ali won immunity so cant use idol on himself so im in the F4 hehe (unless hes seriously been playing me this entire time LMAO)

My 0 votes will prob be ruined tho but oh well still a huge improvement from 20 in kili

honestly think im losing in any F3 scenario ugh im gonna be a 2 time ftc loser LOL kinda iconic tho

regardless this has been one of the most fun games ive ever played hehe

I am trying my best to stay safe this round. I think it would be crazy for them to let me make it to F4, not that I think I am gonna win, but the momentum is definitely with Ali, Tom, and Jason, and I seem like the logical vote.

With that, there are some things I would like to say about the game. I'm actually pretty proud of the way I played. I know it wasn't the most graceful, or the most honest or loyal. I votes out Alex when he really trusted me. I flopped on Jules to win my way back in with that side. I stuck by Mo, but ultimately let him go when I had no choice, and then I did the same thing but more dramatically with Jones. I helped idol out the power player Mitch, but my strongest attribute was creating tight relationships with people who always felt they need to get that extra vote, Tom, Ali, Benj, Alex, Jones, Mo. The closeness has always made me less of a target, I hope not because they think I'm not a threat, but rather because they think I might be that swing vote for them. I feel like I have largely been the only one to make real decisions in this game except for Mitch, because Benj followed whoever told him to vote what, and Tom and Jason only make decisions because they just need to target whoever targets them. Ali and I are suppose to be in a secret bond, but the only time we vote together is when I switch and vote with him (Alex and Jones). I was the flip vote with Jason on Jules. I helped make the decision to vote out Mitch. I told Ali that I think it needs to be Jason this time. If I make it through this that would be soooo freakin fun. If I don't I worked my magic to try to get the target off of me, and so far I think the vote is Jason v Benj (sorry Benj that I had to convince Jason that I could work with him in the case that he idols). The biggest kink to that game is Ali winning those immunities, because truly I think the F5 would have been so different. Him winning rn changes everything and I can truly see the chinks in my strategy and gameplay now. I'm a mess, but I'm a calculating emotional mess, so hey points for me right?

okay so Jason left, which is really good news. He was clearly a major threat, and I acheived my goal (admittedly with no contribution to Mitch going) of Mitch, Jones & Jason being three boots in order.

So I'm in the final four with Caeleb, Benj and Tom. AND TOM IS NOW TARGETTING ME THAT MUPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPET. I saw this coming, I knew he would, he thinks he is gonna pull a fast one on me, but little does he know Benj is the KINGEST KING, and we've been allies since the first round.

So I really REALLY wanna win final four immunity, because it might be the Final Immunity and I am cautiously optimistic that if I can just make FTC, I can win this whole thing. If I win immunity, I'm voting out Caeleb with Benj and Tom, who will... kicking and screaming have to vote with me ajkdslfa.

I think no matter what, I'll be able to go to firemaking this round at worst, since I think Benj is firmly in my corner. And I've been dominant in challenges thus far, and could hopefully continue to do so? We will see ahh.

I just desperately want to win immunity this round, because then I can vote Caeleb out and drag Tom to F3. mwahahahahahahahahahaha. HE WILL HAVE TO SIT WITH ME IN A FINAL THREE, like it or not!

I'm literally so close to FTC this is gonna drive me insane. If its a F3, I think I'm literally a challenge away from winning this season, I could truly SCREAM hnnnnnnnnnngh.

youtube

There's so much riding on this next immunity challenge. Like so much. And i just realized that I have no won immunity since Merge and everyone else left has, so umm here's hoping.

I WON FINAL IMMUNITY OH MY GOD. i literally.. my heart was pump pumping so fast, when Caeleb won the first two rounds I literally was gonna throw up/throw something/throw a fit.

But HNNNGH I won (and I filmed my reaction, which I'll upload), and I need to vote off Caeleb in my opinion. Benj is a king, but he hasn't done as much as me in this game, and Tom is solidly getting third place I think at this stage, so I think I have a great shot.

IM SO CLOSE ASKLDFAF. I COULD LITERALLY WIN A TUMBLR SURVIVOR SEASON WHAT IS THIS LIFE.

I know that this game is an emotional mess. And HELL I have been an emotional mess. But this I think is the first time that I'm actually angry. 6 immunity wins? Are you fucking kidding me? What the hell? I coulda made it to FTC, and like I'm not done yet I'll keep fighting so hopefully I can make it. But in normal circumstances I would be there. I just. Am so. Livid. There's no strategy involved when you can't vote someone out consistently. Now I have to fight tooth and nail just to have a shot and go against the freakin contender to win. Like its so disheartening, and Ali is a sweet guy sure, but he hasn't even made half the moves I have. His biggest move and most unexpected? Voting out Julia. If I get my chance to make it to FTC I'll have a lot to say, but I don't think its looking up for me at this point.

youtube

this is the worst video i've ever filmed nobody watch this

I CANT BELIEVE I MADE F3 AGAIN!!!!!

