#i'm girl&boy to me and my friends ONLY
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y'all's gender ever boy (public), girl (private)
#YOU only get to call me [pronoun]#more context:#i'm girl&boy to me and my friends ONLY#if a stranger calls me a girl or she tho? clawing /neg#i can only ever Be Her by myself <3#demisexual but for womanhood#and YES this gender crisis was brought on because i headcanoned to many characters as he/she for my comfort#like do you ever want to point to someone and say ??#anyways#tumblr mutuals get to call me he/she. everyone else? we'll see :/#not sure about they yet#genderqueer#gender
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you're grabbing lunch with a nice man and he gives you that strange grimace-smile that's popular right now; an almost sardonic "twist" of his mouth while he looks literally down on you. it looks like he practiced the move as he leans back, arms folded. he just finished reciting the details of NFTs to you and explaining Oppenheimer even though he only watched a youtube about it and hasn't actually seen it. you are at the bottom of your wine glass.
you ask the man across from you if he has siblings, desperately looking for a topic. literally anything else.
he says i don't like small talk. and then he smiles again, watching you.
a few years ago, you probably would have said you're above celebrity gossip, but honestly, you've been kind of enjoying the dumb shit of it these days. with the rest of the earth burning, there's something familiar and banal about dragging ariana grande through the mud. you think about jeanette mccurdy, who has often times gently warned the world she's not as nice as she appears. you liked i'm glad my mom died but it made you cry a lot.
he doesn't like small talk, figure out something to say.
you want to talk about responsibility, and how ariana grande is only like 6 days older than you are - which means she just turned 30 and still dresses and acts like a 13 year old, but like sexy. there's something in there about the whole thing - about insecurity, and never growing up, and being sexualized from a young age.
people have been saying that gay people are groomers. like, that's something that's come back into the public. you have even said yourself that it's just ... easier to date men sometimes. you would identify as whatever the opposite of "heteroflexible" is, but here you are again, across from a man. you like every woman, and 3 people on tv. and not this guy. but you're trying. your mother is worried about you. she thinks it's not okay you're single. and honestly this guy was better before you met, back when you were just texting.
wait, shit. are you doing the same thing as ariana grande? are you looking for male validation in order to appease some internalized promise of heteronormativity? do you conform to the idea that your happiness must result in heterosexuality? do you believe that you can resolve your internal loneliness by being accepted into the patriarchy? is there a reason dating men is easier? why are you so scared of fucking it up with women? why don't you reach out to more of them? you have a good sense of humor and a big ol' brain, you could have done a better job at online dating.
also. jesus christ. why can't you just get a drink with somebody without your internal feminism meter pinging. although - in your favor (and judgement aside) in the case of your ariana grande deposition: you have been in enough therapy you probably wouldn't date anyone who had just broken up with their wife of many years (and who has a young child). you'd be like - maybe take some personal time before you begin this journey. like, grande has been on broadway, you'd think she would have heard of the plot of hamlet.
he leans forward and taps two fingers to the table. "i'm not, like an andrew tate guy," he's saying, "but i do think partnership is about two people knowing their place. i like order."
you knew it was going to be hard. being non-straight in any particular way is like, always hard. these days you kind of like answering the question what's your sexuality? with a shrug and a smile - it's fine - is your most common response. like they asked you how your life is going and not to reveal your identity. you like not being straight. you like kissing girls. some days you know you're into men, and sometimes you're sitting across from a man, and you're thinking about the power of compulsory heterosexuality. are you into men, or are you just into the safety that comes from being seen with them? after all, everyone knows you're failing in life unless you have a husband. it almost feels like a gradebook - people see "straight married" as being "all A's", and anything else even vaguely noncompliant as being ... like you dropped out of the school system. you cannot just ignore years of that kind of conditioning, of course you like attention from men.
