#i'm tired of feeling like some sort of moderator
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Probably I wouldn't be reporting so many porn-bots if they weren't messing with all the tags I like.
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hello hello, may i request a springtrap romantic concept (fnaf 3)? :3
Sure! Honestly, I'm surprised I've written him this much but haven't done a general concept yet.
Yandere! Springtrap Concept
Pairing: Romantic
Possible Trigger Warnings: Gender-Neutral Darling, Obsession, Sadism, Stalking, Manipulation, Violence/Murder, Kidnapping, Possessive behavior, Blood, Emotional manipulation, Threats, Slight gore, Forced "relationship".
It's already been established in all of my Springtrap and William fics that Springtrap is sadistic and ruthless.
During FNAF 3, Springtrap would see tormenting you as a game in his obsession.
By the time he meets you on Night 2 to Night 5, Springtrap sees you as his personal toy.
I'd say his obsession is a moderate speed.
He's technically obsessed once he meets you but his motives change.
Throughout your job he goes from trying to toy and maybe kill you... to wanting to keep you around as a twisted form of company.
Most of his obsession is him playing along with your audio cues.
He always gets so close before leaving you alone.
It's like he's playing/teasing, peeking through your window or from behind the door.
He loves to stare at you, silver eyes staring into your soul.
He craves your fear more than your blood being shed, as heard in one of his AR lines.
Don't get him wrong, he loves the sight of blood from his victims.
It's just farming their fear lasts longer.
Which is essentially what Springtrap is doing until the climax of his obsession.
He's just out of sight, climbing into vents and sitting by your window.
He likes it when you see him so he can watch the fear settle into your face.
When he's bold he'll warm up his raspy voice to speak to you.
Your initial shock at him speaking makes him thrive.
It's him setting down hints that he isn't what he seems.
He's no malfunctioning robot, he's something else.
Based on the smell you can guess.
Plus when you get a close up look at him through the window or doorway, you can see some sort of gunk clings around his metal.
It all makes you very nauseous.
Your little game is simple.
He tries to get in to "claim his prize", while you try to keep him out.
For the first few nights it's easy.
Then by Night 4 Springtrap gets more aggressive, his obsession creeping ever closer to a climax.
By Night 5 or 6, it's almost game over.
Springtrap thinks he's played nice long enough.
As he's watched you these past few nights... he's wanted to get his hands on you.
The idea of making you scream, to feel you in his metal claws, well...
He hasn't had such excitement in 30 years!
Just when you think you'll complete your week, that you'll walk out and leave, Springtrap surprises you.
Before you can do anything all your systems display an error.
You try your best to fend off hallucinations, to reboot your systems to put out and audio lure or seal off a vent.
Only for Springtrap to appear in front of you in the darkness.
He moves the monitors out of the way, a permanent grin on his face.
"Hello there, doll~!"
They way you scream makes him laugh.
Oh you're so cute when you're vulnerable!
He watches as you fall out of your chair, staring at him with big scared eyes.
"I loved our game... hope you wouldn't mind having it every night, dear?... or did you have something else in mind?"
Your game on your last night switches things up.
Instead of him coming to you in your office, it's you running through the attraction away from him.
It's agonizingly long... you're constantly darting in and out of vents and hiding behind walls.
Yet Springtrap knows your attempts at escape are futile.
Eventually you'll grow tired, eventually you may even injure yourself... then he'll strike.
He knows this place better than you.
You aren't the one roaming it every day and night in a bored stroll.
Which means only he knows about the secret backroom.
One he expertly corners you beside, just to push you inside and close the door.
The game is now over... he's won.
You're trapped in the roam, the smell of the rotting animatronic stunning you.
You look around, no other escape....
Where is this? A storage room?
"I've been waiting for this." The greenish rabbit hums, keeping you trapped in a corner.
"You see... you're just about the only company I've had in years. Decades, even."
You fear to ask, yet you try;
"Decades?"
"I've been dead for thirty years in complete agonizing silence. Dead yet living in this robotic shell. But honestly? I've never felt more alive!"
The rabbit laughs, standing over you.
"Now... I have long awaited company, doll. You'll be fun to play with. I think I'll have a lot of fun with you."
This becomes your fate.
You're forever meant to entertain the remains of the sick serial killer.
If he feels he has to, he'll make you immortal with him.
It'll be painful... but to him he thinks it'll be worth it.
That way... he can keep you with him forever as his doll, pet, and toy...
Even when the building burns down... you'll be stuck with him... forever his.
#yandere five nights at freddy's#yandere fnaf#yandere fnaf 3#yandere springtrap#yandere william afton
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・﹒・ i'm just a warp pipe away [2]
Summary: You were a human who ended up going to the Mushroom Kingdom through a warp pipe and discovered that falling in love is possible, just not with who you think
Warnings: None
Pairing: Movie!DK x human!GN!reader
Parts: 1 | 3
▶ The kingdom was beautiful, to say the least, as you exited the castle. The Mushroom Kingdom was unlike anything you've ever seen but Kong Kingdom was one with nature
▶ Then he brought you to what looked like a go-kart but extremely modded and custom, something that never could exist in your world
▶ The kart was big, it needed to fit DK, but it was stunning. Blue and orange stripes and it had one of those side-cars you've seen with motorcycles
▶ "I originally had this added so Diddy Kong could ride with me…you don't know who he is that's right…well it doesn't matter!" He didn't show Diddy Kong the side-car yet so he wanted you to test it out first
▶ Getting in, he made sure you were in snuggly and safe before getting in himself
▶ Then he went at a moderate speed as he took through the kingdom, the sight of the village below took your breath away, noting how they are all huts above water with wooden paths
▶ You slightly stood up and gripped the front of the car as you watched the citizens live their daily life
▶ "You like it?" He had a smug face as you looked back at him, seeing as his expression softened
▶ "It's so beautiful….you must love nature huh?"
▶ DK claimed he never particularly care for nature as its his way of life, but you could tell he didn't like urbanism as he went on to gush about how much he loved his home
▶ Sure, it could be the fact that he's very prideful about his origins, but you suspect that he had a passion for the environment around him
▶As you rode into the village, you could see all the monkeys staring at you, waving and saying hello to DK in the process. They definitely were curious about you, another human from the Mushroom Kingdom
▶ DK said that Peach has visited a few times to establish ties and keep the two kingdoms in good spirits, but she wasn't seen by many
▶ After going through the kingdom, he veered off onto an unbeaten path before parking and getting out
▶ "Come on, I wanna show you something" he held his hand out as you stepped out and grasped it
▶ But you didn't let go- or rather he didn't want to you and gripped on tight as he hauled you into his arms, causing your face to feel extremely hot and eyes wide
▶ He said that since there aren't humans that ever use this path, its not fit for you and he doesn't want you to be in any danger
▶ With one arm, he held you, and the other he trekked on using it for support
▶ His fur was surprisingly soft, despite the heat- or because of the heat making you tired- you couldn't help but snuggle into him
▶ You didn't know when you fell asleep, but you woke up by DK shaking you and telling you to open your eyes
▶ So you did, and what you saw was even more beautiful than the kingdom himself
▶ It was sunset, on a cliff looking over at the ocean below. You were in a clearing of the trees and there were some yellow flowers around in bunches
▶ "This is absolutely gorgeous…"
▶ "Yeah, you are"
▶ "What?"