WOWOWOWOW

and with Ali our day 1 duo actually did it WTF?

Tom king too the anzacs made it

I know im losing but its been SO FUN!!

Good memories only

Okay so... FTC was yesterday, and I kind of want to do a final wrap up confessional, just to kind of bring some personal closure.

So it seems unless a lot shifts, that I am decisively going to win this game. I'm so unbelievably excited, I've literally only ever come second in survivor games, so to have finally snatched the win genuinely means a lot. It shows me that 2019 truly has been a year of real emotional growth for me, and the personal roadblocks I've put in front of myself that have cost me games in the past, have been lifted and I have my act together much much more.

FTC was... just such a weird experience yesterday, I always get dragged at FTCs, particularly live ones. I've only done two ever (Athena: All Stars and BB Pokemon: Orre) and both times, not a single juror spoke positively about my game that was present. To have jurors come on, and say that I unequivocally played the best was such a bizarre experience, but I love all the jurors so much and their high estimation of me is genuinely so flattering.

With that said, FTC was also a really rough experience. I love Benj and Tom with my full heart, and watching Tom get relentlessly told he was rude was tricky because I know how good of a guy he really is, and how well he meant with everyone. Benj was rough because... it seems I just outplayed him, and him mentioning our duo in his opening statement when I didn't at all... was really rough because I felt partly at fault for his dragging. I just love both of them, so it was hard.

I also feel bad for what I was like in confessionals this season, from memory at some point, I went in on JJ, Mo and Caeleb in confessionals, and while I apologised for all, I still feel awful that I let myself get so worked up in this game to sort of snap at them? Like Mo is a genuine friend of mine, so the fact that he wrote like... a sentence and I got so pressed is really stupid, I love Mo so much and hope I can make it up to him. Caeleb I got so mad at after the Jones' idol play for literally no reason... like he outplayed me that round, and its so pathetic that I got mad at him for that. I think Caeleb played a PHENOMENAL game, and did so well.

If I had to predict the POTS of the season, I would say my top three would be Jones, Caeleb and Mitch. Jones is... Jones, she is so likable and has such charisma and hold over people, and her idol play was arguably the most impressive move of the season. Caeleb was someone I underestimated to such at the start of merge, but he played such an impressive middle game, and would've had my vote if I was voted out at F3. Mitch it sounds like was hated by the jury, but I think he played amazingly? Like he has been a target since F20, his name was thrown out so many times, and I just think he did so good? I lowkey think he would be my player of the season to be honest.

I wanna talk about the other jurors particularly that I haven't really referenced in this. Alex is someone I somehow feel most guilty about voting out? He is just such a genuinely good guy, and I think I had this preconceived notion of him as like a gamebot, when he is just so wholesome, I can't wait for him to return, and make single digits. scratch that, I can't wait for him to return and WIN.

I also wanna talk about Jules. I am such a Jules warrior? Like... such a Jules warrior? They were such a pleasure to work with, and I just love them so much. I did them dirty by not idoling them/telling them they were going, but they are someone I have SO much time, love and respect for.

Who else, omg JASON! He was the perfect final juror for yesterday's FTC, someone who went easy on Tom who needed that, and just... is such a wholesome good guy, I love Jason.

Anyway, this is already really, really long so I need to wrap this up. I just want to say how happy this season has made me, and how much of a pleasure its been apart of. I joined the ORG community right before a lot of messy personal stuff came my way, and a lot of my org memories are tied to that. I used to let my personal drama get itself interwoven in my games, and I would just be so emotional. To have a game where I could play hard, cracked and WELL, and just have fun has been such a pleasure, and Im so emo about it.

I just wanna thank the hosts again too, I literally am a full on Asya, Drew, Johnny and Seamus WARRIOR, I love all four of them for hosting my favourite org experience EVER, its been amazing. I've been such a crackhead, was the only OG Budva Tumblr Survior newbie to make merge, spammed my host chat with an unbelievable number of messages, been AWFUL at the bridge idol hunt system yet ended up with two idols, been a crackhead (bears repeating because of how much of a mess i was), its been... a time KLADSF

But yes. I just have had a phenomenal time, crackheads are gonna crackhead and this brit is joining the tumblr survivor royal family, and I truly could not be more excited.

