june 8th

itsay ep 4 (thoughts + spoilers)

idk even know how to even start this bc i feel like i’m just a big ball of emotions, and this ep was wild. so much happened. last ep was so wonderful and almost languid with how everything played out (esp since it focussed much more specifically on the shift in teh/oh-aew’s relationship). this ep had a bit more of everything, not just the two of them in their bubble anymore. societal forces at play, and hence much more angst. again, this isn’t a  proper analysis, it’s just me ranting and raving as usual as i semi-rewatch this again. this is very long, and there are a lot more things i want to think about in more detail at some point bc i’m mostly just skating over a lot of what happened but i gotta get these thoughts in my head out of me somehow. and i’m not sure if what i’m typing will even make sense bc i MYSELF can barely make sense of what i’m feeling but here i go anyway.

so we start off with the both of them kind of awkward after the night before which is fair enough considering what happened. actually when oh-aew’s habit started playing up again, i thought teh wasn’t going to scratch his back bc he was trying not to ~go there again after the night before, but he did and i was pleasantly surprised like oh...maybe things aren’t that bad?? (YET). also, i can imagine that it would have been reassuring for oh-aew too. like things have changed, but it’s not like teh has completely abandoned him. the touch itself is comforting, like when they were kids.

teh’s mum talking about how she wants both of her sons to bring their girlfriends around (and hounding him about bringing tarn around again) is giving me war flashbacks to my own asian relatives and i can feel the way that must crawl under his skin. I HATE when family members do that (and they always do). but for teh it must be esp hard bc he’s already constantly feeling like he’s vying for his mum’s attention over his brother, and now hoon’s bought back a girlfriend so it’s yet ANOTHER thing he feels like he has to compete with his brother over. in the back of his mind, he knows that he can’t give his mum what she wants if he’s with oh-aew (he can’t ‘win’ over hoon bc heteronormativity). teh is def prone to jealousy fairly easily, but i always feel like his emotions on that base level are also very easy to understand. i’ve been in positions like that before where i’ve felt like i’ve constantly been compared to someone else, and it makes you feel like shit. but also oh-aew having to sit through teh’s mum telling him to let her know if teh and tarn are dating?? ouch.

cue teh trying to avoid what’s going on with them and oh-aew being sad :((( they’re both in so much pain and i feel it and thank god i am no longer a teenager that’s all i can say about this.

the guitar in skyline instrumental is just...making me feel some kind of way. they have so many versions of this song and they always use the right version at the right time how is that.

so the tarn scene!!!!!!!!!!!!!! first thought: holy shit she looks so cute i love her crop top where did she get it i want one. second thought: but why did they make her wear a dark bra under such a light top?? i love that i was thinking this and then it all unravelled in front of me and like...the brilliance. the contrast between the scene in ep 2 (i think?) where teh accidentally peeks at her bra through the buttons of her shirt and gets noticeably flustered, and then this one where she literally wears the same bra under a light shirt ON PURPOSE to get his attention, but he doesn’t even notice?? the way she expects him to colour the hibiscus purple, but he colours it red for oh-aew instead?? it’s so incredibly telling of where his heart is at, and how his feelings have changed. anyway, it doesn’t take a genius to figure out that he’s just not all there with her anymore, and tarn isn’t stupid...she’s been picking up on the signals since the beginning (why was he so weirdly obsessed with beating oh-aew at the start? why was he willing to wake up at 4am for oh-aew but not for her? willing to tutor the rest of his friends but not spend time with her?). the way she sees him colouring the hibiscus red and it’s her wake up call, like wtf am i DOING bc of this guy????? i love how she acknowledges that her feelings for teh have made it so she’s solely focussed on him and that she hates the things it makes her do (like wearing the bra to gain his attention). ngl i was slightly worried with how they were going to use her character during these later eps with teh being so conflicted (since girlfriends in BLs are usually handled pretty poorly), but i appreciate that she’s still as fleshed out and full of feeling as she ever was. she’s so sweet, and i just wish she had better than this, but i’m glad she called teh out on it. i know he’s confused af rn, and tbh i don’t think he’s handled this as badly (atm at least) as i thought it could have gone, but at the same time, if he doesn’t decide and set his heart on what he really wants, he’s just going to end up hurting them all. LOVE that she basically tells him to get his shit together first before coming back to her. i like her so much. and that scene of teh just walking around and around at the back feeling conflicted while she drew? really reminds me of the squiggly line timeline(?) of how ep 4 was going to go that nadao released before this ep went live. also cmbyn vibes were real in that one.

the devastation in oh-aew’s voice when he asks teh to at least reply his messages ;;; it’s like teh wants to go back to just being friends and oh-aew has kind of accepted that at this point, but at the same time, teh’s not backing that up. he says he wants to be friends, but he doesn’t know how to act ‘normal’ about it anymore, so he pushes oh-aew away instead. good on oh-aew for not taking that shit and standing up for himself too. i absolutely cannot stand seeing oh-aew sad bc pp’s sad face/voice is so good it actually pains me.

notice how teh ALWAYS uses studies/tutoring as an excuse to get closer to oh-aew again...hmmm...does oh-aew see it for what that is now too? that “you’ve never understood me” hit me like a fucking train. to think that they were so attuned to one another last ep, but now teh’s too caught up in he’s own world to realise just how much he’s hurting oh-aew. thanks, i hate it.

i know that he’s needs to figure himself out more and i absolutely stand by the fact that he needs to do that without messing around with either oh-aew or tarn (and also that he’s using studies again to get into oh-aew’s good books instead of talking through feelings and all that), but the chinese idiom book that he made for oh-aew was actually SO CUTE and romantic. all this stuff he does for oh-aew to show that he clearly cares so much, yet he can never accept it enough to get the words out...

I SWEAR THEY PLAY THE INSTRUMENTAL SKYLINE JUST TO CHOKE ME UP. the darting around each other after the neck kiss COUPLED with the skyline instrumental?? it’s like a sad beach scene 2.0. teh making the first (intimate) move this time. every time he’s trying so hard to convince himself he’s not in love with this boy, and every time he keeps coming back. i always feel such a weird mix of happy and sad when i see them together bc i love them but i know teh in particular, is just not ready yet. like the hug scene made my heart leap, BUT they did it in hiding (under the staircase). all their big intimate scenes are in hiding and that just :(((

teh saying that he loves the seawater on his back bc it holds him up, and oh-aew saying but you have to hold your breath in that posture and it gets uncomfortable so he likes letting it go and just sinking sometimes instead (obv paraphrasing but you get the drift)?? THE WRITING IN THIS. it says so much without telling the audience directly...so poetic. everything about this show is so poetic. the way they sink into the ocean and into that space of oh-aew’s where you can just let yourself go without holding back, and then and only THEN does teh finally kiss oh-aew. and it’s beautiful, after holding back for so long, but it’s also painful bc he’s let go but only within this tiny pocket of space and time. in hiding again. that bird’s eye view shot where you can’t see them at all sealed it for me. like you want to be happy, but you can’t really bc you know that they’ve still got so much more to go...like when teh’s hand grazes oh-aew’s chest and you see oh-aew realise again...like that’s partly what stopped teh the first time in ep 3. when his hands stopped at oh-aew’s chest like it hit in for him that he was a boy. anyway, love that they gave us a skam kiss but i’m also very sad. on another note, how the hell did they hold their breath for that long?????

love that they gave us a further 2 more seconds of teh/oh-aew being cute (CONSTANTLY thinking about teh’s fingers dancing across oh-aew’s face and smushing his face in his hands...oh-aew holding the back of teh’s head...just a brief moment of carefreeness) before they went for the jugular. watching teh fight against himself in this way is what hurts. oh-aew begging him to just let go and accept what they are (the way he keeps going “what did i do wrong?? you feel it too!!”) but he’s so tortured he can’t do it. it’s downright fucking heartbreaking. the “one day i’ll stop feeling this way”...could have just stabbed oh-aew and it would have hurt less. all i know is i’m hurting for the both of them. the repression is real, and it just sucks. this whole thing fucking sucks for both of them (and tarn and bas too at that). idk it just gets me that oh-aew is coming out of this having been rejected once again bc teh isn’t ready yet. and i know this but it doesn’t make me any less upset. not at any of them bc it’s hard i know it’s hard...just at the situation. sometimes it feels like teh’s taking a step forward but then he takes two more back instead. the look on teh’s face when oh-aew was like let’s stop being friends...total devastation. i’m done. don’t want to think about it anymore.

i’m glad that oh-aew’s parents are so supportive of him though. i wasn’t sure how close they were based on their previous interaction but they really love him and i’m glad he has that stability to help him through this.

THE SCENE WITH OH-AEW AND THE BRA FUCKING BLEW ME AWAY. this show is always keeping me guessing, and again yet another thing that i wasn’t expecting but it was so visceral. the red of the bra in comparison to tarn’s bra with the purple hibiscus flowers on it...everything connects. oh-aew looking into the mirror with that bra on and thinking about how things would have been different if only :((( and then his breakdown when he realises that it’s not and that’s the reality of the situation. the feeling that gave me sits so deep within my chest i can’t even begin to carve it out.

teh masturbating when he sees that picture of oh-aew and to that picture of yongjian on his wall (idk why it only now just occurred to me that yongjian is always in red too)?? the self-hatred in this scene. the internalised homophobia. my heart feels so heavy.

he KEEPS reaching and it’s going nowhere bc it won’t ever be enough, and that’s not fair on himself and it’s not fair on tarn. like i understand what he’s going through, and i get that he’s extremely confused and needs the clarification, but when he asks tarn to tell her she loves him and he can’t do the same back for her...i just feel so, so, so fucking bad for tarn.

oh-aew hoping that the worksheets left for him were from teh (which would be very on brand of him), but then seeing bas :( maybe in another world, in another life (like teh and tarn)...but he’s such a sweetheart. bas, best boy ;;;

legit as soon as the gang came to see teh off to bangkok and talk to him about how oh-aew was doing terribly (and wasn’t planning on going to the admission exams) i knew where this was going to go. there’s been so much foreshadowing leading up to this, and this was also one of (if not my main theory) with how things were going to eventually play out. but tbh for some reason i thought it was going to play out later in ep 5...but like damn. damn. the way i understand but at the same time i kept going OH TEH :( throughout this. the utter STRESS this bit put me through. THE MISCOMMUNICATION.

anyway, teh’s love language is clearly acts of service. but it can really be to his detriment when he does things impulsively (albeit with care and good intentions), but he doesn’t use his words so things get lost in translation. sometimes actions just aren’t enough and you really do need words to communicate.

the confirmation scene was so tense...even now i’m just sitting here thinking about it and there’s a hole in my stomach at the thought of what teh must be going through and what he ends up doing. like when that last person on the list shows up and you KNOW it’s going to happen but at the same time it’s like a punch to the chest bc there’s just no doubt that teh’s going to turn it down for oh-aew...OF COURSE he would. oh-aew’s split moment of happiness before realising what teh’s done...the absolute dread i still have in me at the realisation of this.

the tension really kept increasing from here on in...teh coming home and his mum just being so fucking proud of him and telling everyone in the restaurant about how happy she is for him (all while teh is absolutely depleted), then tarn coming in and everything bubbling over when she realises what teh’s done too. realises that teh’s in love with oh-aew (smile is so great in this btw like WOW). the “you hurt me and i’m alright with that, teh, but right now you’re hurting yourself” broke my heart. absolutely love tarn as a character and only ever want the best for her.

when he tells his mum :((((((((((( and his mum just goes on about how hard he’s worked and how much he’s already sacrificed only for him to throw that away. he wanted her to be proud of him SO BAD, wanted to not be compared to his brother for once, only for him to give away his place bc he loves oh-aew more than he wants his mother’s praise. more than he wants to compete and ‘win’ against his brother. when she points to hoon and goes “why can’t you be more like him?” and he just loses it. like rubbing salt in the wound. i’m so glad hoon finally hugged him the way i’ve been wanting to this whole time. the banner congratulating him that teh’s mum made with all his materials from before :((( hoon giving him money for uni :((( you ever watch some things and feel like you’ll never be happy again...

okay the way that everything spiralled during the ig story fight?????? what gets me is that teh sacrificed his place thinking that oh-aew wasn’t going to sit the exam at all (he could have just talked to him and convinced him instead but ughhh i understand i get it). oh-aew thinks he did it bc teh didn’t believe he could get in himself (which of course then spurs him to give it up so he can get in through the exam instead). and when teh sees that, it’s like a smack in the face, like he went through all that only for oh-aew to reject it (him). it’s just layers upon layers of miscommunication and the anxiety of it all absolutely guts me. and then the anger mixing into devastation when he opens his book and sees how it’s all cut up. the remnants a reminder of everything he’s done for oh-aew. this boy that he adores but can’t accept he has feelings for. it’s just this mix of anger and sorrow and what have i fucking done?????? and how could he????? the cast were all fantastic but billkin really had to go above and beyond in this one and i could absolutely feel his pain throughout this.

TO PIGGY BACK ON THIS, like i said before, teh has always used studying/tutoring as a tool to get closer to oh-aew, but seeing that book with all the words gone was in part also him realising he doesn’t have that anymore. he can’t use that tool to get close to oh-aew anymore. the only way forward would be to actually get close to oh-aew without the pretences. and the saddest part of this all is that oh-aew doesn’t even NEED all of that (the tutoring, the book of idioms, the relinquishing of his uni spot)...the only thing he wants is for teh to ADMIT his feelings out loud. to admit that he feels the same way about oh-aew that oh-aew feels about him.

it’s funny bc in the last ep, the conversation that had me feeling the most nervous was when they’re talking at the cape, and oh-aew’s telling teh that he’s a rival and inspiration to him. i always KNEW this was going to come back to haunt them. like a constant circle. friends to rivals to friends to more than friends(?) to rivals. it’s a fine line. narratively, it always had to happen, and now they’re back to competing against one another yet again, and it’s going to be so tough bc they’ll have so much more competition on top of that as well.

next ep is going to be very, very hard on teh, but somehow after this ep, i just feel a lot more hopeful about it? i’m pretty convinced at this point that it won’t end in tragedy (which was the thing that i wanted least of all). of course i want both teh and oh-aew to end up together, but i can understand if they don’t. if this ends with them rekindling their friendship again, that’ll be enough for me. their relationship has been so turbulent and passionate that it needs some stability, and hopefully when teh’s in a better state of mind, when he’s at a place when he’s finally accepted all parts of himself, they’ll get there. so if that means it ends on them running to the cape together (even if they’re not technically together) fulfilling their promise to one another in the sunset, then that’s fine with me. i don’t mind an open ending if it makes sense in the context of the story, and i think something like that would. it’s like after such an angsty episode, you need a slight reprieve from it. i have no doubt in my mind that ep 5 will contain darkness, but i do think that there will be light at the end of the tunnel. so for once i feel truly hopeful about it.

i can’t believe we only have one more ep left to go...

Corren - 1 through 100 - You did this to yourself.

FUCK YOU *UN-IRONICS YOUR ASK*

UNDER THE FUCKING CUT

1. What do they smell like?

Bad. Do you think their party is able to regularly take showers? I thinketh the fuck not. ... Pine and old books when he can self care tho.

2. What is their voice like?

Listen I know Corren, being taller, would be more likely to have a deeper register but you'll tear "tenor Corren" out of my cold dead hands

3. What is their biggest motivator?

Spite.

4. What is their most embarrassing memory?

When he first met his BFF Alondra, he was so antisocial and good at ignoring people that she actually got the impression he might have been hard of hearing. She never let him live that down. (one day I'll finish this fic i promise)

5. How do they deal with/react to pain?

"I will keep all of my pain in here, and one day I'll die." ... Okay but listen he's squishy so he takes like one hit and is bloodied up. Someone get him a healer. Pls.

6. What do they like to wear?

He likes his cloak. Its weighty and soft(well. WAS soft. got a bit of wear and tear these days.) and like. Who doesnt love cloaks.

7. Which of their relationships have impacted them most positively?

Ohhhhh fuuuccck this one's tough. I might have to go with Torvid honestly. While the entire party has had a positive impact on him(and trust me I was this close to picking Alistair), Torvid's been more of the one to call him out on his bullshit and to, oh I don't know, talk about your emotions? Ever??? Yknow BEFORE they become too much to handle and he absolutely breaks down???

8. What’s the weirdest thing they’ve ever eaten?

Alistair's cooking.

9. Describe the way that they sleep.

Good luck finding him NOT cuddled up with at least one dog. Tbh he just enjoys cuddles in general.

10. What is their favorite food/kind of food?

FUCKIN. GIVE HIM A GOOD STEAK. THIS BOY IS MOSTLY CARNIVORISTIC.

11. What do they feel most insecure about?

As tempted as I am to say "His cooking", it's actually his singing.

12. How do they like to dress?

"Comfort over flashiness tbh. I gotta go ADVENTURING in whatever I wear after all."

"... Also don't you DARE perceive me as cishet."

13. How do they react to feelings of guilt?

Call him a genie because he will BOTTLE THAT SHIT UP.

14. How do they react to/deal with betrayal?

Denial :D

15. What is their greatest achievement?

Shrike: Killing his dad

Me: NOOOOOO

EDIT: WAIT THIS WAS ANSWERED IN Q99 WHAT THE HECK

16. What are they like when they’ve gotten too little sleep?

Somehow more of a dick than usual. Snappy and cranky and just. Mrehhh.

17. What are they like when they’re drunk?

Doesn't get drunk often, but when he does I imagine he's actually giggly and a little clingy. It's cute :)

18. What kind of music do they enjoy?

*Opens my Corren playlist* Oh yeah. It's either full edgy alt rock or indie alt "depressed millenial" tracks.

19. Are they right or left handed?

FFFuuhhhhck uhhhh well

Looking over my old art I can't seem to pick a dominant hand(I've even drawn him handling his sniper with either hand???????????) so like oops guess he's ambidextrous.

20. Fears?

The dark, the ocean, dying alone and forgotten, his friends losing their trust of him

21. Favorite kind of weather?

Rain!!!! Especially cool rain like what people often get in fall months.

22. Favorite color?

Indigo!!!

23. Do they collect anything?

Books :3

24. Do they prefer either hot or cold weather more?

Cold weather by far.

25. What is their eye color?

Electric blue!

26. What is their race/ethnicity?

Well his race is a homebrew race known as Marelienth. Uhhh ethnicity? Idk he's from a mountain town way up north *shrugs*

In human aus I imagine him as half-Mongolian half-Norwegian so ayee

27. Hair color?

Black!

28. Are they happy where they are currently?

No :D He loves adventuring with his party don't get me wrong but he still has a lot of trauma to unpack. ... Also he was just possibly broken up with soooo. :/

29. Are they a morning person?

NOPE.

30. Sunrise or sunset?

*motions to above question* Sunset.

31. Are they more messy or more organized?

More organized, actually!

32. Pet peeves?

*unravels a list. It's all shit the party has done. Mostly Alistair.*

33. Do they own any objects of significant personal importance?

HOOUSIDSJFK- HE- Y-YEAH HE SURE DOES

His amethyst pendant used to belong to his brother, Julian, and he gave it to Corren right before they were separated so you BET it's sentimental as shit and he wears it daily.

34. Least favorite food?

Mecha's usually a great cook but one time trolled him with some absurdly spicy curry he couldn't handle and he's never forgiven them.

35. Least favorite color?

Hmmm. Maybe... yellow?

36. Least favorite smell?

He spent a year with his party in a damp cave and no showers, so uh. I'll give you a guess.

