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submalevolentgrace · 1 year

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hi hello, sorry it's another amputee question, idk if you get tired of these. i found your blog and i like how you share your experiences, thank you for this. im abled myself but im writing a story, and i want my main girlie protag to have a prosthetic leg and here's the thing, i dont really have a reason for it. i guess it says something about me, don't know what, but i just don't know if that's considered, well, offensive, or rude, or something. i don't plan to have any focus on it in the story. the medium is a comic so it's going to be always visible as a prosthetic, but i don't want to explain it in-story either, no backstory, she would probably just have it since early childhood. it won't affect the plot. and that's where i don't know if that's even okay. it feels weird to want that, to include that, almost as if i need to somehow turn the story about it, to have some kind of statement. which i don't actually want to make or even feel able to make as never experiencing it. i want for her to have a prosthetic leg just because. and i don't have anyone to ask this, and i don't mean to offend you by this, and i apologize if i somehow did. but if it's okay with you to answer, i'd appreciate reading. if it's gonna be an angry rant i'd like to read it too. i know you're an upper body amp, but idk, i feel like this question isn't much about the use of prosthetics and more of the general amputee characters, and im scared to ask reddit, i don't even know if that ask made sense. thank you if you read that all, please don't feel pressured to answer. hopefully you'll have something good that brightens your day a little!

thank you, i actually really appreciate this ask! sorry that the response is long and wordy, i got a bit carried away…

so, i've gotten a lot of asks/dms/notes from writers asking about how to write their amputee characters/ocs after my big "writing advice" post, and i think i've ended up ignoring every single one of them, because… well, not to be rude to all those people, but they seem to have completely bounced off the whole 'know why you are writing this' thesis, too caught up in the excitement of their own fantasy to even notice the bit about understanding your own intent as an author and why that matters, let alone really engaging with it. and at that point, i don't think there's any advice or feedback i can give that would break through, especially when it seems what most people are seeking is little details and nuances to add authenticity to their token representation characters or unintentional stereotypes.

but, without any other details or nuances that shape a character's portrayal, based solely on what you've said in this ask, i feel like you're on the right track and probably gonna do fine. the thing that sticks out most clearly to me is how you phrase it, "i WANT to write a protagonist to have a prosthetic leg", you are acknowleding your role as omnipotent author, and i honestly think that's worth a lot more than many people realise when it comes to crafting fiction. you've acknowledged your desire for this character to be a certain way, and you're being introspective about the source of those desires and how it will come across - and that means you're almost certainly also thinking about how it interacts with the rest of the story, how it serves your themes, and how it will be interpreted and understood by the audience.

a lot of responses or people asking me for advice say things like "i am writing a character who HAS an amputation", implying it's an observable fact, pre-concluded before their authoring of them, and therefore something they're much less likely to examine critically. maybe it's unfair of me to draw such deep conclusions from shallow choice of language, but firstly, so many people have been far more obvious about it, saying a character "revealed" or "told" them about the amputation, or just straight up talking abot them as independent entities with their own agency, as if it's a biography and not fiction. and secondly, what are we even doing talking about improving the craft of our writing and how it will be recieved by the audience if we're not going to think about how framing affects interpretation? if someone is reaching out to me asking for writing advice, you bet i am going to assume this is a person who wants to improve the details of their own writing craft, and i'm going to critically engage with the tiny snippet of writing they've given me and analyse how it reflects on them, even if it is "just" a tumblr interaction. i don't even consider myself a writer really, the art i mainly dedicate myself to is music, but i still put careful thought into anything i write that's more than a few sentences, and think about the audience it will be seen by.

sorry, that's a whole other tangent… not at all about what you asked. but by way of example and segue back; what i see you reveal in the writing of your ask is a nervousness and anxiety to 'do well' in your writing, to create a character with an amputation in a way that holds up to scrutiny and criticism, and also a fear of what unfortunate things you might be saying and the responses it would provoke if you misstep. i can totally understand that, not just because you messaged me and i personally have a track record of going off on people lol, but also… yeah, people are very eager to judge and attack art based on a hidden metric of how 'well' it does 'representation' or handles things, and be vocal about the failings of things that make an earnest attempt. and i can see that it's very appealing to want to pull back and hide from that; a character who has a prosthetic leg opens you up to your audience critiquing how well you've handled it, most of them not amputees, many of them with the subtlety and media analysis skills of a sledgehammer… while if you write a story with no amputees in it, nobody has anything to critique.

unfortunately, no matter how well or carefully or authentically you write, there will always be someone engaging with it in bad faith yelling loudly about how awful you are; i recently made a short sharp post giving a trigger warning for medical abuse and body horror in the new zelda game that painfully evoked some of my own experiences, i still got people reblogging it telling me i'm ableist for saying disability is body horror (piss on the poor reading comprehension) and should apologise to all amputees (waves my one hand and nub around in a comical hello gesture). maybe that is on me for writing it quickly in an upset huff instead of making at least two proofreading and editing passes and oh geez, this is getting waaay too long and off topic. okay, to the point.

honestly, from what little you've told me, to be overly reductive, i'd give it a stamp of approval. sometimes people just only have one leg and that's fine, people are born like that, it's a thing that happens - and it doesn't need to shape the entirety of their lives, and reflecting that in fiction is more than just fine, i think it's what we need. sure any amputee character i write is going to be an overt commentary on ableism and medical abuse, because that's what i live, that's what affects me. but i know because i've watched their stuff on youtube, that there are so many people out there that were born limb different that just, don't care about it, and it doesn't really affect their life at all. if your protag has a prosthesis, sure she's had to get fitted for it and train for it, and it might benefit you to do an afternoon of research into that if you want to see how it might holistically flesh out her worldview (look up osseointegration vs external sockets, if you want keywords to help, look for patient experiences instead of doctors).

but also, if her other leg has finished growing and she's got a prosthesis that works, she may not have thought about it literally for years, maybe decades depending on her age. i had braces as a teen and it has zero impact on my life, i've had foot and back problems in the past, and it's irrelevant to me now other than getting new off the shelf shoe inserts every few years. i can think of at least one (australian) celebrity with a pretty long and successful comedy career who most people don't even know was born without one foot, it's just not relevant.

sometimes people just have things going on in the background that don't matter, and sometimes characters should have something just going on in the background too, no matter what "save the cat" sort of writing advice tells you. sometimes cutting literally everything out of a story unless it serves the plot or themes is bad actually, and i guarantee you, even as a hand amputee, i would absolutely LOVE to see a leg amp character who is just having a life, doing other plot relevant things. especially much more than i want to see all the characters of people leaving tags saying some version of "thanks OP, now i can write the suffering and torment of my oc much more authentically". think of the hypothetical little girl born without a leg that just wants to see someone like her.

and finally. what i think is maybe at the core of your anxiousness, at least to my read of your ask. you've thought about your role as author and self reflected about why you want to write a character with a prosthetic leg, and you can't find an answer in you, and you're not sure if that means it's something bad. well, assuming good faith from you, i think that's fine too. people who fetishise prostheses or amputations, people obsessed with the suffering or (percieved) depenedncy, or whatever else it is that makes them yearn to write their hacky awful robot arm characters; they probably don't do the introspection, and if they did, they'd find their answer right away (horniness or power fantasy usually), although i doubt they'd be honest with themselves about it, let alone others. assuming good faith and honesty, if you can't find in yourself WHY you want to write this character with a prosthetic leg….. it's probably just a harmless aesthetic preference.

if you wanted it to do cool things or make her more powerful or more special than others or be endless inconvenience and suffering or make her the chosen one because of it or something, that'd set off alarm bells for me yeah, and i'd be reading into it as a much more harmful aesthetic choice, and responding much more aggressively. but if you want to write a story about other things that features a protagonist who just so happens to have a plausibly normal boring prosthetic leg…. that seems fine to me, honestly. i tend towards having characters with certain hair and eye colour combinations that i find aesthetically pleasing, and as long as i'm thinking about how that could come across and trying to avoid any pitfalls around fetishisation and nastier implications, i think it's probably fine.

there are really only three concrete pieces of advice i would give you:

one, when you've got a cohesive first/beta draft, try to find at least one sensitivity reader who's got as similar disability experience as possible to your character (lower limb, same kinda circumstances, same general use of prosthesis), and listen to their feedback.

two, while i totally acknowledge that leg protheses can be super useful everyday kit for many people, i still have a general aversion to "this character NEEDS a prosthesis or they're helpless" readings, and many people don't want to or can't use leg prostheses… if it were me doing it, i'd make acknowledgement of that, and in a visual medium like a comic, i think that's as simple as having a single panel showing your character waking up in bed without the prosthesis, and maybe at her home there are forearm crutches leaning against the wall as background decoration. maybe if you have any scenes where she's woken up in the middle of the night, or interrupted before being fully dressed for the day, you could show them in use. but that's a personal value suggestion from me, your judgement or sensitivity readers might disagree on the importance of that.

three, you will absolutely need to establish as early and overtly as possible that the prosthesis and amputation DOES NOT MATTER to the story or her character arc. people still very much have a default normative body in mind when engaging with fiction, and anything that deviates from that will 100% be interpreted as a checkov's gun that they will be anticipating and theorising about going off, unless you squash that down. if you want to make a statement about it not mattering, unfortunately i think you're going to have to spell that out as obviously as possible without breaking the fourth wall, or else the audience trained on existing robot limb tropes will be waiting for the traumatic tragic backstory or secret rocket booster to become relevant.

but also…. i'm just some bitch on the internet, talking like i'm more important than i am, getting loudly angry about limb difference when i'm a pretty recent and unusual addition to the group myself. so like, don't take anything i say as absolute, and while it's always good to listen to others, at the end of the day you still gotta synthesise all their thoughts into your own.

i don't really have a nice concluding statement other than to say, thankyou for appreciating my post, and most importantly, thankyou for caring about the craft of writing enough to critically analyse your own authorship, and being curious about how to improve on a sensitive topic.

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dnangelic · 5 months

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IM DONE WITH THE FIRST LN..... it was rlly cute and idk how much i trust my summarizing skills (or google translate wheelchairing me thru everything) but ill try, disclaimer that not all of this will necessarily be in perfect detail or order bc i'm horrible at that but it's a gist(tm). LNs take place really early on in the series so daisuke still likes risa and hasn't properly figured out he likes riku yet, dark is WAAAAY more of a creep, etc. also putting it under a read more because it's enormous. open at your own discretion, this is ~200 pages condensed into one post

first few chapters is mostly shenanigans/general chara introductions and setting up the fact daisuke's class is doing a sleeping beauty school play. risa's the princess, hiwatari's the prince, daisuke and riku are basically fairy extras, but daisuke is also the last fairy with important lines that basically help to wake up the princess in the end. in the midst of all this daisuke transforms a couple of times but mostly keeps control of his body, clumsy gap moe darksuke stuff ensues, dark in his head even tells dai to go have some fun and daisuke snaps back that fun for dark is either stealing or flirting with girls and he's NOT doing any of that. 😂

daisuke kind of huffs and mopes about what's going on between him and dark a bunch, with dark 'stealing' risa away from him and simultaneously taking over his entire life, to which emiko offers to listen but daiki tells her that 'a confrontation with dark is a confrontation with oneself' and 'there's nothing you can do.' there's also this very nice passage about dark and his relationship with the artworks that happens:

daisuke was looking at the weathervane spinning on the roof of a certain western-style building. there are many buildings like this, which have both a profound sense of history and delicate beauty in the area where daisuke lives. as his mother once said, the townscape was perfect for a gorgeous phantom thief. these are precious objects that survived an era when art in general was treated badly by the rapid development of science and technology, and the people who used it. as works of art and the techniques used to create them were lost, their rarity value and prices soared, and now they were treated with more respect than before. daisuke had heard stories like this from his grandfather and mother. most of what dark aims for is something imbued with that lost technique. however, these items are not sold and are still sleeping in the basement of the niwa family's house. high tech is progressing in areas that can't be seen, and efforts are being made to prevent intrusions by unscrupulous people. ironically, the same science and technology that eliminated traditional crafts and their techniques are now being used to protect what little beauty and skill that remains. for daisuke, who transformed into dark, breaking through multiple security devices and traps to steal wasn't difficult to do. but how to earn the heart of the one he loved?

daisuke also misses kosuke (his dad) a whole bunch cause he isn't home yet and is still on a trip (he doesn't even know what his dad is really doing,) cue this portion too about his personal anxieties. interesting bits about how daisuke's family doesn't mind how daisuke does at school/goes as long as he prioritizes his skills as a phantom thief because a certain level of educational mastery is needed. daisuke wonders to himself whether or not his mom and grandpa would 'cry again if he asked them to be sensible' lmao.

anyways, emiko pulls out a couple of date tickets to a newly built aquarium/museum called the aqua dome/deep blue, says she'll pick out a cute and cool outfit for daisuke, dark offers to go in daisuke's stead, daisuke tells both of them to shut up and says that he can do it all himself. 'i'll never let you go!' he tells dark. at the aquarium itself it turns out the two tickets that emiko gave him provides admittance for two people per single ticket, so even though he expected a solo date with risa, riku and saehara show up too.

