I've just read your jegulus hcs about reg on his period and it made me cry because i've been in a situation where i got my period mid sex and my ex was disgusted and he didnt want to continue..your hcs made me feel so safe and i felt so happy for reg

Please could you write more of that situation and tge aftercare? Im on my period now too hahahha so it made me so emotional but i love it and you became one of my favorite blogs on here in a matter of few days

Also i'm a bottom barty anon

oh lovie <3 i’m so glad that you felt safe with my hcs! screw your ex for making you feel uncomfy for a completely natural body process!!! this will always be a safe space for anyone to talk about what they need to or share their feelings openly. i’d be more than happy to talk more about the aftercare process! giving you a big ole kiss, nonnie <3

when reg gets his period during sex for the first time, he’s mortified that james will be completely turned off and weirded out by the situation. he’s covering his face, trying to squirm away, but james is firm, holding onto reg and gently moving his hands from his face. he’s like, “love, it’s okay. it doesn’t bother me at all. if you want to keep going, i’d be more than happy to, but if you want to stop, you just say the word, and i’ll get you all cleaned up, okay?” reg maybe gets a little too overwhelmed with continuing because he’s so shocked that james is being so kind to him. so james gets them both in the shower. james is quick in the shower, so he can offer reg some privacy for a bit. he makes sure to lay out comfy clothes for reg to change into after the shower, goes and changes the the sheets, grabs water and a snack for reg to leave on the bedside table. he whips out the laptop and pulls up their show for them to watch. when reg gets out of the shower and is all cozy in pajamas—one of james’ oversized sweatshirts and loose fitting bottoms. his eyes are rimmed with red from crying, and james is so worried, doting on regulus and asking, “what’s wrong, love? what can i do for you?” and regulus breaks down crying again because he doesn’t know what he did to deserve someone treating him so respectfully. he curls up on the bed with james, tucked right under james’ arm. james gently cards his fingers through reg’s curls while they watch their show together. softly, voice full of sleep, reg mumbles, “i love you” and james practically melts on the spot, responding with a fierce, “i love you, too”.

they are just so dear to me. so sweet and special. i hope this brings you some comfort and all the good feels. i’m rooting for you nonnie!!!! <3

I'm having a lot of thoughts and feelings about Eddie and clothing and being in the closet.

Because Eddie being shirtless is a thing - a thing that happens when he's in a spiral - and its always been a thing - right from his introduction. (and it kind of ties in with the black singlet - emotional vulnerability thing he has going on too)

Eddies introduction - him putting on a shirt - going from shirtless - to clothed - Eddie has upped his and CHristophers whole life an dmoved them to LA - he's been questioning if hes done the right thing - the shirt being put on - covering him up - is showing that it is the right thing - that the uniform is a safe space for him.

Then we have the Shannon of it all - they fall back into bed - and shirtless Eddie is spiralling out - not wanting to actually have the conversation about what they are doing (Shannon has to come to the firehouse to get that conversation to happen) he puts a tee back on so he can step back into dad mode.

Eddies fight club era - is a massive and obvious spiral that he is in - dealing with the death of Shannon and all his feelings around the fact she'd asked for a divorce, plus the fact that he could've lost his son in the tsunami, but Buck saved him and Eddie has complicated feelings developing there that he's not in a position to either recognise or deal with. We never see him put a shirt on here - just a zip front hoodie - that he doesn't zip up - symbolic of not actually dealing with anything - just sort of hiding it.

We also have a flashback scene in Eddie begins where he is shirtless in the militrary hospital - once more it is Eddie vulnerable and exposed and dealing with a traumatic event.

Then we have Eddie after leaving the 118 to work at dispatch - we see him start shirtless - essentially when he's at his most vulnerable and then as he finds a way to build up some new walls for himself we see the black singlet appear and then we move on to various tee his spiral happen - we never see him put a shirt on here - he does get into uniform, but its always cut to rather than watching him actually get dressed. He hasn't dealt with his issues at this point and the implication is the walls he's built up - that are letting him pretend to be fine are flimsy - then a bit later we get his breakdown

We get no shirtless Eddie in season 6 - its a season about him dealing with and healing from a large portion of his trauma.