37. When was the last time they cried?

Literally last night in our game's timeline :D Full breakdown and everything!

38. Were they with anybody the last time they cried?

Torvid :D He was there to comfort

39. Tell us about one of the times they got injured?

One time they were in combat and Corren took a few hits and was down to about 2hp or so. He had a temporary level thanks to Kieran, which boosted his HP a little bit. When he teleported them to a safe town, though, well... Torvid was waiting for them so that's cool. But uh. Yeah that temporary level wore off then and there, dropping Corn Cob to exactly 0hp and he just- flopped down face first in the snow and started dying then and there KJNDKLFNSLKN

40. Do they have any scars?

:)

Do you want to talk about the scar over his eye from a fight he got in with his dad or like. The scars on his limbs from the time he was literally experimented on.

41. Do they struggle with any mental health issues?

:)

Undiagnosed+Untreated Anxiety, Depression, DPDR, PTSD, just to name a few

42. Do they have any bad habits?

Running away from his problems, definitely.

43. Why might someone dislike them?

He's a pretentious nerd. He can be a dick if he doesn't care about you.

44. Why might someone love them?

He's an adorable nerd! He's a hopeless romantic and oddly enough an optimist. He's passionate and driven too!

45. Do they believe in ghosts?

Well ghosts are like- a canon proven thing in his world sooo. Yeah.

46. Is there anyone they would trust with their lives?

His party. Well- most in his party.

47. Are they romantically interested in anyone?

Nethyl :)

48. Are they dating/married to anyone?

He's dating Nethyl and they're in a happy and healthy relationship :) *politely ignores canon*

49. Do they like surprises?

NO >:(

50. When is their birthday?

Heroya 5th! I think. I don't wanna check, assume it's this.

51. How do they usually celebrate their birthday?

"You guys celebrate your watchdays?"

Jokes aside, he mainly just treats himself to a nice dinner and a new book or something :)

52. Do they have any family?

Two older siblings: Julian and Mila. His parents are Andreas and Fanya!

53. Are they close to their family?

... *Coughs*. He was close with his siblings, but Mila died and he hasn't seen Julian in 30 years. Was close with his dad but last time they saw each other, they fought and Corren might have killed him so. ... Yeah. :/

54. What is their MBTI type?

FUCK uh. I... N... T... J? INTJ. Sure.

55. What is their zodiac sign?

In Sekrezia: The eagle

In our world: Uhhh. Idk. Capricorn????

56. What Hogwarts House would they be in?

Uhhh. Ravenclaw??? I know almost nothing about HP :/

57. What D&D alignment are they?

THIS ONE'S EASY- lawful neutral!

58. Do they ever have nightmares? If so, what about?

:)

Used to have typical nightmares, nothing special. Nowadays though he often dreams of being underwater. Not drowning, though. It's... weird. He doesn't like those.

59. What are their views on death?

He's a necromancer lol.

Death is inevitable, though. It's a necessary part of life. Death is not an entire loss, though. One lives on in the memories others carry of them, in the love they hold in their hearts. Death is complicated, but that's okay.

60. What is something that they’re sure to laugh at?

Alistair :)

61. When bored, how do they pass time?

Dog time :)

62. Do they enjoy being outside?

... Ehhhhhh?

63. Do they have an accent?

Technically??? It's an accent from where he's from but like. I just barely tweak my own voice when I rp him so? Damn Corren I'm sorry you've been cursed with east coast dialect.

64. Upon seeing a slice of chocolate cake, what is their first reaction?

"Damn who's the rich bastard here?" (cake is kinda a delicacy in their world- not like elites only but not NEARLY as common as it is here)

65. If they knew they were going to die, what would they do/say?

Reassurance mode to whomever he's with. "Hey, hey, it's okay. I'm okay. Remember what I told you, death is a natural part of life, yeah? I don't have any regrets, I'm okay... Just. Thanks. For giving me a chance. Thank you. Thank you."

66. How do they feel about sex?

I SWEAR he's allosexual. I'm just bad at writing allosexuals.

67. What is their sexuality?

He doesn't really know how to pin it down, so he just calls himself "queer". Definitely not straight, that's all he knows.

68. Do they become squeamish at the sight of blood?

AHAHA no. He's hella desensitized

69. Is there anything that they find really gross?

Skulking cyst. Look it up at your own volition. It's. NO.

70. Which TV Trope(s) best describes them?

It's 12:21 in the morning and I'm NOT about to scroll through a bunch of tv tropes just. just. NERD stereotype.

71. Do they enjoy helping people?

Yyyyes? Only really if it's the people he cares about.

72. Are they allergic to anything?

Bullshit.

73. Do they have a pet?

WINGTHARA!! HIS SKELE-DOG!!!

74. Are they quick to anger? What are they like when they loose their temper?

Oh yeah he's all bark and no bite. He usually just throws a little fit and/or yells.

75. How patient are they?

More than he should be :/

76. Are they good at cooking?

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

77. Favorite insult? Do they insult people often?

Oh yes he insults the others all the time. No particular favorite, he likes so spice it up.

78. How do they act when they’re particularly happy?

Stim. Stim. Stim. His eyes get all sparkly and he. He.

79. What do they do when they learn about other people’s fears?

He will do everything in his power to assure they won't ever have to deal with their fears alone- You afraid of spiders? It's his job to get the spiders from now on so you won't have to deal with them.

80. Are they trustworthy?

Oh yeah. He's like Rapunzel- doesn't break promises.

81. Do they try to hide their emotions? Are they good at it?

Oh yes he tries to hide it. And yes, he's awful at it.

82. Do they exercise regularly?

Yes and no? No like- exercise regimen, but the amount of travelling and fighting they do is just- a workout in and of itself

83. Are they comfortable with the way they look?

Yeah! He's cute and he knows it baybie!!!

84. What are some physical features that they find attractive on people?

He,,, he likes someone who's physically stong,,, Muscles are,,, aaaaa >///>

85. What kind of personalities do they find attractive?

Someone he can nerd out with :)

86. Do they like sweet foods?

Impartial to it. He won't turn sweets away but he's not crazy about them either.

87. What is their age?

43, the equivalent of- I think someone in their mid 30s?

88. Are they tall or short or somewhere in between?

He's 6'8" :) Which is actually normal for his race

89. Do they wear glasses or contacts?

Sometimes! I like to think he has reading glasses or something like that.

90. Do they consider themselves attractive?

HE'S CUTE AND HE KNOWS IT.

91. What is their sense of humor like?

Julian tainted his sense of humor and now he finds the most dumb shit hilarious. Think very millenial/GenZ humor like "I wish I was Jared, 19"

92. What mood are they most often in?

"I don't get paid enough for this" or Fear.jpg

93. What kinds of things anger them?

People who don't keep their FUCKING WORD. Oh and like. Yknow. Half the shit his party does.

94. Outlook on life?

Again he's??? Oddly an optimist? In the "Things will get better and that is a fucking THREAT" way, but still optimist!

95. What kind of things make them sad/depressed?

Talk about his family :) Or the fact that his boyfriend might want him dead :)

96. What is their greatest weakness?

He's squishy as fuck. He goes down easy.

97. What is their greatest strength?

He's extremely intelligent and great with magic and his sniper!

98. Something that they regret?

Not doing more to stop his brother when he tried to resurrect their sister

99. Biggest accomplishment?

Either convincing an entire town his name is Torren or accidentally convincing some very OP people that he's secretly a dragon.

100. Create your own!

FUCK YOU I SPENT LIKE 2 HOURS ON THIS. NO PROOFREAD. IVE ALREADY DESIGNED CORREN'S AND NETHYL'S HYPOTHETICAL KIDS. ANYWAYS THEY'RE TWIN IRINAGA AND I'VE NAMED THEM AFTER THE DNDADS TWINS: THEIR NAMES ARE LARK AND SPARROW.

✨ shorasheiji au hcs where eiji is the siren ✨

i had this idea for a couple months but can't bring myself to write anything even tho i'm full of ideas so i'll drop them here if anyone wants to write something idk. btw, this au is based on the show siren (i haven't watched it whole yet but i feel inspired hahaha) this post will be only about shorash.

- ash is a fisherman and writer. he likes to sit in his boat in the middle of the ocean and just write stuff. he's books are well known; the book are something between extremely gory/horror or fantasy. he also writes short stories for max's magazine. he was adopted by blanca and natasha. yut-lung is his adoptive brother (i love aus where ash and yut-lung are brothers). he's still in school, but already has his own apartment next to the sea.

- shorter owns a restaurant and also has a gang. don't ask, he doesn't know how it happened either. his dad left him when he was still a baby and his mother passed away two years after he was born. nadia was the one who educated and raised shorter.

- shorter met ash bc ash spent most of the time looking out the window when he went to chang dai, the restaurant in the same street as ash's apartment, as if he was in another world. nadia told her lil bro who ash was and shorter read a book that wasn't a recipe book in years. he liked it and went straight up talking to the author abt the book.

- ash felt immediately his personal space (?) being invaded by the owner of the restaurant being so close to him but didn't see any malice coming from the dorky guy. at first, it kinda made him uncomfortable that man staring at him for a long time (but really loooooooooong time) but now he just wanted that man staring at him the whole time.

- shorter got an invitation to go fishing after two months of conversation with the blond and accepted without thinking twice (his sister scolded him bc he had work, but he couldn't just miss the opportunity to go fishing with ash lynx). shorter felt really happy about it and even put on his lucky shorts (they're pink with pineapples all over) and a his favorite Hawaiian shirt. needless to say he looks extremely sexy and ash makes fun of him when he sees him.

- while they're in the middle of he sea, ash felt inspired and started to write something while listening to shorter ramble abt random things. it wasn't distracting, at all. in fact, ash liked listening to shorter's voice.

- shorter constantly asks when will the fish appear and ash just tell him they won't appear if he doesn't shut up. shorter pouts and sits next to ash, grabbing a beer. shorter points out how beautiful ash is out of nowhere like it's something common and gives a detailed list of why ash is a literal angel sent from heaven. this, of course, makes ash a blushing mess tho he tells shorter "shut up, i'm trying to concentrate"

- they end up just catching two fishes and both were shorter's. he feels extremely happy. they say their goodbyes after ash took them back to the shore (that thing where it's a parking lot for boats, idk the name). ash thanks shorter for the time and hopes they can do it again. shorter is completely down for it and is excited to see the blond the next day at his restaurant.

- one time, they were lying on shorter's bed (aka ash's safe and fave place) just staring at the ceiling after they got tired of playing. ash told shorter, his bestie and crush, abt the sexual abuse he suffered as a child (that canon story) and abt a older brother that went missing when he was fishing. that's why he likes to fish. he hopes he'll find his brother someday. shorter hugged ash and kissed the top of his head "he'll appear someday. don't lose your hope". ash lets more tears roll down his cheeks and rests his head on shorter's chest. that scene that made him feel like no one would never hurt him again.

- they start dating after a year and a half. it was mutual pining bc they're dumb (yes, dumb/oblivious ash lovers, where are you at?). it just sorta happen. ash accidentally kissed shorter one time and it became a habit until shorter presented ash lynx as his boyfriend to nadia.

- they're dating which is nothing different besides the amount of kisses shorter gives ash and tells him every. single. time. how much he loves him. ash blushes or sometimes teases back only to see shorter be the blushing mess. which is now ash's favorite thing.

-ash has a neutral relationship with shorter's gang. he'll only mess with them if they mess with him, and vice versa. ash meets sing for the first time when he visits shorter at one of his secret hideouts. sing is a fan. he tried not to let it show but when ash asked him where shorter was, sing's voice cracked. at the end he was able to get an autograph thanks to shorter. he keeps it inside his pocket all the time; it's a lucky charm.

- (nsfw) ash was able to have sex with shorter twice and they were amazing. ash can only have sex with shorter if they're on ash's room with the curtains all closed, shorter has the day off the next day and that day and ash finished a short or an arc from one of his books. shorter and ash lost all their energy bc if they start they will only end until they can't move anymore. shorter is a service top djkdjkdks the next morning they take a bath together and it's ash's time to spoil shorter by giving him kisses, gentle touches him and washes his mohawk in the most gentle and softest way possible (shorter loves ash's hands and always makes sure to say it at least once a day).

- shorter calls ash by his real name most of the time bc he thinks it's pretty.

- when shorter met blanca and natasha for the first time he knew ash was adopted but thought natasha was his real mom bc they look very alike. shorter wasn't very welcomed by yut-lung but he tried to. at dinner, yut-lung and ash had a fight that blanca couldn't stop. shorter ate the food and complimented it; natasha gave a delicate smile as a thanks before pulling her sons' ears to make them stop yelling. after they left, ash was still all pouty bc the dinner didn't go as planned. shorter kissed ash and told him he looked very sexy yelling; ash rolled his eyes even though his cheeks turned pink. shorter then dropped ash at his place and ash invited his boyfriend for some cuddles and watch a movie.

- a week later, ash invited his boyfriend to go fishing with him on his day off (tho he offered they could do other things). shorter accepted it, excitedly.

- when they were at the sea, ash noticed the fishing rod had caught something so he went check it. it was a big fish since it pulled ash into the water. ash didn't believe what he saw before shorter came to save him, who also took a glance at the big fish with dark hair.

Living a Little Part 6

A/N: I have been thinking about finishing this series forever but just never got around to it. Living a Little is one of my favorite works and I’m so glad you guys like it, I’ll probably have the next part out soon. Between now and then, let’s hope I find the motivation to do my Biology project. Anyway, let me know if you guys like it and yeah. Also, I forgot how much I love writing for Queen, so I might be posting a bunch of Queen content in the near future.

*~~*~~*

Masterlist

John Deacon x Reader

Part 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5

Summary: Y/n get dragged out of her comfort zone by her roommate, even though she knows Y/n never goes out, due to her studies, to a rock concert. Of all places. But maybe it wasn’t such a bad idea after all, when she meets, a very interesting, certain bassist. And he just so happens to find her interesting too.

Word Count: 2 k

Warnings: Language, implied domestic violence, editing, idk

A couple of months had gone by and little had changed. 

Charles made appearances every now and then, but they no longer kept Y/n up at night. Or at least, she tried to make it seem like they didn’t.  

Once she’d seen him at the market, while she was picking out apples. Another time, he was at the car wash the same time she was. Every time he crossed her vision she tried to pretend that he wasn’t there. That he was merely another stranger among a sea of strangers. It worked as long as no one listened to her heart rate increase. If someone listened closely, she was sure they would be able to hear her heartbeat against her ribcage. 

Charles didn’t go away and neither did John. 

Though she hadn’t done a good job of communicating with him after their second date, John did a fabulous job of keeping in touch with her. It was evident to everyone that he was in love with her and couldn’t stay away. Y/n felt the same, but at that moment in time, John was more of a distraction for her than anything. 

She never went to see him because she loved him or was dying to see him. She never made plans with him because she missed him or wanted to spend time with him. Every second that she spent by his side was one second that she wasn’t thinking about the nightmare that lurked in the shadows. 

Y/n loved John. She really did, but she needed more than love to survive.

Charles hadn’t spoken a word to her, yet his voice filled her mind with vicious thoughts. The mental abuse he had inflicted upon her years ago came creeping back. Yet he wasn’t the one inflicting it this time around. Y/e was beating herself up just like Charles had once done. 

At night, she would cry for hours about things she couldn’t control, no heard her cries so they lasted for hours. Alice never noticed the bags under her roommate’s eyes or the amount of liquor that Y/n drowned to keep her demons at bay. No one seemed to notice her spilling into a pit of misery.

“David Bowie’s performing tomorrow night at this new venue, you see if Johna and the boys wanna come see it with us,” Alice asked while reading the paper.  

Y/n was hunched over a medical textbook. She had a major test in a week and due to everything going on she’d been less than stellar at paying attention in class. 

“Y/n.”

Her eyes tarted up from the page, “What?”

“Did you not hear me?”

She shook her head, going back to her reading.”

Alice scoffed. “I swear, you have been up in the clouds lately. I’d say it’s because of John but you never seem to happy to see him.”

“I don’t know what you mean-” Y/n closed the book and looked at her roommate. “-how could I not be happy to see him?”

She shrugged, “I don’t know, Y/n. You just seem off, that’s all I’m saying.” Y/n rolled her eyes, “I’m gonna go for a walk.”

Without another word, she grabbed her coat and exited the flat. The brisk London air swept her hair up and whipped it around as she stepped onto the sidewalk. She just turned the corner when someone fell in step beside her.

“It’s a lovely day, isn’t it?” Charles stated.

Through gritted teeth, Y/n asked, “What are you doing here, Charles?”

“Can’t I go out for a stroll?”

She rolled her eyes.

“It’s just luck that I ran into you.”

Yeah, just his luck. It seemed that Y/n had run clean out of luck a long time ago. “You really shouldn’t be here, you know that. I made it clear a long time ago that I wanted nothing to do with you. So, why must you force your way back into my life?” she asked.

He shook his head in amusement. “I haven’t forced my way into your life, I’ve barely entered it. You wouldn’t like what I’d do if I forced my way in.”

Y/n turned to confront him to see that he was no longer at her side. Instead, he had crossed the street, almost out of her view.

What a bastard!

Why? Why couldn’t life just work in her favor for once? Things always went well for her only for a tidal wave to hit and destroy everything! All she wanted was happiness. Just an ounce… that’s all she was asking for. 

No destination in sight, Y/n kept walking. The further she walked, the further away Charles was. At least, she hoped. Logic didn’t matter to her as long as she felt safe in some sense. 

Distance had once made her feel safe. With Charles an ocean away, Y/n felt like she had the whole world in her hands. No task was too big for her with the power that she had felt. That was the power that told her she had what it took to become a doctor.  

She believed that.

And then Charles came back and she wasn’t sure what to believe.

Perhaps up was down and down and was up. The ocean was green and the sky was purple. She just didn’t know anymore. 

Most importantly, she didn’t know who she was anymore.

Sure, she had never been the most outgoing, but she knew what made her happy. Her love her medicine made studying fun and easy and kept her on track for graduating. Music had always brought her to life, allowing her to get lost in the grove. But known of that seemed to bring her any joy.

Y/n stopped in front of a bar, it was 5 o’clock at night and she saw no reason to turn around and walk home. She actually wasn’t sure which way was home. A mind occupied by troubles, Y/n had walked aimlessly with blinders. Who knew what part of the city she was in.

The bar was almost empty when she entered, only a few people scattered throughout. Y/n walked up to the bar and took a seat, she rested her hand against her chin. The bartender walked over a few seconds later and stared down at her, “Rough day, darling?”

Y/n nodded. It seemed more like a rough life, though.

“I got just the thing for you, it wouldn’t fix anything, but it should take your mind off it for a bit,” the bartender told her before she disappeared.

*~~*~~*

A few hours had passed, and Y/n was surprised that the bartender kept serving her and that she hadn’t fallen out of her chair yet. It was probably 11 and the place was hopping with people. There was barely room to move around, let alone breath and the alcohol was racing through Y/n’s blood like a freight train. Her heart was pound as her head spun round and round. Trying to stand, she fumbled around the room before a pair of strong arms grabbed her. 

“I got ya’. Let’s get you out of here.”

Y/n nodded, letting the person guide her out of the building. 

In the open street, the two stopped next to a street lamp. Y/n leaned against it, trying to get her bearings. Maybe she had one too many drinks. 

“Thanks,” she slurred.

“No problem, Y/n.”

