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acutecoral · 7 months

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I have no brain for prose at the moment, because I don't think I've watched enough Cellbit to really get his mannerisms right but just a concept in my head at the moment like

Cellbit has had the urge to relapse back to what felt natural, to resort of violence, to killing. Now not in service of himself, but for the people he cares about.

His hold over those urges was admirable, but it was always bound to snap.

It started with Felps. His friend. Lost to the Federation's grasp. I'd imagine ignoring the urge was...easy then, at least with the initial idea. He had a plan, he directed his focus to infiltrating, to misleading and convincing Cucurucho that he could be trusted. It was hard. Here on the island, he had found a family, friends, people he knew and grown to care about. To push them away, and mislead them must have felt awful. Back in the war, things weren't as complicated but he wanted to do something different. He can be different.

I imagine when it failed, when he was taken back and captured, maybe there was that voice at the back of his mind. "This would have been easier if..."

But it was a constant companion for many years, and he's had practice pushing it down and refocusing his energy to other things.

Like his family, his son, the Eggs, his friends, the Order, Roier, their wedding, the campaign for the presidency. There was a lot to do, so much that needed his attention it would have been easy to just focus on the next thing and pretend that those darker thoughts wasn't there.

Then the Eggs disappeared. His son was gone, the other Eggs were gone, and no one knew what had happened. Everyone was searching for answers and they barely had the pieces to put things together. But the Federation must have been behind it, they took the Eggs last time, it was the only answer.

Then Forever was forced to take the risus potion, forced to become a twisted parody of himself that Cellbit couldn't get through to. Forced to pretend everything was okay.

And Pac...Pac whom Cellbit had seen sink to despair since Mike was lost and now pushed even further now that Richas was missing. Pac was still determined, still so willing to sacrifice himself for the smallest chance to figure out what was affecting their friend, their family and find a way to cure him.

How Cellbit must have felt the strongest urge to tear the entire Federation down to the ground, when he found himself between Forever and Pac on that bench. How difficult that must have been to ignore and push past, because he couldn't indulge in it. He had to hold strong, he had to bring them back to reality, to come back to him.

But seeing Pac whimpering, huddled and trapped and so small, so afraid in that cage...then listening to Forever's screams, directed at the memory of Cucurucho in Cellbit's place, a play by play of what led him to be drugged in the first place, how those darker urges must have reared it's head up. Did Cellbit wish he did what Forever did? Even knowing where it led? That urge to let loose, to direct his anger at something, at someone who must have knew all the answers, who were obviously playing them for fools again, who was hurting his family so deeply once more, forcing those he cared about to this state.

It must have led to sleepless nights. Frustration and anger. He must have been so tired.

An exhaustion that everyone on the island felt, but especially...Roier. His huband.

Cellbit would have never forgotten the way the Federation played with Roier and Jaiden's hopes with Bobby's life. Dashing them when they were only granted 10 minutes with their child instead of giving him back.

And now the Eggs have been ripped away again. Roier's sister was taken. Roier's son in law was gone, and for someone that already lost someone he felt responsible for, Cellbit must have seen the heavy toll it took on Roier. The dark eye bags, the way he tries to busy himself, the way that he accepted the Eggs must be dead because he can't take another heartbreak. He can't handle to have that hope they're alive dashed again. Again. Again.

Then...Bagi. That was the last straw. The one that broke the camel's back. The revelation he had a peaceful life before. He was loved, he was safe, he had a family, he had a sister...He had a past before the war, he had come from somewhere, and he was ripped away from it, those memories lost, drowned with the memory of blood and violence and survival.

Cellbit had spent so long treading water, keeping his head up, but no more. No longer. He can't afford to. He had tried playing by the bear's rules, he had tried going about it another way, but clearly it wasn't working.

It was time for a change of tactic.

...

Did killing that first worker feel like relief? Did he surprise himself with how easy it was to slip back into those old habits he had spent so long to ignore? How easy to must have been to watch, to stalk, to wait...before going for the kill?

But maybe he can tell there's a difference here now. Just a little.

These skills were ones he learned to survive. Taught by a dear, old friend. And it served him well, but now he's stepping back into the shoes of the monster, not for himself no. But for the people he loves. The people he knows have been hurt. He's doing it for them.

He will burn down the Federation even if he has to use his own body for the kindling.

#qsmp cellbit #qsmp pactw #qsmp foreverplayer #qsmp oibagi #qsmp roier #qsmp #acuteliveblogs #i have been rotating his frame of mind the entire day #it's been WILD #but it's so much fun #this isn’t really prose but i had to get these thoughts out there you know?#I'm enjoying the meal a lot #i just really like compelling characters

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tinkabelle24 · 2 months

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To Build a Home

Chapter 11: Buddy

TW! Eating Disorder, Infertility, Sexual Harassment/Assault.

Masterlist / Chapter 10

---

When one's constantly surrounded by chaos, they'll do anything to seize even the slightest bit of control.

That was what Val convinced herself she had - control. In truth, she was just tossing more fuel into the ever-growing fire.

"Since I was fourteen, I've struggled with an eating disorder," she solemnly explained. "It got so bad my period stopped. It's come back a couple times over the years, but it's never been consistent - until a few months ago. The doctors told me that cos I haven't had it in so long, the probability of me actually getting pregnant is incredibly slim... So, obviously, safety first... But I really don't think it'll be in the cards for me, unfortunately."

"...You would want kids then, if you could?"

That question seemed to pain Raph.

"Maybe? I'm not a hundred percent sure yet... I'd like to figure my own shit out first; there's no freaking way I'm working in hospitality the rest of my life... If kids happen later, then great. If not, then that's okay too."

"You seem so chill about it."

No, she was not chill. She hated knowing she likely won't even get a choice. But what could she do about it now? Not much...

Val shrugged slightly. "I just don't wanna spend any more time worrying over things I can't control." She offered the terrapin a tender smile. "Raph, you certainly aren't holding me back. You've helped me in unimaginable ways and, for that, I'm so grateful... I'd like to see where this goes... but if you need more time-"

"-No, I don't need more time," Raph interrupted, brilliant eyes piercing hers with infinitely more conviction. "I don't want more time; I've wasted enough tryna talk myself out of it. I want this - I want you."

That last part made Val's heart soar.

The brunette chuckled softly, before lowering her gaze in preparation for what she was about to say next. Though she'd never dream of acting on it without the Turtles' go-ahead, it nevertheless weighed heavy on her heart.

Val barely slept last night. She wanted to continue enjoying the moment, listening to Raph's rhythmic breathing as he slept beside her. In her bed. But her thoughts were spiralling.

She never felt so conflicted.

For the past several months, she'd essentially been leading a double life.

She dropped the ball about him to Molly the night after he showed up, unannounced, at her window. She couldn't recall ever being looked at the way he did her that night; like she were the only woman in this world.

It pretty much cemented her feelings for him.

Val was so caught up in the moment that she forgot, for a moment, he actually wasn't supposed to exist.

She attempted placating Molly with as much 'safe' information she could, but her friend could tell there was more to the story (she had an aptitude for sniffing out bullshit). Naturally, she blabbed to her boyfriend. From then on, both have been hounding her for answers.

Val tried playing it off as a one-time thing but, the closer she and Raph became, the harder it was to keep her two worlds apart.

Last night was her breaking point.

As elated as she was to have finally taken that step with Raph, Val couldn't shake the despair she felt at never, ever being able to share this moment with her best friend...

That beautiful, talented woman who'd always there for her; her bosom buddy, her confidante, her mother figure - Molly deserved better.

She knew the terms, but she had to at least try...

"There's something I need to ask of you - well, of you and your family. Though I'm not sure whether it's my place..."

Raph was all ears. "Shoot."

---

Mikey practically leapt out of his seat when he spotted Raph entering the Lair.

"Look who just stepped in from the walk of shaaame!"

Aaand it starts.

Sigh.

Let's just get this over with...

"Mikey, c'mon!" Donnie chided from the kitchen. He already had on his headset; another day another dollar. "I've told you this a million times - don't jump off the back of the sofa! You'll ruin it."

Ya don't think it's already ruined? It's more duct tape than sofa at this point.

Mikey was too busy hanging off Raph like a bad smell. "So...?"

"You're dreamin', Mikey," the older brother replied as he retrieved a bottle of water from the fridge.

"Aw, c'mon. Don't be like that!"

"Nope."

"Just tell me one thing, please?? Was it what you expected?"

No - better.

Raph turned to Donnie, disregarding Mikey's question. "I'm headin' back to bed."

"Val keep you awake, did she?" The purple-banded terrapin faced him, smirk lingering an uncomfortably long time as he nibbled away at his Pop-Tart.

"You're so gross," Raph deflected, gesturing to his brother's 'breakfast' with a scowl. "Eat some actual food."

"Go ahead, keep changing the subject!" Mikey called after him as he made for his bedroom. "You'll fold soon enough!"

Don't hold ya breath.

"Raph."

Raph groaned inwardly at the sound of his eldest brother's voice. He turned toward its origin, finding Leo exiting the Dojo.

"May I speak with you?"

It sounded like a request, but it never was.

"Can it wait? As you know, I've got patrol tonight; I'd like to get some z's in before headin' out."

"It'll only take a few minutes of your time."

Of course. Anythin' for you, SeNsEi.

"Fine," Raph eventually conceded, following Leo into the Dojo.

---

"I heard you spent the night at Valerie's?"

"What's it to ya?" Had Raph not already had his shell up, he may have responded with less hostility.

Anger flickered in the leader's eyes, but he responded calmly. "I was just wondering why I wasn't properly informed?"

"I told Casey."

"Yeah, you told Casey - not me. I only found out cos neither he nor Mikey would shut up about it. I don't appreciate you going around me like that. For safety's sake, please let me know first. Are we clear?"

"Crystal," Raph bit out. He didn't want to drag this conversation out any further - he needed to be alone with his thoughts.

"One more thing." Retrieving his shell-cell from the pocket of his belt, Leo showed Raph a single text message sent by Val.

[Good morning :) Sorry I missed you last night; I normally don't leave somebody's place without saying goodbye :/ Thanks again for having me... I was wondering if I could request an audience with you guys? I need to ask you all something. How does Sunday night sound?]

"Do you know anything about this?"

"Yeah, I do." Raph had already granted her his blessing, but it wasn't him she was concerned about...

Leo lowered his shell-cell. "Care to elaborate?"

"Yeah, I don't think so," the red-banded terrapin replied haughtily, arms folding across his plastron. "Remember the last time ya went behind her back for information?"

"I just wanna know what I'm walking into."

"Here's a fun idea," Raph proposed, dialling the condescension to 11. "Why don't you accept her request, right? No, stop. Lemme finish... you accept her request, then wait for her to come to you. Ain't no need to be doin' anythin' else... Don't ya trust her?"

---

The smooth, soulful music usually helped elevate her mood – not tonight.

To put it mildly, Val was exhausted.

She was at hour 14 of her 18-hour workday; running on less than four hours’ sleep. The fact that she needed to pay her bills was the only thing keeping her going at this point.

Her thoughts frequently drifted to this morning. Though it felt liberating to have finally gotten everything off her chest, a good part of her was questioning whether she even had the right to make such a request.

She hoped to God this decision doesn't bite her in the ass...

The shift itself was relatively uneventful, until a particular man trudged up to the bar. He looked to be in his mid-thirties with sandy-brown hair, grey eyes and dressed business casual. He was polite enough when ordering his first gin and tonic but, judging by his restless demeanour, seemed rather agitated.

Suspecting he may just be having a rough day, Val decided to engage him in some small talk.

A stupid decision, in hindsight.

Things started taking a weird turn when he called her over for his second drink.

”Hey, what’s your name?”

”Valerie.” She saw nothing inherently wrong with this question; a lot of people asked it.

”Valerie...” But there was something off about the way her name rolled off his tongue, and the smile that accompanied it. “A pretty name for a pretty girl.”

Val stifled an eye roll at that. You’re gonna be one of those guys, aren't you?

She handed over his drink with a half-smile, before stepping away to tend to other patrons.

He persisted.

”How old are you?” The man asked, not five minutes later.

”I really don’t think that question's appropriate,” Val cautioned, eyeing him warily.

”Aw, c’mon,” he insisted. “You can’t possibly be embarrassed about your age - you barely look legal.”

If I wasn't legal, I wouldn't be working here, you dumb fu-

”Sorry,” the brunette shook her head. “I’m not telling you my age.”

“Alright,” he conceded, raising his out-turned palms. “I was just trying to make conversation, but fine.”

Yeah, whatever buddy.

'Buddy' left her alone for another fifteen minutes; though she could feel his lecherous gaze on her everywhere she went.

”I’ll have another, thanks,” he called out, shaking his raised glass at her. Val stared for a moment, incredulous.

The nerve-

Deep breaths...

She strode over to refill his glass.

”Do you have a boyfriend?” He asked, leaning against the bar with a smirk. “Is that why you’re playing so hard to get?”

Raph. His touch still lingered on her skin...

What were they now?

"Who says I need a boyfriend to rebuff your advances?”

He scoffed. “So, you don’t have one.”

"I didn’t say that.”

His smirk deepened.

Stop. You’re giving him what he wants.

She quickly finished his drink and pushed it toward him, then walked away.

The older gentleman seated a few feet away abruptly waved her over. "You alright?" He whispered, side-eyeing her problem patron. "Need me ta take care’a him?"

"No, thank you. I'm okay." It felt nice to know somebody was watching.

