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#i'm too bitter about this topic specifically to care about the comfort of people who don't get it and don't WANT TO...
uncanny-tranny · 6 months
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It's weird how people paint "daddy issues" and even "mommy issues" as, like, a joke or a failure on part of the person who has those issues, rather than recognizing that daddy and mommy issues stem, for so many people, from abuse. What this all is is just abuse apologia, and nobody seems to either notice or maybe even care.
When somebody with daddy or mommy issues opens up about the "why," I can't ever seem to shake the fact that they tend to have gone through a ton of abuse and bullshit as a child. It's just crazy that other people would look at that and see a joke or a failure of the once-child who was abused.
#abuse#abuse tw#abuse mention tw#child abuse#child abuse tw#mental health#it really goes to show (to me) that people either can't or don't WANT to acknowledge that parents can be the ones to have fucked up#if all the blame is placed on their child/ren then you can maintain the illusion that the parent is always right...#...that parents know what is best and they will always do what is best for their child/ren#it's just weird to be somebody with parental issues and all that gets steamrolled into 'mommy issues' that then become a Big Joke...#...especially because i'm a man (and because people are misogynists who think it's just so funny that women are people)...#...i find that my own issues are expected to be treated as a joke or a punchline or something i must whisper in the dark...#...so that others may have the luxury of pretending to not hear it or to have the luxury of forgetting in the morning...#...and it just sucks because that leaves me to remember and grieve and doing that with the knowledge that my abuse Is A Joke at My Expense#if you wonder why so many abuse victims/survivors become unsavoury: this is why#i'm too bitter about this topic specifically to care about the comfort of people who don't get it and don't WANT TO...#...because it is THEY who are uncomfortable with the very NOTION that abuse happens#if you can't acknowledge that abuse happens WITHOUT downplaying to for your sense of comfort you will NEVER help abuse victims/survivors#you will find that you start prioritizing YOUR sense of comfort over the safety and continued survival of victims/survivors
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juniperhillpatient · 18 days
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I know I'm terminally coffin-brained lately but hear me out it really bothers me that the perception of the Coffin of Andy & Leyley is ONLY "hehe incest cannibalism game" which is....not EXACTLY inaccurate but it certainly simplifies it ya know??? like I call it the incest cannibalism game too as a joke but I'm realizing there are a lot of people who think of it as like...a porn game? & btw I'm not AGAINST porny games or whatever I just think it's reductive & inaccurate to call Andy & Leyley that when in reality there is not even (so far) any textual sexual content beyond a demonic vision of a possible future. yes very obviously their relationship does have a sexual & romantic undertone, but it's compelling specifically because it's a complex story about siblings who have been genuinely fucked over by their parents & the world & they have developed a topically obsessive codependent relationship as a result.
like the initial conversation that the game's title is based on is Andrew casually half-jokingly talking about killing himself & it's just so..... narratively delicious. Ashley is not some horny one-dimensional slut who just wants to fuck her brother? Her reaction to Andrew talking about suicide is to joke that she'll race him to the balcony & he says back - semi sarcastically but we KNOW there's truth in his words, that he's clearly thought about this - that it would be too romantic, that they would be smashed together on the pavement, buried in the same coffin & like...the game proceeds from there with these two living in this intertwined fate, tangled together in ways neither of them can ever escape. it's romantic but it's also tragic & awful.
Andrew's love for Ashley will always be bitter & tinted with resentment because he was thrust with the responsibility of raising his little sister when he was only a child himself. he was made responsible for caring for Ashley with absolutely NO example of what caring for someone looked like & he was barely old enough to care for himself. Ashley never had anyone care for her in her entire life except Andrew & so she absolutely adores him to a dangerous & unhealthy degree.
like I hate it when people think Ashley is oh so abusive & manipulative or Andrew is so awful & selfish (she is manipulative & he is occasionally selfish) but like - as if there are not layers upon layers of WHY she treats Andrew the way she does & WHY he's so resentful. (as a side note I think debating who abuses who (aside from obviously the fact that they were both abused in different ways by their mother) or who's "worse" just...misses the whole ass point.)
and the cannibalism is initially about survival & the stakes are very apparent & built super well given the opening of the game spends a lot of time just demonstrating that they are literally starving to death to the point where Ashley is fainting & they're sharing a can of tomatoes out of the garbage joking that it's the best meal they've ever had. it is highly worth noting the way their actions escalate & get worse & worse with time as the game proceeds & you can see the way they're both getting more & more comfortable with violence & taboo. this game just would not compel me if it were just randomly "lol let's eat people!" get real
idk I just feel like people who don't know the game get the wrong idea about it when it's actually SO narratively rich okay bye
(this is not an anti Gravecest post either just to be clear, I fucking love the ship I just feel like it gets oversimplified often & also that Ashley especially is highly mischaracterized a lot, even in the game's marketing sometimes. at the core of the game are two deeply broken people who were fucked over bad & who are tied together in a way that neither of them can ever escape. it's love as horror & I loooove that about it)
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toraashi · 3 years
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[ red string of fate ]
akaashi keiji x gn!reader
[ warnings/genre ]
fluff, brief mentions of alcohol, language
[ word count ]
1,665 words
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Akaashi found himself zoning out far too much lately. During work, during time with friends, over dinner, and now on his second date this week. Stirring his food around with his chopsticks, he spun his noodles, lifting them to his mouth, and making eye contact with his date across the table as he did so. Through the haze of his thick lashes, he watched as they prattled on about some mindless work topic, their free hand waving aimlessly while the other wrapped around a glass of wine. 
He desperately tried not to, but once again, his mind trailed off, sapphire hues flicking to the dainty red knot tied around his pointer finger, following the thread as it trailed in front of him before vanishing in the distance. Akaashi, like many others, had all but given up on this fantasy. Finding your soulmate. The one for you. It was an exciting concept as a teenager, knowing that there was one person in the world that the universe assigned as yours, someone unique and entirely catered to you and your soul. Alas, as time drew on, reality set in. True, the concept was exciting, but there were several billion existing on this Earth, and many times people's strings would lead them to a cemetery. People often never found their soulmates regardless, and Akaashi had heard of people avoiding them. It was a confusing system, all but a naive dream, and most learned to maneuver through life disregarding it. After years of high school revelation and the words of others insisting he just ignore it, he'd finally began branching out, hoping to find peace with another.
Wasn't it disheartening to commit to someone knowing that there'd always be someone better out there, though? He bit his inner cheek in thought, pushing his glasses up his face as the person seated before him sighed.
“Akaashi-san, are you even listening?” Chin raising, he glanced at them, lips curling into an apologetic smile. They cupped their cheek with their hand, eyes reprimanding and bitter. "Your head's always in the clouds, Akaashi-san. It's infuriating." He fought the urge to roll his eyes. Level-headedness was a trait he took pride in; clearly, this person wasn't observing him like he was them. 
"I was listening. It's been a long day at work. I'm sorry I seem distracted." Repressing the distaste in his tone, he searched their eyes for relent, waiting for them to continue their rant. The person across the table groaned loudly, sliding a hand through their hair before moseying it across the table, knuckles brushing up against his. Akaashi's entire body grew stiff at the contact, discomfort swelling his being as they followed the path up his arm to his face, eyes tender and reluctant.
"Akaashi-san, I really like you," Was this supposed to feel so wrong? He'd been on a few dates with this person, and maybe they'd been more invested than he noticed, but every dinner felt empty and meaningless to him. Gemstone eyes fluttering closed, he let an exhalation drop from his pursed lips, fingers withdrawing. 
"I don't feel the same. Perhaps we shouldn't reschedule this date." Akaashi cushioned his words with deliberate sympathy, features softening while their's hardened. Guilt stung like a dagger in the back, and in an instant, he was attempting damage control. "I'm sorry-" 
"Shut the fuck up. You've been leading me on this whole time." Flinching at their biting words, he averted his gaze to his food, eyebrows furrowing with annoyance. 
"We're just not compatible." A huff sounded above him paired with a jingle of keys. He made no argument as they slid from the ornate chair, fingers digging into their waist as they examined him with hostility.
"I hope you find what you're looking for, but don't bother contacting me again." Grimacing, the boy didn't look as his former date stormed from the restaurant, leaving him with both the bill and an empty seat. Dating was much too complicated, he decided. Was it really worth the heartache for something he wasn't particularly invested in? Running a straggled hand through the inky waves on his scalp, he reached for his phone and unlocked it. 
11:30pm. 
He worked early the following day. Perhaps his date walking out on him was for the best. 
The scarlet thread tied neatly around his finger seemed to glow beneath the flaxen lights of the Italian rooftop restaurant, and he sighed for the millionth time that night, flagging the waiter down for the check.
Soulmates. 
Maybe Akaashi was indeed just a romantic at heart, a raging eclectic who refused to settle for anything below the best. He'd always viewed himself as level-headed, but after countless dates initiated by bored co-workers, he never felt the pull he longed for in a partner. 
A pull. 
Akaashi raised his hand peculiarly, noticing as the thread grew taut, tugging in a specific direction. A skipped heartbeat and his eyes followed the string over the ledge of the second floor, through the myriad of cars parked impatiently at the stoplight and to a figure across the way. They held their hand up suspiciously, staring at a glittering amber knot. 