Looking up, Y/n caught sight of her savor, the street lamp casting light over his features. It was the last person she wanted to see. “Charlie.”

“What happened to Charles?” he asked before flashing her a smile. “You know you’re a lightweight, so why’d you down so much?”

Y/n growled, shoving herself off the lamp post. How did he always find her? “What are you doing here, Charlie? Don’t you have somewhere else to be?”

He chuckled, giving her that same old grin, the one that he always gave her before bringing her in for a kiss. She used to miss that smile, used to miss him a lot, but times changed. “I just want to make sure you’re safe. Trying to be nice here, Y/n, don’t go turning me into a bad guy for that.”

She scoffed, walking in the direction she believed home was. “You’re never trying to be nice. You only ever do anything for personal gain.” Y/n turned to him, “What do you think you’ll gain this time around?”

“Who said I plan to gain anything? I’m just trying to be friendly.”

Bullshit.  

Charles walked beside her as Y/n navigated the sidewalk, trying not to trip over thin air. 

“Why’d you even come back? Did the American refuse to put up with your bullshit?”

Charles rolled his eyes, “I got promoted and my company offered me a position here. You can’t pass up money like that, Y/n. It’s insane.”

“You can and you could have passed up coming back into my life.”

*~~*~~*

Alice got up when she heard a knock from the door. It was late and she just wanted to sleep. Y/n had disappeared hours ago and Alice had a big test the next morning, a little sleep, a little less stress, was all she was asking for. God, who knew having a roommate could be so stressful. Trudging to the door, she opened it, her eyes adjusting to the hallway lights.

In front of her stood John, Brian, Freddie, and Roger. She sighed, knowing exactly what they wanted. 

“She’s not here.”

John gave her a puzzled look. Y/n was normally always home. “Where is she at?”

Alice shrugged, “Beats me. Probably at a bar or having dinner somewhere. I don’t know.”

Turning to his friends, the shrugged and suggested that they go. It would be no use waiting for her. John couldn’t help but agree, he should have called ahead anyway. Y/n was always busy with either work or school, and she seemed stressed out over something. Maybe she just needed some time to herself. “Alright, will you tell her that I stopped by?” the man asked.

The blonde nodded, “Of course.”

The musician turned and followed his friends out of the building, disappointment in his eyes. Though he knew that Y/n was probably busy with something, it seemed off. Y/n had seemed off for a while and everyone tried to tell him it was one thing or another. How could he believe that when there was always a hint of fear in her eyes? School and work weren’t the only things bothering her, but any time he asked what was, she brushed it off. 

“She’s probably out with her family,” Brian told him, giving him some hope. “Or probably had to pull an extra shift at work.”

He nodded, that had to be it. 

The group stepped out onto the street as Roger pulled out a cigarette. “This was a bust,” he said as he lite it.

“Oh, don’t say that, Rog. We can still go out a party,” Freddie stated as they walked to the car. “It would just be more fun for John if Y/n was there, that’s all.”

The blonde rolled his eyes, blowing out smoke. “Yeah, whatever.”

They all climbed into the small car as Roger turned the engine. The car roared to life as Roger caught sight of a couple walking down the street. Squinting his eyes, Roger made out what looked like Y/n and another man. It was probably her brother, but he thought she only had a sister. 

John was already feeling down, so Roger thought it best not to say anything, that was until the man Y/n was with wrapped his arms around her and brought her in for a kiss. Definitely wasn’t her brother.

“Um, guys, we have a problem,” Roger stuttered. 

Brian waved him away, “No we don’t, just drive, Roger.”

“Um, no, we do-” He pointed out the window at Y/n and the mysterious man. “- I think that is a problem.”

The three other men followed Roger’s gaze, landing on Y/n.  

John couldn’t believe what he was seeing, Y/n was the last person he thought would be unfaithful. The last person he thought would break his heart.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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100 great things about megamind

basically i just watched megamind and wrote down everything that made me go “hey that’s good”

1. The opening monologue slaps I literally do not care about your “cliches” it’s GOOD

2. “8 days old and still living with my parents...pathetic right?”

3. The idea that Megamind is inherently good since his origin story should have been his dad saying he’s destined for “greatness” but the greatness got cut off uwu

4. Literally just the fact that Megamind was about to go to the Rich Nice House and his destiny changed at the last second,,,everything about this movie makes it a cinematic masterpiece

5. “A baby! How thoughtful!” “yes yes I saw it and thought of you”

6. “While they were learning the itsy bitsy spider I was learning how to dehydrate objects and rehydrate them at will”

7. When you hear the Bad to the Bone guitar riff kick in,,,,,,heck yeah babey!!

8. J.K Simmons is here! yeah!

9. Will Ferrell’s voice acting is literally SO darn good like even just from the beginning,,, the funny affectation of whatever kind of accent that is,,,,,the expressiveness of literally everything he says,,,,,I’m not actively a fan of Will Ferrell or anything but he just did a good job ok

10. “His heart is an ocean inside a bigger ocean”

11. Idk why but I just love the phrase “you fantastic fish you”

12. Metro Man is such a fun character. Like. A hero who shouldn’t be a hero, but he just….is one? Someone who’s idol-worshipped and, despite his grandeur, doesn’t exactly deserve it?

13. MEGAMIND’S CHARACTER DESIGN IS LITERALLY SO GOOD like the vivid colors of his skin and eyes? His COSTUME? His hilarious proportions, between the giant head and the skinny & scrawny everything else? Superb, you funky little alien

14. All dialogue between Megamind and Minion is god tier by default

15. The twist on “damsel in distress” where yeah the girl gets kidnapped but she is so not distressed and has the intellectual power in the situation as she roasts Megamind at every turn and he can’t combat anything she says

16. “Oh potato tomato potato tomato”

17. “I’m shaking in my BABY SEAL LEATHER BOOTS”

18. THE ENTIRE EXCHANGE BETWEEN MEGAMIND AND METRO MAN ABOUT JUSTICE AND REVENGE AND THE MICROWAVE OF EVIL AND WARRANTIES

19. “Can someone stamp my frequent kidnapping card” “You of all people know that we discontinued that”

20. The way this movie manages to SO effectively establish character while diving right into the action and keeping with a fun, fast pace? The world & characters are set up incredibly well AND the start of the journey/ “break into the new world” hits at a brisk 20 minutes? Lovely work, Dreamworks

21. When Highway to Hell kicks in with the lasers and Megamind dancing at the police,,,,,this is nothing short of priceless

22. “Imagine the most horrible terrifying evil thing you could possibly think of and multiply it…..BY SIX”

23. When you’re a supervillain who takes over the city and you say “let’s just have fun with this” to the citizens

24. *whispering behind the door* “now slam the door really hard!” *snickering like a 12 year old girl* “move they can still see you”

25. “Did you think this day would come?” “No, no not in a million years, not ever...I mean yes”

26. “That’s called a window, sir. All the kids are looking through them”

27. Crazy Train is SUCH a nice touch, the fade into Alone Again Naturally is great. The use of music in this movie is absolutely A+, MEGAMIND DID IT FIRST AND GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY AIN’T SPECIAL (jk gotg you’re so special ily)

28. The images of Megamind’s destruction & deterioration of the city are so creative and funny

29. *to a desk toy bird* “What’s your vacuum like?”  

30. “GOING OFF THE RAILS ON A CRAZY TRAIN SIR”

31. Haven’t yet mentioned how lovely the animation of Megamind’s face is! Every single frame, he’s so expressive

32. Mispronunciation of words like “school”, “Metro City”, and “melancholy”

33. This voice cast in general is so good like it’s not just big names phoning it in for an animated movie, they’re fully into it

34. Real Bernard doesn’t get much screen time but he’s hilarious

35. “Typhoon Cheese”, whatever that was gonna be

36. The juxtaposition in body language & facial expression between Real Bernard and Megamind Bernard,,,,,actually just the way Megamind’s physicality is transferred to the other characters he disguises himself as. Great stuff

37. Megamind’s off-the-walls high energy is so fun and electric

38. “This is a bad idea” “yes, a good idea for the greater good of bad” “maybe it seems good from your bad perception but from a good perception it’s just plain bad” “oh you don’t know what’s good for bad”

39. Ollo? Oh, hello

40. “I’m just yelling at my…..mother’s urn”

41. Megamind and Minion just saying “code” before things that aren’t in code. This movie is so good with its running gags, they don’t feel like “oh haha they used that joke again!” they feel like inside jokes between the characters I love it

42. Megamind fighting himself as Bernard while complimenting himself, COMEDY GOLD

43. The various occurrences of random life-altering things happening on a whim to the wrong people, like Hal getting the superpowers and earlier Metro Man being molded into a hero and Megamind landing in prison as a baby

44. The forget me stick

45. Space Dad and Space Stepmom

46. Every character Megamind inhabits always retains Megamind’s eyes

47. MR BLUE SKY PLAYING OVER HAL’S DISASTROUS TRAINING SEQUENCE AND THE FALLING IN LOVE SEQUENCE THAT INCLUDES DONKEY KONG AND MEGAMIND WEIRDLY TEXTING ON A FLIP PHONE (gotgv2 who? Don’t know her)

48. Roxanne’s positive influence making Megamind genuinely want to make the city better uwu

49. ROXANNE AND METRO MAN WERE NEVER A COUPLE! Lovely trope subversion

50. Tropes in this movie in general are so fun. This isn’t some uninspired genre parody. They don’t just subvert tropes in the exact way that you’d expect. I feel like the way that this movie plays with the superhero genre often feels unique and creative

51. Bernard’s character design kind of slaps tbh. The turtleneck, the hair, the glasses, all very nice

52. When Hal calls Roxanne “a really good looking one I’ve got my eye on” like she’s meat or something as opposed to Megamind valuing her personality…..makes ya think u know

53. T h e  b l a c k  m a m b a a a a a

54. “Maybe I don’t want to be the bad guy anymore!” and Megamind & Minion’s subsequent falling out that served as a precursor to the disastrous date with Roxanne- it happens pretty much exactly halfway through the movie. Some people look down upon following structure to a T, but sometimes it’s satisfying when a movie perfectly follows structure and this movie’s structure is flawless

55. “Good luck on your date” “I will” “That doesn’t even make any sense” “I know”

56. Right after fighting w Minion when Megamind looks in a cracked mirror and frowns at his reflection but then changes into someone else, into Bernard, and then smiles? THE CINNAMON TOGROPHY, THE STORYTELLING

57. When Hal is just an incel whose feeling of entitlement is framed as disgusting and he’s not supposed to be sympathetic and Roxanne’s rejection of him is not framed as evil but rather completely justified? VERY epic of them, this movie would have SMASHED the pop culture scene if it came out today

58. The GRAVITY of the part when Roxanne accidentally reveals Megamind in the restaurant is so powerful that I can STILL barely watch it even though I’ve seen it so many times

59. The part that immediately follows where Roxanne shuts down Megamind is SO well done. Roxanne is giving out some harsh words to our dear protagonist, but she is not framed as the bad guy. The great thing about this scene is that they let Roxanne call out Megamind on how he’s been a jerk and she gets to be RIGHT. How very cash money of them! The emotion here isn’t anger at Roxanne because she’s ~being mean~ to Megamind. It’s a sting over the fact that she’s right, and the heartbreak over the dramatic irony of us knowing that Megamind is becoming a better person and Roxanne having no idea. Now Megamind is left with a decision that will show who he truly is on the inside: he could either retreat back into safe, evil ways for the rest of time because it’s easier to be bad because then no one expects anything from him and rejection is easier to handle, or he could ultimately choose to grow from this and recognize how he was wrong and how he has to change. The execution of this midpoint is exemplary.

60. “Do you really think I’d ever be with you?” “....no” the delivery of those lines is so good

61. “You were right! I was….less right!”

62. The Black Mamba is a god tier costume and the fact that it has its own theme song in the score makes it at least 6x better

63. WHEN BACK IN BLACK KICKS IN YEAAAHHHH (Iron Man who? Don’t know her) (Iron Man was already out at this point but how fun is it that this movie used TWO iconic mcu songs)

64. Megamind in the giant suit playing with cars

65. Hal SUCKS I love how much the movie wants you to hate him

66. The difference between Megamind and Hal/Titan/Tighten is so interesting to watch. How Megamind is the self-proclaimed “bad guy” but he’s not even out to do serious damage & it’s just a game to him, while Hal is out for blood but was created to be a hero

67. “Now it’s time for witty banter” “AAAAAAAAA” “I’m not really sure where to go with that”

68. “I’M CALLING A TIME OUT”

69. Twisting the Kryptonite trope by having Metro Man make up the copper weakness

70. “Does he have a hideout? A cave? A solitary fortress?” lol I understood that reference

71. “OW! MY GIANT BLUE HEAD!”

72. Metro Man’s confession scene is so good. Really, how often do you get a hero who feels that he was forced into being a hero? That’s usually a villain trope. Does the hero ever realize he doesn’t want to be a hero….and actually quit FOR GOOD? Again, the trope subversion is awesome

73. “I have eyes that can see right through leaaaaaaaad” that’s my favorite song

74. “You left the city to HIM! No offense” “no I’m with you”

75. “There’s a yin for every yang. If there’s bad, good will rise up against it.”

76. “I say we just go all GANGSTA on him” ms tina fey i would die for you

77. Megamind turns himself in to the police, the fact that he willingly submits himself to the punishment of being a villain at this point is a lovely and stirring way of showing the sense of justice he has deep down and showing his character development

78. When Roxanne gives Megamind a desperate & compassionate pep talk over live tv no matter what it means for her reputation :*))

79. When Megamind has 88 life sentences

80. “I. Am. Sorry!” *dramatically slides down door*

81. Megamind’s heartfelt and regretful admission of all his mistakes that brings his character arc to a head? Lovely

82. “Good luck” “WE’RE GONNA D I E! Hahahaha!”

83. “There is no Easter bunny, there is no tooth fairy, and there is no queen of England.”

84. MEGAMIND’S EPIC ENTRANCE BY COMING OUT OF HIS OWN MOUTH

85. “Oh you’re a villain alright. Just not a super one.” “Oh yeah? What’s the difference?”

86. P R E S E N T A T I O N

87. METRO MAN THUNDER CALVES

88. Again with the green eyes continuity! Love that!

89. “Going somewhere? Besides jail?” *flies in a fancy pose*

90. When Megamind is ready to let everyone think Metro Man is back but Roxanne wants to see the real hero :*))

91. “This is the last time you make a fool out of me!” “I made you a hero, you did the fool thing all by yourself” SICK BURN

92. “There’s a benefit to losing. You get to learn from your mistakes”

93. WHEN THE DEHYDRATION GUN COMES IN CLUTCH

94. Minion being a drama queen lol comedy peaked in 2010

95. Minion’s Little Face

96. “GET BACK YOU SAVAGES” “Sorry he’s just not used to positive feedback!”

97. “Destiny is not the path given to us but the path we choose for ourselves”

98. When Megamind gets to parallel Metro Man’s entrance from the beginning of the movie and everyone cheers for him :*)) and he adds his own fun little twist by making a villain joke

99. “Megamind, defender of Metro City” “you know? I like the sound of that!”

100. Name a better villain to hero story. YOU CANNOT. Cinematic excellence. I am never disappointed.

Survey #255

“who gives a fuck if they hate you; you’re the god that they pray to.”