After what felt like an eternity, Buddy finally rose from his stool to reach into his back pocket. Val sighed inwardly, relieved to finally be rid of this creep.

He paid for his drinks. No tip, but she didn't care at this point; she just wanted him gone.

She turned back toward the bar, expecting him to have left. Nope. He was still standing there, waving a fifty-dollar bill at her. "Your tip."

Still wearing that stupid smirk, he dropped the bill at his end of the bar; likely expecting her to lean over so he could stare down her blouse.

Yeah, not gonna happen.

"Thank you," Val replied with a sickly-sweet smile, as she waited for him to walk away.

He did not.

Buddy nodded to the bill. "You don't want it?" He asked. No response. Her smile faltered when he pulled out a twenty and placed it on top, pushing the notes toward her.

"You don't have to-"

"-No, it's yours," he insisted, pushing them all the way across the bar. The situation was clear - he wasn't going to leave until she took the money.

Val stole a glance at 'Older Gentleman'; he was already halfway out of his seat.

"Go on. Take it."

Steeling herself, the brunette took a tentative step forward.

The moment her fingers touched the notes, Buddy lunged forward, snatching her wrist and yanking her toward him; more specifically, the bulge in his slacks.

Val finally snapped, using her free hand to repeatedly box his ear whilst twisting free of his grip. She then used both hands to shove him away. He must've caught himself in the stool as he stumbled backwards; Older Gentleman, who was now behind him, stepped aside to watch him fall flat on his ass.

The entire bar was staring now; she didn't give a shit.

"Get. Out." Val snarled, trembling with rage. She snatched up the bills and tossed them down at him, before jabbing a finger toward the door. "And take your shit with you! Go on, get out! NOW!"

"You bitch!" Buddy hissed as he hauled himself to his feet; Older Gentleman kept him at bay.

"Security!" The manager bellowed as she rushed over. "What happened?"

Val was too riled up to respond, so Older Gentleman answered for her.

"This asshole just assaulted that young woman," he explained, releasing her assailant into the arms of two security guards. "Somebody needs ta call police-"

"-No," the brunette interjected; she'd rather not deal with police ever again, if she could help it. "Let's just throw him outta here; he's made enough of a fool of himself."

Nodding, the manager motioned for security to escort Buddy out - without his money. She then turned back to Val. "Are you alright?"

The brunette nodded stiffly, avoiding Older Gentleman's concerned gaze.

"Why don't you go take a breather? I'll take over until you're ready to come back."

"Okay..."

"Hold on a moment." Older Gentleman knelt to retrieve the discarded $70, holding it out for Val to take.

"No, it's okay," she replied, gently pushing away his hand. "I don't want anything he's touched."

"Okay, then." He dropped the notes inside the tip jar, before retrieving his own wallet and pulling out a hundred-dollar bill. "This is his tip, plus mine."

Tears brimmed the brunette's eyes as she fervently shook her head. "No, please-"

"I insist," the lines around his baby blues creased as he smiled. "If ya was my daughter, I'd be incredibly proud’a you; ya deserve to be compensated for ya trouble. I'm gonna leave this right here..." Setting the cash on the bar in front of her, Older Gentleman then turned to her manager. "I'd like ta pay for my own drinks now, please."

"Of course. Right this way, sir. Valerie, it's okay - go take some time for yourself."

Val's teary gaze followed the two as they walked away, before turning to the cash Older Gentleman left atop the bar. It was too much - way too much. Why would he do that for her? She knew why, but why? It was unnecessary...

But Lord knows she needed it. Badly.

She glanced over at Older Gentleman; he was watching her from across the bar, nodding to the cash with the same determined smile. He wasn't going to let her walk away without it.

So, she took it... Then proceeded scrubbing her hands raw.

---

After viewing the surveillance footage, Kyle ‘Buddy’ Hill was officially barred from the establishment. To ensure staff remembered his ugly mug, it was added to the dreaded Wall of Shame.

"You won't need to worry about him coming in here again," Val's manager assured her. "If he so much as sniffs about, he'll be trespassed."

Those words did little to assuage Val. If that creep really wanted to get to her, he'd find a way; law be damned. Her stepfather was the same.

I may need to find myself another job...

It was after two by the time she finally clocked off. The brunette waited inside for her cab, as she usually did. However, this time, she was armed with more than just her pocketknife. In her other hand, her assortment of keys were wedged between each finger.

Something was coming; she could feel it.

Val contemplated calling Raph for help, but ultimately decided against it. This was not his fight.

It didn't take long for light to fill the concrete stairwell - her cab had arrived. Now, for the hard part.

Val took a long, unsteady breath.

You've got this.

"I'm leaving now, Karen!" The brunette called over her shoulder as she headed for the door.

"Alright!" Her manager called back. "Stay safe! Goodnight!"

Now.

Out the door.

Lock it. No, not that way - yes! That's it! Go!

Up the steps! She could see the cab now, not six feet away.

We’re gonna make it!

"Hey, bitch!"

---

Man, it felt good to finally be on a solo run!

Raph was stationed at Highland Park tonight; believe it or not, most shady dealings occur close to Mother Nature.

He was having quite the productive night. He'd already picked up several perps guilty of various crimes, from drug distribution to aggravated assault. He attempted stringing a few up like he used to, in his Nightwatcher days, but his shoulder was having none of it. The wound itself had healed, but he'll forever be dealing with the residuary nerve damage.

For every perp caught, Raph had to report back to Donnie so the latter could call it in to the authorities. The Turtles (officially) working alongside the NYPD; it was an alliance that required a little getting used to, especially for the red-banded terrapin. There were certain protocols they had to abide by regarding suspect treatment. Raph was technically breaking the law by manhandling his detainees; the way he saw it, none of them deserved the respect.

Ya fuck around - ya find out.

"Hey Don, ya copy?"

"Yeah, Raph, I copy. What have you got for me this time?"

"Two suspects in custody - armed robbery - corner of Jamaica Avenue and Chestnut Street. They're ready for pick-up."

"Will do, thank you."

"...Hey, mind if I take fifteen? I've gotta make a call."

"At 2 am? Ah. Val?"

"She's usually not out before 2:15; I'll catch her then. It's Casey. You know he doesn't sleep while I'm on patrol."

"Aww, that's a bit cute."

"I know, right? He loves me that much."

"Off you go, then; wouldn't want to keep loverboy waiting. Over."

Pocketing his radio, the red-banded terrapin glanced once more at his freshly caught perps, zip-tied to a metal downpipe, before ascending the nearest building.

"Thanks for coverin' for me, bud," he teased when Casey finally answered.

"Hey, don't come at me; Mikey stole my phone."

"Riiight."

"You snuck out, ya sly dog! Wanted to move the party somewhere else, did ya?"

Raph chuckled at that. "That was actually Val's idea." He was too chickenshit to make suggestions. Then again, he was quite happy to continue messing around in the shower.

Casey hummed. "It's always the quiet ones, mate. Always."

"...Hey, I need some perspective."

"Shoot."

"How do ya feel about... hidin' us from other people?"

"Well, we don't really have anyone to hide you from; you guys are pretty much the only family we have... Did Val say somethin'?"

"She asked if she could tell the best friend and best friend's boyfriend."

"Okay. What'd you say?"

"I'm fine with it, personally. Whatever makes her life easier. It's Leo she's worried about, cos he told her to keep us a secret.”

"Ah. Look, it'd be pretty hard on her if they're the only support she has; especially now that you guys are a thing - right?"

They talked about it briefly but hadn't yet come to a more concrete decision.

"She says she'd like to see where this goes."

"Well, there ya go - you got an in. Maybe you could talk to Leo about makin' an exception?"

"I offered, but Val wants to talk to him herself."

"Oh! Okay. She's brave."

Raph chuckled again. "I'll say."

"Raph? Raph! Come in. Over."

"Hang on a sec, Case... Don? What's goin' on? Over... Why? … WHAT?!”

---

Masterlist / Chapter 12

@android-cap-007 @happymoonangel @miss-andromeda

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thisbuildinghasfeelings · 5 months

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#relatable#except i already changed the goal from 50 to 20 a couple months ago#and i will now be changing it from 20 to 10#i'm giving up this year as a lost cause#but i WILL read books next year#i swear

Which books did you read this year anne or which books will you read next year 👀 we can do a book club, just like movie club 👀

YES!! A book club is a great idea! It would probably help motivate me to actually read. I've sadly only managed to read 9 books this year. I used to pretty regularly read 100 or more a year, so I usually read a lot more. The biggest culprit is my cross stitching. Since April, I've spent most of my free time working on that, and I unfortunately can't cross stitch and read at the same time. I suppose I could listen to audiobooks, which I sometimes do, but I'm picky about which books I will listen to. I far prefer reading to listening. Usually I do audiobooks for rereads, memoirs, and books I know I'm never actually going to sit down and read, like 600 page Charles Dickens novels and things like that.

These are the 9 books I've read this year:

Astrid Parker Doesn't Fail by Ashley Herring Blake

Inspection by Josh Malerman

Husband Material by Alexis Hall

Hell Bent by Leigh Bardugo

How to Sell a Haunted House by Grady Hendrix

Anxious People by Fredrik Backman

This Time Tomorrow by Emma Straub

Hester by Laura Lico Albanese

The Most Precious Substance on Earth by Shashi Bhat

And I'm currently reading The Seven Year Slip by Ashley Poston. I need to at least finish that one so I can get my total up to 10. I'm off work for the last two weeks of the year, so maybe I'll get a couple more books in...but I also need that time to catch up on fic and obsessively cross stitch, so who knows.

I like reading all sorts of different things, and I'm always open to suggestions! With my lack of reading, I haven't been keeping up with new book releases much this year, so my to-read list isn't very up to date. These are some of the books on it that I most want to read in the future:

The Daughter of Doctor Moreau by Silvia Moreno-Garcia

Spells for Forgetting by Adrienne Young

The Night Watchman by Louise Erdrich

Thistlefoot by GennaRose Nethercott

The Bird's Nest by Shirley Jackson

Out of Darkness by Ashley Hope Perez

The Unconsoled by Kazuo Ishiguro

Did you read a lot this year, Tessa? What books did you/do you want to read??

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lesbianlotties · 11 months

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how would you rank the first 10 episodes of season 1 and why?

OH I LOVE RANKING THINGS THANK YOU...

ACTUALLY I TAKE IT BACK THIS IS IMPOSSIBLE

okay. i will attempt the impossible. but i Will be very biased and this is mostly about which episodes have my fav scenes ghsjdfhghfg from best to least favorite episode. let's go!! (spoilers: this is fucking long and i did both seasons!!!)

episode 1: pilot. because ??? it's literally perfect?? what do you want me to say. flawlessly introducing all the girls' pre-crash personalities. the shaunajackie homoerotic tension. "you are beautiful in the eyes of our lord". natalie wearing purple. pit girl!!!! she's been iconic since day 1!!!!

episode 10: Sic Transit Gloria Mundi. what can i say. i like beginnings and ends. i like high school reunions. i like death scenes that will haunt me forever and ever. and i still think that "who the fuck is lottie matthews?!" is one of the best lines ever

episode 5: blood hive. listen... nothing gets to me like a possession. to this day that's still one of my favorite scenes of the whole show

episode 9: doomcoming. absolutely iconic. pure chaos. also just the name doomcoming? instantly made history. "there's no bookclub?!?!?" also the aftermath of laura lee's death! how cute they all were getting ready together! jackie and misty. shaunajackie arriving together. lottie wearing laura lee's dress :) (smiling through the pain). TAIVAN!!

episode 2: f sharp. *whispers* cunt. ← literally all i need to say. but seriously. it's nice to see them already there. but not insane yet. and of course, "hello misty... you crazy fucking bitch <3"

episode 6: saints. HOMOEROTIC BAPTISM!!!! but also shaunatai!!!! miss sophie nelisse really has been acting her heart out since day one huh

episode 7: no compass. i really thought van was so dead here 😭 but that was insane. and i liked to see the adults still chasing ppl <3

episode 3: the dollhouse. LAKE SCENE!!!!!!!!!!! and the beginning of lottie's beef with the cabin <3

episode 8: flight of the bumblebee. this episode ruined my life <3

episode 4: bear down. i mean, one episode had to be last even if love them all!!!! i do!!!!! and as much as the competition was fun to watch, i think they should've killed travis the second that he pointed that gun at nat <3

and you know what???? i want to share my ranking of season 2 too 😭 gshjdfhgjfhg so

episode 1: Friends, Romans, Countrymen. lend me your ears!!!!! another perfect episode!!! i'm still getting chills every time i listen to seventeen and cornflake girl (which is several times every day). i think nothing compares to the feeling of watching shauna eat jackie's ear. also the day i fell in love with simone kessell as lottie matthews. i literally haven't been the same since then. also the teen lottie yell!!!!

episode 4: old wounds. listen.... i don't know what they put in this episode (laura lee's ghost and lottienat bath scene and adult van) but it literally changed me as a person

episode 2: Edible Complex. ella purnell acting as ghost jackie is seriously one of the best things i've ever seen. and the jackie feast!!!!! history was made!!!!!!!

episode 8: it chooses. when i tell you that i've never, never been so stressed as i was from the moment that they start drawing cards to the moment the credits started rolling in.... i'm so serious okay? worst night of my life. i wish i could live it again (bonus points for lottie losing it at her friends confessing their many crimes)

episode 7: burial. therapy time!!! bruce the goat!!!! 🥰 nothing compares to the feeling of seeing the adults just happily hanging out (plus florence and the machine songs!). and then shaunalottie sex scene shauna beating lottie up while the adults dance around a bonfire??? 1000% rewired my brain. i collapse on the ground every time i listen to lighting crashes (again. several times every day)

episode 6: qui. i fully support sophie nelisse emmy campaign <3 unnecessarily cruel <3 they fuckimg ate that baby <3 jackie's voice <3 high school reunion!! <3 that last scene will fucking haunt me forever and ever amen

episode 10: storytelling. this episode ruined my life <3 i will defend it forever though!!!!! i swear i will!!!! i'm yellowjackets episode 2.10 number one defender!!!!! the natalie coronation scene is my favorite thing in the world. and i loved to watch the cabin burn, idk if i was the only one but i did NOT expect it!!! can't wait to see them huddling for warmth on a pile like puppies on season 3

episode 3: digestif. baby shower 🥰!!!! and i'm a simple lesbian, i just want melanie lynskey to point me with a gun

episode 5: two truths and a lie. teen nat comforted by adult lottie like adult nat will be comforted by teen lottie in a few episodes will haunt be forever. but, "i'm so sorry bestie", literally no one wanted to see that much of randy walsh

#i lost my mind writing this i feel exhausted omg shgjdhgjhf #THANK YOU!!!#yellowjackets #answered #mistyquigly

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jtl07 · 10 months

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I've been reading your thoughts on each episode of WN as I've been doing my own rewatch and I agree with so many of your points on story structure and pacing. I just finished episode 10 and I'm so looking forward to your write-up of it because holy shit does that episode have some issues. I'm also curious about your thoughts on Mother Superion and how much she knows going into episodes 8 through 10. Cheers!