Akaashi rose abruptly, nearly knocking his table over before quickly rifling through the cash in his wallet, splaying a debatable amount on the white tablecloth before grabbing his coat and pacing briskly through the restaurant. The stairs felt eons-long, his feet slapping against the metal, glasses fogging with the intensity of his breaths, but he could hardly care. Every moment in his life led up to this one. Pushing through the line of people, he exited the building, the cool night air biting his cheeks and painting them a rosy red. The tug of his hand directed him, almost as desperate as he to meet this mystery person. From this distance, he could tell they were bundled in a thick shadow-colored jacket in an attempt to fight the cold and the color of their shoe as they stepped into a taxi- 
"Wait!" He shouted over the traffic, jogging in between cars, spouting apologies left and right between incessant honks, the drivers swerving to avoid his form. "Wait! Sorry, one second." His fumbling through lanes of cars seemed to catch the person's attention, and they instantly perked up, features flooded with panic and concern. They leaned to the cab driver as his foot met the pavement once more, holding a lone finger, a plea on their lips. Goosebumps littered his skin as he turned to them, shivering in his navy turtleneck. Now that he was here, he was unsure of what to say. He'd been so eager to stop them, he hadn't thought of the consequences of his impulsive choice. What if they didn't want to meet him? What if they were dating already? A flurry of questions and insecurities pelted his mind in milliseconds; he barely caught the playful quirk of their lips tainted by a breath of exhaustion. 
"Can I help you? My cab can't wait all night." Refocusing, he peered into the dripping hues of their eyes, watching as the color glimmered beneath nearby shop lights. Their hair was dusted with snowflakes that he longed to brush away. He felt a pull towards them, something he'd been missing in dates for his entire life. "Hello? Stranger?"
"Sorry," He chuckled, embarrassment leaking from his words. "I saw you from the restaurant roof across the street, and I think you're my soulmate." God, that was so embarrassing to say, and he wrapped his arms around himself in consequence, hiding from both the cold and their reaction. They stared at him with the widest eyes he'd ever encountered, cheeks tickling with a blush before they held up their hand, palm facing towards his shivering form. 
"Can you see my string?" His heart nearly thumped from his chest as he revealed his own, nodding slowly and bringing it towards theirs. An inch filled with longing and tension separated the pair's fingertips, and his breath hitched when they pressed their palm to his, smiling tenderly. "Is this okay? I can't explain it, but I feel a pull to you already? Is that weird?" A laugh rumbled in his throat, and he was shaking his head vigorously.
"No. I feel the same." Relief billowed from their lungs, and their fingers collapsed in the spaces of his. 
"Aren't you cold?" They whispered, peeking up at him through thick lashes, a reserved timidness radiating from their form. He hummed, lifting their hands once more, pressing a feather-light, almost polite kiss to the back. 
"I'm not." And he wasn't. In their presence, he felt warm despite it all. A few shy glances later and the cab driver interrupted the moment.
"Oi! Am I taking you or not?" Disappointment fluttered through their features at the abrasive words of the chauffeur, and they removed their hand from his. Lips parting to break the news, he moved first, spluttering words without consent from his brain. 
"I can take you home. If you're comfortable, of course." Sunshine shot through them like lightning at his suggestion, and they pulled on the sleeves of their jacket, grinning giddily. 
"Are you sure? You barely know me." He'd never been more sure of anything in his life, but he went light on the dramatics, eager to please and impress.
"Like I said, if you're comfortable." Casting him a sparkling smile, they nodded eagerly, turning to the driver and sending him away. 
"All right, Stranger, lead the way." They chortled, skipping to his side. Akaashi returned the enthusiasm, offering his hand. Taking it with pleasure, his soulmate hummed, allowing him to lead the way. Guiding them through throngs of people towards his car, he glanced back tenderly. 
“My name’s Akaashi Keiji.” The dreamy look that swam through their eyes had him swooning. 
"That's a lovely name." They cooed, squeezing his hand before speaking their own.
Akaashi could get used to this. 
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fy-2pm · 3 years
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[TRANS] 2PM's Junho 'ESQUIRE' Interview
Summer 2021, Drunk in Junho
The hot and gentle story Junho and I shared with "W by Windsor"
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Q: The book "If Our Language is Whiskey" by Haruki Murakami is chosen for the shooting with "W by Windsor" (Hereinafter "W"). It's the perfect combination for a "Whiskey trip" to Scotland and Ireland with the 100% Scottish "W."
JH: This will be interesting. I like reading books. I've been reading a lot lately.
Q: What kind of book do you usually read?
JH: I don't have a favorite reading here. I try to read different kinds of genre and not just focus on a specific genre. Recently, I am into how to handle diseases and death. I read a variety of books. It feels good to know something. If I know about a certain topic, when we talk, we can share our opinions. Even while I was in the army, I don't want to miss the trend so I read more at that time.
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Q: You read more during your army. Did anything change since you were discharged?
JH: It's been more than 100 days since my discharge and it's been really hectic. These were the busy days that I've missed, but I managed to adjust really quickly without any hard feelings. It feels like there is no empty space. I don't think I have changed a lot but I think my mindset has changed a bit. Comparing with the past, I want to treat everything more leisurely. I don't want to feel the rush, the struggle or under attack. I just want to do things step by step. That kind of feeling? I think the people around me can see this feeling too.
Q: That's right. 2PM members said "Junho has a hot temper"
JH: When I say I will do something, I will do it right away. I've achieved a lot because of this personality. However, as I look back to myself, there are times when I think if I should have thought about a little more.
Q: During the "Army hiatus" you received a nickname 'My House Junho'. When you find out, how did you react?
JH: It was at autumn 2019 when I just started serving. Because I really miss the stage, I've been looking up 2PM and my own videos. I could see that the number of views for "My House Junho" has increased gradually. I just thought, 'This will come to a stop soon'. It's like an event.
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Q: It's a video but there are some interesting comments. It feels like a playground.
JH: It's becoming like a community. In there, it feels like you are competing with each other to see who can write something more interesting. It's amazing. One of the most memorable commend said, "I only realize what is spring after the flowers fell." It sounds sad but feels good. (Note: This is a common Korean phrase meaning I only realized something or someone is good after he/she it's gone)
Q: Spring has come again. You have come again.
JH: It means that we were like flowers. But ironically, I don't think we are gone yet.
Q: The more you think about it, the more touching this is.
JH: I think "My House" received a lot of love not because of algorithm or luch, but because fans have real interest in the song. Just by sharing the video, clicking to view and leaving comments, there are all hard work by fans. This is making it fun and we came across a situation where we can do this all over again. Thank you very much.
Q: It becomes a famous "Icon of Hard Work" and it's seeing the light.
JH: For whatever it is, my personality is to try to achieve it. At one point in time, I thought making an effort itself is difficult. After living like this for a long time, I got used to it and now, I don't think of it as making an effort anymore. I've been working hard on my exercise and die but this just become part of my daily life. But I do think about, 'How much long do I have to do this?' (Laugh).
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Q: I think you're a person who will not give up. Junho played the role of Dong-Woo in the movie <Twenty>, where he gave up his dream and said, "Do you know how hard it i to give up?" Not giving up is hard but giving up is hard, too.
JH: I haven't really thought about give up. But if I do give up, I am going to give it up entirely so that I won't remember what happened. To the extreme where is either all or nothing. This is why I don't give up anymore. If you give up something, all that you have done is like nothing had happened.
Q: Even for giving up perfectionism.
JH: With this personality, it used to make me feel really tired. People around me must be tired, too. At one point in time, I feel this is just the way it is. There is nothing wrong with being perfect. But now, I think it's okay to be imperfect. I came to the realization that I cannot do everything by myself. There are also many people who are helping me.
Q: From "Best Idols" to everyone's "Adult Idols". When it comes to adult, you cannot skip the alcohol.
JH: I can't drink that often because I have to take care of my body with exercise and diet. But I do enjoy it. These days, I cannot just drink freely outside, so I will take a sip at home. Drink a little bit of Whiskey and it will make you fall asleep comfortably. I enjoy my alone time like that at home. I used to think coffee and alcohol are bitter. "Why would I drink that?" Now that I know the taste of coffee, I bought a coffee machine. I am also collecting vintage wine. I buy them and give them to people around me as gifts. Let's say you want to drink beer just as cold as coke. For Whiskey, you pour it out to enjoy the taste and aroma. I don't understand this taste before. I thought it was for just people who enjoy strong flavors.
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Q: Knowing the taste of coffee and alcohol is like a symbol of adulthood. Especially for Whiskey, that's like the preservation of a mature adult. Actually, I go a little worried when I saw an article saying Junho is not good at drinking. I wonder if you will go well with "W."
JH: Right, I haven't talk much about alcohol. There were articles like "He could only take one glass of beer" or "He went home so early" for the after parties. I think the fans know that I am a weak drinker but it's not bad for them to think I am cute because of that. But I am not that crazily weak! (Laughs)
Q: There's this article where you said "I usually drink well but I refused to drink at an after party yesterday because of thinks interview". So I thought, "Being a weak drinker self-management is on another level"
JH: For sure, if you have a schedule, you have to have some self control. Even if you drink, just enough to feel good. But even if I drink and go to sleep, I feel refreshed the next day. I don't know if it's because my liver is still in good condition, but I don't usually suffer from hangovers.
Q: Many people say that you will suffer less hangovers drinking Whiskey than other alcohol. I think "W" is good for people like Junho who enjoys drinking comfortably.
JH: I think "W" is especially refreshing. It has a good aroma and it's smooth to swallow. Comparing with other alcohol, Whiskey seems to have a higher entry level but you can have "W" easily. Actually, it has a lower alcohol level than normal Whiskey. During today's filming, I can feel the aroma and I've been sipping little by little. Maybe that's why I feel good now (Laugh).
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Q: What food will go well with "W"?
JH: They often have nuts and chocolate with Whiskey but i would like to recommend tteokbokki. It's not the spicy tteokbokki but the one with beef and sweet soy sauce. You may think "What do you mean by having tekkbokki with Whiskey?" Just do it. It goes well together.
Q: How do you usually drink Whiskey?
JH: It all depends on my mood or situation. I think you find your own way that suits you, so you can drink comfortably. If you want to go to sleep quickly, drink it in a small glass in one shot. If you want to watch a movie, drink it cold with ice. I've been drinking Whiskey with ice and that got me interested in big block of ice. I even looked up YouTube videos where bar mixologist carved some ice balls. I even thought about buying an ice ball maker.