How many pillows do you sleep with? Two. Could you go a day not talking to the last person you kissed? It would suck. What was the last song you listened to that made you cry? I didn't like, sob, but "Another Life" by Motionless In White does it. Your ex REALLY needs you at 3am and you have a way to their house would you go? Well, I can't with Sara considering she lives two hours away, and that's by plane. If she lived here, duh. For Girt or Jason, yes. Without saying any names what is one thing that you would like to say to someone(s)? I'm sorry. Would your parents get mad if you got drunk while they were present? No. Would you date someone who lived in another state? Eh, maybe. I don't know if I want to do long-distance again. I mean I probably would, but idk. Are you friends with your ex? Sara and Girt, yes. Who is the person you last texted? Sara. When’s the last time you told people you were fine, but really weren’t? I dunno, I honestly don't lie about that often. When was the last time you wanted to punch someone in their face? Months back when I found out the shit my therapist said about me and disability. Not only did I want to knock her jaw off, but I sobbed for like, a long-ass time. Who did you spend your summer with last year? Just Mom, really. ... Or wait, maybe that was the summer Sara was here??? My memory is such shit, idk if that was last year or the one before. What’s bothering you right now? Stress about dropping out. Have you lost friends in the past year? I don't think so, at least. Have you and the last person you kissed ever talked about going out? We did date. If the person you’re dating said they were falling in love with you, what would you do? I'm not dating anyone. Who was the last person you were in love with for more than a year? Sara. Do you have a secret life? RP stays a pretty big secret. Have you ever seen the last person you kissed without a shirt? Yes. Do your parents know EVERYTHING about you? No. What are you watching? Nothing rn, surprisingly. I'm listening to music. Are you friends with your best friend’s boyfriend or girlfriend? She's single. Don’t tell me lies, is the last person you texted attractive? Yeah. There’s a serial killer in your house, what do you do? Jump out the window. If the last person you kissed went back to their first love, what would you do? I think I am hers. Do you own any bug spray? No, not currently. We need some damn wasp killer. Every spring/summer, they build a nest literally right above our back door. Are you a good gift giver? Honestly think I'm really good at it. I always try to put a load of thought into it. What's the longest trip you’ve ever been on? The drives to either NY or Florida. I can't remember which is further. Are you a daughter or son-in-law? No. Do you know anyone in the military? Multiple people. Do you like your significant other's siblings? N/A Have you ever received a singing birthday card? Yeah. Those always suck when you open them and boom, loud singing to an obnoxious song. Do you own anything made by APPLE? My iPod. Have you ever tried Hamburger helper? Yeah, that was a semi-frequent dinner as a kid. I never liked it that much, though. What was your first car's color? N/A Do you have a best friend? Ye. Do you remember who your Kindergarten teacher was? I do. Do you have a favorite president? A least favorite? No, considering I don't know enough about any and their policies. Can you french braid? No. Were you ever a girl scout or a boy scout? I was as a tiny kid. I met my first best friend that way. What's your least favorite color? I'm just gonna use the very basic colors: yellow or green. Do you know anyone in jail? Not currently. Do you have kids? Ew. What's the strangest name you’ve ever heard? Apples. Yes. I'm serious. How old were you when you learned to walk? Idk. Do you own anything made of lace? Yeah. What's your favorite football team? Idc. What kind of bubble gum do you chew? Just about any. Fruity is my favorite. Do you wear a one-piece bathing suit or two-piece, a speedo or trunks? NOBODY needs to see me in a two-piece. Did you go to your senior prom? Yes. Do you support a charity? Well of course. I used to give coins to those super-old charity things for sick kids back in the day, but I can't remember the exact charity it was. I also donated hair to Children With Hair Loss a couple years back. I haven't donated to any other that I know of bc no personal income and I don't ask my parents for money really, but boy have I wanted to. I always use that Facebook feature where you pick a charity to share and ask for donations for your birthday, though; I've done the Trevor Project and one for pancreatic cancer in honor of my grandmother. I don't remember the others. Do you pop your knuckles? EW no please don't in my presence @ Sara. Do you scrapbook? No. I just don't have the creative drive and dedication to. If you could change your eye color would you and to what color? A much brighter blue. Have you ever had braces? For a long-ass time because we couldn't afford to take them off. One tooth is pushed too far back because of it. Imagine your dream home, does it have a fence around it? No. I want to live in the woods where *that's* my yard. When were you the saddest in your whole life? 2016 OH WOWIE WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Have you ever seen a ghost? I definitely believe I have. Are you a virgin? No. How many books do you read a month? I like, just started reading again, so I can't say. Can you type fast? Very. In school were you bullied? I'm extremely thankful I wasn't. Have you ever swam in the ocean? Yes, I love it. Do you own a boat? Not me myself, no. Dad does. What about a camper? No. Do you read the newspaper? No. Are you on any teams? Team Mystic in Pokemon Go *waggles fist @ criticism* If you died today where do you think you’d go? Idk. Who really knows what happens when you die. I hope it's some serene existence, but, *shrugs*. Do you know anyone who is pregnant? Ummmm I don't think so. Who is the first contact in your cell phone? Best friend! :') What color are you bed sheets? The one I'm using now is light blue. Do you use online dating? I cannot FUCKING believe I was briefly on Christian Mingle I would actually rather die- How often are you sick? Extremely rarely. Did/Do you miss a lot of school? Eh. I had my mental health days and had to leave early a lot. Do you like scented candles? Yeah man. When was the last time you were told you were pretty/beautiful/gorgeous? When I recently changed my FB picture after forever. Do you hate the last guy, other than family, you had a conversation with? No. What’s the last thing that made you laugh? Roman being silly. If someone were to ask you out right now would you say yes? I don't know. Do you have a secret that you’ve never told anyone? Yeah. Name four things you want right now: My fucking tattoo updated laksjdlflw, a healthy goddamn weight, my laptop, and a tarantula omg. Do you prefer to hold or be held? I mean, it depends on who we're talking about. I guess generally held? Are you currently wanting any piercings? You have no idea. Are you afraid of falling in love? Very. What was the last thing that made you feel like your life was complete? lol I've never felt that. You ever slept on the floor with someone you liked? Yeah. Do you still speak to any of your classmates from elementary school? Off the very top of my head, no. Does it take a lot to make you cry? NOPE. What is the wallpaper on your computer screen? Why did you choose it? One of my favorite pictures of Teddy, because I adore and miss him. Is there a pattern on the pants you’re currently wearing? Which one? Plaid. Do you like going to baby showers? Do you go only for the cake? I mean, not especially. They're crowded and it's a bad association anyway since it was the last time I hung out with Jason. The cake is indeed the best part, lmao. Mexican food, Chinese food, Italian food, French food or American food? American. What is the color scheme of your absolute favorite fast-food restaurant? Red, yellow, and blue. Do people ever ask you to do things they’re too short to accomplish? Very rarely. I'm not all that tall. Is there carpet or hardwood floor in your bedroom? Carpet. Do you believe in superstitious things such as breaking a mirror? No. Do you get sick of people who call themselves bipolar all the time? As someone who is bipolar, very much so, yes. Ever have an ultra-sound performed on you? What was it for? Yes, for my liver. I was fine. Do you like those "end of the world," "Armageddon" movies? Not especially. Ever been choked severely on something during lunch at your school? No. Do you remember who you sat next to in Kindergarten? Who was it? No. Has anyone ever compared you to an animal? Which one(s)? No. Do you eat more vegetables or fruits? What’s your favorite fruit/veggie? Fruits, by far. Strawberries and broccoli. Something on the human body that grosses you out the most: This is not intentional or meant to be discriminatory of those with 'em, but penises literally repulse me visually. Do you like meeting new people? What’s your most common greeting? Yeah, even though I'm scared. I think I say "hi" or "hey" most. What is something that bothers you about most surveys in general? Extremely heteronormative. Would you survive if zombies were to take over the world? Why or why not? HA no. I'm an anxious mess that is not fast or nimble in any way. What is your favorite color of apple? Red, green or yellow? I like the reddish/yellowish ones. Do you live anywhere near a mall? Maybe like, 15-20 mins away. If you were dying who would you say goodbye to first out of everyone? My mom. Are you someone who actually likes to babysit children? NO. What’s your favorite lunch meat, if you even like any in the first place? Honey ham. Would you rather write with a pen or a pencil? Why is this? Pencil, by far. You can erase. Scibbling stuff out looks messy. Have you ever wanted to be in a band? What position exactly? I am NOT kidding: one of the motivating factors of me going back to public school after 8th grade was the idea of making new friends and maybe making a band to be the guitarist lmfao. Who is your role model or hero in life if you have one? I have multiple for different reasons, but #1's gotta be Mark, man. Were you a really mean kid or a sweet and quiet kid? I was a really friendly kiddo. Do you keep secrets from your parents that you don’t keep from your friends? I don't think so. What is your father’s best friend’s name? Do you know them personally? Idk who that would be. Ever submit a video to America’s Funniest Home Videos? I don't believe we have. The most painful medical procedure you’ve ever had? Jesus fuck, I wouldn't wish having an infected cyst drained without NEARLY enough numbing medication on the goddamn devil. Are you someone who likes to eat Poptarts? What’s your favorite flavor? Yeah. I like the chocolate sundae one most. Ever have a dream you’re being abducted by aliens? Was it scary? No. What is your favorite flavor of Doritos? What do you drink with them? MMMMMMMMMMM cool ranch. Usually soda with chips. What is your favorite nickname you like to be called? Why do you like it? Ozzy. *shrugs* I like my online nickname and the "y" added sounds kinda affectionate ig. Do you already have your outfit for tomorrow planned out? I don’t plan my outfits. Has your favorite song ever been featured on a commercial? No. What would you say was the best year of your life? Why? 2017. SO MUCH DEVELOPMENT AND HEALING!!!!!!! Have you ever been pulled over by the cops for speeding? No. Is anyone in your family a firefighter? Who is it anyway? No.

How do you feel about the main trio in attack on titan?

They’ll all get their separate explainations

Spoilers ahead

Armin Alert

I haven’t even finished season 3, but I gotta admit I didn’t care about him in the beginning, but now I’ll say he’s become something more.

His whole family was fed propaganda their whole lives, didn’t join the scouts (until forced to) to see the outside world, and got killed off but still tried to escape. I’m pretty sure somewhere confirmed that the couple who made a hot air ballon was Armin’s parents and they were killed. That’s a shit ton interesting and I see parallels with Erwin with that considering his dad knew he truth and wasn’t entirely sure of it. I could be wrong about that but bear with me.

Even after everything the guy has gone through he can still see through the dust.

I’m glad Armin hasn’t been killed off (yet) because I really wanted him to go to the sea. I feel awful that he’s a titan now because I’m sure he hasn’t even killed one, but has killed a person or two. The poor guy had to throw away his morals to continue going further. Everyone was calling him a weaklin with brains, but holy hell hes far from it. Throws always his morals to save Jean, sacrifices him self, becomes a titan against his will, stood up to bullies as a kid, and always came up with a good enough plan. I’m glad he does catch a break and gets to see the ocean.

Why I didn’t like him the beginning was because to me he was best friend role to flesh out Eren’s character more. Eren saves Armin from bullies, Eren sacrifices his life to save Armin, Armin makes a plan so Eren can save the day. But once we got to see Armin save Eren a couple times, and actually be separated from Eren, he got development and was actually a likeable character.

More spoilers, I’m glad he’s not the character to flesh eren out more too because he stands up for Mikasa when Eren says he’s always hated her. I’m glad Armin isn’t loyal to one person only.

Mikasa Ackerman

The should have been protagonist...I’m kidding. To me Mikasa is a million times more interesting than Eren. She’s number one of her class, one reason she joined the military was to protect eren and Armin two people she’s loves, and I can believe she has flaws too, she’s not the “I’m perfect I just don’t have emotions” thing I thought she was gonna have

How she’s not perfect? How she has emotions? She does have an immature side like any teen should have, getting flustered when people are teasing her for loving Eren. She even makes a joke about Sasha farting. She tells Historia to punch Levi when she becomes queen. Mikasa is pretty cool for those little things. She grieves when she thinks Eren died. She even calls herself a whole army when everyone is ready to give up, and even had the best lines. “Tough shit”. Her confession to Eren even gets cut off because he keeps either missing the point or just doesn’t want their relationship to change. I know Eren doesn’t have romantic feelings for her so if he had to reject her I bet things would just feel hella awkward.

That’s not even all of Mikasa. Both of her parents are from clans that aren’t affect by royal blood. That worried me at first cause I was scared they would do the same thing to her as to Historia, but then we learned most the world isn’t affect by he king anyway. That’s still cool backstory I wish we could get more on.

Like we all thought Mikasa was just gonna be “I love eren and must protect him” and that was just gonna be it for her character. Her character was used to flesh Eren some more to say he’s average, but if the main focus was on Mikasa it would be about a strong girl who keeps getting rejected but is hella strong and doesn’t let that get her down.

Eren....not my favorite

Eren first of all had that basic anima portag design of dark hair and green eyes, but I’ll let that off the hook now just it works for the setting of the anime. I just remember when I first started watching AOT that design was used for the more colorful animes while the main protagonist looked like that.

Eren starts out of this kid who has a dream wanting to go outside the walls, and has a inferior complex towards Mikasa and loves his buddy Armin. Then his mom gets eaten and wants to declare all titans expiration dates.

Eren was chose to be the main character because he was average and did struggle to the middle best spot when joining the military (shocker) but I gotta say every character in the top ten except Marco is probably more interesting than eren

Mikasa and Armin are already explained

Historia long lost heir (we all thought she was weak but turns out she’s the real suicidal maniac who finds her purpose to moving forwards after losing her lover)

Ymir was a cult goddess who accidentally got the power of the titans and started living her life raw and real and ready to steal, her stone heart softens when she’s with those she cares about (not just Historia, but she also tried helping Connie and Sasha separately)

Annie- a foil of Mikasa, another person to flesh Eren out more to show him he even sucks as a titan shifter, but still had father issues. Not only that but I want to know if she’s gonna come back, I wanted to know if she was ready to live as an MP forever? What made her stay the MP and Bertholdt and Reiner become scots? How was their way of communicating?

Reiner- the warrior that wasn’t even suppose to be one. Has a dad that hates him and a mom that I think loves him and is glad her son can be used to ride her ranks up in life. He suffers from split personality disorder, watched someone die for him, and even adopt those traits from dead Marcel. He even goes for a kidnap plan that’s half asses and still manage to live. Now he’s a veteran with ptsd

Bertholt-literally the rock to Reiner. Became a warrior to help out his dad. Wanted to be forgotten but becomes the god of destruction.

Jean- also has a inferior complex towards Eren, but is used as comic relief, his crush on Mikasa starts out as that too but becomes unconditional and not creepy which actually makes me happy. I forgot where he’s from but I’m pretty sure it was Trost or some district meaning he had a similar childhood of erens and his trio but he was actually nice to his mom. Jean struggles with killing people and wants to be better too, but everyone reminds him that it’s okay. His character starts out as a douche but ends up being a decent leader type.

Sasha- didn’t find her interest until learning about her past. She lived in the woods and started out as someone who hated outsiders, but learned compassion while in the military. It would have been interesting to see the change of letting the forest change to towns. Her backstory added a new element of people of the forest and how the five years changed that. Sasha also had weird girl vibes and special talents of hunting and instincts.

Connie-similar to why Sasha is interesting, but also his town turned into titans and he lived to see the change. He also was actually funny and kinda the little bro of the group.

Back to eren.

Eren grows up talking shit that he later can’t take (I’m gonna kill all the titans but if it wasn’t for my titan power I didn’t know about I would have been dead) then later actually barely survives. He managed to work with a broken belt to stay in the military, Yeah for small victories.

His dad turns him into a titan. Which is the only reason he’s alive. I feel like if Eren didn’t have his titan ability it would be hard to make him the protagonist because not literally nothing would make him special. If the show was just about becoming a scout, eren would be dead.

During the Trost event he was okay, I just didn’t like how they kept showing how much he didn’t like Mikasa. He wanted to protect Armin but can’t handle Mikasa wanting to protect him, the #1 in the class. When he found out he hurt Mikasa he got some points back for showing remorse.

Their expedition arc fighting on pure rage sure whatever

Annie vs Eren arc

So it’s fine that he refused to believe Annie was the titan because it’s shocking to find out one of your classmates is doing “evil” things. I also thought he might have had feelings for her since Annie is a foil to Mikasa, but maybe not really, maybe it was just “why would Annie wanna help me in our training days if she knew one day she had to take us down?”

They changed the fight in the anime from Manga to make eren look stronger which actually made me like it more because I wanted to see a desperate Annie after everyone she’s killed, and I wanted to see if Eren has grown more.

After all the season one stuff the thing I didn’t like the most was people shipping Levi and Eren together as hard as they did. Levi is in his 30s and eren is 15/18 (idk still young) and id have to read people defend it to the death. Those two characters are good separately and I saw their interactions as brotherly at best. Levi does care for Eren, no doubt, and Eren thinks the world of Levi, but I don’t want romance. I see it as “my big brother is so cool” and Levi is like “I’ll kick your ass if you walk by my room, but you need to learn how to clean up your shit”

Season 2

Wow we’re learning about the other character who gasp are more interesting?? So cool. It kinda made me forget eren and when he got his first kill I was like “leave! Go back to Ymir”

Ymir was even used to flesh out Erens character more to say wow eren really does suck at using his titan power. She even almost died and that’s when we got to see him focus on her

When he was informed about Bertholt and Reiner, he shouldn’t have fought as hard as he did for them especially since he just fought Annie. They even said Annie was from Reiner and Bert’s town how is he surprised?? Cause Reiner is nice?? Boy we’ve learned that there are people living inside the walls who wanna do mean things!!!

The kidnapping fight eh

After the fight while they’re in the trees was a little annoying on Eren’s part because he should have made fun of their kidnapping proposal at least once but instead it was fake trying to be nice for 3 seconds cause he can’t hold it together, and screaming. The voice actor is good, I just found eren annoying. He could only think what’s in front of him.

Rescued I don’t really have much to say abkjt his character

Season 3

Glad he showed some concern for Mikasa. Saw that he’s adopting Levi’s values. But still kinda hard to like him.

Gets kidnapped again with Historia

I didn’t really like all the self pity he had because he should value himself just enough to know he’s got 1 special thing about him and treating himself like shit isn’t gonna make things better. Historia can see through her dads shit, again Eren can’t. Eren does not have a bs detector

Rod Reiss fight

Cool he can use his titan form better, and we can see the seeds he might like Historia, which I don’t like. This girl loses her girlfriend, kills her father, and now he likes her? For the struggles she accomplished? When all he found out was he’s wrong about her? I know that’s not canon yet, but I don’t like that he’s now closer with Historia after everything as we never saw them together season1 and now there’s a theory he’s the real father of her child and she just looks hella depressed.he also wants to make sure she’s not in danger which is good, but I hate how they’re getting pushed together. I just want Historia to find a little happiness.

Fight with the beast titan aka where so many people die

Devasting and I wish it wasn’t all cliche during his fight with Bert. Saving Armin last second, having that fight with Levi who gets to live. The talk with him and Zeke really didn’t make me feel anything. If it was Annie in Eren’s shoes, Armin wouldn’t have crisp up as much as he did. My source is her arc

I just really didn’t like his character and found everyone else more interesting except Marco because he didn’t really get much development. Eren wallowed in self pity yet refused help from capable Mikasa and continued to treat her badly because he felt inferior to her.

CHASTANTINE

thank you friend.

Gives nose/forehead kisses: um Chas is the obvious answer (if only bc John couldn’t reach his nose/forehead w/o the #kissingstool) but I also think that when Chas is asleep and John’s feeling particularly affectionate but not willing to show it he might do a forehead smooch. w/e w/e I just think it’d be cute. 

Gets jealous the most JOHN. Like, obviously. Maybe when they were younger Chas got jealous but by now he knows John too well and isn’t going to expend the energy on being jealous. Esp bc I bet John would try to make him jealous for the attention and he’s not going to reward bad behavior. 

Picks the other up from the bar when they’re too drunk to drive: I mean canonically:

But also I’m dying at the potential of it being the other way around like, John can’t drive, but if Chas were drunk, would he try? Would he try and catch another cab and drag Chas home? Would he end up making Chas pay for that too bc John doesn’t like, carry money? The potential for disaster delights me – any time John tries to do something decent it goes so badly, he’d probably end up hailing like a haunted serial killer cab or something and then the night ends with Chas dying, again, and at that point like you might as well have just left him at the bar, John.

Takes care of on sick days: I’m soft so obviously I like to imagine when John is sick (even just like having a bad mental health day, not uncommonly) that Chas goes full mother hen, but I imagine that’s when John sends him off to Brooklyn so he won’t be around to do it, and it’s all very tragic but sometimes Chas picks up on it and comes home early and rolls his eyes at John for being such a disaster but makes him dinner and tries to be comforting.

Drags the other person out into the water on beach day Oh god neither but I feel like more likely John, just to be a little shit. Like in the early days John dragged him to some shitty Atlantic Ocean beach when the water was freezing and gross (idk, Blackpool? Coney Island? Same dif?) and made Chas go out into it, on like the one weekend they hung out where John wasn’t hung over. 

Gives unprompted massages They’re both pretty touchy but I think Chas – like John is sitting all hunched over like an idiot and Chas just really thoughtlessly gives him a shoulder rub while checking in on how he’s doing/if he’s hungry/w/e. When Chas does it it’s without agendal but if John tries it’s foreplay, so. 

Drives/rides shotgun: Chas obviously drives, always, and gets super nervous when John, for whatever reason, ends up having to, but I’m still delighted by (and may still write, idk) a thing where Chas tried to teach him to drive (WHO ELSE WOULD, in any canon honestly) and it was such a disaster they’re both forever scarred by it.

Brings the other lunch at work: lol at John having “work” but again probably Chas. At best maybe John gets some takeaway, calls Chas to come pick him up somewhere, and offers him chips from the backseat. (Chas has a NO EATING IN THE CAB rule but like - c’mon).

Has the better parental relationship: LMFAO. I mean honestly TECHNICALLY John because at least his dad is (usually, tho it depends on the canons) still alive. Also per my recollection Thomas Constantine mellows A LITTLE (like Gemma seems to have fondish memories of him as a grandfather) so they might at least be on speaking terms. I actually don’t remember if he’s still alive in the show canon but I think yes?

Tries to start role-playing in bed: oh BOY.  Well probably John lbr but also imagine a scenario where Chas, thinking that John wants a little more ~spice~ in their love life, bc he assumes John’s more kinky/misses doing that kind of thing, awkwardly puts some scenarios out. And John’s like ok sure let’s go with that but Chas is too embarrassed about it to commit, OR IS HE? 

Embarrassingly drunk dancer: Both, but for different reasons – John does the punk jumping/flailing nonsense but Chas is like, a white dad. I mean like it’s possible that bc he’s a bigger guy Chas has like, more awareness of his body and how to move it in a dancing sphere but also: lol no. 

Still cries watching Titanic: I can’t imagine either of them watching Titanic except to make fun of it – if nothing else it’s TOO LONG and I have trouble picturing John being patient enough for that. But I think they do watch movies (John’s weirdly up on pop culture in the comics at least – like he references Star Wars/Trek and Doctor Who and This is Spinal Tap, because JOHN CONSTANTINE IS A NERD. 

Firmly believes in couples costumes: I wanna say Chas only bc I think it’s a very Brooklyn Hipster thing to do clever couples costumes (like, puns) that take A LOT of explaining and John’s like WHY THIS but Chas is like I ASK LITERALLY ONE THING OF YOU, EVER. As an aside I also imagine Chas makes the costumes (he definitely makes Geraldine’s) bc he’s handy like that. 