Hey! Thanks for this, so glad to hear some of my ramblings are actually coherent lol

But yeah, it’s been a mix: there’s some brilliant stuff (I’m still very much intrigued with how they’re setting up Vincent’s betrayal and now that I’ve watched Beatrice’s fight in episode 7 in context, I love it so much more, so excited to write that up) but there’s also some frustrating things - with pacing, as you’ve mentioned, and just execution in general.

The two things that are chafing at me: lack of subtext in the dialogue and how that's made things sluggish (which I’ve mentioned already in my ep5 rewrite) and making full use of the camera.

(Side note re: the former - I wonder if it’s a nod towards how in religion, everything is told orally? idk maybe I’m reaching lol)

For the latter, I’m thinking of framing, of blocking, of how and where the camera lingers. They do the last bit a couple times with Ava in the first episodes, which were beautiful, but I wish there was more of that. I just watched episode 7 last night and there’s two moments that immediately come to mind that could’ve been heightened with different shots: Beatrice leaving the armory after talking with Camila, and Mother Superion leaving the idk courtyard? after Duretti tells her the Pope has died.

Like, wouldn’t it have been cool to have held on Beatrice as she leaves, even from Camila’s pov, viewing Beatrice from the back (and give KTY more opportunity to show that fantastic physicality she has) as she walks away, trying to keep her head up, trying to remember how to walk unarmed? And that moment with Mother Superion, having a different shot could have heightened the change that I think they were trying to show - like maybe straight on as she grapples with the changing situation, or maybe have harder shadows to show the weight she's carrying ...

But speaking about Mother Superion: I was quite surprised that she’s been kind of in the periphery (though maybe that’s just been my attention lol). I feel like I didn’t really start paying attention to her until e7, mostly because of everyone pressuring her. The problem is that I’m not completely sold on her struggle. I think it was in e6 when she agrees with Duretti (disagreeing with Vincent and Beatrice), but then near the opening of e7 she disagrees. Sure, they’re about two different subjects (the shield vs the rejects) but I’m not sold on the whole “keeping herself distant because she cares too much” (which we only know because Mary says it). Part of it might be due to them spending time building up Vincent (so that his betrayal hurts more) and also Duretti as the villain, leaving not a lot of time for Mother Superion (maybe they’re banking on the reveal about her being rejected by the halo as a heavy hitter?) Not to mention, they’re constrained for time because they’re telling two stories in parallel since Ava’s been away from the OCS.

(Actually, a thought just occurred to me: What if ep4 had Mother Superion on comms during that mission to get the shield from Arq-Tech? Maybe even listening in when Beatrice calls out Lilith - maybe even giving the order for everyone to fall back when the alarms when off. OOOoooh yknow what would’ve been spicy? Have Beatrice defy that order, or at least say something like, “I can do it,” and Mother Superion be conflicted about letting her go alone. Oh man, that would’ve been cool, now I’ve made myself sad that we didn’t have that)

Uh … this got away from me lol. But I will say that you’re comment about “how much she [Mother Superion] knows going into episodes 8 through 10” has my curiosity piqued because all of my previous knowledge has only been clips and gifs, focused mostly on avatrice, so I’m very curious at how they’ll build up Mother Superion these next episodes!

Thanks again for the ask :))))))))))

#kasadilla11 #jt watches wn #jt rewrites wn #sister beatrice #mother superion #so much of what i love is really the acting more than the writing tbh #and while the writing has given fandom things to play with and holes to fill in #it's really frustrating to watch sometimes #if y'all have different thoughts and interpretations i am sosososo open to hearing it!#warrior nun

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aajjks · 5 months

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he’s gonna be PISSED 🤭

TPOL!JK

"hey, man! i've been alright. how are you?" says namjoon in the closet of your apartment.

yes, namjoon is in the closet because he doesn't want you to hear what he's planning to do for you. soon it'll be your birthday and namjoon wants to do something special, he wants to get something big for you. he's done plenty of special things with you but he wants to get you something memorable and who better than to ask than his longtime friend who's the king of memorable gifts: jeon jungkook AKA the ex boyfriend he doesn't know about.

you kept your past vague with namjoon and out of respect, he didn't get too pushy because he could tell that it was triggering for you. all he knows is that your ex is a horrible guy who didn't value what he had because you're an absolute gem to namjoon. a diamond in the rough.

you're a sucker for the movie tangled, loves to listen to pinkpantheress, and you're ambitious. coupled with your awkward yet straightforward nature; you're simply someone he wish he met earlier in his life but he's thankful for you no matter what. you're just as silly as he is and listen to his philosophical rambling without judging him like his other exes. you even join in with your two cents and he loves a woman that listens just as much as you love a man who doesn't mind taking care of you after a long day of work.

no berating, no arguing, just cuddles and laughs all night. you two are the perfect fit.

so here is namjoon talking to jungkook about a gift to give his girlfriend but because its been a while, jungkook doesn't remember namjoon having a girlfriend or even mentioning a girl the last time they spoke.

"i didn't want to tell you guys because i didn't want to jinx it but she's a keeper for sure. she's pretty, she's a dork like me, ambitious, and compassionate, did i mention she's pretty already?" says namjoon and jungkook laughs a little because he sounds like he's head over heels for this girl.

"but listen, i want to get her something for her birthday but i want it to be something memorable, y'know? so i was hoping you could give me some ideas" asks namjoon and jungkook asks just who is this girl? what does she like?

"oh, her name's--"

"NAMJOON!? are you in the closet? what are you doing in there?"

is that…is that YOU?!

Jungkooks so curious about who’s got his friend so whipped like this. “tell me her name first of all.” Jungkook laughs. At least someone is happy and in love.

Just then a voice interrupts namjoon, and Jungkooks eyes, widen as he focuses on the voice. It sounds awfully familiar. His heart skips a beat.

Is that you? Jungkook wonders for a split second but then he just shrugs it off because, of course, that cannot be you, he’s sure he needs therapy because now he even hears your voice.

“Is that her, Hyung??” he asks giggly. “Hmm I think you should get her… it’s been a while since I had a girlfriend..” jungkook speak in an embarrassed tone.

“ I think we should get her something meaningful.. I mean meaningful to her… what does she like?” He asks, tapping on his chin.

“and anyways when are you coming back to South Korea? What are you even doing in Switzerland?” he rolls his eyes because Switzerland just brings up Bad memories.

Jungkook clicks his tongue. “oh my God is your girlfriend a foreigner?? oh my God don’t tell me you’re dating a Swiss woman!!? I mean they are pretty- do you know what come back to South Korean bring her with you? I would love to meet her.” Jungkook misses his friend a lot because he has felt really lonely in the few years.

“IT’S BEEN YEARS SINCE I SAW YOU ALMOST 10 YEARS.”

“No no I don’t know anything you should celebrate her birthday in South Korea. Please book the next flight and just come back.”

#ask: tpol!jungkook #omg

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bcacstuff · 2 years

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I know you don’t want to go there but something really shifted yesterday evening, he is back online a lot more today he was all week, he was first on at 7am, yet OL filming is still the same it was all week. That’s why to me his silence wasn’t at all due to OL. He also was back on sm late last night which also didn’t happen all week. It feels like he actually worked today because it’s actually times we see him on when he usually works. That’s why it’s suspicious to think he worked at all this week. I saw the extras were on call sheet monday but the crew was off actually which is weird. To me week started tuesday but without him until today.

Is the easy answer not simply because they're moving things (locations) today. There're covid tests going on, and costume fitting (for extras at least). See my last post.... So yes he has more time to be online or to post compared to the rest of the week because he was working! Needed on set, be there. And spending with the crew near the location (as was clear from several posts). So less alone time in the evening. Nothing suspicious at all if you keep a clear, unbiased mind. [See my previous posts about filming schedules and locations]

And to all Anons with confirmation biased reasoning, here are a number I've received:

- he held his phone because he didn’t want his passenger to see what kind of messages he was receiving 🙄🙄 - She liked his video, she only likes the videos she’s involved in (oh and the one from Mexico???) 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄 - If they had broken up (?!) she wouldn’t like his video… 🙄🙄🙄 - There is a grey hoodie in the car reflection - must be her 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄 - Same style of filming as LV 🙄 - She filmed for her bfs P and C 🙄🙄🙄 - Someone (an Anon) saw them in a car (where is the picture?) 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄 - He is smiling at her, real smile with eyes…. 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄 - xxx followed her… 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄 - She doesn’t post since March - must be because of him 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄

(*) the number of eye-rolling emo's indicates the level of confirmation bias

Really Anons, this is NO Proof, nothing at all. A number of this very, very, very biased so called reasons are already debunked over and over again, another number is sheer craziness. I can keep repeating myself but you don’t want to listen it seems. Please stop it, I get sick and tired of these kind of confirmation bias. If you have proof, real proof, and not something based on what you are thinking because you want it to be real, then you can sent it to me. Other messages will be deleted and not answered.

I suggest you all take a cold bath every day, and keep your head under the cold shower at least 10 minutes a day, to get your clear thinking mind again.

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writer-and-artist27 · 9 months

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Hi dude! I hope you're having a good day. I've been reading your works for a while now and I was wondering if you can share your opinions on Oshi no Ko and its characters (specifically Ai Hoshino). No pressure, though! If this makes you feel uncomfortable, feel free to delete this ask.

Hello to you too, anon. Doing my best to have good days if anything. Only answering this at 10:06 pm on a Saturday night because of finishing a hangout with my best guy friend and my boyfriend, so it's been going well. The question doesn't make me uncomfy at all.

My opinions on Oshi no Ko, huh...

Gotta put it under a cut from how long this answer is turning out to be.

---------------------------------

I really love it. Now at least. It took some growing pains to come to that conclusion, because some of the story beats and character decisions made in-universe need me to turn my empathy off to take it in and not be sensitive/be hurt irl. Especially with the real life research put into said story beats because knowing how much corruption/nepotism can be put into the entertainment industry really is disheartening for me as someone who writes for fun and just wants to help others feel happy in a small way too. (Let it be said when I read into the story of wrestler Hana Kimura and how it might've inspired Akane's first story - I nearly cried and still currently sympathize with Hana's mother from being triggered by watching that particular anime episode.) That's how well-written it is - when I have to take breaks and research ahead of time so I don't get thrown off guard.

Funnily enough, I first heard of it when I started reading and slowly collecting the manga for Kaguya-sama: Love is War. Aka Akasaka was already really famous even amongst my small friend group irl from how he set the standard for new romance comedy, and when Oshi no Ko's anime adaptation was announced, that's when I started seeing the first manga volume pop up in Barnes and Noble stores my boyfriend and I visited together on dates.

I was really wary at first, no thanks to my first exposure to Mengo Yokoyari's art being Scum's Wish (and how uncomfy I was watching clips of that show since I'd been made a middleman to two relationships friends had by then) and how the Internet spoiled me on how Ai was going to die; and add in how they cast Rie Takahashi - as in Mash Kyrielight - as her VA, I was also just scared. Because I love Mash thanks to Fate/Grand Order, I really respect Takahashi's work - the last thing I needed when starting Oshi no Ko was to hear Mash's voice as Ai died.

But once the anime started and my boyfriend let me listen to Idol by YOASOBI - I was a goner. More so when I found the 45510 short story that fans translated from Akasaka that let the fanbase peek into Ai.

Just like how I grew to love Mash, I ended up falling for Ai more than any other character in Oshi no Ko. And, to be completely honest, I think it's from how much I sympathize with Ai. With her desire of trying to find love that's hers because she never truly knew what it was like, I mean. While Mash reminds me of a little sister that I could've wanted, a friend I wanted to look out for, Ai reminds me of the face I sometimes feel myself putting on in public, unconsciously too, especially when working in the healthcare community.