Q: It's all about "equipment" (Laugh)
JH: Even for coffee, I started not knowing anything but I was curious. I bought coffee beans and did the grinding myself. But the grinding size is too big so I went to study how to make it smaller. It became more fun. The scope of Whiskey is even wider when you have experience the different between having Whiskey on its own or having it with it.
Q: In JTBC's <Knowing Bros> when talked about the reverse popularity with "My House Junho" Wooyoung said "It's all because of Junho's virtue. Junho is very careful in everything so that he won't hurt the members. He will sacrifice for the team" I wonder why he feels like this.
JH: I am working as 2PM and as an actor, so all my schedules need to go well together. There are times when drama comes, so I have to turn down 2PM activities. I think that can happen but it's normal. As an actor, it's difficult to do other things when you are involve in a drama. Even though, I can multi-task my schedules, it's still a problem I need to solve. So even when I don't have much sleep, I don't want to show I'm tired. I always want to make myself feel good.
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Q: I think 2PM's charms are "bonds between members" and "consistency". Both sounds easy but it's difficult to do. How did you keep up?
JH: Consideration is the most important and you should never think selfishly. We have been together for 14 years, so one of us could have done that to another person. We weren't adults when we started, so we are always talking to each other and still is today. Our tastes, our personalities and what we want to do are all different. For sure, we compromise and we give in for others but we became more considerate. This is when you know this friend is so kind and considerate. I think this is similar to what Wooyoung said.
Q: Becoming a senior idol
JH: Over the years, we have accumulated lots of experienced and our fields were being broaden. I think we can be a good example with how we stayed together and continue to work as singers. "Bukae" is the trend these days (Note: Bukae means a second job)
Q: Do you any advice fro the juniors?
JH: Umm, let's do well? (Laugh). There's a big difference between good and bad examples. Always watch what you say. Always watch what you do. I hope we can promote happily with the juniors.
Q: There's this "daily energy". It's the energy that shape your daily life with small changes. What shapes Junho's daily life?
JH: Before the schedules start, I must get up. By doing so, it already shape my day.
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Q: The process of being fully occupied and working hard is beautiful. Of course, the results are often great. "W" is also trying to maintain the brand's reputation by carefully selecting the undiluted Scotch Whiskey in Scotland. Junho, I wonder what effort you are making to keep o
JH: And I try not to sleep during my schedules unless I'm very tired. I want to do everything with a clear mind. When you wake up, you're dazing. There was a time when we had schedules at Seoul, Daejeon, Daegu and Busan in different broadcast programs. There was a time when I couldn't sleep on a bed for 2 weeks while we prepared for the end year ceremonies. I was sleeping in the moving car. It was all fun memory but at some point in time, we didn't know how it all went because it was so hectic. I really regret it because I don't want to forget as much as I can. That's why I became interested in photography and videography. I bought a camera and a camcorder to record.
Q: You've been busy since 17. I wonder if you have gone through adolescence.
JH: Of course, I did right? (Laughs). On the other hand, my parents worked in double jobs, so my realization of their importance came a little early. My dad worked as a sea navigator. I didn't see him for 6-12 months so I miss him even more. When I was in elementary school, I went to my mom's workplace and called out to her until she answered me and I cried "I miss you." Now that I think about it, I wonder how busy they were.
Q: The process of being fully occupied and working hard is beautiful. Of course, the results are often great. "W" is also trying to maintain the brand's reputation by carefully selecting the undiluted Scotch Whiskey in Scotland. Junho, I wonder what effort you are making to keep your own color.
JH: I like things that are natural and light. I want to be a person who doesn't provoke or irritate, just like a piece of paper. Sometimes, it can be hard to keep it plain because I have my hot temper and fire but having this mindset keeps me neutralized. In <I Live Alone>, I used the moktak and this is one of my effort to do so. It's relaxing and makes me calmer.
Korean to English translation @JLML718 (Twitter)
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atiny-piratequeen · 3 years
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Oh okay, in the story I'm writing the character who is being penetrated is the dominant one, and I think it would be really hot for her to train him gradually over time to adjust and be able to accommodate her body, moulding and conditioning his dick as well as his mouth to be able to take her, purely for her own benefit. I'm into d/s and powerplay so I assume this is why I like it. I into everything that comes with it, her "training" his dick to adjust to her pussy including being made to have his dick inside her for extended periods of time as part of his training, as well as him being told to use toys to size train himself on his own. And then slowly introducing different sizes (could be bigger or smaller, honestly I was kinda confused when you immediately started talking about smaller sizes cause in my head I was actually imagining size training to take larger orifices like how you were saying about in my first ask with larger insertions), and how it would be slightly painful/uncomfortable for him at first but she praises him and tells him how good he's being the whole time. I have some sadist tendencies I'm also into the idea of him getting to confident and trying to take more than he can handle at that moment and going to rough and hard and it being painful for him as a result and ending up "bambi walking" as you put it lol (although I feel like this is a different topic to gradual size training, and also even though I find the idea hot I don't actually want to send anyone to the hospital by fucking them, I don't find sexual injuries sexy in real life). Maybe it's weird, but I find the idea of his body literally needing time to physically adjust to her extremely hot, as well as his body being trained to take something it couldn't before and her needing to spend time on with him to help him and prep him properly to take her without being in pain and not risk hurting him if he's not ready for it, I like the vulnerability of him possibly being hurt so she has to help him prep and be gentle with him.
I'm not talking about if the partner being penetrated isn't turned on enough or isn't wet enough, or if they're uncomfortable or in pain, I'm just talking about them training their partner to take them before actually fucking them. Also, what if it's a demon au like with your fic and they literally have a different biology to humans and their genitals are different and so their dick needs to be trained to get used to it (this is not what I'm currently writing, it's just another thought I had).
Obviously using a toy that's way too small can be uncomfortable and cause injury but like you said, that's also true of someone who just decides to insert a 12 inch dildo up their ass no?
"there’s no real reason to train someone’s dick for insertion" "i suppose the only 'training’ you can do is with fleshlights that are a bit small for your dick size but like…thats a bit of an extra step when you should be prepping your partner" Idk tho isn't it kind of weird to prescribe what is the "right" way to do things or what "should" be done or that there's no reason to do something because surely that is down to the people involved and what they like/prefer? It seems you're saying that size training is necessary if you want to have sex with a toy/dildo that is larger than average? And quite a few people liked it so I'm assuming they agree, but what I don't get is what do people do if someone with a larger than average dick and/or their partner don't like or want these roles? Like I assume this must have happened before? You said that words of praise are important but what if the other partner doesn't particularly like to receive praise and would rather give it? What if the person with the larger dick likes the idea of being trained by their partner more than their partner being trained? What if the person being penetrated prefers to be the one to give foreplay and help prep their partner for sex and the big dicked person prefers to receive foreplay and be taken care of and be gently and slowly prepped by their partner?
Like I like having vaginal sex and I'm not into painful sex or receiving pain during sex but if I meet a partner who happens to have a larger dick, does that mean I have to do this if I want to have sex comfortably? Honestly I hate the idea of needing to be "trained" or "prepped" to take someone's dick, just thinking about it is kind of making me feel sick to be honest. I would much rather be the one doing the training and prepping, I want that role instead, but I still want to be penetrated at the same time, so where does that put me?
It sucks that it's not called size training, because for better or for worse the more edgy or obscure the kink or tag is the more attention and notes it tends to get and size related kinks in particular are usually very popular. I guess it just sucks that I see so many writers writing for these kinds of kinks like with your demon au fic and they get so many notes and comments from people who just love it praising them and gushing about how hot it is and it sucks to know that I'll probably never get that kind of attention because like your saying it isn't possible for me to write those kinks in reverse or if I can it won't appeal to as many people because there's no real reason for the act or doesn't make sense like it does the other way around and then I just, feel like I can't compete because I can't write stuff like that or write those kinks because it doesn't work that way around. And then I feel bad for feeling bad or for wanting that same kind of popularity or attention because I feel like I'm being ungrateful or bitter and I don't know how to deal with it. But thank you for talking to me.
I...m not gonna lie like the end of this ask really has a kind of vibe that rubs me the wrong way tbh.
I was going to try and tackle the several points here but on fucking god the way you came at me over this and how shit in here is worded really comes off as fucking rude. I never said every single time someone takes someone larger they need to be trained for it. Your first ask was literally "what is size training" not "does someone always need size training to take a larger person"
People always write things that may not be 'common' or have a specific name for it but the fucking passive aggressive (whether intentional or not) "I'll never get as many notes as you/people who write it like xyz" really rubs me the wrong way and felt like a fucking punch in the face to someone i was trying to help in earnest based on the questions you asked me.
Write whatever you want. But you dont go into someones fucking ask box and basically guilt trip them because of note count just because of a difference in the content you make and how you make it and the way readers consume it.
I cannot tell you how many times I've written something maybe my readers have never seen before or dont quite have a popular niche but people end up loving it. If you're that passionate about your work, write it the fuck anyway but don't ever go into someone's box sideways with the way you spoke to me at the end there.
By the way, what you're talking about sounds closer to cock warming with a submissive male and possible orgasm denial. Because like i said in both asks, you cant really train a dick for tighter things. If HES too uncomfortable taking a partner thats too tight, his partner should be looser. If your female character sits on his dick to get him used to her vagina, thats still her body slowly loosening up and eventually it'll be easier on him. And obviously size training isnt needed in every case and people are different. I never said anything was a hard line in how sex should happen.
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ghostmartyr · 6 years
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What does the manga add to Roy and Riza's relationship that the anime doesn't have? Asking out of curiosity since I'm an anime only and they're still one of my favourite pairs of all time!
Oh, ha, I didn’t specifically point to the manga because I have anything in particular against Brotherhood (…or 2003 for that matter) it’s just not my canon, and I’m used to specifying which version of FMA I mean when I talk about the series. I do have a list of petty grievances against Brotherhood, but there is nothing fundamentally altered between Roy and Riza.
