#i'm awkward
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Idk bro you're like so cool but like idk how to talk to you😞😞😞
GUYS IM SO COOL AND AWESOME AND NICE BUT IM AWFUL AT STARTING CONVOS HIIIII
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i do too thats why im here instead of .... i don't know where maybe just wandering
- quests
I walk a lonely road the only one that I have ever known
Sorry the word wandering reminds me of that song
#I'm surprised that you like talking to me#I'm not good at talking#Sometimes#Most of the time#I'm awkward
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I'm gonna be alone forever
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No one talks about HOW RIDICULOUSLY DIFFICULT it is to make friend as an autistic adult ?
(Someone just told me I was "nice to be around" and I feel like crying because it was genuine)
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Omg we went to Chili's and one of the servers there was soooo cute, had piercings and was so my type. They kept looking at me when they brought stuff to our table and I had to muster up courage to say thank you each time. I told the hubby our server was really cute. 😳 🫣
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There is this couple at the resort i'm at who are very clearly lesbians and I wish I was brave enough to like say something or even do the ✨💅✨ thing but alas I'm social anxious and I cant talk to strangers. Hopefully the multicolored pixie cut is enough to let them know I'm one of them.
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Zelda goes mushroom girl
#tloz#a link to the past#zelda#link#my art#I was happy with that first one but for some reason decided it still needed a companion piece so I spent way too long on that second one...#I don't think there was any time during the progress where I was happy with it but hfduhdfu at least I got to Attempt drawing moss hell yea#I also at some point sat in Pyu's art stream and said I enjoy drawing legs As I was being murdered by the infamously impossibe (imo) squat.#it's ok I had fun !! but I need to learn how to let doodles be doodles or I'll never finish stuff at this rate dfsuhfd#if everything in my tloz tag looks like it was drawn by different people uuuh 2023 was art crisis year ngl......#I'm falling back into my old ways rn though#anyway I think about these two a lot I think they're both stone faced and awkward ppl in different ways but they try rly hard to be friends#like I like to think it starts out so incredibly awkward and a bit sad bc they keep stepping over each other's toes accidentally the harder#they try but idk they find comfy middle ground idk in my brain they have a very interesting friendship I wanna get around to drawing it#in a proper way that might make sense....#if I don't write 200 tags I will die maybe it's bc I grew up on dA or smth#and yes I know how to find 1 (one) type of mushroom /I/ am not mushroom girl unfortunately smh
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AziraCrow | Book Reading
(Scroll down for mini story vvvv) + (Companion Piece)
Aziraphale liked books, especially the old ones. They were the main reason for owning his bookshop, after all.
He loved reading them, too. Sitting quietly in the back of his bookshop with a good book and the occasional accompaniment of an old record made for quite the delightful evening, in his opinion. Despite his being handless (and therefore, fingerless), Aziraphale was perfectly capable of turning pages on his own. Not with his talons of course; Heaven only knew the trouble that would come from attempting to turn the aging and potentially fragile paper with such unreliable instruments. It would be a simple enough fix if a page did happen to tear, but the memory would haunt him forever. Instead, all it took was a flick of his wing and woosh, the pages would turn themselves. Sometimes he just had to ask nicely. However, there were times that he didn't need to expend the effort.
Those times just so happened to coincide with a particularly serpentine visitor.
Crowley's visits were irregular and not always predictable. Most of the time he would pop in to complain about Who-Knows-What and disappear off to Who-Knows-Where. Sometimes he would stay longer, and they would share a glass of wine or some other alcohol, chatting a lot about nothing and reminiscing about times long passed until the shadows grew long. On rare occasions they would sit in comfortable silence, doing nothing more than enjoying each other's company. Aziraphale would then pick a book to read and Crowley would slither over to join him.