Not everyone is truly honest with themselves. The number of times I've had to hunch into myself on the trolley when others would throw baseless comments like, "Get out of my country, Asian bitch," "You're not my nursing mother, keep your bullshit away from me," and even "You're not God's angel, you fancy hoe" - there's a reason I've started to joke about having my own mini-book of "misadventures." The jokes let me cope with the increasing amounts of bitterness I've been seeing.

I've had to learn how to put on a smile, play up an innocent image of seemingly not hearing darker drama amongst coworkers, even fake cheeriness in my voice to molecular companies over the phone when asking for materials for patient care - because even the "nicest" people can hold the most bitter pills in life. But I have to keep that kind of mask up, just to make sure I make it through another day. To make sure the people I love don't worry more than they need to.

But at the same time, whenever I offer my coworkers a massage to their shoulders, give hugs when I can on bad days - everyone keeps calling me "sweet" and "kind." And it's still hard to believe that sometimes.

Ai told the lie of "I love you" in the hopes of finding love someday. It was hard not to like her when I try to do something kind because I honestly believe it's the right thing to do while wanting to believe in the hope of finding more people who feel the same way. In the hope I can find more people I don't have to be a "cheery star" for all the time.

Because I've been hurt way too many times by falsehoods. Because I've seen enough darkness.

...I forgot where I was going with this, but let it be said the glimpse we get into the entertainment industry mixed in with the very human aspect of all the characters shown in the story - from Ai, Aqua, Ruby, Kana, Akane, Miyako, Ichigo - every single one feels real and my struggles of trying to find myself in a worklife that's had me let go three times despite my best efforts (and bullied to the point of abuse one other time too) feel all the more valid. I guess.

#anonyomous #asks #ask #vy says something #oshi no ko #personal thoughts #long post

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seokcalibur · 2 years

Text

heather

summary: one-sided love in all aspects

warning: angst ig?

note: kind of? based on conan gray's heather

you and mingyu were best friends. connected in different ways that only you two can possibly do. he have seen you in your worst moments and vice versa. he knows you like the back of your hand and has been there for you through thick and thin.

all except for one.

you two decided to hang out after several weeks of not meeting because of your studies. along it was that he wanted you to meet his two best friends. there was something different in his tone when he mentioned that to you.

"hey y/n! let's hang out," he told you over the phone. you were busy, of course, but you couldn't decline his call.

"where to?"

"just this mall 1 hour away from us."

"i'll try."

"oh c'mon please?" you could practically see him giving you the puppy eyes while holding your arm against his. "also, i want you meet my friends. they want to know you as well."

"you mean wonwoo and minghao?"

"yes! wonwoo is that one who came with me when i had to visit my mom's workplace and accompanied me—"

"yeah and minghao is your best friend for 10 years already?"

"yes yes. so? can you?" you could hear the hope in his voice. you held back a sigh, knowing how long you haven't seen him.

"sure, i'll come."

what you didn't expect would be how suffocating it was to be in the same room as everyone else.

you met up with them in c/s/n inside the mall and you were the last one to arrive because of the traffic. upon arrival, you already saw mingyu sitting beside wonwoo with minghao in front of them.

your best friend waved excitedly at you, bringing a smile onto your face. you walked near them and saw how mingyu stood up just to greet you with a hug.

"i've missed you! you have to relax with your academics," he whined, earning a laugh from you.

"i'm in an org, gyu. you know i can't afford that," you replied with a smile before turning to his friends.

you softly smiled at minghao and held your hand out for him to shake. you knew him few times already because he usually plays valorant with you and mingyu. minghao and you weren't that unfamiliar with each other.

you turned your head and gave wonwoo a smile, holding your hand out for him to shake.

"harmon, right?" he clarified. harmon was your server name in discord because of your sudden addiction with the queen's gambit.

you chuckled and nodded your head, smiling when he took your hand and shook it.

when you sat down beside minghao, it didn't escape your vision at how mingyu's knees playfully bumped against wonwoo. what surprised you was how wonwoo placed his hand on his thigh. you looked up to check his reaction and you knew what his expression means.

you decided to disregard it, not until it went on for the rest of the day. you four were hanging out by the sea bay just by the back of the mall when you noticed how mingyu kept bumping wonwoo's shoulder and how wonwoo would place a hand on his back.

the last straw would probably be when you four were going home already and the only thing mingyu gave you and minghao was a tap on the shoulder and a tight hug for wonwoo. as if he doesn't want to let go.

since minghao was going the same way as you, you two decided to ride a taxi. that was the only time you were able to breathe. you looked out the window, a ball suddenly rising up in your throat and your eyes growing hot.

the thing was, you and mingyu were together just a month before. things suddenly happened that caused your break up but you two both agreed to remain as best friends without knowing how you will survive the friendship. you still loved him but getting back together wasn't an option—at least for him.

he confessed to you just weeks before that he's getting confused and he's starting to like wonwoo. you were his best friend, of course, you would listen to him and ignored the fact how your heart clenched and made you want to sob throughout the night.

a lone tear escaped your eyes as you look out the window. one became two. two became three. so on and so forth. you were thankful you had your hair down, minghao wouldn't see you crying.

you knew how those simple gestures wonwoo gave to mingyu made his heart flutter. and it hurts because you knew. you wanted to hate wonwoo, but how could you? when he's such a beaut. so perfect. he was brighter than the blue sky.

unbeknownst to you, minghao noticed even the slight change of your composure. your shoulder slightly shake, if you don't look close enough, you wouldn't notice.

minghao was aware of your relationship with mingyu and what happened. he knew right away it wouldn't be easy for you, seeing as you still loved mingyu. he saw all those lingering stares whenever wonwoo does something for mingyu and how he would discreetly react.

what you don't notice was that minghao was looking the same way you look at the two of them.

you two were looking at someone with love.

both unseen.

both deserved more.

tmi but some of this was based on real life experience haha the minghao and y/n thing is not included tho :> i hope the ones who will see this gets the love they deserve! ily all <3

#seventeen #seventeen scenarios #seventeen x reader #seventeen imagines #mingyu scenarios #mingyu x reader #mingyu imagines #jeon wonwoo #wonwoo #xu minghao #minghao #the8 #Spotify

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elshells · 1 year

Text

Agent Ace Chapter 10 || HARLEY

Rating: Teen + Word Count: 3,762 Content Warnings: Reader discretion is advised. Click here for a list of potential warnings; only #1 applies. Summary: Jade is cleared from the medical ward, returning home three days after Harley's interrogation. Harley pays her a visit and discovers that Jade has a surprise waiting in store.

↤ PREVIOUS CHAPTER

⬗

June 25 6:21 P.M. Stahlfeld District

Harley held her hand up in front of her face, twisting it around and watching the sunlight reflect off the bracelet. She didn't hate it any less after wearing it for three straight days, but at least it looked like an ordinary piece of jewelry. No one else who saw her would know that she was being watched—not that that was a comforting thought.

She wondered if the Watch could see her now. If they could, they would know that this was the first time she'd left her house since they'd given it to her. Or, if the tech was even more advanced, they might know that she was outside with Ahren, walking only a few minutes away from Jade's house.

Were they getting real-time footage of everything she saw, and listening to her conversations? If she declared out loud to the bracelet that she was innocent, would it hear her and fall to the floor in pieces?

She wouldn't be getting the answers to those questions any time soon. Except for the last one, which she had already discovered from experience was a hard 'no.'

"Harley?"

She dropped her hand. "Hm?"

"What's on your mind?" Ahren asked.

"I don't know."

He sighed, but didn't press her further. They followed the curve at the end of the sidewalk and started up the hill. Harley began to pick up the pace. She'd trekked up this hill countless times before, and she was especially eager to get to the top.

"Hey." Ahren spoke again, but she kept her gaze trained forward. "I have a question for you. About the, uh, interrogation. And if you don't want to hear it, tell me, and I'll shut up. Okay?"

"Okay." She shrugged. "What is it?"

"Did the Watch have anything to say about Sophia?"

It was just like Ahren to ask about Sophia, though Harley couldn't blame him. "They still don't know where she is, if that's what you're asking."

"I figured as much." He sounded calm, but from the corner of her eye, Harley noticed him stiffen.

"She'll be okay," she said, trying to sound chipper. "Right? She's tough."

It sounded even more unconvincing out loud.

"Sophia never gives up easily," Ahren agreed, and Harley was grateful that he was willing to gloss over her poor attempt to reassure him. "I just... Harley, I'm really sorry. About what you—"

"I know. It's okay."

The Guardian's face was still vivid in her mind. His death hadn't been revealed to the public yet, but her mother had learned his name after a conference with the Watch—Victor Klymenko. Though knowing his identity didn't bring her any closure. If anything, it just made the situation much more real.

"Well," Ahren said hesitantly, "what about your friend? Max, right? Did they have anything to say about him?"

She shook her head. "No. They said they'd let me know if they learned anything else, but so far, I've heard nothing."

"Hopefully, Melissa will know more after tonight's meeting."

In the days since her interrogation with the Watch, Harley and her mother had probably exchanged about ten words total. After a Guardian wound up dead, the Council was extra keen on hearing and explanation from the Watch, and as a councilor, that meant that Melissa was barely around.

Don't trust the Watch, her inner voice chimed in helpfully.

If she was lucky, the Council would do their job and keep the Watch in check. She only hoped that her instinct was wrong.

"How long will she be gone?" Harley asked.

"I don't know," Ahren replied. "Could be all night. I plan to stick around until she's back, though. Just in case."

Harley pushed open the gate at the top of the hill. The sidewalk circled around a cul-de-sac, nestled inside a shady grove of trees. Ahren and Harley stopped in front of a tall, olive-green house with crisp white trim. The wooden porch was decorated with an assortment of colorful hanging baskets that wafted a sweet, flowery aroma down the driveway.

Next to her, Ahren cleared his throat. "Well, I'll be back to pick you up in an hour or two. Tell Jade and her family I said hi."

Harley nodded. "I will."

"Hey, one more thing." Ahren placed a careful hand on her shoulder, and Harley looked up to meet his earnest gaze. "I'm here for you. You know that, right?"

She forced a smile onto her face. "Right."

"If you need anything from me," he continued, "and I mean, anything, please talk to me. I'll help you in whatever way i can. Just say the word."

"Thanks. You, too, Ahren."

He patted her arm. "See you soon, kid,"

She turned away and began to climb up the driveway, glancing once over her shoulder to see Ahren walking back the way they came. As she approached the porch, the front door opened and Jade's mother, Imani, stepped outside. Her braided hair was pulled up into a bun at the top of her head, and the dimples in her cheeks deepened as she smiled and spread her arms wide.

"Harley!" She pulled her into a firm hug. "It's so good to see you."

Harley accepted the embrace. "It's good to see you, too, Mrs. de Soto."

She pulled away, her face falling as she met Imani's warm, dark eyes. "I'm so sor—"

"Sweetheart." Imani quieted her with a squeeze on her arm. "You have nothing to apologize for. I'm just happy you and Jade are both safe."

She gave Harley a half-smile, but the tears in her eyes were unmistakable. Harley lowered her gaze to her feet as Imani gave her another quick hug.

"Come inside," she said. "Jade has been dying to see you."

Harley couldn't help but grin. "So have I."

She followed Imani into the house, kicking off her shoes and shutting the front door behind her. The voices of Jade and her father drifted down the hallway, speaking to one another in Spanish.

At this, Harley felt a tiny pang of envy. Jade's father, Angel, was from Puerto Rico, and while Harley's own father had been of Mexican descent, he hadn't grown up learning Spanish with his adoptive family. Jade had taught her a few words and phrases, but Harley was still far from fluent, and she wished that she'd started to speak the language sooner.

"Jade!" Imani called. "Harley's here!"

Footsteps thudded from the opposite room, and Jade appeared at the end of the hallway. The corners of her eyes crinkled as her face lit up. "Harley!"

"Hey." Harley crossed one arm over her chest, suddenly overwhelmed.

"Let's go to my room." Jade took her hand and led her up the stairs. Harley gave a final wave to her parents as they rounded the corner at the top of the steps.

Jade's bedroom barely looked any different from the last time Harley had seen it. It was tidier than her apartment, and the unmade bed was the only indication that anyone had been living in it. The walls, which alternated between mint and terracotta, were cluttered with canvases, all filled with Jade's art. The color combinations seemed odd at times, and the paintings' subjects almost seemed to pop out of their frames like visions in a dream. It was something Jade called 'surrealism,' which Harley thought was a perfect descriptor.

One canvas stood out from the rest—propped up on an easel in the corner of the room was a large painting that, while unfinished, resembled the tiny potted cactus basking under the sun lamp on the windowsill. The painting was simplistic, but completely different from Jade's usual style.

"I wanted to try another approach," Jade said, following Harley's gaze to the canvas. "Sometimes it's good to go back to what's familiar, y'know?"

Harley took a deep breath as the door pulled shut behind her. "Jade—"

She broke off as Jade threw her arms around her, almost knocking her off balance. Harley held on tight, not daring to breathe as Jade buried her head in her shoulder. They stood there in silence, swaying in each other's arms.

After several heartbeats passed, Jade murmured, "I'm so glad you're okay."

"Y-You, too." Harley's voice cracked. "I thought I was too late."

Jade let go and fell back onto her bed, taking an otter stuffie off her pillow and holding it to her chest. Harley pushed a pile of blankets to the side to sit down next to her. For a moment, they sat in comfortable silence.