"so let's talk boundaries." he orders more wine for you, gesturing with one hand like he's rousing an orchestra. sir, this is a fucking chain restaurant. "I am not gonna date someone who still has male friends. also, i don't care about your little friends, i care about me. whatever stupid girls night things - those are lower priority. if i want you there, you're there."
he wasn't like this over text, right? you wouldn't have been even in the building if he was like this. you squint at him. in another version of yourself, you'd be running. you'd just get up and go. that's what happens on the internet - people get annoyed, and they just leave. you are locked in place, almost frozen. you need to go to the bathroom and text someone to call you so you have an excuse, like it's rude to just-leave. like he already kind of owns you. rudeness implies a power paradigm, though. see, even your social anxiety allows the patriarchy to get to you.
you take a sip of the new glass of wine. maybe this will be a funny story. maybe you can write about it on your blog. maybe you can meet ariana grande and ask her if she just maybe needs to take some time to sit and think about her happiness and how she measures her own success.
is this settling down? is this all that's left in your dating pool? just accepting that someone will eventually love you, and you have to stop being picky about who "makes" you a wife?
you look down to your hand, clutching the knife.
#writeblr#this is a mashup of like 3 dates i accidentally went on lol#by that i mean that i was out with a woman on a date in 2 of these situations#and a man just. joined us. and we were too awkward to say anything while he tried to ''date'' me#& one was a longterm friend that i was like. you what????#like he's nice he's a doctor and my mom was SO happy she was like raquel think about it#''it's a perfect love story you grew up together and reconnected as adults and like the same things and he's friends with ur brother#and his sister is one of ur close friends!!!''#yes but alas. he is a boy . she only likes girls. can i make it any more obvious#anyway im tryna write about like the force of male attention being actually incredibly ingrained to women like we are SUPPOSED to like it#it's seen as the only important thing#even if ur gay#and it's a nuanced thing idk#and while rn i i.d. as lesbian#like .... it wouldn't be UNTRUE to say i am probably like ''cusp bisexual'' bc i CAN experience attraction to men bc like .#sexuality is fluid...#don't tell straight ppl tho bc they do not understand the concept that ppl don't necessarily need a solid everlasting label#they're like GET in the BOX#if ur gay & in boston i'm 30 and pretty please come kiss me.#(i usually only date older ppl sorry in advance tho)
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yes i'm rooting for m*leven breakup because byler is neat but mostly? i'm rooting for m*leven breakup for the sake of el and mike.
to me, their romance was always a puppy love born out of a combination of social pressures, naïve curiosity, and a lack of true understanding regarding intimacy and romantic love and what it really is. it was real in that they do truly, deeply care about each other and they are close friends, maybe even shared an attraction, but a maturing romance is so much more than that. they've grown up and out of being boyfriend/girlfriend, and that's okay! i think television/film needs to show more often that most of us don't have definite "soulmates" or first childhood loves that we spend our whole lives with. it doesn't mean these relationships meant nothing and didn't impact us, it just means they've run their course and that something else is in the cards, and this is part of life!
i've always felt el was at her best and most confident self when broken up with mike, discovering who she was and what she liked alongside another girl her age instead of just relying on mike for mentorship on how to live in the real world. she deserves more of an opportunity to find herself, her autonomy, and her independence, and to love who she is, and she's made it clear she's felt insecure in the relationship with mike because she isn't being loved and understood the way she wants, needs, and deserves from someone who is her partner.
also, it's okay if mike doesn't love her in "the way he should". he is not obligated to love her romantically and stay in a relationship with her just because she's a girl, because she "needed someone", or because he cares about her a lot. he shouldn't be pressured into a romance if it's not truly coming from his heart. he deserves freedom to find out and honour who he is, too, instead of just staying in his non-functional first relationship — one he got into as a child, essentially — and defining himself that way because it's what's expected when a boy and a girl are close. he loves her in some way, yes, but it's okay if he doesn't feel comfortable or secure being her boyfriend anymore, for whatever reason that is. he's felt insecure too, and that's valid and it matters.
they are their own people and are steadily growing and changing every day. they need time to figure out who those people are, and it's become clear (at least in my opinion) that those people aren't meant to be a couple at this stage.
they deserve freedom. they deserve to grow up and be authentic to themselves and not feel like they need to lie for the sake of a relationship. they deserve to move on from this version of their relationship that isn't making them happy and rekindle the best part of their bond: their strong, beautiful friendship. they don't have to be a couple if it doesn't make them stronger and better and happier people.
i think it would be healthy and wonderful for a show, especially one consumed frequently by young adults, to show a relationship starting, progressing, and ending on good terms in this way. sometimes things don't work out, and that is okay.