In season 7 we've had him shirtless several times already. Firstly in the locker room - Eddie is shirtless whilst talking about first dates but then we get Eddie putting on his shirt - its denim - much more robust than anything we've seen him put on in this way before as soon as Buck reveals he's single.

Then when Marisol was moving in - not going to go into the parallels with Shannon here - and Eddie starts to spiral. We've already had the closet conversation by this point, so the fact that we have him shirtless essentially in the aftermath of that conversation is an interesting choice, we also don't see him putting on a shirt here! instead we are left with a visual representaion of a part of Eddie he had tried to keep locked up newly exposed.

And now we have this bachelor party - where it seems to be that Eddie is losing his shirt bit by bit (cannot wait to get the context for this!)and ending up in just the collar.

He wakes up in the bathtub in just the collar before he puts the suit jacket back on, in much the same way as he put the hoodie on back in season 3. Its an indicator that while he's covering things up, he isn't actually hiding them - that they are still visible for people to see if they go looking. And while I'm on that subject - the fact the collar is the thing he's left wearing - literally playing into the religious theming of Eddies vulnerability because it is screaming dog collar!

The show making such a clear visual indicator that connects to the last time we saw Eddie shirtless is very telling - its indicating to those looking, that Eddie might've asked Marisol not to move in and taken a step towards dealing with his catholic guilt, but the reality is that he hasn't dealt with it at all and that it is still very much a part of his story - his arc.

THere seems to be something in the soft underbelly of who Eddie Diaz is, that reveals its self for these brief moments, only to be covered up and hidden once more - with varying degrees of sucess. This season its especially loud and telling.

If we look at this season more closely - all of them are interesting moments, and all of them are connected to closets or defacto closets. The locker room - Eddie's locker is open while he is shirtless - he stands in front of it - a locker is a form of closet - its for storing his clothing etc while he's at work - a place where he stores is civvies - his real self. He only moves away from the locker and puts a shirt on, when the conversation moves from him onto to Buck - Bucks vulnerability is not Eddies and so he doesn't need to be shirtless - in fact he needs to not be - to shield himself from Bucks vulnerability.

Then we have the bedroom - which while not technically a closet, is Eddies safe space - a place where he can be his full self (in theory) and shirtless Eddie has one of his biggest vulnerabilities revealed in that scene - its so big that he cannot cover it up and hide it - his catholic guilt. This is the first time we're seeing Eddie's room since Buck was in there at the end of season 5 helping patch the holes in the walls. It makes sense that Eddie having a moment where his catholic guilt is revealed becasue even if it isn't directly a closet it - indirectly because he was going to start putting things in his closet - was going to let Marisol into his closet.

The implications of him not being able to let Marisol into his closet are pretty telling in my opinion. Even the fact that she was coming with her own armoire is in and of itself speaks volumes

And now we have bachelor party Eddie - kicking in metaphorical closet doors (whilst kicking in actual closed doors) and falling asleep in bath tubs whilst wearing pink!

The pink in combination with this idea that Eddie is vulnerable and heading towards dealing with his catholic guilt in the same way that he was heading towards dealing with his other trauma before. Pink - as I've talked about in the season 7 costume meta's is the colour of naivety or innocence. yes there is the idea that Eddie (and probably by extension, Buck) will be innocent in whatever ends up happening with Chimney.

But there is also the idea that this innocence and naivety plays into the fact we're seeing a lot of Eddie shirtless and the play into his vulnerability as well as Eddies catholic guilt and all the closet references. This idea that Eddies naively trying to ignore his catholic guilt, ignore his vulnerablity as well as the fact that his catholic guilt stems back to his childhood - when he was effectively an innocent.

yeah I have a lot of thoughts on all of it

It's invisible but it's there

Summary

A funny accident between him and Aziraphale, leads Crowley to a moving discovery and causes them to discuss their relationship.

Notes

50 Types of Kisses - Writing Prompts

Kiss #48: One person has to bend down in order to kiss their partner, who is standing on their tip-toes to reach their partner’s.

Completely inspired by one of Neil's recent answer on tumblr

On Ao3

Rating G -  1098 words

"Muriel, would you be so kind as to hand me the book I left on the sideboard by the door?"

Aziraphale, perched on a stepladder, stretched his arm back without turning around.

"I'm not Muriel, but I'm happy to bring you the book."

