Lately I'm having this difficult situations with my parents, which make myself to cry until fall asleep because unfair things happen. But I think this will be a topic for another time.
Right now, due to a conversation with my mother, I'm more aware that I don't show much love to them. And when I do, I realized that one of my love languages is giving gifts. Which I don't usually do because currently I'm not earning money.
Another love language I have are words of affirmation. Which, also, is difficult for me to say them. Even to my friends, to whom I just text. I know this is because, in general, it's complicated for me to show love, again. To demonstrate my feelings (you know, childhood wounds). But I make an effort for them, however not for my parents.
And THERE is the problem. It's like I can't, I just can't say to them: "I love you". Or just a simple: "How are you?". It's so fucking hard to bring those words out of me.
And I think one of the reasons why is so hard is because I feel resentment towards them. I can't help it. I have been working on that, but I think there'll be a long path yet. The patterns still repeating and it won't change because my parents are just them. I frecuently feel hurt again and again, even when I do know I can't expect anything else from them.
So my feelings towards them are so fucking frustrating. I think I do. I do feel affection for them. I mean, they are my parents. I know they have done a lot for me. But the way I am plus the resentment I keep on them make hard for me to feel or demonstrate affection.
So that's it. I made this fast illustration, very different to what I'm used to doing, because I needed to clear the mind. Not just with a drawing, but with words too.
Tell me if you also had a difficult relationship with your parents and if maybe could relate to the illustration or my thoughts.
Sending you a big hug 🫂💞 and wonderful vibes for the rest of the week 💖.