Of course, Crowley didn't like reading - or at least claimed he didn't. 'Not worth his time,' he'd say dismissively. Still, he (bored expression and all) would come, make himself comfortable by coiling around both the book stand and Aziraphale, and just watch. Just about anyone on Earth would likely be uncomfortable being stared down by such an intense gaze, but not Aziraphale. Over the many millennia, he has grown used to being observed by those golden eyes. Dare he say, he even found it comforting in a way, but that was besides the point.
He wasn't sure how it started; perhaps Crowley found himself overly bored that day, but he began turning the book pages whenever Aziraphale raised his wing to compel them instead. It had started him at first, and he had looked to Crowley with much confusion, though the demon had nothing to say in return. He merely shrugged (or at least it could be considered the serpentine equivalent of a shrug) and turned away. A few more pages in, and he'd turn them again. This happened over and over until Aziraphale heaved a sigh gave in, allowing the serpent to do as he wanted. At first, it was quite awkward to give verbal cues, and there were times when he became so engrossed in his reading that he forgot entirely, but eventually they settled into a comfortable rhythm. Nowadays he didn't even bother. It had become almost automatic: Aziraphale would finish the page and it would turn, no questions asked.
Aziraphale suspected it would baffle the minds of many to see a demon treat anything so gently, yet Crowley turned the pages in such a way that they were never bent nor crumpled. In fact, it seemed to him that the older the book was, the gentler Crowley'd be. He seemed... 'content' was the wrong word to describe his attitude towards the activity, but he never said a word otherwise. At least, not to Aziraphale.
He never pointed this out, of course. Crowley would stop doing it if he did, and he didn't WANT him to stop. He enjoyed it too much.
Once in a blue moon, Crowley would make a comment about whatever Aziraphale was reading at the time. It was often snide, mocking, not always audible. Hisses of exasperation or an exaggerated eye roll were not uncommon either. Then he would turn away, bored despondence washing over his face, shutting down any attempts to further the conversation. Not that he would respond if Aziraphale did, though that hadn't stopped him from trying. On one occasion Aziraphale had tried to push the topic, only for Crowley to deflect, insisting that he had only glanced the passage at random. He stopped turning the pages then. Aziraphale never tried again and settled with only giving him sidelong glances when he said something particularly egregious.
And so they would read, the silence broken only by the ticking of an old clock and the occasionally rustle of a page.
...
Aziraphale liked his books.
He liked reading them alone in his bookshop.
But he liked them best when Crowley was there to turn the pages for him.
#katiefrog217#good omens#my art#aziracrow#fanart#ineffable husbands#aziraphale#azirabirb#snake crowley#good omens crowley#crowley x aziraphale#anthony j crowley#crowley#dove aziraphale#mini comic#good omens fanart#good omens art#writing#good omens writing#I'm bad at comics don't come for me#I haven't written in a while so if the prose is awkward I apologize#ineffable idiots#ineffable spouses
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He's into arts and crafts now. Good for him.
We are having a ladle appreciation party
#genshin impact#my stuff#neuvillette#genshin spoilers#lantern rite#lantern rite spoilers#look at this thing#so cute#and leisurely#like an otter#btw I wonder does he know how he looks in a dragon form?#also wriothesley I'll be very angry if I don't see that clay tablet displayed in a special place#with the reverence it deserves#btw I think it's not the first time he makes things#he also made medals for carole and vautrin#and maybe that special vision for furina#but all in all#I'm glad to see that he's as weird and delightfully awkward as usual
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You think you can take me down twice?
BLUE EYE SAMURAI (2023)
#i think she can take you down as many times as she likes and you'd be into it#love that for once a scene like this ends with an actual canonical hard on#and love taigen's chill if awkward reaction even though he believes mizu is a man#honestly cliche though it is i'm not not into them#taigen#mizu#love them#mizu x taigen#blue eye samurai#tv#my posts
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A lot of us with ADHD are familiar with the concept of time blindness, but for anyone who isn't: it's a neurological inability to have a consistent sense of the passage of time. If you put me in an empty room, gave me a button and told me to press it when I think it's been 15 minutes, I might press it after..... idk, anywhere between 3 minutes and 2 hours? And if we repeated it the next day the result would probably be wildly different!