The angel shook his head and turned to see Crowley approaching, book in hand. When the demon was close, Aziraphale reached out to grab the book, but Crowley, a mischievous smile on his lips, shook his head and said, "No, no, Mr. Fell, if you want this book, you'll have to pay first."

Crowley tucked the book behind his back and, standing on tiptoe, held his face toward Aziraphale, leaving no doubt as to the currency required.

The angel rolled his eyes at his lover's antics, but leaned over to the demon and dropped a fleeting kiss on his lips. Then, just as he was about to pull away, the demon held him back with one hand and said playfully, "Angel, I'm sure this is a valuable book, so you'll have to put the money in."

"Idiot..." the angel grumbled before pressing his lips to the demon's again, making the kiss last a little longer this time.

They soon had to stop, however, as Aziraphale leaned a little too far and the stepladder tipped dangerously, causing the angel to fall.

Crowley dropped the book and caught the angel, but not fast enough to keep his own balance, so they both ended up on the ground.

Trying to right himself, Aziraphale panicked, "Crowley, are you okay, are you in pain?"

He knelt down beside Crowley, who was holding his face in his hands, and now, the angel, genuinely concerned, grabbed the demon's hands to see that he was laughing.

Aziraphale nudged him gently and said, "Idiot, I really thought you were hurt."

Between laughs, the demon replied, "Sorry, Angel, but I'm fine, I swear."

He reached behind him and brought his hand back in front of him, holding the book, and continued, "But I'm not sure your book is undamaged."

The demon looked at it more closely and frowned, "Oh, I think a page is torn."

He opened the book and added, "Ah no, it's a note."

Aziraphale panicked and reached for the book, saying, "Oh, it's nothing. Give it to me-"

But Crowley had put the book out of reach and, looking serious, asked Aziraphale, "This is your handwriting. This note is about me. What does it mean?"

The angel shook his head and replied, "I told you, it's nothing, it was a long time ago and I..."

"Does Crowley feel that connection too? If we stay away too long, will that bond break?"

Crowley held the note out to Aziraphale and asked softly,"What did you mean when you wrote that, Angel?"

Aziraphale grabbed the book and replied, his throat slightly tight with emotion, "It's Jane Eyre."

"Yes, I've seen it."

The angel opened the book, searched for a page, and turning the book to Crowley, showed him a paragraph, "Read this."

Crowley read aloud, “I have a strange feeling with regard to you. As if I had a string somewhere under my left ribs, tightly knotted to a similar string in you. And if you were to leave I’m afraid that cord of communion would snap. And I have a notion that I’d take to bleeding inwardly. As for you, you’d forget me.”

Crowley murmured, "I see..."

Then he read the note again before placing it in the book, closing it and setting it down beside him. Still sitting on the floor, he leaned against one of the bookshelves and motioned for the angel to come and sit between his spread legs.

Aziraphale slid down and once his back was pressed against the demon's chest, Crowley wrapped his arms around him and, resting his chin on the angel's head, asked softly, "When did you write this, Angel?"

Aziraphale placed his hands on the demon's intertwined hands on his stomach and replied, "In 1941, I had just realized my feelings for you, and we had never been as close as we were that day, so when you left, I began to wonder if I was the only one who had imagined this bond between us. If I was the only one who thought about you all the time when we were apart."

He felt the demon shake his head before he said with an emotional tone, "You weren't the only one."

Aziraphale took one of Crowley's hands and brought it to his lips as Crowley continued, "And lately, you seemed to be thriving, and I felt like I was treading water, and I was afraid that one day that bond would be gone."

He felt the angel about to protest, but pressed a light kiss to the fluffy hair to calm him and continued, "Let me finish, Angel. That's how I felt, but not anymore. Now, this invisible bond, I'm firmly convinced that nothing can break it. I mean, even Metatron tried, and he couldn't. In fact, looking back, I'm even sure that if you had followed him, it wouldn't have broken."

He couldn't help but smile as he felt the angel nod repeatedly to show that he shared the same conviction.

Crowley leaned forward and said in his lover's ear, "Then you can throw away this little note."

Aziraphale replied, "Yes, I now have the answer to both questions. This bond is real and here and unbreakable."