#eve text#elmike#stranger things#byler#only tagging byler because i feel like yall will like this take lol#tagging tagging tagging WHAT ARE EVERYONE ELSE'S THOUGHTS#god i can't believe i'm making a post about stranger things. this feels like poking a bear#i'm not particularly anti m*leven but like... they'd have to do something pretty special at this point for me to feel like it's viable#i'm seeing the bts of s5 and it's got me Having Thoughts#elmike friendship is something i am so passionate about#even before i ever liked byler (didn't ship at all until s4 even though i knew it was a thing before) i've felt this way about elmike#i always believed they were close friends at heart and needed to break up#the romance part of them felt very distinctly young and very much “he was a boy she was a girl” to me#and it hasn't deepened into anything more mature and i don't see how it could based on the current state of the writing...#the fact that lumax exists — a young relationship that is actively maturing and is healthy — makes that clear to me#and the “love confession” in s4 and how disingenuous and miserable it felt was just the nail in the coffin#also the fact that will (who is IN LOVE with mike) was instrumental in making it happen? ... uh... okay... interesting choice…#fucked up and reductive if they make it another queer unrequited love sacrifice for the sake of pushing the heterosexual agenda YUCK#so i really hope the speculation about a m*leven breakup is real!! i think it just makes sense for their characters but who knows#i don't believe in the notion of love at first sight or one true love and i think the writers don't too???#love to me is an accumulation of experiences and we inevitably choose it at some point rather than fall into it... but idk#tv is so fixated on keeping couples together... sometimes it's just not reality guys especially with young people... LET IT GO...#like i said though i'm not 100% sold that they're going to give up their “golden couple” LMAO#stranger things hasn't historically subverted too many tropes if i'm being honest#anyway i seriously need this season to come out quickly... i'm so bored and getting my master's is crushing my soul#i need frivolity#ALSO btw i won't respond to hateful messages about this so please don't bother. it's not that serious. this is a netflix show
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i cannot believe how unbelievably trans the team on your name made Mistuha on ACCIDENT
HOW DID YOU MAKE MITSUHA SO TRANS MASC HOLY SHIT
#you can have a different hc and still think Mistuha is cis ofc#but listen Mitsuha literally screams 'I WANNA BE A CUTE TOKYO BOY IN MY NEXT LIFE'#and then wakes up in a cis guy's body and has the TIME OF HIS LIFE.#LIKE NO JOKE#HE EVEN TOTALLY ROMANCES THIS CHICK#AND WHEN THEY GET SWITCHED BACK TO THEIR ORIGINAL BODIES BEFORE THE DATE THE GIRL IS LIKE 'ew what happened ur acting different'#oh but let's shove all that aside and stick Mitsuha with the male lead as the love interest even though they have NO romantic chemistry#i'm so sorry but mitsuha and taki should've stayed FRIENDS ONLY.#if they did the movie would've been literally perfect for me#anyways-#rambling#your name#kimi no na wa#mitsuha miyamizu
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I'd like to try this challenge, it might be funny to draw something different. So, to the 4 people that follow me, which are my art style traits? If I have any lol
#evil art style challenge#wren draws stuff#memes#art challenge#let's try alright#like I asked a friend which art style traits I have and she said that my drawings are very round and soft#well actually she defined it like “very delicate and feminine”#which BTW she is right#when I was a teen I used to draw only magical girls that later developed in the “I can't draw boys” fr#I'm not jocking#I started to actually to learn how to draw them after watching JoJo#I'm 😔😔😔#also that one friend told me I should draw more rendered stuff#and when I asked what she meant she answered with “y'know like the jelly artstyle” and I didn't know what to answer
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so I've gotten back into stardew valley hell (I literally have over 420 hours plugged into this game across all the saves I've played (3)) and..
yeah... i made a farmer oc when me and my friends were obsessed with co-op... there is no saving me...