"So, the Watch cleared you from their medical ward?" she asked.

"With a clean bill of health. My jaw's a little sore, but the worst I'll have is a bruise." Jade rubbed her jaw, then looked at Harley with a big-eyed gaze. "Did Sophia really know I was in trouble?"

"Honestly, I don't know. It's a long story."

Jade paused, then picked up another stuffie—a fox—and tossed it gently into Harley's lap. "Tell me."

Harley looked down at the fox's pointed face, then back up to Jade as she began to fidget with its fuzzy orange ears. "She called me in the middle of the night, but something was wrong. I don't think she was alone, or maybe it wasn't her at all. But she told me to find you, and I left the house to find her gun on the doorstep."

She pulled herself into a cross-legged position and sat back against the wall. "I was so scared that you were already dead that I didn't stop to ask any questions. Nothing else mattered except that you were okay. But, here we are now."

Jade listened in silence, toying with a curl of hair. "I'm so sorry. All of this... it's horrifying what's happened. But at the same time, you saved my life. Thank you."

Harley shook her head. "I didn't do anything."

"You did what you could."

"Well..." She shrugged. "I just wanted to help. But now, I'm just worried about Sophia."

Jade leaned forward, resting her chin on top of the otter's head. "Does she have any enemies?"

"I mean, the Watch has enemies, so yeah."

"Anyone who'd want to hurt you, specifically?"

"I don't know. Sophia was looking for Max, and now, she might be missing, too. What if she found something, and someone else is keeping her quiet? And what does any of this have to do with you, or me? Everything else is connected, but we're just... in the middle of this."

She buried her face into the fox's fur. These questions in her head were becoming too much to bear.

"Harley?" Jade said.

Harley lifted her head to see Jade push herself to her feet. Her face was still somber, but now she had the tiniest smile.

"Will you come with me?" she asked. "I have something I want to show you."

* * *

Harley didn't know what to expect after following Jade to her car. She hadn't said anything else—not even a goodbye to her parents on their way out the door—but she had a familiar, steely gleam of determination in her eye. Whenever she looked like that, Harley knew she could trust her to take charge.

Fifteen minutes later, they were greeted by the vibrant neon lights of South Blumoore, bouncing off every surface and weaving through traffic like rainbow threads. Blue twilight had settled over the city, but crowds of people bustled around every street corner, drawn in and out of the clubs and bars that pumped muffled music out into the night. Even before Jade had parked the car on the edge of the street, Harley knew exactly where she was going.

The Vibe stood out prominently on the other end of the sidewalk, the glowing sign above the door burning into Harley's retinas. Though the music inside was faint, her pulse began to beat in sync with the rhythm.

"Hey, no offense, J," Harley said as she squinted out the passenger window, "but I don't think I'm in the mood for dancing."

"We're not going inside," Jade responded as she stepped out of the car. Harley followed her out, watching as she reached into the back seat and pulled out a grocery bag. The contents rattled as she jumped up next to Harley on the sidewalk.

"What's that?" Harley gestured toward the bag.

"I'll answer that in a minute." Jade took her hand. "Follow me."

She led her around the sidewalk corner to the back of the venue, where a brick alleyway obscured them from the view of the streets. As Harley's eyes adjusted to the dark, her breath caught in her throat.

The large window looking into the venue was boarded up, but the plywood had been painted over with colorful, elaborate street art—sprawling geometric shapes and spirals that fit together in strange but perfect ways.

Jade gave her hand a gentle squeeze. "What do you think?" she whispered.

"I-It's beautiful."

"I know. But look closer."

Harley took a step toward the window, examining every airbrushed line. The chaotic patterns began to make sense, fitting together like pieces of a convoluted puzzle.

She was looking at a city, but not Harmont. Another city whose skyline was collapsing in on itself.

Most importantly, though, were the three words branded across the canvas in bold black letters.

"'For Max Ahn,'" Harley read aloud, brushing her fingertips along the patterned wood. "What is this?"

"Haven't you seen these all over the city?" Jade's voice carried from over her shoulder.

"Can't say that I have."

"There's a vigilante arsonist that's been running around lately. I'm sure you've heard about it. A lot of paranoid businesses have started boarding up their buildings out of fear of being targeted—by the arsonist, or by rioters, either way. Street artists have been leaving their tags on the windows, which isn't legal, technically, but graffiti is so low on the Watch's list of priorities that I don't think anyone minds having these little displays of art."

"Did you make this?" Harley asked breathlessly.

"Only partly." Jade stood next to her, staring at the window and looking as mesmerized as Harley felt. "A couple of weeks ago, I came by here and found another artist leaving her mark. I didn't know her, but she caught me watching and asked if I wanted to join her."

A smile grew on her face as her eyes drifted over the painting. "I didn't want to at first—it's sort of a rule that you shouldn't paint over someone else's art—but she insisted. Said that we could be partners. So I helped her finish it, and I added Max's name, with her permission."

"Wow." Harley looked back to the words, tracing the loops and curves of the letters with her gaze. "Who was she?"

Jade shook her head. "No idea. I never found out. But I know I've never seen her around here before. I would have recognized her."

"What did she look like?"

"Like most other street artists. Cargo pants, a puffy jacket with the hood up over her head. But she had these pink glasses covering her face—I've never seen anyone wear something like that before. It makes them stand out, which is generally undesirable."

Harley pulled her hand away from the wood with a start. A face flashed before her eyes, smiling at her through the tinted lenses.

The person on the light rail. The one that spoke to her when she used Kit's headphones. The voice she'd heard inside her head. The voice she'd heard inside her head.

She turned back to Jade. "Did you say—"

Her reply was lost on her tongue. The last dying ray of light fell over Jade's face, catching her eyes and turning them gold.

Whoa. Her heart skipped a beat. I forgot they did that.

Jade had the most most amazing eyes that Harley had ever seen—deep brown and warmly intense, and when they captured the light, they came alive and danced with golden sunbursts.

"What?" Jade asked, tilting her head so a stray curl fell over her forehead.

Harley blinked, glancing away. "Y-You're incredible, Jade. This is incredible."

Jade laughed. "I'd go to every single window in this city if I had the time. But, here."

She reached inside the bag and pulled out a can of spray paint, giving it a couple of vigorous shakes before handing it off to Harley.

"Wait." Harley took it hesitantly. "What? I'm not an—"

"I thought you might want to add Sophia's name," Jade said. "Like, as a way to welcome her home when she comes back. W-With Max."

Harley nodded and looked down at the can, noticing the subtle twitch of her own fingertips.

"You don't have to, if—"

"Shush." Harley uncapped the can of paint and walked up to the window. With one more shake, she took aim and held down the trigger. A cloud of paint exploded from the nozzle with a hiss, catching her momentarily off guard. She waved her arm around in wide, sweeping arcs to complete the letters of Sophia's name.

Finally, she stepped back to inspect her handiwork. Sophia Colbo stared back at her her, blotchy and uneven compared to Jade's handwriting.

Jade tapped her on the arm. "I love it."

"Th-Thank you."

"Can I borrow that? For a final touch."

Harley handed her back the can. Jade stood on her tiptoes and began to paint in quick, confident strokes. The lines banded together into crude shapes, taking form before Harley's eyes. When she stepped away, two wispy silhouettes stood beneath the names, reaching towards each other with one outstretched arm.

Max and Sophia. Shivers ran across Harley's skin.

Jade dropped the can with a loud clatter. She met Harley's gaze for a split second—long enough for her to see another flash of gold—before she broke down into tears.

"Hey, hey." Harley pulled her into her arms and held her close. "I got you."

Jade sniffed and pressed her face into Harley's shoulder. "What the hell is happening?"

Harley squeezed her tighter, lowering her down into a kneel on the sidewalk while struggling not to cry herself. The reverb from the bass inside the Vibe thudded in her chest like a third heartbeat amongst her and Jade. As Jade regained her composure, she leaned into Harley, hugging her around the waist and taking deep, shuddering breaths.

"The Watch is going to find them," Harley told her in a hushed voice. "The Guard is involved now. If anyone can help us, they can."

"But what if they can't?" Jade asked, her voice muffled by Harley's shirt. "Sophia's gone. What if something already happened to her, or Max? What if something happens to us?"

Harley's gut twisted. I really don't want to think about that. "We don't know that whoever did this wants anything to do with me, or you. Right?"

"But, still—"

"What happened that night, in your apartment?"

Jade didn't respond for a long time. Finally, she said, "I woke up to the window breaking. When I left my room to investigate, someone was standing in my living room. I-I didn't even see the body."

Harley rubbed her back. "That's okay."

"It was dark, and I never got a good look at them," Jade continued with another sniff. "I tried to run, but they caught me. The next thing I knew, you were there."

Harley thought of the rogue vigilante from the news—the fires they'd set, and the rest of the city preparing to be hit. Could Jade's apartment have been their next target?

But what would that have accomplished? Would they have succeeded if Jade hadn't intervened? Did it even fit their motive to do so?

She couldn't bring herself to suggest the theory aloud.

Jade sat up straight, wiping the tears from her face. "Your phone's buzzing."

Harley realized with a jolt that she was right. She pulled the phone out of her pocket and checked the screen for the caller. "It's Ahren."

"Go ahead and answer," Jade insisted.

Harley accepted the call. "Hey. What's up?"

"Hey, Harley." Ahren's voice sounded tight. "So, uh, look. So, it's getting dark, and I need you to come back home, but... well, I made a mess of the kitchen trying to make dinner, and it's gonna take me a while to clean up. I-I think I'm gonna have to order a pizza, and... well, anyway, could you have the de Sotos bring you home? I don't want you walking out and about alone."

"Jade can drive me back," Harley replied. "It'll only take us a few minutes. Do you care if she stays the night? If she wants to."

"Uh, sure, if her parents are okay with it."

"Cool. We're on our way. See you soon." She hung up and put the phone away. "It's time for me to go home. You can come have dinner with us if you'd like."

"Okay, yeah. That sounds fun." Jade jumped to her feet, grabbing the spray can off the ground.

"Are you feeling okay?" Harley asked as she stood back up. "Do you want me to drive?"

"No, I'm fine. Promise." Jade dropped the can into the bag. She started to walk back towards the car, but halfway there, she stopped and turned back to Harley. "Uh, thanks for coming her with me. This was... well, I don't know what to call it, exactly. But, thank you."

Harley smiled. "Thank you for bringing me along. We made a really good thing here."

You, me, and this mysterious artist, whoever she is.

What does she want from me?

Harley took Jade's hand, sending one last glance towards the vibe and the painting on the wall before they walked together out of the alleyway.

NEXT CHAPTER ↦

TAG LIST: @writernopal, @mysticstarlightduck, @liv-is, @wotchergiorgia

I reserve all rights to the contents of this post. Any similarities to real-life people, places, or events are purely coincidental. Attempts to use or reproduce my work without my consent will not be tolerated. I share my work on this Tumblr account, on AO3 under the same name, and on Wattpad under the username @ persephonehale. If you read this story anywhere else or under any other name, please notify me immediately, as I am unaware of and did not consent to its distribution to any other platforms. Thank you!

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liltaz-asatreat · 1 year

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5, 6, 7, and 10 for Meadow? :D

OC question list here!! <- send some in? :D

So this got really long because I never know when to shut up, so I'm putting this under a readmore lol

(Also, I explained some stuff in detail that I've already told you for the benefit of anyone else who might read this lol)

5. What are their regrets?

There's a lot of things Meadow regrets on a daily basis lol But there are quite a few long lasting big ones. Like the obvious enacting the Relic plan, not listening to Lucretia, and not being able to save Phandalin. Then there's two things he regrets from childhood: not running away from home sooner and simultaneously leaving his then six year old cousin whom he was pretty close to. He also regrets spending so much time fighting with himself during the decade post voidfishing and the fact that he was only able to get very little done and caused himself a lot more stress and heartache than was strictly necessary. And the fact that he can't just turn off his brain and go to sleep to escape his thoughts like other people can unless one of his bodies dies. And there's two things that happen during the fic that he comes to regret doing and/or not doing, but those are spoilers >:)

And then the two really big ones is the defining backstory moment of coming across the Word Weaver's Amulet (the Grand Relic they made) and giving it to Astra, their then best friend who I still haven't decided if they're just best friends or if there were romantic feelings involved. Every time I think I've decided on one, I end up changing my mind again, but regardless, they were really close. And Astra said she thought it was beautiful and really wanted it, and when they both came across it, they had been going on a walk to try and cheer Astra up and get her to clear her head because she was having a really bad day, so Meadow, famously unable to say no to anything even though they had the gut feeling that something bad was going to happen, gave it to her. The fallout of how she used the Relic and what exactly transpired is a spoiler, but she definitely dies which is how Meadow ended up with it again, and they've regretted everything ever since.

The second big one is, because during the Stolen Century, they were able to save Meadow's body from the Plane of Logic from the Hunger, and both of his bodies were on the ship for the rest of the century and until Lucretia dropped his Logic Body off in the Faerun's reality's Plane of Logic, Meadow was always up in one body or the other, by nature of that's just how he works, so he was awake when Lup was about to leave the Starblaster for the final time before she disappeared. He saw her before she left, and they had a short conversation where Meadow knew something was wrong, and he thought he helped her to feel better, which in all fairness, he did a little, but Lup still wanted to have some alone time and clear her head down on the planet and then everything that happened afterward happened. So Meadow regrets not stopping her from leaving or at least not going down to the surface with her.