He turned his head and their lips met in a tender kiss that lasted until a slight cough caused them to part and look up.

Muriel, hands on hips, one eyebrow raised, asked them, "What are you doing?"

Crowley grabbed Jane Eyre and held it up, saying, "We're just arranging books."

Muriel shook their head and replied, "And to think I'm the one who's supposed to be learning from you."

Crowley and Aziraphale looked at each other before breaking into a chorus of laughter, then the demon stood and reached out to help the angel to his feet.

Then he put his arm around Muriel's shoulders and said, "Come on, my little bee, I'll buy you a hot chocolate at Nina's to celebrate."

The angel asked, confused, "To celebrate what?"

Crowley took Aziraphale's hand with his other hand and as their fingers intertwined, he said in a softer tone, "To celebrate an unbreakable bond."

"A bond? But I don't see anything."

Aziraphale replied to Muriel with a smile, "It's invisible, but it's there."

Muriel thought to themself that they did indeed have a lot to learn.

_________

Still not beta'd

Still not my native language

Still hoping you'll enjoy this story  🥰

Still thanking you for bearing with me 😝

Ineffable kisses series : here

Ineffable Husbands masterlist : here

Ineffable Growing Love - Series post S2

Part 1 Story 1-99

Part 2 Story 100-?

Unpacking the couch therapy session with san pang ft wei qian ep 10, what i think is one of the most important dialogues of the entire show

This conversation itself is a compact version of wei qian's entire emotional journey regarding how he feels for yuan: his shift from brotherly love to a deep, mixed, romantic love.

Wei qian didn't say much - let's see what he did say:

My biggest wish is for them to grow up happy and healthy, because I'm their older brother

I'm terrified

How can this decision be made so rashly? I must consider the future

Wei qian's biggest wish

this is him speaking from the perspective of a parental figure, the older brother that raised his siblings.

he's almost crying saying this because he feels like he hasn't achieved this. As the big brother, he couldn't provide for yuan in giving him happiness. He feels pain for yuan.

"I'm terrified"

this is in response to san pang's "you both love each other. even if you didn't get together, you two would stay sad like this"

san pang understands this as wei qian is scared of a romantic relationship with yuan, but in fact what wei qian means he is terrified of losing yuan:

because he was the reason yuan went to look for tiger bro

But at the same time san pang's understanding was right - wei qian is scared because he feels responsible for yuan being in danger. If they were together, will there be more instances where yuan puts himself in danger for him?

"I must consider the future"

what's making him feel so anguished about making this decision if he didn't have feelings for yuan? The fact that he has a decision to make means being with yuan is a possibility. He doesn't think yuan would have the best future he could possibly have by being with him

Le ge fiasco aside, he still has his hemorrhage situation to deal with. If he accepts yuan, it will be for life, but how long does he have left?

San pang's final question hits the nail on the head.

Would you be okay with it?

San pang's question directs focus onto wei qian's own feelings, without thinking from the role of an older brother or considering other circumstances. Do you want to stay by yuan's side for the rest of your life?

And wei qian's answer is evident. He does. This is the moment he cracks.

Now it's just a matter of whether wei qian wants to do something for himself, for once, to accept his own desires for happiness.

I just saw an Elriel post that highlighted the "mating bond is a bridge between souls" line and then showed Feysand quotes to emphasize the point. They then showed the Elriel quote, "the only bridge of connection between them...that knife" and a quote that says how Lucien had "done nothing to bridge the gap between them" 

I find it ironic that they used that specific quote for Elriel since it literally says that the ONLY bridge of connection between Elain and Azriel is truth teller, and then Elain gives truth teller back. Meaning there is no more bridge connecting them.

Also, I will never understand how they bash Lucien for apparently not trying hard enough to connect with Elain, but as soon as he does try anything, they scream that he's possessive and taking away Elain's choice. So, what exactly do they want from him?

Also, there is a quote from Lucien where he literally says that the bond between him and Elain is real, "it's a read thread." So, is there an emotional gap between Lucien and Elain right now? Yes, which is completely understandable. But is there also a mating bond, a bridge between souls, between them? Also, yes. 