▶ He stumbled over his words and stuttering, claiming he said that IT was gorgeous and not you, but you heard what he said first
▶ You smiled as you stared into the horizon, wishing you had your phone or some sort of camera to capture the view
▶ You felt DK stand beside you, looking at you instead of what's ahead, but you were too focused on the beauty of this world. Where you came from had its pretty places, but nothing could beat all you've seen since coming here
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Happy 1st anniversary once more!!!! 🎉🔮🥳
(Why did I think I already sent something to request but I didn’t?) 🫠 haha here it is!
With Tommy (surprise you can choose) and this prompt: "I swear, I did not mean for this to happen."
A different sort of man
Thank you Mar 🖤🖤🖤🖤
(Tommy x Eva, Tommy x Grace)
To clarify, Canon!Tommy and Eva's!Tommy accidentally change places because someone made the mistake of giving Eva a spellbook.
(I'm probably gonna get some grace stans bitching about it, but if they want to start shit, well... 😈)
Gif by @teenwolf-theoriginals
"I swear, I did not mean for this to happen."
He wakes up feeling drunk, well, more like he’s been drinking enough to kill a horse and being trampled by said horse.
Eva had tried her hand at magic, gotten a spell book as a gift from a relative. Last night, they had been drinking ---in moderation--- and his wife had gotten it in her head to try out any spell in it.
Just to see what happens.
He wakes up sick as a dog and throws up on the rug at his feet.
“You shouldn’t have tried matching Arthur drink for drink, Thomas.” An Irish ---falsely Irish voice--- said softly with a familiarity that would have Eva pouncing like a jungle cat with a knife in hand.
Eva hated Grace, an instant loathing that he has only seen a handful of times.
How Grace got into his bed, is a mystery on the same list as to why Eva’s things aren’t here.
Fuck.
If he had fucked Grace, Eva will kill him and he would let her.
Tommy has too much at stake to risk it all with someone who crafted a persona for everyone she met.
To him and the people of Small Heath, she had been the rich girl from Galway with an accent as phony as she was, to her peers she was as English as they were.
“What are you doing here, in my bed, in my house?” he asked, tired of her acting like they are in love.
“Tommy, are you having another night terror?” She asked and reached to hold him like Eva does and he moves away and grabs the gun he keeps on the top drawer of his side dresser.
“It’s me, Grace, your wife. We got married a month ago, we have a baby together.” Grace Burgess said as she held up her hands and cried softly because somehow the lies she spouted appeared to be the truth.
"I swear, I did not mean for this to happen."
The woman apologized as she took care of him with a familiarity even his wife would be jealous of.
Had he gotten bored of Grace so easily that he climbed into a guest’s bed instead of hers?
Tommy loved Grace, sure it wasn’t the sort of thing he felt with Greta nor what he felt in 1919, but she was his wife and the mother of his child.
He doesn’t think himself the type of man to get bored of a woman this soon into a marriage, he had estimated maybe a year for him to try and go find another barmaid, secretary or working girl.
But Thomas, much like the father he loathes, had a weakness for beautiful women.
Fuck.
Tommy Shelby looks around and is shocked to see that this was his room, different and yet similar.
Books in a language he cannot decipher, decorations with rather gothic features, a photograph of him kissing said woman on their wedding day and another of them holding an infant boy who is not Charles.
There is no sign of Grace’s things, just some belonging to a wholly different sort of woman.
Where Grace had been blonde and blue eyed, this woman was dark haired and dark eyed. Both were beauties, but Grace was cool to the point of being accused of being unfeeling, this woman had mysterious warmth that told him she was a witch.
“Who are you? Where am I?” he asks aiming the gun he always keeps on his side dresser at the woman.
“I am Eva, I am your wife, but I have a feeling you are not the same Tommy I am married to.” The witch woman said calmly, seemingly unfazed by his gun.
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i'm a woman with substance use disorder. i didn't get sober through some grand noble journey to Get Better (not that there's a single thing wrong with that!). how i got sober differed depending on the substance. one medication, for a long time i kept stringing psychiatrists along and eventually was unable to keep getting my prescription, and i was going through a string of moves so i was unable to get it off the street, so getting off it wasn't really a choice (i do have one dose left though, i hold onto it just to feel like i have the option to use it if i need). another medication, i still have a prescription for but the comedown was getting so brutal that i just couldn't handle it anymore, so i don't often get the urge to use it because i know what fresh hell is waiting for me on the other side. i did used to have a daily weed use habit, but as i got older i my allergy to it randomly got worse so i had to stop that too. drinking i still struggle with, i binge every single time, but tbh nowadays i'm too lazy to keep up on my stock so the problem is more under control. all this to say, i guess my advice is to try to make it as inconvenient as possible to use, for me that's a big deterrent. you could also try to allow yourself use but on a very strict schedule, like only on a certain day(s) or only x number of times a week. PLEASE remember to ask yourself H.A.L.T. (are you Hungry? Angry? Lonely? Tired?), it helped me address some of the underlying causes of my use which helped me reduce it. i've heard people who swear up and down by AA or NA or groups like that. they have a big religion component and the men there can be scummy but having that support and a social group can make a world of difference, for me it was a general group therapy group. i do also think there's something that can happen to addicts where we can become addicted to being sad/suffering, like there's an edginess to it that makes you feel smarter and cooler and more honest than everyone else, like no one else Gets the Depth Of Being Human and they're all naive and etc. no one likes to talk about it but it's true, and acknowledging that i was in love with being at my lowest really called me out on my own shit. i'm keeping you in my thoughts and wishing you the absolute best luck, it'll suck so hard but it's 1000% worth it <333 ily
oh my god thank you so much this actually already helps a lot! and yeah there is such an identity component to drug use many dont talk about… its true. i mean my therapist will help me to get in some sort of program so i really do have access to resources and shit and i think going to a clinic is not the issue but life after… i have tried going sober several times and always had some sort of yoyo effect basically. i also dont just struggle with substances but other addictions and lack of impulse control too. and ive tried doing it in moderation but it never works out longterm. the HALT tip is actually gold, thank you thank you thank you for sharing and your advice and your kind words it means a lot! 🩷
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OK, I was a good girl and I did some move prep stuff today; gonna try and squeeze in a bit more of Rakha's playthrough this afternoon. c:
Good news right off the bat - Rakha wakes up after the party and discovers she DIDN'T KILL ANYONE. \o/ Fantastic. Lae'zel is VERY tired after staying up all night keeping guard on her because she didn't want to let Wyll take a shift, but it didn't turn out to be necessary at all; Rakha slept like a rock.