And tbh, because of Meadow being awake 24/7, they had taken it upon themself/was designated to be the person on watch at night throughout the century after both of their bodies were on the ship because all of the others needed sleep and didn't have a fancy shmancy second body to be awake in after going to bed. So because they were up and because they had talked to Lup before she left, Taako mostly, but Barry too to an extent, kind of blamed them for her disappearance. Barry would never say it out loud, but I feel like Taako might have snapped at them once about it, but like, Meadow knew. At that point, they had known them for long enough that they could tell for sure it wasn't just their brain being mean and jumping to conclusions, they were acting a little hostile toward them toward the end there.

6. What are their biggest fears?

Everything lol They're a big ball of anxiety and stress-

No. Well, they are a big ball of anxiety and stress and are a very fearful person, but they aren't afraid of everything.

They are, ironically, very afraid of heights lol The only reason they agreed to go on the Starblaster mission was because they couldn't pass up the opportunity to go to space and explore the space between the planes and do all of that cool stuff. As soon as the opportunity came up, that was basically all they wanted to do and the thing they wanted to get most out of life because they love the stars and space and exploring and everything about it! And how they figured they could get around the height issue was that they could just stay away from the railing and stay toward the center of the ship, and maybe if there wasn't a ground or a metric in which to gauge how high up he'd be, he would be fine.

I think during the century he learned how to push past it mostly out of necessity, but by the time they made it to Faerun, and Material Meadow lost his memories, his issue with heights hit him full force again tenfold, and he has to fight to remain calm while traveling in the cannonball spheres and looking down from the moon base and all that lol

Then, of course, he has a normally paralyzing fear of failure that he has to push through to get literally anything done in the story and honestly, during the century.

And then they never had a good working memory before the voidfishing, so they already hated the idea of losing any more memories. The voidfishing exasperated that into a full blown near phobia of losing memories, especially really important ones.

And then there's the fear of losing everyone and everything permanently and the fear that everyone is going to leave him, especially for reasons they refuse to tell him, so he wouldn't understand why they decided to leave him in the first place.

And then there's the double related fears: Falling asleep while they're in danger because someone decided to wake them up on the other side, especially if they refuse to let them go back to sleep, and someone finding out about them having a double and attacking him or leaving him or ostracizing him because they either don't believe him, refuse to take it seriously, or outright hate him for it

7. How do they cope with stress?

LOL

List making! Mental breakdowns! But mostly they write. Poetry for the most part is their form of journaling, but sometimes they just write out their thoughts too. If they have an idea for a short story, they'll work on that too as usually a more maintenance kind of thing and not something they'd do in the moment of feeling very overwhelmed, and they never really have the time to try and write a whole novel or something. At least, for the most part they didn't. There was that short period of time during the decade where they were at the writing guild Lucretia sent them to in the Material Plane, the Ink Spill Guild, where they had the time to work on a novel because they were ignoring the instructions they were leaving for themself that they made when they actually remembered everything. And they might have been working on a novel, idk. Sounds fun and very much something I would do lol But after that, Meadow spent most of their time adventuring, and then when they got up to the moon base, trying to figure out where the second voidfish was and what the plan was going to be then now that they found Lucretia.

As for when they're in the Plane of Logic though, they didn't give themself as much time to write because they were struggling so hard to get their spaceship built and off the ground, both in the physical aspect of actually researching it and doing it and also fighting the paralysis they usually get when they get super stressed and scared/anxious about something. And the whole possibly being the only one of their family who remembers anything besides Lucretia, but only when they're on a plane where they can't really do much about it, and that means they might be the only person with a chance of stopping Lucretia from destroying the Material Plane and putting their family back together thing is kind of really stressful lol

To compensate for that, Meadow throws himself full force into building the spaceship when he's particularly stressed because it's something to do with his hands and is something that is supposed to get him closer to reaching his goal. Sometimes if they're stuck on how to do something to actually continue building onto the ship but can't focus on reading and researching or even thinking really hard, they take apart and put back together some other component that doesn't really need fixing.

He also sometimes lets Sparrow and their friends forcibly drag him away to hang out with them, and that makes him feel better and less alone. Also eventually talking to Barry helps even if when he does it, he doesn't remember their shared history, and Barry can't tell him anything about it yet, and also hanging out with Merle, Magnus, and Taako.

Back on the Starblaster, Taako and Lup also brought them into learning how to bake :>

And then when things are really shitty, sometimes they dissociate and just check out completely. On top of that, sometimes it'll happen as they are in an immediate stressful situation, especially if they're trying to talk to someone, much to their extreme annoyance because it's really hard to fight it off and come back to reality. They very rarely ever succeed at it.

10. Who is someone they miss?

Astra and Lup definitely, and Lucretia and Davenport and all of them. Even when he joins the Bureau and sees most of them again, he misses how their relationships with each other used to be and the fact that none of them, including him while he's actually physically there with them remember except for Barry and Lucretia. It's this weird feeling of simultaneously being super happy to see them while also still feeling very far away and disconnected when he's awake in the Plane of Logic because he's no longer there and he remembers Davenport being able to talk and Lucretia not holding them all at arm's length and lying to them all the time and being able to hug Barry and Lup being there and the other boys sharing almost everything and all of them being a family. He's able to enjoy being in their presence more, for the most part, while he's there and with them because he doesn't remember the history, but that just makes him miss them more when he wakes up and does remember.

They also really miss Fisher, and while they hang out with it and Johann sometimes, it's still not the same. Both because of the memory thing and also because, while it's Lucretia's fault for erasing everyone's memories, Fisher still had the power to do that, and it didn't broadcast it out after realizing no one could remember and that everyone was gone. So there's also a certain level of wariness and fear I think

And then they do miss their parents to an extent. I mean, they're their parents. And there were good times with them while they were growing up. And they also really miss their cousin that they were close to.

Also, even though Meadow is a self insert and I have siblings, I decided against giving Meadow siblings because, well, not only does Meadow run away from home and leave everyone behind when he's 14, but like, the Hunger and the end of the world happened, and it felt really gross and wrong to be like, yeah! Meadow is me and also all of his siblings died tragically during the apocalypse. I just can't do that. But! I needed a child relative substitute that Meadow would have been close to because an event that happens about them is the catalyst of Meadow finally deciding to run away. I felt like having them be a cousin was enough degree of separation for me to be more comfortable with especially since the event is probably only going to be referenced in a passing one sentence comment, if that, during the Chalice scene. So that's why the cousin exists

#thank you for sending this in; Sunny! :D #and also just a little extra ramble about a personal thing I guess:#the conceit of any of this story happening and Meadow leading the life that they do and did is basically; what if I had actually chosen to #run away at 14; and not only that; but succeed and *live*?#and also; of course; this was the world of taz balance; and the whole double thing #I like where I am now in life mostly; but tbh #that one moment I almost did it; that's my biggest what if #I don't regret not doing it because of where I am today; but like; sometimes I wonder how different my life would have been #ask game #double troubles

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wooahaes · 1 year

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If you're still in need of some EXO recommendations, I got you! Enjoy the following ask that definitely isn't way too long didn't take me way too much time to put togetherbecause I couldn't decide on just a few songs

(before getting to the list tho, I just wanted to say that I really enjoy your writing and it's helped me through some hard last weeks, so thank you for that 🥰)

So, first of all, fitting to this season, I can really recommend the whole universe album (I especially enjoy Fall), Sing for you and miracles in december, 10/10, always great

Then, we've got the classics - Baby don't cry, Mama (their debut, still hitting strong), Overdose

The title tracks obviously as well, but I especially really really love Tempo, the acapella part in the bridge is just out of this world good; also Lucky One is a really really good one (that I feel often gets overshadowed by Monster)

Now I could list a lot of side tracks, but I'm gonna try to keep it to two per Album ^^' and go through them chronologically

Playboy and Hurt, Promise/Exo 2014, Artificial Love and They never know, Can't bring me down, Boomerang, The eve (obviously, you definitely have to watch the dance practice too), walk on memories and touch it, ooh lalala and smile on my face, Jekyll and Groove, Paradise

Now coming to the solos and subunits, I'll just go for one each, because this is already way too long 😶

Baekhyun - UN Village

Kai - Nothing On Me

D.O. - Rose

Chen - Beautiful Goodbye

Suho - Starry Night

Xiumin - Brand New

EXO-CBX (Chen, Baekhyun and Xiumin) - Hey Mama

EXO-SC (Sehun and Chanyeol) - What a Life

And last but not least: Lay - Lit this song is just so so so good, it's honestly one of my all time favourites

hii nonny! ive been meaning to get around to listening to all of these but im just gonna answer this one ask (since other ppl have suggested the same songs) and listen through rn!!

also tysm!! i'm glad i was able to help you through hard times. i hope things are better for you now <3 december has been weird for a lot of us i think, but we're getting through it. 2023 is just around the corner!!

i'm gonna go into this mentioning that the only EXO songs i know are love love love, tempo, baby don't stop, ko ko bop, and el dorado. there's probably more i've heard snippits of, but those are the ones i'm most familiar with >:3 (love love love was one of the first songs i listened to (outside of shinee) back in like. 2014-2015ish when i was originally into kpop tbh!!)

i'll come back to sing for you + miracles in december since universe has been a lot slower/calm winter vibes which is great but im admittedly in a weird spot rn ksdhfsdf but i do enjoy universe!! the winter vibes are great, just not what i need in this moment <3 (i'll def try to return to these later and give them a proper listen-through)

baby don't cry is like... oddly cozy in a way i can't describe? but ugh their voices layer so nicely here. also wait wtf this was 2013... how...

OH IVE HEARD MAMA. lets see how many of these songs i already know. it absolutely hits strong how the fuck is their debut??? some groups rly do just have debut songs that will always slap. also hehe they look like babies on the album cover. their vocals literally are so strong tho what da hell... how old were they at debut...

oh they were all upwards of 17. yeah that'd probably make sense.

know im also looking at songs on color coded and what the HELL kai's voice..... wack.

this answer is gonna be really long as u can tell.

OH ive also heard overdose. same album as love love love apparently :0 wack. overdose also slaps. i feel like im just gonna go through every song like "yeah this slaps" but tbh everything so far has slapped

im listening to tempo and im like wow. more guys <3 also the squeaking is the only cursed part of this song. i read a reddit thread once that mentions there was Someone who kept using the sound in songs??? the cursed SM era. song still slaps tho <3

i have reached lucky one. this one i haven't heard before! :D oh wait i lied. i was abt to be like 'idk where i heard it' BUT I'VE HEARD THE CHINESE VERSION.... probably in the rhythm smtown. im blanking on the name. but i do recognize the chorus lmao i was like hm why does this seem a lil off and its bc i've heard it in chinese lmao

good song tho!! its fun <3

OOO PLAYBOY IS ANOTHER I KNOW and love a lot. i mentioned once that i love the exo version but i always wished there was an official recording by jjong since both have different energies. i could go into it but i think jjong's live version he did once felt more... smooth? while the exo version feels a lot more playful and teasing. both are so good in different ways. it works so well with their voices imo but god i can only think of jonghyun when i hear it. it feels like such a Him song to write. i'll stop talking abt him but know that i do love the way EXO did the song.

hurt i don't think i know? we'll know when we hit the chorus. ok i dont know this. but :0 i have no idea how to talk about music despite taking classes for that lmao but!! the drawn out 'hurt' in 'you hurt me' just... flows so nicely?

can i say i rly do love baekhyun's vocals. like idk i think i usually notice his voice above the others at times. im saying this while listening to promise/exo 2014. also forgive me if its the wrong word but chanyeol has like... a slight rasp to his voice? its SO nice to listen to tbh idk if thats the right word but its like. texture. it scratches a brain itch.

ooo artificial love i also know primarily from the chinese version. it also slaps idk what else to say here sdfkhsdf it Does

they never know is another im unfamiliar with. i am repeating myself when i say i think everything slaps but there's something like... SO soothing abt this one while i can kinda bop to it as well? exo can do it all-

ok im gonna start making comments when i actually have them. if i don't say i dislike something, then assume its gonna be the usual 'this fucking slaps yo???'