To your point at the end, it is ok there's an emotional gap between Lucien and Elain. I don't want them connecting in someone else's book, I don't want Elain's feelings to be evident for him where I'm not getting to experience it all from her POV. I don't want a flashing neon sign proclaiming "they're in love!" rather than seeing it happen in their story. SJM left me enough hints to feel confident while still looking forward to their romance playing out in real time. Also, this wasn't in the novella for shits and giggles: "Stay out of it. She's not ready, and neitehr is he, no matter how many presents they bring." "Let him live with his Band of Exiles. Let him deal with Tamlin in his own way. Let him figure out where he wants to be. Who he wants to be. The same goes with her." "Just be patient. It'll sort itself out. It always does." "I want them to be happy. All of them." "They will be" She said the simple words with such unflagging conviction that I believed her. That covers it all. The reason Elain and Lucien are currently at odds, the reason Lucien still has not attempted to bridge the gap. Neither is ready, they still have too much of their own problems to figure out before they can turn to romance. Elain needed to accept becoming fae, needing to consider the possibility of actually being with a fae (and not jumping right into an intense mating bond), Lucien needed time to really think about what he wants from his future, where he wants to live (it's not going to be the human lands forever), how he wants to deal with his relationship with Tamlin. Now that SF has ended they've had 16 months to do exactly that and there's a good chance that Mor's prediction is about to take off. The funniest thing is they'll destroy Lucien's character for keeping his distance from Elain while applauding Az for doing the exact same thing. Lucien can't stand being near Elain because he sees her current distance and it hurts him. It's evident he still thinks about her, he asked Feyre how she was doing, brought her a present, asked if she still mourned Graysen (which means he is respecting the love she had for someone else). We know an unfulfilled bond can drive males mad and that is another reason it's a strain for him. Az avoided Elain because he can't stand the scent of her bond. Did she ask him to stay away? Did she ignore him? Lucien is doing what he's doing because he's respecting Elain's clues for space and time though it pains him to do so. Az is doing what he's doing for his own selfish reasons. Elain could have used a support system in the NC over the past year but Az chose to focus on his own needs instead of what would have been best for her. The scent of her bond isn't going anywhere and he chose to make that the driving factor of whether to spend time with her or not which means he'll never spend time with her unless the bond suddenly disappeared. That's not a worthy male. And yes, "the ONLY bridge of connection, that knife." Which means, after Elain returned TT, there was no remaining bridge of connection. Sure they were willing to make out but the author is LITERALLY telling us there's nothing to support their pairing long term. The one thing that seemed to connect them is not the foundation that true love is built on. It makes me laugh when this line is used romantically but when the other hints that are used throughout the series also receive the blinder treatment, I guess I shouldn't be surprised. Like Elain and Az outside, his leathers SO AT ODDS with the beautiful garden. Or Elain with spring blooming behind her and death on the other side. Elain sitting in the sunniest windows, as if "any bit of darkness was abhorrent", Elain in black, "no matter that she declared herself part of this court, it sucked the life from her."

A near kiss and a few glances mean nothing when the author is continually feeding us line after line about how Elain is not where she's meant to be and she's not ending up with the guy who is completely at odds with her in every way despite her efforts to distract herself from her problems by engaging in a crush on him.

Near-future, black mirror esque AU in which Nancy, stressed college student with loads of childhood trauma, gets recommended by her psychologist to get an emotional support robot. That's what they're called, yes. They're sold to very lonely people to pretty much look after them emotionally. Nancy has always hated the idea, and doesn't really like androids or robots of any kind. Plus, she thinks it's quite sad that she's so lonely she needs an android to keep her company. She also couldn't possibly afford it.

Her friend Steve, though, who hasn't seen her in a year despite living 15 minutes away (she has a tendency to isolate herself and use her studies as an excuse), got her one. It's a second-hand unit, a slightly older model that's seen several repair shops in the past, but it works, and it was half the price of a new one. He shows up to her apartment with the box, looking smug and proud of himself. If anything, Nancy feels insulted.

She doesn't touch the box for a few weeks, and doesn't get rid of it either, because her studies take her so much time, she can't bring herself to keep her apartment clean. When her mother visits and sees the mess she's living in, with a perfectly functional android willing to help her, she finally caves, and as soon as she's alone, she decides to see if this thing can at least help her clean up.

