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i-want-my-iwtv · 3 years

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I hope the rumours of Louis being a brothel owner aren't true, but if they are I can sort of see why they're going for this route? I mean, with a black Louis they can't have him being a slaver anymore, so maybe they're trying to find something that is also morally reprehensible for him to be.

TL;DR: My kneejerk reaction was to be saddened, and I don’t like that this is starting up, and will continue to fuel, fandom drama. Ultimately, if we want peace, we’ll embrace the fact that the existence of this adaptation doesn’t take away from the existence of the books, and it also doesn't mean we have to acknowledge it.

It makes me wonder whether AMC wants us to make a storm about this. We’ll see...

After all, what makes this adaptation any more important than the graphic novels of the ’90s, the graphic novel Claudia’s Story, movie!IWTV, or movie!QOTD? In fact, many fans here on tumblr consider VC to be a trilogy only!!! and don’t accept the majority of the PUBLISHED CANON so what makes anyone think we have any obligation to swallow this AMC adaptation as some kind of gospel?

I see movie!QOTD as a buffet of ideas carried in an official fanfiction work, and I don’t accept as my headcanon the various things it changed about the books that I didn’t particularly like, such as merging Magnus and Marius (which, IMO, effectively made both characters more morally reprehensible). I accepted the things I did enjoy, like casting a Black/POC actress to play Akasha. I see this AMC adaptation as a buffet of ideas, some can be taken, and some not, it’s just another official fanfiction work.

[Anon, I need to catch other ppl up on the information, too.]

Deadline.com informs us that in the AMC adaptation for Interview with the Vampire, Jacob Anderson has been cast as Louis. I'm not familiar with him, but it looks like he’s a successful actor, from Game of Thrones and other things, he’s also joining Series 13 of Doctor Who. I’ll have to check him out from an acting standpoint!

Aside from his talent as an actor, this is by far the most controversial thing that's happened in VC fandom recently. I've been thinking about this for a few months now, talking about it privately online and offline, still gathering my thoughts. So this post is not engraved in stone, it’s initial thoughts on this.

I’m glad to see ppl talking about it and I’m sure we’ll have more public discussions. I’m trying to discuss it very carefully, but also, this is an entertainment blog, my opinions are mine alone, and I’m not looking for dogpiling on anyone, I have no obligation to respond publicly or privately to anything. Plenty of other ppl have differing opinions on this. So take all of the following with more than a grain of salt, I’m not being salty, I’m providing the links to the little info we’ve seen pulicly, I’m giving my initial thoughts, and I’m also trying to add a little levity because ultimately, again, this is an entertainment blog, and I try to add a little humor to help with such serious topics, humor can help ppl talk about controversial things.

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The casting of a POC/Black actor (I’m sorry I don't know the preferred terminology, let me know if you know what Anderson prefers) confirms at least one part of theilluminerdi articles that stated that Louis’ race will be different from the books. I didn’t post about these before bc I wasn’t sure how reliable theilluminerdi’s sources are (and I'm still not sure), but this was one major aspect that theilluminerdi announced before Deadline did, so now seems to be the right time to share those articles. For now, you can go check them out yourselves rather than have my reposting of the information, trigger warning: mentions of sex workers and race in the changes to the canon story of Interview with the Vampire.

>>>theilluminerdi articles from May 21, 2021 and July 15, 2021:

www.theilluminerdi.com/2021/05/21/interview-with-the-vampire-amc

www.theilluminerdi.com/2021/07/15/interview-with-the-vampire-amc-2

^Meme of Dr. Ian Malcom from Jurassic Park reads: “Your writers were so preoccupied with whether they could that they didn’t stop to think if they should.”

I’m using that meme with a little levity here, clearly an AMC adaptation of vampires in which the producers/writers have chosen to change the race of a main character (arguably the original protagonist of the series) isn’t in the same VICINITY as the dinosaurs in Jurassic Park that broke out of containment and killed visitors to the park, but John Hammond’s intention for the creation of that park was very good, as I assume this race change was intended. Time will tell.

“But with this place, I wanted to show them something that wasn't an illusion. Something that was real, something that they could see and touch. An aim not devoid of merit.”

“Creation is an act of sheer will.”

- John Hammond, Jurassic Park

Race is a more complicated subject than ever, so for AMC to make this bold change, I hope they have POC and Black writers on staff and are handling this very carefully. Even then, no racial group, including POC and Black people, are a hivemind, disagreements are bound to happen in the writing room, whether in good faith or bad. People have different intentions and motives, compromises will probably be made with the story in many ways, we all know how it goes with collaborations; the end product is a shared vision among multiple creators. This could be a potentially controversial adaptation, I don’t know whether they’re aiming for that or not, but with the elements it has so far, it seems to be headed that way.

Here's a comment by "Angellus" on the 5/21 article. It's undeniable that there's going to be the accusation of racism thrown at anyone who has any negative view of this change, regardless of their reasons. I find it unfair and narrow-minded that any negative response is automatically assumed to be coming from a racist point of view. To say that changing Louis' race is unequivocally an improvement fails to take into account how that change has a Domino effect on all of the other parts of the story. Not the least of which is that, if he is still a slaver/slave holder/plantation owner/(insert your preferred term) that adds a whole new racist element to his owning Black/POC people, even though, apparently there were Black/POC plantation owners.

Not the least of which: How will this change impact his relationship with Lestat? Particularly when Lestat has the added issue of being described in those articles as having “mind control abilities” and “insistent that he gets what he wants and when facing rejection,” a terrible combination in terms of consent, even in a relationship of the same race, let alone invoking Caucasian/white dominance over Black/POC people, AND Lestat being the catalyst to Louis’ questioning his sexuality:

Lestat is insistent that he gets what he wants and when facing rejection, petulance can quickly turn to ruthless rage which causes frenzied acts of horrifically brutal violence. Lestat also has mind control abilities. Lestat initially infuriates Louis, but this soon turns to fascination which leads Louis to question his religion and sexuality.

^Screencap reads: "I love how racist everyone is in the damn comments, this doesn’t pervert the story you’re all racist and it’s disgusting. I’m looking forward to it, I hope you keep crying your salty racist tears asswipes."

It makes me question whether Angellus truly believes what they wrote, if this is an ideology, or a troll. I would suggest their use of the term “pervert” is correct though, pervert means: “alter (something) from its original course, meaning, or state to a distortion or corruption of what was first intended.” That’s what this race change does, factually. Although, in this context, “distortion or corruption” carries a negative connotation. It would take a lot to show how this change does not meet the definition or “to pervert,” though.

I hope the rumours of Louis being a brothel owner aren't true

I agree 1,000%, I was hoping that these were just rumors. But, aside from the race change, if this were the only change, I find Louis being a brothel owner to be equivalently morally reprehensible to being a slaver/slave holder/plantation owner/(insert your preferred term). Ideally, they’d change his career to something that doesn’t involve benefiting from the bodies/labor of others in any morally reprehensible manner.

I mean, with a black Louis they can't have him being a slaver anymore, so maybe they're trying to find something that is also morally reprehensible for him to be.

He might still be a slaver. Who knows. Being morally reprehensible as a mortal man didn’t seem to me to be crucial to the story, but they still could have chosen something better. It seems to me like they want a brothel so they can have eye candy for an audience who want to see sex workers, maybe full frontal nudity.

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What also gets my attention is that Anne and Christopher Rice have not yet posted publicly about it, which leads me to believe that this change wasn’t their choice. They take every chance to brag when they’re proud of something, every chance to crowdsource about casting ideas or which VC books Anne’s fans liked best, etc., and in this case, as of Aug. 31, 2021, (and to be fair, maybe I missed it), I haven’t seen either of them post about this on the official VC FB, Anne Rice’s FB, Annerice.com, Christopher Rice’s FB, or christopherricebooks.com. If it had been their choice, I think they would have gladly trumpeted their credit by now, but maybe they’re waiting to do it in a specific venue. Time will tell.

#vampire chronicles #interview with the vampire #louis de pointe du lac #race #racism #tw race #tw racism #tw sex worker #jurassic park #memeything #ian malcolm #anon #ask #anne rice #christopher rice #long post #iwantmyiwtv has opinions #Jacob Anderson #vc casting

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atinydise · 4 years

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Ateez saying something hurtful to their s/o (2/2)

❦ Genre: Angst.

❦ Pairing: OT8.

❦ Word count: Around 2k.

❦ Masterlist.

Part 1

SAN

San and you were dating for 6 months. You were really close. Sharing the same braincell sometimes. As a couple, you got your good and hard times. Especially when San was jealous. You knew how to comfort him but this time, you didn’t want to.