..
I mean. Yes. A number of my petty grievances are related to them. And feel slightly less petty as thought is spent on them.
But I would need to go back and watch the anime scenes again to point out the specifics of why.
[many hours later]
(As a note about this post, since I guess I did make the choice of tagging it, this is heavily critical about some specific moments in the Brotherhood anime, but before I get started I want to emphasize that my problems, with the exception of an example that spans a volume, don’t cover even two minutes of video. These things exist, and they bug me, and I clearly have things to say about them, but Brotherhood is 64 episodes long. My impassioned hatred of a few choice features isn’t indicative of my overall feelings on the anime.
Essentially, this is me having fun whining. Not trying to set off landmines. I hope it proves enjoyable.)
So there is this scene change in the first five minutes of episode 19 that has my eternal hatred and I have no plans to ever forgive. That has been true since it aired, and it is still true here today, because I am insufferably stubborn.
(I actually did a session about it before. I’m probably going to repeat most of it, but have a link if it interests you.)
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That is not the dialogue the manga goes with.
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In the manga, Riza’s interaction with Roy is focused on “what the fuck were you thinking why are you here.” Both versions have the scene with her berating Mustang for endangering the mission to save her.
In the anime, the above screencaps are what follow. After giving him a hard time for showing up at all, she thanks him for saving her life. Sweet, I guess, except Roy fires back with a mission-focused response.
If I were doing an anime-only meta thing, something could be said about the hypocrisy of Roy playing hero only to lecture other people about concentrating on the mission, and it would just be another cute thing. I guess. If I were in a charitable mood maybe.
But this is the first anime adaptation I sat through properly, angsting about every twist and turn and change.
My grudges. They last.
In the manga, Mustang brings up the slightly more personal aspects of what has happened. The reason he runs after Hawkeye is that he just lost Hughes, he won’t lose her, and he loses his head entirely. They have the yelling session over it, and he basically yells back the equivalent of, “yeah yeah fine -sulk sulk sulk-”
They leave Fuery and Hayate behind, and we have the presented moment.
Going to assist Riza is not the Proper choice for the military operation they’re running. It was a dangerous thing for Roy to have done, and she rightfully calls him on it. But he does it because he cares, and the fact that he cares is why all these people follow him. He’s a hopeless, idealistic dreamer at heart. His squad is loyal to him because he’s loyal to them.
Roy Mustang is a damn softy.
In the anime, Riza’s the one to call attention back to the whole life-saving motive. In the manga, it’s Roy.
In the anime, when it comes up, Roy dismisses it.
In the manga, when it comes up, Riza apologizes for worrying him.
It’s a small moment, but small moments are allowed to matter, and when small moments are changed, it leaves a bigger impact than if they were just left alone.
In the anime, this exchange, plus Hawkeye’s smile after, suggests that the sentimentality of the relationship comes primarily from her. Riza’s the one having her heart warmed when they have a job to do.
…That’s a slightly meaner way to put it than the scene perhaps deserves, but there is no unfair bitterness like unfair bitterness towards Brotherhood for me. Whining about this adaptation is a thing I do, despite honestly loving the majority.
Anyway, in the manga, the scene is both of them putting legwork into their dynamic. Hawkeye yells at Mustang for showing up out of sentiment, but when he expresses that sentiment in the aftermath, she expresses understanding of his perspective. He did a stupid thing, but they’re a team, and both at ease with their interplay.
In the anime, stop talking Hawkeye, don’t you know we have a job.
The manga is a conversation, the anime is putting a wall up to prevent that conversation. Especially annoying is that the character putting the wall up is the one who initiates the conversation in the manga. The anime drags Mustang back from his emotional openness and pushes Hawkeye to be more so, then provides a dismissal of her acting that way.
Besides being an inverse plus a step back for their relationship, it. also just feels kind of sexist. Instead of the man talking about feelings, the woman is. When the man talks about his feelings, it’s greeted with understanding and respect, when the woman talks about her feelings, it’s greeted with the instruction to put it somewhere else.
The fact that they changed it bothers me, because the way it is in the manga is great. It’s one of many small moments Roy and Riza have where they are shown to respect and care for each other.
The anime version doesn’t add anything, and lessens the mutuality of that bond.
I snarl in its general direction.
The other change that springs to mind is of a similar cloth.
Mustang and Hawkeye encounter the Elrics before they’re aware of Hughes’ death, and Mustang makes up a story about Hughes retiring in the country with his family so that they won’t go looking for him.
Hawkeye greets this with the face of judgment. “Why are you treating him like a child all of a sudden?” He’s never shied from giving Ed adult responsibilities before. This is a blatant lie. Roy says they don’t need any further obstacles to their journey.
A few moments pass. In silence, in the manga. In the anime, Riza points out that they’re going to find out someday. Then…
“…Who am I trying to kid?”
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(Funimation, the heck is with some of your translation choices. Did you just keep the simulcast version for the official DVD subs?)
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So there are a few things. The most obvious difference is the dialogue changes. Hawkeye is more insistent about how the Elrics will find out at some point, then after Mustang makes his character commentary, she calls it cruel instead of sighing and moving on to the next topic.
The other most obvious change is that Mustang smiles after calling himself soft in the anime.
These all sort of play together.
In the manga, Hawkeye is just as judgmental as she is in the anime, but she allows Mustang the space to dwell on his choices for himself. She asks him one question about how he’s treating Edward, then they walk in silence, her disapproval creating a tangible aura.
It isn’t simply Hawkeye judging him. He’s judging himself. In the anime it comes off as a, “tee-hee, what a silly softhearted boi I am.” So in the anime, she vocally objects to what he’s doing.
In the manga, Mustang takes in his inability to break the news to the Elrics as the emotional flaw that it is, and Hawkeye lets him off the hook. He doesn’t need a lecture; he knows his shortcomings. It’s not great, but he’s the kind of person who doesn’t want to tell Ed and Al that Hughes is dead because Hughes tried to help them.
Again, Mustang’s softness is part of what endears him to his crew. It is not always a good trait. Sometimes, as in this case, it’s actively causing problems. But it is who he is.
Riza knows this, and she can let this failure pass with a sigh because Roy knows it too. The anime version has a smile when it’s nothing to smile over. The manga version is more, “hahaha… fuck.”
Roy and Riza know each other and themselves extraordinarily well. They might have the boundaries of superior and subordinate, but they are comfortable enough in their understanding of each other that they are allowed to be themselves. It’s the conversation thing. There is an undercurrent of figurative dialogue to their relationship that never stops.
When they do call each other out in the manga, it does not keep the conversation from flowing. It continues it. Both of the above changes take it to a stuttering halt in their scenes.
Then we have episode 30.
After which, I do not have memories specific enough to shout about things or know if there are things to shout about, but episode 30.
-screams forever and ever and ever-
-intersperses screams with tears of anguish-
From what I know of being an FMA fan, it is difficult to be an FMA fan without being passingly familiar with the debates of which version is better. Usually it’s Brotherhood vs. 2003. My personal, obviously right opinion, is that this is the wrong way to do it, and it should be manga vs. 2003, because really it’s an argument over which plot is better, and Brotherhood’s plot is the property of the manga.
I also think it’s impossible to really debate. The two series have different feels and themes. They are both extremely well done, meaning that which one you prefer comes down to personal preference.
I’m pretty sure people who bother to have those discussions could say a lot more on the topic, but that’s my general, broad stroke, very glossed-over perspective on it all.
I mention this because I think anyone who loves FMA should read volume fifteen of the manga. If you’re not a manga person, you don’t want to read 27 volumes of manga, yeah, understandable. You have your version of the story, enjoy it, you shouldn’t feel the need to read the original if you don’t want to. The idea that you have to pour every bit of content into your brain to be a good fan is pretty unhealthy.
But I recommend volume 15 regardless, because the anime does not come close to presenting its content. It is four chapters devoted to the Ishvalan War. Outside the framing device (Ed going to return Hawkeye’s gun and asking about what went down), the entire volume basically stands on its own.
It is a harrowing, intimate depiction of the genocide campaign. That is the focus of the entire volume.
Scar’s backstory is moved to an earlier section in the anime, and Mustang burning Hawkeye’s back is moved to the Envy fight, so this might be an unfair barb to throw, but I still want to say it. The anime covers this volume in one episode.
-goes back to screaming-
(Honestly though, some of the best fun I ever had in fandom came from being on a forum full of manga fans and all of us yelling our despair over Brotherhood’s choices. You would never believe that this anime was considered the gold standard of anything.)
But we’re here for Roy and Riza!
There’s only one thing that sincerely bothers me to pain of the irritation of the above. Most of my sulking is just why did they do this to my favorite volume. Mustang and Hawkeye’s stuff is mostly intact. Except when it isn’t.
Chronologically, the first complaint is that when Riza’s father collapses (dies), Mustang is alone with him. In the manga, the scene ends with a shot of Riza, watching, terrified, from the doorway.
Also known as the scene where Roy calls Riza by her first name.
-still screaming-
The cemetery scene is truncated. The anime jumps right into Roy and Riza discussing Roy becoming a soldier. The manga starts the scene out with the focus on funeral things. Roy asks if Riza has other family, and what she plans to do now.
After that, he offers her his number, and they get to talking about the military and Roy’s dream.
They also cut this.
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In the anime, Roy discusses his military life through the lens of Master Hawkeye’s opinion on it, asking if Riza is going to disapprove as well. Roy starts talking because he assumes that’s how she feels about it, and preemptively defends his perspective.
In the original, when Roy hands Riza his information, she asks, “For the rest of your life…?” It’s followed by the above panel.
Roy’s monologue about his aspirations and his dream for what he can do as a member of the military happens because Riza asks. Not directly, but her addition to the conversation prompts him to talk about his views, and he mentions that those views are why he studied alchemy. In other words, why he’s standing in front of a grave, awkwardly trying to talk to his dead master’s daughter.