And she did dream of Wyll, indeed. She dreamed of all the other usual things too - images of blood and death and gore - but occasionally a calmer image mixed in, just flashes of their conversation on the beach. And it was enough, for once, for her to sleep moderately soundly.
The next morning, Halsin has a big old reality check for everyone, of course - they have a lot more work ahead.
"I trust you enjoyed your evening? After all your efforts, it was well deserved. It may be some time before you are afforded another such night. There is much to be done, and I promised I would help you however I could. I'm certain a cure for you can be found at Moonrise Towers, but it's... complicated. The journey, specifically - it's extremely perilous. Though it seems you're well-accustomed to navigating danger."
"To Moonrise Towers, then," Wyll puts in earnestly at her side. "May the sun and stars guide us."
Rakha shoots him a look sidelong. The knowledge of their conversation last night is still hanging between them - a new bond forged with halting, fumbling words - and she feels a strange flicker of something like embarrassment. But he just looks back at her steadily, a light smile playing around his lips. So she just nods slowly and answers Halsin in her usual clipped manner, trying to focus on the task ahead.
"Moonrise Towers it is, then. I'd better make haste."
"Wait," Halsin says grimly. "There's more you need to know."
Rakha focuses attentively at once. Halsin does not know everything, certainly, but he is very free with the information he does have, something Rakha is rapidly coming to respect him for.
"To get to the Towers," he goes on, "you'll need to pass through a terrible place. A cursed place. This curse shrouds everything in shadow - you will not find life, light, or anything natural there. Any who linger are twisted by the curse; they become shadow beings - tormented, dangerous souls."
A disconcerted silence falls over the group. Rakha scowls pensively. "The Absolute's forces can tolerate such a place?"
Halsin shrugs. "So it seems - though I don't know how. You will have to choose your approach carefully."
He goes on to describe two paths - an overland route through the mountains, and another through a place called the Underdark, which Rakha gathers is some sort of underground tunnel network. He also mentions that this Underdark route is the location of a stronghold that once belonged to a man named Ketheric Thorm - a Shar worshiper, like Shadowheart.
He recommends the Underdark path - and moreover, he wants to come with her.
"I helped overthrow Ketheric Thorm and his Dark Justiciars years ago," he explains gravely. "But I failed to prevent him from unleashing darkness across the region before he was defeated. I spent years researching the curse, trying to put an end to it. Nothing has worked - yet. If I can join you and get close to Moonrise, perhaps I can lift this curse, same as you may find a cure for your infection."
She nods. She knows nothing of this curse - and little more of the Shar worshipers who were apparently behind it, beyond what little Shadowheart has told her. Her aim is to reach Moonrise and exact revenge for the chaos she and her companions have been put through.
But she does not mind Halsin's company. Like all those she most respects, he answers her questions in plain terms and is free with what information he has. And she is curious about his bear transformation - which he described almost as she describes the beast in her head, something violent within him over which he does not have complete control.
As for the journey itself...
It will keep. They still have other priorities before Moonrise. The githyanki creche is the first order of business - Lae'zel has said from the beginning that it was the only true solution to their infection, and regardless of Halsin's (or the Guardian's) assertions, Rakha still firmly believes her. Karlach, too, has unfinished business - the "Paladins" that chased her from the Hells.
When all that is done, and the worms are gone from their heads... the Underdark sounds promising. As Halsin describes it, it bypasses more of this "curse" that lines the land around Moonrise. And Shadowheart will know things of this Sharran stronghold, even if no Sharrans still linger there.
It's a plan - as straightforward as they come, like all her plans. One step after the next until she can wrap her fingers around the throats of those who have put her in this situation, and demand of them who she is.
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Episode 10! This one took me a while. I got distracted by all sorts of things.
The stage mechanic is a pain in the butt!! Even having had pre-prep with it from CC events, it is depressingly common for the artillery to switch targeting at the last minute because you missed one enemy in the pile of guys coming at you.
This little scrimblo is the face of evil. Cause of many leaks. If you're kind of sleepy or out of it or tired after a long day of work the Second Defense Artillery mechanic turns into a slot machine that sometimes just kills your clear for no apparent reason (you forgot that this character had 1 higher block than this other one)
Story thoughts and unmarked spoilers after the cut!
I'm slow to get to Act 2 of the Arknights story. Over the time I've seen people in various fan communities talk about how they don't like it, how it feels slow to them, or how they think all the Sarkaz are irredeemable bastards. Well now with episode 10 I'm into it proper and while I see the complaints I like the story!
I like reading academic works about military history and the history of genocides now and again, so, I'm definitely not the 'normal' audience. But the Kazdel Military Comission is very familiar and 'realistic'.
Theresis and his bros. There's not many...
First off it doesn't have the support of all, or even necessarily most Sarkaz. There's the Confessarius, a small secretive organization that's hung around the crown like ivy; the Sanguinarch of Vampires and the Nachzehrer king, two absolute freak monsters; the Damazti Cluster, who's just One Slime. Certainly Theresis has a lot of soldiers; but of the political leaders that make up Sarkaz politics, he essentially has the trust only of the most violently extreme half of things.
Theresis's plan seems to be to simultaneously wage war on the nations of Terra, to restore Sarkaz glory or at least give teeth to their anger at constantly being persecuted. And man I don't think that's gonna work out very well for you! But the nature of the KMC and its job brutally occupying Londinium will drive away any moderates on its own. The KMC is radicalizing itself, from an attempt at governing Kazdel to what is functionally a murder cult, focused on just killing the highest number of non-sarkaz possible.
It's not a happy story! And not one that, I think, is going to be 'fixed' by Amiya doing some cool sword magic. Victoria is on a fast track to becoming a failed state, and that's not going to be good for anyone around.
Character thoughts! Blunted by having taken months and months to finish this.
-Misery, it's cool to see another RI elite and this one's kinda, shifty? Behavior, is fun. Not a pillar of gung-ho courage, but he Gets The Job Done.
-Mandragora, poor little meowmew. I do wonder if she'll turn out to have survived, I do feel some sympathy for her after the chapter was her getting kicked in the face repeatedly as everything goes wrong and her one friend dies
-Manfred, this is the kinda guy who goes on trial at the Hague, but he's actually trying to like, run a country, so he ends up being one of the more reasonable KMC people. Yikes!
-Damazti was very fun, their curiosity in meeting the Eartha crew is neat. Look forward to seeing more of the tricky slime.
Closure is a great addition to this chapter, because you have the KMC and all the problems Sarkaz are causing and then RI sends in their Sarkaz and she looks like this:
How could anyone hate that face.