It was summer, it means the time of parties. Ateez were invited to Oneus Summer Party. San invited you, you were his girlfriend. He knew you could have a good time, dancing, singing. As a party you wanted to look pretty for your man. So, you choose a black skinny dress and white sneakers. It was 9 pm when you hear a knock at your door. You took your jacket and opened the door. “Hi babe.” Said San. He couldn’t leave his eyes from you. But didn’t said anything, except “ready to go?” “Yes! You look gorgeous San-ie!” he nodded and went back to the car were all the members were waiting for you. When you entered the car, all their eyes were on you. “Oh, wow Y/N! You are so pretty!” Yelled Wooyoung. “Thank you!” You giggled. The rest of the road was funny, all the boys were excited. But you noticed that San was a bit distant. Maybe there was something in his mind. You’ll asked when both of you would be alone. The car stopped and the boys rushed to the big house in front of you. Oneus was not joking with this party. You saw San walking in front of you with Wooyoung and Xion. You bowed to the host and thanked him for the invitation. You heard the music being louder, everyone was shouting. Ravn with a mic in his hand, “THE PARTY CAN BEGIN!!” You joined Ateez on the dancefloor. They managed to attire all the attention because of their amazing moves. You watched your boyfriend, he was killing it. He was really enjoying dancing and singing. This career was made for him. After few minutes of dance, you find a way out of the crowd. It was hot and intense. Water was needed. You went to the bar, asking “Hi can I get a virgin Mojito?” “Yes of course, pretty lady.” Complimented you the bartender. You blushed lightly. One thought crossed your mind. Everyone said that you were pretty, but your boyfriend didn’t. Maybe he didn’t like the dress. You started to over-think when the bartender gave you your glass. “Here’s your virgin-Mojito, beautiful.” “Thank you.” You started to walk out of the bar when he said, “Can I get your number at least? I don’t want to miss the opportunity to talk with you again.” Before you have enough time to say no, you heard San voice. “Sorry but she’s taken.” Putting his hand on your waist. The other guy said sorry and went back to his work. Your boyfriend was leading you to a quiet corner. “Ouch, San! You are hurting me.” His grips on your waist was strong. He was definitively pissed. “Can you stop being so flirty with everyone?” He whispered to you. You could barely hear him because of the loud music, but his words were loud and hurtful into your heart. “What? I was just taking my cocktail, I- don’t-.” “I know how you are when you are flirting with someone!” Moving closer to your face. “No, you don’t! I wasn’t flirting with this guy!” He scoffed, “And why did you choose this dress then? It’s so short! Everyone can look at you!” You sighed, San was jealous, once again. You know now why he didn’t say anything about your outfit since he came to your house. “I wanted to look pretty for you, San-ie…” you gripped his arms slowly for comfort him. But you didn’t expect him to push you lightly. “This dress is a problem! I can’t handle it. And why are you so flirty? Why are you so easy?” You looked at him, shocked. How dare he? You just wanted to slap him, but it won’t help to fix this situation. “Okay then bye.” That’s the only words you could say at the moment. You couldn’t believe your ears. San was always happy when you made yourself pretty for him. And to be honest, you wore few skirts shorter than this dress at your dates. Angrily, you exited the party and walked towards your house. Hopefully that wasn’t too far.

MINGI

Mingi and you were good friends, well before his debut in Ateez. You both know that you have feeling each other but kind of feel shy about it. You crossed the lines many times, exchanged kisses but doing like nothing happened 1 minute later. Since the Wonderland comeback, Mingi was feeling alone and depressed because of his back pain. You decided to take care of him. But he doesn’t see this like you.

You texted Mingi for prevent that you will be at Ateez dorm in 10 minutes with a lot of movies. You received a simple “ok” 1 minute later. You couldn’t stop thinking about your friend being alone day and night since Ateez was promoting Wonderland in Korea and overseas. He told you that everything was okay, but you know how he likes to be with his team and Atinys. When you knocked at the door dorm, you weren’t expecting him to open this fast. Was he waiting for you? “Hi Mingi!” you smiled at him. “Hi Y/N. It’s been a while.” As he stepped back to let you enter in the apartment. You giggled, “I’ve been here yesterday!”. “I know but it’s long here without you.” You pushed him softly, “such a playboy” you thought. “I took good movies for us tonight!” you almost yelled from excitement. You take out all the DVDs of your bag. “Jurassic Park, Narnia, Glass...” As he looks at the cover, “Good choices Y/N.” You smiled, proud of you. You went to the kitchen for prepare the popcorn, as always. You opened all the cupboard to find the pack but nothing. “Mingi where’s the popcorn?” as you entered back to the living-room seeing your friend busy with the TV. “On the top of the fridge, I’ll help you to get it.” He stood up from the couch, but you shouted at him. “No! Think of your back, I’ll get it!” He sighed, “I can do it, it’s not high.” You put yourself between Mingi and the fridge, “No! I’ll take a chair and do it by myself!” He massaged his temple. Pissed. But you didn’t care. He needed to rest. “You can go back to the TV, I’ll be here in 5 minutes!” He hummed and left the kitchen. You took a chair and reached the popcorn on the fridge. “Don’t dare to start before me Song Mingi!” you threatened your friend. He was mad. You know it. Mingi was never silent with you except when something bothers him. After few minutes, you went back to the living-room, sitting next to him. He was on his phone, scrolling on Twitter. He loved to see Atiny’s posts, with his fake account, even follow one of them sometimes. You played the movie. He chose Narnia. You were already at the scene were the kid meet the Icy Queen, when you saw that Mingi wasn’t paying any attention to the movie. Still on his phone. “Are Atinys saying interesting things? You are not leaving your phone.” As you grab few popcorns. He hummed again. You started to be annoyed. He can be mad of course, but you were just trying to help him. Like that he could go back to Ateez, fast as possible. You put back your concentration on the movie. 30 minutes later, you noticed that he was still on his phone. Playing candy crush. “Mingi if you wanted to be alone, you could just tell me before I came here.” You said frustrated. For the first time since the movie started, he paid attention to you. “I don’t know what you mean.” “You are not watching the movie.” As you pointed the phone on his hands. “Oh, now I can’t use my phone? I can’t help you to reach popcorn and now this?” You scoffed, “what the heck are you talking about? You’re really mad because-“. “I can do it by myself Y/N! Stop doing everything for me like I was an incapable!” he tossed at you. “You are always here telling me what I cannot do because of my damn back!” “Mingi… I-I” “You what Y/N? If you can’t at least make me relax then leave! I don’t need you here.” You heard enough. You knew he didn’t mean it, but it hurts you to hear that when you just want to be someone who brings him joy. You threw the blanket at him, packed back your stuff and exited the dorm.

WOOYOUNG

Wooyoung were your boyfriend for 4 years. You were close before Ateez debuted. You always here with him for every big step of his life. For example, when he auditioned for KQ Entertainment because Yeosang was going there too. When he met the members of Ateez for the first time. When they released their first album. Or when they got their first win. You were with him more than you two could think. Maybe that was a problem.

It was late, Ateez was filming the last scene of their new MV Wonderland. All the marching band was there. It was amazing. You couldn’t remove your eyes from your boyfriend, Wooyoung. He was doing is best. When the music stopped, you heard the director saying that they did a real good job. All the group went to the staff for fix their make-up and their hair for the photo shoot. “You were awesome guys! Atinys would love it for sure!” you said to them. “Thank you, Y/N!” smiled Hongjoong. “Wooyoung!” you almost ran to your boyfriend. “What?” That was cold. Maybe he was tired, it was 2 am. At least that’s what you hoped. “You were amazing!” “Thank you, Y/N.” he said and went to the staff without saying anything. Your eyes couldn’t leave him. What was happening. The distance that he put between him and you, isn’t normal. You tried again to talk to Wooyoung. “Wooyoung are you okay?” He sighed, “Yes Y/N, I’m fine. Don’t you have anything to do?” You looked at your boyfriend again “what do you mean? I came to cheer you and the guys, like-.” “I didn’t ask you to come this time.” He put his hands in his hair angrily, but it was so hot. “If you don’t want me there, then just tell me!” you shouted at him. You could feel all the stare on Wooyoung and you. You hated to argue with him in public. But his behavior was strange. “You are so distant tonight, what’s happening to you?” “I’m distant because you are so clingy! Can I breathe without you being around?” he yelled at you. For the first time in 4 years of relationship, he screamed at you. You just wanted to hide in a hole for the rest of your life. Sadly, he added, “You are always there, I can’t make a move without you being near!” He couldn’t add a word that you threw his coat on the floor, “Then bye, I won’t be around all of you anymore!”. You gripped the necklace that he gave you for your 2nd anniversary and threw it with his coat. He looked shook, but that’s what he deserved, you thought. You gave back the coat that one of a make-up staff gave you because of the cold, bowed to the team and went back to the street to find a taxi. For sure, it was the last time, you’ll saw Wooyoung in your life.

JONGHO

As the maknae, Jongho were reserved. Always listening to his hyungs. When you started to date, he was not really someone that you could call “lovely”. Or at least not when the group was there. Of course, he was enjoying time with you but not too far.

You were with all the members at the arcade game. They got a free day. Jongho asked you to come with them since you had a day off too. “Y/N! You are cheating!” Shouted San as you were playing basketball with him. “How I can cheat with this game, San? You are just a loser!” you giggled. San hates to lose. And it was worse when he loses against you. As you were waiting for your turn, you hugged the back of your boyfriend who were talking with Yunho. You sent him tense a bit. The fact he doesn’t like to be flirty near his hyungs was funny to you. They told him many times that they didn’t care but still. You heard San yelled that he ruined your score. You went back to him, decided to take your revenge. As always, you won. San would be pouty and go to Wooyoung. You loved how these guys were clingy to each other. Jongho came to you, few seconds later. You smiled at him, but you saw that he was mad. “Are you okay Jongho?” asked confused. “Can we talk few minutes?” he started, grabbing your wrist, “Alone”. It’s serious, you thought. The boys didn’t notice the situation. Jongho made his way to the little garden, still grabbing your wrist, a bit too strong for you. He doesn’t know how to contain his strength sometime. “What’s happening Jongho?” you asked worried. “Can you stop doing all your flirty things when my Hyungs are around?” You blinked. Flirty things? You couldn’t barely remember what you’ve done. “Are you talking about the back hug I gave you twenty minutes ago?” you sounded sarcastic. He scoffed, “Yes! That was awkward! In front of Yunho-hyung.” You crossed your arms on your chest, trying to calm down. “Jongho, you need to stop with these awkward things. It’s just hugs.” He sighed, “for you maybe.” “Yes, and we are not making out in front of them so stop!” He couldn’t believe his ears. “Why do you need to be so selfish? Always thinking about you?” Were you selfish? You just wanted to have a good time with your boyfriend and his team. You wanted to reply but he cut you off “I wish sometimes that I didn’t fell in love with you! Especially when you are like that!” Your eyes went wide. Did he really just say that? To you? “Then I will help to realize your wish. Bye Jongho.” You left him alone in the garden. Rushing inside to take your bag and your jacket. You didn’t answer to the boys when they called you and asked you what was happening. You just wanted to cry peacefully at home. Without being annoying to anyone.