Following that, the original pays more attention to the lead-up of Riza entrusting Roy with her father’s research. In the anime, she jumps straight from the ideals topic to asking if she can trust him with it.
In the manga, there’s that beat of contemplation after Roy brings up alchemy, and how his master didn’t teach him everything.
Riza tells him that his dream sounds wonderful.
Another beat.
That’s when she tells him that her father did leave his alchemical secrets behind. Words about this are exchanged for a small number of panels.
In the anime, she asks Roy if she can entrust her father’s work (dream, values) to him. Directly after the dream dialogue.
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In the manga, when Roy tries to bring their discussion back to Riza’s father, and what he did with his research, Riza redirects him. It isn’t about her father. It’s about her, and by consequence, Roy, and how Roy’s dream inspires her.
“That dream… Can I entrust you with my back so that I can help make it come true?”
The anime severely underplays the significance of Riza offering her father’s research to Roy. They address it a little once Envy is being dealt with, but in the manga, all of the discussion of Riza watching Roy’s back is drawn from how Riza’s back is what’s given Roy the power to rise as far as he has.
It goes from maintextual subtext to subtextual subtext.
Also, the cuts to their conversation just plain means that there’s less of Roy and Riza interacting. The two of them are very, very young, standing in front of a grave and talking about ideals. The longer manga version allows the quality of their youthful awkwardness to truly shine.
The scene is dropped in the middle of the volume, whereas in the anime, it opens the Ishvalan flashback. There’s much to be examined about how that affects the emotional impact, but… geez that gets to be a lot of threads. Trying to go through all of the ways they crammed a whole volume into one episode is just going to make me dizzy.
Even if the theoretical focus of this post weren’t shipping, I’m not sure my brain would be up for that. There’s just so much going on, and the time allotted means it’s a Frankenstein job.
The one major difference for Roy and Riza, which I can’t believe they went with, and can’t believe my sad feelings every time I watch the episode and confirm yeah, they really went that way with it.
Why why why why why why why why must you hurt me this way.
SO!
THE ANIME VERSION!
OF ROY AND RIZA MEETING IN ISHVAL!
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Riza walks up and says hi after noticing them because Hughes is babbling about his future wife.
Yay.
The manga version does not. does not do that.
It.
That’s not how it goes.
At all.
In the manga, Roy and Hughes run into each other on their break and start chilling together. Hughes gets a letter, does his excited babbling, Roy tells him to stop being a stereotypical red shirt, when suddenly
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Oh noes.
Roy and Hughes react as fast as they can, which might or might not end up fast enough, when a bullet goes through the Ishvalan’s brain.
There’s quiet for a moment, then Roy gets behind cover because oh no gunshot, and Hughes tells him to chill, it’s all good.
“We have the ‘hawk’s eye’ on our side. […] A real ace sharpshooter… who’s causing quite a stir in my circle of friends. She’s still in the academy but because she’s so skilled… they brought her to the front.”
Guess who.
Hughes and Roy, being the good people they are, go back to camp to thank the sniper for saving them. Hughes is his cheery self. Roy is not noticeably perturbed.
Then the sniper drops her hood and stands up.
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You could say I prefer the manga version. It has Riza being a badass, and adds to the shock they both have of seeing each other here.
Riza gets her own little horrified section of panels all about it.
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She was just helping out two soldiers. She didn’t realize until after she fired that one of them was Roy, and that he’s in this hell too.
The other thing that I enjoy about this particular sequence of panels is that in the manga, they come up a bit earlier. Throughout the manga, Ishval flashback panels are everywhere. As this scene is initially presented (Hawkeye looking at Mustang through her scope), many chapters earlier, it looks like maybe they’re on opposite sides.
Or maybe it’s just me who thinks that’s a thing.
In any case, it adds some serious drama to their reunion. In the anime, the drama is entirely that they are both here in this awful war. In the manga, a Mysterious Sniper saves Roy’s life and turns out to be his master’s daughter.
It’s just cooler, okay?
Their conversation when Riza becomes Roy’s aide is also truncated. Riza says her specialty is guns, because death doesn’t linger when you use them. Roy tells her, with what I feel is sympathy, that’s just a deception to make the work easier. She agrees, but because she’s decided that work is necessary, there we go.
I thought that would be my last thing, but now that I have volume fifteen open, I can’t help but go to the scene during the Envy stuff. I won’t touch the main scenes of that, though I’m sure there are changes, because this is already too long and I’ve officially gone through the things that personally affect my view of the anime, which… was, at some point, maybe, the point of the ask. ^^;
Basically, I will never stop if I go through everything, but in case it isn’t obvious, I really love the fifteenth volume, so to Envy we go.
Huh. They really didn’t alter much. The core’s all there. Because of the placement, Mustang gets docked a few lines, and he is rewarded one of Riza’s (about making the tattoo as illegible as possible) in return, but it’s basically the same, with the addition of Riza thanking him.
I have no particular feelings on that. The ending of the scene is different because it’s not intended to go with the rest of the Ishvalan War, and… I guess  I could manufacture some dislike over Riza expressing gratitude instead of the pure stubbornness the manga has. It distracts a little from why she’s asking those secrets to be burned off. They’re in a hell of their own creation. The soft thanks blurs the cutting edge.
Which isn’t to say I can’t have other problems with it.
As a manga reader who enjoyed Brotherhood as it was coming out, as well as someone who is writing this mostly from memory and going over only specific scenes, I have no way to ascertain how clear it is to anime fans what happens with Riza’s back and when. In the manga, it is excruciatingly clear that her father puts his research on her back, that is how Roy comes to have Flame Alchemy, and that is what Riza asks him to burn off.
Since that’s all in volume fifteen, the next twelve volumes are read with the understanding that before Riza is instructed to watch Roy’s back in case he falls, she offers him her back, and brings the ruin of Flame Alchemy to Ishval.
That history defines them. Their own choices plant them in that war, but Roy uses the alchemy she gives him out of hope for a better world to commit genocide. It’s a horrific weight on both of them, and his decision to have Riza, of all people, watch his back after the war?
Dude, it is such an amazing ship detail. Riza entrusts her back to Roy. He, in turn, entrusts his to her.
I get why it’s moved. Sort of. Given that volume fifteen is given one episode, I get why it’s moved. It’s most heavily relevant to Roy’s rampage against Envy.
However, I don’t think the power of knowing the depths of their connection earlier on can be understated. Roy and Riza’s devotion and synergy comes from watching their shared idealism burn the people they wanted to protect to a crisp, and their commitment to never letting that happen again. They create a hell through their good intentions. Having done that, they do not abandon their good intentions. They refine them and continue forward.
That is what binds them together. They rise from the ashes of their flames.
I do not, for the most part, think Brotherhood does them a major disservice. My gripes are pretty much all listed above, and my praises are endless.
But if you really love Roy and Riza, I’d seriously recommend reading the manga at some point, because there’s stuff the anime doesn’t bother with. AKA, yes, there is even more royai to be uncovered, don’t you want to seeeeee? :D :D
This kind of obviously grew past what you were initially asking, but I hope it serves a satisfactory answer regardless! Thanks for the opportunity to spam my love for these two!
…Through spamming my hate of stuff, but we’re ignoring that.
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ettadunham · 5 years
Text
A Buffy rewatch 3x19 Choices
aka everyone’s just dying to give each other a piece of their mind
Welcome to this dailyish text post series where I will rewatch an episode of Buffy and rant about it in 10-3k words. What you can expect: long run-on sentences and disjointed observations, often focused on one tiny detail about the episode. What you shouldn’t be expecting: actual reviews that make sense.
And I’ve been waiting forever for today’s episode to finally discuss some quality Willow and Faith feelings... And it turns out that it was just a 2-minute-scene all along? Still, we’ll be making the best out of those 2 minutes, folks.
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There’s actually a lot going on in Choices, but I want to get the main rant out first, before I get lost in all the small details of it.
So... Willow and Faith.
Fun fact, did you know that that is actually the 5th most popular BtVS F/F pairing tag on Ao3? Right after the popular canon, the popular “it’s basically canon and you can fucking sue me” ship, the pairing of the two main female characters (shout out to the Wuffys, I got you) and the less popular canon ship.
Which... wasn’t really what I was expecting? I mean, I also wasn’t expecting #6 being Faith/Dawn (having a 2 fic-lead on the ultimate OTP because you’re all heathens), so I guess I know nothing.
Some of those switch though if you filter for the F/F category, look, I have charts:
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(Meanwhile Buffy/Kendra has like 12 fics, you really are all heathens.)
Anywho, thanks for coming to my Ted talk about the math of Buffy femslash. Now, back to Willow and Faith specifically.
Once I thought about it, it did make sense that this is actually a popular fandom pairing I guess? On one hand, it’s a common denominator situation, as in note which characters pop up consistently on that chart... On the other hand, in this episode alone Willow taunts Faith to which she responds by punching her and threatening her with a knife... And that’s pretty much how foreplay works as far as Faith’s concerned.
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Faith just likes it rough, okay? Remember the screencap I used for Consequences after Buffy punches her?
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I rest my case.
But I’m already way off topic here. Because what I was actually planning on talking about initially was how Willow felt about Faith, and the source of those feelings.
I already pointed this out, but I feel it’s worth repeating - Willow’s dislike of Faith goes back to two episodes in particular: Bad Girls and Consequences. As far as I was able to discern this time during my rewatch, there were no previous signs of animosity between the two preceding that two-parter.
In Bad Girls, Buffy blows Willow off for their study session to go out with Faith, and starts rambling about how Willow and Xander wouldn’t understand anyway what she and Faith do.
Willow is deeply hurt and jealous... She actually blows Buffy off too in return when she tries talking to her at school in the next episode, and only listens once Buffy shows up crying at her doorstep not knowing what to do about the whole Faith killed a guy situation.