0 notes

survivorsolomonislands · 7 years

Text

Episode 5 “I HAVE LEARNED MY LESSON” -L.A.

Well I don't know what is going on with these other tribes, I'm confused how they went from voting a rookie to voting a veteran which makes me think I can't just rely on reconnecting with my veterans which means I might as well go ahead and lock in some alliances with the rookies on my tribe, who honestly I want out because they kinda annoy me. But I've learned a lot from my past experiences, I really feel like this is a redemption season for me, I have to suck it up sometimes that people rub me the wrong way, I have to play a game, lie to people, align myself with whoever will get me farther in this game. I'm not bringing the chaos this time I'm bringing the sneaky snaky self, hiss hiss. I've officially placed higher than 17th like I did last time which is good and right now I'm eager to make it to the merge so my game can really just explode and I can take control.

*SCREAMS* THAT WAS SO STRESSFUL, FUCKIN' HELL. AFTER I SAW MY NAME ONCE I WAS LIKE WELP I'M GOING HOME BUT NAH MONTY IS ACTUALLY TRUSTWORTHY. Looking back, I feel stupid for considering to work with Linus, but he was the person I talked to the most so I wanted to work with someone I liked. I HAVE LEARNED MY LESSON. (that's a lie, i'll probably make a rookie mistake later on) But I can pretend I'm older and wiser for now.

I found out that Linus went home during my 11-hour to home from college today, so I was planning out some confessionals outlining my next-step strategies because Linus was a close and valuable ally for me in this game and someone I really liked, but I watched the Survivor episode I couldn't watch live as soon as I got home and... all I want to say is that this puts things in perspective for me, truly, about how this is a game, and the tears I cried tonight, in my opinion, will have a profound impact on how I will play out the remainder of this game. I was reminded in the most dramatic way possible how this is all a game. Especially being someone who has, at times, blurred the distinction between real life and game in things that I've said and done, I'm looking at things through a completely different outlook after what I just witnessed transpire on national television. This is a game. This is literally just an online game. I'm going to make sure that I keep people reminded of that, that the experience can be as fun and enjoyable for people as possible, and that should I come close to blurring the line between game and life again... that I think back to the raw emotions this evening incited among the Survivor community and I remember how low-stakes this all is. I hope that this experience brings all of us in this game together so that we may approach the remainder of the season with respect, passion, and fun. I'll get back to you on strategies when there are less tears running down my face.

https://youtu.be/Q1XPLeE__oc This one BETTER BE UNLISTED.

we won reward and slither.io is fucking terrible so fuck that and let's catch y'all up with my strategies Linus went home, which was truly a wake-up call. Linus was someone I trusted and someone that I was fully aligned with and vibed with, so losing him - potentially at, as Zakriah suspects, Monty's hands - was rough. I've been playing this game on Easy Mode; we've been on cruise control since Day 1, going to Tribal Council once where Chrissa self-voted herself out 10-0, and have been immune ever since. This is literally my longest immunity streak in Tumblr Survivor history - 3 rounds - and it hit me that I haven't even been playing. No votes, no alliance-building and strategic developments... I'd been just winning everything and not worrying about jack squat. And then I see that Linus' ass is gone and suddenly my ass is grass - I've got one less ally in this game. I got woke up real hard and have now attempted to get out of cruise control and start course-correcting. I approached Dana with all this, because she's my closest ally in this game, and she agreed. On my way home yesterday, I was planning it out - form positive working relationships with the rookies because, if we keep winning, why not feel good with them in a potential swap or merge? I was planning on getting info out of Willow, and striking a deal with Allie. Instead, after having more convos with Willow, I elected to strike a deal with her; it's not official, but we've both got each others' backs, which loosely means that we're working together. I'm happy that Willow is the one I've formed a stronger relationship with because I truly see Allie as the bigger threat; we can boot Allie if we need to, and I can keep Willow around as my Katie. In Malaysia, I had a great and honest partnership with Katie; we were each others' ride-or-die, Katie because I was loyal to her and me because I felt like I could beat Katie in the end. I've got the same vibe about Willow here. She can be my partner and extra vote to the end of this game where I'll beat her - it sounds good. Now, I wanted to form good relationships with both Allie and Willow for two reasons: if we keep winning they're good allies in the advent of an inevitable future swap or merge, and if we do lose, then they won't be targeting me. Now, should we lose, my thought was to get rid of bigger rookie threat Allie, and should we lose again, take out Karen; the Karen/Monty/Lexi obvious trio shouldn't have a chance to reunite, but at the moment Karen is still a number with me, even if we hardly talk. I could be convinced to oust Karen first because Allie, while a bigger threat, might offer more future connections for Dana and myself, while the only connections Karen has are to a well-known solid clique that may have already turned against the veterans. The time will come to decide that. Until future events come to pass, my head is now back and placed firmly and square on my shoulders. No more easy mode, no more cruise control, and hopefully more premeditated and beneficial progressions.