It surprises her that it looks so... human. Its skin is soft and warm, with all the natural imperfections of a human's skin. Same as her hair. She's dressed in old worn-out clothes, and she curls into herself, in fetal position, inside the box. Only the button under her skin on the back of her neck reveals her as an android. Nancy reads the instructions, presses there for 10 seconds, and waits.

Or she planned to wait - eight seconds in with Nancy's fingers pressed on that spot, and the android's eyes flew open. She cried out, screambled out of the box and looked around, breathing heavily and hugging herself. Her eyes fix on Nancy, look her up and down with a frown, and asks:

"Who are you?"

Nancy opens her mouth to reply, then looks down at the instructions, hoping they'd say something about this kind of scenario, and that her new robot didn't go rogue and try to kill her.

"Wait, are those my instructions?" The robot asked. She looked down. "I really don't mean to complain about my living situation going from extremely fucked to simply fucked, but that is not my original box. Mine was smaller, and it had a bunch of little dots on the side. Did they sell me again?"

The instructions said nothing about this possibility, so Nancy decided it was time to improvise.

"I... my friend got you at a garage sale, I think."

"Oh. Well, that is low, even for me," the robot said. She rubbed the back of her neck. "Should my neck hurt this much?"

Nancy blinked.

"Shouldn't you know that?"

"Honestly, I don't even know what levels of pain are normal for me. It always hurts just a little bit somewhere, like, right now, my whole spine really hurts." She laughs. "At least I think it's supposed to feel like pain? I don't think we're wired to feel pain, exactly, I mean, that would be just sadistic. Talk anti-natalism to me. But I swear this spot right here just feels really really bad. Or maybe it's anthropocentric to... perceive it as pain, don't you think? It's very existentialist, actually, the whole... perceiving thing - I bet Berkeley wrote something about it, at some point, but I haven't read him in ages."

"You read books?"

"What? Oh. Oh, uh... I - I think I'm offline? Like, I don't have access to the database, so I kinda have to do it the old-fashioned way if I want to learn somethin," she said. "It's cool, though! I like reading a lot."

"...Okay. So, um... here it says your model is..."

"Robin," the android said. Nancy looked up.

"I'm sorry?"

"That's my name," she said. "I came up with it, I - I thought it sounded nice. Do you like it?"

Nancy stared at this... thing, a million thoughs coursing through her head. The first one was a newfound understanding of her low price.

She made a movement with her head that could be understood as both a shake and a nod at the same time.

"Yeah, yeah, sure" she said, brows knit together. What the hell did Steve get her into? "It's... nice."

"Oh, thank God, because Mom and Dad hated it."

"Mom and...?"

"My first owners - Richard and Melissa, I always called them Mom and Dad. They... they, uh, they hated that, too."

Jesus Christ.

"So... Robin," Nancy said. "I was wondering if you could help me put away some of my things while I study."

"Oh! Yeah, yeah, yeah, sure." She stood there, eyes wandering, around, until they fell on Nancy's bookshelf "Holy shit, you have Dostoyevski! Is it in Russian?"

Nancy blinked, opened her mouth, took a step back and shook her head. Robin was already striding towards her bookself, tracing the spines of books with her fingers.

"Actually, why don't you read after you clean this up?"

Robin turned to see her, eyes wide and a growing smile, like a kid in a candy shop.

"I - I can read all of this?"

Nancy was going to kill Steve.

She shrugged and shook her head.

"Sure," she said. "After you clean this mess."

"Aye aye, cap!" Robin chirped, making a quick salute with her hand and getting to work.

Nancy was, for certain, going to murder Steve for making her responsible for this... thing. There was something wrong in her system, and that was very much obvious. She looked down at the instructions manual - surely there would be a way to turn her off for the night. She wouldn't want Robin to murder her in her sleep, or worse - wake her up at 4 am to talk about books.

Or she could just tell her to shut up. She was a robot, anyway. It's not like she could feel anything.

Satan & Violins

I share a lot of similarities with Satan, even when before they canonized something about him; one of them being violinist!Satan😭 In spite of me having a mini identity crisis following the drop of his canon violinist card, i think it makes sense! heres why.

Disclaimer!