Rita is another favorite from this chapter because she is just Not Having A Good Time, and it seems to only be getting worse. Is she coping healthily? Not really!
I think the Glasgow gang wasn't much of a draw. They're dancing around it, but it doesn't really seem like Vina wants to go kickstart the Victorian monarchy again, nor does the game seem to think that would fix things. So they end up kind of spinning their wheels, as the lion gets poked and prodded towards a thing she doesn't want to do.
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- PAC- What will happen for you this weekend ? - Weekly reading
This is a weekly reading about what will happen in the next few days. Remember to disregard anything that doesn't feel like it applies to you. This is a general reading, and might only be relatable to a selected few.
Pile 1 ( Green forest)
You have let ayour ego lead the way for quite some time, now.. This is coming to an end in the near future, as you will feel like it either doesn't suit you or it doesn't align with your values anymore. Fall from grace. You will be asked to re evaluate your choices and your life path. Have you been going in the right direction, pile 1 ? It doesn't seem like it... Something will happen that will make you feel so confused and so lost. You will feel the need to make a decision, but let's be honest : you're overwhelmed. I'm not sure what will happen, but it will definetely make you feel like you need to do a 180. Nothing dramatic, do not worry. Just kind of a warning that you were maybe not headed in the right direction to begin with. Someone will come to help you sort it out and although you will feel kind of ashamed, please accept that people's offering wether it be energy, time or money. Just make sure that that person has the best intentions and not a hidden agenda. Trust your intuition. Get your sh*t together.
Possible placements : Midheaven in Capricorn, Capricorn Mars, Virgo sun, Taurus moon, Aquarius placements
Pile 2 (Gold waves)
There has been conflict in your life in the past few days (months?)... You have felt drained, tired, conflicted, unmotivated and ... sad. I'm not sure if you're the one starting the conflict, but I'm feeling like you're in the middle of it and it's not like you wanna take a side, you just want it to stop. Once and for all. You're tired. Exhausted. In the near future, you will feel like your whole world will come crumbling down, but don't worry. An end always means a new beginning. You will be asked to behave moderately whatever that may mean. Remember that. Keep things lowkey. Chill. Your life might feel like a storm right now, but do not succumb to the chaos as it will bring nothing good. Remember to not dwell in your misery, something good is coming for you if you can change your perspective on the situation. Which I feel like your perspective is going to change regardless, because of something that'll happen in the near future. Keep an eye out.
Possible placements : Leo rising/mercury/venus, Taurus moon, Aries midheaven/rising/mars/moon
Pile 3 ( Pink flowers)
You have been struggling with anxiety for quite some time now... Hard to sleep these days? Do you feel okay in the day and then at night, the anxiety creeps up? Bad memories? I'm sensing despair... isolation. Fear. Are you okay? You've been really reliant on yourself for the past couple of months and juggling many things at once. When was the last time you asked for help? When was the last time you took some time for yourself ? Really. I don't mean just buying an eye cream and calling it self care. I mean putting your needs in front of everyone else's. It feels like you've been through some rough times. I'm sensing that you will find a community of people, soon enough. Feminine. Whatever this might mean to you. Lots of joy coming out of that. 333. Do not lose hope, I'm begging you. Lean on other people. Learn to trust again.
I'm not sensing any placements for this pile, unfortunately. :(
Themes for all piles :
Completion
180
Coming of terms
Acceptance
Harmony
-------
This was quite short, hope it resonated at least a little bit. Do not hesitate to ask me questions or things you have not understood.
dolly x.
#pick a pile#tarot#tarot reading#tarotblr#pick a card#tarot spreads#free tarot reading#tarotcommunity#free tarot#divination#tarot reader#tarotscope#tarotart#tarot cards#tarot deck
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tried out buying cooked dinners for a few nights this week, and I have to say, when I'm climbing home completely depleted at 9pm, the knowledge of there being a meal waiting in the fridge feels really fucking good.
I was sort of hoping the memory of that might motivate me to do some meal prep on the weekends perhaps, because although I have been thinking about it I know I can also do literally anything else on a Sunday afternoon than stand in the kitchen for 4 hours lol. tbh that prospect just sounds straightforwardly dreadful though, I really don't see myself doing it
but also. there is real noticeable value in the pure novelty of something I didn't make. although I did read the menu previously I retain only a vague memory and still don't actually know what it will be like. whereas if I meal prep I will probably be doing literal leftovers a bunch of the time, and coming up with genuinely new ideas is a lot of overhead, and honestly even just from spending all that time on it with the smells and perhaps tasting it I'm already moderately tired of it by the time it hits the table. not experiencing that is refreshing
#m#cooking for yourself really is just bullshit#I might just adopt this long term if I can figure out whether it causes a satisfactory reduction in like grocery costs#unfortunately dinner might just be my cheapest meal when I cook lol#mostly because I get 35% off on healthy grocery purchases#potentially could get that up to 50% based on some recent changes to their offering
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idk i think forcing systems to share an account is borderline ableist. like yeah we share a body but we are our own people. pretty much everyone in my system has their own tumblrs and their own accounts on a lot of things. only one of our alters has their own FR account because we're too scared to go any further than that. But personally I'm tired of logging on and seeing that a bunch of dragons I was saving got exalted or sold to make room for other alters' dragons because 80 slots is not enough for 20 people. really really really wish actual staff would address this issue instead of moderators. mousemod please i know you look at this blog can we PLEASE get some sort of official dev word on this. I thought about sending in a support ticket but I'm so afraid that if I do our shared account and the one alter's account will get banned even if we don't mention that one of us has already made their own account because of the shared IP. We don't even send anything to his account and he only touches the account once every couple of weeks when he's fronting. But still we're nervous about it. Like seriously this feels like something the actual devs should address. I'd ask one of my singlet friends that I know doesn't have anyone who shares an IP with them to send in a support ticket for me but I don't want them to somehow get wrapped up in this
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hi! so i was wondering a couple of trauma-related things.
tws for: bullying, dissociation, educational trauma, medical trauma, burnout, self-esteem issues, self-harm/suicidal ideation, long ask (i don't know the importance of these so i'm listing them just in case)
so i've had some things happening to me recently, and in total, and i was wondering about what your perception of them might be, just because i'd like outside perspective.
cyber-bullying: when i was younger, during the pandemic, i was still in school. i played minecraft with my friends a lot on a server. one of the guys on the server, let's call him v, joined after the rest of us. i wasn't very good at minecraft, and as the only girl i was sometimes teased. after v joined he started doing things that were upsetting and i told him not to. for instance, he'd lure me to "help him with mining", then kill my character and make me lose progress. he'd chase me around and hit me with swords (in game). the worst experience i had with him was when he trapped my character in a room i couldn't escape, and just hit me over and over and didn't let me leave. when i brought it up to the server moderator he was reluctant to do anything, and the other guys there weren't very supportive. eventually, i got my parents to intervene, and i don't play minecraft with v (or on servers in general) anymore. my question: was this cyberbullying? am i right to still be sensitive about it?