Part 1

#ateez reactions #ateez mingi #ateez wooyoung #ateez san #ateez jongho #ateez angst #ateez sad #ateez au #ateez fanfic #ateez x reader #ateez x you

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twilightofthe · 5 years

Text

Chapter Four liveblog of The Mandalorian! Let’s go!!!

This title is just “Sanctuary”, it bothers me that this one doesn’t start with “The ___” like the other ones do ;p

Fish shrimp things!!!

Aww village!!!!

Oh no this is too peaceful when are they gonna get attacked

Aaaand there go the birds

What’s coming?

Surprise surprise bad guys

Pirate raiders of some sorts

Clever mom, tho I’m guessing she’s gonna die

Oh they look like Tolkien orcs

Oh boy Mando Man’s gonna come save them!

BABY YODA IT’S BABY YODA

LOOK AT THEM PRESSING BUTTONS

CUTE BABY I LOVE THEM

Man-dad-lorian: “stop touching things”

LITTLE SHIT TOUCHED SOMETHING AGAIN I LOVE BABY YODA

HE’S HOLDING THEM OH MY GOOOOOSH LOK THAT’S ADORABLE

HE’S TALKING TO THEM

LITTLE WOMP RAT

THIS IS IT I HAVE DIED. TOO CUTE.

FAR FAR FAR TOO CUTE IMMA REWIND AND WATCH THAT WHOLE THING AGAIN

I MELTED

HIS VOICE IS SO TENDER

L I T T L E W O M P R A T

I wanna marry him, I just adore how he talks to the baby, this is killing me

Jeez look how much I’ve typed and we’re only 5 minutes in

BABY VOICE. I LOVE LOVE LOVE HIS BABY VOICE HOW HE SPEAKS TO THEM

Ok ok ok I’m done

NO I’M NOT BABY FOLLOWED HIM

GAHHHH LOK AT BABY TODDLING ALONG

Mmm that kebab looks pretty good

Hey shiny butt you stick out like a sore thumb

THIS EPISODE WANTS TO KILL ME THAT IS A MOTHERFUCKING. LIVE ACTION. LOTHCAT/TOOKA. RED ALERT. RED ALERT. HOW DID THEY KNOW I FUCKING LOVE LOTHCATS. THIS IS A PERSONAL ATTACK

I’M SUING

Oh hey it’s pretty girl!! His girlfriend!!!!

Or she’s gonna be his girlfriend anyway.

She’s so pretty!!!

Awww boi’s asking about the pretty girl xD

Wait so this dude doesn’t eat in public when does he eat

LOOK BRO NICE STRANGERS DO NOT NECESSARILY MAKE GOOD BABYSITTERS NO MATTER HOW FRIENDLY THEY SEEM MR CHILD ENDANGERMENT

Ok Mando Man absolutely has to have some Force Sensitivity, I’ll bet money on it, the way he just senses stuff about her.

Awww love at first kick

Yo she’s beating up on Beskar pretty well noice

BRO WHAT IS IT WITH YOU AND FLAMING PEOPLE

THE FUCKING BABY SLORPING I’M WHEEZING

YOU WANT SOME SOUP?

THAT’S IT THEIR NEW SHIPNAME IS SOUP BUDDIES

So she’s a mercenary

“Another round” ohohohoho ;) ;) ;)

Awww poor dudes do want him to help!

Space krill? Huh

Oh yea guilt him over it he’s a real softie xD

Theeeere we go

MORE FLIRTING

Ohhh she’s ex-shock trooper

I get you Baby Yoda, I third wheel a lot too

Oh yeah us too kiddos we all love the Babu

Awww he’s so polite <3

...uuuuuntil he scares a ten year old nice going xD

THE MUSIC IS SO STAR WARS-Y

ALERT ALERT THE BABY HAS A CRIB I’M DYING

Oh! She’s feeding them/him? I’m mellllllting!!!

CONCERNED PAPA ;_;

Oh so he does actually wash his hair thank goodness Pedro is too pretty for greasy helmet head

Oh nvm he must be so pale under his helmet xD

Oh wow so he wasn’t an official Mando until he was taken in there goes my theory

HELMET! IS! OFF!

Wait which ones are the AT-ST’s again? Are they big big ones?

C’mon lady a bunch of Ewoks beat a walker before, give ‘em a chance!

“Unless we show them how” ah so this is another Seven Samurai-inspired ep like that one TCW one, RIP Kurosawa

Yay Home Alone booby traps!

OH YOU GO LADY SHOOT EM

See Anakin, it is actually possible to teach a bunch of villagers stick fighting without twirling it around like a showoffy dumbass xD

omg I’m so freakin’ proud of these people already

Wait oh nooo I kinda ship Mando Man with village lady too hlep

OT3 TIME YEET

Aight ppl let’s get em

Ooo what’s cookin’?

So these bombs make music huh?

Yussss kick ass babes

OH JEEZ THAT WALKER SCARED ME IT LOOKS LIKE A DAMN DEMON

FIVE NIGHTS AT FREDDY’S ASS SHIT WHAT THE FUCK EXCUSE ME

Baby Yoda Will Protect The Children

Ugh The Cinnamontography

It’s actually like an old monster movie I adore this

And of course it’ll miss the trap

Yep there it is

Wait is that thing fucking sentient

Shit it is

IT’S AN ACTUAL MONSTER I LOVE THIS IT’S LIKE JURASSIC PARK MEETS PIRATES

Hmm a Jedi would be useful for dealing with the walker rn

Take out the legs

GET ‘IM GIRLIE

Oh I think brave village lady is gonna help get it

“Choke on this you ugly-”

Got em!

Gah I loved everything about this episode

Look out froggie Baby’s gonna eat ya

Yup

No! Don’t bully Baby out of his food!!!

She’s so considerate of his culture I love this

DON’T YOU LEAVE BABY ALONE HERE MANDO MAN

Hmmm someone’s a little interested in Mando Man’s love life... >:3

GOD DAMN IT MANDO MAN NO I KNEW IT

DON’T LEAVE YOUR BOY

NOOOOOOOO

Can’t believe I’m saying this, I feel atrocious, but as long as there’s bounty hunters after Baby, Mando Man has to keep him!!!

Awww honey no they can’t be together but now I’m sad this lady deserves all the happiness ;_;

Oooooof ouch secondhand embarrassment rejection oof oof ouchhhhh

OH NO THAT SNIPER BETTER NOT SHOOT HER

STAY AWAY FROM BABY YOU FUCKING SHIT

Ok phew phew he’s fine

THANK YOU SO MUCH ROGUE LADY I’LL MARRY YOU

Guess Baby just has to stay with Mando Man for a bit! :D

Isn’t her name Cara or something? I like her ^.^

Awww kiddo, I’d miss Baby Yoda too :(

Oh honey I’m sorry your mans is leaving, I’ll marry you instead!!!!

Awww wave bye bye!

Bahaha here I was comparing this to Jurassic Park and freaking Bryce Dallas Howard directed this ep, omg I love her

This ep was amazing yus

So I loved everything about this episode because I am ridiculously easy to please and I love the old samurai flicks and I love monster movies and the Clone Wars ep (why the flying fuck can’t I remember the name it was the one with Obi + Ani + Ahsoka on Felucia with the farmers and then Hondo fuck what was it called) that went kinda like this is one of my favorites and gah merc lady! (Cara? Her name is definitely Cara, right?) Omg I know we haven’t gotten any info on Cara yet, but I love that she’s got some softness too, that she doesn’t fall into the new “Strong Woman(TM)” trope where a woman can have no heart and must just beat up and shoot stuff and look hot while doing it. I’m super excited to see more of her!!!

Just overall, great ep, loved it, can’t wait for more <3

#liveblogging the mando show #the mandalorian #the mandalorian spoilers #sw the mando show #mando man of mystery #star wars

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dontcallmecarrie · 6 years

Text

Whisper of Every Waking Hour, Pt. 2/2

This is part two, just fyi. Might not make much sense otherwise. [Under the cut because I get very, very rambly.]

Pairing: Steve/Tony

Warnings: same as last time, with my take on Hanahaki disease, unrequited love and angst […dealing with Hanahaki, here. Comes with the package, even if there’s a happy ending to this mess], mention of symptoms of an eating disorder [suspected only, not a thing], and feat. demiromantic Tony with the self-confidence of a toothpick. Plus some profanity, of the ‘fuck my life’ and ‘what the hell’ variety

———

Suffice it was to say, the procedure was successful.

———

Afterwards, Tony felt relief. And an acute case of embarrassment, because seriously? He’d had that bad of a crush on a teammate? On Captain America, of all people? Good thing nobody’d talk, because...wow. Talk about awkward.

Pepper sometimes shoots him a strange look. Rhodey, too. Slightly pitying, even if he’d thought that had stopped years ago, and wow his traitorous heart was still screwing him over in the worst ways, wasn’t it? [Like the palladium hadn’t been enough.]

On the plus side, it seemed like removing...it hadn’t affected their friendship as much as he’d feared. Oh, sure, there was some new awkwardness and misunderstandings, and the team shot him a few strange looks at times, but nowhere near the complete unraveling of a relationship like Tony had originally feared. Nice.

The team’s really meshing now, and getting going, and now that Tony doesn’t need to worry about his heart killing him again it’s so, very easy to start to ease back in. And lower his guard again, because these people have already gotten past it already and what was the harm, now?

So he starts upping the chatter again, starts sticking around more, starts easing off the “board meetings” because he didn’t want the embarrassment of the team finding out of his stupid crush, even if he’d had it taken care of. Or, worse, their pity, and Steve had enough on his plate without learning of something that was in the past, and it’d be super awkward to say ‘hey, so you’re my best friend but I was in love with you for a while’, so nope. Besides.

Things are great, better than ever, even.

———

Tony starts spending more time with the team, again, and hanging out with Steve when the rest of the team’s out. Baseball season’s in full swing, and Tony has a good time needling Steve and in return Steve figuratively drags Tony out of the lab and to whatever restaurant he saw on his run, and experimenting with takeout, and Tony’s happy things are getting back to normal. Sure, sometimes he gets a phantom itch at the back of his throat, but that was psychosomatic, probably. Or pollen, because he’d had his crush removed, there was no way he could have feelings of that sort for Steve again.