riku actually gets a lot of character focus for being 'strong' and not 'cute' like risa. she's simultaneously insecure/jealous but considerate of risa while risa likewise complains that no matter what she does, she'll still be the younger one with an older sister, and that can't change. riku's sense of conflict over liking daisuke while daisuke (at this point) still likes risa is described as her feeling both a 'burning feeling' and also being 'cold and dark as ice,' which i liked, given the way dnangel usually handles that thematic.

everybody (riku, risa, daisuke, and saehara) goes to a haunted house attraction. daisuke is willing to go because he thinks it's a good chance to show off his cool side since he's a pro at walking in the dark. there's a mechanical 'killer' that chases anybody in the haunted house, which daisuke immediately figures out in regards to how it functions. riku and daisuke also have a sweet moment where in the pitch dark daisuke starts shaking because he's terrified he's suddenly transformed, (he didn't) and gets misunderstood for constantly looking at the emergency exit, but riku grabs his hand and tells him everything's okay in a big sister-ly way, even though she's actually really afraid of blood and is trying to act tough to comfort/encourage him. she tells him not to be afraid because she's with him, daisuke says thanks then grabs her hand back. 'her hands, still a little smaller than the small daisuke's, stopped shaking a little.' 😭😭😭

they leave the haunted house attraction and figure out that saehara has pretty much gone off on his own. saehara comes across satoshi in a fancy suit inside an area 'modeled after some traditional opera house' (POTO REF POG) and satoshi gets described as 'some rich guy's bonbon' LMAO. wiz is also there and starts 'playing tag' with a guard. around the actual aquarium daisuke's having a great time, risa calls a sea otter cute and daisuke can't bring himself to say 'you're cuter,' which he's sure that someone like dark could have said without any embarrassment. (MY SON'S HIDDEN RIZZ!!)

daisuke finally gets to see the mermaid's tears (an artwork/red gemstones) being showcased at the bottom of the attraction, has this crazy moment:

'the reason for the "please do not lean over" warning on this fence is because the 3d light that is projected from the floor covering the mermaid's tears doubles as a sensor to detect intruders. the security device activates when the light is blocked. daisuke carefully listened as a security guard gave an explanation to two young women who were trying to touch the 3d mermaid.

that means we have to do something about security first.

reflexively thinking that, daisuke scratched his head and said 'no way, are even my thoughts turning into dark's?! i'm not going to turn into dark anymore!'

he screams internally while risa gets lost in the daydream sauce, they go to the gift shop, the great phantom dark is a broke ass middleschooler moment. all of the sudden, riku starts shouting at someone to give back risa's wallet- it's a pickpocket. daisuke's legs start moving as soon as he sees riku get pushed away and the pickpocket starts running. daisuke reminds himself he can't cause a commotion only as he's already tackling the guy, who he had absolutely no trouble catching up to/keeping up with. only, he's too small and there's no way he can compete with a grown man in strength, so he gets flung away. he stays where he is 'suppressing the urge' to throw a punch, hiwatari shows up above him sending security to catch the pickpocket, but also softly compliments daisuke for a 'great performance' while lending him a hand to stand up. turns out daisuke had stolen risa's wallet right back and still had it in his hand.

'what? ah ... ah .... '

it's obvious, after all. daisuke, holding risa's wallet in hand, could only laugh.

in fact, the split second daisuke was clinging to [the pickpocket,] he slipped the wallet out of the [pickpocket's] pocket, and just before he was hit by an elbow, he let go and fell. what he miscalculated was that he couldn't slow down enough and fell on his face. and then there was hiwatari. without him, this "perfect crime" would have been completed.

daisuke immediately starts considering satoshi and his own's circumstances.

'i once heard that people with cold hands have warm hearts. hiwatari is always alone. but is that what he wants? just like saehara, who is always chasing scoops, and like his classmates who attend cram school with their future in mind, i wonder if hiwatari is also trying to do something, at the expense of a normal, enjoyable school life. i wonder why he's going to such lengths to pursue dark.

even though i'm being chased, i have no goals. even though i'm just desperately struggling to escape from dark.

turns out deep blue if not the entire aqua dome was built Specifically with dark in mind, and that's why the area where the mermaid's tears' are is called the special exhibition room. daisuke bursts out laughing at the fact and hiwatari briefly touches him to ask if he's okay. daisuke blurts out asking if he wants to have fun too and hiwatari basically declines with nothing more than a 'faint, gentle smile' and a thank you. risa and riku rush over and start to fret over daisuke because his face has gotten all messed up; he tries to laugh it off and say 'it's no big deal' until riku's expression darkens and she asks him 'why are you being so reckless?'

even if someone asked me why, i couldn't answer because my body moved without any time to think.

(MY SON'S HIDDEN PROTAG SYNDROME!!) risa gets her wallet back and calls dai manly, dai gets rocketed into heaven just from that sole compliment. they go to the artificial beach that's part of the area, daisuke has a moment over risa and starts to transform.

daisuke ran as fast as he could, interrupting the love stories of the couples scattered on the beach. no matter how far you run, no matter how hard you run, your shadow will follow you. the strong midsummer sun gives the shadows a sense of presence. there is a clear boundary between light and shadow, but this is the opposite. what is shining is not the owner of this body, but dark, who's supposed to be a shadow...

... i'm embarrassed, pathetic, and angry because i was so excited. daisuke is always there. it's my other self who effortlessly accomplishes the things i want to do but can't.

dark walks out of the banyan forest daisuke had dived into and onto the beach like he's hot shit. unfortunately for everybody involved he is because the very first thing he does is start flirting with an icecream lady, who gives him an icecream cone 'about three times the height' of a normal ice cream cone, calling it a service. dark offers to give a picture or something in return to her btw, but she declines and only asks him to come again. dark says 'of course, i'll come to see you,' and winks swaggering off. he immediately hands off the icecream to some other girls who cling to his arms and bring up that he looks like dark, to which he has a total tony hawk moment.

'i thought i've seen you somewhere before, but don't you look like dark?' 'they look alike, it's so cool!' 'oh, did you find out? actually, i came to steal the mermaid's tears.' dark grinned, and the girls gaped for a moment, then burst out laughing. 'i almost believed it!' 'it's the truth.'

dark and risa have a moment, daisuke starts to fall into total despair. riku appears and dark hauls ass to transform back. everyone starts to leave the aqua dome because it's getting late, and it's riku and not risa who notices that daisuke is suddenly intensely depressed. he says he's fine and gives a half-hearted smile that looks like it's about to burst into tears, they fall into silence. cue a lovely image of daisuke staring blankly at the nighttime scenery. 'the image reflected in the window glass overlaps with the pitch-black town. without realizing it, he was gradually becoming darker.... daisuke couldn't escape.'

later in bed daisuke wakes up in a lot of pain to turn on the lights. he's relieved because 'instead of the beautiful phantom thief who is said to be more popular than idol celebrities, he saw a very ordinary face that is sometimes said to be cute.' turns out his back's hurting for the past few days harshly enough that he's getting sleep deprived. after transforming back from dark he fell about two meters (6~7 feet) and insists that he could have broken one or two bones if he weren't trained. emiko had laughed saying it was a product of his training, but for daisuke it wasn't any sort of laughing matter.

the pain is similar to the pain that occurs when transforming into dark. it slowly melts out from the core of the body. ugh, it hurts. it was a pain that felt like something was trying to forcibly reshape daisuke's body.

the next day at school saehara and daisuke start doing a manzai routine over wiz being caught transforming on camera. there's an ominous note in the midst of it regarding change: 'even if it transforms, then like a chrysalis, it won't go back to normal.' daisukes goes into the art room to finish on the last piece for the school play.

a forest of thorns covers sleeping beauty's castle. countless fingers that obstruct those who try to break the curse. i layered many kinds of dark colors on that forest. on her 15th birthday, sleeping beauty's future is suddenly closed to her, and her sadness is midnight blue. the thorns that cause anxiety are spruce green. the feeling of trapping despair is the same as dark's wings.

the glue made a clear shadow of daisuke on the test paper. the shadow of the brush that was creating the deep forest suddenly stopped moving.

it won't go back to normal. the curse can't be erased. i can't get those words out of my head. the only girl who can erase the curse is, of course, the only one who can see the curse itself. will i continue to be myself and no longer myself without anyone knowing?

hiwatari puts a hand on daisuke's shoulder as he's going unsteady and daisuke immediately says that he's fine, just not getting enough sleep- but also he hasn't made any progress on his homework, he has to memorize his lines, and he's being swayed by saehara. dai finally brings up that he's never really thought abut the future, and he immediately berates himself for talking about something like it in front of satoshi, who had excellent grades and was already part of the police force. hiwatari surprises him by saying 'me too, i've never though about the future. i've lived my life thinking only about one thing.' no further elaboration is given as hiwatari offers to help out and immediately picks out daisuke's coloring as 'the color of despair.'

daisuke laughed. i tried my best, but i ended up slipping up quite a bit. it's like i painted myself. like sleeping beauty, everything is taken away from her. her love, her body, even her future... she becomes dark and may never be able to return to her former self.

this might be a serious passage but daisuke comparing himself to a fairy tale princess is so funny and on point for me. YOU CAN DO THIS CHRISTINE!!! later after school emiko shows up with the entire aqua dome's cutaway floor plan, and daisuke has NO idea how she managed to get it but starts planning the heist out. everything is practically set against him; darkness is prevented, there's only one vent that's' too small to get through, and there are hidden passages not shown in the drawings. daisuke reaaally wants to stop being dark, dark himself yells NO!!! and emiko and daiki also barge out from the hallway to immediately berate him. 'don't be selfish! if you don't do it, who will? even though mother wanted to be dark, dai-chan just throws away his chance! that's terrible!'

daisuke shuts them out until they finally relent and his mother leaves him with a few last words of apology and this.

daisuke, don't blame dark for things you can't control yourself. i don't want to hear anymore about dark. daisuke covered his ears. what you're worried about now is nothing special. although it's a little different from what everyone else is having. don't be afraid. everyone notices their own carvings that they didn't know before. i'm going to go... his mother's voice did not reach daisuke.

emiko reminisces about her own mother telling her that while dark was never caught by the police and was sure that he had stolen a beautiful jewel, it was actually dark himself who had always been caught but never realized it.

several years have passed since then, and the time has come for the girl who wnated to be dark to be glad to be a girl. she meets the young man who will become daisuke's father and falls in love... the jewel in her heart shines like it's on firer. just for one person. you've already found your true treasure, right? aim for it. she imagined her son alone, waiting for the moment to take off into the great sky.

daisuke himself in the meanwhile is going thru it. he considers how his father can't be dark and wouldn't know dark, and likewise would be able to listen to daisuke's woes.

but where are you? when i woke up, my father wasn't home. that doesn't mean there were any problems, and judging from my mother's reactions, it seems like they were still passionately in love with each other. i've heard that he moves around the world for work, but i don't really know what kind of work he does. i can't believe that my father was also a thief...

...this may be the first time i've felt my father's absence so much. my mother and grandfather were enough to care for me, and even more, they always played with me when i got home. hide and seek, tag, and dogeball. survival versions with traps. ah, now that i think about it, i can only think that it was meant to help me escape when i became dark. once, when he was caught in a trap and injured, daisuke asked his grandfather, 'why do i have to do this?' now is not the time. when the young boy complained in tears, his grandfather flatly told him, ' the time will come when you understand.'

baby daisuke calls his grandpa a shitty old man (kuso jiji/くそじじ) which he apparently picked up through imitation from saehara without knowing what it meant, absolutely flooring poor daiki for a second before he decides to give daisuke a hint: 'all of this is to steal the maiden's heart.' dark pops up and he and daisuke bicker a little, which is really more like dark keeps his casual, annoyingly playful attitude while daisuke gives him a cold shoulder.