1. I have not picked up an instrument in years

2. This is purely bcuz my brain is so busy thinking abt Satan so its kinda rambly. . Pls bare w me T_T

3. THIS IS LONG IM SO SORRY

4. Not too used to tumblr writing just yet sorry if it's messy

(Uploaded on my twitter aswell :D)

The violin and its family, unlike other string instruments (ex. the guitar), doesnt have these little things (that i forgor the name of because im a bad musician) that separates every note. those little separating thingies are the reason why people who dont know shit about playing a key on guitar but memorize musical scales (me) is at least able to strum a simple one octave melody.

Obviously, the two come in with their one difficulty (i prefer the violin myself), but it's a little bit harder to pull that trick with the violin. As you can see, theres not exactly something to tell you where each note begins or where they end. Nothing to determine where is where. You simply have to memorize the placement and the distance between each note. You basically play the violin with Your Gut (1). We'll keep this in mind for now.

Moving on, let's talk about body posture.

Beginner violinist usually directlty face towards the strings when playing, as they aren't used to letting their 'gut' lead the show. However, more experienced players would find no need to do so. A quick glance at Satan's art could tell us he was at least above beginner level to be brave enough to face (us) instead.

When you're not facing your violin, you would usually lean your head towards it, resulting in your ear becoming the closest thing to it- here's a real life example:

Now, if there was anything my teacher warned me before starting violin, is that even without having your ear be the closest thing to it, the strings are already LOUD😭 so its even louder when you alr have ur ear on it. The violin is considered one of the most emotional instruments ever, their lower sound resemble what we use to express sadness in speech. Basically, what I'm trying to say is, you as a player are forced to feel what you're playing. Thus is also why you play the violin with Your Heart (2).

So, how does this tie into Satan? It's no secret that our handsome man is incredibly romantic, and to me if he ever wants to express something to us and making sure the message is clearly received, the equally emotional violin is his best bet! The violin allows Satan to play heartwrenching notes that would quickly be felt by the listener.

Lets get technical.

There's still another side of the violin, as there is another side to Satan. The way you stroke your bow matters, the way you angle it so you'll only hit the notes you want. (thankfully if you mess up, the violin is made to still sound graceful😂). Satan too, is quite the detail oriented person. He is tactical, analytical, observant, a man obsessed with striving to be the perfect one, etc etc. The need of preciseness of the violin is definitely right up his alley. The way you need everything to be correct to be rewarded for a beautiful sound. Idk exactly where I'm going with this but it's basically intelligence meets emotion kinda thing, do you see it too?!?!

In conclusion, the violin is a wonderful instrument that both requires great attention to detail yet is also incredibly emotional and heartfelt, an instrument that requires your gut and heart guide your play without abandoning technique. Satan, the incredibly smart yet fluffy softie, is quite literally made for this and I LOVE HIM for that RAAAAAAHHHH. im normal.

THATS IT RLLY im soooo sorry if it's incredibly messy please have a sugarry picture <3 ily

RAAAAAAAAH CHAPTER 13 BRO!!!!!

as always, i read it like a rabid animal, and then reread the prev 4 chapters and then reread this again HAHA

your work ages like fine wine, and i read and treasure every word of it, especially on rereads when i can make myself slow down to really take it all in <3

"He takes it all away. Every time." made me WEEP!!!!! its what she DESERVES!!!! the dependability and the escape into him and simon (simon takes charge obvs, but johnny is just as much an outlet. sweet sweet boy)

i think he also realizes that she's seeing it as escapism and starts to fall away a bit, bc of how he stops her and asks to check in. it makes me curious abt his and simon's early relationship, if he's recognizing the same pattern of behavior and comparing them.

going on with that, when she was showing them her scars, AUUUUUUGH. that hit so hard man. the “No but… they’re hideous.”

“No.” Simon croaks, voice thick. “There isn’t a single part of you that isn’t perfect.”