The team’s really part of his family now: Natasha can see through more of his masks than he should be comfortable with, and vice versa, Bruce’s...Bruce, enough said, and Clint’s turning out to nerd out over physics more than expected and is in the running for being the one to make Fury snap if Tony doesn’t get there first.

They’re learning about each other, in bits and pieces. Like how Natasha’s abysmal with kids but Clint’s good enough for the both of them, how Thor’s actually a secret troll because he totally knew what he was saying to that reporter, don’t even lie, and Bruce and Tony both have a nonexistent sense of self-preservation in the face of science and someone should check up on them during the 36-hour-mark just in case.

Part of Tony's slightly alarmed at just how much they’re learning about him, actually, but...well, they’re family. Families know about the worst of each other, don't they?

———

It’s another baseball game, when the phantom itch returns. Steve’s luck acts up and he ends up catching the foul ball with his bare hands, and ends up needing to borrow Tony’s pen because they’d been trying to be incognito before the cameras picked up on Iron Man and Captain America being in attendance and a lot of people wanted his autograph. It’s a good game, a fun time all around—the sun is shining, weather’s great for going to Central Park afterwards, and this time it’s Tony cracking a joke that has Steve doubling over laughing, before looking over at him with that smile. Tony’s not sure why part of his chest tenses up, just a little, but shrugs it off as the arc reactor acting up again, and continues bantering.

It was a great day, all around.

Tony’s getting ready for movie night when the coughing fit hits. This time, when he removes his handkerchief, part of him is almost unsurprised to see the small yellow petals dotting its surface. Almost.

[Yellow Tulip: there’s sunshine in your smile]

“That...can’t be right. J, are you seeing this? That can’t—that’s impossible!”

“Searching every database accessible for supplementary data. This is unprecedented.”

“How?! I thought—J, make an appointment with that surgeon’s team, see if we can clear this up. Let Pepper and Rhodey know, too, this is...”

“Consider it done—Sir, the team is expressing the concern that you will be late for the viewing of the film selected. It appears Mr. Barton has won the coin toss, and Jurassic Park will be playing in five minutes.”

Tony leaned back, and bit his lip.

He’d made a point of going to movie night unless he was in the hospital, or on one of the board meetings he’d genuinely needed to attend, so they’d know something was off if he skipped...then again, Hanahaki. [Fuck.] He was probably off-kilter enough that Natasha would see right through him right now.

“Tell them something came up. Emergency thing that needs me stat, maybe an experiment in R&D went wrong or corporate espionage or something, I don’t care. Say I’m sorry, but can’t make it.” He said, and made his way to the roof.

He needed to get out. Didn’t matter where, just...away. Until he was able to figure out just what chinks he had in his armor, at least.

———

Turns out it’s probably the arc reactor, that’s at the root at all this mess. Literally. [Isn’t it always?]

“—so the doctors think the...it, you know,” he gestured vaguely at his chest while talking to a very pale Pepper and Rhodey on camera from the safety of his nigh-abandoned family mansion, “probably has some roots wrapped around the arc reactor somehow. They can’t get rid of every last bit the way the procedure normally does.”

“So it’s happening again? You’re going to have to go through it, again?” Pepper asked, and Tony winced at her tone.

“I’ve already asked about the odds of it resurging. They’re saying that apart from this being unprecedented, my best bet’s trying to move on, and if not...well, it’s not like I can’t I can afford the surgeries.” As long as his body held up to the strain, he didn’t say. [He didn’t need to.]

Rhodey pinched the bridge of his nose. “Tones, I—this is—”

“Literally everything I was trying to avoid? Yes, I know, honeybunch.”

“We’d thought you were safe! That the team had your back, that even if you weren't interested in finding someone you’d be okay and happy. But this?”

Tony couldn’t help the wry quirk of his smile. “I know the odds of my moving on aren’t great, but I'm working on it. And the surgery’s already scheduled for six months, just in case, you’re not losing me that way, you two. My heart can’t hate me that much, can it?”

———

Tony returned to the tower soon afterwards, and proceeded to alarm the team over the span of the next few months. Well—not the entire team, and it varied, but still: the resident chatterbox’s slowly withdrawing into himself was not missed by anyone.

Even when he put up his masks, the team noticed. What’s more, since they knew him now, even if they couldn’t see past his mask they could see just how far it went, and it scared them.

Clint popped in every so often to ask if he was okay, Bruce had quietly patted him on the shoulder and said, “if you ever need help just let me know. The Other Guy, too”, before giving him space, and even if Thor wasn’t always around, he’d still found the time to give Tony a hearty thump on the shoulder and express his support.

Steve, meanwhile, was around more often, dropping in with takeout and coffee if it was early enough, giving him looks of concern when he thought Tony didn’t notice, and the pang of guilt hurt nearly as much as the coughing fit afterwards.

But it’s only Natasha who figures it out.

“Who?” Is all she asks, as she quietly offers him the mug of chamomile after he suppresses the violent itch in his throat because no way was he coughing in public if he could help it, nope [no way he was alarming his family more than he already was].

Tony looks at her, and registers the feigned casualness even as she's holding the same type of tea he only ever drinks alone because he’s trying to be discreet about this entire mess. Then, he pastes on a smile as he enters his lab.

“Does it really matter? Won’t be a problem soon.”

“Because you’re telling them, because you’re getting it out, or...”

“The surgery’s scheduled for this Thursday.” Tony answers after a heavy pause, and the flicker of something in her gaze really shouldn’t have put him on edge the way it was. But he forged onwards, because this was Natasha, sister in all but blood, who was in the same boat as he was since he’d refined the art of masks to the point where not even he knew just where it ended and he began. “How’d you figure it out, anyway?”

“You have this habit of using a handkerchief when you cough, and it’s stained yellow. Now, you’ve been using mouthwash and breath mints, and sometimes you forget to eat, but I don’t think you’re bulimic, since the former are new and you only ever forget to eat during an engineering binge, and even then you usually have something to snack on. Conclusion? It’s from something else.”

Then, she leaned in, took him by the shoulders, and looked him in the eye unyieldingly, as the worry in her voice grew. “It’s Steve, isn’t it.”

Tony was glad it was just the two of them, then. He’d been caught off-guard enough that his mask was jarred, and he hadn’t thought it was possible for a human throat to make the noise Natasha did when she saw the answer in his eyes.

“Tony, you need to tell him!”

“No, I don’t.”

“Tony, you’re worrying everyone, Thor thinks it’s depression even if he doesn’t say it, Bruce can help, and Steve—”

“No! This is my problem, and I’m dealing with it. Steve’s got enough on his plate, he doesn’t need do know.”

“Tony, you’re going in for something you’re never going to be able to undo—”

“Actually, no.” Tony couldn’t help but cut in with a sudden, bitter smile. “Arc reactor. Damn thing’s roots somehow tangled in with it, as far as I can tell. It’ll only grow back if I can’t get over it, which apparently I can’t because I’m some sort of broken mess who can’t even love right, because the first time I fall for someone I can’t even fucking get over them even if it kills me—”

“Tony, you’re not broken.”

To which he was about to reply, “Could’ve fooled me,” if the coughing fit hadn’t hit, and suddenly he can’t keep it in, so Natasha gets an eyeful of bloodstained yellow tulip petals as they stream out of his mouth.

Once he’s done, he doesn’t make eye contact again, just grimaces down at the mess to keep from seeing the pity in her eyes.

Even as he goes through the now-rote motions, however, cleaning it up and incinerating the evidence, Natasha moves to help. Supports him as he stumbles his way to the bathroom, gets the mouthwash out of the counter so he doesn’t have to bend down. Once he’s done, she hands him the now-lukewarm tea, and he downs it without pause, as he heads to his desk.

“Thanks.”

“I still think you should tell him. But...it’s up to you in the end. Just...take care of yourself, Tony.”

And with that, patted him on the arm carefully, then made to head out, but not before giving him a significant look when Steve popped in and brightened when he saw Tony.

“Tony, are you— oh, hi, Natasha.”

“Oh, I was just on my way out. Thanks for the updates on the Bites, Tony. Steve, he’s got that board meeting coming up and a deadline to meet, so now might not be the best time to ask him about that movie.” She said with an easy smile, and Tony smiled and played along, easy as breathing, and tamped down on the surge of warmth and guilt that followed.

It wasn’t like he hadn’t been tempted to tell Steve, either, but...then he’d started talking about meeting with Aunt Peggy and her niece, Sharon, and Tony hadn’t been able to get the nerve to broach the subject after hearing the wistfulness in his voice.

———

The procedure went as well as expected.

———

Tony was so damn mortified, after the fact. Again?! He’d fucking fallen for Captain America, again. Great. Just great.

Especially since now it’s also Natasha who’s giving him the same damn looks as Pepper and Rhodey, and oh man she knew, didn’t she? About not just his past crush, but the potential for...oh, great.

“Any tips for what I can do?” Tony found himself asking Rhodey and JARVIS, once. “Because apparently I’m not aro like I thought I was, and apparently I have a type—even if it sounds incredibly awkward to say it out loud, wow.”

Rhodey leaned back with a groan. “Not sure what to tell you, Tones. Other than meet other people, I guess? I mean, it’s not like you can control your heart.”

Tony resisted the urge to scream in frustration. Instead, he settled for a deadpan stare, tacked on a smile, and said, “You don’t say.”

“Sorry, Tones.”

“I mean...that’s just it, right? I need to meet more people? How the fuck am I supposed to do that, when. I need to like someone before—”

“Hey, don’t look at me, man, I’d be a wingman if you needed me, but...”

“I don’t swing that way, because I’m not even if the damn game apparently except for Steve, right. Fuck.”

“Sir, if I may?”

“Yes, J?”

“I do believe Ms. Romanov had expressed a similar interest in assisting you. Shall I contact her?”

“Sure. The more the merrier, apparently. Either that, or misery loves company. Both work.”