But something I've only seen mentioned in one (1) Reddit post, which took some extensive digging to find, is the same effect extending to ALL things measured in numbers. Distance, weight, length, height, amount, space, volume, percentage... For me, small numbers are a bit easier, I could approximate a centimetre probably, but a metre would be much harder and 10 or 100 would likely miss the mark by a lot. Also, anything that can't be easily measured with a ruler or a measuring tape (like weight or volume) is even harder since I don't encounter reference points (like a 1kg hand weight) for those as frequently as I see visual representations of specific lengths.
It's not dyscalculia or anything like that, I'm decent at math (and the OP of the Reddit post was a math major) and I have no other difficulties with numbers, it's just a disconnect in translating real life experiences like sensory input into numbers (and possibly also inconsistent processing of sensory input? Like how the same sound volume is okay one day but hurts my ears the next?), which I think is basically the same thing as what happens with time blindness. For now I've been calling it "measurement blindness" since I've never seen a name for it anywhere, but maybe "quantity blindness" could also work?
I've talked to other people with time blindness to see if they experience this too, but so far none of them have known what I'm talking about. I'd really like to know how many of us are out there and if anyone knows literally anything actually scientific about this very inconvenient phenomenon!
Tl;dr: bc I am wordy:
It's like time blindness but for all things measured in numbers
Not dyscalculia or caused by it
Pretty much never seen it talked about anywhere
Please tell me if it sounds familiar and/or you know something about it, thank
#adhd#time blindness#let me tell you it gets real fucking awkward every time someone asks for my estimate on anything numbers based#like 'hey kuura how far would you say the store is? like a km maybe one and a half?'#and i'm like buddy you'd get a better answer from a toddler than me#and even if i took a precisely 1km walk every day#it would feel like a different distance every fucking time#especially if the route was always different#nd things
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you're grabbing lunch with a nice man and he gives you that strange grimace-smile that's popular right now; an almost sardonic "twist" of his mouth while he looks literally down on you. it looks like he practiced the move as he leans back, arms folded. he just finished reciting the details of NFTs to you and explaining Oppenheimer even though he only watched a youtube about it and hasn't actually seen it. you are at the bottom of your wine glass.
you ask the man across from you if he has siblings, desperately looking for a topic. literally anything else.
he says i don't like small talk. and then he smiles again, watching you.
a few years ago, you probably would have said you're above celebrity gossip, but honestly, you've been kind of enjoying the dumb shit of it these days. with the rest of the earth burning, there's something familiar and banal about dragging ariana grande through the mud. you think about jeanette mccurdy, who has often times gently warned the world she's not as nice as she appears. you liked i'm glad my mom died but it made you cry a lot.
he doesn't like small talk, figure out something to say.
you want to talk about responsibility, and how ariana grande is only like 6 days older than you are - which means she just turned 30 and still dresses and acts like a 13 year old, but like sexy. there's something in there about the whole thing - about insecurity, and never growing up, and being sexualized from a young age.
people have been saying that gay people are groomers. like, that's something that's come back into the public. you have even said yourself that it's just ... easier to date men sometimes. you would identify as whatever the opposite of "heteroflexible" is, but here you are again, across from a man. you like every woman, and 3 people on tv. and not this guy. but you're trying. your mother is worried about you. she thinks it's not okay you're single. and honestly this guy was better before you met, back when you were just texting.
wait, shit. are you doing the same thing as ariana grande? are you looking for male validation in order to appease some internalized promise of heteronormativity? do you conform to the idea that your happiness must result in heterosexuality? do you believe that you can resolve your internal loneliness by being accepted into the patriarchy? is there a reason dating men is easier? why are you so scared of fucking it up with women? why don't you reach out to more of them? you have a good sense of humor and a big ol' brain, you could have done a better job at online dating.