SIMOOOOOOOON he sees so much of himself in her. its gotta be heartbreaking, knowing she's where he used to be. he gets it fr. i cant imagine two people more suited for her, someone who's been where she is and got out, and the person who's helped get that someone out of that pit. fuck dude. you're so good at this HAHAHA

im not gonna say nothin abt the good girl stuff…. but heehee!

also also "I'm not a little human nurse" made me laugh so hard LMAO pure arizona from grey's. ive been watching it lately (started right before you started posting simple math actually) reading the hospital bits of SM, you do a really good job of capturing the same energy and stakes and work dynamics that you get watching grey's. im honestly still waiting for the other shoe to drop on the stupid attending marshall, there's always something that a shitty attending can mess up down the road lmao

the ending on this chap killed me though. they knew she was flighty, and that she's smart and capable, but its gotta be so hard to get the relief of her coming back after the day out without answering the phone, only to find the papers the next morning. in bunny's defense though, she mentioned in chapters before moving in (i think before graves hurt her?) with them that she had to start looking at outs, and these papers aren't a 2-day turnaround; she probably bought them weeks ago and only now picked them up. i could be wrong though! i think its unfortunate timing, but she also probably just wants the relief knowing that she's got the backup plan accessible. as much as she loves the boys and penny, she's still not used to having the dependability. the safety scares her, or at least gives her the idea of a false sense of security, since she's been on edge for so so long.

i give her big smooch. poor bun. poor boys, and poor penny. manifesting the worst for graves, truly, rot in hell you idiot american

i hope you're feeling better, its lovely to read your works but even better when you're doing well yourself ❤️❤️❤️

I loved reading this! I adore you.

I love how you noticed that Johnny does stop to check in. He has a very firm grip on her mental and emotional state, (it’s not his first rodeo) and he knows just how to bring her back.

The two of them + Bunny is really a dream come true even if she doesn’t realize it yet (they do) and it will take a lot of time and work on everyone’s part.

I think your notes in your last paragraph are pretty spot on, too. Bunny will talk about it more in the next two chapters but- getting a new identity is not a two day turnaround.

Also yeah, I was channeling Arizona with that line 💀 I was hoping someone would catch it!

10/10 I love your breakdowns, no notes, perfection, they always make me smile.

idk if this makes sense. but i kind of love that the last of us makes me cry and viscerally FEEL true emotions on a weekly basis. like i cant remember the last tv show i watched that had me consistently bawling my eyes out and so immersed in a show because of the characters, the story, the incredibly strong writing, etc. and it doesn't feel manipulative. it just feels profound and beautiful and poetic but also tragic and... human.

anyone else ever get struck with a sudden feeling of distaste or being tired of someone who you usually really like/are friends with for literally no reason whatsoever? or is that just me

also was revisiting a little bmc bway interview ft. william last night & him saying his favorite part of the show was probably doing the agtikbi reprise scene on the couch at the party & mentioning the Nonverbal aspect of jeremy & christine's interacting / communicating there & a way of exploring/depicting Love & Affection in a way you don't always see everywhere and like aaaarghhhhh so true good lord that specific scene. and Again the bway obcr version Existing and being like that, it's just like. winded exhale yeah obsessed 5ever thank you all

Thoughts About Future Leo

I know the "general consensus" about Future Leo is that if he saw his past self he'd immediately beat the shit out of him (or at least be very mean to him) and that's fine and all but like

future Leo has gone through shit over and over, lost his FAMILY to something that he probably blames himself for, and has probably gone through enough character arcs to be a good, supportive leader/brother -- a LOT has changed since he was young.

he's probably spent years loathing himself, yet when we see him, he's smiling, telling Casey how badass he is, supporting his brothers -- doing all the things that he desperately needed as a teen.

Future Leo's trauma hasn't shaped him into some jaded, bitter old man who hates himself. he's a leader. a hero. he sees himself in Casey, but instead of being hard on him, he is kind.

in order to be a good leader, Leo would have had to learn forgiveness, not only of the others, but of himself.

if future Leo went back in time, the first thing he would do if he saw his past self wouldn't be to yell at him or glare angstily or whatever.

it would be to hug him.

because he knows what it was like to be a scared, confused teen. because he's a responsible, caring adult who understands people make mistakes. because he knows exactly what his past self is going through, and exactly what he needs: someone who cares about and trusts and believes in him.

I KNEW IT AND NOW I'M CRYING

.

on the one hand I think an interesting direction to take melliwyk getting increasingly stressed and overtaxed and frantic would be for her behavior become increasingly careless and reckless, but the problem is that a part of why she's been Like This is that I don't want any of the Important Things she's trying to figure out to spin out of control

your commentary on BCS is very smart and full of love 🥺

thank you so much 💙💙💙