———

Natasha had been trying to set Steve up for ages, before she’d found out about Tony’s...problem, as he so put it. Since then, she’d backed off, but now that her help was really being needed, turns out that her job was even harder than she thought.

On a number of levels, even: Tony trusted her to keep his secret even if she burned to let Steve know [because it’d fix everything], the team thought she’d simply shifted her matchmaking efforts instead of it being a matter of life and death, and Tony’s heart just loved to give her a headache, didn’t it.

“Sorry, Nat.” Tony apologized, after a particularly bad first-and-only date.

“What was it this time?”

“She was mean to the waitress, I couldn’t...”

“Got it.” Natasha said as she crossed yet another name off her list.

The only sliver lining she could find was that Steve’d looked slightly dismayed, as the steady stream of dates Tony went on meant that they cut into the time the two usually spent together. Even if it was cruel to Steve, at this point Natasha would take what she could get if it meant she didn’t have to worry about Tony choking to death.

———

However, the steady stream of dates also had some side-effects.

For instance, the team’s curiosity. After all, while at first it’d seemed like she’d merely shifted from Steve to Tony, now after the...was it nineteenth(?) date, it was clear something was different.

“You a love them and leave them type, or something?” Clint asked, after a particularly memorable encounter had Tony arriving at the tower and making a beeline for the shower to get the glitter off.

“Or something,” he called down the hall.

Later, he explained. “That ‘or something?’ I’m demiromantic.”

“...and that means what to me?”

“Means he’s giving me a hard time finding him a significant other, what with his not liking someone if he doesn’t click with them first.” Natasha cut in, bumping a shoulder against both Clint and Tony.

“Wait, that’s a thing?”

“Yes,” Natasha replied with a sweet smile that fooled absolutely no one in the room, “it is. And it is a headache for me.”

“Hey, you’re the one that volunteered for this mission.”

“And I’ll do it, it’s just even harder than I thought. You turned down Monica for her...what was it, again?”

“Other way around, and because I’m not vegan. The glitter came from her roommate, by the way.”

“...always something.” She muttered darkly as she pulled out her list again.

Steve, who’d been overhearing it, couldn’t help but cut in, then.

“But why are you even trying to date so much in the first place?”

Tony didn’t look at Natasha, just said the first thing that popped into his mind. “Lost a bet.”

“Really.” Steve’s disbelief was audible.

“Really, Cap, have you seen this woman drink vodka?” Tony gestured, and mentally gave a sigh of relief when he bought it.

———

Things were good, things were great.

The dates were annoying, though, especially as time went on and still there was something that rubbed him wrong with each one. Annoying, but necessary, since he didn’t want to ruin one of the best friendships in his life, and/ or get frequent flier miles at the surgeon.

...unfortunately, it seemed like life had it out for him.

The problem, ironically enough, was that they simply made that good a team. Tony trusted him to have his back, and vice versa, and the banter on the comms was sometimes one of the highlights of his day [Fury’s Vein: 0, Clint and Tony: 1]. The team-building exercises are redundant, and by now most of the villains know better than to think that hurting one of them won’t result in the other’s raining hell.

Sometimes it’s like they don't even need to talk, to let the other know what they’re about to do, and more than once Steve and Tony had been compared to Clint and Natasha on the field, simply because how synchronized they could get, and the comms alternated between chatter and non-sequiturs as they pulled off stunt after stunt to save the day,

They take down the next villain running around New York, same as ever, and debrief, same as ever, and it’s not until Tony’s in his lab fixing the dents in his armor that he feels the itch in the back of his throat.

“J, get Natasha here, stat.” He manages to get out, before the coughing fit hits, and this time isn’t even surprised when he sees the red dotting his handkerchief’s surface. Not blood [not yet], but flower petals.

[Red Rose: I love you]

———

In the hours and emergency conference call that followed, Pepper, Natasha, and Rhodey were all updated on the situation, and JARVIS already had the surgery scheduled in advance. There were tears, and quite a bit of yelling, and when Pepper found an ally in trying to get Tony to talk to Steve about it, even more yelling.

It wasn’t pretty, or fair, and his family didn’t deserve what he was putting them through, again, and he was so damn sorry for it.

He still insisted on at least trying to go on more dates, though, to see if that helped any. Long odds, but it was either that or leaving the team if this kept happening because he loved them but at this rate, the strain on his body from the arc reactor and...it would end up killing him, and that...he’d sworn not to put his family through it.

It was so, very hard, though.

Especially since the team knew him even better now, and apparently he’d done a shit job of hiding his issues last time so they’d been keeping an eagle eye on him and the moment things started to go down a familiar path, they noticed immediately.

This time, hiding it was all but impossible.

Resisting the urge to cough was something Tony had gotten used to, but now it’s not just Natasha who’s noticing it; Clint’s codename isn’t Hawkeye for nothing, and for all of Thor’s boisterous nature, he was remarkably astute. And Tony suspected that Bruce might’ve figured it out last time, actually, since even if he hadn’t said anything he’d stopped commenting about the smell of flowers, even if Tony knew just how much he’d reeked of tulips towards the end, last time.

But nobody says anything, until the next Steve’s out on another run and Tony’s biting his tongue to keep ignoring the itch at the back of his throat.

“You can let it out, you know. Steve’s the only one who hasn’t figured it out.” Clint says, rolling one of the experimental arrows between his fingers. “Not sure how, to be honest. Once you mentioned the demi thing, it was easy putting together the pieces.”

———

The following talk, once Tony’s done spitting out the rose petals, somehow attracts the rest of the team, and he suspected JARVIS had something to do with it because Bruce had mentioned a new project earlier that day and yet ‘coincidentally’ wound up in the kitchen where the rest of them were.

Turns out that yes, the rest of the team had figured it out, individually. Fuck.

On the plus side, it meant he had more people willing to help. On the other hand, he’d done his level best to keep them from worrying, and this just undid nearly all the effort that’d gone into hiding it. Almost, because Steve, at least, hadn’t figured it out, which was something Tony was forever grateful for.

“What I don't understand is why you haven’t talked to him yet,” Bruce says once, when they’re collaborating on another project.

“He’s got enough issues without my adding to them. Last time I tried to broach the subject, he mentioned Peggy.”

“Ah.”

“Yeah. Nothing like bringing up the almost-ex who I also see as an aunt because she was around more than the old man was, right? Besides, it’s obvious he doesn’t see me that way.” No, there wasn’t a trace of bitterness in there, nope, not at all.

“Does he know that gender isn’t an—”

“He was there when I brought up the demi thing, yep.”

“...huh.”

“Thanks for trying, though. Appreciate it.”

———

Tony starts quieting down again, because if he talks too much the itch in his throat gets harder to ignore.

He still goes on dates when he can, at coffeeshops and galas, but nothing helps: his...problem is only growing by the day, every morning Steve greets him with a mug of coffee just the way he likes it, every movie night when they’re arguing over whether they should put on Star Wars for the nth time, every time they pull off another successful mission.

What he doesn't know is that the worry is eating Steve alive.

Because this is the second time now, that he’s noticed Tony pulling away. The second time that he’s being less and less social, looking more tired, looking paler, and Steve doesn’t know what to do. He can tell the team’s hiding something but he can’t figure out what and it’s driving him up the wall.

Steve notices the glances, notices the pauses when the team’s talking to Tony and he's in the room sometimes, and they’re keeping something from him and normally, he’d be okay with that. But now, his best and closest friend since he got pulled out from the ice is fading in front of his eyes, and he can’t do a thing about it.

He tries to ask around, but the team deflects everything, and every time he tries to directly confront Tony about it, the man somehow manages to distract him every damn time, and...what was he doing wrong?

———

Tony would have been content with ignoring...it until the day he died. Would have been content with hiding it as much as possible.

However, circumstances forced his hand.

The surgery was coming up, and he’d finally started to back off on the date attempts because just making it through the day was hard enough now, without putting on a show for total strangers, and Tony’s not sure if the rose thorns or shrapnel pose a bigger threat to his health, now, because the coughing fits are a special sort of hell.

That the team knew meant he’d been able to lower his guard, and even if he hated alarming them, the stream of red petals didn’t care about where they made an appearance.

He’d lowered his guard, and it turned out to be his undoing.

———

Tony had been mid-coughing fit, and Natasha had been rubbing circles onto his back to help the ache, when they heard the footsteps, and JARVIS’ attempt to delay the inevitable.

It wasn’t enough.

“—no, I need to talk to—” Steve was saying, even as he started to open the door, before freezing and flinging it open without regard to his strength, and surging in, worry in every line of his face. “Tony!”

“Oh, fuck.” Tony couldn’t help but mutter, in one of the rare moments he had between coughs. There was no way Steve could’ve missed it, and there was no deterring Captain America when he was on a mission.

Dammit, he should’ve put his lab on lockdown the moment he felt the itch, the way he’d used to before, but he’d been weak and hadn’t wanted to be alone for this, but...fuck. Fuck! He leaned more into Natasha, as the footsteps approached him, and focused on coughing into his handkerchief instead of looking at the face of everything he’d done his level best to avoid. Fuck, if he didn’t drown in flowers it’d be the guilt that got him, he just knew it.

“Tony, are you—do you need me to call Medical? Where’s the bleeding? Natasha, what—those are roses. What’s going on?”

Every word felt like a jackhammer to his heart, and Tony couldn’t help but curl into Natasha even more, because....fuck. And he couldn't say a word, because the rose petals just kept coming and Steve was watching him and—

“Tony, just focus on getting it all out.” Natasha said evenly, still rubbing circles onto his back and not looking away either, “Steve, later. We’re kinda busy right now, please step back and give him some space.”

Tony nodded and Steve lurched back as if burned, and even if he was focused on just surviving this latest round of...it, he couldn’t help but hear the conversation going on without him as he focused his breathing the way he’d learned in Afghanistan, and practiced countless times since.

“-not the first time it’s happened. Is this what you guys were keeping from-”

“Not now, Steve.”