'i don't know dark. i don't even know what's going to happen to me...' ---isn't it interesting? i'm excited to see what happens. daisuke didn't have anything better to say to dark, who kept his playful tone. 'anyway, dark is special. he can do anything and knows everything.' --- ah, i've been perfect since the moment i existed in this world. but that's also boring... i need to refresh myself by playing with a pretty lady.' 'that's just a hobby, isn't it?' ---'i wouldn't say so. an unapologetic, bright voice. daisuke felt silly worrying about something like this. why did i talk to someone like dark... well, it would have been understood even if we didn't talk. dark, who seems to have fun doing everything and never takes anything seriously. while concentrating on the conversation in his mind, daisuke forgot about the pain in his body and fell asleep. ---do you know what it means to never change? daisuke couldn't hear it. dark's voice was a little serious. big deal... if you really want to win against me, you should change it. our destiny.

emiko and daiki warmly send daisuke off to school with a sports bag containing dark's clothes and some other supplies, daisuke apologizes to them in his mind and swears to himself again that he wouldn't turn into dark, which is a goal he terrifically fails as soon as the day is up thanks to riku. dark heads off to the aqua dome to finally get the heist started. cue the cool heist stuff, which i'm too lazy to transcribe the majority of rn, but trust me it's pretty cool and wiz is once again not getting paid enough for all the shit dark and dai make him do. daisuke refuses to speak throughout about half of the heist until dark cracks a joke about how 'loved' he is, and daisuke finally snaps that it's not the time to be joking and he's worried about getting caught and how he has to go to school tomorrow. (daisuke...) dark grins and brings up that daisuke finally spoke, then he immediately gets waterboarded and sent off to a different area by a flash flood. they're now stuck outside the area of their plans, daisuke starts having another moment of doomspiralling before dark tells him to quit it -

'don't think so darkly. i won't get caught.' ---where does that confidence from from...? 'where is this?' with the thumb of his tight black glove, dark pointed to his chest. 'are you that worried that you're being hijacked?' dark laughed arrogantly. 'there's no way anyone would like something like that.' daisuke felt as if his chest had been sliced open. he should have been able to feel the pain in his body right now. even though it's not there, there's still an unbearable pain. if you like and love something so much that you can't accept the growing feelings, it might be easier if they just disappeared. after all, it was my fate to be swallowed up by dark...

some more running around, risa clings to wiz-dark, saehara's somewhere in here too, you kids are crazy. at some point dark and dai start having this conversation:

inside dark, daisuke was devastated and drenched with worries. i don't want to think about anything anymore. then i'll happily take over your body and your future, just as you wish,' happily spoke a deep voice. 'and the one you like.'

daisuke remembers riku and unconsciously calls out to dark, who tells him 'don't yell. it's too late now. if it's fate, you'll just follow it while crying the whole time.' daisuke hits back with 'you don't know that yet! i'll change it!' to which dark grins and eggs him on a little more with a 'you tell me.'

'keep going like that and get out of here. please, brother. (kyodai/兄弟) ---we're not brothers. however, it wasn't a complete denial. in truth, somewhere deep down he was enjoying stealing beautiful works of art and playing chase with the police. maybe it was just as my grandfather had said, or maybe i was just being dragged along by dark's heart. what daisuke hated was himself. i found myself being dragged along by a situation that was unexpectedly changing at a dizzying pace. daisuke laughed. perhaps only dark can see that expression. because right now, in reality, this body is not my own. this heart is the only thing that keeps it alive. that's why you can't use it unless you feel strong. even if no one can see you, even if no one can hear you, this is proof that you are definitely here. daisuke can't help but recognize dark's true strength. and for the first time, i called out to my other self from the bottom of my heart. ---we're accomplices, right? we're the only companions who share everything, including our bodies and memories. a phantom thief who violates a maiden's heart. however, i don't like how he's always one step ahead of me.

this cuts into daisuke looking through dark's eyes trying to figure out a way to escape from the area they're trapped in, and the hilarious description of 'the artificial beach where dark was picking up girls' being the location right above them. hiwatari shows up and pulls out the cuffs, daisuke can't do anything but watch as he and dark dodge and squabble. hiwtari pulls out the heartwrenching line 'how many sacrifices have been made for your existence!' at dark, and hiwatari's suffering and pain is described as 'something that daisuke also knew well.' even though daisuke in truth had been enjoying himself, he couldn't anymore with hiwatari like this.

but... now, while he's cornering dark, there's hiwatari who feels like he's been cornered himself. i don't want him to look at me like that anymore.

hiwatari slips after cuffing dark and daisuke freaks out for him, 'reaching out for him' despite not being the one in control of the body. satoshi's glasses break but dark catches their owner, while hiwatari himself looks up at dark 'as if he to ask why he helped him.'

'there's someone who wants to help you.'

dark pulls out a flare/lighter of sorts and sets off a fire alarm and lets him escape, he turns back into daisuke who ends up meeting up with riku and risa. daisuke thanks wiz for helping him and being willing to jump into water even though wiz hates water, daisuke goes home clutching the mermaid's tears, a red gem that 'shines like a flame.' hiwatari muses that dark is an opponent you have to be careful with and that if you let your guard down or get impatient even a little bit, he can easily escape. later daisuke heads off to school again and 'mobilizes all the gods and buddhas to pray at the last minute that he would not transform into dark' during the school performance. riku's trembling from stagefright and when the trade glances she says 'it doesn't matter, i don't have many lines,' to which daisuke says 'don't say things like that. everyone has a role to play. besides...' the stage is set, the lights go out, and in the darkness, daisuke holds hands with riku. 'i'm with you.'

sleeping beauty turns out to be a huge success, the kids pour soda water all over each other instead of champagne, and the daisuke from a while ago probably wouldn't have been able to enjoy that sort of nonsense.

'i'm soaking wet, i'm covered in bruises, all sorts of things happened... i don't know what's going to happen to me, but something is starting to move. daisuke thought it might be a good idea to let the wind blow around him, because the future can be repainted freely.'

the LN closes with emiko finding a picture of riku that daisuke can drawn into his sketchbook, the mermaid's tears beside it.

the light reflected by the jewel, which contains intense feelings that cannot be expressed in words, appears to be lighting a red flame on the chest of the girl in the painting. the flame of my heart burns brightly.

#fav #reference.#*･ﾟ⊰ 𝐎𝐔𝐓 𝐎𝐅 𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐃𝐒. ⊱ ✦ › OUT.#nd that's book one. my brain hurts now #somewhere in the earlier section is sato going full vampire n putting his lips to a wound #dai gets while they're painting #so that it doesn't get their work ruined #the detail shows up a few times #what with dark n dai sharing wounds #but whatevs #i couldnt figure out how to put it into the post after i had already started writing it. rubs my fingers into my temples

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fate-motif · 11 months

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zero!!

First impression: oh that’s a funny character! love having a nonbinary lead, even if it’s an alien, and i like how weird they are

Impression now: all i can tell you is that it’s true that if you look at a medusan you lose your mind because after watching a moral star pt. 2 i sure haven’t been the same

Favorite moment: even though zero fighting off the borg with the power of friendship is an extremely close second i’m still gonna go with the classic “zero obliterates the brain of their slave owner”

Idea for a story: not sure if this counts exactly as a zero story but i was toying once about writing a fic where zero kept themselves from falling into despair by dwelling on a story shared by their hivemind of a medusan craft that had fallen into a planet populated by organics where the single survivor had no hope of escape lest they destroy the minds of everyone they came across until they met a friendly blind child who aided them in their journey to return to their hivemind

Unpopular opinion: not sure how unpopular this would be since opinions on prodigy in general are rare on this site but i maintain that zero isn’t an adult, even if it’s hard to get around the fact that they don’t physically sound very young. often times i just see people just put zero and jankom in a weird “idk what to do with them” category because dal and gwyn are very obviously teens, rok is obviously a child, but zero and jankom’s voices don’t sound like they’re young and that makes people not feel the same “omg they’re so young” affection they do for the others? which sucks because i kind of like that zero sounds Like That but is still a juvenile medusan. they don’t have a body, their voice probably projects the person they’ve become through having been part of a hivemind with many long lived adults, but their actions are still pretty Young. i enjoy that disconnect. no hormones to fuck up your vibe.

Favorite relationship: honestly i love their relationships with anyone in the cast but maybe it’s because dal’s my other favorite character that i lose my mind every time these two interact whether they’re bickering about plans or trying to protect each other. also you cannot deny that it isn’t hilarious that zero saw dal r’el, the living embodiment of adhd, and went Ah Yes, You Are Our Hope. how horribly right that assumption would turn out to be.

Favorite headcanon: they never cared about what corporeal existence would be like until running away from tars lamora, and then suddenly getting to know their friends through their perceptions of them they wondered what it’d be like to have physical parts that would capture these “senses” of theirs to convey their persons. maybe if they get a good enough suit, they can mimic something similar?

#star trek #pro #fandom #star trek prodigy #fugitive zero #medusan zero #I’M GONNA KEEP TRUCKING. WE’RE GONNA SURVIVE.

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starzgaze · 1 year

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so I caved in LMAOO (14DWY OC)

MORE INFO UNDER THE CUTTT!!!

INFO ABT CALI :]

• They go by any pronouns!!

• majored astrophysics(doctorate) and Biomedicine !! and is planning to take architecture in the future

• a huge overachiever in acads even back then!! not Alot of people went and talk to them to be friends and mostly used them for academics because they can't say no Alot of the time (sadly)

• Genuine loves learning things and you could see them spending their break reading stuff in the aisle where stem bullshit or mythos are in

• despite being very good in science or math it's not exactly natural talent? well some part of it is but compare it to medical field... they're far more better in that field surprisingly but they didnt take medical in college so.. that's that

• really good with taking care of people and wounds!! surprisingly empathetic?? like when it comes to taking care of people they're very empathetic idk how to explain it's just if they're not taking care of people they're not as empathetic they might be insensitive but it's just they don't really understand social cues or some emotions 😞

• other than that they like alot of niche things and that Include games!! THEY LOVEEE STORY BASED GAMES!! (what remains of Edith Finch is the perfect example) but they also like other type of games!! they're willing to play fps or first person shooting games it's just... they suck at aiming and will probably stay with being a healer or something because they deadass cannot aim AT ALL

• Cosplay is their side gig I don't have anything to add on to this but they craft everything and stitch it by theirselves

• they know how to bake!! they love making pastries and sharing it to their friends but like it's more of a daydream because they're too scared to share anything or gift something they MADE soo... :(

• They're short. like 5'2 short LMAOOO they have to wear heels or heeled shoes to reach Ren's chin

- impressive voice range like their voice stays in high but when they just woke up it's SURPRISINGLY DEEP?? like not deep deep just like mid deep

- has a weird talent?? they can dislocate their shoulders at will 😭

-also weird body temperature?? it changes randomly like they're cold and then suddenly they're warm?? they complain about it constantly

-their cat is named yolk and they squeak like a seagull and they're very talkative and affectionate

RANDOM FACTS??

• They can sing!! only when drunk tho

• when being flirt with they will not understand it. like you have to be very bold with it like?? I'm just saying if you flirt with them theyre gonna take it literally and look at you with genuine confusion (they'll understand it 4 hours later)/ Internet explorer ass)

•their clothes has some designs of wings, their usual jacket they wear usually is has a pair of wings at their back as the design !!! or have one of their hair clips as wings <3 (haha angel thingy haha)

• too many books and is literally broke from buying too many shit

• DESPITE probably having a very hectic schedule having no sleep at all in a week uhm THEY HAVE ALOT OF ENERGY, for someone who based their whole look off their cat and looking like a person who's personality is probably cat like uh they're actually more of a golden retriever!! <3

• their real name is actually valentine but like.... they didn't like it at all because their real birthday is in April and they were genuinely confused about it so they changed it to Cali !

• Shakes their hands or do small jumps if they're excited or very happy and when they're very overwhelmed by any emotion they cover their ears and closes their eyes (ex is when an intense scene in a horror movie they cover their ears when jumpscare happens) also does random noises when spacing out LMAO

• KNOIWS how to crochet!! they love doing amigurumi versions of people :]

• also their bed is really comfy.. well uh two beds?? they have a loft bed and like a bed on the .... floor... yea.... haha but BOTH BEDS ARE REALLY COMFY and cozyy <33

• THEY LIKE ALOT OF FASHION STYLESS!! their closet is really diverse :3 but currently they're into acubi/gorpcore/ whatever the fuck they want to put on style !

• will probably cry if you seem genuinely interested in their ramblings of stars or numbers (they will)

• they're also ALWAYS seen holding something?? anything but they're mostly seen holding a bag and fiddling with it, if you let them hold ur hand they will be over the MOOONN

• they may be academically smart but they're common sense and general knowledge STUPID (srs)

ok I'm done rambling abt them wow @14dayswithyou (IM SO SORRY FOR @ BUT I SAW SOMEWHERE TO @ YOU IN 14 DAYS WITH YOU STUFF AND ANDN DNND IM SO SORRY IF YOU DIDNT WANTED TO BE @ ED I CAN DELETE JT 😭)

#oc #yandere visual novel #14 days with you #14dwy #14dwy oc

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jamiscrazy4krerdly · 1 year

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Awesome swag new pfp = not being terrified of social media for a day yay. Everyday I suffer from the looming fear of not doing the Demigirl Catti with Ghoul Neos community justice when I am the only member of the Demigirl Catti with Ghoul Neos community </3. Can guarantee ghoul will play a humongous ginormous gargantuan part in both of my AUs that I’m working soooooo hard on!!! “I thought this was a Krerdly blog??” Sorry not sorry, get Catti namedrop jumpscared. BOO!! (Dw, the gamers still get to be the main characters or whatevsss.)

(Tysm @solasaich for the amazingest Kris ever!! I experience a little more gender envy towards them every passing day.)

Pogress (pog progress) report: shitting my pants. Favorite written down thought: “is this foreshadowing or foreshitting?” (I had a crisis about something inconsequential the day I’m writing this except I’m writing this at midnight so it was technically yesterday!!!) I will be very lucky if even one of my stuffs gets done before the end of the year. But Gamers… I am totally writing Demiromantic Kris so good it is insane; the Krerdly nation is LOSING for one of my AUs lets fucking gooo. (I’ll make dedicated posts about them EVENTUALLY!! Pinky promise. Cutting off my pinky.)