...and i also realized how much i liked elliott.. and you know how things go...
yeah.... i'm not normal about them...
#the honk mimimimimi girl and the honk shooo honk shooo boy#sdv elliott#sdv farmer#sdv#stardew valley#stardew fanart#watch me only post these two with a little sprinkle of alva and isabel eastward art as a treat...#sdv elliot x farmer#god i feel awful using a shipping tag for the first time ever (be cringe and free.. be cringe and free skyla it's ok..)#have never allowed myself to draw anything i want to until just recently on discord#when my friend plagued me with the fuck it we ball mentality#and this is the first time i've tried being cringe and free on tumblr (I'll never be the same again) (craziness attack charging)#if i get more used to drawing ship art then i can spread my evilness to alva and isabel#<- (my 2 eastward mutuals whom i love and cherish forever and always will be ready for that)#anyways guys so i'll never be the same again now that my mind prison has been destroyed (freedom)#I've doodled these guys (elliott and maylie (farmer oc)) so much already and I've just never shown you them yet (I'm evil)#crazy
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Steve is most likely to end up in a lavender marriage and Tony's most likely to end up in a “married for tax/immigration/inheritance fraud” reasons.
They meet as married men and pine for each other hardcore and are also trying not to read too much into how their interest seems reciprocated and oh nooooo both Immigration/the IRS and the the Church/in-laws/DADT era army dudes or whatever are snooping around at the same time at each of their marriages and they have to be so good at being married at the people they are married to oh noooooo and they other guy doesn’t know why they are suddenly being iced out and maybe they were just imagining things? maybe it’s for the best with all these eyes around on them…
#not to get too real but i love queer people. we see each other and we save each other#i wish i could talk in depth about this lgbtq history panel i went to tonight without doxxing myself#but basically all of these panelists were older gay ppl & one of them won a very monumental court case in the state#and right after introductions one of the other panelists turned to her and thanked her so profusely for the sacrifices she had made#and the work she did to win that case#and that by achieving that win for herself she paved the way for this other panelist to have her own family recognized legally by the state#i don't know i'm not explaining it well but something about knowing and seeing that gratitude in real time. understanding so viscerally tha#so much of our history has happened within one or two lifetimes. to the point that many of the champions of our current rights are alive#today for us to learn from and listen to and THANK#i met two nb ppl through school last year and have since become very close to them#they are the only two ppl on this planet who use my pronouns the way i want them to be used. they switch it up every time and i love them#a little bit more each time i hear them talk about me. it's magical#my childhood best friend told me he liked boys and girls like a month after we first met each other in the fourth grade#he told me there's a word for that; he's bisexual#i think abt how incredible that was a lot. how brave he was to say that and to own that and how long it might have taken me to figure#out that i was the same had he not said it.#anyway all this to say that yes absolutely i love this#steve and tony meet at a military gala. steve's being recognized for his service and tony and his wife were invited by some higher-up who#imagined he could use the event as a way to cozy up to him and earn some good favor before negotiations start on SI's contract renewal#their eyes meet while steve's up on stage. he hates these things. hates being dragged into the spotlight. he feels naked and bare and#vulnerable every time. trapped in enemy territory with no cover. but he sucks it up he kisses his wife on the cheek and she smiles#big and beautiful; perfect like they've run their lines 1000 times over. like they could recite each other's parts by heart#he makes his way to the podium. breathes deep to center himself before he launches into his thankless thank-yous. steve's a terrible liar#but somehow he's made it this far in his career. he can manage for one more night. except#right as he lifts his eyes to speak he sees him. bright eyes burning into his from a shadowed table in the corner. the brass speaking at hi#on his left and a lovely woman who's bored and unimpressed on his right. and him looking directly back at steve#steve's breath catches and he chokes on air. trips on his lines. forgets himself and loses the beat of the scene#he looks down at his notes and ignores them. raises his face to the light and plays himself to be seen by an audience of one.#anon#signed sealed delivered
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Cringetober day 5 - MS Paint
I knew I had to draw the Swatchlings for this one for sure it is LITERALLY their home turf. I actually really like using MS Paint, it's so low pressure and I got all these poses out way faster than I would have on Fire Alpaca because I didn't care if they looked sloppy; It's MS Paint! That's the aesthetic of it!