OH YOO??? the like... contrast between "무너져 가는 Wall / 니 별은 이미 Fall" like. w wall and fall being much deeper? it is delicious. i am consuming this. its also in the different "down"s at the end of lines. tht contrast though UGH <3333 its so good

im gonna take a sec to mention that i really like the different exo album covers and like. the different way their logo is made. i just think its neat :)

im watching the dance practice for the eve. why are men hot. anon why would u do this to me. NOOO WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO ME!!!!! I UNDERSTAND WHY U SAID I HAVE TO WATCH IT is this allowed. in my good christian minecraft server. i need to stress my 'why are men hot' was said within the first like 10 seconds.

ok i finally did something smart and just queued up everything else so i dont have to manually search.

walk on memories + touch it are both good! i don't have any real comments haha

have i mentioned i rly love how their voices mesh when singing together... bc i do...

jekyll slaps. i feel the need to mention it specifically. also groove is such a like. 180 from how intense jekyll was. 11/10 i love that.

ooo i rly like paradise :0 idk what abt it gets me but it scratches a certain itch and im into it

ok im gonna do the solo ones faster. baekhyun good and i already know this (i've heard some of his solo stuff and also his voice is just... so cozy. let him out of the military rn.

i put these out of order by accident so kai's song is after xiumin's--anyway YOOO I KNOW D.O'S SONG its on my lovey playlist hehe (the english version is i mean). solid song, makes me smiley <3

beautiful goodbye: makes me want to cry. good song <3

starry night: ooo... cozy. kinda sad. very pretty tho.

brand new: absolutely not what i expected ngl but im already into it. his voice reminds me of someone and i don't know who?? im boppin tho

nothing on me: kai is also someone who's solo work i've heard before--in terms of like... the big ones (mmm + peaches) and vanilla. his voice is so nice. idk how else to describe it, im running low on brain juice and im gonna make food after i finish out the last few songs

hey mama!: ooo this is fun <3 truthfully at this point i think if u tell me baekhyun is in anything, i'd probably listen.

what a life: ngl i wasn't sure if i'd be into it but the chorus slaps and i def enjoy it more after hearing the first chorus. random comment but i have to wonder if vernon has listened to this before. something about the way it flows, esp at the chorus, make me think of him and the way he makes music

lit: oh. oh. this gave me chills (in a v good way)

i'd give final thoughts but i think the general "exo fucking slaps" is all i can manage rn

ty for the long ask (even tho im getting to it a lil late) i hope u are having a good day <3

#wooahaes.ask #asks.anon

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miku-life-tips · 2 years

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yk what, fuck it, all of them, 1-50

Do you have freckles? Yes, several, I've had only two for as long as I can remember, the rest have slowly come in over time

Do you drink tea or coffee? How do you take it? Hate both, coffee smells disgusting, sweet tea turned me off tea

What was the last song you listened to? Currently listen to Creek, Thunder by The Reverent Marigold

Do you sleep on your back, stomach or side? Yes, no, yes. I get ill if I sleep on my stomach, it's odd

Do you sleep with a stuffed animal? Several currently, but the main one is from 10 years ago! Almost 11 now! She is a pink poodle named Bubbles

Do you prefer drawing or writing? Writing, I'm not the best at drawing, but I have years of writing experiences so I think I'm pretty decent :D

What’s your ideal number of blankets to sleep with? Depends, either 2 or 3, 2 if it's hot, 3 if it's not. (Younger me would say just the comforter)

What’s your favorite band/artist? Whatever Spotify shows me rn!

When is your birthday? You will know when it is because I will 100% post like Its my Birthday :D But October 19th lol

How tall are you? 5'1, am short

What color are your eyes? Blue, at least that's what my ID says :D

Who are five (or more) people you want to hug right now? No one! Already hugged my mom today :D

Fears? Several! Spiders, deep water, irl social interaction, needles for example

What’s your favorite color? Purple, blue, black, red, any really tbh

What’s your favorite season? Ah. I don't know. Spring or Winter

Want any tattoos? What of? I'm good without! lol

Want any piercings? Where? Not really already got the standard ears ones (though. one is closed now. The other got reopened by a bee)

Who is the last person you texted? My friend!

Do you have a best friend? How long have you been friends? I have 2! One since Elementary School (3rd grade to be exact), the other since Middle School (7th I think)

What/who do you miss? I've been missing a lot of things recently. I don't really know exactly what yet though

How was your day today? It was Ok, work is work lol

How much sleep did you get last night? None! I work night shift lol

Answered Already!

When was the last time you cried? Why? When the video about Technoblade came out.

What’s your favorite decade? I like the 2000s, like 2010 and stuff

What are some seemingly childish things you like? Stuffed animals, dressing up, toys

What’s your favorite book? Or just one you’ve read a few times? The Treasure Box by Penelope J. Stokes!

How are you, really? Tired...

Does it take you a long time to make decisions? Sometimes! It depends :D

Answered Already!

What are you looking forward to in the distant future? I'd rather not think about it!

If you could go anywhere right now, where would you go? Anywhere? I'm not sure tbh

Do you sleep with your door open or closed? Have to lol, the animals

What’s your favorite flower? I love Lilies of the Valley!

Do you currently have a squish? I don't know what that means!

Do you like your middle name? Yeah :D

Do you prefer dogs or cats? I like cats a bit more

Do you have any phobias? Aren't fears and phobias the same?

Do you stay up late? I work night shift!

Do you like the beach? Do you prefer it sunny or cloudy? Ugh no, hate sand

What’s your favorite cartoon? I like Gravity Falls, Hilda, and Centaur World :D

Tag 5 of your favorite blogs I don't want to bother anyone >.<

Do you have siblings? How many? Yes, 2. I am the youngest

Who was the last person you said “I love you” to? Probably my mom! I say it a lot

Is there anyone you would die for? Ah, probably not >.< Dont like the idea of dying tbh

What do you need when you’re sad? A hug, reassurance

Have you memorized your phone number? Nope!

Who’s someone you can trust with your life? My friend! She knows who she is!

What does your last text say? I love him (It was about Genshin Character Thoma)

Wild Card. Any question, ask away. I already answered 49, what more is there lol

#long post

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perryhedge · 1 year

Text

japanese update dec 2022

I tend to just vomit up walls of text on Discord about this stuff, especially since it doesn't really go anywhere usually and I just need to talk it out and set some things in order, but every once in a while I remember I have this Tumblr. i mostly use it for talking about anime and manga I guess, but there's no reason why it has to be that.

So, after two months of basically taking it easy in a sense and not tracking any of my study, I'm now getting kind of sick of that. I like having goals, seeing my progress in hours, and generally watching Number Go Up. It was nice to take a break, especially since I've been essentially tracking religiously since May 2020 or so, but I think that break is over and I'm ready to take things seriously again.

I know from my experience with French that maintenance of a language (at least for input skills, not output) becomes much easier the higher your level. I can still watch a French Youtube video (even sometimes at 1.25x speed every once in a while like I do in English -- I have recently been told I am a psychopath for doing this, but I know people do it for audiobooks and such), or read a book, even though I stopped immersing every day starting in March. I do want to get back into it again, with a book club reading L'elegance du herisson. Anyway, so basically my goal with Japanese is to kind of go at it seriously for a shorter period of time before tapering off, rather than being more casually immersed in it over a longer period of time. It just helps with my motivation. I tend to binge things and respond well to goal-oriented stuff.

So, because I'm a maniac, I basically went in to my old spreadsheet (stopped at Sep 30) and cross-checked with Learn Natively and Anilist to fill in an approximation of how much anime and manga I read. No idea about Youtube, but it's a good enough estimate. Apparently I've crossed 2 million characters, and 800 hours total (including study and immersion).

So where to go from here. Well I already decided this month I would focus on reducing my backlog, since I started like 10 different shows, and some of them are quite long. I also decided I would finish Pandora Hearts, which is a long-ish manga. I read the first volume last night, I liked it well enough but I don't know if I'm totally sold just yet, or at least not sold enough to binge it like I've done with some manga. I read half of Chainsaw Man in one day. I might push my way through it still, though.

So yeah, next year I want to be a little bit more intentional about working hard to improve my Japanese ability. I think just a bit of extra effort will be worth it for me. I don't think what I currently do is unsustainable -- I put in about a half an hour into study (kanji and vocab SRS), then just watch and read what I want to, and I'm still improving since I have so much more to learn. But I learned this with French, too. I was improving way more when I was actively challenging myself, and spending at least some time doing things that took a little bit of effort. Not so much that I wasn't having fun at all, but just that extra bit of effort was really good.

So in terms of my listening ability. I think I'll just stick with anime, honestly, for the time being. I do need stronger listening ability eventually, and for that I plan to go into movies or other scripted live-action content. But at the moment I still don't even really understand easier unscripted content like streams 100%, let alone most anime, because of my vocab limits. It's good to train general listening ability at the same time as vocab, but I think it might honestly burn me out unnecessarily to have to deal with films right now. I am not interested in dramas, they seem mostly to be in genres I don't find interesting, and it wouldn't be something I would normally watch. So for the moment, listening will not be my focus any more than it already is. I'm not setting any strict goals, but maybe I'll set an easy weekly minimum just to ensure I'm getting some listening practice as I put in the hours to improve my vocab and grammar through reading.

The lack of middle-level content that I find compelling is kind of an issue I have with my reading as well. Obviously, difficult ranges widely in a medium or even a genre. But generally, I'd expect manga to be pretty much the easiest thing you can read, followed by light novels and then finally novels. Within novels you can probably make a similar distinction to what we have in the anglosphere, between genre fiction and literary fiction. Not a perfect distinction, but again, talking in generalities. So if I wasn't such a stubborn person I'd try to work my way up from manga (which is 100% of what I read now, and I'm getting kind of okay at it at least with furigana) to light novels, the next easiest thing. But here's the thing. I really, really, do not like light novels. I find them boring and irritating. And I really do want to emphasize that I am being stubborn here. I'm sure I could find stuff that is at least enjoyable. But, I just want to jump directly to literature. I don't even think I particularly would care for genre fiction written for adults (if such a distinction exists and if that is even much of a genre different from light novels, which seem more like what we'd call YA).

So here's my dilemma. I said I would put more effort into doing things that aren't necessarily what I love to do, in the name of improving. But I don't think I can overcome the intermediate plateau by suitably "leveling up" to intermediate level difficulty content (as opposed to the easier stuff I immerse with now, kids' anime and shoujo/shounen manga) since I just don't find it interesting. I'm not even in the intermediate plateau yet but of course since I'm incredibly neurotic I'm already worrying about this.

So here's my solution. Next year, or whenever I finish Pandora hearts, I'm going to set a very minimal goal of pushing myself 30 minutes a day with actually challenging content. I might work up through difficulty levels on Natively, and just force myself through a couple of light novels if I feel in the mood to do so. Or, I might just dive into literature and push through it. I've looked into literary prizes which might be a good start for contemporary literature, which I'd imagine is easier than classical stuff or even older stuff for kids (I tried reading Night on the Galactic Railroad once, by the way -- way too hard at the time). I also follow a French Youtuber who reads a lot of Asian literature and might be a good place to look for recommendations. A few days ago I looked at the Japanese Wikipedia pages and skimmed some synopses, and I found some that actually sounded interesting and like something I would actually read, moreso than pretty much any light novel I've found. And I could actually understand these synopses, sometimes. So I think that's where I'll go next.

So in conclusion, I won't be changing anything drastically this year most likely. I'm still kind of focusing on life stuff, too. But starting the end of this year or perhaps 2023, I'll try to seriously improve my reading ability, and as a result I imagine I'll be bumping up my SRS to something like 10 vocab cards a day.

800 hours is nothing to sneeze at. I feel like I've made a lot of progress. But it's still the beginning. I want to seriously get to a level where pretty much any normal anime/manga (which is most of what I expect to be using Japanese for) is comprehensible at like a 99% vocab coverage level. That'll take some effort, but it's doable. It just requires me to either keep at this the way I am for years (like...3+ years maybe, just a wild estimate), or really put in the work to always be immersing with harder and harder material and look things up more often like I did with French (in which case I might be at least at a N1 level at the two year mark). I feel ready to commit to the latter, at least where I'm at now.

Really, I truly believe that after a certain point (which I'm past) language learning is all about how many hours of immersion you get. At least, for me. I can do some skill building here and there, maybe brush up on grammar but there's a limit to how effective that can be. Every time I look into that stuff I'm disappointed at how shallow the pool of language in learner resources is compared to what I care about, which is the pool of language that people use to communicate -- and that includes slang, in-jokes, memes, cultural background, history, and tons of other stuff that comes up naturally in natural communication but rarely in artificial communication. So, in terms of hours, where do I want to be in a month? In a year? Well, I'm not going to count the SRS time because that's not a goal -- it's not like I'm willing to put in any more or less than 30 minutes a day, so it makes no sense to make goals around it. Right now, I have ~575 hours of immersion (just an estimate). I can probably get that to around 650 by the end of the year. So I think around 1500 hours (about 140 minutes a day) or even 1750 hours (3 hours a day) are not too unreasonable goals for 2023. And maybe if I'm still feeling up to it, I'll continue to commit seriously in 2024. But at this point, there's no point in theorycrafting so far ahead.

#japanese

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spidxysense · 3 years

Text

Back to You | 14

Summary: He broke your heart, but you’d always love him. Two souls that not even the universe could tear apart, even if you wanted it to at times.

Pairing: Tom Holland x Reader x Timothee Chalamet

A/N: Yay I updated! I hope you guys like this one, I was stuck for a bit there but once I sat down and got to typing, I really finished it in one sitting. I was just planning on updating it bit by bit lol. Let me know what you guys think, Love you!!!!!!

Word count: 2,591

Prologue | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14

In a few short months of your movie premier with Timothee, you were finally able to release your double-release album, and the response was massive, to say the least. You'd been getting calls from different show hosts' upcoming awarding ceremonies. Still, you couldn't for life in you accept, all except for the Oscars, which your manager told you was a must since you'd be attending in the first place anyway and that performing at the Oscars was a big deal given that you also starred in films and shows.

You turned in bed, facing Timothee's sleeping face. He had been in town for a week now, back on a break from filming in Hungary. Then he'd be back to film in England in a couple of weeks. After your talk on your premiere night, it was to an agreement that whatever you had going on was just two people exploring and experiencing things with someone they had strong feelings for. There wasn't a need for a media circus to cover anything about you two except your movie.