“How long?” And the agony in his voice was doing Tony absolutely no favors, at all.

“-didn’t want to worry you-”

“My best friend is dying in front of me and none of you—”

“Steve, don’t.” Tony managed to say, once the worst of it was past. “It’s on me, I was the one that asked.”

“Tony—”

“Now’s not a good time, Steve. It’s not over yet.” Natasha cut in, and Tony really didn’t deserve these people in his life, wow. [Also: oh great, Natasha knew him well enough to know how this usually went? So much for not making her worry...crap.]

As he focused on getting the last, stubborn petals out, he heard Steve’s quiet, “Is there anything I can help with?”

“...water bottle or mouthwash, if you don’t mind. JARVIS should have the tea ready soon.”

“Right.” And with that, Steve all-but-ran to get it.

“This is going to suck, isn’t it.” Tony muttered, and didn’t flinch when Natasha wrapped him up in a quiet hug.

“Want me to stick around?”

“I...don’t know.”

———

By the time Steve came back, Tony’d managed to mostly regain his composure. He didn’t look like he was dying anymore, at least, and between cleaning up the mess on the bench and putting away the handkerchief, there was next to no hint of the sea of red Steve had walked in on.

Natasha hadn’t left his side since before he’d started the coughing fit, and Tony’s fairly certain she’s the only reason he’s not hyperventilating about the upcoming talk as she’s quietly reassuring him even as she’s always got a hand on his shoulder, or arm, to remind him he’s not alone, and...it helps.

Even if part of him can’t help but feel that there’s no way it can end well, because this was the exact scenario he’d been trying to avoid, but...he could do this. [He had to.]

———

Steve’s footsteps were deafening in the otherwise-silent lab, and faltered when he saw them. Them, and the pristine bench, but he pressed onwards and pulled up a chair after giving Tony the water bottle.

Then, he leaned forward, and in a tone that was very carefully not accusing, not angry, not reproachful, just resolved—said, “How long.”

Tony...didn’t know what to say.

But Steve deserved an answer, even if it was ugly. Even if he hated it, and part of Tony’s heart was breaking because he knew that this would be the thing to ruin their friendship, if he hadn’t before. This would be what made one of the relationships he treasured the most into an awkward mess, would be what made Steve back off once he learned how Tony felt about him.

“Tony, want me to—” Natasha asked, and Tony felt another surge of warmth even as Steve’s face darkened because odds were he was already putting together the pieces, between Natasha’s attempts at matchmaking and Tony’s...problem, and he knew she was all but allergic to emotion and this talk would be...dicey.

“No, this is...I think I can handle it.” He waved her off, and she gave him one last pat on the arm before getting up.

“Good luck, you two.” She said, shot Steve an unreadable look, and left.

Tony let his eyes track her path, instead of looking at Steve, as he started. “Don’t hate the team, I was the one who asked. And for the record, I didn’t tell them either; they all figured it out by themselves.”

“The dates.” Steve breathed, and yep, it was all coming together. [Fuck.]

“Natasha was the first to know, yes. And I asked her not to tell. Although, Cap? I’d have though you’d have been happy she focused on me instead of you.”

“Tony, this isn’t—” Steve cut himself off, and took a deep breath. Then, in a more measured voice, continued, “I was worried, for the longest time. You weren’t—and then the team—”

“I didn’t want you to worry. Any of you. I’m sorry.”

“For not telling me, or that I found out?”

“Sir, the tea is ready.” JARVIS cut in, saving them both from the sudden silence, and Tony made to get up before Steve glared at him to stay put, before moving to get it himself.

Once he was alone, Tony leaned forward and rubbed his temples. Man, he was no less cut out for this sort of talk than Natasha was, like, at all. Cutthroat board meetings? Check. Dealings with plausibly-deniable warlords who might or might not have been vetted by government agencies? Sure, even if he wan’t proud of the Merchant of Death. This, however?

Houston, he was so not ready for it. But Steve deserved an answer.

By the time Steve returned, chipped mug of chamomile in hand, Tony had mostly pulled himself together again, and already formulated several possible battle plans and escape routes...that all evaporated the moment Steve set foot in the room. Apparently, though, he was able to spot the exhaustion on his face, and after he passed Tony the tea, paused.

“Tony, are you...would you rather we talk about this later?”

“Steve, trust me. This has been a long time in coming. Just hit me with it.”

“Just...who? You’d mentioned you were demiromantic, but I would have thought that Hanahaki disease wouldn’t...”

Right. The crux of the matter. Because Steve was nothing if not direct.

Tony took a sip of tea to both fortify himself and get some time to think about how to best word his answer, before mentally going ‘fuck it’, and dove in.

“Yes, I’m demi. Doesn’t mean I can’t fall in love, though, Steve.” He said, and quirked a corner of his mouth at the irony.

“But the dates...just...who?! You’re—Tony, you’re dying from roses. I can’t— is there anything—”

“Easy, Cap, it’s not that easy, or simple.” Tony cut him off, before he said anything he would regret once he found out. “You don't know who it is. And who’s to say I’ll die from it?”

“Tony. Stop deflecting. Who.”

It took every shred of resolve he had, for Tony to look Steve in the eye, for that. To force himself to answer truthfully, because this friendship was one of the things he’d treasured the most, and Steve deserved the truth even if his stupid, traitorous heart ruined everything.

“I’m so, so sorry, Steve.” He said, and bit the bullet. “I’m sorry. It’s...it’s you. It’s always been you.”

The look of dawning horror on Steve’s face broke his heart, and he could only bear to look at it for a few seconds before looking down at his hands.

“I’m sorry, if it ruins anything—I really value your friendship. I’m sorry.” He squeezed his eyes shut, and gritted his teeth because his throat suddenly had a lump in it and Tony wasn’t sure if it was another round of coughing or simply the urge to cry, and shook his head as he stood up.

Not looking at Steve, anymore, he started to make his way out, already making plans to take the suit out for a flight, or something. “I—I’ve got a surgery scheduled, in a few weeks. Things’ll be back to normal, after that. I’m sorry. If you’re uncomfortable, I understand. I know you don’t think of me that way, and I’m sorry for causing you so much stress.”

He gave Steve one last smile, on his way out, still ignoring the look on his face because that first flash of horror had been more than enough, and fled.

———

It was late, when Tony finally returned from his flight.

He’d ignored no less than fifteen phone calls and forty-eight text messages from Pepper, Rhodey, and the team, and nearly his entire flight was a blur, but...he’d needed the space, after ruining one of the best friendships he’d had in his life. Now, even if he was still off-kilter from it, at least his defenses were at least existing again, and maybe he might even be able to look Steve in the eye after a month or so.

It’s not until after he’s finished removing the armor, however, that he realizes he’s not alone on the rooftop.

“You never did let me answer, you know.” A quiet voice says, and Tony had not expected a heart attack to be the thing that did him in.

Then, he shores his pitiful defenses up, and does his best to play along. “Sorry, I’ve never been good at rejection.”

“I can see that.”

“Can you.”

“I mean, you ran off before I could say a thing.” Steve said, and started to approach him slowly, telegraphing every movement.

��Right.” Tony was rooted to the spot, and wasn’t even sure why. Maybe because his heart’s breaking took up so much of his focus, even now. Yeah, that was probably it.

“You’d never said a thing, Tony.” And now there was a gentle weight on Tony’s arm, and part of Tony wanted to lean in so, very badly.

He sighed. “Like I said, didn’t want to ruin our friendship.”

“Even if it was killing you.”

“Not the first time it’s happened, you know. I’ll live.” The weight got very heavy, all of a sudden, and Tony leaned back for a moment before getting enveloped in a tight hug and he did not know what was going on anymore.

“I hadn’t thought of you that way before because you’re always with Natasha and Pepper and those dates and I didn't know you were hurting and oh, God, I’m a horrible friend, I’m so sorry.”

“Steve, I—” Tony started, before the itch in the back of his throat suddenly became unbearable and it was all he could do to just breathe.

“I should’ve told you earlier. I love you.”

The itch was gone.

———

They kiss, and then turn in for the night, beaming and leaning against each other.

“JARVIS? Cancel my appointment, you know the one. Don't need it anymore.”

“Consider it done, sir. May I offer you my congratulations? And shall I notify Ms. Potts and Mr. Rhodes as well?”

They exchange a look, and nod.

“Sure.” Tony says. “Let the team know, too, if you haven’t already.”

“...”

“They know, don't they.”

“Ms. Romanov has already expressed the concern that Mr. Rogers should be prepared for a ‘shovel talk’ at the earliest convenience.”

———

...and that’s about everything I have for this AU.

You guys decide if Steve finds out about the previous surgeries, but if he did, cue even more angst once he realizes this was round 3 for Tony. The horror Tony noticed was Steve going ‘oh shit I didn’t even notice’, rather than homophobia, as Steve had genuinely never thought of him that way before Tony’d brought it up. Also why the Hanahaki disease didn’t immediately go away after the reveal; while Tony was out, Steve sorted through his feelings.

By the way, Natasha’s not the only one with a shovel talk ready; Bruce has one too, and the only reason Pepper and Rhodey don’t is because it goes without saying that they’ll throw down for Tony if push comes to shove. [Ditto as to JARVIS.] But really, though, as long as nobody’s coughing up flowers, the entire team’s happy. Seeing Tony go through it was more than enough, here.

For the record, Howard didn’t cheat on Maria, it’s just that their marriage was breaking down and she was the one most invested in it, thus resulting in her getting the backlash.