In the same episode, Xander lets it slip that he and Faith had sex... And Willow is once again obviously hurt and jealous. She even has a good cry about it in the bathroom.
And I guess that that seems like a stronger emotional response than how she reacts to Faith stealing away Buffy from her, but it’s still coming from the same place. Note her line in that episode when she acknowledges her biases:
I'm not the most objective, I know. I kind of have an issue with Faith sharing my people.
“Sharing my people” - she’s pointedly talking about both Xander and Buffy here.
And there is a specific kind of betrayal that she feels from Xander, and that’s going to translate to pretty much all of Xander’s relationship... But at this point, it’s not really about her wanting that relationship with Xander. She had the option and she rejected it.
Still, if Xander has that with someone else, that makes their shared experiences feel less special. It makes her feel like less special in his life. (Which unfortunately tracks with a lot of Xander’s behavior about how he’s always chasing the new, shiny and unattainable thing in his life.)
Meanwhile with Buffy, Willow is mostly supportive of her relationships... up until to the point that she feels like they’re taking up the space that she occupies in Buffy’s life. And that very much happens with Faith in those moments, as Buffy suddenly feels like she can’t share with Willow what she and Faith has. (I swear, I’m not even trying, these sentences just turn out this way.)
So... yeah. Willow is super pissed at Faith for having the audacity to try and take away her people from her, and then hurting the both of them.
And I guess we can see some of that same kind of jealousy with Faith (I can and I will read parallels into Willow and Faith’s characters, just you wait) and her whole thing with Buffy and Angel in Choices... Except it’s weirdly misdirected? Like is the Mayor and the show seriously trying to tell us that Faith is jealous about Angel not wanting to make out with her, when that whole thing was all about Buffy in the first place?
Really, Mayor Wilkins? Really?
Well, I guess he is evil.
Back to Willow though, we have this scene where she gets taken hostage, and after she murders her vampire guard with a pencil (amazing), she decides to get comfortable in the Mayor’s office and read through all 5 tomes of the Books of Ascension??? It’s such a delightful nonsense.
Of course, I’m definitely with her on the whole “knowledge is power” notion. Even if they were to prevent the Mayor from having this Box of MacGuffin, there’s no way to tell if that would actually stop the Ascension. But knowing what’s to come and what they could do about it? That’s a definite win.
The issue is that as Faith puts it, being caught red-handed while gaining that knowledge makes Willow some very strong murder material for the bad guys. She could’ve just put the books in a bag, and tried escaping with them, or get the hell out there the moment she discovered those sensitive pages.
But do you know what I think? I think Willow just wanted to have the chance to confront Faith. She was ready to die just to give her a piece of her mind.
Willow: It's way too late. You know, it didn't have to be this way. But you made your choice. I know you had a tough life. I know that some people think you had a lot of bad breaks. Well, boo hoo! Poor you. You know, you had a lot more in your life than some people. I mean, you had friends in your life like Buffy. Now you have no one. You were a Slayer and now you're nothing. You're just a big selfish, worthless waste.
That’s commitment.
Notice also how she highlights Faith having Buffy in her life and not appreciating it enough to keep fighting. I do feel like Willow is deeply offended by that. I talk about her jealousy a lot, but her commitment to the people she loves is usually her more dominant character trait. Feeling like Faith stole her friends from her hurt her; but her anger mostly comes from the fact that Faith hurt Buffy and Xander in unimaginable ways.
I guess this episode did give me a lot of Willow feelings.
Someone else who shared Willow’s need to impart some wisdom in the most inconvenient times was the Mayor. And honestly? I didn’t care a whole lot about it. Angel and Buffy has a million other conflicts that come before him being immortal.
Like, I get that it’s supposed to shake them out of their own little bubble a bit, and face the fact that they don’t really see a future together. I believe the phrasing I previously used was that being together prevents them from becoming the people they want to be.
Their initial exchange at the graveyard is kinda hilarious though. “You never take me to any place new” - I’m still laughing, ngl.
At the same time, Xander and Cordelia still appear to be having their bitter verbal conflicts. Which is weird, especially after Earshot, an episode that I praised for including Cordelia in the group once again. (I guess maybe Earshot was written with a different place in the season in mind for it initially? I know that it didn’t air when it was supposed to too, because of the school shooting aspect...)
Here, the two of them are once again out to get each other. Even Buffy ends up in the crossfires, as Cordelia aims one of her pointedly cruel jabs at her. Yikes.
But we also find out here that Cordelia is working in a dress shop now, so there’s that.
And this episode of course is also about everyone’s futures. Willow decides that despite being accepted into literally every school ever, she’s going to attend UC Sunnydale with Buffy. Not just to be with her, but because she enjoys saving the world and all that jazz.
Oh, Willow, if you only knew...
This of course also presents a welcome contrast for Buffy, who feels like she doesn’t have a choice but to stay in Sunnydale. It’s a really nice moment between them, as Buffy realizes herself that she too very much made that choice herself. Because that’s who Buffy is. Someone who could never turn her back on the people who need her.
Buffy:  I kinda love you.
We all do, Buffy. Just ask Oz, and his decisive ingredient smashing move that annihilated the whole argument about whether or not they should rescue Willow. (”That’s your future wife!” - me @ Alexis Denisof in that scene.)
Also, shout out at that whole Mission Impossible heist premise we got going on in this episode. I always appreciate a weird clash of genres.
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ganymedesclock · 6 years
Note
i'm trying to understand where the idea that lotor is self-serving and only cares about himself and what he wants came from? we still don't even know his real plan, and his motive over going to voltron is to like... live, probably.
This is actually an interesting question, so, I wanna break this down a little and talk about Lotor, and reads on him, and what I think they’re playing off of.
1. History
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I’m not sure how strong an influence this is, but the idea of Lotor as a pampered, materialistic, vain asshole is actually completely founded in other continuities. Quite a few of them- GoLion, DotU, and DDP in particular, depict Lotor literally keeping harems of beautiful women who waited on him, massaged him, poured him wine- and he drank a lot of wine.
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Voltron Force broke away from the harem thing, but he was still shown drinking that’s-probably-an-alcoholic-beverage-but-they-won’t-say-so-because-cartoon in the bath while allegedly important things were going on. Admittedly with Force Lotor, this is moderately more understandable since he was undead and needed repeat exposures to a specific substance in order to keep the “un” part in there- and chose the sauna option over injection or radiation because he was sick of the alternatives.
It still comes back to, frankly, prior incarnations of Lotor absolutely deserved to be identified as spoiled, or at least used to the good life. While I’ve yet to find a single incarnation of Lotor that has a good relationship with Zarkon, in most other continuities, Lotor had ample resources separate from him (in a few, such as Force, Lotor is in charge as Zarkon is long dead) and was very inclined to indulge in them- and, as the very nature of a slave harem necessitates- often directly at others’ expense.
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Of course that’s only as logical an explanation as making assumptions about VLD Lotor based on other incarnations of the character, when Lotor, like every other character in VLD, is a very different creature from his prior selves. Never in VLD’s canon have we witnessed Lotor doing anything that looks like partying or relaxing- or even not immediately related to his ambition. This continuity sets him up as a counterpart to Shiro, after all, and Shiro is a rather dedicated workaholic.
The only pleasant company Lotor entertains is the generals, and that’s about the furthest thing from a “harem” as you can get- the generals are autonomous, ambitious people, and, like Lotor, they spend their onscreen time working. Their relationship is businesslike in nature, and while Lotor clearly considers them friends and is more personal with them than mere coworkers, we have no evidence their relationship ever moved out of the territory of allies and conspirators. And Lotor hasn’t shown romantic or sexual interest in anyone else, much less acting on it.
It’s a facelift very similar to Zarkon, when prior incarnations of his character were also inclined to extravagant opulence. However, while in VLD Zarkon’s case, his spartan inclinations still come with their own flavor of ostentation, and it’s simply that he has nothing to prove as he’s already considered something approaching a god- in Lotor’s case the specific lack of pampered settings is used as one word in a different ongoing message- that Lotor’s ambition and calculation in this continuity is rooted not in entitlement, but a deep, abiding bitterness.
Other incarnations of Lotor were selfish people, and their unhappiness rooted in Zarkon’s abuse drove some of their selfish grabs, but even then, their behavior was neither understandable, nor sympathetic. (GoLion’s Sincline, for example, lusted after Allura out of misplaced grief over the traumatic loss of his mother, but he was still trying to abduct and forcibly wed an unrelated teenager who happened to look like his mom)
And that leads into my second point…
2. Self-serving versus selfish
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Talking purely VLD here, Lotor is established as a manipulator, and someone who’s not afraid to lie through his teeth to other people. Given that this is the same context in which his more noble, political reform ambitions also come to light, I think many people have come away with the assumption that Lotor is inherently selfish- that his manipulation and behind-the-scenes discarding and mockery of Throk is evidence that Lotor is ultimately a cruel person.
And this very flavor of guile, on prior incarnations, did have the take-home that Lotor was ultimately a nasty guy only in it for himself.
However, again, in VLD, Lotor is a good deal more desperate, and more vulnerable, than his prior selves.
There is no Altea left. It’s dead and gone. And Lotor is not only biologically half-Altean, but frankly, from a cultural perspective, even down to his accent- he’s basically an Altean with a thin coating of just purple and pointy enough to be palatable to the average galra. This puts a very different spin on his relationship with the empire, and with his father, especially given the latter very actively and deliberately is trying to complete his earlier genocide of the Altean people.
Prior incarnations of Lotor didn’t have this problem- even Sincline, who was half-Altean, still felt safe enough that he acted as a conqueror in furthering Zarkon’s empire, and actually, before he started to struggle against Voltron, entertained a fairly cozy position.
VLD Lotor, however, is a vulnerable minority neck deep in the heartland of the empire and he has basically no illusions whatsoever that his title won’t save him. He’s not scheming against Zarkon because “boy, it sure would be neat to have more power here, too bad my smelly old dad is immortal, is there any way I can help the natural process along here” nearly as much as “it’s inevitably going to be me or him, and if I don’t shoot first, he will.”