#Emile's Arts#Cringetober#Cringetober 2023#Swatchling#Proship Selfship#Proselfship#I'M SO SORRY PURPLE FOR LEAVING YOU OUT IT WASN'T ON PURPOSE#Sense I was just slapping everyone down as fast as possible the composition ended up only being for five#And I couldn't like... Move them fdskgjfkdgkj#BECAUSE THAT'S HOW MS PAINT WORKS#I WAS going to full color them as well but kfdgjkdf#I was so scared to mess it up and not be able to go back to this good enough looking version#It was both less stressful and MORE stressful but for different reasons#Me and my buff birdie boy and girl friends <3
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Man I can't believe I had the chance to go to a performing arts school up through middle school and I fuckin quit after 6 months just because I got bullied. BRO YOUR HOMEWORK WAS POETRY!! YOU HAD TO PRACTICE DANCING TO COTTON EYE JOE AS YOUR BIG UNIT TEST. GYM CLASS HAD A CIRCUS UNIT!! YOU HAD A WHOLE DAILY CLASS ON IMPROV!!! YOU FOOL!! YOU ABSOLUTE IMBICILE!! YOU COULD HAVE BEEN A YOUTUBER!!! YOU COULD HAVE BEEN ONE OF THOSE TWEENAGERS GETTING LOADED BY MAKING SHITTY YOUTUBE SHORTS IN 2008-14!! But noooOoooOOOoo little miss Noellie (who WANTED TO GO!! who worked SO HARD and sent in an application essay and did an INTERVIEW to get in!!) couldn't handle disruptive classmates or little scuffles and petty grudges and general Attitude of the other students and cried to mommy to put her back in public school. I am EATING MY HAIR over what Could Have Been. I COULD BE SOMEONE'S ANNOYING YOUTUBER!! I could be a DISGRACED DISNEY CHANNEL STAR!! I could be an America's Got Talent winner! A mild to moderately successful comedian! I could be making short films!! But no no no precious thin skinned baby me heard a few new cus words and watched a teacher get heckled and begged to give up The Dream in favor of?? Quiet math tests?? I am such a fucking quitter I quit everything the second it gets too hard I always take the out as soon as it's offered what's my fucking damage.....
#I had SO MUCH POTENTIAL and I SQUANDERED IT!! weak ass third grade PUSSY! Your life could have been SO SICK!!#or you could at least be addicted to cocain or something interesting like that!! Boring ass goody two shoes always just staying home doing#NOTHING bitch make a REAL FRIEND go to a God Damn PARTY live a little instead of just hiding in the closet eating saltine crackers for years#waiting for it to be quiet outside before you ever even toed the line#mentally ill self-isolating motherfucker#you could have shrugged it off you could have GROWN A PAIR and FOUGHT BACK but you just ran and cried for mommy#victim complex little bitch baby always whining and exaggerating and making shit up fucking LIAR I am you and I KNOW what you did and I know#you knew it wasn't the truth and you regretted it the moment it came out of uour mouth but once you'd said it you just swallowed it back and#doubled down incriminating or discrediting others with your lies. For why? Because you didn't like them? You could have ruined someone's#life you wouldn't have hesitated mayhe you did and don't even remember because you cant keep your mouth shut with your pants ablaze#manipulative little shit and to WHAT END? Pity? Sympathy? Attention? Entertainment?? What was even going on in your stupid ugly head?#This is a callout post for my third grade self that possessed demon ass evil nine year old. That kid drowned anthills in olive oil and#poisoned a wild animal once. That kid cut plants just to see if they oozed. That kid modified her whole ass personality on a dime for a boy#she had a crush on. INSTANTLY dropped a LIFELONG CULTURAL ALLEGIANCE (thats what football teams were like back then in our town) because he#said he had the opposite allegiance??? What the fuck? girl had NO integrity none zip zilch.