medical trauma: i was diagnosed with a type of chronic headaches about a year and a half ago. every day, all day, my head would hurt. eventually, i got treatment, by process of routine procedures and an eventual semi-surgery/procedure requiring anesthesia. however, i sometimes/often get headaches nowadays, and i have a tendency to think my head hurts a lot. my question: would this be a trauma response to my previous headaches (ie, misconstruing/exaggerating/overreacting to small headaches)?
education trauma/dissociation/burnout: i am currently in high school, which i am having an awful time with. i used to have fun in school, and i like learning, but my highschool is very large. i have asd and issues with executive dysfunction, so i'm tired all the time after socializing at school. i have trouble focusing, and often feel very bad about not getting homework done. i am currently in a constant state of exhaustion, feeling like crying all the time. i've also noticed recently that when i'm at school i kind of check out, just stop being in myself per se, try to do something like reading that takes me away, and am sort of in a fugue state. my question: does this seem like dissociation? do you have suggestions for me to fix it?
self-esteem issues: i have issues with self-esteem where i have excessive guilt and respond to any criticism with self-hatred and beating myself up. there's a little voice in my head that tells me i'm awful, i have guilt attacks where i feel like stabbing or cutting myself. my question: do these things seem like they could be a symptom of trauma, or more of just rsd or something else?
thanks so much for consideration :) sorry the ask is so long
-anon ida
Hi Ida! Ill try to answer as best as I can but just remember I am not a mental health professional!
Cyberbully: I would def consider it cyber bullying, mainly because he was taunting you and just personally harassing you. even if its in-game, its still really annoying to have someone constantly chase after you, kill your character and lose progress, to me thats harassment.
Medical trauma: Im not very experienced in medical trauma, but I did get severe neck pain back in 2019/2020 and the pain was horrendous, i wasnt able to do anything, and when i get pain in my neck i get super anxious. It might not be medical trauma towards ur headaches, but it could be a panic disorder, like maybe you're in fear of the pain?
education trauma/dissociation/burnout: this one im not too sure, to me it sounds more like burn out, it could be a bunch of things honestly! it could be burn out, it could lack of vitamins, it could be a list of things
self esteem issues: i have similar issues, I think the same things about myself. I cant say for certain if it's trauma, if it's thing youve heard others say to you, it could be a series of things. it could be social anxiety, it could be depression, etc.
It's definitely best to get a professional psychologist, therapist, doctor, etc to give you proper advice and information! It's a little hard for me to answer since I don't know you personally and I also am not a trained mental health professional but thank you for the ask and I hope things turn around for you!
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I know how much you love this man so here you go! Could you do Overwatch Junkrat concept?
YES. HIM! Here's the pure brainrot :) Not entirely edited so I am sorry about spelling errors!
Yandere! Junkrat/Jamison FawkesConcept
Pairing: Romantic
Possible Trigger Warnings: Gender-Neutral Darling, Obsession, Stalking, Kidnapping, Manipulation, Clingy behavior, Jealousy, Isolation, Violence/Murder, Forced relationship.
Junkrat is such a chaotic fellow.
Jamison is very passionate and clingy when it comes to you.
There's times the Junker even gets out of hand.
He's a dangerous yandere due to his unpredictability and affinity with destruction.
He can set up traps and even has Roadhog to help him out if he can't obtain you on his own.
I'm on the edge when it comes to his obsession speed.
I want to say overall it's moderate -> fast.
He quickly fixates on you yet also can't quite figure out the feeling at first.
When he sees you/is around you he feels something similar to an adrenaline kick.
It's a similar excitement to heist or trying a new bomb.
He can't quite pin point why he feels this way around you.
Yet eventually he figures it out.
Jamison is certainly one to be overbearing and clingy.
When he realizes he feels fantastic around you he never wants to leave.
Roadhog/Mako no doubt has to hear Jamison ramble dreamily about you.
He can tell his friend/partner in crime is in love even if he doesn't know it.
It's obvious when only praise comes from his mouth about you.
Jamison would follow you around just to recreate the excited feeling inside him.
You may question it but he simply says he admires you.
That or he does it in secret and out of sight.
Junkrat is rather problematic when jealous.
If he doesn't like someone around you, he'll make that known.
He'll groan and grumble around you, often trying to wrap his arms around you.
He'll insert himself into conversations just so the attention is no longer directed away from him.
He'll only be calmer when you're away from others.
In terms of if he'd kill for you... I can see it.
It's easy for him to construct a bomb small enough to kill yet cause minor destruction.
He'd rather their death be flashy and eye-catching though... he can do both.
That or he calls Roadhog for help.
Junkrat can only be sneaky for so long.
Stealth hasn't ever been his strongest skill.
So Jamison will quickly go from 0 to 60 when it comes to his obsession.
Soon he's going to get tired of watching and waiting, much quicker than most yanderes.
Even Roadhog's obsession is slower than Junkrat when it comes to when they'll take action.
Give Junkrat a month or two, he quickly wants you and him to be beside one another.
When he wants you he's rather... flashy with abduction.
If Roadhog doesn't help him, Junkrat would want to use a couple small explosives while abducting you.
He adores any sort of attention.
If Mako helped him then Jamison is much quieter with abduction.
You could probably consider Roadhog supportive of Junkrat's obsession.
If catching you makes Junkrat happy then anything after that isn't his business.
Say this takes place after Jamison does all his heists with Roadhog.
Maybe the two of them have a base of some sorts.
Once Jamison has you he is adamant in keeping you with him and Roadhog.
Roadhog acts like some sort of guard at times.
Meanwhile Jamison gets to work on traps to keep you in.
You'll have a room that's for the most part safe... outside of that is bear traps and similar things.
One step outside and you could get seriously hurt.
You may be scared and isolated, but Jamison is over the moon.
In terms of affection Junkrat is passionate and intense.
He will drag you to a bed and curl around you, arms tightly wrapped around you.
He'd probably be the type to nuzzle into you, be it your neck, chest, hair, etc.
Even when you're no laying down he'll pull you into his lap or hug you while standing.
He seems like if he loved someone he'd be such a love bug.
Which would normally be cute... if not for the situation.
His affectionate and passionate hold on you, along with the kisses he peppers you with, make you uneasy.
He means well when he kisses your lips and mutters ramblings about you.
Yet you're still scared.
Especially with Roadhog... the constant threat of his friend harming you if you don't give in looms over you.
I said this in my Junkenstein concept but Junkrat may also be the type to building gifts for you.
He's skilled in tinkering, he could bend a piece of metal in a certain way to give to you.
He prefers to make bombs... but giving you that is just a horrible idea.