me: finds idol clue that says in no uncertain terms that the idol is in the plane wreckage me: checks the cute vets' idol hunting doc and sees that someone has already checked there and, presumably, found the idol me: what the fuck now i'm sAD me: checks the plane wreckage anyways me: ...............fINDS THEF UIEDHFCUIEWDHXJ FUCKING IDKJCIOKWDHFNCIWS IDOL HUDEUWSIDHXS JESS CHRIST

This is legit so fucking weird. In the google docs, somebody searched there... and if they did they should have the idol... but I HAVE THE IDOL???... So someone's fabricating where they're searching??? On paper, that kind of makes sense; lie about where you've actually been to hide places that you haven't searched and leave open places where you know it's not, so your alliance can search there and not find it. That makes sense. But this edit was literally the second edit in the doc. It doesn't make any sense at all how that edit is in there and i have the idol rn. I'm legit sketched the fuck out LOL but... I lied to Dana that i searched the pile of ash (lol) and that I found the clue that I really found days ago there, and she's on a tear now. On the topic of vets being shady, she thinks that Karen's out to get her. now that i've got the idol and am feeling ballsy... karen's a lot more expendable to my conceited ass now than she was when i was vulnerable. i'll take an idol, allie, and the risk of allie's people being out to get me over an idol, karen, and a trio getting allowed to reunite. letting karen stay definitively gives a clear-cut clique the chance to reunite. there's nothing clear-cut about allie, but even if there was unbeknownst to me, i've got the idol as leverage and protection. without that protection, i would've taken the known of karen/monty/lexi over the unknown quantity of allie's allegiance, but now... karen's ass is grass. But this is all conjecture. The immunity challenge is Jeopardy!, with only one tribe representing. Kendall and I fucking dominated this challenge in Malaysia and I'm optimistic that I could do so again, so I'm thinking our chances of going to Tribal Council this round are less than likely. But if we do... Karen :~) maybe u should've tried talking to me or dana ever lol

https://youtu.be/X8GKSbyfVX4

shitshitshithsit Im screwed ;_; ill try my best to try and create a legit looking fake idol but I dont see it working at all. Fuck you Mitchell!! Fuck you Ryan!!! and Fuck you Monty!!!! I hope you all get eaten by a bunch of crocodiles

mitchell: 2 tumblevivor jeopardy!: 1 :)

Okay so last night after we got the reward, I didn't get an idol clue, but I decided to look because it's smart to look every round. Anyway I went to the sunken ship again because me and Allie have been looking in there, and I went to the flooded control deck, and then to the old map, and I found a clue, I'm so excited! [Friday, April 14, 2017 12:22 AM] Isaac (Solomon Islands Host): <<< You pick up the map You notice something written on the backside Congratulations you have found the clue to the hidden immunity idol "While you want to be soaring and flying. These people did not and ended up dying"Isaac (Solomon Islands Host), Yesterday 12:22 AM I'm just really happy about finding this clue, because I think I know where to look now, but I'll just have to wait until next round. I told Allie about the clue and that she should look this round, so that we can find the idol faster, but I don't think shes looked yet. I'm just hoping whoever got the idol clue from the reward challenge doesn't find the idol before me and Allie. It's weird because at the beginning of this game I thought the idea of someone looking for the idol was crazy, but now I realize it's not, and I've been looking every round. On another note, Mitchell came up to me and told me that he got good vibes from me, and that he's got my back, which is really great because Mitchell is an awesome person, and hes someone that I really want to work with. To enable screen reader support, press shortcut Ctrl+Alt+Z. To learn about keyboard shortcuts, press shortcut Ctrl+slash.

Ok so Im ready to start throwing literally everything at the wall. I have a pretty cray cray move planned, hope it works out but atleast I would go down fighting.

Because Monty flipped on the vets - I already knew it, but Mitchell confirmed it after the jeopardy challenge - Aromal is screwed tonight and we got a rat in our midst. What Mitchell is thinking is since Monty is so quick to vote out a vet, we should scoop in Allie and Willow and take out some of his allies in a potential second swap situation. It's put me in a pickle bc I do want to work w Karen but I know I probably can't bc of the shit I've talked about Lexi already. So if worse comes to worst and we have to vote out a vet it'll be one of those three.