#No empthy either that kid looked at everyone else on earth like they were friggin space aliens and she was the only one with Real feelings.#bitch literally thought like 'I have Feelings they just have Reactions' bitch what the fuckkkkk#that nine year old was fucked the hell up!!!#and for literally NO REASON!! No cause!! Just born fucking evil and weird. jesus fuck.#Evil ass bitch caused her autistic brother months of nightmares and then laughed about it and wrote poetry about how evil he was because he?#was a kid??? Normal sibling rivalry taken way way way too far defamatory ass statements#and this girl had NO CONSEQUENCES because she could lie and manipulate her way out of ANYTHING she had the baby eyes and the helpless charm#and played dumb soooo well . read people like some calculative evil AI scanning their faces for microexpressions and overanalyzing each word#choice like holy shit. its not That Deep. pretentious shit trying to play 5D chess on a checkers board.#Manipulating shit just to see what happens?? zero awareness?? no asking just skipping straight to testing for yourself??#'What happens if I step on this' it fucking breaks 'what does that taste like?' it's not fucking yours to mess with 'if I hit this person#how will they respond?' they'll be upset use your goddamn judgement you are NINE not TWO do you even care a little about any other person??#Are you just living in some other reality???#callout post for the fucking demon child inside of me#im so goddamn problematic I'm so so so deeply mentally disturbed and broken for no reason
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pronouns are so weird i would truly never go by she (as well) irl and i still have my twenty other rules about it online but it's so nice to have them there on my little page it's like a little Flower in a pot a little decoration ... a little he/she action ..
#🐾#like i would only go by she as well irl if the same perimeters were true (friends and/or not cis) BUT I DONT HAVE ANY DAMN FRIENDS .. !#let alone not cis girl i haven't even met another trans person irl#well at the time at least but that's applicable to everything#irs she/her as a treat by people who know me or Get it and know i'm not ACTUALLY anything and it's just Pronounce#it's just cute ..#i'm also not like fem pretty much at all like my favourite colour is pink True i like fashion of all presentations True#but i don't wear it. i wear hoodies and sweats and athletic shorts. and everything is old and handmedown and full of holes and ugly#one of my most work t shirts is from a gift shop .. ACTUALLY TWO. but at least this one's from hawaii#like it's just objectively funny to me i don't know she/hering the weird white boy who doesn't make eye contact
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I've grown to have the hugest little crush on my straight boy friend who's all over dating apps trying to get a girlfriend. Keeps getting stood up, keeps getting played by girls who don't respect his ADORABLENESS. And I'd fucking make out with him for hours but he's straight and I'm closeted so that's not really going to work
#gay ass bitch#straight boy#bruh#he also gets so disrespected by the girls in our friend group#i feel such a strong comradery with him because I'm the only other cis boy in the friend group#and the others are soooo condescending towards him#like dude don't worry about them you're in a different lane#my lane 😭😭😭#ily i'll be your friend though#THEY TALK ABOUT HIM BEHIND HIS BACK TOO LIKE STFU#i know they talk about me tho too so it's fine ig
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I'm just so sick - I'm fucking ill.
I just want someone to look at me and see a man. Please. Even if it only happens just one more time.
Is that really too much to ask for?