Breaks the expensive gift rule during Christmas: Honestly bc Chas actually has to earn his money, I think it’d be John, because he saw something nice Chas would like and like, “liberated” it. Chas is like ‘you tried so I’m not even going to ask where you got this, thank you.’

Makes the other eat breakfast: Chas usually but John apparently does like to make breakfast for his partners so when John’s in a good mood and Chas is like, willing to indulge it and eat a lot of carbs, it’s John.

Remembers anniversaries: I think both but neither of them bring it up bc what if the other didn’t remember??? They don’t want to make it weird. (but Chas is more introspective than usually kinda just being like ‘wow have I really been doing this casual unspoken maybe FWB/maybe something else thing with John for this long?? should i stop?’ but then John’s especially sweet that day bc he remember too and idk Chas is like ‘no never mind this is fine’. I mean is it tho????? who knows. Anyway they have a secret anniversary fuck and John gives him a sweet forehead kiss once he thinks Chas is asleep. #callbacks).  

Brings up having kids: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH. (my horribly sappy headcanon for this is that when they were younger (pre-Renee obviously) and doing the casual WE’RE JUST FRIENDS WHO MAKE OUT SOMETIMES thing, edging toward Legit Dating, Chas floated the idea of kids not being so bad, maybe, one day, who knows, NEVER MIND and John was like, oh no. Or else John was having some drama with his sister/his niece and/or his own father and was like ‘ugh who’d ever want to have kids, like the world needs any more needy shitty bastards in it’ and it was Chas who was like, oh no. And/or John noticed Chas wanted kids and realized that’s something he’d never be comfortable dealing with, so he did his One Decent Thing of the year and broke up with Chas over it, but in the least mature way possible, ie, cheating on Chas or saying the whole thing was getting too boring for him.)

Send a ship and I’ll tell you who:

Chances and Opportunities(1)

length: 3000 words

summary: 

Baz and Simon could run away, leap across the ocean and still find a way to share a room(even if they don’t do it on purpose). Because how lucky had they been until now? Had leave everything behind but each other(and Penny).

From the outside though, they caught Cath attention because they just...remind her to someone.

triggers/warning: only swearing, for now,

a/n: me? posting after months of creative death by college? more likely than you think.

that summary though...idk i am not sure i love it. but that’s all I got for now.  i’ve had the idea of this crossover for so long...and it’s been a while so i thought it was a good opportunity. anyway, i hope this is fine, and you enjoy the story! Slow start but it’s just the start.

A03

2d part-->

***

“Cath, sweetheart you can’t stalk people.” Cath turned to Levi, he was laughing softly with a shine over his eyes, sitting next to her under the tree.

She wondered if she had the same shine in her eyes if she looked at him the same way he did at her. It took her at least two months to recognize that. She thought that in Levi’s sight everyone was special, in the way he smiled and the way he talked to everyone. It was weird, now she could see that maybe not. Maybe because Wren kept telling her over and over again during the 6 months they’ve been dating.

“Who are they?” Levi finally asked, reaching for Cath’s shoulder.

“I don’t know.” He stared at her confused. “I mean, they are freshman. Reagan and I have seen them in the dining hall.”

“So?” He run his hands through his hair and lay back on to the tree(Levy always look like he was laying on something, even if he wasn’t). “You do that a lot.”

“It just that they called my attention,” Cath didn’t really know what she was trying to describe or say. “It’s not important.” She turned her attention to the smiling boy. “How is your day going?”

And that’s all it took for Levi to smile even bigger, she didn’t quite understand yet how that was possible, it was always a surprise when it did. He started talking about something new and exciting he saw in class. So Cath listened, like she always did because from his mouth it did seem exciting.

***

Simon took a deep breath. He had to have the worse luck in the fucking world. He literally flew over the ocean and he had to deal with this shit again. What had he done in his past life to deserve this?

This had to be the epidemy of his bad luck after been left in an orphanage -or maybe that was the start and his whole life was just an extension of that.

Baz turned around, but Simon followed him inside the building.

He thought about living with Penny, and that would’ve been fine. She hadn’t moved in with Micah right away, she wanted to give herself time. Maybe they could’ve have looked for a place between both of their colleges, adapt to use public transportation. Maybe not ideal but fine, he would’ve been with Penny.

Baz…he was less than fine.

“Would you be so kind as to leave me alone, Snow?” Baz snickered, “It’s already enough punishment to have to sleep in the same room with you…again…” He sounded as tired as Simon felt.

They weren’t walking next to each other -because that would break an imaginary rule. Simon was walking behind him, just far enough to not cross that imaginary line in their head, but close enough to hear each other.  “I would if only I didn’t have to go the same place as you.”

“Again.” They announced in perfect unison. They stared each other almost deadly.

Thank goodness they didn’t have classes together. Baz was studying Economy and Simon was only taking general curses, even if Baz had to take them as well he was sure as hell that even for the universes that would’ve been excessive.

***

His first class was English.

Professor Piper was welcoming and funny. “This semester is going to be a learning experience for all us,” She clapped loudly and smiled excited, “You see kids, this is my first year giving this course.” She walked around the room, making eye contact even with the students in the back. Simon wasn’t an exception, he was in the middle. “I’m excited to see all the potential in this class. And maybe just maybe,” She stop walking and smile almost maliciously, “I might see some of you if that’s the path you wish to take, the next semester in my other class.”

But Simon was no longer listening. He was looking at the window by then. Wondering and pondering on the differences between Watford, of London and here. There were trees where there wasn’t before, paths where there weren’t before, people that weren’t before.

Full places, things and people he didn’t know.

Boom.

A hand landed loudly on his table. Making Simon jump in surprise

He looked up to find curious eyes, Simon jumped. “What’s your name sweetie?”

“Simon.” He gulped nervously even when she didn’t sound angry.

“Simon.” She smiled, and stated his name loud and clear, like she was memorizing it, “I am particularly excited to see what worlds you create.”

Her smile was weirdly intimidating like you don’t want let her down. “Why?”

“If you can entertain yourself with what’s on your head, it must be an interesting place.” And with that, she started talking to the class again.

This time Simon tried to focus on her.

***

Simon threw himself onto the bed. It had been only a week, it didn’t quite feel right to call his just yet.

“Why don’t you ask for a change?” He looked at the bed on the other side of the room.

“I don’t know how Penny,” He thought that maybe she would know.

He sighed, and looked around, away from the computer resting on the edge of his bed.  Baz had already put things into their place; Simon had done it a day before Baz came. Their room back at Watford was similar, smaller in size but it’s not like Simon a lot in the first place and Baz was organized enough to fit everything in place. It almost felt like their room back home. Almost.

He returned his attention to Penny. He looked at her sigh, he couldn’t read her expression in the bad quality of the phone but he assumed it was tired. Everyone was tired. “Maybe in administration? Maybe there you can do something about this.”

He didn’t. He thought maybe Baz would do it. He knew Baz hated the situation as much as he did. But Baz didn’t either.

So nothing changed. They worked around the other schedule to be in the room. Fight because Baz would complain about the window and Simon would complain about the damn light at night. Baz would mock him. Simon’s face would feel hot and his face was red, his fist and teeth would clench. Baz would smirk, looking taller and better.

Maybe it didn’t matter that they were across the ocean. Because at the end of the day, he would return to his room and Baz would be there with a sharp tong and smart eyes.

***

BAZ

Baz had taken all the classes you are supposed to take on the first semester (even though most upper years recommended freshmen against that), his schedule was almost full. If he wasn’t in classes he would be studying in the library or the room if Snow had classes. Baz was taking general curses to courses related to his major, which meant lot’s of reading, lots of numbers.

This particular Thursday, he was on his way back from planning a project for his Statistics class. He had gone to Lincoln to do so since his partner lived there and she insisted on it. Baz suspected she didn’t know for which team he played. He was tired and annoyed when he laid eyes on the Starbucks on the way. He was already inside by the time it was a complete thought.

He didn’t usually like this type of places, used to the tea on the dining hall back at Watford but he wasn’t at Watford. He wasn’t in London anymore. He deserved this.

He was still deciding on what to drink when he reached the cashier. “Good afternoon, what can I do for you?” He turned to the guy talking to him. He was smiling too brightly for his bitter-tired-self. “First week?” Baz just nod in slight confusion, “Do you like sweet things?” Baz nodded again, and he finally tried to open his mouth to order but the guy talked first, “Perfect then, I know what to give you.” He declared, smiling even wider. He took out a cup and a sharpie, “Your name?”

“Baz,” Baz didn’t know what was happening; maybe another day in which he wasn’t on the border of fatigue he would have said something but today wasn’t that day. The guy turned around and started preparing his drink. “You aren’t from here right?”

“No, England actually.” The guy looked over his shoulder for a second.

“Yeah…could’ve guessed that one…” What does that mean? “Do you like here?”

Baz thought for a second, “Yeah, it’s a lot freer.” The guy finally turned around with a finished drink in his hand.

“College does that,” He said with a sincerity in his tone, “2 dollars, 50”

“Yeah, I guess it does.” Baz half smiled as he paid.

“Enjoy it!” The guy gave him his drink, but Baz wasn’t sure if he was talking about the drink or the advice.

“Thanks.” He simply said.

***

There was a boy in his room.

The wrong boy.

“Who are you?” He looked down at the boy sitting on his desk.

The boy turned up, he had big honey brown eyes, long black eyelashes batting in confusion. “You must be Simon’s roommate.” The boy said after a second.

“Yes.” Baz hadn’t moved from the door, “Who are you?”

“I’m in Simon’s Calculus class.” The boy stood and smiled at Baz, white bright smile against his dark skin(everyone is too happy when you are not). Baz hadn’t thought that Snow would bring his partners to their room.

For fuck’s sake, he had gone to Lincoln to not work in their room.

“Derek, nice to meet you!” Baz just stared at Derek extended hand, Derek followed and realized his mistake. “Oh, yeah…your hands are…yeah…” He noticed the slight color in Derek’s cheeks, but he recovered quickly. “Simon is going be back soon, he just took a pause from explaining to go the bathroom.”

And he left a complete stranger in their room? “Fine.”

Baz was planning to take a nap before, but he wasn’t feeling that tired and now that he remembered he had some reading to do for his History class. Baz walked to his desk(where Derek was so comfortably sitting before), and left the book he had in his hand, took his laptop and the history book.

“Simon told me you are a freshman too, you are in Economics?” Baz didn’t answer, he took a sip of whatever sugary concoction the guy at Starbucks gave him, “I have a friend there too, what a coincidence don’t you think?”

“Fascinating.” With everything at hand, Baz flew out of the room. When he was closing the room again, he stumbled into someone, almost spilling his coffee. “Careful Snow.” He spat, already knowing who it was.

“You were the one that walked into me.” Snow frowned at him.

“I was coming out from our room.” Baz frowned back, “Which by the way you left with a complete stranger inside.”

“I do know him.”

“Oh really?” Baz push his chest out, “What’s his last name?” He dared. Simon opened his mouth to talk but nothing came out. “Yeah, that’s what I thought.”

***

SIMON.

“Everything okay?” Derek asked as soon as Simon came through the door. Simon didn’t mention the fact that Derek now sat on his desk, not Baz’s

“Yeah, my roommate is just a prick.” Simon declared, walking to the chair next to him in Baz’s desk. He could deal later with consequences, now he was just imagining how angry it would make Baz.

Derek rested his elbow on the desk, and his chin over his palm, “Don’t you have been roommates for like 6 years or something crazy like that?”

“Yeah…” Simon sat abruptly on the chair, Derek's eyes on him, and sighed. “This is the seventh year of him being a prick.” That made Derek laughed, so Simon laughed too. Because it was just that kind of laugh.

“Wow…”

“I know.” He said as the laughter died.

 ***

CATH

“Do you want to be my teaching assistant?” Professor Piper smiled wide and excited.

Cath didn’t expect it.  She opend her mouth to answer, nothing but ahhs and mmms came out.

Professor Piper softened her smile, something that Cath could manage better, but only barely. “I don’t expect you to say yes right away Cath.”

“Okay,” she answered out of habit(the habit of not being to say no to middle age women)

“But I do want you to think about it during the semester.” She lay back on the chair, “I know you struggled last time with my class but you decided to enroll on my advance curse so you must want to write.”

Cath awkwardly smiled. Cath wasn’t completely sure why she did it.  Maybe it was like birth for moms. Her brain released some hormone so she forgot how awful it was the first time. Was that fact even true? Oxytocin? Ceroticin? Serotonin? How was it called?

“I am telling you, you know, because you need an excellent grade in my class to have that opportunity.” She knew that. Nick had told her about it so many months ago(freshman months are different, Levi would remind her). “It’s a great opportunity.”

“I know.”

“I want you to succeed Cath,” She wished Professor Piper encouragement voice didn’t make her feel as if Cath couldn’t let her down.

“I know.”

***

SIMON

Professor Piper run into the room, leaving her stuff on the desk quickly, “I’m sorry guys, I got entertain talking to a student.” She smiled apologetically. “Well let’s not lose any more of your precious time.” She declared walking up to the front of the class, “I hope all of you are not nervous about last time report.” Only a couple of people didn’t hum in agreement. Simon wasn’t one of them. It had been a simple report about a short story, it was interesting enough Simon didn’t have that much trouble reading it.

It was curious. Simon always had a hard time getting things done during high school. It was so weird. He had spent all summer preparing to avoid exactly that. He had seen all the organization videos, all the ADHD tips videos, and articles and adjusted his doses of meds with his doctor before leaving (they agreed on talking by Skype every month for a checkup). It was overwhelming but it seemed to be paying off. Maybe it was because only a week and a half had passed but it seemed to be working all together or maybe because there wasn’t another option. Penny wasn’t there to help him anymore.  

Whichever was the case he was kind of proud of the report, and it sure helpped than when Professor Piper gave him the paper she was smiling hopeful. Finally, he turned to his paper and there it was a red big A+ and a happy face.

Simon had never gotten a happy face before.

Neither, a teacher congratulating him at the end of class.

***

“That’s great Simon!” He felt like a kid telling his mom that he got a good grade a class…which he kind of was doing.

He scratched the back of his neck, looking down the wood of the desk, instead of Penny’s face, “Thanks Pen.”

“And how are the rest of your classes going?” She asked with a soft smile.

“Good, I think…” Simon looked away from the computer for a moment before coming back to Penny’s eyes. “I mean better than before.”

“Not that it’s a hard standard to surpass” Baz interrupted as he closed the door behind him.

“Thank you for that incredible contribution Baz,” Simon stated, rolling his eyes.

“Your welcome” He makes a slight bow, and stops for a moment as he walks behind Simon, “Bunce.” He waves to the computer, almost robotically. No real input or effort. Before finishing his trip to his bed, and throw himself face forwards to it.

“Basilton.” Penny waves back in the same manner, “Talk to you later then?”

Simons nods at her and gives her a fond smile, “Say hi to Micah for me”

“Yeah, same,” Baz says loudly from his bed, muffled by the fact that his face it’s still on the pillow.

“Love you Simon.” She says in between a laugh.

“Love you too Penn.” Simon smiled softly at her.

“I love you too guys,” Baz said sarcastically before Simon manages to end the call.

Simon turned to chair to him, and leans forward. Baz looked tired. “You seem in need of love”

BAZ

“And you are going to give it to me Snow?” Baz never even dreamed Snow would ever say that to him(yeah it dripped sarcasm but it did come out of his mouth either way), neither that he would’ve reacted the way he did.

“You wished.” Baz finally lifted his head from the pillow and turned to see Simon walking to his closet. He could see the slight pink rising on Simon’s cheek.

Baz’s heart skipped a beat, and his lungs held into the air without letting it go, “I don’t know Snow, that sounded like a proposal to me,” He was trying to keep up the tone, control the situation. Or at the very least himself.

Simon was walking out the door already, he stopped. He looked over his shoulder and gave a smug smile before talking. “I think you’ve been alone too long Baz.” And maybe he was too tired, delusional even because Simon Snow just winked at him.

prove them wrong

steve harrington x reader

IMPORTANT: read the authors note you guys.

requested:  IDK if there’s a Steve x reader request out there based off of the Nancy “bullshit” lines from season 2, but I’d LOVE a Steve x reader story where reader starts saying everything about their relationship is bullshit and Steve realizes it’s because she has parents going through a divorce so she thinks their relationship is going to fall apart like her parents

warnings: divorce between parents, yelling, parents fighting, fighting, (mental) images of emotional hurt

word count: 895

a/n: so i have personally been there as a young girl for my parents divorce so I tried to write my perspective on this. it’s such a hard thing to deal with and i am so sorry if your parents have gone/are going through this. but i want every single one of you to remember that you are NOT your parents and your spouse/boyfriend/girlfriend/partner/s.o is NOT them either. you are your own person and you CAN choose to learn from their misfortune instead of learn to mistrust. my dad cheated and lied and now i still have a bit of a hard time trusting my boyfriend, who has repeatedly proved to me is a good man and loyal and honest, who has expressed the want to spend literal eternity with me and who treats me like a queen. he is the light of my life and deserves the entire world. he’s my dream come true, my real life prince and he doesnt deserve that and i’m working everday to fix what broken pieces my dad left. i wouldnt wish that on anyone ever. so please, if you would like to talk about it, i’m here and i’ll help to the best of my abilities. you are all strong and please remember YOU ARE NOT THEM. YOUR RELATIONSHIPS ARE NOT MIRRORS OF THEM. TAKE A GOOD LESSON OUT OF THIS. THIS WILL TEACH YOU TO BE STRONGER I PROMISE. best wishes to all of you lovelies <3

  You hold your breath, trying to count to ten. The sounds, the vibrations, the echoes of screams from down the halls. With every yell it shattered your walls and made you realize that this was what everyone was destined for. Damage. Destined for damage. The words played like a mantra in your head.

  And no amount of convincing, you thought, would convince you otherwise.

  Your parents were in the middle of a divorce. It didn’t exactly help when you were in the middle of a loving relationship. With Steve Harrington. King of Hawkins High.   The days grew longer and standing by his side, you felt empty. Like you were now waiting for the two of you to break up like you were bound to like your parents. It’s what it felt like. Your world was breaking to say the least and Steve was about to get the brunt of the storm.   You were in his car, driving down main when he took the turn into the neighborhood. Your neighborhood.    “No, Steve, I don’t want to go home.” You insisted. And he shrugged. “C’mon, you live right here, I can’t just turn around and drive all the way-”   “Steve do not take me home.” You insisted, but he persisted. “Look, Y/N, I don’t see what the big deal is, we went to my house last time.” He said as he pulled into your drive.   You huffed out before getting out of the car. “Just forget it. Go home, Steve.” You said, coldly. “What? Y/N. . .”   “What? You think this matters? Big news, I don’t care. So just go. It’s bullshit anyways. All of this is bullshit.”   You slammed the car door shut but he heard you through his open window. “Just go home. . .   The yelling again. The arguing. It gets louder every night now. Once you tried to stop them. You figured begging on your knees for your father to stop screaming that it would help. They ignored you.   The next day at school you didn’t show. You couldn’t. You were breaking. You drove out of town and stopped in the diner your parents would take you to when you were younger.