Alsooo, I learned how I like to write Ralsei so I can’t wait to put him in the spotlight for one of my fics!! Aaand then pretend he doesn’t exist for the other, sorry. My ability to sideline characters is unparalleled!! (RIP Asriel LMAO)

ALSO also I’m making a Deltarune Personality quiz on UQuiz maybe. 7 Results, 10 (?) Really Dumb Questions (so far). I color coded the assigned points for individual answers to individual questions and it made me happy. (Susie is ourple)

Ok ok ok I need to write this somewhere so now is a good time as ever: I am so MAD at myself for not putting my silly little tags in my latest ao3 fic >:( idc if it was improper or whatever the hell I should’ve been able to put #successfully-injected-20-ounces-of-silliness-into-Kris WITHOUT FEELING BAD!! I even decided NOT to mention how I think Kris (and all non-binary people for that matter) should totally one-bajillion-percent be allowed to have boobs without being ridiculed for it. The many shapes of our little flesh vessels are obviously not inherently indicative of our gender identity at all and I had the perfect opportunity to state that fact in the notes section but I DIDNT because Kris wearing a binder is part of their character and story that I’ve crafted for them and I wanted to address it properly in another future fic but it’s such a MINOR THING and won’t be this super dramatic factor that’s the center point of an entire fic like I made it out to be like WHY was I so lame and didn’t take a stance on that when I had the chanceee?? UGH!!!

Speaking of fics!! So far I’ve posted one for Christmas and Valentines, right? Well besides my draft for New Years it recently dawned on me that I still need to make one for Halloween and I’ve never written horror before (besides some stupid spontaneous one-off paragraph comment for a yaoi on wattpad IDK what 12 year old me was thinking) so YEAH idk I guess I’ll try my best, I have a couple good ideas?? If push comes to shove I can always revert to “ice cream cake full of fluff with an acidic slice of plot on the cutting knife” or some bullcrap.

Ok enough thinking, I’ve already had to do soooo much that while trying to think of a new nickname for Kris every single fic. I’ve brainstormed some real bologna, but I AM proud of the one I came up for my Deltadungeon AU! Title pending…

THIS bullet point is is dumb but… does anyone play Roblox? Yes? Ok, follow-up question: do you know what Doodle World is? It’s like the bestest pocket monster game on the site. Basically I’m forming a Deltarune theme team consisting of Kris Berdly Susie Noelle Catti and Jockington and if I record some good battles with my trashy theme team I might post them somewhere somehow idk lol but it’d be funny. I cannot WAIT for nothing to come of this.

I saw someone say they HATE Kriselle (on pintrest of all places) and since I’m a multi-shipper AND a certified hater I’m dedicating this paragraph to be a meanie to that person specifically. They are THE childhood friends to lovers!! Noelle watches in abject horror as Kris puts every shape in the square hole. Kris shows off their blades and Noelle tells them blades are for skatin’ and calls them a dingus. Noelle chases after the knight and Kris screams “GIRLFRIEND, STOP, GET BACK IN THE CARRGRHG” while she goes “youuuu come back here” and tackles the knight to the ground, knocking the helmet off and revealing Berdly underneath. Just thought I’d let you all know!!

Ok but honestly I’ve been sooo obsessed with Catti and Ralsei interactions. I have a vivid image in my head of Kris setting ghoul up on a date with an alleged “Prince of the Dark” and then Catti sees this sweet fidgety guy in bright colors and flowy clothing and ghoul’s like “figures” and it PROBABLY doesn’t work out if we’re being realistic but I’m holding out hope!! Rise up, Catsei (Ralti?) shippers!!

Ok gamers as a treat for putting up with me this far I present to you with a scenario: Kris and Berdly on a cloud-watching picnic date with a basket and flowers laying on a blanket except NEITHER of them are actually cloud-watching get epicly pranked!! Berdly’s on his 3DS playing Mii Plaza while Kris is letting bugs crawl on them and thriving. That’s so cool I almost can’t believe that it’s real. Everybody look forward to my upcoming fic based entirely around this idea titled “Kicking Back (A Green Shell)!” /j

Anyway for Halloween Krerdly is Waluaisy while Suselle is Bowigi you’re all WELCOME!!

#let xem cook…#btw Catti is the knight the angel the prince from the dark and gaster #WHY DID YOU LET XEM COOK???

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septembersghost · 11 months

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Diff anon but sometimes it really is better to dissociate muses from songs. Because you gets more freedom to analyse songs in a way you weren't able to before. I remember someone interpreting style/ treacherous parallels. And it blew my mind. TO ME those songs came from similar emotional grounding. Sexual tension, drawn to danger(this slope is treacherous,I like it/burning flames or paradise.....watch us go round'n'round) and doing opposite of sensible thing, even midnight reference. The only problem I found was that the person who wrote it was using these points to argue how its about harry. And while I definitely agree backstory makes some songs(atw, style, delicate etc) better some are definitely better off left alone. Couple of weeks ago I saw someone argue clean is "jake/harry" and I don't understand this desire for it to be about one person at all. Especially since she is a human being who goes through a lot. Days ago I saw her performing IAD at red tour and her speech was something like this. 'We all have one person, or maybe two, who you want to call but is resisting". Separating emotions and associating it with one person is hard. Especially when you are having multiple back-to-back heartbreaks. The connections you find in an artist's music has more to do with artist than the muse. This is why some songs are joe-coded even when it was written before she met him. This is why last kiss is one of the saddest Taylor songs eventhough fandom collectively agrees jake was her first true heartbreak. This is why Polaroid is not a harry-exclusive thing. The parallels between yaom and clean are there but that's not the proof that clean was about her high school bf. As we grow up, we associate same things with different people at different times. This fandom really want to nail down every songs and conduct paternity test and sometimes the narrative that crafted with it is invasive as fuck(there is a theory that Taylor hooked up with jake after red released because 'clean is not about anyone else so Taylor mentioning 10 months is proof' and I hate all these theories with passion. Swifties sometimes are very invasive.

i think what started the fierce association with muses as far as taylor goes were differing theories that got so out of hand, kind of in the way you mention - we know treacherous is NOT about H, and yet the people who insist a bunch of red is inspired by him end up getting argued with by the people who say it isn't (because logic), and this leads to a vicious cycle of asserting reality through the facts and timelines we have, and yet many things remain presumption. it's sort of like the fighting that happened about maroon being assigned to anyone and everyone (it's about tom! it's about harry! it's about joe! it's about taylor's neighbor's cat!) when she spelled out the obvious answer for us. this leads fans who are in essence trying to be protective of her and her truths to become defensive (and i've done this too) so that her own experience doesn't get erased, only then it can also become invasive itself or a misrepresentation of details that she wields to craft metaphors rather than being wholly literal. idk if you saw this post, but that second tweet makes me think so much of her work. songs are not separated by fiction/nonfiction, it bleeds together.

The connections you find in an artist's music has more to do with artist than the muse. this part. taylor has a very clear, uniquely specific voice in her writing, in her "pens" - the echoes and connections throughout her work are often because that's how she perceives and captures the world.

i've said many times before that i don't think it's wrong to understand the core story and person a song may be about, we know what we know and taylor's experiences are still her own, and we don't entirely divorce art from its inspiration (i've definitely used this reference before, but bright star is beautiful on its own as a romantic poem, and powerful when you know about fanny brawne and what was happening to keats, one meaning doesn't negate the other, the same is true of music). the tricky part comes in when fans either say you're not allowed to interpret the songs in your own personal way or apply them however you want (to your own personal life, to fictional characters, whatever else), or when people say we're not allowed to acknowledge what taylor is saying about herself in her own writing. there's an important middle ground! we can and should be able to do both, respect both, and value both.

#anonymous #letterbox #thrown out speeches

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bookofmirth · 2 years

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lele I think this fandom needs to have "unreliable narrator" taken away from them until they learn how to use it correctly. why do I see so many comments about how acosf is a more accurate depiction of everyone because it's 3rd person "omniscient" (which isn't true) and 1st person is just so unreliable? 😭

first 👏 person 👏 is 👏 not 👏 inherently 👏 unreliable

We know *LESS* about the world in first person narration, but what we know isn't necessarily WRONG.

In fact, given the way that sjm writes, there is no reason to assume that anything Feyre experienced is actually wrong because sjm doesn't use first person in order to trick the reader! There are other reasons to use first person narration that have nothing to do with being a big ol' liar.

We may as well dismiss everything that a first person narrator has ever said as untrustworthy if that were the case, but it's NOT THE CASE. The main thing to be aware of with first person is that there are facts that the MC is unaware of, but really talented writers can still give us that information without the MC being aware. SJM is not one of those writers who does that, which is fine. But there is zero reason to mistrust what Feyre felt, knew, and experienced, just because she was the one telling the story. Her "view" of the IC is just as valid as Nesta's because they are unique individuals who have different experiences, values, goals, etc.

acosf is NOT more accurate. It's just not!

We got Feyre's perspective in acotar through fas, and now we have Nesta's perspective. It's not even omniscient because we don't get any information that Nesta (and sometimes Cassian) are not also privy to. We are still limited to knowing the world through their experiences.

You know how I know? This is just one example, but we had ZERO hint that the Dread Trove existed until we were in the room with Nesta, reading as she listened to Amren describe it. If the story were truly omniscient, and if it were truly *not* tied to Nesta's (skewed!) perspective, then we, the readers, would have been able to know or figure out the existence of the Dread Trove before Nesta did. But no. We are still limited to her perspective in acosf!

Another reason I know that acosf is NOT objective and NOT "more" true than any other book in the series, is that I was able to read a sentence and think "um, no, that's actually not true, that's just how you see it, Nesta". E.g. when she thinks about how she's worthless, I know that that's not true, but it's how she feels. When she thinks that Elain is like a dog, I knew that wasn't true. When she thinks about how Feyre and Elain chose other people over her, I knew that wasn't true. Why would anyone want any of those statements to be "objectively" true just because of how those thoughts were conveyed to us???

I haven't seen these posts so idk what people are saying, but the thing that annoys me is that these are potentially really interesting conversations about how the characters shift once we focus on someone who has a very different relationship with them, but I suspect that people say things like this and then tag the posts "pro Nesta" and "anti Feyre". If I'm wrong then that would be great! I just wonder, what is the reason behind trying to argue that Nesta's book is more "accurate" than the 3.5 we got from Feyre's perspective?

Writers and literary critics don't talk about first person narration as a way to prove that one character is "better" than another, it's about craft and the allowances and constraints of first person versus omniscient, or third person close. 💀

WAIT I also want to add on that "unreliable narrator" isn't something that this fandom needs to discuss ever because it's just not a feature of this series, unless it's to talk about something like... what Eris and Mor say about what happened between them. But even then, we already got her POV, so...

#sorry i ranted haha #acotar fandom #ask #anon

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angelic-din-mortem · 1 year

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I guess I should clarify something after talking to some people, but putting it on this blog for reasons.

So I know a few things I do on here are a bit...odd? Be it how I follow people, interact, send or in many cases don’t send stuff, or my rping style, or even why my muse is the way he is, or my activity habit. So let me just explain a bit and get it out of the way, not being forced to do this, just that sometimes people don’t get the right idea for why I do things.

Following people: I usually NEVER follow people first, on ANY of my blogs. Simply because I am not sure if my muse is wanted or not, or myself for that matter. Some people prefer being followed by certain muses or fandoms, so to not cross their comfort I usually don’t follow first. Sure I may follow back if they followed me, if I am comfortable or interested enough and its a character I can see myself rping with, yeah...

Interact: Simply put, I am a people pleasure, I want make everyone proud and happy and all that...but last few years on tumblr and FF14, etc, I was used and abused in so many ways then I care to admit, making me VERY paranoid and uneasy around others, doesn’t help I am naturally shy, and not one to care for a lot of attention, so sorry for not reaching out first usually... Usually interact more with friends and people I talk to in ways that I can be comfortable to reach out to them, ic or ooc, but I sadly can’t do this with everyone and every day... so sorry...

Sending stuff: Pretty much above reasons, fact that Idk if people would want a meme from me so I just don’t send one unless asked or told I can in person, I just don’t want to annoy or make people feel required to answer. And I get super nervous if its appropriate to send, so usually only do this if confident enough and or comfortable with the person.

Rping style: Thing is, I am rarely on, fact is I was gone a lot the last few years trying please people on FF14 to point that was all I did. Got so bad and blew up in my face so hard I was so scared to come back here, afraid they bring the drama here, and they did in a sense, but not as much. So I am rusty from being gone a lot do to drama and health reasons. Also I am dyslexic, both reading and speaking, my grammar sucks, due to these things and being so rusty with rping, I know my writing can be unreadable, making it hard for people want to continue, and usually write with people comfortable with my writing or asking me for understanding, luckily my best friend and rp partner can read my stuff very well so least I got that going.