Jamison would definitely ramble about stories and experiences he's had to impress you.
In fact he does a lot of rambling.
He just loves to talk to you and hold you.
He just wants to love you forever and ever.
Jamison overall is incredibly passionate, clingy, overbearing, and unpredictable as a yandere.
He loves you so much and would do anything to have you...
What's wrong with stealing one more treasure, especially if it's the person he loves?
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i'm sort of enjoying the influx of new people, but feel like there are a few tips i've seen left out of many welcome-to-tungle posts, so:
unlike most platforms, it's hard to tell who's following you on tumblr! if you have even a moderate amount of activity, it's super easy to miss the notification, and the only other way to tell if someone is following you is to go manually search your followers. sometimes this is a blessing, sometimes this is a curse. (mostly a blessing, tho.)
if you're a writer or a podcaster or an artist or whatever, put that info somewhere obvious! put it in your header, even if it's just "i wrote this thing!" i know you make cool stuff, but some of y'all're making it real hard for people to find out that you make cool stuff.
embrace tags as commentary. if you're adding substantive content to the post, sure, add it to the post, i guess. if it's a post about what you have for breakfast, though, or a meme about which [whatever] are you, just throw it in the tags.
if someone added stuff to a post that you don't agree with, or that isn't adding anything to the post, it's fine to fish around in the notes to find a version that doesn't have that addition.
back to tags. i literally can't overstate how much we love tags here. metacommentary on the post? throwaway comments? vaguely related anecdote? put it in the tags! tags are so much a part of tumblr's conversations that the options for filtering reblog notifications are "reblogs with comment" and "reblogs without comment"—and if you select "reblogs with comment", you'll still get the ones that have had tags added.
side note that you can filter your activity feed, which is where you can see how people are interacting with your posts. i personally try not to engage with mine—not my business—but if you want to look at a specific thing, like who's followed you recently, or replies on your posts, hit the little filter button above the feed and you can be very specific about the types of activity that you want to see.
nope, sorry, i'm still talking about tags. bonus to embracing tags as commentary: you can say whatever weird shit you want! tags are delightfully ephemeral. you want to search the tags? best of luck! you probably cannot. choose to view this as a feature, not a bug.
sometimes your tags pass peer review, as we say, and someone will screenshot or copy them and add them to the post. this is a compliment.
the queue function is the unsung hero of this website. are you posting in real time? are you posting from a queue? are you mixing it up and doing both at once? who can say? congrats, you're ✨mysterious✨!
another important function of the queue is that helps you make *your* blorbos into *our* blorbos. twenty-seven untagged posts about your new hyperfixation in two hours is the soul killer, the thing that makes your followers super tired of even hearing about it. the exact same twenty-seven untagged posts spread out over the course of a day, though, scattered among other posts like seeds on the wind, are somehow charming—compelling, even. wow, that sad wet cat of a man *does* seem awfully sad. i wonder what terrible thing has happened to him!
anyhow, these aren't rules and i'm not the boss of you, but if you were looking for unsolicited advice from a gremlin who's been on tumblr for way, way too long, now you have it.
#tumblr#twitter migration#twitter#i honestly feel like i didn't say enough about tags in this#but i'm trying to be normal about stuff
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Daisy Jones & The Six - First impressions
I'm still sick in bed, so I just watched the first three episodes of Daisy Jones & The Six in one go. I'm also cranky and tired and bored, so here have some unfiltered opinions.
Overall, it's a fun watch, very entertaining, beautifully filmed with great production design and set dressing, some intriguing performances (Camila Morrone, who would've thought?), and way-better-than-expected original music. It's also a very safe show. Now, I haven't read the book, so I don't know if the show merely works with what's on the page or if they toned things down considerably, but everything here seems so carefully designed to not offend anyone. Every once in a while the show will gesture towards issues like drug abuse/addiction, racism, or the absolutely rampant sexism and misogyny of the Rock'n'Roll & Groupie culture of the era, but every time they're getting close to actually saying something about it, they back down again.
The thing is, I can't even really focus on the actual contents of the show because I'm so hung up on some of the visual aspects of it (also I'm on a lot of antibiotics and pain medication right now, so you know, please feel free to disregard anything I'm saying here). I said this back when I saw the first teaser for this, and having watched three episodes now, I maintain that everybody here looks too clean, too healthy, too put together--especially for people who are supposed to be drunk/high 24/7--and everybody's teeth and hair are just way too nice. Well, except for when they put certain actors in wigs... and then it's even worse. Like, really Amazon? ALL that money and you couldn't find Timothy Olyphant a wig that doesn't look like glued-together shavings of an old Chewbacca costume?
Also, and I'm very sorry but it needs to be said, Sam Claflin is all kinds of wrong for the role of Billy and should've never been cast in it. For one thing, he's visibly too old for the part; at one point, he's supposed to be around 21 years old, I think? Sam Claflin is a very handsome man, but he cannot pass as a guy that only *just* left his teenage years behind. And that's not on him. I like Claflin and I don't fault him for wanting to take this part (which actor wouldn't?), but I don't understand how seemingly no one with any pull in this multi-million dollar production looked at that casting choice and said "Uhm, guys? Maybe we should reconsider?" There are other problems with the performance, but I'm not here to bash one actor, especially one that I've generally enjoyed watching in other parts.
However, I think the even bigger problem is that I don't get the character of Billy at all, or more specifically, why everyone thinks that this guy of all people is some sort of hypermagnetic, genius Jim Morrison/Lindsey Buckingham hybrid? Because what I've seen so far looks more like a moderately ambitious, moderately talented guy who's simply in over his head and doesn't really care either way whether he makes it as a big Rock'n'Roll Star or not. Where's the drive? Where's the fire? I don't see it, which is kind of a problem when your whole show hinges on your two main characters being charisma machines that the audience is supposed to be absolutely enthralled by.
I would be really interested to know what people who have read the book think of this adaptation. Is it successful and true to the text? Am I'm just wildly off the mark here? Is it good, bad, or just okay? And most importantly, should I read this book?
Ok, going back to sleep now.
#daisy jones & the six#daisy jones and the six#tv ramblings#sorry forgot the 'keep reading' thing at first. there are no spoilers here but still
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What Happens in Wonderland, Remains
Character x female reader
A/N: I'm trying to upload all the chapters I have written so far. As well as the newest chapter. Though I'll be posting it on Ao3 first. As this is cross posted. I hope you have enjoyed reading thus far. 💖
Chapter Thirteen
Leona had told you that until you found a place you liked, you were welcome to stay with him. Ruggie explained at breakfast that he often came over in the mornings to make sure Leona was up and made him breakfast before he heads out to practice. Ruggie invited you out to come with them, but you decided it would probably be best if you weren’t seen with Leona so soon. At least until the gossip died down.