Lotor’s a survivalist. And in that sense, he is self-serving, but not in the way of someone who’s gonna use your tears to salt his martini, so to speak. We see this a lot in, say, his interactions with Puig, or in s4e5 when he bails on the generals.
Lotor does, in fact, make decisions that serve himself. Sometimes this is at others’ expense. His attitude, virtually always, is “I don’t particularly want to be doing this. I can tell you’re hurting, and I don’t really want you to be. But… if I don’t take this, I’m going to die, and I also don’t want that. Well, then. take care of yourself.”
The only people Lotor’s consistently shown to have no sympathy for is Zarkon, Haggar, and people like Throk who are gleefully and unabashedly part of their empire. And that’s not really surprising, and it’s certainly not a villainous trait. Our heroes are the same way- they really don’t have much empathy for the commanders and generals that are happy under Zarkon.
The specific way Throk frames his criticism of Lotor in s3e1 boils down to Throk perceives Lotor’s more merciful approach as a threat to the empire. Compassion and empathy are hazards to Throk, who is, in short, an aristocrat who bought his way to the top with other people’s blood and tears. He brings this up repeatedly when fighting Lotor- that he has hurt others, that he is proud of his violence and cruelty onto others.
And Throk? Throk is the guy Lotor genuinely throws under the bus, chews him out and spits him out coldly, and I’m willing to bet there is more than a little bitterness and vengefulness in there. But pulling this back to our original topic:
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Guile, manipulation, scheming, are in short, not stereotypically heroic traits. Seeing Lotor lie to Throk, from a viewer’s perspective, awakens a reflexive discomfort in us, because seeing people lie to each other and undermine them behind the scenes is stereotypically villainous behavior. The audience becomes suspicious and on edge towards Lotor, and this causes them to read the rest of Lotor’s behavior in a very cynical light- any compassion or empathy we see out of him going forwards has to be a lie, has to be a trick.
The thing this read misses is that Throk again, defined himself by his cruelty and vindictiveness. He isn’t a guy we should be weeping for all that hard. Our heroes would have messed him up just as much had they gotten their hands on him first. That’s why Throk is given so much time to speak for himself, and establish that yeah, he’s a violent bigot and proud of it, and how heavily, thematically, Lotor’s manipulation of Throk is framed as a counterattack.
Because both practically in the duel and in the larger situation, Lotor hangs back and lets Throk pound on him, only focusing on blocking and protecting himself. He doesn’t even come out of it unscathed- there’s a notable moment of Throk clipping Lotor’s hair, which Lotor doesn’t once acknowledge.
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The entire time Throk and his friend are speaking of Lotor, we see Lotor in the ring, set upon by his larger opponent- dodging, evading, weaving around. This is a very direct visual allegory- Lotor is an underdog. If there’s anyone who picked this fight first, it’s the thousand injuries of the galra empire Lotor’s endured first.
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So what this all comes back to, I think, is that there’s a failure to distinguish prior continuities’ selfish, arrogant Lotor, who had plenty and wanted more, from VLD’s Lotor, who’s more of a starving wolf on the prowl. Both are dangerous- both will take what they want and if need be hurt you to get it. 
But one of them wants without any real need behind it- wants, in the way that someone sitting in a comfortable room surrounded by beautiful people sees someone that doesn’t belong to them and salivates. And that’s unsympathetic, even if it’s rooted in genuine tragedy- because GoLion’s Sincline made the choice to fill his void by trapping other people inside of it.
VLD Lotor is not a selfish person. He’s aggressive, he’s ambitious, he’s calculating, the same way prior incarnations of his character were. But need and want are really the same for Lotor- there’s nothing he doesn’t try to hold onto that he doesn’t need, and those needs are unfulfilled.
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It’s actually really kind of a fascinating contrast to look at DotU Lotor who has so many people waiting on him hand and foot that he throws them away and basically ignores them (I don’t think we ever learn any of his attendants’ names, nor are they treated as full characters who have lives outside of him, with the exception of other people he tries to kidnap, such as Romelle) and compare that to Lotor where the only four people whose company he genuinely seems to enjoy, all named and full characters, all left him one way or another, partially through his own actions, but with an overwhelming sense of helplessness from him the entire time. 
People have compared the generals’ betrayal of Lotor to the fall of Azula, when one of the meaningful differences is that Azula was completely outraged and shocked to lose Mai and Ty Lee.
Lotor, once he gets over the initial surprise of being shot? Just kind of takes it as a given.
It comes down to the difference between a glutton and someone who’s been living on the street without reliable food for years. Both of them are going to be preoccupied with their next meal, but in very different contexts- one goes “ho hum, what shall I eat today,” and the other one is going “will I be able to eat today?”
And to me, I think sympathy entirely aside, that’s something that makes VLD Lotor a lot more dangerous than his DotU self. Because DotU Lotor could be counted on to indulge (the oft-quoted birthday party episode) and this was something his enemies could exploit- he’d lower his guard to have a good time.
VLD Lotor is a terrified, embittered person who takes almost nothing for granted and even if he’s far more ethical than his older incarnations, Narti’s fate alone is a magnificent case study in how far Lotor will go doing things he doesn’t want to because he lives his entire life with his back to a wall knowing if he doesn’t personally carve a way out here through whatever might be in his way, he’s not leaving.
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choisgirls · 7 years
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This is my first time requesting a headcannon from anyone! ((I'm asking you guys because I love how you guys write, it's amazing!)) I was wondering if you could do a RFA + V + Saeran reaction to MC accidentally taking a drug thinking it's candy? ((You don't have to do this if it's too weird or something!! I'm sorry!! ;-; I'm so embarrassed lol))
A/N: Me?? the first??? i am hoNOURED ;u; HHHNNNNN I HOPE THIS ISOKAY SORRY I STRAYED FROM THE “THINKING ITS CANDY” PART SOMETIMES;;;;~Admin 404
 Me @ Saerans: im sorry no im not
 Idk if this is a TW or anything but… drug mention warning??Right here??
*YOOSUNG:
               -Yo he goesto /college/. /COLLEGE PARTIES MY FRIENDS./
               -He doesn’tnormally go but friends invited him, and he invited you! Totally wasn’t becausehe wanted to show you off to people??? No????
               -But youseemed a little more comfortable at these things than he did, you evendisappeared for a little while
               -He spentalmost an hour trying to find you amongst the sea of people, and when he didfind you, you seemed confused, dazed, and just completely out of it
               -Tried askingyou what was wrong and all you could do was stare at him with your eyes glossedover for a solid minute before you reacted to him actually being there
               -When youmade sense of his presence, you smiled and welcomed him very slowly beforesticking your tongue out to touch it
               -“Yoosung,is my tongue big? Is it.. big.. oh my god its growing. What if it won’t fit inmy mouth anymore?? YooSUNG WHaT WiLL I Do?!”
               -You nolonger had volume control over your voice and he is very concerned. One secondyou’re yelling, the next you’re whispering. What was wrong with you?? You werestarting to scare him;;
               -It took asolid 5 minutes for you to explain to him that someone had offered you somechocolate and you never turned down chocolate! But he remembered hearingsomeone say something about “edibles”.. is.. is that what it was? Didyou mistakenly take drugs?! Why weren’t you more careful?!
               -Strugglesto carry you home- arm thrown around his shoulder as his arms around your hip,the two of you have to stop every now and again because you’re contemplatingeverything around you. Once he’s got you home, he immediately tucks you into bed.Of course he went to the group chat to figure out what he should do, andSaeyoung told him to just make sure you slept it off.
               -In themorning he lectured you that you can’t take chocolate from people you don’tknow!! Especially if it doesn’t smell right- what in the world made you thinkit was safe;; Also, now refuses invites to parties because he doesn’t want totake you to another one and have this happen again
*ZEN:
               -HE WAS INA MOTORCYCLE GANG YOU CAN PRY THE THOUGHT THAT HE’S NEVER DONE DRUGS OUT OF MYCOLD DEAD HANDS
               -Whenstored correctly in an airtight baggy or pill bottle in the correct conditions,it’s possible to preserve ecstasy pills for /years/ at a time.
               -Cue springcleaning when the two of you are going through old boxes and clothing and youfind this small bag full of smiley face shaped things. They looked like shapedsweettarts and those are the type of candies that you eat when you find them,you never go out of your way to get them yourself, so you thought why not.Though it wasn’t sour, it was just really bitter and nasty and there was no wayyou were going to eat another one
               -But whenZen came in to check on you after finishing his own portion of cleaning, hefound you chewing the fabric of your shirt. Why were you chewing your shirt?Were you hungry? Were you focusing? Did you need him to get you some gum???Stop doing that!!!!
               -When younoticed him come into the room, your face immediately lit up. You gave him thebiggest smile you could manage, and you started to welcome him into the room.But welcoming him turned into talking about his clothes. Talking about hisclothes led to talking to him about the room. Talking about the room led totalking about him. And talking about him led to a 10 minute long ramble thatconsisted of repeating “I love you so much” and telling him howgorgeous he was.
               -Of course,that was a favourite topic amongst the two of you normally, but you justseemed… off this time. You seemed… /too/ excited to talk about him. Too inlove. Too…. happy
               -He satdown in front of you to take a good look at your eyes and read your actions.You smiled at him all over again and the very second you touched his face he/knew/ what had happened.
               -“WHEREDID YOU GET THAT. MC. RIGHT NOW. WHERE DID YOU GET THAT.” “Zenny~ Getwhat? Why are you yelling? Oh! Are we cheering? I can cheer! YAY ZEN YA-”“No no, sweetheart, sit down, please.”
               -After fightingto get you to show him what you took, he was mortified. E-ecstasy? Where didyou get that? It was his? When did he have this? HOW LONG AGO DID HE CLEAN OUTHIS CLOSET?