My muse: He is actually pretty mellow and quiet and not so much of a sore thumb guy, but he wants to be because it’s important for him be out there for people at times. I am usually very secluded and quiet myself, Angelic helps me cope and be more happy and carefree and relaxed from writing him. He is a very complete character that pretends be very simple because people can handle simple and straightforwardness, though he may not seem so forward in speaking. Lol. He is a prized muse I wrote for over ten years in all kinds of fandoms, he used to be very popular in a lot of them, now, most people moved on, and as for myself and my breaks, well... He is just a muse I want be one day, a lot of things I have experienced and seen I put in him, quite proud of it, he’s far from perfect, but doesn’t stop him from trying be the best he can, I look up to him for that.

Activity: I have health issues...what more...I am still recovering from years of abuse... To be quick, I am a mentor in FF14, all my classes are 90 (ALL CLASSES), I have over ten accounts, I am used to helping one to six or more people in things. I rarely ate or slept, hell I missed a lot in the game due to being told to speed through or else... fun... Being the people pleasure I am, I tried everything, crafting and gathering and helping with story to savage content to helping with rooms and clothes and rping and you name it, probably did it. My like was consumed by FF14, more so by people I wanted to please and be proud of me...It was...bad...didn’t eat or sleep really... mind none stop focus on wanting help and be useful and wanted...it...was...BAD...so bad I had friend demand and plea to take breaks and rest and stop doing any FF14 for a week or more... Yeah... It blew up in my face, severely, three times specifically... Luckily majority left my life, still tries stir drama with me... but whatever... Hence why I was gone a lot here as well because some used to rp with me...I am a lot better, but I have a lot of health issues still (always will be), and just...yeah...recovering... so that’s why I am so sparse, some great days and some good days and weeks or even months I am gone, lol. That’s me. I don’t tend to promote my blogs now because honestly, I am tired... And I just...well...I want people naturally come to me because they are interested in me and my muses, be it Angelic or some other...may mention muses on other blogs and here but yeah...Idk... I used to be very popular on a lot fandoms and now I just want to rest after everything. LOL... Look at me being a old retired person mentality. Hahahaha! But yeah, just..hah... Yeah...

So yeah there you have a general idea of things. I won’t mention stuff like this usually if at all, as I try keep most things privet these days unless they are pertinent to the muse or something important enough, but yeah. Anyway back to rping.

#ooc #tw: mental health #tw: eating disorder #tw: mental illness #tw: abuse #enough negativity now.#going try and have some fun.

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blehblarghblah · 2 years

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I know this is probably annoying. Great start right. But I just want to say, I read one of your very old stories (the untold avatar one) like once a year. Idk why, I only ever shipped that a little, yet the way you wrote the characters was so dramatic, fun and full of banter that it's one of the stories I haven't gotten out of my head since 2019 when I first read it. I'm not expecting a continuation btw, I'm an author myself and I know how you can lose the passion for a story people deeply love or just don't have the means to write it anymore emotionally speaking. But I just want you to know that whenever I think of that fandom, I specifically think of your fic. And I want to you to know the impact your stories have on people. You're a great author. And I'm sure in the years that passed you have become even better at your craft. You have a real talent at storytelling and especially at building character arcs. And you probably don't hear that enough.

Shit Anon, you got me actually crying here.

I really needed to hear this today.

This isn't annoying in any capacity at all, but instead very refreshing to hear. I gotta preface this with saying that Legends of Avatar: the Untold Story, is a very dear fic to me that I do plan to return to eventually. Not anytime soon, but ATLA's fanbase is timeless and I believe I can return to it whenever. But Taang has always been a special ship to me and so has Legend of Korra's lore and world building, and bridging the two quasi fandoms as a semi canon compliance/divergence fic mixed with a pre-canon timeline was a great challenge.

But in all honesty? That fic was a blast to write. As you say, the characters gave me so much to work with in the lens I wanted and I was warmed to see it was well received. Knowing I was working with an angle perceived as borderline crazy in shaking up canon, but still adhering to a strange set of consistencies was entertaining as I saw people slowly find intrigue. It worked.

Here's a crazy fun fact for all you new followers/readers of mine: all the shit I'm writing right now? Would not be possible if it weren't for Legends of Avatar: the Untold Story. It's why the stories I make today are thought out, thorough, but most of all, as true to character as I can work with. Putting my all into that story taught me that there is a payoff to dedication and practice. I was still an amateur then, but even I look back at that story and occasionally find myself gobsmacked with my prose.

"Wow, I wrote that? Me? Amazing!"

I don't think I'd edit anything aside from grammar mistakes when I do return, but I'm still proud of it. I still have notes and the whole plot laid out, so it's not like I don't know where it'll go. I still have the next chapter WIP set up and already begun. I've reworked it many times, but it's there!

And you, Anon?

You're the reason why I write these stories. I used to grow up reading fanfics, and to this day, I still stay up reading them. But I always had that feeling you describe, the one where when I think of a fandom there's just one fic, fanart, cosplayer, who just comes to mind. I never thought: "Wow, I wanna be that person!" But I always thought,

"I wanna make others feel things with stories the way they made me feel."

Occasional praise like yours is all I need sometimes, because it's a good reminder that though I have progressed as a writer, I still did touch people with my stories even then. Thanks, Anon. And I'm glad I managed to impact you and others, in ways like this.

Stay safe and take care all!

Until next post,

-- Bleh

#ask bleh #anon asks #asks #arcane memes #legends of avatar #atla #avatar the last airbender #taang #taang fic #atla fic #writing #fanfic #fanfic writing #writing advice #a good reminder #thank you #( ^‿^)

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letstrywritingmaybe · 11 months

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I don’t normally hide my rants on this blog but it’s getting lengthy and I just need to sort out some feelings

Listen I totally get people who accept criticism and are open to listening to readers about things they could “improve” on their fics. And more power to you, I get wanting to better your craft! That’s great! But I’m not one of those people. I’m well aware I’m not a real writer and I’m not trying to be. I do this because sometimes I have these stories that I can’t keep in my head so it needs to come out, and I share them just in case someone else can appreciate it too. If you don’t, that’s totally fine, we all have our own opinions. But please just exit out, I promise it’s better if you just decide to close the tab. We will get nowhere. You won’t change my mind on where I want to go or have already gone with my fic, and I won’t cater to you. I’m a self indulgent writer, I write for myself first and foremost. Of course I’ve been inspired by my fellow shippers and I do write gift fics too, but I need an established connection to do so. And even then, I still enjoy what I write cause if I don’t even like it, how can I expect someone else to? I’m definitely not talented enough to put something together and think it’s good enough for someone else’s taste.

I’m ranting and this really doesn’t apply to most of you, but I’m just kinda at a loss for words (shocker I know cause I’ve just ranted so many above). Idk, maybe it’s because I’m such a good commenter (yes I take pride in the fact that my comments are genuine and I love to gush and send love letters), but it really rubs me the wrong way when I get a comment that I just don’t vibe with at all. Especially if this is our first interaction. I don’t know you and I guess it’s nice that you read my fic but also I didn’t ask you to? You could’ve exited out at any point and kept your thoughts to yourself. I don’t expect to only get good comments, I know how unpopular some of my writing/plots are but I still went this route because this is my story that I wanted to tell. And if you don’t agree with it, by all means go write it yourself and make it the way you want it! I highly encourage it! Writing for yourself is one of the best things you can do and it’s wonderful when you finally sit back and see that it’s done! You did it! You made something that you like, and that should be celebrated!

Okay the whole point of this is that I got a comment on a fic I haven’t really thought about in a while and it was kinda a long comment and I was like oh? Kinda wish I didn’t read it and now I’m kinda like how do I reply in a way that isn’t snippy? Cause the person wasn’t being super rude or anything but it’s just that we disagree. Which is fine! Everyone is entitled to their own opinions, but my thing is this is my fic I wrote for myself and this verse in particular is very much catered to me. And I purposely made some choices that I know isn’t necessarily popular as well as some experimenting, but it was the way I wanted the story to go and of course there was projection involved cause there always is in my fics.

Idk, I’m not necessarily hurt or super mad over this but it definitely made me feel a type of way. I think my big thing is I don’t know you and this does not make me want to know you. I encourage this kind of conversation with someone I’ve talked to before and feel comfortable talking to about my ideas, not a random stranger who decided to spend time to read my fic who didn’t necessarily enjoy it the whole time? Why continue to torture yourself? I don’t understand. You could’ve ended it and just noped out.

And I get it, but you posted your fic so you should be able to take whatever people say about it. Sure okay yeah, but have you considered that it’s kinda rude to just go around leaving reviews unprompted? I really do not expect people to leave me comments and I never ask for people to do so because again, I write for myself! This is purely for me! It’s a passion project! I’m not a business, I’m not trying to market myself, I do this because this is my story I want to tell. And I certainly don’t do it for attention, I wouldn’t be writing for this fandom if that’s what I’m looking for. I would definitely go back to my golden otp or really any of my other otps that are more popular with more active fans. Yes you can think what you think, but there’s also a time and place for speaking out loud about them. You can’t just go up to someone and say their shirt is nice but the pants are awful so the outfit is kinda meh just cause they’re out in public. Did they ask? No? And even if you do think that, you keep that shit to yourself cause you’re literally strangers! Mind your business, don’t make your problem my problem cause I’m just here living my life.

I guess I’m just annoyed, like I’ve definitely gotten way worse comments before and usually I ignore them or just brush it off. Which is likely what I’ll do here, it’s just annoying. Like really? Today you had to do this? My one day back home before going back to the Bay blues? Gee thanks.

Update: I believe in second chances, and the person ended up deleting their comment (which was nice) after I replied. I failed at not being snarky, but at that point it was way too early and I was at the airport so I didn’t care anymore. They did comment on another fic of mine which I guess was slightly better than the first one, at least my choices weren’t criticized here (even though I actually do get a lot of hate for that fic and I knew I would cause it’s controversial, but I had to get it out and I always tag and put warnings so if you don’t like it please just leave!! I don’t force anyone to read my fics!) so I was more civil replying to this one and I do kinda feel bad cause I know how hard it is to get comments. I really hope I didn’t scare them off commenting for you guys, just because I don’t seek validation doesn’t mean I should ruin it for other people. So hopefully they’ll still comment in the future… but yeah that’s that I suppose. I just really didn’t think I would have to deal with this after I restricted my account to registered users. Like I get saying shit anonymously cause you think you’re invisible or something, which is still not cool. People who send hateful anons are the absolute worse, the anon feature is for love letters only, don’t be a dick. But yeah, anyways I’m unfortunately back in the Bay and will hope to survive until I can go home for real. I also really really need to work on my July prompts, I swear I was going to but then I got in a foul mood *sigh it’s okay my man pitches today so we will think happy thoughts <3

#cynply ranting #listen I know I’m lots of love but there’s a reason I changed my @#I can’t be loving all the time anymore and I really don’t have the patience or heart to keep being nice and accepting #I do have a lot of love to give and I still love to send love #but I’m definitely wary of strangers. like I can be pleasant but not if our first interaction is a bad vibe #I’m an extrovert and I love talking to new people but not like this man #I’m tired. real life has been really draining and fandom is supposed to be my escape so this is not helping

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atiny-piratequeen · 11 months

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how do get people to talk about your stories with you? i've honestly been trying for years, but barely get any interactions from any one. i know i shouldn't be upset about it, but seeing you and other writers talk about their works just... idk kind of makes me want to give up writing. i'm sorry if this is like sad or weird, but i want to have more interactions with my followers but have no idea where to start...

This may sound weird. And im apologizing in advance.

But its luck. Its literally luck. Ive been writing for over 10 years. Ive been writing for kpop specifically since 2018 ish. Its really like playing the lottery.

Against the Tide is my absolute baby and its very similar to Ataraxia in regards to the fantastical setting and it definitely has more content ive produced than anything for Ataraxia and yet I've gotten more interactions with Beauty Leaves and Ataraxia in these past two months than im sure ive gotten for all of Against the Tide in the three+ ish years I've been writing it.

People will pick and choose what they interact with. There is no one set formula for it. Ive seen fluff series get 200+ notes in a few days and people happily interact with the author. Ive seen things similar get 5 notes and all of them are likes.

Even now, really if you look at it, for as much as I'm getting asks on say, Ataraxia as a verse, Beauty Leaves is still sitting at less than 100 notes im pretty sure and the like to reblog ratio is a joke (most of the reblogs are from me.)

The issue isnt with you or your writing. Its with people not sharing your works. Its with people consuming your works and then just dropping nothing but a like and leaving, if that. Thats what hurts us authors the most because we are not being seen. There are plenty of people out there who I'm sure would LOVE to interact with your works. Who may be curious for more or have little world building questions here and there. They'll never see it sometimes if no one shares it. We authors can only reblog our work but so many times but if our own followers wont help share it, who the hell is gonna see it?

Most of the people who regularly interact with my works at the end of the day are my friends. Gaia, Laz, Dior, Luna, Smalls, these are my friends who I've known for years. Met through writing. Fellow people who also may understand how fucking rough it gets for authors when it feels like your work isnt good enough when the person next to you is getting all these notes and interactions, yet you cant even get a single reblog for something you took who knows how long to share and create with the world.

My advice, if I can give any that help with the pain you're going through and I'm all too familiar with- (again. I have over 2k followers, and most of my interactions are from about 5-7 regulars and of that group literally 95% of us are mutuals. My tag list has over 40 people in it and again, i get reblogs from at best, 4-5 of them that are not me usually unless something REALLY pops off...then i may get like. 10ish. Who knows)

Two things.