#vent#for context - I was confused for a boy a total of two times in my life#halloween in high school I was wearing a binder and wig and people thought I was one of my friends' boyfriend#and once when I was working at Toys R Us and a customer asked if 'the girl who talked to her on the phone was in the store still'#(the person she was referring to being me - I was the only employee on the floor that day)#Like. Fuck man idk I'm absolutely genderfluid#but when people consistently only ever want to refer to you as your AGAB you start to go fucking insane#it kills me inside#it's not a fucking option anymore. If you only ever refer to me as my AGAB you don't get to choose to keep doing so#mix it up or just fucking get out
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Random thing to say but it's Pride month still so fuck it
This year came with the realization I'm also demigirl :Dc
#I've always felt close to my femininity but not as much as I wanted to tbh#if people were to associate purely female-assigned stuff like skirts or needing to have a child when I grow up I'd feel very uncomfortable#now I finally understand why that happens#I mostly have boy friends than girl friends because I can relate to the former aspect more than the latter#but there's still that point where both sides are not what I am fully.. like I can feel masculine or feminine but not to an extreme#never felt completely neutral either#in fact I don't connect with neutral pronouns.. it feels like it's not me when people refer to me with they/them#i also feel uncomfy being referred to as trans or as nb because I feel like I'm a girl most of the time but still to a certain extent#I started using he/him and they feel kinda nice although it needs time to get used to#so yeah.. demigirl fits more than bigender or genderfluid for me tbh#if anyone's a she/him demigirl please let me know because I feel like I'm the only one here HGDFHGDFS#wanda talks#pride#pride month#demigirl#demigirl pride#queer#lgbtq+#lgbt community
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being aroace is weird bc i’m queer but other queer ppl for the most part don’t understand the way i’m queer unless theyre also aro and/or ace
#i belong to the queer community but ppl think i'm an asterisk#queer on a technicality#queer because i'm definitely definitely definitely not straight#and i relate to other ppl under the queer umbrella but i feel like they don't. relate. to me#most likely bc they haven't seen or heard from many ppl w my experience which is...... hmph#bc i didn't really see or hear from anyone w my experience until i realized... oh shit that's me#& had to go seeking out others. i had to be inclined for my own self-interested reasons. which were totally fair#but like most other ppl are just. not. inclined to learn about aspecs especially not arospecs#which frankly i think i just get more and more aro w age#tales from diana#i'm gray aro (but very VERY aro okay very very disinterested in romance & borderline romance repulsed)#it's happened a couple times.... briefly for the most part. the 'gray' area is not very important to me nowadays#but when i was younger & i had NO CLUE i was aro & i just wanted romance i was very very confused#trying to figure out if i liked girls or not...... which i do....... but like...... in the same...... lukewarm way i liked boys#so i am sapphic and when i finally started to accept that side of myself around 18-19 it felt very important to me#& i still am sapphic. i still am queer in that way. but i hardly hardly ever care to define myself as bi these days.#not because i'm NOT bi anymore. but bc the way almost everyone uses 'bi' i just don't really feel represents me.#im aroace... that's what i am. other aroaces & their experiences represent me#my friends irl all know i'm queer but only like 3 of them even know i'm ace. bc it's not easy to come out as.#but i... do not like to tell ppl i'm bi. not anymore. they get the wrong assumptions in their head.#& those assumptions don't make me uncomfortable except for. it's not ME.#that's the only thing wrong w it. it's that there's this big missing MOST OF MY IDENTITY in my relationships.#i wish ppl fuckin understood more widely the aspec experience. for real.#my fellow aspecs i love you all btw.
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a poem! a poem! a poem for my love! @sluttylittlenewsboy i hope you like this when you see it my dear<3
being raised a little girl is hard.
because you're allowed to play in the mud
and get dirty
until magically one day
someone decides it's time for you
to be a 'lady'
but that never felt quite right, did it?
put on an itchy
uncomfortable
dress
and sit still for hours upon hours
in church
at home
in school
'why can't i just go play with my boy friends?' we asked.
there was never an answer, was there.
i think you and i would have been best friends
as children.
i never quite thought of myself as
girl
but there was no other option
so that's what i call her
that little girl
who sat with the people eating alone at lunch
because they looked sad
who was the loud ugly kid in school
would we have been friends?
if only from the fact that no one else would talk to me
and you seem like the kind of person
to sit under a tree at recess
where i would have been up in it
grinning down with missing teeth
and skinned knees
#zee's scribbles!#fun story#i had one (1) ☝️ friend up until literally sixth grade#because they were the only one in the school who was weird too#i'm still friends with them <3 moon my beloved (their name but not their name for privacy lmao)#i used to hang out with the boys before me and them were friends#i remember the first crush i ever had#his name was judah and he was the only guy nice to me#i'm pretty sure he thought i was a boy too so like even better#anyway.#on girlhood#and on not quite being a girl anymore in more ways than one :)
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