also. jesus christ. why can't you just get a drink with somebody without your internal feminism meter pinging. although - in your favor (and judgement aside) in the case of your ariana grande deposition: you have been in enough therapy you probably wouldn't date anyone who had just broken up with their wife of many years (and who has a young child). you'd be like - maybe take some personal time before you begin this journey. like, grande has been on broadway, you'd think she would have heard of the plot of hamlet.
he leans forward and taps two fingers to the table. "i'm not, like an andrew tate guy," he's saying, "but i do think partnership is about two people knowing their place. i like order."
you knew it was going to be hard. being non-straight in any particular way is like, always hard. these days you kind of like answering the question what's your sexuality? with a shrug and a smile - it's fine - is your most common response. like they asked you how your life is going and not to reveal your identity. you like not being straight. you like kissing girls. some days you know you're into men, and sometimes you're sitting across from a man, and you're thinking about the power of compulsory heterosexuality. are you into men, or are you just into the safety that comes from being seen with them? after all, everyone knows you're failing in life unless you have a husband. it almost feels like a gradebook - people see "straight married" as being "all A's", and anything else even vaguely noncompliant as being ... like you dropped out of the school system. you cannot just ignore years of that kind of conditioning, of course you like attention from men.
"so let's talk boundaries." he orders more wine for you, gesturing with one hand like he's rousing an orchestra. sir, this is a fucking chain restaurant. "I am not gonna date someone who still has male friends. also, i don't care about your little friends, i care about me. whatever stupid girls night things - those are lower priority. if i want you there, you're there."
he wasn't like this over text, right? you wouldn't have been even in the building if he was like this. you squint at him. in another version of yourself, you'd be running. you'd just get up and go. that's what happens on the internet - people get annoyed, and they just leave. you are locked in place, almost frozen. you need to go to the bathroom and text someone to call you so you have an excuse, like it's rude to just-leave. like he already kind of owns you. rudeness implies a power paradigm, though. see, even your social anxiety allows the patriarchy to get to you.
you take a sip of the new glass of wine. maybe this will be a funny story. maybe you can write about it on your blog. maybe you can meet ariana grande and ask her if she just maybe needs to take some time to sit and think about her happiness and how she measures her own success.
is this settling down? is this all that's left in your dating pool? just accepting that someone will eventually love you, and you have to stop being picky about who "makes" you a wife?
you look down to your hand, clutching the knife.
#writeblr#this is a mashup of like 3 dates i accidentally went on lol#by that i mean that i was out with a woman on a date in 2 of these situations#and a man just. joined us. and we were too awkward to say anything while he tried to ''date'' me#& one was a longterm friend that i was like. you what????#like he's nice he's a doctor and my mom was SO happy she was like raquel think about it#''it's a perfect love story you grew up together and reconnected as adults and like the same things and he's friends with ur brother#and his sister is one of ur close friends!!!''#yes but alas. he is a boy . she only likes girls. can i make it any more obvious#anyway im tryna write about like the force of male attention being actually incredibly ingrained to women like we are SUPPOSED to like it#it's seen as the only important thing#even if ur gay#and it's a nuanced thing idk#and while rn i i.d. as lesbian#like .... it wouldn't be UNTRUE to say i am probably like ''cusp bisexual'' bc i CAN experience attraction to men bc like .#sexuality is fluid...#don't tell straight ppl tho bc they do not understand the concept that ppl don't necessarily need a solid everlasting label#they're like GET in the BOX#if ur gay & in boston i'm 30 and pretty please come kiss me.#(i usually only date older ppl sorry in advance tho)
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‼️spoiler‼️ (chapter 63)
uhm so that happened...