               -He got youa styrofoam cup full of water, he knew at some point you were going to bethirsty, /and/ need to chew on something. He didn’t want you to chew on yourclothes anymore, nor did he want you to accidently bite your tongue;;
               -For oncehe’s silent the rest of the day, making sure you’ve got something to chew on,listening to you ramble on and on about how nice the house is and how amazingyou thought he was. Definitely made sure to get rid of that baggy… and gothrough a few other boxes from him gang days to make sure there was nothingelse in there. Definitely lectures you on eating things you randomly find inold boxes among other things;
*JAEHEE:
               -MC who inthe world thinks accepting any sort of offer in a bathroom is okay??
               -You getoffered some chocolate in the bathroom, most people would immediately decline.Who.. who accepts that? MC? Why?
               -Younoticed it tasted a little gross but you didn’t want to be rude and spit it outin front of the people offering it to you, so you finished the piece and madeyour way back to the dinner table where Jaehee was waiting.
               -She was alittle concerned when she could smell the drug, but she didn’t think you didanything of the sort, and chalked it up to be someone near your table.
               -However,once your eyes started to turn a little red and glazed over, she decided thatyou must have truly taken the drug, and paid the bill as quickly as possible soshe could get you home.
               -On thewalk home was when it really kicked in. You kept telling her how soft her handswere, because you couldn’t remember that you had just told her the exact samething, word for word.
               -Youstumbled a little when you walked and kept trying to sit in the middle of thesidewalk because your legs felt like jelly.
               -At onepoint you started to cry because you weren’t sure why in the world anyone woulddrop their half eaten pretzel on the ground and leave it there, where evenbirds couldn’t reach it to eat. She couldn’t help but laugh at how ridiculousyou sounded, though she was still extremely angry that you had taken drugs onyour date??
               -Once shegot you home and you sat down, she watched as your head would dip down beforeyou snapped it right back up to look at her. Apparently you kept blacking outin the matter of seconds before you woke back up and she wanted you to just laydown and sleep.
               -Figured itcouldn’t hurt to ask you just what happened back at the restaurant. You toldher about the people in the bathroom who offered you some of their chocolateand you kept giggling because you couldn’t believe someone would be nice enoughto just offer some chocolate to a stranger in the bathroom. That’s when itclicked that you had no idea what was hiding within the sweet.
               -Made yousleep it off the rest of the night. You better believe you’re getting one ofthe biggest, emotion-filled lectures of your life the moment you wake upbecause she needs to tell you about the dangers of just blindly taking ANYTHINGfrom strangers??? And she also had to explain to you what you had even done?And what was in the chocolate you decided to eat. Momma Jaehee, scolding you2kforever.
*JUMIN:
               -Being hiss/o can be dangerous and let me explain why for just a second
               -Of course,being the s/o of someone as popular (and handsome.. and rich… and powerful..)as Jumin Han, there is not only a lot of attention thrown your way, but there’salways someone who gets jealous (whether of you or of him)
               -So, youalways have to be on your toes because you never know what might happen, orwhat someone might do to you. Of course you have bodyguards but sometimes theycan slip up as well.
               -Like, notnoticing that someone had slipped something into your drink?
               -Normally,Jumin watches you and your surroundings like a hawk because he’s alwaysconcerned for you, but this time even he was distracted talking business with apotential new client and didn’t see it happen.
               -Luckilyfor the two of you, you had left the party early to head home, but on the waythere, whatever you had drank started to kick in.
               -Your legsgave out right before you passed the doorway and he caught you just in time.Completely distraught, and carried you quickly to the couch. Tried to ask youwhat was wrong, but you couldn’t get the words out of your mouth, all it endedup sounding like was one large mumble. You seemed to struggle to move yourlimbs until you couldn’t anymore.
               -Immediatelycalled a doctor to make a house visit. He didn’t care how late it was, he’d paywhatever he had to, so long as he could find out what was happening to you. Andafter the doctors analysis, it was obvious that someone had tried to slip you aRohypnol without you realizing it, and he was glad he brought you home beforeanything else had happened.
               -Not only doeshe increase his security in general, but he assigns a specific body guard towatch your drinks the next time the two of you went out as well as one to stayclose by you at all times at said parties.
               -Stays nextto you the whole time, never sleeping until you’re able to come to. He blameshimself the whole time and cannot help but think of every possible scenariothat could have happened to you that night. He knows it isn’t your fault, buthe’s still just so worried about you. He’s never been more stressed.
               -Hepromises to take care of you better from then on. He would never let anyonehurt you again, no matter what it took. The two of you have to hold each otherin reassurance (obviously whenever you’re feeling alright and are okay with it,he understands that it’s a scary occurrence and realizes it’s quite possiblefor you to be jumpy and not want to be touched for a large amount of timeafterwards)
*SAEYOUNG:
               -You can’ttell me he doesn’t have various drugs he uses as weapons on missions, you justcan’t.
               -He tellsyou to stay out of the room where he keeps his equipment, but do you listen?Yeah usually
               -But youfelt bad that Vanderwood was the one who always had to clean everything, so youdecided you would help out and clean a few rooms! His equipment room being oneof them.
               -Now,Saeyoung is known to leave food around. Everywhere. And I mean, any type offood as well. Half empty chip bags, week old slices of pizza, a slice oflasagna you made three weeks ago- that’s disgusting Saeyoung.
               -So comingacross something that looks almost candy like isn’t really uncommon in yourhousehold. Though, whatever you just picked up and decided to throw in yourmouth was not… your best decision.
               -A whilelater, you managed to stumble into the room where Saeyoung was sitting, typingaway at his computer. You kept trying to talk but all your words stumbled andyou couldn’t think straight. You kept stumbling and felt your knees gettingweak. He looked over right as you fell to the ground and he’s never run over toyou faster in his life
               -Soconcerned, he kept asking what was wrong and watched you try to talk, but notonly was your mouth unable to move, your body went limp. He recognized thesymptoms immediately and called out to Vanderwood to come help the two of you
               -He laidyou in bed and got you some water and just tried to get you to sleep- there wasno other way to get it out of your system but wait it out
               -Vanderwoodcame in with a judgmental look on their face, “Did they really just takesome random thing they found? Why do you have these lying around, Seven?”
               -When youfinally came to, he was so relieved and was constantly apologizing before aswitch flipped and he started to scold you. What would possess you to just..eat something you found? What do you mean it looked like candy? He doesn’tleave food around! Okay.. yes he does.. but really, MC! Why were you in hisequipment room? W-why were you turning this around on him? He has that Rohypnolfor missions! You could just ask Vanderwood!
               -Vanderwoodadmits to slipping them to Seven sometimes when they’re done dealing with him,how rude.
*JIHYUN:
               -‘Jihyunwould never do drugs!’ -you, probably, at me. Me, at you, dear reader: ‘Rip thethought of it out of my cold, dead hands’
               -Sometimeshe just has to calm down, the poor dude has dealt with so much shit and justneeds a little help to clear his mind and the tobacco pipe just doesn’t alwayshelp.
               -Surprisinglylikes sour candy! So he gets some infused sour peach rings and they’re hisfavourites.
               -But heneglected to tell you that they were infused?? And that you probably shouldn’teat them?? Nor should you eat more than a few…
               -So when hecame home to find you laying on the floor, staring at the ceiling, trying tocount how many times the fan spun around, he figured pretty quickly that youhad gotten into his candy and he sighed
               -He laiddown next to you on the ground, watching the fan as well while he asked youwhat you had eaten to confirm his suspicions. When you told him you had somepeach rings, he couldn’t stop the soft laugh that came out afterwards
               -Totallyeats a few as well so the two of you can just relax and practically melt intothe floor
               -Youcouldn’t stop talking. Anything and everything that came to your mind came outof your mouth. It was slow and thought out, but still came out. Every word waslike heaven to his ears and he felt like he could just float along with yourvoice
               -The two ofyou just talk and speculate about the future, about the past, sometimes the twoof you come up with extremely odd (but funny) thoughts about the rest of yourfriends
               -You keptrunning your hand through his hair and kept telling him just how amazingly softit felt and he could just tell that you had way more than he had. He had toremember to lecture you not to eat every kind of candy you find.
               -Or… toat least not eat as much as you did. And definitely not do it alone
*SAERAN (or… Ray *insert the eye emoji here*):
               -“MC,here, I made this specially for you.”
               -In thebottle was a bright, blue, sweet smelling liquid. You didn’t know what it was,exactly, but it was obviously very odd.
               -You tookthe bottle. Ray hasn’t given you any sort of bad vibe or reason to not trusthim the whole time you’ve been here. Though, he kept telling you that steps hadto be taken to allow you to stay there, with him, for as long as you’d like.
               -“MC,”he started, gently wrapping his hand around your own that held the bottle,“Please. Don’t you trust me? I care about you a lot..” his voicedropped off as he looked from your eyes to the ground.
               -After adeep breath, you broke away from his grip to bring the bottle to your lips. Inone fluid motion, you let the sweet tasting liquid run down the back of yourthroat. It burned a bit going down, but immediately numbed afterwards.
               -You methis eyes, as his face lit up with joy. Eyes started to sparkle, and his smilegrew bigger than you’ve seen it the past few days
               -He tookyour hand in his, bringing it up to his lips to plant a small kiss on yourknuckles as he waited for the elixir to kick in. He watched, as you started tolightly shake and threw your hands to your head, holding it and squeezing youreyes shut.
               -Your headstarted to pound as the room began to spin. Your eyes started to wateruncontrollably and you couldn’t make sense of any of your surroundings. Soundsmixed together and seems to scream in your ears. Your breath hitched in yourthroat and you started to gasp for air.
               -Ray buriedhis hand into the hair at the back of your head, pulling you close to his chest
               -He placeda small kiss to the top of your head, smirking against your hair softly
               -“Youaren’t leaving me, MC.”
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