You move his arm, placed it over your waist, and sit up slowly in bed, making sure not to stir Timothee. The jetlag must be shit. You stretched your arms in front of you, glancing at the clock that read 2:07 AM. You get up, grabbing Timothee's white shirt from the floor, and, putting it on, walking over to the bathroom. You looked at yourself in the mirror, touching some of the reddening parts of your neck courtesy of Timothee, and then you notice the toothbrushes… there were two. From this single thing alone, it had you catching everything about the bathroom, how there were two towels, one black, and one violet, which just so happened to be your favorite color.

You walked over to the nightstand beside the bed, putting on your skinny jeans, turning on the lamp, and noticing his wallet. Inside was a picture of you. Opening the closet doors, the ones hung up were various suits, jackets, and even dresses you've worn to events. Why didn't he just send these back? Why would he let you keep your stuff in his house?

You drag your feet downstairs, noticing small details you'd been blind to before, like the large dog bed positioned by the door despite Timothee telling you he could only ever get himself to take care of a tiny dog. You noticed the colored mugs and bowls, a deep dull navy blue color, the same as the ones in your house. Suddenly, everything feels as if it's moving too fast. You both agreed there was no relationship, and there was attraction, but why does his home feel like it's become yours as well?

You sit down, taking a few deep breaths before deciding to stand up and grab your cardigan from the coathanger, opening the front door and closing it behind you as you waited for a taxi to bring you to the more active part of the city at night.

You just couldn't deal with a relationship right now. You couldn't let your heart get broken again, so you have to find ways to distract yourself.

The car stops in front of you, driving off into the night and dropping you off by a club that Troye agreed to meet you at.

You and Timothee had an attraction, but you both agreed there was no label; ergo, there was no intimate relationship even though you both have done everything together. No boyfriend means you were free to do whatever you wanted without worrying about him. But if you were honest with yourself, this was more of you suggesting something you already knew Timothee wasn't too keen on agreeing with but would just because he thought that having something with you was better than absolutely nothing. You saw Troye waiting out by the back entrance for you when he spotted you and called you over. Almost like clockwork, every time you snuck out away from Timothee, everything in you screamed to turn back, to clear your head, and for the first time, you listened.

You motioned for Troye to go ahead and sent him a text that you'd probably just head home because you weren't feeling well. He gave you a knowing look before looking like he finally approved of your actions and sent you a quick and short 'Good." text, and headed inside.

You walked around for a while after that. Soon it was already just about 5 in the morning, and even though you wouldn't let yourself come to any conclusion as to what you even wanted out of this almost relationship with Timothee, you still found yourself back at his front door.

You took out the keys in your pocket, slowly opening the door only to find Timothee sat on the couch, his knees up to his chest as he stared off into space, either deep in thought or trying to keep himself awake… maybe even both.

When he saw you enter, a soft smile formed on his face, and for some reason, that made you smile too.

"Hey, you." He spoke softly.

You sat down quietly next to him, instantly he set his feet on the ground and reached over to embrace you in a hug, the familiar scent of Timothee that never left you that evening even more evident… It felt and smelled familiar, and right now, while your mind was a mess, familiarity was what you needed.

Timothee lifted his head, worried, "Hey, are you alright?"

You sighed, "I don't want to hurt you."

He murmured quietly into your neck as he peppered kisses, "You could never."

You pulled away, feeling guilt in your bones, "Aren't you even a little bit frustrated that we've been like this for months? That even in private, we can't even say that we're in a relationship?"

You gave you a reassuring look, "We both wanted this Y/N."

You sat up, "Except we didn't… You didn't." You corrected yourself, "You're bringing your mother to the fucking Oscars next month because I told you we couldn't be seen together at carpets for Pete's sake."

You stood up, starting to pace back and forth, "We have to coordinate outfits for the sake of not matching, and we never go out because I can't be seen with you in fear that we're going to get found out. I'm a terrible fucking person, and I don't understand how you're so okay with this."

Timothee was grinning, sleep still in his eyes, "I'm okay with it because I love you, Y/N."

You froze in your spot, "You what?"

He nodded and got up, walking over to you. The blue light of the early morning peaking through the curtain made this moment feel and look ethereal, "I said I love you, Y/N. I've known that I loved you from the moment I met you." He kissed the top of your head as he embraced you.

You shook your head, "No, no, no, you don't. I'll even list more shit I've done to you just so you understand how and why you don't love me."

Timothee chuckled, "And yet despite all this... all that's registering in my head is the fact that you've been thinking of me and only me this whole time. You've been worried about how you're hurting me because you don't want to."

And that's when you realized that Timothee was right. This whole time you've been thinking of Timothee and how much you wanted to protect him from you, but he never wanted to be protected from you because he knew that you could never hurt him. You rested your forehead against his.

"I-I need to go. I need to think."

He smiled sadly, "I'll be here when you're ready. I'll always be here Y/N until you don't want me to be here anymore."

-----------------------------------------------------------

You sat in your house, since leaving Timothee's earlier, you had been sat there lost in thought as you argued with yourself. It was true, the last thing you wanted was to hurt Timothee, but you were confused because it's like you couldn't understand your feelings. After all, a particular person still held a large part of it in his hands.

Timothee was there for you. Late night at the recording studio, whether through being there physically or even calling you or skyping you, he was always there. He was there with you when you bought all your albums from Target, and he was also the one who insisted you find another target that hasn't sold out your CDs so he could buy all of them too. Timothee was there with you when you had interviews that you almost felt like you could puke from nervousness backstage as he watched you talk about another celebrity you were getting linked to, and he was there with you to giggle about how stupid talk shows were. Timothee was always there. Whether it was dancing, kissing, or even fighting in the rain, he was always with you. He always wanted you around. Even when you rode the subway to get to a press conference of his or a promo for his upcoming movie, he always wanted you with him. He'd run with you in the rain, and he'd kiss away the sadness when you didn't want to speak with him. He was there with you when you get the sudden urge to buy all the popsicles from the nearest whole foods, and he was there with you when you got sick with the flu, which he also got from you. You'd spend afternoons walking around a far-off hill as you two put flowers in your hair despite knowing that you two probably had your busy schedules. Nothing mattered when you were with Timothee. Nothing mattered except each other. A part of you felt hurt that these memories you had kept of you and Tom were slowly being replaced by everything Timothee, but a large part of you also knew that the person you have now had no doubt that you couldn't ignore your feelings. You couldn't have to take Timothee out of your life.

Making up your mind, you got up, got dressed, and left for where you were sure you would find Tom.

He was in the middle of filming a new movie, but the second he saw you, he immediately asked to stop filming, a familiar, loving face plastered on as he walked over to you before being stopped by the director. They looked to be having a bit of a disagreement before he pointed you out, and the director looked at you in realization, patting him on the back and allowing him to jog over to you.

"Hey." You paused, your hand grasping your arm, and Tom took notice right away.

His eyebrows furrowed, "Hey, what's wrong?" He pulls you to sit by the curb as you two sat side by side, "You only do that when you're having a hard time saying something."

You gave him a look, "Well… I came here to ask you if it was alright if I try things out with Timothee."

He looked taken aback, "Oh, well, honestly, I thought you came by to sort things out between us…." He took notice of the way you looked down in guilt, "I don't think you could do anything with another guy that wouldn't upset me… but I don't really get that prerogative anymore, Y/N." He sighed, wrapping an arm around you to comfort you, "The fact is, you're trying to grow into who you've always wanted to be, and I'm trying to do that too for the sake of us and what we could be. If that means that you need or want to date someone again, I'll fully support you, but the most important thing is, does he make you happy?"

You sighed, looking out onto the filming lot, and nodded slowly, not noticing the slight upset look on Tom's face, "I catch myself sometimes smiling to myself when I think of him… But it's like I can't do anything because I don't want to let go of what we had."

Tom took a gulp, deciding that what was important right now was you, more than what he wanted, "What we had and what we were isn't important anymore Y/N. I'm working towards what we could become. What we had was co-dependency and a constant need to be in each other's presence to prove that what we had was perfect. I want us to find each other again in the future and know that no matter how far apart we are, if hopefully, we get together again, there is nobody in this world we'll love more… and that's what I'm encouraging you to do. I want to grow with you and grow for each other, and if that means you dating other people to understand yourself more, then I support you."

You looked at Tom for a second before hugging him and pecking him on the cheek, "I really needed that, Tom. Thank you."

He hugged you tighter, "Anytime. I'll always be here for you, Y/N."

----------------------------------------------------------------------

You gripped your seat in the car in pure nerves. You were on your way to the Oscars with your assistant constantly telling you about your performance and what not to mess up and things to remember, especially about reporters who wanted an interview with you. To say you were all nerves today was an understatement. You hadn't spoken to Timothee ever since you told him you needed time to think, so today would be the first time you would ever come face to face with him. You thought long and hard about everything between the two of you. Still, you think you're finally ready to actually put some time and effort into this… and if that meant doing things that would significantly make Timothee happy, then you'd do it.

Your assistant watched a live feed from the Oscars as she gave you updates on how Armie was on the carpet. Saoirse was on the carpet, talking about how she hoped to make a movie with you and various other stars. You were a few minutes away from the carpet when she spoke up again.

"Timothee has just arrived." then she looked at her phone and back at you, doing a double-take as you gave her a sheepish smile, all she could do was smile approvingly at you before going back to giving you live updates.

A few minutes later, and your heart didn't feel like it was going to slow down anytime soon as your assistant gave you a pep talk, "Y/N. You are gonna rock that carpet, you'll turn heads, and most importantly, you're gonna be the talk of the night. There is nothing that could go wrong tonight. Just take deep breaths and don't trip."

Luckily you were still coherent enough to understand what she said as you took deep breaths to calm your nerves.

"Alright, three… two… one." The door flew open as one of the large men in suits grabbed your hand and helped you out. Your dress was not providing you much flexibility to move, and for almost 15 seconds, it felt like everything was moving in slow motion as everyone was quiet. You found Timothee busy with an interview as the crowd looked from you to him, the topic on everyone's minds for the past few months. As if this were the only proof they needed, they held their cameras in their hands as they snapped pictures of you and a commotion started as they started asking for Timothee.

You think you gave them a quick, charming grin as you told them he was in an interview before walking towards the interviewer and Timothee. She was the first to notice while Timothee talked about how his mom stood him up as his Oscars date, something you arranged a week earlier and something Timothee's mom was more than happy to comply to.

The interviewer looks ecstatic as the only one and the first one on this carpet to get whatever the scoop was here, as she wasted no time when you slowly approached them, "Timothee! You said you were stood up, but you never told us that your backup would be late!"

Timothee shot her a confused look before he felt your arm slowly snake around his arm, "Sorry I'm late." You quickly whispered to him.

His face looked shocked. Almost as if a reflex, he almost pulled away from you before getting a good look at what you were wearing. His jaw looked like it would drop to the floor as he looked utterly awestruck.

The interviewer giggled nervously, already knowing her interview time was slowly coming to an end without any payoff to the two of you, "Timothee, you look to be speechless at Y/N's dress tonight." She looked at you hopefully, "Could everyone here assume this is date night?"

You smiled shyly at the lady before giving her a tiny curt nod, "I know it's a bit cliche to match outfits, but when I saw that Timothee was going to wear a harness, I just couldn't let him take all the attention for tonight, so I apologize, but I've kept this secret from him too just to make sure he doesn't do anything to take the spotlight, that's why he looks like he's just had a heart attack." you giggled.

He gave a quick, playful tilted look to you before blinking multiple times, "In my defense, I didn't even know that this was a harness... They told me this was a bib."

"Bib or not, you two look like the sexiest couple on the carpet, and I just so happen to be the luckiest interviewer tonight." The interviewer looked ecstatic as can be as she jumps up, more energetic to interview the two of you, "And well, Y/N, one look at you, and it's hard to believe anyone would still have the ability to speak. You look gorgeous." She winked at the camera, "But I can't help but notice you just confirmed this is date night… Is it safe to assume what everyone has been wondering for the past few months? That you two are dating?"

Somehow, Timothee finally snaps out of it and looks at you, a questioning look before you leaned over and spoke into the mic, "Yeah. We're together. We have been for a while now." You smiled sheepishly as you saw Timothee's face glow as he wrapped his arm around your waist, "I apologize for keeping quiet for so long, but we think it's the right time to go public now that we've decided to take things to a more serious level."

The interviewer waves a hand in the air, "As long as you two let us in on the secret, there's no problem there." She faced the camera, "You heard it here first, folks. Hollywood's newest and hottest up and coming power couple. From both Y/N and Timothee themselves, now going public with their relationship."

As you two walked away from the interviewer for more pictures, Timothee embraced you, uncaring of the cameras flashing in your faces, "Are you serious?"

You nodded slowly, "I'm ready to be with you completely, Timothee. I'm sorry I took so long."

He shook his head like a puppy, "As long as you're here with me now, Y/N, I don't care."

He pulled away at the sound of your name and his in the same sentence as the photographers asked for your attention. He quickly kisses you on the cheek as you shut your eyes and grinned, cameras going off and commotion started up at you two, the young hot couple everyone had wanted more details on.

Timothee clutched your waist tightly, almost like he was afraid that if he let go, this would all go back to how everything was before.

Before entering the venue, he pulled you to the side, "Are you sure about this? I don't want you to force yourself."

You shook your head, guiding his head to yours, "I think I'm in love with you too, Timothee. I'm all in with you." And then you kissed him.

#Timothee Chalamet #timmy #selena gomez #tom holland #tom holland fanfic #tom x reader #timothee chalamet fanfic #timothee x reader #bty #back to you #i finally updated #im so sorry i took so long #thank you for being so patient and always supporting my page #spidxysense

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