(i was NOT ready omfg)
#the different emotions i went thru while reading this chapter...#I'm sorry i spoiled most of the chapter BUT I NEEDED A PLACE TO SCREAM HELP#CHAPTER 63 WOULD HAUNT ME FOR DAYS#the apothecary diaries#jinshi#maomao#kusuriya no hitorigoto#I WENT FROM LAUGHING OVER THAT AWKWARD MOMENT AND BICKERING TO SCREAMING OVER THE LAST PANEL OMFG I NEED TO TAKE A BREAK#update : just realised he was FCKING MOANING holy shit
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HOW DID I GO FROM GROWING UP TO BREAKING DOWN? // ON GROWING UP
Mother Mother Mamma Told Me // unknown // 어른들은 몰라요 Young Adult Matters (2021) dir. Hwan Lee // Kristin Chang Churching // unknown // Salman Rushdie East, West // Lorde Ribs // Cameron Awkward-Rich The Child Formerly Known As _____ // Lorde // unknown // Leanna Firestone Least Favorite Only Child // リリイ・シュシュのすべて All About Lily Chou-Chou (2001) dir. Shunji Iwai // Richard Siken Crush // unknown // Hala Alyan I'm Not Speaking First
#mix of sad quotes bc i'm sad lol#web weave#web weaving#poetry compilation#poetry#spilled thoughts#spilled ink#dark academia#dark academia poetry#poem#writing#words#spilled poetry#dark academia quote#mother mother#young adult matters#kristin chang#salman rushdie#lorde#cameron awkward rich#leanna firestone#all about lily chou chou#richard siken#hala alyan#kdrama#jdrama#spilled words#spilled writing#text#quote
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Mmm, thinking about Ghost going on a date with reader after not having been in a proper relationship in years
He was never one for hookups, and he could never keep long-term relationships. Most lasted about a month at most before he backed out.
Fast forward to now, he's been invited out by you. He figures it'll be like most other dates, a quick dinner at a noisy restaurant before he gets overwhelmed and leaves.
To his surprise, it isn't. You kept his comfort in mind and suggested a walk by the bay instead.
When he walks beside you in silence, you don't seem to take offense. In fact, you don't seem to mind at all. You fill in his silence with easy conversation, keeping it focused on you and not trying to pry into his personal life.
You don't hesitate when he responds with one word answers, instead taking the opportunity to discuss an interest of your own. By the time it's long past dark out, you offer to take him home, apologizing for not acknowledging the time sooner. He didn't want to stop listening to your voice
When he declines your offer, you smile. You tell him to stay safe, to rest well, and to text you when he gets home.
At his apartment, he can't stop thinking about you. About how polite and kind you were. About how you actually cared about his feelings, how you weren't off put by him.
He glances at his phone.
You receive a text at 1 in the morning. A simple 'Back safe.'
#Mhm and then he stares at his phone for 3 hours#Trying to figure out how to tell you he wants to go on another date#He's worried he's gonna fuck it up#It's been a hot minute since anyone (outside of the 141) has cared about him#Give him some time#If you reach out first his ass will panic and accidentally ghost you#Ironic isn't it#ghost x reader#simon ghost riley x reader#simon riley x reader#gn!reader#ghost x gn reader#His ass is socially awkward and autistic#I wanted to make this into a fic but I still haven't slept and it's 6 in the morning#So I'm putting this out so I don't forget about it
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is it mean that i legit think that a large portion of young people who claim to be asexual are just socially inept so no one wants to date or have sex with them, leading to a large group of virgins who go 'well, i didn't want to be with anyone anyway!', meanwhile they are constantly hornyposting and talking about how sexually attracted they are to fictional characters?
#just saw a poll with like 16000 votes and a QUARTER claim to be asexual#sorry that is complete cap i know a bunch of you just don't have any real life relationship experience because you never leave the house#i'm not saying this as an insult#i am also often socially inept and have never had a proper relationship#that doesn't make me asexual i'm just awkward and autistic and high standards
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