#3 am musings #gdi brain #my brain did a thing #behind the scenes mini fic #kinda #fic ideas #fic idea #my fic #Whisper of Every Waking Hour

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silks · 7 years

Text

questions tag<3

hello followers who follow me.... i answer questions cuz i was tagged by several of my jaethots and yall r lovely and sweet

THE LAST

drink: lemonade at a tex mex restaurant i was just at and it was gud

phone call: @fuck-me-harder-olaf telling me about jacob sartorius getting handcuffed and shit by police fdfjdhjhwdj

text message: to the jaethots i said “lol”

song you listened to: shape of you

time you cried: dont @ me for this but i cried when kenia booked her flight to dallas cuz im a p*ssy

HAVE YOU EVER

dated someone twice: nuh uh

kissed someone and regretted it: nuh uh

been cheated on: nuh uh

lost someone special: yes, if this means they died :( RIP cousin Lori .....ily

been depressed: yeah but it was mild,, i do have anxiety tho that can get baby depressive. its called ranch dressing depression cuz its mild

gotten drunk and thrown up: yeth BUT i think it was cuz my cousin forcefed me like 12 pieces of garlic bread

3 FAVORITE COLORS

PINK!!!

blue!!

yellow!!!

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU

made new friends: my closest friends r the ones ive made in the past year tbh wish i had more time w them b4 college starts!!!

fallen out of love: no cuz i dont feel emotions

laughed until you cried: honestly,, like once or twice a week cuz i think everything funny

found out someone was talking about you: nah but i know the jaethots have a second group chat w/out me where they just talk about how im pretty and cool

met someone who changed you: yee it was an acting teacher and she just totally changed how i thot about acting and i became more confident w it

found out who your friends are: BITCH...,,..........,,. YES I FUCKING HAVE,,,,..........

kissed someone on your Facebook list: yep smooch smooch

GENERAL

how many Facebook friends do you know in real life: pretty much all of them? except for maybe some random relatives

do you have any pets: i have a beautiful betta fish his name is Drew P. Weiner and he’s so sweet.. he comes up to the glass when i walk by and hes rlly active and cute!!!!!! i love him !!!!

do you want to change your name: no i honestly love my name (lucy for the fakes) i think its rlly pretty

what did you do for your last birthday: i had a big party and invited like 50 ppl but only around half showed up but it was fun we had smores and wii!!

what time did you wake up: idk time is an illusion

what were you doing at midnight last night: i was falling asleep watching mothra vs. godzilla

name something you can’t wait for: KENIA @minsbugi COMING TO DALLAS!!!!! I LOVE MY MASTER DADDY<3333

when was the last time you saw your mom: like 30 minutes ago

what are you listening to right now: my kkt blowing up guess i better check it cuz im popular

have you ever talked to a person named tom: Yes my chemistry teacher tom asher.... he the best science teacher i ever had and i miss him!! love that dude

something that is getting on your nerves: umm nothing rlly?? ooh wait a boy just played w my friends heart and that has me angry

most visited website: tumblr, youtube, & logic-puzzles.org im not joking i nut for logic puzzles im exposing myself as lonely nerd and for being unfaithful to spider solitaire

hair color: brown

long or short hair: long

do you have a crush on someone: yes on all of the jaethots cuz they r all the full package!

what do you like about yourself: im funny and my hair is pretty and my smile is big

blood type: b for bofa deez nuts (idk actually) (O? maybe?)

nickname: lulu, luc, whore, limpdick motherfucker

relationship status: married to my wife,,, @bae-jy we love each other

zodiac: capricorn on the cob

pronouns: she/her

favorite tv show: AVATAR THE LAST AIRBENDER ... arrested development,,,..its always sunny in philadelphia

tattoos: none but i want one of texas cuz i lov my state

right or left handed: right, so im not going to hell

surgery: never had one no thanks

sport: i played basketball in elementary school for 5 years lmaoooooo

vacation: i was just in wisconsin!! my second home! love it there

pair of shoes: my LL Bean flip flops and my nike tennis shoes r all i wear lmao

MORE GENERAL

eating: i had tex mex,,, enchiladas

drinking: had lemonade

I’m about to: fart. ok did it

waiting for: kenia..... to get to dallas

want: a one.... haha

get married: YES PLS!!!!!! I Want children and everything... family is rlly important to me

career: writing comedy for tv

WHICH IS BETTER

hugs or kisses: hugs.. i love hugs!!!

lips or eyes: eyes......

shorter or taller: taller pls

older or younger: older i dont need high school boys

nice arms or nice stomach: ARMS!!! love me some biceps.. but i love cute tummies

hook up or relationship: relationship def

troublemaker or hesitant: hesitant..stay safe

HAVE YOU EVER

kissed a stranger: nuh uh

drank hard liquor: yes im naughty

lost glasses/contact lenses: i think a pair of glasses is lost rn but i dont want to look for them cuz then it will confirm that theyre missing

turned someone down: yes....

sex on the first date: never even been on a date sooooooo

broken someone’s heart: no lol

had your heart broken: i would say by a friend.. not in a romantic way

been arrested: nuh uh

cried when someone died: yes

fallen for a friend: yes im in love with @bae-jy and @kimsjaehwan they r beautiful and kind and funny and smart and im love them

DO YOU BELIEVE IN

yourself: depends on the day

miracles: yeah i think so

love at first sight: i dont sorry !!! i know u all think ur in lvoe with me after seeing me selfies

santa clause: no im not SIX FUCKING YEARS OLD

kiss on the first date: yeh i would

angels: yes..... @jaehwn and @dearlydaehwi are definitely angels.... love yall

OTHER

eye color: doodoo brown

favorite movie: the goonies!! and also spirited away and ponyo and jurassic park

im going to tag alllll the jaethaggies bc fuck u i dont rmr who done it or not bc when have i ever not been confused or known anything and yall wanna read this anyways

i have none friends

@king-jaehwan @jaehwn @kimsjaehwan @dearlydaehwi @minsbugi @bae-jy

but i prob tagged u in this already anyway

#lucy

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moonshroooms · 7 years

Text

Unusual Asks

Yep, I’m in that mode again. Time to answer questions about myself that literally no one asked for :D

If someone finds this in the deep ocean blue and wants to answer the same questions, I found them here

Spotify, SoundCloud, or Pandora?

Pandora, I guess? But I don’t really use any of them. I only tried Pandora for a time because it told you what genre the music is, and that was how I learned I listened to completely random and unrelated songs

is your room messy or clean?

Yes.

It’s messy, but it’s only dirty clothes really? So the second we do a major Laundry Sweep it suddenly becomes clean.

what color are your eyes?

Brown baby come an get dat chocolatttte

do you like your name? why?

Yes, because it’s tomboyish. When I was younger for some reason I really liked my friend’s name Emily, and wished that was my name instead. As I got older I liked my name more and more. I also love the 30 bajillion nicknames my name comes with. And I love my nickname Moon simply because from that nickname are 30 bajillion more nicknames.

what is your relationship status?

Single and deathly afraid of romance probs

describe your personality in 3 words or less

0-100 spaz

what color hair do you have?

Black hair :3

what kind of car do you drive? color?

It’s a sentra because they get good gas mileage and I’m cheap and it’s a darkish red, cause it’s the only color they had

where do you shop?

Food Banks

how would you describe your style?

Don’t Notice Me Anyone I’m Just a Background Character

favorite social media account

I hate social media when I know people, so tumblr, because screaming into a void where I’m not known is fun. It’s like having an imaginary argument in your shower

what size bed do you have?

Twin

any siblings?

Three of them! Two half-sisters, and a half-brother, all older :3

if you can live anywhere in the world where would it be? why?

With my friends

favorite snapchat filter?

Pfffft I’m an antisocial dweeb and never bothered with snapchat because my phone is old and I rarely take pictures of myself or share pictures of anything else I capture

favorite makeup brand(s)

I don’t wear makeup, so none VwV

how many times a week do you shower?

Once a week if I haven’t done anything that makes me gross. Maybe 3 times a week if I went jogging and got all sweaty

favorite tv show?

Steven Universe, Last Airbender, Amazing World of Gumball, Star vs.

shoe size?

6 ½

how tall are you?

5”2

… and ½

sandals or sneakers?

w a t e r s h o e s

do you go to the gym?

No, I hate the gym. The air in there gives me a headache, everyone’s staring at you doing everything wrong, there’s people in general, and I just no. I like to work out either in the privacy of my room or out in nature (aka I started jogging at my library park and I’m very proud of myself hopefully I keep this up).

describe your dream date

A date that treats me nice and we have a good time

how much money do you have in your wallet at the moment?

13 bucks

what color socks are you wearing?

My skin

how many pillows do you sleep with?

Uhhhh. 2 for my head, 2 to hug, a beanie-filled duck thing, and also my cats old blanket. So like. 4 pillows if you wanna get technical, 6 if let’s be honest the duck and blanket act as pillows

do you have a job? what do you do?

I do. I clean trays and do numerous odd jobs for an oral surgeon’s office. It’s literally a part time job the employees often have their teens do. But it’s something for now

how many friends do you have?

7. The seventh one I just made recently, and it’s still sort of iffy if we’ll actively be friends. We’ve known each other for years, and she’s called me her friend before, but we’ve never like. Hung out, or talked literally ever. But I’ve always thought she seemed like a cool person and someone I wanted to be friends with, and sometime last month or so (she was staying on our couch due to family complications) I outright told her “Hey, you seem like a cool person, and I’d love to be better friends with you J” and by some miracle that WORKED. She called me a nerd for that and we’ve saw Wonder Woman with our moms. I lent her a book from the library (The Goose Girl by Shannon Hale, wonderful book, literally the first in my favorite book series!), and she’s really loving it so far! We’re gonna hang out Sunday, so hopefully we click well and I truly will have successfully made my first friend where I was the one who approached!

whats the worst thing you have ever done?

One time when I was younger I had a fight with my mom. Recalling correctly, I was upset that she ‘loved God more than me’ and during that fight she ‘let go’ and said that I was more important to her. Immediately afterwards I made her take it back, and apologized profusely, and never said anything about her feeling God was more important ever again. And she forgave me, because that’s the kind of person she is, but I still feel like shit for it, and I’m so sorry I ever made her say that, whether she meant it or not. I feel so guilty about it even today. She told me that night that she let go so she could grab onto me and save me from drowning, and that even if she had let go, God would have never let her go, and he would save the both of us. I still wish I could make it so I’d never said that.

whats your favorite candle scent?