So you were on Leona’s computer with his – with permission – trying to search for places you liked. Leona told you he didn’t care how much it cost as long as you liked it. You knew he had a very carefree view about money. Unfortunately, you weren’t like that. You didn’t want the most expensive things in life. You would be happy with a modest living space, and if you could get in touch with Grim, you knew you could probably be able to find some work. You just had a feeling. Plus, you missed your small cat-like companion you had for years.
Though if it was true, and Grim was with Malleus, you wondered why Grim would agree to stay with him? Did Malleus offer him a ton of tuna? You could see him following for a scheme like that. You sighed as you typed in another realtor site. Some you had already found you thought were great until you saw the location. You didn’t want to have to rely on anyone, if you could find something you could use public transportation or even walk it would be ideal.
You leaned back in the chair as you ran a hand over your face. It then dawned on you that you might be more in the spotlight now, with the gossip spreading. Though Leona seemed sure that it would disappear. You wouldn’t be surprised if the royal family had a lawyer already on it to stop the slander and accusations. Though you were sure it was the same with Vil, even though it was probably handled under his PR manager. You were sure Vil wasn’t pleased since it would be easier to quell the questions with yes you were his fiancée. Unfortunately, it wasn’t that easy. You stared at the screen as you saw the thumbnails with several potential apartments.
You glanced at the time and noticed it’d been almost two hours since Ruggie and Leona had left. You pondered how long his spell drive practices lasted. You shook your head, no, you were getting distracted by everything going on in your life, and you needed to focus on this before you sorted out all this information.
You went back to the task at hand and opened the ones you liked in separate tabs. After twenty more minutes passing, you had ten potential places you wanted to go look at. They were moderately priced, and you were sure if you began working, you could easily afford to stay there. It was a lot to consider, though surely there were jobs in this world that non-magic users could obtain. So even without Grim, even though you would love to have him as your partner again, you would be able to survive here. Just like when you first arrived, there was no guarantee you would easily be able to return, especially since you appeared at an entirely different location this time.
You were concerned about the possibility of not being able to return. You felt tired just thinking about it. You were kind of hungry, too. You stood up from the computer desk and stretched before walking out of the office and toward the kitchen. Surely Leona had something in here you could throw together and cook. Searching through the pantry and fridge, you found something that sounded delicious to you. You found a hair tie and pulled your hair up into a ponytail and washed your hands before you began to cook.
The ingredients were as high quality as the ones Vil had. You recalled a brief memory of you and Vil cooking in his kitchen. You frowned as your eyes lowered while you began slicing vegetables. All those little moments you had spent with Vil had meant something to you. It wasn’t like you hated him. He had every reason to be upset. You had become really close to Vil in the past two months. You were almost melancholy at the thought of it repeating with Leona, but the thing is, Leona was giving you freedom to find your own place. You were certain Vil could have offered you the same. Instead, it was as aaif he wished to keep you in a golden cage and lavish you with all the beautiful things he could give you. Though there was nothing like that, you felt trapped in a sense.
You shook your head and finished slicing the vegetables. You then heated up a pan with oil and began to sauté the food. You measured out water and rice and placed it in a rice cooker. As you sautéed the vegetables, you added beef base and hot water with a pinch of corn starch as well. The rice cooker finished steaming the rice when you heard Leona pulling into the garage. You hoped he wouldn’t mind that you were cooking. Leona had a nice kitchen if you were honest, the dark granite counter tops, rich mahogany cabinets, and high-end appliances.
The door opened from the garage, and Leona’s emerald eyes met with yours. His steely gaze then left you as he moved past you like it was nothing. Ruggie followed in after him, carrying his gear, phone, and a few bags.
“Hey Leona, don’t forget to call your brother!”
He grunted in response as he slammed his bedroom door shut. Ruggie sighed.
“Oh hey (y/n) whatcha cooking? It’s smells great.”
“Thanks, I made enough for all of us if you want to stay for lunch?”
“Man, how lucky am I today. Never thought I’d get to try you’re cooking.”
You laughed.
“It’s not that big of a deal.”
“If you say so. Well, I gotta put these things away…I guess.” He huffed, annoyed as he walked off and went somewhere else in the house.
You arched a brow. You wondered what Leona’s brother was calling about. You briefly checked online earlier, and the articles about your and Leona’s relationship spread further throughout the internet. Now the reporters are saying you were trying to make Leona jealous by attending the gala, and that’s why he rushed out of the event with you in his arms. Even though he only did that because you had almost fallen down. You sighed as you finished up the meal and kept it on simmer to keep it warm while Leona showered, and Ruggie was busy doing what he needed to for Leona as his manager.
You wondered if Farena was upset with Leona being caught up in this speculation of being in a relationship or if it was something else. You wondered how Cheka was doing. You smiled to yourself as you recalled the adorable five-year-old from years ago. Cheka should be around nine years old now. You were curious how much he had grown in that time.
“What’re you grinning about over there?”
You blinked as you turned your head to see Leona a towel wrapped around his waist. You raised your brows, and your pupils widened as you took in his gorgeous physique. Your brain short circuited as you tried to find the words to say. Wait, what was I thinking about? Oh no? You turned your back to him, and Leona held that famed smug smirk.
“Heh, what’s the matter…”
You placed a hand on your forehead. You were dreaming right, Leona did not just walk out of his bedroom in just a towel. His body and hair were not still dripping with water. That’s not what you saw.
“I know you’re not that shy.”
You shuddered from his proximity.
“Leona…what are you doing?” You whispered.
You turned around to face him. Oh, that was the wrong choice.
He pressed you back against the counter one arm place beside your head, his hand on the cabinet behind you. The other hand resting on the edge of the granite counter as he trapped you with his body. His emerald eyes held a hint of mischievous as he bowed his head down to your ear.
“You’re in my way.”
“Huh?”
He held a bored expression.
“You’re standing in front of the cabinet I keep my cups in.”
You felt embarrassed as you side-stepped, and he pulled out a glass and proceeded to get a glass of water. You felt like such an idiot of course. He wasn’t going to make a move on you. Not with Ruggie here. You hung your head ashamed. What was wrong with you? You were practically steaming from embarrassment.
Ruggie walked back into the kitchen and noticed the situation. Leona casually drank while you stood off to the side, your hands covering your face. Ruggie lifted a brow. Well, he wasn’t sure exactly what happened, but he could feel some sort of tension.
“Leona, once you get dressed and we sit down for lunch I really think you should call your brother. Before she calls.”
Leona sighed.
“Fine, stop naggin’ me.” He grumbled as he walked off to his room, brushing his tail over your arm as he passed you.
You jerked your head up to see Leona giving you a side smirk. He was totally doing this to you on purpose just to mess with you!