One, be your own hype person. Our writing, our worlds, are ours. You work hard in your craft and whether or not people see it will not change the fact that you work hard. You're doing it. Stop to look at what you've done and remind yourself "yea. I fucking did that." And be proud because come hell or high water, its yours. Plus, if you have the time, posting things about what your writing (character blurbs, mood boards, story snippets, spoilers here and there, general world building nuggets) help pique interest. Its how i did it with Against The Tide (i literally never shut the fuck up about AtT and people began to notice and get curious) and literally most of Ataraxia's world building now is because again, i didnt shut the fuck up about something that started small and kept talking about things here and there and then people got curious and asked their questions and just like that, it helped me refine and shape what was originally fuzzy images and vague ideas. Sometimes being your own marketing manager helps wonders

Two, your writing is for you at the end of the day. 1k notes or no notes. You're writing for you. As long as its something your passionate about and something you put heart into, its always worth it. Even if other people dont seem to appreciate it. Join some nets, make some friends with fellow writers. Talk about it there. Honestly it works wonders to have other writer friends because some writers (im looking at myself) will deadass reblog shit they know their friend is working on in a heartbeat with or without having read it. The writing community tends to look after each other most of the time here so i would say if its something thats hurting and truly getting under your skin, tell the world more. Join and share with nets. Talk and hype your works up as much as possible.

Its always worth it when you work for it.

Im sorry i dont really have any foolproof method. I have a few of my own friends i feel envy for because of how consistently some of them get reblogs, get shares, get interactions. Its a bitch and a half and its honestly something I've been saying for years. Its not fair for content creators (artists, gif makers, writers) to give give give all of our worlds our crafts and our effort and then have to beg the people who are take take taking to do the bare minimum and interact with more than a passing like, if that.

Im sorry you're feeling disheartened, friend. If you feel comfortable, send your work to me sometime. I'll happily boost you up if you feel okay with it. Every writer has their own stories to share and I hope some day people will appreciate yours, too

Pace yourself and remember you're doing great regardless

#asks #anontiny #long asks #this breaks my heart #ive been saying shit like this for so long about ppl interacting goodness

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i-may-be · 1 year

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@scarletloves

hello! thank you for choosing this blog for your matchup <3

ROMANTIC MATCHUP: Gorou

HOW YOU MET

The type of guy you know of before you meet him. You'd heard stories about him from several other people and it seemed like everyone and their mother knew him before you did. You'd heard so many great things about him that it was kinda intimidating.

But anyway, you first met him by mistake. While out with your friend, he had been there and started talking to your friend about something vaguely relevant but you didn't care enough to listen.

Much to your hesitence, your friend invited him along to have a drink with you two after finding out he would be free for a while longer. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that your friend was tired of seeing you single and just saw Gorou as a perfect man, but for whatever reason, he was suddenly tagging along.

And so, you all talked and you grew more familiar with Gorou over the hour you were all out together. He was charming and nice, so it was hard to avoid him when he said hello to you again on a random day out. But whatever the circumstance, you both grew very comfortable with each other even if your meet-ups were infrequent and unexpected.

RELATIONSHIP HEADCANONS

I feel like Gorou would be great with you because of his general openness and comforting vibes yk? Gorou feels like the kind of person you can't help but open up to and feel comfortable around and he has that affects you too! He's definitely always there to support you and help you whichever way you need.

His love language is physical touch, so expect to have him close to you whenever he can be. He's the type to make subtle touches, like it's a little secret between you two, but in more private settings he'll be a lot more cuddly and will make moves to hold you hand, kiss your cheek, etc.

You'll probably end up meeting a lot of people through him. He'd be able to help you somewhat come out of your shell of shyness to make more friends, even if he isn't really aware that he's able to do that. He knows how to avoid awakward situations so you'll never have trouble with new people with him by your side!

HANGING OUT

This fellow animal lover is specifically great to hang out with around dogs because he can talk to them. idk if dogs have drama but soon you'll know when Gorou overhears them gossiping. But anyway, he's great to have around animals and he's defo gentle with them. Animal appreciaters unite!

I am a firm believer that Gorou is a poetry enthusiast. He'd definitely want to hear what you've written, and even if he isn't particularly aware of techniques, he appreciates the vulnerability that goes into writing poetry. Probably would take you up hiking with him to see what/if you write about the scenery around you.

The type to encourage those things where couples only do smth together(does this make any sense?). You have a specific activity you do together- I'm thinking like sewing or knitting, along those lines. You both just learn the craft together and it's your thing, not to be shared with others.

#I wrote this while listening to my friend's drama #haydens matchups!!!#genshin characters #genshin impact matchups #general gorou

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sortasirius · 4 years

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What the Fuck Happened to the SPN Finale?

Okay so here it is, my Charlie Kelly style manifesto.

Before I get into it, I recognize that I will look like this to many of you, and that’s okay, I understand:

Secondly, your personal Takes about the writers don’t interest me, I don’t need to hear them. This, as I’ll explain, is going to remain a writer positive blog, and that’s the end of it.

Third, and most importantly: some of what I’m going to talk about is fact, and some is highly educated speculation. I will notate what is speculation, just so there’s no confusion or hot takes in my inbox that I’m a conspiracy theorist or stirring shit up for no reason.

A list of what I’ll be discussing

The episode in regards to the rest of the season

The episode issues: length, editing

Scene placement and speculation of scenes cut

The scrubbing of Jack, Cas, Eileen

Network involvement and general timeline of when things were cut

Misha: theories on where he was, official company line, why we can’t expect to hear anything directly

The silence of the cast post episode (in Misha’s case, mid episode) and what this might mean

Jensen speaking with Kripke about the ending: why it doesn’t mean what you might think (also why kripke remained positive on the ending)

Walker, and why this episode had a major shift

Why the network would do this or get involved

Why the writers of the show simply aren’t the bad guys here, and what I “want” out of this post, since I know it’ll get asked

This is very long and under a cut, but I hope you’ll give it a read.

The Episode In Regards to the Rest of the Season

So, I’ve discussed this already here, but it’s the most obvious thing to me, and that’s the way this episode simply doesn’t fit with the rest of the season.

These people in this room have, truly, been nothing but consistent when it comes to their arcs, especially this season, and the marked dropoff in quality for the finale episode is just too sus to discount to me. Dabb’s whole focus has been character-based. In his seasons, we’ve moved far away from MOTW and bro-codependency, the found family taking it’s place. Does it really sit right to anyone that that was all thrown away in literally the last episode of the entire show?

This is speculation on my part, but as a writer myself, there is no way I would be happy or willing to stamp my name on something that I didn’t think would, at the very least, wrap up the season+ character arcs that I and my team had been crafting.

And before anyone comes in here saying, “well GOT did that!” Bruh. The writing was on the wall for GOT long before the final episode. You could tell that the showrunners just wanted to be done (not only from the plot, but from the fact that they lobbied for a shorter season). Miss me with that, it doesn’t apply here. Andrew has, besides Singer and J2, been with the show longer than anyone. He cares, he is meticulous and detailed, and this ending feels worse than anything Bucklemming has ever written, let alone Dabb.

Additionally, I’ve seen a lot of people say that Dabb was never behind Destiel, that it was all Bobo and Meredith and no one else. That is reductive to the point of insult of the work Dabb has done to get this greenlit. This man did not write the s13 Dean grief arc to be slandered like this. That being said, YES, Bobo and Meredith were the leads on the DeanCas arc this season, but ANDREW IS THE SHOWRUNNER, TO GET EVEN THE CONFESSION APPROVED BY THE NETWORK HE WOULD HAVE TO HAVE THEIR BACKS. AND HE DID.

Finale Issues

So, now that we’ve gotten the fact that this episode doesn’t hit on any of the major themes the show was barrelling towards all season, let’s discuss the fact that the episode is just...weird.

Not only is it shorter than any other episode (I think with the intro and the credits/crew thing at the end, it was around 38 mins), but it was also...idk, 90% filler?

One of the lovely humans in the POLOL server did the legwork here, and broke it down:

This is weird, y’all. Most series finales are LONGER than normal (Lost, SOA, Longmire are the ones I can think of off the top of my head), and for the final episode to be this? I saw more than one person point out that we only really needed 19 episodes, what was the point of 20? AND THAT’S EXACTLY IT? WHAT WAS THE POINT OF THIS FINAL EPISODE IF THIS WAS ALL WE WERE SUPPOSED TO GET?

It simply doesn’t make any sense, the first half of the episode was rushed, a final monster hunt gone wrong, but in the second half? Nothing really happened? Sam lived his entire life and Dean just drove around. It doesn’t make sense to have all the emotional arcs left unaddressed in an episode that definitely needed some kind of spark.

Here’s the speculation I have: the episode seemingly went through a lot of changes between the initial inception of the final season and when we actually got it, but I think it would have been passable (as in, we wouldn’t be sitting here asking each other why each arc feels incomplete) until the editing room got ahold of it. The only think that makes this episode make sense is network fuckery. Truly, that is the only thing. It explains the weird, cuts, the rushed pacing of the first half followed by nothing in the second half, the double montages of “Wayward Son” back to back, and Dean just...driving around for the last half of the episode.

Scene Placement and Speculation of Scenes Cut

Before I get into this section, the info of the shots in the episode I have come from a source that @occamshipper got a week or so before the finale. She’s talked about this here.

So here’s what Min was given:

1-5: 1 INT MEN OF LETTERS – DEAN’S ROOM Dean is greeted by Miracle

6-10: 6 INT MEN OF LETTERS – HALLWAY/SAM’S ROOM Sam has his routine

D1 1 11-15: 15 EXT FARM HOUSE Establishing

N1 1/8 16-20: 19 Dad’s journal, marker, drawing of masked man in journal.

21-25: 23 INT IMPALA – PMP Driver picks the music

N2 1 3/8 1,2 26-30: 28pt2 INT BARN: A face from the past

28pt3 Sam and Dean say goodbye

28pt4 Shot early for technical reasons, presumably the overhead shot

N2 31-45: 41 INT MEN OF LETTERS – SAM’S ROOM Sam’s alarm goes off D4 1/8 1 46-60: 56 INT N7glasses for Sam, laptop.

So...it all fits right? It all tracks with the actual episode, where it lands, etc. The issue is between shots 29-40 which were apparently “too big to spoil.” Uh. Where are they? And where’s 28 pt4?

After Dean dies, the next scene is Sam burning him, then shot 31, the shot of his alarm going off.

So. Where are those 11ish shots?

PLUS we have the boards, which are scenes we KNOW were actually shot:

As well as scenes for 20 that were shot in 19.

It’s just...weird, it’s weird and again hits on the fact that the episode is so short and like 80% montage.

The Scrubbing of Jack, Cas, and Eileen

So now we have to reckon with the fact that Eileen was last mentioned by Sam after she got snapped by Chuck, Jack’s last mention is that he’s off being God somewhere, and Cas’ last mention is a ~knowing look~ between Dean and Bobby.

I’m sorry, make it make sense:

???????? That’s the end if it? They don’t need to be discussed after this??? It’s just simply not something a writer would do, they would not introduce these characters, these arcs, without thinking there’s going to be some kind of follow through here.

So not only were three major characters (including two leads and both of the original characters’ love interests) completely wiped from the finale episode, it was as though Sam and Dean never even needed them, which just...ain’t it.

So why Eileen and Jack too? Why not just take Cas out of it if they were afraid of the gay? Because, ultimately, the episode went back to Kripke’s original story: just the bros, they only need each other and no one else. They don’t want anyone else, they don’t need anyone else. Easier to go back to something they knew was successful than trust the writers and their audience and take a big leap.

Alex even said he shot for 20 with “some of the guys” here. What happened to that footage?

The complete 180 of it all still shocks me, I still cannot believe that we were essentially at the finish line, and the network just stopped short, and decided to go run another race, at the expense of the arc of this fifteen year legacy show.

Network Involvement and When Things Were Cut

Okay, now into the juicy stuff.

So I’ve pretty well established that network fuckery is clear, but how much did they get involved, what was the original intent?

Well again, we may never actually know what Andrew’s original script was, but I think, at the least, it would involve Dean speaking his truth to Cas and Sam living a life with Eileen.

Now, it seems today, that Misha said that Jimmy Novak was supposed to be in the finale in one iteration of the script, and while initially my brain was like “that truly makes no sense and he’s either straight up lying or telling a half truth,” I think what may be happening is Misha talking about as much as he can right now.

So Jimmy right. Weird as fuck. Why would he been in the Roadhouse and not Cas? My current thought (this is about as reachy as I’ll get) is that Jimmy had no lines, could he have been in the Roadhouse as a red herring, like it said “Jimmy” in the script but it was just Cas in human clothes, a way to get around the network saying Cas couldn’t be in the final scene. Also, you’ll notice that Misha didn’t say that Cas wasn’t supposed to be in the ep at all, just Jimmy in the last scene.