  Steve, at school, asked around where you were. Only Sandra was able to answer. “She said she was taking a day off or something.” Steve was dumbfounded and hurt. He called your relationship bullshit and now you’re skipping town? His anger was evident on his face and Sandra saw.   “Hey, calm down. She deserves a break.” She warned and Steve’s expression grew puzzled. “Why?” He asked simply.   “You don’t know? Jeez, I figured you’d know.” She scoffed and popped gum that was in her mouth.   “Well, I don’t so could ya cut the crap an’ tell me?” Steve asked, annoyed and serious. “Fine. Her parents are in the middle of a divorce. People say it’s real bad. Tommy Smith is her neighbor and he says they can hear Mr. and Mrs. Y/L/N yelling at each other every night. Really tearing her apart. She said she needed some time to think.” Sandra told him and his heart sank.   It explained everything. Time to think, he thought to himself. A light bulb went off. The diner! You had talked about it non-stop when he first met you. It’s where you went on your first date with him and you told him it was your peaceful place.   It was maybe five minutes outside of town so without hesitation he grabbed his jacket and took off, ignoring the teachers calls for him to return to class.

  When he arrived you were sitting in one of the seats by the window on the far end of the diner. You were alone, coffee cup laced in your hands and there were tear stains on your face. His heart sank more.   “Y/N. . .” He began but you held up your hand. “Steve, save it. We should just end it while we are ahead. I mean what are we together for? We aren’t going to get married, or you don’t want to eventually and we are just destined to break up either way.” You ranted, the anger and sadness boiling within you.   “It’s fine if we do. I mean I’m hurt but I’m not going to sit here to waste away like-”  “Them.” He finished for you. You looked up at him. How did he know? “I know all about your parents, and we won’t be like them. I promise. I do want to marry you, believe it or not.” Steve mentioned and your heart leapt.   “I know it sounds crazy but I love you. We will go through hardships. Mountains, valleys, oceans and desserts and everything in between,” He held your hands across the table. “But i’d risk anything for you and I’ll be here through it all. This is just more of an uphill mountain hike than a downhill one.” He said with a smile and you laughed, allowing tears to fall.   You were wrong about no amount of convincing could ever “convince you otherwise”. Because Steve just did.   “Now, I know this isn’t all bullshit. And I know I love you. So I just want to know, do you want to prove your parents wrong with me?” He said, soft look in his yes. You nodded, wiping away your tears.    “Yes.”

I hope everyone enjoyed <333

A Lot of Playfulness

Monday -  Scott comes in wearing his gray shirt. I turn around and when I smile at him I can tell he can't help but smile back. During my lunch, Glenn from Canadian Dewatering calls him. He calls Scott every day. We joke about how his co-workers must be tired of him and that that's why he calls to talk to Scott all the time. Scott asks me if I went out for lunch today and I tell him no, that I need to chill on buying lunches. He says he needs to do the same, that it adds up buying them every day. I ask him what's wrong with his voice and he says he lost it over the weekend but it's come back a bit. He wasn't sick or anything. It's weird cuz my throat felt oddly sore today, but I'm not sick. His voice isn't 100% back to normal and still sounds a bit off. I tell him I'm leaving at 3 today for a doctor appointment. He always tells me when he leaves early, so I want to do the same. I ask him how his weekend was and he says he took his daughter to Ocean City. I can't help but wonder if he purposely omitted his wife from this or if he really went down with just his daughter. He said it was nice but that traffic was bad going back home. He asks me how my weekend was and my Sunday off. I tell him brunch starts at 9:30 Sundays, so I set my alarm for 9:29 and watched it changed to 9:30 and enjoyed the fact that I was not at brunch but home in bed. He says that's funny. I tell him it was a bittersweet day though. I got so much done, but I will once again have to go back to Sunday brunches since I haven't left yet. I tell him I got a gelati at Rita’s and he asks me what flavor. I tell him chocolate water ice with vanilla ice cream. "What? Isn't that just like chocolate ice cream? The chocolate would overpower the vanilla." He tells me I should have gotten cherry water ice with chocolate ice cream, but I don't like either of those. His next choice would have been lemon. "Oh no, lemon is even below cherry," I say back. He slowly looks at me and smiles, then shakes his head a bit as he turns back to his computer. I also tell him how I went over my friend's place Saturday night and had a few drinks and still managed to wake up 10:30 Sunday (I went back to sleep after my alarm). Then I tell him i ordered Halloween decorations. He answers how I expect. "What? It's July." "Yeah, but I consider August pre-pre-Halloween, September is pre-Halloween, and then October is Halloween, so to me it's getting close." I show him the yoga skeletons I ordered since that was my fave purchase. I say how I couldn't pass that up, cuz when would I see something like that again. He agrees. We get on the subject of yoga and I tell him he should do it. He asks if many men do it and I tell him not too many usually. Then I say how I'm not really into male instructors much, but idk why. "No offense," I add. He laughs and says he doesn't care. "Yeah, so if you were an instructor, I probably wouldn't go to your class." "Nah, I think you would definitely go to my class." "You're right. I'd make an exception for you." Scott laughs and says thanks. I continue, "You know, on the off chance you decide to dedicate like 6 months of your life to it." I'm cracking up as he responds, "Yeah and with something I've never even tried before." Steve comes in which means my lunch is over. After Scott's lunch, when he makes his tea, this guy Chris goes into the warehouse saying "I fucking hate people" just as Scott is walking out of his office. Scott asks me what I did to piss Chris off. I say "Hey. Why do you think it's me?" He smiles and says, "Cuz you're the only one standing here." I feel really tired and so don't have the energy to act playful in this moment. When 3:00 hits, I go and throw the day's wasted papers in the paper bin by Scott's office. I stop in his doorway. He's texting or whatever on his cell phone. "Bye, Scott. See you tomorrow." "Aight, you leaving, Dane? See you tomorrow." Since Steve is right there I say bye to him too and he says bye. I grab my things, say bye to Pete and Joyce, and then leave for the day.

Tuesday -  I had gone into the bathroom in the morning with my brush. It was 8:12. I had time before Scott comes in. I am looking in the mirror, feeling satisfied with my bun, and I hear the back door sound moments before I open the bathroom door. When I pull it open, Scott is walking by. I smile. This was unexpected. He says, "Hey. Watchu doing?" "Hey. Nothing. You're here early." He says something I don't quite catch. I walk behind him, looking at the butt. I go back to my desk and print some things. Scott walks by to use the bathroom. I go to make my coffee, but then the paper runs out at the printer. I usually bend at my knees, but since I hear the bathroom door open, I purposely bend over for when Scott walks by. He doesn't say anything as he passes. I had told him the previous day I would give him my Zyrtec since his allergies are bothering him. My mom had bought them for me but I don't have allergies, she just thinks I do no matter how many times I tell her I don't. I keep knocking the bottle over but don't want to move it to a different spot on my desk since it could get lost in the mess and I'd forget about it. I decide to go and give it to him now instead of at my lunch. I go in his office. Steve isn't in there. I hand it to him and apologize for there not being many left. He smiles. "I thought you didn't take them." "I don't. It wasn't full when she gave them to me." I also would give them to a friend I had dated for a few months last year since he's allergic to cats, but I leave this out since I'm afraid it may make Scott feel less important about me giving them to him. He tells me he's leaving early today to pick up his contacts since his eye doctor closes early. "It only took like a month and a half for them to come in," I reply. We talk for a few minutes about that and then Steve comes back in. Our conversation dies and I leave. When I go in to talk to Scott during my lunch, he's on his phone texting. We start talking, but he's also focusing on his phone. When he's done he explains how he's texting his mom and sister in 2 different conversations. His mom is coming up from Texas to visit and she's bringing her husband, Scott's step-father, who both he and his sister don't like. His sister has been texting him about it. He said last time she got in a screaming match with their stepdad. "Ah, so she's not shy about hiding her feelings." "No, not at all." I comment how his voice sounds a lot better today. It's pretty much back to normal. God, I love his voice. He honestly has the best voice I've ever heard. I'm not just saying that cuz I like him either. I ask if he has scissors and he jokingly asks me what I plan to do with them. He won't give them to me until I answer. "I’m gonna cut your hair" is the best I can come up with. I need to cut a string off the bottom of my jeans. I keep thinking it's a bug. Scott also has a chiropractor/physical therapy appointment today aside from picking up his contacts. He has a few more sessions after this one. His neck already feels great. I look at my tattoo on my wrist and tell him how the girl who rung me out at the liquor store Saturday was the first to know my tattoo was harry potter. "Oh really?" He smiles. "Yeah, and then she gave me like 4 compliments. It was super nice." I tell him I'm staying late and he says "You're crazy" followed by "I'm just joking." I want to make up the time I missed yesterday since I won't get paid for it unless I make it up. We talk about that a bit. I ask him what music he listens to, if it's a reggae or ska station. I heard Sublime a few times and the rest of the music sounds the same. He's not sure exactly what the type of music would be called, and despite being a huge Sublime fan in my teenage years, I honestly don't know what to call it either. I ask if he listens to music all day and if Steve ever gets annoyed and he says no, one or the other always has on music or a podcast. He says Steve usually listens to heavy stuff, which he can't get into, and I agree with him. Steve comes in and I sigh about how my lunch is over. Scott says, "Well it's been fun. We'll do it again tomorrow." I smile and say, "Yup, and the rest of the week."

When Scott makes tea after his lunch, he tells me how Glenn called him from Canadian Dewatering. This rings a bell in my mind. "Oh, you know what I was thinking the other day? If you change the C in Canada to a D, it would be like I have a country named after me." A smile stretches across Scott's face and he shakes his head. I pronounce "Danada" out loud and we laugh. "You already have Scotland. Just add an extra T." "That's true," he says. After laughing a bit more, he says, "Danada. You're funny." I smile big at him. I have no clue what time Scott is leaving today, though I speculate it's a bit later in the day. When he does come to say bye, I'm jamming out with my headphones in while working. He makes me jump when he says bye to me. I turn around, startled, then smile and say, "Bye, Scott."

Wednesday -  Scott and I say good morning. I beam at him and he can't help but smile at me. Some time still in the early morning, I go into the warehouse to take an order out. When I come back in, I stop in his office doorway. "Did you see the hitchhiker this morning on the highway?" Scott smiles and says he didn't. There was a guy walking with his arm out and thumb up, a red bag thrown over his shoulder. I'm not sure if he was still there or if Scott just missed him. During my lunch, I bring Scott a cookie from upstairs. I tell him he startled me yesterday when he said bye and he apologizes. I quickly tell him it's okay, that I was just in my own little world. I don't want him to not tell me bye on days he leaves early. Hes texting his sister again and says she texted him at 5am this morning, waking him up. I ask him of he sleeps with his phone next to him and he says he does. I tell him i used to but I put it across the room now. It's easier for me to wake up too. I show him the beautiful sunflowers I got at ShopRite the night before and he asks who got them for me. I tell him i bought them for myself. "You like them, huh?" "Yeah, they're my favorite. It's the first time I've ever had any, actually." I tell him how I stayed late and both Pete and Joyce left before me, which has never happened before. Scott laughs. I tell him I'm seeing David Blaine tonight and that I'm excited. Scott tells me Steve is leaving early today. I like how he lets me know, even though I always see this stuff on their calendar lol. I know there is way more to our conversation today, but I can't remember a lot of it. At the end of my lunch, I ask if he can get me a Starbucks frappe from ShopRite, mocha or vanilla. He says sure. I try to give him my credit card, but he says he's not gonna take that to pay for something that's like $2 and to just pay him back later. I don’t care about giving him my credit card for several reasons: I have no money; I work with Scott, so like I know he’s not going to skip town with my card or do anything since I work with him; and I trust him, which is the biggest reason. I go to my bag and find $2 And some change and put it on his desk. "That should be enough," I smile. He laughs and says, "it's alright." Before he leaves, he stops at my cubicle. "mocha or vanilla, right?" "Yeah, mocha first, vanilla second." "Aight." "Thanks, Scott!" When he comes back in from his lunch, Joyce is in my cubicle talking to me, so Scott goes right into his office. He comes back out a few minutes later to give me my drink. I beam at him and thank him. Scott makes his tea right after. "How long do you take for lunch?" "45 minutes." "Mmm it's definitely longer sometimes. You definitely took a longer lunch today." He just looks at me. "And you even have a watch." He looks at his watch and slowly smiles. "What are you, my boss now?" "Yeah, I could be. How would you feel if I was your boss?" I smile and he smiles too. He says, "I don't know." "Don't worry, I'd go easy on you. Steve, on the other hand...I would be a little harder on him." Scott laughs. Steve is talking, and it takes me a few moments to realize he's on the phone. "I thought he heard me and that he was saying something about what I said," I laugh. Scott cracks up and says, "that would be really funny." Hes still laughing when he walks away. In the later afternoon, I go into the warehouse to bring out an order, then come back in. I turn a bit to Scott, who I don't expect to look at me, but he does, with a little smile on his face. I had started to turn away, then turn back at the last second to look at him again. Not even a minute later, Steve walks out and leaves for the day. I end up walking by Scott's office again not too long after so I go in and talk to him. I tell him how I woke up this morning thinking Its gonna be a good day, and it has not been too much of a good day. He asks me why and I tell him there's just so many problems with orders and whatnot. I tell him i just had some avocado though so that made me about 40% happier. He looks at me and then eagerly asks me if the coffee made me happier. I look at him, smile, and say, "Yeah, it did." He's so cute. I have to wonder now, if a week and a half ago, on the Monday after I confronted him, his ignoring me in the morning and the face he made when I walked by his office wasn't out of fear of me or being uncomfortable, but rather out of attachment to me and a fear of things between us ending. I still see him lounging in his chair, legs apart, hands on his arms rests, smiling big at me after my lunch was over that day. He was so freaking happy I had come in to talk to him. We get on the topic of salads. ShopRite didn’t have chicken today, but another worker was there when Scott was and they chipped in for a rotisserie chicken. He won't eat his salad without chicken in it. I ask him what else he puts in his salads. "Usually spring mix, carrots...." He takes a moment to think. "That's not a salad," I playfully scoff. "I’m not done!" He tells me Glenn called him again. "Are you 2 best friends now?" "Yeah, he's my best friend up in Canada." "When you go there you can stay at his flat, overlooking the city." "Nah, he's not in a good part. Hes in Edmonton. I want to go to Montreal." I laugh, " You're all about Montreal, aren't you?" I tell him for probably the 10th time that I'd love to see Canada in the fall, since I heard they have the best autumns there. I start mentioning Halloween. Scott smiles and says, "You're always about Halloween." I tell him how I love to try new haunted attractions and how most years I go somewhere. I tell him about the time I went with 2 friends and I did get scared that time cuz they had a mirror on one side of the floor and it reflected the ceiling, and they had made it all look like you would fall if you stepped on the mirror side. An actress grabbed me and pulled me and I screamed cuz I thought I was gonna fall. He didn't know they were allowed to grab you and I tell him how places usually have something, like wearing a glowstick thing around your neck to show it's okay to grab you. I got grabbed again by a doctor who put me on his gurney and his nurse held me down and my friends just kept walking and left me, then when I said, "what the hell you guys just left me" they just shrugged and said there was nothing they could do. And my one friend is like 6'5"-6'7", so no one was messing with him. We laugh at my stories. He starts telling me how a guy he used to work with in the other building recently came over to our building to work in the warehouse office. Scott was down there and he had some gum and balled up the wrapper, then flung it at the guy, hitting him in the face. Scott starts cracking up and I laugh too. I tell him i will come back and talk to him in a bit. I end up not talking to Scott again till the very end of the day. I show him a photo of a soap Oracle thing I saw and how now I think about it every time I use the soap in the bathroom. I sit in the chair next to his desk and start doing neck rolls. My hair is in a pony tail and it's pretty long, so my hair keeps flopping in my face. Scott looks at me and smiles. "What are you doing?" "Neck rolls," I respond. Then I add, "Nah, i like to flip my hair in my face for fun." He takes a piece of gum and then asks me if I want a piece. I accept, and as I take it from him, the tips of our fingers brush. He balls up his wrapper and acts like he's about to shoot it at my face, then thinks better of it. "Nah, I was gonna do that, but it might end bad." "Yeah, I'm too close. It would probably hit me in the eye or something." Scott says how he got a phone call from Steve earlier and he's having stomach issues. "Oooh, he got it from you," I say. I'm just kidding, obviously, but Scott starts to say, "what I had wasn't contagious" just as I shoot my wrapper into the trash can by the door. "Ohhh hohhh! Did you see that?!?" Scott laughs and says he did. He shoots and misses, through he hits the back rim of the trash can. He says I'm closer so I had a better chance, and I tell him that he's standing and higher up, so he had the better leverage. We start talking about how everyone this year has had stomach issues. I tell him how back in January when I was in the hospital, the doctor told me stomach issues were gonna be bad this year. I add on, "he should give up his doctor gig and become a psychic instead." Scott laughs and agrees with me. I decide to grab his wrapper and try to shoot from where he’s standing. I go and stand behind him, shoot, and miss. Scott says how he was closer. I try a second time, and a third, but I don't make any of the shots. It's time to go, so I go back to my desk to shut down, grab my things, and say bye to Pete and Joyce. I go back to Scott's office so we can walk out together. He throws his plastic cup in the trash. "You know, we pass a recycling bin on the way out." He smiles at me and says his hands are full, which they aren't, considering he just had the cup in his hand. We talk as we go down the hall to the back door. I turn to smile at him and can see through his glasses that his eyes are looking at my smile. We say bye and leave for the day.

Thursday -  Scott had mentioned he would be coming in late today since he had a follow-up appointment with his stomach doctor, so I end up not seeing him at all until my lunch. I bring him a cookie again, and as he takes it from me, our hands touch. I wish I could just grab his hand and hold it in mine. I ask him how his doctor appointment went and he said everything went well. They finally took him off all of the medication and instead just gave him one last one to take for a bit. I tell him all about David Blaine's show and show him the picture I got with him. He looks at it and smiles. I tell him how I did get bad news earlier, how Angelo told me I've been put on hold again due to “operations issues”, which Scott and I both discuss. Angelo did seem mad about it this time because they keep doing this to me. He said he understands if I want to leave but that they like having me here and I'm an asset. Scott asks me what I'm gonna do and if I’ve been looking into other jobs. "Trying to get rid of me?" I joke. "No, I'm just trying to help." I wasn't expecting that. I wonder if Scott cares about me. He has hand sanitizer sitting on his desk with the lid unscrewed. I ask him why he doesn't just get a new one. He said he did, it's just on the other side of his desk and that he's gonna recycle that one. I tell him good job and he smiles. He has on different music than normal today, which I comment on. He said he likes to switch it up every now and then. An ad comes on and he says he hates this ad. I know his pain. I listen to YouTube a lot and I always get the stupid Italian ad, it's for wine or something, and a lady is singing. It's annoying, and half the time you can't skip it. Scott burps and says "excuse me." I say it's okay, how I hear him burp all the time and he says it's not just him, its Steve too. I laugh and say, "oh, I always just assumed it was you." Steve comes in and then goes to the water jug down the hall, but he has to change it. He goes into the warehouse and grabs another one. He grabbed it by the handle with both hands and is carrying it in front of himself as he walks. I watch him and say quietly, "Steve looks like he's struggling over there." Scott looks and then laughs and agrees with me. Steve then switches the jug to one hand and carries it by his side, which looks much better. I tell Scott I'll talk to him later and as I walk toward the door I turn my head around, and I just see Scott looking away from my butt at the last second. 