MMmmm, I dunno. Do they have cherry blossom? Cause that one

3 favorite boy names

Devon (Deh-von), Aiden (Ay-den), and uhhhh? Naruto. (Nar-oo-toe)

3 favorite girl names

Astrid (totally from Phantom Hourglass), Anaise (yes that’s from the Amazing World of Gumball I fell in love the second I heard it), aaaaaand ermmmmmm. Buzz Lightyear

favorite actor?

Will Smith? Morgan Freeman? Yeah, let’s go with them

favorite actress?

Will Smith? Morgan Freeman? Yeah, let’s go with them

who is your celebrity crush?

Me™

favorite movie?

Bambi, Jumanji, Jurassic Park, Pirates of the Carribean

do you read a lot? whats your favorite book?

I do, I do!! I love Forest Born from Shannon Hale’s Books of Bayern! It’s the 4th and last book in her series, and I love it so much! I recommend it for everyone! Adventure, fantasy, a little bit of romance, fun, and honest-to-god you feel like you’re in an old folk tale the whole time. It’s all a beautiful series.

money or brains?

Brains

do you have a nickname? what is it?

Moon, Moo, Moonmoon, Moonie

how many times have you been to the hospital?

A lot for reasons

top 10 favorite songs

Fireflies by Owl City

Last Unicorn by America (yes, from the movie the Last Unicorn)

Tabi no Tochuu by Kiyoura, Natsumi (aka the Spice and Wolf Season 1 Theme)

Something Entire New from Steven Universe

Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing by Set It Off

I Ship It by Not Literally (An ‘I Don’t Care’ parody, it’s hilarious and I love it, please go listen to it)

Blue Lips by Regina Spektor

Miss Jackson by Panic! At the Disco

E.T. by Katy Perry (I’m not even sure why I like this one so much, but I dooooo)

Girl with One Eye by Florence and the Machine

do you take any medications daily?

I do, antidepressants, which I started maybe 1 or 2 months ago after people suggesting I take medication for years

what is your skin type? (oily, dry, etc)

Perfect™

No but I guess it’s fine? I live in a dry area, but my skin isn’t dried out at all, even before I put lotion on constantly. The crown of my forehead/my nose get a bit oily, but splashing my face every morning basically takes care of that. I feel kind of bad for saying I don’t really have any skin problems

what is your biggest fear?

My loved ones hating me, dying, or being hurt from my own inept, or me being unable to help them

how many kids do you want?

Two. One boy, one girl (or if one wants to change/be whatever gender later in life I really don’t care). One that’s mine genetically, one I’ve adopted. Before I would have preferred giving birth to a boy since Devon was always my favorite boy name (and my only favorite name period), but with my sister being pregnant recently I’ve randomly thought about girl names as well so now I’m chill with having a boy or girl first so I can name them either Devon or Anaise/Astrid. God forbid I have twins that are both boys/girls since A) twins run in my family, and B) I’m having only two kids period so if I got twin boys/girls then that’s it I’m done that’s the end for me

whats your go to hair style?

Two French braids that stay in my head for the whole week

what type of house do you live in? (big, small, etc)

It’s an apartment, so small

who is your role model?

My old cat Princess

what was the last compliment you received?

I legit don’t remember, but probably my mom telling me I’m gorgeous. Thanks mom, love you!

what was the last text you sent?

Me sending my group chat this

how old were you when you found out santa wasn’t real?

You think I put a date on that ish?? I dunno, I think I was still in my old house, so anywhere from 6-8 maybe?

what is your dream car?

A car that has no pollution/carbon footprint, runs on sunlight and electricity, and is reliable, also it doubles as a stray cat home that doesn’t kill them if I turn it on

opinion on smoking?

My entire older family (aunts, uncles, cousins, older brother/sister), smoked. My aunt is a cancer survivor and STILL smokes. My brother and sisters father died from lung cancer. My mother’s parents died from lung cancer. My father smokes (yet expects to live to 100???). My mother is probably the only person in her immediate family that was completely disgusted by smoking. My brother and sister vape now, in their attempt to quit, but my sister would take a hit of our aunts cigarettes every now and then. I hate smoking. It kills. It’s addictive. It’s a waste of your money and brain power. What’s worse is the people (like my sister and aunt), who don’t give a fuck if it will kill you down the road because, according to my sister, “once you reach like, 70, the fun parts over, now you start dying anyways”. Fuck you. What about everyone you’re leaving behind? FUCK you. If you get cancer it’s not just you that’s affected, it’s everyone you love and care about. Your parents, your siblings, your friends, your children. They don’t want to see you die like this, decrepit, and weak. They want to see you healthy, and having fun, and HAPPY. Do they really mean so little to you that you would LITERALLY KILL YOURSELF just because of a 2-minute dopamine rush? I hate people like that. I will never date someone who smokes. That is 100% a deal breaker. I will never, EVER go through what my mother went through with her husband, and what so many others must have gone through.

My opinion on smoking is that it needs to be buried, like all the people it’s already killed.

do you go to college?

I do! I just finished my first semester (just English 101 for my first semester), with flying colors! 940/1000 points!

what is your dream job?

Anything with animals and where I can make a difference in the animal community

would you rather live in rural areas or the suburbs?

Rural areas. I hate the city and people

do you take shampoo and conditioner bottles from hotels?

100% I paid a shit ton of money for this room and you don’t even provide free snacks. I brought my own shampoo/condition but you can bet your ass I’m taking all of theirs

do you have freckles?

Yes? No? Does it count if it’s like, one freckle? It’s not a cluster of freckles, but I have a lot of freckle-spots on the right side of my face, random other parts of my face, and various other parts of my body (and one where like, my dude the sun don’t shine there how’s you get there???)

do you smile for pictures?

Absolutely!

how many pictures do you have on your phone?

Currently? I dunno, 100 or so?

have you ever peed in the woods?

100%

do you still watch cartoons?

Absolutely, they’re way more entertaining than anything else anyways

do you prefer chicken nuggets from Wendy’s or McDonalds?

Wendy’s

Favorite dipping sauce?

Good ol’ ketchup

what do you wear to bed?

Mismatching pajamas, and gorgeous dark blue blue shirt and blue leopard spot Victoria’s Secret pajamas that came with a matching eyemask that my aunt got me for Christmas and they have a cute shirt cut, the pants make me look curvy, I look damn good in them, they’re my favorite color, and most importantly they have POCKETS and it’s literally my favorite pair of pajamas I love them

have you ever won a spelling bee?

No, but I was in a spelling bee! Literally no idea how I got in, I think the best speller of each class was just. Automatically put in? I was naturally good at spelling and randomly got in the spelling bee, was terrified of being on stage, and got my first word wrong because the fuck? How did I get in this?? I’m 9, I’m not studying for this get me off this Awful Stage stop looking at me

what are your hobbies?

Writing, drawing, video games, teasing my cats, roleplaying, and hiking if I was anywhere away from the city

can you draw?

Yes!

do you play an instrument?

Does my voice count?

what was the last concert you saw?

Hilary Duff, when I was like 12. First and only concert I’ve ever seen in my life. Almost the best night of my tiny 12 year old life, but my friend’s mom was a dick and told me to calm down when I was screaming, singing, and cheering, and I spent the rest of the concert sitting in my seat and feeling embarrassed and awkward. Who the fuck tells a 12 year old to calm down when she’s at her first concert with her best friend with their favorite artist in the world??? You’re a fucking dick biscuit, Friend’s Mom.

tea or coffee?

W a t e r

I hate both of those. Though peppermint tea is okay, not that I’d drink it outside of being sick

Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts?

Starbucks, but only for a cinnamon twist pastry thingy

do you want to get married?

I do!

what is your crush’s first and last initial?

I have never had a crush for realsies, only an ‘lol I thought I had a crush but nevermind’

are you going to change your last name when you get married?

If my name sounds good with their last name, yes. If not, sorry honeycakes, I’m keeping my name. They’re more than welcome to change their last name if they so choose.

what color looks best on you?

White, black, red

do you miss anyone right now?

Princess, my old cat

And Fern and Thatcher, my best friends

do you sleep with your door open or closed?

Closed, because I don’t want my kittens to get in. I used to sleep with it open exclusively so my old cat Princess could get in and out

do you believe in ghosts?

Sure

what is your biggest pet peeve?

Self-righteous people

last person you called

My mom’s case manager

favorite ice cream flavor?

Cookie dough without chocolate chips

regular oreos or golden oreos?

ReGuLaR

chocolate or rainbow sprinkles?

NO!!!!!!!!!

what shirt are you wearing?

Black superman shirt I wear for pjs

what is your phone background?

My old cat Princess

are you outgoing or shy?

Shy, unless I’m around people I’m comfortable with. Then I’m shy but a bit more sociable

do you like it when people play with your hair?

Oh god yes. I want to fall asleep if I ever have someone doing my hair and it’s at the Not Ripping Out Your Hair part. God it feels great. Tbh I wouldn’t be surprised if that was a turn on for me

do you like your neighbors?

Hell no they’re all awful

do you wash your face? at night? in the morning?

In the morning. And “wash” is a bit formal, my face-washing is more of a splash-your-face-wake-up-you-lazy-bastard kind of washing. Sometimes I splash it a few times to wake myself up more or take some oil off the oilier parts of my face, but I rarely/never use facewash or anything. It’s just water.

have you ever been high?

Nope

have you ever been drunk?

Nu-uh

last thing you ate?

Some cheap microwave chimichanga

favorite lyrics right now

Why not let me win? – You can’t dodge forever. Even if the pain is more fun together! You know I will just reset and come back newer :) and with every try I’m getting even faster than you are.

summer or winter?

Summer, if I can actually go outside and enjoy it and am not trapped in my black scrubs all day. Winter if I can look out the window and enjoy it

day or night?

Night

dark, milk, or white chocolate?

White chocolate when paired with other things, milk chocolate when by itself

favorite month?

April

what is your zodiac sign

Scorpio!

who was the last person you cried in front of?

My mom

#personal #asks #random questions #questions #ask

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