All this to say, there have clearly been multiple versions of the script, getting lighter and lighter with Cas and Eileen as the network pulled further and further back. Remember, Dabb has to get things approved before they get shot, and if the network kept asking and asking and asking to cut Cas and Eileen, he had to find a way to work around it. Granted, I still think that if we had been able to get a Dabb script that wasn’t torn to shreds in editing, it wouldn’t be so bad. It may not be what a lot of us wanted (Dean speaking his truth to Cas and a reciprocation), but doing everything he could to give it to us in subtext or visual clues.

Plus, in all honesty, my man can’t keep his story straight anyway. He said twice in his panel that the Empty and offscreen Heaven ending weren’t his original ending either.

In addition, remember that Jensen did ADR post episode 18, AND said in a meet and greet last weekend that Dean’s reaction to Cas’ confession was “cut down.” (Source here). Many of us clowns got excited when we first heard about ADR, because we thought it would be upping the ante on Dean’s reaction, but I remember being a little sus when it was just crying. My speculation on that is that they cut out Dean actually SAYING something, @winchestersingerautorepair spoke about that here.

The biggest sins were, in my opinion, committed during editing, where the network got too gun shy and sliced the episode until it was nothing but a heartless bro-fest of a finale, not mentioning anything about the other major characters that we all love, and letting the boys just suffer in separation until Sam died and finally joined Dean in Heaven. The editing came by cutting all the major emotional beats between anyone other than Dean and Sam, leaving the skeleton of the story intact, just shorter and less...poignant than it was ever supposed to be.

Misha

We know Misha was in Vancouver, we know he quarantined, but we also know he wasn’t in the final scene, when he spoke about being in the last moment of the show months ago. We were not crazy, he was there, he quarantined, and, in all likelihood (speculation but fitting with the timeline), he actually may have shot something (not much, but something).

I have sources here, here, here, and here showing where Misha was at that time.

Remember, the man was completely open about coming back until they finished shooting (look at this thread). The switch happened, just like everything else, halfway through them shooting.

Please also remember Jake Abel posting his “Where’s Misha” video here. Jake isn’t malicious, he isn’t being nasty here. Misha was there, and everyone that’s trying to convince people he’s wasn’t just...isn’t telling the truth about it.

This is one of the things that makes me really mad, because they’re literally attempting to gaslight people into thinking, “oh we were totally wrong he was never supposed to be there” WHEN HE WAS THERE, WE KNOW HE WAS THERE.

So we’ve already heard from several people (Meghan Fitzmartin, Jay, a PA on the set of 19 (WHO WAS NOT WORKING FOR 20), Misha himself) that this was all down to Covid restrictions. Ultimately, as this post says, we’ve heard FIVE versions of where Misha was. None of it makes sense, but the Covid protocol seems to be the company line that others are repeating.

You may ask: why? Why lie to all of us when we have questions? Why, in Jay’s case, say that we’re all spreading false lies to stir up trouble, when we just have questions and things that do not make sense. Simply? Warner Brothers is absolutely massive. These people have their careers to protect and are likely all under NDAs. They want to work for WB again and don’t want to burn bridges, including Misha. It sucks, but that’s why it’s unlikely that we’ll hear someone come out and say, “yeah we’re lying to you.”

Silence of the Cast Post Episode

So this is...probably the worst part of all this, at least in my opinion.

The guys had all been pretty excited about the end of the show (especially Jared, but Jensen’s panel last week was Jensen as happy and jokey and positive as I’ve ever seen him. He was so excited about episode 18, about what it meant for Dean and for Cas, and I just cannot buy that he would have been that excited unless he thought there was something more in the episode.

Misha live-tweeted the episode, and was watching it with his kids. It’s well known that Misha and the kids don’t watch the show because it’s too scary, and let’s ask ourselves, why would he have them watch an episode that he’s barely even mentioned in?

He also stopped live-tweeting at a very specific point in the episode (Dean’s death) and has not mentioned Supernatural since then.

None of them, not Jared, Jensen, Misha, or even Alex, said anything about the episode for nearly 36 hours, when Jensen posted a salty photo on instagram. It’s just...not what you’d expect for the end of a 15 year show, when the cast and crew are so close to the fans, so close to each other.

My theory? They didn’t know. They thought Misha was, at least, going to be in the episode in some way, and when he wasn’t, they decided not to say anything.

You really think that Jensen “Heller” Ackles would have been so excited about the end of the show last week if he thought Cas wasn’t going to be in it at all? Nah son, doesn’t make any sense.

Even today, in Jared and Misha’s panels, they seemed sad and...more than a little careful, both saying that there were things they couldn’t say, both talking around things that we all have questions on.

Jensen Speaking with Kripke

So this is where a lot of people are getting fodder to take shots at the writers, saying that Jensen hated it from the beginning, but I don’t think so. I actually think I know what Jensen went to him about, and it wasn’t the lack of Cas or the weird pacing or the montages (which I don’t think were there when Jensen got the script); I think it was the manner of Dean’s death.

I know a lot of people were upset about that, upset with how...normal it was, coming off an episode where they literally beat God. I actually didn’t mind it, I thought it was an interesting thematic take to be like: you can be a hero all your life, but sometimes shit happens, and you just die.

But imagine how hard that was for Jensen to read. He would run to Kripke for that, because for him, Dean dying by being impaled by a piece of rebar had to be tough to swallow.

So, why didn’t Kripke say that? Why didn’t he say, “oh well he had a problem with Dean’s death, none of that other stuff was in the script.”

Guys. Why would he get involved? He’s not going to burn bridges any more than anyone else is. He said the ending was good because it’s the easy thing to do, it’s simple, will cause him no problems in his career, and he can just ignore the people trying to engage with him on it.

Walker

Something else to talk about is the major shift this episode had from the rest of the season: the shift from Dean to Sam. I am NOT saying that Sam isn’t important, he definitely, absolutely is, but it was DEAN who really needed to wrap up his arc, Sam just needed to move on, get married to Eileen, become the leader he was always meant to. So what changed? What was with the shirtless scene, the Austin number and random case there, most of the episode being heavily Sam focused, going through his entire life in a montage?

Anyone else notice the 375 Walker promos, or Jared’s little spiel about Walker and how he hoped SPN fans would “come along for the ride.”

It’s...kinda obvious? CW wanted to appeal to who they think the key demographic of SPN and Walker is: rural areas in the South. It would explain a lot, why so much editing, why so Sam focused, the Austin number, the number of Walker promos, all of it.

I’m not saying this is fact, I don’t know that it is, but it is a little suspicious that even in Jared’s panel today, he talked A LOT about Walker and how he hopes SPN fans will watch it.

Why Would the Network Get Involved?

Simply put: $$$

If they think Walker can be the new SPN, and that those crazy SPN fans liked it originally, it’s a lot safer to go with the “original intent” of the show than do something risky (like making one of your two original leads queer).

And? They don’t care. They don’t care that the episode didn’t make sense, they don’t care that all the emotional arcs were left hanging, they don’t care by (potentially) smashing together two of Dean’s monologues (one to Sam, one to Cas) that it came of as...gross. ( @curioussubjects wrote a beautiful post showing how part of that death speech was likely meant for Dean here). They don’t care, they never have, they just want to make their money and move on from the too-loud fandom that fought for representation too hard for too long.

It can’t help but feel insidious, which, honestly, it might be, but it really all comes down to the next cash cow, which, they think, is Walker, even at the cost of the fifteen year legacy show.

The Writers and What I Want

So here it is, all this weird, sus shit laid out on the line. And you know what? To me, there is no way to blame the writers, because they didn’t want this.

I don’t think Dabb and Bobo would have gone ahead with the confession in 18 without thinking that there would be some closure to that arc, they wouldn’t have done that not only to the fans, but for the sake of their own story as well: no writer wants to start something that they can’t finish. (And this applies to both Cas and Eileen).

Here’s a basic rundown of what I think happened: they had a clear arc from 18-20, ending in reciprocation at some level from Dean, Sam marrying Eileen, Hunter Sam as the new Bobby, Dean in heaven with Cas and big roadhouse reunion at the end. Covid prevented a good amount of that. Network had to stare at big gay 18 for six months, got cold feet. Thought about Walker, target audience and alienation of the rural areas if it went full gay. Misha quarantined and likely shot something (not much), he was then cut by execs and went home. They likely added in lines referencing Eileen and Cas to make it clear but more subtextual. They wrap, editing gets it and hacks it to pieces, so we get a shorter episode that’s mostly montages and jarringly bro-centric with nothing else. Arcs are left hanging. Dabb gets episode but it’s too late, there’s nothing he can do. Actors aren’t told so they can continue to do positive PR for the ending, they all found out at the same time we did: hence almost complete silence about the finale.

And you know what? They warned us. I talked about it here, but they’ve been telling us all season that Chuck wasn’t the writer, he’s the network. I don’t think, still, that they thought it would be cut up like this, into something so unsalvageable that it’s been panned by almost everyone, even people who didn’t care much about Dean and Cas.

Finally, a masterpiece can be ruined by editing, and while I’m not sure even the script they ended up shooting on was a masterpiece (due to the network meddling already), but to me it’s blatantly obvious that it’s no one but the network that caused this, that took away closure for Dean, Cas, and even Sam.

So what do I want? Nothing really, there’s nothing we can do, but I wrote this mostly to show people that the writers are not your enemy. In fact, to the people trashing them? You’re doing exactly what the CW wants you to: blame the obvious targets, blame Misha, blame Jensen and Jared, blame Dabb. Scream and yell at them on Twitter and about how the show is ruined because of them. The network keeps their engagement levels high, they don’t get as targeted for their behavior, and just keep moving along.

Just, please, think about who did this, Mourn the show, be angry, but not at the people who fought tooth and nail for this for literal years, not the people who wanted it more than we did, not the people who cannot say anything because of their careers and the NDAs they’re bound by.

Someone is going to spill eventually, but until then, we just have to wait, and continue to be loud.

#my writing #my meta #supernatural #spn #spn finale trash fire #MY MANIFESTO IS DONE

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a-small-batch-of-dragons · 3 years

Text

Nobody Left Behind

Prompt: So I don't know if you're taking requests? But I just watched Lilo and Stitch for the first time since I got into TSS and I've adopted the headcanon that it is Remus's *favorite* movie (and he's memorized the script) and I love your writing and I'd love to see something angsty involving Remus feeling lonely/unloved by his brother, and maybe Lilo and Stitch is involved somehow. IDK, go wild. (and feel free to ignore this if you aren't taking requests) <3 - anon

it is Le Fluff™ hours my good bitches

Read on Ao3

Warnings: Remus has some abandonment issues, but it’s not too much

Pairings: it is platonic all the way down, babes

Word Count: 2935

Ohana means family.

Family.

FamILY.

What a weird word.

Sometimes it’s the people you’re born with. Well, not ‘with,’ not necessarily, but the people you are born to. A mother, a father, a sister, a brother. Sometimes two mothers, sometimes two fathers, sometimes a different parent. Sometimes two sisters, sometimes two brothers, sometimes a different sibling. Sometimes a mess of assorted people that all share the same blood. A family.

Remus wasn’t born.

He was made though, crafted and shaped and born out of the swirling chaos of a child’s mind that didn’t understand the world well enough without other people to help. He remembers getting cobbled together from scraps of thoughts and feelings and morphing them into limbs, into features, into something that vaguely resembled the body of the child he was made to fit. Not the ‘fitting’ was ever his job.

Just his brother’s.

Is his brother his family?

By all accounts he should be, right? A brother is one of those people that are traditionally part of the ‘family’ group, right, someone to laugh with, cry with, fight with, live with. But is Roman really his…brother?

That’s what they decided to call themselves because nothing else worked. They weren’t really brothers, they were halves. But they weren’t really halves because there was never a whole to begin with.

The King wasn’t a ‘whole,’ he was…well, he was the King. Half of a king is not a prince. Half of a king is not a duke.

Half of a king is a mess of blood and bones and viscera dripping off of the end of a Morningstar in the middle of the night when only a destroyed facsimile makes the insanity bleed away just enough to breathe again.

The closest thing to twins, is what they decided on eventually. They’re twins. One light, one dark. One that marches boldly into danger to confront the wickedness of the world, one that dwells in the shadows and cackles with the demons nipping at his heels. One that loves, one that isn’t loved.

Sure, they had some things in common. They both loved to fight, hence the scars and the bruises and the wounds that would never, ever heal, the distrust that would never be fixed ever, because the urge to sink their teeth into each other’s necks and rip never went away. They both loved to make, Roman the peaceful lies he tells himself to make up for the gaping wounds Remus leaves as he carves his perfectly tailored destruction. They both love Disney.

Roman’s made it part of his whole deal as the Prince, he loves Disney. He bursts into song every chance he gets, drags the others in until the Mindscape rings with joyful song and there’s nowhere left for any sadness or darkness. He takes his lessons from it, models himself using the traits of the characters he admires most. Cultivates his art of storytelling, perfect to a tee.

Remus loves Disney too. Loves how easy it is to twist the lens to distort the image just enough to let the darker parts of the Imagination run wild. What is the real implication of never growing old, never understanding what it means to die? What kind of person curses a ten-year-old boy for being cautious about who he answers the door to? What could the story have been if the prince never comes to save the day?