So while I am excited about winning immunity again I am kinda peeved that fricking Ulawa lost again and I can be expecting another vet to go which means the veterans are going to be down in numbers which I don't want because I want to be in a position where I can have both nuTemoana and the Veterans to work with, but if the rookies get the numbers than I may be at the mercy of the rookies in nuTemoana who I have been building bonds with slowly even though I will quickly get rid of any of them. I kinda wish Makira would like throw it or something because they have 4-2 over there and like again I find myself sitting back and waiting for the game to reach a point where I can be making moves and taking control. But if winning immunity every time is what gets me to the merge than I guess I'm okay with that because that would give me plenty of time to hide just how deceptive I can be.

So a lot has happened since the last tribal. Aro was our target - until he revealed that he has an idol, and showed us screenshots. Leaving us at a huge disadvantage, considering me, Monty, and L.A. have an alliance together and Aro is our only conceivable target. So Monty and I came up with a plan. Me and L.A. are voting for Aro, and him and Aro are voting for L.A. That way, if he plays his idol, L.A. goes home and not me or Monty (even though we don't really want her gone, at this point, we may not have a choice). And if he doesn't play his idol, me and Monty are the deciding votes and get rid of Aro instead. Our biggest worry is that Aro votes for Monty instead, meaning it ties between Monty and L.A., and then if Aro really wants Monty gone I have to make the decision of either voting out my closest ally, or going to rocks and risking myself. Actually no, if Aro plays his idol he'd be immune at rocks. So there's no way I wouldn't vote for Monty in that situation, because I'd be the only person pulling rocks. So really, this hinges on Aro doing what he's telling us he's doing, which is something really risky to bet on. I told Aro that I wanted to vote for L.A., just to solidify his vote for her. I really hope this goes as planned, and that Aro doesn't play his idol.

I need a better social game, coming into this game I knew it would be my tragic flaw and now I think I might go home because of it. It's already been established that Monty was unsure about me because we didn't talk a lot, and we don't. Daisy and I only became close-ish, after the Lily vote because we both felt in danger and needed someone to have our back but now she has an idol and better social game. The only person I talked to regularly, I voted out because I wasn't able to trust him and now I'm stuck with these people I am not close with at all and I get the feeling that they are close. Daisy and Monty seem to talk a lot and I'm not sure about Aro and where he stands. I feel like if I don't do something I'm going home tonight, Aro says he has an idol which I believe and Daisy and Monty are just saying lets vote Aro anyways, and it makes no sense. If he has an idol then he's going to use and since they aren't worried I'm clearly the target so now I have to do something to try and save myself. I'm worried about coming off paranoid, too aggressive, or untrustworthy but I have to do something, otherwise I feel like I'm just letting myself go home without a fight.

I talked to Aro, and basically told him everything. I wasn't wrong about possibly going home tonight, Daisy put my name out to him. Apparently, I'm good at challenges and that scares her. TBH, all I do is put effort in, I can go hard like I did with the word game, but besides that I haven't put that much effort in. I considered down playing when I first started but whats the point? I'd rather be seen as a strong challenge player rather than someone who doesn't try. At this point I can only hope Aro doesn't flip again, so we'll see how this all works out.

Okayyy I actually might have found an opening. Heres whats goin down tonight Daisy and Monty are voting me to try and flush my (very fake) idol. However they dont wanna be at the receiving end of my (very fake) idol so they told me to vote L.A . I figured out what they were planning and went straight to LA. We are now voting Daisy because she thinks both Daisy and Monty are voting for her. Oh and apparently Daisy has an idol too so if we manage to get rid of her we might send her packing with the idol. So the vote is gonna be 2-2 and L.A HAS to draw rocks or else Im screwed. PLEASE LET THIS WORK

okay okay me and LA are voting Monty not Daisy OH GOD PLEASE LET THIS WORK

I kinda feel bad for Ulawa since they've lost every immunity challenge. I'm also worried that after tonight's tribal there might be another tribe swap since Ulawa would be down 3 members (I think?). And if there is a tribe swap and I end up on a different "beach" then that'll be a little scary bc I'm so close to finding this idol. I know I used to complain about the first tribe swap but everyone on Makira has been really nice to me, even though I came into the swap down 4-2. Anyway I should I probably stop assuming that there might be a swap because I'll never know until it actually happens.

#thequeenstaysqueen

0 notes