When Scott goes on lunch, he asks me if I want anything and I tell him no thanks. When he comes back from lunch and makes his tea, he says ShopRite was out of chicken so he came back and had some sandwiches from upstairs. I tell him how the other week they had veggie sandwiches for a training group and how there must have been some vegetarians because they never have that. I tell him idk if I would have eaten them since they were probably touching the meat. He finds this weird, but I assure him amongst vegetarians and vegans, it's a common thing. It's cross-contamination and we don't want animal products in our bodies. I tell him if someone has a nut or shellfish allergy and something touches their food, they'd have an allergic reaction. He says that's different, but I don't see it that way. He asks me why it bothers me and I tell him i don’t want to eat something that died. "But you still eat eggs?" “Yeah, but they're not fertilized.” "Cuz nothing died?" "Yes." "And you still have dairy?" "Yes." "Cuz nothing died?" "Yes." I could go into detail how I actually replace most of my dairy products with vegan stuff now and how I do struggle with whether I should eat eggs and dairy at all, though I do only buy free range eggs after watching a documentary on how chickens are treated in cages. We somehow get on the topic of whipped cream and I joke how Scott is probably one of those people who squirt it into their mouths. He doesn't deny it. He says how his tea is hot and he puts it down. "Yeah, it goes right from hot to cold, and there's like a 5 minute period where it's perfect to drink. That's why I always heat it in the microwave." I get some water for my tea bag, and see there's a tiny fly in the cup. I walk down the hall to the sink to dump it and throw my cup away, then head back. Scott and Steve are talking, and Scott is standing up, leaning on his elbow, and facing the door. Hes got a small smile on his lips as he watches me. I catch his eye and smile back at him. A little later I have to take an order out into the warehouse. This guy Chris is heading that way too, and he lets me go ahead of him. I come back and turn to smile at Scott, who I could see was turned toward the door, waiting for me to come back. I go in to talk to Scott at the end of the day and the same Chris comes in not long after cuz Scott had told him as he passed to check his email, but he came in instead. Chris assumes that what's on Scott's screen is what he was talking about, so he takes the mouse from Scott. Chris asks him what it is and Scott tells him that not it. Chris is like "what the hell" and Scott laughs and says, "well you just took the mouse from me!". Chris leaves and Scott notices I'm chewing gum. He asks what kind it is and I say, "I don't know, I just grab whatever and hope I like it." I go and get it and show Scott and he asks if he can have a piece, so I give him one. He balls up his wrapper, shoots, and scores. "Heeyyy! You made it today!" Scott says how he normally misses a lot though. I tell him how there was a little fly thing in my water earlier and he says, "that's weird" but I thought he had said, "that's rude." "Ohh haha I thought you meant it was rude of the fly to be in my water." "Well, it was rude." He takes forever to shut down his stuff, so it's around 4:50, but I'm staying late. We walk out of his office and he says, "have fun staying late" and I laugh and say I'll see him tomorrow.

Friday -  In the morning, I feel really happy to see Scott. Not too long after, I go to refill my water, but our jug is empty. I put a new one on (our jug area has room to keep spare full ones next to it) and then go into the warehouse to take the empty one out. I go over to where the jugs are kept and there's a lot of empty ones piling up. I look at them to find a spot and then look at Scott through his window. Hes standing, leaning on his left elbow, and he's staring at me with a smile on his lips. I can feel my face light up and I smile big at him with my mouth still closed. I look back at the jugs and place mine down, then look at Scott again, who hasn't moved or anything. I'm still beaming at him. He looks so handsome and I love the way he's looking at me. I go back to my desk and my heart is fluttering. I didn't bring a lunch today since I was hoping for pizza, but the trainees finished yesterday. There are pretzels upstairs, so I grab one and heat it in the microwave. When I walk toward Scott's office on the way back to my desk, he looks at me and tilts his head up in a nod. When i go in to talk to him after i finish eating, Glenn calls. I ask Scott if Glenn calls Steve too and Scott says he does, that he talks to both of them daily. I tell him there's no food upstairs today and how I had a pretzel and he asks me if I want him to get me anything when he goes out. I brought a ton of healthy snacks, so I tell him I'm good. I ask him if he has any plans this weekend, and for the 3rd weekend in a row he tells me he doesn't. I work all weekend since I took a Saturday shift this week. We get on the topic of sleeping and waking up early. Scott was always the type of person to stay up late and sleep in, but now he stays up late and wakes up early. He said at his old job the hours were 11-7, so he didn't have to wake up too early. I tell him how I ended up seeing Angelo before I left yesterday and he told me he talked to his boss and that they were both still going to try and get me in permanent and to not have me put on hold again. Scott asks if Dan is Angelo's boss. Dan goes back and forth between our office and North Carolina. I tell Scott the story of when I first met him. I had been on lunch but finished eating and I was on the computer. Angelo and Dan came over to my cubicle, and when I turned around, hummus got on my hand, it must have been on my bag or something. So Dan reached out his hand and I said, "Hold on, I have hummus on my hand." And they stood there awkwardly as I got up to grab a paper towel, wipe my hand, then went back to my desk to use hand sanitizer, then I held out my hand for him to shake it. Scott and I are cracking up. It's a pretty funny story, though I was a bit embarrassed. Before Scott goes out, he once again stops by my cubicle to ask if I want anything. I consider asking for a frappe again, but instead tell him no thanks. When he's done lunch and makes his tea, I have nothing to print, but my water bottle is empty, so I get up to fill that. I drink it as I walk back and end up spilling water on my chin. I wipe my mouth and Scott looks at me with a smile. I stop and ask if they had his chicken today, but they didn't, so he went to WaWa and got a chicken sandwich. We talk for another minute or two and then he turns to go and get his creamer. He had forgotten to grab a stirrer, so he takes a big step to the right to grab one. I watch him move and ughhh his butt, it kills me. It's so nice. At one point, I come up the hall from the bathroom, and just as I reach the corner of my cubicle, the warehouse door opens. I turn and look and see it's Scott. I hear him not long after talking to the receptionist. He usually goes back to his office down his hallway, but I hear him talking down the larger hallway, so he must have gone to talk to someone. He walks by my desk and when I turn, I can see he had just turned away from looking in my cubicle. I go in at the end of the day to talk to him and he tells me Steve has off Monday, which of course I knew. I also know Scott has off next Friday. I'm curious as to  why, and hope it's nothing heartbreaking for me, though if it is, he probably won't give me a reason as to why he has off, or might omit his wife if she's part of the equation, or I may just overhear him telling someone about it. In any case, I'm bracing myself for the worst. I am looking forward to Steve having off though. Scott may be busy with it being just him, but it also means I can just go in and talk to him whenever I feel like it, and that if I go into the warehouse, I can always turn to smile at him. I'm entering Amazon giveaways on my phone and one thing is a rice cooker that’s worth $180. I tell Scott i don’t get the point of a rice cooker, since rice takes like 5 minutes to boil on the stove and that it seems like they're too expensive for something you don't even really need. He agrees. He seems like he's not in a talkative mood too much. It's time to go, so I go and shut down, grab my things, then say bye to Pete and Joyce. I go back to Scott's office since he's still not done. He just finished wiping his sunglasses with some sort of special wipe, and asks me if I want to use it before he throws it out. My glasses are pretty dirty, so I take it. We walk out together. When we're driving, Scott doesn't get on the highway but instead stays straight. I feel a pang in my heart as I watch him drive away. I hope all the time that this doesn't lead to heartbreak, though I have trouble seeing how the situation could ever work in my favor. Still, I hold out hope that some miracle happen. I just find it hard to believe that this is a man who goes home to a happy home life, who goes home and works on his marriage, who married the right person. Of course, I could be totally wrong and Scott could be perfectly happy with his home, his wife, his marriage, and I am just the wrench thrown into the equation, some sort of temptation he has to work through. But I don’t know. “It’s complicated” and “It would be easy if I wasn’t married” have popped into my mind a few times these past 2 weeks, but it’s so exhausting trying to figure out what he meant, because he gave me nothing to go off of. So I pretty much just let it be as soon as my mind goes, “Hey, what do you think these things mean?? We haven’t figured it out yet.” I could just ask Scott to clarify, though I’m doubtful it will get me anywhere. I’ve just accepted at this point that he’ll tell me in his own time and that it has nothing to really do with me, that he just has to be completely sure and ready before he tells me anything. I don’t know how I know this, I just do. Anyway, looking forward to what Monday has to bring and the rest of the week, and also getting my hair done Tuesday night. I’m getting a nice change, and besides being really excited to get something new and something I really want, I’m curious to see what Scott will say. I’m not expecting some big reaction or anything or even a compliment. I guess I just kind of want to see if he notices, which I’m sure he will. 

all the botanical asks ;)

damn you.

jasmine; what mythical creature do you wish actually existed?griffins hell yea

lavender; soundcloud or vinyls?soundcloud!!

primrose; what book does everyone right now need to read?annihilation by jeff vandermeer 

lunar mist; do you like wearing other people’s shirts/jackets?depends on if they fit or not but YEA bc it smells like them its nice

bird of paradise; what was the best thing that happened to you this month?tomorrow im gonna see zoe im so fuckin ready

gardenia; what’s a promise you’ve recently made to yourself?that its gonna be ok

lion’s fairytale; would you rather be the sky, the ocean or the forests?the ocean

whirling butterflies; would you kiss the last person you kissed again?the question is who was the last person i kissed 

marmalade skies; do you plan your outfits?dfjdsbnfjsbfhfd NO im a walking disaster

apricot drift; how do you feel right now?bored

everlasting daisy; what’s the last dream you remember having?i dreamed about seeing infinity war the night before i actually saw it and apparently in dream IW they never went to Wakanda and just shot footage just for trailers like they did in rogue one

queen’s cup; what are you craving right now?chocolate...

lavender dream; turn ons/offs?turn on - girls. turn off - men.

water lilly; when was the last time you cried? why?this morning bc my teacher sent me a pissed off email after i told me i was gonna be an hour late bc i missed the bus

lily of the valley; did the one person who hurt you most in your life apologize?no

winterberry; do you bite or lick your ice cream?whoever bites their ice cream are monsters

honey perfume; favorite movie ever?grand budapest hotel!!!!

desert rose; do you like yourself?hmmm next question

snapdragon; have you ever met or seen in person a celebrity?i took a selfie w a WWE commentator years ago 

night owl; how many countries have you visited?2!

heliotrope; have you ever been in a castle?yea it was fucken sweet

creams and sky; what’s the craziest/bravest thing you’ve done?come out??

lantana; what’s on your mind right now?SLEEPOVER W ZOE TOMORROW

pumpkin patch; what’s your zodiac sign?leo... yknow... nya

tulip; name 5 facts about yourself.-i wear socks to bed bc my feet get cold!!-i have a scar on my wrist from a swinging accident w my little brother-i have a spotify playlist thats 122hrs long bc i just dump albums on there-abba is currently my favorite band-bleeding hearts are my favorite flowers bc they remind me of my late great grandma

daphne; do you believe in karma?yes??

queen of the meadow; ever been in love?yes

wisteria; whom do you admire and why?my dad tbh hes one of the hardest workers i know and has such a shitty job and deals w 90% of my family drama but hes always so positive and funny and i love my dad so damn much

angel’s face; what was your favorite bedtime story as a child?good dog carl

remember me; did you make someone laugh today?i fucken hope so

iris; do you believe in ghosts?YEA

lilac; if you could go back in time which time period would you visit?1979 just so i can go to an abba concert

caramel kisses; would you want to live forever? why/why not?hm no lmao

primula; what makes you sad?school. all these rohan ovas davpro keeps releasing

rain lily; was today typical? why/why not?yea i went to class and disappointed my teacher 

queen anne’s lace; who do you trust the most?zoe

lady’s slipper; what did you have for breakfast today?nothing... and i had nothing for lunch either.... all ive had is some lemonade and poptarts i bought like an hour ago

forget me not; do you have any regrets looking back in your life?going to this damn college

lunaria; what’s your favorite fictional universe?ok star wars universe is rad as fuck

violet; favorite tv show?the office and kitchen nightmares HDJIFDNJF

sunflower; share a favorite quote.god idk man

snowdrop; what does your ideal day look like?im home alone and its raining outside and i have the windows open. i dont have any deadlines to meet and i spend the day drawing 

tiger lily; do you have any hobbies?drawing and crying

peony; share a small random book passage that means something to you.BITCH IDK DO U THINK I READ?????

tea rose; what’s something you always wanted to do but were too scared?catch fireflies but i am SO terrified of all bugs its not funny

honeysuckle; do you usually date people your age or older/younger?my fucken age

sweet pea; who means the world to you? why?okuyasu nijimura means the entire world to me, and heres why (pulls out 50 page essay) no but my little brother

love in the mist; best books you’ve ever read?have yall... dabbled in these books called warriors by erin hunter?

foxglove; who is your favorite cartoon character?im not even into su anymore but amethyst always wins

magnolia; coffee or tea?coffee

crown imperial; would you rather be extremely rich or extremely loved?Why Not Both Thot

snowflake; are you a dog or a cat person?WHY NOT BOTH THOT

bell flower; what is your biggest addiction?hey guys im smoking the latest coolest drug called okuyasu nijimura

cosmos; do you ever think about the galaxy?y...yes

moonflower; what’s your favorite color?yellow

freesia; do you have a good relationship with your parents and siblings? why/why not?yea we tight

sundrop; are you a morning or a night person?night

poppy; have you ever dealt with a mental illness?idk if adhd is a mental illness or not so imma say... maybe

clover; how would your friends describe you?

fucken gay

dandelion; do you consider yourself and extrovert or an introvert?depends :/

lilly; what’s something you love watching/reading but you are too embarrassed to admit you do?bitch idk man im an open book i embarrass myself on a daily basis

anemone; describe yourself in 3 words.dumb gay bitch

lotus; best memory as a child?my mom bringing my cat bill home for the first time!!! he was so small.......

angelonia; what is your eye and hair color?brown and brown

dahlia; do you like crystals?yea imma shove my dick in a geode

buttercup; if you could change one thing in the world, what would it be?grievous real so i can fuck him

baby’s breath; what’s your hogwarts house?hufflepuff

calendula; biggest pet peeve?specific but when im literally just sitting in the car and one of my parents goes “looks like SOMEONE has an attitude” like?? i was silently looking out the window

blanker flower; would you rather go to a cocktail party with your best friends or stay home and read a book/watch a movie with your pet?friends bc i love them so much

blazing star; share a secret.I DONT HAVE A FUCKEN SECRET

carnation; would you rather live longer or happier?happier

petunia; who’s story is your biggest inspiration in life? why?bitch im too tired to answer this

bluebell; do you wear glasses?no

nymphea; forest or river?river

orchid; do you like exercise?HFDJKSFNDKJSDFNFK WHO TF DO I LOOK LIKE.

pansy; do you like poetry?FUCK poetry

morning glory; any special talent that you have?i can do a good swedish chef impression

Year-end meme time! I have been answering these questions once a year without fail since 2006. Maybe one of these years I’ll stop, but not for 2017.

Was 2017 a good year for you?

Yes! In February I decided I wanted to quit my job and go to Brazil for 3 months. I quit my job and moved away from NC in July, left for Brazil in August. I had a short-lived but intense romantic relationship from April-July. We drove across the country together. Brazil was really challenging but overall amazing. With the exception of a couple periods when life was too hectic, I kept up with my yoga habit. I think I made it a full 8 months without skipping a whole week actually? Maybe it was 6 months, I forget now, I just know that it was an important milestone for me at the time because I have never managed to keep up an exercise routine that long before. I spent more time at the ocean and by the pool than I have in most other years of my life. I lost some weight. I stayed relatively on top of my shit (bullet journaling really helped, when I was doing that), and stayed sane. I read a fuck ton of Harry/Draco and BTS fic. I took a lot of chances with people I had only just barely met. It has honestly been a pretty stellar year for me personally, the mounting sense of despair over the external world aside.

What was your favorite moment of the year?

Being in the ocean with kids climbing on top of me, demanding to be tossed into the waves.

What was your least favorite moment of the year?

Nothing actually stands out. I had some pretty low moments of crying over certain things in my life, but nothing I can talk about on the online, and besides since none of them were reacting to specific things they all sort of blend together in my memory anyway. I did cry whole buckets while leaving my goodbye party in NC and continued to cry when I got to my ex-BF’s house and then cried myself to sleep, but it feels sort of not right to call that a least favorite moment, just cathartic.

Where were you when 2017 began?

At the same new years’ party I was at when 2014, 2015, and 2016 began. That night was kind of a mixed bag for me, although I did get a new years’ kiss, which I will probably not be getting this year.  

Where will you be when 2017 ends?

One of my oldest friends in SLC is hosting a “polar plunge” at her house, so I’m going to do that. I probably will not be taking any kind of plunge myself but I can provide emotional support to those who shall.

Who will you be with when 2017 ends?

My friend Jennica and her husband. I have no idea who else, I don’t think I know most of their friends these days.  

Did you keep your new years resolution of 2017?

Looking at the half-assed resoluations I made…. Lmao, no I didn’t, but then my goals for the year changed rather drastically in February when I decided to upend everything, and I feel pretty good about how I followed through with all that stuff.

Do you have a new years resolution for 2018?

Have another list of resolution-ish intentions I have, I still would not call this list whole-assed but hey:

-complete a 30 day yoga challenge (I am on day 7 already, actually, so if I keep up with it I'll knock this one out before the end of January)

-don't let more than 4 days go by without going to yoga (other than when I'm traveling)

-don't let more than 2 days go by without writing (other than when I'm traveling)

-write original fiction at least three times a week, even if it's just like, scribbling down 100 words of a writing exercise (again, other than when traveling)

-read at least 25 books

-read at least 20 short stories

What was your relationship status? Did you break up with anyone?

I was in a relationship from roughly April-July, we broke it off before I left for Brazil. I dated other people in there, although no one for as long as I dated him.

How many one-night stands?

I think four? Idk depends on what you consider a one-night stand. And I made out with lots of different people, which was fun.

Did you make any new friends in 2017?

I made a lot of new friends in Brazil! I’ve made some new friends and reconnected with old friends through kpop. I seem to have made some new friends in SLC, which has been really nice.

What was your favorite month of 2017?

Probably September. April really ranks up there, too.

What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I turned 30!!! I think on the day of I went to work, got taken out to lunch by my boyfriend, swam in my apartment’s pool, and started watching Boku No Hero Academia, also with the boyfriend. I had a small party for myself over the weekend, if memory serves. It was really nice, low key and happy, I really enjoyed turning 30 and have been very much enjoying my thirties since. I remember thinking that I was going to feel angsty and panicked about turning this number but that never really hit. It was mostly just good.

How many different places did you travel to in 2017?

Ashland, OR; Wilmington, NC; Charlotte, NC; from Carrboro, NC to SLC, with stops along the way in Birmingham, New Orleans, a town in Texas that I have forgotten the name of; in Brazil: Fortaleza, Taiba, Manaus, Tefe, Mamiraua Reserve, Monte Alegre do Sul, and Sao Paulo.

Did anybody close to you die in 2017?

No.

Did anybody close to you give birth?

Yes, K and E.

Did you miss anybody in the past year?

I missed my NC friends a lot after I moved away. I missed Brazil and my people there.

Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

Other than public figures, no, not really.

What were your favorite movies that you saw in 2017?

Loving Vincent, Thor: Ragnarok and The Last Jedi.

What was your favorite song from 2017?