When they were smaller it was fine. When they were still getting used to the fact that they weren’t King anymore, they used to sit and watch so many Disney movies. Roman’s favorite was always changing, one week it was Beauty and the Beast, then it was Mulan, then it was Cinderella, it never stayed the same.

Remus’s was always Lilo and Stitch.

Roman never understood it, said it was boring, there wasn’t a prince, there wasn’t anything exciting. Remus said that aliens were plenty exciting, thank you very much.

But they would always watch it. The King wasn’t there anymore, but the prince and the Duke were.

…when they were smaller, there was one time where the prince wasn’t there at all.

Remus remembers waking up one day and feeling like he was being Split all over again. The maggots in his bones reached their awful little mouths into his heart and pulled, yanking him all the way across the bed and to the door, howling and screaming for his twin.

Only to be met with a blank wall.

He remembers howling at the top of his lungs until Janus had rushed to his side, kneeling down next to him and telling him shh, be quiet, hush now, you’re alright, you’re not hurt. And when he couldn’t explain that he was hurt, half of him was missing, Remus needed to go find him, Janus’s mouth had hardened into a thin line and told him that there wasn’t anything to worry about.

He remembers thinking that was a lie.

But it wasn’t. It wasn’t a lie.

Roman was fine.

Roman was more than fine, because Roman had a family.

Roman had Patton, who is the actual manifestation of sunshine and rainbows and loved so much it almost burns. The darkness that wrapped around Remus’s corner of the Imagination screeched and hissed at the very idea of being loved that much, even as part of him strained with all its might to get to it. But Patton would never set foot near this side of the Mindscape.

Roman had Logan, who represents everything true about the Mindscape, about Thomas, about the world. The reality of things that would never let anything Remus created make it anywhere close to anything important because it was dangerous, it was hurtful, and it was wrong. Logan wouldn’t want anything to do with something so useless.

And that was okay. Because Roman may have been gone but Remus wasn’t alone. Remus had Virgil, who lived with fear soaking every fiber of his being. Remus had Janus, who wrapped himself in darkness and obscurity and laughed.

But then Virgil left. And now Roman had Virgil, who used Thomas’s anxieties to keep him safe, to help Roman and the others figure out what to do, how to take care of everybody, and how to make the darkness go away. And Virgil would never willingly sink himself back into the darkness when he’d spent so long clawing himself out of it.

But that was okay, because Remus had Janus. Janus, who plotted and schemed and smirked at how easily the others were pulled along by his strings, luring them deeper and deeper as Remus readied his Morningstar for the trap to be sprung.

But then they sprung the trap and everything went wrong.

Roman didn’t want to fight. He just…he let Remus knock him out and didn’t show up again except to scoff and say he didn’t like him.

And that was…wrong.

Because Roman wasn’t supposed to like him but he was never only supposed to not like him. Roman was supposed to declare that he wasn’t welcome and try and slash him with his sword. Roman was supposed to try and banish him from the Mindscape and spit insults at him until he left, cackling all the while. Roman was supposed to hate him.

But Roman didn’t hate him, he just…he just said he didn’t like him.

But that was okay, because Janus could just come up with a better plan with him this time. They could do it properly, and Roman would hate him again and it would be back to normal.

But then Janus left. And now Roman has Janus, who keeps his eyes where the prince’s aren’t, when he can’t see what’s happening or he can’t bear to look, to help Roman figure out what to do when what seems to be happening isn’t anything that the prince is used to dealing with. And Janus would never willingly step away from a place that finally accepted him.

Roman has them now. Roman has people that chose him. Roman’s family chose him. He chose them. They chose each other.

Remus’s grip on his Morningstar slackens and the thing falls to the ground with a heavy clunk. He moves numbly through his room until he can fall to his knees on his bed.

He just came from the living room. They were all there. Roman was talking with Logan, ranting about some new show they were both watching. Janus was in the kitchen with Patton, making something for dinner that everyone—well, almost everyone—could eat. Virgil was on the back of the couch, reaching out for Roman’s shoulder every once in a while.

Remus had waited behind the couch. For someone to sit down, for someone to see him and shriek, or even maybe—just maybe—for someone to ask where he was.

But no.

Patton had come over and gently ruffled Virgil’s hair, saying that dinner was ready. Logan and Roman had moved into the kitchen, demanding Janus’s attention and pulling him into their conversation. Virgil had murmured a quiet thank you and Roman had asked him for what?

“Y’know,” Virgil had said, “for…this.”

“Of course,” Roman had laughed, the soft rustle of fabric as he probably pulled the emo in for a hug—what did those feel like?— “I should be thanking you?”

“What for, kiddo?”

“I dunno, it just…feels like it’s been forever since we’ve all sat down for dinner together.”

Remus’s chest had started to hurt.

“The whole family.”

The whole family.

Remus’s eyes well up with stubborn tears and he angrily swipes them away, baring his teeth at the memory and focusing intently on the things on the bed. Each hand-stitched, each carefully kept clean.

His family.

He reaches out with a shaking hand and tucks the blue frog plushie into the crook of his arm, crawling into the middle of the bed and balancing the purple spider on his shoulder. His hands keep shaking as he wraps the long yellow snake securely around his neck, clutching the head under his chin and nuzzling it protectively. The dark blue cat he holds in his other hand, careful not to tear its tie as he scrunches in on himself.

Wait.

Where is it?

No, no, no, no—

Remus growls, placing all of his family gently on the floor before all but tearing at his sheets. Where is it, where is it, where is it—his heartbeat starts to rise as his search grows more frantic, where is it, where is it—

The slightest little puff of red hair and he howls, lunging for it and sweeping it into his lap. He pauses to make sure the lion’s crown didn’t fall off and sighs when he sees it still in place. He sets the lion between his legs and leans over, adjusting everyone back into place and scrunching himself into a ball again. He rubs his nose against the lion’s fur and nuzzles into the soft fabric.

He’d never be able to forgive himself if he lost them.

Because Ohana means family.

Family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten.

——————————————————

There’s a knock on his door.

Why is someone knocking on his door?

They knock again.

Remus looks up, carefully butting the spider out of the way with his head and sitting up. The snake hangs off his shoulder and he lets it, only missing its warmth once the knock sounds again.

The frog and the cat watch him warily as he climbs out of bed, the lion clutched in his hand.

The door squeaks slightly as he opens it.

“So, I’ve got popcorn, I found the weird gummy snakes, and they had this chocolate-covered bacon which we have to try—Remus?”

Roman?

Roman stands there, his arms full of snacks and blankets, his head tilted. He glances behind Remus—probably to check something or other—and then back at him.

“Remus? Are you okay?”

“Why are you here?” Roman doesn’t like him.

“It’s movie night, Re, of course, I’m here.” Roman chuckles nervously before taking in his tear-stained face. “Hey, Re, what’s going on? Are you okay? Can I come in?”

Why is Roman here? Roman has his family, what is he doing here? With Remus?

“Remus—“ oh, right, Roman’s talking to him—why is Roman talking to him?—in a soft voice now— “Remus, hey, look at me.”

Remus blinks. Oh. Roman looks concerned now, he’s reaching for him.

“Hey,” he murmurs as he ruffles Remus’s hair, “what’s going on? Have you been crying?”

Remus nods dumbly.

“I’m sorry, Re, can I help?”

Help? Why does Roman want to help?

Oh, he’s waiting for an answer.

“…sure.”

“Thank you,” Roman says softly, “can I come in?”

Remus steps aside wordlessly and Roman walks in, pausing when he sees the rest of Remus’s family on the bed.

“Did you make them?”

Something dark twists in Remus’s chest as he sees Roman reach for the spider.

“Don’t.”

Roman backs off, stepping back as Remus snatches up his family and cradles them in his lap, glaring at Roman and curling up on the bed.

“I won’t, Re, I’m sorry,” Roman says, still speaking softly, “can I sit?”

“…floor.”

Roman sits on the floor, setting aside the blankets and snacks, looking up at him. He still looks concerned. Why? Roman doesn’t like him.

“Why weren’t you at dinner,” he asks gently, “I was worried.”

Worried? About him? Remus snorts.

“You had your whole family there,” he spits, “why would you worry?”

“But you weren’t there,” Roman says like that makes any difference, “so I was worried.”

Remus shakes his head. Roman doesn’t get it. Roman doesn’t worry about him, he worries about other things. But if Roman wants to know why he wasn’t at dinner, he’ll tell him.

“I was with my family.”

Roman’s brow furrows as he glances around again. “…your family?”

Remus huddles protectively around his family. “Yes. My family.”

Roman’s eyes widen as he takes in Remus’s posture and how he reacted when Roman asked about them earlier.

“…are they your family, Remus?”

“Yes.” He holds them tighter. “I chose them. They won’t leave me. They won’t forget me. That’s what family means.”

Something crosses Roman’s face and he lets out a wounded noise. Wait. Are they fighting?

“Wait, Remus,” he murmurs, rising up to his knees, “did you—did you think we forgot you?”

“You did forget me.”

“I’m sorry, Remus, I would’ve come to look for you, but I thought—“ Roman shakes his head— “no, it doesn’t matter what I thought. I should’ve come got you, Re, I’m sorry, I—I didn’t mean to leave you behind.”

Oh.

“…you didn’t?”

Roman shakes his head furiously. “No, Remus, I promise. I never meant to leave you.”

“But everybody leaves me.”

If possible, Roman’s eyes are now wider and he scrambles for the edge of the bed. “What do you mean, Remus, what do you mean everybody leaves you?”

“You left. Virgil left. Janus left. Everybody left.” The lion’s mane brushes against his lips as he bows his head. “But not them. They won’t leave me.”

“Oh, Remus—“

Something big lunges at him and Remus whimpers, he doesn’t have his Morningstar, he doesn’t want to fight, he doesn’t—he doesn’t—

What’s happening? He feels warm and he’s being squished and Roman is pressing himself against him and what—what—

“What’re you doing?”

“It’s a hug, Remus,” comes Roman’s voice, slightly muffled, from over his shoulder, “I’m hugging you.”

Oh.

“R-Ro?”

“Yeah, Re, I’m here, I’m right here, I won’t forget you, I won’t leave you behind, you’re my brother, you’re my family, I choose you.” Roman’s grip tightens on him and Remus just about gasps. “I choose you and I want you and I like you.”

Roman…Roman likes him?

Roman chooses him?

Roman won’t…leave?

“No, Remus,” Roman promises as he cautiously asks, “I won’t leave. Not unless you want me to.”

“No.”

“Then I’m not going anywhere.”

That’s it.

Remus throws his arms around his twin and sobs, cries an entire ocean of tears into his brother’s shoulder because he’s here and he cares and he chose Remus. The darkness shudders as that small part of him surges forward, into Roman’s chest, finding a home in the prince’s heart and languishing in the warmth there.

“I’m right here, Re,” Roman murmurs, stroking up and down his back, “right here, I’ve got you.”

The snake drapes itself cautiously over Roman’s shoulder, the spider taking up watch on his knee. The cat and the frog stare at him, making sure he isn’t lying, that he won’t change his mind. The lion, sandwiched between them, feels the reassuring rumble from Roman’s chest and purrs.

After a long, long time, Remus pulls back a little and scuffs a hand over his nose.

“…did you say something about chocolate-covered bacon?”

Roman’s smile lights up.

“Let’s put on Lilo and Stitch and we’ll try it.”

Ohana means family.

Family means no one gets left behind.

Or forgotten.

General Taglist:@frxgprince @potereregina @reddstardust @gattonero17 @iamhereforthegayshit @thefingergunsgirl @awkwardandanxiousfander @creative-lampd-liberties @djpurple3 @winterswrandomness @sanders-sides-uncorrect-quotes @iminyourfandom @bullet-tothefeels @full-of-roman-angst-trash @ask-elsalvador @ramdomthingsfrommymind @demoniccheese83 @pattonsandershugs @el-does-photography @princeanxious @firefinch-ember @fandomssaremysoul @im-an-anxious-wreck @crazy-multifandomfangirl @punk-academian-witch @enby-ralsei @unicornssunflowersandstuff @wildhorsewolf @thetruthaboutthesun @stubbornness-and-spite @princedarkandstormv @your-local-fookin-deadmeme @angels-and-dreams @averykedavra @a-ghostlight-for-roman @treasurechestininterweb @cricketanne @aularei @queerly-fluid-fan @compactdiscdraws @cecil-but-gayer @i-am-overly-complicated @annytheseal @alias290 @tranquil-space-ninja @arxticandy @mychemically-imbalanced-romance @whyiask @crows-ace @emilythezeldafan @frida0043 @ieatspinalcords @snowyfires @cyanide-violence @oonagh2 @xxpanic-at-the-everywherexx @rabbitsartcorner @percy-07734 @triflingassailantofmyemotions @virgil-sanders-the-gay-emo @cerulean-watermelon @puffed-up-bees

If you want to be added/taken off the taglist, let me know!

#dragonbabbles #sanders sides #fic #remus sanders #roman sanders #they're the main focus #creativitwins

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