Sitting at the table, Leona was dressed in a t-shirt and sweatpants as the three of you sat at the table eating. Ruggie was talking about the next Spell Drive season. Leona was occasionally nodding, though you doubt he was listening. He seemed distracted by whatever he was thinking about as he was scrolling through his phone. You were staring at your plate as you took bite by bite, slowly cleaning your plate. Leona’s phone rang, he tsked. You glanced up as you noticed he seemed agitated as he answered the phone.
“Yes…?”
You could hear the woman on the other line as Leona pulled the phone away with a blank stare. You could hear her scolding him about not being more responsible, not doing this or that, and then finally he pulled the phone back to his ear. She seemed calmer now.
“He does?”
You knew his sister-in-law was just concerned about Leona.
“Funny you say that…”
Leona’s eyes met with you, again the gleam of mischievousness reflecting in the emerald color of his irises. You lowered your eyes back to your plate. Ruggie arched a brow, looking back and forth between the two of you.
Ruggie knew you and Leona had history, but this seemed like you were crushing on him all over again. Then again, his eyes shifted to Leona. Even Leona seemed to be falling for you all over again. He was sure Leona never stopped feeling what he held for you. No…he knew that was the case. His sister-in-law tried setting him up numerous times while you had been gone. Leona ruined every single one of those dates. Whether it was from speaking too bluntly or falling asleep the moment they began talking about himself. Ruggie had been the unfortunate tag along on every date he had. It was painful to watch. He felt sorry for those women. Then again, the only one beside him who knew Leona had it bad for you was his nephew Cheka. To the point Cheka even started getting on Leona’s nerves because he kept bringing you up in conversation.
Leona hung up the phone. He was irritated. He couldn’t say no. He was hoping he could have talked himself out of seeing them again. Except this time, he had no reasonable excuse. He had no choice but to accept his sister-in-law’s request of bringing you to meet his family. He flit his eyes to you, watching as you picked at your rice. Would you be able to handle his family? A rumble emitted in his chest. He wasn’t sure why they had to meet you. Wasn’t it good enough that he was telling them your name? No, they wanted to see you. Hadn’t they already seen you from the photos online. Then again, they blurred your face it wasn’t exactly a good photo, but it was good enough.
He knew they would nag him about settling down. It was so frustrating. He didn’t have to follow his brother’s footsteps. It’s not like it would do any good. He could get married, and his potential wife could produce an heir, and yet it wouldn’t mean anything. Would they receive the recognition they deserved? No. As long as Farena was alive, as long as his nephew was alive. He would never have any worth in this family where the first born in the family was always recognized. His family aside, he had concerned a possibility of marriage. He found himself observing you again. When your eyes met his gaze, he felt his heart flutter. He clenched the fork in his hand tighter as he averted your watchful eye.
The possibility of him settling down…
A brief picture of a future with you, he saw it.
A summer day beneath the shade of a large tree, enjoying a leisurely picnic, you lovingly stroking his cheek while gazing at him with devotion and appreciation. Like he was the king of your world. And how wonderful you would look with a baby bump.
“…na? Leona?”
Ruggie snapped his attention back from his reverie. Leona’s eyes flit to Ruggie’s. Ruggie sighed.
“You need anything for tomorrow? I’m going to run some errands before I head home?”
Leona placed his fork across his plate and stood up.
“No. I’m tired, so I’m gonna lay down, you’re free to do what you wish (y/n).” He waved his hand as he walked off to his room and closed the door behind him. He laid down on his bed as he stared at his ceiling.
That possibility was solely dependent on you.
Ruggie glanced over at you.
“Well, wanna get out of the house? Leona did mention picking you up a phone. He gave me his wallet too so it��s no problem.”
You arched your brow as you glanced at the now closed bedroom door. You wondered if he was okay.
“Sure, it would be good to get out.”
Ruggie grinned. “Let’s go shopping, shee hee hee.”
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Disabilities I
Since I have some time, I'll tell you all a bit about what the deal is with my disability, and why I am writing about disability in my dissertation.
Back in 2012, I got into a car accident. My girlfriend (now wife) was in the car with me, but I bore the brunt of the impact, and as a result, got some moderate spinal damage. That resulted in me going to physical therapy for a few months, but the lasting damage resulted in fibromyalgia.
Fibromyalgia isn't so much as a single disease, as it is a cluster of related symptoms that don't neatly fit into one classification or particular syndrome. It's more like, "you don't have x, y, or z, but you have all the same symptoms, so we're going to put you in the big bin that's labeled TO BE SORTED LATER." This is gross simplification, of course, but it's close enough for jazz.
Fibromyalgia is mostly related to a conjunction of hyperactive and inflamed nerves, chronic fatigue, and chronic pain. My body thinks I have an infection or an injury, but there is none there, so I get all the lovely side effects of my body fighting off or healing itself without the benefit of actually healing or fighting off an illness. It's not great! It's often comorbid with depression and anxiety, which I also have.
Really, the only reason I was able to get the fibro diagnosis was because my partner ALSO has fibro, and the only reason she knows she has it is because her sister has it! No one thing causes it, but it is often related to genetics or physical trauma. She saw all the signs of it in me, got me to see a rheumatologist, and sure enough, I have all the signs of fibro.
What I struggle most with is with the nerves and the exhaustion. I have chronic fatigue, and the rest I get from sleep isn't all that restorative. Whereas most people tend to wake up rested, I wake up more or less the same amount of tired a regular person feels before going to sleep.
I'm relatively lucky, to be honest. I'm able to manage my pain and such with medication. I'm even able to go to the gym a few times a week, energy permitting. But that takes a lot of effort, and I probably don't see all the benefits a regular person would get from exercise because of a cluster of reasons, related to my thyroid, fibro, and other things.
Oh, and just this past year, I've gotten serious about addressing my latent ADHD. I've had it all my life, but the difference now is that I'm trying to write a goddamn book, and that takes a lot more mental energy and organization than I usually have. This may be needed to addressed in another post, but the fact of the matter is, I'm taking a lot longer to write this thing than most people, partly because I'm working full time, and partly because my brain simply does not work like most neurotypical brains and requires a lot more effort to simply write one page whereas others might be able to knock out much more in a night than I would with the same amount of effort.
So there's my disabilities as they stand. I'll probably try to talk a bit more about them in future posts. It's an ongoing conversation, but having been diagnosed with disabilities like this has given me a much greater focus on the issues disabled folks face in society, and in my case, the church.
Writing about disability is both freeing but also complicated. Nobody experiences the same disability the same way, and can be affected by comorbidities that result in different experiences. I'll try to be as honest about my struggles with disability as possible, because it's good to get these stories out into the world and out of my brain. But also? We shouldn't be afraid to talk about our disabilities. In all statistical likelihood, you will be affected by a disability, either in your life or in a loved one's life. So it's good to be honest about struggles and joys related to disability, because if we can normalize it, we can understand each other better and work together to form a better community. One that treats each other as co-equal humans, worthy of love and respect.
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