I have not done a great job of keeping track of which songs I’ve listened to the most this year, but: Silver Spoon/Baepsae by BTS; Nights by Frank Ocean; Soldados by Legiao Urbana; Don’t Take The Money by Bleachers; The Louvre by Lorde; Ultralight Beam by Kanye West; Young by The Chainsmokers.

Did you have a favorite concert in 2017?

Bleachers and MUNA in Charlotte! Also Chance The Rapper.

Did you drink a lot of alcohol in 2017?

I feel like yes but I think I did less getting super drunk than in previous years.

Did you do a lot of drugs in 2017?

Not ‘a lot’ but I was not expecting this to be the year that recreational drugs came back into my life. So ‘a lot’ by my usual standards, I guess.

What kept you sane?

Yoga, walking, and journaling. This is a very boring and literal answer, sorry, but it’s true. I’m sorry to be one of Those People but exercise and mindfulness are the reasons I’m able to be off anti-depressants.

What did you do in 2017 that you’d never done before?

Traveled to a foreign country by myself. Tried cocaine. Wrote fanfiction commissions. Taught english classes. Learned how to samba. Used a bullet journal. Did goat yoga. Interviewed a creator I admired. Went to a club by myself.

What dates from 2017 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

-August 21, the day of the eclipse and the day I flew to Brazil.

-July 28-29, my last days in NC, the night one of my cats spent in the bathtub of a friend’s apartment, and the days I spent frantically moving out of my apartment.

-The Women’s March. Both because it was one of the very few times this year I felt politically empowered, and because that night I had a really fantastic tinder date with a woman who had also been at the march. This was only a couple days after I’d been dumped by the girl I was seeing, so I felt very spitefully pleased about the timing of it all.

-April 22. At my old job, we opened up a new public preserve, an event everyone in the org had been working to make happen for years. The event itself went extremely well and was super gratifying, and then that night was one of the early and really great dates with the guy I was dating.

What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Quitting my job in a way I feel good about. Making Brazil happen. Moving out of my apartment. Sticking with yoga. Finishing my otayuri Spy AU. Writing all the fic that people commissioned me for, even though it took me forever and a day. Paying off my credit card post-brazil.

What was your biggest failure?

I am disappointed in myself for not trying harder to write and publish more nonfiction, even though I felt all this momentum in that direction after the McElroy piece I wrote in May. I am also disappointed in myself for losing steam on the novel I started in 2016. There are some conversations I wish I had had with important people in my life, that I always chickend out on having. There are some feelings I wish I had been able to leave behind, but couldn’t.

What was the best thing you bought?

Other than plane tickets, probably my chromebook. It does not feel real at all that I bought that in 2017, though. This year has been five years in one.

Compared to this time last year, are you:

a) happier or sadder? happier

b) thinner or fatter? thinner

c) richer or poorer? poorer

How did you spend Christmas?

With my family in SLC, like I almost always do. We opened presents, my dad and I went to yoga, I read a lot of kpop fic, in the evening we went to a dinner party at my parents’ friends house and I ate a lot of really good food.

What was the best book you read?

If I manage to finish The Female Man today, I will have read 23 books this year, not counting the 6 Animorphs books I reread and the gazillions of BNHA manga chapters. That’s actually more than I thought I had read, and maybe I should make my books goal for 2018 a larger number, hm.

But anyway I think the best book of those was probably The Basic Eight by Daniel Handler or Blind Assassin by Margaret Atwood. I also loved Swing Time by Zadie Smith but I read that at the beginning of the year so it sort of feels like a lifetime ago.

How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2017?

Well for half of it I’ve been either living out of a backpack or in my pajamas almost 24/7. Also I got rid of most of my wardrobe. So I guess minimal?

What would you like to have in 2018 that you lacked in 2017?

A new Carly Rae Jepsen album!!! And greater financial security, a home in a city I’m happy about living in.

What do you wish you’d done more of?

Writing original fiction and freelance writing. Exercising more discipline in my writing life, in general. Mindfulness exercises when I was upset. Taking photos of people I wanted to remember.

What do you wish you’d done less of?

Sweet jesus do I wish I had spent less time mindlessly refreshing apps on my phone, particularly twitter. Also pointless angsting about personal relationships. Gone on less Tinder dates that I knew weren’t going anywhere.

What are your plans for 2018?

Going to Japan in May with @corvidyouths and @globsavethequeen!!! And getting a job in New York or LA or DC or, who knows, somewhere else that I haven’t though of yet.

Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:

Well, I don’t know how much of my year this actually sums up, but these lines have been rattling around my head more than anything else. From Nights by Frank Ocean:

I ain't trying to keep you Can't keep up a conversation Can't nobody reach you Why your eyes well up Did you call me from a seance You are from a past life

do ask memes :o

ALL OF THEM!? ON THE ENTIRE WEBSITE!? no but since i love you i will ~

Halloween asks : done

‘Let’s get personal’: done

Sweet asks:

vanilla - how has your week been?

An honest to god mess, but that’s okay. It’ll get better soon~

chocolate - what do you crave right now?

Attention.

red velvet - what type of music do you like?

All tbh

ice cream - if you were an animal, what kind would you be?

I WOULD BE RILAKKUMA (u may be like zaire that’s not an animal. shhh let me be rilakkuma)

cake - describe your ideal location

like.. im just gonna say what i consider home

new zealand or osaka 💫

mocha - what are three things that make you feel warm inside?

my bby

the stars

writing abt my day at night

frosting - describe your appearance

uhm Mmmm i don’t know how i would.

marshmallow - do you sleep with plushies? if so, which are your favorites?

I DO INDEED i sleep with my moomin

sorbet - describe an ideal summer day

Going on adventures ;; especially car rides n stuff like that ✨

butterscotch - describe an ideal autumn day

going outside and walking around and the cold wind n i m happy it’s autumn 🍂

caramel - describe an ideal winter day

DRINKING HOT CHOCOLATE AND WATCHING TV IN AN OVERSIZED SWEATER WHILE IT SNOWS AND THEN GOING OUTSIDE TO PLAY IN THE SNOW ❄️

pecan - describe an ideal spring day

sitting outside n just enjoying all the flowers c”:

mint - what’s new in your life?

my bby

pie - “home is where…”

he is

macaroon - list three things you feel inspired to do

draw again

to cosplay

2 mAKE HOT CHOCOLATE NOW

Send me a number:

1: where are you from?

I was born in London but I was raised in New Zealand

2: how old are you?

I’m 18

3: when is your birthday?

March 13th

4: what is your favorite music genre?

It all depends on my mood

5: religious?

Yes

6: do you believe in ghosts?

Yes

7: would you want to be immortal?

Yes and no, I would hate to lose everyone who isn’t but I would love to see how the world will evolve idk

8: favorite book?

Alice in Wonderland

9: favorite song?

MIC DROP ASJGHSD

10: favorite band/singer?

I have too many but between bts and exo :3

11: sexual preference?

Indifferent to gender

12: virgin? If not, how old were you when you had sex for the first time?

No & 16

13: do you drink, if yes, tell me what?

Nah.

14: do you smoke?

No

15: ever did drugs?

No

16: ever visit a festival?

Yes

17: do you have pets? tell me about them!

I have 2 cats ✨

Ayumu & Kiyoshi

18: how many countries have you been to?

A lot , my dads travel 2 much

19: do you speak another language besides english? If yes, write a sentence in that language!

Korean - 안녕 사랑해!

Japanese - やあ、君を愛している！

and Arabic - مرحبا انا احبك!

They all say Hi, I love you! C:

20: vegan, vegetarian or meat eater?

21: be creative! write a short story about something that comes into your mind!

ASGIJSDHKJf i hate

one day we all heard zayn left the band and it was the worst day ever like they had a song called the best day ever no bitch this is the worst day ever and we all went 2 bed and it was all a mutual dream we all had (WTF WAS THIS ASKJGHKSD)

22: put your iPod on shuffle and tell me the first 10 songs

i don’t have my phone near me either

23: grab the nearest book and give me the last sentence of page 124

I have no books near me....

24: tell me about your crush

i’m answering his ask

25: any weird habits?

If i get scared i start sucking on the back of my thumb

26: ever been rude to a teacher?

Yeah

27: ever talked to yourself?

I always do...

28: extrovert or introvert?

In the middle

29: the most embarrassing moment in your life?

WHEN MY DAD GOT DRUNK AND STARTED FLIRTING wITH MY OTHER DAD AND WAS LIKE “u single”

and my other dad said “no.” and MY daD cRIEd AJHKGDS

30: what keeps you going?

🍯 you c: 🍯

31: ever thought about suicide?

Always

32: do you suffer from a mental illness?

Yeah

33: I'm bored, tell me something funny that happened to you!

I once fell down a flight of stairs because I thought someone was walking up them and I wanted to beat them, but like as I was falling I realised I was walking downstairs and no one was there.

34: your 5 favorite blogs

1. @spook-hyun

2. @lucidyeol

3. @hosvoks

4. @ultchen

5. any suggestion blog tbqh

35: 10 facts about yourself

1. I can bend my pinky all the way back lmao

2. It took me one night to learn Korean :’)

3. I’m a self taught artist

4. the first cat I ever had, I randomly found and I nursed him back to health and he never left me C:

5. I used to want to be a vet/or just someone around animals at all times

6. I used to live by the ocean and yet i’m lowkey afraid of it askJGHKSD

7. I started this blog as a safe space ✨

8. I have a twin sister who’s older than me by a minute

9. I have a younger sister who still calls me her little brother....

10. i’m madly in love

36: 3 things you like about yourself

Nothing

37: 3 things you hate about yourself

Everything

38: biggest turn on?

AHEH IM NOT DISCLOSING THAT I have a stalker who’s gonna try shit so no

29: biggest turn off?

someone who’s controlling. ;e; like i get if you’re like warning me abt something but if you’re like thisthen yeah fuck off.

30: when did you join tumblr?

January 2014

Luxury Asks:

bubble bath: do you have any routines before bedtime? like skin care, etc. what are they?

AHA YALL READY FOR THIS

I wash my face n then i brush my teeth and then i put lotion on and i change and then i drink green tea and watch anime lmao and that’s it

champagne: what topic could you talk about for hours?

You

crushed velvet: have you ever used your charm to get something you want?

AHEH HOW DO U THINK I GOT HYUN

diamonds: how do you feel about excessively spending money?

I mean, if it’s for a shopping spree for good reason (like u got cheated on and are trying to make yourself happy) then yeah, but if you do it everyday then no

faux fur: describe your wardrobe.

lots of oversized sweaters and jeans and cosplay outfits

glitter: describe someone special to you.

His eyes look like honey when the sun shines on them and every time it happens I fall in love

gold: describe what you would call the most perfect meal.

mY DADS KIMCHI COME FOR ME

jazz: name a song that resonates with you and your emotions. explain the reason why.

Go go because 

“I want to be cruisin’ on the bayI want to be cruisin’ like NemoNo money but I wanna go far awayI don’t have money but I wanna relaxNo money but I wanna eat Jiro Ono’s sushi

Worked hard to get my payGonna spend it all on my stomachPinching pennies to spend it all on wasting itLeave me be, even if I overspendEven if I break apart my savings tomorrowLike a crazy guy”

lace: what is something in your life completely different from last year?

My happiness

lingerie: do you consider yourself a promiscuous person?

If I remember the definition correctly 

kinda? but I stopped being that way

lipstick: do you enjoy talking to strangers?

n...no not at all lmAO unless it’s like at a comic con or something like that then yeah

pearls: what's something about your personality that surprises others?

I open up to people when I feel comfortable with them, like, I seem really shy and reserved but I open up to everyone I meet as long as I’m comfortable. 

penthouse: what would you consider your dream home? describe it.

AAAH my old house

perfume: if you could make your own signature fragrance, what would it smell like?

Ironically my cologne is really strong but it’s not so strong you’re like *dies inside*, it’s like, it’s strong so you remember it and if you smell it somewhere, you’re like “Zaire?”

robe: how do you prepare for an evening alone with a loved one/date?

I HYPE MYSELF UP AND THEN I GET READY LMAO

roses: If it had to be winter, autumn, spring or summer for the rest of your life, which would you choose?

AUTUMN AUTUMN AUTUMN LIKE 

AUTUMN ABT TO TURN WINTER YES

satin: what is your most favorite article of clothing?

this oversized as FUcK black sweater that says “fuck off” in japanese on the sleeves asghsdjkfl 

sheet mask: what's your favorite lazy activity?

drinking tea while watching anime

silk: do you have more inner or outer beauty?

Inner

silver: do you have any obscure hobbies? what are they?

I’ll draw on the wall and then i’ll paint over it??? unless i rlly rlly like it

sparkling water: what are your top three songs for the summer?

ew summer

wine: what kind of drunk are you (happy/affectionate, angry, sad, fun/wild)? if you don't drink, what kind do you think you WOULD be?

Well, 

one dad acts all normal and like he’s not drunk and he makes perfect sense and he’s fully aware of everything and can walk perfectly and cook

my biological dad on the other hand is all emotional and affectionate n happy n soft lMAO so i guess i’d be like my biological dad

wow bby i hope you enjoyed this

I love these things xD and this is a long one! Tagged by @vinsmoke03 thanks ❤️ THE LAST: 1. Drink: All water all the time 2. Phone Call: was with a nice lady from wbshop.com so she could set up the payment for a Constantine figure I pre-ordered back in February 3. Text Message: to my best friend just to greet her while I'm on lunch. 4. Song You Listened to: iridescent -- Linkin Park 5: Time You Cried: I cri all teh tim. XD oh! But we just watched Guardians of the Galaxy again. "We are Groot" gets me every freaking time HAVE YOU: 6. Dated Someone Twice: I've only really dated one person, so nope lol 7. Kissed Someone and Regretted it: nope lol 8. Been Cheated on: nope 9. Lost Someone Special: uhh... Don't think so. 10. Been Depressed: In some shape or form, yeah. 11. Gotten Drunk and Thrown Up: Ive only been a bit tipsy befote LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS: 12-14: Jade, crimson, cobalt IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU: 15: Made New Friends: online for sure, in person sorta...? XD 16: Fallen Out of Love: nope 17: Laughed Until You Cried: Every time 18. Found Out Someone Was Talking About You: Oh yeah. It was from way back in high school, but I found it hilarious. You think you know your "friends." Lol 19. Met Someone Who Changed You: I don't think so? 20. Found Out Who Your Friends Are: I already know 21. Kissed Someone on Your Facebook List: I mean yeah xD unless you don't mean who I'm dating? GENERAL: 22. How Many of Your Facebook friends do you know in real life: under half. I don't even talk to most of them lol 23. Do you have any pets: a dog, can, and bearded dragon 24. Do you want to change your name: never considered it. But nah I'm good. 25. What did you do for your last birthday: I think we went out? Or I just played games, idk. XD I was getting ready for Halloween anyway 26. What time did you wake up: about 7 when my mother came in my room lol then I got up at 830 27. What were you doing at midnight last night: I was finishing up on Overwatch. <<< Same fam xD I was doing some competitive matches with a team who straight up sucked 28. Name something you can’t wait for: Otakon! I am so pumped! 29. When was the last time you saw your mom: a little bit ago when she left work lol 30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: Not ever having to move again 31. What are you listening to right now: my iPod is currently cycling through the last of my Linkin Park lol 32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: I knew a Tom in high school 33. Something that is getting on your nerves: coworkers. Lol 34. Most Visited Website: probably Gaiaonline LOST QUESTIONS. I JUST PUT IN RANDOM INFO ABOUT ME: 35. Mole/s: beauty mark above the right side of my mouth 36. Mark/s: omg don't even get me started. I get cuts and bruises from work so often I don't even bother remembering. Plus I think my tattoo counts as a mark XD 37. Childhood Dream: I wanted to be an architect for a long time lmao 38. Hair Color: my natural color is brown. I think all traces of the red are gone at this point xD 39. Long or Short Hair: Shoulder length. I was trying to grow it out, but I'm not sure I really want to XD 40. Do you have a crush on someone: lol I'm in a relationship. So yeah xD 41. What do you like about yourself: my self confidence. I like waking up happy with who I am and where I am in my life. 42. This is the meaning of life 😶 43. Bloodtype: Haven't a clue xD 44. Nickname: Ash, Ashlex, or Waffle 45. Relationship Status: in a relationship with a cool guy ❤️ 46. Zodiac: Scorpio 47. Pronouns: she/her 48. Favorite TV Show: Gotham, Constantine, and Lucifer for sure 49. Tattoos: (Vin that sounds totally adorable btw) I have one! It's a cracked Robin emblem from Under The Red Hood on my forearm. Jason Todd is my favorite 50. Right or Left Hand: Right. 51. Surgery: none yet 52. Hair dyed in different color: only red or black. I reeeeeaaaaally wanna do bright blue though some day 53. Sport: I took Tae Kwon Do for 7 years 54. ~What is this~ 55. Vacation: the last real vacation I went on was when we went to Ocean City for senior week 56. Pair of Trainers: lol excuse me? MORE GENERAL: 57. Eating: I'm doing Keto so I just had burgers with cheese and mustard lol 58. Drinking: like I said, all water all the time xD 59. I’m about to: go back to work T-T 60. ~There is no 60~ 61. Waiting for: Overwatch to drop some lore for Zenyatta. (come on Blizzard!) 62. Want: An air brush kit. Soon as Otakon is over I'm gonna save up for it! 63. Get Married: do I want to? Some day, yeah. But I'm in no hurry lol 64. Career: I'm hourly at Walmart. Lol WHICH IS BETTER:  65. Hugs or Kisses: uh. 66. Lips or Eyes: Eyes I guess 67. Shorter or Taller: uh depends I guess? Lol 68. Older or Younger: how much older or younger? XD 69. Some one needs to be fired over these lack of questions 70. Nice Arms or Nice Stomach: I don't care either way lol as long as they are happy with themselves 71. Sensitive or Loud: those aren't opposites though? XD 72. Hook up or Relationship: Relationship, definitely. <<<Ditto, Vin. 73. Troublemaker or Hesitant: I don't like to start trouble, so hesitant HAVE YOU EVER: 74. Kissed a Stranger: No 75. Drank Hard Liquor: I don't think so? I think what I've had isn't considered heavy but I don't know anything about it xD 76. Lost Glasses/Contact Lenses: I lose my glasses too much xD when I wake up sometimes I just wander around looking for them. I can see without them, it's just a little fuzzy. 77. Turned Someone Down: for what exactly? I've turned a couple guys down who've asked me to go to dances with them 78. Sex on the First Date: no way broseph 79. Broken Someone’s Heart: if I have, it wasn't on purpose. 80. Had your heart broken: Nope 81. Been arrested: no way 82. Cried when someone died: I just lost a coworker about a month ago. Man. I still miss him. :/ 83. Fallen for a friend: I probably could have. DO YOU BELIEVE IN: 84. Yourself: obviously ❤️ 85. Miracles: For sure 86. Love at First Sight: maybe. I do believe in instant connections 87. Santa Claus: I believe in magic! 88. Kiss on the First Date: nah OTHER: 90. Current Best Friend Name: Shelby 91. Eye Color: brown, bit on the lighter side 92. Favorite Movie: god it changes. I love the labyrinth, the Lego Batman movie, Hellboy, Sweeney Todd, Under The red Hood, bro so many movies That's it xD the end! Flew by man. I'll tag a few lovely people @living-in-a-fantasy-world @the-ass-assin @ginacartoon uh anyone else can do it too xD feel free to do it or not! ❤️